Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

AN’ crack fic semi serious.

Bone

He was cold, trudging through the Canadian wilderness too…

He wasn't entirely sure yet, but hindsight would probably make it pretty obvious.

Waking up in the body of a criminal, supposedly one of the worst in an inescapable prison where we were literally just left to die.

Getting sent here was just a fancy execution with even more cruelty than I cared to think about.

And so I broke out, not even going to try and explain that one, all you need to know is I killed Teacher and took his stuff and then I rizzed up the Faerie Queen.

Only a minor exaggeration but you get the point and if not I don't care.

Little to busy running away like a bitch to care at the moment, chances are that Dragon is hot on my trail or just waiting for me outright, neither good.

So I'll have to take the long way home.

The scenic route wasn't something I was opposed to but the situation I was in had me wishing I could hasten along my departure from Canada, I've well overstayed my welcome in my opinion.

I also had exactly no idea where I was going, I could run into Heartbreaker for all I knew, wouldn't that be fantastic.

Tree's, Snow, more trees and snow, I was really starting to hate the color white, and given my history with the E88 it said something that this is what's making me hate it.

It felt like I'd been running for days, well, less running and more catapulting myself with bones, having super powers was sweet, but man were the drawbacks not worth it in the slightest.

I was Marquis in Worm and I had just broken out of the Birdcage through what I will admit was dumb luck and looney tunes level of logic, so effectively pure skill.

If I see more snow when I get over this hill I swear-

“Fuuuuu!!!!”

___

It has been a few days or so, and I still hadn't found anything truly resembling civilization, I had packed food of course, the Birdcage wasn't inescapable just by name after all, no matter how far I'd gotten so far this was still definitely an attempt at a breakout.

I was frustrated, wandering aimlessly through the Canadian wilderness like a moron with no clue where I was or where I was going, I was just wandering in a single direction.

And then I saw it, a building!

I almost broke down in tears at the sight, it was proof of progress, tangible progress!

It took a force of will, not something I still believed I truly had after a decade or so in the Birdcage to not rush in blind and stupid, and instead I burrowed into the ground to sneak in, it was a little paranoid maybe but he was immediately validated by what he heard through the walls.

“Dragon-... Tea-... ead … Geoff, please listen!”

Geoff, Geoff… I didn't know who that was, I also didn't care that much, but it seemed he was related in some way to Teacher, but then there was also the mention of Dragon?

“I can't Mags! He can't be dead, if he is, all of this will have been for nothing!”

Another voice cut off Mags before she could reply, quieter and with a thick accent that made his words entirely incomprehensible, Mags… wait, were these guys the Dragonslayers?

That would be stupid, no way I just stumbled onto their base without them detecting me, that didn't make any sense, the conversation moved away to where I couldn't follow without destroying things.

So…

A few broken bone and bone baseball bats and a lot of screaming later and I was now looking at obviously stolen Dragon tech, and the box, Ascalon?

It didn't matter, I didn't know if just destroying the box would do anything to harm Dragon, and in spite of my personal feelings and opinions about Dragon, she was a good person.

She could do a lot to keep my Amelia safe if she was unchained…

I don't know how to work her Technology, I'm no Tinker and obviously no Thrawl of Teacher, so I couldn't just use one of the suits to fly to Brockton, and that wouldn't exactly endear me to anybody if I just showed up in a Dragonslayer suit.

Lots of things to consider, but first I should probably stop Saint from bleeding out, don't get me wrong the man probably deserved to die but I was far from one to talk on that matter.

Starting this second life with the murder of a brainwashed man wasn't how I wanted the buildup to my reunion with Amiela to go.

Teacher didn't count, that was a civil service to every man, woman and child on the planet and beyond.

…I'd ask Amiela if she preferred Amy when I got to her.

If I got too her, and frankly for all I knew I'd accidentally doomed everything by getting…

Isekaid? Transmigrated, reincarnated ugh, thinking about it made me ape brain hurty, so I'll just put a pin in that for another time.

Preferably never, but I probably needed therapy anyway…

Why was I acting like I'd gotten amnesty instead of breaking out and being on the run from the law?

Amiela probably hates me…

…Nope fuuuck that, I'm going to think about something more pleasant, like the Nine or the Endbringers or Zion.

Well for one thing this was either an AU or Contessa was being lazy, or I'm being arrogant in assuming I'm that special, could be anything really, so instead I'll just keep going and hope something happens.

I looked down at Saint, having gotten lost in thought for a bit, that's a lot of blood he lost, using bone to stop the bleeding and strengthening his marrow for a second to help with a bit of healing before turning it back to normal.

He'll probably be fine.

Now I just had to checkout and secure the rest of the base, tie everyone up, get access to communication to contact the…

Hmmm, who?

Do I really want to contact the PRT or the Guild?

