Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Prologue:

"Can you see any fish in there?" My Father asked, his voice rough and deep with a Scottish lilt.
My keen eyes scanned the water's surface, itching to find any movement or glint of a fish beneath. Sometimes, if I was very still, I could catch the fragmented rays of sun shimmering off a fish scale as a small one flicked past too quickly for me to see and nestled itself safely behind a rock. Today was no different as I scanned. I was already defeated; we had been doing this for years, and I'd never managed to catch a fish myself, and I barely managed to see one.

Across the water, I made eye contact with my Father. Looking into his eyes was like staring into a mirror, the same forest green shimmering with the reflection of the water underneath them. He gave me a mischievous grin, and I prepared myself for what I knew would happen next. His large hands were calloused and covered in dirt and moss. He plunged them into the water, and the dirt and moss obscured my view for a moment. Before it could clear, his hands were coming back out of the water, and cupped within them was a large goldfish, fat and shimmering bright orange. It flopped pathetically against his palms as he held it up just long enough for me to wow and marvel at it like I did every time it happened. I was sure it was the same fish every time, and my young mind created a narrative where my Father was a fish whisperer - that's why the same fish always came to him because he could talk to it.

Suddenly, the orange of the fish turned into fire, and the fire spread up my Fathers' arms and to his body until it engulfed everything, and I could feel its hot heat against my skin even though it wasn't touching me. A single blink and we were back in our old country house. I could hear a woman's frantic screams and the crying of a toddler. I turned left and ran, sprinting as fast as I could to the kitchen, skidding to a halt in the doorway, just like I always did when I had this dream, and there crouching underneath an untouched bench, surrounded by flames, was my Mother, her dark red hair unbound and tumbling down her shoulders, the fire made it seem even redder. The only thing I had inherited from her. In her arms was my brother, his eyes wide and ice blue just like our Mothers. They begged me to help from across the room without having to use any words, and I took one step into the room before I was swept up in heavy arms and dragged away from the fire and dumped out of the house and onto the cool grass outside.
My Father towered in the doorway, his eyes filled with fear; the emotion didn't suit him.

"You don't come back in, love, do you hear me?" His voice was gruff but strained and when I opened my mouth to protest he spoke before me, "Run" He breathed the command, "Run far away from here and don't come back, no matter what, you promise me that" His eyes were churning with so many emotions I couldn't process, but his face was filled with frantic madness. It terrified me.

My cheeks were wet. I was crying, "But what about you and-"

"Frey, love, you have to leave now" He swallowed thickly, "We will find you, I promise" His voice was firm, but his eyes betrayed the lie behind his words.
And so, because my Father had never lied to me and because he looked so unlike I had ever seen him, I stood up and I ran and ran and ran as far away as I could, knowing I would never see him again.

Chapter Text

The familiar tug away from sleep had grown to be the worst feeling in the world for me, not that I could ever complain about being pulled away from constant nightmares or constant nothingness, especially when I couldn't change it. No matter how many times I had the same dream, I could never control the outcome; it always played out the same, like Groundhog Day. My family died in the fire, and then I was snatched up by someone I couldn't see and shipped away to become a tool, a weapon, half a person - or maybe not even that. It was the tug on consciousness that pulled me awake now and away from the dream, earlier than usual. I realised, the dream hadn't even had time to reach its climax. Maybe that was a good thing, a small mercy in a world with none. I awoke but kept my eyes closed for a few moments, enjoying likely the only amount of peace I would receive during this wake cycle. My body ached for movement, and I twitched in response, unable to keep myself as still as I would be asleep.

"She's waking up, be ready," A female voice hissed.

I frowned, eyes still closed. I didn't recognise that voice. Curiosity got the better of me as my eyes flickered open squinting in the dim light of the room I pushed myself out of the cryostasis chamber and onto the hard, even concrete floor beneath. Concrete? I definitely was not where I expected to be.
The room came slowly into view my eyes identified five different individuals in front of me, none of whom I recognized, I looked to my left instinctively assuming that he would be standing there, but he wasn't and it made my stomach drop in a way that made me extremely uncomfortable.

"Where is he?" I asked, my eyes remaining upon the spot where he would usually be standing, ready to fight with me.

"Where is who?" A male voice asked tentatively, I didn't bother looking at him.

"Bucky, the guy in the other chamber, where is he?"

"Bucky?!" The male voice repeated, shocked.

"Long hair, Metal arm, terrible attitude, probably would have killed you by now" I turned to face them, "Where is he?" I spoke clearly, my voice echoing off the walls.

The man who had spoken stood closest to me, he had short-cropped blonde hair and eyes of the deepest blue I'd ever seen, they rivaled Bucky's. His face was sporting a frown which indicated to me that there hadn't been a second cryostasis chamber in the room that I had been in because they would have taken it as well, but why had we been separated?

"Bucky?" The man repeated as if he couldn't believe the word existed, "Bucky Barnes?"

Now it was my turn to frown.
When I was first taken by Hydra, Bucky was the man in black who forced me to comply, I'd dreamed of running away many times, and once for almost a year, I'd succeeded until I'd been recaptured. After my recapture, Bucky and I had gotten closer and since then I'd decided never to try and escape again, after all, we were all we had now, so why bother?
So it was strange that someone else could possibly know his name; he'd been stuck there for much longer than I had, and if they had taken only me and left him there, then he would be suffering for my disappearance, especially if they thought it was another escape attempt. What if he thought I'd left him there alone on purpose? I stilled the panic in my gut.

"Why did you take me anyway?" I replied, not willing to give them any more information about Bucky.

"I'm sorry, in case you hadn't noticed, you're the prisoner here, sweetheart. We'll ask the questions"

My eyes moved lazily to the sound of the second voice, trailing over a woman with hair a brighter shade of red than mine, dressed in full black, her eyes narrowed. Next to her stood a robot, or at least the body of a robot. I followed the gold and red metal all the way up to the helmet, which receded as my eyes beheld it to reveal the face of a man. His eyes were a deep chocolate brown speckled with greens and yellows, his face was slightly tan as if he'd been spending time in a warmer climate, and the dark hair on his head was perfectly styled, though a few strands littered his forehead from the movement of the helmet. A manicured beard framed his mouth and jaw. He was the kind of man I might saunter over to and chat to during a late-night drink at a bar, might even go home with him if he asked, his mouth quirked up in an almost unperceivable smirk as if he knew what I was thinking.

"You must be kidding?" I replied, my eyes meeting his again, unyielding, "You kidnapped me; if anyone has the right to ask questions, it's me"

"I hate to say it, but you did kidnap her," A more hesitant voice said. I could barely make out its owner cowering next to the robot man.

The man in the robot scoffed, "Fat load of help you were, Banner"

"Oh, you think me going all Hulk in an underground bunker is a good idea, Tony? I told you, Hulking out underground is dangerous"

"Will you two shut up?" The female hissed.

I laughed then, a soft, breathy laugh of disbelief, shaking my head softly, "This has to be a joke"

"Excuse me?" Tony responded, his brows now furrowed.

"This whole situation, this is a joke, right?" My eyes surveyed them again, "Do you even know who I am? Or did you just pick me up by mistake?" There was a long silence, and I couldn't help but roll my eyes. "So you stormed a Hydra base, found my chamber, and just took me on a whim?" Rage coiled in my stomach.

Before any of them could speak, I gathered my power inside of me and then lashed out, slamming them all against the walls, my power pressing them into the concrete, individual tendrils coiling around their chests and arms like a straitjacket, making it impossible to move. I opened my mouth to speak, but closed it as something foreign tugged against my power. My head turned to look at the man who had been referred to as Banner. His eyes were wide with fear, and he looked extremely uncomfortable. My eyes narrowed. My subconscious snaked along the tendril attached to him, and when it hit him, I almost cringed back from the feeling - everything about him felt like standing on the edge of a cliff and deciding whether to jump off or not. There was something in here, some big, deep well of power that desired to break loose, and yet he held it back with every ounce of human strength he had. Why didn't he use it?

Fear filled his emotions, I could almost taste it, and so I raised a hand and eased it. Eased back the fear and put that overwhelming presence to sleep before receding back into myself and meeting his deep brown gaze across the room I let him down from the wall.

"Bruce" The female breathed, he looked at her and nodded once before straightening the jacket he was wearing.

"Tell me where you took me from," I said evenly, my question directed at everyone.

"You can't go back there; we destroyed it," Tony replied with satisfaction that only served to piss me off more.

"These chambers are almost indestructible; you can't have destroyed them all"

"Honey, we blew it sky high"

My breath hitched. The chambers were strong but these guys didn't look like regular people, they looked like people who knew how to wield weapons well and there was every possibility that they could have destroyed the base and Bucky's chamber and in doing so destroyed him too. I tried to control my emotions but the frantic fear in me forced my power to push them further into the wall, the female yelped in pain but I didn't care.

"Freya?" The voice made all the hair on my arms stand on end, and to my shame, I found myself stumbling away from it.

The fifth person, I'd forgotten about them completely, and now that he had spoken, I wasn't surprised he hadn't said anything; it'd probably taken him this long to get over the shock of seeing me again. I turned to look then, even though I didn't want to, his grey-blue eyes held familiarity that I wished they didn't, laced with regret and sadness. He wore a dark blue outfit that made the blue in his eyes stand out, and his hair was slightly longer than I remembered and mostly slicked back, just like it used to be under his scrub cap. On his back was a long red cape. He took a step closer to me, and I took one back, and my power slithered back into me, ready to attack him. Everyone else fell to the ground. The blonde man with the deep blue eyes rushed to the woman and helped her up and Tony watched us with interest.

Stephen looked like he was going to take another step closer, "Don't," I warned, but my voice sounded pathetic, "Don't you dare come any closer to me"

"I'm sensing unresolved issues," Tony said, and I shot him a dirty look.

"Wait, you know her?" Blondie asked Stephen.

"I-"

"He knows of me," I bit back, "Knowing someone requires caring about them, and Doctor Stephen Strange doesn't care about anyone except himself"

"I gotta say, I'm on side red-head here, the Wizard is a giant as-" Robot man began.

"Shut up!" Stephen and I both said at the same time, and I regretted it immediately.

"Don't look at me like that," I hissed at Stephen. There was pity in his eyes.

"Freya," He muttered, his voice gentle and even, as if he was trying to lull me, "We don't want to fight you"

I scoffed, "If I wanted to fight you, you'd already be dead"

"Sorry, how do you two know each other?" The female asked.

"Stephen was a surgeon, I was an intern"

"Seems like a bit more than that"

"Tony," Blondie warned.

"Because of my abilities," I looked briefly down at my hands, "When I first escaped from Hydra I thought that doing medical work would be best because I could heal people. I was the only Intern who never had a patient die on my watch" My eyes moved back to Stephen who was no longer looking at me but instead eyeing up a very interesting spot on the floor, "People started talking, Doctor Strange felt that his fragile male pride was threatened, he did some digging and when I finally let my guard down enough to tell him my secret he tipped off Hydra and I was hauled back to my dungeon and now here you are, dressed in that ridiculous outfit and trying to talk me down like some kind of hero" I glared at him, "Do you know what they did to me when they took me back? The way they tortured me and Bucky and tried to destroy our minds all over again? I trusted you"

"I never intended to-" Stephen began.

"Don't insult me with lies, Strange" He flinched at my formality, "You knew exactly what you were doing"

"If I had known what I know no-"

"I'm going to get Bucky," I cut him off, sick of listening to his insufferable voice, "He's all I care about, and if I have to kill all of you to get out of here and go and get him, I will, I'll start with him" I jerked my finger in Stephen's direction.

"No one needs to kill anyone," Blondie said, holding up a hand, but I could see the uncertainty in his eyes. He gulped, "I know Bucky, from a long time ago. Can we just talk about this? If what you say is true and Bucky is alive, the same Bucky I know, I'll help you find him"

"What?!" Tony exploded.

"Steve, we should really discuss this before we make promises," The woman said next to him.

Steve shook his head, "I'm not making promises for any of you, only for me. Bucky was my friend before I was frozen in the ice. I saved him onc,e and if he's been used all of these years by Hydra then we need to save him"

"If he's been used by Hydra then he can't be trusted," Tony cut in.

"Tony's right, Steve, who knows what they've done to him?" Bruce added.

"Can he be saved?" Steve asked, he was looking at me with those deep blue eyes, extending a tendril of trust toward me.

"Yes," I nodded.

Tony rolled his eyes, "Of course she's going to say yes, she's in love with him"

I snorted, "Our relationship is platonic, we're friends" I looked sideways at him "I can give you a moment to Google what that means if you like, you don't strike me as a guy who has many friends to compare it to" The glint in his eyes dimmed slightly, I'd hit a nerve. Good. My attention returned to Steve, "How do you know Bucky?"

He sighed, running a hand through his hair, "First of all, my name is Steve Rogers-"

[Flashback]
"There is no way you were popular, people wanted to be friends with the broody soldier?" I raised my eyebrows in disbelief.
Bucky gave me a half-smile, the side of his mouth tugging up into his cheek as he looked at me in the dim light of the starlit sky. There was still blood crusted on his chin, and the smell of iron was thick in the air; it didn't bother me anymore, definitely not as I sat covered in blood as well, it was a regular part of our days and nights - the ones we got to be awake for anyway.

"I was a different guy back then," He replied, "Steve and I, before he went and got all buff, I used to be the ladies man" He looked up at the stars then as if they were a movie screen playing the memories of his life, it was the first time I'd seen fondness on his features.

"Steve?" I questioned, desperate to know more.

"Steve Rogers," Bucky said the name softly, his eyes glistened as if it was a great secret he'd kept buried in his heart "Scrawny little guy when I first met him, desperate to join the Army and always getting into back-alley fights. He ended up doing some program, and they injected him with this serum, similar to us, made him indestructible and when he came to save me I couldn't believe it, it was crazy" He finally looked back at me, his face breaking into a full smile "He's probably dead now" He added, his smile fading at the reality.

"He sounds like a good guy"

"He was the best person I have ever known, probably spent his whole life thinking I died when I fell off that train. I wonder if he married Peggy"

The memory began to fade as quickly as it had arrived. It was one of many quiet moments on our missions when Bucky had confided pieces of his past with me and I with him, when we had bonded over our similar fates. We weren't stupid; we knew Hydra was monitoring us and that this bonding was what they wanted, for us to form an attachment with each other so that they could use that bond to control us, and we let it happen because it provided us with some comfort when we were awake.

 

"Are you okay?" Steve was asking when I finally began listening to him again, his brow was furrowed with concern.

"I know who you are," I said after a few moments of awkward silence, "Bucky talked about you almost every time we were unfrozen, he thinks you're dead"

"She could be lying," Tony sighed.

"He's right, she could be" Banner added shrugging, the kind of man who sided with what was logical even after what had transpired between us in his head.

I rolled my eyes, "I was trained to kill, not chat, the only thing stopping me from killing all of you is Steve Rogers' connection to Bucky"

"You're pretty confident for someone who is outnumbered," The female said evenly.

"Outnumbered in people, not power"

"We don't want a fight", Stephen said. I wanted to strangle him.

"Why are you even here?" I asked, finally allowing myself to look at him again.

He was still watching me, in fact he hadn't moved an inch and I'd felt his gaze upon me every moment of this conversation, making eye contact with him made me feel like I was suffocating. Why did he have to be here of all places? Where was I?

"Well, you are in my house"

"I'm not at all surprised you live in some lonely concrete basement," I said, and Tony snorted.

He looked exasperated, "This is merely one room of the Sanctum Sanctorum, a lower room protected by spells to prevent anyone from leaving without permission"

My eyes narrowed momentarily and then widened, "Fate does have a sense of humour," I breathed. The outfit made a lot more sense now, and as I looked at him, the cloak flowing down from his shoulders moved by itself despite there being no breeze strong enough to move it. "You have powers now" I wasn't asking a question. My eyes flickered down to his hands instinctively, as if expecting to see a wand or a staff instead. I saw the long, deep scars along each of his fingers; his hands twitched as if my seeing them made him uncomfortable. Despite my better judgment, I took a few steps forward to get a closer look. No one around me moved, not even Stephen and I couldn't even hear him breathing. "What happened to your hands?" I asked, finally, my mouth was dry.

"I was driving on a rainy night, going too fast and not focusing on the road. I crashed" His hands flexed at his sides as if remembering the pain. "The injuries rendered my hands completely useless"

My eyes flickered up to his, the blue-grey swirling like storm clouds "Completely useless?" I asked sharply, wondering if I'd heard him correctly.

"Completely," He added, his voice full of finality, "I haven't done a surgery since I sought out healing for my hands and found something much greater"

"Okay, we get it, you got hurt and now you're a Wizard who does party tricks, look can we move this along? I've got a party to get to" Tony's voice cut into our conversation and for once I was glad for his interruption, it stopped me from feeling sorry for this asshole in front of me, "Can't we just leave her locked up in here until we decide what to do?"

I rounded on him, "I'm not staying locked in this crappy basement, especially not if it belongs to him. I don't think any of you understand. You do not get to decide what is done with me, and the only reason I am still in this room talking to any of you is because of the lingering hope that you might help me find Bucky"

Tony's robot arm lifted and the palm of his hand faced me a circle of light in the middle began to glow ominously, "Tony" Steve warned.

"Come on Cap, she talks a big game lets see if she can back it up" Tony replied and before any of us could retaliate verbally a beam of white hot light fired from his palm.

I wasn't afraid but I was also keenly aware that while Bucky and I fought often we hadn't fought many people who looked to be as capable of fighting as the group that I was currently surrounded by, Tony's blast almost caught me off guard it was only a quick shot of my own invisible power that deflected his beam sending it instead bouncing away from me and into a far wall where it left a rather impressive scorch mark. Steve, as Bucky had told me, was similar in physical ability to me and the girl next to him didn't look as if she was particularly remarkable, she certainly didn't seem to be enhanced at all which left Tony who from what I could tell was a regular human with a weapons suit and Banner the only true physical threat to me if he let out whatever rage filled monster was inside of him. He was looking at me now, and his eyes were steady and understanding. Despite his obviously logical mind, there was compassion in his face. As I was thinking Tony fired again, but I was ready this time and deflected much sooner without even flinching as I dragged my gaze back to his mischievous eyes, but he didn’t get a moment to vocalise a smart quip because I was upon him. I slammed him against the far wall, my forearm across his neck, and my power pinning him flat.

“Try that again and see what happens,” I hissed, my gaze keeping his. He had the sense to look a little afraid.

"Please," Steve said, his voice authoritative, "I said I would help you"

"How are you supposed to help me if you can't even control this circus?" The sound of a gun being cocked caught my attention. The red-haired female stood with her hands raised and a gun nestled in between them, her finger brazenly on the trigger. There was no sense of hesitation about her; she would shoot me in a heartbeat. The cold of the metal pressed against the back of my head. I didn’t break eye contact with Tony.

“Usually,” I drawled, “I’d be all for dying, but if I die, Bucky will suffer” A tendril of my power snaked along the end of the gun, wrapping around it and crushing it, rendering it useless, she swore behind me.

The woman behind me moved into my peripheral vision and tilted her head slightly before extending a hand, much to my surprise, offering me a handshake "My name is Natasha" She said her eyes sparkling.

Bucky's POV
My head was pounding. Beating like a drum over and over again, I couldn't form coherent thoughts because the pain was all I could think about, all I could feel, all I could remember. It consumed me. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I could see her smiling face, hear her laughter, remember the green of her eyes, and the way she always managed to smell like Cherry Pie, not the food but the small clusters of purple flowers that used to grow out in the bushes that I marched through. Like vanilla and freedom.
Freedom.
She was free now, and that was what mattered. With any luck, I'd die in here, and if I didn't, I couldn't decide what would be less painful: being able to remember her or having my mind completely wiped clean of her. Frey was a part of me, not in a weird or romantic way but in a way that felt as if we were two halves of one whole, both of us incomplete without the other. A selfish part of me wondered if she would come for me, if she would try to find me and save me, but why was I always the one being saved? She reminded me so much of Steve, it was how I had remembered him after all these years, her good heart and the way she always said stupid things to make me laugh or put her hand out to help me up off the ground, just like Steve did after he'd been transformed into the perfect soldier. The way they both always seemed to look out for me, to see the good in me, to make me happy.

My face was wet. Maybe I was crying. Was I crying? I wasn't sure and I didn't have time to consider it more before more pain coursed through my body and I began screaming again.

 

Freya's POV
Natasha gave a firm handshake and it said a lot about her, to shake my hand after that display and even give me the slightest hint of a smile, when it came to spirit it seemed we were on an even playing field. It took awhile to convince Stephen to drop the spell keeping us enclosed, it took even longer to convince Tony after I let him go.
The rest of the Sanctum was just as glum as the concrete basement we'd been in, dark and void of any kind of life which wasn't a surprise since it was inhabited by a man who possessed about as much joy and life as a corpse. I watched his cloak as he walked ahead of me, the rich red was mesmerising.

 

[Flashback]

I gulped in a lungful of air and ripped my scrub cap off as I leaned against the coolness of the lockers in the women's changing rooms. It had been a hell of a night that left me wondering which had proven more difficult for me, killing people or saving them. The door behind me opened and then swung closed. I didn't need to turn around to see who had walked in after me.

"You know you're not allowed in here, right?" I said turning slightly to see his face, he stood a few meters away his own scrub cap in his hands, I raised an eyebrow at him and he gave me an easy smile.

“I just came to see if you were alright,” He admitted, “You seemed shaken after that case with the burns victim”

“I’m fine, Stephen” I insisted opening my locker and pulling my bag out, I dumped it on the seat next to me and pulled out my jacket, I’d get changed when I got home.

After a few moments of silence, Stephen said, “Why don’t we get a drink?” When I didn’t reply right away, he added, “It always helps me unwind”

He’d moved a few meters closer and taken off his own scrub cap; his hair was scruffy underneath and hanging down slightly over his forehead. Stephen always looked best when he let his hair fall where it wanted instead of slicking it back, but I’d never tell him that. He raised his eyebrows at me then, as I was surveying his face and I found myself sighing dramatically out loud, his questioning look turned instead into one of triumph.

“Fine, but only one”, I said as I hoisted my bag up onto my shoulder. I made to walk past him, but his hand shot up with irritating ease and tugged the bag off my shoulder. The movement set me off balance, and I stumbled back, only to be caught by his other hand on the small of my back, steadying me. My eyes flicked up, he was almost an entire foot taller than me, and the way he was looking down at me made my breath catch in my throat. I had to remind myself that he looked at every woman like that, that he was a madman who had pursued me into the women's changing rooms, that he was just a friend.

It was like a scene from a romantic comedy, and it played out in slow motion for me as he steadied me and shrugged my bag into his own shoulder, he stared at me for a moment too long before guiding me gently toward the door his hand never leaving my back. What was I doing?

 

I wished Hydra had been able to erase my memories like they did to Bucky, at least then I wouldn't be able to recall them with such clarity, maybe I would be exempt from recalling them at all. Unfortunately, the flashback had claimed my attention; everyone else stopped, and I walked right into the back of Stephen Strange. I unravelled myself from his cloak and stepped back several healthy steps, feeling his eyes on me every moment even though I didn't look up to meet them.

"We could take her back to HQ?" Natasha was saying.

"I'm not going back anywhere, I'm going to get Bucky"

A sigh, Tony again, "And where are you going to start, genius?"

"Tony's right, they will have moved on by now, we need to go back to HQ and see if we can track where they've moved to" Steve said, they had a point.

"I'll get Happy to pick us up," Tony continued, tapping several things into a small screen in his hands.

His iron suit had completely receded now, and instead, he stood in a plain black t-shirt atop a grey long sleeve that came down to his mid forearm, dark jeans, and some dark boots I couldn't quite make out. It was a great contrast to the bright colors he'd been wearing a few moments beforehand and as I was looking him over he looked up from his portable screen and raised an eyebrow at me a small smirk appearing on his face.

"You like what you see, freckles?"

To his credit, I felt my face heat momentarily at the question, but instead I scoffed, "You wish"

His smirk broadened, and he shrugged, "Little bit"

My eyes narrowed. I wanted to open my mouth and say something else, but I could tell from the look on his face that if I did, we would be here all night, equally stubborn and equally willing to push buttons. My earlier assessment was totally correct; I'd definitely end up finding him at a bar. Instead, I dragged my gaze away from him.

"Tony," Bruce looked disgustedly at his friend, and Natasha rolled her eyes.

Interesting. So this kind of flirtation was normal for him, and Natasha looked as if she had once been on the receiving end of it. Steve had his back to me, a cellphone up to his ear, but Stephen was looking at Tony with the deepest disdain. It wasn't unlike the look he'd given many surgeons I'd seen him work with, ones he was miles better than, but this was definitely special hate reserved just for Tony.

"The car won't be necessary, Mr Stark," Stephen said as he lifted his hands and began to make a circle in the air with one of them.

The circle that appeared was the same as the one I'd seen appear when he took the gun away from my head but this one was much bigger, big enough for us to step through and when I looked through it I could see a huge grey building in the middle of a field surrounded by trees and other smaller buildings. I frowned.

"When did you get magic?" I asked, completely forgetting my earlier decision to ignore him.

"I was taught the mystic arts when I sought healing for my hands" Stephen replied as everyone began filing through, when I moved to follow them he spoke again, "I know you hate me, Freya, but things are going on that you don't know anything about, dangerous things" My mouth was dry as I looked up at him, this was barely the Stephen I remembered, "Be careful" I nodded and stepped through the circle, "I'll be in touch" He added before he and the circle completely disappeared.

*****************************************

"I'll feel better if you eat something," Steve said to me for the third time.

"Is he always this overbearing?"

There was a chorus of "Yes"

Steve sighed, the sigh of a man who is constantly trying to take care of people who don't listen to him. He was just as Bucky had always described him, always caring for everyone else. He pushed the plate of pizza across the table toward me again, and this time, for Bucky, I picked up a piece and took a bite. It would have been delicious if thinking of Bucky all alone and at the mercy of Hydra didn’t make me feel so ill. The food churned in my stomach, and I wanted to vomit.

"So," Steve said as I ate, "How long have you known Bucky?"

"Most of my life, Hydra took me when I was ten, and I didn’t meet Bucky properly for a long time. When I did, Bucky was their henchman who forced me into the mind-bending machine"

"Into the what?" His brow furrowed.

There was something about Steve that disarmed my defenses and made me want to tell him, maybe it was because it was the closest link I had to Bucky, "The machine scrambles your brain, puts it in a blender" I shivered at the memory, "It's what they use on Bucky to make sure he forgets everything, when he started to remember they would put him back into the machine over and over again to brainwash him, his screams" I shook my head as if it was make the memory go away, "The machine didn't work on me, it just hurt"

"But you said Bucky remembered me, and he obviously remembered you, too"

I finished the slice of pizza with great difficulty. "We weren't always friends, but when we began to work together, Hydra sought to exploit the bond between us, and it worked; it kept me in check because if I didn't listen, they would scramble his mind, and I'd be alone again, and if he did anything, they would hurt me"

"Hurt you?" Steve asked sharply.

I gave him a sad smile, "You and I are both versions of super soldiers, Steve. We can heal fast and endure a lot, but it still hurts, and it was preferable to them hurting Bucky"

"You sound Scottish?" Steve continued, and I was glad for the change of subject.

I gave him the first small genuine smile since they had taken me, "I was brought up for ten years in the Scottish countryside, I assume I am at least partially Scottish"

"Any family left?"

I put down the piece of pizza I'd picked up, "No"

"Sorry," Steve added, "I didn't mean to interrogate you"

"I'm a threat, I get it, but I just want to save Bucky, and then you'll never have to see me again" I stood to my feet, pushing my chair in as I turned away from the table.

"What if Bucky wants to stay here?" Steve asked, I was glad my back was to him because it was a question I'd asked myself, and I didn't want my face to betray my answer.

"As long as he's safe where ever he chooses to go is up to him" I began to walk away, "I'm taking a walk" The truth was if Bucky chose to stay here then I wasn’t sure what I would do, I couldn’t face the idea of being apart from him by choice.

***********************************************

The building was the same plain greys and whites on the inside as it was on the outside, clinical and professional and as I wandered the halls I wondered if I'd just traded one prison for another one, I was certain I wouldn't be able to find my way back to the main room we'd been eating and conversing in which was fine with me. I wanted to blast the walls out and bring this place to the ground, but that wouldn't help me find Bucky. If anything, it would make it more difficult.

"Lost, freckles?" Tony's voice made me spin around. I'd been so deep in thought I hadn't even seen him, he was leaning in a doorway with his eyebrows raised and arms crossed.

"Hoping I'd find the back door out of here," I lied.

"There isn't one, and even if there was, Jarvis would have alerted me before you could get very far"

"Who is Jarvis?"

"A pleasure to meet you Ma'am" The voice came out of everywhere and nowhere, "I am an artificial intelligence program created by Mr Stark"

"You were so bad at making friends that you had to literally build one?" I gave him a pitying look.

The sides of his lips quirked slightly before he could control them, "What makes you think I don't have any friends?" He replied.

"Because you're down here by yourself with an AI you created while everyone else is in a different room conversing"

"Maybe I like being alone"

I scoffed, "Men like you never like being alone, you like to be worshipped"

"Are you offering?"

"I dare say you have enough women on tap" The air was getting too warm. "What are you doing down here anyway?"

He moved back against the door, but not out of the doorway and gestured for me to take a look. The way he positioned himself was purposeful, so I'd have to brush past him to enter the room. His cologne hit me as I entered, he smelt like smokey leather, scotch and sweat, and it was only as I moved past him that I noticed the smudges of oil and dirt on his face and hands, my arm brushed briefly against his chest and I looked away from him so I couldn't see the smugness I knew was shining in his eyes. Instead, I focused on what was in front of me, a medium-sized room filled with machines, metal, and more iron suits. In the middle of the room was a desk with several computer screens and what looked like holographic images of a map and more metal suits. Did he make these himself?

"You make the metal suits you wear" It wasn't a question as I walked forward with curious wonder, "So you're an engineer?" I would not have guessed that at all. Men like Tony usually had someone else do everything for them.

"Among other things," He affirmed, the door clicking shut behind him.

"This map?" I questioned as I approached it, there was a small red dot blinking on it.

I felt Tony beside me, he reached out and turned the map with his hands in the air and then moved his hands apart making it grow bigger between us so that I could see exactly what was on it, "This is where we found you" He indicated to the flashing red dot, "It's the last place we know Bucky was, there's no leads, Freckles"

"Your explosions wont have destroyed his chamber" I said out loud as if speaking it out loud might make it true.

Before either of us could speak again, the voice I'd heard before spoke from around us, "Sir, Ms Potts has made her way to the party already. If you do not leave soon, you will be late"

"Jarvis, when am I ever on time to my own parties?"

"Never, sir. Am I too assume you will be fashionably late then?"

