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Chapter Text

When he coughs up the first petal Giyuu is not really surprised. 

He knows immediately what it is, and knows he's dying. He might already be dead, actually.

He notices Kanroji watching him and immediately hides the petal in his closed fist in the red sleeve of his haori. She meets his eyes with a small smile and he feels inadequate under her somewhat fond gaze. He always has. 

On his right Iguro makes a growling sound at the back of his throat and Giyuu knows it must be because he must be annoyed with his coughing. 

Kocho also sends a glance his way but Giyuu keeps his features perfectly even, looking right in front of him, waiting for their master's arrival.

He knows Kocho will interrogate him as soon as the meeting is done and there's nothing he can do about it, it's heartwarming in a way, that she worries. Even if it's just out of her unending sense of duty. 

When Oyakata-sama walks in Giyuu forgets all about the petal squashed in his hand, worrying about their master's condition like everybody else in the garden at this moment. 

Oyakata-sama starts by thanking them, like is usual, and like always Giyuu tries to keep his attention somewhere else without looking uninterested, the master's praises are not for him to receive, he knows that. Then his name is called and he immediately feels like running away. 

A stupid, paranoid part of his brain tells him the master knows of his illness and who the recipient of his affection is and is going to expose him to the other hashira, but his master does something that might be even worse.

“Kamado Tanjiro and his sister have proven yet again to be a valuable addition to our corp, thank you for putting your life on the line to give them the possibility to prove themselves. - Shinazugawa scoffs under his breath somewhere to his left - You did well, my child.” And with that the master goes on, talking about the new sightings and news that come from all parts of Japan. 

Giyuu should really listen, but his ears are still ringing loudly, the praise wasn't necessarily directed at him, he barely did anything, it was more directed at the Kamado siblings, but Giyuu still feels his skin tingle at the attention. His eyes are glossy with tears and he feels a his throat close up with the need to scream. 

He stays perfectly still where he is and pretends like he is where he should be.

When the master leaves he bows like his fellow hashira and immediately gets up. He coughed more during the meeting and he's still holding the white petals in his hand. He needs to leave quick, before Kocho can interrogate him and figure out what's wrong with him before he even opens his mouth. 

“Leaving already, Tomioka?” Obanai calls, his voice filled with annoyance. Giyuu wishes that he would just ignore him like he does most of the time. 

He doesn't trust himself to speak so he just ignores the man and starts walking away. 

He feels more petals rise in his throat when he hears Shinazugawa mutter something about ungrateful bastarts.

He can't leave fast enough.

— 

It's only when he gets to his house that he gets rid of the small white petals, he doesn’t really look at them, doesn't need to know what kind of flower is growing inside his lungs, ready to kill him slowly and painfully.

—

That night, in the emptiness of his house he cries for the first time in a while, he thinks of his sister, of what she might say when she sees him again. And he thinks of Sabito, of the sacrifice he made to let Giyuu keep his life only for him to die so young and in such a dishonorable way.

He's a Hashira, he's supposed to die in battle, giving his life to save innocents, but even in death he will fail. He'll die choked up by nature's most delicate creation, his own body betraying him. 

For the umpteenth time since he survived his final exam, Giyuu wishes he had died instead of Sabito.

—

Kocho comes over unannounced the next day, Giyuu was expecting her to. She probes and pushes him to let her visit him, claiming that even a cold is too much of an inconvenience when demon sightings have been so frequent these days. 

Giyuu doesn't let her touch him but agrees to take some foul-smelling concoction she pushes in his hands with a solemn look. He also promises to come straight to her if he starts feeling worse. 

He humours her, mostly, wishing for the visit to be over as soon as possible. 

Kocho hasn't even fully left his property when Kanzaburo caws loudly right outside his window. Giyuu wastes no time getting his katana and running in the direction his kasugai crow guides him towards. 

Kanzaburo stops in the middle of absolutely nowhere, Giyuu looks around, but nothing seems to indicate the presence of demons around him. 

He's still quite confused when he hears shuffling behind him, he turns with his sword drawn, ready to strike anything coming his way when he sees a pair of very familiar green eyes, and even more familiar two toned hair. He relaxes slightly while Kanroji smiles brightly at him, lunging at him. 

Giyuu catches her despite his surprise. Kanroji stays like that for what feels like hours but realistically is about a couple of minutes. Giyuu feels himself slowly relax in her hold when Kanroji starts sniffling quietly.

Now worried, Giyuu removes the girl from his arms to look at her face, when he notices tears in her eyes he starts checking fon any injuries he might have missed. 

“Are you hurt anywhere?” He asks, but is only met with more sniffling before Kanroji starts fully crying and throws  herself at him yet again.

“Kanro- Mitsuri - the name is foreign in his mouth, but it seems appropriate in this situation- are you okay?” He asks, worry now clear in his voice.

“I am.” Kanroji confirms and Giyuu relaxes slightly.

“Then what-”

“I know of your flowers.” She says in the crook of his neck and Giyuu feels himself stiffen in her hold.

She detaches herself from him after a few more sniffles and looks at him with shaky breaths and wet eyes. Giyuu is not good at comforting people, but he still reaches for her face and dries her tear stained face for her. Kanroji's lower lip wobbles at the gesture and Giyuu starts to retract his hand as quickly as he can. 

“Who is it?” she asks, reaching for his hand. Giyuu has a half mind to lie, but he knows that any name out of his mouth will have the same weight for the Love Hashira, so he just tells her the truth.

“Shinazugawa.” the name burns his tongue on its way out and is followed by small white petals.

Kanroji's eyes widen in shock and then she glances at the petals on the ground, her eyes fill with more tears when she looks at Giyuu. 

“Chrysanthemum.” she says, and it sounds like a death sentence. It's then that it truly hits him. He's going to die. 

Tomioka Giyuu is a dead man. 

— 

Tomioka Giyuu wishes he was a dead man. 

After that night, when Mitsuri lured him into the forest just to tell him she saw him cough up petals,  she has barely left his side. She stands uncomfortably close during Hashira meetings, earning him death glares from Obanai, and she visits him almost once a day, just to check on him.

The only times he had peace was when he was out on a mission but lately Oyakata-sama has decided to pair them together to check out an alleged demon hideout, a dark road where multiple travelers seem to have disappeared into thin air at night. 

Oyakata-sama tells them that they suspect that there's either more than one demon or that this demon has to have some kind of blood demon art, given the big amount of people that disappear every night. 

Mitsuri takes his hand when Oyakata-sama dismisses the Hashira and Sanemi makes a biting remark about the Love Hashira having to do all the work. She squeezes his hand almost painfully as Giyuu feels petals rise in his mouth. 

He does his best not to cough, and when Mitsuri meets his eyes they widen in shock. She turns as Shinazugawa approaches them and stands fully in front of him. 

“I would love to stay here and chat Sanemi, but the master was clear, we need to leave as soon as possible.” and with that the Love Hashira is dragging him away at  a pace so fast it could be defined as running. 

As soon as they're out of sight Mitsuri turns around and cleans his face with the sleeve of her haori. 

The petals are not that frequent but they are mandatory whenever he's in close proximity of the Wind Hashira. So the Love Hashira has made it a point to always stay close by in case some petals get stuck on his face. 

It's embarrassing, needing Mitsuri to clean his face, but she's so tender with him when she does and Giyuu hasn't felt a soft touch in so long that he doesn't really find it in himself to complain at the gentle ministration.

“Will you ever listen to me, Giyuu?” That is also new, using their names, Mitsuri had insisted that no friend of hers should ever call her by something other than a name, or nickname.

Giyuu heart had stuttered a bit at hearing the word ‘friend’. 

Before Kocho had pointed it out he hadn't realised the other Hashira felt such way about him, but after that day he'd started noticing the subtle way he was always the odd one out. 

He knew it was his fault, but the realisation stung still. 

Mitsuri had never outright treated him badly, but he had assumed she also felt the same way the other Hashira did, and he couldn't blame her. 

So, when Mitsuri called him a friend, Giyuu felt something in his chest slowly loosen. 

Now, as she stands there, waiting for his rebuttal, she looks at him with fond exasperation, and Giyuu knows that until the day his last breath leaves his infested lungs Kanroji Mitsuri will stay by his side, begging him to let her do something, anything.

Is a familiar song and dance, one that they have gone through multiple times since Mitsuri first found out. She will tell him that there has to be something they could do and he will remind her that the man he loves hates him more than anyone else in the world. 

She will then ask him to seek help from a doctor, or anyone that could offer a solution other than his death, and he will tell her that there is no solution.

He will also lie to her then, because the other way exists, it's just that Giyuu would rather die than take it.

— 

The treck to their destination is not silent like Giyuu is used to. Mitsuri talks to him the entire way, and Giyuu answers in short, clipped sentences, it seems to be enough for the other because her smiles turns brighter everytime Giyuu shows that he is listening.

He would usually run to his destination, but Mitsuri had insisted they walk, her reasoning seemed to make sense. 

They had departed really early in the day, and their destination was close enough that they reach it long before the sun set. Once on site they both start looking for any visible signs of a demon being in the area.

By the time the sun actually sets they only have the faint smell of blood and the heavy feeling something is hiding in the shadows. 

Mitsuri sees it first. She calls out his name from where she's standing behind him. 

Giyuu feels the demon before he's even seen it. He unsheathes his katana and turns around, but then a second demon appears behind him and slashes at his back.  

He doesn't fall, but loses his footing long enough for the other demon to kick him in the chest and send him straight to the floor. The two demons then pounce on him, he holds one back with his forearm while he slashes the other’s throat. 

The demon dies with a growl and the other bites down on his harm hard enough for his rotten teeth to get to his skin and draw blood. He hisses quietly before lunging his sword into the demon's shoulder and pushing it down, effectively slicing its arm off. 

The demon lets go of his harm then, wailing in pain, and he uses the moment to push himself up and kill it. 

As soon as he's on his feet he turns to where he last saw the Love Hashira, Mitsuri is battling her own pair of demons. And when Giyuu is about to make his way to her he feels his throat close up. 

He starts coughing painfully, until a bunch of petals come out of his throat onto the floor, the white stained by little droplets of blood. 

He doesn't think too much about that though, after he regains his composure he lunges for the Love Hashira, using his second form to cut straight to both demons attacking Mitsuri.

When the demons are dead he notices Mitsuri has blood splattered on her cheek, no doubt from the demons she killed already, he reaches out to clean her up before he thinks it through.

Mitsuri's smile dies when her eyes focus on something behind them and she pushes him to the side with her.

A  big flame burns the floor where they were standing and Giyuu wonders how he could have missed the presence of such a strong demon.

Him and Mitsuri don't take much to kill the demon. His Water breathing mashes surprisingly well with her Love breathing. The demon is dead before the night is even halfway through, but dread fills Giyuu for the rest of the time it takes them to find the demons hideout.

When they find the cave it's impossible to mistake it for anything else, blood stains its entrance and the stench of blood and death is so strong to make the woman next to him gag a little.

When he looks to her he notices her eyes are glossy, and he tells her to busy herself sending a message to the Ubuyashiki Estate while he buries what's left of the people the demons slaughtered.

