Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It started very innocently, all things considered.

Hua Cheng was over the top, obsessive, too much, unwieldy with his love. Love, for him, had been a reason to live. Love, for him, was now, reunited with that childhood crush who had never lost the pink tint of puppy love, life made purposeful.

When he’d been a child, Xie Lian had saved his life and Hua Cheng had vowed to himself to be worth that rescue. To be strong and smart and smooth and skilled in all things a person could be. He ignored the thick pull of inner dread and remade himself with a zealot’s devotion, holding onto his childhood crush like a god he prayed to in his hardest times.

And now he was lying on Xie Lian’s couch, miraculously friends with this wonderful man and no less drowned in the force of his feelings.

When they’d met again, with Xie Lian clearly not recognizing him from any of their younger meetings, Hua Cheng had wondered if perhaps in getting to know the man he would learn that Xie Lian had changed and feel his feelings fade, but instead he just found himself falling in love harder than ever. Yes, Xie Lian had changed over the years apart, but so had Hua Cheng. And at his core, Xie Lian still burned with that same loveliness that had caught Hua Cheng so off guard as a jaded child.

Truly… there was no one like him. No one else whose very soul was made with such brilliance. And so Hua Cheng didn’t think confessing was the least bit important.

Much more important were days spent doing nothing in Xie Lian’s presence, chatting about any topic that crossed their minds.

Much more important was hiding the weight of Hua Cheng’s overwhelming love.

He couldn’t hide it fully of course, but it worked well enough to let it burst through in more tolerable amounts. Flirting was alright, so long as it could be played off as a joke. Touch was alright, so long as it was no more than Xie Lian encouraged with his unthinking tactile affection. Favors were alright, so long as they were the simple kind that could be done between friends.

But, of all of his small releases, Hua Cheng found doing favors to be the most difficult for Xie Lian. His beloved was simply too unused to asking for help and though Hua Cheng endlessly placed himself as a reliable support, the instinct to bear with any inconvenience had been beaten into Xie Lian’s bones since he last had met the man.

Oh Xie Lian would find any number of solutions and improvements for the lives of others. But when it was only himself that would suffer for something? It was as though he’d forgotten he counted as a person to make things better for.

Advocating for such care was not subtle, and though Hua Cheng held his ground on more dangerous matters, he was wary of showing his hand on the more… frivolous improvements he wished he could give Xie Lian.

It didn’t mean he stopped wanting to give them, he was simply biding his time on finding the most discrete way to offer them. The least intrusive way. Hua Cheng didn’t need credit, he just needed the reward of Xie Lian’s shoulders being a bit less tense and his smiles coming that much easier.

And he could claim that when he broke the first seal of polite limits it wasn’t premeditated, but that was pretty difficult to claim when he was holding the auger he’d bought specifically to snake the drains, alone in Xie Lian’s apartment hours before he’d be home.

Xie Lian’s apartment was old though, and badly managed. While Xie Lian himself knew how to do the maintenance to keep a good home, he didn’t have endless time and until it truly became a problem to functioning, Xie Lian didn’t seem to bother too much.

For the last two days, the bad drainage situation had gotten worse and Xie Lian had mentioned if it didn’t solve itself (which it sometimes did, genuinely without Hua Cheng’s influence), he’d fix it that weekend, when he had time to risk the entire plumbing breaking on him during the process.

If things truly went south, Hua Cheng didn’t have the time to fully replace the pipes before Xie Lian returned home, and honestly he didn’t think he was any more practiced than Xie Lian in plumbing fixes. But he was exceptionally luckier and willing to take the risk. Worst case scenario he’d just be caught. It would be awkward, but not terrible. Xie Lian had given him the house key and would likely just laugh about the attempt to solve his problems as a one off.

It didn’t have to mean anything. Still, it was easier not to get caught. There was only so much he could get caught doing before it became impossible to deny the intensity of someone like him after all.

