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It should have been simple. Routine, even.
Jayce needed a minor medical procedure for which he would be anesthetized, which meant that he was required to bring someone with him to the surgery who would take him home afterward and stay with him for the next twenty-four hours in case he had a belated reaction to the drugs.
Viktor was, of course, more than willing to do this for Jayce. They were partners. Best friends. And if Viktor had been nursing a massive crush on Jayce since approximately two hours after their first meeting -- well, he wasn't special in that regard, was he? Jayce was handsome and charming and brilliant and sincere and just enough of an asshole to not be annoyingly perfect. Nearly everyone had a crush on Jayce, Viktor was pretty certain.
Of course, working together for years in close proximity had grown Viktor's crush into something much more devastating, but that only made him more inclined to drop everything whenever Jayce needed help.
They went together to the outpatient surgery clinic, and Viktor was introduced to the doctor and anesthetist and nurses.
The medical team all took in Viktor's slender frame and the cane that he was leaning on. Then, as one, they all turned to consider Jayce's much more heavily-built stature. Viktor watched as they all exchanged looks in silent communication, and eventually it was the anesthetist who was elected to say, "Ah, I don't wish to offend, but are you certain you can handle this, sir? The anesthesia is likely to leave Mr. Talis feeling dizzy for some hours following the procedure, and he may need significant support."
It wasn't offensive, exactly. Viktor knew that, even aside from his own medical issues, he looked like a stiff wind might carry him away. Especially when compared to the much more solidly-built Jayce. But he had, in fact, learned years ago how to deal with a significant portion of Jayce's weight, not only from moving heavy equipment around the lab, but also from Jayce himself, who was prone to randomly draping himself over Viktor's back to whine about their latest dead end, or to slumping into a doze against Viktor's side when they'd been working too long.
Before Viktor could summon a polite reassurance, Jayce laughed outright. "Viktor hasn't been my partner for so long without learning how to handle me," he assured them. "Trust me, he's got this."
Another exchange of speaking looks as the team debated whether to press the issue with the notoriously stubborn Jayce. "Very well," the surgeon finally said. "Mr. Talis, please go with the nurse to prepare. Mr--"
"Just Viktor, please."
"Viktor. If you will take a seat here in the waiting room, we will let you know as soon as Mr. Talis is out of surgery."
The procedure didn't take very long, thankfully. An hour later, the nurse came back out to fetch Viktor to Jayce's bedside. "He's still a little loopy from the anesthesia," she warned him as she showed him to Jayce's recovery room. "It should clear up in two or three hours. If you'll sit with him for a little bit while we put together his discharge paperwork and instructions for post-operative care, you can take him home to sleep it off." She knocked on the door and then opened it without waiting for a response. "Mr. Talis? Here's your escort home!" She waved Viktor in, and bustled off to her other duties.
Jayce was, as could be expected, in the bed, which had been adjusted so he was mostly sitting up. His eyes widened as Viktor came in. "Hi," he breathed. "Ohhh gosh. You're going to help me get home?"
"And watch you for the next day, to ensure you experience no ill side effects," Viktor agreed as he settled into the available chair. "How are you feeling?"
"Kinda dizzy," Jayce confided, as if it might be a huge secret. "My hands don't work like they're supposed to. Look!" He made crab claws of his hands and stared at them as he opened and closed them, looking utterly entranced by the hinge of his own knuckles. A moment later, his gaze jerked back up to Viktor. "You're taking me home?"
"Yes," Viktor said, smiling a little at Jayce's confusion. It was rare, to catch Jayce being anything but sharp.
"You have a really pretty smile," Jayce said earnestly.
Viktor fought down a blush. Jayce didn't really know what he was saying, he reminded himself. "Thank you," he managed.
"And eyes," Jayce added. "Did you know they look like... Like gold. Like sunshine. Like, like, like..." He trailed off, then refocused again. "I like you. You're very pretty. Soooooooo pretty."
The blush might be winning. "Ah, thank you," Viktor said again, doing his best to ignore it. He cast around for anything to change the subject and picked up the cup of water and ice from the tray table. "Would you like something to drink?"
"Okay," Jayce said. He folded his hands very carefully around the cup. It took him two or three tries to get the straw into his mouth, but once managed, he drank down all the water and then sat back with a sigh. "That was good. I was very thirsty. You're so nice."
"I try to be," Viktor agreed, amused.
"Your accent is pretty, too," Jayce said. He put the cup back on the tray. His coordination was improving a little. He looked back at Viktor and frowned thoughtfully. "Do I know you?"
"Yes," Viktor said with an inward flinch. Not only did Jayce not know what he was saying, he didn't even know who he was saying it to. "My name is Viktor. We are, eh... partners."
Jayce's eyes got very wide again. "We are?" he gasped, and broke into a wide, delighted grin. "Oh, gosh, I'm so lucky. How long have we been together?"
"Four years and, eh, eight months," Viktor said. And twelve days and sixteen hours, he didn't say.
"Oh, wow," Jayce breathed. "Do we hold hands a lot? I like holding hands."
Everything in Viktor's brain turned to static. "...What?"
"Holding hands," Jayce repeated happily, thankfully missing whatever it was that Viktor's face was doing as he tried to recover from the realization that Jayce had interpreted partners in a way that had never applied to them outside of Viktor's guilty fantasies.
"Your hands are really nice," Jayce continued. He reached over and took Viktor's hand, and Viktor was far too stunned to stop him or resist. "Pretty, long fingers. Very neat and clean. I bet they're really strong."
