Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Cait wakes up, groggy and confused in an empty bed, she scans the room to find Vi, he’s sat against a wall on the same side as the door, opposite side to where it would swing open. “Are you okay?” Cait whispers as she stands next to a sitting Vi, placing a careful hand on her shoulder. “Mhm, just… can’t sleep” Vi mutters, rubbing her eyes.
“Well you look plenty tired enough to me” Cait half-jokes. “Mmm, don’t matter” Vi is slurring her words, clearly drunk again. “Vi… you know I’m worried, what’s wrong?” Vi looks up at Cait,
“Too many people- can’t. Can’t sleep” Vi is practically falling asleep sitting up, but she knows well that the second she lies down that melatonin will soon vanish. “Too… many people?” Cait ponders, wondering why the others in the house would be a problem, she’s never thought twice about the number of people under the same roof her pondering is cut off suddenly “Not enough locks”
“Vi, darling, you know our door locks”
“Not enough. One good kick and ‘boomph’ down goes the door. How am I supposed to protect you while half asleep?” The look in Vi’s eyes is almost scary, between the eyelids threatening to close were pupils so dilated you’d swear she was high, the bloodshot whites only added to the appearance, it was incredibly clear that he hadn’t slept properly… well, as long as Cait’s known him, and by this point, it had been years. “Vi, darling, you wouldn’t need to - the dogs, the guards - they’d not get past.” She sounds certain, but it’s not quite enough for Vi. He frowns “Listen, you don’t need to get it. I can’t sleep. That’s the end of it.”
“Oh. Okay. I’m sorry Vi I didn’t mean to-“
“Leave it.” Cait decides to listen, knowing better than arguing with a grumpy Vi. She turns the bathroom light on “So you can see where you’re going, love” and climbs back into bed, quickly falling back asleep.

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Cait wakes up to Vi having passed out nearby, she debates waking him, but decides he needs the sleep, regardless of how contorted his position was. She settles on placing a pillow under him so at least his neck wouldn’t be quite so uncomfortable come morning- well, afternoon.

She steps carefully, knowing that his sleep is precious, few and far between, over his body and walks to the kitchen, taking out her overnight oats from the fridge and sitting down on the centre island. “I hope he’s okay” she mutters to herself, she knew there were parts of Vi’s history she wasn’t privy to, but she had no idea to what extent they affected her. He’d talked briefly about his time in Stillwater, but from what she’d seen it’s so much worse than he’s talked about, the way the guard spoke to her regarding Vi had left a sour taste in her mouth, and the way she saw the other look at him was not reassuring.

She decides to book an appointment to see a doctor for Vi, it’s intrusive, and probably overstepping, but she’s too concerned to care, the look in her eyes was too much to handle; fear. Pure, unbridled fear.

“Yes, 3 o’clock would be fine, thank you so much for fitting us in on such short notice.” She hung up and breathed a sigh of relief, she didn’t know what kind of doctor to book for Vi, as she wasn’t certain if this was some kind of PTSD, insomnia, or some condition she’d never heard of, and to be quite frank she didn’t care. Vi was suffering, and as much as she didn’t want to encroach on Vi’s process, it was bordering on a weekly occurrence that Vi would go 48 or more hours without sleep, and although she was no doctor, she was certain it couldn’t be healthy.

She picks at her oats with her spoon, she can’t quite bring herself to eat, she has sickened herself with worry for her partner, and it’s not the kind that can be reasoned away. Surely, at this point, most people would be, and had you seen the look in His eyes last night, you would’ve done the same. She hopes he will forgive her, maybe not now, but some day.

One of her dogs had walked in at some point, and had taken to rubbing his head against her leg, comfort she desperately needed. She didn’t understand how an animal could possibly understand what she’s going through, and she’s not certain he does, but appreciates the comfort regardless.

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Vi still hadn’t woken come 2pm, Cait really didn’t want to wake him, but she had no option, at least this way he would be sleeping more, or at least she hoped. She wasn’t sure how much a doctor could really do for him, I mean if it’s a result of what he was put through, it’s not like they could turn back time, but a girl can hope.

