Archive of Our Own ^beta

Hospital rooms are surprisingly noisy. It’s something that Duo has noticed in his few encounters with them. There’s the machine monitoring his vital signs, for one. His ears are still ringing from the explosion that had brought him here, but he can still hear the monitor. The regular rhythm of beeps blends with the steady, high-pitched whine that dominates his right ear. It’s making him feel a bit like his brain might ooze out of his skull at any moment.  

There is also a strange hissing, sucking sound somewhere nearby. He can’t quite place it, though it’s familiar– an air conditioner, or perhaps a purifier. It’s barely noticeable compared to the symphony playing outside of his room: the scuffing of feet on the linoleum floor of the hall, rolling carts and gurneys, voices. Even muffled like this, human speech offers some respite from the incessant beeping, at least. Now and then he thinks he can catch a word or two, and it gives his mind something to focus on besides the monotony of the machinery and the tinnitus.

He probably should be sleeping now, but he’s fighting it. Every loud sound alerts him, battling with the drugs trying to pull him under into the rest he desperately needs. He wants to know what’s going on, how many have been admitted, how many are dead. He might have missed someone as he’d swept the building, might have forgotten to check in the bathrooms or the elevators. It’s all a blur to him now. He can only remember hurrying along an empty corridor before the bombs had gone off.

Funny, how the memory works. How it leaves blank spaces in some parts of the tapestry and enhances other parts that one would think were hardly worth noticing. Duo’s most vivid recollection right now is what he had been thinking just before the explosions. On top of hastily scanning his memory of the layout of the building, there had been the faintest wisp of a thought that he would be able to tease Relena about this later. He had only caught a hint of suspicious activity because he had gone outside to smoke, and she hates his smoking. Ultimately, his bad habit may have saved them all.

There’s a swell of voices again, just outside his door. He thinks he recognizes them, but it’s so hard to concentrate over the buzz in his ears and the beeping of the monitor. He wishes he could reach over and shut it off, but it’s beyond him even to raise his arm. Whatever they’ve given him, it’s potent stuff. He’s bobbing on his own consciousness, adrift without sense of time passing.

Whoever is making so much noise in the hallway, she sounds angry. He thinks it’s a woman, at least. The tone is so familiar that it almost brings an image to mind, but he can’t quite grasp it. Someone else is arguing with her – a futile endeavor, he thinks with a little laugh. There’s no point in arguing with—

It’s Relena, he realizes, just as the door opens.

“I said you can’t go in!”

The other person speaking is also a woman. A doctor? Duo has heard that voice recently, maybe. She’s someone who has been in and out of his room. But Relena is definitely here, too. “You have no authority to stop us,” says Relena, and Duo realizes that he can’t see her or the doctor. The room remains the same even though he can hear footsteps coming closer. The sickly gray light remains unchanged, the door firmly shut.

“Duo…” That’s Heero. He tries to turn toward the voice, but his head won’t budge. All he can do is lie here as these ghosts talk around him. A hallucination, then? A dream?

“What’s his condition?” Relena’s voice is hard as steel. Duo can only imagine the look she’d be giving the doctor if any of them were real. He chuckles again. If this is a hallucination, it’s a damn realistic one. He can almost see her, that particular frown she gives when she’s put up her verbal boxing gloves.  

“It’s too soon to say for sure, but his chances are good,” the doctor says, and Duo can tell that she’s conceded. She shouldn’t feel too bad. Relena Darlian is, after all, an undefeated champion of the debate floor. If world leaders and stodgy nobility can’t get past her, a civilian doctor stands no chance at all.

“There’s a space in the chest for the lungs,” the doctor continues. “The shockwave from the blast ruptured the chest wall and caused blood to pool in the space, which was preventing the lung from inflating—”

“Hemothorax,” Heero says quietly. His tone is totally flat; unaffected, to most ears. Duo knows better. He can hear the anxiety gnawing at Heero’s mind, his non-reaction as much of a giveaway as Relena’s sharp inquiries.

