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Chapter Text

Your fingers trembled as you fumbled with your last remaining matchstick, desperate for some warmth in the back of the old rotting office building you found to hole up in for the night.

You had cleared all the rooms on this floor, two infected you were able to take out quickly and quietly. The upper levels were quiet, still, and for the most part, blocked off by collapsed walls and stairwells. You figured you would be safe enough here for the next few hours, just enough time to catch your breath, find your bearings, and set back out again leaving this decaying building behind.
You could feel the tension in your neck from how much you were shivering in the cold, your breath clouding the air in front of you.

‘Come on… fuck’

You hands shaking too much to get a good strike on the match, defeated your head hit the wall behind your back and you let out a frustrated sigh.

It had only been a month, a month since you left home, a month since FEDRA came through the village you were living in and destroyed everything in a raid. You had made it out with your brother Dean and best friend Janie, barely. But now, you were alone, covered in dirt and blood and splatters from the infected you killed trying to stay alive.

One month, that was all it took to lose everything.

You reached for the match one more time, closing your eyes, you took as steady of a breath as your body allowed, and finally, the match lit.

———

You woke before the morning sun hit, shivering again, coughing from the smoke rising from what was left of the fire you got started.
‘Ugh… fuck’ you hissed stomping it out before grabbing your bag and heading to the front of the building.
As the light crept in you pulled out your map, Seattle was so close now, if you didn’t get sidetracked you’d make it there by tomorrow.

———

Back when you were still home, before the last month destroyed every last piece of humanity you had left in you, you and your brother Dean heard whispers of a group that took down FEDRA up north in Seattle. Traders and other people passing through would talk of encountering a rebel military group calling themselves the Washington Liberation Front.
Dean always talked about moving away, out of the cold isolation of the mountains, and the idea of a fortified rebel group that took down FEDRA was everything to him. It meant safety, security and a better shot at being able to protect his family, being able to protect you.

He would talk about running away to find them, even join them, all the time. if only you could go back and tell him what fate had planned when you did try to leave. Maybe you could’ve stopped it from happening.

‘Hey, come on’ he said holding out his hand to you.
‘No… it’s too high Dean’ you looked down over the edge of the mountain, you could see the bottom but, oh my god it was far. But, he continued forward, finding a grip along the side of the slope, attempting to climb down.

‘Dean. No!’ you tried to say with more authority hoping he’d listen. He let out a low chuckle, one that was always filled with such smug confidence. ‘Alma, it’s fine, we’ll just climb down it’ll be faster. Or else it’ll take us weeks to get to Seattle’

Janie would try to be the gentle voice of reason, she stood a few paces behind you watching, scared of the edge as you were. ‘Guys…’ she said with a shaken breath ‘maybe we can just rest for minute while we think of a plan’ but it was too late, Dean had already stepped down and was finding his footing on the rocks along the side of the cliff.
And then it all happened too quickly, the rock under his hand crumbling, the faint distant sound of his body hitting the ground at the bottom, the screeching sound of a distant horde of infected that was alerted to your screams as you watched the scene unfold, Janie’s hands and arms pulling you back from the ledge to stop you from falling over yourself.

You shut your eyes tight as you brought yourself back from the memory, your chest tight with the same panic from that moment but you let you feet continue to carry you the rest of the way, slowly coming back to the feeling of the earth beneath your feet as you let each step disperse the memory, for now.

———

By nightfall you had made it to the outskirts of the city. You caught a glimpse of yourself in the reflection of a window as you passed it and stopped in your tracks for a moment. You weren’t the same woman anymore, you couldn’t recognise yourself. Your hands were still shaking, you were covered in cuts and bruises, face hallowed out by the weeks of barley saving yourself from starvation, you were a ghost of yourself. Desperate and angry, oh so angry. Angry at the world, angry at yourself for what happened to your home, your brother, your friend.

Another memory found you.

The loud slam of the front door and Dean’s quiet anger pulsing from down the hallway. ‘Pack up your shit’

‘What?’

‘They’re coming Alma! We need to go, Now!’
He didn’t need to say anything else, you could see in his frantic movements as he pulled out all the drawers and tossed whatever he could into his pack, eyes burning.
You ran down the hallway to Janie’s room. You all lived together, the three of you were as close to a family as you could be in this world. Opening her door she was in bed, you tried to wake her calmly but she could feel the tremble of your hand on her as you shook her awake and your face was all too telling.
‘What’s happened?’ she breathed out in a whisper.
‘Dean said we need to go, now. To pack what we can’ you started to sob, and she held onto your shoulders, her hands warm tho shaking. Outside you hear distant commotion, gunfire, screams, the sound of trucks breaking through the villages defences.

