Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Sal POV

I wake up to a blaring alarm in my ears. "Fuck. I'm awake." I groan. I rub my eyes and stretch before slamming the off button on my alarm. The clock reads 7:00. I need to meet with Larry and Todd at 7:30 to walk to school. I sigh and crawl out of bed.

I sluggishly walk toward the bathroom. I run my fingers through my hair as I stare at my face. I grab my toothbrush and brush my teeth. Then I brush my hair and tie it lazily into pigtails. I yawn, heading back to my room to get dressed and put on my mask.

Dad's probably up already doing work as he usually is. Or maybe he went into the office today. I walk to the kitchen and open the fridge. Inside there's a brown paper bag with a note addressed to me.

Hey Sal.
I'm sorry I'm not here on your first day of school. I had to go to work early. I made you your lunch! Maybe we can do something tonight with Lisa and Larry. Have a good first day of sophomore year!
Love, Dad.

I smile and grab my lunch, shoving it into my backpack. I finish packing my bag and check the clock again. 7:24. "I better start heading downstairs" I think to myself. Tossing my bag over my shoulder, I leave my apartment and lock the door behind me.

I slide my keycard into the slot for the basement. I watch the numbers go down. 4, 3, 2, 1, B. The door opens and I head to Larry's apartment. When I walk in I see Lisa in the kitchen making Larry breakfast, and Todd standing outside of his room.

"Good morning Sal." Todd waves to me. "Oh hiya Sal! Ready for your first day?” Lisa asks cheerfully. "I hope so." I nod. "I'm sure it'll be a good year for all of you boys." She smiles warmly. "Thanks Lisa." I return the smile.

"Are you almost ready Larry?" Todd calls to him through the door. "No-er...kinda!" Larry exclaims through his door. "Well you better hurry up!" I yell. "Oh hey Sal." He says.

I roll my eyes. Larry's always running late so I'm not surprised. "Larry honey I have your lunch for you!" Lisa shouts to Larry. "What?" He shouts back cluelessly. "She said she has your lunch for you." I repeat what Lisa said. "Oh. Thanks mom!"  Larry yells.

About 5 minutes later Larry emerges from his room, panting. "You good man?" I laugh. "Yeah, yeah." He nods. "Let's get going then." Todd states. Larry grabs his lunch on the way out and we leave the apartments.

There's a slight breeze though it's mostly warm outside. I take a deep breath. It's not pitch black outside although it's still kinda of dark. There's a haze in the air but it's clear enough to see far in front of you.

"Do we have any classes together?" Larry asks me and Todd. "I have art first, AP algebra second, history third and physics fourth." I say. "We have physics together." Todd says. "We got art together. Ashley too." Larry says. "Oh shit that's awesome." I smile.

"Man I don't want to be back at school. I wish we could be off forever man." Larry groans. "Yeah me too. Thankfully we only have 2 years left." I agree. "So Todd, how's Neil doing?" I ask. "He's good. It's weird that he's not going to our school anymore but it's not so bad." Todd shrugs. "Yeah." I nod.

The walk takes about 15-20 minutes, and soon we get to the school. "Ugh I just hate it here." Larry scowls. "Shit's so gloomy too." The school stands tall in front of us and Larry was right, it is gloomy. We walk through the front door, tons of teens flooding the hallways.

"We should try to find Ash after we get to our lockers." I suggest. "Y'know she's always late man. We should just go to class and wait for her." Larry explains. "Yeah you're right." I agree. We all head to our lockers together to put our stuff away.

"You think we should go to class?" Larry asks me. "Sure." I shrug. "I'll see you guys later." Todd says as he walks away. "See ya!" I call to him. "What's the classroom number?" Larry asks. "I think it's 139." I say, glancing at my schedule. "Yeah 139."

We get to class and sit in a row with 3 desks, saving one for Ashley when she gets here. The room is pretty empty although it's still early and people are probably trying to find their classes. I sigh and lean forward, resting my head on the desk.

The teacher struts into the room. Her face is lit up and she seems excited. "Good morning Ms. Morgan." Larry smiles as she walks in. "Good morning Larry! How was your summer?" She returns the smile. "It was pretty good." He answered.

Larry and Ash had her as a teacher last year. I didn't take art because I thought I was terrible at it, but Larry and Ash convinced me to take it with them.
"I'm excited to have you and Ash back in my class again." Ms. Morgan says cheerfully. "And is this one of your friends?" She gestures to me. "Yeah this is Sal. Me and Ash convinced him to take art this year." Larry explains. "Oh that's amazing! Nice to meet you Sal."

She extends her had to me. "Nice to meet you too." I say as I shake her hand. She walks back up to the front of the class, adjusting a stack of papers. While we were talking, many more students had walked in the room. "Still no Ash." I observe. "Relax man she's just late." Larry reassures me. "This class is gonna be great." I change the subject. "I know." Larry agrees.

Out of the corner of my eye I see Ash walk in the room. She glances around the room before her eyes land on me and Larry. She smiles and she walks towards us. "Hey guys!" She says brightly as she sits in the desk beside me. "Hey Ash!" I exclaim. "I'm excited you're taking art with us Sal!" She says. "Me too." I nod. "We got lucky because we could've been in all different classes." "Yeah for sure." Ash agrees. Then the bell rings, and class starts.

Chapter Text

Sal POV

After my first class I have to head to AP algebra. Nobody that I know of is in that class but I'm sure it'll be fine. The teacher of that class is Mrs. Packerton. Todd told me that apparently Neil had her when he was in grade 11 and hated her, so that good for me I guess.

I walk into the classroom. I immediately get an uneasy feeling. The vibe is completely different in here compared to the art room. I sigh and find a desk to sit at. People slowly pile into the room. The only people I recognize are people that were in other classes from last year.

I lean forward and rest my head on my desk. I glance at the door every time someone walks in, hoping to see someone I know. I know I won't. Todd, Ash and Larry are my only friends that are in my grade and mostly everyone else thinks we're weird.

Then I see Travis walk in. "Great." I think to myself. His eyes scan the room. He notices me and we lock eyes. He scowls at me and looks away. Travis has bullied me for the past two years. He's bullied all of my friends. Larry gets pretty defensive of us.

I'm really unsure why he's so angry at us all the time. Larry thinks he's just a pretentious asshole. He's probably right. Though I think he has some pent up rage from something. I couldn't care less about him. I wouldn't let a bully like him bother me anyway.

The teacher walks in. I've seen her around the halls before, but for some reason it feels like I know her from somewhere else? "Hey wait! She lives in the apartments." I realize. I've never seen her leave her room much at all, though I guess it's not my business.

The bell rings. "Good morning class. Welcome to AP Mathematics. I'm Mrs. Packerton." She says with a smile plastered across her face. "Here is a course outline and how you are to act in this class." She instructs as she flips through a stack of papers.

The sheet is the same as most class outlines you get on the first day. "We are going to read through it together and then I want you to read it with your parents tonight and get it signed." She explains. I can already tell that I'm not going to like this class.

. . .

The bell rings and everyone stands up. As I'm about to leave I hear that dreaded voice. "If it isn't Sally Face." Travis teases. I exhale loudly. "What do you want?" I ask without turning my head. "Of course you have to be in my class. Where are your f_ggot friends huh? Larry isn't here to kiss your ass like usual?" He taunts in my ear.

