Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

I hated my life back in my old town. Everything about it made me sick to my stomach. The way they would always force Christianity down each other's throats, they hated anyone who wasn’t Christian. The thing about it, though, was that they didn’t act Christian behind the scenes; they put up a front for everyone they met. The shit they did made me sick. The pastor was a rapist. He was doing things to me ever since I was 9. Everyone knew that he was there; they just didn’t do anything about it. They kept their kids close to them; that's all they did. Before I left to join the Military, I burned down the church with gasoline and a match at night.
I left that morning. “Jack?” I snapped my head up and got off my bed. I walked to the door and opened it to see Will

. “Jack, what have you been doing?
Lieutenant John has been waiting for that paperwork!”
“Shit, I was supposed to turn that in today?"
I shake my head in shame, I let Will into the apartment we share, and I head over to my desk to find that paperwork I needed to give to Lieutenant John. “Jack, I said multiple times to you the week before that we needed to turn that paperwork in.” Will’s voice sounded strict yet disappointed. Wills has always been like that, trying to care for others when he can barely care for himself. He’s damn good at what he does, though. “I just forgot…” I say, I hate going to see the lieutenant. He makes me uncomfortable with the way he stares so intensely at me. Sometimes I think the lieutenant dislikes me, given the harsh punishments he gives me when I make a mistake. “Jack?” “What? I look over at Will. I'm tired, and I think it shows on my face. My sleep schedule is messed up. I'm having trouble falling asleep. I keep getting flashbacks at night when I close my eyes. Will looks at me with smug sympathy, which makes me wanna punch him whenever he looks at me like that.
“You might get your ass kicked today.”
Will snickers slightly, and I roll my eyes at that. “Yeah, I might, I'll see you later.”
I get the paperwork, holding it tightly in my hand as I walk out of the apartment and make my way to the base that's connected to the apartments. This place isn’t the worst. I like the military. It felt like the best option I had back then anyway, since I didn't have anywhere else to go after I left my family. I enter the base and walk all the way down the dimly lit hallway and turn right to go up the stairs. I'm taking my sweet time because who wants to see the lieutenant on their day off? I turn right and look at the tall door and at the name on the glass window on the door.

“Lieutenant John." Raising my fist, I hesitate a moment, weighing my options if I don't turn in this paperwork…I’m snapped out of my daze when the door suddenly opens and I see a short blond-headed woman coming out the door. I move so she can get out the door. I look at her as she walks down the hall. She was wearing a uniform like mine. I turn my focus away from the woman, and I go into the Lieutenant’s office. “Lieutenant John?" I walk into the office to see John, his black hat on and his black uniform…he lifts his head to look at me, his dark blue eyes meet my brown eyes. He sits up straight, and he gestures for me to sit down in front of his desk. I sit down and look at the paperwork in my hand for a moment before handing it to him.
“This is late.”
He says lowly, and he looks at me in my eyes just as he always does. I shift slightly in my seat while I make eye contact with him as well.
“I'm sorry, sir, I didn’t realize I had to turn it in today. I thought it was tomorrow.”
My voice is cracking up a little from yelling so much the other day at practice.
“All that matters is that you turned it in.”
He looks over my paperwork, and my heart races slightly in my chest. I don't know why, but my hands are getting sweaty as well. I look at him and look at my paperwork in his hands…
“Jack?”
“Yes, sir?”
“Have you been getting enough sleep?”
My eyes slightly narrow. Why would he care? He never asked me things like that before. I swallowed hard before answering.
“I'm having trouble going to sleep lately, sir.”
“Do you take any medication?”
He asked me, My jaw slightly tenses up…I haven’t taken medication since I was 15, and that was for depression, anxiety, and sleep. “No, sir, I don’t,” I answer back, trying to keep my voice calm, I notice the lieutenant looking over my face…shit, he knows I'm uncomfortable.
“Maybe you should look into some.” He says his voice is stern, he pauses, then speaks again.
“Are you okay?”
My eyes soften a little, and I'm resisting telling him anything…I'm scared to tell him anything about myself or what I'm dealing with.
“I'm fine, sir, thank you for asking.”
“If you need anything…”
I watch as he stands up, I look over at him slightly in his uniform…I sit up now, too nervous to be sitting down when he's around me. He’s taller than me, about 6’6…I'm only 6’0. I felt him right next to my shoulder, and he put his hand on my shoulder for a moment. He continues…
“Just come to me, okay?”
I feel a shiver go up my spine, I kinda feel his breath on my ear. It makes me slightly close my eyes. I know he’s just trying to make me feel comfortable, but I can't help but feel intimidated and scared of him. I look over at him and nod slightly. He smiles a little at me before taking his hand off my shoulder and walking out of his office. I follow behind him and watch as he walks down the long hallway and then down the stairs. I look down at my pants to see that I have a boner… Jack, pull yourself together. God, what am I even doing?

I walk down the long hallway and down the stairs, and before I turn the corner, I look over to see Lieutenant John and that blond woman from earlier…Kissing…In the empty hallway. My gut churns knowing I have to walk past them…Fuck it, I don’t care, I walk down the hallway trying not to look at them kissing. Just as I sneak a slight look, I notice John slightly looking over at me while kissing the woman, his dark blue eyes low and soft. I make it back to the apartment, unlocking it with the key I keep in my pocket.
“Will?”
He's not here yet…I go into my room, go to my closet, and take off my clothes, leaving my boxers on. I go over to my mirror to look at myself. I flex a little in my mirror, looking at my blond hair…I need a haircut really badly. I haven't cut it in 5 months. It's almost to my shoulders. I get in bed and I feel the throbbing in my boxers. It's almost too much to bear right now. I slide my hand down my abs and into my boxers. Grabbing ahold of my cock I start jacking myself off thinking of nothing…fuck I shouldn’t be doing this. I tug at myself faster when I feel that familiar feel of heat pooling in my stomach…I let my thumb on the swollen tip of my cock for a moment, and then I continue to stroke my cock harder and faster until I explode all over my hand…I take my hand out of my boxers and wipe my hand off on the side of the bed and I feel my eyes lower…And for the first time this month I fall asleep.