Tony's eyes were hazel in the bright light of the workshop, and they lingered on me for a moment. I found I couldn't help but look back, "If you weren't some crazy magic-using Witch, I'd ask you to be my plus one"

I huffed a laugh, "Calling me a crazy Witch and assuming I'd ever want to go to a party with you, are you this bad with all women or just the ones you're afraid of?" He smirked despite the jab.

"I'm not afraid of you, sweetheart" His eyes were dancing.

I leaned forward ever so slightly so that our bodies were almost touching, the smirk on his lips faltered and his eyes flickered from my eyes to my lips and back up so fast that I almost didn't see it. How could he possibly think I would ever kiss him?

"Well," I said softly, "You should be" Then I turned and stalked out the door.

Chapter Text

Tony's POV

I stared at the door long after she'd gone, the lingering feeling of excitement swirling around in my chest making it tight and almost painful. The way she had leaned toward me had really caught me off guard, and the glance at her lips, what was I thinking? She had somehow outplayed me, and that never happened. I played women, they didn't play me, and they sure as hell didn't catch me off guard. Biting my lip, I turned back to the holograms.

"Jarvis, I want a full background check on our Witchy guest"

"But sir, you're already running la-"

"Now, Jarvis," I responded dismissively.

The event tonight wasn't hugely important. I only had to appear to appease Pepper because everyone else seemed to understand that I had bigger things to do and issues to contend with, and living the two lives only made it more difficult. Or maybe that was just an excuse to avoid Pepper after our kiss, or after she kissed me, I knew it was coming, and it made sense for us to fall into each other like this, it felt natural bu-

"Check completed, Sir," Jarvis's voice cut through my thoughts.

"Show me"

"Ms Freya, there is no recorded last name and no name lodged for her parents or younger sibling; the entire family is recorded to have perished in a house fire," Jarvis spoke as I flicked through the impossibly small file.

"There's nothing about her after this?"

"No, Sir, to the world she is dead" Hydra must have taken her after this house fire, probably for her powers, but how did they know about her? "There is a small excerpt of footage, Sir. Would you like to see it?"

"Pull it up," I muttered.

The footage was of terrible quality and looked like it had been taken from a bodycam; it showed the house untouched as whoever the camera was attached to snuck up to a window and peered inside. The lights were on, and at the table was a small family. Freya was easy to pick out; her eyes shone the brightest green I'd ever seen, clearly inherited from her father, who sat next to her. Her mother and younger brothers had their backs facing the window, and the camera suddenly ducked down into darkness.

"That's her," Said a hushed voice, "If we light the fire, she'll have to use her powers to save them, then we'll grab her and run"

Silence followed this information as the body cam moved once again, this time to walk the perimeter of the house. I could hear the sound of dripping water and the sloshing of the container that held it, likely gasoline or some other flammable liquid that they were dousing the wooden house with. I cringed but kept watching, desperate to know what other information I could glean about her from this footage. A few moments of silence passed before there was the scraping of a match, and a flame lit up the screen and holding the match was a metal hand.

 

Freya's POV

I didn't sleep all night; instead, I sat outside on a high balcony and stared at the dark sky until it began to lighten and birds began singing their morning tunes. There had been no night watch to ensure I didn't leave, which meant that Tony's AI friend was as capable as he claimed. I couldn't spot any security cameras, but I was sure there would be one trained on me somewhere; they probably took turns watching it. The truth was, I could leave whenever I wanted. I was certain that my powers were too formidable for them, and if I made my way through civilian territory, there was little chance they'd engage me. I spent all night dreaming up scenarios where I ran away into the night and hunted for Bucky by myself, and when I found him, I completely annihilated every single Hydra agent I came across, painting the base red.
The sun began to peek over the horizon, and I was so lost in thought that I didn't hear the approaching footprints until a figure landed right in front of me, and I almost toppled off my chair. I corrected myself quickly and jumped back to my feet, my power thrashing out around me. But when I saw him, I paused and frowned, my power stilled. He couldn't have been much older than 16, if he was even that old, he had sandy brown hair and dark brown eyes set in his clear, smooth face, he looked just as confused as I did and held up a single hand as his face became apologetic.

"I'm so sorry, I had no idea anyone was up here, and I'm running late to meet Mr Stark. I'm Peter, by the way, and I don't think I've ever met you before. Are you an Avenger too?" The words fell out of his mouth so quickly that I almost didn't register them all.

"Am I what?" That was all I managed to reply.

"An Avenger, Earth's mightiest heroes?" He let out an awkward chuckle.

"I'm not a hero," I brushed myself off, now wide awake, "You're here to see Tony?"

"Yeah, he's trialling a new suit for me or something like that, I think" As he moved to walk past me, the backpack on his back jingled as if it was filled with metal. "I didn't catch your name," He said, looking back at me.

I gave him a half-smile, "It's Freya"

"Nice to meet you, Freya"

"You too, Peter"

He disappeared through the glass door and made his way quickly down the descending staircase to his right. Soon, his head bobbed out of sight, and I was left with nothing but the morning air and the rising sun. My stomach grumbled, and I sighed. My breath came out in a puff of smoke. I was hungry, and if I had to stay here until we had a lead on Bucky's whereabouts, then I may as well eat something, if I could find the kitchen again. I stepped inside the door and looked at the steps. I'd come upstairs to find this balcony last night, so I should probably go downstairs to get back. My stomach grumbled again. I should have eaten that pizza Steve offered me after all.
It took 10 minutes for me to find the kitchen again, and I was happy that when I did finally stumble upon it, it was void of any Avengers. I was too hungry to deal with small talk right now or go through any more questions about myself and my background. I yanked the fridge open, hoping to find any unfinished pizza and was instead greeted with a fully stocked fridge. Much to my surprise, they didn't strike me as the kind of people who bothered cooking anything. It had been many years since I'd cooked anything. During my brief escape from Hydra, I'd discovered a love of cooking and done so almost every day; it calmed me and made me feel normal, plus it allowed me to use my powers freely.
I felt like pancakes, but I wasn't sure I could even remember how to make them, and it all seemed so trivial, making food while Bucky was suffering, but hadn't I done it before? I'd lived an entire life while he was suffering alone at the hands of Hydra for over a year. I felt sick again, sick with guilt and shame that I was here free while he was in pain, locked up. I couldn’t bring myself to eat anymore.

"You used to enjoy cooking" A familiar voice echoed across the kitchen, and I shut the fridge door faster than I'd opened it, my appetite gone.

"I used to enjoy a lot of things," I replied blankly, staring at the bleak whiteness of the fridge exterior.

"Have you eaten?" Stephen asked tentatively.

"What do you want?"

I turned away from the fridge to face him. He was standing on the far side of the middle island, his eyes watching me closely, still dressed in the ridiculous outfit he'd worn yesterday when I'd met him. Rage coursed through me, but I tried to ignore it. If we got into a fight here in this building, I couldn't guarantee their continued help to find Bucky. Judging by his tired eyes, I wasn't the only one who hadn't slept last night.

"I came to check on you" His eyes softened; he was telling the truth.

"I assume if I'd run away, you'd be notified; you don't need to check on me"

He sucked in a breath, exasperated again, "Fine, I wanted to check on you"

"Well, don't," I said through gritted teeth.

"Freya, I'm sorry," And he looked like he truly meant it too.

I sighed, "Stephen, this conversation is pointless. What is there to gain from it? You apologised and I can't forgive you, that's the end"

He blinked and looked away from me as if the reality of unforgiveness was too painful for him to accept. I opened my mouth to say something else, to tell him to get out, to yell at him that I never wanted to see him again, but nothing came out, nothing but a small surprised gasp and then searing pain in my stomach. I gripped the area of pain and held it tight as if squeezing would take the feeling of pain away, and I still couldn't seem to take in any air, and to top it all off, Stephen was looking at me again, and his face was contorted with concern.

"Freya?"

I needed to play this off to smile at him and pretend I was fine, but I couldn't breathe, and I was sure my lips were turning blue and my facial expressions were betraying me because he started forward and managed to grab me just before I fell to the ground like a sack of potatoes. Then, as if it had never happened, the pain went away, and I drew in the longest and sharpest breath of my entire life. Oxygen filled my lungs, and the panic began to subside, replaced with embarrassment and fury at Stephen for being present for one of my attacks. I shoved him off me, he still smelt like the earth, forest pines, and wood and as he flew away from me so did that familiar cologne.

"What the hell was that?" He demanded.

"It's none of your business," I hissed back, leaning against the bench as my body adjusted to normality.

"You looked as if you were about to drop dead in the kitchen, Freya. I think that merits it my business"

"Nothing to do with me is your business, Stephen"

"Jarvis, how many times do I have to tell you to stop letting Professor Snape into HQ?" Tony's voice echoed over to us, drawing our gazes to him and Pete,r who stood beside him.

"Tony, can you get him out of here?" I huffed, still catching my breath.

"You look terrible, Freckles," Tony added, frowning over at me and then moving closer with Peter in tow.

I rolled my eyes, "I'm fine, and the last thing I need is both of you in here pissing me off with stupid questions" I turned away from them all. I wanted to punch something.

"Why did you almost die just now?" Stephen asked again, his eyes were wide with shock, his breathing still slightly laboured, I could just see him past Tony, who was examining my face.

“Because you’re so boring and overbearing, your mere presence almost killed me,” I snapped back.

"Did you sleep last night?" Tony asked, and I returned my attention to him; his dark eyes held none of their former humor.

"Did you?" I countered, sounding like a bratty teenager.

His lips twitched, "You can't die in this kitchen, Freckles. It costs a lot of money" After a moment of silence, he added, "You can tell me what happened, or I can get the camera footage from Jarvis"

"Why does it matter? I'm fine. Why are you guys interrogating me?” Panic was slowly rising in my body.

"You're still a threat," Tony said as our eyes met.

He was right. I was a guest here and still someone they didn't know. I was a threat to them, and now I had the choice to either come clean or lie to them. Either way, I knew Tony would watch the footage because he was an insufferable know-it-all just like Stephen. Truthfully, it was the only aspect of my powers that I hadn't confided in Stephen, mainly because I hadn't gotten the chance, but also because it was the most harrowing and disturbing; only Bucky knew aside from Hydra, and I hated that now to help find him, I was forced to confide in these people that I barely knew. I wanted to hide in a corner, in a closet, in my chamber. I wanted to go back to my chamber and sleep until I could wake up with him next to me again.

"You can just put me back to sleep," I said sharply.

"What?" Tony gave me a confused look.

"Back to sleep, in the Cryostasis Chamber, then I'm not a threat, and none of you have to worry”

"What's a Cryostasis Chamber?" Peter asked.

"It's a chamber that puts me into suspended animation. If you put me back in it, then you can just wake me up when you've located Bucky, and I’ll help”

I couldn't believe the words coming out of my mouth I'd spent years of my life trying to get away from Hydra and out of that chamber but now faced with these people and having to tell my secrets and try to function socially I just wanted to crawl back into it and sleep even if it meant dreaming of my family's death over and over again, at least it was familiar. At least it was safe. I could trust the chamber. I could feel my heartbeat accelerating as my breathing quickened, and Peter must have sensed it too because he reached out then and put a hand on my shoulder.

"I know you don't know us, Miss, but I know Mr Stark and Doctor Strange, they've saved me heaps of times, and I'm sure if you just tell them what's wrong, they can save you too," Peter said and I found myself looking up at him, he was being truthful and honest, he trusted them.

I blinked back the burning in my eyes, "I can't be saved, my powers, they aren't normal" I looked past them to Stephen, who was still watching me intently, "Hydra called me a soulkeeper" My mind screamed at me to shut up.

"Soulkeeper? Original" Tony remarked, and I gave him a withering look.

"Because Ironman is so original," Stephen retorted.

"You're a Wizard and your last name is Strange, I don't think you have a leg to stand on, Dumbledore"

"Haven't we worn out the juvenile Harry Potter jokes yet? How old are you?"

"Guys!" Peter interrupted.

I sighed, "I harvest souls"

Stephen's frown deepened, "Like, from the afterlife?" He asked

"No, souls that have passed on are useless to me; they have to come from living people"

"You steal people's souls?" Peter asked.

I bit my lip, "Hydra used me to steal souls from people, yes, living people"

"So in the kitchen, you just stole someone's soul?" Stephen sounded disgusted now, and the tone of his voice reminded me of when I'd told him of my powers the first time.

"I didn't steal it," I said defensively, "My body is like a beacon; if someone dies close by, they can choose to be absorbed into me"

"But that doesn't explain wh-" Stephen began.

"You experience their death," Tony said. It wasn't a question.

Our eyes locked again. "Yes, the trade off is that I feel their death when I absorb them; if a soul chooses me, I can't reject them"

"But when I knew you, you healed people, right? You didn't take their souls," I could tell from Stephen's face that he was having a difficult time processing the information.

"Yes, I can heal people from most injuries. I don't know how the power works, I just know what I can and can't do. I never wanted to take souls, it's not as if it's enjoyable for me, it's horrible and painful"

I was still looking at Tony when he replied, "We aren't locking you back inside that chamber"

"Is that why you never liked going out with me anywhere?" Stephen asked, and I almost laughed at the question.

"Seriously? That's your burning question?” I seethed, “Bucky is out there being tortured, and you care about why I didn’t go out with you anywhere?”

"Well, this is awkward," Tony muttered to Peter, who looked infinitely confused.

"I didn't spend time with you because I felt guilty for being close to you as it was, it should never have happened, while I was spending time with you and playing happy Doctors, Bucky was being brought to edge of death and back over and over” I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, “I wish I’d never left him, then and now”

"Ouch," Tony breathed.

For once I was glad when my stomach grumbled loudly.

**********************************************

"You can use the kitchen whenever you want," Natasha said as we ate across from each other. She'd been sent out for takeaways and come back with a pretty spectacular burrito bowl. I was picking at it.

"So tell me, you and the sorcerer.." She trailed off, leaving the question unfinished.

"Were nothing"

"Hey, I'm not gathering intel, I'm just shamelessly nosey," She admitted, shoving a forkful of food into her mouth, and I tried not to smile at her honesty.

"It was a long time ago," I replied, finally pushing food around with my fork, "It just happened organically, I guess"

"So you guys were a thing? I can't imagine anyone more boring than Stephen Strange"

"We weren’t a thing, we kissed one time, and I don't know what he's like now, but he was charming then in an arrogant sort of way, it helped me stay grounded," I admitted, "I thought I could trust him, and so I did. I was an idiot"

"You were a young woman who had been abused, tortured, and used your entire life. I'd be surprised if your first romance wasn't toxic," Natasha said, her bright blue eyes watching me curiously.

"When things were good, they were wonderful, and they often were, until he turned me back over to Hydra" I gave her a small smile, "I can't trust him, not even now that he has magic"

A loud crash sent us jumping from our seats and readying ourselves for battle side by side. It was a weird sensation to be standing next to someone ready to fight, and that someone wasn't Bucky. It made me long to see him again, to save him. Across the dining space, the elevator door had been bashed open, a huge smoking, gaping hole that rendered it completely useless, and from that hole emerged the tallest man I'd ever seen. Describing him as a mere human man didn't do him justice; he strode across the space between us with laughable ease, and beside me, Natasha seemed to relax slightly. He must be someone familiar to her, another Avenger? Though he was dressed in a plain shirt, jeans, and a hoodie, there was no mistaking the ripples of power that crackled off him. At his side, gripped tightly in his hand was a giant hammer, unlike anything I'd ever seen before; it too thrummed with power. He lifted the giant hammer and pointed it at me.

"Astralis, why have you come here?"

His voice made the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. There was an authority to it that surprised me as I surveyed his dirty blonde, long hair and dazzling blue eyes.

"Sorry, who?" I replied, he was looking right at me, so there was no mistake, he meant me, but I'd never heard that name before.

"Do not play games with me, soul hoarder. Why have you come to Midgard?"

He was starting to get on my nerves, "Midgard? Wha-"

"He means earth," Nat chimed in, which didn't help clear up much confusion at all.

"My name is Freya, I've lived on earth my entire life"

He chuckled, but there was no humour in his eyes, "You might have these puny humans fooled, but I see you for who you really are," and with that, his hammer came hurtling toward me.

I managed to fling myself out of the way with relative ease as the hammer soared back to his still outstretched hand. It could be thrown and recalled at will, it seemed, but that didn't explain the foreboding feeling of power coiled up like a spring inside it. Surely, he wouldn't use the power in here, where something could be broken. When the hammer was almost at his fingertips, my invisible power lashed out, hitting him in the back of the legs and causing him to stumble. As he did so, the hammer struck him in the chest, causing him to stumble back into the wall, which resulted in a sizeable dent. This guy wasn't just big and powerful; he wasn't human. His eyes narrowed, and I knew then that he had absolutely no qualms about ruining this kitchen. He swung the hammer toward me, but this time didn't let go, and just as I had anticipated, raw power arched at me, lighting up the entire room. Blue lightning-fast and deadly arched toward me, and I had almost no time to react, certainly no time to move. Instead, instinctually, my power surged forward, not invisible but so silver it was almost white and connected with the lightning a mere meter from my face. A blinding light erupted from the connection, causing me to squint, and then, as if I were watching a movie, the kitchen and fight faded away and were replaced with a memory:

 

[Flashback]

"Odin, I cannot stay. I have imposed on your hospitality for far too long. I must create a life for myself away from Asgard" My father's face came into view, though it was much younger than I remembered; his eyes were unchanging, and my heart ached.

"You know you can stay here as long as you need, Neorth, be that another day or forever," The man in front of him replied. He looked older than my Father and was sporting a full white beard and long white hair that reached the back of his neck.

"Where will you go?" I knew that voice, too.

Past them stood the man I'd just met, but his hair was long and blonde, his face youthful, and instead of regular human clothing, he was adorned with beautiful silver armour and a long crimson cape, which reminded me of Stephen.

"Midgard," Neorth replied, "No one will find me there"

Odin chuckled, "The most boring planet in the Nine Realms"

Neorth smiled, and I wished I could remember the way it looked forever, but before I could commit it to memory, the vision began to crumple apart, first flickering and then dropping away like tiles falling into space. I could hear my name being called, but everything felt hot. The darkness burst into light, and my eyes were open again and burning from the intense power all around me, I tried to draw it back in, but it wouldn't come, tried to pull it back into myself as my breathing began to labour.

 

"Freckles!" My head snapped to the side. It was Tony in his Iron suit, withstanding the glare of my power, "You need to stop"

I opened my mouth to talk, but no sound came out. I needed to focus on something, but before I could, the metal hammer came flying toward me and slammed into my chest, sending me skidding back across the tiled ground and into the wall behind me. My power snapped out immediately as I tried to suck in a breath of air, and the hammer fell onto the ground next to me. Tony was in front of me a few moments later, the helmet of his suit receding as he knelt to check me over. His fingers were warm against my skin as he lifted my face and looked into each of my eyes.

"Where did that memory come from? What trickery is this?" The large man demanded.

"Thor, calm down," Nat said, but he pushed past her.

"She uses the power of Astralis, but yet claims she is not her," Thor spat, he was pacing now.

I pushed myself into a sitting position, certain from the pain that rolled off my chest that several ribs were broken by that stupid hammer.

"That memory wasn't mine," My eyes met Thor's, "Neorth was my Father"

"Was?" Thor questioned.

"He died a long time ago"

"I don't remember Neorth having any children," Thor muttered.

"I don't think he would have sent you a postcard about it"

"Okay, as heartwarming as this is," Tony said, his eyes on the hammer between us, "You’re bleeding all over the kitchen floor, and if you stand here doing it any longer, I'm either going to have to charge you or make you clean it up"

**************************************

Tony sat on the coffee table in front of me, and I sat on the couch with my arm outstretched in his lap as he dabbed my cuts with alcohol wipes and cleaned up the blood. He was doing a terrible job, which made me wonder if he'd ever played nurse before.

"I could do that better myself," I said out loud, finally, and he looked up at me through his eyelashes, his brown eyes soft in the dim light.

"Plenty of women would kill to have me be their nurse," Tony said, the usual playful tone back in his voice.

"They've obviously never actually seen you play nurse," I retorted, earning me one of his signature smirks as he looked back down at my arm.

He chuckled, "There are other roles they'd rather see me play, Freckles"

Tony was undeniably handsome, dangerously so in fact, and the last thing I needed to distract me right now was a shameless flirt who could probably talk his way into absolutely any pair of pants he wanted. Or maybe that was the distraction I needed, I wondered as our eyes remained locked across the space between us. He didn't strike me as the kind of guy to catch feelings.

"Are you like this with all your female colleagues as well?" I asked as his fingers brushed across my wrist; there were no scars there.

He shook his head, "Too complicated, but I'm willing to make an exception"

It was my turn to laugh, and it was a breathy and pathetic thing; I hadn't realised how much closer we had managed to migrate toward each other. I could smell his cologne again, scotch and smoky leather. I breathed it in despite my better judgment. This was dangerous, and surely it was because I'd drained myself by using my powers. I was about to open my mouth and say something completely damning, but the fizzing of a familiar orange portal snatched my attention.
Stephen Strange stepped out of the portal, and his storm-cloud eyes swirled as he looked from Tony to me and then down at my arm intertwined with his hands. I didn't bother snatching it back because that would be even more damning evidence against us. I felt Tony's fingers run along the soft skin there, and I knew he wasn't doing it to wipe away any blood now. I fought the heating in my cheeks.

Stephen's eyes met mine finally, "I need you to come with me," He said.

Chapter Text

The machine stopped, and the pain eased. My eyes flickered open, burning from the sweat pouring into them from my forehead. I could barely see straight. The black-clad man no longer held me; he didn't need to. I could barely move my limbs, and even if I could, my brain was foggy. My body felt heavier than usual, as if during the chaos something had settled into it. I felt different, strange, as if I wasn't completely myself.
Finally, I looked in front of me, and a young woman knelt there, gagged and bound, her copper eyes wide with fear as she looked at me, begging for help that I couldn't give. The blue-eyed man moved forward, making it to her with two of his giant strides. There was a knife in his hand, and he held it tightly without shaking or moving as if waiting for a command.

"Kill her," A voice said next to me and before I could scream in protest, he slit her throat.

There was blood everywhere; it flowed down onto her clothes, but I didn't watch the torrent of red; instead, my eyes were fixed on hers, unable to look away as I watched her slowly die before my eyes, and just when I thought the worst was over, pain began to radiate across my own neck. Sharp, deep pain followed by an unsettling warmth, I tried to scream, but only a whimper came out as I sat there unable to breathe. I was dying.

Visions flashed in front of my eyes, small blonde-haired children with brilliant blue eyes playing on swing sets, their laughter ringing in my ears, and just when I thought I might pass out again from the pain, fear, and confusion, it all ended as abruptly as it began, and I sucked in mouthfuls of air.
Something settled within my spirit, something heavy and dark.

************************************************************

"What do you want, Stephen?" I asked as we wandered the dark, depressing rows of books

Because he hadn't actually bothered to tell me yet, all he had done was stare broodingly at Tony as we untangled our arms, and I stood up, I wouldn't have followed Stephen at all if I'd known we were just going to be walking together for the next 10 minutes. He seemed to be thinking deeply about something, and when he finally came to a stop, I found myself almost toppling into his back for the second time since we'd reunited.

"Aren't you going to get in trouble with the Avengers for taking me out of HQ?"

"I don't answer to the Avengers," He said.

"Don't play well with other superheroes?" I asked, willing to ease the tension in the room.

He scoffed, "I'm not a superhero, I'm a Sorcerer"

"Have you or have you not saved the world?"

"Yes bu-"

"If someone was screaming outside, would you or would you not help them?"

"Of course I wo-"

"You're a superhero, and believe me, I take no pleasure in saying it"

He raised his eyebrows in frustration at my questionable analysis, "So you wouldn't help suffering people?"

I ran my index finger over the last spine and let my hand drop to my side, "I've never saved the world"

"That's not an answer," He countered.

"Depends on the person," I relented, "Loo,k are we going to cut to the chase here or what? What do you want from me?"

His storm-cloud eyes watched me for a few silent moments before he spoke again, his voice back to its usual seriousness, "It's you, I want more information about you"

"About me?" I parroted incredulously, "What about me?"

"After your kitchen outburst, I remembered some information from the tombs I've studied in this library. At the time, I thought it was just more tall tales; some of these books are full of them" A book appeared in his hand as if it had always been there.

"How can you possibly remember a random piece of information you read ages ago?"

He dropped the book to the desk and flipped it open without touching it, "I have a photographic memory," He replied, deep in thought as he searched each page. "Comes in handy, ah, here" He reached out and pointed at a page, and I came closer, leaning over the desk to look.

"I didn't realise you had a photographic memory," I said softly, and I felt him glance sideways at me.

On the page was a marble blue planet, many different shades of blue surrounded by an uncountable amount of stars, and underneath it in beautiful, aged calligraphy was a single word, Valen. I frowned as I read it. It looked as if it were the name of the planet, but I'd never heard of a planet named Valen or ever learned of a planet that was these hundred shades of blue all at once. He noticed my confusion, and with the nudge of his finger, the page turned to reveal letters in a language I did not know. As I watched, they rearranged themselves until I could read them clearly:

Planet Valen
Home to Princess Astralis,
Daughter of the Stars and Keeper of Souls,
Great protector of our home.

Below the writing was a picture of a lady with hair so blonde it was almost white; toward her floated clouds of silver and blue, likely meant to resemble souls that she welcomed to her with arms spread open wide as if she were hugging them tightly. Her eyes were closed, and there was a small, contented smile on her face that made me feel sick.

"I have no idea who Astralis is," I said flatly.

"Neither do I" The book slammed shut and disappeared, "But you absorb souls, and so does she"

I shook my head before he finished, "It's not the same. She looked happy when she was absorbing those souls. If we were the same, she wouldn't be smiling about it, would she?"

"Does it always hurt you?" He questioned as if he had assumed soul absorption could occasionally be enjoyable.

I looked away from his prying eyes, "I can forcefully absorb people, have done many times, I rip their soul from their body and it becomes mine and that method is less painful" Astralis did not look as if she had forcefully taken any of the souls embracing her, "But when people die and choose to come to me and be absorbed I feel every moment of their death, as you know, occasionally even their final memories, what more information do you want, Stephen?"

“I.. I”m sorry,” He said, and his voice was so gentle that I turned to look at him, and when I met his eyes, he truly did look sorry; in fact, his eyes almost looked glossy. We stared at each other like that for a long while as if time itself stood still.

"She's just saying things we already know" Tony's voice cut through me like a knife, and the surprise I felt had me taking several steps back into the closest bookcase. Several ancient books crashed to the floor. "What more information did you expect from her?"

I wasn't sure why I felt so betrayed. When I had followed Stephen, I hadn't even considered that his inviting me away could be a deception in order to learn more about me and my powers; after all, he had betrayed me once before. Tony’s flirting had caught me off guard and made me lower my walls. I was an idiot. But even now, as I glanced at him, he did not look like a man who had just succeeded in having me spill all of my greatest secrets to the world; if anything, he looked at Tony with great disdain. How had he even gotten here so quickly with his Ironsuit nowhere to be seen?

"Please leave this Sanctum, you've defiled it enough," Stephen said, his voice clipped.

"You're so predictable, Strange," Tony said, leaning against the desk I'd just been beside.

"And you, Stark, are testing my patience"

I could feel panic rising from my core as I looked between them, unsure who to trust and desperate for some light or some fresh air, for anything, Desperate even for the familiarity of the cave they had plucked me from, to be near Bucky, the only person I knew and who knew me and accepted me for who I was. My skin began to prickle and, as if he could sense it, Stephen's eyes snapped to mine, and I could see my reflection in them, caught like a caged Lion in the corner of this library and still not fully recovered from my interaction with Thor.

"Tony, now is not the time for your theatrics," Stephen pressed, his voice hard.

"On the contrary, this place needs some lighting up; it's like a cave in here"

Like a cave.
I could feel myself slowly but surely losing control as my breathing became more and more laboured. Now they were both looking at me and speaking to me, but I couldn't hear them; all I could hear was the rushing in my ears. My power exploded from me, invisible tendrils snaking out faster than I could comprehend and slapping themselves hard against Tony and Stephen, latching on and feeding into their subconscious.

Tony's face, laughing and joking.
An explosion and pain.
The deaths of loved ones.
The feeling of being powerless and useless
The deep desire to protect.

I pulled back from him, knowing that seeing memories meant that I was digging deeper toward his core, and I didn't want to go there.

Stephen's face, serious and focused.
A car crash and searing pain in my fingers.
Fear, sadness, and regret.
Crippling loneliness and resentment.
The desire for knowledge.
The regret and guilt for hurting me.

"Freya!" Suddenly, I was flying back and landed in a heap on the floor, my mind racing and my stomach turning in knots; I was definitely going to vomit.

Steve stood where I had been standing, and he looked panicked and concerned. Behind him, Tony and Stephen were standing back on their feet and rubbing the sides of their heads. I had to get out of here, now.

Tony's POV:

There was fire everywhere and endless screaming; my head was pounding. What the hell was this? It wasn't the Sanctum anymore, and even though there was fire everywhere, it didn't feel hot. I just felt scared and afraid, filled with a deep fear that wasn't mine.
It was then that I saw a family huddled together underneath a kitchen counter, parents and a little boy and just as I reached out a hand toward them, everything went up in flames.

Air-filled my lungs at an alarming rate. My breathing laboured as I stood doubled over on the desk, gripping it so tight my knuckles were white. Steve was in front of me, and the girl was sprawled on the floo,r backing up into the corner. What the hell just happened? That was her family I saw, wasn't it? But she didn't know about the footage I'd seen or that I even knew what her family looked like.

"Are you okay?" Steve was asking her, but if she heard him, she didn't let on; her eyes were wide and impossibly green, looking between me and the Wizard.

"What was that?" The Wizard asked, rubbing his temples as if his head ached as much as mine.

She didn't respond right away, but when she did, her voice was shaking, very different to the confident girl who had back-talked me in my workshop two days ago, "It's the beginning of the absorption process," She replied, guilt lining her face, "I sift through memories to find information"

I shook my head, "Then how come I saw a burning house?"

"You saw what?" Her face turned white as snow. I tried to ignore the satisfaction I'd feel if she vomited on the Sanctum floor.

"I saw it too," The Wizard added, "A burning house with a family inside"

She pulled herself to her feet with difficulty, "Something must have gone wrong" She spoke more to herself than us, "I didn't want to complete the absorption; instead, I must have opened some kind of connection" She looked back over at us again, her eyes locking onto mine, and it took all my effort to not look away.

Needless to say, she was attractive, all dark hair and bright green eyes, naturally pretty features, full cheeks, and a smoking body; if she hadn't been a psychotic Witch we rescued from a Hydra base, I probably would have slept with her already. Or at least tried to, if I was honest, I was still considering it. I'd known Stephen was bringing her here, and I just couldn't stand the idea of him extracting information and keeping it from us like he always did, so I'd flown here as fast as I could.