Pulling back his hair, Hua Cheng worked off the drain cover and worked slowly on the shower, then the bathroom sink, and finally the kitchen sink, dutifully collecting the wet clumps of hair and biofilm and food scraps and— notably— a baby sock that definitely did not belong to Xie Lian. Someone’s stupidity must have flowed down to create the issue in Xie Lian’s drains. It really only proved Xie Lian’s bad luck that he’d gotten the consequences of such a thing.

Still, Hua Cheng replaced every opened part, checked that every drain ran smoothly, walked his trash down before going back to hide the auger in Xie Lian’s cleaning equipment— far enough back he may think it had been in the apartment the whole time and actually use it instead of the makeshift contraption he used every time— and changed into clean clothes.

Shaking out his hair, Hua Cheng settled on the couch, pulling out his sketchbook to wait.

And when at last Xie Lian came home to pipes that worked as they should, he had no reason to suspect Hua Cheng had been in the apartment for more than twenty minutes waiting for him, simply greeting him with a smile.

“How was work, gege?”

“Busy, I’ll need a shower before I cook us dinner.”

“Should I prepare any ingredients while you wash?”

“Don’t bother, I haven’t decided what I’m making yet. Besides, you’re my guest, I can’t have you work.”

Hua Cheng chuckled, knowing full well they’d bicker over Hua Cheng doing the dishes later as they did every time. “Such a poor host, not even inviting me to enjoy the water with you.”

Making a noise somewhere between a laugh and squeak, Xie Lian blushed as he moved towards his bedroom. “San Lang can get a cup from the kitchen if he wants water that badly.”

Smiling, Hua Cheng turned his attention back to his sketchbook, heart warm. It didn’t matter that Xie Lian never mentioned the fact the drains were fixed that evening. Hua Cheng still reaped the rewards when their weekend was spent doing nothing at all, together.

Chapter Text

Xie Lian had less money than Hua Cheng. It definitely hadn’t been that way when they met, but it was obvious in their homes and the little items that filled their lives now.

Xie Lian no longer had old money making good quality things a thoughtless expectation, instead he recycled things and rebuilt what was broken to scrape out the last bits of use from everything he found. It was very him, in its own way. An endearing mix of carelessness about what he used and gratefulness for everything he came across.

And it wasn’t that Hua Cheng thought more expensive things were always better. He’d lived too long with nothing for money to make him believe quality could only be found on a price tag, but he had carefully cultivated products that were absolutely worth spending for.

Xie Lian’s soaps were not something he could recycle or rebuild. He could make soap from scratch, but he didn’t do it much since it was easier to just buy.

Unfortunately, he bought the cheapest brands, watered down and poorly scented.

So Hua Cheng figured, so long as it wasn’t noticed, he could just. Fill up the bottles with something better.

It wasn’t normal, he knew, to do such things. It was that strange obsessive intensity of his that made him yearn to do such things. But to outright buy and openly give them to Xie Lian would be a clear overstep. Xie Lian would accept it, the first time, but he’d feel burdened by it if Hua Cheng kept it up, and that was, as always, the fear that prevented him from action. It was pointless self gratification if Xie Lian was simply uncomfortable about it.

So he dumped the hand soap in the bathroom one night, cleaning the excess and filling up the cheap plastic container with a formula he knew would be good for keeping Xie Lian’s hands moisturized and taken care of. The same brand he used in his house, but a different scent, one to match the soap he had replaced.

It looked different when pumped out, and Hua Cheng wondered, staring at that evidence of his deeds, if Xie Lian would realize and confront him about it. There was no one else over who could’ve done it after all.

He knew the soap he’d replaced wasn’t one Xie Lian specifically liked. Xie Lian just bought whatever was on sale, the colors and textures of his soap changed all the time. It could be he’d assume he’d forgotten a change and just… ignore it. Perhaps blame it on bad memory and move on.

So Hua Cheng hid the bottle he’d brought to fill it back into his bag and said nothing, going back to where dinner was being cooked and convincing himself it was alright to be too much like this if it was in these unobtrusive ways. That if he got caught immediately, he could make a prank of it. Already he was sketching out the edges of his excuses if Xie Lian said something tonight.

