Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Edward

So I'm sitting in the lunchroom, bored out of my mind, surveying the crowd. Had him, had her, had her, had him (makes cute noises when he comes). Really I've almost exhausted all the acceptable possibilities in this backwater.

Bored bored bored. I stretch languidly and decide to tease Jazz, just to pass the time. I like teasing Jazz. Want to do more than just tease him, but these days he always draws the line. And he is my best friend - not that that ever stopped me.

I reach out and massage the nape of his neck, above his Strokes T-shirt and below his curling fair hair. He lets me touch him for a moment, arching back into my hand. Hot - he's almost got me going there. Then he twists gently away, shooting me a sidelong look and shaking his head disapprovingly. Cocktease.

"Hands to yourself, Edward," he reminds me.

Yeah yeah, I'd promised. "What? You just looked a bit tense there, Jazz. Pining for Alice? I'd be happy to tide you over…" I grin suggestively, putting my head down as I stare at him from under my eyelashes and make licking motions with my tongue. Yes kiddies, it's the Jazz and Edward show.

"Knock it off." He snorts and cuffs me lightly across the back of the head. Oooh yes, Jazz, hit me, hurt me. But mind the hair, I don't want to have to go and artfully muss it up all over again.

He didn't always play so hard to get. Time was…no, not the place to reminisce, not unless I want the entire school to see me with a massive hard on.

"I'm going for a smoke." I get up and stretch again, giving the assembled masses a pelvic grind to keep them alert, then saunter out to the parking lot near the woods. Leaning on the hood of the Volvo, staring unseeing at the trees as I blow smoke rings and think about me and Jazz.

Friends since we were five, always getting into shit together. He was always the cavalry soldier hero, and I got tied to trees quite a bit, victim of Indian attacks and the like. And I did like, though I had no idea why at that stage. Then puberty hit and I was aware of him in a new way. Aware of boys and girls in a new way, alive with hormones.

First it was just the usual early adolescent stuff - looking at each other and comparing erections (his is thicker and shorter by half an inch, mine's longer and slightly thinner). Then jacking each other off to see how it felt.

It was never much more than that to Jazz, just fooling around, but I wanted a lot more, dreaming about him doing things to me I'd barely heard about, unclear longings troubling my days and nights and adding to Esme's laundry load.

Then one summer Saturday when we were both fifteen and very stoned on JD and several joints, lazing about on the floor in my room listening to CDs, I rolled him over on his back and kissed him, taking his hands in mine and pinning them to the floor beside his head, my hips grinding into his.

He struggled a little but he was too stoned not to be turned on, and after a while he relaxed into it and opened his mouth. He tasted so fine - whiskey and dope and salt and sweet and I pushed my tongue in to taste him better and he let me. And he let me kiss his ear and his neck as I slid my hands into his hair and across his chest. And he let me pull up his T-shirt and lick a trail down to his jeans. He was groaning softly, pressing up against me now and opening his legs as I slid down between them, and I was so hard it hurt, and so happy and excited I thought I'd die.

I licked and kissed the skin of his belly and hips along the top of his jeans, sticking my tongue into his navel as he shuddered under me. The trail of hair below almost undid me and I kissed it as I unfastened his jeans and opened them, sliding my tongue down to his cock and taking it into my mouth. He was hard, and I licked the salty slickness off the head of his cock and swirled my tongue around it and up and down the shaft, then I took him in my mouth and sucked. He gasped and bucked his hips up. I think he'd have come right then if we hadn't been half-drunk and stoned - thanks again, Jack.

My cock was aching so I undid my jeans and stroked myself as I held Jazz, licking and sucking him. I expect I was clumsy and inexperienced but all I remember is the magic of finally having him in my mouth all hot and hard, just as I'd dreamed. He whimpered then and quivered all over and I took him in as deeply as I could and sucked him and he came in my mouth. He tasted of salt with a slight bitter edge.

I came hard in my hand between his spread legs and then I pulled off my T-shirt and cleaned us up and kissed his belly, doing up his jeans again, and my own. I think I knew he'd need to feel safe as soon as the stoned lust wore off. I slid up beside him, lying in the crook of his armpit, drinking in his musky, sweaty smell.

He lay there for a while breathing deeply, eyes shut, then he turned his head and looked at me with those big gray eyes.

"That was fun, but I'm not gay, Edward." Straight to the point, that's my Jazz.

"Yeah I know. Thanks anyway. I don't know what I am, but that's covered quite a few of my better fantasies."

He grinned and reached for the JD and we lay there on the floor getting companionably drunk. I got to tongue-kiss him again one more time before he had to go home and do chores.

He let me do it again a few times across the next year, always when we were half-cut and stoned. I'd give him head and once or twice he jacked me off afterwards, and there was kissing and touching, but no more than that. I wanted more, but I had the sense not to push it.

I was developing my look across that year too, getting more confident and eyeing up other prospects at school. No-one appealed like Jazz, but some of the girls were shaping up OK and Mike Newton was begging for it. I gave in finally and fucked him even though he didn't really do it for me. I wanted to see what it would be like, and it was alright, but not a patch on fooling around with Jazz. Mike was irritating afterwards though and I had to make it clear that I wasn't interested in a relationship. Not with him or any of them…except Jazz. And I had Jazz, just not quite in the way I wanted.

Then when we were sixteen, Jazz got it on with Alice. I mean, we'd always hung out together, she's my sister after all and only six months older than Jazz and a class ahead, but when you're younger that makes a difference. Who knew that he was carrying a torch for her, he kept it quiet. So they started dating and that was the end of our make-out sessions.

I flick my butt into the undergrowth and sigh.

I've fucked several of the better-looking girls at school and a few more boys apart from Mike, and it's OK as far as it goes, which isn't very far. In the last few months I've started going to a gay club in Seattle where the doorman responds well to a folded C-note and doesn't do ID checks. That's led to some one-night stands where I've had fun and polished my skills, but it's all a bit empty. Or maybe that's just me.

I slip into the Volvo and check myself out in the rear-view mirror. Jazz hasn't fucked up the hair and the guyliner's still looking good. I gaze at my familiar face and blow myself a kiss. Pretty boy, one of the guys from the club called me. I don't seem to have any trouble charming the pants off most people I set my sights on, except for Jazz.

A gold ring in one ear and four silver studs in the other, curving up my earlobe. Green eyes. The decorations aren't strictly within the Forks High dress code but the staff give me more leeway than most, partly because Carlisle's a big-shot doctor, and partly as I unnerve half the teachers and charm the rest. Being a straight A student doesn't hurt either.

Haven't fucked a teacher yet so that's a possible goal for this year, to cut the boredom. Perhaps one of each sex, as a matched set?

___________________________________

A week later and we're in the lunchroom again, ho hum. Except for Emmett who's off somewhere probably making out in a broom cupboard with his new squeeze Rosalie. Alice is back from her shopping trip in San Francisco with Esme so Jazz is happy, his arm around her, fooling with her breast until she slaps him off playfully.

Then I notice someone new across the room. She's talking to Jessica Stanley (been there, deeply average and unpleasantly clingy afterwards). I nudge Alice, social database extraordinaire.

"Who's the new girl?" Indicating her with my chin.

"Bella Swan - Isabella. Chief Swan's daughter. Just arrived from Phoenix to live with him. I sat with her in English and she seems nice. A little shy."

I stare at her. She's oddly pale for someone from Arizona, must have lived in a crypt or something. Her hair's dark brown, a thick mass around her face. She's lovely and I feel a surge of interest. At last, something to do.

Someone to do.

Then she looks over and stares back at me. Wide deep brown eyes rimmed with black and a serious expression, almost haunted. She's got an eyebrow stud and several rings and studs in her ears. Interesting. She's wearing a long-sleeved black top with a fringed brown leather waistcoat over it so not entirely a Goth look. Maybe Phoenix Goths have a cowboy edge to them.

She stands up to return to class and I see black jeans and brown cowboy boots. And a thick black leather belt with studs around her hips. Good and totally un-Forks-like dress-sense, so she looks like an alien species among the blue denim, pastel and sports labels. I watch her cute ass sway as she leaves the room. Oh yes Bella, Edward wants you.

And what Edward wants, Edward gets.

I don't see her again until Biology when she sits beside me because that's the only free seat. It's free because I like it that way, but I'll make an exception for Ms Swan.

She's even better close up. Delicate features and she smells somehow floral, and of fruit. I find I'm leaning in and inhaling as she tosses the mane of hair back and turns to look at me.

"Hello, I'm Edward Cullen and you're Bella Swan," I say politely, turning on the charm.

"Yes, I did know that," she says, smiling wryly. "You're the doctor's spoiled brat son who fucks anything that moves, I gather."

I raise one eyebrow. "Oh please, I assume Stanley's been dishing the dirt. Sour grapes, believe me. I'm very choosy in fact." I give her the crooked smile, always a winner, and lean in further. "And I choose you," I whisper, soft so only Bella can hear me.

Her chocolate brown eyes turn dark as her pupils dilate. That's my girl, gotcha.

But she's not smiling now and neither am I as our eyes lock. I feel my breathing quicken and for some reason I can't look away. Get a grip, Edward. I shake my head slightly, feeling dazed. My heart's racing and I want to brush her hair aside and kiss her neck. I want to take her hand and pull her outside and fuck her in the woods. My cock's hard, and all I can think about is this girl. What the fuck's going on?

Christ knows what the rest of the class is about. Something with microscopes and we take turns. I try and brush against her every chance I get, and when our hands touch a shiver goes through me. Jesus, this is intense, it's like I'm on some mind-altering drug.

So fucking hard not to bury my face in her soft sweet hair when she leans across to peer into the eyepiece. My cock's in torment and I have to discreetly adjust myself once or twice. She notices and smirks at me, the knowing little bitch. It makes me want her more, if that's humanly possible.

Finally Banner releases us and I let her leave and just sit there shaken, until my dick subsides. I've never reacted like that to anyone before. Not even Jazz - but it's different with him, we've known each other forever.

She's gone by the time I get outside and I drive home with Alice and Emmett, unusually quiet as Alice prattles away about her day and Emmett puts his head back and nods off in the back seat.

I need to think.

___________________________________

Bella

Fucking rain. Jesus, I hate Forks. I'm in bed and it's the first day of school and I just want to pull the covers up over my head and never leave my room.

But I don't because I'm a good girl and I have no goddamn choice. I can't go back to Phoenix so I have to live with Charlie.

I don't see how I'm going to survive at all but I drag myself into the shower and get dressed. I spent some time yesterday choosing what I was going to wear so as to cope with how shitty today's going to be. Being stared at, being analysed and discussed. I can feel myself start to tense up and hyperventilate at the thought so I do the breathing exercise Gillian taught me and it helps. Slightly.

I'm sad to have to stop seeing Gillian, she was a good therapist. And I'll miss the sun. But I won't miss Renee and I sure as shit won't miss Phil. Or James. My stomach ties itself in a knot and I do the breathing thing again to squash the James thoughts.

I put on a lot of eyeliner and mascara as a disguise - too raccoonish? Nah, fuck it. Charlie blinks at me when I get downstairs - I guess he's never seen me in full armour and warpaint before. But I need it to cope with scary old Forks High. God, I'm pathetic.

Then I have to drive the ancient old truck Charlie bought for me. It's a stick shift of course, being from before the flood, and I crash the gears a few times before I calm down and remember the lesson he gave me yesterday.

Why in hell he couldn't get me an inconspicuous old Corolla automatic I do not fucking know. He really has no idea who I am at all. Probably as we never talk.

And it's bad. Not unbearable but it's pretty bad when I arrive and have to get out of the truck that suddenly seems like a haven not an eyesore. And I've totally misjudged it with the outfit which would fit right in at my old school, but here, to quote Chandler, I'm like a tarantula on a slice of angel food cake.

The rain gets all over me as I dash inside because I have no slicker - who needs one in Phoenix? So my hair goes completely fucking feral and I have to sit through the morning classes all damp and probably smelling like a wet dog. Could it get any better?

An airhead called Jessica chats with me but her smile never reaches her eyes, and a jerk called Mike tries to hit on me. He's trying too hard, probably gay or something. English is a little better as I get to sit next to a girl called Alice who seems a lot more genuine and friendly. Then we go off to different classes before lunch and I'm back with Jessica again in Trig.

I end up sitting with Jessica and her friends at lunch because I don't know anyone and it would be so much worse to have to sit alone. I had no appetite at breakfast and I have none now, but I force down an apple and a soda so as not to faint and call even more attention to myself.

Jessica's gossiping about the kids around us, telling me who's a skank and who had to get treated for crabs. Mental note: do not let this bitch find out anything about me. I nod and smile and look vaguely around through my wild hair at the sea of Nike and Adidas clones.

The only ones that aren't in the same boring mold are across the other side of the room. One's Alice who I was with in English, and there are two guys with her. I study them surreptitiously. Alice is tiny but she's very pretty with well cut, short, dark hair that must take a lot of product to keep in that spiky do. Designer labels again, but better taste and a more romantic look.

She's with a big blonde who obviously wants to take her outside and have her up against a wall. His hands are constantly touching her and she doesn't mind a bit though she keeps him within bounds in public. It's kind of cute how into each other they are. He's a looker and a bit more alternative with a ratty Doors T-shirt and torn jeans, a plaid shirt hanging open and old scuffed sneakers.

The third guy's the really interesting one though. He's sprawled out, one of his long legs up on a nearby chair, staring out the window, fingers drumming impatiently on the table. He looks bored and he's incredibly hot with a beautiful, arrogant face and red-brown hair that's perfectly disarranged.

His hair looks as though he just got thoroughly fucked in the back seat of someone's car, which is a possibility I guess but I doubt he'd be looking so irritable if that were so. He's wearing black boots, black cords and a fitted dark green shirt over a long, lean body and I can see that he's got studs and shit in both ears. Oh right, he must be gay, that explains it.

I lean over to what's her name - Jessica Stanley, that's right.

"Jessica. Who are those three over there?" - trying to indicate them without pointing.

"The Cullens and their hangers-on. The two dark ones, they're Cullens. She's Alice and he's Edward. And the blonde's Jasper Whitlock, Alice's boyfriend. And Edward's as well would you believe. He fucks absolutely anything, he's a complete whore. Just last week I saw Edward feeling Jasper up right here in the lunchroom. Believe me - stay away from that one, cos who knows where his cock's been."

She giggles but she sounds bitter and I wonder what her history is with him. But she's off again, her eyes hard and her small mouth pursed.

"Edward thinks he's God's gift. Their father's Dr Carlisle Cullen at the hospital - now he's a hottie, almost worth getting a broken leg just to have him examine you. So anyway the Cullens're rolling in it and Edward gets away with murder cos he's like, the youngest."

OK, I'm intrigued now although he does sound like a piece of work and he looked every bit as full of himself as she's saying. I turn and look back at him, curious, and find he's staring right at me appraisingly, and I feel a chill run through me and the hair stands up on the back of my neck. I see that he's wearing eyeliner and it makes his stare more intense. He's stopped drumming his fingers and he doesn't look bored any more.

I feel like a bird trapped by a snake and I wrench my eyes away, starting to hyperventilate again. Jessica babbles on some more about trivial crap as I do the deep breathing again and try to pull myself together.

I don't dare to look at him again and it's time for class so I gather my things and escape, trying hard not to stumble even though my legs feel strange, like jelly. I can feel his eyes on my butt as I leave, but that's probably just me being paranoid. I often think people are watching me make a fool of myself when of course no-one actually gives a shit about me at all.

The afternoon goes much like the morning except I'm not damp any more even if the hair's still impossible. Then it's Biology and there's only one seat free, and just my stupid luck, it's next to Edward Cullen.

So I shake my hair around me and try to hide behind it but I can feel him looking at me and I decide this is ridiculous, I have to make some attempt to act normal.

I push the hair back and turn around to introduce myself like a sane person would, and he's right there, much closer than I'd expected, which throws me off a bit and I can't speak for a moment. So he takes over, Mr Smooth in person.

"Hello, I'm Edward Cullen and you're Bella Swan."

Yeah, I know who I am, Edward but thanks for the reminder. "Yes, I did know that." I guess he asked Alice about me. He's smirking at me insufferably so I just let rip. "You're the doctor's spoiled brat son who fucks anything that moves, I gather."

He does this eyebrow-raising thing, so gay. "Oh please, I assume Stanley's been dishing the dirt. Sour grapes, believe me. I'm very choosy, in fact."

Then he gives me this quirky smile that's just so hot, the bastard, and he so knows it too, Jesus he's such a flirt. He leans in closer and he's whispering now.

"And I choose you" he says, staring at me.

Where the fuck does he get off saying that? Like, do I get a choice in this? Asshole. Christ he's hot but he's such a controlling prick and he's the Forks High whore and I cannot go there again with a bastard like this, not again.

But he's staring at me with such hot green eyes and there's an odd look to him now like he's hungry and almost afraid, and we're both breathing fast and I try to slow it down but my fingers are tingling. I can't look away, and my mouth's open like a fool and I'm wet again but not from the rain now and I can't do this again, please God no.

The teacher Mr Banner snaps us out of it and we blunder through some science lab which thank Christ I did before in Phoenix so I don't have to think about it.

Which is just as well because I can't think, my brain's turned to custard and it's like my whole body's an antenna tuned to him and he keeps brushing against me and every time it's like electricity and I can't breathe. And he smells so good when he leans across for the microscope - like toffee and mint and spice and fucking. And I want to grab him and rip open his shirt and press my nose against his chest and just breathe him in until he fills me up.

I keep my hair between us as much as I can but he keeps leaning in and what the fuck's he doing? Is he inhaling me like I'm doing to him? I probably still smell like a damp dog and my panties are so wet between my legs I'm terrified he'll smell that too. I want to push him up against the lab bench and kiss him hard with my tongue in his mouth but that's the stupidest idea I ever had and believe me that's really saying something.

I see him adjusting his pants so I know he's turned on too, and suddenly I feel happy and powerful and I grin a little and his eyes narrow and he shakes his head as if to say just you wait. And that's pretty goddam scary so I panic and hide behind my hair.

Then it's over and I scrabble for my bag and just get out of there and run through the rain for the safety of my truck. And I lurch out of the parking lot crashing the gears and cursing, with tears in my eyes because I cannot do this shit again, I just can't.

And especially not with Edward fucking Cullen.

Chapter Text

Edward

I need to think but I can't think about much except Bella Swan.

She's taken up residence in my head and I keep flashing on her face, the feeling when I brushed against her, how good her hair smelled. I keep getting hard when I think of her.

I need to beat off and exorcize her, get her the fuck out of my head.

We get to chez Cullen and Alice and Emmett make for their rooms. I head to the kitchen to see Esme. I don't much want to, but she expects it. And if I don't she'll come up to my room and that's not the best idea today. I have other plans involving Bella and my hand.

"Hi Mom." I kiss her cheek. She's making dinner - meatloaf by the smell, a personal favorite.

"Edward darling. How was school today?"

I lean on the counter and steal a sundried tomato before she chops it up. Some oil drips down my chin and Esme wipes it off with a dishcloth, holding my jaw in one hand as though I were a wriggling three year old as she cleans me, smiling fondly.

I always feel confused when she does this shit. I'm her youngest and she's not going to let me grow up without a fight. I hate it when she treats me like a kid, but I love her and I don't want to hurt her.

I already hurt her too much and nothing can make up for that.

"Same old same old. This is Forks High Mom, it's not like I need more than 2 or 3 joined-up neurons to manage it."

"I know you say you'd rather be in LA darling but you know why I decided to move here when you started school - to make sure you kids were safe and not getting into all that inner-city stuff like drugs and gangs. I mean, there are no metal detectors at Forks High, thank goodness."

There are other hazards. Bella's wide eyes fixed on mine, her pale kissable throat. And Forks has its share of bad behavior - I should know, I'm the cause of a lot of it.

So much you don't know about me. That you don't want to know, no matter what you see when you look at me. What do you make of the guyliner Mom, and the piercings? Don't you ever wonder? Does telling yourself I'm "artistic" really do it for you?

Now she's thrusting an envelope at me.

"I got some information about Seattle University. I know it's a while away for you yet, but no harm looking into it."

I take it reluctantly. "Thanks, I'll read it later." Esme's set on me commuting to SU from Forks. I'm equally set on making my escape from her claustrophobic love, but we haven't fought that battle yet.

"Homework calls." I push off from the counter, grabbing a dill pickle for the road.

I take the stairs two at a time, keen to give that little succubus from Biology a good seeing to and break her hold over me.

Under the shower's driving hot water I visualize Bella sucking me off on her knees in front of me, wet and submissive as she kneels on the tiles.

It's exciting and I draw on memories of others who've had their mouths on me, girls and boys both, imagining Bella's mouth as hot and wet as theirs as she sucks me in until I bump the back of her throat. Fantasies never have gag reflexes.

Her hands grip me as she deep throats my dick but at the end I pull back and come in her face to teach her not to haunt me.

Then as I lean panting against the wall of the shower, eyes closed and forehead against the cool glass, my traitor imagination raises her up and washes her tenderly under the shower's spray and I take her in my arms and kiss her, losing myself in her mouth, pressing myself up against her warm wet curves and stroking her breasts as she moans, nipples coming erect as I pinch them. My hand moves on my cock again, as I feel her wet body against me.

Now I'm sliding my hand slick with soap down between her legs to caress her and oh I'm pressing her back against the glass wall, two slippery fingers driving into her hot cunt as my other hand slips into her folds and finds her swollen clit and I'm running my finger around and around it, teasing her, rubbing and flicking it as she shudders. And then she comes and I'm coming again too, hard and desperate and my head falls back and I moan her name as the water runs down my face.

Fuck.

This won't do. I've a reputation to keep up and I can't be crushing on some little newcomer interloper. I'll fuck her and forget her, get it over and done with. And this weekend I'll go to the club again, that'll distract me nicely. I'm in the mood for a bit of rough, someone masterful.

Someone who doesn't have pale skin, big dark eyes and hair smelling of strawberries.

_________________________________________

Bella

I'm still in a state when I get home, trying not to think about Edward Cullen. Thinking about him anyway. His eyes…those long-fingered hands…his sprawled legs. No mustn't think about him.

I start dinner hoping the familiar tasks will calm me. Chopping onions for Bolognese sauce and I'm crying from the onions, then it's not just the onions and I have to escape to my room, lying on the bed curled up with my arms around me, hurting again.

James, fucking James. With his knowing face, his long dirty-blonde hair tied back and his hard muscled body. He could have had any girl in our sophomore year, but he wanted me. Back then I thought it was a miracle, all my wet dreams come true. Now I think he sensed I was already damaged. He smelled blood in the water and homed in on me.

Oh he was sweet at first, dating and romancing me, joking and flirting. So cool and sure of himself and I was dazzled. I fell hard, wanting only to please James and be with him. Losing myself. Trying to be what he wanted and afraid he'd lose interest in me as I couldn't see why he'd chosen me out of all the others. I wasn't special, I was just the opposite.

Chosen me. Fuck Edward and his "I choose you" bullshit. Another operator.

So James played me and I fell in love. It's still love even if the person's wrong, even if they're playing you. It's just fucked up love that's never going to last.

It was intense, all the usual shit. I loved his face, his body, his smell. I used to wait for him in his room when he was out being an arrogant prick and probably screwing other girls. At least he was paranoid about getting infected and always used condoms, small mercies. So I'd sit there waiting for him with my face buried in one of his dirty shirts inhaling the scent of his sweat, hating myself but unable to give him up.

The sex was good at first. He was my first, and at least he was gentler then even if what he wanted always mattered more. I was too insecure to tell him what was better for me and if I didn't come he got mad and said I was frigid. So I always came, whether I really had or not. I got to be an expert faker, but I still couldn't see that was the whole relationship right there.

I didn't have to fake much at first. I wasn't afraid of him then and he wasn't so out of it. He fucked me hard and drove me mad with his touch and I let him do whatever he wanted. It seemed part of the love to try everything no matter what he asked, no limits. He liked to take me from behind, bending me over his black leather couch as he squeezed my breasts, whispering hot and dirty in my ear as he thrust into me.

Then he started fingering me in public - under the table at diners, in his car as we idled alongside other drivers at stop lights, at my home in front of the TV with Renee and Phil in the next room. He made me stop wearing panties and at first it was an exciting game. Some of it was the thrill but it got more and more about owning. I was his thing and he could touch me anywhere.

And he loved me going down on him and taught me how to take him in deeply and pump him with my hands while I sucked him. He got rougher as he fell apart though, hurting me as he fisted my hair, bruising my lips and finally slapping me when he couldn't come at all, cursing me out as a useless bitch.

He got so jealous. Of any man anywhere near me, of school friends and guys in my classes. Even of girlfriends in the end. He wouldn't let me talk to anyone else but he didn't really talk to me either, just argued and brooded or left me alone while he went off scoring more dope.

He was drinking more and smoking a lot of weed. I'd started smoking too when I was with him. It was dumb I know but I was sucked into his world, and his world was full of drink and weed so I used it to be what I thought he wanted.

That was bad enough, but it was a lot worse when he started with the meth. He got more erratic, shouting and paranoid, and that's when he really started hitting me. He was cunning though, hitting me where it wouldn't show under clothes, all contrite afterwards and begging me to forgive him.

I had just enough sense left not to use meth. It terrified me, especially when I saw what it did to James. I tried to break off with him but he got so angry. He stalked me, lurking and confronting me, trying to make me come back to him.

I can't talk about how it ended. Well I did with Gillian, but no-one else, and I wouldn't lay charges and be dragged through the courts, I was traumatized enough as it was. Soon after that James was arrested for armed robbery of a liquor store and he's doing time now. Out in about five years they tell me. He never knew about Charlie and Forks so I'll be OK here - he was never really interested in me, in my life.

So that's one reason I'm here in the endless gloom and rain, one reason I jump at shadows and still have nightmares. One reason I need to steer well clear of a bastard like Edward Cullen.

Because he's just my type.

_________________________________________

Edward

Dinner en famille. The meatloaf's tasty but I don't have my usual appetite for some reason. I'm still a bit unsettled by my macho shower fantasy morphing into a chickflick, and intermittently distracted by sudden intrusive lust flashbacks of brushing against her arm and the scent of her hair. Lustbacks. Flashlusts.

What? Carlisle's talking to me.

"Edward? How was your day?"

Right. It's reporting-in time, a Cullen dinner table tradition. Emmett usually gets away with a few simian grunts and a sports update and Alice has, I now realize, been chattering away for a few minutes about the riveting trivia of Forks High.

"Oh, pretty average Carlisle. No-one went berserk with an Uzi in the hallways so it was win but a tad on the dull side."

"Very droll Edward." Carlisle frowns at me, disapproving.

He means well but he's such a stuffed shirt, the dutiful doctor. Esme married him for security and he's certainly secure. And complacent and narrow-minded and something of a hypocrite, pretending to care about me. I like to needle him, though it upsets Esme. I see her tense up out of the corner of my eye.

"More meatloaf Edward?" Esme the peacemaker riding to the rescue with food, the answer to all life's ills. It's a miracle I'm not anorexic.

"No thanks Mom, I'm fine." I will be fine, once I've hit the club and had my weekend knee trembler.

"What did you think of the information about Seattle University Edward?" Esme's certainly a tryer.

"Haven't had time to read it yet Mom."

"Seattle U?" Carlisle eyes me dubiously. "You can do better than that Edward, with your grades. You should be aiming for Ivy League."

"But Seattle would be so convenient Carlisle." Esme's quick to defend her position. "Edward could commute from here."

Carlisle and I share a look, for once in complete agreement. I want out and he wants me out. He's never been thrilled about competing with me for Esme's affections.

I've never accepted him as my father, even though I carry his name. My real father's dead, and no provincial medic with an over-inflated sense of his own importance is going to replace him. But I won't think of my father. I push those thoughts back down quickly, burying them under lustbacks of Bella's ass swaying above those cowboy boots as she leaves the lunchroom. Yeehaa, I'm so looking forward to the ride.

"Anyway it's Alice and Emmett you should be hassling about College applications, not me yet Mom. And speaking of Seattle, I'm off to a concert there this weekend. Eagles of Death Metal are playing so I plan to stay over Saturday at Greg's place and come back Sunday." Greg's a mythical friend I've invented for my trips to the Seattle club. He allows me to party all night away from parental supervision.

"Eagles of Death Metal? The names these groups make up. Ridiculous. Death Metal indeed, it'll be Satanism next." Carlisle huffs disapprovingly.

"Actually Carlisle the name's an in-joke - Death Metal meets the Eagles. Their music's been described as a combination of bluegrass slide guitar mixed with stripper drum beats and Canned Heat vocals."

Carlisle glares at me as though I'm an unpleasant alien insect he hasn't yet managed to exterminate.

"It doesn't sound like very nice music Edward. It's not going to be a rough crowd is it? Bikers or …what are they called…punks?" Esme fretting about her baby boy again. If only she knew.

"No Mom don't panic. No heavies." Not at the concert anyway, which I do plan to catch. But I'll definitely be on the lookout for some rough trade at the club later on.

And so endeth another delightful repast, welding us further into one big happy Cullenish family. Not.

_________________________________________

Bella

Charlie scarfs down the spag bol, seeming not to notice that it's slightly undercooked after my relapse into catatonia delayed dinner. But then Charlie's culinary abilities rival those of homo sapiens before the discovery of fire.

I'm looking vaguely normal again after dealing with the tear-blurred raccoon eyes with some wipes and strategic coverstick round the red eyes. Charlie doesn't notice anything anyway. He's content to ignore what he can't handle, cocooning himself in his work and the TV sports coverage.

As usual we don't talk at first, just focussing on the food. Not that I can eat much, but I force down half a serving.

Then Charlie pushes his plate back. "How was your first day then Bells?"

Various replies run through my head as I edit furiously. Just peachy Dad - I got hit on by a jerk, bored witless by a small-minded vindictive bitch then manipulated by an intersex lothario in Biology. And how was your day?

"Oh, OK I guess. I met one girl who seems nice - Alice Cullen. She's in my English class."

"Ah yes the Cullens. Their father's a doctor at the hospital. He's a great guy, we're lucky he chooses to live and work here, I'm sure he could make a lot more in a bigger center. So you met his daughter? I don't know the kids well, but I think the oldest boy's quite the football star. Did you meet them all?"

"No Dad, I didn't meet the jock. The other son - Edward - he's in my Biology class though."

"Edward. Mmmm. You be careful of that one, I've heard the odd rumor about him and I've seen him around. He looks like…like he could be trouble." Charlie frowns, peering at me, clearly torn about dissing the noble doctor's progeny. Not saying what Renee must have told him about my traumas in Phoenix and my career to date as a disaster-magnet for dangerous guys.

"He seemed a bit full of himself but we didn't talk much." I smell him again and see his eyes locked on mine, a spark kindling between us. My groin crawls with sudden heat and I leap up to distract myself, gathering the plates and running hot water in the sink.

I am so fucked.

My thoughts keep coming back to him as we do the dishes and I have to excuse myself afterwards as Charlie settles in front of the TV, pleading homework even though I've got none as yet.

I take a shower to relax and try to escape into bed again, pulling the sheet over my head to shield myself from remembering but I can't. I see it again - turning to introduce myself and finding him right there inhaling my goddamn hair, looking briefly blissed before he pulls himself together with the smooth operator seduction crap.

Then his eyes locked on mine and that helpless, trapped look he got before Banner interrupted us. Perhaps he's not as armor-plated as he seems?

Did he feel it too or was it just me? No, he must have felt it, the way he kept touching me "accidentally" and the way he had to adjust his cords. He was definitely turned on as well.

And I'm wet just thinking about him, remembering his shocking green eyes fixed on me, darkening as his pupils widened, edged with fucking guyliner. Damn I wish I didn't like that ambivalent semi-gay look so much but it's always pushed my buttons.

He's edgy and fucked up and it's just so hot and my hand's slid down beween my legs and I'm stroking my clit as I groan and arch back, my legs spreading wide apart as I imagine him between them, kissing my inner thighs and running his tongue up to my slit, hands spreading my folds as he tongues me and sucks me.

I'm gasping now and Jesus I'm so hot for him my cunt's on fire and I have to fuck myself with my fingers, my hips pumping as I moan oh Edward fuck me, yes fuck me Edward, fuck me hard, fuck my cunt you bastard make me scream and I'm coming now and it's intense, the hardest hottest orgasm since the early days with James.

Christ that was good and I'm all warm and loose now as I curl up on my side with my groin still half-buzzed and slip into a dreamless sleep, for once not hurting.

Chapter Text

Edward

We're in the parking lot waiting for Jazz and the Testosterone Kid's gone charging off to find Rosalie and get her up behind the gym for a quickie before class.

I need to work on Alice but I have to manage it just right. She's got weapons-grade social skills and she might see right through me. But I'm Edward fucking Cullen, I can handle Alice.

Bella's decrepit truck pulls in, gears crashing as she maneuvers it through the gateway. I grin, seeing her cursing furiously, face contorted.

"Alice, my little chickadee…"

"What d'you want, Edward?"

Shit, busted. How did she…? "How does calling you a chickadee mean I want anything?"

"You're transparent, brother mine. I'll be windexing you any second."

I am so not transparent. Fuck her, the knowing little dwarf.

"Whatever. I was thinking you should rescue the new girl…" I nod over at her truck where she's now bent over retrieving her book bag that she dropped clambering out of the cab, giving me an excellent view of her sweet round ass in jeans. Damn that's nice, maybe the truck's a plus after all… "I mean, rescue her from the dire clutches of Stanley and Newton et al."

"Me, Edward? Why don't you look after her, you're the one whose eyes are glued to her ass."

I purse my lips thoughtfully. "I don't think she's…ready…for the full force of my charm as yet…" I smirk.

"Yeah, right. Why do I think that you want me to soften her up for you?"

"Thought never crossed my mind, Alice. She just needs a…mentor. New school and all that. You could take her in hand…" I'm watching Bella walk inside and I'd so like to take her in hand, her tits and her hot ass, grrrr. I have to take a deep breath and wrench my thoughts away.

"If I do, Edward, know that it's not for you. I'm not going to pimp her for you and see her get fucked up. But I like her so, yes, I'm going to get to know her. And I'm going to warn her off you."

Excellent. There's nothing like being warned off to excite a girl's interest. That'll do nicely but I put the sullen voice on, my forte.

"Thanks for nothing." Game on.

____________________________________

Bella

My room looks like a clothing bomb went off. I woke early and started trying to figure out what to wear today. Problem is I don't do Nike or Converse. I shop at places like Target or used clothing stores run by little old ladies smelling of violets and church.

So I'm never going to entirely fit in and I find I don't really want to compromise too much. Fuck Forks High. OK, decision time. Ordinary jeans, here's a pair that are well worn in, and my old Timberland lace-up boots that are so battered now and probably won't keep the rain out but I love them. And a plain dark blue long-sleeved T with a patchwork waistcoat over it. I like waistcoats, they give me another layer to hide behind. A leather belt through the jeans and I'm set. I cool it with the make-up today and Charlie looks relieved that I'm not raccoon-girl any more.

I still haven't gotten the hang of the damn stick shift and then I drop my bag trying to get out of the cab. And of course he's watching the show, leaning on his stupid shiny Volvo all lean and amused, fuck him.

Alice is with him, probably waiting for the blonde guy, what was his name? Jasper. She seems to be telling Edward off for some reason but I can't really see out of the corner of my eye because he's staring right at me and I don't want him to catch me looking.

And this time as I walk inside I know for sure he's looking at my ass. I feel hot all over like there's a laser beam trained on me.

The low point of the morning is gym which I'm crap at, but I meet a girl called Angela there who's friendly and she rescues me by partnering up for badminton. She's tall and athletic and manages to dodge my wild swipes at the birdie-thing so no-one actually gets hurt - a miracle.

Then English, and Alice passes me a note saying "come sit with me at lunch so Jessica Stanley doesn't drive you crazy". I want to get away from Jessica and I want to be friends with Alice, but sitting with Alice means sitting with Edward and I don't know if I can handle it. I can't help but look over at Alice dubiously and she grimaces, seeming to have read my mind. She gestures for the note back and scribbles some more on it. "I'll make Edward behave, don't worry about him." So I nod OK to her, but inside I'm nervous. And how did she know I'd be worried about him - did he say something?

I'm a little late after Trig so when I get to the lunchroom Alice's table's crowded. There's another couple there today - a huge dark-haired guy with curly hair - must be the jock, the other brother. And a blonde beside him who looks like a goddam supermodel. And he's there of course, sprawled out beside Jasper the tall blonde, with his long legs crossed at the ankle, listening to an iPod with his head bent forward, the bronze sex-hair nodding to the beat and his eyes closed. Maybe if he's zoned out to his music it'll be OK.

I get a tuna sandwich and a soda and make my way over. Alice waves to me and she's got a spare chair beside her, away from Edward. I can do this. And it goes alright with Alice chatting away busily and filling me in on the local scene, minus Jessica's bitchiness. The big guy's called Emmett - really these people have weird old fashioned names, maybe Forks is in some sort of Deliverance time warp. Emmett and the supermodel Rose are mostly focused on each other, whispering and giggling, and they leave after a while, looking like they're off to make out under the bleachers. You can almost smell the lust rising off them in waves.

Edward keeps to himself, and Jasper turns out to be a nice guy, funny and sweet as he teases Alice. We get to talking about favorite books and end up discussing Cold Mountain which Jasper loves as he's mad about the Civil War. I love the writing and tell him that writing that well's my dream. And then I see Edward's watching me under his lashes and I blush and wish I hadn't gotten so carried away. The writing fantasy's not one I usually share.

____________________________________

Edward

I play it super cool the first few days whenever I'm around Alice and Bella. They're well on the way to being BFFs which is handy right now but may prove awkward when I've plucked the Swan and am over her. Oh well, cross that troll-infested bridge when I come to it.

It's going swimmingly, with Alice lulled into a false sense of security by my good behavior around Bella. Mostly I ignore her, but I listen hard under cover of the iPod. I have soft classical like Debussy and Mozart playing quietly in the background but I let them think my ears are full of Foo Fighters so I can't overhear them.

I'm stalking Bella and they don't even know it. Reconnoitring my prey so I have ammunition when I move in for the kill. I'm often moody and uncommunicative so no-one notices any change.

In Biology I'm scrupulously polite. That's the hardest part - not being polite, I can do that act blindfold and buried upside down in shit. No, it's hard reining in the lust when we're so close in class and I can smell her and she brushes against me and flips her hair. I swear she does it on purpose to fuck with me and the movie on Wednesday almost does me in. It's like there's an electric connection pulling at us, like we're two poles of a magnet and I have to fight the force that wants to slam me thwack against her mouth. I just manage to resist it but I'm hard through the whole class and impatient afterwards to get home and relieve the tension.

There's been a hell of a lot of tension-relieving going on since Bella arrived and my couch, shower and bed have all had extensive workouts as I take her in every conceivable position - bending her over the furniture, on all fours, from the side after waking in the morning all entwined, pounding into her with her legs up over my shoulders, bouncing her in my lap in the Volvo. I had to do an extra laundry load myself to divert Esme's suspicions. Damn I need to fuck this girl, she's driving me insane.

By Wednesday I know a number of things about her. She loves reading and I'm surprised that the books she likes are similar to my own tastes. She dreams of being a writer some day. She loves Ron Sexsmith and Gram Parsons, and she's turned Jazz on to musicians from the other side of the planet that he's never heard of like The Datsuns, Salmonella Dub and Fat Freddy's Drop - apparently there was some Downunder exchange student in Phoenix who loaded it all onto her laptop. She's thick as thieves with Jazz, swapping mp3s busily. And she loves opera. Her favorite's Madame Butterfly and I find myself remembering the live recording of Un Bel Di by Renata Scotto I have in my collection, and thinking I must play it for her.

It seems unfair that the more I find out about her the more interesting she is. I'm not planning on liking her for Christ's sake, that's never been the idea, objectification's a fuck of a lot safer. But it's hard not to warm to her, especially as she's such a klutz and I see her trip and stumble several times even in a few days, and in Biology we already have an agreement that I handle any sharp objects in the labs. I almost catch myself feeling protective towards her. I need to cut that shit out but somehow my heart lifts when I see the old red truck pull in and Bella falls out yet again.

By Thursday I'm ready to make a move. In the morning break I show Jazz some choice porn clips on my phone featuring tall men and very small women - a particular kink of his. I've been saving them for the occasion, and sure enough by noon he's eyeing Alice hungrily. Alice isn't worried about me attacking Bella now so she and Jazz take off in his car for a quickie. Emmett and Rose absent themselves on a similar mission so it's just me sitting at our table, when Bella arrives.

She's a little taken aback to find I'm the sole welcoming committee but I smile at her and pat the chair beside me, and really it'd be rude of her to refuse. So I turn on the charm and I feel her thawing as we talk about music and books and movies, and suddenly it's time for class, sooner than I'd expected. So I walk her to her next class and we pick it up later in Biology, passing each other notes, playing the "extremes" game, trying to think of ridiculous things to ask.

Me: What's the worst pet experience you ever had?

Bella: I drank my goldfish by accident when I was 11. Was in a glass while I cleaned his tank and I forgot and got thirsty.
What's the most embarrassing date you ever had?

Me: Age 13, took a girl to the Seattle Space Needle and pissed myself when the Ferris wheel jammed with us up top. I'm not too stuck on heights.

I'm pleased she's asking about my dating history. Not that I really have one, having avoided romance and moved rapidly into serial fucking. But it means she's interested.

By Friday I've stolen Bella away from Jazz and his Touch, and we spend lunch talking about opera. I tell her about my collection and by the end of the day she's agreed to come over and listen to the Renata Scotto track.

Excellent progress.

____________________________________

Bella

The week improves after Monday's shaky start. I feel more accepted and low profile, which helps a lot. And I have a place to eat lunch, with the Cullens and Jasper.

Even Edward improves, though I'm thrown on Thursday to find he's the only one at the table. But he's unexpectedly charming and we get caught up talking so I lose track of the time. He walks me to my class and I know he's supposed to be a bastard but I can't help it, I like how it feels. He's just so damn beautiful and my breath catches in my throat when he turns those green eyes on me and smiles.

It's the same in Biology where he's always the gentleman but it drives me mad to sit so close to him, especially as Banner shows a movie on Wednesday and it's worse in the dark. I start almost hallucinating, my senses are so hyped up. His scent's strong in my nose, making me squirm and shiver and I hear his breathing and it sounds like he's breathing fast as well. I sneak a look at him and he's staring at me when I do, faintly outlined by reflected light from the screen, his eyes black and intense. Thursday's easier as we're chatting by then and we pass notes like seventh graders. It's fun.

Then Friday I discover he loves opera too and has a great collection, so I agree to go over after school. Charlie's fine with it as it's Alice's place and I told him we're getting to be friends which he's happy about. I don't tell Charlie it's Edward who invited me, figuring he'd be a lot less keen on that plan.

So after school Alice takes the Volvo and I drive Edward in my truck as he says the turn-off to their place is hard to find. I'm curious to see where they live, as I follow the Volvo out of town.

"Why a Volvo, Edward? You seem like more of a Porsche guy somehow."

He grunts and makes a face. "Esme, my Mom." He looks sideways at me. "She's…overprotective. She bought it for me when I got my licence, as Volvos have a great safety record."

"Couldn't you talk her into something a bit more boy-racer?"

"No." He sighs. "Road safety…it's something of a sore point with Esme. Ancient history, I won't bore you with it. But it means I have to go along." His mouth's hard now, jaw clenched and I wonder what the story is but I don't feel I can ask, he's so tense and his eyes are bleak.

The house is amazing, huge and white, set well back in the forest down a long winding drive. Alice is waiting on the porch and we go inside and I'm introduced to Esme, their mother. She's lovely too, and fair, so I wonder where the dark genes come from as Jessica mentioned their father the doctor's a blond as well.

I watch them with their mother, wondering about what Edward said about her being overprotective. Alice chats away, but Esme's focussed on Edward and I feel a little sad. It seems as though Alice is trying hard to get Esme's attention, and I wonder if that's one reason for her bright chattiness. Seeing her with Esme it seems a little forced and brittle.

