Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

John is a graceful man. Well, it even says so in his surname. The one that he made up, at least.
He didn't have a name nor a surname before - he is a creation of God, his child. Such being does not need a name, living under the God's wing was always enough for him. But why is it now that he gained a name? Nobody needs to name nor call him other than God himself.

Well, maybe because The Child is not living next to God anymore - but more like in a dirty rented apartment with 2 roommates. Nobody there would call him “My Love”, definitely.

It's not like God has COMPLETELY abandoned him - no, not really. It was more of The Human's desire – he wanted to join the Earth, to be with others and spread love. He has already turned away from God once, abandoned him. But luckily, John’s sins were reprieved - he has become a better man, a better person. Now, his goal is to help others do the same. To make them believe, to get away from their sins and not do the same mistakes.
Yet nobody really knows about him. Why would they? John’s really just some random guy. A God following freak too, since nobody really believes in him anymore. For God have not helped others and centered himself around The Child only, other humans have realized they're 'irrelevant' - hence have abandoned him the same way he abandoned them. People don’t believe anymore.
John has also realized that a lot of people who believe are as sinful as Grace was once, too. Even worse, actually. And they go to the sacred place to pray and spread the Gospel - only to be worse than non believers. They break the "Love thy neighbor" rule so badly, even John regrets coming there.
Well, what's done is done. Thus has God ignored others, The Child would not be the same. He has realized that his God isn't graceful himself at all - but rather ignorant and not helping. Even now, he is not entirely helping his main creature to deal with.. all this. John has promised himself to be better. To actually help people.
Yet now he was also just as ignorant. Why’s that?
Maybe because paying the rent and searching for a job is kind of hard for him already. Who knew living in a world that was broken was harder than fighting your sins? He can’t even afford food sometimes. How can you spread anything when you’re considered a weirdo and hungry? Oh, also don’t forget about being hated on.. For skin color? Okay, he does stand out being almost pitch black, but never understood why people insulted him for that.

John does not really doubt God: he knows He loves The Human himself. But constant comments that everything would be alright is starting to get frustrating. I everything's alright, why leave your world in a state like this? He should’ve warned John at least before sending him there.
John's relationship with God has become weird - not something he would've ever expected, honestly. But living in the Earth has become kind of.. Eye opening? God doesn’t really want it to be and just left it and created his own little realm with.. Grace.

"Hey religious freak, move over. I need to watch the news." — John's roommate has interrupted his line of thought. He moved over for his most annoying roommate.. Egor. Egor was a man probably in his late 20's - looked so young yet so old. Constant buzz cut and that black hoodie he never washes and always wears at the apartment - yea that's him. The guy definitely came from either the military or a prison. Yes, it's two very different things.. But nobody could ever really tell if it was the first thing or another. And Egor never really told anyone about himself much - stating that 'his life is so boring you won't even believe it'. Yet that statement is more unbelievable that the claim of his life being boring.
"Dude look at this." — Egor suddenly tapped John on the shoulder and pointed at the dirty TV. John, getting interrupted of his thoughts AGAIN, finally took a notice of an indeed turned on television and the news on it. Something bad had happened. It always does, honestly.
John didn't really understand much about the world at the moment, spending only like a year on Earth as in for now. But he could tell that it's.. Not the best time to live. Probably. He never knew that it was always like that, and if he found out he would completely lose his mind. Probably better to not know further.
"Everything's so fucked up lately, eh." — John looked at Egor as he just leaned against the sofa, resting his hands behind his head and looking up. Grace wanted to add something, but it would be hard when the other person isn't looking at you when you sign. Well, never mind then. John would probably ask something so stupid Egor would start laughing and wake Haze up. Speaking of..
"What time is it..?" — Haze walked into the room, stretching. The second roommate of John's - also believing in God. He's much better- no, more agreeing than Egor. Dressed in the most decent looking clothes (at the moment shorts and a random T-shirt), he was also the one who fit into the society the most and sometimes helped the other two with different tasks. Even paid for someone’s third of the rent. He was too kind. Definitely a man of God.
"Like, 12 pm?" — Egor stretched, grabbing the remote and switching through different channels. After a few seconds he turned around to Haze — "Also, did you see that-"
"Yes Egor, I saw it. I am on social media, unlike you." — Haze rubbed behind his neck, just waking up. He seemed to be well rested as in today. Luckily.
"So what do you think?"
"I remain a neutral stance, honestly..."
"What do you mean 'neutral?'" — Egor made a grimace, looking up and down at Haze. It seemed like this sentence deeply affected him. The sudden shift of mood caught Grace off guard.
"Well because, I don't think people deserve to die over-" — Haze started to come to senses.. Just to argue with Egor, apparently. Because that's what they are doing right now.
"He was a fascist, you dumb fuck!" — Egor slammed the couch. It wasn't that loud, but made John flinch. He felt uncomfortable here. He wanted to leave.
John stopped listening to these two for a moment to think to himself instead. The day has just started, and these two are already arguing over something on TV. Well, happening in life, but John couldn't really realize that internet also reflects real life.. And that the news channel is showing actual things happening. It was too hard for him to comprehend.

Those instances are now a part of his life. While he did follow God, it was much harder to keep a focus on his Love to Him only. There was more stuff to do now. And it's hard, after mostly doing nothing compared to this. This world was much more active than John thought it would be. Ignoring it all would be bad too, but he couldn't help but not really understand much yet. He is trying, at least. God is praising him. Which is good.

Grace suddenly snapped out of overthinking. God, there was seriously something up with him. At least Egor and Haze aren't arguing anymore. Haze is at the kitchen, whilst Egor is eating some old cereal with milk that's probably almost expired. The TV is still playing in the background, but instead of news there was some pop music. Neither of the 3 really liked it, but having anything in the background is better that just silence. John still seemed overwhelmed.
"Hey Grace-" — Haze started speaking. The eggs slightly sizzling on the pan he was cooking them on. — "You okay? You've been quiet for a while."
As Haze turned around to look at the person he was talking to, John nodded slightly and looked away, to the window. Not a great view. Terrible, actually. Trash was everywhere on the streets and nobody even cared. He still felt Haze’s gaze on him for a while. It was tiring.

"..My spine hurts." — John whispered to himself. His spine really did hurt. Terribly. He has felt absolutely horrible in the past 2 days or so. He never really told anyone nor did anything about it - the guy didn't really have the money nor the courage. Nobody cared enough about him either
"John? You said somethin'?" — Egor has seemingly heard him mutter under his nose, which caught John off guard. He was too curious at times. Especially when listening to something he isn’t supposed to hear.
John never liked whenever someone other than God hears him. As Egor didn't really know, he just slowly munched on his bland breakfast and started at Grace. Staring again.
John just shook his head. He couldn't say anything else, really. But he realized he could move - which was exactly what he did after Egor turned away. Grace just randomly stood up and went over to the entrance door and stared at it for a while. The other two didn't notice it somehow, well, they probably thought he just headed to his room. Which he did not.
John didn't have any money. Nor a job. It was hard to get one without any education nor papers. He has no clue what to do. John’s supposed to pay for rent soon and he still doesn't have any money. Haze would just kick him out soon this way. There's no way he would pay for another month of Grace's third. John needed to spread the Gospel. Spread love. What he's doing right now is just.. Doing nothing and suffering over it. Was it sloth? He really didn't know if it was. Because if it is, Grace is doomed. Why is he not doing anything?

John was already standing out in the cold. He didn't have a jacket on - just a tank top and very light pants, and it was obvious why the guy was shivering. He wanted to go somewhere but didn't really know where. People were staring at him. Almost undressed in the cold and the fact that he looked different. Large eyes were putting people off.
This day is already feeling like a fog in the mind. It's terrible. He feels the sins coming back. No, not them. It's not gonna be them. It can't be.
John walked through several streets, shivering heavily and panting. He needed to take a break. There were too much people staring. He decided to turn to a random corner and take a break. It’s still cold but whatever.