"I'm so sorry," She said gently, and she sounded like she truly meant it, which totally ruined my less-than-savoury thoughts.

"It's okay," Steve was saying, "You've been through a lot."

He reached out and touched her shoulder, and I found myself envying how easily he reached out to people to comfort and care for them, how trustworthy and dependable he was. It all came so easily to him, and even though she had only recently met us, the way she looked up at him was unguarded and vulnerable. I looked away then, unable to stomach the emotion, knowing that no one, especially a woman, would ever look up at me that way, and I didn't want them to, didn't need them to. The vulnerability only makes you weak, and so instead of saying or doing anything, I turned around and walked out.

Freya's POV:

With Tony gone, I felt like I could finally breathe again, something I found surprisingly difficult underneath his dark gaze. Steve's hand gripped my shoulder, and while I knew it was meant to be a gesture that provided comfort, I found little there, and not for the first time, I wished I were back in that cave with Bucky, preparing for our next mission. Taking orders and killing people was easy and simple; it didn't require feelings or my own personal convictions and morals. I didn't have to think about anything, I just had to do as I was told, and I realised now, as Steve looked down at me, that I just wished he would order me to do something.

"Sit down," Stephen said from behind him, gesturing to a chair that I was positive hadn't been there a few moments ago.

His voice was gentle enough to be kind but had enough authority that the order gave me great relief as I slumped down in the chair and ran my fingers through my hair, pushing it out of my face.

"I'm sorry," I repeated lamely.

"You don't have to apologise for anything, Tony ambushed you, this is on him," Steve replied evenly.

He was right, of course. Tony's coming out of nowhere had freaked me out, and for a moment, I'd truly believed I'd been betrayed again just as I'd convinced myself to be vulnerable with Stephen Strange. But now that I had time to think and consider what I had seen while my power had been attached to them, I found myself feeling compassion instead of anger at the mention of Tony's voice, compassion that made me feel sick. If he was driven by a desire to protect, then surely his decision to ambush me to trick me into opening up was just his way of assessing how much of a threat I was. If that was the case, I was fairly sure he would not be happy with what he'd just experienced. I wondered silently how long it would be before he proposed sending me back to Hydra, or worse, destroying me altogether. How could I blame him? I was a loose cannon, and I proved that only moments ago when I tried to absorb both him and Stephen out of pure fear; if Steve hadn't shown up, who knows what would have transpired.

"I'll talk to Tony," Steve assured me, but I shook my head.

"It's okay, you don't need to, I get it," Stephen scoffed loudly at the idea that anyone could understand Tony, but I pressed on, "I'm an unknown enemy who has been used to kill people for years by Hydra, doesn't that alone justify his actions?" When neither of them responded, I continued, "You're heroes, you protect the world, you can't blame him for wanting to know if it needed to be protected from me"

"For a supposed deranged killer, you think fairly logically," Steve said lightheartedly, and I couldn't help but smile back at him, "Come on, let's get you back to Avengers Tower"

**************************************************************************

Standing out on the viewing deck of Avengers Tower almost made me feel free. Part of me wanted to leap off and fly away into the night, the cool wind against my face washing away every single bad memory. The sound of the door opening behind me sent my senses into overdrive, and I turned rather abruptly to see Tony with his hands raised comically above his head as if I was holding a gun to him.

"Don't shoot, I come in peace" In his hands, he held two glasses, one of which he offered me as he moved closer. I took it.

"Come to tell me to pack my bags?" I asked, looking down at the brown liquid in the glass, it smelled like whiskey.

He took a sip of his drink, "If I did, you'd be screwed, you don't have any bags"

"Have you come to bring me some bags?" I asked while taking a sip, "Are they expensive vintage bags? Because I won't settle for anything less"

I watched him force his face into neutrality, but his eyes betrayed him; the light sparkling there was full of humour and amusement. I looked away from them and back down at my glass.

"That reminds me, I'm billing you for the kitchen, Freckles," He said, and it was my turn not to smile.

"I'll sell one of the bags you give me to pay for it"

A few moments of silence passed between us as we looked away from each other and down at the lights of the city below. I wondered what it would be like to man the Iron suit like Tony and take to the skies, go anywhere and see anything, to have the kind of freedom that he had. I was about to open my mouth and ask him what it was like to be able to fly, but he spoke first.

"I was out of line today," He said, though his voice lacked the necessary remorse for this to be an actual apology. I doubted he'd ever even given one.

"No, you weren't" I replied, before he could get to rambling some insincere bullshit Steve had told him to say, "I'm a potential threat and you wanted to know how much of one, now you do, it makes sense, Tony" I finished the drink and looked sideways at him, he was already looking at me I could feel his gaze before I saw it, "So save whatever apology Steve told you to give me"

"I'll have you know, I thought this up all by myself, Freckles," He lied.

"It's Freya," I replied evenly, "And you're a terrible liar" The light in his eyes dimmed a little as his face became slightly more serious. I'd hit a nerve, good "The house you saw burning"

"You mean the vision I saw when you were trying to forcibly remove my soul from my body? Go on," He added smartly.

"It was my home, my family died in that house, and it's one of the only memories I have from before all of this" He didn't reply, just as I didn't think he would. I wasn't sure he was even capable of empathy, "I'm sorry you had to see it"

I turned to walk away, leaving the story like an offering in front of him, a little bit of vulnerability to show that I wasn't just a monster but also like a human being, hoping that perhaps he would see that in me just as I had seen it in Bucky. As my fingers closed around the door handle, he spoke:

"What did you see?" He asked, and there was an anxious curiosity in his voice.

"I never said I saw anything," I bluffed.

"After it happened, you said that you sift through memories at the beginning of the absorption process, so when you were scrambling around in my head, what did you see?"

I turned to look back at him, and he looked so desperate it almost made me walk back over to him as if the idea that someone could have seen all his most intimate thoughts and feelings scared him more than anything else in the world. Being vulnerable, he couldn't stand it. I wanted to lie to him, to say I didn't see anything or perhaps to say that I couldn't remember, but his dark eyes watched me in a way that made my skin prickle and my power hum, as if his gaze alone was a power that wouldn't allow me to lie to him, to hurt him. For all of that bravado between us, if I mocked him or lied to him now, I knew it would sever whatever scraps of connection we had made tonight.

"I saw when you were held captive and the people that you care about who have died, I felt your hatred for being powerless and useless" My mouth was dry, the look on his face remained as if he had turned into a statue, "And then I felt your intense desire to protect and I suppose that's why I'm not mad at you for ambushing me to get information, I'm a threat and you needed to know how much of one" Swallowing was difficult.

His face faltered and then broke into a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, "So nothing important then, good to know, if you'd dug any deeper you might have reached the R18 section of my memory bank" He drawled, once again filled with his regular disarming bravado, he moved his drink to his lips and took a sip, ensuring to keep eye contact with me, "Why look through it when you could be part of it?" He gave me an infuriatingly gorgeous smirk, though I'd never admit it. The way this man could erase emotional vulnerability with sexual tension was impressive, and it might have worked on me if I didn't find him so intensely annoying.

So instead I scoffed as I looked over at him, an eyebrow raised in feigned disinterest because I was disinterested, right? And said, "Tony, if I wanted to see you naked, I'd just ask," and then I turned and walked through the door without looking back.

 

Tony's POV:

She'd hit me with a low blow; the idea that getting me into bed would take a single request from her was pretty insulting, but also frustratingly true. When she walked away, it was as if she took the air with her, and I promised myself I wouldn't watch the swaying of her hips as she went, but I couldn't help myself as my eyes roamed the back of her figure and inevitably ended up there. She was hot, and she pissed me off, and I hated that she knew anything remotely real about me, whether she seemed to care if she knew it or not. Ultimately, she was a challenge, and my testosterone loved a challenge, craved a challenge because challenges could be beaten, and damn, did I want to beat this one.

I watched her leave and was glad no one else was around to see it because I probably looked like a drooling puppy, pathetic. I'd come out here with every intention of being mature, but there was something about the way she met me at every turn in our conversation that made me always dive into the deep end. Sex was how I countered being emotional. Meaningless sex meant I didn't have to be vulnerable or honest or anything more than good in bed, and I was good in bed, I mean, and as I thought about it, I found myself wondering if she would be good in bed too. Then I downed my drink and shook my head, trying to get rid of the ever-filthy thoughts. Steve would kill me if I slept with her; in fact, I was pretty sure she would kill me before she would ever consider sleeping with me, and somehow that only made it more tempting.

A few moments later, I stalked inside and dumped my glass in the sink before heading off to take a shower. A cold one.

 

Freya’s POV

I wasn't surprised to see Stephen in the room that had been allocated to me. He was leaning on my dresser and, for the first tim,e dressed in regular clothes, some jeans, and a dark long-sleeved button-up shirt. He looked up when I entered, and our eyes met across the room. Just like they had in the cafeteria when we'd met all those years ago.

 

[Flashback]

"You're new here," He said, it wasn't a question, we'd locked eyes across the sea of people eating lunch and eventually found ourselves side by side in the lunch lines.

"What gave me away?" I asked as we shuffled forward a few steps.

"I'd remember if I'd already met you," He said, his blue-grey eyes were bright and inviting despite his cocky demeanour.

"You must be Dr Stephen Strange," I said, giving him a half-smile.

"Ah, my reputation precedes me," He muttered, not looking at all unhappy about it.

We moved forward a few more paces, "You seem to be the Intern's favourite topic"

He chuckled, it was a deep, rich sound that I wished I didn't enjoy, "All bad things, I hope"

"Absolutely diabolical," I affirmed, which earned me another one of his chuckles.

We paid for our lunches.

"Come and sit with me," He said as we were about to part ways.

I looked over my shoulder at him. His head was tilted slightly to the side as he waited for my response. I would have been lying if I said it wasn't a little adorable.

"Can't ruin my reputation on my first day, Dr Strange" And with that, I turned and walked away.

 

"It's weird seeing you in normal clothes now," I admitted by way of greeting, "It almost makes you seem like the Stephen I knew"

"I am the Stephen you knew," He replied.

"You're not," I said, shutting the door behind me, "Have you come to grill me like Tony just did and ask what memories I saw?"

He gave me the ghost of a smile, "Not exactly, I can guess what you saw" He stood to his full height, which was almost an entire foot taller than me, "I came to apologise"

"Stephen, we've been through this. I can't just forgive you fo-"

"Not for that," He said, "No one should have been able to get into the Sanctum without me knowing immediately. I should have known he was there" He paused briefly, "But I was too focused on getting the information I wanted, and in doing so, I put the Sanctum, and you, at risk. It will not happen again"

For once, I was floored, rendered speechless. I was right, the Stephen in front of me was not the Stephen that I had known 3 years ago, though there were traces of him still there; the things I had seen in his mind and the way he had suffered and the powers he had gained had changed him in many ways that mattered.

"I know that you regret what happened when Hydra took me," I said softly, and it was his turn to look surprised. "It would have made this all much easier for me if you hadn't cared at all"

He looked like he wanted to move toward me, but he restrained himself, and I was thankful. It would have been so easy to allow him to take those few steps toward me and to fall into his arms like I always had and allow him to take away the pain of the last few days, but I couldn't. What had happened in those years had branded me and changed me, had caused me great pain, and I still couldn't trust him. Our eyes met again, and when I breathed in, I could smell him, and the familiarity brought me a strange sense of comfort; the pine and earthiness of it grounded me, as it had back then. He took a few steps forward, then my heart stopped beating, and I stopped breathing.

"I know you don't trust me," He said, his voice rough and deep in a way that made my skin heat, "But I promise, I won't betray you again," and with that, he brushed past me and out the door behind me, leaving a trail of his cologne behind him.

*******************************************************************

"You can't come with me, Nathaniel, it isn't safe"

 

My little brother gazed up at me, his eyes like endless oceans, and his little forehead crinkled in frustration. He was always trying to follow me somewhere, and if I let him come out into town with me, my Mother would throw a fit. He was her favourite; she hated him going to places that posed a threat, which was basically anywhere more than 5 feet away from her. He clutched the small wooden man that Father had whittled for him. It was one of the many small wooden toys our Father had made for us. This one had always been my brother's favourite.

"I want to come," He demanded, his voice small and his English a bit broken in the way that small children's words usually are when they're learning to speak.

It took all my effort not to smile at his small pouty face, "Not this time, Nathaniel," I said softly, reaching out and ruffling his hair, “Next time, okay?”

“Okay,” He said softly, a smile breaking out on his face.

 

I woke with a start.
1 week passed, then 2 weeks passed, and there was nothing.
Sucking down mouthfuls of air, I reached out in the dark to find the bottle of water on the floor beside me. My hand slapped against it, and it fell onto the floor and rolled further away from me. I sighed into the silence before flopping back down on the floor, the blanket now half off me as I stared up at the dim ceiling.

The first thing I'd notice about Bucky was his eyes and how much they had reminded me of my little brother, the blueness of them, like the deep, bottomless lake we used to swim in as kids. When I first learned to open my eyes underwater, I thought I had a superpower; everything shimmered in different hues of blue as the rays of the sun illuminated the lake. It was beautiful. Bucky's eyes reminded me of that river. I gulped as my eyes burned. Being weak wouldn't help, and crying about it wouldn't help. I shoved the covers off me and pulled myself to my feet, snatching out my power and pulling the bottle to my hand and then lifting it to my mouth to take a nice long swig. Water was something they never let us have often enough, which was why we loved missions when it was raining. When Bucky and I had first started work on weakening his hypnosis, standing in the rain with our mouths open was something we had done frequently on rainy nights. They fed us a decent amount because they had to to ensure we functioned at peak capacity, but they could stand to be stingy with water; anything they could deprive us of, they would.
I placed the empty bottle on my nightstand and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. This was how every morning started now, wake up from some awful dream, drink an entire bottle of water and then get changed and head out for a long run around the facility. The compound itself was huge, which meant it took up a lot of the land that could be used for running, so instead of creating a long course to run, I found myself doing lap after lap after lap. Sometimes Steve or Natasha would come out and join me, or a man I'd met briefly named Clint, but otherwise I ran alone no matter what the weather was doing. Thankfully, the sun was peaking its way over the horizon this morning, which meant today I could run in the heat.

Standing out on the grass, cut so short it was almost dirt, stood Thor; his hammer was nowhere to be seen, and he was dressed normally once again. I had yet to see the shimmering armour and the crimson cape from my vision. He looked up when he heard my footsteps, and our eyes met across the courtyard. I knew that look. His brows were furrowed, and he looked as if the last thing he wanted in the world was to be standing here in front of me. It was the look of a desperate man who needed help, and for some reason, he'd come here to ask me.

"Thor Odinson," I said by way of greeting, and he inclined his head ever so slightly, "Come to smite me again?" I raised an eyebrow, and the side of his mouth quirked only slightly. We hadn't spoken since I'd first met him.

"I" He hesitated for a moment, "I wish to apologise for attacking you when we first met"

"Consider it forgotten," I replied easily, "You can't have just come here to apologise?"

He sighed heavily, "Is it that obvious?"

"Painfully so"

He chuckled, "I come seeking your aid, Freya"

"My aid?" It was my turn to frown, "You have an entire building of Superhero friends, why are you asking me?"

"Tell me, what do you know of my brother Loki?"

I'd never heard the name before: "Never heard of him"

He nodded as if he'd just confirmed a suspicion, "Loki is misguided, but he is my brother and I would see him brought back to Asgard for his crimes"

My eyebrows rose, "His crimes? You want me to help you catch a criminal?" and now it made sense why he was asking me and nobody else.

He strode a few steps closer, so much so that I had to look up slightly to remain looking at his face, "If the Avengers catch him, they will not let him go, and he will only cause more chaos. Loki must be taken to Asgard"

For the first time in a long time, I found myself almost cowering under the weight of his gaze. When we had first met, he had been a distance from me, and I'd not considered the figure I was fighting. But it was clear this close to him that Thor was from another world and that whether he was there or here, he was still a god.

"What makes you think you can trust me?" I replied, my mouth dry.

"Because you want to save your friend, the Brian fellow"

"Bucky," I corrected.

"Right, Bucky, you understand what it is like to care deeply for someone that other people dislike, you understand him. Loki has done terrible things, but he is my brother, and he is of Asgard; there is good in him" Thor's eyes crackled, the same colour as the lightning he'd used on me weeks earlier.

"Okay, okay," I muttered, "I'll help you, but I don't know how I'm going to leave this place without Jarvis telling on me"

He lifted his hand into the air, his fingers splayed apart as if he were about to catch something. I was about to open my mouth and ask what he was doing, but I remembered the stance from the day we fought and the way his hammer flew to him. Moments passed before the hammer flew out of the tree line and straight at Thor, who caught it as if it were nothing more than a football. He swung it around several times, as if it had been a while since he'd held it, then he turned to me and gestured for me to come closer.

"What are we doing?" I asked hesitantly.

"You may not enjoy this," He admitted.

Before I could move, he had lifted his free arm, tucked it around me, and pulled me into his side. His raw strength was immense, and I wondered silently if I would be able to break out of his hold should I want to. Thor's other arm began to spin the hammer over and over again until it sounded akin to a plane about to take off, and before I could question if that was what was about to happen, we shot from the ground and high into the sky, and I slammed my eyes shut. There are a few times when I have been truly scared in my life, and this was one of them, flying through the sky with a god from a different world who I barely knew, held only aloft by a single one of his tree trunk-sized arms. I tried to steady my breathing. Surely he'd done this a hundred times with other people; it was totally safe, and we would be fine.

It felt like forever that we were up in the air before we began descending, and my feet finally hit solid ground. I was glad Thor had his arm around me because if he hadn't, I definitely would have fallen over. I opened my eyes finally, and he was looking at his hammer with a deep appreciation.

"I was hoping that would work," He said.

"You've never done that before?" My voice was slightly higher than usual, and I cleared my throat.

"I have flown many times with Mjolnir by myself"

"But never with someone else," I was glad he was telling me on the ground.

"I knew it would work"

I could tell he was lying, but I didn't want to argue about it. "Where are we?" I said instead.

"This is the last location I have tracked Loki to. Perhaps if we look around, we can find a clue as to his current whereabouts"

"Right"

The warehouse was old and musty, but recently vacated; if Loki had been here, it was not very long ago, 2 days at the most. I frowned as I knelt and ran my fingers over the dust that lined the floor. There were many footprints here, not just those of a single man, which meant he must have had a lot of people with him. Thor rustled through some papers across from me. The noise made me look up at him and wonder why I'd come here in the first place. I was reckless by nature, always had been. I was often quite sure that my powers were greater than those who opposed me, but in this situation, if Thor had led me into a trap, I was not sure I would be able to defeat him or his brother, especially not if Loki was just as powerful. If Thor needed help to find him, then either he was formidable or Thor was not an accomplished tracker, but he'd managed to track Loki thus far. Perhaps it had to do with the people these footprints belonged to; maybe that was why he needed backup. I stood up and scanned the room again. Thor seemed genuine enough for me to follow him here.
A shimmer made me pause my scanning. It was gone as quickly as it had been there, but it had been there, I was sure of it. Behind Thor and to his right, I watched there for a few moments longer until I saw it again; it wasn't a shimmer but as if the air there was moving and rippling like a mirage. I didn't move a muscle, but my power did, it extended from me as invisibly as always and formed a solid shield 2-feet behind Thor's back, big enough to cover his entire frame.

"Find anything?" I asked casually.

"Not yet"

"Does Loki have people with him?" I asked, wandering closer to where he was standing.

"People? Like friends? Loki doesn't have friends," Thor scoffed.

"Well, he's definitely not working alone"

Before I could take another step closer, Thor whirled around with his hammer in his hand and slammed it back just as a pair of daggers descended toward his back. All three weapons hit the shield between them at full force. Thor stumbled back, surprised, and the once unmanned floating daggers flew back as well, the force of the blow revealing the man holding them. He was as tall as Thor but certainly not as broad, his eyes as bright as his brothers' but emerald green and a harsh contrast to his curtain of jet black hair that hung down almost to his shoulders. He was wearing an entirely black suit and looked positively disgusted to see his brother. He twirled the daggers in his hands but kept them at his sides.

"I assume I have you to thank for that" He turned his eyes to me, and it took everything in me not to take a step back. Where Thor commanded atmospheres, Loki invaded them and took over them. There was nothing commanding about him, but instead a deadly authority that seemed to suck the air right out of my lungs. "A clever magic trick," He added, "But I'm a real Sorcerer, didn't my brother tell you?"

With that, he disappeared only to reappear in front of me a kick me hard in the stomach, sending me flying back into the concrete wall of the warehouse. I groaned as I peeled myself off it. He was fast, I'd give him that, but I'd been kicked harder by better men.

"I'm not getting the family resemblance here," I said as I shook myself off, "You two look nothing alike"

"He's adopted," Thor said.

"Right, yeah, is that why he's so pissed off?"

"I beg your pardon, are you going to keep talking about me as if I'm not present?" Loki asked, thoroughly pissed off now.

"That depends, are you going to kick me again?"

"Oh, I'm going to do much worse than kick you," He said, a smile spreading across his face.

He disappeared, but he'd already used that trick, and I was ready for his reappearance. Just. He slammed his daggers down from above me, but my power was faster than his arms; it flew up, locking his arms in place as I drew my leg back and kicked him as hard as I could. To my surprise, he flew back and slammed into a desk, destroying it, before he found himself sprawled across the floor. He looked up at me then, and as our eyes locked, the warehouse faded away entirely.

 

Loki's memories were cold, and his mind was difficult to navigate. It was like trying to wade through waist-deep mud; he was fighting me every step of the way.

"Get out!" His voice hissed; it echoed all around me.

Fear. So much fear and hate, all governed by so much sadness, I almost retreated at the feel of it. It was so heavy, it reminded me of the time I'd gone swimming too far out in the lake by our house and almost drowned. I'd been so tired and so far away from shore, and the feeling of the water lulled me, the pressure of it weighing me down as I sank below the surface. That was what being in Loki's mind felt like: being trapped beneath the surface of a lake and wanting desperately to surface and breathe again, but being unable to. Loki was drowning.

"I don't want to be alone" His voice was little more than a whisper, a passing breeze, and then it was gone.

I was in the warehouse again, and Thor was shaking Loki as I stood transfixed on his face. His eyes had rolled back, and he was slumped on the floor. He came back to himself moments after me.

"Astralis" Was the first word he said, and I tried to swallow the lump in my throat.

"It's not her Loki"

"It is her! I sensed it, I felt her, where did you find her!" He was becoming hysterical.

"I'm not Astralis," I replied evenly.

His eyes were wide and frantic, and they narrowed at me, "What did you do to her?" He asked, his voice dangerously low.

"I didn't do anything to her, I've never even met her"

"Liar," He hissed, and then, quicker than either of us could move, he was on me and had a dagger to my throat, his eyes full of desperation and hatred, "Tell me"

I swallowed and felt the blade kiss my skin, "My Father is Neorth. I awoke the powers I have after I was taken by Hydra, I don't know Astralis," I whispered into the space between us.

"Then why do I sense her all over you?" The hate in his eyes wavered for a moment and was replaced with what looked like sorrow, as if he mourned for her, as if she was his lo-

A familiar sizzling filled the air, "Put the dagger down, Loki" Stephen's voice filled the warehouse, and it was the first time since we'd reunited that I was happy to hear it.

"This is not your quarrel, Wizard man," Thor said. I desperately wished I could see Stephen's face right now.

"Freya is under the protection of the Sorcerer Supreme, and right now her life is being threatened; that makes it my business," He seethed.

I focused on Loki again, "When Thor first met me" I muttered quietly, "He said the same thing as you and he attacked me, everything I know about Astralis is in a book" He continued to stare at me, "Thor said Valen was destroyed and Astralis killed, I have no idea how I got her powers, I swear" I had to appeal to him in the hopes that he didn't kill me, if he did I would never find Bucky and he would never be free.

"What you saw in my head," He hissed.

"Forgotten entirely," I breathed, giving him a breathy smile.

Before either of us could move or talk again, there was a loud noise like a car engine coming closer and closer until it smashed right through the roof of the warehouse. Tony, in his iron suit, which only served to make Loki even more agitated.

"You just couldn't help yourself, could you, freckles?" Tony's voice drawled as he landed on the concrete behind Loki.

"What can I say, headquarters is boring, this is much more fun," I replied, still fully aware of the knife between Loki and me.

"So bored you let Fabio use you as bait?" When I didn't respond, Tony carried on, "He knew the relationship Astralis and Loki had. Why do you think he brought you?"

I tried to avoid Loki's gaze. While I was not naive enough to think of the Avengers as my friends, I had hoped that Thor had come to me in good faith, but it appeared I'd been wrong, and Tony knew it. I didn't want to further hurt my pride by admitting it here in front of everyone. I'd been used again, but I was used to that.

"You say that as if it's some kind of insult, you forget that being used to do people's dirty work is what I was created for," I replied coolly.

"Loki, if you don't step away, you leave us no choice but to force you," Stephen said, ever the voice of reason.

"SHIELD are on their way to lock you away for good," Tony said to Loki, "I'll make sure they give you an extra broody cell"

"Loki must be taken back to Asgard," Thor said suddenly, he'd been quiet up until now, "I will not allow SHIELD to take him"

"You don't get to make the decisions on Earth"

As if announcing their presence was their cue to enter the doors of the warehouse flew open, and people piled in, covered in SWAT gear and carrying guns and spears; they surrounded us all from what I could see over Loki's shoulder. He looked at me for a few moments longer before letting go of me and spinning around. At the sudden movement, every weapon was primed on him. I rubbed my neck, and a few spots of blood came away on my palm. Thor was only a few feet behind us, as if he had been on his way to stop Loki before Stephen arrived, his eyes met mine across the small space between us, and I knew he was pleading with me through them. I was so sick of being unable to make my own decisions, held like a prisoner in the huge complex with no one to talk to or spend time with. I was sick of it all. I wasn't sure what he saw in my eyes but he moved as I moved fanning out a barrier to hold back everyone in the room and stop them from attacking as Thor grabbed Loki and a huge bright beam of light engulfed them, I lifted a hand to cover my eyes but the beam was gone as quick as it came and on the ground below was a huge scorch mark like nothing I had ever seen.

The SHIELD soldiers groaned and cursed as they swarmed the area looking for clues, but across the warehouse, Stephen and Tony both looked at me, knowing what I had done.

*******************************************************

"You let him go" It wasn't a question but a statement of disbelief that came out of Steve's mouth, "Do you have any idea how many people this guy has killed?"

"You don't understand"

"No, Freya, I don't understand. How are we supposed to trust you?"

"Don't you trust Thor?" I quizzed.

"Thor is different, he's from another planet and their ways are different from Earth," Natasha said, she was frowning at me, trying to understand me.

"The point is that Asgard can't control Loki, Thor can't control Loki, and we almost had him, and you let him get away," Steve growled.

"The God of Thunder can't control Loki, but you think that you can?" I scoffed, "Are you guys for real? Do you think you can contain actual gods when other gods can't? You're not that powerful"

"I hate to say it," Stephen said, "But Freya is right, Loki is just as dangerous no matter where he is being contained, whether it's here or Asgard, it doesn't matter"

"I don't get it," I said finally, looking over at Steve.

"What?" He grumbled.

"Bucky said you were a hero, he said you never gave up on him"

"Bucky and Loki aren't the same-"

"Tell me, if that had been you and Bucky in that warehouse today, what would you have done?"

"It's not the-"

"What would you have done!" I yelled at him.

Steve looked up at me then, his gaze meeting mine, "It's not the same! Bucky can be saved, we can rehabilitate him, Loki is just evil"

I blinked away the burning in my eyes, "People aren't born evil, Steve, something happens that makes them that way" I swallowed the lump in my throat, "I thought you were heroes and I thought to myself, hey, if a bunch of good guys can invite me in and think that I can do some good then maybe I can be good. But if someone like Loki is unredeemable, then so am I"

Then I turned and walked out of the room.

*******************************************************

"So what did you see?" Tony's voice asked as I sat swirling a drink by the abandoned bar.

I imagined that usually this bar was manned during parties or other get-togethers, but there was no one here tonight, and even though the effects of alcohol took a much longer time to inhibit me, I still found myself mostly through a bottle of whiskey and barely feeling tipsy. Alcohol didn't affect Bucky anymore, and even though it still affects me, it was next to useless considering how much I had to drink.

"What?" I replied, pouring myself another drink.

"You let Loki go. What did you see in his head?" Tony snatched the bottle off me and poured himself a glass too.

"What makes you think I saw anything?" I scoffed, taking a sip.

"Because it's the only logical reason you'd let that oily-haired creep go after learning that Thor lied to you," He replied, and I looked away from him.

"I didn't see anything," I lied.

"You're a terrible liar," He replied, echoing a line I'd used on him last time we'd had a drink together.

I'd seen little of Tony over the last two weeks; he'd been in and out, and frankly, I felt as if he might be avoiding me. It felt wrong to enjoy moments like this when we were alone together and tensions were high. He was still handsome, and I was still in need of a distraction and desperate not to let him fill that role. I'd never hear the end of it. I downed the glass and reached for the bottle, but he didn't let it go; instead, we held it between us.

"Let it go, Tony," I said softly, and to my surprise, he dropped it, and I refilled my glass.

"So, you think he could be good?"

"Who knows, I'm probably just crazy," I replied, and he chuckled.

"More than likely"

"Is that why you're still staring at me?" I asked, looking up at him, his brown eyes were watching me intently.

"I'm staring, but not because you're crazy," He muttered.

I rolled my eyes and let a smile form on my face, "You couldn't handle me," I said, knocking back another drink.

He sucked in a breath through his teeth, "That doesn't make the idea less appealing"

My heart was hammering in my chest now. There was always playful flirting between us that skated close to an imaginary line, but tonight, Tony seemed hellbent on demolishing that line and walking right over it. I didn't seem far behind him. I wanted to, of course, I wanted to. I wanted to know how warm his mouth was and what he tasted like, where he'd put his hands when he kissed me and which piece of my clothing he'd take off first. I wanted to feel him all around me and inside me and use those moments to forget everything else. But things here were already awkward and difficult, and I was sure that sleeping with him would only make it more so. I put my glass down on the bar top and pushed myself to my feet. If I stayed any longer, I wouldn't be able to talk myself out of it. Sleeping with him wouldn’t bring me any closer to Bucky.

"I need to go to bed," I relented.

"Mine is on the top floor," Tony said without missing a beat. Somehow, he was much closer than he had been a few moments ago, and his eyes were shimmering with confidence and arrogance, both of which I found attractive. So sure of himself.

