Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Robert deserved better.

All his life, he had only tried his best. To be what his father wanted him to be, what the village expected, what Chrissie, Rebecca and Lawrence all thought he should be. He had spent almost his entire life trying to fit into a mold that never really fit with the shape of him, or that of his feelings. At some point, he learnt to find comfort in the discomfort of it. The way it clung to him like a second skin, making it sometimes difficult to breathe. By the time he made it back into the village, years after leaving, he had long let go of who he had once wanted to be. He was now cruel and heartless; greedy and callous. He acted without second thought, and the ends almost always justifying the means. Come to think of it, he thrived off the reaction he got from people. A guaranteed negative reaction was 100% better than the slight chance of approval and acceptance. He was bad, and nobody could be better at being bad than him.

But then he met Aaron Dingle. Damn it. Damn you Aaron, with your gorgeous bright blue eyes that so beautifully contrast your dark brown hair. You with your morals and high ground, your unwavering kindness and loyalty. Your love. The love Robert never quite felt he deserved.

Aaron was a strong gust of wind that knocked open a door that was so tightly shut, bolted down with many many deadbolts and locks that Robert was sure he’d lost the keys to most of them.

Come to think of it, he’d straight up broken in. That was a criminal offence. Robert had never consented to this. Where could he lay a charge?
“I’m here to lay a charge.” he’d say.

“Of course, Sir. For what?”

“Breaking and entering.”

The police officer would internally scream. Those were hard to solve. Robert would sense this and respond, “I know who did it.”

The police officer would be relieved; this would make their job a whole lot easier.

“Oh, that’s perfect.” he’d say, “Who is it?”

“Aaron Dingle.”

And that wouldn't be the first time the officer would’ve heard that name. This time he wouldn't be able to control his facial expressions, and he would roll his eyes hard enough to see the back of his skull.

“Again?” he’d ask.

Again? So this wasn't his first time. He was a repeat offender.

“D’you know what he took?”

“Yeah, my heart!”

He’d need to word it better, but this was serious.

Life took him on a wild whirlwind with Aaron. The affair, Katie, Paddy, Aaron outing him to Chrissie and ultimately, the village, Andy trying to have him killed and them framing Aaron for it, Gordan, the trial, their first attempt at a real relationship, a car crash proposal, an ill-planned wedding, prison, Rebecca, Seb, their second attempt at a real relationship, a double proposal at a layby, a proper wedding, love, a family, everything he ever wanted. Life had finally come full circle for him. He finally had everything he had secretly wanted. Andy was right, Aaron had made him a better man, but he couldn’t’ve done that if underneath all that facade, Robert was never a good man to begin with. And he was. Aaron had just wiped down the grime that was his trauma and brought forth the incredible man he truly was.

But in true fashion, life threw a spanner into the works, seemingly just for the plot. And Robert went to prison for doing something many people would be waiting in line to shake his hand for. Instead, he got handed a 14-year sentence and the belief that his life was well and truly over. All the pain he had been through to get to where he wanted to be, had eventually been all for nothing.

His life was over, but that didn't mean that Aaron’s had to be too. So, he made sure Aaron knew how much he loved him. ‘You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me’. He’d meant that. He hugged him tighter than he ever had before, whispered his final and most sincere goodbye, and had the divorce papers sent through his solicitor as soon as possible before his greed got the better of him and made him change his mind. Because although he was a changed and better man, when it came to Aaron Dingle, Robert was still very much greedy.

He’d cut contact with everyone after that. Got transferred to the Isle of Wight and that had been that. Six years seemed to pass by in a flash, or had it slowly steamrolled by? He couldn't remember anymore. Days and months blended together after that.

