Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

I open the door again, greet my mother on the couch, get to my room and instantly collapse in my bed, softly dropping my backpack on the floor so as to not break the computer inside.

I have so much goddamn work to do for next monday it’s not even funny. 

I thought I would escape from all of the homework and studying when I got to university. In retrospect, that was a uniquely stupid thought, considering both of my siblings told me the opposite way back when they first entered.

Uuuuuuuugh.

Usually I’m not this tired. I’d already be dead if that was the case. But today? Today feels like I’m continually getting ran over by trucks of varying sizes.

And, as those of astute minds may be able to guess, it fucking sucks.

…Actually, no, I stand back up. I’m thirsty as hell. I leave my room and head to the kitchen-

The lights cut out.

And not just the lightbulbs, either. The entire goddamn apartment is suddenly plunged into darkness.

“Uh. Hey.”

No answer.

“Mom?”

No answer.

I pull my phone out of my pocket to get my flashlight-

There’s no phone in my pocket, because there is, in fact, no pocket at my hip.

“M- Mom?”

Still no answer.

I try to reach around me for the walls, and-

Nothing.

My breath quickens.

Where-

Where the hell am I?

What’s happening?

Hey, wait, is that-

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-light WHY THE FUCK CAN’T I BREATHE HOLY SHIT MY LUNGS WHEREAREMYLUNGSWHEREAMIHELPMEPLEASEHELPICAN’TBREATHE

Light hits my face.

I can’t breathe, and yet my body doesn’t yearn for air.

I can’t feel my mouth. Or any part of my face, for that matter. Or a lot of parts that most people would consider necessary for human life.

I try to move, to scream, to do anything. Nothing happens.

Sound fills the air.

“Subject 019 seems to have awoken. It is unresponsive, but clearly cognizant of its surroundings.”

“It appears to be a future Paradox. Strangely, the journals do not mention this Pokemon, and it does not seem to resemble currently discovered Pokemon.”

“IS-02, your opinion?”

“Origin of specimen unknown. I shall ask WK-02 if they-”

A roar so loud it shakes the earth erupts.

“-Operation cancelled. I will, therefore, ask F-IV if they recognize it.” I hear nearly silent movement, and the sound of something like a tail swishing against stone.

What the fuck is happening.

I blink a few times. Or, at least, I try to, and find that I can’t. I try to move my arms to wipe my eyes, and-

I hear the high clink of metal hitting glass.

“Subject has initiated movement. I suggest preparing the restraints.”

“Good idea.”

Someone moves away from me, and I hear their footsteps. Or, I would, if I wasn’t currently occupied with mashing my hands against my head.

My smooth, cubic head, seemingly made of metal and glass, from the sounds it emits when my hands (also metal?!) tap against it. I can barely feel the actual texture of it.

What the fuck is happening?!

WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?!

I sit up as fast as I can, and my head bonks against something hard and metal. It doesn’t hurt, but what it does do is make me hear a loud beep, and suddenly, I see.

I wish I didn’t see.

I’m sitting up in some sort of small glass chamber, ceiling and floor made of metal. Right outside of the chamber is some sort of room, every centimeter of wall taken up by wiring and strange colors and things that don’t look like they should exist. 

Two people are staring at me, unblinking. A handsome, tall man in a lab coat and with an extremely chiseled chin and a purple color scheme, and a tall woman in a lab coat and what I can only describe as ‘caveman drip’.

Wh- I know those. I know them. I’ve seen them before. I know who they are.

I slowly look down.

My body doesn’t stare back up at me. What does are plates of metal, wiring, small LED screens and various tubes in a vague humanoid shape.

Someone says something, but I don’t know what. My hands (they’re not my hands) are shaking.

I curl one of them up into a fist, and barely feel its metal casing.

I punch.

I don’t know why. Maybe it’s fear, maybe it’s frustration, maybe it’s whatever’s happening hitting me at once, but I punch.

The glass shatters like, well, glass.

Which doesn’t really make sense considering it looks to be a good twenty centimeters thick.

I stare at my fist for a good minute. It’s entirely unharmed. I slowly tilt my head back up to the two people observing me, now surrounded by chunks of glass and looking entirely unbothered.

The woman says something again. I hear the words, but I don’t understand them in the slightest. I feel…

Numb.

I step down onto the floor in front of them.

The man pulls something out of his pocket. Something that looks like a remote control. He presses a round, red button on it.