I shut my eyes and inhale sharply. "Just fuck off Travis. At least I have friends." I retort as I storm off. "Kill yourself Sally Face!" He shouts at me as I walk away. I make it to my locker and take a deep breath. Larry is at his locker beside me. He looks at me up and down. "You good?" He cocks his head.

"Yeah just Travis pissing me off." I shake my head. "Goddamn it not that dickhead again." Larry rolls his eyes. "Is he in your class?" He asks. "Yeah. And I just have to be in Packerton's with him too." I scowl. "Who are we talking about?" I hear a familiar voice. I turn around and Ash and Todd are behind us.

"Oh hey guys. Just Travis being an asshole again." I explain. "Not him again. What's even his deal?" She sighs. "I don't know. I think he's like super homophobic or some shit." I shrug. "Dude, his dad's a preacher. Of course he hates gay people." Larry points out.

"It's likely that's the case." Todd agrees. "Forget about him Sal. Let's go to the cafeteria." Ashley reassures me, placing a hand on my shoulder. "And I can beat his ass if needed." Larry cracks his knuckles. "That's fine man. I don't need more shit with him." I laugh.

We head to the cafeteria and sit at our table. Chug and Maple are already sitting there. Me and Larry have packed lunches, but Ash and Todd go to get some from the lunch lady. "Hey guys." I say as me and Larry sit down. "Oh hey guys." Chug says whilst chewing food.

"How is grade 10 going?" Larry asks him. "It's pretty good so far." Chug nods. "Though happy that it's lunch." "What about you guys? Enjoying grade 11?" Maple asks. "It's alright. We have art together with Ash." I explain. "Well that's good." She says.

Ashley and Todd come back with their food and sit with us. The table is pretty silent as we eat together. None of us are happy to be back at school. "We're halfway through the day thankfully." Ash tries to lighten the mood. "Yeah that's something." I laugh.

"Do you guys wanna hang out after school? We can go to mine." Larry asks. Me, Todd, and Ash agree. "Alright then." He nods. "You can just walk home with us Ash." I suggest. "Sure. Sounds good." She smiles.

. . .

The rest of the day goes by quicker than the morning, although it was still slow. However before we leave, we see Travis in the hallway. "Oh for fucks sake." I mutter under my breath. He glares at us, at me.

"Just fuck off Travis!" Larry yells at him. "I didn't fucking say anything!" He snaps back. "You looked like you wanted to." Larry argues. "The fuck does that mean?! I was just standing here!" Travis grinds his teeth. "Larry just don't engage." Ash tries to grab his hand. "Stay out of this bitch!" Travis sneers.

"Hey! Don't call her a bitch!" Larry barks. "You gonna fight me f_g?" Travis challenges. "Alright let's just relax." I try to calm Larry down. Travis breathes out. "Let's go, he's not worth it." Ash grabs Larry's arm. Travis scowls at us. Him and Larry flip each other off.

We walk out of the school. Larry takes a deep breath of fresh air. "It's ok man. Don't let him bother you." I say. "He can't call Ash a bitch and you a slur. It's not right." Larry fumes. "I know you're defending them but you don't need to put yourself in danger." Todd explains. "I would've beat him." Larry mutters. "Let's just get home man." I sigh.

Chapter Text

Sal POV

We get back to the apartments and head to Larry's. We're all exhausted from the day and ready to just relax. Larry unlocks the door and we head inside. "Hey where's your mom?" Ash asks as she glances around the room. "She's out today or something. I don't really know." Larry shrugs, and we head to his bedroom.

I sigh with relief as I sit on his couch. Ash sits beside me while Larry and Todd use the bean bags. "Man that really took me out." I huff. "Yeah no kidding. We have to go back tomorrow too." Ashley complains.

"And now we gotta deal with that stupid prick Travis again. Is he in any of your classes?" Larry grumbles. "Yeah he's in my second period." I nod. "He's in my last period unfortunately." Ashley shrugs.

"I have no classes with him." Todd shakes his head. "Same. Thankfully." Larry remarks. "You were really gonna fight him weren't you?" Ash asks as she crosses her arms. "He needs to mind his goddamn business." Larry tenses up. "Don't fight with that asshole. He's better left alone anyway." I say.

"It's just gonna make things worse with him and us." Todd adds. "Yeah you're right. But man it'd be so satisfying to beat his ass." Larry grinds his teeth. "Oh for sure. Hey you got any snacks or anything?" I change the subject. "Sure man, I'll go get some chips or something." Larry stands up and leaves the room.

"Why did summer have to go so fast?" Ash complains. "We just have to make it through 2 more years of high school." I assure her. "I guess you're right." She sighs. "It's not so bad. It's nice to get up and do something for once." Todd says. Ash nods.

Larry comes back in the room with a bowl of chips. "Thanks Larry." I smile as I grab a handful of chips. "Wanna listen to some music guys?" He asks, walking over to his player. "Sure." Ash nods. He grabs a disc, puts it on the player and switches it on.

"We should go to the mall soon." Ash suggests. "That sounds fun." I agree. "Yeah maybe this weekend or something?" Todd suggests. "I should be free." Larry says. "Cool. So maybe this weekend." Ash says.

"Anyone wanna play?" Larry waves a controller at us. "Give me that." I snatch it from him. "You're on Sal." He laughs as he starts up his tv. Larry loads up the game. "Ok are you ready?" He asks me. "Hell yeah." I nod "Alright man." Larry says.

After a couple minutes of swearing and yelling at each other, and Ash and Todd cheering us on, Larry beats me. "Hah! Told you!" He exclaims. "Alright alright." I roll my eyes. "Rematch?" I ask. "Hey I wanna play!" Ash complains. "Ok whatever you can have it." I comply while sighing playfully.

I hand Ash the controller. Larry offers Todd his controller but he declines. "That's ok. Thanks though." "Whatever you say man. You ready to lose Ash?" Larry laughs. "I'm gonna beat you asshole!" She narrows her eyes at him. Larry starts up the second game.

The two yell at each other and fight as they play. I laugh as Ash struggles with the controller. Larry beats her and she crosses her arms. "This game is rigged!" She shouts playfully. "Haha beat you!" Larry teases.

I look over and see Todd looking through his bag and getting out homework pages. "Oh fuck I forgot I have homework." I groan. "On the first day? That's rough." Ash's eyes widen. "Yeah I have math." I sigh. "Better start that now. We don't have physics homework do we Todd?" I ask.

"No we just need the course outline signed. But I have homework from other classes." He explains. "Alright. I better work on my math." I say. "I think I have homework too? I don't really remember." Larry attempts to recall. "Why don't we hang out in the tree house and do our work?" I suggest.

Everyone agrees so we head out back and to the treehouse. Climbing up the stairs one by one, we all settle in. I lay in the corner and pull out my math homework. It's mostly review so it's not too bad. "I'm thankful that I have math next semester. I don't know how you like it Sal." Ash shakes her head.

"It's cool. It's not my favourite or anything. And it certainly won't be this year." I shrug. "Oh right Travis is in your math class." Larry nods. "Don't you have Mrs. Packerton as well? She can be strict." Todd asks. "Yeah I have Packerton. She seems fine." I say.

"My semester is pretty good. But next semester I have English and math!" Ashley exclaims. "I can always help tutor you Ash." Todd smiles. "Yeah as usual." She laughs. The four of us sit silently in the treehouse for a bit while we finish our homework and Ash doodles on a sheet of lined paper.

I glance over at her drawings. Mostly random little drawings of whatever. I like doodling in class but I'm not any good. I got into the habit from Larry and Ash. I've had teachers get mad at me and tell me to stop drawing on the sides of my assignments.

