Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Kakashi Hatake found himself unusually nervous — something quite rare for him.

Still, it wasn’t exactly strange to feel that way, not after what had happened in Konoha only a few days earlier. Just five days ago, an event had occurred that the villagers would have thought impossible. The Nine-Tails had appeared in the heart of the village as if out of thin air, laying waste to everything in its path. Countless homes had been destroyed, and many lives at been lost. But the losses that weighed heaviest on the young ANBU’s mind were those of his teacher, the Fourth Hokage Minato Namikaze, and his wife, Kushina Uzumaki. Worse still, their deaths had left their only son, Naruto Uzumaki, an orphan — born on the very night of the attack.

As if that weren’t enough, the boy, like his mother before him, had become the new Jinchūriki of the Nine-Tails. With no other way to halt the beast’s rampage, the only — and fastest — solution at the time had been to seal it within the newborn. Already, Kakashi had begun hearing whispers throughout the village, most of them cruel, directed at the child because of what he now carried. Each rumor only fanned the flames of resentment within him toward the people of Konoha.

If Kushina-sama were still alive, she’d have beaten half the villagers to a pulp by now. Kakashi thought, almost able to picture it — and in that imagined scene, he knew he would have joined her without hesitation.

He let out a sigh, pushing the thought away.

As he walked down the corridor toward the hospital room where Naruto was being kept, his pace quickened. His nerves buzzed in his ears, but that did little to slow him. Kakashi knew the boy would have no one in his life because of his burden as a Jinchuriki, and while he had no intention of trying to replace his parents, the very least he could do was be present in some way. Reaching the door, he drew in a deep breath, exhaled slowly, and braced himself for what awaited him on the other side. With a sharp push, he stepped into the room, ready to face whatever came.

The room was much like any other in the hospital: white walls, white tiled-floors, and the sharp scent of disinfectant lingering in the air. At its center stood a small crib — white as well — where Naruto lay. No one else was present, most likely because they had been informed of Kakashi’s visit.

His steps were tentative as he approached the crib and peered inside. His legs trembled faintly at the sight.

Naruto Uzumaki, his sensei’s son, was a perfect blend of his parents. He had Minato’s spiky blonde hair, blue eyes, and fair skin, but the shape of his face and eyes unmistakably mirrored Kushina. The most unusual feature were the whisker-like marks on his cheeks — no doubt the result of the Nine-Tails sealed within him.

With deliberate care, Kakashi touched the baby’s cheek. His visible eye grew wet when Naruto leaned into the touch, babbling softly.

Minato-sensei, Kushina-sama… Kakashi felt his lips tremble beneath his mask. He fought against the tears he had been holding back since their deaths. If you were here, you would tell me to protect your son no matter what…

Stepping back from the crib, he wiped at his eye. Determination now shone in his gaze. With one last glance at Naruto, Kakashi turned and left the room, heading straight for the Hokage’s Office.

Kakashi exhaled softly in front of the door that led to the Hokage’s office. Part of him questioned whether what he was about to say to the village leader was truly a good idea, but the thought of Naruto reminded him there was no turning back.

He raised his hand to knock, only to pause when he heard voiced from within. One of them was unmistakably the Hokage’s, but the other… no matter how hard he tried, Kakashi couldn’t place it. Still, now wasn’t the time to dwell on such things. Straightening his posture, he rapped his knuckles against the wood. The voices fell silent. After a brief cough, the aged voice of the Hokage called out.

“Come in.”

Pushing the door open, Kakashi entered and immediately saw the leader of the village — Hiruzen Sarutobi, the Third Hokage. Like many others, he too had lost someone dear during the Nine-Tails’ attack: his beloved wife, Biwako Sarutobi. Yet, once the chaos had ended and he had resumed the mantle of Hokage, one of his first acts had been to begin the village’s reconstruction. He had also enacted a law forbidding any mention of the Demon Fox — not only in an effort to bury the tragedy but also to ensure that Naruto could grow up with as normal a childhood as possible.

Besides him, however, stood a figure that immediately stirred Kakashi’s distrust.

It was none other than Danzō Shimura, one of the village’s three senior advisors. Known among shinobi for his extremist views, his deep suspicion of other villages — and even Konoha’s own allies — and his famous creed that ‘a shinobi has no need for emotions’, Danzō’s presence was never a good sign. If he was speaking privately with the Hokage, it could mean nothing but trouble.

“Good morning, Kakashi. What brings you here?” Hiruzen asked in his warm, measured voice.

“Hokage-sama, Danzō-sama…” Kakashi greeted, his tone betraying a trace of caution when he spoke the advisor’s name. His single eye turned toward the Hokage seated behind the desk. The sight struck him — it had only been days since that very desk belonged to his sensei. “I’ve come to speak about Naruto. About a decision I’ve made regarding him.”

“…Naruto?” Surprise flickered across Hiruzen’s features. “And what decision is that?”

“I would like to take responsibility for Naruto’s care, Hokage-sama. I feel it’s what I must do — as Minato’s sensei former student.”

Before Hiruzen could replay, Danzō cleared his throat. His gaze, cold and impassive, fell upon Kakashi as if the young ANBU were nothing more than an insect under his heel. “I trust you’re not serious, Hatake. You, responsible for something as crucial as the village’s Jinchūriki? I would sooner entrust the task to a fresh Academy graduate than to you.” Turning back to his old comrade, a faint smirk tugged at his lips. “Give the boy to me, Hiruzen. I will raise him personally. I’ll mold him into a shinobi of unparalleled strength — loyal, unfeeling, relentless. Everything a true ninja is meant to be.”

“If the concern is his training, Hokage-sama, I can handle that myself — provided I am allowed to care for Naruto,” Kakashi countered, his voice calm though taut with restrained emotion. “I’ll train him rigorously from a young age, as though he were preparing to join the ANBU.” He took a step forward, his gaze steady. “Please… trust me.”

“As if the Hokage would even listen to you, boy. Hiruzen, you know perfectly well what the best decision is, so hand the Jinchūri—”

Hiruzen raised a hand, silencing the advisor instantly.

“Danzō, while I appreciate your suggestion, I do not believe it wise for Naruto to be placed under your care. My wish — and that of his parents — is for him to grow up with as normal and happy a childhood as possible. You would give him the exact opposite. Therefore, my answer is no.” His eyes hardened as he fixed his old comrade with a cold stare. “And I must ask you to address me by my proper title. The same goes for Naruto — refer to him by his name, not by what he is.”

