Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The river looked so enticing, almost as if it were beckoning me to it. The rush of the water felt like music, soothing the headache pounding against my temple. Part of me wanted to disappear into it, to wade into the current and never be seen again. The tears streaking down my face felt like they were eroding away at my skin like the rushing water at the riverbank. I wanted to become just another part of the river, just another piece of driftwood floating away to God-knows-where.

I shook my head vigorously to banish the thoughts from my brain. You’re so dramatic, I chided myself. I took a step down closer to the water so I could wash the tears off my face. The thoughts of ending my problems in the river didn’t stop completely, but once the frigid water hit my skin, I could hardly think about anything other than the sensation I was feeling.

I sat down, brushed the damp strands of hair around my face out of the way, and took a deep inhale. My lips began to quiver as I pushed back all urges to cry, like a dam ready to break at any time. My face contorted into an ugly and squished expression. I tried to shove my heartache as deep down as it could go, but it kept bubbling up to the top. Finally, the dam burst. An ear-splitting wail erupted from my mouth. I tried to keep it shut but the sobs pushed through.

I’m going to miss her so much, I thought to myself. I know I’ll see her again someday, but the thought of her leaving me for even a second made me feel more abandoned than I ever had in my life. My hands absently buried themselves in the silt. Once the round of pained cries died down, I stopped moving. I stared straight down, idly examining the rocks and roots peppered along the riverbank. I let the sound of the river and the birds and the distant chatter of partiers wash over me. I felt… dejected.

The rustling of branches behind me roused me from my lethargic haze. I stood up and snapped my head around to try to identify the source of the noise. Before I could see any figure approach, I could smell their odor wafting towards me. The skunky smell of marijuana drifted along the breeze and into my nostrils.

A silhouette appeared from behind the trees, but in the dimming light, I couldn’t make out any features. It wasn’t until he was nearly at the riverbank that I could, while squinting, identify who I was looking at.

“Kory?”

Kory jumped back, startled. Something must have caught his foot because as soon as he did so, he fell backwards onto the ground and began sliding on the crumbling dirt slope. He used his left hand to attempt to scramble to his feet but that didn’t stop the mud from getting all over his pants. He came to a halt a few feet from me, right hand still holding his joint tightly.

He looked up at me from the ground, eyes as wide as they could go while still droopy and red from the weed. We stared at each other for a bit, both unsure of what to do. I reached out one hand to help him up. After a few seconds, recognition hit his face. He grabbed my hand and pulled himself to his feet.

“Em?” he asked, clearly unsure of what he was seeing. He shook his head a few times as if to reset his brain. I let go of his hand and wiped the mud off onto my pants. “Oh, uh. Sorry about that.” He wiped his own hand off as well, though his pants could hardly get dirtier. I tried to muster up a smile, but my heart was still aching. I watched him take a hit, trying to blow the smoke away from my face, but the breeze pushed it right back to me.

“I haven’t seen you in ages, how have you been?” he asked, pushing through a coughing fit. I tried hard to think of what to say. Should I be honest? I asked myself. I opened my mouth to speak, but it just hung open, undecided on what sounds to make. I had almost decided on some words when he cocked his head to the side like a confused dog. “Are you okay, Emily?” he asked, though I realized he already knew the answer.

Tears began to well up in my eyes. I shut them tight to try to block any from falling down my face, but they came anyway. I wiped them away with clenched fists. When I opened my eyes again, I saw Kory shifting awkwardly on his feet, deciding whether or not to come closer.

I sat back down on the riverbank, legs crossed. Soon he joined me. “You know what helps me feel better?” he asked. He held out his hand with the joint in it and offered it to me. I laughed a little, then took the joint from a sympathetically smiling Kory. I took a deep inhale before breathing out a sizable cloud of smoke. Soon, I felt the effects start to hit me.

“So, what have you been up to all these years? Haven’t seen you since what, high school?” he remarked.