Chapter Text

I open my eyes, I don’t even wanna get out of bed today I look over at my clock reading at 0600. I get up and stretch and I look down at myself, my abs and then my boxers. Why’d i do that last night…I exit my room now and I walk into the bathroom, I already figured that will came home already…I lock the door behind me and I pull down my boxer’s feeling the air hit my lower body. I open the shower curtain and I turn on the shower, turning it slightly hot.
I look at the mirror at myself looking into my reflection at the scar on my neck from one of my missions, then at my pierced ears that have no earrings in because we aren’t allowed to wear jewelry in the military. I finally step in the shower feeling the hot water run over my body, It stings. I look down at the cut on my arm that I didn’t tend to from accidentally scraping myself on something. I think about the lieutenant for some reason and then about will, Wills has been my friend ever since I got to the military. We went to bootcamp together and both got sent to fort empress. I turn off the shower and step out of it, getting a towel and wrapping it around my waist. I pick up my dirty boxers and open up the bathroom door making it back to my room. I get dressed in my uniform and go over to the mirror looking at my hair, getting out some hair pomade and doing it so it doesn’t look so long. I put on some cologne and then grabbing my keys from my dresser, walk to the door I open it and walk out of my room.
“Jack, what happened with the lieutenant?”
I noticed how Will was already ready for the day…
“It wasn’t bad, he was surprisingly nice.”
Will nodded and he spoke up again.
“Lets get some breakfast at the hall yeah?”
I haven’t gotten breakfast at the hall in a hell of a minute but now that I think about it more the more I wanna go.
“Sure.”
Me and Will walk out of our apartment heading to the hall to get breakfast. I look at the hallways lined with pictures of history as well as some of our military higher officers. We make it to the hall and we get in line to get some food. As I get my food I look around for a moment and I see that blonde woman from yesterday. My eyes narrow a little and I try to see her rank on her uniform, however the blond woman notices me staring and glares at me. I take my gaze off of her and I go with will to sit down at a table.
“I saw you eyeing that blondy.”
Will teases me, I scoff and look at Will. taking a bite of my eggs.
“She’s hot isn’t she?”
“Not really, she's not my type.”
I say, Will notices how tense I am and he leaves me alone about the subject now. I’m almost done with my food when I see almost all the lieutenants walk into the hall, almost choking on my food. Will seems a little shocked as well when he sees the lieutenants walk in, then at me noticing me almost choking.
“Hey you okay?”
Will asks me lowly so the lieutenants don’t hear, I nod I scan the lieutenants I know all of them…Casey Blackwood, Chris Taylor, John Caswell, and Lyanna Marie. I notice how they look around the room at the privates and then I hear Lieutenant John speak up in his deep rough voice.
“Jack Fausett.”
My eyes widen, I hear my heart almost stop, Will looks extremely nervous for me. I look at Will. My hands start sweating. I look over  at all the Lieutenants. Everyone in the hall is looking at me. I stand up and make my way towards the lieutenants. I look at Lieutenant John first, his eyes meet mine, his eyes soften just a little. Lieutenant Casey speaks up.
“Private Jack, come with us please.”
I nod and walk with the lieutenants…I look at the two lieutenants on the side of me and one in front of me…which was John. What the hell is going on? I didn't do anything. We finally make it to one of the other Lieutenants' offices and I walk in with them. Casey sits down in her chair and the other Lieutenants off to the side. I sat down in front of her desk.
“Jack, me and the other Lieutenants want to offer you something, because you’ve proven yourself within your time here.”
My eyes lower slightly. I'm still extremely nervous, I sit straight in my chair looking at lieutenant Casey.
“A raise, and as well a private mission…we want you to go onto the next rank.”
Lieutenant Casey speaks softly and puts her hands on her desk, I look over slightly and see lieutenant john looking at me already I immediately look away and back at Casey.
“I accept.”
Casey nods and as well as the other lieutenants, they excuse me from the room. I stand up and make my leave. Me of all of the others? What's going on? I shake my head and walk down the hallways not even bothering to go back to the hall, I don’t want any confrontation right now. I freeze when I feel a hand on my shoulder. I crane my head back just to see Lieutenant John.
“Jack, I was the one who put that in for you to get a higher rank.”
He says calmly and looks at me looking at me in my eyes. I widen a little and I look at him. I try to get out of his grasp slightly but he's holding me so tight with one hand.
“Why?”
I ask my voice low and rough.
“Because you deserve it Jack, I see it the way you work and everything this past month you've been putting in some good work.”
I look at him, my heart is racing in my chest. I'm praying he doesn’t hear my how loud my heart is beating right now.
“T-Thank you sir.”
I say trying to keep my voice from breaking from being so close to him, I'm intimated by him so much. I notice John's eyes lower slightly to my pants, I escape his grasp.
“I have to go to morning practice sir.”
I nod and he looks back up at my eyes, and he nods.
“Alright.”
I start speed walking off at this point I make it to morning practice, finishing it and going back to work with the others trying to forget about how lieutenant john saw my boner from him just simply touching me. Why the hell am I getting bricked up because of him of all people. 

Chapter Text

My body feels like it’s on fire against Ashley's. I pant as I thrust myself into her deeper. She’s gripping my shoulder blades. I feel her break my skin with her nails.
“God…”
I mutter under my breath that I have her up against my king-sized mattress. I feel her walls clench against me, signaling that she’s gonna cum soon. My cock twitches in her, I run my hand through her blond hair, My eyes start tricking me as I see her hair go shorter for a moment because of the amount of pleasure. I look down at her, moaning and closing her eyes tightly when she finally cums, her body tenses up against mine. What's happening with my vision?
“John, you're amazing…”
I listen to Ashley speak and I pull out of her now sitting up off the bed, My eyes go to her eyes.
“So are you…Ash.”
I speak my voice filled with unexpected emotion, I make my way to my bathroom and clean myself up. I hear Ashley walk around in my room, probably getting dressed. I look up at the mirror for a moment as I look at myself I see that my eyes are slightly red. I look back down and wash my hands, then I exit the bathroom to get my clothes back on from my closet. I start getting dressed in my uniform and I feel Ashley's hand on my back for a moment. I look back at her, my eyes narrow slightly.
“Yeah ash?”
“I need to ask you something.”
“What is it?”
“It's about Jack.”
My gaze hardens a little when she mentions Jack. I smooth out the ruffles on the sleeves of my uniform. I look back up at her eyes, seeing how soft and comforting. I stare hard at her. I don’t like talking too much about Jack.
“What about him?”
“I noticed him staring at me in the hall a little too hard. Did you tell him about us?”
I turn around and find my hat in the closet and put it on, feeling her hand fall away from my back. I don’t really miss her hand on my back.
“No, I think he must have figured it out already.”
I am trying to dismiss the topic of Jack. That private is something else; he’s different. Why is this so hard to talk about? I speak up, though again out of pure curiosity.
“Why bring it up?”
“Well, he seems to always look at you.”
“He’s just scared of me…I need to go, Ash. I’ll see you at the base.”
I dismiss Ashley, and I walk out of my big apartment, heading down to the base. I walk with pride, walking down the familiar hallway, my attention wanders when I look outside to see the privates doing morning practice. To my surprise, I see that Jack isn’t at morning practice. I turn my head away from the window and walk up the stairs, going to my office. I reach my office and I walk in, shutting the door behind me. I walk behind my desk to open the window looking over the base, and the morning practice.
I sit down in my chair and I pull out a file from the small cabinet next to my desk. I look over some of the privates files finally landing on Jacks. I read over it, seeing that he has had a series of mental health issues, getting him in trouble with his past instructors. I'm impressed he hasn’t been kicked out yet, well after seeing his work and strength, I could see why no one kicked him out. I find myself staring at his picture for a moment before closing it and putting it back with the other privates. I find myself thinking about Jack's mission of sending him on in a month, going to another base to get the proper things to go on the mission with some of the professionals.
I try to shake the thought out of my head. Why the hell am I thinking of him right now? I look at the window for a moment, shaken out of my thinking, when I hear someone knock at my door.
“Come in.”
I see Casey come in, and I straighten up a little.
“Yes?”
“It's about Jack.”
Why is everything about him lately?
“This mission is gonna be risky, I looked into it.”
I listen as Casey speaks about it seriously.
“I think he can handle it.”
I nod at Casey, trying to sound reassuring to her.
“He’s dealing with a pretty bad gang in the Midwest, are you-”
“Casey, I’m sure…He can handle it.”
I say sternly, my eyes stare into the other lieutenant’s eyes. Casey nods, and she goes silent for a moment.
He can handle this…Can he? 