“Very well, Hiru— Hokage-sama.” Danzō corrected himself with practiced composure, his face returning to its mask of indifference. “If my presence is no longer required, I will take my leave. But remember this — I have offered you the best option.”

With nothing more to add, and fully aware that he was unwelcome, Danzō turned to depart. Yet before leaving, he paused, casting a subtle, calculating glance at both Kakashi and Hiruzen — his eye glinting with the suggestion of schemes yet unspoken. Then he was gone. Only after the advisor’s presence had fully vanished did Kakashi release a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding, the tension in his body melting away. Were it not for the Hokage’s presence, he might have reacted far less calmly.

“My apologies for speaking out of turn, Hokage-sama,” Kakashi said, bowing his head, disappointment evident in his voice. “But hearing how Danzō intends to mold my sensei’s son drove me to act without thinking. It won’t happen again.”

“Do not trouble yourself, Kakashi. I understand completely.” Hiruzen offered him a warm smile as he folded his hands together on the desk. “What you said earlier — were you sincere?”

Kakashi nodded firmly, his resolve returning in full. “I would never lie about something so important, Hokage-sama. I am certain of my decision to care for and raise Naruto. Minato-sensei entrusted me with protecting Kushina-sama while she was pregnant. I am certain that if both of them were still alive, they would have asked me to watch over their son as though he were my own brother. That is exactly what I intend to do.”

“I am glad to hear you wish to protect what remains of Minato’s family, Kakashi. However…” Hiruzen’s tone shifted, becoming heavier. “Are you truly confident you have what it takes to care for an infant? Over the years, many close to you have perished — your father’s suicide, the deaths of Obito and Rin, and now Minato and Kushina. I am not saying this to reject your proposal, but I want to ensure you’ve thought it through. Raising a child is no easy talk — I know this all too well — and far less so when that child is a Jinchūriki. You will need time, patience, and a proper home where you both can live. I would not assign you such a burden unless I knew you were prepared. And let us not forget — you are only fourteen.”

“I may be young, Hokage-sama, but I am an ANBU captain, and I became a jōnin at twelve. Caring for a baby will be far easier than completing an S-rank mission.” Kakashi dismissed the objection with a wave of his hand.

“You’ve just answered your own dilemma, Kakashi,” Hiruzen replied evenly. “You are an ANBU captain. That means your missions are far more dangerous than those of most shinobi. You cannot care for Naruto while also serving in the ANBU. And yet, are you still willing to raise him, knowing how difficult it will be for you — knowing you may have little to no support?” His gaze lingered on the young shinobi, eyes unreadable, as though weighing a decision that could determine the fate of an entire life. Which, in truth, it did. “If you wish, I can give you a few days to reflect on this choice. I would rather you take your time now that regret it later.”

Kakashi reflected deeply. Yes, he was the captain of an ANBU squad — but was that truly the life he wanted to continue living? Though part of him didn’t want to admit it, serving as Kushina’s bodyguard had drawn him closer to her and to the family she and Minato had been preparing to build. Faces surfaced in his mind: first Kushina’s, then Minato’s, and finally Naruto’s. In that moment, his resolve solidified. There was no turning back.

“Yes. I’m certain. In fact, I’ll resign from the ANBU if that’s what it takes.”

“Nothing I say will change your mind, will it?” Hiruzen asked. When the silver-haired youth shook his head, the Hokage smiled, his expression bright with genuine relief. “Good. Because I had no intention of stopping you. I’m glad you’ve chosen this path. My only alternative was to hire a personal caretaker for Naruto, but you are by far the better choice.”

“I promise to care for Naruto as though he were my own blood, Hokage-sama,” Kakashi said, bowing once more, gratitude evident in his voice.

“There’s no need to thank me. You were one of my firsts considerations when deciding who could look after him, given your connection to his parents. At first, I wasn’t sure it was wise — but now, I see I was right.” Hiruzen reached into a drawer and produced an envelope, passing it across the desk. “Inside are the documents you’ll need to sign in order to formalize Naruto’s adoption.”

“I’ll read them carefully at home,” Kakashi replied.

“And rest assured, you’ll receive financial assistance to help with the baby’s needs. Each month, you’ll be given a stipend to cover Naruto’s expenses.” The old Hokage lit his cherished pipe, took a few thoughtful puffs, and exhaled a stream of smoke. “One piece of advice I strongly recommend is finding yourself a larger home. You’ll be raising a child now — he’ll need space to grow, to move freely. Ideally, a house with a garden large enough for both play and training as he gets older. If you like, I can help arrange that.”

Never in his life had Kakashi felt as grateful as he did in that moment. Behind his mask, he smiled, and his single visible eye conveyed the happiness his face concealed. “You’re very kind, Hokage-sama. But I don’t wish to trouble further or waste more of your time.”

“Don’t apologize, Kakashi. This is no trouble to me. Minato and Kushina were dear friends of mine. I want nothing more than for their son to be cared in the best way possible. Helping you is a joy, not a burden.”

“Even so… Thank you for everything.” Kakashi bowed again, his voice quiet with sincerity.

With nothing more to be said between them, the young ANBU turned and left the office, leaving the aged Hokage alone. Now by himself, Hiruzen’s gaze shifted to the four framed portraits of Konoha’s past Hokage — including his own. His eyes lingered especially on the Fourth. In the photograph, Minato smiled softly, radiating quiet happiness.

Minato… I’m certain you and Kushina would be happy right now…

A faint smile touched Hiruzen’s lips as he took another draw from his pipe. But the expression quickly faded as his eyes fell upon his most hated enemy in the world: paperwork.

Being Hokage had its bitter moments.

Kakashi walked through the bustling streets of Konoha, where shinobi and civilian alike were working side by side to rebuild the homes and shops that had been destroyed. Progress was slow, but there was no mistaking the determination in the air — everyone was committed to restoring their beloved village to what it had once been, or perhaps making it even greater than before.

Before long, Kakashi arrived at a set of modest apartments — his own residence. The place wasn’t particularly spacious, but the rent was fair, and for someone who lived alone, it was more than sufficient.

He was about to unlock his door when—

“Kakashi, my eternal rival! My comrades and I have been searching for you everywhere! Where have you been!?” A booming voice rang out across the street.

…Of course, it could only be his self-proclaimed rival, Maito Gai.