That’s not to say that prison was a breeze, in the beginning it wasn't so bad. Murdering a rapist got you a good deal of respect. He used that momentum to thrive, but all in all, kept his head down. His downfall was murmuring Aaron’s name in his sleep. Was it a good dream or a nightmare? He was divorced from him so his dreams all surely fell under the Horror genre regardless. His cellmate asked him about it the next morning, and no amount of smooth talking could get him out of that one. He admitted that he was Bi, that he was married to a man before being imprisoned. He lost some of the respect after that. A few beatings here and there, a slur being thrown around, childish and mindless bullying that one would expect from men who were going to be spending the rest of the lives caged with nothing better to do. But Robert wouldn't be Robert Sugden if he didn't find a way to rise above it and make a name for himself. His quick wit which wasn't always appreciated, was noticed by the Warden and he was eventually tasked with teaching fellow prisoners a range of subjects: Maths, Business and his favourite, English. He himself managed to get his Economics and English Literature degrees (simultaneously done with all the time on his hands), something he never managed to get to back in his normal life. That was likely the only perk that was prison.

He hadn’t expected to hear from his solicitor, especially regarding an appeal, but Richard had been positive; and rightly so, within a couple of weeks, he’d be a free man. That left him in a dilemma. Did he still have a home to go back to? He had cut off everyone who was close to. He hadn’t heard from Victoria in years, not to mention Aaron. Six years later and he was still a little selfish. So he did the only thing a scared and lonely man in his position would do. He sat in the prison library and for the first time in said years, searched the name of his husband. A few Aaron Dingle wannabees showed up on his search. Green eyes, blonde hair, bald, skinny, tall, old and dead. Multiple versions, all not his. Aaron never was good at updating his social media, or being social at all, even in real life. One person who would be good at that and would proudly post however, would be the one and only Chas Dingle. Aaron was a source of pride for her, he could sneeze, and she would likely post something about it although he was a grown man in his thirties. She was the very first option on his search page. There are very little people on the planet named Chastity because well ... you know. And just like he predicted, all her feed was, was Aaron, and well, Eve, who had grown spectacularly considering the last time he had seen her, she was in her mother’s belly.

The feed was overcrowded, endless pictures of a toothy Eve, Liam – that was surprising and Aaron. Aaron and ... John? A wedding? Who was getting married? Oh, this John guy was. But wait ... to Aar ... to Aaron? His Aaron?

He stood up so quickly, his chair fell backwards, drawing the attention of the other fellas in the library with him.

No. This couldn't be happening. Aaron, getting married. He wanted him to be happy without him, but not like this. Not married! He grabbed the chair and pulled it back under him as he scrolled further. John ... no, that couldn't be right. Sugden. John Sugden? Were they related?

He used his very next phone call to call Richard and ask him to do a background check on this John Sugden. Richard was happy to oblige, but only on the condition that he gave Robert the information once he was released. He knew Robert well enough and could already sense the direction in which his mind was going. He couldn't risk Robert losing his mind, doing something crazy and risking his appeal. And he had every reason to. Robert didn’t sleep well for the rest of him time there. By the time he read the file, sat in a subpar motel room somewhere back in Yorkshire, he was frazzled, flabbers, gasted. John was his brother. Half, mind you, he wasn't ready to welcome this guy with open arms. But seemingly, the whole village already had, especially Aaron. He was due to marry him in the coming week. He had to do something. He just had to. What yet, he didn't know. He sat with this information, in a drunken haze, trying to figure out his next step. His emotions were accounted for. He was heartbroken, that was for sure, but that was a constant state for him now. This time just felt deeper, sharper. The day of the wedding came, and he worked on autopilot. He woke up early in the morning, waking earlier than his prison body clock; got dressed, wore the cologne he wore on his wedding day to Aaron, the second one, the one that cemented them together forever. He got into the car he had rented offhandedly the day before and drove the short distance into Emmerdale.

It was like a mirage of memories flooding back to him. Nothing had changed, but also, everything had. He felt like an imposter in a place he used to so easily belong. Almost like he had felt when he drove back in with the Whites all those years ago. What was is, just over a decade ago? God, he was getting old. But it was different now, now he had his purpose somewhere in the village, just hours from getting married again.

