Chapter Text

‘So pretty…’

Noelle wasn’t exactly unused to thoughts like these. For all her faults she could name, having a poor sense of self wasn’t one of them.

At five she’d known she was a girl, known it so strongly that it hurt. Had it been scary to voice, to go against everything she’d previously known? Of course. But everything had been scary back then. What was one more fear? It had been easier to be brave, with Dess by her side. Chill, easy going Dess. With her seemingly bottomless supply of strength; never afraid, never backing down. Someone Noelle could always depend on, whose very presence made everything alright, even just for a little while.

Gosh had she admired her…

So she’d reached out, tiny quivering hands gripping onto Dess’ jaded jeans, as though her very life had depended on it.

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“What’s up, Gingersnap?”

Dess grinned, dropping into a quick squat beside her little brother. The poor kid was shaking like a leaf, eyes wide and shimmering with unshed tears. Man, what had Kris done now? … Wait, wasn’t the gremlin outta town today? She vaguely remembered Azzy talking about some boring ass flower convention, whining about he was gonna miss DnD this afternoon.

So what was it that had her baby bro looking more spooked than a literal ghost?

“Come on kid, you can tell me. What’s got ya freakin’ out? Need me to smash something? Grab a mouse for ya? Do I gotta tell Mom to tone it down with the damn fussing? I swear if she’s gettin’ on your ass about gettin’ dirt on ya again I’m gonna FLI-”

“I- I’m not a boy…”

Huh. Was that it?

“Gotcha,” was her simple reply, her smile easy as rough fingers ruffled their way through her lil sibling's golden locks. “Got any idea what you are?”

“A… A girl. Like you, Dess.”

She sounded so scared. No, not scared. Terrified It made her heart ache. Her baby sis looked so tiny and fragile, like one wrong word was all it would take for her to shatter. A thought that twisted her stomach into knots.

Not that Dess let it show. No. Not in front of her.

“Hell yeah! Welcome to girlhood, squirt. Mom’s gonna wanna dress you up reeeal bad. How you feel about dresses and ribbons? I know she went buck wild on me when I was your age,” Dess barely suppressed a shudder at the memory. So much lace…

With the way her eyes lit up, unshed tears drying as the cutest of smiles bloomed across her tiny face, Dess was pretty sure that her sister was more than okay with the idea. To each their own, she guessed. She’d rather dunk her head in barf than wear a single dainty frill. But if her baby sis wanted to be the world’s prettiest princess then she’d make damn well sure that she got every ribbon and curl she wanted!

Anything for her.

“You wanna tell Mom and Dad?”

Those same tiny hands that clung to her jeans tightened their grip. Was she still scared?

“Hey… I promise ya, nothing bad will happen. Not with me by your side! As lame as they can be, they’re not assholes. You wanna hold my hand as we tell ‘em?”

Dess held out her hand, strong and steady, and curled it protectively around her sister’s. She felt her tiny fingers grasp at her own, hanging on for dear life.

“Thank you, Dess…”

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Noelle still felt her hand in hers, holding tight whenever life got to be too much.

At least figuring out that she liked girls hadn’t been anywhere near that terrifying. Not that she’d been the one to, well, come to that conclusion. Unlike girlhood, which she’d been ever so sure of, how she’d felt about others had been… murky?

As bright as she was, Noelle had always struggled when it came to people. People were scary. Unpredictable. Full of expectations. You couldn’t just read a few books and know everything you needed to know. Reactions changed depending on moods, on how you said something, down to the tone of your voice. They asked questions, poking and prodding, demanding answers that only satisfied if they pleased them. They changed without warning, left without goodbyes.

People hurt to be around.

Of course she knew that wasn’t true of everyone. She had better relationships now, friends she could depend on, a father who was getting better every day and did his best for her. A mother who was finally letting go, who was moving forward, letting her family grow. And Dess…

She’d had all that too back then. It’d been different, of course. A fuller family. No trauma that broke them apart. No sad, lonely lost girls…

Back when Noelle was eight, and her biggest problem had been picking which character was going to be her number one crush for the week, a phenomenon all too familiar to Dess at that point.

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“This your newest crush, Elly?”

Noelle flinched, slamming the laptop shut with burning hot cheeks. If this had been anyone else, Dess might have teased them about looking up sexy shit online. But the three headed cat beast her sister had been fawning over like a lovesick puppy was about as PG as they came. Maybe a lil’ creepy, but only in that ‘horror games for babies’ kinda way.

Heh, maybe Azzy could actually handle something like that?

“Hey, no judging! You can’t help who you get the hots for. What’s this one’s name? She the new Wife of the Week?”

“I- I… Yeah. She’s- How did you…?”

“You’ve gotta type~”

“A type?”

Dess almost laughed at the way her sister’s snout scrunched up, nose glowing a bright red as brought her gaze up to meet with hers. Confusion was sneaking its way past the initial embarrassment of being caught, and Dess knew it wouldn’t be all that long before the questions started.

Not that she minded. Noelle valued the shit she said, actually listened like her thoughts meant a damn. It was kinda nice, feeling like the smart kid sometimes.

“Yeah. Ya know, a type. Like…”

Dess hummed, flopping down onto the bed beside Noelle. Her sister gave a squeal of delight, setting the bulky old laptop to the side before flopping herself.

“Guess it’s kinda hard to explain. There’s just things, patterns I guess? I’ve always liked dorky guys. Got a thing for sweet nerds with hearts of gold.”

“Like Azzy?”

“Wouldn’t be smoochin’ him if not~”

The face Noelle made had Dess snorting into her sleeve, trying desperately to smother her laughter. Couldn't have her thinking she was laughing at her after all.

“That and badass chicks who could kick my ass.”

Shame there wasn’t anyone like that in Hometown. Not that she would, ya know, do anything if there was. Dess wouldn’t dream of cheating on Asriel, not in a thousand years! Looking wasn’t a crime though, and both Azzy and herself had spent more than a few trips to the city letting their eyes wander. Neither were shy in sharing their thoughts when it was just the two of them, and that included total cuties and leather wearing hotties that crossed their paths.

Not that Noelle needed to know that part.

“So… a type is who you get crushes on?”

“You’re half right,” Dess answered with a grin. “It’s more like the shit they share. Like- Okay, gimme a sec here.”

There was a rustling as Dess threw a hand behind herself, tongue sticking out just ever so slightly as she blindly pawed around.

“Where is- Ah! There!”

Held high in triumph was battered, sticker bombed smart phone. Its screen was cracked, a fresh battle wound she’d been hiding from her mother for the past week. The last thing she needed was another lecture on ‘respecting her property’ and ‘thinking before doing stupid, reckless stunts’.

Like she did that shit on purpose.

“Lemme just…”

“What are you-”

Noelle blinked, slow and deliberate, as she focussed on the screen that had oh so suddenly been shoved before her curious eyes. A picture of a cartoon wolf stared back at her, piercing sharp teeth glimmering in a cocky, dangerous smile.

“Subject 1: That kick ass wolf lady from Tales From The Grove.”

A flick of Dess’ finger and the image changed. Now there was a tall, totally ripped stone gollum. Gems were embedded throughout her body, and the one within her palm was glowing bright, producing a brilliant blue flame.

“Subject 2: Shardheart from Hyper Battle 2.”

Another swipe, and Noelle was staring at a short elven woman. Long pink hair, a serene smile and flowing, frilled robes. She would have looked out of place beside the other two, if not for the impractically large sword she wielded, crackling with electricity.

“Subject 3: Elyra Morningglow from Eternal Glades.”

Then finally, with one last flick, came the same three headed cat beast that Noelle had been silently swooning for not five minutes ago. She stood tall, each eye a different color, matching with her long, gnarled claws.

“Subject 4: Chroma Claws from… uh, some kinda creepy pasta?” Dess shrugged. “You seeing the pattern, Elly?”

“... No?”

“Want me to spell it out for ya?”

Noelle’s answer came in a swift little nod.

“Please, Dess?”

Angel above, how could anyone say no to that? Nothing buffed her self esteem like being relied on, like being made to feel clever, like her opinions meant a damn. Like she was more than just some dumb ass screw up, a lost cause of a delinquent who would never amount to anything.

Like her mother wouldn’t give a damn if she just… vanished. Would most people in this podunk town even notice?

… Her Dad would. Azzy and Kris too. And Noelle. She NEEDED her. That was reason enough to stay.

“Okay, okay!” Dess snorted out a laugh. “One: They’re all pretty powerful and brave. Two: They’re outcasts. And three: … They’re all girls. So my best guess? You wanna date a lady who’s a lonely badass with a soft heart deep down inside. Who can keep you safe from anything that scares ya, who will always have your back.”

The rest didn’t really matter. Looks didn’t really seem to play much of a part. Every crush Noelle had ever had was vastly different when it came down to appearances. Not that Dess hadn’t noticed her getting flustered over a pretty face. But the parts that mattered, that got someone pasted into Elly’s ever growing folder of Super Secret Crushes?

Well, the pattern was obvious, wasn’t it? Her shy, easily spooked little sister just wanted a knight in- uh, maybe not shining armour. Maybe not a knight either. Noelle hadn’t enjoyed playing knights and castles for a while now. Not that she could blame her. Being the princess stuck in the tower all the time sucked major balls. Who seriously enjoyed pretending to be helplessly trapped all day? They already lived that life, minus the sick ass man eating dragon.

… Heh, Noelle would probably rather date the dragon than see it slayed anyway.

“Not that I’m sayin’ that every crush you get will be like that. Types can change. But you defs have a thing for badass girls. Maybe non-binary folk too? Shardheart ain’t really a lady, she just goes by she/her. Ain’t a guy in sight though.”

Noelle wrinkled her nose at that.

“I don’t want to make kissy faces at boys like you and Azzy.”

“But would you make kissy faces at a girl?”

The radiant glow of Noelle’s cheeks was all the answer Dess needed.

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dess had been right, of course. Fully right. Noelle still liked girls. She had less than zero interest in boys. The occasional enby had captured her gaze. Bravery was attractive, as was confidence and strength. Her heart couldn’t help but ache for the ostracized and lonely, her pains reflected in every glance they shared.

Only they were people now. Real people. Like Kris and Susie.

Kris had been her very first crush outside of the realm of fiction. A silly fleeting thing when they were nine, gone in a matter of weeks after they’d held hands on the ferris wheel. Gosh, her hands had been so sweaty, shaking worse than the carriage they swung from, already swaying far too much for her liking. Kris being Kris hadn’t noticed a thing. They’d simply laughed and used their free hand to swing the carriage around even more, excited to prank the ever easy to scare deerling.

At least they’d been nice enough to stop once she’d started crying. They even let her drag them onto the ‘boring kiddy rides’ for the next hour to make up for it!

Then Dess had gone missing and…

….

Noelle hadn’t had a serious crush until Susie rocked up 5 years later. There was no denying it, she’d been down BAD. Infatuation at first sight that swiftly grew into an all consuming crush. A crush that grew into love, soft and sweet and oh so hopeful. Susie had been exactly her type. Brave. Strong. Assertive. Confident. A badass with a heart of gold. She took no shit, could fight her way through anyone and anything! Yet, she was kind too. There was a hidden softness, reserved only for those who cared enough to stick around, who bothered to see past her rough edges and see the golden heart that lay within.

