Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“You want to see a therapist again?” Kuchel asks, concerned. “Are you not feeling well these days?”

Levi shrugs. “I just… hear him again. I don’t know why,” he mumbles, reaching up to slightly clutch his hair. “I just feel… weird.”

“I’ll call your doctor, honey,” Kuchel nods, squeezing his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, ma,” Levi averts his eyes. “I can feel him just… crawling around in my head. It feels weird. I don’t want this to mess up my year. I made really good friends lately. If they find out about what I am—”

“Levi,” Kuchel places her ladel down, then turns to her son with a serious expression. “What you are feeling, is not who you are. You are so much more than what you think,” she cups his cheek, and he softens. “And I promise that I’ll always protect you.”

“Ma…” he sighs, feeling that shift in the air, knowing that she’s blaming herself again. “I’m fine, just… I want to be smart about this. I’m doing so well, it canmt be for nothing,” he mumbles.

Kuchel just nods, giving him another small smile. “Okay, baby. I’ll contact your doctor for you. I’m sure we have enough for a few months’ worth of sessions at least.”

“Yeah?”

“Of course. Whatever you need, honey,” Kuchel embraces him, and Levi sighs in content while leaning his head on her shoulder.

When Levi climbs up to his room that night, he slumps on the bed. Just as he was about to throw his socks into the hamper, the telephone rings. Levi sighs, rolling over his bed to lay on his stomach as he grabs the telephone, the string stretching as he does. “Hello?”

“Heeeey!” Hange’s lively voice fills Levi’s ear. “I heard you got the spot! Mr. Smith announced it in my class earlier!”

“He did?” Levi furrows his brows.

“Well, he didn’t say your name, but he did say that the teacher’s assistant position’s been filled, so no more applications.”

“How’d you know it’s me, then?”

“Oh, right!” Hange clears their throat. “Did you get accepted, Levi?”

He snorts, rolling his eyes. “Yeah. I did.”

Hange shrieks, and Levi had to pull the telephone slightly away from his ear. “I can’t believe it! Assisting the Mr. Smith! Oh, your portfolio is going to be nuts if you apply at the school once we graduate!”

Levi huffs. “Calm down, four eyes. It’s just me assisting him. Not a big deal.”

“How did he tell you, though? Did he e-mail you?”

“Is that really a thing now?” Levi still can’t comprehend computers, honestly. He doesn’t even have an e-mail yet. “Whatever. No, he asked to see me after class yesterday, and he told me he picked me.”

“Did he say why?” Hange asks, but audibly slaps their forehead. “Oh, I almost forgot, you’re his top student,” they say with a teasing tone, and Levi can practically hear them smirk.

“Ha-ha. No, he picked me because he knows I’m neat, and I get the job done,” Levi checks his watch. “And I actually sleep on time, to actually wake up early, and not need coffee.”

Hange huffs as well. “Is that supposed to be a jab?”

“Go to sleep.”

“It’s 8PM!”

“Which is exactly the time humans should sleep. Night, Hange.”

“But—!”

Levi puts the telephone back, hanging up with a smirk. He chuckles to himself before getting up to stretch a bit. Then, Levi showers for a bit before crawling to bed after slipping his pajamas on.

He lies on his back, staring at the cieling for half an hour until his eyes begin drooping, and he feels himself relax enough to close his eyes.

Although, he feels a chill air hit his ear, making him grimace with his eyes closed.

There is a wispy and airy familiar voice cooing into Levi’s ear. “Are you thinking about him again?” Only one sentence is coherent enough for Levi to understand among a sea of whispers.

Levi swallows, keeping his eyes closed as he shifts to turn on his side. His mind is toying with him again, making him imagine countless of large greedy hands all over his body. It was suffocating. Levi’s eyes shot open, and his breaths are heavy. Eyes wide, limbs trembling as he curls up into himself under the sheets.

Let me sleep. Please.

He screws his eyes shut, hugging himself and allowing the sheets to protect him in its warmth. Maybe he should’ve slept in his mama’s bed tonight.

***

Levi never named him—the one who assumes the helm of his body whenever everything got too much. His doctor only calls him as ‘the alter,’ but in Levi’s head, it’s just Him. Or it, but the alter finds that one too offensive.

Levi was too afraid to name him, but ‘he’ had no issues naming himself. Levi just never uses it to refer to him. Mostly because it was a ridiculous name, derived from Levi’s childhood dreams. And the other reason is that Levi didn’t want to accept that it was real. Calling it by his chosen name felt too wrong. Levi once asked him why he named himself, but it only said that he didn’t name himself—he always had that name. As if he always had existed in the back of Levi’s head.

Levi’s relationship with his alter is complicated. They usually never talk one-on-one, and if they do, it loves using reflections to communicate. Levi sometimes feels like he’s in a cheesy movie whenever it does that. If they do ever communicate, Levi prefers communicating in his head, and not have their interaction be out in the open. Levi would rather not look insane.

Although, even if he does try to talk to it, it never responds. Honestly, it’s like it only talks to Levi when it wants to. Not unless Levi does the whole clock ritual, but that only felt like a last resort. And Levi always felt ridiculous when performing it.

There is a month where all of that is an exception, though. Where the alter talks directly to Levi, unprompted. The month where the anniversary date lies in. And it was this month.

Usually on this month, it talks to Levi. Just in whispers, like a reminder that it exists; a parasite in Levi’s mind. However, the last time it ever assumed control over Levi’s body was years and years ago. 

Specifically, the night Uncle Kenny was arrested.

On anniversaries of that night, Levi’s alter is more aggressive in his head.

Levi wouldn’t have any memory of that night, of course. He wasn’t the one at the so-called ‘helm’. Instead, he sat in a quiet and peaceful corner in his mind where he had no worries. He was surrounded with fresh air, and completely alone, with no one to hurt him or hold him down. 

Although, as his mother recounts the events of that night to Levi, apparently… ‘Levi’ was hysterical.

He was screaming and sobbing, trying to break free from the police’s hold as he watches tearfully as his beloved uncle was being dragged to a police car. Levi barely cared about how he looked, his clothes were ripped and tattered, covered in blood and fluids that could only be his. And he cried like a child in a tantrum while the ‘big men’ take his ‘daddy’ away.

Just thinking about it makes Levi sick. He was so at peace in his head, he had no idea what was going on. He only woke up in a hospital, where a really lovely nurse was checking his vitals and talking to his mama.

Levi didn’t even know what happened, and had to hear it from someone else, since his mama couldn’t speak out of utter shock. 

Apparently, one of the neighbors reported some strange noises from their home, and the police came. Then, Uncle Kenny was caught red-handed. No one told Levi what that looked like, though. It was probably best if they didn’t—Levi does not like the idea of throwing up all over such a clean room.

After that whole incident, Levi had to stay with his father and his new wife for a bit. Mama was too in shock over her brother’s actions, that she was submitted to a facility for a few months. Levi didn’t see her for a long time.

Levi loves his dad, but he doesn’t like his dad that much. Even before his parents divorced, he still always respected his father despite not liking him. Mostly because his dad just never once accepted that Levi was a boy now. He always wished that Levi ‘stayed as a girl’, but Levi never really felt like one.

Still, Levi knew his dad would look after him that time. Despite his conservative views about Levi’s chosen gender, he still harbored affection for Levi. There was still that attachment, since Levi was also his creation. 

Levi used to be in such a religious environment when his family was still whole. Must be why he trusted Uncle Kenny so easily, and went along with everything he told him—the younger version of Levi valued family and religion above all, it was how his father raised him. One of the rules was that he should always listen to grown ups because they always know better.

So, because of that, his father thought it had been partially his fault as well. Both of Levi’s parents blamed themselves. Although, his papa reacted differently than his mama. Sometimes, Levi would even see him have an uncomfortable expression. He probably imagined what Uncle Kenny did to him, or her—his ‘daughter’ who actually calls himself his son. 

His alter never assumed control after Kenny again. Just whispers now, and Levi has been doing so well for the past few years.

But he has a bad feeling about this one. Mostly because it has never physically touched Levi before now. It was always just a voice in his head, or a reflection in his mind. But now, whenever Levi sleeps or closes his eyes, he would feel a ghost of a body identical to his, just embracing him from behind. Levi can’t explain it, but despite the phantom warmth and comfort he somehow receives from it, Levi knows it shouldn’t be happening. Not with his condition, anyway. He isn’t supposed to feel his alter. Something else would be at play there.

It creeps him out. But he knew that therapy helped him before, so why shouldn’t it now? Levi will be fine in no time.

“Levi,” a voice catches his attention on the way outside of the classroom alongside the other students.

Levi pulls his headphones back, turning to his professor. “Yes, sir?”

Mr. Smith smiles at him a little. “Will you come to my office after class? I’d like some help with grading and reading. Do you mind?”

Levi presses his lips together. “Uh… I was planning to come anyway, sir. It’s my job,” he shrugs, and Mr. Smith only chuckles.

“Ah, that’s good. I’m glad. I was wondering that perhaps you might forget to come see me later,” Mr. Smith nods, then proceeds to flip through some papers. “Thank you, Levi.”

He nods, putting his headphones back on as he walks out of the classroom.

Mr. Smith is really nice. He is Levi’s History teacher as a sophomore, but Levi already met him as a freshman. It was because Hange dragged Levi to the journalism club, where Mr. Smith oversaw the school paper. Mr. Smith would review the photographs that Levi would take, and he would be the one picking which to use. So, Levi was already acquainted with Mr. Smith way before he even became his professor.

They were already familiar with each other, but of course, back as a freshman, Levi didn’t see Mr. Smith every day. Back then, it was only once every two weeks. Levi’s job was just to take pictures at live campus events, so he wasn’t really required to stay at the club office. Levi would be there in the red room for about an hour, just developing the pictures. Then he would leave once the photos were hung up and still dripping. It was up to Mr. Smith or the student leaders to pick which photos to use. Or none, it didn’t really matter to Levi. It gave him something to do at least.

Hange is the real deal in the journalism field. They’re the one who writes something and it immediately goes to front page. Hange is always the first at the latest scoop for school events. And they were the first to befriend Levi when he was still adjusting from being homeschooled, to being in such a huge university.

When he and his mama moved to Paradis from Paris, it was a fresh start for both of them. Neither of them really know anyone here and no one knew them, so it was a clear blank slate. It was comforting, because Levi didn’t want his mama to feel ashamed every day because of what happened to Levi. Not in a sense that she is ashamed of Levi. 

She was ashamed that she failed Levi. The shame drives her to feel embarrassed around her son, as if she is humiliated by her own failure and she didn’t want Levi to be surrounded by such a mother.

She would never say it, she was too nice for her own good. She never once looked at him in discomfort or disgust, unlike his father. Levi’s mama is so kind and loving, she would never admit to Levi that what happened to him somehow embarasses her rather than the notion of her being disgusted by him. In her eyes, what happened to Levi is a sign of her parental negligence.

She was embarrassed of her brother’s actions, and she found it hard to face Levi with that feeling of embarrassment; she probably feels undeserving to still have Levi under her custody, solely because Levi chose her when asked which parent he would rather stay with.

Levi knows all of that, and he doesn’t need her to say it. He knows, and just ignores it since that is what she is choosing to do, too.

But when he needs help, he knows she will always try to help him. The shame she feels is not just about Levi, but of herself as well. She is ashamed enough to always try to compensate for her relationship with Levi to the point where she would do anything for him now. It was because she feels inadequate of being a mother, because how did she allow her brother so do such unspeakable things to her own child? How did she not see any of the signs?

Levi doesn’t fault her for anything. She has always been a good mother to him, he always believed that and felt it. It was just that his uncle knew her too well, and knew how exactly to lie to her and hide such a thing so well from her. 

And Levi, well… he was just a child. He didn’t know any better. Now that he’s an adult, he knows that everything that happened to him was wrong and disgusting. While he wasn’t exactly present for most of it, he still feels the effects it left on his body and soul.

Sometimes, his skin would just feel as if there were too many hands… or on worse days, not enough hands.

He shakes the thoughts away from his head, Levi needs to focus on school now. Getting extra credit would mean he could get into a good grad school, and Mr. Smith was his best option. A letter of recommendation by him would do wonders for Levi, which is initially why he applied for the student assistant position. 

He was surprised he was chosen because usually, professors would pick seniors. Levi was only a sophomore, and yet Mr. Smith picked him out of hundreds of applicants. He must think Levi has potential, and Levi can’t let that go to waste.