You pack your things, frantic, messy, as the chaos outside grows closer and closer.
‘Come on, you two first’ Dean was waiting by the back window, which dropped out into the garden bed, enough foliage to cover our escape. You all crouched, keeping cover as Dean scans the area. ‘Ok, wait for my signal. Then I want you both to run for the trees over there’ he whispered back to us over his shoulder.

Then after a moment.

‘Go! Now!’ He shoved you and Janie out towards the tree line and you both ran as fast as your feet could take you.
Behind you, you heard gunfire. Dean held up his rifle aiming towards a group of heavily armed FEDRA soldiers that were heading towards us. He fired, dropping two of them before a bullet fired in your direction, clipping Janie’s leg.
She screamed as it tore through her, falling forward hitting the ground hard. Dean ran out from behind the shrubs and you pulled out your handgun to cover him now that he was exposed, your aim not as steady as his.
Out from your left, a force slammed against you pinning you to the ground causing you to fumble your weapon, the man now above you pressed his hands hard around your neck, the pain immediately stinging through your head, arms and legs helplessly thrashing to try to free yourself. Before Dean could reached you, he took aim and fired.
-BANG-
The heat of blood splatter hit against your face, ears ringing and eyes bulging wide. Then the force of being pulled upright. Dean is shouting but you only hear a mumbled voice and the feeling of him pushing you back towards that tree line, throwing Janie over his shoulders you stumbled into a run as you fled your home. The vision of that man above you still lingering, the bullet crashing through the centre of his head, the force of the impact throwing him off you to the ground. You looked at him before you turned your back, blood and brain matter from the bullet crashing through his skull surrounding the floor, his eyes still open tho now empty and haunting.

Your mind bought you back again, retching over a nearby railing at the memory.

You wiped at your face frantically hoping to pry the images away, not wanting to allow yourself to disappear into your mind again when you were so close now.

You took in your surroundings. It was dark, but you could make out the streets lined with what looked like apartment buildings, overgrown and reclaimed by the surrounding nature. As you walked through the streets, keeping off main roads you stumbled across a mural on a wall, of a woman. She was depicted almost like a religious figure with a peaceful expression and rays of light beaming from her figure. It perplexed you for just a moment too long when something nearby caught your attention.
A snap of a branch, then before you had time to turn your head around you felt a blunt force strike your head.
Then, darkness.

Chapter Text

You wake to a ringing in your ears and a dull ache blooming across your head and behind your eyes. You squint to try and focus in an attempt to make sense of your surroundings, you are laying in a low cot in a closed off room separated by curtains.

You make out some distant voices coming from behind the curtains and try to roll out of the cot before collapsing, failing to find the strength in your body to hold yourself up. The commotion alerts a woman to enter your ‘room’ and you hear a gentle soothing voice coming from her ‘woah hey hey, easy now, easy’ as she places her hands around you to pull you up. Your body jolts at the sensation, immediately thrashing around crawling back desperately away from her touch.

‘Okay I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I won’t touch you again, but i need you to at least take a seat back on the bed ok?’ The woman spoke in a soft manner, as if comforting a young child.

You were frozen, backed away from her eyes shot open wide, fully awake now, like a some cornered feral animal.

The woman lowers herself to speak to you again, she was strong and lean with coiled hair tied back out of her face with dark skin. She looked at you with concern, and maybe a bit of fear too.

‘You’re ok. You are probably wondering what happened. Right?’ She gave you a second to respond, then decided to back away. As she stood she motioned to the cot ‘I’m not going to hurt you. I’m trying to help you, and I can’t do that if you hide in the corner forever’ her tone less kind, not harsh, just matter of fact.

You let yourself breathe to release some of the tension.
She doesn’t seem dangerous, if they wanted to kill you they would’ve done it by now, so you let yourself rise slowly still feeling your skin burn where she had tried to touch you, and sat on the edge of the cot.

‘My Names Nora, by the way. Some of our soldiers brought you in last night. Sorry if they were a little rough on you, but we can’t be too careful around here’ you scoffed, a little rough? Bloody idiot almost knocked you into the next life.

