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Chapter Text

*click!*

That had been the first time in a few weeks Will had been able to get to get the key into the lock upon his first try, and this time he was holding onto two bags of shopping from the supermarket in each hand.

He hissed a quick celebration under his breath before he heard footsteps behind him.

"What's got you so giddy?"

James stood behind him, carrying an unusually large bag of cat litter in his hands. Will shot him a wide grin as he pointed to the key in the door,

"First time in about three weeks, lad!" he exclaimed, turning the key and unlocking the door. He heard a little chuckle behind him as the door swing open. 

Upon both men shuffling inside and the door closing, Otto had appeared in front of them, meowing demandingly; snooping around the bags, even stepping into one as he smelt something. They kicked off their shoes, narrowly avoiding tripping both themselves up as well as punting the cat to the other side of the flat.

"I dunno how we deal with this little nosy lad," Will muttered as he picked up Otto gently, cradling him in his arms, "He's been more demanding ever since I moved in."

"You give him too many treats, that's why."

James moved past him, giving Otto a quick affectionate stroke on the head as he carried himself past.

"Remember when you ran to me?" James then asked, and then realising that it was a stupid question - it was the spark of their relationship. Will scoffed loudly, and Otto jumped from his arms and trotted over to the kitchen, where James was, in hopes to get food.

"Of course, I do, lad! Remember like it were yesterday." Will grinned, bending down to search through the bags for something. His hand twitched.

James tapped the kitchen counter rhythmically, pouting a little. He switched his weight from his left leg to his right.

"And you know how we share a Spotify account now?" he continued, raising an eyebrow. Will glanced over, back to standing. He nodded briefly, slightly lost within the conversation and where it was going. Whatever path James was taking, good Lord was it slow.

"Yeah..." Will said, suspicious of James, "Where're y' going with this? Gonna run t' the studio or somethin'?" 

Will smirked at his little joke, and so did the other man. They looked at each other, James's gaze loving.

"You didn't tell me you listened to my music." 

Will turned red, turned around and covered his face.

"Fuck, man, I forgot t' delete that playlist."

"And it was mostly Car Lights." James huffed out a laugh before approaching Will from behind, wrapping his hands around him and holding him tight.

"Ironic, Lenney." James whispered softly and Will groaned in embarrassment, his hands still covering his face.

"I did it cuz.. er... well, y'know at that time I were thinkin' that what we had was a little bit more than platonic."

"You could've picked a different song for such a long journey." James commented, lowering his head onto Will's shoulder. Will gulped.

"Well, I sort of got t' a point where I forgot the music was on so... I sort of felt as if I were outside my own body 'n watching myself run."

James lifted his head off of Will's shoulder, increasing the force of his grasp around the man. Will didn't like to admit he was the one to enjoy physical touch that much, but he enjoyed James's hugs and was quite vocal about them.

"Dissociation," the younger man simply uttered, "Fuck me, man, I wish I just knew about all the stuff you were going through, and maybe I would've been able to help you more."

Will sighed, placing his hand over James's. 

"I'm alright now, Jim, I swear."

Another little squeeze told Will that James wasn't convinced.

"You helped by basically forcing me t' stay two nights."

"You kissed me the next week."

Will felt his cheeks burning red.

"Yeah. I remember." he breathed, starting to feel a little uncomfortable.

He removed his hand from James's and stepped forwards a little. James let go of him at once.

"Sorry." he immediately said, and Will shrugged it off, returning to the bags, picking them up and putting them on the counter.

Otto snaked around his legs, pawing at him for food, but Will simply just didn't want to be in the same room.

When James noticed that the aura within the room had shifted, he too turned silent with an odd sense of guilt gnawing at his heart. The air was heavy and uncomfortable, full of awkward coughs and clearing of throats and small thank yous as they passed things to each other as they packed away the groceries for the kitchen.

James knew Will didn't like talking about how he ran to Brighton, mostly because of his mental state at the time, and he respected that. He found it similar to how they don't discuss James's past alcoholism but rather his sobriety, which is still risky waters for triggering bad memories of the past. He also knew that Will was on his last lengths and attempting to keep his head high during that period of time, pretending as if he wasn't suffering from impenetrable anxiety.

The good thing is that Will is doing better, and they had both forgotten the last time he had a seizure.

The bad thing is that he regularly shuts down and has anxiety attacks, even if the run was nearly a year ago.

It was November, Will had moved in during September. Two months flew by quicker than either of them imagined. The steps they took were still small and cautious, with Will being the most nervous about it all. Luckily, James always knew how to calm him down.

This time, he wasn't so sure. 

Will wanted to leave the room, desperately; maybe go to their room as just lie down and... sleep. Forget that conversation. Forget the run. He swore he could feel his foot tingling with some sort of pain similar to pins and needles.

He pondered for a moment. No, nevermind, it was pins and needles.

"Will?" James whispered softly.

Will hummed back a response.

"Come here." 

Will shifted into James's grasp, letting himself relax against him and get hugged.

"I am sorry for mentioning it."

"'S alright..." Will muttered, "Don't beat y'self up for it, Jim." 

Will separated, inching away immediately, sliding across the tiled floor with ease thanks to his socks. He crossed his arms over himself, looked around the kitchen for a few moments before turning and just... leaving.

James didn't follow him - he secretly wanted him to. Will's chest was heavy and he felt the same weight on his shoulders the same night. He felt all those emotions again, the honking of the cars too impatient to care the smallest amount suddenly was all he heard, the stench of pollen from the forests, and the wind beating at his ears. He was there again, and he could see the red tape on the floor and feel his leg giving up again and how all the voices around him were adamant he couldn’t do it. But he was going to prove them wrong. He proved them so wr-

"Will." 

His voice was gentle and soothing, and Will felt a large hand on his chest to soothe his heavy breathing, quickly joined by another on his back, rubbing circles between Will's shoulderblades but not quite directly on his spine - just where he liked it. Will inhaled sharply, closing his eyes and scrunching his fists up, fingernails digging into his palms.

"Will," James's tone was a smidge stricter, the hand on Will's chest threading down to his bunched fists and gracefully unravelling then, "Don't do that, please."

Will was fighting dragons in his head, immortal dragons with a wooden spoon to put it correctly. There wasn't any way he would win. 

"Sorry, lad..." Will whispered, a lump in his throat rapidly forming. James held onto him for a fraction of a second longer before letting go.

"Going to sleep?" he asked, keeping his voice low. Will nodded, opening the door to their room and stumbling inside.

"Sorry." Will repeated, noticing how James had once again followed him. 

Their bed looked, in terms of Will's eyes, unresistably comfortable, and before he knew it, he was collapsing onto the dark grey duvet, as if bellyflopping into a pool. He groaned, inhaling deeply and smelling a large waft of fabric softener.

"No need to apologise, Will, these things happen." James said, approaching the side of the bed and lifting up the duvet so the lanky man could scramble beneath it.

James tucked him into bed and lingered for a few moments, on his knees knelt down next to Will, who was facing him with tired eyes.

"Can you be honest with me?" Will croaked, glancing away. 

"Always." James responded, still gazing into Will's eyes, despite the older man's view being askew.

"Are y' still proud of me?" 

James leaned closer, nodding and humming in agreement. He rested his head on his arms.

"Of course, I am." he whispered, "I couldn’t be less proud, Will."

Will looked down, his eyes naturally falling onto one of James's tattoos, a treasure map, with a little x, for his song 'You Are Here'. Will was there. That's what mattered.

"If everyone else has discarded what you did, I'm not one of them. I won't ever forget it." James comforted.

Will gulped, nodding.

"Yeah." he huffed, "Funny, because I wanna erase it from my memory- But not in a way that it'd impact us..."

He turned, his head falling back onto the pillow, gaze fixed onto the ceiling.

"I wish I just weren't so naive about my leg then. I fucked it up for a good two weeks."

James smiled softly.

"But you did it all for us. Look at where we are now, Will. Look at where you are." he commented, motioning with his hands to their bedroom.

Will couldn't hide his smile.

"Sappy man, you are." he muttered, rubbing an eye, "It were all worth it in t' end." 

Will hated being sappy; he despised it. Despite that, it was all James was, and Will wouldn't admit that it was something he admired about the man. 

Their eyes naturally met, and they shared a soft smile.

"I feel myself getting sleepy," said James, running a hand through his shaggy curls, "Maybe I'd ought to join you."

Will laughed at James's pathetic excuse for a cuddle.

"Give over, Jim, come hold me, I know you want t'." he sighed, lifting the duvet and letting James in. 

Their bodies were glued together almost instantly.

"I do." James admitted, pulling Will closer to him, his large arms wrapped around the elder's waist,

"Oh, I'd better cherish this before you're gone next month." Will sighed happily, shifting around uncomfortably until he was, well, comfortable. Comfortable was facing James, and comfortable was knowing that loving look in the man's eyes.

"You always know you can come along and watch me. It's the last part of the Europe tour. See me for the London show." James suggested,

"Yeah, but at every show, all you're gonna do is sing Car Lights t' me or somethin'." Will groaned, rolling his eyes, his hands weaving around James's neck.

James frowned comically, pretending to be insulted.

"Nothing is wrong with Car Lights, you know that. Maybe I could sing It's Only Love to you instead."

Will scoffed, shaking his head. He flicked James's cheek,

"Sappy bastard yet again. 'N besides, I've got content t' make. Whilst you're off, I could record a video with Mikey or Ieuan. 'N then spend the rest of my time talking t' yous."

There was a small silence as Will finished his sentence.

He felt the blush on his face growing more and more, and Will assumed James was the same.

"Flattered." James grinned, only making Will blush more.

"So about that London show? Any way I can watch y' from the sidelines?" Will changed the subject, daring not to look at James in the eye.

Once again, silence.

"Why not in the crowd?"

Will turned redder.

"They'll go mad seeing me there."

James's grip increased on Will, pulling him closer.

"I want you right in front of me, so I can see you, and know you're there."

Their bodies were extremely pressed against each other, noses touching now. Will could feel James's breath on him. 

"Right in front of you? Within a hands reach?"

With the mention of that, Will naturally curled his hand around James's.

"Barricade." James stated, his dark eyes peering further into Will's, "You're literally a VIP."

Will could imagine the pushing and the shoving around him, but he realised that the last gig he went to where James performed was relatively peaceful. It was a safer environment than he had imagined, but even then, he watched from the back of the venue, and if he remembered correctly, his eyes never left James. He didn't know how the crowd acted at all if he put his mind to it.

"If anything happens could y' get me out?' Will asked, worriedly, squeezing James's hand and closing his eyes. He felt James's lips on his forehead,

"Of course. I'd stop the show and I'd help you personally." the other man mumbled comfortingly, a hand reaching up to hold Will's face.

"You don't have to go." reminded James as Will opened his eyes again.

"I haven't been t' one of y' gigs in ages... I left halfway through the Brighton one cuz it were too much for me-" 

Will was about to start to go onto a tangent but James hugged him.

"I'll tone it down. Make it more chill. I made the mistake of not telling you the set list before hand."

"You big fuckin' softie." Will muttered, pulling out of the embrace and wrapping the duvet around himself, turning away.

"Want me to go?" James asked, moving a little.

"Mm. Yeah. Sorry."

Another kiss to his head.

"No worries, Will. I'll only be in the living room, probably watching telly. How about a walk later?" James proposed as he got out of the bed and tucked Will back in.

"Yeah.. sounds good.." Will hummed, eyebrows furrowed and eyes staring through the floor. 

"You know where I am."

As James left, Will saw another flash of the You Are Here tattoo.

*

Will awoke with a sweaty back, a melted mind, bad breath and creaking joints. When getting out of bed, he managed to drag the duvet halfway across the room with him, and didnt notice until he looked back and saw his foot stuck in the corner and a duvet-less bed. He shook off the duvet, let out a short groan, too tired to tidy up, and continued through his flat and towards the living room, craving a hug.

James was in fact in the living room, watching the television as he said with the cat on his lap purring contently. The man didn't even have to look back at Will to know it was him. 

"How're you feeling now?" he asked, voice kind.

Will rubbed an eye sleepily and yawned.

"Bit better..." 

"Did you see the tape on the floor just before we talked?" 

Will hummed a yes and nodded, slinking towards the sofa and melting onto it, his arm reaching over to stroke Otto.

The 'tape on the floor' was usually the indication that Will was starting to struggle to control his anxiety. Once it got to that stage, it was an often sight to see the elder sitting up awake at night, just worried. At that point, both men would go sleepless nights.

Will kept his gaze on Otto, stroking his head gently and feeling the cat's well-kept furry coat beneath his fingertips. 

"Did you have any dreams?"

"Nowt." 

"I see."

Otto purred louder, stretching out his paws and beginning to knead James's jeans.

For a few minutes, the only noise was the quiet hush of the television and whatever show James was watching. The presence of each man was comfortable and nice. Silence was nice, Will had discovered, but only at appropriate times. During a mid-anxious spiral, silence was his worst enemy; he couldn't think straight - no pun intended.

Will's heavy breathing slowed back down to his usual inhales and exhales, and James looked over, seeing that the man had fallen asleep, his hand still on Otto's head.

A small chuckle later, James moved Otto from his lap carefully before then quietly (and trying his hardest not to wake the man) moving Will onto the sofa fully. He fetched Will's favourite blanket and a pillow from their bed, making another for the man before then tidying up theirs.

Maybe that walk would happen another day, James thought as he resettled back down onto the sofa, in a different spot this time, holding onto Will's hand tightly, staring absentmindedly at the screen in front of him. 

After a few moments, he felt Will's hands beginning to tremble.

Fuck, he thought.

His glance immediately fled to Will, analysing him. He wasn't shaking and trembling yet. Yet. The word screamed in his mind.

He crawled over, clasping Will's shoulders and shaking him.

"Will..." he called gently, "Will..!"

