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Chapter Text

Elmo was raiding the White House, which was rather empty as Indian Donald Trump and Kim Jong-un had mysteriously “disappeared” (thank you Shadow Milk Cookie) and Elmo was the new president. So that was why he was raiding his own house, to make it the Red House.
Elmo also decided to make race equality and LGBTQ rights. Everyone that was misogynistic, racist, homo/transphobic, abusive in any way, and especially rapists, etcetera were executed publicly, via guillotine or stoning, depending on how bad they were. So now the entire world (Elmo ruled the world, his base was just in America) was at peace. Also people that harmed the environment (like cutting down trees and stuff) were executed. So, the people and animals lived together in harmony with Nature.

Anyways.

So, after Elmo had raided the White House (now called the Red House btw), Shadow Milk Cookie was invited to hold a speech for liberating Trump and Kim Jong-un and a couple other mean people from Earth (we love you Shadow Milk Cookie). So, Shadow Milk Cookie invited his two best friends, Madoka and Aubrey, who wasn’t there when they originally went into the White House, but she was there in spirit trust trust. BUT. What he didn’t expect was that Pure Vanilla Cookie would be there with them. But Shadow Milk Cookie did his speech wonderfully, and he may or may not have lied about what he did to Trump and Kim Jong-un, but that’s normal, because he’s the Beast of Deceit.

Anyways, moving on...

Elmo then decided to go to the Solomon Islands for a holiday. He was rather stressed because he knew that Shadow Milk had lied about sending Indian Donald Trump, Kim Jong-un and a couple other horrible presidents/vice presidents to the void to be eaten by the wolf (Shadow Milk Cookie had said they were in some random submarine in the ocean because they were going on a spiritual mission or something), and he thought that maybe Shadow Milk Cookie could've NOT named the submarine "Ënnerwaasser" which was just Underwater put into Google Translate for Luxemborgish, but Shadow Milk Cookie did it anyway because he does what he wants, and doesn't listen to anyone (what a rebel).

Now. There was another person that they needed to execute, and it was Chairman Rose, because I fucking hate him. So, obviously Bede attended the execution because that was literally the ONE person he had as a father figure (a shit father figure yeah) (GOD BEDE IS SO ME IM GOING INSANE) (anyways), and Rui Kamishiro was the executioner because uhuhhuhuhuhuh idk. So, Bede watched as Chairman Rose was brought up to the stage where the guillotine was.

Bede wanted a souvenir, so he stole Chairman Rose's uhhmm left shoe. And he sold it at an auction for 2,500,000 dollars, because some rich guy wanted Chairman Rose's left shoe specifically. So now Bede had a lot of money, so that was nice. He got 16 strawberry flavoured Basil seed drinks. Well, 16 and a half. Don't ask where the other half went.

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Elmo was STILL on his insteresting holiday in the Autonomous Region of Bougainville. Shadow Milk Cookie was also there but Elmo didn't know that because he lowk shapeshifted into a turtle after sending Indian Trump & Co. to the void (Remember they are NAWT in a random ahh submarine like he told the citizens). He was enjoying a pina colada when certain blue ass gatorade blue turtle starting crawling up the beach and on to his sunlounger and starting dancing to Gnarly by Katseye because why tf not.

Elmo was in fact quite shocked by this peculiar turtle and lwk picked it up with two fingers and flung it to the other side of the ocean. This was NOT a good idea because Shadow Milk ended up being pissed tf off. Shadow Milk Cookie ended up going to the Antartic and transforming into a Gatorade blue polar bear/penguin i forgot which one is where just please decide bc i lwk can NAWT remember. After a while, Shadow Milk found out where Elmo was going next, which was Vanuatu (Elmo was going island hopping okay he deserves a holiday from being the best ruler of the world in the entire history of the universe), and he went there and became a snake, specifically, a sea snake, which, in Vanuatu, are very toxic and venomous. And, he decided, he would be a FERAL. Sea snake, so he didn't have to pretend to be nice and friendly.

Elmo was on his flight to Vanuatu when Shadow Milk Cookie hatched a plan... to make Elmo stay in Vanuatu for as long as possible. So, he would bite Elmo. And it worked, just so you know, so Elmo had to stay in Vanuatu for several more months, while simultaneously planning his engagement party to Cookie Run Monster.

Meanwhile at the butcher's shop, Student A was getting ready to be executed because we DID say major character death and that we would execute multiple people so uhh yeah. The butcher was lwk blind and Bluey, Ena and Mizuki lowk wanted to get rid of Student A so instead of going to the executioner, they went to the butcher because we need some variety of location in this story ok. Student A then got his head chopped off and the trio stole his head, but it was empty because Student A doesn't have a brain. They tried to sell it at an auction (like Bede did with Chairman Rose's left shoe), but they didn't have the same luck because they got arrested, but it was okay because Bluey is rich from all those seasons, and Mizuki said that it was homophobia (because she's transfem and dating Ena) so they lowkey got the police officers that arrested them executed.

