Archive of Our Own ^beta

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🎼 𝓢𝓹𝓪𝓻𝓴𝓼 -- 𝒞ℴ𝓁𝒹𝓅𝓁𝒶𝓎

The last 3 years of college were for Y/n L/n the happiest she had ever been. She was finishing her Masters in her dream school, living with her boyfriend of 5 years with whom she could already picture herself at the altar. No really, life was great and she found herself surrounded with people she loved all the time. One of her best friends was even getting married soon in her fiancé's home in Brazil, and all of the friend group was helping her plan it. So when she got that phone call, Y/n couldn't have in a million years thought that anything could have wrong. In fact, she thought her life had just reached a new height of happiness.This was her milestone of the decade. She had landed her dream job as an assistant diplomat in her home embassy. Only one small detail, the future she had dreamed of happened to be miles away, in Argentina, a country she had never been to before. 

As soon as she stepped inside, she dropped her keys on the shelf, letting out a big sigh. She checked her watch, it was around 8pm, he should be home already. Suga, short for Sugawara, was her other half in the good and the bad. He was there for her in senior year when she got rejected from her dream school, and stuck by her side until she finally got in 3 years later. She had to tell him, after all he was here for her in all of her other accomplishments, she wanted him to be here for this one as well. 

Y/n stepped in deeper in the apartment and could now finally hear the sound of oil sizzling. Sugawara was by the kitchen aisle cooking tonight's dinner when she entered. His face lit up in a smile when he saw her enter.

- "Hey babe, I tried to call as soon as I saw your message. Everything alright ?"

She gave a small nod while taking off her coat.

- "Suga, there's something I need to tell you. Nothing bad so don't freak out ok ? It's good news actually. You remember that job placement I applied for ? "

- "Yeah! That one assistant position right ? I'm so proud of you babe, this is big news! I mean I didn't doubt you for a second."

He turned off the stove, stepping toward her. "Now is probably the time to look at cars right ? With you commuting and stuff... But that's ok let's celebrate first! I was thinking we could check out that one place downtown, they have..."

She cut him off with a small, nervous laugh.

- "Suga... that's not all there is. This position, like the phone call I mean, they want me to move to Argentina. It's pretty normal considering they only had an opening because the previous assistant had another assignment but still. I know it's a lot to take in at once but hey, I'm sure we can still make it work right ? It's gonna be like that time you were in Italy for a semester and..."

She stopped herself in her pace at the sight of the shock on his face.

-"Y/n, I mean... a part of me wants you to go for it, you know? It's all you've ever dreamed of. But as your partner, it's just hard to hear this. And don't compared this to Italy ?! Babe Argentina's like the other side of the world and we're not talking about 6 months, but potentially years. I just... I don't know how this works."

She felt tears rushing to her eyes. She imagined dozens of scenarios on her way here and this was by far way worst. Her voice was raising a little as she was starting to get frustrated.

-"What do you mean? We can't throw away all of this for some stupid distance! We're both adults. We have video calls, flights, everything—we can make it work I'm sure."

He sighed, stepping back and dragging a finger over his brow, eyes avoiding hers.

-"That's just a lot to process right now. I need some time to make a decision. Maybe we need to take a step back. Just for a while. You know, to figure something out and give each other space..."

She started at him, mouth wide open, completely in disbelief of the last few words he had just uttered. Seing the shock on her face, his eyes widened and he tried to correct himself.

-"No, y/n I didn't mean it that way... I just think we should talk about this more and maybe right now is not the moment for that. Maybe after dinner we-.."

-"You're right," she cuts him off. "Now isn't a good time. Let's just...sit down and eat. How was your day ?" The words tasted bitter in her mouth, but she forced them out anyway.

He stared at her then with a small nod answered her question. Dinner went without any other major events and after washing the dishes, they sat down as usual to watch an episode of their favorite sitcom. They had just finished getting ready for bed and as Sugawara was still brushing his teeth, Y/n sat on the edge of the bed wondering what to do now. When he came out of the bathroom, he sat down on the other edge and let out a big sigh. The silence was heavy and awkward, something they haven't experienced in years. She decided to break the tension.

