Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

chapter 1: moving in.

Saturday, July 5th

You've always been an overpacker, and it has never bitten you so hard in the ass until today. After a long day of traveling from your hometown Shiganshina, the last thing you wanted was to lug your 8 suitcases up to your new place in midtown Marley.

Your mother scoffs as she watches you pull all your dusty luggages out of the UberXL you were forced to order simply because you wanted to save money and avoid buying as much as possible, especially before you started your new job.

"I told you that you should've brought less stuff from home. It was a waste of money and now it's a waste of energy. You could've brought less and bought any essentials–"

With a heavy sigh releasing from the depths of your lungs in an attempt to drone out your mother's scolding, you grabbed the keys to your new apartment out of your purse and exhaustedly shove it into the rusty doorhandle of the apartment complex.

It's a bit more rustic compared to the other units you scoured online, but it was the only place you could find within your budget so you had no choice but to bite your bullet and secure your place. The main sellers though were the fact that the unit was on the second floor of a 5-story walk-up building, and it has washers and dryers on the top floor for tenants to use– meaning you could save money by not paying for a wash-and-fold service at a laundromat.

One by one, you haul your suitcases up the flight of stairs and set them in front of the door to your unit.

Apartment 215.

Fumbling around with the keys dangling on your pink carabiner as they get caught between a myriad of keychains that your mother swears are nothing but useless and extra weight to lug around, you open the door and haphazardly shove all your things inside.

The soft jingle of your keychains comforts you, the metal and plastics clicking together. Acrylic keychains of your favorite animes, your wireless earbuds in a clear silicone case, the keys to your apartment, and a little Hello Kitty wallet so you have easy access to your cards and ID all strung together on a small pink heart-shaped carabiner.

All momentos representing you. You may be in a new city, but your roots will always remain with you.

Breathing in nothing but layers of dust and grime that remained from the previous tenants, you make your way through the narrow hallway– passing by the empty bedroom left of the front door, a bathroom that looks like it can barely fit one person inside, and a small kitchen with a circular dining table that so desperately yearned for a few disinfecting wipes.

You gaze up at the rusty "1" plaque seemingly hot glued to the door, and slowly enter the bedroom. A barren full-sized bed lays against the wall next to the door. On the far left side of the wall is a small mantle with a few pieces of decor. On its right is a small wardrobe with a narrow mirror on one of the doors, covered in dust blurring your disheveled and exhausted reflection.

A small TV hangs on the wall across the bed sandwiched between two windows. Even though you knew this room would be more expensive than the other room in the unit, you knew you had to splurge and get the bigger room with windows because without natural light, you would be nothing but a zombie. A small desk with a modern black lamp is positioned next to one of the windows right in front of the door, covered in dust and marks from whoever lived here before you.

You pull up the floor plan of the unit on your phone to make sure there aren't any pieces of furniture missing in the room before you end up getting charged for something that wasn't even your doing.

You pull up the floor plan of the unit on your phone to make sure there aren't any pieces of furniture missing in the room before you end up getting charged for something that wasn't even your doing

All you want is to unwind and relax after a ruthless day of moving, but your mom's voice bounces from the bathroom, disturbing the silence.

"This place is filthy! The leasing company said there would be a cleaning service and the unit would be cleaned up before moving in. Come here and look at the bathroom. We need to go to the store and buy some cleaning supplies. I'm not letting you live in a pig sty like you did back home. You better be responsible for once and maintain the place once I leave. Hopefully the girl that moves into the other room knocks some sense into your thick skull and teaches you how to be an adult because I clearly failed."

Releasing a deep sigh from the core of your chest, you sit up from the chair by your desk and make your way to the bathroom to see what monstrosities lie ahead that riled up your mother. Opening the door further, you see the dire state the bathroom is actually in, and for once your mother's incessant nagging is actually warranted.

The entire unit was a mess, but the bathroom was a disaster.

There were stains in and around the toilet, and it barely flushed. The shower was coated in layers of hard water build up and miscellaneous stains that you don't want to know the origin of for the sake of your mental health. There were massive clumps of dark black hair scattered all around the tub and even on the walls. The sink had red rings circling around the drain, and the watering flowing out of the faucet was tinted brown.

Holding back the acid in your throat building up from the sheer mess surrounding you, you step out of the bathroom and look up the nearest Target and make a list of things to buy for the apartment. Disinfectant wipes, bleach, gloves, broom, feather duster, garbage bags, and of course food as you hear your stomach rumble softly under your heather gray "Black Stones" Nana t-shirt.

Your mother steps out of the bathroom, screaming on the phone at what you can only assume is a poor leasing agent who doesn't get paid enough to face the wrath of your mother's rage. She drolls on about how the unit is a mess, how the cleaning people never came, and how she expects these inconveniences to be deducted from your next rent payment.

Even though you hate your mother's tone, she sure as hell knows how to handle shit. A trait you've been jealous of since you were a kid.

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˖ ݁♬⋆.˚𝄞.

{ now playing: Jacob and the Stone – Emile Mosseri }

As your mother drones on in the background, negotiating your rent due to the filth you had the misfortune of walking into, you open up one of your suitcases and start making the bed. You yank your soft pink fitted sheet over the corners of the bed, shove the pillows into your pink satin pillowcases, and throw your white comforter covered in various flowers on top of the bed.

Your mother urged you to leave the bedding back in Shiganshina, but you fought back saying that you didn't want to buy new sheets when you had perfectly good ones at home. In reality, your soft sheets and the pillowcases hold more weight than that.

You reminisce on your upbringing. From a young age, your mind had been plagued with nothing but thoughts of inferiority and despair. You grew up fortunate enough to not worry heavily about finances or security, but the real villain has always been your own mother.

Ever since you became sentient, your mother pushed you to "fulfill your potential" but you always seemed to fall short, especially compared to your elder sister Petra. She excelled in everything you could've ever wanted– a star athlete on the varsity tennis team, a stellar student in every subject she touched, and a social butterfly who could befriend anyone and everyone all within one conversation. She went on to go to the Medical Institution of Trost, one of the most elite universities in the entire region of Paradis.

On the other hand, your grades had always suffered, you had about 3 friends on a good day, and sports were the bane of your existence, leaning more into the artsy hobbies like crocheting, knitting, sewing, and drawing. Your mother always told you that arts and crafts "were for children, not intellectuals who cared about their futures."

Whatever the hell that means– you knew better than to argue with her.

Whenever your mom had friends over, she would gleam with pride when she spoke about Petra– bragging about the trophies she'd bring home from tennis tournaments and straight A+ report cards she would always stick to the fridge.

Whenever someone asked about you though, your mother's face always soured. With a tinge of disdain, even when you were standing right next to her, she would simply gloss over the conversation and move to another topic. Nothing you ever did was good enough for her, and the guilt and shame only fueled your desire to appease her, which was damn near impossible.

You had numerous tutors since you were young, your mother only paying for their services because they didn't want to have such a failure of a daughter to sink their social standing. You took private tennis lessons, and Petra even helped run drills with you when she wasn't busy. All throughout your academic career, you continued to push yourself to be the best. You loved your sister, but you couldn't help the resentment building in your heart from your mother's whims.

As you were going through the motions of high school, you were finally starting to blossom and excel until the world came crashing down.

Petra went to volunteer as a medical assistant in Paradis Island, and she never returned.

She was sent out on a volunteer trip to tend to the injured following a major flood in Stohess, but the helicopter carrying her and the team crashed before she even had a chance to help. The damages from the flooding were so severe that there was nowhere safe to land, combined with faulty gears in their helicopter which only led to more mayhem and destruction at the site. The deaths were so gruesome that your family couldn't even have a proper burial. It destroyed you. The entire community was distraught at the loss of such a beloved soul.

With Petra gone, you were the shadow forced to step up to fill the shoes you knew you never could. The pressure imparted onto you from your mother only grew tenfold, her cruel words branding into your skin constantly reminding you that after all–

You are nothing.

You barely even had time to grieve. Your mother's mood swings worsened, and she refused to take her medications because "nothing was wrong with her." You had to do everything you could to become not just better, but the best.

To finally earn your mother's love and approval.

To make Petra proud of the woman you grew up to be.

To prove that you deserved to be alive.

Throughout the chaos of your life, your only safe space was your bed. A beacon of comfort where you would crochet small trinkets in secret for your friends and draw whatever concepts distracted you from the realities of life. Where you would stay up late watching cartoons to immerse yourself in fictional worlds away from the cruelty waiting for you the next day.

Bringing your bedding wasn't just a choice to save money– it was to protect the only sliver of safety you ever felt in the chaos of your existence.

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You came back down to reality after hearing the faint tone of your mom hanging up the call and stomping towards your room. Instinctively, you rose from the edge of the bed and shifted towards your other suitcases, pretending you were sorting through your things and organizing them around the area of your room.

"Get up y/n, we need to go to the store and get supplies to clean this shitty apartment before that girl moves in. I don't want her believing that we are slobs as her first impression of us."

Us. Us. Us. Even though she went all this way to "help" you get settled in, it was never about your safety or comfort. It was always about appearances. To make sure you don't embarrass the family more than you already have.

You got up and quickly changed into a pair of denim shorts and a white cropped t-shirt, swiftly avoiding your mother's gaze before she could comment on your body. Clipping your pink heart carabiner onto the belt loop of your shorts, you scurry out of the door before she complains that you're taking too long.

The door to the building creaks as it slams shut behind you. You pop your earbuds in and look around at the environment of your new home.

˖ ݁♬⋆.˚𝄞.

{ now playing: Part of the Dream - Vansire }

The sun beams through the various skyscrapers down the street. Right underneath your apartment is a small Japanese grocery store named Wall Maria Market, the scent of freshly made chicken katsu and hearty ramen bowls seeping through the automatic doors as you pass by them. You look down at the GPS app on your phone and set your destination to the local Target a couple blocks down from your place.

Taking in the scenery, you see the entrance to a quaint little coffee shop lined with bookshelves filled to the brim with a variety of different colored book covers. A boy with a short blonde bob cut encompassing his head like a halo is carrying a stack of books, his bright blue eyes wide behind a pair of thick black rectangular framed glasses peering over the stack.

You notice his arms and legs buckling under the heavy load and a girl with bright blonde hair tied in a messy ponytail with a large chunk framing the right side of her face grabs the stack from his arms with ease, her face expressionless as she walks over to a shelf. The boy chuckles softly as he begins taking the books and meticulously reading the spines of each novel and the summaries on the back before placing them in their appropriate spots.

You keep walking and admiring the world as it unfurls before you, glancing at the modern looking cars and bright yellow taxi cabs speeding by. Amidst the skyscrapers scattered along the streets, their windows reflecting the bright sun and dotting the skyline, are a bunch of various shops with red brick framing the exteriors. Above the shops are various little apartment units similar to your own, some of the windows open to let the fresh air and sun beams permeate the stuffy units.

The sidewalks bustled with families from all walks of life scattering to their various locations. You peer down at your phone and realize the GPS needle is spinning around out of sync. Coming to the humble realization that you have no idea if you're actually going the right direction, you sigh and point your phone in different directions in hopes of getting the app to reroute and put you on track.

A young boy no older than 12 or 13 years old with scruffy blonde hair and light green eyes runs in front of you, his fingers interlinked with a girl around the same age with dark cherry brown hair tied securely in a half-up ponytail with chunks of hair falling on the sides of her head chasing behind him.

You can hear their breaths staggering, as if they've been sprinting down the street. The two kids bump into your hip as they run past, yelling apologies without even bothering to turn and face you. You sigh but hold your tongue, hoping your mother didn't notice before she starts berating a bunch of children in the middle of the sidewalk.

Both were wearing white doboks with "Marley Warrior Taekwondo" embroidered on the back in black and gold stitching. A young man around your age with similarly short blonde hair and hazel green eyes runs up behind them and stops briefly next to you.

"Gabi! Falco! Watch where you're going!" The man yells over his shoulder, keeping an eye on them as they turn the corner and go into a building. "I'm so sorry about them, they're running late to their taekwondo class and it looks like everything I've taught them about manners has flown right over their heads. Are you okay?"

You look up and peer into his eyes, clearly remorseful but also agitated at the situation and the kids' recklessness inconveniencing you. You let out a soft chuckle, "I'm okay don't worry, I just hope that they made it to class on time."

The man grins and scratches the back of his head. "Yeah to be honest their tardiness is my fault to begin with since I forgot they had class today, but thankfully the school is just down the street from here so at least they won't be too tired for practice from all the running. I'm Colt by the way." He extends his hand towards you.

You giggle at his humble honesty and shake his hand. "My name is y/n, it's nice to meet you."

He returns the handshake and smiles, "Nice to meet you too y/n. Did you just move to Marley City? I saw you staring at your phone in pure confusion before my little brother and his friend so rudely bumped into you, which is kind of a prime indication that you're not from around here."

You scratch your head in mild embarrassment, "Yeah... I actually just moved in today down the street from here and I was looking for a Target so I could get some stuff for my new place. Is it really that obvious that I'm new?"

Colt laughs and looks at the GPS pin spinning in circles helplessly on your phone.

"I apologize for the assumption, but most locals typically have their phones in their pockets and walk with a vengeance so I kind of put two and two together. Don't stress about it though, almost everyone here was in your shoes at some point meandering the streets looking for something. The Target is just down the road. Turn right on East Eldia Street and keep walking and it'll be on your right. I gotta run to make sure those kids aren't killing themselves or one another in class but I hope to see you around!"

You wipe the sweat from your forehead and thank Colt for his help as he jogs towards the taekwondo school down the street where the kids ran into.

You look over and see your mom standing under a nearby awning, looking at you with her eyes beading into your skull, breaking down the entire interaction like a cinematic replay pans out in her head.

"He's cute. At least he won't give me ugly grandchildren like the fool you've been messing around with for the past 3 years."

She smirks, delighted by her witty diss at your boyfriend Jared, who moved to New Eldia recently to pursue his "budding rap career". You scoff at her remarks and bite your tongue as you nod your head in the direction you're supposed to be walking, thanking the heavens above that Colt gave you directions before you looked even more idiotic walking around the street.

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After an hour of scavenging around the store, you sling the bags filled with cleaning supplies and random cheap frozen meals to hold you over until you get paid over your shoulder as you haul your things back into your apartment. The music blaring in your headphones fills your ears as you set your things down.

˖ ݁♬⋆.˚𝄞.

{ now playing: Love My Way - The Psychedelic Furs }

Still bitter from your mother's unsolicited comments about your idiotic packing skills and the messy apartment you had no responsibility in messing up, you grab some Clorox wipes from the reusable Target bag and begin wiping down the shelves in the fridge and freezer so you can put away the perishables.

Your mom took over the bathroom, saying how you were "too incompetent" to clean it properly and how she didn't trust you to clean it in a way that would impress your new roommate.

Cleaning has always been a stress reliever for you, at least when your mom isn't around to constantly comment on your lack of precision and attention to detail. You sway to the music playing in your headphones as you continue scrubbing down all the surfaces in the kitchen and dusting off the shelves in the cabinet.

You move onto the bedroom and wipe down the mantle, the wardrobe, your desk and chair, and the window sills. The AC unit installed in the window hums lowly as the cool breeze circulates throughout your room, making you realize just how damn hot it was and how it was probably a mistake moving to Marley City in the summer.

You set a garbage bag in the steel trash can the leasing company provided with the unit and toss the soiled disinfectant wipes, making a mental note to take out the trash before your roommate moves in later.

You dust and sweep vigorously, aiming to finish as quickly as possible in case your new roommate shows up and thinks you did something that warranted all this deep cleaning.

Curse your mother for making you worry about appearances and first impressions so deeply.

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After a few hours of deep cleaning your apartment and trying your hardest to not let your mother's criticisms get under your skin, you sift through your suitcases and start putting your things away.

You start with the wardrobe, taking out all your shirts and neatly arranging them on hangers in rainbow order, grouping them by sleeve length. You haul out all your heavier jackets and other clothes for cooler seasons and fold them neatly in a large clear storage bag. As you zip up the bag and start sliding it under your bed, you hear your mother's voice echo out from the kitchen.

"Your aunt Linda is in town and she invited us to go to a Broadway show, but I told her you're too busy unpacking so it'll just be me and her going out. This apartment better be organized and spotless by the time I get back. I'll call you when I'm downstairs, you better not leave me waiting."

You sigh, knowing one of the top things on your bucket list since moving here was to see a Broadway show, but also knowing your priorities lie here. You get up and watch her head out the front door and lock it quietly behind her, grateful for the peace and quiet as her presence diminishes.

You turn on the TV across your bed, connect your phone, set your playlist on shuffle.

˖ ݁♬⋆.˚𝄞.

{ now playing: still feel. - half•alive }

You continue working on the pile of clothes you dumped onto your bed, methodically putting your things away and swaying to the beat of the rhythm flowing through your apartment. You bopped your shoulders in tune with the beat and haphazardly danced along to the choreography that flashed on the small TV screen.

Pleased with your work and patting yourself on the back for the organization, you make a half-assed promise to maintain this even when you start working, knowing full well that you'll be too busy to even eat most of the time, much less maintain the tidiness of your apartment and especially your measly closet.

You tie your hair back and grab the broom from the supply closet in front of the door to the unit and begin sweeping around the kitchen, singing along to the melody of the upbeat tune and dancing around without a care in the world– the broom was your microphone and your apartment was simply a stage to perform.

Without your mother around to berate your so-called immaturity, you find yourself able to finally breathe. Music and singing especially have always been a core part of you– a way to keep you centered and unwind even when it feels like the world is crumbling around you.

When you were a kid, you used to dream of being a famous singer– traveling the world on tour, connecting with your fans and hearing how much they loved your voice and admired your skills– the world was your oyster, before the harsh realities of life and your mother's cruelty buried your hopes and dreams six feet under.

You peer into the bathroom and see that it's completely spotless, a complete 180 to its original state that had you holding back vomit just hours earlier. You hate to admit it, but your mother was right when she said you wouldn't be able to clean it to her standards.

The bleach and other bathroom cleaning supplies were tucked neatly in the cabinet under the sink. You grab your hygiene things and start arranging them in the hidden cabinet behind the mirror above the sink. You set your favorite Winter Candy Apple lotion and body spray from Bath and Body Works neatly on the shelves, the sweet aroma radiating softly amidst the lingering scent of the cleaning products.

Winter Candy Apple has been one of your favorite scents since you were young. Petra gifted you a set with lotion, body wash, and body spray for your 13th birthday. Ever since then, the fragrance has been a staple in your life.

You look fondly at the small bottles on the shelf and move onto your other essentials– placing your toothbrush and mint toothpaste on the corner of the sink, your face wash on another shelf. You kept all your things on the right side so your roommate would have ample space for her belongings.

You wondered what she would be like. The leasing company only told you that it would be a woman around your age, but you had no clue what she was doing in Marley City. Is she in a similar field to you? What's her family dynamic like? Is she an introvert like you? Would you guys be friends? You've always been an overthinker , and this situation is no different. You shake the thoughts in your head and get back to work, dedicated to making sure the rest of the apartment is spotless like your mother demands.

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You peer at your phone and glance at the time, realizing it's almost 5pm. The faint smell of disinfectants, lemon, and diluted vinegar lingered in the air, an olfactory indication of your hard work.

You wipe your head and check the notifications on your phone. A couple of texts from Jared, one being an attachment of an mp3 of his "latest masterpiece" that he wants your opinion on. You scoff knowing that as much as you hate to admit it– it's probably going to be shit like the rest of his songs, but you know better than to tell him the truth.

Earlier on in your relationship, you tried to give him feedback on one of his beats and it blew up into a massive argument about how he's never good enough for your standards, how you don't care about his hobbies or passions, and how your supposed lack of support makes him feel worthless.

You open up his messages and listen to the beat– a harsh cacophony of trap beats, random airhorns, and nonsensical adlibs assault your ears. Biting your tongue and remembering the fight that looms in your heart whenever he talks about his music, you respond back and say the beat was great and you're excited to hear him rap over it. You send a brief message telling him about your day and how you've been unpacking and that you were exhausted but you missed him.

He responds almost immediately, giddy and dumping his lyric ideas all while not acknowledging the massive change in your life. You sigh, poorly attempting to mask your disappointment and look at your other notifications.

You see a bunch of texts from Allison, your best friend since your childhood who moved to Marley City a year ago to pursue a career as an influencer.

Ally Berry 🍓: Y/N! Have you gotten situated at your new place yet?
I wanna stop by once you're all set up so text me when you're free bitch I miss you!!!

Ally Berry 🍓: Is your new roommate there yet?
She better not replace me or on both our lives I'm beating your ass...

You chuckle under your breath and reply back, but your stomach growls so loudly you barely even hear your own laugh.

Y/N: Today's been a hell of a day.
My mom came to help me move but you
can imagine how that's been going for me.
I'm starving though so I might stop by a little
cafe nearby and grab a bite while
she's out with my aunt.

Y/N: No new roommate yet, but you know damn well no one can replace you girl don't pmo 🙄

Y/N: I start working in the lab on Monday, so
maybe you can come by on Wednesday
for a little wine night and debrief??? 👀

You toss your phone and carabiner into a tote bag and slide your white platform Converse on. You lock up the unit behind you and bounce down the stairs of your building, your ponytail swaying lightheartedly with the rhythm of your footsteps.

You walk to the cafe you saw on your journey to Target earlier with a cozy brown sign reading "Sina's Books and Beverages" hanging above a curved awning with stripes in various shades of brown. You open the door and hear the bells above the door hinge softly, indicating your arrival.

˖ ݁♬⋆.˚𝄞.
{ now playing: seasons - wave to earth }

The same blonde haired boy you saw struggling with the stack of books earlier stands behind the counter, and he looks up from the register. His smile beams brightly as you make your way to the counter. A gentle melody plays quietly over a pair of speakers fastened to the wall nearby a bookshelf filled with various fiction novels.

"Hello! My name is Armin and welcome to Sina's Books and Bevs. What can I get you today?"

He pushes his glasses up his nose with his pointer finger. He has a bright green t-shirt layered over a black long sleeve shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His name tag is pinned securely to his dark brown barista apron, along with other little nerdy pins you find endearing.

You skim over the menu and decide on an iced latte with oatmilk and 3 pumps of vanilla syrup, a chocolate muffin, and 2 ham and swiss croissant warmed up. He relays the order to the strong blonde girl you saw earlier, her face as stoic as you saw before as she just nods and starts filling a cup with ice.

You pull out your wallet, your keychains clinking together, and reach for your card when you notice Armin looking closely at one of the pendants dangling from the carabiner.

"You a big Noragami fan?" he whispers, pointing at a keychain of Yato with a silly face.

You smile and nod, tapping your card on the card reader. "One of my favorite animes actually. I'm pissed there's only two seasons out though."

He giggles and nods in agreement. "It's a fun one for sure, but the weird little hinted romance between Yato and Hiyori is a bit strange especially since she's like... a middle schooler and he's some ancient god. The Noragami subreddit loves to gloss over that."

You laugh quietly so as to not disturb the peace of the cafe patrons reading and sipping on their drinks. "Yeah it's weird as shit lowkey, but it's a good show to distract from the realities of life." you say, immediately overthinking if that was a weird statement to overshare.

"Enough yapping already and give her her damn food already, I don't have all day."