“I saw you when I was back in town for Christmas a few years ago, remember?”

“Oh that’s right, that’s right. That hardly counts though, we barely talked.”

I giggled a little, definitely getting high, but there was still a shadow of melancholy over me. I sighed to try to let a bit of it out.

“What’s up? What’s on your mind?” he probed.

“Do you really want to know?”

“Well, I probably won’t see you again for another 10 years so… what’s the harm in sharing?”

I hesitated to speak. If I say it out loud, it’ll feel real. I don’t want it to be real. He raised his eyebrows at me, prompting a response. I took a deep breath. I began to speak.

“Well… I have this friend, her name is Nicole and—”

“The same Nikki from Shen?”

“No, different Nicole. I met her here.”

“Good. Nikki was a bitch.”

I laughed, then continued talking. “Well, Nicole and I, we’re like, best friends. I never leave her side and she never leaves mine. We’ve known each other pretty much since I moved here. She had this boyfriend—”

“Oh no.”

“Yeah… She had this boyfriend Rich. They’ve been living together since before I met her. Well, they broke up. Pretty recently.”

“That sucks. Breakups are rough, man.” He looked down and fiddled with something in his hands, though I couldn’t make out what. After a few seconds of silence, he looked back up at me expectantly.

“Yeah, I— well there’s more. They’re not going to live together anymore, obviously, and…” Tears started to form in my eyes. “She’s moving back to be with her family. In Florida.”

Kory began to move his arm towards me as if to comfort me, but stopped short.

“And— and I just went through a breakup of my own, and I’ve been so busy with work, and today was supposed to just be a day to have fun and relax and then she breaks the news to me and— I’m just so stressed out,” I sobbed. He committed to putting his arm on my shoulder this time.

“That sounds rough.” He took another hit. He passed the joint to me and I did the same. The world started to feel fuzzy. I laid back on the dirt and watched the clouds go by. Kory followed my lead, and when I turned my head to look at him, his face was only about a foot away from mine.

“You’re going to see her again though, yeah? I mean, you have a phone and everything, I’m sure you can stay in touch.” I could smell the smoke on his breath.

“It’s not just that it’s… well she promised she wouldn’t leave me. She promised she’d always be there for me. I’ve just been so lonely lately.”

“I feel that.” He seemed melancholic. Once again he fidgeted with something in his hands.

“Enough about me. I could go on forever about my problems. Nobody wants to hear a grown adult whine about how much their life sucks for that long.”

“You’d be surprised,” he chuckled. We stared at each other for a little too long, our red eyes meeting. After about ten seconds of eye contact, I raised my eyebrows at him expectantly. Eventually, his face lit up with realization.

“Oh! Me! Right. You want to hear about me.” I giggled. He sat up. “Well, uh, not much new with me I guess.”

“Really?”

“No.” He folded under no pressure.

“I didn’t think so.” He began fidgeting again. “What are you holding? You’ve been messing with it this whole time.” His face turned pink, and he put his hands behind his back. I gave him a look. Realizing that there was no point in hiding, he sheepishly brought his hands forward again. He showed them to me, revealing a simple metal band in his palm. He toyed with it a little before hesitantly returning it to his ring finger.

“Oh! Congratulations man, I had no idea.”

“Uh… yeah. I didn’t tell very many people.”

“Is that a wedding ring or an engagement ring?”

“It’s uh… it’s a nothing ring now I guess.” His face fell. We sat in silence. I had no idea how to respond. I put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed gently. He smiled at me sadly.

“Seems like it’s the season of breakups,” I said, trying to relate. His silence was telling; I had definitely said the wrong thing.

“I just… I thought I got it right this time. I thought things would be better and that it wouldn’t end like…” He trailed off. “Like last time.”

“Last time?”

“Yeah, uh. I guess you’re pretty out of the loop, huh?” He ran his fingers through the dirt, tracing meaningless shapes.