Viktor couldn't do anything but watch, frozen, as Jayce turned his hand over and pressed the smallest, gentlest kiss right in the center of his palm. "I can't believe I get to have you for my partner," Jayce said. He sounded besotted. He looked besotted.
]ayce could not actually be in love with Viktor, could he? Surely, this was merely a delusion created by the last dregs of the cocktail of anesthetic drugs.
It was a good thing they were already in a medical facility, because Viktor might need to have his heart re-started.
Viktor swallowed, mentally thanking Janna that Jayce was still under the effect of the drugs, because if Jayce were in his right mind, he would definitely notice the blush that had covered Viktor's entire face as well as his near-speechless state.
"Are we married?" Jayce looked down at Viktor's hands. "No ring," he said sadly, and looked up at Viktor again, eyes suddenly liquid. "We're not married?"
"Ah, no," Viktor said gently.
"Why not?" Jayce's mouth twisted as if he might actually cry.
"For one thing, you have not asked me," Viktor said around the ache in his chest.
"Well, that's stupid," Jayce said decisively, and then brightened. "I'll ask now!"
"Jayce--"
Jayce pressed Viktor's hand to his own chest. "Will you marry me?" His sincerity cut like a knife.
Viktor forced himself to take a deep breath and let it out. "Do you even remember my name?"
"Of course I do!" Jayce said.
"What is it?"
"It's Vi... Uh. Hang on, it's right on the tip of my tongue."
"I'm sure," Viktor said. "Let us discuss it after we have gotten you home and you have taken a nap, all right?"
"You're gonna stay with me, though, right?" Jayce's grip tightened a little, as if he were afraid that Viktor were about to flee.
It wasn't an entirely incorrect instinct; Viktor did rather wish that he could flee.
But he had promised. And Jayce probably wouldn't remember any of this after he'd slept off the last effects of the drugs.
Right?
Viktor closed the door to Jayce's bedroom and leaned against it in utter exhaustion.
It wasn't physical exhaustion. Jayce had been a little unsteady on his feet but not excessively so; they'd made it back to Jayce's apartment without any major incidents.
The exhaustion wasn't mental, either. The last hour hadn't involved a lot of planning or calculation. Viktor had cajoled Jayce into bed for a nap with nearly shocking ease; he had been almost puppylike in his eagerness to do whatever Viktor told him to do.
No, it was emotional exhaustion, because Jayce had insisted on holding Viktor's hand almost the entire way home, and then again once he was in bed. He'd made Viktor promise three more times that they would talk about getting married as soon as Jayce woke up. He'd continued to shower Viktor with the sweetest compliments and talk about how lucky he was to have Viktor for a partner.
Viktor had wanted, so badly, to give himself up to the illusion. To let himself have Jayce for a little while. To let himself roll in the lush warmth and luxury of it, even knowing the price he'd pay at the end might be steep.
But when Viktor had asked, he'd been told that there were about even odds on whether Jayce would remember what had happened in this half-lucid state. And if Jayce actually remembered... and if Jayce's sentiment was an artefact of the drug rather than a window onto true, deep-seated emotion? Then that might ruin everything.
So he'd kept his peace. Held Jayce's hand, as requested, until Jayce had slid back into sleep.
And now he was fucking exhausted.
After a moment, he dragged himself back to his feet and made his way back to the living room to collapse onto the sofa. It was a nice sofa. Very comfortable. Jayce had made Viktor go along to pick it out, insisting that Viktor help find something he could sleep on without completely fucking up his back. "Just in case," Jayce had said, but had never told him in what case Viktor might be sleeping on Jayce's sofa.
That moment had arrived, but Viktor was reasonably sure Jayce hadn't been planning for surgery when he'd bought the couch three years ago.
Viktor rubbed at his eyes tiredly. Maybe he should take a nap.
He stretched out on the (perfect for napping) couch and closed his eyes. But his brain kept turning over what might happen, what he would say, when the drugs finally wore the rest of the way off and Jayce came out of the bedroom.
Sleep wasn't going to happen, apparently. He sat up and tore a piece of paper out of his notebook and divided it in two. At the top of one column, he wrote It meant something. On the other, he wrote It was just the drugs. Under the first column, he wrote: Will he remember? Should I mention it? Would he? In the second column, he wrote: Should I tell him?
And then Viktor realized that there were too many variables and unknown elements for him to express in a simple chart. He chewed on his lip for a moment, then turned over the page and wrote: What's the worst that could happen? and What if it's real?
But he couldn't answer those questions, either. Frustrated, he crumpled up the chart and threw it toward the trash. It missed, because of course it did. Viktor sighed and fell back onto the couch, throwing his arm over his eyes.
If he could just... see into the future, or alternate dimensions, or something. Was there any universe in which this could actually end well?
One.
The bedroom door opened, and a moment later, Jayce padded out into the living room, stretching and yawning. Viktor's eye was drawn inexorably to the strip of skin that was revealed as his arms reached up over his head.
"I feel like I could sleep for another month," Jayce said, flashing a quick grin in Viktor's direction before he detoured into the kitchen and started making a pot of coffee.
"Yes, I find that anesthetic has that effect on me, as well," Viktor said. He shoved away the mild disappointment that Jayce didn't seem to remember. "You will feel better tomorrow, most likely."
"I sure hope so." Jayce ambled back out into the living room and flopped on the other end of the couch from Viktor. "Thanks for the help. You really don't have to stick around until tomorrow, I feel fine now."
"No, I will stay," Viktor said. "Anesthesia's side-effects can be delayed."
"Up to you," Jayce said. "Hey, did I say anything funny while I was under the influence?"