Suppressing a sigh, Kakashi turned to see not only Gai, but also two of his other friends — Kurenai Yūhi and Asuma Sarutobi. Unlike Kakashi, who was already an ANBU captain, the three of them were still chūnin. Gai was his age, while Kurenai and Asuma were a year older. It wasn’t unusual for Gai to appear — he was forever eager to challenge Kakashi in the most ridiculous competitions — but why were Kurenai and Asuma here as well? Had something happened that required his attention?

“What’s going on?” Kakashi asked, his lone visible eye heavy with fatigue.

“Nothing’s wrong, Kakashi. We just wanted to talk, maybe spend some time together. We thought you may need it… especially after the deaths of Minato-sama and Kushina-sama.” Kurenai’s tone was firm, her hands planted on her hips.

“I’m fine. I was just speaking with Hokage-sama, that’s all,” Kakashi replied.

“Oh? Just speaking with Hokage-sama, huh?” Kurenai eyed him skeptically. Her gaze dropped to the large beige envelope in his hand. “And what exactly is in that envelope?”

Knowing how persistent she could be, Kakashi instinctively tried to hide it behind his back — but to no avail. With the speed of a striking hawk, Gai snatched the envelope from his hand in one smooth motion. Before Kakashi could stop him, his rival already opened it without a shred of hesitation. Asuma and Kurenai, driven by their own curiosity, leaned over to peer inside at the documents. Kakashi didn’t move. He knew they would find out eventually — whether today or another day — so what did it matter if the truth came out now?

“YOU’RE GOING TO ADOPT THE NINE-TAILS’ JINCHŪRIKI?!” The three of them shouted in unison, voices echoing down the street.

“Shhh!” Kakashi pressed a finger to his lips, his single eye narrowing as he scanned the passerby. A few people turned to glare at the sudden noise, but fortunately, it seemed they hadn’t caught the actual words. “Do you mind keeping your voices down? By the Sage of Six Paths, you’re insufferably loud.” Snatching the envelope back, he sealed it shut at once. “Yes, it’s true. I intend to adopt the son of Minato-sensei and Kushina-sama. Do you have a problem with that?”

“Not at all! In fact, I’m overjoyed that you’d take on such a noble responsibility, Kakashi!” Gai declared, flashing his trademark grin and triumphant thumbs-up.

“I feel the same. That poor child will need all the help he can get — not only because he’s an orphan, but also because of his burden as a Jinchūriki.” Kurenai smiled warmly, though her expression faltered as she noticed the cold look on Asuma’s face. “Asuma… is something wrong? You look angry about all this,” She asked softly, concern in her voice.

Asuma turned his gaze back to Kakashi, his eyes hard, a spark of restrained fury in them. “So you really intend to adopt that… thing?”

“Asuma!” Both Kurenai and Gai shouted at once.

“I hope I misheard you, Asuma… Did you just refer to Minato-sensei and Kushina-sama’s son as a thing? Kakashi’s eye narrowed dangerously on the Sarutobi, his teeth grinding behind the mask as a vein pulsed on his temple. “Friend or not, I won’t allow you to speak of their child that way. Do I make myself clear?”

The two locked eyes, fury sparking between them, until Gai stepped forward and placed a firm hand on each of their shoulders. “Perhaps we should continue this inside your apartment, Kakashi. People are starting to stare.”

The taijutsu prodigy was right. Civilians — and even a few shinobi — had stopped to watch, their expressions a mix of curiosity and annoyance at the commotion. Pulling away sharply, Kakashi unlocked his door and gestured for the three chūnin to enter before closing it behind them. Slipping off his sandals, Kakashi glanced around. His apartment was plain, almost spartan, and suddenly it struck him just how small it really was. If Naruto was going to live here with him, Hokage-sama had been right — he would need to find a larger home.

“Asuma… how dare you say something like that!” Kurenai snapped, arms crossed tightly as she glared at him. “Do you have a death wish, or have you simply lost your mind? You know how close Kakashi was to Minato-sama and Kushina-sama! I understand your anger, but that doesn’t give you the right to insult a baby like that!”

“Tcht.” Asuma turned away from her, jaw tight. His next words dripped with passive-aggressiveness. “And how exactly do you plan to take care of a baby, Kakashi? I don’t see how you’ll manage being in ANBU while raising him at the same time.”

Kakashi opened his mouth, ready to bite back — but he didn’t have to.

“Asuma!” Kurenai’s voice cracked with rage, her face flushed scarlet. “The Nine-Tails may have killed your mother, but that doesn’t justify lashing out at the baby — or at Kakashi — for choosing to protect him! What you’re doing is revolting, and honestly, I’m ashamed of you!” Her glare was sharp enough to cut steel. “And in case you’ve forgotten, Kakashi won’t be alone in this. I’ll help him in every way I can with the young Uzumaki.”

“I was thinking the same thing, Kurenai! You won’t face this burden alone, Kakashi. As your rival and friend, it will be my honor to stand beside you in this task!” Gai declared, his perfect-toothed grin gleaming.

“You really think it’s going to be that easy?” Asuma’s voice carried a mocking edge, though underneath was an attempt to sound pragmatic. “Let me tell you something — raising a baby isn’t playing house. I’ve had to look after the clan children more times that I can count when their parents were unavailable. They’re clingy, noisy, and vomit on everything. You won’t last a week.”

“Oh, please,” Kurenai scoffed, rolling her eyes. “On those D-rank missions where we had to look after kids, they adored me and behaved perfectly fine. The truth is, you’re just exaggerating, Asuma.”

“Well then, enjoy playing house with Kakashi,” Asuma muttered through clenched teeth, jealously simmering beneath his words.

Gai caught the look Asuma shot at Kakashi but couldn’t decipher the reason behind it. Still, although he couldn’t sense that jealously was fueling his friend’s anger, he knew that if he didn’t intervene soon, another heated argument would erupt. Clearing his throat loudly, he redirected the conversation. “Ahem… Kakashi, what about your work in ANBU? I mean, how will you balance being part of that unit with caring for the baby?”

“Don’t worry about that — I already have a solution.” Kakashi’s smile was hidden behind his mask.

“It’s such a shame Rin isn’t here…” Kurenai said softly. “I’m sure she would’ve been the very first to support your decision — and to help you. Not only because she would’ve loved seeing her sensei’s child, but also because she adored babies!” The kunoichi quickly covered her mouth, realizing too late that she had touched upon one of Kakashi’s unspoken taboos. “I-I’m so sorry… I know you don’t like talking about Rin or Obito, but I couldn’t help thinking of her in this situation…”

Kakashi waved a hand dismissively, though his lone visible eye carried a trace of melancholy. “It’s fine.” Inwardly, he recalled one of their earliest D-rank missions. Rin had been a natural at caring for children, while Obito struggled and argued with them. The two of you would be speechless if you could see this now.