He sat in the car just a few blocks away from the venue and watched, people he knew looked slightly different, older; walk past and on their way to watch his husband marry someone else. He could sit here for the whole ceremony. He could. He could just wait to hear the elated cheers that would imply that the pair are officially wed; he could wait to see them walk out hand in hand. He would then turn around and leave them to be, start his life over. He could be good. He could keep his promise and let Aaron be happy without him.

But that wouldn't be very Robert Sugden of him now, would it?

So he opened his car door. Sat facing outwards, feet hitting the dry gravel road, and dry heaved unexpectedly. He leaned back and overlooked the flask that he definitely shouldn't even have in the car with him and grabbed the almost empty bottle of water. He’d been thirstier than a man in a desert. He was anxious, he wondered why. He drank the last few drops, crushed the now empty bottle with one hand, tossed it back in the car, stood up, closed and locked the door and slowly walked towards the chapel.

The doors were open, so he thankfully didn't need to make a grand entrance. He would just be in and out. Everybody was facing forward, not a single thought that this perfect day could be ruined. But he didn't intend to ruin it. He just came to take what was his and leave. Simple.

Aaron turned towards him, shock written all over his face. He didn't know how to process that quite yet, but he had time. He had forever.

“Hello Aaron, miss me?”

Chapter Text

Robert really should've anticipated the punch. He’d been married to Aaron twice and been on the receiving end of that fist too many times for people who were supposedly in love. But still, his mind had provided a slightly different reunion, and a fist meet face was not it. He was hoping for something along the lines of lips meet lips, body and body. 

But he understood, he got it, really.  

He got his wish later on, after their usual song and dance around each other and their feelings. Aaron, stood in his wedding suit looking gorgeous, on a bridge that had become theirs. And he had kissed Robert. With such intensity and passion, even he knew he was doomed. Aaron knew he was done for the moment Robert walked into that wedding.  

‘Thank God.’ his mind provided. Robert was back; his life could begin again. Because as much as Robert had done what he did just so Aaron could move on with his life, Aaron never did. He did what he was supposed to. He dated, smiled, showed up for his friends and family, and went to sleep with an ache so deep, no amount of self-destruct could heal it. And so he agreed to marry John, because life had no point anymore, might as well live it with an okayish man. Every man was okayish. No man was Robert. 

He went ahead and married John, because his mind hadn't quite caught up with his heart. They were usually in sync when it came to Robert, but it had been six years, and his mind was still too preoccupied with expectations and fitting into a role he had created. He stuttered through his vows, realising he didn't mean them, not like he should. 

‘Everything’s fine. Everything will work out’ he told himself. But he couldn't help but feel like he was lying to himself, more than to anybody else. 

He couldn't stomach the idea of having Robert in the village again. Having to pretend they were just strangers, or worse, friends. No, that wouldn't do. So he called Robert’s parole officer and reported him. It hurt to do so, but he was left with no other option. A small part of him knew it was just another way to punish Robert. To punish both of them. How could he let go of something that he had yearned for, for the last six years? 

He paid him a visit because he needed him to know that he wasn't welcome back in his life. Robert had made the decision for the both of them, so he needed to stick by it. Aaron was happy with John. And maybe if he said it enough times out loud, he would start to believe it. 

Robert was nothing if not persistent. But it was different. He wasn't as sure of himself as he used to be. He begged, grovelled. It wasn't beneath him anymore. Nothing was. Anything to get Aaron back. But ultimately, all Robert wanted, was for Aaron to be happy, and if that was without him, as painful as it would be, he would accept it. Because he wasn't doing this to prove a point, that he was the better option; smarter and better looking. 

Aaron wasn't used to seeing that side of Robert. He had always had an ego. Always felt the need to be the best in the room. Seeing him admit defeat, dressed in his maroon prison top, it did something to his heart. He wasn't willing to admit what that was yet. 

He walked out the prison with his heart feeling heavier than it did when he walked in. It felt like he was very slowly dying. 

