Chapter Text
They said God was everywhere, but Megumi wasn’t really a believer, so he was very fond of his solitude. He used to be way more outgoing when he was a child, or that’s what his father always said. To be fair, he didn’t remember much. His mother’s passing changed many things about his social capacities and preferences in life, and even if that happened almost ten years ago already, the consequences were still there.
Too much for someone who just wanted to live a normal life and have some fun. Sadly, those two things not always came together.
His father always had an eye on him. Nothing too dramatic, but Megumi felt observed even when going to sleep. Yes, he totally understood his worries; his son quitted High School almost a year ago, and he had no intentions of returning nor going to college. In fact, all he wanted was to move somewhere else and start over. New life, new beginnings. Somewhere and something that didn’t remind him of the boredom of his current life.
If only his dad understood…
“You’re leaving again?” Since it wasn’t that late in the night, the man was still awake. Megumi knew from the sound coming from the television, always playing some dumb entertainment show no one care about but that worked fine to break the silence. Hearing him wasn’t that surprising, and yet… he hoped to go out unnoticed.
“Yeah,” he said.
Slowly, he turned his face right to the living room where his dad was sat. Kitchen was right to the left. As he stood still at the last step from the stairs, he wondered if he should go pick up some drink before leaving. Heading towards the door in front of him without waiting for his dad to answer would have been cruel.
So he went to the fridge, and grabbed a soda can instead.
“Alone?”
“I always go alone, dad.”
Had he any friends at all? Probably not, just random people he sometimes used to chat and meet if loneliness was too much to handle. When going out at night, he always preferred his own presence and nothing else.
He heard his father sighing. The man wasn’t a big fan of his seventeen years old boy wandering around a dark town like the one they lived in. He also knew he couldn’t stop him.
“Will you call me?”
“When?” Instead of refusing, Megumi wanted to clarify first. That brought his dad’s visual attention to him again. The TV wasn’t that fascinating anymore.
“If you need something.” He opened the can and took a sip, delaying any possible answer. “A ride, me picking you up.”
“I will.”
He surely won’t, because he never did… and Megumi had quite hideous experiences going out on his own in which he would have totally appreciated his dad’s presence around. Telling him so would be devastating; that man cared way too much about him. Giving him more reasons to stay up all night wasn’t his thing.
So he never told him about the multiple fights, the suffered harassment nor the few times the police threatened with taking him with them. Being a minor saved him many troubles, but at the end of the day, he faced them all alone just because he chose to.
That wouldn’t change that single night. Mostly because Megumi didn’t plan on being in danger by any means. It was a rough day, one of those in which he woke up and knew from the beginning that nothing good could come out of it. No major reason behind it, just the vague routine of mourning an exciting life that never started.
And instead of chasing after it in pubs, clubs or areas in which minors like him shouldn’t be allowed, Megumi always ended up in a place he considered a bigger scam.
God gave much less in return from each prayer than a bar in exchange for a few bucks.
But he still tried, no matter what. Maybe because his mother used to quite often, and his dad couldn’t keep up with that practice and made a habit of his as he has. In fact, Megumi believed in God way less than his father did, and that was a lot to say considering that the man hated on the divine figure for all the struggles He didn’t help them with.
Megumi wasn’t the one to decide either to agree or not. Sometimes he needed to actually believe there was something bigger out there, in order to not lost hope. Other times, he just didn’t give a damn. No matter what his mindset was for the day; one or the other, his steps always took him to the town’s church as if that would be the solution to everything.
He lived in a solitaire area of a county in which most of its people resided in the capital. Therefore, the church wasn’t very crowded since not many families still had their houses in the outskirts as they did. Surprisingly, though, nighttime Masses were always quite popular. Most people needed to leave the area in order to go to work, or even socializing took them to the most centric parts of the county, which meant that it wasn’t rare to see the streets quite busy after dinner time. Even Megumi’s mom loved to attend the ceremonies close to midnight.
He kinda inherited that from her.
His dad, though… He hadn’t put a step on one since she passed.
Megumi was different. He never interfered, not followed the priest’s schedule unless it was for praying time. Confessing wasn’t his thing either. If he attended the Masses it was only because he felt hopeful, even if he didn’t really know why. His father wasn’t wrong when complaining about the abandonment from the one above. Instead of being angry too, he just assumed that if no one was out there to reply, there was nothing to hope from it either.
