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Chapter Text

    “Itachi! Can you take me with you? Please?” Sasuke’s fist curled around his brother’s sleeve as Itachi tied his shoelaces. “I promise I won’t trouble you!”

        “Sasuke…” Itachi sighed, “It is too dangerous for you.”

      “No way,” Sasuke said, “I’ve been practicing the shuriken Jutsu you taught me all week! I can help you, I promise! I won’t be in danger, I swear.”

        Itachi stood up, dusting off his pants. For a second Sasuke thought he might just exit without another word, but he turned around and knelt. A firm but gentle hand came to rest on Sasuke’s head.

      “Sorry, Sasuke, maybe next time.”

________________________________________________________________________

        Black flames rose towards the sky, eating through rubble and plants. Rainwater that fell too close evaporated into warm puffs of steam. Puddles were starting to form around the crevices of rocks.

      So this is the result of the battle between brothers…

      Eyes clouded with water, Kakashi attempted to peer over the mass of flickering, dark fire. The sheer heat seemed to warp the land–pushing and pulling the landscape around it. Even from his vantage point above the trees, it was difficult to see beyond the first pile of rubble.

    “You guys see anything?” Kakashi asked, pulling his mask a little further up his face to avoid the smell of burning grass. The inside of his Konoha headband was cold and wet, biting into his eyelid uncomfortably.

    “Nope.” There was an almost inconceivable tightening of Naruto’s fingers around the branch. Seeing the solemn expression on the blonde’s face was almost uncanny. Usually Naruto could not have a conversation without some form of dramatic expression plastered over his face. This time, however, he was determined to face Sasuke.

    “I don’t see anyone but…” Sakura started, trailing off. “I think I can feel some Chakra behind that wall of fire.”

    Hearing this, Naruto visibly brightened. “That means–”

    “Is there more than one?” Kakashi interrupted.  He could think of half a dozen ways Sasuke could’ve dropped dead. He could not fathom that Sasuke could’ve gained enough power to kill the infamous Uchiha Itachi.

      Perhaps it was because Kakashi had never seen Itachi lose. Never in sparring, never in ANBU, never in any of their meetings. He couldn’t imagine Itachi dead on the ground. Hell, he could hardly imagine Itachi making a mistake.

    “Does the Chakra feel exactly like Sasuke’s..?” Naruto added hopefully.

    Sakura closed her eyes for a long, long moment.

      “Its hard to tell them apart from here, but I can sense two Chakra. They’re both really faint but it's clear that one of them is more prominent than the other.”

      At this, Naruto’s expression became hopeful.

    Maybe Sasuke won! Naruto’s thought process was clear. He was optimistic about his friend’s battle.

      However, Kakashi only felt an indescribable feeling of dread wash across his body. It was likely that Itachi was the one with the more prominent Chakra. The Clan-Killer had only average Chakra reserves, but he was a master at conserving and using his Chakra.

      “...Do you really think Sasuke-kun won?” Sakura asked hesitantly, looking down. Hair fell across her eyes.

      He wanted to say yes. He wanted to say yes so badly that he could imagine the lie rolling off his tongue effortlessly.

    Kakashi did not know what to do if they found Sasuke dead. Naruto had spent so long trying to retrieve Sasuke, and Sakura had missed him for so long. What if all that work was for nothing? He glanced over at Naruto again, studying his expression intently. Naruto’s face was tight, his jaw flexing beneath the skin.

        What would Naruto do if they found Sasuke dead? As much as Kakashi wanted to shield his students from seeing Sasuke’s possibly dead body, he knew he could not hide the truth from them.

    “I’m not sure,” he said finally. Unable to elaborate, he leapt down from the tree and towards the wrecked Uchiha Hideout. As soon as he stepped in, he felt this unbearable, heavy aura that pressed against him on all sides. It sucked the air from his lungs and made his throat close.

  Wholeheartedly, he prayed that he wouldn’t find Sasuke’s dead body.

____________________________________________________________________________

   The rain hadn’t stopped.

  Through the water falling into his eyes and the water vapor starting to form, Kakashi saw a broken, bloodied body–no, bodies. He blinked away at the water.