Chapter Text

I slowly open my eyes feeling the weight of stress in my stomach again. The past few days have been hard on me. I had to skip morning practice to go to this special training for the mission I'm going on in a month to get up in my rank. The lieutenants are insisting on me going. I haven't seen John in awhile due to the amount of training I'm going through. This new training seems like torture almost, I feel like im reaching my breaking point.
I sit up from my bed running my hands through my now short hair from getting a haircut. It feels weird to not run my fingers through my hair anymore. I stand up going to my closet getting my new uniform, that's a dark black with some purple stripes. I put it on feeling the familiar fabric touch my skin I sigh. I look over to my clock and I realize I have to go to my training now. I don’t even say goodbye to Will anymore; I'm too tired to even do that anymore. I head out the door and I walk to the base walking down the hallway. It seems longer and longer lately.
I walk outside of the base out to the back building to see my training instructor. I look up at the sky for a moment seeing the snow fall now I feel some fall on my face, I close my eyes for a moment then I walk into the Building to see my instructor talking with someone.
Lieutenant John!? What the hell is he doing here!? I walk closer to my instructor now and then I notice their conversation halts to a stop when I get closer to them, Their gazes land on me now.
“Jack, You don’t mind if I sit in on this practice do you?”
I look at lieutenant john speak to me, My eyes narrow a little feeling my gut churn at his words I hated this. I hated when he monitored the privates including myself at morning practice back then. I have a feeling I'm going to hate this even more. My instructor for my training notices my eyes narrowing a little. I look at my instructor for a moment seeing that glare in his eyes. I look at lieutenant John now I nod and I speak up.
“No sir, I don't mind.”
“Great, let's begin.”
My Instructor says in a commanding tone my eyes wander around the room for a moment. I finally begin the training again…My body aches after doing so many push ups, and pull ups on the bar. I was lifting weights almost my body weight. I don’t look over at Lieutenant John. I can't bear to see his dark blue eyes on me right now, they're both staring at me collecting notes on how my body moves.
“Alright next, I’m gonna have you run 3 miles.”
My head cocks over to my instructor. I manage a nod, I sit down the weight I'm lifting and stand up going to the room where they keep everything I need to run. As I walk into the room I overhear Lieutenant John and my instructor talking about my progress and how I'm doing overall.
“I don’t know if he should really be doing this mission.”
My instructor says lowly, but I can still hear them talk.
“Why?”
“His mental health records says he doesn’t handle that much violence well, and well I see how aggressive he gets when he does anything resolving in fighting. He could kill something or someone, John.”
I listen in on the conversation while I’m still getting a water bottle out of the fridge of the room right now.
“He’s not gonna be alone, he’s going with a team…Ill have my close colleague Ashley who’s also going on this mission monitor him.”
Who’s Ashley? I walk out of the room now, they stop the conversation and they follow me outside out to the track. Lieutenant john and my instructor look up at the sky, noticing it’s lightly snowing. My instructor looks at me and speaks up.
“Its snowing slightly, You’ll be okay right?”
I nod and I take a swig of my water, we all walk to the track and I get set up. I look over at my instructor pull out his stop watch I look ahead at the track now.
“Begin.”
My instructor says, and I start off…I’m a pretty fast runner, I feel the snowflakes hit my cheek like the coldness while I run. By the 2 mile my lungs feel like they're on fire. I look to the right of the track seeing fire and a person with robes on? No no…I'm hallucinating again.
I suddenly stop on the track, my breathing uneven. I look at the fire. I'm hallucinating again and the person in robes comes closer to me. My vision gets blurry, I feel dizzy and weak in the knees.
“Jack!?”
Lieutenant John calls out nervously to me…I don’t look over him to be enticed by that fire. I start to wobble a little and eventually I black out, and fall face first on the track.

I almost jump up from the bed I'm laying on when suddenly I feel a hand on my chest pushing me back down. It's a nurse who looks at me sternly yet softly.
“It's okay, you just passed out.”
“What?”
My body goes cold for some reason, I look over at the door opening and I see Lieutenant John come into the room, I sit up on the bed now and I look over at him with my eyes wide.
“Jack…What happened?”
“I passed out.”
“I know what happened Jack, I’m asking why that happened.”
I look at him in his dark blue eyes, his eyes slightly soften…I notice how he looks slightly disheveled. I see how his uniform isn’t as nice as it was when I was running.
“Have you been overworking yourself?”
He says commanding an answer from me, I sense the tone in his voice I lower my eyes from his gaze. I nod.
“God dammit jack…I don’t understand why.”
“Im sorry sir…I-”
“Jack stop…I had to carry you back here. I need you to take a break. Do you hear me Private!? Your gonna end up killing yourself!”
He almost yells at me…I’ve always been scared of him but for some reason right now. I'll feel warmth in my chest…that he cares enough about me My heart races in my chest. His eyes meet mine, his eyes soften and for the first time I see something else in those dark blue eyes towards me…Confusion, and love.
“I will sir, I promise I will.” 

Chapter Text

It's been a week since I've seen Jack, after what happened at the track. It seems like he’s been avoiding me, only talking to me when he has to. I see the look in his eyes everytime he looks at me now he’s…Conflicted. I walk outside off to the side of the base, I down to see the snow sticking to the ground now. I reach into my pocket jacket and I grab my pack of cigarettes that I shouldn't even be smoking. Who cares no one around anyway. I get my lighter and I light up my cigarette leaning against the wall. I take a drag of my cigarette, and I look over at the darkness surrounding me except for the dim light shining down on the spot im at. I sigh looking at my breath in the air now as well as the spoke of my cigarette.
God? What am I even doing? I need some guidance here. There’s always that small spot of doubt in my brain that defies god. But I can’t imagine never not believing in god. It's a part of me in some way. I smoke the rest of my cigarette before going back to the base. I flick the cigarette and step on it burring in the snow, and I walk back to the base. I walk through the hallway. I can't stop thinking I look around the corner to walk up the stairs. Just as I’m about to reach the top of the stairs to turn to walk to the next hallway to go to my office I feel someone hit my chest.
Jack? I watch as he jumps back from me and looks up at me. My eyes narrow a little as I stare down at him.
“Sir, I was looking for you.”
That surprised me, and here I thought he was avoiding me.
“Yes?”
“I need to talk to you about something.”
I nod and I walk to my office with him, despite what I feel I still have to be Jack's Lieutenant. We both walk into my office and we sit down in our chairs. I look at him calmly, trying not to let any emotion on my face show. Jack speaks up in a raspy voice from the yelling he’s done…I can tell he’s tired.
“I heard I’m going with a team on this mission, is that correct?”
“Yes that's right, why?”
“I was just wondering how many people are gonna be on the team.”
“Only 7.”
Jack nodded. I notice his face slightly calming down now his jaw releases the tension in it. I see him struggling to speak up a little now. It makes me smile a little and I speak up again.
“Are you okay?”
Jack's eyes met mine now, I notice that confliction in them disappears now, replaced with…softness.
“Yeah, Just tired.”
“I can tell.”
Jack put his arms on my desk slightly, I noticed how he was getting comfortable. I let him do that small gesture.
“Jack?”
I ask, I notice how his eyes snap back up to mine now, it makes me smile slightly. I know he sees my smile. Jack seemed shocked to see me smile…I couldn’t blame him he hasn’t seen me smile like this before.
“Yes sir?”
“Are you scared of me?”
Jack stiffened a little when he heard me say that. He looks embarrassed now I watch as his fingers mess with the buttons on the sleeve of his uniform.
“You can be honest with me.”
Jack nods a little in embarrassment.
“I am, a little sir.”
I laugh slightly…
“I knew you were, every time you are around me you seem to shut down almost.”
I stand up from my desk and I make my way to where Jack is sitting. I notice how he stands up as well. He's so nervous it almost makes me laugh again. I walk in front of him looking down at him, he looks up at me slightly.
“Sir?”
He says quietly wondering what im doing.
“Jack, you don’t need to be afraid of me, I'm just here to help you.”
He nods slightly and he looks up a little. I watch his face slightly soften for some reason, and then I realize why.
“Sorry, I know I smell like cigarettes.”
Jack shakes his head, his eyes on the floor for a moment then going back up to mine.
“It's fine…I like the smell.”
He says that last part quietly but I can still hear him. I chuckle slightly and he looks up at me with both his head and eyes.
“Do you? Most people hate the smell…This probably makes me seem not like a lieutenant  for smoking.”
“I don’t see you as less.”
My eyes soften slightly, I feel my heart start racing in my chest. Why am I feeling like this? I smile slightly, I watch Jack crack a small smile back at me. I feel my face automatically lean down slightly, I watch Jack's eyes widen slightly but he stays still…Then he leans his head to the side and leans in. I close my eyes and then…
We kiss, I feel him put my hand on my face, I put my hand on his arm.
“John!?”
I break the kiss in a daze, I feel Jack pull away as well taking his hand off my face I take my hand off jack’s arm. I start panicking. I take a step away from Jack and turn my head to the side just to see Ashley standing there. I watch Jack’s eyes widen slightly at the sight of the blond I knew that he knew who Ashley was now. He saw me kissing her that one day.
“He came onto me!”
I stutter out in an accusing voice to Ashley. Jack snaps his head to me..His brown eyes widen a little I see the hurt in them. I watch him walk right past Ashely. I almost want to call out to him to tell him to come back. I look at Ashley now.
“That faggot came onto you?”
My eyes darken with hate at that word she just said.
“Yes but, don’t ever say that fucking word again.”
Ashley knew the seriousness in my voice and nodded her eyes dropping from me now.
I'm sorry jack. 