So, at the execution, the three of them all stole the police officer's right shoes. And the same rich guy that bought Rose's left shoe got the right shoes, because he really liked shoes or something. So, he left the auction with several right shoes. Mizuki, Ena, and Bluey saw Bede. And then Mizuki becames friends with Bede, because transmasc transfem solidarity (well, Mizuki has she/her/they/them pronouns but it's fine because she's still transfem). So, yeahh, Bede and Mizuki are friends now. Yyayayayayayayy!!!!

Chapter Text

Shadow Milk and Madoka were hanging out in their personal lounge at the Red House and starting talking about plans for the engagement party. NOW Shadow Milk doesnt really know a lot of stuff and Madoka knows a lot, so they decided to make a dragonfruit smoothie, but the recipe called for avocados for some reason, and Shadow Milk doesn't know what an avocado is, so Madoka got one for him and he decided to eat it.

It was fucking disgusting. And green. So Shadow Milk Cookie threw it out the window, and they had to make the smoothie without avocado.

How disappointing. Not following the instructions... what a rebel.

Anyways, so yeah, they had the smoothie without avocado. Shadow Milk said that it tasted better this way, and I think it did actually because why the fuck would a recipe for a DRAGONFRUIT smoothie need AVOCADO. This was one of the few times he was telling the truth since becoming the Beast of Deceit, by the way. Congratulations, Shadow Milk Cookie, on your redemption arc /j

Madoka and Shadow Milk Cookie finished their weird-ass dragonfruit smoothie (without avocado because ew), and Shadow Milk suddenly remembered something VERY IMPORTANT.

“Elmo’s engagement party,” he whispered dramatically, like he was revealing the secret to immortality, which Madoka lwk needed in those alternative timelines (im so sorry). “We must sabotage it with vibes.”

Madoka blinked. “What the fuck does ‘sabotage with vibes’ mean?”

“It means…” Shadow Milk leaned close. “I will shapeshift into something Elmo cannot resist. Something irresistible. Something iconic. Something that screams ✨chaos✨.”

Madoka, who at this point had seen Shadow Milk shapeshift into literally everything from a turtle to a sea snake to a maybe-penguin, just shrugged. “Fine. Do whatever. I’ll bring glitter bombs.”

So Shadow Milk decided that he would shapeshift into a GIANT walking strawberry-flavoured basil seed drink, because Bede bought too many of them anyway, and it was the perfect disguise. No one would suspect that inside the cursed beverage costume lurked the Beast of Deceit.

Meanwhile, Elmo was on FaceTime with Cookie Monster, planning their engagement outfits. Cookie Monster wanted matching tuxedos but Elmo insisted on wearing a full-length sequined gown that sparkled like the blood of his enemies under the guillotine spotlight. They compromised: Cookie Monster wore a tuxedo with sequins. True love.

Bede overheard this whole conversation because he had been secretly hacking Elmo’s phone for no reason (don’t ask). He immediately texted Mizuki: “girl we NEED to crash this party”. Mizuki responded: “bet. ena and bluey r in too. we r stealing more shoes.”

So now, not only were Madoka and Shadow Milk planning a sabotage, but Mizuki, Ena, Bluey, and Bede were also pulling up to the engagement with shoe theft on the agenda.

Chaos was inevitable.

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The day of Elmo’s engagement party arrived. The Red House was decorated with 7 million biodegradable balloons (because if anyone popped a plastic one, they would’ve been executed on the spot for environmental crimes). Elmo walked down the staircase in his glittery blood-red gown while Cookie Run Monster struck a dramatic pose in his sequined tux.

Everyone clapped. Except Shadow Milk Cookie (currently disguised as a strawberry basil seed drink), who rolled his way into the venue. People thought he was part of the catering. “Omg free drinks??” shouted Ena, trying to take a sip out of his head. Shadow Milk slapped her away.

Madoka, meanwhile, was throwing glitter bombs onto the dance floor, shouting “✨FOR THE GAYS✨” (including the emojis, don't ask how Madoka can do that with her mouth, it's just because she can okay) every time one exploded. Bluey got glitter in her eyeballs and screamed. Bede just sulked in the corner with his 2.5 million dollars, waiting for the perfect moment to steal Elmo’s wedding shoes.

Suddenly, Mizuki made a speech:
“Shoes are the currency of rebellion. We shall take the shoes of the corrupt and auction them to rich idiots. It is what we all want, and what Student A would have despised. So we will obviously do it.”

Everyone clapped.