It's even odder with Edward and his mother. She obviously dotes on him but she treats him like a kid. He's strange with her - affectionate but resigned and tense. He senses me watching and that seems to make him pull back and close off a little more.

Esme's polite to me but I can feel she's taken aback that Edward's brought someone home to share his music with. Surely he's done this sort of thing before - or does she chase the competition away? That's what it feels like - that I'm competing with her. Fucking weird.

Finally we get away and head upstairs. Alice's room is on the second floor and Edward leads me on to the next flight of stairs as his room's on the third floor. I almost trip on my bootlace which has of course come undone and tried to disable me and while I'm tying it I see through my hair Alice giving Edward the "I'm watching you" warning with the V-fingers to the eyes. He flips her the bird behind my back.

His room's huge and his collection's amazing. Of course he's got a top of the line sound system and he sits me in this big black sofa positioned very exactly between four huge speakers which are literally taller than I am, and plays me the Puccini aria, then some other favorite arias and duets.

He comes and sits beside me, telling me about the music and because it's the best place in the room to listen, and I'm hyper aware of him so close to me. Then he plays me the Pie Jesu from Lloyd Webber's Requiem and I'm all over gooseflesh, and shivers run down my spine and I can't help it, tears roll down my face it's so beautiful. It always has that effect on me, but he's startled and he thinks I'm upset about something. He pulls me to his chest to comfort me and I turn my face up to tell him I'm alright, it's just the music and suddenly he's kissing my tears and my eyelids and running his nose down my cheek and jaw and I turn my open mouth to him blindly and the kiss obliterates me.

He seems swept away as well and he's fallen back against the arm of the couch with me on top of him, twined with him as he moans into my mouth and his tongue invades me, both of us gasping and I'm whimpering as he takes a shuddering breath then attacks my neck, kissing and licking me in a frenzy as his arms go around me, pulling my hips hard against him. My pulse is hammering and I pray that he can stop because I know I can't and I'm afraid and excited and just lost in his mouth and his touch.

And he does stop after a while, holding me to his chest, breathing heavily and stroking my hair. Then he sits us up and kisses me more gently, nibbling my ear as he presses me back against the sofa arm this time. He slides down a little, licking and kissing down my neck and the hollow at the base of my throat, then he's nuzzling my breasts as he cradles them through my blouse, his fingers tracing tingling circles around the peaks. I want him to touch me so badly and I push him gently back and unbutton my blouse for him, letting it fall away. He looks up at me, his face so lovely and full of hunger, then he bends to kiss and lick my breasts and suck on my swollen nipples through the blue lace bra as I moan and writhe under him.

He groans and clings to me, his head on my breasts. "Dammit Bella, you'll be the death of me."

We lie like that for an age as I stroke his wild hair and smoothe the tension from his forehead.

And then I do up my clothes and go home and fuck myself stupid in my own small bed, feeling his hands and his mouth on me again all over and no clothing between us.

____________________________________

Edward

It's been a confusing week and I'm happy to get away to Seattle. I spent much of last night jacking off and lying awake thinking about Bella, baffled by why I stopped when I did and didn't even put my hand down her jeans or get a blow job out of it. Hell, I didn't even take her bra off. What am I, fourteen again? It's just so annoying and…unlike me. Maybe it was the music, but I've never fallen into a kiss like that and fucking lost it.

I shake my head and focus on the coming night's entertainment. Should be far more straight forward and I'll finally get laid, thank Christ. Women are too fucking complicated.

So now it's Saturday at sunset and I'm driving, relishing the speed and freedom as I take the longer route through Tacoma. I just want to drive, don't want to dick around with the ferry. I've got an EODM playlist blasting out through my iPod jacked into the Volvo's sound system to warm me up. Doesn't pay to listen to other bands beforehand then be disappointed with the actual concert.

I break out a fat spliff and suck in the harsh resinous smoke, sliding into the twilight zone as Seattle approaches. Time dilates and locating the concert and parking becomes both an epic adventure and an interesting philosophical concept in a multiverse of options. I just manage to stick to Plan A though. Fuck that weed was strong.

I don't want to be encumbered with crap at the concert so I lock my jacket inside the Volvo and go in wearing just my T-shirt. It's a favorite old Stones one with the classic red lips and tongue, and it falls a little short, up above my lowrider jeans. But it's humid tonight and I'll be in a crowd of people so I won't be cold.

I weave my way down towards the front, just at the back of the thickest crush by the stage where there's a little more room to move. How can you keep still to Bad Dream Mama?

It's a good concert - I'm still very buzzed from the joint and I get right into the familiar music, dancing on the spot, happy in my own little world within the crowd. There's not much room to move though and I get a bit carried away during I Want You So Hard and lose my balance, falling back into the person behind me.

Because I'm ripped I think it's funny and then I feel hands on my waist. Large hands, steadying me firmly under my T-shirt. Large hot hands on my bare skin. Several things lurch through my stoned head.

Big hands - a man's hands
Feels nice, safe somehow
He's tall…taller than me
Smells good - leather and musky sweat and cigarettes
Should I stop this, move away?
I don't want to - I like being held by him…

I'm turned on by the contact and the dope and I can't help but writhe a little in his hands.

He takes a small step forward while pulling me back and he's up against me, holding me to him from my butt to my shoulders. His legs are apart, enclosing mine. My head drops back against his shoulder and I breathe him in. His arms go around my waist, pulling me more firmly to him and I feel his hard cock press into my ass.

The crowd's close around us and it's dark and the music's crashing and everyone's moving. No-one's paying us any attention and I feel myself getting hard as this stranger holds me close. It's intimate and sensual and risky because he could be anyone and all I have to go on is the feel of his skin and his smell. But somehow that's enough.

I let myself go and relax fully against him and his right hand slips down in the darkness of the crowd and palms my cock, stroking it through my jeans as I turn my head and moan into his neck, humping myself on his hand. God, his hand's hot on me, I'm burning. And we're moving to the beat of the music, hips grinding and rolling together as he touches me, his other hand warm against my skin under the T-shirt, sliding across my belly. My feet are apart, my sneakers jammed inside his boots on either side with our legs pressing and sliding against each other as we thrust and writhe.

The band's loud as we move together and he reaches around further between my legs and cups my balls as well and it feels so good as I push my junk into his hand, my own hands coming up to cover both of his, holding them close against me.

He's taking my hands now in his, drawing them down to my sides then in behind my back so they're trapped between us at the base of my spine as though I was cuffed by the cops. He wraps his arms around and holds me there, putting his hands back where they were on my cock and my waist, clamping my hands and arms behind me. It forces me to arch back against him a little, head on his shoulder and my ass pressed hard into his erection as we gyrate to the beat.

I feel helpless and captive and incredibly turned on. My cock's swollen and sensitive under his hand as he strokes my shaft through the denim but the weed relaxes me so it's sensual and I don't come in his hand. I moan with pleasure, rubbing my cock against his hot fingers.

I've never been so aroused and I feel his excitement too, his breathing harsh in my ear as I press my ass back against his cock. I shift forward, sliding my hands down a little behind me and cup his hard cock through his leather pants and feeling the leather, knowing he's in leather, turns me on even more as I hold him, my hands trapped between us.

I swivel my head and try to kiss the skin of his neck where his head's fallen forward beside me. His scent's strong in my nose and I can barely reach him but I lick his neck. He shivers so I squeeze his cock and lick him again, tasting his skin all salt and smoke and musk. I feel his deep groan vibrate under my mouth and in his chest where it's pressed hard against my back. I can't see his face at all, it's above me and the black wing of his hair shields him.

I need to lick him all over, take his cock into my mouth and suck him. My throat aches for him as I imagine it and my head drops back on his shoulder again, my mouth falling open as I lick my lips and feel him caress me. I'm whimpering now and I need to make him come for me and I need him to make me come. And I know we will and I'm filled with electric longing.

We move to the music locked together, each holding the other.

I want to get him away from the crowd and fuck him 'til we're incoherent.

I want to be held like this forever.

Chapter Text

Jake

So I'm tooling along on Sophie my Harley, enjoying the ride, and it's not raining which is fucking ace. This neck of the woods ain't so great for bikers but fuck it, I'm tough, me and my leathers can take a little inclement weather. It's Saturday and I've got a ticket to EODM in Seattle and some cash in my pocket, and it's all good.

If I could just get laid it'd be totally excellent. I'm feeling horny and pent up cos Lou my regular fuckbuddy moved to Portland a couple of months ago. We weren't an item or anything, just friends who liked getting it on, but I miss her. Well, I especially miss bending her over Sophie in the woods and fucking her brains out, but she was fun, and into bikes as well.

It's not as though I'm picky. I just like fucking and I'll get it on with cute girls or boys if the mood takes me. But shit, La Push's so small and those Forks kids don't really mix with us down on the rez, and there's no place we can all meet up. So I'm hopeful for some action in the big city.

I get there a little early and text Red who owns Central Cycles where I bought my Harley. He's a good dude and he comes down from his apartment above the storefront and lets me in down the side alley to park Sophie in his yard. I don't trust these city types around my girl. I call her Sophie cos she's a Softail Harley, getting on a bit now but I keep her purring along. Red and I chew the fat about bikes for a while and he shows me some new models in the store.

I score a couple of E from him then I walk a few blocks to Neumos which is the venue, debating whether to take one now. In the end I don't as I'd rather not do E by myself and it's not the best for fucking (well maybe for fucking, but not for coming). Who knows, I might still get lucky.

The leathers get a bit sweaty after a while so I take the jacket off and sling it across my shoulder. It's cooler in my old black wifebeater and I get some fuck-me looks from chicks as I'm waiting to go in, and some fuck-off looks from their boyfriends.

Can I help it if I had a growth spurt the last two years? I'm six-four and built. Working part-time on the La Push fishing boats will get you some muscles, and me and Billy need the cash. Anyway, it makes it easy to get into concerts and clubs cos I look 20 at least. And I've got my cousin's ID. Hey, us boys from the rez all look alike, right?

So I get myself into the crowd, not too far up into the crush, and I'm getting into the music and EODM are cracking me up as usual. Those dudes are still giving Guns 'n Roses shit every chance they get. I put the jacket on again cos it's a hassle carrying it and I want to move, and I look across to my left and the lights flicker across his face and I recognise someone from Forks in the crowd. Don't know his name but he's caught my eye before.

He's totally fuckable, but he's one of the rich white kids that mostly don't come out to La Push and I haven't seen him for a while. Talk is he's something of a whore, but who am I to judge and he sure is cute - especially tonight in an old Stones tee and ratty jeans, his hair all grunge as he bops away, having his own little party. I've drifted across through the crowd so I'm behind him now. Pity it's so dark and crowded cos I'd like to be able to see his hot ass bumping and grinding, right there in front of me.

Then he trips, and suddenly he's fallen back against me and I just grab him without thinking, around his waist which is bare and the moment my hands touch his skin I know I'm not gonna let go unless he makes me. Fuck, he feels good, and for a moment I'm not sure, then he kind of wriggles against me and I know we're on.

I pull him to me and I'm hard already as I wrap my arms around him. He's tall, but I'm taller and his skin's like warm silk, and I feel his lean muscles move under my hands as I slide them across his flat abs and the hollows by his hipbones. I feel the trail of hair running down from his navel and it makes me want to bite him and just fucking take him right there in the crowd. I have to distract myself so I turn my face into his messy hair where his head's fallen back on my shoulder and he smells of weed, bad boy, no wonder he's so into the music. I feel him relax in my arms and I just have to touch him, I want him so hard, just like the song the band are playing.

So I reach down in the dark and hold him and stroke his dick and he's hard too - oh yes baby. He gives this sexy moan and fuck, he feels so good. My fingers trace his long hard shaft through his jeans and I rub my thumb back and forth across the head where it's trying to pitch a tent through the denim. He's making these helpless little whimpers in my ear now and I feel like I'm gonna come just hearing the noises he's making. So fucking hot, and he puts his hands on mine and we're dancing together and the little tease is rubbing his tight ass against me and it's so fuckhot good I can hardly breathe.

He's got me so worked up, the way he's trusting me and letting me touch him, and on a sudden urge I grab his hands and pull them in behind him. I need to own him, to claim him and I sense he wants it too as I trap his hands and wrap my arms back around his long lean body and hold him like I'm never gonna let him go and stroke his junk again, making him press even harder back against me and whimper some more. Oh yes, he likes it. And in my head I promise him more of the same later on when I get him alone. Baby, I'm gonna take you and make you beg and I'm gonna get you to make those sexy whimpers a whole lot more and I'm gonna make you come so hard, you hot sweet thing.

Then he reaches down and oh shit, he's holding me through the leather, and he licks my neck and squeezes my dick and I'm the one groaning now and I'm so close to coming as I hold him and smell his hair and dance with him like we're one hot wanting thing, all twined up together.

____________________________

Edward

I never want him to let me go, but of course the concert ends and he unwraps his arms and just holds my waist again. And I feel bereft, and then I feel nervous and excited because now I get to see him. So I turn around in his hands and look up at him. He's fucking huge - tall and broad shouldered and so damn macho in the boots and bike leathers and a black wifebeater. He looks like he's from La Push or one of the other reservations, with red-brown skin and long black hair falling straight to his shoulders. His head's tilted back a little and his dark eyes are half-closed and he's smiling and looking at me like he could just eat me up, and fuck yes, I want him to.

He grabs my hand and pulls me through the crowd as people spill out of the entrance into the cool, humid Seattle night. He starts off down the street, but my car's the other way so I pull on his hand and jerk my head and say "car" and he nods and drops my hand and follows me. I wish he hadn't let go of my hand, I liked it, but then as we turn down the smaller side-street where I left the car he comes up beside me and puts his arm round my shoulders and pulls me to him. I've never let anyone touch me in public like this, but he's natural and easy about it so I put my arm around his waist. Then his hand drops to my ass and he squeezes me and OK, that's hot, and I look up at him and flirt a bit with the eyelashes and he grins and squeezes me again.

"Keep that up, and we won't even make it to the car" I say, smirking up at him.

And suddenly he's got me and he's walking me back 'til I'm pressed against the brick wall of an old building we're passing in the shadow of some steps and his hands are in my hair and he's crushing me to the wall, pressing himself hard against me, and his mouth's all over mine and fuck yes he's kissing me hard. I grab his ass and moan into his mouth and it's all hot and wet and tongues as I suck his kiss. I buck my hips into him because I have to, I'm burning and I need him and he growls low in his chest and I almost fucking come on the spot.

His hand goes down and he grabs my junk again, and I don't give a shit where we are, not that there's anyone around to see on this dark, quiet street, and I moan as he undoes my jeans and takes out my cock, sliding his thumb across the head where it's slick with pre-come. My eyes roll back, and I shudder.

"Oh fuck…aaaah…fuuuck…" I'm not making sense any more as I writhe under his touch and he bites my neck, making me grunt helplessly and pump myself into his hand.

"Want you…gonna have you…" he whispers in my ear as he works my cock, which is so hot and swollen now after he's been touching me all night it feels like it might glow in the dark. And I can't take it any more and I can't stop and I want it I want it I fucking want it.

"Going…to…come…" I gasp. Oh fuck, here on the street in his hand, but I can't help it.

"Yes, baby, yes…" He spins me around to face the wall and does the captive thing to me again, pinning my hands behind me and wrapping his arms around so I can't move as I arch back against him, my cock jutting out in front. He pushes his hand down into my open jeans, squeezing my balls and then gripping my shaft as he pumps me with fast, hard strokes and his thumb rubs across the head and he bites the back of my neck and growls again and my legs are shaking and giving way but he holds me up with his left arm.

"Oh…please…oh…fuck…ohhhh…fuuuuck…unnnnnghhhhhhhh!"

And I just fucking lose it as I come in his hand in the shadow of the steps. I'm making noises like an animal, but I don't care.

We stay like that for a minute, locked together in the damp dark of a Seattle night, panting, his strong arms around me because I seem to have temporarily lost the use of my legs. Then when I've recovered and can stand and fasten my jeans, he puts his head down into the crook of my neck and kisses me, hugging me close. He's so big and his skin's so warm and God, it feels good.

He goes to wipe his hand on my Stones T-shirt but I'm not having that, it's fucking vintage, so I lick the last of my come off his hand and he groans as I swirl my tongue around his palm and suck his fingers into my mouth.

____________________________

I take his belt buckle and pull him to the car, only a few meters away. As I'm unlocking it I hear a snort behind me.

"A Volvo huh? Very sexmobile."

I turn round, annoyed by the fucking Volvo getting dissed yet again, pissed with Esme and myself, but I can't stay mad when I see him grinning. Somehow there's no malice in him so I grin too and reach out and grab his jacket lapels in both hands and wheel him around, slamming him up against the car and kissing him fast and hard, closed mouth.

He tries to deepen the kiss but I push him back at arm's length, leaning over with my arms on the car roof on either side of him and half-closing my eyes as I do the crooked smile and whisper huskily.

"Collision warning. Roll-over protection. Blind spot integration. Whiplash protection. Safety cage. Crumple zones. Dynamic…stability assistance. Electronic…traction control."

There's an edge to his grin now, and his eyes are hot. "You are so gonna need all that protection when I get my hands on you again. Fuck the traction control."

"Promises, promises." And he's pulling me hard against him and tongue-fucking my mouth until I pull away, gasping. "We're never going to get into the goddam car at this rate. We need to get a room, unless you've got a place here."

"No, I'm from La Push. Yeah, we so need to get a room. I want you in a bed, hot thing."

I grin. Hot thing indeed. "That'd be Edward Hot Thing to you."

"And I'm Jake."

"Yes, you most certainly are."

____________________________

I take Jake to the motel I use instead of the fictional Greg, when I'm staying over. It's nice enough, not sleazy, and the rooms have mini-bars.

We kick shoes and boots off at the door and take turns to piss, awkward at first in the bright room lights, almost shy. I turn them off, just leaving the bathroom light on, the door half-closed.

I push his jacket back off his shoulders and he shrugs out of it, then I lift his wifebeater and pull it up over his head. He's wearing a large tooth set in silver on a chain around his neck. His chest's so broad and the muscles are hard. His skin's a smooth red-brown everywhere, no hair, and his nipples are dark brown. I lean in and suck on them, running my hands over his chest, feeling like a kid in a candy store. Fucking beautiful.

Jake shudders and lifts up my T-shirt so I pull it off and fling it aside. He takes my head in his hands and draws me to him, tilting his face, and the kiss is soft and hungry, his long hair brushing my neck like black silk. Then I'm in his arms skin on skin and he's thrusting his hips into me, gripping my ass and one hand in my hair, his mouth hot and urgent.

I push him away a little and undo his belt and pants, pushing them down some. His cock emerges, standing out proud and I can't help but lick my lips, it's impressive. He wriggles out of the leather and kicks the pants away...and he's gone commando, of course.

"Snap," I say, sliding my jeans off, and we're both naked now, just gazing at each other, breathing hard.

I run my index finger down between his pecs and between his six-pack abs to his navel, then down his happy trail and I take his cock like a handle and walk him back to the bed behind him. I push him down onto the covers and kneel between his legs, stroking his thighs. He raises up on his elbows and watches me through half-closed eyes.

I blow hot air on his balls, then I take them gently into my mouth. I wrap one hand round the base of his long, thick cock, and run my tongue slowly up the underside then take the swollen head into my mouth, tasting his pre-come and tongueing the slit a little. He whimpers and his head goes back, eyes closing.

It's not fair to tease him for long though, he's held out for hours now so I suck him into my mouth, relaxing my throat but I still can't quite get all of him in, he's so big. I watch his face get dazed and hot as he falls back onto the bed moaning, hands fisting the covers.

I suck him in and out, getting a good rhythm going as he arches his hips and thrusts up into my mouth. Gripping his hip with my other hand, I steady him as I increase my pace, sucking harder as he groans and starts to thrust, jerky and erratic. His legs are sprawled and trembling, toes curling as he cries out and stiffens. I take him all in, and he tastes like the sea, but sweeter.

____________________________

Afterwards he pulls me up and curls himself around my back, holding me against him, his face nuzzling my hair.

"Got any more of that weed I can smell on you?"

I roll to face him, smirking. "It's in my hair? Damn, that's what you get for smoking in the car."

"Defiling the Volvo, huh? I'd have thought for sure they'd have some fucking built-in alarm to stop that sort of shit going down."

So we laze about on the bed sharing a joint, then I want a drink so Jake gets up to find us some mini JDs and I see the rest of him in the light from the bathroom. There's an amazing tattoo of a wolf's head that covers almost his entire back.

I get up and stand behind him, stroking my fingers along the lines of ink in stoned appreciation. "Wow. That's some tatt you've got there."

He arches his back as I hold his hips and lean down, licking along the wolf's tongue on his lower spine.

"Yeah." His voice is hoarse. "The wolf's my totem. This is a wolf tooth." On the silver chain.

He moves away, leaning back against the wall by the bed, cock coming to attention again. He flips me a JD and I stand in the middle of the room, letting him look at me.

I'm hard for him again as I put my head back and chug the JD, then drop the bottle, wiping my mouth as I prowl across to him and take his big cock in my hand, loving the hot, silky feel as I stroke him.

"Hmmmm. I wonder what my totem would be?" I'm taken with the idea of having a totem animal.

"Mountain Lion" whispers Jake hoarsely, pulling me up against him and kissing my neck, our cocks pressing against each other. "You move like a big cat."

So I purr and smooch him, rubbing myself against him all silky and stoned til he growls and drags me to the bed. Fuck I love to make him growl, my wolf.

He presses me down and pins me to the covers, whispering in my ear as he runs his nose down my jaw and licks my neck. "But a wolf can take down a pussy-cat any time he wants…"

The dope and the JD are really kicking in now and everything gets slick and sensual and a little blurry. It's all hot skin sliding and clever fingers and tongues and moaning and holding down and being held down. And Jake behind me on the bed, filling me completely, our bodies moving together slow and soft, then hard and urgent as he strokes my cock, making me his as I whimper his name, and come for him again, and again.

And finally, sleep, tangled together exhausted in the ruins of the bed.

Chapter Text

Edward

I'm running through the forest, crashing through ferns and rotting mossy branches but the wolf's right behind me and I hear him howl. Shivers run down my spine and I'm sobbing and my legs ache. I know he's going to catch me and I'm so afraid and I'm tripping and falling forward into the wet black earth, falling forward, falling…

"Aaaaaargh!!!" I scream, eye to eye with the wolf from my dream, filled with dream-terror, thrashing in the tangled sheets, panicking and pushing myself away.

"What the fuck?!" Jake's jolted out of sleep and he's twisted round and is on me, pinning my flailing confused arms, peering at me wide-eyed. "Edward? You OK? What is it?"

"Oh Christ…Jake. I had a nightmare, and then I…I woke up looking at your back - the wolf tattoo - I was dreaming of a wolf…oh Jesus…" I'm still trembling a little. "I'm alright now man, let me go."

He stops restraining me and pulls me to his chest, stroking my back and massaging the nape of my neck. My heart's still racing and it feels good, comforting as my arms go around him. It feels strange as well. I've never been held like this by a man before - well, by anyone really. Usually it's fuck 'em and leave 'em, but this whole thing with Jake's been…different. More intense, closer. Not just a casual screw.

And that'll be why you're having nightmares I think bleakly. I blink my eyes, bleary in the morning light diffusing through the motel room's cheap curtains.

"Am I the big bad wolf then?" Jake's tilted my face up and he's looking at me, half-smiling but there's caution in his eyes. Yeah, it was a weird reaction.

"Maybe it was just the tatt. Not the easiest sight to wake up to an inch from your nose." I try to pass it off.

"Maybe. I should be the big spoon I guess if you're going to be a scaredy-cat."

He leans down and kisses me softly, still kneading the nape of my neck with his strong fingers. I feel myself melting, even as a small part of me notes the promise of more mornings waking up together. The assumption. It feels odd - good, but yes, I'm scared too and part of me's going whoa! what's happening here? I don't do morning afters, I've got no script for this and I feel unsure, confused.

"Jake? I…this is kind of new for me."

"What? Being with a guy?"

"No. This whole waking up with someone thing. It's usually just a quick blow job in someone's car or a screw at their pad, then I'm out of there. No muss no fuss. I never even brought a guy to this place before."

"Wham bam thank you man huh? So are you freaking out? Are you gonna run away if I say I want to see you again?" He's whispering as he kisses below my ear and I can't help but arch my neck and offer myself to him as his tongue explores my collar bone and the base of my throat. A small whimper escapes me and I'm losing track of anything but the feel of his mouth on me, his hand sliding up my neck and into my hair.

"God those noises you make drive me wild." Jake groans and rolls me onto my back and our cocks are morning wood hard as he presses me down and kisses me hot and heavy. I grab his ass and grind against him and nothing else matters as we fall into each other again, sweaty and slick and no more deep thoughts, no past or future.

"No I'm not" I say afterwards, in the shower. He's got a mouthful of foam at the washbasin and he eyes me in the mirror, puzzled. "No I'm not going to run off" I clarify, answering his question.

Jake spits out the foam and rinses his mouth then steps into the shower with me, grinning and wet as he gives me a bone-cracking hug. "Awesome, Eds!"

"Jesus Jake you're crushing me! And its Edward, not Eds or Eddie or whatever!" But I'm laughing - he's just so easy to be around, there's no bullshit.

He slaps my ass and lets me go. "You're from Forks, right?"

I raise an eyebrow. Had we met?

"Seen you around - I'm from La Push, remember? We're practially neighbours. Neighbours with benefits." He grins and lathers his hands up with soap, running them down me.

"Jesus Jake, not again…oh fuck…oh Jake…"

________________________________________________

Eventually we hit a nearby diner for breakfast. I have ham and eggs and Jake demolishes a towering stack of pancakes with bacon and maple syrup.

Chatting as we eat, curious about each other. He goes to school on the rez which is why I don't know him. We're both juniors, which surprises me - he looks older, in fact I'd assumed he'd graduated already. He lives with his father Billy who's wheelchair-bound due to diabetes. I give him a bare outline about my own family, leaving out all the real stuff. We punch numbers into each other's phones.

Jake sighs, stretching as best he can in the narrow bench seat. "I better go get Sophie."

Sophie? What shit is this?

"Relax, Sophie's my Harley, I left her with a friend a few blocks from Neumos. Can you drop me? I gotta get back to Billy and take him out to a barbecue later on."

I try to nod casually and make myself relax, feeling stupid. Fuck that was weird, I'll be growing tits next. Definite surge of jealousy there. My Jake, my wolf. Not sharing. Mine. I mentally slap myself, trying to throw off the strange possessiveness. Fucking get a grip Edward, you only just met him, you don't do permanent, he's just a fuckbuddy, chill.

Not to mention the logistics of it all which are preoccupying me as he directs me to the bike store. Neither of us have our own place and I don't think Esme and the doc are ready for me to start bringing guys home, Esme was pissy enough even with Bella. Not that I can't have friends, Jazz comes and goes like another Cullen kid, but I think Jake in full bike leathers would seriously mess with their heads. And I know Carlisle's got a racist streak from remarks he's dropped. All of which is an excellent reason to saunter in with Jake and flaunt him, but that's not likely to guarantee privacy and somehow I don't want to use Jake as a pawn in my games with Esme and Carlisle.

There's always the Volvo but I want more than a quick blow job, I want to wake up with him again. And Jake's huge - I'm not sure he'd even fit in the back seat. Shit.

I'm still brooding about it when we pull up at Central Cycles. Jake leans over and kisses me on the mouth, flicking his tongue quickly across my lips like a promise. "I'll call you, Eds. Or you call me. See you soon man." He punches my shoulder and he's gone, into a side-alley before I can tell him it's Edward not Eds.

So I head back to Forks. The way seems longer as I drive away from Jake and I look out for him on the road behind me but no Harley thunders into view. I'm hanging out for him and I fucking hate how it feels. I so don't do this, the mooning, the waiting, the fretting.

Oh crap, just call me Edwina. This shit sucks.

________________________________________________

Jake

I've got enough time to get back to Billy before the barbecue but I decide to take the Bainbridge ferry to make sure. It's faster and I know I can make the next departure time OK. I call Billy to tell him when I'll get home.

Wind in my face, blowing my hair back, feels real good. Thinking about last night and this morning, semi-hard inside my leathers remembering Edward's mouth on me, holding him in the concert, making him come. I hear him whimper again and I moan into the wind. Fuck he turns me on, I've never felt like this before about anyone. He's so damn cute - well he's beautiful really, even if it's a chick kind of thought.

He makes me want to hold him and protect him, and to fuck his brains out at the same time. I grin and the wind's cold on my teeth as I peel out of a curve, high on riding and on Edward. Fuck me, I think I'm in love.

I know he's messed up, like when he woke up screaming. Nightmare about a wolf, don't need to be Freud to figure that shit out. There's something dark in him and he's scared of getting close. Maybe he'll tell me one day if I can get him to trust me. I never cared enough before to be patient, but I want him. I'm gonna have to be careful though or I'll scare him off. Yeah right, me take it slow, like that'll work.

Fuck it, enough with the thinking, just lean into it and let the momentum take me.

________________________________________________

Quil hands me my third hot dog just as the cruiser pulls in.

"Charlie!" Billy calls, happy to see the Chief. They're buddies from way back.

"Who's the girl?" I whisper to him, as she gets out of the car, but inside I know and I feel something stir. She's slender with lots of dark hair. Jeans and old brown leather boots and one of Charlie's plaid jackets against the cold breeze from the sea.

"That's Bella, Charlie's daughter - you remember her." Billy says. "She moved back here to live with him again."

Then they're right here by the bonfire, warming their hands, and we're all saying hi.

"You remember Jacob, Bella?" Charlie says, and she blushes and shuffles her boots on the stones.

"Hi Jake, nice to see you again." Her voice is soft and she looks quickly up at me then back at the fire.

Fuck me but she's all grown up and she's got legs up to here and the fire flickers on her sweet pale face and I can't help but stare longingly at her like a goddam puppy-dog. Billy shoots me an amused glance and I remember to shut my mouth which is hanging open.

I've gone all tongue-tied remembering the last time I saw her, so all I can do is stammer "Um, yeah. Uh hi Bella," awkward and thirteen again.

That's when we last met, when I was thirteen and she was fourteen. Well I was thirteen-and-a-quarter, she's not really older, not by much. And I'm a lot bigger now, that must count for something. Fucked if I know why I'm even bothered about that, but it was what she said when I saw her last.

"You're just a kid Jake," that's what she said.

We were walking on the beach, down the far end past the washed up tree. Charlie and Billy were off on another fishing trip and we were killing time. Bella used to come to Forks for holidays each year and we spent time together whenever she did.

I had a massive crush on her and I'd finally asked her to go to a movie with me. She was nice about it I guess but she said she didn't date and then she said anyway I was a bit young for her. And then I got pissy and argued the toss, so she hit me with the "kid" remark.

I was bigger than her back then as well, and I wasn't having that so I grabbed her and kissed her. It was the first time I'd ever kissed a girl and I sucked at it. Shit, I didn't even get it right enough to do any sucking. I grabbed her hair too tight so it hurt her and half missed her mouth and I tried to stick my tongue in but just smeared her cheek as she twisted away from me then turned back and let me have it, slapping me with both her hands until I caught them in mine and said I was sorry a million times.

She calmed down finally but that was the last I saw of her; she never came back on holiday again. I felt like crap about it for months.

So, awkward.

Especially as she's making me remember why I crushed on her, but she's heaps more beautiful now and I'm finding it hard to breathe. Fuck what is wrong with me, is it hormones? Suddenly I want to get it on with everyone I meet. Well, Edward and Bella, anyway, they'll do for now.

I head over to a big driftwood log a little back from the fire closer to the cliff, and prop myself there, pulling my thick jacket around me and zipping it up, covering the boner that's helpfully cropped up at that interesting thought. Edward and Bella, oh fuck, am I a complete perv? I crush the thoughts down, shutting my eyes and shivering as I try to shift my mind onto safer topics. Shutting my eyes isn't helping, I get images of Bella in that motel bed between me and Edward. Jesus.

"Are you cold Jacob? You're shivering."

Shit. She's wandered over, eating a hot dog. She props herself beside me on the log and takes another bite. I'm finding it quite disturbing watching the hot dog slide into her mouth, especially when she bites chunks off. Her lips are plump and a little greasy from the food. I swallow when she does and the boner isn't going anywhere, dammit.

My voice comes out low and rough. "Bella…um…hi, I…just a little chilly but at least it's not raining I guess…" Fuck. Drivelling on about the weather. What a complete tool.

"Yeah, I'm having to get used to the rain again. And the clouds." She sighs, glum.

"Bit different from Phoenix I guess." I try to sound sympathetic. Lift your fucking game Jake. "So Billy said you'd moved here now?"

"Yep. I'm at Forks High. You still at the rez school?"

"Yeah. I'm a junior now."

"Me too. We finally caught up with each other then…"

I can't resist it, smirking sideways at her. "Yeah. I'm not a kid anymore." Fuckfuckfuck, shouldn't have reminded her.

But she grins, looking rueful. "Yeah, sorry about that, not the cleverest thing I ever said. And I'm sorry I slapped you upside the head Jake, I got a bit carried away."

"Hell Bells, it was me that got carried away as I recall it. I was a dick. I'm sorry, I felt bad for ages."

"Ah, it was nothing, really. I'd forgotten all about it til just now."

"So it wasn't, you didn't…I mean, it's just that you never came back again after that…"

"Oh hell Jake, no that wasn't anything to do with you. I just, I got stroppy with Charlie and insisted on holidays with him in San Francisco not Forks. I do find the rain and gray skies hard to take here…"

"So why come back?" It didn't make sense.

She pauses and I sense her tensing up. "Oh, things got…difficult…in Phoenix. Some shit happened. I don't really want to talk about it but it seemed better to be here for a while. And Phil - my stepfather - he had to travel and Renee needed to go along."

Her face is closed, and she stares at her boots, kicking a hole in the stones. She's got her arms wrapped round her chest as though she's holding herself together. Something bad happened, but I leave it.

"I'm glad you're back, Bells" I say, soft, not looking at her, kicking the stones myself. "I missed those times with you here."

She loosens up a bit and smiles at me. "It's really nice to see you again Jake. I know hardly anyone here. Well, no-one really except a few people I met at school last week."

"We should do something. What about next Saturday? Do you like bikes? Come for a ride with me on my Harley."

She thinks about that for a while, and I'm going please say yes, please say yes. I smile at her, trying to be winning but probably just looking goofy. Finally she grins back.

"OK, sounds like fun. Uh, Charlie's a bit anti-bike so why don't I meet you at your place and we'll take it from there."

"Awesome. Come about eleven and I'll treat you to lunch - a picnic if the weather's not too bad."

"Yeah, right." But she grins and bites her pouty lower lip oh man, boner again and we're on.

Fucking outrageous. I have a date with Bella and I'm all happy inside.

Hmmm. And with Edward, or at least I plan to see him again next weekend.

Complicated. Ah shit, I'll work it out. Go with the flow.

________________________________________________

B ella

It's Saturday and I get up late then occupy myself ploughing through homework assignments to keep from thinking about Friday with Edward Cullen.

I can't figure him out. First he seems just like that Stanley bitch said, hitting on me in Biology all suave and full of himself. Then he goes quiet and ignores me, then suddenly he's Mister Nice Guy and wanting to be friends. Who is he? Does he even have a clue?

And why did he just kiss me and not take it further? Well, and kiss my breasts too but I kind of shoved my tits in his face I have to be honest. Gah, embarrassed to remember that, not that he minded. Fuck he turns me on, I just lost it when he kissed me.

It's the way I'm obsessing over him, that's the main worry. OK, he's gorgeous and every time I think about his half-smile and those green eyes I just about come on the spot…well, I guess that's enough of a reason to obsess, come to think of it.

Shitshitshit, this is so not good. It's not safe to feel like this about him - him of all people. Why can't I crush on someone nice and safe and ordinary for fuck's sake? But I've never done ordinary, I seem to be a bastard-magnet.

Do I want them to treat me badly? Maybe I expect it. Whatever. My brain hurts and I don't want to think about it any more so I go downstairs and make a batch of muffins to take to the barbecue at La Push. Charlie insists I tag along and I wasn't mad keen before but now I welcome the distraction.

We get there at sunset and there's a bonfire on the beach with people standing around. At least I know Billy and Jacob's there as well. We're a bit shy at first - it's about four years since I last saw him and we didn't part on great terms after he tried to kiss me and I wasn't having any of it.

I eye him sidelong after we say hi. Jesus he's grown, he's well over six foot now and built with it. Can't imagine he works out, there are no gyms around here - maybe he works or does some kind of sport - like football or something?

He's pretty hot these days I realise with a shock, used to him just being good old Jake who I spent the holidays with while Charlie and Billy went fishing. His skin's a lovely red-brown and his hair's long and shiny black, and his face is strong now with cheekbones to die for, not rounded like a kid's. He's sure as shit no kid now.

I get some food then see he's wandered off to sit so I mosey on over to catch up with him. He's all hunched over in a bulky jacket and he seems a bit startled to see me, but we soon slip into chatting again, like old times.

Turns out he's been bothered about that tiff we had when he tried the abortive kiss years ago. I'd forgotten all about it in fact, we were both kids and I was being snotty to him as I recall. Water under the bridge and he looks relieved.

I'm remembering how easy he is to be with. He's so open - what you see is what you get with Jake and it's just really nice to hang out with him.

So when he asks me to go biking with him next weekend I think about it a bit but of course I say yes. What Charlie doesn't know won't hurt him; he's a bit unreasonable about bikes in my opinion.

I know that Jake's interested in me in more than just a friendly way. Well, snap, he certainly turned into a hottie so I can't deny I'd like to see more of him. Mmmhmm, more of that red-brown skin and the muscles I imagine from his broad shoulders and long, strong legs. The leather biker pants and boots are definitely featuring in my little fantasy as I perch beside him on an old driftwood log. Jesus Bella, calm down. Am I on heat or something?

But I'm thinking that Jake may be just what I need to counteract the Edward obsession. I'll use Jake to defuse the whole Edward thing, to distract me from Edward.

And Jake's not a bastard which is a refreshing change. Gillian would be proud of me.

Chapter Text

Edward

Monday. I wake up too early to get up for school and I'm lying in bed, arms behind my head, thinking. How did my life get so fucking complicated?

Used to be just classes that I ace without much real work, and managing Carlisle which is a cakewalk. Managing Esme's harder as I care about hurting her, but still, I've had years of practice at that shit. Alice and I are friends most of the time, and Emmett and I have gone our own separate ways since…but I won't go there, won't think about that.

And then there's lovely old Jazz, but he's Alice's now and he never was truly mine. And really no other entanglements - the rest were all casual fucks with no baggage, not for me anyway. And that's supposed to be me, Edward fucking Cullen, arrogant bastard and proud of it.

But something's shifted and it's doing my head in. First it's Bella who I'm still obsessed with, even after the thing with Jake this weekend. Which I'll come back to.

Bella Bella Bella. I say her name out loud and feel my cock twitch. God I want her, but I feel so torn. I feel - what the fuck do I feel? Shit it's confusing.

I think I feel I have to protect her from myself. From the user in me, the taker. That plan I had just to fuck her and forget her, I don't think that's going to work any more. I think if I do fuck her, I'll want to fuck her again and again, to crawl inside her and live there forever. And really, I don't want to fuck her - well I do, but I want to…shit…to make love to her. Even thinking about it makes me so restless I can't stay in bed, so I get up and pace about, kicking crumpled jeans and shirts angrily aside.

I stand at the French doors that open onto my third-floor balcony up in the tree-tops, staring out with my head pressed to the cold glass, not seeing anything but the images whirling in my head. Bella's face blushing, her breasts in that blue lace bra, Jake's muscles etched and gleaming as he leans down and kisses me.

Jake as well - Jesus what's wrong with me? Even a simple Seattle hook-up turns into a fucking gay melodrama. Well, not that Jake's into the drama, that's why he's so easy to be with. I'm the one going all daytime soap for him. Dreaming about what we did, longing to be with him again. It's more than the sex. I want him to hold me and make me feel safe again. Want him to put his arms round me and kiss my hair.

An edge of panic clenches my stomach and I turn away from the forest and rub my fists into my eyes, groaning, leaning back against the glass. Fuck, I can't do this. I can't feel this stuff now, after all these years burying myself under layers of ice. Fucking crevasses are opening up. And what, am I going to fall into my own sick shit and drown or is the kryptonite going to beam out from inside me and poison everyone around? Most likely both.

Fucking emo shit. I'm scared and I need them and it hurts. And I don't have a choice, I just have to see Bella and Jake again. The longing to be with each of them's a hunger I can't fight. But I don't know if I can survive this and I'm terrified I'll take them down with me. They don't deserve to get sucked into my crap, and once they realise who I am really, what I am, what I've done…well, that'll be that. Finito.

I've slid down to the floor now, curled up with my face on my knees and my arms tight over my head, hands clutching my messed-up hair. I'm selfish enough that I almost don't care. I need them too much so I'll paper over the cracks and pull myself out of this funk and I'll hunt them down. I'll feed off Bella's sweetness and Jake's strength until they drive me away. Because I'm no fucking good and I just…I just want them.

And what Edward wants, Edward gets. Even if it all crashes and burns.

I pull myself together in a hot shower and dress in my black jeans and chucks with a flannel shirt and my A&F down jacket as it's cold and misty out there.

Plan for the day: Operation woo Bella.

________________________________

Bella

Oh for fuck's sake, this truck is a shitheap. I'm in the parking lot but I'm stuck half in and half out of it on my stomach with my bag strap caught on the stick shift as my feet flail around trying to locate the ground. I curse furiously as I try to slide backwards out the door, wrenching at the damn bag.

Not helping to hear barely suppressed snorts of laughter right behind me and I'm so ready to punch out the fucktard who's ogling my wriggling butt, probably Newton or that Tyler asshole, another one who tried to hit on me last week. Then hands are around my waist and a shiver goes through me because I can smell that it's Edward.

He moves right up behind me, pressing me against the truck seat to hold me in place as he reaches past and effortlessly untangles the bag. Then his hand's brushing my hair back so that he can kiss and lick my neck just below my left ear while he's got me pinned, and my body liquefies. He nuzzles me again in that special spot and turns me into a basket-case, twitching helplessly against him.

"Morning Bella. Let me help you down."

His voice is dark velvet and his lips vibrating on my skin just under my ear send me into another spasm and I can't help it, I whimper.

"I think I love your truck," he whispers into my hair, a smile in his voice. "Such entertainment every morning."

Both his hands are back on my waist now and finally he lifts me down, keeping me pressed back against him so I slide down his body. He inhales sharply as my ass presses past his groin, and turns me to face him as I reach the ground.

"Entertainment, huh?" I try to glare at him as I slam the door.

I should be mad but I'm too damn turned on to do anything except grab his stupid jacket collar and pull his face down as I try to suck his lips off. One of his hands threads into my hair, caressing me, and he leans into the kiss and slips his tongue into my mouth, rolling it softly around mine as my head falls back. Oh crap, he makes me so boneless and dazed, how does he do that?

Alice coughs to warn us of an approaching teacher-hazard so he lets me go reluctantly to avoid a PDA. I fuss with my bag and try to collect myself, and Edward just stands there smirking.

"May I carry your books?"

Good question. I'm kind of pleased but I'm not sure I can cope with the claim he seems to be staking.

"Depends why you want to, Edward. We might need to actually talk about that don't you think, rather than just communicating through groping and tonsil hockey?"

"Let me carry them on probation until we can talk at lunchtime." He's smiling at me and he seems to mean it, I don't think he's fucking with me. That voice and the crooked smile and those green eyes, damn he's lethal.

He can see I've capitulated so he takes the bag from my limp grasp and slings it across his shoulder then grasps my hand in his as we walk inside. Oooo-kay then, we're holding hands too are we? Apparently we are, and his large hand's warm and firm around mine as we walk to my first class, Edward smirking and me probably looking like a stunned mullet.

Lethal. Even being near him lowers my IQ by about 50 points. Thank Christ I've got plans with Jake this weekend, this shit with Edward is scarily addictive.

