Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

There’s something powerful in submission.

Pain, pulling pleasure out of bodies like waves.

There’s something like deliverance in dominance.

A giving of bodies, trusting in the tenuous bond of belief.

In one another, in the gifts of the universe,

It was truly something, indeed, to love one another.

*

James

*

May

Some days James Potter really hated his job. Today was one of those days. 

He was already exhausted as he lugged his bag of lights and camera gear to a downtown Manhattan apartment, where he was going to meet a bride and groom to take their engagement photos. It would be an hour-long shoot, and that was all fine, seeing as how that was his job. But, he followed that appointment up immediately with an in-house photoshoot with his best friend Lily and her girlfriend, Mary. 

Honestly, James was looking forward to the second half of his day, which was unpaid, way more than the first half. Nothing against brides and grooms or anything, but this specific couple...they gave him the ick. 

Within fifteen minutes of walking with them to their designated spots in the city, the couple fought. Three times. Over the dumbest shit James had ever heard. 

“You forgot the wine glasses? Christ, John! We’re supposed to be doing a ‘picnic’ shoot! How are we supposed to get the right vibe now?” The bride fumed. 

James tried doing damage control, tried calming the bride down, but then it was the groom’s turn.

“How was I supposed to know? You literally gave me ten minutes to get ready! Of course, I forgot the dumb glasses!”

“That’s because your dumb ass was an hour late getting up! Don’t blame me for not waking you up three different times after the first four!” 

James sighed. 

“Hey, friends, let’s just work with what we have,” James said, trying to find a diplomatic solution in his head. 

Seriously. Being a photographer was 90% troubleshooting. Whether it was a wedding mishap, wardrobe malfunction, or his lights breaking down, most of his job was to figure out how to keep doing his job. How to keep shooting, how to keep moving forward. You could say James got used to having to improvise. Luckily for him, most of his clients didn’t think about the issues of the shooting day after they saw the final results. Most...but not all.

The goal was to spend the majority of the shoot at Central Park, then move back to the city streets when blue hour hit. As they entered the park, James took a deep breath, finding solace amongst the trees. God, what he’d give to go to the mountains. Or at least anywhere that wasn’t the city. Just for a minute. A moment of reprieve. 

“Okay, let’s start here,” James said, stopping the couple and setting down his belongings at his feet. The light filtered through the trees in wisps, speaking of golden rays in about twenty more minutes. 

James grabbed his camera, a Nikon d750 with a simple 50mm lens to start. He knew he’d have to move around a little bit more than was comfortable without a zoom lens, but he wanted the specific flare and aberration that this lens gave him. 

From there, it was only a matter of avoiding passing runners in the background, finding where the light touched the bride’s beautiful hair, and composing new shots on the fly. They didn’t talk, and from what James could tell, they looked tight and uncomfortable. He had them jump up and down a bit, shaking out the loose knots in their muscles from the walk. When that didn’t work, he gave instructions for some more goofy movements, like swinging their hands rapidly between them as they walked.

After a few tries, the couple loosened up and started laughing. James cracked a smile from behind his viewfinder and started shooting as quickly as the camera could save the images to the memory card. Right here. These moments made his job worth it. 

Because as soon as the groom cracked the silliest sounds and flailing limbs, the bride started beaming. Her smile was gorgeous. All toothy and unashamed. Just like James loved. She didn’t hold back after a few words of affirmation from him. They even started dancing in the middle of the street, totally unprompted. James photographed that like mad, hoping his hands were steady. If James could get a shot of just them, alone in Central Park, with golden rays showering them, haloing them in beautiful light, James would cry. That was a once-in-a-lifetime shot.

The sun vanished behind the trees as quickly as it came, leaving them in that magical transition period between Golden Hour and Blue Hour. It was the time of day James loved the most. Where the color in the shadows started leaching away, and the vibrancy of the day faded to a more sensual, intimate frame. 

If James could stay in Central Park, illuminated by the lanterns and the fading sunlight, he would’ve reveled in it. Still, he was in a time crunch and needed to finish up here so he could get to Lily’s. 

His heart felt better as he said goodbye to the couple, who had all but forgotten their earlier disagreement in all the fun they’d had. James smiled, his chest aching just a bit. He was glad he could make them forget their troubles. Even if he was pessimistic about their nuptials, he truly hoped that he’d helped, even if it was just a little. 

Back aching and feet throbbing, James pushed onward, donning his black mask, catching a taxi, and heading toward his friends’ place. He looked at the small LCD screen, reviewing some of the pictures in the back seat of his car as the driver took them toward Hoboken. James tried not to think about the taxi fare. He would have taken the subway if it were just him, but seeing as how he was carrying almost $5000 worth of equipment, he really really didn’t want to risk it. 

He pulled out his phone and started filming a TikTok, portraying his job as something super easy and flawless, even though his feet were beginning to swell in his Converse (when would he learn to get a decent pair of runners?). He’d gotten his follower count high enough so he was making around $100 a day, and he couldn’t afford to let his views slip. People tended to like these behind-the-scenes snapshots anyway. It was an easy way to drum up wedding gigs, too. 

So, James spewed some little tale about Lily and Mary, how they were hopelessly in love, living in the city of their dreams, not caring about their tiny apartment. Because they were in love, it didn’t matter what life threw at them. Bad days, good days. Not enough money for a vacation, but just enough to buy popcorn and rent a movie to watch in bed. They would be fine as long as they had one another. 

His hand shook a bit as he exited the cab. 

He didn’t let himself think about love too much anymore. Even when his clients rubbed it in his face, even when James signed up for gut-wrenchingly sappy photoshoots for his portfolio, he kept himself at arm’s length. He didn’t let it in. Though it was infinitely harder when Lily cupped Mary’s chin and forced her puppy eyes back at her. Especially when Mary responded with that dopey grin and melted into Lily’s arms. 

James swallowed hard and busied himself with his camera settings, even though the lighting was already perfect. 

Lily ordered them a pizza as thanks when all was said and done, and James showed them some of the photos, explaining how he’d used his flashes and colored gels to create different effects. Mary beamed at the one where their foreheads were touching, and they stared deeply into one another’s eyes. James liked that one too. Especially how the blue-gelled flash had beamed between them. Almost as though a sad feeling had settled over the photo. Maybe in another life, this photo was the story of two lovers separated by some inexplicable torture. Maybe one of them was sick, or maybe one of them had to leave the country. Maybe that photo was the last thing they’d ever do together... 

James blinked at the camera, lost in his depressing thoughts as Mary tickled her girlfriend. The giggles surrounding him were at odds with his lonely thoughts, the slight pang throbbing in his chest. James swallowed his feelings and put on his best grin for his friends. They didn’t deserve his angst. And James certainly didn’t want their pity. 

“So, the big three-oh is coming up,” Lily said, grabbing another greasy slice as she gave James a sideward glance. 

“Yep,” James said, mouth full of pepperonis. 

“Wanna go out? Do something?” 

“Can’t. Working,” he said, swallowing. “I’ve got a wedding. It’s like this big two-day ordeal, too.”

“A two-day wedding? Is that a cultural thing?” Mary asked, stretching and showing a tiny sliver of skin. Lily’s eyes twinkled at her girlfriend’s tummy, and  James just about rolled his eyes at them. He supposed he’d have to leave pretty soon. Maybe these kinds of photoshoots were a good aphrodisiac or something. 

“No, I wish. I’d love to do a traditional South Asian wedding someday,” James sighed. It was one of the only kinds of weddings he’d left to add to his portfolio. They were so vibrant and colorful and energetic. He’d love to photograph one someday. “But, no, this is just a wealthy family. Bunch of doctors and lawyers. One of the grooms knows my mom, and they’re flying me out, housing me, and having me work the rehearsal dinner and wedding day.”

“Damn,” Lily said with a whoosh. 

“Yeah,” James echoed. “I’m not sure what to expect, honestly. I mean, I’ve talked with the coordinator a whole bunch, but I’ve never done a wedding this big.”

“Don’t you need a second shooter for something like that?” 

“Yeah, usually, but that’s the thing. Since COVID, the venue limits events to fifty people,” James said. “There’s not really enough to warrant another photographer.”

“That’s kinda small for a wedding,” Mary said, pushing a hand through her hair. 

“Yeah. But, I’m just glad to have the business,” James murmured. “I was really starting to dip into savings there for a bit.”

“Right,” Lily said, absently. 

“Anyway, a fifty-person wedding is easy enough for just me. I’m just worried I’ll be under-dressed or, like, weirdly unsociable or something.”

“Jamie, you think too much. You’ll be fine.”

“Yeah,” he shrugged. “Work-wise, camera-wise, I know I’ll be fine. It’ll just be boring in between all the actual camera stuff.”

“Where is it?”

“Vermont,” James said. “Some fancy waterside venue. I’m actually really excited.”

“And you’re going? All expenses paid?”

“Yeah,” he grinned.

“Damn, that shit’s nice .” Mary nodded, washing down her pizza with a gulp of red wine. 

James nodded. He really was excited. Even though he was a little sad that he couldn’t celebrate his birthday or see his friends. But honestly, did he even want to do that? All his friends were married or in relationships. He’d be the odd man out, just like he always was. 

Whatever. It didn’t matter. On Friday, he would board a plane, get out of the city, and photograph the wedding of his dreams. 

No big deal. 

**

What James hadn’t expected was how intimate the wedding would be. Not only were they flying him out, they had a private jet. And he wasn’t the only person on it. Apart from him, there was the DJ, the videographer, a damn fireworks guy, and a harpist with her massive instrument. It was honestly kind of surreal. Who the hell had this kind of money? And to spend it on a wedding? 

James stuck in his wired earbuds and hid behind his mask. He slept for a bit, then talked with the videographer, Peter, who was apparently friends with the grooms. They talked cameras for a bit, both of them rocking Nikons, though his setup was completely mirrorless. James was jealous. Both his cameras were DSLRs, both a Nikon d750, which sort of felt archaic nowadays. He’d packed his entire kit for this wedding, bringing duplicates of almost everything. He had like twenty fully charged batteries, seven flashes, a bunch of tripods and light stands, even his reflectors and diffusers. James knew he wouldn’t likely need them, but since he was going to be here for the entire weekend, he figured, what the hell. Maybe they would want a bunch of staged and lit photos done. They definitely had plenty of time to do so, according to the itinerary. 

Sirius Black and Remus Lupin. 

Sirius was a thirty-two-year-old hottie and a well-known D.C. defense lawyer. James had heard from his mom that he was maybe even thinking about running for office. But, honestly, as soon as he heard the word “senator,” he’d stopped paying attention. On the other hand, Remus was a tailor and clothing designer known for his designs on famous HBO shows like Game of Thrones or Euphoria. When James’s mom had told him that, he became increasingly curious about how a designer could work on costumes so fantastical as GoT and outfits so…regular as in Euphoria. His mom basically lectured him on the difficulty of set and costume design for a modern-day drama. Apparently, it wasn’t as easy a job as James thought. 

He’d only seen photos of the grooms, lost to their beauty almost instantly. Sirius was this brilliant, ethereal god of a man. His long, brown-black hair was almost shoulder-length, and his curls flowed like waves. Biting, silvery eyes rimmed by thick, black lashes, his skin was snowy, and there was this aura around him, almost like he was too beautiful and he knew it. Remus, on the other hand, was rugged, if a bit lanky, with freckle-covered skin. He had a gorgeous smile, pulled gently by some scarring on his face, and he had beautifully warm eyes and flush, rosy cheeks. 

They were just about the most beautiful couple he’d photographed since he started charging for his services. When James first started photography out of college, he photographed a couple of relatives’ weddings, including his aunt’s second wedding. They were in their fifties, and the wedding was small, but he loved it. It wasn’t a wedding for show. It was a wedding to celebrate. They gave him $200 to basically just hang out with his camera. And with that level of freedom, James got some of his best work, even to date. With just an old Nikon d80 and a 50mm lens. 

Nowadays, his weddings were filled with staging, posing, and a lot of trendy photos. Not that it wasn’t fun, it just felt a little like each wedding was copied and pasted from one client to the next. He didn’t feel as creatively charged afterward as he used to. 

He had high hopes for Sirius and Remus, though. With this much money into a wedding, it had to be different. There would at least be a fireworks show. James loved fireworks. 

The plane landed in Burlington at dusk, and they were immediately ushered into a series of black cars by the woman James assumed was the wedding coordinator, Marlene McKinnon. She was in a navy pantsuit and had the look of a new parent as she corralled them. James fought to keep from laughing when she panicked, thinking she’d lost her pen. It was behind her ear. 

God, it was like a movie! James sat with Peter-the-videographer, and they were carted away to a half-farm, half-wedding venue on the coast of Lake Champlain. It was too dark to really see much of anything, but James could make out the lake and a sliver of mountains just past it with the fading dusk light. He hugged the window like a toddler seeing Candyland just beyond the glass. 

This was already the best weekend, and he’d barely just gotten here. 

They finally pulled up to the inn and were instructed to wait while the coordinator got their room keys. James was staying with Peter, but he didn’t mind. They had the same itinerary, so that worked. James looked at his phone and noted it was almost midnight. He sucked in a large breath, ready to take off his mask. He didn’t realize it was already this late. 

He turned away from the concierge toward his pile of bags, vaguely registering a collection of raucous laughter coming from the entrance behind him. He straightened, hiking his main camera bag up onto his shoulder, and turned only to find---

“Oof,” he gasped, falling as a man collided with him. James reached out and twisted his arm to catch himself on the handrail when his feet caught his tripod, causing him to fall anyway. 

“Ah, fuck,” the man grunted as he fell directly on top of James. 

James’s eyes went wide, and a dull thudding pain bloomed in his hip. He breathed in relief, however, noting that his camera was still aloft and tucked safely against his side. It hadn’t hit the ground. Nothing was broken. 

“Oh god,” he gasped. 

Then, it occurred to him that he had a very real, very strange man on top of him, almost his entire length pressed against him. James’s eyes went impossibly wide, and he started sputtering words at him. Oh my god, somehow I’d taken down the groom. Oh my god, what if he was hurt? Oh god, I killed him.  

“Shit,” the guy said, lifting himself up, wobbling hard. 

“Oh my god, are you alright? I’m so sorry! Are you okay?” James was flailing wildly around him. 

Laughter chirped around them, and the guy rubbed his head, sitting back on his ankles. James got a better look at him and almost cried in relief. It wasn’t the groom. 

“You must be James,” someone said. James turned and saw the real groom. Sirius Black stood, towering over them. He blinked, then looked back at the other guy, who was still rubbing his head. 

“Yes, that’s me. I’m so sorry,” James said, his head whipping back and forth between them. He tried reaching out to the other man and asked,  “Are you alright?”

“He’s fine,” Sirius said, extending them both a hand. 

“Gimme a sec,” the guy said, waving off Sirius. 

James took his hand and stood to his feet. Wow, Sirius was much taller than James expected. Maybe that was just the actual high heels the man was wearing.. 

“Nice to meet you, James. Remus has told me so much about you,” Sirius said, extending a handshake. James was sweating behind his mask. 

“You as well. I’m so sorry about all this,” James apologized again.

“No worries. Is all your stuff okay? We’re just getting back from the stag party,” he said. 

“Oh,” James said. That explained things. They were all a little hazy-eyed and swaying as they laughed. 

“I should say, we just started the party,” Sirius said, cracking a gorgeous smile. Wow, he was attractive. 

“I’m not drinking anymore,” said the guy still on the ground.

Sirius laughed loudly and extended his hand once more. This time, the man let Sirius pull him upright. 

“You’re a party pooper,” he said. “James, this is my brother, Regulus. You can field any medical expenses his way.”

Sirius dramatically threw a gag punch at his brother’s stomach.

“I’ll puke on you,” Regulus growled. “And it’s ex-brother. I don’t share any of his idiot genes.”

“I-I’m sure everything’s fine,” James provided hastily. “No expenses needed.”

Finally, Regulus looked up from his hand, and a wild shiver ran down James’s spine. The guy was scowling. He resembled his brother greatly but looked, for lack of a better word… mean. The guy was practically seething. When his eyes met James’s, he looked him up and down and settled back on his eyes. He was almost a full foot taller than James, and the weight of his stare was heavy. James swallowed. 

“Regulus Black,” he said, extending his hand. 

James took it gingerly, like he was a wild animal. “I’m James.”

He cocked an eyebrow. “Nice name. Nice to meet you, Jamie.”

“Oh, uh, I don’t—“

“Sorry to disturb you, gentlemen, but your cigars are waiting for you in the lounge,” the coordinator said, popping into the lobby right as James was about to correct Regulus. 

“Come on, Reggie. Leave poor James alone,” Sirius said, tugging on his brother’s arm. “We’ll see you in the morning, James. Rest up. Remus is a wild one.”

Regulus scoffed loudly at that.

Sirius winked at him, and boy James practically melted. Remus was lucky as hell. Sirius was dripping with sex. 

James nodded and eyed Regulus once more, noting that he seemed to have the same magnetism as his brother but somehow darker. A tortured soul, maybe. 

Frowning, they departed without another word, and James tried gathering his belongings to head upstairs once more. 

This...this was going to be an interesting weekend for sure.

*

Regulus

*

Sun filtered through the eyelet cotton drapes in rivulets of hazy warmth. Sparkles of dust, a shower of gold, a promise of a beautiful day ahead.

Regulus groaned.

His head throbbed, entirely at odds with the beauty of the morning light. The digital clock on his nightstand read almost nine in the morning. Regulus groaned louder. 

His eyes burned from the light, even though they were still closed. He squeezed tight, willing the orangy-red of his eyelids to fade back to black. Surely he could sleep longer. He had to. It was too early for this shit. Pretty days and a full itinerary of sailing and mimosas and too much food. Ugh. It was no use. Regulus threw his arm over his face and pleaded with his body to recede into that heavy sleep state he needed. 

Because Regulus really needed more sleep. Normally, he was the grouchiest person he knew. If he had any sleep debt, he’d become an unrivaled grump—a total downer. 

But, really? That was his natural state. 12-hour shifts in the ICU, maybe the occasional overtime at the pulmonology clinic. It was never-ending. And god knows Regulus loved his job. But, without a hobby or at least something to go home to, he overreached at work, leading to missed meals, lack of sleep, and a thinning tolerance for fuck all. 

Next door, it was clear his brother was awake. The fucker turned on Post Malone and started blasting it. Shit, it was like the god of the universe said, “Here’s Sirius Black. Douchebag of the century. Total Chad.” or whatever the Gen-Zers were calling it these days. And then god said, “Here’s Regulus Black. He’s gonna be the exact opposite of his brother.”

“Turn it off,” Regulus groaned, knowing Sirius couldn’t hear him. But even if he had, Regulus had a record of about a thousand wrestling matches that told him Sirius wouldn’t care. 

Plus, it was his wedding weekend. Regulus groaned inwardly. Better just leave it alone. 

He lowered his arm and blinked bleary eyes at the pretty inn’s ceiling. How does one actually make a ceiling pretty? Damn. Regulus turned his head to see his phone, wallet, and keys on the nightstand next to him. Phone was unplugged. Great. He reached for the cable to plug it in and hopefully get at least a little bit of charge while he showered. 

With a throbbing head and itchy eyes, Regulus sat up and ran a hand over his face and through his hair. He’d gone to bed almost fully dressed. God knows how drunk he was last night. Judging by how his stomach was rolling with nausea, his guess was pretty drunk. 

Let’s see. As he stood and stripped, headed for a warm shower, he tried to remember what had happened at Sirius’s party. It had been pretty low-key. The man was thirty-two, for god’s sake. Lord knows they shouldn’t be partying like they were twenty-one. But, seeing as Regulus was dry-gagging as he brushed his teeth, his guess was they had tried. Ugh. Drinks at O’Malley’s. Then over to the golf course for a speed round of driving. Regulus somewhat remembered Sirius and Marlene swinging their clubs unsuccessfully and falling face-first into the dirt. He popped a smirk at the memory. 

Okay, so they were total dicks. Probably defaced the pretty club’s bathrooms, if memory serves. Regulus vowed to swing by and see if there was anything he could do. Maybe they had caused damages. Ugh. What a pain. 

But then they did shots in the limo? Somehow ended up back at the inn? Regulus blinked and stepped into a scalding shower, running a bar of soap over his skin. Marlene’s voice piqued in his memory. Something about cigars...

Oh. Wait...What was that throbbing in his head...there was something else. Regulus pinched the bridge of his nose. He was a mess. 

Shortly before leaving Manhattan, Regulus had a twelve-hour shift at the hospital, barely getting a moment to sit down before leaving for his four-day weekend. It had been brutal. Three kids looking for opiates, two survivors of obvious domestic abuse, and one death, an elderly woman passing from a fight with cancer. If Regulus had any hope for the world or any remaining tolerance for humanity, it vanished last night. 

Probably why he got so drunk. 

“Uuugh,” Regulus groaned, feeling sick and clammy, even under the steamy shower. 

Whatever. Hopefully, he could put it behind him and enjoy Sirius and Remus’s weekend. God knows they deserved it. 

When he finished toweling off, he slid on his slacks and a white button-down, leaving three buttons undone at the top. It wasn’t warm enough for shorts, but the sun was out, and Regulus wanted it on his skin for as long as he could. He grabbed a sweater and tied it around his neck, looking so totally yacht-flare he wanted to puke. Why hadn’t he brought anything black? He cringed at his reflection but gelled and combed his curls back anyway, working through a few too many greys for comfort. Shit, Regulus was looking much older than thirty. Maybe that’s what the trauma ward does to you. 

Regulus sighed and slipped on his watch, shoes, and belt, then left his comfy little room. Sirius was right behind him, looking dapper in his pastel getup, almost matching him exactly. Regulus wanted to roll his eyes. Why, oh why, did he have to do all this shit again?

“’Sup, brother of mine?” Sirius greeted, way too chipper for a morning after heavy drinking. 

Right. Sirius was his bastard of a brother. Regulus wanted to clobber him almost all of the time, but hey. Sirius was the only family Regulus had left. And this was his weekend. 

“Hey,” Regulus said, trying to turn his attitude around with an internal groan. He lapped him on the shoulder. “Remus here yet?”

“Nope,” Sirius replied, leading him toward what Regulus assumed was breakfast. “Marlene says he’s gonna be here in thirty. Then we have some photos and lunch before we head out sailing.”

“Photos?” Regulus chewed on the inside of his cheek. Photos... “Oh my god, the photographer!” 

Regulus slapped his palm to his forehead. 

Sirius erupted in laughter. “Damn, are you just now remembering that?”

He shook his head and disregarded him as they turned the corner. He was there. The photographer was there, in the lobby, standing next to Marlene. Of course, Regulus was drunk and stupid enough to knock the guy entirely over and probably break half of his shit. Dammit. And this guy was cute too—shit, what a terrible first impression. 

Without a glance back at Sirius, Regulus stalked over to him. The guy’s eyes went wide, and he looked him over, probably without even thinking about it. Regulus supposed he looked different than the night before. He cowered and internally kicked himself. He probably scared the guy shitless.

“Regulus, good morning,” Marlene said pleasantly. “This is James, the photographer for the weekend. James, this is Regulus Black, the best man.”

“Yes, we’ve met,” James said. His cheeks were pink, and his thick brown hair was so pretty. Damn, what a shame. 

“James,” Regulus said gruffly, and extended his hand. He took it and shook it well. “Nice to see you again. My apologies for last night. Are you alright?”

He blinked hazel eyes at Regulus like he’d been shocked. 

“Um, yes, I’m fine. Are you?”

“A little headache, but nothing that a good breakfast can’t fix,” Regulus said with a smile. James’s cheeks pinked even more. “We got pretty into it last night,” Regulus said, gesturing to the groomsmen. “I didn’t break any of your equipment, did I?”

“No, no,” he said, waving his hands and shaking his head. Cute. “Everything’s fine. Thanks for asking. It’s no problem at all. My friends get worse than that, so it's nothing new.”

James chuckled, obviously uncomfortable. Regulus supposed he was too intimidating. He gave a nod in understanding and took a step back toward his group.

“I’ll leave you to it then,” Regulus said. The poor guy looked shell-shocked. What Regulus would give to be a little shorter than six-foot. Though Regulus had to admit—the kid looked good looking up at him. 

Regulus smirked and vowed not to think of it again. 

Remus showed up in style. A giant white limousine pulled up around noon, and out came the groom and his four groomsmen, two flower girls, and three more friends. They burst into the inn with a bang, mimosas in hand and music blaring from someone’s hand-held speaker. 

“There he is, people! There’s my Padfoot!” Remus said and ran and jumped into Sirius’s arms. 

Within seconds, Sirius was practically surrounding Remus as he kissed him. Remus lifted him off his feet, dipped him dramatically, and ravaged his neck. Sirius squealed happily, and the groomsmen all cheered. Regulus rolled his eyes and looked away. Where Regulus was gruff, Sirius was suave. Where Regulus was grumpy, Sirius was fucking happy. And that stupid ache of loneliness kept pinging around in his chest like a stupid pinball machine. 

A tiny light blipped in the corner of the room, drawing his eye over to the photographer. James. Regulus just then remembered he’d called him Jamie. He smirked. Fucking cute. 

He was clicking away as Sirius and Remus made out. Guy probably wasn’t hired to do all this, but Regulus had no doubt the shots would turn out well. Even sloppy drunk, Sirius and Remus were the most beautiful couple Regulus had ever known. He tried to pay attention to his brother and fiancée, but he couldn’t quite muster up the energy. Instead, Regulus was rather interested in the lanky, yet solid, man in the corner, cradling his camera with a big dopey grin like he’d won the lottery. Regulus couldn’t blame him. Photographing just one of them was like striking gold. And he’d gotten both of them at their happiest. 

Regulus smiled, watching him dart around the room, taking candids of everyone and everything. He barely stopped moving. Sirius and Marlene were suddenly barking orders and directing everyone out to the lakeside porch, where lunch was being served. Regulus sipped on his mimosa and wondered if James would eat with them. 

It was a gorgeous day, smack in the middle of May, and the sun was in full shine when they sat down. Regulus slid on his sunglasses, not wanting to admit that the throbbing in his skull had only barely passed, eased only slightly by the champagne. Seems like he was going to be a little drunk the whole weekend and deal with the consequences later.

Regulus sat on the couch and idly checked his phone, an old habit from being on call. Two messages: one from an LGBTQ+ group he’d joined when he’d moved to the city after residency, the other from a kink group he’d only recently decided to try. 

Regulus ignored both with an uneasy feeling in his stomach. Anxiety. Regulus was anxious. He hated that feeling. 

“Can I get you anything, sir?” a server asked, offering him a glass of water. He held out a notepad, and Regulus’s eyes immediately did a once-over. Tall, lanky, butterfly lashes, and the way he said sir. Regulus smiled.

“No, thank you. I’ll nurse my water for a bit and wait for everybody else,” Regulus said, looking around for his brother. They were still laughing in the lobby, even though Marlene had barked orders at them for the last ten minutes.

“Very well. Let me know if you need anything,” he said, emphasis on the ‘any.’

Regulus chuckled. Did he really give off that strong a vibe? He looked down at his tight, pastel-colored outfit and mentally kicked himself. Regulus literally looked like the definition of frat boy gay. Maybe if he took his shirt off and sprinkled a bit of champagne on his chest, the cute waiter would come lick him up. 

His smile faded, leaving a sigh on his lips. Forced abstinence sucked ass. 

When he looked up from his water, he noticed James sitting alone and eating his meal like he was a dying man. Regulus stood and walked over to him, noting that Remus and Sirius were likely going to be another fifteen. 

“Hello. Mind if I join you?” Regulus asked, pointing to the chair. 

James's eyes went comically wide, his cheeks stuffed. He looked like a chipmunk. When Regulus moved to sit, he chewed and swallowed so fast that Regulus winced, thinking it must hurt. 

“Why the rush?” Regulus asked, leaning back in the chair. 

“Oh, well, it’s just that I don’t want to be eating and miss a shot,” he said, wiping his face with his napkin. Regulus followed his hand with his eyes, lingering a beat too long on his lips. 

“You don’t have to try so hard, you know,” Regulus said. “There’s going to be plenty of chances.”

“Sure, I know that. But I don’t want to miss the shot,” James said. 

Regulus cocked an eyebrow in question.

“In every wedding, there’s always that one shot that’ll go on the mantel for the rest of their lives. I don’t want to miss it,” he said, his voice soft with barely concealed passion. “Plus, they are a really good-looking couple. Any picture I take of them is portfolio-worthy.”

Regulus chuckled at how James’s eyes followed them, almost like a magnet. 

“They are gorgeous. He’s way too good for my brother,” Regulus admitted. It was only half true. Sirius was the best person he’d ever known. But Remus was better, sometimes. 

“I’m not sure about that. Sirius’s really, really good looking,” James said, his breath whooshing out of him. Regulus was smiling, and his radar did that little ping as James wetted his lips with his tongue. 

“I’ll take that as a compliment, then,” Regulus said, wanting James’s eyes back on him. Regulus grimaced and mentally kicked himself. What a selfish thing to think. 

But, regardless, James turned those hazel eyes back at him, and Regulus smiled. 

“Oh, well, uh, yes. You are, uh, as well,” he said, cheeks flushing and eyes darting to and fro. “I’m sorry. That was inappropriate.”

“Not at all. It’s a wedding. These things happen,” he grinned. 

Regulus wanted James to flirt with him. Regulus wanted James to look at him. Me, me, me. He thought inwardly. He bit his tongue from saying anything else. 

James had the dignity to ignore that comment and finish his food. 

“How is that?” Regulus asked, fishing for conversation. 

“Oh, it’s wonderful. Best I’ve had in a long time,” he said with a laugh. “Definitely beats cheap pizza and beer.”

“Oh god,” Regulus grimaced. “I don’t think I could stomach that combination now.”

“Too good for pizza?” James asked, a mischievous glint in his eye. Regulus huffed a laugh and smiled. Was he making fun of him?

“No, no, not at all. I just can’t stomach it,” Regulus tried to explain. 

“Ah, I see. You need caviar and a good vintage wine to wash it down?”

“First of all, you drink champagne with caviar—“

James laughed, genuinely laughed, and Regulus lit up inside. His face was already so bright, but his laugh made his skin glow. 

“You’re making fun of me,” Regulus deadpanned, smirk still totally in place. 

“Not at all, sir. I just think that unless you’re a total snob, pizza is one of man's best creations,” James said, unconsciously leaning toward Regulus.

Regulus growled in his head. James did not just call him ‘sir’ and think he’d walk away from him. 

“What do you do?” James asked while Regulus was still attempting to smother all his suddenly dirty thoughts. 

“I’m a doctor,” Regulus said. “I’m an intensivist at St. Mungo’s, working in the ICU.”

James straightened, recognizing the hospital name, and swallowed. “You live in New York?”

“Yes, Upper East Side,” Regulus said. 

James smiled softly and returned, “I’m in Jersey City.”

“Ah, a fellow New Yorker. How long have you been around the city?”

James relaxed with a small smile. Maybe because Regulus didn’t make fun of him for being in Jersey City. Maybe because Regulus didn’t treat him like scum the way some of his colleagues would have. 

“I moved after University. I went to Harvard for a while but dropped out,” he confessed, like it was a test. 

“Good move,” Regulus said. “Don’t tell Sirius I said that, though. He’s Harvard Law.”

James smiled even brighter. Regulus guessed he’d passed the test. 

“I see,” he said. “I was wondering.”

James paused, and Regulus asked, “Where all the money came from?”

He blushed, laughed, and said, “Well, I wasn’t going to ask.”

“Don’t worry. We know we’re wealthy. This is a big weekend for them, and they wanted to spend a fuck ton on it.”

“I understand,” he said, squirming like he was uncomfortable with the discussion. 

“What about you, James? What do you do?” Regulus said, hoping to turn the tables. “Is this your full-time gig?”

“Yes, and I hope it will always be,” he said, smiling and cradling his camera again like a child. 

“You love it,” Regulus stated. It was so obvious.

“Yes,” he breathed. “I left college to pursue photography, and everyone said it was the stupidest mistake.”

“It clearly wasn’t. I bet Sirius’s paying you a fuck ton too,” Regulus admitted. 

“Ah, I wouldn’t say that,” he said and bowed like he forgot he was working for a second. 

“Do you need to go?” Regulus asked. “Don’t let me keep you.”

“I suppose I should. Though they still haven’t moved.”

“I bet Marlene’s about to pop a blood vessel,” Regulus chuckled. 

“She does seem a bit... high-strung,” James said. 

“You’re telling me. I’ve been dealing with her since Sirius brought her to meet everyone back in middle school,” Regulus said. 

“Wow, you all don’t look very old,” he said. 

“How old do you think I am?” Regulus asked, a shit-eating grin on his face. 

“Thirty-three?”

“Close, I’m thirty,” Regulus said. 

He just nodded. 

“Okay, not fair. Your turn,” Regulus laughed. 

“Oh, well, I guess I’m thirty as well,” he said, blushing again for some reason. 

“You guess?” Regulus raised his eyebrows, though he was purring happily in his head. They were the same age.

“Um, well, it's my birthday today,” he said, and oh my god, that bashful thing he had going on was killing Regulus. 

“Really now,” Regulus said, his grin only growing in size. 

“Yes,” he whispered. 

“Well, Happy Birthday, James. I’m sure you’ll have a heck of a time today. Sirius and Remus throw a hell of a party, so enjoy it, okay?” Regulus said and tapped James’s hand with his for just a second before standing and leaving.

He threw a curious and shy gaze up at him, and god, Regulus wanted to eat him up. Instead, he left, giving him a solid wink before dragging his brother out so James could get all the shots he wanted of the happy couple. 

*

James

*

Flirting was absolutely not James’s strong suit. 

And this guy was totally flirting with him. Right? He wasn’t crazy, right? Some sort of wild bravery had come over him with that whole pizza bit, but damn, did James really poke Regulus about his wealth? Talk about tactless. He was just glad he hadn’t upset him. 

Though Regulus was so different than last night. Maybe he was just like that when he was drunk? That’s a little bit of a red flag, James thought. But, no, they were well into the evening now, and Regulus had been steadily drinking all day. The flush on his cheeks grew, but his spirits still seemed high. He was fun to be around, singing loudly with his brother when they sailed, joking, and playing with his soon-to-be brother-in-law. He even ruffled the feathers of some of the bridesmaids, giddy in his drunkenness.

James’s eye was drawn to him. And when no one was looking, James took his picture. He was a different sort of handsome than Sirius. Where Sirius was dashing and princely, Regulus was stark and almost daunting, like a fire that burned really, really hot. His flushed skin and willowy limbs reached peak attractiveness around eight in the evening, just after the dinner toasts. He’d donned a suit at this point in the evening, charcoal black, sleek, slim-fitted. He’d slicked back half of his curly raven hair, and James found his eyes drawn to the beauty marks all over his face. He looked shorter than his brother, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t tall. His blazer hugged his arms like a second skin, almost brazen with the way it fit him. His shirt was black underneath, and without a tie to close it up, two buttons rested undone at the base of his neck. James spied his collarbone just under his shirt, and suddenly he was having those thoughts he’d longed for in all these years of celibacy. 

Though he supposed that really hadn’t been his choice. It just sorta...happened. The celibacy, that is. 

Dinner turned into drinks, and drinks turned into a full-blown dance party. It was like a wedding reception rehearsal. And after a while, James was aching. His fingers were sore from holding his camera, and his knees were starting to give. Sooner or later, he’d need to sit down permanently for the night. Otherwise, tomorrow, the actual wedding, would kill him.

At around nine-thirty, Marlene came over to him. 

“Okay, James, we should be good to call it a night. They don’t have anything else planned, but you’re welcome to stay if you’d like. Though I think you should rest up for tomorrow,” she said.

“Right, 11 AM call time,” James said, like it was a play rather than a wedding. 

“Yes,” she responded. “I’m headed to my room, but I have my cell on, so call if you need me. Only if you need me.”

“Yes, ma’am,” James said with a laugh and watched her walk away. 

He circled back to the small supply room, where he’d stashed his camera bag and fitted the lens and body into the sections before zipping it up and leaving it there. His instincts warned him against leaving his camera alone, but he’d been assured so many times that James was the only one using that closet that James forced himself to relax. It was hard, though, when his camera was like his child. 

“You’re back,” Regulus said with a smile, stepping into his space easily. James beamed at him, wondering what this wonderful feeling was. “I thought you called it a night.”

James pondered his response for a second, wondering how to flirt with this guy. He didn’t even know if he was gay, despite his suspicions. 

“No, I just needed to put down my gear. It’s heavy,” James said, kicking himself for not having some witty remark about calling it a night.

“It’s your birthday, so you need to party,” he said and grabbed his hand. His skin zapped when he touched him. 

“Oh, no--“ James started, but stopped when his heart thumped at his touch. Regulus pulled him back out to the party. 

God, James hated being a virgin at 30 years of age. Everything was too much and too little all the time. His desperation knew no bounds. 

His eyes trailed Regulus’s svelte back, and his mouth practically drooled at how his muscles were working underneath that thin dress shirt. James briefly wondered where his blazer was. Had he gone back to his room to drop it off? Which room was he in? James stopped his brain quickly before he could think too much. 

“Have a drink, kid,” Regulus said, thrusting a shot at him. James’s eyes went wide, and he let out a laugh. “You’re off the clock. This is personal time now. Drink up.”

James swallowed hard against a dry throat before accepting the drink. Regulus’s bright, stormy eyes watched him as he downed the liquid, warmth surging down his throat before he coughed. Regulus laughed and threw his head back, raven curls loosening around his temples. 

“How was it, Jamie? Good? That shit’s expensive!”

“What?!”

He just laughed and clapped him on the shoulder, his fingers lingering on James's shoulder for a second longer. 

“Relax, kid, it’s on the house. Or it's on him, whatever,” he said, waving his hand idly toward Sirius. 

James’s brain fizzled some sort of joke about being “on him,” but he couldn’t figure out how to make it land right. Flirting...sheesh. 

“Relaaaax, James. You look so strung up,” Regulus said, his own body loose and fun. James watched him dance back into the crowd with envy. 

“Hey, you just tell me if he’s bothering you,” Remus showed up suddenly next to him. “I’ll kick his ass.”

“Oh no, no problem. I’m having fun. Did you need anything?” James asked. The groom, of course, was still his top priority. 

“Not at all,” he said, his smile gleaming like a sunset. “I’m glad you’re getting to unwind. You looked a little pinched all day.”

James sighed with a smile. It was really fucking nice to photograph people his own age. “Well, thank you. It’s not every day that I get to relax and enjoy myself on the job.”

“You’re not on the job tonight, so have fun. Enjoy. Until eleven tomorrow, you’re our guest,” Remus said and slung an arm over James’s shoulder for emphasis. James smiled and nodded, thanking his lucky stars that he’d gotten this gig. This would be the best wedding he’d ever worked, hands down. 

Sirius called out for Remus, and suddenly, he was kissing James’s cheek and bounding off to his betrothed. If it hadn’t been so dark and without any sort of lighting help, James would have loved to get a picture of them dancing on top of the inn’s bar. But James guessed that the memory would have to just live in his head instead. 

Though he was glad for the ‘night off,’ so to speak, James quickly realized that he was kind of alone here. He didn’t know anyone aside from the grooms and now the best man. And they were all occupied. James fidgeted with his sleeve and felt that ache of loneliness reverberate in his chest again, cold and hot inside him all at the same time. 

At home, James was the perpetual third wheel. Here, he was just a stranger. And honestly, he was tired. His limbs ached, and his stomach was gurgling at the liquor he’d just drunk. His hands were cramping, and the events of the day were catching up to him. Within maybe five minutes of standing by himself, without his camera to hide behind, James gave up. He couldn’t take the intense feeling. Outsider. That’s all James was. A stranger. Not a friend or even a colleague. He was just there. Just existing. 

And tonight, it really hurt.  

He bit down on his lip to keep it from quivering before sneaking back to his closet to grab his belongings. He returned to his room. Peter-the-videographer was still enjoying himself downstairs. Maybe if he’d been a little more outgoing, a little more friendly, James wouldn’t have spent the entire day by himself. 

He sighed, ignoring his own thoughts, and turned on a bath, settling in to soak and relax before heading to bed. He only wished he had a spliff to smoke.

**

The day of the wedding was familiar, finally. James showed up fifteen minutes early, thankful that he’d slept almost twelve full hours. His body was rested and relaxed, and when Marlene put him to work, James dove right in. 

He was given Sirius’s veil, shoes, the rings, and the invitation and was sent on his way to “do his thing.” This is where James thrived. He took about a billion macro shots detailing the smaller items of the weddings, and yes, he did the ring-in-the-flower picture. It was very pretty. James took wide shots of the chapel and the inn itself. He took photos of the women getting ready in their rooms, careful to avoid any potential for half-naked bridesmaids. The groomsmen were still playing pool in their suite.

Then, James headed to Sirius’s room while the girls’ makeup was getting set. It was just Sirius and Regulus in the room when James snuck in. Sirius was sniffling, and James quickly hid, hoping to catch a tear-jerker moment between the brothers. When James peeked around the corner, he saw only Regulus’s face, stoic and beautiful, showcasing a full range of emotion. Regulus was fixing his brother’s tie, and James waited a minute, switching his camera to Quiet mode, cursing himself for not buying a mirrorless camera, which was silent. The shutter would give him away instantly.

“I’m so fucking happy, Reggie,” Sirius said to his brother. 

“I’m happy for you, Siri,” Regulus said, his voice gruff. 

“I didn’t think it’d happen for me, you know? With mom and dad...”

“Don’t,” Regulus cut him off. James willed his heart to beat softer. 

“But, you know what I mean, right? We’ve been through a god-damn war, Reg.”

Regulus nodded, his hands stilling against his brother’s chest. 

“He’s a god,” Sirius said, his voice wistful. “He’s a god, Regulus, and he still picked me.”

“Save it for your vows, Sirius,” Regulus deadpanned. 

“I hope you get this one day,” Sirius said, and James watched Regulus freeze. 

After a second, he huffed and replied, “Don’t start that. Not today.”

“Okay, okay, I won’t. But, for real, you’ve gotta get him out of your head.”

“Jesus, Sirius. What part of ‘don’t start’ do you not get? Dumbass,” Regulus grumbled, still rigid but trying to laugh it off. James was suddenly heavily invested. 

“Alright, I’m a dumbass. But, I love you, and I want you happy,” Sirius said, his voice almost petulant. 

James didn’t know that he should hear anymore, so he lifted his camera and grabbed the shot. It was perfect, and James barely had to move a muscle.

“Ah shit,” Sirius hissed, wiping his nose. “James! You fucker! Get in here and stop sneakin’ around.”

“Sorry,” James said with a shy wave and a grin. “All part of the job. Congrats on the big day, man.”

James shook his hand, and Sirius pulled him into a right squeeze of a hug. 

“He’s a fuckin’ god, and I don’t know why he picked me, but he did, and I’m forever grateful,” Sirius babbled. 

“I’m sure he feels the same,” James said. It was true. The entire time James was with Remus this morning, he’d been gushing about Sirius. 

“You’re good,” Sirius chuckled and pointed at him. “Alright, get a picture of Regulus and me. Come on, oh brother of mine.”

James snapped a few, grabbing a handful more of the groom’s details, and before he knew it, the grooms were ready. Remus hugged his parents tearfully, and Sirius was decorated in a corsage from Marlene. Everything was in place and ready. James stepped toward the dressing room to quickly change into his all-black ensemble and then rushed to his station for the ceremony by the time the rest of the guests arrived. 

Sure enough, it was a smaller wedding, but all those pre-wedding nerves James usually had were gone. He wasn’t nervous about the itinerary or where he should stand. Usually, he’d worry about whether anything would go wrong, but it hadn’t, and James was fine. He knew what to do, and even if he didn’t, that’s where all that troubleshooting experience came in handy. 