BUT THEN. The rich guy who had been buying all the shoes showed up. He was revealed to be none other than… Indian Donald Trump in disguise. (He had escaped the void. Or maybe the void burped him out. Idk. Don’t ask questions.)

Elmo froze. Shadow Milk Cookie also froze, because he was the one who put Trump in the void in the first place. Cookie Monster screamed. Madoka chucked a glitter bomb at Trump’s head.

“Round two, bitch,” Elmo hissed, pulling out the ceremonial guillotine from behind the Red House buffet table.

The engagement party turned into a battlefield: Shadow Milk (still in drink form) was rolling across the floor trying to trip Trump, Bluey bit Trump’s ankle, Mizuki stole his shoe mid-fight, and Bede started auctioning it LIVE on Instagram.

In the chaos, Cookie Monster grabbed Elmo’s hand. “Darling, this is the most romantic thing you’ve ever done.”

And they kissed while Trump screamed in the background.

Lovely.

So. Shadow Milk Cookie had to send Trump back into the void, but couldn't do that without giving away his cover. But he had to. BUT. BUT. BUT. There was also Hanako-Kun. And Nene Yashiro. They had gone together as a couple. They're dating. I love Hananene.

And Hanako-kun (plus Nene) knew EXACTLY. How to send Trump into the void (or just kill him in general). They summoned Kou Minamoto (don't ask how) (they lured him there with Mitsuba, yes, they're both gay), and this was basically the conversation -

"Hey, Kou. We kind of need you to exorcise Indian Trump."

Yes. Indian Trump is considered a supernatural because he died but came back to life. Supernatural things.

"What??????? I have to exorcise fucking Trump? Yeah, sure, I don't want to be killed cause I'm gay, (SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER AHEAD) I already died lmao I don't want to die again, plus, this would be the 985892789573298573th time Mitsuba would die as well. Gay ass pink boy keeps dying bruh"

"Thank you Kou. Happy gay month (it's not June)."

So Kou stabbed Trump 15th times with his brother's katana or whatever it is. And he fucking perished. The end. Yay!!

Or is it.

Chapter Text

uhh hey guys.
WERE BACK!
after like a 10 year long hiatus.
why is my classmate behind me.
OMFG leave my frame bruv
BRO GET OUT.
OMG LEAVE BRUH.
oh finally she left.
YAYAYAYAYY

okay chat this is me now, aka YOUR FAVOURITE, ME, AKA MARS. Well, CHEESECAKE, ACTUALLY V BUT WHATEVERRRRRR CAUSE IM CHEESECAKE NOW.
those uhmmm 9 lines before ts was lwk Strawberry (aka Isli in case you read the first book)
we sort of had a 8324238432987 eons long break cause of school and shi and also my ankle sort of not really getting broken but whateverrrrrr.

"the ao3 author curse cant hit me bc my fathers already dead!" i says, joyfully
"no" said the evil Mr. Evil Tree. my ankle then decides to break 💔💔

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Ok. So now Indian Donald Trump was gone. For ever.

And Rui Kamishiro wanted to celebrate. How would he celebrate this joyous day?

By blowing up a school !!!!!!!!!!!! yayayayyaayayy.

So, yeah, Bede noticed this. They had a little conversation

"Rui."

"Yeah"

"Can I blow up the school with you"

"Ok."

That was all that was said between the two while they had the meeting. They parted ways, and a couple days later, met up to blow up the school. Which school was it? UhHhHhhh.... (I had to go to Google for this ok) ...Strawberry Mansion High School?

So, yeah. They stocked up on atomic bombs and went to go blow up the school. Rui had to build the bombs in less than a week, but it was okay because he did. He successfully made 50 atomic bombs, but had tested one or two or five on the Emperor's Coven in the Demon Realm. Don't ask how he got there, he just decided that it would be funny to go to the Demon Realm and blow up the Emperor's Coven.

They invited some singer called Jazmine Sullivan, who went to Strawberry Mansion. I had to do research for ts bruh 😭😭🙏🙏🙏🙏

Anywaysysyyssss.................................

So, they all went to Strawberry Mansion Highschool, and decided to lay out their plan. They, obviously, would have to be far away from the grounds unless they wanted to be killed by the atomic bomb explosion. So they pretended to be Jazmine's entourage, because she was there for a "visit to see how the school was going". Gnarly.

The plan was ----- ....They would, first, plant the atomic bomb (it was a rather small one, one that they could smuggle in using a large cupboard with wheels you know?? like the uhhh idfk???????) so, yeah, they smuggled the atomic bomb into the empty kitchen, because it was a Saturday.

Yeah, so they shoved the bomb into the kitchen. And, then, Rui, Jazmine, and Bede ran out of the school building and then Rui just..... pressed the large red button on the detonator thingymabob and the school fucking exploded.