A gruff voice bounces behind you. You turn around and see a tall man with an ashy brown mullet and matching colored scruff looming over you, a scowl seemingly permanently attached to his face.

Armin chuckles and grabs a pair of tongs and takes out your chocolate muffin from the display, handing it to you before turning back around to a small oven behind him to grab your warm ham and swiss croissants. The smell of the croissants emitting from the oven alone is enough to make your stomach rumble again, reminding you that you haven't eaten since you were on the plane to Marley City this morning.

He hands your food over as the girl you saw in the window before slides your latte next to him on the counter.

"Thanks Annie, looks delicious!" he says as he hands it to you, the other barista you learn is named Annie looks over to the two of you and nods her head gently, the chunk of blonde hair falling delicately from the side of her face moving slightly.

You take your goodies to a nearby table and try to shake the man's nasty attitude from your conscience. You sip on your latte, the rich vanilla flavors swirling on your tongue as the ice in the cup shuffles quietly.

You glance over at the man from earlier, his jaw clenched and eyes narrow as he tells Armin his order. Armin looks like he's used to this man's bitter attitude as he hands him a cup of hot earl gray tea and a black coffee. The man nods and makes his way out the door, handing the cup of tea to a short older woman who appears to be his mother waiting outside, her brown hair tied back into a messy ponytail. The two set off and walk down the sidewalk, his mother energetically talking to him while the man just scowls and continues walking.

You set your drink down and make your way to one of the bookshelves, your finger lightly grazing the spines of the fiction books before picking out a random one of the shelves. The cover reads "My Lovely Wife" by Samantha Downing, with a picture of a woman looking at her reflection in the blade of a knife.

You return to your seat and flip open the page, immediately getting entranced in the novel as the exposition lays out the scenery.

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After an hour or so of reading, the book holding you on the edge of the couch in suspense, you get a call from your mother saying she's coming down the street and to hurry up to the front door.

You sigh, take a picture of the cover and the page number you were on, and put it back on the shelf where you found it. You collect your things, toss the extra ham and swiss croissant you got from your mom into your bag, and wave to Armin and Annie behind the counter. You start making your way to the front door of your apartment, and the smell of warm ramen radiating from Wall Maria Market entices you even though you just stuffed your face.

Before you can impulsively pop into the Japanese market and buy something you certainly don't need, you see your mother's silhouette walking towards the entrance of the building, her face impassive.

You greet her and hand her the croissant you got for her and she takes it in one hand and waves the other dismissively towards you, saying she's going to stay with your aunt at her hotel room for the night and only came by to make sure you actually cleaned up the place.

You hide back your enthusiasm, grateful that she isn't staying the night and you get to actually relax for once and make your way into the building, the wooden stairs creaking loudly beneath your steps.

You open the door to apartment 215 and nervously make your way into your room, awaiting your mother's inevitable harsh remarks. Your mom takes a look around your now spotless and tidy room and nods quietly in approval, a soft grunt indicating that it could be better but she wasn't entirely disappointed.

You sigh quietly in relief and turn towards your bedroom door to escort your mom out when you see the door to the other bedroom opening abruptly, and your heart sinks.

The man you saw at the coffee shop– the one who was an asshole rushing your brief and harmless conversation with Armin– was standing in the doorframe of the other bedroom across from you.

His mullet was slightly disheveled, presumably from bringing his belongings up to the unit. His baggy dark wash jorts hang loosely from waist as a vintage looking black sleeveless top shuffles against his torso. You notice a few tattoos along his lean biceps, the most noticeable being a snake wrapping around his arm.

You can feel your mother's rage and distrust swelling behind you, just as shocked as you are that a man is moving into your unit after you guys were both convinced by the leasing company that a girl would be coming in.

You mutter softly under your breath.

This cannot be happening to me right now.

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(A/N)

Gasp!!! Thank you all for reading the first chapter! Hope you enjoyed and be sure to follow me for updates on when I post next >:)

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Chapter Text

You lock eyes with the man leaning in the doorframe, who looks like he would rather be dead than looking back at you too. His eyes narrow, burying his gaze deep into your soul.

Does he recognize you like you do him? Is there a way to get a new roommate? You know you can't afford to drop your lease now. What is your mother thinking? Is she going to flip out on you later?

You come back to your senses when you hear a gentle voice coming behind the man, and the short woman you saw him hand a cup of tea to outside Sina's Books and Beverages slowly emerges behind his tall stature. Her eyes are wide in shock when she sees you and your mother frozen by the door of your bedroom.

"Oh goodness! Are you the other resident here? My name is Sharon Kirstein, and this is my boy Jean." She wraps her arms around his torso, beaming with a sense of love and pride while he scoffs, clearly disgusted with his mother's sudden physical touch. "It's a pleasure to meet you!"

She scurries towards you and extends her hand. You smile and shake her hand back. Your mother smiles warmly and shakes her hand too, and you look over and see the apprehension bellowing to the surface but still hidden by her false courtesy.

Her lively nature is a stark contrast to Jean's brooding and hostile energy, and you internally question how a woman who seems so loving and energetic raised a man that looks like he hates everyone and everything around him.

"Hello ma'am, my name is Y/n L/n and this is my mother. It's nice to meet you."

Sharon's eyes brighten up. "What a beautiful name to match such a beautiful face! I can see where you get it from." She smiles and winks to your mom, who chuckles softly at the sudden compliment.

She pulls a chair from the dining table and sits down while Jean remains as stoic and unamused as ever, arms crossed over his chest as he leans his right shoulder on the doorframe. "So what brings you to Marley City? My baby here got a job at Reiss' Accounting. Seems just like yesterday he was a baby scarfing down omelettes and broccoli, and now he's a big boy with a big boy job in the big city!"

She laughs while showing the lock screen on her phone– a picture of a young toddler with eyes wide, a plastic fork in one hand and a plastic knife in the other hovering over a mound of eggs.

You chuckle and look up at Jean as he groans in annoyance, clearly agitated at his mother's shenanigans.

"I moved from Shiganshina to work in a research lab at Liberio Medical University. I'm planning on pursuing a dual medical and PHD program after working for a bit to build up my skills and resume."

Sharon's jaw drops in admiration. "That's amazing! You must be one smart cookie. Hopefully your drive and ambition rubs off on my boy here. Your mother must be proud."

You and Sharon look over to your mother standing in the doorframe of your bedroom, sizing up Jean with her typical judgmental gaze that he seems to pay no mind to. Her emotions flip almost instantly as soon as Sharon's eyes are on her, and her appearance neutralizes.

"She's been working hard, and I expect her to do well." Your mother replies blandly, a tinge of her resounding judgement and typical hostility spilling over in a way only you can fully feel.

Despite all the work you put in to get to where you are now, to make Petra proud wherever her soul is, to prove to your family that you are strong and capable– your mother still isn't proud of you. She can't even feign her pride for a complete stranger.

You swallow back your anxious thoughts and force a smile and mutter a soft "thank you" before turning your head to Jean, desperate to include him into the conversation in hopes that he says something that can shift your attention away from the overthinking racking your brain.

"So... uh... accounting huh? Where did you go to school?" You barely muster out, realizing it sounded even more pathetic out loud than it did in your head.

He walks over towards the dining table and sighs. Jean begins to open his mouth when his mother interjects– "he went to the College of Trost! He dual-majored in financial management and business. He's such a bright boy, I couldn't be a prouder mother."

He glares at his mom who is blinded with pride, clearly annoyed that she cut him off. He scoffs and nods his head towards his mom.

"Yeah. What she said." His voice is low and gruff, the disdain cutting through his words like a sharpened blade. If you ever used a tone like that, especially around your mother, you would've been sent to military school.

"Jeanie-bottle! Watch your tone now, you don't want to scare off this pretty girl and her lovely mother!"

Upon hearing Sharon's silly nickname, you fail to hold back your giggles. Jean glares at you with the heat of a million suns, and you immediately cover your mouth in a pitiful attempt to suppress your laughter.

"Jeanie-bottle? That's so adorable." You say, glancing over to Jean with a slight smirk. His sunken-in eyes glisten with fury, but you can't help but commend yourself for getting a reaction out of him.

"Yes Jeanie-Bottle! You know, like 'genie' bottles? It started when he was young because my little Jean-boy made all my wishes come true." Sharon says, rubbing Jean's arm endearingly before he swiftly pulls it away from his mother's grasp.

Sharon sets her hands in her lap and continues yapping about how Jean has been her darling son– winning several accolades in academics, sports, and various clubs all throughout his upbringing. The way her eyes glisten with joy as she speaks so highly of her beloved son makes your heart sink.

Why can't my mother talk about me like this? Why am I not good enough? Where did I go wrong? You can feel the shame, embarrassment, and jealousy building up when Sharon's voice pops through the voices in your head.

"Oh! I also wanted to mention how the place is spotless! The cleaners did a phenomenal job getting the unit ready for you kids to move in. It's good that a cleaning service is included in the rent. Jean here can get a bit messy but since he's an adult now I'm sure he won't be too much trouble to you y/n." She winks and elbows Jean, laughing softly as he scowls at the blatant diss on his hygiene and cleanliness.

You scratch the back of your neck and open your mouth to speak right before your mother butts in. "Well actually, we came in this afternoon and the place was actually a disaster. Y/n and I had to go to the Target down the road and clean the place up. I took some pictures of the mess to send to the leasing company so they are aware of the issue and lack of service and deduct it from the rent."

Your mother fishes her phone out of her back pocket and pulls up the pictures of the filthy bathroom, the table with a layer of grime so thick you're surprised it's shining now, and the hardwood floors stained a shade darker from all the dirt built up.

Sharon's jaw drops at the wreck you and your mom stumbled into. "Oh my goodness, that's... deplorable. Thank you so much for your hard work! Here let me–" She reaches into her purse and pulls out the largest wad of cash you have ever seen in your life, plucking twenty dollar bills like they were nothing until she slides $200 dollars on the table towards you and your mother.

"Hopefully this covers the price of all the cleaning supplies along with your valiant efforts." She laughs almost nervously.

Holy fuck. Are they rich?

Your eyes widen and you start telling her how that isn't necessary, but your mother's hand swoops in and pockets the money before you can finish your sentence.

"That's incredibly kind of you Sharon. It was no problem at all." Your mother says with a sweet tone that you can immediately tell is laced with malice and – jealousy?

You silently curse under your breath knowing your mother made you pay for the supplies earlier, but you mentally retract your harshness when you remember how the bathroom looked before compared to now. Quite frankly, she deserved the money more than you did at this point.

Your family wasn't strapped for cash by any means, but you guys certainly didn't have $200– nearly a quarter of the rent– to just hand out like that in cash. You can sense your mother's jealousy-fueled ranting in your imminent future, but you push along the conversation before the energy shifts the conversation too heavily.

"Thank you so much Ms. Kirstein. You're too generous." You say, trying to distract yourself from the worry sparking from your mother's emotions bubbling in your chest.

"It's not a problem at all! But anyways, me and Jean have some more errands to run before I leave him here." She says sweetly, getting up from the dining table carefully so as to not scuff the floors you spent hours sweeping and mopping.

"Oh, before we leave, let me give you mine and Jean's numbers in case you guys need to reach us. It was a pleasure meeting you sweetheart, I hope my little Jean-boy doesn't cause you any trouble." She reaches into her purse and takes out a light blue sticky note, jotting down her name and number along with Jean's and sliding it into your palm.

You take a picture of it and tuck it into your pocket before waving goodbye to his mother. Jean was already out the door before you could even speak to him.

The door shuts softly behind them, and you listen for their footsteps instinctively as they leave the building. It seems your mother was doing the same as the second they were out of earshot, she started cursing.

"This is ridiculous. They told us a girl would be moving in and in comes this delinquent and his preppy little mother? I need to call the company again and cancel your lease or request a new roommate because there's no way you are going to live with some runt like him." She mutters, reaching for her phone again hastily.

"Mom. Stop. We can't cancel the lease now because it's already been signed and they aren't going to refund us. Plus, look how nice his mother is. If we request someone new or move out it'll look bad on us and it's just going to leave us with more problems." You say sternly, trying to gauge her reaction.

She sighs, "Fine, but don't you dare get tangled up in his mess. He looks like a walking disaster. With an attitude like his I'm surprised he even has a job... little brat. Anyways, you're here for a reason– don't make me regret letting you come here." She says softly with her small scowl that doesn't hold any real weight behind it.

You can't help but chuckle softly, enjoying a surprisingly lighthearted moment with your mother.

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Your mother's mood swings have always been strong enough to give whiplash. You never knew what would come out of her mouth. More often than not, your mother had nothing but complaints and harsh criticism to spit at whatever inconvenienced her, but other times she was surprisingly pleasant. You knew deep down that despite your mother's rage wreaking havoc on not just you but your entire family, she still loved you.

All the pressure she put on you to be the best was really her way of wanting you to grow up to be someone that you were proud of. To stand tall and be confident and enter the world with the skills and mindset to rule it. At least that's what you choose to believe.

You used to think that she hated you growing up, and during her most heated moments when there were things plaguing her mind that you were too young to comprehend, you felt it. Her voice would drip with venom, cursing your fragile existence to a mental turmoil that no child should have to face.

But despite her rampage, she still showed her care and affection in ways you grew to realize. Despite the fact that she never said she was proud of you and your achievements, they reflected in her actions nonetheless.

˖ ݁♬⋆.˚𝄞.

{ now playing: The Bug Collector – Haley Heynderickx }

"Mom! Look! I got an A on my spelling quiz!"

Your voice, still so sweet and so innocent, radiates as you burst through the front door of your childhood home in Shiganshina. Your small hands gripped onto your spelling quiz and handed it to her.

Your mother was watching TV in the living room, but she took her reading glasses off the coffee table and slid them on, meticulously reading through your answers and staring so intensely you were worried she would burn a hole through the paper.

You gulp in anticipation, already expecting her cruel words to spill out. Before you could get too deep into your head, her voice cuts through your thoughts–

"You misspelled strawberry? You should know better than this y/n. It's your favorite fruit and you can't even spell it properly? Get it together y/n. I expect an A+ next time, don't let me down again. I'm disappointed."

She scoffs and places the quiz on the coffee table along with her glasses before sitting back on the couch and returning to her show as if she didn't just brand "disappointment" into the recesses of your young mind. "Go get ready for tennis practice, you're going to be late. I'll print more practice sheets to add to your homework."

You hang your head in shame, her words slicing through your heart even though you expected her reaction. You walk dejectedly back to your room and collect your equipment and change into your practice attire and return to the garage where your mother was already waiting in the car.

The drive was silent, and all you could feel bubbling in your heart was pain. You wanted so desperately to scream at her, tell her you improved tremendously since your last quiz, shout about how nothing you ever did was good enough for her.

Despite the emotions simmering into your core, binding themselves to your tiny ribcage and tugging at your soul so intensely it felt like you were caving in on yourself, all you could muster up was a single tear. You wiped it away swiftly before your mother could see and scold you for "crying for no reason" and threaten to "give you a real reason to cry."

Your mom drops you off at the tennis courts, where you see Petra hard at work running drills and returning serves with a precision you couldn't help but admire. You turn to wave goodbye to your mother but she was already speeding away as if she couldn't get away from you any faster.

Petra sees you plop out of the back seat of the car and slowly drag yourself to the court. She waves to her coach quickly and runs up to you, scooping you up in a hug and twirling you around.

"Y/n! What's with the doom and gloom kiddo?" she says, her auburn hair swaying in her ponytail as she sets you back to the ground.

You sigh and tell her how you got an A on your spelling quiz, but mom was just angry that it wasn't an A+ and now you have more homework to do later on top of the stuff you had assigned from school.

"An A? That's amazing! That's way better than the B you got on the last quiz! I'm so proud of you y/n." Her eyes gleam with pride, something you can't help but wish your mother mirrored. You feel the tears well up in your eyes as you recount your mother's hostility when she called you a disappointment.

Petra's eyes soften and she gently lifts your head up with her hands sandwiching your cheeks. "Don't let it get to your head y/n. She's strict on us because she cares about us, you know? Tonight, I'll help you with your spelling homework so next quiz you can get that A+."

You smile softly and wipe the tears brimming in your eyes when you hear a whistle and see your coach waving and motioning to his watch. You run over and start stretching before practice, your heart weighing lighter in a way only Petra can manage to do.

Tennis practice seemingly went by in a flash, and before you know it you're in the backseat of Petra's old Honda Accord that she bought with the money she saved up from giving private tennis lessons, finally heading home.

You stumble inside, the exhaustion of the day setting in, and kick your shoes off before walking into the kitchen. You look at the counter and see a small plate of strawberries on the kitchen island next to your quiz and a packet of spelling worksheets stapled together.

"See? Made with love in a way only she knows how." Petra says, nodding to the plate.

Your eyes brighten as you see the plate of decadent strawberries cut in delicate halves, the stems sliced off perfectly to maximize the amount of fruit per bite. You look around for your mother to say thank you but you could hear her getting settled for the night in her room.

You take the plate of strawberries and a couple forks to the dining table and sit with Petra as she guides you through your homework, savoring each bite of the strawberries prepared with love your mother could only ever show you, but never tell you.

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"I'm heading out. Your aunt called saying she's outside. Don't do anything stupid, especially not with that boy, and make sure you have everything prepared for work on Monday. I'll mi–"

She clears her throat. "I expect to hear good things, don't disappoint me."

You look up and see your mom standing by the doorframe with her small carry-on looking at her phone impatiently. She looks up and her gaze softens ever so slightly as your eyes interlock. Her mouth opens slightly but you can see her demeanor switch before she can get the words out.

You jump up and impulsively hug her. Even though she has caused you so much pain, in the end she's your mother. As much as you resented her for her cruel words and harsh treatment, you've never been so far from home before and she's the one person who's always been in your life whether you liked it or not. With Petra gone, your mother was the only family you had left.

She's taken aback and awkwardly pats your back, as if she's unfamiliar with the concept of a hug. You step back and tell her to get home safe.

She walks out the door and you check your phone to see if there are any updates from Jared or Allison. You go on Instagram and see Jared's story, where he's at a makeshift recording studio in someone's basement with the caption reading "heat incoming 🔥follow my soundcloud for fyre beats ong‼️💸"

You roll your eyes and see Allison posted a few minutes ago at one of the fanciest restaurants you've ever seen with a caption saying "Shoutout to Mitras Beauty for sponsoring this amazing dinner! Use code "AllyBerry" for 20% off your next purchase! 🍓💌"

Jared lived across the region doing God knows what, and Allison lives on the opposite side of the city living her best life eating dinner at a restaurant that looks like it only exists in movies.

You rub your head and check to see that it's already 10pm and right on cue, your stomach growls to remind you that you've barely eaten all day. You pull up the DoorDash app and decide to order some pizza and get it delivered since the moving process has rendered you entirely exhausted.

You decide to shower and start making your way to the bathroom when you get a notification that your order was received and will be delivered in around 30 minutes. You set your towel on the rack next to the shower, set the faucet to run, and shed your layers. You check your phone one last time and open up your Spotify playlist and hit shuffle.

˖ ݁♬⋆.˚𝄞.

{ now playing: She's So Gone - Naomi Scott (from the "Lemonade Mouth" soundtrack) }

You hop into the shower and become immediately dissatisfied with the weak water pressure and lukewarm water rolling down your back. You scrub your hair with a fury and start singing along to the ballad blaring from your phone, using your shampoo bottle as a makeshift microphone. You turn your head back towards the water and rinse off the suds as you perform for the ripe audience of none.

You build up a lather of apple scented body wash on your loofah and continue scrubbing away all the grime built up on your skin after a long day of traveling and moving. As the bubbles flow down the drain, you dance along and pretend you're hitting the drums with the beat of the music. As the chorus hits, you hit the classic "Disney knees" position, swapping to using your loofah as a microphone rather than the original shampoo bottle. 

All the stress of the day– your mother's words, the budding emotions from your encounter with Jean at the cafe and subsequently in your apartment– everything flows away as you continue your shower performance.

You finish showering and hop out, drying yourself off and wrapping your towel around your chest. You grab your winter candy apple lotion from the cabinet and slab it all over your body, rubbing it into your skin and basking in its light and fruity scent.

You check your phone again and see your food was picked up by a young looking man with a buzzcut and that he's on a bike towards your place at a concerningly fast pace.

You scurry out of the bathroom and put on an oversized white t-shirt and black pajama shorts. You fix up your hair before checking Connie's location again and seeing he's about 4 minutes away.

You toss on a pair of crocs, grab your keys, and head outside to wait for your food. Although the sun has set for a few hours now, the air is still warm and humid. There are still people scattered throughout the street, many of which are young people around your age meeting up with friends– their nights are just starting while yours is coming to an end.

You look over at a group of college-aged girls in little black dresses huddled together, talking about their previous wild nights out and laughing fondly at the old memories. Their arms were wrapped around one another's shoulders, adorned with various silver and gold bracelets and rings that glimmered ever so faintly in the moonlight. 

Though you've always been an introvert at heart and never one for the party scene, you often wished that you could go out and live life wildly like most 21 year olds do. You never had time for parties throughout high school or college since you were so focused on your grades and extracurriculars.

Before you could get too lost in thought, a man zips by on a slick black bike with a pizza delivery bag strapped to the back and stops abruptly in front of you. He's wearing black cargo pants and a beige Essentials t-shirt, with his buzzcut peeking out under a black beanie. The faint scent of marijuana mixed with some kind of woody cologne permeated the air around the two of you. 

"Yo! You y/n?" he says, looking you up and down before smirking. You nod your head and he hands you your box of pizza, steam still pouring from the sides as the heat meshes into your palms.

"Sick. Most people call me Connie, but you..." he says as he looks at your lips then up to your eyes, "... can call me any time." He finishes his sentence with a wink and a smirk, leaning on the brick wall encompassing the door to your building.

You audibly laugh at his pitiful attempt at flirting and hand him a $5 bill as a tip. "I have a boyfriend, but nice try bud. I can't imagine that line actually works but I respect the effort."

He adjusts the beanie on his head and starts getting back onto his bike. "Aw shit... well it was worth a shot. You have a great rest of your night y/n, I hope to be graced with your presence sometime soon." He says with another wink and a laugh, and you can't help but laugh along with him.

"Don't get your hopes up Connie, have a good night and make that money bud!" You say as he waves and begins to speed off.

You make your way back upstairs and set the pizza on the table. You grab a paper plate and begin feasting on the three cheese pizza and watching TikToks on your phone. The flavors of the various cheese combinations mesh beautifully in your mouth, making you realize just how hungry you were and how long your day really was.

The peace is shortly outlived when the door flies open and Jean comes barreling in. His hazel eyes were sagging, his ashy-brown mullet looked rugged and disheveled as if he's been running his fingers through his hair nonstop. You notice he was wearing a white t-shirt that said "I ❤️Marley City" instead of the black vintage tank top he was wearing earlier.

You unsuccessfully stifle back a laugh and he glares at you with a primal rage that only makes you laugh harder. "Wow... I wonder who loves Marley City." you say through your giggles.

"My mom bought me and her matching t-shirts and forced me to take pictures with her all around town." His tone was gravelly and riddled with exhaustion. His eyes were narrow and the bags under his eyes looked particularly dark, especially in the minimal lighting coming solely from the lamp in the corner of the kitchen. 