The wedding started, and James was clicking at about three photos a second throughout the entire thirty-minute ceremony. It was so easy and so damn beautiful that everything his lens saw was photo-worthy. Remus cried, but Sirius cried harder. James got that awesome shot of Sirius looking at his groom and wiping his eyes. A perfect shot. James got photos of friends and guests weeping and smiling at their happiness. It was wonderful and, honestly, pretty moving. Whatever James knew about Sirius and Remus, it was obvious everyone loved them. 

When there was a lull in the service, the moment the officiant was giving a small sermon about love, James ceased his shuttering and let the guests enjoy the words without his flashes or clicking. 

James’s eyes found Regulus then, and something inside him shifted. He was smiling, and there was something genuine and soft in his expression. His dark hair was curled perfectly around his face, just like his brother's. His eyes were dark but warm, and there was a smile on his lips that didn’t leave his face the whole time. He wore a classic tux, just like all the other groomsmen. He looked dashing. Long lines and a classically handsome silhouette. He was tall and lithe, and everything James had ever dreamed about in a man, but once he thought about it, James immediately put the thought aside. He blinked and looked away from Regulus.

Sirius and Remus exchanged vows, then rings, then it was the big moment. The kiss. James had instructed them to give a long kiss so he could get at least one good photo of it, glad when they gave each other the biggest, swoon-worthy kiss he’d ever seen. And James got the best picture of it. He beamed all the way through the family photos, wedding party photos, golden-hour couple photos, and into the reception. 

By the time he got his dinner, he was thoroughly stocked up on all the super important photos, and he could relax a bit. He switched out batteries and memory cards before stowing his camera in his little closet and settling in to eat. It was a small room set aside for wedding workers that hadn’t been given a seat at a designated table. Remus had given him a seat at the reception, but James snuck away from the music and laughter to give himself a moment of quiet before he had to dive back into the reception to get the toasts and dances. 

The door opened and closed with a click, and James looked up to see Regulus sneaking in, looking like he was hiding. 

“Regulus?”

“Oh shit,” he jumped, clearly thinking this room was empty. “Sorry, I didn’t know you were in here.”

“It’s no problem. I just wanted a moment to eat,” James explained, then chomped into the chicken. It was so good that James just about groaned. 

Regulus grinned. “Good, huh?”

“So good,” James said, stuffing his mouth. And then, quite ungracefully, James said, with a mouth full of food, “You wanna sit?”

Though it sounded more like, “Yo wanna sheth?”

Regulus smiled wider, the tips of James's cheeks pinking before his eyes. 

“Very much so,” he said, grabbing a chair and sitting at the small white, portable table. 

“Sorry, that was rude,” James said, swallowing and quickly wiping his mouth with a cloth napkin. 

“I don’t mind you talking with your mouth full,” he said, and for some reason, James thought he was flirting again. 

“Um,” James said. 

“Yes?” 

“I’m sorry about eavesdropping earlier. I didn’t mean to,” James admitted. His curiosity was piqued, though. James wasn’t sure he could keep his mouth shut. Might as well just ask.

Regulus nodded with a smirk and rested his chin on his palm. 

“And?”

“Oh, nothing, I’m just, well, letting you know I heard some of what Sirius said,” James said. God, was he going to make him ask?

“That’s okay,” he said, grinning like mad.

“Are you really going to make me say it?” James gave him a sideways glance.

“Absolutely.” Regulus’s eyes were positively gleeful. 

James squirmed. “I heard about your father?”

Regulus sighed, “Not what I’d thought you’d be curious about.”

“Well, that was just the start,” James murmured. 

Regulus’s eyes hooded, and James bit his cheek.

“Well, I suppose that is a start,” he said after a long sigh. “Sirius and I lost our dad to COVID last year, right after our mother had left us all for a much younger man, never to speak to us again.”

“Oh no,” James said, all humor vanishing from the room. “I’m so sorry.”

Regulus nodded strangely, like he was unsure if he was upset or not about it all. “It happens,” he said. “But that’s mostly why Sirius wanted to have this big wedding.”

“I see,” James said, only halfway understanding.

“Sirius was devastated. Losing our mother and father within a year put him into a deep depression. Sirius was angry; hell, I was angry. They were absolutely awful to us, and yet, we still had to mourn them… But, Remus was strong, and he popped the question to Sirius during the hell of it all,” Regulus said. 

James’s eyebrows shot up.

“He said he wanted to go through life with him and be his rock, and he wanted Sirius to be his. It was honestly the best moment I’d ever seen, James. I won’t lie. Don’t ever tell him, but I cried like a baby when Sirius said yes,” Regulus said with a threatening smile. “So, they decided to have this big party, and it was like we had our Sirius back again. It was like magic.”

James swallowed hard, past the thick emotion in his throat. 

“That’s so wonderful, Regulus,” James said, voice coated with a strange sense of longing. 

“Indeed,” he nodded. 

“And what about you?” James pried, knowing he probably shouldn’t. 

Regulus’s eyes flicked up to meet James’s beneath full lashes, and he smirked. “You’re asking me about my ex?”

James nodded. 

“Yes, well…He was my partner of four years before COVID,” Regulus explained. “We broke up shortly before my dad passed.”

James swallowed again, but this time for a different reason. Regulus’s partner was a man. Regulus was gay. 

“What about you?” Regulus asked. He knew what he was asking: if James was also gay, if James was also available. At least, that’s what he hoped he was asking. 

“I’m...” James hesitated. “I’m just waiting for the right man to sweep me off my feet, I guess.”

James smiled, nervous and shy. 

“I see,” Regulus said, but for some reason, James felt this wasn’t the answer he was looking for. But that just confused him even more. Weren’t they doing the flirting thing? Or was James really just reading way too far into it?

“I’m sorry, this is far too inappropriate,” James floundered. “I should get back.”

“No, I’m sorry, I...I haven’t really bounced back,” he admitted. “From my ex, I mean.”

“I understand. That sort of relationship is hard to sever,” James said, his heart throbbing uncomfortably.

“Do you? Do you understand?”

Regulus eyed him, and James felt like this was suddenly an interrogation.

“Not really, I suppose,” James chuckled nervously. “I’ve never been in a relationship. Or dated at all, for that matter.”

Regulus nodded, eyes cooled and almost calloused. 

James swallowed hard against the lump in his throat. 

“I shouldn’t have said anything,” Regulus said, releasing his gaze finally. 

“No, I apologize. This isn’t my place,” James said, feeling all sorts of confused. 

“No, wait...” he said, grabbing his hand as James stood to try and leave. James jolted at the sudden touch of skin, feeling hot and cold all over. “I think you’re great, James. From what I’ve seen of you, I think you’re wonderful. Handsome and clever and beautiful and passionate.”

James’s eyes went wide, and his mouth was suddenly so dry he wanted to cough.

“But, I’m not...I’m not relationship material, I suppose,” Regulus said. 

“What do you mean?” James sat back down. 

“The reason he and I broke off our relationship,” he started. “I’m not...normal. I’m ‘sick’ and ‘twisted’ according to him.”

“I’m not sure it’s fair to quote your ex when talking about yourself,” James admitted in a cheeky mumble. “I don’t think you’re any of those things.”

The words were easy to say once James had heard how Regulus felt about him. So, he continued. 

“I think you’re very handsome, like really really handsome, and you seem so loving and caring, especially for those in your life. You’re fun and look like you know yourself pretty well---“

“I’m a sadist,” Regulus said, cutting him off completely. 

James stared at him, confused at the collection of words Regulus had just said. He was cowering in on himself, like he was ashamed, his hand holding James’s like it was a lifeline. It was almost pitiful how he was holding himself, completely at odds with the words he’d just said.

“What does that mean?” James asked, quirking his head to the right. For the first time in the short time he’d known him, Regulus looked downright afraid. 

“A sadist, James. I like to tie people up and hit them,” Regulus said after a second, his eyes glancing at James’s, a passion burning in them that strangely didn't frighten James. It intrigued him. 

“I’ve heard of that,” James said with a blink. “I guess my knowledge only goes so far as 50 Shades of Grey, though. I saw the movie back in University with my roommate.”

Regulus’s eyebrows pinched, and he watched James with a scrutinizing glare. 

“Like I said,” James shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. “I haven’t been in any kind of relationship, so I’m not sure about all that.”

“My ex broke up with me because he thought it was abusive, what I was into,” Regulus said, watching him like his reaction was a test. 

“And, I don’t think you should think of yourself the way your ex does,” James said confidently, holding his palm and squeezing gently. 

“You’re not afraid of me?”

James shook his head. “Not in that sense, no. I do think you could out-drink me and out-run me any day, but I don’t think you’d hurt anyone against their will. That’s what all that’s about, right? Consent and everything?”

Regulus visibly relaxed. 

“Yes, James, yes. Thank you,” he said with a dramatic sigh. 

James smiled. He was definitely not sure what all of that meant, but for some reason, Regulus seemed to have been punishing himself for a long time over this. And James had somehow relieved him of his anguish.

What he didn’t expect, though, was how long he would stay awake that night, long after Remus and Sirius had left for their honeymoon, long after all the guests had left and everyone had retired to their rooms. James wasn’t expecting to be up until almost three in the morning, stuck down a Google hole, with his fist around the hardest erection he’d had in almost five years. 

Chapter Text

I wish I could have known that

Look in your eyes would echo in mine and go back

Out of my mind, across the line

When was the last time I felt like this?

Dark desire and tainted bliss

It's like you're Dangerous to me

*

Regulus

*

The ICU at St. Mungo’s was a wild place. The nurses were always on top of everything, the surgeons were dickbags who treated lives as games, and the doctors were all really fucking tired. It was chaos, and Regulus loved every second he walked the unit.

He yawned for the third time in ten minutes and checked his phone. Two messages from the kink group reminding everyone about the planned meetup that weekend. He had RSVP’d tentatively, still unsure about everything, but seeing James’s reaction to his confession had somehow relaxed him, relieved him of most of his worries. Still, Regulus was unsure. Anxious. He was vibrating with it, honestly.

Kink had been a huge part of his life before Edmund Avery, and to this day Regulus found himself wanting to practice with his flog, the black and green leather one that was currently collecting dust in his guest room closet—along with the rest of his collection. But during his long fellowship, he'd fallen in love with a vanilla man, someone who’d actually shamed him into believing BDSM was evil, corrupt—like Regulus needed to seek immediate therapy because he'd wanted to “spice things up.” Avery’s words. Not Regulus’s. He would have never boiled down his own sexual preferences to something so impersonal.

Regulus clicked his phone off and ignored the excited group messages, opting to do another round of checkups on the burn victims he was currently treating. The chaos bouncing around the ICU that evening cleared his head almost instantly. 

It wasn’t until almost three in the morning that Regulus saw he’d missed a text from an unknown number. 

Unknown 11:23PM

Hi Regulus, it's James Potter, the photographer from Sirius and Remus’s wedding. I was hoping you could help him with getting their wedding photo album book to Sirius. I’m sorry if this is inappropriate, but they aren’t answering their phones and I’d like to deliver the finished album. 

Regulus smiled remembering the pretty and polite photographer. It’d been three weeks since James had disappeared from the Vermont Inn without a word. Their last conversation was about his kink and then James had been swarmed by a furious Marlene McKinnon, worried that he was running late for the cake cutting photos. He rushed out without even saying goodbye. Though, even that was kinda cute. Regulus liked that he was so singularly focused. 

Regulus swiped along the screen, typing out a response as quickly as he could. 

Regulus 3:02AM

Hello James, sorry it's late. Just got off a shift. Sure we can meet. Sirius’s still in Cancun til the end of June, so you can leave their stuff with me. 

The reply was immediate. 

James 3:03AM

Thank you so much! What time works for you?

Regulus 3:03AM

Why the hell are you awake

James 3:04AM

I’m a night owl 

Regulus grinned like mad as he shed his coat and changed in the locker room, mask still affixed, like it always was when he was at the hospital. His text included one of those little shrugging emojis, and Regulus felt his insides do strange things. Even his texts were cute. Regulus could see his dusty green-gold eyes sparkling alongside that full lipped dashing smile. 

Regulus 3:05AM 

I’m off tomorrow?

James 3:06 AM

Okay! I’ll assume you’ll want to sleep in, so meet me for coffee around 4?

Regulus 3:07 AM

Sounds wonderful. Starbucks off Hudson and 15th?

James 3:08 AM

Perfect. See you there!

Regulus drove home with renewed vigor. Tomorrow was already shaping up to be a pretty good day. 

When he arrived at the coffee shop the next day, he double-checked his mask, smoothed his black button-down, and looked at his watch. He was thirty minutes early and wasn’t really a huge fan of coffee, so he plopped down on a stool that looked out onto the street. He started scrolling on whatever app his thumb landed on but didn’t really see anything. He was too busy watching every customer that walked through the door. 

Regulus wasn’t really sure why he was so excited to see this guy again. James was clearly vanilla, just like Avery had been. He probably shouldn’t have even humored his message. James was a professional. He could have waited for Sirius to get back and give him his photos then. But, for some reason, James had messaged Regulus . When he probably really didn’t need to. He could have messaged Marlene or Peter or the other wedding vendors, but no. Hell, how did James even get Regulus’s number to begin with?

Regulus smiled, the muscles in his face stiff and not used to the expression. James had messaged him. Which Regulus’s tired brain interpreted as some sort of opening. 

Regardless, the guy was vanilla as far as Regulus could tell—and he was usually very good at picking up on that sort of thing—going down any sort of road with him would be the exact same sad story as Avery. Vanilla sex wasn’t enough for Regulus. Not since med school, when he'd finally found the words to explain the things he'd been feeling. 

In the middle of anxiously pulling on a loose fingernail, Regulus’s eyes found James the minute he walked in. He was casual, in jeans and Converse and a loose-fitting band t-shirt, though Regulus didn’t recognize the band. Strong arms and thick calves moved in sync as he walked over. His hair was windswept and frizzy, his eyes darting around the room like a scared cat, with probably a pink, nervous-bitten bottom lip under his black mask. Though James didn’t seem the type to be shy, not really, he was awfully nervous and bashful the few times they’d spoken. A smile snuck up on Regulus’s lips almost instantly. He wanted to kick himself.  He really shouldn’t be here. Because his brain was doing backflips thinking about all the ways he could make that bashful boy come. 

He should walk out and never see James again. 

“James!” Regulus called out, instead. 

His eyes locked on Regulus’s, and he brightened visibly. He carted around a large tote bag, likely with all of Sirius’s goods. Regulus stood and reached out his hand. James’s eyes were crinkly and pretty, and he didn’t look away from Regulus when he shook his hand. 

“Glad to see you again,” he said, cordially. 

“Yeah, you too. How’s it going?” Regulus asked.

“Really well! Thank you so much for meeting me! I have so many wonderful photos, but Sirius asked me to leave it with you if I finished before they got back,” he explained. “Something about him leaving for a big trial afterward? And Remus has to be on set somewhere?”

“Oh right, the Gideon trial,” Regulus said, briefly recalling Sirius mentioned a big case he had in July. “I'd forgotten about that. I guess that means I’m your man.”

“Yes, I really appreciate your help,” James said, and Regulus all but deflated. So there wasn’t anything else he was messaging him for. He was just doing his job. Regulus wanted to crumble in defeat. Why he had expected anything else was beyond him. He didn’t usually look forward to things.

“It’s alright. I hoped to see you again,” Regulus said, despite his brain screaming ‘abort’ in his head.

“Me too,” he said, a smile obviously touching his lips despite the mask. 

“Really? I was sorta hoping this wasn’t just a work call,” he admitted, wondering where this brazen streak was coming from. 

“Oh,” he said, brown-green eyes widening. “Well, uh, yes. I’m, um, yeah. I’m glad you came.”

 Regulus chuckled. The guy really had a way with words. 

“Well, let’s see the goods,” Regulus said, hoping to keep the conversation going. 

What Regulus didn’t expect was the absolute whirlwind of chaos that erupted from that bag of his. He pulled out a beautiful scrapbook-like album of photos, with a package of dried flowers, stamps, cards, and even more prints of photos. Regulus was sort of beside himself. He'd never even thought about what all went into wedding memories. He certainly didn’t expect all this. 

“These are my favorites,” James started, sifting quickly through a handful of photos. “Look, this one’s you. You look very handsome.”

He showed him a picture, and Regulus took it carefully between his fingertips. He was fully decked out in his dapper tux, slicked-back hair, and wearing an...unrecognizable expression. It was kind of weird seeing himself like this. In the photo, Regulus was watching as Sirius walked down the aisle toward his betrothed, and he looked so...emotional. For lack of a better word, Regulus looked like an emotional wreck. Tears were welling in his eyes and his smile was so wide, wider than he'd ever seen himself smile. And James had captured it so well. How strange.

“Wow,” Regulus said. “This—these are wonderful.”

Regulus set down the picture and looked at the rest. James was still babbling about this and that and Regulus smiled, noticing how wonderful it felt to talk to him. Like somehow he’d seen him, down to his very core, and captured it all with that camera. It was just a tool though. He’d seen it all, with his own two eyes. He saw everything and just used the camera to stop time. 

“Magical,” Regulus whispered. 

“Sorry, what?” James asked, breaking out of a babbling trance. 

 Regulus cleared his throat and said, “These are really magical, James. Thank you for all of this.”

“I’m sorry, this must be so boring for you. They aren’t even your photos,” he said, that shy streak coming back and taking over. 

“No, no, I really don’t mind. It’s nice hearing you talk about something you’re so passionate about,” Regulus said. Wow, he really was just laying it all out there for James, huh?

“Well, thank you for indulging me. I’ll just pack all this away for you,” he said, eyes crinkling from behind his mask again. 

“I’m sorry, did you want a coffee or something? I’ll buy,” Regulus offered, quickly grasping for a reason to stay a little longer. 

“Uh, sure, that would be, um, very nice,” he said, ears pinking from behind sandy-brown hair. Maybe James didn’t want to leave quite yet either.

Regulus ordered, waited, and grabbed their drinks, opting to get himself a chai latte. Whatever it was about this guy, Regulus didn’t want to end the conversation. Even that was odd, because Regulus was like a wet blanket when he tried to socialize at times.

“Here you are,” Regulus said, giving him his black coffee. 

“Thanks so much. You know, you’re a lot different than I first thought,” James said, swallowing the drink without even a second glance at the temperature. 

Regulus grinned. “Which time? When I just about knocked you out and broke your camera gear? Or when I obviously scarred you by talking about my preferences?”

His eyes went comically wide again, and he sucked in a breath before continuing. “I suppose both? You’re just a lot more...I’m not sure. Genuine? Than I thought?”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Regulus laughed and sipped his drink. Still too hot.

“Um, on that note,” James said.

Regulus braced himself. James was going to tell him off. Now that he’d thought it over, he was going to tell him Regulus was going to hell or that he should be in jail or something. Horrible words like “abuse” and “sick” ran through his mind.

“Can you...explain more? About your, um, preferences, that is?”

 Regulus blinked. 

“What are you asking me?” Regulus asked, trying to make sense of his words. Was he not about to tell him off?

James huffed, and shifted in his seat, obviously uncomfortable. But he continued on, and said, “I, uh, did a lot of googling. After the wedding.”

Regulus cocked an eyebrow and waited. 

“Well, I was just wondering if you could tell me a little bit more about it?” he whispered, hiding his face with his hand. The mask hid his lips, but Regulus could tell he was blushing fiercely and most likely scowling. The tips of his ears were pinked underneath curling, wild hair.

“You...want to know more?” Regulus murmured, baffled.

“Yes, please.”

Regulus’s lips curled into a smile. Now, this was unexpected. 

“Sure I guess? Though, I should probably ask what you already know. You said you were ‘googling’?” 

He shifted in his seat again, and Regulus’s brain started firing off in strange ways. James squirming...

“Well, I supposed I sort of ended up down the rabbit trail,” he laughed nervously. “I started at ...bondage and ended up somewhere where this person was being sealed into a vacuum bed.”

“Oh wow,” Regulus said, shocked at the words coming out of the kid’s mouth. “That’s pretty damn deep. So, um, what exactly are you wondering about then?”

“I...I’m not sure,” he admitted, scratching the backside of his neck. 

“Are you…interested in this?” Meaning kink in general, Regulus hoped he understood.

His eyes locked onto Regulus’s, and they were burning. He was almost knocked aside with the force of James’s gaze. He nodded, not breaking their connection as he confirmed. 

“Well,” Regulus coughed, shaking his head in disbelief. Wasn’t he just preparing to say goodbye to this beautiful man for good? “I suppose it's different for everyone. A lot of people do an online test, one that asks about your tastes—“

“The BDSM test? The green and red one?”

“Yes,” Regulus smiled and nodded. 

“I did that one,” he said, pulling out his phone. “These are my results.”

“You don’t have to show me—“

“I want to,” he interrupted and practically shoved the phone into his hand. Regulus was starting to think this guy was a little more than desperate. A potential red flag, but he pushed that aside and looked at his phone screen. 

Sure enough, the familiar black background, the green and red scales, labeling a bunch of different kinks, fetishes, and styles pertaining to BDSM showed on the screen. Regulus blinked and read it a handful of times. Re-reading like the words were made-up.

“Is this really true?” Regulus asked, with a deeply suspicious gaze.

James nodded a second time. 

Regulus looked and read it again: 

100% Submissive.
100% Rope Bunny.
98% Experimentalist.
96% Voyeur.
92% Exhibitionist.
86% Degradee.
81% Pet.
74% Masochist.
55% Non-monogamous.
50% Vanilla.
42% Prey, and so on. 

Regulus stared at the screen until it was all wobbly lines and smudges. 

Submissive. Rope Bunny. Experimentalist. 

Regulus looked up at James and practically dropped his jaw. Not only was this guy probably the cutest guy he'd met in ages, he was exactly his type sexually. He’d all but proved their compatibility with just a handful of words on a screen. But, the fact that he’d searched it out himself, he’d done a little research to answer the test’s questions accurately, and he was unafraid to ask questions...well that all painted a really big, beautiful painting to Regulus. 

“James, why are you asking me this? Why are you showing me this? Surely, in a city of millions, there’s probably a bunch of people you could have met up with,” Regulus said all this, knowing in the back of his head exactly what his answer would be.

“Well, I’m not sure. I suppose I’ve kind of...pictured you in all the scenarios that I read online and I...”

“Yeah?” Regulus mused.

He squirmed and batted his eyes away. So fucking cute. 

“Well, I just kinda wanted to know if you would want to...ya know,” he was practically whispering. 

“Go on. Use your words, Jamie,” Regulus said, specifically using the nickname and just a hint of teasing. He was pleased when James huffed like a brat and his cheeks flamed red-hot. Then, he finally looked back up at Regulus, hazel irises through thick lashes. 

“Would you teach me? Try it out with me?”

God, those eyes. James was practically begging with those eyes. 

“What did you have in mind?” Regulus asked, leaning on his arm, smiling with hooded eyes. Regulus knew he was encroaching into his space, but the way James was squirming told him he wasn’t too worried about it. Just something about the way he was covering himself with his tote bag and holding onto his coffee with trembling hands had Regulus diving into several imaginary scenarios. 

“I’m not sure, that’s sort of what I wanted to ask you,” he admitted. 

But then, Regulus sighed. He honestly wanted to take him home and have his way with him right then and there. But the truth was, he was woefully out of practice, and all his gear was still packed away. 

“Look, I haven’t played with anyone in almost six years. And I’m honestly, really busy at the hospital half the time. I’m not trying to brush you off. I’m just not sure I’m your man,” Regulus admitted with disdain clear in his voice. He really wished he could have been available for James.

James nodded and looked away, and holy shit Regulus was such a sucker for that puppy-dog expression. This guy had him wrapped around his finger and they hadn’t even done anything yet. 

Regulus’s brain was churning for ways they could make it work when something occurred to me. 

“Wait,” Regulus paused and James froze, like he’d been waiting for him to remember. “Are you a virgin, James?”

He sighed, deflating like he’d been singlehandedly defeated. “Yes.”

“Is that what this is about? You just wanna get laid?” Regulus squinted his eyes, examining his face. 

“No! No, of course not,” he was quick to reply, fear and anxiety clear in his eyes. “I’m not trying to use you or anything.”

“Because if you read anything properly, you’d know that penetration doesn’t have to be a part of a scene. Or any sexual activity for that matter,” Regulus added, remembering a lot of his favorite scenes were simply bondage plus flogging, and that was all. 

“No, of course. I know all that. I promise this isn’t just some excuse for a one-night stand or even an attempt at a relationship or anything like that. I’m sorry. You know what, this is probably too inappropriate. I shouldn’t have brought it up,” he said, suddenly scrambling to get out of there. 

Regulus found himself grabbing James’s wrist again, just like he had in that small closet, hidden away at Sirius’s wedding. James froze, eyes wide at the contact. Regulus heard his breath catch in his throat. 

“Calm down, James. I believe you,” Regulus said, reassuring him with small strokes of a thumb against his wrist. “Not that I wouldn’t take you home with me anyway. I just don’t like to mess around when it comes to this. Call it self-preservation. I’m just trying to understand where you’re coming from.”

James slowly sank back into his chair, his eyes wide and glassy. 

“I...I’m not experienced, and I barely even know my own sexuality. I’ve liked guys before, but none of them held anything more than a passing attraction. I’m a thirty-year-old virgin, so yeah, that really sucks. And, I’ve had plenty of chances to get on Tinder or Grindr or one of those other apps. I just...didn’t want to.”

Regulus nodded, still circling his wrist with his fingertips for some reason. 

“Its just that this ,” he continued, gesturing to his phone. “This made me feel something. More than just a passing fancy. I literally can’t stop thinking about it. It’s like I’ve been waiting for this, but I didn’t even know about it.”

“I thought you had already heard of it before?” Regulus said, brows furrowed.

James huffed and reminded Regulus of a frustrated teenager, trying to explain something without the right vocabulary. 

“I suppose I had...but not like this. I didn’t even believe people did this stuff. Like, I figured it was just in the movies or raunchy books. Or maybe…It’s like I pushed it away, scared that it would make me even more different than I already am. Nobody wants me to begin with. If I suddenly have all these weird kinks and fetishes, then no one would want me.”

James slumped, shoulders caving in, while Regulus bit his tongue from lashing out at the word “weird.” James should know that everyone was fucking weird. But that wasn’t what struck him. It wasn’t just that this guy was desperate to get laid. He was insecure. Maybe even a little sad. He was truly lonely, and that was something that Regulus had known, something that he'd owned for more than the time he'd been apart from Avery. Truth be told, Regulus was lonely since the day Avery told him that he was weird for needing what he needed. And that sucked. 

“You’re not weird,” Regulus said, finally. “And you’re certainly not alone, James. There’s a lot of us out there.”

He just shrugged, eyes studying the floor.

“Look,” Regulus said, released his hand, and pulled out his own phone. “See here? This is a kink group I found right here in the city. There are more than two hundred members. And they’re into all sorts of things.”

James’s eyes watched as Regulus scrolled past post after post. One was about a playdate between Daddies and Littles. Then another one about bondage and rope technique. A cute sub had posted a picture of a star harness they’d done with nylon rope. Then there was one about different flogs and whether it was better to use a long-tailed flog versus a riding crop. Regulus’s own comment was top of the list, and he didn’t flinch when James used his thumb to stabilize the scroll so he could read what Regulus had written.

“They’re doing a meetup this weekend and I was going to go,” Regulus offered after a few seconds. James was still reading and his hair was really close. Regulus briefly wished he didn’t have to wear a mask so that he could smell James’s shampoo, wondering what scent he used. 

“Here? Like nearby?” James asked finally. 

“Yeah, it's at a club in upper Manhattan.”

His eyes met Regulus’s, and for a brief moment, Regulus waited for him to run away. Maybe he’d seen enough. The group’s photos alone could turn away someone who wasn’t interested. But, his eyes shone even brighter than before like his insecurity was melting away by the minute. God, Regulus was in trouble if they ever actually played. 

“Can I come with you?” he whispered. 

Regulus smiled and nodded. “Sure, James. We can go together. And hey, that’s better for me. This way I’ll at least know one person there.”

James’s eyes crinkled at the edges, and Regulus felt his heart swell, an almost unfamiliar sensation. It was uncomfortable. 

*

James

*

To say that James was nervous about the meetup would be a colossal understatement. He was borderline nauseous as he walked to the subway. He wasn’t sure what to expect, nor did he know what to wear. He'd asked Lily if she’d ever been to something like this, and, well, that conversation was basically pointless. 

For starters, Lily was incredibly suspicious, confused as to how James had signed up for something so “intense” when he wasn’t in a relationship, nor did he have any experience with sex for starters. To Lily, BDSM was way down the sexual experiences list. Not at the very beginning. 

James didn’t really know what to say to that. Sure, it was probably something a lot of couples did when their regular sex was getting stagnant or something really fun to do every once and a while. He didn’t suppose a lot of people actually participated actively in group activities. Not unless they were really invested in the lifestyle. 

He thought about what Regulus had said—that he hadn’t played in a long time, or that his ex had disapproved of his preferences. James scowled. Unless he was gravely mistaken, James couldn’t see how someone should ever judge someone else’s fantasies, especially if that person was your partner. If James had been Regulus’s boyfriend—

James stopped and shook his head violently. He shouldn’t be thinking about that. Those thoughts should be locked away, never to be spoken of. Regulus was already skeptical of James. He had been the whole time they’d talked back at the cafe. He could tell. He thought James was just asking so that he could finally graduate from virgin status. But it really wasn’t like that. Sure, James wanted to have sex a long time ago, but for some reason he just didn’t care. It was fine enough to play around, and the one time James gave a guy a blowjob, back at university—well, it was just fine. The guy was nice and kissed him and held him the way James liked, but the whole oral thing was only okay. Maybe it was the fact that the guy came in James’s mouth without warning when he had literally no idea what to expect. He hadn’t been prepared in the slightest. Or maybe it was the fact that the guy ditched James as soon as he was finished…

Then, there was the brief period where Lily was figuring out her sexuality and wanted to play a bit with him too. That was perfunctory at best, an offering of his deepest feelings of friendship for his platonic soulmate. They hadn’t progressed to any sort of penetrative sex before Lily had called it off and said she “just wasn’t into men.” Afterward, he’d held her and they’d laughed and joked that someday, when she was married to another beautiful woman, when they wanted to have a kid, James would be there to help out. They’d laughed for ages about baby names, decidedly picking Harry for the name of their hypothetical child. 

James loved Lily so, so much. But, even then, when she was bare before him, pearly skin all pretty and freckled, James didn’t really feel any sort of pull toward her, or women in general either. All of her parts that made up her as a whole were so lovely, but at the time, he wondered if that just meant he wasn’t a sexual person. Maybe he just needed to find the right person. He didn’t know…he didn’t have the experience.

James took a deep breath as he stepped onto the train, ridding his mind of those old memories. He hoped the outfit that Lily had picked out for him was appropriate. Ripped black jeans, a dark shirt, and a little techwear harness over his chest, one he’d gotten for a comic con they went to a couple of years back. James felt like he looked cool, all dark and mysterious, with his curly-wispy hair thing he had going on, and the harness wrapped around his pecs making him look stronger than he felt. But, he was still nervous. James ran his hands through his hair nervously, tousling and flattening it at random. He hadn’t done his hair in ages, content to let the long-ish locks do whatever they wanted. But, he’d done it today, unsure of if he actually liked it or not. Honestly, he was just glad it wasn’t frizzing with static like it did in winter. 

When James hopped back out onto the street, warm, humid air clinging to him immediately, he saw Regulus standing at the corner of 114th, just like he said. Regulus hadn’t seen him yet, busy with something on his phone, so James studied him for a second, giving himself a few minutes to really chicken out if he was going to—better to do it before Regulus saw him. 

His dark hair was combed back on one side, just like it’d been at Sirius’s wedding. He had a rough shadow beneath his eyes, but his skin was clear and bright, almost like his excitement was shining through his face. James smiled. He was wearing a regular outfit, much like he had to the coffee house. Dark colors, clean lines, really handsome. His shirt was tight, with two buttons undone at the top, and covered his arms, though leaving little to the imagination. Similarly, his slacks, they were slim fitted and rounded the muscles of his thighs and ass wonderfully. James blew out a breath knowing that if he'd met this man ten years ago, right when he'd been figuring out he was likely bisexual, James would have fallen to his knees on sight. 

“Regulus,” James finally called out. No going back now. 

“James, good to see you,” he said and smiled. Wow. Seeing him smile still shook him. It was a rare sight. During the wedding weekend, Regulus had a pleasant, if a bit bored, expression fixed to his face. But when he smiled, James’ insides did flips. It wasn’t like Sirius’s smile, one that he'd memorized now from the countless photos. No, Regulus’s smile was...wild. Like he was holding back the eccentric and potentially dangerous animal that lingered right under the surface. It was dark and sensual and crooked and pretty, all at the same time. 

“I was actually wondering if you were going to come at all,” Regulus said, waving his phone. 

“Oh,” James said. He must’ve been waiting for his mission-abort text. “No, I’m sorry I was late. The A line was held up for a few minutes,” James explained.

“Not a problem,” he said, eyes crinkling as he chuckled. 

“What’s so funny?” 

“Nothing, nothing. Let’s go,” Regulus said, rounding him, and placing a firm, warm hand at the small of his back. 

James wondered if he should hate that Regulus was leading him like a lost kid, but instead, he shivered at the light touch and wanted to lean into his side instead. For all of James’s heft, Regulus was taller than him, but probably still weighed less given his lanky limbs and thin waist. He looked like a goddamn model. Every glance over to him was like a gutpunch.

“Are you nervous?” Regulus asked.

“Yes, very much so,” James said, tugging on his shirt, feeling self conscious. “I feel like I look like a teenager going through an emo phase.”

“You look wonderful,” Regulus said with a laugh. 

“See? You’re laughing at me,” James said, but smiled anyway. 

“Not at all, James. I think it's really really nice that you thought about what you were going to wear. Makes me imagine you fretting over the whole thing in such a nice way,” Regulus admitted, silvery eyes shining. 

“You like thinking of me struggling?” James quipped. 

“Oh absolutely,” he said, a dark glint in his eyes. James swallowed, not understanding the foreboding sensation rolling over his skin. “Really though, the harness is a nice touch. Not a lot of people wear play gear at munches or meetups, but I personally like it.”

“You do?” James said, tugging on it. “Its a lot more comfortable than I thought.”

Regulus laughed outright and pressed a thumb into the muscles of James’s hip.

James nervously started to babble, "It's more that I’m nervous, really, because you look so handsome, but you’re just wearing regular clothes, and I just think I over-thought the whole thing, and this is just something I wore to a comic convention once, and I hope you don’t think I’m some dumb kid for it…I don’t know.”

“You want to know what I’m thinking?” 

“Yes,” James said, looking up at him. Regulus’s eyes were hooded and his mouth was set in a dark smirk. 

“I’m thinking of all the ways I could tie you up using this harness you’re wearing right now,” Regulus said, using his free hand to pull on the O-ring in the center of his chest. His voice was raspy and shooting sensations down James’s spine, pooling like honey in between his hips.

James let out a loose breath and felt a wave of heat cling to his already sweaty skin. 

Regulus must have seen something in James’s face because he leaned back and took deep breaths through his smiling lips. 

“Come on, James. It’s just up ahead. Back out now if you want to,” he said, giving him an out.

“No thanks,” James whispered. Regulus chuckled warmly, and his arms brushed against James’s. 

They arrived and walked up to the club on the second floor of a bar. It was dark and had loud music blaring from inside. The bouncer checked their IDs and gave them a stamp before letting them in. To James’ surprise, everything looked rather normal. There were only a handful of people that stuck out, but nothing out of the ordinary really. Not for New York. There weren’t any handcuffs or whips on the wall like he'd somehow expected. What James was expecting was a latex-black sex dungeon, and what he got was a regular looking bar with a dance floor. 

A bright, smiling woman came bouncing up to them and James fought the urge to hide behind his willowy companion. 

“Are you here for the rope demonstration?” she asked, pulling out a little clipboard from her black apron.

“Yes. I’m Regulus Black, and this is James Potter.“

“Okay, wonderful! Are you both wanting a membership or just doing a one-time thing?” she asked. 

“I would like a membership, but James is brand new, so he’s just here to watch for now.” 

James blew out a silent breath and thanked his lucky stars that Regulus had spoken for him. He hated being put on the spot like that. Somehow it always led him to joining clubs and membership for things he wasn’t even interested in. Call him a pushover, honestly, it was just nice to have someone in control.

“Okay great! You can fill this out and I’ll go get you guys a name tag. Would you like me to put your roles down?” she asked, and James started floundering in his head again. 

“Yes, please. I’m a Dom and you can put James down as my Sub,” Regulus said and for some reason his words pleased James deeply. Never would he have thought of himself as subservient, but there they were. 

She bounded back to another table and Regulus eyed him. 

“Sorry, should I not have said that?” he asked. James realized then that his jaw was slightly agape. He snapped it shut instantly.

“No! No, that was fine. Thank you for taking care of all that. I’m not sure I would’ve known what to say,” James rushed to say. 

Regulus smiled and relaxed. “Not a problem. I know I assumed some things, but I’m feeling a little possessive at the moment.”

“Possessive?” James quirked his head. Then his eyes widened. “Of me?!” 

“Yes, James, of you. You don’t see yourself clearly it seems, and apparently I’m not the only one with eyes on you tonight,” he said, gaze dark and trained on him. 

“What?!” James was astonished and his cheeks flamed. “Who...?”

He looked around and finally saw the faces of the other people in the establishment. There were plenty of people who were staring at them. Some people looked like they were just trying to see if they recognized them, curious about the newcomers. But, there were others with obvious heat in their eyes. James suddenly felt like a mouse amongst owls.

“Um,” James said, tugging on Regulus’s sleeve when he seemed to be in a staring match with a large and aggressive-looking man. “Are they all doms?” He whispered the word, still uncomfortable with all this, he guessed. 

“Yes, and they see you, a completely obvious submissive, and their gears just start clicking,” he said. Then he looked down at him, probably realizing how intense that all sounded. “I’m sorry. Do you want to leave? I shouldn’t have brought you here.” 

He brushed his arm lightly with his fingertips, and James shivered, but then suddenly the girl was back with their nametags asking them questions again, and James was overwhelmed. 

“Um,” James breathed. 

“My name is Pandora,” she said, lowering her head to meet James’s dropped gaze. “I promise they won’t bite.”

James blinked and tried to make sense of her words. It took him a second to come back to himself. 

“I’m a sub too,” she said and pointed to her name tag. It read “Pandora: Sybill’s Sub.”

“Is Sybill your domme?” James asked in a very small voice.

She nodded and smiled. “She’s the pretty curly-haired blonde behind the bar. I know you don’t know me, but I promise this is a safe place. No alcohol or drugs are allowed in the club, and we have a dedicated security staff. Anyone is welcome. It's not an open play zone or for anything 18 or over. It’s just a place to meet people and learn more about the lifestyle. Okay?”

James breathed out and nodded. “Okay. Thank you, Pandora.”

He grabbed his nametag from her and it read “James: Regulus’s Sub” and something warm curled in his stomach. When James looked back up, Regulus’s face was soft and open. He lit up inside, thinking about how this must make Regulus feel. James knew he didn’t want to leave, but Regulus had offered anyway, anything to make him comfortable. That made James feel so much more safe above everything else. And, looking at him now, it was so obvious he was happy to be here and happy to have someone with him. Like a cat eating out of a hand, James really didn’t want to scare this pretty man away. 

“Lead the way, sir,” James said, the word slipping off his tongue. He wasn’t really even sure where that’d come from, though probably the countless videos he'd watched in the last two weeks were the reason. Nonetheless, his cheeks flushed with heat, and Regulus’s eyes widened for only a second before that dark glint was back. 

“You’re dangerous,” Regulus murmured, just barely audible. 

James ducked his head, trying to hide his beet-red face, and let Regulus lead them to a table with a press of his long fingers against the small of his back. The blonde woman named Sybill came up and asked if they wanted anything to drink, offering us a handful of virgin cocktails and sodas. Regulus simply asked for two Cokes. 

“You okay?” He asked, putting a long arm over the back of James’s chair. 

“Yes, I’m fine,” James said, and it was true. He just suddenly had a deeper respect for women who found themselves in a bar full of thirsty men. “Pandora said something about a demonstration?”

“Yes, that’s the event for today. There’s a rigger that’s really well known that does a traveling show and a class that demonstrates different suspension tactics.”

“Oh, I see,” James said. “I guess I thought there’d be a lot more...”

“More?”

“I’m not sure,” James said with a smile and fidgeted in his seat. “I didn’t think too hard about it.”

“You were nervous,” he said. James nodded. “Well, if you want to leave at any point, just say the word and we can go.”

“I don’t want to take you away from your class,” James countered.

“It’s not as important as you, James. I can always come back another time,” Regulus simply, like that was all that was needed on the matter. James wondered if he’d made up that sharp, cynical version of Regulus he’d seen when they’d first met. This man was so wonderful to him.

“Thank you, Regulus. You make this a lot more comfortable,” James admitted. 

“That’s my goal,” he said and brushed his hand across James’s back, rubbing a slow circle before leaning back again. It was such a small touch, but James felt it send little shocks over his entire body. 

"Hi there,” someone came up to us, a tall guy with a name tag that read “Edgar: Fabian’s Daddy.” “You two must be new. I’m Edgar.”

“Regulus,” Regulus said and extended a hand, stealing the guy’s attention away from him very subtly. “This is James.”

“Wonderful to meet you, little one,” he said, and James’s mind purred at the pet name, surprising even himself. Shouldn’t he have been put off by that? He was bigger than him by a mile.

“Hello,” James said, unsure of the hierarchy. Was James supposed to call all doms “sir”?

“So, where are you two from? Just now joining the lifestyle?” Edgar asked. James didn’t say anything, hoping Regulus would take it from there. James just stared, almost wide-eyed at the guy. He had beautiful hair and was tall with a long face and little freckles dotting his nose like he’d recently spent a lot of time in the sun. He was charming in his own right as he chatted with Regulus, and as James watched the two of them, he could see why Regulus was excited. He obviously longed for friendship between people who truly understood him. 

“So, this is James’s first time. He expressed interest in ropes last time we talked, so here we are,” Regulus explained after the story of his brief experience of kink in college. 

“Awesome. You’ll have to meet Fabian, but he’s in the back with the other littles,” Edgar said. “He’s not as into the rope work as he is just getting tangled in it. I think Amelia and Caradoc must be around here somewhere too.”

Regulus laughed, leaving James confused, but he didn’t say anything. 

“How long have you two been together?” Edgar asked, and James froze. He didn’t want this guy to know that they were barely acquaintances. For some reason, James felt the extreme urge to mark Regulus as “mine”, but James didn’t think that he could. Or should.

However, Regulus’s hand strengthened around his shoulders and pulled him tighter against him. James shivered and looked up at Regulus, who gave him a soothing smile. There wasn’t even a hint of darkness in Regulus’s eyes as he stared back. 

“Haven’t technically played yet,” Regulus admitted. “James just learned he might have the capacity for kink in his life, so we’re taking it slow.”

It wasn’t a confession. It wasn’t even an admission of feelings. But his words were warm and genuine and the fact that he’d said ‘we’ made James’s stomach flutter. His cheeks flamed. 

“Brilliant,” Edgar said. “You’ll love it. There’s nothing like the life.”

“Agreed,” Regulus nodded. 

James had a million questions, but as soon as they started forming into coherent sentences in his head, the lights on the dance floor rose and the show music started. Edgar nodded his head, then headed back to wherever his seat was. 

“Too much?” Regulus asked with a sheepish expression. 

“Not at all,” James said and smiled up at him. 

“What’s up, everyone? Long time no see! I’m Evan Rosier and this is Rosekiller’s Ropes!”