It was no wonder Noelle had been smitten. Nor that she hadn’t been the only one.

Berdly had liked her. Kind of. Maybe. At least he’d thought so at the time. But he’d thought a lotof things at the time. Not that she was blaming him or anything! Berdly might have been a little annoying back then, but he’d been a loyal friend and she knew he cared immensely for her. He’d just needed to do a bit of soul searching! He was happier these days, finally at home in his own feathers. Comfortable in who he was. Not a genius, nor a casanova who made all the ladies (and theydies) swoon. That guy was gone. In his place was someone secure in their gender, an AroAce man with a solid B+ average. Someone who didn’t fear failure, but saw it as another challenge to combat, to learn and improve.

Noelle was proud of him.

Berdly hadn’t been her sole competitor for Susie’s heart though. No, by the time she’d found who she was truly competing against the fight was already long over. Had she ever stood a chance? It wasn’t that Susie hadn’t liked her, hadn’t noticed her. Despite her nerves, her anxieties around others, they’d still had their moments. Sweet moments, vulnerable and warm, where everything had just felt right. Noelle still kept those moments close to her heart, even as that love had changed, had morphed into something closer to friendship.

Back then though? She’d been heartbroken. Jealous. Furious. Watching Kris kiss Susie, their hand lingering upon her cheek in a touch so tender it burned, had hurt in ways she hadn’t thought possible. Gosh how she’d cried, screaming into her pillow that it just wasn’t fair. Hadn’t she suffered enough? Hadn’t she fought hard too, growing and learning and changing, becoming someone who could change her fate, who could stand strong against her fears?

Her own two hands had grasped at Dess’, helped pull her from the deepest darks, and brought her home. She fought titans, braved horrors none should ever have to witness, had saved the gosh darned world! All at the age of fifteen. No teenager should have to go through all that. No PERSON should… So why?

Why was this her reward? Too hurt by her friend’s romance to seek them out. Too aware that Dess was in no state to save her this time, to hold her close and chase off all her pains and fears. Too used to dealing with everything alone to even think of reaching out to her parents, sure that with Dess back, oh so weak and scarred by the darkness that had consumed her, would be needing every bit of attention they had.

Perhaps Noelle would have laid there forever, lost to the darkest depths of her mind, had she not noticed a soft knocking at her bedroom door.

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ralsei wasn’t quite sure what possessed him to do this. He certainly wasn’t close to Noelle. Not to say that he disliked the girl! No, she was lovely, he was sure of that. But their time together had been short, and none of it had been spent just between them both. To call her a friend felt disingenuous, yet something like an acquaintance felt too cold, too disconnected.

Somewhere in between, maybe?

There was something there though. Something important, something real. Whatever that was, it made him ache, knowing that Noelle was hurting like this. Hurting like himself, nursing the shattered remains of a broken heart. Perhaps he would have been like that too, had Ralsei not seen it coming. He'd known that his love would never be returned, not in the way he so desperately wanted. He’d seen the signs, had watched as friendship morphed into something else before him, slipping through his fingers like wisps of coiling smoke.

Worse still Ralsei couldn’t even find it in his heart to be bitter over it. It felt too selfish, too cruel, to shed even a single tear over this. Shouldn’t he be happy? His friends were in love, they’d all survived, the world was safe, Noelle had her sister back. The prophecy had been averted, and Ralsei was… real. Was here, in the light world, forever more. He SHOULD be happy.

…. But Noelle wasn’t, and no one else seemed to notice a thing.

So he’d slipped away from his friends, an easy enough feat when the new couple were rather, um, wrapped up in each other’s lips. It’d been simple enough to find the place on his own, and simpler still to enter. The looming gates of the Holiday Manor had lay open, as had the front door. From there Ralsei had just followed the echoing sounds of misery, having ascended the stairs with a hand curled over his heart, aching with every cry and barely muffled sob, until he’d found himself here. Knocking softly on Noelle’s bedroom door, fearful that too loud a sound might upset her more.

Honestly he feared she might not even answer. Not that Ralsei would blame her. If he’d had a bedroom of his own up here then he might have been tempted to do the same. But he couldn’t just leave her like this. All alone in her pain, without at least someone there to acknowledge it, acknowledge her,and just… just what? He hoped to soothe her, to take on the burden of her pains at least a little. How, though, he hadn’t a single clue.

Not that he had long to dwell on that. For within seconds there was silence, sobs coming to a still and flooding the house with a stifling silence. Then shuffling, the sound of hooved feet dragging against carpet. The janky clinks of a door handle in need of oiling, meeting squeaky hinges that begged for the same TLC.

Noelle Holiday answered his knock, pulling open her bedroom door that had stood as the last bastion of separation between them. She stood there with bloodshot eyes, puffy from crying. Still crying, Ralsei noticed, as tears ran down her face, further marring her already matted fur. She looked downright miserable, like the world had just come to an end. Perhaps it had, just a little, for her. A feeling Ralsei understood all too well.

“R-Ralsei?” Noelle croaked out, a quivering hand reaching out, just barely brushing against his cheek. Ralsei would have blushed, perhaps jumped at the sudden contact, had he not felt a dampness sinking deep into his own fur at her touch. Why was- It wasn’t Noelle’s hand. Despite her tears her palm remained dry. Then why…?

…Oh.

Crying. He was crying too, wasn’t he? When had the first tear fallen? Was it just now or had it started long before? When had he been so careless as to let the dam break, to allow himself something so selfish? He was supposed to be better than this, stronger and reliable and no longer a pitiful wreck of a burden. Ralsei swallowed thickly, trying desperately to blink back the tears. Yet for every drop he shook, two more took its place, seeping deep into the fluffy wisps of his fur. Was there really no way to fight this? He couldn’t just- Not when Noelle NEEDED him to be strong for her right now!

Or at least, that’s what he felt she needed.

“I… I’m sorry, Noelle. I was- I meant to- You’re the one who needs-”

Ralsei had never been all that good at comforting others. His words always came out wrong, never sweet and warm like he intended. They just made things worse, or drew worry from his loved ones. Even now he hadn’t been able to find the right words, to utter even a single thing that he thought would help.

But for once he didn’t even have to try.

Noelle’s arms surrounded him, enveloping them both in a shuddering, desperate embrace. One that Ralsei surprised himself with how fiercely he returned it, feeling himself clinging to the sobbing deer girl as though his very life depended on it. Just as she clung to him, face buried within the soft faded red of Ralsei’s scarf as it lay limply over his shoulder.

Nothing was said. Nothing needed to be. Why say what they both understood? The pain they saw mirrored in the other, that seeped forth from their shattered hearts, was better soothed in each other’s arms. Only their cries could be heard, rough, ragged and unrestrained. A wretched sound, damp with its hollering ugliness, that resounded through Noelle’s oh so lonely bedroom.

A bedroom that no longer felt so lonely, with another there to soften the blow.

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That had been the start of it. The moment Noelle knew that she wouldn’t be alone again. No longer a lost girl, crying out to the void. No longer a child, clinging to her sister’s words like gospel. No longer just Noelle Holiday, alone, left lick her wounds, to sift through the shattered remains of her heart and try desperately to make herself whole once more.

Even if the memory had been one of pain, she looked back on it now with a warmth she couldn’t help smile through. How couldn’t she? On that day Noelle had found more than just a life long friend. She’d found someone she could be honest with, could be vulnerable around. Someone who understood her, who didn’t dismiss her anxieties and fears, who saw them as something serious and real, who could even empathize with them.

Not the strong, scary knight she thought she needed, to keep her safe. But a gentle hand in hers, squeezing tight as they faced their fears together. Not a fighter, but someone who’d do anything to make her feel better, who would fight not for her, but by her side. Brave while terrified, just like Noelle herself. Learning day by day, as they healed and grew, to find a confidence they both struggled to maintain.

Maybe that was what she’d always needed. Not a hero, but a partner.

Platonically, she meant! At least, that’s what Noelle had thought at the time. As wonderful as Ralsei had been, he had been, well, a boy. A very pretty boy (oh how those naturally long lashes, so thick and dark, had driven her wild with envy!), but still a guy none the less.

… Until he wasn’t.

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To say he was nervous would be a massive understatement.

Ralsei was nervous when he first met Kris and Susie. Ralsei was nervous when he’d taken off his hat, revealing his true face. Ralsei was nervous when he’d been on the swan boat alone with Kris.

Nervous was an emotion Ralsei was well at home with, that he knew like the back of his hand. But this? This was so much worse than simple nerves. Terror, maybe? The burbling starts of a panic attack? It was like a fear mongering anxiety that knew no end, that gnawed at his guts and threatened to devour him whole. With every tickling second that passed, that he let slip by without uttering a word, he felt it grow, felt it consume just a little more.

How long until there would be nothing left of him? Until there was nothing left but this feeling, escapable only by…

…

Well, that was why he was here. Why… she was here. It felt strange, to finally allow herself this.

Even thinking it felt taboo. To want something like that, to dare to wish for more when he’d already gotten so much. Wasn’t it enough to be here? To be real? To have friends that loved him, to have a warm bed to sleep in every night? The Dreemurrs had taken him in and already treated him as one of their own. Susie and Kris adored him, dragging Ralsei into each and every one of their adventures, never wanting to leave him out.

Noelle too, was always by his side. Had been since the day they’d collapsed sobbing in each other's arms, crying well into the evening until they’d passed out from exhaustion, found later curled up together on her bedroom floor. Luckily it had been Noelle’s father, Ralsei feared what her mother would have done. Rudy had simply smiled down at them, a kind twinkle in his eyes as stepped back and told them breakfast was ready. Fresh made pancakes had pulled the exhausted pair downstairs, hand in hand. If Rudy noticed he hadn’t said a word. He’d just served them up and got everyone seated.

It had been nice, feeling so instantly accepted. Like Noelle had accepted his broken, sobbing self that night before.

Maybe that was why he- why she was here now. It wasn’t that she doubted that Kris and Susie would understand. Ralsei knew her friends well, knew they’d always love her, no matter what. Kris would probably even understand on a deeper level, being their wonderful enby self.

But it was different with Noelle. Their friendship was different. Not better, no! Just… They had a way of understanding one another. Words didn’t matter as much. There was an implicit trust that the other never meant to be cruel or insensitive, that they could always try again, as many times as needed, until they got it right. Or that they didn’t even need to get it right at all. That they were already understood.

… And Noelle was a girl too. A girl in the way Ralsei wanted to be. A role chosen, not given. To even have a fraction of her courage and bravery…

Ralsei was startled from his thoughts by a knock at his bedroom door.

What had once been Kris’ and Asriel’s bedroom was now split evenly in two. At first it had just been a curtain, for privacy, but when one too many make out sessions had ended with Ralsei sneaking downstairs to sleep on the couch, Toriel had decided that enough was enough. She’d sent the three of them over to the Holiday’s for a week over summer vacation, and when they’d returned they’d found two doors where there had once been one, two new windows… and a wall right down the middle. One bedroom split into two.

Honestly, the privacy was nice. As much as Ralsei didn’t like being alone, there was only so much intimacy one could take before one needed to be at least a room away.