"How adorable. Here, looks like you need this more than me at this point." You say and slide the box of pizza towards him as a peace offering for laughing at his misery and he sighs and waves his hand dismissively.

"I ate earlier, also I don't eat cheap shit like..." he glances at the label on the pizza box "Pizza Hut."

You roll your eyes and glare at him. "Shut the hell up hotshot and eat a damn slice. I can't finish this by myself and I don't like wasting food, plus we need to talk."

You point to the chair across the table and glare harder. He rolls his eyes and plops himself down and begins picking at a slice, not even looking at you as if the pizza just magically appeared and you had nothing to do with it.

"Look, we're roommates now and I'm not thrilled about it just as much as you aren't. But since these are the cards we've been dealt, let's start with some ground rules before we murder one another. I'd prefer if this experience wasn't insufferable."

You take out your phone and begin making an "Apt. 215 Rules" list in your notes app.

He scoffs as he sees you type and looks up at you, his hazel eyes narrowed with annoyance. "Listen whatever your name is, we're adults, we don't need to sit here and talk about useless shit like this. I'll mind my business, and you mind yours. It's not that fucking difficult."

You grit your teeth as his attitude starts to weigh down on you.

"First of all, my name is y/n, maybe you would've caught onto that if you weren't being such a brat to your mom. Second, you don't have to be an asshole. I was expecting a girl to be my roommate and I'm just as annoyed about our little arrangement here, but at least I'm trying to make it manageable and work with what we got unlike you. So get your panties out of your ass and let's set boundaries and establish some rules like the adults you claim you are."

He grits his teeth and leans back in his chair, running his fingers through his mullet with a heavy sigh. His sharp facial features glow dimly under the lamp next to him on the wall, emphasizing his weary eyes and dark eye bags.

"Fine. Let's get this shit over with, I'm fucking tired and I already spent a whole day with my mom, I don't need to deal with another version of her too living in my damn apartment. Say whatever the hell you want."

You rub your face with your hands in irritation. "Okay, well for one I expect you to keep things tidy. I hate mess and if you can't clean up after yourself at your big age like your mother insinuated then cut that shit out."

You're usually not as crude especially with people you've just met, but something about Jean's attitude is bringing out a part of you that you didn't even realize was in you all along. Whether it was his bitchy attitude, or maybe some resounding jealousy from your conversations with his mother earlier- it didn't matter. 

He smirks and rises slowly from his chair, placing his hands on the edge of the table and leaning over. He looks down at you and cocks his head slightly, "Not a fan of a little mess huh? Poor girl."

Your breath catches slightly at the sudden change in tone but you compose yourself quickly. "I'm not the cleanest either, nor do I give a shit about the status of your room, but at least keep the bathroom and the common area clean."

He walks over to the kitchen and starts pouring himself a glass of water, his lean frame looms over the counter as his long fingers gently grip onto the cup. You catch yourself staring at his hands and look back at your phone and keep typing out various boundaries you want to set with him.

He turns around from the sink and sits back down, "Yeah yeah whatever, okay. We done yet?"

You roll your eyes and glare at him. "No. Asshole. Also, if you're going to drink or do whatever fucking drugs you look like you do in your spare time, I'd prefer it if you did them somewhere else. To be honest I don't even know you but what I do know is I don't trust the actions of men especially when they're under the influence."

He cracks his neck and finishes his glass of water. "Fine. Also I'll probably have people over, you care? Friends and maybe... others." He says with another smirk.

"If you're gonna have guests over, give me a heads up so I don't walk out looking stupid. I'll do the same for you since I'm actually courteous. My boyfriend will probably be visiting here and there too so I'll let you know when he's in town."

He raises an eyebrow when you mention you have a boyfriend. "I'm surprised anyone would want to be with someone like you. Let me guess, he has mommy issues?"

Your jaw clenches and based on your reaction, he assumes he was right. "Mind your own business and deal with your own mommy issues first. I've seen firsthand how you treat her and it's pathetic."

His smile drops and he mutters something under his breath before running his hands through his hair again. "Whatever, you done? I need to shower and take off this fuck ass shirt." He motions to the shirt he got to match with his mom.

You wave your hand dismissively. "Fine. We're done talking for now. I'm texting you the list of things we talked about so save my number and keep these in mind. If you have anything you want to add just text me."

He gets up and starts going to his room and you remain in your chair as you type in his number. He turns his head and looks at you over his shoulder, his jawline sharp as a grin creeps onto his face.

"Unless you're trying to see me naked I'd suggest you go to your room, I don't blame you for wanting to enjoy the view though."

You scoff and get up and make your way back to your bedroom and shut the door. You crawl under the covers and groan with your hands covering your face.

"My life is a fucking joke."

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Chapter Text

(TW: descriptions of panic/anxiety attack.)

Sunday, July 6th

Your eyes open to the warm glow of the morning sun seeping through the blinds atop your windows. You stretch your arms over your head and look over at your phone to see the time.

11:34AM

You groan and groggily stand up from your bed. You're usually a morning person, but all the moving and traveling yesterday caught up with your body quickly and now it feels like a thousand elephants rest on your shoulders and back.

You slide on your slippers and open your blinds to let the sunlight flow through your dim bedroom. You feel guilty for wasting half the day especially when you're so used to being up and early, but you know deep down you needed the break after everything that's gone down the past couple days.

You make your way to the bathroom and listen to see if Jean is home, but the silence coming from his bedroom suggests that he's out so you lock the bathroom door and start running the shower.

˖ ݁♬⋆.˚𝄞.

{ now playing: Fiona Coyne - Skylar Spence }

The upbeat music fills your ears, reminding you that even though you slept for half the day, there's still another half of the day to make the most of before you start your new job tomorrow. The steam builds up around you and starts fogging up the mirror as you start with your hair.

You run your fingers along your scalp, scrubbing in your favorite shampoo and letting the water cleanse your head. You squirt out a bit of conditioner and run it through the ends of your hair and make your way up. You clip your hair up to let the conditioner marinate and begin scrubbing your body as you dance and sing along to the music playing throughout the tiny bathroom.

You shave your legs with a careful precision and wring the conditioner from your hair. The water flowing from the worn shower head hits the ceramic of the tub with a melodic "thud" as you prepare to seize the day fresh despite the late start. The vibrations of your voice singing to the beat enthusiastically reverberate against the smooth tiles of the cramped space.

You organize your hygiene products onto the shelf hanging from the shower head and see Jean's things on the other side of the shower. Vanilla and cedarwood body wash, some expensive looking shampoo and conditioner set in chic glass bottles that look beyond your tax bracket, and a small white hand towel rest on the corner of the bathtub. You carefully pick up his body wash and smell it out of curiosity, then come to your senses and put it down the way it was before you disturbed his things.

You step out of the shower and dry yourself off before wrapping the towel around your chest. You wipe the condensation off the mirror with the side of your fist and begin brushing your teeth, bopping your head along to the beat. You comb through your hair and lather your body in your favorite lotion, singing along to the music blaring from your phone's speaker.

You open his side of the cabinet and see a glass bottle of vanilla and cedarwood cologne, a black and white electric toothbrush, and an assortment of hair products scattered along the shelves. You hum along to your music as you put your own hygiene products away, keeping things tidy like you promised yourself yesterday.

You look to the towel rack to get changed before you come to the humbling realization that you left your change of clothes in your bedroom. You sigh and wrap the towel against your body tightly and open the bathroom door.

The steam escapes the bathroom quickly as you continue humming to your music and emerge from the bathroom. The ancient hardwood floors press against your bare feet, a stark contrast to the cold linoleum of the bathroom tiles that sends a shiver down your spine.

"Well good morning to you too." A deep voice calls out from the kitchen.

You scream and clutch your towel tightly and look over to the sink. You scramble to grab your phone in midair before you dropped it in shock, abruptly pausing your music.

Jean stands as tall as ever, rinsing a mug in the sink. His long and slender fingers are wrapped around the cup covered in suds from the dish soap sitting on the counter. His hazel eyes are wholly focused on the sink as he gently runs a sponge around the perimeter of the mug. The scruff lining his face highlights his sharp jawline, his teeth gritting as he focuses on the water running along the mug.

He's wearing red and black plaid pajama pants without a shirt. His chiseled physique is dimly lit by the weak overhead lighting of the kitchen. His mullet is mildly disheveled, the ashy-brown tone catching the light making it look even lighter. The snake tattoo wrapped around his arm moves around his bicep as it flexes and relaxes with each movement of him washing the cup.

I guess this explains why he's so cocky, he's fucking hot.

You shake the thought from your head and avert your eyes, dreadfully unaware of how long you were looking at him.

"What the hell are you doing here? I thought you had left the apartment since I didn't hear you in your room." You say, gripping tightly onto your towel with your arms crossed over your chest. Your wet hair drips onto the floor around you with a faint "splat" as you glare back at Jean.

"Well I was asleep until a certain someone's singing woke me up. Needed a coffee to manage before I ripped all my beautiful hair out." He says as he looks over his shoulder, his hand now holding a paper towel as he dries off the mug he just washed.

Your cheeks get hot as you realize he heard you singing, no– performing– in the shower.

God. This is so fucking embarrassing.

"Well had I known you were still here I would've kept the volume down. My bad." You throw a hand up in defeat while the other hangs onto your towel. "Regardless, you knew I was here and yet you're out here shirtless. Arrogant much?"

He laughs, "It's fine. You're not terrible, but don't complain about me being shirtless as if you weren't just enjoying the view." He puts the mug back onto a shelf in the cabinet with the rest of the dinnerware and turns to face you, his abs directly in your line of sight as you look away instinctively. You were already called out once, you didn't need him having anything else to hold against you.

"By the way, you should go change and dry your hair." His eyes drop towards the puddle of water that accumulated from your damp hair before locking back onto yours. "You wouldn't want to make a mess now, would you?" He says with his typical little smirk. You scoff and rush into your room and lock the door. You can hear him laugh softly to himself, clearly amused by the reaction he got out of you.

You look at your phone and see it's already 1pm. A stream of texts from Jared talking about his "jam session" last night at one of his new buddies' basement studios flood your lock screen. He still hadn't even acknowledged the major change in your life. As you read you see he keeps mentioning his new friends' names, and while you're glad he's getting situated in his new town, you can't help but feel resentful that he's dedicating more time to them than his own girlfriend.

You're completely alone in a new city away from home for the first time and about to start a new job that can be the catalyst for your dreams– yet all he can talk about is his "music" if you can even call it that. As much as you hate how little he seems to care about you and your wellbeing, you've grown to get used to it.

You and Jared have been dating for nearly four years, and almost the entire time has been basically you caring for him and never the other way around. Whenever you talked about your dreams or passions, he would simply gloss over them and begin talking about his own goals and how he swears he's going to make it big in the music industry.

You were first attracted to him because of his ambition and big goals, but after a while it was all he ever talked about. It always felt like you were just his diary to dump everything he thought of, never a girlfriend he actually loved or cared for.

You had numerous fights throughout the years about his disinterest in anything you ever had to say and they always ended the same. You would tell him that you would like it if he cared about your life, he gets defensive saying how he does but "you know he isn't good with his words", then he would cry about how he's the worst boyfriend ever and in the end you're left taking care of him.

Whenever you tried to break up with him, he would show up to your house sobbing violently saying that he loves you and needs you and you're all he ever wanted in life and apologize for being so terrible. Things would go smoothly for a bit as he pretended to care about you then the cycle would repeat.

You did your best to show interest in his hobbies and goals, but they never aligned with yours so you found yourself struggling. You used to dream of being a musician and world-renowned singer, but you knew deep down that you needed the stability of a "proper" job. You tried to warn him to look into backup plans, but every time you did it would bounce back in your face and he would berate you for not believing in him and caring about his passions.

The cycle always repeated.

You shove your relationship issues to the back of your mind and continue getting ready for the day. Even though half of it was already gone, you knew you at least wanted to walk around the city, map out your directions to get to work before your first day tomorrow, and maybe grab something to eat somewhere.

You go to check Allison's location to see if she was busy but you saw she was out, so you know today was just going to be a "you" day. Allison texted you that she's down to get dinner on Friday after you finish work since on Wednesday she had to take her cat Kenny to a vet appointment.

Even though your boyfriend treats you like shit, it comforted you knowing at least your best friend is still around even if she's almost always busy. Despite her schedule, she always made time for you, which is more than you can say for your deadbeat Soundcloud rapper boyfriend.

You slide on a dark wash denim skirt, a white fitted top, a green and white plaid short sleeve button up, white frilly socks, and black Adidas Sambas. The concealer under your eyes is working overtime to mask the lingering exhaustion from yesterday, but some light blush and a sharp eyeliner wing helps to tie the look together. After curling your lashes and applying a couple layers of mascara to make your eyes pop, you put on a little bit of lipstick and check yourself in the mirror one last time before spraying yourself in your favorite winter candy apple body mist.

You grab your black Coach purse, toss your headphones on, and prepare to take on the city.

˖ ݁♬⋆.˚𝄞.

{ now playing: Hot in NY - Malcolm Todd }

The sun beamed brightly through the buildings, illuminating the cityscape. You look at your phone and type in the directions to Liberio Medical University. The lab you would be working at is a 15-20 minute walk, so you set off on your journey.

You were used to Marley City being cold, since the last time you visited it was for Christmas with your mom to visit your aunt that was in town. Since it was July, the heat was sweltering. You could feel the beads of sweat dotting across your forehead and dripping down your arms.

The streets were bustling with people enjoying their Sunday afternoon. Happy families sauntering down the sidewalk, children skipping along with their hands interlinked with their parents'. A dog park filled with puppies of all ages and sizes running around without a care in the world, chasing after one another and barking merrily as the sun beams through the trees hanging over the park.

Cars zip down the road, and you watch as a yellow taxi cab honks aggressively at a man on a bike darting between the lanes with seemingly no regard for his life. The faint breeze kisses your skin, sending a much needed cooling sensation along your spine.

You walk by various restaurants where groups of people munch contently on their meals, chatter and laughter filling the air between bites. The aroma of different food carts waft down the roads, and the distinct smell of freshly made hot dogs and simmering meat greets your nostrils.

Compared to the quaint suburbs you grew up in, the world feels– alive. The distinct ambiance of the cityscape is a sharp contrast to the solemn and still Sunday afternoons you were accustomed to back home. No one really walked around back in Shiganshina, and seeing everyone living in their own worlds was a comforting reminder that while the world sits still for no one, there are still moments where the world truly feels like it is yours. A subtle reminder that the world is what you make of it.

A crowd emerges from the stairs leading to the subway stations. Some were running up the stairs with a fervor, while others casually strutted up as if their legs were guiding them to wherever their hearts desired.

A woman dressed eccentrically in bright colors and flashy patterns steps onto the sidewalk, a purse hanging loosely off her shoulder where an equally cool chihuahua sits contently, basking in the sunlight with a smile on its face. The sun reflects brightly off her large black cat eye sunglasses, adding to her mysterious yet free-spirited nature.

You continue on your walk until you stumble upon the massive hospital connected to a rundown building with windows scattered along the exterior across the street. Two large dark green flags wave proudly by the glass sliding doors with "LMU" in white and blue letters. There were various doctors scattered around the doors, their white coats waving in the breeze just as proudly as the flags.

You take a second and admire the scene. You've wanted to be a doctor for years, serving your community just like Petra was training to do before she passed. A young female doctor with auburn hair looks over to you from across the sidewalk and smiles warmly. She reminded you so much of Petra– where she could've been, who she could've become if the universe didn't have other plans for her.

You don't even realize you're tearing up until a single tear drops onto your shirt. You carefully wipe your tears before your makeup gets messed up and decide to keep walking before your emotions take over.

As you traverse back home, you see Sina's Books and Beverages pull into view and Armin behind the counter. You instinctively walk in as the familiar jingle of the bells on the door greets you.

˖ ݁♬⋆.˚𝄞.

{ now playing: Yours - maye }

Armin turns around and his bright blue eyes light up as they recognize you from yesterday. "Hey! Y/n right?" He says as he makes his way to the register.

"Hi Armin! How's your day been? Seems like the cafe is a bit slower today so hopefully you haven't been too busy." You say, your eyes scanning the menu.

"It was busy in the morning but thankfully it slowed down a good bit. Means I have time to read after finishing my duties and taking care of any orders." He says as he nods towards a beige messenger bag with a Blue Exorcist manga volume slightly sticking out.

You grin, "Blue Exorcist, another one of my favorites. Rin and Yukio have been my favorites since I was a kid. Kuro is a cutie too." You pull out your wallet and show Armin a keychain of Kuro the cat grinning. His eyes widen in surprise that someone else shares one of his interests.

"Your keychains are awesome! I just have these little pins that my friends say are total chick repellant." He says, rolling his eyes and pointing to his variety of anime and cartoon based pins stuck onto his apron. You laugh and take a closer look. You see pins of various Bleach, Jujitsu Kaisen, Death Note, Noragami, and Blue Exorcist characters– but one specifically catches your eye.

"Is that a pin of the wings of freedom from Attack on Titan? That's one of my favorite shows! And for what it's worth, I don't think the pins are chick repellant, they just attract chicks with good taste." You say with a wink.

His smile widens and he chuckles softly, "You know what, yeah you're right y/n." His bright blue eyes glimmer with appreciation behind his thick black frames.

You smile back. "Alright enough yapping, I'll just get an iced vanilla latte with oatmilk please."

"Coming right up!" You tap your card on the card scanner and start to turn on your heels back towards the bookshelves before Armin stops you.

"Wait! Speaking of yapping, I wanted to apologize for Jean's behavior yesterday when he was rushing our conversation." Your stomach drops. "You know him?" You say, hesitant to reveal that you are now forced to live with him.

"Yeah he's an old buddy from high school. I moved here for college a while back and he used to always visit town along with our other friends. Don't mind his behavior he's just an-"

"An arrogant asshole?"

A deep snort escapes Armin's nose. "Took the words right out of my mouth. You know him?"

Your heart sinks as you think of an excuse. "Uh well... I just gathered his vibes based on the interaction yesterday. Seems like I was spot on." You say, pathetically laughing in hopes that Armin doesn't catch on.

He lets out a huff and hands you your receipt. "You're pretty much spot on. He's always been a bit cocky, especially since girls used to be all over him back in the day– he's a major flirt. He had an even bigger glow up and now he thinks he's unstoppable. Doesn't help that he's super competitive deep down so he's always striving to establish dominance or some weird masculine shit."

Well, that explains a lot.

"Duly noted. Thanks again Armin!" You take your receipt and make your way to the bookshelf where you put the book you were reading yesterday. You grab the book before you hear Armin at the counter call your name.

You scurry and grab your coffee and he slides a warm ham and swiss croissant across the counter towards you with a grin. "Wait Armin! I didn't order this!" You say, trying to slide it back towards him.

"It's on the house. Consider it a gift for a 'chick with good taste.'" He smiles warmly before waving and heading back to the coffee machine to finish another order.

You smile and thank him and take your book and food to a secluded beanbag in the corner. There's a small stool next to the beanbag where you set your coffee as you begin reading. You don't realize you've been singing softly along to the music until Armin shows up next to you after a while with a small stack of books in your hand.

"You have a good voice y/n! By the way, we do open mic nights on Sundays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. You should come sing here one day! People also do slam poetry or spoken word, or some people play instruments. When you're here, the stage is yours to perform however you please."

He hands you a small flyer. It reads "Sina's Books and Beverages presents Open Mic Night. Sing, speak, or play your truth! Sundays, Wednesdays and Fridays 8pm-10pm. Crowd favorite wins a $20 Sina Books and Beverages gift card."

You look up and smile at Armin who is carefully putting books away on the shelves near you. "I'm not one to sing for a crowd, but I appreciate the compliment Armin." The corners of his mouth raise slightly. "Of course y/n. I'm serious though, even if the crowd doesn't appreciate your voice, I know I certainly will. You've got talent."

You smile and before you know it he moves onto another bookshelf and continues meticulously sorting through the novels like how you saw him yesterday through the window.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚

After a couple hours of reading, you decide it's time to pack it up and make your way back home so you can physically and mentally prepare for your first day of work tomorrow. You wave goodbye to Armin and make your way out the door, listening again to the bells on the door chime behind you as the evening warmth graces your skin.

As you walk back towards your apartment, you pass by a flower shop with a massive arc built with an array of flowers surrounding the entrance, with even more flowers hanging from the awning. There is a wide variety of bouquets displayed in the window and a sign that says "Build your own bouquet– only $10".

˖ ݁♬⋆.˚𝄞.

{ now playing: Roses Montage - Elmer Bernstein }

Intrigued, you enter the establishment and the scents of the floral arrangements and dewy water drops immediately waft towards you. There are various flowers in all shapes and sizes on display all around the store, with overgrown purple willows hanging from the tall ceilings.

You take a deep breath and see a beautiful woman with thick black hair behind a counter carefully removing the leaves from the stems of some sunflowers. Her fair skin was illuminated by the sunlight flowing through the massive window stores.

She had on a white long sleeve button up paired with a long flowy black maxi skirt and a pair of pointed toe back heeled boots. Her dark droopy eyes were set intently on the bouquet in her hands, delicately working with a practiced precision like she was built for this moment.

"Hi! Welcome to Wall Rose Florist Boutique. My name is Pieck, let me know if you have any questions or need anything!" The woman calls out enthusiastically. A soft piano ballad plays faintly through the speakers by the table where Pieck was working.

"Hello! I saw the sign saying I could build a bouquet. Where can I do that?"

She brightens up and sets the sunflowers she was working on gently on the counter. "Right this way, we're doing a special where all bouquets are only $10 regardless of the flowers you choose."

She leads you to a wall of different flowers in a wide array of colors, shapes, and sizes. She hands you a small basket and points to a counter with rolls of different ribbons, tulle, and wrapping paper.

"Pick whatever your heart desires, and when you're ready you can assemble your bouquet at that table over there. Let me know if you need any help!"

You hold your basket closely and begin looking through all the flowers on display. You decide on a few pink and white tulips, daisies, and some baby's breath for filler and take them to the counter.

You meticulously arrange them and wrap them in light brown wrapping paper, and tie it all neatly with a thick white bow. You admire your work, taking in the different shades of pink and their delicate contrast to the wrapping paper, and how the white ribbon complements the scattered white tulips.

You walk up to the check out counter and hear noises from underneath the register. You glance over and see Pieck on all fours low to the ground, eyes set on the linoleum tiling under the table. She looks up at you with a gasp and quickly tries to get up, but slams her head into the corner of the table.

"Oh my gosh are you okay?" You set your bouquet on the counter and rush to the other side to check on her, carefully grabbing her hands and helping her up. Pieck rubs the top of her head and chuckles softly. "Sorry you had to see that. I dropped my scissors under the counter and I was trying to grab them."

You apologize for frightening her and make your way to the other side of the counter again before reaching into your purse for your wallet. Her eyes widen immediately at the sight of your bouquet, eyes honed in on the pink petals of the tulips. "This is beautiful! You might put me out of a job, girl!"

You blush at her flattery. "Thank you so much, I appreciate it. The flowers have all the beauty, I just tossed them together."

She smiles and flicks her hand at you, "Oh please. You're too humble for your own good." She scans a barcode and you give her some cash. She grabs a beautiful glass vase from a shelf behind her and sets the flowers inside with a bit of water and a packet of what appears to be "flower food."