He smelled like whiskey and musk, and I looked up at him for a few moments, taking in the features of his face and finally found my eyes transfixed on his lips. Maybe just one kiss would keep the fire at bay if I knew how he tasted; it wouldn't drive me mad thinking about it. I reached out a hand and gripped the tie he was still wearing; his blazer was long forgotten, and instead, he wore just the tie, waistcoat, and shirt. It only served to make him look even more gorgeous. I tugged him closer to me, and his eyes seemed to smoulder and burn as he looked down at me, as if they were living flame and before I really knew it, his lips brushed against mine, and his free hand came up to grip the side of my neck, his thumb extending up to my jaw beside my ear. His hand was warm against my skin, and he gripped me just tight enough to pull me closer to him and tilt my head back as he pressed his lips harder against mine. My mouth opened for him without much trying, and I found that even though I'd been the one to initiate the kiss, he was controlling it, and I was quickly getting lost in it.

Tony tasted better than I could have ever imagined, and I knew the moment our lips met that I'd made a huge mistake. Kissing him didn't take away any of the burning desire; it only made it that much worse. His glass clinked as he put it down, and then his other hand was gripping my waist, and we were pressed together at every angle as if trying to merge into each other. His tongue was warm and soft, but insistent, and I found myself having to force down a satisfied moan. He was an amazing kisser, or maybe it had just been too long since I'd kissed a man. I pulled back then before it could go any further because I knew if it did, I wouldn't be able to resist.

I mustered all the bravado I could "Not too bad, Stark," I said, though I was sure my voice was shaking as I untangled myself from him, picked up his drink, and downed it. Then I turned and walked back to my own room as fast as I could.

Chapter Text

Stephen wasn't there the night that Hydra took me away from my barely furnished flat. He told me that he was preoccupied with surgeries and wouldn't be able to swing by and so I curled up on the couch alone to scroll through web pages on my laptop. There was no warning before Bucky burst through my front window, and we engaged one another. Once he had me in a vulnerable position, he stabbed the tranquilliser into my neck, and everything went wobbly and then black. I woke up several hours later, chained to a chair with familiar black chains that shimmered in the dim underground light. The handlers called the metal Starsteel, but I had no idea where they'd obtained it; all I knew was that it muted my powers and rendered me magically useless.

"A whole year you evaded us, I'm impressed," Drawled a familiar voice.

Cal had been my minder since Hydra had taken me and I'd never known him by any other name, when I was younger he was a tall and foreboding man, now he was hunched over and aged with dark eyes and an unkind smile. He looked at me now as if he greatly pitied me and it made me want to spit at his feet, I wisely chose not to.

"You will regret it," He hissed.

Bucky's hand gripped my head and tilted it back as the familiar device was lowered toward me. I tried not to struggle, but I couldn't help it when I knew the pain was coming. The pain that I was foolish enough to believe I might never feel again, the pain that couldn't scramble my brain but hurt so much I wished it would kill me. I screamed as it started up.

I slammed my hand down on the power switch and the coffee grinder ground to an abrupt halt as I used my free hand to grip the counter, I felt like I might be sick now so I shuffled over to the sink and leaned over it, turning the faucet on and shoving my face underneath the cool running water.
I was free.
I was free.
But Bucky wasn't. I flicked the faucet off and pushed the wet strands of hair off my face; my hands were shaking.

"Flashbacks are a bitch," Natasha's voice echoed in the now quiet kitchen.

I didn't respond to her.

"You know half of us here suffer from the same kinds of traumatic memories; you don't have to be ashamed"

"I'm not ashamed," I snapped back a bit harsher than I had intended.

She looked at me for a few moments before she spoke again, "Steve means well" I rolled my eyes, "He does!" She insisted, "He just doesn't think the same way we do, he'll come around"

"I don't care if he comes around or not," I muttered.

"Yes, you do, if you didn't care, you wouldn't be here"

I sighed, "Bucky trusts Steve; he talks about him like he's the best person in the world. I'm just worried that when we rescue him, it might not be the reunion they're both hoping for"

Nat shook her head, "That's not on you, that's up to them, and you have to let them handle it"

"Bucky is my priority, Nat, and if Steve turns against him, I'll stand up for him, no matter what"

Truth be told the altercation with Steve wasn't all that had me on edge, kissing Tony last night was a mistake, I'd barely slept all night and then spent the rest of the day avoiding him and now it was evening again and I was left with no where to go and nothing to do as Natasha headed back upstairs for some super secret meeting I wasn't invited to. Probably discussing what to do with me now that I couldn't be trusted.

"You have that far away look" Tony's voice said, "Let me guess, thinking about me?"

I rolled my eyes even as my tummy churned at the sound of his voice, my eyes met his across the room. He was dressed casually today and looked as if he'd been working in his workshop all day, I guess we had both been avoiding each other. His hair was slightly ruffled and I quietly appreciated how nice it was to see this unmanicured side of him, the side that worked hard for everything he had. He licked his lips and my eyes were drawn there.

"You busy, freckles?" He asked in a tone of voice that I don't think he would ever use if we weren't alone.

"I'm very busy, if it's you who is asking," I replied, wiping my wet hands on a vacant tea towel.

He gave me one of his gorgeous half-smirks, "Well, I'd ask someone else, but you're the only one out here"

"Wow, what a coincidence" I gave him a look of mock shock, "How long did you wait staring at your security cameras until I was alone?"

He let out a small huff of laughter as he turned away from me, "If you want to stay out here crying over a coffee grinder, suit yourself, Princess"

My eyes narrowed as I stalked around the edge of the bench and down the hall after him, "Is any room in this complex actually private, or do you invade everyone's privacy?"

"If you're asking whether I watch you when you change, I can't confirm or deny," He replied casually.

I could feel my cheeks heating thinking about it, especially after last night when I'd paced around my room for hours remembering the taste of his mouth and the feel of his hands gripping me against him. We turned the corner into his workshop, and he stopped so abruptly that I walked right into his back.

"Gold or silver?" He asked indicating two prototypes in front of him and the color schemes he was going over.

"I don't care," I replied, realising that he'd goaded me in here with him.

"Just pick one," He insisted.

"I don't kn-"

"I need you to pick one," He said, turning to face me, he looked down at me and the greens and yellows in his eyes were brighter than they had ever been, "Because it's your fault I've been in here all day making them, I didn't even have any new prototype ideas!"

"My fault?" I asked incredulously.

"Yes" He looked at me like I was crazy, "Last night you decide to kiss me and then run for the hills just as things are getting good, and then I can't sleep because all I can think about is kissing you and the only way to take my mind off it and stop me from barging into your room was to make these" He gestured to them, "So please, sweetheart, pick a color"

I could barely breathe, "Tony-" I muttered.

He took a deep intake of breath, "And you have got to stop saying my name like that, I've never lost a moment of sleep thinking of a woman and then there was you" He gestured to all of me.

"Combine the silver and the gold," I said without taking my eyes off of him, "It'll look better if you combine them"

The air was thick with tension as he watched me for a few more moments, his eyes dipping down to my lips and back up to my eyes, "Screw it," He muttered, taking a step towards me, pushing the door shut behind me and bringing his lips down onto mine. It was such a quick and fluid movement that it almost caught me off guard as he gripped my waist with one hand and moved his other to my neck just as he had last night. He tasted better today without the whiskey between us, and he smelt of cologne, sweat, metal, and oil. Last night, I'd had little control of my hands or my body; I'd been too focused on where his hands were and how his tongue moved effortlessly against mine. This time, I lifted them and ran them over his shoulders and around his neck, my fingers interlacing with the soft ends of his hair as he sighed into my mouth. He drew several soft moans from me as the hand on my neck dropped to my waist as well, and pulled me into him; we touched at every angle.
There was a couch to our left, which I'd seen as we'd come in, and with some gentle nudging, I managed to move him closer to it, and when we reached it, I placed my hands on his shoulders and lowered him down to sit on it, our lips only breaking contact as I straddled him. His lips hit my jaw; they were warm against my skin and left scorch marks everywhere they touched. He kissed a trail along my jaw and down to my neck, which only served to elicit more moans from me. He smiled into my skin as his hands lifted my shirt and grazed the skin of my sides underneath, and I ran my fingers through his hair. Once he was finished with my neck, he looked up at me, his eyes on fire as I leaned down to press my lips against him again. There wasn't enough friction between us and too many clothes, as if he'd read my mind, he lifted my shirt above my head and tossed it aside, his hands deftly removing my bra and dropping that to the floor too. He sighed audibly as he ran his hands up my sides and to my breasts, and I had to bite my lip at the sudden sexual contact. It'd been a long time since any man had touched me like this.

"Honestly," He muttered, "So much better than I imagined"

I lifted his face to look at me, a finger on his chin, "So you haven't been watching me naked, but you've been imagining me naked?" I questioned.

He gave me a wolfish grin as he leaned forward, "Don't pretend you didn't spend all night imagining me doing this," He muttered as he placed his mouth around my nipple, and I tried my hardest not to grind down against him as he sucked and licked.

He was right, I had spent all night imagining this, his hands gripped my waist and ran up and down my back in long seductive strokes that made me drop my head back and press my chest harder against his mouth. Every satisfied groan from him vibrated against my skin and my breasts and made me bite my lip at the pleasure of it. After a few minutes of allowing myself to enjoy his mouth as it alternated from one nipple to the other, I pulled my head forward and reached a hand down, gently tipping his face up so he was looking at me. His eyes were on fire, and his lips were parted. He looked almost drunk as I leaned down and caught his mouth with mine. He groaned into the kiss. His hands moved down further, gripping my ass and running along my thighs, even just by touching me and kissing me, he was making me breathless. I was beginning to wonder if I’d actually survive the rest of the encounter. We broke apart for a moment to come up for air and Tony opened his mouth as if he was about to say something but before any words came out there was a huge crash downstairs and the entire complex shook, our eyes met in understanding (and frustration), and without saying a word we both fixed ourselves up and bolted out the door and down the nearest flight of stairs.

**********************************************************

By the time we reached the top of the stairs, Tony was already in his Iron suit, and his steps clunked on the tiles as he stood next to me and scanned the room. He went to move passed me but hesitated when he saw I wasn't moving forward as well. In front of us were Natasha and Steve, weapons at the ready, and in front of them were 3 Hydra men in riot gear; the 3rd had a mask that covered most of his face; his long hair hung down almost to his shoulder, and his head snapped toward us as we arrived. I felt like I might vomit. It hadn't been very long since I'd last seen Bucky, but he already looked worse than he had. What had they done to him? Any heat that had been in my body drained out completely. I’d been in Tony’s workshop about to screw him while Bucky had been suffering. I was disgusting.

"Bucky," I breathed, it was barely a whisper.

Steve's eye widened, "Bucky, it's me, Steve, do you remember me?"

Bucky didn't turn to look at Steve; he was too busy looking over at me, observing me with his unrelenting gaze. They'd crashed through the huge wall-sized windows that faced out toward the grassy entrance to the compound. How had they even gotten onto the compound without being noticed? Tony made to move forward, but Bucky unholstered a gun and lifted it not to point at one of us but to point at the men around him. My eyes widened. Bucky didn't say a word. The closest man to him stood rigid as he lifted the gun and fired a shot right into the back of his head.

For a few moments, it was as if time stopped, and I very well might have believed it had if it wasn't for the man's body falling chaotically to the floor, blood quickly pooling around him. No one moved as we all stared, shocked, unable to comprehend what had just happened. My mind was static. Why would he... My eyes widened at the realisation, Tony's iron-covered head turning to look at me in almost the same moment as we both came to the same conclusion. I didn't have time to voice it because my head erupted in immeasurable pain, and I groaned, doubling over as I lifted a hand to reach up to assess the gunshot wound that wasn't really there.

"Freya," Nat gasped, turning around to tend to me, but I waved her off.

Before the first soul was absorbed, another gunshot reverberated around the room and pain seared through my mind again, memories slithering over my closed eyelids. Bucky spasming in pain and crying out, bleeding on the floor, crawling toward a dirty bowl of water, and at the sight of it, agony filled me and not just because of the pain I could feel. He had been through all of this, and now they'd sent him here to send this message and destroy him even more. I felt a hand on the small of my back, it was warm and firm even through my clothes.

"Can you stand?" Asked Stephen's voice, I hadn't even heard him arrive.

"He's killed them all, just like that," Steve muttered in front of me, "Bucky, why are you doing this?"

"Is it over?" Stephen asked, I knew he was waiting for me to say something, to confirm I was okay, and I was so caught off guard by the entire situation that I couldn't find the energy to be annoyed at his existence.

I opened my eyes and turned my head to sideways to look at him, his hand was still on the small of my back and he was stooped over so he could see my face, his eyes laced with concern and face tight with ice cold fury. I blinked once and then had too look away from the intensity of his gaze.

"I'm okay," I lied, standing up straighter. His hand disappeared from my back. I took several steps forward, "Bucky, it's over now, they're dead, and you can be free if you just snap out of it"

His arms were slack at his sides. If the memories I'd seen were anything to go by, they must have scrambled him over and over again to him this compliant; it broke my heart to think about. As if my movement was a signal, his hand lifted again until the gun was resting against his own temple. My steps faltered. It had to be a bluff; he would bargain with me, and I'd go back with him, and we would be back at square one. It had to be a bluff; I'd never go back without him.

"Bucky" My voice shook, "Please, I’ll come back with you I promise, we can survive together” My voice was ragged and desperate, I’d never begged a moment in my life but I did now because even after all the deaths I’d felt this time it felt as if I were truly dying, as if I couldn’t come back from this one. “Please,” I cried.

He still wasn't responding, and as his index finger tightened, I realised that it wasn't a bluff; they didn't want either of us because they knew they would never be able to trust us now that we had come to care about each other so much. Instead, they wanted to use him and his death to hurt me as much as possible, both of us so close to freedom, and how could I possibly be free if he was dead? I moved as fast as I could, knowing I'd never make it in time. My power shot out, but there was no way I could block a bullet that fast; it was all a feeble and impossible attempt, but I moved anyway. The bang of the gun felt as if it shook the room around me, and then I was screaming and running and power was pulsing from me, pushing everyone else back and away, as far away as I could. Away from us both. My throat was hoarse, and it felt as if I had swallowed glass. I screamed endlessly as tears streamed down my face.

I made it to him just before he hit the ground, and his body crumpled in my arms as I skidded to my knees and blood began to run over my hands and arms, pieces of his head and brain covering the ground, covering me. My screams were replaced with broken sobs that echoed through the silence. There was nothing but us in the ball of infinite power I'd encased us in, and I'd never open it, not for anybody. I waited for the impact of his soul, but it never came. Waited for the soft caress of his memories and the raging pain in my head, but nothing came. Maybe they'd brainwashed him even in death, that he wouldn't seek me out but instead go to the distant great beyond. Even that small piece of solace I could not have. I felt like I might die from the pain as I knelt there, warm tears streaming down my face. I didn't want to turn and look at them all banging on the fringe of power, watching me fall apart.

“Let me absorb you,” I muttered through sobs, “Please, Bucky”

A sizzling noise brought me back to reality, the sound of Stephen breaching my power with his own. I didn't turn to look at him, and he wisely said nothing as his portal disappeared and he stood next to me. I reached a hand down and ran it across Bucky's mask before curling my fingers under the chin end and lifting it away over his long, dark hair. My entire body stilled as the mask fell away, and there in my arms was a dead man - but it wasn't Bucky. I kicked the body away from me and scrabbled back across the floor, only stopping when I hit Stephen's legs. He started in surprise. Hydra was sending a message, and I couldn’t move, I couldn’t react, I was going to be sick.

"What is it?" He asked sharply.

My power evaporated back into me, "That isn't Bucky," I said, my voice hollow as I pulled myself to my feet and walked away.

******************************************************

I stayed in my room for days. Ate nothing and saw no one. I felt like a fool. I should have known it wasn't Bucky and that they were just messing with me; they would never send him to find me. If I ever wanted to see him again, I would have to find him; sitting around here and waiting was pointless. I splayed my fingers as I looked down at my hands. What more could my powers do? Surely there was something they could do to help me find him. Before I could ponder it any further, there was a light knock on my door. I sighed, padding over to open it.
Steve stood on the other side of it his blue eyes hard and his face more serious than I had ever seen it, his eyes flickered to look past me into my room as if he expected me to have someone in there with me.

"Steve?" I was genuinely surprised to see him.

"Hey, how're you doing?" He asked before inviting himself in, an action that was very unlike him. His brow furrowed.

Truthfully I felt like shit but I was so caught off guard by his visit that my own feelings barely registered, "I'm fine, is something wrong?"

He looked up at me, his face filled with resolve, "I need to tell you something"
I nodded briefly and gestured for him to sit down on the single seat in my room while I braced myself on the edge of my bed. Had they found Bucky? Was he okay? Were they getting rid of me? I gulped and my stomach coiled with anxiety. Steve sighed softly his eyes not quite meeting mine.

"You and Tony," He began, and it was my turn to frown, "It's not wise"

My anxiety turned to anger. What was this? Some kind of Dad talk?

"Two consenting adults having sex, you mean? Or does he have a wife I'm not aware of?" For some reason, the idea of Tony already being spoken for made my chest ache.

"Tony is a playboy," Steve muttered.

"But he's a single playboy," I confirmed, "Have you considered I don't care who else he sleeps with? And honestly, I don’t even care about Tony right now” A half-truth, “I care about finding Bucky."

"It's not just that" He seemed to be dancing around something that he couldn't let himself say comfortably.

"Steve," I said plainly, "I'm not into beating around the bush, just say what you need to say if it's so important"

"Fine" He looked at me, "The reason I offered to help you find Bucky and didn't involve the Avengers is that I now know more about Bucky than I've been telling them" He swallowed with difficulty but continued, "I've read his files, all of them, I know many of the horrible things he's been involved in as the Winter Soldier"

"Why haven't you told them?" I asked out loud, but before he could answer, I knew why, because if he did, they wouldn't want to help Bucky because he had done something that personally affected them. No, not them, Tony specifically and me being involved with him compromised the mission.

Steve saw the understanding in my eyes, "Tony believes his parents died in a car accident, but really Bucky caused the accident and finished them off"

The words hit me like a blow, it wasn't what Bucky had done that shocked me it was that Steve hadn't told Tony and they were supposed to be friends who worked together, "What?" I breathed.

"If Tony finds out, it complicates things. I know it's bad, but Bucky is brainwashed; he doesn't know what he's doing"

"You have to tell Tony," I replied, and Steve, for once, looked completely shocked.

"What? No, we can't tell him. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter. Bucky was being used"

"Tony is going over maps and staying up countless hours to help us, to help you, find the person who murdered his parents. He should know, and he should be allowed to decide if he wants to continue helping or not. Steve, you can't manipulate him and lie to him like that"

"Bucky is my best friend," Steve breathed.

"And we can find him with or without Tony, but you can't lie to him; Bucky wouldn’t want that"

"I can't tell him" Steve responded and it was the first time I'd realised that despite his goodness and his heroic capabilities he was still a flawed human being like the rest of us.

"Then I will," I said finally and stood up, heading toward the door.

Steve was deceptively swift, he stood and grabbed my arm before I could make it out the door, my body tensed, "Please, think about what you're doing" He said, his voice urgent, "The only reason I haven't told Tony is because I know it will hurt him, he'll want to kill Bucky himself, it will tear our team apart"

"Why didn't you just tell him when you first found out?" I asked.

He had the decency to look ashamed of himself, "It didn't matter then, I believed Bucky was dead, there was no point in telling him, if I'd known Bucky was alive I would have told him"

"Then you should have told him the day you found me," I replied gently as I removed my arm from his hand and walked out the door and down the corridor.

********************************************

Tony wasn't in his workshop when I burst in; it was empty aside from his suits of armour and the ever-projected map that lay barren in the air with no leads on it. I stood in the doorway for a few moments. I'd come here so quickly and automatically that I was slightly out of breath; it didn't look like he'd been in here all day, and I wasn't entirely sure how many days had passed since I'd last seen him. Instead of leaving, I found myself floating around his suits and running my fingers over the cool metal. I half expected them to come to life and start reprimanding me.

"Jarvis, do none of these doors lock anymore?"

Tony's voice made me jump and I spun around to see him leaning against the doorframe with his hands in his suit pant pockets. He was wearing a dark suit today, very classy, with a black waistcoat, black tie, and white shirt. His hair was more ruffled than usual and hung down across his forehead like he'd been driving with a window down, he was watching me with a soft expression on his face.

"Miss me?" He asked softly by way of greeting, letting an easy smile lit up his face, all bravado after our last encounter.

"Would it boost your fragile male ego if I lied and said yes?" I asked, circling back around the tables toward him.

He licked his lips and pushed himself off the door frame, "Pick up where we left off, Freckles?" He asked and I felt my cheeks heat slightly, his eyes danced with delight at the color.

I closed my eyes for a moment and took a steadying breath, "I need to speak to yo-" I began but he cut me off.

"Let's go for a drive," He said, ruining my setup sentence. He pulled some keys from his pocket. "Have you ever seen what New York is like when you aren't murdering people?" He jabbed, and I rolled my eyes.

"Tony I-"

"Humour me" He replied and without waiting for a response he turned and walked off and once again I was left racing after him.

"Are you always like this?" I asked as we all but marched outside and before I could ask anything he was turning and opening a side door for me, I hadn't realised he'd parked so close to the entrance. I stumbled and stopped at the open door.

"Fun? Always," He said, and when I didn't move forward, he added, "If you don't get in, I'm going to shut the door and you can open it yourself, Freckles"

He watched me as I moved past him and into the car, and I tried not to breathe too deeply as his cologne filled my nostrils, not that it mattered because the entire interior of the car smelled like him. I licked my lips nervously and pulled my seatbelt on. Bucky and I drove cars sometimes, but usually only if it was necessary. Hydra was very good at ensuring we were escorted to and from locations. Tony slid into the driver's seat, and I averted my gaze to my own window as the car began to move. If I forgot the last few weeks and the smell in the car, I could pretend Bucky was driving and that we were together again. My chest ached. I missed him, and I was sick of being here at headquarters and waiting for what seemed like nothing. If they hadn't found him yet, how could they ever hope to possibly find him? Tony seemed to know everything else that was going on in the world; if he couldn't find Bucky, then maybe no one could.

Trees and buildings flew by, and I found myself barely taking notice of them. I was surprised by Tony's silence, as if he knew my brain was going full throttle; he could be surprisingly intuitive and kind when he wasn't being a huge asshole. I have resolved that when I finally told him about Bucky, he likely would not want to help anymore, and that was okay, but Steve had been right; the truth could destroy their entire team dynamic, but Tony needed to know. It was right to tell him. I turned to him to open my mouth and speak once again, but the car was slowing and he was removing his sunglasses.

"You ever been to the beaches here?" He asked casually and the thoughts inside my head drifted away as he turned to look at me the sunlight dancing off his face.

My eyes narrowed, "You don't strike me as a beach guy," I admitted, and he snorted.

"I'm not" He affirmed, "But I have a feeling this is going to be one of those awkward almost-sex conversations that I've had many times with women who I’ve actually slept with who can't help but fall in love with me and aren't interested in casual, which is what I do best, in fact, it's the only thing I do"

Surprise lined my face, followed by disbelief and then anger. He thought I wanted to confess my feelings to him?

"Hang on a minute" I said, "Let's rewind this for a second, you think that after a few minutes" When he looked insulted I reiterated, "MINUTES of, frankly subpar passion (It wasn’t subpar), that I am in love with you? You think that performance in a cold workshop made me swoon?" (It did in fact make me swoon) Now he looked a little insulted.

His mouth opened and closed again, "Okay, I have to admit the conversation has never really gone like this before" He admitted.

I was lying to deflect, of course, the encounter was brief, but it was some of the best almost-sex I'd ever had, and honestly, I'd have been very keen to get some more sessions in. I shook my head, "Tony, I'm not here to confess my feelings for you, I'm fine with casual sex" Maybe it was just my mind playing tricks but he looked a little downcast by the admission, "Bucky-" I hesitated, "The thing is, Bucky killed your parents" The words came tumbling out of me and when they had I wished I could pick them back up again.

Tony's eyes flashed with sorrow before hardening in a way I'd never seen before, "My parents died in a car accident," He responded as if he corrected people all the time.

"Bucky caused that accident, and then he made sure your parents were dead"

His eyes narrowed at me, accusatory and not at all in the light way he usually looked at me. This was the same way he'd looked at me in Stephen's concrete basement, like a threat, like an enemy, "You knew this and you flirted with me and then we almost fucked and now you want to tell me? What is it, guilty conscience?"

My eyes widened, he thought I'd known since before we met and that perhaps I'd been involved in it. I hadn't said a word about Steve or how I knew the information, and by not doing so, I'd put all the blame on myself. It hadn't been my intention, but it would work much better than him knowing Steve had kept this truth for as long as he had, that he'd lied to him. It wouldn't affect their team relationship, and the truth was that I wouldn't be around forever like Steve would in his life; it was better for Tony to believe it was me and to channel all his frustration onto me, even if it did sting.

I stumbled over my words, pinned by his gaze, "I wanted to say something, but I didn't know how," I replied, my voice small.

"You get some kind of sick kick out of sleeping with the guy your bestie made an orphan?" His words stung me deeper than I thought they would, "Do you know how twisted that is? And you don't even have the excuse of forgetting because you have all your memories"

My throat burned, and I wanted to lash out and to say something back to him, but I couldn't bring myself to retort, not when his eyes glistened with the memory of his loss. It would all be over soon, and with any luck, I'd never have to see him again.

"Get out," He said, his voice laced with venom, "Get out of my car"

I shoved the door open, and before I could hear his voice again, I slammed the door, and he sped off, leaving me by the beach, which now somehow seemed dimmer than it had moments ago. My eyes burned. What Tony had said in his anger had really hurt me, especially after all the fond moments we had shared; those moments fell away now, and I wished I could erase them forever so that I could forget his smell, how he tasted, and the way his hands felt against my skin. I breathed in the crisp late afternoon air and shoved my hands in my pockets as I began walking. I wasn't sure where I would go now. I needed to find somewhere to lay low, but after that, I had decided I would find Bucky myself.

The streets were bustling and filled with people, and being in crowds was the only time I ever missed being underground in a bunker, or even at the Avengers compound, sadly enough. Everything I had was there, and I knew I might never see it again now. It didn't matter, as long as I found Bucky. After I'd walked for almost an hour, I found myself thinking of magic and then Stephen and then I stopped in my tracks. The Sanctum Sanctorum. That's what Stephen had called the place he stayed, the same place they had first woken me, but because he had portaled us out, I'd never seen the outside and wouldn't know what I was looking for. A park loomed in front of me, and I wandered in, thankful for the shade of the trees from the evening heat. How could I possibly find Stephen in a city so big? Could I ask people? Was it a well-known place that regular people visited? Unlikely, I couldn't imagine Stephen hosting anyone there. But he was a hero, so perhaps people knew him. I was just working up the courage to ask the nearest person, an unassuming young Mother with a toddler on her hip, when a voice spoke at a distance.

"Freya?"

I swung around, "Peter?"

He stood there with what looked like the aftermath of a well-smashed DVD Player in his arms as well as a bulging backpack on his back and his head was cocked to the side like a curious puppy.

"What are you doing here?" We both asked in unison before giving each other sheepish smiles.

"I'm just heading home from School," He replied, first refusing to acknowledge the DVD player in his hands.

School. Shit. I forgot he was so young, "I'm actually looking for the Sanctum Sanctorum," I said, maybe Peter would know where it was.

"Oh, you want to see Doctor Strange?" He seemed to perk up at the idea, "You're going the wrong way. I can show you where he lives if you want?"

There was something so disarming about Peter, perhaps it was because he was young. I remembered the moment in the kitchen when he'd placed his hand on my shoulder and the look of assurance in his dark eyes, he trusted deeply and unquestioningly. He treated me like a normal person and not like a trained killer and liar, he looked at me like I was a human being and for some reason it soothed my anxiety.

"That would actually be really helpful," I admitted, "I'm a bit lost"

As we began walking back the way I'd come, he said, "Didn't they tell you where to go before you left? Mr Stark should have gotten Happy to bring you, then you wouldn't have gotten lost" He gave me a sideways glance, "Or did you run away?"

His mind moved a mile a minute but he was perceptive enough to realise they'd never have left me wandering around New York city on my own, I appreciated his intelligence, "I didn't exactly run away" I admitted, "You remember we're looking for my friend, Bucky?"

"The Winter Soldier killer dude?" Peter asked casually as if he was used to killers.

"Yes," I said, stifling a bit of a laugh, "The killer dude. Well, it turns out he killed Tony's parents"

"Wait, what?" Peter stopped walking for a moment. "How old is this guy?"

"As old as Steve Rogers, he's been frozen on and off for almost 100 years"

"So you told Mr Stark, and he got pissed off and kicked you out?" Peter summarised and I nodded, "Well, I've done a lot of stupid things and pissed Mr Stark off, but he always forgives me eventually, I'm sure he'll forgive you too"

The innocence in his response made my stomach sink, it was all a bit more complicated than that but I'd told him too much already he didn't need my baggage, it wouldn't be fair on him especially when he was friends with Tony. He'd probably hear of this conversation as well. We walked for a few minutes in silence before Peter stopped and indicated to the double doors in front of us.

"We're here"

The building was massive and just as dark and foreboding as I imagined it would be; everything about it screamed "you're not welcome," which was exactly the kind of vibe that Stephen gave off these days. Peter reached up to knock on the doors, but they opened by themselves to a fancy-looking entrance way and foyer.

"I'd come in with you, but my Aunt May will probably be freaking out as it is," Peter said sheepishly, "So I'd better get home" With that, he turned and walked off around the corner.

Aunt May. Not Mum or Dad. Did that mean that Peter didn't have parents either? I stepped over the threshold and didn't have time to think further as the door slammed behind me, followed by complete and utter silence. Not even the sound of a TV or radio echoing from a far-off room, goosebumps peppered by arms, it was freezing in here.

"Stephen?" I said into the cold, dark foyer as if saying his name might summon him. Silence followed.

In front of me was a large staircase, and slowly I made my way up it. What if he wasn't home? I reached the top of the steps and sighed. I guess I could wait here for him if I needed to.
I sensed the magic before I heard the familiar sizzling of it, and I spun around in time to see a man-sized hole open in the foyer below and Stephen come stumbling out, supported by a stocky man I'd never met, drops of blood littered the floor at his feet and it took me a few moments longer to realise the blood belonged to Stephen. He looked up the stairs and our eyes met, his face was pale and cut, his nose was bleeding badly, and his hand held his stomach, which was also oozing blood.

"Freya?" His voice was little more than a whisper.

I was down the stairs in a heartbeat, grabbing the other side of his body and tugging his arm over my shoulders to distribute the remaining weight.

"What the hell happened to you?" I asked as we dragged him up the stairs.

"We'll take him to the upper deck, I don't want him bleeding all over the foyer tiles," The other man said.

