Archive of Our Own ^beta

If he had other siblings, Butsuma would not remember. As far as Butsuma was concerned, he only had two siblings. There is his little sister Mizuko, who was an ungrateful brat. Though her daughter Touka was skilled, a blessing in Butsuma’s eyes. Even if she was just as big a brat as her mother at times… Why Touka couldn’t have been like her younger brother, respectful (meek) and reliable (scared of failure) he couldn’t fathom.

Then his elder brother Yatama, who was slain by his own negligence. Looking away from the enemy because he worried too much about Butsuma on the field. Butsuma did not feel guilt (he did, but he had never been good with emotions), he was alive. His older brother was a fool.

… Butsuma would not let such a foolish mistake repeat in his children. Couldn’t. From nights blaming Yatama for his own death at Tajima’s hand to blaming himself for taking his brother’s attention in a relatively minor skirmish. Butsuma hated (loved, missed, grieved-) his brother. He was bitter (guilty, angry, accepting) towards his sister.

Yes, he would not let his children go through such frivolous things. They would be shinobi. Die shinobi if the need arose.

Butsuma told his wife Yoshimi as such, who seemed horrified by the statement. Asking how he could be so cruel.

But they were shinobi, and they were at war. Yoshimi had been lucky, raised as a farmer in the Hatake who were known for their skills. The alliance was sealed by Butsuma’s marriage to her. The Hatake would offer food, maybe guards on courier missions around Inazuka and Aburame territory but that was it. Yoshimi wanted better for her children, but Butsuma could not give her that.

They were at war. War took lives. It took Yatama’s. It would take his, but not without Tajima’s blood on Butsuma’s hands. Eventually, it would take his sons too. The only comfort he could give her is that their sons would die with honor.

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Yoshimi was weak, and only getting weaker. Her sons Hashirama and Kawarama sat by her in the garden they all had worked on in quiet companionship. In Kawarama’s arms, he held a baby Itama. In Hashirama’s arms, he held a baby Tobirama.  Neither boy knew why their father had been distant, a cold type of anger he only really showed after arguments in his office with aunt Mizu. 

But their mother had been crying, unable to care for her newborns so the brothers helped as best they could. She was like a ghost, and it had scared the two boys. So, Kawarama had run to his aunt Mizu while Hashirama took his brothers to another room so he could try and stop their own cries. He had never been so grateful to see his aunt, followed by his cousins Touka and Shingo.

Touka was only three years older than Hashirama, who was a year older than Kawarama. But she had been his closest confidant as Yoshimi’s health started to fall thanks to her ‘mind sickness’.

Aunt Mizu had tended to their mother, voice a hushed whisper and brushing their mother’s pretty silver hair. It was greasy today… Which confused the brothers as she had taken great pride to teach Hashirama and Kawarama the importance of healthy hair. It was a nice color that complimented Aunt Mizu’s pale, sandy colored hair. A color that matched the older twin, Itama, if only partially. There is no question of their heritage… Right? 

Hashirama had managed to distract the twins long enough for Kawarama to take Itama again and with both their cousins help the babies finally settle. Which was good, because Hashirama was stressed and his own tears were falling from the distress of his baby brothers.

Hashirama was told by his cousin Shingo that they were upset because his mom was upset, so that it was smart of him to take his brothers into his room. The affirmation he did the right thing helped soothe him as Hashirama hid in Shingo’s chest. Leaving Kawarama to bundle up the now sleeping twins and lay them on his own bed.

Hashirama took his cousin to Kawa-well, his and Kawarama’s room. Otousama didn’t like them sharing a room, saying it would make them soft. But even now, as long as they woke up early he didn’t have to know… Today was hard, and Hashirama wanted his brothers and cousins with him.

Aunt Mizuko stayed all night. She had their cousins stay in the brothers room to help with the twins. 

Hashirama didn’t know why his ookasan’s eyes, usually a bright onyx, seemed so cloudy and dull.

When he was a little older, he would figure out why. Even if Itama’s hair (dark like Otousama’s and then a sandy pale almost white) made sure everyone knew they were Senju Butsuma’s offspring, Tobirama had been a question. Has an evil spirit touched Yoshimi? Was it an omen? The clan medics were less superstitious, saying it was just something that happened at random (along with Tobirama being neither boy or girl). But the elders were always whispering.

As always, Hashirama’s aunt would defend her sister in law (like she had her eldest brother, glaring at Butsuma as if he were dirt on her shoe). The clan may have eyed their mother with suspicion, but aunt Mizu and the healers were always there to defend her with a viciousness that almost seemed out of place among the Senju.

After that, Hashirama only clung to his brothers more. Even when he was told that doing so would only coddle them.

Even when Kawarama was killed, Outosama told Hashirama it was his fault for being too distracted to save him and thus, his coddling killed Kawarama. To remember Kawarama as a shinobi who died with honor as being sad would only shame him. Despite all of it, Hashirama clung to his siblings.

He was a failure of a big brother, according to Otousama.

But aunt Mizuko said he was doing the right thing, and it made Hashirama wonder.

Was Butsuma mad at his son? Or was he mad that he couldn’t help Kawarama?

The worst was sitting with his brothers, total silence enveloping Kawarama’s room as Touka stood guard outside. Their mother was gone, Kawarama was gone, and eventually he would lose Itama a few months later.

Hashirama decided he would find peace, that he would make it so his last baby brother would live. If that made Butsuma angry, then Hashirama was prepared for it. He always made his father angry so what was a little more resentment on top of the rest?