Work Text:
"Celebrate the fact that the bastard is dead, Shisui!" Genma hopped down from the sill with a roll of his eyes, slinking over to sling an arm around the teen's shoulders with a playful smirk. We all got out of it in one piece… and," His smirk widened, slow and sly, "Didn't you hear? Rai is buying!"
No Tomorrow - Chapter 26: Flexible
Obito would have liked The Golden Leaf if only for its loud atmosphere, which reached new volumes the night of their celebration. Kakashi, nursing his beer glass at a table, lazily blinked as Genma stood atop a third table, this time in the civilian section, and began singing at the top of his lungs. The civilian table, to Kakashi's surprise, stood and began singing along. Typical of Genma, really, to make friends wherever he went by being apologetically Loud.
Everything was very loud or maybe that was because of Kakashi's sensitive ears, which picked up on every little movement from Tenzo's drunken muttering (something about crayons?) and Raido's victorious cheer across the bar as he finally won a game of cards.
Shisui was stumbling over to Genma. Not to pull him down, no, drunken Shisui was perhaps the worst enabler of them all as he joined Genma up on the table, arm in arm, doing a poor, out of time, version of the can-can as their awful singing caught the attention of the rest of the bar.
To his horrified amusement, many joined in.
What the hell was his life?
"Taichou!" Shisui shouted, jumping off the table and running towards him so eagerly, like an enthusiastic greyhound puppy.
Shisui grabbed his arm and Kakashi graciously allowed it. The young man's beer sloshed out of his glass as he leaned on Kakashi, which Kakashi also graciously allowed.
Some allowances had to be made. After all, the kid had helped chop Danzo down like the man was nothing more than a rotten tree. So when Shisui wrapped an arm around his shoulders, Kakashi told himself he was allowing the sign of affection because Shisui had finished what his sensei couldn't, and what Kakashi had been unable to do himself. It was nothing more than a kid cashing in his allowance.
"I can't believe it, can you?" Shisui said, raising his glass.
"Believe what?" Kakashi asked, sipping his beer.
"We actually did it!" Shisui cheered, clinking his glass against Kakashi's, "I might go into shock at any point. I don't even know any more."
"Please just don't faint. I'm not carrying you back."
"Yeah, you would, though."
"I would not."
"Yes, you would. You care about us," Shisui said, grinning and prodding Kakashi's masked cheek.
The kid was absolutely sloshed. Shisui, thankfully, was the sort to have blurred memories while drunk and so would likely not remember that Kakashi had graciously allowed him to push personal boundaries and, yes, state the truth they all carefully avoided.
He wasn't sure he'd survive losing anyone again. He hoarded his team, he knew, in a way that others did not. The Yamakna oba-san (he refused to call them a shrink), insisted having "healthy" relationships was good for him.
But Kakashi knew no friendship with him was "healthy", since his friends had a habit of ending up dead. Gai was still alive, though, so maybe there was hope this team would survive yet.
Tipsy and warm in the stuffy air, Kakashi let the hope stay alive for a solid five seconds before he crushed it down under his boot. He didn't want to get used to it. But, despite his best efforts, he was. He'd grown used to Raidou writing reports and Genma checking in on him at 2am and Shisui's toothy grins and Tenzo's wonder at the world. Where had they been—yeah, an assassination mission not too far out of Fire, and Tenzo had stopped in the forest as they returned to the Leaf village, looking at the canopy leaves because Taichou, autumn is here, can you see?
Kakashi did see. Autumn had been his mother's favourite season, his father had told him once, and very little else, and it had been many years since Kakashi had stopped to look at the trees, even though they bordered his life like a frame, because for many years his life had been a greyed out canvas.
No one could say his teammates didn't add colour, but would it stay?
He watched Shisui chug his glass of beer (the kid would have one hell of a hangover after that) and take a seat back at their table, good mood seemingly sinking into something more pensive. Tenzo, muttering having ended some minutes ago, leaned his head against Shisui's shoulder and his eyelids shuttered into a drowsy rest.
A question lay on Kakashi's tongue, still as stagnant water, and refused to leave his mouth. It wasn't something he could ask directly—he never asked anything directly—but the question was there, haunting him whenever quiet moment passed by.
Danzo.
Shisui leaned against Tenzo and the two began to doze off, looking extremely peaceful despite the clattering of Genma's racket behind them, eyes closed, and Kakashi nearly crushed his beer glass between his fingers at the thought that Danzo could have ripped out Shisui's eyes and implanted them in his arm like baubles, trapped under bandages, and none of them would have had any idea.
What had been the trigger?
Something must have happened, Kakashi knew, but Inochi was about to blab, and Kakashi didn't want fucking ask when Shisui looked like a weight had finally been removed from his shoulders.
How close had it been? Danzo's agents hadn't been easy to defeat. One wrong move, one little hint, and Danzo could have moved in the shadows like swarm, without a trace, and Shisui would have been—
There wouldn't have been a body, just like—
Anger was like acid destroying him from the inside. This is why caring was so deadly. He didn't want to. He'd been so angry after Minato, he'd jumped into every mission not-so-secretly hoping it'd send him to the grave, but he somehow kept on living when everyone else was dying, and there was no god giving him an answer as to why.
"I'm glad I'm here," Shisui mumbled, sleepy. "I'm glad I'm alive."
Kakashi let that sink in like a rock in his gut.
"You're drunk," he muttered, pulling away Shisui's half-empty beer glass.
"Mm. I like drinking with you guys. Didn't think I'd get to do it again."
He should have ripped out Danzo's innards through his throat after the mess with Tenzo, Kakashi mused silently.
"I'm really—" Shisui hiccuped, his eyelids fluttering with the movement. "I'm really tired, Taichou."
"Then go to sleep," Kakashi said, flatly.
"I keep dreaming."
"Of what?"
"The water."
Kakashi mostly dreamt of caves and storms and, on very bad nights, going to see Naruto only to find bloodied walls and an empty bed. There was no comfort he could offer. But, he tried.
"You're fine," Kakashi stated. "You're alive. You're drunk."
"I'm drunk," Shisui said, like this was some divine revelation. "Taichou, are you sober?"
"No."
"That's good. We're celebrating."
"Go to sleep, Shisui."
"Are you gonna carry me home?"
"No," Kakashi lied.
Half an hour later, Kakashi had Shisui slumped over his shoulder, Tenzo was walking ahead a little dazed but somehow making his way down the street in an almost straight line, and Raidou and Genma at the back of the pack arm in arm laughing about a joke neither of them could remember.
As he gently pushed Shisui into his dorm room, Kakashi's silent question lingered, joined by many others, but Hound would find out the truth later. For now, Kakashi returned to his dorm alone, and fell asleep sitting up in his bed.
For once, he dreamt of a pleasant day. The first time he was invited over by Minato for dinner, and Kushina had been there, nervous but welcoming. Seal work and theory papers were strewn about on the hastily cleared dining table. The smell of jasmine rice. Green tea seeped for too long in a mug too big for his hands. Minato's laugh when Kakashi had said the man's cooking was better than his teaching.
Kakashi awoke hungover in a world darker than the one he remembered, but he brewed himself a cup of green tea—the same brand they'd had back then—and drew the blinds.
He could see the leaves.
He could smell the tea.
It tasted earthy.
The cup was warm to the touch.
Now carefully grounded, Kakashi allowed himself to think, just for a moment, long enough to acknowledge, I enjoy going out with them.
Then, Hound put his mask back on and began hunting down the next mission.