Chapter 1: A Loser in Love
Chapter Text
There's no sense in telling me
The wisdom of the fool won't set you free
But that's the way that it goes and it's what nobody knows
Well, every day my confusion grows
"Bizarre Love Triangle"
New Order
“It’s just so nice to see George and Marina together again,” Portia Featherington coos from her position standing next to Colin.
Colin can’t help but cringe, watching the beautiful couple share soft smiles and blushing cheeks on the dance floor.
It’s Eloise and Phillip’s wedding yet the entire venue seems to have their eyes glued to the charming pair, the secondary school sweethearts who captured the hearts of everyone around them like they’re some sort of pre-destined love story. Marina’s dark eyes are glittering up at George, the fairy lights that line the venue’s ceiling shining in her eyes. George has the same soft smile he always wears around Marina. They just look perfect together.
There’s just one problem.
Marina is engaged to Colin.
“It’s certainly nice they were able to get their friendship back now that Marina and Phillip will be in-laws,” Colin comments airily, fixing his eyes on Marina’s left hand.
She’s still wearing his ring. They’re still getting married. The light seems to catch in the five carat oval solitaire. It was the ring Marina had proclaimed she always wanted and Colin was only too happy to give it to her. Colin would always give Marina everything George wouldn't.
Yes, it’s clear to Colin and everyone around them that George still has feelings for Marina but it’s unrequited. Marina promised Colin it is unrequited, murmuring that she just feels bad that George is unable to move past his first love.
It’s pathetic. Colin moved on from Tessa easily. Anthony moved on from Siena. Daphne moved on from Frederick.
“Penelope!” Portia called out, waving her daughter over.
Colin throws back the last of his drink.
And Penelope moved on from him.
Colin catches Penelope’s eye and ignores the way she blanches when she sees him. He doesn’t blame her necessarily but it’s nice to see her anyway. The grey-blue colour of her bridesmaid dress matches George’s tie perfectly, skimming along her curves. The hazy blue brings out the colour of her eyes and makes the copper in her hair almost seem to glitter. Her wavy red tresses are tied neatly over her shoulder with blue flowers laced through.
She looks stunning, as she always does. Still after all these years, Colin longs to tug on her soft curls to make her smile. Unfortunately for him, he lost those privileges a long time ago.
“Hello, mama, Colin,” Penelope says, offering Colin a tight smile. Colin tries to force a smile back, ignoring the coldness that still hurts.
Colin’s eyes drift back to the dance floor, watching as Marina throws her head back and laughs at something George is whispering in her ear.
There’s a lot of things that hurt Colin.
It’s a constant battle for Colin, the balance between his sometimes overwhelming sensitivity and what he should find hurtful. Everyone would find the end of a friendship painful, but should it still hurt after four years?
He’s certain most people would be jealous of a partner’s ex, but is it normal to carry the crushing insecurity for years? To stand by as another man whispers in his fiancée's ear, tells everyone that he still loves her, makes no secret that he would take her back in a heartbeat?
Colin thinks Anthony would have punched George at the first whiff of a threat. Benedict would have laughed it off. Gregory would smirk before prancing about with Lucy on his arm.
Colin just seethes, his self-confidence waning with each muttered comment from a stranger at how beautiful George and Marina are together.
“Marina and I were talking about your wedding recently, Colin,” Portia begins, swirling the dregs of her wine in her wine glass. “I was wondering if you had a date for Penelope? You had quite a large group of friends, as I recall.”
“Mama!” Penelope gasps, clearly mortified by the question. “I don’t need a date!”
“You can’t go stag to two weddings in a row, darling, what would people say?” Portia says, patting Penelope on the arm condescendingly. “You haven’t had a boyfriend since Lord Debling,” Portia points out, emphasizing his title. “I’m not sure how you couldn’t figure out a way to lock that man down.”
“He moved to Antarctica for work, mama,” Penelope replies with a bored tone. Colin can tell this topic has been hashed between the pair many times before. “It’s not like there’s much publishing down there.”
“Are you telling me that’s not where Penguin is based out of?” Colin jokes, earning a guffaw from Penelope, who immediately slams a hand over her mouth.
She looks quite put out that Colin made her laugh but nevertheless, Colin can’t help but preen.
He’s missed her laugh so much over the last few years. He loves making her laugh.
“How an Earl is able to spend years researching birds in Antarctica is beyond me,” Portia grumbles. “No doubt using our tax dollars. Ah, no offense to your brother, Colin, dear.”
Colin merely shrugs. Truth be told, he wouldn’t be too put out even if Portia told Colin she was planning to overthrow the monarchy in order to get his brother stripped of his title. Maybe it would move Anthony down a peg.
Colin’s attention snaps back to the dance floor as he hears Marina laugh again. The song has changed, now a much faster beat yet Marina is still hanging off George’s neck as if they were slow dancing. George’s hand is gripping Marina’s waist tightly. He had shed his suit jacket at some point after the cake cutting and rolled up the sleeves of his button down, showing off his ridiculously large forearms. George’s fingers skirted a little too close for comfort around the edges of Marina’s low backed pink dress, almost touching the exposed skin there.