    A deep feeling of dread filled his stomach. Both Sasuke and Itachi were down.

    From his side, Sakura gasped, immediately running to the body’s side and dropping beside him. Soothing green Chakra was already emitting from Sakura’s hands. She had the steady hands of a real medic–Tsunade trained her well– but her composure was slipping.

    It didn’t take long before Naruto dropped to his knees on the other side of Sasuke, his eyes widening as he took in Sasuke’s battered form.
 
Naruto’s hand pressed against the pulse point at Sasuke’s neck, lingering for a long, tense moment before he let out a sigh of relief. He was alive.

    “Sasuke…just hang in there…” Naruto murmured, this time pressing a hand against Sakura’s shaking shoulders. There were small sounds coming out of the girl’s mouth–barely audible hiccups.

    Kakashi was surprised. Sasuke wasn’t really hurt. From what he could see, Sasuke had maybe a few bruises and severe Chakra exhaustion. He glanced over at Itachi’s limp body next to Sasuke’s, which was in far worse shape.

    So Sasuke really did win, huh…

      But it didn’t feel right. Was Itachi fooling them? Were they under some elaborate genjutsu? Silently, he tried to disperse any genjutsu.

    There was no way… Kakashi’s head whirled at the thought. The hideout was wrecked from their battle–covered with black flames that clearly came from Itachi’s eyes. Surely the elder Uchiha had the advantage…yet he was the one who lost.

      Itachi would not have lost this battle under any circumstances, Kakashi decided. There was simply no way…

      He looked at Itachi’s face. Even at death he wore calmness like armor–lifeless eyes gazing at the sky. His skin was pale, almost grey, all traces of blood washed away from the rain. The man was now twenty-one–less than a decade away from the kid Kakashi once knew. Yet, it felt like several lifetimes–Kakashi could hardly recognize him.

      Itachi’s eyes no longer held youthful curiosity nor compassion. At thirteen, Itachi had been distant. Detached, almost. But there was a clear difference between that version of Itachi and this one.

    One version of Itachi was fake, and it was easier to believe that the perfect ANBU captain never existed at all. 

    Trying not to stare too hard at Sasuke’s bloody form, he picked his way to Itachi’s side. The younger man looked even worse than he did when they last met. His cheeks were hollow, and he looked like nothing but skin and bones. Kakashi reached a hand towards his neck.

      He hesitated.

    Kakashi hadn’t hesitated when he plunged a chidori through an enemy’s chest, nor when he slashed a kuniochi across the throat with a kunai. Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to touch the cold, dead skin of his ex-comrade.

    He was too still. Uchiha Itachi could not be dead.

    In other circumstances, he would’ve been amused. Even lifeless and still, his mind was still somewhat broken from Itachi’s Tsukuyomi. Brief images of the red landscape flashed through his mind. Pushing back his discomfort, he pressed two fingers against the slick flesh of the dead man’s neck.

    He had expected to find nothing except the silent reassurance that Sasuke succeeded.    Instead, he felt a barely noticeable pulse beneath the skin.

  “He’s alive.”

__________________________________________________________________________

     “You’re back!” Sasuke pounced on Itachi, who patted his head. “What took you so long!? You said you would come back yesterday!””

      “Sorry, Sasuke,” Itachi smiled down at him, but didn’t elaborate. “Have you eaten?”

      “Nuh-uh” He shook his head fervently, “I’ve been waiting for you! Mom already made dinner!”

      “That isn’t good,” Itachi said, frowning. But Sasuke was already tugging him to the dinner table.

      As he sat down next to Sasuke, Itachi thought that maybe everything would be fine.

Chapter Text

 Kakashi sat on the small stool in the corner of the room, a book balanced across his palm. Sasuke’s condition was stabilized, though his stillness made Kakashi tempted to uncover his Sharingan to check his breathing. The steady rise and fall of his chest was barely noticeable under the thin sheets.

He had grown taller, Kakashi noticed halfmindedly. He was unhealthily pale and thinner, too, with the build of a lanky teenager mid growth spurt. His hair had thinned out from the malnourishment of being rogue for several years. Perhaps he had been too busy with his revenge to worry about proper nutrition, Kakashi mused to himself.