I hear the sounds of something stepping behind me, like stilettos on a metal floor. 

I whirl around-

SLASH

THUNK

Something hits the ground and, suddenly, I can’t feel my arm at all anymore.

My head slowly tilts to where the second sound came from.

A metallic arm, leaking some pinkish fluid, lying on the floor.

An empty space where my arm should be.

I prize myself on my ‘fight’ responses in fight or flight situations. Usually, I’m the one who wins, because nobody expects the tiny girl you just threw a rock at to pick up a chair and hunt you down like a torpedo.

Not this time.

I don’t even look back at whatever chopped off my arm. My legs move before my brain even processes what’s happening, leaving the dead limb behind.

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I run, and run. Another slash comes from behind me, and I quickly roll to the side, dodging it. I don’t even do it voluntarily. It’s like I’m running on autopilot.

I run through some doors, and they snap shut behind me. Good. I keep running, not needing any time to catch my breath, because I literally can’t breathe.

Outside seems to be some kind of giant misty cave, made of massive rocky cliffs, lush green grass and moss covering each surface. I spot a few buildings like the one I just exited.

SLASH

BANG

“Subject 019, I would recommend you stop resisting arrest, or I will be obligated to call upon higher forces.”

I freeze, and turn around, slowly.

Something steps out of the ruins of what was previously the door I just came out of.

Something vaguely humanoid that I recognize on sight.

Iron Valiant points its weapon at me, glowing a harsh pink.

“Surrender now and place your hand above your head where it is visible.”

I step backwards, instinctively.

“Do not take another step, subject 019. I am warning you politely.”

I take another.

“Updating preferences. You have chosen: Death.”

Okay, yeah, fuck this, absolutely not. I immediately run in the opposite direction, as fast as I can. Another slash rings out, and I nearly dodge it. A small chip of metal is shaved off of my ‘head’, but I don’t even feel it.

I keep running-

Oh, I probably should have looked where I was running.

I fall.

And fall. 

And fall, until I hit water with a loud splash.

Everything goes dark, and I die.

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I jolt awake.

Wow, my bed is really uncomfortable tonight. Like I was sleeping on a cave’s floor.

I had this really strange nightmare. What the hell was that about?

I rub my eyes.

Only one arm comes up, and hits glass.

Oh.

Oh, that wasn’t a nightmare.

Oh, god.

Oh.

I’m-

I-

“GRggrrrmmgmrgm?”

My head whirls around.

A massive quadrupedal red dinosaur, three times as big as I am, stares at me curiously.

I stare at it in silence.

It emits a noise that sounds suspiciously close to a dog’s barking. Except, you know, for the fact that a goddamn Koraidon is the one making the sound.

I crawl backwards, almost falling over from the imbalance brought by my lack of symmetry.

It slowly walks towards me.

My back hits something metallic with a clink and my head whirls around once again.

Oh, god fucking dammit.

In all of its purple mildly phallic glory is a motherfucking Miraidon, laying on its side. It stares at me lazily, barely even reacting.

I crawl backwards, and my back hits the Koraidon.

Oh.

Oh, I’m about to get eaten by a pair of giant fictional dinosaurs.

Or- or not. Hold on. Okay. Calm down. What do I know? There’s supposed to be two of one of these. Either two Miraidon or two Koraidon. One is hyper-agressive, and the other is the ride Pokemon.

Maybe why I haven’t been attacked is because they’re the ride Pokemon, and they’re therefore nice?

Oh, of course they are! Koraidon is quadrupedal, and Miraidon is grounded. I would sigh in relief if I could, but I have neither lungs nor the calm required to do so.

In fact, I’m surprised I managed to be rational enough to figure out that these guys wouldn’t hurt me.

“Hey, uh-” The words come out of my ‘mouth’ (screen? Whatever my face is) before I can stop them. 

They aren’t mine. The voice is too high-pitched and feminine, not nearly human enough. 

This might be the only point in time I’ve ever wanted to talk with my actual voice.

“I-”

Koraidon tilts its head at me, looking more and more like a giant scaly puppy by the second.

“I- I don’t- please- don’t-”

The Miraidon yawns again, stretches, and stands up.

Is that-

Are those-

Wounds?

Giant gashes in its side leak dark liquid.

I look back at my arm, and then back at it.

They won’t hurt me.