Chapter Text

I walk to the huge tent that everyone's in. I look over at my teammates, my eyes narrowing as I see Ashley staring at me. I turn my gaze away from her and go to my side of the tent sitting down on my cot. I pick up my gun then I examine it making sure it’s not dirty or anything checking to make sure nothing's clogged in my gun. I take my time with my gun, my eyes slowly go up from my gun to the person that approached me. It was Ashley, My jaw tenses a little and I set my gun to the side of me looking at her waiting for her to say something.
“Jack?”
“What?”
I hiss out looking at her. I feel extremely tense right now. Why the hell is this bitch talking to me?
“I came to say sorry.”
I look into her bright blue eyes looking for unseriousness or joking but I don’t see it. I raise my eyebrow not believing her at all.
“Yeah?”
I scoff, and then I sit up grabbing my gun next to me. Ashley’s eyes narrow a little when I grab my gun.
“Why are you apologizing to me?”
I look down at her, I tower over her somewhere in the back of my mind tells me that it's an advantage. I watch as she gives up and finally admits to me why she’s apologizing to me.
“Because Lieutenant John has asked me to keep an eye on you.”
“Why the hell would he do that!? Im not a fucking child I don’t need you or john keeping tabs on me.”
She tries to say something to me but I raise my hand. I don't want to even hear what she wants to say to me. I walk out of the large tent and out into the snow feeling the cold sting my face. I have a heavy coat on and pants as well as my combat boots. I walk up the hill that's next to our tent needing some time alone. I hike up the hill looking at the trees and how they're covered in beautiful white snow. I trudge up the hill watching as a snowy owl flies by me, I make it to the spot I want and look over the mountains and trees in the snow. I breathe out looking at my breath in the wind. I grimace a little as I recall what happened back at Fort Empress. My eyes wander the trees, finding something odd hanging on one of the tree branches. It's a grey cloth. I walk closer to that tree and I take the cloth. I feel something get on my hands. I scrunch up my nose dropping the cloth in the snow looking at my hand. It had blood on it and I started panicking slightly. I picked up the cloth again, turning it around and seeing the blood on it, I crouched down, getting some snow on my hand that had blood on it trying to wash it off. I put the cloth in the snow watching the snow get bloody and I look over the cloth again looking at the words written underneath the blood.
“This snowfall, I pledged to my leader I will beat them. My leader, this is for you, please take this blood as my devotion to you.”


I almost threw up after reading the words realizing this person cut themselves and let it bleed onto this cloth. I throw the cloth down the mountain and try to rid my hands of the blood in the snow. Then I realize if the blood was able to get on my hands this was just barely done by someone. I get my gun off my back and stand back up looking around for anything, then in the snow looking at the footprints leading further up the hill.
I shouldn’t go alone, I walk back down the hill and to the tent getting Will to go with me up the hill.
“Whats wrong?”
“I found something, I got blood on me. I think our enemy team is here.”
We walk up the hill going up all the way to the top. I noticed Will looking at the spot where I was at with the blood in the snow. I see how he’s getting nervous. I take my eyes off him now my gaze hardens as I feel the cold wind hit me. We finally make it up the Hill and I see someone with almost nothing on. I look over at Will now noticing him staring at the person we both stay quiet. I look back at the person watching them raise a knife. I see Will’s eyes widen and I look at the person. I feel sick. I watch Will go pale. The person just sliced their neck open going on their knees and falling over on the knife I see as the knife goes through their stomach making the snow under them go a dark red.
“What the fuck!”
I see Will almost throw up in a state of panic.
“We gotta get the fuck out of here.”
I hold onto Will's arm making sure he’s okay and doesn’t fall over because of the shock. We almost ran down the hill making it back to the big tent.
I feel the warmth hit my skin and I escort Will to his cot, and then I go to mine trying to process what I just saw. I take off my coat and sit down on my cot. I think I just saw someone sacrifice themselves to their leader. I overhear Ashley and another team member talk about how the lieutenants are coming next week to check on us to see how we are doing. I shake my head and look down trying to soothe my stomach from seeing that gruesome scene. I don’t want to see John's stupidly handsome face right now after what he did. All I remember is that I cried after that in all of my years I've lived ive never felt that upset after someone calling me a Faggot.
I heard Will threw up but that didn’t help me at all. I look at the team and how they all seem to be tense. Something's gonna happen I just don't know what yet.

It’s late at night when I hear someone go out of the tent. I get up from my cot, making sure the person’s okay. I get my coat on and my shoes and I walk out trying to not make noise. I hear as they go around to the back of the tent. I walk halfway just to hear Ashley's voice speaking into her phone. She's not even supposed to have it on this mission. I hear the other voice on the phone. It's John…I hate to admit it but I longed to hear his voice.
“I miss you john”
I hear Ashley say, It makes me wanna punch her teeth out.
“Jack-...”
I hear the lieutenant mistake Ashley for me, My heart stops for a moment.
“Excuse me?”
“I'm sorry ash…I'm just worried about him.”
“Why him and not me?
“It's different ash, I'm worried about you too. I just don’t want him to hurt himself.”
“I told you he’s okay.”
“I know..I gotta go, I'll see you in a week.”
I hear Ashley let out a slight sob, as he hangs up. I feel sorry for her in a way, knowing that the lieutenant doesn’t seem to care for her that much. But I feel like he’s changing up on me. Just maybe he loves me too. 

