Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

People say he's a hopeless romantic. And they are right. He believes in love, and the perfect match, that somewhere out there there's someone that was born to meet him. His soulmate. Yes, someone who will think like him, and will want the same as he does, date, marry, have kids, and grow old in a comfy house with cats. 

He thought he had found it when he met Mel. They were so alike, and he loved her so much, but it didn't work. He can understand sometimes it doesn't work. That's because she was a good match, but not his soulmate. It's fine, the only problem is that he's getting old.  He's thirty now, he was sure that he would have found them by this time. 

That's why he decided to take drastic measures. Yes. He tried to avoid it, because he didn't believe love could be achieved through a machine, but hey, Cait and Vi met online, didn't they? Sure it was in an online game where they faced each other and were mostly arch enemies for half a year before confessing their love. But the point is if it worked for them, it can very well work for him too.

He's at work when he decides he has no time to lose anymore, he has to take action. In his break, he sits at a coffee shop nearby and opens his laptop, ready to start his search for the best dating app. 

“Good afternoon, Sr.”

He moves his eyes from the laptop to the man standing in front of the little table. The place is mostly empty, he has come here other times and enjoyed the quietness, and also the service. But he hasn't seen this man before. 

He has light brown eyes, no, wait, as he moves his head staring curiously at him the light of the windows makes his eyes shine golden. It's hazel, like his.  He has a pretty face, imponent, prominent cheeks, and fine lips.

“Did you hear me, Sr.?”

Oh. He comes to his senses. “Yes, I'm sorry, good afternoon.”

“Would you like to order, Sr.?

He nods. Hum, his tone is different, he's not cheerful as the other attendants, and he's very formal. “I would like a piece of the day’s pie and a coffee, please.” 

The man nods, making his hair bun shake. He has brown hair and is using headphones. Jayce is not sure if he's listening to some music while he takes orders. But he wonders what kind of music it would be. He has a long body, very thin, arms traced by tattoos of what looks like a series of zeros and ones.

It's only when the man is gone, not without politely nodding and saying ‘As soon as it is ready I will bring it to you, Sr.’, that his mind realizes it's binary code. Huh. 

He goes back to his laptop. He tips “the best dating apps” and the Ogglee comes up with many options.

There's Finder, Grwww, LoveBug, but there's this one that grabs his attention. Matchinery: let the elements connect you to your mate.

Its very different from the others. He guesses it's what they call thematic? He clicks on it. 

Love is an ancient feeling.

And to find a mate requires the perfect

balanced combination of fundamental elements.

Join the craft, and create the essentials to connect your mate. 

Huh. He is captivated by it. He doesn't know why. But he can't just trust it, can he? He opens another tab, and searches: “is Matchinery secure?”

Ogglee says: Yes, Matchinery is a site created by Hexsoft Corporation using intuitive generative AI, which helps people find relationships based on database combination. It's considered one of the most safe services offered, for using cryptography to protect its customers. 

Okay. He searches more: “how Matchinery works?”

Matchery is a dating application site that uses intuitive generative AI to create matches between people. Research has proven that its matches have the best compatibility. Customers that found partners through it have stated that its precision is unprecedented.

He searches: “proof that Matchinery works”.

And he finds many reports of people saying how they found their perfect half through this app. In different ages and genders.

It gives him hope. He downloads the app and installs. It runs fast, and the little icon with a cursive golden M shines to him. He clicks on it and the screen glows as the app starts. And then elements start to show  one by one.

Fire. The screen gets a crisp orange color. With the image of a flame. 

Air. The flame is put down by a breeze. The orange color vanishes, turning into white. 

Water, drops fall down in the screen, translucent. 

Earth, the drops find soil, and something starts to grow. A tree with the shape of two bodies holding each other. It's so pretty he gets dazed for a moment. He wants that, that embrace. More than anything. And it looked very much like they were just one thing. Linked perpetually?

“Sr.?”

He moves his eyes and meets the hazel eyes. For a moment he just stares. They stay like this, till the man's eyes fall on the laptop. His serene expression changes immediately. It is like pushing a button. He seems… mad?

“Oh.” The man says and he seems agitated, looking anywhere but Jayce. He realizes he brought his order, he holds the round tray in his hands. As Jayce stares at it, the man seems to get conscious and starts to put the order on the table. His long fingers shake as he finishes putting the coffee cup on the wood table. 

Then without prompting he just leaves. And it's just now Jayce realizes he limps when he walks. 

He stares back at the laptop. Does that man hate date apps? Or is it that he thought ridiculous Jayce was using it? He feels his face burn and suddenly stupid. Who does he think he's? But then he thinks about the expression on the man's face. It didn't look like he was mocking him. He seemed troubled, like something was wrong. 

He wishes to know what it is. And if he's fine. 

In the site there's a long form with very specific questions that go from what was your favorite toy when a kid to what is your dressing style.

He starts to fill it while he sips his coffee and chews on the pie. He hums. It's a really good pie. Its filling is apple. And he smiles as he fills his information. It seems to cover pretty much everything, including beliefs and politics. There's some asking about appearance. And he puts basic information, like his weight and height, and the color of his skin. 

When he has to describe the ideal partner appearance, he writes he doesn't have any specific preference. And when it's about gender, there's the option of selection.  He marks the ‘all above’ option.

And when he sends it,  the screen starts to glow again, and it's like it's moving, bright colors merging. Then the texture seems like soil and there's the message: your element is earth. 

Oh. He thought he would be able to choose it, but also he feels kind of dumbfounded because this is exactly the element he wanted. 

Then the soil becomes the background of his prolife. It's so cool. He sees that there's the option of uploading a photo. He doesn't. Well, it's because people always hit on him based on his appearance. And he hates it. Let's see who wants me just because of my soul. He thinks and finishes. 

He drinks the last of his coffee. The pie is already gone. He cleans his lips with a napkin before staring at the countertop, trying to catch the eyes of one other attendant. A young woman with blue hair gets it. And he smiles. “The bill, please.”

He starts to get ready to leave, his lunch time has been over for ten minutes already, but today is an easy day, he has no task for most of the day. If all goes like this, he will be able to go home early. 

“Hello, Sr. There's anything else I could help you with?”

Eh? This voice. He stares at the man, he's back. Huh. His eyes seem a bit red. He's not really staring at him, he's staring at his hands. Did he cry? Because of the app? It's so odd. 

“No, I’m satisfied.”

The Man nods. “The total of your expenses is 20 dollars, Sr. How would you like to pay?”

“Debit.”

The long hands move, the numbers a contrast in the pale skin, they get inside the pocket in the front of his beige apron. He takes the little machine and tips. Then he turns the machine to him. And he forgot he had to take his phone. 

He takes his phone out of his pocket, and gets its back close to the machine, he feels very nervous somehow, his hands shake as does the man's. There's a ping sound and  then the little machine prints the receipt.

He waits and the man hands the receipt to him.

“That’s it. Come back again, Sr.” The Man says, and Jayce waits for him to leave, but he doesn't. He keeps staring down. The machine is still in his hands. 

“There’s something wrong?”

“I… I apologize for my behavior early. It was unprofessional.”

Eh? He wouldn't call that unprofessional. It was confusing, sure. He smiles. Eyes moving through the man's silhouette. He lands on the name on his tag.  

“It's okay. Viktor. Here.” He  takes his wallet and opens, taking a note of ten out. “It's a tip for your good service.”

He puts it on the table, and slides it forward. Viktor's head moves now, and stares at him. His eyes catching the light of the sun again. Shining gold. 

“Thank you. Sr.” And there's more, there's a little faint smile. 

He takes his things and walks out under the sun that can't compete with the smile of a man at all. How odd. 

Chapter Text

He gets a notification the same day at night, but he just sees it on his email in the morning. He reads it while he's in the subway. 

Matchinery Successfully

Deep greetings, Jayce.

In the far lengths of the realm of possibilities, your elements meet another's, merging and connecting. And that's how you materialize your mate. 

Your matchinery was successful. Click here to meet them. 

Oh. He can't believe it. He got it. He found his mate. And fastly. He blinks at the screen of his phone. His heart is beating fast, his face burns. Finally! He clicks on the link and as he forgot to download the app on his phone, he does now and has to wait a bit. But it doesn't matter. He found it. He will have a partner. Many questions fluctuate in his mind. How are they? Do they work in something they love? Are they kind? Happy? Do they like sweets or bitter tastes? 

He wants to know everything. The app opens and he logs in. The screen glows showing water and earth meeting. Eh? It's curious. The drops fall in the soil and a little plant grows, not that tree with the lover's shape. No. But it's cute. There's even a flower blossoming. 

Your matchinery partner is GiveMeHeart50. 

He feels a trilling feeling as he clicks. That's it, this could be his soulmate. 

It's a she. Same age as him. 30. And her element is water, of course. There's a pic. She's white, brown hair. Soft face. Her profile is simple, says: city girl, burger enthusiastic, crazy about music, fangirl as a way of life. But working without stopping on my doctorate. Just like any other woman trying to have it all, and still meet the prince charming in the way.

She seems funny, smart and cute. He clicks in the little chat and sends: Hello. Seems like we match. How are you?

He can see for the green spot at the side of her name that she's online. The dots start to dance and he smiles. 

“Hi. I'm cool. What about you? Yes, we did match. Are you free today?”

Today? He thought they would talk for a while before meeting. But why wait? Yes. He can't wait anymore. 

“Oh, I'm happy you're fine. I'm great. Yes, I'm free today.”

“Would you like to meet?”

Yes. 

“Yes, I would love to.”

“Great. Where could we meet?”

Where thought? It's better if it's a safe place, with people around. You never know with the internet. There's only one place that comes to his mind, as it does he thinks about a smile that rivals the sun. Such an odd man. He smirks. Seems like the perfect place.

“Do you know the coffee shop near the subway on Second Avenue?”

She does and accepts to meet him there. They will meet after work. He was hoping they would talk more, but it seems like she's busy with work. So he spends most of the day waiting for it, imagining how it will be. He imagines she's nice, and also fierce. He likes people with strong minds and personalities, but who are also very kind. 

When it's time he leaves work feeling very anxious. He freshened up before leaving and got to the coffee a bit earlier than planned. He finds the same table he sat the last time free and goes there. He sits, his heart beating fast. He watches through the windows as the sun is dying, searching for any signal of his possible mate. 

“Good evening, Sr.” 

Oh, it's curious how this voice makes him smile. He turns and Viktor stares at him. 

“You came back.” He says and he nods. Yes, he did. “What would you like to order, Sr.?”

“Oh, actually I'm waiting for someone. So I will hold up a bit. And you can call me Jayce.”

The man nods, his hair today is tied in a little ponytail. “I'm afraid I can't, Sr. It would be impolite to treat you in an informal way.”

Huh. “Is that so? I think it's more impolite to not use someone's name when they asked you to.”

He sees as the hazel eyes get big. “Oh, I see. Huh. Let me know when you want to order… Jayce.”

It makes him smile, and for his trouble Viktor smiles back, it's still a little smile, but it's really impressive.

And he's gone, limping again. And Jayce gets a bit disappointed for some reason. He shakes his head and stares at his phone, taking a look at the time. Soon she will be here. 

Except she's not. The time they agreed passes by and nothing. Maybe shes a little later? He makes a signal to Viktor at the countertop and the thin man walks back to him. Jayce smiles again. “Can I have some coffee, please?” 

Viktor nods, nervously playing with his hands. The delicate lines of numbers contour his arms from the pulse to the forearms disappearing under his shirt, does it reach his shoulders? “Are you alright, Sr., I mean, Jayce?” 

“Yes, of course.” 

The man makes a face. “Huh, you didn't look much fine some minutes ago.”

Oh.

“No, I'm just a bit nervous. It's my first date with this person, and she's later.”

Viktor stares attentively at him. “You are waiting for a date. I see. Would it be acceptable if I ask you something, Sr-Jayce?”

Jayce laughs. And Viktor gives him a half little smile. That's how an eclipse is made, is it not? “I’m still getting used to it, you see.”

He nods. “You can ask, if it's not acceptable I will tell you.”

The eyes get more attentive. He seems serious. “Did you meet this person through Matchinery? Was it a match of sorts?”

Ah. He is not sure what he was expecting, but it wasn't it. His face gets warm.

“Yes, she is my match. I still can't believe it's happening.”

Viktor nods. “What is your element? If it's not inappropriate to ask.” 

He seems to know about the workings of the app. Is he not feeling mad about it anymore? Yesterday he looked really troubled. 

“I got earth.” 

“Earth. Oh. This is a great element, can match with all the others, and it allows any of the others to grow properly.” 

Eh? He didn't know that. “What is her element? If you don't mind sharing a bit more.”

He doesn't mind, in fact he's enjoying it, talking with him. “Water. She seems to be nice.” Well, he hopes she's.

Viktor's face changes a bit. As he is not very expressive, Jayce finds it curious. “Oh. Water and earth. It's the second best combination for your element.”

The second best? He thought it was the best combination.  Huh. 

“You seem to know a lot about this. Have you used this app too?” Is he trying to find a partner like him? 

And now Viktor looks at him kind of dumbfounded, actually it's like what Jayce just said seems absurd to him. 

Then he smiles softly. The morning sun is back. “No. That would be impossible for me.” He says.

What does he mean? Impossible? He's about to ask when they hear Viktor's name being called. 

They stare at the countertop and the girl with blue hair is there. She seems nervous. “Viktor, we need your help for a moment.”

Viktor nods then turns to him. “I will be right back with your coffee.”

And it bothers him again. He wonders what he meant. How could it be impossible for any person to use a dating app? For a moment he almost forgets he was waiting on someone. He stares at his phone. Where is she? Is it possible that something happened? He hopes she's fine and is starting to regret not giving her his number. They say you shouldn't share personal information through these sites. She also didn't give hers.

Viktor comes back with the coffee and they smile at each other. “Thank you.” He says and sips it. 

Once Viktor is gone again, he gets in the app and goes to the chat. 

“Hey, it's me. I'm already here. Are you alright?” He sends and waits, but it seems she's offline. He goes to her profile, hoping maybe there's some information there that could help him reach her. There isn't. But he realizes you can see when a person has a match on her profile. He hasn't seen it before. 

It shows under the profile picture, right before the description.

GiveMeHeart50 is matchinering HopelessGuy8610.

What would be really cute if there wasn't another line under it. 

GiveMeHeart50 is matchinering YourGuyRightHere02. 

He didn't know people could match more than one person. He clicks on YourGuy and goes to his profile. A pic of a white ripped guy meets him. 

There isn't much information besides the pic. His description says: A man needs to know what he wants.

Huh. For some reason it gives him a bad feeling. He sips more of his coffee and closes the phone, staring through the windows again. It's getting dark. Did she choose to meet him instead? No. Sure not. Something must have happened. Yes. He sips and sips and soon the cup is empty and he stares at it. 

“Would you like more coffee?”

He smiles, can't help it. “Yes, and I think I will get something to eat too.”

“Really? What about your date? Won't she be coming anymore?”

“I don't know. It's almost an hour now. Maybe something happened. I just hope she's fine and…”

His phone pings. He's filled with hope that it will be her, but it's just a notification from Matchinery asking him to indicate the app to friends. 

“What's wrong?”

He gets back in the app, there's no response. He goes to her profile again. “I didn't know people could match with more than one person.” He says and meets the eyes that are staring concerned at him. 

“Well, If people can fall in love with more than one person, this is only natural.”  Viktor says. 

Ah. It's true. There's polyamorous people out there. But he feels bad anyway. 

“Noted. She matched with another person. I think…” He knows he shouldn't say that, because he has no proof, but yet. “I think she chose to meet him instead of me. Was it because of the pic?”

And Viktor blinks at him. “What picture?”

“He has a pic. And I haven't. I mean I didn't put it on because I wanted people to pick me not for my appearance. But now I'm thinking that maybe I should have.” He stares down at his phone, and gets in YourGuy’s profile again. “Because sure she would have chosen me, I'm way prettier than him.” He says and regrets it. Why didn't she choose me? 

He feels stupid saying it. “I'm sorry, I'm being stupid. I shouldn't have said that. She probably has some excuse.” Yes. But he doesn't even know her. A little voice in his head says it's happening again, again he's not chosen. Like with Mel. She is not Mel!

“Hum…” Viktor says and Jayce realizes he's getting close. He takes a look at his phone and says. “No, I think you are right. You are prettier than him. He's not even beautiful, but you are gorgeous.” The way he says it, it doesn't sound like objectification, it sounds like an honest compliment. Like contemplation. The way people talk about nature's beauty. He feels his cheeks burn.

“Than… thanks.”

Viktor nods, stepping back. “I also think your deduction is logical. There's a big chance she is not here because she is with him.” He says. “It's hard to tell what categories someone will use to choose their partners.”

Oh. So he wasn't out of it. “You think so?” 

“It's very plausible.”

And Jayce feels bad again. He was hoping he was mistaking it. He thought he had got it. A partner, a mate. 

“Would you like a piece of pie?”

Eh?

He stares back at him. He smiles softly. The sun shining at him. “My mother always said that food can put almost any bad feeling away. And it would be my treat.”

Oh. He smiles back, a warm feeling growing on him. “Your treat? And is that allowed?” He says playfully.

And Viktor gets serious. “Of course it would be discounted from my payment.”

Of course. He almost laughs. Seems like he takes everything literally. “I see. I will accept it if you eat with me.”

And now Viktor seems surprised. “That wouldn't be acceptable, I'm afraid.”

“Why not? Sure you have some breaks, and aren't you allowed to eat with a friend on your breaks?”

“A friend?”

He nods vehemently. “Yes, we are becoming friends, are we not?”

He seems as he gets it. “Oh. Yes, that's true. But... but unfortunately I already took my break.” He seems put down. 