The thought comes once again from basically nowhere, but I’m more certain of them than I’ve ever been. They’re in nearly the same situation as I am, just… worse.

I…

Can I help them?

Miraidon tilts its head as well. It barks out a sound like a series of beeps, and something deeper in the cave we’re in responds similarly.

Wait, are there more-

A tiny Iron Bundle waddles into view. Its head is almost falling from its neck, and it sports wounds like Miraidon’s.

Koraidon lets out a low growl, and I turn towards it next. It’s got similar wounds that I somehow hadn’t even noticed before, oozing a dark red liquid like thick blood.

From where the Iron Bundle came, a large pink ball bounces out, long tail swishing behind it. A Scream Tail. It bounces in happily, entirely unharmed, until it spots me.

It freezes, funnily enough, exactly like I do.

Its eyes suddenly get slightly teary, and it puffs up a little-

Koraidon lets out another low growl, and it deflates, potentially saving us from a blast of sound loud enough to kill all of us.

Everyone is staring at me, as if they’re expecting something.

“I-”

Words don’t come out.

Which is fair. Most people probably wouldn’t know how to react to two robots and two dinosaurs waiting for you to save them from their underground prison. 

Is this what Frisk Undertale felt like?

Am I going to have to fight a giant angel goat with the power of friendship?

“I- uh- I don’t-”

“Knock, knock.”

All of us turn to face a giant, floating, extremely purple Miraidon at the entrance of our cave.

We all take a step back at exactly the same time.

“You have to say ‘Who’s there?’, or else the joke doesn’t work. Knock, knock.”

“Wh- Who’s there?”

“Lightning.”

“Lightning who?”

An arc of lighting goes two centimeters above my head, hitting the nearest wall and leaving a small crater, exploding with the force of a grenade.

Okay, once again, fuck this, I'm out! My body moves almost on its own, slinging my one arm over the friendly Miraidon’s back and climbing onto it. With one leg, I kick up the Iron Bundle, and it lands on Miraidon as well. Koraidon, at the same time, picks up the Scream Tail.

Wings spread out on either side of me, and-

A bolt of white lightning hits me square in the face.

For the third time in very quick succession, everything goes dark, and I die.

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I suddenly sit up.

Wow, this is a weird position to be in. Why are my legs dangling? 

I look down.

Oh.

I look back up.

Well then.

I have had many fears over the years. Centipedes, death, getting chased by Freddy Fazbear’s rejected cousin with a laser sword (pretty recent), that one specific vulture that hated my guts…

But only a few have stuck with me for my entire life. One of them is heights.

Being on the back of a robot lizard flying a kilometer in the air with a very cold robot penguin in my one arm really does not help.

I look down again, unwillingly.

If I could throw up, I would. But I don’t, since I can’t. What I do, instead, is feel myself slowly slipping from Miraidon’s back, and I can’t do anything to stop it.

Someone, and I don’t know who, says something. I understand the words, but they enter one ear (do I even have ears anymore?) and exit the other.

Iron Bundle seemingly notices as well, as it tries to latch on to the Legendary. 

It doesn’t work.

I pass out as I fall, Ice-type still in my arms. As my vision fades, I see the pink puffball that is Scream Tail jump off of Koraidon’s back, trying to catch up to us.

I don’t have time to see if it works. Everything goes dark for the fourth goddamn time wow this is getting old, and I die.

- - -

Bundle slowly lands, flapping their tiny flippers to try and stay afloat, clutching the inanimate corpse of their new friend in their ‘talons’. It doesn’t work, but it at least (somehow) slows their fall, and they don’t turn into a metal pancake.

Tail floats down next, puffed up with air. He hits the ground and deflates with a small squeak. “Oof, well, this place doesn’t seem too bad!”

Bundle doesn’t respond, instead looking around themselves, head rotating. They seem to be in… well, they're not quite sure, but it sure is colorful. Many-colored stripes adorn the strange brown and green pillars all around them, and the ground is lush with dark green grass, growing wildly.

Tail seems to notice their train of thought, and wanders over to one of the tall, colorful pillars topped with green. “Oh, these are trees, dummy. There’s some back in the big cave, remember? Right outside the little cave.”

Ah, true! There were several of these ‘trees’ all around Area Zero. But… “They weren’t this colorful, were they?”

“Nah, they weren’t. Someone must’ve painted all of this. Wonder who, though? Maybe someone nice?”