You stayed quiet, and Nora looked over you for a second. ‘You gonna tell me your name?’
‘You didn’t ask’ you mumbled with a generous serving of sarcasm. Nora didn’t bite tho, she just let out a huffed laugh ‘ok then, what’s your name smartass’ she said with more affection than snark.
You glared at her, a little mad she didn’t take your bait, now disarmed, she had an unusual charm about her.

‘Alma’ you mumbled with defeat.
‘Ok then Alma, now that you are awake I’ll be sending for someone to escort you to speak with our leader Isaac, he likes to asses any new comers.’ She fiddles with some files on the desk in the room ‘And if all goes well hopefully i won’t see you back in here too often’ she laughed out.

‘Oh, and you’ll wanna shower too’ she reached into a cupboard in the corner of the room and pulled out a clean set of clothes and a towel.
‘Here’ she placed them on the cot next to you. ‘You can use the showers down the hall today, they are for patients here so you’ll have more privacy’

You took the offer and headed down the hall, still covered in blood and all kinds of muck. You stripped down, discarding your old clothes and turned on the tap. The water spattering out, cold at first then the warmth filled you.
You let the water run over you and watched the swirl of all your filth slip down the drain at your feet. After scrubbing till the water finally ran clear you shut off the water.
The clothes Nora gave you were stiff and rough, but clean. You put them on then took to waiting outside for the person who would come to take you to see their leader, Isaac.

———

Isaac didn’t seem to have time for bullshit today, you could hear from the hallway you were standing in along with the man who had escorted you out of the medical wing. Low muffled voices coming from the other side of the door, controlled, but carried authority, it made your skin crawl. When the door burst open two soldiers walked out, your head immediately snapped to the floor avoiding any unwanted looks or attention.

‘What now?’ You heard Isaac’s voice coming from inside the room.

‘Uhh sir… we picked up a new-‘ he was already at the doorframe, he looked you up and down once then waved the soldier off, cutting him off mid sentence.

‘Just put her with the other new recruits, if she can hold her own by the end of week she can stay’ his words rang almost like a warning in your ears. ‘If’ you can hold your own, what would he have them do if you couldn’t?
The soldier you walked with set you up with a small bag of supplies, with a few more sets of clean clothes, some documents containing a map of the stadium area and a training schedule, and a room key.

You stepped inside and the room was small, a window at the far end with a desk underneath, a small single sized bed to the left of the desk, and against the right wall a small kitchenette probably only good for making coffee. Next to the kitchen was a small door that opened to a makeshift bathroom containing only a basin and a toilet. The room had exposed pipes on the walls and the mirror was almost too scuffed to see your reflection, but this was much better than what you had to deal with in a good while.
Now that you finally had a moment alone, you pulled out the map and studied it, as if you could familiarise yourself with your new surroundings with just this sheet of paper alone, but now in the quiet it hits you. You made it here, but you are alone.
Your vision blurred as the tears start streaming heat down your face. What was the point now? Trying to become a soldier with no one left to protect, no one in need of saving because everyone who was ever worth it was already dead. But you can see their faces, they’re desperate pleas for you to keep going forward. They wanted this too, they should’ve been here, you should be sharing this space with them. Sleep somehow manages to find you amongst the sobs and heaves with the image of Dean and Janie in your mind before you drift off.

Chapter Text

Your throat was burning and the ice cold wind whipped against your face, panting desperately as your feet pounded against the ground. Your vision tunnelled through the trees and foliage that stretched out ahead you. Your body burned with the feeling of cruel hands grabbing, holding you down, your stomach churned as your strength failed to keep up with your need to keep running. As your body begins to break down you fall to your knees, an overwhelming smell of blood, rust and something you can’t quite place fills your nose as the feeling you were running from catches up to you.

Suffocating, painful and cruel. You desperately look around your surroundings to try to find an escape and that’s when you see her, Janie. Sprawled out on the ground in front of you with an empty, vacant expression on her face, your eyes trail down her body as you struggle to focus when you feel the hands on your body grip you tighter, moving lower towards your hips, towards your thighs. Her body was covered in blood, torn open, naked from the waist down. You let out a blood curdling scream, shooting up from your bed panting, desperately feeling and looking over yourself. As your vision settled on your body laying in the bed you pulled a few deep breaths, the weight of the dream fading slowly.

———

With no training scheduled till tomorrow you decided you’ll take the day to walk around, maybe clear your head. You took careful note of everything, recalling the places you’d seen on the map last night, marking exits, and entryways, memorising the ways through the hallways.
You entered into the mess hall, a large room with high ceilings, lined with rows of tables. Up the back of the room a small supply store, and to the left, the kitchen. You were given a few food rations with your bag of supplies yesterday, so you figured you’d have those before throwing yourself into the hungry den of wolves, literally. But as you decided to turn and leave, a voice called out to you from the back corner of the room, stopping you in your tracks from fleeing the scene.