Art with Larry and Ash should be a great time. The teacher is really nice according to them too. And I'm taking physics with Todd, so there's that too. I focus on my math homework. There's not much work to be done, so I get it done quickly. Todd is already finished his but Larry is still working on it.

I take a handful of chips from the bowl that we brought out here. "It's so relaxing out here." Ash takes a breath of fresh air. "I love it out here." Larry grins. "What're you drawing?" I lean in towards Ash, glancing at her paper. "Oh you know, just whatever really." She giggles, showing me her paper.

There's all sorts of random little doodles and drawings. She's really talented. "This is so cute!" I exclaim. "Aw thanks Sal!" She smiles. The four of us chill out in the treehouse for a little bit longer before it gets late and we have to head home.

Chapter Text

Travis POV

I sit at the dinner table with my father. The room is quiet except for the clinking of silverware against the plate. I try to avoid my father's gaze. I eat my food, being careful to not attract attention.

"So Travis." My father begins. "Fuck." I think as I tense up. My eyes meet his. "How was school?" He asks, his voice low and husky. "It was good." I nod. I breathe out, relaxing slightly. "I'm going to mass tonight." He states coldly. "Okay." I say blankly.

There's an overwhelming silence for a moment. So loud yet no noise. I feel his eyes on me as I keep mine steady on my plate. My body becomes tense again. "Aren't you going to ask to come with me?" He questions me. "O-oh uhm...I'm sorry." I splutter.

"Don't you want to worship God always?" He asks, raising his voice. I flinch as he drops his fork on the table. "Look at me when I'm speaking to you." He orders. My eyes shoot up. "C-can I come with you?" I stammer. "No, no, it's fine Travis. It's quite alright. I see that you don't care that He gave his life for you." He stands up abruptly.

He slides his plate toward me. It clanks with mine, the sound echoing throughout the dining room. "Finish the dishes. I'm leaving." He grabs his keys and leaves quickly. He slams the door on his way out.

My chin quivers and tears flow from my eyes. My body relaxes and my head hangs low. Tears fall onto the tablecloth. I rub my eyes and finish my food quickly. After I finish I take the plates over to the sink to start the dishes. I sigh seeing the pile of dirty pots and various cooking equipment by the sink.

I cry as I wash them. I can't stop the tears from falling down. At least my dad isn't here to yell at me for crying. I have no idea how long he'll be, but he's gonna be upset if he sees dishes in the sink, so I know I have to finish them. The pile diminishes slowly but surely, and then finally being done.

.     .     .

After I'm finished I press my back against the counter and sink to the floor. I look across the room at the crucifix on the wall. "Maybe my dad is right. I need to be more grateful." I shake my head as I shame myself. I wipe my tears, get onto my knees and begin praying.

"I'm sorry God. I should've went with my father. I'm really appreciative of what you've done for me, I really mean it."

I begin, as tears flow down in bigger streams.

"Please forgive me. I'm a sinner. I'll do better."

I finish my prayer and curl up, placing my head in my knees. I cry so hard I can barely breathe. "I know what's coming, that when my dad gets home he'll..." My thoughts trail off. I stand shakily, I breathe through my mouth because I can't breathe through my nose. As I wipe my teary eyes, I head upstairs.

I get to my room as fast as I can. I rest my head on the headboard of my bed. I shut my eyes tightly and look up, attempting to avoid crying even more. I take deep breaths, and relax my body. I'm exhausted. At least I'm back at school, and I have a place to go during the day. An escape. It might not be the best but it's a place to get away from my father.

It would be even greater if that little fucker wasn't in my class. "I hate that blue-haired asshole and his gay friends." Just thinking about him makes my heart pump and my stomach hurt.  I don't know what it is about him, but he makes me so angry.

I don't need to think about Sally Face right now, or his bitch boy trying to start shit with me today. I scowl at the thought of Larry. I shouldn't concern myself with them. I have enough to worry about. "Fuck those guys anyway. Why do I even care?"

I hear the front door creak open. Suddenly I tense up again. I wipe my face quickly. I hear my father's thundering footsteps as he walks up the stairs. I know he's coming in my room. My heart pumps quickly. I hear him approaching my room and I brace for a scolding. Then he opens my door.

"H-hello dad." I stutter. "Hello Travis." He says, coming over to my bed and sitting next to me. There's another pause of silence. One that hurts because I know I'm meant to say something, but I'm really not sure what. "Do you have anything to say?" He asks me.

"I'm sorry dad." I blurt. "For what?" He pushes more from me. "I'm sorry that I didn't go with you to church." I mumble. "Did you learn anything?" He asks. His face is stone cold, not even looking in my direction. "I should be more grateful. F-for everything that God has done for me." I splutter.

I try to hide the fear in my voice and my face. He turns to look at me and I feel my heart race. "Good. I want to make sure you don't forget it." He states. The calmness in his voice is terrifying. He stands slowly and faces me. "Stand up Travis." He orders. I comply and stand to face him.

My whole body tenses up, and he slaps me across the face. I inhale sharply. It's hard, and it hurts like hell. "Did you learn your lesson?" He cocks his head. I nod. He then punches me right in the eye. I stumble backward, covering the right side of my face. "Answer me." He demands. "Yes sir." I tremble.

"Good. Get some sleep Travis." He says as he exits the room and switches the light off. My breath is shaky and my face is aching. I sigh as I sit back down on my bed. My eye is pounding and my face is all red.

It's probably gonna leave a mark. I decide to just go to sleep. I change into comfortable pants and take off my shirt. I crawl uncomfortably into bed, tears forming in my eyes again. "You have school tomorrow." I think to myself. "Just go to sleep."

Chapter Text

Sal POV

As I'm mid conversation with Larry and Ash during art class, the bell rings. "Oh great." I groan. "Well I'll see you guys at lunch, ok?" I say as I gather my things. "Good luck in math." Ash laughs. "See yah Sally." Larry waves as we all exit the classroom and go separate ways. "Time for Mrs. Packerton."

I walk into the classroom. There's not many students in here just yet. My art class is close to this class so it's a quick walk. However students start to flow in eventually. After a few minutes, the bell rings again.

"Alright class welcome back to your second day of grade 11!" The teacher begins. "I'm going to be coming around and checking to make sure you did your review sheet from yesterday. I'm just going to start with attendance." She glances around the room.

Suddenly, the door bursts open. Travis stands, panting with books in his hand. "I-I'm sorry ma'am, I was trying to get to class and..." He splutters stressfully. His eye is all red and purple, he must've gotten into a fight or something. "That's ok Travis. Just try to be on time in the future." She lets him off easy and he sighs with relief.

He notices me staring and scowls at me. He goes and sits in his seat, still panting quietly. "Well now it appears that everyone is here so I'm going to check your homework." She grabs her clipboard and walks around the room. I place my homework at the top of my desk for when she comes to check it.

I notice Travis scramble through his notes frantically. When she gets to him, he doesn't have his homework. "I lost it. I'm sorry." I hear him explain. "It's fine Travis. Can I speak to you during class today?" She asks.

She comes by my desk and glances at my paper. She quickly marks something in her clipboard. "Thank you." She says as she continues on. Travis glares back at me. I feel my heart race. He's probably upset about Larry trying to fight him yesterday.

I try my best to ignore him. I really don't know what he has against me, and I don't know who he got into a fight with but I know it's not my problem. I shake my head and focus at the chalkboard. "We're going to be doing mostly review this week." Mrs. Packerton starts. "Let's take up some of the homework questions from last night."