“Possibly. We must hope so.”

“Well, yeah, or else friendly friend-” He pokes the new friend with a foot- “is prolly gonna die, and that would be bad.”

“It would indeed. Perhaps you can try and call someone?”

Back in Area Zero, the pair had a simple strategy whenever they were in trouble: get Tail to scream as loudly as he possibly could, and hope Mi and Ko would come to rescue them. Surely it would work here, right?

“Ooooh, you’re clever. Yeah! Alrighty, turn off your sound!” Bundle did just that, mentally deactivating the function that let them hear the world around them, as Tail suddenly grew to ten times his usual size.

- - -

Two hours of non-stop walking isn’t that bad on advantageous terrain. A flat plain, a good beach, a well-paved city, all of those can easily give you two hours of calm, peaceful, non-energy-consuming walking.

Tagtree Thicket, or Lagtree Thicket as the folks in the Navi Base like to call it, is possibly the furthest from advantageous as one can get.

Not only is the ground just plain bad, but something about the Grafaiai’s markings mess with how the world works. Time stutters, things that shouldn’t move change positions, temperature gets out of wack… No sane person would ever want to do anything in Lagtree Thicket.

So, obviously, Team Star set up a base there.

Which Charlie is frankly not very happy about, but both she and Twig really did not have much of a choice in which base they wanted to join. Charlie has a Paldean Wooper, and Amy has a Venonat. Neither a Ground-type nor a Bug-type base exist anywhere in Paldea, so they joined Navi.

Team Star was great all around, except for one simple thing.

Guard duty.

Guard duty means wandering around Tagtree Thicket in case anyone’s stupid enough to mess with any of the Pokemon. The Grafaiai conspiracies (yes that’s what a group of Grafaiai are called), the Mimikyu, the Venomoth and Spidops nest, the Zorua pack and the Applin orchards all have their fair shares of dangers to them, and it’s the guards’ job to go and rescue anyone who happen to stumble onto said dangers.

Oh, and, of course, stopping intruders is also a thing they have to do, but extremely rarely. Thankfully.

Behind Charlie, Twig yawns wide, Arson the Venonat chittering quietly behind them. “Damn, today’s quiet as hell, huh? Usually we’d have some idiot running in about the green Applin and getting Mimi’d.”

“Yeahp. Think we should go check on Mimi, actually? It’s been weird recently.”

“Smart, yeah, we should.”

Aggravated Assault, or Assault for short, the Wooper grumbles on Charlie’s shoulder. He doesn’t like going to see the Mimikyu, but it’s a necessary evil. Also, sometimes, it gives them little treats it finds.

“Right. Arson, show us the-”

A scream loud enough to wake Giratina explodes throughout Tagtree Thicket. It’s loud enough for leaves to fall, for Squawkabillies to fly away, for an Applin to jump up in surprise and roll away in panic.

It’s also loud enough to completely deafen Charlie for a good two minutes, and- oh, her ears are bleeding. That’s not good.

“What the- what in the everloving fuck was that?”

Chapter Text

“Dude, I don’t think we should be here.”

“I- well- someone might be- hurt? Or worse. That was really loud.”

“Maybe an Exploud wandered here? Are there even Exploud in Paldea?”

“Nah, but maybe someone imported one and it ran away?”

Twig almost trips, and is saved by Arson catching them right as they’re about to fall using their incredibly mild psychic powers. “Okay. We just- uh- find whatever caused the noise, tell Atticus, and run off before it spots us?”

“Yeah, unless it’s weak. Maybe it’s just… a really big Misdreavus?”

“Maybe.”

The pair keep walking in silence, only broken by the occasional chitter from Arson and burbles from Assault. Strangely, they meet no other Pokemon on the way there. Not even the occasional Applin. They must’ve all ran away.

Which is extremely worrying.

Eventually, after a good ten minutes of walking, they reach… 

“Is that a Jigglypuff?”

“No, my mom has one, that’s not a Jigglypuff. That’s way too big. And look at its tail, too. Wow.”

“Is that- did that make the sound?”

“...Maybe. I know Jigglypuff can get pretty loud, but…”

“But that isn’t a Jigglypuff, so you have no idea,” Charlie finishes for them.

“Yeah- ohshititsawushidehidehidehidehide!” They grabbed Charlie’s helmet, pushing her down into the tall, now leafless bushes around the clearing where the not-Jigglypuff was.