‘Hey! Newbie’ a man’s voice called, his tone friendly and warm. You turned to face him, your eyes like a deer caught in headlights.
‘I haven’t seen you around before’ you note the accent in his voice as he strides over, confident and relaxed.

‘Manny! Come on we have to leave, or we’ll be late for patrol’

Both yours and Manny’s eyes snap to the woman standing behind him, tall, muscular, with her dirty blonde hair pulled back in a braid.

‘Aye, I’m just trying to get acquainted with the new recruits’ he said with a smug teasing tone looking you over without any shame, like he knows it’ll annoy the woman standing behind him but he almost finds some enjoyment in it.
‘Manny!’ She barked with a growing frustration, eyes shot wide, leaving no room for argument.

‘Ok ok’ he threw his hands up in defeat and let out a chuckle. ‘To be continued, newbie’ he reached forward to place a hand on your shoulder to pat you goodbye but you jerked away, his hand flinched, concern and confusion washing over his face for a second. ‘Sorry’ he said just above a whisper before he turned to leave, walking past the blonde woman, whose eyes were still on you, expression unreadable, but she held her gaze for just a second too long before turning to follow Manny.
You turned and left too, shaken up a bit from the interaction.

———

Back in your room, pacing, thinking, trying not to spiral. You made it all the way here, you could’ve died so many times, you could’ve given up and joined Dean and Janie, but you kept going for them. You held on for them, so that their deaths wouldn’t have been for nothing, so this could all mean something and now; they are giving you a chance here to prove yourself, a chance to survive. You will need to do more than just hide and cower away, but fuck. You’ve never been more alone. You’ve never been more scared. Could this really ever work?

The day passed slowly, you had found a little spot, just down the hall from your apartment, through a door that opened to the inside of the middle of the stadium.
The centre field overtaken with livestock, and the stadium concourse lined with stores and small little spaces where people worked. You watched everything move and work together, taking in the scale of the operation. From where you sat you could see where all the patrols came through as they returned. You watched carefully, how they all carried themselves, how they walked, how they held their weapons.
You picked at the skin around your nail absentmindedly as you kept your eyes sweeping your surroundings. Your fingers freezing when your eyes landed on a pair of familiar figures, the man who spoke to you in the mess hall, Manny, and the woman who was with him. You watched them walk back through the stadium and up the stairs off to the far left of you, you kept your eyes on them both before they disappeared behind a door.

———

You didn’t need to wonder if you’d see them again in the mess hall for dinner because they were already there when you walked in, Manny’s eyes found you immediately. Fuck.

‘Hey! There she is! The new mystery woman’ he said with way too much confidence and charm. You pulled your brows together in confusion at his comment. Mystery woman?

‘Um, what?’ Your eyes shot wide. Have people been talking about you?

‘Manny, stop freaking her out’ the woman said, her tone hard, seated on the other side of the table facing the two of you.

‘Ok ok sorry, relax, I won’t bite’ he chuckled, gesturing down at the spot next to him. You moved slowly and sat in the seat, your eyes darting around frantically from the table, to the rest of the room, scanning for possible exits like a cornered animal.
Manny noticed and put his hand out towards you on the table, not to touch you but just to grab your attention and steady you gaze.

‘Hey’ he said softer, warmth in his tone and he leaned in slightly. ‘I remember my first week here too’ he turned to the blonde sitting opposite you both on the table, her posture pulled tight and her face was impossible to read. ‘Right Abby? We all had a rough time adjusting when we got here a few years ago’
Abby’s brows pulled together for a second as tho dipping into a memory for just a moment before offering up a flat ‘yeah, sure’ as a response, absentmindedly picking at the food in front of her.

‘Tsk, Whatever’ Manny teased at her attitude. ‘Don’t mind miss sunshine over here, she’s just mad I had to save her ass for once on patrol today’ he said smugly with the biggest shit eating grin, which earned him an eye roll from across the table.
‘But of course, sorry, I’m being rude’ he turned fully to you, offering you his full attention. ‘I forgot to ask you for your name’
Your eyes dropped to the table, pausing for a long moment.