The upper deck had several couches and large windows that looked out on the city. The stranger waved his hand, and they flung open letting in a warm wave of fresh air as we lowered Stephen down onto one of the couches.

"What happened?" I asked again, more impatiently this time.

"He hasn't been practising his defensive shields as I told him he needed to, too busy trying to show off and be a hero, and now look at him, half dead"

I moved his hand away from his body; it fell gingerly off the side of the couch and remained there as he looked up at the ceiling, his breathing laboured. Wasting no tim,e I tore open the front of his shirt to reveal the nasty cut underneath that was oozing blood and slowly killing him. I looked up at his face, and he was watching me with tired eyes as if trying to decide if I was real or whether he was dreaming.

"I say let him bleed out, teach him a lesson" The man was still ranting.

"Can you shut up for two seconds?" I hissed, pushing his hands away as he made to wipe away some of the blood with bandages.

"Excuse me?"

I breathed in a shaky breath. I couldn't believe this was happening, "Stay still," I ordered Stephen, and he gave me the smallest inclination of his head.

Reaching out, I rested my hands on his blood-stained skin and closed my eyes, focusing all my power on his body. Healing people wasn't an enjoyable experience; it was painful and took great energy, especially healing big wounds like this. Stephen shuddered as my magic began to seep into him, and I bit my cheek on the inside of my mouth as the pain started to radiate across my body. No wonder he wasn't saying anything; he must have been in agony. My hands began to tremble until all of a sudden my magic pulsed and drove itself back into me. I fell backwards on the cool tiles of the floor and sucked in a shaky breath as the pain slowly began to subside.

"It's gone," The strange man's voice said, "How did you do that?"

"The same way you travel through portals, magic," I hissed as Stephen took in a sharp intake of breath, "He'll be fine"

"He's an idiot"

"I won't argue with that"

"I'm lying here half dead, and the two of you can't summon a shred of dignity to respect me?" Stephens' voice was hoarse like he'd been screaming for hours.

I smiled despite myself, "Sorry, I used all my dignity saving your life," I retorted as he moved himself into a sitting position and looked down at me on the floor.

"You'd be dead if she weren't here," The man said.

"That's a great observation, Wong, but it begs the question, what are you doing here?" Stephen asked me, and I shifted uncomfortably.

"I can't go back to headquarters," Was the lame excuse I finally settled on.

"And so you’ve come to ask me for help?" Stephen asked, his voice laced with mocking.

It was a low blow and it stung, it was a mistake to come here, "I need to go, this was a mistake" I said finally, pulling myself to my feet, he was right what was I thinking?

"Freya.." He said my name in an impatient tone as if he was frustrated with what he'd said previously, "Wait"

"Look, I'm fine, I just needed a place to lay low and this was it, but you're an asshole and I don't have time to deal with your bullshit right now, Stephen" My eyes burned and I didn't meet his gaze, the use of power and strain on my energy was making me emotional and I wouldn't give him the satisfaction.

"I'm sorry, is Tony not available?" He retorted, his voice accusatory.

My eyes narrowed, "Are you really treating me like I'm the bad guy right now? Or have you forgotten that I was the one who trusted you and that you were the one who had me hauled off to a dungeon?"

"What?" Wong's gaze was steely.

"Oh, he didn't tell you? Stephen and I used to be friends. The last time I was free, I told him I had powers and he sent me back to Hydra to be tortured" I glared at him, "And now he’s jealous because another man exists in my life as if he has some sort of claim on me, my life is none of your business”

"Then why did you save my life? Why bother coming here?" He countered.

His storm-cloud eyes were thundering, and I wanted to tell him that it was because I couldn't bear to lose another person I had known and cared about, that I couldn't stand another loss. I wanted to say that I'd lost too many people and that no matter how much I hated him, there was still a part of me that cherished the moments we had and that if he died, I'd be the only person who had those memories, and I couldn't handle that. I'd lost too much to lose even him. I cared about him.

"Because I'm a sentimental idiot," I breathed, blinking back the burning in my eyes and rushing past him.

I made it to the staircase but he was already at the bottom of them leaning on the railing and looking up at me expectantly, "Freya, please, I'm sorry" He said finally, not moving from the bottom step, "What I said was rude and unkind, what you do is none of my business, I promised you that I wouldn't put you at risk again and I won't, you're welcome here for as long as you need"

His face was genuine as it had been that night he'd made that promise when he came to see me in my room, I didn't like him but I knew that if I stayed I would be safe here, he would stay true to his word even if he did belittle me every now and again.

"Fine, I'll stay," I relented, "But I'm going to find Bucky myself"

Stephen went to take a step and winced, "Wong will show you to a spare room" He said through gritted teeth and I was glad to be able to turn and walk away from him.

Chapter Text

I woke with a start in the middle of the night, the hard wooden floor against my back as my breathing came in gasps. I reached out for the familiar bottle of water, but it wasn't there, and I remembered irritably that I no longer had any. My curtains were open and the lights from the city beyond fluttered through, lighting up the ceiling and the walls in different hours and shades. I hated the sounds of the city; they were so loud and foreign. I pulled myself to my feet and padded over to the window. I couldn't have been sleeping for more than a few hours; it was still the middle of the night. Lifting the window, I breathed in the cool night air and let it soothe my lungs.

"Are you okay?"

I almost fell out of the window at the sound of Stephen's voice. I hadn't even heard him arrive.

"Can you stop doing that?" I asked exasperated, "You just pop up out of the blue like a wraith, and I'm fine"

"You were screaming"

"Well, I'm not screaming anymore, am I?" I barked back, wiping the sweat from my forehead.

I'd been here two nights now and barely spoken to Stephen; I'd been avoiding him, and I knew it was obvious; it had worked so far until now. I turned from the window to look over at him. He was a few meters away, glancing out the window. He wore regular clothes for once, a dark top and pants, his shoes were on, so he hadn't been sleeping, and his hair looked ruffled like he'd been running his fingers through it. If it wasn't for his beard, he'd have looked like the Stephen I used to know, now that he wasn't in his sorcerer attire.

"The day you turned up here, Wong and I stormed a Hydra base alone, but we didn't manage to get inside," He said evenly, "As you may have guessed, their forces were formidable"

"Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"Because when we checked the location again, they were long gone, the chambers they used for you and Bucky are the same, and I had hoped that studying it would help me find a lead, and it did, but I blew it. It's been almost impossible to keep that chamber away from Tony for as long as I have," He replied.

"Wouldn't it be better to give it to Tony?"

"Give him another dangerous weapon to tinker with? I don't think so," Stephen drawled.

"Why do you hate him so much?" I asked, frustrated by his attitude.

"Because he's an arrogant jackass who thinks he knows everything" When I lifted my eyebrows at him, he continued, "Believe me, the irony isn't lost on me"

He was beside me now, mingling in the cool night air, his eyes shimmering blue in the night lights. He turned to look at me then, and our eyes met; his softened slightly as we beheld one another, and it reminded me of all the evenings we'd spent out on the balcony at the Hospital.

"Thank you," I blurted out, "For letting me stay here"

He looked surprised at the thanks, be he hid it well, "It's the least I could do," He muttered, the words floating between us, his voice familiar and deep.

He stood up then to his full height. I had to adjust my neck to be able to keep looking at his face. Without a sound, his hand reached out and snagged a few stray strands of my hair before tucking them behind my ear. My breath hitched in my throat as we continued watching each other in silence until he winced and I raised an eyebrow.

“Are you still sore?” I asked, frowning and reaching out automatically to lift the hem of his shirt, I surveyed the skin I’d healed a few days ago, “It doesn’t look tender” I touched it with my finger and above me, he took a sharp intake of breath.

Distracted from his skin, I let my hand linger there and looked up at him. He was looking down at me with wide eyes and slightly flushed cheeks, and I realised as we stood there how ridiculously familiar I was acting with him. Lifting his shirt and putting my hands on his body as if it were a common occurrence.

His brain seemed to work overtime, and he finally said, “It aches now and again”

I nodded slowly and pulled my fingers away gently, letting his shirt fall back down. “Sorry,” I stumbled over my words, “That was so inappropriate”

[Flashback}

Stephens' fingers brushed against my cheek as his lips moved gently against mine, his kisses were soft but intense, and he groaned gently against my mouth as I tangled my own hands in his hair.

Presently, we were in his apartment so that he could get changed before our dinner date, but the entire process had been derailed when he’d hoisted me up on his dresser and captured my lips with his. We’d been dancing around each other for such a long time, stealing glances and touches, and the tension had finally reached breaking point here in his bedroom as the light of the setting sun burst through the partially open window.
I’d promised myself not to get involved, but I really didn’t see why not now. We were both attracted to each other, and Stephen was a known Playboy; there was no way he’d get invested in me. This was harmless.

My train of guilty thoughts was broken as he pushed himself between my legs, the roughness of his jeans brushing against my exposed thighs as the movement pushed up the skirt of my dress. I moaned gently at the friction as he left a trail of kisses down my jaw and to my exposed shoulder.

“Stephen,” I breathed, which earned a soft groan from him, “We’re going to be late for our booking”

He pulled back to look at me, his eyes shimmering like magical lakes. He looked more alive than I’d ever seen him. He leaned in and kissed me again, his tongue tasting every inch of my mouth. When he finally pulled back from my lips, he ran a hand through his hair and moved his hips closer to mine, nudging himself against me. I bit my lip at the hard roughness I felt.

“I can hardly go to dinner in this state, can I?” He muttered, his voice a low rumble that seemed to vibrate through my body.

“Freya?” My eyes focused on the current Stephen in front of me; he was frowning.

“Huh?” I replied, my cheeks were scarlet, and the room suddenly felt unbearably hot, “Sorry, did you say my name?”

He chuckled softly, “You looked like you were in another world,” He said.

“Oh,” I laughed awkwardly, and I could tell he noticed, “Just remembering old times” I inwardly punched myself. Remembering old times? What the fuck was wrong with me?

He raised an eyebrow playfully then, and I knew I’d said too much, “Old times involving us?” He pointed between us, his eyes were dangerously humorous.

“It was nothing,” I lied.

“Lifting my shirt without my consent and touching my torso reminded you of old times?” His face was serious, but his voice was light, as if he was trying to hold back a laugh.

“Wow, you make me sound like a predator,” I replied, trying to deflect and change the subject.

“I selflessly invited you into my home, I come in to check on you when you’re screaming the walls down, having nightmares, and this is how you repay me?”

My mouth dropped open, “You say selfless, but it sounds like you’re expecting payment of some kind, maybe I’m better off on the streets,” I mocked, turning to grab my jersey.

Before I could reach it, he grabbed my hand and tugged me back to standing. Our chests were almost touching now, his hand was so warm around mine, and I could feel the hum of his magic through his skin. He must have felt it too because we both looked down at our joined hands. Stephen opened his mouth as if he were about to say something, but before he could, there was a loud bang and yelling several streets away. Both of our heads snapped to look out the window at the same time, just in time, in fact, to see a red and blue figure fly past the window and down the street toward the sound. By the time I looked back at Stephen, he was back in his regular attire, his arm moved as if he was about to offer me his hand, but before he could, I launched myself out the window and into the night. The wind snapped passed me as I fell to the ground and landed on it with a thud before launching into a sprint. Stephen flew above me, his cape flapping behind him.

The red and blue figure in front of us was swinging on some kind of long ropes, and when he noticed us, he spun back around, flipped through the air and landed on the concrete in front of me. When he ripped off his mask, I was shocked.

"Peter?" I asked incredulously, for it was surely him in this strange suit swinging around the city like a monkey.

"Hi again," He said sheepishly, "Are you guys heading towards that smoke?"

"You're an Avenger too?" I questioned, I wasn't sure why I hadn't realised earlier that he too was a Superhero.

“Who me?” He pointed at himself, “Oh no way, I’m just your friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man” He pulled his mask back on.

“Spider-Man?” I questioned.

But he didn’t have time to elaborate; instead, he said, “You know that Winter Soldier guy you told me about?”

My heart stopped. “Yeah?”

“I’m pretty sure that’s him messing things up down the street”

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah, long hair, creepy mask, metal arm? I called Mr Stark, but I could really use some help until he gets here”

“You called Tony?!” My chest was filled with panic now.

“He’s on his way now,” Peter confirmed, and before he’d finished the last syllable, I was sprinting down the road toward the screaming and settling dust.

Tony couldn’t get there before me. Ideally, he wouldn’t be coming at all, but if he came now, he’d be coming to kill Bucky, and I wasn’t sure if Bucky would win that fight. I could hear Stephen calling my name, not far behind me and the sound of sirens echoing ever closer to the chaos. I’d almost reached the street when a figure clad in black came smashing through a building. He flew backwards past me so close that I almost stumbled back a step, and as he skidded to a halt against the concrete wall of the building across the street, I saw a large scorch mark on his chest. Tony was already here.
He flew past me in the same red and gold suit he’d been wearing when we first met and he slammed fist first into Bucky who groaned and tried to roll away but the iron suit raised a fist and smacked him in the face before he could, he was lifting his fist to go again when Steve appeared amongst the rubble and grabbed his arm, using all his strength to stop the next blow.

“Tony,” He grunted through gritted teeth, “Stop”

“Stay out of this, Cap, it’s personal”

“It’s always been personal, Tony. He’s my friend, he’s brainwashed”

“Brainwashed or not, this guy is a murderer,” Tony tried to fling Steve off, but he only held on tighter.

I was unable to move as I watched the scene unfold in front of me, rendered useless as I looked at Bucky, his eyes impossibly blue, met mine across the street before he kicked out, pushing Tony off balance and then managed to scramble to his feet and unsheath two guns. I took a step forward. I doubted those bullets could do anything to penetrate Tony’s suit, but there were innocent people around still scrambling away, and I knew that brainwashed Bucky wouldn’t care about them.

“Bucky,” I said as I stepped toward him, and suddenly both guns were trained on me, “Bucky, it’s me”

“Stop calling me that,” He hissed, his fingers tightening on the triggers.

“Buck put the guns down,” Steve said, and something like recognition flickered in Bucky’s eyes, but it winked out as quickly as it had appeared.

“Please, there are innocent people on this street, can’t we just go and talk somewhere?”

“I’m not here to talk, I’m here to bring you back with me, dead or alive”

Footsteps rushed to my side. It was Peter, “Dr Strange is moving people to safety. Are you okay?” Peter asked me.

“I’m fi-” I began to reply, but the muscles in Bucky’s arm tensed as I was speaking, and I knew a mere second before he did it what he was about to do, and my body moved instinctively.

The gun fired, and my arms shot out and pushed Peter out of the way. He stumbled to the side and fell to the ground before rolling back onto his feet. In my haste, I’d been careless and neglected to shield myself from the bullets; one grazed my extended arm, but the other lodged itself in my shoulder, and I hissed at the burn and narrowed my eyes. Worrying about people was a pain; it had me reacting in ways that I wouldn’t usually, like saving Stephen and protecting Peter without using my powers, which could have stopped us both from being hurt.
Blood gathered at the entry point and dripped down my arm. I let it as I beheld Bucky; his eyes held absolutely no emotion, and I knew we’d have to break him out of this trance before we could reason with him. If we could knock him unconscious- before I could strategise anymore, Tony’s ironsuit began to power up, and so I let my power loose and created a shield between him and Bucky, his power hit the invisible barrier, and he swore.

“Please, Tony, let me take him and reason with him. I don’t want to fight you”

“The feeling isn’t mutual,” He replied, lifting his repulsor and firing at me instead.

I didn’t move fast enough, and it slammed into my ribs and sent me flying backwards. I didn’t think he was mad enough to actually fight me. But it seemed that we were enemies now, and even Steve looked confused about it. I sighed as I stood to my feet, wincing.

“Tony, you can’t just start shooting at everyone,” Steve said.

“Me? You’re the reason these two are a pain in our asses right now, you’re the one who agreed to help them, and they’ve done nothing but piss me off,” He lifted his repulsor again, and I braced myself, “I say we blow them sky high”

I moved before he could fire again and brought my power and my fist up against his iron helmet. A loud bang echoed throughout the street, and he went spiralling several feet away before righting himself.

“You murdering us out of revenge makes you better than us, how?” I scoffed.

“Mr Stark, please,” Peter pleaded, “I don’t know what Freya did, but I’m sure she didn’t mean to”

Tony’s helmet receded as he looked at Peter, “Oh, she didn’t tell you why she’s been staying with Dumbledore?” He scoffed, “Her buddy Manson here killed my parents, and she kept it all to herself while I did late nights looking for his sorry ass”

Steve looked at me then with wide eyes. It was clear that Tony hadn’t told him any of this, and he had no idea the real reason that I’d been gone or that Tony had kicked me out of his car that day by the beach. I wondered what Tony had told him instead.

“Wait, Tony,” Steve began.

“Steve,” I warned him, “Shut up”

The punch from Bucky came out of nowhere. We’d all been so focused on the conversation that none of us had registered him moving so swiftly toward me. I went flying back and through the glass display window behind me, glass and electronics flying in all directions. I grunted; he’d used his full strength, and I’d used absolutely none of my abilities to mitigate it. It hurt.

“Seriously, Bucky, come on,” I grumbled, “Why am I the only one getting hit here?” I stood up only to feel the cool metal of a gun against my head, I huffed out a sigh as I turned to look up at him, “Honestly if you shoot me here not only are you going to hate yourself for it but you’re going to look pretty lame shooting someone unarmed” His finger tightened on the trigger, “Okay, okay, Bucky please fight the control, come back” I pleaded, his eyes swirled momentarily.

“Why do you keep calling me that?” He growled.

My eyes turned sad as I looked over his masked face, “Because you’re my best friend and your name is Bucky and one day in the future you’ll remember that and this and I want you to know that I forgive you, for everything, for all of it” My eyes burned but I blinked back the tears, “I want you to know that I tried to come back and get you and I’m sorry I was too late”

The sound of a repulsor charging up filled my ears, and my head snapped to the sound. Tony stood mere metres away, “Two birds with one stone,” He muttered.

“If you fire that repulsor, I’ll turn you and your suit into dust,” I retorted, “If you want to take out your anger on someone, take it out on me, but leave Bucky out of this. It isn’t his fault”

Tony wavered as he beheld us. Maybe it was because I looked so pathetic on the ground covered in dirt and blood, or maybe it was because I was begging for the life of the man about to take mine, but either way, he wavered, and it gave my heart a little bit of hope.

“It was me” Steve’s voice came through clearly in all the commotion.

“Steve, shut up,” I growled.

“Freya, I won't let you take the heat for something I did,” He replied.

I wanted to yell at him, to throw my power out and shut him up, but I could see Tony thinking, and I knew that even if Steve shut up now, he would still figure it out. There was no turning back now. Before any more words could be exchanged, a piece of concrete flew past me, there was a sharp thud, and then the gun slowly fell away from my head as Bucky toppled to the floor unconscious. Hanging off the concrete was a piece of sticky spiderweb. I wanted to thank Peter, but I didn’t have time as I pushed myself to my feet. Tony was rounding on Steve. I turned to Bucky and fell to my knees next to him, pushing the hair out of his face and checking him over. He was okay, just unconscious and malnourished. My eyes burned as I beheld him here in front of me, finally.

“Spit it out, Cap,” Tony’s voice was icy, all humour gone.

Steve sighed, “I’ve known that Bucky killed your parents for a long time, ever since I read the intel on him. I didn’t tell you because I thought Bucky was dead. Then, when we found out he was alive, I didn’t know how to tell you. I told Freya, and she said I should have told you. When I told her I couldn’t, she said she would”

Tony’s face was contorting between sorrow, rage and betrayal, and I found myself standing and taking several steps toward them.

“You knew? All this time?” He said, his voice hollow.

“I’m sorry, Tony”

“YOU KNEW,” Tony’s voice cracked with rage as I reached them. He turned to me, and the burning in his eyes made me almost shrink away, “Why didn’t you tell me that the other day?”

“I didn’t intentionally not tell you that Steve told me,” I said quietly, “You assumed I’d deceived you in some sick twisted way, and I figured it was just easier if you hated me instead. I’m sorry”

Tony worked his jaw as he digested this information, and I was glad then that I’d moved closer because his rage once again turned to Bucky, and he lifted his hand ready to strike him while he was unconscious and easy to kill, but I moved and grabbed his arm, positioning myself between him and Bucky. Our eyes met, and he looked so broken by the betrayal, I wondered if he’d even let me try to talk him down. Beyond him, Stephen had appeared, and he stood with Peter, who was clearly relaying what had happened.

“Move, freckles,” Tony demanded, but there was barely any bite to his words.

“Please,” I pleaded gently, “He’s brainwashed, he has no control over what he does, I know that doesn’t take away your pain, but killing him doesn’t change any of that. He doesn’t deserve to die; he’s spent his whole life a slave to people making him do things he hates. I don’t want to fight you, Tony, but I won't let you kill him. If revenge is what you want, then kill me instead, please” I meant every word of it. Because I would if I had to, I’d fight all of them until my last breath to save Bucky, because for better or for worse, he was all I had. I wondered then if Tony realised that too, or if he just felt bad for how he had accused me, either way his hand lowered and I stumbled forward a few steps, almost into his chest, my arm throbbed now and so did my body, blood dripped down my fingers.

"Thank you," Steve's voice came from behind me. I knew he was talking to Tony.

"I didn't do it for you," Tony replied, every word clipped. He fired his repulsor at Steve instead, sending him flying. "You need medical attention," He addressed me, my hand still on his arm to steady myself.

Perhaps I said what I said next because I knew that Steve would ensure Bucky’s safety in my absence. But part of me knew that if Tony flew off now, there would be no one waiting to comfort him and make sure he was okay, and that broke something in me "Take me with you," I said. I didn't know why I said it; I didn’t think he would.

I remembered cold, painful nights alone with my thoughts, trying to process how I felt, trying to remember memories that slipped away like smoke on the wind. All I could picture in my head was Tony in his big lonely house, tears shimmering in his sad eyes as he nursed a betrayed heart. I took a step closer.

He didn't say anything as he reached out, put one arm around me, and we flew up into the air and towards the Stark Tower.

**************

Tony left me in an open living room when we got back. Medical supplies lay strewn on the coffee table in front of me. I sifted through them and found a cloth and some alcohol. I might heal fast, but the pain was still there. Often, when I'd woken up from hypnosis, any severe injuries had already been dealt with and were well on their way to healing. It's been a long time since I'd had to fix myself up. I ripped the sleeve of my shirt off; it was useless to me now. I had a black singlet underneath, and it would have to do for the moment - I pressed the cloth against the wounds and hissed gently. My chest ached from where Tony had hit me, and I could feel the bruising across my flesh. I was so focused on the stinging pain that I didn't notice Tony's approach. He didn't look at me but took the cloth from me and crouched down in front of me, tending to the wound in silence. I hissed as he pressed harder, and he relented a little, dabbing at the blood, the open wounds already slowly beginning to heal. His eyes were hooded by shadow, but I could tell he was upset. I didn't know what to say to him, so instead, I thought about what I had wanted when I had been in pain. Someone to care, someone to ask what was wrong and just listen.

"Tony," He didn't budge, he didn't even look up at me, he just stared at my shoulder as if he could get it to heal faster with his gaze alone, "Ton-"

"I can't believe he lied to me" Every word was spat out like venom. "I thought we were friends, you know?" He looked up at me, finally, and the emotion in his eyes shattered my heart. They were brimming with unshed tears, and he looked totally devastated. I tried not to show how much his sorrow affected me. He looked away again, "I wish he'd just told me".

"I wish he had too," I said softly. I reached out then, and I wasn't really even sure why; it was like I didn't have a choice. He sat completely still as my hands cupped his face and turned him to look up at me, "I'm sorry, Tony," I said softly, and a single tear fell from his right eye, snaking its way down his face. I wiped it away with my thumb, keenly aware of what a tender and vulnerable moment this was for him. He looked at me for a long time before letting out a loud sigh and reaching up his free hand to grip one of mine, running his thumb slowly over the back of my hand.

“I’m sorry I fired at you. Does it hurt?” He asked softly, his voice was the most vulnerable I’d ever heard.

“Nah, tickles a bit,” I lied sarcastically, and the corners of his mouth twitched slightly.

He paused for a few moments and didn’t look at me when he next spoke, “I missed you” Then, without missing a beat, he added, “But if you tell anyone I said that, I’ll deny it”

The door burst open then, and Steve and Bucky stumbled in. They looked at us, and we looked at them. I pulled my hands away slowly, and he dropped his hand and then stood to his feet.

"There are medical supplies here," He said shortly, not moving from in front of me.

"Tony, look I-"

"I don't wanna talk about it, Cap"

Bucky pulled himself out of Steve's grip, tears in his eyes as he looked at me. I looked up at him, and any control I had over my emotions completely shattered, my entire body began to shake, and I buried my face in my hands as tears poured down my cheeks.

"I was going to kill you," Bucky said into the silence of the room, "And you just stood there and said the dumbest shit" I could hear the tears in his voice, the emotion.

"Rather me than you, Buck," I lifted my head to look at him.

"No, that's bullshit, Frey! It's bullshit," He yelled so loud I winced, "You don't get to decide that!"

"Oh yeah? Then what do I get to decide, Bucky?" I rose to my feet, Tony's hand gone from my shoulder, he looked between us uncertainly, "I didn't get to decide when I got saved or where I ended up, hell, I barely got a say in when we finally decided to save you" Rage and sadness coiled in my chest, the leash exhausted, "Now I save your ungrateful ass and you're going to stand there and tell me that my own death wasn't a choice I get to make?" My fists clenched at my sides, "I am so sick of being controlled and being told what I can and cannot do".

"Frey, I didn't mean it like that" He took a step towards me, and I hesitated. It looked like it broke his heart.

I took in a shaky breath, “They sent some dude here dressed up as you and he killed himself in front of me and I thought you were dead” I wiped my eyes with the back of my hands pathetically, “I’ve never felt so alone, I thought I was going to die, and when I realised it wasn’t you I didn’t even feel relieved because it meant you were still locked up” Tears continued to fall, “I’m so sorry Bucky, that you had to suffer alone again because of me”

Bucky was frantically trying to blink away tears, “Don’t you ever apologise to me again, you hear me?” His voice cracked with emotion, and just like that, he started towards me as my shoulders caved in; once again, he was comforting me. He wrapped his arms tightly around me and pulled me into his chest, “None of this is your fault, Frey, you understand? None of it, you’re not to blame,” He muttered into my hair as he held me, “It’s gonna be okay now, I promise”

**********************************************************

I stayed with Bucky until he fell asleep, his head nestled against me and his breathing slow and peaceful. I was so tired but also terrified it was all a dream that I might go to sleep and wake up to nothing but loneliness once again. Once I was certain he was sleeping, I snuck out of the room and made my way past the kitchen to the outside balcony. A glass clinked as Tony set it down, moisture dripping onto the table on the outside balcony, the nighttime air rustled his hair, and I wondered if I should even have come out here at this time of night. I wasn't even sure why I'd come out here. Tony didn't care if Bucky and Steve stayed or went, and I could tell by how tense he was that even having them here pissed him off. I leaned on the balcony ledge, and even though I didn't look back at where he sat, I could feel his gaze on my back, scanning my injuries. The night lights were beautiful here, something I'd never appreciated, never been allowed to appreciate when I was out killing people and fulfilling my orders.

"I'm sorry," I said finally into the night air, part of me wished I could jump over the edge and soar down into the streets below.

"You don't have anything to apologise for," He replied tightly.

"I feel responsible," I said honestly. I didn't like the rawness of how I felt, and I certainly didn't like sharing it with anyone. I never thought I would find myself on a rooftop being open and honest with Tony.

"You shouldn't, they're big boys, they make their own decisions" He took another sip of his drink.

I heard the clink of his glass as he put it down, "Strange says you're an arrogant asshole and you care nothing about anyone but yourself" I paused for a moment, letting the words sit between us, "Honestly that's probably the nicest thing he's ever said about you" Tony let out a snort of laughter behind me, a smile tugged at my lips. "I guess when you're smart and rich, you have a right to act like that".

"Ouch, Freckles, is this going somewhere, or are you just going to wound my pride all night?"

"Why didn't you kill Bucky?" I didn't want to turn and look at his face.

"Does it matter?" He was moving now, edging closer to me, his footsteps slow and casual.

"It matters to me," I turned around and we were face to face, he looked down at me for a moment, "Why?" I repeated.

"Because you begged me not to," He replied, his voice barely more than a whisper between us.

"Why does what I say matter?"

"Honestly? I don't know" He shrugged his shoulders, lifting his hands in defeat, "But you begged me and you pleaded with me, you stood in front of my blast and took it all, and then you looked at me with those eyes" He paused for a moment, his eyes meeting mine, and I felt my breath hitch. He pointed, "That look," He said, "You could have asked for anything and I'd have done it" A short pause, “That and you threatened to kill me”

I could scarcely breathe.

"Can you be more specific?" I asked, the corners of my lips tugging upward, "Having that kind of power over one of the world's richest and most powerful men could come in handy".

He huffed out a laugh, and the smile that followed was devastatingly handsome. "What do you want, Freckles?"

*******************************************************

The dishwashing water burned my hands as I scrubbed another plate; the fact that I was doing them was a feat in and of itself and had only come after a lengthy argument with Jarvis, who had insisted on ensuring they were done himself. But I needed a distraction, to do something normal to stop my fidgeting. I'd been sitting around all week, and while I was glad for my freedom, I couldn't help but feel useless; there was hardly a place for me in the real world.
I continued to scrub, mindlessly staring at the tiles on the wall in front of me. They were impossibly white, and I wondered if Tony ever even came in here. He hadn't cooked once since I'd been here, so I wondered why he even had a kitchen in this house - possibly just to make it feel more normal.

"You know, I pay people to do that kind of stuff, Freckles," Tony's voice said behind me, and I looked over my shoulder to see him leaning against the doorway, arms crossed casually over his chest.

I scrubbed the last plate in silence, stacking it with the others and grabbing a hand towel to dry my hands before turning to face him and leaning back against the counter behind me.

"I have to do something," I finally said, throwing the hand towel down on the bench, "I feel useless just hanging around in this massive house" I lifted my arms in defeat, "House doesn't seem right, this isn't a home, it's a building. Do you even use this kitchen?" My brows furrowed, and Tony looked surprised at the question.

"We used it tonight," He offered flatly.

"Because everyone was starving," I replied, sighing, "Sorry. I just feel trapped again, like I've traded a small cell for a bigger one"

Tony looked me over for a moment; it felt like he was undressing me. I tried to ignore the feeling.

"You wanna go out?" He asked finally, pushing himself off the wall, "You're not a prisoner here, you can go out"

"Where would I even go?" I asked, running a hand through my shoulder-length dark red hair, "I don't know anyone, I'd just get lost"

"Well, I happen to know a pretty good tour guide" Tony said, taking a few steps towards me, "He's funny, smart, knows his way around, good looking" He trailed off, now less than a meter from me, our eyes met, "Incase you didn't click onto all of that, it's me, I'm the tour guide". I laughed, and he smirked at me.