With a deep, shaky breath Ralsei pulled himself up off his bed, crossing past the bean bags and beat up, old little tv and game console that Berdly had excitedly gifted him just a month ago. It’d been a sweet gift, really, and Ralsei couldn’t hope to count the hours spent trying to beat all of Berdly and Noelle’s high scores. One day he’d be the master of those little colourful blocks…

Honestly he wished he was doing that now, instead of standing before his door, willing his- her hands to still as he SHE forced the handle to turn. With one swift motion Ralsei pulled the bedroom door open, greeting Noelle with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

She noticed, of course.

“... Are you okay?” Noelle stepped forward, taking Ralsei by the hand as she guided them both into the bedroom. Carefully, she pushed the door shut behind them, taking care to not slam it before leading them both to Ralsei’s bed. She sat down first, smoothing her skirt out as she did, before patting the space beside her.

Ralsei practically fell into her side, head resting upon her shoulder in perfect sync with Noelle’s hand falling upon hi- HER head, fingers combing through her slightly curling fur. It felt nice. Comforting. Safe. Still, she couldn’t bring herself to say it. Not yet.

Not that Noelle seemed to mind. No, she knew Ralsei well enough at this point. A year of friendship sat between them, letting the silence remain easy and calm. A silence Noelle herself broke with an easy smile, delicate fingers pausing mid stroke.

“It’s getting so long, Ralsie,” she said with a hum. “Decided to join the long hair squad?”

“I… I think it looks prettier like this.”

“You look pretty with just about everything~ Gosh, you’re such a pretty boy, it’s just not fair!” Noelle retorted with a laugh. A laugh that was cut short, Ralsei noted, as he silently winced. Why did it hurt so much? She hadn’t meant anything cruel by it, had even been genuine in her compliment. To be called pretty, especially by someone as beautiful as Noelle… if only that last part hadn’t been uttered. If only she hadn’t called him a…

“I said something wrong, didn’t it?”

Now Noelle was frowning, a crease setting deep in her brow as concern flooded her face.

“N- No! You- I was- I mean it-”

Had breathing always been this hard? Every breath felt like a struggle, coming lighter and light with each failed attempt. Tears pricked at his eyes, and for a brief second Ralsei was convinced this was how he was going to die. He, not she, the girl within dying before she even had a chance to well and truly be.

That was until Noelle’s forehead dropped gently against hers, eyes of honeyed amber meeting her panicked gaze.

“Breathe with me, okay?”

Just like that, Ralsei was breathing steadily again. In and out, in and out, the tightness in her throat melting away as she felt Noelle’s breath rise and fall in sync with hers. How many times had they done this, pulling each other from spiraling panic before it could sink its claws in too deep?

How many times would Ralsei long for Noelle to stay close, for their gazes to stay locked, just so she could stare into those pretty eyes of hers? She pushed back that thought, scolding herself for letting her fantasies fly when Noelle was oh so near.

“Better?”

“Yes I’m- I’m feeling better. Thank you, Noelle…”

“You don’t need to thank me, silly!”

Noelle pulled back, all smiles as she playfully booped Ralsei’s snout. She couldn’t help but smile herself, even as she rubbed away her still glistening tears.

“I know… but still. You deserve to hear it.”

“Ralsieeeee, you’re gonna make me blush!”

“Maybe I WANT to make you blush!”

“Gasp! Is that Evil Ralsie I spy??”

“Me? Evil? Never!! (That is sarcasm. I am Evil Ralsie!!)”

“Oh cheese and crackers, I’m DOOMED! Doomed to a life of cheeks as red as my gosh darned nose!”

“Hey! I think your glowing nose is cute…”

“Stooooop!” Noelle whined from behind her hands, feeling her cheeks very much start to heat up. “You always catch me off guard with the sweetest compliments…”

“That’s because you’re very easy to compliment!” Ralsei chirped in response. “... You’re just very easy to talk to in general, Noelle…”

The whole mood in the room shifted. Without missing a beat Noelle straightened herself up, the entirety of her attention now focussed on Ralsei. In any other situation she might have found that a little uncomfortable. Right now though? She felt important, felt valued. Like no matter what she said, Noelle would treat it with the same seriousness that Ralsei was feeling, like she’d handle every word spoken with absolute care.

That was all she needed to give her the strength to just… say it.

“I- I’m not a boy, Noelle.”

“... Oh.”

There was no judgement in the way she said it. No anger or upset. Just a quiet acknowledgement, like something all of a sudden made sense. Had Noelle known? She was really smart, it wouldn’t be surprising if-

“Are you maybe… a- I don’t want to assume or ruin this moment for you! I just- I had a feeling that- That like me you’re a-”

“A girl. Um. Yes.” Ralsei finished, feeling her shoulders drop as months worth of tension, of anxiety and fear and pointless, stupid worries just melted away. “I… I’m a girl. Like you.”

“Oh my gosh!!!”

The hug that Ralsei was pulled into was wonderfully crushing, filled with a jittering joy so infectious that she couldn’t help but laugh. This was more than acceptance, more than just a smile and ‘that’s cool’. This was exuberance, celebration, two girls giggling through beaming smiles as they held each other tight.

To be so fully seen and loved….

“I am so so proud of you!! I know it’s so scary to come out, like cheesus I know I was a shaking mess! Have you told anyone else?-”

Ralsei shook her head.

“I’m the… Me??”

A nod this time.

“Ralsie… O-Oh, um, quick check! She/Her?”

“There are… other options?”

“Always! Do you want to hear…?”

“Um, no thank you. She/Her is fine.”

“Fine, or you?”

“Me. I- She/Her is good. It’s… It feel like me. Really me.”

“Good! And name? Did you pick a new one? Not that you have to! Some people keep the same name, and some like me just changed it a little. There’s no pressure to rush into anything either, you can take as long as you wa-”

“Actually I… I already decided on it. It’s not a big change, but I really like it.”

“I’m all ears!” Noelle poked at said ears, as if to prove a point.

“Ralsie.”

“... Huh?”

“Um. I said Ralsie. Like, your-”

“My nickname for you…?”

“Mhm! I… I’ve always liked when you called me that. It sounds cute… Is that okay?”

“Oh my gosh, that’s more than okay!”

The twinkling tears that shone bright in Noelle’s eyes, alright with a pride all just for her, made Ralsie’s heart skip a single, fluttering beat.

And unknown to Ralsie, in time with hers, Noelle’s own heart skipped, as she stared down at the beautiful, beaming girl who sat in her arms,

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Needless to say, Noelle Holiday was thoroughly screwed.

‘So pretty…’

The thought that had pulled her down memory lane, that left her dazed on the park bench, staring with an enamored little sigh. Dess grinned beside her, offering a playful punch against her sister’s shoulder. One that earned her a surprised cry in turn, along with a frazzled flurry of smacks.

“Okay, okay, I give!” Dess cried out with a snort of a laugh. “Look, I’m sorry, okay? But I’ve got eyes- well, an eye, but that shit don’t matter. I see where you’re staring, you aren’t slick, Elly~”

“I- I don’t know what you mean!”

“Come ooooon,” There was a beat of silence as Dess rolled her eyes, an act that earned her another swat from Noelle’s flailing arms. She wouldn’t give in, wouldn’t let her beloved big sister win, no matter how much she baggered her! Not that Dess seemed to be trying all that hard to get her to admit it.

N-Not that there was anything to admit! It was perfectly normal to find your good friend pretty! To watch with perfect bliss as Ralsie ran around the park, both giggling and squealing as Kris chased her with a water gun, the droplets from which sparkled as they hit her fluffy, softly curling fur. To hear her laughter and wish to bathe forever in its tinkling warmth, in the way Ralsie snorted whenever she laughed just that bit too hard. To want to dash over to defend her, to play the knight in shining armour to her floral sundressed princess.

To be rewarded for her deed with a kiss, as sweet as the strawberry lipgloss that shimmered upon her-

….

Noelle felt her cheeks glow red hot, oh so sure that Dess was going to tease the ever loving heck out of her. Instead she felt a comforting hand upon her shoulder, patting away as its owner chuckled in sympathy.

“You don’t gotta say shit. I know smitten when I see it, and you Elles, are DOWN BAD.”

“I’m so doomed…”

“Nah. You got this!”

“Got what?”

Dess simply beamed in response. A wide, almost wild smile that would have scared anyone who didn’t know her. Mostly due to the darkness that cracked past her lips, that left half her face a gaping, horrifying void, only lit up with a pin prink of unnerving light where her left eye once was.

It didn’t scare Noelle though. No, it was the implication BEHIND the smile that left her wary.

“Dess, what are you-”

“HEY RALS! TAG ME IN!”

Without warning Dess was up and running, high-fiving a surprised yet grateful Ralsie as they switched places. Noelle could only watch with wide eyes as Dess threw her a quick thumbs up, mouthing what she thought might be ‘you got this’, before grabbing a water gun of her own and taking chase after a swiftly fleeing Kris, who knew all too well how good a shot the oldest Holiday daughter was.

Which left Noelle alone with Ralsie and her racing, ever frantic thoughts.

Chapter Text

‘Okay. You can do this Noelle! She’s your friend, just be chill and normal!’

Chill and normal. Just be cool, calm and… and…

Ralsie’s fur was glistening up close, more than a little damp from Kris’ ceaseless onslaught. She really shouldn’t have been surprised, Kris had never been one to go easy on others when it came to water gun fights. Even the threat of Dess’ bat hadn’t been enough to keep the youngest Dreemurr at bay. How many times had she run crying to her when she was little, big fat tears streaming down her face as she hid behind her sister, only to burst out into pearls of damp giggles as Dess yanked the tiny gremlin up and sprayed them aggressively with the hose?

That was back then though, and this was now. These days it was Noelle with the hose, and she made sure Kris was left well and truly soaked before dashing off to hide.

Not that she had access to a hose right now, or she might have jumped into the fight herself. J-Just to make sure Ralsie wasn’t the only one getting splashed! Yeah! That was it!

She definitely wasn’t imagining herself dashing to Ralsie’s defense, one arm wrapped protectively around the shorter girl’s waist as she pulled her in close. Nor was she thinking about Ralsie’s cheeks going that gorgeous shade of deep pink they always went whenever she got embarrassed, staring up at Noelle like some kind of valiant, beautiful knight… watching in awe as Noelle took the hit for her before knocking Kris back with a decisive spray of the hose, guaranteeing victory.

And there was NO WAY IN HELL she was picturing Ralsie smiling shyly up at her, voice as sweet as honey as she breathlessly whispered ‘my hero~’, with her fingertips mere inches from Noelle’s lips, brushing past them with a feather light touch, as Ralsie tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear. With the air between them thick with tension, what else was there to do but break it, to let their lips finally meet in a glorious fireworks show of a kis-

“Noelle?”

“I’M OKAY AND TOTALLY NORMAL!! FAHAHA, SO NORMAL HERE!! WOW, ISN’T IT HOT TODAY? I CAN FEEL MY FACE BURNING!!”

… Nailed it.