It's so many people, but there's so little left, and Giyuu finds himself crying while burying the corpses of men and women who had no fault other than being in the wrong place at the wrong moment.

When he emerges from the cave Mitsuri is waiting for him with her waterskin in hand, offering it to him. 

Giyuu gladly accepts, and then they start making their way back home.

When they have to separate Mitsuri makes him promise to send Kanzaburo to her if he needs anything, and he humours her, knowing he will just deal with the flowers himself if he was to cough them.

—

The weeks pass slowly, but the petals keep coming up, sometimes there's blood on them and he's quick to hide those from the Love Hashira.

And then Kocho finds out.

It goes like this: 

He's at the butterfly mansion to make an injury report, he's walking down the familiar path when he hears the Wind Hashira's voice. He doesn't sound as angry as Giyuu is used, he sounds quite pleased actually, talking with Aoi.

The little girl is telling him something about a full recovery and Shinazugawa thanks her quite nicely, for his standards. When he rounds the corner he finds himself face to face with the white haired man and his expression immediately turns sour. Shinazugawa glares at him before smacking his shoulder into him and walking away. As he hears his steps recede and Aoi smiles sympathetically at him, Giyuu feels something lodge in his throat.

He makes a run for it and locks himself in the first room he can find.

Giyuu coughs up his first full flower in front of Kocho Shinobu.

She puts the pieces together immediately, her eyes scan his face while her mouth turns into a straight line, worry and anger etched onto her features.

“I take it this is what brought upon your newfound friendship with Kanroji?” she asks, and Giyuu feels his cheeks burn.

“Maybe she just enjoys my company.” He says through broken breaths. Kocho sighs before raising to her feet and guiding him to sit on the floor. 

She hands him some water when Giyuu's breath keeps coming ragged. He downs the water avidly and nods his head at her in thanks once he's done.

“Is it Shinazugawa?” Giyuu looks at her with wide eyes and she hums. Sometimes she scares him more than any demon could.

“Have you talked to a doctor yet?” She asks. 

“Kocho…” He starts. She doesn't let him finish though.

“You can't survive this if you don't let them take it out. Giyuu.” 

When Mitsuri first said his name she said it with gentle affection, her worry seeping through the sound, making his heart constrict painfully at the thought of bringing her pain. 

When Kocho says his name she does so with authority. It's like she wants him to hear her. And he knows she's right but he can't bring himself to care.

“I won't let them take this away.” He says. He knows Kocho wants to say more but he leaves before she can. 

He's good at running away.

— 

If Mitsuri attention was overwhelming sometimes, her and Shinobu make for Giyuu worst nightmare.

He wakes up one night, flower petals already in his mouth, and he only registers the soft hand on his back when the bud is out of his throat. He jumps away in surprise, only to find Shinobu kneeling down next to his futon.

“What the fuck - a cough wreaks through his body - are you doing in my house?” He asks, Shinobu watches him without answering. Her eyes a tad wider than usual. 

When he brings his hand to his face he feels his fingers touch the blood staining his chin. 

Shinobu sighs when she passes him some water, and her eyes betray the words Giyuu asked her not to say.

He knows what she wants him to do.

— 

It would be easy, to listen to Shinobu, she already found a doctor willing to help him. 

But Giyuu can't. 

When his sister died he thought he would never smile again, but then he met a boy with peach hair and gentle eyes, and Sabito became like the sun of his life. He was pulled out of the shadows one smile at a time.

What Sabito died he swore to never fall in love again, clearly love wasn't meant for him.

But then he met the Wind Hashira, with his short temper and the ability to find something offensive in everything he says. 

Whenever Mitsuri asks him why Shinazugawa of all people Giyuu never knows how to answer. He doesn't know how to verbalise the pull he feels towards the other man. The fire burning in his core makes Giyuu feel alight, and his unyielding sense of justice reminds him of Sabito while still being impossibly unique to the white haired man. 

Giyuu didn't think he had still love to feel before he met the Wind Hashira, and it shouldn't make sense for him to love him. But he does, uncomfortably so.

Shinobu says it makes sense, that Giyuu would be attracted to Sanemi's loud and aggressive character, she says it's like he was looking for someone to drag him out of his quiet and miserable existence.

Giyuu ought to be more offended by the things Shinobu says to him, but he finds that he doesn't really mind, when he knows she's only partially telling the truth.

Mitsuri cries everytime they talk about it. So they stop talking about his feelings altogether.

— 

Iguro finds out casually, and Giyuu kind of expected him to. 

He's in Mitsuri's house, with Shinobu prodding at his chest,  she says it's to study his illness, Giyuu thinks she just wants him to cough the flower stuck in his throat since that morning. 

Iguro comes in unannounced, and they don't notice him immediately, they actually don't notice him at all until Giyuu finally chockes on soft white petals and throws up in a bucket Mitsuri gave him hours prior. 

When he looks up he meets Iguro's wide eyes, and he feels like throwing up for an entirely different reason. 

Mitsuri is quick to get up and shield him with her body as more and more bile rises up his throat along with petals. But it's late now, Iguro has seen the flower coming out of his mouth, and if his expression is anything to go by he knows what that means.

“How long..?” discomfort is clear in his voice, as he looks from Mitsuri to him and back to the Love Hashira. Shinobu's hand is still on his back, and she's tense, like she's ready for an attack.

“A while.” He answers, cleaning his mouth with the sleeve of his uniform. Iguro looks at him with something akin to sympathy and nods.

“Have you confessed yet?” He doesn't ask who it is, and Giyuu is grateful for that. He shakes his head and sees Mitsuri's hands start to shake again.

“Let's not talk about that.” He tries.

“What about the operation? I'm sure Kocho could do it for you, or find someone to do it.” He says, and Mitsuri turns to look at them, anger and shock in her green eyes. 

“Operation?” she asks, doubtful.

“Yeah. They take away his flowers and the memories of the person he loves, it's not a common practice, but I'm sure we could find a good doctor to-” Iguro talks like he cares. But Giyuu's blood is frozen in his veins.

“No.” He says, stopping the Serpent Hashira in the middle of his sentence.

He sees Mitsuri's eyes turn glossy yet again, and his heart pangs with guilt at seeing the girl cry again because of him. Iguro takes her hand in his and squeezes. 

“Tomioka that would kill you.” Giyuu looks at him with unshead tears in his eyes and Iguro drops the subject. Opting to tell Mitsuri what he actually came to do. 

— 

Obanai's less aggressive with him after that. 

Giyuu doesn't know what to do with himself the first few times Obanai offered a tissue for him to hide petals in, or when he catches hie eyes from across the garden during meetings and rather than a sneer he has a question in his eyes. 

At first he thought he was acting out of pity, it would make sense, but when Obanai showed up at his house and spent the whole evening introducing Giyuu to his snake he knew it was something different, maybe it wasn't friendship, but with time it could be.

He asks him, one day, as he's sitting across from him in his room, why the sudden change.

“Mitsuri cried for you, and you looked guilty about it. It was more emotions I've ever seen on your face since meeting you.” He says, and Giyuu wonders if they could have been friends sooner if he wasn't the way he is.

—

Mitsuri decides he has to go on dates.

Obanai finds it hilarious.

Shinobu thinks it might just save his life. 

Giyuu hates every second of it with a burning passion.

—

The first date he goes on goes horribly, the guy is some random man who had flirted with Iguro in a shop while he and Mitsuri where shopping. Mitsuri barely knows his name, but she thinks he seems nice. 

Giyuu doesn't want to go, but Mitsuri plays the distressed friend and he relents.

The man tries to kiss him within the first two minutes of the date, and then spends the rest of the time commenting on how his long hair makes him look so feminine and pretty. 

Giyuu has a half mind to stab him and claim he turned into a demon.

When he gets to the butterfly mansion he finds Iguro and Mitsuri waiting for him.

“So?” She asks expectantly. Giyuu glowers at her and throws the closes thing he can find at Iguro when he laughs.

— 

Mitsuri keeps finding him dates, and some are not even that bad. Giyuu is just not interested in any of these men.

The last date he goes to, he's met with a man with a gentle smile and soft eyes, he's a slayer, and he seems to be good company enough. He brought him flowers.

It goes surprisingly well until the man asks about Giyuu's last mission and while Giyuu is briefly telling him he starts to pet his head. 

Giyuu looks at him, he doesn’t know what his face is doing but it must be a mix of surprise and offended. 

“It's okay now. You don't have to worry.” tha man says. 

And Giyuu has been on his best behavior the entire time, but  ir reaction is instictive, even before he can remember his promise to the pink and green haired girl. 

He leaves the man fith food in his hair and takes the flowers out of spite.

— 

When he walks into Iguro's house, where Kanzaburo said he would find the other Hashira, he slams the flowers on the table in front of Mitsuri. She looks surprised at the flowers before smiling cheekily up at him. 

“Are these for me?” she asks.

Giyuu looks to Iguro for help but the man has tears already streaming down his face. 

“He pet my head.” he says, as if it's all the information Mitsuri needs to know how bad the date went. 

Iguro's laughter becomes even stronger but he's busy staring at Mitsuri as she stifles a laugh behind her hand. 

“I take it the date went well?” she says. And Giyuu deflates, sitting on the ground next to her and kicking Iguro on his way down.

“Date?” It's only then that he notices Shinazugawa sitting right across from them. He feels his face burn with embarrassment immediately. 

He looks at Mitsuri whose smile has turned apologetic. And Iguro regains his composure to explain that Mitsuri has just gotten it into his head that she wants Giyuu to find love. 

The Water Hashira is grateful for that, and meets Iguro's eyes with what he hopes looks like gratitude. The curve of the other's smiling eyes tells him he knows. 

Shinazugawa clears his throat and Giyuu realises he's beeing stared at by a really worked up Wind Hashira who hastily takes his leave when his eyes meet Giyuu's.

For the first time since that morning Giyuu throws up flowers.

— 

After that Shinazugawa is somewhat colder towards him. And glares far more at any interaction he has with the Snake Hashira.

—

Missions come and go, and Shinobu, Mitsuri and Iguro always make it a point to go with him. 

It makes him feel weak but he knows, as the illness progresses, that he needs it. 

Most of the time a well placed hit on his chest sends him into a coughing fit that completely stops his breathing techniques. 

If it wasn't for his friends he would have died on almost every single mission.

Shinobu came up with some explanation for their behaviour and Oyakata-sama took it without question, just wishing his fast recovery. Giyuu didn't even ask what she told him, he's just grateful he can still help his fellow slayers as best as he can.

He can't say any of that to Shinazugawa, though. 

So everytime someone offers to go with him Shinazugawa makes his dissatisfaction with Giyuu known, and Giyuu chokes on fully bloomed chrysanthemums  while turning away and ignoring the pain embedded into his chest.

It's how they find themselves in this situation.

Iguro standing defensively in front of Giyuu, while he chokes petals and blood into a tissue. 

Shinazugawa hasn't attacked just because he's shocked, and Giyuu feels guilt rise up his throat together with the flowers. 