“You know you don’t have to refresh your makeup to look nice when it’s just me.” Xie Lian spoke up as he came back into the kitchen.

“Gege looks so radiant with a bare face I wouldn’t dare stand beside him with sloppy eyeliner.” He hadn’t actually touched it up in the bathroom, but it was a convenient excuse for why he was bringing his bag into the bathroom.

“San Lang is handsome enough even without worrying about that sort of thing.”

“Compared to the average person maybe but if gege were to look in a mirror I’d definitely lose his attention.”

Xie Lian laughed. “You make me sound so vain.”

“It’s not vain to have eyes.”

Xie Lian shook his head fondly. “Set the table and stop fishing for compliments.”

“Yes, gege.” And just like that, he’d gotten away with his bathroom switch without Xie Lian noticing anything immediately amiss in his long delay.

Dinner went smoothly and dishes were bickered over before Xie Lian went to the bathroom, leaving Hua Cheng cleaning plates with the weight of anticipation on his shoulders.

He had to be casual about it if he was caught. This early into things, there were ways to cover his feelings still. Xie Lian wouldn’t be upset about it. They could joke about it. And Hua Cheng would accept, once he was caught, that that was a line and he couldn’t cross it again.

But when Xie Lian came back from the bathroom, nothing was said, and the night went on, normal as ever.

So when a week went by without Xie Lian even commenting, Hua Cheng used another “makeup refresh” to replace Xie Lian’s shampoo and conditioner. Something that would nourish his beautiful hair for once.

Another week and he replaced his body wash. Something good for his skin— the same brand as the hand soap.

Then his laundry soap. Something that wouldn’t leave so much residue or overpower with an artificial scent.

And Xie Lian never mentioned a thing.

He was over often enough it was easy to keep track of what would need refills and to top them off before Xie Lian could buy another discount version.

If Xie Lian noticed his hair was healthier he didn’t say. If Xie Lian remembered how long it had been since he’d last needed to buy any of those things he didn’t say.

So Hua Cheng continued to restock them in stolen moments, an absurd kind of reverse thief. Not all of them were terribly expensive. If Xie Lian knew how to spoil himself, most of them were even in his budget. But on his own, Xie Lian truly never would put much stock in such little things to make his life better. He always said he wasn’t impacted enough to waste the extra yuan. And Hua Cheng had the cash to burn so why shouldn’t he?

If he got caught doing this now, there really wasn’t much he could say that didn’t sound a little ridiculous. Still. It made Xie Lian’s life just a bit better.

That was worth it.

Chapter Text

The thing was, there were more things in Xie Lian’s home that could be improved besides the various soaps. And now that he had seen Xie Lian wouldn’t say anything about changes like that, the scope of what Hua Cheng could get away with felt bigger than ever.

Perhaps it was selfish, the way he sought to do such improvements that Xie Lian surely would’ve waved off if he’d been directly asked. Perhaps it was creepy to spend so much time planning stupid reverse heists. But perhaps the truth was that Hua Cheng really didn’t care, so long as life went by a little smoother for his beloved.

He had long found the lights in Xie Lian’s home abrasive to the eye— some kind of jarring fluorescent— but truthfully he hadn’t intended to change them at first. He had assumed the lights were the way they were because Xie Lian preferred it that way and so they couldn’t possibly be wrong.

But then, after a long day of work and with dinner settled, Xie Lian had looked at him from his place on the couch as the sun began to set, darkening the room that had only been lit from the natural light. “Do you mind if I keep off the lights and use my flashlights for light instead?”

“Not at all, is something wrong with them?” Hua Cheng asked, watching as Xie Lian began propping up two flashlights to diffuse light across the ceiling, giving them enough of a glow to see.

“Not really, it’s just when I’m tired like this, lights that bright will give me a bit of a headache. And then I never quite manage to fall asleep on time.”

“Does gege need me to go early so he can rest?”

“No, no, it’s too early for bed anyways and you were telling me about that new project.” Xie Lian insisted, settling back beside him.