“And the baby… when will he arrive?” Asuma asked, his tone a mix of curiosity and detached indifference.

“I still have to sign the paperwork that will finalize Naruto’s adoption. So honestly, I have no idea.” Kakashi shrugged, though in truth he hoped he’d have enough time to find a larger home and gather everything the baby needed. “I’ll let you know as soon as I find out.”

“The sooner the better!” Gai and Kurenai exclaimed at the same time.

“I can already picture it!” Kurenai clapped her hands together, her eyes shining. “Little Naruto will look up to me as his cool big sister, and he’ll beg me to teach him everything I know about genjutsu! I’ll make sure that when he becomes a proper shinobi, he’s a true master of illusions!”

“And I shall ensure that Naruto becomes one of Konoha’s greatest taijutsu users! And of course, he will need a worthy rival — someone to ignite his flames of youth!” Gai declared.

“GAI!”

“KURENAI!”

“GAI!”

“KURENAI!”

The two clasped each other in a dramatic embrace as if they were starring in a scene at sunset on a beach, their emotions swelling to absurd heights. Kakashi and Asuma exchanged bewildered looks, their faces twisting into identical expressions of distaste at the bizarre spectacle before them. A moment later, Kurenai shoved Gai away with a shriek as the reality of what she had just done hit her. The genjutsu prodigy looked mortified, disgusted with herself for having been swept up in one of Gai’s over-the-top dramatics.

“H-How could I let myself get dragged into one of Gai’s ridiculous scenes!?” She muttered, grimacing as her whole body shuddered. 

“You didn’t have to shove me that hard… You acted like I’d given you some incurable disease just by touching you,” Gai groaned, wincing as he rubbed his back. The push had sent him crashing to the floor with surprising force.

Asuma bent down and hauled him to his feet. “You say that like it’s the first time a girl’s rejected you that harshly.”

“it’s not my fault they can’t see my inner beauty!” Gai declared with dramatic indignation.

“Gai, I don’t mean to be cruel,” Kurenai began, her tone dripping with reproach. “But… your looks leave a lot to be desired. You’re my friend, but let’s be honest — your appearance isn’t exactly attractive. That bowl-cut hair, those massive eyebrows, and let’s not forget your obsession with those green spandex jumpsuits… And your personality is way too overwhelming. You should really tone it down a bit.”

“My personality is perfect, and my clothes are flawless!” Gai shot back, puffing out his chest. “It’s you girls who lack the vision to recognize true style when you see it!”

“Are you seriously saying I have bad taste just because I don’t like your ridiculous green spandex outfits?!” Kurenai snapped, eyes widening in outrage. She immediately turned her glare on Asuma, who stiffened as a cold shiver shot down his spine. “You’re on my side, aren’t you? Tell Gai that his appearance and those suits are hideous!”

“It’s obvious Asuma’s on my side!” Gai countered, his eyes blazing with fiery conviction. “We men have to stand united! Isn’t that right, Asuma?!”

“I… uh…”

Before he could escape, Kurenai and Gai were already in the middle of a heated back-and-forth, pulling poor Asuma into their battlefield whether he liked it or not.

From the sidelines, Kakashi watched them with his lone visible eye, weary but faintly amused. He sighed inwardly, though behind his mask, a small smile tugged at his lips. Their bickering reminded him so much of his own arguments with Obito — arguments that Rin had always been forced to mediate, scolding them both in the end as punishment. Even though his teammates were gone, it felt as though their spirit still lingered around him.

Il promise I’ll protect your son with everything I have, Minato-sensei… Kushina-sama…

Chapter Text

Days after Kakashi spoke with the Hokage about his decision concerning Naruto, he not only signed all the necessary documents to legalize the adoption procedures, but also resigned from the ANBU, returning to his former position as a jōnin. Once the baby Uzumaki was entrusted to him, the silver-haired shinobi had to face his next problem… finding a new place to live.

Four weeks went by, during which Kakashi tirelessly searched for houses. It wasn’t until the final week that he finally found — and purchased — a far better home than his old apartment, thanks to the Hokage’s support. It was a modest two-story house with three bedrooms — one for himself, one for Naruto, and a spare for any future guests — along with a bathroom on each floor, a living room, a kitchen, and even a backyard. The very same day he bought it, he began moving in. Fortunately, the process didn’t take long, as Kakashi owned very few pieces of furniture, and whatever else he needed he planned to acquire little by little.

However, the hardest challenge was only just beginning… caring for Naruto.

As expected, Kakashi has absolutely no idea how to raise a baby — let alone one as energetic as Naruto, something he discovered soon after the boy was placed in his care. Despite his age, Naruto seemed to overflow with energy, constantly demanding to play or at least to be given attention. Otherwise, he would burst into tears and cry for hours on end. To make matters worse, Kakashi quickly learned that Naruto was incredibly picky when it came to food, diapers, and even clothing.

And so began the jōnin’s days of ‘torture’ in his new home.

DAY ONE

Kakashi had purchased a brand of diapers from a shop, following the recommendation of a woman who swore they were the best on the market. Feeling relieved to have finally found the perfect solution for Naruto, he returned home unaware of the ordeal that awaited him. Once inside, he slipped off his sandals and headed into the kitchen, putting some groceries in the fridge and the rest away in the cupboards. Diapers in hand, he went straight to Naruto’s room, expecting to find the baby asleep… or so he thought — until loud, tearful cries filled the air.

“Please… let this brand be the right one,” Kakashi prayed silently to the Sage of the Six Paths and any other deity willing to listen.

Approaching the crib, he wished with all his heart that the baby’s accident had been liquid rather than solid. The gods seemed to grant his request, for when he lifted Naruto, he immediately noticed the diaper was only wet. With a sigh of relief, he discarded the soiled one and carefully fastened the new diaper from the freshly bought pack.

“There we go, much better, right?” Kakashi smiled with one eye closed, confident he had solved the problem — until, just a second later, the wailing resumed. “W-What!? You don’t like these diapers either!?”

Alarmed, he glanced at the wall clock. It was already 7:30 p.m. If he hurried — and he most certainly had to — he might still catch a shop that was miraculously open. His only option was to buy every brand of diaper available until he found one Naruto would accept. Resigned and weary, Kakashi placed the baby in his carrier, grabbed his wallet, slipped back into his sandals, and rushed out to the nearest store that sold diapers.