Viktor's innards turned themselves into knots. Tell him, some part of himself insisted. Tell him, and then at least you'll know.
I don't want to know, if it's going to be bad!
Viktor swallowed and forced a little smile. "You had, I believe, some numbness in your fingertips, and told me they did not work properly." He demonstrated Jayce's crab claws.
Jayce laughed. "That's pretty funny."
Jayce's laugh always made Viktor's smile a little wider. "Yes," Viktor agreed. "You were very funny. You want to watch a movie?"
"Yeah, sure," Jayce said.
"Thanks again for helping me out," Jayce said as he walked Viktor out of the building the next day.
"There is no need to thank me," Viktor said. "This is what friends do for each other."
"Yeah," Jayce said as they reached the street. He scrubbed his hand over his face, then shoved it back through his hair. "Uh, listen..."
"Yes?" Viktor turned toward Jayce to see what Jayce wanted to say.
Jayce didn't want to say anything, as it happened. Jayce grabbed Viktor by the front of his shirt and then.
And then--
And--
Jayce was kissing him. Jayce was kissing him. Jayce was kissing him. Jayce was kissing him.
Jayce stopped kissing him.
Viktor had grabbed Jayce's wrists without consciously deciding to do that, and he was staring into Jayce's eyes, wholly unable to speak. He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He closed it again.
Jayce was biting his lip nervously. Viktor could read Jayce's thoughts easily enough in his eyes: he thought he had overstepped and that Viktor was upset, or even angry. Jayce opened his mouth, probably to take it back, and that spurred Viktor into action.
He surged forward, slamming their mouths together in a kiss that was more teeth than anything else until Jayce made a desperate sound and kissed him back. The instant Viktor released his hold on Jayce's wrists, Jayce's arms wrapped around him, so tightly that it felt as if Jayce were trying to press their bodies into one another.
When they parted, Viktor panted, "What-- Jayce. Why now?"
Jayce's big hands felt even bigger as they held Viktor's slender waist tightly in his grip. "Don't be mad," he said, still a little breathless, his gaze sweeping over Viktor's face, searching. "I, um, I saw your chart."
"My--" Viktor hadn't actually gotten around to properly throwing away his crumpled chart. But it hadn't held any particularly damning secrets, had it. "I don't understand."
"Clearly," Jayce said, and a very appealing blush was blooming on his cheeks, "I said something yesterday that you thought I might be embarrassed about. And I... there's only one secret I've ever kept from you, Viktor. And I thought, if. If you didn't feel the same way, then you wouldn't need a chart like that, would you? Because you're so kind. You'd just pretend it never happened and we'd go on with our lives." He lifted a hand to brush his thumb across Viktor's lips. "And I'd just go on, keeping my secret."
He looked up, his eyes soft and golden. "But you did need a chart. So I wondered if... If maybe... Maybe it wasn't as much of a risk as I thought." He searched Viktor's face again, concerned. "Are you mad?"
"Yes," Viktor said, and he pulled Jayce to him for another kiss, and another, and another. Between kisses, he murmured, "Furious. Incensed. Outraged."
Jayce whined into Viktor's mouth and caught Viktor's head between his hands to stave off yet another kiss. "You are giving me some very mixed signals here, V, can you please--"
"We could have been doing this for years," Viktor said. "I am livid."
"Oh." Jayce relaxed a little at that, and pulled Viktor more firmly into his arms. "Would you like to, um, maybe come back inside, and we can, uh, see about making up for lost time?"
"Yes," Viktor said emphatically.
"And maybe you can tell me exactly what it is that I said this morning that gave me away," Jayce suggested, grinning sheepishly.
Will you marry me?
Viktor blushed at the mere memory. "Maybe another time," he said. "Once we are all caught up."
Two.
Viktor heard Jayce's footsteps before the bedroom door opened, and sat up from his own largely unsuccessful nap.
Jayce came out still rubbing sleep-sand from his eyes and yawning. "How long did I sleep?" he asked.
Viktor glanced at the clock. "About three hours. Are you feeling more lucid now?"
"I guess so. I don't really remember much. A couple of flashes of being in Recovery, a vague impression of telling you something that you were trying not to laugh at, and maybe a little after we got back here? Did you sit with me until I fell asleep or did I dream that?" Jayce scrubbed his hands over his face again and turned toward the kitchen. "Coffee?"
"Yes, thank you," Viktor agreed. "And yes, you insisted that I stay with you."
Jayce laughed a little as he prepared the coffeemaker, clearly flustered. "Sorry about that. If I'd known how clingy I would be under the influence, I could have at least warned you."
"It was not an inconvenience," Viktor said, getting up to follow Jayce into the kitchen. "It was rather sweet, actually. And you did not take long to go to sleep, once you stopped talking."
"Oh, shit, did I say anything, ah, embarrassing?" Jayce was turned toward the counter, watching the coffee brew, but the back of his neck was red.
"Perhaps," Viktor admitted. He retrieved two mugs from Jayce's drying rack for them and set them on the counter. "You didn't recognize me at all, which I might be offended about, except that you were quite ecstatic to learn that we are partners."
Jayce laughed, a little weakly. "Well, sure. Who wouldn't want to be your partner?"
"Mm." Viktor watched Jayce closely. "You were also quite devastated to learn that we were not married yet."
Jayce sputtered and choked on his own air. "Fuck," he coughed. "I'm glad the coffee's still brewing; I'd have scalded my sinuses if I'd been trying to drink when you said that. Please tell me that you set me straight before I got too deep into that thought."