He swallows, the jealousy he constantly feels around George clawing at his chest.
“What about George?” He blurts out, turning to Penelope. “Your dance together was so cute.”
And it was objectively cute. Even with Colin’s complex feelings towards George, he could admit that it was adorable. George was taller than Colin, broad and imposing. Penelope, even in her four inch heels, didn't come close to his shoulders. When Penelope and George joined the married couple on the dance floor, George hoisted Penelope up against him, her feet dangling as he carried her around the dance floor in something that could almost be seen as a dance.
The pair had laughed loudly, beaming at each other, giving Colin temporary hope that maybe George was finally moving on with his life.
Hope that has since been dashed.
“George?” Penelope questions with a cocked eyebrow. Her eyes flit to Marina and George briefly before meeting her mother’s. They seem to communicate in silence for a beat before Penelope looks back at Colin. “I think we’re better as just friends,” she says, her fingers twitching against the stem of her wine glass.
“Yes, I don’t think Penelope and George would be a good match,” Portia agrees before taking a quick sip of her wine.
Colin can feel himself deflate, embarrassment washing over him.
Everyone can see it, Colin knows that. He’s not stupid. Even Portia, desperate for all her girls to marry, doesn’t want to shackle Penelope to the handsome baronet, who is so clearly in love with someone else.
George and Marina had dated for nine long years, starting at eighteen until they were both twenty-seven. They had a tremulous relationship, George often shutting down and Marina so desperate to draw him out. He disappointed her at every turn, forgetting anniversaries, birthdays and slacking on chores, all leading to the disappointment that ended them.
That’s when Colin came in, ready to be the steady and reliable partner Marina said she wanted.
Yet still, everyone around them was still obsessed with the idea that Marina and George are somehow meant to be, even with Colin’s ring on her finger.
“Excuse me,” he mutters before leaving the two Featherington women to walk up to the bar.
Maybe he is a little stupid.
Colin wonders if this is what getting cucked feels like. He makes a mental note to ask Benedict later.
If it is, he doesn’t think he likes it very much.
Colin feels his heart squeeze with each passing minute that Marina doesn’t join him.
Five years. They’ve been together five years and with every year that passes, Colin convinces himself that this insecurity will fade. That they just need more time to entwine their lives and he’ll be certain that she chose to be with him, that she will forsake all others just like he did for her.
Yet as the years tick on, his insecurity only grows.
That can’t be normal, can it?
Colin orders a whiskey neat, some of the tension in his neck loosening as he sees George lead Marina off the dance floor. The moments tick by but Marina still doesn’t join Colin, seemingly content chatting with her ex-boyfriend.
Colin drums his fingers on the bar top, his eyes fixed to the former couple.
Why isn’t anyone interrupting them? What’s the point of having seven siblings and seven in-laws if they’re just going to faff around while Colin’s fiancée is trapped in a conversation with her ex?! Surely Marina is desperate to get away but is too polite to dismiss the love sick idiot drooling over her.
Colin knocks back his drink. It’s time to step in and give Marina the help she clearly needs.
“Colin,” Anthony says curtly, stepping in front of Colin.
Colin can’t help but sigh in irritation, causing Anthony to cock an eyebrow.
“We need to talk about the Davidson account,” Anthony continues, ignoring the irritation bleeding off Colin.
As if the night couldn’t get any worse for Colin.
“It’s not a good time, I was just about to rescue Marina. Her ex clearly isn’t getting the memo she doesn’t want him around anymore,” Colin explains as he tries to sidestep Anthony.
Anthony glances over at Marina and George and winces slightly before turning back to Colin. “Ah… she looks fine,” Anthony says awkwardly before quickly ordering two whiskeys from the bartender.
Colin looks over at Marina and feels his heart break a bit as she grabs George’s obnoxiously big arm.
It doesn’t matter, Colin tells himself. Marina chose Colin. Colin asked Marina multiple times if she was sure she wanted to be with him and not George and she reassured him every time.
Maybe George just had a fly on his arm and she was squishing it for him.
“So the Davidson account,” Anthony says, pushing the rocks glass into Colin’s hand. “Not your best work.”
Anthony’s tone has the same air of a disappointed father and it causes Colin’s hackles to rise.
Anthony isn’t Colin’s father and never would be. He’s only seven years older than Colin yet he insists upon acting like Colin is still a child. For a long time, Colin let it slide, understanding that Anthony was struggling with the weight of being the eldest. Then, as Colin spent his twenties travelling the world, Colin understood Anthony thought he was wasting his life and didn’t take the condescending attitude personally.
But Colin is thirty-five now, six years into his career as a project manager for the Bridgerton Group. He has a flat and a fiancée. He has friends, he has hobbies. He settled down just like Anthony wanted, yet it’s still not good enough.
“Can we talk about this on Monday?” Colin asks, trying not to grit his teeth. His dentist was already concerned about how often Colin is clenching his teeth, he doesn’t need another lecture on top of being told he needs to floss more. “It’s Eloise’s wedding.”
Anthony tuts and Colin can’t help but ball his fist.
Colin might not be able to take George in a fight but he’s sure he can take Anthony, who is looking softer with every passing year and every additional child.