As Grace walked into a random fork, he realized that it wasn’t quiet at all as he intended for it to be. Addicts. He didn’t blame them for being that, it just felt even worse now that it was on the street. It stinks here. He should turn back.
A gunshot was heard from the back. Christ. He needed to run out of there.

Chapter Text

“Hey Haze, have you seen John?” — Egor stood in the doorway to Haze’s room. It was clean and organized – the bed was made and clean, in the middle of the room was a computer table. Haze was working at home today. And Egor? Doing absolutely nothing. He still got money to pay for rent and food; he should be totally fine. He still gets some money from Urbanshade. They’re pretty generous after everything that happened, huh? They better be.

“John..? Isn’t he in his room?” — It was obvious that Haze had no idea. He was still working on his computer and not paying much attention. Jansen was like, an editor or something? Egor wasn’t sure. He didn’t really care either way.

“Nah, not anymore at least. He’s been quiet since 12 pm, honestly.” — Egor yawned and fixed his posture. Haze finally turned around to look at the guy. He couldn’t tell what his expression was. Kuznetsov has never really cared about others, which is why Haze was so surprised.

“Are you.. Worried about him?”

“What? Of course not! I’m just curious.” — Egor rolled his eyes. He would never agree to something like this even if he did care. Well, okay. Maybe he’s worried. He’s worried that if John dies, he would have to pay for the half of rent.

“..Uh-huh. Anyways, I don’t know. I am sure he’ll come back soon though.” — Haze turned back to his computer and hunched over to see the screen better. That idiot was without glasses, again. Couldn’t he like, just wear them to see better or whatever? Eh, not his problem.

He had to run. Definitely. He didn’t want to get caught in some docking. He didn’t want to be in trouble. Especially not now.
John was safe. He ran even faster than expected, even though his powers here were severely limited. Lucky to be fast and strong for doing almost nothing. That’s the best thing he got. Much better than nothing.

Egor was super bored. He got the money for this month. A job? He didn’t really want to get one considering his past.. That he didn’t even quite remember. Those fuckers at Urbanshade erased his memory before the mission. Well, actually, it’s better to not know than feel the guilt. Or would he feel any guilt? Egor didn’t know what he did, but if he remembered, he’d probably go insane. His crime was worth a death sentence. It was definitely not a good thing. What if it clashes with his current believes? Would be fucked up.

Eh, no need to overthink it. This shit’s in the past. He just needs to survive without dying or getting killed for knowing too much. Well, at least he’s alive. For now.

Kuznetsov went outside for a smoke. And eh, maybe he will see Grace alive and well. If not, the guy’s probably dead and Egor’s doomed to pay even more rent.

What time was it? John was freezing. It’s so cold out here. He should probably head back, yet something’s stopping him. He didn’t want to come back. He needed to save others. He needed to help. He looks pathetic, with blood on his face. Both his own and another person’s.
Someone actually tried attacking him. A high guy with a knife. Grace didn’t want to fight and tried to quickly run away, but he underestimated the need for that person to stab someone. And he did try to stab John. Well, Grace somehow dodged it, but that person still couldn’t leave John alone and even hit him in the face. Grace had to put him down, for God’s sake. That was super sinful of him. He needed to apologize to God. Later.
Now, John was roaming around the town. He didn’t realize how he actually made a large circle and returned back. Well, here he is. All roads come back there, huh? He has no choice. There’s no help for others when the helper needs to be rescued.

“John?” — Oh, so he is alive. Great. Another person to annoy him. Well, here it comes.

“What Are You Doing Here” — John signed with his hands. They were shivering. Of course, that guy would shiver, he’s almost naked outside in such weather, and God only knows where he has been. Well, one thing that was clear is that Grace had blood on his face and on his fist.

“Dude, what were YOU even doing back there?” — Egor raised an eyebrow. John was already here anyways, why not ask him?

“I Was Walking And Someone Attacked Me” — John tried to stay in place, but despite his efforts he couldn’t really stop walking back and forth. Dang, someone slapped him pretty had. Egor wondered who that was.

“Rightt.. Why didn’t you get back though? — Egor couldn’t understand Grace. What were his intentions? What is that freak even doing daily? What is he thinking about? Well, he for sure knew that John was Christian as fuck. But man, he really wished he could get into Grace’s head at least once. The guy was too interesting and weird for him to not wish for that.

“I Didn’t Want To” — John signed and started to rummage through his pants pockets. Did the guy forget his keys too?

“For fuck’s sake man, you’re insane.” — Egor threw the remaining part of his cigarette on the ground and stomped on it. John seemingly didn’t like that. It was already dirty here, why bother? Nobody cares anyways.
Kuznetsov took out his keys and walked to the entrance. He swears he heard John say something.. Or did he? Nah, it was probably just the wind. Doesn’t matter.

Grace and Kuznetsov were now both walking up the stairs, both equally as quiet and walking in a slow pace. Except one was shaking and the other was not.

“You know, back at my home town the apartments were quite different.” — Egor suddenly started talking with a speech already in his head. He couldn’t see John’s face at the moment. But you know what? That’s for the better. It would be dumb if the guy saw Egor having nostalgia over something that he remembers very briefly. — “The blocks are even smaller than here and the inside feels even more miserable. Like, not exactly dirty but it was mostly because of the architecture. It’s like it’s made like that on purpose.” — Egor chuckled. He hated his hometown, yet he never really felt at home anywhere. This place reminded him of the past, too. Which he despised — “Well, Slavic countries it is, eh?”

John did not make a comment nor react. Maybe because he can’t even talk nor can he relate. Whatever, let that freak think whatever he wants. Kuznetsov doubted he even cares. His eyes said everything already.

Apartments more miserable than this one. Well, John is now completely sure of the suffering in this world. It was terrible. He wished he could do something and help. Yet he can’t. Egor wouldn’t want his help anyways, it was obvious. That was just some ‘random, meaningless ranting’ from him. That’s what he says about moments like this, at least.

Egor wishes he could understand John and his motives. What does he live for? What is his background?
Well, you can’t really get information out of every person on the planet. It’s not like collecting endless research and then reading/playing it. No, it was different – it was actively learning about a person. And it was kinda exhausting. But Kuznetsov had nothing more to do, really. So why not observe?
But yet, a mystery would always stay a mystery, eh? He probably won’t get far.

Chapter Text

“Hello, my Child. How are you doing so far?” — John felt himself open his eyes in a completely dark space. An Eye was staring down at him, curious, affectionate. This place was filled with peace. This is the only space where Grace felt at full inner peace. God was staring down at him, ready to comfort anytime. All of the anxiety has faded away, leaving John with nothing but comfort. — “You seem to be uneased, My Love. Why is that?”

“For I have sinned may you forgive me, My Lord. I have been violent to a person struggling, and even if that was for my own defense, I know I did it wrong. His eyes were glowing with rage, fulfilled by doing things that consumed him – he gave away to his addiction, hence he has given up.” — John stood in prayer, head down and on his knees. God is the only person he’ll kneel before, and he is proud to do so. He is happy to see God, but not happy with his own sins.

“Do not worry, My Child.” — Grace felt a little nudge in the back. Due to it being unexpected, he yelped and fell down, but then quickly got back on his knees out of embarrassment. What? — “You may not understand what I am trying to achieve. This all is happening on purpose, for I may say. And you are doing well, My Love. Please do not burden yourself with that – you will be forgiven for those sins. You are strong, and you know that. You want to help others, I know. Yet now is not the time. They are not ready, and neither are you.”
John suddenly felt himself being lifted. He looked up and saw his God up close. This has never happened before – he has never seen His Love this clear. The one that created him, the one that gave Grace life and forgave him for not following and losing himself to his own sins. All of the doubts in his God have lost it’s meaning – John will be forgiven. He is loved. God loves him.