“I guess I am.”

He still didn’t look up. I could tell he wanted to talk to me but couldn’t find the words. After a few more moments of silence, he met my gaze.

“Em?”

“Yeah, Kor?”

He sighed deeply.

“I think I’m just a fuck up.”

I opened my mouth, hoping some supportive words would come out, but he continued speaking before I had to decide what to say.

“I think I just… am too broken to be loved. First with her and now…”

“With who?”

“My… first fiancée.”

“First? I guess I really am out of the loop.” He chuckled sadly and ran his hands through his curly hair, only realizing afterwards the amount of dirt he had just put into it.

“Shit.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” I comforted. I ran my fingers through his curls with both hands to help rid it of some of the dirt, but mostly it just tangled around them.

“I can’t stop pushing people away,” he continued. “I’m such a fucking loser. It’s pathetic.”

I remembered what he was like in high school. He was always a sweet guy, sure, but he’s not entirely wrong about the loser part. I looked up to him in a way, being a couple years younger than him, but he was the only senior in my math class and he was also the only guy I knew whose parents still packed a lunch for him every day, complete with notes from his mom. An endearing type of loser.

“Hey, you’ve never been a loser,” I consoled him. “I’m sure you’ve got a lot going for you, too.”

“Not the one thing that was most important to me, though.” He took the ring off and tried to roll it around in his palm, but it fell out of his hands. Frantically, he attempted to catch it, but his reflexes were shot from the weed. The ring rolled on its edge and disappeared into the river. “FUCK!” he shouted in frustration. He stood up and began to roll his pant legs up. Soon he was wading into the river.

He grimaced from the frigid water, but he seemed determined. Bent over, he began to splash through the river, turning over rocks searching for the lost ring. The water grew cloudy from being disturbed, making it even harder to spot any glint in the river. His pant legs started to roll back down as he searched, getting soaked from the water.

I decided to get up and help him. I removed my sandals. The damp silt was cold beneath my feet and the sensation was amplified by the high. I felt shockwaves being sent up my legs with each step, but I kept going. When I reached the water, an intensely penetrating cold engulfed my feet. I let out an involuntary shriek.

Kory looked up at me when he heard the noise, standing up quickly and losing his footing slightly. I pushed through the freezing water and grabbed his arm to catch him, but I began to lose my footing as well. The two of us staggered back and forth gripping each other’s arms, trying to find our balance. Eventually, we stabilized. Slowly, I let go of his arms and he did the same to mine. Now that we were both balanced independently, he extended his legs and tried to stand up straight. This was a mistake, because as soon as he did so, he slid backwards again.

I caught him again in a fluid motion, this time grabbing under his arms from behind. He turned his head to look up at me with a crooked smile. I gently pushed him back up to his feet, hoping that he could maintain his balance this time. It seemed he was able to, and he thanked me for the support.

We both bent down again and resumed our search for his lost ring. I turned over rocks and moved branches, keeping an eye out for anything shiny. Kory took to turning over an especially large rock a bit deeper in the water, hoping it had somehow become wedged underneath, but he had no success. Once he had decided there was no use for the rock anymore, he dropped it into the water with a loud plunk! Droplets splashed in a wide radius, soaking my previously mostly dry tank top.

Slightly frustrated, I splashed him back, though my intent was playful. He turned his head to look at me. We made eye contact. I was worried I had upset him, but as soon as I had that thought, he returned the favor and splashed me back. My neutral expression changed to a smile. He grinned back at me, inviting me with his expression to splash him again. I did, this time soaking his hair and face.

“Fuck that’s cold,” he laughed.

“That’s what you get!” I retorted playfully.

We took turns splashing each other, getting so caught up in the moment that we forgot why we were even in the water in the first place. It was the most fun I’d had in a while. He began chasing me around in the river, trudging along in knee deep water trying to get as much as he could on my clothes. Soon I was backed into a part of the river that grew lush with bushes. I began to round a bend to escape Kory’s mischievous attacks.