Oh. “Well, there's no helping it, right? We just have to make sure you use your break with me next time.” He says and loves to see how his words change that face. And now Viktor gives him a full smile. See. It's night, but it feels like he's under the sun. 

He gets the pie, it's the same kind of yesterday, but for some reason it tastes better. It's warm and sweet, melting in his mouth. As he eats he watches Viktor cleaning the countertop glass. He seems to be putting his full attention to it. Such a dutiful odd man.

He finishes his pie and doesn't take anymore coffee, because he needs to be able to sleep. He cleans his mouth, takes the plate with the little fork and walks there. As he approaches the other man looks at him. He seems disappointed?

“Oh, you are leaving.”

“Yes, I have an early morning.” He says as he puts the plate on the countertop.

“I see. You didn't need to bring it here, I should do it.”

“It’s fine.” He smiles. “I would like the bill?”

And Viktor shakes his head. “Oh, no, it's on me. Don't worry about it.”

He nods. “Okay, next time it will be on me then. Thank you.” He needs to go, get the subway before it's too late, but he can't find himself in any hurry at all. 

“You can dissolve it.” Viktor says suddenly.

“What?”

“The match. You can dissolve it.”

Oh, he didn't know it was possible. “No one needs to stay with someone they don't want to.”

He breathes deep. He feels relieved somehow. “How do I do it?”

“In the setup menu. You will find the option to dissolve matches.”

Okay. “How is it you know so much about this app?” He said he never used it. Well, he said it was impossible. Why? Jayce has no idea.

And Viktor seems sad. Oh, no. 

“That's because I'm its creator.”

Jayce blinks at him. He created it? He opens his mouth to ask if he's serious and someone is calling him again. 

“I need to…”

He knows and nods. He will ask next time.

And Viktor gives that faint smile again. The light is returning again.“I hope the next match works better.”

He's such a kind person. He can't help but smile back. “Thank you. See you around then.”

Viktor goes and Jayce turns. He gets out, taking his way home. He reflects about it in the subway. About dissolving things. Should he? Or should he be patient and wait to find out what happened. Maybe she does have an excuse. He needs to be mature, things do not always go as we want. She's still his match. 

He's getting ready to sleep when his phone pings. He opens it and it's an email from Matchinery that says: Match Dissolved.

What? He opens it.

We are really sorry, Jayce.

Sometimes the elements don't work properly together, sometimes they react, and change in unpredictable ways. And it's wise to know when to part. Your match didn't work this time, but sure another one is coming through. Keep working on your kraft.

Your Matchinering with GiveMeHeart50 was dissolved from the other part. 

She dissolved it. She rejected him without even trying. He gets in the app and the screen shows the little plant dying and becoming part of the soil. It's sad, but then grass starts to grow.

Oh. While the grass is growing and becoming his background, he ponders that it's okay if she doesn't want him. But why didn't she send him a text saying she wouldn't make it? Why let him wait there? It seems almost mean. He guesses she didn't mean to hurt him, but she was very unconsiderated. 

He takes a look at her profile. She's still matched to the other guy. 

So he wasn't wrong at all. 

It's very plausible.

And he smiles. He knows he should feel bad and sad, but he doesn't. No, in fact his mind doesn't even give much thought to it anymore. No, because it's filled with smiles that feel like the light of the sun. He guesses that it is not just food that is able to put bad feelings away, sometimes an odd man who works in a coffee shop has the same powers. 

Chapter Text

For the next few days nothing happens. He hasn't any matches and also no free time at all, even his breaks he spends working. Well, he eats while he tips and sends emails, asking for last minute corrections. That's what happens when you work in a publishing house. After the lunch of a project there's some lazy days, but soon there are new luncheons, new books that need to be released. Yes. People must read and they work hard to make it worth it.

He doesn't go to the coffee shop for the whole week and misses the pie. Okay, he knows it's not the pie he misses. And he really plans on them sharing a meal together. He's very curious about Viktor, he wants to know more about him. He said he created the app, but seemed devastated by it, he is almost afraid of asking. But they can talk about other matters for sure. Like things they both enjoy and their daily problems. The normal things friends talk about. 

Speaking about friends, he got some text from Vi and they decided to meet up on the weekend, since both need a break from work. They need to chill out and drink a bit. 

When Saturday arrives, she and Cait meet him in the same bar they are used to. It's not as crowded as other places. No actually it's a very manly bar that has low movement on the weekends for some reason. They have been here on a workday and it was terrible. It looks like most of the men like to drink when they have to work on the other day. Not him, he doesn't even like to drink.

They get a table in a corner and the perfect annoying couple sits on one side and he on the other. He loves them, but most of the time he feels like a third wheel. Today is not much different. 

Vi has one of her arms around Cait’s waist as she says: I can't believe she gosthed you like that, man.

“We weren't actually dating.” He justifies, and plays with his beer bottle. Tips of the fingers getting cold.

“You certainly were.” Cait says with certainty. 

And Vi nods, taking a sip from her beer, the foam covers her lips and she tries to clean it with her tongue. “By the underworld rules and online dating culture, it was pretty serious. The minimum she could do was say she was not interested. Is it hard to do? Like sending a little text?”

Cait nods as she cleans the remains of the foam in Vi’s lips with a napkin. “Why would she ask you to meet her when she didn't plan to show up? And why not have the decency to cancel it?”

He also doesn't know. He takes a sip and Vi lifts her big cup. “Dry it!” She says and he drinks the whole thing. The bitter taste going down his throat. “To forgetting bitches!” Vi cheers. And Cait takes her bottle of beer too. They unite their bottles and cup clashing and making the glass bumping.

And then Cait turns to Vi. “Exactly what bitch are you trying to forget?” 

“Well, all of them. I mean people who treat people like trash.”

“So it's not some woman you knew?”

“You think I know other women? How cute.”

And there they go. He ignores them, wondering if he should order one more bottle and his phone pings. He takes it and it's an email from Matchinery.

Matchinery Successfully 

Deep greetings, Jayce.

In the far lengths of the realm of possibilities, your elements meet another's, merging and connecting. And that's how you materialize your mate. 

Your matchinery was successful. Click here to meet them. 

Oh. It's happening again.

“Guys?”

“Hummm…”

They are kissing shamelessly. 

“Guys?”

They pull away. Caitlyn’s lipstick is all around Vi’s lips. “Oops, my bad.” Vi says and Cait starts to clean her lips again with another napkin. They stare at him, cheeks pink. They seem so happy together. 

“I got another match.”

“That's good news, Jayce.” Cait says. 

“But what if it's another bitch… aee.” Cait embowls her and she makes a regretful face. “Sorry, man. Let's hope this is the one.”

He nods, feeling very nervous. He bends a bit over the table and they get close to stare at his phone. He clicks on the link and the screen glows, they see green grass and for a moment it looks like nothing is happening, but then the grass moves slowly, like dancing in the wind. It's like a soft breeze. 

Oh. 

“It's cute.” Vi says. “A lot of people talk about it but I never saw it.”

“It makes me happy to hear it.” Cait says. 

“Well, I don't need any dating app cause I already found all that I need.”

He ignores them again. Even though he finds it lovely. 

Your machinery partner is InfiniteLife74.

He stares at it. He has a new possible soulmate. 

“What are you waiting for? Click on it.”

He does and enters the profile.

It's a them. 26 years old. A bit younger for his taste. And there's also a pic. Except it seems like they are using a costume on it. 

“Oh, they colsplayer.” Vi says.

“I love Zelda.”

“Me too. So nostalgic.”

Well, he knows Zelda. But he would never consider it to be a proper picture. 

There isn't much information. Just one phrase. 

“I’m at apprentice level but my heart is up in the 100 level.” 

What does this mean?

He stares at them. “They are sensible.” Cait says. 

Eh?

“You see, they can't protect their own heart.” Vi says. 

Oh. 

“Will you meet them?”

Well, he has to at least try it. He nods. 

He gets home in a cab, it's too late for the subway. He left Cat and Vi at their place, he knows they are strong women but the world is the world. 

He did not send any message, but he will in the morning. He gets in bed and stares one last time at the profile. Huh. It's natural to not feel anything because it's just a pic in which he can't really make out the person’s face properly. 

But he should feel animated. Right? He tries to cheer up. It will be nice. Yes. Also there's always pie. Even though he prefers a smile instead. 

On Sunday he sends a text but it's only on Monday that he gets an answer. 

“Hello. Seems like we match. How are you?”

“Yeah! We matched, I can't believe it, I have been waiting for almost a year.”

Oh. He didn't know the app could take too long to make a match. They seem very animated and it's kind of contagious. Maybe it will really work this time. The problem though is that InfiniteLife74 never answers right away. They take hours or even a whole day. So it takes half a week with just the first greetings. And Jayce is getting disappointed. 

He sends:

“Are you free tomorrow? Would you like to meet me?”

And half a day later he gets the answer. “Yes!! Yes, I do! I'm sorry for not being very talkative these days, I was in a deathmatch.”

Deathmatch? He will ask Vi later. 

“Do you know the coffee shop near the subway on Second Avenue?” 

They didn't know it, but they agree to meet there tomorrow, and he already feels better. He gets this content feeling all day long. 

The next day he works feeling a bit elated. He smiles as he tips, sending some emails. They should have apple pie. He hopes Viktor is there today too, but unfortunately they probably will not be able to share a meal. A thought crosses his mind. He hopes InfiniteLife74 doesn't show up, so he can treat Viktor. What?

Is he so desperate to make a new friend? Seems like he's. Of course he wants to go to the date and for it to be great. 

He leaves work and gets to the coffee shop. There are people on his usual table. Two old ladies. He finds another table close to the windows and stares outside, will they really come?

“Hi, I'm Jinx, what can I getcha?” It's a playful kind of cheerful voice, not the formal one he's already getting used to. He stares at the girl with the blue hair, and she smiles at him. 

“Hi.” He says and they just stare at each other.

She tips her head, staring a bit impatiently, but still educated, notepad in hand. “So? Need some time before ordering?” 

“Oh, yes. I'm waiting for someone.”

She nods. “Kay, let me know if you need anything.” And she starts to turn.

“Wait!”

She stops. “Yeah?”

“Is Viktor here today?”

She seems surprised for a moment before smiling in a way he can only describe as conspiratory? Why the smug smile?

“Oh, he's not in the house today. Some personal stuff I don't know.” 

Oh. He nods. “Thank you.”

She hums. “He probably will be here tomorrow, just letting you know.” 

And she's gone. 

Of course he can't always be here. He has a life that goes beyond this coffee shop. A life Jayce knows nothing about. He should have asked for his phone number. Yes. Because what if quits his job, or something happens. What could happen? Many things. 

He feels down, he was hoping they would meet again, and also to hear what Viktor would say about his new match. Is Air a good match to Earth? He said his element can match all the others. He wonders what would be the best match? He also wonders, if Viktor used the app, like hypothetically, what element would he get? Would it be…

“Hopeless romantic?”

He realizes his username is kind of ridiculous when people call him by it. He stares at the person standing close to the table. They are gorgeous, like really, they look like a model or something. They have dark skin and their hair is very short and white. They have on clothes considered manly, but they are on high heels and have long pointy nails. 

“Infinite Life?”

They nod, a pretty smile spreading on their face. This is a person used to smiling. “I can't believe you really came, and that it's finally happening. Hum… can I sit?”

Oh. He stands. “Yes, of course, have a seat.”

They sit hanging their bag covered in colored pins in the back of the chair. And Jayce sits again.

They stare at each other and he doesn't know what to say. They seem to be nice. It's possible this will work. Yes. Maybe this is his soulmate.

“Hum… I'm so nervous. I’m Ekko, and I go by he/they. You can use both.” They say, a hand with long pointy nails holding his phone while the other is laying on the table. The nails are black. And there's one little jingle ranging in the pink finger. 

He nods. “I'm Jayce, I'm nervous too, but I'm glad to meet you.” He really is. “Would you like to eat something? They have a really good pie here.”

“Oh, I already ate.” They say, and his phone pings and he stares at it. “Sorry, just a moment.”

Jayce nods, and turns in the direction of the countertop catching Jinx’s eyes. She comes right away.

“Hi.” She greets. “I see you have company…” As her eyes land on Ekko, she stops talking. “Huh…” She stares back at him, seeming very helpless. She mouths “what the fuck”. And he holds up a laugh.

“I would like a cappuccino… Ekko? Would you like something to drink instead?”

“Ekko? EKKO! Oh, my, you are that gamer that was in that insane deathmatch this week!” 

And now Ekko stops staring at this phone and looks from Jayce to Jinx. Like they don't know who to answer first. 

“I would like a shake.” They say to Jayce and then to her. “Yes, I'm that Ekko, did you watch it? Do you follow my channel?”

She nods vehemently. “You betcha I do, I'm like your biggest fan.”

Jayce finds this interaction kind of curious. He seems as Ekko’s eyes shine and then it's like they realize something. “Wait, I think I know you too. You are the girl that is cleaning RE new generation. Yes! You are Jinx Boom!” 

Her face gets pink, but it's like her posture straight up, she seems proud. “We are mutuals?”

They both nod at each other, smiling deeply. So cute. “Thats so fucking cool, man.” 

“Yeah.”

Then Jinx seems to be back to herself. “Im sorry… I gonna bring your orders, be right back. Man, I can't believe it.”

As she goes, Ekko sighs and rests his forehead on the table. “Jinx Boom, no way.” They lift their head and stare at him. “Do you think it would be too weird to ask for a selfie?”

Jayce wonders about it. “Well, you are both fans of each other, I think she would be happy with it too.”

They smile, seeming satisfied with the answer. “Good, I gonna ask before leaving.” His phone pings again. “Oh, sorry, just a moment.”

The orders come and he sip at his coffee while they talk. They are really nice, yes, good natured. The problem is they talk most of the time about games and cons and fanart and some icons… its not like they are inattentive, or egocentric. No. Jayce understands they are talking about it because they love it. This is part of who they are. And it's cute, and precious. He thinks he would love to have a younger sibling like them. 

“I work in a publishing house. It's cool. Like, I love books. And I can get discounts and advanced copies.”

“Oh, I love books too.” They say. 

“Yes? What kind of books do you usually read?”

“Well, all kinds, horror, romance, drama, but I'm in a phase where all I read is pretty much fanfiction. Oh, man, did I become a bad reader?” They laugh. 

Fanfiction. He has read some fanfiction, but he doesn't like it much. But he knows there's nothing wrong with enjoying things you love. This is the fandom purpose, right? People are happy creating things about the characters and universes they love.

“Reading is reading and I know some fanfiction has turned into books.” He says and Ekko nods. 

“Some are way better than many books. Like really. Some are mind blowing. Then again some are really trash, but it's also like an exercise. People can get better with time.”

He hums. He hopes people get better with time. Is he getting better? He doesn't know. 

His phone pings again. “Sorry, just a moment. My page is blowing today. Seems like my last streaming game has gone viral…”

And they are gone into the digital world again. There's really a lot of difference between them. Are they able to overcome it? Guess they have to know more about each other.

“Would you like to meet another time this week?” He asks and now Ekko stares at him. 

“Yeah, totally. What day? I can't tomorrow, or the day after. Maybe Saturday?”

He nods. “I think I will be going for today, but we keep in touch and text about the weekend?”

“Kay.” 

He turns to the countertop and Jinx catches his eyes immediately. He makes a signal with his hand. And she nods. 

“What did you think about this place?” He asks, taking out his wallet.

“It's cool, a bit too slow, but I can see its charm.” 

He gives a little laugh. “Way to say I picked a boring place.”

“It’s not boring, it's just like… more for old people?” 

Ah. “Ouch, I’m not that old. I'm just four years older than you.”

“But you have the taste of an old dude.” 

They are quite right actually. And he laughs and then they are both laughing as Jinx gets to the table. 

“I see you are having it good?”

They clean their tears and nod to her. “I will pay in debit.” He says.

“Oh, you don't need to pay, I can pay for mine.”

He shakes his head. “It's my duty as an old man.”

And Ekko laughs again. “Fine, but I will pay next time.”

He gets down again, thinking about Viktor. 

While he pays, Ekko goes to the bathroom and he asks Jinx: is he alright?

And she seems to know exactly about who he's talking about.

“Hope so, he doesn't share much. But he's nice.”

“Yes.” 

He gets the receipt and gives her a tip in cash. And she smiles. 

When Ekko gets back they shake hands and he leaves while the two youngers take the selfie.

It's dark, the light of the day all gone. He walks slowly and gets in the subway. He sits and sighs. He didn't feel a thing for them, but he knows sometimes this takes a while. Not for him, for him it is always the fast way… though he's slow to get it. But it's not like there's clear signals to make it easy, right? It's not like in the books or movies where you keep bumping into the person, meeting them in unexpected places and…

He stands as he sees it, the man in a suit sitting at the end of the car. He walks there not believing it. He approaches him, standing in front of him. He looks good, and fine. Hair in a ponytail again, except some locks are loosened, falling on his face. He seems as the face lifts, the confusion and concern turning to acknowledgment then contentment. Eyes cracking as the rays of sun reach him.

“Jayce…”

There's many things he wants to talk and ask but he ends up saying: give me your phone.

And Viktor blinks before reaching on his pocket and taking the phone out. He holds it to him.

And Jayce almost laughs. “No, I mean your number.” Oh, god. He sits at his side, holding his briefcase, feeling a bit flustered. “I want to be able to reach you.”

“Oh.”

“Would you like it too?”

“Yes, to be able to be in touch, but I don't really enjoy getting calls.”

“Well, we can text, if it's fine.”

Viktor turns to him, smiling softly. Again it's night, but it doesn't feel like it. “It's. I enjoy texting, it's a better way of communication. I can express myself more properly.”

He smiles back. “Okay, so I gonna text you and you gonna text me.”

Viktor nods. 

They stay in silence for a while. Their legs are kind of touching and it's nice and warm.

“I got another match.”

“Oh, you did?” 