________________________________

Alice is intrigued and not a little worried. She passes me notes through English, interrogating me about what's going on with Edward and warning me to be careful. We can't talk between periods as Edward's outside the door each time, waiting to walk me to my next class. He seems to have my schedule down pat - probably has the office staff wrapped around his pinky. Each time he takes my books and we don't talk, we just hold hands and it's actually quite nice, sort of peaceful.

In the lunchroom we join the queue and he tries to pay for my food, but I draw the line there. I take my tray and head towards the usual Cullen table where Alice and Jasper are seated, but Edward steers me off at a tangent to sit by ourselves.

Well, true, we do need to talk.

"So what gives with the books and the hand holding then, Cullen?"

"I like you, Swan. Can't you tell?"

He takes my hand and turns it over and he's drawing soft circles in the palm with his long index finger. My breathing hikes up a notch. Damn his touchy-feely hypnotism. I pull my hand back before I turn to mush again.

"Aren't you rushing things just a bit? We only met a week ago." I try to avoid eye contact, pretending to read the nutritional data on my tub of strawberry yogurt instead.

"I'm decisive. When I see something I want I don't fuck about."

"Right - and I'm a thing that you want." My voice is bitter and my hands clench around the stupid plastic tub as I stare fiercely at it. Back to Day 1 in Biology - and I want you. Bastard.

He tenses up, realising he's blown it. "That wasn't well phrased, I'm sorry. Bella - Bella?"

He's trying to catch my eye and he reaches across and tips my chin up as I twist away, looking off to the left out the window.

"Bella, I just…I really do like you…please, Bella…"

His voice is uncharacteristically hesitant and his hand moves from underneath my chin, stroking up the side of my face as he gently turns me back to look at him again. His eyes are so green, with gold flecks, and he's got that vulnerable look again. I'm thinking: is this just another layer, another ploy he uses to suck girls in? I'm wounded, look after me. He's a fucking master player if it is.

I can't kick him when he looks at me like that, it'd be like drowning a kitten. Damn but he's dangerous. I take his hand and gently remove it from my face, putting it down on the table. He slides his fingers through mine immediately.

"I don't trust you." More honest than I'd meant to be, but it's true.

"No, I can see that you wouldn't, my reputation having preceded me." He looks down and sighs and rubs his thumb across my hand where he's holding it. Then he looks up again, frowning. "It's mostly true, I've fucked around a lot. No-one's ever held my attention before. Before you. I'm not proud of it, but I won't pretend it didn't happen."

"But why me, Edward, I'm just ordinary and you barely know me?" That's the key issue of course. He must be bullshitting me, must be playing me, it makes no sense otherwise.

"Ordinary? I've never met a girl less ordinary. From that first time in Biology, even from the first time I saw you here at lunch, you pulled me in and I haven't been able to think of anything else. Your smell, your face, the soft feel of your hair, the way your mind works. Fuck…" He swallows and looks down at the table momentarily and a raging blush floods me as I writhe in my seat, embarrassed.

"God Bella, when you blush like that…" He's looking at me hungrily through half-closed eyes.

Oh Christ he's hot with that heavy-lidded stare, I feel myself clenching involuntarily. Sweet fuck, and now I'm getting wet and we're both breathing heavily.

"You have no idea how you affect me, Bella, I've never felt like this before, never…"

I want to whimper and drag him outside and kiss him and…shit. I rip the top off the yoghurt and take a spoonful to distract myself. Probably a bad move - he watches me slide the spoon into my mouth and I see his nostrils dilate as he inhales and his eyes go a darker green.

Something wild takes me so I do it again, but deliberately this time, sliding the soft creamy mouthful slowly into my mouth and sucking it off lasciviously, turning the spoon upside down as I drag it back then pull it out with a pop, my mouth all pouty. Then I lick my lips, rolling my tongue around in a full circle and resting it behind my upper teeth, my head back and mouth open as I stare at him under my lashes.

And he groans. He groans in the middle of the lunchroom, staring at me like a wild animal with wide eyes and flaring nostrils and I get up and grab my bag and almost run for the door. Fucked if I know where I'm going but I'm so turned on and freaked out and I just have to get out of there.

The blood's pounding in my ears and I make it some way down the corridor before I manage to trip over my feet and he's right behind me, one arm around my waist as he catches me and pulls me sideways, opening a door and dragging me in. It's dark and smells of bleach and dust.

"Fuck Edward, not the goddam janitor's cupboard? How clichéd is… "

"Don't fucking care and I can't wait, Bella, I can't..."

He's got me up against the wall, in among hanging overalls that smell of floor polish and he's hard up against me, crushing me to him as he opens my mouth and his tongue's in me, not gently now, it feels as though he wants to eat me alive as he moans and slides his hand down to my crotch, holding me fiercely through the denim and rubbing the heel of his palm hard against my clit. Still kissing me, and now both his hands are at my waist undoing the button and zipper then he falls to his knees, pulling the jeans down, taking a shoe off to free one of my legs and pushing my clothing down to the floor.

"Oh Christ Bella, oh yes…" He's taken my free leg and bent it up to the side, propping it on a nearby shelf. Jesus, I'm so open to him like this. He's stroking the crotch of my panties and I'm so fucking wet as he teases my clit. Then his mouth's there, his tongue flicking at me through the lace and I feel his hot breath as he sucks me. His hair's tickling my thighs and it feels like a furry, sexy animal's down there, wriggling around and licking me and my legs go weak as I grab the shelves on each side to hold myself up. He pulls the panties aside and slips one of those long fingers into me, kissing my belly now, resting his messed up hair against my stomach as he softly explores me. One finger, now another as he curls them around, sliding them deeply in and his thumb's rubbing over my clit and I press my lips together to keep from screaming with pleasure as a moan escapes me.

Then I can't be silent, I'm grunting helplessly as he fucks me with his fingers, finding that place inside that makes me clench down and suck his fingers in all wet and needy and his hot mouth is whispering against my belly as he kisses my skin and presses me against the back wall, keeping me there for his fingers to work on.

"Yes, Bella, oh you feel so good…yes you like that don't you baby…just there…you love that just there…you love that…just there…oh yes come on my hand, Bella, come for me…"

And I fall apart, whimpering and bucking on his fingers as the lovely fire runs up my spine and down to my feet and curls my toes and I almost collapse on top of him.

I'm vaguely aware that he's pulling my jeans back on and buttoning me up, then he's sliding my shoe on as well. He straightens up and pulls me to him as he kisses me again. I feel how hard he is pushing into my belly and I can't leave him like that all afternoon. Besides, I want to taste him. Badly.

So I'm the one pressing him to the wall and kneeling now, undoing his jeans, pushing them down to his ankles as I pull out his boxers and free his cock from them by feel, letting them slide down as well. It's almost pitch black in here, just chinks of light around the door so I take his cock in my hands and explore it. God he's huge, long and fucking hard and he's panting and thrusting into my hands a little as I run them over his length.

A memory of James hurting my mouth invades my thoughts but this isn't James, it's Edward and he smells completely different and feels different and although I shouldn't, I feel safe with him and I need so badly to have him in my mouth and make him come.

His hands come down into my hair, and he pulls me gently onto his cock as my mouth opens and I take him in, holding the base of his shaft and gripping his muscular ass with my other hand to steady him. He gives a soft, shuddering sigh and bucks a little into my mouth and I use my hard-won skills and take him all in, loosening my throat and my jaw, sucking and using my tongue as I slide him deeply in and out, holding and stroking his balls as he makes wordless noises of pleasure.

His hands leave my hair and I sense him gripping the shelves on each side as his legs shake and he strains forward into my mouth. He's on the edge, so close to coming as I grip him and massage his balls and suck him in harder and faster. Then he pumps erratically into my mouth, coming with a gasping shudder and I drink him in all salt and musk and Edward.

I set him to rights again as he did for me, then stand and he pulls me to him, holding me in his arms so tightly, rocking to and fro. He holds my face and kisses me and I feel wetness. I touch his cheek and feel the tracks of tears.

"Edward, you're…"

"Kiss me…" And I do. It's soft now, gentle and no tongues, and his lips are on my neck, and at my ear.

"Let me carry your books and hold your hand, Bella."

"Yes." I whisper it into his mouth.

Oh, Edward. What the fuck are we doing?

Chapter Text

Edward

Wednesday night about 11pm and I'm reading the latest Lee Childs in bed, not sleepy. But I can't concentrate on Jack Reacher the ultimate romantic loner. Usually he soothes me, my hero, but tonight I'm too far away from living that self-contained macho ideal so I let the book slip to the floor and just lie there, trying not to drift back into emo-land but not doing so well.

Inventory of the week so far:

1. Monday. Sudden urgent need for sex with Bella in amongst cleaning products after the yogurt incident. Unsavoury surrounds not helped by the ghosts of my past broom closet screws. Despite all that it's a fucking religious experience. I'm a complete Hallmark card now so even with a massive goddam boner I just want to make her happy. It used to be all about power and my rep as 'Fingers' Cullen. But now I just want to please her, learn her, play her like my piano and her taste, her feel and the sounds she makes drive me wild. And then she gives new meaning to getting blown. Bella with my cock all the way down her incredible throat was literally mindblowing. I mean I'm something of a conoisseur in this particular area and I've never experienced anything remotely comparable, not even with Jake and that was damn good. And the fact that it was Bella's mouth and tongue and hands, I mean, Jesus wept. And so did I. I always thought Hemingway was full of shit but I take it back, the fucking Earth moved.

2. Monday after school, Bella comes over to do homework with me and Alice as Charlie's working late. I'm still reverberating from lunchtime and I feel about as together as the asteroid belt so I'm pretty subdued. Bella and I kiss a little in my room before she heads home but I can't cope with anything else. Even Alice thinks I'm weird. Later I find myself humming along to John fucking Mayer on the radio. I mean, this shit is scary, I seriously think I may have a brain tumor.

3. Tuesday I decide no more sexplosions in broom closets - I want to take it gently with Bella now. I know I can't cope with the intensity of Monday repeated on a daily basis so although I keep touching and holding her whenever I can, we just kiss. I think she's OK with that but who knows as although we spend time together after school at my place or hers we don't really talk about all this stuff. I've got no fucking idea where to even start and I dread her asking me about my past exploits.

4. Each day I live for the breaks between classes, taking Bella's bag and her small hand in mine and walking with her beside me. Stupid fatuous grins spread over my face when I steal looks at her and I love that people are talking. I want people to talk, I want them to make a fucking announcement over the PA and on public radio. I want to hire a sky-writing plane, to take out a full-page ad in the paper and spam the world through the internet. Bella Is With Edward Now. Not that we've actually discussed it, but I think it's understood, it's implied. Bella and Alice roll their eyes at each other as I beam like a fool. I feel joyous and tender and protective and terrified and…just fucking everything.

5. And therein lies the rub. Because all this bliss and fluff is riding on a shitstorm of pain that I've held down for years. I feel like I've just got a small head start on the bad stuff, surfing along in a happy little Bella and Jake canoe just ahead of the dark wave. And once the ride ends as it surely will I am going to go down and not come up again. Nights are not good. Not good at all. I can't remember the dreams specifically, but cold and fear and running from nameless monsters feature. It helps that Jake called me last night before I went to sleep. It's different with him, less intense and frightening. He steadies me. We didn't talk about anything special, just got to know each other some more. He asked me to tell him about my room, to describe it. I talked about the house here in the forest and how I like being high up in the trees with my balcony looking out across the river. I told him about my music spread out on the piano, and my CDs and sound system. I got Jake to tell me about his home, his room in La Push. He does woodcarving and there are small carved animals on his shelves, including a wolf of course. He's got a garage where he works on his bike and he's rebuilding an old car. Talking helped me get to sleep, but it didn't stop the dreams from creeping back. It's years since I had these dreams but it's like a bunch of old elementary school bullies have come back to beat me up. And they're still so much bigger than me.

__________________________________

The cell on my nightstand makes its "text arrived" chirrup so I lean over and reach for it, thumbing on the glowing screen.

Edward - what u doing? - J

In bed - thinking

Thinkg abt what?

U

and Bella and my fucked up life, but I don't add that bit.

What u got on?

oh why not have some fun and anesthetise the emo…

T and boxers. What abt u?

Nothing

I grin. Here we go.

Tease. R u touchg yrself?

Fucking text sex - I need three hands. I'm better at texting right-handed so I slip my left hand down and stroke myself through the boxers, easing my cock out through the fly.

Yeah. R u hot 4 me now?

Yeah. Hot and hard. U?

Fuck yes hot 4 u want yr cock

I'm breathing heavily now and I spit in my hand and stroke myself harder. Texting leaves a lot to be desired in the sound-effects department as well - I want him to hear me panting, to hear me moan. And I don't think I can multi-task any more, not in this state.

Call me. Want u 2 hear me cum

I hit send, letting the phone slip into the bedclothes as I sit up, pulling off my T-shirt and boxers. Rock the Casbah tinkles up from the folds of the comforter and I grab the phone again and lie back on the pillows. It's hot to be naked and imagine Jake the same on his bed at the other end of the airwaves.

"Eds?"

"Jake…hi lover…" I drawl it, making my voice deep and husky.

"Hot and hard huh?" I can hear a smile in his voice. Oh we'll see who has the last laugh wolf boy.

"Hard for you, Jake. I'm lying on my bed and I got rid of the clothes. Can you see me lying here all spread out for you? I'm touching my cock, Jake, but I'd rather you were holding me."

"Fuck, Edward…yeah…" His breathing's loud through the phone now and I hear a soft groan. "Me too baby - I wanna be holding your cock as well. I'm so hard, Edward, fuck I'm so hard for you…"

"Tell me what you want to do to me, Jake - tell me." More spit and I'm stroking myself faster now, twisting my hand across the head of my cock as my hips buck and my eyes close, only the pleasure and his voice in my world now.

"Want to lie between your legs baby and…suck that cock of yours." He's panting now and his words come raggedly. "Gonna suck your cock into my mouth…all the way…in and out all wet and hot and fucking hard…ohhhh baby…can you feel me…doing that baby?...Does it feel good when I…suck your cock?"

I moan loudly and I'm gasping too, jerking myself hard and fast and I can't last much longer. "Fuck yeah…feels so good… your mouth sucking me and your tongue licking…licking me...oh fuck…"

"Oh yeah…feel my tongue…come in my mouth baby…"

"Coming now…oh Jake...fuck… Jake" groaning his name, my legs tense and quiver and my left hand's dropped the phone, it's clutching the comforter as I shudder and arch, coming all over my stomach and chest.

I grab a wad of tissues off the nightstand and clean myself quickly, hunting in my bedding for the cell.

"Jake? You made me come so hard I dropped the damn phone. How you doing there?"

All I hear is heavy breathing. "Jake?"

"Jeez, Edward, that was red hot. I thought my cock'd exploded. Well it had, but…you know." He laughs, sounding so happy, and I grin.

"Yeah, me too." We're quiet for a minute, no need to speak, comfortable with each other as we catch our breath.

"I want to see you this weekend, Jake, but I can't figure out where. Want to wake up with you again."

"Yeah, ditto to that. Leave it with me and I'll sort something. Saturday night, OK?"

"OK. But where?"

"My surprise, Eds - I'll call you Saturday but it'll be later, about this time - I've got stuff I have to do earlier on. Just be at home when I call."

"But...well, OK then, mystery man." I really don't like leaving it up to Jake and where can we go that late on a Saturday? I can always sneak out but then what? But I don't want to push him. "Sweet dreams then, lover boy."

"Night Eds, sleep tight."

"Oh I will after that." I lie, and click off the phone.

Fucking typical, I always have to have the last word, hate to be hung up on. It's not something I'd have noticed before, or at least I wouldn't have been bothered about it.

Before…before Jake and Bella. BJB. Not such a good era, BJB but AJB's a whole different sort of frightening. But I'm not going to do the emo meltdown any more tonight, I feel too good after hot messy phone sex with Jake. Here and now, Edward, don't overthink.

Yawning and sleepy at last, and I'm rolling over and curling under the comforter, hoping it does its goddam job for a change.

__________________________________

Bella

It's Friday and I'm in the Volvo with Edward, heading for his place after school. It's my turn today to run the playlist so my iPod's plugged in and I've got Lavinia by The Veils playing, trying to broaden his horizons. He seems to like it, swaying a little from side to side as the music swells. He's taken to picking me up before school, but he did say he missed the morning truck dismount slapstick routine.

We're getting quite good at this - being together comfortably doing homework or listening to music. Sometimes he just holds me in his lap as we sit on his couch, nuzzling my hair or holding my hand. Sometimes we kiss but since Monday its always a gentle, breathy tongue-twining or closed mouth dustings of kisses across my face and neck. He's driving me fucking nuts and it's all my fault.

My fault I goaded him into mad janitor's cupboard sex. I pushed it too far and somehow I've turned him off and he's gone all weird. Was it the blow job? I guess I just disgusted him. Nice girls don't know how to do that stuff so now he probably thinks I've done a truckload of teen porn videos under the name Candy Suckalot or some such shit. Damn. He seemed to like it at the time, no, I know he liked it, but afterwards he just withdrew and we've hardly talked since.

He's not looking too good either. I mean he always looks like sex on legs but he's got dark shadows under his eyes. He looks like tired sex on legs and it worries me that he seems so stressed - am I making him like that?

I can't figure out where I am with him. He wants to carry my bag and he's touching me all the time, almost as though he needs to keep checking that I'm real and still there. And he's moody as hell - either preoccupied and sad, or breaking into huge grins when we're together. We never really talk and I don't know what we are. I mean, he's staked a claim, that's obvious, but now he's gone quiet and he's holding back from me so I must have done something wrong.

I'm just about to explode from all the touches and kisses, gentle as they are. Every damn touch is electric with Edward so I'm constantly amped into a quivering mass of lust that doesn't go anywhere. I did try a couple of times to deepen the kisses or touch him in a less grade school way, but he just gently disengaged from me and turned it into a hug.

I'm about ready to punch him in the nose with frustration. So I've decided - we have to talk. Tonight. I can't take this any more.

I wait 'til we're on the sofa in his room and he's put on Ravel's Pavane for a Dead Princess. Hmmm, hope there's no message in that.

"What's going on, Edward?"

He looks down at me, frowning slightly, and strokes my hair back from my face. "Going on?"

"Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. Why've you gone weird since Monday? I blew it didn't I?"

"Blew it?" He's tracing small circles on my neck now.

"Fuck, apart from that. Well, because of that. Blowing it, I mean, you. Fuck." OK, lost the ability to speak English and not even because he's fucking my brains out. Crap.

He's peering at me, baffled, clearly wondering if I've gone off my meds and totally lost it. No, just my usual incoherence when in The Presence. I pull away from him and move down the couch a bit to get away from the Electric Fingers so I can think straight.

"OK, starting again. I'm freaking out because since I, er, you know, did that to you in the janitor's cupboard on Monday, you've barely said a word to me all week. So I guess it's clear that even though you liked it fine then, you've had second thoughts afterwards. About me. It's put you off me hasn't it? Was it too skanky?"

"Sk…what? Bella, you can't mean that. How could I ever…? No, hell no, I don't think you're…I could never…"

He's all worked up and he's on me again, holding my face in his hands, peering at me incredulously.

"You thought I'd gone quiet because you did something wrong? Jesus, Bella, Monday was…it was so good I don't have words. The way you made me feel…no-one's ever made me feel like that."

Then he lets me go and slumps back, running his hands through his hair and screwing the heels of his palms into his eyes.

"That's the problem, you make me feel…"

"What? What do I make you feel?" Now I'm the baffled one, and he looks so fucked up I'm frightened.

"Everything…" He's not looking at me now, he's turned to sit sideways with his knees pulled up, arms wrapped around himself, holding it all in.

"You didn't feel things before?"

"Not much, not since I was a kid. I've been Edward fucking Cullen for a long time. And he doesn't feel things, good or bad. Mostly just surface stuff like pride in being a prick and wanting to get laid." His voice is bitter.

"So you're saying that I make you feel things? Feel more?" What, Edward, what do I make you feel?

"Yeah. You make me feel alive again. I feel happy around you and anxious when we're apart. It's so intense it freaks me out and I panic. That's why since Monday I've been all over the place. It took me years to build those walls up and it's hard to let go of them."

Tell me about it. Not that I've done it as long as him, just since James. Fuck, will I need to tell him about James? Don't know if I can but I think I'll need to. What has he been through that was so bad he's had to shut down for that long? I need him to tell me but I don't know if it's even safe to ask. Hell, but I need to know.

"Why, Edward? Why did you need to be like that? I know how hard it is to talk about the bad stuff but we have to try. If we're going to be together. Are we together? We haven't even talked about that."

He sighs and looks away, out the windows. I have to strain to hear him, his voice is so quiet. "I want us to be together, Bella. I'm yours and I want you to be mine. It's all I want. But…"

And I'm singing inside, mine, he's mine, he said he's mine! I can't hold back, I have to hold him so I scoot over and wriggle into his lap so I'm straddling him, making him look at me as I stroke his face. No buts.

"Edward, I want you too, so much. Whatever this is we have to talk about it. I've been through some bad shit as well, back in Phoenix and I don't know if I can deal with it either but we have to try. But don't shut down with me, don't shut me out. Please."

He runs his finger down my face and around my lips, his face a mask of sadness. "Can't promise never to shut you out, Bella. It's so hard to talk about. I'm afraid that you won't want me if you know…"

He swallows and shuts his eyes and oh crap he's close to crying again, tears dampening his closed lashes. I'm frantic with the need to take away the pain, to make him better. His pain physically hurts me and I can't stand it. I pull his face to my chest and hold him to my breasts, stroking his back and running my fingers through his hair. His arms go around me slowly, then he holds me tightly, taking long shuddering breaths. After some time, he raises his face blindly and presses his cheek to mine, then traces his nose down my nose and up the other side and presses his lips to my eyelids. I kiss his damp cheek and then our mouths are on each other in a deep desperate kiss, full of longing and want.

Gasping for breath, I pull back and stroke the side of his face as he leans into my hand. Finally he opens his eyes and looks at me. So many feelings struggling there: sadness and hope and hunger and fear.

"I'll always want you Edward, no matter what happened. It doesn't have to be now, but sometime we need to talk about it all. Both of us. Whatever you think you've done, it won't matter."

He half smiles, but his eyes are sad as he gazes at me.

"How can you know it won't matter," he whispers. "How can you know I'm not the bad guy."

"Whatever I went through in Phoenix, whatever I did, when I manage to tell you will it matter to you, will it make you dump me?"

"Of course not, Bella, but that's different."

"No, it's the same."

I need to get through to him somehow so I sit back and a little and pull off my T-shirt then undo my bra. My nipples harden in the cooler air. "Trust me, Edward. Love me."

His face goes soft and he holds me around the waist and leans in to kiss my neck, nuzzling beneath my ear so that I arch forward as he licks a trail down to my collar bone then the base of my throat. And then his hands and mouth are all over my breasts as he makes little throaty whimpers.

Well damn, I had to cheer him up but I've done it again and thrust my chest at him just like last Friday. Man, I'm as useless at this talking thing as he is. Now he's got a mouthful of tit and his brain's gone to Jesus.

My brain's running a close second as he flicks my nipples with his tongue. And his hand's between my legs, pushing up my skirt as he slides those fingers inside me again.

We really must talk though…sometime…later…oh Edward… ohhhhh…

Chapter Text

Bella

His hands are tangled in my hair as I kneel between his spread legs and look up at him over his cock. I tease him a little, popping him out of my mouth and licking the head tantalisingly a few times, then I home in on that spot just underneath. He bucks convulsively and his hands tighten on me as he whimpers, staring down at me heavy-lidded, panting.

Taking pity I suck him deeply in again, all the way in as he arches back, pushing his hips forward into my mouth, pulling me onto him with his hands. His head's fallen back on the couch and his eyes are shut as he shudders and he's beyond speech, moaning and grunting as he moves. I let his hands set the pace and as he speeds up I reach between his legs into the nest of coiled russet hair there and caress his balls, knowing he's close.

It tips him over the edge and his face is intense, ecstatic, almost in pain as his mouth opens and his head thrashes from side to side. His hips thrust forward then he tenses, his abdominals sharply defined as he spills into my mouth. His hands fall away and he shivers, pumping a few last times as I swallow and suck. Fuck, I love his taste. James tasted bitter, it used to make me almost gag, especially when he forced himself…No this is Edward, Edward, not James. Edward tastes of salt and musk, he tastes of sex itself. His hands are gentling my hair now, stroking me as he catches his breath.

I open my eyes, breathing heavily in my single bed as I press my legs together, tingling and hot from memories of being with Edward in his room yesterday evening. Afterwards he held me on his lap for ages, rocking me in his arms and kissing me softly.

It was much better than the first time in the dark broom cupboard. God, I love seeing him come, seeing how much pleasure I can give him. I want to do it again, and I want to feel his fingers slip inside me and find that place that makes me all desperate and needy.

My fingers are a very poor second to his but they'll have to do, now I'm so turned on. I stroke my swollen clit, remembering Edward's thumb sliding over me as his long fingers curled and thrust, and I come, moaning into a mouthful of quilt so Charlie won't hear in the quiet early morning.

_______________________________________

I make scrambled eggs and bacon for Charlie and myself then he heads off to the station and I do some laundry that's well overdue as I haven't been home after school so much lately thanks to Edward. Charlie knows I'm off to see Jake in La Push and he's happy - he likes Jake. Who doesn't?

Leaning on the juddering machine, waiting for the wash cycle to finish, I think about what I'm doing. Why am I off to hang out with Jake when it's getting so intense with Edward? I guess that's why. It's been such a whirlwind these last two weeks and I'm exhausted, worn out by Edward's mood shifts and by the feelings that flood me when I'm with him.

I just need Jake's cheerfulness and to be with someone less angst-ridden and complicated. I need a friend and I don't have anyone else in Forks yet to fill that role. Alice maybe, at some stage, but she's Edward's sister so that's kind of awkward.

Jake's always been my friend. I feel secure with him and I need him as an antidote to this stuff with Edward. I feel so much with Edward, but safe definitely isn't part of the mix. Longing, lust, fear. Maybe even love if that's possible after so short a time. But no, not safe.

I'm pushing the last sheets into the dryer as my cell rings on the kitchen table.

"Bella, it's me." Edward.

A shiver of excitement runs down my spine. "Hello, Edward." Damn, I've gone husky. Try not to drool into the handset.

"What are you up to?"

"Just laundry, chores, you know. Charlie's gone in to the station."

"Are you free today?"

Fuck, tricky. Why do I feel guilty? It's just Jake, he's just a friend. But I find I can't tell Edward about the plans with Jake. He'd probably over-react, he does that.

"Tomorrow's better - there are things I need to do today. Sorry."

"OK. I'll miss you."

Damn, he sounds almost wistful and I feel like a shit.

Edward regroups. "What about tomorrow then - shall we do something? The weather's supposed to stay fine, we could have a picnic."

"You're optimistic. But yes, anything'd be great, a picnic or just hanging out, whatever you like." I'm gushing slightly, trying to make up for letting him down today.

"What say I pick you up in the afternoon, at one o'clock - OK?"

"That's great. I'll bring some food in case it is picnic weather, though I have to say I'm dubious."

"No, it's my treat, don't slave away in the kitchen. I'll sort the food."

"I love cooking. I'll bring something sweet, you do the rest."

"Alright, but the only sweet thing I want on my lips is…you Bella."

Whispering the last part all sultry and rough and I'm tingling and clenching just hearing his voice.

"Fuck, Edward, don't get me going again. I woke up so hot for you after last night."

"Did you now? And how did you …handle… that?"

"I'm sure you can imagine."

"Help me…help me imagine…Bella…"

Jesus, the way he says my name, his voice dark and breathy. I can't help it, I let a moan slip out and I hear him inhale.

"I had to…do what you do to me. Touch myself. God, Edward I feel so, so dirty, saying this to you on the phone, in the kitchen."

"Yeah, feel dirty, feel dirty about it, feel like it's wrong. I love that I can make you all hot and fucked up, Bella. Fuck, you're so sweet and sexy and you just drive me crazy. I want to love you and fuck you and get you all hot and dirty."

He's almost growling now, his voice is hoarse and I'm so wet, fuck I'm wet.

"Touch yourself now for me, Bella, oh please. I need to hear you come, I can't wait til tomorrow. Tell me what you're doing."

"Edward…" It comes out as a whimper. "I'm sliding my hand under the waistband of my sweats, down my stomach and between my legs." And I am, and fuck it feels good.

I hear him panting harshly on the other end of the phone, and he groans. "Fuck yeah…unnnh Bella…more…"

"I'm wet, Edward, I'm so wet and hot. I slip my finger in there and find my clit and I'm stroking my clit Edward but you do it better. You make me come so hard, I love your fingers inside me, making me come…"

"Bella!" He sobs my name then I hear him grunt harshly as he comes. I let my own orgasm take me, moaning and shuddering as I lean against the bench, my hand frantic between my legs.

Then we're both silent except for the heavy breathing, until I can't take it any more and I start to giggle. I hear him laughing as well, and we're snorting and cracking up like a couple of fools.

"Feel dirty, feel dirty about it, feel like it's wrong? Jeez, Edward, you sure know how to sweet-talk a girl."

"Er, yeah. I'm not quite sure where that came from. You just turn me into a goddam Neanderthal, Bella. I want to drag you off by the hair and fuck you senseless. But I promise to feed you first, tomorrow."

"Well, that's alright then. One o'clock you say?"

"Yeah. I'll see you then. And Bella? Wear a skirt..." I hear a grin in his voice and he makes a kissing sound then the phone clicks off.

Fucking hell. Dirty talking phone sex with Edward in the kitchen on a sunlit Saturday morning. Feeling more than slightly crazed, I finish the laundry then head upstairs and dress warmly so as to drive out to Jake's.

Make me feel normal, Jake, bring me back to earth again.

_______________________________________

Jake

She clambers down from the truck and her legs and her ass in those tight jeans, Jeez she's hot. Calm down, Jake, don't get all grabby and fresh, just be nice.

"Bells, great to see you." I steal a kiss to her cheek, surely an old friend's allowed that much? She doesn't seem to mind, putting her hand on my arm and grinning up at me.

"Hey, Jake. Great day for a ride."

She's so innocent, looking happily around at my bike and the beach, sun glinting off the water. Riding. Riding Bella. Shit. Thank Christ she'll be behind me on Sophie, cos I'm gonna have some issues in the groin area with her sitting there so close.

We go inside and Bella chats with Billy while I put a few last things into Sophie's saddle bags.

She's wearing jeans and boots which is OK, but her jacket's not gonna to be warm enough so I get her one of my old leather ones. It's comically large on her but it'll protect her better. I strap on my helmet and adjust hers, and we say so long to Billy.

I give Bells a few tips on riding pillion like leaning into the corners not away. Had a chick once leant the wrong way and we nearly wiped out. I mount Sophie and brace her with my legs, preparing for Bella's weight as she clambers on - not that there's much, she's so slender. There's no grab-bar on Sophie so she has to hold on round my chest. It feels good, especially at first as she clutches me hard and I feel her so warm against me, her knees gripping tight around my lower ribs where she's just up behind me on the pillion seat.

We ride back through Forks and I'm proud that I've got Bella on my bike, even though she's probably unrecognisable under the jacket and helmet. Then I take us south on 101 until we hit the Hoh River where the road runs west to the coast. I pull over at Ruby Beach so we can take a short break and look at the sea. We leave the helmets with Sophie and walk down the stones for a way, stretching our legs and sharing a soda.

"So how're you settling in at Forks High, Bells?"

"OK I guess. It was hard at first, well it still is really. I'm pretty shy with new people and I don't have much in common with most of them. Some of the guys were hitting on me, which I hate. I don't know why, I never got that sort of attention in Phoenix."

"Huh? Those Phoenix dudes must have been blind not to notice you." Oops. I blush a little and study a piece of driftwood intently, hoping she won't notice.

She gives me a sideways look and grins a little. "Come on Jake, I'm nothing special. It's just that there's nothing to do here and they're bored, that's all."

She doesn't have any idea how hot she is - it's partly why she's so damn irresistible. "So haven't you met anyone you can get along with yet?"

"Yeah. I did meet some kids there that are a bit more interesting. The doctor's kids, Alice and Edward Cullen. And Alice's boyfriend Jasper, he's OK as well."

Edward. Fuck me, she knows Edward. Shouldn't be so surprised of course, it's a small place. I'd just forgotten they'd be there in school together. Edward's kind of in a separate compartment in my mind, since Seattle.

I try to be all casual. "The Cullens, huh? What'd you think of them?"

"Oh, do you know them?" She's curious herself now. Damn, how to handle this?

"I know Edward a little." In the Biblical sense, and I know how to make him moan my name. "We met at a concert in Seattle. Eagles of Death Metal."

"Oh you got to see them live? I love their stuff, and they don't take it too seriously."

Whew, deflected her off Edward. "Yeah, it was a fun concert." And the aftermath was even more enjoyable. But damn, she's back on it again.

"So, Edward. What did you think of him?"

She's trying for super-casual too but I can hear the curiosity leaking through.

"He seems…kind of intense. Interesting though. I don't know him all that well." Just his body, and that he likes to be held and stroked like a cat. "What's your take on him?"

She seems thrown by my question and pauses, biting her lip. "Um, yes, he is intense. He seems…I don't know…troubled sometimes. I gather he has something of a reputation locally."

"I heard that too."

Bella shakes out her hair, trying to hide behind it. I know that trick, she's done it for years. She shoots me a quick glance around the hair. Hmmm. Very interested in Edward. Fuck, is she crushing on him?

"What did you hear?" She's trying for casual but not managing it.

"That he's been fairly…active…locally. And that he swings both ways." Getting into dangerous turf there. Careful, Jake.

"Did he grow up here? I don't remember him, but I never really got to know the local kids except you, Jake, with just the summer holiday trips."

"He's not from here but I think he and Alice have been here a while, since grade school days. I heard Dr Cullen married their mother years ago. They were from L.A. I think."

"Oh, so Dr Cullen's their stepfather?"

"Yeah, I guess. I think he adopted the kids. But that's all I know, from the local talk. It's all old news now."

Thank Christ she drops it and we wander back to Sophie and take off again. I take us south then inland at the Queets River to Lake Quinault, on the Quinault rez. There's a nice picnic spot at July Creek on the lake's north shore, and at this time of year we've got it to ourselves.

We stick to safer topics as we chat over the cold pizza and fruit that I packed, and pop open more sodas.

"So how was Phoenix these last few years since I saw you?"

"Hot. Dry. Cactusy."

She's blowing me off, but I want to know what she meant when we met at the barbecue.

"Uh-huh. You said the other day that some shit happened there. Are you OK now?"

She hides behind the hair again, then seems to make a decision and pushes it back. We're sitting at a picnic bench and she traces the wood grain with her finger.

"I got into a bad relationship with a guy. He was…abusive. He got into drugs, the meth was the worst, and smoking weed as well. He got…out of control and hurt me." Her voice is soft and she looks down, not meeting my eyes. "I had some therapy there, but no, I'm not really over it yet."

I want to kill him, this prick that hurt my Bella. But I can't show her the rage, it might frighten her. I take her hand and hold it in mine. "Bells, I'm so sorry. It sucks that you had to go through that. Did he beat on you?"

She looks away but she doesn't take her hand from mine. "Yeah. And…you know, other kinds of abuse." Almost whispering now. That motherfucker, I'll rip his fucking arms off. I take some deep breaths to calm down.

"Bella, look at me baby." I tilt her head up. Tears are sliding down her cheeks. "Whatever he did it was his own sick shit. There's no way you were responsible. You gotta believe in yourself, Bells. You can get over this."

She sniffs and brushes clumsily at her face with her free hand. I pull her towards me and kiss the top of her head, then find some napkins in the saddle bag for her to blow her nose.

"But I am responsible for some of it Jake. I'm not a kid. I got sucked into James' bullshit and I did stuff, stupid things. I drank and smoked weed with him and I let him do things to me…"

Her face is in her hands. I sit beside her on the bench and pull her against me, hugging her fiercely and stroking her hair.

"Come on Bells, you're a teenager, we all drink and most of us smoke some weed, hell, I do. Don't beat yourself up about that. I guarantee the bad shit was all down to this James cocksucker, not you."

She winces when I call him a cocksucker but I let it go. "What happened to him Bells, where is he now?" So I can find him and fucking end the asshole.

"He's doing five years. He robbed a liquor store."

Lucky for him he's not out and about, I think coldly. Forget him and look after Bella. "Thanks for telling me babe. You know I care a lot about you, don't you? I wanna help you get over this - you're special to me."

"Jake, thanks, but I can't, I'm not ready…"

"Nah, it's OK. Just as a special friend I guess." I'd like to be more, but hell, she's hurting and I can't push it. "Come on, lets take a walk. A bit further back there's a trail to a giant cedar, it's not too far."

We find the path and walk in. It's quiet in the forest and church-like, with sun slanting down as though from high windows and resiny smells. Peaceful and no-one else there, not this time of year. Bella relaxes though she does trip on roots a few times, I forgot how clumsy she can be. I joke with her a bit to lighten the mood, and we play chase around the base of the tree, then she disappears. The trunk's hollow and I find her hiding in there, teasing me.

She tries to dash past and escape but I grab her playfully, swinging her around. We left our bike jackets with Sophie and she's so warm and soft in my arms. Damn she feels good and I just can't help myself, I pull her against me and put one hand in her hair and I'm kissing her, my lips hot on hers. Fuck, I want her and I put all that longing into the kiss and feel her respond. Her mouth opens and she melts against me and I hold her face in both my hands and kiss her sweet mouth, tongue and all, and man, I'm lost, I'm a goner.

Finally she pulls away and just holds me, her face against my chest as I stroke her hair and her back. Every fiber of me longs to make love to her but I force myself to behave.

"Jake I…I'm sorry, I didn't mean for that to…I can't just now. There's too much going on and it's too confusing. I shouldn't have given you the wrong impression."

I sigh. Yeah, I figured. "It's OK, Bells. I just want what's best for you. I wanna be special for you but I can wait. I can just be your friend for now."

"A friend's what I need most at the moment, Jake, so thanks."

So we return to Sophie and I take us back along the coast and up 101 then out to La Push as the sun gets orange and the shadows lengthen. We stand by her old beat-up truck and she thanks me for the day. I brush my hand down her cheek bone and she smiles and leans into it a little, and puts her hand on mine. Then she climbs into the truck and she's gone in a rattle and a puff of blue smoke.

Bella. I go and sit on my favorite log at the beach and think about that kiss. When twilight falls I go inside. Billy can tell something's up but he doesn't quiz me, he's good like that.

Billy and I have the rest of the pizza, then I remember I promised Edward I'd meet him later on. Man, this is getting kind of busy, but I do want to see him. I'm feeling all mixed up and excited from that kiss with Bella, and Edward's so damn hot as well.

I take a shower and my head's full of how Bella tasted, her strawberry, flowery smell and her hot mouth. I'm rock hard thinking about her so I start to beat off, feeling a little guilty as I mentally undress her and run my hands over those soft breasts I felt pressed against me in that hollow tree. It almost feels like I'm abusing her after what she told me, so I think about Edward instead and then I see him fucking Bella, his sweet ass pumping as he buries his cock in her and I'm there too, taking him while he's deep inside her and she's looking up into my eyes and whimpering both our names and man it's so hot and I'm coming so goddam hard I fall to my knees on the tiles. Ouch.

Jeez, that was so fucking wrong. And so fucking hot. It's OK if I keep it as a fantasy though isn't it? Yeah, I'll just lock it away inside my head and keep it to play with. My little secret.

_______________________________________

I slip out after Billy goes to sleep. He's used to my comings and goings and doesn't hassle me.

Sophie rumbles along the quiet roads as I locate the turn-off I sussed out when it was light on Thursday. I take her down real slow so she's purring quietly and ride her to what I judge is about half-way in, then wheel her into the ferns and cover her with the tarp I keep in the saddle bag.

Then I lope quietly along, skirting the trees, almost invisible in my dark leathers.

I'm a wolf in the night, hunting my prey, closing in.

Chapter Text

Edward

Frustrating fucking day. I wake up hard as a hammer after dreams of Bella attached to my dick like a luscious lipped suction pump. So I stagger into the shower and beat off furiously then sweat and angst like a thirteen year old girl about whether to call her. No, not whether, no way I'm going to be able to play hard to get. When. Just a matter of how soon I can hear her voice while retaining a shred of self-respect.

I hold out til ten o'clock, addict that I am. She answers the phone all husky and I'm instantly fucking hard again. And then she can't see me til Sunday. To quote Kevin Kline from A Fish Called Wanda, "disapPOINTed!"

Ah shit, who am I kidding, Kev was playing a psychopath and I'm not pissed, just completely fucking pussy-whipped. When she said she had other things to do the bottom fell out of my world and I whimpered some weak shit about missing her. God I'm pathetic, and terrified by how much I need her. Obviously more than she needs me, but I guess I have to live with that and take what I can get. It's like the fall of the Edward fucking Cullen Roman Empire. I'm in ruins when I can't see her.

So I set up a Sunday picnic trying not to seem too damn desperate, but I can't help flirting with her and then she says she woke up hot for me. Bye-bye brain, my dick was doing the talking from then on and very dirty it was too. But fuck it turned me on hearing her whispering about my fingers inside her making her all hot and wet; I was on my knees with my cock in my hand just coming like a freight train in record time. Thank you Alexander Graham Bell. And iPhone.

Then there's nothing but empty Bella-free hours to endure until Sunday. I'm mooching around trying to write music or finish some schoolwork but I can't stick to anything. God Jesus why didn't I make it a fucking breakfast date. I want to have her for breakfast, remembering tasting her in the janitor's closet last week. I so need to rip off those panties then spread her wide and just bury my face in her sweet juicy folds. Oh man I'm so hard again, I feel like one of those carved wooden souvenir figures with the huge penis bobbing on a spring out in front.

Sunday, Sunday, hang on til then, just another thirteen hours forty minutes but who's counting? Hah.

I'm never going to get to sleep feeling like this and with my cock still hard despite beating off four times today. I try to read The Raw Shark Texts which is fucking brilliant but I can't do it justice in my current state. So I'm lying on my bed in just an old Queen T-shirt and my hand's back there on my dick, teasing myself gently with my eyes closed and imagining it's Bella's small hand touching me instead.

Then I hear the door scrape open and I'm caught, my hand on my goddam junk, heart pounding. But it's the door to the balcony behind the thick gold drapes. I never lock it - why lock a door three stories up in the tree canopy on the outskirts of Forks? It's not exactly the crime capital of the USA. Oh man, I'm paying for that now. Home invasion fantasies from the CI channel flash through my mind then he steps through the curtains, huge and scary and all in black.

Fucking Jake. I'm too stunned to move, just lying there helpless with my hand on my dick and my mouth open. He runs his dark eyes over me, smirking, and his nostrils dilate.

"Edward. I see you're getting in the mood already."

"Jake? What… how…?"

"Figured I'd surprise you Eds. Balcony like you described to me on the phone the other night was bound to have a fire escape." He unzips his jacket and dumps it on the floor beside the bed, nodding at the door to the landing. "That locked?"

I nod. This time of night we won't be bothered. I grin: Jake, my savior, I forgot he said he'd hook up with me tonight. Fuck I'm obsessed with Bella to have overlooked that, not good, not good at all.

I lie back against the pillows, putting my hands behind my head so the T-shirt rides up and he gets a good look at me all hard and inviting. His eyes are riveted and he's breathing fast - and not just from climbing the fire escape stairs. The boots and leather trousers are on the floor by now and he pulls a plain white T-shirt off over his head and stands before me gloriously naked and so fucking ready.

"Missed you Eds." His eyes are black with lust as he kneels over my hips on the bed and his hands slide up under my T-shirt, cool on my skin and I shudder as he takes my nipples and rolls them in his fingers, breathing heavily as he stares at me. His dick's huge and hard and mine twitches longingly right beside it as he sits back on me and we cross swords.

"Jake…oh sweet fuck…"

He's taken both our cocks now, one in each hand, and he's stroking us both at the same time, staring into my eyes all the while. He bites his lower lip as he slides his thumbs over the heads of our cocks and I groan and my arms come down, hands fisting the covers. My hips are trying to buck underneath him but his weight pins me to the bed. He's jerking us off as he stares at me, panting, faster now, faster as I whimper and writhe and my legs tremble under him. His eyes are half-closed, hips thrusting rapidly as his hands pump us and I'm cursing and moaning his name as I arch up and spill into his hand while Jake grunts and shoots jizz all over Freddie Mercury. Not that Freddie would have minded.