Music swirled around them, and everyone started clapping. There was a little light show that went alongside the music, but it was brief. Evan gestured to another man, dressed in a tight black bodysuit that covered him almost entirely. There was a little dip where the zipper peeled away from his neck, hinting at hidden tattoos and lithe muscles. Again, James was taken aback. He'd thought it would be a lot more risqué, but it wasn’t. 

“This is my best friend Barty, and he’s going to be helping me with the demonstrations today. Let’s give Barty a hand!” 

Another round of applause. Then, Evan started. Without any explanation or pause, he started working white rope over Barty’s body, a stark contrast between the rope and bodysuit. It was easier to see the knots that way. 

He started at his arms, binding his forearms to his biceps, bent at the elbow so that his hands rested near his neck. James was captivated. What was he going to do? How was he going to immobilize him? What was that expression on Barty’s face? How did Evan know what to do? Thousands of thoughts and questions filtered through his head as Evan worked. A stagehand brought out a table with what looked like a latex-covered cushion on top. He laid Barty down on his stomach, having to really help since his arms were unable to move now. 

A loud smack resounded, and James jumped in his seat, realizing that he'd just watched Evan spank the meat of Barty’s ass cheek. He smiled a bratty grin at Evan but muttered a simple “Thank you.” James shivered. But, then Barty raised his ass and bent his knees so that Evan could wrap cords of nylon around his legs, pinning his ankles to his thighs. There were three points of contact where the bottom part of his legs met his thighs, and James’s own legs burned thinking of the stretch that position probably provided. He could do a split, easy, but that kind of bend to the knee? James wasn’t sure he was flexible like that. When the rope was secured, Evan rounded the table and presented his work, eliciting applause from the audience. 

James jumped back with a little gasp when Regulus clapped for the man. He hadn’t realized he'd been slowly sitting forward, anxious and on the edge of his seat. When he sat firmly back, he found Regulus’s heated eyes searching his face. James was on fire. He pressed his cool fingertips to the apples of his cheeks. He was radiating heat like Evan had tied him up instead of Barty. When James relaxed against the back of the chair, he squirmed in his seat, not realizing that he'd been sporting a semi in his jeans.  James prayed Regulus hadn’t noticed when he reached to adjust himself. But when James looked back at him, his eyes were clearly looking him over. Shit. 

“That’s the modified hogtie from my YouTube series ‘Best of Bondage.’ Please check it out if you want to see more! For my next trick, Barty and I are going to do some suspension!”

Evan said the words with flair, his hair gleaming in the stage lights. James tried to focus back on the show, swallowing against his very dry throat. He gingerly sipped on his coke, thankful for the cool sweetness. Evan quickly removed the first set of rope from Barty’s body, not bothering to untangle the strands before handing them off to another stagehand. He and Barty stepped out of the spotlight for a moment while workers set up a suspension set, including an O-ring that was hanging from a beam on the ceiling. James looked at it with bright curiosity. 

When he flicked his eyes back to Evan and Barty, he could see Evan rubbing circles on Barty’s arms and legs, and James stared curiously. Was he hurt? Had the rope burned or pulled too tight against him? No, that couldn’t be right. Everything he'd read about bondage so far made it clear that the rope shouldn’t be too tight, always a few fingers' worth of wiggle room. So, why was he comforting him like that?

Oh. It was like a little bit of aftercare. James shivered, a visceral feeling of phantom hands against his shoulders and thighs. If Regulus tied him up, would he touch him like that afterward too? 

“You okay?” Regulus asked, his voice husky and thick. 

“I’m great,” James replied, clearing his throat a couple of times. “This is very interesting.”

“Mmm. Interesting indeed,” he murmured. 

Evan moved back into the spotlight and the chatter that had started up quieted, leaving room for the music and the tension between the audience and the display. James briefly wondered how many in the room were salivating, wanting exactly what Evan was giving? How many here wanted to be in Barty’s place? How many wanted to be Evan? 

James didn’t have to look at Regulus to know what he wanted. He was radiating as much heat as James was. 

There was so much movement on the stage that he wasn’t really sure what was going on. Evan had looped the rope through the O-ring and was working in two different sets, one on Barty’s body, and one hanging loosely from the ring. But then suddenly Barty was lifted from where he was lying on the table. There was only a fraction of space between him and the cushioned surface, but Evan fastened him completely and then gave him a little push so that everyone could see how he was suspended. 

Regulus growled under his breath, and James found himself sinking back against his chair, suddenly desperate to feel Regulus’s arm around him. He must have understood because his hand curved around James’s shoulder and pulled him in close. He looked away from Evan as the man started explaining his work. James could barely focus his breathing into a proper rhythm. His brain was fuzzy and his eyes were unfocused as Regulus’s long fingers started threading into his hair, kneading gently against the back of his neck. 

James swallowed and fidgeted with his hands trapped desperately between his legs. His shoulders were hunched forward as he pressed his back further into Regulus’s warmth. He couldn’t help but imagine himself in Barty’s place. Regulus could wrap soft rope around his chest, around his legs, between his groin, and pull at his limbs, fixing him into the perfect position, wherever he wanted him to be. 

“What do you think, Jamie?” Regulus murmured. His breath bloomed against his neck, and James realized he was whispering into his ear. The urge to roll his eyes back and moan was strong. “Do you like this? The way Barty is bound? Completely at Evan’s mercy?” 

James let out a breath, his lips parting. 

“He could do whatever he wanted with him now, you know,” Regulus said and James could swear the bridge of his nose brushed his ear. “Would you like to be bound like that?”

“Yes,” James whispered. It was honest and quick. Regulus sucked in a sharp breath. 

“Fuck,” he cursed. 

James shivered and felt the word caress his skin.

“I almost don’t want to wait for the class to finish,” he admitted with a strangled laugh, tracing a delicious pattern on the nape of his neck with his fingertip.

“Do you want to go?” James asked, flicking his gaze up to silvery eyes. 

“Only if you’re coming with me,” he purred. 

James could only nod, quickly and desperately trapped in his stormy gaze.

Chapter Text

*

Regulus

*

Regulus flexed his hand a dozen times as they half-sprinted back to his apartment. It was only a couple of blocks away from the club, so they were walking. He spoke a handful of words, mostly giving directions as he led James towards his place, but partly trying to level himself.

His mind was spinning out, and his body would not settle down. If he’d been concerned about James’s motives before tonight, Regulus was completely convinced now. His face, his eyes, his voice all switched on the minute Evan had started his routine. 

Luckily, Regulus had already seen Evan’s Best of Bondage on YouTube, so he was familiar with the program. It let him freely watch James’s reactions instead of watching the ropework. And James proved to be immensely entertaining to watch. Arousing . He saw James’s eyes glaze over when Evan passed the first section of rope over Barty’s waist, and Regulus almost had a heart attack. James’s plush, ruby lips had fallen open, and his cheeks flushed a perfect shade of rose on that tawny skin. 

And god help Regulus when James started squirming in his seat. He’d looked over at Regulus like he’d been caught doing something really bad, and Regulus’s brain dove headfirst into a million filthy scenarios. 

“Almost there,” Regulus said, eying James’s rigid stance. They stood at the elevator in his building, and Regulus struggled with the itch to take his hands out of his pockets and take James’s hand in his. 

James swallowed several times, and his eyes were darting around like a hummingbird. Regulus knew he was nervous. Hell, Regulus was nervous. The last time he’d actually tied up someone was almost two years ago, and it was with Avery. It had barely even counted as bondage since he only let him bind his wrists together. But, it had rekindled those dying embers inside Regulus, a core part of his sexual identity.

Regulus shook his head, trying to rid the ghosts and skeletons that were threatening to escape. That wasn’t what tonight was about. Tonight was about James. He wanted a taste of the kink world, an entry-level course in bondage, and Regulus wanted to help him any way he could.

Luckily, Regulus had already sort of planned for tonight, desperately hoping that James wouldn’t run for the hills. Regulus had doubted James would want to do anything tonight, but part of him had wanted it so bad that he had planned for it anyway. 

He was beyond thankful for this turn of events. 

“Here we are,” Regulus said, letting James into his condo. He didn’t say a word, just stepped inside, nervously biting hard on his lips and cheeks. “Would you like a water or something to drink? I have some sodas or tea or I can make a pot of coffee.”

“Just some water,” he rasped, then cleared his throat a couple of times. “Thanks.”

Regulus busied himself, and gave James the space to look around the place. It wasn’t really homey, but it was a hell of a nice place. It was one of the top floors of an expensive apartment complex, with giant windows and a stellar view of the city. It was one of the reasons Regulus bought the place when he and Avery had split. It’d cost a fortune, but Regulus didn’t care. He needed something new. He’d never regretted it. 

Thing was, it looked like it was straight out of a realty magazine. There wasn’t anything that looked like it belonged, like it was his. Except for his piano, which sat unused and unplayed for far longer than Regulus wanted to admit, it was like he didn’t really even live here. 

“Here you are,” Regulus said, holding out a glass of ice water. 

“I feel like I’m in an entirely different world,” James said quietly. “This place is so nice.”

“It’s just a place,” Regulus shrugged. He didn’t want anything to separate him and James, even though he knew that was easier said than felt. “Thank you, though.”

James nodded, and Regulus suddenly felt way out of his depth. The last time he’d propositioned someone for anything more than a date was over six years ago. And last time Regulus did a full scene was almost eight, back in medical school. The ghost of that sadistic and dominating energy that used to thrill through his veins only barely flickered these days. And Regulus wasn’t sure how to tap back into that version of himself. As though it was separate to begin with...

“How long have you been here?” James asked, bringing him out of his nervousness. Regulus studied him for a minute, drinking in his innocent expression and trusting eyes. With the city lights behind him, James looked really really nice. Soft, wispy hair, beautiful strong neck and tan skin, wistful brown-green eyes.

“Almost four years. I moved here after my residency in Vermont,” Regulus said, holding his tongue from mentioning Avery. 

“Oh, I see. I was wondering why they had gone to Vermont,” James said, like he was answering some unspoken question.

“Sirius and I grew up in Burlington. Remus’s father still lives there. That’s why Sirius and Remus got married back there,” Regulus said. 

“Where are they living now?” 

“They’re all over the place, really. Sirius travels for work and Remus works at any film studio he can. He’s mostly in LA though. That’s where their official house is, I guess,” Regulus said. It occurred to him that they were still awkwardly standing feet apart and in the weird section between the kitchen and living room. “I’m sorry, did you want to take a seat? Relax a little?”

“Erm, sure,” he said, finally uncrossing his arms and sitting on the very edge of the couch.

Regulus sighed, watching him move around the space awkwardly. “Is this...too much? Or too soon? I think maybe we got swept up in the moment back there.”

“No, no, I’m fine,” James said, but Regulus could see his eyes panicking. 

He smiled and sat next to him, purposefully encroaching on James’s space. He leaned away, but only a fraction. Regulus watched James steady himself then cast his eyes to the floor. 

“What are you thinking, James?” Regulus whispered. 

“I-I’m not sure,” he murmured. “I’m—Well, I’m really, um. I’m not sure how to say it. I think I’d be really sad if you sent me away right now.”

“Why’s that?” Regulus cocked an eyebrow. He wasn’t expecting that response. Bright eyes looked up at him and that wildfire from before was raging in his eyes again. 

“I really want you to tie me up,” he breathed, his hands squeezing tight to his glass. 

Regulus swallowed.

“I didn’t think my desire for it went this deep,” James continued, eyes drilling holes into Regulus’s. “I watched some videos and read up on it on Reddit, but I didn’t think I’d feel this strongly about it.”

“But now that you’ve seen it?”

“It’s like I couldn’t stop imagining myself in Barty’s place. I kept feeling Evan’s hands-on me like he was tying me up, and I really really liked it.”

Oh shit. Regulus’s body started coming to life, those dying embers flaring. 

He cleared his throat, opting for honesty, and said, “James, I haven’t done this in almost eight years. Not really.”

James's eyes widened and then looked confused. 

“I thought you were, like, really into this?” 

Regulus winced and folded his hands in his lap. “I am. It’s a part of me. I’m desperate to do this. I’d honestly thought that maybe this part of me had died years ago, but two years ago I ran into an old play partner and everything came rushing back. But, I wasn’t single at the time. I was heavily monogamous. Avery was...”

Regulus didn’t want to talk about him. He really didn’t.

“Tell me, Regulus. If I know anything, I know we have to be honest with each other. At least, that’s what I’ve read,” James said, his confidence starting out strong then bleeding away as he went. Regulus laid a hand on James’s knee and squeezed, an attempt of reassurance. 

“You’re right,” he admitted, then took a deep breath. “Avery was against kink, to put it simply. He had no tolerance for it, and his rigidity was our downfall. In every other way, Avery was probably perfect for me. But, I couldn’t satisfy this part of myself, and it killed me. I wanted him to be everything for me. Even though I know that's unfair.”

“No one can be everything to another person,” James said quietly. 

Regulus shook his head. “No, they can’t. And to assume that will only bring pain.”

“So, you broke up,” he said and Regulus nodded. “But, then, why didn’t you find someone else? Another sub?”

He took a deep breath. “I was heartbroken, James. Avery was everything, and then he was nothing. How else can I say it? For us to go from lovers to strangers took a heavy toll on me. Then, my parents passed and after that, I just didn’t have it in me to do anything but my work.”

James nodded, looking a little confused, but sympathetic. 

“I know this probably isn’t what you had in mind when you came back here,” Regulus said with half a chuckle. 

“Not particularly, but I’m way out of my depth too,” James said. “I’ve never had anyone mean that much to me before. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t felt that kind of pain.”

Regulus flexed his toes inside his shoes. All the feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, and heartache were starting to get on his nerves. Regulus took a steadying breath and tried to change the subject. If anything, James just admitted there was no pressure, in his own way. He didn’t have any expectations. 

“Okay,” Regulus said, then sat back and faced him. “Let’s do this, then. Tell me about your history. What have you done? Sexually speaking.”

“Is that a joke?” James cut, brows furrowing, cheeks reddening. 

“No, not at all. I just need some sort of baseline. I used to have a checklist of kinks and fetishes that I used to go through with subs so I could curate a perfect scene, but seeing as how you’re brand new to this and how wildly out of practice I am, I just need...I don’t know. Something,” Regulus said, incredibly frustrated at his lack of a proper vocabulary. 

“Okay...” James mumbled, looking back at his untouched water that was dripping cool condensation all over his black jeans. “I guess I’m, uh, well, I haven’t really done anything.”

“Nothing?” 

“Well, there were a couple of guys in college I kinda hooked up with. At like, parties and stuff,” he said, clearing his throat nervously. “Lily, my best friend, dragged me to a lot of places. And every once and a while, I would drink a little bit too much, and there was this guy that liked me. Or, he at least liked me for the night. We never went any further than sneaking around, giving handjobs or whatever, but that was it. He was a closet case, so he didn’t really pay much attention to me after the night was done.”

Regulus’s body wasn’t prepared for the onslaught of emotion that rushed over him as James spoke. It was obvious, painfully obvious, that James had insecurity issues bleeding out of every orifice. And for good reason, it seemed. The one guy that gave him any attention couldn’t cut it to really stick with him when it mattered. Not like Regulus didn’t sympathize with the pain of coming out…still. 

As Regulus studied him, he really just had the strong desire to kiss his insecurities away. He worked quickly to squash away those thoughts. 

“Okay,” he replied, hoping he sounded casual. “So, handjobs...Okay. How far do you want to go, then?”

Regulus meant it within the details of a scene, but James said, “I mean, I really hope I don’t die a virgin.”

His cheeks flushed, and he squirmed, and suddenly that little fire inside of Regulus started flaring up again. 

Regulus touched his lower back with a careful caress and said, “One thing at a time, Jamie.”

James shivered and let out a wet breath. 

“Do you want to see my playroom?” Regulus asked, a feeling of momentum coming over him quite quickly. Man, they really were running hot and cold, huh?

“Yes, please,” James said, turning blazing eyes to him. 

Regulus stood and offered him his hand. James nervously stared at it before wiping away the chill from his hands and taking it. Regulus tried not to think about the contrast of their skin, snowy pale against tawny warmth, as he walked them down the hall. James had thick, strong fingers, touching coolly to his palm. His hands were rough, but soft at the same time, like worn leather. 

“That’s my bedroom,” Regulus pointed and kept walking. 

“Sorry, uh, this might be a really dumb question but, aren’t we going to need your bedroom?” James asked. 

Regulus smirked. “I don’t think my little bed frame could handle it, Jamie.”

James gaped and flushed, eyes flicking back in front of him. 

“This is where we’ll be spending our time,” Regulus said, releasing his hand and letting him look the guest room over. 

It was woefully neglected in that the bed was too small and simply laid on the boxspring on the floor. All his gear was in a mess on the floor instead of tastefully put away into drawers. Regulus hadn’t bought any furniture for the room yet. Even the bolts on the wall were a recent installation. 

“Wow,” James said regardless. He bent and picked up various objects, and just like he did when James first entered his apartment, Regulus just let him walk around and get used to the space. 

“I haven’t put much energy into making the room fully usable yet, but I have a lot of ideas,” Regulus said as James ran his fingers through the tassels of a flogger. 

“Like what?” 

“Well, I want a swing here,” Regulus started, pointing to a hanger bolt in the ceiling. “And I want a pulley system here, and I mean, I want a sturdy bed frame or at least a way to bind someone to the bed. I need some drawers or a way to store all this stuff. I’d like to showcase my crops and floggers on the wall though. It's easier to reach that way.”

Regulus paused, knowing he’d gotten carried away when he realized James was frozen on his knees in the center of the room. He was trembling. 

“James? Are you alright?” Regulus said, bending toward him. 

“I’m...uh,” he stuttered, and Regulus realized the problem. He was semi-erect in his jeans, his face flushed bright scarlet. Regulus saw the recognition on his face, and he felt himself twitch in his slacks. 

“Oh, I see,” Regulus purred, and he moved into James’ space again. He reached out and tapped his fingers to the zipper of James’s pants. “Something in here you like, Jamie?”

“All of it?” he said, cracking a brief smile and then whisper-moaned when Regulus pressed his thumb against James’s growing length. 

“Well, I suppose I shouldn’t keep you waiting then,” Regulus said, biting down on his growing anticipation. “Stand up, James.”

He obeyed immediately and started fidgeting where he stood—pulling on his shirt and trying to adjust himself in his jeans. 

“Stop moving,” Regulus said, giving him a meaningful glance. He froze, eyes wide with shock and something akin to fear. Regulus raked his eyes over him, and he visibly shuddered. 

James’s pale skin was blotched red, down to his chest from what Regulus could see behind his shirt and harness. His erection strained against his jeans. It looked uncomfortable. A thrill went through Regulus as he kept James pinned with his gaze alone. 

“James, I need you to answer my questions. Only yes or no for now,” Regulus said, feeling the words come back to him, like all he needed to do was hop back on the damn bike to remember how to ride it.

James nodded, his shoulders hiking up almost all the way to his ears. Regulus took a step toward him, stepping over all his toys.

“Can I bind you tonight?”

“Yes.” Another shudder rippled through him. 

“Will you let me undress you?”

“Yes.” 

“You said you’re familiar with non-sexual play, but that’s not usually the way I play,” Regulus mused while running his eyes over James’s flushed skin. “Are you okay if we finish the scene with an orgasm?”

“Yes,” he bit back a groan. His shaft was fully strained against the seam of his pants now. He was squirming and seemed to have trouble keeping his hands pinned to his sides. 

“You’re doing great, James,” Regulus offered. “Can I touch you?”

“Please,” he whispered, and Regulus reached out to run the back of his knuckles against his cheekbone. He whimpered under his touch but didn’t move an inch. Regulus was already so impressed.

“I’m not huge on titles or any of the typical dom/sub stuff, but if you want to address me, you can. For this first time, I need you to stay vocal, okay? I need to know that you’re okay, but I also need to know where your hot spots are. Okay?”

“Yes, sir,” he breathed, and Regulus melted a little. Maybe Regulus did like the titles thing after all. 

“Do you have a safeword? Or would you like to use the stoplight system? Answer me, James.”

“What’s yours?” James asked. 

Regulus frowned. “I never thought about it.”

“You don’t have a safeword? Isn’t that like...the fundamental rule of S&M?”

Regulus was taken aback. He’d never thought about a dom needing a safe word. 

“Should we make ours together?” James asked, and for some reason, Regulus’s heart warmed at the thought. 

“Sure, James, that sounds good to me.” Regulus smiled.

“What about coffee and vanilla?”

Regulus laughed and he relaxed, heat still radiating from inside him. “Is that a joke?” Regulus asked. 

“Maybe a little play on words,” James said, beaming up at Regulus. Regulus made a mental note to include praise during his scene.

“Alright, I’ll be vanilla, you’ll be coffee,” Regulus offered. 

“Yes, sir,” he said, cheeks rosy and full of smiles. 

“What’s your safe word?”

“Coffee, sir.”

“Do you relinquish your control to me, then, James?” Regulus asked a knuckle under James’s chin to direct his eyes. Regulus wanted to watch him, pleased when his bright gold-green eyes glazed over. 

“Yes, sir. ”

*

“Stand here.”

Regulus gestured toward the edge of the bed, kicking himself for not making up the play room better than this. The wood floors were hard and cold, not ideal for play. The bed sat on the box spring on the floor, not at an ideal height for sitting comfortably, nor for actual fucking...though, Regulus didn’t think they’d actually go that far tonight. 

James moved robotically to stand and face Regulus, obviously uncomfortable in his clothes. Regulus paid no mind to him for a moment, sizing him up with just his eyes. The suspense from a lack of stimulation or conversation seemed to make James even more ill at ease. Soon, he was shifting where he stood, clenching and unclenching his fists which were still obediently at his sides. Regulus bit back a proud smile. They hadn’t even gotten that far, and already their chemistry felt magical. 

“We’ve only known one another for a short time,” Regulus started, clasping his hands behind his back and circling James as he spoke. “Why don’t we start with you telling me about yourself? Maybe about your family? Or you said you had a friend that you still talk to from college?”

James gulped a large breath and stared past Regulus’s gaze, clearly trying to keep control of himself. 

“Oh, uh, yes. Lily. She’s my best friend. We grew up together,” James said, a tremor vibrating in his voice. 

“Mmm, tell me about Lily, then. Don’t mind me,” Regulus said, taking a step into James’s space. 

He flinched but didn’t protest.

“Well, um, Lily was my neighbor, and we went to all the same schools growing up,” James started.

Regulus listened, but only partially. On one hand, he regretted jumping headfirst into the deep end when part of him actually wanted to know all about James. Huh. That wasn’t something Regulus had anticipated.

He shook his head and tried to focus back on James’s body. 

With a single finger, Regulus tapped the back of James’s neck, smiling when James simply paused, swallowed, and continued talking. He slid his fingertip across the length of James’s shoulders, up circling his left ear, then his right. No real signs of sensitivity other than the darkening blush that extended past James’s face and ears down his neck. What a beautiful color, like a dusty rose. 

“We actually played hockey together a lot in our high school club. She was a winger and I played goalie ungh—”

Oh. Regulus grinned devilishly when he lingered at the base of James’s neck, right under his Adam’s apple. James’s throat bobbed, and when Regulus met his gaze, he saw a brief flash of panic before he melted back into the sensation. Regulus filed the spot away for future use. 

“Continue,” Regulus simply said. 

James swallowed and opened his mouth to speak, just as Regulus continued trailing his fingertip down the length of James’s clothed collarbone. 

“Mmnot s-sure, w-where I-I was,” James whispered, trembling ever so lovely under Regulus’s touch. 

“You were telling me about your high school hockey club,” Regulus said, scheming on how to disrobe his sub. The harness really was a lovely addition to James’s outfit, but it seemed somewhat difficult to remove. 

“Oh, y-yes,” James cleared his throat and continued. “I was my team’s goalie. I played for three years before moving to university.”

Regulus murmured little acknowledgments as James spoke, furrowing his brows when his hands started fidgeting restlessly. 

“Are you having trouble keeping still?” Regulus asked.

“Yes,” James breathed, pouting like he was in trouble.

“Would you like me to help you?” 

James looked confused, aroused, and excited when Regulus turned to his pile of gear. He pulled out a set of handcuffs, black and lined with a dark red satin. These were a recent addition to his collection, Regulus having picked them because they were known for being comfortable. 

He walked past James to sit on the edge of the bed and cross his legs. James just stared through those thin framed glasses, his eyes round and trusting.

“Strip for me.”

James froze up with that same panic in his eyes. Regulus narrowed his gaze, looking for non-verbal signs that James wanted to stop. Instead of finding any, however, James straightened and undressed in front of Regulus’s watchful eyes. 

He knelt and started with unlacing his sneakers, moving very slowly, whether that was purposeful or not, Regulus drank in every moment he got to watch the man. 

James slipped off his shoes, leaving on his cartoon-themed socks, then moved to unlatch the harness for his chest. Regulus gestured for the garment and James blinked and placed it in his hands, his skin on fire where it tapped Regulus’s. Then, he was unbuttoning his jeans and slipping them off, a pair of small, tight briefs underneath. His shirt came last and Regulus spied the chill on James’s skin.

“You can stop there,” Regulus said, his low voice much huskier than before. 

As his eyes skirted the length of James’s frame, he felt his body come alive. James was simply beautiful. Stunning, rugged lines and a drape of tawny skin over well-defined muscles. The crimson stain that reached down from his neck spotted teasing marks across his chest, taunting Regulus’s imagination of what his marks would look like.

“You are beautiful, James,” Regulus whispered.

James’s mouth fell open in a light suck of breath, leaving both of them in a state of wonderful tension that Regulus wanted to revel in. 

Instead, he stood to set and latch the harness back on James’s shoulders. There were several points that Regulus could fasten James’s wrists to, but he stuttered wondering what position he could use that wouldn’t end up painful after a few moments. This scene wasn’t going to touch pain. Regulus had already decided that. No matter how much he wanted to mark up the beautiful canvas that rested before him, he would put aside that desire for James’s sake. 

“Your hands, James,” Regulus beckoned.

He lifted them and Regulus covered both wrists with the leather cuffs. The room echoed with the clinks of the latches and the soft pants of breath from James’s mouth. Regulus avoided his eyes, knowing that he needed to remain calm for this next part. Seeing the fire in James’s eyes would only stoke him further, and he could already feel the heat of his gaze. 

He took a metal clip and clicked James’s cuffs to the O-ring in the center of his chest. Then, Regulus stepped back and let his eyes roam over James’s body once more. 

“Oh,” James whimpered.

Regulus smirked, seeing how James was already pulling on his restraints.

“Problem?”

“I can’t move them,” James moaned softly. 

“I suppose that’s the point,” Regulus quipped with a smirk. “I need you still if I’m to take advantage of the rest of your body.”

James buckled like he was having trouble standing. When Regulus looked down, he saw James’s erection, damp and straining against his underwear. He had his knees pressed together in an attempt to hide himself as he stood bare before Regulus’s gaze. 

“Personally, I think you look delicious like this,” Regulus murmured, half to himself. 

It only elicited another pant. 

“There’s plenty I could do to you now, James, and you’d have to simply take it. I could take my flogger directly to your skin and let the tassels warm your back until you’re begging. Or maybe I could bend you over and use you for my own pleasure. Maybe even just leave you here, trussed up and pretty, just waiting for me,” Regulus mused, tapping his fingers like he was bored. 

“Please,” James breathed. 

Regulus didn’t bother asking for him to clarify like he might. Please, what? He could say. But, Regulus knew that James had no idea what he wanted. That was the point of all this. 

“Next time, then,” Regulus murmured. 

He left James to squirm in place for a few moments while he removed his coat and wristwatch, something he probably should have done before they started. He felt a shiver roll down his spine; the soft little whimpers that were coming from behind him really did wonders to set the mood. Regulus felt the delectable sense of power wash over him. And knowing that no one had ever seen James like this made him possessive. He strangely wanted to take all of James’s firsts and make him his. 

James’s eyes were closed when Regulus approached again, and he took the opportunity to press his chest to James’s back. He jumped in place, little trails of goosebumps following where Regulus put his hands.

“I’m really enjoying all the wonderful sounds you’re making, James,” Regulus whispered against the shell of his ear. He shuddered, letting out a soft pant. “I don’t even think you realize you’re doing it. Are you having that much fun already?”

James nodded fervently.

“I haven’t even really touched you yet,” Regulus mused. 

He whimpered, the slight humiliation washing over him. 

“So perfect and ready for me,” Regulus hummed, making James preen and lean heavily against him. “I know that here—“

James moaned as Regulus tapped that sensitive spot on his neck. 

“—Is very sensitive. I wonder where else,” Regulus said, taking a lungful of James’s smell. 

He roamed over James’s shoulders and back, drowning in the softness of his skin. Regulus had never known that a man could feel so smooth and so warm and rough all at the same time. When he walked his fingertips underneath James’s ribs, the man practically melted. 

“Mmmm,” Regulus smiled. 

“Sir, ‘mnot sure I c-can stand m-much longer,” James whispered. 

“You’ll stand as long as I ask,” Regulus corrected. 

James froze for a moment, then shivered all over. Regulus smirked, loving how James was responding to him. But instead of protesting, the way Regulus had expected, James remained upright, knees buckling and teeth chattering as he shuddered. Maybe Regulus could pull a bratty side out of him, but for now, he was loving his delicious submissive nature.

Regulus pressed his palms into the dip of James’s waist, internally groaning and how solid the man was—though soft, pliable, perfect. 

When his fingers reached James’s waistband, Regulus pulled away altogether, completely aroused at how James protested the lack of touch. He whimpered and Regulus didn’t need to look at his face to know there were little tears pricking his eyes. 

James mumbled in his trembling.

“What’s that, James?”

“W-why’d you s-stop?” James whispered, tilting to look with misty eyes at Regulus over his shoulder. 

Regulus paused and blinked, heat blooming fiercely under his shirt. He cleared his throat and tried to smother the animal inside him that wanted to throw James against the bed and fuck him until he was begging for him to stop. 

“Turn around,” Regulus all but growled. 

James’s eyes went wide, but he obeyed immediately, his perfect ass just above the sheets, his toes moving like mad inside his socks. 

Regulus didn’t make it a habit to undress during a scene, especially when he knew that he wasn’t going to be actually participating in the climax, but he undid a few buttons at the top of his dress shirt, relieving the heat sticking to his skin that was threatening to smother him. 

Without warning, Regulus stepped forward and slid a hand into James’s briefs. James let out a cry but kept his eyes up even when his brows pinched and his lips fell open. 

Their faces were inches away from one another now, and just as Regulus had predicted, James looked divine as he looked up at Regulus, glasses askew, hands clasped at his chest like he was praying. He squeezed James’s length, pressing in just a tad more than was probably comfortable, then released him, dragging his palm up his cock before running a thumb over the slit. 

Then he released James and slipped off his briefs, eyes still captivated by James’s grey-greens. The small underwear fell to the ground and James automatically stepped away from them. 

Without a sound, Regulus pressed at his shoulders, directing him to sit on the bed. He obeyed wonderfully, eyes still trained on Regulus’s face. Regulus had to prop a knee against the bed, struggling to keep the distance between his and James’s lips, though he was wanting to remove that distance terribly now. 

James’s cheeks were flushed and his lids were threatening to droop closed when Regulus resumed his light stroking. His cock felt just as good as the rest of James, curved, girthy, and deliciously hard, despite the little stimulation. 

With his free hand, Regulus tapped against James’s bottom lip, delighted when James opened his mouth without a verbal command. He pressed a digit past the threshold, James taking him in without protest. Regulus pet James’s tongue, hot and wet, letting out a gasp of his own when James closed his lips and sucked. 

“James,” Regulus warned. 

He opened his mouth again with a small smirk. Regulus returned a dark smile, thinking that he might have found that little minx hiding inside the polite James Potter. 

Regulus took his hands away from him altogether, his brain scrambling to remember all of James’s hot spots—neck, ribs, tummy, tongue. Now all he wanted to see was what James looked like when he flew over the edge. 

“You’re doing so well for me,” Regulus said. “Your body is very honest.” 

“It hurts,” James whined. “Is it supposed to hurt?”

Regulus frowned. “Where does it hurt? Your wrists?”

“N-No, here,” James said, falling back so that he was laying back on the bed. He lifted his legs and pointed his toes towards his groin. 

Regulus let out a huff of appreciation for the view. 

“All in good time, princess,” Regulus purred, taking one of James’s socked feet in his hand—running his long fingers all over the meat of his legs. 

James’s head fell back against the bed, and Regulus had a very hard time not imagining what it would be like to pull down his slacks, unfurl his aching length and come all over James’s ruddy skin. He reached down and shifted in his pants, sighing at the slight stimulation, hoping James wouldn’t see it. 

Instead, he separated James’s knees, appreciating how he opened himself up without command. He looked stunning, his fluttering hole exposed, taught balls and dripping cock bouncing from where it smeared precum all over James’s tummy. 

“You’re very trusting, James,” Regulus wondered aloud. “Don’t you want to look to see what I’m going to do?”

“Should I be worried?” James asked, a hint of sass in his tone. 

Regulus reared back and smacked his palm against James’s flank. He jolted and tried to close his legs, but Regulus was fast to grip his knees and keep them apart. His gaze flicked to Regulus, a little bit of fear in those pretty eyes. Regulus could see the obvious thrill pass over him as he realized the predicament he was in. He tried scooting backward, away from Regulus’s searching eyes, but Regulus simply grabbed his hips and pulled him back to the edge of the bed. 

“You know what you have to do to stop, James,” Regulus reminded him. “But, I don’t think you will. You seem to enjoy this.”

Regulus tapped a finger to the head of James’s cock. He let out a whimper and fell back against the sheets. 

“Tell me,” Regulus said, closing his hand over James’s length and pulling slow, languid strokes. “Do you like feeling like this? Like you’re powerless and only here for my pleasure?”

“Yes, yes, yes,” James moaned, hips rocking and bucking into Regulus’s grasp. 

Regulus pulled away and landed another spank on the outside of James’s hip. He yelped but didn’t protest any further. Regulus’s pants tightened and he swallowed against the feral desire building inside him. 

“What about the pain? Do you like that too?” 

And to provide an example, Regulus circled his fingers around James’s balls, tightening more and more until James was breathless and begging.

“I do! I like it!” 

Regulus didn’t have to ask if James was lying because as he pinched, he watched a pearl of precum drip out of his cock. 

“I can see that,” Regulus chuckled, watching James’s cheeks flush deeper at the humiliation. 

When he released James, he turned away, leaving him panting for just a moment to grab a pair of nitrile gloves and some lube. James looked up when he heard the rustling, curiosity and shameless arousal coursing through his gaze. Regulus smiled and wiggled his gloved fingers at him. 

“I’m not done searching your body,” Regulus explained. “There’s one spot that I think you’ll really enjoy.”

James’s eyes went wide, and he visibly swallowed, telling Regulus that he knew exactly what he was about to do without saying a single word. 

Regulus poured a healthy amount of lube onto his fingers, nudging James’s legs open again to reveal that winking pink hole. 

“Keep your legs open, James,” Regulus ordered. “If you close them, I’ll stop. Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir,” James panted. 

“Good boy.”

James moaned, and Regulus pressed a single finger to his rim. He grasped James’s cock with his other hand and began stroking him in earnest. James was overwhelmed by the stimulation all at once, eyes wide and moans flying past his lips with abandon. Regulus was so happy that James didn’t seem embarrassed or ashamed of the gorgeous sounds he was making. He knew without a doubt that those moans and whimpers would follow him into his dreams for days after this. 

“So, so good for me,” Regulus murmured as he pressed his middle finger past his entrance.

James’s eyebrows furrowed, but he didn’t complain or cry out. Regulus wondered if James had played this way by himself before. At thirty years of age, Regulus honestly would be surprised if he hadn’t. 

“Tell me when you’re close, James,” Regulus asked. “I want to watch you fall apart.”

“’M already p-pretty d-damn close,” James sputtered, tears and drool staining his pretty face. 

Fuck, Regulus was having trouble keeping himself from fucking his sub senseless. Another time, another time, he promised himself again when James let out another sweet sigh of pleasure. 

When Regulus’s finger was buried inside James’s tight heat, he started thrusting and probing, losing himself in the motion and feeling of being inside of the gorgeous man. James’s hips were grinding and bucking in a strangled rhythm, but he didn’t once try to close his legs. A perfect submissive, Regulus thought inwardly. They weren’t even finished with the first scene before he was wanting to do another. 

“When you’re ready, come for me, darling,” Regulus said, feeling hot and sensitive all over. 

He curled his finger, his prostate taut and obvious, and James’s eyes flew open. He choked on a moan before crying out—

“M coming! I-I’m c-coming, sir!” James yelped. 

Regulus didn’t stop his motions as James fell apart, chest rising off the bed, his arms wonderfully flexed against his chest restraints. His flush reached down to the tip of his cock as he finished, white and hot all over Regulus’s gloves. He barely held himself together as he felt James clamp down on his finger. 

After a few seconds of pulsing, breathless and sweaty, James let his knees fall to the sides of the bed, practically a perfect split, spread eagle. Regulus’s eyebrows flew to his hairline wondering how flexible James actually was. 

He pulled his hands away from James’s hole, enjoying the full-body shudder that rolled over him. He snapped off his gloves, tossing them into the small bin before turning, fully serious back to James.

“I don’t want to stop,” Regulus said. “I know this is your first time, so if you’d like to call it now, tell me. Otherwise, I’m going to continue. This time, you can please me.”

James sat up while Regulus spoke, looking blissed out and a little loopy. Regulus knew he probably should call it, for the sake of protecting his sub’s blissful state. He should move right into the aftercare that he had planned, but he didn’t know what to do. He was starving for more. 

“’M good,” James murmured. His eyes were fixed on the obvious bulge in Regulus’s pants. “That looks like it hurts, sir.”

“James, I’m serious,” Regulus said, barely holding back. 

“So ‘m I. I wanna help,” James said, stumbling to his feet and walking over to where Regulus stood. “This looks yummy.” 

Without prompting, James awkwardly fell to his knees and nuzzled against Regulus’s pants. 

“Where did you learn to talk like that?” Regulus wondered with a dark smile. He ran his hand through James’s hair as he watched him mouth at his pants. 

“I’m a virgin, not a prude,” James sassed, and Regulus automatically yanked on his hair. 

James yelped, a fucking smile on his face. 

“I like that, sir,” James purred just this side of sarcastic, his fucked out face gleaming and pretty as he smiled up at Regulus.

“I knew you’d be dangerous,” Regulus hissed. “Open your mouth.”

James snapped to attention, all teasing set aside as he understood what Regulus was about to do. 

Regulus released his hair, carefully removed his glasses and set them back on the bed. He was thoroughly enjoying the view of James, hands bound, on his knees for him. Especially the way those beautiful hazel eyes looked up at him, the irises almost completely blacked out.

He palmed the back of James’s head as he undid his pants with his other hand. When his cock was free, he stroked himself, already so aroused that he knew it wouldn’t be too hard to finish inside his sub’s mouth if he chose to. 

“I’ll go slow at first,” Regulus explained, scratching at James’s scalp. “Stick your tongue out, relax your jaw. Don’t try to suck too much. Breathe through your nose as much as you can.”

James moaned as Regulus played with his hair. 

“You won’t be able to talk if I decide to use your throat, so I’ll need you to blink two big blinks if you need me to stop, okay? Can you show what I mean?” Regulus asked. 

James looked up at him and squeezed his eyes shut twice in succession. 

“Fuck,” Regulus said. “You’re so good.”

James lit up inside and Regulus had to keep himself from kneeling down and claiming his mouth with his. 

“Open, sub,” Regulus said instead. 

James opened wide, a little teasing smile on his lips as he stuck his tongue out. 

Regulus urged his tip into the willing mouth, already at his limit when James closed his lips around him, his moans vibrating up through Regulus’s shaft. 

“Slow, darling,” Regulus said, the pet name slipping out. 

James looked so fucking goodlike this. Trussed up and helpless, with his pretty pink lips stretched over Regulus’s cock. It took all of his strength to not come right then and there. James might have been the virgin, but Regulus hadn’t been with another person in over a year. He was flooded with want.

“Don’t suck, just relax and open wide, James,” Regulus said. “I want to use your throat.”

James moaned around him and lolled his jaw open, much more relaxed than Regulus could imagine. He wondered if maybe having him climax first made him more easily accessible this way.

When Regulus tapped his tip against the back of James’s throat, he anticipated a gag or for James to pull away, deeply shocked when all he got was a soft puff of air through his cheeks. He pulled all the way out and eyed James. 

“James...do you have a gag reflex?” Regulus asked, having never actually met someone without one before. Theoretically, one in three lacked the reflex, but Regulus had never met someone like that. His patients always had hypersensitive reflexes, having trouble with even swallowing pills.

“’Mnot sure, but when I practiced giving head, I never had trouble getting a dildo down my throat,” James said, a touch of innocence in his voice.

Regulus was overwhelmed with feral desire. The image of James deep throating a purple dildo with ease made him want to vibrate out of his skin. 

“Open up, darling, I’m going to go fast now,” Regulus hissed with barely contained restraint. 

James smiled and opened wide, not a worry in sight. 

Regulus responded by thrusting his cock back inside, touching the back of James’s throat and into the tight heat with ease. He pulled back and thrust, only touching the back of his throat, interchanging his thrusts—deep and shallow—as best as he could before he lost all control. He made the mistake of looking down to make sure he saw James’s signal to stop if he needed to. Instead of wanting to stop, James was moaning and looking fucked out in bliss. His eyes were rolling into the back of his skull and his body was gyrating beneath him. 

When James’s eyes met Regulus’s he winked, winked, at him. Regulus all but lost his fucking mind. He gripped James’s hair tighter and reveled in the succeeding moan that vibrated in James’s throat. 

“I’m going to come in your mouth, princess,” Regulus groaned. “And you’re going to thank me for every drop.”

James was practically falling apart, likely overstimulated and overwhelmed, but Regulus was too far gone. He buried himself deep into James, feeling him swallow against his cock as he let out streams of cum. Pleasure washed over Regulus and he could barely stay upright. He let out a pinched moan of his own before pulling out and hearing James moan and cough slightly.

Regulus backed away, only to see the sight of James on his knees, cum dribbling out of his mouth, and—

“James,” Regulus panted, eyes wide when he saw the mess between James’s legs. “Did you come again while I was inside you?”

James flushed and nodded. 

“Fuck,” Regulus cursed, then fell to his knees in front of James and slammed their mouths together. 

He cupped James’s cheek with one hand and gripped the back of James’s neck with the other. The kiss was hot and wet and a complete mess of tongues in mouths. Regulus felt feral want deep in his gut when he tasted his own cum inside James’s mouth. He ravished his lips, swiping his tongue against his, tracing his teeth, and pressing hard against the roof of his mouth. He moved against James’s cheek, biting against his jaw as he moaned. He traced his tongue down James’s throat until he found that sweet sensitive spot, pressing his tongue against it before sucking a deep, dark mark against the skin there. James whimpered, pliant and accepting. Regulus mouthed and lapped at the mark, lost to his desire to claim.

After a few seconds of drowning in his delight and aftershocks, Regulus pulled back and reached up to release James’s arms. 

“Christ, I’m so proud of you,” Regulus murmured, stroking his hands through James’s hair. “That was a hell of a scene.”

“We didn’t even do that much,” James whispered. 

“It might seem like that, but we did, and you were—you were perfect,” Regulus said, smoothing his hands over James’s hair, neck and shoulders. 

James beamed, albeit a little tired and soft. It made fondness grow wild inside Regulus’s heart. 

“Come on, let me take you to a bath and we can wind down together,” Regulus said, smiling at his sub. 

James flashed a brilliant, beautiful smile at Regulus and said, “Yes, sir.”

*

James

*

This was the new height of relaxation. 