-"About what you said earlier, the break or whatever. I'm not sure how to feel about it. And don't get me wrong, I hate the idea. But I also love you so much and I can't see us breaking up for something this stupid."

-"So you're saying yes ?"

- "What do you mean ? Nothing is final yet." She looked at him visibly confused.

-"I meant Argentina. You're going for sure ?"

-"Suga... I just can't let this opportunity slip away. I would hate myself for it so much you could not even imagine. And you know how much it means to me."

-"Well then I'm not sure what there is to talk about." Hearing those words come out of his mouth made her swallow hard. "Y/n, I love you so much. And I also don't want this to end. But I feel worried about long distance and the challenges it's going to bring. I don't want to break up, but I want to have some space, at least for a month or two I don't know."She didn't know what to say. "When do you need to leave ?"

- "In 3 weeks. My place and everything else is already figured out I just need to give the greenlight." Tears started running down her face, there was nothing holding them back now.

-"Hey, hey don't cry please," he said hugging her tightly. "I don't want you to think I've given up on us Y/n, I just need some time to figure stuff out" 

She sniffled hard and mumbled in his neck. "I know, but it stills hurts." The both of them stayed put, enjoying the tight and warm embrace while it lasted. 

Sugawara finally got up and headed for the living room. Y/n pulled the covers over herself in silence. He didn't ask to go there. And she didn't stop him. He slept on the couch and she shaked from her uncontrollable sobs on their cold and empty bed. Tonight was supposed to be joyful and yet, she found a way to ruin it. Again. 

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🎼 𝓟𝓪𝓻𝓽𝓲𝓻 𝓭𝓮 𝓜𝓲 -- 𝒩𝒶𝓉𝒶𝓁𝒾𝒶 ℒ𝒶𝒻ℴ𝓊𝓇𝒸𝒶𝒹ℯ

Y/n has always despised the sounds of alarm clocks. She and Sugawara used to always bicker around their utility. “If I have to start the day,” she’d argue, “I want to do it on my own terms, not to the piercing sound of apocalypse sirens at 7:59 a.m.” Today, she didn’t want to get up at all. The bed was warm but empty, yet it still felt more comforting than her empty apartement. Y/n never took herself for the type of person that would miss someone’s simple presence. Yet she missed how loud his laugh would echo within these walls. She longed for when the mellow sound of his morning voice would replace the shrill of her alarms. Today again, she extended her hand to the other pillow and was met with nothing but the gentle feeling of cold linen sheets under her fingers. 

She sighed deeply and reached for her phone on the night stand. 8:24AM. She was almost half an hour behind schedule. « Shit. » she whispered to herself while hurriedly getting out of bed. She rushed to her bathroom and before hopping in the shower, took a quick glance at herself in the mirror. She looked exhausted. Her complexion was getting paler from the lack of sunlight in the last week or so. And the darkness under her eyes also gave it away. No need for alarms, she barely slept anyways.

After getting dressed, she wondered if she should put on makeup today. She didn’t want him to get worried about her. Not when she was just about to leave so far away. But a part of her wanted him to see her like that. To understand how deep she was hurting. Perhaps he was hurting as well. She knew he was, and that didn’t make her feel better at all. She settled on light make up, some concealer and a bit of blush. This camouflage did nothing, the pain still lingered on her features.

When she was done getting ready, she went in the kitchen to fix herself a cup of coffee and something to eat. She gave up on the later quickly, the overwhelming memories of the space filled her up and left no place for any appetite. A text message made her phone ring in her back-pocket. It was Sugawara. He and Daichi were on the way to the apartment. She hadn’t seen him in a little over 2 weeks. After their argument, if you can even call it as such, he left for his friends house. « To leave her some space » he said. But she was convinced it was because he couldn’t bear to see her pack their last 5 years together away in 2 checked bags and a carry on. Perhaps she was right. But it didn’t matter. She was leaving anyway.