We curl up under the covers together after a quick Freddie-assisted wipe down, and I'm finally pleasantly drowsy, my head on Jake's chest and my right arm and leg draped across him. His arm's around me and he's ruffling my hair, massaging my head and the nape of my neck and stroking his hand down my back and then up again. I damn near purr with pleasure and I kiss his chest and blow air on the nipple by my mouth, tracing circles around his left nipple with my finger.

"So, you know Bella Swan?" Jake says out of left field, his hand falling still.

What? Where'd that come from? "Ah…yes, a little. She's just started at school. She's in my Biology class. Why? Have you met her?"

"Yeah, I know her from way back. Her Dad and mine are old friends. We used to hang out when she came here for summer vacations. But she stopped coming here a few years ago so I haven't seen her since she was fourteen. Until last week I mean. She and Charlie came to a barbecue on the rez. She sure has grown."

My mind's working overtime, processing all this. "Hang out" - what does that mean?

"Right, I imagine she has…grown." I try for nonchalance but he can probably feel that I've tensed up slightly. Shit. His hand starts stroking me again and I try to relax. "So…what, did she mention me or something?" Fuck - what did she tell him?

"Mmmm. She's been asking me about you - she seemed kind of curious."

I can't take this lying down any more. I prop myself up on my left arm so I can see his face. He's looking carefully neutral, but there's a faint hint of mischief in his eyes as he smiles at me.

"What was she asking?" Oh very smooth Edward, could you sound any more needy and obvious?

"Oh just general stuff about how long you'd lived in Forks, your family."

"Yeah? That's all?" I narrow my eyes at him - he's holding something back.

"And she asked about your rep locally."

"My rep?" I roll on top of Jake, royally pissed as I glare at him. He's smirking like a bastard so I grab his wrists and lean on them, pressing his hands onto the bed on either side of his shoulders as I straddle him. "What the fuck did you tell her?"

"Only what I've heard baby. That you've put it about a bit. And that you like…variety."

"Fuck Jake, thanks for nothing." I scowl at him but why am I so irritated? She hit me with that stuff the first day we met, and it's not as though it's untrue. Maybe it's harder to hear the gossip from Jake as well, and to know Bella heard it from someone other than that bitch Stanley.

"Nothing she didn't already know about anyway Eds. But why are you getting your panties in a bunch about it? Huh? You two-timing me with the lovely Bella?"

I try hard for a poker face but something must have given me away because suddenly our positions are reversed and he's looming over me, holding me down.

"Fuck Edward, you are. What the fuck's going on? Are you hitting on her - she said some guys at school were hassling her. Tell me you bastard!"

He's angry but there's something else I can't quite grasp. He's…excited? What's that about?

"Shit Jake it just sort of happened around the same time I met you. We got friendly at school and we just …fuck I don't know, there's this weird chemistry between us. I can't stop thinking about her. I've never felt this way before. It doesn't mean I don't have feelings for you. It's just different…" I trail off uselessly. Very articulate Edward, that'll pacify him.

He sits up and wraps his arms about himself protectively, staring at me expressionlessly. "So how many others are you fucking at the moment apart from me and Bella, Edward?"

"No-one else. Fuck Jake, I'm not a complete whore, no matter what you've heard. And I don't know why it's happened like this, why I had to meet both of you at the same time. It's different with you…and with Bella. I do fucking care about you both. That never happened before."

He looks at me intently, frowning. I decide to defend by attacking.

"Anyway, what's your interest and what did you mean about "hanging out" with her in the past? What's she to you?"

"She's my friend." He stares me down.

"Yeah? That's all? Cos you seem pretty intense about all this for just a friend."

His expression shifts slightly and for a second I see something else. Pain? Need?

"Fuck Jake, you want her too don't you? You want to be more than a friend."

We stare at each other, our guards down for a moment, both looking kind of desperate. Jake turns away and sits on the side of the bed, looking at the floor, his head in his hands.

I get up and pace about, running my hands through my hair, making it stand on end. "Man this is fucked up."

Jake's voice through his fingers is slightly muffled. "I've had the hots for her for years. Tried to kiss her the last time she was here - that was a fucking disaster. But Jeez she's gorgeous now and I just fell for her all over again at that barbecue."

"So is that the only time you've seen her since she got back?" I'm leaning against the wall, arms folded.

"No." He's almost whispering and I have to strain to hear him. "I took her out on Sophie today, riding. Just an outing, you know."

"And?" I can tell there's more.

"And nothing much. We kissed. I wanted more, sure, but she said it was…complicated. I guess you're one of the complications…"

"One of them? What the fuck does that mean?" I'm pacing again, I can't keep still.

"No, she's not seeing anyone else. It's just…look, has she told you anything about what happened in Phoenix? Why she came here?"

"She said bad shit happened there but she hasn't told me the details yet. Did she talk to you?" I don't know what to think or feel, I'm a mess. Relieved she didn't let him do any more than just kiss her, pissed that she went out with him at all, jealous that she's told him more about her past than she's told me so far. Weirdly, I'm not jealous that Jake wants Bella as well as me. The way I feel about him's different, it's not possessive like it is with Bella.

"Yeah, a bit, but remember I've known her for years as a friend. That's mostly how she sees me, fuck it." He sounds frustrated. "No matter how I'd like her to see me."

"Tell me what she said. What happened?"

"I'm not sure if I should…it's her story to tell really."

"Fuck Jake, just spill. This shit is messy enough as it is without more goddam secrets."

So he tells me about this creep James and I almost lose it, especially when he tells me she said that it was more than physical abuse. Which is bad enough, but what - sexual abuse? Rape? I can't stand it and I punch the wall and bruise my hand. That fucking bastard. Jake comes and stands behind me as I'm banging my head against the wall. He puts his arms around me and stops me, pulling me to him and stroking my hair. Tears of rage are in my eyes and he kisses my neck and gentles me against him making soothing noises and saying I know, I know, I feel the same until my breathing quiets. Bella, my Bella. No fucking bastard hurts my girl. I feel murderous but Jake tells me the asshole's away doing time for armed robbery.

Finally I do calm down but I know I won't sleep with all this shit buzzing round in my brain. I locate the JD from inside one of my boots in the wardrobe and take a drink from the bottle then pass it to Jake while I get my stash out. He takes a drink and watches as I sit at my desk, rolling a joint.

"Put your clothes on, it's cold outside." He pulls on his leathers and boots again and I get into jeans and a thick sweater, and sneakers. We lean on the balcony railing side by side and smoke the joint, taking another couple of pulls at the bottle of Jack. We don't talk but it's OK, companionable.

I flick the butt away into the trees and take his hand, pulling him inside. Fuck it's cold out there tonight, thank Christ for central heating. The room's warm but I'm still shivering, maybe in reaction to everything that's happened. Jake comes and holds me again, massaging my neck until my eyes close and I sigh and nestle against him, letting the dope and the whiskey narrow my focus to the warm room, his body against me, the smell of his leathers.

We undress again and I turn off all but the beside lamp and pull him into bed, spooning against him, still needing to be comforted and making sure he's the big spoon - I'm not keen to be staring at that goddam wolf tattoo right now. Jake slides his hand down my chest, then down my stomach, and I shudder and stretch out against him, sliding my legs between his. He runs his hand down my thigh, then trails his fingers up the inside, making me gasp and press back. I feel his cock stiffen against my butt, feel it press against the curve of my ass and I move against him as he hisses and cups my balls, then takes my now hard cock in his hand, pumping me a few times and rubbing his thumb across the head.

Before I'm too far gone I lean across and open the nightstand drawer, finding a condom and some lube and putting them beside the pillow. I lie on my back and Jake straddles me as I reach up with both hands and stroke his belly, running my fingers over his beautiful abs and across his waist then down to his groin as he shuts his eyes and writhes a little under my touch.

I stroke his cock lightly, teasing him, then grab his hips and pull him up towards me. He looks down dreamily then understands, moving to kneel over my face so I can reach him. I hold his cock in both my hands like a kid with an ice cream and lick the head, caressing it with my tongue then flicking the sensitive part underneath to make him groan and shudder. He's kneeling across my chest, his hands gripping the iron bedstead behind me as he moves gently in my hands and mouth with his head tipped back a little, looking down at me heavy-lidded. His long dark hair falls around his shoulders and I look up over his cock and suck him in as deeply as I can. His eyes shut and he moans, his head falling back as he arches into my mouth. I rub my thumb up the underside of his cock and pump him with my hands as I suck him in and out. He moans fuck Edward…fuck and moves more urgently. Then he puts his hands on mine and stills me, whispering not yet. He kneels up and reaches across, ripping the foil package and rolling on the condom.

He slides down onto me, taking me into his arms and tangling his legs with mine as he opens my mouth and kisses me long and hard, pushing his tongue in and caressing mine hungrily until we're both gasping. He licks and bites my neck as I press my cock against his and grab his ass, then he's kissing my chest and sucking on my nipples, running his tongue around them and biting them gently while his long silky hair brushes across my chest.

He spreads my legs and I help, bending them up and pressing them apart, then I feel his finger, slick with lube, slide into my ass and I moan loudly, pressing my mouth against his shoulder to muffle the sound. He slides another finger in and I buck on his hand, groaning. The dope and JD work in me and soon I'm loose, my muscles relaxing and my legs falling open as I move on his fingers. I feel his cock press against me now as he holds it in his hand and runs the slick lubed head up and down my perineum, driving me insane. Fuck I want him and I lift my ass, begging him to take me. He presses into me just a little, then pulls back, then further in as I whimper and push up against him, wanting more, wanting him inside me. I feel the familiar stretching pain-pleasure as he slides further into me and my head's back, eyes shut, my hands on his waist as I make myself relax. He moves in me gently and soon there's no pain and Jesus it feels so fucking good as he pumps in and out with slow deep thrusts, both of us lost in the hot tight pleasure.

Look at me Edward he whispers as I moan and wrap my legs around him, my heels pressing into his ass as we move together, eyes locked. My cock's pressed tight between our bellies slick with sweat and the friction from all sides drives me wild. His other hand's under my ass, pulling me hard against him as he fucks me faster and deeper. All the sensations from his cock inside me and mine between us push me over the edge and I cling to him, shaking and crying out into his neck as I melt and burn, the pleasure welling up and spilling between us. He's gasping now and moving more erratically then he puts his head back and stiffens, gripping me tightly, his eyes closed and mouth open, shuddering as he comes.

__________________________________

I set the alarm for six o'clock as I know no-one stirs on a Sunday morning in this house until eight at the earliest. Plus my fire escape's at the back close to the trees and Jake will be able to climb down without being seen.

He grumbles when it shrills, burying himself under the comforter and refusing to budge. I turn the damn thing off and burrow back in beside him. He's so warm and hard and his skin's all silky and I can't resist nuzzling his neck, kissing his jaw and licking down his throat to his collar bone then fastening my mouth on his nipples again as I reach down to cup his junk and squeeze.

He moans and his semi-hard cock stiffens in my hand. His hand comes up to hold my ass, as his other hand tangles in my hair where I'm fastened to his nipple.

"Edward…" he groans. "Edward we have to talk… oh fuck yeah…"

"More talk?" I whisper, my words muffled by his nipple in my mouth as he pushes his cock into my hand.

"Bella…and us…ah fuck that feels good…" His hand comes down to take my cock and stroke me and I growl and bite his nipple a little, making him gasp.

"Mine…Bella's mine." I growl into his chest, not liking this "us" stuff.

"What if…shit Edward…what if she was ours?"

"Ours?" I shake my head, worrying at his nipple until he grabs my head and stills me.

"Ow stop, you're hurting." He pulls me to his shoulder, his hand in my hair. We're still stroking each other, but gently now. "Look, we both care about her and want her, and this thing we've got going between the two of us is special too. What if we all…I mean all three of us…"

I push him down on the bed and stare at him angrily. "What? You want a fucking threesome with Bella? Jesus Jake that's…that's just…" Just what? Wrong, it has to be wrong. Doesn't it?

He shrugs, unrepentant. "Might be one way to salvage things with her. What's she gonna think when she finds out you're fucking both of us at once?"

Shit. My instincts are to lie like a rug and just not let her find out.

Jake eyes me knowingly. "Weren't planning on telling her that little detail huh? Come on, you said it yourself - this shit is messy enough without more goddam secrets. She's gonna find out at some point."

I stare at him, frowning, feeling desperate. Before Bella it wouldn't have been an issue, but it's all different now because I care about her.

"I don't know, look I don't know what to do Jake, OK? I'm crazy about her but I need you too. Ah shit, it's all fucked up. I fuck everything up." I roll off him and sit on the side of the bed, despondent.

Jake kneels behind me. He puts his arms around me and rests his head in the crook of my neck. He's warm and strong and God it feels good. How can I give this up? I think I love Bella but she makes me feel crazy and out of control. I need her too much and it scares me. Jake calms me down.

I sigh and arch my head to the side so he can kiss my neck. I can't figure it out so I give up and let him drag me back under the covers, hot and mindless as he makes it all go away. For now.

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Edward

I'm tired Monday, dragging myself through a shower, chewing mechanically on cereal and driving more slowly than usual over to collect Bella. I can feel my reactions are off.

I didn't sleep well last night. I'd hoped after the day with Bella that maybe I would, but my fucking brain would not shut down.

I so nearly trashed everything again when it was just damn perfect. The meadow's my favorite place to come and lie about and think. I've never taken a girl there before but it felt right, being there with her.

And she was so sweet and funny, all huffy about walking no distance at all, and in those boots and the skirt, I was battling from the moment she opened her door not to throw her down and just plunge into her. But she schooled me with that asswipe preacher moaning on about abstinence on the radio and got me to cool it, which was just as well because I was getting very damn out of control.

Then she had to raise goddam Jake. Man, I panicked, I was sure she must know we were seeing each other - why else would she be asking me about him? And I couldn't help but push her to see if she'd be honest with me and tell me she'd seen him Saturday, and kissed him. She didn't of course so that kind of got me pissed, but mostly my brain was just grinding on and on about should I tell her. About me. And Jake. That we were fucking.

I didn't of course. Too chickenshit, too afraid she'd be grossed out and furious and that would be that. And then I'd drown in all the crap that's trying to suck me down like quicksand. So I shut down and did what I always do - tried to escape from the fact that I was lying to her and fucking both of them by getting stoned. Even on a perfect afternoon with my girl, I wasn't brave enough to leave the weed alone.

I didn't really want her to get stoned as well, not at first. Just wanted to be a shit and hate myself and make her hate me too, like she should. I'm fucking bad news, she should steer well clear. But she joined me, and the buzz and the sun on her skin…I just couldn't keep the moody shit going, I had to touch her.

So good, loving Bella. Her skin was soft and warm from the sun and she smelled so fantastic it made me moan and just bury my nose in her, licking her sweet round ass cheeks and ah fuck the taste of her cunt and to have her moving on my face, coming in my mouth. I was ecstatic, just burning all over and my cock was so hard, so fucking hard.

Then she had a front-opening bra and I thought I was in heaven when her tits were in my mouth. Fuck do I love Bella's tits, I'm rock hard now just remembering how they felt and tasted. Damn, I have to calm down and stop perving about her, I'll be at her place in five minutes. I can't let myself dream about being inside her…oh God, how it felt when I thrust up inside her, I have to pull over and beat off or I'm going to jizz my pants. No, fuck no, get a fucking grip dickhead you can't beat off at the side of the road in fucking Forks. Not cool. Shit. Fuck.

OK, remember the bad stuff, that'll cockblock me for sure. Having to fess up to whoring around, although she doesn't seem bothered that I've been with guys. Would she handle the Jake thing? Yeah but I'm still fucking him. And her. That's not gonna go down well. No.

And the stuff she told me about that terminal asshole in Phoenix and what he did. Hardest thing I've ever done, holding her and just listening and looking after her. Because I wanted to lose it so bad, I wanted to smash things and tear branches off the trees and just fucking let rip. I wanted to kill him.

But she needed me to hold her and comfort her so I did. And afterwards she needed me to love her again so I showed her that it didn't matter, that whatever she'd been through didn't change how I felt. I showed her with my mouth and my hands and my cock inside her just loving her…and ah fuck I'm hard again. Jesus, I want her.

I want her and I'm so fucked. Because I have to tell her about Jake, and then what?

"Hey Bella, just thought I'd mention that while we've been having this really intense relationship with sex that literally makes me see God, I've also been screwing your old friend Jake."

Yeah, that's going to be such a fun chat.

So that's what's keeping me up at night, pacing, terrified. I mean she finally told me she kissed him, in the car when she was all loose and open from the dope and sharing and mindblowing sex. And then I have to say "he's definitely hot" which he is, but what's she going to make of that? Has she guessed?

So now I'm at her house, all fucked up and desperate. My cock's aching for her and my heart's beating out of my chest and my brain hurts. And it's Monday morning before school and this shit cannot go on, I'm not going to make it, I'll burst a blood vessel or something.

Then she opens the door and smiles at me and I just feel right. Something clicks into place and I stop spinning out. Nothing's solved but for now it's alright, for now I can cope.

Bella's with me and I'm home.

So I take her bag and hold her hand and we go to school.

Bella

I opened the door and he looked so lost and desperate. Drawn and tired, dark circles under his eyes like bruises. Then he smiled and some of the tension left his face. Still beautiful, how can he look so shattered and so beautiful all at once, his green eyes dark and haunted. Totally unfair.

How can I get him to talk to me? Something's eating at him, something that frightens me if it makes him look like that. Is it what he was hinting at earlier, this thing in his past that he feels so guilty about? But why is it so much worse today when he was mostly OK on Sunday?

Well, not entirely OK I guess, he did go weird on me when he shut off and pulled out the weed. It was after I asked about Jake, and I had to tell him in the end, in the car. I had to tell him I went out with Jake and kissed him. Is that it? He seemed to take it calmly at the time but maybe it's eaten away at him since. Ah crap, that must be it - he's jealous and he hates me because I went with Jake. But he doesn't seem angry with me - wouldn't he be angry? He seems to want to touch me and he's sticking to me like we're joined at the hip. I can't fucking figure him out.

We get through the day, quiet at lunchtime, just holding hands and he doesn't eat anything. And then after school he drives me home but when we get inside all he wants to do is just lie on my bed and hold me. I stroke his hair and he curls into me and goes to sleep for an hour. I have to wake him up in the end so I can make Charlie's dinner. So hard to wake him, I just want to hold him and keep him safe and let him sleep.

Tuesday at lunch and Alice is all aquiver. Their parents are off at some reunion in Portland for the weekend, away from Friday through until Monday. Emmett's in charge and they're planning a party.

"Saturday night, Bella, going to be such fun. Come and stay over, go on, I'll talk Charlie around. He doesn't need to know about the party, we'll call it a sleepover. Now, we need a theme."

"Please, Alice, not costumes. I hate costume parties."

I'm not mad keen on parties of any sort really. Noise and drunk groping guys and not knowing anyone. Trying to make inane shouted conversation or wandering from room to room desperate to find a corner to hide in. Stupid costumes are an extra irritation. And I don't dance. But it's at Edward's and he'll be there with me so of course I want to go.

I glance at Edward and his face is hard to read. There's a spark of something - excitement? Hope? But he's still preoccupied.

He leans in and whispers: "Sleepover with me Bella, please."

A shudder runs through me from his lips and hot breath on my ear.

"Yes OK, Alice, I'd love to come."

Edward chuckles into my neck and I elbow him. Coming? You will be… Smug bastard, I'll show him.

"Leather and Lace," Alice announces. "That's the theme. Leather and Lace. You have to wear one or the other."

Edward grins at me, batting his lashes. "You wear the leather Bella, I'll wear the lace."

"Edward!" Alice cuffs him. "OK, I'm off to spread the word. Partytime, yay!"

She bounces off, dragging an eye-rolling Jasper in tow.

Other than the minor excitement of the looming party and parent-free weekend, the week goes by quietly. Edward's still a bit brooding on Wednesday and he still just wants to hold me and kiss after school. I walk him down to the front door when Charlie's due back for dinner. We kiss on the step then he pushes my hair back behind my ear, pulling me to him to nuzzle my neck.

"Looking forward to the party?"

"Not really, Edward. I am looking forward to being with you though. To…sleeping over."

I grin at him and run my tongue around my lips suggestively.

He smirks and pulls me tighter against him. "Mmmm, me too. Hey, I was thinking, why don't you invite Jake? He'd probably enjoy the party don't you think?"

"Jake?" I'm surprised. I mean, I'd like to and yes, he loves parties and having a good time. But I thought Edward…maybe he's not jealous and it's something else he's been upset about? Huh.

"Well yes, if that's OK. He'd love to come."

Edward's eyes are mischievous - now what's he smirking about? "He'll have no problem with Alice's theme, anyway…"

"Yeah," I grin. "What with the bike." Jake must wear the leathers all the damn time, I guess Edward saw him in them at the concert in Seattle.

Edward presses his lips to mine again. "See you in the morning, Bella."

He seems less moody the rest of the week. Maybe he's looking forward to the party?

I call Jake and he's keen of course. We chat for a while and he makes me laugh with stories about Quil and Embry's dating dramas. So I'll see him Saturday. I clamshell my phone and sit there, wondering how that's going to go - Jake and me and Edward in the same place. It's beginning to dawn on me that it might be a little tricky. Surely they'll be civilised with each other? Edward suggested I invite Jake after all. Hmmm.

I still think we need to talk, or at least he needs to tell me what's eating him, but there's never a good moment. Maybe he's avoiding the issue, steering me away whenever he senses me gearing up to ask him. And I'm easily distracted around him with his lips in my hair and on my neck, his hands holding me close to him and stroking me.

By the time Saturday arrives I'm so worked up by his touches and kisses I feel like a volcano that's making the seismologists shake their heads and pore over tracings.

I take some time in the afternoon figuring out my outfit, for Alice's damn theme.

Lacy bra and boyshorts, check.
A tight white blouse with lace at the collar and cuffs, check. The buttons undone down to my cleavage of course.
My tan leather mini-skirt from Phoenix, check. It's shorter than I'm really comfortable with but hell, this is a party after all.
A wide black leather belt with studs for around my hips, check.
And my black leather boots to the knee, check.

Some dark gray eye shadow and strawberry lip gloss and I'm pleased with the end result. It's a lot edgier than I usually wear to school and I'm happy to bust out of the mold for a change. I smirk at myself in the mirror: this is going to bring Edward to his knees. Hopefully literally.

Alice asked me to head over to the Cullen residence about six o'clock to help her with the last arrangements, so I pile my overnight bag and my leather and laced-up self into the old rust-heap, trying not to rip my skirt to shreds on the edge of the damn door. Fucking truck's a death-trap.

I help Alice string some lights and set out snacks. Edward's out picking up even more lights and putting them up by the turn-off to the Cullen driveway. Alice can never get enough sparkly lights, it seems. He gets back while I'm in Alice's room helping her to dress, and knocks on the door, but we send him packing. Alice is stunning in a low-cut red lace top, skin-tight black leather pants and spike-heel boots.

Finally we emerge and head downstairs. Jasper and Edward are in the kitchen having a beer as we make our entrance. Both their jaws drop as we pose dramatically in the doorway.

I have to admit, the guys look pretty good themselves. Jazz is wearing black leather pants as well, and a thin leather tie loosely knotted over an old Judas Priest Hell Bent for Leather T-shirt. Nice one, Jazz.

Edward has his black skinny jeans on and a moss green button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled. He's got a black leather waistcoat on over the shirt which is open so that I can see his throat and a delicious glimpse of chest. His hair's mussed up as usual, and he's got the guyliner on again. As I walk across to him I realise that he hasn't worn it for a while. Mostly I don't miss it, but for special occasions, I have to admit it's hot.

He's leaning back against the counter smirking, his long legs spread out in front of him. I walk into the crook of his legs and he parks the beer, his hands coming down to my waist to pull me in closer.

"Damn, you're looking good Bella, I'm going to have my work cut out keeping all the horndog guys from hitting on you." He kisses my neck, careful not to mess up my lip-glossed mouth. Well trained by Alice no doubt.

I grab the edges of his waistcoat and pull him down to me, rubbing my nose along his jaw line.

"Looking pretty dazzling yourself, Cullen" I murmur, tilting my head back to look at his face, the clear green eyes, the strong planes and sweet mouth. "And I'm gonna have to fend off the guys and the girls both with you in that outfit."

His eyes widen, then he grins wickedly. "Dazzling, huh? Do I dazzle you, baby?"

"Frequently."

I run my fingers through his hair and he leans into it and shivers a little, his eyes closing. I want to drag him upstairs right now but no, we have to stay and socialise. Mentally calculating when I can reasonably kidnap him and lock us in his room, I take his hand and we wander off to meet and greet the guests as they arrive.

Edward

The party's well underway and Emmett's running the rap playlist I made for him, dancing hard with Rosalie who's in full dominatrix mode. The living room's full of mostly middle-class white kids grinding and sticking their booties out and doing bad attempts at jazz hands. Actually it's kind of amusing and I hear Bella give a soft snort beside me.

I pull her into my lap on the couch and she giggles and snuggles into my neck. She's a little tipsy from the whiskey sours that I made with some JD. They go down easy and pack quite a punch. I like how she feels with the whiskey on board - all soft and loose and wanting. Some of that's the effect of the whiskey on me as well, but I'm not drunk, I can soak it up better than she can. She's so small and I feel protective. I push my nose into her hair: smells so good.

Then Bella squeals and wriggles off my lap. What the fuck? Oh, it's Jake, Jake's arrived. He's in his bike leathers of course, the jacket open and a black wifebeater showing. Damn he's hot as he grins down at us, his head tilted to one side.

Bella flings herself at him for a hug. The drinks have made her pretty loose with Jake as well I guess and he makes the most of it, the bastard, wrapping her up in his big arms and kissing her neck. The fucker winks at me over her shoulder and I'm pissed but I'm excited too. I don't mind seeing her in Jake's arms as much as I should. I know what he's telling me with that wink, what he's reminding me about. My mouth goes dry and my breathing quickens.

When I told Bella to invite him I wasn't thinking about it - it just came out. Then I realised that some part of me wanted to get all three of us together to sort this mess out somehow. I couldn't simply tell Bella, couldn't sit her down and lay it all out for her then watch her freeze over and walk away disgusted with me. But maybe if something just happened?

Hell. I run my hands through my hair. This is fucking risky. Probably going to be a complete fucking disaster. I need a drink.

"Hey, Jake, good to see you again." I eye him meaningfully. Do not fuck this up, Jake, no touchie-feelies to freak her out. Not yet…I step forward and do the guy shoulder-punch thing. Casual, keep it light. Acquaintances, concert buddies, that's all.

Jake grins and gives me a small mocking salute. "Hey, Edward, ditto. How you been?"

"Pretty good, man - let's get you a drink, c'mon."

I put my arm around Bella's shoulders and steer Jake towards the kitchen, my other hand on his back. Is that too close? Do guys touch each other like that if they hardly know each other? I take my hand away. Shit. In the kitchen I get Jake a beer and make another round of whiskey sours for me and Bella. They lean on the counter chatting away while I bustle about with lemons and cracked ice, acutely aware of both of them.

"So are you gonna show us around the mansion, Eds?"

Bella looks at me sideways - no-one ever calls me anything but Edward. I pretend I haven't noticed.

"Bella's already seen most of it but yeah, if you like."

I check with Bella, raising an eyebrow, and she smiles.

"It's not a mansion, anyway."

Jake does a stage whisper to Bella. "Not a mansion, Bells, just like something off Cribs."

I ignore him and lead them out and down the hallway, into the dining room. Out of the corner of my eye I see that Jake's taken Bella's hand.

"Oops."

A couple from school are making out on the dining room table.

"Mind the fucking French polish" I snarl, backing out again.

"Occupied" I say, and Jake smirks.

Bella giggles and elbows him then teeters a little, slightly unsteady. Jake slips an arm around her waist.

"Whoopsie sweetheart, Eds been hitting you with too many of those naughty little drinks then?"

"Has not. M'not drunk."

She pushes his arm away, sniffing hautily and running her hands down herself trying to straighten her clothes. She's aiming at dignified but only manages to look half-cut and fucking hot, with her flushed cheeks and slightly glazed eyes. Jake and I are both staring at her with our mouths open, hell, we're almost fucking panting.

"He's not Eds he's Edward, anyways."

She walks across the hallway to me, only swaying a little. "My Edward," she says emphatically, kissing me on the lips.

"Yeah baby, your Edward." I so fucking am. She's warm and soft against me and she owns me. I groan a little as she presses her hips into my aching swollen cock. God she's sexy when she's lit up. Her mouth's hot on mine again and I can't say no.

Jake's come up close behind her. He runs his hand down her back and cups her ass and she shudders and moans into my mouth. I'm not sure she even realises who touched her. Damn, she really is quite drunk, I've blown it.

I look across at Jake past Bella's hair and shake my head slightly. He frowns at me, pissed that I let her get like this.

"Come on, Bells" he says, "you're practically falling down there. You need to lie down or get some coffee or something."

I tip her chin up and push her away from me a little, but I don't let go of her. I'm not sure that she'd stay upright if I did.

"M'OK, Eds." She grins at me, knowing I don't like nicknames, teasing . "Coffee, need coffee."

I'm not sure that's going to do it but I take her back to the kitchen and get a brew on. Jake settles Bella into one of the kitchen chairs and sits beside her. She leans over and rests her head on his chest and he puts an arm around her, rubbing her upper arm where he's holding her and whispering in her ear.

I lean back against the counter by the cook top opposite them, trying to figure out how I feel, seeing him so close to her. Jealous, excited, confused, but I mind it less than I'd expected. Jake looks up then, meeting my eyes, his gaze dark. He gives me a stare that's full of desire and I feel my cock twitch. He bends his head and kisses her hair, giving me that hot stare all the while. Fuck. I'm so hard, breathing heavily, gripping the counter with white knuckles.

The door bangs open and a group of revellers half falls into the room, talking and laughing loudly. I recognise them - Jessica Stanley and Mike Newton and that prick Tyler as well - I'm sure he tried hitting on Bella. I turn and take the coffee off the heat, pulling out mugs from the cupboard and cream and sugar for the table.

"Hey Ed-ward" Jessica slurs drunkenly, sashaying around the table and rubbing herself against me in a revolting manner. My hands are full with the coffee pot and mugs so I can't fend her off. I try to edge away but she's like a soused fucking limpet. She smells of beer, sweat and cheap scent.

"Hands off, skank!" Bella's pushed herself away from Jake and half-risen, hands on the table, glaring at Jessica. "Get your fucking claws off him, Stanley," Bella growls. Jessica giggles and Newton and Tyler leer and start calling for a catfight.

"Mud wrestling!"

"Throwdown, bitches!"

I slam the things down on the table and peel Jessica off of me, pushing her roughly back at Newton who catches her and reels back though the open kitchen door. They stagger off again, Tyler following, laughing and jeering. I slam the door.

"Jesus!" I pour Bella a coffee, fixing it how she likes, with cream and two sugars.

"Coffee, Jake?" He nods so I make us all one. He takes his black, sipping at it as he teases Bella about her spat with Jessica.

Bella's more alert after the excitement, and she sucks down the coffee and pushes her mug across the table at me. I make her a refill.

Emmett's moved on to an R&B playlist now and I hear it filtering through the walls, the volume's up so loud. No neighbours to come stomping over threatening to get the cops to shut us down out here in the forest, thank Christ. None to tell Carlisle and Esme we've been bad in their absence.

Quite how bad, I hope they'll never know.

"We should have a dance," Jake says, "burn off some of that alcohol."

"Don't dance," Bella says firmly, shaking her head. She stops shaking it and looks a little sick. "Oops, don't do that," she mutters to herself.

"Come and watch us, then," Jake says cheerfully, pulling her up.

She knocks back the last of the coffee then he takes her hand and drags her away. I follow, unsure what to do. He can't make her dance, I know she won't go for that. I'd love to dance with her but she never lets me.

The living room's not quite as crowded as it was when Emmett had the rap on. Several couples are slow-dancing in the dim light to a Mary J Blige track. Jake tries to get Bella to dance with him but she pulls back and slumps onto the couch, her legs sprawled. He shrugs and starts moving anyway.

I slip in beside her and draw her towards me, putting my arm around her thighs and pulling them together as I do. "Legs together now, Bella," I warn her. Fucking mini-skirt, letting any horny bastard see what's mine. I kiss her and settle her into the corner with her legs demurely together.

Bella chuckles. "Sorry, Eds, did I show off the goodies too much for your liking?" She ruffles my hair, grinning.

"Minx. Keep yourself decent while I have a dance too." She snorts and I kiss her nose, then join Jake.

Family Affair ends and the slower rhythms of Don't Waste Your Time drift across the room as I join the dancers. Jake's swaying, his hips grinding, dark eyes on me. I shoot a warning look at him: not in public. I dance well away from him but it's hard with the others on the floor all couples locked together. It makes us dance with each other, even if we're across the room.

My spins and turns unconsciously echo his and he steps and dips in tandem. Without meaning to we move closer until we're only two feet away, moving in a tight gyration, intensely aware of each other.

I look across at the couch and Bella's watching us, her mouth slightly open, eyes wide. I'm turned on anyway with the dancing and Jake, and it pushes me over the edge. I move in and put my arms around his neck, pulling him against me as we move. He raises an eyebrow and grins, then his hands cup my ass and he starts grinding against me.

Jesus. My eyes almost roll back in my head as he presses against my cock which is straining in my tight jeans. I growl and then moan as he pushes his leg between my thighs and rotates his hips in a frank dirty dancing move, squeezing my ass all the while. Fuck I want to kiss him and I'm staring at him, panting, one hand gripping his shoulder and the other knotted in his hair, tipping his head back as he gives me that hot stare under his half-closed eyelids and fucks me with his muscular thigh.

Then he turns me and pulls me back against him, hands on my hips as we move together. I feel his hard cock pressing on my ass and his hair brushes my neck as he puts his lips to my ear and whispers.

"Open your eyes Edward."

Our hips are gyrating, Jake's hands on my waist and mine on his as I sway and bend. I drag my eyes open. We're facing Bella on the couch and she's completely transfixed. Her mouth's open and she's biting her lip. She's unconsciously moving with the music, with our movements, making small thrusts with her pelvis as her hands clench and unclench on the couch beside her.

I groan and my head falls back onto Jake's shoulder as he presses his leg between mine again and dips us into a half-crouch then spins me back to grind with him again.

"Time to take it upstairs, baby, before I fucking lose it." He bites my neck and I shudder.

"Yes, upstairs." My voice is hoarse.

We separate, still swaying to the beat as we move over to the couch and I put my hand out to Bella. She takes it and stands, staring at me, her eyes hooded. She seems steadier now, hopefully the coffee's kicking in. I pull her against me and head for the door. Jake's vanished, probably gone on ahead.

I brush past various gawpers on the way to the stairs. Well, that's cemented our reputations at Forks High then. Fuck them all, I just want to get upstairs and have them both to myself.

As soon as we get away from the party and up to the third floor I push Bella against the wall and press myself against her, my hand on her ass, my other hand kneading her breast. Her mouth opens against mine and she's kissing me desperately, her tongue in my mouth all hot and excited, her arms tight around my chest. I'm so turned on by Jake I can hardly stand it, I want to ravage her there on the landing.

"Come on, kiddies, don't start without me."

Jake's deep voice is amused and a little ragged as he watches us, leaning against my bedroom door. Oh yeah, I locked it to keep randy teenagers out. Time to change that.

I pull Bella along impatiently, dropping her hand to find the key and open the door.

"Why not, Jake, you two started without me…" I hear her murmur behind me.

I reach back for her hand and draw her into the room as she hooks a finger in Jake's leather belt and pulls him after us.

Chapter Text

Bella

Those whiskey thingies Edward makes are fucking lethal. They taste so good, that's the trouble. By the time I realise I'm drunk, it's way too late.

That last one I had after Jake arrived tipped me straight into the drunk-as-a-skunk zone, or maybe that should be drunk-as-a-skank, the way I'm feeling. I want to hug everyone, well mostly my Edward and Jake, so I do. They don't mind, they're my boys. Good boys. Love those boys.

And they're getting on just great, so cool. Edward even lets Jake call him Eds, which is cute. But that's Jake, he's not into the formal crap. So they're sweet with each other, all friendly, not doing that macho guy bullshit stuff like pissing on each other's legs or on me - is that what I mean? You know, like dogs. Whatever. That would make me the bitch, snort. Bitch in heat, yeah. OK, change the topic.

Jakey's all worried about me cos I'm a little bit whoopsie in the hallway. Or maybe it's cos I snogged Edward and he didn't like it? Almost thought he was gonna join in there though, he was snuggling right up. Maybe he felt left out. Don't want him to feel left out, poor Jakey.

OK, Jake's right, drunk Bella's not cool. Coffee coffee coffee. Hit me with it. Jakey snuggles up to me there in the kitchen, whispering with me about my Edward. Edward's all organised, making the coffee, Captain Sensible. He's so pretty. I tell Jake how pretty he is and Jake thinks so too! Way to go, girlfriend. So we watch Edward being Captain Sensible and whisper about how hot he is with his pretty eyes and his sweet mouth and his long fingers. Such fun.

Then in comes bitch Stanley and the two douchebags and she fucking puts her paws all over my Edward. Fucking cunt needs to die, I'd end her if I could get away from Jake but he's holding onto me so I just rip her a new asshole with my mouth and Edward gets rid of them all. Fucktards. Whole school's full of them, fuck them. 'Cept Edward's family and Jazz, they're OK. An' maybe Rosalie but she's kind of a bitch. Yeah.

I'm all worked up after the Stanley skirmish and the coffee's kicking in a bit and it's still not good if I move too fast or shake my head, gets a bit spinny then, but I feel a lot clearer and not like I'm gonna fall over any more. Nice save boys, Bella is back.

But I'm not so back I'm gonna do dancing, hah, forget it Jake. Two left feet doesn't even cover it. So I'm on the couch and Edward gives me a cuddle and he's so funny worrying about me giving everyone a peepshow and pushing my legs together. Dadward.

Nice music, dreamy and funky, and the boys are dancing. Damn they can dance, they're hot boys, no wonder I want them. Oops, not s'posed to be thinking like that. Naughty Bella. But they just go so well together, they seem so close. Can they really have just met the once at that concert? Wonder if they…could they? Edward said Jake was hot last Sunday…and Jake in the kitchen before, talking about Edward like he wanted to…wow.

Edward likes guys, but I thought Jake was straight…but in the kitchen, he was talking about Eds as though…maybe they did more than just go to the concert that time? Maybe they…? Damn, that'd be hot, it's making me wet just thinking about them kissing.

I watch them move and they're dancing a lot closer now. I can't focus on anyone else in the room, all the couples slow dancing and necking and groping in the half-dark. All I can see is Edward and Jake as they slide and sway, closer and closer 'til they're dancing with each other now, God that's hot. They're so fucking sexy as they move around each other, not quite touching, teasing each other and fuck yes, they're definitely flirting. Oh my God, I want them to touch, that's so fucking hot.

Oh man - Edward's looking right at me and he can see how turned on I am. His eyes are all dark and sexy and he's putting his arms around Jake's neck and Jake's pulling him in and I think I'm gonna come on the spot as they grind together. Hot hot hot and I'm wet and the music's throbbing and I'm clenching in time as they damn near fuck each other there on the dancefloor.

Jake's spinning Edward around now and oh Jesus rubbing against his ass, man I'm gonna fucking melt. Edward's looking over at me again and it's like there's a laser beam joining us and making me want him so bad. I need to go upstairs with them, need to touch them both. I need to see them kiss and hold each other. I don't know what's wrong with me and I don't care, they just turn me on so much and I want them both. Greedy, naughty, dirty Bella. Bad Bella. Hot Bella.

Edward's here now. Edward. He takes my hand and we're going upstairs and a few lamebrains in the hall are staring but they can kiss my ass I don't give a shit. Just want to get him away from them all and fuck his brains out and do sexy things with him and Jake. Anything, Jeez I'd do anything for my boys they're so hot and sweet and did I mention hot?

Edward's feeling the same - his hands are all over me as we climb the stairs. If Jake wasn't waiting I think he'd fuck me right there, just bend me over on the third floor stairs and push up my stupid little skirt and stick his cock in me. He's got me up against the wall the second we reach his landing and I'm desperate to kiss him, sticking my tongue in his mouth like an animal, fuck he tastes good.

And there's Jakey, waiting by the door all big and hard and grinning in his leathers. They're both so hot…Jesus I want them, I want their cocks in my mouth and in my hands and I want to kiss them and I want, I want…all of it, all of them, all of us. I want the dream.

Jake

We stumble into Edward's room together. The lamp by his bed's on and he says something about music and goes to the desk and fiddles with his laptop. Typical Eds, I bet he's got a Music-for-fucking-Jake-and-Bella playlist on there. Insane dude but you gotta love him.

Bella leans back on me all soft and sexy. I just have to push her hair aside and kiss her sweet neck and she smells so damn good. I put my arms round her and hold her tits in my hands, I can't fucking help myself but she doesn't mind, she's liking it and she reaches up and pulls my head down for a kiss. Then she's doing song requests with the DJ, crazy pair that they are.

"Hey, Edward, have you got Sexy Cinderella on there?"

"Yeah - that UK R&B guy that died? Lynden something? You want to hear it?"

"Yeah. I had a dream about you and me and Jake all dancing together to that song. But I can't dance so you two have to do it for me. Can we do that? It's sort of my fantasy…"

Fucking incredible - she dreamed about all three of us? How hot is that?

So Edward's found the track and he puts it on repeat or something and it's a nice number, easy to move to. Edward's stopped dicking with the laptop now and he's checked the door's locked and he's grinning as he walks back over.

"OK then, Bella, you're the director, so tell us how this goes."

He thinks she's cute too, wanting to play out her fantasy.

"We were all dancing, together. Jake like he is, and you come here…"

She pulls him in and puts her arms round his waist and he's kissing her again, his hands holding her face as I suck and lick her neck and grind on her ass.

She comes up for air, breathless and laughing. "Yeah, like that but your hands were down here." She puts his hands on her hips. "And Jake's were around both of us. And you need to dance a little too, OK?"

Edward pulls her close and I rub my chin on her hair and smile into his eyes. I reach my arms around him so we're all pressed tight together, and I slide my hands up under his waistcoat and stroke his back. Edward leans across Bella's shoulder and I tilt in and we kiss. He slides his tongue into my mouth just a little and runs it around my lips, then pulls back. We each put our cheek against Bella's soft hair, one on each side and we move real gently, swaying and grinding just a little to the sweet, sexy music. Man it's nice, like we're just one creature, all warm and tingling and joined together.

I close my eyes and just move and feel Bella against me and Edward in my arms. Fuck I'm happy.

Edward

Jake's hands are hot on my back and Bella's soft in front of me, her breasts pressed to my chest. Her arms are around my waist and I feel so…enfolded, that's the only word. Best feeling ever. I don't want to break it off but we can't stay there all night just swaying so after a few minutes I gently disengage, smiling at Jake and pressing a kiss to Bella's forehead.

I set the playlist I made for tonight running from my laptop. Yeah I planned ahead, so what? We need a little cover music in case things get heated. Still going to have to keep it down though.

It's going better than I ever dared hope, and somehow Bella wants it too, she wants me and Jake I mean. She even dreamed about us all together.

Leaning on my desk I watch them. Jake's turned her around and he's kissing her deeply, bending over her and pulling her up into his arms. She's melted against him and his hand's on her ass, pressing her to him as his hips move slowly against her. I want them both so much that it makes it easier than I thought to see her with him like this - in fact it turns me on.

I slip off my waistcoat and hang it on the swivel chair by the desk. I'm unbuttoning my shirt as I walk back over and I slip it off and let Jake look at me while he's kissing Bella. He lifts his hand from her ass and beckons me in, then reaches out and rolls my nipple in his fingers, making me hiss as his other hand hooks in the waistband of my jeans and pulls me in closer.