"Don't you have more important things to do?"

"Depends who you ask," He picked some fluff off of his sleeve, "It's a criminal offence not to take a pretty girl out at least once" His eyes met mine again, my cheeks heated, "Come on, Freckles, humour me"

*************************************************

"Okay, you were right," I conceded, and Tony grinned before taking another bite of his Cheeseburger.

“I usually am, but what about this time?” He asked, scrunching up the wrapper from his cheeseburger and throwing it in the nearby bin.

I reached out with my power and sent the piece of rubbish back towards him, it hit him in the forehead and then flew back into the bin. He gave me a long, unimpressed look before spinning around to lean over the railing and look down at the water below.

“I take it back”

“Wait, you can’t just take it back, Freckles, tell me”

“Are you ever going to stop calling me that? I don’t even have that many freckles,” I complained, and he smiled at me.

“Most girls like the nicknames I give them”

I rolled my eyes, “Well, I’m not most girls”

“No kidding”

We sat in happy silence for a few moments. Tony had been in good spirits the last two days, even if he was still icing Steve out and pretending he didn’t exist. I wondered how long he could keep it up for. Things had been different for us since we’d saved Bucky. I spent most of my time around Tony trying not to look at his lips and remember how they’d tasted and all the areas on my chest they’d roamed. Thinking about it now made my mouth dry. But more than that, he hated Bucky; they avoided each other, which made my life slightly easier because I was usually wherever Bucky was and didn’t have to worry about running into Tony. But Bucky was out today with Steve, at some important meeting I wasn’t invited to, despite Bucky’s irritation. I looked at Tony now, studying his face. Anything between us would never work now, which was a shame because he was proving to be slightly more tolerable than I’d ever admit.

Tony noticed me looking at him, and it earned his full attention, which only made my stomach do flips. “Are you really okay, after everything?” I asked gently, trying to ease into the conversation. Tony had fun; he didn’t do serious conversations, and I felt like my probing would be met with resistance.

His gaze softened, “Aww, are you worried about me?” He cooed like I was a child.

My expression deadpanned immediately, “Never mind, forget I asked,” I replied, and I found myself feeling a little less sorry for him.

Tony chuckled softly, “It’s a lot to process, but I’m fine. Do I still want to blow Cap to kingdom come? Definitely. Maybe I still will” My head snapped back to look at him, only to see him smiling broadly. He didn’t mention Bucky, but I could tell the way his jaw flexed that he was thinking about him.

We made eye contact for a lot longer than I intended, but he was looking at me with such smouldering intensity that I couldn’t bring myself to look away. It was only a large jolt that almost sent me flying that had me looking away.

“What the hell was that?” I muttered, bracing myself for another pulse as my own invisible barriers popped up around us.

A car came skidding to a stop beside us, and a male and female hopped out, brandishing guns and various other weapons; they pointed them at us.

“Tony Stark, I believe you have something of ours.” The male's golden eyes flickered to me. I shivered.

Tony made a great show of checking all of his pockets and pulling out some lint that he let float to the ground before he looked back up, “Nope, nothing,” He replied, and the other man bared his teeth.

“Enough,” He lifted the gun and fired. My power caught the bullet and sent it flying back. He moved just in time, and it exploded through the passenger window.

“They’re super soldiers,” I said, moving in front of Tony, “Tell me you brought a suit with you?”

“Incoming,” He said, and I spun around just in time to lift my hands as the male engaged with me.

We fought for a few moments, throwing punches. I lashed out with my power and sent him spinning down the pavement. People were running away in opposite directions. Where the hell was the female? I spun, then, where Tony had been standing, stood Iron Man, one hand engaged, pushing the female back and the other lifting and firing a shot at the male.

The shot missed, and I was so distracted by Tony’s suit that the male landed a hit, punching me full force on the side of the face. I went tumbling to the ground, spinning several times before landing in a crouch and standing back on my feet.

“Hurry up!” The female yelled.

Before I could move forward, the man lifted a knife to his throat and drew it across, fresh blood flowed out, and I was so stunned I could barely function as he fell to the ground, the knife dropping onto the concrete as his hands reached up to his throat. It was only as the light left his eyes that I realised what was happening, and by then it was too late for me to react. I felt his soul seek me out before I felt him, and even though I prepared myself, I still wasn’t ready for when the sensation hit. You’d think I’d be used to this by now.

“Freckles!” Tony’s voice warned.

I turned to look for him, unable to breathe through the pain surging through the base of my throat; the pain was excruciating. That was when I saw her, standing in front of me, now having moved so fast I’d barely had time to realise or track her movements, gun in one hand and blade in the other, my eyes flickered to Tony and to my surprise I saw his face looking back, the mask of his suit lifted.
I wanted to scream at him, or yell, but nothing would come out; my voice was completely gone, and before he could register the danger, her hand lifted and the gun fired as she shoved the blade into my stomach.

I had a fraction of a second to respond. Panic filled my head, overtaken by dread and confusion, and while I knew that my power could probably save us both, I sent it all hurtling towards Tony to ensure the extra speed would stop the bullet, and it did, thankfully. I would have sighed in relief if I could breathe, but instead my body buckled as the blade slid through me, and I grunted as the force sent me stumbling back several feet.
Tony’s face was slack, the colour draining from it as the bullet dropped to the ground, stopping an inch away from his head. The tinkling of it on the concrete was all I could hear through the roaring in my ears. I began to fall backwards, but an arm stopped me, heavy and unyielding; it was the only comfort I could feel as I stumbled on my feet.

I didn’t need to look up to see who was next to me. His presence was so familiar, like an extension of myself, and he stood unmoving as if his entire body was made of metal. I could feel the fury rippling off him. His free arm lifted, the one still made of flesh and bone, gun in hand, he fired one shot and killed her execution style. Bucky didn’t even watch her fall to the ground; instead, he was crouched down in front of me, his hands touching the blade and my wound, assessing if it was survivable and for a few short moments, I could see the panic in his eyes. His hands were covered in blood as they reached my cheeks and lifted my face to look at him, to stare back into his warm blue eyes.

“You’re gonna be okay, Frey,” He said, but his voice was shaking. “Just hold on, okay? Promise me”

I opened my mouth, “I….” Then everything faded to black.

Chapter Text

Warmth.
I could feel warmth and chatter. But I couldn’t make out what the voices were saying. I could hear them and feel them all around me like they were bouncing off the inside of my skull. It echoed. I scrunched up my face.

Then I woke up with a start.
I sat up straight with a gasp and groaned loudly at the pain that shot through my whole body when I did so. Stephen Strange was kneeling next to me, and he lifted a hand to my shoulder as I gasped for air. I felt as if I hadn’t breathed in days. His eyes were pained. Bucky was sitting on the coffee table across from me, probably as close as Stephen would allow. I sucked in a few more breaths before my breathing became less laboured.

“How long have I been out?” I finally asked.

“Only a few hours,” He replied, the words clipped, “What were you thinking, going out with Tony?”

“I just wanted to leave the house. How was I supposed to know I was going to get attacked?”

He was on his feet now, pacing, the warmth of his hand on my shoulder a faint memory as he rubbed his temples.

“You can’t just go outside and sightseeing, Freya,” He pleaded, “Those people are still after you, and if anyone else has realised what you are then they will come for you too”.

“So I’m stuck? In this prison of a house for the rest of my life?” I stood to my feet and winced. He moved to steady me, but I waved him away, “I will not be a prisoner, Stephen”

“You won't be, but for now you have to stay indoors, it’s the only way to ensure your safety” His eyes met mine, “And the safety of others”

“Stephen?” Bucky finally spoke, but he wasn’t looking at me; he was looking at Stephen, “The Stephen?” He looked at me for confirmation, and I hesitated too long to hide it, “The asshole who got you sent back to Hydra?”

“Buck,” I began, but he cut me off by standing up, and before either of us could react, he’d pulled his fist back and swung it forward, colliding with Stephen’s jaw and sending him stumbling back a few feet.

“You son of a bitch,” Bucky hissed, pulling his fist back for another hit.

To his credit, Stephen didn’t flinch. Instead, he stood ready to receive another hit from Bucky’s human hand. I was surprised he hadn’t used his metal one. I suppose he was a little grateful that Stephen had saved my life just now.

“Bucky, stop,” I moved forward and grabbed his arm before he could swing it forward. He dropped it back to his side, and the movement yanked me into him. He turned to look at me, his eyes blazing, “He just saved my life, can we call it even?” I offered lamely, and Bucky scoffed and flexed his jaw.

“You can hit me as ma-” Stephen started.

We both turned on him and barked, “Shut up”

“If I’d known you’d only let me hit him once, I’d have done it harder,” Bucky said, flexing the fingers on his metal arm.

Stephen’s jaw was already starting to smart, but he didn’t bother to assess it. “Well, to be fair, I thought I’d be dead by now,” I replied evenly.

“He’s right about one thing, though: what were you doing out with Tony anyway?” Bucky asked, finally, Stephen’s shoulders seemed to relax as he began to gather up his supplies.

“I just wanted to do something, anything,” I admitted, “What's the point in being free if I’m stuck here?”

Bucky sighed, and his facial expression softened, his eyes finding mine, “Then let's do stuff together, you think I want to be stuck in here?”

“What would Hydra say, their feared Winter Soldier eating cheeseburgers?” I replied, and it earned a smile from Bucky.

It was then that I remembered the bridge and Tony.

“Tony, is Tony alright?” I asked, and Stephen waved away my concern.

“He’s fine, barely a scratch”

I hadn’t noticed that he was fully dressed up, the golden chain back around his neck and his sentient cloak draped over his back; it moved slightly as if to acknowledge me as my eyes gazed over it. It really was a beautiful piece of outerwear.

“Please, keep yourself safe” The pleading in his eyes caught me off guard. “I need to get back,” He announced, and without another word, he left us standing there.

*********************************************************************************

“Are you crazy?”

Tony’s voice echoed through the room. At least an hour had passed since Stephen left, and I was leaning against the large, expensive window, letting the coolness of it press against my forehead. I wasn’t sure I had the energy for this sparring match and I wished he would lower his voice.

“What the hell was that?” Tony continued.

“You have a really weird way of thanking someone for saving your life,” I retorted, “Tony, I’m not in the mood for this”

“Oh, saving my life? Is that what that was? Cause from where I was standing, it looked like you were trying to commit suicide!” I flinched at the tone of his voice and didn’t bother turning to look at him.

“I don’t have the energy for this, Tony” My voice was resigned.

“Good, maybe you’ll listen for once,” He spat.

I blinked back the burning in my eyes and swallowed the emotions creeping up my throat before pushing myself off the glass and walking away from him. I wasn’t in the mood to be yelled at or told off again. Tony’s footsteps echoed behind me.

“Leave me alone, Tony,” I said.

A door slammed open to our left. Bucky appeared with his eyes still half lidded as if he’d just woken up from a nap, which was why I’d hoped Tony would be quiet. Bucky had already punched one Avenger today, and I was certain he wouldn’t hesitate to punch another.

“Not until you tell me what the hell you were thinking, almost getting yourself killed,” Tony insisted.

“Hey, she told you to leave her alone,” Bucky finally said. He was walking closer to us with purpose.

“This is none of your business, McJagger. Go back to bed” Tony shooed him away like a petulant child, and I turned around just in time to watch them meet face to face. Bucky shoved him, and Tony fell back a few steps, his jaw tightening as he caught his balance.

“Everything to do with her is my business, asshole,” Bucky seethed, “She sure as hell doesn’t owe you an explanation, she’s the one who almost died”

“Almost died because she saved me instead of saving herself, did she tell you that?” Tony pointed at me accusingly, and all of a sudden, I missed the Hydra cave, “And the only reason you’re alive, you parent murdering bastard, is because I’d have to kill her to kill you, so how about you back off?”

Bucky’s eyes narrowed, and I knew from Tony’s implicit omission in that sentence that he now realised whatever Tony felt toward me wasn’t just camaraderie, it was something deeper, maybe deeper than Tony even realised. Choosing not to kill Bucky to keep me alive, being so angry at me for almost dying, all implied that Tony cared about me more than he cared about his revenge, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.

“The cell in Hydra is the only home I have ever known, it’s where my memories begin, and they’re the only memories I’ve ever had. I’m not sure what I was thinking when my power surged towards that bullet; all I know is that the desire to protect you was greater than my desire to protect myself. So my power complied,” I sighed, “I’ve never needed to control my power in fights, not really physically, it’s intuitive, and if I’m not using it purposely, then it will act intuitively to protect me. Today, in any other circumstance, my power would have protected me out of instinct, but after my chat about Astralis things with my powers have been different, I can control them differently, and I’m still figuring out how that works.” I scratched the back of my neck, “When I fight with Bucky, I don’t have to protect him, not usually anyway, because he’s built like me. But you’re a human, and if that bullet hit your head, you would have died”

“You almost died, freckles,” Tony said finally.

“I know,” I replied, “I was there” He looked exasperated, “Bucky, it’s fine, I can deal with this”

He didn’t reply, and he didn’t look at me; he just turned and stalked away down the stairs, probably to find Steve. I felt guilt wash over me. If he thought there was something between Tony and me, then he knew it could only have happened while we were separated; once again, I’d betrayed him and enjoyed myself while he suffered. I turned and walked out onto the balcony. Tony followed me.

Stephen was right; he didn’t look ruffled at all. In fact, he barely looked like he’d even been in a fight. I probably looked like roadkill in comparison. He took a step closer.

“You don’t need to protect me,” He said gently.

I shook my head, “Everyone needs to be protected now and again, Tony”

“Not me”

“Stop it”

“Stop what?”

“You know what!”

“I have no idea what you mean”

“Stop acting like you’re the only person who gets to care about people!”

Silence.

“I don’t have anyone who cares about me, freckles”

I scoffed, “Oh yeah, I saved you and took a blade to the abdomen because I don’t care about you” I rolled my eyes; he was impossible.

“You’d be the first,” He admitted, the hurt in his eyes betraying the casual tone of his voice.

“Tony, that’s not true. I know Steve has hurt you bu-”

“Look, are we done here? Because if we’re done with the sappy crap, I have work to do” He turned to leave, but I grabbed his arm.

“Don’t walk away from me”

“Or what? What are you going to do, Star Keeper?” He spun around to look down at me, our faces barely an inch apart; he’d read the book.

My breath hitched as I took in his whole face, his eyes shimmered hazel in the night light, and I could see the pain radiating there, the loneliness. Before I could stop my hand, it was reaching up to cup his cheek, my thumb tracing his jaw and bottom lip, the stubble tickling the skin. I wanted desperately to kiss him, but I couldn’t bring myself to. He was so still I wondered if he was still breathing. My hand dropped from his face as abruptly as it had appeared there, and I looked away from him, the tension between us only slightly easing. He took in a heavy breath.

“Nothing,” I muttered, “There is nothing I can do” I splayed my fingers as I looked down at my hands.

And it was true. I was stuck here, I had no family, no friends and nowhere else to go without fear of being hunted or killed, and it seemed like the people here were willing to protect me for the time being.

“Ah, come on, freckles, don’t get all pouty on me” Tony’s arm lifted, and in one fluid movement, he pulled me into his chest. He smelled clean and masculine with a hint of whiskey. I tried not to breathe in too deeply.

His other hand lifted and absentmindedly began rubbing my hair. I could just see the city lights past his arm and hear his heart beating steadily. I blinked back the burning in my eyes. His chin rested gently on the top of my head as we stood in silence. We pulled slowly apart after a few more moments, his hand dropping from my hair to my cheek and cupping my face gently. His fingers were calloused and warm, and his thumb brushed across my cheek several times as he looked at me.

“Thanks,” He said so abruptly that I almost jumped, he looked like he was in pain.

I frowned at him for a moment, “Is that word so foreign to you?” I asked, a smile playing on my lips.

“No, I use it, one or twice a year,” He muttered quickly, and I bit my lip to stop myself from laughing.

“Once or twice in your lifetime, I’d wager,” I finally grinned, and I could see that he, too, was trying to hide a smile.

“Alright, alright” His hand was still on my cheek as he looked down at me, “There are plenty of other ways to thank people”

I rolled my eyes, “Like what?”

I prepared for him to say something witty and sarcastic, but instead, he dipped his head with uncanny precision and brushed his lips against mine, his facial hair brushing against my skin and making it tingle. I was so caught by surprise that I barely kissed him back as butterflies erupted in my stomach. I didn’t have much time to think as he pulled back to look at me again, his body now almost pressed against mine.

“I hope that’s not how you thank everyone,” I breathed, and he chuckled gently, his thumb making idle circles on my cheek.

I opened my mouth to say something else stupid, and I was thankful that before I could speak, his mouth caught mine again, and I was so caught up in the feel and the taste that my mind went completely blank. My hands lifted to his shoulders, resting there for a moment until they snaked around his neck, intertwining with the short hair at the back. He sighed heavily into the kiss as if he’d been starved of it, and I bit back the urge to do the same. His body was warm against mine, one hand still glued to my cheek while the other pressed softly against the small of my back, making it impossible for me to move away even if I wanted to. I didn’t want to. My magic hummed inside me.
Barely any time passed before he was withdrawing again, and I wished I had the confidence to chase his lips and demand another kiss, but instead I stood still, probably looking like a complete idiot. To my relief, Tony pulled me gently into another warm embrace, and together we stood on the balcony, cool air swirling around us.

“Sooooo this doesn’t feel casual,” I said into his chest, my voice muffled, and he pulled back to look down at me.

“Well” He said, his voice a dangerously low tone as he leaned down and pressed a kiss to the side of my neck just under my ear, “I’d be more than happy to take you down to my workshop and carry on where we left off” He kissed a small trail along my neck before stopping, licking my skin softly and then sucking on it gently, I shivered and I felt him smile against my skin.

His lips made their way along my jaw toward my mouth, but before he could get there, his jacket began to vibrate and ring. He reached his hand inside to retrieve the device as he groaned angrily against my skin.

“This better be good,” He said, holding the device to his ear as his eyes looked me over. He lifted his free hand and caught my chin in his fingers, running his thumb across my bottom lip. The sensation made my lips part of their own volition, and the pleased look he gave me sent heat through my entire body. His thumb stopped its movement, “Right now? It can’t wait an hour?” He winked at me, and I rolled my eyes as his hand dropped from my face, “Alright, I’ll be there in 15”

I raised my eyebrows at him as he tucked his phone away, “Duty calls?”

He leaned forward and kissed me again, but it was far too brief, “Hold all those thoughts,” He said against my lips before he pulled back and gave me one last sweep with his eyes.

I stood on the balcony hours later, not because I was waiting for him to return but because I needed the cool of the air to clear my head. Because I knew we couldn’t be a thing, this wouldn't work, we couldn’t be together, not like this, probably not ever. But something about him disarmed me and made it impossible for me to deny the kisses and the affection; something about him made me let my defences down. Next time we were alone, I needed to tell him we couldn’t keep doing this.

*****************************************************************

Sizzling and hissing filled the kitchen as I tried my best to flip a half-done pancake in one pan and fry some bacon in another. I'd never cooked a meal before, but everything was hot and nothing was on fire, which was more or less what Jarvis had instructed me to do. I was more surprised that all the items I needed were stocked than that the cooking was going well. It was easy to cook multiple things while using my powers, even if it seemed a crime to use them for something so trivial.

"Since when do you cook?" Bucky's voice questioned behind me as he approached and looked over my shoulder, swiping a piece of bacon.

"Since I became so bored, I thought I might drop dead if I spent another morning doing nothing," I sighed, turning the elements off and dropping everything onto some plates.

Bucky put his arm over my shoulders and snagged a pancake, shoving the whole thing into his mouth. "It's good," he said, his voice muffled because it was so full, "It won't be forever, at least we're here together".

He was right, of course, he usually was. Before I could reply to him, Tony and Nat turned the corner into the dining space, deep in conversation with each other. Bucky’s eyes narrowed at their approach, particularly fixed on Tony, and his arm tightened around my shoulders as he snagged another piece of bacon.

“Well, hey, if everything goes to shit, you could become a cook,” Bucky exclaimed, and I shoved him away from me as he laughed, “One of the world's most deadly assassins turned restaurant cook”

“That’s it, I’m turning you back into Hydra”

“Take that apron off and say it again, it might actually be scary” He chuckled, and the sound of his laughter lifted my heart as he grinned at me.

I moved to round the bench to catch him off guard, but stumbled as my forehead began burning as if someone was sticking a hot poker right through it, my eyes began to water as I grasped onto the edge of the bench so hard my knuckles began to turn white. I lifted my free hand and pressed it against my forehead, the burning only getting worse. Images flickered in front of my mind: a young family in a run-down house huddled in a corner, a baby being born, intense love and the barrel of a loaded gun and oblivion. I gasped for air as I snapped back to reality, the burning slowly beginning to recede.

“Frey?” Bucky was in front of me, his hands on my shoulders, and I let my head fall forward and rest against his chest as he rubbed my back.

I couldn’t afford to be debilitated again like I had been the other day, rendered useless by the absorption of a soul and unable to use my powers effectively. What was up with the flashes of family? This guy had died thinking of them, shot right in the forehead in some dark and secluded alley somewhere in this city.

“Maybe you should sit down,” Steve's voice.

“I don’t need to sit down, I just need to be able to deal with this,” I hissed. I was still annoyed at him.

“Here,” Tony appeared next to me. He was wearing a suit, and if I hadn’t been keenly aware of Steve and Bucky, I probably would have appreciated the view for a few moments longer. He must have seen the look in my eye because he bit back a smirk, dangling a cup of coffee in front of my face to distract me. “It’ll help,” He added.

Bucky snatched it from his hands and swallowed a gulp before offering it to me. I rolled my eyes and sighed as I took a sip, feeling content as the warmth spread its way throughout my body. Tony was still looking at me, concern etched over his face as he fixed his tie and cleared his throat.

“I have to go out, Manson, you’re on babysitting duty,” Tony announced, and I threw him a dirty look. He winked at me.

“I don’t need ba-”

“We can do some sparring with Steve,” Nat cut in, before Tony and I could get into another lengthy dialogue - she gave Tony a look that I knew translated to “Did you have to?” before the latter turned to walk away.

*************************************

Bucky's fist collided with my face, and I hit the floor with a grunt. Drops of our sweat on the padded mats made it hard to get up he reached out, helping me get back on my feet. We’d been sparring on and off for an hour or so, my muscles ached, and for once in the last month, I felt alive. Bucky let me go, and we stood opposite each other, panting, grins on our faces.

“You’re good at hand-to-hand, but what about your magic control?”

I almost fell back over. Stephen Strange stood, dressed in casual clothes, leaning against the doorway several metres from Steve, who didn’t look surprised to see him at all.

“What the hell are you doing here, asshole?” Bucky groaned.

Stephen at least had the humility to look a little sorry; the expression didn’t suit him, but I supposed he still felt guilty for his past mistakes as well. “I only came to help Freya with her magic control, nothing more, unless there is someone else here who wields magic that can help?” He raised his eyebrows, “I’ll leave if you want me to," He added, but it was directed at me.

I looked between them for a few moments, completely exasperated by all the continual tension between everyone. Steve stood on the edge of the ring very wisely, looking away. Nat became very interested in several blades sheathed against the wall.

“It’s fine,” I said, finally waving everyone's concern away as if it were tangible around me. Bucky rolled his eyes and stomped out of the ring just to spin around at the edge and lean there with his arms crossed.

"Did you have to think much before?” Stephen entered the ring, pulling up the sleeves of his shirt to reveal his forearms. I tried to ignore the gesture.

“It was more intuitive, but I haven’t had a chance to use my powers much since I’ve had more direct control over them,” I explained before taking a long gulp of water.

“Your powers are usually invisible, aside from the altercation with Thor. Have you ever tried making them visible?” He looked at me now. He was taller than Tony, his eyes many shades lighter. Today they looked bluer than their usual grey, and his hair was slightly tousled as if he’d been running his fingers through it; it looked better messy. He frowned at me then, and I realised I’d been studying him too long.

“I haven’t tried since then,” I replied automatically, dragging my eyes from his face and looking down at my hands.

“Try now”

I flexed my fingers and let my power reach out a tendril. At first, there was nothing. I concentrated harder, my body tensing.

“Relax,” Stephen commanded, and my body obeyed.

My eyes widened. At first, it looked like glitter falling through the air, but soon stretching from me was a single white tendril that seemed to shimmer and shake between us. I reached out to touch it, and it felt warm and heavy.

“Amazing,” Stephen said. “Hit me with it”

“I’m sorry, what?” I said, taken aback by his request.

“Hit me with it”

“Stephen I-”

“What? You worried you can’t?”

A smile broke out on my face, “Come on, don’t go-”

“You’re right, you probably can’t hit me”

“I’ll hit him if you don’t,” Bucky added, and I heard Nat stifle a snort.

The tendril flashed out, but he deflected it with his own magic. It was the first time I had seen it properly, the orange power flashing between his hands that deflected my own tendril. I could feel it through mine, and I frowned, reaching out again, this time not to hit. Stephen's brows furrowed. Our powers touched, a car crash flashed before my eyes, blood and water, and it was hard to breathe, I could smell dirt and gasoline and felt helpless. I disconnected our power.

Stephen didn’t seem shaken or as if he had seen anything at all. He blinked at me, uncertainty clouding his eyes. I took a deep breath and lashed out at him again. He deflected it again, but this time slightly slower than he had previously. I pushed away whatever memory I had unlocked from him and instead focused on how his power felt; it was warm and strong, determined, which I supposed matched what I already knew of him, but there was a softness and a vulnerability. I closed my eyes and let myself feel for weakness as our powers hit each other over and over again, and then I found it, that weakness, and slipped in unhindered. It was like a maze, dark and cold in these vulnerable areas and the deeper I slunk in, the more I wondered if I would ever be able to crawl my way back out. His magic was so warm and comforting.

Fear. I could feel fear. I stopped abruptly. My eyes were closed, but I heard the slap of Stephen's knees on the padded ground, and I went to begin my retreat from within his power, but the fear around me closed in, and I realised that I had complete control right now, and I was inadvertently trying to absorb him, it was the first time it had felt almost good. With horror, I realised that I could replay any memory, cause any pain and destroy him from the inside out, all because I had found this weakness and had all but entered his soul. I tried to calm my panic. I would have to exit slowly and carefully, gently. I focused on warmth and tried to imagine hugging him instead of invading his privacy as I slowly retracted my power, ignoring every memory that came knocking and every distraction. I could hear yelling in the real world, footsteps, probably Bucky and Steve moving toward Stephen, but I focused only on Stephen and what I could see and feel right now. When I forcefully absorbed people for Hydra, I rarely saw anything; I never looked around. I just dragged them, like pulling on a rope; this was much more intimate.

I pulled free, and my eyes flew open. He was kneeling a few meters in front of me, his eyes wide in shock and his hands slack at his sides, just staring at me. Bucky hadn’t moved.

“What did you do?” He asked, his voice was hoarse.

“Are you okay?” I fell in front of him and grabbed his face without thinking, “Can you move?”

“What did you do?” He repeated, still unmoving.

“I don’t know,” I admitted, “I could feel your power, and the longer I felt it, I could feel the vulnerabilities and manage to slip in and look around. But I swear I didn’t know I could do that, absorbing someone has never felt like that before”

“What did you see?”

How did he know I had seen anything?

I shook my head, “At first, your car crash, but then nothing, I didn’t want to see anything, so I blocked it out, I just wanted to see where the path led to”

“You were killing me,” He said it so matter-of-factly that my hands dropped from him, “You were draining my life”

I flinched away from him, a hand flying to cover my mouth and mask my shock. That’s why I had felt fear, why I had been able to project memories and make him feel whatever I wanted him to feel while I was draining everything from him. My eyes burned. This was how I could do it, how I could forcefully extract souls from people, and I’d just almost done it to Stephen during a friendly spar because it had felt good. So many things I’d blocked out from my time working as an assassin for Hydra, and this was just another one of them.

I was going to be sick.

“You didn’t mean to, Freya,” He said, his voice gentle and calm as he reached for me, but I moved back and away from him.

“Don’t touch me, I don’t want to hurt anyone,” I said, my voice muffled as unshed tears began to fill my eyes.

He spread his arms, “I’m not hurt, look, and you aren’t using your powers right now,” He reassured me.

A few tears escaped, “I’m so sorry,” I whispered, and Stephen’s sapphire eyes shattered like glass.

“You don’t have to be sorry”

“I’m a monster,” I said, looking at my hands.

“You’re not a monster, Freya”

“Frey,” Bucky’s eyes were filled with pity. Steve stood next to him, his face filled with worry.

I pulled myself to my feet, overwhelmed with guilt and shame, “You should have left me in that Hydra cave,” I choked out before jumping out of the ring and running out of the room.

“Freya!!”

I knew he would follow me. I wasn’t sure where I was running to; aside from never-ending rooms, there was really nowhere to go. I could take my pick. I found myself descending the stairs into Tony’s workshop and pushing open the door. The room smelled like him, grease and oil, and once I was in there, I realised there was really no other way out. I sighed, defeated, tears fresh on my face.

“Please,” Stephen said, “I’m fine, I promise”.

“What if you hadn’t been?” I spun around, “What if I hadn’t stopped?”

“But you did stop”

“But what if I hadn’t?”

“Then I’d possibly be dead, but it still wouldn’t be your fault, Freya,” Stephen insisted, “You didn’t do it on purpose”

“All those people,” I could barely get the words out, “The things I did, that Bucky and I did” I trailed off, “But Bucky was brainwashed, I wasn’t, don’t you understand?”

“Weren’t your fault either,” Stephen said, his voice firm. I opened my mouth to speak again as he took a few steps towards me, now less than a metre from me, he muttered, “You better not be opening your mouth to say sorry again,” He warned.

“Okay, okay,” I relented, “But why was it so easy to get past your defences?”

He looked at me for a long moment before he allowed a whisper of a smile to grace his face, “When have I ever been able to keep my defences up around you?” When I was too shocked to respond, he added, “We can try again tomorrow”

“No, Stephen, I can’t do it again”

“If you want to master your powers, then you have to,” He said, his voice surprisingly gentle, “I trust you, can you trust me?”

I couldn’t reply, too surprised to vocalise anything, instead I nodded as he pushed some hair out of my face and lifted my chin so he could easily look into my eyes, “I’ll see you then,” He said before turning and leaving.

***********************

I stayed down in Tony’s workshop for much of the day, leaving only to shower and change my clothes before heading back down and occupying a swivel chair that I began to spin in while looking up at the ceiling. Steve had taken Bucky out with him on a mission, which seemed to be becoming more and more common.

“Jarvis?” I asked into the silence of the room.

“Yes, ma’am?” Jarvis responded. I cringed.