And hearing such a thing, how could Hua Cheng be anything but helpless to chatter with Xie Lian until the man fell asleep on his shoulder?

How could he do anything but plan how many lightbulbs he needed to change?

It was harder to prepare than the soaps had been, mainly because he had never before really bothered keeping track of the number of lightbulbs in Xie Lian’s home. Still. Once he decided to pay attention it wasn’t hard to count them really.

And he could’ve slowly changed the lightbulbs one by one so the shift was gradual, but truthfully it wasn’t easy to make time where he wouldn’t be caught to change the bulbs.

He didn’t have good excuses for if he was caught. Perhaps he could claim the harsh lighting gave him headaches and he hadn’t wanted to embarrass Xie Lian by asking such a large favor? Truthfully he knew if he claimed such a thing openly Xie Lian would probably fix the lights himself. After all, anyone else’s discomfort always rated a higher concern from Xie Lian than his own.

It would’ve accomplished the same goal without overstepping half as much. It would’ve been the more reasonable thing to do.

Yet, there was a side of him that craved to do it in this foolish way instead. This side of him that liked sneaking around and feeling he’d done something so sly for his beloved.

This side of him that, perhaps, wanted to be caught.

He buried the truth of that deep as he came into Xie Lian’s house an hour before the man was due to be home and switched every lightbulb in the apartment. The new light was much softer on the eyes. One would have to be very unobservant not to at least feel something had changed even if they couldn’t pin it immediately.

Yet when Xie Lian flicked on the lights that evening he only paused for a moment continuing as if nothing was amiss.

So Hua Cheng knew, with a sureness rooted deep in his gut, that Xie Lian… had to be choosing to ignore it.

He wasn’t a fool and while Hua Cheng had tried to do everything stealthily, there really weren’t that many reasons things like this would happen. At the very least, a Xie Lian who suspected nothing would bring up the oddness in his misremembering such things. But a Xie Lian who knew and wished to leave him face, that was the kind of Xie Lian who would say nothing at all.

It felt, strangely, like permission.

It shouldn’t have. He should’ve stopped pushing how far he could take Xie Lian’s polite willingness not to point out his behavior, but instead Hua Cheng felt drawn to toe the line again and again, intoxicated by the liberties he was given.

If he thought too long about it he thought it sounded rather disgusting of him honestly. But so long as he didn’t think about that, Xie Lian’s life could keep improving. The correct answer was as clear as that.

So when Xie Lian next came over to do laundry at Hua Cheng’s house, a not unusual occurrence given his own apartment barely had a working one, Hua Cheng switched the hand-me-down sheets and pillowcases with approximate color matches of a much higher threadcount.

With how worn Xie Lian current bedding was, any new bedding wouldn’t be a perfect color match and no doubt the texture would be instantly noticeable. But when Xie Lian hung the bedding out to dry on Hua Cheng’s wash line he barely faltered.

“I’m so lucky San Lang has a washer for me to borrow. It’s much more fun to wait for things to dry at your house.” Xie Lian remarked as he turned back to Hua Cheng.

“What’s mine is yours.”

“My things always come out softer when I use your machine too. Perhaps the one at my building is broken even when the out of order sign isn’t up.” Xie Lian’s smile was playful, his eyes kind, as if inviting Hua Cheng to enjoy an inside joke with him.

Heart pounding, Hua Cheng smiled back and followed Xie Lian to choose something to watch while they waited.

But all he could think was: if that isn’t permission, I don’t know what is.

Chapter Text

Hua Cheng escalated. Of course he escalated.

He hadn’t been stopped yet so he hadn’t hit the limit of what he could give yet.

And what he decided he wanted to give required just a small amount of borrowing.

The thing was, Xie Lian loved to keep and use things even when they were old or worn out. He’d use things until they broke, fixing them endlessly along the way. And this worked fine enough for most things, but for all of Xie Lian’s talents, the man couldn’t sew for shit.