"Here, since you had the misfortune of seeing me on all fours then immediately bashing my head in, I'm giving you this vase too. Plus, such a beautiful bouquet simply cannot go out without a beautiful vase to match."

Before you can even decline, she nods her head and slides the bouquet towards you. "Take it. A beautiful bouquet for a beautiful girl on this beautiful day. It's my treat to compensate for the mental image of me on the ground earlier that will probably haunt you for the rest of your life."

You laugh as you take her kind words in stride and wave goodbye as you exit the store. The sun is beginning to set as you put your headphones back on and make your way back home.

˖ ݁♬⋆.˚𝄞.

{ now playing: Strange Land - 88rising, NIKI, Phum Viphurit }

The sky radiates with orange and purple hues, casting the cityscape in a radiant glow. Families pass by you on the streets as they make their way to their various destinations, their laughter filling the air.

Shigashina is a much older and car-centric suburban region where you rarely ever see people walking on the sidewalks, much less families with young children scattered about especially as the sun was setting.

As much as you were loving your newfound freedom, a part of you couldn't help but miss your life back home. It was hectic and quite frankly traumatic most of the time, but you were comfortable with your routine and the familiar sights. Being in a new and busy area like Marley City just felt so... foreign.

Deep down, you knew that you would eventually develop a routine, make new friends, and establish a life for yourself, but only time could tell when that would happen. The people here were friendly (minus your asshole roommate), and Allison was a popular extrovert who you knew could help you connect with people along with your own social skills.

Your mind wanders as you think back to the doctors outside Liberio Medical University, and the thought of Petra makes your heart waver.

What would she have thought of Marley City? If she was in your shoes, she would've already had a whole friend group. Her confidence and social skills would've made her the talk of the town. Why aren't you more like her?

You rub your temples and take a deep breath. In the end, you weren't Petra– you were you.

Who do I want to be? What do I want for myself? How can I achieve it?

You've always been an overthinker at heart, and it seems that you have already lost sight of one of the biggest reasons you wanted to move to Marley City to begin with.

I'm here for a fresh start. I can be whoever I want to be. Hell, I could change my entire personality and no one would notice besides Allison. I am in control of my life, and it's up to me to take the reins and make the most of my time here. Mom isn't here to compare me to Petra, so I don't need to do that either.

I can just be... me.

Whoever she is.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚

You get back to your apartment and set your bouquet on the dining table. You notice Jean's bedroom door is slightly open and he's nowhere to be found, and you can't help but sigh in relief.

You hop in the shower briefly and rinse off the layers of sweat that built up during your adventure outside before heading to your bedroom and changing into a matching light pink satin pajama set.

You light a small lavender candle and glance out your window. The sun has set, and the streets are particularly quiet. You start preparing your things for your first day in the lab tomorrow, starting off with putting your planned outfit on the back of your chair.

The small wooden shoe rack in the corner of your bedroom creaks as you place your white Converse sneakers on top. You set your devices on your desk to charge so they'll be ready for work tomorrow. You pack your black shoulder bag with any necessities for work and hang it on a set of over-the-door hooks.

As you continue unwinding for the night, your stomach growls loudly and you contemplate if you should order DoorDash again or actually make food at home for once. You ponder your meal options as you open your bedroom door, where you see Jean intricately inspecting your bouquet on the table and scream, thrown completely off guard by his sudden appearance.

"Jesus fuck, Jean! How long have you been here? I didn't even hear you come home, you scared the shit out of me." You yell, catching your breath in a poor attempt at regulating your nervous system.

Jean slowly looks up from the flowers and smirks. "I'm pretty quiet... at least when I want to be." He grins slyly, raising an eyebrow.

He's wearing a pair of light washed jorts with a weathered vintage GAP t-shirt. A pair of wired earbuds are dangling slightly from his right pocket. His mullet is slightly messy, and you see his scruff is more maintained than when you saw him earlier in the morning. His snake tattoo on his bicep peeks out from the sleeve of his t-shirt, along with a few other designs scattered down his forearms.

You roll your eyes at his not so subtle dirty joke. Armin's words from earlier ring in your head. "He's always been a bit cocky, especially since girls used to be all over him back in the day– he's a major flirt." He clearly wasn't wrong.

"So... uh... your boyfriend get you these flowers?" He says inquisitively, carefully touching the petals of the tulips. His calloused fingertips twirls a stem of one of the tulips ever so slightly before he sets it back down carefully into the vase.

"No, I bought them at a flower market earlier. Now that I think about it, my boyfriend has never actually gotten me flowers." You say softly, silently cursing at yourself for revealing a flaw in your relationship that you just know he's going to make fun of you for.

"Hm... and just how long have the two of you been together?"

You let out a sigh that seems to have been brewing in your core for centuries.

"Almost four years."

Jean's back straightens up swiftly as he looks at you in shock. "Four years and he hasn't even gotten you flowers? And you call me pathetic?"

Called it.

You grit your teeth as the heat of your annoyance starts building up. "He's a good guy okay. He shows his love in other ways. I don't need flowers to know that he cares about me."

He scoffs, arms crossed over his chest like a disapproving mother. "Hm. It sounds like you're trying to convince yourself more than me."

You gulp. You hate to admit it, but he just read you like a book. You look around for a topic to shift the discussion away from your shitty relationship and see a paper cup from Sina's Books and Beverages on the counter next to the vase.

You smirk. "As if you would know anything about a relationship. Word has it that you're just a major flirt, but it seems like you can't keep a girl for the life of you, huh?"

Now it's his turn to gulp, but his demeanor switches back into its usually cocky arrogance almost immediately.

"Let me guess, Armin? Then I'm sure he also told you that I get all the girls hm? It's not my fault the ladies flock to me. I just like keeping my options open." He smirks, running his hands through his hair.

You groan and walk past him before opening up the freezer, taking out a frozen mac and cheese meal and cracking the corner open before putting it in the microwave. He strolls by next to you, towering over you as he peers through the foggy microwave window.

"Frozen mac and cheese? Are you five years old?" He laughs. "Your boyfriend probably would've sent you flowers by now if you knew how to cook."

Your jaw tightens. "Don't you have anything better to do than piss me off right now?" You say, malice dripping in your words.

He throws his hands up in defeat and lets out a small laugh. "Alright, alright. Enjoy your fine cuisine ma'am. I'm gonna go shower, I'd suggest you finish your food quickly unless you're trying to admire the scenery."

He walks into the bathroom and shuts the door behind him right as the microwave beeps. You take the small tray of mac and cheese out of the microwave, carefully holding it before you burn off your fingertips.

You set it down on the dining table, grab a bottle of water, and begin digging into your so-called "fine cuisine" while doomscrolling on your phone. You can hear the faint audio of a song playing from his phone in the bathroom over the sound of the anime edits you're watching on TikTok.

You finish your meal and make your way into your bedroom when you hear your phone ringing. You pick up and hear Jared's voice yelling over loud music from the other end.

"Hey babe! Feels like we haven't talked in forever. I'm at this sick rooftop party right now. Wait, check this out."

The call turns into a FaceTime and you see the dark skies being illuminated by a bunch of string lights surrounding the edge of the rooftop. Bodies are swarming and swaying to the sound of trap beats blaring from a distant DJ booth.

"Looks fun! Wish I could be there with you. I just ate some mac and cheese for dinner and I'm about to head to bed since I have my first day of work tomorrow morning." You say, borderline yelling even though you had no real reason too.

"I wish you were here too on God! So many cool peeps and I met these two girls who are mad chill, they fuck with your vibe heavy." He pans the camera to two brunettes. One of them has two clear plastic cups in either hand with black stirring straws near her mouth, and the other is dancing behind her with her own cup in hand.

One of the girls takes the camera and looks at you, eyes half-lidded from inebriation. "Ohh my gosh you're sooooo pretty. We should like... totallyyy hang out if you're in town." She slurs, turning to her friend and drunkenly whispering something that you feel in your heart isn't anything good before handing the phone back to Jared.

Jared takes the phone back and drunkenly yells into the microphone. "I gotta go babe, the girls were saying there's an after party that me and the boys can't miss out on. I'll talk to you later bye!" He says before abruptly hanging up the call.

Your heart sinks and you can't help but feel... envious. Jared is out living his best life, likely flirting with any random girl that he meets, and you are nothing but an afterthought to him. You wouldn't be surprised if he only called you to make you jealous.

When you first started dating, he had a lot of friends that were girls and whenever you brought up your concerns, all he did was dismiss your feelings and tell you that "it's easier for him to befriend girls" and that you're "being dramatic."

You learned over time to just suck it up and accept that that's just his personality and he doesn't have any ill intentions, or maybe that's just what you convinced yourself.

As you sigh and tuck yourself into bed, Jean's words flash in your mind–

"Your boyfriend probably would've sent you flowers by now if you knew how to cook."

Your mind begins to race.

˖ ݁♬⋆.˚𝄞.

{ now playing: idontwannabeyouanymore - Billie Eilish }

If I could cook, he would love me.

If I was just more passionate about his interests, he would love me.

If I wasn't such a mess, he would love me.

If I were prettier, he would love me.

If I were a better person, he would love me.

If I were someone worth being proud of, he would love me.

He would love me, if I was never me.

The thoughts get louder and louder and you press your palms to your ears to drown out the noise plaguing your mind to no avail. You were never good enough for your mother, for your community, and now you're not even good enough for your own boyfriend.

Tears well in your eyes and you look at the mirror, immediately disgusted with the woman looking back at you. You've spent almost your entire life hating yourself. You worked hard to build your exterior, to come off as confident and empowered as possible. All of it being a front to show people that you were worthy of living– but the cruel reality is that it was all fabricated and bound to come apart.

You eyes lock onto the eyes of your reflection, red and swollen with malice and despair. Tears stained your soft pink pajamas, dark splotches scattered along the fabric. Your damp hair dried weirdly and there were strands sticking out around the top of your head, almost looking like the horns of a devil.

You pry your eyes away from your reflection and crawl into bed, the tears flowing as they fall helplessly onto your pillow. You turn the lights off and sob as quietly as possible– your mother's words booming throughout your mind.

Stop fucking crying. You're always crying for no reason. You want to cry so badly? I'll give you a damn reason to cry.

The air feels tight, and the walls feel like they're pressing in, smothering you in your own despair. Your chest is tight, swarming with negativity heavy like smoke that seems to be filling your lungs more than oxygen. Your shoulders were tense with agony, aching with misery that had nowhere to go but deeper into your soul.

You curl into fetal position and tuck yourself under your blankets. You wipe your tears on your comforter and start trying to calm yourself down before your conscience fully suffocates you.

I'm okay. I'm in a new town now. I can be who I want to be. I can change. I can be better. I will be better. I can make them proud.

I will be okay.

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@itsthebeehere on Wattpad, AO3, and TikTok <3

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Chapter Text

Surprise! Double chapter update ;D

I hope you guys enjoy it! I had a fun time writing this one LOL

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Monday, July 7th

beep... beep... beep...

7:30AM

You roll over in bed and look over at your phone, disgusted with your alarm disturbing your much needed rest. You reach to flick your light switch on and get blinded almost instantly.

A deep groan emerges from the depths of your soul as you slowly sit up in your bed. Waking up gracefully was never your strong suit, but a person that wakes up "beautifully" isn't someone to be trusted.

Your eyes catching on the tears stained on your pillowcase as your heart sinks from memories flooding in from last night. Jared and his newfound "friends" in New Eldia, the after party that those girls said he just couldn't miss, his overall lack of interest in your wellbeing, Jean's comments about your pathetic love life.

You shake your head in an attempt to push the thoughts away. Today's a new day, and more importantly your first day of work. Another opportunity for a fresh start.

You groggily get up from bed and look out the window to see the sun starting to rise. There are a few people in business attire hustling down the street, some morning joggers in expensive looking matching sets, and a couple families with young children in strollers making their way towards the Japanese market below your apartment.

You don't need to go into work until 9AM, but you'd rather be up extra early and have time to grab a coffee before going in than rushing to work. You yawn and open your bedroom door to make your way to the bathroom when you see Jean already in the kitchen.

˖ ݁♬⋆.˚𝄞.

{ now playing: MUTT - Leon Thomas }

His typical ashy-brown messy mullet was combed back neatly, with the longer parts of his hair tucked delicately behind his ears and grazing his upper neck. He had on a form fitting white button up layered underneath a navy suit jacket. His shirt was tucked neatly into a pair of matching navy trousers, and he had black socks peeking out from his black dress shoes. A black leather belt sat snugly against his lower waist. His facial hair was groomed neatly, emphasizing his sharp facial features and even sharper jawline. His narrow eyes were honed in on the dishes in the sink.

You could hear Leon Thomas playing softly from his phone on the counter. He was humming along quietly while he washed his dishes in the sink and placed them on the drying rack. The faint smell of bacon and black coffee lingers throughout the kitchen, mixing with his vanilla and cedarwood cologne in a surprisingly pleasant way.

You take a second to take in the man who looked nothing like his usual messy "jorts and a t-shirt" attire and have to physically lift your jaw as you take in the stark difference in appearances.

"She said take your time... what's the rush? I said baby I'm a dog I'm a mutt..."

He sang quietly to himself. You couldn't help but feel hypnotized. His voice was low and sultry, his hands moving carefully as he scrubs his dishes.

You snap out of your embarrassing trance with a shake of your head before rubbing the crust from your eyes and yawning to signal your presence.

"Didn't strike you to be a Leon Thomas fan. I'm shocked." You say, arms crossed across your chest. Your pink silk pajamas crease slightly under your arms and around your waist as you lean your shoulder on your doorframe.

He jumps, being startled out of his own little trance and turns to look at you. His eyes scan you up and down before his lips settle into a faint smirk. "Hm. And you look like shit. Seems like only one of us is starting off our day surprised."

You roll your eyes and flatten out the creases on your pajamas. "Whatever, asshole. It's like 8 in the morning. I need to use the bathroom and get ready for the day, you done?"

He tilts his head faintly towards the bathroom. "All yours sleeping beauty, I'm heading out anyways. Some of us have jobs, you know." He says sassily, wiping his hands on a dish towel hanging off the handle of the oven.

You grit your teeth, "I have a damn job Jean. Why the hell do you think I'm up this early? To go fucking fishing?"

A quiet huff escapes his nose in amusement before his eyes lock onto you, particularly at the dark circles and puffiness surrounding your eyes as a result of your anxiety attack last night, and you can't help but notice his gaze softening slightly.

You see him bite his tongue and hold back another snarky remark. "Looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today huh? Good thing today's a new day." He says lowly, avoiding your gaze as he reaches for a briefcase on the floor by his feet. Is this his attempt at being... comforting?

Oh God... did he hear me crying last night?

You watch as he checks his disgustingly expensive looking watch set snugly against his left wrist and makes his way to the front door of the apartment. "Have a good day y/n, don't miss me too much." He smirks and winks at you before walking out. The door closes shut with a "click" as you feel a wave of relief wash over you.

Your legs drag you to the bathroom, each step feeling heavier and heavier as the memories from before you knocked out last night flash in your mind. You wash your face, brush your teeth, and get yourself all cleaned up and ready then go back to your bedroom. You add a light amount of makeup using a small round mirror with a built-in ring light to hide any remaining traces of your mental breakdown last night.

You checked your email and saw an email from your new boss saying that since you're working in a research lab, you have to wear long pants/skirts and closed-toed shoes but otherwise the dress code isn't very strict. They also mentioned someone will meet you in the front of the building to check you in since you haven't received your ID yet.

You put on the outfit you prepared last night– a pair of black loose trousers with thin gray stripes, a fitted black short sleeve shirt, and your favorite comfy white Converse sneakers. Not too try-hard or overly professional, but still put together enough to hopefully make a good enough impression.

You grab your bag and make your way out the door, making sure to lock it behind you. The morning air is warm and slightly humid, and there were far more people on the street than when you looked out the window when you woke up.

You stroll into Sina's Books and Beverages and see Annie behind the counter cleaning up the coffee grinder. You walk up to the counter and smile, and she gives you a faint nod of acknowledgement in return. Your eyes wander around the coffee shop in search of her blond-hair blue-eyed male counterpart.

"Hey Annie, Armin not working today?" You ask, glancing around at the morning rush. A rosy tint spreads across her pale cheeks. "He's um... he's working the afternoon shift."

You didn't really know Annie like that besides just seeing her working with her typical stoic exterior, but seeing her get flustered over Armin's name like that makes you grin.

"Don't sound so disappointed now." you coo, watching her blush even harder as she punches your usual order into the system. "I-it's not like that! We're just good friends, pretty sure he's not interested in me if that's what you think. We're like polar opposites." She says with her head pointed down slightly almost in disappointment.

"What? You're a beautiful girl, there's no way he wouldn't be. Plus I'm a sucker for a friends to lovers trope so I'm rooting for you." You grin as she hands you your usual. "You know what they say, opposites attract." You wink and make your way out of the coffee shop.

You hear her huff slightly in amusement as the bells on the door jingle behind you. You sip on your perfectly crafted latte and wave goodbye before popping your earbuds in and begin your commute to work.

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{ now playing: Outside - Weston Estate }

You bop to the music, walking in tune with the beat. Since it's summer, you see crowds of children out and about since school is out of session. As you pass by a playground and an old church, you see a group of kids in matching summer camp t-shirts huddled by the swings howling in laughter.

You smile, reflecting back on your youth. You and Petra used to always go to various summer camps as children. Looking back on it now, you were pretty sure your mom just signed you up for them so she didn't have to deal with you at home, but you were happy to be out of the house anyway.

A tall man with shaggy blonde hair and a matching beard was standing next to a big white bus, hands clasped tightly around a small wooden clipboard. The reflection of the morning sun caught in his thick circular framed glasses. He calls out to the children on the playground and they all line up neatly as he calls each of their names before they hop onto the bus.

Their backs read "Marley Mini-League Baseball" in red bold font that stands out against their white t-shirts. The man had a matching shirt that had "Zeke Jaeger - Coach" embroidered on one of the sleeves.

"Coach Zeke! I left my water bottle on the playground, can I go get it?" A child whines, looking up brightly at the blonde man. He pushes his glasses up with his finger and nods, watching the child run back to the playground and return to the bus with a dark green metal water bottle.

Your heart warms up seeing all the kids happily boarding the bus, excited conversations bouncing around as their innocent voices fill the air. It feels like yesterday that you were just a kid too, happily talking with Petra and her friends at summer camp before the world showed you just how cruel it could be.

You approach the LMU entrance and see more doctors and various personnel hustling in and out of the building. You check the time and see it's still only 8:50AM, but the person from your lab coming to retrieve you wouldn't be down until 9AM.

You take your time finishing your coffee and calming your nerves before tucking your earbuds back into their case. It's your first day at work, and you wanted to make a good impression. Deep down, you knew you had nothing to worry about. You're a dedicated and accomplished scholar, and the research topic is near and dear to your heart so you knew you had the passion to succeed.

But regardless of how assured you were in your abilities, you couldn't help but feel scared.

What if I mess up and they fire me? What if I don't meet their expectations? What if everyone in the lab ends up hating me?

The thoughts rumble in your mind, plaguing your thoughts and making you sweat. You're lost in thought when a low and stern voice calls out your name through the voices in your head.

You look up and see a short man with short jet black hair parted down the middle staring at you, his dark gray eyes narrowed as he peers into the depths of your soul. His hair just slightly covered his eyes and his forehead, making him look even more intimidating and mysterious.

You gulp nervously. "Hi! Yes, that's me!" You run your hands down your shirt and pants in a pathetic attempt at smoothing them down to look more professional. You extend your hand, but he just looks at it with disgust and lifts the strap of his black messenger bag higher up on his shoulder before he turns around.

"Tch. Let's go." He turns towards the entrance and you toss your empty coffee cup into a garbage can on the sidewalk before running after him and entering the building.

He approaches a security desk and mumbles something to the security guard and tilts his head towards you before flashing his ID. The guard looks at you and him and nods his head towards the entrance. You follow the dark haired man through a labyrinth of hallways and into an elevator where he presses the button to go to the 5th floor.

The man had a white button up tucked neatly into a pair of dark gray dress pants. He looked incredibly well put together, and you couldn't help but admire him. The elevator dings and the doors open, and before you know it you're chasing after him through another myriad of hallways.

He may be short, but holy fuck he's fast as shit. You think to yourself, catching up to him as he approaches a door labeled "Room 501". There's a sign with "Titans Only!!!" poorly written in black sharpie, and you laugh slightly before the man shoots you a glare that makes you instinctively shut your mouth.

You enter the lab and on your right is a large administrative office. Next to it are two secluded offices that you assume are your bosses' offices. There's a narrow hallway with rows of lab benches along the right past the two offices. On the left are small hallways with various freezers, a sink with neatly organized glassware and freshly washed laboratory supplies, and a large walk-in freezer with an array of laboratory reagents.

{ a diagram of the lab layout made by me for your imaginative convenience... I'm not a graphic designer ok I just had a vision. }

The short dark haired man hands you a fresh white lab coat from a cabinet and a sharpie to write your name on the tag. You quickly scribble your first and last name and throw the coat on as you scurry towards the man putting his own lab coat on.

As you're taking in the environment, a tall androgynous figure with thin wire glasses flies out of one of the offices. Their cherry brown hair tied messily in a ponytail, which swings with enthusiasm as they approach you.

They're wearing a gray v-cut t-shirt covered in stains underneath a white lab coat, and a pair of thick goggles hang loosely from their neck. Their light wash jeans are equally covered in miscellaneous stains, one of them being a coffee stain that seems permanently embedded in the fabric.

They make eye contact with you, eyes frantic behind the lenses of their glasses. "Oh! Are you the new hire? Y/n yes?" They say, looking at you eagerly.

"Hi, uh yes that's me. Are you-" You say sheepishly, taken aback by their energy.

"Amazing! I'm Dr. Hange Zoe, you can just call me Hange. We're all family here anyways!" They run up to you and shake your hand before looking over at the man that led you up here.

"I see you've met Levi here. He's the lab manager, but we call him captain since he's the one keeping us all in check. Even though I'm the boss." They say, jokingly saluting to him and laughing as he rolls his eyes and walks away towards one of the lab benches with a faint "tch.".

"Come to my office, let's have a chat." They lead you into one of the offices and sit down at their desk. You take a seat at one of the desk chairs tucked in the corner of the room and take out your small notebook to take any notes.

"So as I'm sure you're aware, the lab here studies the effects of early childhood trauma on neurodevelopment and mental health in adults. Things like war, famine, poverty, other traumatic experiences can directly alter your brain development which can make one more susceptible to mental conditions such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, all sorts of fucked up shit. Oops! Pardon my French." They laugh loudly, leaning back in their office chair and tossing their feet up on their desk.

You're slightly taken aback by their language, but it also makes you a lot more comfortable knowing they're not as strict and terrifying as the lab manager that brought you up here. They ramble on, and you scribble some notes about the lab objectives, what to expect, and any other random facts and tidbits that might be important.

"With that being said, what brings you to this lab? Your resume is spectacular, but no one chooses to study such depressing shit without having a reason." They say, leaning their elbows on the desk and settling their head in their palms, looking at you curiously.

