Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Branzy’s been to a lot of worlds.

He’s been to a world where you can steal lives, a world with no name and a bunch of insane people friends, a world with literal frickin’ monsters and entities!

So why was he so confused when he woke up next to the sea?

As he came to, memories came flooding back as he remembered what the heck he was doing there in the first place.

Branzy—no, sorry—Branzy Bones needs to survive a hundred days as a pirate (wait, a pirate?) and find the seven most powerful treasures in the ocean…or die trying.

…Well. At least he’s got his mission now. The question is, how the heck is he supposed to “be a pirate” when he doesn’t even have a boat??

He stares around, confused, until he checks his inventory and finds a small dinghy just enough for one. Why didn’t he check earlier? Great question, he doesn’t really know either. Point is, he’s got a boat!

As he sails, he finds that a dinghy is not a suitable boat for a fearsome pirate like him, which makes his first target of the day to steal a bigger boat. Which he spots just up the horizon. Huzzah!

As he rows closer and climbs up, he calls out, expecting hoping for no one, and it honestly seemed so. That was, until a few pirates/villagers came out donning guns and an angry expression.

“Holy heck, they’ve got frickin’ muskets!” As Branzy ran for his life, he would’ve thought he was the worst pirate he’d seen. And right now, he kinda was. But! That doesn’t mean there weren’t any other fish in the sea, and that there weren’t ant other boats to pirate.

”And there we have another boat! Let’s see if there’s anyone to pirate, heh, and—OH MY GOD IS THAT A SEA SERPENT?!”

And what a sea serpent it was. It swam and splashed and roared and thrashed and blocked Branzy’s way to the boat. He manoeuvred his way to safety, which didn’t end up being that safe at all, when the serpent lunged onto the boat, causing Branzy and two sailors to hold on for dear life.

”Alright, sailors! We aren’t gonna make it out of here alive, unless someone sacrifices themselves,” Branzy shouts out amid the chaos. “So…anyone?”

”Can we have a vote?” a sailor pipes up.

That sailor met his doom a few minutes later.

”Well, glad that’s all well and settled!” Branzy chirped. “Sorry about your friend though, it was necessary,” he said with no visible remorse.

”Look, on the bright side, I accomplish my first ever target, and you get a captain! Win-win!”

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After docking on an island to make his ship actually seaworthy (and failing at antics fueled by his new-found grappling hook), Branzy’s next target is to steal a bigger ship! Because what kind of pirate is satisfied with something as mediocre as what he has now?

A bad one, that’s for sure.

“Now,” Branzy turns to his captive crewmate, lovingly dubbed Reggie (for his real name, he wouldn’t reveal. Oh well.) “You man the ship, and I do the piracy. Got it?”

Reggie nodded, in fear that he’d get fed to the depths of the sea like his friend if he dared to defy.

“Gentlemen!” Branzy announced as he climbed onto a ship. “My name is Captain Branzy Bones, and I will be commandeering your ship!”

That sounded like a pretty convincing announcement, if he could say so himself!

“No.”

Well, it did sound convincing, until the actual captain of the ship, Captain Cat walked out behind him.

“Well—uh—hello, captain!” Branzy stammered, caught red-handed.

As the captain walked out, Branzy could see him gripping a sharp sword, emerald green eyes piercing through his skull.

“So…what brings you to the middle of the ocean?”

”I was actually headed to my home. A very beautiful home, as a matter of fact. The Unnamed Pirate Cove.”

“…Unnamed?”

”Okay, well, I probably should’ve named it before I left, but! We have other, more pressing matters at hand. Such as what you’re doing to my ship.”

Oh yeah, that. “Well…”

”Tell you what, let’s strike a deal. In exchange for you not commandeering my ship, I’ll show where my beautiful magic Pirate Cove is. Yeah? You could like, use it or. Something.”