Will's eyes shot open, as did his mouth. James yelped in relief. 

"What? What the fuck is it, lad!?" Will snapped sleepily, blinking like a frog. 

Adrenaline was what was pumping through their veins, simultaneously. For different reasons.

"You were starting to shake." James muttered, shaking his head vigorously, "I couldn’t take any chances of you having a seizure or something-"

Will fanned a hand at James, clutching his chest,

"Jim..." he muttered, "Can't breathe if y' on me-"

James kept shaking his head, reclining off him and fidgeting with his hands.

"I were shakin'?" Will then questioned.

"Starting to." James responded.

"Bloody hell." Will muttered, biting on his thumbnail, 

"Couldn't have you-" James started. 

"I know-" Will interrupted. 

"Will, you need to get help for this." James confessed, falling back into the comforting grasp of their sofa, turning off the telly and running his hands through his hair,

"I don't want you getting harmed anymore."

Will gulped, feeling the same lump in his throat forming again. He shifted closer to James until they were both embracing again, James having a death grip on the other man, like a clingy child almost.

"Don't give up on me, Jim." Will exhaled, curling up beside him, "Not now..."

His voice was different, how it would be after a few rounds of crying in the middle of the night before the man inevitably woke up the younger. Hoarse and tender, hurt and injured.

"For fuck's sake, Will, I'm not leaving you, never." he squeezed Will painfully tight, "Never." he repeated.

"You know what I'm like, lad..." Will groaned, burying his face into James's shoulder, eyes once again crammed shut. His hands scrunched up James's black shirt, rubbing the cotton between his hands as Will tried his utmost hardest not to cry.

But he did anyway.

That was a battle he always would lose.

Chapter Text

Run. 

Again. I have to do it again.

This time, Will didn't tell anybody. Not Mikey, nor Orla, nor Aby, nor Ieuan, not even James.

It was a chilly March morning. The air was crisp with a negative temperature chill, unusual for the time of year, with the freshly bloomed flowers curled in on themselves trying to keep warm. Will could only see his breath amongst the darkness as he made his way back to the band stand. One step at a time like cracks in ice spreading under mass weight, each crackling sound cuasing another unwanted memory to resurface.

Again. I have to do it again.

Repeat it.

His toes creeped onto the red tape, now much dirtier than when he first placed it down. Will wondered how many people stepped over this line not knowing the true reason to why it was there. He wondered how many lives he was unknown to, how many people wondered what this odd looking red tape was doing, and whether they knew if it led to Brighton or not. 

He pressed play on the song, last from queue. He hadn't used Spotify in ages. He sprang to life and began his stride off with a few hearty lunges, quickly crossing off the metre and two metre marks.

Car Lights.

Will promptly stopped in his tracks, roughly at the eight metre mark. What was he doing? He couldn't repeat this all again. Yet his mind had been spun too far, eyes dizzy, body weak, nervous system... nervous. Contradictories he didn't even know could contradict started to occur. The cold started creeping in, first to his fingertips. 

He didn't know what time it was. But he'd be too late. Not in a day.

Dejected, Will took out his headphones, and began his way back to the office, in which he was late to as well.

His lips were blue when he entered the workplace.

Everyone was waiting for him, and that's when he remembered it was a filming day for the second channel. So, James was there. 

James.

When they locked eyes, Will's heart leapt to his throat and all he wanted was to disappear. Run. Not to Brighton. To Home. But not James. Your London home. His legs were no use. He simply froze as the taller man approached him, wearing a simple dark brown jumper, a white t-shirt, most probably one with a graphic design, Will assumed, dark blue jeans and his trusty pair of Doc's. 

"Your lips are blue, your nose is pink and so are your ears and fingers..." James commented, his voice hushed and low. As if no one should hear them. He shot a look back at Ieuan and Aby.

"And you're in running gear." 

Will looked down at himself. He was. He was wearing the same pair of shoes that took him right to James. He was wearing almost the exact clothes.

"Um.. yeah." he exhaled, clasping the base of his neck uncomfortably, "Was just.. doing stuff." he said, voice monotonous, eyes on the ground, looking far away from James, the furthest he could take his gaze.

"You were going to do it again." James muttered in realisation, the intonation of his voice raising at the end as if he were asking a question. Will didn't know how it was so obvious for one to realise what he was trying to do; a thought deep in his mind told him to be sneakier and to hide this all from sight. Keep it all in the dark and never ever let them know your next move.

He didn't respond.

"You forgot about the fact we were making a video and you were going to run to Brighton fully aware of the fact that you've been told not to run long distance until April." 

James's voice, even though not entirely strict, sliced through his heart like a freshly sharpened knife, ready to kill. Will felt his heart sinking in to his chest and he frowned massively.

"We need to talk." James announced sternly, grabbing Will's shoulder and guiding him out of their workspace and into the corridor.

Will pressed a knuckle to his eye, sniffling softly.

"You're going to put yourself in danger, Will." James whispered, a sorrowful and pitiful expression sitting on his face.

"You're... crying?"

Will turned away,

"Just fuck off, then!!" he snapped, scrunching his face up, "Just- Just go away! We don't have to record today... I don't wanna..."

He trailed off when he realised that James had gone. Moved away from him.

Now his legs started working. He sprang into action and lunged back into the room, seeing James grabbing his things together.

"No, wait, Jim-" Will muttered, holding his head in his hands, regret spitting out of him with each new word he said.

Ieuan and Orla both paused.

"What's going on?" Ieuan asked, taking his hands from the camera he was setting up,

"There's products ready-" Orla started.

Will didn't focus on what the other two were saying, and only just then realised that they were also in the room. He only had eyes for James, but not in a way to be romantic, but to just keep the man there. 

James brushed past him, thankfully he was kind enough to not push past Will, harsh glare onto the floor and his direction of walking. Will shot a worried glance between Ieuan and Orla to James. 

He went after James.

"James!" he called, jogging after him, feeling his left leg trembling with each step, "James! For God's sake man!"

James finally paused, and turned back, just as Will skidded to a halt.

Unfortunately, he was carrying too much momentum and crashed into James as he turned.

"Fuck-" James exhaled, his hands leaping towards Will, first hitting the man's waist and holding it securely before rapidly moving to his shoulders. The touch sent buzzing energy across Will's skin like an uncontrollable wildfire, feasting on all it could.

Will was shaking his head frantically,

"Don't go, don't go..." he exhaled tiredly, "I'm sorry- I just want t' see y'... I just.. I just wanted you close again, Jim-" 

He didn't know what he was saying exactly, the track was blurry and he couldn't make out the train stations on the stop, nor could he hear it over the interface.

His hands were too on James's shoulders, his head leaning against one.

"I just need y' man..."

"Will," James's hands slipped from Will's shoulders, "William..."

Will's throat closed and once again did his heart leap up to it, desperately trying to escape. He lifted his weary head from the younger's shoulder, letting go of him and stepping back, and finally then did his icy eyes peer into James's hazel.

Once again. Pitiful.

"What is it that you want?" James asked, gentle.

Will shakily inhaled, and then exhaled, his thumb tracing spirals into the palm of his other hand,

"I dunno, just... just some comfort or somethin'.. I.. I just.. You're just.. really special."

He felt his ears turning pink.

"This isn't the right time for me t' do all this, Jim-" dipping his head low, he muttered, his mind trying to decipher whether the feeling he was experiencing were torn between anguish or regret.

James's hand was on his shoulder again. The touch felt warm.

"It's alright." the man assured, inching a little closer.

"How about a walk to clear your mind? It works for me sometimes." he then suggested, his hand creeping down to Will's and entwining their fingers together.

"I ain't a fuckin' dog... 'n the content- your train..." Will mumbled as he looked back.

He saw a flash of ginger leaning out of the door, and his hand immediately shot away from James's. Mikey.

"Hm?" James hummed, looking at Will, a little curious to why he has suddenly moved away. He followed Will's gaze and too saw the ginger man standing in the corridor, staring right back at them.

"Is this about you two sharing a bed?" he asked, grinning as he approached. 

Will was leaning against the wall, a tremor quickly building up in his hands, his head heavy and his breaths laboured. They had been caught, by Mikey, who had caught them cuddling over facetime. What else could Mikey see that Will didn't want him to?

"Mikey... Not now." James groaned, disapproving of his comment, before looking over at Will, very clearly on the brink of a panic attack of some sort.

"Only asking." Mikey dismissed, crossing his arms. He too then noticed Will, who had now slid to the floor, head buried in his knees, hands jolting around.

"Shit- shit-" James exhaled, moving close, shielding the trembling northerner from view.

"Get Orla- or someone-" he demanded,

When Mikey left, he sighed softly in relief, and then knelt down next to Will.

"Will, I'm here, can you hear me?" he asked, his hand tightly gripping one of Will's. 

There was a subtle nod from Will.

"Too much, Jim- Too much-" he muttered, "I'm too anxious again, lad... I ran t' work because... it were like the same experience... The tape, Jim-"

He raised his head and made direct eye contact with James.

The only word that came to James's head at that exact moment was terrified. Will was terrified. 

"Okay, okay, focus on me, Will." James whispered, turning properly towards him, now holding both of his hands. His bag slipped off of his shoulder and onto the floor but neither noticed,

"Deep breaths, Will."

In. Out.

In... Out...

In...

Out...

Will's breathing returned back to its normal state, and when it did, he was surrounded by almost the whole crew. He never thought he would have this much attention around him, and it all suddenly felt a bit too much.

"Move back, he's getting overwhelmed-" James muttered, flapping a hand back for people to step back, and they did.

Was he obvious about it? Was it something that James could just see and no one else could?

"I just need James..." Will requested, his waves casting over his eyes as he kept his head down low, "Just him... Please."

An odd feeling swelled in James's heart when he realised that he had been chosen. It was new, and he was oddly fond of it. 

When the crew dispersed, James stayed close, his hand creeping back to Will's. 

"Jim?" Will called, looking over at the younger, "How can you... tell what I am thinking and know what t' do?"

James smiled politely, eyes crinkling; Will wished he could see it all day every day.

"I'm not too sure, Will... I look at you, remember from past occurrences and apply that to the situation. You're very readable." he commented, scooting closer, bag discarded on the ground.

"You need to get tested." Will muttered gravely, shaking his head and struggling to fight off a grin.

James cocked his head in confusion.

"For what?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"If you're not neurodivergent of some sort, lad, I'll be fuckin' surprised." he grinned.

James slapped him playfully.

"Cheek."

Comfortable silence filled the corridor, their fingers tangling together slowly.

"I dunno what this is..." Will looked down at their hands, "But.. I like it." he smiled, genuinely, for the first time in a while. 

James was looking directly at him, his face scanning Will's. 

"I wouldn't mind.. y'know.. explorin'.." panic immediately crossed his face, and James snorted, "No! Not like that!! Just.. like... I dunno, lad. You know better about being with a man..."

"Baby steps." James whispered, rubbing his thumb across Will's knuckles, his eyes still admiring Will's face, "Slowly."

Will nodded.

"Yeah." he breathed, scratching his neck, "Yeah..." he repeated.

He looked into the ground harshly.

"I still feel bad about the kiss..." he murmured, shaking his head in disappointment, "I just left straight after..." 

"Don't be." James comforted, "It happens."

"Did I hurt y'?" Will made eye contact with James again, moving slightly closer, upper arms now touching.

"No." James responded, blinking.

Will's heart steadily increased.

"I feel I reversed like... our whole relationship..." he explained, shifting uncomfortably on the cold floor.

"You didn't. We're holding hands."

Will made a noise of agreement. 

James squeezed Will's hand to prove his point.

"You didn't." repeated James again, "And I'm sorry for how I just acted. I shouldn't have tried to leave."

Will gulped, the lump back in his throat again. 

"It's alright... I get it. Sometimes y' just need t' get out."

"Yeah."

...

"Would y' do it back?" Will asked, his voice scared, reluctant and slightly strangled.

James pondered for a moment,

"Do what back?"

Will hummed grumpily,

"Y'know.. kiss me back." he grumbled, as if he didn't want to say it. His ears and cheeks were a rosy red. Flustered, James gathered as he inched even closer.

"If you'd like me to." he replied softly, and then he leaned his head onto Will's shoulder, "I wouldn't mind experiencing it again."

"Do y'.. reckon.. y' could?"

James grinned.

Oh, Will, he thought.

He lifted his head from the man's shoulder.

Will's whole face was red.

"I could." he smiled slyly, "We both know that we could do a lot of things. Not like that, but... Yeah, I could kiss you."

*

November 2025

James threaded a hand to Will's cheek, lifting his head up, seeing that he was crying.

"Will..."

Will's bottom lip wobbled, and he attempted to move away but James kept him close. He wasn't going to let the man leave so easily. He knew the man liked physical touch.

"Jamie... I can't get it t' stop... I see the tape on the ground 'n I feel obliged t' run..." Will murmured, wiping his eyes with his sleeves, "Fuckin' hate it all..." his voice broke.

James nodded, thumb casting a gentle touch on Will's undereye as it swayed gently across his skin,

"I know, Will. But you're here. You did your run, you're in Brighton." James reminded, pulling Will closer to him until they were hugging again.

"Yeah.. Brighton.. Home."

Will relaxed against James, inhaling deeply and accidentally smelling a very large amount of the man's cologne. He coughed and groaned,

"You spray too much fuckin' cologne." Will grumbled as he resettled in James's arms.

"You can never win, Will. You must learn to adapt to your issues."

Will hummed.

Adapt to the tape, he thought, adapt to the sounds and the reminders. He relaxed a little more, the tempestuous ocean within his mind finally calming down. James could sense it.

"Still up for that walk later?" he asked, and Will nodded.

"Yeah... but now I'm comfy and don't wanna move off yous." he replied, grinning madly afterwards. 

James sighed in defeat.

Will was literally glued to him.

"Cheek. Don't fall asleep."