Little did he know it would take him an entire hour to finally discover the right brand.

DAY TWO

Now that Kakashi had solved one of the baby’s many problems, he thought he might finally enjoy some peace and quiet at home.

He was very, very wrong.

Although Naruto no longer resisted his new diapers, bath time and mealtime were another story entirely — like dealing with a demon straight from the depths of hell. As usual, Kakashi rose early in the morning — well, not exactly. In truth, he had only managed an hour of sleep. He set about preparing a bottle of formula for the baby. Naturally, he had bought yet another new brand, hoping this one wouldn’t cause as many problems as the last.

Naruto sat in his high chair, babbling impatiently as he waited for the meal he so desperately craved. Making sure the milk was warm but not hot, Kakashi approached, the infant’s tiny hands flailing in excitement — not just at the sight of the bottle, but also at the sight of his caregiver. Lifting Naruto into his arms, Kakashi guided the bottle’s nipple to the baby’s mouth. At first, Naruto drank eagerly, but soon he began to nurse reluctantly. Once the bottle was empty, Kakashi helped him burp, just as the nurses at the hospital has taught him.

“Did you like that, Naruto? They said this brand is the most popular with babies right now,” He remarked lightly. He was about to place Naruto back into the high chair to wash the bottle and prepare his own breakfast — when the baby suddenly burst into tears. “No, please… not again! What now!?”

His sharp tone only made Naruto cry louder, and Kakashi immediately cursed himself for yelling.

“I-I’m sorry, Naruto! I didn’t mean to raise my voice… But I don’t understand! I played with you, I fed you, and I know you haven’t had an accident. What else could it be!?” Kakashi cried out, already at the edge of his patience. Then it struck him — Naruto had started resisting the bottle halfway through. “D-Don’t tell me… you don’t like this brand either?”

The baby’s response? A burp that turned into a sudden eruption of vomit, splattering both of them in warm, sour milk.

Expression blank and spirit shattered, Kakashi trudged to the bathroom to draw water and clean the baby. Of course, bath time didn’t go smoothly either. Naruto was even more restless than usual, squirming and splashing so much that Kakashi ended up slipping in the tub and hitting his head against the wall — much to Naruto’s delight, as the baby’s laughter filled the bathroom.

Meanwhile, Kakashi, dazed and dripping, wondered silently what cruel twist of fate had cursed him with such misfortunes.

DAY THREE

At last, it seemed the gods had taken pity on him. Kakashi had finally found the brand of formula Naruto preferred. The discovery hadn’t been easy — especially since it was a rare product and stores rarely carried much stock — but at least he felt that his days of suffering might finally be repaid with a bit of peace and quiet.

With that fragile hope, Kakashi made his way to Konoha’s largest supermarket — the only one in the village that sold the elusive formula. Cheerful for once, he picked up everything he needed for the week before heading to the baby section. He grabbed Naruto’s favorite brand of diapers without issue, then began searching for the formula. But the further down the aisles he went, the more his confusion — and dread — grew. The brand was nowhere to be found.

“No, no, no… NO!” Kakashi cried out, nearly in tears. He scoured every shelf, but it was useless. He was about ready to tear his own hair out. “How can it not be here!? Where’s the Bessie-Jumpy formula!?”

“I’m sorry, young man, but that brand sold out hour ago,” Said a store clerk, taking pity on him. “We’ll be restocking tomorrow morning.”

Crushed and completely drained, Kakashi settled for the least offensive brand Naruto had tolerated in the past. On the way home, he couldn’t shake the feeling that some divine or cosmic force was deliberately toying with him for amusement. Normally, he never would have believed in such things. But given the way his days had gone lately, he was starting to think he truly was the victim of divine torture.

DAY FOUR

After yesterday’s disaster, Kakashi managed to buy a can of Bessie-Jumpy formula first thing in the morning. He would have stocked up on more, but there had been only one left on the shelves, and he wasn’t about to let the chance slip away.

Now it was 8:00 p.m., and Naruto should have been fast asleep. But as fate — or perhaps the gods who seemed to despise him — would have it, the baby was wide awake. The only things Naruto wanted were to eat and to play, and Kakashi was utterly exhausted. He had tried everything to make the boy sleep: playing with him for hours until he was worn out, feeding him until he couldn’t possibly eat anymore, even singing a lullaby from his own childhood — one his father had once told him his mother used to sing. In the end, he had been forced to summon Pakkun himself, just for help.

And like the loyal older brother he was, he stayed awake until his little sibling finally drifted off… at two in the morning.

Though dead tired, Kakashi felt a flicker of joy at finally seeing Naruto asleep. He stumbled to his own room, hoping to collapse onto his bed and sink instantly into slumber. But when his body hit the mattress, the opposite happened. No matter how desperately he longed to sleep, his mind refused to shut down.

So the night dragged on, Kakashi tossing and turning until at last, at five in the morning, he finally passed out — only to be woken moments later by Naruto crying over a soaked diaper.

After days of this relentless torture, Kakashi realized something vital: if he wanted to preserve even a shred of his sanity, he would need all the help he could get. Swallowing his pride, he summoned one of his ninken and sent urgent messages to his closest friends, begging for reinforcements. And so, Kurenai, Asuma, and Gai now stood outside Kakashi’s new home, gazing at it with surprise. They had been so busy with missions these past few weeks that they hadn’t even noticed their friend had moved. They had assumed Kakashi would eventually need a larger place for the baby, but none of them had expected him to manage it so quickly.

“Let’s knock, shall we?” Kurenai suggested. Both young men nodded, and she rang the doorbell. Five long minutes passed with no response. “Maybe he’s asleep… or out?”

Gai and Asuma shrugged. Just then, the door creaked open — and out stepped a figure with the look of someone who had been through hell itself.

It was Kakashi.

His clothes were wrinkled in several places, his mask was half falling off, his lone visible eye was bloodshot with dark, heavy circles beneath it, and his hair was more unkempt than they had ever seen — like he had just rolled out of bed after being trampled. On closer inspection, there was even dried vomit staining the front of his shirt, crusted over as if it had been there for hours.

The three of them froze, staring in shock with their jaws hanging open. None of them had ever seen Kakashi in such a state. He looked as though a stampede of wild animals had run him over.

“…Hello,” Kakashi mumbled, his voice flat and lifeless.

“K-Kakashi? I-Is that really you?” Kurenai and Gai asked in unison, unable to believe their friend and rival could look so pitiful.

“Yes…” He replied weakly.