I slide my hands down her sides, down to her waist and over her hips. I press in against her and Jake's hands cup my ass as my hands slip in between them and squeeze Bella's breasts. She breaks off the kiss then, gasping, and pushes Jake back a little.

"Oh boy, I need a little space, I feel sort of squished here." But she's laughing and stroking Jake's face and she puts her hand over mine where I'm holding her breast.

I kiss her neck softly. "So tell us what you want, Bella. We don't want to make you feel weird. Both of us love you, you know that, huh?"

Jake strokes her hair and she leans into his hand, giving my lips more access to her throat. I take advantage, kissing down her neck.

"Yeah, I know. It's OK, I feel good."

She turns, resting back against Jake, and runs her hands over my bare chest. I close my eyes for a moment, savoring her touch.

"You two were so hot downstairs, both dancing like that. I wanted to see you kiss…would you do that, would you kiss for me?"

She looks a little anxious, silly Bella. Would we do that? I smirk and raise my eyebrow at Jake and he gives me a sexy grin. Yeah, I think we'd do that.

I turn her around again. "Take off Jake's jacket, Bella," I suggest. "And his wifebeater."

He stands there smiling at us as she slips them off. She takes them over and dumps them on my armchair, then goes to sit on the foot of the bed, watching us avidly. We move towards each other and I know we're going to give her a show, and it turns me on.

Jake bends me back a little like a goddam perfume ad and tilts his head, his mouth open as he leans in and kisses me, his tongue flickering around my lips then sliding into my mouth. It's fucking hot knowing Bella's watching and I moan and my hand goes into his hair, pulling him closer, kissing him hungrily as I grip his ass and grind against him.

His hands are sliding across my back, then he reaches in between us and he's undone my jeans a little. He slides his hands round my waist inside the waistband, then down inside my jeans to cup my bare ass. Christ that feels good and I'm so fucking hard as I rub myself against him and press on his erection. I grip his ass too through the leather, sliding my hands as far down between his thighs as I can and he breaks off the kiss with a groan and attacks my neck, licking and biting up and down my throat.

"Jake…" I moan letting my head fall back as his tongue swirls across my adam's apple and he sucks on my collar bone.

Then Jake spins me around and pulls me back against him like he did downstairs in the dance so we're both facing Bella. My eyes are half closed but I see how turned on she is, eyes wide and dark, her breath ragged as she watches. I'm panting myself and my arms go up around his head, pulling him down as he kisses my neck. His hands are on my cock, stroking me through my jeans, cupping my balls then running his big thumb up and down my shaft. My eyes fall shut and fuck I'm so hard and I want her to see us, I want her to see Jake's hands making me hard as I thrust into his touch.

"Oh holy fuck…" Jake moans, gasping now. "Yeah, Bella, oh baby…"

And I open my eyes. Her legs are spread wide in those hot fucking boots and I get a glimpse of white lacy shorts under her skirt. She's undoing her blouse and as it falls open I see her breasts swelling out of her bra, nipples swollen. She's biting her lip and her eyes are half-shut and she's moving her hips as she watches us. I've never seen anything so fucking hot in my entire life.

Jake's hand is frantic on my cock now and I'm grunting and close to coming in my jeans but somehow I stop him, I still his hand then grab it and pull him behind me, stumbling over to the bed.

I fall on my knees there with Bella and I hold her and kiss her mouth hard and my hand runs up her thigh and pushes the lace aside. Two of my fingers slide around her clit, circling and stroking and making her moan, then up into her cunt. I feel Jake kneeling close behind me. He pushes down my jeans and he's taken my cock and I groan into Bella's mouth as he slides his hand up and down my leaking, slippery shaft.

Bella rests her forehead on my shoulder and she looks down at my hand inside her and Jake's hand stroking my cock. She puts her arms loosely on my shoulders and thrusts gently on my hand. She's making soft, grunting sounds as my thumb slides over her clit. Jake reaches around me and pinches her nipple through her bra while he's working my cock, making her gasp and thrust harder.

I need to taste her so I push her back flat on the bed and pull the boy shorts off over her boots. I push her skirt up and spread her legs wide.

Then I bend in and run my tongue around and across her clit, teasing and sucking, gripping her hips with my hands as she thrusts and cries out. Jake cups my balls and I'm moaning against her as he pumps my cock faster, holding me tight against him, his chest warm on the skin of my back. I suck on her harder and ram my fingers deep up inside and she's writhing and whimpering on the bed, bucking up into my mouth and grabbing at the covers.

Jake's tongue is wet on me then he bites my shoulder and his big, hot hand's jerking my cock and I'm coming, spurting hot in his hand as I cry out and rub my face frantically in Bella's slick folds while she spasms on my fingers.

I fall forward onto her, clutching her around the waist, my face on the rucked-up folds of her skirt. Jake kneels behind me, his hand on my ass stroking gently as I catch my breath. Jesus, that was intense.

Bella lies there spent, her eyes shut and her breathing loud. Jake lifts me up and we stand while I kick off my boots and jeans.

I find him some tissues then I kiss him gently. He licks Bella's taste from my face as I unbuckle his belt, pushing down his pants. He sits on the bed beside Bella, pants round his ankles and reaches around to stroke the bare skin below her breasts, brushing the back of his knuckles across her torso.

She opens her eyes and looks at him, raising her hand and running her fingers down the muscles of his forearm.

"Your turn now, Jake," she says, smiling.

I pull off his boots and get rid of his pants and Jake rolls onto the bed beside Bella and undoes the fastenings of her bra. He makes a soft noise in his throat then bends his head and takes her breast into his mouth, rolling her other nipple in his fingers. Bella whimpers and her head falls back as I walk around the bed.

"You're overdressed, love," I whisper to her, kneeling at the end of the mattress where my come's splashed across the gold bedspread. Mental note: laundry day tomorrow.

I unzip Bella's boots and slip them off, then the skirt. Jake's lips are sliding down her belly but she sits now and takes his head in her hands, stopping him from exploring any lower.

"No Jakey, your turn now."

Bella rolls Jake onto his back on the bed and I help her slip off her blouse and bra. She chivvies him up onto the pillows and he lies back, bronzed in the lamplight, his muscles defined and his erection standing up hard and huge. We're both drawn to it and I crawl across the bed while Bella slides down between his legs and licks him from base to tip. Jake groans and shuts his eyes, his big hands clenching then opening.

I swivel around so I'm angled, my feet almost on the pillow at the side of the bed. I hold him around his waist and kiss his belly, sliding my tongue along the furrows of his abs and into his navel. Bella's busy licking the underside of his cock and I join her, pressing my tongue against the base where it meets his stomach, and sliding wetly up to the head. I suck his slick glans while Bella mouths his balls, breathing warm air on them and sucking a little.

"Please…" Jake pleads hoarsely, pushing his hips up helplessly into our mouths, fisting the bedspread. "Ah fuck…please…"

Bella and I lock eyes and I move back, resting my head on Jake's belly, curled sideways and watching her work.

She grips the base of his shaft and supporting herself with her other arm, takes him into her mouth like a fucking sword swallower, sliding him in and out, his cock wet and gleaming. My hips move in time with her sucking.

Jake moans gratefully and tries to buck upwards but I hold his hips down and kiss his belly. He's very close, after all the excitement of the evening, quivering as she sucks and pumps him faster, his head jerking from side to side as he grunts deep in his chest. Then his hands come down to my head, strong fingers twisting in my hair as my tongue snakes across his belly and I bite his hip. He shudders and comes hard into Bella's mouth and she swallows again and again, her face intent as she licks him clean.

Jake's collapsed, gasping, and Bella's lying pillowed in his crotch. I move down a little and kiss her, slipping my tongue in, Jake's taste bitter-salt and familiar in her mouth. Then we both get up and slide in beside him, one on each side, and his arms curl around us and pull us close.

"Thanks…" he whispers, planting a kiss on each of our heads. "That was fucking amazing."

I reach out and turn off the lamp then I flick the bedspread across us and Bella does the same, and we lie there cocooned in Jake's arms, our heads on his chest.

The soft, thudding chords of Sleep by the Dandy Warhols are playing from my laptop, so we do.

Chapter Text

Bella

For a moment when I wake I think I'm dying, then I wish I were. My head's a pulsating ache and it feels like it's going to explode any second. My tongue's glued to the roof of my mouth and something undead definitely crawled in there to fester. Thank Christ it's dark because even the numbers 4:05 glowing on the clock-radio beside the bed hurt my sore, gritty eyes.

After a brief, sweaty struggle with the bedcover which is tangled around me in some weird way I manage to extricate myself, careful not to wake... Fuck. Jake. And Edward. Shit.

I slide to the floor and I'm frozen on all fours as it hits me. Getting drunk…the dancing…holding them both like in my dream…lying splayed out on the bed, Edward's mouth on me while Jake stroked him…both of us licking Jake's cock...oh sweet Jesus.

I can see just a little from moonlight leaking in around the drapes over the balcony doors. I crawl to Edward's armchair and slowly lever myself semi-upright then stagger to the bathroom.

In the bathroom I switch the light on reflexively then whimper in pain and turn it off again. Plus I don't want to see what's in the mirror. A red-eyed, horror-haired monster. Pitch fucking dark but I find the tap and feel about for a glass then drink about a gallon of water. Then I feel sick. Need Tylenol, surely he's got fucking Tylenol? Everyone has fucking Tylenol in their bathroom. I curse desperately, fumbling about in a cupboard behind the mirror and knock some damn thing into the basin where it makes a loud crash.

Defeated, I sink to the floor by the glass shower wall, head on my knees with my arms wrapped round me, and curl up in a heap of misery.

"Noooo turn it off!"

The searing light's gone on again, skewering my eyeballs. It clicks off and I hear someone push the door closed and feel their way across to me.

"Bella?" It's Edward. "Bella are you alright? Why are you in the dark?" I feel his hand on my arm, stroking me, then feel him sit beside me on the tiles.

"Not alright. Headache from hell," I mutter irritably. "Can't find the Tylenol."

"Revenge of the whiskey sours huh? I'll get it for you."

Soft thuds and clicks, a pause and then he says "Close your eyes, love, I have to put the light on to check."

I can tell when it goes off as the red through my eyelids goes dark. A short, pain-filled while later and he's pressing two tablets into my palm and a glass of water. I take them and suck up all the water, still dry as a Mormon. He gets me some more, drinks some water himself and then crouches down beside me and rubs my arm. I shiver - it's not super-warm in here and I'm naked. He seems to have put a shirt loosely back on.

"You've got goose-bumps, wait, this'll help…"

A thick dry towel, warm from the heated rail, goes around my back, another over my legs. I feel him sit beside me and he slides his arms around my shoulders and under my knees and pulls me into his lap, rocking me gently.

"Sorry I let you get drunk, Bella. I didn't realise it until it was too late."

He kisses my forehead and I feel a little better.

"My fault. Stupid…" But I'm not really talking about the drinking, not just the drinking anyway.

"You'll feel better in the morning," he reassures me.

"Will I? Gonna be kind of awkward I reckon…" I trail off unhappily.

"Feeling bad about what we did?"

I don't answer, I don't know what to say.

"Bella?" He sounds anxious.

"Yeah. You must think I'm…I dunno, a complete slut or something…" Irritatingly, tears trickle out of my eyes. I'm in a weakened state, in my defence. Fuck I hate crying.

He strokes my face and feels the tears, wiping at them with a corner of the towel. He kisses my hair and pulls me closer.

"Jesus, Bella, don't cry. Of course I don't think that and nor will Jake. Don't you remember what I said?"

"What, you mean 'fuck, Bella you're hot'?" I mutter, being difficult.

"Well, that too." There's a smile in his voice. "No, about both me and Jake loving you."

Stupidly that makes me put my arms around his chest and cry some more. He sighs and rocks me.

"It wasn't just my dick talking, baby. I do, you know."

"Love you too" I blubber into his chest, nose dripping.

He grabs me some toilet paper to blow it and pulls me back into his arms again.

"It's just…Edward…I mean, I never thought I'd ever…with two guys…" oh very coherent.

"I know, nor did I, I mean with two…others. But it's just happened, this you and me and Jake thing. Because we do all care for each other. It's not like some orgy or anything."

"Oh, you'd know the difference would you? Been to a few orgies?" I'm still sensitive about it all.

"Now who's calling who a slut?" Shit, he sounds a little hurt.

"Sorry, I was joking. I know, not an orgy but that's how people will see it."

"Fuck people." He's vehement, almost angry.

My voice is a whisper now. "They saw us go upstairs you know, after the dancing. The three of us…"

"They are a bunch of brain-dead losers. And they don't know what they saw, not really…"

But he sounds a little worried. "Jake's well out of it and I could give a flying fuck, but I won't have anyone hassling you. We'll tough it out and ignore them, hell, it's what I've been doing for years anyway. Alice and Jasper and Emmett will be OK."

"Will they?"

"They may not like it but they'll look after us."

"You're talking like this is something we need to handle...I mean that we're going to need to keep on handling…" Like you want us to keep on doing this is what I mean but can't quite bring myself to say.

He's silent for a while, then he sighs. "Yeah. Fuck, I don't know what to do. I love you both, in different ways. And I sure as shit want you both." Another pause. "Do you hate me for that?"

"I love you both too." I whisper it into his chest. "But how can we? Where could we…be together …except here. I mean, where did you and Jake…?"

"Here," he whispers, stroking my hair. "And Seattle, a motel after the concert."

I stiffen. "Wait, here and Seattle? How long have you and Jake been…?"

"Fucking?" Since the concert. Yeah, while you and I were…" He sounds strained, ashamed. "I wanted to tell you but I was afraid…I thought you'd tell me to get the hell away from you…"

There's an anxious silence while I absorb this, realising I knew anyway. I figured it out last night, seeing how they were with each other.

"Is it more than sex, you and Jake?"

He exhales and I realise he's been holding his breath. "Yeah. It's like you said. He makes me feel good, feel safe. I do love him too, but it's quieter than with you, less intense. With you it's been like a fucking whirlwind from that first day in Biology. But last night, when we were together…it just felt so right, so good, loving you both."

There's a pause then he whispers "What about you?"

I'm whispering too. I don't know if I'd be able to say this if it wasn't dark. The dark makes it easier somehow.

"I was a bit drunk last night but I knew what I was doing. Dunno if I would have done it though if I hadn't been half wasted. Too inhibited. But I love you and I love Jake, like you said. He's solid, like a rock, he steadies me. But it's not the same as with you, I'm in love with you and that's kind of…terrifying…"

I turn and feel his face in the dark and I kiss his eyelids, his nose, his cheeks. His mouth is soft and his lips part against mine as we press tongues gently. I feel as though I'm falling and I hear him groan softly, pressing his mouth more urgently against me, his hand sliding into my hair. Terrifying and wonderful.

When we finally break off the kiss, both our hearts are pounding. I can feel his through his chest.

"I don't know, Edward," I whisper, catching my breath. "It's not fair to Jake is it? When it's not quite the same with him?"

"Maybe not." Stroking me, thinking. "We'll just have to talk about it, see what he wants." He leans in and bites me softly just below my ear, making my head fall back. "I know that he wants you, baby, of course he does, you're fucking irresistible."

Kissing down my neck now, bending to take my breast in his mouth, soft until his circling tongue licks the tip to hardness. I feel his stubble rasp gently across the sensitive skin as he sucks on my nipple and I push myself into his mouth, making a small noise in the back of my throat.

"You're pretty fucking irresistible yourself, Edward Cullen" I whisper as he lays me down on the towels, spreading my legs, his mouth hot and wet on my breasts as his hand slips in between my legs, his fingers gently stroking and pushing up into me.

"Bella baby, fuck, you're so wet for me." His voice is shaky.

He lies on top of me and eases himself inside, moving softly, silent now except for our gasps and soft moans. The pitch blackness intensifies sensation and I feel the blood beating in my groin, my head, my hands. My skin burns wherever he touches me and I'm so aroused I'm coming already, cresting in shuddering waves as he takes me.

His body's warm on mine, the stubble rough on his jaw as he mouths my neck and his hard cock slides deeply in then slowly out. I can tell that I won't come again but pleasure still pulses into me with every long thrust. His head drops to the crook of my neck and he's making low whimpering noises in the back of his throat as he shifts his grip on my hips, moving faster now and thrusting harder, starting to quiver and lose control. I feel him sigh, arching and grunting as he spills into me, hot and helpless.

My headache's a little worse after the sex but I don't care and it soon subsides. We lie there and almost fall asleep again, then he stirs, pushing himself up on all fours and rising to his knees. He cleans us gently with a washcloth and we take some water back to bed. I feel a lot better now, the Tylenol taking effect.

Jake is still deeply asleep. He's rolled to my side of the bed, on the covers. Edward straightens the bedspread and gets a spare comforter from his wardrobe. He spreads it over Jake and pulls me in with him underneath the quilt so I'm between them both, resting in his arms.

"Sleep now, Bella, we'll work it out," he whispers.

Jake

I wake into dim curtained daylight from a dream of eating strawberries, crushing handfuls in my mouth so the juice runs down my chin. For some reason it's intensely sexual and I'm moaning quietly as my eyes squeeze open, hard as I always am in the morning, and pushing my cock into something warm and yielding. Fucking excellent way to wake up.

I get my bearings rapidly, remembering where I am and with whom. It's Bella against me. She's spooned before me and my erection's nudging her soft ass, pressing between her thighs. My arm's around her and I'm holding her breast, my face in her hair. Edward's curled facing her, asleep with one arm under her neck and the other lying between them, his lashes fluttering on his cheeks in the throes of a dream. Hope it's as much fun as mine was, lover boy.

I push my face into Bella's hair: strawberries. I inhale deeply, still gently moving against her thighs. I'm so tempted to slide my hand down her hip and pull her leg up so that I can push myself in more deeply where I long to be, but she's stirring now and she twists and kisses me sleepily on the chin, rolling onto her back as Edward yawns and stretches beside her.

I content myself with teasing her breast, blowing air across the tip and brushing the backs of my fingers across her nipple as it hardens. Edward's drowsily stroking her belly, his fingers circling her navel and dipping down to brush her pubes.

Bella's hands slip in between us and she's taken our cocks, stiff with morning wood, one in each hand, and given us both a quick stroke. "Morning, boys." Her small hands come up then and grip our wrists, pushing us gently away. "Nice though that feels, I need a human minute." She wriggles down the bed and extricates herself, heading for the bathroom.

Edward and I stare at each other, breathing a little fast and with hard ons that would choke a couple of pythons. Man, those green eyes. Really goddam tempting to just slide over there, roll him over and have at him but I don't think Bella's quite ready to walk in on that and I want us to talk. I want us to fuck too, but I want to talk first. I stretch my hand over and interlace my fingers with his, just lying there looking at him hungrily as he smiles back at me.

My stomach growls. And I wouldn't mind some breakfast.

We don't want to leave the room so Edward puts on his jeans and a shirt and goes padding off to raid the kitchen. He brings back a stack of toast with butter and jelly and a carton of juice, plus some mugs. There's a Mr Coffee in the room which Bella gets going while he's downstairs. She's borrowed some of his pajamas with the pants and sleeves rolled up and I'm in a pair of his sweats and some obscure Indie band T-shirt.

We picnic on the floor, using a towel as a makeshift table cloth.

"'Kay" I say with my mouth full. "We gonna talk 'bout vif or wot?" I take a swig of coffee and swallow.

Bella shoots Edward a quick glance. Man, that girl should never be let near a poker table. Or on second thoughts, I must get her into a game. Strip poker, preferably.

Shit this is awkward. All very well last night when we were drunk and in party mode, not so easy in the light of day. Well, in the half-light, Bella's eyes are still a bit sensitive so we've kept the drapes closed.

I'm feeling pretty vulnerable so I get up and wander to the French doors, pretending to look out between the drapes. Then I turn and lean back against the window, letting my hair fall half across my face in a dark curtain.

"Alright, I'll start. Last night was fucking wonderful. You both probably know how I feel about you..." Shit. I realise I can't really talk about how I feel for Edward unless he's told her.

I shoot him a worried glance and he smiles a little shamefacedly, looking sideways at Bella.

"I told her, Jake. About us…Seattle and all that…"

I look at her anxiously too. "Right, sorry Bells. I didn't know at the time that you and Edward were…hell, I didn't know you were even back in town at first."

She smiles a little and shrugs, she doesn't seem too upset. Whew.

"OK, so none of us have know each other very long, well except for you and me, Bells, but it just felt right with Edward the moment I met him, and I've always wanted you, Bella, you know that…" I look down, hoping my skin color and the dim light will keep her from seeing that I'm blushing. That damn stupid kiss.

I take a deep breath. "So I want to keep on seeing you both. I mean both together when we can. OK, that's me done."

I try to sound all casual and blasé but I'm feeling kind of out on a limb here, scared they'll reject me. I realise I think of them as a couple and myself as the outsider, partly as I've never been with Bella, just me and her. It feels a bit lopsided. Can a triangle be lopsided? I guess it can.

I shake myself out of my anxious brooding because Bella's speaking.

"We talked in the night Jake, Edward and me. About this - well, we talked a little…"

What? I thought they seemed to be looking at each other kind of meaningfully. I bet they fucked. We're going to have to figure that shit out, if we…well, it won't work if we're jealous. Don't be jealous.

Now Bella's the awkward one. "It was just…I had a headache and Edward found me some pills and water…you know, and we talked. So…"

She takes a breath and I find I've tensed up.

"So we want to keep seeing each other too - I do, and Edward…we wanted to see if you felt the same. So I guess you do?"

I let my breath out, hadn't realised I was holding it. Yes. Yes I do. I stand there and push my hair back, looking at them both. Bella's face looks hopeful, questioning. Edward's smiling a little, his eyes more knowing, darker.

"Fuck yeah, I want to." I look away again, rubbing one bare foot up the back of the other leg as I lean on the wall. "I know it's not quite the same" I say quietly. "With me I mean. You don't feel quite the same about me…"

"No Jake, that's not…" Bella being Bella she has to make it right, she's getting up.

"It's OK, Bells, really. You and Eds, you've got something special. And we haven't even…not yet…you and me I mean. But I don't care, I still want to try this, to see where it goes."

She's put her arms round my waist now, slender against me as I put my hand on her hair and stroke her, pressing her to my chest. There's a lump in my throat and at first it's just comfort, Bella soft against me as I hug her. But the feel of her warmth through my sweats, her breath hot against my chest and I'm so keyed up anyway…soon I'm reacting, blood pooling in my groin and I'm hard again, aching for her.

I make a soft huffing noise and kiss the top of her head. She can feel me through our thin clothes and I'm praying she wants it too. I'm so turned on with all this that I'm desperate now to get off. Such a romantic - I roll my eyes mentally. Such a fucking animal, Jake. Classy.

Edward's cleared the food and coffee away and he's joined us. He strokes Bella's hair too then pulls my head down a little, kissing the corner of my mouth and licking along my bottom lip. My mouth opens for him.

He pulls back and rests his head on my shoulder, speaking softly. "You seemed to feel it's a little…unbalanced between us, Jake. Want to put that right with Bella? Go on and I'll join you in a bit."

He kisses my neck and tips Bella's face up, rubbing his nose against hers and they kiss. She's flushed and I feel her push her hips against me, pressing my erection against her stomach and making my breath hitch.

He goes towards the bathroom but I barely notice. Bella's got her hand on my aching cock, rubbing me through the soft cotton of the sweats as I lift her up a little and open her mouth, sliding my tongue in and pressing it against hers. Hot, so hot now. Blood pounding in me and I'm holding her hard, pouring all my years of longing into the kiss. Getting it right this time.

I lift her in my arms - she's so slight - and carry her to the bed. Laying her in the center, I kneel over her and strip off the T-shirt, then I take off her pajama top. I wriggle out of the sweats and pull down her pants. She lifts her hips for me.

I cover her with my body, warm skin to warm skin all along us, chest, stomach, thighs. Her breasts press soft against me and I'm so hard, so fucking hard. My mouth's on her throat, licking her, biting gently, moaning as I move, rubbing my cock between us, writhing with the heat and pleasure as I kiss her mouth - deep, sucking, hungry kisses.

Holding myself up on my elbows so as not to crush her, I push my cock in between her legs, sliding it against her inner thigh, the skin so soft there, so smooth. I drop my head to her breasts, groaning and bringing my hand up to roll and pinch one nipple while I suck the other.

Bella arches back, her eyes shut, whimpering. Her hands stroke my back, my chest, they slide down my stomach between us into the hair below, flaring the hot need in my groin.

I grunt and push her legs apart with my knees. I have to be inside her. Have to. Need to. Fuck her. Yes.

Then I feel a caress on my ass, a hand reaching round and pulling me back from Bella, rolling me on my side against him...Edward? What?

"Wait Jake, here…" He takes my cock and rolls on a condom. Oh, oh yeah, ohhh…

Stroking me, rolling me back and his hand's on my ass again, fingers curving between my cheeks and in my crack, reaching forward to cup my balls and ah fuck he takes my cock and rubs it up and down Bella's slit, wet with her juices and I'm panting and moaning, Bella whimpering and pushing her hips up against me, begging me to fuck her as his long fingers trail over her cunt and along my cock.

Then I'm in her. Thrusting deeply and crying out, frantic with need, fucking her with hard desperate strokes as she writhes under me and sucks me in. I want this so much and I'm going to come too soon, too much, too intense, I can't hold it, I'm all body and no control, no mind just pumping flesh as it all gushes out of me.

No no no, I'm ashamed, I can't look at her. Wanted her so long and I've blown it. Blown my wad like a green thirteen year old with a porno mag. I'm still half hard and I keep moving, trying to please her. Bella groans under me, angling herself to keep me inside. Damn.

Then I feel his touch on my ass. Edward's hands are stroking my thighs, my ass, parting my cheeks and his finger's wet and slick as it presses inside my anus, tight as he slides it in through the ring of muscle, making me groan. Another finger, pressing and curving inside me, finding my prostate and stroking it. My teeth clench and I grunt, shocked as the heat wells out filling my groin again, exquisite pressure in my ass making me hard, filling me up, filling me with need and a burning pleasure.

Fuck me. Fuck my ass Edward. Oh sweet Jesus that feels good. Then his fingers slip out and he straddles me, opening my cheeks and pressing his slick cock in where he's made me ready and open. Hurts oh it hurts and I grunt and thrust reflexively into Bella, aaah now so good as his cock angles down a little where it's swollen and feels so right. And oh the sweet fire and I'm fucked and fucking, sobbing now as he takes me taking her.

Bella's looking up, wide-eyed and mouth open, panting as we curve over her, mindless, thrusting into her as Edward finds his rhythm, sliding hard and deep into me now, ruling me, setting the pace for our thrusts, fucking Bella through me. I give myself over to pleasure as he rides me, his hands on my hips then his chest's on my back as his pace quickens, skin slick on mine as his hips pump faster and my hips pump faster and we're grunting and Bella's head goes back and she spasms around me and fuck I'm going to come again oh Edward, oh Bella, spurting as he grunts and bites my shoulder hard and rams himself into me once, twice, quivering, then collapses across my back.

No words, we curl together, boneless and spent. Sleep again and wake to lazy stroking and licking, a tangle of limbs, mouths and hands.

Hungry later on and there's pizza and music and we play poker, betting for toothpicks. Edward and I clean Bella out, predictably, claiming our winnings in kind from her mouth. We stay in the room as much as possible, Edward our emissary to scavenge food and sodas.

Finally pulling ourselves reluctantly back to the world outside our room as it sinks towards twilight. The Chief expects Bella back, I should check on Billy. Half dazed, we press parting kisses and touches on each other in the safety of our room.

Then we emerge and Edward walks us out. Bella's old truck, my bike. He stands there watching as we drive away, splintering off into the gathering dusk.

Chapter Text

Edward

"It'll be OK Bella, just ignore them all."

We're in the Volvo in the school parking lot and Bella's nervous.

I lean across and press my lips to the lobe of her ear, then her cheek, then softly on her mouth. She's tense though and she pulls back, breaking the kiss and clambering out of the car. Sighing I join her, taking her hand, and we walk inside, eyes front, heads up, trying not to notice the occasional whispered comment or snort from the milling crowd as we carve a path to Bella's first period class.

She seems alright when I collect her for the rest of her morning classes, up until lunchtime. I'm waiting outside her final class and students are flooding past me when I hear a muttered "there's pervy Cullen," and sniggers. Sure enough, Mike Newton and Tyler Crowley slouch past, leering. I clench my teeth and hold myself on a tight rein, hoping Bella didn't have to put up with that sort of crap.

No such luck. When she emerges from the room her eyes are a little red and she's collapsed in on herself, clutching some books to her chest, her shoulders hunched defensively. She comes into my arms and stands there, forehead pressed to my chest and I feel her trembling a little as my arms fold round her and I rest my chin on top of her head.

"What? Tell me…"

"Newton. He kept going on about my 'big city habits' and endless pseudo questions about how we 'did it'. Crude crap about what went in where, and in who. Calling me a 'swinger', suggesting a threesome with you, me and him, crap like that. Constant fucking whispers and innuendoes. Half the class could hear him and they were snickering and…and…God, it sucked. I feel like I've been pushed in a sewer and held under. And there was nothing I could do but hide behind the hair and hope he'd stop. I wanted to scream and smash his face in; it took everything I had not to react."

I rub her back and hold her tight, trying not to let the rage show. Fucking goddam Newton, he is dead meat. Stroking her hair, desperate that I wasn't there and can't protect her all the time. Newton and his asshole cronies - cheap two-bit bullies attacking Bella and skittering away from me, grinning behind their hands.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I'll shut him up…" Kissing her cheek, trying to make my arms a shield around her.

"Don't, Edward, don't take Mike on - you'll just get in trouble." She stares up at me, eyes wide, worried.

"Have to do something, Bella, I can't let this happen. I'll try, OK? I'll try not to hurt him…too much."

"No, please…you'll just get hurt too…please, Edward, let it go, it'll die down in a while. Please."

Not a promise I can make so I just shrug and we go to lunch, neither of us hungry, sitting quietly with Jazz and Alice, Rosalie and Emmett. Newton doesn't show, probably knows I'm aching to pound him to a pulp.

The sibs aren't mad pleased either, of course. Alice keeps giving me dirty looks because Bella's getting hurt, and Emmett looks sullen and uncomfortable about the whole situation. Rosalie's highly irritated and pouting, filing her nails and refusing to talk to me. So at least that's one good thing.

Jasper's his usual laid-back self, Mr Joe Cool with his tunes, but I catch him giving me sidelong glances and he looks a little dubious. We haven't had a chance to talk to them yet and I need to sort a few things out. Might as well get on with it.

"So guys, time for a chat I guess." Damn, this is harder than I thought. Bella's looking worried, almost frightened. I reach for her hand and hold it in both of mine, stroking her fingers gently with my thumb.

"Um…the weekend, what happened at the weekend…" I trail off, realising I can't possibly raise this with Rosalie sitting there glowering and touching up her lipstick. "Ah, maybe we should talk outside…or if you'd excuse us, Rosalie? Just for a moment."

She gives an exaggerated sigh and rolls her eyes. "Yeah, like I'd want to hear about your sordid goings on anyway." She stands and slings her Gucci tote across a shoulder. "I'll be in our special place Em - don't be too long now." A quick kiss and she strides off, Emmett's eyes fixed on her ass, a hungry look on his face.

"Right then." Fuck fuck fuck, get on with it. "I don't know what you saw or heard, but yeah, Bella and I are together, um, I mean we're going out."

"Staying in's more like it," Alice says waspishly, and Jazz snorts. Emmett looks after Rosalie, impatient for me to get to the point.

Bella's hiding behind her hair, her face crimson. I put my arm around her shoulders.

"Yes, well, we didn't get out much at the weekend, I know. See, it's not just me and Bella, there's Jake too."

"Jake," Alice says in a flat voice.

"Yeah, Jake, Jacob. He's someone I met recently about the same time Bella and I got together, and Bella knows him as well - he's an old family friend." This isn't going quite how I'd imagined - they're all three staring at me, looking doubtful (Jasper), pissed (Alice) and frustrated (Emmett).

"Well, so, Jake and Bella and I, we're, we're…going out, or rather staying in as you more accurately put it, Alice. We're an item. Well, we want to be, anyway."

"A threesome? You're making Bella do a fucking threesome?" Alice has gone an odd puce color, which clashes with her salmon pink blouse. I decide not to point this out.

"Jesus, keep your voice down, Alice. No, well, yes, but it's more than that, and it's not a one-off thing. And no-one's making Bella do anything…Bells?"

Bella's a similar deep red shade behind the wall o' hair, muttering and not meeting anyone's eyes. "It's OK, Alice, I'm fine with it, I mean I want this too. Jake and Edward. I…I love them both."

"Oh, for fuck's sake, how can you say that, you hardly know them? Well, maybe you know this Jake guy from before, but Edward…" Alice shoots me a poisonous glance "…you've barely met him. Dammit Edward, this is precisely the sort of sick shit I warned you not to do. I warned you not to fuck Bella over!"

"I'm not." "He's not." We speak at the same time and she glances at me, trying a small smile.

"Alice, really, he's not taking advantage and I'm a big girl, I know what I want. And I want them both."

Emmett huffs out an irritated breath. "Look, little bro, what the hell ever weird shit rocks your boat, but Mom and Dad are gonna freak, that's all I can say."

"I hadn't planned on them finding out, Emmett. Think you could manage not to blurt it out during Evening Report at the dinner table?"

We eye each other, bristling. Stupid to antagonise him but I always get defensive with Emmett.

I sigh. "Sorry, just…let it be, OK Em? Please don't make an issue of it. They kind of know I've started to see Bella - well, Mom does anyway - and I'd rather just leave it at that. We'll figure out the Jake part of it ourselves."

"Whatever. Right, I'm off to have vanilla fun with Rose. Someone in the family's got to act normal." He strides off, leaving Alice glaring after him. Oh well, it's distracted her slightly from beating on me.

"So how are you going to work this, with the three of you?" Jasper's curious. "I mean, you're still in school, you don't have your own apartments or anything - unless Jake does?"

"No he lives with his Dad. Yeah, it's not easy. That's partly why I wanted to talk, as we need your help. Alice, please…I mean we needed to talk to you anyway because we weren't exactly discreet at the party so we owed it to you to explain. Um…not that there's much I can say. We got a bit carried away on the dance floor, Jake and me, sorry about that."

"It's Bella I feel sorry for, the way the gossip machine's buzzing around the school. That bitch Stanley, and fucking Lauren, they're having a field day."

Bella groans and hides her face in her hands. Damn.

"Yeah, I know, Bella already had a run-in with Newton and Crowley." Whose days are numbered, Newton's especially. "OK, that was stupid - Jake and I were a little…lubricated. The talk'll die down in a bit and we won't give them any more scenes to get excited about. It helps that Jake goes to school on the rez."

"Oh right, Jacob Black, from La Push?" Alice knows everyone, of course.

"So what - you and Bella, and you and Jacob, and Bella and Jacob…?" Jasper's still stuck on the logistics of it all. Or possibly he's getting off on it, the bastard. You never know with Jazz.

"Yeah. Well, really it's all three of us in a relationship. But you're right, it'll be hard to manage. My room's the safest as it's away from the main house. Like I said, I want to let Mom and Dad think it's just me and Bella and we'll sort the rest out. But we need your help, Alice."

"Really." She's eyeing me, somewhat less hostile but not liking all this. Which is understandable I guess.

"We need you to invite Bella home for a sleepover each weekend. Make up some excuse - maybe to study together or work on a project, you know. The Chief worries that she's too isolated so he'd go for it."

"And he likes going fishing at the weekend so he'd jump at the chance to get away," Bella adds quietly.

"So you want Bella to 'sleepover' with me, but in fact she'll be with you. And…Jake. But you'll never slip Jake past the parentals, and Carlisle doesn't…he wouldn't…um that is…"

"Yeah, he wouldn't let Jake in the door, because he's Quileute. He's a fucking racist, our dear adoptive Dadddy." I can't help the bitterness in my voice. "Leave that part with me, we'll be discreet."

"Jesus, Edward, I don't know. This could so easily blow sky high. And…and…you're all so young. Tell me you're being safe? Using condoms?"

I flush because we haven't been as careful as we should. Certainly not going to admit that bit. "Come on, Alice, we're only a year younger than you, don't pull the authority figure crap on us. And yeah, we've got condoms of course, we're not idiots." Making my eyes wide and honest. Aiming for an innocent yet mature expression and maintaining steady eye contact. Usually works.

Alice blows out a breath and pinches her nose, a family gesture when we're stressed. "Fuck. And if I don't help, I imagine you'll see each other anyway, in some less suitable place. Shit. Oh alright, but Christ do you owe me, Edward. Like home loan deposit and paying my kids' College fees level of debt."

I grab her hand and kiss it, excited. "Thanks, Alice, you're my favorite sister."

She snatches her hand back. "Christ on a bike. I'm your only sister, meathead." She stands, and Jasper gets up languidly as well, gathering their books. "One last thing. Bella, when you need to talk about…about…all this…then please, please come and find me. I'm worried you're in over your head so just…yeah."

Bella goes to hug her, whispering thanks, and Jasper and I stand around like spare wheels while the girly stuff plays out.

He grins at me. "Ditto, man," he says. "Any time." Alice grabs his hand and drags him off, smirking.

Yeah, in your dreams am I giving you any details, Jazz.

We sit down again.

"Well, I thought that went well…" I say, deadpanning for all I'm worth.

We're silent for a moment then we catch each other's eyes and lose it, laughing hysterically.

"You are NOT to talk to fucking Jasper about us. He was entirely too keen to be your shoulder to cry on."

Astute girl - I grin at her affectionately. "No problem. He'd probably want to make videos so the less he knows the better."

The afternoon's bearable with the same nudge nudge wink wink crap but no overt abuse. I'm with Bella in Biology so that helps. Newton still doesn't show. The constant undertone of giggling and gossip wear us down however and we're quiet in the car after school. Bella wants to make dinner for Charlie so we head back to her place and go up to her room to kill some time.

Lying together on her bed and finally I can comfort her properly, pulling her head into the crook of my shoulder and tangling our legs together as I stroke her. It's nice and she sighs, nestling into me, warm under the quilt.

I tilt her face up and kiss her softly, pressing her gently back onto the mattress. Comfort slips inexorably into arousal as she moves under me, making soft noises in her throat. I need to feel her skin so I undress her quickly, stripping my own clothes off and discarding them in a heap. We snuggle back under the quilt and I shudder as I measure myself against her, drunk with the feel of her hot silky skin under my hands as my mouth falls to her breasts, my tongue weaving wet circles around her nipples.

Bella moans and her hands close around the heat of my cock, forcing incoherent noises from my mouth as I curl around her and suck on her breasts. I slide my hand in between her legs as she begins to pump me, grunting to her rhythm as I push my fingers deep inside her until she bucks up, whimpering, and loses concentration, her hand on me faltering, erratic.

Chastened by Alice I find a condom packet in my jeans pocket and roll the latex on, then I turn Bella, nudging her onto her hands and knees and kneeling behind her. I reach through to squeeze her breasts then run my hand down her belly and into that sweet wetness as I rub my cock against her soft ass cheeks. Then I'm pressing her down on her forearms and guiding my cock into her as she cries out and backs onto me, trembling.

Oh fuck that's good, oh sweet fuck…oh yes. Bella... Bella... Bella... The blood pounds in every part of me as I thrust deep inside her, gripping her hips as I push in hard and fast, then pull back slowly, relishing her slick tightness. Bella whimpers and grunts, pushing her cunt back onto me desperately each time I withdraw.

Too good, I have to move faster, can't hold out much longer. I can tell she's close, her legs shaking under me. I force her knees wider apart and push her chest down onto the bed, snapping my hips into her fast and deep, my balls slapping against her as I grunt. I feel her fall apart around me, writhing and moaning as I fuck her. Pulling me over as she comes and the waves of pleasure pulse through me as I cling to her, quivering. So good, Christ, it feels so goddam good, so utterly right and necessary.

Lying together afterwards she wants to talk. I'd like to hold her close and sink into sleep, but we can't because Charlie's due home in an hour and she needs to start dinner. I hold her close anyway, nestling my face in her hair.

"Gotta talk with Jake, Edward." She stifles a yawn, setting me off as well. "I mean, this, now, we need to talk about seeing each other like this, in couples, as well as all together. Because it's going to be mostly just two of us together isn't it, except at the weekend?"

"I guess. You mean you're not sure about you and me fucking, if Jake's not here?"

"Yeah. Well, not that I think it's wrong, but I don't know how he feels, or how you'll feel when it's just me and Jake together."

The way she says it - so definite that she and Jake will be getting it on - brings it home to me. Jake and Bella screwing, without me. Hmmm, not quite so easy to handle. But I can't have it both ways, not if we want our three-way thing to work.

"Or me and Jake together. Yeah, I see. OK, we need to talk it over, because I don't think any of us are going to want to just have the occasional threesome and be celibate otherwise."

"No, you horny boys couldn't possibly cope with that!" She swats me on the ass and I grin, biting her neck and getting turned on again until she laughs and pushes me away.

"Enough, Charlie'll be here soon and it'd go a lot better if we weren't naked and humping. Geroff…"

So we pull ourselves together and zip ourselves up all neat and tidy, and I get on my cell and arrange a date to have coffee with Jake after school on Tuesday, three friends going out.

A date to talk about how many times two can go into three, and other permutations and combinations.

Bella's thoughtful as she walks me to the car.

"This thing tomorrow, with Jake. You know, it's our first date. The first with all of us there. We should do the dating thing, Edward, because Alice is right - we barely know each other. And so far we've hardly done anything except fuck like rabbits. We need to do normal things, spend time together as well."

I can see her point, and I feel a little guilty that I'm such a sex-obsessed teenage boy, just wanting to fuck her brains out - and Jake's - at every opportunity. Part of me knows it's insecurity - I need the physical connectedness to be reassured that they're real, that they want me, that I'm OK. Even if I know I'm not. But we do need to talk as well and just muck around doing ordinary things.

So, dates it is. Dinner, or movies. Hmmm, that could be tricky. No make-out session afterwards, outdoor activities being ruled out by Forks' climate most of the year.

And while two may fit several times into three, three definitely won't fit in the Volvo's back seat.

"Dates would be nice. I'll see you in the morning, love."

Bending to kiss her. Hoping we can work it out because there aren't any self-help books about this. We're going to have to write our own rules.

Chapter Text

Bella

"Did you get me a skinny latte like I asked?" I'm watching swirls of cinnamon dissolve into the frothy milk.

"Probably not. The guy behind the counter's eyes were too close together and he was real edgy. I figured he might whack me with a pool cue if I stressed him with any cute requests. This ain't Starbucks. Anyway, you need fattening up."

I scowl at Jake. Do not.

We're at the Breakwater. It's more of a pool hall and bar with an espresso machine than a café, but that means it stays open in the evening and it's got a quieter area with sofas where you can sit comfortably. And it's a little out of town, which seems like a pretty good idea - the diner's popular with our schoolmates from Forks High and we can do without the audience. Still, as a first date venue it lacks any romantic ambience, with a wide screen on the far wall running flickering Super Bowl replays and walls covered with sports paraphernalia.

Edward sips his unsweetened espresso. It's a personality test really, the way people take their coffee. Edward's obviously the straight-up type, and I'm a cream-and-sugar type. Jake's usually an espresso guy too but for some reason he's decided to have hot chocolate tonight - maybe he needs comforting? Maybe he's nervous? I eye him covertly but he looks alright, flicking his hair back over one shoulder and sucking on a marshmallow.

"How's your week been, Jake?" Edward's trying to get the conversation going as we're all a bit awkward. We've never done this before.

"OK. Boring, I guess. I'm struggling with math, fucking hate it - never been my best subject. Had a double period today so that sucked. And a test coming up in a week." He sighs and drinks some more, leaving a creamy froth on his top lip which he licks off.

I can't help watching his tongue slide along his lip and I realise my mouth's gaping. I blush and catch Edward smirking at me. Jake seems oblivious to our perving, frowning as he thinks about the coming test.

"Maybe we could study together and help you with it?" That'd be a normal, 'dating' type thing to do, surely? "Not that it's my best subject either though."