Chapter Text

When I wake up, my body feels stiff as I sit up on my cot. I notice how the others aren’t awake yet I'm usually the first one awake anyways. I let my gaze wander around the huge tent at will for a moment making sure he didn’t choke on his vomit last night. I look away from Will and then I stand up stretching a little. I roll my shoulders back and I put the cover over my side of my tent so they can’t see me while I change. I slip into my bulky uniform for the snow making sure everything looks nice and then I put my hat on for my uniform.
I take down my cover and I grab my gun. I feel attached to my gun in a way. I hold on tight to it remembering how the lieutenant’s are coming to check on us up here. We’ve been staying up here for almost 2 months now waiting for signs of the enemy. I was planning to tell our lead in our force about the cloth and the man killing himself but, I feel like that would cause panic. I look over at Will waking up and slightly coughing my eyes narrow as I look away to see Ashley waking up.
“Will…”
I say lowly to him as he was waking up.
“What Jack?”
“Im gonna head out I'm gonna start looking for signs.”
“Okay.”
I head out of the tent not bothering to tell the others. I put my gun on my back in the carrier. I start walking downhill because I refuse to go back uphill alone because of what happened yesterday. I hear my footsteps crunching in the snow loudly. I look around my surroundings and I take in the trees. I make it down to slightly flat land. I turn right and keep walking, noticing a small trail leading off the trail I'm on. I decide to walk down that small path and I suddenly remember a dark memory. I was only 14 and I was in my old town. It was a cold and dark day. I was walking towards the church opening the doors seeing the boy I knew very well in church that I would consider him my friend. I sat down next to him on the pews and I noticed him crying. I asked him what was wrong and he only told me. “Why do only bad things happen to me?” I look down at his pants, noticing the dry cum stains on his pants. I remember clutching my fists in anger realizing what had happened he was shivering. I tried helping him to do anything to see him once again. He died from HIV that next year. 
I grimace at remembering that. I walk down the small path seeing a small barn. I furrow my eyebrows and walk closer to the small barn trying to make my footsteps more quiet. I get close to the barn and I put my back against the barn slightly looking into the window. I go pale to see the enemy team in the small barn. I see them cutting off someone's head, the blood exploding from the poor man's neck. The screams were unbearable almost.
I watch it horror as I faintly hear someone talk about what to do with the body. I feel my heart drop when I feel someone's hand on my shoulder. I turn my head slightly just to see lieutenant John. They really came that early. I feel my blood rising a little.
“Jack…”
He speaks lowering his head to be right by my ear. I shake my head a little and I lean back from him.
“Now’s not the time…The enemy team is in here.”
I watch as John's expression turns serious and he slightly moves me out of the way to look in slightly just to see the same gruesome sight I saw. He backs up from the window and we have a silent agreement to leave the scene.
“Ill tell the others.”
John says sickly, while walking fast with me back to our campsite. I look at him while we walk for a moment. I see his stern expression and his dark blue eyes. I almost want to reach out and hold his hand, but I restrain myself and my feelings towards him must be misdirected. No matter how much I love John I know I can’t be with besides he was the one who kissed me…I'm not even that gay. I look away from John and I notice John looking at me for a moment we reach the campsite now and I watch as John immediately go find our instructor about the enemy team.
I sigh and I walk into the tent going to Will making sure he’s alright. In the corner of my eye I notice Ashley eyeing John. I look at Will and I start talking about what happened and what I saw back at that barn.
It was about midnight when I felt sick from staying in the tent and I went outside the tent walking into the snow with my boots. I look up at the sky looking at the bright stars in the sky. I hear soft voices coming from behind a huge tree. I recognize the voices. It’s Ashley's and John's. I move my eyes to the tree watching it for a moment before leading my eyes back up to the sky. I hear kissing. I clench my fists and I slightly walk behind another tree far away from them. I hear Ashley leave John and go back into the tent. I slightly look over noticing John coming back from the tree, and he looks conflicted.
I bite my tongue slightly realizing I'm gonna have to face him when I go back into the tent anyways. I walk away from the tree I’m behind trying to act like I didn’t see him. I hear John's soft voice stopping me when he says my name. I look over at him and raise my eyebrow.
“Jack…I need to tell you I'm sorry.”
I walk closer to him and I remain a respectful distance.
“You don’t need to apologize. I know what you have been doing. It's nice that you care for me but you're overdoing it Sir.”
He stares at me, I look at his face, it's overwhelming me right now looking into his eyes.
“I’m just doing what the paper tells me, Jack.”
I notice his cross slightly coming out of his uniform. I speak harshly now.
“I figured sir, you can’t handle not following rules in books either.”
His eyes widen slightly hearing my words I feel a slight feeling of satisfaction. He stares at me, his gaze hardens a little looking at me.
“Jack, that's disrespectful.”
He says seriously, I scoff and I look at his dark blue eyes.
“Maybe you should tell that to Ashley instead of me.”
He takes a step closer to me being serious.
“You’ve got a smart mouth don’t you Jack?”
I look up at him slightly remembering his punishments he would give me just in this moment.
“It explains a lot sir, sorry for kissing you back.”
I dismiss him and leave him standing in the snow and I walk back into the tent and I get ready for bed. I lay down in my cot. I hated John right now…I hated how I loved him. How he was so religious it almost made me wanna cry. I close my eyes and let sleep succumb to me. I dream of being in my old town with that boy and staring at the stars together, I saved him.

Chapter Text

I woke up to my team panicking. I sit up almost immediately and I look over at Will, I realize that he’s not in his cot. I get up off my cot and I look at everyone and how they're rushing to get dressed. I do the same pulling over the curtain of my small space getting undressed and into my uniform. I finish getting ready and I look around for Will around the tent, I notice my teammate Issac coming  to me. He seems stressed out and worried I feel dread coming over me.
“Jack, have you seen William? He told me he was leaving last night but I didn't question it. He hasn’t been back since.”
“Wait, are you telling me he’s MIA?”
Issac’s face turns a little and he nods grimly. I feel my gun cutting into my skin from how tightly I'm holding it.
“So what now? Is the whole team going to look for him?”
Issac seems uncomfortable right now. I notice how tense he is right now.
“I don’t know yet, the instructor hasn’t said anything about it.”
“What..?”
I say my voice breaking with anger. If it was anyone else they would immediately go looking for them. I hate this team. Sure Will was loud and pushy but he did everything he was told to do? I don’t get it. Will cared so much about others, why didn’t they care for him?
I try calming myself right now trying to talk to Issac.
“Are the lieutenants still here?”
Issac looks over at Ashley for a moment, I notice that very well.
“Yes they are, but their busy,”
Why the hell is everyone so secretive here?
I stare at Isaac and then nod.
“Alright.”
I walk away from Isaac now and I go and get my coat on and my hat. I start walking out of the tent. I look over at Ashley for a moment. She stares at me with guilt or maybe pity. I don't care to look at her anymore. I walk out of the tent and I stare out looking at the snow around me and how the snow has so many footprints on the ground. I put my rifle on my carrier and I started walking down the same path to the barn just like I did yesterday. My head feels fuzzy with anger right now. I hear someone call out my name. I ignore it and keep walking. I hear footsteps behind me as they get closer I almost want to start running. I see the run down barn again and I start almost sprinting to it.
“Jack stop!”
I recognize that deep and cold voice, I turn around to see Lieutenant john he’s right behind me I look up at him slightly. He looks down at me, his eyes narrowing.
“Don’t go in there Jack you don’t wanna see what's in there.”
I almost scoff and his attempt to try to stop me, I grab the barn door. He grabs my hand. His hand is warm despite the weather.
“Let go of me John.”
“Jack please.”
I break out of his grip and push the barn door open rushing in. I look around at all the blood on the wall. I almost threw up and I trudged in there looking at all the bodies noticing how the enemy team was gone. I hear John coming behind me now I start into a separate part of the barn. I see a door, a brown door I walk closer to it my heart pounding in my chest I hear low moans coming from behind the door. I walk closer, my hand shaking a little as I grab the handle and push going into the room, I get my flashlight out of my coat and shine it in the room.
Will was sitting up against the wall, his blood on the floor, his head down. I looked at all the cuts on his body and his hand was almost off his arm. He was so badly injured He reeked of metallic blood I let out a small sob.
“Will!”
I go to his side and I sit down in front of him tilting his head up to look at me. He had a black eye and a cut on his jaw as well as his nose bleeding.
“Jack.”
I hear John's cold voice from behind me, my hairs standing on my arms now. I look behind me at him now, my eyes stinging at me trying not to cry.
“Jack, I told you not to come in here.”
“What the fuck happened to him!”
I almost yell out…I look back at Will ripping a piece of his shirt off to wipe the blood off his face being gentle with him.
“The rusk’s got to him.”
I figured that was the team we were after.
“Why were you hiding me from him John? When did this happen?”
I whimper out, trying my best to help Will.
“Last night, I was here trying to kill off some of the rusk’s…I didn’t know Will was snuck in trying to help me and the other lieutenant’s he got…”
He didn’t say anything after that. 
“And you didn’t help him.”
I grit my teeth as I lean into will, opening his eyes I notice as he gains consciousness.
“J-jack…”
He says his voice raspy as he tries to talk to me. I look into his green eyes. He looks so pale and tired. John sits down next to me and looks at Will. I couldn't care what he did right now my focus was on Will entirely. In some way I knew he wouldn’t make it the way he looked showed it all.
“Will Im so sorry.”
“Its…my…fault…”
His breathing was rough and uneven.
“Jack…Thank you…Thank you for caring about me.”
He looks at me with his green eyes that light in his eyes is fading.
“Will…”
My eyes are threatening me right now i fight the urge to start crying.
“Thank you…for being there…I..love you Jack…Thank-y-ou.”
I watch as he starts dying.
“Will? Will!”
I lean into him watching him die slowly…I wrap my arms around Will I feel as Will tries to hug me back he barely does. I feel as he goes limp and eventually dies. I feel as John puts his warm hand on my back. I hold onto will tightly. I don't want to let go right now.
“Jack…I'm sorry.”
I don’t respond back to John and I still hold onto Will…I start silently crying on Will's coat. I knew Will always wanted to die no matter what when was happy or sad, I knew…I knew he would do reckless things…Never this far…Now my best friend is dead and everything's worse.
“Jack let go we need to barry him” 
“Not yet.”
His body was still warm enough to hug. Multiple people come in the room now. I must have not noticed when John left to get the others. They pried me off of Will and gave me his boots…When they went to give me his coat I told them to keep it on him. I don’t want him to be cold.
I was far away from where they were burying him. I look at the snow on the ground for a while. Until I feel someone come to my side.
“Its done.”
John said lowly to me.
“Thanks…”
“Jack…You don’t have to forgive me, I just wanted to let you know that I really am sorry.”
I turn my head to look over at him. His eyes are low when looking at me. I watch as he leans in and hugs me, I welcome it and hug him back. Why didn’t John save Will, why couldn’t he love me back, why was he doing this to himself and to Ashley.
“Okay.”
I say grimly as he hugs me with his warm body…stop it jack.
Will is dead and I'm going to find his killer even if it kills me in the process. 