Regulus had a large en-suite bathroom, equipped with a garden tub that had jets. A large window opened the space up to the skyline, orange haze lingering low in the summer night. James soaked in the tub, and Regulus was honest to goodness washing his hair. It was fairly difficult for James to remain above the waterline with how deliciously loose his limbs were. But as long as those hands were scratching at his scalp, he would’ve used all his remaining energy staying put to feel Regulus’s long fingers on him.

James asked a series of questions, feeling like he was babbling incessantly, probably bothering Regulus. But, he was answered without any sass or dryness, so he thought maybe that his questions were fine. 

“What was that thing with all the dangles?” he asked, playing with one of the jet streams. 

“A flog? The one that looks kinda like a cheerleader’s pom pom?” 

James laughed. “Yeah, that thing. The leather tassels.”

“Yeah, that’s a traditional handle long-tailed flogger,” Regulus said, and James detected a smile in his voice. “You could also call it a Cat o’ Nine Tails.”

“What’s a flogger then?”

“It’s a sort of whip. Used for impact play,” Regulus explained. 

James nodded, mouth loose and throat sort of sore. His lips were stretched and raw, having accommodated Regulus’s larger-than-expected cock.

“Impact play is like spanking?” James felt himself flush, remembering Regulus’ spank earlier, during their scene.

He’d actually done it. He’d actually subbed for a BDSM scene. James ducked his lips and cheeks under the water, warmth caressing his face as he smiled. He legitimately felt like giggling and kicking his feet. 

“Yes,” Regulus answered. “There are a lot of ways to play with impact. Floggers, whips, spanking, canes—”

“Canes?!”

Regulus grinned and purred, “Oh yes, Jamie. That’s one of my favorites.”

James gulped. The idea of being hit with such a rigid object as a cane made him squirm. Wouldn’t that hurt?

Or…was that the point?

“I…”

“Mmm?” Regulus said, massaging lower onto James’s neck. He rolled his head in response. It was sort of hard to get his thoughts together when Regulus’s fingers were playing him like a piano.

“Is impact play used for punishment?” James could hardly picture a scenario where he’d want to be punished. He was so singularly focused on being good for Regulus before. 

“Sometimes,” Regulus murmured. “It can be used for that, though I don’t, personally, since pain is so integral to the way I like to play.”

“You said that before…about being a sadist,” James started. “But, tonight wasn’t painful at all.”

“No, it shouldn’t have been. I planned on leaving pain completely out of tonight’s scene.”

“You were prepared for this?” James said, turning to look Regulus in the eyes. 

He was so lovely…Long, pretty pale limbs, precious silvery eyes, that shock of black curls…

Regulus grinned without darkness, almost bashfully. “Yes. Or, I had hoped.”

James smiled, feeling a bit like a golden retriever. He didn’t say anything else, just turned back around and tried to squash down the feelings swirling in his chest when Regulus continued massaging at his neck and shoulders.

“Erm,” he tried, a flutter in his voice. “So, when you say pain…”

Regulus’s hands stilled perceptively, and James knew they were entering the territory of past relationships and exes and probably a whole lot of hurt, but he remained steady. James could be a therapist for a bit, if he needed. 

“Well,” Regulus said, collecting himself and continuing his tender touch. “I see a lot of pain, doing what I do—and don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love what I do. But sometimes… it's awfully hard to separate myself from the pain that I encounter in my daily life.”

James nodded, trying to understand.

“When I am in control, when I can see the boundaries of the scene, the amazing payoff at the end—it's the best feeling in the world to drive someone’s body to heights they’d never known was possible.”

A flush swirled in James’s cheeks. He fumbled his fists under the water, vibrating a bit at the thought of being used for Regulus to process whatever he needed in the confines of something that promised sexual bliss at the end. 

“What’s your favorite way to play?”

Regulus took a deep breath, as if it were a horribly difficult question to answer. Maybe it was like asking someone what their favorite band was. James wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to answer that one. 

“Well, there is one kind of scene that comes to mind, but I don’t want to frighten you off so soon,” Regulus laughed. 

“Try me.” James was a big boy. He could take it.

“Well, I love sounding and prostate milking,” Regulus murmured, then shrugged. “That’s just what came to mind first.”

“I’m not sure I know what either of those things is,” James chuckled. “What’s sounding?”

“It's when you insert a metal rod into the slit of your cock,” Regulus deadpanned. 

“Really?!” 

James turned in the bath, tired of not seeing Regulus’s face. 

“Really really,” Regulus replied with a dark grin. His black shirt was wet now, the folded-up sleeves soaked around his forearms. James wanted to see him undressed and in the warm bath with him, but he didn’t say it aloud.

“Wouldn’t that hurt?” James asked, wondering it for the second time. 

Regulus looked sinful as he said, “If I do it right, no. But, it would be an intrusion. It’s like being fucked from both sides, if you do it right.”

James was going to combust. His cock had thickened several minutes ago and was eager to play again, even if it meant enduring a little pain. 

Regulus must have noticed the way James was squirming and making a whole lot of sloshing noises in the bath because he stood and bent over the tub, a wicked grin on his face as he brought his lips down to meet James’s ear. 

“I really want to play again, James,” he whispered, cocksure and a little arrogant. He knew the power he had over him. 

“Me too,” James whooshed out. 

Regulus reached into the water and trailed a singular fingernail up James’s cock. The shock of pain bloomed like a trail of fire, settling deep at the base and spreading out delicious warmth. He felt his sore hole flutter underneath him. 

“I like pain because it changes the body,” Regulus continued, voice raspy and finger ghosting over James’s cock. “It makes everything feel like more. More warmth, more pleasure.”

James gasped a moan when Regulus wrapped those long fingers around him and began working him over.

“When you feel that sharp pain dull into thudding heat,” Regulus said, nose trailing James’s ear. He sucked his lobe into his mouth for only a moment. James panted. “It makes everything feel that much better. Your body, your mind seeks out anything to take away the pain. You're flooded with endorphins, hormones. You can feel exquisite pleasure.”

“Oh fuck,” James said, his eyes rolling back into his head. He was beginning to wonder if he had a voice kink. Regulus’s words were killing him.

He was definitely going to come again. 

Regulus squeezed his cock, the sounds of the bathwater and James’ moans echoing in salacious ways. He didn’t know what to do with his hands. He didn’t know what to do with his body. James floundered, splashing and grabbing at Regulus, who was giggling low and teasing. They moved against one another, unknowingly drawing closer and closer, with James’s arms wrapped around his neck, his mouth on his throat. Regulus was practically purring as he abused James’ cock. Squeezing and pinching and scratching with a long nail. He tugged at his balls, pulling them away from his body them pushing them hard against his groin. 

James didn’t know where the brief bursts of pain stopped and the overwhelming pleasure began. 

“Regulus…”

“Darling,” Regulus murmured, his own breath coming in hot bursts against James’s face. “You’re so hard for me again. Are you enjoying this that much?”

“So much,” James whined when the hand on his cock stilled. “I’m so close.”

“Honestly, I am too,” Regulus said, like he was surprised at himself. 

James pulled back to look into Regulus’s eyes. His cheeks were flushed, and water dripped from his curls. He looked a right mess, and James wanted to push him further, not really knowing if they were in another scene or if this was…something else. He watched as Regulus pulled out his cock again, not removing his clothes, just moving them out of the way. It was unbalanced, and they were precariously holding one another on the edge of the bathtub.

One slip of a hand was all it took for Regulus to slip and fall right on top of James, getting completely soaked. 

James’s eyes went wide, his mouth hanging open, and he had no idea what to do. Regulus was fully in the bath with him now. He sat back on his heels and swiped his wet hair out of his face. He looked up at James, silvery eyes through thick black lashes, and grinned like mad. James felt like his face was on fire. 

Regulus, a devil clad in soaked black fabric, was a dream. The water clung to his skin, and James had the strongest urge to lean forward and lick it off. 

Without another word, Regulus leaned forward, pushing James almost fully underwater, just enough space for him to breathe. He pressed his body down and lined their cocks up, wrapping those freakishly long fingers around both of them. James hissed as the burning pleasure zipped through him, building low and luscious at his spine. 

“Fuck, James,” Regulus growled. “I’ve…I’m going to come like this.”

James couldn’t say a damn word because he’d already felt that tell-tale kick of an orgasm start behind his balls. He looked up to meet Regulus’s gaze, finding heat and possessiveness and the promise of a lot more in those stormy eyes. His jaw was gaping and loose, but he had just enough strength and willpower to hold off coming until Regulus said he could.

But, the order never came, and things were getting dire. 

Regulus moved his hand over them fervently, the slick feeling of the soapy water creating a sensation so overwhelming that James could hardly stand it. The pleasure in his groin was radiating up and through his limbs, and he felt wildfire grow and burn him at the base of his spine. He kicked and thrashed in the water, and the suds coated every part of them. James reached forward with his lips, grazing against Regulus’s jaw, tasting the acrid soap on his skin. 

“Please, sir,” James whispered. “I can’t…I need…”

Regulus groaned, and after two more seconds of torture, he said, “Fuck, come for me, James. I want to feel you come.”

James was flying over the edge before he’d even finished speaking. Sparks of fire flicked everywhere, all over his body, and the warmth of the bath and the honeyed sensation of orgasm shot through him like fireworks. He was moaning and almost screaming Regulus’s name in a string of filthy curses and praise. 

Regulus must have been right behind him because his body seized from beneath where James had been grabbing him. His back arched like a cat, and his forehead fell against James’s collarbone. They gripped each other, keeping close as they panted and felt aftershocks tumble through them. 

James started laughing almost uncontrollably when Regulus finally let go of their softening cocks and sat up again. He ran his hands through his black curls and took what looked like a much-needed deep breath. James was simply a collection of limp noodles. He couldn’t sit up or do anything except smile and laugh. He felt so giddy, so light. 

Regulus finally looked back at him with a crooked, toothy smile, a canine poking into his plush bottom lip. James spotted the marks he’d accidentally left on Regulus’s neck, wondering if he, himself, had matching ones. He shivered and felt like butterflies were everywhere in his body. 

“Well,” Regulus said after a few more deep breaths. “That wasn’t supposed to happen.”

James laughed louder, holding his stomach, and Regulus giggled with him. Whether they were meant to flirt or have sex outside of scenes, James had no way of knowing. But at that moment, Regulus stood and grabbed his hand to help him out of the bath and into the large shower. They took turns rinsing, shampooing, and rinsing again, barely keeping their hands off of one another. James had no way to still his beating heart when Regulus offered him a towel and a fluffy robe. He had no way of understanding what was happening to him. All the conflicting emotions that were fluttering around in his mind, predominantly giddy and happy feelings, he wanted to squash away the panic and red flags when Regulus led him to his bedroom, and they both collapsed into a deep sleep. 

Everything felt completely different when James woke up. The morning held a softness and fragility that was markedly different from the anxious eagerness of the night before. He was curled up in silky sheets and wrapped in a tangle of his bathrobe, completely naked underneath. His cock was hard and ready to go again, which really just made James feel like he needed to pee, but as he rolled onto his stomach and rutted into the mattress just a little, he sighed with pleasure. Of course, the second he found some sort of sexual release with another person, his dick would be ready to go at any given moment. 

Or maybe he just knew Regulus was here somewhere. 

The space in the bed next to him was empty, but sounds were coming from down the hall, and the smell of coffee roused him. He was still giddy from the night before, images of crops and floggers and handcuffs and a soaking wet Regulus Black flashed through his mind. He rolled onto his back and threw an arm over his eyes, smiling to himself. 

There was a sort of pressure that came with being a virgin. Especially an older virgin. Usually, when he’d tried to date, the other person was hesitant or put off altogether. They didn’t want to ruin James’s first time. They didn’t want to hurt him. 

Regulus had gone ahead and just smashed all those worries to bits. 

And now, James felt insatiable. 

Now that he’d say he was somewhat experienced, he wanted to try everything. Topping, bottoming, 69, prone boning, on all fours—And that was only some of the vanilla shit. He wanted to try shibari and hang helplessly in a sex swing. He wanted to play with sounds and plugs and cock rings. He wanted to be flogged and caned and withstand whatever pain was needed to get that height of pleasure that Regulus had spoken of the night before. Whatever he could think of, he wanted to try. He wanted to be so good for Regulus, so he’ll keep—

James’ smile faltered. 

What was he thinking just then? He wanted Regulus to…what? Keep him? The 30-year-old virgin who’d trashed his bathroom and came three times just from a little touching? Regulus had barely played with him the night before. Had he even been a good play partner? Did Regulus even enjoy it enough to do it again?

No, okay. Stop that. James chided himself. What was the use of playing the what-if game if he could just go and ask Regulus himself? 

He stood, wrapped the warm bathrobe around himself, and padded to the restroom, then down the hall. Regulus stood, casually dressed in a pair of well-worn sweatpants and a sweater that fell off his pale shoulder. He looked so pretty, half his curls clipped out of his face, and he had socked feet in a pair of fluffy house shoes. 

“Good morning,” James said, smiling as if he wasn’t feeling incredibly insecure. 

He tried to find the cocky jock that he knew he still had inside himself, but it was hard when the man in front of him was so fucking beautiful, it almost hurt to look at him. Domestic and satin skin and feathery eyelashes…

“Good morning, James,” Regulus said, silvery eyes glinting at him. He grinned, with a hint of darkness touching his features. “I made coffee, if you’re interested.”

“Thanks,” James said and went over to pour himself a mug. He took a sip without even bothering to think about the temperature. He just about burned his tongue when he smelled a sweet spice coming off of Regulus. “What are you having?”

“Chai latte, of course,” Regulus said, sipping and humming. “How did you sleep?”

“Like the dead, thankfully.”

“Welcome back to the living, then,” he said with a dry smirk. 

James chuckled. 

They stood there in silence for a few moments before James started to get antsy. He wanted to know what to do next. Should he leave? Should he stay forever? What was the protocol here?

“James, I—”

“Listen, I suppose I should go,” James panicked and sputtered, suddenly very much not wanting to face what was sure to be a rejection. 

Regulus at least had the decency to look shocked. 

“I’m, erm, I have a photoshoot to go to later today, and I should probably…just, yeah,” James finished weakly. 

“Alright,” Regulus said. 

Before James could really make his way out of the door, he couldn’t help himself from saying, “I…had a really fucking good time last night.”

Regulus blinked at him again. 

“I’m not saying I have any expectations…but if you wanted to do this again…”

James let the moment hang, half expecting Regulus to turn him down immediately, half expecting him to heartily set up their next date. 

But he didn’t say anything. 

So, James rushed back to the bathroom where his clothes from the day before lay in a heap. He blushed as he dressed and picked up the harness he’d worn to the club. What a fool he’d been. How stupid he must’ve looked. No wonder Regulus wasn’t signing up to be a regular play partner.

He picked up his head and walked back out to the main room with a confidence he didn’t feel, to find Regulus in the same place as before. 

“Well,” James said, trying for his usual smile. 

“James,” Regulus said, finding his words finally. “I had a great time too.”

“You don’t have to say that, Reg—”

“I did. I don’t think I have the words to tell you how much I needed everything we did last night.”

Now it was James’s turn to blink dumbly. 

“I’m…not good at the rest of this,” Regulus said. “It hasn’t even been that long since…well, you know. I’m just out of practice with everything, and last night things got…blurry.”

“You mean afterwards, in the bath?” James frowned. Call him vanilla, but he’d almost liked their bathtime more than the scene itself. Almost. 

“Yes. I don’t want to lead you on,” Regulus said, picking at a thread of his shirt. “But, I can’t lie to you either.”

“Say what you need to say, man.” There was the cocky jock. Don’t be a dick, James thought inwardly.

Regulus smirked cynically and said, “I don’t want there to be any confusion. If we were to enter some sort of dynamic, I can’t offer anything more than that. I know I said it before, but I really don’t think I’m cut out to be in any sort of relationship.”

James let out a breath. He knew this from the start. And it was never his intention to start a relationship…Maybe he should just say that. 

“Honestly, I don’t know if I’m relationship material either,” James said. “At least, no one has wanted to stick around before, so I’m not under any sort of delusions here.”

Regulus’s brow furrowed, and it looked like he was going to counter that, but James really couldn’t take any pity, so he continued. “But, if you’re interested in playing, I’d like that.”

Plain. Simple. Maybe that would be fine.

Regulus swallowed and nodded, seriously. James’s heart swelled. At least Regulus took him seriously. 

“Alright, why don’t we sleep on it and decide in a couple days,” Regulus said, talking like this was a business venture now. 

“Sure,” James gave him a soft smile. “You’ve got my number.”

Regulus nodded, still not smiling. 

James gave him a nod and exited the building, heading straight for Lily and Mary’s. 

Chapter Text

*

Regulus

*

August

The lingering summer breeze was warm and carried a smell of gasoline and the subway under his feet as Regulus walked the city streets to meet his brother. It had been three weeks since Sirius had finished a two month long murder trial. Almost three months since he’d seen James Potter. 

Sirius had been sequestered and away from his husband, and the bag that James had given him at the beginning of the summer had sat in his closet, collecting dust. The very second that Sirius had finished the case and left his hotel, he was calling Regulus and begging for his wedding photos. He’d apparently already been given the digital copies, but he wanted to wait to even look at them, so he could relive the whole day through the official “James Potter” album. If anyone asked, Regulus would say something along the lines of “You’re an idiot. Just look at your photos.” But secretly, he thought the official album was something so endearing and opulent that he didn’t blame his brother.

Regulus did complain about it, however.

Sirius Black, a man who loves an event, had insisted they do an entire brunch and “make a day out of it.”

And here Regulus had assumed all the wedding craziness would’ve died down with the actual wedding. 

The place that Sirius had chosen to meet was lovely. It was a gorgeous hotel that had a small, cozy restaurant in the lobby. A patio sat outside sets of French doors, with an awning that provided decent shade. There were fresh flowers and vines crawling up the walls, a sweet honeysuckle smell greeting him as he stepped up to the concierge and gave his name. 

“Reggie!” Sirius called, bounding over to him and wrapping him up in a tight embrace, a kiss on both cheeks. “How is my most favorite brother of all time?”

“I’m your only brother,” Regulus deadpanned. 

“And I am your beautiful, most handsome and intelligent brother of all time, yes you’re so right! And here I thought you’d forgotten me altogether,” Sirius said with a pout. “No letters? No phone calls?!”

“It was two months, Sirius.”

“Two whole months! I can’t believe I haven’t seen Remus yet. How have I been allowed to live like this for so long?”

Regulus sighed. “Please, don’t start.”

“Reggie, I have needs! And I’ve been going without for far too long!” Sirius sighed dramatically and practically fell into the seat at the table they’d been directed to.

“You’ll literally see him tonight,” Regulus said, remembering that Remus finished his work in LA and was returning home to his husband that evening. 

“Far too long, Regulus. Once you have a husband, you’ll understand,” Sirius said, sagely.

“Eat a dick, Sirius.”

“Oh, I intend to,” he winked. 

Regulus gave a dramatic frown back to him, gaze cutting. Gracefully, Sirius changed topics.

“So? Where are my photos? Let me see!”

“Mmm,” Regulus said blandly, looking up to the skyscrapers that surrounded them. “I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about.”

“Regulus Arcturus Black! If you withhold those photos from me for one more second, I will rip your tongue right out of your mouth.”

Regulus snorted. 

“Here, you prick. And a ‘thank you’ would be nice,” Regulus said, handing over the canvas tote.

Sirius definitely did not hear him because he began actually squealing and jumping in his seat. He tore into the bag like it was a Christmas present, and when the server arrived to take their order, Regulus asked for mimosas and whatever snackable foods were available. By the time their drinks and food arrived, Sirius was sobbing and laughing and looking a right mess. He grabbed at the strawberries and grapes and cheese and crackers, and Regulus wondered if his brother was even tasting the food at all. 

“These are amazing,” Sirius said when he could finally make coherent sentences again. 

“Aren’t they?”

“Like, I know I’m beautiful but—”

“Debatable.”

“Rude, Reggie! Rude!”

“But?” Regulus motioned for him to continue. 

“But,” Sirius said. “These are like…magical. I don’t know how to express how amazing these are. James Potter must have bewitched these photos or something.”

“He certainly bewitched something,” Regulus mumbled into his champagne flute. Sirius shut the photo book with dramatic flair.

“What?” Sirius looked at him, that stupid brotherly protector-mode radar thing pinging.

Regulus tried to shake him off, but Sirius grabbed his hand.

“Ew, release me,” Regulus scoffed, pulling his hand. 

“What did you mean? About James?”

Regulus sighed. Better say this now then have the inevitable, drawn out conversation. 

“Well, I fancied him,” Regulus said. 

“Fancied? As in past tense?”

“Mmm,” Regulus replied, neither confirming nor denying. 

“Wait, what happened while we were away? Did you meet up with him?” Sirius was invested now. Nothing like emotional drama to capture his attention. 

“I met up with him to get your photos, and we, erm, hit it off,” Regulus said. “But, it’s nothing. He’s too young for me.”

“You’re the same age!”

“Yes, well,” Regulus frowned. 

“What happened?”

Regulus wanted to huff petulantly and be a brat and tell his brother to fuck off; instead, he just downed his champagne—because let’s be honest, he’d forgone the orange juice about three glasses ago.

“Well, I guess I tried to start up a casual thing with him, but it was clear he wanted more.”

“And that’s a bad thing?”

“No, Sirius, because I am certainly a well adjusted bachelor ready for the chapel bells. In fact, let’s go now,” Regulus cut.

“You are such a dick. Where in the world did you pick that up? Because we certainly could not be related,” Sirius mocked. 

“You’re correct. We are strangers,” Regulus said dryly. 

Sirius hit him in the shoulder like he did when they were kids, punctuating his words with the weak hits. 

“What! Happened?!” Sirius was frowning now. “And don’t say something stupid and self deprecating. You know I won’t buy that bullshit.”

Regulus sighed again. 

“Siri, you know I’m not…I don’t date well,” Regulus said, tugging at his shirtsleeves and feeling altogether very uncomfortable. 

“That’s because you don’t try! You push people away before they get close—”

“And?”

“And!” Sirius paused. “And that’s dumb!”

“Good one,” Regulus scoffed, a smirk finding his lips. 

“You haven’t even tried,” Sirius said softly, after a moment. 

Regulus felt the familiar scowl tug his face down. He had tried, though. He’d tried many times! Once for real with Avery, but after that…well, maybe Sirius had a point. 

“Did you tell James you fancied him?”

“In so many words,” Regulus said, studying his glass.

“In Regulus Black words, or actual human-being words?”

“Well, if taking him to a kink class, then bringing him home to dominate him, and then falling asleep in his arms is ‘human-being words’, well, then yes. I did.”

Sirius gaped at him.

Regulus almost wanted to feel smug at his dumbstruck face, but then Sirius whooshed out a response.

“You’re doing kink again.”

Regulus shifted. Normal brothers probably didn’t talk about their sex lives with one another. But for some reason, Regulus had never kept his sexual identity or preferences from Sirius. Maybe they were just weird in that way. 

Sirius had watched Regulus go through puberty. He’d been there when he figured out he liked boys over girls. He’d helped him through his first breakups. And when Regulus confided in him that he thought he was into BDSM, Sirius had never judged him. Whatever Sirius and Remus did in their bedroom, that was none of Regulus’s business in the slightest. However, watching Remus care and nurture Sirius into a sexually confident and satisfied person made Regulus want that for himself. He wanted to find someone that he could share everything with, and the soft, scary parts of Regulus’s heart were where kink lived. And, when Regulus told Sirius for the first time, two months later, Sirius had gifted him his first pair of handcuffs as a gag gift on his twenty-first birthday. 

Sirius had also watched Regulus put kink behind him and live a lie for four years.

“Yeah, I’m doing kink again,” Regulus murmured. It wasn’t true. Not really.

“Why do I feel like you’re not telling me everything?”

“Because I’m not really doing anything different than before. I’m still working at the hospital. I still see Avery every day. And despite what I want to be doing, I can’t move on so easily.”

“Oh,” Sirius frowned. “I didn’t realize he was still…around.”

Regulus sighed and looked away. 

“But, it seems like things went well with James?”

Regulus looked back at Sirius and said, “They did. The scene, well, I won’t go into it—”

“Please don’t,” Sirius chirped.

“But,” he continued. “It was perfect. James was…he was so perfect. Everything I’d been missing…”

Sirius blinked, probably stunned by Regulus’s honesty. Without the quips and snark, Regulus was just…laid bare. 

“And then we had this moment afterwards…and then we fell asleep together,” Regulus went on. “I don’t do that, Sirius. Any time I’ve ever played before, even the few times with Avery, the play was completely separate from anything else. Most of my play partners from when I was in med school were passing flings, no strings attached. Then Avery…He was different of course.”

“And with James?”

“It got messy,” Regulus whispered. 

Sirius moved to grab at Regulus’s hand, but he pulled away. Sirius might have needed physical touch when he was feeling vulnerable, but Regulus certainly did not. 

He just…couldn’t get James’s expression out of his mind: that barely concealed sadness, the insecurity, the desperation for something Regulus couldn’t give him. He did not want to be the person to make James feel anything other than bliss.

“It’s over now though,” Regulus coughed, hands in his lap. “I never called him, and it's been three months now. I’m positive that ship has sailed.”

Sirius hummed and was quiet for a moment before replying. 

“You should try anyway.”

*

James

*

2 months ago - June

It’s amazing what graduating from virginity can do for a person’s self worth. Or did it count? What James and Regulus did? Was he still technically a virgin? Did it matter? James walked the city streets, to and from his photo engagements and meetings with his head held high, even if his heart was still eagerly awaiting Regulus’s message. After two weeks of furiously wanking at the memories of his one night with Regulus, James decided enough was enough. (Lily and Mary were starting to get irritated with him talking and whining about it too). 

James opened his dating apps again. 

It was a horrible reminder of everything he hated about the internet—he didn’t really hate the internet, it was just that online dating sucked so much. James was a bit dense when it came to understanding the vibe of a person over text without some sort of emotional indicator, too, so after messaging strangers back in his early twenties and getting nothing but weirdos and a lot of ghosting, he quickly gave up. He was still on a casual hockey team back then, so he opted to just wait for his time to shine with a puck bunny, or maybe find a teammate he could trade mutually beneficial blowjobs with. 

That was what he told himself, at least. In reality, he spent his time at the rink after practice watching the pretty figure skaters and wondering what it would be like photographing those lithe bodies as they writhed with pleasure. It didn’t help that he had a sort of fetish for tight clothing. (He wouldn’t learn about that until many years later, though).

He sighed, thumbing through his dating apps, trying to put away the lingering lonely thoughts that had plagued him back then.

James was more knowledgeable now, at least about his own preferences and sexuality in general. Before, he’d been afraid to check the “bisexual” box on his profile. He had been too shy about his body to give anything to appraise in his profile pictures. He hadn’t wanted to presume that anyone wanted him for anything more than someone to pay for a date. 

This time, James took a picture of just his abs, his hand tugging up a white t-shirt that highlighted his tan. He selected that he was interested in men, women, and non-binary folks, and he didn’t even hesitate at the trans section. If a person transitioned, that would slot them into the “man” or “woman” section, right? It was all great to James. Parts were parts and James, honest to god, wanted his tongue on them all. 

Grindr had given him more love than the others, probably because of the “open to sex” option. 

Let’s be honest. After Regulus had awakened this thing in him, James was getting a little annoyed with himself being so shy and bashful about it all. Sex didn’t have to be so serious, and he no longer felt the need to clarify he was a virgin anymore—semantics be damned. 

Kink on the other hand…

James didn’t think about that. Though, in the back of his mind, he was constantly searching for any sort of indication that would clue him into whether the stranger on the other end was into kink. It seemed James was just as dense as he’d always been, however, because he could never actually get a read on the other person. He certainly didn’t think it was appropriate to come right out and ask, “would you be interested in tying me up and spanking me til my ass is raw?”

After several days of messaging (and yes, a lot of ghosting which James tried not to let get to him), he was chatting with two guys and one girl. The girl was named Dorcas, and she seemed exceptionally lovely. She reminded him of Lily a bit, and wondered often as they messaged if her “Straight” marker was true. He, of course, didn’t press her on it. That would be rude, right? He also had a shit gay-dar, so maybe he was just off about that one.

Then, there were the other two men. One was a larger man, taller and probably more handsome than James was, with blonde-ish hair and a little bit of a yacht-flair style, but he seemed fun and they set a date to have drinks a few days later. The other man was striking, and honestly quite intense, with a long face, long black hair and a straight, pointed nose. His eyes were black and cat-eyed, and though he hadn’t posted many photos on his profile, James could tell he was thin and model-like. 

He tried not to think about Regulus as they messaged. 

To cut a long story extremely short, James did not see himself dating any of them, much less sleeping with them. 

After two outings with Dorcas, and an extremely awkward conversation about sex and some very tame kinks, they both seemed in unspoken agreement that men were not on the roster for her, sexually speaking. James tried not to feel proud of his gay-dar, and instead made a quick move towards friendship with her. He offered to take her to meet Lily and Mary when they said goodnight. Hopefully, they wouldn’t have to say goodbye forever. It was too damn difficult to make friends in your thirties to pass up such rare platonic chemistry. 

The black-haired man, named Severus, was absolutely the worst. Well, not really, but James just could not see himself having a conversation with him that didn’t make him feel like they were kids on a playground with James being a big bully. They parted ways not even thirty minutes into their “date,” even though Severus was beautiful, strictly speaking. James just wasn’t into him.

The blonde guy, however, was interesting. Frank Longbottom had grown up only streets away from James, and somehow, they’d been within 50 miles of one another their whole lives. He was easy to talk to, and when they set a date, James actually felt curious, eager and confident. As he fussed about what to wear, he tried not to think about the last time he’d been excited for an outing (Severus did not count). He tried not to think about all the ways Frank was different from the raven-haired man lingering in the back of his mind. He really tried not to think about what it might look like to be on his knees for this new person, when he really just wanted Regulus to text him. 

He tried not to think about how this whole dating-apps exercise was just a distraction from the fact that Regulus still hadn’t called…

“James, lovely to meet you, finally,” Frank said, blonde hair a bit browner in the evening light. 

“Likewise,” James said and shook the man’s outstretched hand. 

They entered a bar, which was more like a restaurant without any actual food dishes, and were seated at a high top table that felt a lot more private than James was expecting. The place was very fancy…Was this even something he could afford? 

“Sorry about the wait and all that,” Frank said, referencing their trouble finding a time for a date. “It’s been a crazy couple of weeks at the office.”

“Oh, where did you say you worked again?” James said. 

“I work for the government, actually,” he said. 

James practically tuned out after that. He gave a few well-placed “mhm”s and “oh, I see”s to keep the ball rolling, but what James really wanted to figure out was if he and Frank were going to be sexually compatible. Call him hyperfixated, but sex was really on James’ brain.

“She’s my boss, though, so I can’t really go against her,” Frank was saying, something about long hours.

“Sorry, what did you say her name was? Your boss?” James asked, curious about the way Frank’s eyes were all lit up.

“It’s Alice,” Frank said, a flush deepening the color of his cheeks. There it was. Of course, Frank was interested in someone else. 

James wondered idly if everyone dated just to distract themselves from someone else. Was Frank only here, only on the apps, to distract himself from being unable to date his boss?

“Sounds like your boss likes keeping you around,” James teased with a laugh. Frank’s blush deepened. 

“Well, let’s just say, if I wasn’t under her…”

James laughed at the innuendo. Finally, some sex talk. 

“Listen, not to be awkward, but why haven’t you asked her out? And don't say it’s because she’s your boss. We live in a world full of workplace romances.”

Frank scratched the back of his neck, smiling bashfully like he’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. 

“She’s lovely, James, I’m just not sure she would be interested in me like that,” Frank said. 

“You should try,” James replied. “Shoot your shot, man!”

Frank laughed. “And here I thought you were interested in…ya know, being ‘under me.’”

James flushed and grinned at him. “It’s tempting, but I’m not sure I’m cut out for casual dating, or any of that.”

“Why’s that?”

With a scrutinizing gaze, James took a chance and asked, “Well, I guess I’ve got nothing to lose…Let me ask you this.”

Frank leaned forward on his forearms, their drinks untouched. 

“Have you ever…erm,” James tried to phrase this delicately. “Have you ever tried anything more risky in the bedroom?”

Frank’s brows pinched in confusion. “Like, different positions?”

James swallowed, “No, more like…fantasies?”

“Oh,” he said. “Well, sure, I guess. Doesn’t everyone?”

James wanted to beam. Regulus had made it seem like being in the Kink community was rather limited. Maybe he’d been wrong? He did say he hadn’t played with anyone in several years. 

“I’m not sure, I’m new to all this kink stuff,” James said, taking a breath to continue, but then Frank interjected.

“Kink? As in like…” Frank looked around then whispered. “S&M?”

“Yeah, that,” James said, his heart pounding suddenly. 

“Oh, no, I don’t mess around with all that weird stuff,” Frank said with a laugh.

James’ heart sank to the pit of his stomach. He felt a little light headed when the man continued.

“No, I think that stuff is all way too wild for me. I couldn’t even spank my ex-wife. Even the thought of it grossed me out.”

“Not even if she asked for it?” James mumbled, grabbing at his drink immediately.

“She did. Often, too,” Frank admitted. “I just couldn’t do that to her. It felt too much like I was hurting her. Like abusive and all that. I couldn’t.”

James nodded and tried to keep his emotions off of his face for the rest of the evening. By the end, they’d moved back into safe topics—sports, music, and when Frank brought up Alice again, James made it very obvious that he should ask her out. He also made it clear that he would not be interested in a second date with the man, though they should be friends. 

He tried not to feel those sticky, vulnerable feelings in his chest as he walked home, a little drunk, and a whole lot more disheartened than before. 

Little did he know that for the next two months, he would hear those words ringing in the back of his mind every time he tried thinking about kink, until he was burned out and ashamed. 

That weird stuff. Grossed me out. Abusive.

James knew in his mind that those words weren’t right. Because everything he’d felt in Regulus’s spare bedroom felt magical, like he’d been safe, protected, and valued. Like Regulus had seen him, seen what he had needed, and was able to work it into something that he’d never expected.

But, if it had been so magical and beautiful…then, why hadn’t Regulus called? 

*

August

I know you wanna distance yourself from me

The head is only a dangerous dead weight

I’m cauterizing the veins you lacerate

In the end, you took it all away from me

This was so stupid.

James was being exceptionally stupid. 

It was a friday night before an all day wedding, which should mean an evening in, prepping his camera gear and charging his batteries. He should be climbing into bed and curling up next to his cat and listening to pretty piano music to fall asleep.

But, no.

Instead of following his carefully curated pre-wedding routine, he stood in the middle of an honest-to-goodness sex dungeon. 

Or was it a sex club?

Or was it just a regular club, and James just didn’t know what the fuck he was talking about?

The space was smaller than the rope-class place, and there was no nice woman giving out nametags. This place was serving alcohol, and there was the distinct smell of weed. James had also already seen that tell-tale light coat of dust in the bathrooms. Music thrashed through shitty speakers, way too loud for the tiny space, making his chest feel like it was about to split apart. There were blissed out bodies in the corners, whose eyes watched the fingers of people with lit up gloves as they wiggled around. It was almost like they were casting a spell on them. 

I keep it hundred in case you twist your blade

I cut you out because I don't think that I'm sick

Be still your heart, and do not resuscitate

In the end, you took it all away from me

James felt loose and dumb, the remnants of his last preroll still aching in his lungs. His eyes were glazed and he had trouble keeping them open, but the shock of the bassline ripped through him making him bop around on the dance floor like he was a puppet trussed up on marionette strings. His glasses sat too far down his nose, the ear pieces doing the Lord’s work keeping the frames from falling. He felt sweaty and sticky, and not at all the way he felt when he’d been at the kink club from before. With Regulus. 

You love to set my life on fire

Feel it burning in my veins

What the fuck was he doing out here? He was thirty, for fuck’s sake. He was supposed to work at eight in the morning and be on his feet all day for a wedding, only about six hours from now. He wasn’t supposed to be out here, looking for something…he didn’t even know what he was looking for. 

Now it's getting hard to be

Stuck inside your heart

While you’re tearing out my arteries. 

James felt the crowd pass his body around like the dancefloor owned it. Limbs wrapped around him, and he felt lips press to his ear, words garbled by the buzz. He had no idea what they were saying. Strangers were making passes at him, inviting him to the back where there were holes in the wall and half naked bodies writhing in pleasure. He just rolled away with the beat and ignored everything. 

Maybe once, James would’ve found it enticing, the casual giving of bodies.

But the summer had burned out his desire for kink and replaced it with bitterness. Maybe in some sort of sick way, using one of the gloryholes would be fitting. Let him be a tool, a toy, just like he wanted before—when he was on his knees for that pale pretty prince. 

No, that part of his life had been snuffed out, he thought, and he really had no idea why he was out that night. Call it self deprecation; call it a cry for help. James had left Lily’s after smoking way too much and eating a whole pizza by himself before wandering the streets and squinting at his maps app with the search “Sex Club” on it. Who knew there was this kind of place only three blocks from Lily and Mary’s?

A gaggle of women squealed and cheered as he spotted what looked like a wedding party burst through the doors and straight to the bar. James scowled and forced himself to ignore the way his loneliness shot through him like a bullet. 

That night, after James had left Regulus’s house those three months ago, he’d gone to Lily’s and told her everything. She’d been shocked, naturally, but was excited for him. They’d smoked and giggled at the prospect of James becoming some sort of sex savant. The promise of another hook up, of another scene. Lily’d asked a million questions, about the rope stuff, about the submission. Her face had scrunched up when James had told her how much he enjoyed feeling powerless, how he’d felt precious in Regulus’s hands. 

She asked him about Regulus, of course. James had described him aptly as “brooding, tall and model-like.”

She said, “So, like a tall kinky twink?”

James had laughed at that. Sure. Regulus was kind of like a tall twink. He was beautiful, with long, lissome limbs and this svelte skin that had James aching to run his tongue all over his body. In his dreams, he’d run his calloused hands over Regulus’s back, counting the knobs of his spine while he mouthed at the curve of his neck. Regulus’s voice would pitch high and whiny, begging to sink down onto James’s cock. Those dreams would swirl into a chaotic combination of tender love making and crippling kinky fucking. James wanted to suck on Regulus’s neck, fuck into him slow and steady, while Regulus yanked on a leash and made him wait to come until he did first. James had dreamed of his slender cock in his mouth again, in his ass, rutting against his own, slick and wet and flooded with heat. 

This is a nightmare

Everyone’s staring, I swear.

I think they know, I think they know, I think they know

James felt a hand press into his abs and slide dangerously low towards his waistband. He looked up to find a pale and disheveled man with black eyes staring back at him. James sort of recognized the man, but it wasn’t at all who he desperately wanted it to be. 

“Don’t I know you?” the guy said, a ring dangling from his lip. James spotted and recognized several tattoos and wondered if maybe they did know one another. 

He drew back—the guy was still touching him—as far as the crowd would allow, and said, “I don’t think so?”

“No, no I do! You were at my demonstration!”

“Erm,” James dithered, pushing his glasses higher on his nose, as if that would help him recognize the man. 

“Barty,” the guy said, sticking out a hand. 

“Oh, I’m James,” he said, brain locking in and remembering the rope demonstration he’d attended with Regulus. He took the outstretched hand and shook.

“What’re you doin’ out here? Thought you were with that delicious lookin’ dom?”

“We weren’t…that is, we aren’t…” James fumbled. 

“Not together anymore?”

“More like, we weren’t ever together.” James frowned, familiar shame curling deep in his gut. 

I don’t belong here

Everyone’s staring, I swear

What do they know?

Do they know why I feel so alone?

“Nah, I don’t buy that in the slightest. Guy couldn’t keep ‘is eyes off ya,” Barty laughed a shrill cackle laugh. “Shame if you fumbled that one. Guy was fine as fuck.”

James felt sudden anger spike through him. “Me? Why the fuck do you think I’m the one who fumbled it?”

“Come on, mate. You’re so green,” Barty chuckled and lolled his lidded eyes to him. He gave him a slow once-over, drinking in James like he was sugar. 

James grimaced. “Fuck off.”

Barty laughed heartily again. 

The voices on the radio are talking to me

I think the voices on the radio are talking to me

I swear the voices on the radio are talking to me

Oh God, the voices in my head are taking over me!

James wanted to hit this guy. 

“Listen, we all start somewhere, bro. I’m impressed someone like you even made it out to a club at all. Even if it was that one,” Barty said, picking at his blacked fingernails like he was bored.

Someone like him? A club like that one? Where the fuck did this guy get off?

“What the fuck does that mean?,” James said, heat rising in his cheeks like he was being bullied. 

Barty looked down to take in James’ Sperry’s, plain jeans, and fitted white t-shirt as if to say, “Seriously?”

“And what was wrong with that club? You obviously must’ve thought it was fine since you guys did your demo there?” James spit out.

Barty gave a heavy eye roll, and James noticed an eyebrow piercing glint in the stage lights. “That club’s for pussies, mate. Only reason I was there was because Evan wanted to.”

Evan was the dom, James suddenly remembered. 

“Evan’s your dom?” he ventured, feeling alarm bells ring in the back of his head. 

“Keep his name out your fucking mouth,” Barty flipped like a switch. 

“Oh?” James smirked. “Feelin’ a little possessive are we?”

Barty looked insane, and James felt like his old self for a brief minute. The prankster, the bully, the hockey jock that gave no shits and took what he wanted. He felt brazen and devilish and hot. He smiled and looked at the guy over the top of his glasses.

“What’s the matter, Bart? Don’t want someone like me to snatch up your guy?”

The punch came out of nowhere, and the pain was delayed. James stumbled backwards, feeling his nose snap like it was made of glass. He spat on the ground and the crowd quickly stood between them, holding back Barty, who looked like a savage. James laughed like a maniac and slid his glasses off, seeing a large crack fissured through the left lens. 

“If I see you again,” Barty hissed. 

“Better watch yourself, then,” James taunted, brazen and arrogant.

He wiped his nose, skin sticky with blood, turned on his heel and let the bouncers throw him out of the club. Giggles bubbled through him like champagne, and he thrilled at the pain that spread over his face.  When he got back to his tiny flat, he took one look in the scuffed mirror and felt his gut swoop. Blood lingered on his face, his lips, and the pain and weed and dull ache in his legs had his vision swirling deliciously. He didn’t even realize he was hard until he was leaning against his arm in the shower, stroking himself fast toward the edge.

And when he was finished and woozy from the shower’s heat, he toweled off, grabbed his phone, and sent a risky text he would regret in the morning. 

*

Regulus

*

Regulus stretched down to his toes, feeling the burn in his thighs. Hours upon hours on his feet, his head nowhere near as clear as it should be given his occupation, and with an energy drink fizzing through his veins, Regulus was starting to regret having a brother at all. 

Sirius had texted him no less than fifteen times that week. Mostly random things, the same things he would send whenever he had a lack of work to do, but this week had a singular focus. Regulus wondered if he would be committed for murder if he choked his brother to death. 

When are you going to see James again?

Look, I found his socials! He has my photo pinned to the top of his portfolio :D 

Did you know that oysters are an aphrodisiac? I’ll send them to James’s house for you.

Regggggiiieeeeeee—

Regulus turned his phone off after the third consecutive text that day. You knew it was bad when he even received a curious text from Remus asking, “Why is Sirius so obsessed with our wedding photographer?”

The ICU was thankfully not as dire as it could have been that evening. A good number of his patients had been downgraded to the general medical floors, and the ones who remained were all stable, so most of his evening was spent waiting for the call to admit a patient who was supposedly being transferred from an outside hospital. As soon as his rounds were finished and he knew his nurses were set up for the time being, Regulus high tailed it to the small gym, landing firmly on the woodpanels of the yoga studio.