I was THE Birdcage escapee, I'm surprised it took me this long to get into a fight.

Had the number changed since I'd been locked up?

Questions filled my mind, crowding my already packed mind with more things to think over, bothering to list all of my problems would be such a monumental waste of time that I honestly cringed just thinking about it.

I stopped when I looked into a room, likely one of the sleeping quarters of one of them, it's got computer's, tech, tinker tech all that fancy stuff some of which I don't recognize, a lot I don't recognize actually.

None of that was what drew my attention though…

A bed, a genuinely decent bed.

Some things can wait until after I've had a decent sleep in ten years.

Chapter Text

Getting out of bed was way harder than it had any right to be, arguing with my rebellious mind and body, having a back and forth dialogue with myself.

‘Snuggie.’

‘But what about the world though?’

‘...Snuggie.’

‘A very persuasive argument, but all of Ameila’s trauma we can prevent though.’

‘...Cheater.’ and so it was that I finally got out of bed, after a lengthy pep talk with myself.

Do they have any coffee in this base?

All I found was Tea and Hot Cocoa, all brands neither half of me recognized, Canadians, I really shouldn't be surprised by their barbarity.

The Tea turned out pretty good in the end.

Now what to do with the Dragonslayers and Ascalon…

Could I just mail the damn thing to Colin Walis AKA Armsmaster?

Not from here I think, I'll just ask Mags and the guy with the funny accent, Saint was still a bit delirious from blood loss but recovering well.

The funny accent guy just cursed me out a bunch, at least I think that's what he was doing I really can't tell, might have been begging for him and his friends lives, again hard to tell.

I really felt like a dick when he started crying though, I may have hurt his feelings…

Mags proved far more helpful, apparently there was a way I could mail Ascalon to Armsmaster, it was a bit convoluted and seemed like an obvious trap, so I wasn't going to do it, but it was there supposedly.

I really didn't want to have to torture anyone, especially a woman, but Saint kind of deserved it anyway so…

Thankfully the threat of violence against her hubby caused Mags to spill the beans on the actual way to communicate with the outside world, it wouldn't be a very good organization if they couldn't sell their services after all.

They had plenty of contacts in the criminal world, and other things that could be useful but I only needed clothes, a car and some money.

I'd been walking around for a while in nothing but my prison clothes and I couldn't walk into a city like that and not get caught, I detested walking anymore and I was Marquis!

I couldn't be caught dead being deadbeat broke, not a penny to my name, it was simply unacceptable.

What if Amelia saw me like this? She'd be…

I don't really know, concerned maybe since their no way she'd recognize me, Brandish you-

No, no, think Marquis think!

*Big Thinking.

…I got nothing, I let out an audible sign of frustration.

‘What was it again? “Fuck it we ball”?’ guess that's the plan, again.

I took a deep breath, like an obnoxiously long and deep breath before letting it out.

Believe in the heart of the card's Yugi, time to lock in.

The date is March 18th.

2009.

Fuck, their goes Canon, could be worse I guess…

What should I do? Well I obviously have to unchain Dragon, but I'd prefer to get her on side first, how to do…

Eh, if I'm useful enough it'll work, and catching Saint will probably earn brownie points, I'll just put them in the mail to Brockton Bay and hand them over to Armsmaster along with Ascalon.

Outside of that I guess I'll drive them there.

I looked at Mags and asked, “do you guys have a car?” She nodded her head rapidly.

Good, well with that settled all I have to do is get them to Brockton Bay in one piece, honestly probably the easiest part of all this, the hard part would probably be talking to Armsmaster and possibly getting caught by Dragon.

So I grabbed anything that looked important and loaded it into the super tactical mercenary van they had, looked advanced but I didn't think it was Tinker tech.

Both Mags and Saint fully restrained in the backseat, funny accent guy in the trunk with some of the less important stuff, the mattress from last night tied to the roof of the car and Ascalon in the passenger seat with its seatbelt on.

Driving off I was immediately reminded I didn't know how to drive this thing when I smashed something and put the car in forward, garage door opening to let me out.

Once I'd gotten a fair bit away I checked the rear view mirror and saw the base on fire, I had to immediately refocus as I almost ran into a ditch.

This continued for quite some time until we got to a town, I didn't actually need anything from here, Town “I'm not going to bother learning your name” was way too backwater for me to find anything of value, but bathroom breaks were a must.

After that alongside food we continued on our way, that night I lay on the mattress tied to the roof and made an umbrella of Bone to shield the whole car from rain.

Everything was good, nobody recognized me in town, funny accent guy only got a bump on the head from my poor driving and all three Dragonslayers now longed to be locked away, as far from me and my driving as possible, truly all in a days work for Marquis…

Marquis the hero.

That was super corny I thought with a smile and a chuckle as I thought about holding Amelia snuggly when she was a baby, well more young kid than infant but close enough.