“Let it go Sanemi.” Iguro says, voice tense like his shoulders. Mitsuri is standing next to him, rubbing at his back in soft, circular motions. 

“Why the fuck does he nees to be chaperoned huh?” the white haired man demands. And Shinobu goes to stand next to Obanai. 

“It's for medical reasons,” she starts, but doesn't get past the first sentence.

“Then he shouldn't be on the field! - the Wind Hashira thunders, pointing at him- Look at him! It's pathetic!” More flowers come out of his mouth and he can't possibly hide all of them. 

“What is the meaning of all of this?” Oyakata-sama says. His voice even and peaceful as always. Giyuu lifts his face to him and Mitsuri is quick to clean some residue of blood from his chin, he sees the red hue stain her white haori. 

There's so much guilt burning inside of him.

—

Oyakata-sama sends him and Shinazugawa on a mission together. 

The striped demon who had almost killed Rengoku a few days prior had been seen right outside of  Tokyo, and the master though it would be a great way to help Giyuu and Shinazugawa see eye to eye. 

Shinobu gives him some vials to drink if his throat itches, and Mitsuri hugs him like he's about to die. Iguro looks him dead in the eyes and tells him not to.

Giyuu feels loved.

Except that Shinazugawa doesn't love him, and never will. His pace is brutal and Giyuu has to use all of his strength to keep his breathing even. He stops before Shinazugawa when their crows tell them that's where the demon was last seen. 

Shinazugawa starts immediately looking for traces of demon activities. While Giyuu needs a couple of seconds taking deep breaths. On his last exhale a petal flies out of his mouth and falls slowly to the floor. Giyuu watches as it falls and feels heavy in his lungs. 

“The fuck are you doing?” Shinazugawa asks. Giyuu didn't even realise he was stuck in place for that long. But time is starting to escape him more and more lately. 

He shakes his head and turns away from the Wind Hashira. Looking around to find any sign of a demon. 

He feels Shinazugawa's anger like it's a physical force. But then the man seems to give up because he walks the opposite direction. 

Giyuu can hear him somewhere behind him, then he feels it. He turns around to see Shinazugawa with his sword already drawn. The demon studies the white haired man before he turns to him.

“I like your friend, he seems like a fighter.” The demon says. Shinazugawa makes a grumbling sound.

“You don't seem like you have much fight left in you. What is it huh? What's killing you?” Giyuu doesn't react past gripping his sword tightly. 

He recalls Tanjiro's story of the attack and knows the demon will try to eliminate him quickly to have a fair fight with Shinazugawa. 

“Hey dipshit!” the Wind Hashira calls. And the demon's eye flash with interest before he turns. 

He tilts his head and avoids Shinazugawa's second form like it's the easiest thing in the world. Shinazugawa grits his teeth.

Giyuu doesn't have his breathing under control enough to use his water breathing, but he still charges at the demon. He somehow manages to slash his hand off, but it grows back in a matter of seconds. 

Shinazugawa attacks again and Giyuu finds himself filling the openings he leaves in his haste. He blocks most of the hits meant for Shinazugawa and the man never once seems to realise that he would have died if it wasn't for him.

After a while the demon, Akaza, seems to get bored and grabs Shinazugawa by his neck with a speed that none of them could ever match. 

He then throws Shinazugawa behind him and kicks Giyuu straight in his chest. 

The hit leaves him reeling. His throat spasm around a flower. Giyuu folds at his middle as his hands fly instinctively to his throat. Shinazugawa has yet to get up and Giyuu worries he might have hit his head.

The demon watches with a smirk as Giyuu throws up blood and petals, and laughs delighted when a fully bloomed chrysanthemum falls from his lips. 

“Oh you're a dead one.” the demon says and then turns around ready to kill Shinazugawa, no doubt.

Giyuu doesn't have time to think. He forces his lungs to cooperate as he gets up and calls out for his eleventh form. 

The demon falters for a second and it's all Giyuu needs to. He decapitates the demon. Who doesn't die, and regenerates quite quickly. Giyuu stands there, shocked, breathing heavily as blood fills his mouth,he spits it to the floor, trying to breathe as he prepares to attack again, just then the first ray of lights hit the ground and Akaza uses the time it takes for him to steady his breathing to run off. 

As soon as the danger is gone Giyuu starts heaving again. He falls to his knees next to Shinazugawa when his lungs fail him completely. 

He shakes the other Hashira and gives him a tonic Shinobu made for him. The liquid has an immediate effect on the man who sits up with a start. Looking frantically around him. 

“What the fuck happened?” He asks, but Giyuu's busy trying to survive the flowers festering in his lungs.

“Tomioka what..?” Shinazugawa seems concerned when he realises Giyuu's breath comes short and quick. 

“Breathe asshole, what are you doing?” Shinazugawa grows more frantic the more Giyuu stays not breathing.

He can feel the stem of the flower scathe his windpipe, and when the flower finally comes out it's with stem and leaves. Fully covered in blood.

“Tomioka!” Shinazugawa grabs at his face and turns him towards him. His eyes are wild with something that Giyuu deliriously thinks it's fear. 

His vision blurs but he can hear the kakushi get to scene clearly.  

The last thing he feels is a pair of arms wrap protectively around him, and distantly wonders how Shinobu manages to always be there when she's needed.

Chapter Text

Sanemi Shinazugawa might be impulsive, and hasty, and hot-headed, but he's no fool. So he notices when Kanroji starts acting weird towards the Water Hashira.

And it's not that he cares for the other man, he doesn’t, but the two of them seem to be keeping something from the rest of them, and that makes him uneasy.

Weeks pass by and Kanroji seems to be set to never leave the man alone, even for a moment.

It bothers Iguro more than it bothers him, but Sanemi still notices how close they stand, and how much she looks at him, or how the usually aloof man is uncharacteristically cooperative with the Love Hashira, and lets her do whatever she deems appropriate.

He also notices how Kanroji's eyes widen everytime he coughs, and how she's next to him in a matter of seconds when he does.

He keeps track of their movements through every hasira meeting, but it’s not because he cares, mind you, he just can't figure out what any of this means.

—

The days pass and Kanroji stays steadfast at Tomioka's side, and he seems to be more and more comfortable with her clinginess.

His cough is also still clearly an issue.

That bothers him more than it should, but, in his defence, Tomioka's a Hashira, a stupid cough shouldn't last him weeks; and also, why is Kocho not doing anything about it?

“I just don't get it. What does Mitsuri want with him?” Iguro says while lunging himself at him.

Sanemi lifts his sword to stop his attack and pushes him back.

“What the fuck would I know.” He grumbles when Iguro looks at him expectantly. The Snake Hashira attacks again but he's not really focused, so Sanemi throws his sword as far away as he can and pushes him to the ground, annoyed.

“Get your head out of your ass, bastard.” He says and storms away.

Tomioka Giyuu has literally ruined his day.

—

He can't sleep. And it's because he keeps seeing Kanroji's defensive stance when he tried to get closer to the Water Hashira. He doesn't understand why the Love Hashira feels this surge of protectiveness for the blue eyed man. And it’s slowly driving him insane. He feels like Iguro.

Sometimes he thinks that they might have some kind of relationship, but knows how crazy he sounds.

He's still tossing and turning when he realises the sun has risen again.

Without even being around Tomioka fucked up his day again.

—

The next time he sees the Water Harisha it's in the butterfly mansion. He's been out of commission for a few days and Aoi has just told him he's free to go.

When he rounds the corner he comes face to face with the Water Hashira. And his heart immediately lurches at the sight while a traitorous part of his brain whispers that he missed the other's dark blue eyes.

He slams his shoulder into the other man on his way to kill his thoughts.

Later, in the darkness of his house, he thinks back to deep blue eyes and realises that the man looked more tired than he'd ever seen, and that his usual stoic mask was replaced with something more human.

—

Shinazugawa Sanemi is no fool. He knows what he feels for Tomioka isn't hatred. Not the way it should. And surely not the way he claims.

He knows what it means when his heart seems to stop everytime he sees any type of emotion on the other's face.

He knows why he looks for the man's mismatched haori as soon as he gets close to the Ubuyashiki Estate for Hashira meetings.

He knows what hunger prompts him to probe and push at the other man. He knows why the hunger is satisfied only when dark blue eyes look at him.

He knows somewhere along the line he fell in love with the quiet and gloomy Hashira.

He's never said it out loud, and he doesn't plan to.

The realisation is new, but he's not really surprised. It came during the Kamado siblings’ trail.

When he heard that Giyuu had promised to commit seppuku should the demon girl harm any human.

He had acted out of sheer frustration towards the aloof man. Who stood there with the air of a man who hadn't just put his life on the line for a demon girl he had seen once years prior.

He didn’t want Nezuko to attack him, not really. It was just so unfair that his mother had killed her own children when she turned and somehow this child was able to resist even his blood. He was angry, and scared, and part of him wished Nezuko had attacked him so he wouldn’t have to deal with the realisation that demons could choose not attack humans and his mother had just been weak.

Later that night he had cursed at himself for being so reckless.

He's always admired Tomioka, despite the man acting like he was so above all of them. He knew that, other than maybe Himejima, Tomioka was the most able of all of them, untouchable behind his eleventh form.

He’s always stood so proud and composed, even when fighting. If he had to pick one of them to eventually replace Himejima he knew Tomioka would be the right choice. And he admired him as much as he despised his emotionless face, and uninterested gaze.

He also knows he's always found the other attractive. That one was no sudden realization, just another thing to fuel his bad attitude towards the Water Hashira.

Shinazugawa Sanemi knows he's in love with Tomioka Giyuu, but it's not like it really matters.

—

At some point during the weeks Kocho has started to join Kanroji in her quiet quest to never let Tomioka out of her sight.

Something burns in Sanemi's chest when he catches Kocho's hand leave the Hashira's face while the man smiles gratefully at her.

He's not jealous. There is no reason why he should feel such a stupid thing towards a man he treats like the dirt under his shoe. But the thing in his chest is painful enough that Sanemi has to address it in some way.

He calls it anger, because it's better than any othe option.

It’s worry, though. He’s worried when he notices the glances the two women pass each other when Tomioka's not looking. And sees how both of them seem to tense up as soon as the Water Hashira coughs.

He's also still wondering what the fuck is up with the cough. It's been months now and rather than healing he seems to be doing worse and worse. He' knows it’s something bad, if not even Kocho can make him better.

Maybe he should ask.

—

The next time he sees Giyuu Tomioka he's about to leave the Butterfly mansion after an injury report. He's walking slowly when he hears crying from one of the rooms.

When he peeks inside he sees Tomioka holding a crying Kanroji in his arms. He looks so sad and guilty, and he pats her hair softly. The expression is foreign on his face and Sanemi wishes he would just go back to looking uninterested.

He's always wanted to see his mask crumble, but he's never wanted to see the other man in so much anguish, he realises.

Kanroji is still crying when she lets go of her grip on the man's haori. She looks up at him and apologises. Giyuu reaches to dry her tears and makes a joke Sanemi can't hear. But he sees his smile when Kanroji giggles. And it's the most beautiful thing Sanemi has seen in a while.