I get out my paper from yesterday. I smile seeing mine and Ash's doodles on the side of the paper from yesterday. I'm lucky to have such great friends. "I'm going to be handing out today's note and there's homework questions to do on the back." She explains.

I follow the lesson to the best of my ability, jotting down quick notes. The teacher continues on and on and eventually gives us about 10 minutes to start the homework worksheet that was given.

"Travis can you come here quickly please?" She calls to him. He stands up slowly and walks over to her desk, embarrassed. I watch her lips move as she whispers something to him.  I try to listen but I only get a few words in. "I...but...understand...class?"

I can't hear what they're saying, nobody can. I see him give short answers and nodding in response to her questions. "Alright go sit down Travis." She says to him quietly, but loud enough for me to hear.

He stumbles back to his seat and puts his head down. I almost feel bad for the kid. He's obviously troubled in some way. I guess I really don't though. Why should I feel bad for him when all he does is make fun of me and my friends?

I remember that I have a worksheet to finish, so I forget about Travis and start answering the questions I was given. They're relatively simple questions, more review. I don't mind it right now but I know it's gonna get to be a lot as the year starts getting going.

After a few minutes the bell rings, and everyone begins collecting their things and leaving. As I gather my stuff together I see a tall figure standing in front of me. I look up to see none other than Travis. "What?" I glare back at him.

"Do we have a problem Sally? Are you too wimpy to settle things between us?" He cocks his head. "What's this about?" I breathe out. "Did you tell Larry to come fight me or something?" He sneers. "No." I try not to engage with him. "God Sal you're so pathetic." He snarls. "The only thing that's pathetic is that nasty black eye. It seems like you're the one always picking fights." I snap back.

"Fuck you Sally Face! You know nothing about me!" He raises his voice and slams his hand on my desk. There's a silence that rings through the room. "Boys." Mrs. Packerton says behind him. Travis spins around quickly. "You should head to lunch now."
Travis glances back at me. "This isn't over f_ggot." He whispers to me as he turns and leaves. I sigh, and head to lunch.

Chapter Text

Sal POV

I stop at my locker before heading to lunch. I see Ash, Todd and Larry already there. "Oh hey Sal. Took you a while." Larry laughs. "Travis again." I say glumly. "Oh god what'd he do today?" Ash sighs. "Just being Travis I guess." I shrug. "I think he was mad that Larry tried to fight him yesterday. Though he must've gotten in another fight after school or something. He had a black eye."

"That's not surprising." Larry scoffs. "He freaked out when I brought it up, so he probably lost." I laugh. "Yeah I bet!" Ash agrees. "Whatever, he's a loser anyway who thinks he has authority." I shake my head. We walk to the cafeteria together after putting away our books. We get to our table and say hi to everyone. We have a pretty regular conversation about classes and such.

"So what did Travis say to you?" Larry asks me. "He was like 'you got a problem Sally Face?" I recount mockingly. "Hah. And then what?" Larry laughs. "He called me wimpy because I couldn't settle things between us or something. Saying I told you to fight him."

"And I was trying not to engage with that asshole but he kept pushing." I continue. "And he called me pathetic, so I told him the only thing that was pathetic was his black eye." "Oh I bet he got so mad." Ash's eyes widen. "Yeah he was mad. He slammed his hand on my desk and yelled at me." I explain.

"He's probably just jealous of you Sal." Todd suggests. "Me? Why would he be jealous of me?" I ask. "I dunno. He's such a loser." Larry shrugs. "How long is lunch again?" Chug asks. "I think 40 minutes." I reply. "Oh okay. Thanks Sally Face." He says with a mouth full of food. "No problem."

"I'm gonna go to the bathroom quick." I mention as I stand and walk out of the cafeteria. I walk through the mostly empty halls. Some people are wandering around or standing at their lockers. For the most part everyone is in the cafeteria eating lunch.

I walk into the bathroom and I see Travis standing at the mirror. He locks eyes with me as I walk in. "I swear to god..." I whisper under my breath. "Why are you fucking everywhere!?" He exclaims. "I just need to use the bathroom man." I sigh.

"Fine! Whatever! Just leave me alone." His voice cracks. I walk past him and into one of the stalls to use the washroom. After I'm finished I go to wash my hands. Travis is still there, looking at himself in the mirror. "Fixing your hair?" I ask sarcastically.

"Fuck off Sally Face." He scowls, not even bothering to look at me. He's examining his swollen eye. His eyes are slightly red, as if he was high or something. His blonde hair is mostly well kept. A cross necklace hangs from his neck. He pokes and prods at his appearance. He fixes his collar, runs his fingers through his hair, and picks at his skin.

He pauses for a moment. "Stop staring at me f_ggot." He sneers, glaring at me. I just finish washing my hands and I go to leave. "Hey Sally Face!" He calls to me. "What?" I ask, not bothering to turn around. "We never finished what we were talking about earlier." He recalls. "I don't wish to continue it." I state calmly. "Well I fucking do." He pulls me toward him by the neck of my shirt.

"You think you're so cool when you're really just a little bitch with a face so fucked that he has to wear a mask and yet...you have the nerve to comment on my face!?" He speaks condescendingly. "Just leave me alone Travis." I groan.

He scoffs, and pushes me away from him. "Whatever. Go fuck yourself Sally Face." He shoves me with his shoulder as he walks by me and out of the bathroom. I just forget about him and leave the bathroom to head back to the cafeteria.

I sit back down in between Larry and Ash. I quietly unclip the bottom strap of my mask so I can eat my food. I stare down at my lazily thrown together peanut butter and jam sandwich. I was in a rush this morning so I just made what I could. I raise my mask slightly as I eat.

After a few minutes I see Travis slip into the cafeteria and back to his table. His eyes dart around the room. Why is he all freaked out? I bet he was smoking in the bathroom and didn’t want anyone to know. That’s probably why his eyes were all red. I never guessed him to be a smoker, him being religious and all.

I just ignore him and go back to eating my food. The whole cafeteria is erupting with chatter from various tables. I suppose our school is quite big. I’ve seen quite a few freshman freaking out, trying to find their lockers and classrooms and such.

“Sal? Dude?” I break out of my trance when Larry says my name. “Huh?” I ask confused. “I was trying to say, mom said that we’re gonna go out for dinner with you and Henry.” Larry explains. “Oh. That’s good. Sorry I was spaced out.” I shake my head. “It’s fine dude. You alright man?” He asks me.

“Yeah. I’m just tired, and this school is draining you know?” I shrug. “Yeah I get it dude. Feel that too.” He nods. “You get enough sleep?” He asks me. “I’m fine Larry. Thanks though.” I smile at him. “Alright, alright, I just wanted to make sure.” He laughs. I hear the sudden bell ring and some sighs around the room. “Alright. I’ll see you guys later.” I say as I grab my things and head out of the cafeteria.

Chapter Text

I sit quietly in the front pew of the church. I make sure that my legs are pressed together and my hands are clasped tightly. I try my best to look proper. My eyes are fixated on my father, standing at the altar, reading the gospel. His loud voice booming throughout the room. I glance around the room at other’s stone cold faces as they look toward the front.

I look back at my father. His movements are exaggerated so people will listen to the words he’s saying. Nobody hears a thing. They pretend to, but they don’t. Look at them! Everyone in this damned church looks like a zombie. They all have no life behind their eyes. Why are they even here?