“For you are now going to wake up, do not be afraid. It will not be pleasant, trust me.” — John wanted to speak with God one more time before they will be set apart, to express his feelings one more time, but-

“Dude, are you in a fucking coma? Wake up already!” — John woke up with a loud scream. His whole body felt cold and shivering. Was that.. Ice? — “Phew, I thought you died. Well, no need to clean a room after a corpse then.”

“What Time Is It” — Grace stood up and shook off all the ice off himself and then hesitantly signed with his shaky hands. His bedsheets are gonna be wet now.. That’s unfortunate. Egor’s too harsh sometimes.

“It’s 4 pm.. Of 22nd!” — John raised his eyebrow. 22nd.. It has been more than a day?! Wow. That’s really time wasting, actually. Not that he had much better to do, but oh well-

“Why Did You Wake Me Up Though” — John sighed and yawned. He really needed a shower now.. And to change his sheets. If he even had any spare ones. If not, He’s gonna have to sleep on the couch for the time being then.

“Oh, right. Haze invited us to a bar tonight after his work. He wanted to talk about something ‘important’, I think.” — Egor made an emphasis on the word ‘important’, shrugging on that word and looking away. Haze and Egor weren’t in the best terms, hence he didn’t like talking about him.. Or to him.

Egor sat on the bed next to waking up John. He seemed to be stunned still after the ice attack. Well, he better be anyways. Don’t want this fucker to die.
This was quite awkward now. Grace definitely felt Kuznetsov’s gaze at him. Well, maybe because he was staring right at him as well. John does pretty sure have large eyes.. Egor thought as if his eyes weren’t literally never seen by anyone except himself. That was quite the opposites, huh?

“Anyyywhooo, I think you should shower now. You stink.” — Egor broke the strange moment of staring at each other and stood up. He didn’t want to look at John ever again after that. Egor just quickly left the room, leaving Grace completely stunned. He’ll deal with it himself. That was not Kuznetsov’s problem, at all.

“Блять, яж не гомик (its a slur. dont say that if you dont apply to that kids. although im pretty sure if you read this fanfiction you do), хуета какая-то.” — Kuznetsov swore under his teeth after he entered the living room. That was gay as shit of him. Well, doesn’t matter. John will probably forget about it as much as he did.

Haze walked to the designated place and looked at his watches. He just finished his exhausting workday and now stood in front of a bar next to his office building. He had some kind of conference today talking about his company’s next marketing goal. They were talking about the possible usage of AI in their next advertisements, but one of his co-workers was extremely against it and brought most of the room on her side, Jansen included. Well, she made a great point.
Okay. Where was he. This wasn’t the time to think about that; he can do it tomorrow. He came here to get some drinks and talk.

Haze walked into the building and got a place at the counter. It wasn’t noisy much today. Well, John would probably like it that way more. He seemed to not like overly loud places.
Speaking of, those guys already entered the building. While Grace dressed a little bit nicer that usual, Egor didn’t seem to bother much. Nothing new, really. John also seemed to be a little bit worried as Kuznetsov nudged him slightly and said something with a smirk.
Jansen waved to these 2 for them to locate him. As they approached the stall and sat down, Egor was the first one to call the bartender.

“I can pay this time. You both shut your nosy mouths and don’t bother asking why.” — Haze shrugged. That was unexpected but still kind of Egor. John seemed to make no comment either. — “What will you have?” — Kuznetsov turned to Haze and John and leaned against the counter.

“Hm, I’ll probably have a schiava.” — Haze said and looked at John, who seemed to be zoning out and staring at the interior. — “What about you, Grace?”

John suddenly turned to Jansen and blinked a few times before realizing the question. His widened eyes calmed down a little as he looked at the menu. — “I Don’t Really Drink”

“C’mon dude, one time won’t hurt. We can choose for you, I guess.” — Kuznetsov turned to John also with a smirk. Haze didn’t understand how did he warm up towards this guy so much lately. Like, sure, Jansen remembered Egor being relatively worried about Grace like a month and a half ago, but Haze would’ve never guessed that he will become ‘friends’ with.. Anyone, actually.

“Sure Then Just Not Something Very Heavy” — John signed after some hesitance. He seemingly trusted them. But as soon he looked away, Haze noticed the way Egor stared at Grace.. Sure. Okay. Kuznetsov’s just always weird like that.

Egor finally made an order. Schiava for Haze, brown ale for himself (Jansen honestly thought he would like something else) and.. Stout for John. Haze was not sure about if that fit John’s description.. Well, maybe tasting it one time won’t hurt.

“So, I wanted to talk to you about something, right?” — Haze started speaking. John was slowly drinking the beverage that was brought to him. Egor suggested for him to drink it slowly, and they also grabbed a bite before going. Hopefully Grace won’t feel bad after drinking a little bit. Egor seemed to know the drill of it. — “This is about the rent, and.. The fact that I mostly pay for you.” — Grace didn’t pay much attention to Jansen’s words at the moment. Well, he did listen, just not really processing it.

“Yea, what about it? I pay the rent, actually. Well, maybe I was tough on money like twice. You aren’t mad about that, right? — John never really noticed Egor’s strong accent before for some reason. Well, it wasn’t that strong, but.. Noticeable. Grace surprisingly paid attention to that mainly.

“Okay, yea, perhaps you do pay it for the most part.. But John.” — John didn’t react. — “John!” — Jansen had to raise his voice slightly just for Grace to notice him. Well, at least it worked.

“Sorry to break it to you, but.. I’m not sure if I can fund you anymore. I know you’re struggling and all that, but you really need to get a job.. And proper documents, actually.” — John listened to Haze without any interest but took his words to account. Yea, right.. He doesn’t really have much stuff to do in this world. He literally lived off Haze’s money. Haze is.. A great guy. But he was right. John did need a job.

“Hey don’t listen to him, stay unemployed foreve-“ — Egor’s smug face changed as Haze gave him a light slap. He seemed to be overly dramatizing the slap, gasping and grabbing his cheek. — How dare you?! — Egor’s played paid made John cackle.

“Egor, now’s not the time. Anyways, John, are you.. Good with pets?” — Haze turned back to John and took a sip of his wine. John nodded. Taking care of animals sounded not that hard. He already did that.. Once, if not twice, under unpleasant circumstances too. So it won’t be that hard, probably. Especially when given everything needed. — “I know a few people that need their dog walked or their pets babysat for a while.. The pay is good too. Think you can handle it?” — John nodded again. Sounds good enough.

“Thank You Haze This Means A Lot To Me” — John signed and looked away. His expression has softened. Haze giggled and smiled too.

“That’s nothing, really. I just want to help you, truly.”

“Blaaah blaaah blaaah, yea we got it, you two soft fucks. Hey John, drink it up, I’m gonna order more drinks.” — While John was only in the midway of his first one, Haze and Egor have already finished theirs.

“Wasn’t It You Who Said To Drink It Slow”

“Yea, but not that slow, Dude!” — John giggled. Yea, maybe he’s too slow.

The three spent another hour at the bar. Or was it an hour? Neither of them could really count the time anymore. Egor was talking about countless stories that none of them would even remember the next day, Haze was talking about his achievements and John was just.. Commenting on it all. He didn’t have much to say nor add. That would be believable, anyways. Well, maybe he did have some stories from when he was homeless, but they were not exactly to share.

Haze felt that, whatever may have happened to him and no matter how much repetitive his life may be now, it’s not an entirely bad life. He got a way in it.

It's not that bad of a life. Nobody will know about his past. He got money from Urbanshade for now, so no need to find a job. Egor’s roommates aren’t as bad as he thought they are too. Still lowkey freaks though.

John felt hazy. The alcohol made his mind wander. What would God think? Is this sinful? He hoped not. Otherwise, he felt warm. The company of his roommates was better than he expected. He could even crack jokes with them.