‘Alma’ you said quietly while looking away, heat suddenly rising up your neck to your face.
‘Alma’ Manny repeated. ‘I’ll make sure to remember-‘
‘I have to go’ you interrupted standing up from the table suddenly.

‘Oh, uhh ok. See you around!’ Manny called from the table as you bolted towards the exit.
Tomorrow you’d have training, you needed to calm down and get some rest, or this was going to be a disaster.

Chapter Text

You made sure you got up early today, it was your first day of training and you were to meet a group of other new recruits by the armoury for shooting practice. You got dressed, pulled on your boots and coat, made sure you looked somewhat neat in the scuffed reflection of your bathroom mirror.

The hallways were cold as you walked through them alone, and when you made it to the armoury there was already a small group of soldiers standing around, about seven. You kept your head down, knowing you could snap or break, the second someone gave you the chance.
After a few more people trickled in, making the group about twelve, an older soldier approached the group with a clipboard and addressed the group with a firm voice, loud and projecting into the room.

‘Alright new recruits. You’ll each be given a handgun and a long range rifle to take with you in the shooting range. We are going to want to see your accuracy with both.’
He turned and picked up a rifle and handed it to a man that was standing closest to him.

‘Care to demonstrate’ he said coldly, gesturing toward the room to the right. The young man walked over and entered the room, a round of shots sounded from the room, then a pause, and a second round of shots.
‘You can go’ the soldier said to the man as he exited the shooting room, taking the rifle back from him. He turned towards the rest of us.
‘You’ll each take turns, no more than 3 in the room at a time. And make sure you write your name on the shooting targets before you leave’

You hung back and watched the first few people go through the room, each being dismissed as they completed the task. The back of you head was burning before you turned to see a woman staring daggers at you, looking you up and down like you were something to conquer. Competition. She was about your height and build, with warm red hair tied back off her face.

‘The fuck are you looking at?’ You spat. Her face lit up like a predator about to devour their prey, clearly satisfied you took the bait.

‘You know…’ she said with a slow pull on each word, eyes narrowing ‘I’ve never seen you around before’ she took a few strides over. ‘Where did you come from?’ She asked, voice now harsh and cruel.

You scoffed in her face. ‘Like I’d fucking tell you anything’. And before she had the chance to snap back with something, the soldier by the door watching took notice and barked an order to step up next in line. You and and girl took your assigned firearms and stepped into the room.
You held up the rifle first, feeling its weight and letting it ground you, shaking off the gaze of the girl in the next booth over.

You took a deep breath before each shot, landing most of them somewhat towards the centre. You fired till the click of the now empty magazine replaced the kick and force of your previous shots.

Using your handgun was easier, you’d always carry one on you. As you held it up to the target your vision flashed for just a moment, and you were now outside the back of your old home. Holding your gun up towards the FEDRA soldiers closing in on you, with your brother Dean running towards you before you were tackled to the ground, and in place of the memory of that man’s body hitting against yours, you stumbled back tripping over your feet knocking against the window on the back wall. The girl who had taunted you earlier looked over at you like she was enjoying every second of you falling apart, you could feel her see through all you defences, she can see how broken you are, everyone can see how broken you are. Her chuckle snapped you back, pulling your rage to the front of your chest. You took in a deep breath, stepped back towards the target and landed every. single. one. Dead centre.

Your eyes then snapped to her, a warning. She stood smug and you wanted to rip her apart.
You left the room and handed back in the rifle and handgun you used along with the target sheets, the supervising soldier dismissed you as he did everyone before you. The girl followed.

‘Hey! Freak!’ You walked faster, trying to ignore her before you snapped.
She let out an almost villainous laugh ‘What the fuck was that little freak out about huh?’ She said as she caught up to you and grabbed your shoulders to turn you around. That was it. You were seeing red.

Before she turned you to face her you were already swinging your fist and met her face right across the cheek, enough force for her to stumble back. When she swung in retaliation, the heat of the impact blooming across your face snapped something in you, and in seconds you were on the ground on top of her punching her over and over again while two soldiers had to pry you off her. You were panting, blabbering, thrashing about and completely out of control. Your eyes burned with the threat of tears and your knuckles were bloody.

‘HEY! CUT THAT SHIT OUT NOW!’

A loud call from down the hall, coming from the supervising soldier. He walked a few spaces over, looked you up and down ‘take her to Isaac’ he spat at the men who had to pry you off the redhead before you almost killed her then and there. You looked over at her, kneeling against the wall, face all bloody. She looked at you with fear now, and you almost couldn’t help but feel good about wiping that smug fucking look off her fucking face.