I breathe out shakily. “Do these people find comfort in my father’s words? Are they inspired? Invoked with fear? Do they know that he hurts his son? Will they ever know? Would they even care?” My thoughts spiral like a derailed train as I sit quietly. I feel tears swelling behind my eyes but I push the feeling down.

I take a deep breath quietly to calm myself down. My gaze shifts to the clock on the wall. 11:42. That’s it? It’s like he’s been talking forever! There’s a mass directly after this one and I have to be here for that too. That’ll probably go until 1:00. I haven’t eaten yet today. I’m starving. My father never lets me eat until after mass and I’m always hungry.

I just stare blankly at the wall. His voice is loud but the words he say go in one ear and out of the other. The rest of the mass goes by agonizingly slow. Eventually though, it ends around noon. I sigh with relief. My dad dismisses the people and walks through the church carrying the large cross. I avoid looking in his direction.

After he makes it to the back of the church people begin getting up and leaving. He wishes goodbyes to the people as they flood out of the church. I however, stay seated in my pew. As the last few people file out I’m the last person left sitting. The church is quiet and mostly empty with the exception of me, my father and other church leaders.

My father struts through the church and meets me in my pew. “Travis.” He states. “Hello.” I respond blankly, refusing to meet his eyes. “Were you listening to my sermon?” He asks, cocking his head. “Yes.” I nod. “Old or New Testament?” He demands. “New Testament.” I blurt. I’m truly unsure what he talked about but I have to guess something. “Good.” He nods approvingly.

“Which book?” He quizzes. “M-Matthew.” I stutter. I thought I heard him say it earlier. “That’s right. Good.” He says. “I spoke about a specific passage from Matthew. Do you mind telling me what it is?” He continues to test me. At this point I’m clueless and have to make the closest guess I can.

“U-uhm 13-“ I begin. “No.” He interrupts loudly. “You don’t listen to what I teach Travis?” He questions. “I-I do…” I plead. “It certainly doesn’t sound like it!” He snaps. “I’m sorry!” I yelp apologetically. “So you admit it?” He hisses. “Uh…I don’t-“ I splutter. He scoffs. “Forget it. Do me a favour Travis. Listen to me this time.” He threatens as he heads to the back of the church.

I breathe out. I know that it’s not ending here, but he can’t actually do anything since we’re in a church. The next mass starts soon. I look up at the clock again. 12:19. Some early people already begin coming through the doors. My father greets them as they arrive, I notice him shaking hands and nodding.

The persona he puts forth is upsetting. Why can’t that be who he really is? All these people truly believe that facade. I shake my head. Everyone begins to settle down and the mass begins at 12:30. I pay close attention to the gospel this time. He begins with the passage Matthew 19:16-19.

My father begins, “Just then a man came up to Jesus and asked, ‘Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?’ ‘Why do you ask me about what is good?’ Jesus replied. ‘There is only One who is good. If you want to enter life, keep the commandments.’ ‘Which ones?’ he inquired. Jesus replied, ‘You shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, you shall not give false testimony, honour your father and mother, and love your neighbour as yourself.’”

He pauses reflectively. He begins getting into depth about the commandments listed in the passage. “We all know why murder is wrong and unjust. Along with stealing, adultery and false testimony. Any person with morals can see that.” He continues. “But people don’t seem to stress the importance of honouring your mother and father.” I notice my father glare at me. A chill runs down my spine.

“Think about what they’ve done for you. Through God they raised you, put food on your plate, clothes on your back and a roof over your head. As Jesus does for His people. Don’t they deserve more thanks? And yet, people don’t see the importance in this commandment.” He preaches.

He takes a deep breath. “Ephesians 6:1-3. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honour your father and mother’-which is the first commandment with a promise- ‘so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’” He reads aloud. “The Lord pushes you all to practice honouring your parents. How many of you have called your parents today? What about yesterday? So I say to you; call your parents, visit them. Think about all that they’ve done for you.” He speaks.

I sigh. I know how the conversation is going to go when I get home. I sit quietly, listening to him ramble on about the commandments, and why you should honour your father and mother, dreading the lecture I’m going to receive.

Chapter Text

After the mass ends, I stand at the back of the church with my father. He says goodbye as people leave with smiles on their faces. A younger, attractive woman approaches us. She’s maybe in her late thirties. Still far too young for my father. I’ve seen her a few times in the church, I think she comes regularly on Sundays.

“That was a wonderful sermon father.” She thanks him with a bright smile. “It’s my pleasure my dear. After all God calls upon me to spread His word.” He responds. “This is your son, correct?” She gestures to me. “Yes, this is Travis.” He nods. “Hi.” I wave awkwardly. “Hello young man! How old are you?” She asks. “Just started sophomore year.” I say.

“Oh how wonderful! You know, I have a daughter around your age! You two should meet sometime.” She suggests. “Oh um…that would be nice.” I smile. “Sure it would! Well it was nice to meet you Travis. Thank you again father.” She gushes. “Good to see you.” My father waves as she leaves. Once everyone leaves the church, my father’s mood changes. “Let’s go home Travis.” He states coldly.

When we get home, I brace for his lecture. My body tenses up. “I can’t believe you Travis!” He begins. “I thought out of everyone in that church my own son would listen to me most. Then I find out he didn’t hear a thing? You are disappointing.” He shakes his head. “I’m sorry dad.” I say shakily. “No you’re not!” He yells, slamming a hand on the kitchen table.

“Did you at least listen the second time!?” He questions. “Yes!” I cry out. “What was the passage!?” He asks. “M-Matthew 19:16-19.” I stutter. “That’s right. What did you learn from it?” He pries further. “That I should honour you b-because you do so much for me!” I explain. He pauses for a moment. “You listened to me the second time.” He nods quietly. “But you should’ve listened the first time.”

“I’m sorry father, I really am.” I plead. “No, it’s fine Travis. You can just go do whatever the fuck you want! Apparently I do nothing for you. I don’t give you food, or give you clothes, or a roof over your head! Apparently I’m not worthy of your attention!” He begins to do that thing where he makes me feel guilty. “I didn’t mean it like that dad.” I beg. I feel tears swelling behind my eyes again.

“Well it sure seems like you did!” He continues. “But no, I guess I just do nothing for you! Don’t worry about me anymore Travis I guess I won’t be doing anything for you!” He yells. “Forget about my whole sermon why don’t you?!” He says as he turns to leave. I hesitate before speaking but I know I have to. “Um…could I please make m-myself something to eat?” I mumble.

He stops and turns slowly. I start to begin regretting asking that question. “What did you just say?” He asks condescendingly. “I-it’s just that…I haven’t eaten yet today.” I mutter. “Oh is that right? Oh poor you Travis. Didn’t you know that Jesus spent 40 days in the desert without food or water? He survived just fine! He wasn’t tempted by the devil was he!?” My dad raises his voice again.

“P-please…I’m just hungry.” I apologize. He slaps me across the face hard and I fall to my knees. “You’re hungry?! Really Travis?! Check your fucking privilege! I didn’t know I was raising a fucking brat! You just disrespected me for the last two hours and now all you can think about is how hungry you are? Are you fucking kidding!?” He screams at me.

“I’m sorry! I am!” I cry out. I can’t hold back my tears anymore, they just begin to flow. “Oh now you’re gonna cry Travis? Be a man. Do you want me to give you a real fucking reason to cry? I’ll give you a real reason!” He yells as he unbuckles his belt. My eyes widen with fear. “Father please no! I’ll do better I swear! I’m sorry! Please forgive me!” I begin to plead relentlessly.