An undergraduate degree is good, but a degree from grad school? Levi can look for a properly paying job, and he and his mama will want for nothing. The past will eventually fade and Levi would live normally. He can focus on better things like making his mama’s life easier by not letting her work anymore, and letting him take care of her instead.

Levi knocks on the door, and instead of hearing a voice that will tell him to come in, the door opens. Mr. Smith offers a kind smile. “Levi, good afternoon,” he greets, then steps aside to allow him in.

When Levi enters the office, he notices that it was clean. And pretty wide. There’s a large bookshelf nearby the desk, displaying trophies. The wall behind the desk also displays certificates quite neatly. Probably related to the school paper, or his achievements in historical research. 

Mr. Smith is a very well known individual in Paradis, especially in the campus. The charismatic professor that everyone looks up to. Levi would sometimes see him walk around the campus, a paper coffee cup in one hand, and a white folder in the other. He always looks well put together as well. Not too professional, but not too homely. Just a cotton vest over a comfortable button-up, and black slacks paired with shiny black shoes.

His achievements are all in display on the shelves and walls, and there was a pinboard near the door where some written messages are also displayed. Taking a closer look, they were all from students who admire him.

Levi’s course was Social Work, which sounds a bit ironic now really. But Levi has always been interested in work involving helping people, as cliché as that may sound. Apparently, he was required to choose an elective, and when he checked the list, he saw that History was with Mr. Smith. Without thinking too much about it, Levi just picked that one. The other electives sound boring. At least with history, Levi can practice writing and researching. That way, he’d be more prepared once he attempts to get a master’s degree.

“I apologize. You’re supposed to have your own desk, but it hasn’t arrived yet. Might arrive in a few days, though,” Mr. Smith sheepishly smiles, and Levi turns his gaze away from the pinboard. Mr. Smith got him a desk?

“It’s okay. I can work on the floor,” he shrugs, turning back to the pinboard. “Are these all from this year’s students?”

“Ah, yes,” his professor stands next to him, admiring the board as well. “Some are thank-you notes from professors whose research papers I peer-checked. Some are from students from that workshop I attended a few months ago. They were tasked to write notes, so it was not exactly out of the heart,” he chuckles. “Still, I treasure anything that is written addressed to me. I’m quite a sentimental man.”

“Hm,” Levi glances at him. “Do you have any work for me, sir?”

“Oh, yes,” he turns to walk to the desk. “I need you to read some of these submissions and tell me what you think,” Mr. Smith hands him a clear envelope of papers. “They’re from the seniors.”

Levi blinks. “You want me to review the works of seniors?”

Mr. Smith chuckles. “Your writing skills are unparalleled, Levi. Even better than my own history students. It’s a wonder why you never chose journalism.”

“Doesn’t bring that much money on the long-run. Not unless you’re the type to wait,” Levi sets down his bag on the floor.

Mr. Smith chuckles again. “Ah, that does make sense. But it doesn’t hurt to write for the school paper instead of only taking photographs.”

“I’m not good with school paper writing,” Levi mutters. “It’s news writing. It’s different from… this,” he pulls out a stapled document. “It’s about the history of the atom, and how it relates to modern society’s views the development of technology. The school paper wouldn’t let these type of stuff on the front page,” Levi comments, then tenses as he glances at the awards behind his professor. “No offense. Sir.”

Still, Mr. Smith just smiles at him as Levi sits with his legs crossed on the floor. “None taken, of course. And I agree with you. Topics like that would bore a vast majority of students in the university. People here would rather read about which sports team won a national championship, than read about how the Greeks had the concept of atoms before the microscope was even created.”

Levi relaxes. Mr. Smith understood his language. “Exactly,” he nods, then looks down at the paper. “So… I just have to read all of this and tell you my opinion, sir? Aren’t I supposed to be helping you grade tests instead?”

“Hm. I’m not entirely sure. It’s my first time taking in a student assistant.”

Levi is surprised. “You’ve never done this before, sir?”

“No.”

“Then…”

“Then why pick you, a sophomore? Like I said, I admire the way you write. You speak your mind, and you’re not too intimidated by me. I feel that you’re comfortable with me around, yes?”

“Yes, sir,” Levi nods obediently. “It’s obviously my first time as a student assistant, so… I’ll help as you tell me to.”

Mr. Smith looks pleased by that. “I’m glad,” he tilts his head. “The floor seems uncomfortable, I apologize again. Your desk—”

“It’s really okay, sir,” Levi reassures. “It’s not uncomfortable at all. I study on the floor sometimes, so this is okay.”

“Talented and resilient,” Mr. Smith smiles. “Is there anything Levi Ackerman cannot do?” He says in an amused tone before walking to his own desk to continue working. “Use post-it notes if you want to mark something on the papers. I also prefer blue ink, but a pencil is fine if you don’t have a blue pen. If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to speak up, Levi.”

“Yes, sir.”

They both resume their work, and Levi intently reads every single line of every single paper. An hour passes, and Levi is lying on his stomach on the carpeted floor, still reading and writing notes as he goes. He ends up finishing after another hour, and he gets up from the floor with the neatly orders stapled papers, offering them to his professor.

Mr. Smith is surprised, yet delighted. “Goodness. You’re finished already? I could’ve sworn you’d ask to take these home.”

“I know the rules. I can’t take home any files by another student,” Levi states, and that only makes Mr. Smith chuckle.

“My, you are a marvel, aren’t you?” He accepts the papers and bows his head a bit. At his complimenting words, Levi only hums. “Thank you, Levi. I’ll be sure to consider your words as I grade these tonight. You’ve been a great help.”

Levi nods, placing his blue pen into his bag. “Is there anything else you’d like for me to do, sir?”

Mr. Smith checks the time. “Well, it’s already five. Why don’t you go on home? We’ll meet again tomorrow?”

“I have class tomorrow the whole morning, and afternoon from four to five, sir.”

“Oh, right! Yes, send me your schedule. I’ll give you my email,” Mr. Smith writes it down on a piece of paper. “How about after lunch tomorrow? It’ll only take an hour.”

Levi nods. “Yeah, that’s okay, sir.”

“Perfect. I’ll see you tomorrow, Levi.”

Arriving home, Levi’s mama greets him with a hug as usual. He briefly tells her about his job as a student assistant, and while it isn’t paid, at least Levi is getting extra credit. And if he does a good enough job, his professor might write him a recommendation letter for grad school. His mama looks very proud of him as she squeezes his cheek.

“I spoke to your therapist today,” Kuchel begins, and Levi was drinking some water. “She said that you could start coming on Sunday mornings, is that fine with you, love?”

Levi thinks about it for a moment. “Yeah, it’s okay. I don’t have much going on during Sundays anyway. Especially mornings.”

“That’s good, I’ll call her now,” she gets up from the chair, but Levi stops her.

“It’s okay, mama. I can call her instead,” Levi gets up, walking to the wall where their telephone is held. 

Levi only needed his mama to check if his usual therapist was available, because his mama could explain his situation better than he can. But since Levi is an adult, he should keep trying to act like it. That includes calling his therapist himself.

Dr. Fritz is a really nice lady. She was very accepting of Levi, especially in terms of his gender. While it is different on paper, she goes at his pace when he introduced himself to her. She never failed at making Levi comfortable, she had both a professional and maternal instinct with her that Levi couldn’t just describe. She is a really good therapist. The reason why Levi stopped going to therapy was not a sleight to her service, of course. It was more-so because Levi thought he was getting better after a few years, but the a shaky anniversary month has come up while he is at his peak during college. Levi isn’t sure how that will turn out. 

While it hasn’t assumed Levi’s body at its helm for years upon years, the whispers in Levi’s head only recently gotten worse for some reason. Levi can’t pinpoint the true reason as to why its whispers are getting so incessantly loud and incoherent lately, but maybe Dr. Fritz can help him figure it out and avoid a possible trigger.

Levi never tried to fight his alter over control of his body before, mostly because Levi was all too willing to hand it the helm back then, so Levi can be at peace in his mind instead. But Dr. Fritz once warned him about it. Apparently, it happens a lot to people like him. Fighting over control. Levi heard it is worse for people with many alters. Levi somehow feels only a little bit lucky that he only has one.

Dr. Fritz did tell him that if an episode gets to a point where it is too overwhelming, another new alter might pop up to fill the role his current alter can’t. Levi felt a little lightheaded when he learned about that, because he feels sick about the thought of having more than one voice inside his head. He is already struggling with one. He hopes that it’ll stay as ‘one.’

Levi’s week rolls by normally. He attends class, goes to Mr. Smith on an agreed time, help with his workload, and then Levi goes home.

It wasn’t until Sunday comes, and Levi rings the doorbell of his therapist’s home.

Dr. Fritz opens it with a warm smile. “Levi. It’s been a while,” she allows him inside. “How are you?”

“I’m okay,” Levi walks to the familiar hallway, where he is led to a comfortable setting where sessions would happen. 

It looked the same as it was before. Although, Dr. Fritz changed her curtains. They’re a pale yellow now instead of sage green. It feels warm here, and comforting.

She sits across from him, and Levi still remembers the way this sofa feels so soft under him. Dr. Fritz smiles a bit. “So, I heard that you’re a sophomore in college now, is that right?”

“Yeah,” he watches her pour some tea for him. Dr. Fritz is always so considerate, Levi almost sighs. “I volunteered as a student assistant, too. And a photojournalist.”

“That’s wonderful, Levi. You seem very active in university. It’s a good look on you. Do you prefer it over being homeschooled?”

“Yeah…” Levi admits quietly. “It’s… nice to be around people, I guess. Learning about the same things, listening to the same lectures. There’s a whole order to it. I like public schools better,” he explains, picking up the cup of tea. “It’s… why I had my mom call you. To set up an appointment.”

“Why is that?”

Levi sips his tea for a bit, and purses his lips. “I can… hear it again. I always had, but it’s different this time. It’s louder, but I can’t understand anything it’s saying. It all sounds like noise in my ear, honestly. It’s making it hard to concentrate or sleep,” he frowns. “I’ve been doing well at uni, I don’t want this to get in the way of that.”

“Hm… that does follow your pattern, because of the significance of this month to you,” she nods. “Have you tried taking a moment to concentrate, and talking to your alter? Even just in your head?”

“I did, but it won’t respond. Not coherently anyway. It’s just sounds. Just talking at me, and I physically can’t understand a word,” Levi snorts. “It’s like I have an entire tribe choir in my ear,” he tries to joke to make light of the situation, but it only comes out as tired. Levi hasn’t had proper sleep lately. “I only heard, uh… one coherent sentence, though.”

“Would you like to tell me?”

Levi nods. “It’s just… accusing me that I’m thinking about…” he couldn’t help but swallow. “Him.”

Dr. Fritz nods slowly. “And were you?”

Levi clenches his teeth, not wanting to answer but he knew that not answering was as good as answering anyway. So, Levi takes in a breath, and speaks. “On this month every year, he’s all I think about,” he quietly admits, mostly to himself than to his therapist. 

“What makes this year different, do you think?”

Levi shrugs. “I was hoping you’d help me figure out what it is. Everything is so normal lately. I go to school, write notes, assist, then go back home. Sometimes, I’d hang out with Hange and other people, but… everything is just normal. Nothing I can point out and say, ‘oh, this is possibly triggering it to be louder lately,’” Levi explains.

“Can you guess? Or make assumptions? Nothing?”

Levi shakes his head. “Everything is fine. I don’t feel like anything is wrong. Just… I don’t know how to make it go away. I want it to go away. I like my life right now,” his brows furrow in desperation. “I don’t want it to ruin anything.”

“You’ll be okay, Levi,” Dr. Fritz reassures him. “Just avoid stressful situations. You’re a student assistant now, yes?” She asks, and Levi nods. “That would be additional work for you, on top of studies and photojournalism. Is it hard?”

Levi shakes his head. “No. Mr. Smith is very nice to me. He doesn’t give complicated tasks at all.”

“That’s good to hear, I’m glad,” she nods, then sees the way Levi is fidgeting with his hands. “Tell me about Mr. Smith. Is he your favorite professor?”

Levi shakes his head. “Not really. I mean, he’s good, and great at his job. But History is just an elective to me. I’m more interested in my Social Work subjects. My professors are Social Workers, so that’s really cool,” he tells her. “Mr. Smith’s the head of the school paper, so he decides what’s going to be on it. I take pictures for events, ever since freshman year.”

“Is he a kind professor to you? As his assistant.”