Naruto and Sakura were talking to Lady Hokage. Tsunade seemed skeptical of Sasuke’s loyalty. She was convinced that he was mad and unstable with revenge–that he would be unpredictable if he ever discovered that Itachi was still alive and that Konoha was treating him. In the end, Tsunade agreed to treat Sasuke and wait until he was well for further questioning. Until then, she would have ANBU placed around the hospital and Itachi roomed in the furthest wing possible. She made them promise that when Sasuke woke up, no one would mention Itachi’s survival.

      Naruto and Sakura were still unhappy with the compromise, claiming that Sasuke had not betrayed the Leaf in any way. However, Tsunade stood firm.

There were five ANBU around Sasuke’s room. That was nothing compared to the surveillance Tsunade had for Itachi. Kakashi estimated that there were almost a dozen just around the hospital wing, and probably more outside. It felt like overkill, if Kakashi was being honest. The man had not even stirred.

  Tsunade’s intention with the missing-nin wasn’t specified, but it wasn’t difficult to figure out that she wanted more details on the Uchiha massacre. The reasons behind the tragedy had always been a blank slate, the case closed unusually fast with little to no investigation.

  It had always struck Kakashi as weird, but he tried not to linger on it. He didn’t want to admit it, but it hurt to think about the massacre and the perpetrator. Itachi had slipped right through his fingers and he failed to notice before it was too late. There was something more to the massacre–he was sure of it–but it was easier to pretend there wasn’t.

  He flipped the page of the book, not even bothering to read the previous page. The sound of paper interrupted his train of thought, luckily.

      “I can’t believe Lady Hokage is being so lenient,” Kakashi muttered. Unlike Naruto and Sakura, Kakashi could see how Sasuke is and could be dangerous. After all, Sasuke got strong enough to drive Itachi to the brink of death…

 Truthfully, he was surprised that Tsunade hadn’t decided to throw Sasuke into a prison the second he was lucid enough to answer questions. Kakashi suspected that Lady Hokage had some form of sympathy for the boy. Losing someone you love was hard, but imagine losing your entire clan to someone you used to love. Kakashi couldn’t begin to imagine how Sasuke must feel…

    Well, maybe to an extent he could. But he liked to pretend he didn’t. After all, he couldn’t really help Sasuke even if he tried. He couldn’t even save Itachi…

  Itachi couldn’t have been saved, he reminded himself, halfheartedly. He never really knew him, after all.

  But the image of the young boy who loved his brother more than anything kept replaying in his mind. When–if Itachi woke up, could he really look him in the eyes and tell him all those moments were fake? The thought conflicted him.

Kakashi held some belief in his heart that Itachi did harbor love for his little brother in his own twisted way. The reasoning behind the massacre was never clarified, but why spare only Sasuke?

    Kakashi shook his head, snapping his book shut. He didn’t want to think of these things.

    On cue, Naruto burst into the room, followed by Sakura. They had immediately gone to Tsunade, so they hadn't seen Sasuke for some hours.

    “Kakashi-sensei!” Naruto cried, “Is Sasuke alright?”

    “Shut up, you idiot!” Sakura yelled, “I already told you that he only has chakra exhaustion. Lady Hokage herself treated him!”

Their earnestness was sobering, in a way. The hospital room felt brighter with his student’s perpetual banter. The fog in his mind pulled away, bringing some sort of clarity to his mind.

        “When will he wake up?” Naruto asked hesitantly. They both looked at Kakashi for an answer.

Mildly uncomfortable at their expectant stares, Kakashi rubbed the back of his head, offering them a laid-back smile. “Easy, guys. I don’t know. I thought you two asked Lady Tsunade already.”

He tried his hardest to calm the nerves of his student. They were so worried for their teammate…in a way that was heartwarming if he ignored their current situation.

  It must be difficult, Kakashi decided, to see their teammate in such a state. They had always been close, even if Sasuke always tried to pull away. 

        “Don’t worry so much,” Kakashi said simply, “If stress could wake him up, he would be running laps by now.”

        “But what if–”

        “You guys should go take some rest,” Kakashi cut in gently.