Robert was released again a few days later. Those few days felt longer than the six years Aaron sat waiting for him. Seeing his long and dare he say, bigger frame, waltz into his and John’s home to announce his return; took him years back, to the sure of himself Robert he fell in love with. His heart revved up. His Robert was back, the cocky glint in his eye, the doubtful smirk he wore on his face – a mockery to Aaron and John’s attempt at confidence. Robert would fight for them; Aaron could already taste their future. John almost didn't exist then, hearing his voice pulled him out of his love-drunk reverie. Right, he still had this husband to deal with. Aaron had the decency to feel bad. But Robert was just there. So close to touch and smell. Almost his again. 

Aaron couldn't seem to avoid Robert. That was both heaven and hell for him. It was strange seeing his blonde mop of hair in the village again. 

Robert had changed. He had facial hair now; his hair was longer; and his voice deeper. l a softer look to him. And as arrogant as he seemed days earlier, he almost folded in on himself now, a shell of his former self. Not Robert Sugden at all. He didn't take up space, didn't speak too loudly, his eyes always darting around, looking for an exit. 

He seemed worse than during the prison visit. He couldn't help but want to reach out to him. He got his chance when they bumped into each other at David’s shop. They made small talk. Small talk wasn't their forte; they had done it before they got back together in 2017, it wasn’t all too new. But there was an even greater distance between them; and no amount of small talk could even begin to cover it. 

Aaron didn’t know how to be act around him anymore. A few years prior, they had been married, they held hands, kissed and hugged. He couldn't do that anymore. And that made him mad. So he was mean. He was cruel and ruthless, said things he definitely knew weren't true, not anymore. He wanted to punish Robert. Like he hadn't been punished enough when he was separated from his entire life back in the village, when he lost contact with his son, husband and sisters; when he lost the spark that was his job, his home, the comfort of morning touches and kisses shared under covers on lazy Saturday mornings before the rest of the world woke up; whispered words of love and adoration. Surely that was punishment enough? But Aaron wanted to hurt him; wanted him to hurt the way he did. And he got that wish, because having the person you love most in the world spew the hateful words that kept you up at night for years; words that the same man had washed away with loving hands and gentle touches; yeah, that would do it. That too in front of the local public in his mother’s pub, Robert couldn't recognise Aaron. Was it him or were they words he too had heard several times over from others? Had he really thought all of that about him? Hadn't he figured him out? It felt like he had. Robert had never felt safer anywhere else in the world than with Aaron. One word or look from Robert told Aaron everything he needed to know, and he would swoop in and save him. Be it literally getting Robert out of an uncomfortable situation or conversation; or standing up and fighting on his behalf because Robert didn't have the words pr will to. He always understood him and his needs, sometimes before Robert himself even realised. 

‘To be loved is to be known’. That never rang truer than with the pair of them. 

He could have the world against him, but as long as Aaron was on his side, he felt like he could overcome anything. 

So having Aaron stand on the other side with the rest of them, that was new; at least in recent memory. And even back then when they were still on and off and the village was against him; Aaron was never truly against him; he just wanted him to make better choices. He encouraged the real Robert to come out. Robert was just still too blind and too scared to see it. 

Robert’s defence against the callous words was weak. He hated how desperate he sounded as they slipped out. 

“You know me better than anyone.” 

Once maybe. Long ago. 

That should've made Aaron happy, that was the goal. But watching the already dim light in his eyes almost completely extinguish; it didn't elicit the feeling he anticipated. 

 He'd have to ignore Robert after all. 

But Robert needed work. That was another thing that was going to take Aaron some getting used to. Robert was staunchly independent; and he was good at business. He could turn around just about any business; could pinpoint a weak point at just one glance and figure out a way to amend it in record time. Aaron didn't know many people who had his intelligence. 

Seeing him beg for work and sell himself and his skills to Caleb, was hard to watch. He hadn't needed to prove himself to anybody in so long. Anybody would be lucky to have someone as intelligent, hardworking and charming as Robert, working for them. But he was an ex-convict, nobody was going to be taking chances with him; and nobody knew that more than Aaron. 