As a result, despite seeming like the kind of person who would love mending clothes, Xie Lian just bore with thinned fabric or holes until his clothing became truly unwearable. They transitioned first from daily wear to into pajamas, then into scrap fabric he had to give away.

If Hua Cheng were to ask to mend Xie Lian’s clothing, Xie Lian would’ve insisted he didn’t have to. Would’ve claimed it was too much trouble to ask of him. He may have relented with some insistence, but it would’ve made him a bit uncomfortable in the meantime and he’d probably insist on paying Hua Cheng back somehow.

So of course Hua Cheng simply decided to start stealing pieces to mend one by one.

First was one of Xie Lian’s favorite shirts, which had a small hole starting in the armpit that had recently relegated it to home wear. The fix was clean and simple, following the existing connection points. He reinforced everything just to be sure a similar seam break wouldn’t happen anywhere else.

And within the week, he saw Xie Lian wearing it home from work again, his small plundering noticed so quickly.

Next was a sweater with a hole where a fence had tugged the threads too tight, leaving them to snap and start to unravel with two more washes. The fix was more visible this time, but he still did his best to give it some degree of plausible deniability that something had been changed.

Because that, he knew, was the game the two of them were playing. It was not the first time in his friendship with Xie Lian that he’d discovered Xie Lian wouldn’t push for answers if Hua Cheng wasn’t ready to give them. Instead the two of them would act as though nothing was amiss, dutifully ignoring any elephants in the room until the other was ready to admit to them.

It was a giddy thing to realize even helping Xie Lian could be given the same grace Xie Lian showed to Hua Cheng’s unwillingness to talk about his missing eye or the obvious way they both brushed aside mentions of family with casual broad strokes that were true enough without delving into realities they had no desire to discuss.

Xie Lian didn’t do anything as forward as leaving things that needed mending over “accidentally” or mentioning which pieces had holes. He just quietly began wearing out pieces that had faced moth holes or a knife incident or bad craftsmanship unraveling it when their stitches were redone.

And Hua Cheng felt burning with usefulness. Joyful and content and utterly at peace with his purpose in this world.

The other fixes he’d done around Xie Lian were important to Hua Cheng, and in some ways much more useful to Xie Lian than some mending, but there was something to the physicality of the clothes that ignited Hua Cheng in the best way.

Perhaps it was because clothing had always been such an important part of Hua Cheng finding his footing. Clothing, to Hua Cheng, was self expression and memories. And while Xie Lian was more practical than him in his style, there was no denying that Xie Lian was also a deeply sentimental man who enjoyed when pieces could endure many seasons of life with him.

So Hua Cheng replaced missing or loose buttons with the devotion of someone who understood what it was to love scraps of fabric for more than their utility.

So Hua Cheng reinforced worn out patches in jeans with the patience of someone who knew that for all new ones could be bought, the years spent breaking in the fabric to the soft, well fitting thing it was couldn’t be so easily mimicked.

And Hua Cheng felt, with the weight of his too much love, seams bursting in his heart as he once again saw Xie Lian coming into Hua Cheng’s apartment in a winter jacket whose zipper had been so stuck that Xie Lian had had it ready to go to donation for scrap fabric.

“How was work?” Hua Cheng called, watching from the couch as the zipper glided open with ease for Xie Lian to hang on the coat rack. He could’ve sworn he saw Xie Lian give the zipper an affectionate pull as he hung it, but perhaps, like so many other quiet agreements, he had just been imagining things.

“It was fine, how’s your doodling going?” Xie Lian came over sit beside him on the couch, knowing well that he’d rather talk about his art than his day job during these moments together.

Hua Cheng tilted the sketchbook to show Xie Lian his doodles of the day— a page full of flowers and butterflies in different configurations.

“Done with animals again, hm?” As he spoke, Xie Lian ran his hand over the spot his pocket laid. A pocket that had previously developed a hold that meant Xie Lian couldn’t use it, recently fixed up good as new again.

The little caresses to the fixed clothes always felt, foolishly, Xie Lian was indirectly caressing him.

“I wanted something mindless for today, I didn’t have very long until you arrived anyways.”