"Uh well... my dad abandoned the family when I was a kid, my mom didn't treat me very well throughout my upbringing, and my sister died when I was in high school... so safe to say I know a good bit about fucked up shit happening and how that can mess with your head. I found this lab because I was doing research on my own messed up mind and wanted to learn more about the mechanisms behind the mental health problems as a result of trauma."

You awkwardly laugh before realizing you just cussed in front of your new boss. Even though they are clearly comfortable with foul language, you still feel a bit guilty for not maintaining a professional front. You also had just basically trauma dumped on your boss, which was not how you were expecting your first day of work to start off.

They howl with laughter at your response. "Perfect! You'll fit in great here. I'll have someone give you a tour of the lab. There's a bunch of training seminars and quizzes you have to do before you can actually start working fully in the lab. No need to rush though, they can be a bit... overwhelming." They stand up and you follow them into the hallway.

A girl with short dark black hair approaches you from the front entrance of the lab. She's wearing a grayish button up tucked into a pair of dark gray dress pants being held up by a thin black belt with silver hardware. She has a small black shoulder bag hanging off her shoulder, and a cup of coffee in her other hand.

"Oh Mikasa, perfect! This is y/n, she just joined the lab and today is her first day. Could you give her a quick tour of the lab and show her how to access the required training? Her desk will be the one right behind yours."

Mikasa looks over to you and you smile awkwardly and wave. She nods and Hange runs off in the other direction, yelling about how they need to check on "Sawney and Bean" before you could say anything.

"Sawney and Bean?" you ask Mikasa, tilting your head in confusion.

"Yeah, two of the research mice here. Hange rescued them from the subway after they saw them fighting over an abandoned slice of pizza on the train track and thought that they 'perfectly represented early life trauma' or something like that. They're a bit... unorthodox... if you couldn't tell by now." You let out a chuckle, and Mikasa smiles faintly in return.

"Don't tell the ethics committee though. Levi is the main reason the lab hasn't been shut down yet." Mikasa says with a small smile as she awkwardly rubs her hand behind her neck.

You laugh and pinch your thumb and pointer finger together and run them across your lips. "My lips are sealed, don't worry. Based on your explanation though, I think they just wanted to keep them as pets if I'm being honest."

She laughs softly and silently agrees. Mikasa gives you a quick tour of the lab, pointing out the various freezers that belong to our lab since the entire area is shared amongst two other labs studying other things.

She leads you over to a small empty desk nook with a monitor and keyboard neatly arranged on the counter. You see her desk behind yours and see a bunch of polaroids, magazine cutouts, and tiny posters of various emo bands pinned onto the cork board of the wall. Your eyes hone in on one of the polaroids.

It's a picture of Mikasa with longer hair in a red sweater, holding two presents in her hands. On the right is a tall tan man with long dark hair haphazardly thrown in a messy bun. He was holding a black book up in his hand and smiling happily at the camera. He had on a white collared shirt loosely peeking out under a black knit sweater. On the left was a taller and paler blonde man with a full blonde beard wearing a blue button up underneath a green and white striped cardigan. He had a bottle of red wine in his hand and his round glasses shined brightly against the flash of the camera.

Wait a minute... I recognize the blonde man...

Mikasa sees you staring intently at her desk set up and comes up next to you. "That's my boyfriend Eren" She directs her pointer finger towards the dark haired man with the book. "And that's his brother Zeke." She says as she moves her finger to the blonde man.

"Is the blonde guy a camp counselor or some sort of coach by any chance?" You ask, admiring their smiles and noticing the faint outline of a Christmas tree in the back.

"Actually yeah he is! He's a baseball coach for the Marley recreational teams in the city. This picture was from one of his annual Christmas parties last year. They're always a blast. Even though it's only July, I'm inviting you so save the date." She says, nudging your shoulder and laughing quietly.

"You're too sweet. I'd love to come." You say, a smile budding on your lips. You continue looking at the photos and see an older photo of Mikasa and her boyfriend Eren, with another familiar face in the middle of them leaning his head on Eren's shoulder, arms wrapped around both of them.

"Is that Armin?!" You almost shout, immediately covering your mouth and looking around to see if anyone else heard you yelling.

"Yeah, that is! You know him too?" She says, raising an eyebrow in shock.

"Yeah! He works at a bookstore cafe near my apartment that I go to all the time. He's super sweet and we always talk about anime whenever I'm there." You say, reflecting on your interactions with him and how he was always so eager to talk with you once he realized you guys shared similar interests.

"He's always been a sweetheart. Eren and I have known him since we were practically babies. He's also the smartest guy I've ever met." She says, looking fondly at the polaroid on her cork board.

"Wait, Armin mentioned that he knew a guy named Jean. Do you know him by any chance?" You say before thinking.

Mikasa turns to you quickly, almost in shock. "Him?" She points to a framed photo of a younger looking Mikasa, Eren, Jean, and a few other unfamiliar faces. It looks like they're backstage or on some sort of movie set.

You gasp and grab the framed photo and hold it close to your face, inspecting Jean's features. He's smiling happily with his arms around Eren and Mikasa, his ashy-brown hair a bit shorter and straighter. He looked so... innocent.

"Yeah him. He looks so... different." You say admiring his youthful glow and radiant joy that is a sharp contrast to his appearance now.

"Yeah we've all known each other since we were young. Do you know him too? We were all in theater together at the beginning of high school until..." her voice trails off, a sad look embracing her face turning expressionless before you notice.

Jean... was a fucking theater kid?!

"Yeah, him. He's my roommate." You say, once again speaking before thinking.

Mikasa was taking a sip from her coffee and she almost spits it out in shock before she composes herself. Her large gray eyes bore into you with fervor.

"His roommate?! You're the girl he was talking about? He mentioned that he got paired with a random girl when he moved into his new apartment but I never would've thought I'd meet you." She says, almost slamming her coffee cup on the desk.

He... talked about me?

"Yeah that's me. Hopefully he wasn't talking too much shit about me. We didn't exactly get off on the right foot, especially considering I was expecting a girl to move into my apartment until his lanky ass showed up, so I certainly wasn't the nicest to say the least." You say awkwardly, setting the framed photo back to its original spot on her desk.

She chuckles, "He was pissed at first, I think mostly because he was as shocked as you were. Connie asked if you were hot and he just cussed him out but that's kind of on brand for them so we didn't pay much mind to it. He brushed off the conversation and switched topics before we could ask any more questions."

Connie... why does that name sound so familiar? Then it hits you.

"By any chance is Connie a DoorDash driver? Short buzzed hair, streetwear kind of style?"

Mikasa's eyes practically pop out of her head. "Damn, small world huh? I take it that you know him too? He takes up a lot of random jobs because nowhere serious wants to hire him since he keeps failing the drug tests."

You hold back a laugh and reflect back on when you met Connie. His beanie hastily adjusted onto his buzzed hair, his beige Essentials shirt waving in the breeze as he zipped away on his bike. His shitty pick up lines. The faint smell of weed wafting off him as he handed you your pizza.

Explains a lot.

"I ordered a pizza on Saturday after I moved into my apartment and he was the one that delivered it. I shared some with Jean but he was complaining that he didn't eat 'cheap shit like Pizza Hut' but I forced his ass to eat some anyway so I could talk to him." You say, rolling your eyes as you remember the moment.

Mikasa scoffs with half amusement and half disbelief. "Jean has loved Pizza Hut since we were young. He always got the three cheese pizza and him and Eren used to always fight over the last slice. He was probably trying to put up a front to seem 'cool and mysterious' or whatever the hell he wants to be perceived as. He's pretty cocky and arrogant up front but once his walls are down he's a lot sweeter than you think he would be."

You nod slowly as you take in the new information. Jean was a happy go lucky theater kid that had a glow up and now he's a prick... interesting.

Mikasa glances at her watch and perks up. "Oh shoot, it's already 2pm. I'm gonna go grab lunch real quick then run a few experiments. Your desk is over here and the login is written on a sticky note on the side there. Hange and Levi aren't too strict about breaks and lunch time and all that, as long as you get your work done they don't care. You can eat in the conference room or the break room since we aren't supposed to have food out in the lab. Here's my phone number in case you need me."

Mikasa jots down her phone number on a sticky note and sticks it onto the cork board behind your monitor. She waves and jogs out of the lab, the door slamming behind her with a hefty "thud".

You look at your watch and realize how quickly time passed. You didn't have much of an appetite especially considering all the lore that was just dropped on you, so you just grabbed a granola bar out of your work bag and ate in the conference room before going back to your desk and getting to work.

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You glance at the clock in the corner of your screen, eyes burning after staring at your computer for hours clicking through various training seminars and taking a few certification quizzes. Hange wasn't kidding when they said it would be overwhelming. It took you hours just to finish 3 trainings and you still had 8 more left– not to mention all the in person training seminars you still had to do along with learning how to use the equipment in the lab.

5:08PM

You stand up and stretch out your limbs, a small groan escaping your lips as you raise your arms over your head. You saw Mikasa go into one of the experiment rooms earlier and she hasn't come out since, so you decided to text her that you were leaving and head out for the day.

The sun was still up, with the summer heat immediately hitting you as you exited the building. Your eyes were still burning, and your back felt like it was stuck in a permanent right angle after sitting hunchback at your desk for a majority of the day.

The rays of the sun brightly illuminated the cityscape, and the sidewalks were packed with other people hurrying home after work to escape the heat. The streets are bustling with taxis and various cars honking aggressively at each other.

You make your way back home and you're grateful Jean isn't home from work yet. You hop into the shower and wind down for the day. You change into an old t-shirt and shorts and grab a bottle of water from the depressingly empty fridge and make a mental reminder to stop by the grocery store after work tomorrow.

You make your way to bed and throw yourself onto the comforter and turn the TV on. You turn on an episode of Nana and get nestled into bed, exhaustion waving over your body. You're getting invested into the show when you hear your phone ringing loudly on your nightstand. You groan and pause your show and see that surprisingly, Jared is calling you.

"Hey babe! How's your day been?" You ask, sinking into your sheets and lying on your side as your phone rests on the mattress next to you on speaker.

"It's been good. I went to the studio today with the boys and recorded some new beats, and I'm gonna go out tonight with some uh... friends." He says, his tone slightly off.

"Oh okay, it's Monday though so don't be out too late, you still have work in the morning right?" You say, sensing the energy change in the conversation. You can tell he's holding something back, especially by the way he said "friends".

"Uh... yeah I do. Thanks for the concern. How was your day?" He says awkwardly, his voice wavering slightly.

"Oh... um it was good. I had my first day of work today and the team is really nice. I made a couple friends over the weekend and two of them work at a coffee shop nearby so I tried to say hi this morning but only one was working but it is what it is I guess." You say, taken aback by his sudden interest in your life that he never once showed you throughout the entire time you guys had been together.

"That's cool for real." He pauses. "Look I don't know how to say this so I'm just gonna say it."

Your heart sinks.

"I think I have feelings for another girl."

˖ ݁♬⋆.˚𝄞.

{ now playing: Nothing's New - Rio Romeo }

Your ears start to ring and you can feel your heart pumping out of your chest with rage, but you attempt to quell your emotions briefly before you crash the hell out. Your blood runs cold. Your back stiffens. It feels like all the air in your lungs was violently sucked out, leaving you a hollow vessel of wrath and other emotions overwhelming your system.

"You... think?" You spit, your voice dripping with malice. Your fingers clench your bedsheets, knuckles turning white with fury.

So much for holding your emotions back.

"I don't know." He says, a little bit too calmly for your liking.

"You don't fucking know? Do I know her?" You say, your voice rising as tears threaten to spill. His silence is deafening.

"Is it one of those girls from that party you were at last night?" You say, growing impatient as you hold your breath for the answer you can feel in your bones.

"Yeah." He says softly, the smallest twinge of guilt spiking in his voice.

"Are you fucking kidding me Jared? What the hell is wrong with you? We've been together for years and you're willing to toss that aside for a girl you just fucking met?" You scream, tears welling in your eyes as you hastily wipe them onto your blanket.

"I've known her since I moved to New Eldia earlier this year babe. I don't know, she's just been there for me more than you have lately. I know you've been busy but I just felt neglected in the relationship and she's been comforting me." He says, suddenly getting defensive.

"Don't call me fucking babe. You have no right to be acting like the goddamn victim. I've been here for you ever since the start of the fucking relationship. I listened to all your rambling about your fucking music career, all your anxieties and concerns, EVERYTHING. I was the one that listened, that fucking cared." You scream, your anger bubbling over and spilling into your words.

"You never gave a SHIT about me! Not once did you ever ask or care about how I was feeling. Whenever I was anxious or depressed or stressed, you just got upset with me talking about how it stressed YOU out. Whenever I tried telling you about my interests or my goals, you pushed them aside and changed the conversation so we could talk about YOU instead. You constantly mocked me for living a life that wasn't like yours. For not having a lot of friends, for being more introverted, for caring about anything else other than your goddamn music career. This relationship was never about us, it was about YOU!" You continue yelling, not giving him a chance to interject.

"And you have the fucking AUDACITY to sit here and tell me it's MY fault that YOU feel neglected?! You never gave a shit about what I had to say! All the countless nights I spent comforting you and encouraging you to pursue your dreams. Hell you wouldn't have even met this bitch if I never encouraged you to move to New Eldia! You... you fucking traitor!" You scream, sobs tugging at your throat and pouring over your pillowcase.

You hear him clear his throat as he yells back through gritted teeth. "I couldn't tell you shit y/n! You were so goddamn depressed and anxious all the time I felt like I had to walk on eggshells around you. You're no saint either, you know that right? She was there for me while you were going through the motions of college. I couldn't tell you what was going on in my life because I knew you were going through it and I didn't want to make things harder on you."

"Oh aren't you such a fucking angel Jared, not wanting to make things harder for me. I never claimed to be a saint. Even when I was going through shit last semester, I still did everything I could to be there for you. Yeah I wasn't the best nor was I in the best headspace, but at least I didn't go and fucking cheat on you!" Your voice hoarse from the yelling and raw emotion burning your esophagus.

"It wasn't cheating y/n, I never did shit with her or anything–"

"It's still emotional cheating, dumbass. Not once during our entire relationship did I ever think to go to someone else, much less a guy, to vent my feelings about me or our fucking relationship. Plus, why the hell would I trust you? I spent years of our relationship building up the trust when it came to you around other girls. You told me you were mostly friends with girls because 'you just got along with them better' but that was a fucking lie wasn't it? God, I'm so stupid, so naive. I should've listened to my intuition years ago."

He starts to speak up but you cut him off.

"We're done Jared. We're fucking done. I don't care if you only 'think' you have feelings for her. I was never an option for you, just something for you to keep around since you're fucking terrified of being alone. You did the same thing to your ex-girlfriend before too, didn't you? Four years down the drain because I gave you the slightest bit of attention and you caught feelings for me. Look how the the cycle fucking continues. Nothing's new."

"Don't fucking say that–" He starts.

"I fucking hate you Jared. Don't ever reach out to me again. Enjoy your new life and your new girl. I hope you treat her better than me. Give me some decency and leave me the hell alone." You hang up the call and throw your phone into your bed.

Your chest was pounding now. An overwhelming sense of dread and despair wraps over you, sealing you into a bubble of paralysis. Your throat was clenched as if a noose was wrapped around it, closing off any air that couldn't make it to your lungs even if you wanted to. The faint noises of the world winding down outside fade away in a heartbeat.

Your ears are ringing so loudly, but his words blare over the noise, etching themselves into the recesses of your mind. It feels like the world is collapsing and you're left free falling in a void with no escape. Your thoughts are slipping beyond your grasp, racing so quickly you don't even know if the words in your head are even words anymore.

˖ ݁♬⋆.˚𝄞.

{ now playing: when the party's over - Billie Eilish }

You shout into your pillow, the cotton hardly muffling your broken screams. You bawl as you pick up your phone, opening your camera roll and seeing the pictures of you and Jared together throughout your relationship. Tears streamed down your face and coated your shirt.

The first picture was from the beginning of your relationship when he took you on a date to the county fair your freshman year of college before he asked you to be his girlfriend. His eyes beaming as he sat next to you on the ferris wheel at the top of its rotation. Your smile was so bright, so innocent and filled with love and admiration. Your hands are full of various prizes he won for you.

Delete.

A digital copy of a photo strip from a photobooth at an arcade back home. It was your first date since he asked you to be his girlfriend. He took you out to dinner at your favorite Japanese restaurant back in Shiganshina, then brought you to the arcade where you spent hours bouncing between games. Your competitive nature got the best of you, and you were battling him in any game you could. Before the night ended, he pulled you into the photobooth and you guys posed for 3 photos, but the last picture on the strip is him pulling you into a kiss. His hand held your cheek softly as your lips collided. Your first kiss as boyfriend and girlfriend.

Delete.

The next picture is you and Jared at an Applebees for his birthday, a place he specifically requested and you obliged even though you hated the food there and thought he deserved a better meal for his birthday dinner. A half-empty margarita glass sat delicately intertwined in your fingers. Your eyes were half open as the margarita was already flowing through your system. He had a little "Happy Birthday" hat on, smiling happily next to you with his own glass still full.

Delete.

You scroll through and delete each and every photo with him in an attempt to delete them from your memories.

If only it was that easy.

This is your first time being single as an adult. You had flings here and there throughout high school before you started college and began dating Jared. All of them meaningless in the long run like most high school relationships were.

Seems like this relationship was meaningless too.

You choked back your sobs and chugged the bottle of water sitting on your nightstand. You hastily stand up to get more water and slam your door open where you see Jean standing in the kitchen. He was still in his work clothes that you saw him in this morning, his navy blazer draped on the chair by the dining table.

His eyes widened as he saw you in your disheveled and heartbroken state. Your hair was all over the place, tear stains scattered on your old oversized t-shirt, and eyes red and puffy. The world around you was spinning, a dark haze surrounding your visual field and honed in on Jean's presence. The way he stood idly, shoulders tensed and body stiff like he just walked onto the site of a car crash and can't bring himself to pry his eyes from the scene.

You abandon all rational thought and run up and hug him.

Your arms wrap around his torso as you bury your face into his white button up as it soaks up your tears. He tenses up at first, but his demeanor immediately softens as he pulls you in and hugs you back, resting his chin on top of yours. His scruff scratches slightly as your scalp.

You wail in his arms and he holds you carefully, softly running his large hands along your upper back. His warm embrace envelops you, the faint scent of his vanilla and cedarwood cologne filling your nostrils as you struggle to catch your breath.

"Woah, hey, hey, y/n breathe. It's okay, you're okay. Breathe."

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚

@itsthebeehere on Wattpad, AO3, and TikTok <3

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Chapter Text

Tuesday, July 8th

You wake up to your alarm blaring, only exacerbating your existing headache due to the amount of sobbing the night prior. You look at your phone and see it's already 8:30AM, and you throw your comforter to the side and panic.

Oh fuck, I'm gonna be late.

You look out the window and see a dark gray overcast spanning the skyline, a humbling reflection of your own mental state. It seems like the heavens above cried with you, sharing in your anguish.

You throw on a pair of dark washed jeans and a wrinkled white button up and shove your umbrella into your work bag. You fling your bedroom door open and make your way into the kitchen where you see an iced vanilla latte with oatmilk and a warm ham and swiss croissant sitting on the table.

Your eyes widen and you leap towards the table. Next to the cup lies a pastel yellow sticky note stuck carefully onto the dining table with neat handwriting gracing the paper.

for y/n - J.K.

I never thought I'd say this, but God bless you Jean Kirstein.

You scarf down the croissant and run into the bathroom to wash your face and brush your teeth in a frenzy. You toss your hair into a sloppy ponytail barely held together with a black claw clip, not bothering with putting on any makeup since you're already running late anyways.

You throw on a pair of old black platform Doc Martins and run out the door just to immediately be greeted by the rain drizzling across the city. It usually takes you around 20 minutes to walk to work, but with your sprinting down the populated sidewalks you get to the entrance of LMU in record pace.

You take a second to compose yourself and catch your breath when you hear a familiar voice calling out your name from down the street. You look up and see Mikasa rushing towards you as she closes in her black umbrella and clips it to the strap of her black purse.

She was wearing a pair of black wide leg jeans with a form fitting long-sleeved black polo. The cuffs of the shirt were folded back, revealing a plaid fabric that matched the collar of the shirt. A sleek black watch rested neatly on her left wrist, and her black mary janes squeaked as she came to a halt in front of you. Her short black hair laid softly against her head, with tufts tucked neatly behind her metal clad ears.

She looks you up and down, taking in your messy appearance before setting her dark gray eyes on yours. You could feel your heart pounding as she read your expression, praying that she wouldn't hone in on your dark circles and frazzled appearance.

"Y/n... are you okay? You don't look too well. Did something happen?" Mikasa says, concern interwoven through her voice. Although she's pretty stoic oftentimes, you can tell she actually cares about your wellbeing despite having just met you a couple days ago.

You gulp and force a smile. "Yeah I'm okay. I woke up late and scrambled to get here before Levi ripped me apart for being late." You laugh nervously, hoping Mikasa doesn't pry further before you burst into tears.

Thankfully, she simply nods and leads you into the building before the rain worsens. You follow her through the countless hallways that your mind is too clouded to memorize as you make your way into the lab at precisely 9AM.

You set your things down at your desk and throw on your lab coat as Mikasa does the same behind you. You boot up your computer and take out your notebook from your bag as you prepare to grind through your leftover training.

Fuck Jared. I just need to focus on my work like I came to Marley City to do. He was useless anyways, I'm better off without him dragging me down.

You set your elbows on the table and dejectedly throw your head into your hands, dragging your hands down your face as your eyes peered through your fingers at the whirlwind of responsibilities on the screen.

I still can't believe I fucking hugged Jean though, like am I stupid?

You rub your eyes before pressing your fingers against your temples, letting out a long sigh as if you took a drag from a cigarette.

He did get me food though, maybe he just feels bad for me and got me a pity meal. After all, he did watch me have a mental breakdown. After work I'll just go home and relax and forget any of this ever happened...

As you log into the training course portal, you feel a hand gently press onto your shoulder, pulling you out of your jumbled thoughts as you wipe away the tears subconsciously welling in your eyes. You look up and see Mikasa, her gray eyes laser focused on your weary expression, gazing intently into your eyes with worry.

"Hey, are you sure you're okay? I know we just met yesterday, but I just wanted to let you know I'm here for you, you know that right? Like Hange said, we're family here and I know you're new to the city. I don't want you to suffer alone, and you don't deserve that." She says softly, her hand rubbing against your shoulder carefully.

Without a second thought, you burst into tears as you bury your head into your hands. Mikasa shoots back into shock then immediately pulls you into a hug. The light scent of her floral body spray encompasses you as she holds you carefully, letting your tears spill onto the collar of her shirt.

You back up quickly and look up at her as she pulls away too and scoots her chair closer to you. The cloudy skies faintly illuminate the lab through a large window between each of your desks, rain falling softly almost mimicking your tears.

"I'm so sorry, oh my gosh. I promise I'm usually more put together than this. It's just that my boyfriend and I broke up last night and it's just been a rough morning." You say, wiping the tears off your face with a sniffle.

"I'm so sorry to hear that." She looks around the empty lab before turning back to you. "Since it's Tuesday, Hange and Levi are in the other facility doing inventory all day... which means if you want to talk about it you can. I'm here to listen."