He winced internally when Caleb declined his offer, and his heart broke when Caleb later fired him.  

All of this was John’s doing, he hated him for it, but he hated himself more for not doing anything about it. Robert was worth taking a chance on. But he owed John. John had done so much for him and his friends and family. He deserved to give him a proper chance. Regardless of Robert. 

Until he saw him kissing another man. Aaron was used to seeing Robert in different states of PDA, especially during their affair, but that had been Chrissie. He had even tortured himself and imagined Robert and Rebecca together when Robert had confessed to sleeping with her. But he had never seen Robert with a man before. He had never imagined it. He knew there had been men before him, but they were all nameless, faceless men that held no significance to him. But this, this was like an out of body experience. He felt dizzy at the sight of it; he locked his knees so they wouldn’t buckle. He couldn't have John see the effect Robert had on him. 

John had only heard the stories; he didn't want him to see it first-hand. But even then, he seemed skeptical, like Robert was just a passing phase in Aaron’s life. Nothing too serious. Not like they had planned their entire lives around each other: a home that Robert built for them, children, a beautiful, glorious future that Aaron couldn't wait to be a part of. Like he was merely a placeholder for Aaron’s real soulmate. Aaron hated hearing John speak about them. He knew nothing of them. Even the other people who spoke ill of them, like his mother, Paddy and even Cain when he’s in a bad mood, even they knew not to downplay what the pair had. Nobody had room to. They had all seen the wreck that had become of Aaron when Robert was sent down. Like a physical part of him was removed and he was learning how to live without it. 

John could never understand that passion and intensity. He could only ever hope to match that energy with anybody, ever. 

Robert had been suffering from terror filled nightmare ever since he had been released. He had just been lucky that nobody had been around when he had them. He only slept during the day when Vic was at work and Harry was at school. That was the only time he felt safe enough to sleep. The dark night and small space of his room brought in a fear he didn't realise he had until that first night he spent alone in that motel room. He couldn't sleep in the living room every day, at some point he's going to have to brave the fear.  

‘Tonight’ he thinks to himself. He'd sleep in his bed, alone in the darkness of the tiny room. And he’d be fine. But for now, he’d just lay his head down. 

He sensed the movement before he heard any noise, then he felt the hand touching him. Unwanted and vile. He didn't want that hand near him. And so, his body defended him before his mind could catch up. Muscle memory, memory that had always served him well in prison; but not here, not here where he was safe at home with his sister and nephew. When he came to, Vic was on the ground, looking up at him in disbelief, hand on cheek. Had he done that? He didn't recall doing that. Her eyes were wide; she was scared of him. He had made her scared, in her own home. He moved to apologise and check on her, but she scooted backwards before he could touch her. That hurt. He wasn't a monster. He was just scared. 

He apologised until he couldn't anymore, but she wouldn't have it. He loved her, he would never hurt her, not on purpose. Why couldn't she understand?  

Chapter Text

Robert reckoned he couldn't come back from hitting Vic. He just hoped that she would find it in her to forgive him. It seemed she had when she let him spend time with Harry, alone. He didn't expect that, but he wouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth. He had spent years imagining and wondering the type of child Harry had become, and so far, he loved it. He was shy but personable, no sign of the evil that was his father. Vic had done a great job with him. He was heartbroken to have missed so much. 

He takes Harry to the cafe to spoil him with breakfast. He wasn't above bribing his way into the boy's good books. A hot chocolate and a chocolate-chip should do the trick, hell, it would do the trick on him right now. He had loved getting to know Harry, seeing his quirks and characteristics. He was in awe. Seb would be just two years older. They would likely be as thick as thieves, them and Eve, causing him, Aaron, Vic, Chas and Paddy grey hairs. They would constantly be on their toes, but they would love it. Him and Aaron would more than likely have had more children. It had been so close to happening when he left. He mourns for their children that never were. He had hoped for at least one baby girl, one with Aaron's dark unruly hair, and piercing blue eyes. He'd never be able to say no to her, much like with her dad. 