“Be in my office first thing on Monday,” Anthony replies before leaving Colin, walking straight to his wife, Kate, and putting his arm around her waist.
Colin uses the opportunity to look back at Marina, a stone settling in his stomach as he sees that she still has her arm on George’s forearm.
Fuck this.
Colin finishes his whiskey in one gulp before stomping up to the exes, their voices getting clearer as he approaches.
“Remember when you dove in the river to get my keys?” Marina asks George with a laugh.
“I didn’t want you to get in trouble for losing them again! Do you still lose everything you touch?” George asks teasingly.
“No!” Marina replies, swatting his arm.
“Do you remember when we went to the drive in that one time?” George asks, taking half a step closer to Marina. “With your dad’s car?”
“Hey!” Colin quickly interjects, unable to bear the trip down memory lane any longer. A wave of satisfaction washes over him as Marina drops her hand from George’s arm. George frowns, his eyes darting to where her hand was.
Colin quickly scoops up Marina’s hand, kissing her engagement ring with a flourish. She offers him a tight smile and the weight in his stomach gets worse.
Does she not want him to kiss her hand? Or does she just not want him?
“A beautiful wedding isn’t it?” Colin asks George, tugging Marina to his side. She puts her hand against his chest stiffly, giving herself some more space.
Colin swallows the lump forming in his throat.
He isn’t sure what this means but he knows it isn’t good.
“Uh, yeah,” George replies, not taking his eyes off of Marina. “If you’ll excuse me, Penelope and I have to get a surprise ready for El and Phil.”
George pauses before reaching out to touch Marina’s elbow. They look at each other for a moment before George turns away, walking over to Penelope who greets him with a smile.
This really isn’t fucking good.
Colin can hear Penelope’s melodic laughter as she walks away with George from across the hall and it causes the irritation in his chest to spike.
What right does George have to make Penelope laugh so freely? It bothers Colin that Penelope is at such ease with the man that is desperate to ruin what’s left of Colin’s life (because of course Penelope took a big chunk with her once she decided to stop being friends with him).
Colin tugs Marina closer to him, his body almost rippling with anxiety.
“I told Penelope she should bring George as her plus one to our wedding,” Colin says with a false brightness.
He watches as Marina’s face shifts to anger, leaving him feeling more dejected.
“Why would you do that?” She snaps, finally pulling away from him. It should leave him feeling bereft but instead, Colin feels like it’s a small mercy.
“Why do you care so much?” Colin retorts. “Actually, don’t answer that, I think I know.”
This is usually the part where Marina rolls her eyes before reassuring Colin. Where she soothes his doubts, telling him that she only loves him, that George is in the past, that no one will come between him.
This is usually the part where she hangs off his neck, beaming up at him with a winning smile, laying small kisses on his neck until he laughs, his previous jealousy forgotten.
This is usually the part where he buries the creeping doubts he has about their relationship, about her feelings, about their future. Where he tells himself all is well and they just need to meet that next milestone and people will finally see that Marina chose him. That George is just a story from the past, a childhood sweetheart, a first love.
First loves don’t mean best loves and Colin knows he can love her better than George ever did.
“We can’t do this here,” Marina croaks out, folding her arms over her waist as if she is hugging herself.
“Then let’s go home because I can’t take this shit anymore,” Colin hisses out. Marina flinches at his tone but doesn’t argue. Colin sees her eyes well with tears but it only causes his anger to get worse.
Five years. For five years he’s put up with this bullshit and he just can’t do it anymore.
Marina slinks over to their table to grab her bag before joining Colin again.
“Should we say goodbye to your family?” She asks softly.
Colin merely shakes his head. The last thing he wants to do is kiss the cheeks of all the happy couples in his family, all the fated couples who don’t live in the shadows of first loves.
Colin sweeps out of the venue, walking through the flowered arches that lead to the main room as he clicks away on his phone, quickly ordering an Uber. He’s grateful his mother was able to convince Eloise and Phillip to have their wedding in the city, his ride only minutes away.
“Colin,” Marina starts softly from behind him.
Colin feels his heart hammer in his chest, the cool late March air doing nothing to alleviate the heat spreading over him or the sweat beginning to drip down his neck.
“Let’s just wait until we get home,” Colin says quietly as he mindlessly swipes through his apps, desperate to take his mind off the argument they’re about to have.
The Uber arrives quickly, Marina and Colin riding silently. Out of the corner of his eye, Colin watches as Marina twists her engagement ring around and around her finger as she stares out the car window. The right line of her mouth and the far away look in her eyes as she stares at the London streets makes Colin feel even more anxious. Colin picks at his fingernails, a habit from childhood he tried so hard to break.
Colin spends the entire ride trying to analyze the evening. Was he overreacting? Was it just a friendly dance between two people who have known each other for fifteen years? Surely, in a world where Colin didn’t muck up his friendship with Penelope, he would be dancing with her too and it wouldn’t be untoward.
But of course, Colin never dated Penelope. Marina spent nine long years with George.
Shouldn’t Marina be reassuring him by now if nothing was going on? Putting a hand on his thigh, telling him that George means nothing to her? Why is she making Colin feel like the bad guy in all of this, like the jealous fool who is reading too much into everything?