Who knew they would get close? They were just roommates, after all.

Chapter Text

The light was shining through the curtains, falling right on John’s face. It seemed to be already daytime, judging by the rise of the sun. Grace looked at the nearby clock: it was almost 1 pm. Seemed like he was right. Where was he again? Oh yea, at the living room couch.. Egor has thrown ice on his bed yesterday and John was planning to wash his only bedsheets today. But before he does that, he has to sleep on the couch. Wouldn't like to sleep on a naked wet mattress.
Where were the other guys? That was the main question that lingered on Grace’s mind since he has woken up. The memory of yesterday night was very vague, especially the end. Did anything bad happen? Could he possibly have said anything bad? Whatever.
Actually, no, John wanted to find his roommates more than ever. He was paranoid about it for some reason. It was totally not whatever.
Grace tried to stand up, but then realized that his whole body felt really sore. What even led to this? He also felt very thirsty, so his first thing to do was to get some water. John basically downed 3 cups but that felt almost like nothing. Fine, he just needed to focus on his main goal right now – check on his ‘friends’. He hoped they’re okay.
Grace was feeling slightly anxious for them for no particular reason. He had that sickening feeling in the stomach about this. It burned from the inside. But John tried to hide it, to not think much of it. He needed to stay stronger.

John peeked into Haze's room – the guy was, hopefully, alright. He was snoring very loudly though and slept in a weird position. Grace quietly entered the room to check in: the desk was just the same, the bed was quite messy but still alright, Jansen? Totally very tired from yesterday but sleeping well. He didn't even take off his work clothes.
Now to Egor. Egor's room was much less pleasing to eye – it was filled with Red Bull cans and totally wasn't deep cleaned in a long time. Not that it was that bad, but there's still a very clear feeling that he just doesn't care much about it. Mold can be seen in some of the corners too.
Anyways. Egor wasn't there, surprisingly. Woke up first? Most likely. John did notice that his phone was on the bed counter. Seems like he was still in the apartment. But where? He didn't notice him at all. The only thing that Grace hasn't checked yet.. Was his own room.
Come to think of it, why would Egor be in John's room? He rarely really minded anyone's business and didn't seem to care much. Grace himself wasn't even there. But now, Kuznetsov was actually standing in front of John's modest table and was searching for something.

"The hell?!" — Egor got severely startled when John knocked on the wall to get his attention. Grace's eyes narrowed. What is he doing? Does he need something?? Why is his roommate rummaging through his own stuff???

"Egor What Are You Doing" — John signed with his hands as Kuznetsov just stared at him. The guy didn’t answer for a good 10 seconds before finally relaxing and putting on his usual façade.

“I forgot something in your room yesterday. Got a problem?” — Egor seemed to be still irked from the last night. He seemed to be very annoyed at everything after he drank. And quite insufferable too. Seemed like the effect didn’t come off today fully either. His voice also sounded pretty weary.

“Okay Just Don’t Make A Mess” — Grace still stayed in between the door and watched Egor. Seemed like it made the guy even more annoyed as his actions became slightly rougher. Grace didn’t seem to believe Egor but didn’t make much comment on it. That guy definitely hid something; he just didn’t have enough proof for that. Why would Egor stay quiet if something bothered him? Oh, right. John kind of did the same most of the time.

“Anyways, found it.” — Kuznetsov quickly put something in his pants pockets and went to the exit. He slightly pushed Grace from the way, which made him pretty startled for a second. John also checked his room for a second to make sure that Egor didn’t steal anything precious to him. He did not. His favorite cross from God himself was still in it’s place, untouched.

The rest of the day went pretty weird. Haze also woke up very sick. Grace has helped him wake up and tried making some food despite the fact that he can’t cook. Egor eventually took the job himself without any desire to do that.. Or did he actually not want to? The guy did help them after all. Whatever.
The 3 just procrastinated most of the day for some reason. Haze was in his room ‘working’ (John has checked on him – he was, in fact, not working), Egor just locked his room and didn’t come out most of the time, whilst John was still very paranoid and walked back and forth the apartment from time to time, checking on his roommates.

Grace had no reason to be scared for those 2. They both were grown men with a full and complete life unlike Grace, who was literally brought to Earth a very little while ago and knows nothing about it. And the night. Was it sinful of him to drink that much? What would God think? Would he be mad or not? John was feeling quite selfish lately, prioritizing his feelings mainly. He did help others, but not as much as he wanted to.

Egor was laying on his bed, looking at the ceiling. His roommates were annoying as fuck. John’s footsteps were interrupting his thoughts. Haze’s faint laugh and clicking on the keyboard were also pissing him off. His room was unorganized and hasn’t been since a month ago. He is totally losing his mind. More the time passes, more he thinks about what happened at the Urbanshade. Nobody will believe him. He doesn’t need anyone to do that anyways. He didn’t need anyone’s trust nor support – the brief friendship with his roommates and interest in John were only temporary and won’t last for more than a few weeks. They will fall out eventually, he’s sure. He doesn’t want them in his life anyways. Just a couple of annoying rats that can’t do shit themselves masking as grown men.
But wasn’t Kuznetsov the same? No, he has a past behind him, a cruel one. That he doesn’t even remember. But he does remember retrieving the crystal perfectly. The way it’s orange shine glistened through his hands. The way he felt so scared holding it his hands were trembling.
Egor groaned and closed his face with his hands. He rolled over onto his stomach and questioned his whole existence. Why didn’t Urbanshade get rid of him already? He didn’t even do anything anymore and was a possible threat to the company’s privacy. And the fact that these kinds of beings actually are on our Earth right now makes his deeply sick. They can’t hurt him anymore. No, they can’t.
Sebastian. What about him? Egor read his document. That was.. Utterly disgusting. He wasn’t even the one who killed those people and yet they still did that to that person. Egor would’ve gone insane and wanted revenge if he was him too. But was he not insane already, pushing everyone away?

He just had to admit that he’s as useless as anyone else. Hell, even more fucking useless than ever. What was he doing right now? Locked in his room from the whole world? Yea that’s fucking pathetic. Would’ve been better if he was assassinated already to be honest.

Maybe he’s so interested in Grace because they’re so fucking alike. Who knows? Both look fucked up and probably had some insane past. John’s was probably not as insane as his though. That’s definitely an unique experience he has.
Haze’s fucking annoying too to be honest. He definitely has something to him too. Being all smarty and collected all the time, but when he’s drunk totally losing it? Yea, he’s not believing his average corporate life.

If only people could be read like books.

Chapter Text

In front of John was a pretty big and nice house. He rung on the doorbell and waited for the answer, looking around. The garden was pretty neat – different flowers and bushes were planted in rows and by color. A gardener definitely lived there.

"Hello, you must be.. John Grace?" – A woman opened the door. She was dressed in pretty fancy clothing – seemed like she was about to go somewhere. — "Please come in! I'll tell you everything in minute."

John hesitantly walked into the house as the woman left. Her name was Clarice, as he remembered. Grace looked around before taking off his shoes and leaving them at the entrance.

The first thing that Grace saw when entering the building was a small white dog barking at him. It's fur was white and curly, the pet was also clearly recently groomed. John also saw a cat in the distance: it's fur was orange, white and slightly grey, the cat was a short-hair and pretty small. It seemed to be sleeping.

John hesitantly moved on to the living room. The mother and a small boy were there. The boy was also dressed neatly, playing with a car on the couch.

"Oh, no, you didn't have to take off your shoes.. Anyways, I wanted to show you the food my precious kitties and dog eat.." – Clarice said and led John to a cabinet where all the pet food was. She also explained to him about when and how much the dog needs to be walked, that one of the cats and the dog needed to be brushed everyday. She showed him where the medications were for if the pets got sick.
John didn't quite understand why him coming to their place was really needed. Well, not that it was a bad thing to visually show their stuff, but he could've figured out himself.