Levi nods. “Yeah, he’s nice. Very orderly too. His entire office is just filled with trophies and certificates, even messages from other people who were thankful for his help with research. All that,” he mutters, and Dr. Fritz softens. “It’s Monday tomorrow, so that means I’ll have to meet him during lunch instead of after.”

“Describe your professor to me,” she smiles at him, comforting.

“Uh… okay, um…” Levi thinks for a moment. “He’s very smart. He’s brilliant, I should say. Everyone at my uni always talks about how lucky I am to be assisting him and learning from him. They were all expecting him to take a history student, and not someone like me.”

“Someone like you?”

“My course is social work,” Levi shrugs. “History is just an elective of mine. That’s what he teaches. I was surprised he picked me, too.” Levi pauses. “I think he’s really quick to understand what I’m trying to say, even though I’m really bad at explaining. And he listens. I help grade some of the essays he has to read, so I make notes. It makes it easier for him to skim the papers. He trusts me with half his workload. Being a professor like him makes it hard to keep track of everything, so I do it for him. He’s a good person.”

Dr. Fritz watches him for a moment, then her lips form a smaller smile. “Levi, do you think that perhaps spending time with another older male figure is giving you these confusing feelings?”

Levi stays quiet for a second. “…What do you mean?”

“I’m asking if you feel comfortable around this Mr. Smith of yours?”

“Yeah, of course,” Levi frowns. “Like I said, he’s really nice.”

“And do you think that spending time with a really nice older male figure is giving you conflicted perceptions on how older male figures should act? Considering you haven’t been surrounded by good ones in your life?”

Levi softens. “I… well, I… didn’t see it like that. It’s just my job.”

Dr. Fritz chuckles. “Perhaps this Mr. Smith is good for you. He’s giving you a different angle on how authority figures should be. You’re still adjusting.”

“But…”

“Levi, adjustment does not have a due date. It can even take years to adjust, and that’s okay,” she reassures him. “I encourage you to continue assisting Mr. Smith for as long as you’d like. Who knows? He could be the key to you being more comfortable around older men. From how you describe him, he’s a very nice man who cares for his students. I’m glad you’ve met someone who is like that.”

“I’m sorry, but what’s that got to do with it being louder in my head?” Levi frowns while gesturing to his temple.

“Well, now this is only an assumption,” she reminds. “I think your alter is rejecting the idea that a man could be as nice as Mr. Smith. It is rejecting that such a man should exist, because it’s very much used to the opposite.”

“Oh…” Levi considers a bit then nods. “Yeah, that makes sense. It’s just annoying. I know that good people exist. Sounds like the other one in my brain doesn’t know that.”

“It rejects the idea completely. Maybe it even doesn’t want you being around your professor. Maybe… being around him annoys your alter so much because it doesn’t like Mr. Smith for you.”

“What does that mean?”

“I’ve met many people with alters who are extremely possessive over the host. Either they want to protect the host from bad people, or keep them away from good people to keep them from getting better,” Dr. Fritz tells him. “I wouldn’t advise you to stop listening to your alter, but I would say that you should continue trying to talk to it. Explain that any good person that comes to your life, will be good for both of you. After all, you share the same brain and same body. Anything that makes you feel safe and secure would be healthy. Mr. Smith or anyone else that is also as kind to you. Try talking to your alter this week, and come tell me what he says next time, yes?”

Levi nods, and the session ends right on the dot. Dr. Fritz gives him sweets, like she always did when Levi was much younger than now. Habits are hard to break. Levi goes home and cooks lunch for his mama.

Talk to his alter, huh? Easier said than done. Levi didn’t want to talk to it through reflections, it makes him feel a little disturbed and cartoonish. And stereotyped like in those silly novels. It’ll have to be through his mind. Maybe if Levi concentrates enough, he can enter that little space in his head where he could retreat and relax. Maybe he will find his alter in there.

So, Levi attempts it during the afternoon. His mind is a bit stronger now at this age, and since he has grown up a lot, he has more control over things. It should be less difficult than when he was in elementary school.

He puts a ticking pocketwatch on the pillow next to his head. Levi closes his eyes after laying on his back on the bed, concentrating on the ticking sound surrounding him until it begins to echo and slow down. He hasn’t tried this method in a while, since he would only try to talk to his alter in the usual way. It never worked though, so this was a last resort. Levi just needs to clear his mind, and…

His eyes abruptly open, and he was now in a familiar cottage. The air is lighter, and the scent of pinecones lingers. The scent was like he was in Paris again, but the visuals were like if he was in a meadow.

Something Levi mastered through the years was building this space. When he first entered it, it was a complete dark void. Empty and just… nothing. He was only a child back then, so he would’ve had no idea what to do. All Levi felt back then was a reflection of what the void was. He felt empty, numb, and so fucking scared.

Looking back, he was scared when his brain forced him to retreat here, instead of living through the experience of abuse out there. Levi remembers just falling to his knees and crying while he felt trapped in a void with nothing to look at or nothing to even grasp.

Now, that void is a meadow that Levi carefully crafted through the years. Like building from scratch. He learned this through Dr. Fritz. She said that the mind is a wonderful thing, and it allows you to picture anything you like. As long as Levi had memories and an imagination, he can make his place of retreat no longer appear like a void. Hence, the cottage.

Levi can smell the scent of coffee, and he cringes. He hates coffee. His uncle was obsessed with it, and even let Levi try some when he was still a child. The smell is exactly the way it was even back then. Levi feels a little sick.

“Oh,” he hears a voice behind him, and Levi turns to look at a reflection of himself. Although, instead of seeing it wear different clothes, it had no clothes at all.

Levi looks away. “Fucking hell,” he shields his eyes. “Put some clothes on!”

A laugh. “Well, I wasn’t expecting a guest.”

Levi groans, turning around and refusing to look at his naked self. “We need to talk.”

“Oh?” Levi can hear the sound of coffee being poured into a mug. “This is weird. You never come here on your own. It’s been years. Was it the clock method again? I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Yeah, well, you didn’t give me a choice, considering how you keep fucking whispering bullshit in my ear.”

“What do you mean?”

Levi glances at it, who was wearing clothes now. Thin clothing, but still clothes maybe. “What do I mean? You’ve been keeping me up for the past week. You’re being too loud.”

“Oops,” his alter smiles, covering his mouth like an ‘oopsie’ gesture, it makes Levi’s blood boil a bit. “Was I too loud? You’re just so busy these days. We should go visit Uncle Kenny.”

Levi clenches his jaw. “What the hell are you talking about? There’s no ‘visiting’ that bastard. He’ll rot in prison, and I stay away from him. That was the whole deal—”

“You’re being dramatic,” his alter laughs. “Come on, it’s been like a decade! You should get over it, and visit Uncle Kenny. He must be really lonely in that cell,” he pouts.

Levi’s arms cover with goosebumps of disgust. “You’re fucking revolting. This is why I don’t want to talk to you. I’m just here to say tone it down a little. I’m doing important shit out there. I don’t need your…” he vaguely gestures at him. “Everything-ness to ruin all of that.”

“Are you talking about Mr. Smith?” His alter lights up, and Levi furrows his brows. He sighs dreamily, resting his chin on his palms. “He’s so handsome, isn’t he?”

Levi’s eyes widen. “What?”

“Mr. Erwin Smith,” he says, smiling. “Oh, even his name gives me goosebumps.”

Levi blinks rapidly. “He’s my professor.”

“So?”

“…So? Don’t fucking talk about him like that!” So much for Dr. Fritz assumption that his alter wants to keep Levi away from Mr. Smith for being a good person.

“Like what? Like…” his alter leans in across the coffee table a bit, eyes drooping. “How tall he is? How his arm and back muscles would press against his tight shirt? How his thighs would sink into his office chair?”

Levi swallows, staring at his alter in horror. “Why are you… what?”

“Oh, don’t pretend, Levi. What you see is also what I see. And while you don’t get to see what I do, that doesn’t apply to me. I know everything you do, I’m better than you. Your mind is only your own, but my mind is a combination of yours and my separate one,” he tilts his head teasingly. “If anything, I should be the host of this body,” he says amusedly, then taps on Levi’s button nose from across the table. “But the only advantage you have on me is the fact that you control who’s on the helm,” the alter sighs. “I can’t control our body unless you let me.”

Levi feels much better hearing that last part, but the rest is just… uncomfortable to know. Because it’s true. There are things that Levi doesn’t know, but it knows. But there is nothing Levi knows that it doesn’t know.

This entity living in Levi’s head, it sees everything through Levi’s eyes, but it wasn’t the way around.  Its been like that because Levi didn’t want to experience things the way it does. Like a one-way mirror. That was how things were since the beginning; because there are many things Levi did not want to know. Things he would rather not know, so it experiences everything for Levi instead. Levi can’t undo that for some reason.

“But what you feel isn’t what I feel,” Levi firmly states. “Whatever weird shit you’re thinking about Mr. Smith, I don’t want to know. You’ve gotta be kidding. That guy is like twice my age. Just… just be quiet. I need sleep.”

His alter smiles. “You may not feel what I feel, but… you haven’t thought about it?”

“Thought… thought about what?” Levi’s brows furrow, but he immediately regrets asking.

“About bouncing on that fucking co—”

Levi groans to cut them off, and his alter only laughs while throwing its head back. “It’s not fucking funny. Don’t talk about him like that! Mr. Smith is a great man, maybe even one of the greatest I’ve ever met. You need to respect him like I do, or I’ll never come back here again.”

At those words, a flicker of panic appears across his alter’s eyes. “Wait, no. I’ll… I’ll be good. I’m sorry. You… you should visit.”

Levi relaxes, but somehow, a part of him doesn’t trust those words. He sighs. “Just behave and be quiet. Whatever you’re thinking about Uncle Kenny, it’s not happening. And he’s in Paris, I don’t even have the means to visit or whatever it is you want to do. I’m far away from him, don’t you get it yet? Even after all these years? He won’t hurt me again.”

The alter wavers a bit, but says nothing back. Levi sighs heavily again.

“I’m going to sleep. And you’re going to be quiet. Do you hear me?” Levi approaches him. “You’re my alter, but remember that I’m older than you. And you listen to your elders, right?”

The alter stares at Levi for a moment and slowly nods.

Levi looks relieved. “Good. I’ll come back in a week.  Just… whatever you see or feel about whoever I meet, keep it to yourself,” Levi holds back a grimace.

“Good night, Levi. I hope you sleep well.”

He does that night. It was quiet, and peaceful. Having that talk was just what Levi needed. He hasn’t slept that good in weeks.

***

When he goes downstairs to have breakfast, his mother is already washing plates.

“Oh, are you hungry again, love?” Kuchel asks.

“Yeah,” Levi sits down. “Did you eat already?”

Kuchel looks at him from over her shoulder and chuckles. “What?” She turns back to washing the dishes. “Of course, silly goose. Go on, keep eating. There’s plenty more.”

Levi hums, then grabs a plate to serve himself. Kuchel watches as he fills his plate quite humbly, barely filling half. Kuchel reaches over to pat his head. “Hey, you can add more. Earlier, you were ripping up a whole new storm.”

Levi blinks. “Earlier?”

Kuchel stares at him. “Yes? You already came downstairs to eat. You were eating quite ravenously, too. Are you okay darling?”

It takes a moment to sink in, then Levi’s entire face pales.

Chapter Text

“Hello?” Erwin says as he picks up the phone from his desk.

“…M-Mr. Smith.”

Erwin blinks and puts his pen down after stopping to write. “Who is this?”

“It’s, um… it’s Levi, sir.”

“Ah, yes. Hello, Levi,” Erwin smiles, leaning back into his seat. “Is there something the matter?”

“I-I can’t meet with you for lunch today. I’m sorry. I feel a little… sick.”

“Oh, that’s fine. Are you alright? Do you need the hospital—”

“N-No, everything’s fine, sir, it’s just… I can’t go to school today. Or even tomorrow. I’m not sure.”

“Ah…” Erwin trails off. “Well, do you have someone to take care of you at least? You mentioned you’re not living in the dormitories.”

“…Yes, I live at home just a bus ride away, so I don’t need a dorm. My ma—mother is here. She’s, um… yeah. I’m sorry again. Also for calling out of the blue. I didn’t think an email would be enough.”

“That’s fine, Levi. You’re welcome to call or send an email any time,” Erwin informs him. “Get well soon, then. Call or send an email when you’re coming back, yes? Keep me posted. I’d like to know if my assistant is feeling well enough to take on some tasks again,” Erwin smiles.