Xie Lian hummed, resting his head against Hua Cheng’s shoulder. “How long do we have until the takeout arrives?”

“About ten minutes or so still, does gege want a quick nap?”

Xie Lian shook his head against Hua Cheng’s shoulder, not flinching as Hua Cheng’s arm wrapped around him. “I’m not tired like that, I’ll wake up with a bit of conversation. Tell me more about that new ancient weapons exhibit you texted about this morning?”

Hua Cheng obliged, happy as ever to talk and talk as Xie Lian’s excitement came out of its placid hibernation to light up his world.

But even through dinner and twenty more conversation meanderings, he couldn’t help but continue to notice the gentle stroke of Xie Lian’s thumb over where the mend in his pocket would lay.

Chapter Text

“Why.” He Xuan asked as he watched Hua Cheng assemble a desk on his floor.

“Gege wants a desk.”

“So why didn’t you get the desk delivered to his house?”

“Because this is your broken desk you don’t want anymore and are letting gege have to fix up.”

“…Broken how?” The question was fair, considering the desk was clearly brand new parts and didn’t seem like a cheap brand.

“One of the legs is going to be broken.”

He Xuan watched him silently, clearly just taking in the implications of Hua Cheng’s plan to break the furniture for the specific purpose of having an excuse to give Xie Lian for why he could take it for free.

Xie Lian didn’t need too many new pieces of furniture, he took good care of the few things he had and didn’t have enough space for much. However, he had offhandedly mentioned he was looking for another table to act as a desk. “Looking” being a broad term, meant in the way where Xie Lian was keeping an ear out without going too far out of his way for it.

So Hua Cheng obviously had to fix that. And that obviously meant he had to buy Xie Lian the perfect desk. But it would be overstepping to simply buy a desk. And it would be suspicious if he used anything in his house.

So clearly this was the way that made the most sense.

“You’re insane.” He Xuan said at last before walking out of the room.

The thing was, Hua Cheng was well aware this wasn’t normal just as he’d been aware for quite awhile that the way he felt and the things he did for Xie Lian weren’t normal.

But for all the careful coyness of their plausible deniability game, he was fairly sure even Xie Lian wouldn’t suspect the truth of this desk.

Or maybe he would. Maybe he could see the stupid desire on Hua Cheng’s face. Maybe he had a tell he didn’t know about. Maybe Hua Cheng would do the break in a way that wasn’t convincing and would expose his hand.

Whatever the outcome, it wouldn’t do to dwell on such things when he could instead focus on the desk he was building.

***

“Thank you again!” Xie Lian told He Xuan as the desk, taken apart for transportation, was finally deposited in his living room.

He Xuan shrugged. “I don’t need a broken desk.”

“Still.” Xie Lian smiled, unbothered by He Xuan leaving immediately without much in the way of niceties. They’d crossed paths a handful of times and he knew He Xuan tended to be uninterested in small talk after his day job required him to be so friendly.

That just left the two of them again.

“How does gege want to fix the broken leg?” Hua Cheng asked, arranging the pieces for reassembly.

Back at He Xuan’s house he’d broken the leg with a bat to the wood, causing it to splinter and wobble with threat of a complete crack at the weight of the desk. It was the kind of break that would require some fixing up, but he knew Xie Lian actually was capable of such a fix. It wouldn’t take more than the rest of the weekend.

“I was just going to whittle a match for the other legs,” Xie Lian wandered towards one of his drawers of things he used for restoring furniture, setting out a few tools before going to his closet to find a good piece of wood from his scrap pile.

After a few minutes he came back out, excitement clear on his face. “San Lang! I have wood in the perfect thickness!” Xie Lian dropped back beside him to check the length— a bit longer than the legs were, but frankly that just made things easier. “It’s like fate, how perfect.”

It really was fate. Hua Cheng had considered sneaking in the wood for Xie Lian— the stash was big enough and changing enough it wasn’t too likely to be caught— but Xie Lian really did have enough of a stock that he’d already had such a thing. His beloved truly was so prepared.

