Work Text:
Smoking was second nature to chefs. The kitchen is so loud, so fast, so crazy, that the only outlet most have to calm their nerves was to have a smoke.
Sydney held back from it for as long as she could. She turned to breathing exercise, stress balls and even carrying slime around to play with when things got too rowdy, but as everyone in the industry eventually does, she gave in.
The habit didn’t last long though. She hated the taste and smell of the smoke, the good cigarettes were way too expensive and one of her co-workers got diagnosed with lung cancer. That was more than enough for her to swear off it forever.
“You should probably stop doing that you know” She softly said to Carmy, breaking the tense silence they were standing on after a particularly bad day at the restaurant.
“Uh?” He asked while exhaling.
“Smoking, you should stop smoking, you could get cancer and stuff”
Carmy smirked and turned off his cigarette. “Alright” He didn’t stop smoking, of course not, but tried to not do it around Sydney.
Sydney brought back her trusty old friends, the old stressball that she had fixed many times and some slime that TJ had made for her. They worked at first but the more into the renovation they got, the more she felt like she needed something stronger.
The straw that broke the camel’s back was getting stood up by Carmy. He had been acting like an idiot for days, not doing the things he was supposed to, they had already argued about it, multiple times, and each time he promised to do better only to end up doing worse.
He had promised they would start working on the menu after weeks of her begging him to start. It had been his idea to go on a tour to get new ideas and see what their competitors were doing. He had picked the time and the place. This was all him and yet he was missing.
Sydney went on the tour, checking her phone every time she entered a new restaurant to find her messages still delivered but not seen and definitely not answered. With every restaurant the anger and the stress grew stronger until she couldn’t hold it anymore and asked a stranger if they could give her a cigarette.
She told herself it would be a one time thing so there was no point in spending money on a pack and a lighter, plus, if no one gave her one then she wouldn’t smoke, it wasn’t a big deal, it definitely wouldn’t become a habit.
But of course it did.
Sydney created rules to make herself feel better about it. She wouldn’t smoke while at work, she wouldn’t keep cigarettes at home and she would only smoke when the stress was so strong that the slime and stress ball couldn’t keep it down.
Slowly but surely the rules were broken, but she always had an excuse for it.
She smoked at the restaurant but it was after service and no one was there so it didn’t count. She brought the cigarettes home but it was because she forgot to take them out of her bag, plus, she didn’t smoke any, so it didn’t count. She was smoking every day but the stress was just too much, what else could she do?, so it didn't count.
Sydney was mad at herself for smoking, it felt like she was losing a part of herself for The Bear. She had stopped smoking for a reason and yet, every time Carmy was brought up she immediately felt the need to smoke.
She didn’t want anyone to know, she knew they would make a huge deal about it and the last thing she wanted was to have to explain herself, but you can’t keep a secret forever.
She had invited everyone to her place after Ever’s funeral, she was pissed at Carmy for disappearing and didn’t want to be alone, she hoped that having people around would distract her but it didn’t so there she was, nesting a drink in one hand and a cigarette in the other while the cold night wind hit her in the face.
“What are you doing?” She heard a voice coming from the side asking. She turned to find Richie and quickly dropped the cigarette.
“Nothing”
“You sure? Cause I could swear I saw you smoking”
“You saw wrong”
“C’mon sweetheart, everybody knows you smoke now. You have that look and you smell like it sometimes. What we don’t know is why?”
Sydney looked ahead, not wanting to have this conversation, especially not with Richie of all people.
“Is it Carmy?” She simply lets out a deep sigh, still not looking at him. “Of course it is"
They kept silence for a few seconds before Richie rested his back against the walk, mimicking her position. “Well, you should probably stop, it’s not good for you” He said seriously before turning to look at her with a smile “Now give me one, I need it”
Sydney tried multiple times to stop smoking, gave herself challenges, deadlines, rewards, but she would always go back to it for one reason or another. She never could have imagined what would make her stop for good.
Sydney and Carmy stood in silence in the alley. Him staring at her, trying to predict her next move, while she looked anywhere but at him. He had just told her he was leaving and there was nothing she could say or do to change his mind.
“Do you have a cigarette?” She asked, finally accepting that it was over and not caring to uphold an image of herself that was fake to begin with.
“What?”
“Do you have a cigarette Carmen?” She repeated, louder and harsher.
“You don’t smoke”
“I do know” Carmy tentatively and slowly pulls out a cigarette and lights it up on her lips, the closest they have been in weeks.
“You should probably stop doing that you know, you could get cancer and stuff” He said after a few moments of silence. Sydney smirked, remembering when she said those same words to him, doubting that he remembered that.
“You wanna know why I smoke? Because of you. The first time I did it was when you blew me off to hang out with Claire. After that I just couldn’t stop, you stressed me out so much that even thinking about you made me want to smoke”
She took one last puff before offering the cigarette back to him.
“But now you’re leaving, so I guess I can stop now”
He took the cigarette and took a puff of it as he saw her walk away before turning it off. Knowing, even if not consciously, that that would be the last smoke of his life.