The family soon left. They seemed to be going to the airport – probably going on a vacation. They, of course, left the pets job to John. Wouldn't want to miss the plane. That was quite weird to be honest. Well, it was more fortunate to John too: he didn't like people watching him doing something.

But seemed like he wasn't actually fully alone here. As John was brushing the dog's fur, a person walked down the hallway. They were yawning and stretching, still in pyjamas. They rubbed their eyes and looked at the living room. Just to see.. A person there.

"So you're the fella that my parents hired?" —John looked up at the person. It was seemingly a woman – seemingly a relative of the family, judging by looks. Grace didn't really analyze much about her looks.. He really liked her braids though. He kind of wished he had hair to be able to do stuff like that.

"Hello? You there?" — The woman said, moving to the couch and sitting on it. She was looking at John, which made him deeply uncomfortable with this. Why didn't the family say there's gonna be a person here?!
Grace eventually nodded.

"If you don't want to, we don't have to talk. I just wanna know your name to, y'know.. Feel safer." – The woman mumbled as she was looking for a remote in the depths of the couch. Once she found it, she turned on the TV. John.. Hated it even more. Too loud.

"Even I'm not that down bad to get alcohol in the very fucking morning." — Haze was sitting at the table and sipping on alcohol. He didn't really care what the substance was, he just needed something to calm down. Egor was leaning against the counter, drinking coffee instead and judging Jansen without knowing what happened. But, knowing that guy, he would totally judge anyways.

"It was a long night, shut it.." — Haze muttered and sprawled all over the table. He wasn't really drunk, but still felt terrible. The cause? His workplace is getting shut down due to financial problems. The workplace that he was super attached to. Where is he gonna go now? It would be embarrassing to say how their marketing team that he was a part of completely failed in its job. How did it even all go downhill so fast? What were they thinking? Whatever. Just.. Whatever.

"Dang dude, you all depressed cause of fuckin' work? That's a different level of insane." — Kuznetsov scratched his spine and moved to the sink to wash his cup. Haze didn't really care anymore, but he swore that the water was running way longer than it's supposed to be. — "You'll get a fuckin' job. Why are you so worried about it? You're like, the most successful person I've ever met. Of course you can get a job!"

"It's not about that.." — Jansen was breathing as if he's about to cry. He got too used to the workplace and the people. It felt genuinely terrible having to let go soon. Sure, he'll talk with his coworkers for a while, but it's obvious that they will fall out and forget about each other. Well, they will. Not Haze.

"What's it about then? I can't figure out what you're whining about." — The water from the sink stopped running. Egor didn't move. — "You're so sensitive."

"And what.." — Haze didn't finish the sentence, even though it was obvious what he would say. His eyes were closed and watery – he didn't move much nor drink anything. Well, he took the alcohol solely because he didn't know what to do. In reality, he didn't even want to drink.
Haze felt a hand on his shoulder. Egor was slightly patting on it. His movements felt rigid, but the idea of support from this guy already felt too much to comprehend already. Him? Helping..? Dang, Haze better not get attached to this guy that much. These are just little movements of support.

"Uh.. You sure can do this??" — Egor's tone sounded like he was questioning himself, not reassuring Jansen. It still gave the guy an unusual feeling of support. He isn't used to people cheering him up. Usually, it's the opposite. And with Kuznetsov, it's a whole another story of unexpectedness.

"Thanks.." — Haze lifted his head to look up at Egor and slightly smiled. At the sight of that smile Kuznetsov rolled his eyes and seemingly tried to maintain a chill expression. He was trying too hard to the point that it looked overly goofy. He looked away.

"Don't look at me like that. I'm not gonna fix your luttle problems."

"Who said you.. Have to?"

"Whatever dude. Fuck off." — Egor let go of Haze and walked away to the kitchen counter. The water started running again. Jansen didn't seem to care much about it.
Egor's too tough. He needs to soften up more. He's more pleasant to talk to that way.

Her name was Faith. She's the oldest daughter of the family and stayed for education. The reason why she couldn't take care of the pets herself? Too busy. She's staying at the house for the weekend, which means Grace didn't actually have to come here today. Why did they invite him? Well, Faith doesn't know either. Maybe because they already paid for everything and it would be a loss to waste money.

"John, right? You can go already if you want, don't worry. I can take care of everything." — Grace shook his head. He wanted to spend more time with the pets. He was currently petting Toby – the three-colored kitty. Toby was.. Super energetic, but seemed to like John by the first glance. Grace also liked playing with him. — "Well, whatev's. I'd like to say that someone will come over at, like, 3 pm. Can you leave by that time?" — Grace nodded. He continued petting the kitty before it ran away. He grabbed a toy and walked towards Toby's location to play with him again.

Grace's extremely grateful. Haze picked the perfect way of income for him. He could never repay Jansen for everything that he has done for John. The family was nice and he got to play with pets for money. Was it childish? Maybe. But Grace didn't seem to care much about it. God would be pleasant to see him happy either way. Well, without hurting anyone or sinning of course. And he was doing neither.

Chapter Text

John felt himself falling. Where was he? This was not the God’s residence. Is he dead? Truly dead? But where is God, if he is dead? Isn’t he supposed to accompany his Human? What is going on?

John landed on a surface. Dirty, cold concrete was underneath him. The walls were made of brick: simple yet familiar. The main source of light – barrels with fire in it. The thing burning inside was unclear, being completely dark yet so bright at the same time it hurt to watch.
Grace has a flashlight in his hand. Not very bright, but still can do the job. Once he turned it on, the room immediately grew in color. The walls were obnoxiously red, the fire burning through his eyes just by looking at it. The floor felt cold like ice now.
John can’t look at himself at the moment. But one thing was for sure – he doesn’t have any clothes. He doesn’t have any scars. He doesn’t have anything that would’ve reminded him that he is living on Earth.

John started to run. Run endlessly. Opening door after door, smashing some, unlocking others. Nothing was out of the ordinary. Grace was super fast. His legs were moving like a mechanism – he didn’t control them. Jump on the wall there. Slide here. Nothing was in the way. Yet everything was overly bright and cold. The fire actually froze him. The concrete stung. The walls hurt his feet.

He was running. From something? Or to something? Was he trying to reach a goal, so far away he will have to suffer and barely reach it? Or was he trying to escape the past, escape the things that happened and forget? Either way, it hurt. Hurt him immensely. It was unbearable. It felt like his bones broke from one to another, his limbs felt like they were turning to ice, eyes hurt and bloody. Nobody was chasing him. He was alone here. Running from and to nothing.

God’s not trying to help John. He’s absent. He’s not here to help. He’s not here to give advice. Not here to lead. Even though there’s nobody here, John’s suffering. He shouldn’t even suffer. Everything’s alright. He’s clean. He’s a follower. He’s not sinful anymore. Why is he worrying over smallest things? Nobody’s haunting him.

Or is it true? John felt a rain. It was small at first, so he thought it was just his imagination, but later on it became more and more obvious. It was warm. So warm. The only warming thing in this whole place. The way it fell wasn’t harsh – it was soft. It was gentle. It was slow. It was reassuring Grace.

After a while The Human stopped fighting. Running. He stood here, soaking in the rain. His eyes were closed, so he obviously didn’t see its color. Was it Sorrow? But if it is, why is it so gentle and reassuring? Why’s it helping him?

Grace woke up. Panting and clutching onto the warm blanket, he felt himself losing it. Was it a dream, or was it reality? Was it a sign to something? Something terrible, so terrible that Sorrow will consume him?

He was too mean to people. He pushed them away. He ignored. He didn’t help. He didn’t listen. What if he made it worse? Made it worse by caring only about himself? He’s not doing enough.