Thankfully, they’re at their Marylebone flat within ten minutes. Colin almost leaps out of the car with a muttered, “Thanks, mate,” before darting to the front door. Marina is dragging her feet behind him, chewing on her bottom lip.
They both know the argument that they’re going to have. It’s an argument they’ve had more than a dozen times in their five years together yet the way Marina is moving is making Colin feel more nervous than usual.
She hasn’t initiated touching him all day. Not a handhold, not a kiss, not a brush of fingers during the wedding vows.
Colin tries to push the thought out of his mind as he steadies his hand to unlock the front door, opening it for Marina. She doesn’t thank him, instead hugging her purse to her chest as she dips her head as she walks past him.
Colin takes a steadying breath before following her up the stairs to their second-floor flat.
This isn’t just not good, this is fucking bad.
As they walk into their flat, Marina throws her clutch onto the kitchen counter before turning to Colin, her eyes already welling with tears.
“Do you know how fucking humiliating it is that you were hanging off your ex-boyfriend at my sister’s wedding? Even Portia was fawning over you two!” Colin explodes, the last few hours of frustration finally spilling out. “My entire family was there, Marina!”
Colin can’t help but feel mortified at the idea of his siblings and their spouses, his aunts and uncles, his mother watching as George and Marina stared at each other so lovingly on the dance floor, mere hours after she was on his arm for family photos.
Everyone knows. Everyone knows.
“I know, I’m sorry,” Marina says mournfully. “We just got… caught up.”
“You always get caught up with him!” Colin shouts. “You’ve been broken up for six years, when is it going to stop?”
“I don’t know!” Marina cries, tears spilling onto her cheeks. “I don’t know if it will stop. I don’t know if I can, I can’t just stop loving him!”
Colin blinks at her, his shoulders slumping.
“You told me you love me,” Colin whispers, his voice catching in his throat.
“I do love you but I love him too!” Marina insists, yet she doesn’t approach Colin, instead twisting her ring around her finger again. “He’s my first love.”
Colin throws his arms in the air. “I don't still love Tessa! I moved on with my life! And I didn’t start dating until I was over her,” Colin sneers.
“George is an important part of my life and I’ll always love him. Maybe you just didn’t love Tessa as much as I love George,” Marina shrugs.
Colin scoffs at that. It’s typical Marina, speaking as if the love she and George once shared is some sort of mythical force and everyone else’s love story pales in comparison.
The fact is, his former relationship was not that much different than the one Marina had with George. He met Tessa during Freshers Week, lost his virginity to her and dated her for five years. They were together through university and into the beginnings of his former job in travel journalism but the constant work trips drove them apart. He loved her in that special way someone does with their first love but the constant changes of their mid-twenties drove them apart.
He moved on. He fucked around. It took more than a year, but Colin was able to move past his love for his ex-girlfriend. They parted amicably, blocking each other on every platform and never speaking again.
The way Colin thought everyone should end a relationship.
“Don’t,” Colin hisses. “You don’t know shit about my former relationships because I left them in the past, where they belong. I loved Tessa madly but I got over her, the way you’re supposed to when you end a relationship!”
“You just want to own all of me, you can’t stand that George will always have a piece of my heart,” Marina sneers.
“Now I’m the bad guy? For not wanting my fiancée to be emotionally attached to someone we’ll see multiple times a year? Who can’t stop flirting with her ex-boyfriend?” Colin asks, exasperation lacing his tone.
“Maybe I can’t stop flirting with him!”
“Then how is he supposed to get over you?”
“Maybe I don’t want him to!”
Colin’s mouth slams shut as he stares at Marina in shock.
Part of him knew it was true. He never wanted to believe it but he saw Marina glare daggers at every woman who approached George, racing over to him whenever she could. He heard how angry she was when he suggested Penelope give George a chance.
“I guess the truth has finally come out,” he says, rubbing a hand over his face.
Marina stares at her shoes for a few long moments, her chest rising and falling before she looks back up at Colin, her cheeks glistening from her tears. She nods to herself and with a gulp, pulls her engagement ring off of her hand.
“What are you doing?” Colin asks, rushing over to her. He grabs her hand, pushing her ring into her palm. “What are you doing?” He repeats desperately.
Marina just shakes her head, looking down at their clasped hands before looking back at him, sorrow evident in her eyes. She rubs her hands against the sides of her face, shaking her head.
“I think I want to choose George.”
Chapter 2: If You Can't Love Me Now
Summary:
Four months after the break up, Colin's at his rock bottom but that means the only way to go is up.
Notes:
So whoa, did not expect all the debate this early into the story!
I'd ask that folks give these characters some grace for at least a few more chapters. We WILL find out what ended their friendship, the context, what Colin and Penelope have been up to.
This chapter is where we're going to start the flashbacks. There will be two every chapter, one usually from before the end of their friendship and one after. At the very end, I'll post them in order because they will be out of order. They will generally reflect the mood of the chapter.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Help, I'm still at the restaurant
Still sitting in a corner I haunt
Cross-legged in the dim light
They say, "What a sad sight"
"right where you left me"
Taylor Swift
July 2021
Colin couldn’t help but tug on one of Penelope’s ginger curls as he slid her white wine in front of her. He sat next to her, placing his own beer on the table beside her. He unhooked the loops of his mask before taking it off and throwing it onto the table in front of him.