No matter how much I cry and beg and pray, it doesn't matter. He beats me anyway. He continues to scream at me, talking about how ungrateful and disrespectful I am. When he’s done he leaves me there, grabs his keys and leaves the house. He slams the door on his way out. I sit there in the kitchen sobbing, my body aching and trembling slightly.

My stomach is in pain from how hungry I am. I put my hand on my belly. My whole body is littered with tender red skin that’s going to fade to nasty bruises. My head is pounding with a horrible headache. I shakily stand up, and head towards my room. When I get there I fall onto my bed and pull the covers over myself. I rest my head on my pillow, which starts to become wet with my tears as they gush from my eyes.

“Why did I say that?” I think to myself. “Why didn’t l listen during the first mass? Why can’t I be a better son?” My brain swells with thoughts of my father’s words. That feeling of guilt rests in my stomach like a large boulder. My father was right. I disrespected him. I disrespected God. “How could I attend mass and not listen? Not worship him? How could I be so selfish?” My mind spirals.

My hands find the cross on my necklace. I cry as I pray. “God please forgive me. I’m a horrible sinner. I’m an awful son. Please give me your mercy. Help me change my ways.” I struggle to breathe as I speak aloud. “I’ll go hungry Father. Like you did for me. If I have to starve for you I will. Just please forgive me. Forgive me for what I’ve done.”

Chapter Text

Travis POV

I walk into the school bathroom during lunch. “Hm. Something feels off.” I think to myself. I walk toward the last stall slowly, my brain in a fog. It’s empty in here with the exception of myself. Then suddenly the door bursts open and my head spins quickly. Sally Face stands at the door to the bathroom. “Sally Face?” I cock my head.

“Travis.” He looks deeply into my eyes. “What is it?” I ask as he slowly walks toward me. His eyes scan my body before looking back up at my face. Then he pushes me against the bathroom stall door. I flinch as he does it. “What are you doing Sally Face?” I yell. “I want you badly Travis.” His voice is low and sensual.

I stare at his face in confusion. “What is…huh…?” My words are slurred. He unbuckles his mask and tosses it aside. His face is like none I’ve ever seen, it’s so…gorgeous. He presses his lips with mine, pushing me harder into the door. His tongue gently slips into my mouth before I even know what’s happening.

When he pulls away, he grins at me. “Sally Face!” I exclaim, trying to hide my arousal. “You like it huh?” He teases. “I see your boner.” My eyes meet the ground as my face gets hot. “I-I do not-! I’m not-!” I stutter, but I’m cut off by his lips meeting mine again. “Mmph!” My moan is muffled by the kiss. “Why is he…? What is going on? Why do I like it?” My brain swirls with thoughts. “This isn’t real.”

I jolt awake. My body is drenched in sweat and I feel hot. I breathe out heavily. “What was that?” I think to myself. I glance down and see the bulge in my pants. “Oh fuck. This isn’t happening.” I shake my head in disgust. I almost throw up in my mouth. My eyes dart to my alarm clock. 4:53. “Oh dear God.” I mumble to myself.

I stand shakily, and stumble my way toward the bathroom in only my boxers. I reach the bathroom and kneel in front of the toilet. I feel the urge to puke, yet I don’t. “What is wrong with me!?” I think to myself. I sit back and cover my mouth with my hand. “Shit.” I mutter aloud. I better clean myself up.

After changing my pants I crawl back into my bed. I don’t need to wake up for another hour anyway. So I try to fall back asleep, but every time I close my eyes I can’t get that awful image out of my head. I shudder thinking about Sally Face in that awful way. “I’m not a f_ggot. It was just a dream.” I attempt to convince myself as I try to fall asleep.

. . .

I walk wearily toward the class I’ve been dreading since I woke up. Algebra. I can’t bear to look at him. I walk in the doorway and yet, my body forces my eyes up at him. We lock eyes for a few seconds before I walk away. My face is flushed and my body is trembling as I sit down. The image flashes in and out of my brain.

“I hate it! God, I’m filthy and vile! Why am I acting like this!?” My thoughts swell in my mind. To distract myself I pull out my homework and slide it to the top corner of my desk before putting my head down. I have an awful migraine. I already want to leave. The bell rings, and the teacher begins her lecture. “You made it through the first week. So good job to you guys.” She begins.

I try to focus, I try my best to listen, yet I can’t. I keep glancing behind me to look at him. Holy shit. He’s so focused on the lesson. Why does he have to be such a little smart ass!? I hate him. I hate that stupid mask and his gay little accessories. His shitty style with that ugly sweater. And his hair…his stupid blue hair. He notices me looking at him. I look away quickly and back at the front.

My heart is beating out of my chest. Beads of sweat drip down my face. I feel nauseous. “What is this feeling?” I think to myself. “It’s just a dream. A stupid dream. Even if it turned me on it…I’m not a homo!” My headache gets worse as I try to convince myself. I grab the cross that hangs from my neck as I plead silently to God. “Don’t let me be tempted by these wrong feelings. Oh please Lord show me the way to light. I’m a horrible sinner. Please forgive me.”

The class goes by so slowly. My brain is fogged and I can’t think straight. I stare at the teacher as she speaks, but like my father’s sermons, in one ear and out the other. After her lesson we get handed a work sheet that needs to be completed tonight and handed in tomorrow. I sigh as I stare at the equations. I mean I get it but…I didn’t listen the whole time. I really don’t understand. This whole thing has messed me up completely.

I try my best to scribble some equations down. She gives us around 10 minutes to work on homework before sending it home with us. I sigh and get to work. Soon after the bell rings. Everyone begins to collect their books and head off to lunch. I pack up slowly to avoid coming into contact with Sally Face. But he’s still in here, is he waiting for me? I glance at him one last time before I go to leave.

“What? No snarky comment today?” He asks from behind. “Fuck off Sally Face.” I grumble. “You seem like you wanted to say something. You were staring at me all class.” He states. My face goes red. I look back at him flustered. “I didn’t say anything! Leave me alone asshole!” I exclaim as I storm off. I try not to think about Sally Face as I head off to lunch. But I see him there too! Why is he everywhere? Why can’t I escape him? That asshole and his stupid blue hair.

Chapter Text

Sal POV

After algebra I make my way to the cafeteria for lunch and sit down with Larry, Ash, Todd, Maple and Chug as usual. “Who wants to come get food with me?” I ask around the table. “I will.” Todd nods as he stands to come with me. Sometimes I pack a lunch whilst other times I get cafeteria food. It all just depends on how I’m feeling that day.

Me and Todd find the back of the line. It’s not that bad but it’s still sort of long. The line just so happens to end at the table Travis sits at. Todd and I stand awkwardly as Travis glances up. “Oh God.” He mumbles as he rolls his eyes. He looks embarrassed. “Ignore him.” Todd whispers to me. He stands abruptly and walks away. I’m guessing he’s going to the bathroom or something.

“He’s always so miserable.” Todd observes. “I know. He’s acting really weird around me today for some reason though. Like he gets all freaked out when he sees me.” I explain. “He was staring at me in class.”“That’s weird. Maybe he found something out about you. Or maybe about himself.” Todd speaks in a way I can’t quite understand. “What is that supposed to mean?” I ask.