You sigh in relief knowing that your bosses won't have to see you like this, and Mikasa takes your hand cautiously and rubs her thumb across your knuckles. You take a deep breath as you begin to recount your relationship, watching as Mikasa quietly listens and nods along.

"His name is Jared. We started dating when I started college almost 4 years ago. We met in a music club on campus and bonded through our shared love of singing and making music. Things were great at first, but over time it just kind of... soured I guess." Mikasa looks at you with intrigue, her expression encouraging you to elaborate.

"We used to fight a lot about him always being so close to girls despite my concerns, and the fact that he never showed any interest in my goals or passions or honestly my entire life. Our relationship practically revolved around him, like I was barely even an afterthought. It was like he forgot to be my lover, I guess."

You choke tears as you remember the call from last night. Her hand moves from your knuckles to your cheek as she cups it in her palm, using her thumb to wipe the tears threatening to spill out. You take a second to collect yourself and steady your breathing before continuing.

"Yesterday he called me saying he developed feelings for another girl in his friend group— a girl I had suspicions about since he introduced me to her on FaceTime when he was at a party. I don't know Mikasa... It just felt like all my insecurities and intuition were right all along, and I cut him off last night before having a full mental breakdown. I hate how much it gutted me despite the fact that I knew deep down it should've ended sooner."

She nods along sadly, as if the pain and heartbreak are her own. "Then to make matters worse, I went into the kitchen to get water and Jean was there, just staring at me for what felt like forever."

Her eyes widen as you continue the story. "And I guess it was just the onslaught of emotions and I wasn't thinking rationally, but I just ran up and hugged him." She gasps, not expecting Jean to be part of the mix.

"What's even worse than that is that he fucking hugged me back Mikasa. Straight up comforted me as I just sobbed into his chest despite everything. I don't know how much he heard since I have no idea when he got home, but based on his reaction I feel like he probably heard me screaming and cussing out Jared over the phone and cutting things off." You take another deep breath before sitting forward and throwing your head into your hands dramatically.

"I don't even remember how long we stayed like that. I'm so embarrassed, like I don't know what the hell I'm going to do. I can literally never see this man again Mika, I'm so serious. I swear this is going to haunt me for an eternity. Do I just move out now? Should I flee the country? Maybe I should just kill him at this point, he's seen too much." Mikasa laughs heartily, clearly amused and relieved by your humorous change in tone.

"And I woke up this morning to breakfast on the table that he got for me but he was already gone before I could talk with him and apologize for actively crashing out in his arms. I'm so fucked Mikasa, this is so sick and twisted."

You let out a lighthearted chuckle despite your head hanging in your hands and she leans back in her chair laughing softly too. "Well that wasn't what I expected at all. But based on what I heard, I think what you need is a distraction." You gulp, unsure of what she's suggesting.

"Look, there's going to be a little hangout at Zeke's place later tonight – you know – Eren's brother? I want you to come. We're probably just going to drink a little and vibe for a bit, and I think it would be a great chance for you to get out of your head for a bit and enjoy some good food and even better company."

"Is Jean going to be there?" You ask almost instantly, heat crawling up your face.

She laughs. "I don't think so. He said he's working late today and will probably go home right after work and knock out." You sigh in relief, grateful you can postpone talking with Jean until you get your head screwed onto your shoulders properly.

"It'll just be you, me, Eren, Zeke, Armin, Annie, Connie, and Sasha and her boyfriend Niccolo. I think you're already aware of everyone except Sasha and Nic but don't worry they're great. Reiner and Bert might come by later but they're also cool so there's nothing to worry about, I promise. It's just a casual hangout so you can dress comfortably. Nic might cook and Eren might bring some snacks and maybe we'll watch a movie or play some video games. You in?" Mikasa asks, tilting her head with a small smile and her gray eyes widening like a puppy.

You nod and contemplate the idea. It's not like you had anything better to do tonight besides wallow in despair and binge watch a comfort show to distract yourself from the fact that your love life has disintegrated overnight.

"Alright alright I can't resist that face, I'm in. Do you have an address?" She perks up ever so slightly, delighted that you're coming along. "I'll text it to you, but Eren is going to pick up Armin and Annie after their shift anyways so I can have him give you a ride. Just meet up with Armin and Annie in front of Sina's at 6PM." She says, picking up her phone. Her thumbs run along her phone as she sends a quick array of texts to Eren and Armin.

"Wait. Do they know I'm Jean's roommate? And should I bring anything? I feel bad just strolling into y'alls lives and especially Zeke's house without anything to offer, you know?"

"Just bring your beautiful self, don't worry. If you're really freaked out about not bringing anything, then you could bring a bottle of wine for us girls. Zeke has a stocked bar and the boys mostly drink beer which they have a lot of anyway so it's not a big deal." She says, eyes glowing with excitement.

"Also, they know your name solely because I told them you're the new girl I'm working with now. I didn't tell them about you being Jean's roommate because I didn't know if you were comfortable with that, so you can decide whether or not to tell them tonight. Anyways, I have a couple experiments to run today so I'll let you focus on those trainings, I'll see you tonight though." Mikasa says as she rises from her desk.

You can't help but feel excited even though your nerves are certainly still racking beneath the surface. She gives you a little wave before setting off to the experiment room on the other side of the lab, leaving you at your little desk with a mountain of certification quizzes to finish.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚

You take a hearty breath in as you step outside of LMU, a weight seemingly lifted off your shoulders after your talk with Mikasa earlier. You still had a few training quizzes to finish and the in person training sessions to sign up for, but some progress is better than none especially considering how your day started.

The rain had stopped, but the skies were still dark and hazy from the rolling storms. The cool breeze graced your skin and you welcomed its relief from the blazing heat that's been looming through Marley City since you moved in.

Taking advantage of the break in rainfall, you make your way back home when you pass by a liquor store. You decide to pop in and grab a couple bottles of your favorite wine and a case of beer for the boys to ensure you get on their good side.

You trudge inside your apartment, hands filled with bags of liquor as you set them in the fridge while you get ready. The sticky note from Jean is still sitting on the table, his handwriting surprisingly nicer than you expected from a man like him. You tuck it into one of the drawers by your desk and begin getting ready for the hangout.

˖ ݁♬⋆.˚𝄞.

{ now playing: COOL GIRL - Weston Estate }

You take a quick shower and wrap a towel around your body, not worried about Jean seeing you since Mikasa said that he would be working late today. You excitedly open the doors of your wardrobe and hunt for an outfit. Your "getting ready" playlist blares loudly from your TV speaker as you dance around, swaying your shoulders to the beat and twirling around your room.

Your thoughts race through your mind over 100 miles an hour.

Mikasa said to dress comfortably and casually, but this is also my first time meeting everyone officially besides Mikasa, Armin, and Annie so I don't want to look too messy either. I also have a tendency to overheat especially when I drink so I should probably wear something breathable.

You dig around your closet and decide on a loose white graphic tee paired with white and red gingham shorts. Cute and casual enough for an hangout with new friends, but still put together and coordinated enough for everyone to not think you're a hot mess.

You do your makeup and layer on your favorite jewelry and accessories to add to the "comfy and casual but still mostly put together cool girl" vibe and slide on a pair of white ruffled socks and your white Converse.

You check your phone and see a text from Mikasa with Zeke's address and a description of Eren's car– a silver BMW with fully tinted windows. It's only 5:30PM, so you take a moment to style your hair. You bop your head along to the catchy tune playing from your phone speaker as you apply some lipgloss, the lyrics flowing from your mouth with ease.

You grab your purse, clip your carabiner to the strap, and toss any essentials you may need inside. You double check your makeup and spritz on your winter candy apple body mist in the mirror.

You hop to the kitchen and grab the liquor from the fridge and toss the bottles into a large reusable freezer bag that you sling over your shoulder before making your way to Sina's. As you approach the coffee shop, your nerves start to kick in as the excitement settles into your core.

What if they don't like me? What if they think I'm weird or annoying for joining their tight knit group all of a sudden? What if I say something awkward or drink too much and ruin the vibe? What if Mikasa only invited me because she felt bad for me?

Your overthinking floods your mind, creeping into your soul. You press your palms into your ears before shaking your head and the bad thoughts away.

She invited me because she sees me as a friend, not just some coworker she has to pity. The eagerness in her eyes earlier proves that. Plus, the way she described them shows that they're all good and chill people and I'll fit right in. Everything's okay. I'm okay. Stop overthinking it Y/n.

You look up and see a familiar set of blondes sitting on the curb outside the cafe. Armin has his classic green graphic tee with a black long sleeve layered underneath paired with tan corduroy pants and white sneakers. A backpack with dark black straps wrap around his shoulders, seemingly stuffed to the brim with who knows what.  Annie has on a pair of baggy light wash jeans and a gray crop top peeking out under a white zip up hoodie.

Annie notices you first and raises her hand slightly in greeting. Armin sees her attention diverted and begins waving ecstatically. He has a vanilla ice cream cone and Annie is holding a pink sprinkled donut, with a small brown paper bag in the other hand.

"Y/n!! Over here!" Armin yells happily. You wave back and scurry towards them, the bottles of wine clinking together as you walk with a purpose. You plop down on the sidewalk next to Annie as she hands you the brown paper bag.

"We stopped by a dessert shop after our shift ended, so I uh got you something. I wasn't sure what flavor you'd like, so I just got you a glazed donut. I hope that's okay." Annie mumbles softly, as if she was almost embarrassed to show any emotion.

You fight back tears of appreciation and happily accept the donut. "Glazed are actually my favorite, thanks!" You reach in and take a bite, the sweetness of the icing instantly filling your mouth as the sugar crystals crunch between your teeth.

I literally just met these people and they have already shown me more compassion than Jared ever did throughout our entire relationship. Jean was right, my life is pathetic.

You savor the donut as Armin rambles on about a show he's watching and Annie listens intently. "Oh y/n! Have you watched Spy x Family before? I just started rewatching it recently and it's killing me that no one else I know has watched it yet." Armin exclaims, his passion for anime radiating in his voice.

"Actually, I have! I watched it earlier this year while I was still in school. It's another one of my favorites." You say, finishing the last bite of your donut.

"Thank GOD one of our friends has taste! Annie, you need to watch it with me at some point you HAVE to! We can all debrief before the new season comes out later this year." Armin yells, practically shaking Annie by her shoulders as she blushes softly.

"Yeah Annie, you're missing out on peak television here." You say with a quick wink as you elbow her arm playfully. You quickly whisper in her ear while Armin is distracted on his phone, "sounds like a fun date to me..."

She blushes harder and jokingly pushes you with a surprising amount of strength. You regain your balance and laugh as Annie sneers at you. "Oh, by the way, where's Eren? I brought some wine and beer for everyone and I'm hoping he has space in the trunk." You say, nodding your head towards the reusable freezer bag next to you on the concrete.

"Sick, thanks y/n! He said he's like 5 minutes away... but that was 5 minutes ago so he should be here any sec-" Armin starts before a silver BMW zooms by and pulls over next to you on the curb.

A heavy metal beat blares from the speakers as a tall tan man with an effortlessly sexy man bun climbs out from the driver's seat. His piercing greenish blue eyes lock onto Armin as he grins and walks towards him. He extends his arm and Armin grabs it as he flings the poor blonde up to his feet with a concerning amount of force.

"Eren! Careful, you're gonna break my arm!" Armin yelps, composing himself before helping Annie stand up from the curb. Eren walks up to you and extends his arm to you like he did Armin, and he pulls you up from the curb with much more care.

"I take it that you're y/n? Mikasa's friend from the lab right? I'm Eren, Mikasa's boyfriend." He says, eyes digging into yours as your hands are still interlocked.

"In the flesh. By the way, I brought some wine for the girls and beer for the guys. Can I put them in the trunk?" You say, shaking his hand before pointing to the bag still sitting on the sidewalk.

Eren grins and reaches for the bag and walks towards the trunk of the BMW before a voice booms from the backseat. A bulky man with short blonde hair pops his head out of the window before opening the door and striding towards you, Armin, and Annie.

"Yo did somebody say beer?!" The blonde yells before looking at you, noticing the foreign face amongst his friends. "Oh shit, hey I'm Reiner." he says as he smiles brightly and gives you a fist bump. You smile back and introduce yourself.

"Hi! I'm y/n, Mikasa's coworker. I brought beer and wine for everyone, hopefully everyone likes it." You say sheepishly. "Hell yeah, I like you already! Eren you heard her? She brought us fuckin' beer bro!" Reiner shouts with a hand clapped on your back as Eren places the bag carefully in the trunk.

"She literally just said that you fucking himbo!" Eren yells back as he slams the trunk door shut. Reiner scoffs and flips him off as Eren sassily returns the favor.

"Wait, if it was just you and Eren in the car, why were you in the backseat Reiner?" You ask, eyebrows furrowed with confusion.

"Oh today was leg day and I needed to sprawl my legs out before I got a fuckin' cramp." He laughs heartily. He was wearing a dark gray t-shirt under a red varsity jacket with a pair of loose fitting dark gray sweatpants. He was much taller than you expected, and even though he was fully clothed you could tell that his physique was impressive.

Eren pulls the hood of his dark gray hoodie over his head and sinks into the driver's seat. "Alright everyone get in. I'm hungry as shit and Mika said Nic is cooking at Zeke's place tonight and I'll be damned if Sasha eats all the wings again."

Reiner hops in the front seat while Annie slides in the middle of the backseat, sandwiched between you and Armin. The BMW revs alive and Eren pulls away from the curb and steps on the pedal.

˖ ݁♬⋆.˚𝄞.
{ now playing: Reincarnate - Motionless in White }

Eren turns onto the highway and speeds down the left lane, swerving between cars with ease. Armin grips onto the handle above the door, eyes closed as he fears for his life with each turn. Annie sits perfectly balanced in the middle, leaning appropriately as Eren bobs and weaves down the highway. You look out the window and watch as the buildings zip by, the sun hanging low between the skyscrapers in the distance.

Eren yells along to the music as he bops his head along to the heavy beat blaring through the speakers. The bass rattles the walls of the small car, sending vibrations through your limbs. Annie is nodding her head along to the rhythm as Armin stabilizes himself, his head also moving in tandem with Annie's.

"Eren turn this shit off, you're gonna scare off the new girl with your freaky ass emo shit." Reiner yells, turning the volume down a couple notches before Eren swats at his massive hands.

"Actually, I listen to a lot of screamo and this was one of my favorite songs back in middle school. I'm a former emo kid despite what my appearance suggests. My music taste has expanded a good bit since then, but I still cling to my roots." You laugh, headbanging along slightly to the music along with Annie.

"Oh yeah? See Reiner? She's got good taste, unlike your country bumpkin ass." Eren punches Reiner in the arm and winks to you in the rearview mirror as he turns the volume up.

"Hey nothing wrong with country music either! Granted it's probably my least listened to genre besides a couple of classics for when I'm drunk singing karaoke with friends." You say, shrugging to Reiner as he looks over his shoulder to you with a fake offense plastered on his face.

"You just gotta listen to the good shit, I tried putting Eren and them on and I swear to God Eren and Connie almost beat the shit out of me. I got my AUX privileges revoked for like a week because these fuckers can't appreciate a good song." Reiner yells over the music, laughing as Eren rolls his eyes with a smirk.

"Aye don't hate the player, hate the game man. I'll listen to whatever if I fuck with it honestly." You throw your hands up and tilt your head, making eye contact with Eren through his rearview mirror who simply smirks and throws a hand up in defeat.

"Alright alright fair enough, still beats when Armin was on AUX that one time and only played anime openings for 30 minutes." Eren laughs. Armin comes back to reality at the sound of his name being mentioned.

"Hey! The Blue Exorcist soundtrack is peak and that's a hill I'm willing to die on." Armin yells with his hands gripping onto the headrest of the passenger seat.

"Okay I have to agree with Armin here, I rewatched the show recently and I'd be lying if I said the openings won't make an appearance on my Spotify wrapped this year." You yell over the music, Armin waving his hands towards you with a face that screams "see?!?" for Eren, who simply rolls his eyes at Armin through the rearview mirror, a goofy smirk gracing his face.

"Damn you're a weeb too? Never judge a book by its cover or whatever they say– oh shit wait this the best part TURN IT UP!" Eren yells as he merges onto an exit to a different highway.

"WON'T BITE MY TONGUE, I AM NOT AFRAID!" Eren screams, turning up the volume.

"SPINELESS, A DOMINION OF NOTHING IS ALL YOU WILL REIGN!" Annie and Armin yell. You turn your head in shock towards the duo, not expecting either but especially Armin to sing along.

"YOU LAUGH BUT WHAT DID YOU CREATE?" You scream, hands gripping the driver's seat headrest as you put your entire soul into the lyrics.

"BITCH! YOU GIVE A FUCKING ASPIRIN A HEADACHE!!!" The four of you yell in harmony as Reiner just accepts his fate and sinks into the passenger seat, rubbing his temples dejectedly with a faint smirk to show that he's having a good time regardless of the music blasting.

Your eyes trail out the window yet again as you and the group laugh along and continue listening to music throughout the drive, the weight of your worries of not getting along with Mikasa's friends lifting off your shoulders.

There's a river on the right side of the highway that's merely a blue blur as Eren zips along the concrete. The sun is in the earliest stages of its descent, with amber hues filling the skyline and golden shimmers dotting the windows of the passing skyscrapers.

The evening is young, laughter is filling the air, and there's good music and even better company. Maybe Mikasa was right, a distraction is just what you needed.

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚

Eren's car rolls to a stop in front of a cozy home with a white shutter exterior. A large porch lit brightly with string lights calls to you as everyone hops out of the car. Eren pops the trunk open and you grab your bag of alcohol and hoist it onto your shoulder. The suburban scenery is a stark contrast to the hustling city life you've started to grow accustomed to.

You get struck with nerves once again as you realize what you're in for. Just a couple days ago you were completely new to the city, knowing no one except your one childhood friend on the opposite side of town and your new disgustingly attractive but arrogant roommate. Now, you have a new group of friends and you're at their house to drink and have a great time.

Minus 1 boyfriend, plus like 8 friends. Not too shabby. You think to yourself, a bittersweet sensation filling your heart.

Reiner opens the door as everyone piles into the kitchen. A tall man with wavy blonde hair and a messy apron stands at the counter as a girl with a messy brown ponytail wraps her arms around his torso from behind, stealing bites from a big bowl of homemade spinach and artichoke dip. Her eyes widen when she sees you enter and she jumps from the blonde and runs up and hugs you.

You drop the bags carefully and hug her back, shocked at her incredibly friendly nature. "Are you y/n?! It's so nice to meet you! I'm Sasha, and that's my boyfriend Niccolo!" She says as she points to the chef.

He awkwardly smiles and waves back with one hand as the other diligently spreads the steaming spinach dip into a dish. "You can just call me Nic. You're the new girl at Mikasa's lab right? Mikasa said you're super chill. We're glad you joined us! I made some wings and I just finished up this spinach dip."

You look at the exquisite array of wings and chips as he sets the steaming spinach dip on the kitchen island behind him. Your mouth waters as you take in the view, coming to the humbling realization this is your first real meal since moving to Marley City.

"Hi! Yes I'm y/n, it's so nice to meet you guys! Mikasa told me a lot about you guys and I'm grateful that y'all are so welcoming. I brought some wine and beer for everyone, is there space in the fridge for me to put them in?" You say happily, holding up the bag of alcohol.

Sasha squeals and hugs you again. "You brought wine? I love you." She declares as she grabs your shoulders, an infectious smile creeping onto her lips. "Hey! What about me? I'm the one that made the food you've been picking at all evening." Nic yells, gesturing to himself with his hands up.

Sasha laughs and plants a soft kiss on his cheek, a faint rose color plastering itself on Nic's face. "Thank you for the food baby, but you should know the real way to a woman's heart is wine." She jokes, winking at you as you nod along in agreement.

"Alright lovebirds, let's move the yapping to the basement and eat, I'm starving." A familiar female voice coos. You look up the stairs and see Mikasa in a strappy white cropped tank top and black sweatpants hanging low on her waist, showing off her lean and toned physique. Her short hair was slightly messy, as if she had just woken up from a nap.

"Mikasa!" You yell, wavily happily as she strides down the stairs. Mikasa sees you and hops down the stairs, hugging you tightly. "I'm so glad you made it." Mikasa leans in and whispers into your ear, "You feeling okay?"

You nod and smile as you whisper back, "I'm feeling a lot better, everyone's been so nice and welcoming and it's been amazing. Thanks again for inviting me. Also I brought some wine and beer for everyone."

She smiles softly and thanks you before making her way into the kitchen. You follow her and help bring the trays of wings down to the basement. The basement matches the cozy and warm vibe as the rest of the home. There's a mini-bar tucked in the corner of the basement with an assortment of fancy whiskey and wine glasses on display.

You see a large circular dining table in the middle of the room where you place the trays down with Mikasa. Couches in various colors and fabrics are placed meticulously throughout the basement, with mismatched throw pillows scattered amongst the seating. There's a flat-screen TV in the seating area, with soft jazz playing from the speakers.

Different acoustic and electric guitars hang proudly from the walls alongside countless art pieces— some vintage and some more modern but all somehow cohesive. Arrays of string lights and homey vintage lamps brighten up the basement.

"Whoever decorated the place knows what the hell they're doing, this is beautiful." You mumble to yourself, looking around at the picturesque interior design in awe.

"Thanks sweetheart, I've been told I have a knack for interior design."

A voice from behind you says smugly. You whip your head around and see the familiar looking tall blonde man, his round glasses reflecting the warm lighting of the cozy basement. He's leaning his shoulder in the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest with a proud expression. He has on a faded white t-shirt that says "Coach of The Year" with a pair of baggy plaid pajama pants.

"It's amazing! I feel like I'm in a real life Pinterest board. I can't imagine how long it took to curate the place." You turn and walk up to him, eyes beaming with awe. He takes your hand gently and kisses the top of your knuckles gently, "I appreciate it. I'm Zeke by the way, Eren's older brother. You must be y/n. I heard a newcomer was joining us today and there's no way I would forget a face like yours."

You blush softly and laugh, "That's me. It's nice to meet you Zeke. Thank you for allowing me into your beautiful home. Your house literally feels like a dream." He smiles and is about to say something when another voice juts into the conversation.

"Leave her alone, Zeke. She doesn't want your ancient ass." Eren's voice booms from the bottom of the staircase. You look towards the sound and see Eren in his hoodie and sweatpants, arms raised above his as he adjusts his man bun.

"I'm simply getting acquainted with your new friend Eren, no need to get your panties in a twist." Zeke laughs, and Eren rolls his eyes. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a pack of cigarettes. "I'm going outside for a smoke, but feel free to make yourself at home. There's a fully stocked bar in the corner by the food, so help yourself."

You nod with appreciation as he waves and opens the sliding door to the backyard. "C'mon, let me give you a quick tour before everyone piles down here." Eren says as he stands proudly next to you with his hands tucked into his pockets casually. You walk with him as he points out the seating area, a small in-home movie theater, and a large backyard with a beautiful garden and massive oak tree.

"I feel like I'm in a movie Eren, this house is literally stunning." You say, taking in the ambiance of the perfectly curated home. He laughs and starts opening a door down the hallway, "You haven't even seen the best part yet."