Will pretended to yawn, but actually ended up yawning immediately after. He barked out a hefty laugh before then beaming up at James sincerely. 

"Haha!!" he laughed, "That weren't supposed t' happen, James, I promise."

James just simply grinned back down at him. He ran his hands through Will's small curls by his neck.

"Are you sure?" James asked, raising an eyebrow. 

Will laughed again, and the sound just felt pure blissful music to James's ears. Beautiful. 

*

Their walk consisted of discussing coffee, not Rodd's, and where to get coffee. Ever since Will's run, they hadn't been to that specific café, for obvious reasons linked to Will's anxiety.

James increased his grip on Will's hand, brushing his thumb over his knuckles, a gesture that would easily ground and calm the man down. 

Somehow, they ended up in a chippy by the pier at five o'clock in the evening. It was basically pitch black, and luckily James had worn his large thick scarf and Will his favourite snuggly coat to keep them both warm.

"It only smells more of salt in 'ere." Will muttered, scanning over the menu, knowing he was probably going to order some regular chips.

"That's because it's a fucking chip shop, Will." James responded, holding in a stifled laughter. 

Will found a bench along the pier front, shivering as he sat down on the cool wood, eager to munch into his scran.

"Right!" he clapped his hands together and said it in the same enthusiasm as if he was recording a video, which startled James a little when he handed Will's chips to him.

"I thought we were in the recording studio for a moment," James sat down too, bunching up right next to Will like penguins huddling for warmth.

Will let out another laugh, lighter snd smaller this time.

"No, no... We're at Brighton, Jim. We're home." he smiled, biting into his chip.

Home was where James was, Will thought.

Chapter Text

"Will?" 

Will blinked and glanced over to the younger man, sitting in the chair adjacent.

"Hm?" he sounded,

"You know how like... George and Alex live in that flat?" James's leg was bouncing up and down rapidly,

"I was wondering whether you'd... well... do the same."

Silence fell between them and James gulped nervously. He then realised what he said and became a blushing mess,

"No! I mean- Maybe all of us, together in one house. It'd be a content mine." 

Will simply smirked at him, spinning from side to side in his gaming chair,

"T' spend more than two hours with y' gives me a bleedin' headache, lad." he grinned, and James huffed out a laugh,

"Fuck off... I was trying to be considerate." he then stated, crossing his arms,

"But.. would you? Seriously."

Will adjusted the beanie on his head, messing up his hair and shrugging a little. 

"Yeah, why not. 'Suppose it won't do any harm..." he glanced over at James, "I'd have all my friends together."

He returned to fixing his hair in the viewfinder of the camera propped up on his desk. James shot an awkward smile to him, grabbing his phone and beginning to scroll aimlessly, immediately onto Twitter. As soon as he opened the app, he saw many tweets of just him and Will, making his heart skip a few beats.

"Cute together"

"Look at how James looks at Will"

"They have better chemistry than anyone else Will has on the channel"

He didn't realise he had slammed his phone down aggressively when Will suddenly jumped.

"Fuckin' hell!" he squeaked, pushing himself away from the desk.

"Sorry, sorry-" James muttered, leg beginning to bounce again, "It's just... It's nothing."

Will looked at James's phone, and his cheek twitched,

"What's wrong, lad?"

He went to reach for it, but then James grabbed his wrist. Not really a grab, more a barrier, a forcefield of some sort. He clenched his fingers around the man's wrist and pushed his hand back, sending the chair backwards and into Will's bed.

"No!" James yelped, "You don't want to see it..." he whispered, grabbing his phone and pushing it into his pocket.

"Hey, lad... I weren't gonna.." Will trailed off and he paused. He pushed himself back towards his desk and looked at James sincerely, "Are y' alright, Jim?" 

The younger man sighed and shook his head,

"I keep seeing things..." he mumbled, his hand hovering over the phone in his pocket, "I've seen... things about us..."

Will hummed, reaching for his own phone,

"On....?" he asked, unlocking his phone.

"God fucking knows anymore, I'm just..." James gripped the sides of his chair and exhaled, "I'm queer, Will, I'm not straight..."

Will's face darkened, having then seeing the same thing on his twitter.

"Ah, shit..." he muttered, and he looked over at James, who was visibly distressed about this all.

"Why do people think that I'm in love with every male YouTuber I talk to?" James frowned massively, motioning his hands to the man opposite him before then wringing them and fidgeting with them.

"You can say somethin', man. Tell people t' stop." Will suggested, and he pulled himself closer to the other man, "We could make this all stop, if y' want it t'." he added, looking deeply into James's eyes. He seemed exhausted and fed up. Something was up, or maybe even something had been up. Will didn't know, but he knew that he had to help.

"Are y' doin' well, Jim?" Will questioned, and James didn't respond, only sighing.

"Do y' want it t' stop?" 

James looked up, staring directly into Will's soul, and he opened his mouth. Then it closed.

He relaxed against the chair in consideration, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his phone.

"Together" he saw on another tweet.

Together...

His eyes flicked up to Will's, and he sighed.

"I... I don't know how they know so quickly." James mumbled, placing his phone on the table, "I wish I couldn't ruin this, Will."

Will placed his hand onto James's shoulder, 

"Lad... You ain't gonna ruin anythin'. I don't care if y' like me. I mean, Jim, I'm into women, but like... yeah, it's fine."

James frowned and moved away slightly, Will's arm flopping down off his shoulder.

"Will..." 

James was hurt by what Will had said, clearly at the tone of his voice and the fact that he moved away. Something had been up for a while, but Will couldn't put his finger on it and see what it was. He guessed that now, this was the issue. He cursed under his breath, slamming his fist onto the arm rest of his gaming chair,

"No, mate, I mean that- I..." he trailed off to stare at James, his dark eyes showing fear and some sort of deep yearning.

The man had moved away from him, creating some distance between the two of them. Emotionally or physically? Maybe even socially? Will didn't know... 

There was just a moment where they looked into each other's eyes and just... simply looked. Searched. Delved within each other's windows to the soul for the answer. Will had looked into James's eyes many times, but this time it was different; he supposed having the homosexuality factor included was infact the difference. James wasn't straight; Will just didn't really care if he was or not, and he still would be his friend either way, his best-friend infact.

"I don't mind it."

It came out as partial realisation.

Will didn't mind that another man, not only with it being his best friend, liked him. He just didn't mind it. Will didn't mind that James liked him. Will didn't mind if James wanted to stay over for a night, and Will didn't mind the idea of all of them living together, but with the stress of four men like them all together in one room, maybe just living with one of them would be safe enough. And he'd know who it'd be in a matter of seconds: James.

The switch clicked in James's head and Will watched it in real time. The man's eyes lit up almost, they certainly changed, his body language relaxed from tense to a more fluid one, back to how James should be.

"I don't mind any of it, lad. I..." Will trailed off again.

I would like it ..

I would want to get to know you in a deeper way...

Will's thoughts raced through his head.

"Do whatever." Will smiled, "I ain't a bloody homophobe."

James awkwardly smiled,

"Yeah.." he breathed, "And if you don't like it then.. Just tell me."

"I will."

Will never told James if he didn't like it. From those years back, to 2025, Will never told James to stop. And here they were.

The alarm clock buzzed and rang out annoyingly loud in their bedroom. A collective groan escaped the bundle and tangle of two men together before one hand reached out to stop it.

"Why the fuck do y' have y' alarm up for so early...?" Will grunted, stretching his arms and legs. James yawned next to him, rubbing his eyes.

"Dunno..." James mumbled, turning away and reaching to his phone, "Six o'clock... Right.." 

Will was still wrapped around him when he sat up, and so was brought up with him.

"Ah!" he yelped, tightening his grip around James, eyes wide with fear and the random adrenaline rush.

"Warn me next time!" he exclaimed, letting go of James and relaxing back down into bed. James simply grinned and shook his head in humility as he got out of bed.

"Will," he called from the wardrobe, "I'm going to get some coffee, maybe some breakfast too, wanna come?" 

At the mention of coffee, Will rose from his coffin of his side of the bed. His left eye blinked before his right.

"Sure..." he muttered, sliding out of the bed and over to James, whom he then melted against, wrapping his arms around him.

"What are you doing?"

"I dunno... I'm tired, Jimmy..."

"I've got to start rehearsals and that again this week, Will, so..." he pulled out a pair of dark wash wide leg jeans, "I may be absent during the day."

Will let go of the younger man, taking a step back, crossing his arms,

"Am I allowed t' come? Acclimatise me t' y' live music, maybe." he suggested, "'N I like your band. I'll drive y' there!" he offered, trying his hardest to persuade him, even though James actually hadn't given him an answer. 

James shot him a warm smile, his hair strewn over his eyes messily.

"Of course you can come, Will. If it makes you feel better."

Will cheered, jumping a little,

"Yes!! Thank you, lad." he settled down, "And yes, it'll make me feel better. I know it sounds petty but if I know what y'r new songs sound like live, then I'll be as fit as a fiddle."

James chuckled softly as he gathered the rest of his clothes and placed them on the bed before leaving the room to have a shower.

So. This was his life now, thought Will. Living with James Marriott, who had gotten a number one album and was sure to headline at some big name festival sometime in the new year, and was sure to start performing in larger venues, with more fans. Music seemed the way to go with how much support he had gotten from his recent works, and Will wanted to make sure that he was James's number one supporter.

The car journey to the studio wasn't eventful, and the idea of getting into a car crash thankfully didn't cross Will's mind.

He turned the key, put the car into park and lifted the handbreak. Beside him, James was practically buzzing with excitement,

"Y' alright, lad?" Will asked, pulling the key from the car and shoving it into his pocket. James looked at him and couldn't stop himself from beaming,

"Well- I'm finally giving you a little personal show!" he grinned, stretching out his hands rapidly, "The setlist is the same as last time, but I'll give you a rundown."

On the way into the studio, carrying his guitar case and amp, the man gave Will a basic rundown on how the show would go, and exactly each song. Will nodded along, scribbling it all down into his notes app, almost bumping into a wall as he was too focused. Hearing James sound so passionate and genuinely excited about his interests was something Will could never deny loving. That stupid grin, the sparkle in his eyes, the stutters when he grew too excited; Will loved it all.

"Oh, just here!" James grinned, opening a door for Will before then following him into the room, where the rest of his band was awaiting.

After some not so needed introductions, awkward handshakes and mumbles of hellos, Will found himself awkwardly sat on a chair, watching as the band talked through the rehearsal schedule.

"Why is there a slide?" Will asked randomly at one point.

For fun, he realised.

For fun, is what they replied.

The band returned to discussing. Will shifted in his seat, gripping the sides of the chair and zoning out as he analysed the grooves within the carpet. 

He was zapped out of it after God knows how long when the buzz of wires being plugged into amps and volume being turned up to almost maximum. Will gulped at that matter, his eyes flicking up to James, who was holding a sheet of paper, turned away from the man.

"Okay, right, then after the album run-through we go through some of the older songs, like we did before-" James was explaining.

A guitar began to be tuned over what James was saying, Will crammed his eyes shut for a few seconds before opening them up again reluctantly.

"Jim.." he called, inhaling deeply afterwards, and the tall man turned back.

Will shot him a look. A look of "I'm uncomfortable with this". 

James approached him with no question, the paper in his hand still. 

"What's wrong?" he asked, folding the paper up and putting it in his pocket. Will looked up at him, and then his eyes flicked to the door and back to James,

"Them noises... Can't stand them loud buzzing noises." Will muttered, and James looked back,

"Are you guys okay with it being quieter?"

There was a hum of agreement and amps were turned down; James turned back to Will, concern written all over his face.

"I'm starting with Ventriloquist. Okay?" his hands found Will's and then he knelt down, "I'm right here, Will."

Will felt his gaze unfocus and his hands trembling,

"Will?" 

Thankfully the rest of the members weren't watching them; they were quietly still tuning their many guitars and discussing something to do with the news. They were being considerate.

Will felt a warm hand on his cheek, and his eyes refocused, seeing James frowning and analysing him.

"Do you want to stay?" James asked, and Will nodded erratically.

"Yes, Jim, I really do... I don't usually get nervous about them loud noises and all, I love my concerts and live music, Jim... I dunno..."

James moved his hand back to Will's, squeezing it gently and shooting him a warm smile.

"Have you seen any red tape?" James questioned.

Will shook his head and he swore he heard a sigh of relief exit James's mouth.

"I find it a little hard t' focus for some reason... I'm staring at t' ground and just... starin'." 

Confusion crossed James's face. Lack of focus was usually his area, not Will.

"It's going to be like... two hours, Will..." James whispered and Will nodded,

"I can handle it..." he muttered. 

He could. Hearing 'Don't Tell The Dog' all throughout was surreal, and he loved each and every second of it. When the last moments of Limbs rang out, he stood up and cheered,

"Fuckin' brilliant, mate!" he grinned, and James grinned right back at him, placing down his guitar and removing his hoodie. A flash of flexing muscles pierces Will's point of view, and the man short-circuited and turned red, now watching James pick up his guitar and place the strap onto his shoulder, Will's eyes getting a front row seat (quite literally) of James's muscles.

"Haha," James chuckled through the microphone, "We're moving onto my other stuff now, Will. Bit more rockier." 

Will barely nodded, staggering back into his seat and trying his hardest not to stare at James as he began with Where Has Everyone Gone?

He was down bad. He knew it. The younger man almost benched and lifted practically double what he could in the gym, so there was no reason why the man shouldn't have a little muscle on him. It was, now, quite a bit, and maybe what was dragging out Will's queerness - not maybe, most definitely. 

"Do you want to hear Car Lights, Will?" James asked, adjusting the microphone a little, pointing it downwards a little more. Will gulped,

"Uhhhhhmm.... Up t' yous. You lot are the big bosses. I'm just here to see yous all perform before y' go out again." he shrugged, his eyes yet again avoiding James.