“Egorr! How’s life?” — A woman ran up to Egor and gave him a high five. She was smirking and visibly happy to see her old friend. — “C’mon, go in dude!”

Egor entered the apartment. It was definitely bigger and cleaner than his – at the very least, she lived alone, so her place is entirely up to her. The 3 bedrooms were used as guest room, her bedroom and just a room of her doings. It was always locked. She never opened it to anyone for some reason. Kuznetsov just stopped bothering at this point. Even though he was, in fact, super curious about it still.

Egor said the sentence rather sarcastically, even though the whole sentence was true. — “It’s been.. Alright. Better than I thought it would be actually.” — Egor said the sentence rather sarcastically, even though the whole sentence was true. He entered the guest room after his friend. She guided for him to sit at the couch and sat next to him. The table in front of her had a ton of magazines, even some board games. She always loved those. Even though other people told her she’s a grown adult and doesn’t need that much games, she still felt the need to make her life less miserable the most she could do. And it was mostly embracing her childishness. — “And you? I haven’t seen you in a good while, Asya.”

“Oh yea it’s been amazing. I’ve got a good man now.” — Anastasia leaned against the back of the couch and opened a can of Dr. Pepper (when did she get one?). her voice was clearly enthusiastic. Kuznetsov also relaxed – after all, this is the only place where he could feel himself at ease for once. — “Not planning anything much, he just.. Puts up with my weird hobbies? Even participates in them, hell. And he’s not a fucking incel, which is an amazing start already.” — She gestured a lot. Swung her arms from time to time to show how excited or an asshole the person Asya’s talking about is, made grimaces when mocking someone. This time, her hands were quite quiet and her face showed the whole story. She clearly liked him.

“Hm, sure.. What’s his name? So I can beat him up if he’s actually an asshole.” — Egor chuckled. Asya also laughed and nudged the guy, almost spilling her drink on him. Thankfully she didn’t.

“Dude, stop!” — She was clearly flustered and hid her mouth after that and grinned. Egor also caught a small smile on his face. A sweet one. Even for a brief moment.

“Anywho, why are you alone? Where’s your so-called boyfriend?” — Egor asked, getting more comfortable. He put his hands in his hoodie though. He felt quite cold.

“Ah yea! He isn’t there, because I actually wanted to talk to you today.”

“It’s your birthday? Why wouldn’t you like to hang out with everyone on this day?”

“Because nobody actually knows! I just- moved it to, like, 2 days later for everyone.. Haha.” — Anastasia rubbed the back of her neck. Her face was still a faint shade of pink, but it was more of embarrassment now.

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier??” — Egor exclaimed pretty loudly. He was startled. Why would she do that?! Doesn’t she love celebrating her birthday and doesn’t like skipping days? Like, hated doing that.

“Sorry, I just.. Don’t feel like telling anyone else my real birthday. It feels too intimate for a lot of people to know that, y’knowww..?” — Asya giggled, Egor sighed. He wasn’t mad, it was her decision, it just felt overly weird for her to do that. — “I just changed my mind about it? I feel like you knowing is enough, really.”

“Well, okay, sure. You’re sooo secretive you won’t even share your birthday. But why invite me today?”

“Cuz I wanna spend time with my friend? What a dumb question?” — Asya smiled and looked her friend in the eyes. She saw further the stoic and always angry at everything façade.

“Sure. Fine. Okay.” — Egor raised his hands as if he surrendered and rolled his eyes. He acted ‘defeated’, maybe ‘getting over it’. Even though he knew what she saw that he’s actually.. Happy to be someone’s special.

Grace did some more caretaking jobs with pets. With Haze’s help and recommendation, of course. He walked dogs, looked after them over night, checked on different animals for a pay. It brought him a decent amount of money. Enough for being able to take care of himself, for sure. He didn’t forget to eat that often, didn’t have to take Haze’s food from the fridge sometimes (although the guy never minded and actually gave it to Grace, he still felt guilty), Jansen didn’t have to.. Basically, control his whole life?
It's sometimes weird thinking about how Haze really did that. Out of what? What did John do to him that was so helpful? He was never much in this world and probably won’t be. If not Haze, he would’ve still been alone. Maybe even dead. No, not dead. God wouldn’t let him be. But.. He would, no, John is useless. He is not much for this universe. It would’ve been better if he just stayed in his God’s arms.
God, what has he done? He is so dependent on one person. He can’t even pay back. He fears that he will never be able to do that. And it’s possibly the truth. Grace isn’t worthy of his love.

“Oh hey little Carlos..” — Grace’s voice was really quiet and raspy. Also, unexpectedly high. He was talking to a dog he was sitting. He was just a puppy, a stray a family picked up out of kindness. The puppy was very standard looking, brown fur with a little bit of bald spots due to living outside before. He was very quiet, but seemed to like John already. The puppy occasionally jumped next to Grace at the couch when he was watching something either on TV or on his mobile. Carlos liked attention, just not loud one. He liked being pat under his ears. Whenever someone did that, it’s droopy eyes filled with kindness and almost tears of happiness.
Carlos reminded John of himself for some reason. Maybe it’s about being so quiet. Whether it’s this or that, John always felt safe enough to actually talk around Carlos. Quietly, when nobody’s listening. It’s not his first time taking care of him, so they pretty much know each other already. His owners are kind souls that love helping, but they are very busy and can’t look after it sometimes. Usually, it’s them driving to different states from time to time.

“You’re so small..” — John put away his phone and pet the small puppy. Its tail became wagging like crazy – he clearly liked it. John switched his position to slightly more laying one to get comfortable. The pet needed some comfort. Maybe it won’t hurt for Grace to feel some too. He leaned against the side of the couch and brought Carlos a little bit closer next to him. The puppy seemingly liked it, despite the lack of space.

Maybe John isn’t that helpless in life. He has a good way of earning money that also helps animals. He is making good friends. While yes, public transport is very uncomfortable and makes him so uneasy that he always feels like he’s gonna puke there, the way that he depends on other people so much drives him insane, the way that he hasn’t even helped anyone yet making John feel pathetic, the fact that his dreams and past haunt him, this isn’t that bad. He should be grateful for he is free and loved. By God and by his friends.

“So you’re telling me that you’re not addicted to energy drinks?”

“Shut up! It’s just the caffeine; I need it to stay awake and not fall the fuck asleep broad day.”

“Yea, right.. Like I believe you!” — Asya burst into laughing. Egor wanted to curse at her, slam the fucking table and leave, smash the wall, but he didn’t do that. Instead, he quietly continued eating the meal that his best friend ordered him with her own money on her birthday. And that he doesn’t even have a gift.

“Anyways, do I have like.. Go to the party?” — Egor said, still with the pissed off look and no desire to keep up with the conversation.

“For sure! It would be strange if a best friend of mine didn’t attend such event, don’t you think?” — Anastasia chuckled and took a sip of her lemonade. It reminded her of a sushi shop she used to visit back when she was still in Russia. The taste was exactly the same. That’s why she liked this place so much.

“Yea, okay.. And what about the gift? The fuck should I bring to look all ‘nice’ in front of all these fake ass bitches?” — Kuznetsov leaned on his hand and looked into the window as he talked. His movements were still quite rigid, but the look on his face showed how weary he was.

“I don’t even know.” — Vorobyova sighed and leaned against the seat. She looked at her friend. Didn’t even have the energy to be mad at her much. It was pretty dark outside already. And late. — “20 dollars and a Pokémon plush.”

“Like, that’s it?”

“Yep. The 20 dollars is for paying the bills. And the Pokémon.. I don’t even know.. Ugh, it was you who collected those, I think you better deci-“

“You do not mention that. Ever.” — Egor suddenly turned around and slammed the table slightly, looking at her. While she didn’t see his eyes, she felt the gaze still piercing over her. She also tensed up and nervously giggled.