Chapter Text

Jack hasn’t been responding to anyone including me. The only person he talks or responds to is his instructor telling him what to do. I tried doing everything to get him to respond to me, nothing its like he’s in his own world. At this point I've stopped trying to talk to him ive been showing up to check on him after he goes to look for the Rusks he’s been obsessed with them looking for clues everywhere.
“Jack?”
Jack’s head was tilted down; it was only me and him in the tent the others had left to find pin points on the enemies location. The rest of the team didn’t let him go, including his instructor, and I'm scared he might do something to himself. He looked like he was zoning out not paying attention to me. He lost everything I knew somewhat about his background enough to know that he did lose. I sighed and sat down on his cot next to him looking down at him for a moment.
He looked over at me now his eyes stayed the same looking at me waiting for me to say something. I stay quiet letting him look at me with that lost look in his brown eyes.
“John, why can’t you?”
I raise my eyebrow looking at him, my eyes narrowing a little.
“Why can’t I do what?”
He looks away from me now, his hands on his knees. I notice how he’s deep in thought. He looks like he’s been crying for the past hour. I notice the grip on his gun tightening my eyes widen a little and I immediately reach out for his gun, taking it out of his hands. Jack’s eyes hardened and he reached for his gun and I reached away from him not letting him have his gun.
“John what the hell?”
“Jack, I don't trust you with your gun right now.”
He stands up infront of me now I stare up at him watching his every move.
“What? You think im gonna kill myself?”
I tense up. I feel my blood start to boil over this man.
“Exactly Jack.”
He stares down at me with his beautiful brown eyes, he looks lifeless. I stand up now slightly towering over him putting the gun back on the cot. I tilt his head up to look at me intensely.
“Jack I know you're sad right now and you have every right to be, but I need you to stay strong.”
He stares up at me, his eyes hardening, glaring at me almost. I see some hatred in his eyes towards me.
“For what? I don’t have anyone anymore.”
I feel him trying to break my grasp but I hold onto his chin tightly almost making it hurt for him.
“You have me Jack, im not just gonna let you kill yourself over this!”
I bark out, but I start to feel myself start to fight back tears. He stares up at me in confusion and confliction. I feel the urge to tell him something personal, I do.
“Jack, I know what it's like to run away from your family. My dad was abusive to my mom and my siblings were abusive to me. The only people I had were my friends. It felt like back then. They all called me Johnny. I felt like I belonged when they called me that. I vowed from that day on that I would make people feel like they belong somewhere or have a place to go. Do you understand Jack? I care for you so much, I want you to come to me okay? I'm your lieutenant and your friend, you got that Jack?” 
He stares at me, his face softened a little, I let go of his chin now letting my hand drop to my side. I let my eyes wander off him and to the side for a moment at his cot and other stuff.
I almost jolt back when I feel his lips on mine surprisingly, I blush slightly in surprise. I turn my head back to his and kiss him back passionately. I wrap my arms around him and did the same. I feel him push his body against my chest. I push back against him. I take off his hat and I run my fingers through his hair. Now I feel his hand go to the back of my neck.
I groan a little into the kiss when we both sit down onto the cot together. I get on top of Jack kissing him still, I break the kiss for a moment and I take my hat off setting it down to the side I watch as he gets nervous slightly. He sits up slightly and I lean into him letting my body warm him up, I lean my head down now and lean into his neck starting to kiss it. I hear him moan a little trying to keep himself under control.
“John…Are you s-”
“Yes…”
I break away from his neck and I look into his eyes. Our eye contact is intense and is making me…What the hell am I doing? I see him stare into my eyes with nervousness.
“Whats wrong?”
I say softly trying to comfort him in a way.
“Nothing, it's just…I haven’t done this in awhile.”
I nod and I rest my hand on his cheek. Letting him feel the warmth of my hand he leans in a little.
“Lets take it sl-”
I feel as Jack kisses yet again surprising me, I chuckle slightly and kiss him back. I feel his hand travel down my uniform touching me on my chest and leaving a trail of fire in its wake. I grunt slightly feeling his touch and I push against his hand needing to feel him. I hear Jack laugh slightly.
“What..?”
I moan out looking into his eyes now my eyes feel low with lust.
“Stop teasing me Jack.”
I watch as he trails his hand to my pants now, and then he pushes me back slightly off of him. My eyes widen slightly at his boldness and I stare at his hands for a moment watching them go to my belt. I grab his hand and I smirk slightly watching his expression sour slightly as I stop him.
“What?”
Jack says in frustration.
“You're not new to this are you?”
Jack looks over a moment then back to me and sighs.
“No I'm not.”
I almost laugh at that and I have a burning question. I look into his eyes and he looks into mine as the air gets thicker between us.
“With a girl?”
He rolls his eyes and lets his hand rest on my belt.
“Twice, Just leave me alone about this.”
I feel as he takes off my belt when I release my grip on his hand. I feel my heart rate spike and I look at him and I feel my face go hot. I watch Jack unbutton my pants and slightly slide them down revealing my black boxers. I hold my breath slightly. I feel myself getting hard for him… stop, it's not right you- I stop thinking when I feel his hands slide in my boxers. I gasp and I whimper slightly.
“Jack…”
“Hmm~ You're hard already?”
I scoff and look away slightly.
“When you're touching me like that…”
I almost hunch over when he slides my boxers off my hips and my cock springs free. I stare at my cock its as hard as a rock right now, I look at Jack as he stares at my cock I start to feel a bit proud of it. I'm about 7 inches and going strong.
“You like what you see Private?”
I see him get annoyed at me calling him private. It makes me wanna kiss him until he can’t breathe.
“You're pretty big Johnny.”
I almost squirmed under his hot touch on my cock and what he said. I watch him shift on the cot and slightly get on his all fours in front of me and he starts sucking my cock. I moan when he sucks me. I feel every part of his throat on my cock I grab his blond hair gently.
“Oh Fuck…”
I grunt as I feel his mouth construct around my cock, he’s taking it so well in his mouth. I feel him go faster on my cock I whimper as I feel myself getting closer. I tense up a little as I feel my cock signaling that I'm gonna cum soon.
“Jack…keep doing that im gonna cum~”
I warn and I grab his hair roughly,  when I feel myself release in his mouth…He swallowed it all. I moan loudly when I do. I let out a small whimper when he takes his mouth off my cock. I watch as he wipes his mouth off. I let go of his blond hair. I’m out of breath a little, I pull up my boxers and my pants buttoning them back up. I watch Jack stretch a little and then he looks at me. I pull his arm towards me, feeling him get on me slightly. I look into his brown eyes.
“Are you sure this is okay..?”
He asks softly, and I nod at him. I feel guilt overwhelming me right now. I gently put his body on mine, letting him rest on my body for now. I ran my hand through his hair, hearing him let out a sigh.
“John?”
“Hmm?”
“I hope I find Will's killer before time comes.”
I stop running my hand through his hair.
“What do you mean, Jack?”
He looks up at me, his gaze hard.
“I'm willing to sacrifice myself to find his killer…or for one of my team members to find.”
I'm starting to feel angry again and I just push his head slightly back down on my chest.
“Just go to sleep, Jack.”
He huffs slightly and wraps his arms around my waist. I feel him plant a kiss on my neck before resting his head down on my chest.