“Well I mean…I don’t know. There’s something he’s hiding.” Todd shrugs. “Oh I think I know what it is!” I exclaim. “Last week I saw him in the bathroom and his eyes were totally red. I think he was smoking or something and would get into big shit if someone found out. Maybe that’s why he’s so freaked around me.” I realize. “Ehh…maybe. I don’t think that’s the case.” Todd doesn’t seem too convinced.

“What? Why? What do you think it is?” I prod Todd for answers. “He’s the son of a really religious preacher, and he has no friends or money. How do you think he got his hands on cigarettes? And in the bathrooms? It seems unbelievable.” Todd explains. “Yeah I guess so. I suppose it’s also not my business.” I shrug. “Don’t get too worked up about it.” Todd elbows me.

I laugh gently, but it still sort of bothers me. What’s so wrong with me specifically that Travis hates? I guess I’m looking too much into things–story of my life. But still, there’s this uneasy feeling that’s itching at the back of my skull. “Sal.” Todd gestures to me. “What? Oh sorry.” I snap out of my trance and realize we’re at the front of the line now. Me and Todd get our food, thank the lunch lady Kim and head back to our table.

“I can’t believe Kim still works here.” I say, my eyes widening. “It’s probably one of the few jobs that’ll hire her unfortunately. She’s always so miserable.” Todd suggests, a hint of pity in his voice. “Yeah for sure.” I nod solemnly. We get back to the table, I fit myself between Ash and Larry with my tray. “Oh yikes. That shit looks gross.” Larry cringes. “Well it’s better than those hotdogs they used to serve.” I laugh. “Ah! Stop dude!” Larry shakes his head disgusted.

“Yeah I’m passing up on the meatloaf days. Can’t believe you eat that stuff guys.” Ash agrees with Larry. “It’s good guys! You’re just being dramatic.” Chug exclaims, shoving food into his mouth. “It’s not my favourite but it could be worse.” I shrug. My eyes gaze over to where Travis typically sits. He’s still not back. I wonder where he went.

“Sal.” Todd shoots me a look. “What?” I ask, before realizing. “I wasn’t…it’s not…I’m going to the bathroom.” I sigh. I slide my tray slightly forward as I stand and turn to leave. I swiftly find my way to the cafeteria exit, pushing the heavy door open. I walk through the halls with a horrible feeling that I can’t shake. I’m really not sure what his deal is but I just have to know.

When I enter the bathroom. I don’t see anyone immediately. “Maybe I misread the situation…where else can he be?” Questions pop into my head. Just then, one of the stall doors open, and he walks out. He stops in his tracks when he looks up and his eyes meet mine. “Sally Face?” His face is disfigured, twisted with disgust and fear. “I’m just…going to the bathroom.” I speak quietly.

Travis looks down at the floor, his feet shuffling awkwardly. He scoffs. “Why’re you following me!?” He exclaims, flustered. “What’s up your ass today? I’m just pissing dude.” I counter. “I can’t go anywhere without seeing your stupid plastic face!” He yells as he points his finger at me. “Relax Travis. I don’t want anything from you.” I say as I gently move his hand down.

He frowns and furrows his brows. “Tch. Whatever.” He walks past me to the sink to wash his hands. I ignore him and head to one of the stalls. When I’m done, Travis is gone. He must’ve just washed his hands and left. Good riddance. I turn on the sink and pump some soap in my hands. After I’m finished I head back to the cafeteria.

I sit back down in my spot quietly. Todd glances up at me. I sigh and unbuckle the bottom straps of my mask so I can eat. “Sal?” Todd calls to me. “Mhm?” I say as I glance up. “We have a physics test tomorrow.” He states calmly. “Oh that’s right.” I nod. “Do you want to hang out after school to study?” He asks me. “Oh sure. That’s a good idea.” I agree.

Then the bell rings, and we have to head to our third period classes. I part ways with all my friends and make my way to my history class.

Chapter Text

Sal POV

After physics class I walk back to my locker with Todd. We’re met with Larry and Ash when we get there. “Hey guys!” Ash smiles warmly. “Sup.” Larry waves, his head buried in his locker. “Ugh. I have to watch Ben again tonight.” Ash groans, leaning against the lockers. I unlock my locker and it opens with a creak. I switch through my books and backpack, what I need to bring home or what I can leave here.

“Sounds rough Ash.” I say sarcastically with a small laugh. “Oh shut up Sal!” She elbows me. “Hey!” I exclaim playfully. The two of us are laughing as we shove each other. Then suddenly, I see Travis down the hallway. He’s looking at us. When he sees me looking at him, his eyes dart away. Ash notices him too. We both pause for a moment. “Jeez…what’s his problem?” She scoffs.

“Who?” Larry peeks his head out from his locker. “Just Travis was looking at us.” I say awkwardly. “That dick. I’ll beat his ass. Want me to beat his ass?” Larry challenges. “No Larry.” Ash crosses her arms. “Let’s just go home.” Todd suggests. “Yeah, you’re right.” Larry agrees. Once Larry grabs his backpack, we all head for the exit.

“Alright, my dad’s picking me up. See you guys.” Ash waves goodbye to us. “Bye Ash!” I call to hear as we leave. I take a deep breath of fresh air. The wind is still and calm right now, and it’s still pretty warm out. The leaves are starting to change colour slightly. I smile under my mask thinking about fall. I love the orange and red leaves, the crisp air and most of all, Halloween.

“Sal, are we going to mine or your apartment?” Todd asks me. “Can we stop at mine really quick and go to yours?” I suggest. “Sure. Sounds good.” He nods. “Oh you guys are hanging out?” Larry asks, head perking up slightly. “We have a physics test tomorrow so we’re studying together. You can come Larry but you might be bored.” Todd laughs. “Oh right. That does sound boring.” Larry agrees.

Our walk isn’t very far, we make it back to the apartments and head inside. The three of us cram into the elevator. Larry reaches out his long finger to press the “B” button. We wait patiently as the elevator goes down, and the doors creak open slowly. Larry steps outside and waves us goodbye, walking toward his apartment. Todd reaches over and presses the “4” button. The doors shut and we go up.

The door opens once more, we step out into the hallway and turn right to my apartment. I fiddle with the key in my pocket, pushing it into the door and turning it. Todd’s green eyes analyze my hands and my key, squinting slightly. “What?” I ask glancing back at him. “It’s just that,” he begins, “you should really keep your keys in a better spot. It could fall out of your pockets easily.” He suggests. “Whatever man, it’s fine.” I laugh as I push the door open gently.

Immediately, we’re greeted by my cat Gizmo. He meows loudly when he sees me, rubbing his head against me and Todd’s legs. “Hey Gizmo. How’re you doing buddy?” I laugh as I crouch down to pet his head. He purrs like a little motor and his tail curls at the top. “I guess you’re hungry.” I sigh. I approach the kitchen to get his food for him, Todd bending down to pet him as well.

As soon as he hears me open the can he perks up, and jogs over to his food bowl. I stand up slowly, stretching my back. “So Sal.” Todd begins. “Hm?” I look back at him quickly. My hands slowly find the zipper on my backpack as I unpack my things. “About Travis.” He mentions. “Travis?” I ask, my head stays down, focused on my bag. “Or sorry, the bathroom.” He makes air quotations with his hands.

“I was just…curious is all.” I stammer. My eyes finally meet Todd’s. “Be honest Sal.” He sighs, sounding exasperated. I breathe out, my hands pressing against the cold kitchen countertops. “He’s acting so…weird lately. Like this year. He looks so angry and upset and his face is always twisted into this awful scowl.” I explain, running my mouth desperately.