He felt his breath, like he was supposed to, move in and out of his lungs as he deepened the stretch. He reached around and let his torso fall forward, his head to his knees. Grabbing lightly around his bare feet, he felt his bones like they were made of sandpaper. He felt too thin and the lack of muscle was low-key driving him insane, despite the fact that he was eating the lion’s share of his meals. He just didn’t get enough to eat for how much he was dashing around this damn hospital. 

His mind was moving at a million miles an hour, his body not settling the way he wanted to. He could focus on his breath as much as he wanted, but his heart and brain were not in sync. Brain too full, stomach too empty, body too busy. He felt like a live wire, with energy glitching through his nerves like a current. He clenched his hands around his bony feet as tight as they could go, the ache turning more severe and he counted to ten. When he sat back up, his hands felt warmer, and his cheeks flushed a little deeper. 

This was a routine he’d perfected while doing his fellowship. 

Every moment that was spent with Avery that Regulus wanted to have him under his control, was a moment too many for how few Avery let him do such a thing. Regulus had wanted to mark up his skin, wanted to tie him up and fuck him senseless, wanted…he just wanted so much more than he was afforded. And, for all the effort Regulus put into trying to be the perfect partner to him, he ended up buzzing with excess energy that he had no way of exercising. 

Sirius had joked, at the time, that he should take up a sport. For how often Regulus was at the gym, or considering buying a motorcycle, or randomly breaking things, Sirius had picked up on the vibe pretty quick and offered a solution. Regulus joined the hospital’s soccer team briefly before realizing that team sports didn’t do much to quell his energy. Instead, he quickly realized his error—and dreaming of your teammates choking on a gag was certainly not the way to work out one’s kinks. 

Regulus purposefully pinched the insides of his arms, hissing at the sharp sting. His nails were getting too long. 

He stood to go through the motions of a traditional vinyasa flow, trying to get his heart rate up and steady, but it did little help to quiet his mind. When his brow was starting to sweat and his breaths were a bit deeper than before, his phone pinged in his sweater. 

Regulus dropped the pose without any finesse and scowled to go pick up his phone from the floor, predicting his needed presence back in the ICU. He clicked to see his notifications.

James Potter 2:31AM

Next time, I want the cane. 

Regulus’s heart slammed into his throat. Wow, so much for relaxing yoga. 

Not even two seconds later, another message came through. 

I’m not scared of you ;)

A positively wicked smile grew on Regulus’s face, and honeyed heat pooled low in his gut.

Chapter Text

Lost in limerence

I'm lost in limerence

Don't you see what I've done

Lost my innocence

Now I'm lost in limerence

Guess that's falling in love

*

James

*

The morning after his risky club outing was slow, stiff, and very much too bright. His head ached, though not with the tell tale signs of a hangover, but a deep dull throbbing that radiated from the center of his face. James remembered everything from the night before with detailed clarity, sort of like looking through a picture book with crystal clear photographs—the way he always remembered his stoned antics: the smell of humid city in his nose, the thrum of bass in his chest, the holes in the bathroom stalls, Barty's dark hair and lip ring, his nose gushing inky blood under the never ending city lights as he stumbled home. Sending messages to the raven-haired man that lingered in his dreams…

James rushed through getting ready and grabbing all of his gear, annoyed that his phone had zero new messages, avoiding the mirror until the last second. He knew he was going to have to face the clear evidence of his previous night. His mind spun a story to tell his clients, though his brain was sluggish, and he kept having to backtrack. When he caught his reflection in his bathroom mirror, he audibly gasped. He dropped his pack gently on the ground, keeping his eyes fixed on his reflection.

In the middle of his face was a purplish bruise, going red, yellow, green, out from the center. In the light streaming in from the outside, his irises looked especially green, way more so than they usually did—typically a soft gold-green brown. The bloom of blood under the skin at his nose made him look like a swirl of color and life. Like Barty had punched the light back into him somehow. Reminded him of something he'd lost over the summer.

It was stupid how much a bruise could awaken his body—more than the shitty coffee he’d made. 

His brain jump started and ran at a million miles an hour, thoughts jumbling with ideas and questions and visions of himself. What would these kinds of bruises look like on other places on his body? Would his eyes light up for those too? Would his heart race like it was now?

He kept his eyes on his reflection with morbid curiosity, watching as his fingers reached up to press into his nose, letting out a wet breath when the pain focused under the touch. Swirls of sensation made James curl into himself, gripping the sink to keep him upright. He shouldn’t be aroused by the pain of an almost-broken nose. And he wasn’t, not really. The pain itself was just pain, it just was. What had his cock stirring in his pants and his heart thudding fast in his throat was the idea of it all. Pushing pain for the sake of pleasure, peddling pin pricks for the luscious arousing aftercare. The idea of someone driving him to the heights of pain, with sensual rapture to match. 

Or maybe he was just turned on by the pain.

He wondered idly if it was all very problematic, those shameful thoughts pinging behind his eyelids as he tiptoed his fingers around the edges of the bruise. He tried to ignore them this time, focusing on how his own body responded to the push of pain into pleasure.

When it all became apparent, that even just this was enough, he pulled his hand away from his face, away from where he was palming his cock, and took a steadying breath. He needed to focus on his job today.

A few hours at work behind the viewfinder of his camera had him feeling several other things, however. Annoyance. Irritation. A flare of overstimulation. His nose kept bumping painfully into his camera, making him wince almost every time he went to take a photo, and his body did not enjoy that one bit. By lunchtime, he opted to use his LCD screen to preview the photos as he worked instead of the built-in viewfinder. He hated the weight of the camera in his two hands, without his face acting as a third point of stability for his heavy camera, but he couldn’t stand how annoyed he’d become at his aching nose. 

What in the world had he been thinking last night?

Going to a club was rare for him in the first place, especially in the last few years. Before COVID, he supposed he frequented bars and clubs more often with Lily and Mary and some of his old friends from his hockey team. After COVID, though? He barely left his apartment. If it weren’t for his highly social job, he wouldn’t see many other people. Lily had commented once at how much of a hermit he’d become. Not like she could talk, James thought bitterly. She was in a happy relationship. Why the fuck would she need to go out and socialize? James sighed. He felt so stupid these days. He'd always been lonely. This wasn’t anything new. There was no reason to drag his friends down just so he wouldn't have to wallow alone. Whatever.

Needless to say, going out to a club that had highly questionable practices was very out of character for him. Baiting another guy into a fist fight, stumbling home and sending that text…It was all very old-James. Not the current 30-year-old-bashful-virgin James. The confidence he’d gained during the summer had vanished, and he was on his way back to his hermit-cat-dad self as summer was on its way to fall. He frowned; he didn’t really like that version of himself. He felt so…empty. So lackluster. He really missed the version of himself that was confident, charming, and cocky. 

James was already tired and his feet were starting to ache, which wasn't a good sign for only being halfway through the day. He had another several hours at this, and even though he loved it, today was just one of those days. He wished he had an energy drink and a cigarette, if he was being honest (James didn’t really smoke). As he was switching his SD cards and batteries in his camera and getting ready for the wedding ceremony, he found himself sequestered away for a minute to breathe while he changed. He was halfway through dressing when his phone started buzzing loudly on the dressing room counter. He reached for it, expecting it to be one of the wedding vendors, or the coordinator.

Incoming Call>>Regulus Black

His eyes went wide, and he dropped his slacks, grabbing at the phone with awkward, eager hands. He answered it without hesitation, brain halting when he realized he was answering the phone with his pants down.

“Ah—” he said into the phone, gesturing to himself like he was acting absurd. He quickly gave up on pulling up his pants and put his free hand on his hip, trousers around his ankles. “Erm, hello?”

A low chuckle rumbled and ran through James like a ghost. He quickly sat himself in the armchair and willed himself not to get a boner just from hearing the guy's voice.

“Hello, James.”

Well, there goes that plan.

“Hi,” James breathed, flush building on his cheeks.

“Is this a bad time?” Regulus asked, voice dark with humor.

“No!” James said, then stopped himself. “Well, actually, yes. I'm about to go do a wedding ceremony.”

“So, decidedly a bad time, then?” Regulus sounded smug.

“Well, yes, but…yes, okay, I'm just—”

“Aren't you just,” Regulus hummed. James grinned and felt like his head was bright as a tomato.

“I'm glad you called,” he settled on, finally. 

“Yes, well, I couldn't allow something so brazen to go unanswered for,” Regulus said, and James blanched. He didn’t think Regulus would bring up the text so soon.

“I, uh, yeah, I don't know where that came from,” he lied with a nervous laugh, very much knowing where that had come from.

“Should I venture a guess?”

James laughed again, more relaxed this time. Of course Regulus wouldn't buy his lie. He reached down to pull his pants up, desperately wishing he didn't have somewhere to be after all.

“Sure.”

“Drunk and horny?”

“No!” James was shocked. “Well, no to the first part, at least. I wasn’t drunk.”

“Well, that's very good. I would have hated being reduced down to a lapse in judgement,” Regulus said. James wondered where he was at the moment; he sounded very business-like.

Silence stretched between them, and James didn’t know what to say. Hadn't it been a lapse in judgement…?

“Why didn't you text me? Call me?” James mumbled, sounding pathetic to his own ears.

“An extremely regrettable mistake on my part, James,” Regulus said, his tone severe. James’ lips curled in a small, bashful smile. “One I mean to correct.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yes,” Regulus said definitively. 

“Well, I am very upset about it all,” James teased.

“Is that so?”

“Yeah, I've been so bored waiting around that I found other entertainment,” James said, surprising himself by…what? Going for jealousy?

It worked, though. Regulus was practically growling on the other end of the line.

“And should I know what ‘other entertainment’ entails?”

“Um,” James floundered. He forgot how bad he sucked at the flirting thing… So, he opted for honesty. “Well, to be honest, I went to a club last night and got the daylights punched out of me.”

“What?!”

That's probably not at all what Regulus had been expecting. James was not a smooth man, and just sort of, dumped it all on him all at once. The call hadn’t even lasted five minutes, but there he went, baring his soul.

“Yeah, and well, I really tried to forget about you, Regulus, but then last night happened, and I got off on the pain, and I just…”

“Yes?” Regulus sounded interested. Not pleased, but interested, if James were to guess.

“I… need you. I want you,” he whispered, palming the back of his neck. “I want the pain, and I want the sex. I can't fucking get it out of my head.”

Regulus chuckled at that, and James warmed at the sound. Maybe it wasn’t so crazy that he’d just said that.

“Tell me what happened last night,” Regulus said. 

James looked at the clock and saw he had five minutes before he wanted to be in the chapel.

“I want to tell you, fuck, I am really glad you called, but I have this wedding—”

“Later then, James,” he said, and James groaned. 

“Yeah, okay,” James said, but then he panicked. What if Regulus disappeared again? He wanted, needed, something definitive. “Can I call you tonight?”

“Of course.” Like it was a given…

“It might be after midnight,” James warned.

“I'll be up,” Regulus said, sounding like he was grinning.

“Okay,” James smiled. “Okay, yeah, I'll call, then.”

“Have a good wedding, James.”

“Yeah, you too,” James said, then hung up.

He sat, dazed and smiling, practically giddy at the way things were shaping up.

Then, he realized.

“Ah, shit!”

*

Regulus

*

The minute Regulus returned home after receiving James’s bratty text, he’d forgone all healthy habits in order to get his guest bedroom in play order. He forgot about breakfast, forgot about catching up on the sleep he lost over his night shift. He forgot to play everything safe, opting for throwing reason out the window. He needed to be able to play the way he wanted, with James, immediately. 

I’m not scared of you ;)

Fuck if that didn’t get every dom instinct growling in Regulus’s head. He hadn’t ever had the desire to find one of the vacant call rooms at the hospital to take care of a raging erection, but that night he almost had. If it weren’t for the nurses needing him, he would’ve stayed hidden all night, waiting for James to send more filthy texts. 

By the time lunchtime rolled around, Regulus had placed several furniture orders, and had a list of things to buy—shelves, hooks, and way too much from the hardware store. He was likely going to get a few questioning glances with the amount of carabiners, mounting screws, rope, and load bearing shelves he was going to be carting around. 

And he realized he hadn’t texted James back. 

He remedied that immediately by calling, which was likely a mistake, when he thought about it. He was tired, buzzing with energy, and was replaying way too many conjured images of James and canes to be having casual conversation. He couldn’t be trusted not to think very dirty things while listening to the man's voice.

As James spoke, sometimes that bashful thing he had going on, sometimes the hidden confident brat, sometimes exposedly insecure, Regulus had closed his eyes and pictured James in front of him. He’d reclined on his bed, where he’d had James’s arms around him only months ago. The imagined James knelt before him, a black eye blooming as he told him about his night, and what had prompted him to text in the first place. Regulus wanted to brush his thumb over his bruise.

“I got off to it.” “I need it. I want it.” “I fucking can’t get it out of my head.”

James…with a purpled bruise, blood trickling down his nose, slicking his teeth and tangling with his tongue. Smiling up at Regulus through thick lashed and hooded eyes…

Regulus reluctantly had to release James from their conversation when the time came, though he wanted more than anything to tell James to quit, right then and there, and come live with him forever. 

They hung up and Regulus could barely laugh at how silly James had ended the call—he was too worked up. The raw honesty in his voice had enspelled him into a right state. 

Regulus palmed at his ratty sweatpants, his cock hard and hungry, and he whispered a moan when the stimulation zipped up his spine and into his mouth. The tang of blood was almost palpable on his tongue, and he wished he could taste the metal of it along with how delicious James had tasted with his cum in his mouth. 

Fuck, Regulus hadn’t let himself think like this in so long. He wished he could have all of James—his tears, his cum, his blood, his sweat, his spit, his tears. What Regulus would do to have James choking on a gag, spit drooling out of his mouth and salty tears prickling at his eyes. Would James care if Regulus had split him open right there and feasted on every part of him? Ran the blade of a knife against his tawny skin and drank his blood deep and gluttonously? 

He took out his cock out of his sweats and let his fingers trail up and down his shaft with teasing ease. Lax, luxurious strokes, unhurried as he reveled in his imaginings. Reaching his free hand up his shirt and trailing the soft hair below his navel, he touched up his chest and found his nipple, giving it a sharp pinch. His mouth popped open in shock, his brows pinching in the middle as his eyes rolled back in his skull. The sharp pain shot through his chest down to his groin, and not for the first time, Regulus was thankful for his sensitive chest. What he would give to have James’s mouth on his nipples, James’s cock in his mouth, James’s tears on his tongue, James’s throat in his hands.

Visions of James’s mouth on his cock, pretty lips stretched wide as he took Regulus into his throat swirled like smoke in his mind. The thought about how James’s muscle was wrapped so nicely around his bones had Regulus considering switching to surgery so he could safely cut open James’s skin and crawl under it. Regulus’s mind zipped back and forth between visceral desire and gentle touches and vanilla sex so fast the visions started tangling together. Regulus thought about kissing him, claiming each part of his mouth with his tongue, and in the same space, he thought about wrapping his fingers around his throat and squeezing until he felt James’s throat clamp down on his cock. 

He blinked, taking in how outrageously hard his length was, straining as he teased himself. He reached his free hand down to tug at his balls and play close to his entrance, and he let his eyelids flutter shut again. 

Regulus wondered if he was imagining the confidence he’d heard in James’s voice just then. What if James really wasn’t as bashful and polite as he’d been at Sirius’s wedding? What if it was his professional mask, and that hidden-away brat was James’s true self? Would he still defer to Regulus’s control if he wasn’t actually submissive? He then thought about James’s history with hockey and wondered if he still played. Rugged jersey, thick muscles, cocky grins. He imagined a scenario where James had finished a game, smelling musky and dank with sweat. Maybe he’d gotten in a fight, maybe that black eye would bloom here too, blood on his face, wry grin at his lips. 

Regulus moaned and worked his cock, stroking faster and twisting at the tip. His eyes closed with a pinch as he slipped a finger into his hole, and he watched the visions play behind his eyelids. 

James would talk back, fight him a little bit, stoking Regulus’s fire and need for control perfectly. His eyes would hood and he’d smirk at Regulus, spitting blood to the side of Regulus’s shoe, where it should’ve felt demeaning. He’d taunt Regulus with words, maybe shove him a bit. Call him names. Be a bully. Gather himself up so his muscles strained against the jersey. It was all fine. Regulus would let him play the brat, let him work himself into a sense of victory. It didn’t matter. Let the brat rile himself up, all flushed and cocky. Better for Regulus when he got to shatter that confidence into blubbering, fucked out bliss.

Regulus would know exactly when to press into James’s space, feel him understand the hole he was digging for himself, and they would both shiver as Regulus grabbed his hair, squeezing his fist around the strands. James would wince with pain before an unbidden smile appeared on his face. Regulus would hiss instructions, or some gutting remark—“you done, darling?”—before twisting his curls and forcing him to his knees. 

“That the best you can do?” James would say, eyes wild.

He’d smile, taunting and dangerous, and he’d lick at his teeth, blood mixing on the pearly whites. 

“Sir?” He would say. 

He’d ask for it. And Regulus would give it to him. 

With a gasp, Regulus felt his cock kick, his hole clamp down on his finger, and white streams of cum shot out of him, over and over again. His eyes went wide, shocked at the orgasm ripping through him just to the imagination of James being a brat. The image of stereotypical cocky jock James begging for it had Regulus seizing in his bed from the overstimulation. He kept working his length, pleasure turning to pain as the aftershocks wore out. He kept himself writhing on the edge of fire for several moments before he finally gave out and ripped his hand away.

His breath sawed out of him in waves, and he blinked away black and white spots that had appeared in his vision. 

Regulus hadn’t come like that in ages. Not since James’s first scene, if he was honest with himself. He hadn’t let himself. The magical after effects he’d experienced back then—taking James in his arms, into the shower, letting warm water fall over the two of them, desperate to slot his lips into James’ and feel the slick sensation wash over them. They could move against one another, soap and cum lingering in their mouths, tasting one another on each other’s tongues. Cocks bumping and dripping with their ever present eagerness for more, more of each other, more and more and more, until they were inhabiting one another. Those after effects had been all encompassing and blotted out Regulus’ sense of reason back then. The way he felt now felt eerily similar, like he was drowning in his own desire.

His brain swam in the fuzzy numbness that floated through his body in waves. His cock softened at his hip, his free hand skirted over the rest of his body and arms, and his head fell into the space between his pillow and mattress. Regulus almost had the desire to keep touching himself silly to the idea of James rutting against him and into him, rocking him into a mindless place of hedonic pleasure. Regulus let his jaw drop, feeling the phantom press of lips to his neck, thinking James could be a lover and giver, and he wouldn’t even know yet. Regulus could be the one to pull that side of him out of the shadows. Would he let him? Would Regulus let himself go there with James?

In the heat of it all, Regulus had a finger, three knuckles deep, inside of himself, and he sighed as he easily found the spot inside that could make him feel like he was made of softened butter. He hadn't bottomed in ages, and only rarely would he allow it. Bottoming was something vulnerable and it required giving away a level of power that Regulus hadn’t been comfortable with. With James, he thought about all the ways he could do that for him without giving up his own power. But it occurred to him that maybe he could…maybe he could give it to James, to trust him.

He fingered himself languidly and without any sort of intention for buildup. He felt his body loosen and grow accustomed, remembering that this was the way he originally preferred to climax, back before heartache had changed him—his hole filled and his cock played with. 

His body swam in feelings and chemicals and when sleep pulled him under, he was powerless to fight it. James was there to greet him in his dreams, arms open and offering a lovely embrace.

*

James

*

James was beat. Legs aching, back about to give out, bleary eye beat. Back to back hockey games didn't have anything on a twelve plus hour day of photographing strangers, as far as he was concerned. Maybe it was just the fact that he had turned 30 this year that made him immediately consider that he was slowly dying. Clearly, his best years were behind him. Because why else would simply standing on his feet for twelve hours make him want to cry?

He got all the way home, unpacked, showered and got into bed before he let himself even think about Regulus. His face was freshly washed and he had donned his favorite PJs and socks before climbing in between the sheets, back to the wall. He fidgeted, folded his arms and legs, then unfolded them, bit his lip hard, then huffed and took a deep breath to try to get himself together.

He brought up the contact, and before he could let himself panic, he dialed.

“Good evening, James,” answered Regulus in his regular, steady voice. James had sort of expected him to sound tired. It was almost one in the morning, after all. 

“Hey,” James smiled. He felt so nervous; he tried to keep from babbling as he said. “Sorry it took me so long, the party went on forever and we had to do the fireworks pictures at the very end.”

“No problem.” Regulus sounded amused. “I assume everything went okay?”

“Oh, definitely. Got an amazing shot of the bride thrown over the groom’s shoulder, laughing as they went through the fireworks. I think that one will turn out really nice.”

“I believe it. Your photos are magical,” Regulus said casually.

“Thanks,” James blushed. He always hated getting compliments. “Um, how was your afternoon?”

“Pleasant. Very pleasant.”

James chuckled. “Wanna expand on that?”

“Well, I bought a lot of furniture and gear,” Regulus said, sounding like he wasn’t telling the full truth.

“Gear, like, for the room?” James hazarded a guess. 

“The very same,” he said. “I want it in tip top shape as soon as possible.”

James beamed, grinning like he’d won the lottery. He meant in shape for James, right?

“That being said,” Regulus continued. “I have some things I want to speak about.”

James’s heart started skipping headlong into double time. 

“Okay?” he said, sounding like a question. “What can I do for you?”

It was meant to sound like his usual polite manners, but as the words left his mouth, it sounded a little too close to an innuendo. He pinched his lips between his teeth to keep from saying anything else.

“Plenty, darling, but as of right now, I have one task I need you to complete,” Regulus said, a smile in his voice. “I sent over a document with a list of kinks and fetishes that I’d like you to look over and get back to me. You may remember from before—I told you I had a whole routine that I would do with potential subs, and well, we definitely skipped that part.”

James was nodding, mouth agape. Regulus was saying more consecutive words than he’d ever heard. 

He continued, “I think going out of order made me a bit anxious, and therefore made me hesitant and confused as to how to proceed.”

“You mean back at the beginning of the summer?” James asked. 

“Yes.”

“Oh,” James replied. “You don’t have to explain, Regulus, I’m not—“

“But I want to,” Regulus said, tone definitive. James smiled, oddly touched. 

“Alright.”

“I need to be clear about my intentions and boundaries before we get to know one another further,” he said. “I…I can’t…I need to keep our dynamic within a specific set of boundaries, James.”

“You’re saying you don’t want a relationship,” James grinned, taking a sick sort of pleasure in hearing Regulus fumble his words. 

“Well,” Regulus hesitated. “That’s correct. I don’t want a relationship.”

James nodded, his smile faltering a bit. He tried not to let that sting. 

“I understand,” James said.

“Do you?”

He didn’t know why Regulus was relationship-averse—he certainly had his guesses: his ex, his career, his childhood—but he’d been up front with him since the beginning. It wasn’t a shock, even if James had hoped for more. 

“Yeah, I get it,” he replied, trying to keep his emotions out of his voice. “You said all along that you’re in a weird place with relationships, and that you’re busy and stuff. I’m just…glad I get to spend time with you—figuring all this kink stuff out, I mean.”

“Thank you, James,” Regulus said, sounding like he was relieved. James pretended he didn’t hear that part of his tone. It wasn’t personal. Regulus just needed space and clear cut boundaries. That was perfectly understandable. Maybe one day Regulus would trust him enough to explain it all, but James would never ask or expect it of him.

“So, how exactly do you want to figure out your boundaries?”

“In the document, you’ll find my experiences, limits, and curiosities, most of which I’ve only included because I think you and I could find great success in those areas,” Regulus said. 

James’s brain stupidly scratched over the “you and I” part, and skipped right into jealousy.

“Are you saying you have other subs you’re doing those other areas with?” James felt the hot sting of anger tug at his heart. 

Regulus moved closer to his phone, sounding so real in James's ear, so near. “No, James. You’re it for me.”

It wasn’t supposed to be any sort of love declaration or anything like that, but James’s heart ached and sighed happily regardless. The release of angst within him was palpable, and he wanted to sink into the relief.

“Okay, thank you,” James murmured. “I don’t think…I don’t think I could do this if I knew you were seeing other people.”

“I mean it when I say I can’t have a relationship right now,” Regulus said. “For a whole lot of reasons…I can’t play with anyone but you. However, if you expressed some desire to open this up to—”

“No,” James interrupted. “No, thank you.”

Regulus chuckled warmly. “Alright then. This will stay between us.”

James let out a large breath full of repose and comfort, hoping he didn’t sound too needy. He resolved his own anxieties quickly—if Regulus could have his needs and boundaries out in the open, James could too.

“I suppose that means we can dispense of the condoms, then,” Regulus said offhandedly.

James’s belly swooped, eyes going wide, and a flush pricked heat at his neck.

“That said, you’ll need to be tested before we play next, and I’ll send you the results from my last test, which was only a week ago,” Regulus continued. James’ head was spinning. “You’ll go through the list and be sure to include anything you’re interested in if I somehow missed it?”

“Okay,” James breathed. His cock was nudging against his pajamas.

“Then, I’ll need you to put down potential playtimes, so I can draw up a schedule for us—”

“This is starting to sound like a contract,” James laughed. 

“It is, sort of,” Regulus smiled into the phone.

James snickered. “Isn’t that a little too 50 Shades of Gray?”

“Oh, please, no,” Regulus said, and James could practically see him rolling his eyes. 

“Oh, please, yes! Mr. CEO, come have your way with me,” James said dramatically. 

“James.”

He laughed as a shiver spread over his shoulders. 

“I promise I’ll take a look at it and send it back to you as soon as I can,” James said, smile becoming a permanent fixture. 

“Thank you, darling,” Regulus said. 

“No problem,” James said, hoping he wasn’t about to have to hang up. 

“Tell me about what happened last night,” Regulus purred. James’s body melted.

“Last night? Hm, I cannot seem to recall anything of note happening,” James teased, emulating a bad British accent.

“No? Well, I must have the wrong number then,” Regulus mused. “Seems I received a rather inciting text message from someone else, then.”

“No! No, okay, I give up. Shit, I’m bad at teasing,” James laughed. 

“Indeed. You should leave it to the professionals,” Regulus quipped. “There’s plenty of other things you’re good at.”

“Oh yeah? And what might those be?”

“Well, for starters, you’re an excellent listener,” he said.

“Uh-huh? And?”

“And a very obedient pet.”

“Pet?” James screwed his face up, but was giggling nonetheless.

“No? Not into the idea of pet play, James? You don’t want to wear a collar and stay in a crate for me, then?” Regulus was definitely smiling darkly on the other end.

“Now, if it's for you, then maybe,” James grinned. 

Regulus laughed, and James felt his heart sing a bit. 

“See? This is why you have to fill out the form without my help. Otherwise it’ll be biased.”

James shrugged and said, “I could probably live with that.”

“Yes, well, I wouldn’t like to do only the things that I want to do,” Regulus said.

“You’re such a giver, Regulus,” James poked.

“The most giving,” Regulus deadpanned. “Over and over and over—“

“Yeah, yeah, we get it,” James played along. “We all know you could fuck for days.”

“You don’t even know, darling.”

Fuck. James flopped onto his back and stared at the ceiling, grinning like mad. 

“Tell me what happened last night,” Regulus said, again, after a brief laugh. 

James took a steadying breath and regaled his experience at the club and his run-in with Barty. 

“From the ropes demonstration?”

“Yep, he recognized me. And I’m pretty sure he was alone. The place was a little…well, it wasn’t like the place you brought me,” James said. 

“I imagine it must’ve been a shock,” Regulus said, voice cautious all of a sudden. 

“Not necessarily—I’m not really sure why I was there in the first place, honestly,” he said. “I guess I was just…bored, or lonely, or something. But anyway, he was being a dick, so I said something about his dom, and he punched me.”

Regulus surprised him by barking a laugh. 

“Preying on innocent submissives, are we James?”

“I wasn’t trying to, but he was asking for it!”

“And here I thought you might’ve been a pushover,” Regulus hummed. “I’m glad to know you’re not…”

“What, spineless?”

“Not my choice of words, to be frank, but sure.”

“How would you have said it?” James asked.

“Let’s just say I’ve been daydreaming about you being a brat all afternoon,” Regulus said, lust zinging through the phoneline like static. 

It hit James right below the navel. 

“Oh yeah? You want me to fight back a little?”

“Do your homework and we’ll have to find out together what works best for us,” Regulus said, very demure and business-like again.

“Is this the part where I say ‘make me’?” James grinned like a Cheshire Cat.

“Only if you want me to conclude this dynamic before it even starts.” Regulus didn’t even sound fazed.

“Fuck me. You’re good at this, huh?” James palmed at his cock absently.

“I’ve never had a sub like you, James. You have my brain tumbling down headfirst into things I’d never thought I’d be into before,” Regulus admitted. It was a direct step away from the potential for phone-sex, James noticed, but it made him horny all the same. 

“Yeah? Like what?”

“Do your homework, James.”

James laughed and wanted to kick his feet into the mattress. 

“Yes, sir.”

*

They clicked off the phone shortly after that, and James immediately dove into the “contract.” It was almost two in the morning, but there was no way he could sleep when a weighted email from Regulus sat in his inbox. How in the world did he get his email in the first place? 

There were two PDFs attached to the email, with a body that read: 

When you have a minute.

R.A.B

James wanted to trace the initials with his finger, wanted to know what the A stood for. From their conversations, Regulus was fairly brief, and James didn’t expect a full instruction set, but a little more would’ve been nice. Maybe Regulus was in his fancy pants apartment thinking about James struggling over finishing his “homework.” James smirked. 

The two documents were titled “Open this first” and the other “This one second - I’m serious James,” and James cackled a bit. He was tempted to disobey his first real order, but decided against it when he realized that the first one was practically a textbook of kink definitions, and from what he could tell from the previews, the second one was the list of things about Regulus. James smiled thinking about the effort he had put in to make sure James was going into this without any outside influence. 

He opened the first one, eyes going a bit crossed at the sheer amount of text laid out before him. It was like a dictionary of sexy words and phrases. Skimming it a bit, thumbing through it on his phone, he saw a lot of words he recognized: “anal sex”, “blowjobs”, “cunnilingus”, etc. He wondered if this was a cumulative collection of kinks, fetishes, and sex positions rather than ones just for James. He supposed it would make sense to get a holistic list so he can be fully educated on the topic—Regulus didn’t seem the type to withhold information, especially about this. He seemed very serious about it all, which made James feel safe. 

Because if he really thought about it, there was definitely a burr of fear that had stuck with him even all the way back when he was doing his first round of googling at the beginning of the summer. He’d encountered scary videos, horror stories on Reddit, and a lot of kinks that were decidedly off the table for James. He knew things wouldn’t be scary with Regulus, though. He’d been so careful with James, not in a demeaning way, but in the way that told James how much he cared for his safety—how much he cared for James.

The list was long, and James felt his eyelids droop a bit as the novelty and excitement from his phone call with Regulus wore off, but he rolled onto his side and kept scrolling. 

After the large section of definitions, which James did not read, if he was being honest, there was a section to mark interest level in specific terms. It was broken up into categories: Intimacy, Clothing, General, Penetration, Positions, Restrictions, Toys, Domination and Submission, Scenarios, Dead Dove, Fantasy, Fluids, Touch and Stimulation, and Pain. James wondered if this was set up by Regulus himself because the Pain section seemed to have the most sub-sections and terms. 

Suddenly James was wide awake again. 

He skipped past the first several categories and lingered on the Scenarios and Pain sections. His body started thrumming and throbbing as visions passed through his mind. Humiliation…Voyeurism…Medical Play…Somnophilia (James had to look up the definition for that one)...Free Use Fantasy…Kidnapping…

James’ cheeks burned. He’d come across videos for a lot of these, but never had he been presented the kinks in such a sterile and informative way. His brain was swimming in information, threatening to explode when he pictured Regulus duct-taping his mouth shut, tossing him into a dark room and leaving him alone, bound and waiting. Would Regulus want to “play doctor?” Would he want to rig up James for him to use as his own fleshlight? What if Regulus wanted to show him off to a room full of strangers? What if he wanted James to watch someone else?

Oh fuck was James hard. 

He ignored his erection as he continued onto the Pain section. 

Nipple Clamps, Clothes pins, Slapping, Spanking, Caning, Flogging, Whips, Crops, Paddles, Cock & Ball Torture, Hot Wax, Burning, Ice, Sounding, Bruising, Markings, Cutting, Blood…

Oh.

Oh.

James thought of Regulus pressing the blunt edge of cold steel to his pecs, twisting the knife to slit a thin strip across his chest, catching his nipple, just deep enough for blood to rise to the surface, but not enough to drip down. 

He let out a decidedly sinful moan as he resisted the urge to rut into the mattress, and continued skimming across sections. 

Watersports, Cum play, Tentacles, Furry, Futanari, Non-Consensual Consent, Vore, Hypnotism, Cuckolding, Gang Bang, Gloryhole, Overstimulation, Forced Orgasms, Sex Machines, Chastity—

Okay, James couldn’t take it anymore. He threw his phone to the bed and ripped his pants down, fisting his cock with such attention that he gasped and his eyes flew wide open. 

He wanted to say he was into all of it, even if he knew that wasn’t necessarily true. Everything was so overwhelming, and the promise of pleasure and pain had him riding on the edge of insanity. He ran his arms up and down his body, tweaking his nipples, pressing into those sensitive spots he’d learned with Regulus last time—he pushed his fingers into the hollow of his throat, eyes rolling back when he choked off his own breath momentarily. 

He wanted the taste of Regulus’s cum again, his sweat and blood on his tongue. What would Regulus’s asshole taste like? What would he smell like if James pressed his face between his thighs and waited there? What if Regulus made James swallow his soft cock while he sat at a desk and worked? Forced to be a toy, forced to be a waiting hole for Regulus to use whenever he wanted, forced to come over and over and over again.

James wanted to be degraded and cuckolded and humiliated and teased—oh, such teasing Regulus could do to him. He could cut him up from head to toe, plug his cock and hole and forbid him from coming. Regulus could bind his arms behind his back and force James to make himself cum by rutting his cock against his pretty feet. Or maybe Regulus would cover him in black latex and paint streaks of fluid all over his body, the color contrast so pretty…

It didn’t take long for his orgasm to rip through him. Just the thought of Regulus’s pretty pink lips at his ear saying “Come for me, darling,” had him flying over the edge. He could barely breathe. His hand had stopped stroking, but he gripped his cock like it was a bomb, threatening to tear James’s own skin off with one wrong touch. 

As his brain slowed and stupor washed over him, James told himself he would revisit the papers in the morning when he could think with a clear head. Regulus deserved to understand how much this meant to him, and how serious he was taking it too. 

After a good night’s rest and a steaming cup of coffee, James pulled up the same document he’d had open from before. He quickly marked “Interested” on several of the scenarios, especially the ones including a level of submission, humiliation, and fluids. He wanted to worship every part of Regulus, inside and out, and that was the main idea that took hold of his responses. He would gut himself and pour out his own blood to show his devotion—he certainly had a knife kink. No doubt about that. 

He hated the idea of cheating or free use that included other people, but somehow cuckolding had James’s cock wanting to go another round. He marked the form accordingly, hoping Regulus would know how to incorporate it all without going past the boundary of monogamy. He hated the idea of Master/Slave play, but willing submission to a benevolent (or even a cruel) lover? That was another line James thought they could play around nicely. Almost every single sex toy on the list James was interested in, same with all the restrictive and sensory deprivation tools. He had never considered chastity or binding his hands and feet in mitts, but the idea of feeling helpless and reliant on Regulus to care for him had him panting. Put James in a collar, gag, a muzzle, and drag him around on a leash…maybe he did have a thing for pet play after all? 

Then the section on Penetration had James pensive. 

Regulus, upon first glance, looked like he would be the bottom, if James were to guess at his vanilla preferences. James didn’t know if he had a preference. Of course, he knew he liked it all in theory and when he’d played alone, but with another person? James wondered if he could trust someone else to top him and take care of him. He wanted to believe that Regulus could be that person, but he wasn’t sure. He marked down that he was “Interested” in it all, but then went to make a note that he wasn’t certain. He simply wanted to try it all and reassess later, once he’d had some experience. 

At midday, James’ stomach growled and he realized he’d been staring at his phone for several hours. He put it down and went to make himself a grilled cheese and popped open a soda. He wondered for a long time if he should talk to someone about all this. Lily? Mary? Maybe even his folks? Would the girls understand any of this? His parents certainly wouldn’t…He didn’t make it a habit to think about his friends’ sex lives, but he was feeling nervous and unsettled suddenly. Unsure of how his heart might handle all of this intimacy without any promise of a relationship. 

He didn’t think he was demisexual or asexual; he didn’t really even think he was gay or bi, either. He’d read up on it a while back, content to stick to the bi label, but when presented with the prospect of sex without feelings, he really didn’t know if he could do it. 

Sure, Regulus was this mystical entity and held the potential to radically change James’s life forever, but he was still kind of a stranger to James. Maybe…maybe one thing James needed was a little bit of conversation before they did a scene. In theory, he liked the idea of it all. In theory, he wanted to give his whole body over to Regulus to do as he pleased. But if Regulus didn’t want his heart as part of the deal…Maybe James needed just a little something to pacify the big big feelings he knew his heart had the capacity for. 

He huffed, petulant and annoyed with his sudden sullen sensibilities. Munching on his lunch, he reopened his phone and opened the second document. It had all of Regulus’s answers for the same list of terms that James had been familiarizing himself with all night and morning. James’s heart swelled when he realized that Regulus’s answers were eerily similar to James’s own. Even without knowing one another well, they obviously had a compatibility that was close to fate. There’s no way Regulus could have known James’s answers, and James had purposefully kept Regulus’s a secret as he answered his own. And yet, here they were, highly compatible. 

Oh, fuck. James was going to have a hard time keeping his heart in check.

He opened up his messaging app and texted Regulus. 

James 1:20PM

Can I see you soon?

Regulus: 1:21PM

I’m free this weekend. How about dinner?

James beamed and wanted to squeal a little. 

James 1:21PM

Sounds great. Let me know where and I’ll bring flowers ;)

Regulus 1:22PM

Can’t wait.

Chapter Text

*

Regulus

* 

First date. First date. First date. 

Regulus’s mind was not on his work as he arrived the following day. Tuesday. For some superstitious reason, Regulus did not like Tuesdays. Bad shit always happened on a Tuesday. He rushed to the lounge as soon as he arrived, flipping on the coffee pot instead of opting for the stovetop kettle. He usually took the time at the beginning of his shift to make a chai latte, run through his upcoming tasks, and center himself for whatever might happen that would be out of his control. But, the stupid stove wasn’t easy to work, and Regulus just needed easy. He was unrested and restless—twitchy. His conversation with James (after his afternoon imagining him in various positions) had only served in Regulus’s desire to see him again. Friday night couldn’t come fast enough. 

He poured his coffee into his tumbler and switched off all the appliances, checking the stove out of habit. Damn gas stovetops. When he was ready, he went to the changing room and dressed for the day, making a mental list of the things he’d need to grab from the store for his upcoming playroom remodel. 

The furniture delivery was set to arrive that afternoon, which would be perfect. It would give him enough time to prep the room before his dinner with James. He’d spend his day off on Thursday perfecting the space, for even the hope of getting James into another scene. He would wait, of course, to get James’s answers to the documents he’d sent, but he was hoping that wouldn’t take long. James seemed eager, just as eager as he did. He hoped he wasn’t reading into things.

Friday at 6PM at an Alsatian restaurant at the corner of East 88th and 2nd street. He would woo James, butter him up with that unique blend of German and French cuisine, drinking wine deeply and letting their fingers play on the table top. Regulus would tease, and James would blush, and things would be right again. It would be as though the summer never existed.

Regulus thought back to when Sirius had brought him to the restaurant originally, when they first moved to the city after living their high school years in France. They’d been so overwhelmed with everything, the city, the culture. Going from Vermont to France to New York City was definitely a shock. The food at the place had taken the edge off a bit, leveling them with familiarity. And, if he was honest, he liked that they could afford the high prices off their parents’ money. It felt a little bit like they were draining the bastards’ bank account, and that felt good. Fuck them for sending them away and forgetting they existed at all.

Sirius had gotten used to the bustle more easily than Regulus did, always going and going and going, driving Regulus a little bit insane in those short few months they lived together. It was a sort of lonely-in-a-crowd feeling, when Regulus was applying to colleges and looking at pre-med programs. In the end, he left Sirius with Remus in that big city to go back to Vermont and study at UVM. Whether Regulus was a masochist himself, he never knew. Opting to move back to his childhood home, vacant of any and all family, and live in that big house all by himself…he’ll never know why exactly he chose to do that. 

Regulus’s head was busy with thoughts of growing up as he did his rounds that evening. 

His nurses greeted him with tired smiles, and he made a note in his phone to order a food delivery for his team once he was done checking on his patients. Everyone looked a little too sullen in Regulus’s opinion. And, if he was being honest, the coffee was absurdly shitty and he desperately wanted something sweet. 

“Dr. Black,” Emmelia caught him as he grabbed the chart outside a new patient’s room. 

“Evening, Emmelia. How can I help you?”

“Dr. Avery requested you page him when you get in,” she said, looking apologetic and tired. His poor CCNP had practically facilitated his breakup with Avery so they could continue their work without everything breaking down. She’d seen both of them at their worst and never batted an eye, always at the ready with anything he needed. He sort of loved her for it.

Regulus gave her a reassuring smile. “No problem. Been a minute since he’s needed assistance.”

He said the word like it was a taunt. She giggled and followed him in to see the newest patient in their shared care. As he walked through the door, he shot off a ‘41’ to Avery’s pager. “Call me.” 

He didn’t think Avery wanted to talk about anything personal. They were professionals after all, and they randomly shared patients when someone in his care needed surgery. Avery being the go-to neurosurgeon on campus, Regulus had to work with him. For the patients’ sake.

That didn’t mean Regulus’s heart didn’t squeeze and ache a bit when he got the reply ‘10-4’. Regulus would expect a call as his shift ended in the morning. 

Avery’s working schedule was the exact reason why Regulus opted to work night shifts. Once upon a time, he and Avery would go to work at the same time, work the same hours, and return to their apartment together. Maybe they would grab takeout, maybe Avery would attempt to cook. Maybe they would fall asleep immediately and figure out sustenance later. When they finally broke up, Regulus arrived at work the following day and saw Avery stroll in at his regular time, and he couldn’t take it. He immediately left and flew all the way to LA to stay with Sirius and Remus for a full week before he came back home. 

After that, he preferred the typically-unwanted graveyard shift. 

Emmelia chattered at him about their current roster of patients, noting that there had been a major accident on route 9A that promised an influx of patients into the Emergency Department. Sometimes, not always, those patients made their way up to Regulus. Between him, Amos Diggory, and Alastor Moody (who was about 10 years Regulus’ senior), they kept the ICU in a fairly decent state. If there was a major accident, Regulus just hoped it wouldn’t be too bad. He loved his job, but the whole point was keeping the ICU as quiet as possible. 

With ghosts of his past trailing him like little clinging sprites, Regulus worked his way through his rounds. His brain was running on fumes and shitty coffee, and he couldn’t quite get it all sorted. One of those days, or something. James was on his mind, nerves like a constant thrum of electricity, and that mixed strangely with memories of France, of Vermont and the subtle chill that settled in that part of the country this time of year. He felt the stupid pang of missing his parents that hit him sometimes—not that he missed the actual people; fuck his parents. But, he missed having parents. He was desperate, sometimes, for that feeling of family. 

