Chapter Text
“What did you bring me?”
Damian climbed through Jason’s window. He was still dressed in his Robin uniform, and Jason was relatively sure that patrol was not over yet, which meant that Damian had come straight here after seeing Jason’s text.
He resisted the urge to smile at how endearing Damian’s impatience was. And also his own excitement for the gift he had prepared.
“Is that any way to greet your generous and talented favorite brother who brought you a gift out of the kindness of his heart?”
Damian stared up at him blankly for a minute, lip curling into a sneer. “I see that humbleness is not listed among your better traits.”
Hand raising to his chest in mock outrage, Jason gasped dramatically, stumbling back a bit for even more effect. He had missed Damian while he had been gone. Something about how mean and snobbish he could be was inspiring to watch. Or maybe Jason had just been stockholmed into liking him back in the league.
He turned towards the kitchen, trusting that Damian would follow. “You’ll have to wait a bit longer for it though, It isn’t finished yet.”
“Why call me here if it is not ready for me.”
“Because, I missed you. And also there's a bit of explaining that needs to be done with this gift.” Jason checked the oven as soon as he got into the kitchen, the timer reading ten minutes. He’d check it in five though because the oven in this apartment never seemed to take the expected time to cook, and didn’t even have the decency to always take longer. He had burnt and undercooked quite a few meals before learning his lesson.
Damian had found a spot at the table when Jason turned to lean against the counter. “Explain then.”
Jason grinned.
“As you know, I’ve been on a job in Peru. Some of Sionis’s operations have made themselves known over there so me and Roy, who happened to be available for the trip, took some time to have a vacation and kick criminal butt. Very fun. Very relaxing. Not so relaxing when Roy cut the wrong wires and took out the lights for the entire building blinding them and us. We handled it of course, but it was not nearly as relaxing as it should have been.”
Damian cut in, not impressed by his story. “As entertaining as it is to hear of your and your companion’s failings, what does this have to do with my gift?”
“Nothing.” Jason had gotten a bit carried away by his lingering annoyance over Roy’s mistake. “But what is important is the next bit.
After we finished tearing down the entire organisation and a few side quests, we went to a local restaurant to eat. Now as you know, I despise tourist restaurants and think eating American food in foreign countries is a waste of everyone’s time, so we found ourselves in a local restaurant, looking at the actually reasonably priced food and choosing what to eat. My usual method is to just choose something new and eat it, unless I see something I really want. Roy however, American tourist that he is, was googling every little thing. I thought it was a waste of time at first, but then he found something amazing, something that inspired me to bring you a gift.”
“So you brought me food. A new recipe that you liked from the restaurant.”
It was so hard for Jason not to laugh. This wasn’t even the good part yet. “Yes, but that’s not all. If you would let me finish the story…”
“Fine, go ahead.”
“Thank you.” Two minutes left on the timer, he’d have to hurry. “Now, as I was saying, Roy was googling everything, which is how he googled cuy. I’m not sure how much Spanish you learned, so I’ll just tell you: cuy means guinea pig.”
“Why were guinea pigs mentioned on the menu?” Damian was starting to glance apprehensively at the oven. Perfect.
“Guinea pigs are a common Peruvian food. They farm them to be eaten. Like chickens or pigs.”
Damian was really looking scared now. “What is my gift?”
“You’ll see soon. Anyways, Roy was too chicken to order cuy so I did it instead. It was good, really good. And the whole time I was thinking about how I just had to share this with you.”
The oven timer went off, cutting off Jason's story with a steady beep beep beep that he didn’t let repeat. He went to turn off the oven timer, leaving Damian frozen in his seat at the table. The dish, when Jason checked, was for once, perfectly cooked. He took it out and dished up two plates.
The thud of the plate being set on the table in front of Damian seemed to finally snap him out of his frozen state. Jason didn’t know if it had been shock or terror or horror that had forced him to stay silent and still in his chair for the time Jason had taken to dish up the two plates, but he was thrilled to see his plan going off so flawlessly.
“Todd,” ooh, last name meant Damian was pissed. Oh joyous day. “I am sure it has not slipped your mind that I do not eat meat of any kind.”
“Of course not.”
“Then why, pray tell, do you think it is acceptable to serve me Guinea Pig as a gift.”
Keeping in his laughter this time was a lost cause, so he allowed himself to snicker as Damian’s face went completely blank with either confusion or rage or some mix. Jason imagined a chicken, soaking wet and ruffled feathers, looking very upset and very unsure of what had happened. Damian was that chicken.
“Why are you laughing?” Jason saw the exact moment realization made its way across Damian’s face. “What is it this time then? I suppose the meal is not Guinea Pig after all.”
“Of course not. Why would you think I’d serve you Guinea Pig?”
In the driest tone Jason had ever heard, Damian answered “Who could say really. It couldn’t possibly have been your story about eating cuy.”
“Well, this isn’t cuy — we’ll get to that later — this is rocoto relleno, although usually it’s made with beef or pork, I made a vegetarian version for you. It’s what Roy got instead of the cuy.”
Damian took a moment to consider this before taking a bite, deciding he liked it, and continuing to eat it.
Jason sat, prepared to take a bite, and paused. “Roy will be bringing the cuy later. It was just tricky to get it through customs so he had to come back separately.”
As Jason finally started to eat, Damian slowed down, deep in thought and concern over what Jason might have meant by that.
What he had meant, as it turned out, was exactly what he had said.
Roy Harper showed up a few minutes after Damian and Jason had finished eating. He kicked open the door with a call of “honey, I’m home!”, and walked in like he had every right to be there, hands and arms heaped with luggage and a small box that he was carrying with much more care than the rest of his baggage.
He immediately dumped all of his bags onto the floor by the door and carried the box to the freshly cleared off table. “Gremlin, come here.” Damian hated Roy Harper with a passion.
Jason also seemed to take offense, although for the wrong reasons. “Hey! That’s my gift. I give it to him.”
Damian and Jason both made their way over to the table, where Jason promptly snatched the box away from Roy and presented it to Damian. “Obviously I’ll pay for the enclosure and stuff once you know what you need, but I figured this was too good a gift to wait.”
At this point, Damian had been through quite the emotional rollercoaster to receive this gift, so he did not waste any time in opening the box and freeing the Guinea Pig inside.
It was alive, thank god.
It was also black with a white spot on its head, and its hair was longer than Damian had expected. In all honesty he had not researched Guinea Pigs at all, but he would spend a good chunk of his next week learning everything he possibly could about guinea pigs. For now he needed a place to keep it until he set up a more permanent home for it.
“What is it called?” It was crawling around the table, sniffing at things and seeming generally much too unconcerned about the edge of the table. Damian was not taking his eyes off it for even a second.
Jason sounded amused, “You get to name it.”
Damian watched it for a few moments more in silence before deciding. “I will name it Jason.” Jason made a slightly strangled sounding noise and Roy tried in vain to restrain a fit of giggles. Damian did not bother glancing up at them.
“You’ve been replaced by a Guinea Pig Jay, and look! He likes it better already!” More of Harper’s absurd giggles were heard, and then the sound of a fist hitting a stomach and an oof of forcefully exhaled air as the giggling was cut off. Jason the Guinea Pig was sniffing the box it had come in.
Damian spoke over the sound of his brother and Harper fighting, “We should head to the store immediately to acquire the needed materials for Jason.”
The fighting cut out, and Jason the human came to stand at his side. Damian could hear his smile when he asked, “You like the gift then?”
“Of course. Jason is amazing.”