"It seemed unsporting to break your heart like that," Viktor said, knowing Jayce would hear the smile in his voice. "You were quite adorable."
Jayce would normally have slipped one of the mugs directly under the dripping coffee by now, impatient for his caffeine, but instead he just stood there, facing away from Viktor. The back of his neck was very red, though. "I'm just glad you weren't offended."
"Not at all," Viktor said. He drew a slightly deeper breath to try to smother the sudden pounding in his chest, and added, "Nor would I object to a repeat performance."
Jayce froze, so still that Viktor wasn't even sure he was still breathing. The coffee had nearly finished brewing when he finally rasped, "You... wouldn't?"
"Well. Perhaps not the proposal of marriage," Viktor amended, and Jayce snorted in, presumably, agreement. "That seems somewhat premature. But I... rather enjoyed the compliments and flirting."
"You did." It was almost a question. Viktor watched Jayce's back expand as he drew a very deep breath, and then contract as he slowly allowed it to escape. He turned toward the chillbox and took out the milk, adding their usual measures to the mugs. "It... probably wouldn't be as funny if I did it sober." He put the milk away again.
"No, I imagine not," Viktor agreed. "The seriousness would be, in fact, part of the appeal." He didn't quite hold his breath to await Jayce's reaction, but he didn't not hold it, either.
Carefully, Jayce picked up the coffee pot and poured into both of the waiting mugs. His hand shook, just a little, as he replaced it on the warming plate. He curled his hand around the mug that was always Viktor's, and finally turned around to hand it over. His cheeks were pink, but his gaze was steady.
When Viktor took the mug, wrapping his hands around it to absorb its warmth, Jayce said, "Did I remember to compliment your intelligence?"
Viktor went back to his seat at the table and reached for the sugar bowl. "Only twice. But it can be forgiven; we were not having a particularly intellectual conversation, and you clearly could not remember any of our previous discussions."
"That's too bad." Jayce leaned back against the counter and watched as Viktor stirred sugar into his mug. "That's my favorite thing about you."
Viktor smiled a little as he watched the coffee in his mug swirl around. "Likewise," he said with far more calm than he actually felt.
Jayce sipped his coffee: unsweetened, with just a splash of milk. "I must have mentioned your eyes."
"Many times," Viktor confirmed, hiding the beginnings of his own blush in his own coffee.
"Good. They're very striking." He hesitated only a second. "Beautiful, really."
Viktor retreated behind his mug again. They drank in silence for a few minutes, and then Jayce said, "Would you... be open to more than compliments?"
Viktor looked up at him. The afternoon sun was shining through the window, wrapping around Jayce like a lover's arms until it almost looked as if he were the source of the light rather than its recipient. "Such as?" Viktor asked. "You must tell me what you want before I can decide if I want it, also."
"I want a lot of things. I want... to take you out," Jayce said. His gaze was intent, intense, a weight that compressed Viktor's chest and made breathing difficult. Jayce set his mug very delicately on the counter and crossed the few feet that separated them. He dragged out a chair and perched on the edge of it, then reached for Viktor's hand.
Viktor let him take it. Jayce looked down at it, brushing his thumb over Viktor's fingers and palm, a caress that felt like a worshiper's reverence for something sacred. "I would really like to take you out," he repeated. "For drinks. Or dinner. Or dancing."
Viktor twitched, and Jayce's grip tightened a little, as if he was afraid Viktor would pull away, -- just as he had done in the hospital.
"It doesn't matter where we go," Jayce said. "Wherever you want. I just want to be with you, however you want it." He glanced up into Viktor's eyes and then let his gaze fall again. "I want... to kiss you, too," he added, his blush blooming brighter, "and -- eventually, if you'll allow it -- to make love to you. I want you to be mine, and I want to be yours, and I want the world to know it." He looked at Viktor again, more steadily.
"That's what I want, Viktor. What I've wanted for... for years." His eyes still locked on Viktor's, he lifted Viktor's hand and pressed his lips to the center of Viktor's palm, exactly the way he'd done while he was still under the anesthesia's influence.
How many times had Jayce imagined doing that, Viktor wondered, that it had happened without thinking in a moment when Jayce's thoughts were scattered?
Viktor had to swallow twice, and his voice still came out as a croak. "Yes." Jayce was still holding his hand as he lifted it to cup the side of Jayce's face. "All of that. Yes. Please."
Jayce leaned closer. "I... I'm going to kiss you now," he whispered. "If you don't want that--"
Viktor pulled Jayce into a kiss before he could say anything else stupid.
Three.
Viktor heard Jayce moving around in the bedroom, but he didn't emerge for nearly another hour. Viktor wondered if he had dozed off again. When he did come out, he went straight into the bathroom.
Worry spiked, and Viktor twisted around to squint at the door and strain his hearing.
After listening for a handful of seconds, Viktor decided that Jayce wasn't throwing up or groaning in pain. It sounded a little as if he were muttering to himself, but a man should be allowed a few eccentricities.
When he'd been in there for a full half-hour, though, Viktor dragged himself to his feet and went down the hall. "Jayce? Are you all right?"
"Yes!" Jayce said, too quickly. "Yeah, I'm fine, I'm good, I'm just, um. I was going to wash my face and I started thinking about things and zoned out. You know how it is."
"I do," Viktor allowed. "Was it about our construction issue? Because I have also been thinking about that, and I would be happy to compare notes."
"Uh, no. No, it was... um. Personal."
Oh. Oh. Viktor grimaced at himself. No wonder Jayce sounded out of sorts, if Viktor had interrupted his private time. Half an hour seemed a bit excessive for a quick jerk-off, but maybe the drugs had some aftereffects that caused difficulties in that area.