“Yes, sir. Sorry again.”

“No need to apologize. I’ll see you, Levi.”

“Yes…” Levi’s voice is quiet. “Thank you, sir.”

Erwin pulls the phone away from his ear, and sets it back down to continue working. He briefly wonders why his assistant’s voice sounded shaky. Hopefully, it wasn’t too bad of an illness.

Levi sighs once Mr. Smith hangs up, and he returns the phone to the wall. He starts pacing and his mama watches him with worry.

“Are you sure you don’t remember coming down for breakfast?” Kuchel asks, nervous.

“I think I’d remember if I really did eat four sandwiches and five pancakes, ma,” Levi sighs, exasperated. “This isn’t supposed to happen. It isn’t supposed to control me without my say so. Or whatever. God, this shouldn’t be happening. Why now… why now?!” Levi kicks the cushioned chair, and Kuchel barely flinches.

“Darling…”

“I-If I go to school like this, who knows if it could control me out of nowhere? I-I can’t let that happen. Mr. Smith will fire me and have me replaced. I… I can’t have that,” Levi’s face twists. “I need to go see Dr. Fritz, ma. This can’t happen to me.”

Kuchel frowns. “She wouldn’t be in until Sunday, love. You know this. Your appointment is on—”

“I-It shouldn’t matter! It’s not like these episodes are scheduled!” Levi pants, panicking.

“Calm down, sweetie. How about you call ahead, yeah? Or keep the session on the phone for now?”

Levi calms down a little, and grabs the phone again. He dials Dr. Fritz number, and it rings for a bit before he hears her voice.

“Doctor, it’s… it’s me, Levi.” 

“Oh, Levi! Hello, good morning. How are you?”

“I’ll go straight to the point. I’m sorry. My alter took over my body really really briefly, and I wasn’t aware. In my point of view, I just woke up and went downstairs to eat breakfast before going to school. But my ma said I already had breakfast, and ate more than I usually would eat. I don’t remember any of it, and I think I’m about to lose my mind. This hasn’t happened in years, and not like this,” Levi speaks rapidly, and Kuchel winces as she watches him. “Usually, I’d subconsciously hand over control if something… bad happened to me. But nothing happened. Everything was normal. This can’t happen again, I go to uni—I’m a student now. A real student. I-If I slip during the day—”

“Levi, let’s slow down, honey,” Dr. Fritz calmly urges, and Levi catches his breath. “Deep breaths. That’s it. That’s it. Now, from what I gather, your alter only had breakfast, yes? And returned to bed so you wake up as yourself?”

“Y-Yeah,” Levi hiccups. “Please, help me. I don’t want it to happen again. It can’t happen again. I’d have to stop going to school again. Please,” his voice shook. “I-I love being at school. It makes me feel like… like a normal person my age. I forget the things that happened to me back then. But if this happens again, I would have no idea how to switch back, and it’ll make people look at me,” Levi leans against the wall. “Please help me fix this.”

Dr. Fritz hums. “Oh, Levi. I hear you. I completely understand. How about we reschedule your next session to twice a week, yes? I have an open slot during Wednesdays afternoon. You can come in by Wednesdays and Sundays, would that be okay with you?”

“Yeah, yes,” Levi nods. “Anything.”

“Alright. I’ll see you in two days, but this line is open any time, okay?”

“Okay, th-thank you.”

“You’re welcome, honey.”

Levi puts the phone back to the wall, and tears fall down his face. Kuchel’s chest clenches, and she approaches him to offer a hug. Levi leans into her shoulder and sobs.

Well, one breakfast truly did ruin everything. Who would’ve thought?

***

The next time Levi got to school again was on a Friday. After a session with Dr. Fritz, Levi felt a little bit better. And he tried talking to his alter again, using the same pocket watch method.

And nothing.

Not that Levi is completely shut out of the cottage. The cottage was very much still there. It was the alter who disappeared. Levi searched through every nook and cranny, but no matter where he looked for it in the void, it was nowhere to be found. Like it just vanished. 

His mama monitored him, too. And would make sure to recount whatever she observed him doing, in case something was out of place.

But nothing. Everything went back to normal.

Maybe it was just a fluke. Just a momentary relapse that Levi panicked over nothing about. It made him feel uneasy. But day by day, nothing happens again. And Levi felt safe enough to return to campus.

Friends and classmates would ask where he had been for the last two weeks, and he only said that he went somewhere to visit some relatives. It was the easiest excuse, but Hange was the only one who pressed.

“Ha?! You said you don’t have relatives around Paradis!”

“I said I went somewhere, genius. Knock it off,” Levi shrugs them off his arm during lunch in the cafeteria. “Besides. It’s only been a few weeks. Not like I missed anything,” he raises two pieces of the school paper for different weeks he was absent. 

“The photographer we got was shit!” Hange whispers. “It really made me miss you. You know, Mr. Smith asked about you, too.”

“He did?”

“Oh, yeah! He did mention that you called him once, but, you only said you’ll be gone for two days. He didn’t think it’ll turn into two weeks.”

Levi cringes. Oh, fuck. He forgot to tell Mr. Smith. He’s so stupid! Levi won’t be surprised if he already had a replacement over the weeks. Levi scrambles to gather his bag, and grabs an apple to eat on the way, while Hange calls out to them in confusion. Levi hurriedly makes his way to Mr. Smith’s office, knocking calmly despite his frantic run.

It takes a moment, then the door opens. Mr. Smith reels back in surprise. “Levi, you’ve returned.”

“Y-Yeah, I’m, uh… I’m sorry, sir,” he bows a little. “I should’ve come to you first, but my class was so early in the morning, I could’ve missed it if I hadn’t—”

“It’s fine, Levi,” Mr. Smith waves off. “Though, I wasn’t sure if you were going to come back. Being absent for two weeks is quite concerning.”

Levi’s shoulders pull together, and he still had his head hung low. “Sorry, sir.”

“We should talk, come in.”

Levi winces, preparing himself to be sacked. Fuck, this is it. Mr. Smith will tell him he’s not fit for the job, and that he’s found someone else to take over, someone better, and someone from the history department. And Levi can kiss goodbye that recommendation letter that would’ve opened a hundred of doors for him—

“So? What do you think?” Mr. Smith smiles proudly, gesturing to the right.

Levi softens, and his gaze lands on a desk with a chair, and he instantly remembers that Mr. Smith had requested the school for a table matching his, a table for Levi to use instead of working on the floor like he usually does.

Levi blinks, stammering a bit. “I’m… not fired?”

“Fired?” Mr. Smith looks astonished by even the idea. “Of course not, Levi. I would never fire you for being sick. And you have been very very competent with your work, it would be a loss to get rid of you,” Mr. Smith chuckles, reaching over to pat his shoulder, and Levi felt the warmth of his hand. “Now, then. Try sitting down, I hope it is comfortable.”

Levi obeys, sitting down and feeling it. He nods. “It’s comfortable, sir.”

“Comfor-table, as the kids would say, yes?” Mr. Smith chuckles.

Levi stares at him, blinking.

Mr. Smith clears his throat. “Tough crowd. Anyway, I’ve gathered some tasks for you to work on, if you’re free? Same as usual, read and gives notes. Blue ink or pencil.”

Levi nods, and Mr. Smith hands him some folder. Something else catches Levi’s eye. “You got a sofa, too.”

“Oh, yes. I made it come with the table request I made. It’s quite comfortable, so if you’d like to take a nap after a tiresome class, you’re free to come here and do so,” Mr. Smith chuckles.

“…I’m allowed to do that?”

“But of course. You’re my assistant. You can treat my office as yours as well now, too. Hence,” he gestures at the table.

Levi gives him a lingering look. “You really have never taken any assistant before, have you, sir?” There is a hint of amusement in his tone.

Mr. Smith only chuckles. “I’m sure that is very obvious.”

“Why did you get one now? You’ve been in this university before I was even in high school. How old are you anyway?”

“Careful, Levi,” Mr. Smith teases before returning to his desk not far away.

“…Sorry. Sir.”

“I’m only jesting. And I’m thirty-seven.”

Mr. Smith is seventeen years older than Levi? That’s pretty cool. Levi bets that Mr. Smith is very wise already. He probably has many experiences that Levi will never have. Not yet, anyway.

“Thirty-seven? Isn’t that way too young for a professor?” Levi did hear that Mr. Smith is the youngest professor in their university, but Levi never really cared enough to ask what his actual age was. Most of the professors here are fifty or something.

“You’d be surprised to hear this, Levi, but I was quite the hard-worker when I was your age.”

“Uh-huh. Really surprising, sir,” Levi briefly glances at the trophies nearby, and Mr. Smith laughs.

“No, I meant that I worked incredibly hard to get my position. You can get smart with books, but being clever is not something you learn from a page,” Mr. Smith tells him, and Levi looks at him. “That’s right. I did everything I could to get noticed. I even worked as a janitor here once.”

“You? A janitor?” Levi holds back a snort.

“I’m glad that amuses you, Levi, but yes. Even as a student assistant, I was doing my hardest.”

“You were a student assistant?”

“Oh, yes. To a Mr. Zackly back then,” he chuckles. “That man had a knack of hiving me the hardest work, and it was always so satisfying to see his face whenever I accomplish them on time. It was gratifying. I’m sure you know the feeling.”

“I wouldn’t, sir. None of the work you give me are hard. It’s pretty easy,” Levi comments.

That makes Mr. Smith laugh. “Exactly. Mr. Zackly thought he was giving me the hardest of tasks, but I always found them very easy. I was just like you.”

“…You really believe that the stuff you give me are hard?”

“Yes?”

“Try harder next time, sir.“

Mr. Smith narrows his eyes with a smile, resting his elbows on the desk and lacing his fingers. “Is that a challenge I hear, Levi?”

Levi shrugs. “I’m ready for anything.”

“I’m sure you are,” Mr. Smith smiles so kindly. “Get to work.”

“Yes, sir.”

***

Things were back to normal in under a week. Levi gets to school and work for Mr. Smith, then he studies, and takes photographs at events. It was normal again. This is exactly what Levi wanted. 

The sessions with Dr. Fritz were helping a lot. He has been hearing less from his alter. Practically none, even.

Although, the downside of it is that Levi feels so incredibly sleepy so often.

His eyes briefly close, and his head is slowly bowing as a desperate attempt to get him to sleep.

“Levi?”

He flinches, and forces himself awake as he shakes his head.

Mr. Smith is looking down at him from above Levi’s desk, concerned. “Are you falling asleep?”

“Oh. No, I wasn’t. I was just…”

“Was the paper that boring?” Mr. Smith smiles. “Well, I should not be surprised. Some geniuses find many ordinary or mediocre work to be bor—”

“No!” Levi immediately answers. “No, it’s riveting. The way your student talks about fashion in the Roman Empire and comparing it to how modern fashion is so impractical now, it’s really good stuff. I’m sorry.”

“Did you not sleep well last night?”

“…No, it’s,” he sighs. “No, sir.”

“Oh? Is there something keeping you up at night?” Mr. Smith curiously asks, still concerned. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine, sir. I’m sorry, I’m just sleepy. I guess.”

“Then, by all means, feel free to use my sofa,” Mr. Smith smiles, gesturing at the comfortable brown sofa at the other side of the room. “I was being serious about you being allowed to sleep here. We do extensive work, and I’m sure that you do get tired from time to time. I wouldn’t mind if you take a nap for an hour or two. Give yourself a little break.”

“I think I should just settle for tea, sir,” Levi slowly nods.

“I also have that! I can make some—”

“No, sir, it’s fine. It’ll be a bit… embarrassing if my professor is the one making me tea,” Levi sheepishly comments, standing up to start making tea with the kettle nearby.

When Levi sits on the sofa, Mr. Smith joins him for tea and biscuits. Levi sips his own tea, he hums at the taste. “That’s Jasmine.”

“Yes, it was a gift from one of my co-professors,” Mr. Smith smiles. “Do you like it?”

“It’s my favorite. But I think this one just tastes more expensive.”

Mr. Smith huffs a chuckle. “It does, doesn’t it?”

Levi takes another sip. “Would you like some, sir?”

“I wouldn’t mind.”

Without thinking, Levi offers his cup. Mr. Smith stares at it for a moment, and Levi immediately backtracks before the professor lifts his hand to kindly accept the cup. “Oh, sorry, I’ll get you a cup,” Levi feels embarrassed as he pours some into a new cup. “Here.”

Mr. Smith looks amused. “Thank you,” he takes the cup.