“They are really nice. Air.”

And Viktor breathes down, he seems kind of relieved? 

“I'm glad. Air is a really good combination.” 

Really?

“I didn't like them. They are kind and precious. But they make me feel old. They have so much energy and they enjoy life truly and I…”

He seems curious and concerned. “You don't enjoy life?”

He reflects about it. “I'm not sure. I just feel tired, I guess. My life is good, I have a good job, great friends, I'm strong, and I still find little things to appreciate, so I guess I do enjoy it, It's just I…”

“Want more?”

Yes. He nods. It's alright to want more and still want to have a simple and calm life, right?

“There's nothing wrong with it, Jayce. Wanting more, wanting things is a signal of living. I think it's when you don't want anything anymore that we should worry.”

Huh. That's true. “So you are going to dissolve it?”

He doesn't know. But he also doesn't want to go on more dates. But if he doesn't go, he will never find out, he has to try. 

“I don't know. Can I ask you something?”

Viktor nods. “Yes, of course.”

“It's about Matchinery.” He says and sees as his face changes. He gets sad and tense.

“Yes?”

He can't do it, not when he looks like this. “Have you eaten?” 

And Viktor blinks confused at him. “No, but I find it confusing to see the connection between not eating and Matchinery?”

He smirks.

“There's no connection, I will ask about it later. Right now I realize I'm starving. Would you eat something with me?”

“It's late…”

He sees. He's right and he also has an early morning. “So it's a no?”

“Where would we go?”

“What station do you get out of?”

“14th.”

It's the same as his. He can't believe it. 

“Mine too. Do you know that restaurant close by?”

He seems to be thinking. “You mean the pizza place?”

He nods. 

“I don't eat after eight.”

Okay. “Yes?”

“I also don't stay out after nine.” He can see he's struggling. 

“We don't need to do it today. We can do it another day in a reasonable time and…”

“No, I want to. Would it be alright if we eat at my place?”

He blinks at him now. It surprises him somehow. But he smiles again. 

“I would love to.” He says and for his trouble Viktor gives him that big smile. They are underground, in the subway. But he can touch the sun. 

Chapter Text

They get into Viktor's place through the kitchen and it's quite messy. He's surprised, he thought he would be the organized one. But there's a pile of dishes in the sink and the little table is covered in bread bran, the remains of the breakfast still there. He can see as Viktor gets conscious of it. He gets tense. “I apologize for the mess of the place, I haven't had the time to clean properly, and I was not expecting any visitors, I never bring anyone here.”

Jayce smiles. “It's fine, I don't mind.”

But Viktor seems still put out. “Just give me a moment, I 'm gonna clean it.”

“I can do it.” He says putting his briefcase and the bags on the chair and starting to roll up the sleeves of his long shirt. 

And Viktor blinks at him. He looks tired, and the moment he stood up and they walked out of the subway car, Jayce started to regret having come up with this idea. He limped and walked with difficulty, groaning sometimes, but not complaining at all. Maybe they should cancel it and let him rest. But also all the way here, Viktor kept smiling softly. They didn't talk much, he doesn't know why, they just kind of basked in each other's company. He feels contentment. And believes Viktor feels too. 

“You are my guest.” Viktor says in a tone that implies this should be obvious.

“Yes and?”

“A guest shouldn't clean the place.”

Ah. 

He smirks. “Thats for common guests. I'm not a common guest, I'm a friend, and friends can help and there's no need to keep politeness around them. Isn't it true?”

The hazel eyes stay on him. He seems when he gets it, and then Viktor smirks.

“I have a feeling you are gonna find a way to break protocols, aren't you?”

Well. “Thats what friends are for.” He says and starts to take the things from the table and put them on the sink.

“Wait.”

He stops. “You're gonna ruin your clothes.” 

He's about to say he doesn't mind it, when he sees Viktor take an apron that's hanging in the back of the door. It's dark blue and he comes close and passes the strap through his head, all getting warmer. “Here…” Then he seems to realize what he did. “Oh, sorry, is it alright?” 

Jayce nods. “Yes.” He feels dazed for some reason. Must be the hunger? Viktor steps back and Jayce finishes to tie the waist of the apron. Then he gets back to work. 

Viktor sits on the other chair, groaning. 

“You seem to be in pain.” Jayce says casually, while he cleans the table and then he washes his hands and starts to open the bags. They got mini pizzas and some juice because it's late. They also have plastic cups and napkins. 

“Oh, yes, I have been sitting up and walking all day long. My leg is killing me. I guess I will have to start to use the cane again, and get back with physiotherapy.” He says, taking out his suit jacket, and throwing it over the back of the chair. The suit suits him, he has a long and elegant silhouette. Jayce doesn't enjoy using formal clothes on a daily routine, but he has to because of work. People say he looks good, but Viktor sure looks better on it. It's like he was made for it. 

As he rolls up his sleeves, Jayce can see the tattoos again tracing the pale skin. 

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Don’t be, I'm used to it.”

He grumps. He doesn't like it. He doesn't like that he has pain at all. “It’s not good to get used to pain.”

“I know, but I don't have any other option.”

Shit. “I’m sorry for saying it, I don't know what you go through. It was insensitive.”

“No. Jayce… I understand what you mean. You worry for my well being, right?”

Their eyes meet and Jayce feels suddenly emotive. He nods. And Viktor smiles, making everything bright and warm. 

“I worry about your well being too.”

And now he's curious. He takes the briefcase, puts it on the table, and sits. “You do?”

Viktor makes a face, cheeks getting a bit rose, then nods. “I have been worried if you would be able to have a good and trustful partner. There's a lot of people out there. And I can't help but worry.”

Oh. He didn't know that. He feels his chest warm. He likes that he cares about him. “I’m careful, I only meet in places where there's people around.” He opens the medium pizza box and stares down at the six mini pizzas. His are pepperoni. 

“I'm actually worried about what happens after the first meeting.” Viktor says. 

Ah. 

Their eyes meet again, and Viktor seems truly attentive, when he moves his head, the light makes his eyes shine golden. “Can I ask you a very personal question?”

Personal? He nods. “Yes, we are friends, you can ask anything.”

And Viktor hums. “Now that's something to reflect about. There are different kinds of friends and even best friends may not be able to talk about everything. Are we going to be best friends?” 

He hopes so. “I would like for us to be.”

Viktor smiles. “Me too.” He stands and goes to the sink, washing his hand, and Jayce takes a pizza, he bites and chews slowly. It's good. 

Viktor comes back and sits again, another groan escaping him. He takes the box of juice and shakes, then he takes the straw and pierces the box. He drinks, seeming to relax a bit.  

When he puts the little box down he says: what do you want from a partner?

Of all questions he didn't see this coming. But then again Viktor has asked about his dating life before. Yes, about matching and the elements. When he found out he created the app, he thought he was probably curious about the works of it. One thing is reading people's reports and posts, another is having someone in person telling you about it. Or maybe he wanted more experiences.

He takes another bite, and another, finishing the first of his pizzas. He chews while he thinks about it. After he swallows and cleans his lips he says: why do you ask?

Viktor didn't touch the food. “And won't eat?”

The other man reaches a long hand, and takes one pizza, his are muzarela. He bites and chews. And Jayce gets happy with it. He shakes his box of juice. It's kind of silly for two grown men to eat mini pizzas and drink juice from little boxes. The restaurant was out of regular juice, but he is really enjoying it. 

“I’m trying to figure out who would be the best partner for you.”

Ah.

“When you said you got Earth, I didn't know much about you, but as we talked, including today, I came to the conclusion it fits you, you seem patient, and it's the big characteristic of people that got Earth as an element. You are patient and you are willing to learn and understand. Patience is a great virtue, but also it is Earth's weak point.”

He feels his face warm up again. “Why?”

“Because you can think things are gonna get better, that you may give more time, that you have to see it through, understand, learn, be comprehensive. And this can be very tiring, consuming, and some can even exploit it.”

Oh. He never thought about it like this. 

“I see.” He reflects about it, about how he keeps waiting for things. He was always like this. He doesn't know why. He usually has a good temper. But he remembers how he got when Mel said they should break, he waited for her, gave time and comprehension, but in the end, she chose another person. And he saw the signals, he thought if he waited, and were more attentive she would… what? Love him again? He got angry with himself. Stayed in a terrible mood for months. 

He also got angry with her. He's slow, but she's not. She could have told him. All that time, that wait, the hope and work. 

Viktor is right, it's tiring. Why does he want a relationship again? 

“I apologize, I put you in a bad mood. Didn't I?” Viktor says, he seems very regretful. 

“It’s not your fault you just got it right.”

“Well, it's kind of my fault because I'm good at this. I should have thought better of my words.”

Jayce shakes his head. “I think I did need to hear it. I keep trying to change, but end up doing the same things again and again. I think if the Water girl hadn't dissolved it, I would still be waiting for her. Isn't it pathetic?"

“No, it's not. It’s hard to change patterns. I talk from my own experience. You must have figured it out, right? That I'm different?” He sips the last of his juice, the box making a sucking sound. “Sorry.” 

He knows he's different and he thinks he knows why it is.

“You are autistic, right?”

He nods. “I would like to talk a bit more about dating if it's alright?”

It is. “Yes, it's fine.”

“The best combination would be with someone with the same element as you. Another person that is patient and deeply comprehensive. You both would be able to grow together. In theory of course.”

Jayce drinks his juice, and Viktor takes another pizza. He chews and hums. It's good he enjoys it too. 

The same element. But it's not like he can choose, if it's up to the app.

“You see… Air is a good combination, but they usually get distracted easily, they don't do it purposely, but Earth needs attention to grow properly. Air is also very sensible, they carry everything, and get overwhelmed fast, and get sick. They are pure in a sense, and people should be gentle with them. They also can be very electric, so I can see why you felt old around them.”

He nods, and takes his second pizza. “Water is good too, they are usually pacífic but they tend to follow the flux, to shape themselves trying to fit. And they can take many forms. They can help grow, they have patience too. They also can be very stubborn. Their negative side is to mold but to have their way.”

They chew in silence for a moment. Dating isn't easy. He knows that. He has dated more than one time. The first times were weird, he can't even remember much of it because he was young and it didn't last long. Mostly they shared kisses. He thinks he “dated” them just because they said they liked him. So he tried.

With Mel he didn't know he loved her till she confessed to him. So he realized he loved her from the start but was not aware of it. It was good, till she became distant. All the plans he had were crushed. It's his fault he knows, you can't plan for other people's lives. She didn't want the same as he, no, she didn't want it with him. She's very married now, and they are going to have a baby. He gets sad again…

“I did it again. I'm making you sad.” Viktor says. “It’s not my intention at all. I'm really sorry.”

“No… It's not you. I'm just wondering if it's worth it. Dating. I'm just starting, but I'm already tired. But I can't seem to stop. Why?”

And Viktor smiles softly, filling him with warmth. “Because you want someone?”

Yes, that's true. “I would like to know what do you expect from a partner, if it's all right?” 

What does he expect? 

“Well, I would like to meet someone more like me. Same age, or a bit older, good natured. I don't care about appearance, or money…”

“Money can be very important.”

“Yes, I mean it's not a criteria, but sure I wouldn't like to be the one paying everything just because. But I would like to treat and spoil them.”

Viktor's soft smile grows a bit, bright and perfect rays of sun. “You sure like to treat, you didn't even let me pay for my share.”

“I told you it would be on me the next time.”

Viktor nods. “Yes, you did say it.”

And Jayce smiles back. “I think that mostly I would like companionship, someone that stays by my side, that loves me, and who I can trust and feel safe with.” 

Yes, feel safe, just like now. And he thinks about it again, what Viktor's element would be. And as the other man gets his last pizza, Jayce's mind comes up with a possibility. No, what is he thinking? This cannot be. Of course not. But he seems himself asking anyway: hypothetically, If you used the app, what do you think would be your element?

Viktor stares curiously at him, seeming a bit surprised. And now Jayce gets nervous, a feeling growing in the deep of him. Hope. He's hoping it's the same as him. He's hoping it will be the perfect match…

“Oh… hypothetically?”

Jayce nods.

“I see… even hypothetically my element isn't there. It's curious you ask it, because I myself have thought about it too. And I came to the conclusion my element would be technology.”

“Technology, and is that an element?”

Jayce smiles, but he can't put his heart on it. No, because it's crushing. Why? It was just a silly thought. Of course Viktor could never be his match. What was he thinking?

“It is for me. I'm methodical, practical, and most of my actions are programmed, working in the best way to function and solve issues.” 

He seems relaxed now. “I also can't feel romantic and sexual attraction. So it fits.”

Oh. He can't feel… he suddenly wants to go home. 

“I see. Huh. It's getting late. I should be going.”

“Oh, yes, of course. I took a lot of your time. I'm sorry.”

No. He shakes his head. “I enjoyed it.”

“Really? You don't look like you are enjoying it right now.”

He can always tell, can't he? No one could before, not even Mel. He was very miserable close to their ending, and she never said a thing. She didn't even say she was sorry. 

It's not fair. 

“I’m not feeling well.”

“Yes, I can tell. And we already ate, food might not work this time, so what can I do to help?”

There's nothing you can do. It's not your fault. 

He stands, and starts to clean the table.

“Stop it!”  Viktor says. It's the first time he hears him raise his voice. 

He comes close to him. His concerned eyes on him. “When I get very distressed a hug helps, usually I hug myself, and I don't know if you are the same. But would you like me to hug you?” 

Oh. 

He shakes, feeling like crying. “Yes… yes.”

Viktor moves slowly, hands wrapping around him. Their bodies touch and he feels warm immediately. He embraces back, he can't help it. And he cries. As he does, Viktor caresses his back softly. 

And Jayce starts to feel something else, it's a warm feeling, yes, at first he thinks it's just the warmth of their bodies, but it overwhelms him, and it seems like something flowing, coming out of him. Oh. He knows what it is, he has felt it before. Well, it was never this much, this intense with Mel. But there's no mistaking it. It's love. 

Oh.OH! And now he realizes why he was sad, why it hurt to hear Viktor can't be his match, and is not able to have romantic feelings. That's because Jayce loves him. 

And he stops crying. The feeling taking over him. He thinks about the first day he met him, how he got trapped for a moment. How he enjoys talking with him, and adores his sunny smiles and keeps coming back to the coffee shop when he knows he is not coming because of the food, even if it's good food. He's slow, but he got it now. 

Should he tell him? No. It's not necessary. No, it's fine if it's just like this. They can be close friends and he's sure he will be happy for a lifetime. He feels pretty happy now. The happier he ever felt. And isn't it curious? He's a romantic guy, using a dating app to find his soulmate, and he found what he was looking for in real life in the shape of a man that can't feel romantic towards him. He should be angry. But he feels glad. 

“Are you feeling better? Did the hug help?”

He smiles. “Yes. Thank you.”

“Oh, thanks heaven.”

They stay in the embrace for a while. “When you feel better, and it's a good time I would like to talk about other things, your job, the life you have before, your dreams.”

He wants it too. 

“Okay.”

“I would like to know more about you. And tell you about me too. There's something happening, and I'm feeling like I will be able to talk about it without falling apart, if it's with you.” He says and Jayce worries. He wonders what's happening. 

“I would like that. To talk about you too.”

“That makes me happy.”

His smile grows and all is so warm he almost feels like fluctuating in a bubble of warmth. “Yes?”

“Actually I got happy the moment I saw you in the subway. I had such a terrible and tiring day, and then there were you.”

He can't believe it. He feels the same way. “I’m glad to hear it.”

He pulls away slowly, if he could he would stay forever, yes, holding him, if he was allowed of course, if Viktor wanted it too. It's not possible, he knows. And it's okay. He is just happy he found him. 

Viktor stares in wonder at him.  “You do seem better.” He says and smiles, turning everything bright. And Jayce wishes he could just kiss him right now.

In the end he doesn't finish cleaning the table, and has a suspicion Viktor will not be cleaning either, which is good. He must rest. When Jayce asks if he would be able to go to work the next day he says: I think so, I will be going in the afternoon. 

He smiles and says in return: see you there.

He lives just one block away, and this is really absurd. He walks happily home and gets to bed feeling  still all warm. Then it hits him, how do he go on dating when he's in love with someone else? He doesn't know, but he will dissolve things with Ekko, they are too young for him anyway, yes, they sure would be a better pair for that girl Jinx. Wouldn’t they? He falls asleep remembering that hug. If only he felt the same.

Chapter Text

He has decided to change. Yes, he will not wait for things to work the way he wants. He also will not try to make things go the way he wants. Not that he ever did the last one. He will just enjoy life. He never thought his soulmate could be a friend. But it seems like this is possible. At work when he goes for a coffee in the office pantry, he searches: can your soulmate be your best friend?

Yes, many believe that a soulmate has more to do with the connection between souls than with a romantic concept. It's a deep spiritual bond that gives feelings of safety, companionship, and understanding.

That's it. Viktor can be his soulmate. The problem though is that Jayce feels romantic feelings too. He wants to hold hands, kiss and… well, making love, of course. And he feels a stab of guilt over it. It's not right to have these feelings towards your friends, right? But also it's not his fault he feels this way. 

However he plans on not contemplating it much. He will focus on friendship. Only thinking about Viktor in any way already makes him feel deeply happy. 

He leaves work on his lunch break and goes to the coffee shop. As he gets in he can't see Viktor at all, and he puffs. The one attendant he sees is a smiling guy, who Jayce remembers attending him the first time he came here. Again the table he used to sit is taken, it's the same old ladies. There's no free table next to the windows, it's an unusually movemented day. He gets a table in a corner and sits, taking out his laptop.

He gets in Matchinery, the screen glowing, then there's grass that dances by the wind. He smiles. He's happy they were really nice person. He gets in the chat, aware they probably will not answer his text today. But it’s okay. 

He starts to tip the text he has been working on his mind. 