———

You sat outside Isaacs office waiting to be called in. One of the other men went in first, likely to explain what had happened.
When it was just you waiting now, he came to the door to and motioned with his head to come inside.

‘Look’ he said sounding like a warning. ‘You’re new around here, so you don’t know how this works’ He looked up at you from his desk, eyes a threat. You felt a shiver and your breath hitched as you tried to steady yourself.
‘I will let you off with a warning. But if I hear so much as a whisper of you causing any trouble again, you’re done. Got it’
You nodded, afraid your voice would fail you if you tried speaking.
The vagueness of his threat was enough to scare you for now. He got up from his chair and walked past you towards the door.

‘Follow me’ he ordered. Tone flat, with no room for questioning.

Isaac took you down an elevator to the bottom floor of the stadium. The smell hit your nose before you could register what you were looking at, and you felt your face go cold as all the blood drained from you when you took in the sight in front of you.
Cells after cells lined the hallway with bloody bodies, all naked and emaciated. Some sobbing, some whispering prayers to themselves, you tried not to shake. Was he going to put you in here with them?
He didn’t speak, he just kept walking, steps slow and controlled, till he stopped in front of one of the cells, inside a young man, probably about the same age as you were. Naked and maimed, you were surprised to still see him breathing.

‘If you really need to let off some steam…’ and he hands you a pocket knife. Eyes locked to the man inside the cell in-front of him. It only took a second before you realised what he was asking you to do. He turns to face you slowly closing the gap between you, towering over your frame.
‘You want to earn your place here? Show me why I shouldn’t have just let my men kill you when they brought you in here’
You realise at that moment he wasn’t just asking you, you didn’t have a choice.
You take the knife slowly from his hands and Isaac unlocks the cell for you. As you stepped inside the man on the floor looked up at you, to weak to fight back. You kick against his shoulder with your foot so he was laying on his back and knelt down in front of him. His breaths were laboured. In a moment your mind and body weren’t connected, you pressed the knife to the top of his chest and dragged the blade slowly down to his abdomen, leaving a trail of blood behind. The man’s screams blacked out the rest of your sense and his face contorted, shifted, into the face of that man who tried to kill you in the forest.

After you lost Dean, you and Janie were captured by a man who spent days carving into you, claiming you whenever he wanted. You had killed him too, but not before it was too late, not before you had found Janie torn apart, bloody and lifeless. You drove your knife into his chest over and over on the floor of his cabin, long after he was already dead, you tore through his flesh and bones as if each strike would repair something in you, like you needed it to bring Janie back, your body back. You heaved and sobbed as you plunged the knife into him, strike after strike, the echo of his screaming long since gone, replaced by the wet bloody sounds of your knife driving through his lifeless flesh.

It’s not until the shock of Isaacs voice behind you calling ‘ok enough!’ Do you come back to yourself and see the mess of blood under you, and the remains of what used to resemble a man.
You stumbled back in shock and you look over at Issac horrified but he seems impressed with you, with your brutality, with your anger. He steps away from the cell door leaving it open.
‘You can go’ he says plainly before walking away.

———

You make a beeline to the showers, desperate to wash the whole day off of you. You pick a stall at the very end of the room, hoping to have more privacy that way and start the shower. You wait for the steam to rise from the water before you step inside, closing your eyes as you let all the blood wash off you. The heat offered the smallest amount of comfort but it wasn’t enough, your whole body was still shaking.
You heard the sound of distant voices enter the bathroom and make quick work to get out, dry yourself, and change into your clean clothes.

You don’t know what it is you need, but your chest ached so deeply with something, something that can take the weight of all of this, comfort? Safety? You walked back to your room and right as you turned the last corner you were faced with Abby and Manny. Again.

‘Hey Alma!’ Manny beamed, ‘I was hoping to run into you actually, I wanted to give you something’ he said as he started fumbling through his bag.

The absurdity of what he just said snapped you out of it for a second. What is he talking about?
‘If this is some kind of joke I’m not interested’ you said with abit more bite than you intended. You crossed your arms across your chest in hopes it’ll hide how much you were still shaking, hoping they’d leave to let you disappear till the noise stops.

But, He let out a warm laugh, and reached into his bag and pulled out a small brown bottle, he hands it to you like it’s a trophy. Abby lets out a groan and rolls her eyes.
‘oh my god, He’s be parading that shit around all week’ she says gesturing toward the bottle.