Frankly, Kakashi didn’t want them to leave. He would never let himself admit it, but he missed the feeling of normal-ness when they were around.

But when Naruto and Sakura reluctantly left the room, he felt less scrutinized.

The text of Icha Icha felt like it bore into his eyes underneath the fluorescent lights of the hospital. The flickering, blue lights did nothing to help Sasuke’s complexion.

  Gai had brought Kakashi some food. The savory aroma of miso and fish only made him feel nauseous, but he hadn’t the heart to throw them away. 

Sitting in a hospital room was almost as boring as paperwork. Four hours of rereading Icha Icha, his back was starting to hurt against the flimsy plastic chair. The horrible, disgustingly bright lights did nothing but give him a headache. And if that light in the corner flickered one more time, God forbid…

With a sigh, he stood up and stretched the soreness out of his limbs. Picking up the plastic container of food, he reached for the doorknob, casting one more glance at Sasuke’s still body.

        He’s out cold.

  Kakashi couldn’t even begin to imagine the physical exhaustion after fighting the infamous clan killer. Silently, he apologized to the younger Uchiha. He should’ve seen the signs–that Sasuke was too unstable and revenge-driven to be left unsupervised. He could’ve stopped him from this path, if he had just stopped to think…

Why hadn’t he realized just how much seeing your family killed could mess someone up so badly? It was a thought always present in his mind, but he found himself pushing it away, avoiding the fact that it was his fault the massacre occurred in the first place. He had failed not one, not two, but three Uchihas, and that wasn’t even counting the entire clan.

Kakashi felt like one big failure. He messed up so many times he found it almost humorous.

The day his father killed himself, Kakashi swore to value the mission over the comrades. He couldn’t understand why his father hadn’t, and that’s why he died. It was easy at first–-just distancing himself from his team. He kept away from them to the best of his ability, but found himself accepting their offers to eat dinner together one too many times.

But as his fist penetrated Rin’s chest, he finally understood his father. The day Obito, Rin, Minato, and Kushina died, Kakashi’s world was brought into a horrible new clarity.

In a kinder universe, he would’ve spent more time with them while he had the chance. He would’ve made them dinner after training, maybe paid for their dinner or sparred with them. Maybe he would’ve had conversations with them like how real friends did, or maybe tried to respond back to Minato’s attempts at conversation.

However, he knew deep down that in the kindest universe, he would’ve never met them at all.

He brushed his fingers across the cool metal of the Konoha headband, over Obito’s eye. The sudden awareness of someone else’s body part in his skull tingled along his spine. The eye felt like an intrusion, an object of theft.

He still needed to go change the flowers by Obito’s grave.

Itachi’s room was a long walk away–the opposite side of the hospital. The room had multiple safety precautions, which Kakashi did not condone. He understood Lady Hokage’s paranoia, especially after his last encounter with Itachi that sent him into a coma. He had already sensed five ANBU agents around the trees outside.

Itachi’s room was cold and empty, only containing a bed and beeping machines. It was a stark contrast to Sasuke’s room, which was filled with flowers, letters, and decorations that Naruto and Sakura put up. They definitely overdecorated it, Kakashi thought, amused. But it was sweet in a way.

        “Kakashi.” The voice came from Tsunade, who stopped her pacing to look at him. “What are you here for?”

      “Just wanted to check in.” Kakashi answered calmly, “he isn’t holding up very well, I see.”

Kakashi’s eyes trailed over to Itachi, but found himself regretting it. Itachi looked thinner than ever. He was probably lighter than Sasuke despite being half a head taller. His joints were overly conspicuous, bones protruding from the thin skin. He had a deathly pallor, contrasted by the inky spill of his hair. There was a barely visible rise and fall of his chest. He looked deader than any living human should look.

Seeing someone in such a state was disturbing, even for Kakashi, who had witnessed countless deaths. Somehow, the idea that someone whose heart was still beating could be in  such a poor state made him feel a little queasy inside.

The sight of him triggered an unpleasant series of chills throughout Kakashi’s body. He could remember the Tsukuyomi, the sword driven through his abdomen, and the blood moon.

      Tsunade sighed loudly. “No. He is holding up.”