—

Iguro has a lot of theories.

Most of them are absolutely stupid.

“Maybe he's really rich and the girls are poisoning him.”

“What is wrong with you, man?”

But one sticks to his brain and rots there.

“What if he's sick and he's dying?”

Sanemi shoves him out of his house as quickly as possible.

—

Sometime later Iguro also starts to act weirdly towards Tomioka.

Other than being in on whatever secret agenda the girls have, he also volunteers to go on a bunch of missions with the Water Hashira.

Everytime Sanemi asks him what's up he pretends not to know what he's talking about.

Other times Sanemi catches him when he's particularly raw and he gets some clipped words that paint a picture that freezes his heart in his chest.

“How did your mission go?” He asks.

Iguro's eyes look heavy where he lays on the ground. But he still looks up at him with interest.

“It went well enough, Giyuu got through it without a single-” he stops himself before he can say anything of actual meaning.

Sanemi wants to push, but thinks better of it. He knows he’ll get nothing out of the Serpent Hashira if he pushes too much.

There's a deeply uncomfortable feeling at the back of his mind and he doesn't know what to do with a feeling so fragile.

So he turns it into anger.

Everytime Kocho passes Giyuu vial upon vial, and everytime Kanroji watches him with sad and questioning eyes, and everytime Iguro pats his back and gives him a tissue, everything builds up in him until he has enough emotions to turn them into white hot anger.

And that anger is always directed at a pair of blue eyes that everyday seem more vulnerable than the previous ones.

—

Kanroji is setting Tomioka up for dates. And Sanemi's not jealous.

He's not jealous when Tomioka shows up unannounced at the Serpent Hashira's house and looks more alive than ever.

He's not jealous when he slams a bouquet of pink and white flowers down in front of Kanroji, and doesn't even seem to notice him.

He's not jealous when Kanroji looks up at him with a disgustingly cheeky smile and asks if the flowers are for her.

He's not jealous when the blue eyes that seem to look over anyone with disinterest look at his friend as if asking for help.

He's not-

He's incredibly jealous when he hears Tomioka say that someone had pet his head. Even more so when he hears that he's supposedly coming back from a date.

He watches as Kaburamaru slithers over to the Water Hashira and how the man starts to pass his hand delicately on the white scales. His movements easy and practiced, like he’s done that same thing a thousand times. And maybe he has, seeing as rather than be angry or nervous or even annoyed Iguro seems quite content to just let his snake wrap itself around Tomioka’s figure.

He doesn't realise he's spoken until Tomioka's head snaps in his direction, looking like a deer caught in a hunter’s aim.

Iguro explains in his stead, but Sanemi doesn't take his eyes off of the raven haired man for even a second. That also means that he doesn't miss the slightest curve of his lips when he catches Iguro's eyes, as if thanking him.

His face suddenly feels really warm with something he doesn't care to name, but if he did he would call it jealousy. A burning jealousy that makes him leave the house before he does something stupid like demand to take Tomioka on a date, or worse, kiss him on his stupidly pretty mouth.

If he's a little colder towards the Water Harisha after that it has nothing to do with the all encompassing desire to be the one that gets to touch his fluffy jet black hair, or to be the one whose flowers Tomioka throws in front of Kanroji, or to just straight up kiss the man stupid.

Nothing like that at all.

—

It all comes crashing down before another Hashira meeting.

Giyuu coughs on his right and Kanroji is next to him at neck breaking speed. Iguro is also there, giving out yet another tissue, next to him Takito doesn't seem too interested and Himejima is about to ask what's wrong when Iguro tells Giyuu that he can skip the meeting if he's not feeling up to it. He's saying that Oyakata-sama will understand.

Sanemi has never been more worried about another Hashira.

So, of course, he gets mad. He shoves Iguro out of the way and gets a glimpse at something red staining Tomioka's chin. The sight makes him lose momentum and Iguro shoves him back with more strength than he's ever used with him outside of training.

He's fighting with Iguro before he knows it. He says something mean, a lot of mean things. He calls Tomioka pathetic, because it's easier to admit that he's terrified at what the blood means.

Oyakata-sama luckily stops them before any more venom can come out of his mouth.

—

He's running too fast, he knows he is. And he can feel Tomioka struggle to breathe behind him.

He wants to stop, he really does , and just as he's about to his crow tells them they've arrived.

Regret settles in his chest when he sees Tomioka struggle to breathe, but he can't find the strength to apologise.

He walks away when he finds that Tomioka won't even look him in the eyes, opting to just turn his back on him, but he deserves it and he's fully aware of it.

He wishes he was better at this. Even Obanai Iguro was able to break Tomioka's unpenetrable defences, and somehow he can't manage.

He gnaws at his lower lip while busying himself with looking for any trace of the disgusting creature lurking in the dark.

He feels it, rather that see it, and he turns around as fast as he can, sword already out. The demon studies him and says something about him being a fighter before he turns to Tomioka.

The Hashira's hold on his sword is so strong his knuckles are turning white.

“You don't seem like you have much fight left in you. What is it huh? What's killing you?” Giyuu doesn't react, but Sanemi feels his skin tingle.

When he calls out to the demon and attacks he knows his steps are predictable, he knows he's doing a horrible job, but all he can think about is the fact that the demon was about to attack Giyuu.

Tomioka comes forth and with one swift motion cuts the demon's hand off. It does little to no damage since the demons regenerates its hand in seconds.

Sanemi attacks again, and notices how Tomioka can't use his breathing techniques, how his breath is still ragged. He also notices how the Water Hashira is basically shielding him from any attack the demon throws their way, letting him attack blindly.

He sees the demon hand reach out to him but he can't move fast enough.

When his back hits the trunk of a three his vision goes completely white. He's aware of everything happening around him but can't move.

He hears the coughs that heave out of Tomioka, and hears the amused way the demon taunts him.

“Oh you're a dead one.” he says. Laughter in his voice laced with something vile. It makes Sanemi’s insides churn.

 He hears Giyuu call out his eleventh form as he lands in front of him. Feels the air move around him. And still can’t do anything but lie there as Tomioka cuts through the attack, impenetrable.

He hears the demon run away and a second later sunlight hits his face, then he hears Tomioka cough in a way that sounds so awfully painful he cringes internally.

When the coughing ends he feels his head be lifted and some foul-tasting liquid being pured down his throat. He feels immediately better and opens his eyes frantically. He knows that the demon has run with the first rays of sun but he still feels like danger is looming over him.

“What the fuck happened?” he asks when he notices tears piling in the other's eyes.

“Tomioka what..?” concern is clear in his voice but he can't find it in himself to hide it. Giyuu looks at him with wide eyes as tears start streaming down his cheeks.

“Breathe asshole, what are you doing?” He feels frantic, fear gripping at his lungs as Tomioka turns red with the effort. His breath just won't come and Sanemi has absolutely no idea what the fuck he's supposed to do.

It's then that something horrifying happens, a whole fucking flower falls out of his mouth, stem, leaves and all that shit. The worst part is that it's all covered in blood.

“Tomioka!” He acts on impulse grabbing the man's face, he turns his face towards him and sees consciousness slowly leave his eyes.

He's too scared to shake the man but he grips him so hard he must leave marks on his arms.

He hears the kakushi arrive but he's too scared to let Tomioka go.

It's only when Kocho arrives and reminds him that to heal the man she has to touch him that he lets go.

He watches as Tomioka is hauled away and realises he's crying.

—

His recovery is fast. Turns out the tonic was some sort of experiment Kocho put together to try and give Tomioka some additional strength.

He goes in and out of consciousness for a couple of days, but without fail everytime he wakes up he asks about Giyuu's condition.

When he's finally good enough to stay conscious for hours he refuses to leave Kocho's house.

Refuses to leave Tomioka's side, actually.

He's there when Uzui comes visit with his wives, and sees the way their faces fall when he tells them what happened.

Thing is, he doesn’t know what's going on, he's never heard of anyone throwing up flowers before. But everyone he asks just turns away from the unconscious man, or starts crying, or tells him that it means Tomioka's as good as dead.

He punches the asshole in the face before he's even told he was one of the guys Tomioka went on a date with.

Kocho avoids him, and he's partially glad for it because he doesn't trust himself not to fight her.

She knew, she knew and she didn't tell anyone. She knew and she didn't heal him.

Sanemi might as well be stuck with him. He only leaves when Iguro and Kanroji come visit. And he only does so because Aoi and the kids keep dragging him away with an excuse or the other.

Tomioka has been awake and dully aware for a couple of days, and dragging him out of the room has been difficult for Aoi. He doesn't even care that Tomioka looks surprised everytime he comes back and just stays with him.

Tomioka keeps throwing up flowers, and it looks more and more painful every day.

Around day two Sanemi has taken to taking somewhat care of him. Which means that he provides a bucket, tissues and water for the man, while complaining that it should not be his job.

At the sixth day mark Tomioka calls him by his name for the first time and smiles faintly at him. His teeth had been blod stained and he'd started coughing right after, but Sanemi doesn't think he's seen as smile as beautiful as his since he was a child.

They don't talk about what's wrong with him, Sanemi doesn't know how to ask without starting a fight, and Giyuu never tries to explain.

Something only changes a couple days later.

He comes back from yet another ‘sun bath’, as Aoi calls them, and hears hushed voices in the room where Tomioka's still bed bound.

“You're still throwing up flowers?” Iguro asks. And Sanemi freezes in his spot.

“Yes, Iguro, why would I not?” Tomioka sais and he sounds so utterly exhausted.

“He's practically stuck by your side, Giyuu, don't you think that means something?” Iguro pushes, and Sanemi can picture the way Tomioka's face falls a little when he hears him sigh. “It's not like that.” Sanemi wants nothing more than to bust the door down and demand an explanation, but he can't seem to move a muscle.

“How about..?” Kanroji starts, then sniffles. “How about you let Shinobu remove it?” She says, clearly knowing the answer already.

“Yeah, that's what I've been telling him.” The Insect Hashira says.

“Mitsuri, I can't, you know that - a cough - I'd forget about all of this too, not just my feelings.” Tomioka says sympathetically.

“But you would be alive!” Mitsuri fights back and Sanemi can't keep listening. He storms into the room and beelines for Kocho, grabbing the front of her haori.

“You can heal him?!” he's screaming at her, he knows he shouldn't but he's tired, and worried, and he just wants Tomioka to be healthy again.

“It's not that simple” she says, just as Iguro grabs his hand. He pushes back with his other hand, making him stumble, Kanroji gasps at the motion and Sanemi knows he's being stupid but he can't find it in himself to care.

“Sanemi.” And isn't that something, all it took for the anger in his chest to dissipate was hearing his name fall from the Water Hashira's chapped lips. He doesn't let go of Kocho but turns his full attention to the man who's trying to get out of bed.

Iguro and Kanroji immediately step in to stop him but when he looks at them Iguro sighs and just hovers next to him.

His grip on Kocho's haori is shaky and he knows it's more the fear that Tomioka might fall than actual anger. He still doesn't let go.