UGHHHHH!! Why had she said that? Why had she thought that?! What happened to calm and cool? To chill and casual? Why couldn’t she, for once in her life, be gosh darned NORMA-

“It’s definitely burning. Your face is pretty red…” Ralsie stated, concern creeping into her gaze as she lay a hand against Noelle’s forehead. Which only made her blush even harder, sure that at any moment she’d be busted for all her weird, cringey thoughts and rejected and doomed to be forever alone as Ralsie never wanted to be friends with her ever agai-

“Your breathing is shallow too…” Ralsie continued, dipping down just that bit closer. “Noelle, you should have said something sooner! What if you get heat stroke? Or already have it? I should have thought of the weather before agreeing to- Or at least insisted that you wear a hat! … Oh! I know! Um, here!”

Noelle watched, dazed as her crush reached up, plucking the sunflower adorned sunhat from atop her pretty little head, before carefully placing it upon hers. The scent of strawberries hit her nose, still clinging to the woven straw from Ralsie’s favorite shampoo. Not that she…

Okay. There was no point denying that one. Plus, she’d even helped her pick it out, way back when their friendship was still blossoming anew. When their hands clasped tight felt simple, given no more thought than the ease of breath, her fur so soft against hers in innocent bliss. Angel above how she longed for that again, to feel Ralsie’s fingers threaded through hers, hands locked together for hours on end.

‘So pathetic…’ Noelle whined internally, wishing for nothing more than for the earth to split open beneath her and swallow her whole. Was she really falling into such a fluster over something as mundane as holding her hand? Something they'd done a thousand times before, that even kids did without thought? Even if the answer was obvious, it didn't change how silly this all felt.

Speaking of silly…

“That's not enough, is it?”

Noelle felt a gentle sigh ghosting her cheek, jolting her violently from her thoughts. Mere inches from her face, so close her breath tickled her fur, was Ralsie, gazing down at her. Those gorgeous pools of floral pink, like sakura reflections twinkling through a spring shower, were fully focused on her and her alone. Like nothing in the whole wide world mattered but Noelle and her-

“S-Sorry! I’m- Wow this isn’t like me, is it? To get so- I must look like a total doofus, huh? Fahaha!”

Doofus felt like an understatement. At least a doofus was kinda cute, in a bumbling sort of way. A complete and total moron was what she felt like; a stupid, barely functional dope who couldn’t stay out of her own head for more than two seconds! If it weren’t for the harsh summer sun casting its rays down upon them, Noelle was sure she would’ve been caught for the lovesick fool she was.

But Ralsie, bless her heart, seemed totally clueless, even as she leaned in closer still, sending Noelle’s heart shooting up into her throat. What was- Why were her-

‘Ohmygoshareherhandsonywaist? What- WhatWhatWha-’

All of a sudden Noelle was on her hooves, pulled by a strength she hadn’t quite known Ralsie to possess. When had she- Had she always been this strong? Even back in the dark world the girl had always seemed so… small and fragile. Like a strong breeze could knock her over. Yet here she was, moving Noelle with ease as though she weighed no more than a cute little mouse.

The thoughts this new found knowledge fueled…

“You could never look foolish to me, Noelle… But I’ve made up my mind. No more sun for you today, missy!” Ralsie playfully ordered, making sure her arm around Noelle’s waist was nice and secure, before tugging her friend’s arm over her own shoulders. “Please lean on me, okay? I promise, I’m stronger than I look!”

“I- I believe you!” Noelle squeaked on out, feeling her legs wobble and quake beneath her as she leant into Ralsie’s side. “I didn’t know you were so, you know, strong? Not that I’m saying I thought you were weak before!! Gosh no! Just that I didn’t expect it! I-In a good way!”

“It’s okay, Noelle. You don’t have to try and spare my feelings. You’re right, I was weak. A ‘total toothpick girl’, as Lancer once said, if I’m remembering it right. And I know strength isn’t everything, that I had nothing to be ashamed of. Even so, I just- I didn’t like it. Feeling so defenseless, especially up here, without my magic… I felt so small.” Ralsie paused, head shaking just ever so slightly as she smiled. ”I know we don’t have anything as threatening as the titans to face anymore. But still, I wanted to get stronger! To protect my friends and… for myself, too. So I’ve been working hard, with Susie’s help! She’s been so kind, helping me build my strength, little by little, day by day…”

Noelle felt Ralsie’s grip tighten around her waist and she damn near died on the spot, feeling her heart rate soar to ungodly speeds. Only for said heart to freeze for just a second as she felt herself being lifted, hooves dangling mere inches above the grass. Oh the squeal of surprise she gave in turn, practically dizzy with giddy delight as felt their sides pressed together so impossibly close…

“I can’t help but be more than a little, well, proud! And I… I think that’s okay. To be proud of myself.”

If this had been any other moment, Noelle would have enthusiastically agreed, would have pumped her friend up to the high heavens. Unfortunately for her, the part of her brain responsible for higher thought was currently bogged down in a sea of inscrutably gay fluster.

“It’s nice, to feel strong like this. To know that if you need me, if you’re tired or hurt, that I can help all on my own.”

Was that what she was supposed to be taking from all this? Because that was far from where her brain had landed. Like, it wasn’t even close. Maybe she’d gotten the same gist of it all, but the situations in her mind were a lot less fraught with danger and sleepiness, and a lot more, um, charged, to put it lightly.

“Like right now, for example. Your legs are shaking… Would you like me to carry you?”

All Noelle could do was nod, not trusting her lips to keep all her burbling fantasies at bay. Fantasies that felt more real than ever as Ralsie stopped mid step, casting a smile so wonderfully warm her way that Noelle genuinely felt herself start to swoon. And perhaps she would have, dropping to the ground like the world’s least graceful sack of potatoes, had she not felt Ralsie’s touch once more, steady and firm.

“Kris taught me this one! I think they called it a Princess Carry?”

Princess Ca-

Before Noelle’s mind could process the full implications of just what that meant, along with the absolute bizarre romance manga that was apparently her life right now, Ralsie was moving. One arm slipped behind and under her knees, while the other rested at the small of her back.

“I think I remember being told you should wrap your arms around my neck… f-for safety.”

She didn’t need to be told twice. Without even thinking, Noelle slid her arms around Ralsie’s neck, letting her fingers curl into the fluffy tufts of fur between the nape of her neck and sundress strap. Perhaps it was her mind playing tricks, her wants and desires bleeding their way into reality, but Noelle could have sworn she felt Ralsie’s heart racing against her shoulder as the goat-like monster ever so carefully lifted her up into her arms.

Was she dreaming? That had to be it, right? Because reality just- There was no way that this was her life, that everything could be going this perfectly despite her bumbling ways. Obviously she’d dozed off on the bench and would be waking any minute now, with Dess rolling her eyes and teasing the ever loving crud out of her for drooling on her arm. Then she’d laugh and Noelle would huff and… this dream, like all others before it, would just fade away.

All it would take to wake would be a simple pinch. … But if this was a dream then why not let herself sleep a while longer?

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ralsie could hardly believe herself right now. How was this her reality? Everything seemed to be moving so fast, and there was no one to blame but herself. Looking back, she could see the trail of events that led them both here, could see the series of questions and choices that brought her to this current path. What was it they said? Something about hindsight being 20/20?

The present always seemed abundantly clear with the context of the past. Unfortunately, one had to actually experience that past to get there. N-Not that she was regretting her choices! No! Noelle was clearly in need of help, and Ralsie was more than happy to be the one to provide said help! It was just that… well…

… She may have neglected to think about the exact implications of her actions.

‘I can’t believe I… I actually… S-She’s actually in my arms!’

In a princess carry, no less! What on earth had possessed her to do such a thing? To be holding Noelle in such a romantic way, as though they were… were… lovers, just what had she been thinking? Had she even been thinking at all? Concern had dominated Ralsie’s each and every thought, drowning out all else as she’d scrambled to save Noelle from the sun’s harsh rays. It had all seemed logical at the time. Offering her hat for shade, helping her walk, and then when all else had failed, opting to carry her instead.

Had this been someone like, say, Berdly or Kris, Ralsie was sure that everything would have been fine. Maybe Berdly would have squawked in protest, his pride demanding that he could walk on his own, before giving in a moment later as his legs gave out. Kris wouldn’t have minded, though they certainly wouldn’t have allowed the moment to pass without a decent helping of dramatic flair.

But this was different. Berdly was just a friend. And Kris was one of their most favorite and beloved people, just like Susie!

Noelle though… Noelle was special. Ralsie had always thought she was rather pretty. Of course, back then, in the midst of the dark worlds, such a thought had been nothing more than plain fact. Susie was incredible. Kris was cool. Noelle was pretty. And while her thoughts on the former two had grown more complex, it wasn’t until after their adventures had come to an end that Ralsie had started to think a little more deeply on the pretty blonde deer who now consumed her every waking thought.

Pretty and nice was where she’d started. Perfectly bland, surface level thoughts. Like how one might briefly admire a piece of art. Shallow ideas for a shallow relationship. But they hadn't remained that way. As their friendship blossomed, Ralsie’s view on her started to change.

Nice became kind, a girl with a wounded heart, who knew loss like the back of her hand. Yet that didn't stop her from caring, from learning to love again. She was generous with her time, patient even in her frustrations. Her heart ached for the lonely, and nothing quite tugged at Noelle’s heartstrings like a video of a sad puppy.

Pretty turned to beautiful, the kind that shone deep within one's soul, that age nor scars could touch. Ralsie saw it in her smile, wide and buck toothed. Saw it in her laugh, melodic in the way Noelle always snorted midway whenever she laughed too hard. There was beauty in the way her brow creased whenever she was focused, in the ways her eyes crinkled at the edges as she spoke enthusiastically about something she was passionate about.

Yet that didn't mean she was without her flaws. Noelle still struggled to say no. Large crowds overwhelmed her. When at her tether’s end she was liable to snap, and Ralsie knew few things scarier than an angry Noelle. She could be stubborn about the silliest of things and her taste in music contained a lot of… less than savory lyrics. (Really, did they need all that cussing?)

She knew that Noelle liked rainy days the best, where she’d sit out on her balcony listening to the pitter patters as she read or gamed. She knew that Noelle hated green bean casserole with every fiber of her being, and that she'd rather eat a whole ball of ham than even take nibble. She knew that Noelle was still just a little bit afraid of the dark, and that she always slept better when she had something to hold.

Noelle was more than just a pretty picture to behold. No, now she was a person. A beautiful, wonderful, fully realized person, flaws and all. A passionate dork of a girl who deserved the world, who Ralsie wished oh so deeply to hold, to melt into her warm embrace and never let go.

… She’d always been one to fall hard and fast, and Noelle was no exception. Just how long had it been?

Ralsie wished she could play the fool, ignorant to the passage of time. But she knew. The moment of realization was burned into the very core of her heart, said memory as clear as day. An ordinary day, amidst a sea of others just like it. They’d been out in the forest, lying by the lake. What they’d been talking about had faded, perhaps something about school or video games or the latest horror movie Noelle had just seen, but the emotions remained crystal clear.

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A gust of wind swept over them, bringing with it a crisp sprinkling of leaves, which rained upon Ralsie and Ralsie alone. She squeaked in surprise, hands frantically combing through her fur. Noelle, seemingly favored by Mother Nature, burst out into laughter.