“Who gave you that piece?” Hua Cheng asked as he started up reconstructing the desk with the three legs that worked.

“It’s from the desk I tried to furbish for myself.”

“The rotted one?”

“Mn. The other legs all had rotted patches so I could only savage little squares and the top couldn’t be salvaged at all but this one was fine.” Xie Lian sat across from him, beginning to take measurements so he could ensure it was a proper fit.

“Do you think you’ll paint this one so the legs all match?”

“I’m not selling this one so it’s not that big of a deal. I don’t mind mismatching wood.”

“Shame. I was hoping I could help paint it.”

Hua Cheng had said it mostly as a joke, but Xie Lian lit up all the same.

“Would you? I’d love to have more of San Lang’s art in my home.”

“Really?”

“Of course. You’re my favorite artist.”

“Maybe I shouldn’t assemble this yet then.” Hua Cheng paused. “What did gege have in mind?”

“Whatever you can think of that’s good with the paints I have.”

“Do you have any red?” He wasn’t sure which style he was doing yet, but Xie Lian seemed to like the pieces he did with red accents quite a bit and he knew things like white and black were definitely in his stash already.

“En. I got that request for a red side table, remember? I haven’t used it for anything else yet so I’ve still got a good amount left. Not enough for the whole desk though.”

“That’s fine, I just wanted it for details.” Hua Cheng wandered over to the paint drawer, pulling out a few colors to consider before grabbing his sketchbook. “We’ll have to sand it if I’m painting it.”

“That’s fine, it’ll go fast with the both of us sanding.”

Hua Cheng hid a smile at how readily Xie Lian anticipated that Hua Cheng would help. No self consciousness in the expectation. To be relied on so easily… it truly was a blessed thing.

They worked like that until lunch, Xie Lian preparing the last leg as Hua Cheng sketched out concepts. It was peaceful. The kind of easy reliance that calmed something in Hua Cheng’s heart and made good days into perfect ones.

It didn’t matter that sanding was tedious when he could chat with his beloved during it. It didn’t matter that it would take hours of preparation only for him to not even get to start on the designs for the desk today because the base coat had to dry.

Because when the two of them chatted, hours could fly by. Because when night fell, Xie Lian invited him to stay the night so they could finish up tomorrow.

Because when Xie Lian tried to sleep on the couch to give Hua Cheng the bed and Hua Cheng tried the same, they ended up side by side in bed, with Xie Lian smiling at him like he was terribly mischievous and infinitely enjoyed for it.

Their voices as they fell asleep were soft, fond things, like children up past their bedtime. Tucked into darkness together, Hua Cheng’s hand had fallen mindlessly on Xie Lian’s hip and Xie Lian’s leg kept brushing his like a cat’s nuzzle. Easy, thoughtless contact.

Perhaps there were more things between them that required plausible deniability than even Hua Cheng was ready to admit. But such was the weight of this game of theirs.

Chapter Text

It happened very suddenly, all things considered.

Xie Lian was content with his lot in life, undeterred by sorrow or pain, able to see loved ones leave his life with a smile for the fact they’d met. Happiness, for him, had been about finding the glimmers of beauty in hardship. Happiness, for him, was now, with San Lang fully here in his life, a simple thing that didn’t need to be worked for.

And now they were roommates and lovers in all but name yet Xie Lian feared that to name such a miracle would be to slip back into losing this easy joy again.

When they’d met, it had been quickly clear they were the types of people who simply clicked, their personalities matching well to make them fast friends. It was not the first time Xie Lian had met someone he found interesting and well suited to him. But it was the first time in a long while that he found such a person to be so unthinkingly reliable, the kind of support that felt like a loving embrace on the hardest of days and a supercharge on the best of them.

Truly… there was no one else like him. No one else whose very soul was made with such brilliance. And so Xie Lian thought it best to leave whatever was between them nameless.

Much more important were days spent doing nothing in Hua Cheng’s presence, chatting about any topic that crossed their minds.

Much more important was hiding the weight of Xie Lian’s evergrowing love.