She had packed away the last bit of her stuff in one of the moving boxes. A lucky charm. The lucky charm he gave her the first time they went to visit temple together for new years. Acting careful that no eyes were on her in this empty apartment, she carefully slid the good luck charm in a suitcase. The doorbell rang and she jumped, as if guilty of a sin she hadn't committed. She felt ashamed, it was unlike her to not know when to let go. She slowly got up and opened the door and was faced by him, alone. His face was distorted, seeming both uncomfortable and sad at the same time, trying to avoid her gaze. «You ready? ». He was now looking directly into her eyes. She knew his question wasn’t about the suitcases behind her, or about the lease documents to sign. « Yeah. ». He smiled at her, « You’re not the type to give up easily. I always loved this about you.» She looked away, « Don’t. Please. » He nodded in understanding and went in to grab the bags.

The ride to the airport was awfully quiet, only broken at times by some attempts of small talk by Daichi, or from Sugawara clearing his throat. After what seemed like forever, they arrived at the departure terminal. They helped her unload the bags and it was finally time for goodbyes. Daichi went first, gave her a friendly hug, and went on about how he wished her all the best in this new journey. To be fair, she wasn’t fully paying attention, too busy staring at Sugawara standing behind him.  Once Daichi finally released her from his embrace,  she smiled at him before stepping towards Sugawara. « I’ll miss you. » she said, « I guess you probably already know that but— ». He didn’t let her finish. His arms wrapped around her in an instant, holding her close as if trying to memorize her scent one last time. She felt tears running down her face, her throat started to sting as she hugged him tighter.  « I’ll text you. » he said quietly as he let go. « We are always behind you, no matter what. ». His face wore a warm expression, but she could see through his eyes, the pain that lied within. She turned toward the door and fought as hard as she could against the urge to look back. There truly was no going back.

When she arrived at her gate, she finally sat down for the first time in the last hour. Between customs, luggage handling and the god awful line for the bathroom, she barely had any time to breathe. She grabbed her phone instinctively to check notifications and saw a text message from her dad. 

« Your flight should be boarding soon. Don’t forget to send a message when you land. ». 

When she clicked the conversation, another text appeared. 

« I’m proud of you. »

She wanted to cry—right there, right in the middle of the terminal—but it felt too humiliating to fall apart in front of so many strangers. Instead, she decided to FaceTime her friend. 

« Hey there! » picked up a bubbly voice.

She smiled at the phone. « Hey Aimee, how are you ? How’s the wedding preparation going ? »

« Awful! I hate this so much Y/n, so close to just call it off and get married in my backyard. » 

She laughed , « I know you too well to know you would never. »

The blond smirked at the screen. « You’re right, but it doesn’t make it any better. I feel like I’m putting so much pressure on myself, at least that’s what Ravi said. But I just want our special day to be perfect. Is that too much to ask ? » 

Her friend’s wedding was planned for February, at her fiancé’s family home in Rio de Janeiro. They still had over six months, but she knew better than to remind Aimee—unless she wanted to hear the usual spiel: “Six months?! Do you have any idea how long it takes to plan a wedding, Y/n?!”

« I’m sure it will be wonderful. You guys are perfect together anyways, and that’s what’s important. »

Aimee smiled. « That is true. How about you and Sugawara ? I have a feeling that man is proposing any seconds now. Not to stress you guys out of course. »

Her face turned white. « About that, I—» 

An announcement cut her off mid speech. « Sorry Aims, I gotta go, my flight is boarding right now. »

« That’s ok, let me know whenever you land. Have a safe flight! ».

She smiled  before hanging up. A text popped up on her screen. « Love you lots! ». She needed to tell her, just not right now.  

A few minutes later, she had finally boarded her plane. Seated at 27B,  the adrenaline rush from the past hours went down and she now felt a horrible mix of dread and excitement. Horrible for her stomach, that is. As she looked through the window and saw the Tokyo skyline, realization hit her that this was the last time she would see this city before a while. Tokyo slipped away beneath her. She felt it, the thrill of leaving on her own, chasing a life she’d always dreamed of.