“Okay, okay, sorryyy.. Would you still buy me one?”

“..Sure thing, I guess?”

“I can pay for the taxi.”

“Nah, you don’t have to.”

Silence towering over the two. Egor’s head was awkwardly laying on top of Asya’s while she was looking through some texts and trying to find some reliable taxi. The weather outside was much colder than before, so the light coats and hoodies didn’t work much for warming up. And the best way to warm up is to stay awkwardly close to each other and hug themselves. Well, for the sake of it not being overly weird Kuznetsov just hugged himself and Anastasia held her arms close to her chest.

She was so.. Weird. In her own way. She was secretive of her past and of her inner world. Having a room that nobody will ever see, moving her birthday date. Her past was tough for sure. It doesn’t define her. And Egor respects that. He just really wants to read her open. To see her truly, and not just the way she acts. He does know a lot of her through their struggles. But he feels that it’s not all. She’s hiding from something. And Kuznetsov is curious. And sometimes an asshole.

“..Can I stay at your place?”

“Why?”

“..No reason” — Almost no reason.

“Well, okay!”

Okay, maybe he shouldn’t do that. That’s too fucked up. He just needs.. A break from his roommates, yea. He.. Actually needed that, despite all his other thoughts.

Chapter Text

The weather is going to be quite cold today, judging by the weather apps. And as soon as Haze walked down the stairs and left the building, a cold breeze hit his face and especially eyes. Mist. Well, should’ve expected that. It’s not really a bother, so doesn’t matter much either.
Haze rubbed his eyes and walked to the bus stop. It’s the nearest and the cheapest option to get there, even if it is also the longest. Well, he doesn’t have to hurry. For once in a very long time, Jansen doesn’t have to go anywhere in the Monday morning. Which is unusual for him. Jansen’s friends told him to ‘chill out for once’. Maybe that’s really what he needs? To take a break? Probably, who knows? He needs to try. He’s still got money in his pocket for now, so it won’t be a bother.

Haze looked into the window, his foot tapping the floor. Why? He isn’t that nervous, is he? Haze felt his phone vibrating: a notification, most likely a text by a certain someone.

— “whatcha doing?”

— “I’m in a bus. Heading to that place you suggested”

— “OK cool my friend will be there btw.”

— “That guy that you constantly talk about?”

— “yes he can show you around. he works at a nearby ice rink so he knows this mall pretty well.”

— “I still don’t get why would you hang out at a mall”

— “cmon dont be a party pooper, it has a lot of potential. the food places there are hella good too. we can hop in a cool bar after i come by.”

— “Sure then, I’ll be waiting”

— “ok cya I gtg.”

— “Bye!”

Haze put the phone away and sighed. He looked outside, seeing places he rarely even visited. Jansen has never really explored the city, huh? His life consists of the same cycle of work – home – bar. He got way too comfortable with it to do anything else, really. It wouldn’t be productive to just roam around all the time, right?
But his friends did tell him that working all the time is bad. They’re right, but it’s not like Jansen always works. He rests at a bar and at home.. Sometimes, goes on forums to talk with people on his laptop.
Okay, maybe he is a little bit closed off. It doesn’t bother anyone much nor does it bother Haze himself, though.

The bus stopped at the needed station. A bunch of people left and a bunch of people went in, just the usual. It was quite of a busy place after all, as Jansen remembered. Even though the entrance was a few meters away, Haze still had to make his way through by pushing some people away. And of course, it would be rude to not say ‘sorry’ every single time.
And.. Here he is. A large building filled with a bunch of clothes shops that people visited frequently. Jansen doesn’t really like those: the quality from these places is pretty horrible and it looks cheap. Haze doesn’t need a bunch of clothes either. But whatever, let people wear whatever they want. It’s purely their decision. It did hurt to see very pretty model-looking women in cheap-looking skirts that they can buy for a slightly higher price and way higher quality.
Anyways. A friend, huh? Jansen wonders what he will be like. Who is Noah friends with anyways? Haze didn’t really speak to him at work much, mostly messaged him. Well, he does seem like a nice guy? At least has a lot of advice for Jansen. After all, it was all Noah’s idea. Maybe it will work out, at least Haze hopes it will.

You are expendable. You are not expected to return.

That is what they said at the protocol. Egor doesn't expect anything else either. His choice is between a normal death penalty and.. Death penalty in an unknown facility trying to retrieve some kind of crystal. There’s no turning back either way.
Unknown creatures are after him. He figured where to hide from them: either lockers or rooms. Lockers were probably safer, based on the research Kuznetsov has found and read. It contained of papers, films, various bottles of.. Something in it. He doesn’t remember the word for it exactly. But who cares? They aren't dangerous to him, as from what he knows. Probably aren't anyways. Plus, it’s not like those little bottles say much about this place.
The constant fear covered Egor's mind. His memories feel like a thick layer of fog, and whenever he tried to reach something, it just wasn't clear enough to actually remember it. It was inaccessible. He didn't know what they did to him. But maybe it was better for him? They’ll probably erase his memory after everything too. Or just let Egor die.

Dark rooms are the safest option. The red, dim light showed the way to the right door amongst the many other doors in the room. Egor counted, like, 8 of those doors? Felt like a maze. But on the other side, it isn’t that dangerous here. The dark tall figures disappear as emergency lights start working. He has no real threat here, not a single soul can bother Kuznetso. Great time for a small break.
Kuznetsov figured that it was better if he took his time through the rooms. The more materials he brings, the more Urbanshade will pay him afterwards. Well, if he survives. Which is.. Very unlikely. A lot of people have already died: why should he be the one to survive? Plus, taking it slowly was always the best option.
The other thing that he realized is that they gave him no food nor any water. So, the most rational action would to loot not only for research, but also for snacks. Maybe there could be a protein bar here, a can of soda there. Not the best, fulfilling meals Egor would personally choose, but whatever kept him alive is be alright. It would be too dangerous to roam this place without any strength.

"How the fuck am I supposed to predict what's gonna be next? I'm absolutely fucking alone too.." — Kuznetsov said, sitting down on the floor next to a desk. After some exploring of this place, he found nothing. Not even any water. And it is quite sickening already – he wasn’t able to find anything in a pretty long time and was tired as fuck.
Egor wants to hide under the desk and never come out. Yeah. Would be fucking great. Better to rot under there than get killed by.. Something, someone? What is he even running away from? He’s stuck under kilometers of water. Would've been better if they killed him for whatever he did, actually.
Actually, never mind. About the desk thing. Under there is too small of a space – the main thing that Egor did know about himself is that small spaces make him go insane. Not the best thing to know, huh? Lockers taught him that. It’s sickening for him to sit there for too long.

Egor eventually stood up. It’s better to progress and not sit around for too long, as much as rest was important. He walked further and further, door after door. Checked every possible place that can contain anything. And it was still nothing.
With every door walking felt more and more painful. No, with every step. For some reason Kuznetsov just got more and more tired.
The gear is too heavy. His breathing’s uneven. Every step feels a burden.
The lights suddenly flick. Egor has to hide. The room doesn’t have anywhere to hide other than a singular locker. With a sigh, he rushed to it (more like limped) and waited for another „Angler“ to come by. But the sound is.. Different. And it was taking way too long. Otherwise, Egor jumped in the locker as the sound got too loud.

But it is not another Angler. It’s something else. Something bigger and even more terrifying. The locker started shaking – it’s trying to pry the door open.
He holds back. As much as he can. But it was all pointless. Egor’s too weak it’s genuinely pathetic. The creature finally gets it’s way around.

With a loud pant, Egor fell off the bed, hitting his head against the hard wall and a can of energy drinks. Not fucking again. He sits up with a groan, rubbing on the place he hit the most.
The room seriously needed some cleaning. It was getting too crammed up, which Egor definitely doesn’t like. What time is it? Judging by the view in the windows, it’s surely still morning. Kind of surprising, considering that Kuznetsov usually wakes up at 12 pm.