As I walked backwards around the curve of the river, I caught my foot on something behind me. I turned to examine whatever it was to move it out of my way. As soon as I recognized it, I let out a bone-chilling scream. Nicole’s body, still warm, floated in the river in front of me.

Chapter Text

“Emily? What’s wrong?”

Kory turned the bend of the river to meet me. All I could do was stare down at the body in disbelief. Once he caught a glimpse of her, his face turned pale.

“Oh my God,” he choked out. “Is that…?”

“It’s Nicole!” I sobbed over the body. I grabbed her by the shoulders and tried to prop her upright, but she was dead weight. I frantically tried to check for a pulse or breath or anything to soothe my worst fears. It was too late, though. She was definitely dead.

I embraced her body tightly, not wanting to believe what I was seeing. Kory attempted to pull me off of the body but I was holding on too firmly, afraid that if I let go, she’d disappear.

“C’mon Em, you have to let go!”

He gave one final tug and I surrendered, no longer having the strength to fight him. I fell limp on the rocks next to her. Tears streamed down my face as voiceless sobs escaped my mouth. I must be dreaming. That’s it, it’s just a nightmare. I pinched myself on the arm but I the nightmare did not go away. I pinched again, harder. Still nothing. Desperately, I balled my hands into fists and tried to beat it out of my brain. As hit after hit made contact with my skull, it started to feel more and more hopeless. It became less about trying to wake myself up and more about expressing my anguish in some physical form.

“Hey, hey, calm down,” Kory tried to console. He pulled my hands away from my head and held them at my sides. He was putting on a brave face but I could tell he was in way over his head. His eyes darted from place to place trying to examine his surroundings, trying to figure out what to do next.

A branch snapped further up the path. We both turned our heads to look to where the sound was. Nothing was immediately visible but the sound of footsteps started to get closer and closer. My heart beat hard in my chest. I locked eyes with Kory briefly and we reached a nonverbal understanding: we had to get out of here.

He pulled me up by my arms and practically dragged me back to the part of the riverbank we met at. My legs were wobbly and my balance was completely shot. I was starting to wish I hadn’t taken so many hits from Kory’s joint. I could tell that he was struggling to move too, though he held his weed considerably better than I could. I looked back at Nicole’s body for the brief second I could before Kory tugged at my wrist hard, pulling me further up the path. I turned back around to follow him.

I could no longer hear the footsteps but I did hear, though difficult to make out, a male voice shouting something behind us. Terrified, we ran. We stumbled over roots and through branches, tripping over rocks and kicking up sand. We could hardly see where we were going in the twilight, but behind us we could make out a flashlight cutting through the vegetation.

“Hey! What are you kids doing?” the voice bellowed out at us.

I paused to scan the area for the source of it. The light got closer.

“What are you doing? We have to get out of here!” Kory whisper-shouted to me.

I was stuck, frozen in place, my eyes on the flashlight beam. As it drew closer, I was able to make out a dark police uniform and badge glinting in the light.

“It’s the cops!” I whispered back to him.

“Okay? We have to go!”

“We need to tell him about Nicole!”

“What if he thinks we did it?”

“What, you want me to leave my dead friend in the river?”

“I don’t want to get arrested! She’s not getting any deader!”

Appalled, I stood there with my mouth hanging open. He grabbed my wrist again and tried to drag me away from where we were standing but I tugged back. I planted my feet firmly, not letting him move me. I peered down toward the spot by the river where we found the body, noticing the flashlight had stopped around there. It stayed still for a while, making only slight movements. Soon though, the light shone up along the hill and towards us.

I was engulfed in a bright, cold light. As it got closer, a feeling of panic swelled inside me. It grew as I stood there, stuck like a deer in headlights. The light, still intensifying, burned my eyes, but I felt like I couldn’t shut them. I felt as though a time bomb was ticking inside my body, getting nearer to 0 as my terror grew. The flashlight drew closer. Closer. Closer. Closer. Almost up the hill…

Run.