“How did you even manage that?!”

Ralsie gave a huff in response, lips jutting out in pout as Noelle continued to laugh, the sound only growing louder as she rolled closer.

“Oh my gosh, are you pouting?” Noelle playfully accused, as Ralsie tried her very best to stop, to still her pouting lips. She knew it was childish, that it was a terribly immature way to respond. Yet she couldn’t quite help herself, pouting just that little bit harder as Noelle’s giggles filled the space between them.

"You don’t have to laugh so much…”

“I’m sorry!”

Was she? Ralsie was sure she meant nothing cruel by it. Honestly, had their situations been reversed, she might have been the one giggling away without a care in the world.

“It’s just-” Noelle started, finding herself cut off almost instantly.

“That I look ridiculous?”

She certainly felt ridiculous. There were just so many of them, leaves of red, orange and yellow gold, caught in the growing, curling tresses of her fur.

Ralsiiiiie, don’t put words into my mouth! I promise, I wasn’t going to say that.”

All Noelle got in response was one last huff, as Ralsie rolled onto her back, arms crossed in mock upset. A huff that went ignored, as Noelle reached over to pluck a single leaf from Ralsie’s hair, before laying a hand upon Ralsie’s cheek, gently coaxing her to look her way.

“... I was going to say you look cute, silly.~”

Time came to a standstill. Her breath hitched, caught between a gasp and squeak. Noelle’s touch, palm still resting upon her cheek, sent shivers down her spine. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach, her face burned, and her heart stilled for a single, all encompassing beat.

And then life went on.

With one last laugh Noelle pulled away, the absence of her touch leaving Ralsie dazed in the aftermath. She watched as her friend sat up, pushing herself to her feet before leaning over, all smiles as she offered the blushing goat a helping hand.

“Need a little help?”

Angel above, did she ever… Not that even the angel itself could help her. Nothing could help her now, as Ralsie let their hands meet, feeling Noelle’s palm so warm in hers. All she could hope for now was for this feeling to fade, for this to be nothing more than a fleeting crush that left as swiftly as it came.

Before it broke her heart once more.

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To rely on hope was a foolish thing. Her love for her had only grown, to shift and change, romance blossoming in every stolen glance and wistful sigh. Days, then weeks, even months had passed, until Ralsie could deny it no longer.

She was absolutely, irrevocably, in love with Noelle Holiday.

And now she was carrying her through the park, in her arms, like a scene straight out of her favorite romance manga! She should have been thrilled, to be given such a chance, to get to hold Noelle in her arms. To feel her breath against her fur, soft and light, to have her flushed face so close to her own.

If this was anything like the manga, then this would be the moment just before…

Ralsie swallowed thickly as she approached the shade of a nearby weeping willow, using her shoulder to push back its hanging branches. Golden blossoms brushed against them both as they entered its shadows, welcoming the girls with its cooling embrace.

“Is this better?” Ralsie asked, unable to take another second of quiet between them. The silence only encouraged her traitorous mind, fanning the flames of hope for something more, despite her better judgment. Noelle could never- Why would someone like her want someone as disappointing as- There were just so many better options!

Better… people. People who were prettier, smarter and stronger. Who were far more confident and brave. Girls like Susie. Like Catti. Like…

Like anyone but herself. Anyone but Ralsie.

“Hmm~?” Noelle hummed, blinking up at Ralsie in a slow, almost sleepy fashion.

“Oh, was I too quiet?” Ralsie asked, suddenly wondering if she may have been mumbling. A habit she wished desperately to kick, even if Noelle never seemed to mind it. “I asked, is this better?”

“This?”

“The… The shade, Noelle. You’ve been overheated since I rejoined you and… you still seem a little out of it. Should I get you something to drink? Susie should be back with the drinks by now. Let me just-”

Fingertips tapped daintily against her lips, tracing a path with such casual ease that Ralsie damn near dropped her in shock. Instead her knees gave way, weak at such a sudden and intimate touch, dropping them both to the cool grass below… and Noelle into Ralsie’s lap.

A place she seemed quite happy to remain, as the antlered girl hummed, wriggling just a bit to make herself comfortable. A feat that left Ralsie’s cheeks positively a flame, burning with a heat she hadn't thought to be possible. Had she started daydreaming? N-No, daydreams didn't feel quite this real, she knew that well by now. The Noelle of her daydreams never felt this warm, her breath an implication unlike reality, where it tickled her fur like a spring day’s breeze.

… Which meant this was happening. This being... what, exactly?

“I don't want this to end yet…” Noelle whispered, her gaze a wistful haze as she traced her way to Ralsie’s glowing cheek. “So maybe, just this once, you’ll let me be brave. You’ll let me, won't you?”

What was she- let her do what? Not that she was questioning! Okay, maybe she was questioning a little, but only because she was confused. Was this the heat stroke talking? Did it make people confused? Or disorientated? Should she be running Noelle to the town’s hospital? All these thoughts raced through Ralsie’s head, along with a million more, all vying for her attention.

Not that they stood a chance against Noelle herself.

“I- I’ll… let you do what?” Was all Ralsie could muster in turn, her thoughts a wash in a tidal wave of giddy anticipation as she felt Noelle breath mingle with hers. Just when had her face gotten so close? Mere inches separated them, a fact Ralsie was all too aware of as she felt the very tips of their noses brush between breaths.

Was… Was this really happening? The last thing she wished was for her hopes to be dashed, to dare to dream that her wants, her desires, could ever become reality, only for it all to cruelly come crashing down.

And yet Ralsie couldn't quite bring herself to pull away, to break what might be the moment she’d been dreaming of for oh so long.

“This~”

Noelle smiled, a quirk of the lips so perfectly innocent that Ralsie almost thought she’d been getting carried away by all this. Of course this was just banter! A silly, casual moment of jest, she’s certain, haha! Sure to end with the usual boop to the snoo-

Peppermint met cotton candy, sweetened balms melding into one as the lips they coated met. For the briefest of seconds Ralsie froze, frantic nerves crashing against pure, unyielding bliss. Said bliss claimed victory, of course, consuming all that laid in its path, including the rushing, swirling hurricane within Ralsie’s mind, clearing out every last thought until all that remained was a glorious, peaceful silence.

A silence that let Ralsie relax, feeling herself melt into the moment as finally, without a hint of hesitation, she kissed Noelle back with everything she had.

A kiss that ended far too soon for her liking, as a VERY red face Noelle pulled away, her eyes wide with… surprise? Shock? It was hard to think, to even try to read her pretty face, when all Ralsie wanted to do was kiss her again.

“W-Wait. That- That was-” Noelle spluttered, throwing herself backwards with such force that it sent her flying back, tumbling from Ralsie's arms and lap with a stunning lack of grace. “OHMYGOSHI-I’MSOSOSORRY!!! I WASN’T- I DIDN’T- I-”

All too fast Ralsie watched as she jumped to her hooves, quivering hands grasping at the denim edges of her adorkable fusion of overalls and a dress.

“I-I… I have to go! I’m sorry!!”

Before she could hope to utter a word of protest, to even think of stopping her, Noelle Holiday was gone, dashing through the gold hued blossoms of the willow’s shaded embrace… and leaving in her wake the tear-stained remains of Ralsie’s shattered heart.

Chapter Text

‘Stupid, stupid, STUPID!’

Why? Why had she- Just what on FREAKING earth had she been thinking?! A dream? Really? What kind of- She knew better than to think that! Dreams didn't feel like that, had never felt so viscerally real that she could still…

… Oh sweet Angel above, was she fucked.

Fahaha… This was it, wasn't it? There was no coming back from such a thing, no way to take back the pain she’d caused. Noelle’s lips still tingled, the ghost of her first kiss with Ralsie still lingering in its wake.

A kiss that had seemed so very sweet in the moment, traces of cotton candy still haunting her every breath, now twisted at her guts. It churned painfully, barbed knots tearing at her insides, just begging for her fall, to purge herself of this nightmare. Her vision blurred as tears stung at the very corners of her eyes, turning the grass beneath her into a greenish smear.

It was only then she realised she'd never stopped running, as Noelle felt her hoof catch on something hard and sharp, sending her tumbling to the ground below. What it was didn't matter, nor did she care to find out. What did it matter when she'd ruined everything? She deserved this, to just lie here in pain and shrivel up and die, her dust better served as fertilizer than anything meaningful in life.

“... Yeesh, Elly, you really biffed it.”

Hah. Of course the universe wouldn't let her be. To be allowed to wallow alone in her guilt wasn't enough, clearly she needed to be punished more! … Maybe a wiffle bat to the face would help. One hurt for another, an eye for an eye. Wasn't it only fair that she hurt too?

“You hit your head or somethi- Shit. Are you cryin’?”

Dess popped a squat beside her, and even through the haze of her tears Noelle knew that her sister was brimming with concern. Always worrying about her, looking out for her, trying to keep her safe. Like Noelle was the one who needed protecting, like the demon hadn't been lurking right beneath Dess’ nose all this time.

“I-I deserve it…”

“Yeeeeah, no. Love ya, but that's stupid. Come on, let's get your scrawny ass up.”

There was no room for complaints, as Dess straight up ignored each and every whine and pathetic little smack Noelle threw her way. She simply yanked Noelle to her feet and dragged her back to the bench, pushing her onto its wooden surface before dropping down beside her.

“... So, you wanna tell me what's up? Do I gotta kick a goat’s ass? ‘Cause I’ll do it, don't tempt me! I’ll thrash her ass ‘til-”

“Don't you DARE lay a finger on her!” Noelle snarled, surprising even herself with the sheer ferocity of it all. Surprised Dess too, if the baffled look she got in turn was anything to go by.

“Yeesh, okay! I get it! Guessin’ she didn't break your heart then?”

Just like that all that fierce energy faded, the flames doused as they left a truly pitiful Noelle in its wake.

“N-No…” she replied, voice wavering as a fresh wave of tears flowed forth.

“Then why the tears?”

Noelle flinched as she felt a hand upon her shoulder, almost expecting a smack to the back of her head for wasting Dess’ time. Instead she felt a gentle squeeze, before the full weight of Dess’ arm came to rest over her shoulders, pulling her in for a rough half hug.

Why? Why was she being so nice to her? She didn't deserve such kindness, to fall apart in her sister's arms, seeking every last drop of comfort. Not after what she'd done.

“I… I kissed her, Dess.”

“That's- Elly, that's kinda what you were supposed to- I’m lost here. Why's that got you bawlin’ your eyes out?”

How could she not understand? Dess, the person who always understood her on such a fundamental level, who knew Noelle better than she knew herself. At least, that had been true when she was just a kid. Did Dess still know her like that? She’d been 10 when Dess had vanished, and in those 6 years apart Noelle had grown, had… changed. Was that why it wasn’t clear as day? That she’d committed such an awful deed? Could Dess not see that she’d been so terribly selfish as to overstep her bounds, to let herself get caught in fantasies and dreams instead of using her freaking mind and just… and just…

… Be normal. Maybe little Noelle could be normal. But 17 year old Noelle couldn’t. She wasn’t. Maybe all Dess could see was the shadow of that angelic child, blind to the demon beside her.