So, why praying, then? Why visiting the church so often? If the people in there knew what his usual schedule was instead… Would they allow him in? He wasn’t what’s considered a pure soul, starting with the fact that he wasn’t considered a boy at birth or that liked men, and following with the amount of things he had done with them that would make Jesus close his eyes.
Maybe that’s why God wasn’t around for him; there was nothing pleasant to see.
It’s not that he cared about how acceptable that was or not. In fact, he cared not. His mother taught him that he would always be loved no matter what, and she was very aware of his likings even if back in the day he was only a child. So whenever Megumi sat on one of the church’s benches in order to hear the late night Mass, instead of thinking of the Bible or its sayings, he just hoped for his mom to listen.
That was the company he cared for. He only hopped his father got it too.
It was a cold night; beginning of December, and those places weren’t the warmest around to stay for long periods of time. He still enjoyed the sensation. The right side was always warmer for some reason, so that’s where he always sat, right at the back.
There was a woman in the first row in front of him that clearly hoped for some more heat, and an old marriage sitting not far from here that still wore their winter accessories even during praying time. Other than them, a businessman seemed too stressed on the left side, almost forcing himself away from the public view. Wiping his sweat, Megumi could swear he could hear his prayers out loud. The pregnant woman a few rows behind him didn’t seem to care; she was shining bright while keeping his eyes to the figure of Jesus behind the Priest.
All had their lives, their worries or greetings. It was always like that, and anyone could wonder about what brought them there that night in order to talk with God.
And yet, Megumi never cared much. He never cared… until that night.
Just one row behind him, but sitting on the left side instead, a strange mange listened carefully to the silences of the church. He wans’t praying, or at least he didn’t like anyone around. On that, he was more similar to Megumi, who also avoided the regular methods to talk with his mom. She would listen no matter what, so why kneeling or closing his eyes?
That man… He was just sitting straight. From afar, he seemed strong, but not too bulked to be intimidating. Actually, Megumi didn’t really know what to think of him: he had his face tattooed symmetrically, and wore a long black coat underneath a dark gray and fluffy scarf. His hair was pinkish, quite unusual for someone not in his teens anymore in that area. Since not many people lived around there, he knew that said man wasn’t a local.
He would remember. He would totally remember someone so beautiful and hot.
Suddenly, the conversation with his mom vanished from his memory. What was that man thinking of? What brought him there that night? He didn’t seem worried, but there was no happiness in sight either. When approaching people in a bar or around, Megumi didn’t struggle a single bit; he always knew what to say or do in order to get their attention. That time, though… he didn’t even know why he wanted that man to see him, to begin with. But he wanted. He totally wanted those eyes that seemed reddish to move to the side and find him. Sadly, they did not.
Not until Megumi decided to take the stage and become bigger than God himself.
Without thinking much about it, he stood up and walked towards that man’s line of benches until placing himself right in front of him. Once there, he tilted back, almost sitting on the front bench’s rest. He lifted one leg (the right one) and stepped right to the man’s thigh. He kept the left still down, waiting just in case he could be beaten up.
It wouldn’t be the first one he tried flirting with the wrong people.
So far, that didn’t seem the case. The crimson eyes of the beautiful man in front of him didn’t hesitate and soon faced his. Slowly and cautious, he didn’t seem disturbed by his presence… but kinda surprised. Megumi, who was holding onto the bench’s rest, smiled.
“So?” he softly spoke to the man, “am I what you were praying for?”
The place wasn’t dark enough for the priest or other people to not see them. He was doing no wrong, though, so not even the man’s silence stopped him from trying. Once he saw him kindly smiling back, Megumi hopped for it to be a good omen. It was sadly too good to be true; the man looked perfect to his eyes, there was no way it was a mutual feeling.
“Was I even praying?”
Before saying anything else, Megumi analyzed his appearance in order to get some hints from him. Even sitting, he looked tall. He could confirm he was very fit, considering how big his legs were compared to his. His body wasn’t very easy to describe: other than the huge scarf and cozy coat, he would have sworn he was wearing nothing underneath. He could see his collarbones, and some skin of his lower abs. Was he shirtless in the middle of the night? December was cold as hell in the town, wasn’t he freezing?