“Sorry. I’m used to sharing cups with my mom,” Levi explains. “…Not that I see you as my mom. I’m just saying…”

“I’m glad you are comfortable with me, Levi,” Mr. Smith chuckles, sipping some tea. Levi nods, and allows himself to enjoy this quiet moment with his professor. Levi felt relaxed, and the uneasiness slips away.

Levi nibbles on a biscuit, and feels his eyes drooping again. He feels too tired to function that maybe tea wasn’t even enough. He starts nodding off again, and eventually begins falling to the side.

Out of instinct, Mr. Smith catches Levi’s head with his palm cupping his cheek at an awkward angle to hold him up. Mr. Smith is a bit startled, watching the half-eaten biscuit fall from Levi’s hand and into the boy’s lap.

“Levi?” Erwin calls out, unsure if Levi passed out or just fell asleep for being so tired.

Was the tea expired or something? If that was the case, Levi would be throwing up, not passing out, right? Erwin fills with worry a bit. Should he call a nurse?

He listens, and Levi is breathing normally for someone who is just fast asleep. Perhaps the boy just fell asleep from being to tired.

Erwin sighs, finding it in himself to chuckle before slowly moving off the sofa to gently lower Levi into the armrest to lay his head on it like a pillow. Levi instantly curls up, and continues sleeping. Afterwards, Erwin steps away and returns to his desk, allowing the student to sleep for a bit. 

A few minutes pass, and Levi sits up. Erwin sees this, and smiles to himself. “That was quite a quick nap, wasn’t it? You’re too strict on yourself, Levi. Continue resting if you must.”

Levi slowly turns his head towards Erwin, and his lips curl into a smile. Although, something feels strange in the pit of Erwin’s stomach. He has never seen Levi smile before. He was always so serious looking, even when cracking a joke. Right now, he smiles at Erwin quite sweetly.

Then, as if he wasn’t displaying tiredness earlier, he instantly gets on his feet and makes his way to the chair at the other side of Erwin’s desk that faces him. Levi sits down and crosses his legs elegantly and slowly, in a way that forced Erwin’s eyes to cast towards his legs for the movement.

Levi plops his elbows on his knee, resting his chin into palms. He smiles at Erwin. “Hi.”

Erwin returns the smile. “Hello, Levi. How did you sleep?”

“Wow. I missed this,” he stares at Erwin with such fascination. “Talking directly to another man,” his eyes glaze over. “You have no idea how long I was in there with no human contact,” he scoots the chair forward with an excited grin, laying his arm on the desk with his open palm towards a puzzled Erwin. “Will you touch my hand? I’ve never… I haven’t felt any touch in so long. Please.”

Erwin blinks. “Levi, is… everything okay?”

“Everything is okay, just touch my hand, sir,” he looks desperate, excited, and filled with longing. As if he had been stuck in the desert for so long, and he catches sight of a half-filled water bottle. 

Erwin looks amused, unsure if this is a joke or a running skit. Perhaps even a dare. So, he indulges Levi. Erwin places his larger hand on the boy’s palm, seeing how small Levi’s hand actually is.

Then, Erwin is briefly startled by the full body shudder from Levi across the table, at the act of his palm being touched. 

Mr. Smith’s hand is in mine, he is so warm, and so big, he could cover my entire body with his, oh my fucking god. I want to fuck him. I need him to fuck me against this desk. I want his mouth on my cunt. He needs to cover my mouth with this large hand, or grip my hips to pull me into his cock, I want him. I need to have him. I can't stand this distance. He needs to make me take his cock, and call me a good boy, and tell me he loves me. I need him to praise me, and call me his good little slut—

Erwin blinks. “Levi? Are you okay—”

Then, all of a sudden, Levi’s knee is on the desk, and he reaches forward to grab Erwin by the necktie, yanking him forward in such a feral manner.

Erwin’s eyes widened. “Levi—!”

“You’re so beautiful. I’ve never seen someone so perfect,” his eyes are wild, and Erwin could only stare in astonishment. Levi’s throat bobs as he swallows. “I can’t believe he was keeping you away from me all this time. All I wanted was to be near you, and listen to your voice—”

“L-Levi, what are you doing?!” Erwin pushes him off, and slides his chair back. “This is extremely inappropriate. You need to explain yourself, because this behavior is not tolerable!”

Levi tilts his head, and his eyes grow… big somehow. Like a little puppy, and a slight genuine pout decorates his lips. Erwin has never seen Levi make that face before, and it… it made Erwin scandalized.

“Are you going to report me, Mr. Smith?” Levi places another knee on the desk, effectively crawling slowly on top of it now, in Erwin’s direction. Erwin continues to back away cautiously. “Don’t you like me, sir?”

“Of course I like you, Levi, but this is crossing many lines!”

“We can erase those lines, and Levi won’t even have to know,” He smiles happily. “Come on, Levi is smart but let’s be honest, he isn’t that smart. He won’t figure it out, I promise.”

“What are you talking about? Why are you…” Erwin furrows his brows, and goes lax in realization.

Levi smiles, then nods. “And there it is,” he smirks towards Erwin, sitting on his heels on top of Erwin’s messy desk now, sitting quite obediently, too. Erwin just stares at him. “Did you seriously buy the excuses he made about being sick? Visiting relatives? Seriously? Levi can’t lie for shit, I would know,” he laughs.

“What…” Erwin shakes his head in disbelief. “Is this some sort of joke? This is not an appropriate joke to make with your professor, Levi.”

“It isn’t a joke, sir. In Levi’s perspective, he’s just snoozing away on your sofa right now. Me, on the other hand,” he practically purrs, gracefully landing on his feet like a cat as he hops off the desk, approaching Erwin now who continues to back away. “I want to feel more skin. I’ve been so isolated. Levi never lets me play. Please, sir—”

“This is crazy,” Erwin stares in shock. “If this is real, bring Levi back, right now.”

“Now, that wouldn’t be fun. Levi is a fragile little thing, even if he’s older than me. If he wakes up now and sees you looking at him like this? Oh, that would send the poor boy into a spiral. He’d probably have to move countries again. Last time was already too much,” he smirks, and Erwin just stares in disbelief. “Just have some fun with me for a bit. Play with me,” Levi’s eyes grow hazy. “I’m sure you’ve thought about it—”

“No. I would never,” Erwin’s eyes fill with disgust. “Levi, you are my brightest student. Enough of this.”

“Ugh, fine. I won’t do anything weird,” he rolls his eyes. “How about we sit down and talk instead? I can explain the situation because obviously, Levi would never talk about this. It’s better if you know. Right?”

Erwin stammers, and watches him return to the seat again, smiling innocently while gesturing for Erwin to do the same. He does, because he was unsure if his hypothesis is correct. If he is, there is no telling how dangerous the situation may be for his life. He didn’t want to put himself in a situation where he needs to physically hurt Levi to defend himself.

“Okay, so far so good. Hi, I’m Captain. It’s so nice to finally talk to you in person, Mr. Smith,” he waves happily at him, cheerful almost. His voice is soft and light compared to Levi's straightforward monotonous tone. Almost childish.

“Captain?”

“Well, Levi never named me, so I picked the name of his imaginary friend when he was a kid! He used to draw a lot, even made drawings of himself in a green cape and flying around, it was actually very cute,” he smiles, then cringes. “Levi always refers to me as ‘it’ which is mildly offensive,” he crosses his legs again while placing a hand on his chest. “I’m a person, too, you know. He’s the one who created me. The least he could do is take responsibility.”

Levi sat in a way as if he is a celebrity being interviewed in camera, sitting so relaxed with his legs elegantly crossed. Erwin just couldn’t believe what he is hearing, and he finds himself slowly reaching for a pen and paper. “So, my student, Levi, has a multiple personality disorder?”

“Ah, a major correction there, sir. Dissociative Identity Disorder. I think. At least now.” 

“Right,” Erwin finds himself writing that down, and Levi keeps looking at him with that… strange smile and flicker in his eyes. It makes Erwin swallow a bit. “And has this always been this way? How did this happen?”

“Well,” he thinks for a moment. “Probably because Uncle Kenny had sex with Levi when he was really really little,” Captain bluntly says, and Erwin’s face pales. “And people didn’t really like it. Levi, too, so he kind of made me so I can take his place,” he smiles brightly. “And I enjoyed every second of it.”

Erwin just stares, and he puts his pen down. “Right. Um… well, I believe I should call your parents now—” he reaches for the phone on his desk, but Levi shots up and slams his hands down on it, giving Erwin an intimidating glare. Erwin can feel his blood drain a bit. 

“Uh-uh,” he smiles almost in such a deranged way, shaking his head. “You’re not going to tell anyone, or I’ll keep Levi asleep. You’ll never see him again.”

Erwin has quite little knowledge about disorders, and he was worried that if he refuses him, he’d stay true to his word of Levi never gaining control again. “What do you want?”

“I’m hungry.”

“…Hungry?” Erwin’s throat dries up.

“Yes. I want to go to the nearest fast food, and you’re going to buy me everything I want,” Levi releases Erwin’s hands. 

Erwin is perpetually puzzled, even as Levi goes outside the office. The way he walks appeared like he was floating in the air, almost as if he was part of the wind itself. He is so different from the Levi that Erwin knows.

He remains seated, in shock and frozen in place. Levi appears by the doorway again, leaning against it so… strangely. He bends his hip in such a provocative way, it gave Erwin goosebumps of disturbance.

“Come on, Mr. Smith. You don’t want Levi to get run over or something, don’t you?”

That felt like a threat, and Erwin was forced on his feet. He stayed calm, and grabs his coat along the way outside.

***

Levi was ravenous. Erwin stares at him as he uses his small hands to eat the food served to him at the fast food chain just outside the university. At this hour, students would mostly be in class, so the place was not as packed. Levi was a special exception because his schedule is very flexible.

“You should slow down, Captain. You might choke on a chicken bone,” Erwin warns, worried about Levi’s body.

Levi licks the sauce off his fingers, and sends Erwin a smirk. “You really are genuinely concerned about him, aren’t you?”

“What happens to him? While you’re… in control?”

“Oh, don’t worry. He’s off to dreamland. He’s at the retreat.”

“Retreat?”

“My home. It’s this nice little cottage in a meadow. Levi made it for me. Well, for himself when we exchange places. But I live there whenever he’s in control,” Captain shrugs, picking up another burger.

“So you really do exist? Even when you’re dormant? That’s… fascinating, actually.” Levi’s mind is truly brilliant and exceeds expectations as always.

Levi just smirks at Erwin, recognizing that fascination in Erwin’s eyes. “Hey, Erwin. It’s okay, you know?”

Erwin is briefly surprised to be called by his first name in Levi's voice. “What do you mean?”

“I mean it’s okay to find Levi attractive.” Captain smirks at him, and Erwin blinks. “I do, too. If I had my own body, I would’ve done it already,” he looks off the distance, like imagining things Erwin does not want to begin to imagine.

Erwin sighs. “I’m sorry to disappoint, but while Levi is one of my most outstanding students, that is all he is to me. I admire his genius, and his dedication to his work, and how flexible he is with many things.”

“Oh, he’s flexible, alright,” Levi chuckles, and Erwin stammers again. “You should see all the positions I could do. Mr. Smith.”

“…I’d much rather not.”

“Your loss,” he shrugs, reaching for another piece of fries. “But anyway, that’s how Levi made me. So he has to sit out whatever Uncle Kenny had prepared for him. He was too young to understand any of it. I, on the other hand, did such an outstanding job,” he sounds very proud of himself. “Uncle Kenny would come back for more. As well as the other people he would let join us.”

Erwin watches the happy smile on Levi’s face, and his own chest sinks. He was not expecting any of this being Levi’s past. The boy seemed so… gentle and very kind. So considerate, too. Who knew that Levi went through such trauma? Erwin finds himself reeling with empathy.

“I’m sorry you went through all of that,” Erwin’s voice is soft, and empathetic.

“You’re sorry? About what? That was the most fun I ever had. It was all thanks to Uncle Kenny,” he sighs, almost longingly. “I just wish I could see him again. But he’s so far away,” he frowns, then smiles. “Hey, Mr. Smith. Fancy a trip to Paris?”

“That is out of the question. It’s the same as kidnapping you,” Erwin firmly says. Levi pouts, and Erwin crosses his arms. “Just how long are you going to keep Levi from having control?”