In any case, Viktor knew when he was wanted elsewhere. "Sorry," he said. "I will go back to the living room now and give you some, eh, privacy."
Jayce's response was a wordless, presumably affirmative hum.
Almost as soon as Viktor had resumed his position on the couch, he heard the water running.
A few minutes later, Jayce came out, face and hair slightly damp, and a persistent blush staining his cheeks. Jayce had clearly opted not to try to finish what he'd started.
Idiot, Viktor chastised himself as Jayce fell onto the couch, quite a bit further from Viktor than usual. Embarrassed, Viktor assumed. Pilties had so many rules about sex and bodies and what was and was not acceptable. "Did you sleep well?" he asked, hoping to ease Jayce's nerves with more neutral conversation.
"Um, yeah, it was actually pretty nice," Jayce said. "Hope you weren't too bored, sitting out here."
"I am never bored," Viktor said with the sort of teasingly superior smirk that usually made Jayce roll his eyes or throw a wad of paper at Viktor's head, "when I have my mind to occupy me."
Jayce did huff and roll his eyes while poorly concealing a smile, but he spent the rest of the afternoon -- and after dinner, the evening -- as far away from Viktor as he could get while still being on the couch.
Viktor told himself that it didn't mean anything, and therefore that it didn't hurt.
Over the next several weeks, Jayce's skittishness relaxed, and things went back to normal between them. Viktor was relieved, mostly; his friendship and partnership with Jayce were precious to him in a way he could barely comprehend, much less articulate. To think that either might be in danger over his probably-unrequited feelings was wholly unacceptable.
That his relief was tempered with a certain ache of loss was not unexpected. He'd had a taste of a Jayce who adored him, who'd poured sweet affection over him like syrup, and that brief taste had been enough to make him crave it a thousand times more than the imaginings of his own mind ever had.
He watched Jayce from time to time as they worked, wondering if there had been any truth to those blissfully sweet moments, or if it had all been the doing of the drugs.
Jayce had always been a physical person; since their first meeting he'd been comfortable putting a hand on Viktor's arm, wrapping his arm around Viktor's back, or hooking his chin over Viktor's shoulder. It had taken some time for Viktor to get used to it, and then only a little longer to learn to enjoy it. But now Viktor couldn't seem to help evaluating and analyzing every touch: Did that pat on the shoulder linger longer than should be normal between friends? Did he lean against Viktor's side more completely than he did Miss Kiramman's? Was there any platonic explanation for the way his hand trailed down Viktor's back all the way to the dip in his spine?
Then came the breakthrough, and there was no time for mooning uselessly over his bruised heart or wondering what secrets lay underneath Jayce's perfectly-sculpted chest. They were working, discovering, and it was like learning to fly, like fireworks bursting inside their brains, like hearing a flawless symphony. They barely slept, too eager to make the most of each new find, too determined to push the boundaries of science further than anyone ever had before, too awestruck at the clockwork perfection of their meshed intellects to bother with the increasingly bothersome and annoying demands of their bodies. Who needed romance when their partnership propelled them to such heights? What could he want with physical intimacy when the euphoria of their shared discoveries was so dizzying?
When they finally emerged from the other side of almost a month of fugue-state work fueled by endless cups of coffee (Viktor had been forced to resort to drinking it black) and half-hour naps at their desks, heads pillowed on reference books, they had done the impossible.
Jayce threw his arms around Viktor and twirled them around, laughing like a maniac. "Viktor, we did it!"
"We did," Viktor agreed, somewhat stunned by the enormity of their success and also by Jayce's embrace.
"Ah-- Sorry," Jayce said, setting Viktor down quickly and bending to scoop up the cane from where he had dropped it. "I was caught up in the moment, I know you don't-- Sorry."
Viktor blinked. "I am not offended," he said. "I am just as happy as you to have achieved such a major milestone."
"Right," Jayce said. "Yeah, I'm just... Gods, I feel like I could sleep for a week."
Viktor hummed and looked at the calendar, and then the clock. "It is Thursday afternoon," he said. "I suggest we take the rest of the day off, and also tomorrow. And the weekend. And then Monday, we will be ready to tackle the second-stage trials and begin filing the paperwork."
"Ug, paperwork," Jayce sighed. "But you're right." He collected his jacket and the notebook he took everywhere, and brought Viktor's coat and scarf over. He held up the coat to help Viktor into it, and then handed over the scarf with what looked like reluctance. "Would, ah. Would you maybe want to stop for a drink together on the way home? To celebrate? My treat."
Viktor paused. He, too, was not quite prepared to let Jayce go. The melding of minds they'd enjoyed for the last weeks was only slowly dissolving. Perhaps an hour or two of more normal conversation would allow them both to regain their individual equilibriums. "You may buy the first round," he allowed. "I will buy the second."
"Deal." Jayce swept ahead to hold the door open for him.
They didn't go out often enough to have a "regular" bar, but there was a quiet place more or less halfway between their homes, so that was where they usually went, on the rare occasions that they decided to indulge in a drink and less work-related conversation.
Still giddy with the high of their success (and possibly with sleep deprivation), two drinks became three. And then because Viktor wouldn't allow Jayce to pay for more rounds than him, three drinks became four. Viktor was halfway through that one, feeling warm and more than a little tipsy, when he said, "Why did you think I would be offended by a hug?"
"Not... offended, exactly," Jayce said, looking down into his whiskey. "I just thought it might be too close to that one time."