He didn’t have to hide it completely of course, but it was all the sort of allowances of longing that could be waved off if Hua Cheng didn’t feel the same. Staring was alright, because Xie Lian could play it off as zoning out. Touch was alright, so long as Hua Cheng kept not flinching away from it the way he had the first couple days of their friendship. Compliments were alright, so long as they were the simple kind that could be done between friends.

But of all the small things they didn’t talk about, the way Hua Cheng took care of him was becoming ever more difficult not to discuss. Hua Cheng had a way of sneakily trying to fix so many silly things that Xie Lian found himself half wondering if Hua Cheng was responsible even for things like his favorite snacks going on sale.

Oh he knew Hua Cheng didn’t have that kind of power. But when Hua Cheng had invaded so many corners of his life with quiet, plausibly denied care and even just a simple hug from him could set Xie Lian’s heart at ease? How could he not attribute the good luck that came his way to the luckiest thing to ever happen to him.

This though… there was no thinly veiled excuse for this.

Open on Hua Cheng’s computer was a carefully organized spreadsheet titled “My Beloved”. It had tabs for Health, Home, Activities, and Potential Desires.

The document had been open to potential desires and while the gut sick twist of jealousy at the title had made him read it, the taste of vinegar was quickly washed away when he registered what was listed.

The most recent entry, written only minutes ago was: “Find book title: ancient tower defense around the world. Published before age 14? Section on squeaky floors.”

It was, Xie Lian knew immediately, the book Xie Lian had just an hour earlier mentioned remembering from when he was younger and wishing he could reread. Other entries were familiar too.

“Incense that smells like rain. NOT LABELED RAIN. Reacted well to Iris incense, not quite correct. Water drop not correct. Vetiver + iris possible match?”

“Soda with chunks? Not boba. Possibly mother’s recipe? Buy soda maker”

And so on.

Unthinkingly, Xie Lian clicked the “Home” tab.

And truly. There was just no way he could deny this.

Each of his soaps were dutifully listed with a “last refill” and “refill expected due” date column. Each of his lights were the same. There was a column for the last time Hua Cheng had snaked his drains which explained why it had been less messy to do himself for awhile now. And there was another little list, documenting things in Xie Lian’s wardrobe Hua Cheng wanted to borrow to mend before they became properly ripped or worn.

It had been one thing to know Hua Cheng was doing this but it was something else completely to see it listed like this, a lovingly kept document to make things run smoothly.

“What’s gege looking up?” Hua Cheng came up behind him to look over his shoulder only to rear back in shock when he processed what had caught Xie Lian’s eye.

He looked terrified.

“Gege doesn’t have to pay attention to that, it’s just my chore list.”

“I didn’t know San Lang loved doing chores so much to title his chore sheet ‘My Beloved’.”

The silence Xie Lian was met with in response was deafening.

“It’s very thorough.”

Hua Cheng’s good eye was clenched shut. “I’m sorry.”

“Won’t you look at me?”

He wouldn’t. “Please, gege, I… I didn’t mean to overstep, I just… I’ll stop. I can give back your key, I really didn’t mean for it to go this far.”

Xie Lian looked at this clever, reliable man he’d fallen in love with, and for the first time, he wasn’t scared of things falling from his fingers if he reached out to grab them.

So he did.

It took Hua Cheng a moment to process he was being hugged before he returned it, sagging with relief in Xie Lian’s arm.

“Gege.” It was a question and an answer in one. A promise.

Xie Lian nuzzled into the crook of Hua Cheng’s neck, floating on the feeling of wanting and receiving and trusting he could have this for the first time in a very, very long time.

“San Lang is so organized,” he teased, voice thick with his own overflowing emotions.

“How else will I pull one over on gege to get him the care he deserves?”

Xie Lian laughed, a wet, happy thing, as he pulled back to look at Hua Cheng.

He had only looked for a moment when Hua Cheng cupped his face and pulled him in again.

And of all the things Hua Cheng had ever given Xie Lian, his first kiss was by far the best one yet.