"Dear, Infinite Life

It was really great to have the privilege to meet you. You are a really nice and good natured person that I'm sure anyone would be glad to date. I know you have been waiting for it, but you should remember something I almost forgot, there's people out there, out of games and apps, well, not that you can't meet people in games, but don't let it be your only source. You never know when you may find the right one. 

For what I'm saying you can already guess what this is about. I want us to dissolve our Matchinery. I must be honest with you and with myself, yes, I just found it in a place I was not expecting at all. I'm in love. I'm deeply in love and…"

“Good afternoon, Jayce.”

He closes the laptop so fast he almost hits the screen. His face burns as he turns to him. 

“Hi… good… good afternoon.” And hazel eyes stare curiously and concerned at him. 

“Are you feeling alright, Jayce?”

He swallows and nods. “Yes. Of course.”

And Viktor moves, getting close, he's using a cane, Jayce can only wonder if he's in pain before a hand touches his forehead. His hand is cold, but he feels immediately warm. 

“You are not hot, but your face is red. Are you sure you are fine?”

He puts his hand over his and takes the long hand softly, he stares at the long arms, traced by those numbers. 

“What does the numbers mean?” He asks without meaning and meets the eyes again. And now Viktor's face is the one getting pink. 

Jayce lets go of his hand reluctantly. “Just some words.” 

“What words?”

“I'm gonna tell you another time. You see, today I'm afraid I will not be able to spend my break with you. I'm covering someone's break.”

“Jinx’s?”

And Viktor blinks at him. “Do you know her?”

“Not really, she just took care of my table yesterday.”

Viktor nods. “She’s a very nice young lady, easy to speak to.”

“Yes. She did a good job, but I missed you.” Wait. Did he say it out loud? 

Viktor smiles softly, being his personal sun when he can't sit close to a window. “How curious, I thought it was only me.”

What? “You mean to say you missed me too?”

He hums. “I spent the whole day thinking about how I wanted to be working so I could meet you.” He sighs, seeming tired. “I wish it would end soon, that I could just beat those bastards and be done with it.”

He's confused, and he's kind of cute when he curses, it's surprising actually. “What bastards?”

He looks sad again. “That's the issue I wanted to talk with you about. I guess this will have to wait a bit more.”

Okay. He nods. 

“Viktor!”

He sighs again, clearly disappointed. “I have to go, will you be getting the same order?” 

“Yes, please.”

And he smiles, the sun shining over him. “I will bring it as soon as it's ready.”

When he's gone, Jayce opens the laptop again. He finishes the text and sends. In the end he puts: I hope we can become friends.

He stares at the countertop, and can see beyond it, Viktor moving slowly, doing many things. It's clear he's tired, probably in pain too. Jayce hates it. His phone and laptop pings and he stares at the screen. Oh, he got an answer right away. 

"Dude, that's sick! You fell in love, that's amazing. Love that for you, man. 

Also you are too old for me anyway, old man. And I think you right, FYI I just met someone IRL too. Don't know if it will work, but I gonna give it a shot. 

Sure, let's be friends. Ask Lady Blue for my phone number, see you."

He searches FYI and IRL and laughs to himself. They are really precious, aren't they?

“I see you are in good humor.” 

He smiles, this voice always has this effect on him. Now he knows why. He closes the chat and turns. “Yes, I’m. I'm dissolving things with my actual match.”

Viktor nods. “I see.” And Jayce realizes he has his order on one arm. 

“Oh, let me help you.” He takes the plate with the pie, then the coffee. And put it on the table. Viktor smiles softly, eyes semiclosing. “Thank you.” And Jayce feels like melting. 

“It's nothing. Are you feeling better?”

He sighs, seeming very tired. “I have had worse, but I won't be working in the evening at last.”

Ah. “What time do you leave?”

“Six o'clock.”

“Would you like to take the subway with me?”

Viktor seems taken by surprise for a moment, then smiles again. He seems so happy, Jayce's heart skips a beat. “I would love to.”

He smiles back, their eyes on each other. He feels his face burn and turns to the laptop. He gets in the little gear that keep turning in the hight left of the screen.

“You are doing it now?”

“Yes.”

He finds it easily. 

Dissolve Matchinery 

He clicks.

List of Matches

InfiniteLife74 Dissolve

As he clicks on Dissolve and there's a message.

Are you sure you want to dissolve your Matchinery with InfiniteLife74? Once dissolved the connection, the match can't be reconnected.

It's okay. He clicks in proceed and the screen glows, the grass take up the screen, stopping to dance. 

At the same time his phone pings. As he's staring at the screen he sees when a spark falls down very slowly. 

“Something is happening.” He says.

“What is happening?”

“I don't know…” The spark reaches the grass, falling in a leaf, and it's instantaneous, it catches fire, burning all the green grass.

“It's burning?”

“Oh, you matched with Fire, didn't you?”

The grass turns to grey, then dark, and the screen is just burned soil. He waits to see what will happen now, but nothing happens.

“Huh, it's sad.”

“Can I take a look?”

He nods and feels as Viktor gets close. He turns the screen a bit so he can take a better look. His mind gets dazed, he can feel the warmth coming off him. He wants to wrap his arms around him. 

“Nothing is growing.”

“What?” He stares at his face, his forehead is crushing. This close he's even more beautiful, but also Jayce can see how tired he's. Viktor moves his eyes from the screen, meeting him. “After the fire, new plants should grow, fire can bring renovation, but there's only destruction. It shouldn't be like this.”

Jayce is following the move of the fine lips. He really would like to kiss him. He thinks only the touch of lips would be enough. Yes. Just a brush…

“Did you hear me?”

He nods and swallows. “Y… yes, something should be growing. Blooming.”

Viktor nods. “Yes. I think the programmation is presenting errors.”

Ah. He stares back at the screen.

“Has it happened before?”

“No, well, at least not when I was the one programming it.”

And a phrase takes form on the screen. 

Your matchinery partner is YourLastChance01.

“You aren't programming it anymore?”

“No.” He sounds odd. Something is wrong. “Won’t you click on it? And your coffee is getting cold.”

Actually he doesn't give a shit about the matches anymore. He takes a big sip of his coffee and clicks on it.

It’s a he. Element fire. 40 years old. There's a pic of a white man. 

“A man of virtue, that sees valor in labor and sacrifice.” 

There's something odd about it. He doesn't know what. 

“I don't like it.” Viktor says suddenly. 

He turns to him. “What?”

He seems tense, eyes still on the screen. “I don't like him.”

“Why?” Their eyes meet. He doesn't seem alright.

“I don’t know, I just have a bad sensation… huh, I’m sorry, I shouldn't be saying it. You should contact the site maintenance about the error.”

“Are you alright?”

“Viktor!”

He sighs. 

“No. I’m not. I…I’ll be back in a moment.”

And he goes, as he does, Jayce goes to the configuration and clicks in Dissolve Match and dissolves it. He guesses it's fine if you don't talk with the person. It's not disrespectful. He eats his pie, finishes his coffee, and asks for the bill. He has to get back to work. 

“Debit?” Viktor asks, when he's back. He nods. 

He seems very tense, his hands shake as he takes the little machine. His eyes on his hands. 

“Viktor…”

The fingers move, tipping the price and proceeding. “I think you need to take a break.”

The head lifts, and the hazel eyes find his. “Would you… hold me for a moment?”

Ah. He smiles and stand. As Viktor steps back, he steps close, and slides his arms around him. Viktor doesn't move, he stays still, shaking hard on Jayce’s arms. “A bit more tight, please.”

He holds tight. “That way. I… I know it's unprofessional but…”

“It's not, everyone needs a hug once in a while. And you can always ask for hugs from me. Or anything.”

And Viktor laughs softly on his chest, the sound rough and delicious. “Isn’t anything too much?”

“I don't think so.”

“Okay.”

He holds for one more minute. A man at a table stares and he gives him a little smile. “You can let go now.”

He doesn't want to, but he does. He moves away, and Viktor smiles at him. “I’m better now.”

And he does seem better. Jayce smiles back. He pays and before he leaves Viktor says: I’m going to wait for you at the end of my shift. 

He sounds nervous and Jayce nods. “I will come to take you.”

He leaves feeling warm and happy, don't even mind having to go to two meetings when he's back to work. 

When it's one hour before the time to leave, he gets happy again, and anxious. He knows he's acting ridiculous, but he can't help. He ends up leaving fifteen minutes early and smiles all the way to the coffee shop. 

As he gets in, briefcase in hand, Viktor is cleaning some tables, he has the headphones back on, and their eyes meet. “Oh, I'm almost done.” He says and Jayce nods. 

“It's fine, take your time.” 

And Viktor smiles. Yes, it's the end of the day, the sun dying outside, but right here its rising. 

He sits at a table and waits a bit, he keeps watching him, as he walks around with his cane, cleaning. And soon there's new costumers getting in, and Jinx comes to attend the tables, she sees him and smiles. 

“You taking him home, right?”

Well, it's not quite right, but he nods, face getting warm.

It doesn't take much and Viktor is in front of him, black backpack on his back and no apron. He's using jeans and a blue shirt today, his arms bare, showing the delicate tattoos. He said he would tell about them another time.

“Give me your bag.”

And Viktor stares at him, his mouth opens as if he's about to say something, but then he takes out the backpack and holds it to him. He seems nervous again when he says: thank you. 

Jayce takes the backpack and stands, putting it on his left shoulder. 

“Lets go.”

They get out and walk slowly side by side towards the subway, the cane doing a tud sound. They get in in silence and sit near each other, their legs touching like yesterday. He holds the backpack and the briefcase on his lap.

“I can carry it, you know?”

He nods. “I know, but you are tired.”

He hears as Viktor puffs at his side. “Unfortunatelly. Yes.”

“Are you in pain too?”

“Huhum. This has been a bad week for me and…”

He stops suddenly and stares at him, Jayce feels his eyes on him and meets them. “Yes?”

“It’s not right, it has been an amazing week since yesterday. I didn't mean to say all was bad.”

Jayce smiles. “I got it. You had a bad week that is starting to get better.”

Viktor nods. “Yes. And that's because of you.”

Oh. He knows he doesn't mean it like that, but Jayce feels his heart beating fast, facing burning. 

“My week is better because of you too.”

And Viktor shakes his head. “You don't need to say it to be educated. These formalities are unnecessary” 

“No, I mean it.”

Viktor seems nervous again. He averts his eyes and his hands move through his thighs, fingers scratching the jeans. “I… when you left early I just realized I asked you to hold me like nothing. You didn't offer it, so you must have felt obligated to help me. I… don't want to be a bother. But I have many periods of time and moments when I need help and support. That said, I would understand if you change your mind about being friends.”

What?

“Would you look at me?” He asks softly.

And Viktor moves, eyes meeting him again, he seems very worried. 

“I won't change my mind. I want to be your friend. I like helping you. I actually wish I could do more.” I would love to spend the rest of my life taking care of you. 

“Jayce…”

“Would it be okay if I walk with you to your place?”

Their eyes stay on each other and Viktor nods slowly. “Yes, I would appreciate that.”

Jayce smiles. And in return he's able to see the sun in the subway again.

As they reach Viktor's place, he opens the door and Jayce gets in. He puts the backpack on one of the chairs and he can see the dishes are still there and the table still dirty.

He turns and Viktor is staring at him. “I'm gonna clean before leaving. Is that okay?”

The other man puffs and Jayce watches as he turns to the door and takes the blue apron. “You are an infuriating man, you know that?” Viktor says as he gets close to him and Jayce smiles.

“Hold the cane for me for a moment.”

Jayce takes the cane and Viktor passes the strap of the apron over his head. Then the other man takes the cane back, as their hands brush, their eyes meet and Viktor's face gets pink. 

“Huh, I’m going to take a seat. Would you like something to eat?”

He sits and Jayce ties the apron, feeling a bit out of it. “It's not necessary, I will be fast so you can rest.”

“Stop it. You are in my home cleaning for me, the last I can do is treat you to something. And we can move to the living room. That way it will be more comfortable.”

Jayce nods, feeling beyond happy. He doesn't want to go at all. “Okay.”

He rolls his sleeves and starts to wash the dishes. 

“What are you in the mood for?” Viktor asks. 

Hum. He thinks about what Viktor should eat. Yesterday they ate pizza, but it's not healthy at all. They should just eat like this on the weekends. Wait. What he's thinking? He can't decide what Viktor will be eating and doing. 

“Jayce? Would some soup be acceptable?”

He smiles. “Yes.”

Viktor orders the soup and when it arrives, Jayce has already finished with the dishes and cleaned the table. He worked happily as Viktor sat in silence for most of it. 

“Do you have a tray?” Jayce asks when he puts the bags over the table. 

“In the cabinet next to the refrigerator.” Viktor says, looking very much as if hes about to stand and get it. 

“I will take care of it. You can go to the living room and wait there.” Jayce says, and as Viktor stares at him, he adds: you can do the same for me when I'm sick. 

And Viktor hums, but Jayce can see the smile starting to form. “I wonder if you ever get sick, you seem so strong.”

He goes to the cabinet, takes the tray and brings it to the table. He puts the food containers on it and then takes the spoons. 

“I do get sick.” He says and Viktor smiles softly. 

“Well, I don't want you to be sick.”

Jayce grabs the tray and hums. “Would you lead the way?”

Viktor stands slowly. As he walks, he says: will you meet that person? 

Eh? Jayce has totally forget he had a new match today. 

“No. I dissolved it.”

And Viktor turns as they get in the living room, it seems comfy. “Really? Why?”

“I didn't like him.” And you didn't like him too and I trust you.

“How can you know without meeting?”

They sit and Jayce puts the tray over the table in the middle. Slowly Viktor seems to get in a better position on the couch, he takes out his shoes and he grabs a cushion, putting it over his lap, before taking the container of soup and resting it on it. 

“I just know. Actually I knew I didn't like the others too.”

“Oh. I see, were you willing to date them even if you didn't have feelings for them?”

Jayce takes a spoon and holds it out to him. 

“They can come with time, the feelings.” He says and Viktor smiles and as he takes the spoon their hands brush again.

“I see, I can't say I understand it. So you are the type that gets feelings with time?” He asks and when Jayve moves to take his container, he says: take a cushion too.

He grabs a cushion and puts it over his lap. Then he takes the container. He feels a bit self conscious now, thinking about his feelings. Viktor takes a spoon of soup to his mouth and blows it, before taking it in. He hums, and the sound resounds inside of him. Making him content. 

“No. Actually I don't. I think I get them right away, but I… just realize it later.”

“Ah.” 

He fills a spoon too, blows and takes on his mouth. Its good soup. 

“So would you date them even if you can't get feelings for them?”

Yes, he would. He nods. “It may seem stupid.”

“I don't think it's stupid, many people date because they feel some kind of need to. I searched a lot when I was trying to understand romance and attraction. Some do it like an obligation, because it's how the others live, some like dating in itself, like a sport? Others love it, it makes them happy. And also there's people who do it to blend in. Or to make others happy. And I'm sure there's more reasons.”

He never really thought about the reason other people date. Huh. He takes more soup.  

“But I'm glad you won't meet this person.”

Eh?

He stares at him, and soft hazel eyes meet him. “Why?”

“He wasn't right for you. You deserve a kind partner, Jayce. I'm not saying people who have Fire as their element are bad and uncaring. No, they can be very warm and fire is necessary to life to grow. It's about this specific person.” He puffs. “I don't like him.”

And Jayce smiles. “I got it. Can I ask you something?”

Viktor nods. “Of course, also I'm aware I took much of the talking, you should stop me, and say I'm being too much.”

He shakes his head. “You aren't too much, I like to listen to you. You know so much. But I have being wondering since early, are you a medium, Viktor?”

As he finishes his soup, Viktor moves, putting the container back on the tray. “I don't know. No, that's not true. I do know, but I don't like it. For a long time, since I was diagnosed when I was twelve, I thought it was the autism that made me react this way to people's energy.”

“What's it you feel?”

“Once in a while I feel people's intentions, I guess. Even if it's from a picture or video. I just get it, I don't know how to explain properly. It has been a while since I felt something like this.”

“What did you feel?”

“If I think about it, you will have to hold me again.”

Oh. 

“Let's talk about other things. Seems all we talk about is dating, doesn't it?” He says and Viktor smiles. 

“Well, I enjoy talking about it, mostly I enjoy talking with you.” 

And he feels his face get warm again. 

“But there's something I would like to talk about. I'm planning to quit at the coffee shop.”

Oh. Well, he can understand. Actually he doesn't think that work suits him at all. 

He nods. “You should do what you want.”

“But then we wouldn't see each other much.” He says, averting his eyes again.

“I doubt it, you live very close to me, so of course we would see each other a lot. Why are you quitting?”

He puts his container on the tray too. And Viktor stares at him.

“I haven't been feeling well, actually I don't like this job very much, and I also don't like to deal with people. I chose it exactly because I needed a change. What's not easy for me.”

He has been thinking about it. An app like Matchinery must earn a lot of money. Why would he need to work serving tables?

“Quit it.” He says suddenly. 

And Viktor blinks at him. “I mean if money is not a problem, and even if it is, you could come live with me and…” He stops realizing what he just said. “I'm sorry, forget the last part, I just mean I would help you if you need.”

And Viktor stares hard at him, then he smirks. “You should think better before making such offers, I may take you up on them. If I quit, what am I going to do the whole day?” 

“Sleep, watch movies, work on something personal, draw, paint, listen to music and…”

Viktor laughs rough and delicious. “Okay, maybe you should quit too so we could do all this together.”

It's very tempting. And he remembers something. “You still didn't give me your phone number.” 

They share numbers and he takes the tray back to kitchen, he throws the food container away and washes the spoons. When he's leaving he can't help but ask for it. 

“Would it be alright if I hug you?” 

They are at the door and Viktor seems a bit surprised. “You don't need to accept it to be educated either.” Jayce completes and Viktor smiles.