I grabbed Kory’s arm as he had done to mine earlier and sprinted as fast as I could up the remainder of the hill. I was no longer thinking. My body was driven by a primal fear. Even though he was taller than me, I ran faster, making great bounds with every step. I dragged him along through the grassy field at the top of the hill. There were a few picnic tables with straggling partiers from the evening’s celebration, but there was nobody I recognized. I avoided eye contact with everyone as I rushed through the park. I could tell I caught the eye of a few people who turned to look at us, but they did not stop what they were doing.

Eventually, we reached the parking lot. Panting, I leaned up against a car and tried to catch my breath. I saw Kory begin to fish some keys out of his pocket and walk towards an old sedan.

“You’re not planning on driving high, are you?” I asked him as he unlocked the door.

“Faded, actually,” he corrected me.

“That’s worse.”

“C’mon, I drive better like this anyway. Do you want to leave or not?”

I weighed my options quickly. Blood was starting to rush back towards my brain and the panic was subsiding, but it still overwhelmed me. Before my thinking could resume normally, I got in the passenger seat with him. I buckled my seatbelt and soon we backed out of the parking lot.

My heart was still pounding hard in my chest. I could feel it in my skull too. My whole body felt like it was throbbing with each beat. I tried to breathe deeply, but my exhales came out choppy. I was crying again.

Kory looked over at me with a sympathetic expression, but I wasn’t paying attention. My mind was racing, playing back the past 10 minutes in my head over and over again. I could see her lifeless open eyes on the inside of my eyelids every time I blinked. I could feel her rapidly cooling body in my arms when I tried to hold myself tight. It still hadn’t fully hit me that she was just gone.

“Where are we going?” Kory asked as he pulled onto a main road. I thought about it for a second before speaking. My words came out jumbled.

“We need to— we should— locket. Have to find. She said— happened to her— anything. It’s for me.”

“Slow down. Say that again. I don’t understand.”

I tried again to take a deep breath. This time, my words came out a little smoother.

“There’s this locket that belonged to her. She said she wanted me to have it. She said if anything happened to her… it should go to me.”

He nodded solemnly.

“Just tell me where to go.”

I began to direct him, though we made a few wrong turns. Her apartment wasn’t close to the river, but it wasn’t terribly far either. We spent about 20 minutes on the road.

“What made you change you mind?” he asked.

“Hm?”

“About running.”

“Oh.” I thought about it for a second. “I… don’t know. I knew, logically, I should stay. But part of me… I was terrified. I was just… taken over by fear. I don’t know what would have happened if I stayed. I don’t know if it’s even safe there anymore. I can’t even know for sure that he wasn’t the one who killed her.”

“You think she was killed?”

“Well, what else could have happened? Healthy 28 year old women don’t just drop dead on their own,” I said bitterly. “Turn left here.”

He turned right.

“What are you doing?”

“I know, I know, I heard you. I just need to make a pit stop.”

I held my tongue, but I was anxious. We pulled up at a 7 Eleven.

“Do you want to wait here?” he asked me. I nodded. He got out of the car and patted his jeans to check that he had his wallet and then walked in. Absently, I took out my phone.

My notification wall was mostly empty, though there were a couple texts from friends. One person from the party sent a check in text, around when I left to sit by the river. A follow up text was sent a bit later informing me that they were heading home, but that I could reach out if I needed anything. I tapped on the text and read through the messages a few times. I tried to think of a response to type, but the text box stayed blank. I replayed that night in my head again.

I thought about Nicole breaking the news to me. I thought about the argument. I thought about how I told her that I never wanted to see her again. I replayed that part dozens of times. I thought about every possibility of how that argument could have gone differently. I tried to imagine all the things I could have said. No matter how hard I imagined, though, nothing could change the past. After what felt like the hundredth time replaying that night in my mind, something clicked with me.