"That one time," Viktor repeated blankly. Jayce nodded, as if he were just confirming something that Viktor should already know. "Jayce, I truly have no idea what you're talking about."
Jayce shrugged with utterly false nonchalance. "You know, that time I... basically, uh. Toldyouiwasinlovewithyou."
Viktor wasn't so tipsy that he couldn't parse the words. "Told me you were-- Jayce, when did you say that? I feel certain I would have remembered that!"
"Not... in those words," Jayce said. "But it was, uh, a couple months ago. After my surgery? While I was still loopy from the drugs."
Viktor stared and willed Jayce to look up at him. It didn't work. "You did not know who I even was," Viktor pointed out. His heart pounded against his ribcage like it was trying to break through.
"Nnnnno," Jayce hedged. "But I knew how I felt. And you definitely didn't enjoy it."
"Jayce, you were, as you just said, drugged!"
"Not. Not then, no," Jayce protested. "I know you wouldn't take that seriously, even if-- But after I woke up, you... didn't say anything."
"Why would I? You didn't say anything either, so it seemed confirmatin that it was just the drugs talking!"
"Come on, V, you had to have already at least suspected how I feel!"
Feel, not felt? Viktor dragged a breath into his lungs that fought him the whole way. "I did not suspect," he said softly.
"I..." Jayce covered his face with his hands. "I am... possibly too drunk. And definitely too sleep-deprived. For this conversation."
Viktor wanted to whine in protest, but Jayce was right. Jayce often was. A plan formulated in his mind. It seemed like a good plan. But he should run it by Jayce first. They were partners, after all. And maybe, if this conversation went the way it seemed to be going, if that wasn't only wishful thinking on his part... partners. "Here is what I propose: We are going to go back to your home," Viktor said, "and drink some water, and sleep."
Jayce's shoulders twitched. "Just sleep?"
"Just sleep," Viktor confirmed. "I will sleep on your couch, which is very comfortable."
"Yeah," Jayce agreed. "I love that couch."
"And then when we are both awake," Viktor continued, pulling Jayce back to the topic at hand, "we will have a very thorough conversation. And then I am going to take you to out for breakfast."
Jayce shuddered. "I'm not going to be awake in time for breakfast," he said.
"You are if it is breakfast on Saturday," Viktor told him.
Jayce finally looked up again. His face was flushed but his eyes practically glowed. "I know I said I wanted to sleep for a week, V, but--"
"Yes, I expect we will both wake up tomorrow, not in the morning. Perhaps mid-day. But we will not be sleeping after our conversation," Viktor told him. "Thus, breakfast on Saturday." He folded his hands on the table. "Or possibly lunch. I am open to alterations in the timing, depending on various factors."
Jayce opened his mouth. Closed it. Blinked a few times. Then he jolted as if someone had just touched the back of his neck with a live wire. "Oh! Breakfast."
Viktor tipped the last of his drink into his mouth, suddenly eager to leave. "Does this plan meet your approval?"
"Yes." Jayce finished his own drink, and then stood, only somewhat clumsily, and summarized, "Home. Sleep. Talk. Not-sleep. Breakfast. I approve." He offered his arm to Viktor, drunkenly gallant.
Viktor tucked his hand into the crook of Jayce's elbow. "Good. Take me home, Jayce."
Four.
Viktor was just coming out of the bathroom when he heard Jayce say, "Shit, shit."
Viktor went to Jayce's bedroom door as quickly as his lame leg allowed and tapped gently. "Jayce? What's wrong?"
A brief pause. "You're still here?"
Viktor frowned. "I told you that I would be," he said. "Do you need help?"
"No, no, I'm uh. I'm fine."
"That is not very convincing," Viktor said, and opened the door.
Jayce was sitting on the side of his bed, the sheets still rumpled. His elbows were braced on his knees and he was hunched over to put his head in his hands.
He didn't try to tell Viktor to leave, but he didn't look up as Viktor entered, either. "Are you in pain?" Viktor asked.
"Not... physically," Jayce said into his hands.
Visions of the night they first met, standing on a ledge and looking out over the city, flared behind Viktor's eyes. "Jayce. Tell me what you are thinking."
Jayce heaved a huge sigh. "I should... apologize," he said slowly, "for how I behaved this morning."
Ah. So he had remembered. A few more steps brought Viktor to stand right in front of Jayce, close enough to touch. "You do not need to apologize for that, Jayce. You were under the influence of several very strong drugs. It is understood that you were not entirely under your own control."
A frustrated whine grated out of Jayce's throat. "I know, I just... I want you to know that I would normally never... do that."
It stung enough to pull a short hiss from Viktor. But it wasn't Jayce's fault that Viktor had foolishly nurtured his fragile hopes. "Yes," he said. "You were not yourself. I know."
"I know it must have been uncomfortable," Jayce pressed, "and I... I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me."
"There is nothing to forgive," Viktor said. It was his own fault, after all.
"I just don't want it to make things awkward between us."
"It will not," Viktor promised. "There is no reason for things to be awkward. I have known all along that you do not truly see me that way. It would have been foolish of me to think otherwise, simply because of a few words said under the influence of anesthetic medication."
Jayce actually lifted his head to frown at Viktor. "What are you talking about?" His face was flushed.
Viktor looked back at him. "Are we not talking about you flirting with me?"
"Yes!"
"Because you thought I was someone else," Viktor added.
"No! Is that what you actually think happened?" Jayce asked.
"Yes? What did you think happened?"
"I was flirting with you because I got reality and fantasy mixed up!" Jayce said.
Viktor stared at Jayce while his mind tried to process that. "And... your fantasy of me, you can flirt with?"