“I would never do it for politeness, my mother had a hard time with me as a child. This is another thing I'm not able to do as the others. I can't touch people at all. But I realized I have touched you many times, and even asked you to touch me.” 

Oh. He didn't know that. “So it's okay if I touch you?”

Viktor nods. “It surprised me, but yes, it's. Please, hug me.”

He moves immediately, arms wrapping around him, it's the second time today that he's given this blessing. He feels warm right away, filled with love. 

When they part Viktor stares at him with eyes very attentive. “You know, Jayce, I can tell the intentions of good people too. So I know Jayce.”

Eh? What does he know? His feelings for him? No, this is impossible, right? 

“I know you want only the good things for me. That's why I didn't want to be a nuisance to you. You are so good.”

Oh. “It won't be a nuisance.”

And Viktor suddenly seems very serious. “But it can become like it, even if you love me. Even with love it can get tiring and consuming. So I will make sure to take good care of you too.”

He said love, so he knows he loves him? He is not thinking properly because suddenly he feels too much, tears sliding on his face. It hits him what Viktor just said, and he remembers how things were with Mel, but mostly that he was ready to do it again, to be the only given, caring, waiting. Even if he feels happy now, there's a big change that in the long run, it would… 

“It was like this before? It was tiring and it broke you, right?” 

He shakes, and Viktor embraces him again. “It's okay, because I love you too, Jayce.” 

He can’t really remember how he got home, did he materialize himself in his place? He feels kind of out his body, still feels the feeling of Viktor's arms around him, his smell, and the love flowing out of him. But mostly he hears his words: I love you too, Jayce. 

And are those words that carry him to his dreams. 

****

Viktor quits the next day, he sends him a message saying they have decided to do it and Jayce says they need to celebrate his freedom. Surprisingly the other man agrees and they make plans to meet in the weekend. 

He's happy Viktor is not working there, but also he wants to see him. Since that event, the confession that was not a confession, he is not sure how to act. Should he tell Viktor he would like a bit more? To be more? Would it be okay? He has no idea. He needs some advice, and he plans to call Cait. 

Then a project goes wrong at work and he has no time to call at all, it gets worse, and it makes him sad because to fix it in time they will have to work through the weekend, which means he will not be meeting Viktor. 

He reminds himself that his life used to have no Viktor, so he should be used to it, but he ends up thinking that no, he shouldn't, and realizes he's the luckiest person to have found him. 

He informs the other man of the unfortunate news and Viktor says he should consider his proposal of quitting too, and Jayce feels absurdly happy, and goes back to work.

Work, work, send mails, make calls, another review, another correction, call again, have someone see the editor? Check twice. Print! Print! Where the fuck are the bookmarks? 

He sends little texts to Viktor when he's running to the bathroom or getting more coffee, if he almost let his phone fall in the toilet twice, it's just an unimportant fact. 

They have all in place on Wednesday, and he gets to work still feeling pretty much dead inside. All the others are the same, they are all zombies.

Jayce is not a stupid person, he knows the world isn't a good place, he knows terrible things happen all the time, still it surprises him and breaks him hard. 

He's sitting at his desk when he gets the messages, yes, more of one. From Cait and from Vi. 

“Hi, Jay, are you alright?”

“Hey, dude, you alive?!!”

Eh? 

He answer Cait first.

“Hi, I'm pretty tired from work, but fine, yes.”

Then Vi.

“Yes, I'm alive. 😃”

And Vi sends back: SEND ME A PICK

What?

“What? Why do you need a pick?”

SEND ME A FUCK PICK OF YOUR STUPID HANDSOME FACE NOW

It's weird, but then he gets another text from Cait.

“Please, Jayce, send us a picture of you. We need to confirm you are okay.”

SEND IT DAMMIT 

Oh. 

“You know what, maybe we should create a chat with all of us, to make it easy.” He sends it to Cait and she does immediately.

Caitlyn addictioned you to a group chat. 

He gets in. And they are both there. The chat's name is “If you die we gonna kill you.” But he can see it was edited by Vi . 

“Hi.” He tips. 

And his screen changes, his phone ringing, it is a group video call. He accepts it and their concerned faces stare at him. They don't work at the same place, so they are calling from different locations. Cait's makeup seems a bit smeared, eyes red. But Vi is crying uglily.

“Oh, god, you are alive!”

“Jay…”

What?

“Wait, what's happening?”

“WE SHOULD BE ASKING IT”

“Babe, calm down, he's fine.”

“But… hic… It's been a week without any word from him and then…” And she's crying hard. Hiccuping.

“You didn't see the news, right, Jay?”

He shakes his head. 

“We're gonna send you the link. We got so worried. We may have exaggerated.”

“WE DID NOT! Oh, dude, I…” More crying.

“I'm so happy you are safe, Jay. We gonna call back later. Please, take care.”

“Jayce, I love you, dude…”

“Babe, turn the cam off.”

And the call is over. He's back at the chat and there's a link as Cait said. 

He clicks on it. 

Oh, no. 

The headline says “Assassin of Matchinery is Arrested.”

He's afraid to read more. But he does.

The police have arrested a 40-year-old suspected serial killer who is alleged to have murdered more than 100 people and buried them in his backyard. The killer has been using the famous dating app Matchinery, popular for its goods matches, to select his victims. 

Police discovered the crime after his last victim was able to escape his place and call for the police. The victim, whose identity is kept confidential, was a regular user of  Matchinery…

He can't read more, his chest hurts, and his throat feels like closing up. He stands and walks in wobbly legs to the bathroom. He gets in a stall and cries. It could have been him. He knows he's a man and strong, but this doesn't mean terrible things can't happen to him. And he cries for himself and then more for all those people. He should delete it, never use it again, he doesn't need it anymore. And… his phone is ringing again.

He stares at it with blurred eyes, for a moment he thinks he's seeing things. He rubs his eyes. It's true, it's Viktor. He's calling him but it's odd, because he hates calls, doesn't matter he accepts it. 

“Hi… hi…” His voice is trembling, and he sniffs. 

“Jayce…” His voice sounds trembling too. “I… just give me a moment…”

“Okay.” He hears as Viktor breathes deep on the other side. And somehow it starts to make him feel better. “I'm… I'm happy you are calling…”

“Yes? …Just a bit more…”

He keeps breathing and Jayce just hears, breathing too, chest getting warm, for a moment it seems like they are in the same room breathing together. 

“Are you crying?”

“Yes…”

“Why?”

“I just saw some terrible news.”

“Oh… me too and I could just think how I needed to hear your voice. It's so uncharacteristic of me. You saw the news about the app, right?”

“Yes.”

“I'm really sorry, Jayce.”

Eh?

“Why are you apologizing?”

“Because it's my fault. I created the app, and someone is using it to… Soon as I have it back, I will put it down.”

Oh.

“But it seems you put a lot of work on it.”

“It doesn't matter.”

It's not right. He can tell Viktor cares deeply about it.

“It does matter because it's something important to you, and you shouldn't give it away like that.”

And he hears as Viktor breathes deep again. “Jayce…”

“Yes?”

“I want to see you.” His voice is so close and rough, as if he's whispering in his ear.

“Can I go to your place?!” He can't help it, he just feels so much. He needs to see him too. 

“Aren’t you at work right now?”

“Yes. But I’m not feeling well and I worked the weekend. I'm sure they can let me go and…”

“Come to me. I will take proper care of you.”

Chapter Text

As Viktor's words get to him, he feels deeply happy. He wants to be with him, to stay close, to have him between his arms. He smiles. 

“Okay.”

“Wait, I'm going to send a cab to get you.”

Eh? His smile grows, but… “That’s not necessary, I can take the subway.”

“No, it's necessary. I wish I was able to go to you and bring you here, but I’m not. I know you are aware of it. So you must allow me to use the resources I own to take care of you.”

Ah. He wants it, he wants to be taken care of too. He wants Viktor to take care of him. 

“Okay.”

“Okay?” He can hear the surprise and the smile on his voice, he wishes he could see it and be touched by that light. “I'm glad to hear it. Send me your localization.”

He smiles again.

His supervisor lets him go easily just by taking a look at him. “Good lord, you look terrible.”

Yes, he knows. He was pretty beaten up before crying, and even if he threw some water on his face in the bathroom, he still looks really bad. 

“Did we give you too much work this time?” He's a very short man with a big mustache.

“Not much, I'm used to it, it's just something personal came up too.”

“I see. Go home and take tomorrow off too. I know you have many hours in the house.”

He nods. “Thanks, Cecil.”

He's in the elevator when he gets Viktor's text.

“The car is outside.”

When he arrives at his place, he has not even time to knock on the door before it opens and a long hand pulls him in. He gets in feeling warm immediately, body bumping on Viktor's. 

“Oh, sorry.” Viktor says and Jayce smiles, one of his hands landing on the other man’s arm to steady them both. 

“It's okay.”

They stare at each other for a moment, and Viktor gets concerned. “You should totally consider quitting this job of yours. You sure all you do is sell books?” 

He takes the briefcase case out of his hand and puts it on the table. 

“I like my job.” It's true, he doesn't love all the tasks, but he loves to see the result of a project. And there was this series of books that really looks promising and he's gonna get some extra items. He needs to get back to his reading habits, his list only gets bigger everyday. 

Viktor puffs. “Fine.” He says grumpy, but his eyes get soft and he smiles, filling all with light. “I'm going to hold you for a moment, is that alright?”

He nods. “Yes, of course. You don't need to ask.”

“But how will I be able to tell if you can be touched?” 

Oh. He gets it. “Sometimes you feel like you can't be touched?” He asks and Viktor nods. 

“Most of times. I'm afraid it will be quite the adaptation. You're not like this, right?”

He shakes his head. “No, you can touch me anytime you want.” 

He hums, and moves, arms wrapping around Jayce's body. His chin ending on his shoulder. He embraces back, that feeling getting him again, something leaking, flowing out of him, it's like he's becoming a fluctuating warm feeling.“I feel more comfortable with you, but I'm very moody. Little things make me feel out of place.”

“I see. I’m gonna ask every time if you are okay with it.”

He feels as Viktor moves, face getting close to his neck, his breath warm and soft. “I'm okay with it. Me the person, but my brain may fail sometimes. I know it's trying to protect me, and it doesn't have to protect me from you of course. Because you make me feel safe, but other things may affect me and I will act in certain ways. Get stiff and seem unapproachable."

“I see.”

They stay in the embrace, warm and good. “Jayce… I'm so glad you are safe.” His tone is deep, sounding almost painful. 

“Me too.”

He feels when Viktor's face touches his skin, he can feel the smile taking form there. “I really enjoy holding you.”

Oh. His heart speed up. “Yeah?”

“It's like I'm just energy.”

Does he feel the same?

“Are you hungry?”

“No.”

Viktor pulls away slowly, soft eyes on him. He looks so pretty today, he must have rested a bit, Jayce can only wonder how he will look when he rests for a long time. Also it's the first time he sees him like this, he's using comfy clothes and has flip-flops on. His hair is down, soft curly locks reaching his shoulders. “Come.”

Viktor takes him by the hand and he's being moved, guided through the place, they leave the kitchen, getting to the living room, Viktor limps all the way, but he keeps going. Soon they are in the bedroom. 

Viktor lets go of his hand and walks to the bed, grabbing some pieces of clothes that are folded over there and holding it out for him.

“I think these will fit you. I apologize I don't have anything really your size, you are way bigger than me. But those are loose.”

Oh, his clothes. He's gonna wear his clothes. 

He stares at the pieces and Viktor asks: is it alright? I just think you should be able to relax. 

He reaches for the clothes, their hands brushing, and their eyes meet. 

“Thanks.”

“The bathroom is on that door. You can change there. Take out your shoes first.”

He nods and pushes his foot on each other, ending up on his sockets, then he gets in the bathroom. 

He takes out his clothes and feels all warm and self conscious about being about to use Viktor's clothes. He tries to say to himself that it's only natural, friends share clothes. Yes, but also does lovers. 

He has to stop it. He puts the shirt on, it fits right, but the shorts are a bit tight. He gets out, his phone and clothes in hand. 

“You can put it on the side table.” Viktor says from his place sitting at the border of the bed. He nods and walks to the table, doing as he was told. “You haven't slept much these last days, right?” 

“We had a big project to fix.”

“Yes, I remember, but they should take better care of their employees. Of you.”

He nods, he agrees.

Viktor stands. “You can rest here, sleep, I will wake you up when lunch is ready.”

Ah. 

“I don't need to rest.”

“You seem very tired.”

Yes, he's very tired and still kind of sad for all of that, and maybe that's why he can't help but ask for it: I want to stay close to you. I want you to hold me a little more, please. 

He knows he shouldn't ask for it. But he can't help it. Is it wrong if they lay down together? What is he thinking? Of course it is. 

And Viktor walks back and then he passes him and Jayce feels down. Of course that's not possible, and suddenly the lights are turned off. As everything gets a bit dark, he feels a hand on his again and Viktor is back moving him. 

Ah. They reach the bed and Viktor gets on, he groans a bit, slipping under the covers. And Jayce climbs too. As they lay down facing each other, hands still linked, Viktor says: I was planning on cooking for you, because you know, you can't live only from pie. But we can think about something later. 

He nods, smiling deeply, he feels so happy. 

Their eyes stay on each other in the partial darkness. “I think you should leave Matchinery. You use a free inscription, right? That would make it easy.”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

Well, he doesn't need it anymore, does he? 

He nods and Viktor smiles before moving, getting close, arms wrapping around him, his face touches Jayce's chest. He hums and Jayce feels beyond happy. Yes. He really doesn't need the app at all. 

“You smell good.”

He bends a bit, till his face reaches Viktor's hair, the soft locks caress his face. He breathes in. He smells unbelievably good. 

“You smell good too.”

They stay like this, and Viktor moves, he feels his bare foot touch his leg. 

“Are you in pain?”

“Not when I'm close to you.”

Oh. “Really?”

“When I’m with you all I feel is love.”

Ah, these words make him give in totally, he lets the feeling take over him, flowing and leaking, surrounding him, Viktor's energy, and his own energy, and all is warm and kind of liquid. And that's how he falls asleep. 

When he wakes up they are still in the embrace, he opens his eyes and Viktor has moved on his arms, he can see his face half covered by his curly hair. He can't resist it, he reaches a hand, touching the locks and moving them away from that face. He's so precious. As he moves Viktor hums, a smile sliding slowly on his face. 

“Were you able to rest?” He asks, eyes still closed. 

“Y… yes.” 

And the eyes flutter open, staring softly at him. 

“I'm glad.” 

“Did you rest too?”

Viktor nods, moving and pushing his face on his chest again. “Yes.” He stays like this for a while and Jayce wonders if he fell asleep again. Then the thin body moves, and he stares up at him.

“Are you hungry?”

Yes, he's. “Yep.”

“I'm going to make some coffee, would you like that?”

“Huhum.”

Viktor moves away slowly, sitting, groaning and Jayce worries again. “I can do it.”

The other man stares at him. “It's my turn and I'm fine today, I can do this much.” He says and moves, reaching the border of the bed. Jayce observes as he sits there, he stretches his arms and as he does his shirt lifts a bit, even in the partial darkness he can see the tattoos reach his back too. He's more and more curious about it. 

“You can rest a bit more, once it's ready I will come for you.”

“Okay.”

Viktor stands and supports himself in the bed for a moment while he puts the flip-flops on. 

Jayce watches as he walks out. The moment he is gone, he grabs a pillow and covers his face with it. 

Oh, god. He doesn't know what he's doing, but also he can't stop it. That felt so perfect. He wonders if he ever felt like this. No, never. Not even with Mel. He remembers it's been long since he shared a bed with someone, but it wasn't ever like this, this blessing. And all they did was hug. It's so curious. 

Sharing a bed with Mel was good, she was a good lover, the sex was great, he guesses, she always wanted it more than him anyway. He was just fine holding her, but then she would kiss him or rub on him and eventually he would get in the mood. He enjoys sex, yes, but he doesn't think much about it. He likes Viktor's body, he wonders how he looks without clothes. He wants to see where those tattoos end. He would like to trace it, to kiss the lines… his mind doesn't go far. No, he thinks about having him in his arms again. If only they could stay like that forever. 

He groans, feeling guilty again. He shouldn't think like this about his friend. But then again they could be more than friends, no? What if Viktor wants the same? No, he has no romantic or sexual feelings. He said it. So it's impossible. How must it feel to not have it?

He moves, reaching his phone in the side table. He activates it and searches: 

How does a person who has no romantic or sexual attraction feel?

An individual who can't feel sexual or romantic attraction is usually called asexual and aromantic, also known as aroace. And they can have a fulfilled and healthy life without these feelings. 

Asexual individuals can often focus on building deep, meaningful friendships and platonic relationships with others. 

Meaningful friendship. Is that what they are? Is that how Viktor feels? He should ask him. Yes. His phone pings, a notification popping in the top of the screen and interrupting his thinking. It's from Matchinery.

“Jayce…”

The voice makes him smile. He forgets the phone and turns to the door. Viktor is back. “Coffee is ready. Come along.” 

He jumps from the bed immediately and Viktor laughs rough and precious. “You sure have energy.”

His smile grows and he meets Viktor at the door. The other man holds his hand out to him and Jayce slides his hand on his. And he's being moved again. Viktor keeps doing it, holding his hand and moving him around. He loves it, but can't help but think he never holds hands with his other friends. But then there's friendships and friendships. It doesn't matter if it's different. Actually it does, because it's good. 

They pass through the living room, and get to the kitchen. The little table is made, there's bread, and two colored mugs. 

“Take a seat.” Viktor says and he does. “Are you okay with brewed coffee? I don't have a coffee maker."

Oh. So it means he really did it. He stares at him surprised and Viktor looks expectantly back. “Yes, I love it. I actually think it's better than the one from the machine.”

