Comment on An Account Of The Unwilling & Unknowing Subjugation of Parahumans

  1. Salacious_Sovereign on Chapter 3 Mon 31 May 2021 03:41AM UTC

    Haha glad you like it so far, I've enjoyed writing it! (as evidenced by the fact I wrote 5K words in two days, a lot for me)

    Yeah, I've only seen this idea one other place, which is actually the inspiration for this story! "Talked Themselves Into It" by 'Downing Street', you can find it on the first chapter near the top if you're interested in seeing that!

    As for Vista going for it, I rule it as Vista's super desperate to be respected as a mature Ward, at least at the story start. That mindset combined with the MC makes for an interesting result, wouldn't you say?

    Also yes, I plan to do an interlude or two, but not many to keep the perspective. We'll see what people have to see then~

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    1. Account Deleted on Chapter 3 Mon 31 May 2021 09:44AM UTC

      > I rule it as Vista's super desperate to be respected as a mature Ward, at least at the story start.

      Personally, I think it is the most boring and used up way to write her, with everything already squeezed from the idea, from Westoreast to good ol Ask.

      The premise of the idea (it is even in the name) - Unwilling & Unknowing Subjugation. What you are offering with "vista gunning hard to show how mature she is by sucking under a table" - does not make her seem mature, and is honestly makes her look quiet dumb. Come on, make it interesting.

      Like, I see it something along those lines:

      "He is such a monster, trying to get Vista under his desk. Poor girl."
      "Hah? How do you know?"
      "With the new policies? Obviously, dah. He took her out of the ward team and put as hi personal secretary, working in his office whole day behind the locked door. Why do you think would a boss do that?"
      "Ew. Poor girl. A pity we can't do much about it."

      Or from Vista POV

      "I know what you are trying to do, the whole damn team is talking about it. Our resident psychologist gave me a freaking rape-kit with a gift card yesterday. You are really desperate, don't you? Fuck, ok, I'll do it. You bastard, how can you even try to do it to a preteen? You will get me fired from the wards otherwise, and my parents need the money and protection, don't you. You piece of shit. Alright. You win. Come on, we are all alone in your office, and everyone know what is going on anyway. Not like they will try to stop you, cowards. To hard to find a decent job in this shithole of a city. What, you don't like my tits? Come on, stare as much as you like. You worked so hard to get me here, didn't you. Enjoy it, you cunt. Well, here you are, your little secretary is all nice and naked. Dreams come true, don't they? Not that I can say no. Do you like me to work this way, or should I just move my stuff under your table? Not that I'll spend much time behind my own desk now, will I."

      "See this? This is my cunt. It is twelve years old and totally illegal, but you don't give a shit, do you? Well, then, you hit a fucking jackpot. You are the first to have it. I am a virgin. I wanted to give the first time to Gallant, but he didn't want it. It is yours, then. Are you happy? You got me, a preteen hero, naked on your dick. Congradu-fucking-lations. I am surprised that you wanted me of all people, but I guess you are just strange. Could've had Glory Girl or Sophia, though."

      Basically, I see two ways this mind control may work -- the old, boring "the girl came up with something dumb, that is making her aggressively willing in a semi-con way", which every single mind control work out there, or "the girl is sure that she is sexually harassed, and is ready to go with it, doesn't matter what you tell her." Second one is far rarer (never seen one before), and hope you will keep to it.

      "All girls are sure that MC is the bastard who is using his position of power to put them to bed, but all they can do is to live with it and support each other" - is the vibes I got from the premise and the original.

      Anyway, it is just my opinion and I hope it will be helpful. Just please, don't make Vista an over-eager puppy. Every single work out there does. Make her mature for her age. "I understand my position and have to make sacrifices" way, at least.

      Last Edited Mon 31 May 2021 03:11PM UTC

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      1. Salacious_Sovereign on Chapter 3 Mon 31 May 2021 05:53PM UTC

        Thanks for the detailed response, it's nice to see.

        And yes, I agree, that is the path I plan to go. I didn't mean it's going to be the basis of all her interactions, but it is going to be the starting point at least. Where it goes from there will be seen, but I hope to capture the feeling that the inspiration emitted for sure in the end. I appreciate your response and concern about it, it's good to see you're just as invested in the quality as I am.

        Also, curious;

        "Personally, I think it is the most boring and used up way to write her, with everything already squeezed from the idea, from Westoreast to good ol Ask."

        Who is Ask? Did you mean Ack or Axxor?

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