Jayce's blush got darker and spread down his throat to disappear under his shirt collar. Viktor watched, fascinated. "I-- Yes. I guess so."
"That is very interesting," Viktor said.
Jayce put his hands over his face again. "Vik..." he whined.
"Ask me why it is interesting, Jayce." Viktor took another half-step closer, until his knees were brushing against Jayce's.
Jayce sighed, his face still covered. "Why is it interesting," he said petulantly.
"Because my fantasy of you flirts with me quite often."
Jayce's fingers parted to reveal one honey-gold eye. "Your fantasy of me," he said carefully, "flirts with you."
"Among other things." Viktor reached for Jayce's hand, and Jayce let him take it, pulling it carefully away to reveal Jayce's face again. "Although I must admit that your performance this morning was not much like anything I have imagined."
"I was impaired," Jayce protested, but his eyes were round with dawning wonder. "I can do better. If... if that's something that you would like."
Viktor slid a thumb along Jayce's jaw, feeling the prickle of his five o'clock shadow and the heat radiating from his skin. Holding Jayce's gaze, Viktor lifted his hand to press a kiss to his knuckles. "All right," he said, a tease and a challenge. "Show me how much better you can do."
Jayce took a deep breath, as if readying for a difficult task, then reached up to put one hand on the side of Viktor's face, fingers combing lightly into his hair. The other hand went to his waist, steadying. Jayce looked directly into Viktor's eyes, that beautiful hazel spearing him in place. "I owe you everything, Viktor. You saved my life, and you saved our dream, and you keep on saving me every day. I wake up every morning and smile because I know I'm going to get to be with you again. I haven't yet gotten over how lucky I am, that I get to enjoy your brilliance every day. If I thought you would let me, I'd tell you a hundred times a day how much I admire you.
"And it would be enough, just to work beside you, to bring our dream to life. But you're so much more. You're kind and you care about others and you're funnier than you let most other people ever see. It's a privilege, to be one of the few you trust enough to be your friend.
"And on top of all that, you're so fucking gorgeous, I sometimes can't bear to look at you directly. I would kneel at your feet and beg you to use me however you see fit. I would worship every inch of your body with my hands and my mouth. I would crack open my ribs so you could hold my beating heart in your hands, if you asked it of me. I would utterly ruin myself for a single kiss. I don't know how you could think I would ever look at anyone else, when everything I own and everything I am has been yours since the first night we met."
When Jayce fell silent, eyes wide and hopeful, Viktor couldn't speak at all. His mouth opened, and then closed. His heart was pounding and blood racing and his breathing shuddering with each exhale.
"So..." Jayce said after a moment, "was that... better?"
Viktor grabbed the front of Jayce's shirt and yanked him into a kiss.
Five.
Viktor had given up on the chart and was drowsing, drifting in and out of consciousness, when the sound of Jayce's footsteps woke him. He was still trying to gather himself together enough to move again when the footsteps stopped, right by the couch. He heard Jayce let out a sigh, and then turn away.
Viktor struggled up out of the lethargy of sleep. "I'm awake," he announced. It came out more like a mumble, but Jayce was used to Viktor's muttering.
"In the kitchen," Jayce called.
"I just woke up and now I have to get up, also?" Viktor complained, but he heaved himself to his feet and went into the kitchen. "What are you doing?"
Jayce was staring into the liquor cabinet. "Trying to decide what will knock me back out the fastest."
Viktor reached past him and closed the cabinet door. "You had anesthesia this morning, you may not have any alcohol until at least tomorrow afternoon. Why are you--" Viktor turned to look at Jayce, who was already turning toward the coffeepot, deliberately not looking in Viktor's direction. Carefully avoiding any chance of meeting Viktor's gaze. "Ah," Viktor said. "So you remember."
Jayce's head and shoulders drooped comically. "Yeah."
"Don't feel bad," Viktor said. "You were very cute. And who wouldn't love to be wooed by you? Everyone you meet finds you charming and attractive."
"I don't really care about anyone else's opinion of me," Jayce mumbled as he fumbled with the coffee maker.
"Jayce... You were high as a kite and thought you were in love with... whoever you thought I was. It's funny--" Well, it would be funny if Viktor weren't actually in love with Jayce. "--but it's not that embarrassing."
"I know I was out of my head, and I appreciate you excusing it," Jayce said, "but hitting on someone who's obviously not interested is still rude, so I'm just going to be embarrassed for a while, no matter what you say."
Viktor stared at Jayce's back. Did Jayce honestly believe Viktor was obviously not interested? "Would you feel better if I also did something embarrassing?"
Jayce snorted. "Having a hard time imagining you doing anything embarrassing," he said. "Except maybe those pickle sandw--"
Viktor grabbed Jayce's jaw, firmly but delicately, and used the grip to turn him enough for Viktor to reach up and kiss him. Nothing elaborate, just a soft, close-mouthed kiss, holding it for two seconds, three.
Then he pulled away, releasing his hold on Jayce's face. He could feel his face growing hot -- he had promised to embarrass himself, job well done -- and he tried to retreat back to the other side of the kitchen, or perhaps all the way to the living room again.
Jayce caught Viktor's arm before he could escape, though. "Vik." His pretty eyes were flashing brightly, wide and wet. "What-- Why-- What was that?"
Viktor stared. "You really don't know?" he whispered.
"Vik--"
"I thought Sky was fucking with me," Viktor said.
"Sky? Fucking with you about what?"