Something Megumi couldn’t tell from afar was his mood or state: he didn’t seem drunk, nor drugged. In fact, the vibes he gave were very casual and normal, at least when it came to his physical health. Apart from it… there was a strange aura around him. A weird sensation that took over Megumi as he started to feel warmer, somehow.
It could be that the man turned him on, or it could be just a mystery.
“Well, that’s even better for me,” the young boy said, “I get ahead of events, and answer a call that hasn’t been done yet.” Now yes, he lifted his left foot too and framed the man’s body with his legs. So far, he wasn’t amused. “I’m God’s most desired angel, don’t you like what you see?”
Flirting in church had its risks. What were the chances of finding a man willing to go with another one in a place like that? Well, Megumi knew the odds were few, but they were still there. That tattooed dude wouldn’t be the first to accept.
He just hoped he would be the next one.
“Do you usually blaspheme in sacred places?”
Even if that was quite rejecting, Megumi held his hopes high because he knew what believers used to think and say. Sacred place? The usual Christian would have said the House of God. Was that man playing fool? Did he have a chance after all?
“You can ask Him,” Megumi invited him to do, almost risking too much. “Ask Him if He sends me to you, if you really need an answer to that…”
Going too far when it was still too soon, Megumi came closer until almost begging for a kiss. Before even reaching his face, the man gently placed his hand on his lower chest, stopping him immediately. The boy sighed, disappointed. That didn’t erase his smile, though.
Nor the man’s soft grin.
“I don’t think this is the best place to look for love.” Those words sounded sad and heavy, Megumi couldn’t decode them. Instead, he didn’t give them a second go.
It wasn’t love what he was chasing after.
“But it’s ideal for those in search for something else.” His sneakers were old enough for him to easily bring his foot out of one of them. Carefully, he brought his foot’s sole to his thigh and moved it down and then up, until reaching his crotch. The man didn’t react nor stopped looking him in the eye. “Come on, it is a cold night. Don’t you fancy some heat?” Still playful, Megumi came closer again, now to his ear. “Have you ever tasted a boy’s pussy before?” The man smelled delicious. “They say it helps to keep your faith unbreakable.”
As he slightly pulled back to see his reaction, he could see his bright eyes coming down from the front to his crotch, where his tight jeans could prove there was no bulge underneath. Was he trying to guess if he was being honest? Some dudes were freaks and liked trans guys more than cis. Especially religious ones, somehow Megumi had a whole record on weirdos that thought that fucking someone like him wouldn’t make them gay. Transphobia was pure shit, but he was no saint either; maybe they sucked as human beings, but if he wanted to get fucked, he didn’t care much.
Quite depressing. His father didn’t know, but he was suspicious. His mother… He would need to apologize again, just like every time.
“What?” he asked, considering that the man didn’t react much. “You want it?”
“No,” he said after a few seconds. His eyes were back up. Megumi felt as if he would be staring into his soul. “But, thank you for the offer. I still consider this is not the place, nor the time. Still, I won’t judge, though. I’m not here for that tonight.”
There was something very odd coming from that man. His attitude was so… relaxed. Even to reject him, he didn’t seem offended, bothered nor even interested. But Megumi could see some sadness behind his eyes, or some strange emotion that he couldn’t identify.
The warmth he felt was still untouchable, but it wasn’t his horniness that time. Curiosity was strong, but, how much? Was it enough for him to be so intrigued? And why did he talk like that? He somehow reminded him of old priests he knew: too ahead of every common knowledge that it made the normies like him look stupid.
And yet, he felt no harsh feelings coming towards him. It’s as if he would be too busy keeping his mind away from whichever place it was before, but Megumi wasn’t succeeding. Not with his flirting attempts, nor with what that man wanted, apparently.
I’m not here for that tonight. Who the hell was he, and what was he doing there?
“I don’t think God himself is either,” he said, “I highly doubt he will be offended or disappointed by me.”
“He may be.”
Megumi raised his left eyebrow in a daring gesture. The beautiful man was still grinning, but nothing too obvious nor big. In fact, not cocky at all, just… gentle.
Very gentle, and very sad.
“How do you know that?” Going along with his roleplay wasn’t hard, so he decided to do it in order to finally get something from the encounter. “Do you talk with Him often?”