That loneliness ran deep inside Regulus. Sirius had been the only person he could rely on for so long. Now he was married and off doing amazing things with Remus, who was equally Regulus’s brother. Between the three of them, Regulus was certain he had people in his corner. But, even still. He missed the way his parents should have been. He missed the way he could have had holidays and birthdays and dinners and…

A rapid response was called as Regulus was finishing his rounds, and Emmelia and two other nurses rushed into a patient’s room to address an episode of fresh bleeding in a patient who’d been admitted and needed extensive surgeries. Regulus didn’t interfere as the nurses worked, but waited in the wings, watching blood trickle and seep into the white bedding. He often saw blood, on a daily basis actually, but today, with the way his brain was working, clicking and sticking on itself like glue, his eyes latched on the steady stream of the thick red that trickled from the veins on the patient’s arms. It almost looked self-inflicted, and if Regulus didn’t know that this particular patient had surgical sites there, he would have called for the psychiatrist. But he didn’t. He just stood there, mesmerized by the flow, the color, the smell…

Emmelia called in the appropriate orders, and Regulus snapped out of his trance to make a note on his phone to report her good work to her manager. He never knew if giving good feedback on his team ever did anything, but he did it anyway. He wanted to give praise where praise was due, and she had taken care of this patient, amongst a varied many, all without any assistance needed. 

When the patient was settled again and stable, Regulus, alone, stepped back into the patient’s room to look them over. Blood spotted their face like they had accidentally swiped at their eyes with bloodied fingers. Without a second thought, Regulus slipped on a pair of gloves and blotted the spots away with a sterile wipe. Chapped lips parted with breath, and brown eyes opened to take in Regulus, who shushed them quietly with a smile. He offered comforting words, and squeezed the hand of their un-harmed arm. Their eyes glazed over and tears fell down their cheeks as Regulus spot cleaned their skin, holding their hand and allowing them to take comfort in his presence.

He didn’t do this sort of thing often. Rarely, in fact. Most of his patients never even knew he existed, really. He talked with parents, boyfriends, spouses, siblings, but rarely did he speak with the patient until maybe they were ready to leave his care. The few times he was able to make a connection with a patient that was hurting, that was struggling without any control over their own life, Regulus wanted to give his everything to make sure that they were okay. Avery used to call him a bleeding heart. He had wondered if he’d ever survive working in the ICU. But he did survive, and honestly, he thrived. It gave him a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment to be able to take broken people and make them whole again. 

Especially since he couldn’t seem to do that for himself…

Regulus sighed as he sat in the doctors lounge. It was quiet. After all the commotion, it was so quiet. He pinched the inside of his arm, letting the sensation ground him as he focused on his breath. His brain wouldn’t settle as he kept thinking of blood and sutures and IVs and blood. His obsession with it had started back when he was in middle school, and carried through his entire life. Sometimes, he would just get lost in it. Sirius had asked him once why he didn’t go into surgery as a career, and at the time Regulus didn’t know how to put it into words. Now, though…Regulus was scared at the way he was obsessed with blood sometimes. The way it could root into his brain and just…stick. 

He took a breath and pinched himself again, trying desperately to shake off the gaping, too-big emotions that were coursing through him.

Sometimes…sometimes, Regulus wanted someone else to take the reins from him for a while. He tried not to think of James, but he was hooked on the man. And he desperately wanted him to be everything. 

“No one can be everything to another person.”

James had said that at the beginning of the summer.  

It wasn’t fair for Regulus to slot James into all the vacant spaces that Avery had left behind, that his parents had left behind, that the boy he loved in France had left behind—especially when he really didn’t know James all that well, yet. It was just becoming painfully apparent that he hadn’t even tried to find ways to fill out his life. He’d hidden away behind his work, keeping everyone at arm’s length. Even himself. He hadn’t let himself desire or chase the things he’d once loved at all. Not even a little. It wasn’t until their parents died, that Remus took it upon himself to shake the Black brothers out of their horrible funk. He’d treated them as though they were these precious, beautiful things, and Regulus had watched with brain-fogged eyes as Remus cupped Sirius’s ashen face and breathed life back into him. Even after all the pain Remus had gone through himself, he had sheltered them, helped them back to themselves. He loved Sirius something fierce, but Regulus…he loved Regulus too, in his own way. Like family. Like a brother. And he didn’t leave him behind either.

Regulus took a deep, shaking breath. 

This year was meant to be different. He had seen his brother down the aisle; he’d reactivated his kink profile; he’d let himself think and feel things he’d locked away for half a decade. He wanted to shake away the ghosts and ignore them, but instead, Regulus took out a notebook and jotted them down. He’d throw it away later, or burn it, or something. For now, he just needed it out of his head. 

He wrote down four things:

France

Avery

Family

Fear

He shuddered, like the shadows were leaving him and going right onto the paper. Relief washed over him like water. Maybe one day he would revisit all these things, maybe he would even see a therapist like Sirius had suggested when they’d left France. But, for now, Regulus could see the path in front of him again. 

He would see James on Friday, and they would laugh, and he’d forget about his past, and everything would be okay. He nodded to himself and stood to leave the lounge, making a note on his phone to refresh his memory of shibari ties as he waited for James’s email reply.

*

James

*

The late August breeze was still quite warm but had that tangible turning of the season as a promise in its grasp. James had his camera slung across his chest, pec straining under the weight of it, strap digging into his skin. He walked and looked at his phone, finishing up a TikTok and posting it without thinking much about it. Instagram was next, then his various other socials, posting and editing and posting again. He included a lot of the wedding photos of Sirius and Remus in his daily uploads, mostly because that was his most loved wedding by far. When James had first posted the photo of Sirius and Remus at the altar, with Lake Champlain glistening in the background, he’d gotten more likes and comments than any other post.

He quickly pinned that one to the top of his profile. He unfortunately didn’t have a lot of queer couples on his instagram, so pinning that one felt exceedingly good to him. He buzzed a bit with happiness anytime he got a positive comment on it.

James was in the middle of a street portrait session with a lovely woman when he heard the rumble of a motorcycle pull up right next to him. He jumped up and moved protectively in front of his client, expecting some comment about “You can’t do that here!” or worse…

But then, the rider pulled off his helmet and a spill of black curls fell, bright silvery eyes wide, a little too wired, found him. 

“Sirius?” James said, an automatic smile finding his lips. “What are you doing here?”

“Jamesy! My bestest friend, the most perfect photographer ever,” Sirius practically squealed, setting down his helmet and bounding over to James. 

He surprised James by greeting him with a kiss on both cheeks. James almost caught the man’s mouth when he leaned forward in greeting. He felt a laugh bubble out of him, then hugged Sirius back before stepping back. His client was smiling and giggling behind her hand as she watched them awkwardly greet one another. 

“Hey, Sirius, long time no see,” James said.

“Not for my lack of trying,” Sirius huffed, fluffing his long curls away from his face. He unzipped his leather jacket and removed his riding gloves. Damn, Sirius looked good. “I’ve texted you almost daily, James Potter!”

“You have?” James frowned, taking out his phone. 

“Yes! And DM’ing you on your socials and everything,” Sirius said, then turned to his client. “He’s ignored me on every front!”

“Sirius, I’m so sorry, but I don’t have any texts from you. And I’m sorry, but I have most of my DM’s turned off,” James was quick to explain.

“That’s absolutely ridiculous, James. How in the world have my messages not gone through?!”

“Do you have my number right?”

Sirius went and unlatched his phone from his motorcycle’s handlebars, found James’ contact, and thrust it into his face. 

James laughed. 

“Yeah, sorry, mate. That’s definitely not my number.”

Sirius’s jaw dropped and he hurriedly asked for the correct one.

“Wait, why should I give you my number if you’re just going to harass me?”

“Because I’m your bestest friend in the whole wide world—”

“You’re certainly not,” James cackled. 

“And I need to be able to reach you at all hours of the day,” Sirius went on. 

“Again, why should I give you my number?”

“James!”

He was laughing so hard, his eyes pinched and he felt his dimples make an appearance. 

“Oh, Christ, you really are something to look at,” Sirius murmured. 

“I’ll say,” said his client. 

James sobered a bit, smile still affixed, and blush swirling in his cheeks. He ignored their brazen compliments.

“Here,” James said, grabbing Sirius’s phone and entering the right phone number. “Don’t abuse it, alright?”

“Scout’s honor,” Sirius grinned. 

“So, what are you doing out here?”

“I followed you!” Sirius said, like it was the most natural thing in the world. “You posted your location on Insta and I wanted to see you!”

“Definitely a stalker, then,” James beamed.

“Listen,” Sirius said, very seriously. “I am very bored. And my brother is working!”

“Don’t you know anyone else in the city?”

“Yes,” he smiled then. “You.”

James shook his head and laughed. It seemed his portrait session was either going to have a tag-along or have to be cut short. Not that it really mattered, they’d gone over time almost twenty minutes ago, anyway. 

He said his goodbyes to his client and did all of his business things, telling her his typical turnaround time, what to expect, that sort of thing, before turning back to Sirius. He had shed his jacket and wore a ripped up David Bowie shirt, black skinny jeans, and knee high riding boots. So different from the made-up version of Sirius he knew from his wedding. 

“Want a drink?” James said, looking at the time on his phone. 

“If you make it a fountain coke, then yes,” Sirius beamed. 

James nodded and they walked down the street to grab a soda. Other than his own wedding (and his brother), James didn’t know a damn thing about Sirius Black. 

“Tell me everything about you, James,” Sirius said, beating him to the punch. He sipped greedily on the Coke, like he was buzzing with energy after his ride. 

“Everything?” James chuckled. 

“Everything,” Sirius beamed. “Actually, wait, no. That has the potential to really backfire on me.”

James frowned, missing something. 

“You’re seeing my brother, James!” Sirius explained. 

There went his cheeks blushing again; this time he was sure the red went up to his hairline.

“SEE?!” Sirius pointed at his face. 

James only smiled bashfully and opened and closed his mouth before landing on, “Um, guilty?”

“Ew!” Sirius laughed and it sounded like the most beautiful thing. Never had James known a man that was so free. “Brother-fucking aside, tell me everything!”

“Okay, whoa,” James whooshed, feeling like Sirius was ganging up on him. “First of all, we’re not…like that?”

“Like…fucking?” 

“No,” James shook his head. “It’s not like that. We’re, uh, just getting to know each other.”

“You don’t have to keep the kink stuff a secret with me,” Sirius said with a wave of his hand. “But, for the love of GOD, do not go into detail.”

James laughed. “Noted.”

Sirius looked at him for a moment too long, and James felt like the man was seeing straight through him. The Black brothers certainly had that in common—the uncanny ability to flay a person open just with a look. 

“Well, I’m not really sure what else to say then,” James offered, trying to move past whatever weird thing Sirius was doing. “I’m a photographer? You already know everything, I guess. Not much more to me than that.”

He shrugged with another shy laugh and rubbed the back of his neck. Sirius’s eyes were still on him. 

“Oh, Reggie, what are you doing…” Sirius murmured, just shy of James’s hearing. “Tell me what you’re doing this weekend, James.”

“Not much, I don’t think,” James said. “I’m meeting Regulus for dinner on Friday, but nothing else planned so far.”

“No gigs?”

“No, thankfully. I’ve worked the last three weekends straight. I need a break,” James huffed, realizing how many photos were sitting and waiting for culling and edits. At least four thousand, if he were to guess…

Sirius hummed and sipped his drink. They were walking aimlessly, but the afternoon was lovely and just shy of too warm. It almost made him want to find some ice cream. 

“Well, not to sign you up to actually work, but how would you like to do a red carpet event this weekend?” Sirius said so casually. 

“Are you serious?”

“I am,” Sirius said, eyes glinting at the joke. “Me and Reggie have to do this whole thing.”

He said it with another wave of his hand. 

“Be my date, James!” 

James squinted and shook his head, but laughed anyway. “What is this, a weird brother threesome thing?”

“I am willfully ignoring the fact that you just said that,” Sirius said with a fierce glare. “I think it would be fun, and my beloved Moony can’t get out from LA. So, please, spare me the boredom of my brother’s company.”

“Regulus isn’t boring,” James defended. 

“Oh, you sweet loverboy,” Sirius grinned. “Reggie’s the most boring.”

James scoffed with a smile. 

“But, I’ll forgive your allegiance to the wrong Black,” Sirius said with a pout. “Come out on Saturday—we can get stoned. You can take pictures of me, and I’ll forgive you for your tresspassing.”

James was beside himself grinning, thinking of all the ways in which Regulus and Sirius were different from one another. And all the ways they were the same.

“I’ll put down a tentative yes,” James replied. 

“Wonderful!”

“Why do you want me to come at all?” James asked. 

“Because I’m going to look fabulous, and you take the most wonderful pictures known to man,” he said. It was so casual, so off-hand, that James almost missed the best compliment he’d ever received. 

“Well, okay then,” James said. “What should I wear?”

“It’s black tie, so look sharp.” Sirius said, looking him up and down. “Oh, hell yeah. And do something with your hair.”

“What’s wrong with my hair?!”

“Look, I’m just trying to help you look your best, Jamesy,” he said with feigned innocence. “Tame the mane just a tad, smudge some color on those eyes, and try to grin like that all night long, ‘kay?”

Unknown to James, Sirius had steered them during their conversation, and suddenly they were back by his bike. James felt like he’d been taken for a spin on that pretty motorcycle, like he’d gotten the wind knocked out of him a bit. Sirius just had that effect. Even at his wedding, James was dazzled the whole time. 

“And look,” Sirius continued. “About Regulus.”

James sobered at the look on his face instantly. He was suddenly very eager to hear what Sirius was about to tell him. 

“Don’t let him get you down, okay? He’s…he’s just the most wonderful person I’ve ever known,” Sirius murmured, almost like it was hard for him to be this real. “But, he’s complicated. He has layers I don’t even think he knows he has. I think…You’re the first person to see him, truly see him, and he’s scared shitless.”

“Why are you telling me this?” James whispered. It was way too serious for how long he’d known Regulus. Weren’t there, like, steps to the whole dating/situationship thing? Or were things getting all out of order again?

“Because, I like you James. And more importantly, you’ve gotten my brother to look a little more alive than he has in a long time,” Sirius said. 

“Am I supposed to know what that means?”

“Have fun on your date,” Sirius offered. “Don’t let him freak you out. I know he’s…he can be intense.”

“You can be intense,” James laughed, trying to not show his emotions on his sleeve. His heart was racing. 

“I am known to be intense,” Sirius shrugged. “Dramatic, even.”

James chuckled. 

“But, Regulus isn’t. He stews and rots in his own head,” Sirius went on. “He can’t seem to get out of it sometimes.”

“Don’t you think I should learn this from him?” James hazarded. 

“Well, sure, but I’m bored and nosy and wanted to know how deep he’d gotten his claws into you,” Sirius said. 

James gulped, hoping he wasn’t too obvious. 

Sirius shrugged and went to don his riding gear again. He turned over the engine and it rumbled to life in that tell-tale Harley way. James hardly took his eyes off of Sirius to appraise the pretty cherry-red motorcycle.

Sirius said something that James didn’t catch, but when he leaned in, Sirius shouted, “I think you guys could be great together. You have my full support, Jamesy James.”

“Thanks?” James grinned. 

Sirius didn’t say anything else. Just winked, slid on his helmet before waddling the bike backwards and roaring into traffic. 

Weird. 

*

Friday came quicker than James was prepared for. By lunchtime, he realized he hadn’t sent his “homework” back to Regulus. He sat down with a glass of water, pulled the documents up on his laptop this time, and really spent some time thinking about everything. He went over the kink list again and again before making his final marks and notes, making sure to be specific about things he was “curious” about, and things he was actively interested in. There were only a few hard-no’s for him, but he marked those as well. Most of the dead-dove section he’d marked as “no,” though he was curious about the hypnotism thing, and the idea of somnophilia. 

He tried to keep a level head as he finalized his marks, but the closer the time came for his and Regulus’s date, the harder it was for him to concentrate. Eventually, he took a breath and sent the reply back to Regulus. 

Hi Regulus,

See attached my responses. I’m looking forward to your Ready for you to put me in my place ;)

Yours,

James

He bit down on his bottom lip and sent it before he could second guess himself. He’d been feeling more and more confident as time went on, but there was always a bit of insecurity that followed him even now. He felt his lips curl in a smile as closed his laptop lid. Taking a deep breath, he went to his closet and spent the next hour getting ready to go meet Regulus. 

*

Regulus

*

Golden hour was only moments away, and buttery ambience settled over the city making the skyscrapers dazzle and the leaves of the trees glisten as he walked towards the lovely restaurant.  Regulus wore a loose fitted black linen top, with long, flowy bishop sleeves. The longer cuffs made his wrists look dainty and fair, and there was a loose tie at his collarbone wrapped into a bow. His slacks were form-fitted and just short enough to give his ankles the same sort of willowy look. He wore fashionable black loafers, and all the dark colors of his outfit were a stark contrast to his snowy skin. He’d applied the tiniest amount of eyeliner to his lower lash, making his eyes look pouty and round, just the way Sirius had taught him years ago. 

He felt pretty. With his inky curls behaving nicely around his face, he walked with purpose through the streets, feeling eyes follow him. He wasn’t necessarily a narcissist, but he loved having people’s attention when he wanted it. He hoped he was well put together to steal James’s attraction away from anyone else. He wanted those eyes on him all night, if he could. 

He was early, checking in with the maitre d’ like he knew the man personally. He’d requested a private table, though this place was fairly popular and the most secluded table was the far corner of the patio. It was before the dinner rush, as Regulus had predicted, and he was pleased when the yellow light of the fair afternoon softened to golden streams by the minute. 

He sat, facing against a gentle breeze, and tried not to look uncomfortably nervous as he waited for his date. 

His date.

Regulus smiled softly before schooling his expression back to its usual neutral facade. 

He had to remind himself over and over again that this was the precursor to a play arrangement. It wasn’t indicative of emotions or feelings or anything that might muddy up the waters, so to speak. Regulus needed this, was desperate for it, really. Now that he’d had a taste of it again, the bittersweet realization that he couldn’t afford to lose what was potentially a life-changing arrangement hung heavy in his heart. He really couldn’t fuck it up this time. 

As if on cue, James appeared. He walked across the street towards the restaurant, looking pinched and anxious at his phone, mouth pouty and shoulders hunched. But, when he saw Regulus’s wave, he brightened, and it was like the sun had risen from the shadow of the horizon. And, oh, he had flowers. For Regulus.

Oh, fuck, Regulus thought.

James’s smile was like a starburst inside of him, tendrils of light beaming out of his eyes, his ears, his teeth. Regulus had a hard time keeping his gaze fixed on the man as he crossed out of the shadow of a building into the warm buttery sunlight. His skin was tanned and shimmery, like desert sands, and he wore a pastel blue button-up, sleeves scrunched at the elbows. Several buttons were undone and the top, and Regulus tried to school his thoughts away from the itch to bite into the exposed collarbone. Tan slacks hugged his thighs—good Lord, were they even thicker than before? He looked ravenous, and Regulus was shocked at how enamored he was just by the sight of James alone. 

“Regulus,” James breathed, white teeth against ruby lips and tawny skin. 

“Hello James,” Regulus said, and he moved to do a greeting that was at one point in his life second nature. He leaned forward to press a small kiss to each of James’s cheeks, almost catching his lips when James jumped in surprise.

He bit down a giddy smile and extended his hand like he was greeting a damn business partner. They shook hands; James laughed, a brilliant sound, and they sat. 

“Sorry to keep you waiting,” James said. He outstretched the lovely bouquet. “These are for you.”

“Thank you,” Regulus breathed. “And, no need to apologize. I wanted to get here early.”  

He was suddenly eager to busy his hands. He set the bouquet in the unused third chair and grabbed at the sweaty glass, sucking down a healthy gulp of the crystalline water. 

“This place is super nice,” James said, and Regulus wanted to laugh at how suddenly awkward everything felt. James was fiddling with the menu, his face way too close to the words, almost like he was hiding. It made Regulus want to tease him.

“It’s one of mine and Sirius’s favorites,” Regulus said. 

“Is it really?” James looked up at him again, appraising him more closely. “You look stunning, by the way.”

“I know,” Regulus grinned. James blushed and shook his head. “But, thank you anyway.”

“How-How are you?” James fished.

“Can’t complain.” It was a lie. Regulus wanted to complain that they were both here and not back at his apartment, naked. 

“You’re not going to give me much, huh?”

“I like seeing you struggle, remember?”

Regulus leaned forward, and James peaked down his shirt before righting his gaze. He wondered briefly if James could catch a glimpse of a nipple under the gauzy material. 

Luckily for James, the server arrived to take their drink order. Regulus was feeling somewhat wild and unmoored upon meeting this gorgeous man again. It seemed whenever James was around, Regulus became something…more. Caught in his orbit, unconsciously pulled toward what was certainly mutually assured destruction.

When the server left them, and other dinner guests started arriving, Regulus figured he should bite the bullet. 

“I see you responded to my last email,” Regulus said. 

“Back to sounding all business-like, I see,” James poked with a grin. 

“Can’t exactly speak plainly amongst proper company, you see.”

“No, indeed not, sir,” James winked.

Regulus grinned back and felt devilish. He toed in between James’s shoes and curved his foot around a sturdy ankle.

“Christ, none of that, please,” James murmured. 

“Are you telling me what to do?” Regulus darkened. 

James gulped, pretty eyes wide and round. “No, sir.”

Regulus laughed. This was too fun. 

“Relax, Jamie,” Regulus cooed. “I’ll be on my best behavior from here on out.”

“Somehow I don’t believe you.”

“Scout’s honor,” he said.

James laughed, a shockingly loud sound to Regulus. 

“What?”

“Your brother said that exact thing to me only days ago,” James laughed.

“Sirius? You saw him recently?” 

“Yep, he crashed one of my photoshoots.”

“Absolutely ridiculous,” Regulus grimaced and grabbed at his coke, sipping on it like he could murder his brother by how tight he was gripping his glass. “Don’t worry. He won’t bother you again, on account that he’ll be dead by my hands next time we meet.”

James laughed brightly and it almost, almost, made Regulus want to give up his murderous ways. 

"So tell me what you thought about the documents," Regulus shifted, definitely aware that he was putting James on the spot. 

"What I thought?" James blew out a breath. "So many things. I don't know where to start."

"Give me one thing."

James snorted. "I really want to say 'oh, I have something to give you alright,' but I feel it wouldn't be received well."

Regulus barked out a laugh, and James beamed again. 

"Give me one thought."

With a giggle, he said, "Alright, then. Erm...I suppose I was a bit shocked at how much there is."

Regulus hummed and nodded, thumbing through the contents of their ordered charcuterie board. He popped an olive in his mouth before looking up at James, hoping he would continue. 

James's eyes lingered on his mouth, but he went on, "I'll admit, I skimmed through most of the textbook definitions."

"That was to be expected. It's very dry reading."

James snickered. "I wouldn't say dry, but it definitely was a lot of...words."

"Do you have a hard time reading?" Regulus hadn't considered that James might have had trouble before. 

"No, I'm fine with reading. It was just...a lot."

"I see."

"I—" James cleared his throat, a flush forming on the apples of his cheeks. "I was just more interested in the second section. And, um, well, your document."

Regulus felt a bit warm himself, remembering how James's answers were shockingly similar to his own. 

"I have to ask, because it feels too good to be true," he started. "Are you sure you didn't peek? Cheat and look at my answers?"

James laughed again. "Nope. I was just as shocked as you probably are."

"I was pleased,” Regulus murmured. 

The server arrived to refresh their drinks, and Regulus could barely spare them a glance. James looked so dashing, he had a hard time keeping his mental paws off him. He trailed his eyes down the length of James’s neck as he looked up at the server to place his dinner order. Strong tendons stuck out and curved into his shoulder, hidden underneath the pretty shirt. Regulus had a vivid urge to trace out his arteries with his tongue. 

"So, what about you?"

"Hm?" Regulus said, eyes flicking back up to James'.

"Would you tell me one thing? One thought?"

So many thoughts came to mind as James picked up his wine glass and sipped on the red, the liquid staining his lips and teeth like blood. Regulus stared brazenly, enjoying how James began to squirm under his gaze.

"The first thing that comes to mind, aside from how compatible we seem to be, is that you seem very open," Regulus mused. "Though, I was extremely glad to see you marked so many things as hard-stops as well as the things you were curious about."

"I wanted to be thorough," James admitted. 

"Because you're such a good boy," Regulus purred.

James looked away, his blush creeping down the sides of his neck deliciously. 

"I suppose the second thing I could give you, since I'm feeling oh so benevolent," he continued. "Is that I think I'd really like to be your regular partner."

James choked a bit at that, and Regulus chided himself. He probably could've worded that better...

The server arrived again, asking if they needed anything while they waited for their dinner, and Regulus was irritated at the intrusion. He shook his head, eyes not leaving James. 

"Um," James started. "Can you clarify what you mean?"

Bless him. 

"Of course. If you’re amenable, I’d like to schedule sessions with you. Playtimes, if you will. Where we can have dedicated times to do scenes together. Especially at first, I find having a routine helps build trust and eases some of the potential tension and awkwardness.”

“Sexy,” James said sarcastically. 

“I suppose not, but it is necessary,” Regulus said. “I told you I am very serious about this, and I don’t want to fuck it all up because we rushed into things.”

James mumbled something under his breath. Regulus guessed it was something along the lines of “so much for that,” but he didn’t call him on it. He definitely could have been projecting his own feelings onto James.

“What do you think?” Regulus asked, then.

“About scheduling playtimes?”

“Yes. I want to know how you feel about being regular play partners,” he asked, nerves alight.

“I think you already know how I feel about it all,” James murmured. 

“Tell me verbatim,” Regulus said. “Please.”

James smirked, then softened. “I want to play with you, Regulus. However you’ll have me.”

He let out a sigh of relief. “Wonderful.”

James sipped on his wine and their entrees were served, and as they ate, Regulus thought he felt a simmer of tension settle over them. He knew he was harboring his own feelings for his potential sub, feelings he was doing his best to lock up tight, but he had no idea where James was with all of that. Would he be okay with just playing? 

“So, what did you do all summer?” James asked. It was an innocuous enough question, but Regulus felt like it was a quip about how he didn’t call. 

“Erm,” he struggled. “I worked.”

“The whole time?”

“Yes, mostly,” he admitted, looking down at his food. He didn’t feel like bringing the entire vibe down by admitting he’d dissociated away three months without even realizing it. He didn’t want James to know that that sort of just…happened sometimes. “What about you?”

James flushed and frowned at the same time. “I worked too. Dated a bit.”

“Oh?” Regulus’s heart hammered a beat, almost painful in his chest.

A dark laugh escaped James. “Yeah, it went about as well as expected.”

“And what did you expect?”

“It was nice to go out and meet people. Made a good friend named Dorcas, and I think she’ll be fun to hang with my other friends. Lily, the one I told you about, um, before.”

Regulus nodded, remembering James’s mention of his childhood friend. 

“It wasn’t all that, though.”

“What do you mean?” Regulus asked mechanically, unsure why he was drilling down this path. He decidedly did not want to talk about James’s dates. He tried to keep that emotion off his face though.

“No one was into…” he looked around before whispering. “Kink.”

“Ah,” Regulus relaxed then. No one else could seemingly satisfy James then. “You didn’t feel compatible.”

“Not really.”

“I understand. It’s difficult to incorporate vanilla relationships into kink dynamics,” he said. “That's why I keep play and dating separate.”

James froze and studied him with round eyes. “Is that what you’d like to do here? With me?”

Regulus swallowed and set his utensils down. “Yes.”

James looked like he was working hard to keep from scowling. It was an endearingly poor attempt. 

“Okay,” was all he said. “Play is play, and dating is dating. I understand.”

Regulus frowned, then. That…wasn’t exactly what he wanted.

“And you’re okay with that?” he asked James. 

“Sure.”

Clipped tones. Poor body language. Bad communication. Red flags. 

Regulus ignored it all and said, “Splendid. Would you like to play soon, then? Tonight?”

James relaxed then, seemingly pacified by setting a playtime. Regulus did, too. 

“Sure, but can I make at least one request?” 

“Of course, James. I want you to always let me know you’re feeling,” Regulus said, tasting bitter lies on his tongue.

“I think I need a little bit of…conversation before we play. Like, um, can we get to know each other? A bit more?” James struggled.

Regulus smiled then, something in him thawing. 

“That sounds wonderful, James.”

*

“You lived in France?” James asked as they walked from the restaurant back towards Regulus’s apartment. 

“I did. Sirius and I were sent there to a boarding school when we were in middle school,” Regulus said. “I have…mixed feelings about living abroad.”

“Wait, I thought Sirius was two years older than you?”

“He is,” he said. “But, something changed when I was young, and I was placed in the same academic grade as Sirius. We started high school in France at the same level. That’s how I finished my residency and fellowship two years before I probably should have.”

“I wondered about that,” James said. “Though, I don’t know shit about medical school.”

Regulus laughed, so glad things were easier between them now. 

“Tell me more,” James asked. “What was France like?”

“It was beautiful. Very romantic. I loved the weather and the culture. Everything here seems too busy and fast-paced for me. Vermont was very peaceful growing up, and France was an adjustment, but I suppose I liked it.”

“Why did you come back then?”

“Sirius, of course, could not be parted from his dear Remus.”

“They were dating all the way back then?” James asked. Regulus’s building loomed, and he had to tell himself that he could linger in the exchange as long as they liked. James needed conversation before they would play, and Regulus was enjoying their easygoing chat. They didn’t need to rush. There was no need to rush. If only he could convince his heart to stop beating so erratically. 

“Sirius and Remus have been together as long as I can remember,” Regulus said. “I think they knew each other as early as five or six years old. Of course, we all played as children, and then, they developed feelings for one another when Sirius turned thirteen or so.

“Our parents didn’t like that he and Remus started showing romantic inclinations towards one another, though. So, they sent us to an all-boys boarding school,” Regulus scoffed. 

“Sounds peachy.”

“Indeed.”

Regulus hated talking about his past. So, he skipped forward, “Anyway, as soon as we’d graduated, there was nothing, nothing, keeping us in France. We left for the city, here, and the three of us lived together for a while before I moved back to Vermont.”

“That’s when you started medical school?”

“Yes,” Regulus said, offering more of his life story than he’d ever offered any other playmate. “I moved back to my childhood home.”

“To live with your parents?”

“That may be an exaggeration, but yes.”

“What do you mean?” James said, his legs not really wanting to walk straight. He kept turning his whole body towards Regulus as he listened, almost like he couldn’t help it.

“They weren’t present when I lived there. My mother was off with her suitors, and my father worked endlessly. I have suspicions that he was cheating on her, just as she was with him. Of course, you know she eventually left our family formally, only several years ago, but she’d never been faithful.”

“I’m so sorry,” James whispered as they entered the building. “I can’t imagine…”

“Do you have a happy family waiting for you somewhere, James?”

“Yes,” he breathed. “I do.”

Regulus felt that twinge of jealousy, that snap of loneliness ping pong through him. 

“Well, it was a perfect situation for me,” Regulus went on. “I had a lovely large house to myself, and I never felt uncomfortable bringing home playmates or lovers, or friends.”

He’s not sure why he said all that. Envy made him say things he didn’t want to say.

“Did you find out about kink in France?” James asked, maybe purposefully ignoring that last comment.

Regulus lightened. “I suppose I could say yes. Not really, though. I was actually in Germany when I first learned that a person could have fetishes. Sirius and I stumbled upon a Latex Fetish convention, or something of the sorts.

“We didn’t interact or see it up close or anything, but it was the first time I’d ever seen someone wearing latex. Of course, from there, it was a lot of uncomfortable conversations with my mates and a lot of online research.”

“So, I’m not that weird then,” James said with a soft smile. “All the Googling.”

Regulus chuckled. “Not weird, James. Never weird.”

The elevator opened to the familiar sight of Regulus’s door, and suddenly the tension was thick and settling around them like binds. 

“Come inside,” Regulus moved and let them into his flat. “Water?”

“Please.”

It felt very similar to the last time they were together in the space, and at the same time, so much had changed. Regulus felt different. James seemed different too. Long gone was the timid and bashful man that had stepped into his space before. This James seemed broader, more confident, more sure of himself. 

“So,” James started in a small voice. He didn’t sit. “Every other Friday…”

Regulus nodded. “I can put it in writing if you like.”

James huffed and smiled. “I don’t think that’ll be necessary. I’ll know.”

Regulus flushed. It was such a simple statement, but it lit him up inside to know that this man would put aside his life on a coveted Friday evening, just to see him. Just to let him dominate him. 

James turned and suddenly was in Regulus’s space. His presence was so vivid, so strong, that Regulus felt small beside him, despite the inches that separated them. He felt stripped, bare. James could ruin him, he thought idly. He set the water bottle on the counter, feeling the chill of it remain on his fingertips.

“James,” Regulus breathed. “Will you…” he tried, then swallowed hard, choking on words unspoken. 

“As you please, sir,” James whispered. “My body is yours.”

A chill ran down Regulus’s spine, featherlight and fabulously fricative. James’s eyes were deferred, submission in his body like it belonged there. It shook Regulus to see him shed the brat and give himself over so willingly. 

He leaned forward and touched his cold fingertips to the shadow on James’s cheek, a sigh slipping through those raspberry lips. The contrast of their skin struck Regulus as he let his hand linger on his jaw. James leaned into the touch like he was starved for it. Regulus was mesmerized. His glasses skewed, his mouth went slack, his hair flopped over his eyebrow. This strong, capable man was in Regulus’s hands. 

“You’re so unlike anyone I’ve ever played with,” Regulus admitted in a soft voice. The moment felt so reverent he was scared to shatter it. 

James’s eyes flicked up to his, more brown than ever, irises blown wide with want in the dim light. “Is that so?”

“You’re so…strong,” Regulus sighed.

James moaned as Regulus pressed into his body. This was not how he usually played, and his heart was sighing, yes, behind his sternum. His solar plexus ached, as if one could feel a heartache so colorful and vibrant. 

“Tell me,” James croaked, then swallowed hard. “About them.”

“I haven’t had many,” Regulus admitted. 

He ran his other hand to the sensitive spot at the soft part of James’s waist. He sighed like he’d been waiting for the touch. Regulus pressed bony fingers into the flesh, that same strange urge to bury himself inside James’s skin singing through his veins. 

“Tell me,” James breathed. 

He was hard when Regulus met their hips, the friction of their slacks pulling like silk across velvet. 

“I had one,” Regulus purred, pressing his center into James. “He was so small. A stiff wind could’ve swept him off his feet.”

James stood there, and Regulus mapped out his clothed body, pressing a thumb into the hollow of his throat, the other hand dancing underneath his ribs. Vibrations of pleasure started rippling through him, and Regulus felt the energy bounce between them where their bodies touched. Static clung to them, and he was helpless to pull away. 

His mouth was a breath away from James’s now, their eyes meeting, then lulling away, then meeting, then fluttering shut. Waves of want and desire pulled at them like the tide. 

“There was another,” Regulus went on. “Who was loud.”

Regulus snaked a hand to grab James’s hair. James gasped, eyes flying wide at the sudden lance of pain. His mouth popped open, then relaxed into a rakish smile.

“I love hearing your voice,” Regulus whispered, lips dancing across James’s cheeks and mouth and jaw. “But, with him, I never knew where he was at. I couldn’t gauge his levels when he started at a ten.”

When Regulus yanked, hard, again, James groaned. His hips lurched forward and his back bent backwards, seeking relief, seeking pleasure. His eyes were fluttering and Regulus tiptoed his free hand below his navel playing with the hair under his shirt. 

“You,” he breathed. “You, James, are perfect.”

James whimpered. 

“Strong,” Regulus said, grabbing at his biceps. “Confident.” A brush of his nose over James’s eyelids. “Sexy.”

James let his eyes find Regulus’s again, and the pull between them was too strong. Regulus couldn’t pull away even if he tried. James darted a pink tongue over his bottom lip, and Regulus watched with fascination. 

“Can I kiss you, sir?” James asked. 

“Yes,” he whispered, helpless. 

James leaned forward, and Regulus let himself be swept away into a kiss that would sear itself into his memory forever. 

Chapter Text

*

James

* 

James stood in the guest shower of Regulus Black’s apartment and took several steadying breaths as the warm water chilled his heated—hot—skin. His cock bobbed lewdly in front of him, and it took all of his willpower not to jerk off once before meeting Regulus back in his playroom. Surely it wouldn’t hurt…

No. No, the wait would be worth it. Regulus would make sure James didn’t even remember his own name. 

Currents of pleasure pricked his flesh, and he groaned out, willing his body to settle.

Kissing Regulus had been…oh, it had been one of those moments that James knew would haunt him, settle in his dreams like a ghost, forever. The sweet taste of his tongue, the soft pants passing between them—the trembling that had started, and once it took over, it had grown into this vibrating need, this possessiveness that overwhelmed them. James had pressed Regulus into the countertop of his kitchen island, their hands tangled in one another, their hair, their clothes, their skin. 

James wanted to eat him whole. 

Their lips moved together like they were desperate for it. James bit at Regulus’s bottom lip, sucking up each little moan and whimper that came from his mouth. James grabbed at his hips, grinding into him like he owned him. It was heady and hopeless, the way he’d practically do anything for Regulus, anything to draw out those whimpers and pants from that pretty pink mouth.

It had gone on just long enough for passion to flare red hot in both of them, and after several moments, Regulus had to pull away, gasping for air like he was coming up from deep within the sea. James wanted to drown with him. As they separated, cocks hard and bumping, Regulus looked at James with such broken want that it scared him. James had never been looked at like that before. Silvery, stormy blue eyes with red centers, pinging warning signs at regular intervals. 

“Go,” Regulus struggled. “Take a shower. A thorough shower. Then meet me in my playroom. I want you naked.”

James wasn’t sure he had ever moved as fast as he did then. 

Even though separating from Regulus had felt like he was ripping off his own skin. 

Need quivered through James so much that had to forcefully turn himself off, leaving his groin and balls sore and desperate. 

He thought about their dinner, trying to forget how radiant Regulus had looked in his pretty black blouse and fitted slacks. He went over the plan they’d talked about after that horribly tense conversation about playing and dating. Bitterness slowly made its way into James’s heart, and later he would address why the pain he’d experienced then had lanced through him more viscerally than he’d expected. But for now, he set it aside and was desperate to live in only this moment. If this was the only way he got to be with Regulus Black, he would accept it graciously. 

Their “play dates” would go as follows: 

1. A conversation. Per James’s request, they would have some form of conversation to bring them out of their own individual lives and into one another’s worlds for the day. It was the only way James could see to placate his heart while honoring Regulus’s boundaries. 
2. A shower. That one was relatively self explanatory. 
3. The Scene. 

Regulus had made an offer to James, asking if he wanted to be a part of the planning of each scene, which he turned down. 

“Just make sure it adheres to the list,” James asked. “I trust you.”

Regulus had smiled then, that soft, beautifully vulnerable smile that James had begun searching for when they were together. It was the real one, he thought, the smile that Regulus only let James see. 

1. Aftercare. This was a strict necessity. Regulus had stressed the importance of it countlessly, but James didn’t need any convincing. He knew from his own research that it was mutually beneficial. It was just the format of the aftercare that was strange to him.

During their first scene, back in May, Regulus had taken James into his bath, washed his hair, and taken him to bed afterwards. Apparently, that was not how aftercare was going to go for their upcoming scenes. James didn’t ask why, but he could guess. Things were muddy because Regulus had treated him like a lover, not a playmate. 

Their aftercare would look something like a shower, if needed, weighted blankets and a form of cuddling. Then, they would move to the living room to work out the rest. Regulus said he liked to make hot beverages and watch TV, or maybe they would read a book. It didn’t matter to James. The only thing that struck him was that Regulus told him he wasn’t allowed in his bed anymore. 

He tried to keep the hurt from his expression. 

James took a deep breath, his erection having waned in the wake of remembering all the big feelings that were squished inside of him. He’d let it all out later, probably. But for tonight, he wanted to experience everything and anything Regulus had for him. Then, he’d leave before Regulus could kick him out. That…that would be too difficult for James. 

He shut the water off and wrapped himself in a towel, putting his glasses back on, but leaving everything else folded on the bathroom shelf. Without looking at himself in the mirror, he exited and went straight to the guest room. 

Regulus was missing, but in his absence, James was left to gawk at the room. 

It was completely different from the sparsely decorated space from before. The beige walls were now a dark viridian green, and the ceiling was blacked out. The bed was on a frame now that looked, for lack of a better word, industrial. It was sort of similar to the pretty wooden frames, the four poster ones, but it was made out of black brushed metal that had a wicked sheen. There weren’t any sheets or blankets, just a tight cover that looked waterproof. James gulped. 

There was dark-stained wooden furniture on the sides of the room. Not too deep, but very wide, and one wall had drawers that stretched the length of it. James wondered if Regulus would mind if he peeked inside the drawers. 

On the walls hung all the crops, floggers, paddles, ropes, and thinner, wooden-like stick things. James wondered if they were magic wands, just longer. Swallowing hard, he trailed his fingers against a rainbow braided flogger that had little knots at the ends of the tassels. He could only imagine how much they would hurt—dragging deep and hard against skin. 

“Do you like it?” Regulus appeared in the doorway. 

James’ grip on his black towel almost gave out when he looked over to him. 

The swan-like man had donned an all-black, tight, outfit made of what looked like neoprene. It covered him from the neck down, all the way to his wrists and ankles, leaving nothing to the imagination as the fabric clung to him. James wanted nothing more than to press his whole body against Regulus and feel the smooth, rubbery-satin feel of the suit. 

“Erm,” James stuttered.

Regulus gave him an exquisitely sinful grin as he catwalked into the room. 

“What do you think of the space, James? Much better than before, right?”

“I’ll say,” James breathed, eyes affixed on the dark prince. 

“I’m still waiting on my sex swing, but I think for today we won’t miss it.”

Regulus trailed a lone finger across James’s pecs as he crossed him to the bed, sparks and fire arcing over his skin. James blinked and followed after him. He hadn’t even noticed the gear that had been waiting for him there. 

He spied a long metal bar, some cuffs, and the same black nitrile gloves that Regulus had worn in their first scene. 

James didn’t say anything, just gripped his towel, though it was practically useless. The tenting was so obvious, he wondered why he was holding onto any sort of modesty. Regulus beckoned him over with a long finger. 

“Do you know about the stoplight system?”

“Um, like for driving?”

Regulus chuckled. “The very same, I suppose. We use the stoplight system in BDSM to gauge consent and willingness to try new things.”

“Like green for go, red for stop?”

“Precisely. Yellow for wait. There’s a lot of reasons why you might want a brief pause, especially when doing a long scene. Yellow can mean that you need some water, or you need a minute to recenter. It can mean that you’d like to shift the scene away from the current activity to something else, or it could just mean that you’re unsure.”

“Okay,” James nodded. Made perfect sense. 

“I’ve seen other players use other colors for other things, but I think we should stick with red, green, yellow.”

“Does that mean we won’t be using safewords anymore?” James frowned. He was a bit partial to their chosen words. 

“Not at all,” Regulus said, facing him and James had a hard time keeping his eyes off his long limbs. “It's more of an additive. In combination with the safewords, which will stop the play altogether, similar to ‘red’, the yellow and green will be used to gauge the speed of the play.”

James nodded again.

“If I ask for your color, you’ll give it to me, okay?”

“Alright,” James agreed. “Simple enough.”

Regulus studied him with that famous Black Stare. James tried not to feel scrutinized. 

“I need to trust your colors, James.”

James looked around, frowning a bit. This was a given, right? “Of course, I understand.”

Regulus smiled then, the smile that James loved. Then, he looked at James through his thick lashes. He took a step forward and gripped the knot of the towel around James’ waist. 

“Color, James?”

Oh.

The breath whooshed through James like it was punched out of him. He was never going to be able to think of stoplights again without getting a hard-on. 

“Green.”

“Good boy,” Regulus purred. “Are you ready to begin?”

“Yes, sir.”

Regulus undid the towel and let it fall between them. It caught on James’ dick, but fell to the floor, making his cock slap his stomach obscenely. He shivered. Regulus trailed a finger from base to tip, pulling at the pearl of precum that had beaded at the head. 

“You’ve been looking forward to this.”