"Well, only being cautious." 

James smiled politely at him before skipping that song, and moving onto Him.

The more emotional songs began rolling in, and when Don't Blame Me hit its infamous bridge and ending, James was, respectfully crashing out. And Will found himself admiring the rage that encompassed the man as he yelled into the microphone the lyrics of the finale, strumming aggressively onto his guitar and Will truly believed he was going to break a string if he wasn't careful. 

"And I'll fall from your hands, straight into your glov- Fuck-!"

James stopped strumming, pulling up his hand to his mouth, scowling in pain a little. 

Will saw red and his heart leapt to his throat.

"Y' okay?" he asked before anyone could,

"Yeah, all good- Ah, shit, shit-" James swore, flapping his hand around. The others around him quickly put their instruments down in concern,

"Just, y'know, strumming a bit too hard." he muttered, and Will nodded, watching as the others sourced the first aid box and patched the man back up.

It was an unusually large plaster for 'strumming too hard', but Will knew not to tread the waters of being curious about injuries.

"Will," James said, approaching him, "That song will be unbelievably loud." 

Will nodded, 

"Yeah... Biggie for y', hm? Y' alright, man? I swear y' always get emotional durin' it. Makes me feel some tingles too." Will queried, standing once more, peering down at James's hand. James paused and then scratched his head, laughing nervously.

"Haha, it's just a very personal song, really... Just about a girl I was dating for quite some time, and then she was never in love with me... so..." 

Will swore he saw James's eyes darken and the colour leave his face as the sentence left his mouth,

"It's surreal seeing people yell out 'So when we were fucking, who were you thinking of?'. I never thought I'd have people relate so much to it..."

Will smiled, 

"I relate t' Car Lights, big time, fella." he patted James's shoulder, "I love the way y' just sum it all up correctly, and I suppose y' fans do too. I know I usually take the mick out of yous for y' fans having blue hair and that but, Jim," he peeked over James's shoulder to look at the band, "Y' lot have a fuckin' brilliant way of connecting with y' fans' heartstrings." 

He then playfully hit James's arm,

"You especially with me, Jimbo."

James laughed wholesomely and then pecked a kiss onto Will's cheek,

"Shut up, man..."

Will grinned and pushed James back towards the microphone.

"Go on! Sing me a show!" he shouted, chuckling once more afterwards. A flustered James looked down at him, pulling his guitar strap over his arm. It was the perfect view for Will to gawp and fawn over the man like a lovesick teenager.

"You'll have a fever dream with this song." James smirked, winking down at Will. Will gulped.

Then, suddenly the drum intro of Grapes rolled throughout the studio and Will's heart skipped a few beats as the goosebumps on his arms stood up. He was tapping the beat with his foot, looking in pure awe at how wonderful James was.

James approached Will, grabbing his hand and twirling him around, laughing the lyrics of the chorus into the microphone as Will yelped out in fear.

"Y' gonna fuckin' kill me, Jim!" he squawked, flailing his hands out for balance.

James simply laughed at him.

It reached the bridge, James did his infamous Grapes belt, which Will cheered for afterwards, watching as the man leaned backwards, crying his heart out into the microphone. Will stopped in his tracks to admire the sheer beauty of James doing what he does best - performing. The sudden change in energy from a highly emotional song to one that made Will just want to jump for some reason.

James snapped back up, approached Will again, finishing the rest of the chorus as he once more began dancing with him. Will wondered what it was like to experience the Grapes Pit; he hoped he wasn't squashed, but he rather enjoyed getting spun around by James in his studios whilst he performed Grapes.

The song finished, Will gave an over-the-top standing ovation, despite standing already and James just looked so genuinely happy, it warmed Will straight to the core. 

James couldn't stop laughing.

"Incredible!" Will grinned, his hands leaping to James's face, "Amazin', you're fuckin' amazin' !!!" 

"Hahaha!!" James exclaimed, "Did you like it, Will?" he asked, and Will scoffed, moving his hands to James's. 

"Like it? Motherfucker, I loved it. Hats off t' all of yous."

Will hoped that the grin that sat on James's face never ever left his memory.

They started to pack up a bit later, the thrill of performing a show to one singular person seemingly having been thrown out of the window.

"I think we'll have to work on The Other Side solo a bit, but other than that I think we're all good and ready." James said as he knelt down to place his guitar back into its case. Will peered over his shoulder as he did so, seeing splatters of something red over the strings. He felt light headed all of a sudden.

"Is that blood?" he asked gravely.

James looked up at him and then down at his guitar. He closed the case up and stood up, his hand on Will's shoulder.

"Yes, but I'm alright now. Steady, Will. Breathe for me."

Will nodded. 

He hated blood. He hated everything bloody, anything to do with gore and all that business; it made him feel queasy and light-headed. Not anxious, mainly just sick, and sometimes he had the tendency to faint. 

He walked back to his chair and sat down, fishing into James's bag for a water bottle, in which he finished in one large chug.

"Hey, that's my water..." James grinned, picking up his bag. Will glanced up at him, his eyes slightly dazed.

James had his hoodie back on; Will missed seeing his arms already. He stood up and James held his hand.

His guitar case and amp were still sitting inside the studio as they made their way back to the car.

"What about y' guitar and... stuff?" Will asked, clambering into the driver's seat.

"I'll leave them there." James replied as he sat down in the passenger seat, "How about we go grab a Maccies?" he proposed as the car started.

Will nodded, feeling his stomach growl at the thought of food.

"God, yes..." he groaned.

*

They journeyed to nearby McDonald's and James was very adamant about Will eating a bit more than just a Happy Meal.

"Look, I don't care if it's more money for something bigger. I don't want you to faint, Will."

They decided to share a twenty box of chicken nuggets with some fries. James let Will eat majority of the nuggets, their hands connected and knees pressed up against each other beneath the table.

"I dunno if I said it enough but y' amazing, Jim." Will mumbled as he dipped a chip into his ketchup, "Y' do a lot for my anxiety 'n I love y' for that... Y' don't laugh 'n shit."

James smiled,

"I never knew you to be sappy in the middle of a Maccies, Will. But, thank you. I love you for all you do in return."

They shared a small smile. James brushed his thumb over Will's knuckles again,

"Do you want to keep coming?" he asked, leaning forwards a little, "It'll be until... well, a few days before we head off."

Will smiled politely,

"I think I'll be alright, Jim. I'm ready t' face the world." he grinned back, puffing out his chest.

James huffed out a laugh, squeezing Will's hand and nodding,

"Okay, okay. If you say so." 

*

"Things are getting weird!" 

James was lying his head on Will's stomach, on his phone, scrolling on social media, and in the corner of Will's eye, he saw his facial expression falter at the sound of that comment. Will looked down for a moment, looking at how comfortable James looked relaxing against him. It all looked natural. How on earth was it weird? Yes, they were in bed, and James was lying on him, but it wasn't weird in the slightest.

"Not weird, there's no need t' be a homophobe." he muttered as he returned to looking at his phone.

But every now and then, he would look down at James, noticing how he was a bit more sleepier each time he peered down. Deep inside him, he secretly hoped the man would fall asleep.

Will wasn't gay though. He knew that very clearly.

Yet, how would it feel to sleep next to another man? How it feel if it was all James? Will had an odd urge to run his fingers through James's hair as the man scrolled on his phone, or maybe as the man slept in his arms.

Will wasn't gay.

However, now, he was thinking otherwise.

Chapter Text

Before either man knew it, the week had flown by, and to rub the salt in the wound, James slept on the sofa on Sunday night so he wouldn't wake Will as he left early Monday morning.

Except, Will secretly wanted that, so he woke up before James.

He peered round the corner of the hallway and into the living room, seeing the musician lounged out across the makeshift bed, snoring, with the cat curled up in his lap, also sleeping. 

It was three o'clock in the morning, and James was due to wake up then, but it seemed he didn't set a bloody alarm, which was typical Will found. He checked his watch again, then his phone to make sure it was actually three o'clock, in which it was; and so, he approached James quietly, placing his hands onto his shoulders and shaking him gently.

"Jameeesss..." Will whispered, leaning forwards a little, "Y' need t' wake up, lad." 

There was a low grumble that resonated from the sleepy man, before then his eyes flickered open sleepily and he shifted around.

"..hm?" James hummed, rubbing an eye. He paused when he saw the sight of Will, as if a deep-rooted memory suddenly bloomed again.

"Y' need to wake up, Jim. It's three." Will said, letting go of James and stepping back, watching the man stretch carefully so Otto in his lap wouldn't be disturbed (he failed).

Otto leapt from the sofa and immediately meowed.

"Alright, alright, little fella, I'll feed yous in a moment," Will said, reaching down and picking up Otto, cradling him in his arms. The cat meowed again, and Will grinned,

"Ohh, you must be starvin', lad... Does Jimbo not give you enough attention and food?" Will chimed, stroking Otto's stomach and watching how his tail acted like a whip with how it moved around. 

"No, you give him too much, Will." James huffed before chuckling softly, standing now.

To say James was suffering with bed hair would be an understatement, it looked like he had been skydiving and landed in a thornbush. 

He approached Will, taking the cat from his arms and lifting him high up,

"He's hefty, Will." he quipped.

Will crossed his arms,

"Bit mean! Don't let 'im hear that!!" he yelped, and James laughed, placing the cat back down, who then curled around Will and pawed at him.

"I'll go feed him, he's scouring for food." Will said as he walked towards the kitchen funnily linked to the living room.

Will also watched as James crawled back onto the sofa, sighing in relief and falling into a light sleep in the sheer matter of minutes it took him to give Otto food. 

He stood over the sofa, staring at James sleeping.

"Oh, Jimbo, what am I gonna do with y'..." he muttered, leaning over and shaking the man awake again.

James groaned this time, clearly annoyed about being woken.

"Jim. You can sleep on t' way t' the studio, that's where y' bus is, hm?" Will cocked his head and James half-nodded, not really acknowledging the conversation.

"I'm tired, Will..." James mumbled, rubbing his eyes yet again.

"I know, lad, but y' gotta do this tour!" Will grasped onto James's hands,

"Y' love performin'. Y' look magnificent at every show. C'mon, Jim, let's get yous up and fed."

He pulled James up and was still holding onto one of his hands as he led him to the kitchen.

"I'll cook y' a nice English breakfast, I know how y' like it." Will announced as he fished out the main ingredients from the fridge. James smiled softly, still very much fast-asleep in his brain. 

"You don't have to, Will..." he mumbled, but Will was already grabbing a pan from the cupboard,

"Shhh. You can go snooze a few more in t' bed. Go on, so y' can wake up with y' brekkie." he twirled it in his hand before placing it onto the hob, not turning on the gas yet. He glanced over at James, who was just still standing there.

"Y' gonna beat it or y' gonna stay?" Will asked and James looked around,

"I'll stay." he mumbled, watching attentively, "I don't want you to burn the apartment down." 

He crossed his arms, holding onto his waist as his eyes followed Will around the kitchen, altering his recipe ever so slightly, and Will mocking his pickiness. After a while, James had taken a few steps closer to the threshold to the doorway, even risking a few longing glances at their bedroom.

"Beat it t' the bed, lad, you need it." Will muttered, flipping over the bacon with a pair of skewers carefully; James watched.

He simply hummed, turned on his heel and a few moments later, Will heard the springs of the mattress creak and a satisfied sigh exit the man's mouth. 

When Will entered the bedroom, holding a plate with cutlery and a glass of water, James was tangled within the duvet, snoring loudly and looked completely out of it. Will couldn't help but laugh a little, before then prodding the man awake.

"There y' go, Jim." Will smiled, placing the plate down, "Just how y' like it."

"Thank you, Will..." James whispered, the corners of his mouth only slightly curling into a small, polite smile, and it was as if the manners etched into his brain all those years ago were beginning to resurface as he took the plate and sat cross legged, eating in silence with Will next to him.

"Will." James uttered, the tone of his voice quivering ever so slightly, his volume equally as careful and light. Will turned, his head cocking in confusion and anticipation, his curtained waves drifting over his eyes. The other man was staring down at the plate in front of him, deep in thought, his eyes conflicted between merely just emotions, like two trains on different tracks, going different directions.

"Yeah?" he responded, reaching to James's hand like a reflex, "You good?" he mumbled.

James nodded, disconnecting their hands; Will didn't grab it back, yet his heart squeezed a little and the terrifying butterflies announced themselves in his stomach.

"Yeah. Just.. thinking." the younger pursed his lips, eyes narrowing, "Are you sure you'll be alright?" he then questioned, turning his head to also face Will,

"I'll be alright." Will replied, holding out his pinky, but then put it back down; his mind scolded his childish tendencies, "I promise y', lad. I'll be barricade for yous. Don't think too negatively, Jim." 

James nodded, a few times more than usual, rubbing a hand on his leg, his palm exerting a large amount of force. He gulped and looked down, his hand finding the cutlery and fiddling with them as he shakily exhaled. Do something, he thought, just take these thoughts away.

"Woah, Jim..." Will exhaled, inspecting the man's face and seeing his eyes battling in troubling turmoil, frantically moving,

"I'm alright, just those pre-tour nerves..." James excused, but Will wasn't having any of it.

"Tell me, Jim. Before y' go." his voice was persuading, "It would do y' more harm if y' don't."

The scraping of the cutlery ceased and the plate moved to the end of the bed. James relaxed against the pillow, head toward the ceiling, and Will could see a small scab from when he nicked himself from shaving that previous night.

It was as if a brick wall was formed between his vocal cords and his mouth; his teeth chattered as his mouth simply just opened and shut repeatedly, like a lost man's chest constantly showing the same nothingness everpresent, sparking more panic,

"I'll always be a call away." Will comforted, inching closer, "Y' ain't ever been like this before, Jim. Nowt like this happened in September 'n October nor at the beginning of t' month." 