“Yes? Me too.” He takes the black thermos over the table and serves Jayce's mug. It's blue. “Oh, it reminds me of the shop.” Viktor says, his smiles making everything bright. 

It does, except there's only the two of them, and Viktor is sitting with him. He smiles. “Its better than that time.”

Viktor hums, the smiles not leaving his face. He makes himself comfortable in the chair and serves some coffee to himself too. 

“There's some cookies too if you don't want bread. I'm sorry I don't have any fruit, I need to go grocery shopping soon.” 

Jayce sips the coffee and makes a face, it's pure. 

“Oh, I'm sorry I didn't put any sugar because I didn't know how much would be alright. I thought you would prefer to do it yourself.”

“No, I should have asked.” He takes the pot of sugar, and sweets it. Then he takes a new sip and smiles. Now yes.

Viktor observes him. “Better?” 

He nods vehemently. He sips a bit more and reaches for the bread. He puts some butter and realizes Viktor keeps staring at him, as their eyes meet he asks: All fine?

“Yes, I'm just happy you are here.”

Ah. It makes him even more happy. 

He watches as Viktor sips his coffee. Not touching the bread. “You should eat too.” He says and the long hands move right away, taking the bread too. 

He wants to ask for it, what he feels, but still ends up saying: You said you wanted to talk about something. 

And Viktor stares at him again, chewing slowly. He swallows and shakes his head. “Oh, not today. Today I only want to think about the good things.”

Okay. But they really need to have this conversation. He wants to know what's happening in his life, even if it's bad, he wants to help, or at least to be there for him. He reaches a hand and touches Viktor's hand lightly. 

“Ok, but I'm here.”

And Viktor smiles deeply, so pretty, filling his heart with warmth. “I know. And I'm here too.” His long hand moves, getting hold of his hand. 

They keep eating and sipping their coffees, but don't let go. 

Jayce considers that day, one of the best days of his life. And it's just absurd, all they did was hug, sleep, eat together, then watch something on tv. He doesn't remember much of what they saw, some kind of documentary about marine life? What he does remember was that they sat side by side, and as the time went by Viktor started to lay on him, making him all warm and his mind dizzy. 

So he thought they could make it even better, he grabbed a cushion, and put it over his lap. And somehow the other man got it. Moving and laying there. His hair sprawled around it. 

He had to ask for it, of course. “Can I touch your hair?”

“Yes.”

His hair was very soft, he loved the feeling of his fingers sliding through it. He caressed very slowly, enjoying the feeling. And when his fingers touched his scalp Viktor hummed, eyes falling close. 

“When do you plan on going grocery shopping?”

“Probably on the weekend, maybe I will order it. I don't like markets and I also can't carry much. Well, at least the fruit and vegetables I should buy in person.”

“Would you like me to go with you?”

And he turned up, eyes opening and staring softly at him, gold because of the light. The smile came slowly, calm and without hurry. “That would be great.”

It was past afternoon, but he felt like staring at the morning sun.

They stayed like that for a while, staring at each other, surrounded by that blessing of warmth. 

When it was time to leave he didn't want to go. But he was sure that staying the night would be too much. They hugged before parting, and he thought Viktor seemed like he didn't want to let him go too. 

The next day he slept in, and he enjoyed it. In the afternoon they texted and set up the time to meet on saturday. He's looking forward to this, in fact he can't wait to see him again. 

So it's only on friday when he's checking his email in the subway on his way to work that he sees the email from Matchinery. Oh, yes, of course, he ignored the notification that day and also totally forgot he has to cancel his account. The email is a notification of a new match.

He opens it.

Matchinery Successfully

Deep greetings, Jayce.

In the far lengths of the realm of possibilities, your elements meet another's, merging and connecting. And that's how you materialize your mate. 

Your matchinery was successful. Click here to meet them. 

Huh. He's not interested in any match anymore. No, he will just cancel it. He gets to the site, and his screen glows, the soil burned changes slowly, from the deepness something comes to life, green growing all around, then a plant starts to grow, taking the shape of a tree. Oh, he already knows what it is, he has been waiting for it. That's what he wanted from the first moment he got in this app. Yes, a tree in the shape of lovers stands becoming his background. 

Your matchinery partner is SugarPie831.

Oh.

As he gets to work, he wonders about it. 

The best combination would be with someone with the same element as you.

That's what Viktor said. He knows it's theory and also that he can't trust people online, but Ekko seemed to be a really nice person, and online people are just people, good and... terrible. 

It could have been Viktor on the other side. Unfortunately it's not. Because he would never use a dating app. He must mean he doesn't date, right? Because he can't feel it. Yes. Doesn't matter how much Jayce wants to believe it will be enough, he's not sure. 

But he also doesn't want to meet other people. He loves Viktor. And it pisses him off that he can't be this person. His match. And realizes he has to really stop it. Because it will never happen. He won't ever get those feelings. Even if he loves him too. It's not the same way, he will never want to kiss, and marry and share a life with him. And it's the second time this week he's crying at his workplace. 

Chapter Text

He's very confused. And don't really know what to think, what to do. When he's with Viktor, like now, moving around the greengrocer, choosing fruits and vegetables, he feels like he has all he needs. Can't he just be happy with a best friend? Can't this be enough? Right now he thinks that yes, he can. This seems very easy. But he also realized that when they aren't together, his mind is filled with these thoughts and worries. He's afraid of wanting more. Because he does want more. That's the truth. He wants a partner, someone to share his life. Living together and taking care of each other. 

Could they live together? Would Viktor want it? There he goes again, dreaming things that sure are impossible. And even if Viktor wants to live with him, what about it? He wouldn't want to kiss and be intimate like that. He wouldn't ever want this.

“Jayce, what's wrong?”

Ah, he has let his mind take him away again. It has been happening a lot recently. Their eyes meet and Viktor is staring concerned at him. “Ah, it's nothing, I just got distracted for a moment.” 

And the other man steps towards him. “We don't need to do it if you don't feel well.”

He shakes his head. “No, I want to spend the day with you.” 

Viktor's eyes get attentive now, for a moment it seems like he's studying him. He puffs, and his hand reaches for him. Jayce grabs at his hand immediately, feeling that way again. Like it's enough.

And Viktor smiles softly, it's just a little shine, because he still seems concerned. “Let's wrap it up and get back home. So I can hold you till you feel better.”

Ah, he wants to say it's not necessary, but since wednesday he has been feeling like this, like he needs Viktor close. He wanted to go see him all day yesterday, and cried more than once alone in the bathroom. He knows that if he had texted and asked Viktor, he would have taken care of him. But he also felt like he would have broken down in front of him, and he's trying not to. He's a grown old man, and he's not sure why he's acting like this, crying for no reason to be honest. Nothing bad is happening. 

But you can cry if things are good too, right? And also if you wish things would get even better? 

They move, holding hands and it works because he's the one holding the basket, so Viktor can grab things and they don't need to let go. 

He thinks he's feeling bad because he doesn't want to feel bad. If it even makes sense. He doesn't want to ask for more. He wants to be satisfied with this. And he's while their hands are linked. It's so odd. 

He watches Viktor take a mango and smell it, he smiles, humming, how unusual. That's something he realized from the start, he just smiles at him. But not to other people, not even to be educated. He also is tense most of the time. “It smells good. I believe it's sweet. Here.”

He gets very close now, bringing the mango close to Jayce's nose. He seems relaxed when they are close. Jayce smiles, sniffling it. Oh, it smells sweet. 

“Good, right?” 

He nods. “Lets buy some, so we can share later?”

“Yes.”

And Viktor's smile grows. He puts the mango in the plastic bag, then another. He ties it up and puts it in the basket. They got tomatoes, onions, some garlic, lettuce, caress, grapes, potatoes and strawberries. “Did you know mangos have more c vitamins than oranges?”

No, he didn't know that. “Really?”

“Huhum. And they taste better.”

When they are at  the cashier, and Viktor has to let his hand go to pay, he can see how he tenses again. He talks with the attendant only when she asks him something. 

“Do you have our shop’s card, Sir?” She asks. 

“No.” He doesn't meet her eyes. 

“You could acquire one, it takes no time. If you have our card you can have exclusive discounts. And there's no annual fee.”

“I don't think I need a card.”

“Are you sure? It takes no time. All we need is your ID and a proof of address, you see.”

“I don't think I need a card.” He repeats, same cadence. He's getting more tense. 

“If you get a card it would make your next shopping very easy and…” She's passing the products very slowly. 

“We don't want a card.” Jayce says clearly and she stares at him, face getting red. 

“Oh, right.” She passes the last item. “Would you like to buy an eco bag?”

“No, we brought ours.” Viktor says now, and she can see the bag, everyone can, Jayce guesses she is just saying the script, probably she's obligated to say all this and insist people buy things and get a card. She probably will get a better pay, so he can't really get mad, but it bothers him anyway. 

As they move to the other end of the cashier, he takes the bag out of Viktor's arm, opens it and while Viktor pays, he puts the groceries inside.

When it's done, he grabs the bag with one hand and holds his other out for him. Viktor takes his hand and they walk out that way. Today Viktor is not using the cane, but he limps more than usual. They are close to his building when he says: thank you. 

And as Jayce stares at him. “I got a bit out of sorts there.”

“I got you.”

Viktor smiles. It's a sunny morning, but it can't compare. “Yes, you do.”

While they get in the building, his phone pings and he remembers he hasn't contacted his new match, he didn't even see their profile. And he feels kind of guilty for not having gotten out of the app as he said he would. He's not sure what to do.

Yesterday when he got home he had many questions on his mind. Would a match of the same element really be the better match? He wanted a person like him before, but now that he met Viktor, someone who is not similar to him, he's not sure if he wants it anymore. 

He searched in Ogglee: same element match in Matchinery.

The same element match in Matchinery is considered to be the Goal Match in the app, many people subscribe in the hopes they will find someone that is exactly like them, a soulmate, a significant other that will want the same in life and…

There were images of course and he clicked to see it. 

It was beautiful, there were prints of the app of all the elements matching its equals. There was water taking the shape of a couple, and fire and air. But it gave him a strange feeling.

The moment they get inside and he puts the eco bag over the table, Viktor says: come here. 

He goes, and Viktor stares at him for a moment, concerned again, before wrapping his arms around him. It's always immediate, the feeling spreading through him, flowing, warm and so deeply good. 

“Can I ask you something?” He asks, his face close to Viktor's neck, he's using his hair in a little ponytail today. 

“Of course.”

He readies himself. “Why the same elements matches are the ones to have couples forms?”

“Is that what was making you sad?”

He worries. Not really, but also kind of? “I was just wondering.”

“I see. Are you still using the app? Did you get a new match?”

He worries more. “Yes, I… I’m sorry, I know I said I would get out of it, but…”

“Oh, no Jayce, I’m the one who is sorry.”

What?

He pulls away, only so he can stare at him and Viktor gives him a little smile, it doesn't reach his eyes, doesn't have any shine, he seems regretful? Jayce hates it.

“I shouldn't have said that to you. I realized I was just so worried about you that I let myself act in an illogical way. Even if you don't use the app, that’s not the issue, you can meet people in real life, and the person can turn out to be a treat. It's impossible to protect you from it.” He says, his hands playing with Jayce's shirt. He's nervous.

Oh. 

“Would you like to take a seat?”

Viktor nods, and Jayce takes hold of his hand, guiding him to the living room. They sit at the couch side by side, hands still linked.

“All the matches can reach that form. Eventually. It's based on compatibility, but it can grow with time. The longer the match lasts the better the development. The couple's shape, as you call it, takes form when the match reaches at least 80% of compatibility. You see, I have been thinking about it too.” Viktor says, and he seems more sad.

“You have?”

Viktor nods. “I was thinking about how that person was able to get so many matches, he sure must have manipulated it, that's a big issue of my creation, people can lie and the matches will be damaged by it. But it's also something that happens in any dating application. Even if it makes me feel sad, I understand it's not my fault and that I have no control of other people's behavior.”

Jayce nods. “So you don't plan to put it down?”

Their eyes meet again. “You were right.”

He's confused now. “About what?”

“I didn't want to admit this truth, but this project is dear to me.” His cheeks get some color. He looks so pretty that Jayce wants to kiss him.

 “I also thought about you.”

And Jayce feels his face get warm. “Yes?”

“About the fact you had more than one match in such a short period. This new one, what is the element?” 

Is it not normal? Well, he remembers Ekko said they have been waiting for a year or so. 

“Earth.”

Viktor seems to process the information. “You got all the elements in a short period of time, and it seemed all the people were very different. I can't speak about this new one, but your matches didn't seem to match you. It can be another error in the programmation, but I have been wondering. What did you put in your ideal mate?”

He can't remember. The form was very long, with questions about so many details. When he thinks about an ideal mate, only Viktor comes to mind.

“I don't know. I can't remember.” He says and Viktor hums. 

“Would it be alright if I take a look?” 

He takes his phone out of his pocket, and activates it without letting go of his hand. He gets in the app and the image of the lovers tree greets him. Viktor gets close, his warmth coming off him.

“Oh. It's really pretty, I have almost forgotten it.” Viktor says. 

“Yes.” He breathes.  “Where can I find it?”

“In the configuration. You can even edit it, but if you do, your account will be frozen for a while, you can't just change the Fundamental Foundation easily. But we do allow gender changes in a click.”

Jayce smiles. He taps in the little gear turning on the top of the screen. 

There's:  Prolife, My Account, Dissolving Matchinery, Payment Information, and Fundamental Foundation."

He taps there and the long form pops up. 

“Roll it, please.”

He does, he rolls the page, moving through the questions. They find it. 

How Would You Describe Your Ideal Mate?

He wrote: I don't have a preference. 

“Jayce!” 

He stares at him and Viktor seems flabbergasted. “You don't have a preference?”

“I thought I should let my options open?” He says, helplessly.

And Viktor takes a deep breath, then he smiles softly, it's like a little ray of sun. “Jayce, that away you will get practically anyone. You don't see the problem? Not all people can match you.”

Ah, that's true.

“In fact I believe few people would match you. You have to describe the kind of people you want to meet properly and you also…” He takes the phone from him with his free hand and rolls the screen. 

He stops and shows it to him. 

What are your expectations from a relationship?

He wrote: To find someone who wants to be in a relationship and grow old with them.

“You see, the more specific you are, the better the Craft will work in your favor. If you put just “relationship”, you will even reach people that just date for sexual reasons. But that's not what you want, right?”

No. He would hate to date a person just for sex. He shakes his head. 

Viktor nods. “So I guessed right. For this to work better you will have to think exactly what you want and write it down, like that day we talked, you said it clearly. If this match is not of your liking, you should consider editing your Foundation."

He sees. And he also realizes he was really right, Viktor really loves this app and talking about it. His face is kind of glowing. He wants to see more of it. “Would you explain a bit more? There's a way to avoid weird people, somehow?”

He can see how it surprises him, but also the shine on his eyes. “Actually I have been working on it, but…” he rolls the page and shows it to him again. “Here.”

There's Any Concerning Topics Or Events That Triggers You? 

He wrote “no”, because he didn't know what to write.

“That's where people can write about traumas and any other issue they have and that must be approached with caution. Again we can't do much if people lie in the form, but the Craft will try to match a person with someone that seems to be more adequate.”

Oh. He didn't know what. 

“What's the Craft?”

Viktor smiles big, eyes shining, he seems so proud, completely breathtaking. “It’s my AI. And it works better with proper information. See. You could put in your form, for example, that you don't like to be sexualized. Is that right?”

He nods. “Yes.” 

Wait. “There's people that like it? I mean people who would write it there to get treated like that?”

Viktor has a serene face when he says: There are all kinds of people out there, Jayce. And they are interested in different kinds of dating and relationships. And I have had to take everything into consideration, so this could work for any person. Or, close to it. 

This seems so complex. Dating. People. But he guesses that's how life is. 

“Will you meet this person?” Viktor asks and Jayce meets his eyes again. He seems a bit nervous again. 

“I think I should at least give it a try?”

“You should do whatever you want. There's no right or wrong on this. Just…” Viktor squeezes his hand with care. “Take care.” 

After that they wash the fruits and vegetables, dry them and put them in the refrigerator. Vitkor cooks for him, something simple, pasta, mashed potatoes and sausage. Even if it's simple, it's delicious. Then they eat the mangoes. It's really sweet. And Viktor smiles with lips covered in yellow líquid. 

He goes home and gets on the app again. As he does he realizes he got a message in the chat. 

“Hello, Hopeless Guy. 

I'm Sugar Pie. Seems like we match. How are you?”

Before answering he goes to their profile. 

She's 28 years old. There's no picture. 

“I'm a girl who loves life, searching for someone to share it.” 

It's kind of cute. He goes back to the chat and texts.

“Hello. I'm great. How about you? Yes, we match.”

And he gets an answer right away.

“I'm great too. Would it be alright if we talk for a while before meeting?”

Oh, she thinks the same he did the first time he got a match. He smiles. 

“Yes, I would like it too.”

“Is the information on your profile true? Are you 30? I see you have no picture, but it turns out people with pictures aren't very trustful.”

“Yes, I'm 30. Have you had a bad experience with matches?”

“I just got one match before this one, many months ago. This got me by surprise actually. It wasn't bad, the guy just never showed up.”

Oh, it's the same that happened to him. How odd. 

“It happened to me too. This woman asked me out, but didn't come at all. She didn't even apologize."

Is it right if he talks about it? About his other matches? Well, he's talking about things that involve him. 

“Ouch, how rude. He did apologize, he said he was actually not interested in dating, he was doing it because of his family pressure.”

Oh. He didn't know this kind of thing happened in online dating too, but it makes sense. Could it be that he was like Viktor? Maybe he didn't have romantic feelings and his family was forcing him anyway. That 's sad. Does Viktor feel pressured? There's so much he wants to know about him.