“I’m getting to that, just be patient, Mr. Smith. I have a few rules,” he waves him off. “When I switch back, you can’t tell Levi you met me. If you do, I’d know. I see everything he sees, but from the way he made me, he can’t see or experience the stuff I do. Think of it like a one-way mirror. So, if you tell Levi you met me, I’d know. And I’ll switch back,” he snaps his fingers, and Erwin slightly flinches. “Just like that. Very quickly. And I will do something that Levi will really not like,” he smiles quite innocently, and Erwin feels his hands grow cold. “You don’t want anything to happen to Levi, right?”

Erwin stays quiet, but his leg wouldn’t stop slightly bouncing under the table in short intervals. Sweat forms across his forehead, covering him in a clear sheen of sweat in the airconditioned fast food restaurant.

Levi only smiles in amusement, and pops another fry into his mouth. “Is that really all it takes? I threaten Levi, and I have you in line already? Wow, you must really care about him.”

“I don’t know what you’re capable of doing,” Erwin lowly says.

Those words only makes Levi’s eyes droop slightly, and turning into a seductive gaze that does not look manufactured at all. It looks genuine, and natural. It made Erwin feel a bit sick, and a bit terrified.

“I could show you,” he softly tells Erwin, then shrugs lightly. “What I’m capable of.”

Erwin is beginning to grasp what ‘Captain’ actually is. It seems that he is a hypersexualized version of Levi, who is quiet and calm at all times. Captain must be an identity for Levi to hide behind; he created someone who enjoys the abuse he endured, using him as a shield.

In a way, Erwin sympathizes Captain, too. Levi used him as a shield after all. Not that they are two different people, but still. This was all too much for Erwin to wrap his head around. His student assistant has another identity? Another person lives in his body? It almost sounds like a novel.

How did Erwin get himself into this situation? He must decide on an intervention. Though, he can’t do anything without Captain finding out. If Erwin contacts Levi’s parents, he risks Levi overhearing the conversation. Or if his parents talk to Levi about how his professor expressed his concerns, Captain still finds out. Who knows what he would do to Levi?

Even guessing made Erwin’s head spin.

This is bad. This whole situation is all red in Erwin’s eyes. He can’t take this. So, he’ll approach this in the best way he can think of.

Erwin offers a smile. “You said you were younger than Levi. How old are you, exactly?”

“I’m seventeen. I’ve been seventeen for like… fifteen years now actually.”

“Doesn’t that mean you’re thirty-two?”

“Do I look thirty-two to you? Or even sound like it?” Captain raises a brow, then shakes his head. “No, Levi keeps me like that. He can’t really age me up or down. He doesn’t know how. I don’t know how either, I’m going to be seventeen forever,” he smiles happily at Erwin.

“So, you’re saying you’ve been seventeen this whole time? Even as Levi aged?”

“Yep.”

“Then, you were seventeen when—”

“—when Levi was five and had sex with our Uncle for the first time? Yeah,” he nods, leaning over to wrap his lips around a plastic straw, sipping the soda noisily as if he hadn’t just broken Erwin’s brain.

“I don’t think that’s the term for that.”

Captain looks amused. “Maybe not for Levi. Well, news flash, Mr. Smith, I wanted all of it. I even initiated some… encounters,” he speaks like he was teasing Erwin’s way of censoring words. “Uncle Kenny loved me, and he loved fucking me.”

Erwin swallows, averting his eyes. “This… this is not the place for this conversation, and there are things that I should not be allowed to know about… about Levi. He would not want me knowing these things, are you aware?”

“Oh, I’m well aware. That’s why I’m telling you.” He frowns. “Do you know how long it had been since Levi let me breathe through our lungs again? An entire… decade,” he shakily says, fists tightening as he deeply inhales the air. “It’s such a luxury to breathe again. You all do it automatically, you don’t even think about it. You don’t understand what it’s like to be stuck in retreat for years and years without anyone to talk to. Uncle Kenny always used to be around all the time, so Levi always let me come out and play with his uncle just so he doesn’t have to deal with it. Touching someone, feeling the air around you, eating,” he firmly indicates, almost frantic yet calm. “He took all of that away from me. So why should it matter if I take it away from him for now?”

“This is his body—”

“It’s my body, too!” Captain slams his fist on the table, and Erwin doesn’t flinch this time. Erwin briefly glances around the eatery, bowing slightly at the disturbed individuals who were startled by the outburst. “It’s my body, too. I didn’t ask to be created, I didn’t ask to live like a parasite. He made me, he should take responsibility,” Captain shakily states as he grits his teeth, and he immediately rises from his seat to leave the place.

Erwin blinks, but he grabs his coat and throws a fifty dollar bill on the table to immediately follow. He was stomping through an alleyway, and the sun was already setting. Erwin must’ve lost track of time and they spent half the afternoon there. 

“Levi. Levi!”  Erwin calls out from behind, but he keeps walking speedily. Erwin sighs, taking advantage of their heigh difference to catch up to him, then block his way.

“Get out of my way, old man,” he glares at him, trying to slide to the side, but Erwin blocks again.

“Where are you going? You cannot just leave?”

“You wanna stop me from disappearing?” He menacingly steps forward, eyes looking icy, but there is a hint of tears in his eyes. “Then fuck me in this alley.”

Erwin’s eyes widen, and he finds himself stepping back.

Captain snorts, rolling his eyes. “That’s what I thought,” he scoffs, walking past Erwin. “I’m gonna go look for people who’d actually fucking listen to me.”

Erwin clenches his jaw, but he was already involved in this. He can’t allow Levi’s body be used this way. Levi is his student, Erwin’s concern is warranted. So, he grabs Levi’s arm, and before the boy could protest, Erwin hoists him onto his shoulder.

Levi gasps. “You—! Put me down!” He slams his fist on Erwin’s back.

Erwin only sighs, allowing the boy to his tantrum as he leads both of them back to the car. Erwin gently places Levi into the passenger’s seat. He tries to escape, but Erwin holds him down by the chest with his large hand, and it makes Levi’s eyes widen. “Don’t fight back, Levi. I mean it. We’re returning to my office. Now.”

The boy’s eyes are wide, and without even thinking, he nods at Erwin wordlessly. Erwin nods as well, then straps him with the seatbelt. Levi stays quiet in his seat, head down as he lets Erwin drive them back to the school. 

Even when Erwin starts walking to the office, Levi just follows obediently behind him. It… made Erwin feel strange. It was exactly what Levi would be doing, only this time, there’s an underlying thought beneath it. Erwin feels sick for even letting it cross his mind. 

He leads Levi to the sofa, sitting him down, and giving him a firm expression. “You’re going to lie down, and let Levi wake up. Do you understand me? I’ve indulged this long enough, but I’m not letting some boy... boss me around. If you hurt Levi, or even threaten to never let him in control again, I will make sure you’ll never feel gratification for doing so.”

Levi actually looked scared, pressing his back into the sofa’s backrest. Erwin keeps their gaze locked, and he thinks he did good.

But then, mirth leaks from Levi’s eyes, and his lips form a smile as he lets out a laugh. “Did you actually think that was going to work?” He softly says to Erwin, batting his lashes. “Oh, poor captain, so small and frail compared to big bad Mr. Smith. Whatever shall I do? He’ll definitely try to hurt me, in the body of the one person—the only person he wants to fuck stupid,” Levi emphasizes the final two words directly to Erwin’s face, and Erwin’s eyes falter.

“I bet you like the thought. I bet you thought of it. You wanna make me cry while fucking me so hard, I can’t see anymore. You wanna see his face while you’re deep inside him. You want to hear his serious voice turn whiney and dumb. Oh, Mr. Smith. I see right through you,” he tilts his head with a smile, and Erwin’s face was hot from the words. “It’s okay to touch. He won’t know. He won’t see. He won’t… feel. Not unless you go hard on me. He might feel something after,” he breathily states, coming closer and closer to Erwin, but the professor pulls back last second. It makes Levi laugh. 

“You love getting to people’s nerves, don’t you?”

“Only if I want their cock in my mouth.”

“Jesus,” Erwin turns away, shaking his head. It is so inappropriate to even hear Levi’s voice say those kinds of words. “Bring Levi back. Now.”

“I want something in return.”

“I am not getting myself involved in any activity—”

“I want something the next time I come back.”

“Something? Like what?”

“Don’t worry. It’s something tangible. I won’t make you do anything you don’t like. It’s no fun like that,” Levi crosses his arms, huffing. “No, no, I’m going to make you want me, that you’ll make the first move yourself.”

“I would rather die. Captain,” Erwin cracks a smile.

“We’ll see. Bye for now. I bet you’ll miss me. Erwin,” Levi smirks, and Erwin’s smile fades a little from the sound of his name with his voice once again. Levi lies down on the sofa, assuming his previous position and closes his eyes. Erwin is still cautious, and he backs away while waiting.

It must’ve been half an hour of Erwin just standing in the middle of his office, eyes trained on a sleeping and relaxed Levi. Until he stirs, and his eyes flutter open. A second passes, and Levi flinches awake while sitting up.

“Sir? Oh, fuck. I mean, oh… god. I’m sorry. I fell asleep. I didn’t mean to,” Levi frantically says. He fucked up. Sleeping in the presence of his boss? Who does Levi think he is? “It won’t happen again, I promise, sir—”

Erwin sighs in relief as he pats Levi’s head so affectionately. “It’s fine, Levi. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“I slept pretty well, sir. Surprisingly enough,” Levi mutters, clearing his throat before grimacing. “Urgh… I think I ate too many biscuits.”

Erwin tries not to grimace, and just pats his head again before returning to his chair. “How about you go on home and rest? I think you’ve done plenty of work today. It’s better if you sleep in your home, hm?”

“Really? I can go, sir?” Levi asks in disbelief.

“Yes. You deserve a break, Levi,” Erwin nods, smiling kindly as he always does towards him. “I’ll see you tomorrow for class this time.”

“Yes, sir. Thank you.” He gets his bag, and gives Erwin a short bow before leaving the office.

Erwin exhales the breath he held. It seems that Levi has no recollection of what happened the past few hours. Erwin is still… in disbelief. He finds himself taking his phone and preparing to dial a social worker he personally know, but… Erwin finds himself hesitating.

There is a gradual pump of blood through his veins. It increases, and becomes more violent in his chest. Erwin felt disgusted, and somehow… intrigued? Erwin was revolted by himself of the very thought, but everything that Captain said, they were all so filthy and so unthinkable—things that Erwin never even saw before meeting Captain today.

Now, it’s all he sees.

Captain planted a parasite deep into his brain, and Erwin can’t claw it out of the gray matter, cannot pick it apart with his fingertips. Erwin felt sick. So… fucking… sick—

He frantically speeds to the bathroom and throws the toilet seat cover up, and expels the contents of his stomach.

Chapter Text

Erwin couldn’t look at Levi in the eye. It doesn’t seem that the boy suspects anything that happened. Maybe to his perspective, he merely had fallen asleep the entire time. Levi works normally as usual, and he was so different from the alter that Erwin met. So different.

“Sir?”

Erwin blinks, turning to Levi. “Yes?”

Levi swipes his thin fingers against Erwin’s window, and holds back a grimace. “Would it bother you if I clean your office?”

Erwin relaxes. “I can’t possibly have you do that, Levi.”

“It’s fine. I’m good at cleaning,” Levi pulls out a cloth from his bag and ties it around his hair, to hold it back. “You don’t mind, right?”

“Do whatever you please, Levi.”

The boy nods, and proceeds to start wiping the windows. While Erwin works, Levi was cleaning. From time to time, Erwin finds himself glancing at Levi in the corner of his eye. Levi would be slightly bent by the hip, wiping at the lower parts of the wall. Erwin’s eyes follow him for a bit, and he had to look away once Levi reaches the fireplace, where he had to get down on all fours, bending himself over to take out the useless burnt twigs. Erwin can feel his chest beating rapidly, and his blood rumbling.

What the hell is wrong with him? Erwin can physically feel his skin heating, and cooling from the sweat he emits. There is something deeply disturbed within Erwin. This cannot be normal.

“Levi, that’s… that’s enough. No need to clean everything. I didn’t hire you to clean,” Erwin stammers, and Levi gets up. 

“But your office is still filthy. Do you even hire cleaners?” Levi, ever so blunt, comments to Erwin as he glances around the room.

“I do. Now, please. Just relax yourself and finish your work,” Erwin smiles.

Levi hesitates, itching to just clean the entire office as he looks around again. “Alright. Whatever you say, sir,” he puts the dirty rag into the trashcan and washes his hands in the bathroom. 