“... I thought I was dreaming,” Noelle admitted, in a whisper so small Dess had to strain her ears to hear her. “Stupid, I know…”

“I mean, it ain’t exactly smart but I’m still not seeing the issue here.”

“That’s- How can you not?! Don’t you get it, Dess? I- I’ve ruined EVERYTHING! Real life isn’t like some stupid cheesy romance film!! I kissed my best friend, I stole her first kiss and now nothing is ever going to be the same!!”

Was she yelling? Maybe. Noelle couldn’t find it in herself to care, to even try and calm her the raging hurricane that whipped and yanked at her insides.

“She… She’s so kind. I didn’t even ask her, I just did it, and- She’s going to hate me forever… I-I’m going to hate me forever. I hurt her, Dess! I took advantage of her trust in me and was selfish and cruel and… and… a-and now I’ve lost her foreve-”

“Woah! Hold the fuck up, Gingersnap! Take a sec to breathe, ‘kay?”

Breathe? She didn’t need to breathe, she didn’t deserve to-

… When had Dess moved? Her sister crouched before her, smile tight with worry as she took Noelle’s hands within her own. Faded tawny brown fur met its void-stained reflection, the darkness that forever scarred Dess felt almost chilling. Yet she didn’t let go, never one to shy from the cold. Where others flinched, Noelle stood firm, letting the cooling sensation ground her.

How could anyone be afraid of her, of the darkness that clung to Dess like a second skin? Noelle knew the shame her sister carried, the guilt of her transgressions, its weight a heavy burden despite the town’s forgiveness. But what Dess saw as ugly scars, Noelle saw as a badge of honor, as proof of a determination to live. Not something to fear or gawk at, but to admire!

… Maybe they were a little more alike than she’d ever thought.

Noelle felt her breath slow, a steady rhythm of ins and outs as Dess emphasized her own breathing, leading the way in what felt like an effort to keep them in sync.

“There ya go, Elly. Better?”

“Yes… no? I… I don’t-”

A gentle squeeze, Dess’ hands secure and safe around hers; an anchor in a sea of self loathing.

“No more of this self hatin’ bullshit. You don’t let ME talk crap about myself, so I’m sure as hell not letting you get away with it!”

“But I-”

“No buts! Walk me through what happened. You thought you were dreaming. You kissed her. Did Rals freak out on you or something? Push you away? Say she hated you?”

At that Noelle gave pause.

What HAD Ralsie’s response been? To be honest it was all kind of a blur, memories lost to panic the moment she’d realised this wasn’t a dream. She’d kissed her, that much Noelle was sure of. That, and that she’d been in Ralsie’s lap, caught in the wondrous light of her embrace. And then… had she been pushed? No, that didn’t seem right. Had she herself been the one to push Ralsie away? To pull away from it all and just…

“... O-Oh Angel above, I just- I just ran.”

“You ran… like, right away. As in, you kissed her, freaked out and just fucked right off?”

Noelle gave a shaky nod in response, more than a tad woozy as realization dawned upon her. Had she gotten it all wrong? Was there- no, there couldn’t be a chance, could there? Even if Ralsie didn’t hate her, there was still no way her feelings would ever be returned, or that their friendship would ever be the same.

“Elly, you know I love ya, and nothing’s ever gonna change that. But what, and I mean it when I say this, in the ever-loving FUCK were you thinking?”

“I-I wasn’t! I was- I panicked a-and-”

“And didn’t even wait for a reply. Jeez…” Dess gave a heavy sigh, her grip on Noelle’s hands weakening. “Okay. Okay… We can fix this!”

“Fix…? There’s nothing to fix! I- I ruine-”

“Nope. Not listening. It ain’t over ‘till it’s over. Where’d you leave her?”

“The… The weeping willow-”

“Got it.”

Dess didn’t even wait for a reply. Within seconds Noelle was on her hooves again, being pulled back towards the gently swaying branches from which she’d ran from just moments ago.

“W-Wait! I can’t-”

“You can and you will. Look, do you wanna be miserable forever, wondering ‘what if’? ‘Cause let me tell you, it sucks some serious ass. Been there. Booked a one way ticket to hell and stewed in my own guts for years. Trust me when I say it’s one of my biggest regrets. I… I don’t want that for you, Elly. You gotta take chances. Shoot your shot, be stupid, be reckless, be brave!”

Was she crying again? It sure felt like it. But before these tears could fall Dess had come to a stop, turning on a heel to brush Noelle’s to the wind.

“And if it all goes to shit… then I’ll be here for you.”

Dess grinned, a jagged, gaping void of a smile. Not to Noelle though. For her it shined brighter than any star, pulling a smile from the depths of her heart that she hadn’t quite thought was still there.

“There we go!” Dess chuckled, reaching under Ralsie’s sunhat to ruffle her hair. “Now you’re ready to face her! You’ve got this, ‘kay? Go show her that dork ass charm!”

“Deeeeess!!!”

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why…?

Everything had been perfect, like a fairytale brought to life right before her eyes. Eyes that were now brimming with tears, clouded glasses rendering her near blind as she buried her face in her knees, trying hopelessly to stifle her sobs.

Ralsie tried to make sense of it, to find where it had all gone wrong. Hadn’t she done everything right? She’d been patient, had asked at every turn, had made sure that Noelle was comfortable and safe, had even waited on her friend to make each and every move.

Was that why she was so blatantly rejected? Because she’d hesitated? Been too afraid to initiate anything, terrified to lose her very best friend for the chance at something too good to be true? Or was it the kiss itself? Had Ralsie somehow been so awful at kissing that Noelle was instantly repelled, so disgusted she had to flee then and there?

She whimpered at the thought, curling tighter into herself.

This was her punishment for daring to hope, to dream. The world had already given her so many wonderful things, had let her become a person she’d never dared to think she could be. Yet still Ralsie craved more, and in that selfish greed she’d lost sight of her better judgement. Too much, the world had growled, jaws clamping shut around her as its endlessly sharp teeth sunk deep into her flesh.

Hah… Shouldn’t she have learned by now? She knew better than to let her desires run free. But something about Noelle had blinded her to this face, had made her believe that maybe, just maybe, it was okay to selfishly want.

… And now Noelle was gone. Ralsie barely choked back a howling sob, fangs slicing painfully into her trembling lip in a brutal act of self-silence. A familiar sting flooded her senses, letting her teeth sink further into the fresh wound. The taste of copper lingered on her tongue as a sliver of red seeped into the fur beneath.

“You can’t hide forever, Dreemurr!” yelled a voice from outside the willow’s embrace, its rough and gravelly tone so distinct that in an instant Ralsie knew it belonged to Susie.

“Don’t gotta hide when your aim’s ass,” snarked another voice, from the opposite side of the tree, its more deadpan yet mischievous edge a clear giveaway to its owner, Kris.

“I’ll show YOU who’s ass when I-”

Susie stopped mid sentence as she stepped through the blossoming tendrils, all thoughts of playful revenge squashed as she caught sight of Ralsie’s sobbing form.

“When you what?” Kris shot back with a snicker, one that died on their lips as they slunk into the willow’s ample shade. “... Shit.”

The silence that followed sat heavy on the sobbing goat, an aching reminder of what she’d just lost. Were they going to leave her too? Was she so broken, so intrinsically unlovable that even her friends refused to stay by her side?

… To even want to be her friends? Was… Was she going to be all alone again, doomed forever to rot away in the dark, as nothing more than fate’s punching bag? She couldn’t take that, couldn’t stand the thought of returning to her life before, in that cold, empty castle, without another soul to speak to, devoid of even a sense of self.

Ralsie’s jaw clenched, fangs piercing deeper still as she latched onto the pain, drowning herself in its crimson laced comfort.

“Wait- Are you… Fuck!” Susie cursed, and for just a fraction of a second, Ralsie’s deepest instincts feared she might be struck. Yet all she felt was a tender touch, Susie doing her very best to be gentle as she cupped her sobbing friend’s cheek, her thumb flicking across the weeping wound.

“You gotta stop… Don’t hurt yourself, Rals.”

Any other time Ralsie would have listened, would have stopped in an instant, if only to soothe her friend’s obvious worry. But what was the point in listening, in stopping, if they were only going to leave her again? Kris must have surely left by now, bored of her constant weeping and-

Something was pressed to her lip. Something soft, dusted with the faint scent of apples, mirroring the cheerful embroidery that brightened its thread. A handkerchief, Ralsie vaguely thought, half remembering Toriel humming to herself as she worked, pouring love into each and every stitch. A gift for Kris, without occasion or expectation. Just a little something to brighten their day, she’d insisted at the time.

Days worth of loving, beautiful handiwork, all ruined in an instant because she was foolish enough to dream. Even its thread held a worth greater than herself, than the crude crimson she carelessly bled. She wasn’t worthy of this cloth, of such kindness given so freely. So why were they still here? Why not just leave her to bleed and bleed, until her fur was forever stained an ugly, putrid red.

Wasn’t this what she deserved? What they surely agreed she’d had coming after all this time?

“... Think she’s spiraling,” Kris muttered. “You mind…?”

“Nah, it’s cool.” Susie replied with an empty chuckle.

Movement. Someone was behind her now, Kris it seemed. Their arms slid around her, calloused fingers encircling her wrists, attempting to tug her arms from her knees. Ralsie barely bothered to fight it, letting Kris have their way, arms going limp and falling to her sides. Susie then gently tilts Ralsie’s head, slipping her glasses off her face before throwing her an apologetic half-smile.

“Sorry if this hurts,” she whispered, her voice rough with poorly hidden distress. That was all the warning Susie gave before gripping Ralsie’s head and jaw tight before forcibly prying her maw wide open, yanking her fangs from her wounded lip in the process. Kris swiftly worked at applying pressure to the pierced flesh, curses uttered under their breath as it continued to bleed.

All while Ralsie just sat there, blearily blinking through her tears. Just what was it that they saw in her that was worth all this trouble, all this… care?

‘I don’t… I don’t understand…’

“How bad?” Kris asked, pulling the now stained cloth from Ralsie’s face.

“Eeeh…?” Susie shrugged, squinting down at the wound in closer inspection. “Kinda looks worse than it is, actually. Gonna hurt like a bitch for a bit but I think she’ll be fine in like… a day?”

“You sure?”

“Yeah. Trust me, I’ve done stuff like this before. It’s kinda like a black eye. That shit always looks real gnarly but it mostly just… hurts. You know?”

Kris left out a sigh of relief, pressing the handkerchief to Ralsie’s lip one last time as they did.

“Hold it ‘til the bleeding stops,” they instructed, guiding her hand in place.

It was only then that Susie dropped her grip, a silent plea in her gaze begging Ralsie not to harm herself again. A gaze that only made the poor goat cry even more, trembling as she tried desperately not to sob.

‘Why are you…’

“... being so nice to me?” Ralsie spoke, her voice a broken ghost of a whisper.

Near instantly she felt arms around her, wrapped tight within the twin embraces of her oldest friends. She couldn’t even try to keep the sobs at bay now, powerless as she fell to pieces against them.

“... Who do I gotta punch for this?” Susie growled, once Ralsie’s sobs had quietened to the most heart wrenchingly pitiful whimpers she’d ever heard.