"That you really weren't aware of how stupidly in love with you I am," Viktor said. It should have hurt to say, but Viktor was too astonished for that. "All this time, I thought you'd spotted it ages ago and were ignoring it to be polite."
"What?" Jayce used his hold on Viktor's arm to reel Viktor a few steps closer. "Viktor. When have I ever ignored anything to be polite? And why did Sky find out about this before I did?!"
Viktor laughed weakly. "Jayce, everyone who's set foot in our lab knows about this. Sky, Miss Kiramman, Ms. Medarda, the technician who came to fix our leaky sink--"
"I still say I could have fixed it myself," Jayce muttered.
"The delivery guys for our regular food stops. Probably even Heimerdinger. You may well be the last person in this city to know how I feel about you. I am awed and dismayed by your lack of insight. I thought you were smarter than that."
"People aren't equations," Jayce grumbled. "They're a lot harder to solve. You-- You really...?" He stopped, swallowing hard.
"I really," Viktor agreed. "You honestly didn't know?"
Jayce shook his head, then pulled Viktor another step closer. "Maybe... neither of us needs to be embarrassed," he said. "You want to, um, to try that again?"
Viktor couldn't seem to breathe properly anymore. He couldn't seem to look away from the bright, wet shine of Jayce's hazel eyes.
Carefully, Viktor propped the cane against the kitchen counter. Slowly, deliberately, he wrapped both arms around Jayce's neck, and stretched up again.
This time, Jayce's mouth met his halfway.
Plus one.
Viktor gave up on the chart; it was useless. He tried to rest, but every time he closed his eyes, all he could see was the adoration in Jayce's eyes. Finally, he got up and went back to Jayce's room. Jayce didn't even stir when Viktor opened the door.
He looked down at the sleeping Jayce, and he was filled with a longing so profound that it was a physical ache that suffused his entire body. He was exhausted -- from rising early to accompany Jayce to the medical center, from suppressing his true reactions to Jayce's flirtation and pleading, from years of holding himself aloof.
Surely, Viktor thought, Jayce had proved by now that he wasn't going to treat Viktor like a lesser being for being a Zaunite or lame.
Surely, Viktor could trust that if he misstepped, Jayce would understand and forgive, rather than seek to punish or banish him.
Surely, Viktor owed Jayce -- his partner and his dearest friend -- the truth.
Viktor hesitated for a while longer, watching Jayce's face, boyish and slack in sleep. He was sprawled on his back, limbs askew, taking up more than half the space. A fond warmth filled Viktor's chest. It was fine; Viktor was thin enough to need no more than a quarter of Jayce's ridiculously massive bed.
Quietly, not wanting to wake Jayce, he stripped down to his underwear and slipped tentatively into the bed. Jayce shifted and mumbled sleepily, and Viktor froze. A dozen disasters played out in his head over the duration of as many heartbeats in which Jayce woke and took offense at Viktor's presumption.
But all that happened was that Jayce rolled to face him, threw an arm over his waist, and pulled him close, until Viktor was tucked neatly into the curve of Jayce's body. Jayce nuzzled into Viktor's hair and then subsided back into a deeper sleep.
Cautiously, Viktor shifted until he'd found a comfortable position for his twisted leg and spine, and then he let himself sink into the almost excessive heat radiating from Jayce's body. He meant to simply rest, to memorize everything about the moment in case it never happened again, but he only got as far as trying to identify why Jayce-asleep smelled differently from Jayce-awake before his exhaustion claimed him.
Wakefulness came slowly, in soft, syrupy stages.
First was an awareness of warmth, like being immersed in a hot bath. Viktor's skinny frame and poor circulation meant that he was almost always at least a little cold; this heat was luxurious and comprehensive, like the hottest days of summer. He dozed in it for an unmeasurable time, baking his bones.
Eventually, he began to notice the long arm draped over his waist and curling up to press lightly against his back, holding him gently in place. Under his cheek was something firmer than a pillow that his sluggish mind eventually identified as another arm. His feet and ankles were tangled with someone else's.
He became aware of a soft, warm puff of air against his face and hair, slow and rhythmic: someone's breathing.
Jayce, he thought, and his heart stuttered a bit, but no panic followed. He was warm and safe and rested and content; anything else could wait.
The hand against his back moved, just a little. Just enough for the thumb to slide slowly back and forth along his spine. It was soothing and comforting and Viktor hummed a little in approval as he wriggled closer.
Jayce's chest moved as he huffed in amusement, but his arms tightened, obligingly helping Viktor snuggle tightly against him.
Viktor drifted and dozed for another little while -- he wasn't sure how long; it could have been a few minutes or another hour -- before finally opening his eyes.
Jayce was already awake. He was lying right next to Viktor, looking back at him, as if he had been watching Viktor sleep for some time. He smiled when he saw Viktor was awake, and then lifted his eyebrows slightly, as if to say: This is a thing we're doing now?
Viktor smiled back -- he couldn't not, not with Jayce -- and shrugged the shoulder he wasn't lying on. I guess so.
Jayce nodded. His hand moved from its spot on Viktor's back, seeking out Viktor's hand. He laced their fingers together, then pulled it in to kiss Viktor's knuckles, one by one, his eyes on Viktor's the whole time.
Viktor managed a shaky breath, and then stretched forward a little, slowly, to give Jayce time to object. But Jayce just watched him, eyes wide and awed, until Viktor finally closed the last few inches to place a kiss against Jayce's lips, tentative and soft.
When he pulled away, Jayce's smile was even bigger. He grabbed Viktor's face in both hands and claimed another kiss, joyfully exuberant.
They would need to talk eventually, of course.
But that... could wait.