James lifted his knees up, pressing them against his chest. He sighed.

"I don't know how I'll be able to prevent you from being scared." he confessed, "I'm going to be countries away..."

"I'll be alright, Jim. I won't do anythin'." he then blinked in consideration, "Well, obviously I will do stuff."

James scrunched up his pyjamas shorts, glaring into Will's eyes, his cheek twitching a little.

"But you're not gonna be gone as long as last time, 'n I'll be at y' final show."

"My homecoming." James corrected, a warm, familiar grin back on his face, and Will scoffed, gently slapping the man's arm,

"Whatever, James. I know how y' gonna do it so... 'n I can look at videos."

"Don't like all of them, Will, I know what you're like."

They peered at each other, Will's cheeks slightly pinker than they were before, and James more happier. James's smile faded and he cleared his throat, his hands back to scrunching the fabric of his shorts.

"Just.. be safe.. please." he asked, "I can't cancel the shows or anything, and I'd have to pay quite a bit if I had to, as well as refunds and I won't be back the same day so... I wouldn't be there to help-" 

His breaths were heavy and stressed, struggling and borderline hyperventilating. Not really borderline, it was what he was doing.

Will immediately clenched James's hands tightly, pulling them closer, pulling him closer. 

"James." Will whispered, "You're overthinking this."

His tone was soft and gentle.

Will could feel the other's hands trembling within his; James gulped, eyes crazed. He looked down at their hands.

"But-" he started,

"No. James."

James's face scrunched up and he pulled his hands away, turning his head away so Will couldn't see how his eyes were swelling with tears begging to leave.

Will recaptured his hands, and this time, instead of having it done to him, he brushed his thumb over James's knuckles,

"James.. Throw some clothes on, we're goin' on a walk." he said, and his grip was about to slip away from the younger's hand, but James kept the connection strong.

"I don't want to-... I don't need to-" he stammered, sniffling a little, "I want to stay here until we go."

"Alright. We can do that. But y' overthinkin' how I'll feel. I'll be fine, lad." 

Will creeped over, wrapping his arms around James,

"I appreciate your worry, you big softie, but I promise, I'll be fine."

*

When James was finally convinced, Will managed to also convince him to go on a walk. 

James walked considerably and noticeably slower than usual, and Will suspected it to be purposeful.

"You good?" he quipped, slowing his pace down and rejoining the taller man's side. James hummed, stuffing his hands in his pockets and nuzzling his nose into his scarf, exhaling and shivering as he attempted to muster up body heat. Will wrapped his arm around James's, slowing them both down to a sluggish promenade.

"Y' alright, Jim. Y' gonna be all good." Will would mutter as they turned the corner onto the beachfront, his eyes naturally spotting the bench where they ate fish and chips the other week. Onto the horizon, beyond the low tide of the pebbled beach, the sun was beginning to peak up above it, cautiously watching as both men trudged down the pavement. 

"I dunno what genius said walks were good for yous, but man, hats off to them.." Will muttered, attempting to brew up a conversation, but the taller man next to him was simply just silent.

"James, can y' talk t' me?" Will then asked, stopping them right in front of the pier, the lights just starting to blink on. James was standing in front of them, eyes focused on the ground, half of his face buried into his scarf, as if he was trying to be George or something, hands in the pockets of his jacket. Yet still, even in the sadder of times, the lights around the man, in their iridescent rainbow hues, never failed to highlight his independent beauty. It was clear James didn't want to talk, but Will would rather appreciate it if James did talk. 

"Will y' miss me?" Will questioned.

James huffed a laugh out,

"Of course." he stated, turning and looking toward the lights proudly carrying the name 'Brighton Pier' like a heart on one's sleeve. His pupils shrank as the light focused in. James exhaled,

"Everyone misses someone, Will, everyone misses something." He announced.

Will thought that to be odd. It was true; just odd.

"Yeah... That's true... What y' missin'?" 

James didn't respond immediately, and as he was turned away from elder man, Will thought the question had been discarded the moment he uttered it out. 

The younger blinked, squinting as the glare from the lights became too much. He bowed his head and looked down.

"A lot of things that if, well, ha," his nose scrunched as he chuckled, "I'll be here until next year if I said them." James whispered sweetly, turning his head a little, his right eye peering down at Will.

"Could y' tell me one?" 

Will approached carefully, and contemplation washed over James's face in unison with the waves against the rotting beams of wood below them standing proudly in the water.

*

"Jim?" 

Will didn't know what time it was, only the fact he knew he was horribly hungover. James was sprawled over his sofa, a bottle of something still in the man's hand as he slept. The party was... fun. Fun. That's the only world that came to Will's mind. He couldn’t remember much.

He poked at the other man until he awoke, voice hoarse and pupils still blown. 

"Urgh.. Will..." he grumbled, pulling up the glass bottle to his mouth and taking a swig of it. 

It woke James up, most certainly, the bitter taste on his tongue soon turning into one of comfort and familiarity; he couldn't help but keep drinking. He supposed that it was the same that previous night and had lost control, notably why he had crashed on Will's sofa. He felt groggy and dirty.

But then, Will snatched the bottle from him, placing it behind his back, white-knuckled grip on the neck of it. A little alcohol fell from James's mouth and onto his jeans,

"James- You're hungover, don't drink more." Will said, strict toned.

Something was flickering within James's eyes and Will couldn't quite decipher it; it seemed to be guilt, he realised after a while - the man's Adam's apple bobbled nervously. 

"It's bad again, isn't it?" Will then asked, moving away and placing the bottle onto the table. The sofa shifted. He glanced back, seeing James looking around uncomfortably, trying his hardest to make his gaze avoid the bottle onto the table.

"Mm... Jim, I know y'." Will muttered, sitting down next to James on the sofa, a hand unconsciously reaching to his shoulder and rubbing it comfortingly. James let put a pathetic sigh, holding his head in his hands.

"I don't know how get out." he muttered melancholicly, staring at the wet patch on his jeans. They both stank of alcohol.

"Just know that instead of t' alcohol, y' got me. Let it all out, lad. I remember y' last night, all I can remember.. is.. er.. y' crying."

James went red, 

"Oh, shit, and everyone saw?" he lifted his head, eyes onto Will's, full of terror. Will tried to remember, and he did remember the party.. no one was there but Will. 

"Er... no. It were only us at this point. Y' just looked tired 'n destroyed, and I couldn't let y' go home like that. Y' had a bit too much, hm?"

James looked dejected as he nodded in admittance.

"As per fucking usual." he groaned, running a hand through his hair,

"What did I say? Last night." he then added, "I have to tendency to say some stupid fucking things."

It was oddly to see the man smile, contrary to the previous night, and also that he had been in a spiral for a long time, Will presumed. Then, Will realised James was condescending himself.

The man blushed in front of Will, seemingly embarrassed by something neither of them can exactly remember. Will's brows furrowed in thought, scouring through his thoughts like a child to a toy box. 

"Fuck- James!" 

The rest of the house was silent, and as far as Will was concerned, all of the guests had left - or so he thought. Curled up in the bathroom, bottle in hand, was James Marriott. Will had never seen the man look so... destroyed, and yet he wondered why he was in his bathroom. Naturally, Will got a little mad.

"James, what the-!?"

Will then silenced himself; there was no use condescending the man; it seemed he had been through enough at that moment. He approached, wobbly on his own feet, stopping before the man and kneeling down. 

James's pupils were completely blown, combined with the effects of the alcohol depressant and being in the dark for God knows. Will presumed he had done an Irish goodbye and left, but no, he had made camp in his bathroom of all places. The man's face was wet from what Will presumed to be hysterical crying of some sort, and his chest was heaving up and down with great gasps for air. 

"Y' alright, lad?" Will muttered, settling down next to James, "Aye, put that bottle down, hm?"

"I'm a fucking.. idiot.." James responded, his speech slow, "I tried..." he frowned, and he then looked down at the bottle in his hand,

"Will, I tried... so f.f..f.fucking hard to..." he exhaled, shaking the bottle angrily in his grip, face screwing up as more tears drifted down,

"T' what, Jim?" Will enquired, taking the risk and placing his hand over James's to stop whatever left over alcohol to spill over the man,

"To stop, to stop- This!" James exclaimed, motioning to the bottle, his breathing worsening, the atmosphere tensing and guilt panging through Will's body.

"Hey, hey, lad- Lad- I didn't know y'... I couldn't tell this time, there were too many people." Will reasoned, and James shook his head violently,

"I was meant to stop- I have to... I had to stop-!!" James blubbered, all of the emotions bubbling in his heart catching up to him, causing more tears to spill from his eyes,

"Jim, put the bottle down-!" Will pressed, a little louder and stricter this time. He reached for the drink,

"No- no- no-" James begged, raising his arm above his head, the liquid sloshing around and onto the floor, "I can't control it-!" 

"James, come on-" Will pulled down James's arm,

"I'll just go back to it! I can't stop it, Will!!" James raised his voice, and there, naturally, was some silence afterwards. James's arm flopped back down into his lap; Will's hand grasped the neck of the bottle.

Will uncurled James's fingers from the bottle, quickly discarding it afterwards, James's hand still resting upon his, yet that quickly changed when the man crumbled in on himself.

"James." Will voiced, glancing over, "I know y' well. I know how y' act."

James's face was buried in his knees; a soft whine escaped him, like a desperate plea for help as he wept into his trousers.

"... 'N I know y'.. I know y' been strugglin' 'n I probably didn't help with this party but.. I just wanna say I'm really sorry, lad." 

There was a slight rustling of fabric as James just suddenly leapt into Will's arms, wrapping himself around the other man and gripping onto him tightly.

"Woah, lad, lad-" Will held his arms up in shock for a little, very aware of how James's hands were upon his body, and his weary head nestled between his neck and shoulder.

A small sniffle,

"Don't go..." James whimpered.

Will exhaled, placing his hands around James, and instinctively, one drifted up to the man's hair. It was soft and thin and his fingers glided around effortlessly.

"I won't go, Jim." he then stated, etching a spiral with his lone finger, "Y' can stay 'ere."

The younger and most definitely more drunk man relaxed and the only noise for the next few minutes was their breathing and sniffles from James every now and then. He blinked slowly, pulling Will closer towards him.

"Er... I can't remember, lad... I just remember the tears." Will confessed, his hand falling off of James's shoulder. 

"Bad crying?" James questioned,

"Y' were crying y' bloody heart out ont' my shoulder. Y' couldn't stop. Y' were shakin' 'n breathin' funny. Havin' a panic attack, I think... I think I had to tear the bottle away from y'..."

James's leg began to rapidly bounce up and down. He chewed on his lip, and Will saw he was starting to go back into the state the man was that last previous night. He gasped a little and a hand shot to his forehead,

"Jim." Will whispered softly, leaning close, "Jim, can y' hear me, lad?"

He was hyperventilating now, scrunching up the fabric of his trousers he slept in, eyes frantically scanning Will's apartment floor. 

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck-" James repeated a few times before then holding his head in his hands, his legs both jolting about the place. Will saw his hands trembling.

"James-" 

Will looked around. They weren't at James's, he didn't know what exactly to do. His gaze returned to James, who was very clearly panicking.

"Will, I'm so sorry- I'm so sorry for what you saw-" he erratically apologised, shaking his head, "I was just vulnerable and I probably said some sort of weird shit, I was too drunk and-"

"James, it's alright." Will mumbled, "Breathe for me in. Deeply, now, lad."

James did as told. 

"Good lad. It doesn't matter what y' told me, I can't remember for my life."

James nodded, somewhat relieved. 

"You know... I'm not.. straight.." James muttered into Will's shoulder, shifting slightly so that he was now lying upon the man,

"I know, Jim. Y' told me like... fifty times." 

Will looked down,

"What y' doin'?"

James shrugged, giggling a little. Will remembered he was very much still drunk, but no longer hysterically crying and weeping; he then also realised that was a good thing. The more he thought about it, he realised that James's track of thought was all over the place. He hadn't taken any time to really... soak it all in and process it all.

"I'm so... drunk, Will..." James slurred, laughing at the end of the sentence, "My thoughts are crazy..!"

Will cocked his head in confusion, smirk pushing at his cheeks,

"Yeah? Tell me one." he smiled, and James's silly grin faltered for a moment. He paused and swallowed nervously, cheeks pinker than they already were.

"Haha, no..." he muttered, exhaling as his hand traced the grooves in the tiles on the floor, "It'd... ruin everything." 

His hand abruptly stopped.

"Ruin everythin'? Gonna kill me or somethin'?" Will poked but James stayed silent, removing his hand from the floor and brushing off the dust onto his trousers,

"I think it would be close to it, man..." James responded at last, and Will gulped, only growing more curious.

"Would it...?" he asked, voice softer but darkened by his unwanted and sudden fear. James looked up at him.

"I... Well... More our friendship." 

Will's heart squeezed. He sat up more, feeling the cold tile beneath his shirt as his back met with the wall,

"What? Y' alright?" he queried, but the other man only laughed and smiled warmly.

"I really love how much you care about me..." James grinned, "On the outside... it's like you hate.. this. But.. we both know you care."

Will's cheeks blossomed red.

"Shut it."

James giggled sheepishly; Will really couldn't stop himself from liking the sound - oh, and turning more red.

"If it gonna ruin our friendship, why won't y' tell me? Maybe I can help?" Will offered, weighing out the options. 

James smiled only a little bit more, he was beaming now; he adored Will's cautiousness and how he seemed to take note of every slight possibility. 'Maybe I can help?' . James felt himself buzz with energy at that remark: Will was totally innocent and could not get the hint.

Another giggle, and his eyes shut completely as he did so,

"Ohh, Will," James murmured, "I'd like your help..."

"Yeah, but with what?" Will asked again, pressing a little more tone into the words. 