Jake looks at me, considering. "Yeah? You'd do that? You could come to La Push - our place isn't big but the kitchen table's OK for studying. Billy wouldn't mind - he'd be happy if I had friends over."

"Sure, either your place or one of ours. Charlie'd be the same as long as we stayed downstairs, we could use our living room or the kitchen. What about you, Edward?"

He looks uncomfortable. "I'd like to come over and have some study sessions if that's alright - I like math OK so I can help tutor you both. Probably not at my place though - Esme's always in my face and I don't want her getting too curious. Sorry…"

I know he's really worried that Carlisle might make a fuss about Jake if he's a bigot like Edward said. Carlisle's prejudice goes unspoken though. Weird that we can fuck each other six ways from Sunday but not talk openly about our parents' racism. I guess we really don't know each other well enough to be comfortable.

Oh well, we have to start somewhere. "'Kay, so lets plan on getting together after school a couple of times a week - so, tomorrow? At my place? I'll make us some cookies."

They nod, and Jake says "OK, Mom, milk and cookies it is."

I scowl and whop him on the arm and he grins.

"Yeah, I know it's kind of a crazy contrast," I say, trying to explain myself. "One minute we're jumping each other's bones and the next setting up a playdate with milk and cookies. But we sort of went from zero to one hundred too fast don't you think? We need to slow down a bit and get to know each other some more."

Jake nods, still amused. Not that that'll stop him wolfing down a shitload of cookies of course. Boys.

"Bella thinks we should date as well, Jake." Edward's smiling that damn crooked smile. "All three of us. You know - dinner, bowling, whatever." He raises an eyebrow.

"Are you asking me out, Edward?" Jake shoots him a flirtatious look and oh boy, a little heat in the belly there. I try not to squirm and clench too obviously.

"I'm asking you both out, yeah." Edward smiles lazily at us both. "What about Friday? A movie maybe? Is there anything worth seeing at Port Angeles?"

"I've got a better idea, but it's more complicated." Jake leans forward, arms crossed on the table. "There's another concert at Neumos in Seattle this Friday that I wanna see - the Dandy Warhols. They're amazing live. I'm going to be working the fishing boats this weekend during the days so I'll be able to afford it even though the ticket'll clean me out right now. Why don't we hit the concert instead of a movie?"

I'd really like to go as they're one of my favorite bands, and almost locals too, being Portland based. But Charlie won't let me stay over, not in Seattle. I bite my lip, trying to figure out how to manage it.

"Bella?" Edward says. "What d'you think? I'd be up for it."

"Yeah, I'm keen. But Charlie…I'd have to drive back home afterwards, there's no way he'd let me stay - I mean, I've got no-one to stay with."

"Well, you have…" Edward says provocatively, under his lashes, "But yeah, there's no way we could sell Charlie you, me and Jake in a motel for the night as a going concern."

No siree. I shudder to imagine the outburst if Charlie heard about that little plan. Firearms would be involved. Probably sticks of dynamite as well.

"This'd be the same motel where you two…?" They exchange a glance and Jake actually blushes as Edward smirks suggestively. Shit, it must have been pretty hot. Definitely some moistness in the groin area now as I watch Jake take a deep breath and try to collect himself.

Edward leans back looking smug, hands behind his head. "We don't have to stay. It's not so very far to drive and they'll be finished by 10.30. Charlie should buy a late curfew if you work on him - it's not a school night after all. Who would he trust more as 'the boyfriend' to drive you? Me or Jake?"

"Jake - he knows Jake and Billy." And he doesn't trust you, I don't add. "Well, I can try, I guess. If I can't swing it with Charlie you two should still go, though."

They look at each other and Jake blushes again. Right, and if Bella's not having to be gotten home to bed before Charlie turns into a pumpkin, the motel's definitely going to see some action.

"Which brings us to agenda item two." They look at me, curious. "We need to talk about…that kind of situation. We talked about getting together when we can, all three of us. But what about what we've been doing up to now as couples? You two, and me and Edward? Or even me and Jake?" Jake looks very interested in that last bit and Edward winces.

I press on. "We need to talk about whether it's alright, I mean, seeing each other as couples."

Jake's a little flushed again - and I thought I was the blushing rose around here. It's kind of sweet really. He speaks softly, looking down at his hands. "I reckon it's OK. I mean, we're not going to be able to be all together at once that often, just some weekends. I'd like it if we could still see each other the rest of the time."

Edward's not too happy. He's rocked forward and he's staring at his hands, tapping his fingers on the table top in a nervous jazz rhythm. "I get you and me Jake, and Bella and me, but…you and Bella weren't…before…not really."

"Jealous, Edward?" Jake's staring at him, a little pissed. "I'm not sure this whole thing's gonna work if there's one rule for you and a different one for me."

I'm starting to feel a bit pissed myself now. "Um. If you could crank the macho bullshit down a notch, boys, I think it's really up to me to decide who I sleep with."

They give me a brief sidelong look then go back to eyeing each other. I can see they don't really agree that it's up to me. Fucking cavemen - Christ knows how they manage to get it on as a couple. Maybe they just put each other in head-locks and half-nelsons until they come.

I'm not all that sure that I do want to sleep with Jake but I'm not having Edward telling me what I can or can't do. I'm not going to let any guy control me like that, never again. "Like I said, I'll decide about that issue guys, but I think Jake's right - we all need to be on an equal footing or there'll be resentment."

Edward glowers into his empty coffee cup. Clearly there'll be resentment either way. Damn.

"Hell, lets leave it for now and talk about it some more later. Anyway, yeah, I think we can keep seeing each other the way we've been doing. Actually Jake, Edward and I already got together yesterday after school. That was why I wanted to sort it out."

Edward closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose at that, and Jake frowns.

"What? We shouldn't keep secrets from each other!"

"Not secrets, no," says Edward, looking a little tired. "But it is kind of awkward so if it just crops up or we need to mention getting together for…for logistical purposes or something…OK. Otherwise, until we figure this out a bit more, lets not rub each other's faces in it."

Slightly unfortunate image there but I take his point, blushing now myself. Jake's looking a little strained as well, gazing away at some random baseball players on the TV, his arms folded across his chest.

"Damn, you boys are spoilsports. And here I was hoping for a blow by blow account of what you got up to in that motel." I smirk at them, teasing. Oh come on guys, lighten up.

They grin a little, sheepishly, and I reach out and ruffle their hair, making them both duck away, complaining. Such vain things, huffing at me and finger-combing their pretty locks back into place. I beam at them fondly and we're OK again, ordering more coffee, chatting about school gossip and who's banging who on the rez.

Well, it's a start.

Edward

Newton's been avoiding me, skipping classes or staying tight inside a posse of his friends, not making eye contact. I'm trying to chill, to do what Bella asked and not let my temper get the better of me. Hard though - when I think what he said to her the rage boils up again and my hands itch to throttle him.

It all falls apart on Wednesday in the locker room after gym. There's the usual to and fro with lame jokes, scuffling and innuendoes as towels are snapped at bare asses, but in the midst of it I hear fucking Newton again going on about drilling a peephole into the girls' showers to catch Bella at it "because you know that bitch will go with anyone so she'd be up for a little girl-on-girl".

He doesn't think I can hear him from the other end of the room but his irritating high-pitched whine carries and in a second I'm in full rage mode, heart pounding, fists clenched, lips drawn back in a snarl as I wheel and confront him.

"Fuck you, Newton. I was trying not to react to your shit but I'm going to have to shut that foul mouth of yours, aren't I? You just can't fucking well leave it alone, asswipe."

He's staring at me now, his blonde hair damp and spiky, lanky in an undershirt and boxers, a towel in his hand. His eyes are wide and he's tensed as though to run away, but the door's behind me so he's got nowhere to go but the showers. His so-called friends are drawing back, sensing blood, not so brave any more. Or maybe they want to see the fight.

I stalk towards him, the edges of my vision red-tinged. I'm barefoot and bare-chested in jeans, and I'm taller than he is, and stronger. And I've learnt a few tricks from wrestling with Emmett across the years.

He backs away from me into the shower-block, slipping a little on the wet concrete floor. An oddly detached part of my brain notes that I can indeed see the whites of his eyes as he looks desperately around for some escape. I don't care that he's afraid - bullies always are when someone gives them a taste of their own medicine.

He doesn't expect me to grab his balls as my first move and he howls when I squeeze them hard, forcing him down onto the floor and grabbing his throat with my other hand. I bang his head on the concrete several times then slap him about the face until his cheek starts to bleed from a cut. All the time I'm growling threats and promises about what I'll do if he says one more fucking word about Bella, me or Jake. He's kicking and struggling but I pin his legs with mine and ignore his flailing fists even when they connect with my face, bruising my cheekbone and splitting my lip.

I don't want to stop. At some point I realise the anger isn't just about Newton and his stupid harassment, it's also frustration with Jake and the thought that he wants to fuck Bella, and that Bella may let him. And under all that is the old rage, the hatred of myself that I keep clamped down. I can't let it surface, can't lose it completely, Christ knows what I'd do but it'd put fucking Newton in the hospital for sure.

Forcing myself back from him, standing shakily and a last hard kick to his ribs as he curls up protectively, a final slurred curse through my misshapen mouth and I'm walking away, trembling, pushing through the crowd of gawkers, my face throbbing and the metallic taste of blood on my upper lip.

I dress rapidly and head straight for the Volvo, skidding out of the parking lot and driving, just driving, the blood in my mouth an aftertaste of rage as my heart gradually slows and several bruises introduce themselves. Kicking Newton with bare toes: not the smartest thing I've ever done. I finally come to my senses along the road to La Push, almost at the first houses before I do a U-turn and head home.

Esme's out and Carlisle's at the hospital, of course. I find a pack of frozen peas and press it to my cheek but it's too late to do much good and the cold hurts my eye. I slump in a chair at the kitchen table, licking blood from my lip, my head pounding. Fuck. Not good, though he surely had it coming.

I sling the vegetables back in the freezer and limp upstairs, knocking back some Tylenol and falling down onto the bed, trying not to think about how much trouble I'm in. I haven't had many fights over the years, but it's always a huge fucking drama with Esme and Carlisle. Oh hell, I'll probably be grounded, and the concert's on Friday…fuck fuck fuck. I crawl under the quilt and try not to think about anything at all.

Esme waits until Carlisle gets home before they confront me. Obviously I'm in deep shit at school and some teacher's been on the blower. Esme's close to tears and Carlisle's full of stern hypocritical horseshit about letting myself down more than them and damaging my chances of a recommendation to an Ivy League College. Oh right, he's panicked I'm becoming a complete fuck-up and I'll end up commuting to Seattle U from Forks, cluttering up the house indefinitely and competing for Esme's attention. That's so not going to happen Daddy dearest, rest assured.

And there's crap about Newton possibly laying assault charges (oh great, another reason for Chief Swan to hate me), and maybe I'll be suspended from school.

I glower sullenly and can't give them an adequate explanation. "I had to hit him because he was insulting Bella" doesn't quite cut it, and I won't give the details when Carlisle demands them.

I beat Newton up because he was talking about Bella having girl-on-girl sex but actually I was pissed with myself for publicly making out with both her and Jake - you know, Jake, the big Quileute biker dude from the rez - at the illicit party we had here that weekend you were in Portland. And as a result of all that, Bella's copping flack from fucktards like Newton so I had to pound him to a pulp.

Honesty, not the best policy in this case. Kant can go stick his categorical imperatives up his ass.

Esme manages to insinuate that it's all Bella's fault and that she's a bad influence on me, which nearly sets me off again. I bite back a harsh retort and just repeat flatly that it's not Bella's fault, I just lost my temper because Newton was being an asshole. Carlisle tells me to watch my language and I manage not to hit him, showing remarkable self-restraint, really.

Finally I'm dismissed and crawl back to my room. There's a meeting with the principal tomorrow, with Esme in tow. Carlisle has to work, thank fucking Christ. And I'm grounded apart from school. Shit shit shit.

Bella calls me on my cell later on, and she's pissed with me as well. I let her rave on for a while, holding the phone away from my ear and just feeling numb. A dumb kids' rhyme meanders across my brain: nobody loves me, everybody hates me, I'm going down the garden to eat worms. Appropriate, as apparently I've been acting like a five year old, according to Bella. Finally she runs out of steam.

I haven't much to say to her, I'm too wrapped up in my own black, self-pitying mood. Obviously I won't be going to the concert on Friday, and, just my fucking luck, she's talked Charlie around to the late night outing in Seattle with Jake. Just what I fucking need: Bella and Jake on a date while I'm grounded. I mutter something surly and she chews off my ear again.

Yeah, it's my fault, it's all my fucking fault alright? IT'S ALL MY FUCKING FAULT! I end the call abruptly before the shouting in my head starts coming out of my mouth.

So I curl up under the quilt and clamp on my headphones with Nine Inch Nails cranked up to the max. Fuck everything.

I don't realise he's there until I feel the quilt dragged off me. I whip around, startled, pulling off the headphones and it's fucking Jake, up the goddam fire escape again. I look at the clock and it's 11:05.

Very mixed feelings and I lie there, staring up at him, pissed and tired and feeling kind of invaded.

"Jeez, Edward, what happened?" He crouches down by the bed and touches my cheek gently.

I flinch away. "Don't-"

"OK, OK, sorry. But what-?"

"Newton. Bad-mouthing Bella again. I lost it, had a go at him. He got a couple of swipes in."

Jake goes and checks that the door's locked then he sits on the bed. "Shit, Eds, you're a mess. I hope he's looking worse."

"Yeah. He's looking worse." Thanks for saying I'm a mess, Jake. I roll on my side, away from him.

"Hey, Eds." His hand's on my neck, squeezing the muscles, feeling how tense I am. "Some shitty day, huh?" He massages the back of my neck and up into my hair. I'm all knotted up inside but I can't help pressing back against his hand, it feels so good. Forcing my injured lips to stay closed so as to bite back a pathetic whimper as his thumbs dig into my shoulders.

He kicks off his boots and eases me over onto my front, prone on the bed, straddling me as his fingers probe and knead. Pulling off my T-shirt and working on my shoulder blades and back muscles as I sigh into the pillows, some of the tension leaching away.

He reaches around and undoes my jeans, pulling them off. I hear his own leathers falling to the floor as he undresses quickly. Then he's back, straddling my thighs, his cock pressing on my ass as he leans forward, kneading and stroking my back.

The massage is good but I don't feel right. I'm still too mixed up, too angry and hurt and I feel suffocated, face down on the pillows with Jake's weight pressing me to the bed. He starts to run his hands over my ass, his fingers dipping into my crack and I can't stand it any more.

"No Jake, just get the fuck off me!" I buck him off and sit up. "I've been fucked over enough today, and I'm not in the mood to take it up the ass tonight."

"Yeah?" He eyes my cock which seems to be thoroughly in the mood. "What'd I do to fuck you over?"

The bitterness wells up as I snarl at him. "How about angling to screw Bella and taking her that concert Friday night, for starters? I'm in deep shit, I'm grounded so no way I can go. But hey - you two go and have yourselves a lovely time. She talked Charlie around."

"Man, talk about the green-eyed monster. It doesn't occur to you that you're the one that got yourself into this fucking mess? And it's just a concert, not an all-night fuckfest. Or am I not allowed to spend any time with your girl at all now? Fuck you, Edward."

We're both breathing hard and staring each other down and he's right, she's my girl and I don't want him going on dates with her, sex or no sex. And I really don't want him fucking her, that's for fucking sure.

I lurch forward on my knees and push him back down on the bed, pinning his arms as I glower at him. No damn kissing, my lip's too fucking sore.

"Fuck you, Black, can't you see? I'm a fucking mess right now so back off from Bella 'cause I just can't stand it. I don't give a shit if it's unfair, I'm losing it here. I'm facing a suspension, maybe assault charges and I'm on fucking lockdown for Christ knows how long. I am so. Not. In. The mood. To be fucked over."

Jake stares up at me, pupils wide and dark. He arches up then so his cock touches mine and we're both rock hard. Whispering. "You're in the mood to fuck me though aren't you, Eds?"

"Don't fucking call me Eds" I growl but he's grinding against me and he's right, I do want to fuck him. "I want to top. I want to fuck you hard, I'm not in the mood for fluff tonight."

He stares right back at me, stroking my ass and rubbing his cock against mine. His voice is hoarse. "Yeah, fuck me, Edward, fuck me hard. I want you inside me."

And I'm gone, swept away on the hot tide, barely able to grab the lube and a condom, my hands shaking with need until Jake takes the package from me and rolls the rubber onto my erection. I'm so sensitive that I cry out when he touches my cock, pressing the palm of my hand across my mouth to muffle the sound and flinching again as my lip hurts.

I slick my fingers with lube and just push them into him, one, then two, and he gasps and clutches the quilt, bucking up as I ram them deeply into him. I feel the swelling of his prostate and stroke it as I fuck him and he thrashes violently, arching backwards and groaning.

"Fucking keep it down, Jake," I growl and he whines, grabbing a pillow and biting it as his hips move helplessly.

No, not this way, I want to take him. I pull my hand out and turn him, up on his knees and forearms, head hanging down, his long hair spilling on the bed. I slick my cock with my lubed hand and kneel between his thighs, steadying his hips as I push myself into him hard, in one long thrust. No pausing, no checking if he's OK, I just have to fuck him and a moan rips from me as his tight heat closes around my cock, sucking me in. Fuck that's good.

Jake whimpers and his hips pump and I'm ramming myself into him in a frenzy, pulling his hips back hard against me, rearing up and pounding into him. Sweat runs down between my shoulder blades and my bruised foot hurts but I don't care, I just have to bury myself inside him, to take him and fuck him and own him.

I arch forward and mutter in his ear, telling him what I'm doing and what I'm going to do, and he writhes beneath me, excited. Fuck you so hard, gonna make you come, gonna come inside you.

He's biting the pillow and sobbing, bucking back onto me and pumping his cock with his hand as my back curls like a rutting dog and I jerk into him like a machine, lost in the rush as the need swells and bursts, filling my groin with fire and flooding out of my cock as I come with a shuddering moan.

I collapse onto Jake, slick against his back and I feel him spasm into his hand as we fall to the bed in a sweaty heap.

And falling into sleep soon after, because I've had it with today, I want out.

Chapter Text

Bella

I'm sitting outside the principal's office in an uncomfortable plastic chair. I cross my legs to stop jittering, but it's not working and Mrs Frump his secretary gives me a nasty look as I kick the chair's legs surreptitiously. Not her real name, fuck knows what that is, but it suits her, peering at me with her mousy hair and thick spectacles, her breasts (troubling thought) welded by some unseen industrial-strength harness into one solid shelf under a lumpy brown hand-knitted sweater. I bare my teeth at her, attempting a grin but probably just looking unbalanced. She sniffs, pursing her lips, and returns to bashing at a keyboard.

What the fuck is going on in there with Edward and his Mom?

Finally I'm called in and I park myself in another uncomfortable plastic chair beside Esme. I'm sure it's a goddam ploy to keep us feeling on edge - the big guy behind the desk has a padded leather swivel number of course. Edward's looking down, arms folded and very subdued, on his best behavior but with the usual sullen edge which won't be helping. Esme's unhappy and she shoots me a dirty look. Why? What did I do? No, don't answer that. Well, I didn't beat up Michael fucking Newton. Wanted to, though.

The principal's rambling on about Edward's story being that he hit Mike because Mike insulted me, and can I shed any light on that? I allow myself a brief moment of silent fury at Edward for losing it after I told him not to and putting us in this embarrassing situation. Shit - how can I explain that Edward probably punched Newton because we gave him the ammo to bully us about a public display of deviant affection? Stick as close to the truth as possible and play the bullying card I guess - it's a hot topic these days with hall posters exhorting us to report harassment and tragic tales on TV of kids driven to suicide by text message nastiness.

"I'm afraid it's true Sir," I say quietly, trying to sound timid and easily bullied. "I haven't been here that long, and Mike…he…he came on to me soon after I arrived…" I manage to blush on order at this point, a handy reflex to have sometimes. "And I turned him down. He hasn't taken it well and he keeps…harassing me." I ramp up the blush and squirm in my seat a bit. "Edward and I…well recently we've started…dating...."

Esme shoots me a quick sidelong frown, not happy about that at all, no siree.

"Anyway, Edward gets…upset…when Mike bullies me." Nice going, slipped in the B word. "I don't know exactly what Mike said about me in the locker room but it's usually…" I'm staring at my hands which are folded tightly in my lap, the knuckles white, and putting a faint sniffle in my voice, "…that, that I'm…a whore…or a lesbian…"

Oooh, the L word as well. That's made the adults uncomfortable and the principal clears his throat nervously. Edward glances at me to check I am acting and I'm not really too upset. I don't make eye contact but he seems reassured.

"Yes, well. A pity you didn't report this sooner Miss Swan. Hmmph. Well, it seems that there was some provocation Mr Cullen, but it's not acceptable to resort to violence. One more infraction of this type and the consequences will be far more serious. As it is, you're suspended until Monday and you'll have Saturday detention for four weeks, starting this weekend. Eight a.m. to noon and bring homework to keep you busy. Is that clear?"

Edward grimaces but he doesn't argue, just nods his head. Esme thanks the principal, gives me another filthy look as though I'm single-handedly responsible for her baby boy's woes, and we escape past Mrs Frump who eyes me suspiciously as we file out into the hall. Fucking Edward's got them all twisted around his goddam pinky, it's very annoying.

Esme isn't going to give us any leeway to talk in private, standing there clutching her purse as though she's having a hard time not bashing me over the head with it. Edward and I mutter "bye" awkwardly and I head back to class as Esme frog marches him out to the parking lot.

Oh well, it could have been worse. Newton must have gotten hauled over the coals as well and I hear later via the gossip machine that his father got called in for a meeting too. Apparently there'll be no charges laid with my counter-allegations of bullying and sexual harassment muddying the water. Thank Christ - the last thing I need is Charlie getting involved.

I call Edward that night and tell him the news: he sounds relieved.

"Saturday school, huh?" I try to be sympathetic, but really I'm cursing inwardly about how this will mess up our plans for the weekends.

"Yeah." He sounds glum. "But you'll still do the sleepover thing with Alice, right? I'll be back home for the afternoons so we can still…"

"Well, but we're going to have to be very fucking careful, the way Esme was glaring at me."

He laughs shortly. "Mmm. Not the best way to announce we're dating, while being keel-hauled by the principal. Esme's definitely going to take some careful handling. But once they're all in bed at night, Bella, then it'll be OK. They never come up to my room when it's late. Alice's got a day-bed in her room, a sort of divan - that's where Esme'll put you. No way she'll put you in the guest room along the hall from my room - she doesn't trust either of us." I can hear him smirking. Well, he's resilient, I'll give him that.

"OK, so once it's safe I'll sneak out and come upstairs. But I want to stay and sleep with you both. I mean really sleep - you know…"

"Yeah, I want that as well. Just have to use the alarm to wake us up early enough. No-one gets up before eight at the earliest on Sundays anyway. Jake'll have to sneak out down the fire-escape around then."

"Oh, is that how he gets in? And how much practice has he had at that then?" I'm not sure what I feel about them having late night trysts. Kind of turned on, actually. Not sure why it doesn't upset me more, Edward being with Jake, but it seems so different to what we have, separate somehow. Mostly it just makes me hot to imagine them together.

"Umm, a couple of times…not much…you know it's not the same as when we…what we…"

"Yeah, I know." We're quiet for a while but it's a good silence, warm.

"I want you so much…" Edward whispers. "Can't wait for Saturday, to touch you again, to hold you and kiss you. Fuck, I love kissing you, Bella, you taste so good."

"Yeah…miss you too. So much." I hear a faint, needy whimper in my voice. God I'm pathetic, I'm completely fucking gone on him, even though he's an idiot. "Please don't get into any more fights, Edward, please. I hate to see you hurt."

"No, I won't - I'm sorry, I fucked up." He sounds so miserable I can't bear it.

"Yeah, you're a fuck-up but you're my fuck-up, alright? I love you, Edward." My voice is rough.

I hear him suck his breath in sharply, then he sighs as he whispers "And I love you, so much, you can't imagine. I'm your fuck-up, baby, always..."

We listen to each other's breathing. This is real, this is what matters.

"Bella? This thing with Jake…and us?" He sounds uncertain.

"Yeah. I don't know…" It's a mess. How did we let it get this complicated? "I don't want to hurt him, but I don't think we can all…I don't think you can cope with Jake and me…can you? And I don't think I even want that any more. But when we're all together it's really good, so fucking exciting." I feel ashamed. It seems so wrong to just…what? Use Jake for sex? But I do feel more for him than that, I feel affection and a kind of love, just not the same as it is with Edward. Nowhere near the same if I'm honest.

"You don't want that? You and Jake?" God, he sounds so hopeful, as though a weight's been lifted off him. I hadn't realised quite how hard it had been for him and I feel guilty.

"No, I've been thinking. I won't go to that concert with him. I don't mind you and Jake…getting it on sometimes. Shit, it turns me on to think about it. And it's hot to have him with us, all three of us. But no, I don't really want to be with him alone, it'd feel like I was…was cheating on you somehow. Damn, this makes no sense at all and I'm kind of pissed off that you've somehow ended up getting it on with both of us. How the fuck did you pull that off, Cullen? Man, you're sneaky." I am sort of pissed, but it's as much with myself as with him and I'm amused as well. He hears it in my voice.

"Yeah, well I suspect I'd better be very careful what I say now, 'cause you're being much more understanding about it than I've any right to expect. You're just so goddam sexy, both of you." There's a pause and I can almost see the crooked smile. "Does it really turn you on so much to think about Jake and me together?" he sounds curious, and not a little turned on himself.

I make sure my door's locked and lie down on the bed. "Yeah." My voice is deeper than usual. "It's really hot seeing you kiss and imagining what you do…together."

"Well you've seen us do some things, but why don't I tell you, baby?" His voice is soft and intense and it makes me bite my lip.

Oh fuck yes, tell me, Edward. "Yes…" I whisper.

"Shall I tell you what we did at the motel? You've been dying to hear about it haven't you, baby, you want all the details, don't you?"

I can't speak, I just make a whimpering noise.

"Yeah, Bella, touch yourself while I tell you" he whispers and my hand slides down my old cotton top and I slip off my panties. Fuck, I'm so wet already, as his voice curls out of the handset into my ear, soft and seductive.

"First I took off all his clothes, and mine too and you know how beautiful he is, and his cock's so big, Bella, it's so big and when I stroke it it gets so fucking hard."

I moan helplessly, my fingers busy between my legs. So big, so hard, oh fuck…

Edward's voice is a little ragged now. "I pushed him back on the bed and I took that beautiful cock in my mouth, Bella. You know how it feels don't you, baby? You've had him in your mouth too. He's so hot and silky and that vein down the underside…uhhn…" We're both panting now and I have to swallow, my mouth's watering at the thought of having Jake's cock in it, twitching and straining as I swallow him down.

"Yeah, so I sucked his big, hard, hot cock, baby, I licked him and sucked him and I ran my tongue around the head and he was quivering in my mouth like an animal, like his cock was alive…oh fuck, Bella…so fucking hot…" He's moaning and gasping now and I'm so close but I drag my hand away and stop myself.

"Wait, wait, not yet, Edward, stop." I hear him moan with frustration then his breathing calms a little.

"Tell me what he did to you, Edward. Tell me if he fucked you." I'm beyond shame, so completely turned on I don't care.

"Yeah he did, a bit later. Even a seventeen year old needs a little recovery time you know." He's still breathing heavily and I can hear the grin. "Shall I tell you what happened? Would you like to hear how he fucked me?"

"Yes…God yes…" Whispering again.

"Well he put a rubber on, you'll be glad to know, and we had some lube. It hurts too much without it. Have you ever been fucked in the ass, Bella?"

"N-No, never…"

"Mmmm. Have to do it some time, it's good baby, promise, but I'd have to prepare you a bit. God you'd be so tight, so hot…fuck…" He's breathing fast again, his words a heated whisper. "Fuck, where was I, yeah, so…Jake. So I was lying on my face on the bed, kind of wasted after he'd sucked me off as well. And I felt him lying alongside me, half across my back and his hand stroking my ass. Then he was pressing his fingers into my crack and I felt the wetness of the lube. He stroked around my asshole and pushed his finger in just a little, and then further and further until it was deep inside me. Fuck he's got big fingers, Bella, and then he pushed another finger in as well and they were so slippery and sliding up inside my ass and making me hard again…oh Jesus it felt good…and there's a place in there - it's kind of like your G-spot - and he found it and stroked it and it drove me fucking wild, baby, I was so hot and hard again, moving on his fingers…oh fuck…"

He moans and so do I and I have to slide my fingers back down again and touch myself, almost coming on contact and I'm so fucking close as he whispers, his voice hoarse, panting now.

"He pulls me up on my knees and I feel his cock pressing, all slick and it's so big, baby, it's so big but he pushes it in and waits for me to adjust because it hurts a bit, but he's moving now, in and out and he's so big he fills me so completely, pushing in more and more and the head of his cock finds that place and slides across it and I can't tell you how good…fuck Bella…so good as he just fucks me deep and fucking hot and so hard up inside me…oh yes…oh baby…so good to be fucked hard…oh fuck I'm coming!"

And we moan together, my fingers thrusting inside me as I arch and writhe, his cries smothered in the bedclothes as we both drop our phones and lose ourselves in the frantic moment.

The drawback with phone sex is that you're apart afterwards, when the red mists clear. That's when you feel a bit cold and exposed and your brain kicks in again with all sorts of awkward conscious bullshit. Usually its OK because you can hold each other and kiss and be reassured that everything's still alright, but we're miles apart on our separate beds as we pick up our phones again and wonder what the hell to say next after that little escapade.

"Ummm, yes. Bella? You there? Erm, baby?"

"Yeah, I'm here, Edward. Damn, I want to be in your bed with my arms around you. That was…amazing, thanks."

I hear him sigh with relief. "Jesus. I got kind of carried away again, was worried I'd gone too far - you know, the whole chicken, not just a feather."

I grin. "Yeah, well it was pretty much a whole poultry experience but I liked it. Fuck that was hot."

We're quiet for a bit, just breathing. "Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"About the weekend. Could we still study with Jake? He's really worried about that test you know. But he's working on the boats at the weekend, fishing. He could bring me over at six though for the sleepover and we could still do some study in the evening. Could you…would you talk to Esme and Carlisle about it?"

He thinks for a bit. "I can try. You know I'm worried Carlisle'll say something…something shitty to Jake. And the biker thing too, that'll freak them out. Can you get Jake to change out of the leathers at your place and leave the bike there? If he comes with you in the truck I can say he's your friend. Maybe they'll accept that more readily."

"OK, I'll talk to Jake. You're not going to tell them he's from the rez, are you?"

"No, fuck, it shouldn't be an issue and I'm not going to ask their goddam permission, not about that. Carlisle can get fucked. He'd better not give Jake a hard time, though."

"Esme's not going to be a pushover either you know, she was giving me some pretty nasty looks. Reckon she thinks I've corrupted her boy."

"Yeah well, Esme and me, that shit's been brewing for a while. Got to cut the apron strings sooner or later. Not that right now would be the best timing for a showdown with her with me already in the doghouse." He sighs.

"No, I guess not. So we'll try to get Jake and me over for an evening study session - where, downstairs somewhere?"

"The living room I guess - the others'll most likely be in the TV room."

"OK. Then I'll stay on for the sleepover with Alice - Alice already got Esme to say yes to that. Course, that was before the dating revelation in the principal's office - bet Esme wishes she hadn't said yes now, but it'll be hard for her to back out just because you fucked up, right? But maybe you should talk to Alice, you know?"

"Yeah, I'll get her on side. I'll tell her what Newton actually said."

"So what was that anyway?"

"Pretty much exactly what you told the principal, but in cruder terms."

"Fucktard."

"Yeah, he's a prince. But I'm deaf to his shit now, OK? I learned the hard way."

"Good, he's not worth the hassle. Alright, so Saturday. Jake'll need to head home after the study session, I guess in my truck, right? That's good as it gives him an excuse to collect me on Sunday and we can do some more study then. Or wait, no, he'll be on the boats again, damn."

"Alice can run you home if you can't wait til he gets free at six. But you know he won't really go home on Saturday night, Bella, he'll park the truck and meet us up in the room."

"Yeah, I figured as much. We're going to have to talk some more you know, about all this…us and Jake. He's not going to be thrilled if he can't…if I won't. I mean, it is pretty goddam unfair."

"Life's unfair. If he wants out then that's his choice. You think he will…er…break up with us?"

"Shit, I don't know. Maybe. Fuck knows he ought to." A huge yawn grips me and sets Edward off too. "You should get some sleep, Edward, you must be exhausted."

"Slept most of the day, it's what I do to get away from stuff I can't handle. But yeah, I am tired, and you need your rest. Talk to you again tomorrow? Promise no whole chickens."

"Damn, and I was looking forward to the next installment." I grin drowsily. "OK fuckup, sleep tight."

"Yeah, love you too, O corrupter of innocents."

"Shut it with the dirty talk or we'll be here all night."

I make a kissing noise and clamshell the phone, rolling over under the comforter and drifting into sleep, imagining Edward curled warm against my back, his breath soft on my neck.

Chapter Text

Jake

I'm out back after school on Friday, tuning up Sophie, when I hear her old truck rumble to a stop on the road. I'm not expecting Bella yet, just trying to call her to finalise plans for the concert later on. I realised this morning that we wouldn't be able to take the Volvo now, and it was looking like a long trip on Sophie or in Bella's old truck - hell, I'm not even sure her decrepit vehicle could make it there and back. So I figure I'd better talk to Bella and I leave her a couple of texts - but instead of texting me back, here she is in person.

My heart speeds up a little as I walk round the side of the house to meet her. She's clambering awkwardly down from the truck and this frilly sort of skirt she's wearing hikes up as she slides down, giving me a brief flash of thigh-high stockings and pink boy shorts before she smooths it down, a bit flustered. Oh damn, that's causing some containment issues in the Levis as I try to think of anything else but Bella's sweet thighs and ass. Shit, not working. I jam my hands in my pockets and hold the front of my jeans out a little in a desperate concealment attempt, leaning against the corner of the house and trying to look nonchalant.

"Bella - hi. Did you get my texts then? About tonight?"

She startles a little, then turns and heads across the grass toward me.

"Oh! Jake, I didn't notice you there. Umm, yeah, got the texts, but I wanted to see you."

She looks a little odd - is she anxious? She's biting her lip. I'm getting a bad feeling suddenly, a thin, cold trickle of fear down my spine and the problem in my groin vanishes. I go to meet her and I can't help myself, I reach out and run my fingers down the curve of her cheek and lean in for a quick kiss, hand in her hair. She lets me hug her but I can feel she's tense about something.

"Always happy to see you, Bells, you know that." I whisper against her hair, but she's pulling back again.

"Jake - I can't go to the concert!" she blurts out.

"Oh. Well...no harm done cos I was gonna get the tickets there and I guess it would have been more difficult than we'd expected, without Edward's car. I was thinking, your truck probably won't go the distance, and it's a long, cold ride on Sophie-"

She cuts off my rambling attempts to hide my disappointment. "Yeah, but that's not really why. Damn - is there somewhere we can talk Jake? Alone?"

Billy's inside and he'll want to say Hi at some point, but that can wait so I lead her around to my workshop out back where there's a decrepit sofa made from an old Chrysler's bench seat, and a couple of cheap plastic chairs. It's next to the beer cooler and Quil, Embry and I hang out here a lot. It's not very warm so I flick on an old fan heater.

"Want a beer?" She nods and I get us both one from the fridge, popping the tab before I hand hers to her.

Bella sits down on the worn vinyl car seat and I take one of the chairs. The bad feeling ratchets up a notch and there's a tightness in my throat. I wait for her to spit it out, staring at the can, cold and heavy in my hands.

"You know about Edward and the fight?"

"I saw him Wednesday night. He's pretty messed up."

I look up at her, wondering if she knows that "saw him" means fucked him. Or he fucked me, anyway. I shiver a little, remembering how intense it was, trying not to let it show as she gives me a troubled stare, still biting her lip. I want to smooth her poor abused lip with my thumb, but I don't move.

"Yeah, that asswipe Newton again. Edward's got Saturday school the next four weekends in the mornings, but it sounds as though there won't be any assault charges. He probably got off lightly, but his parents are furious and he's on lockdown."

"Uh-huh, he said that. He was pretty pissed. He didn't want us going to the concert by ourselves - is that what this is about?"

She squirms, glancing off so as to avoid my eyes and noticing a calendar from the local gas station featuring a tousled blond in a lime green postage stamp bikini. Her huge tits are resisting gravity in an unnatural manner as she poses, pouting, on the hood of a Lexus.

"Nice wall decoration, Jake," she says in a snarky voice. "She looks like a real mechanical expert..."

I won't be distracted. "Is it? He's a jealous prick. Are you going to let him run your life, Bells?"

She's angry now, glaring at me, her cheeks pink. So fucking gorgeous. "No-one runs my life except me, Jake, and that includes you."

"Yeah, yeah, you're a regular Gloria Steinem, I know." I grin to placate her and take a swig of beer, wiping my mouth on the back of my hand. Girls these days, so goddam touchy. Sheesh.

Her eyes narrow but she calms down a bit. "I know he's jealous, but it's more than that, Jake. There's something he won't tell me about, something that happened when he was young I think. It keeps him...insecure somehow. And he's on such a short fuse - can't you feel the anger in him just bubbling below the surface?"

I flush, remembering Wednesday, his rage as he took me and how much I liked him being dominant, how much it turned me on. I shift a little in the chair, my cock twitching, stiffening. No, don't think about that, think about cold showers, icebergs, glaciers, snowstorms. Not working. I hold the chilled can between my legs on the edge of the chair, pressing it to my crotch which shrivels immediately. Fuck that's cold.

"Jake? Are you OK?"

"Yeah," I mutter, trying not to wince and taking another swig of beer now the groin's deflated. "I see it too - the anger. He hasn't told me what it's about either. But that's no excuse - just because he's got some fucked-up past doesn't mean he's the boss of you...or me." Unless he's in my bed and I want it that way.

She frowns. "No, of course not - I agree that's no excuse. It's just...I don't want to hurt him, Jake. I love him."

She turns those eyes on me full-beam, pleading. Not fair, using dirty tactics as the breath hitches in my chest and I'm caught in her gaze like goddam road-kill.

I chug down the last of the beer and crush the can in my hand, channeling my frustration into the soft metal. "Yeah, you love him. Got that. So what's that mean for us, then? Is there an 'us'?" I look away at Sophie, caring too much about her answer to meet her eye.

"I...I don't know Jake. I do care about you, and the time we had together, all three of us, that was really special. It was so exciting...and it felt good and made me happy, to love you both." Her voice sounds pleading now, but it hurts that she doesn't really want me, just me, she doesn't really love me.

"But," I say bitterly. "Go on, say it, I can hear the 'but' in your voice. 'I love you, Jake, but'..."

"Yeah, I'm sorry..." Her voice trails off.

So quiet in the room I can hear the surf breaking on First Beach, the trees outside creaking in the breeze. A piece of loose plastic over the window flaps as I struggle to control my feelings. I can't stay still so I get up and walk across the room, throwing the crushed can hard into a corner. I lean my head on the rough wooden joists and speak into the wall, miserable and angry.

"So what am I then? Just a fuck toy for you and Edward?"

She sucks her breath in. "No! How can you say that!"

I whirl around and stare her down, tears pricking the corners of my eyes. "Because it's fucking true, Bella. Edward just wants to fuck me cos he likes getting it on with guys, and you want the thrill of kinky threesomes. Neither of you give a flying fuck about what I want, how I feel." I know it's not really that simple and I'm acting like a spoiled, whiny child but I'm past being sensible. I turn away again and slam my fist into the joist, making the wall vibrate. Old, tired bile from way back wells up in me and spills over. "Of course you'd choose a rich white doctor's son over me, I'm just a no account kid from the rez who's got no cash and who's never likely to amount to much. You're just like all the rest of them, Bella when it comes down to it, even if Charlie and Billy are friends."

Then she's behind me, flailing at my back with her small hands, furious, with her hair all wild.

"Fuck you, Jacob Black, how dare you say that? This has got nothing to do with you being Quileute and you fucking know it. You've got a fucking nerve, accusing me of that, you asshole. And I do care about you, I do, and Edward does too, it's just that this thing between him and me is stronger, it's like nothing I ever felt before. But I do love you you stupid jerk, I loved you like a friend for years but lately, lately... it's more than that. It's just that I can't...and Edward...and it's such a fucking mess...oh Jake!"

And I'm turning and she's in my arms, sobbing against my chest, and tears are running down my cheeks as well as I hold her. I'm so fired up I can't help myself, I bend and lift her, carrying her to the makeshift couch and sitting with her in my lap, straddling me as I hold her face and kiss her deeply, passion and pain and rage and longing in the kiss as I strain against her and press her down on my swollen cock. I'm so hard and I want her and I don't care if she's using me, I don't care if it's a pity fuck, I just don't care.

Bella's kissing me back but we have to break for air. Then she's pulling away, muttering no Jake, we mustn't but I take no notice and my hand's behind her head, my mouth back on hers again, tongue busy and insistent, not letting her say no, not letting her think. My hand's up under her skirt and I'm pushing the soft fabric of her shorts aside, stroking her, sliding my fingers inside her as she whimpers protests into my mouth. At first she struggles vaguely to avoid my touch but her movements only cause her to arch and rub against me and soon she's moving with my hand, her hips bucking as my thumb slides across her clit and she moans helplessly, protest forgotten.

Her eyes are glazed and her mouth's open as I fuck her with my fingers. She's gasping and clutching my shirt then she pulls it open and leans in, sucking on my nipple and fire washes through me, making me push up hard against her as her small arms go around my chest...oh fuck, Bella, please... and oh Jesus her hot wetness sucking my fingers in.

I wrench the Levis down frantically and find a condom in my jeans jacket pocket, rolling it on while still kissing her, trying to stop her from having second thoughts the moment I stop touching her. She pulls back though, her legs quivering and her mouth's by my ear and she's gasping no Jake, no stop we can't. But we can and we are and we have to, I have to and I push up her skirt again and rip off her shorts in desperation, holding her captive as I stroke and finger her until she's grunting and arching and there's no more no Jake it's all yes yes oh please.

I part her legs wider and taking the shaft of my cock I rub circles around her clit with the glans, making her rut against me, eyes closed, lost in sensation. Her hand comes down over mine on my erection, and she's rubbing the head against her, up and down her wet slit as she pumps her hips and pants, her head falling back, mouth open.

She shifts her hips then and sinks down on me...oh fuck that's good...she's so slippery and hot and I just let go and pump her sweet cunt for all I'm worth, thrusting up inside her as I shut my eyes and grip her tightly to me, my mouth on her mouth, my hand on her hips, impaling her with my tongue and my hard cock.

The blood's beating in every part of me and I'm filled with fierce triumph because I'm finally doing it, I'm fucking my Bella like I've longed to forever and it's just me and her, no Edward interfering or controlling us. In the back of my mind there's a thread of guilt, a faint whisper that this isn't right and we'll pay for it later. I pull Bella to me and bury the stupid whisper, pounding it away as I thrust myself up into her body with my face in her hair. The waves of pleasure consume me until it all rushes out and I spill inside her, shaking and moaning her name.

I don't stop, still moving and thrusting as I slide my hand between us and caress her clit, flicking it gently and murmuring to her good girl, yes baby, come on baby, that's right until she shudders and falls against my chest, whimpering as her hips buck spasmodically, her head falling slack and heavy into the crook of my neck as I hold her and stroke her tangled hair, telling her it's good, it's OK, it's alright now.

But it's not alright.

Bella

I lie loose on Jake's chest afterwards, exhausted as he strokes me, but my mind's whirling already, the feelings welling up in a confused mass while I catch my breath. Anger with myself and with Jake, and guilt and shame. And anger with Edward because he wanted to have it all - both me and Jake and for us to all fuck each other so what the hell can he expect? That we'd draw the line neatly and not be tempted when we're by ourselves? Not rational though, I know he won't be rational about it, he'll just react.

And I'm afraid as well as guilty, fear coiling in my belly at the thought of telling Edward what's happened, especially the way he is right now, so angry and beleaguered. I think back to what I said on the phone yesterday and it's true - it feels as though I've cheated on him.