As soon as Jack falls asleep, I grab my cross necklace from under my uniform. I start praying for forgiveness for what I just let Jack do to me. I gently move Jack's body so he lies down normally on his cot. I stand up and stretch, grabbing my hat and putting it on as well as my coat. I go outside of the big tent noticing how the team is coming back. I look at some of the other lieutenants' talk, then I watch Ashley walking over to me. I sigh under my breath and I manage a small smile. I feel as she gives me a slight hug, but then she moves away from me.
“You smell weird.”
I chuckle slightly at the way she’s looking at me, and I raise my eyebrow.
“Like what?”
“Like cigarettes”
I look into her eyes, I want this feeling to go away. I can’t be in love with Jack…I bite my lip a little looking away for a moment. Please make this stop, God.  

Chapter Text

I wake up groaning slightly. My body feels stiff, and I remember what I did last night to John, the memory pounding in my head. He had some pretty soft lips. I look around to see the others sleeping because I was asleep first last night when they were out without me. I need to find Will's killer as soon as possible. I'm going to avenge him no matter the cost. Will, I promise you were needed here still. I stand up from my cot now, stretching I pull the curtain over my cot so I can get dressed in my winter gear. I  feel the warmth overcoming me from my coat, I put on then I put on my helmet. Im not telling anyone im leaving, they don’t need to know. I can't spend another minute here. I can feel myself getting angry just from staying in this tent doing nothing to help this situation. I take down the curtain then I quietly head out of the tent with my gun planted firmly against my back. The is starting to melt slightly its now Febuary we have been up here for three months now, and we still haven’t caught the Rusks. Were dilly-dallying and im sick of it im done doing nothing I have to keep moving no matter what. And everyone is just trying to hold me back here. I walk trying to keep my footsteps quiet I hear voices coming from up above I move behind a thick tree listening to the voices. Its John and Casey their talking about the upcoming progress for the Rusks on how to capture them. I know that their trying but its not enough right now for me. 

“They’ve moved lower down settling somewhere in Vixen town.”

Casey spoke lowly. 

“We should send our team on them today at 5:00. Mark down their location exactly so we know when to go in and get it done.” 

John spoke with his deep voice that ive slowly grown to love so much, but that doesn’t matter anyway. I wait for them to pass by the tree I was hiding behind and I keep in mind where the Rusks are and I slowly make my way down the mountain. I know that once they find out im not there the whole team is going to look for me including the lieutenants. I pull off my tactical backpack and pull out the map the instructors gave us when we came up here. I notice where im at on the moutain and I navigate my way down the mountain. I couldn’t ever seen myself doing this 3 months ago but then again my best friends dead, and Johns not helping me too much with anything. He’s so deep in his Faith with christ that he won’t promise much to me but a friendship that I believe won’t even work out. I look around at the scenery my face stings with the cold slightly I reach up to touch my face touching my scar slightly. Just brings back another memory, I hate remembering things now that I think about it. I put my hand away from my face and keep walking Im almost half way down the mountain and I see a small wooden pole with signs on it. “Vixen” and “Wirldown.” I turn right where the sign says Vixen on it. I hear panic shouts from halfway up the moutain the team must be onto me already. I start in a half sprint to Vixen looking at the old homes and barns the snow is half melted on all of the roofs. I notice a small blood path leading to a back alley I shouldn’t be doing this, Im too late anyway whats there to loose? I reach out my gloved hand to the blood on the side of a building then I hear Spanish pleads coming from the alley way. I make my way to the alley way and I stop behind a  run down home peaking into the alley way. A rusk has a poor spanish man up against the building with a gun next to his head. The rusk was speaking spanish back to the man in a menacing tone. Most rusks are Spanish mixed with Russians I knew that much. I stare at the poor man begging for his life I don’t know much spanish but I know one word that came out of the mans mouth. 

“Fort empress!” 

I stare at the scene in shock and half anger I flinch slightly as the gun rings through the town. Blood spilling from the mans head going everywhere against the buildings and the snow brains and blood is everywhere. I finally make my move pulling my rifle from my back and pointing it at the two rusks. 

“Jack Fausett.”

One of them speaks up my eyes widen a little and I point my rifle at the rusk that said my name. 

“How do you know my name!” 

I bark out. 

“You people at Fort empress are so dumb, your security is not that well. Besides how could we not know of their best soldier?” 

The other rusk spoke up I was surpised they knew english even. I stared at them in shock the grip on my gun was tightening. Why is everyone calling me good Im decent sure but good? Is a bit of a overstatment. 

“I should be killing you guys I don’t even know why im bothering with you two.” 

I say coldly in disregard of what they said to me. They both chuckle slightly and my eyes narrow slightly. 

“Jack!?”

I hear john from behind me. Great the knight and shining armor is trying to save me again. I shoot one of the rusks in the leg the other one runs off once I did The rusks screams in pain from the gunshot. I walk closer to the rusk and grab his collar pulling him up against the wall. 

“You caught one.”

John says impressed I don’t care much for his approval right now.

“Where’s your boss?” 

“Im not telling you shit.”

The rusk spits on me and I wipe it off my face. I punch him right in his face. John just watches me as I deal with the rusk I don’t even care about him right now I care about finding The head of the rusks. The fear in the rusks eyes brings me satisfaction I stare into the guys eyes. 

“Wanna try again?”

“He’s in the barn!”

The rusk studders out from my fist close to his face again. I smile a little at his face, I take my rifle from my tatical backpack and put it up to his temple. 