She's easy to talk, he knows it can be easier to interact through text than in person for some. He wonders how it will be when they meet. 

On Sunday he texts more with her and with Vitkor. 

Viktor asks how he's feeling and if he would be able to meet with him on Tuesday, for lunch since he will be in the area, he says he has to go to the doctor. He agrees of course. He will meet with him on his lunch break. 

He learns a bit more about Sugar Pie, well, they don't talk much about really personal topics, he has a feeling she's like him on this too. But he learns she likes to be romanced, but not treated as inferior, and that she would like for the first date to be in a place with people around. What he clearly agrees with. 

He cleans his place, washes his clothes and works out. And he feels good. He likes to move his body, it helps him to deal with stress sometimes. Of course nothing compares to Viktor's hugs. When he finishes and is showered, he gets in the group chat and sends: Still alive. 

And gets a series of heart emojis from his trouble. Then he texts: And I'm also in love.

SPILL IT

It's Vi of course, and then they are video calling him, and he sits, accepting it.

On tuesday he and Viktor meet in the coffee shop. He gets there a bit early, he can't help it, and waits for him, this time on his old table close to the windows. Jinx comes to get his order and he tells her he's waiting for Viktor. She gets animated and gives him a thumbs up that he's not sure what it means. 

Viktor gets there in time. He's using jeans and a black shirt. His hair is down, but combed to the back of his head. He has the cane, and smiles at him. Beating the midday sun. 

“Jayce, good afternoon.”

“Hey.”

He sits and Jayce asks: was your appointment okay? You aren't sick, are you?

He has been worrying about it. He shakes his head. “No. I just have been getting more pain lately. I believe it's due to stress, but also I'm getting old. I’ll start on physiotherapy again this week.”

Oh. They have talked about it briefly and Viktor told him he got polio when a kid, it left him with sequelae. He wants to ask more about it, but didn't find the right time yet. 

“Look who's here, the employee of the month.” A silly voice says and they turn to Jinx. She smiles at Viktor, it's clear she likes him. “You doing better, dude?” 

“Oh, hello, Jinx. I'm quite fine, what about you?” 

“The same, you know, the world is ending, but we have to pay the bills. So, what can I getcha?” 

As he stares at Viktor, he meets his eyes. “What will you be getting?” He asks and Jayce only stares at him.  It's just absurd how he missed him. Vi said he should tell him, but Cait said maybe he should make sure its worth to risk a friendship. She's right, he doesn't know what he will do without Viktor on his life.

“Earth to lovebird?”

Eh? Oh, he gets back to himself, and stares at her, and she's smirking, for what reason? He has no clue. “Oh, I will be getting the usual.”

“I will want the same.” Viktor says and their eyes meet again. The other man smiles at him, bright and Jayce can't do anything but smile back. 

“Gotcha, be back soon.” She says and they keep staring at each other. He doesn't know what is happening today, he just can't stop it. 

“Is everything okay at work?” 

He nods, feeling relaxed and… happy. Yes, he's happy he can see Viktor. “We are having an easy week. Oh, I got some personalized bookmarks, they are made of tissue, it's really detailed work. I was wondering if you wouldn't want some?”

“Bookmarks?” 

He knows Viktor loves to read too. They even know each other's favorite books. His is 'This Is How You Lose the Time War'. And Viktor's is 'L'Odalisque et l'éléphant'. It surprised him a bit because from what Jayce searched it's a story about soulmates that can't even be together unless they recognize each other in every life they have.

As he takes his phone and shows the pictures of the bookmark to him, Viktor's face showing interest, he thinks about impossible soulmates and others lives. Would it be possible in another life? Another universe? Why not in this one?

“I want it too.” Viktor says and Jayce is taken with his guard down. Their eyes meet again and for a moment he forgets they were talking about bookmarks because Viktor is staring deeply at him. They get trapped and it feels very much as if all that exists are the two of them.

“Here we go.” It's Jinx's voice that brings him back. He blinks and Viktor stares curiously at him, he seems kind of surprised?

Jayce looks at her while she puts their orders on the table. “Thanks.” He says and she makes a face. “I didn't mean to ruin the mood, I swear.” She says. What mood? 

And she's gone before he can ask about it. 

“What did she say?” Viktor asks. 

“Something about ruining the mood.”

“What mood?”

“That’s what I was wondering too.” He laughs and Viktor smiles again. He seems very happy today. 

They sip their coffees and start to eat their pies. It's warm, melting in his mouth.

“How is your match going?” Viktor asks, his eyes on the windows. 

“She seems very nice. We are planning to meet on friday."

“I see. Will it be here?”

He would like for it to be, but she will be the one choosing the place. She asked for it and he agreed.  She's a woman, the world is much more dangerous to her. 

“No. She will pick the place.” 

Viktor hums, eyes moving and finding him again. “I hope everything works perfectly.” He says, but for some reason he seems a bit sad. Like that joy of a moment ago is fading. 

“Me too.” 

****

He has read about it many times, and seen it in the movies too. A guy goes on a date, he worries it will not go well, that he will be losing his time again, love never works for him. Then he sees her, she's perfect, takes his breath away. As their eyes meet they both sigh, eyes shining. It's happening right now, except for his reaction. 

She's exactly how he imagined a romantic interest should be, well, it was before. She has a round face, bright eyes, hair dark as night. There's something about the way she walks, something fluid in her moves, and a fluttering energy. She reaches the table recognizing him because he said he would bring a book with a blue cover. 

She sighs again as she gets close. And people around them stare at her. At they both actually. Before she got here, some of them had hit on him, so he was feeling kind of bad, thinking about leaving and calling this off. She doesn't look at him that way, she looks at him as if he's a dream, special. Very much like Viktor looks at him. Except he knows Viktor would never have romantic feelings for him.

It's a shame, really, he's sure that if it was just some weeks ago this could really have worked. “Hopeless Guy?”

He nods. Yes. It's true, isn't it? He's really hopeless. 

“Sugar Pie?” He stands, very educated, holding the book against his chest, and remembers that she said she likes to be romanced. He likes to romance, to take care, carry bags, open doors, hold hands…

She nods and sits. “You have good taste in books. I'm starting to feel pretty lucky.”

He smiles, sitting again. “Do you like books?”

She smiles back, and she gets even more pretty like this, yes, but this smile has no effect on him. “I love them. I can’t help but get more and more, even if I know many will be unread on my bookshelf. I wish to be able to read all of them.” 

He has the same feelings. “Me too. What's your favorite book?” He asks and makes a signal for the attendant. The ones here aren't as nice as the ones from the coffee shop. 

“Where did you go Bernadette?” 

Oh, he gets genuinely surprised.  “Not a romantic book?”

She smiles again. “No, but it's about love.”

He knows, he has read this one. He loves it too. “It’s a great book.” 

And the attendant comes. “Ready to order?” It's a blond guy, chewing gum.

He took a look at the menu while waiting. He turns to her. “What would you like?”

“A soda and some fries.”

He nods. “I will be having the same.” 

They talked more about themselves, about their lives and expectations. Her name was Danielle. They ate the fries, drank the sodas, and at the end of the night, he said to her it was a pleasure, but that it would not work for him, she understood, they shook hands and he got on the subway. 

He feels weird, head dizzy.

“Jayce?”

He wasn't expecting to see him today, but the moment his eyes land on him he feels exactly what he should have felt on that date, his heart beats fast, and he sighs, smiling dreamily at him. And for his trouble Viktor smiles back, bright, his particular sun in the subway, eyes full of joy.

He's wearing a suit again, hair tied up in a ponytail, oh, yeah, he said he had a compromise today too. He looks so perfect in a suit. He walks to him, the cane making a thud sound, and sits at his side. 

“Are you coming back from your date?”

He nods, still staring at him.

“How was it?” He can see he's worried, his hand scratching the pants. 

And he should say it was perfect and that it's clear she is not a psycho, or murder, well, at least he doesn't think so. But something takes over him. 

“I hated it.”

“Oh, I'm sorry, Jayce.” The hazel eyes stare concerned at him. “Did she treat you badly?” 

He shakes his head. “No, she was really nice, and I think that was the perfect date.”

Viktor blinks at him, clearly confused. “I don't follow, you said you hated it.”

He nods. He really would love to kiss him right now. “Why did you hate it?”

“Because I wanted it to be you.” It sounds painful even to his ears. He doesn't want to ruin things, he doesn't to lose him, he just can't help it.

And as Viktor doesn't say anything, just stares at him, he keeps going. “I know it's not right, because you are my friend, and you should not feel like this about your friends, and also… I… I'm conscious it's impossible because you don't have this kind of feelings, and you would never date me, but…”

“No, I would.”

Wait. What? He heard wrong. Yes, he's imagining things.

“What did you say?” 

The subway is stopping, and Viktor says very calmly: would you like to come to my place?

They get to his home, and walk in silence to the living room, no holding hands. From the station to here all he wanted was to hold his hand, but he's afraid to be getting this wrong. Because there's no way. 

They sit and stare at each other. 

“I said I would date you.” Viktor says, tone very softly.

And Jayce blinks at him. What!?

“But you are aroace.”

“Aroace.” Viktor repeats. “You have done some research?”

Oh. He feels his face burn in embarrassment. “I’m sorry, I just wanted to understand you.”

Viktor smiles, that ray of sun reaching him. “I'm glad. Yes, I'm aroace. But that doesn't mean I can't date.”

He doesn't understand. “You said it was impossible for you to use the app.”

And Viktor's expression changes to realization. “Oh, I see, well, it's really impossible because I can't see a point in searching for partners or dates. But I have told you people can date for many reasons, haven't I?”

Yes, he did. He nods. 

“You see, it's quite simple. I would date you if it would make you happy.”

“Viktor, what are you…”

“I want to make you happy, that's all I want, and I have considered this possibility more than once, since I got afraid you won't get a proper match, but I'm also aware I would not be a good match at all, because you sure want things I can't give you.” He says and Jayce gets more and more confused. 

He tries to make sense of it. “You would date me to make me happy, but not because you have feelings for me, right? It would be a friend thing?”

And Viktor seems to reflect.

“Hum, I know friends can date each other, to help in situations, fake relationships of sorts, but I didn't think of it like that, I can't fake things. And I do have feelings for you, I have told you I love you.”

His words make him feel all warm, but still.

“As a friend.” Jayce insists. 

“I don't think so? I also don't think it's a romantic feeling, but… I'm trying to think of a way to explain…”

Jayce waits, feeling restless.

“If I could… I would like to hold you forever. Is it what friends feel for each other?”

As he says it, Jayce sees the image of the lovers tree on his mind, that perpetual embrace. 

“You would like to hold me forever?” 

Viktor nods, face getting color. “Yes, but I know you will want more than a hug, isn't that right? So you probably should search for someone that can really match you.”

“I don't want someone else, I want you.”

His face gets more pink. “I see. Would a hug be enough?”

Would it? He stares at his face, he seems so pretty with his cheeks pink, and he's staring at him with soft eyes. His eyes fall on his thin lips.

“Kiss.” He breathes the word.

“What?” 

He meets his eyes again.

“Would a kiss be possible?” 

He sees as Viktor reflects. “A kiss? Ah, you mean a kiss on the lips, right?”

And Jayce can't feel his own face at all. He nods feeling out of it.

“I don't know, I haven't thought about it. Huh, I don't think I would be against trying. But Jayce… I don't want to make you feel bad if I don't like it. You need to know that I don't want to hurt your feelings in any way. As I said I can't fake things, I will not be able to pretend as other people do.”

And Jayce smiles big and deeply. “That’s good, because I don't want you to pretend.”

“Okay?”

Jayce gets close to him, well, they are already sitting very close. This has been like this from the start. They also have been hugging and holding hands and they even slept together. Wait. Are they already dating? 

He sees how Viktor gets nervous, staring at him with those pretty eyes of his. Jayce moves his hand slowly. “Can I touch your face?” 

Viktor gives a little nod. 

Jayce's breath gets deep now, his heart beating really fast as his hand lands on that sculpted cheek. And Viktor keeps staring at him, as if he doesn't know what to do. 

Jayce caresses his face and he sees as Viktor's eyes relax, getting soft and the smile shines at him. It feels so good, so right, his skin is warm, the warmth spreading through his hand, and reaching all his body. 

“Can I kiss you?” 

“You wouldn't hate me if I don't like it?”

He almost laughs now. He shakes his head. “I could never hate you.”

He waits for the nod, and as Viktor does, he moves, and touches his lips on his, it's just a brush of skin, but he sighs, dear lord, it feels transcending, his chest leaking, flowing as if they are hugging. And he can see in full time as those eyes grow in surprise. 

As he pulls away, Viktor stares dumbfounded at him. “Oh.”

“Do you hate it?”

He shakes his head, eyes falling on his lips now. “No. That was… I didn't know it could feel like this. I don't think I will like the other kind, but this…” He touches his own lips with his long fingers. “I wouldn't mind… I… can I kiss you too?”

The other kind? Does he mean the kiss using tongue, open mouthed? 

“Yes, please.”

Viktor smiles, moving towards him, Jayce realizes he's better at this than him. What's a very welcome surprise. 

Viktor brushes his lips on his very softly, then presses his lips to his once, twice, soft perfect pecks that make him melt, then he brushes again, eyes very attentive on him. When he pulls away, he says: your lips are so soft. And I like the face you are making.

“What… what face I'm making?”

“Happy face? If I knew it was all you needed to make this face I would have kissed you before.”

He feels his face burn hard. He feels absurdly happy. 

Viktor blinks at him. “Jayce… this face right now, I wish you could always be like this. I… I'm going to hold you.”

And he does, he wraps his arms around him, their body getting really close, and Jayce embraces back, feeling all warm and blessed out. “I love you.” He breathes on his shoulder. 

“I already know that, Jayce.” 

Yes, of course. He waits, smelling him, he smells so good. But Viktor doesn't say anything more.

“Wouldn't you say it back?”

“Why?”

Eh?

“What do you mean why?”

“Well, you already know it too.”

Ah. “It's just the expected, when someone tells you they love you, and you love them too, you say it back.”

“Why would that be?” 

“I don't know…” Hum, he guesses it's alright. He does know. 

“Would it make you happy?”

Yes. “Yes.”

He feels his smiles on his neck.

“I love you too.”

Chapter Text

He believes that life would be much more bearable if it came with a setup program. With a series of steps one should take for things to work properly. He understands he's different from other people, that things people find usually easy and natural, are a struggle for him. But he also knows there are complex things he's able to understand that other people don't. In the end, everyone has difficulties and problems. He can understand that much, but it still doesn't make it easy for him.

All his life he had many problems, health problems, cognitive problems, problems that were deeply affected by the fact that his family had financial problems. 

Money is easy to understand, it's an exchange. It's simple, functional. Money is very fundamental in dealing with problems. But it sure would be much better if you didn't need it at all. 

Despite all this, these aren't his big problem. He could say that his cognitive problem is the major problem since it's the reason he has this other problem. There's no denying it. However there's a limit for what he can fix on the cognitive aspect. He can't change his brain. He can only adapt, do some exercises, some aspects can be improved, but mostly he's what he's. 

He does believe he can fix his big problem. The problem is his interpersonality. 

For years he lived like this. It was only in his adult life he realized he had a problem in fact. Because he wronged someone. She was a very nice person, a kind soul, to whom he never wanted to do wrong. Since then he has been trying to put more attention on others, seeing how his actions can affect them. It's not as if he didn't care before, it's just hard for him to be aware of other people. Or of their problems to be exact. 

He has reflected on that matter and has come to the conclusion that it's because his mind is always trying to work through things, because there's many things he has to do and its focus is on it. 

His days usually go like this: wake up, brush teeth, relieve yourself, wash hands, take your medicine, eat, we should clean, so much pain, take more medicine, shower, get dressed up, sit at your computer, start to programmate… 

Well, it was when he had the rights to programmate of course. Before he was wronged. As he can’t programmate anymore, he gets uneasy, shaken, and has to hug himself more than once.  Those bastards. They took what was his. He spent the last years working on this project for it to be taken away from him like nothing. 

Well, It's not like it's that important. It's just a dating app, yes, dating, he doesn't even care about dating. Even if he has a hyperfixation in human connection. He did his major in Social Anthropology and also in Programmation. 

He knows he doesn't need to have a personal reason, a professional and financial reason is enough. One can be mad and sad because of professional and financial matters. It doesn't need to be something close to his heart. Except his heart does hurt because of it. Sure it must be because of all the time put onto it.

But he can't stay like this. He knows what he needs, a new routine. 

Should he search for programmation jobs? It wouldn't work. He has tried to work on other projects, but it feels wrong, and he made so many mistakes he was close to having a meltdown. He knows his limits. 

Maybe he should find another kind of work. Yes. That would be the better option. But he has no idea what he could do. For years he did the same thing everyday. As he can't think of anything he could work instead… he goes read a book and tries to live on.

On Tuesday, he has to go to court, it's his third court hearing. 

He wakes up, brushes his teeth, relieves himself, washes his hands, takes his medicine, eats, cleans since he's not in pain, showers, puts on a suit.

He doesn't like the court, it's loud, and the energy there is too heavy. To make it worse he has to face that man, it doesn't matter if they aren't close, just to be in the same space with him is enough. He feels sick every time he steps there. But there's no other way. He has to fight for what is his. He's been trying to prove he created Matchinery before Hexcorp registered it. The original site was programmed in a different computer, different IP, one he doesn't have anymore. He should have kept that. 

It's his fault, he knows. He should have thought about it. He was just so immersed in his project, and when Hexcorp came to him offering the chance to expand his concept, he accepted it. He didn't expect them to take it from him. 

He is trying to accept the fact that it's not just a project. At first he thought he wouldn't have a chance at all in court, because of how the law for patents works. Who registered first has it. He wanted to try anyway, he couldn't just accept it. 

It was his lawyer that pointed it to him. She took a look at the site and said: there's a narrative in it. 