The door swings open to reveal a beautiful garage music room. More guitars line the walls, some vintage while others look newer. A cherry red drumset sits by the wall, the light reflecting off the metal brightly as if they've just been cleaned and polished. An electric keyboard sits in the corner next to a set of cymbals. Two massive jet black amps are placed by the electric keyboard with another keyboard across the drums.

Your jaw drops, and Eren snickers at your awestruck expression. "It's sick isn't it? We do jam nights every week where everyone comes over and we just vibe out, you should come to the next one." Eren says, looking down at you with a smile.

"Oh my gosh Eren, that sounds so fun, but I can't possibly just intrude in y'all's traditions like that. I'm just an outsider. Plus I can't even play any instruments." You say shyly, looking down at your socks before gazing back up at all the instruments, daydreaming about what everyone's talents are and how lucky you are to meet other people who love music as much as you.

"Hey you're no insider now, you're one of us. Also, I heard you singing in the car earlier– you've got a hell of a voice and jam nights are the perfect opportunity to let it shine." Eren says with a comforting hand on your shoulder.

"Okay okay fine you convinced me, I'm in." You say with a chuckle, trying to play off your embarrassment before Eren notices. "Fuck yeah, I'll let Mikasa and the group know. Our next one is this Saturday, I can give you a ride along with Armin and Annie like we did today if you want."

You agree as Eren shows you his favorite guitars before Sasha's peppy voice calls out from the other room. "Eren! Y/n! Get your asses over here, it's dinner time!"

You and Eren make your way to the room and Sasha hands you both a paper plate and napkins. The trays of wings and chips and spinach dip already have a dent in them, and based on Sasha's messy plate you can assume who already started eating.

You, Eren, Armin, Annie, Mikasa, Sasha, and Nic take turns filling your plates and arrange yourselves at the dining table. You take a bite of the savory wings and your eyes instantly light up.

"Good, right? Nic is one of the best chefs I've ever met. It's no wonder he works at a Michelin star restaurant." Sasha says happily, nudging Nic's arm as he gets flustered by his girlfriend's praise.

"These are the best wings I've ever had, and I'm not just saying that because it's my first real meal since moving here." You exclaim, fingers coated in barbecue sauce.

Sasha's eyes practically pop out of her head. "Wait when did you move to Marley City? Actually scratch that, I want your full lore. Fuck small talk." You laugh and glance over at Mikasa across the table who only gives you a "that's how she is, get used to it" look.

"Well I lived in Shiganshina my whole life, graduated college a couple months ago, then got a job at LMU in the same lab as Mikasa. I moved in on Saturday and had my first day of work yesterday." you state, wiping your fingers and mouth on the napkin Sasha handed to you.

Reiner comes down the stairs with the chilled beers and wine bottles. "Can't forget the best part of the– HEY YOU GUYS STARTED EATING WITHOUT ME?!" He shouts, setting the drinks on the table.

"Hey it's not our fault you take 3-5 business days to take a shit Reiner." Eren says snarkily as Reiner just groans and plops down between Niccolo and Eren.

Everyone laughs and the boys each grab a beer, while you and the girls take turns filling one another's wine glasses. "Let's make a toast, to new friendship and to y/n! Welcome to Marley City!" Sasha chants as the group cheers over the sound of the glasses clinking.

You take a hearty sip, the warm bittersweet flavor encapsulating your mouth and running down your throat. The chatter and conversation flows smoothly when another familiar face flies down the stairs and runs towards the dining table yelling over the sound of their footsteps thudding against the hardwood floors.

"Y'all better have saved some wings for me because if Sasha's fat ass ate them again I'm squaring up. I swear on my momma bro."

"Connie!!! Where the hell have you been, loca?" Sasha yells happily, standing up and pulling him into a headlock and messing with his short hair. He shoves Sasha off of him before shuffling his hands over his hair and grabbing a plate.

"I took a last minute DoorDash order because the tip was fat and rushed here as soon as I could. I'm fucking starving." Connie says, piling the wings on this plate before sitting down next to you. "I'll show you a fat tip..." Eren mutters under his breath as Mikasa punches him in the arm, clicking her tongue and saying his name like a disappointed mom.

He begins feasting when he sees you and looks you up and down, barbecue sauce slathered across his face. "Wait I recognize you... you're the girl I delivered a pizza to on Saturday! Thank the heavens I get to see your fine ass again, how are you doing mi corazón?"

Everyone looks at you and Connie dumbfounded, surprised at the coincidence. "I'm good Connie, it's good seeing you again. Here, I brought beer and wine for everyone. Sounds like you need one" You laugh, taking another sip of your wine as the buzz begins to set in. You slide a bottle to Connie as he graciously accepts it.

"As if you couldn't get more perfect, holy fuck. I'd say I'm in love but I know you got a man so let me hold my tongue." Connie says, popping the lid off with ease and taking a massive swig. Your heart drops, forgetting that you told Connie that you had a boyfriend when he was throwing pick up lines at you Saturday.

"Actually... we broke up yesterday." You say softly with your head hanging low. The table goes quiet for a millisecond before Connie speaks up. "Well he's a fucking idiot for letting a girl like you go. Fuck that dude, you got us now and we're way cooler." He says, holding his beer up as everyone nods and mumble in agreement.

You laugh and tap your glasses with everyone else's drinks in the air. "Agreed. Thanks again everyone for having me, my time in Marley City has been amazing thanks to you guys." Everyone smiles as the conversation continues flowing effortlessly.

"Wait y/n! What part of town are you living in?" Reiner asks, finishing his beer and grabbing another one. Everyone's eyes turn to you in interest.

"Upper east side! Near the cafe where Annie and Armin work at." You say casually, dropping a hefty spoonful of spinach dip onto your plate.

"Oh shit that's near where Jean's living now! Shame he isn't coming tonight though, I feel like you guys would get along." Reiner replies casually, completely unaware of the situation. Your heart drops at the mention of Jean's name, and Mikasa flashes you a glance of concern.

"Well about that... we're roommates actually." You say awkwardly, avoiding eye contact with your head focused on your plate. Connie and Sasha spit out their drinks in sync as everyone but Mikasa looks at you in shock. Their stares burn into your skin, making you heat up more than the wine is already responsible for.

"Holy shit, you're the girl he said he got randomly assigned with." Eren laughs loudly. Reiner's jaw is practically hitting the floor.

Armin and Annie share glances of shock. He whispers in her ear just barely audible to everyone else. "Wait. Is that why he got an iced vanilla oatmilk latte and a ham and swiss croissant this morning? He said he just wanted to try something new, but he got it for..."

Armin's and Annie's heads turn slowly over to you. You can practically hear the gears churning in his brain, every neuron firing in his head sounding like a gunshot to your heart as you realize what you just admitted to.

Sasha leaps from the table and shakes your shoulders excitedly. "Oh my gosh, this is the craziest shit I've ever fucking heard. What's it like living with him? Tell me, tell me, TELL ME!!!" she shouts.

"Well to be honest we've barely interacted especially since we just met, and when we do it's more so just us bickering. He's one of the cockiest, sassiest motherfuckers I've ever met. The damn sassy man apocalypse is real and he's patient zero." you spit out, memories of all your interactions with Jean flashing in your mind.

The group erupts into laughter. "Sounds about right. Don't worry, he'll mellow out eventually once he gets used to you. He's a dick at first but once he gets to know you he's actually a lot nicer than you think, better than Eren at least." Connie laughs as he punches Eren in the arm who returns the favor with much more force.

"Yeah if I'm being honest we didn't start off on the best foot. My mom and I were unpacking and he just kinda spawned in the apartment with his mom. I could tell he was just as shocked as I was that we were assigned as roommates, so safe to say I wasn't the nicest to him." You say, your hands rubbing the back of your neck abashedly.

"Holy fuck, you met Sharon too? I can already picture the emotional whiplash seeing the two of them interact. He's an asshole to his mom but you can't blame her for caring so much about him considering..." Reiner trails off before realizing he's said too much and avoiding eye contact. You note his response and decide not to pry.

It's Jean's story to tell, I'll find out eventually.

Wait, why do I care so much?

Mikasa being the beloved savior that she is, notices your demeanor changing and takes it upon herself to switch the topic before the others can grill you further, "Alright guys are we still watching a movie? It's almost 8PM and y/n and I have work in the morning."

Everyone makes their way to the couches surrounding the TV and takes their seats. Eren and Mikasa sit on one end of the green sectional, her legs sprawling out onto Eren's lap. Sasha and Niccolo sit in the middle, with Sasha lying her head on Nic's thighs as he tosses a fluffy blanket over her. Connie stretches out on the other end of the couch extending along the wall, his black shorts riding up his thigh with each movement. Armin and Annie drop down onto the couch next to Eren and Mikasa, not entirely touching but in close enough proximity to make Annie's cheeks turn the faintest shade of pink.

Reiner plops a bunch of blankets and spare pillows on the floor into a makeshift bed and collapses onto the ground, stating that he "needs leg room." He shifts over and pats the ground to him, signaling for you to sit with him and you oblige, stretching your legs out and leaning your head back against the couch. Sasha's hand shifts out from under her blanket and she scratches your head tenderly. You were never one for physical touch, but this just changed the game.

Everyone argues about what movie or show to watch, their voices overlapping with Sasha and Connie's arguments overpowering the others. Before a decision could be made, you hear a set of footsteps bounding down to the basement. An incredibly tall and lanky man with short shaggy dark hair stands at the bottom of the staircase. His simple gray t-shirt and light colored basketball shorts hang loosely off his slender frame.  

"Well if it isn't birth control himself!" Reiner yells, hopping up and dabbing up the new arrival. He waves shyly to everyone and locks eyes with you. His expression is soft, the epitome of a gentle giant.

He punches Reiner in the back before looking back at you. "Ignore him, my name is Bertholdt but you can just call me Bert." He extends his hand to you and you chuckle at his little nickname.

"I'm y/n, nice to meet you. I'm working in Mikasa's lab–" you start before Connie cuts you off. "AND she's Jean's new roommate!" He snickers loudly and Mikasa throws a pillow at him with military-like precision.

Bert's face lights up with surprise, "Oh shit, I hope he hasn't been giving you too much trouble." He says quietly, his voice practically a whisper.

Little does he know he's actually one of the biggest sources of conflict in my head right now.

"He's been alright, for now at least." You say, only half-joking as flashes of him comforting you last night plague your memory.

"You're just in time for movie night baby back ribs, c'mon there's space on the floor with me and y/n for your long ass legs." Reiner says, pushing Bert towards the floor. Everyone gets settled into their spots as the bickering about what to watch continues. Mentions of Jurassic Park get thrown around as the sounds of arguing shift into mumbles of agreement.

You pull out your phone from your tote bag and begin scrolling through Instagram. Allison is out with some other influencer friends at yet another fancy dinner, your other friends and acquaintances from back home are scattered about living their lives just as you are. You're mindlessly clicking through stories until your heart drops into your stomach.

You see Jared at a party with a girl, hands interlocked as she plants a kiss on his cheek. You zoom in and see it's the same girl from the dreaded FaceTime call the other night. Your head starts pounding, the pressure threatening to crack your skull wide open. Your jaw clenches as every negative emotion courses through your blood. Your face burns with rage and you abruptly stand up from the floor.

"I'm going to use the bathroom real quick, anyone need anything from the kitchen?" You say, trying your hardest to mask the rollercoaster of emotions doing loops around your nervous system.

"Ooh! Can you grab some candy from the snack cabinet by the fridge please please please! Oh and maybe some popcorn? Oh and the chips!" Sasha begs, eyes looking up at you like a puppy in an ASPCA commercial.

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{ now playing: FIGURES - Jessie Reyez }

You nod and run up the stairs to the kitchen sink and begin splashing water on your face, a panic attack imminent. You don't care that your makeup is going to run, you just need to do anything to stop the tears before they start. Your heart is thrashing in your chest, colliding with your soul in a battle you're all too familiar with.

You stare at his story still glowing on your phone. How his smile is so bright next to hers, the way her hands wrap around his– the way yours once used to. The night sky enveloping their close bodies, rubbing it in your face that despite all your efforts, he chose someone else. The multi-colored lights highlighting his face, a look of joy you hadn't seen in him since you first started dating. A tear drops down your face as your overthinking runs rampant.

You see another bottle of wine on the counter and pour a glass hastily as you chug it down, not caring about the burn lingering in your throat. You continue splashing water on your face, hoping that it snaps you out of this dreaded daze consuming you mercilessly.

Jared's words claw their way into your mind, fueling the fire already burning your brain tissue.

"I think I have feelings for another girl."

"I just felt neglected in the relationship and she's been comforting me."

"She's just been there for me more than you have lately."

You slam the wine glass on the counter and lean over the kitchen sink, hands digging at your scalp. Your fingertips burn with anger and despair, threatening to burn your scalp and brand the emotions into your skin. Your palms press to your ears as the voices only grow louder and louder.

If only I was good enough for him, I wouldn't feel like this.

If only I was mentally stable.

If only I was prettier, smarter, skinnier, happier... 

You claw at your face, tears spilling over and landing in the sink with a light thud. The sounds of the movie playing downstairs and everyone's chatter seem distant compared to the voices screaming in your mind. You grab a paper towel and clean off your face, attempting to scrub the emotions off your skin.

"Well. Fancy seeing you here." An all too familiar voice smugly says behind you.

Fuck. Not again.

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Chapter Text

"Well. Fancy seeing you here."

You whip your head around and see none other than Jean, standing casually in a charcoal sweatshirt and black sweatpants. His mullet is messy and damp as if he showered recently and his hair hasn't finished air drying yet.

It should be illegal for a man to look this good... wait, what the FUCK am I thinking?!

The paper towel in your hands drops pathetically onto the floor as you look up at him, eyes locking with intensity. His hazel eyes burn into yours, reading into your thoughts with a fervor that makes you want to fold inside out and disintegrate.

"Woahhh... are you... good?" He asks, tilting his head like a little kid that just asked if you wanted to play together at recess. You catch a glimpse of your reflection in the window above the sink and you hate to admit it, but his concern was warranted.

Your eyes were puffy and red, with mascara trailing down your cheeks like onyx rivers carving their way through your skin. Your legs threatened to give out beneath you and disappear, just like your sanity and will to live.

"Uh, yeah I'm fine. The movie just had me feeling emotional, that's all." You say, the bitter lie barely bouncing off your tongue. You shake your head slightly before running your fingers under your eyes to wipe off your ruined makeup.

Jean leans his head towards the basement door, hearing the faint sounds of dinosaurs screaming and voices howling– some in shock and others in delight. "Right... the movie. Sounds like they're watching Jurassic Park, and I didn't take you to be one that cries at dinosaurs running around."

You scoff, momentarily blinded by his audacity to be sassy even when you clearly look unwell.  "First of all, you don't know anything about me. Second, I'll have you know that Jurassic Park can be quite emotional." You say, returning his sass with full force as your arms cross your chest judgingly.

Jean throws his hands up in defeat. "Alright fair enough. And you're right, I don't know a whole lot about you, but I definitely know what you look like when you're having a panic attack and this..." He sassily points his finger up and down at you with a tilt of his head. "... looks oddly familiar." He says with a little smirk and his classic stupid eyebrow raise, making you process what he's referring to.

"Okay that was simply a moment of weakness, alright? Relax. I'm sorry for that. I probably scared you but seriously I'm fine now." You say defensively, migrating to the cabinet to retrieve the snacks Sasha requested.

You look up and see a family sized bag of popcorn on one of the top shelves. You climb up onto the counter, your knees pressing into the granite as you reach up before you feel a warm presence towering against your back. The warm scent of vanilla and cedarwood enveloping you like a hug you didn't realize you needed.

"Look, you said it yourself. We're roommates now and just like you I'd rather this experience not be insufferable. Now tell me what's going on." Jean whispers in your ear. His breath was warm against your cheek and trailed down your neck, causing a wake of goosebumps along your skin. His voice was stern and commanding, but laced with concern that you wanted to shake away desperately.

His long arms reach dangerously close to the side of your head, his toned biceps grazing your ear. He grabs the bag of popcorn along with some candy and a bag of barbecue chips before you could and sets them on the counter beside you.

"I could've grabbed it myself you know, I don't need a lanky narcissist with a mullet coming in to save the day." You mutter, rotating so you're sitting on the edge of the counter facing him. Jean's hands grip onto the counter, one on each side of you just barely touching your thighs uncovered by your gingham shorts.

Your breath hitches at the sudden closeness as he leans in closer, his hand cupping your face as his thumb wipes away the mascara gracing your cheeks. "I know you're capable, but that doesn't mean I don't want to help. What else are roommates for?" He whispers in your ear, his voice low and gravelly.

You hone in on his facial features, his signature smirk planted confidently on his lips but his irises reflecting back genuine care– something you never thought he was capable of until recently.

"Don't you dare get tangled up in his mess." Your mother's words crawl into your mind, rooting themselves into the folds of your brain. "He's a major flirt." Armin's words from the cafe ring in your ears.

He's just flirting with me because he can and it's in his cocky nature, he doesn't actually care about me. My own boyfriend didn't even give a shit about me, why would the stranger that was forced to live with me be any different? I'm simply just another girl for him to conquer. He only cares about himself, never forget that.

"Roommates are for getting cheaper rent." You push Jean back with the palm of your hand and he backs up, giving you space to plop back onto the hardwood floor. You clean yourself up in the reflection of the window before collecting the snacks and turning on your heel towards the door to the basement. Jean grabs the bag of popcorn from your hands, the plastic crinkling in his large hands with a sneer on his face.

You roll your eyes and make your way down the stairs to the basement, with Jean following closely behind. You take a deep breath in hopes of masking the lingering whirlwind of emotions thrashing in your head as you brace yourself for the likely onslaught of questions as to why you were gone for so long.

"Well, well, well– if it isn't the roommates!" Connie shouts as Eren pauses the movie with a shit eating grin plastered on his face. His teal eyes bounced between yours and Jean's, and it was like you could physically feel the wind of his thoughts racing around you, curiosity and intrigue swirling across the crevices of his mind.

You throw the assortment of snacks towards Sasha and she catches them with ease. "About time! I was worried you died in the kitchen and I was going to have to hide another body!" Sasha exclaims, tearing the bag of chips open and shoving a handful into her mouth.

Everyone's heads turn to Sasha. "Another body?" Bert whispers in concern to Reiner, who simply shrugs as if Sasha hiding multiple bodies doesn't even surprise him.

"So what took you so long y/n? And when the hell did you get here horse face? I thought your ass wasn't coming because of your fuck ass job." Eren says, smirking as his eyes shift subtly to you before switching right back onto Jean's.

You freeze, realizing how bad you and Jean walking in together looks, especially after you went missing for half an hour. You open your mouth with no particular lie crafted when Jean playfully shoves you aside, standing confidently in front of you with a smirk tinted with mischief.

"I came with Bohemian Rhapsody earlier to drop him off after we finished work, but my mom called me so I chatted with her for a bit outside before I saw y/n climbing the counters like an idiot. I had to swoop in and save the day before she busted her ass." Jean lies with ease, throwing the bag of popcorn towards Eren before shooting you a snarky side eye with no real malice behind it.

You glare at him for his stupid little "save the day" comment considering the context, but you can't even be mad for long because he did just save your ass from getting caught lying and having to explain that you were having a mental breakdown in the kitchen.

Eren catches the bag of popcorn and nods hesitantly, sensing the lie but unable to conjure up any excuse to not believe it. "Alright fair enough Jeanboy. Zeke put those snacks on the top shelf to prevent Sasha from stealing them in the middle of the night, so blame him. Now c'mon and sit your asses down so we can finish the movie."

"Actually I think I'm gonna head out, it's getting late and I have work in the morning. If I don't get 8 hours of sleep, I become a menace to society. It was great hanging out with you guys though! Thanks again for inviting me and welcoming me so warmly. The food and the company are much appreciated." You say, only half-lying. You did have work in the morning, but the real reason you wanted to go home was so you could process the emotional turmoil brewing in your conscience in the comfort of your own bed.

"Yeah I'm heading out too, I have a long day at work tomorrow and I'm still fucking exhausted from today. I only came to drop off Bomboclatt and I'm already here longer than I planned to be." Jean says casually, running his hands through his messy mullet and winking at Bert who merely scoffs at yet another tragic nickname.

"Boooo! Y/n get home safe! It was so nice meeting you and thanks for the drinks and good vibes, I hope we can hang out again soon. Jean... you can go eat a bag of dicks for all I care." Sasha says groggily, practically falling asleep in Nic's lap with her hand still shoved in the bag of chips she was devouring.

Jean flips her off and you wave to everyone before heading upstairs, a harmony of "nice meeting you y/n!" and "thanks for joining us!" and "get home safe!" echoes behind you.

"Wait y/n! You better be joining us for jam night this Saturday!" You turn and see Eren staring intently at you, his teal eyes threatening that if you decline he'll personally come whoop your ass. Mikasa smiles softly, her gray eyes seemingly calling out to you whispering "please join us, we want you there."

"Only if I get AUX privileges on the drive here." You say with a wink. "Your wish is our command." Eren replies, bending his arm and leaning down into a faux bow. "Anything for you, m'lady." Connie echos, mirroring Eren's bow with a grin. "I trust your music taste more than Reiner's."

Before Connie could continue dragging Reiner's name through the mud, a pillow launches at Connie's face with enough force to knock him back. "Says the guy who only let us listen to fucking Zack Fox that one time, drunkenly yapping about how it was 'peak music' like a fucking idiot." Reiner claps back.

"Hey! If a man wants to sing about dipping his balls in some thousand island dressing, let him. Shit's fire and you're just pissy because we had to revoke your AUX privileges after all the fuck ass country music you made us listen to." Connie retorts, the two of them glaring at each other with a pillow in each hand ready to fire.

"Enough boys. Get home safe y/n, text me when you're at your place. I'll see you in lab tomorrow." Mikasa says softly, a quiet yawn escaping her lips as she leans onto Eren's shoulder. You say your final farewells and drag yourself up the stairs, Jean's footsteps thudding heavily behind you.

"Well, aren't you a fan favorite?" Jean sneers, opening the front door for you as you escape onto the porch. The sun had set ages ago, and the night sky had settled in. The cool air rushed against your skin, sending goosebumps along your arms. You clutch your arms close to your torso and reach for your phone before opening up your GPS app so you can find the nearest subway station to head back home.

"Hey not my fault I got that dawg in me Jean, the bitches love my swag." You laugh with your hands up defensively, teeth chattering faintly from the sudden change in temperature.

Jean sighs and looks over to you shivering with your phone in hand. Before you know it, he takes off his sweatshirt in one fell swoop, tossing it at you as you scramble to catch it. He was left with a thin white undershirt clinging tightly to his offensively chiseled physique, the faint outlines of his abs peeking through the fabric tauntingly.

"Marley City gets cold at night, plus it's going to start raining soon and you're not gonna last in that little outfit of yours." Jean's smug voice cuts through the air like a knife.

"Wait, why the hell do you have your GPS open?" He says, raising an eyebrow in confusion.

"I don't need your pity sweatshirt Jean, and I'm looking for a subway station to head home. It's cold and you–" You start handing him the sweatshirt before he pushes it back towards you.

"Y/n. Put the goddamn sweatshirt on before I put it on for you. It's cold out." He barks, his voice low and assertive.