His head hurts. Drinking ibuprofen and an energy drink didn’t really help. Well, only a little bit.
That fucking dream ruined the whole day for Kuznetsov. He doesn’t even feel like standing up from the bed today. Doomscrolling made everything worse, but staring into the void doesn’t help much either. Nobody’s at the apartment. All Egor could do is stare through the window.
Foggy. Probably cold too. Egor hated that weather before, it always reminded him of when he finally got out of that terrible place. It doesn’t bother him as much now though.
Kuznetsov wondered how Haze was doing for a moment. Actually, no. Fuck that guy. And fuck the fact that fog reminds Egor of him.
Okay, but what about John?

Kuznetsov rolled over on his stomach and groaned into the pillow. He felt lonely for some reason. Maybe he should talk to Asya? No, don’t do that. She sucks at answering texts. Probably busy with her boyfriend anyways.

Haze sat down on the nice couch. Noah is finally back, and the guy that Jansen spent time with earlier left. He wasn’t really the best company. Didn’t listen to Haze much and was on his phone all the time. Well, Haze doesn’t mind the phone, the fact that Alex (that guy) didn’t listen at all did bother Jansen a little bit. It’s as if you’re talking to a wall that nodded from time to time and never answered. Noah didn’t talk about him doing that either, so Haze just figured he wasn’t interested at all.

“So? How are you doing?” — Noah leaned against the table, staring at Haze with a slight smirk. His body seems to be fully relaxed.

“I’m doing relatively alright, thanks for asking.. What about you?” — Haze gave Alex a slight smile to look a little bit more genuine.

“Good too, thanks.” — Spencer leaned against the couch, relaxing fully and crossing his arms. He always looks chill, but right now it’s more like him resting.

“Um..” — Jansen whispered, rubbing the back of his neck with a nervous smile. Noah seems to not be very enthusiastic to lead the conversation. — “Your friend, Alex, is he always like that?”

“Oh, him? Yea, he always looks like that, don’t worry. I can assure you that he listens.”

“Oh! Sure thing then.. It was just a little bit uncomfortable-“

“Oh no-no-no-no, it’s my fault, yea. Sorry.” — Spencer waved his hands and took off the chill expression for a few seconds. Yea, it would’ve been better if he warned Jansen first.

“Don’t worry, I’m not angry, haha.” — Haze brushed it off. He wanted to say another question, before he got interrupted by a waitress asking for their meal. She nicely interluded and asked for their meals. Haze tried not to think about other people’s appearances, as it is rude, but she did look pretty nice too.

The rest of the talk went by alright. Haze was very interested in what Noah was doing today. Seems like he is currently looking for a new job, just like Haze, but he was also looking after his niece today. Judging by his words, she’s very balky and doesn’t like being commended. Like at all. As much as it reminded Haze of Egor, he didn’t word anything about it.

The conversation went along as the both were eating too. The plans to go to a bar already vanished as they decided to talk about their lives and not get drunk tonight. Spencer talked about his family and how he wants to propose to his girlfriend. He talked about their job and the stupidity of their last manager, which Haze slightly agreed to. He wouldn’t call people dumb, though.

Jansen remembered a single specific dialogue during their conversation the most, for some reason.

“By the way, talking about family, my sis mentioned that one of her sons is transgender or something?” — Noah said with a pretty weird expression. Haze doesn’t understand where he’s going with this.

“Oh, um? Good for.. Him? Her?”

“I mean, like, I don’t know. I just wanted to say that I find it dumb, now that it’s a hot topic.” — Spencer leaned against the couch again, looking at the bookshelves in the dining place.

“I mean.. It’s not really a choice from what I know?” — Jansen furrowed, not understanding what this all is going to be about. I mean, sure he’s talking about his nieces and nephews, but this was weirdly specific.

“If it’s not, then why are people only now doing that? God created only 2 genders. You can’t just switch? I don’t know, this is just my opinion.”

“..Sure? Yeah, maybe you’re right.”

Is Haze wrong for thinking about that sometimes? Well, Noah is kind of right. It's wrong and out of nature. But Jansen never really considered that. He thought about it and never minded those people. Hell, becoming a girl would’ve been.. Fun? But he never really considered that. Haze has a life that he’s comfortable with and nothing much was needed. Sure, he has his own moments but it’s.. Okay, even as a man.

But becoming a woman once again would’ve been fun. Especially considering his past life as one, it was definitely.. Something that Haze would’ve wanted to live through.

(if you don’t want to read almost smut then scroll,,, its NONCANON like extremely cuz I tried to put as little spoilers as possible smh)

The air was.. Hot, to say the least. Haze was leaning against the wall on the bed, nowhere to go. Egor pinned the guy down. Even though Jansen couldn't see his eyes, it was clear where Kuznetsov was looking. The gaze was piercing, going right through Haze's eyes and soul. Egor slowly placed his hand on Jansen's cheek, while the other landed on his thigh and squeezed it.

"..This feels better than I expected it to be."

"..Yea?"

"Uh-huh." — Egor leaned in and placed his lips on Haze's once again. The hand on Jansen's thigh squeezed it, while the other slid to the back of his head. It felt ridiculously slow, especially for a guy like Kuznetsov. Haze thought he'd be fast.
Yet it felt good. Better than anything Haze has ever felt, really. This guy definitely knew his way around.

Haze pulled out of it, gasping for some air. He both smelled Egor's scent and felt his body on his own. It was exciting. He practically crushed Jansen, being twice bigger in muscle mass than him. His muscles were basically in a perfect shape. Everything just complemented his.. Everything?

"So that's why you went to gym with me? No fuckin' wonder." — Kuznetsov smirked, grabbing Haze's hand with the one that was on his thigh and then placing it on his own chest, right under the T-shirt he was wearing — "C'mon, I know you want to do that."

And he did. He wanted to do that. For a lot longer than he expected. Both of Haze's hands were now on Egor's physique, exploring it while Egor was staring down at Jansen himself. He didn't do anything yet, just watched.
Haze explored Egor's body as if it was some sort of artifact. Jansen didn't like the word, but couldn't stop thinking about it. Boobs. They were the perfect mass, the muscles really showed up. They weren't exactly soft: they were stiff and tightened, while Egor's heart raced despite the clear expression most of the time.

Jansen slid his hands down and decided to go for another kiss. He was now taking the lead – it was much sloppier than the other one. Haze was much harsher with it, desperately needing the feeling. Egor just followed along, learning his partner's rhythms. Despite them dating (with John also!) for a month now, Kuznetsov didn't really know about how the guy was in bed. And it showed. Seemed like Egor was following up, giving in to the need too.
They both leaned away slightly, catching a breath but still very close to each other. Egor's body was practically brushing against Haze's. He also seemed to be slightly abscent. It lasted for a few seconds before he regained his focus.

"Choke me."

"What?"

"You heard me." — Giving Egor's expression, he was quite surprised to hear that. But it didn't seem like he minded that much. Kuznetsov put his hands on Haze's neck, putting him against the wall further. This was exactly what he needed.

Jansen let out a pleading sound as Kuznetsov leaned into the kiss too. His hands were perfectly fitting on Haze's neck, slightly applying pressure on it. It seemed like the guy knew where to hold too – Haze already felt out of his mind. Or was it another factor that played here? Actually, who cared..

Egor definitely liked teasing Haze. But he couldn't handle it anymore – the pulsation was too stimulating. Especially when Egor practically rubbed against Haze's body from time to time.

"Please.." – Haze basically loudly pleaded Egor now, who was holding Jansen's hands down and nibbling on his neck and slightly down to the chest.

Egor didn't say a thing. Instead, he stopped for a moment before pulling Haze's pants down.

aaaaand the rest is for interpretation i dont want to write direct smut LOL