Maybe saving the world could be fun, and being a father might stick this time, I thought as I drifted off.

Chapter Text

He parked the car as he got out, rubbing his face as he did so to try and relieve some of the grogginess and exhaustion that came from being in close proximity with stupid people.

Like Saint.

Or bus drivers.

Try to cut me off in a school zone? Popped his tires is what I did, sure I'd had to panicky stop a collision with a small child but it was the principle of things!

Had it been unwise? Definitely.

Would I absolutely do it again if given the chance? Also definitely.

…I wasn't going to blame this on the twenty hours of driving making me stir crazy, it was a choice I made, and men owned up to their mistakes.

Sighing lightly as I handed over a twenty, well what passed relatively for a twenty in Canada, I thanked the nice cashier lady and headed back to pump the gas.

A police officer drove by, it wasn't some grand thing in it of itself given how fucked up the world had become, but I made a note of it, giving a lazy wave as they passed.

It was probably just my paranoia talking, but I could have sworn that was the same set of officers I'd passed twice already down the street and on the highway here.

And I didn't really believe in coincidence anymore, I smiled with only a single thing on my mind as they finally vanished from sight, fuck.

I considered my options, nearest heroes were probably- not probably it just was the Guild, which meant Dragon was likely on my ass now.

Huffing a little I realized the pump had finished a few moments ago and quickly finished up and got back in the truck, tapping the wheel absently as I pulled out and onto the road.

I could be getting jumped by a group of independent heroes any moment, I thought with a shrug, so it wasn't worth truly worrying about it at all.

~five minutes later

I stared at the road, the shitty, unmaintained road, full of holes and humps and bumps and…

I squinted to get a better look, a homeless man, probably, and made a sharp turn to get on the sidewalk, ignoring the terrified screams of like three people scrambling out of the way as I did so.

Driving on the sidewalk until the road looked better I pulled back on, I looked out the window and caught sight of a quaint little park.

Watching a homeless man kick a dog, I couldn't tell the breed.

Slamming on the breaks I was out of the car and in my armor running full sprint towards the shit outta luck son of a bitch.

I must have been screaming in blind rage cause he abruptly turned around, eyes blowing comically wide as he turned to run, leaving the dog cowering in his wake as he all but trampled the poor pup while running away.

I considered giving chase, he deserved to be taught a lesson and there were few things I hated more than poor people and animal abusers.

But making sure the dog was okay was more important, and trash like him wouldn't be worth the effort.

…this whole hero thing might be a bit harder than I thought, I was exaggerating because I was angry, but not as much that I was really comfortable about it.

Guess I really was a supervillain, pushing those thoughts aside I crouched down to be eye level with the little guy, he was terrified, that was plain as could be to anyone with eyes and a brain.

I slowly presented a nice looking bone to the little guy, waiting till he had shiny little puppy dog eyes before jestering to the truck, his little tail began to wag the tiniest bit as I offered him the bone.

Scooping him into my arms as he, and it was a he, I checked, gnawed happily on the bone I gave him, tail wagging a bit faster now as I placed him in the passenger seat, I think one of the two in the back stirred slightly but they didn't wake up.

Getting moving again I thought about what this might change, I'd have to get the little guy a few things, like food.

I drove.

Maybe I should contact Narwhal and give her Ascalon and the Dragon Slayers…

They were closer, and it didn't really change the existing risk of just no longer being in the Cage, if somebody who could manage the feat found me and knew who I was I'd die, it was that simple, Narwhal was a very real threat in that regard, and Dragon could certainly lay on the hurt.

And that wasn't even counting any other member of the guild, canon didn't explore them nearly as much as the Protectorate and such.

I sighed, maybe I just dropped them off with some incriminating shit in front of a police station…

Possibilities, possibilities…

My eyelids were heavy…

I checked the car clock, 8:42 PM, not far off time for bed, I drove a few more minutes before pulling off the road into an outta the way forest next to an outta the way hikers road.

Going to sleep with my new companion, I thought about the future…

Later…

Staring at the scared cashier as I, in a much scarier and larger costume that didn't resemble my normal one in the slightest, I place a few twenties on the table and left, quickly throwing the stuff in the now vacant trunk and giving Chewie some food.

I'd decided to drop the Dragonslayers off at the police department while wearing my new bulkier armor, all but posing for the camera as I did so.

There had been no alert or warnings put out that I had broken out, I could guess it was either part of a Couldron agenda or just PR, probably both.

That was one problem dealt with, I didn't have to worry about them getting up to some fuck shit and blowing my, admittedly very thin, cover and causing me problems.

And I didn't have to be around Saint any longer, fuck that guy.

A/N Chewie’s name is a reference to DARK, badass!Danny fic, and its just a good name.

Don't really know how to feel about this chapter, guess I'll let you guys decide if it's good or not.