Blue eyes bore into his when Tomioka's hand closes over his and pries it away from Kocho's uniform. He doesn't even try to fight it.

“Can you leave us alone for a moment?” He says, without looking away from his face. Sanemi sees Kanroji walk up to them and watches as Tomioka smiles at her.

When they leave Tomioka heaves a ragged sigh and sits back down.

“You…” the sentence dies in his throat, he doesn’t even know where to begin.

“Mh?” as always, Giyuu won't give him anything he doesn't ask for.

Sanemi's sick and tired of not knowing.

“What is going on with you, mh? How are there flowers coming out of you?” He asks, he meant for the words to be softer but there's still an edge there that reeks of anger.

Tomioka's eyes go really wide at that, and he looks at him like he's grown a second head.

“You don't know?” He shakes his head, feeling somewhat wrong footed. No one's told him anything since this whole mess started, how could he possibly know.

“It's hanahaki, it's-” Tomioka stops himself and Sanemi feels the strong impulse to shake the answers out of him.

He's silent for several moments, opening and closing his mouth as if trying to find the words.

“They call it the illness of a broken heart, it happens when someone's beloved doesn't return the affection.” Sanemi breathes his own heartbreak out through his nose and listens.

“Flowers grow in your lungs until they slowly choke you to death.”

Tears prick at the sides of his eyes as he watches carefully each breath that leaves the Water Hashira's mouth.

“But Kanroji said-”

“There's an operation, it's technically safe, but I can’t do it.” He says, and Sanemi hears the finality in his voice, he still fights it.

“Why the fuck would you not do that?” He demands, and Tomioka's face does something funny, it looks like grief.

“With the flowers they would take away the memories of the person I love, and these months would disappear too, everything would be gone.”

“And that's worse than death?” Sanemi asks, a little hysterical. “It is.”

—

Kocho tells him there's another way, two technically.

The first would be for Giyuu's feelings to change, the other would be for the person he loves to love him back, but she says that the first is almost impossible at this point.

The thing is, Sanemi would tear the world at the seams to find the man Tomioka loves and make him fall in love with him, but Tomioka won't tell him.

Kocho and Kanroji's mouths are also sealed.

The only one whe tells him anything is Iguro, so he presses the man as much as he can.

“Look, I can't just tell you.” He says, basically running away from him.

“He's going to fucking die!” He calls back, that always gets Iguro to give him something. Last time he learnt that it's someone they both know and that it is not Uzui or Rengoku.

“What would you even do with the name?” He asks, exasperated.

“I would find him and make him fall in love with Tomioka.” He says, like it's easy.

Like it wouldn't tear him apart.

“That's not how it works.” Iguro says, and Sanemi knows, rationally that he's right.

“I can't just sit back and watch him die!” He slams a hand on the wall next to him.

“Why do you care so much?! You called him pathetic less than a month ago!”

“I-” The words turn to ash on his tongue.

“You what?” Fos a moment he thinks he understands what Tomioka feels like when he chokes on petals. His throat hurts and he's not even actually screaming.

Iguro watches him expectantly, a strange glint in his eyes, like he's hunting for something. But Sanemi doesn't know what it could possibly be.

He leaves.

—

The first mission he goes on is with Rengoku.

They're still after the striped demon that almost killed him.

They're sent together because Oyakata-sama believes the demon might try to come back to finish Rengoku off.

At first they're both tense, Sanemi spent all of the prior night staring at Tomioka. Just making sure that he was still breathing. And Rengoku's probably well aware of his bad mood.

“How's Tomioka?” He asks after a while. They reached Yoshiwara pretty early on and now they're waiting for nightfall on a roof.

The question makes Sanemi feel immediately defensive for some reason.

“The fuck would I know.” He says, knowing perfectly well that, besides Kocho, he’s the only one who knows everything going on with Giyuu's healt.

“No reason to get defensive! I just know you're at the butterfly mansion a lot lately!” He says not raising to the fight.

“Mh, he's stable, hasn't really gotten worse, but also not better.”

“Poor Tomioka, I heard that dying for hanahaki hurts a lot.” Sanemi stares daggers in his direction.

“He's not dying.”

“Oh, good! Kocho will perform the surgery then?” That gives him pause. Because no she won't. Tomioka won't let her, no matter how much Kanroji begs hims.

But he also won't let Sanemi help. Refusing to tell him the name of the person he's so willing to die for.

Sanemi is at a complete loss, but he will not let Tomioka Giyuu die.

—

They kill a group of common demons that night, but there's no signs of any upper or lower moon in the district.

When they get back to the butterfly mansion Kocho doesn't even bother trying to get him to go in a different room, he goes straight for the room Tomioka has been transferred to.

Kocho doesn't trust him enough to let him leave but also doesn't want him to be stuck in the infirmary.

When he walks in Kanroji is braiding his hair, they both look somewhat relaxed. He hates the way the atmosphere breaks as soon as he walks in.

“Oh my god” Kanroji says, immediately getting up and running out of the room. She tells him to stay put when she passes him and Sanemi looks at her confused.

“You're bleeding.” Tomioka explains.

“Oh.”

When Kanroji brings bandages and water into the room Tomioka takes it from her and tells her to go, claiming she's late to meet Obanai.

Sanemi sits in silence as Tomioka patches his arm up, there's a slight frown on his face as he does so and Sanemi feels the need to press his finger in the crease between his eyebrows until it disappears. He stays put.

“You need to be more careful.” Tomioka says, soft and caring in a way he's not used to hearing him.

“I'm a Hashira.” He says, it doesn't really mean anything, but he finds that looking at Giyuu's soft features his brain lacks the ability to do many things beyond stare.

“And as such you're extremely valuable, you can't just be reckless and risk your life.” Tomioka answers.

“You are telling me that?” He asks incredulous. Tomioka flinches at that.

“It's different. You know-”

“Yeah I know about your suicidal, not good enough bullshit. And you know how I feel about that.”

And he does know.

A couple of weeks prior Iguro had just flat out asked him about his usual aloof behaviour and all the times he said he wasn't like them. And Tomioka had just turned their world upside down. He told them about his best friend who died during final selection, about his sister, and the two halves of his haori finally made sense. Every word after that had felt like a stab straight through Sanemi's gut.

He had fought Tomioka that night, trying to make him see how much better than any of them he actually was.

“It's not just that.” Tomioka says and Sanemi can't fathom what other reasons he could have to just throw his life away like that.

“Talk then.” He sounds harsher than he wants and he doesn't miss the way the other man flinches.

Before he can speak, however, Tomioka starts coughing again. Sanemi holds his shaky frame through a whole bunch of flowers.

He only leaves hours after Tomioka has fallen asleep.

—

He's training in his garden when he realises he's not alone.

“What the fuck do you want?” He says as the Snake Hashira jumps out of a tree, fucking freak.

“Why are you doing it?” the man asks, Sanemi has no clue what is going on.

“Doing what?”

“Tomioka. Why are you putting him though all of this?” Sanemi is so so so confused.

“What..?”

“You have to know, there's no way you don't. Why the fuck do you keep hanging around if you know it's going to kill him faster, huh?” Obanai asks.

Sanemi's mind is reeling. Iguro's words don't make any sense to him. He's not doing anything to Tomioka, he's just trying to help. Why would his presence hurt the other?

“All this talk of finding the guy he loves, and telling him he's great, and doting on him. Why the fuck would you pretend like that if you know he's going to fucking die?”

“Is this some sick joke? I used to hate him too, but this is sick Shinazugawa. You're an asshole. And youre going to kill him.”

At another time he would have fought Iguro, but right now his mind is spinning with every word and accusation that leave his friend's mouth. There's one explanation pushing at the back of his mind, but it makes no sense.

Everyone must know of his feelings for Tomioka, so why would they not tell him, if he was the person the Hashira's in love with?

And if he's the one, why the fuck would Tomioka still be dying?

“Is it me?” He asks, a little breathless. And all of the anger disappears from Iguro's face. He stops dead in his tracks and stupidly stares at him.

“You don't know?”

“No! I don't! Is it Me?” He repeats, grabbing Iguro's shoulders and shaking him like the answer will just tumbe out of his clothes.

“Do you love Giyuu?” Iguro asks instead.

“Yes! What the hell would I be doing otherwise?!”

“It's you.” And anything else that comes out is completely ignored as Sanemi starts sprinting towards the butterfly mansion.

He has no plan, or idea, or anything in his mind other than a simple, clear thought: he loves Tomioka, and the man loves him back.

—

When he gets there the Butterfly Mansion is in pure chaos.

Kakushi are running around and Aoi is outside with Kanao and they're holding Sumi, Naho and Kiyo back from going inside.

Panic turns his insides to mush as he approaches the little girls.

“Aoi! What's wrong?” the girl's blue eyes are filled with tears as she looks at him, “It's Tomiokasan. He started vomiting and passed out. Shinobu-san sent us out.”

Ice feels like it's being poured on his back as he runs into the house. He slams some doors and pushes some people and only stops when his eyes land on Tomioka.

He's lying on a bed, blood all over his front and his face, flower petals stuck on him. Kocho's hands are bloody as she basically pulls a branch out of the Water Hashira.

“Shinazugawa, don't stand there! Help us!” she calls out. He's shaking when he approaches the bed and even more so when he grabs the small branch coming out of Giyuu.

Once that's out, the man is covered in blood, and he carefully uses his haori to clean the man'a face. His tears land on his face as he does nothing but smear the blood more.

“Sanemi.” Kanroji calls out, and puts a hand on his shoulder. He ignores her and looks at Kocho directly.

“Take it out.” He demands, and sees the fight happening behind her eyes.

“Shinazugawa he-”

“I know it's me. I will do better this time. Just save him.” He pleads. Kocho looks dumbfounded.

“He doesn't want to-”

“Kocho for fuck's sake I love him! I will make him remember! And even if he doesn't he'd be alive! Just save him!”

The way she looks at him when she shoves him out of the way is nothing short of a miracle.

Chapter Text

When he wakes up, Giyuu has no idea what happened to him.

He's in a room with Kocho, Kanroji and Obanai all looking at him worriedly.

When she notices he's awake, Kanroji squeals in delight and jumps on him.

The movement catches him off guard and he starts coughing painfully, which seems to alert the other two in the room.

“Come on Mitsuri, we just got him back don't kill him yet.” Obanai says as he drags her off of him.

Giyuu feels like he has fallen through some of kind of different universe, because why the fuck is Obanai looking at him like that and asking how he's feeling?

“Giyuu. What do you remember?” Kocho asks, probably reading the confusion on his face. He looks at all of them and feels scarily exposed under their gazes.

“I remember waking up with a sore throat, and then I went on a mission. Did I pass out?” Kocho sighs deeply and Mitsuri's eyes turn misty with tears.

“So he doesn't remember anything of the past months?” Obanai asks, one hand holding Kanroji's and the other slowly passing through the scales of Kaburamaru.

“Don't pet him like that it hurts him when you go against the direction of the scales” Giyuu says, instinctively, and surprises himself more than he does the others.