The patio at the Bloomsbury pub was packed, spilling onto the street with the sheer amount of people who were aching to get out this summer after the bust that was summer 2020. No one wanted to let this beautiful summer afternoon go to waste.
“Thank you,” Penelope said in a sing-song voice before tapping away on her phone. She took a sip of her wine with her free hand, closing her eyes and humming as the sharp dry white hit her tongue.
“Who are you texting?” Colin couldn’t help but ask, trying to peer over her shoulder.
Penelope made a sharp protesting sound as she turned her phone away from Colin’s gaze.
“What’s it to you?” She asked teasingly before rolling her eyes and showing Colin her screen. “It’s just my cousin.”
Colin hummed in interest. “Marina?” He asked, unable to hide his interest.
He always found Penelope’s cousin to be beyond beautiful and incredibly charming. He couldn’t help but flirt with her whenever she was around, though it was all just in good fun. Everyone knew that she was taken, her mountain of a boyfriend always casting a shadow over his girlfriend.
“Yes,” Penelope said hesitatingly, turning her phone face down on the table. “She’s in the neighbourhood and wants to swing by.”
“There’s no way there’s room on this patio for her mammoth of a boyfriend,” Colin quipped.
“Well, that’s no problem considering they broke up six months ago,” Penelope replied, taking a sip of her wine.
Colin paused, his pint glass half way to his mouth. His eyebrows shot up before he placed his glass back on the table.
“Oh really?” Colin asked, leaning in a little closer.
This happy hour just got a lot more intriguing.
“Marina’s single?” He asked, leaning back in his chair. “That’s very interesting.”
Colin watched as Penelope’s brows furrowed over her sunglasses, her downturned mouth parting for a moment.
“For now,” she replied. “They’ve been on-again, off-again for a while now. Apparently the proximity of Covid drove them apart,” Penelope explained, before taking another drink. Her white wine was quickly being downed, the glass already half empty.
Colin hummed. “I’ve actually always had a thing for her,” Colin revealed, wriggling his eyebrow. “I would make an excellent rebound.”
Penelope coughed on a sip of her wine. “What?” She croaked, clutching her hand to her chest.
It was then that Marina waltzed onto the patio, her brown curls piled on top of her head, a pretty sundress fluttering around her knees. Colin couldn’t resist shooting up to hug her before guiding her down into a chair across from Penelope’s. He quickly moved seats from beside Penelope to sit diagonally from her.
It was the time to be bold. After all, Penelope said that Marina and George were currently off-again. Perhaps Colin could make that relationship status permanent.
Colin glanced at Penelope and furrowed his brow at her frown.
“I’ll go get the next round,” Penelope muttered before standing to leave the table.
Colin frowns after her for a moment before shaking his head.
He’ll figure out what’s wrong with Penelope tomorrow.
“So, Marina,” Colin drawls, throwing his arm over the back of Marina’s chair. He can’t help but feel a surge of pride as a light flush rises to her cheeks. “Tell me how you’ve been.”
April 2026
Colin sat on the couch, his head in his hands.
“I asked you,” he began, his voice tight. “I asked you so many times if you chose me, if you wanted me.”
“I know,” Marina sobbed. “I’m so sorry, Colin.”
Colin’s hands drifted to the back of his head, his fingers digging into his curls, the pomade he put in them earlier in the afternoon leaving a residue on his hand.
“You couldn’t have figured this out yesterday, before my brother spent £4,500 on photography for my sister’s wedding?!” Colin asked, looking up at her from under his brows. He almost immediately blinked his eyes away from her, not wanting to see the pity in her eyes as she stared at his devastated face.
In an instant, Colin realized that his usual break up routine of blocking his ex and never speaking to them won’t work this time. Marina is going to be in Eloise’s wedding photos. She’s going to be at Phillip’s birthdays, baby showers, parties. As long as Marina is with George, Colin will be forced to see her.
The prospect made him feel even more sick.
“Colin, I promise you that this isn’t the way I saw this night ending,” Marina said, rushing over to him and kneeling in front of him. “I do truly care about you.”
“... Care?” Colin echoed, shifting away from her to stand up from the couch in order to put space between them. “You care about me? Marina, I thought you loved me!”
Silence lapsed between them and Marina looked down at the ground, which told Colin everything he needed to know.
“Oh,” Colin breathed, blinking rapidly as the shock washed over his body. “You don’t love me.”
“I do love you!” Marina insisted. “Of course I love you!”
“But you’re not in love with me, you’re in love with George,” Colin said almost robotically.
It was as if the missing piece in a puzzle finally slot into place. The truth that Colin never wanted to admit. The comments he ignored from his family. The concern that destroyed his friendship with Penelope. The pitying glances from Marina’s friends.
It has always been George.
The George who couldn’t communicate with her. The George who couldn’t commit. The George she ranted about endlessly as she praised how kind Colin was. The George who left her high and dry time and time again. The George who she could never tear her eyes away from whenever they had a chance meeting. The George who always looked pained when she was near, so obviously desperately in love with her.