It took them a good ten seconds to realize that they were completely visible, especially with their bright outfits.

“Okay, it can see us, just stand back up and raise your hands. Be nonthreatening.” Twig slowly stood back up, followed by Charlie, both raising their hands placatingly. Arson and Assault both tried to stay hidden, which wasn’t very effective considering Arson was bright purple.

The not-Jigglypuff instantly started to swell up again, until-

“Is that a Delibird?”

“No, my mom has one, that’s not a Delibird. That’s way too small. And look at its bundle, too. Wow.”

“Wow, deja vu.”

The not-Delibird quickly waddled up to the not-Jigglypuff, letting out a few high-pitched beeps and patting it on the back. The latter deflated, now seemingly content.

The not-Delibird’s head rotated a full hundred and eighty degrees to stare at Twig and Charlie. They blinked, and in barely a second, it was already at their feet. Both let out a yelp and stumbled backwards. Arson stepped up, puffing up her fur and standing between the not-Delibird and Twig. Assault did as well.

“Bee-boop-beep-beeb-eee-ooeep”

“Nat! Ven, ven nat! Nono!”

“Woop?”

“Nat nat.”

“Woop!”

“Beep-beep-boop-oooooooo-beep”

“Nat.” And, with that enlightening conversation, Arson turned around and bonked Twig in the leg, pointing a hand to where the not-Jigglypuff was.

Assault hopped in place a few times.

“You, uh, want us to come? You’re nice?”

The not-Delibird nodded enthusiastically, beeping again. A few lights across its (is that metal) body lit up.

“O- Okay. We’ll- uh- yeah? Don’t hurt us. Please? That would be nice?” Charlie slowly stood up from where she’d apparently fallen, which Twig hadn’t even noticed.

It nodded again, and led them to the small clearing where the not-Jigglypuff was, now looking somewhat bored.

At its feet, where they somehow hadn’t noticed, was a mangled robot corpse.

“Oh.” “Oh.”

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I shudder awake, and realize that I’m currently getting carried by something.

Or two somethings, in this case. One at my head, and one at my feet. I thrash, forcing the two things carrying me to drop me with yelps.

I scream.

And scream.

And keep screaming.

I don’t know for how long I scream, since I don’t have lungs to empty, but I scream.

Eventually, I manage to stop myself, and curl up into a ball on the soft earth underneath me.

“Hey? You okay?”

I hear the sound of flesh lightly hitting flesh. “Don’t- shh!”

“Oh, sorry.”

Complete and utter silence.

Eventually, a strangely deep voice breaks it. “So, uh, the hell are you two?”

A high-pitched robotic voice rings out. “I am model 0-seve-”

This time, it’s an airy, feminine voice that speaks next. “Oh, shush. Their name’s Iron Bundle. I’m Scream Tail. Nice to meet you all, friendly friends!”

Silence.

A high-pitched voice almost like the buzzing of wings is next. “Friendly friends?”

“Friendly friends!”

“Friendly friends.”

“Friendly friends!”

I slowly get my head out from behind my knees, and see the Scream Tail from earlier, passionately repeating the same phrase to a bewildered-looking Venonat.

Uuuuuuuuuuuuuugh- hold on, are they talking?

“Friendly friends.”

“Friendly friends!”

Holy shit, they are.

Wh- but- huh??? What???

They must’ve noticed me staring at them, because now the entire group is staring at me in silence.

“You done?” One of the two humans crouches over me. They’re pretty tall, long-ish brown hair hanging down around their head.

“Don’t-” The other one takes a step backwards. They’re much shorter, with darker skin and longer hair. 

Why am I noticing their hair?

That seems like a stupid thing to focus on. Especially next to their absolutely bonkers outfit. Who wears a motorcycle helmet with giant star-shaped glasses-

Oh, Team Star does, that’s who.

I crawl a bit backwards, which amounts to basically nothing.

“Okay. Come on. If it wanted to hurt us, it would’ve. Or the other two guys would’ve. We’re probably good.”

“But-”

“Okay, look. Hey. Robot- uh- guy. D’you want to kill us?”

I shake my head. That’s- a horrifying thought. Do I look scary? Am I scary? 

“See? Look. Harmless. You okay? You were screaming a lot.”

I shake my head after a few seconds of hesitation. They seem nice enough.

“Okay. There’s a safe place not too far from here. Can you walk?”