      Kakashi took another glance at Itachi dubiously. “Sure.”

The Hokage glared at him, but there wasn’t any real bite behind it. She looked so tired. Even with her impeccable makeup and regal appearance, her exhaustion showed through. There were dark circles that colored her pale skin. Her voice was flat, clipped.

    “That’s the thing,” she said, “He should be dead. He should’ve died a long time ago.”

      Huh.

    “Did he have an injury?”

    “No. An illness. There are extensive dark shapes in his lungs and chest cavity, his lungs and heart are in a poor state, he could not have been a shinobi without extreme pain…” Tsunade trailed off with another long, suffering sigh.

“Drugs. A cocktail of them. Painkillers, illegal suppressants. It prolonged his life but…well, in short, he should’ve died over a year ago.” Tsunade said before he could ask.

    “What’s puzzling me is that it seems like the traces of the drugs were fainter than they should’ve been. Before his battle with Sasuke, he had skipped a day or two of medication. He couldn’t have survived long without it. The medicine he used was known for being highly addictive and having horrible side effects if the patient skips a dosage. The bastard’s been pumping himself full of poisons just to stay on his feet.”

Kakashi silently processed the information, slowly chewing it through. It made sense that Itachi would try to prolong his life in his search for power, if what he claimed were the reasons behind the massacre was really true. But wouldn’t he be prepared to defeat Sasuke? Why would he skip the dosage of medicine knowing that it would have consequences?

    “Itachi was stronger than Sasuke during their battle. Was this ‘mystery’ illness the reason he lost?”

    “Maybe…” but the rest was left unsaid. Because Itachi hadn’t lost–he was still alive. Barely, but still hanging on.

    “I’m trying to keep him alive. At least long enough for interrogation. After that…”

     Kakashi knew she wasn’t sure either. Tsunade rubbed her temples. Would information on the massacre even change anything? After all, the reasons were stated by Itachi himself…

      “He’s mad. Maybe he thought he could go without it–that it would make him stronger. Maybe he miscalculated.” Tsunade theorized, but her words lacked conviction.

    Itachi never miscalculated. He never overestimated himself, even when he was one of the most talented shinobi in the past century. He would never carelessly forget to take the medicine that he was dependent on. Kakashi knew he didn’t have to say it out loud, because the message was clear; Itachi had a plan.

Something pulled at the corners of his mind, but he quickly brushed it away.  A subtle feeling of dream washed over his being.

    “Kakashi.” Tsunade said, suddenly sharp. Kakashi turned to look at her. “No matter what, do not tell Sasuke that Itachi is alive. You know how much he was blinded by hatred–now imagine if he learns that he failed.”

    Kakashi swallowed. He didn’t disagree, but it still felt wrong. Sasuke deserved to hear his brother’s reasons behind the massacre–the entire truth from him. It was Sasuke who deserved to decide Itachi’s punishment, as he was the greatest victim of the massacre.

      Tsunade must’ve sensed his uneasiness, because she added;

    “At least not until we get the answers behind the massacre.”

      “Yes, Lady Hokage.”

Kakashi stared at Itachi’s half-dead body.

      Itachi, what were you really thinking?

___________________________________________________________________________

      Itachi peered down at his little brother. He was so little–so innocent…it made his heart ache that one day Sasuke might learn the horrors of war. He remembered the blood, the wails of pain as shinobi fought to the death. He shuddered at the thought of Sasuke witnessing such bloodshed.

    So as the two year old climbed into his lap, Itachi made a promise;

    “Your big brother will protect you no matter what.”

    Even if it cost him his brother’s hatred, or Itachi’s very own life. His little brother will always come before him. Always.
     
_________________________________________________________________________

     
     
The Naka River breathed under Sasuke, its surface rippling like silk. His bare feet sank below the riverbed, slowly slipping beneath the cool mud and smooth pebbles. The world was still around the river. The wind stilled in the air and the birds stopped chirping. Even the sounds of the river were muted, as if covered by a thick, invisible cloth.

He took a step to the deeper end of the river, where the water moved more rapidly and reached his knees. Cool liquid lapped against his skin, soaking through his pants and sandals. It weighed him down, dragging him further and further. A chill ran up his spine.