For a captain with a sword at hand, Cat’s weirdly not very intimidating. Branzy’s still gonna steal his ship, but if there’s one thing he’s learned from the countless pirate movies he’s watched in another world, it’s that no pirate is complete without a pirate cove. And if he could take over said pirate cove, then he could get one step closer to being the greatest pirate in the seven seas—

Snap, snap. “So? What say you?” Cat arched an eyebrow, waiting for a response. 

“Oh, um,” As Branzy snapped out of his thoughts, he finds that he’s staring right into the eyes of one of Cat’s sailors. “Well, I just—don’t really like how this guy’s looking at me right now, y’know?”

“Oh, trust me, I hate the way he’s looking at you too.”

Chapter Text

When Cat and Branzy sailed into the unnamed Pirate Cove (“Excuse you, it’s a beautiful magic Pirate Cove, actually.”), Branzy thought that Cat may have overhyped this. It was a decent cove, yes, but he wouldn't call it magic or anything. All he can see are a bunch of tall rocks and vines. And water, of course.

”Cat, I have a feeling that you may have overhyped this.”

”Nonsense, Barnzy the pirate! This is the best Pirate Cove for miles!” 

“One, this is the only pirate cove for miles.”

”Which makes it the best!”

Well, he couldn’t argue with that logic.

”Two, it’s Captain Branzy, thank you.”

”Branzy, Barnzy, barely a difference honestly.”

Note to self: make Cat learn how to say his name.

“Speaking of, I have a feeling you’ll change your opinion once you see the main part of this cove.”

”Sure.”

“Oh, would you look at that. We’ve arrived.”

And Branzy’s jaw dropped.

Cat was right, this cove was beautiful. It was huge, there were lookouts and lighthouses, paths and hallways that really set the scene, vines tangled between pillars and rooms. It had captain’s quarters, shopping centres, taverns. It even had a hobo’s den for a local, well, hobo!

”It’s cool.” It was incredible.

And it had to be Branzy’s.

Cat lead him to a secluded corner near the captain’s quarters. “Now, Barnzy. This is your house.” If Branzy was smiling before, he wasn’t now.

The house was simple. Like, bare minimum simple. Personally, Branzy wouldn’t even call it a house, more like a room. There was a mattress with a pillow, a crafting table, and a small chest. This would not do for a captain like him!

As Cat toured him around the cove, they stopped at Cat’s house, aka the captain’s quarters. “Hold up, I have to go get something real quick.”

Now this is a house worthy of a captain, Branzy thought. Sadly, he wasn’t the captain that resided here. Maybe he could convince Cat to share these quarters…

Branzy brushed his fingers over the spruce desk, lost in thought. His main goal is to be the strongest, most fearsome pirate in all the seven seas, find all its treasures, and basically take over this world. But right now, all he has is a mediocre boat, an ally that can’t even say his name right, and a room with three walls. How was he supposed to be feared with this?

Out of curiosity (and probably at least a bit of spite), he sat down in Cat’s chair. It was…comfy. Definitely fit for a captain. Oh, how Branzy wishes it was meant for him instead…

…maybe there was a way he could convince his to give up his throne…

…actually—

“Hey! Get out of my desk!”

At that, Branzy snapped out of his thoughts and immediately got hit with a punch by Cat.

“Whoa—ow—okay! Okay, I’m getting off!” He quickly stood up before Cat could land another punch on him. “I’m telling you, I’m gonna fill this entire room with treasure—and my house too!—and then we’ll see who the pirates see as their captain and king, yeah?”

”Is that a threat?” Cat raised his eyebrows.

”It’s a promise.”

”I feel like by the time a no-good scallywag like you steal enough treasure to even fill up that chest in your room, I’ll be ready for retirement.”

“Hah! You’ll be wishing for that when I’m done.”

And just like that, Branzy’s got another target: be the pirate king in this cove, or lose his dignity and live as a unknown rando forever. And Branzy does not do with staying unknown.