I can't process it all or figure out what to do, and hot tears squeeze out and trickle down my face. Jake notices when I sniffle, holding me back and gazing at me with a guilty, questioning look. I pull away from him abruptly, wiping my eyes and huddling on the couch, wrapping my knees in my skirt. I leave him to deal with the condom and clean himself up, hurried and sordid in the aftermath as we stare down the barrel of our actions.

"Bella?" He sounds so lost. "Baby? I - I'm sorry if I made you do something you didn't want to...I know you said no at the start but I...fuck, I just wanted you too much and you seemed to-"

"Yeah well, that's the problem, isn't it Jake?" I'm bitter, focussing on an old stained rug on the concrete floor and shivering a little as I clutch my knees. "Obviously I did want to, or at least I was pretty easy to persuade. You're not such a shit that you'd rape me. But you know he won't be able to cope with it so what the fuck do I do now? Lie to him? Tell him you forced me when you didn't? I don't think so."

"Can we just...not tell him? For a while anyway? Until he's more together?"

"'Secrets and Lies' huh? And when's he going to be together enough to handle this sort of news? The longer it goes without him knowing, the worse it'll be when he finds out. Fuck. FUCK. And I'm such a natural liar as well Jake, so yeah, that'll work..." I bury my head in my knees and groan.

"Jeez, Bella, I don't know." Jake's up and pacing now, running his hands agitatedly through his long hair. "Why does it always have to be all about him? He's the one who started fucking us both and he wanted us all to get together - maybe not as much as me but still, he's not a fucking innocent in all this!"

"None of us are innocent, are we? But shit, Jake, I talked to him yesterday and I came here tonight to tell you that I couldn't go on dates with you, just you and me, or have sex with just you, because it hurts him too much, he can't handle it. And what happens? You get all hurt about that so I end up fucking you anyway! It's me, I'm just so goddam weak. I can't bear to hurt anyone, have to please everyone, have to be liked. I've got no fucking spine and it's all my fucking fault..." I trail off into gulping sobs, rocking, my hands over my face.

Jake sits beside me, pulling me into his arms, his cheek on my hair as he tries to soothe me.

"Don't beat yourself up, Bells, it was my fault. I've wanted you so much for so long I just couldn't hold back and take no for an answer. I knew Edward didn't want this but I just thought fuck him and did it anyway. Oh Jeez, he's going to kill me when he finds out..."

We huddle together, trying find comfort, locked in our mutual guilt and our fear of Edward and for him. Finally I'm a little calmer, though I don't really feel much better, my stomach still clenched and my breathing too fast.

"We have to be practical, Jake. He expects us tomorrow, around six, after you've worked on the boats. The plan is that you'll come to my place and we'll go over together to Edward's in my truck for a study session."

"To Edward's? I thought he didn't want?-"

"He's worried that his folks will get freaked by you on Sophie in all your biker gear. Could you change at my place and leave the leathers behind? It would make things a bit easier."

We both contemplate the idiocy of that - yeah, like Jake not wearing leather is going to make any of this easier. Shit. I shake my head. "Anyway, Edward thinks he can talk Esme and Carlisle round to us coming over to study even though he's on lockdown, as long as we stay downstairs. I mean, him tutoring us in math, it's a good cause, right? Hard for them to say no. That's the plan, anyway."

"So, what? You stay on for the sleepover and I leave - in your truck?"

"Yeah, but you park it nearby and come back - you know, up the fire escape like you do. Shit, why is Edward allowed to be so damn precious about you and me when I can cope with him getting it on with fucking Spiderman at all hours?"

"Maybe he's not allowed to be that goddam precious. Maybe we should just tough it out and force him to deal with it?"

We gaze anxiously at each other, but neither of us looks all that convinced. I'm so not looking forward to this particular heap of shit hitting the fan, when it inevitably does. How could I ever have thought that getting it on with Jake would defuse the situation between me and Edward? It feels like I'm sitting on a lit goddam powder keg.

But we have to get things a bit more back to normal somehow, I can't face telling Edward this weekend, I just can't. Maybe in a while when he's calmer and it's safely in the past he won't take it so badly. Yeah, right. I know I'm deluding myself but I push that away and pretend it'll all work out in the end. It has to - I can't lose Edward, I can't.

So I swear Jake to silence and we straighten ourselves up and go in to see Billy. He chats away readily but I see him giving me considering glances and I feel it's written all over my face. Shit, we probably smell of sex and guilt, the eternal eau de teenager. Billy's not looking too well though, his face is a bit drawn and I wonder if he's having some pain. It can't be easy with the diabetes and being largely confined to a wheelchair. Jake fusses around him but Billy's a bit tetchy and after a while I excuse myself and head home to get dinner organised.

Jake walks me to the truck. He puts a hand on my arm as I'm about to clamber in, and I turn.

"I'm not sorry, Bells...well, I am about Edward and all that, but not about wanting you. I love you too." He takes a deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut for a second then getting himself in control again, his eyes a little too bright, blinking rapidly. "But I know you love him more, so I won't fuck that up. I won't do this again."

"Jesus, Jake, I'm so sorry." I feel like a complete shit, seeing his pain, knowing I'm the cause.

"I'll see you tomorrow and I'll keep...doing what we've been doing...because it's the only way I can be with you. But I don't know how long I can stand it. If I was stronger I'd just fuck off...but there's Billy, he needs me." He swallows. "So I'll take what I can get, and I won't ask you for more."

He pulls me into a rough hug then boosts me up into the cab, his face a mask again. I stare at him miserably then crash the stupid fucking gears, making him wince and grin, and I drive away.

He's still standing there at the curb as I look back in the rear-view mirror, a solitary figure diminishing in size until the houses and trees finally swallow him up.

Chapter Text

Bella

My old truck rumbles down the narrow road to the Cullen place. I've got the headlamps on as it's dark under the trees in the deepening dusk. Jake's slouched beside me in a brooding silence. He's tired after a day on the boats, but he's also pissed that I made him change into jeans and sneakers. He insisted on keeping his beloved leather jacket on, though. We stashed Sophie in my back yard and like most guys, he dislikes being in the passenger seat. But he's too tired to put up much of a fight. We got ourselves some burgers on the way over as I know Esme isn't best pleased about the study date and I don't think she'll feed us as well.

Edward comes out to the front steps to greet us. He grins at Jake and gives me a soft kiss on the cheek, then takes the backpack with our books from me and leads us inside, calling out loudly "We'll set ourselves up in the living room!" as we cross the front hall. The scent of some sort of roasted meat drifts out from the kitchen and I see Jake's nostrils flare. Still up for it after two cheeseburgers and fries, typical guy.

We seem to have the room to ourselves. It's spacious and airy, all white, with green and blue touches in cushions and drapes. There's rather a lovely painting of blue hydrangeas on the wall and I go over to study it, Edward coming up behind me, slightly too close so I can feel him touching me all along my butt and back. It makes my belly clench as he whispers in my ear.

"Do you like it?"

I nod and step away a little - what if his parents come in?

He steps forward again, his hands on my hips, pulling me against him. "Esme painted it. She's quite talented with still lifes."

My groin's feeling warm as his hardness presses into my ass. I twist away from him and he's smirking, the bastard.

"Will you stop that!" I hiss in an irritated whisper. "Esme'll catch us and she already hates me!"

He grins, unrepentant, and winks, licking his lips. "They're still having dinner."

There's a soft snore from the couch and I look over to see Jake subsiding into sleep, sprawled sideways with his head on the cushions and his big sneakered feet still on the floor.

"Damn. He's exhausted after the boats. How are we going to get him to concentrate on studying?" I bend over Jake and stroke his face. "Jake! Wake the hell up, we have to do trig!"

For some reason that inducement doesn't bring him leaping to his feet, raring to go. "And calculus!" Even threats aren't penetrating.

"Coffee, Edward, we need coffee."

"OK. Come in with me and say hello, it might placate them a little."

Doubt it. But I tag along, trying to look like a keen student so desperate about her math grade she'll turn up for study on a Saturday evening. Jeez - how did we ever think they'd buy that story?

The Cullens are finishing dinner at a large table in the roomy kitchen. Carlisle and Esme are at either end, mater- and paterfamilias. Alice and Emmett sit between them with a dirty plate in the fifth setting where Edward obviously ate and ran. Three heads turn our way as we enter, but Emmett just keeps on shovelling in the roast beef.

"Serious coffee lack," says Edward breezily, crossing to the counter and plugging in an electric kettle. "Jake's been on the fishing boats all day and he's worn out."

I blush and fold my arms, looking down. "Hi Mrs Cullen, Dr Cullen. Thanks for letting us come over to study."

Carlisle and Esme's faces are wearing identical sceptical looks. Alice is carefully neutral.

"Bella. Edward said that both you and…Jake…are struggling with math, dear." Esme's tone is smooth as a razor.

"Erm…yeah. Not my best subject, or Jake's. I prefer reading. Novels." I'm feeling a little desperate here, facing the Inquisition. Edward's doing something with filters and a plunger and putting mugs on a tray.

"Really?" Esme sounds as though in her view, the novel has been grossly misnamed. And overrated. She couldn't be more bored with the whole idea of literature. Even Carlisle shoots her a look, and Alice winces slightly. Emmett dissects his roast potatoes and coats a forkful with gravy. "What sort of books do you read, dear?"

"Er…the classics. Wuthering Heights, Romeo and Juliet, Jane Austen…"

"Ah. Romances. How sweet."

Romances? I'm about to launch into a defence of Jane and Emily's novels and explain that romances don't usually end up with a heap of dead bodies like in R&J, but Edward flicks me a cautionary glance. "Sort of. I guess." I subside into sullen adolescence again, leaning on a cupboard and kicking vaguely at the skirting board.

"Careful, Bella dear, you'll scratch the paint. Actually, dear, would you mind terribly taking your shoes off and leaving them at the door? It's just that scuff marks do show dreadfully on the rugs, especially in the living room."

I flush, feeling shabby and resentful. What idiot puts white rugs in a living room anyway? Oh, that'd be Esme.

Edward shoots his mother a poisonous glare which is ignored. Alice has her head down, chasing a few rogue peas round her plate and Emmett's occupied knocking back a glass of Coke. Carlisle's eyes are narrowed and he's got a puzzled air. He's aware that something's going on but he's not sure what. Bet she doesn't make him leave his shoes at the door - probably a rule that only applies to visitors from the wrong side of the tracks. Like cops' kids and boys from the rez. Pity we can't leave cooties on the furniture as a little souvenir.

"Yeah, sure," I mutter, and slouch off, radiating irritation. That went well. I kick my shoes off by the front door and return to the living room. No way am I going into that kitchen again to let Esme slice and dice me.

Still in a bad mood, I punch Jake in the arm. "Wake the fuck up, Jake!"

He snorts, disoriented as he lurches upright. "Wha? Jeez, Bella, watch it, my arms are sore."

"Give me your shoes, we're not supposed to wear them in here," I hiss in a stage whisper. He undoes the laces confusedly and I pull his sneakers off, trying not to breathe through my nose. Jesus, that smell could kill babies and decrepit seniors. Perhaps I should put them outside the front door? Nah, fuck it, let them stink up Esme's hallway.

When I return, Jake's rubbing his eyes sleepily and Edward's pouring coffee from the plunger carafe into mugs.

He looks up at me and shrugs apologetically. "Sorry. I don't know what's gotten into her."

"Yeah? Apart from loathing me, you mean? She's jealous, Edward."

"Oh, I don't think…she just worries about me…"

I snort and grab a mug, adding cream and sugar. Jake sucks down a couple of mugs of strong coffee and gradually perks up, finger-combing his hair and finding a scrap of leather thong to bind it back. He takes off his jacket and slings it across a chair. I groan. He's wearing a black T-shirt with

NDNs
do it
on the rez

on the front. The second N in NDN is reversed like the Nine Inch Nails logo. Nice one Jake, subtle. Still, Carlisle and Esme probably aren't big NIN fans so they may not get it.

We hit the books. Edward's remarkably patient given that Jake's tired and I'm royally pissed, at first anyway. I calm down gradually and find that I'm quite enjoying the way Edward's working with Jake, encouraging him to find the right solutions without spoon-feeding him. It's a side of Edward that I haven't seen before and I like it.

We're on the floor surrounded by opened books and bits of scrap paper with sample workings scribbled across them when Carlisle comes to retrieve the coffee plunger. Or to check on us - I'm sure he and Esme have some sort of surveillance planned. We all look up and Carlisle stops dead, staring at Jake. At Jake's T-shirt in fact, with a baffled frown, his lips almost mouthing the words.

"Jacob. I hadn't realised it was you…"

"Hi, Dr Cullen. Thanks for letting us come over."

"Er, yes…how's your finger?"

"Fine now, thanks." Jake sticks his right middle finger up and moves it to and fro to demonstrate. Unfortunately he does it so that he seems to be flipping Carlisle the bird. I snort, and Edward closes his eyes briefly, biting his lip.

"What? Oh, sorry, I didn't mean..." Jake narrows his eyes at us. "I dislocated it last year on the boats. Caught it in a winch. Anyway, it's good as new."

Edward nods solemnly. "Yes, it certainly does seem to be…fully functional now."

I have to fake a coughing fit to cover my laughter. Mmmm. If Carlisle only knew where that finger had been and what it could do. Jake glares at us, flushing a little.

Carlisle's looking irritated. "So Edward's helping you with math then, Jake?"

"Yeah, he's a pretty good tutor actually."

"He's a smart boy," Carlisle says flatly, managing to imply that Edward's too damn smart for his own good. "In some respects." He gives Edward a disapproving glance. "So are you not getting very good teaching in math then? I guess your school probably can't manage…" He stops there, realising he's getting into dangerous turf as Edward's eyes narrow. "Yes well, I guess your people have other talents apart from math." Like what? Singing round the bonfire? Now we're all looking daggers at him as he backs out, clutching the coffee plunger. "Right. I'll just…" He turns and makes his escape.

"Prick," mutters Edward, slightly too loudly, in his wake.

"'My people'? The fuck he means with his 'my people'?" Jake's mouth is pressed into a bitter line.

Edward runs a hand through his hair, looking stressed. "Ignore him, Jake, he's an asshole sometimes. I'm sorry."

We press on with calculus but it's slow going and after another couple of hours of study we're flagging badly despite a further round of coffee. Jake's pen runs out and I watch idly as he searches through his jacket for a spare, then stops, palming something small and slipping it into his jeans.

He comes back and sits again. Edward looks up. "I'll get you another pen, Jake. Carlisle brings home loads from the pharmaceutical reps."

Jake's looking thoughtful, and eyeing the door to the rest of the house. Carlisle and Esme seem to have gotten bored with the surveillance - no-one's been in for a while. He gestures us closer and leans in.

"I'm not gonna make it through any more study - or the rest of the night's…activities - without a little help. I forgot I had these in my jacket pocket. Got them in Seattle." He shoots another furtive glance at the door and pulls out a tiny plastic bag with two small, flat, pinkish tablets inside. "It's E." He grins at us. "What say we make a night of it? It'd certainly perk us up…in every respect."

I gape at him. "But Jake - E? Here? With Edward's parents breathing down our necks? You're crazy!"

"It's only two tabs for the three of us - not a big dose. So we get a bit chatty and lively and put some music on - is that so weird? Come on, it'll be fun!"

Edward's looking enthusiastic and nodding.

I frown at him: they're as bad as each other. "But…but…what if we keel over and die like you hear about on the news?"

Jake scoffs. "Come on, Bella, that's incredibly rare - probably just some weird reaction like an allergy. Or some kids drink too much water at raves when they get hot dancing - they get water intoxication. We're not gonna do that. It's OK, really. You've never done E before, have you?"

"No." Clearly both Jake and Edward have and are keen to repeat it.

Edward takes my hand reassuringly. "It's fun Bella, really. It's a nice high, happy. And it's good for…enjoying yourself." He winks and Jake snorts.

I frown at them. I'm really not sure, but I'm curious, and people do say it's fun, and I don't want to be left out…shit. A small voice inside me says and if we're all wasted, Edward can't expect me to have a heart to heart about what happened yesterday with Jake, can he? Especially as he wanted me to take it? I push the whisper down, but it's tempting. I bite my lip, then I nod. "Well, OK."

Edward and Jake have a low-voiced technical discussion about dividing the tablets. Edward insists he should do it as he's best at math. Jake says how hard can 2 into 3 be? Or is it 3 into 2? In the end Jake lets Edward take charge as he can go upstairs and use a blade in the privacy of his room.

He returns with small heaps of pinkish crumbs, in three paper twists. We sit in a circle cross-legged and knock our dose back, washing the bitter taste down with cold coffee. Bleh. Edward raids the kitchen and brings us sodas.

We try to focus on some more homework but we're too keyed-up and after a while we give up and just fool about with the CDs on the bookshelf, discussing the pros and cons of Frank Sinatra and Duffy. I find I'm watching myself, trying to detect any sign that the E's taking effect, but I feel the same as ever. A bit on edge, but that's just anticipation. I watch Jake and Edward but they seem pretty normal too.

Edward sees me staring at him. "It'll take a while, Bella - it always takes longer than you think. At least an hour." He looks at his watch. "We only took it half an hour ago - it's only 9:15. Hmmm." He looks across at Jake. "Maybe you should make like you're heading off now and Bella can go do the Alice sleepover thing and get her bed sorted out. She can pretend to be worn out from studying. And I'll have an early night." He grins. "That'll impress them. Then by the time it's kicking in we'll be regrouping upstairs."

I'm not so sure - I won't be able to get away for a while, not until Esme's gone to bed. I don't want the E affecting me when I'm by myself, or just with Alice. Or worse, when I'm trying to act normal with Esme. I shudder.

Edward sees me chewing my lip. "It's OK, Bella. Esme goes to bed early - about 9:30. If you hang on until ten you'll be fine to sneak upstairs."

So that's what we do. Jake retrieves his sneakers and thanks Carlisle - Esme's already upstairs. He heads off in my truck and I go and find Alice, who's watching TV in her room. She's not in the best mood this weekend as Jasper's away with his folks in Seattle visiting relatives. And because…well…of the three of us. She gives me a few disapproving glances. The day-bed's made up for me and I change into nightclothes, have a wash and brush my teeth. I get into the bed and wriggle about, trying to make it look slept-in, while Alice eyes me cynically, shaking her head.

I can't sleep - don't want to, I'm too excited. Am I feeling it now, or is this still anticipation? I've got Mansfield Park with me but I don't feel like reading so I lie on Alice's big bed, chatting about school and admiring her latest purchases - gold ballet flats and a rather a nice red leather bag decorated with metal studs.

Esme sticks her head in the door and says goodnight, apparently happy that we're doing normal, girly, sleepoverish things. I find I'm feeling very ebullient and manage to be quite pleasant to her. Maybe she's not so bad after all. Maybe it's the drug.

Finally it's about ten and I'm definitely feeling the E. There's a fizzing sensation in my brain and I keep getting distracted by odd details. I'm chatting away with Alice, curious about Jasper and asking her a lot about him, questions I'd usually blush at. I just manage to remember The Plan. Alice has extra pillows in her wardrobe and I stuff the bed with them in case Esme sticks her head in again, trying to make it look realistic. I can't help giggling - really, this is like some dumb Disney movie. Not so PG once you get upstairs though I think. More giggles.

"OK, Alice. I'm fast asleep if anyone looks in - alright?"

"Yeah, right. Anyone less fast asleep would be hard to imagine." Alice rolls her eyes. "Look, Bella, are you sure…?"

"Yeah yeah, sure I'm sure. Thanks. I really appreciate this." I back to the door, a stupid grin splitting my face. Damn - must act normal. I squash the grin and try to look like a responsible teenager about to engage in a consensual threesome. No, that's set me off giggling again. Alice sighs and shakes her head, giving up on me.

A quick peek along the dim landing and I flit to the stairs and up to the third floor. I run lightly along to Edward's door and scratch on it. No-one comes so I try the handle, which opens. Something with a driving beat is playing and I recognise Muse's Map of the Problematique. I lock the door carefully behind me - idiots, anyone could have…

They're on the bed, moving rhythmically in the low golden light of the bedside lamp. Their muscles flex and slide, slick with sweat. Jesus, they didn't waste any time. I stand in the shadows by the door, unsure if they're even aware of me. I don't want to interrupt them so I slide to the floor and watch.

They're both naked. Edward's on his back on the bed, sprawled across it, his back arched, head back and eyes closed, a look of ecstasy on his face. His near leg is raised, hooked around Jake's waist while his other leg's bent tightly back on his stomach, Jake leaning forwards on it as he kneels between Edward's legs. Jake's other hand is gripping Edward's hips, locking their groins tight together. Edward's ass is raised a little and I see him shudder as Jake flexes his hips, back muscles rippling, pushing his cock deeply in and out. Jake groans, his long hair swinging forward across his face.

"Oh…" Edward writhes, his hands clutching the covers. "Yeah, fuck yeah…oh Jesus, fuck me…" He moans again, panting and bucking. He seems to be trying to push himself onto Jake's cock.

Jake's leaning over him now, moving more urgently as he groans "…oh fuck Eds, fuck you feel…oh…oh yes…" Jake's back arches and his head falls back, then he curves forward again, gripping Edward tightly, his hips pumping faster now as he grunts, gasping irregularly.

I'm on my knees and my hand's inside my loose sleep pants, sliding between my legs, touching myself desperately as I watch them. So beautiful, so hot. I open my pajama top and palm my left breast, pinching the nipple as heat wells up in my crotch. God, I'm so wet.

Jake straightens suddenly and shivers, then moans and arches back, his hair wild, eyes closed as he thrusts and shudders, gasping, lost. So lovely, the muscles under his red-brown skin rippling in the lamplight.

I buck in response and feel my own orgasm flood out from my groin, melting my legs and making me tremble and whimper.

Edward turns his head and sees me. His eyes are hooded, his mouth open. He watches me come and reaching down, takes his swollen cock in his hand, pumping it. His eyes shut and his face fills with rapture. I see his hips spasm and he cries out, semen spilling onto his hand and stomach. He's so lovely as he comes and my heart swells. For a moment I can't breathe.

I get a warm washcloth from the bathroom and sit beside them on the bed, cleaning them carefully. Jake's collapsed beside Edward, his head in the crook of Edward's neck, his eyes shut. He shudders lightly as I clean his cock, trying to be as gentle as I can. Edward strokes my breast lazily as I wipe him down, watching me with a smile.

As I return from the bathroom I slip my clothes off beside the bed and crawl across, kneeling between them. I trail my hands down their bodies, still damp with sweat, feeling their abdominals contract as I stroke their stomachs, seeing their hips flex as I run my fingers up the long taut muscles of their legs and trace the deep V of their pelvic girdles.

They reach up and touch my arms, my breasts, my belly, pulling me gently down, skin on skin, mouth on mouth. Sliding against each other, between and across, whispering nonsense, laughing and tickling.

"You're feeling it then?" says Edward, grinning.

"Mmmm." I'm too busy licking his neck, giggling as Jake kisses my ass then runs his tongue up my spine. "Nice."

Jake leans across and takes Edward's mouth, running his tongue around Edward's lips then deepening the kiss as they strain up against each other. I bite Edward's neck gently and he moans, pulling me against his side, his hand sliding down to cup my ass.

Muse is still playing on the iPod. Hoodoo drifts between soft passages and orchestral extravaganzas as I half-listen, Edward's hand between my legs, stroking me, opening me. The music swoops down from a loud crescendo to a quiet lull and suddenly there's a sharp knock on the door.

We all stiffen. Then furious activity as Jake and I grab piles of clothing and dash into the bathroom, turning out the light and pressing ourselves trembling against the cool tiles behind the door.

Oh shit.

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Edward

My favorite bouncer's on the door so for once some damn thing's going right. I don't know his name but he's got a line of Frankenstein's monster stitching tattooed round the middle of his thick neck. Apt enough, he looks only marginally human. But he takes my palmed C-note and lets me in, so he's my BB tonight.

The club seems darker and more sordid than usual, but then it's been a while since I was here, and a few things have happened meanwhile. I shake my head sharply, not wanting to think about things that have happened. Not now. I'm here to obliterate everything, not to remember.

The room does a couple of celebratory laps of its own after my head stops moving. Probably down to the two fat ones I smoked in the car en route to Seattle - my eyes will be red as a fucking vampire. Plus whatever that dusty tablet was that I found in the glove compartment after I'd parked the car. Probably a tranq, but it might have been one of those dud Es that was mostly K. Whatever.

The room's still moving on its own and my knees give way - whoopsie. I grab at something to stay upright. The thing I grabbed turns out to be a person. I realise that I'm clutching his bicep when I feel it flex under my hand like a snake.

"Edward, sweetheart. To what do we owe the pleasure, mon cher?"

"Laurent?" I peer up at him. Fucking Laurent. Jesus, he's bulked up since I last saw him a few months ago, I barely recognised him. And he seems to be wearing some sort of weird leather corset.

"The very same. Looking a little en déshabillé there, Edward. Had a rough night?"

I try to work out what the French means - undressed? So I took the T-shirt off and left it in the car, so what. Still got my jacket on. Wanted to send the right message tonight and there's nothing like naked pecs to send a message in a dive like this. But not to Laurent, never to Laurent.

His voice is slippery, like his arm. He's sweating in the club's heat, probably on some cocktail of substances that would kill anyone else. I go to remove my hand, feeling faintly sick, but his own large paw clamps down on mine, holding me in place.

"But you must let me help you, mon petit Edward. Still so pretty, aren't you, even if you are un peu messed up tonight. But I think I like it - it suits you to be a little rough around the edges. There you are, mon petit - just you sit down and Laurent will look after you."

Somehow he's steered me over to a table at the back of the room, and pushed me into the curved banquette. I try not to touch the velour seat with my hand - it feels faintly sticky and I don't want to know why. It's so dark I can barely see Laurent beside me as he squeezes in as well. I don't want to be here but I don't seem to be in full control of my limbs right now, and the room's still spinning slightly.

But Laurent, shit, not Laurent. He's the definitive antidote to Canuck jokes. Nothing funny about Laurent, even if he is from Toronto. Nothing bland or boring about him. He's the one they warn the twinks to steer clear of in all the clubs. I got warned myself by one of my first hook-ups, a nice enough middle-aged lawyer, not a memorable screw. Laurent is the toxic waste of the gay scene, his body a stew of viruses and chemicals - to which he appears to have added steroids as well, just for kicks. His mind though, that's the really nasty part. They whisper about him in the back rooms - nothing concrete, just shuddering and sideways looks. He likes pain - other people's pain.

There's a drink in front of me and I sniff it suspiciously. Some ghastly anise-scented stuff - absinthe?

"Hate aniseed," I manage to slur out, my tongue also mutinous like my damn legs. "Beer. Want a beer."

"But of course, Edward darling." Laurent has some waitperson trapped, I can see him silhouetted against the fluorescents around the bar, scribbling on a pad. Laurent mutters something and the guy turns away.

"Wait!" I manage to croak. "Heineken. In a can. Unopened."

"Paranoid, aren't we?" Laurent's trying for wry but he sounds a little pissed. Might have dodged a bullet there. Not that anyone needs to slip me a mickey though, I'm managing a pretty good zombie act all by myself. Must get away from Laurent.

But it's too hard to extricate myself from behind the table, especially after one of Laurent's dubious "friends" squeezes in on my other side. He's a fucking beefcake too, they must have roid parties together, kind of like botox parties, shooting each other up. Roid-rages. I laugh foolishly, snorting beer out my nose, drifting in a confused haze of drugs and lager.

It's later, but I've no idea when. Not a lot of idea about where or who either, at this point. There are several cans on the table in front of me, must mean something. It's still dark, still throbbing with harsh techno - all they ever play here. I've surfaced from a dazed stupor, vaguely aware of someone licking the sweat off my neck. He's sucking my collarbone now, and as his shaved head falls lower I see the stark black tatt on the back of his skull - the biohazard sign, like three superimposed handcuffs or pincers. Fucking Laurent - I groan in disgust, but it only seems to encourage him.

"Laurent, no…"

"But yes, Edward," he mutters as he sucks across my chest, his tongue slithering around my nipple. "Wanted you for a long time, cherie, but you play hard to get, no? Teasing poor Laurent, you bad boy."

"Not fucking playing, Laurent!" I slur, trying to writhe away from him. But my body is clumsy and disjointed. I feel like a puppet whose strings have been cut.

He presses me back against the stained velour and kisses me forcibly. He tastes of garlic, aniseed and something sweet and rotten. I can't get away from him as he thrusts his tongue into my mouth, effectively gagging me. And I am gagging, sick at the thought of Laurent's mouth on mine, his tongue invading me. But my jaw has no strength as he pins me to the cushions, slithering his tongue against mine as I choke and moan helplessly.

And then I feel his hand as well, groping under the table. He must have undone my jeans when I was passed out. He worms his hand down and of course I'm not wearing underwear, not that that a pair of fucking shorts would have saved me. My hips move convulsively as he takes me in his big moist hand, but I'm trapped behind the curved table, pinned to the rank, sweaty cushions sobbing strangled, unheard protests into his mouth. It's very dark, and no-one's going to wander by. Back here is where you come when you don't want to be disturbed, when you want to do precisely what Laurent's doing to me. But usually both parties want it, and I don't want this.

There are tears in my eyes - tears of rage, and shame, and I have to breathe through my nose and concentrate on not gagging as Laurent's tongue slides all around mine like a poisonous slug. I make a desperate noise as my cock starts responding to his stroking, getting hard. No, I don't want this, oh fuck no, fuck no!

"Nmmph! Arrgh! Nnngh!"

He gives an odd high-pitched giggle, then, oh thank Christ, pulls his mouth back to bite my ear.

"Get the fuck off me, Laurent!"

I only get one breath out though, then his other hand's clamped across my mouth and he's nuzzling my cheek. He makes it look like we're just sucking face, blocking any view of the hand mashing my lips shut, silencing me. I've got no strength and I can't feel my hands. I flail vaguely but my arms aren't working properly any more.

No, no, no, no my mind wails, as he presses his over-muscled body against my bare chest, stopping my mouth with his fleshy hand and whispering excitedly as he licks my neck and behind my ear. The ribs of his corset dig into me and his hand, his fucking hand under the table...

He's doing something with his thumb down there, rubbing my cock just under the head in between long, grasping strokes. I can feel the sticky fluid on the tip of my cock as he smears it across the head and I can't help responding, my hips arching forward, pushing into his grip, even though I hate it, I hate it, I hate him and I want him to stop.

"Yes cherie, yes, Laurent knows what you want. That feels good, no? Soooo good, my sweet Edward."

"Nnnnnn," I moan into his hand, in hopeless negation. But he's not listening, no-one's listening.

"First we do this, non? Then we go somewhere more…private, and you can reciprocate, oui?"

I thrash despairingly. "Nnnnnnn! NNNNN!"

But the things he's doing to my cock, I can't help myself. I feel the hot pressure building up down there, fired by his touches. His thick palm slides over my balls, his thumb massaging that spot just behind the base of the sac. Then his fingers are caressing the sensitive rim of my cockhead and frenulum, swirling across the glans before gripping my shaft and pumping me expertly. And all the while his wet lips are beside my ear, muttering obscenely as he pins me to the seat with his sweaty torso and pulls me off.

"Oh you're a naughty boy aren't you, Edward? Such a dirty boy, so bad. You want it up the ass don't you my little slut, my whore. Are you my whore, Edward? Are you my rent boy? Yes? That's my good boy, cherie, yes that's right. Fuck my hand, sweetheart, fuck it hard, show me how much you want it, yes that's good, oooh yes baby, you like that. Come for me, Edward, come all over my hand, come right here in the club, come on, sweetheart, let it go, let it go…"

Tears are running down my face and wetting his hand. No, fuck no, oh god, oh please no... I moan and spill helplessly into his fist, my traitor hips jerking involuntarily.

I'm slumped back on the banquette, unable to move. Paralyzed by exhausted self-loathing I hardly notice as Laurent zips me up. He's taken his hand off my mouth; he knows I won't protest. I'm beyond protesting now, filled with a sick passivity. He's right, I am his whore, his rent boy. I deserved this, I asked for it. He made me come so I must have wanted it; it was my own fucking fault, all my fault.

Laurent pulls me out from behind the table and forces me to stand. I can barely stay upright, I just want to crumple into a corner and shut my eyes, shut it all out. He puts his arm around me and holds me tight against him as though we were lovers then walks me out back where the toilets are, holding me up. I stumble along, my head down, barely registering where we're going. Right at the back in the near-dark there's a fire exit to an alley at the side of the club. It makes sense. Even the toilets are too public for Laurent's little games. I've heard about the alley, what it's used for, but I've never been out here. I had some standards before, but not now.

I dimly register that it seems deserted. There's the shadow of a dumpster by the street, garbage cans and heaps of bags and boxes, a strong scent of rot. The air's chill and damp. It floods my nostrils like wasabi, hitting my sinuses like burning ice, waking me up. My numb brain starts functioning again, just a little.

Fuck, I'm in trouble. Laurent's got me up against the grimy brick wall and he's mauling my face again, fumbling with his trousers. I wrench myself away and spit off to one side to get his foul taste out of my mouth.

"No! Let me go, Laurent! Fuck off!"

I try to push him back but he's grabbed me and forced me down against the wall, crushing me there with his legs as he fists handfuls of my hair on each side and tries to force his cock into my mouth. I jerk my head up, his cock thudding against my cheek, smearing fluid there. My heart's racing, thinking what's in that fluid. I don't want it anywhere near me, not in my mouth, not anywhere in my body, not ever.

"NOOOO! HELLLLP ME! SOMEONE!" I cry out, wriggling futilely in the prison of his legs and hands. I'm arching back and away from that fat, obscene cock as he tries to force my head down. The pain where his thick fists are clenched in my hair is intense and my eyes tear up, blurring my vision.

Laurent lets go of my hair with his right hand and backhands me hard across the face. My ears ring and I can't see for a moment from the pain and the tears. Snot's running from my nose and I'm trying to get my hands up but one arm's crushed against the wall behind me and he's got the other pinned with his knee. I contort myself frantically and manage to free one arm, grabbing his wrist where he's still got the death-grip on my hair. But I can't even move him a little, his wrist's an iron bar.

"I'll fucking bite it off!" I moan furiously, twisting my face as far away as I can as his cock presses up under my chin and slides across my jaw, leaving a moist trail.

"No you won't, Edward," he whispers hoarsely, threatening. "I'll kill you if you use your teeth, cherie, huh? Snap your sweet little neck like a twig, oui?"

And he lets go my hair and wraps his thick fingers round my throat, squeezing tight. I can only just breathe and I can't get away. I can't stop him as he takes that cock in his other hand and brings it to my mouth. It's wet and glistening in the dim light from a dingy flickering sign overhead. I stare at it, horrified, my mouth clamped shut.

Then his grip round my throat tightens and I have to open my mouth to gasp for air.

Bella

"No a right, make a right here!"

"Fuck, Bella, it's a one-way street, I can't…"

"I should never have let you drive, Jake, you're hopeless."

"Fucking women navigators. You've got the map upside down!"

"That's the direction we're headed. Make a U, it's back there."

***

It's a miracle we've gotten this far without braining each other with a wrench. I don't think Jake expected my old truck would make it all the way from Forks to Seattle, either. But when I got out to his place the bike was half stripped - some problem with a fuel line.

Billy was out when I tumbled into the shed where Jake was working on the bike and poured it all out in an agitated rush. Jake was singularly unimpressed with Edward's reaction, but finally my sense of urgency rubbed off on him. The problem was channeling that urgency into any sort of plan.

"We can't go charging off and find him if we don't know where he's gone, Bells. Seattle's fucking huge - he could be anywhere."

"No he couldn't, Jake, think. Where would he go, all worked up like that? Is there some bar, some place he talked about with you? Did you ever go anywhere with him?"

"No, we just went to the motel after Neumos. He wouldn't go to Neumos I don't think. It'd be too tame for him in the mood you're talking about. He'd want somewhere mad, bad and dangerous."

I whimpered at that and he pulled me into a hug, stroking my hair. "Jeez, Bells, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to freak you out."

"It's not you that's scaring me. You're right. He was in a black mood, he'd want somewhere to match it, somewhere dark."

In the end Alice saved us. My cell rang and it was her, checking up on me. I'd worried the hell out of them the way I looked when we passed on the Cullen's access road. She told me about her and Jasper's confrontation with Edward, and where he'd said he was going as he took off.

"To Hell, probably. But Seattle tonight. One of the outer circles."

"Does it mean anything to you, Alice? What he said? Do you know where he'd go?"

But she and Jasper had no idea where he went in Seattle. I asked her to cover for him if she could, with Carlisle and Esme. Told her Jake and I would find him and to tell them he'd gone to bed already. They might not notice that the Volvo was gone, in the dark - he often didn't park it in the garage. I also got Alice to call Charlie and say I was starting the sleepover early this weekend. Some story about a video session with Emmett and Rosalie. I called him as well, on my cell, and spun him the same line. He seemed fine about it, saying Sue had asked him over anyway, for dinner.

Then I just slumped on Jake's uncomfortable bench seat couch, defeated, trying not to think about what we'd done there that had sent Edward off into this stupid goddam tailspin.

"Tell me again what he said, Bells? About where he was going?"

"To Hell, probably. But Seattle tonight. One of the outer circles."

"Outer circles? What'd he mean by that?"

"One of the outer circles of Hell, I guess - you know, like in Dante's Inferno."

"Yeah? Ummm." Chewing on his lip thoughtfully.

"Jake? What!"

"There's a club called that: Dante's Inferno."

"Yeah? Would he go there?"

"I don't know, but it's possible. It's a gay club, kind of sleazy, got a pretty dodgy rep. I've never been there but I've heard of it."

"It sounds about right for his mood tonight, Jake. Ah fuck, I don't know, but it's all we've got, we have to try it, have to do something."

It took me a little while to talk Jake around. He didn't think the old truck would make it. I figured if I had Jake along at least he could fix the damn thing if it broke but that just made him roll his eyes. I guess the prospect of being stuck under the truck at the side of the highway in freezing pitch darkness wasn't massively appealing for some reason. He threw his toolkit into the footwell anyway, and gave me a jumbo flashlight. We got the address from Directory and as Jake drove I located it in an old dog-eared Seattle map book I'd grabbed from the shed just before we left.

***

So here we are, in the big city. But the map's hard to figure out, even with the flashlight, and we're still going round in circles trying to get near the place.

"There! Make a left, down that side street, yeah, there."

Fucking finally. The red neon sign flickers fitfully: antes Infer o

There's a park across the street so Jake pulls in and we sit for a moment, a little shell-shocked from the long juddering drive. I look at my watch: 10:55. It's taken us well over three hours, even pushing the truck to the max, Jake gritting his teeth when I told him to go faster, sure the battered old monster would explode in an eruption of steam and pistons. I reach out and stroke the dash, promising it a tune-up when we get back: good old truck.

"OK, wait here, I'll see if he's there."

"What? No, I'm coming in too."

"Well, you can try, but I bet they don't let you in."

"Women go to gay bars all the time!"

"Yeah, but not this sort. And you're underage."

"So are you!"

"I've got Joe's old ID - my cousin from the rez, he's twenty-two. And I look twenty-two Bells - you sure as shit don't."

I try it on anyway but he's right, the bullet-headed bouncer with the weird tatt stops me.

Jake slips in through the door, calling back: "Wait in the truck!"

I sit there for a few minutes, blowing on my hands to warm them; should have brought my gloves. Jeez but it's cold out there tonight. What the fuck is Jake doing? How long can it take to have a look around a crappy joint like this?

Another minute and I can't stand it. I get out and cross over to the sidewalk outside the club, pacing to and fro to keep warm and pulling my coat tight around me. Come on, Jake, find him, find him, please let him be there. Oh fuck I hope he's there, but what if he's not? Then we're stuffed. We'll try Neumos and the motel, but I don't think-

The fuck was that? Some sort of scuffling and muffled voices from an alleyway in beside the club. I stop, suddenly nervous, looking round me and realizing for the first time what a rough part of town this is. It could be some crackheads down there, or muggers. Could be feral cats or giant mutant cockroaches. Shit. Shitshitshit.

Then I hear it.

"Help me! Someone!"

I could swear that was Edward, and I'm running for the mouth of the alley. But it's so dark, fuck it's dark. I crouch behind a dumpster and listen, vibrating like a violin string.

There's the sound of a blow and a gasp, then Edward (it is him) says "I'll fucking bite it off!"

What? Bite what off. Oh shit, he can't mean…

Another voice then, lower, harsher, a slight French accent. No, French-Canadian. "No you won't, Edward, I'll kill you if you use your teeth, cherie, huh? Snap your sweet little neck like a twig, oui?"

No, fuck no, have to help Edward. I move forward and trip immediately. Fuck fuck fuck, fucking idiot. No wait, it's a brick. I grab it and creep around the dumpster. A big ape-like guy has Edward pinned to the wall, with his cock in his hand and he's going to…to, fuck no!

I scream with rage and lurch forward, smashing the brick on the back of the big guy's bald skull.

"Don't you DARE fucking touch my Edward like that, you sick fuck, get your hands OFF him!"

The ape staggers off and crashes face-first into a heap of trash.

Edward's slumped against the wall, his arms raised fearfully, covering his face. He's a mess, tears and snot, half undressed despite the cold and shivering violently. Maybe he's in shock? I kneel down beside him and pull him into my arms.

"It's OK, it's OK now, you're safe, Edward, we're here."

He weeps on my shoulder and I rock him against me, stroking his hair.

Then suddenly I'm dragged backwards, an arm like an iron bar hard across my windpipe. I gasp, kicking out as Edward scrambles up and staggers forward, trying to grapple with the ape and pull him off me. But I can't breathe, my vision's going red and I'm choking, my legs jerking uselessly as another voice shouts and Edward screams something, wrenching desperately at the arm around my throat.

And the pressure's gone. I fall onto the filthy concrete, gasping and retching. There's a confusion of scuffling and grunts, then the sound of several crunching blows, then silence.

Edward and Jake pick me up, murmuring urgent questions, stroking me, brushing me down.

"Are you alright, Bella?"

"Is your neck OK?"

"Damn, that looks like it'll bruise."

"Can you talk, Bells?"

I pull them both to me, unable to speak. I just need to feel them, to know they're both here, both alright. Edward looks better, not so broken. Well he looks like shit really, his face smeared, his hair standing up like a scarecrow, but he seems more alive than when I found him all crumpled by the wall.

"It hurts a bit but I'm OK. What happened to him…that guy?"

"Laurent." Edward's voice is bleak. "We beat him up. Then Jake knocked him out. I don't think he's dead but I don't much care. Forget him - let's get out of here."

We go to the truck but it won't start. Jake tries the key several times but it's dead as a doornail. Guess this adventure might be the old truck's swan song; there's no time for repairs now. Jake grabs his gear and Edward screws up his face, trying to remember where he left the Volvo. He's looking worse, deep lines etched around his mouth, a vein throbbing on his forehead, and he's shivering again. Thank Christ the car's not far away. Jake takes the keys off him and Edward doesn't say a word. He's not very steady on his feet now - still a little drunk, or something.

We go to the motel, of course. Despite the heater in the car, we're all cold, and Edward's still shivering. I lead him straight into the bathroom and he follows me quietly, letting me undress him and push him in under the hot shower. But then he just stands there so I strip off quickly and get in too, soaping him all over with a washcloth and rinsing him down. I'm extra careful with his penis, trying to be so gentle until he takes the cloth from me and soaps his junk obsessively, once, then rinses himself, then soaps up again, wincing. I wonder why he needs to, what happened to him. He slips back into passivity after that so I dry him as well, his head falling back loosely as I towel his damp hair. Jake has a shower too, to warm up. His knuckles are swollen and grazed, as are Edward's, from punching out Laurent.

Jake pulls back the covers and we crawl into bed. It's not super-large but that's OK, we don't want much space, we want to curl up together. Edward nestles into Jake's belly, spooning against him, and pulls me toward him, my head under his chin. He rests his cheek on my hair and sighs deeply. The shivering seems to have stopped. Jake's arm folds over us both, and we drift off into a fitful sleep.