‘It’s not ‘shit’ abs it’s liquid gold’

Abby lets out another groan rolls her eyes so aggressively you’d have laughed in any other circumstance, she crosses her arms almost mirroring your posture, and stood with a bit of a pout on her face.
‘Just think of it as a little welcoming gift’ he said with a warm smile, like he doesn’t have a single idea of what Isaac just made you do mere hours ago.
Your face didn’t offer much of a response to him, you were still shaking.

‘Just take it Alma, before he gets annoying about it’ Abby said dropping her arms to her side, noticing your hesitation. You reached slowly for it, praying they wouldn’t notice you shake, once you grabbed it you inspected the bottle in your hand for a moment, not really knowing what to say.

‘Are-Are you ok?’ Abby asked earnestly, taking a step toward you, noticing now that your whole body was shaking like a dog.

‘I’m fine’ you shot out way too fast to be believable taking a step back away from her, you looked up at Manny for just a second and mumbled a ‘thanks’ under your breath before taking off towards your room. You were desperate for sleep, for anything that’ll make you forget, maybe the alcohol would help.

The second the door closed behind you, you twisted open the bottle in your hand. It smelled like something resembling whiskey, you didn’t hesitate to make your way through almost half of the bottle before you blacked out.

Chapter Text

You wake with a pounding headache, but also with some relief that the alcohol kept the dreams away. You had your second day of training which started out on the stadium field.
You show up with a cloud of ‘fuck off’ energy surrounding you, staring daggers into anyone who even dared to look at you.
Today was all about physical performance, you were made to run laps, push and pull heavy crates across the field and run through timed courses with heavy equipment.
You kept your focus and your head down, praying you could just will the hangover away when every breath started to burn and your head felt it might explode.

When the end of the day came around it was time for hand to hand combat practice. You felt your face go cold and heart jump at the thought for a second. You can’t fuck it up today.

So, You held back, even though it would make you look bad to the training officers. You pulled your punches, and ended up beat and bruised by the end of the day.

———

The day was finally done, after the quick assessment yesterday, you did not expect the hours on hours of running around and physical labour they put you through today. You were now in desperate need to feel the comforting heat of the shower.

———

You lingered under the water for a while thinking about yesterday, how you beat up that girl. The sting in your knuckles and the burning across your face. How you wanted to do it, how you wanted to hurt her.
And then you thought of the man in the cell you tore apart. Undeserving. He couldn’t fight back, yet your body took over like some kind of monster.
You knew the reality of where you were and of what these people were capable of, now more than ever. If you were going to be a soldier you would have to get used to this, you wondered if that was something anyone could ever do, let alone you.

After you cleaned up and the shower ran cold, you inspected your newly forming bruises on your face and body in the mirror, running your fingers over them slowly, wincing at the tenderness of the flesh. You would be nothing but a bloody pulp if you had to do that again tomorrow.

You stopped by the mess hall to grab some rations for dinner, you weren’t going to be dragged into another painful conversation by Manny, you wanted to be alone, you needed to be alone.
Your face burned and your body ached as you crossed the room, even though you kept your head down, you could feel a piercing gaze burning into you, one that felt almost dangerous.
Abby had noticed you walk in, along with all the bruises and marks on your face, her gaze was locked on you, watching, studying you.
What the fuck was her problem?? You tried brushing her off but her stare felt distracting. You fumbled with your food, heat rushing to your face. You felt absolutely ridiculous practically falling over yourself like a newborn giraffe before almost running off to get back to your room for the rest of the night.

———

The bedroom door slammed behind you, your eyes drifted to the bottle of alcohol again, you thought about drowning your nightmares again but you had already almost had half the bottle just from last night alone. Fucking idiot, you should’ve savoured it, at least for when you fucking needed it.

Tonight you couldn’t hide from your nightmares, despite how tired you were, they still made it through in cracks and flickers.
Running through the forest.
Blood splattering across your face.
The drive of your knife through tender flesh.
Dean falling.
Janie’s lifeless body covered in blood.

Everything covered in blood.
Every wall, every corner, oozing thick black blood, coating everything getting closer and closer. It’s suffocating, the closer it gets the harder it is to breathe. You panic and run to the bathroom only when you look up to see your reflection in the mirror, you are also oozing blood. It’s falling from your eyes, out your ears and mouth and when you look down at your hands, it’s pouring from them too. You fall to the ground heaving, clawing at your neck desperate to breathe, and just when you think you can’t hold out any longer, just when the strain in your throat feels like it’s about to burst you shoot awake with a scream.