The man next to him laughed once more and squirmed around almost as if he was being tickled. Their eyes met, naturally, and silence fell between them once more; James's face sobered up and his smile fell, his eyes becoming sincere and honest.

"Will," he uttered tenderly, "I'm not... straight." 

He kept his eyes locked onto Will's blue,

"I'm not straight." he repeated, slowing his words a little more than they already were, his slurred speech becoming very obvious. 

Then it clicked.

*

"Jim? Are yous here? Y' gone off again." Will remarked, shivering in his coat.

James blinked and then looked back at the beautifully lit sign before then back down at Will, whose legs were moving back and forwards generating heat,

"Y' good?" Will questioned, stepping forwards. James nodded sharply.

"Yeah... Was just... thinking about the past." he responded, rejoining Will's side, his hand leaving his pocket and threading their fingers together. Will was cold to the touch.

"You're cold," he commented as he looked down, "Very cold," he added.

Will's fingertips were bright pink, the rest of his hand whiter than paper.

"Let's go home." James decided, curling Will's hand into his palm, "Before any of this gets worse." 

Chapter Text

The bass was thumping through Will's chest, and the lights were going fucking crazy. He blinked, his frantic eyes following the man on stage erratically. James was prancing about the place, singing into the microphone, and Will sure was serenaded. He couldn't place what song it was, maybe something recent. Then, he remembered the drum intro. It was Grapes.

Their eyes met.

"It's just another girl that looks like you..."

James paused on the stage, still singing, but he approached Will by the barricade quickly after, hopping off the main stage. There were screams around Will, and shoving even as James climbed onto the barricade. Phone flashlights blinded him briefly, and he had to rely on his other senses to locate the man, but the strong scent of that familiar cologne alerted Will to James's location - directly infront. Will felt he had to break his neck just to look at James, the lights simply nothing but a blur in his peripheral. 

James was illuminated not only only by those flashlights, but the green flood lights and purple spotlights brightening the room: the man was drenched in sweat, no joke at all; his black vest was clinging to his chest and torso tightly like a clingy child being dropped off at the nursery; his muscles seemingly flexing somehow, or maybe James had properly started to become buff; he was toned, for sure, and Will couldn't stop himself from staring; his hair was beginning to curl and turn soft and fluffy, and to top it off, on James's neck, similar to before he left, he had a small scabbed cut near his jawline - Will thought that to be trademark by now.

"What's love if it's not true? It's just another girl that looks like-"

Will watched in awe once again at James belting into the microphone, this time not closing his eyes but instead looking directly at him.

Will inhaled shakily, grip increasing tenfold upon the bar as he was pushed further against it, and his ear drums were aching from the screams. He winced and yelped out in pain, keeling over the bar, feeling his forehead bump against James's stomach; then, he felt a hand on his shoulder. 

He looked up.

James no longer had the microphone in hand, and wasn't standing on the barricade, rather in front now. The song must've ended...? He didn't know... He just wanted out.

"You okay?" he said softly, leaning his head by Will's ear so he could hear him, also rubbing a small circle into Will's arm. The older nodded in response, feeling himself being grounded by James's soft touch.

"You don't look it." came James's sweet voice just as the elder peeked up at him, pupils exploded to maximum.

"The pushin'... and the screamin'... Blimey, should've brought ear protection." Will joked and both men began to laugh. The band were still playing, some sort of instrumental, and everyone around them was vibing too it. In a way, they were secluded to just Will and James again; despite being surrounded by a sea of people: a sea of people all here for James. James's hand found Will's, the other threading up to his cheek and cupping it gently.

"Stay safe for me, please." James whispered, and then he suddenly leaned in.

Their lips connected, not harshly, but not gently either; something more... in between. Around them there were screams and shouts of the fans going insane. Will could feel the heat radiating off of James just through his lips, he could feel the man's heavy breathing. He saw the flashlights even with his eyes closed, illuminating the veins in his eyelids. Will himself had frozen up, and he was completely tense, other than fact he was leaning into the kiss, and leaning over the barricade. They separated, Will immediately gasping for breath. 

Will didn't know how to think, other than the fact that they had kissed infront of alteast a thousand people. Oh God, he first thought:

Fuck.

James shot him a look; a mischievous one, before jumping back onto the stage and then running off it, looking back at Will just before he did. He then scanned the crowd and smiled massively, before waving and laughing joyously as he left. 

*

Will jolted awake, red faced and sweaty. He groaned, covering his mouth and shouting a little. He had just had a dream about being kissed by James mid-concert. It wasn't real. They had kissed, many times, but Will never thought it to be such a huge thing.

Just two lads, he thought, slipping on his running clothes: Just two lads. And nothing wrong with that. 

He fed Otto, who had slept on James's pillow, pawing on Will's face at around four o'clock in the morning. The sun wasn't even remotely close to rising above the horizon and greeting them both with a brand new day. Otto's tail swished from side to side as he sat on the kitchen counter, eagerly awaiting his food, pupils wide as he focused on it. 

"I know lad, y' hungry." 

He placed the small bowl down for the cat, who lunged at it and wolfed it down like his predecessor many many years before him. Thrush outside was beginning to voice, robins yawning from their early yuletide slumbers. December was in a few days time. Sitting upon the kitchen counter, leaning against the tiled wall were two chocolate calendars; Will refused to start them until James was back. 

When seeing the cat was satisfied with its meal, Will started on his breakfast, albeit basic, it was filling and simple enough to last him until eleven - something he had formulated in his early twenties just starting his YouTube career. He then slipped on his running shoes, double knotting them, before grabbing his phone, keys, wallet and headphones and leaving the house.

The chill presence of the stairwell outside their flat reminded Will of March, and then, energy began to buzz through him. He pulled up the handle, that too frigid and locked the door, exhaling and really wishing he had a scarf of some sort, but James had taken his to Europe. He had an oddly ambitious plan to do a run, see wherever he would be taken, grab a coffee and lunch and head home. Sounds simple enough, he thought. 

This time, Will didn't play Car Lights, in fact he didn't play any of James's songs. He settled to Bon Iver and let his feet carry him across the Brighton seafront, hues of brilliant blues and pretty pinks splashed against the sky like watercolours on a blank canvas. Utterly beautiful. He paused, feeling the soft glow of the dawn light upon his skin, and pulled out his phone, taking a picture and opening his chat with James.

Sunrise, he simply captioned the image as it sent across. 

Not even a few seconds later did Will see James pop online and the three dots pop up.

Lovely, James responded.

Will stopped completely, the salt-soaked breeze biting into his waves the longer he stood there stationary.

I'm on a run, he said, Fed the cat

Stay safe, James replied; Will smiled to himself.

His thumbs hovered over the keyboard. 

Miss you. It's fucking freezing. Wish you were here.

No.

Come back

No...

It's colder now without you, he settled on. 

The three bubbles taunted him at the bottom of the screen for a few moments. 

How romantic of you, Will. Has Otto stolen my place on the bed?

Yup

Will began to move again, this time, simply walking, The moment he could, he did

Cheeky bastard

Will couldn't stop himself from smiling now.

Call me, James suddenly said, and Will didn't hesitate, no matter how much he hated speaking into his phone.

James's contact blossomed across his screen, the answer button eagerly waiting for him to click it. He did, raising his phone to his ear, removing his headphones.

"Jim," he exhaled, grinning sheepishly afterwards and returning his gaze to the sky, "How's it out there?" he asked.

There was a soft chuckle from the other side.

"Not bad," came a croak. James had just woken; his voice was raspy and deeper.

"Only just awake?" Will questioned, view now focusing on the foreverstretching horizon; James was somewhere across that horizon, he thought.

"Yeah..." James said, stretching his legs, shoulder pressing his phone to his ear as he got out of bed, "So tired." he exhaled, looking back at the bed he was once lying in. 

A brief silence washed over both lines of the call; Will continued his now morning walk along the beach front, tasting the salt on his tongue as he breathed. 

"I'm gonna go t' studio today... Record somethin' with Mikey." Will announced from the other side. James paused in his tracks,

"Oh," he breathed, "What're you thinking?" he then questioned, placing down the phone onto the bedside table and putting it on speaker.

"Dunno... probably same type of content we do... Might help with editin'. Y' know I love planning stuff." Will muttered, and James hummed, picking out his outfit for the day and chucking it onto his bed.

"Have you been anxious?" James asked, and Will paused, as if reflex, 

"No... Nah, I haven't actually. Been runnin'; clears my mind." Will realised he actually wasn't running, "Well, supposed t' be runnin' right now." he scanned his surroundings, "No red tape." he mumbled into his phone.

James sighed in relief as he zipped up his fliers,

"That's good."

"Don't worry about me, lad! I told y' I'm absolutely bloody fine. Get a grip, you big softie."

James laughed from the other end, and Will smirked, flexing his free hand. He exhaled, his hot breath billowing out of his mouth like a steam train, dissipating into the air around him,

"Honestly, y' parade around talkin' about how I shouldn't be anxious, 'n look at yous now. Worrying about me." 

Will could imagine how James would react: a glance around, cheeks and ears going red and a nervous laugh.

He heard that nervous laugh; he felt as if he was scoring on a bingo sheet. One more and he'll have a line.

"Shut it. I'll hang up." James threatened (not very well).

Bingo.

Will simply crossed his arms, seeing the blinking lights of Brighton Pier as he approached it closer and closer,

"Give over, you won't." Will grinned, pausing in his tracks yet again, glancing over to the horizon and seeing the smallest glimmer of the sun creeping over the horizon.

"Ah, sun's coming up now." he commented, squinting as the sudden new light became too much for him.

"Will." 

Will hummed,

"Mm. What's wrong?"

"Can you promise me something?" James asked, and Will suddenly felt the hairs stand up on his skin.

"Can yous promise me somethin'?" Will muttered, staggering inside James's flat and towards the sofa, swinging off his backpack onto the floor as he hit the fabric.

"What's wrong?" Will repeated, voice darkening.

"What's up?" James queried, meeting Will in the living room, but not sitting or laying down; he leant against the doorframe with his arms crossed and an eager expression on his face.

"Well... could you promise that..." James gulped and put his phone on the kitchen counter, "You'll be there for me... No matter what." 

"That what happened.. last week, yeah.. last week, won't change a thing. Yous were there for me 'n I appreciate it," Will exhaled a little shakily, "Can yous promise to keep it like that?"

"Of course I will, lad. What, has something happened?" Will asked, increasing his grip on the phone in his hand.

"Not yet," replied the younger, "But I just have this... sense."

"A lot has changed, Will, there is no denying that, and I don't want to... well, cover it up." James entered the room fully now, and Will turned to face the other direction; as if he didn't want to see his face,

"Keep it like what? What do you want the same, mate?" 

Will pressed his fists to his eyes in contemplation of words, his tongue malfunctioning and his body exhausted somehow.

"I.. I don't want yous t' leave, yeah... 'n whatever... Don't want our... relationship t' change." he muttered, and James hummed,

"Well, it has changed."

"I don't want it t' change for the worse, Jim! I don't want yous t' leave me after all that 'n... 'n everyone will watch as I just- just... can't deal with it."

Will pressed his fists to his eyes once more. James stood above him, not on the sofa yet; he reached down and placed a hand upon Will's shoulder, turning him to face him.

"Will." he said, and Will peeked at him, "Will. Yeah, I'm not going, okay?" he added, sitting adjacent to the older,

"You've been overthinking, mate, I can tell. You know I won't hurt you."

Will gulped. You know I won't hurt you. He sat up, clearing his throat and looking at the man in front of him.

"Do you remember what I say to you?" James asked, leaning close.

"Mm."

"I said, I'm here: for talks like these or other things or- Literally whatever!!" 

Will crossed his arms and scooted into James's embrace.

"Yeah... I have been overthinkin' a bit. I'm just.. not quite graspin' the handles on being.. y'know." 

James's arm wrapped around his shoulder with a secure grip,

"How did you come t' terms with it, Jim?" Will asked, his shoulder tensing at the contact of James's touch. He then froze entirely. James noticed, blinking curiously as he moved away.

"I.. explored." His tone was off, more concerned and worried, "I explored ideas and actions." 

Will huffed angrily and curled himself up into a tighter ball, 

"Fuck's sake. I wish there were an easier way for me t' .. t'... I dunno, lad, it's a big change for me."

"Alright, Jim, I'm headin' back t' flat." Will muttered, placed himself on mute and immediately started on a sprint back home. 

The keys fumbled in his hand as he tried to unlock the door. 

"Will..." came a whine from the phone.

Something was wrong. 

"Aye, Jim, I'm here!" Will yelped into the phone as the door swung open. Will heard a soft plap of paws hitting the floor as he shut the door and entered the living room. He pressed the phone to his ear.

"What's up? You're making me nervy. You've been like this all week."

"I'm not sure.... That's the issue... With how the US tour went and the UK and the first part of Europe- What if I just mess it all up?"

"You're overthinking again, James." Will said, clasping the base of his neck.

"Breathe, lad. Why are you so nervy? Is that the issue? Tired of the tour?" 

James hummed a little.

"It's a long one, lad." Will kicked off his shoes, one flying to the other side of the room, "When y' come back, let's just chill, hm? Sleep in until twelve."

"But the sched-"

"Nowt matters about the schedule in this instance, Jim!! It's y'. Yous are the one that matters. You've been thinking too much."

James chewed on his lip anxiously as he stirred his coffee with his metal straw. 

"Why are you caring so much?" James queried, the straw he was twirling slowly coming to a pause, reflecting the inner epiphany. Will paused too. 

"Things been changin', James. Y' gonna be doing this all y' life. That's a change. Y' been touring for three months; that's a change."

Will paused once more.

"Me 'n y'."

He swallowed down the bubbling feeling in his heart; the one he felt during the run. Will felt his leg twitching and his heart aching and winced.

"That's changed." he barely choked out, shifting on the sofa uncomfortably, "That's why. Cus.. cus now we have somethin'... more."