Why was that kinda... holy fuck. Get a grip.

You roll your eyes and throw the sweatshirt over your body, the warmth leftover from his body heat wrapping around you like a cloak of protection. The faint smell of his vanilla and cedarwood cologne mixed with laundry detergent fills your nostrils. The sleeves dangle past your arms and the hem hits just past your mid-thighs, making you realize just how big Jean is compared to you.

"I may be an asshole y/n, but I'm not fucking evil like it seems you think I am. Also in case you forgot, we live together nimrod. I'm not letting you take the subway home alone, especially at night. Either way, we're not taking the subway." Jean snorts, looking down at you with a sassy tilt in his head. His eyes glowed attentively, betraying his "tough guy" exterior.

"No shot you just called me nimrod. Man whatever, if we aren't taking the train then how the hell are we gonna get home genius?" You fold your arms over your chest, staring up at his hazel eyes.

"I'm driving. Now let's go before it starts raining." He says cooly, reaching into the pocket of his sweatpants and fishing his car keys out. He hits a button on the key fob and a well polished black Ford Mustang convertible with the top on beeps faintly by the sidewalk. He nods his head towards the car and you walk together, the grass squelching under your shoes from the previous rainfall.

"If you drive anything like Eren, I'm gonna pass out." You mutter sarcastically. He lets out a small laugh as you both sink into your respective seats. "Eren's a suicidal maniac and loves to make it our problem, but sounds like the ride wasn't as bad as you're making it out to be considering he's driving you again on Saturday for jam night."

The Ford Mustang revs to life and he pulls away from the curb. The scent of his cologne was buried in the leather seats, filling the air of the small two-seater. The car was surprisingly clean, as if he either planned that you would end up in the passenger seat or his mom's claims of him being a mess were actually false. Either way, there was no point in overthinking it. You had enough on your mind.

The rain starts falling softly, tapping against the glass of the windshield with a gentle thud. "Yeah honestly I'm surprised at how pleasant the night was. I'm not used to having friends if I'm being honest, but everyone was so chill and inviting. I had a great time." You admit, embarrassed at the fact you just confessed to being an absolute loser to Jean.

"If you had such a great time, then why were you crying in the kitchen earlier?" Jean retorts, dropping his usual smugness as his eyes stayed honed onto the empty suburban streets ahead. His voice was delicate, caring, and something you still couldn't comprehend.

Your shoulders sink into the leather of Jean's disgustingly classy car. "I already told you, the movie made me emotional Jean, quit prying." You rotate in the seat, watching as the rain drops glide down the glass of the tinted windows.

He takes a couple of dramatic sniffs in the air, eyes still focused on the mostly empty streets before raising his pointer finger in the air. "Huh? What's that I smell? Oh, I know! It's bullshit y/n. Don't play with me." He says sassily, his eyes flickering to you with mischief.

"Holy fuck Jean. You are one of the sassiest and most persistent motherfuckers I've ever met." You mutter under your breath, rubbing your temples dejectedly.

"I'm nothing if not persistent, not to mention also devilishly attractive." The corner of his lip twitches into a sly grin. He knows he's hot shit and isn't afraid to show it, and it never fails to piss you off.

You simply scoff at his shenanigans and continue watching the raindrops race, placing mental bets on which one will reach the bottom of the window first. It's a shitty attempt at pressing the emotions down, but it's an attempt nonetheless. There's a subtle stillness in the air, with only the faint sounds of rainfall and the engine humming to fill the silence permeating the car. The suburban street lights zip along the periphery, casting a warm hue on the interior of the car before it passes back into the pale glow of the moonlight.

Jean's voice cuts through the silence, careful and gentle as if he's afraid to disturb the peace. "But on a real note, what's going on y/n?" He says with a quiet worry that seeps into the very core of your being. His voice lacked his typical edge and sass, and you couldn't help but notice the octave drop in his tone.

"It's nothing Jean." You snap, craning your head towards him with enough intensity to signal to him to cut it out. His eyes flick towards you before returning back to the road, seeing right through your defensive act.

The streetlights illuminated his features every so often. The way his scruff defined his already sharp jawline. The faint moonlight mixed with the warm lighting of the streetlights lit up his perfectly tousled and now dry hair, highlighting the faint bags under his eyes. The way his nose hooks slightly upward that you only ever noticed now with the silhouette of his side profile.

"Doesn't sound like nothing. I've literally already seen you have a mental breakdown y/n, you don't scare me. If anything, I'm intrigued. You can't expect a man to watch a girl cry in his arms and not be concerned." He says simply, as if his words didn't just cause your heart to turn inside out.

"It's none of your business Jean. I already told you that was just a moment of weakness and I already apologized. Why do you even care?" You respond dryly, rubbing your fingers against your temples as if this is just some twisted hallucination from the red wine circulating through your system.

Why does he care so much? I'm literally a stranger that happened to end up in the same apartment and coincidentally ended up in his circle. He has no reason to actually care about me. Is this his deranged way of flirting? Persistent nagging mixed with overconfidence?

Jean pauses, as if he has multiple answers in his mind and isn't sure what to reveal. "Because there was a time where I didn't show my care enough and it costed me everything y/n. I'm not willing to let that happen again." His head is laser focused ahead, his voice dripping in regret and yearning. "And yeah, we are strangers. But it doesn't have to be that way forever, you know?"

Well fuck. I wasn't expecting that.

Unaware of how to respond to the sudden tone shift, you do what you do best– respond with some sort of dry sarcasm and hope for the best. "Well damn, that got dark quick."

Just as quickly as his guard dropped, the walls around his heart raise and the cocky grin that you've grown unfortunately accustomed to pops right back up. "Okay well I dropped an ominous statement about my lore so now we're even. Now tell me what's going on with you before I pull over and we sit in this goddamn car until you finish talking about what's on your mind."

"You're bluffing Jean. It's like 10PM and we both have work in the morning. There's no shot you're gonna pull over just to hear me yap about my life." You counter, glaring at him with distrust.

"Oh yeah? Watch me." Without an ounce of hesitation, he pulls the car over and shifts it into park on the side of the desolate suburban road underneath a lone dim streetlight. The light is just enough to highlight his fuckass "bitch you thought" grin.

"The quicker you talk and get it out of your system, the faster we can go home. Balls in your court y/n." He unbuckles his seatbelt and turns to face you, eyes gleaming with interest.

You groan. "Fine. I'm sure you already have a general gist of where this conversation is going considering you probably heard a good bit of it last night. It's a long story though." You mutter under your breath, the memories resurfacing and casting a blanket of guilt and shame over your entire being.

"Use your words y/n. Start from the beginning. We have all the time in the world, just get it all out. I'm simply here to listen, unless you want a response." Jean replies as he leans his chair back a bit and stretches his legs out, eyes closed and ears patiently awaiting what you have to say.

You sigh in defeat, mentally cursing his perseverance. You kick off your shoes and lift your feet up onto the seat, tucking your knees in and resting your chin on top. You don't dare to make eye contact with Jean, because you know the second you start talking you'll start crying and you refuse to subject yourself to feeling that vulnerable again. Not again. Not after what he's already seen.

˖ ݁♬⋆.˚𝄞.

{ now playing: i miss your warm hands - i don't like mirrors }

You tell Jean the entirety of your history with Jared. How you met in some stupid music club back in college that you only joined because music was your escape from the cruelty of the world and extracurriculars would look good on your medical school applications. How he went from your knight in shining armor to a devil in disguise, ripping you of what little identity and dignity you had left, if any. How you encouraged him to chase his dreams but in turn he left you behind, leaving you a mere shadow of a human being begging for bare minimum. How you gave him everything and never once received even a fraction of that care in return.

How he called you at that party and introduced you to those girls, and how it felt like your heart was being ripped out of your chest. How he told you he liked someone else as if he was reading the morning news and not shredding your entire being and self-worth into unsalvageable pieces. How you saw his Instagram story at that hangout with his new girl, beaming with joy as if the last near four years were nothing but a filler chapter in a shitty love story. How it flashes in your mind and haunts you no matter how much you try to distract yourself.

You didn't think you would divulge as much as you did, but the more you talked the more it just poured out. You sigh, "And that's that. Happy?" You look over, waiting for another stupid eyebrow raise, a crinkle of amusement, or a shit eating grin with another snarky comment about how pathetic your life is.

But there was nothing. No comments, no dramatics– just him lying back in the same position. Completely silent, eyes closed. His long brown eyelashes grazed his cheekbones in a way that you would be envious of if it weren't for the fact that you just dropped years of lore in one sitting and he just looks like a mummy. You would've thought he was asleep if he wasn't giving you an occasional "hm" in response to parts of your story.

"Wow. No judgmental comment this time? Or was my lore so lackluster that it lulled you to sleep?" You say jokingly, trying to lighten the mood.

Jean finally rises from the dead and turns over to his side, propping his elbow up and resting the side of his cheek into his palm. He looks at you with his cocky little grin that you were expecting. "They call me Planet Fitness the way I'm a no judgment zone."

"Who the hell are they? The voices in your head?" You retort, unsuccessfully stifling a laugh.

"Yeah. They're cool as shit, you should meet them." He taps his temple with his pointer finger with a smirk before his demeanor switches into something more serious. His eyes soften slightly, looking down into yours. His jaw clenches slightly, and the flickering of the streetlight bends the light through his mullet.

"But seriously y/n, he's a piece of shit. You didn't deserve to be treated like that." He says, his voice quieter, softer, gentler.

You gulp and turn your head to face the windshield, not daring to let him see how his words affected you deeper than he probably anticipated. "I don't know Jean. I know he's a piece of shit, but I'm no saint either. If I was there for him more, he wouldn't have felt the need to find someone else to talk to about his problems. He would've never developed feelings for someone else who showed him the care I couldn't. He deserved better too." Your voice was meek, practically falling apart as they spilled from your mouth. Jared's words echoed in your mind, tormenting your already battered soul.

"I just felt neglected in the relationship and she's been comforting me."

"She's just been there for me more than you have lately."

"So what? He's a grown man y/n. He had to find some random girl to talk to about his feelings because he couldn't handle his own emotions like an adult? Like... bro doesn't have friends to vent to? My grandpa with dementia communicates better than him." Jean says with a snort, clearly amused by his own joke and even more so at Jared's emotional immaturity.

A sigh escapes your lips. "Still Jean, it's the principle. I'm literally, or at least I was, his girlfriend. He needed me and I wasn't there for him-"

"-and he wasn't there for you. It isn't your responsibility to fix people y/n, I hope you know that. His actions weren't justified and you know that deep down past all the thoughts brewing in that pretty little head of yours." Jean interrupts sternly like a disgruntled therapist. All you could do was stare blankly at him. He was lying back in his tilted seat, arms crossed over his chest looking up at the black fabric casing over the top of the car.

Damn, was I silent or was I silenced?

"Alright, you didn't have to clock me like that Jean. Anyways, I spoke my truth, you happy now?" You say, a little chuckle escaping your lips in a desperate attempt to distract yourself from the fact that this foreign side of him has thrown you completely off guard.

"The real question is are you? Are you happy now, y/n?" Jean bounces back, voice low with curiosity and concern. You take a deep breath and realize the weight that was draped across your body like a shield has been lifted.

I feel steady, calm, relaxed, and it's all thanks to... Jean? Fuck, what's happening to me?

"Actually, yeah. I do. Thanks Jean. Oh, and thanks for the breakfast this morning too, you didn't have to do that."

"Good, I'm glad. That's what roommates are for, you know? Besides the cheaper rent." He looks over at you and winks. "We're here to help one another out. To be the anchor when the other feels like they're floating away." A small smile creeps onto the corner of his mouth, and you can't help but smile back.

"Now let's go so you can get your beauty sleep."

˖ ݁♬⋆.˚𝄞.

{ now playing: Space Song - Beach House }

The engine hums back to life and he pulls the car back onto the road. The rain was falling softly on the windshield. The soft mechanical whir of the windshield wipers automatically passing back and forth create a steady beat as a comfortable silence fills the air.

He has his left hand on the top of the wheel with the other wrapped around the gear shift. Jean's back was pressed against the brown leather of the seats. His ashy-brown mullet looks darker in the moonlight, with the strands framing his shadowy silhouette. His white undershirt still clung to his torso, creasing along the contours of his body like some sort of marble statue.

Jean's confidence was loud, but not in the obnoxious and cocky way that you've always seen. It was assured and collected, quiet yet bold. He radiated a sense of certainty, not just in himself but in the world despite its cruelty you're all too familiar with. You couldn't help but admire it. The way he seemed like he held the world in the palm of his hand and even if he dropped it, he wouldn't mind. He knew that he would just pick it back up. 

He mentioned something earlier about not caring enough before and losing something in return. You wanted to get to know him, to find out what happened in his life to make him the way that he is. Maybe it could inspire you to be stronger, more confident, more assured. To not feel like the world is as bloodthirsty and cruel as it seems to be.

The cityscape pulls into your view, the sleepy suburbs merely a distant memory lingering in the side mirrors. The streets were surprisingly barren, especially for a city deemed "the city that never sleeps." The world felt slow, as if everything in the world paused so you could have this moment with yourself, with Jean. The universe pulled you to this moment for a reason, but it's up to you to see it through.

"Do you believe in fate, Jean?" You ask impulsively, turning your head to him, curiosity sparking your eyes.

Jean flinches slightly, as if he was snapped out of a trance simply by your voice piercing the silence. "Hm. In terms of the fate versus free will argument, I feel like I lean more towards free will. In the grand scheme of things, it's up to us to control our lives– but sometimes things just happen for a reason, you know? Like despite how you use your free will, I think fate has a way to bend it towards her favor. Why do you ask?" His expression was contemplative, eyebrows furrowed like he was lost in a labyrinth of thoughts.

"Alright Aristotle, don't hurt 'em now." You laugh, gaining an eye roll and soft nasal exhale from Jean. "I wonder what the universe was thinking when she connected our paths together." You say in a hushed tone.

"Probably 'she needs better eye candy than that wretched creature she was seeing for years' or something like that." Jean smirks, taking his hand off the gear shift and running it through his hair.

"Real funny bud. You don't even know what Jared looks like." You laugh, stretching your arms out in front of you. The sleeves of Jean's sweatshirt swallowed you, the fabric dangling from your arms as you lay back in the seat.

"Let me see him then. No shot he's more attractive than me, especially with his fuck ass attitude." He raises an eyebrow like his statement was a challenge. You shoot upright in your seat, the leather squeaking softly against your thighs.

"Oh hell no Jean."

"Show me or I'll find him myself."

"You're bluffing. No way you're gonna hunt this man down."

"I pulled over earlier, didn't I?"

You sigh and pull your phone out from your bag, not willing to call his bluff again. You pull up Jared's Instagram, trying to find a slightly normal photo of him to show Jean. The car rolls to a stop at a red light and Jean snatches your phone from his hands before you could select a picture.

And Jean laughs. A laugh you hadn't ever heard from him before. It was guttural, and you could've sworn he was laughing so hard that there were tears in his eyes. You try to grab the phone and he presses his palm into your forehead and extends his arm, leaving you swinging your arms at him like a little kid. He scrolls through Jared's posts with his free hand, cackling heartily.

"Oh my God, y/n. I can't breathe. He really thinks he's hot shit, oh my God look at him. Look at him in this one I'm actually going to start crying I can't-" He coughs out, wheezing between words as he points the phone back to you.

A photo of Jared glows harshly against the dim ambiance of the car. It's an older photo of him from early into your relationship that you took when you and him went thrifting. You vividly remember him begging you to take his picture against some graffiti wall because it "fit his aesthetic perfectly." He was leaning against the wall with a leg bent up and foot pressed against the brick, throwing up some random gang sign he honestly had no right to be using.

"Hey! I took that picture!" You yell, lunging for your phone again as Jean swiftly dodges your movements, laughing even harder. "I just know his dumbass thought he ate that shit up. I'm willing to bet it was his profile picture for at least a couple months."

You gulp. He was right on the money. He settles down and types something and clicks quickly with his free hand before handing the phone back to you. "You wanna see real hot shit? Take a look."

You look down and see Jean's Instagram profile shining brightly on the screen. It was perfectly curated. An aesthetic blend of filler photos, group shots, solo pictures of him posing with his car smugly or on the beach with his abs glowing in the sunlight like he was hand sculpted by God himself. His account looked effortlessly carefree– just like him.

A complete opposite vibe to your own account. You had three old posts– a picture of the sun setting over Allison's childhood home's pool in her backyard, a selfie of you and Allison back in college, and a picture of you holding Allison's cat Kenny when he was just a kitten with a cheesy grin. Nothing spectacular, and not nearly as picturesque as Jean's account. He had thousands of followers, while you had a measly couple hundred– most of which were random people from high school and college that you don't even talk to.

"Hm. You delete all the pics from your theater days? Or should I just scroll down further?" You laugh, your thumb hovering over his profile as you take in the display.

Jean immediately tenses up and glares at you. "Who the fuck told you about me being in theater? If it was Eren I swear to my fucking ancestors I'm gonna rock his shi-"

Now it's your turn to laugh hysterically. "It wasn't Eren, it was Mikasa. I'm not sure if she told you already, but we work in the same lab and I saw a framed photo of you, her, and Eren on some sort of set on her desk and I damn near shit myself."

He groans and runs a hand through his hair, the other lightly grasping the bottom of the steering wheel. A heavy sigh escapes from his lips as his eyes focus on the road ahead.

˖ ݁♬⋆.˚𝄞.

{ now playing: Anchor - Novo Amor }

"High school me was a different creature alright? I met the group during freshman year of high school after my friend convinced me to join theater with him. I've known Connie and Sasha since we were kids though. Music has been an escape for all of us since we were young, and theater gave us an opportunity to be someone else for a change. To escape the reality of ourselves and the world around us, even if it's just for a scene or two." Jean confesses, his voice almost a whisper like he was worried about the words spilling out, afraid of your judgement.

You look over to Jean as he drives. His demeanor had entirely switched, his usual persona flickered slightly. The dim moonlight just barely illuminated his presence, his expression more solemn and soft. Before you know it, he glances over to you and his usual smug look creeps back onto his face.

"Whoops. Didn't mean to get too deep there. I'm just a theater kid after all." Jean chuckles softly, trying to shift the energy in the car to something more jovial. A move you're all too familiar with.

"That was pretty deep Jeanie-bottle, I didn't know you had that in you." You laugh quietly. His words hit harder than probably either of you anticipated. He rolls his eyes at your use of his mother's nickname for him.

What was he escaping? What plagued his existence so terribly that he felt the need to run? To escape the world by acting as another?

"But I get it. Sometimes the only way to survive is to go somewhere else, even if that means only going somewhere else in your mind. Music has a way of doing that to people. A way to escape even just for a moment. I can see how acting and performing would be a similar escape. To take on another personality and push aside your own." You murmur, your voice barely audible as you take in the weight of his words.

"It was fun while it lasted. Shit hit the fan in high school but music was always there for me even when it felt there was nothing left. Music is one of the few ways you can both confront your feelings and distract yourself from them, you know? Like when someone does drugs or exercises heavily, it's a distraction. A temporary way to silence your mind and quell the thoughts dragging along your conscience. But with music– you decide whether it's a confrontation or a distraction. It all depends on what you listen to– what you hear, what you think, what you feel. It can dictate your emotions before you even have a chance to process them yourself." Jean says, avoiding eye contact as he continues down the barren streets of the city.

"That was... surprisingly profound Jean, but you're not wrong though. Music holds memories, it makes space for the inner workings of our hearts that we're often too afraid to express. Music puts the feelings into words that I struggle to say aloud, but thankfully someone already said them for me, you know?" Your eyes flick back out the window as you watch the raindrops fall almost in slow motion.

"People are temporary, parts of our lives that were meant to come and go, you know? But the memories can last forever, reminding you not just of what was, but what's next to come." You say quietly, just barely audible over the rainfall around you.

He looks over at you, eyes wide with an emotion you can't quite place. Is it admiration? Shock? Confusion? That same contemplative demeanor from before comes and goes with a swiftness before you can even process it fully.

He grins contently before directing his attention back to the road. "Wise words there sweetheart, I almost got a glance at your soul for a second." A faint smile tugs at his lips as he drives towards your shared home.

You let out an amused huff as a smirk tugs at the corners of your lips. "I'm full of wisdom Jean, what can I say?"

"I can fill you up with something else if you want..." Jean lets out with a dirty look on his face, eyebrow raising along with his typical shit-eating grin you always see when he makes a suggestive comment.

"God you freak. Get a grip. We were almost having a moment, Jean." You punch his arm jokingly and roll your eyes as the two of you laugh loudly, the air light-hearted and bright.

The laughter dies down, and the comfortable silence returns as the car cruises forward. Usually, you're not one for awkward silences, but this silence was anything but awkward. It was tranquil and focused, not forced. The type of silence that gives rise to contemplation, but not overthinking.

"I feel like it was fate that we met. I know it's cliche, and maybe it's just a coincidence, but I like to think that people are put into our lives for a reason– no matter how big or small." You utter quietly, breaking the delicate silence.

Jean raises an eyebrow inquisitively. "Oh yeah? What makes you think that?"

"I'm not sure yet, but looks like we'll just have to wait and see." A hint of a smile perks up on Jean's face in response.

"Yeah, I guess so."

Jean pulls into the parking garage of your apartment building and puts the car in park. You both pull yourselves out of the car and make your way back into your unit. The cool summer night breeze nips at the skin on your uncovered thighs. Jean holds the door open for you and you both enter your shared apartment.

"Thanks again Jean. For this, for breakfast this morning, for being there for me. I appreciate it. How did you even know my Sina's order?" You say shyly, looking back at Jean as he opens the door to his room.

"Of course y/n. You have people that care about you, you know? You don't have to fight alone. Also, I asked Armin about your order. I didn't want you to go to work hungry." A reassuring smile forms on his lips. You smile warmly in return.

"That's... really nice of you. Thanks again Jean, goodnight."

"Anytime y/n, goodnight."

You each go into your respective rooms and you hear the faint click of both of your doors closing. You check your phone and see a text from Mikasa.

Mikasa 🖤: Hey you get home safe?

Hope you had a good time tonight with everyone and feel better.

They all love you btw. (and not just because you brought booze)

Y/n: I just got home, thanks for the check in

Me and Jean talked on the drive home. Debrief tmrw?

You get ready for bed and toss yourself onto your plush comforter, looking up at the ceiling fan whirring melodically above you.

To think just a few days ago, you absolutely loathed Jean. His overly flirtatious and cocky nature was nothing short of infuriating, but the others were right– there's more to him beneath the surface. He's caring, considerate, and has an amazingly terrifying capability to read your inner thoughts and peer over the walls you spent years building.

A man who wants to be your anchor when he sees you drifting away in the waves of your thoughts. A man who went out of his way to bring you your favorite breakfast after watching you spiral completely unprompted. A man who pulled over on the side of the street to listen to you talk about your grievances despite being exhausted from work simply because he could see the voices waging war in your mind and he didn't want you to fight alone.

Behind this "cool popular guy" persona lies a complex character you can't help but want to learn more about. A man with demons hidden behind the walls that you want nothing more than to break down. To see what lies beneath the surface, behind the persona, deep within his soul–

Who is Jean Kirstein?

⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚

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