Erwin sighs in relief. Captain just got a little bit into his head, that’s all. None of this means anything significant. Erwin was just startled by its existence.

It was unsettling to know, too, that the captain can see whatever Levi does. So however Erwin interacts with Levi, the captain would know. The thought gives him goosebumps. Erwin tries not to think about it. It is too disturbing.

When History class rolls by, and Erwin just knew. From the look in Levi’s eyes, it wasn’t him anymore there. Briefly, he saw Levi start nodding off from how sleepy he was, and then he was gone. Replaced by this… thing that wore his skin.

He had his eyes on Erwin the whole time. Predatory, and waiting. After class, Levi walks up to Erwin’s desk at the front.

“Hi.”

Erwin inhales a breath. “Captain.”

“Did you miss me?”

“Not particularly, no.”

“Well, that’s a lie,” Levi sits on the edge of the desk, and Erwin cautiously glances to the door. Anyone who might peek inside will see this odd situation.

What’s Erwin even saying? Everyone is aware that Levi is his student assist, it wouldn’t be strange for them to speak in a relaxed way like this. Erwin is overthinking for nothing. 

“So, what work do you have in store for me this time, sir?”

“That work is for a sophomore named Levi. Not a seventeen-year-old who labels himself as ‘captain’ in an unironic fashion.”

He just smirks at him. “What’s up your ass lately?”

Erwin sighs. “I’m just not in the mood for whatever this is,” he vaguely gestures towards him.

“I know something that can take the edge off.”

“No. None of that,” Erwin frowns, putting his pen and reading glasses down to face Levi’s delighted self. He must really like annoying Erwin. “Look, Levi. Or Captain. Or whatever it is you prefer. I need to make something very clear to you. Let me be perfectly clear,” he leans forward. “No matter how hard you try to… tempt me, it’s not going to work. I will never risk my job for this.”

“Interesting word choice. You won’t risk your job, but you’re not denying that there’s something risking it.”

Erwin’s jaw clenches. “You are insufferable.”

“So I’m told,” he pulls his legs up fully sitting cross legged on top of Erwin’s desk now. “I’m also told that it makes it all the more satisfying to tame me.”

Erwin’s eyes flicker, and he swallows.

Levi’s eyes fill with delight. “You’re enjoying this. The little back and forth. The banter. I heard this is called ‘build-up’ or ‘foreplay’. Personally, I like to jump straight into it, but I can go your pace. I don’t mind. It’s fun seeing you make faces,” he tilts his head teasingly. “I bet you dreamt about it though. Shutting me up. Something inside me really really believes you’ll like it when I cry,” Levi chuckles. “People always say I look pretty when I’m covered in liquid. Tears, piss, cum, whatever. You’re welcome to check.”

Erwin’s chest rises and sinks repeatedly, steadying his breaths. “Bring back Levi. Now.”

“Do you really prefer him over me? I’m here willing to suck your cock, while he’ll probably just offer to clean your office,” he scoffs, then a bright idea pops in his head. “Oh? Well maybe that’s what you’re into,” he scoots closer on the desk, placing his heel onto Erwin’s chair now to pull him close using its wheels. “Do you want me to pretend like I’m Levi? Is that it?”

“W-What? No. No, what are you saying?” Erwin slightly squirms, but he freezes when he feels the sole of Levi’s sock-covered foot press against his cock. Erwin’s lips part, and he widens his eyes while looking up at Levi.

And there it is. The captain mimics the usual expression on Levi’s face, the one Erwin is so used to. No smile, no mirth, just relaxed and concentrated. Levi’s intense gaze, it was as if the captain switched places, and Erwin never would have guessed if it weren’t for the foot pressing into his groin.

“Aren’t you tired, Mr. Smith? I can help you. I’d always do anything to help you, sir,” his voice is so genuine, just like Levi’s.

Erwin shakily exhales. “You need to stop.”

He says nothing, as if immersed into the role. How fucked up is it for his alter to act like the host? And Erwin feeling his skin heat up while that foot continues to nudge into his… his hardening cock.

Erwin’s eyes widen in panic. “Levi—”

“Do you like this, Mr. Smith? I can do more for you. Just let me on my knees and I can be good,” he whispers so sensually, that Erwin shudders. “I’ve been good to you, haven’t I? I’ve been a good little assistant. You’ll reward me by filling my mouth, right?”

“Hah… Levi,” Erwin grabs his ankle, forcing it away from his crotch. “S-Stop it, stop it!” He hisses out, standing from the chair. Levi looks up at him, and light fills his eyes once again.

“Was I too good? Did you believe it was him for a second there?” He grins at Erwin, then chuckles. “Your cock felt so big under my foot. And you weren’t even full hard yet,” Levi swallows, brows slanting downwards. “Would you fuck my mouth? Please, I haven’t had my throat fucked in years,” he hiccups, desperate for it. “Please fuck my skull—”

Erwin grabs him by the shoulders, fuming. “This is wrong! You can’t do this, Levi!” He hisses, slightly shaking him back and forth. Levi was startled. “Stop trying to… to seduce me. You… I can’t do this. Fuck,” he curses under his breath and lowers his head. “Levi, you can’t do this to me. This is torture. Do you even realize how fucked up this is? Any of it? You’re asking me to rape you!” Erwin almost sobs, resting his forehead on Levi’s shoulder now. “And I can’t do that to you. You are too precious, and kind, and gentle. I highly respect and admire you, but there is only so much I can take, you are about to make me snap and lose it. In under a few weeks, you’ve unraveled me, and I never realized just how weak I am as a man,” he whispers. “I’m terminating the contract between us. You are no longer my assistant from this day forward—”

“What?!” Levi gapes, eyes wide.

“—It’ll be effective immediately. I cannot let this go on—” Erwin walks away.

“Whoa! Mr. Smith, hold on a second, please!” Levi frantically jumps off the desk and stops him from leaving the classroom. “If you fire Levi, he’s going to wonder why, and he’ll pry, and he’ll find out about me!”

“Well, maybe he should,” Erwin towers over him. “You are dangerous, captain. Your words hit weak minded men like bullets. I hope Levi gets the help he needs to manage you—”

“He won’t know.”

“…What?”

“Whatever you do to me, whatever we do, he won’t know. He genuinely won’t. He won’t even suspect a thing. That’s basically my function. Even… even if he starts to suspect anything, he’ll subconsciously deny it and pretend like nothing is going on—that’s how it always has been between me and him—”

“Are you even listening to what I’m saying? I’m saying this can’t go on like this. I’ve only met you twice, and I feel like I’ve already gone mad,” Erwin hisses out.

“Don’t fire Levi, Erwin. You know he’s the best there is.”

“That would have been my plan if you never appeared.”

“I don’t want Levi fired, but I also don’t want to be stuck in his head forever. I want to live, too. He made me so why shouldn’t I have the right to have a life, too? He wouldn’t even know. He’ll think he just slept through the whole thing—”

“Enough already, captain. The answer is no.”

Levi grits his teeth. “…Fine. Then I want to claim what you owe me.”

“What?”

“Last time, I said I want something material from you. And you’re going to get it with me right now.”

“Levi—”

“Now. And I’m gone. For now. And you can have Levi to assist you, all you want.”

Erwin contemplates for a moment. He will never find another assistant as competent as Levi. He sighs. “Fine. Lead the way.”

***

Erwin deeply regrets indulging this.

Captain happily jumps and claps in his place, giggling a bit. He smirks, nudging Erwin with his shoulder. “Thank you, sir.”

Erwin’s face is beet red as he walks through the store. At least they were very far away from the university. Shops like this shouldn’t be anywhere near one.

“You’re a degenerate,” Erwin mumbles as he buckles his seatbelt.

“I’m sure Levi will appreciate this vibrating gift even more if you wrote him a note saying ‘from Mr. Smith’,” Captain snickers.

Erwin holds back a grimace as he starts driving. The sun was setting now, and the sky is getting dark. The shop that Levi wanted to go to was so far away that night caught up to them. 

“Wait, can we pull over here?” Captain gasps in excitement, grabbing Erwin’s thick arm, giggling.

“Levi, I need to drive you home.”

“No, please! I always wanted to watch the sunset from this spot with my own eyes! I only saw it through Levi, you know.”

Erwin sighs, indulging again just so he could hear Levi laugh. He normally never hears that sound at all, so…

He parks the car and just lets Levi stare through the windshield with delighted eyes. Erwin watches him stare at the sunset for a bit, like it was his first time seeing it. He looked so excited over something so mundane to every day life.

The sun finally fades. Levi sighs dreamily. “Never gets old, doesn’t it?”

Erwin keeps staring. “Humans are historically programmed to find anything of striking colors to be beautiful.”

Captain looks at him in surprise, and smiles a little. “Levi, he…”

“Yes. He wrote that in the very first essay he submitted to me,” Erwin leans back. “Levi is a good person, captain. I don’t know why it brings you so much joy to torment him.”

“It’s not like I want him to suffer… I was made to prevent that, you know.”

“So you are aware that what you enjoyed was something he suffered through?” Erwin crosses his arms. “Here I thought, you were playing dumb.”

“Men tend to like dumb things. It’s why a lot of ‘em like kids,” he mutters. “I know Levi was raped. Technically, I was too. Not just Uncle Kenny. But the people he involved. People he introduced me to. He was just… so charismatic. He pulls you in, to the point you’d do anything for him. You’d even forget it was rape because of how fun it all was. How good it all felt. Even while crying or screaming, I was feeling good,” Levi narrows his eyes. “Normal people wouldn’t understand. They won’t even try to, because it’s too weird or disturbing. But I know what I felt. I know what Levi felt too, and I know that disturbs him greatly because he never understood it. I know he needed me, I had a purpose. I still do. I don’t accept that I don’t, because if I didn’t, Levi would’ve let me go a long time ago. Uncle Kenny’s gone, he has nothing to fear anymore. But I’m still here, so what does Levi really want?” He sighs. “I used to be a seventeen year old in a five year old’s body. Now, I’m still seventeen, but in a twenty year old’s body. It’s like I watched him keep walking… while I stood still.”

Erwin softens, letting the words sink in for a moment.

“Don’t fire Levi. Being your intern means so much to him. He… well, he wants to get a job that would pay well enough so that his mom wouldn’t have to work anymore,” he mutters. “He’s a good person.”

“That’s odd. It almost sounds like you see him as family.”

“I wouldn’t go as far as to say I see him as a little brother because,” he laughs. “The things I would do to him if I had a separate body… but then again, being brothers won’t really stop me—”

Erwin clears his throat. “I thought you were having a moment there.”

“…the air felt too serious.”

Erwin finds himself snorting, leaning his elbow on the car door to pinch his eyes. Somehow, he finds this situation amusing. Sitting in his car after a sunset with his assistant’s alter. 

He glances at Levi again, who is already looking back at him.

“Is it your habit? Making people uncomfortable? Is that why you took me to a sex shop to buy a vibrator?” Erwin says the words he never thought he’d ever say.

Levi lets out a full chest laugh, and it briefly startles Erwin. He just softens, and Levi grins. “Nah. I just like seeing how red your face can get.”

“Right.”

“Do you want to watch?”

“…Watch what?”

Levi tilts his head, then holds up the bag that Erwin bought for him. Erwin’s eyes flicker with shock, and his lips part as he watches Levi lift himself briefly from the seat, to slip his pants off. 

Erwin’s eyes widen and he looks away. “Levi. Don’t. Put… put your pants back on. Jesus Christ—”

He feels Levi toss the pants to Erwin’s lap. Erwin sighs, and his eyes are closed.

“Levi, this isn’t funny.”

“Come on, you’re just going to look. You don’t even have to do anything,” he teases Erwin, leaning against the car door. He was small enough to squeeze his legs up until he’s curled up on the passenger’s seat. All he has to do is spread his legs, and he can show Erwin his blue cotton panties.

“Levi…” Erwin shakes his head, reaching for the keys in the ignition, so he could start driving, but Levi grabs the keys so swiftly, and smiles at Erwin. To send a glare at Levi, Erwin had to look at him. And when he does, he felt frozen.

Levi is so small, just curled up across Erwin. His smooth legs are exposed, and from this angle, he could see blue panties. Erwin swallows. Levi wears those kinds of clothes?

Levi tilts his head again, then spreads his legs. And then, he does something completely lewd.

He slips Erwin’s keys down his underwear, and Erwin’s jaw drops. “Levi!”

He holds up his hands, as if in surrender. “Whoops.”