“Yes, that’s right…” The doctor sounds wary. She probably thinks Heero is simply here to file his reports, and she’s far too busy to deal with official business right now. He’s probably still wearing his Preventer jacket, which always puts medical staff on edge. “It was quite severe on the right side. We installed a tube to drain the blood, and he’s currently on mechanical ventilation to support his breathing. We have a blood transfusion set up to replenish what he’s lost.”

“What else?”

“Concussion. His brain was forced into the skull wall during the explosion. We’ve reduced the swelling, but time will tell whether it’s had any effect on his cognitive ability. Besides the more immediate concerns… Abrasions, contusions... His right eardrum was damaged, but it looks like it’ll heal on its own. Dislocated ankle, also on the right side. I understand they found him under a section of collapsed wall.”

“Yes.” Heero’s tone is even colder now. He’s balancing on the knife’s edge between losing it and shutting down entirely.

“He’s very lucky he wasn’t crushed,” the doctor says. “Most of the damage was caused by the blast itself. The dislocated ankle might have happened when they dug him out—”

“It did,” Heero says. “I was there.”

“He’s very fortunate, then.” The doctor’s patience is wearing thin. “Now, is that all you needed to know? You both need to leave so I can get back to my rounds.”   

Naturally, they aren’t going to make it that easy. “Why is he unconscious?” There’s a sharpness in Relena’s voice, a hint of her worry peeking through the politician’s mask in the form of anger, and Duo can practically feel the doctor shiver.

“We have him under sedation for now. We’ll keep him like that until we can remove him from ventilator support.”

He isn’t unconscious, though, he thinks. Then again, he also isn’t aware of any tubes in him. Looking down at himself, he can only see the gray expanse of the hospital sheets draped over his body. That is odd, now that he’s examining himself. The monitor continues to beep nearby, but there are no wires connected to him. No IV. Where even is he?

He doesn’t like this at all. He’d assumed he was in a hospital. It looks like a hospital room, though the walls are an awful shade of calamine lotion pink and there’s a sickly yellow cast to the lighting. He can’t even tell where it’s coming from – a lamp, or the window? Where even is the window? He can’t tell where anything is but his own body, lying on this narrow steel bed with the blue polka-dot sheets. Weren’t they gray a moment ago?

Maybe he’s only imagining that Heero and Relena are here. Maybe his eyes are actually open to this dull room, and the sounds and feelings are happening in his head. Maybe the beeping is also a part of the hallucination, and he isn’t actually hooked up to anything at all. Maybe he’s not injured. Maybe he’s dead.

“We’re going to stay with him.” Whether real or imaginary, this Relena sounds like a threat. Duo wishes he could see her. She’s always beautiful, but her radiance really shines when she’s intimidating someone. It helps to calm him a bit just to hear the protectiveness in her voice. If she was here, he imagines that’s exactly what she would say.

“Visiting hours are over,” the doctor says with renewed authority. “You can file your reports just fine with the information you have, can’t you?”

“We’re. Not. Leaving.” Heero emphasizes every word, and the doctor audibly gasps. Heero doesn’t have to do much to intimidate someone. A look, a certain tone, are all it takes. Duo can picture him, leaning forward slightly, fists balled.

“We’re the closest he has to family,” Relena says. She joins Heero in creating an impenetrable wall, and Duo feels like they might both be standing between him and the doctor, taking up the stance that he and Heero normally have.

The doctor can’t withstand them. “I’ll need you to come to the charge nurse’s station,” she says, all fight gone.

“We’ve done that,” Relena says. “We have visitors’ clearance.”

“Since it’s outside of regular visiting hours, there are special—”

“We have clearance,” Heero says flatly, putting an end to the discussion.

“I see.” The doctor clears her throat. “I’ll send a nurse in to check on you in a bit, then. I have other patients to tend to.”

“Very well,” Relena says, her voice softening now that she’s won. Duo can imagine that the doctor is breathing a sigh of relief as she leaves the room.