“Don’t tell me… you’re this worn out just from looking after Naruto?” Asuma asked, trying — and failing — to keep the grin off his face. When Kakashi gave a silent nod, Asuma nearly choked before bursting into roaring laughter. “I told you so! Taking care of a baby isn’t easy at all! But you didn’t listen, and now you’re paying the price! I swear, I wish I had a camera right now — you look pathetic!”

Before Asuma could continue his teasing, Kurenai smacked him hard on the head, silencing him instantly.

“Hey! What was that for?” He protested.

“To shut that big mouth of yours, you fool.” Kurenai crossed her arms and shot him a reproachful glare. Moments like these always made her wonder how she could possibly be in love with such an idiot — but then again, love had never been rational. She turned her attention back to Kakashi. “From the look on your face and from what your summons told us, I’m guessing you called us here to help you take care of Naruto. Am I right?”

“Help me…” Kakashi pleaded, his voice barely above a whisper.

“That word says it all. Don’t worry — we’ll help you.” Kurenai declared firmly, not even waiting for the others to answer.

Relieved that his cries for aid had finally been heard, Kakashi let his friends into his home. They removed their sandals at the entrance and headed into the living room, where they found Naruto sitting on a baby mat decorated with little dog designs. The boy was happily playing with wooden blocks, clutching a rabbit-shaped security blanket in one hand. For a child who had been the source of so much stress, he now looked utterly peaceful.

“To be honest, I think you exaggerated when your dogs said this was a ‘life-or-death mission,’” Asuma remarked, eyeing Kakashi with suspicion. “What you really need is sleep.”

But Kakashi’s lone visible eye carried a manic gleam, twitching every so often. “That’s exactly what he wants you to think. He lulls you into a false sense of security, and the moment you let your guard down — BAM! He unleashes chaos.” His voice had taken on the edge of a madman, as though Naruto were a tiny criminal mastermind only he could perceive. “And of course I’d love to sleep, but this little monster doesn’t make it easy. He has way too much energy!”

“I only hope he keeps that energy when he grows up — then his flames of youth will shine even brighter!” Gai exclaimed, brimming with his usual strange philosophy.

“Leaving that aside… Kakashi, how many hours have you been sleeping these past few days?” Kurenai asked with deep concern. And she had every right to worry. The indisputable genius of their generation looked so utterly drained that she was sure even a fresh graduate from the Academy could defeat him in a duel.

“One… maybe two hours a day,” Kakashi mumbled groggily.

Their concern quickly turned into outright alarm. Was he serious? Had Kakashi really been surviving on only a couple of hours of sleep for days — perhaps weeks? How was he even still alive, let alone standing?

“That’s it. This has gone far enough. Kakashi, you’re going to take a nap. Now!” Kurenai ordered.

“B-But, the baby—” He tried to protest.

“No buts. You desperately need rest, and you’re going to get it. We’ll take care of Naruto. Leave everything to us.” Kurenai’s tone was sharp and commanding, taking the lead. “Before you go, is there anything in particular Naruto needs? I want to be sure we have everything covered so we don’t disturb you.”

“Well, his favorite diaper brand is Konohuggers, and his formula is Bessie-Jumpy. If you want to survive, you’d better stick to those. Trust me.” Kakashi’s voice was unusually serious — deadly serious.

“Don’t worry, we’ll handle it,” Asuma assured him.

“N-No, it’s not just that. You can’t leave Naruto alone for even five minutes, or he’ll either start crying or cause total chaos. A-And don’t forget to read him his favorite story, ‘The Seven Jōnin and the Snow Princess’, after meals, or he’ll throw a fit. And also…” Kakashi kept rambling on and on, his mutterings sounding more like the incoherent warnings of a madman than actual instructions.

“Yes, yes, we get it. Just leave everything to us,” Kurenai cut him off.

Still muttering, Kakashi didn’t even notice that none of his three friends were paying him the slightest attention — or that Kurenai was dragging him down the hall toward his bedroom. How she knew where his room was, he had no idea, but at that point it hardly mattered. Once they arrived, Kurenai didn’t even have to force him into bed. The moment his body touched the sheets, it was as if the last scraps of energy drained out of him, leaving him completely still. He made one last weak attempt to protest, insisting they would need his help since he knew Naruto better than anyone, but he was silenced instantly when Kurenai shot him a chilling glare.

“You’re going to stay here, quietly, and sleep as long as you need,” She said with a kind smile. That smile, however, quickly turned from gentle to downright menacing when Kakashi tried to object. “Don’t make me use a genjutsu on you.”

The threat shut him up immediately.

With one problem out of the way, Kurenai returned to the living room, where Gai and Asuma were busy making silly faces at Naruto. The baby was overjoyed, clapping his little hands and giggling nonstop. Clearing her throat, Kurenai drew everyone’s attention. The next step was to decide who would stay with the baby while the others went shopping for supplies.

And she already knew the perfect candidate.

“Kakashi’s resting, and we mustn’t disturb him,” Kurenai declared. “That said… one of us will stay here with Naruto, while the others head out to buy what he needs. Asuma, you’ll be the one staying.”

“What? Why me?” Asuma demanded, sounding offended.

“You said yourself you’ve looked after plenty of babies and young children in the Sarutobi Clan, didn’t you? By that logic, you should have the most experience caring for an infant.” Kurenai’s voice was innocent, but her words earned her a sharp glare from Asuma. “Besides, consider this your punishment for the way you spoke about Naruto a few weeks ago.”

Those words struck a nerve.

Asuma flinched, stepping back with a grimace as the memory resurfaced. He could still recall the day he’d made the mistake of referring to Naruto as a ‘thing’. When he returned to the Sarutobi Compound, both his father and older sister had given him the scolding of his life. Not only had they berated him for his misplaced resentment, but they had also made him endure three entire days of cold silence from the family. The last thing Asuma wanted was to relive that humiliation.

“…Fine. I’ll do it,” He muttered in defeat.

“Thank you for being so understanding, Asuma. Now then, let’s go, Gai. If we want to buy everything Naruto needs, we’ll have to reach the shops before they close,” Kurenai said in a singsong tone.

“Onward!” Gai declared enthusiastically.

Waving goodbye, Kurenai and Gai left, leaving the Sarutobi in the living room with the baby. Naruto had stopped playing with his blocks and was now staring at Asuma intently, his deep blue eyes unblinking, almost piercing. Asuma shifted uncomfortably under the baby’s gaze. It was as if those eyes could see straight through him.