Marina sighed, her shoulders slumping. “Yes,” she confirmed. “I’m in love with George.”
“And not me,” Colin pressed, desperate for the confirmation.
“Colin…,” She trailed off, shrugging.
Colin shook his head, taking one step closer to her. “I need to hear you say it,” he insisted. “Please, Marina, just give me this.”
He needed the closure. He needed the confirmation. He needed her to kill any what-ifs he might come up with in the lonely nights that await him.
Marina chewed her lip for a moment before nodding.
“I’m not in love with you.”
They stare at each other in silence for a few moments, the sounds of the busy streets below them seeming much louder than usual.
“I asked you,” Colin started, his voice rough. “I asked you if you still loved him and you said you didn’t. You should have told me no when I asked you to marry me. Why didn’t you say no?”
“I- I…,” Marina stuttered, her eyes wide as she shook her head. “I wanted to want to marry you.”
Colin glared at her as he searched his memory of that fateful day two years ago when he proposed. She seemed excited at the time, constantly staring at the large rock on her hand. She Facetimed her girl friends, left hand held aloft and Colin basked in his pride as the women squealed together over the phone.
He held that night tight to his chest over the last two years, as Marina brushed off any attempt to plan a wedding. Of course, Colin never pressed but Marina so expertly skirted around any questions his mother or sisters asked when it came to booking a date.
“You just wanted to get married, you didn’t care who to,” Colin sneered. Marina told him how George’s failure to propose is what ultimately led to their break up.
Marina issued the ultimatum. George tried to call her bluff. She moved out the next day.
“That’s not fair,” Marina cried.
“What’s not fair is that you wasted five years of my life waiting for your boyfriend to get his shit together,” Colin shouted back before shoving her ring in his pocket. “I’m going to my mother’s, don’t call me.”
With that, Colin swept down the hall towards their room, hastily packing a bag. Though he heard Marina’s sobs behind him, he didn’t have the strength to comfort her.
Not this time. Not again. Maybe for once, George could comfort Marina about Colin instead of the other way around.
August 2026
Colin sighs as he looks up at the ceiling of his childhood room, still clad in his work clothes.
He’s been home… well, in his mother’s home, for three hours already but he still hasn’t moved from the bed, content with scrolling mindlessly through Tik Tok.
“God, how many ‘Am I The Asshole’ stories do you listen to a day?” Eloise asks as she waltzes into his room before she sits down on his desk chair.
Colin sighs irritatedly as he tosses his phone on the bed beside him, propping himself up on his elbows to look at Eloise.
Truthfully, she’s the last sibling he wants to see at this point. He’d rather have Anthony barge in and demand he work overtime than have to look Eloise in the eye.
It’s unfair to her, but Colin can’t help but feel resentful towards Eloise. After all, if she didn’t start dating Phillip then George wouldn’t be in such close proximity to Marina.
Eloise and Colin had several fights about George over the last four years, Colin questioning his sister’s loyalty to him as she pitied the other man, feeling sad about his not-quite-unrequited love for Colin’s fiancée.
But Eloise wasn’t the only one who coddled the man, it often felt like everyone saw a George that Colin simply couldn’t see. What Colin thought was pathetic, others saw as romantic. Behaviours that Colin deemed as creepy, other people in their circle called longing. What Colin thought was inappropriate, others brushed off as yearning.
“Not as many as you may think, most are twenty minutes each,” Colin replies. “You know, knocking is generally the polite thing to do,” Colin points out.
Eloise shrugs, pulling the chair closer to the bed so she can prop her sock clad feet on the end. “I mean, it’s partially my house too,” she points out.
“In what world?” Colin challenges. “It’s far more my house than yours, you don’t even live in this city anymore. I’ve been here for the last four months.”
“It belongs to our mother so it’s at least an eighth mine,” Eloise argues, putting on her solicitor voice.
Colin shakes his head. “You know it’s far more likely to go to the grandchildren than it is to go to us,” Colin scoffs. Everyone knows that Violet favours her grandchildren.
“True,” Eloise concedes easily. “I don’t get why you didn’t keep the flat, it was yours to begin with.”
Colin sighs, flopping onto his back as he throws his arm over his face. “I just couldn’t be there with traces of Marina everywhere. Besides, I have a place to go and she doesn’t so it just makes sense.”
Eloise hums. “I’m curious how she and George are going to afford the rent, it’s got to be over their budget.”
Colin winces but remains silent, his eyes staying firmly planted on the ceiling.
“Col,” Eloise prods. “How are they paying the rent?”
“I… might be paying the rent,” he sighs.
“Colin!” Eloise exclaims. “That’s pathetic!”
“I know,” Colin groans, digging his palms into his eyes until he sees stars. “I’ll stop, I will. I just… haven’t found my bearings yet. I was blindsided.”
A beat of silence passes between them before Eloise speaks again.
“Honestly, you should have expected this,” Eloise says, flipping absentmindedly through one of his books.
Colin cannot help but gape at her for a moment. Her jab hits him in the stomach, making it feel like the air has left his lungs.
It’s another shot, the sentiment everyone seems to be dancing around over the last few months, stated so bluntly that it catches Colin off guard.