Chapter Text

It had been a few weeks of training now, in a few more weeks they would start assigning you all patrols. You couldn’t fucking wait, not because you necessarily wanted to be on patrol for any particular reason but because you were absolutely dying to get away from her. That girl that taunted you on your first day. You had learnt her name was Holly and she was the daughter of a retired soldier. She walked around like everyone in this place owed her something, and oh my god did you hate her.
Thankfully for Holly, the threat of being taken back into those prisoner cells was enough for now to keep you in check.
And for the most part, after you fucked her up a few weeks ago, she’s mostly kept to herself. But every time you do just a little better than her, or run a little faster, or hit your targets better, her gaze grows sharper on you. She was wildly jealous, whatever for? You’d never be able to guess. Maybe it was just her way to prove herself, or maybe she just decided she hated you and that was that.

Today was different, she needed you to break. She had shoulder checked you on her way in, making sly remarks under her breath before she found the bravery to speak them out loud.

‘So, are you just never going to talk to anyone here ever?’

‘Nothing I’d want to say’ you shot back.

Holly hummed, ‘you never did tell me where you came from’

You looked away. What could you say to her? What could she possibly understand about what you had to do to survive, just to get here.

‘You know…’ she took a few steps closer to you and leaned towards you.
‘The more you do that, the more it makes me think you’ve done something fucked up’

‘Do what?’ You replied flatly.

She chuckled. ‘Oh yeah, you definitely did something you’re trying to hide’
She leaned in closer, to whisper in your ear.
‘Did you kill your whole family something?’

You flinched back for a second and Holly looked almost pleased. She found a soft spot. Your family.

‘Awwww. Do you not have a family anymore?’ She cooed.

‘Don’t you fucking dare talk about my family, you don’t know anything’ you spat under your breath, trying to keep yourself levelled, trying to avoid the slow bubbling rage under your skin.
Holly took a step back, looking you up and down.

‘How did they all die Alma?’ She said with her voice sickly sweet. ‘You know, I heard some people who live on your floor say they hear you screaming at night’ her face contorted into a wicked smile and heat flooded to your face. The rage vibrating under your skin.

‘Do you dream of them?’ She took a step closer towards you. A dangerous game.
‘Do you see their faces Alma? Can you still hear their screams?’ - that was it. The final straw in a second you had her pinned to the wall with your forearm digging into her neck, her hands reached up to your arms and tried to push you off but you were seeing red ‘who the FUCK do you think you are, what the FUCK do you think you know about me’ you spat like venom before punching her square in the face with your other hand.
You felt two pairs of hands pry you off her before you could get another hit in and your back hit the floor, winding you for a second.

Training instructor yells at the the two men who were now holding you down ‘can you two get her and the other the the fuck out of here! NOW!’

———

You prayed you wouldn’t end back here, but you and Holly were dragged back outside Isaacs office.
Holly went in first, you wondered what kind of lies she’s try to bait him with. You couldn’t make out any of the words but you could hear the low rumble of Isaacs voice and occasionally the soft faint sound of hers in response.

When the door opened her head was hung low, she didn’t look at you as she left the room and walked away. Isaac gestured with his head to follow him inside his office.
The room was a lot more cluttered than last time you were here, there was maps pinned up on the walls and smaller ones spread out across the table and his desk. All covered in markings and notes.

‘You know, I really hoped I wouldn’t see you back here.’ He said without looking up at you.

You hung your head. ‘I know’.

‘For the record, i don’t believe a single thing that girl says’

You eyes shot up and met his, he was looking at you, but not as harsh as his eyes had been previously.

‘I think she deserved it. I’ve had more than one complaint about her’ he leaned back in his chair, posture shifting to a more relaxed state.

‘Look, I think you are done with your training, ok?’
‘I’ve been talking to some of my soldiers about taking a new recruit for a while now and I’ve got two of my best who wanted you on their squad’

The sense of relief that washed over you was better than anything you’d felt in what feels like months. You were preparing to be sent down to the cells again, or even worse, cut up and tortured down there yourself.
But now, you were not only getting out of the rest of your training but Isaac seems to trust you.

‘I’m going to send one of them to get you first thing in the morning tomorrow ok? Be ready. And do not disappoint me.’ The end of his sentence pulled back a bit of his familiar harshness. You knew what this meant.
He might trust you right now, but this could be your last chance.

‘Understand?’ He snapped a little more harsh.

‘Yes sir’