The man’s smile grew in meaning, but not in shape. A thin wrinkle appeared on the corner of his lips, as if that question made him realize something he wasn’t aware of. Whatever he was going to answer, had a different meaning inside. Megumi was sure of it.
“I do.”
He had heard many people in his life say something similar, starting with his mom and following with everybody else. It didn’t matter if it was a relevant figure from Church or just a regular believer, Megumi never, ever thought of it as something that could be true. Not even when it was his mother who said it, because his dad’s beliefs were always too strong around to make him doubt even of her word. That lasted to that day, still.
And yet… Why did he feel so real? Somehow, that man seemed honest. Not in a magical way, but in one that made Megumi worry about what was going on inside his brain. If he talked with God or not, he couldn’t tell. As a not firmly believer, he doubted it. As someone that still had faith in something bigger… his heart beat faster, maybe with hope.
It may be just another fool begging to a divinity for help, but he wanted it to be true.
Just so he could feel less stupid too.
“Are you a priest?” he asked. Unless he was a devoted man from head to toes, the only possibility for him to define the man was if he was part of it. Which, to be fair, wasn’t enough to stop him. It was even more attractive, actually. “Because I’ve been with a few of those before…” He again came closer, almost brushing his nose with the tip of his. “I’m very good at giving head in a confessional booth.”
There would be a point in which that man would really feel offended, but it was somehow still far from happening. The grin didn’t fade away, not even after those words. If Megumi didn’t kiss him right there, it was just because… just because.
He wondered, but didn’t find an answer to explain why.
“How old are you?” The man asked, then. Once again, the reasons behind his questions were a mystery to him. There was more than it meats the eye.
Megumi could sadly tell he wasn’t going to get laid by him that night.
“Seventeen,” he said, “soon to be eighteen and an adult.”
His birthday was in a few weeks. He had been having sex for long enough to even remember, and he still knew that, if he got to share his starting age with his father, the man would get a stroke. He rarely met with boys his age, they were always older and, therefore, disgusting most of the time. Maybe that man was no different… Megumi still wanted to try.
He was mesmerizing as he was charming. Something about him was so whimsical. What the Church speech didn’t give him in years, that man was captivating him in just a vague chat in a beloved sanctuary.
“Not what I would expect from someone your age to be doing on a confessional booth, I think,” the man said. Even if it was an obvious joke, it still felt very harsh for him. Like a scolding punishment he refused to accept.
If he had no interest in fucking him, then he should leave judgment aside.
“What can I say,” Megumi played back, “I’m full of surprises…” Cupping his chin with his burning hand, he lifted the man’s face until he could manage to leave a soft kiss right underneath his lower lip. He regretted not kissing his mouth soon after that. “And you are about to miss all of them.”
“Yes,” the man said. “I suppose I am.”
As if Megumi’s legs were no more than feathers, the man stood up and walked away. Slowly and carefully, staying right in the middle of the corridor, right in front of the altar and shrine where the priest was praying. Whatever he would have expected to see him doing (crossing himself, bowing or at least moving), he got nothing. The man only breathed in and closed his eyes, then, he turned around to leave.
Megumi was fast to go after him. No, he wasn’t persistent enough to actually believe he could get him in bed that night. But somehow, a part of him held hopes.
“Who are you?” He asked from the under the gates. The pink haired and tattooed man turned around from the higher steps, still not far enough. There was no smile now in his face, as if his question was a complicated one. “You are not from this town. Who are you?”
The crimson eyes that were so mesmerizing now flew away from his emerald ones. They stood wandering around for a few seconds, not many. Enough to give the man a reason to smile again. It was still a sad and distant grin, but it was something.
“Sukuna,” he said.
Before Megumi could have an opinion in such a weird name, the man was again walking down the steps and leaving him behind. That time, he didn’t go after him. He left him disappear down the street on that freezing night. Megumi was wearing no more than a thing jersey underneath a denim jacket. His breath was cold as fuck, and his cheeks soon started to turn read as he stood there for way too long, trying to get something more from that man.
If that was his real name or not, if he talked with God or was just a creep. If he was real or an illusion, a product that came out of his imagination or most depraved fantasies.
Whatever it was, the answer wouldn’t be given to him so easily. That, he knew.
Frustrated and shaking from the cold, he went back in and sat on the same bench as before. The Mass was over already, but he still had a few things to talk with his mom before heading back home.