“Vi, darling, I need you to wake up”
“Hnggggg”
“No, come on love, I…” she hesitates, “I booked you an appointment” she settles into her decision, knowing there was no taking it back now. “You…” he mumbles in a daze, “Huh!?” He bolts up, tiredness forgotten, knocking an empty bottle off the bedside table. “I can’t keep waking up do you drinking yourself to death Vi, I’ve never seen you have a good night’s sleep-“ the words are rushing out faster than Cait can think, but she’s cut off by Vi rushing to put a shirt on, he’d slept in just his boxers in the end. “Cait. Stop. You can’t fix this. The world has bigger problems than my stupid fucking sleep schedule!”
“I- I know I’m overstepping Vi, but I can’t keep this up, you were petrified last night…” Vi’s eyes were still bloodshot however now glossy too. He was clearly drinking much longer than Cait had realised.

Vi stumbles a little, the blood rushing from his head as a ringing sound fills his ears, Cait shouts something at him, but he couldn’t quite tell what, he attempts to grab onto something, anything for support but is grasping at a flat wall. His muscular body crashes to the floor, causing the dogs to erupt in a chorus of barking, although Cait wouldn’t have been able to tell, her only focus was the current state of her partner. She didn’t know what to do, Vi would be pissed to wake up in a hospital, or worse yet the ambulance, and it’s not like she could pick him up.

She’d ran over at some point, although she’s not quite sure when, she kneels and checks his pulse, its fast and not as strong as she was used to, but he was okay - well maybe not okay - he was alive. She decides enough was enough and calls the ambulance, Vi would be angry, but at the end of the day she can’t just watch her lover like this.

“Yes, that’s my address… No, he’s not conscious… His name is Vi… Last name? Kir- I’m sorry I don’t- he’s not- yeah.” Cait was speeding through the questions in hopes that at the very least the crew would arrive before he woke up. She’d forgotten that Vi hadn’t been given a last name, they’d discussed it years ago, but it had never really been an issue since then as he had assumed hers in day-to-day life, although they’d never officially married.

The operator sent paramedics, they had arrived quickly, the Kiramman property had been built next to a hospital intentionally, although the purpose was for birth, she appreciated the convenience most today.

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Vi woke up on the way to the hospital, his first instinct was to thrash, kick, punch, whatever he could, but Cait had warned of this, and thus they had him restrained. Cait gently leans over him "Hey, hey, it's okay, you passed out, we're going to the hospital." He was equal parts annoyed and thankful, as much as he tried to make it seem as though nothing got to him, he was starting to get bad again, like he was for a while after Stillwater, he doesn't remember much of what happened after that, just waking up surrounded by bottles, trying to take inventory of the bruises, cuts, and scrapes he'd acquired the night before. He took in a deep breath, “Thank you.”. Cait was a little taken aback, but grateful.

Caitlyn hadn’t known what had been happening with Vi, she had occasionally found food wrappers from stores he liked to eat from, however these days they were like two ships in the night – passing by but never quite seeing each other. Vi hadn’t been eating as much as he knew he should be, in part due to the terror at night causing him to be nauseous, and in part due to the fact he would sleep through the acceptable hours to cook or order in without the dogs losing their minds. He never intended to stop, after all it was killing his physique, but either you choose to take a break or your body will, and in this case his body chose for him.

The next thing he knew he was in a hospital bed, a litre of Hartmann’s hanging from a bag above his bedside, he’d well and truly done it this time, he’d scared the love of his life and proven himself too weak to manage his own needs, it as truly terrifying what had become of him in comparison to his younger self.