“You can call me Freya”

“Yes, Freya?” Jarvis amended, and I smiled.

“Is there anyone else like me?”

“There are plenty of people who can use powers on Earth and other planets beyond ours, would you li-”

“No, I mean,” I paused, “Bring up anything and everything on Astralis and Valen,” I requested. Next to me, a holographic computer came to life, files and pictures spread across the screen.

A picture of Astralis herself was in the middle. We looked similar, but now that I was able to look at her properly, I could see we weren’t identical. I reached out to move some information around. A lot of it wasn’t new and had been in the book that Stephen had given me weeks ago. I opened my mouth to request information on myself, but realised that I only knew my first name, Freya, and I had no idea if that was actually my name.

I gulped, “Bring up everything on Soul Harvester”

Files slid away and new ones took their place, hundreds of News articles about killings and various blurred pictures of myself and Bucky in all black outfits, indistinguishable. I flicked through them all. I didn’t need to read them; eventually, I came to a picture of a little girl who looked no older than 4. I studied her face for a few moments before gasping. It was me. A missing persons notice that had been linked to the Soul Harvester. There was no name.

There was nothing else to link me to anything, and I sighed heavily.

There was a knock at the door, “Hello? Special delivery,” Tony’s voice echoed through the dull workroom, and I looked over my shoulder at him.

His longish hair was scruffy, and he’d changed out of his suit and into regular clothes; his face was playful, but I could tell by the look in his eyes that he knew what had happened today, which didn’t surprise me.

“You must have the wrong address,” I said, waving my hand at him, “I didn’t order anything” I wanted him there, but I didn’t want to have to tell him about my decision.

“That’s the great thing about special deliveries,” He continued, “They’re usually ordered for you and turn up at just the right time” He winked at me, and I rolled my eyes, unable to stop a smile from forming on my face.

He was in front of me now and pulled out a device that he tapped once, and a still of an image appeared, briefly paused before playing. It was Stephen and I sparing, him falling to his knees in pain, and me standing completely still with my eyes closed. The video winked out and was replaced by Stephen and me talking in the workshop.

“Do you spy on everything I do?” I asked, frowning.

“Only the good stuff,” He replied, pulling up an extra chair and sitting down facing me, “What happened?”

“You saw what happened,” I gestured towards the device, “I almost killed Doctor Strange, and then I ran off and cried about it”

Tony huffed a laugh, “I can’t pretend I’m too sad about you almost killing the Wizard,” He admitted before willing his face into seriousness, “You okay, sweetheart?” He asked, his voice gentle.

“I’m fine,” I lied, “Just researching, trying to figure out who the hell I am”

“You look miserable,” He remarked, and I turned to look at him again. He gave me a half smile that I didn’t return.

“I almost killed someone today, by accident, Tony”

“Right, but you didn’t actually kill him."

“I know bu-”

“No buts, freckles, how many people do you think the rest of us have accidentally almost killed? Or actually killed?”

“Tony, I-”

“Would you just listen to me?” He grabbed my hand and pulled me closer to him, so close our legs were touching, he intertwined our fingers, “I know it’s horrible” His voice was low and soothing, “But better for it to happen here than out there when we’re in a real fight, you didn’t hurt him, we can work through it” He lifted the hand that he was holding and pressed a kiss to the back of it.
I didn’t know what to say, so I just watched as he planted another kiss on the back of my hand, his eyes never leaving mine. It made me shiver.

I opened my mouth, “Tony, we need to ta-”

He stood up and pulled me to my feet, cutting me off, “Surely you’re hungry at least?” He said, his hand still holding mine.

“I could eat”

“Good,” He leaned down and pressed a kiss to my lips, his lips were soft and warm, and they moved against mine with expert precision.

I knew it was meant to be a quick kiss before we headed upstairs, but I couldn’t help myself. My hands found their way to his shoulders and then around his neck, his hands found my waist, and his fingers brushed the sliver of exposed skin there, an act I was sure wasn’t an accident. I shivered, and he smirked into the kiss, ensuring that his hand rested against my bare skin.

We pulled apart slowly, “Or we could just stay here,” He breathed, pressing his lips to mine again.

I stifled a laugh, and as if on cue, my stomach rumbled between us, our bodies pressed together so close I was positive he probably felt the vibrations. He pulled away again, lifting his head and pressing his lips against my forehead before grabbing my hand and dragging me after him.

“Come on”

****************

“You can’t actually cook, can you?” I asked, finally, leaning back on the couch we were sitting on, full to the brim.

“Define cook”

“I’ve been here for almost 2 months, and I’ve never seen you cook anything. I haven’t even seen you make coffee”

“I’m feeling very attacked right now,” He finished the last bite of his cheeseburger, “I create suits of armour that save the world, and you’re concerned with my cooking skills?” He rested his arm on the back of the couch behind me, turning to face me. “Besides, didn’t you literally cook for the first time this morning? Less than 24 hours ago”.

“That’s not the point,” I laughed, as he reached out and began twirling a piece of my hair around his finger.

“Then what is the point, honey?” He asked.

“Don’t do that,” I smiled and looked away from him, my cheeks heating.

“Do what?” He frowned deeply.

“Don’t act like you don’t know, it’s insulting, you know exactly what you’re doing” I gave him a light shove.

“But it is working?”

I looked back at him and tilted my head, “Shut up,” I laughed, “Tony, we can’t do this”

He made a show of zipping his lips and throwing away the key as I leaned forward and kissed him, despite his display, his mouth opened and he kissed me back, his hand moving from my hair to my cheek so that he could draw me closer.

“What do you mean? We’re doing this just fine,” He muttered against my lips as we kissed.

“Sir” Jarvis' voice cut through the silence. He didn’t pull back, “Doctor Banner is here”.

Tony pulled back only a little to say, “Tell him I’m busy,” and I laughed as he pulled me into his lap, “Very busy,” He added, his lips pressing hard against mine again, hands on my hips.

“He’s not leaving, sir,” Jarvis continued.

“Of course he’s not,” Tony grumbled, dropping his hands to his sides and sighing loudly.

I tried to move off him, but he stopped me, studying me with his dark eyes, “What is it?” I frowned at him.

“I’m just taking in what he's interrupting so I can be extra pissed when I see him,” I laughed, and Tony laughed too. I leaned down and kissed him again, and he groaned with frustration before sliding off the couch and breaking our contact.

I flopped back on the couch lazily. He looked at me and sighed again before strolling over to the elevator as it dinged and the doors slid open. Bruce looked just as I remembered him from all those months ago when we had first met.

“Hey, Tony” His voice was husky.

“Impressive timing as always, Banner,” Tony replied, leading him over to the couch.

Bruce saw me finally, and his eyes widened, “I didn’t realise you had company”.

I let out a huff of laughter, “It’s okay, I’m just a fugitive using his house to lay low”

“You wound me, I thought we had something special, freckles” Tony placed his hand over his heart. Bruce only looked more confused at our exchange, “You remember the Witch we abducted?” Tony added.

“I’m not a Witch,” I responded immediately and couldn’t help but realise how much like Stephen I sounded. There really wasn’t any arguing about it. Tony would call us what he wanted, regardless of what we said, “Nice to see you again, Bruce”

“You’re sleeping with the Witch now? Tony, I thought you were past this whole th-” Bruce began.

I snorted loudly, “I’m not a Witch, and we are not sleeping together”

“Not for a lack of trying,” Tony muttered, “Banner, stop” He held up his hand to stop him from talking, “And you, zip it,” he sai,d looking sideways at me.

Bruce was silent, still looking nervously between us.

I stood up, “Hey, he might listen to every word you say, but you’re not bossing me around, Stark” I raised my eyebrows at him.

“Oh, it’s Stark now, huh?” For once, Tony looked uncertain, his eyes concerned.

“I’m getting a drink,” I said finally, I don’t want to extend his discomfort. “Do you boys want anything?”

********************************

I wandered off to get drinks, being sure to take my time. I hadn’t expected Bruce’s words to make both Tony and me uncomfortable. I’d gathered from the way Tony acted and spoke, and the way Stephen talked about him, that Tony was a bit of a womaniser, or at least had been. He had admitted to me he only did casual but Bruce’s outburst just now had confirmed that he was casual more often than I assumed and I wasn’t sure why it made me uncomfortable, I mean what even were Tony and I? We’d stolen a few secret kisses, been half naked, and held each other, that didn’t really make us anything. Did it bother me if he’d been with a lot of women? No. Would it bother me if he were still with a lot of women and I was just one of many? Yes. The idea made me feel sick, but there was something so intensely vulnerable about our interactions that I found it hard to believe he would do something like that to me, that he would care so much about how I felt if I was nothing but another conquest. I shook my thoughts away, picking up two of the drinks with my hands and carrying the third with a tendril of my power; either way, it didn’t matter right now because I needed to break it off with him, immediately.

Tony and Bruce were in deep conversation when I came back, and I handed them their drinks and then moved to the big windows several metres away. The sun was almost completely down, and the lights down below that I liked so much were beginning to shine. I longed to go down there and get out of this house.

“So, what is it you do?” Bruce’s voice penetrated my thoughts, and I turned to him, eyebrows raised in surprise. I hadn’t expected to be addressed by him.

I sighed, “I’m not really sure, I have raw power that I can utilise to do lots of things, it’s difficult to explain”

“What’s the source?”

I forced myself not to look at Tony, “Souls,” I responded plainly, “I absorb souls”

“They just get weirder”

I took a sip of my drink, “I can’t believe a guy who turns into a huge green monster that levels cities is calling me weird, but okay”

“You’ve got me there,” Bruce replied, a small smile appearing on his face, “I saw Bucky and Steve returning when I came in. How come you’re not with them?”

The question stung, “Let’s just say I never really stopped being a prisoner,” I responded tightly, taking another sip.

“You’re not a prisoner, freckles”

“Not a prisoner, just never allowed to leave”

“You know why you’re not allowed to leave,” Tony countered.

“Yes, because the one thing you and Stephen agree on is keeping me locked away inside this house”

“You remember what happened last time we went out?”

I rolled my eyes, “Well, Bucky and I are going out tomorrow, and none of you are stopping us”

“How about instead of hanging out with these losers, you come and hang out with me right now?” Bucky’s voice cut through the room like a knife, and I spun around. He approached me with casual ease and took the drink out of my hand, downing it in one gulp.

“Hey, I was drinking that,” I frowned.

“I’ll get you another one,” He said, using his free hand to steer me away from Tony and Bruce.

He’d been out so often with Steve, I’d barely seen him, so to see him standing here now when I felt like an awkward third wheel was a rare joy. Bucky dropped a heavy arm over my shoulders, leading me casually from the room.

“Fine,” I said eventually, “But I’m not sparing with you, my shoulder still aches, and it’s been two days

Chapter Text

Bucky and I lay on our backs looking up at the night sky, far enough away from HQ that the light from it didn’t hinder our view of the stars. It almost felt like we were on another mission together, and everything that had happened over the last few months was just some horrible dream. After we’d left, Bucky had led me out onto the lawn and then into the dense trees that outlined the boundary and obscured HQ from public view, and we walked for several minutes until we came to the clearing. Being with Bucky was easy, like breathing, no pressure to hide or say anything, because even in silence, we were content. We’d spent so much time in silence that it was just normal. But tonight it was Bucky who broke the silence first.

“So you and Tony, huh?”

I wasn’t surprised by the topic; in fact, I thought he had shown incredible restraint by not saying anything until now.

He hadn’t asked a question, but I answered as if he had, “We aren’t really anything,” I admitted and saying it out loud stung a little, “I keep trying to tell him we can’t be anything anyway, but he keeps cutting me off”

“Do you think even casual is a good idea?” He asked me, his voice was clipped.

“Honestly? I don’t know,” I responded truthfully, “In our line of work, maybe casual is better than serious, either one of us could die tomorrow” The thought of Tony dying made my chest ache.

“Steve says he’s a playboy,” Buck said, and I made a face at the star-littered sky.

“Steve withheld vital information from someone who trusted him deeply,” I countered, “Besides, Tony is pretty open about only doing casual, it’s not as if he’s deceived me”

For a few moments, Bucky seemed to let the information sink in “Steve helped you save me, Tony wanted to kill me,” He replied evenly, and I felt sick to my stomach. “While I was locked up,” He said, his voice wavered slightly, “Were you dating him?”

I couldn’t really deny it. Things had happened between Tony and me while we had been searching for Bucky to try and save him, and I wasn’t proud of any of it. My hesitation to reply told Bucky all he needed to know, and he pressed on.

“Do you know what it was like in there without you?” He asked me, his voice was filled with accusation, and I knew I would have to take it; I deserved it. “They tortured me in that machine relentlessly, they made me kill double the people they usually do, even children” My eyes were burning.

“Bucky I-”

“And you were out here what? Fucking some billionaire and living it up?” He was borderline shouting now, and I felt something in my chest crack, “That's-” He hesitated, “That’s more fucked up than any of the stuff we’ve done together” And there it was, the truth, “I was brainwashed I know that doesn’t excuse what I did but at least I was brain washed, but you? You chose to do it, you chose him while I was rotting away in that cave”

Something in my chest broke. I couldn’t breathe anymore, I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t respond because I had no words to justify my actions. I wanted to throw up. I couldn’t stay here, not with Bucky and Tony and everyone else and all this mess that I’d created here as well. Everywhere I went, I created a mess. Bucky pushed himself to his feet before I could, and he didn’t look at me as he turned and walked back to HQ I watched his back as he walked away into the darkness, and I felt broken as if I’d never be the same again. I’d blown it, even though we had saved him; he was leaving me now, he was walking away from me, and things would never be the same again.

There was a rushing in my ears, and my heart hammered in my chest. I desperately wanted to chase him and apologise, grab his arm and refuse to let him go until he forgave me, but I couldn’t get my body to move. Slowly, I pulled myself to my feet, and instead of walking back toward HQ, I turned my back to all of them and walked off into the night. Before we had saved Bucky, Steve had asked me what I would do if Bucky wanted to stay with them, and I didn’t, but I never imagined that it would play out like this, that he would end up hating me. But I couldn’t blame him; we were going through all of these things because of me, because of what I’d chosen to do again in my freedom, I was an idiot.

Wandering New York alone was unfamiliar to me, but no one gave me a second glance in the casual clothes I was wearing, I’d dumped my weapons and any other items I’d gotten from the Avengers in the woods before I’d left, I had no idea what they used to track me and I didn’t want them to find me especially Tony. I ran a hand through my hair.

“That’s more fucked up than anything we’ve done together”

Bucky’s voice played over and over in my head with each step that I took, and not for the first time that day, I found myself wishing for my chamber, for the cave, at least then I wasn’t alone.

Bucky’s POV
Every step out of the tree line became more and more excruciating as guilt began to sweep over me. I wasn’t sure why it had all come tumbling out the way it did. Maybe it was because I felt guilty. Guilty for being here when I wasn’t worth the trouble, guilty for killing Tony’s parents as the Winter Soldier. But also, I was jealous. Jealous that Freya could make connections in a way that I couldn’t, jealous that she had someone else to rely on, and afraid that she might not need me anymore. If she didn’t need me and if Hydra weren’t using me, then what use was I?
I was a coward; I hadn’t even looked her in the eye when I’d verbally attacked her, but I couldn’t turn around now and go back. I was too angry and now too ashamed of how I’d acted. She would probably never talk to me again now, and I had no one but myself to blame.

“Buck, you good?” Steve’s voice cut through my thoughts, and I looked up quickly, my hair falling in front of my face, I’d been so lost in my thoughts that I hadn’t even heard him approach.

“I’m fine,” I replied, my voice low and monotone, emotionless.

“Freya with you?” He asked, looking past me to see if she was there. He frowned slightly when he didn’t see her.

“No,” I replied, but my voice was strained, and he noticed.

“You guys fight?” He was walking beside me now.

“No,” I lied, flexing my metal fingers.

“I wouldn’t worry about her and Tony, Buck,” Steve continued, “It’s just a fling, a crush”

“I’m not worried,” I lied again.

“You know she spent all these weeks looking for you, and so did he”

“Why would he look for me when I killed his parents?” The curiosity fell out of me before I could stop it. Steve and Freya had a way of doing that to me.

“Well, he didn’t know you killed his parents until Freya told him, then he kicked her out of HQ until then, he lost sleep looking for you” Steve’s words only made my stomach feel sicker when I remembered what I’d said and what I’d done, even though I was brainwashed.

I stopped walking, and Steve stopped next to me, his eyebrows raised, “What’s wrong, Buck?”

“I messed up, Steve”

 

Freya’s POV
The sound of the door creaking open roused me from sleep, and my eyes fluttered open to the sky beginning to lighten. I’d slept for longer than I had intended. Before the door could clang shut, my power shot out and wedged itself in between. Once the footsteps receded, I moved swiftly between the rocks I’ been sleeping next to and pulled the door open slowly. I slipped in, and the smell of familiar Hydra metal and wet ground filled my nostrils. I could hear footsteps in the distance and the sound of heavy machinery, but the main corridor I’d entered was empty. I wasn’t truly sure what had led me back to Hydra; maybe it was some messed-up sense of comfort in the familiar, or maybe it was because I had nothing else now, no memories of anything else before this except the fire.

Before I could think about it much longer, a guard rounded the corner. He must be part of the morning watch routine. He saw me, and our eyes met. His mouth opened, but no sound came out as I wrapped my power around his throat and choked him until he stopped moving. His body fell into a heap on the ground, and I advanced, picking up his baton and gun; another Hydra agent dead was satisfying. I waited a few beats to see if his soul would come for me, but it didn’t. I let out a sigh of relief. The base seemed relatively quiet. The vast concrete walls were damp and cold as I trailed along them, my power-disconnecting cameras as I advanced. It wouldn’t be long until an alarm was raised, and when it was, I’d be ready to take them all out, not just for myself but for Bucky, even if he hated me now.

The only thing stronger than the rage propelling me with every step was the shame I felt about my relationship with Tony. After this was all over, I’d have to leave New York, and there would be no chance for goodbyes. I was more ashamed that I’d miss him even after everything; I’d miss our flirtations and the way his eyes would always seek me out. I’d miss the way his voice could always tug a smile out of me, even when Bucky was still locked up and wasn’t that the issue here? That I’d been able to smile at all while Bucky was here, that I’d even enjoyed myself while he’d been tortured. I swallowed roughly as I reached an intersection in the path. Should I go left or right? It didn’t really matter; I was clearing this place out one way or another. I chose to leave as I pushed the memories of Tony from my mind and instead focused on the task at hand. I had no idea how many Hydra agents were here, but whether I beat them or died, it didn’t make much difference. I was prepared to die here tonight and take them all down with me.

A door creaked and banged further down the tunnel. I lifted the gun and pointed it ahead, keeping my back against the concrete as I moved inch by inch down the hallway. A few moments passed, footsteps in the distance and then red lights flashed up and down the wall. I sucked in a surprised breath; they were coming for me. A group of agents rounded the corner, their guns and shields held tightly in front of them, completely unaware of what sort of fight they were running into. They’d need better weapons and protection to stop me here. My power shot out from me, shoving its way into them, penetrating their defences, was so much easier than Stephen and Loki because they possessed no superhuman fortitude. Their mind were crippled in front of me, and I hooked onto them tightly, drawing them all out and towards me as if I were fishing in a lake. The fish my Father used to hold in his hands flashed in my mind, and I reeled them in my eyes, flashing silver as their souls slammed into my body and settled under my skin. I felt renewed as their bodies crumpled before me, satisfied at their demise.

The dust didn’t have time to settle. More and more appeared as I advanced, and I dealt with them in the same manner, wave after wave. I was numb to it, unfeeling, whatever I usually felt when I absorbed people had been turned off by my desire for destruction. Eventually, I found myself alone and panting, sweat dripping down my forehead in a giant room filled with beds and experimental tools. Had I finally killed them all? I frowned. For a facility this big, there hadn’t been much resistance.

Static sounded, and then a voice echoed around me, “Ah, our most lethal weapon, did you miss us?” Cal’s voice, dripping with triumph, This was a trap. You’ve come back to me at last”

“I’ve come back to end all of you and your sick, twisted games,” I barked back, my throat was raw.

He chuckled, and it sent shivers down my spine, “You always think you have the upper hand, lyubimaya, but you never do”

“Don’t call me that,” I hissed, my eyes were burning, but I blinked away the emotion, the weakness, the months away from here had made me soft.

“But where is your Winter Soldier? Hmmm? I thought he would come with you to seek revenge? Or maybe he has found the people who he truly belongs with and left you,” Cal’s voice taunted. I could hear the smile there and see its cruelness in my mind. He chuckled, “I have a surprise for you, lyubimaya, a reunion you have longed for; it will make you stronger”

“I don’t want to play your games anymore”

“You have no choice, even when you think you are safe, you will always be playing my games, my darling”

“Honestly,” Said a familiar voice behind me, “And I thought I was dramatic”

I spun around, and my eyes locked with Loki’s. He was leaning against a far wall in his Asgardian armour, which accentuated the green in his eyes. I frowned at him, “Shouldn’t you be locked up on Asgard?”

He smirked at me, “Hello, love. I am the god of mischief, I am wherever I want to be” He made a show of looking behind me, “But you’re here alone, trouble in Avenger paradise? Hero life doesn’t suit you?”

“Loki, now is not the time for your interference. We had a deal,” Cal hissed, clearly agitated. The change in tone pleased me.

“Your master is calling,” I said, giving Loki a deadly sweet smile.

He gave me a look that dripped with murder, his presence sucking the life out of the air around us, “I’d be very careful if I were you”

Despite the goosebumps breaking out on my skin, I let out a hoarse laugh, “Why? Because you’ll kill me? Did you really think I intended to leave here alive?”

“The asset cannot die,” Cal’s voice cut in, and I found the smile on my face becoming more genuine at his desperation, “Stick to the plan”

Loki lifted his hands as if he were surrendering, “Humans really are no fun” His eyes were dancing.

To our left, a door began to slowly slide open, a light was on inside and beyond it, a short distance away, was a cryostasis chamber, but it was open and on the bed next to it was a person. Blood dripped from the bed, the sheets were stained, and there were instruments scattered across the cold metal table as if people had left in a hurry.

“A parting gift for you, lyubimaya, until we meet again,” and then his voice cut off.

I frowned. I didn’t remember anyone else being in chambers like Bucky and I were; I didn’t even know there were any more, but then again, why would I? Why would they tell me? I was just a tool.

Loki’s eyebrows raised, “Perhaps I was too hasty with my judgments,” He amended, and I glared at him.

I took a few steps towards the door. It could be another trap or an ambush, but I couldn’t sense any other life except the person on the bed, who seemed extremely hurt, likely tortured by them and then left there to shock me. It couldn’t be Bucky, we saved him, he was with Steve, wasn’t he? My feet moved faster, my eyes trying desperately to discern if it was him or not, but I realised as I got closer that the body was too small, the brown of the hair too light, and the strands too long. An arm fell off the table and swung in the air a few times. The hand was small, the fingers short, too small to be an adult, too small to be a teenager, and all of a sudden, I felt sick to my stomach. Was this a child? I took one step closer only to stumble back as my whole body began to sear with pain. It was agony as if my skin was being peeled off inch by inch, and maybe it was. Whatever this person had been through was horrific.

As quickly as it had come, the pain subsided, and when my eyes fluttered open, I was in an empty field lined with trees and in the distance was an old wooden cottage, smoke weaving from the chimney. I reached up and rubbed my eyes. I must have finally lost my mind.

“Frey? Is it really you?”

I stopped breathing. My throat constricted. My eyes snapped down automatically, and the brightest sapphire eyes looked back at me, filled with hope and joy. A little brother looking up at his big sister. Something in my heart shattered, and I felt burning in my eyes and throat, but Nathaniel was looking up at me so happily, I couldn’t allow myself to crumble now, even if this was just a dream or a memory.

“Hey Nathaniel! It’s me, alright,” I replied, injecting lightness into my tone.

“I missed you!” He surged forward, and I dropped down on one knee to pull him into a tight hug. “You’ve gotten taller,” He remarked, and I blinked back tears as I breathed him in, “I had a really bad dream, but I’m glad it’s over now”

Hydra. The room. The body. The chamber. It all flashed back into my brain as the dots connected, and I knew then who the body belonged to. But if I were seeing him now, did that mean he had just died? They’d kept him alive all this time just for this? The power in my body began to build as my heart cracked, something inside me was breaking, and I wasn’t sure it would ever be able to be fixed.

“I’m glad it’s over too, buddy,” I replied as evenly as I could.

He pulled back to look up at me, “Can I come with you to town today?” He asked, and I bit the inside of my cheek to fight back the tears.

I opened my mouth and my bottom lip shook; it took effort to control it as I said, “Not today, Nathaniel” I reached out and ruffled his hair, “Next time, okay?”

He giggled, and the sound was the sweetest music, “You always say that, Frey, but okay, I won't forget!” Then he turned and began to sprint away from me and back toward the cottage in the distance.

My hand reached out, I reached for him as if I could draw him back into myself and bring him back to life, even as the mirage started to crumble away and become replaced by the Hydra base I was in, the harsh concrete hurt to see. I was by the bed now as his back faded from view, and instead, before me was his broken and lifeless body covered in blood, almost every inch of him unrecognisable except for his face, as if they’d wanted to make sure I would know who it was lying there. He was just as small as he had been when I’d last seen him, when our home was on fire; I could see jagged burn marks on him. They’d kept him alive all of these decades in that chamber, and he’d been alive mere minutes ago; all this time, I could have saved him.
Tears fell from my eyes as I blinked, but my face was completely blank. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t breathe, I could do nothing but feel the pain and anguish swirling around inside me.

Loki appeared across from me, “A child?” For once, he sounded disgusted, “Do humans have no standards at all?”

“Don’t look at him,” I said, my voice dangerously low and raw.

“I beg your pardon?”

My eyes turned silver, and I shot forward, my hand gripped tightly around Loki’s throat, and my body bathed in silver flame, “I said don’t look at him” I slammed him against the wall, and it shattered behind him; he grunted, the surprise evident on his face.

As if my transformation had been the signal, doors opened around us and agents poured in, weapons raised, and I dropped my hand from Loki, letting it fall to my side as my eyes narrowed. None of them would be leaving alive. Before I could start forward, something hard and cold was pushed into my hand, a katana; the handle was a deep forest green, and Loki was pressing it into my palm insistently. My fingers latched around it, and I pulled it from its sheath and bathed it with my power. It shone silver as I moved forward and began cutting down men. I’d never moved like this as if I were being controlled by something else; every thought and intent was executed with flawless precision, and each person I cut down was absorbed into me through the sword's blade. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Loki moving too with twin daggers, slicing his way through several agents near him; perhaps he wasn’t as loyal to Hydra as he seemed. They barely put up a fight, and I couldn’t help but wonder if Cal wanted me to kill them, to become more powerful, to become more like the monster he had created me to be. The realisation made me halt my power, beginning to flicker out. Loki finished the last of the men as the katana clattered to the ground, and I fell to my knees before the table, my hand grabbing Nathaniel’s. I dragged his lifeless body into my lap. My hands were shaking, I was covered in blood, the whole room was filling with blood from the people we had taken down, from Nathaniel, from myself. I’d been so consumed by Astralis' power that I hadn’t even felt the wounds they caused me. My body convulsed as I pushed Nathaniel’s messy hair from his forehead and slowly shut his eyes. I couldn’t bear to see them looking so lifeless. He’d always been so full of life, and I had failed him, just like I failed everyone, just like I’d failed Bucky.
My heart cracked, I felt it physically break inside my body and then, with my forehead pressed against my brother's, I began to sob. The sound of sorrow ripped out of my throat as a hoarse wail that echoed around the chamber. It filled every inch of the room.

“I am sorry for your loss,” Loki said softly, and he sounded as if he meant it, and then he was gone. I wasn’t sure how I knew he had left, but I couldn’t feel him anymore; I couldn’t sense his magic. I was truly alone now.

I sobbed again, the tears streaming down my face and mingling with the blood, “I’m so sorry, Nathaniel” I whispered into the space between us as if he could hear me, as if it might reach him where ever he was, “I failed you, I failed all of you” I let out a choked cry, “Why did she give these powers to me?” I asked the empty room, “All they do is hurt the people I care about”

Moments passed, or maybe it was hours, I wasn’t sure anymore, what did time matter now? I was slumped against the wall, holding Nathanial and running my fingers through the soft strands of his hair, humming a song our Mum used to hum when I was little. She stopped humming it for me when Nathanial was born, and I’d sit outside his open door when she was putting him to bed and listen to her hum it to him. She must have realised I wasn’t hers at some stage, I’d have hated me too.

“I hope you’re with them now, that you’re all happy together,” I whispered, my face and eyes hurt, the tears making trails through the dirt and blood on my face.

I was still looking at his peaceful face when I heard the footsteps, two sets of them running together. I knew one was Bucky because I knew the sound of his strides, but I didn’t bother looking up when they entered the room. He and Steve, best friends since childhood and then there was me, a nobody who just made Bucky’s life more difficult, I hoped they would see me and leave me here forever to waste away.

“Frey,” Bucky’s voice said into the silence, and I hated hearing the nickname now; it made my eyes burn.

“Everyone's dead,” I replied, my voice emotionless, “Cal got away, I don’t know where he went”

“I don’t care about them, are you o-”

“Just go back to HQ, Bucky,” I cut him off, “I’m not coming back, I don’t belong there”

“Freya, you can’t stay here” Steve’s voice, I knew it would be him.

“Take Bucky back to HQ, Steve,” I responded, “I’m not leaving”

“Please w-” Steve began.

“I said I’m not leaving!” I half yelled, my eyes flashing silver, and I finally looked up at them.

Then the sound I’d been dreading, like a jet engine roaring through the hallways, the Ironman suit appeared before I could even decide to run or hide somewhere, not far behind it was Stephen and the footsteps following them I knew would be Nat. Tony’s suit landed feet first on the dirt next to Steve, and it opened to reveal him. I looked away before our eyes could meet. I couldn’t do this right now. I was dangerous and volatile and broken, and I didn’t want them to try and convince me.

Bucky glanced at Tony, who wisely stayed silent, “Look, I’m sorry about what I said, Frey. I didn’t mean it, I was hurt and a dick”

“I don’t care about what you said,” I lied. I glanced up to see Nat. She was looking at Nathaniel with a mixture of curiosity and sadness in her gaze. I pulled him tighter against me.

“Freckles,” Tony said evenly, just the one word, but it made me look up at him, and when our eyes met, I wished I hadn’t because the burning was immediately back in my own eyes, my throat felt tight, and I wanted to let it all out to explain to him what was going on. I desperately wanted him to care, and I hated myself for it. He must have seen the vulnerability in my eyes because the usual twinkle in his eyes guttered out, and I couldn’t stand the sadness there; my eyes began to fill with tears.