The ghosts of his lovers shift around him, unseen but audible over the backdrop of other sounds that Duo has filtered out. They settle on either side of him, a presence he can’t feel but senses so keenly that it makes him want to cry. He wishes he could talk to them, at least. He wishes he could ask them for some sign that they’re real.

“He looks worse than he is,” Relena says. There’s such conviction in her voice that Duo wonders if she’s trying to reassure herself, too.

“Hn.”

“Duo.” Her voice is a warm caress, and he sighs and leans into it. “We’re here. I’m not sure if you can hear us, but we’re here with you.”

If Duo concentrates, he thinks he can feel a slight pressure in his hand. Heero. He imagines that Heero is holding his hand, squeezing it gently, all the strength in his body restrained to hold Duo so carefully that it’s almost too much. Relena’s soft hand is sliding along his arm. It’s frustrating because Duo can feel them. He can hear them. But nobody sits at his side in the dimly lit room around him. The six chairs by the window are empty. Not that he could blame anyone for not sitting in them – they look a lot like the chairs from the break room at Preventer HQ. Hard molded plastic. Very uncomfortable.

“He can hear us,” Heero says.

“You think so?”

“He’s stubborn. The doctor says he’s under sedation, so he’ll be fighting it with everything he has.”

There they go about sedation again. Duo’s gaze meanders across the room, from the depressing gray-blue walls to the endless field of square metal tiles on the ceiling to the window that looks out on the starry expanse of outer space. He’s definitely awake. That must mean he’s hearing voices, then.

That means they aren’t really here.

“Sleep, Duo.” Heero sounds close. Duo tries to lean toward him, finding that he still can’t make himself move. “We’ll be right here.”

But you aren’t here, he wants to say. The corners of his eyes sting. Nobody’s here but him. Even the sounds from the hallway have quieted, and he wonders if he’s been left alone. If everyone in the hospital has just clocked out and gone home, leaving him and all the other patients to fend for themselves. If he could move, he’d get out of this bed and go see for himself.

“Sleep, Duo.” But it isn’t Heero this time.

Duo gives a start.

Sister Helen?

“Duo.” She’s there at his bedside, as suddenly as turning on the light. Her black habit is so sharp against the backdrop of the gray walls. She’s smiling so kindly at him, just as she used to, her eyes sparkling with life, no trace of injury, no burns, no cold pallor of death.

That can’t be right. Duo swallows and tenses as he stares at her. She can’t be here. Why is he seeing her and not Heero and Relena? Shouldn’t she be the ghost?

If she’s here with him, then…

Sister Helen shakes her head, her smile widening, sensing his question. “You’re not dead,” she says. “Just rest now. We’re all watching over you.”

For a moment, just a flash, he can see them: Heero and Relena, sitting on either side of him – Relena is just about where Sister Helen is, the two of them superimposed on each other, almost sharing the same space. Her hair and the sister’s habit create the same shape. Heero’s eyes gleam in the semidarkness. He’s holding Duo’s hand up to his lips. Relena is reaching over him, brushing his bangs aside.

“Duo?” she murmurs, suddenly looking at him with some surprise, and he wonders if his eyes are open before she and Heero and Sister Helen all disappear and silence closes in at last.

>>><<< 

“Heero! Code nine! Code NINE! Get Relena out now! Get everyone out!”

“… Copy. What’s your location?”

“Main lobby. Suspect’s neutralized. He says they’re all over the building, set to go off in ten minutes. I’m getting Wufei on the line now.”

“Grab the suspect and go.”

“Noin’s got the guy. I’m evacuating everyone.”

“The alarm’s on. You get out.”

“Shit… SHIT! They got the stairwell locked!”

“Duo! Get out of there now!”

(“Heero, what’s he doing? Is he evacuating with the others?”)

“Get. OUT.”

“NO! Not until the building’s clear! We got nine minutes, I’m not gonna waste ‘em if there are people still inside!”

“They’re evacuating already!”

“Heero, the stairwell is fucking locked! There might be people upstairs!”

“…….. Understood. Be careful.”