“W-What is it? Do I have something on my face or what?” Asuma asked the baby, half-expecting a reply — only to realize how ridiculous that was. “Right… you can’t talk yet.”

The teenager fell silent, locking eyes with Naruto again. The baby stared right back. Locking closer, Asuma couldn’t help but notice how much the kid resembled his father, Minato, with just a few hints of Kushina in his features. The only thing that didn’t come from either parent were the whisker-like marks on his cheeks — almost certainly the result of the Nine-Tails’ chakra.

Asuma frowned.

It had only been a few weeks since the Demon Fox’s Attack, since his own mother’s death… but no. He shook his head. He wasn’t going to think about that now.

Sighing, he glanced back at Naruto, who was happily babbling in baby talk. “For someone who supposedly drove Kakashi insane, you’re awfully calm right now. I bet he was just exaggerating, seeing as he’s never actually taken care of a baby before.”

Naruto’s reply was to blow a bubble of drool, which popped seconds later.

“…I have no idea how to take that answer,” Asuma muttered, eyes wide. He sat cross-legged on the floor, scanning the living room before returning his gaze to the baby. Another sigh slipped out. “Can’t talk to Kakashi since he’s out cold, so I guess that leaves you. Even if you don’t understand me.”

Tilting his head in thought, Asuma took a moment before an idea lit up in his mind.

“How about I tell you a little about Kurenai? You see, she’s not just an incredible kunoichi — she’s a pretty amazing person too. She’s kind, beautiful, and ridiculously smart. One of her favorites hobbies is studying and refining new genjutsu, to the point where she’s considered one of Konoha’s very best genjutsu users… y’know, aside from the Uchiha and Kurama, of course. And…”

Asuma kept rambling on about his friend, completely absorbed in his own words. So much so that he failed to notice the way Naruto was watching him — with an expression that could only be described as bored out of his mind. In one tiny hand, the baby gripped a wooden block.

“I could go on for hours about her if I wanted… She’s fantastic. I’m sure in a few years, you’ll have someone you feel the same way about. Just don’t rush things, kid.” Asuma smiled at the baby — only for Naruto to suddenly hurl the block straight into his forehead, leaving behind a red mark. Worse still, the little rascal clapped his hands and laughed, clearly proud of himself. “You little brat…” He growled, glaring at the giggling baby.

Gai and Kurenai headed straight for the place where they could find everything a baby might need: Konoha’s Commercial District. Rows upon rows of shops stretched out before them — stores selling clothes, food, school supplies, books… and, of course, those catering exclusively to shinobi and aspiring ninja. Practically anything could be found in that district.

Some shops remained closed, either because it was too early for business hours or because they were still under repair. The scars from the Nine-Tails’ Attack were still visible throughout the village, after all.

“This is what we need to buy,” Kurenai informed her friend, holding out a slip of paper with the brands written clearly. “We must get these, no exceptions.”

“Don’t worry! I won’t fail this mission!” Gai declared with fiery determination.

“Good. I’ll handle the diapers, and you’ll take care of the milk,” Kurenai assigned, glancing up at a nearby clock. The hands pointed to 9:30 a.m. “If my calculations are right, we should be done in an hour or two. And Gai — make sure you brought your wallet. I’m not paying for you again like three months ago. You still owe me money.”

“Aw, come on, don’t be like that! How was I supposed to know those special weighted seals would cost so much? I only wanted the best of the best to push myself to greater strength!” Gai complained loudly. Then, after patting himself down, he added: “And no, I didn’t forget my wallet… I think.”

“I’ll believe you… for now,” Kurenai muttered. “Once we’re done, we head straight back to Kakashi’s. Got it?”

“You can count on me, Kurenai! I won’t rest until I’ve scoured every shop in Konoha and purchased every last carton of Naruto’s favorite milk brand!” Gai’s voice boomed with passion, his eyes burning with conviction. An almost visible aura of fire erupted around him, drawing puzzled stares from passing shinobi and civilians alike. “If I fail, I’ll hop on one leg around the entire village a thousand times and eat a hundred bowls of the spiciest curry in Konoha!”

“…Gai, I get that you like setting yourself challenges, but this isn’t necessary. Calm down,” Kurenai tried to soothe him, failing miserably.

“NO! This mission must be accomplished at any cost! I will succeed! The Flames of Youth burn within me, and they will never abandon me!” With that, Gai bolted at top speed, leaving behind a cloud of dust where he’d just been. “TO VICTORYYYY!”

Kurenai reacted the only natural way — by facepalming.

I know Gai can be a little… No, who I am kidding? He’s EXTREMELY competitive and energetic. But was that kind of reaction really necessary? This isn’t one of his ridiculous contests with Kakashi — we’re just helping because he needs us! For the Sage of Six Paths’ sake, calm down a little, Gai! She groaned inwardly, exasperated by her friend’s flamboyant personality. Knowing him, he’ll not only find the milk but also manage to annoy half the village along the way… Ugh!

Trying the steady her nerves, Kurenai continued through the district in search of a baby supply store or supermarket, deliberately ignoring the odd looks people sent her for associating with that teenager.

“You’re scaring off the customers! Get out!” the shopkeeper yelled.

The person who shuffled out under the glares of the owner and several patrons was none other than a very dejected Gai. It had been barely thirty minutes since he’d begun his search for Bessie-Jumpy milk, and this wasn’t the first time he’d been thrown out of a store. In fact, it was the fourth. Always for the same reason — being too loud and disruptive. At first, the green-clad shinobi thought they were overreacting, but after being ejected from four different shops for the exact same offense, even Gai had to admit the problem might actually be… him.

“Kurenai said we had to be back at Kakashi’s within one or two hours… I still have some time, but what if I get thrown out of another store?” Gai muttered, scratching his chin in thought.

“Hey, Gai. How’s it going?” A familiar voice called.

Looking up, Gai spotted his old teammate, Genma Shiranui. Unlike Gai and their other comrade, Genma had risen to the rank of tokubetsu jōnin thanks to his mastery of ninjutsu — especially space-time techniques. His skill had been so refined that he’d once been appointed one of the Fourth Hokage’s elite bodyguards, even entrusted with a personalized variant of the Hokage’s Flying Thunder God Technique.

“Oh, hey! Didn’t see you there,” Gai greeted warmly. “I’m fine, except for one tiny problem — I can’t find a shop that sells a baby formula called Bessie-Jumpy.”