“So you’re saying this is my fault, then?” Colin asks incredulously.
“No!” Eloise exclaims, throwing the book back down on his desk. “It’s just… you knew Marina and George had that whole soulmate bullshit from the start.”
“So it is my fault that my fiancée left me at my sister’s wedding, then,” Colin grumbles. “It’s nice to finally know what you all think of my relationship.”
Eloise shakes her head before approaching Colin’s bed. Colin can’t help but sneer at her, scrunching his legs up to his chest to create space.
“I think we’re just surprised that you’re so surprised,” Eloise explains weakly.
Colin feels ripples of irritation rip through him. Is this truly how everyone sees him? Nothing more than a speed bump on the way to George’s happy ending with Marina?
“I didn’t make Marina break up with George in the first place. I didn’t make her go on a date with me or move in with me or tell me she loved me. I asked her time and time again if she still had feelings for George and she told me no,” Colin says before swinging his legs off the bed, dragging his fingers through his hair as he begins to pace.
Colin stops abruptly, turning to Eloise. “I can’t read minds, El. I knew she had feelings for George but I… I just thought she loved me more,” Colin says, his voice cracking. “She said she did. I’m just an idiot for believing her.”
Eloise is silent for a moment, chewing her lip in contemplation.
“You’re not an idiot,” she begins. “You’re right, it wasn’t fair you got caught in the middle of their decades long will they-won’t they saga. You fell in love with a single woman, you didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just now I’m stuck in the middle between you and George,” Eloise points out.
“I’m your brother,” Colin says, affronted.
“And George is my brother-in-law, I’ve seen him miserable without Marina for the past few years, he’s really been trying to better himself,” Eloise says with a sigh, her shoulders sagging.
“So that he can steal my fiancée,” Colin concludes bitterly.
“You can’t steal a person, Colin,” Eloise says. “It was Marina’s choice, not George’s.”
“But you’re happy she chose George over me?” Colin asks, his voice cracking treacherously.
It was an insecurity that Colin has gained over the last few months as the news of his break up made the rounds of their unfortunately intermingled friend groups. The sheer lack of surprise, the cooing over the reunited lovers, the way everyone has seemed to forget that Colin once loved Marina too.
What made Colin’s love so forgettable? What made his pain less important than the pain George went through? Pain that George brought on himself after years of broken promises and indifference towards Marina.
Eloise shook her head frantically. “No,” she says emphatically. “I’m not happy with Marina. I’m not happy about any of this. You don’t think I wish she would find some other family to bother? To let you and George go instead of jerking you both around for the last few years? It’s fucked up, Colin. Honestly, I just want you to move on because she’s not worth all of this.”
Colin collapses down beside Eloise with a loud sigh.
“Look, I think you need to move out of mum’s house,” Eloise says, slapping her hand on Colin’s knee. “I think it would be good for you. You can’t rot here when you’re not at work.”
“And go live where?” Colin asks, throwing up his hands. “There’s no way I’m moving in with Anthony, he’ll get pissed if I’m not working constantly. You, Ben and Daphne live in the country. Francesca is in Scotland. Greg lives in Lucy’s house and Hy just moved in with Gareth.” Colin pauses for a moment before looking seriously at Eloise. “And don’t say Fife,” he adds.
What he fails to say is he already asked Fife and got told that he was too emo and was going to ruin what Fife horrifically called his “pussy palace”.
“Well, I have the perfect solution for you. Penelope is desperate for a flatmate,” Eloise says casually, as if the suggestion isn’t completely ridiculous.
Colin blinks up at the ceiling letting the suggestion settle over him for a beat before sitting up. “Pen hates me,” he says flatly, the reality of the situation still hurting even after all these years. “There’s no way she’d agree to that.”
Colin knows that Penelope would need a new flatmate now that Eloise moved to Phillip’s home outside of London. They lived in a beautiful three bedroom walk up, bright and airy and expensive. It was doable for two but there was no way Penelope could afford it on her own. Every so often, his mother would remark on Penelope living alone at that big flat by herself, worried for the tiny redhead.
“Like I said, she’s desperate,” Eloise repeats, raising one shoulder in a shrug. “She’s moving to New York City in a few months for work and it’s a lot harder to find a temporary flatmate than you’d think. Everyone wants a twelve month guarantee, but I brought up that you need a place to live and she agreed to let you move in,” Eloise explains before wincing slightly. “Begrudgingly, but she did agree.”
“New York?” Colin croaks.
The news feels like a blow. Colin may not see Penelope very often anymore, may no longer get the privilege of her company and her companionship but he always takes comfort in knowing she’s in the same city, that he will see her multiple times a year at various Bridgerton gatherings. The idea of her an ocean away makes him feel incredibly melancholy, the hopeless hope he clung to that one day she might want to be friends with him again fading even more.
There was a time where Penelope was the epitome of home for Colin, the representation of the warmth he felt in London. He never truly felt at home until she gave him that first hug when he finally got home from travelling for work. Even in the years that they haven’t talked, Penelope just felt so quintessentially London to him. She’s a classic British Rose, with flushed skin, the red of her hair brightening even the most overcast days, the blue of her eyes the shade of the most beautiful summer’s day laying on his back in Primrose Hill.