As if conjured, Aaron appeared at the counter of the cafe, busy on his phone. He ignored the younger man; he couldn't face him. The incident with Vic was still at the forefront of his mind, he feared that Aaron would be able to see right through him. He wasn't in the mood to explain himself right now. He knew that Aaron knew, Vic would've told John, who in turn would've taken joy in telling Aaron. Aaron wasn't his biggest fan right now, so Aaron would likely be in his face, taunting him. So you can imagine his surprise when Aaron sits in front of him, eyes soft. They conversed briefly; it was nice. It wasn't what he wanted, but it was better than an angry Aaron, it was better than nothing. 

Later when they got home, Harry thought it was a good idea to play a drum set that Robert didn't know the child owned. He didn't know where the boy got the idea from so suddenly. He played and played ... and played. And Robert was patient, he really was. But he was still only human, and he snapped. The child physically recoiled and then ran off. Robert tried to run after him, and just then, John showed up. Perfectly timed. Harry ran into Uncle John's arms, all safe and sound away from the monster that was Robert. 

John ran home and told Aaron that too. Anything to continue to vilify Robert. But Aaron still knew the man better than anybody ever did. Robert could be horrible sometimes, but not to children, never to children. And not his sister's child. No amount of prison time would change that about him. He couldn't help but defend him. 

‘He’d never do something like that. He was great with Seb.’  

Words like that meant nothing to John. 

John told Vic too, but that was a given. And she was not happy. He apologised, profusely. He didn't hit Harry, he wouldn't. Robert own memory of being hit still felt fresh. He would never inflict that on another child. Vic gives him an ultimatum: get his act together or leave. He wanted to leave, he really did. He didn't fit in the village anymore; nobody wants him there. He doesn't want to be there anymore. He was just there for Aaron, but the other man had made it clear how he felt about him. He had nothing left for him here anymore. 

But he had nothing now, nothing to his name. He had already spent most of what he could get his hands on, on Annie's. That was one thing to his name he didn't want to lose. He was going to build it up and then lock himself in it. He couldn't wait. He'd finally be alone where he couldn't hurt anyone anymore, but most of all, where no one could hurt him. 

He couldn't even take a proper moment to fantasize; John made himself at home in Vic's house, by now, he looked more at home than Robert did. Robert was the stranger. He was the one who was out of the loop, who didn't look right in the small house. He felt like a guest who was just stopping by, and John was the brother of the landlady who was here to check on the house and make sure the guest was still having a good stay, still behaving. Except John was there for the opposite; he was there to make sure that Robert was still feeling awful, still suffering. And he was. So all was good in John's life. He just had to hammer it home just in case Robert ever thought of growing stronger or bolder. Kick the dog while its down. 

And Robert was down. Lower than he had ever been. The walls felt like they were closing in. He couldn't breathe. Everything felt like too much. He was overstimulated, he could hear people milling about outside, cars driving down the road, could smell the coffee he had made earlier, the TV playing in the living room downstairs, could hear the voices of everyone who ever hated him, playing over and over in his ears: 

'You destroy everything you touch.' 

'You should've done the world a favour and dropped dead.' 

Coward 

Liar 

Cheat 

The cacophony overtook him, and he cracked. A roar ripped from within. A sound so alien, even to him. It continued and showed no sign of slowing down. He threw the first thing he could get his hands on, and it smashed into the mirror mounted on the wall. The cracked image of his face reflecting how he felt inside. He was broken, and nobody could fix him. He wanted somebody, anybody, to see him, and to reach out and help him; to pull him out of the darkness he had been drowning in for more than half a decade. 

He felt something strong and hard wrap around him. Something warm and familiar. A foreign feeling, something he hadn’t felt in years; someone pulling him out. A hand reaching into the cold darkness, reaching, reaching; making sure he didn't die. The sounds around him started to come back to him, like he was surfacing through the of a deep body of water.  

Aaron. 