(“Noin’s calling… Yes, we’re out… Heero, she’s saying the bomb squad has found three so far.”)

“Duo, did you hear her?”

“Copy. I’m in the upstairs hall. I hear someone… HEY! Everyone over here! This way!”

(“Where is he?”)

“They locked the stairwell. Duo’s got it open, he found some stragglers.”

(“If he doesn’t come out soon, I swear I’m going in there.”)

“I’ll go if it comes to that. You stay here.”

(“And let you go alone?”)

“Hey, nobody’s comin’ after me! You two stay the hell away!”

“The squad says there’s no timer they can find. You need to leave.”

“Right after I clear this hallway.”

(“Duo…!”)

“Get out of there! Do you hear me?”

“DUO!”

(“DUO!”)

>>><<< 

When he wakes up, he’s very aware of where he is. There’s a dull ache throughout his body, kept at bay by the pain meds (he recognizes the familiar fuzziness packed around his brain). He’s having trouble opening his eyes, but the struggle is physical, not vague and numb as it had been in the dream world. The sensations experienced there are fading fast in his memory, fleeing in the face of harsh reality.

“Duo?”

A deep, low voice… Heero? He turns toward it, finding that he can indeed turn his head, and flinches as a hand caresses his face. “You’re in the hospital.” That’s Relena. “You were caught in an explosion yesterday.”

“Ca… alt…” Trying to speak makes him cough, and he finds something pressed to his lips, hears instructions to drink. He pulls water up the straw, wanting to gulp but only able to manage a few sips. As he relaxes on the pillows again, he winces as pain pushes against the barrier formed by the medication, radiating from somewhere near his side.

“Shhh…” Relena’s thumb strokes his cheek, and he can finally open his eyes to see her and Heero on either side of him, leaning over him. Heero’s holding his hand, just as he had been in the dream. The lights are dimmed, altered somewhat by a red-gold glow from the closed blinds over the window. Sunset, or sunrise. His internal clock is temporarily out of sync. The walls look to be white. His sheets are white. There are no hard plastic chairs against the window.  

“Ca- casualties?” he rasps, blinking, trying to see them clearly through a blur over his eyes.

“Twelve injured, none dead,” Heero says softly. “Everyone else got out in time.”

“You guys?”

“We’re unhurt,” Relena says, and Duo remembers talking to Heero through the earpiece, hearing Relena in the background. He remembers Heero’s affirmation that Relena was out of the building. Knowing that they’re here, that they’re safe, he can relax a little. He settles into the haze of the drugs and the faint ache in his side and the scratchiness in his throat, content in the knowledge that he is alive and that the people he loves most are safe.

“I hope you know,” Relena continues, “that you’re in trouble as soon as we get home. I won’t tolerate my bodyguard putting himself in danger like that.”

“Had to,” he says. “Sorry.” It’s still hard to talk; there’s a sharp pain in his throat stabbing right through the drugs every time he tries.

“We know,” Heero says. They all know that Heero would have done the same, were he in that position. It comes with the territory. “You’re still in trouble.”

Duo looks forward to it, really. Being in trouble like this isn’t so bad at all. As soon as he’s able, they’ll take the short flight from Sydney to Relena’s New Zealand estate. They’ll set him up in bed with a mountain of pillows and the TV remote and a tablet to keep him occupied, and they’ll take turns pampering him until he can’t stand it anymore. And right now, he wants a little pampering. He thinks he can find it in himself to accept it for a while.

His eyes have drifted shut again, but it’s a comfortable darkness this time and not the bizarre half-reality from before. He can hear them nearby, can feel them holding onto his hand and his arm. “Should I let the doctor know he’s awake?” Heero wonders.

“They said he’ll be in and out of consciousness,” Relena whispers.

Heero replies, but his words are swallowed by the numbness that comes over Duo, lifting him up and carrying him away on a weightless cloud. This time, he’s fine with it. Heero and Relena are here to keep him anchored. They’ll be waiting for him when he comes back down. They’re going to guard him in his sleep, and he can finally rest easy knowing that they really are here.