The idea of her in a different city, a different country, is hard to comprehend for Colin.
Eloise clasps a hand over her heart dramatically before shaking her head. “I don’t want to talk about it, I can’t imagine England without her but yes. She got an amazing opportunity to be a deputy editor and she leaves just after Christmas. That should be enough time for you to get your shit together.”
Colin frowns at Eloise.
“No one rushed George to get his shit together,” he mutters.
George, who got sympathetic looks whenever Colin dared make an appearance with his fiancée. Who slacked his way through the first two years after their break up, crashing on his brother’s couch.
At least Colin has a job.
Eloise scoffs before she starts to head for the door. “Of course we did,” she says exasperatedly. “It’s just his version of getting his shit together meant doing everything he needed to do to get Marina back. Your version has to be doing whatever you need to do to get over her.”
Eloise pauses before heading out the door.
“Maybe start with pawning that engagement ring,” she says, gesturing to the open ring box on Colin’s bedside table before heading out the door.
Colin glances at the ring propped up in an open ring box on his bedside table, lovingly placed there by Violet, who seemed aghast that Colin walked through the busy London streets with a loose five carat ring in his pocket.
For the first time, Colin was curious how much he could make on the ring. Perhaps enough to make up some of the wasted rent money.
“Text Penelope!” Eloise shouts over her shoulder as the door slams shut behind her.
With a heavy sigh, Colin flops back on his bed. The idea of moving when he has barely left his mother’s house in the last four months seems daunting. Other than a few suitcases, he left most of his belongings behind at the flat he shared with Marina.
But… Penelope’s place would be furnished. Tastefully decorated in the homey, girly way that Penelope loves so much. Cluttered photo frames with happy memories decorating every surface, hard to kill plants, books stacked everywhere and a centrally placed TV with comfy couches and cushions at the ready for movie nights.
Marina hated TV. She loved cold neutral colours and plain walls, accepting art from Benedict with a wince before tucking it into a spare room. It was a compromise Colin made, as someone who loved falling asleep in front of the TV after a long day and felt claustrophobic with blank, grey walls.
And it wouldn’t be the first time Colin lived with Penelope, having crashed there during the first few months of Covid before he could find a flat of his own. She was a respectful roommate then, always tidying her dishes and keeping common areas clean.
Not to mention that this could be his last chance to build their friendship back up.
It’s that point that gets caught in Colin’s mind. In mere months, Penelope would only be back in London once or twice a year at best, a full five hour time difference between them.
Colin always misses Penelope, and has never gotten over their estrangement. He thinks about her every day, even the smallest things reminding him of her. A Real Housewives gif, a new edition of a Jane Austen novel propped against the windows of independent book stores, particularly cozy socks, older Taylor Swift songs always cause a particular pain in his chest that he has just come to associate with Penelope.
Sometimes, lately, Colin worries it will be the same with Marina. Though he has been able to move on from his exes quite easily in the past, his inability to get over the end of his friendship with Penelope makes him concerned that perhaps he lost that ability over the years. Will he be walking down a street in London four years from now and be struck by something that brings back all the pain from his break up with Marina?
Somehow, he doubts it.
He tries not to dwell on that fact. It causes him to spiral about what the last five years have truly meant.
Colin spins over to lay on his side, dragging his pillow under his head.
Maybe this is his chance to ease some of the heartache he has from Penelope ending their friendship. Maybe they won’t end up being friends again but surely they could become friendly. Maybe they could become text friends while she’s away, maybe he could visit her, maybe they could have international movie nights like they used to.
And, loath as he is to admit it, maybe Eloise is right. He can’t keep staying at his mother’s house, oscillating between work and his childhood bedroom with the occasional boy’s night where his friends desperately try to hook him up with uninterested women, women who let Colin buy them a drink and zone out as he details the breakdown of his engagement.
For Colin, it’s a bit of a win-win. His friends think he’s moving on and he gets someone to talk to who doesn’t remind Colin that he’s the one who was interfering with true love. He doesn’t care if they swipe on Hinge as he prattles off intricate details, happily picking up their tabs at the end of the night before going home alone.
Yes, moving in with Penelope is a very good idea indeed. Perhaps the first good idea that Eloise has had in years, in Colin’s humble opinion.
With a smile on his face, Colin resolves to text Penelope in the morning.
For now, he has more Tik Toks to watch.
Notes:
So I decided to update this before Thanksgiving since there was a big reaction to the last chapter. Probably won't get around to updating this story until next Friday because I'm going to be posting something for Kinktober on Tuesday. My Kinktober goals are days 14, 26 and 29 and this story will be updated around those this month.
Eloise may seem cruel here but she’s essentially my vessel for how folks tend to talk about the loser of a love triangle. The whole they should have known, it’s their fault for getting involved when the reality is, all they did was trust the person they had feelings for.
Thanks so much for all the comments last chapter! I would ask that people be respectful in the comments and know that everything will be explained! However, it is somewhat of a slow burn (as slow as it can be in 12ish chapters and an epilogue).
But please (respectfully) let me know what you think!!
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