At that moment, Cait walked in with a jug of water and some of Vi’s favourite electrolytes, he hadn’t noticed the tears filling his eyes until now, but he was suddenly all too aware. Cait took a seat next to his bedside “Vi… How are you, my love?” she noticed the tears threatening to spill from his eyes and offered him a tissue from the table, he took it and wiped his eyes “I- I’m so sorry- I’m such a mess and- I don’t even know how to fix it!” the tears were coming thick and fast now, Cait leaned over into Vi and encouraged him to cry into her “It’s okay, you had me worried but the doctors said you’ll be just fine, but you have to agree to let them try to help you okay? They’re the same doctors who treated every ailment I’ve had since I was small, they’re good, I promise” Cait isn’t quite sure if he can hear her, but she figured it was worth a shot. After a moment or two, Vi manages to croak out an “Oka-y” although his voice cracked while trying.

Cait carefully climbs around the IV, into Vi’s bed and settles next to him, enveloping her body around his the best she can, Vi is still crying into his lover’s arm, but more softly now, feeling comforted, he wasn’t used to this – someone who would be by his side regardless of whatever happened, he had been loved unconditionally, many times in fact, but everyone had been taken from him – and a part of him was still scared Cait would be the next to meet their fate.

At some point they both slipped into sleep.

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“Vi, darling, the doctor is here for you.” Cait had woken up to a nurse scalding her for being in the same bed as a patient, ‘infection control’ she said, but she already knew Vi was healthy apart from the sleep, and possibly some weight loss, but she was thankful that Vi didn’t stir, after all he needed these extra few hours.

“Violet, I see we haven’t got a last name on our system for you, could I please obtain it for our records?” The doctor looked exactly like Vi had imagined, tall, slender, dark hair with stubble trying a little too hard to come across as messy, wheeling along a computer.

“It’s just Vi, and I would give you one if I had one.” Vi wasn’t trying to be impolite, he was just taken aback at suddenly hearing his old name again and being woken so suddenly. “I’m sorry, I just woke up, can we try again?” Vi attempts to push his feelings about this matter to the side, Cait was counting on him to take this opportunity to better himself, to fix what had been broken all those years ago.

“My apologies, Vi, although as a somnologist it’s quite common for me to see patients in… lower than usual spirits, so let’s try again. What’s going on lately?” It was strange, he was choosing to stand over Vi, he didn’t like the feeing but tried to push past it. “A… lot happened when I was younger, lost a lot of good people, spent some time in Stillwater, and eventually I stopped being able to sleep unless I chased a benzo with a handle of whiskey. Now though, even that really doesn’t help, makes me feel less skitz about it all though.” The words were coming out before he could think about the implications of what he was saying. He’d never told anyone about his issues with drugs before, and although he’d touched on his drinking with Cait, she only saw the aftermath he was too drunk to tidy.

“I see, and did you ever get treatment for any of these traumas as they happened?” The doctor’s brows furrowed slightly, fearing he may be out of his depth a little here. “Wh- no! I don’t need some shrink to tell me it’s all going to be fine when it won’t be! Nothing can fix what’s happened I’ve just got to get myself back up and deal with it like an adult!” Vi’s protests were entirely expected by the doctor, although Cait was upset, she was the one holding back tears now “Vi, please, I didn’t know it was this bad, you need to speak to someone…” Caitlyn pleads but Vi is in a world of his own.

The doctor hands Cait a card to give to Vi, a psychiatrist/therapist duo office which specialises in treating complex trauma and has a greater understanding of life in Zaun. Vi is seething at the concept of therapy being brought up to him, he always dealt with everything just fine, everyone relied on him to, he couldn’t be cracking after all this time, right?

The doctor steps outside and explains to the nurse that a temporary prescription of zopiclone is to be given to Vi roughly an hour before bed for 7 days, regardless of if he is to remain in hospital or not, and following that he can speak to the psychiatrist to prescribe him more if necessary.

A while ago, while Vi was still fighting, he had signed papers to let Cait access his medical records whenever she needed to, and Cait was seriously considering using those rights to find out what’s going on with her love, although she ultimately decided against it, preferring to preserve Vi’s privacy where possible.