Obanai smiles at him, his eyes give it away with the way they curve into small crescent moons.

Despite being such a new sight Giyuu feels more at ease.

“Interesting.” Kocho says, deep in thought.

“Can someone tell me what's going on?” He says, it comes out more whiny than intended and he feels himself blush as they all look at him fondly.

“It's a little bit of a long story, are you sure you're up for hearing it right now?” Kanroji asks, soft, and Giyuu suddenly realises he's really, really tired.

He's about to say just that when the door slams open. They all turn towards it and, instead of looking on high alert, Obanai looks annoyed, Kanroji looks kind of nervous and Kocho looks more entertained than anything.

“You bastards! How could you?!” A white haired man stomps into the room, his bloodshot eyes look a little crazy when he walks right up to Obanai and grabs the front of his uniform. Obanai doesn't react at all, just lets the man shake him like a ragdoll and thunder curses at him for a couple moments before the other releases him and Obanai finally speaks.

“Are you done?” He asks, deadpan.

That seems to anger the other man who lunges at him again. Obanai doesn't let himself be grabbed this time, instead he catches the other’s arm and twists, he then forces the man's chest to be pressed at the foot of his bed.

Their eyes meet and all of the fight seems to drain from the other. He goes pliant against Obanai's hold and just stares at him.

“If you're done, we were about to tell Giyuu about the last few months, since he doesn't remember shit.” Obanai says and the man's eyes go comically wide as he keeps staring at him.

He's about to say something when a yawn interrups him and Kocho clicks her tongue in response.

“Tomioka needs to rest, we'll explain everything later, you go to sleep now.” She says placing a small hand on his shoulder and pushing him into laying down again. When his head hits the pillow Giyuu feels instantly exhausted, and it's really easy to just let sleep take him.

—

When he wakes up again he finds the white haired man sitting on a chair next to his bed, his eyes are closed and his head is pushed back. He looks tired and uncomfortable.

He stares at his scarred face, the man has to be a demon slayer, but Giyuu has no idea who he is or why he's sleeping at his bedside on a tiny chair.

He scans his sharp features and he notices how even in his slumber his face is contorted in something that resembles anger.

He's handsome, that's another thing he notices, and despite the unpleasant expression on his face Giyuu feels safe knowing that while he was sleeping the man stayed next to him.

He's trying to decipher the weird feeling when he realises he's staring directly into lilac eyes.

“How are you feeling?” the man asks, voice gruff with sleep. The softness on his face is nice but it looks weirdly out of place to him.

It must be the scars, he decides.

“Giyuu?” He says again in response to his silence.

Giyuu shakes his head and tries to regain his bearings.

“I'm fine…” He starts, the sentence hungs awkwardly between them and the man seems on the verge of crying when he says “Sanemi, my name's Sanemi.”

Giyuu likes his name.

—

Kanroji tells him what happened, and apologises profusely about the surgery.

Kocho refuses to apologise and argues that it was for the best.

Obanai tells him he's happy he's alive, and that he will get used to all of them acting different in no time.

Sanemi refuses to leave his side.

He stays at the butterfly mansion for another week before Kocho tells him he can go home. He hears Obanai and Sanemi fight that evening about whether he should go with him.

Obanai says it's better to give him space, Sanemi doesn't seem to agree, but the next day, when he leaves he doesn’t argue or try to change their minds. It might be Kocho’s grip on his arm and her death stare though.

That night Kanroji brings him home and he's surprised to see how different his estate looks compared to what he remembers. Traces of his new friends are all over the once empty rooms.

If he had any doubt about his actual friendship with Obanai the snake shaped puppet laying on his bedroom floor would have convinced him instantly.

Karnoji sees him staring at the toy and giggles to herself.

“You made it for Iguro when Kaburamaru kept slithering to you everytime he sat down. He was so mad, but he's been secretly looking for it for weeks.” She says. And a deep sense of nostalgia suddenly drowns him.

He lost months of his life, moments he will never get back, moments that seem like happy memories.

“Don't worry, we'll make new, happier memories, with no flowers involved this time!” Mitsuri says, sweet and hopeful. Giyuu smiles at her.

Mitsuri sleeps over that night, she says it's because she missed their supposed sleepovers, but the way her head snaps into his direction everytime he coughs tells him everything he needs. “Kan-Mitsuri, Kocho said I would cough for a while, you don't have to worry everytime I do.” He says and she smiles at him.

“It's habit, I was so scared you would choke to death for months, it's hard not to worry.” she says and a whole new realisation hits him.

These people who now care about him, they will forever live with the memories of what he went through while he gets to hear stories that won't affect him much.

It's then that a pair of lilac eyes appear in his mind's eye. Worry clear as day everytime a cough shakes him weakened frame, and relief equally as strong when no flowers come tumbling out of his mouth

“Was it Sanemi?” He asks and Mitsuri's eyes snap open. Giyuu was half wishing she had fallen asleep. She doesn’t answer him for a long time but he knows the answer lies in the way she looks at him and chews on her lower lip.

“Talk to him, please.” Her lower lip wobbles and Giyuu instinctively reaches out to pet her hair. He smiles at her and when she smiles back the warmth that spreads through his chest is both new and familiar.

He's going to be okay.

—

Sanemi looks like he's seen Muzan himself when he asks him. His eyes go really wide, he looks crazed but it’s just an habit he's learnt to recognise as any strong emotion the other feels.

“I-” he stops and rakes his hand through his rowdy white hair, making even more of a mess.

Giyuu stands there, heart beating in his ears rather than his chest. He knows the answer already, but there's a gravity in the situation even his missing memory can feel.

“Fuck!” the other hisses and turns away from him.

Giyuu is about to ask him again when Sanemi turns around and nods. He avoids his eyes when he does.

He feels tears sting his eyes and doesn't even know why. Even if Sanemi doesn't love him, it shouldn't matter. He has no memories of him, no feelings for him, he's just a guy.

Sanemi stares at him, and Giyuu feels his eyes like a heavy weight on him.

“Giyuu I'm sorry,” he starts.

“It's okay, it's not your fault, you didn't have to love me just because of the hanahaki, you don't have to apologise.” He says, he planned for the words to sound convincing and soft, like when Mitsuri tells him that he's gaining his strength back quickly. But they sound hollow and uncertain like when Obanai makes a joke and Giyuu fails to recognise his tone as friendly.

“What the fuck?!” Sanemi’s voice shakes, he sounds almost hysterical, as his expression gets even more exagerated.

“You think I don't love you?” Sanemi asks, his resolve renewed, and Giyuu nods, feeling incredibly wrong footed.

“The hanahaki-”

“That's because nobody told me! You all let me lose my mind watching you die and didn't tell me it was me!” Sanemi's screaming at him but Giyuu feels like it's deserved.

“Do you know what it felt like seeing the man I love throw up flowers covered in blood and be able to do fuck all except watch?!”

“I kept pressing you and Iguro, I asked so many times who it was but you never said anything.

You almost died before that bastard decided to tell me!”

“I could have stopped that! And nobody told me!”

Giyuu feels like the ground has opened beneath him. He doesn't know what to say, where to start, so he does the only thing that feels appropriate at the moment.

He slaps Sanemi in the face.

That gives the man pause, he grabs his cheek and stares at him incredulously. Giyuu's as shocked as the other looks. Tears collect at the corners of Sanemi’s eyes as his expression closes off in anger. He’s about to apologise when Sanemi grabs the front of his uniform and kisses him square on the mouth.

Instinctively Giyuu’s hands shoot up to grab at his shoulders but he doesn’t even get to push him away that Sanemi’s already jumped away from him, eyes wide with panic.

“I’m sorry I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me! It’s just-” he breathes eavily, hands grabbing strands of his hair.

“You’re alive, and awake, and; and you’re looking at me in a way you’ve never done before the flowers. I’m sorry.” He speaks so fast Giyuu almost misses all of it.

Sanemi stares back at him, biting his lower lip until he draws blood. And Giyuu is still reeling from his outburst.

They stand like that for a stupid amount of time when Sanemi sighs and apologises again, then he makes to turn and walk away and Giyuu really doesn’t want him to go.

“Wait!” he lunges for the other’s arm and, in his haste to catch him, trips and falls face first into the ground.

“You dumbass.” Sanemi scoffs as he helps him up, his tone is scornful but his grip is soft and he’s rather delicate as he brushes the dirt off of his haori. When he looks at him Sanemi’s face falls again as he heaves a heavy breath. He then digs into his pocket and takes out a tissue. Giyuu makes to grab it but Sanemi slaps away his hand and starts wiping at his face.

Giyuu stares at his face as he methodically wipes him clean, and is surprised when he realises he's cleaning blood away. When he looks back up at him Sanemi’s lilac eyes are already staring into his with a tight expression.

“I’ve seen so much blood on your face and it never stops being terrifying.” He says.

“We’re demon slayers, you’ve seen worse.” Giyuu jokes, trying to cut through the tension.

Sanemi doesn’t seem to appreciate the joke.

“Very few things have scared me as much as seeing flowers come out of your mouth.” even without his memories of Sanemi, the words ring a little dramatic to his ears.

—

“I can’t believe Shinazugawa actually changed.” says Uzui when he goes to visit him. Suma and Hinatsuru are braiding his hair and Makio is fighting Sanemi over something he hasn’t really paid attention to.

“What?”

“After your operation he fought anybody who breathed in his direction, the weeks you were unconscious were the worst three weeks of anyone’s life.” Rengoku starts.

“Obanai was so fed up one day they got into a physical fight, they said some really mean things, Obanai even blamed him for your condition.” Uzui elbows the Fire Hashira in the side making him yelp.

“I know it was him, Uzui, it’s okay.”

“Anyways, Shinazugawa was so mad, and then said that he would change, that he would make it better. I can’t believe he actually did it.” Somehow Giyuu can.

—

Losing only specific memories is weird, Giyuu remembers Iguro likes anything with mango in it but has no idea why he knows. He knows how to braid Mitsuri’s hair but can’t remeber the day he learnt to.

He has freinds who love him but very few reasons why.

He asks them once or twice, why they care about him.

Shinobu says she only cares because she’s his doctor, but she’s always the first next to him when he stumbles or coughs, and her eyes get always a little misty when she talks of his hanahaki.

Iguro looks at him in a way that is far too soft for what he’s used to and when he asks him about it the Serpent Hashira tells him that he had to know him to understand his own mistakes.

Mitsuri tells him Iguro’s just embarassed she was right about him. She also looks at him like he's something worth of love and attention, and he never asks her why; he can't handle all that affection.

Sanemi talks a lot, which Iguro says it’s not like him at all, and about all sorts of stuff.

He tells Giyuu about their first meeting, about blue and lilac, about their first fight, about seeing a guy full of ghosts and hating how it reminds him of himself, about every single one of their fights, and the way each of those did nothing but make his anger stronger, his hunger too.

Sanemi guides him in his recovery, and listens to all of Kanroji’s stories with him, he never speaks when Mitsuri recalls the things they lived in the moments he's lost.

—

Giyuu's strength is slow to come, he trains with Uzui and Iguro the most, Himejima joins sometimes, but he's usually to scared to hurt him to actually put in his best effort.