It was Aaron’s voice that finally honed him home. Aaron’s arms that were enveloped around him, turning him around and forcing him to look into another sea of blue. A better sea, one that felt like coming home. He fell forward then; he could finally breathe.  

Aaron caught him so easily, like it wasn't a chore, like Robert wasn't a burden. 

Robert crumbled to the ground, and Aaron went with him, willingly, lovingly. 

He would've cried himself into a slumber if he hadn't wanted to keep his eyes open to spend any time feasting on the sight of Aaron. The pair was in the living room downstairs now, he didn't know how they get there. Aaron handed him a glass of water and somehow, it all felt very reminiscent.  

They spoke. Aaron was worried, that didn't surprise him too much. He wasn't the devil John was trying to make him. Robert felt comfortable enough to be vulnerable with him in that moment. And so he was, and in turn, Aaron was too.  

“I’ve missed you.” 

He looked down in defeat, like he hadn't meant to admit that out loud. But that too was a relief. The confession was heavy on his heart. He couldn't admit it to anybody else, not even himself, it felt fitting that Robert, the cause of the pain, be the one to hear it first; likely the only one who’d ever hear it. 

Robert recognised the confession for what it was, likely the only opportunity he’d have to be with Aaron like this. He reached over and placed a chaste kiss on Aaron’s lips. Aaron was waiting for it, it didn't shock him, he didn't move back or turn away; Robert leaned back to check, to make sure. When he saw the lack of hesitancy on Aaron’s part, he rushed forward and pulled him into a full smother of lips. Aaron reciprocated like he had been waiting for it, become a religious man and had been praying for it. 

There was little to no finesse between them. Too much tongue, teeth clanking together; but that didn’t dissuade the pair. They were teenagers all over again, overeager to learn every part of each other.  

They tripped over each other on their way upstairs, and neither of them even took notice of the ruin that was Robert’s bedroom; the bed was still intact, that was all that mattered, not that that would matter; anywhere would do.  

It all felt like a blur of memories although so much had changed. He loved being with Aaron, on top of him, under him, on his knees, legs folded to his chest, face pressed between thighs, mouth full; all of it. It was both overwhelming and not enough.  He lost count of the number of times he came. It was more than he had come in one session, that was for sure. When they finally caught their breaths, Aaron laid on his chest, face contemplative. He too hadn't experienced anything like that in years, not since Robert. It was fitting. Nobody else could give him this. 

But he was still a married man. 

“I should leave.” 

“No, let’s make this last a bit longer.” 

Robert wanted to milk the moment for all it was worth. 

They had slept together. And although that didn’t shock or worry Robert in the slightest, Aaron was a married man, he didn't want to make him a cheater, although he reckoned it was too late for that; but he didn't want to corrupt him to become like him. Aaron was good. 

“What does this mean for us? If you want me to leave the village, I will.” 

Still self-sacrificing when it came to Aaron. He was willing to ignore the large part of him that wanted Aaron if that meant Aaron could live with himself. 

“No, don’t be daft.” because Aaron too, was self-sacrificing in that way. He would rather drown in guilt and self-loathing if it meant he could still see a glimpse of Robert around the village. 

Neither wanted to separate. Aaron pulled his clothes on with a great deal of reluctancy; moving slower than he should’ve. He was meeting John later for tea at the pub, he needed to shower the smell of Robert and sex off of him as soon as possible. They lingered at the threshold of Robert’s bedroom door, noses bumping together, whispers shared between them, secrets only they knew.  

When Aaron finally left, Robert was left in a state of euphoria. He lay in his bed and stared up at the ceiling with a foolish grin on his face. Flashbacks of what they had just done replayed behind his eyes nonstop. He found himself grinning like a teenager when he remembered the feel of Aaron’s lips in the juncture of both his neck and thighs. He couldn't recall how long he had been laying there when he heard his phone ding with a text message. 

“Tomorrow, 13h00?” 

Aaron. 

He didn’t want to make Aaron into a cheater like him, but he sure as hell wouldn’t stop him if he offered.