James didn’t say anything, just shuddered as desire ripped through him. 

“Come here, James,” Regulus said, patting the bed. 

James followed obediently, the back of his mind wondering where all that cocky attitude was now that he was in the face of certain submission. Maybe the forefront of his mind knew that there was a time and place for backtalk and bratty behavior, but it wasn’t today. He had absolutely no grip on his brain now that he was here, in the place he’d been dreaming about all summer, before this god of a man. Every bratty thought simply slipped away.

He settled on the bed, legs hanging off the edge. Resting on his hands with his feet kicking a bit out of nervousness. Regulus picked up the larger cuffs, looking a little nervous too, if James' observations were correct. He wanted to smile, feeling like the gulf between their experiences, between them, wasn’t so large. 

Regulus knelt before James, the black fabric shifting and pulling against his body, and he latched the cuffs to James’ ankles. He lingered there, between James’ legs, and pressed soft kisses to the inside of his knees, his thighs. For a moment, James wondered a bit who was submitting here. But then, Regulus sucked a deep, dark mark to the inside of his thigh. He hissed and tried to pull back, only for Regulus to yank him back into position. He smirked up at him, silvery eyes like lightning as they struck James to his core. 

Another mark to the other side. Then another at the crux of his hip, just to the side of James’ happy trail. James was breathing hard, squirming under the biting touch.

He strung kisses all the way up his body, then down his arms until he met the inside of his wrist. He bit down without any finesse, and James yelped. Pain throbbed there, and Regulus kitten licked at the sore spot before he latched another set of cuffs on each wrist. 

He stepped back to appraise James, who gave him a small grin and said, “Ow.”

Regulus cocked his head and arched an eyebrow. 

“Complaining?”

“No, sir,” James’s grin stretched wider. Maybe he couldn’t keep the brat inside him tamed.

Regulus launched at him, hands in his hair instantly, yanking his head back to expose his neck. James cried out when the sharp sting of teeth bit against the tender flesh at his tendons. 

“I’ve wanted to do that all night,” Regulus giggled. 

“Hurts,” James hissed as Regulus sucked another spot behind his ears. 

“Training wheels are off, Potter. Time to ‘put you in your place’.” 

James laughed, which was responded to by another yank of his hair—so hard this time, his glasses almost fell off his face. His scalp was screaming, but James’s brain whited out and a salacious smile stretched over his face. Bliss started in the bite of pain it seemed. 

His hands automatically reached up to land on Regulus’s hips. Without any restraint to the cuffs yet, he automatically tucked his head into Regulus’s collarbone, mouthing at the spot where the suit met his neck, as Regulus started massaging his scalp. Pushing and pulling on his hair, he let James kiss him all over for a few minutes. James was ravenous, wanting to leave his own marks despite the spandex between them. The suit felt just as good under his hands as he’d imagined. Regulus gave him only a few more seconds before taking back the reins. 

With a final yank of his hair, Regulus ordered, “All the way up, James. And hands to yourself.”

James smiled and scooted up the bed, leaning against the headboard. It was comfortable and plush, unlike the industrial frame. Regulus hopped off the bed and circled around, grabbing one of James’s hands with jerky movements. When James looked at him, he saw a feral animal staring back. Regulus’s hair was wild around his face, and his own grin held a lethal edge. 

While James was caught up in Regulus’s face, a click of a latch sounded. His wrist was suddenly attached to a bolted O-ring above the headboard. James yanked on it experimentally, and then, Regulus was latching the other wrist. It was as though he’d blinked and lost access to his arms. His whole body was exposed, from his armpits down to his hips, and James felt himself flush. He was completely at Regulus’s mercy again, just like their last scene, but this time he was so lavishly on display. Heart throbbing in his chest, lust dripped down his spine as his breath caught in his throat. 

“Fuck,” James whispered, and he felt his eyes glaze over. 

Regulus was doing something to his ankles, but it was like all the fight had bled right out of him. He slackened against the bed and rolled his head to the side. His body was throbbing at the different points Regulus had bit or sucked him. Cock filled out and standing proud in front of him, he looked down the length of his body to find Regulus latching his ankles to the ends of the metal bar. 

“O-oh?” James moaned. 

“A spreader bar,” Regulus explained, crawling up onto the bed. 

He experimentally tried to close his legs and couldn’t. 

“Oh, Christ,” James hissed, and Regulus ran his hands all over him. 

He expected pain or pleasure or attention to his dick, but Regulus was busy, it seemed, studying every inch of him. Breathing deep and trying to keep himself from swaying, James let his eyes flutter close and just feel. 

Regulus’s hands were soft, sometimes featherlight, sometimes rough. He scratched his skin in places, those manicured nails pinching deep, before letting his tongue trail behind them. Fractals of pleasure fissured through him, and he felt hot and cold all at the same time. His whole body was relaxed and riding waves of sensation. 

“Regulus…” James said, his voice completely disjointed from his body. 

“Yes?”

“Please…”

Regulus hummed something sinister before tweaking both his nipples sharply. 

“Ah!” James yelped, his body seizing, though he couldn’t go anywhere. 

His legs were spread and trapped to the mattress, and his arms were locked up by his ears. Regulus was perched and straddling James’s hips, his own lifted just high enough that James’s cock went untouched. He strained upward, trying to get any sort of friction on his dick. Shock ricocheted through him—the shock between how relaxed he’d been a second ago and how tense and jittery everything was now, was delicious. Ice was coursing through his veins, and he felt electricity shoot through every nerve, starting from his throat and bouncing down and out his hole.

Nipples sore and throbbing, he watched Regulus lean down to kiss each pec, rubbing his nose and face all across James’s wide chest. A sound rumbled through him, and James realized he was moaning again, desperate for something to give. Instead of any attention to his cock, Regulus kissed over to a nipple and sucked it into his mouth. James felt his eyes roll backward, and pleasure zinged from his tit down to his groin. 

Fuck, he thought maybe he could come from this alone. How humiliating would that be. 

Regulus meticulously went from one nipple to the other, back to leaving bites and marks all over his exposed skin. James let his head fall back against the headboard, that wash of pleasure wringing him, rendering him speechless. 

“Eyes on me, James,” Regulus ordered, grabbing at his hair and yanking his head forward again. 

James lolled, glasses barely hanging on. He felt his jaw go a little slack, but he mustered a grin to Regulus as he bent over to mouth at his cock. 

“This what you want, darling?”

“Yes,” James moaned. 

Regulus skirted his hands and fingers over the length, wrapping two digits loosely around the head. 

“What if this is all I give you?” Regulus pouted. 

“N-noo!”

“I bet if you really wanted it, you could come this way,” Regulus said, tone biting and sharp. 

“Please..!”

With a curt laugh, Regulus gripped a bit firmer and played his free hand down to James’s balls. Yes, yes yes, James thought as a thankful sound rolled through him. Regulus cupped him and stroked his cock, his fingers playing at the hidden entrance. A moment of confusion took James as he wondered if Regulus was going to finger him again. He didn’t see how that would work in this position, though. 

Regulus licked a hot stripe from base to tip, swirling at the head and lapping at the overflowing salty drops of precum. James was losing his mind. His cock was leaking a steady stream into Regulus’s mouth, now that it was being touched, and James wondered what he would taste on his tongue if they kissed right then. Pleasure zipped through him, and he felt his orgasm build in his throat. He wanted to arch off the bed and feel the hot, wet heat of Regulus’s mouth surround him. He felt his body kick underneath him. 

“Reg—’m gonna…”

Suddenly, everything stopped. James’s eyes flew wide open as he cried out from the loss of stimulation. He was so close and oh my god if he could just—

But, then, the moment was over and he hadn’t come. His cock stood red and angry before both of them, and James was sputtering and choking on the loss. He was vaguely aware that he was keening and muttering No, no no no no, and when the rushing of blood stopped whooshing in his ears, James heard Regulus laughing. 

“You are mean,” James hissed, breathing in and out of his mouth like he could keep himself from pitching over the edge. Nothing but air touched him where he wanted it most, and he was desperate to keep from finishing without any stimulation at all. He squeezed his eyes shut, almost desperate for a hand to fist the base of his cock to keep him from coming. But, he couldn’t. His hands were trapped. The thought of being so helpless had him groaning. 

“I think you like me mean,” Regulus said, a cocky grin all over that pretty mouth. 

Regulus hopped off and moved to the foot of the bed, where he took the spreader bar and lifted it. James watched with eyes blown wide as his legs lifted too. Regulus hooked the entire bar, up, and James was practically swinging from the bedframe. Most of his body was slack against the mattress, but with his arms still above him, aching now from the position, and his legs hanging from the bedframe, spread erotically apart, every part of him was accessible. 

James let out a thunderous groan as he watched Regulus climb back between his legs. He gave James a proud smile, and he reached for the black nitrile gloves. He pulled two out and onto his hands with a slap. 

“Color, James?”

“What?” James begged, so confused as to why there wasn’t anything touching him. 

“Give me your color.”

“O-ohh, green green green green!”

Regulus chuckled and beamed at him. 

Then, there was a bottle of lube held over him, and suddenly, everything was wet. Regulus drizzled it all over his cock and balls, watching it dribble down his frenulum to his entrance. Every sensation brought James closer to the edge, he wondered if Regulus would even get a finger in before James was shooting come. 

“You can’t come until I tell you,” Regulus said, as if he was reading James’s mind. 

James groaned and said, “I d-don't—I can’t!” 

“You can and you will.”

“Ffffuck.”

Gloves on, lube wet and everywhere, Regulus began again with vigor. 

James thought he might die. 

With hot wet pressure at his cock, Regulus reached to sink his middle finger into James. He wiggled and pressed, and before long, James was relaxed enough for him to add a second finger. It was incredibly overwhelming and the pleasure was delicious. He began scissoring open his fingers inside of him, pressing on his prostate, and thrusting in and out. 

“You look so good like this, James.”

“O-ohhh, fuck.”

Regulus laughed. “All strung up and pretty for me. I bet you’ll have little bruises all over your body tomorrow.”

He released his cock for only a moment to press into a bite mark. James winced and felt so utterly powerless, he could barely even move. 

Regulus let out a moan of his own when he seized James cock again—so, so hard. James instinctively let his gaze wander down Regulus’s body to see his own hard cock trapped underneath the zipper of his outfit. What was left of James’s brain cells wondered how Regulus was going to get off. Maybe he’d come inside his outfit, against all the pretty black fabric. 

“Fuck,” James cursed. “I’m close.”

“Already?” Regulus scoffed and the wash of humiliation had James seizing.

“Please, Regulus, I can’t—”

Regulus released him, and James just about bowled over like he’d been shot. His arms strained, automatically trying to reach for his own cock to finish the job. He yanked and pulled against the binds, the cuffs and O-ring not budging in the slightest. The potential pleasure rinsed down his balls and settled uncomfortably in his hip joints. 

“Fuck fuck fuck,” James cursed, hissing and yanking at his restraints. He was going to have bruises everywhere tomorrow. 

“Goodness, aren’t you a sight,” Regulus whistled. He touched a wet finger to the places James was sure his veins were popping out. 

James wondered if Regulus was thinking of their shared knife and blood kinks. It was one of the ones James was positive of after his run in with Barty, and Regulus’s own form had indicated he liked blood play and knife play. James was terrified, but maybe someday cum and sweat and lube wouldn’t be the only fluids to stain this bed. 

“Fuck,” James hissed again. 

“What are you thinking about in that pretty little head of yours?”

James' eyes rolled every which way as he tried to focus on Regulus. “Thinkin’ of…fluids.”

Regulus’s eyes went wide and then a laugh seized him so hard he let his head fall backward. James sobered and smiled, momentarily shaken at the unfettered joy radiating from his dominant. 

“Tell me more, darling,” Regulus said when he could. His eyes were like blue fire.

“U-um,” James said, his cock still bobbing and aching before them. He was grateful for the distraction, grateful to be pulled away from the edge. “I wondered if you were planning on coming in your suit.”

Regulus stood up on his knees and lewdly thrust his clothed cock forward, almost touching it to James’s. He arched a bit, wanting so fucking bad for their cocks to rub together. He bit down on his tongue and hissed when the thought alone had his cock kicking. 

Regulus was so fucking lewd, he reached forward and gathered up James’s precum and lube onto his slick gloves, rubbing it all over his clothed cock while James could only watch, enraptured by the pornographic display before him. When the material was slick and shiny with James’s own fluids, Regulus looked up at him, a cerise flush sitting on his cheeks. His black curls were stark against his pale skin, and the swirl of red and white and black against emerald green had James tripping in jewel tones. 

“Like this?”

“Fuck me, Reg,” James hissed. 

“Maybe one day, Jamie.” Regulus winked.

Before another word could be spoken, Regulus had two fingers back inside him and a slicked up hand working his cock again. 

“Fuck!” 

“Okay, darling,” Regulus said. “I want you to come this time. You’ve been so fucking good for me.”

The praise rippled through James, almost more powerful than anything they’d done so far. 

“It-it's not g-gonna take long,” James hissed. 

“That’s perfect, I want to see it. Desperate for it.” 

Pleasure skyrocketed through James’s body like fireworks, and somehow Regulus kept him on the edge for much longer than he’d ever known. Searing heat coursed through him and he thought for a second that he might explode. Or piss himself. He wanted to come so bad, but he never wanted this to end. This was stronger, headier than anything he’d ever experienced, the whole scene an exploration of exposure. 

James clasped his hands together and practically lifted his whole body off the bed when he came. His legs went taught, his abs clenched, and his arms flexed so hard that when stripes of come began shooting out of him, he felt like he was a bowstring that had finally snapped under the pressure. 

His vision whited out, and he felt his breath, jagged and sharp, sawing in and out of him. He was making sounds he’d never made before, his body and muscles and bones burning inside his skin.

“Oh, James,” Regulus praised. “Fuck, James, yes.”

He was still crying out, somewhere lost to time, held only to the earth between Regulus’s expert hands. 

Regulus stroked him and milked his prostate for a few more seconds, moving slowly to pinch the come out of his cock, squeezing from base to tip to make sure he saw every last drop. 

Before James could fully relax, Regulus sucked his cock into his mouth. James yelped and twitched against his binds. With a devil’s tongue, Regulus sucked and stroked and lapped at his softening cock like it was his oral fixation. 

And right when it was just on the edge of too much, James hissed, and Regulus pulled off with a sinful pop. 

“Oh,” James breathed, all fight and energy bleeding out of him in waves. He sagged against the bed, his head falling behind his shoulders. He was wet everywhere, sweat and heat swirly and clinging to his skin. His shoulders gave out, and he hung from the O-ring.

Regulus didn’t say a word as he released the spreader bar from its latch. Down came James’s legs, and they sank into the mattress with a dull ache in his hamstrings. He unfastened the ankle cuffs and pressed a small kiss into each joint. Next came his arms, and James tried his hardest to keep them from falling gracelessly, but as soon as the cuffs were unclipped from the O-ring, his arm dropped to his side with a thud. He could hardly stay sitting upright once all the binds were removed. 

Thankfully, oh James was so thankful, Regulus gently rolled him to his side, and he curled into a ball. He felt a smile on his face, but he had no idea what else he looked like to Regulus. Did it matter? He’d been simply unraveled. 

But, oh, where did Regulus go?

James began to shiver as warmth bled from his limbs. He felt weak when he couldn’t move a muscle. He took a deep breath and as soon as he was about to panic, Regulus was there. 

A warm washcloth blotted at his hole, his balls, his cock. James tried to help lift his thigh so he could have better access, but Regulus shushed him gently and moved him about as he wanted. When James was sufficiently clean and dry, suddenly there was a blanket around him, and Regulus was in front of him.

“You did so well, James,” Regulus whispered. 

“Mmmm,” James replied, nestling deeper into the plush blanket. A strong feeling of weightedness held him firmly in place, the bed encouraging rest.  “Thank you.”

Regulus’s flush deepened and he replied, “It’s my pleasure, darling.”

*

Regulus

*

James was curled into a ball, shivering and simpering under the black blanket. Red marks circled his wrists and ankles where he’d tested the strength of the leather cuffs—Regulus had been wide eyed and impressed that he’d been able to lift himself completely off the mattress. Regulus, with his fingers still in James’ ass, hand barely stroking at all, had felt when James went over the edge. He’d practically clamped off his fingers with how hard he finished. He was grateful, in that moment, that the handyman that had installed the O-ring and the bedframe had ensured that the bearing load was far more than the weight or strength of James and Regulus combined. It was certainly worth the side eye he’d received from the man.

Regulus moved to sit closer to James, rubbing comforting circles on his back, and tried his very hardest to level his own buzzing feelings. His hard-on was waning in the wake of the actual play, but he couldn’t get the vision of James's straining muscles and sweaty flush out of his head. He'd been a vision of masculinity and strength, cock hard and proud, going almost purple when he'd brought him to the edge that last time. Regulus wanted the sight tattooed on the inside of his eyelids, ready to play back anytime he wanted. 

He had never felt such a rush of power before. He'd played quite a bit when he was in med school, and a handful of times before settling into monogamy, but he'd never had such a sturdy person under his hands. Regulus wasn’t afraid that James would break—didn’t feel the need to keep his feral desires tamped down. When James had smirked after that first bite, one of which Regulus had not held back, he knew James could take it. Whatever Regulus wanted to do to him, James would take it with a satisfied smile. 

He still acted with caution, though. James was so responsive, so beautiful under his touch that he didn't feel he had to do much to get him where Regulus wanted him. Even if he was solid and rugged enough to withstand Regulus, old habits died hard, and he didn’t want to push it too far too fast. 

Maybe…maybe soon he'd be able to totally let go, and James would be there to bear the totality of his domination. Maybe.

“Mmmmmm,” James hummed, slowly coming back from his blissed out state.

His face was so soft. Regulus was a bit worried about his glasses, which were pressed against his nose and cheekbones, but he didn't remove them.

Instead, he took a silent breath and told himself they needed to move. “James? You with me?”

“Mmmyeah,” James said, brown eyes fluttering open and finding Regulus. He smiled.

“What do you say we move to the couch? I'll get you some tea,” Regulus said softly, feeling tenderness settle in his bones.

“Chai?”

Regulus smiled, heart thudding a beat. “Sure, darling. Up you go.”

James wobbled a bit, but let Regulus move him out of the playroom and onto the couch, black blanket tucked snugly around his body. He laid his head against the cushions and tucked his feet underneath the blanket, striking Regulus with how soft and trusting he was. All at once it occurred to him that he really had all the power here. James was too open, too vulnerable. He swallowed hard and steeled himself; he needed to keep it together. He could think about these things later. 

Regulus grabbed for the remote, and the TV started auto playing the last video he'd been watching. He felt himself flush as the ESPN recording of the latest Boston vs Montreal game started back up from where Regulus had been watching it earlier that day. Tell tale hockey sounds came through the speakers, and it was like a switch turned on in James. He opened his eyes a little wider and sat up a little straighter. Regulus was torn between feeling embarrassed and wanting to see James's reaction.

“Oh,” James mumbled. “I wanted to see this one.”

Regulus stared at him. Sleepy, naked, pretty James was bleary eyed and worn out, still coming around from the scene. He watched the game with a soft smile on his face, and Regulus had to pinch his own thigh to get himself to leave and get the kettle going. 

“I’m going to change really quick,” he announced, once the tea and spices were steeping and cooling. He’d add the milk right before serving it. 

“Mmm okay,” James said. Good, he sounded more and more normal. 

Regulus rushed to peel off the spandex suit, arousal still swirling in his gut without an outlet. He ignored that for the moment in order to dress in sweats and a UVM hoodie. When he got back, he grabbed the mugs, adding just the right amount of milk and sugar before checking the temperature. James hadn’t been good about waiting until his drink cooled in the past, so he opted for safety this time. 

He tucked the mug into James’s grasp, avoiding the sleepy, dreamy gaze that draped itself over Regulus’s face and body. Then, he sat to watch the game. 

It was the perfect form of aftercare, he thought idly. Without wanting to get into too much intimate physical touch, without wanting to get into the same predicament as last time, he could still care for James, make sure he was okay. 

The game was tied, just after the start of the third period, when Boston scored on Montreal. 

“No,” Regulus scoffed.

“Yeah!” James exclaimed, at the same time. 

They looked at each other, wide eyed and stunned, before laughing. 

“You’re not a Bruins fan?” James said, smiling like he’d struck gold. 

“Absolutely not,” Regulus tutted. “I grew up in Vermont, James. I am practically obligated to root for Montreal.”

James, apparently, found this hilarious. 

The game continued, and Regulus enjoyed watching along his supposed rival. It was incredibly entertaining to watch James come back to himself, making snide comments about the Montreal refs and bogus calls. Regulus didn’t care that much about the game, though he’d been a Canadiens fan since he was young. It was just fun to watch with someone else.

“Do you need anything?” Regulus asked after a while.

“I could go for a smoke,” James said, sighing and letting his head fall back against the cushions. He was a vision of relaxation. 

Regulus leveled him with a stare. “I’m a doctor, James. I don’t have anything to smoke.”

“I’m just sayin’!” He laughed. “A spliff would literally be perfect.”

Regulus chuckled. It would be nice, actually. That perfect combination of cannabis and tobacco would’ve been divine. Alas.

“Actually, I suppose I should go,” James said, moving to get up. 

“Oh,” Regulus said with a frown. Was it time..? Wasn’t it too soon?

“This was fucking fantastic,” James said, eyes twinkling as he looked over. 

“It was,” Regulus agreed, looking for any sign that James was still in need of anything from him. He was sort of looking for a reason to get him to stay a bit longer, even though the game had ended and their mugs were empty.

If he was acting according to playtimes-past, this would be the time he would send his partner on their way. He’d never hesitated like this before…He just didn’t feel so sure with James, wasn’t sure he was ready to let him go.

But before he could object, James was padding to the bathroom to change. Regulus frowned, confused at the conflict swirling behind his sternum. Wasn’t this all going too fast? Why did it feel like James was slipping through his fingers? 

When he reemerged, Regulus stood helplessly and watched him walk to the door to slip his shoes on. 

“So, yeah, see you in two weeks, then?” James said, looking up through his floppy, frizzy hair. 

“Yes,” Regulus said. 

“And you won’t bail on me?” James said it with a half-laugh, but it shot through Regulus like a bullet through paper. 

“I won’t,” he said, feeling small. 

“Do you…um,” James said, finally hesitating. Regulus wanted to exhale in relief, finally feeling not so alone in these weird, strange emotions. “Can I text, or, um, call? You know, if I have questions.”

“Of course,” Regulus smiled. “Anytime, James.”

A little flush bloomed on James’s cheeks and Regulus sort of wanted to cry. Things felt a little more normal with James acting bashful. Whatever had come over him a few minutes ago, it would be okay. They were okay. 

“Cool,” he smiled. “See you, then.”

“Yeah,” Regulus breathed.

Then, James was gone. 

Regulus stared at the door for several minutes, paralyzed by the way the room had noticeably cooled. Almost as though James took all the warmth with him when he left. 

Chapter Text

Can’t you hear it in the silence?

Can’t you hear me calling out your name?

I’ve got something burning

And coursing through these cold veins.

In the words we speak, babe

Somehow I get lost in between

When to suffer in silence

Or to break it all with each breath that we breathe.

*

James

* 

“Just a sec!”

James chuckled as he stood outside of Lily and Mary’s apartment. It was a few hours before he was supposed to meet Sirius outside of the Regal, in black-tie, with his camera. He’d panicked when he woke up that morning, desperate for the girls’ help. He had no idea what Sirius meant by “taming the mane”, nor did he know how to apply any sort of eye color or makeup in general. He didn’t even know why he was so keen on following Sirius’s instructions. He just knew that Regulus was going to be there, and he was nervous to surprise him, even if Sirius was going to be his “date.” 

The door flew open, and a girl who looked like Lily beamed at him. But…no this couldn’t be Lily, his best friend, the girl next door, the beautiful, red-haired girl he’d known his whole life. He gasped, and she smiled so wide her face was about to burst.

“Lily…what did you do?” James felt his heart stop.

“Do you like it?!” That was definitely Lily’s voice. 

But why was it coming out of a brunette?!

“You dyed your hair?!” He squealed. Mary was practically losing her shit in the background. Her laughter and Lily’s bright eyes were the only thing that had his heart picking itself back up. 

“Yes! I decided last night! What do you think?”

“I, uh,” James looked to Mary as Lily ushered him inside the apartment. She gave him two thumbs up behind Lily’s back, so he smiled and looked back at his friend. His dark-brown haired best friend. “I love it!” 

“Oh my god, do you really? It’s so different!”

“Yes,” he nodded, eyes still wide and unblinking. “Different.”

“Oh my god, Potter. It's just hair! It will grow back!” She rolled her eyes and moved to the small kitchen to put on tea. 

“Are you sure?” He worried. 

Mary was practically cackling. 

“Mary!” Lily chided. 

“Sorry, love, but his face was so fucking priceless,” Mary said, giggling and rolling around in her pajamas. 

“I’m sorry, Lil, it was just a shock,” James placated. “It looks lovely on you, really. I just…had no idea.”

“Did you forget people can change their avatar again?”

“Mary, that’s such a weird way to say that,” James grinned. “I’m not a SIM.”

“You are in my game. I have you as TimothéeChalamet’s boyfriend, so be nice to me.”

“You’re the most brilliant, actually. Goddess of my life,” James said quickly, hopping over to her to bend and kiss her knuckles. 

She playfully swatted at him.

“Speaking of celebrities,” Lily said, dunking a teabag into a mug. “Where exactly are you going tonight?”

“The Regal, the Times Square one,” James said, plopping down on their ratty couch. Mary snuggled into him instantly. 

“Why are you always so warm?” 

“I carry the sun inside me,” James deadpanned. 

“So, you’re doing the House of Black premiere?”

Lily’s head whipped up at that. 

“Stop, no, you’re doing the House of Black premiere?!” Lily squealed.

“Um,” James dithered. “Yes? I guess?”

“I cannot believe it! That’s huge, James!” 

“I honestly had no idea about it before Sirius invited me. What’s the movie about?” James asked, accepting a mug of tea from Lily. Green with some honey. He smiled gratefully at her. 

“It’s not like a movie-movie. It's the documentary about the Black sisters!” 

“The ones that are like…super famous? Like, Kardashian famous?” He asked, sipping on too-hot tea.

“Yes!” They both answered. 

“That feels…big,” James said, tongue burnt and nervous suddenly. “Why the hell would Sirius invite me to something that huge?”

“Who knows, but you’re going! You cannot back out. Please let us live vicariously through you!” Mary begged. 

“Never said I was going to back out,” James laughed. Then in a smaller voice and with darting eyes, he added, “Regulus is going to be there.”

The girls both hopped on their knees beside him and screamed nonsensical things at him. He chuckled and tried to parse through their chaos, catching a “shut up!” and a “the twink!?” before he started totally laughing now. This was exactly why getting ready for anything was ten times better with his friends. 

“Regulus, the hot doctor slash tall twink slash kinky fucker?” Mary asked, eyebrows wiggling all over the place. 

“That’s the one,” James admitted, heat blooming in his cheeks. He scratched at his neck, hoping they wouldn’t notice the two hickeys. Actually though, they could probably help him cover those. 

“Ah, this is so exciting! Getting to see the Black Sisters, who are supposed to be in attendance at the premiere, then also getting to sidle up to your dreamboat!”

“Lily, oh my god, what if James gets to meet them?!” Mary said. 

“I know, I know. Wait, James, if you can, oh my god, try to get their picture,” Lily ushered in. “Can you imagine?”

“Guys, okay, I have three hours,” James said, looking at his phone. 

He had a text from Regulus waiting for him. His heart stuttered then skipped right into overdrive. He put it away before he could see the preview and overheat. He needed to focus. 

“Right, okay. You have a suit? Tell me you have a suit,” Lily said, jumping up and looking ready to assist. 

“Yes, I brought my tux.”

“The one you wore to my cousin’s wedding?”

“That’s the one,” James beamed. 

“Oh you look so good in that one,” Lily said with a bright smile. Her green eyes were gleaming. 

“Is that the one that’s got the navy sheen to it? Looks kinda emerald in some lighting?” Mary asked. 

“Yes!”

“Oh fuck, babe, you’re going to be the hottest one there,” Mary grinned at him. 

James felt a little bit like a puppy as he smiled back at his friends. They immediately started making plans, bustling around the living room like it was a studio. James hopped up to set his camera bag in the bedroom, out of the way of any accidental bumps. Then, he hopped to the en suite bathroom and shut the door, sat on the toilet seat, and exhaled purposefully before taking out his phone. 

Regulus Black 1:52PM
Hello, James. How are you today?

James Potter 2:04PM
You sound like a CEO. Maybe next time I’ll call you Mr. Grey. 

Regulus Black 2:07PM
Sup Jimmy. Hows it hangin’

James laughed, totally out loud, and totally where he knew his friends could hear. His blush rioted up to his hairline. 

James Potter 2:08PM
That’s awful. Please never do that again

Regulus Black 2:08PM
I’m going to assume you’re doing just fine, then. 

James Potter 2:09PM
Oh, is this a check-up call from Dr. Black?

Regulus Black 2:09PM
It is indeed. I wanted to make sure you didn’t drift off to oblivion after our scene last night.

James was delighted. Regulus really had no idea they were about to see one another again so soon.

James Potter 2:11PM
I’m doing great :) How are you, sir?

Regulus Black 2:13PM
I might have to instate another rule.

James frowned and cocked his head. 

James Potter 2:13PM
Whats wrong?

Regulus Black 2:13PM
You should not call me sir while I’m in public.

James grinned like the devil. 

James Potter 2:14PM
Oh no, did i make you hard? ;)

Regulus Black 2:14PM
No comment.

James Potter 2:15PM
Pics or I don’t believe oyu
you*
Shit lol

James rolled his eyes at his stupid typo. The three dots popped up, then disappeared, and after a few minutes he wondered if maybe he shouldn’t have said that. He was flirting too close to the sun. Regulus was clearly just checking up on him, like a good dom, and James couldn’t help but play a bit. They hadn’t made any sort of rules about flirting, so he felt inclined to push his luck. But, maybe he should’ve played it safe, seeing as how they were still brand new to this. 

But, then, just as he was about to leave and go join Lily and Mary, who were putting on music and obviously already dancing, a picture came through. 

Of Regulus. 

In dress pants. Only dress pants.

With the outline of his cock, definitely visible. 

James Potter 2:19PM
Okay I believe you wer right. now i’m hard..

Regulus Black 2:19PM
Pics or I don’t believe oyu.
You*
Shit ;)

“Oh, not fair,” James groaned, his smile going lopsided. He idly palmed his cock, which had been slowly filling out against his thigh. 

He stared at Regulus’s photo, wondering if he was also getting ready for the event they were about to go to, or if it was just what he wore outside of the hospital. 

James had never seen him in street clothes, always dressed so elegantly, so regally. In the photo, a casual bathroom mirror photo, Regulus’s face was hidden by his phone, but James could peep a blush coloring his hidden ears and cheeks. His hair was half finished, it looked like, with the curls tamed on one side and fluffy and frizzy on the other. His free hand was wrapped around his bare waist, highlighting how dainty he was. James could see a pink nipple, and he groaned in his head. His model-like frame was shown off by the fitted slacks buttoned tightly at his waist. Just below his arm was the tell-tale sign of a hard-on, and James wanted so badly to be there, kneeling in front of him. Maybe Regulus would let him mouth at his cock. Maybe Regulus would let him suck him off. 

When he was sufficiently aroused and aching, he angled his phone in Lily’s large mirror, and gripped his cock with his free hand. Wow, he’d never done this before. His dick looked huge. What the fuck. He shivered with want when the camera clicked, and he wondered if maybe he had needed to more strongly indicate his interest in exhibitionism. Before he could second guess himself, he fired the picture off to Regulus. 

His response was instant. Like he’d been waiting. 

“James! What are you doing in there?” Lily called, making James jump.

“If you’re shitting in there—”

“Mary!” 

“I’ll be out in just a sec,” James laughed. 

Apparently that was all he needed to get his dick to cooperate. He reached down to adjust himself, tucking his length into his waistband. He looked back at his phone.

Regulus Black 2:25PM
What a good boy. So hard for me.

James Potter 2:25PM
Fuck.
Okay, yeah i see what you mean about getting hard in public now.

Regulus Black 2:26PM
I’d require it as a rule, but I have a feeling you’d be naughty regardless.

James Potter 2:26PM
Youre probably right
Shit i’m supposed to go out and see my friends, what the hell am i supposed to do now

Regulus Black 2:27PM
You’re a smart man. You’ll figure something out, I’m sure. 

James Potter 2:28PM
Youre so mean

Regulus Black 2:28PM
You like me mean.

James really fucking did. 

Shit, he really needed to get it together. His cock was stiffening up again, and he really couldn’t be out here flashing his best friends. 

After several breaths, he pocketed his phone and exited the bathroom, sans hard-on. 

It was a whirlwind, and Lily and Mary worked in flashes around him—ordering him to shave, then slathering him with moisturizers and toners and whatever other serums and shit they had to make him glow. Then, they applied a bit of makeup to his eyes and face and ordered him to dress. He was pleased to see his suit had been steamed by one of the girls, and he was exceedingly grateful. He honestly didn’t know what he would’ve done without them. 

When he exited, Mary was texting someone and Lily made a proud-gasping sound. 

“You look amazing!” She fussed around him, pulling his lapels and adjusting his tie. 

“You really do,” Mary said, looking up from her phone. 

“Thanks. You guys really know how to dress me up,” James said bashfully. 

“Let’s all thank Effie and Monty for gifting all their hot genes to Jamie,” Mary giggled and winked at him. Her black curls were wild around her face and she was beaming at him. 

“Stooop,” James blushed. 

“Mister Doctor tall-twink dom better mark down ‘praise kink’ otherwise, he’s missing a very obvious mark,” Mary played. 

“Oh my god,” James was sure he was red everywhere. 

“Oh, did we tell you?” Lily, thankfully, changed the subject. “That girl you brought over last month? Dorcas? She’s coming over for Taylor Swift night tonight!” 

“That’s amazing!” James smiled so wide he felt his dimples. He was beyond happy that Lily, Mary and Dorcas had gotten along. Though he didn’t pin Dorcas as a Swiftie, it was super cool that they were going to hang out. Almost made James wish he was going to party with them tonight. Almost. 

“Yeah, she’s fun,” Mary said with a smile. “I wonder if she started dating that one girl?”

“The one with the blonde hair?” 

“Yeah!”

James tuned out a bit as his friends started to gossip, knowing that once they got on the topic of their friends’ sex lives, they wouldn’t let up for a while. He looked down at his phone, seeing that he only had a little under an hour now. He should go. 

He was so eager, so fucking eager, he could hardly stand being in this apartment for one more second rather than seeing his Mister-Doctor-Tall-Twink-Dom of a crush. 

*

Regulus

* 

Regulus slid on the pretty emerald pinky ring and stretched his head left and right to try and let out the tension from his shoulders. It wasn’t often he would be in the company of so many people, including his cousins. Even if he was happy to be spending time with his brother, he wasn’t sure he had it in him to do this sort of thing often. 

Andromeda always invited them to their shoots, insisting that they could be a part of their show if they wanted. “People love you pretty boys, and hot shot lawyers and sexy doctors are always fun.” She’d told him once. To which Sirius immediately refused with a catty wink. Regulus knew that he was rejecting her with flair because, one: that’s just who he was, but two: he didn’t want to bring law and order into his daily life. And co-starring on a reality television show was definitely somewhere in the realm of client confidentiality conflict. Or so, it seemed. Regulus had refused with similar vigor. 

Though, he just didn’t really like having cameras on him.

With maybe one exception.

With a final glance at himself in his floor length mirror, he ran his hands down his all black ensemble one more time, feeling nostalgic apathy blanket him. 

He hadn’t been to this kind of event in a long time. Not since his parents were still around, he guessed. The last time he saw Andy, Cissy, and Bella was at some over-the-top holiday event. There’d been cameras and people, so many people, that Regulus had left early despite Avery’s protests. His boyfriend couldn’t get enough of the wealthy hubbub, but Regulus had enough for a lifetime just from his formative years. Sirius hadn’t even attended that one. 

Actually…Sirius hadn’t attended any of the events that Regulus had brought Avery to. 

He frowned, wondering why that bothered him so much, even years later. The idea that Sirius had never gotten to know Avery sat uncomfortably in his gut. Looking back…was Avery the reason Sirius had kept his distance from Regulus? Why he and Remus had moved all the way across the country? Unless…was Sirius avoiding Regulus? He shifted in his suit, feeling like his skin was a little too tight all of a sudden. 

Regulus opted to drive his car instead of taking the train. Sue him, he had a dramatic streak, same as the rest of his family. He kept the top down, feeling a little brazen, as he drove his black BMW M3 toward the Regal. The late August wind was a tad chilly, but he supposed if Sirius was still biking for the season, he could handle a little wind chill. He hoped it would make him look dashing and windswept, the sun coloring his cheeks and brightening his eyes. 

Cameras flashed as he pulled up, and he exited, feeling apathetic and blasé as the lights shuttered all around him. He knew his expression was blank, but he clicked his teeth as he handed the valet his keys and moved to button his jacket, with his ring showcased. He turned his cheek and several cameras flashed, and he hoped he didn’t look too tired. Hoped whatever picture that showed up on the tabloids about his cousins’ movie premiere didn’t look too bad. 

“Dr. Black!” A familiar voice called, and his eyes refocused toward the entrance of the theatre. Everything was golden and busy and shining with the early evening light, and as he walked towards the front doors, he caught a very familiar, very welcome sight. 

James Potter was standing there, next to Sirius, slowly lowering his camera down from having clearly taken a photo of Regulus. 

His face was most certainly not expressionless after seeing James. 

His heart lurched unexpectedly in his chest, emotions surging through him that he hadn’t ever felt before. James was here. James was here. 

He grinned and practically ran up to join his brother and newfound friend. 

“What in the world are you doing here?” Regulus asked in a breathless voice. 

“I invited him, of course,” Sirius said, pulling Regulus’s attention away from James for the first time. “He’s my date.”

Regulus barked a laugh, his head throwing back a little. 

“Alright, then,” Regulus said, looking back at James who was flushed pink, and wow he looked good. 

Sirius, who was wearing a wine-colored, lacey, corseted affair, wrapped his hand around James’s arm, and if Regulus wasn’t exceedingly aware that his brother was happily married to the love of his life, he would’ve growled at him. 

James was wearing a well-fitted tuxedo that was black, but somehow shimmered like an oil slick, iridescent with purples and greens and blues depending on the angle; a prism of light shimmered rainbows where the sun hit the fabric. A slim black tie sat in an elegant Eldridge knot at the base of his throat, the very spot Regulus knew James was the most sensitive. That thought alone made Regulus want to grab him and find some dark corner to do very naughty things. He tried not to think about how pretty a collar would look instead of the tie.

“You look…” James tried. Opened his mouth, then closed it, his eyes looking him up and down like he couldn’t get enough of just looking. 

“Go on,” Regulus grinned darkly. “Use your words, darling.”

“Okay,” Sirius tugged on James. “None of that, please. I am an innocent man.”

Regulus rolled his eyes as Sirius dragged a ring covered hand through his hair. 

“Stunning,” James said. “You look stunning.”

Their eyes were locked on each other for a beat too long before Regulus was vaguely aware that cameras were flashing at him, whispers and questions posed. He swallowed at the flare of anxiety in his chest, but James looked casual, as though he had no problem around so many people, so much attention. It made him want to drown in his energy, the security of his presence. Regulus felt grounded, safe, under James’s beautiful gaze. 

“Let’s go inside, you two,” Sirius said with a smile, pulling on his ‘date.’

Just then, the crowd of paparazzi erupted in volume as a large white limo pulled up in front of the wide red carpet. The three of them turned curiously. 

“Ah, looks like the girls have arrived,” Sirius murmured. 

Out came their cousins, Bellatrix Black first. Her long black hair was plaited in an extravagant braid, curls wispy around her thin, heart shaped face. She looked the most like Sirius, in Regulus’s opinion—curls the same shade of inky black, and eyes sharp and cunning. She wore an elegant emerald green satin dress that hugged every inch of her, low cut and thin strapped, showing off her décolletage elegantly. She had minimal makeup, which was somewhat strange for her. Regulus always knew her to wear heavy, almost gothic styles of eyeliner and striking contrasting colors to her pale skin. Now, her lips were a pale pink, and she wore only two black dots under her eyes, at the centers of the apples of her cheeks. Somehow it made her eyes look wide and doe-eyed. 

Narcissa was next. Wearing a deep navy dress that covered every inch of her body, turtlenecked up to her chin, she looked like the siren sea made manifest. Her platinum hair was straight and fell around her face so perfectly, it was as though she was wearing a veil of silk. Her nails were black and long and sharp, the contrast of her dress and skin and hair so well put together, she needed no extra jewelry or makeup. Her eyes were bare and unpainted, the storming color of her irises brightening like lightning as the cameras flashed all around. 

Andromeda exited last, as always a stark difference between her two very dramatic sisters. Her brown hair was lightly coiffed around her face, but hung in loose, casual waves down her shoulders and back. Her dress was white and lacey, giving her an almost Victorian vibe, with a thick black velvet bow at her neck. Mesh netting and tulle flowed around her frame, holding pretty appliques of flowers and vines and leaves collecting and gathering at her feet. Like she’d taken a walk through the forest and her dress had picked up the stray foliage. She’d colored her lips in a deep maroon and swiped her eyelids with eyeliner. 

James was clicking his camera so fast, Regulus wondered if in the span of sixty seconds, he’d gotten over a hundred photos. 

Sirius smirked at Regulus behind James’s back. 

“Aren’t they pretty, James?”

“Yeah, I can see why my friends were all jealous of me being able to come here tonight,” James said, barely pausing his shuttering. Regulus counted at least three more clicks as he spoke. 

“Your friends? I thought I was your bestest friend?” Sirius pouted dramatically. Regulus grinned.

“Nah, that spot’s taken, mate,” James looked over at Sirius then, giving him a wink. 

“Absolutely unfair. I must meet this person and duel them for your affection,” Sirius crossed his arms. 

“They are gorgeous, though,” James continued, looking back at their cousins without his camera this time. He adjusted his glasses with his middle finger.

“Well, of course,” Sirius said. “They are Blacks.”

Regulus watched James pause, his mouth popping open. It was like he could see the lightbulb go off inside his head. Regulus pinched his lips between his teeth to keep from laughing. 

“You all are related?!” James ping ponged his eyes between Sirius, Regulus, and their cousins that were now approaching. 

“Jamesy James, did you not put that one together?”

“They are our cousins,” Regulus explained.

“House of Black…” James whooshed, looking absolutely shocked. “Oh my god, Lily is going to freak.”

“The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black to be precise,” Sirius said with a roll of his eyes. 

“I had absolutely no idea,” James said, eyes finding Regulus then. “So…you guys are like, rich rich.”

“Siri! Reggie!” Andy said, bounding up to them. 

She wrapped Sirius into a happy embrace before turning to Regulus, eyes sparkling and wide. 

“I’m so glad you both made it!” 

“Wouldn’t miss it,” Regulus smiled back at her. Don’t tell anyone, but Andy was his favorite cousin. 

“Cissy and Bella being nice to you?” 

“No, but that’s the fun,” Andy said with a wink. 

“I suppose without the sibling drama, we wouldn’t be standing here,” Regulus grinned. 

Andromeda hugged him finally, and then, when she released him, she turned to James, who had Sirius on his arm again. 

“Now, I know you are married, Sirius, so unless you’re in a poly situation that I’m unaware of, I’m guessing this is… an escort?”

James flushed right up to his hairline, shoulders inching toward his ears by the second. Regulus wished he had a camera this time. 

“I’m, um, I’m James,” James said when no one introduced him. 

“He’s my date!” Sirius beamed like a schoolgirl. 

Regulus scoffed and rolled his eyes again. 