The one time he trained with Sanemi the Wind Hashira started shaking halfway through it, losing the grip on his sword and almost getting hit by an attack he should have avoided with ease.

Shinobu forbid them from ever training together until Giyuu had gotten better.

—

The nightmares start again after a couple of weeks, he sees his sister again in a dream and for a second feels at peace, but then her face contorts with anger and accusations far too familiar, far too real.

As he runs away, his dream carries him through a forest he knows by heart; and when he sees Sabito standing still amidst the threes he wishes he could just wake up.

The peach eyes he once loved stare at him with a cold kind of anger, like he's dirt that dared to touch something holy, Giyuu feels the shame burn in his lungs, a pain so familiar he wonders if petals might come out of his mouth.

Sabito sneers at him, his face contorts into the worst thing he's ever seen as blood drips down his face from the crown of his hair.

Giyuu doesn't know if he's crying or drowning, the water around him is cold and unforgiving and he can still see Sabito staring at him.

He closes his eyes, lets the water into his lungs and feels the burn like absolution.

Hands drag him out of the water and when he opens his eyes Sanemi is crouching over him, his face open and worried and the moon casts a ghostly sheen on it, Sanemi smiles.

“You're okay, it was just a dream.” the way he says it is almost convincing, almost real, but his sister's face still hunts him and Sabito's blood is still staining his hands, he just shakes his head.

“You were just a child, they chose to protect you.” Sanemi says, like he knows what haunts him in his sleep, like he sees the ghosts circling him, and Giyuu's breath falters as he stares into his eyes. This impossible thing happens when Sanemi stares back, the guilt seems to give way, for just a second Giyuu feels calmer, steadier, he almost believes him.

—

Iguro visits a lot, and he's unsettling kind to him. Him and his Snake.

Kaburamaru does seem to like him a lot, and he slithers to him everytime he's close to the Serpemt Hashira, wrapping itself around his arm or neck.

The first time he did, Giyuu stared at Iguro with wide, terrified eyes, while praying that the Snake wouldn't choke him to death.

Iguro had laughed, unrestrained, and had pat Giyuu's shoulder like he'd made a joke. He hadn't.

Now he feels quite smug everytime the white snake leaves his owner to circle his limbs, his weight comforting.

Iguro tries to make him remember stuff more than Mitsuri or Shinobu.

It's not always stories, sometimes he asks stuff about himself and stares at Giyuu until he gives any answer. He also always hugs him when he gets it right.

“You brought me a peach during a meeting once, it was weirdly sweet.” Giyuu tilts his head.

“Why would I bring you a peach? You like mango.” Iguro seems to tremble with excitement as he nods repeatedly, his eyes curling into the half moons Giyuu associates with his smile.

“I do, you said you couldn't find it.”

“And you ate it?”

“Oh no, I'm allergic to peaches.”

—

Sometimes Iguro comes over when Sanemi is not around, and they talk about things that sting sometimes.

“Do you remember loving him?” The question is genuine, and very valid; it still breaks his heart to shake his head.

“I don't remember anything about him, not like you or Shinobu, there's just darkness where he's supposed to be.” Iguro hums, looking in the distance.

“I think I can remember.” He starts after a while, and Iguro hums to show that he's listening.

“I don't think there's a chance I don't fall for him this time around too.”

Iguro huffs an amused little thing. “You were willing to die to keep your love for him, I'm sure you'll find it again.”

He gets up then, holding out a hand; “Come on, I want to train a bit before the mother hen comes back and screams at me for tiring you out.” Giyuu takes his hand with a smile.

—

Days are slow and nights are endless, he knows the other slayers are out there fighting while he hides in his house, waiting for the day Oyakata-sama gives him a mission again.

He knows he's not the real Water Hashira, but he needs to do something other that train endlessly and wait, so he goes out.

He waits for Sanemi to be on a mission, and walks silently down the slope of the mountain his house rests on, sword at the ready.

The night is silent and the moon is bright and something in his gut makes him turn around just as a figure jumps out of the three lines.

Sanemi stands in front of him with wide eyes and ragged breath, his body tenses as he stares at him. Anger fills his face, striding forward and gripping Giyuu like he's about to run away.

“What the fuck - a ragged breath- are you doing out there?!” Sanemi's tone is harsher than he's used to hearing it, and his grip on his arm feels bruising. Giyuu doesn't have an answer. Sanemi face falls a bit when Giyuu just stares back.

“Come on, let's get back.”

Sanemi walks with his hand still gripping his arm, but Giyuu feels like it's fair, somehow.

“I can't stay holed up at home while the rest of you fight, I should be out there, making use of myself.” He says in the silence, staring at Sanemi's hair.

When Sanemi turns around his face is burning with anger but his eyes carry something far more raw, something Giyuu can't quite name yet.

“What you need is rest, you'd die if you went out there like this.” Sanemi's voice still carries the same edge, but this time it's more controlled, like he's used to this conversation and knows where it will go.

“I'm sorry.” Giyuu says, instinctively, he doesn’t even really know what he's apologising for, he just knows he'd do anything for Sanemi to stop being angry at him. Sanemi's face falls as he steps forward, closer that he's ever been.

“Stop apologising for being alive, Giyuu.”

The breath falters in his chest, and Giyuu feels guilt build up his throat, like a vice closing his airways, he shakes his head.

“I'm sorry for making you worry about me, you have more important things to worry about.”

Sanemi snaps forward, grabbing his haori with wild, wide eyes.

“Don't you fucking dare.” He warns, voice low and cutting.

“I-”

“You think I don't have free will? You think I stay out of pity? That's what's going on in your stupid head?” Giyuu almost nods, almost.

Sanemi releases him in silence, still not stepping away.

“I stay because I want to, so stop fucking feeling sorry for yourself.” He talks like it's an accusation, like if he spits enough venom Giyuu won't hear the care underlying his every word.

In the silent treck up his house Giyuu wonders when he learnt to read the other man like an open book.

Chapter Text

Giyuu looks at him like he put the sun in the sky, that's what Suma Uzui tells him when they come visit. The words cut through the soft flesh of his underbelly, steal the breath out of his lungs and it's all he can do to stay carefully still, clenching his jaw enough to hear a pop in it, Suma smiles.

“Didn't you say that you'd make him remember?” She makes it sound so easy.

“You should want this so much more than you do.” Makio says, blunt as always, and Sanemy glares at her.

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?!”

“He almost died because he loved you, you should want him to be with you so much more.” She says again, voice unwavering. Suma nods like it's an undeniable truth, Hinatsuru smiles at him with something that reminds him of pity.

“He doesn't even remember meeting me.” He says, voice clipped and eyes focused on the man still training with Uzui, his hands shake where he grips his katana, but the fire in his eyes makes up for the strength he's still regaining.

When Sanemi stalks away from the Water Hashira's house he misses the way deep blue eyes linger on his retreating frame.

—

He stares at his brother and wishes he was better at this.

When he hits Genya he feels every punch like a stab through his gut, but he can't stop, won't, until his brother stops trying to be a slayer.

His mind screams at him, that's his baby brother, and he's hurting him, he feels nauseous. He doesn't stop, he wants him safe, away from this life, he wants him on the other side of the world, where demons can't take him away from him.

Giyuu sits in silence with him when he gets back, he stares at the threes like he understands, Sanemi shakes and Giyuu just puts a hand over his shoulder blades, the tears come silently and neither of them mentions them.

—

When he speaks of his mother Giyuu listens carefully, and his eyes fill with tears Sanemi loathes to see.

The memories are rotting inside of him and his voice is harsh, bitter, angry. He feels everything like it just happened, like if he turns around he'll see his brother's accusation and blood. Giyuu reaches out slowly, he sees it coming, and grabs his hand with a quiet strength. His insides churn as he looks at their hands.

“You did good.” The sentence is easy, quiet, and somehow Sanemi feels it like a storm inside his chest. He doesn't believe it, not until lilac meets blue and the fire in them steals the words from his mouth. They sit in silence, Sanemi lets it swallow him whole.

—

Every mission he goes on is like a test to his nerves. He never thought he'd ever hate to go out to rid the world of another demon, but as he stands there with the demon decomposing in front of him, he just wishes he was already back.

It's not like his priorities changed, it's just that everytime he leaves there's a part of him that feels like he'll come back to find flowers and blood.

It's not rational, he's aware, Tomioka's fine, and he knows how Sanemi feels, but that little voice in his head can't seem to shake the image of flowers ripping trough his throat. He wonders if Giyuu dreams of it, if there's a part of him that remembers the pain, like and old wound you forget about until it rains.

—

His feelings stay unchanged, for the most part, they run deep and make him feel vulnerable in a way that makes his skin feel too hot.

He stares as Giyuu grimaces, Kocho's small hands prodding and pushing at his chest, she looks focused, worried, like she expects the flowers to be back.

“Your hands are too cold.” Giyuu says, matter of fact, and Kocho huffs, she almost looks amused when she gets up and dusts off her haori.

“You're fine, but you need to eat more.” she says, and Sanemi feels a pang of guilt; should he be making sure Giyuu eats more? Is he already failing at taking care of him? Kocho looks at him like she hears his doubts and giggles.

“I'll see you in a week.” She's gone before he can ask her anything, and he feels himself move before he knows where he's going.

He stands in front of Giyuu, his eyes raking over his chest and the scars that litter it, he glares at the scar from the surgery; the red, raw, skin that runs down his sternum is offending. Giyuu doesn't shrink away from his stare, he just dabs at the scar with a wince before he starts dressing it. Sanemi slaps his hands away and grabs the bandages himself.

Giyuu's face scrunches when he starts, but he's quick to even his features, staying still, his eyes never leaving Sanemi's face.

“I can do it myself.” He says, horribly soft, in the space between their faces.

“I know.”

There's a hum coming from him then, one that Sanemi knows is guilt, and fear, and something else entirely, something he's scared to name.

His feelings haven't changed, but he has, he feels his walls crumble everytime he speaks, the rubble coming down with every smile Giyuu graces him with.

He has been trying to be better, he apologised to Genya, and held his brother for the first time in years. They're still broken, still fighting, but some cracks in his soul have been patched together as he held the only family he has left.

“Your eyes are really pretty.” Giyuu says, and that's new. Sanemi falters, his hands shake over the bandages, and he slowly looks up, staring back into the deep blue that has haunted his nightmares.

“Sorry, that was inappropriate.” Sanemi leans forward and kisses him, Giyuu makes a noise in the back of his throat before he starts kissing back.

It's soft, softer than Sanemi though he was able to be, and his hand fits perfectly over Giyuu's ribs. Giyuu grabs his haori when he tilts his head, pulling him impossibly closer, his mouth opening pliantly when Sanemi puts the tiniest amount of pressure.

His mouth tastes of sea water, somehow, and Sanemi can't seem to get enough. He's stood up at some point and has found Giyuu's face, he holds it in his hands like he's scared he will disappear.

But Giyuu doesn't seem to mind.