The car door opened and Kory threw himself into the driver’s seat with an armful of White Claws. He unceremoniously tossed them in the backseat and then looked at me, silently asking for my approval to get on the road again. I nodded, but part of me was hesitant. We got back on the road and sat in silence until I worked up the nerve to speak.

“I noticed… a while ago, when I was talking with Nicole… she had these bruises on her neck.”

Kory stayed focused on the road, but I could tell he was listening by the way his body tensed up when I spoke. I faltered a bit but continued talking. “I tried to talk to her about them… She got really cagey. I think, maybe… Rich was hurting her. I think he may have killed her.”

He pulled up to a stop sign and turned to look at me. “Do you still want to do this then? Go to their apartment I mean. What if he’s there?”

I thought about it for a second. “I do. Nicole is the most important thing to me…” I choked on my words. “…Was the most important thing to me.” My head stayed down, eyes following my hands as they fidgeted with each other in my lap. I was trying to hide the tears falling. “I would risk my life for our friendship.”

Kory nodded, accepting my answer, but I could see him start to fidget anxiously. Clearly he was not thrilled about the idea of going to the home of a potential murderer. I noticed his discomfort but I didn’t mention it; I wanted to go to Nicole’s more than anything and was willing to let him suffer some discomfort to get it. Besides, if it mattered so much to him, he would tell me, I convinced myself.

I directed him the rest of the way to Nicole’s place. We pulled onto a residential street and parked in front of a small apartment complex.  I took a deep breath and prepared myself. I double-checked that I had my keys with me and then stepped out of the car. Kory lingered a little while longer before getting out. I saw him reach into the backseat with one hand, other hand at his mouth as he chewed on his nails. Once he had grabbed a can of White Claw from behind him, he spent just a moment longer biting off a small section of nail before unbuckling and getting out of the car. The can opened with a hiss. He sipped some, wiped his mouth with his sleeve, and came around to stand next to me.

I eyed the can with scrutiny, but my appreciation for his help overrode any objections I had. I led him up a flight of stairs on the outside of the building. Once we reached Nicole’s apartment, I fished my keys out of my pocket and began to search for the correct one. I tried a few different nearly identical keys before finding it.

When I opened the door, it was dark. I felt around the wall for a light switch and flicked it on. The overheard light came on, revealing a cluttered living room. I stepped over a pile of shoes that seemed to have migrated from a rack against the wall, evidenced by the few pairs still sitting on it.  Kory nearly tripped getting over them but I caught him as he stumbled. Not a single drop of his drink spilled.

I’d been here many times before, but I had never seen it in such disarray. There were stacks of papers strewn over the coffee table, dishes everywhere, piles of clothes on the floor… I could go on. It looked like nobody had cleaned for days, maybe weeks. I knew their relationship had been on the rocks for a bit, but I didn’t know how bad things had really gotten for the two of them. It seemed like both of them must have been pretty depressed to let things get like this.

I weaved through the room, careful to not knock anything over. My eyes scanned the apartment curiously, making note of some of the changes since I had last been here. Walls that once were covered in artwork, posters from movies and bands, and photos of the couple were now half empty. My heart ached from the idea that she was packing up before she even told me she was leaving.

Kory followed close behind me, hands drifting over every knickknack on every shelf. I had to catch a picture frame that he had accidentally knocked over. I shot him a disapproving look, but he seemed to be checked out. We kept walking, though I kept a closer eye on him than before.

Once we got to Nicole’s bedroom, I froze. It felt like an invasion of privacy to be going through her stuff, even though she had let me in her bedroom probably hundreds of times. Part of me wanted to knock, to ask permission before entering, but I knew a response would never come. My hand was unsteady as I reached for the door knob. Finally, I turned the knob and pushed it open. It was time.