I shakily push myself up onto all fours (threes?) with my arm and eventually manage to stand, though my legs can barely hold me. I nod.

“Okay. Yeah. Follow us. You need help?”

I nod again.

“‘Kay. Charlie, Arson, help me out here. Assault, the other two, keep guard. We don’t want-”

Piikaaaaah! The sound echoes through the forest. Everyone freezes, except for me, Scream Tail and Iron Bundle, which I hadn’t even noticed.

“Oh- oh fuck- oh no- we- we forgot to- we didn’t warn it we were here!”

The taller one turns to me, grabbing me by the wrist. “Okay. Listen. We gotta run. We can’t- if we stay here, we’re fucked. Alright? Got it?”

I nod as fast as I can.

“Great. Alright. We get the fuck out, fast. Follow along. Don’t lose your little guys.”

Iron Bundle chirps at my feet. “We must be the little guys.”

“Yay, little guy status! That’s better than mountain prisoner, right?”

“I’m not entirely sure.”

I’m pulled off my feet as the tall one suddenly books it, running much faster than their wiry frame would suggest. They’re running fast enough for the shorter one to have trouble keeping up, a Paldean Wooper clutched in their arms. The Venonat is hopping along, keeping up relatively pleasantly with our speed, alongside Iron Bundle and Scream Tail.

Wait, isn’t Iron Bundle one of the fastest Pokemon? How?

Because of their cannon propelling them-

Oh, I have an Idea. 

Not a good one, but an Idea nonetheless. I free my arm from the tall one’s grip, and she looks back at me, confused, for a second before I bend over and pick up Iron Bundle off the ground. He lets out a squawk, and I lose a bit of speed.

I stop, turn around, and aim Iron Bundle’s titular bundle in front of me. “Okay, shootshootshootshootshootnow! Please!”

It nods, and a soft, light blue glow envelops its tail.

I turn back to the other four, now a bit in front of me, apparently having decided I’m a lost cause. Scream Tail has decided to stick with me, which is nice.

“Firing in three, two, one-” Iron Bundle doesn’t even have time to finish saying ‘one’ before-

BANG

I go flying, a terrified Scream Tail grappling my foot for dear life. The three of us sail past the other four, looking at me as if I just started flying, because I did. Our beautiful flight leaves behind a massive explosion of ice and a trail of snow, covering the vegetation in frost.

We sail over the ground for a good hundred meters before bouncing off the ground a few times and slamming into a massive tree. A few apples fall to the ground as the tree shakes.

Holy shit, at least that didn’t hurt. My vision blurs, and a few cracks run across it. I try to stand up, and my limbs twitch as I slowly pull myself to my feet.

“That was exceedingly dangerous. I recommend not trying that again.” I drop Iron Bundle to the ground, and it shakes its tail, dropping a bit more snow.

Scream Tail doesn’t answer, just inhaling and exhaling heavily, not letting go of my leg. I would shake it off, but that seems particularly insensitive.

Why the hell did I do that?! That was incredibly stupid! I- Am I going insane? Why was my first resort to grab a robot penguin and launch myself?!

The taller human catches up to me first, looking mildly winded. The Venonat gets here next, followed by the shorter human, panting heavily.

After a minute of catching her breath, the shorter one speaks up. “Okay. Okay. We’re good. THis is the- this is the Applin tree. We’re out. We’re safe. Holy shit, we almost died.”

“Mhm.” The taller one nods, patting the shorter one on the back. The Paldean Wooper nods along.

I collapse back on the ground. The adrenaline is setting off, and I feel like I’m dying now. Well, probably because I might actually be dying, but let’s not think about that right now.

Scream Tail eventually detaches from my leg, breathing a bit more quietly now. It sits down next to me. The two humans quickly follow suit. The taller one takes out a water bottle from the backpack I didn’t even notice they had, and drinks half of it before handing the rest to the shorter one, which they gratefully take.

“Well then.”

None of us answer.

I lean back a bit against the tree.

The shorter human finishes gulping down their water, and pockets the bottle. “Hey, did you guys- did you guys know this side of the tree’s actually still part of Mimi’s domain? She recently traded a bit with the Appletun Alpha to get some, she likes the sour apples that grow around these parts.”

The taller one’s eyes suddenly go wide open, and she shoots back up. “WAIT, FUCK, WE GOTTA-”

Nothing.

They’re gone, and so is everyone else.