“Is this okay?” He presses his forehead to his when Giyuu moves back, the question almost shy, the Water Hashira smiles softly.

“Yeah,” He sighs, “it's okay.” Something loosens inside of Sanemi's chest.

—

Kanroji's yelp can be heard all the way to the garden, and Obanai's eyes widen comically when he puts the pieces together. He looks happy as he nods at him, it feels weirdly elating to see the approval on his face.

She's is still hugging Giyuu when they walk in, but the smile plastered on her face doesn't even compare to the soft twist of Giyuu's lips.

“I knew it! You were far too happy lately!” she says, pointing a finger at Sanemi, who scowls at her out of habit.

Obanai huffs when he helps Giyuu out of Kanroji’s hold, and pats his back like it's all they need, it seems to be enough when Giyuu smiles at him.

—

The thing between them is still too soft to have a name. But Sanemi is enjoying it so so much.

When Kamado comes to visit he doesn't even try to fight the kid, just hangs back as the boy pesters Giyuu with questions. Giyuu doesn't seem too bothered, he answers as many questions as the kid has and pats his head when his eyes fill with tears.

“You can't die Giyuu-sama!” the kid jumps up, hands shaking at his sides, and maybe Sanemi doesn't hate him as much as he thought he did.

Giyuu just sighs and pats his arm.

“I'm fine now Tanjiro, calm down.” The kid sits back down immediately, his eyes scanning the Hashira's face like he can find the answer in the crease of his mouth.

Sanemi huffs, leaning back on his hands and glancing at the small girl curled at his side. His skin prickles when he thinks too hard about what she is, but right now she looks harmless, and reminds him of his little siblings enough that he doesn't really mind.

When they leave Giyuu smiles to himself, hums a tune he's never heard before and something loosens inside his gut.

“What's that?” He asks, just so Giyuu will look at him with his soft eyes and softer smile.

“A lullaby Tsutako used to sing for me, I forgot the words thought.” Giyuu says, as he goes to stand in front of him, his face betraying the misplaced guilt he feels.

Sanemi reaches for his jaw, brushing his thumb over his cheek with a smile of his own. “You could make your own up.” Giyuu leans into his touch when he nods, eyes closed.

Sanemi draws him in slowly, giving him the time to stop, but Giyuu closes the distance between them himself, his mouth pressing over his and his tongue immediately seeking entrance.

And really, who is Sanemi to deny him? Especially when he gets to hear his sigh as he kisses him back.

Maybe Rengoku was right, love really is making him softer.

—

The first mission Giyuu goes on is nerve-racking for him. He watches helplessly as he runs off with Tokito, rooted in place as Oyakata-sama gives him a mission too.

He finds the demon and kills it quickly, it's an easy task, and runs back to the Butterfly mansion long before sunrise.

Kocho smiles knowingly.

“They're not here yet.” She says even, her eyes never straying from the vials of poison in her hands. Sanemi bristles.

He tries to sleep that night, but the Wind Estate is colder than usual and there's a bad feeling prickling the skin behind his neck, so he goes out. He runs until he sees the city lights illuminate the trees.

He sees them in the distance, recognises his brother, then sees Tokito draped over his shoulders.

Giyuu is not with them.

He runs to him, and grabs the Hashira from his brother.

“What happened?! Where's Tomioka?” He asks frantically, checking Tokito for injuries. There's a big gash on his side, but the blood seems to have stopped, it's his breathing that's weirdly uneven.

“Genya!” He says again, grabbing his brother's face, forcing him to meet his gaze. Genya shakes in his hold.

“It's upper two, he's too strong.” The breath leaves Sanemi like the words punched him in the chest.

“Can you take him to Kocho?” He asks, still holding Tokito closely, Genya nods eyes focus back on him.

“Brother you can't go, he's going to kill you!” He says even as he grabs Tokito back.

Sanemi reaches for his head, softer than the situation allows.

“I'll be back.”

And he runs where his crow takes him.

The street is basically in ruins and Tomioka stands among the ruins like a statue, sword drawn.

There's blood on his haori and on his face but he doesn't seem to notice.

The demon notices him first, smiling up at him.

“Good, more people to play with!”

Giyuu doesn't turn, doesn't even falter, just stays there, hands shaking and Sanemi is next to him in the next breath.

“You okay?” He asks while the demon circles them, sick satisfaction on his face. Tomioka's back is pressed to his as he hums.

When the demon lunges forward Sanemi is ready, he's not going to let it knock him out like last time. Giyuu is also ready, moving at a speed Sanemi has rarely seen before.

The demon fights like he's dancing, his movements quick and graceful as is , Giyuu breathes harshly somewhere on his right and the demon smiles.

“I know that Haori! Akaza mentioned you were dying! It's good that you survived, you're a really fun opponent!” The demon speaks like he means it and somehow that's worse.

He feels his muscles scream as the fight goes on the rest of the night; he gets one too many hits when he stands in front of Tomioka. He's on the ground groaning, his ribs are probably broken, again, but he gets up again, he can't let the monster get his hands on Giyuu. Sunlight is almost here, they just need to hold out until then.

Giyuu’s sword is bent weirdly, but he pays it no mind, standing resolutely in front of him, the demon growls at them, frustrated.

“Why won't you stay down, you're bleeding!” Giyuu growls as he charges again, and Sanemi feels his breath catch at the smile he sees on the demon's face. He's about to scream when a loud pop rings from somewhere behind him, the noise horribly loud.

The demon moves quickly, avoiding whatever it is that's coming his way, and leaving Giyuu to fall to the floor.

Sanemi stands there dumbfounded when his brother runs past him, with a gun drawn, of all things.

Genya shoots at the demon repeatedly, detaching limbs with ease, but it's the sun that saves them.

Upper two is gone before sunlight even reaches the street.

Sanemi stares as his brother runs to Giyuu, helping him sit up and dusting off his haori. His hands shake as he walks closer, the blood on Giyuu freezing his in his veins.

Giyuu nods, and moves to stand up, but a sharp hiss breaks his stride, Sanemi and Genya both reach for him at the same time.

“It's okay, we got you.” Sanemi says, his hand instinctively running up and down his back, like the issue is still soft petals stuck in his throat, Giyuu smiles at him before he loses consciousness, and Sanemi has never run as fast as he does now.

Kocho is mad at Giyuu for weeks, berating him everytime she checks on his wounds, Sanemi grimaces at the soft words that leave her mouth, Giyuu holds her gaze and apologises each time.

—

He feels like shit.

And he's avoiding him, literally running out of rooms everytime Giyuu walks in.

And it's stupid, and pointless, and he sees how much Giyuu is hurt everytime he hastily leaves a room or makes up an excuse to be as far away from him as possible.

Iguro notices first, and huffs when Sanemi drags him away from the other Hashira after a meeting.

“I thought you were together?” His tone gives him pause, he's worried, that much is clear, and Sanemi deflates entirely.

“I don't know, we never really gave it a name…” Iguro scoffs, almost amused.

“Coward.”

Sanemi wants to follow him and curse him out, but the word seems to have lodged him in place, his mind spins because he knows.

He's aware he's being a coward, that he's doing exactly what he used to do minus the anger. But he can't seem to face Giyuu.

He feels entirely too guilty for everything that happened, from the flowers to the fight with Upper two.

Every step he makes seems to be the wrong one, and he has no idea how to fix himself.

—

The answer, unfortunately, comes in the shape of one Kamado Tanjiro.

The kid is at the butterfly mansion, healing from something Sanemi doesn't care to hear about, when he approaches him. Sanemi has been hiding out from Tomioka.

“Shinazugawa-san?” his voice grates on his nerves immediately, but when he turns around the look on his face gives him pause, the usual openess and gentleness he's used to has been replaced with something more guarded, something that reminds him of Giyuu.

“Is everything okay with Giyuu-sama? He seems…” Sanemi makes a noise to show he's waiting and Tanjiro shakes his head, “gloomy? gloomier?” He hesitates, and Sanemi feels a sharp, familiar pain between his ribs.

“How so?” He asks in a grunt, trying to stay neutral.

“He seemed happier after his operation, but lately, after he met Upper two, something seems to be bothering him again, did something happen? Genya said he can't think of anything.” Sanemi grunts, trying to ignore him.

“It there's an issue between you two the best thing is to honest! Honesty goes a long way in a relationship!”

Sanemi pulls his ear all the way back to bed and tells him to stay out of his and Tomioka's business.

Then he runs to the Water Estate, because shit, even Kamado realised something was wrong.

Giyuu is sitting in the middle of his garden when he gets there, and he doesn't even seem to notice him as he meditates. Sanemi knows better though, his hands twitched as he approached, and his breathing has gotten quieter, Giyuu knows he's here.

“Tomioka.” His voice wavers in a way that is starting to be far too familiar, and Giyuu slowly opens his eyes to meet his.

“Sanemi.”

Sanemi sits down in front of him, his insides trembling under his careful gaze, then Giyuu smiles.

“Are you done ignoring me?” He asks amused, and softer that he has any right to be. Sanemi bristles.

“I'm not avoiding you.” He tries and Giyuu tilts his head at him.

“I know you are, I'd like to know why.”

The words hit him like a punch and something seems to shatter inside of him because he's suddenly shaking and his eyes are misty and he hates it.

“I promised I'd do better, and I keep fucking up.” He admits through gritted teeth, and watches the way Giyuu's face scrunches is confusion.

“What are you talking about?”

Sanemi growls passing a hand through his hair.

“When Kocho took the flowers out, I promised I'd do better. But I can’t, everytime I try I fuck up.”

Giyuu gets up with an unnerving calm, walking until his breath crashes on Sanemi's face.

“You've been nothing short of great, Sanemi.” He wants to scream at him, ask him how he can forgive him for the years of abuse he hurled at him, how he can be okay with keeping him around when his feelings were about to kill him, but Giyuu is faster, steadier, as he grabs his face and pulls him in.

The kiss is immediately heated, Sanemi lets all of his anguish melt away as Giyuu pulls him closer, one of his hands running through his hair. The sound he makes when Giyuu bites his lower lip should feel far more embarassing, but he doesn't care. Not as long as Giyuu's mouth is on him.

He kisses with all the desperation he feels, his hands gripping the fabric of his Haori with enough strength that he fears he might have ripped it.

Giyuu doesn't back down, not even when Sanemi grabs his waist and pulls him closer still, their chests touching. Not even when Sanemi tilts his head, his tongue exploring the insides of his mouth with an hunger he feels in his bones.

He forgets what he was feeling when Giyuu sighs into his mouth, the sound like honey in his ears.

When they part they don't get far, Sanemi's hands are still to his waist and he nuzzles his nose into Giyuu’s. Thinking idly that he'd have to kill anyone who witnessed this softness.

Giyuu smiles at him, all soft and happy, and something melts in Sanemi's heart.

“You're not fucking up.” The other says, his voice thick with what Sanemi knows is close to being love.

Sanemi hums, leaving a small peck on his reddened lips.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” He tries to downplay the emotions swirling inside of him, but Giyuu smile widens, his eyes sparkling, and oh how he loves him.

The words tumble out of him like flowers.