James took a sip of his coffee.

"Yeah." he replied. 

"In all reality mate, I don't think I've... I don't think I can... I don't wanna..." 

James approached again but Will placed his hands out defensively.

"Okay, Will. Is there anything you think you want?" 

Will lowered his arms, bringing his knees to his chest as he once again crawled into a tight ball. 

"You... and that's bad- because it's fuckin' tauntin' me... I look at myself... 'n I just.. I just look and search for where this feelin' could come from. Then, I just.. stare at myself 'n watch my face twist and contort-" 

Will exhaled suddenly, lifting his head from his knees,

"I look at myself and wonder where I went wrong." he announced, voice quivering,

"I look at myself, I wonder when growing up, where it all went wrong; I wonder what happened for me t' be like this..."

He shook his weighted head around, before then staring at James,

"I look into that poor man's eyes and wonder: what could his life be if he wasn't... if he wasn't... queer?" 

He stared directly into James's familiar hazel eyes; the tears in his soft eyes blurring his vision quickly joined with the tingling in his nose,

"Jim..." he exhaled, hands scrunching his trousers, "James, what's wrong with me?" 

His face screwed into one of misery and despair; James didn't know what to do or think. Will was barely containing his tears, and James knew he had to do something - but what...? He bounced on his heels and one hand reached out and grasped onto Will's shoulder ghostingly.

"There's nothing wrong with you, Will..." 

Will recoiled, scowling,

"There is because- because- I ain't supposed t' be like this. I ain't.. I ain't, Jim." he shook his head, "I ain't queer- I.. I ain't!" 

The man buried his palms into his eyes and convulsed, jolting back against the sofa and sobbing in grief. James gulped nervously,

"How can I... Do you.... I... Will, I don't know what to do!" he exclaimed, hands leaping through his hair as he began to pace around the room.

"I ain't queer, I ain't..." Will repeated over and over,

"But last week!!" James yelped, a strange ferocity to his voice as he came to a halt in front of the elder,

"Last week!" his voice was almost a shout, "Last week we- You..." he trailed off at the sound of Will's crying.

He inhaled deeply, resettled down and then took a seat on the other end of the sofa. Will had his head in his knees, whole body trembling.

"Last week," James began softly, "Last week, Will, we slept together and you asked to be in my arms."

Will choked and he frowned massively, guilt and regret rising through him for the other sense of security and love blossoming from his chest.

"Why did it feel so right?" he voiced miserably.

"Things have been shiftin' lad." Will remarked, playing with the stray threads of the sofa that Otto had ripped apart, "... 'n y' gotta get used t' it.. Might take a while, Jim. But hey, I'm here. When y' come back, y' can have the whole bed."

There was a laugh on the other side from the younger man,

"No, no, I'm only gone for two weeks, Will, it'll fly by so quickly." James grinned,

"Ah, back to content, then!!" Will cheered, kicking his legs up beside him. "I know I did a lot of stuff the last times y' were off, but this time I think I'm havin' a big old break." 

"You need it." James murmured,

"How'd you mean?"

"You saw the red tape last week."

Will hummed. 

James was right; Will had seen it and spiraled.

"I don't want you spiralling without me there to catch you out of it. You could harm yourself trying to run."

"I won't do that, Jimbo."

"I ain't queer, but... but it felt good." Will muttered, dejected as he looked away from the other man in room.

There was something mutual there atleast, James thought, a little relieved.

Still, he wasn't relieved enough.

"Will... Will, we cuddled that next day. I held you close whilst we played FIFA and it all looked natural. You know you wanted that from me..." James inhaled deeply, "Deep down, you want more. I can give you more."

Will groaned and wiped his eyes, sniffling.

"I do," he mumbled, "I do, I do, I do, I do... " he repeated depressingly, "And I hate myself for it- I hate I have these feelin's about y'... Cuz I ain't supposed t' be like this."

"We went on a date. Will...." James's voice was frightened yet still epiphanous, "Will, we.. we're queer together. Collectively. We've changed. And... and I feel the same shame and the same guilt for these feelings."

"It can't be... I can't be... I can't..." Will shook his head once more, his grip on the sofa increasing tenfold to a white knuckle grip,

"But Will, you are. I am too. We are..."

Will leapt from the sofa,

"I don't want t' be!" he barked, "Just leave me alone, James!"

Will shot out some sort of unearthed venom into the last syllable of his name that caused James's heart to leap a few beats. James simply exhaled,

"I'm trying to help... That's all I want to do." he responded calmly, holding his arms out as if he were surrendering. Will flinched like he was traumatised.

"I don't need y' help. I don't need any of y' help. I don't need y'."

James frowned, disregarding what Will was saying was infact hurting him. Yet it seemed his absence of 'wise words of wisdom' tipped Will further over the edge; the man was holding onto the ledge of the mountaintop with just two fingers,

"I don't need y'!!! I'm done with y' shovin' y' happiness in front of me... I just..." Will sniffled again, turning away slightly, "Just wanna be.. happy myself. I'm fed up of seein' everyone else happy."

"Happy with yourself?" James queried.

The living room went silent. In the hall, there was a soft trotting of paws. Otto wandered in, meowing curiously and rubbing himself against Will's leg. He knelt down, running his hand across the cat's spine before fussing him for a few minutes.

"Will," James voiced gently, "I can help you be happy with yourself."

Will's eyes flickered to his, a strange sense of guilt lingering in those solemn blue eyes.

"Otto makes me happy." Will mumbled, his hands still fussing with the cat, who was very much enjoying it, "... Y' make me happy.." he admitted.

James hummed, inching off the sofa and joining Will's side. Otto chirped and James couldn't resist fussing him too.

"I didn't mean t' yell. Didn't mean t' say I don't need yous. I'm just tired, James." Will muttered, watching as Otto admired all the pets he was receiving from both men,

"The bed is always free." James whispered softly, pressing small kisses to Otto's head, 

"As long as this one doesn't take it first." 

Will smiled.

James liked that.

"You never know, Will!" James warned, taking another sip of his coffee.

"Enough about that lad! When you on tonight?"

"Six-thirty for you, seven-thirty over here." James said, "I can't deny that I'm very excited, but can't deny that I am nervous. It always happens before shows. I get a little... tingly."

Will's expression went blank,

"Mate, I don't know what t' say t' that."

"What? I just get tingly that's all. Like butterflies in my stomach. But they're not in my stomach."

Will exhaled melodramatically,

"Lad, how the fuck can y' go from the brink of a panic attack t' this!?" he squawked, shaking his head and laughing to himself. Otto was curled up at the other end of the sofa, snoozing quietly.

Will smiled, 

"I'll be keeping an eyes on socials for videos of y'."

"Adding to the pressure, are we Will? Gosh, it never ends!!!" 

Will guffawed, ending with a "hoo-wee!",

"Haha, no, lad!! Just givin' y' some excitement!!"

"I ain't physically tired. Mentally tired, I am." Will remarked as he relaxed, legs crossed over each other and hands behind him as he lied on James's floor. His eyes were fixed onto James's hand.

"Oh?" James paused his fussing and he looked over at Will, "Do you want to take a break maybe? From content?"

Will hummed, shrugging.

"Keep seein' all that stuff about us. I suppose it made my feelin's for myself worse. Felt like I had t' hurry up and get on with it."

"You know that's not the truth behind those messages." James said, now scooting closer to Will, his hand sliding onto Will's,

"Besides, you can take all the time you need. If anyone asks you to hurry up with it all, they can fuck off."

Will huffed out a half-hearted laugh, pushing his fingers between James's,

"Haha... Yeah... they can fuck off and go away."

James smiled down at Will, his eyes holding a soft, seraphic glow that they hadn't before. Will couldn't stop himself from admiring them, and then he found himself rosy cheeked. 

"Whatever works for you," James's sweet voice sounded, "Even if it's a break from me."

A break from me.

Will shook his head instantly.

"No." he decided, "Y' make me happy. That's what I gotta be, Jim... Happy."

James shrugged, looking back at Otto; Will felt anger rise within him - give me those eyes back, his mind demanded.

He was queer - he was beginning to let the sentence sink in a little further now.

Queer was holding hands in a living room.

Queer was sleeping together and cuddling.

Will was queer and at that time he finally felt no true objection to it.

Chapter Text

Homely was the feeling that Will felt as he blinked awake that day, limbs curled in on themselves, his injured leg still straight at default by now, surrounded securely by his 6'4 lanky friend's arms snaked around his waist. He didn't really know if friend was the correct word in that sense; they were more than that for sure right now. 

They had gone out that previous night; something that they had started to do more often. The meal was nice, and it was as if it was a date, yet it wasn’t….

It... wasn’t. That’s what Will had told himself, yet something was up. Something was growing between them; like a string being pulled taut, Will couldn’t stop himself from growing closer to James.

It wasn't official. Will wanted it to be somehow, but he didn't want to rush the younger man, especially only after two weeks since the initial run.

The run.

Oh, the run. As the thought travelled through his brain, Will shivered and let out a strangled noise, as if he had woken from a nightmare. He turned a little in James's arms, resting his head in the crook of the man's neck, as he started to do more often, and cramming his eyes shut, attempting to suppress a tremor in his hands that wanted to explode into something far far worse. He swore he felt a cold sweat beginning to develop, and an uppercut worth of anxiety poisoned his stomach in that very moment. He pulled his limbs closer to each other, bumping his knees against James’s ribs as he forced himself into an embryonic shape.

Then, he was squeezed - at least his shoulders were.

“Got you.” came a voice, “I'm right here.” 

Will exhaled in a wild sense of relief, lifting his head and seeing a knackered James scanning him almost immediately. In real time, Will watched as the man’s facial expression was washed over with worry, 

“Try not to think about it.” the man said as he moved out of bed and walked over to the door.

“That's easier said than done...” Will muttered, rubbing a spiral into his palm with a harsh thumb, grounding himself back to James's bedroom and not to the winding countryside roads of Surrey, nor to the endless stretch of tarmac and the glaring sign of “Welcome to BRIGHTON & HOVE”.

The mattress creaked as he stood, slowly, still wary of his leg: Will slinked over to James, who was fetching a dressing gown, 

“In you go.” James said, helping Will into the teddy-bear soft gown, even tying a little bow for him. The taller man smiled to himself in triumph at his work before then wrapping his arm around Will's shoulder and holding him close. Will shivered, gulping and closing his eyes, head dipping low.

“You alright, mate?” James wondered,

“Just… fed up of it all…” Will hushed, opening his eyes and taking a step forwards, deciding that he should take charge against his feelings instead of James all the time.

The time was one o'clock in the morning, Will realised as he shot a glance at the clock in the living room,

“Jim.” he called, turning his head back and looking over to the kitchen, "It's one, lad..." 

The quiet clattering in the kitchen came to a halt, and Will gulped as James looked at his watch and then back at Will. He smiled softly, the grin pushing at his cheeks politely,

“I don't mind.” he responded sweetly, but it was clear he did maybe an ounce: his eyes seemed more sunken in his sockets; his hair was sticking up in three different directions, and his voice was a little heavier. The man looked scraggly if anything, Will pondered. 

“But y' tired.” Will reasoned, and James grinned even more. He shrugged, chuckled softly and turned back to the kitchen counter,

“Will, you're on the brink of a full-scale panic attack.” he responded back, which wasn’t entirely false, “You’re the one that has priority here.”

Will hummed, returning his gaze to the living room, also deciding that it was time for him to snuggle on the sofa, sprawled across it rather not majestically, non-injured leg hanging over the armrest whilst the other remained straight.

His tired eyes glanced over to the door of James's apartment, which he could see through the opened living room door leading through to the hallway they had just walked down. Out there, Will saw his black Converse shoes lazily flopped in on themselves, shrunken and cowardly next to James’s Chelsea Doc Martin’s, and yet beside them stood a shoe rack stuffed full of the rest of James’s Doc Martin’s. As Will analysed the dark corridor, he wondered more and more of how much money James had spent on that specific brand and eventually concluded pity for the man’s bank account. Naturally, his eyes fell to the doormat, the bristles in which illuminated by the soft glow of the living room highlighting a soft ombre from top to bottom of dirt from where one would brush their feet as they entered.

Yet within it all, Will swore on his life he saw something scarlet.

He felt his vision wither and suddenly memories panged through his head with unwanted entry, and all of his senses snapped back into the mode they were in a few weeks prior. He jolted and went rigid, eyes wide and staring at the door mat, that infamous curse of vermillion tape gnawing at his eyes as it tainted the only area Will believed he was safe in. He couldn’t run. He couldn’t hide. No matter where he went, he just had to be followed, didn’t he?

With laboured breaths and fuzzy vision, he gripped the sofa tighter and tighter and swore he could've ripped it apart. He couldn’t tear his gaze away, no matter how hard he wanted to, and oh, he was desperate, like a vampire for fresh juice incarnadine.

Roses aren't the only things that are red, and that rhyme is just as pungent as that red adhesive.

Out. I want out, Will thought - just make it stop...

“Will? Will!?” James's voice was hardly calm, quivering all over the place.

Will blinked as his point of view was obstructed, refocusing his gaze on the shock of messy brown hair that greeted him.

His gaze then resettled to James's eyes, which promptly confused him. 

Was he looking at the ceiling? He could have sworn he was looking at the door.

“Can you hear me?”

Will hummed a drowsy yes, nodding a little, feeling woozy and light-headed, still confused on how his vision seemed to have left him.

“Focus on me.” James ordered, strictly toned now, and Will followed his orders, yet his head felt heavy and his limbs fluid. He blinked lazily, his hearing fading in and out, flashes of red tape barging into his thought track; with each one, he froze up again and whimpered.

He couldn't focus on James, no matter how hard he tried.

“Will, please…” James seemed desperate now - he wasn't the type to usually be. Will felt James's hands moving under neath him, and before he knew it, he was being carried back to bed, as stiff as a board.