Erwin grits his teeth. “Take it out, right now.”

Levi teasingly wriggles his fingers, as if to say, ‘my hands are up, I can’t reach down’ and it made Erwin glare again. How insufferable is this alter of his student is? Of course, he must’ve planned this. Getting Erwin far away from the university, making him pull over to watch the sunset. It was all just a ploy to put Erwin in this position. And Erwin walked right into it.

“This is extremely inappropriate.”

“Just reach down, sir. It’s okay. You won’t even touch me,” he smiles sweetly. “Go on,” Levi spreads his legs, and his sock covered feet curls up in such a… immature manner. 

It made the pit of Erwin’s stomach heat up. Erwin sighs heavily.

“Fine. Don’t move.”

“Yes, sir. I won’t move, sir.”

Erwin holds back a grimace, then lifts his hand, asking himself ‘what the hell am I doing?’ He slowly reaches over, eyes trained on the disfigured bulge made by his car keys. His fingers slip under the hem of Levi’s panties, and Erwin quickly hooks a finger into the keyring, then as he pull his hand out, Levi’s legs close around his hand. And he was stronger than he looks.

Erwin’s eyes widen. “Levi,” he firmly warns, and Levi whines while wriggling his hips, practically grinding into Erwin’s hand.

And Erwin notices something. His fingers, they’re wet and… hot. He blinks, and his head lowers as his eyes train to the area between Levi’s legs. Erwin is astonished, expecting something else. Erwin barely notices how his breaths are growing labored.

Captain bites down on his lip, brows slanting down. “Mr. Smith…”

Erwin swallows. “Levi, don’t make me force your legs open.”

“I’ll keep them open for you, sir,” he whimpers out, then pushes against his hand. “Please. Please, touch me, please.”

To hear him beg and writhe like this, it was pushing Erwin over the edge. His pupils slightly dilate, and he does something he might not forgive himself for. Erwin begins moving his fingers as best as he could. A sweet moan exits the boy’s lips, and his legs fall open. Erwin’s breath grows heavy, and he leans over to start rubbing Levi’s swollen and wet clit with more space to work with.

“Hah! Ah… M-Mr. Smith,” Levi’s hips slightly shook. “Y-Yes, please. Thank you,” he whines, bucking his hips.

“Fuck,” Erwin says under his breath, and he was gone. He pushes Levi’s panties to the side, revealing a pink wet slit, clenching around nothing. Erwin is mesmerized, Levi’s body is perfect. So young, and so lewd. Erwin grabs the panties with one hand and pulls them off Levi’s legs, and he yelps. The keys fall to the seat, dripping with Levi’s wetness.

“M-Mr—mmph!” Erwin’s hand covers Levi’s mouth.

“Shh… it’s okay, I got you,” Erwin coos, and watches as Levi’s pretty eyess fill with tears. Erwin circles his finger around the swollen clit, and it makes Levi whimper against his palm. Erwin itches to say something, more filthy words, but the sounds that Levi’s making would get drowned out, and Erwin needs to hear them.

When he pushes a finger inside Levi, he cries out. His legs shook, desperate for more, as if it had been so long. “Please, please, please, th-the toy, please, sir, i-it’ll make me feel so good.”

Erwin uncovers Levi’s mouth, and used the hand to tear through the box that held the toy the boy chose. He was glad it turns on without anything else from Erwin. It vibrates in his hand, and Erwin presses it into Levi’s clit. Erwin watches in fascination as Levi cries on the passenger’s seat, tears rolling down his cheeks as Erwin fingers him imwith only one digit while Levi pushes into him. 

“Y-Yes… yes, sir, thank you,” Levi sobs out, and Erwin can only watch in both shock and fascination. Levi is so soft and wet inside, the wet sound his pussy makes fills Erwin’s car. Erwin adds another finger, and twists. Levi’s back arches, and Erwin presses the toy harder into his clit. “T-Too much! Too much! Pl-Please! S-Stop, stop—”

“Stop?” Erwin exhales, sweat dripping from his face. “Weren’t you begging for this a minute ago?”

Levi whimpers in defeat, his whole body tensing with pleasure as Erwin would twist his fingers and curl them. Levi would sob, calling out Erwin’s title. 

“C-Can I cum? Please, I wanna cum,” Levi whines, teary face twisting. “Please let me come, sir. Sir, please,” he sounds dumbed down, and Erwin gives it to him. Levi cries continuously as he leaks into the seat, dripping so wetly as he cums around Erwin’s frantic fingers.

Erwin accepts defeat.

When Levi goes limp as he catches his breath, Erwin pulls his wet fingers out. Erwin stares at the webbing wetness all over his fingers and hand. He grows numb. 

He really gave in, he’s a monster. 

Erwin touched his own student, technically without his consent. 

And it felt good.

Erwin was terrified of himself. Has he always been capable of doing something like this? Have there been hints in the past? Was it always possible for Erwin to be so predatory like this? Levi will never forgive him. He will never forgive Erwin for being like the rest of the people he had in his past. Just taking advantage of him.

Captain, legs still dripping and spread. A slight drool from losing his mind earlier was sliding down his chin. He was smiling hazily at Erwin, and he looks really pretty. Erwin hated himself.

Levi lets out a breathy giggle, grabbing Erwin’s hand and running his tongue down the wet fingers in such a playful way, it makes Erwin’s stomach flip. Levi sucks obscenely on Erwin’s finger, tasting himself. Levi sits up, legs folding as he comes near Erwin. “We can go now,” he smiles sweetly.

“Levi will know about this.”

“Relax. I already have a cover story,” he takes out his flip phone. “Can you drop me off a few blocks away from slums?”

“The slums?” Erwin grimaces, and Levi grabs his panties to slip them on. “What do you mean ‘the slums’?”

“You don’t know where that is? That makes sense,” Levi smiles, and pulls his pants on. “It’s near the city, just outside of it. You’ll know it when we’re there.”

“What are you doing there?”

“Meeting up with weed dealers.”

Erwin blinks, and he reaches over to pick up the wet set of keys. 

He holds them up, and Levi gives him an apologetic smile. “Sorry.”

Erwin simply wipes it on a tissue. “You have weed dealers?”

“Not mine. My friends’ dealers. Well, Levi’s friends’ dealers. Thankfully, one of Levi’s friends texted him, inviting him to get high. It’s a perfect cover,” Levi smirks, running his hand over the bulge forming between Erwin’s legs, squeezing gently. “So, don’t worry. I can outsmart Levi. He won’t know a thing.”

Erwin takes Levi’s hand and pushes it back to him, but Levi just keeps smirking. Still, he complies with Erwin’s move, as Erwin starts the car. Levi turns the music on, and he seems more relaxed and happy. Levi seems tamer now, as he hums along some songs while curled up and leaning his head against the window.

Erwin pulls over when he felt like they arrived. “I don’t know, Levi…”

“I’ll be fine!” He smiles. “It’s just weed. What’s so wrong about it? Even the professors smoke weed in the lounge.”

“H-How did you know that?” Erwin looks scandalized. Even he doesn’t know that.

Levi shrugs. “Levi is pretty observant, you know. He sees a lot more things than normal people do. Lucky for us, I’m the only one that Levi can’t ever figure out,” he smiles, reaching over to cup Erwin’s cheek. “I’ll see you again soon, sir. You can keep the toy,” he smirks.

“Hey. Who are you even smoking weed with?” Erwin frowns.

Levi fishes out his small phone, then holds it up to Erwin. “Someone called Hange?”

Erwin blinks. “Hange Zoë smokes weed?”

“You know them?”

“They’re my junior editor for the school paper.”

“Oh. Whoops?”

Erwin finds himself snorting, shaking his head. “Just take it easy, captain.”

“You got it. Daddy,” Levi scrunches his nose, smirking before walking away while pushing the car door closed.

Erwin just sits there for a moment, and everything just crashes into him. He pales a little, and he drives home.

***

The following weeks were difficult. Erwin genuinely cannot look Levi in the eye, not after what he did to him. How he took advantage of Levi. It didn’t matter if Levi’s alter coerced him or basically forced the situation, Erwin was still the adult. It was his job to stop things.

But Erwin couldn’t get that image out of his head. The image of Levi with his legs spread, weeping in pleasure and calling out his name as his thin little legs trembled. How his eyes fill with tears as he was finally touched after years upon years. Craving Erwin’s fingers insides him, feeling how wet he was, his soft insides. The cute little swollen clit peeking out from the pink folds between his legs. It was all Erwin was thinking about now. It was consuming him. What has he done?

What would the actual Levi look like if Erwin was fingering him like that? Would he be shy? Would he be the complete opposite of his alter, who is bold, vivacious and seductive? Would the real Levi be more satisfying to see crying and sobbing in pleasure?

Erwin needed to bang his head against the wall. He could not stop thinking about lewd thoughts regarding his own student, his assistant. What is wrong with him?

When Erwin dismisses his class, he dreads the sight of Levi coming up to him with hesitation. 

“Sir? You, uh… haven’t called me in for a few days now. Is there no work for me?”

Erwin stares at Levi, almost gaping at him.

He’s so clueless over what happened. Over how he leaked all over Erwin’s carseat, where he spent the next hour cleaning it up because Levi’s scent had stuck to the walls and made Erwin dizzy with lust. Levi had no idea Erwin’s fingers have been inside him. Or that Erwin knows what kind of underwear Levi wears now. Is he wearing the same type of panties? Erwin briefly wonders what color it is this time. He so desperately wants to peel it down his milky white legs—

“Sir?”

“Oh. Levi, hello,” Erwin clears his throat. “Er… no, I don’t currently have work for you as of now. My history class is having an event, they’re busy so there’s no papers this week.”

“Oh.”

Erwin musters a small smile. “I thought you’d be pleased. It’s nice not to spend time with an old man all afternoon, isn’t it?”

Levi shakes his head. “I like being in your office. It’s nicer there compared to anywhere else in the campus. Hange would always try to drag me to a book club or something.”

Erwin’s stomach flips. “You like being in my office, Levi?”

“Yeah. Your office smells nice all the time. Despite how messy it is. And how you never let me clean it.”

Erwin briefly detects slight bitterness in his tone, and finds himself relaxing as he chuckles. “Levi, you are my student, not my maid.”

“But—”

“No buts. I’m not going to allow a student clean my place for me.”

Levi frowns. “Hm. Fine. Enjoy your cluttered office, sir. You’re missing out. I’m good at cleaning and being clean.”

An image flashes before Erwin’s eyes, of Levi crying with flushed cheeks as his pussy squirts into the leather seat under him, and all over Erwin’s fingers. Levi looked incredibly filthy and filled with sin, Erwin’s heart skips a beat.

He coughs, and Levi furrows his brows. Erwin clears his throat. “Well, then. Perhaps I’ll see you next week when papers roll back in. Enjoy your time off, Levi.”

Even with a very obvious dismissal, Levi remains standing near the desk, and Erwin watches him. 

“Levi?”

“Can I… do my homework at my desk in your office?” Levi mutters.

“Oh,” Erwin is surprised, and before he says yes as an automatic response to Levi, the student assistant, his mind goes to Levi’s other self. The Captain.

Would it be a good idea to be in tbe same room as Levi again? So soon? Well, it can’t hurt. If Levi is doing homework, he won’t be falling asleep and that brief transition to sleep will not be taken advantage of the captain slipping into Levi’s consciousness. 

“Of course,” Erwin offers a kind smile, and Levi looks relieved. “Is there a particular reason why? You could do it at home, hence the name,” he chuckles.

“Yeah, but… I get to ask you stuff.”

Erwin freezes. “About what?”

“My homework.”

Erwin relaxes and laughs a bit. “Oh, right. Your homework. Of course. You may ask me anything,” he reaches into his pocket. “How about you go ahead of me? I’d appreciate it if you open the windows to let some air in. I’ll be right behind you,” Erwin hands him a key, and Levi takes it like it was such a precious thing in his hand.

Levi bows a bit. “I’ll brew some tea for you, too, sir.”

“You’re too kind, Levi.”

Erwin watches Levi leave the room, seeing the curves he never noticed before, he has such a perfect body, so perfect for Erwin’s hands. Erwin just itches to touch him again, but he needs to restrain himself. He has already crossed the line once, he can’t forgive himself if he repeats it. That was a moment of weakness. Erwin hadn’t been with anyone in almost a year, and it showed. He felt sick whenever he remembers what happened, and yet as sick as he felt, he’d feel his own cock twitch.