Just when I'm blissfully warm and relaxed in Edward's arms, Jake smoothes back my hair, shaking my shoulder and whispering.

"Bella, it's almost five am. We need to get up. Edward's got Saturday school at eight."

We surface, groaning and stretching stiff muscles. Edward's still drowsy and slightly confused. Jake and I chivvy him out to the Volvo and I pull him into the back seat with a blanket from the trunk. Jake drives, as we head south through Tacoma and Edward slumps against me. At some point Jake pauses for a drive-thru McCrap breakfast but I don't want any, I'm not hungry.

Edward's scrunched up across the back seat, his warm head pillowed heavy in my lap as he sleeps, sighing softly as I comb his wild hair with my fingers.

Chopin plays quietly from a CD as Jake takes us home. We skirt the edge of night, heading west as the sky behind us lightens and dawn overtakes us.

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Chapter Text

Edward

"More French toast, Edward?"

"Ah, yeah, Mom. Maybe one more piece, thanks." I sip my coffee while she bustles about at the cooktop, dipping bread into the egg mixture and checking the pan's hot enough. I'm going to be too full after another slice, but it is goddam delicious, and I need to get Esme in a good mood. She likes feeding me up.

"That's terrible news about your friend's father," she says, her back to me as she flips the sizzling French toast over to brown the other side. Probably just as well I can't see her eyes; I doubt the apparent sincerity in her voice would reach them.

I sigh quietly. Cut her some slack for Christ's sake. She doesn't know Jake or Billy, and she's soaked up Carlisle's prejudices across the years. It's not her fault she was left widowed and alone with three small kids and had to latch onto the first rescuer who crossed her path. No, that was your fault, right? I rub my face and push the familiar guilt aside. Not helpful, try not to wallow.

"Yeah, Jacob's pretty devastated - it doesn't sound good for his Dad. I'm glad he can stay at Bella's place and not be alone just now."

"Well, I'm sure your father's doing everything that he can for him, poor man."

Not my father, Mom, not. But I don't say it out loud, I don't want to trash the mood.

Alice and Emmett are still lazing in bed. I got up at eight, much earlier than usual for a Sunday as Jake did the fire escape thing then came back on his bike, pretending to be passing so as to pick up Bella. Esme was up anyway: Carlisle had to work again and she'd made him breakfast and seen him off before eight. So here we are together, a fortuitous chance for some quality mother and son face time.

"Mom, about me being grounded…"

She turns from the stove with the pan and spatula, still not meeting my eyes. Her lips are a little pursed as she slides the French toast onto my plate. "What about it, Edward?"

"I need you and…Dad…," I force the word out unwillingly, trying not to let her see how much it sticks in my throat. "Um, need you to ease up a bit on me. It's just that with all that Jake's going through, and him staying at Bella's, and me and Bella seeing each other…" I trail off, realizing I've opened several cans of worms there. A whole fucking worm farm in fact. "Er, well, it's not going to work, me being grounded right now, that's all."

That could have gone better; I'm rusty at getting around Esme. Sure enough, her eyes narrow a little and she frowns.

"'Not going to work?' Well I guess you should have thought about that when you beat up that Newton boy, Edward."

"Yeah, I know… I was stupid and I'm sorry for what happened. But I told you, he was saying bad things about Bella, and I just couldn't take it any more, Mom, I couldn't."

She pours herself a coffee and adds cream and sugar, sitting across from me at the table. "You simply can't do things like that, Edward, no matter what the provocation. I thought we raised you better than that. Your father and I are very disappointed."

Gritting my teeth, I refuse to rise to the bait. I doubt that "disappointed" adequately expresses how Carlisle feels about me. "Yeah, well. It won't happen again, Mom, I promise. But Bella's really worried about Jake, and she needs to be there for him, and I need to," I hunt for the euphemism, "Support her. Look after her. And Jake's my friend too, so I want to be there for him." I fix her with my most wide-eyed, hypnotizing gaze. Look into these pretty green eyes, Mom, you are in my power, you will do as I ask, you will trust me.

"Eat up your food before it gets cold."

Fuck, I don't think the mind-control worked. I cut off a chunk and shovel it in, ever the dutiful son.

"About all that, Edward." Esme folds her hands in front of her and frowns at them. "This… relationship… with Bella Swan. When were you going to tell me about that?"

Uh-oh, minefield. Proximity alert, klaxons sounding. I focus on cutting off a perfect rectangle of toast. "Erm, yeah, about that. We're just dating, is all. It's kind of recent, guess a lot's been happening. I meant to mention it, but…"

"Well, if it's no big deal, then why all the pressure to let you go over to see Bella?"

Point to Esme. "I – it's just it's pretty new, Mom, and she's upset, so it's not a good time to be apart…" Ah fuck, just be honest, for once. "But it is a big deal, I mean it could be." I flail about, desperate. "Bella could be, she is… um… special." I stare at Esme hopefully: she's a woman, she's supposed to get this romantic shit. "She's special to me."

Esme considers me, serious. "This is a new thing for you, isn't it? You've never really had a girlfriend before, Edward. We thought that maybe you were…"

She examines her perfect nails. What? Say it, Mom. Gay?

"A late bloomer."

Yeah, right. Go for the gardening analogy, nice one. I'm a delicate specimen, a hothouse plant. When actually I'm a fucking weed, sowing my seed all over the place, an interloper, unwanted. Was. I was like that. Maybe not so much any more. Maybe I found a way to put down roots.

"I never really cared about anyone like this before, Mom. It's new for me." I look her in the eye. "And I don't want to fuck it up."

"Language," she says automatically, but she's not really fussed about it. She sips her coffee, thinking, while I tip some syrup on my toast. "You don't want to rush into this, Edward," she says finally, with a bland smile. "You're only seventeen, you can't really know how you feel yet, or what you want."

"Yeah?" I bristle. Don't you patronize me, Esme, I know how I feel. You're the one who doesn't have the faintest fucking clue. "So how old were you when you fell in love with Dad then?"

She frowns. "Carlisle? I was twenty-seven, as you well know."

"Not Carlisle, Dad, my real father. Come on Mom, you know you were my age, and you got married when you were only nineteen." I glare at her, ignoring the warning bells going off around us. We never talk about him, never. Well, fuck it, maybe we should.

Esme's face goes tight. "Don't bring him into this, it was different, we were different…"

"How? How is it different? You were young and in love. Just because you settled, with Carlisle, you settled for security instead of love…"

"How dare you!" She's glaring at me now, her brown eyes narrowed. "I love Carlisle just as much…only differently…and you can't know how difficult it was with your…your father. We were very young, yes, we rushed into it. You were too young to know what was going on, but it wasn't easy. He was always going off to those stupid motor rallies, leaving me to cope by myself. He was just plain…unreliable… and then he was gone." Her voice is full of pain and her eyes are glistening.

"Yeah, then he was gone, and you've never forgiven me, have you?" I can't fucking stand it any more, I have to get it out there on the table with the French toast and coffee cups, I have to say it. "We never fucking talk about him because it's my fault that he died. Because I fucking killed him!" My eyes are prickling and I swallow, my throat tight.

Esme's eyes are wide. "Your fault? Your… Edward, what? You were only five, how could it be your fault?"

"Because I ran away and he chased me and I was mad at him, I was so mad at him for hurting you and I ran down to the tracks where you told me not to go and I knew a train would come, I knew it but I did it anyway and it hit him and he died, he died." And I'm crying now, tears streaming down my face as I force the words out between shuddering breaths. It feels like I'm breaking, like I'm ripping apart and I can't stop the words tumbling from me like knives, like ground glass, as I vomit it all out.

I can't look at Esme any more, can't bear to see her pain. I put my arms over my head on the table and my shoulders are shaking as I try to get control back, to stop blubbering like a fucking kid.

Then I feel her kneel beside me, her arms go around me and she's rocking me, holding me tight against her.

"Oh, Edward love, Edward, don't say that. I love you. I never blamed you for his death, never. It was an accident, you were only a child. Even if you were mad at your Dad back then, it wasn't your fault. Come on now, it's OK, it's OK." My head's tucked under her chin and she's stroking my hair as she soothes me. And God it feels good, it feels like coming home. Like Christmas and birthdays and being tucked in and kissed goodnight. And I don't care how schmaltzy it is. Edward fucking Cullen is dead and we're dancing on his grave.

I can't stop confessing now, safe in her arms as she pats me on the back. "I thought, all these years. I thought you were faking caring about me, that really, you blamed me. For Dad, for his death. All of you, Alice and Emmett too. Well, Emmett does, I know that."

"Emmett?" Esme holds me at arms length, brushing my disheveled hair back as I sniff, all snotty. She finds me a paper towel and I blow my nose. I think she almost blew it for me but she stopped herself at the last minute. "Emmett doesn't blame you."

"Yes he does, he told me so, after it happened."

"He what? Oh, Edward, but he was only seven then himself, and you were all so upset. He won't have meant anything by it, not really." She sits beside me and takes my hands in hers. "I had no idea you were still worrying about all this, all these years later. Why didn't you tell me?"

I take a deep breath and rub my nose. My voice is thick from crying. "Couldn't tell you. I thought it was all my fault. Thought none of you really talked to me about Dad because you all blamed me."

Esme winces. "I'm so sorry, Edward. It was a bad time and I was pretty messed up myself for a while. I guess we do avoid talking about your Dad and about that time – none of us really want to remember what it was like. I just didn't realize that you'd taken it that way, that you thought we all-"

There's a noise in the hall and Alice peers around the doorjamb. Her eyes are red too; she's been crying.

"Alice? I thought you were still upstairs?" Esme looks from Alice to me. "We were just…"

"Yeah, I heard." She comes over and gives me a hug. Christ, I'm trapped in a Brady Bunch episode. It's surreal. Any moment now, someone's going to start singing "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life".

"You dumbass," she says, shaking me a little as she hugs me, frustration and affection warring in her voice. "You honestly thought we were faking it and blaming you? Damn but you're an idiot sometimes, Edward." She turns to the doorway. "Come on in, Emmett, don't skulk out there in the hall, it's alright."

Emmett comes in warily - there's too much cheesiness in here for the sports jock. Emotional free-radicals are zipping about all over the place like killer bees. He glances at me then looks away, leaning against the counter. Yeah, it's not all fluffy bunnies and rainbows with you, is it bro?

Esme ignores the tension. "Emmett, did you hear what Edward was saying? About your father and how he thought you were blaming him?"

"Yeah." He sounds surly, looking down at his folded arms. Then he takes a deep breath. "Look, I'm sorry, right? Like Mom says I was only fucking seven. I didn't know what I was saying. How the hell was I to know that you'd brood about it for the next twelve fucking years?"

"Language, dear," says Esme, on curse-control autopilot again now the main crisis has passed.

"Yeah, yeah." Emmett shoots me a glance from under his brows. "I mean, I thought that you just didn't like me, that's what I thought. I didn't even remember saying that to you until I heard you just now, going on about it. I just thought you figured you were too smart for me, too cool to be friends with your big jock brother."

I stare at him, shocked. Oh fuck. The family I thought I had have been replaced by pod people. Or maybe I thought they were pod people but they weren't. My world's been a hall of distorting fun-house mirrors and I only just realized it.

"Emmett, no, I…I didn't mean. I don't think that…" But I do, kind of. I do think he's a dumb jock because that's how he acts around me. We've both been so much on the defensive since we were kids, we never really talked or did stuff together. "I'm sorry." It's inadequate, but I can't think what else to say.

"Yeah." He looks down again, then back up at me. "Me too. I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean it, I was just..all messed up back then. You know…"

"Yeah, I know." Please don't hug me, Emmett, I don't think I can take that much weirdness. But he just slumps down in a chair beside me, thank Christ, pinching the bridge of his nose and looking tired. And seeing that familiar, that familial gesture, I suddenly realize. He's my brother, my blood. He doesn't hate me. None of them do.

I rub my face, swallowing, as the tears threaten again. So many fucked-up years. Jesus, what a waste.

I pull myself semi-together as Esme bustles to and fro, making more French toast and frying bacon. Alice brews another pot of coffee, chatting away about Jasper and her plans for the day. And after a few minutes, Emmett reaches out and cuffs me on the back of the head, then ruffles my hair. I look sideways at him and we grin sheepishly, and that's all.

But it's enough.

Bella

Charlie isn't on shift today, Sunday, so once Jake and I get home he takes us all to the hospital in the cruiser. It's a shock to see Billy just lying there, motionless and with weird breathing. He seems to breathe fast, then he stops, then just when I'm beginning to think he's died or something, he starts up again. It freaks me out, and Jake looks pale and drawn. He says the nurses told him that strokes can cause that sort of breathing problem; I can't help feeling it's not a good sign.

Charlie and I wait outside in the visitors' area, to give Jacob more time with his Dad. In the end, Carlisle brings him out to join us. Carlisle and Charlie shake hands and Charlie's full of thanks. I hold my tongue. Carlisle says there's been no change and Billy, although very unwell, seems to be in some sort of holding pattern. They don't know how long he might stay in this state. Carlisle's obviously relieved that Jake's staying with us. He encourages Jake to go back to school on Monday, promising they'll call him if anything changes. Charlie agrees. I guess it's better for Jake to get a break from what's happening with Billy; he can't just live at the hospital.

The rest of the day is quiet; Jake's subdued. Charlie buys us lunch at the diner and we collect Jake's gear from La Push then he settles into our tiny guest room. He seems very large in there, but even so, smaller than normal; crumpled in on himself. Later on, Charlie and Jake watch the football on television and I make dinner; we don't talk much but it's comfortable. Jake and I do some homework together at the kitchen table then we head upstairs to get an early night.

I'm changing into my sweats and tee when I feel a crumple of paper in my jeans pocket. I'd forgotten the note from Gillian. It's only 9 o'clock, and I know she'll be busy with appointments tomorrow so she'll be hard to get hold of. Would she mind me calling her at the weekend? I don't think so, so I pull out my cell and dial the number. It's a recorded message – I guess she screens calls or something. I leave my details - oh well, I tried.

I go to the bathroom, passing Jake on the landing. We grab a quick goodnight hug, but Charlie's not far off so we can't risk anything else. I doubt Jake would be up for more anyway, he still looks pretty shattered.

Back in my room and I'm picking up the phone to dial Edward when it rings, startling me. It's Gillian. It's not a follow-up; she wanted to let me know that James isn't in prison any more. He got out somehow, with two other inmates; he's on the loose. Gillian heard from her police contacts in the Victim Support service. She reassures me that I'll be fine: James has no idea where I live and no reason to contact me. I know that she's right, but I'm shaken anyway.

We talk for a while – just general stuff about what I'm doing, how I'm coping. It helps to talk with her and she says I can call her if I need to. After I close the phone I just sit there for a while, trying and failing not to think about James and the bad times. I do the exercises again to slow my rapid breathing, on the verge of panic and feeling sick. Fuck James, just fuck him. Will it always be like this? Right back into it all again whenever something reminds me? I want to cut the James months out of my memory; to have that part of my life obliviated. But there's no modern magic that can do that – I know, I asked Gillian.

I open my phone and call Edward. He's in bed, reading, and he sounds different, easier somehow. He tells me that he talked with Esme this morning, about him and me, and even about his Dad. And with Alice and Emmett too. Of course they said the same things that Jake and I did, but he seems to be taking it in a bit more, he seems calmer, even happier.

"You know what you said, about therapy? Esme's going to help me arrange it. It helped, to talk with them all, but I think it's still only a start. Kind of hard to change twelve years of being fucked-up overnight."

"Yeah? That's great, Edward, I'm sure it'll help. Actually…" But I'm not sure whether to mention it, in case it upsets him. It seems unfair to risk bringing him down when he's feeling a little better.

"What?"

"It's just, I was talking to Gillian, my old therapist, just now. There was a message here to call her back. Turns out that guy James, you know…"

"The asshole. Yeah? What about him?"

"Well, Gillian said not to worry, but he's out. On the run. He escaped somehow, I don't have any details. But it's nothing, really, he's got no reason to try to find me."

Edward curses softly at the other end of the phone. "That bastard, he'd better not come anywhere near you, I'll fucking kill him."

"Don't, Edward, don't get all worked up. It's nothing, really, there's no way he knows where I live. I don't want it to spoil how you feel, I'm so happy you talked to your family."

I fill him in on my day, glossing over Billy's weird breathing and how sick he looked. I don't want to bring him down any more. We talk about Jake, how he's coping. Edward says that Esme ungrounded him; he'll come and collect me in the morning for school. Jake has the bike of course, but Charlie won't let him give me rides, he's made that crystal clear.

Edward catches me yawning and it sets him off too.

"Time for bed, Bella love. Wish I could hold you and kiss you, but I'll see you tomorrow. Until then."

We make ridiculous kissy noises and sever the connection. I'm smirking like an idiot, looking forward to seeing him in the morning, to feeling his arms around me again.

Perhaps it's not surprising, even so, that I can't sleep. I lie there, restless, as the buzz from talking to Edward fades and all my worries about Jake and Billy return. As do the memories of James, no matter how I try to deflect them. They lurk at the edges of my mind, stalking me like he did at the end, leaping out to ambush me as I toss and turn.

I give up after an hour and get myself a drink of water from the bathroom. Charlie's asleep; I can hear soft snores. Jake's door is open a little; it's dark but I can see him in moonlight filtering in through the curtains. He's lying in bed, staring up at the ceiling. He turns his head when I nudge open the door and enter the room, but he doesn't say anything.

I shut the door and cross to the bed. "I couldn't sleep either."

He folds back the covers and I slip inside and curl up in his warmth. We hold each other close and I stroke his long hair, soothing him until his breathing slows into the rhythms of sleep. Even wounded, even sleeping, he makes me feel safe, and I follow him into the dark.

The week passes. Billy stays the same: pale and silent, breathing, then not, then breathing again. Carlisle talks to Jake some more, with Charlie there as well. They don't think that Billy will wake up; the brain damage from the stroke's too serious. He probably won't keep breathing too much longer. There's nothing to be done except give him fluids through the IV - he's not feeling any pain. Not feeling anything at all. Jake doesn't want him put on a ventilator or fed through the IV, and Charlie agrees. The Clearwaters are back and we see them at the hospital quite often. Harry looks almost as washed out as Billy, and Sue's clearly worried that the stress is affecting his health too. They all agree: Billy wouldn't have wanted to linger on in a coma on a ventilator. He was always full of life – even in the wheelchair. He wouldn't want a half-life, brain-dead.

It's so hard on Jake. Edward and I try to help him but there's not much we can do. Edward gives me rides, and we hang out with Jake after school. We're quiet, doing homework together or watching TV. Maybe it helps, just to be with us. I hope so. Each night I creep into his room and we sleep together, waking in the morning before Charlie gets up. It's only for comfort, neither of us wants more right now.

Well, mostly not, but I often wake in the morning with Jake curled around my back, his erection pressed up against the crack of my ass. He doesn't make any moves though, just smiles and shrugs and kisses my neck. Maybe he deals with it in the shower.

Then it's Saturday again, and Edward's planning to come over after detention. Charlie's at work, on shift until nine tonight, and Jake's at the hospital seeing Billy. I didn't like letting him go alone, but Charlie's adamant: no pillion riding.

I spend the morning cleaning up and doing laundry. I also hit the kitchen and bake batches of muffins – half cheese, half apple-cinnamon - and get a casserole cooking for dinner later on.

By the time Edward turns up the house smells pretty good but his appetite's mostly for me. He presses me up against the wall in the front hall, nuzzling my neck and running his tongue around my lips, whispering that I smell of sugar and spice as he opens my mouth.

Jake arrives just as the coffee's being poured and I'm easing hot muffins out onto a rack. We look at him questioningly but he shakes his head, sighing. "No change."

The muffins cheer him up a little, but Edward stops him taking one, pulling out his tin of weed and holding it up, eyebrows raised.

"Shall we? It'll make them taste incredible." He turns quickly and kisses me. "Sorry, Bella, even more incredible, I mean."

"Yeah, OK". Jake slumps into a chair at the table. "I wouldn't mind getting a bit wasted and just forgetting it all, for one afternoon. There's nothing else I can do."

Edward squeezes his shoulder sympathetically. "I figured. It's what I'd do." He grins at me." Got to enjoy being dysfunctional a bit longer, Bella, before therapy straightens me out."

I snort, and raise my hands in an 'I give up' gesture. "Yeah, right. Like that's going to happen."

I chase them out to the back garden with the joint; all we need is Charlie getting home later on and snuffling around the kitchen with his cop's nose. But of course they persuade me so I have a few puffs as well, sitting on the back steps, the green, shadowed forest looming over us. Then back inside before the trees turn into Triffids.

We pig out in the kitchen, the boys cramming their mouths as though we were in some stupid muffin-eating competition. Jake even makes a lame, dirty joke about it, forcing me to punch him on the arm. Maybe the dope is helping him to shelve the sadness for a while.

It makes us hungry for more than food of course, but the logistics are tricky. My bed and Jake's are both narrow singles, and I'm not using Charlie's. I mean, major squick. In the end we get several big pillows, and armfuls of rugs, and throw it all down in a heap on the living room floor, in front of the TV.

Jake tells Edward that he should have brought a porn video for us all to watch. "Weren't you a boy scout, Eds? 'Be Prepared' and all that? Tsk tsk."

"Yeah, well, they didn't have a "threesomes" badge that I recall. Or even separate merit badges for the different combinations. You know: Jake into Edward, Edward into Jake, Jake into Bella, Edward into Bella, mmmph-"

His words are lost in a kiss as Jake pushes him down on the pillows and covers him, holding his head in both hands as he tastes Edward's mouth, dipping his tongue in then latching on hungrily with a moan. I watch them writhe together until breathlessness forces them apart, then we all undress each other, languid from the weed as hands slide across shoulders and run down chests and stomachs, unhooking, unbuttoning, the rasp of a zipper and the rustle of my blouse as it falls to one side.

We never talk about the merit badge options when we're all three together, never discuss what we're going to do, or take a vote on it. It's not a democracy, it just sort of evolves. Today we're driven by what's happening for Jake. He's hurting and inclined to be passive, and Edward and I want to care for him.

The boys are back kissing, with Edward on top now. I nudge them apart like scissors, hinged at the mouth, and I take Jake's cock in my hands and slip down between his legs. He wraps them around me, gripping me between his warm thighs, his heels in the small of my back. It feels good to be held as I slide one arm around his waist and hold his hard shaft in my other hand, mouthing the slippery head, sticky and salty under my tongue. Then I open my throat and swallow him down as he arches back, thrusting his hips up and groaning into Edward's mouth. Edward moves his attentions to Jake's throat, then his nipples, one hand between his own legs, stroking himself as he licks and sucks, curled around to watch me burying my face in Jake's groin as his thick, glistening cock slides in and out of my mouth.

By the time Jake's legs clench around me convulsively as he comes hard, flooding my throat with salty bitterness, I'm so fucking excited. My cunt feels like it's glowing, and I'm doing involuntary kegels, my hips moving.

Edward's in a similar state, and he pulls me on top of him where he's lying beside Jake, who's still in a post-orgasmic stupor, chest heaving. I snatch up a condom and roll it onto him, fumbling a little in my impatience. I'm so wet, we won't need any lube. Then I kneel above Edward's hips and guide his cock into me, rocking on him gently as I take him in to the hilt and feel him fill me up. His eyes have fallen closed and his face is transformed with pleasure, his cheeks flushed, hair wild, his lips still slightly swollen from kissing Jake. So fucking beautiful. So hot.

I'm riding him desperately now, every thrust sending waves of ecstasy down my legs and up my spine, making me greedy and mindless as I gasp and whimper. Edward reaches up with both hands and grips my waist, teeth clenched as the pleasure mounts unbearably, ramming me onto him harder and faster as we thrash our way to a shuddering release.

"Fuck!" he sobs, helpless as the spasms writhe through him, "Oh fuck yes, oh yes yes oh fuuuuck…"

I'm beyond speech, beyond thought, moaning continuously as my cunt pulses around him and I melt into a boneless heap, my head on his chest.

Jake watches us dreamily, playing idly with one of his nipples, his cock still quiescent.

At some stage we get some more muffins and share another joint, having hastily donned a few clothes. And there's snuggling, and touching, and Edward's mouth between my legs, tongue deep inside me while Jake's tongue explores my mouth.

Edward whispers fantasies in our ears. He wants to fuck my ass while I'm riding Jake. Not today, but soon; he wants to prepare me. He gets me to kneel up on top of Jake and kiss him. I feel excited and exposed, my ass in the air as he runs a lubed finger gently around the sensitive pucker, then slides it inside. I groan, my head falling to Jake's shoulder as the strange sensation makes my hips move. Jake reaches up and strokes my clit, then slides a finger inside me. It brushes against Edward's through my flesh, making me whimper. Edward pushes a second finger inside my ass and stretches me, moving them gently until I'm lost, grunting and thrusting and biting Jake's shoulder as I come. Jake moans, and I look down and see that Edward's other hand is on his cock, slick with lube, squeezing Jake's dark red, swollen glans through the grip of his thumb and fingers. Jake mutters something incoherent and shivers all over, spilling into Edward's hand.

Hours later we pull ourselves out of our warm cocoon, smelling of sweat and salt and come, drowsy and replete. We put it all back to rights and see Edward to the door where he kisses us both and wanders, yawning, off to the Volvo, waving as he drives away. Jake and I shower then have dinner.

By the time Charlie arrives we're arrayed in front of a sitcom like the poster kids for teenage normality. He smiles at us benignly and tells us off for lazing about inside all day. We should get out more and get some exercise he says, through a mouthful of casserole and potatoes. We spin him some line about the weather, feeling every muscle and exchanging secret smiles. We have an early night.

At two a.m., the hospital call; Billy's worse. Charlie drives us over there, the cruiser's lights flashing, siren off. Jake and I sit in the back, holding hands, wrenched wide awake by the cold night air, and by dread.

Billy stops breathing for the last time just before three, in the dead of night, Jake sitting beside him and holding his hand, his face wet with tears.

Chapter Text

Bella

"I'll come out and see you Jake, I promise, we both will."

I don't want to let go of him but I have to. The Clearwaters are taking him back to La Push to live with them now that Billy's dead. Jake doesn't seem to care one way or another, he's all turned inwards on himself, quiet and grieving.

I hadn't realized that Jake staying with Charlie and me had caused problems: some of the elders were unhappy he was off the rez. Charlie said they only gave way because we were closer to the hospital for visiting, while Billy was alive. I guess they've got a point though – he needs to be nearer to his school, and the tribe will look after him and organize the funeral. I think Jake needs his own people right now, with his mother and father both gone.

I can't imagine what that must be like. Charlie and I don't talk much, but I know that he loves me. He may not know everything about me – I've made damn sure of that – but he's still my Dad. And I haven't lost Renee, it's just messed-up with her, especially with Phil the fucktard interfering. Renee's never really felt like a Mom – more like a wayward sister that I had to bail out of trouble all the time. But at least she's still there, and maybe one day, Phil won't be.

The days pass and Edward and I spend a lot of time together. We both miss Jake, although we do head on out after school and hang with him at the Clearwaters most days. But he's so sad and I don't know what to say to him; I want to make it better but I can't. No-one can. All we can do is be with him, but it doesn't really feel like it's enough.

I still don't have the damn truck back of course so Edward gives me rides. Not that we go anywhere but school, or La Push, or the Cullen place. Jake gave me Red's number before he went back to La Push, and the truck's fixed and ready, parked out back of Central Cycles. Charlie bought the story about Jake having it at La Push for repairs, and in the wake of Billy's death, no-one's bothering about my old truck.

The funeral's on Friday, at La Push, in the old Quileute gym which is crowded with so many people I don't know – distant cousins, great-aunts, Jake's friends and so many of Billy's. Everybody knew Billy; everybody liked him. They speak about Billy at the ceremony – about his courage and his humor. The speakers make us laugh and cry. Charlie says a few words too, and Jake tries, but he's too choked up to finish. Afterwards there's a reception at the La Push Community Center, and Billy is buried at the Quileute Cemetery.

Edward's been reading about Quileute customs. He tells me that in the old days they used to send their dead out in canoes, to be taken back into the ocean. The chiefs were buried on James Island near La Push though, to watch over the tribe. The island rises from the sea just across from First Beach and I stare at it as Charlie drives Edward and me away from the Community Center in the cruiser. Billy was an elder; maybe he can hang out with the old chiefs and swap fishing stories.

A beaten-up black, old-model Ford pulls out and follows after us on the road home. A lot of the vehicles at the funeral have seen better days; Jake used to call them NDN cars. I think about Jake as we drive home; I hope he'll be OK. I talked with him briefly and gave him a hug, but he said not to stay, that he had to hang out with the cousins and elders. He looked like he wouldn't mind a little more alone time, or quiet time anyway, and I think I'll come out by myself soon, to see him.

Edward's in the front seat with Charlie, arguing cheerfully about baseball. I smile: Edward's so not a jock – he must have researched the teams so as to hold his own. It seems to be working, Charlie's playing nice and reining in the sarcasm. I hope that he's accepted Edward as my boyfriend now; it's taken a while, especially with Jake around as well. Charlie always preferred Jake.

Edward has his final Saturday detention and we spend time at his place or mine for the rest of the weekend, with a side-trip to La Push. There's no sleep-over at the Cullens; it wouldn't seem right, not now. We don't sleep together at all, or have sex. Billy's loss reminds us how fragile life is, and it draws us together, but more for comfort, at first. It's like we're doing what I once suggested, like we're dating, still back at first base. We lie on his couch or the sofa in our living room, wrapped up in each other, our mouths locked in long gentle kisses or just holding each other, my head under Edward's chin as we listen to soulful arias from La Bohème or Traviata. The kisses get steamy at times, but I pull back: I'm not ready yet, still too sad. I sense that Edward wants more, but he's patient with me.

Jake has been folded back into the tribe. It's not that he doesn't want to see us, but he doesn't really seem to want anything much. We sit on the Clearwaters' porch while Edward and I tell him about school, or we all watch TV with Leah and Seth. Sometimes Jake and Edward play a video game, but it's clear that Jake's heart isn't in it. He goes back to school after the funeral because what else is there to do? Life goes on.

At the end of the week I get Charlie to take me to La Push while he visits with Harry and Sue. It's a fine evening with the sun setting golden, casting long slanting shadows from our legs as we walk along the beach. I pull Jake down beside me on the big driftwood log, and put my arm around him, leaning into his warmth. He pulls me in close.

"Miss you, Jake."

"Yeah? I'm still here." His voice is sad.

"Yeah I know, but…"

"Yeah, but…" He sighs. "I miss you too, but I need to stick around here, for now. Anyway, you and Edward seem to be getting on OK." There's no edge to his voice, he just sounds resigned. "It's simpler for you this way, less messy."

"We still care about you, Jake." Tears prick my eyes. I don't want us to be over, I don't want to lose Jake, but I can feel him pulling away.

"I know. I can't handle the complications just now though, Bells. It's all I can manage just getting through the days."

I hug him more tightly. "I wish I could help more."

"It does help to see you. This helps. I just feel so… mixed up. I… sometimes I'm so angry with him, Bells."

"With Billy?"

"Yeah. He didn't look after himself properly – with his insulin and the diet and all that. I used to worry about him a lot, and keep on at him. He just laughed me off though. So I miss him, but I'm angry – and then I feel guilty and…ah fuck…"

He pushes back his hair back and rubs his face. I massage the back of his neck and he leans into it, rolling his shoulders and sighing.

"I think it's pretty common, Jake – feeling angry like that, after someone dies."

"Yeah, I know, it's OK. Just a bit of a rollercoaster at the moment. And it's tiring – I don't have the energy for much else."

So we sit side by side, arms around each other, breathing together, until the sun slips into the sea and the shadows get chilly.

___________________________________

Edward

I'm up in my room at the piano, picking out a song. It's new, kind of sad and with chords that build and build, then ebb away mournfully. Edgier than I usually write – not that I've felt like composing anything for ages. I was far too fucked in the head at first when it was all new and strange with Bella and Jake, too caught up in the whirlwind of feelings.

Everything's changing now though – it's all shifting and moving and settling around me into some new pattern. Better in some ways, worse in others, and just a little scary to feel so much less in control than I've let myself be for, god, years. I need to get the feelings out, get them onto the page in skeins of scribbled notes, get them out of my head so I can handle it all. And there's time to write, now we're all caught up in the echoes of Jake's grief. It slows us down, makes us pause and think, and listen, and take stock. And in my case, to get it down as music.

There are plenty of distractions however. Emmett and I are talking more, tentatively; he's educationg me about football and baseball. We hang out with Alice and Jasper as well. And Bella and I are closer. There's been a shitload of holding and kissing, of hugs and cuddling and it's nice, don't get me wrong, I fucking love it, but Jesus I need to fuck her. I don't want to trash the mood though, don't want to seem crass and horny when Jake's hurting and she's sad for him. I am too, but she feels it more; they were closer and she knew Billy well. So I hold her and kiss her, hard and aching inside my jeans and trying not to jam my impolite erection into her thigh or her ass (oh fuck, her ass, her sweet ass) or to rip her blouse off and suck on her breasts until she…fuck, oh sweet fuck.

I press the heel of my hand on my cock which is VERY FUCKING EXCITED now, dammit. I'm whimpering a little as I stagger to the bed, opening my jeans on the way and pulling off my t-shirt as I crawl across the mattress to the night stand for some lube. Then I throw myself down on my back and push my jeans down roughly, taking myself in my slick hand and Jesus that's good, that's so good. I'm arching back now as I thrust into the ring of my thumb and curled fingers, fucking into my own grip as though it was her mouth, oh fuck yes, oh, as though it was her cunt, her hot, lovely cunt, yes, yes, yes.

I think of the last time, in her house, there with Jake. About sliding my greased fingers right up her ass. I think about that a hell of a lot these days and it makes me so hard. Fuck she was tight. I call up the memory of Bella's round ass in front of me, pressing back on me, the clenched ring of muscle slowly loosening as I stretched her, until she was fucking my fingers. And the sounds she made - soft helpless grunts, oh Jesus. I remember feeling Jake's long fingers sliding inside her, brushing up against mine and I want it to be my cock and his cock inside her, moving with each other and fuck that's so hot and my hand's pumping fast as it all bursts up out of me, splattering hot and white and brilliant across my bare belly and chest as my hips arch and buck.

Oh god, oh god, Bella. I need to be inside you.

Shit. I clean myself up, feeling depraved. So much for the BB supporting his grief-stricken friends or the tortured artist pouring his soul into music. Pounding my dick into Bella is more like it. This can't go on – too much more sweet goddam kissing and stroking and I'll be taking her behind the gym, whether she wants it or not. Banging her up against the wall, rough as guts. My cock twitches at the mere thought, the dirty fucker.

I zip myself up and find a clean t-shirt, then try to settle back at the piano again, but my mind keeps wandering to Bella. Alright, this weekend. We need to get her truck from Seattle anyway. We'll take the whole day, get permission for a shopping trip. I'll book the motel, change the scene, get us right away from Forks and La Push. Yeah, that'll work – it'd better fucking work, before I jerk myself raw. Sensitive soul that I am.

So I go to work on Esme and Bella persuades Charlie, and we're on for the trip to Seattle. There's a fucking close shave when a group outing with Alice and Jasper is proposed, once Alice gets wind of the shopping part of the plan.

I'm cursing inside as I see my motel dreams fade, submerged in Mall time and coffee shops and endless department store bags. Fuck no, I'm not having that. Some desperate eye rolling and face pulling at Jasper across Alice's head gets the message across. Jasper heads Alice off at the pass with a last-ditch offer to let her give him a make-over instead. She takes the bait and begins planning excitedly: the face-pack, the manicure and pedicure, the massage, the highlights and hair-trim. He eyes me, long-suffering, mouthing: you owe me big-time. And I do: he's taking one for the team and I'm deeply appreciative.

Saturday's fine and we take the route through Bainbridge Island and the ferry. It's good to be moving and I think we both feel a little lighter as the miles race past. We're cheerful, arguing about tracks on the radio and playing silly I-spy games. She gets me with something beginning with "h". They're everywhere around us, large and small, apparently. I try all the obvious options like houses or horses or hands, but I'm stumped.

"Holes!" Bella's triumphant.

"Holes? That's…that's got to be cheating, surely?"

"Is not – and they're everywhere, just like I said!"

I concede defeat gracefully, trying not to think about certain specific holes for which I have plans. Down boy, later.

We make pretty good time and I take her to some bookstores then to lunch. She chooses Italian over Mexican, which is just as well: I'd rather we didn't have chili in our mouths. And over the gelato I take her hand, stroking it, and tell her I booked the motel.

"You booked it for us? But we can't stay overnight."

"No I know, it's OK, they don't care."

"Oh god, they're going to know exactly what we want it for." Her cheeks flush and she bites her lip.

"Maybe, but I'll handle the guy in the office – you can stay in the car. Please, Bella, I need this, need time with you…" Need to be inside you.

She nods, still blushing. Her voice is soft. "Yeah, so do I, Edward." And she looks up at me from under her lashes and it's all I can do not to snatch her up and run for the car.

But no, she insists we hit Target first. There isn't one in Forks, or even Port Angeles, and she's adamant that we can't come back from a shopping trip with just a few books. Alice would kill her.

"Alice'll kill you for shopping at Target at all!" I protest, frustrated, as I push a cart along behind her, collecting her purchases. Jesus, fucking Target.

On the way to the motel, Bella calls Red and arranges to collect the truck later, about five. Then finally, fucking finally, we're there.

And awkward, suddenly, as we dump our coats on the sole chair. I draw the cheap curtain across, leaving us in a dim half-light, and turn to see her standing there, looking a little lost.

"Bella, love." I pull her gently into my arms, just a hug, my cheek on her hair. "Can I get you a drink?"

"But we have to drive."

"Yeah, but that's quite a bit later, it'll wear off by then."

I make her a vodka and coke, and have myself a whisky. "Let's get into bed – I have to touch you."

My clothes are soon discarded and I see Bella's down to her underwear. I come up behind her and unhook the bra, letting it slip away as I reach around, cupping her lovely breasts as she leans back against me. My cock's getting hard, pressed close against her ass. I roll her nipples in my fingers and she makes a small noise in her throat and arches forwards into my hands. My right hand slides down, across the soft swell of her belly and I slip my fingers in, just under the elastic of her panties, caressing the soft hair on her mound and sliding one finger a little way into her slit. Pushing my hard cock into her softness, I pull her back onto me with my hands on her sex and her breast. I drop my head into the dip of her shoulder and kiss her neck, nibbling and sucking as our hips thrust together gently. Oh yes.

"Come to bed." Drawing her in beside me, panties off and her warm body fitting against mine so perfectly. "Bella, oh Bella…" I whisper, hoarse, as I take her lower lip between mine and kiss it, then press her back, exploring her mouth. She tastes so good and I want to devour her, to put my mouth all over her. Lips, throat, I work my way down. Her breasts derail me for some time with their softness, the nipples hard and swollen as I graze them with my teeth and she whimpers. Then on down her stomach, my tongue dipping into her navel as she shudders, and I'm parting her legs, pressing kisses to the velvety skin inside her thighs. Tasting her, smelling her, rich and musky as I open her, lifting her hips to flick my tongue close to her hole, teasing, then forwards, licking and sucking on her clit as she writhes. I slide down on my front, my rigid cock exquisitely sensitive, rubbing on the cheap weave of the sheets. And I push my face into her, tongueing and sucking and licking until Bella's cries run together and her hips buck, quivering under my hands.

She pulls me up and clings, melting in my arms as I hold her, my hips writhing as I frot helplessly against her. Fuck I'm close to coming. Then she's sliding down my body in her turn, and the touch of her hand on my cock almost earns her a face shot as I arch up, crying out and fisting the covers. She holds my shaft and takes me in her mouth and I don't last long. A few good sucks and her tongue snaking up around the head and I'm a fucking fire hydrant. Her hand kneads my balls and I sob her name, shuddering and pumping into her throat as she swallows, holding me steady and sucking gently until I'm done, then kissing my softening cock before slithering back up into my arms.

We hold each other, whispering nonsense - kissing and stroking, boneless at first, then affectionate and playful. And finally, aroused again.

"I want…" Bella whispers into my neck, shivering as I suck on that spot underneath her ear.

"What, tell me…" Pressing her breasts together so as to bury my face between them, sighing with pleasure.

"Want you to… fuck me…"

I groan around her nipple, my mouth wet. "Yes, oh fuck yes-"

"No, my ass, Edward, like you did with your fingers, but properly. Can we?"

Can we? My brain implodes. I stare at her, mouth open. "Bella, are you sure? You really want to?"

"Yes. I keep thinking about it."

"Yeah…" My voice is almost a growl. "Fuck, so do I…"

I scrabble for my jacket and fumble out the condoms and lube. My hands are shaking so Bella rolls one on me while I thrust into her hands, my cock twitching.

"Hold still now-"

"I can't…" God, I'm whining. I have to get a grip, have to get in control and look after her. I take a deep breath and count to ten.

"How…? Do you want me to roll over."

"No, please. I want to see your face, to watch you come."

She gasps at that and sucks on her lip. "How then…?"

"Here." And I sit back on my knees and ease her hips up onto my thighs. "Put your legs over my shoulders, love."

Staring down I open her gently, and stroke her clit. She's moaning with her eyes locked on me, rubbing herself against my hand like a cat. I take the lube and squeeze some out, slicking my fingers then sliding one around her hole, circling it, then in a little, then a little more, then all the way in as she moans. I press a second finger gently in, spreading them as the muscle loosens, working my fingers up inside her as she arches, moving on my hand.

The lube's a little cold on my cock, even through the rubber. I stroke myself, pushing into my hand involuntarily, then I lean forwards and press slowly in through the tightness, watching her face contort briefly. I stop and hold still.

"Sorry, love, it hurts a little at first. Is it bearable? Try to relax, just relax around me…"

"Yes, it's OK. You can move, just go slow… oh, Edward, ohhh god…"

"Oh fuck, yeah…you're so tight, so hot…so good…" And I can't be still, I have to press into her, sheathing myself in that hot slick tightness, thrusting slowly.

And her face, which was pulled into a mask of pain, slides into something else. Her mouth is open and her head's flung back, her hands clawing the sheets as she arches up, pushing herself onto my cock. I grip her left thigh and slide my other hand between her legs again, stroking her clit as she writhes on me, grunting. I have to move faster so I fuck her harder, bending forwards across her and watching her face as she comes, her eyes rolled back and her mouth slack with pleasure. Then I wrap my arms around her thighs and thrust deep, losing myself in bliss as I groan and shudder.

I wait until my cock softens before I pull out, then I clean us up with the bedside tissues and draw her in against me.

"Thank you, baby, thank you. Fuck, that was good."

She stretches against me, stroking the side of my face. "I love to see you come, Edward. Your face…it's so hot."

"Me too, Bella." I bend and kiss her softly. "I love to watch you too."

And later, when it's possible to move again, we shower and dress, and collect the truck from Red.

We drive west in miniature convoy as the sun sets ahead. I got us a couple of cheap hands-free sets at Target so we leave our phones on and play quote games driving home.

"America had often been discovered before Columbus, but it had always been hushed up."

"Um… sounds like Oscar Wilde?"

"Yeah. OK, your turn Bella."

"Try this. 'Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.'"

"Damn, I'm not sure – Oscar again?"

"Nope, Dorothy Parker. Bella one, Edward zero."

She wins hands down of course, well before we reach Port Angeles. Smart as a whip, and lets me fuck her up the ass. My luck's definitely improving.

At the turn-off on the highway in Forks where our ways part we pull over, and I help her clamber down. It's cold so I wrap her up in my arms and kiss her thoroughly, up against the truck.

"That was the best damn shopping trip of my entire life. I love you."

"Love you too, ass-bandit." I boost her up again and she grins and rattles off into the night.

I wait for a battered black Ford to zoom on past, then get back in the Volvo and head home for dinner, singing cheerfully along to Daughtry's "Crashed". He may act like a prick, but man, can he sing.

"And then I crashed into you,
And then I crashed into you,
And then I crashed into you…
You will consume me,
But I can't walk away."

No, I can't walk away, and I sure as hell don't want to. Not ever.

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