“I’m not coming back” The words tumbled out of my mouth.

“You can’t stay here clinging to that corpse,” Stephen said, and I shot him a glare.

“I can’t leave him here,” I said, my voice had lost its bite, I was tired and broken, “I’m not leaving him”

“No one is asking you to leave him, Freya” Nat’s voice, “Bring him with you”

“Bring him with me, where? Back to that prison of a building?” My eyes snapped to her, “He’s been locked up long enough” My hands were shaking again.

“Shit,” Bucky’s voice barely more than a whisper, “Is that…” He trailed off.

“Shut up,” I muttered, “Don’t say it, please” My voice cracked.

“We can’t stay down here forever, Freckles,” Tony's voice.

“I know,” I replied eventually, “But if I sit here,, I can pretend it isn’t over”

“It won't bring him back,” Nat said softly, compassion lacing her voice.

“He hasn’t aged a day” My bottom lip shook as I looked down at him, “He looks the same as the last time I saw him, except for all the wounds” They all moved closer and I let them, Steve crouched down a few meters away followed by Nat but everyone else stayed standing, “They must have kept him alive all these years in that chamber” Tears escaped my eyes, “He was alive all these years probably in the same facility as us, he was alive when I came in here, he died seconds before I got to him, he was alive” A choked sob left my throat.

“Frey,” Bucky’s voice cracked, his eyes swimming with emotion, “I’m so sorry”

I looked up at him, “Do you still hate me?” I asked, and it was such a pathetic question.

He fell to his knees then and shuffled closer to me through the dirt on the ground, desperation clear in his expression, “No I don’t, I never hated you I’m sorry for what I said, I was just hurt and took it out on you, Frey” His hand reached for mine and I let him grasp it, he squeezed it gently and I swallowed roughly.

“I’m sorry, Buck,” I said softly, “I’m sorry that I didn’t get to you sooner, I’m sorry that all of this is happening because of me and my stupid powers. It’s all my fault”

“Hey,” He moved closer and pressed my hand against his chest, holding it there, “You feel that? I’m still alive because of you. Don’t ever apologise to me, okay? We are in this together, always” He blinked back the tears in his eyes.

“What’s the kid's name?” Tony asked. He was by my shoulder now, crouched down as well.

“Nathaniel,” I said, my voice breaking, “His name is Nathanial, and he’s my little brother”

“Where do you want to take him?” Stephen asked. “I can get you there”

I wiped some tears from my cheeks, “The Scottish Highlands,” I said softly.

 

Tony’s POV

Watching the way Bucky and Freya interacted made something in my chest twist; something inside of me wished she’d reach for me. It reminded me of when Steve was helping her in the Sanctum and how easy it was for him to care for her, how much she trusted him, how much she trusted Bucky right now.
Bruce hadn’t left until the morning, and by then Steve and Bucky had already guessed where she had run off to. Neither of them said why she’d run off, but it was clear from this interaction that Bucky had said something to hurt her. It pissed me off. Looking at him pissed me off, and knowing that they were so close in a way that I would never be with anyone, pissed me off even more. It only fueled my rage on Freya’s behalf. I tried so hard not to look at her brother too closely, at Nathaniel and his poor, broken body. It was incomprehensible to me that someone could do that to a child, to anyone, but especially to a child. It made me clench my fists and grit my teeth even though I knew that revenge didn’t belong to me.

Deeply concerning was my desire to be needed, to be wanted by her. I didn’t even know her, and everywhere she went, things seemed to get chaotic. But there was something there, like a magnetic field I couldn’t quite get myself away from. I lay awake thinking of her. I’d walk around the compound, hoping to run into her. When she was in the room, I couldn’t help but be drawn to where she was. I wanted to reach out and touch her shoulder, but I was too scared because if she shifted away from me, I knew it would sting. Who was I to her anyway? No one really. She didn’t want me to comfort her; no one ever did.

“I can portal you there," Stephen was replying. Freya wasn’t looking at him; she was still looking down at her brother.

“Okay,” She said, but her voice was hollow.

That was my cue to go. I should get back to HQ and call Pepper, sort out this stuff with Bruce; she didn’t need me here when she had everyone else, and she wouldn’t want me to stay now. I pushed myself to my feet.

“I’ll get everything sorted at HQ,” I said, “Make sure these bastards aren’t still nearby”

I turned to leave, but a hand snagged mine. The fingers were cold and unyielding but familiar, my head snapped around as my fingers instinctively closed around hers. I assumed we might talk later back at the compound in private, but to grab my hand here in front of everyone was like a line in the sand that I wasn’t aware she was ready to draw. It made our connection public, and I didn’t hate it.

She didn’t look up at me, just held my hand to stop me from moving, “Can you stay?” She asked finally, her voice soft and unsure, so unlike her usual confidence. How could I ever say no?

“Sure,” I said casually, mustering all the bravado I could while trying to keep my voice soft, soothing, “Whatever you need, Freckles,” and I meant it.

 

Freya’s POV

I wasn’t thinking, not really, I just knew I needed Tony to stay here with me to keep whatever shred of sanity I had left inside of my body. I couldn’t explain the need I had for his physical presence, but that desperation is what linked our hands right now, it’s what was keeping him here. If anyone thought it was weird, they wisely didn’t say anything.

“I can secure the perimeter,” Steve said finally, “Strange, come and find me once you’ve established the portal. Nat, I think you should stay with Freya." The orders came from him so fluidly; he was used to making these calls, and I found myself feeling grateful despite everything.

“Understood,” Stephen said, and it was the most compliant I’d ever heard him.

“Can you stand?” Nat asked me gently, her eyes were soft.

“I haven’t tried,” I admitted.

“Then let's do that first”

I nodded. I didn’t want to let go of Nathaniel, and they seemed to understand that as they helped me stand, and I reluctantly let go of Tony’s hand, he was so warm, and I could feel him next to me, our arms almost touching.

“Let me know when you’re back,” Stephen said gently as he moved back from the portal, and I was rendered speechless by the beautiful countryside in front of me.

It was just as it had been moments ago when I’d spoken to Nathaniel and he’d run off from me, but there was no Cottage here and no remains of one. I stepped across the threshold and then just stood there staring at the grass, remembering how he looked running away from me and back home. I hoped he was home now.

“I didn’t really think this through,” I said finally. Nathaniel looked worse in the bright light of the day, and I didn’t have a shovel or anything.

“Jarvis?” Tony said expectantly.

“Already done, sir”

A few moments later, several little robots appeared and hovered just above the ground in front of us expectantly. I tilted my head as I looked down at them, my sorrow forgotten for a moment.

“Where do you want to…” Tony trailed off.

I was looking at the robots when I responded, “At the tree line over there,” I said, pointing with a nod of my head, and they turned and flew off toward the spot. We followed them slowly.

“So,” Nat said as we walked together, “Tell me something about Nathaniel”

“He loved stars” My voice was hoarse, worn out, my vision was becoming slightly blurry, “we used to lie out on the grass and try to count them all” My eyes were so dry, I wasn’t sure I could cry anymore, but I wanted to.

The robots were busying themselves when we got there and had most of a hole completed. Tony moved forward to instruct them and muttered something to Jarvis out of earshot. Bucky was still silent next to Nat, his face drawn as if he was trying not to show any emotion. My arms ached, I wasn’t sure I could hold him much longer, but I didn’t want to put him down on the ground. I could hear the familiar stream nearby. I wanted to wash his face.

“Buck?” I said, and his eyes were drawn to me immediately, “I want to take him to the stream. Can you come with me?” he nodded once, and we breached the treeline together in silence.

The stream was wider than I remembered, and part of me wished my Father would be there waiting for me, unmoving and unchanging. I dropped to my knees by the water and ripped off the bottom of my shirt before wetting it thoroughly and using it to wipe off Nathaniel’s face. My hands were shaking again, and he was still wearing the same clothes as the day of the fire, even though they were tattered and torn. Bucky wordlessly set about fixing his clothes and wiping the dirt and blood from his body as best he could. When we were finally done, Nathaniel looked so much younger than he had, so much thinner and more drawn, so much more human. I wiped the dirt from his hair and brushed it off his cold forehead. My arms were weak, and my legs buckled as I tried to move back to my feet. I bit the inside of my cheek. I didn’t want to let Nathaniel go.

“Can you-” I couldn’t get the words out as Bucky looked down at me, a few tears escaped my eyes, and then he was in front of me, his hands brushing them away as he looked at me.

“I can carry him,” He said, his voice soft and pained, “If you need me to, I can do it” He cupped my face in his hands.

“Thanks,” I muttered, and then reluctantly let him scoop Nathaniel up and out of my arms. He stood effortlessly, and I pulled myself to my feet with the help of a nearby tree branch. We headed back out together.

When we arrived back, Nat and Tony were chatting lightly, and the hole was completed. Next to it was a small metal box laced with silver and gold, just the right size for a child. I frowned. Tony looked back at the sound of our approach, and his deep copper eyes met mine. They were swirling with so many emotions I couldn’t place.

“This was all Jarvis could find” He said by way of greeting, you don’t have to use it if you don’t want to but once it’s closed it basically indestructible, to any weapon on earth anyway” When I looked at him questioningly he added, “They’re prototype escape capsules, just an old idea I had, I kept some of them in the storage facility at Stark Industries”

Inside it was a blanket and a pillow, which looked new, and I imagined had not come with the capsule. Tony Stark was thoughtful after all. If I hadn’t felt so miserable, I could have smiled. Bucky looked at me questioningly, and I nodded. At my approval, he lowered Nathaniel into the capsule, and I moved to my knees to look him over one last time.

“I’m sorry mo bhràthair ghràdhach,” I whispered to him, “Tha gaol agam ort, an-còmhnaidh” I brushed his hair from his forehead one final time, then leaned forward to place a kiss there. I could have saved him if I had been only a few moments earlier, “Gum biodh a’ ghaoth an-còmhnaidh ri do dhruim,” I muttered as I stood up. I’d never forgive myself.

I moved back a few steps and let Bucky lower him into the grave. My shoulder bumped Tony’s, and I found myself gravitating against him. His arm came up instinctively over my shoulders, and I leaned into his side. Nat appeared on my other side, her hand searching for mine and holding it tight. She gave it a gentle squeeze, and I felt myself ready to cry again. The robots began to fill in the hole, and I resisted the urge to run over and dig him up again; maybe they could bury me with him. Tony must have sensed the tension in my body because he turned his head and pressed a gentle kiss to my hair, his thumb rubbing idle circles on my shoulder in an oddly comforting way.

Nat’s hand slowly let go of mine. “I’ll let them know we’ll be heading back soon, but take as long as you need” I gave her a soft smile before she turned away.

A few moments passed, and Bucky was still overseeing the robots. “Thank you,” I said softly to Tony.

“You don’t have to thank me, sweetheart” His voice was low and rough and hearing it again made my eyes burn and fill with tears again, he turned me to face him, “I have to go back to the compound and deal with Bruce” He cupped my face with his free hand, the other rested on my shoulder as he looked down at me.

“Okay,” I replied, sniffling pathetically. Once again, I looked like roadkill, and he looked great.

“As soon as I’m done, I’ll come and find you” He frowned at me, “You are coming back, aren’t you?”

I shrugged, “I don’t have anywhere else to go,” I admitted sadly, and he looked as if the admission made him sad.

“Don’t run away again,” He said softly before leaning forward and pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead.

The warmth seemed to leave the area with Tony, even though the sun was still shining, and once he was gone, Bucky walked back over toward me, his eyes red with emotion. Everything ached, and knowing that he didn’t hate me after all and that we might be okay had me moving toward him. He looked surprised, but his arms opened when I reached him, and I fell into his chest and clung to him as I began to sob.

Chapter Text

I slept for what felt like days, and when my eye finally fluttered open, it felt like I’d slept for too long and yet not enough. Bucky was slumped in the bed next to me, on top of the covers, his arms crossed over his chest and his breath shallow. I watched him for a few minutes. He hadn’t even gotten changed by the look of him. He’d carried me back here, and I’d managed to slip on some clean clothes before falling into bed. I didn’t have the energy to do anything else, and if it wasn’t for the fact that I was still covered in dirt and blood, I’d probably roll over and go back to sleep again. Bucky didn’t stir as I slipped out from between the sheets, and I was glad. He’d been through enough, and even if he did wake up, I had nothing to say. I was numb inside the image of Nathaniel still etched into my brain. Remembering him was worse than the nightmare I had of our house on fire, knowing that I did nothing to save him, that he suffered.
I swallowed the regret inside my throat and instead pushed my way into the bathroom and turned the shower on. Perhaps I could scrub it all away.

The water was burning hot, and I hissed at the pain of it as I positioned myself under the stream of water. I wished it could burn away my guilt. Somewhere in the back of my mind, the logical part of my brain was reminding me that what he’d gone through wasn’t my fault. I believed he was dead, and I had always since the fire that day when my Father had told me to run and never come back. But I was sure that if he had known that Nathaniel had survived, he would never have told me to leave him. I sighed as the water cascaded over my long crimson hair, going over it like this wasn’t helping me, and it wasn’t helping him; he was gone now.
I stayed in the shower until I could barely feel my physical body, until the steam from the heat made it impossible to see, and I was worried I might actually pass out. I was thirsty and wanted to curl up in bed again. I turned on the shower and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around me and then wiping some condensation away from the mirror so I could look at myself. I looked much better now that I was clean, but I was still looking unendingly tired, and my eyes were still red and puffy.
There was a gentle knock at the door.

“Frey?” Bucky’s voice.

“Yeah?” I replied, my voice strained.

“I’m gonna get some air, you okay?”

“I’ll be fine, Buck,” I said as I finished drying myself and began to pull on some clean clothes that Nat had left me. I just wanted to be cosy and never leave this room.

“I’ll be back soon,” His muffled voice reassured me before he left the room.

I set about drying my hair before pulling it into a messy, damp ponytail and then finally exited the bathroom, I turned the lights off but left the fan on, it would take some time before the room was completely aired out. When I walked back into my room I frowned, my bed was already remade with fresh sheets and a new duvet.

“Jarvis?” I questioned.

“Yes, Freya?” His voice replied, safe and grounding.

“Did some change my bed?”

“I believe Mr Barnes did before he left to get some air,” Jarvis replie,d and despite myself my lips almost tugged up slightly at the way Jarvis referred to Bucky. He was silent for a few moments as I sat back down on the bed, I desperately needed a drink, “Would you like me to send for some refreshments?”

“Are you reading my mind now, Jarvis?”

I think if Jarvis could laugh he would have but instead he said, “Telepathy is currently beyond my capabilities, Freya, can I deduce that your answer is yes?”

“Just water, please, Jarvis”

A few minutes later, there was a short tap at the door, and I stood to open it. I should have known better than to ask Jarvis for anything because he hadn’t just delivered water, he’d also delivered Tony. I wished there was a way I could look at Jarvis so he could know exactly what I was thinking right now. I suppose a part of me was grateful, though. I’d been glad for Bucky to get some air, but truly, I didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts right now; I wanted some normality.
Tony didn’t smile when I opened the door; he just held up the glass of water and then invited himself in as I took it from his hand.

“How’re you feeling?” He asked as he breezed past me and made himself comfortable on the bed, his back against the wall as he looked at me expectantly.

“Oh, just peachy, never better actually,” I said, downing the entire glass of water in record time.

Tony raised an eyebrow at me; he wasn’t buying my sarcasm.

“How’s Bruce?” I tried to change the subject.

“His usual happy self,” Tony replied, his eyes looking me over, ever observant.

I sighed, putting the glass on the dresser next to me and shutting the door behind me, “Thank you, again,” I said, trying to keep my voice neutral, “I really appreciate everything you did for Nathaniel” My voice quivered when I said his name.

He was still watching me, his expression soft, “Freckles, you don’t have to thank me, it was nothing”

I forged ahead, “It wasn’t nothing, Tony, it was everything to me and to him” I bit the inside of my cheek, “I’m sorry for grabbing your hand and asking you to stay like that in front of everyone,” I added, feeling awkward.

He winced a little bit, “You regret it now?” He asked, his voice was jokingly light, but his eyes held something more vulnerable.

“Of course not,” I replied truthfully, “I-” I stumbled over what I was trying to say, feeling foolish, “I needed you,” I finally admitted, “I was worried that you wouldn’t stay even if I asked, but you did”

“I was worried you wouldn’t ask” He conceded and I was surprised by his honesty, he patted the bed next to him when I met his eyes and I walked over slowly before sitting down next to him.

He watched me, his copper eyes swimming with a vulnerability he reserved only for when we were alone like this. When I reached the bed and sat down, he lifted his arm so I could snuggle into his side and rest my head against his chest. He was so warm and soft, the arc reactor on his chest shone in front of my eyes, and I lifted my hand to trace my fingers around its edges through his shirt as he watched me intently.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” He said finally, his voice was thick, he really meant it.

“It’s okay,” I replied before I could stop myself.

“It’s so far from okay,” He said softly, his voice low and soothing.

He lifted a hand to my chin and used his fingers to tilt my head so I could look up at him. We were so close that I could see the yellows and greens flecking his deep brown eyes; he was watching me so intently that I almost blushed. He looked undecided for a few seconds before he dipped his head and pressed his lips gently to mine. It was a simple but sweet kiss, simpler than any kiss we had shared so far, but it carried so much weight behind it. My chest threatened to crack open again as he pulled back slowly and took in my face as if he were memorising it. I needed him, more than I would ever be able to tell him, and I didn’t know what I’d do if he didn’t need me too.

“You should get some more rest, Honey,” He muttered, his fingers dropping from my chin.

So I did.

*************

When I woke again, the room was dark save for the light of the TV that was flickering in front of me, some movie I’d never seen. I blinked a few times, my eyes squinting at the brightness. My head was still on Tony’s chest, but we were lying flat now, and his breathing was slow and soft; he must have fallen asleep as well. On the side table next to the bed was his cellphone, and it was currently vibrating. I chanced a look up at him; he didn’t look like he was waking up anytime soon. I rolled gently out of his arms and stretched in the empty bed next to him. I finally felt alive again and wondered how long we’d been lying here together. The bed smelt like Tony now, and I snuggled into the duvet to hide the blush on my cheeks even though he couldn’t see it. It felt wrong to feel cosy after everything that had happened with Nathaniel, but I was grateful for the little things that brought me some comfort.

My chest still hurt, but the thing that had been bugging me the most was Loki and how he’d acted when we had seen each other. He seemed to be working my Hydra for some reason, but he’d helped me kill them and even seemed to show sympathy. I knew more than anyone (except Thor) that Loki wasn’t truly evil and his actions stemmed from a deeper hurt, much like mine and Bucky’s did, but they still puzzled me. He’d kept me alive as Cal requested; I couldn’t pretend that was mercy on his part, so there must still be something that he wanted from them or to help them obtain. My mind was swimming when the blankets began to move, and Tony rolled on his side, his eyes still a little heavy with sleep.

“You’re thinking way too hard for this early in the morning” He said his gaze soft and relaxed.

At this angle, it was hard to remember that he was some famous billionaire genius who also flew around in an Iron suit that he built to help save the world. He looked so soft and cozy, so human here right now in front of me and I wondered how many other people had seen him this way he didn’t seem like the kind of guy who hung around until the women woke up.

I watched him for a moment longer, I’d decided I needed to tell someone, “Loki was at the hydra base” I said softly and he frowned, “At first I thought he was going to attack me but after we found Nathaniel he helped me fight off Hydra and then he disappeared” Tony’s frown only deepened, “Cal said I had to stay alive, I don’t even want to know what they want me for”

“I’ll get in contact with Thor, he must not know that Loki is missing or he’d tell us, maybe” Tony replied, his hand reached out and snagged some stray hair that had fallen from my ponytail as I slept, he pushed it behind my ear, “How are you feeling?” He asked resting his hand on my cheek.

His skin was so warm, I found myself closing my eyes and relishing the feel of it against my face. When I opened them again, he was giving me a cute, lopsided smirk, and it was like medicine to my soul.

“I’m okay,” I replied truthfully.

“You should eat something,” He said, and I groaned loudly and rolled back onto my back and away from his touch.

“Ugh, you sound like Steve,” I retorted, and his mouth dropped open.

“Don’t compare me to that fossil,” He said indignantly, and when I didn’t reply, he moved across the space between and suddenly his face was above me and he was looking down at me, “I’m nothing like him”

I couldn’t even respond because my breath was caught in my chest at our current proximity and he didn’t seem to be bothered at all, I was certain he could hear my heart hammering in my chest as he watched me intently. Without a word he leaned down and brushed his lips against mine, the action made them part slightly, and he smiled into them as he brushed his lips past mine again, feather light kisses.

“I’m glad you’re safe,” He said gently, our noses almost touching as he pulled back slightly.

“You know” I said reaching up a hand to push some hair off his forehead and cup his cheek, I ran my thumb along his bottom lip and he stayed so still I wondered if he’d stopped breathing, “This feels pretty serious for a man who only does casual” I joked lightheartedly and his face broke into a smile that could melt ice, his eyes twinkled.

“Oh? Is casual what you want?” He asked his voice low and teasing in a way that made my stomach tie up in knots, “Because I seem to recall you being fine with casual” His eyes were holding me in place I couldn’t move my attention from them.

I swallowed thickly, and instead of letting me respond, he leaned down and pressed his lips roughly against mine in a way that made my whole body ache with need. We were like magnets, and I was drawn to him. My magic was drawn to him; it hummed in my veins and willed me closer and closer to him as if some otherworldly force was slamming us together. He deepened the kiss with a brush of his tongue against mine, and it took all my self-control not to let out a contented moan. When we were like this, tangled up in claiming kisses, it made me forget that there was an entire world out there; instead, it was just Tony and me everything else melted away.
After a few moments, he pulled away slowly and let out a contented sigh before easing back onto his side, free hand resting on my waist. I looked up at him to my right as he memorised the angles of my face, his eyes dancing. Behind him, his phone vibrated against the wood, and he groaned before reaching back and grabbing. He put it to his ear, but his eyes were still on my face and dipping down to my lips and my collarbone, now exposed by our movement. He licked his lips and wished I could taste them again.

“This better be important, Pepper,” He said evenly, “I’m in the middle of something”

“In the middle of someone, you mean?” A female voice replied, and I raised my eyebrows, “You missed all your meetings yesterday, and I need you here for this press release about the Hydra base. I can’t cover for you this time, Tony. They’re all asking for you, you need to make an appearance”

Tony rolled his eyes at me, and I bit my lip, “You know I hate it when you call me and talk about work”

Pepper sighed, I was beginning to feel sorry for her, “Tony, this is your company, I’m sending Happy to pick you up” and then she hung up.

“Duty calls” He said rolling himself out of bed and sitting on the edge, he dragged his shoes and jacket over and I found myself sad at the loss of warmth but I needed to get up as well and do something I couldn’t mope here all day and night, “Where are you going?” He asked when I got up as well.

I stretched, “Hmmm I’m not sure, thought I might go and storm another Hydra base” I joked and he rolled his eyes at me exasperated as he stood up and shrugged his jacket on.

Tony moved over to me slowly and when he got close enough he snagged my hips with his hands and tugged me into him, the swiftness of the movement made me a little breathless, that and the way he was looking at me. Was I dreaming right now? I stopped against his chest and looked up at him as he sighed.

“I’ll see you later, Freckles” He said softly before dipping his head and kissing me again his fingers tangling in my hair gently as he angled my face up toward his.

This kiss was different, it was slow and consuming and desperate with our bodies pressed together and both his hands touching me, the one not on my face held my waist firmly but gently so that I stayed as close to him as possible. I was lost in it, lost in the feeling and lost in the way he tasted and the way my body so effortlessly bent to his will. I wondered if this was how it always was for him. I wished I could stop thinking about whether this was genuine or all practised. Did he do this to all the girls he was with? Was I truly naive? My train of thought was broken by the feel of his tongue against mine and the way my mouth yielded to him without hesitation. He pulled away too soon, but so slowly as if it was as difficult for him as it was for me, and then he was gone out the door before I even had time to register that it was over.

Once I’d recovered and made sure that Tony was actually gone, I padded out to the kitchen in search of some coffee. I wasn’t sure I could actually stomach eating right now. I found the coffee freshly brewed and a clean mug waiting for me. I wondered if it had been Tony or Jarvis who had left it. Maybe it was just because I’d been through so much in the last few days, but the coffee tasted amazing. I held the cup in both hands as I sipped and leaned against the bench. I wasn’t sure what to do with myself now.
I still felt a little locked up, but the safety of the HQ and the predictability of the day-to-day training made me feel more secure, more grounded, more at peace. Nathaniel was gone, and I regretted not being able to save him. There was a deep sadness in me, but there was also an ember of hope, a kernel of flame that burned inside me, knowing that he’d loved me and looked up to me, and I needed to honour the trust he put in me. I sighed into my coffee.

“How’re you doing?” Nat’s voice greeted my ears, and I was keenly aware that I hadn't heard her approach.

“Much better now I have coffee," I replied.

She gave me a soft smile, “I’m sorry,” She said softly, “About your brother”

I looked away from her, “It’s okay”

“I have a sister,” She said, and I was surprised that she was opening up to me. Nat and I were friends but not close. I knew it was because of her training as a Widow, friends were a liability, “Her name is Yelena, I haven’t seen her in so long”

“Are you close?” I asked, hearing about siblings was nice and I didn’t think many of the other Avengers had any.

“We are,” Nat replied, pouring herself a cup of coffee and standing next to me at the bench, “It’s a good thing she isn’t here, though she would make fun of me for sure”

I huffed a soft laugh, “Nathaniel would love all of this. He loved the idea of being a hero and helping people. I think it would blow his mind if he’d seen it”

“What about you?” She asked curiously, “How do you feel about the whole hero gig?”

I knew that there was probably a part of Nat that was probing because she was a spy and an Avenger, and it made sense for them to want to know my mind and my intentions. But I couldn’t help but feel as if she was also genuinely curious, woman to woman. I hadn’t seen any other female Avengers or heroes here, and I wondered if that was quite lonely. I looked down at my hands wrapped around the coffee mug, used to do something so simple and mundane now, but capable of so much destruction, it almost seemed unfathomable.

“Astralis gave me these powers to protect people like she protected her planet, I know I can never go back to living a normal life now not when I know that I can do the things I can do, that I can help the world in ways that others can’t” I looked back at Nat, “I’m not sure how I feel about the Hero gig but I know that if I do nothing when I’m capable of doing something then I’m just as bad as Hydra” I took another sip of coffee, “I didn’t ask for these powers, but I have them, and I want to use them to help people, however that looks”

Nat’s eyes softened in a way I hadn’t seen before, and she gave me a warm smile, “I think we all reach that stage eventually, no matter what we’ve been through to get here. Does this mean you want to stay?” Her voice sounded a little hopeful.

“I suppose it does," I replied, “When you guys first found me, Steve asked what I would do if Bucky wanted to stay, and I was certain then that I’d let him stay here by himself, and I’d go off somewhere else, but Hydra are still out there, and who knows what else. Maybe this is where Buck and I were always meant to end up”

The elevator doors dinged open then, and we both looked up expectantly just in time to see Peter stroll out. He was no longer in his Spider-Man suit like he had been when I’d last seen him; instead, he was in jeans and a hoodie with his school bag slung over his shoulder. He caught our gaze across the room and gave an awkward wave before heading over to us. I’d forgotten how young he was.

“Hey, Freya, Nat, where is everyone?” He asked by way of greeting.

“Steve and Bucky are sparring downstairs, Tony’s off on meetings, and Clint is on leave for a little while, what are you up to, Kid?” Nat replied evenly, her voice was firm but her eyes betrayed her they were filled with affection.

“Damn, I was hoping Mr. Stark would be here I’ve got some great ideas for the new suit he made me, not that there is anything wrong with it of course it’s totally perfect but there were a few things I thought I could give him some pointers on” The words tumbled out of him a million miles an hour, like they always did.

“I’m sure he’ll love to hear your feedback,” I said, a hint of sarcasm in my tone.

“Do you really think so?” Peter asked earnestly, and I felt a bit bad for teasing him even though he hadn’t realised.

“I thought I heard voices” Steve entered the room from the stairwell with Bucky behind him, they were both red faced a little bruised, “What are you up to, Kid?”

Did everyone around here just call him kid? Bucky didn’t acknowledge Peter instead, he walked right up to the bench his eyes fixated on me.

“How are you feeling?” He asked, if I hadn’t known him and how serious he could be I’d have thought he was being hostile, he really needed to learn to loosen up in social environments.

“I’m okay,” I repeated, finishing the rest of my coffee.

“Have you been sick?” Peter asked, they were all looking at me now and I wished the floor would swallow me up.

“Ahhhh,” I wasn’t sure how much to tell Peter, which parts should be confidential, but I couldn’t bring myself to lie to him and treat him like a child, “My brother died, we buried him not long ago”

Peter frowned and his eyes grew genuinely sad, “I’m so sorry, Freya, I had no idea”

I held up my hand to stop his word vomit, “It’s okay, Peter, really, I’m sad but I’m okay”

He nodded as if he knew, but of course he did I remembered the day he said he needed to get home to his Aunt, “My parents died, I don’t remember it but I remember when my Uncle Ben died, it was really sad” His eyes glazed over as if he was remembering it, “Do you have any other family?”

I shook my head slowly, “Not any biological family,” I replied, my eyes moving to Bucky, his head tilted just slightly at the unspoken words between us. We were all the family we needed.

“Well, the Avengers are like a family, right?” He looked between the two current members standing with us, “And I really like you, so we can all be you’re family, if you want”

My eyes burned. He reminded me in so many ways of Nathaniel right no,w and whether that was because he was so young or because I’d lost my brother not so long ago and I was transferring those feelings to Peter, I wasn’t sure. But I blinked away the tears and gave Peter the happiest smile I could muster.

“That’d be nice,” Was all I could manage to get out before I turned and walked over to the sink to put my mug in it, they began chatting and I was glad for the brief reprieve.

Bucky was at my side a few moments later removing the mug from my hands and washing it out himself, “Have you eaten?” He asked very seriously and it reminded me of Tony telling me to eat something.

“I’m not hungry” I protested and his face didn’t shift an inch, he just stared at me, he was honestly insufferable when he was like this.

“I’ll make you something,” He insisted, and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. For the first time since I’d come back, the corners of his mouth twitched at my facial expression, “Hey, I can cook”

“What can you cook then?” I challenged and he hesitated, “Exactly”

“Well, you can help me then,” He said, nudging me with his side.

“By help, you mean I’ll be cooking while you watch?”

“I’ll be moral support” He opened the pantry for me as if he were trying to sell me the items inside, and a smile broke out on my face.

I knew that he was being silly on purpose, trying to involve me in mundane things because he understood that deep down I was in pain, and that I blamed myself for everything. He knew because he felt the same - and knowing that meant that I would indulge his silliness, not for myself but for him.