“Bessie-Jumpy?” Genma repeated. “Yeah, I think I’ve heard my mom mention it. Some kind of infant formula, right? At least, that’s what I gathered from something she said a friend told her — she’s got a baby, apparently.” He frowned, a little confused as to why Gai of all people would be hunting down such a product. “If I remember right, the Nakamura Baby Store should carry that brand. But, uh… why do you need it, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Oh, it’s for Kakashi’s baby,” Gai replied matter-of-factly.

Genma’s jaw dropped. For a full second, he thought he’d misheard — or that his ears desperately needed cleaning. That couldn’t be right. Kakashi… with a baby? Impossible. Right?

Glancing at a nearby clock, Gai realized his time for shopping was running short. “It’s been great seeing you, but I’ve got to run! Farewell!”

Without another word, the green-clad ninja rocketed down the street in a cloud of dust, heading straight for the shop his friend had pointed out. Meanwhile, Genma remained frozen in shock, Gai’s words replaying in his head again and again. He’d known Gai for years, fought beside him countless times. If there was one thing he could vouch for, it was that Gai was terrible at lying. Which meant…

“Kakashi… has a baby?” Genma whispered, still unable to fully process it. Pinching his arm to make sure he wasn’t dreaming, he confirmed grimly. “Nope. Wide awake.” Then his expression hardened with urgency. “I have to tell everyone about this!”

It seemed Kakashi’s life was about to get a whole lot more complicated.

“I just know Naruto will look adorable in these! And this rattle — he’ll love it! I can’t wait to see his little face when I give him these gifts!” Kurenai exclaimed excitedly, holding up a pair of sky-blue booties and rabbit-shaped rattle. “Though I’d better not forget why I came here in the first place… otherwise this trip will be pointless. Luckily, I’m already in the baby section, so the diapers should be around here.”

Placing the items into her shopping basket, she scanned the shelves in search of the Konohuggers brand.

“Attention, dear customers.” A woman’s voice rang out over the supermarket loudspeakers. Like everyone else, Kurenai paused to listen. “We are now offering a 30% discount on all diapers in the baby section. Thank you for your attention, and have a pleasant day.”

That was when disaster struck.

A massive stampede of women — plus a handful of men swept up in the frenzy — charged straight toward the baby section where Kurenai was standing. She had already managed to snag two packs of Konohuggers and was reaching for a third… when suddenly, a hand clawed it right out of her grasp. And that was only the beginning. The horde clawed, shoved, even bit one another in their desperate scramble to grab as many packs of diapers as possible. It was less a sale and more a savage free-for-all.

“Hey! That wasn’t necessary,” Kurenai said firmly, folding her arms.

“Shut up!”

“Come on, there’s no need to get so worked up over a sale,” She tried again, voice calm and reasonable.

It backfired spectacularly. The mob grew even more furious, particularly after being ‘lectured’ by someone so much younger. One woman shoved Kurenai to the floor, snatched her basket, and sneered.

“Calm down, you say? What would a brat like you know about bargains!? You’re way too young to be lecturing us! And look at you, buying baby supplies at your age — ha! You must be one of those spoiled, promiscuous little girls who can’t keep her legs closed!”

Kurenai froze.

Brat? Spoiled? P-PROMISCUOUS!? A vein pulsed visibly on her forehead. Every trace of kindness drained from her expression, replaced by burning fury. D-Did this HAG just call me all that!? That’s it — no more Ms. Nice Kunoichi! Her face flushed scarlet, eyes blazing as she glared at the woman and then at the entire mob. The offender realized instantly that she had massively miscalculated. “I’ve had it with you savages! Let’s see how you like this!”

Her hands blurred through a series of seals, and moments later, everyone in the section collapsed to the floor clutching their heads. Calmly, Kurenai retrieved her basket, replaced the stolen items, added another pack of Konohuggers, and strode off toward the checkout.

None of them realized I trapped them in a genjutsu. Then again, they were all civilians — it’s no wonder. Maybe this will teach them not to act like wild animals.

The illusion she’d cast had been simple, but brutal: every last one of them now saw their partner cheating on them with someone younger. She knew it was forbidden to use ninja skills on civilians, but at this point, she couldn’t have cared less.

“Now to find Gai and head back to Kakashi’s,” Kurenai said with a sweet smile, as though nothing had happened.

Kakashi slowly opened his eyes, yawning as he stretched his arms to shake off the lingering drowsiness. With one lazy glance at the clock on his nightstand, he figured it had been about six hours since Kurenai had practically forced him into bed. With another yawn, he got up and headed toward the living room — the most likely place his friends would be, along with the baby. His hunch was correct: his friends were gathered around an especially giggly Naruto.

But when Kakashi walked closer, he realized something strange. All three of them were… asleep. Slumped right there around the baby. Two shopping bags sat abandoned in the corner.

“…Did something happen?” Kakashi raised his voice just enough to stir them.

The three began to wake groggily, then, the instant they spotted him, they shot up with alarming speed and surrounded him, their eyes bloodshot and full of wrath. Asuma even grabbed Kakashi by the collar and shook him despite clearly being exhausted.

“You’re going to pay for this, Kakashi… and dearly!” Asuma growled, barely keeping his strength up. Kurenai and Gai backed him up, equally furious.

“What?”

“The next time you want us to help babysit Naruto, you’d better treat us to a restaurant meal!” Kurenai snapped, dark bags under her eyes and fury on her face. “I am not putting up with that woman’s insults ever again!”

“I don’t know who this ‘woman’ Kurenai is ranting about, but I fully agree about the restaurant!” Gai boomed.

“…What?” Kakashi repeated blankly.

After a long and painful explanation of everything that had happened while he was peacefully asleep, his friends finally left — but not before reminding him that next time the four of them went out, he would definitely be the one footing the bill. Left alone with Naruto once more, Kakashi stared at the baby, baffled yet oddly relieved that he’d finally managed to catch up on sleep.

THE NEXT DAY

“I really hope you like all these congratulatory cards and gifts, Kakashi! They are from me and my mom. She nearly fainted when I told her you had a baby!” Genma declared, proudly handing his friend a large gift basket.

“…W-What?” Kakashi stammered, an involuntary eye twitch starting.

“No need to be embarrassed, Kakashi. The other day I ran into Gai — he told me he was shopping for your kid. Sure, you’re still young, but hey, sometimes life throws you a baby before you’re ready.” Genma said it as if it were no big deal. “Anyway, I’ve got a mission with Kotetsu. Bye!”

As soon as the brown-haired tokubetsu jōnin was out of sight, Kakashi cursed his rival’s name to the heavens.