Andy just laughed and gave James a kiss on the cheek in greeting. 

“Do you all do that?” James asked, bashful and sweet, and Regulus was dying a little. 

“Do what?”

“The kiss on the cheek greeting thing?” he asked Sirius, then flicking his eyes over to Regulus. 

“I never thought about it, but I guess so,” Sirius said. 

“Cissy, Bella! Come meet James!” 

“Oh, no,” James looked like he wanted to disappear into the background. 

“Alright, darling?” Regulus asked him, and James’s eyes went so wide. Christ, Regulus really wanted to eat him whole. He was being so sweet.

“I’m, erm, not used to being the center of attention,” James said, and Regulus was vaguely aware that they were still standing in the center of the red carpet, outside the Regal, with about fifty cameras on them. 

Bellatrix and Narcissa joined them, moving eerily similarly to one another as always, and James reluctantly looked away from Regulus to extend his hand. They both pointedly ignored his hand and opted to give him their own kiss-on-the-cheek greeting. Regulus laughed to himself as James went ever increasingly red and shy. 

They exchanged pleasantries before the girls needed to go inside for their premiere. 

“My,” James breathed once they were inside the movie theatre. 

Suddenly, it was just the two of them in the middle of a crowd. Sirius, having disappeared somewhere, left James and Regulus standing close. The smell of popcorn and the bustle of voices made Regulus feel much more normal than he had outside with all the cameras. He felt like a young boy again, and for a moment, he could pretend he was about to go into the dark theatre and make out with this person he’d been having all these feelings for. 

“Seems you weren’t expecting all this,” Regulus said, clasping his hands behind his back and leaning just a tad into James’ space. 

“Not at all,” James chuckled. “This is wild. I had no idea what I was going to be walking into a couple hours ago.”

“Sirius didn’t tell you?”

“Not a damn thing,” James said, grinning like mad. “I just knew you’d be here, so.”

“You planned on ambushing me?” Regulus gave him a dark smirk. 

“N-no! Um,” oh there was that pretty blush again. Regulus was a little too far gone for this man, he realized. “All Sirius told me was to show up and bring my camera. I didn’t even know it was this movie premiere until a couple hours ago.”

James looked around, purposefully not meeting Regulus’s eyes, when he saw the mark. 

The bite mark that was poorly concealed by makeup, right there, on James’s neck. 

The mark that Regulus had made on him only the night before. 

Flashes of their scene lit up in Regulus’s mind, and oh my, he really wanted to grab James by his lapels and drag him into the nearest bathroom. 

With almost horrified eyes, he watched himself reach up to press a finger into the bruise. 

James choked and a shiver ripped through him so visibly, Regulus almost let out a gasp. 

Shocked and wide hazel eyes found Regulus’s, and they stood there for a moment, both of their lips slightly agape. 

Regulus cleared his throat and removed his hand, brushing James’s jaw as he withdrew. 

“Sir,” James whispered, and suddenly the crowd disappeared. 

Sirius wasn’t in the room. Bella, Cissy, and Andy didn’t exist. This plane of reality shifted, and it was just them. Green-brown eyes wide with curiosity and need and everything Regulus had ever wanted looking right back at him, through him, and he felt as though he was standing on the edge of a knife. Vertigo swam in his brain and ears, the axis of the world tilting beneath him, and he was unable to keep the ground under his feet. 

He felt like he was falling. 

He saw visions of the two of them over and over, like he was spying on other universes, his other lives that he wouldn’t ever know: James kissing him in a lavish vintage-looking dorm room, Regulus writing him letters with a quill pen, James holding him and pressing into him with such devotion it made them both shiver, Regulus drowning and crying out for James with his last breath, James holding Regulus over and over, in love and in death and in life. 

Years in the future, when Regulus looked back on this moment, he would know that this was the moment that he had fallen for James Potter.

Yet, as he experienced it, the sickening and almost off-putting sensation of his heart thudding in his chest, eager and waiting to be handed over to the warm and safe hands of the man he’d only just started getting to know, Regulus wanted to flee. He wanted to run away and hide, curled up in a cupboard like he did when he was a child. He wanted to kiss James and make love to him. And he wanted to run away. He wanted to travel with James, see the world, and take him to his favorite places in Paris. And he wanted to run away. He wanted to wake up to James’s face, and make him coffee, checking to make sure the temperature wasn’t too hot. And he wanted to run away. He wanted to flog him and fuck him and make him scream and come all over him and mark him and make him bleed— 

And he wanted to run away. 

“Regulus?”

James was staring at him, like he’d just said a handful of words that Regulus hadn’t heard. The room came back into reality, and he realized they were standing there in the middle of the foyer. Everyone else had gone into the theatre and had taken their seats. 

“Are you alright?”

Regulus swallowed and cleared his throat. 

“Of course,” he said, a rasp in his voice that he couldn’t hide. 

James just smiled at him. Warm and safe and loving and tender and James. 

“Would you like to go inside?” 

Run away, Run away, Run away. 

“Lead the way,” Regulus replied. 

*

James

* 

After the premiere, Regulus drove James back to his apartment, Sirius having opted to go to his cousins’ after party, in the swankiest car he’d ever been in. There was a tense silence that James didn’t really understand, but he didn’t say anything to break it. The allure of the silence and tension around them was too delicious. It almost felt like an edge, one that promised pleasure once it broke. 

He snuck glances at Regulus’s hands, thin, strong fingers wrapped around the steering wheel, the dainty emerald ring on his pinky. The squall of air and sound swirled above them, whipping through their hair, unseasonably warm for this late at night, the metallic smell of a storm lingering in the wind. 

James wondered if Regulus was alright. He often wondered that, honestly. He hadn’t known the man long enough to make an assessment, but every so often, he saw the man drift. Like his mind was somewhere else entirely, Regulus would sometimes just…fade away. 

He had friends in University that would get like this. When the stress of their classes would become too much, or when they missed their hometowns too fiercely, or when they’d been overstimulated and malnourished, James knew people who would disappear into dark places. 

It was when Regulus mentioned France. It was when he spoke of Sirius and their parents. It was when Regulus had told him he was a sadist. 

It was when Regulus was on top of him, working him to an orgasm, that he caught a glimpse of it. 

Regulus, running away from him. 

James had never been in a romantic relationship before, but that didn’t mean he didn’t know how to care for someone. His mother was prone to depressive episodes, and he’d learned how to care for her. His best friend had bipolar, and he knew when she was swinging too high or too low. His father had PTSD from a childhood trauma, and he knew what that looked like too. 

James would never make an assumption about Regulus, or whatever it was that pulled his mind away, but he knew he could handle it. He could care for Regulus, if he was allowed to. He knew he could.

“Thank you for today,” Regulus whispered when they pulled up to the curb outside of James’s building. 

James blinked and was stunned speechless for a moment. There was a look of such raw intensity in Regulus’s eyes that had him momentarily suspended in space. Galaxies and endless music and the red string of fate lingered in his mercurial eyes. That flare of warning signs he’d spied in Regulus’s eyes from the night before had settled, almost like he’d made some sort of decision that James wasn’t aware of. 

“It was my pleasure,” James said, feeling deja vu wash over him—it was exactly what Regulus had said to him after they’d played the night before. 

Before he could stop himself, he was leaning over and brushing his lips to Regulus’s. 

Regulus hesitated for a moment, then sighed into James’s mouth, wrapping a hand to his throat and giving it a reassuring squeeze. James whimpered softly as his thumb pressed underneath the knot of his tie. 

The kiss was short lived, but held so much promise that James didn’t ache when he pulled away.

They said nothing else but kept their gaze locked tight as James exited the car and pulled his camera bag onto his shoulder. He shut the door, glad the convertible top was still down, even though Regulus might end up rained on. He didn’t want to look away from the beautiful porcelain skin and raven colored curls. He didn’t want to say goodnight to those stormy grey blue eyes.

“Goodnight, darling,” Regulus said, when the moment had stretched blissfully long. 

“Goodnight, Regulus,” James whispered back. 

He watched as Regulus drove away, a feeling in his heart he couldn’t quite put his finger on. 

When he reached his floor and let himself into his flat, his tabby greeted him with a mewl. James bent down to pet her fur, thinking about how Regulus was kind of like a cat. When he’d first found her, she was drenched and shivering in the rain. He’d brought her inside and dried her, and ultimately she wouldn’t leave his side. Once she was fed and dry, she curled into James’s lap and slept there for the rest of the day. James had been so enamored that he’d sat there, his butt and thighs going a bit numb, just to keep her purring and happy. 

He wondered if Regulus was sort of like a rain-soaked cat, just looking for someone to take him home. 

James walked into his room and slid out his gaming chair, flipping on the switch to his computer setup. Two large monitors flickered in the darkness of his room. The bright light was a little blinding, and he thought maybe he should go turn on his other lights so his eyes didn’t give out.

He didn’t though. He slipped off his shoes under his desk and tucked one leg under himself, sitting all hunched over his keyboard. Inserting his memory card, he quickly imported all the evening’s photos, looking for a specific one. 

Sirius took up the first quarter of the memory card, and in the back of his mind, James knew he was going to have a lot of fun editing those, but at the moment, he couldn’t think of anything else. His singular objective was to find the photo of Regulus that he’d taken when Sirius had called out his name. 

He opened his file explorer and navigated to the drive where he stored and backed up his photos. 

Then, he clicked open the folder: Regulus

Inside, there were only a handful of photos from Sirius and Remus’s wedding weekend. One of him on the boat they’d taken around Lake Champlain, one where he was laughing with Remus and Marlene that same day, one of him looking at James from across the wedding chapel. 

He dragged the new photos into the “originals” section, and imported them into his photo editor. 

When the photos were loaded up and he was looking at his large monitor, he pressed F11 to get rid of the application’s overhead, seeing only the photos. 

There…

There it was. 

Regulus was captured mid-motion, his hair windswept and silky, curving around his face as he was turning toward the camera. His eyes were wide and almost childlike, recognition like a physical color cemented inside his silvery irises. The sheen of his satin suit was such a beautiful contrast between his skin, James wanted to cry a little. He tweaked some settings by muscle memory, bringing out the contrast a little more, crushing the blacks of his suit and hair in the histogram. 

Regulus’s lips parted with a hint of a broken smile, tongue pressed up against his top teeth. Color swirled at his cheekbones, matching the pink of his lips. James saw a glisten of spit or lip balm on his bottom lip and suddenly he was zooming in on Regulus’s face, until the photo was blown up and taking up every inch of his monitor. 

“Wow,” James whispered to himself. 

Regulus looked young in the photo. Younger and smaller than James had ever seen him. Almost as if the sound of Sirius’s voice had taken him back to when they were young, maybe when they were in France and learning how to live without their parents, in a foreign land, relying only on one another. 

Regulus looked tired in the photo. Soft, dark circles colored the skin at the bridge of his nose and under his lower lash line. James wondered if he had done the right thing by leaving so soon, after they had played and watched hockey and sipped chai. He wondered if Regulus had slept well after he’d left.

The last thing James noticed in the photo was recognition. It was as if James had captured the exact moment that Regulus had realized he was standing there next to Sirius. 

Oh. It made his heart twinge in his chest to realize that Regulus wasn’t looking at Sirius with all the things he’d seen in his face, all the things he’d captured raw and unfiltered in the photo. 

Regulus was looking at James. 

Sticky wet feelings began festering inside of James’s chest as he stared at Regulus in the monitor. Vulnerability snaking up on him and wrapping up his heart in a vice grip. It squeezed on him almost painfully, so violent and scary that James felt panic set into his bones almost instantly.  

He quickly clicked out of the program and sat there in the darkness of his room, only the soft hum of his computer in his ears to keep him company. Thoughts spiraling out of control, he wondered how the awe and wonder he’d felt the entire evening could sour so quickly into a world of confusion. 

His heart hurt. Ached, really. 

He didn’t even realize what he was doing when he unlocked his phone and opened one of the apps he’d used all summer long. 

Clicking on his profile, he switched the active status back to “On.”

Stranded in the darkness

Begging, please don’t pin all of your dreams on me

Baby, you can count on me. 

You can count on me

To fuck up everything.

Chapter Text

*

Regulus

* 

Two weeks passed in a flash of patients and sleepless nights and colorful dreams, and before he knew it, it was Friday. A play day. 

Regulus readied the play room with an almost permanent smile on his face. He’d been feeling a bit dreamy and floaty ever since the House of Black premiere, and it wasn’t hard for him to guess why. James had been on his mind almost every second of every day. Stuck on his brain like glue. When he saw a patient that looked a bit like him, when he was at the gym, when he ate his meals, and especially when he was browsing Fetlife. He’d taken to writing down ideas, excited to curate the perfect scenes for James. James James James. 

After only two meetings, Regulus knew that James would like more edging and would probably do well with overstimulation and forced orgasms. He planned for suspension, similar to Evan and Barty's rope demonstration, though Regulus thought James might need a little more than just bondage. Adding in a gag and some pain play—or maybe using an arm binder for the added stretch. James had incredibly sensitive nipples, and Regulus thought maybe he could get him to come just from that stimulation alone. Hmmmm…Maybe more of an upright suspension, then, with the arm binder, and forcing him to come just from nipple play alone. 

Would James like clamps? 

Regulus wrote note after note in his phone, adding random things to his online shopping carts whenever he realized he was missing equipment. Luckily, he had plenty of space in his drawers. Clover clamps, jute rope and rope cleaner, sounds, crops, toys. Of course, that led him down the skincare rabbit hole–what would James’s skin need after a heavy shibari session? Or nipple clamps? Would he chafe and bleed? Did he have any allergies? Regulus frowned. He should’ve included that on the original form… Either way, he ordered lotions and lubes and oils—coconut oil, and synthetics in case he was allergic—and every ounce of skin care products he’d seen recommended by shibari enthusiasts. 

His thoughts were all over the place, but thankfully, thankfully, it was like he blinked and suddenly it was time. James would arrive any second. Regulus bounced with energy. 

He tapped away on his phone, tap tap tapping, looking at Evan’s profile, which linked to Barty’s, then he went to Sybill’s and Pandora’s and Edgar’s, then swiping back to the Home page, all without really seeing any of it. Then, he paced his apartment, the click, click, clicking of his heels as his steps echoed through the house. Wait wait waiting. Regulus was never good at waiting, never good at patience. He didn’t like spending too much time on any given problem, never one to second guess and then have to go back and fix. He wasn’t anxious or anything, he just didn’t like waiting. Didn’t like tenuous plans, didn’t want to be unsure of his place in the world. 

James Potter made him a little fizzy. Unsure. Unmoored. Like a sip of far too carbonated soda, butterflies and bees fluttered inside of Regulus as he waited. He waited and fizzed.

Almost on the dot, James was knocking at the door. 

Regulus’s smile widened, and he took two large steps, still in motion from his pacing, and whipped open the door. 

James met his gaze instantly, and they both smiled like they were each other’s favorite thing to see.

“Evening, James,” Regulus said, clearing his throat and schooling his expression into one more of dark mirth rather than open-faced adoration. 

“Hi, Regulus,” James said, his grin going all lopsided—the smile Regulus had been dreaming of.

“Come in.”

The conversation didn’t start right away. Like their meetings before, there was still a beat of awkwardness between them, as though they hadn’t quite found their pre-scene rhythm just yet. Bashful hovering, on James’ part, too-stoic small talk, on Regulus’s. He didn’t think too much of it, just sort of let James do what he wanted upon first entering the apartment. Almost like Regulus was afraid if he jumped in too fast that James would suddenly get spooked and run off. Better to let him acclimate. 

“So, you’ll never guess who I saw last weekend,” James said when they finally moved to sit on Regulus’s grey couch. 

Regulus eyed him, waiting for him to continue, with a small smile on his face. 

“Marlene!” 

“McKinnon?” Regulus asked, brows furrowing. “As in, one of my brother’s best friends, and the coordinator of his and Remus’s wedding? That Marlene?”

“Yes!” 

“Did you do another wedding with her?”

“Shockingly, no, but now that you mention it, I should probably see if she wants to work together again,” James said, looking off into the distance like he was making a mental note. “No, actually, she’s…uh…”

Regulus angled his head, confused at his sudden pause. As he waited for James to keep talking, a strange flush started building on his tawny cheeks. 

“Yes?” Regulus prompted.

“Oh, well, um, this might actually be awkward. I’m not sure why I even brought it up,” James laughed nervously, his hands fidgeting in his lap.

“Brought it up?” Regulus was completely confused. 

“Well, as it turns out, Marlene is dating my, um, friend,” James said. He was scratching at the back of his neck. He was nervous. 

Regulus shook his head. “And this is a bad thing?”

James huffed, and Regulus pinched his lips between his teeth to keep from smiling. 

“No, of course not—it's not a bad thing, no,” James said. 

“Then why are you talking like it is?”

“Dorcas, the uh, girl she’s seeing,” James fidgeted. “I used to date her. This summer, to be exact.”

“Oh,” Regulus blinked. That…wasn’t that big of a deal? “Alright, then.”

“Yeah, so I’m sorry that was horribly awkward," James started to babble. “Like, here I am about to do, um, this thing that we do, and I went ahead and brought up my ex. Who does that? I’m sorry, that’s just, totally– strange, right?”

Regulus chuckled, and didn’t stop James once. Just let him talk until he was all red and embarrassed and it made Regulus want to pinch his cheeks just a little bit. 

“You’re fine, James, relax,” Regulus grinned. “So you have an ex? That’s not against the rules.”

“No, I mean, no I know that,” James dithered, like he was wondering if he should say something else. “It's just…I wasn’t sure if I was going to say this, now, but I guess, now that we’re talking about dating—well I suppose I should ask what we’re doing tonight.”

Regulus blinked again because, one: he’d never seen James so nervous before, and two: he was just so cute, Regulus was getting that dreamy feeling again. Pretty James and his pretty blush and his nervous eyes, looking at him over his glasses, ruby lips wetted and calling for Regulus.

“I had a flogging and light bondage scene planned for us tonight,” Regulus answered as levelly as possible. 

“Oh,” James said, and Regulus frowned. He didn’t seem particularly pleased by this news. “Is there…maybe something else we could do tonight?”

“You’re not interested in that sort of play? But, I thought—”

“No, I am,” James said quickly, his eyes going sort of wide and bugged, holding out his hands like he didn’t want Regulus to get the wrong idea. “I am. I like those things, I think.”

“Alright,” Regulus frowned. “But, you’d like to play some other way tonight?”

James exhaled, relieved. “Yes, please.”

“Alright,” Regulus echoed. “Is there…any particular reason?”

“Oh, well, um,” James said, eyes bouncing around the room again. “I’d like to not have…marks, or bruises…afterward.”

Regulus cocked his head. 

“I have a date, tomorrow,” James murmured. “So, if you can not leave any marks tonight…”

Regulus felt his brain scratch, like someone had ripped the needle across a vinyl without lifting it. Sharp. Shrill. Stinging.

“Oh.”

He couldn’t say anything else—didn’t. really. understand words. at the moment—The floor had tilted, and Regulus felt like he was slipping. Everything went a little wonky.

“Alright, then,” he heard himself say after a pause. “There’s a couple of other ways we could play.”

How was his voice so level? Panic was pulsing in his throat. Why couldn’t he hear it?

“I have notes in my phone,” Regulus continued. “I can just pick one of the other scenes I had planned out.”

James wasn’t looking at him, but he was nodding. So, maybe, things were just strange to Regulus? Why were they strange, again? Because, this was just how Regulus regularly played. Right? This was normal. Everything was totally normal. 

“Play is play, and dating is dating. I understand.”

James had said that. Only a few weeks ago. And Regulus had agreed. So, this was normal. 

Not having visible marks, because James had a date—James hadn’t said ‘no visible marks.’ He’d said no marks at all. Because he had a date. Where another person may, in fact, see underneath James’s clothes. 

That was normal.

James. Having a date. The day after their scene, was. Normal. 

Right? 

*

James

* 

James felt guilty. 

Granted, he really had tried to see this guy before he was supposed to meet Regulus today, but their schedules hadn’t matched up. And, well, James was sort of desperate to see someone other than Regulus. He felt like he was on some sort of timer, or a countdown that was happening somewhere inside him—like it was the last period on the ice, and he just had to find a way to get the puck in the goal. He’d set up three different dates, with three different people, between the night of the House of Black premiere and now. So, even if the puck didn’t make it to the goal, he’d tried three times. Shoot his shot, and all that. 

But, that didn’t mean he didn’t feel guilty about the timing. 

Something about even mentioning a date to Regulus felt off. Wrong. 

Regulus was walking away from him, taking out his phone to look at the other scene options, without saying anything else to James. He gestured to the guest bathroom, and James suddenly felt like he’d been dismissed a little. He really hated how turned on he felt by that. The sudden disdain. At how almost bored Regulus was looking now. 

It made him feel desperate and needy. Like he should feel guilty that his dick was already filling out in his pants. Like he should feel humiliated at how much he wanted this. 

Unidentifiable emotions swirled in him, focusing into a laser of lust shot straight to his cock.

And Regulus had just looked at him like he’d stepped in something unpleasant. 

Maybe Regulus would step on him. 

No, okay, time for a shower. 

James mumbled after Regulus’s retreating figure, “Okay, yes, I’ll, um. Shower.”

He thought he heard Regulus tsk. 

*

The playroom looked normal. Same emerald walls, same furniture, same bed. 

But as soon as James walked into the space, he would’ve sworn that something had changed. The energy, maybe, was completely different. He didn’t linger on the thought too long, though—he’d only been in this room twice. Why would he expect to know it like he’d lived here? Or like this room was only meant for him?

Regulus stood at the far wall, hanging up a flogger and section of rope, probably the tools he’d planned to use today. He was still wearing a dress shirt and slacks, not having changed into the same skin tight neoprene suit he’d worn last time. James thought he looked a little bit like a CEO or business man in this outfit—meanwhile, James was naked beneath his black towel. The contrast made him shiver. 

“On the bed, James,” Regulus ordered. Voice sharp. 

Oh fuck. This was going to be different. 

“Are you—”

“Did I ask you to speak?” Regulus’s eyes cut to him. Lightning and storms and tornadoes whirled in his gaze.

“No, sir,” James answered, wide eyes down. He submitted almost instantly, feeling silenced and embarrassed. 

He quickly moved to sit on the bed. 

“Color? James?”

His heart thudded. Taking a second to parse through his thoughts, he looked down and saw his cock tenting and hard under his towel. 

“Green,” he admitted, blushing so hard he thought his head might explode. 

Of course this would turn him on. 

“Good,” Regulus purred. It was a dark sound, and James felt it caress his skin. 

Regulus gestured for him to scoot to the headboard, similar to last time, but he didn’t see any cuffs or binds. What was Regulus expecting of him? 

The now-familiar snap of gloves, the click of a bottle of lube. 

“I’m going to touch you, James, and you’re going to hold still,” Regulus explained, voice bland and bored. “If you move or try to touch yourself, I’ll stop.”

James nodded, breathless and so fucking aroused. He was still shocked speechless. This was going so differently than the last two times. The contrast, the contrast. 

If there was anything James loved most about this world, it was that everything lived in sharp contrasts. Skin colors, personalities, music framed by silence, the smell of gasoline cutting into the smell of trees, cigarette smoke in the snow, graffiti on a highway wall. This. This was contrast. 

James was shocked and aroused and helpless all at the same time. 

Regulus climbed in between James’s legs, and in the back of his mind, James realized Regulus had waited long enough for the lube to warm up in his hand before—

“Oh fuck,” James moaned when a wet hand wrapped around his cock. 

“Quiet, sub,” Regulus ordered. “Or I will make you.”

James felt fire frenzy through him, electric currents like ice through his veins. 

Regulus started working his cock, going fast, slow, twisting at the tip, and James looked up, feeling disobedient, to see his face. Without any expression of reaction, Regulus was close, body almost pressed against his—James wanted to reach out and touch the man, and he almost did before he stopped himself. He was losing his mind to Regulus’s touch, but he quickly fisted the sheets in order to hold back. He didn’t want to do anything that would make Regulus stop touching him like that. 

He bit his lips between his teeth and felt like he was coming undone. It was just a damn handjob, something they’d done plenty of already. Why was James getting so worked up over a simple handjob?

“Mmmff,” James could hardly contain his sounds. 

Regulus had never asked him to keep quiet before. In their other scenes, Regulus had even wanted him to be loud. He said he loved James’s sounds. But, now, they were playing at some other game. A game of control and dominance, where Regulus clearly wanted to own every part of James’s will. 

Well, James could win. He could play Regulus’s game and win. 

Or.

Maybe, no, actually, he couldn’t because holy shit he was about to come. 

“Go ahead and come, James,” Regulus sighed. Bored. bored bored bored. 

James erupted, eyes flying wide open as he peered down at his traitor cock for shooting ropes of white come so easily, so early. His fucking pride was going to be in tatters after this. Regulus had only just started, and he was already finishing? Where the fuck was his stamina?

Regulus stroked him through his orgasm, little aftershocks pinging through his limbs. His hand slowed only for a moment before it picked up again. 

“Aaah,” James hissed. “Shit, man, give a guy a second.”

Regulus’s gaze lulled up to James’s, like he was simply disinterested, and then he said, “No. I don’t think I will.”

James’s breath punched out of him as Regulus’s hand sped up, working his cock again like he hadn’t just tipped over the edge. He sucked in a breath, hissing through his teeth as the pleasure turned sharp and fiery. Oxygen jerked through his lungs, and he threw his head back. 

It was all too much and not enough and holy shit. What was happening to him? He tried to grab onto any feeling, with each and every thought slipping out of his head like it was turning to mush. James tried looking back down at his cock, which was still red and angry and hard for Regulus, and found Regulus’s borderline apathetic eyes looking back at him. 

James wanted to ask, wanted to talk, but between the overwhelming stimulation on his dick, and the fact that he’d been ordered silent, he locked up the words in his throat just as his mouth opened. A wordless, inaudible moan. James’s eyes rolled back in his skull when Regulus twisted just a little too tight at his sensitive tip. 

“Color, James?”

“What?” James was caught in the space between realities, pleasure and pain, and what was Regulus asking from him?

He stilled his hand, and an embarrassing whine escaped James. He couldn’t figure out if he was glad or pissed that Regulus was pausing. 

“Give me your color, James.”

“Ohhhh green. Come on, come on,” James begged. 

Regulus finally cracked his indifferent guise and chuckled. James wanted to sing for joy; he was so relieved. 

“You’re so needy like this,” Regulus tutted. “And here I thought you wanted me to stop.”

“Nooo! I don’t—fuck, I don’t know what I want,” James groaned when Regulus pulled his hand away. 

But before he could lament the absence, Regulus was opening the lube and slathering his hands with it. Both hands. Oh.

“Open your legs, darling.”

Darling, darling darling. James preened. 

He opened his legs and Regulus was there. Immediately a finger sank into him, pressing into every spot James loved. Pleasure bloomed from the overstimulation, resolving the fire into more of a warm burn, honeyed and sappy and sweet and slowly building to something brilliant.

“That's the best part of all of this, James,” Regulus mused. “You don't have to know anything, decide anything. You don't have to know what you want. Because it doesn’t matter what you want.”

James couldn't close his jaw. His head was thrown back against the headboard, his knuckles whiting out with how hard they were gripping the sheets. 

“You just get to sit here and take it,” Regulus said, articulating it with another finger inside James’s hole.

Fuck fuckfuckfuckffff

“You're doing so good for me,” Regulus said. “Like you were meant for this.”

Meant for submitting, meant for whimpering, meant for coming and coming and coming

“Reg—”

He heard the smack, felt the absence of touch to his cock, before the pain bloomed in his side. 

James’s eyes flew open and a gasp escaped him.

“Quiet, or I will make you,” Regulus warned again, icy gaze flaying James open. Slicing his skin, tearing him apart.

His fingers were still scissoring him open.

James nodded, stunned and oh god he could maybe come from this—

He silenced a hiss as it was about to escape when Regulus wrapped his hand back around his cock. It was so wet, James felt debauched and scandalized by the sopping schlop and slick sounds bouncing around the room.

It didn't take long for the orgasm to build up again. With how stimulated his senses were, and how hot and heavy his cock felt between his legs, and how Regulus was affecting him, heat and pleasure began blooming behind his tailbone. It wasn’t smooth. It was jagged and rough and sudden. It was almost painful with how strong and sharp it came over him.

He gasped and curled in on himself when he finally flew over the edge, a riptide of sensation yanking him left and right and everywhere. Wet and hot and holy fucking shit. 

Regulus kept milking his cock and pressing on his prostate.

He wasn't stopping, wasn't stopping, wasn't stopping—

“Regulus!” James pleaded as pain shocked through his hips, his balls, his sensitive length.

Suddenly, everything stopped. James’s breath choked in his throat, and Regulus was moving off the bed and removing his gloves.

“No, no no—I d-didn't mean to!” James was desperate now, a devastated whine coming from his lips. Oh god, Regulus, don’t leave, oh no—

“I said quiet or I will make you, James.” That distant, bored, sharp voice again. Oh, Christ, James fucked everything up. Oh, fuck. Arousal and the wash of endorphins running through him swirled with Regulus’s annoyed tone, making him feel so small, like he was a little boy about to be punished. He leaned forward, ready to spring to his feet and drop to Regulus’s knees. Ready to beg. Pleasepleasepleaseplease—

Regulus tossed the gloves to the trashcan. Turned his back on James. Moved toward the drawers on the far side of the room. James was stuck, glued to the bed, voice caught in his throat. Regulus wouldn’t just…leave, right? 

“You knew the rules, and you just couldn't help yourself,” Regulus tsked, and James felt so fucking embarrassed—his abused cock was hard and slick and shiny with want. He was learning all sorts of things about himself tonight, it seemed.

When Regulus turned back around, James saw a belted leather collar in his hands. With a red ball in the middle. A very obvious and familiar red ball. One he’d seen in countless videos and pictures. 

Fuck. 

James moaned, loudly, not holding back now. No point. Might as well be the desperate little thing that he obviously was. He was desperate. He knew it. Regulus knew it. Might as well lean into it, embrace it. He only just barely kept his hands away from his cock, when all he wanted was to stroke himself to the lewd vision of Regulus, the hot CEO daddy, walking toward him with a fucking gag.

“Open,” Regulus ordered when he reached James’s side. 

James opened, and Regulus stuck the rubbery ball into his mouth, latching the leather behind his neck with jerky and annoyed, rough movements. There were no lingering touches, just the base and rutty treatment. Regulus was using him like a toy, and fuck if that didn’t get James’s arousal peaking in his chest. The ballgag was uncomfortable and sat strangely between his teeth, and he didn’t know what to do with his tongue, but holy shit. A humiliated blush warmed him everywhere when spit started pooling under his tongue and drooling out the sides of his mouth. 

“Oh, look at you,” Regulus crooned, cupping James's jaw roughly and thumbing through the stream of saliva. “You look like you were made for this, Jamie.”

The words weren't a compliment. It wasn't praise. It was degrading and humiliating. Embarrassment tore through him when Regulus yanked his chin to the side and leaned down to lick up the trail of spit, running his tongue from the hollow of his throat all the way up to the corner of his mouth, lapping at the gag like he wanted to drink James up from the source.

James's eyes fluttered. He desperately wanted this gag out so he could kiss Regulus until they were both panting and breathless. 

Instead, Regulus pulled away and moved to grab another pair of gloves.

Thank fuck. 

James moaned and mewled, unhindered now. The gag caught his desperate whimpers, and as Regulus lubed up his hands, the volume of their scene amplified, multiplied. Everything heightened when he crawled back between James’s legs. 

Regulus put his hands back on James’s body, and James honest to god sang behind the gag. He hummed happily when three fingers sank into him, a wet hand back on his cock.

There hadn't been enough time between orgasms for him to feel normal, everything was still too much and too overwhelming, but James didn't care. He never wanted to stop. Always wanted Regulus's hands on him. Always wanted to be here, in this apartment, being torn apart and put back together. 

“One more, darling,” Regulus said, a little breathless now. “Give me one more.”

James looked down at the man, finally registering how hard Regulus was. He was positioned so that the dark color of his slacks hid the erection, but it was there. James felt a rush of heat and electricity zip through him, knowing Regulus was just as aroused by all this as he was. He let a string of curses and wails swirl into nonsense behind the gag.

Regulus worked and worked him, not showing any signs of tiring, and as the overstimulation rioted through him, he realized Regulus was wringing pleasure out of him. Every last drop. 

James felt owned. 

Every last bit of him belonged to Regulus. The thought alone was enough. Enough to have James inch closer and closer to blacking out with how good it was all coming together in his body.

“Come on, Jamie,” Regulus ordered, feeling James clench and flash heat like he always did before he came. Regulus knew, James realized. Regulus already knew his body so well, he knew exactly when an orgasm was about to rip through him. “Come for me.”

He could do nothing else. His pleasure wasn't his own. Regulus owned it. It belonged to him. James belonged to him.

James spilled over Regulus's hand, a sad dribble of come, really, and clamped down on his fingers. He barely registered Regulus’s own gasp, too far gone for physical senses. Stars blacked out James’s vision, and he felt his entire body ripple with released tension. He was partially arched off the bed, panting and groaning against the gag. His chest and neck were slick with spit, and every part of him felt flooded with pleasure. 

When his sight came back to him, he looked down at his body, the beautiful vision of Regulus squeezing every last drop of come out of his cock, and saw how much of a mess he was. Come was everywhere, spotted wet and white over his tan skin, slicking up his happy trail; he was sweaty and flushed, bright red spots dotting his skin under his chest hair. His nipples were red and erect, almost puffy with arousal. A flash of a thought came to him—James, debauched and depraved, fucked out and covered in fluids, in front of a camera. 

“You did well, taking all that, James,” Regulus praised, removing his gloves and running soft fingers over James’s body. He started shivering uncontrollably with how sweet those hands were petting him.

Oh, wow. The contrast between how sharp and dismissive Regulus was before the scene, and now… James let his head fall back against the headboard, still whimpering against the gag. Regulus’s hands were trailing beautiful fire all over his body.

Regulus’s fingers made their way up to unlatch the gag. It fell gracelessly out of James’s mouth, a stream of spit drooling out of him and onto his chest. Regulus made a small hissing sound and ran his fingers through the slick. 

James couldn't close his mouth. He was wrung out, enraptured by Regulus. Fuck, he was so pretty, and so possessive. He had his fingers all over James, leaving James feeling a little bit like a pet. 

“Regulus,” he sighed happily. 

“So good for me,” Regulus praised.

For you, James thought as his body sagged against the mattress, tired and wrung out and sleepy. 

For you, for you, for you. 

*

Regulus

* 

Regulus switched the stovetop off in the doctor’s lounge, careful to be sure the burners were completely off, as the smell of chai and sugar and milk filled the room. He took a deep breath and shook off the dregs of sleep, cloying and sticky in his limbs. His shift was about to begin, and the familiarity and routine of it settled him a little, even though he’d felt totally adrift since seeing James. 

Saturday and Sunday came and went with much to do about nothing. Regulus had spent so much of the last two weeks thinking about Friday that after James left, suddenly and with a bland ‘See ya!’ after they’d watched a Bruins game together as their form of ‘aftercare’, Regulus had sort of…deflated. He rotted in his bed for two days, unable to muster more than a food order and random trips to the bathroom. 

He counted it as a reset—a way to get his head back on his shoulders. 

He knew exactly why he’d been thrown so off. He hadn’t known James was actively dating. And, while Regulus had promised James he wasn’t playing or dating anyone else, James had made no such promise. 

It made icky, stinging feelings throb in his chest to think of James with someone else. A pretty girl that had everything Regulus didn’t, or maybe another man that had everything Regulus did—James just might want ‘him’ more. It made Regulus feel possessive. He felt so stupid. Why on earth had he told James he didn’t want to date?

Regulus swallowed against the lump in his throat. 

And like the universe had some sort of beef with him, he looked down at his pager to see a message from Avery, and his heart hurt. 

That. 

That right there was why Regulus had wanted to avoid dating James. Because he knew that he couldn’t play the way he did and not catch feelings. He had three or so examples of that exact thing just happening. And James was so much…more. He could ruin Regulus. 

But, what in the world did it matter if Regulus was already feeling like this? Already feeling like he was heartbroken over someone just because they hadn’t made things exclusive yet? 

For all Regulus knew, James had successfully compartmentalized his kink and dating lives. For all Regulus knew, James didn’t like him that way, and was seeking someone else out. Maybe someone that could be everything Regulus was and all the things he couldn’t be for James. Maybe…James just simply didn’t want him like that.

He sighed and sipped on his too-hot tea. 

Looking down at his phone to distract himself from the same constant train of thought that had been plaguing him all weekend, he saw several notifications from Fetlife. He looked around, not wanting to flash one of his coworkers with indecent photos at midnight, before opening his phone.

He swiped into the app once he verified he was truly alone, seeing several invites waiting for him in the notification bar. Regulus hadn’t posted anything to the site except his username: Seeker and a photo of one of his favorite floggers as his profile picture. He’d written a short bio, including his BDSM Test results, and a short, brief explanation that he was not currently looking for a play partner. 

The invites were from Pandora for a handful of events. Regulus frowned, feeling a little bitter and annoyed that he might have to compete for James’s time. Maybe he wouldn’t take him this time. Maybe he’d go alone. 

Well. That thought was worse than having to endure the knowledge that James might have another date conflict. 

Most of the invites were random munches and demonstrations, some of which didn’t interest Regulus in the slightest. He wasn’t particularly curious about the electro-stim demo; he had absolutely no reason to go to a women’s playdate; he had no interest in the Daddies or Littles group. 

However, there was one invite that sparked his curiosity. 

It seemed Pandora’s group had secured funding for a large Victorian style mansion, specifically Queen Anne style architecture (which Regulus was somewhat a sucker for), outside of Montreal. A player named Rosy apparently purchased the entire plot of land in order to make it a kink safe haven for the group. It was the same group that Regulus had joined when he’d taken James to see the ropes demonstration. This was the first he’d seen of the group actually doing something away from Fetlife. It intrigued him. 

He could think of several reasons why they would want to have a place, private property to be exact, to play. To do scenes. Group scenes, CNC scenes, scenes that required heavy equipment. Regulus tapped into the event “Grand Opening!” Right away, he saw that Evan, Barty, Edgar, and Pandora had all RSVP’d Yes. 

He hummed and thumbed through the event description and details about the house. The event was several weeks away, giving him time to make sure his and James’s dynamic was secure and stable. Regulus didn’t want to think that they may fall apart before the Grand Opening of the mansion, but…it was better to play it safe. Especially now that Regulus was…feeling things. 

Emmelia entered the room, then, and Regulus hopped up, slipping his phone into his pocket and moving to chat with her and eventually join her for rounds. 

In the back of Regulus’s mind, he started planning things. If this space was set up with play areas, Regulus could think of several scenes that he knew James would just love. 

But first, he had to get through the next month and a half. He had to work through whatever weirdness that had settled inside him. He had to make sure he and James were going to be okay. 

*

October

Things were not okay. 

Things were most certainly not okay. 

Well, things were fine, strictly speaking, but Regulus was not okay. 

Each playdate with James seemed to rip him apart a little bit. So much so that Regulus was actually considering calling off their arrangement altogether. He was unable to trust himself, especially when he knew he wasn’t playing like he normally would. He was holding back. Not really dominating James as much as just getting him off. He was scared that if he really let himself go during one of their scenes, he would have to safe-word out, or worse…he’d do something he’d regret. Like confessing his feelings.

The first week of September, Regulus had James jerk himself off in front of a floor length mirror, hardly able to keep himself from bending James over and fucking him just to see what they looked like together. But, that was it. Just a bit of humiliation work and edging, controlling James with just words. He thought maybe even James knew that the scene was weak. Regulus just…couldn’t get himself to use his crop or flogger on that wide back, couldn’t get himself to hand over his biggest fantasies to James. Not yet.

Especially when James left with another mild, “Well, I’m off to have drinks with a friend. See ya!”

The third week of September, Regulus was starting to get annoyed with the entire situation (namely himself). He had James sit on the bed, repeating scene ideas…tsk, and ended up controlling James’s orgasm, only to ruin it for him when he removed his hands altogether when James was finally falling over the edge. James had cried then, and Regulus was feeling things. 

And he left. Again. With a stupid excuse. “See you next time! I’ve got a date!” 

Regulus couldn’t tell if he was lying, or if he just wanted to leave because the last two scenes were so pathetically boring and uncomfortable. Even if Regulus wasn’t actually torturing his cock, surely a ruined orgasm was enough to have James reconsidering whether or not Regulus was a “real dom,” whether he even wanted to bother with all this anymore.

Irritation itched under his skin for the entire month of September. It made him bark orders at work, yell at his patients’ relatives, curse and break things when he was charting. He genuinely had to stop himself from throwing his laptop out the window when EPIC decided to shit itself one day. Even with industrial electronic music in his ears and running out every ounce of excess energy, Regulus felt like steam was boiling inside him, about to come out of his ears in frustration. 

It all came to a screeching halt the first playdate in October. 

Regulus paced his apartment, nervous and agitated. He’d finally convinced himself that he would pull out all the stops for a scene and set aside sections of rope and cuffs, a blindfold, a flogger (not his favorite one, though), and a crop. He wasn’t going to punish James, but he needed to show him that he could be a real dom. Even if he was just sort of…proving it to himself. 

When James arrived, the same swirl of adoration and annoyance pooled in his gut. He wanted to say he hated this, but he didn’t. James being here, bringing sunlight and warmth and laughter with him, that was enough. It was enough for Regulus.

“Hey,” James said, entering the apartment, head ducked and a flush already pinking his cheeks. 

Something was wrong. 

“Evening, James,” Regulus said, like he always did. “Would you like something to drink?”

“A water?” Like always. This was normal. Everything was going as it usually did. They stepped into the foyer, bopping around one another like they always had before.

So, why on earth did James look like he’d just run over a puppy?

“Everything alright?” Regulus asked, his dom senses tingling. Maybe they didn’t need to play today. Maybe what they really needed to do was talk. Maybe they should talk.

“Of course,” James said, clipped and sharp. 

It was then that Regulus realized what had happened. As James removed his coat and shoes, hanging his denim jacket on the hook by Regulus’s car keys, he turned back towards Regulus, shoulders drawn up to his ears. 

Clear as day, Regulus saw it. 

A fucking hickey. 

James was trying to hide the fact that some other person had marked him. 

The irritation and annoyance steaming in his gut snapped and blew hot and angry through Regulus’s entire body. His vision reddened a little as anger, possessiveness, and hurt ripped through him. He turned away quickly, hoping his expression hadn’t betrayed him, and went to fetch James’s drink. He took several seconds at the fridge to steady himself. 

This was okay. James was allowed to do this. He wasn’t betrothed to Regulus. There was no shame in James looking for companionship outside of their arrangement. He said it over and over until only his hands were shaking.

Regulus took a few breaths, hoping his heart wasn’t actually bleeding on the sleeve of his shirt. 

When he turned back to James, he saw that the man was…sad? Was that the right word? Guilt and shame and resignation were written all over his face. Regulus softened, only a little, and reached out to touch James. He didn’t flinch, but when their eyes met, James’s face went a bit round and pouty. Regulus gave him as dry a smirk as he possibly could and pressed a single finger into the purple bruise at his throat. James whimpered, eyes fluttering behind his glasses.

Regulus reminded himself then that this wasn’t the first time James had been marked by another person. Barty had punched him once before, and that had led to them reuniting after a sad summer apart. 

Whoever the fuck had left this behind, Regulus had no problem eating it and taking it back. Taking James’s body back and owning it. 

“Do you want to play today, darling?” Regulus asked, hoping his desperation wasn’t totally obvious. He was giving James an out, and they both knew it.

“Yes, yes, please,” James begged. 

Thank fuck.

Regulus smiled and took his hand, leading him down the hall, with a resounding snarl echoing in his head.