Here, he could let the water seep into his shirt and slowly swallow him…

As the water covered his nose and mouth, he felt a sense of resignation .

      “Sasuke, don’t go too far!”

He blinked. The world started moving.

He was no longer being engulfed in the river. Instead, he was in waist-deep water. In his hands held a collection of pebbles–small, stubby fingers wrapping clumsily around them. His cupped hands were filled to the brim with dull reds and greys, he struggled to keep them from slipping out.

For the first time he looked around. Really looked. Everything was perfect. Sounds of warmth and content flooded his ears and he felt an unfamiliar sense of euphoria. 

The sunlight filtered through the leaves, warming his skin and the water around him. The sounds of distant laughter and burnt fish were carried in the wind. The crickets were chirping again. It felt as though someone removed the cloth of stillness around him. Sasuke wiped away the small droplets of water on his face with his sleeve. Had he been crying?

    “Sasuke? Are you okay over there?”

He turned towards the familiar voice. Itachi was sitting beneath a tree with Shisui, who was whispering in his ear with a smug expression. Shisui held a skewer of fish that was clearly charred and was trying to force-feed it down Itachi’s throat.

At the sight of his brother, Sasuke grinned wildly, stumbling through the water towards the riverbank. Itachi and Shisui might like some of the rocks he found. Maybe he could give some to Mother and Father if he found enough of the good ones…

The river seemed to expand in front of him. Each step only led him further from the shore. The stones repeated beneath his feet and he kept tripping over the same sunken branch.

    “Oh, you got new rocks?” Shisui grinned at him, voice still clear despite the increased distance, “C’mere, let me check them out.”

Annoyed at Shisui, Sasuke wanted to show Itachi first. Itachi offered him a gentle smile. Shisui always had the brightest smile and Itachi always had the kindest. His older brother never showed him anything but love.

      He would never hurt him.

      So why were his eyes red?

For a second, Itachi’s smile looked weird. It was too wide, pulling at the sides of his face. A brief flicker of something that wasn’t Itachi.

     Sasuke stopped dead in his tracks. The rocks slipped from his hands, dropping back into the river.

      No, no, no. Stop.

      The sky split into red. The blue pulled apart at the seams, revealing a crimson sky. The world darkened as a dark curtain had been drawn across the sky. Shadows slithered from the forest, lingering near the riverbank. 

     Stop.

He waited for the nightmare to end. Closing his eyes, he pictured their home…Mother and Father smiling at him. He could open his eyes and find himself curled in Itachi’s arms or maybe sitting at the dinner table with his family or—-

    Splash. 

He whirled around at the sound of a body slamming into water. Itachi had Shisui beneath him. His hands were around his neck, dragging his head down into the water. The water seemed to swell, swallowing Shisui whole, latching onto his body and pulling him close.

For a second, Shisui managed to kick himself free and gasp for air. But he was slammed back into the water before he could even get half a breath. Watching the scene, Sasuke felt as if his lungs were filling with water instead.

    Gasping for breath, Sasuke tried to cry out–for who he wasn’t sure. Instead, water gurgled up in his throat, devouring his words. He coughed, once, twice, his throat grasped in an iron grip by his own fingers. The water that dribbled down his chin was red, red ,red, splashing onto the river below with small explosions of color. For a second, he was the one under Itachi, not Shisui. There was too much water in his lungs, each inhale burnt his airways.

Shisui thrashed and struggled, but his attempts were all held down by Itachi–who pressed his whole weight against him. Itachi was an unmovable force, Sasuke realized. He was hunched over, thin arms unyielding to Shisui’s struggling. Water dripped from his face and fell from his nose as he calmly watched the life drain from his best friend.

Half covered by his damp, mud-slick hair, the corners of Itachi’s lips lifted. A sick smile spread across his face. Red  eyes peered down at his drowning friend.