Todd nods thoughtfully, a long moment of silence between us. “Isn’t that normal for Travis?” Todd inquires after a minute or so. “I guess…I don’t really know.” I stammer, slightly embarrassed. “I understand that you want to know the answers to these questions but maybe there is none. I think you’re looking into this too much Sal. I’m guilty of doing it too.” Todd admits. There’s a pause again, I look at his face and analyze his expression.

After a while I let out a loud sigh. “I hate it but you’re right.” I weakly fight the smile creeping on my face, not that Todd can see it anyway. “I get that a lot.” Todd grins. The two of us laugh quietly. “Let me get some notes and other things quickly. Be right back.” I say abruptly, releasing my fingers from the cold countertop and heading to my room. “Okay. I’ll wait here with Gizmo!” Todd calls as I leave.

When I get to my room, I shuffle through some papers on my dresser, gathering physics notes for our test tomorrow–the first one of the year. I also snag some cue cards and coloured gel pens so we can make flash cards to study. Todd never cared for the coloured pens or fancy highlighters. He used his pen or pencil and a simple yellow highlighter. However, I love making my notes cute and fancy, so I suppose we disagree in that aspect.

Before I step out of my room I glance at a small picture frame, with my mom holding me as a baby. Her long blonde hair is draped over her shoulder. My heart aches as I long for my mother. I miss her. I let out a small, tired sigh, before exiting the room quietly and slipping back into the living room where Todd was waiting.

“Alright.” I say holding my notes and pencil case. “Let’s go down to your apartment.” The two of us exit my room, I lock the door as we turn to leave. “Sal?” Todd asks me as I fiddle with the key hole. “What’s up?” I ask, not looking back at him. “What did Travis say to you today? In class I mean.” He inquires.

“What did he say?” I repeat the question thoughtfully. I shake my head. “He didn’t really…say anything. He was just staring at me all of class. When I’d notice him he’d turn back around.” I begin, spinning on my heels to face Todd in the hallway. “At the end of class I sort of…well nagged him a bit. He got mad and defensive.” “Sal.” Todd stares at me sharply. “What? He nags me all the time!” I exclaim, strutting past him toward to elevator.

“Alright. Well what about in the bathroom?” Todd asked. “He was angry that I was there. ‘Why are you everywhere Sally Face!?’ and shit like that.” I say mockingly. Todd pauses thoughtfully as we get into the elevator. “I don’t know Sal. It’ll figure itself out.” Todd shrugs. “I sure hope so.” I sigh.

Chapter Text

Travis POV

My brain is scattered from today. God, I must’ve looked like such a fool. What is wrong with me!? Thinking about another boy in that way. How I kept staring at stupid Sally Face in class…and his…beautiful blue eyes and…no! There’s a pounding migraine in the back of my skull that’s practically audible. So audible that I was sure my father could hear it, seeing as that he sat at the opposite side of the table as me.

The kitchen was dull and painfully grim, as was the rest of the house. Everything appeared louder, my fork scraping against the plate as I eat, the clock ticking on the wall. Stress was bubbling up in my stomach. I didn’t want to look at my father. Not after how he hurt me yesterday…not after having sinful thoughts of Sally Face.

Even though he would never have known what was going on in my head, I feel shame rising in me looking at him knowing that I’m a sinner. “I’m leaving now.” His deep voice ripples through my body. “Finish up the dishes Travis.” His face is stone cold. His voice is flat and strong. “Yes sir.” I mumble quietly. He stands and in a few long strides he exits the kitchen.

I breathe out. A rock of stress falls off my back. I relax a bit now that he’s not here. Even with him gone, however, I still feel ashamed of my sinful thoughts. I close my eyes and my head hangs low. I stand after a few moments, my legs wobbly. I grab mine and my father’s plates, they clamour together as I stack them. I walk wearily toward the sink to start washing the dishes.

There’s not that many dishes to be washed, thankfully. I switch on the faucet the water comes out cool. The feeling of the cold water on the dry skin on my hands is incredible. I sigh aloud as the cooling sensation finds the rest of my body. I cherish the last bits of it before I turn it hot, and begin scrubbing.

The heat from the water blasting onto my hands like flames is quite the opposite. It reminds me of earlier in the day, waking up with my whole body sweating and hot. Or when I kept bumping into Sally Face during the day and my face was all flushed. The sensation of the heat brings me back to my horrible gut feeling of shame.

“Shame. Shame. Shame.” The word spins in my mind like a cyclone. “No…” I mutter aloud to myself. “…I’m not a f_ggot…not a fucking homo.” I shake my head with my eyes shut tight. My hand scrubs the plate in my hand. Over and over and over. My migraine only gets worse. The plate slips from my hands as I groan frustratingly and run my wet hands through my hair. I slam my fingers down on the counter behind me.

“Fuck!” I yell. My fist slams down against the counter. My eyes dart around the room quickly. My vision goes blurry as I sway in place. I suddenly feel like I’m about to pass out and the room begins spinning. “Why am I like this!?” My brain practically screams at me. The pounding in my head and heartbeat is rapid and intense. I stumble forward back towards the sink.

The heat from the water feels like it’s burning my hands. “Agh!” I shout out. I fight the urge to reel my hands back and instead, I continue washing. When I’m finished scrubbing them clean, I sigh, leaning back into the countertops. I snag a towel off of where it’s hanging on the oven, beginning to dry the dishes. “Fucking f_ggot. I hate that little homo fucker.” I mumble angrily under my breath. My hands clasp the towel as I rub the water from the once soaked dishes.

My head hurts as I slowly begin to put the dried dishes away. Shame continues to eat at my insides. “What if my father knew about my horrible dream?” I think to myself. I feel tears at the back of my eyes, wanting to come out but they just don’t. I open and close cabinets, putting plates and bowls away where they belong. My chest is tight and I struggle to breathe. My face aches from being so tense in a scowl.

As I put away the final dish, I stumble backward, hands pressing against the cold countertop again. The kitchen was clean. Finally. Even so, that little flame of pride was blown out as quickly as it came. All of this stress, anger, shame, caused by a stupid dream. A dream with enough force to make my head do spins in an excruciatingly fast manner, and make my body ache from how tense I am.

I feel a deeply rooted sensation in my gut telling me it’s more than a dream. I feel sick to my stomach. My heart and head pounding. I can practically feel the fiery pits of hell on my feet. I stagger slightly, struggling to stand upright. My eyes scan the room once more in a desperate attempt at…well I’m not too sure. Everything blurring in and out of view. My eyes land on the knife block sitting atop the kitchen counter in the corner.

“Shame. Shame. Shame.” The word repeats itself in my brain. My vision fully fixated on the knives just sitting there. I pause whilst staring at them, my brows furrowed and my lips tightened into a pout. Suddenly my body lunges at the block, grabbing a knife out of it and falling to the ground. I curl up by the countertops in the kitchen, the knife in my hand.

I yank up my sleeve quickly, my older scars, that weren’t that old at all, revealed. If I was trying my hardest to keep tears behind my eyes, I certainly failed to do so. My tears gushed out in thick streams as I position the knife by my arm. Ashamed of myself, I open the old wounds from before. “I’m s-sorry…I’m not a f-f_ggot…” I blubber quietly to myself.

The burning sensation of pain writhes through my arm. My head leans back against the countertop behind me. Inhaling sharp, quick breaths as I struggle to breathe. “Fuck!” I scream aloud, tossing the knife aside. I sit there and cry. Wallowing in my pain, wallowing in my shame.