Every now and then, he could hear the distant begs of "Please" from the other man, but by the time he hit the mattress, his consciousness slipped from him, and he could hear no longer. 

Will was unconscious.

He sort of just... fell onto the bed. He was trembling, more than usual, but not enough that he was having a seizure. But he was still shaking, James realised.

James's heart leapt to his throat, and he had to take a few steps back to realise what had happened.

Will was... unconscious on his bed; draped across it like a scrunched bedsheet, wince on his face, like an unnatural object in the room once warm and safe. It was a sight James hadn’t seen his whole-time being friends with Will, and sure was he terrified.

He approached carefully, his hands going to Will's shoulders and shaking him.

“Will...! Will! Can you hear me?” he demanded, raising his voice as he leant into each ear.

There was a little response: Will's eyebrows furrowed, and a frown grew on his face. 

“Please... please...” James muttered, shaking him again, pure panic now pumping through his veins, only to be diminished a little at the sight of Will re-gaining that consciousness. Yet after all that, he still managed to start crying, vision going blurry and magnified from his blobs of salty water trickling down his cheeks and into his beard.

Come back. Please. For God’s sake.

After the fifth shake or so, James didn't really count, Will let out a groan, and his eyes very slowly opened. James let go, but then immediately scooped Will into his arms and squeezed him so tight that Will's ribs would've broken at the smallest amount of more force. The feeling he was, well, feeling during that moment was purely indescribable; overcome with alexithymia, James cherished the fact he could once more hear and feel Will’s hot breath on his shoulder.

“Oh, Will!” he cried, gathering the man into his arms as much as he could, “I thought you were gone—" 

Will groaned softly, the large pressure feeling soothing on his fast-beating heart. What had happened? One moment he was in the living room, the next he was on James’s bed.

But after all that he still leant his weary head against James's shoulder and wrapped his arms around the man, patting his back at a slow tempo.

“Did I pass out?” he queried as he moved away, limbs creaking as if rusted. James nodded, wiping his eyes with the backs of his hands,

“Oh, you're cryin'... Jim—" Will exhaled, shock naturally displaying on his face with an agape mouth at the sight of James crying. James went red, and Will raised his eyebrows.

“No, I'm not!! Something in my eyes.” James shot him a grin, sniffling after wards as he resettled, crawling adjacent to the elder man and at once grasping onto Will's hand. 

“Why y' crying?” Will asked, raising an eyebrow even higher, “How long was I gone out for?”

Will knew that James wasn’t the type to absolutely bawl, but it was extremely visible to the eye that he had done so. That wasn’t normal. None of this was. Usually, a spiral wouldn’t be so intense, and James would usually know what to do, but this time… it was all different. And Will hated different.

James went red and rubbed the base of his neck as he laughed sheepishly:

“Only a minute at best.... I thought you were going to seize.” He confessed, “I had panicked, in all reality-…” he dismissed his craven thoughts with a nervous chuckle and an ambitious shake of his head.

Will frowned gently, inching closer again to James; his mind still frazzled after what had happened.

“Hey, lad,” he hummed, wrapping his hand around James’s, “It’s fine t’ panic. Shows how much y’ care.”

James’s frown was much larger and deeper than Will’s. Yet again was it unnatural to sit on his face, and regret washed over it immediately after.

“No, you don’t have to comfort me, I should be doing that to you.” he hissed, shaking his head, “God, I didn’t mean for this to twist onto me, I’m sorry, Will.”

His hand slipped from Will’s grasp, and was pressed against the other, immediately returning to the constant wringing he seemed to be doing more and more often.

“Just wanted t’ help y’.” Will remarked, yawning a little before then pulling the duvet back up and snuggling underneath it. The pillow beneath his head sank miserably from the weight yet he sighed absentmindedly in relief.

James stared at him, mildly confused,

“I was making you a meal-…” he whispered, “Do you want it or...?”

Will looked up at the younger sitting on the edge of the bed sleepily, and with a dozy few blinks, he hummed a polite no. James shrugged a little and stood up, walking out of the room and swiftly returning with the faint smell of bacon following.

But Will was far too exhausted. Mentally and physically; he sighed, staring at the textured ceiling above him, dissociating. James was watching at he did, munching into his bacon.

“You know… Are there any signs before you see… it?” he asked.

James’s use of euphemisms weren’t always the explicitly best but Will actually understood this one. He gulped and shook his head briefly.

“None, lad. Hits me before I even know it. I can’t even… I don’t know how I can prevent it in the future…” he looked down at his hands and scrunched up the fabric of the duvet.

He cast his gaze to the open window with its curtains fluttering in the breeze,

“I mean… y’ said… y’ said y’ were goin’ on tour this year, yeah…” his expression grew sour, “How am I supposed t’ be there for y’ if I can’t- If I can’t—”

Will choked a little on his gasp for breath and he tightened his grip onto the fabric tenfold, visibly anguished. James hurriedly placed his fork back down on the plate, then the plate to the floor, before moving towards Will.

“Listen, Will,” he clenched onto Will’s hand with a tight squeeze, “Listen to me.”

Will wasn’t so used to seeing the things that had occurred over the last… what… fifteen minutes? Not only did Will not know the time, he didn’t know how to process everything that had happened within that period of time. James’s tone was strict – he was taking it seriously. Of course he would…

“It doesn’t matter if you can’t make it or not.” James said,

“But, Jim…” Will muttered, pulling the duvet up further his chest,

“Will!” James snapped, squeezing Will’s hand once again, shaking his head afterwards with some sort of guilt strangled regret,

“I’m sorry, didn’t mean to snap.” He confessed, “I just want you to be the safest that you can be, and if that’s not being able to see me live then so be it.”

Will frowned, tore his hand away from James’s, and then turned away.

“Enough.” he spat sourly, “Go t’ bed.”

James sighed, moved off the bed to collect the plate, his steps gentle and soft upon the carpet, as if he was trying not to disturb the man.

Will grunted, curling the duvet over himself and wrapping himself in its cool and soft embrace as he began to drift off again. James didn’t return for a while, and when he did, he didn’t wrap his arms around Will and hold him close like he usually would. He inched to other side of the bed and fell asleep.

But, when they woke, or when Will woke, his arms were around James.

“Finally awake, hm? It’s eleven.” came a hum. Will hummed back an insult as he twisted and stretched, still cautious of his leg. James wrapped his arm around Will’s shoulder and pulled him in close.

“How’d you sleep?” James enquired.

Will grunted, not really all fussed in proper verbal communication; he buried his face into the crook of James’s neck and let out a deep sigh. He felt James’s hands in his hair ruffling it the next few moments,

“Okay, okay, still sleepy then.” James murmured, chuckling softly afterwards. He was watching something on his phone, Will realised as he shifted until he was comfortable within the other man’s grasp, too focusing on what James was watching on his phone.

Will wasn’t the man to not talk. This time, however, talking seemed to be the last thing he wanted to do and to stay awake was another. But still he persisted, watching as James flicked through his direct messages and pages on social media; Will didn’t realise he was dissociating again when he suddenly blinked, and James’s phone was beside the man, and he was being awkwardly cuddled.

“Jim…” he groaned, breaking his undecided act of silence, “Naff off will y’…”

Will wriggled within James’s grasp, groaning and complaining about what had happened the previous night. Only when he started to complain, did James let him go. His arms hit the bed with a satisfactory plop, followed by a sigh that meant ‘I’m getting up now’. Yet, he didn’t, and James’s hold on Will only increased.

“Are you still mad?” James asked, his voice light, as if he was approaching the topic carefully to not set Will off like a rogue land mine.

Mad wouldn’t be the exact word that Will would assign to his feelings at that moment. He supposed he was a little annoyed.

“Not mad. Annoyed.” he replied monotonous.

“Oh. Right…” James rested his cheek on Will’s head, “I’m sorry if I angered you. I was just still a little twitchy and worried for you.”

Will hummed, turning away and out of James’s arms.

“’s okay.” he responded dryly before picking himself up to his feet and walking to the bathroom.

“I’m showerin’.” he added as he flicked on the light outside the door.

“Will.” James called just as Will’s foot crossed the threshold and onto the cold tile. Will looked back.

“mm?”

“Talk to me. I know you’re upset.”

Will huffed and turned away once more, stomping almost across the threshold, and slamming the bathroom door shut, relaxing against the door and sighing.

“Idiot.” he muttered as he sank to the floor.

“Will, please,” there was a light tap on the door.

James’s fingers ghosted around the door handle tentatively with great caution. He leant his ear against the wooden door and listened intensively to hear if Will was hyperventilating or some other wild thing. He pushed the handle down hearing that there was nothing of the sort.

“Oi, I’m by the door.” Will snapped, scooting away before scrambling to his feet. He sighed, tugging down on his shirt as the door swung open. James stood there, his hand still on the door handle.

“Don’t try to avoid this—” James started, staggering inside.

“I said it’s alright, for fuck’s sake, James!” Will shouted, shaking his head immediately after,

“Look,” he muttered, crossing his arm and bouncing on his heels, “Y’ know… Y’ know that I don’t go t’ many shows and that. Just let me do this.”

“I don’t want you to be harmed—” James started once again,

“I just want t’ be there for you!” Will spat, tipping onto his tip toes so he was all ‘up close and personal’ with the other man.

“And I feel that you’re not ready! It’s been almost a month since you’ve done… it, and you’ve had… what, eight spirals? That’s two a week now, Will.” James reasoned, his hands clasping onto Will’s shoulders and pushing him back down to his original height. Will huffed, his waves blowing upwards as he did so.

He placed his hands on his hips and looked down,

“I can’t help it, Jim. No matter how hard I try.” Will voiced, bouncing on his heels again. He risked a glance at James’s face, only to be met with a sorrow struck expression and those hazel eyes built for longing.

“I know.” James breathed.

“I’m sorry, Jim.” Will exhaled.

The tension deflated immediately. James nodded ever so subtly, and he stepped back, nodding again, fully this time. He almost seemed satisfied. Will looked down awkwardly at his socked feet before then gasping as he was hugged for probably fiftieth time that morning.

“Ah- Jim, I need t’ shower.”

“I’m here.”

*

Will wandered into the main studio part of his workplace, backpack hanging from one shoulder, headphone dangling around his neck and phone in hand. Mikey patted him on the back triumphantly almost, grinning from ear to ear.

“Hello, mate, long time no see.” Mikey grinned, his mischievous expression causing Will to chuckle himself.

“It’s only been a week, lad.”

“Where’s your other half?” he teased, poking at Will’s arm as Will shedded off his backpack, coat and headphones and placed them onto his desk. Will sighed,

“He’s in Europe. ‘N stop sayin’ that. He’s just good old Jim.”

Good old Jim, thought Will as he sat down at the desk, his hands falling naturally on top of the keyboard; the plastic waiting impatiently to be typed upon.

“So… What’re we doing today?” Will asked, relaxing back into the chair and looking back up at Mikey, who stared down blankly at him.

He pondered in thought animatically, clasping onto his chin with a hand,

“Well,” he voiced, “Basically all the videos are ready to go. It’s just like last time really. Just needs to be edited.” The ginger man shrugged and smiled, looking down at the monitor.

Will looked somewhat dissatisfied, and he sighed, reaching into his pocket for his phone.

James | last online: 10:32

“Miss him?” Mikey taunted.

“Fuck off.” Will muttered, placing his phone screen down onto the table.

He did, and he was petty for it; James hadn’t even been gone for a day or so and Will was already having sappy thoughts.

In his time in the office, he found himself often looking at their direct messages.

Bloody boring over here, Will sent. He twiddled a pen in his other hand, staring absentmindedly at the white wall in front of him. He looked back down at his phone.

No response. Maybe James was out for lunch with the band; he shouldn’t disturb.

Will was about to turn off his phone when he felt it vibrate within his hand.

Shame, James had responded. Will looked down and scoffed, pushing his chair back and placing the pen down onto the tabletop.

“Bloody cheek.” he cursed under his breath, kicking his feet onto the table and holding his phone close.

Cheek! Will couldn’t help but smile as he tapped the enter button. James replied with a smirk emoji.

Will heard approaching footsteps and glanced up; it was Mikey, holding two takeaway boxes in his hands.

“Honestly, mate, you should actually learn how to cook for once.” he said, manoeuvring around the table and towards Will, seeing a flash of Will’s phone as he placed one of the boxes in front of him.

A wide grin crossed his face,

“Ah, what’re you talking about to him then?” he quipped, placing the other box down beside Will’s and sitting down. He opened his meal and started to eagerly dig in.

“Nothin’.” Will said, closing his phone and looking down at his meal.

It looked utterly delicious, and Will felt his mouth watering just at the smell of it. His phone buzzed a few times, snapping him out of his odd trance; the device was in his hands before he knew it.

What’re you doing rn?

Don’t forget to give the cat wet food when you get back

Xx

Will simply hummed, swiping left on the first message:

Just eating lunch with Mikey

He’s being a prick

“Oi! Don’t call me a prick!” Mikey yelped, leaning forwards, staring directly at Will’s messages. Will jumped and looked beside him,

“Don’t be such a nosy twat!” he snapped, pulling his phone away from Mikey, pulling up the hood on his hoodie afterwards and smiling softly when he looked back down at the screen.

Good old Mikey then. Anything else that doesn’t involve him? How’s the vids?

Will smiled to himself even more, eagerly typing, forgetting about the meal on the table.

Everything’s all good tbh, didn’t really need to come in. Btw how do you stop the cat from waking you up at 4am? I am losing sleep, Jim

You just have to deal with it mate. Maybe you’re annoying him by sleeping like a starfish.

Rude

Only the truth

“Oi, aren’t you eating or what?” Mikey said, and Will glanced at his practically untouched meal. He smiled and looked over back at Mikey,

“Nah. Bit busy right now. I’ll have it later.”