“I don’t… P-Please don’t hurt her, Susie…”

“Her?”

“... I-I...”

“Who? Who the FUCK did thi-”

“It was Noelle, wasn’t it?” Kris cut in, blunt in their confidence. Of course they were right, and Ralsie’s pained wince only confirmed as such. “Thought so.”

“H-How did you-?”

“Who else would it be?”

O-Oh. Right. Of course it was obvious. Kris had seen her tag in Dess, had watched as Ralsie excitedly made her way to Noelle’s side. That had been, what, 30 minutes ago? An hour? Time often ceased to exist when Noelle was around, seconds melting into nothing as her radiant smile blessed every moment spent in her company.

Would she ever see that smile again?

“... What happened, Rals?” Susie grimaced as she asked, brows knitted tight in a strange mix of confusion and concern.

She wished she knew. Still, Ralsie did her best to explain, to make sense of what had happened.

“I… I don’t know. She- Noelle was overheating and I was worried so I- I tried to help cool her down, I gave her my hat, it didn’t seem to help much so… s-so I helped her up, so we could go find some shade.”

“Okay… Normal stuff,” Susie commented, mostly to herself. Kris in turn nodded, gaze urging their friend to continue on.

“But then she was swaying and… I didn’t want her to hurt herself. So… I- I offered to carry her.”

“Aaaaand?” Susie prompted, unable to keep herself from grinning.

“... She let me.”

“Princess Carry?” Kris confirmed, the slight amusement in their tone earning them a weak smack to the shoulder.

“D-Does that really matter?”

“Nah, but thanks for the answer,~” Kris lightly teased, though they made no moves to push it any further.

“... Anyway. I carried her here, to the willow’s shade. She still seemed a bit out of it, so I offered to go get us some drinks and… and then…”

“Then?” Kris repeated.

“... She- Noelle kissed me.”

Ralsie could feel the mood shift, watching as Susie and Kris exchanged quizzical looks.

“Is that bad? I thought you kinda… liked her?” Susie asked, as though suddenly unsure herself.

“I do! I… I really do. I- I love her…”

“Then why-”

“Let me guess. She freaked and ran.” Kris cut Susie off, once more drawing both girls full attention with their obviously correct assumption.

“How…?”

“Known her all my life,” was Kris' simple reply. “Think I’ve got the picture. She kissed you, got your hopes up, then dashed them by freakin’ and booking it. Probably while stumbling out some dumb ass apology. You instantly started spiraling, assuming YOU somehow fucked this all up, and took a one-way trip to Everyone Hates Me island, population: you.”

“I… I did fu- um, fudge things up though…”

“Yeah, no. You didn’t.”

“But I-”

“Nah.”

“K-Kris!!”

“I’m with Kris on this,” Susie butted in, leaving no room for disagreement. “You didn’t fuck shit up.”

“Susie…”

“Two against one.” Kris stated. “Can’t argue with that, Fluffs.”

Fluffs. Ralsie couldn’t help but crack a smile at that, the nickname and its history a reminder of happier times. Of shared laughter and sweet treats, of mishaps with a curling iron and the inside jokes that followed. Proof of their friendship, of bonds she felt guilty for doubting.

Even if Noelle hated her now, that didn’t mean that Kris and Susie suddenly loathed her guts too. It seemed foolish now, to have doubted their love for her. Hadn’t they proved by now just how much she meant to them? How far would they go, just to see her smile?

“I… I won’t argue then.”

“But do you believe us?”

Susie seemed so serious when she asked, as though her belief meant everything to her.

“I’m trying to…”

And she was! She really was! But it was hard to listen, to take what they said to heart, when the truth felt obvious to her. If she wasn’t at fault then why else would Noelle have run away like that? There had to be a reason, and this was the only one that made any kind of logical sense.

… Emotions weren’t logical though, were they?

“Look,” Kris said, interrupting her thoughts as though they knew she’d been on the edge of spiraling once more. “It’s Noelle. Girl’s a thousand anxieties in a trenchcoat. Bet you ten bucks she freaked her own ass out, thought SHE fucked shit up and that YOU’D hate her.”

“I could never hate her!!”

“No shit, Sherlock. And guess what? It’s mutual.”

“It BETTER be mutual,” Susie muttered through gritted teeth. “She ain’t getting away with being an ass just ‘cause she’s my friend! If she’s blaming you then SCREW her! You’re a goddamned catch, Rals, and if she’s seriously gonna hate you over something SHE did then… then…”

“You’ll kick her ass?” Kris offered with a sarcastic edge.

“Nah. I’ll scare the living CRAP outta her instead! Until she realizes she’s being dumb as fuck and begs for you to forgive her!”

“Susieeee!”

“You’re our number one Rals. We’ve got your back, no matter what.”

Susie’s smile shone bright, its hope for a better future lighting a fire in her soul once more. A fire that only grew as Kris dipped down to kiss her forehead, a rare show of affection for the PDA avoidant human.

“You’re never alone,” they whispered into her fur.

… And in that moment, Ralsie believed them.

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The golden branches of the weeping willow rustled, parted by a familiar tawny hand. Two figures stepped through, their antlers catching fallen petals as they did. Dess grinned, shooting the trio an apologetic glance. Beside her stood Noelle, shoulders hunched and eyes bloodshot.

“Heeeey,” Dess said with an air of casualness only accessible to those used to the strained tensions of a serious fuck up. “Don’t worry, we come in peace! Got Elly here to see some sense.”

If looks could kill, Noelle would have already died twelve times over from the ferocity of Susie’s piercing glare. She almost would have welcomed it at this point. Almost.

At least it was better than the look she was getting from Kris. Susie’s glare promised only a good punch or two to the face. Kris, though? Their gaze was sharp, delivering a silent message that Noelle very much understood as ‘Fix this shit or you’ll be finding cockroaches in your pillowcase for the next month. Minimum.’ A threat she knew Kris would VERY much follow up on.

“Glaring won’t fix shit, numbnuts,” Dess commented, rolling her eyes as she gave her sister a slight push forward. “Talking will though, so get your asses up and out.”

There was a muttering of grumbles, mostly from Susie. Still, the pair begrudgingly agreed, though not without one last hug shared with their favorite fluffy girl. Noelle watched, heart wrenching painfully as she caught sight of Ralsie’s bloodied lip. Had she done that in her haste to escape?

It’s a thought that haunts her as Susie and Kris rise, silently passing her without so much as a word. They join Dess, and with one last fearful look Noelle watches as they leave, until it is just herself and Ralsie, alone once more.

“Hi…” Noelle eeked out, cringing internally at how her voice cracks and squeaks.

‘Come on Noelle, you’ve GOT to do better than that!’

Ralsie for her part mostly just sits there, offering a weak, fragile smile. It’s more than she deserves.

“I- I’m so sorry, Ral-”

Yet before she can finish, before she can give Ralsie the apology she sorely deserves, a single white paw is raised, waving her off.

“Can… Can I go first? Please? I want to say my piece, before I talk myself out of it.”

“Oh! Um, sure! I mean, of course!! The floor is yours!”

Why is her heart racing so fast? Is it nerves? Fear? It’s rare for Ralsie to interrupt anyone, and rarer still for her to demand such space for herself. Not that that’s a bad thing! She wishes her friend would take up MORE space, that she’d be comfortable in being, in taking what she rightfully deserves. It’s only her current circumstances that leave her anxious of what’s to come.

Even still Noelle doesn’t let that fear take over, instead allowing and forcing herself to sit before Ralsie, doing her best to offer up what she hoped was an encouraging smile.

“Thank you.” Ralsie whispered, and Noelle watched as she steadied herself.

Which definitely didn’t fray her already frazzled nerves! Not at all!! AND HEY LOOK SHE’S SPEAKING AGAIN!!!

“... I- I understand why you did it.”

Did she? Had her panic been such an obvious thing? Noelle knew she’d never exactly been subtle when it came to feelings and crushes and all, but she’d always kind of hoped that people would just chalk it up to anxiety. At least then she wouldn’t be seen as a love sick fool so caught up in her own fantasies that she couldn’t even keep herself from-

“I don’t blame you!” Ralsie’s frantic voice cut through her thoughts, forcing her back into the here and now. Right, she had to focus! She HAD to listen to this, to be attentive and understanding, no matter how this all ended.

Even if the thought of losing Ralsie thrust daggers deep within her guts.

“You’re allowed to change your mind whenever you like, Noelle. I… I wouldn’t want you feeling guilty over something silly like that.”

Wait, what?

“You probably didn’t even mean to kiss me…” Ralsie continued, a strange melancholy tinging each and every word. “You weren’t thinking straight, after all. I mean, with the heat stroke and everything, I should have been more careful. It was foolish of me to let you do something like that, and even stupider to… return that kiss.”

That wasn’t- that wasn’t how it’d gone down at all!

“Ral-”

“I know I shouldn’t have. It… It was selfish of me. My feelings for you, I let them blind me to the truth, to what I already knew. I would hate me too if I were you…”

“I don’t-”

“It’s alright, Noelle.” Ralsie assured her, with a smile wrapped in a thinly veiled sorrow. It was enough to make Noelle’s heart wrench. “This… This is my punishment. For wanting more. For falling in love with you when I knew that-”

“YOU WHAT?”

Noelle hadn’t meant to yell, she really hadn’t. But there was no way on earth she’d heard what she thought she had, right? She must have misunderstood or somehow drastically misheard the whole thing! Maybe she’d hit her head earlier, when she’d so pathetically tripped, and now she was completely and totally-

NOPE! No more of THAT kind of thinking. Not trusting her reality was what had gotten Noelle in this whole situation in the first place!

“I- I, um, what?”

“You just said you- that you’d fallen in love. With me? Right??”

The sight of tears prickling at the edges of Ralsie’s eye caught her attention, tears that spilled over at the now trembling goat girl nodded.

“I… Yes. I- I have. I know I shouldn’t have! I know what you’re thinking, and i-it’s reasonable! You deserve someone far better tha-”

Noelle could hardly believe her ears. Ralsie LOVED her! Loved her like THAT, like how she loved her!! A quick pinch to the face confirmed that, yes, she was in fact very much awake and all this was very much real! This was actually happening, she was-

… a gosh darned IDIOT.

“I’M SO SO SORRY!!!” Noelle blurted out, excitement squashed in an instant at her own ineptitude. In its stead churned a rising panic, its flames fanned as the full extent of her actions dawned upon her.

And beneath this rising panic, Noelle could only find one way to attempt to calm the storm… talking.

“I can’t- I could never hate you!! And I don’t! You’ve got the wrong idea here!! I wasn’t- Gosh this is so stupid… I knew what I was doing! I MEANT to kiss you, I wanted to do it for- since I don’t even know!! I just- You’re so pretty and amazing that my brain just turned to total mush and i couldn’t believe that you were actually carrying me and it all felt like a dream so I stupidly thought I was dreaming and just acted without thinking and I freaked out thinking you’d hate me forever and ever so I just ran when I should of just stayed and admitted that I love you too-”

“N-Noelle, you need to breathe,” Ralsie gently reminded her.