Vi was still freaking out by the time the doctor left, and he was desperately trying to convince Cait that he doesn’t need therapy, while Cait explains that she, herself, had been in therapy since her mother passed, and had found it quite immensely helpful. “They’re not there to ‘fix’ your problems, Vi, they’re there to help you figure out how to continue past what happened, without having it impact every aspect of your life, don’t you want that?” Cait was halfway scared to know the honest answer, Vi had always had a convoluted way of thinking. “But if they’re not impacting everything I do, then they’re just gone… I can’t let that happen…” Vi hadn’t ever expressed this need before, the need to live up to everything everyone he’d ever lost wanted him to be, and suddenly Cait began to understand. “Vi, my love, how about I come with you? We can discuss smaller issues first and work our way up to the big things.” Vi nods, so slight it could’ve easily been missed.

A nurse comes in not so much later, explaining to Vi that he had the option to be discharged tonight as he was medically stable, or that he could be transferred to another ward for observations. It was no surprise that he chose to go home, but he picked up the sleeping pills, which was at the very least a step in the right direction.

In the car home, Vi reached a hand over and placed his pinky over Cait’s, before flipping her hand and entwining their fingers. It was now he knew that he’d found his partner for life, but he had to get his life together before he labelled that.

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Cait suggested that her and Vi sleep downstairs tonight, after all, it had only been a few hours since his fainting spell, but Vi insisted on sleeping upstairs, as Cait knew he would. He’s always been stubborn, and that was something that Cait adored about him, even when it was inconvenient.

Cait insisted on at least making Vi some food before he went to bed, and so the taller girl did, it was nothing particularly impressive, just a reheated pasta bake, but it would get nutrition into them both, and that’s precisely what they needed. Cait had put on a film in the background, trying to take the pressure off Vi to talk, she knew how much he hated feeling pressured, although she guessed it would make sense, interrogations were a touchy subject for Vi.

Vi had been given some kind of sedative at the hospital, and was suddenly overcome with days’ worth of hunger, he shovelled the food into his mouth as fast as possible without choking. “Calm down my love, there’s more if you want it.” Cait said in a voice so soothing Vi could swear it was otherworldly. He nodded a little, “Please.” Cait smiled and went to heat him up another portion, keeping a close eye on him, after learning of his alcohol problems she was a little more hesitant to leave him entirely unattended, although his focus seemed to be entirely on his food for the moment.

It wasn’t long before the food was reheated, and she placed a second bowl in front of Vi, he seemed to have snapped back into his usual exterior, and this concerned Caitlyn, did he still feel a need to put an act on this far into their relationship? Or were his emotions really that fleeting? Either way, it had to be discussed, but after food. She wasn’t going to let an argument ruin Vi’s appetite.

Vi puts down the empty bowl and turns to hug Cait, “Thank you, Cupcake.” He smiles, and Cait hugs him back, “Do you think you could maybe give the meds a try, tonight? I think you need a good night’s sleep.” Vi pulls away a little, “It’s okay Vi, you can just try them once, if you don’t like it you don’t have to stick with them, but it’s at least worth a try, right?” Vi wasn’t sure how to respond, and so, he said nothing.

Cait let the silence hang for a moment, “I’m worried, Vi. One night’s sleep won’t hurt.” He wasn’t sure if it was the sedatives still taking affect or if it was something else entirely, but he cautiously agreed to take the pill, but only after checking and double-checking every lock, window, door, and possible entrance.

He grabbed a torch and went checking, while Cait prepared him a glass of water and his tablet, still in its packaging, Vi was funny about that, she could never quite figure out why. It wasn’t her place to speculate on her lover’s trauma, but some things certainly did make her wonder.

Vi returned about 40 minutes later, and startled Cait, at this point entirely lost in her own train of thought. “All safe?” she checked, mostly confirming that Vi was satisfied, she knew they were safe, “Yeah, all safe.” He responded, a hint of tiredness starting to infiltrate his voice. She handed him the pill and he unpackaged and observed it, just a small, oval pill, and it was supposed to help him sleep, well we’d see about that. He takes the glass of water out of Cait’s hand and takes the pill. It was still about an hour until it kicked in, but he was hoping to get an early start in bed, and apparently so was she. “Shall we?” she half-joked, gesturing to their room, “We shall, my lady” he joked back, and they ascended the stairs for the night.