“Jack thats enough.”

John speaks up but I ignore him and I put my finger to the trigger. I listen to the mans pleads it fuels my desire to kill him. I shoot but it doesn’t hit the rusk, my gun his tooken out of my hands and the bullet goes though my shoulder. I yelp in pain and I watch as the rusk escapes from my grasp as I realize it. 

“Jack! Oh my god are you okay!?”

John comes closer to me I can feel his breath on my face as he checks my gunshot wound. The other rusk on the floor was crawling to get away but I kick him to make him stay there. I shrug away from him and I grasp ahold of my gun shot wound.

“Jack I didn’t think you were actually going to shoot him Im-”

“Shut up! Im not a fucking child you don’t need to check up on me. Leave me alone!”

I say to john in a cold tone and I make my way through the town, I look behind me to see John leaving most likely to get backup. I don’t have my gun now. I look down on the floor seeing a pistol on the floor from one of the rusks. I pick it up and I rip off a piece of my own undershirt to tie it around my gunshot wound. To my left I see the barn and I run to it I don’t have much time before John gets back with the others. I find a smaller entrance to the barn hearing all of them talking I take my pistol out despite my shoulder aching from the blood im loosing. I aim the pistol to what seems like the leader of this little group and I shoot him In the head. Someone screams at seeing the group leaders head get shot off. I chuckle slightly to myself hearing the rusk’s in pain of the death of one of them. I turn my head to the right my vision is getting blurry again, and im feeling dizzy. 

“Jack? You can hear me can you?”

My Sister  appears infront of me except I know this is a hallucination. I mutter out weakly. 

“Mom?”

My sister was more of a mom to me then my actual mom was and, I stare at the faint look at her my eyes are getting heavy. 

“I love you Jack, please be better to yourself.”

Before I know it I on the floor passed out in a small puddle of my own blood seeping though my shoulder with the cloth on it. 

“Stop!” 

I hear gunshots around me Im being carried somewhere in a wagon it seems like. I can barley hear anything execpt for ringing, but I make out one voice. Johns. 

“No, no, no! JACK!”

That makes my eyes focus slightly but only for a moment to see John next to a tree holding his gun while getting shot at trying to doge the bullets. His eyes were filled with panic and stress staring at me I stared at him my eyes heavy. I think im surrounded by rusks in a waggon from them speaking russian I lean my head back in exhaustion and close my eyes. I feel someone rest their hand on my face and then my shoulder tending to my shoulder. Three months ago I would of never let you down like this John. 

Chapter Text

I wake up in a sweat I thrash around as I feel hands on my body they immediately take their hands off me. I look up to see people with the symbol of the Rusks on the arm of their uniform and front. My eyes narrow and I look down at the chains around my feet and chains on my wrist the chain is so tight its breaking my skin. 

“Jack Fausett.”

A man with a deep russian voice speaks to me and my eyes snap up to his dark blue eyes. They remind me of Johns somewhat I mentally curse myself for thinking about that right now. I speak up my voice rough from sleep.

“What do you want with me.”

I bark out almost trying to seem tough, but failing. I notice my emblem on my uniform has been ripped off the front and my arm the cold air breezing though the hole of my shirt. Thats a petty move. I think to myself. The Russian man looks deep in thought and then he signals for some people to come into the room. Im trying to look for anything in this room, there wasn’t a window, nor objects in the room I can use to break my chains off with. Theres only one big heavy metal door I watch as they shove a women in the room with me. She’s beautiful she has long dark hair and dark brown eyes she looked up at me she looked extremely tired. They started chaining her up as well I grunt and look back at the Russian man. 

“Well Jack, I want you to tell me where your team is held up.”

I shake my head in spite and I look up at the man through my eyebrows. 

“Like hell I’d tell you that.” 

“No? Well…”

My breath catches when I notice him coming closer to me. I lean back slightly but he grabbed my hair and titled my head back so Im forced to look at him. I try to see what he grabbed out of his pocket my eyes slightly widen when I feel a sharp pain on my neck slightly cut a small cut on my jaw line. 

“Tell me.”

He says roughly I feel him push the knife into my collar bone now starting to cut it. I stay quiet I feel the womans eyes on me I hope she’s not next for whatever their going to do to me. He lets go of my hair and I look down slightly grimacing at the stinging sensation the knife marks left behind. I snap my head up when he takes a step closer to me  and punches me square in the face, He had a knuckle brass on Im bleeding I can feel it running down my face already. I let out a small breath of pain and then he grabbed my hair again with the hand he has the knuckle brass on. 

“Im not asking you again, Where the hell is your team?”

I chuckle lowly and speak up. 

“Your never getting to them, their coming for me.”

“Oh they are? Are they?”

One of his men step forward and The russian man lets me lift my head. I stare at the small computer noticing the cameras they have around the place and the guards. My eyebrows furrow a little and I look at the time on the small computer, and it has been 5 hours since ive been knocked out. 

“We saw them walk past the place Sir. We think they are going back to their base.”

My heart drops, their leaving me. I stare at the screen and I start panicking a little I look up at the Russian man. He laughs at my expression he knows I just realized no ones coming for me. 

“Do you still think that someone is coming for you?”

I just stare at him not saying anything. He punches me again I think he just broke my nose, the blood is dripping down my face and off my chin. I lean my head back I stare at the men surrounding me I notice one of them looking at the woman thats 3 feet away from me. I almost wanna growl and tell them to fuck off and to not touch her. 

“Im going to give you an opportunity.”

The Russian man speaks lowly to me and I just shake my head. He was about to hit me but one of his men whispers something in his ear. He stares down at me and leaves the room with his men leaving me and the woman alone. Im stinging and aching all over I mange to look over at the woman she seems afraid of me.

“Are you okay?”

I say softly trying not to startle her. She shakes her head no and slightly leans away from me as if trying to distance herself from me. I watch her shake slightly.

“Did they hurt you?”

“Yes.” 

She speaks in a spanish accent.

“What did they do..?”

“They raped me.”

My heart aches for her I know exactly how it feels I try to get closer to her my chains surprisingly allowed it. I notice her slightly backing up against the wall. 

“Im not like them, im not gonna hurt you.”

I notice her eyes slightly soften and I get closer to her. Im sitting right infront of her she has to slightly look up at me. 

“When did they?”

“About a month ago..they made me their slave after i couldn’t pay back the money they lended my dead husband.”

I stare into her brown eyes, shes shaking and scared I wish there was something I can do for her. 

“Whats your name?”

I ask trying to calm her down a little.

“Valentina, you?”

“Jack.”

She nods and she looks around the room her hands go up to her arms to warm herself up. It was quiet between us for a moment before she spoke up again turning her head to look at me. 

“I think I'm pregnant."

My eyes widen at what she said I stare at her in shock. Im filled with rage no one should ever be burdened with that. 

“Are you going to be okay..?”

“I don’t think so, I'm scared.”

She says softly.  

I let Valentina rest her head on my chest while she went to bed. I could at least give her some warmth I don’t think I can even manage to get myself to sleep. Im aching too badly to even sleep plus my mind keeps racing with things. I feel as Valentina wraps an arm around my torso and bring me in closer while she sleeps I haven’t felt this good since…I was with John. I realize im all Valentia has right now and that is why she’s trusting me so much, and I couldn’t blame her I trust her too. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow im dreading what will happen. My mind has numbed the pain from my nose I lean my head to the side when Valentina rests her head in my neck this is extremly intimate, I haven’t been intimate with a girl in awhile. I slow my breathing a little and I think about everything that has happened. Theres only one thing on my mind right now in this exact moment. 

I need to get out of here, and be a real soldier.