Right, breathing! Breathing was good, she thinks! Like, come on, how could she forget to breathe?

“Sorry!! I- This is just- I know I’m rambling and this probably doesn’t make a lot of sense? Typical Noelle, just freaking out and acting like a complete and total doofus! Fahaha!!”

“You’re not a doofus-”

“No. I was worse than that, wasn’t I?”

It was hard, to force herself to look, to make her guilt-stained gaze meet Ralsie’s. But didn’t she owe her that much, to at least look her in the eye as she spoke? She’d be lying if said she wasn’t scared, terrified of what she’d find in those gorgeous pink eyes that she adored oh so much. Would she see disappointment? Loathing? … Pain?

Like a coward she lowered her head, eyes flickering to Ralsie’s lips, to the wound that sat there, haunting her each and every breath. Ralsie hadn’t even mentioned it. Had she not thought it was important? That her own pain wasn’t worth mentioning? It’s that thought that drives her, that gives Noelle the push to finally say what needs to be said.

“... I hurt you. We could have had a fairytale moment and instead I screwed it all up by running away and making you think that I- I hated you,” her breath hitched, catching painfully in her throat. “I made you cry and… and you hurt yourself. P-Pretty awful of me, huh? To cause that, to hurt you. I… I understand if you can’t forgive that. If you want, I can just go-”

A hand quite suddenly drifted to her cheek. It cradled her face with such a raw and powerful tenderness that Noelle damn near whimpered, leaning into the touch with everything she had.

“Please don’t go…” Was all Ralsie said, as she tilted Noelle’s head, ushering their gazes to meet.

There was no disappointment, no loathing nor hurt. Where she’d expected pain, there was only warmth, a gentle, sweet glow for Noelle and Noelle alone.

“.... Maybe we didn’t get it right the first time. Maybe we both freaked out a little too much,” Ralsie whispered, her thumb brushing the edges of Noelle’s trembling lips. “Love is scary, isn’t it? It’s hard to be brave, to get it all right when there’s so much you could lose… But we’re here, aren’t we? We’ve done the hard part. Even after messing up, we’re here, together and… that’s all I want. To be with you, Noelle.”

Noelle watched as Ralsie’s cheeks burned, an adorable flare of red that she was sure was mirrored upon her own glowing face. Yet that heat held nothing in comparison to her eyes, blazing with a passionate determination that put the sun itself to shame.

“That’s all I want too!” Noelle admitted with a hiccup of a laugh.

A laugh that melted into a sigh of pure bliss, as in a sudden moment of courage Ralsie pulled Noelle in, letting their lips meet once more.

It wasn’t the most perfect of kisses. Noses bumped, they were both a giggling mess, and Ralsie’s split lip carried with it a lingering hint of copper, salted by many a joyful tear that both girls didn’t bother trying to suppress. It was messy, goofy and not at all like the fantasies that came before.

But it was with Ralsie. It was theirs. Noelle wouldn’t have changed a thing.

When they broke away it was only to let the other breathe, despite neither wanting this to end. Even then, they refused to remain apart, as Noelle dragged Ralsie into her lap with a dopey, breathless smile.

“I think I could kiss you all day…” Noelle whispered, absolutely meaning it.

“I think I’d happily let you!”

And oh it was tempting, knowing now that she could just… do that. That if she just asked, she could kiss Ralsie whenever she liked! That they could hold hands as they walked, could curl up together on the couch as some cheesy movie played second fiddle to their romance.

Speaking of that…

“I think… No, I know I want this. That I want you.” Noelle felt one last swell of bravery, determined this time to get it right. “I feel pretty dumb asking this, but… Do you want to be mine? M-My girlfriend, I mean! Like, officially? I know we just kissed and said how we love each other and all but… I thought maybe I should still ask?”

Even now, Noelle found herself flailing, lacking even a smidge of the smoothness she’d been aiming for. Not that Ralsie seemed to care. The girl she loved with every fibre of her being smiled up at her, as though Noelle was the most charming person alive. As if all her little quirks and flaws were something she loved, that she cherished.

“Of course I do!” Ralsie replied, with a smile so sweet that Noelle just HAD to steal a taste. “ But only on one condition!”

“Anything.”

“... If you’ll be mine as well.”

“That’s so cheesy!!”

She wouldn’t have it any other way. They both burst out into a pearl of giggles, the tittering sounds only muffled by the sealing of their lips in one more sugary sweet kiss. Perhaps she WOULD kiss her all day~

And maybe she would have, caught in the bubbling bliss of something exciting and new… had she not heard the distinctive snort of her nosey older sister.

“See? I told ya they’d be fine,” were the words that broke the magic, spoken by a far too pleased with herself Dess. From what sounded to be far too close as well, if Noelle’s ears didn’t deceive her.

“A bitch can worry,” came next, muttered in a flat grumble she knew could only belong to Kris. “Get off my ass, Dess!”

“I’ll stop when you quit hoverin’ like the world’s least threatening vulture~”

“... Vultures don’t bite.”

“That a threat, Dreemurr?”

“Nah. A promise.”

Noelle could feel Ralsie’s face blazing just as hot as hers, catching sight of the glow as they both swiftly pulled away just enough to cover their faces. Had… Had the others been here this whole time, just outside the branches? While she desperately hoped it wasn’t true, Noelle couldn’t deny that it was a strong possibility.

The new couple exchanged glances, quiet as they rose to stand. Wordlessly, they agreed. There would be no mercy.

So Noelle felt no guilt as she reached into her pocket, pulling from it a well-loved stress ball. Its surface was worn, bright colors faded from years of squishes and squeezes. She gripped it tight, offering the ball one last squish, before taking aim and chucking it right where she thought Dess’ head ought to be. Her success was signaled with a sudden yelp, followed by a string of curses Noelle just barely caught as she emerged from the weeping willow, with Ralsie close behind.

For just a moment there was silence, as Kris and Dess froze, eyes wide and frantic under the girls steely gazes.

“... Truce for survival?” Dess asked, an offer that Kris accepted without hesitation.

“Truce. We bookin’ it?”

“Like ours lives fuckin’ DEPEND on it!”

Kris didn’t need to be told twice. Before Noelle and Ralsie could hope to scold them even a little, they were grabbing Dess by the wrist and making a dash for the nearest tree, in a retreat so pathetic it was almost endearing.

Almost.

“I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE, GUYS!” Noelle shouted after them, as Ralsie shook her head in what could only be described as a fond exasperation.

“I told them it was stupid!”

Susie’s ever familiar gruff filled their ears, drawing their attention to her slowly approaching form. She too was shaking her head, as though she shared in their loving frustrations.

“Dumbasses just had fuck around and find out. I’m the king of that shit and even I knew to stay outta it!”

At least SOMEONE around here had some manners, Noelle thought with an exasperated sigh, throwing Susie a friendly wave as reached down to take Ralsie’s hand in her own. Their fingers threaded, fitting with a natural ease that Noelle had so sorely missed.

This wasn’t something that escaped Susie’s notice, as she absolutely beamed with pride at the sight.

“But hey, congrats!” Susie said with all the enthusiasm of a proud Dad. “Guess it won’t just be me ‘n’ Kris suckin’ face now, huh?”

“Susiiiiiie!!!” Ralsie cried out, whining as Susie just laughed in turn. “Don’t tease us!!”

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop! Promise I wasn’t teasing you though. I’m legit happy for you guys. You deserve it, you know?”

“That’s… actually really sweet of you, Susie.”

“Don’t get used to it.” Susie faux grumbled with a poorly hidden grin. “Oh, and yeah! Noelle, your ass is safe for now.”

“Safe…?” Noelle blinked in confusion. Was she not safe before?

“Yeah! Kinda glad, I didn’t wanna have to scare ya like that. But, you know, friend code and all.”

“I- What?”

“I… think we should drop this.” Ralsie suggested, effectively bringing the conversation to a rather awkward end.

It wasn’t a silence that lasted for long anyhow.

“Sooo… You want revenge?” Susie casually asked, the answer one they all already knew.

Thus she didn’t wait for a reply, instead gesturing for her friends to follow as she led the way to a nearby bush. Noelle watched as she stopped before it, eyes sparkling as she dropped into a quick squat. Without warning, she thrust her arm elbow deep into its bramble riddled leaves, only to yank out not one, not two, but THREE massive water guns. Each was handed off, tanks full and ready for action.

As was Susie herself. She was quick to show them how they worked, demonstrating how to pump it up, an action she did with almost manic levels of enthusiasm. Once she was satisfied with their handle on it all, she rose to her full height, cocking the water gun with a playfully dangerous glint to her eyes.

“I’m gonna go on ahead!” She shouted, throwing the girls a quick thumbs up and wink as she turned on her heels, making a beeline for where the eavesdroppers had last been seen running. “You lovebirds take your time! I’ll get ‘em real good for you, don’t worry!”

And just like that, she was gone, dashing off into the wide expanse of the park with thoughts of water based justice as her guide.

Even after all these years, Noelle couldn’t help but watch with an affectionate sigh.

“Susie’s really something, isn’t she?” Ralsie said, as though she’d just read her mind.

“She’s pretty cool,” Noelle agreed, watching for just a second more before letting her attention drop to the cutie beside her. “But cool as she is… You’re still number one in my books~”

Ralsie blushed, a sight that never grew old in how charmingly cute it was. Yet she didn't try to hide it, instead meeting Noelle’s gaze, even as her cheeks continued to glow.

“I know I kind of said it before, but… I want to say it again. Properly, this time.”

“Um, sure?”

Whatever it was, it seemed important. Noelle offered her hand a gentle squeeze, hoping it would reassure her quite suddenly serious girlfriend.

‘Girlfriend…’ she dreamily thought, before mentally slapping herself and forcing her attention back where it belonged.

“I just… wanted to say, without all the apologies and tears that I- I love you, Noelle.”

Oh.

It was strange, how completely and utterly giddy that left her. How three little words, that she already knew, left her heart racing when spoken. How she couldn’t help but smile, without a care in the world how dopeishly love stricken she looked.

“I love you too, Ralsie…” Noelle found herself saying in reply, the words coming as easy as the breath that carried them. “You better get used to hearing that, because I’m gonna say it a loooot!”

“Don’t think you’ll be the only one!” Ralsie replied with a sunshiney laugh. “You better be prepared for a million ‘I love yous’ too!”

“I’m gonna hold you to that~”

“Or you could just hold me instead!”

“Oh, I will~” Noelle hummed, her words a promise she intended to keep. “But first… I think Susie’s right.”

“Hm?”

“We deserve a little revenge~”

“Oh!” Ralsie blinked, head tilting as though thinking it over. “I thiiiink… no mercy~”

The devious grin that pulled at Ralsie’s lips was far too cute not to kiss, and Noelle granted herself one last moment of weakness before pulling away with a matching grin of their own.

“Let’s give them hell, Ralsie!”

“I couldn’t have said it better myself~”

In perfect unison they pumped up their water guns, before setting out to join the grassy battlefield to be. Together they went, not only in pursuit of their water-based vengeance… but in taking their first real steps, together. Their anxieties, their fears and doubts, they still remained. Perhaps they always would.

But they didn’t have to face it alone. Whatever came, they’d face it in tandem.