    “Itachi! Stop!” But it wasn’t loud enough to reach his brother. The river rose halfway to meet his words. His voice was too quiet, too high pitched…

The current was stronger now, almost enough to sweep Sasuke off his feet. He watched helplessly as Shisui clawed helplessly at Itachi’s arms, leaving angry red marks down his arms. The wounds weren’t registered by Itachi at all, who just applied more pressure, pressing him deeper into the water. Slowly, his movements grew sluggish–slower and clumsy.

      Slam. Crunch

Despite Shisui being under water, Sasuke heard the dull sound of his skull cracking against the rocks. Blood blossomed in the water like a flower in early spring, petals spanning further and wider. He recoiled, cowering. He tried to run, but his feet were rooted to the ground. He couldn’t move.

The water gurgled below the surface. Sasuke could see pinkish blood beneath the water slowly bubbling towards the surface, turning the water murky. It soaked through his clothes as the tang of iron filled the air.

Slowly, Itachi’s fingers slipped away from his neck. Shisui’s limp body floated to the surface. He bobbed in the water, lazily carried away by the current. It was so insignificant; the water easily washed him away like he was nothing but a stain wiped clean.

Shisui, who walked him home when Itachi was too busy. Shisui, who helped him with his homework when Father didn’t have time. Shisui, who loved Itachi like his younger brother, was gone just like that.

Itachi’s head lifted slowly, damp hair falling away from his face. His arms dropped to his sides, blood seeping from his wounds. It crawled along the pale flesh, trailing across the bony forearm and wrist like vines, making its way to the tips of his fingers.

His expression was eager–he looked hungry. He looked at Sasuke the way he looked at Shisui– a mix of hatred, love, and everything in between. 

   On top of the kind, gentle older brother, was a heartless version of Itachi with red eyes and cruel words. One version of Itachi would hold him after nightmares, and another would break his wrist without a second thought. 

Sasuke wondered which one was real. Had his perfect older brother ever existed in the first place?

He thought for the first time that maybe–just maybe, Itachi did love them. Maybe he just loved power more. He was just always stronger than Sasuke–strong enough to kill his best friend for power while Sasuke couldn’t. The thought was somehow worse than believing he never loved them.

Itachi walked towards him. Sasuke couldn’t run. Would he be next? Would he suffer the same fate as Shisui? He could imagine Itachi’s hands coming around his throat, the push that would send him underwater. He could imagine his own writhing as he inhaled the water, the feeling of his own consciousness fading, the loss of feeling in his limbs as he succumbed to the cold water.

    Please, no, no, no…

    Not yet. He wanted to talk to their parents. Just one more time.

    He didn’t want to die yet. He wanted to play hide and seek with Itachi again. He wanted to banter with Shisui again. Maybe help Mom with washing the vegetables, or go to the night market again.

    Just not yet. Please.

    He was supposed to make genin, chunin, then join the police force…

     Itachi’s soulless eyes met his. A smile spread across his lips. In his expression, Sasuke saw both gentleness and cruelty, love and hate.

  Sasuke also saw Itachi bringing the sword down on their parents. He saw the dead bodies scattered across the street, the blood that dripped from every surface like rainwater. At first, he hadn’t believed his older brother did such a heinous act, but everything was crystal clear after the massacre. 

He remembered sitting in the hospital, staring off into space as the nurses hovered around him, checking his blood and asking him questions which he didn’t bother to answer. Only after he was discharged did the Hokage call him in to explain what happened to his brother. But Sasuke hadn’t needed an explanation, he already knew. Every thought he had was plagued by the memories of his parent’s deaths by Itachi’s hand, from every angle.

A sudden rush of clarity greeted him; he wanted to kill Itachi. Because Itachi deserved to die.. Just this once, he could be strong enough to avenge his clan. The lucidity was so clear that it filled him to the rim with unnamed emotions.

So he met Itachi halfway, shoving him hard in the chest. It felt like Itachi was rooted to the ground. Even with Sasuke’s full weight behind the push, Itachi still stood tall and regal–unmoveable. Sasuke stumbled back instead. Against the rushing water, he regained his balance.

    “Why?” he yelled. He shoved him again. Hard. Itachi swayed back a little, but didn’t move. “Why didn’t you kill me that night? Why did you kill everyone else but me?”

      “Why?” Itachi echoed softly. “You’re not even worth killing…foolish little brother.”