I’m completely alone.

Oh, okay, I’m dying here.

Welp.

Pikah!

Pikaaaah!

Bigachu!

I hear something skittering in the undergrowth around me. I curl up into a ball, hoping that I just go unnoticed.

Bigah!

I close my eyes.

I see anyway.

A Pikachu bounces up to me, yellow fur shimmering in the sunlight, bolt-shaped tail swinging from side to side.

Pikah- chu!

I try to crawl back. The tree behind me blocks my movement.

Hee, hee, hee!

You’re rather lost, aren’t you?

I almost answer, before-

FEY RULES. I can’t tell it anything. Don’t answer, don’t eat, don’t thank it, don’t do anything. That’s not a Pikachu, that’s a Mimikyu, they spawn around Tagtree Thicket, which is clearly where I am, guessing from the colored trees and the fact that I’m definitely in Paldea.

You seem rather lost in thought.

Is there anything I can do to help?

The Pikachu takes another step towards me, its form flickering in the light. For a split second, I see the Mimikyu underneath, much bigger than what its Electric-type disguise implies. I was right.

Oh, dear.

It smiles, a smile that goes far wider than a Pikachu’s mouth can and should, a smile full of too many sharp teeth that glisten in the light.

You know what’s going on here, don’t you?

Rare for a newcomer to MY Domain.

It takes another step.

I dislike unannounced visitors, you know?

Some I can tolerate, especially those I’ve met before. I know they mean no harm.

But you?

Its smile somehow grows even wider.

You… You could mean harm to this peaceful domain.

So…

How would you feel about- GAH!

A small, green object falls from above me and onto the head of the Pikachu, bouncing off far above where the illusion’s ‘head’ is. It flickers and disappears, the Mimikyu’s head slumping to the side as its Disguise ability triggers.

It’s… massive. Almost a meter and a half tall.

Oh, wow, I am SO fucked.

The small green object rolls back towards me, finally stopping before bouncing up with a shrill shriek.

“Don’t hurt them! No no no! They did nothing bad!”

The Mimikyu’s false head picks itself up, looks at the small green object, and drops again.

You- Dots, what did I tell you about interfering?

“You told me you only hurt bad people who bother you! And that’s why you don’t hurt Twig and Charlie!”

Dots… You… This person is intruding on my domain. And they blasted half of it with snow and ice.

“Yeah, but the ice is pretty!”

…You. Cannot be serious.

“Why?”

Listen, Dots. You are a very nice child. 

“Oh, thank you! Why?”

Because I sincerely apologize for what will happen in the next few seconds.

The Mimikyu shoots out a dark purple arm, picking up the green object- Oh, that’s a shiny Applin, huh- and slams it into the ground, burying it.

There we go. No more distractions.

I’ll get him out later. Right now, you require dealing with much more urgently. 

As I was saying before being rudely interrupted, how would you feel about…

Its false head whips back up, and splits in half, making a cotton-filled mouth.

…Losing a body part or two? I haven’t tasted living metal like yours in a long, long time.

Oh.

Well.

It crawls towards me, slowly.

Goodbye, world. I didn’t enjoy a single second of you.

And, hey, maybe if I die, I’ll be double-isekai’d to my actual world! That would be nice.

I try to close my eyes again and realize they’re already closed, I’m just somehow still seeing. Fairy fuckery at work again, I’m guessing.

Almost by instinct, I cover my face with a forearm, underside of it pointed towards my impending death.

BWOOEEOOOEEEOOOEEEEOOOOOOEEEEEEEOOOOOOOO

The sound hangs in the air, thick enough to chew through.

I wait for my death.

It never comes.

I wait a bit more, just in case.

It still doesn’t come.

I move my arm out of the way to see my impending death.

My impending death seems to be heavily distracted by my forearm. So distracted, in fact, that its false head flops back down, the torn mouth closes as if by magic, and it leaves a tiny puddle of drool from beneath its disguise, pooling on the earth.

I wave my one arm around a little. Its real eyes follow, enraptured.

I look at said arm.

A long screen-like pane goes down all the way from my elbow to where my fingers begin, rapidly changing colors. Tiny white dots are peppered over the entire surface, moving with each color change.

It’s…

Really…

The colors suddenly stop shifting, and I can think again. What the hell just happened?

The Mimikyu shakes its real head, glazed-over eyes suddenly refocusing. Its fake mouth tears open again, and it lets out a series of frankly unnerving squeaks-

I’m suddenly pulled backwards, around the tree. My vision shimmers purple for an instant as I’m pulled, and suddenly, there’s no Mimikyu, and a very confused green Applin looking around.

My back hits the ground, and I suddenly can’t see anymore. Ope, I’ve gone blind.

Wait, no, my eyes are closed. I open them.

Six extremely familiar faces greet me behind the multitudes of cracks in my vision.

The first one to talk is the shorter human. “Oh, Serpent, you’re alive. Okay. Bit too close. Arson, can you get- can you get the green real quick?”

The Venonat apparently named Arson’s eyes glow a soft pink, and suddenly, the Applin is slowly levitating towards us.

“Okay. Okay. That was- way, way too close.”

A few grunts of affirmation run across the crowd.

“We got your little guys back. Mimi tried to separate us. Good job surviving, by the way. Most people don’t get out without more help.” The taller human gives me a thumbs-up and a bright smile, which is frankly unnecessary.

Silence.

None of us really want to acknowledge that we almost just died.

The Paldean Wooper is the next to speak. “We should get going. Appletun’s not going to enjoy us sticking ‘round for so long.”

“Mhm. Yeah. Appletun.” I push myself back up, my legs shaking. Why are my legs shaking? I’m a robot. My movements should be precise, or something.

The taller human’s eyebrows shoot up. “You know about the Appletun?”

“Your-” Oh, right, most people can’t talk to their brown poison axolotls. I just nod.

“Okay. Huh. That’s rare. Got a name?”

I freeze.

Oh, shit, are they a fairy too? Are they trying to steal my name? Are they going to kill me if I answer? Am I going to be stuck in fairy-servitude for the rest of my life? Will I die here, alone under the-

“Hey, chill out. Genuine question. Not a Fairy-type. I’m human.”

Somehow, that’s worse. Should I tell them? 

God, no, obviously not. That’s a precious resource. If they want my name, they’ll have to pry it from my cold, dead mouth.

Ignoring the fact that I don’t have a mouth anymore.

Oh, shit, how am I going to eat?

“No?”

Okay. Come up with something. Don’t say something stupid. “I- uh- forgot?” God fucking dammit.

“You forgot.”

“Mhm.”

- - -

Twig taps on the school bell they’d taped to the entrance of the Navi base, alerting all inside that someone was at the entrance.

Frankly, Charlie does not feel okay about any part of this situation. If she knew Team Star had entailed this much life-threatening work, she wouldn’t have joined.

Well, no, she would still have. But she’d have chosen a different base, at least. Maybe she could have caught, like, an Impidimp or something, and gone to the Ruchbah base.

But, welp.

Here she is. 

Helping a mangled nameless robot and its fucked up Jigglypuff and Delibird, while also managing the green Applin they’d been looking for for the past two weeks.

The bell rings, the high-pitched noise hurting her head somewhat. After a few seconds, the gates to the base creak open, pulled open by Don Atticus’ smaller, non-Starmobile Revavroom, Chariot.

“Hey, Chariot! We got a rescue.” Twig walks through the large gates first, waving to the Steel-type. The rest of the group follows, some warier than others.

“Rrrvvvvvrrrrrrr!”

Said rescue waves hesitantly at the motor, backing away ever-so-slightly. They look… uneasy.

Which, to be fair, is a pretty average reaction when faced with a Revavroom. Hoenn certainly doesn’t have them, and is probably better for it. 

She still scratches them on the head, because they’re a very good motor who is doing their job very well.

“Alright. I’ll go grab Don Atticus, give him the Applin. Twig, can you bring- uh, the rescue down to Big B? She’ll probably know what to do.”

Twig nods, saluting, before tapping twice on the rescue’s head and gesturing for them, along with their two partners, to follow. Arson follows after them, chittering quietly as the green Applin is dropped from her psychic grasp. 

She picks it up and inspects it. The fruit is slightly scuffed, but that’ll heal in a bit if the Applin gets something to eat. At least, she thinks. Green Applin are largely unstudied, nobody actually knows if they work differently or anything.

Maybe it’s diseased or something, and that’s why its apple is green.

Probably not, or else the Appletun would have been quite a bit more alarmed when he told them that it had gone missing.

…Right? 

She looked down at the little wyrm, now snoozing soundly in her hands.

Welp.