Well, yes. 

“The narrative surely came before the programmation. Isn't that right?” 

Yes. “So it's not a patent dispute. You are an author Viktor, which means you have inalienable rights over it.  Even if you had signed a contract saying you give it to them that wouldn't have value, because they can't take it away from you. Your authorial creation belongs to you.”

Oh, he didn't know that. An author? He didn't see himself like that at all. But what was important is what she said: they can't take it away from you.

It filled him with hope. Maybe it wasn't impossible.

After the hearing, he and his lawyer go to a coffee shop nearby. It's almost empty and it's like she chose it on purpose. She has a strong energy, he believes it's bursting out of her because she's pregnant. At first he won't pick her, but something said he should. He needs someone to beat them, but there's a chance she will get in labor before it. 

They get a table close to the windows. It doesn't take much and a girl with blue hair reaches them. “Hello, guys, I'm Jinx, what can I getcha?”

Guys? Oh, yes, informal talking.

“Water with lemon.” His lawyer says, very calmly. 

And as the girl stares at him, Viktor tries to meet her eyes, it's not easy for him. He averts his eyes and says: Good morning. I would like a coffee with a drop of milk. 

Even if he doesn't look at her, he can feel it. She's nice, different from his lawyer, that is not a bad person at all, but her upfront energy is like a shield, this girl has easy energy. 

“Gotcha, be right back.”

He is not a fan of informal language, but he kind of likes it today.

As she goes his lawyer stares at him, he doesn't see it, but can feel her eyes on him. 

“Viktor, this can't go on like that. You were shaking again. We need to come clear with your neurodivergence, so we can ask for accommodations for your specific needs.” She says. 

He didn't want it, he wishes he could deal with court as any other person. 

“You think they will see you as weak because you are autistic, or that you are gaining some favor?”

No. He just is tired of having to ask for help. It was always the same, he needed help in high school, there was an assistant that stood by his side so he wouldn't disturb the class. Then in college, he couldn't deal with group projects and he almost failed it. When he forced himself to go with them, he had a series of meltdowns and had to be absent for a period, he had to explain to the heads of the course that he was a person with special needs. People don't like it, they usually find him strange, a bother, but when they find out he's autistic, they think he wants to be treated specially, he doesn't, he needs it. 

“I think I can manage.” He says, meeting her eyes. She's intense, and also she has a face that looks like it was designed by a perfectionist. He averts his eyes. 

She takes a deep breath, and the girl with the orders is back. Jinx, he remembers, he's good with names.

“Here you go.” She says and puts the coffee and water on the table. It's really a nice energy. 

“Thank you.” He says, catching her eyes for a moment and she gives him a half smile. 

As she is gone, his lawyer drinks her water, and takes a look at her phone. Her nails are gold, it's the only detail that seems to contrast with her polished appearance. As she puts the empty cup down she says: You want to win, Viktor?

He meets her eyes. Her stare cuts through him, it's almost unbearable, he nods and forces himself to hold it.

“To win, you have to be willing to do what's necessary. They are bigger than you financially, what you already know. I took your case because you have this spark and also seemed  honest. I don't like to be wrong. And I don't think I'm. But you must be ready to go for it.”

She's right. He should do whatever it takes. But also he really wishes he could do it this time, face that man on the same level. 

“You are right, Mrs Merdara.”

And she smiles now, but it's not a smile of happiness, it's a smile of conquest. Good, he wants her to conquer it. He must be victorious. He gets a feeling now staring at her. Something important will come from it. 

“I will make the accommodations." She says and he nods again. 

“Thank you.” He averts his eyes. He feels it on himself, her energy, she is a winner, and he's filled with it. That thrill, he's not used to it. He drinks his coffee to ease it. Eating helps. 

“I’ll be in contact. If you have any upgrade on the proof of antecedence, let me know. I really want to get a significant amount of money from that group.”

A proof of antecedence, he has to prove he sent his project, his creation to someone else before Hexcorp.

He nods, the coffee making him feel like himself again. It's not like that feeling wasn't good, it was, it's just not him. He doesn't like to mix with people. 

As he's alone he contemplates the place. He's working on it, he sent an email to her, it still causes pain on him that he caused pain on her, they still where educated to each other after that, she was still appreciative of his work and since he trusted her, she was the only person he sent the first version of the program. It's been years. He can't find the email. He doesn't believe she will have it, but maybe she can depose.

He watches as Jinx moves around the place, she seems to have a talent to talk with people. It seems easy. He wonders if he would ever be able to be like that. No, but sure he can improve? 

When the coffee is gone, he asks for the check and Jinx comes. He pays and thanks her for her service, tipping as one should and she says: Come again, dude. 

And wouldn't that be acceptable? That coffee was really good. This place is calm. 

As he's leaving, he sees the poster in the door. 

We're hiring!

Oh. He gets back inside and gets a job.

****

His new boss is a very calm and comprehensive person. He can feel it. Viktor tells him on the spot he has no experience and that he's autistic. The big man nods, seeming to reflect. 

“Why do you want this job?”

“I want to be useful, to be able to do a simple task, I want to improve myself.” Get out of my comfort zone, create a new routine. 

“I see. So it's not about money?” 

He shakes his head. He has been saving. He was very poor when he was young, so when he got his first programmation job, he started to save a little bit for emergencies, and then he just kept doing it. Till the point half of his money went to his savings account. 

“Okay, I think it would be better for you to start slow, just a few hours. Say four hours a day and just week days? You will be paid the same amount, of course.” 

Ah. “Maybe I should be paid less if I will be working less than the others?”

“You won't work less, you will work according to your limitations. If you think you can work more hours after the first month, then we can adapt to it.” 

He nods. 

“Does mornings work for you?”

“Yes.” 

“Can you start tomorrow?”

He can. He nods again.

“So, that's settled. Bring your documents with you.”

“Thank you, Sir. I will proceed as oriented.”

“You can call me Vander.”

He, of course, never calls him by his name. That would be unacceptable. Completely. He wouldn't know what to do if he treated his boss that informal way. But that's how his new routine starts.

Wake up, brush teeth, relieve yourself, wash hands, take medicine, eat, cleans when not in pain, shower, get dressed, go to work…

His boss puts Jinx to train him. And also they explain to him that he can use the deposit to, in his words, “vent out”. 

He wants to say he wouldn't need it, but he probably will. He knows himself. Even if he wishes he didn't need it, he knows he can't control his brain. 

In the first morning, they seal the contract and Jinx shows him the shop. 

The kitchen, where he meets the Chef. That's how they call him. Chef, no name, no any other information. So Viktor tries to not interact with him, because he sure can't call him Chef, can he? He will try if the time comes.

The countertop, where the pastries, bakeries, desserts, pies, breads, and sandwiches are put to show. There he meets another employee, a smiling man named Dean. Despite his smile, his energy is very neutral.

Then there's the tables. He starts to learn by cleaning them. Jinx says it is pretty simple, clean before the customers come in, cleans after they leave. It's important to keep the tables clean. 

He cleans the table and at the end she comes to take a look. 

“Good job, dude.” 

And he gives a little smile.

Then she shows him how to carry the tray in the right way, and he wonders, if he has a really bad day, if he would be able to do it while holding his cane. 

“I got the brain worm too.” Jinx says as she puts cups and plates on the empty tray and then supports it on her arm. 

He meets her eyes for a moment. He's having an easy time since they haven't opened yet. 

“I'm the fast overloaded brain, know what I mean? Yes?” 

He tries to think about it. The fast overloaded brain? Oh. “Do you mean ADHD?”

“Yup. So you see, you aren't the only one that uses the deposit. When I get frustrated I need to stay away from people.”

Ah. 

“I understand.”

“I knew you would, dude. Now let's get to work.”

He observes her on his first day, how she talks with people and realizes she's always playing with her hair, or moving her feet while she waits for their orders. Different from him she can stare at their eyes without a problem. But she also seems to get bored and impatient fastly. He can tell from  her tone and energy.

He never met another neurodivergence person, well, that he was sure was neurodivergent. He tries to learn all he can. And he doesn't need to use the deposit that day.

He learns that Jinx and Dean work on different shifts. He works from eight to eight, but on alternate days and she works mornings and evenings alternating too. And there's another employer who works the eight to eight shift. 

On his second day, he meets  them, Willow, a nonbinary person, who has an easy energy too.

That day, he starts to take some orders. It's a challenge to deal with people. He can't meet their eyes. But he tries to talk clearly, and as he has a good memory, at last he doesn't make any mistakes with the orders.

As the week goes, even if he can't make much eye contact, he feels very proud for not having a meltdown.

Then there's this customer, on friday, a man with really bad energy. Viktor feels shaken the moment he gets close to the table. He forces himself to get the order and walks fastly away. He meets Jinx on the other side, but he doesn't stare at her, he's shaking, he just holds the notepad out to her and she takes it.

“I got you, dude.”

“Don’t… go there, ask Dean.” He meets her eyes now. 

And she stares from him to the dude sitting over there.

“Don’t get close to him. Please.”

She stares back at him and nods. He can see her worry and confusion, but then the decision.

“Got it.”

He feels relief washing through his body. And he goes to the back of the shop. He gets in the deposit, and wraps his own arms around himself. He cries, he can feel it, he's really a bad person, an… abuser. 

When he gets out, the man is gone and Jinx comes to him. “You better, dude?”

He nods. 

He cries again when he gets home, and sleeps badly. 

After that there's not a day as bad as that, no, but once in a while he still needs the deposit and also he sees other people using it. It makes him feel better about himself. After two weeks he's secure he can work more hours. So he talks with his boss.

They agree he will work a week six hours, a week four hours. And see how it goes. He remembers he also has a physical problem, and shouldn't be pushing it. He's glad, even if he wishes he was able to do more. 

Today is his first day working six. He gets there close to eleven, and will be working till five. He greets Jinx, Dean, his boss and the man people call Chef. This man has nervous energy, not bad, just, well, Viktor thinks it's better if he also doesn't stay close. 

He lunches, brushes his teeth, puts his apron and headphone on. He learned that when he listens to music he gets more calm while he works. He keeps the sound low, just a lofi sound in the background.

Keep the tables clean, talk clearly, hold the tray with care. And Jinx said to him recently, that if he wants to be able to meet people's eyes, he should train in front of the mirror. And he did. So he will try to make eye contact today.

He goes to the countertop and sees a man just got in, walking to a table close to the window. He takes the notepad and pencil, and as he walks there, the light of the sun outlines the man while he opens his laptop. Huh. He knows it's a trick of light, but with the soft sound in the back, the vision seems kind of magic.

The moment he gets to the table, he gets surprised, he can feel the good energy right away. Oh. It's been so long since he feels an energy like this. He only gets it from kids, animals and many years ago from Miss Young and his own mother. 

“Good afternoon, Sr.”

The man moves his eyes from the laptop, and stares at him. His eyes are light brown, no, it's incorrect, as the light coming through the windows touches him, his eyes shine golden at him. When their eyes meet, he doesn't feel uneasy at all, no, for some odd reason it's easy. 

He has a very aesthetic face, strong jaw, olive skin. Viktor waits for an answer but the man just keeps staring at him. 

“Did you hear me, Sr.?”

And the man blinks. “Yes, I'm sorry, good afternoon.”

“Would you like to order, Sr.?”

The man nods

“I would like a piece of the day’s pie and a coffee, please.” 

Viktor takes notes, and nods politely. “As soon as it is ready, I will bring it to you, Sr.”

He goes to the countertop, takes a tray and starts to prepare the orders. He feels good, proud, he got it, he held the stare of someone without problem. It's so odd. And he wants to try again. 

He takes a plate, cuts the pie. Then the little plate, and fills the mug with coffee. He gets back, smiling inside. 

As he reaches the table the man is distracted again. 

“Sr.?”

Their eyes meet again. It's really easy and they stare at each other for a moment. He really likes it. But as he moves his eyes down, he shakes. 

“Oh.” He breathes. He's using it! His app. No, it's not his anymore. And he suddenly feels bad. No, no. He gets angry. No one should be using it! No, that's not the problem. He also knows it's working in the beta version, and not accepting any new payment accounts at the moment because of the law process. But still…

He moves his eyes and realizes the good man is staring at his hands. Ah, yes. The order. He needs to keep going. Yes. But his hands shake as he takes the plates. Why can't he do just a simple task?

As he finishes he turns and goes to the back of the shop. He gets in the deposit still holding the round black tray as the tears fall down. 

Why? Why did they have to be mean? He doesn't know why there's mean people in the world. But he hates it. He hates people like that man! The tray falls from his hands, and he wraps them around himself. He breathes deeply. He has to calm down. He has to. He closes his eyes, listening to the music, here alone, it is all he can hear. In the dark that image comes to him again, the man surrounded by light. He gets that good energy again. Huh. Such an odd bright man.

Why is he using his app? He sure doesn't look like someone that would need help with a date. But then again, he came to understand that date can encompass many particularities. And he's no one to question his reasons. On the contrary, he must understand that he has a reason. He needs a partner and is trying to find it with the resources he has. Will he apply? If so, what element will he get? Wait, he just left like that. He didn't even stare back at him or wished him a good meal. Dammit. He feels ashamed. 

He has to get back and apologize. 

He cleans his face, and as gets back he sees Jinx is heading there. 

“Wait.”

She stops and stares at him. “Hey, dude, you better?” 

He nods, but doesn't meet her eyes. “He asked for the check?”

“Yup.”

“I can take care of it.” He needs to.

“You sure? Is he a bad person again, did he say something to you?”

He feels more embarrassed. “No. He's good.”

“Got it.”

He gets back to the table. 

“Hello, Sr. There's anything else I could help you with?”

He can't look at him, he keeps his eyes on his hands. He feels like a fathead, but also he starts to be affected by it again. His energy. It's really good. 

“No, I’m satisfied.” He doesn't sound mad. Maybe he didn't get offended by it. 

He nods. “The total of your expenses is 20 dollars, Sr. How would you like to pay?”

“Debit.”

He moves, taking the payment machine from inside the pocket of his apron. His hands shake as he tips and then he turns the machine to the man. 

He waits as the man searches for something. His card? No, he takes the phone out of his pocket and brings it close to the machine, his hand seems to be shaking too, is he nervous? The moment the machine bips, he moves the phone away.

As the receipt is printed, he cuts it and holds it out for the man. He takes it.

“That’s it. Come back again, Sr.”

He should move, and wait for him to leave, but he can't, he needs to apologize. He's trying to think of how to start. What to say.

“There’s something wrong?”

Say it.

“I… I apologize for my behavior early. It was unprofessional.” Was it good? Was that a good apology?

“It's okay. Viktor. Here.”  He sees as the man takes out his wallet, opens it and grabs a note of ten. He puts it on the table and slides it towards him. How is it he knows his name, oh, yes, the name tag. “It's a tip for your good service.”

Eh? He did good? Really? 

That energy seems stronger now, making him feel really good. He moves his head and meets the man's eyes. Why is it so easy? He has no idea, but he feels glad. 

“Thank you. Sr.” He can't help but smile. 

The man nods and he watches as he leaves. As he steps out the door, the light of the sun outlines him again. He's really a man made of light, isn't he? And he is searching for a partner? Viktor hopes he finds a match. Yes, that in the far lengths of the realm of possibilities, his elements meet another's, merging and connecting. Please, let it be a good mate.

Chapter Text

That same night he dreams. He can't remember much of this ephemeral experience, however he remembers it was warm like being under the sun, and he was at the coffee shop, sitting at a table, accompanied by a man made of light.

When he wakes up he still can feel that warmth, his mood is light, he feels happy. He hums as he brushes his teeth, he relieves himself and washes his hand. It's been so long since he woke up like this. Wait. Has he ever woken up like this? He can't remember, maybe when he was a kid? Also that dream was very unusual, when he dreams he usually dreams with numbers, or geometric forms, patterns. 

He takes his medicine, and eats. It tastes good. He takes a bit more time than normal, he smiles at no one, that image coming to him again, the bright person.

He showers, gets dressed, and goes to work, strangely all seems more easy today. 

He gets there a little before eleven, greets Jinx, Willow, Chef, but his Boss is away. He has lunch calmly, brushes his teeth, humming again, puts on his apron, cleans the empty tables, sweeps the floor, takes some orders… 

As the day passes, people coming and going, it starts to fade, but he doesn't want to, he wants to feel that way a bit more, so he thinks about him again, a man he doesn't even know the name and who he probably won't see again. It's fine, that's how life goes. Just thinking about it makes him feel all warm.

On his break, he eats some pie in the back and he checks his email, but there's no answer from her. He doesn't have her number. Maybe she doesn't use email anymore? He wonders if she's alright. He can't remember when he deleted the email, or why, maybe managing space? It's been many years, things were different with technology. But he does remember what her response was that time.

Dear Mr. Aiken, I hope this email finds you well. 

Let me start with a question. Is that where your research on romantic relationships did lead you to? As always I'm quite impressed. I'm still a big enthusiast of your work. A fan of sorts, if you may. 

I must confess I haven't been able to see dating in a good light since that time. Don't worry, we are fine now. And after seeing your project I find myself thinking about giving it another try. 

Yes, Matchinery is truly captiving. 

All the best, keep me updated. 

PS: Attached to this email follows my full report on the pros and cons of this project. Fine, I couldn't point out many cons. No, because your work as always is almost flawless. 

She never called him by his first name again, even if she was allowed to. He knew from just that that she was telling him she didn't see him as someone close anymore. No informalities allowed. 

However, he was happy she had so much appreciation for his project. And that they were fine. He doesn't like the world, but he knows what it means. But more important than that and than her ten pages of report was the fact he didn't completely ruin dating for her. No, she would try again with a person that sure wouldn't be like him. Someone that wouldn't wrong her as he did. 

Did she apply to Matchinery? Did she find a mate? 

Wait, her report. He remembers he printed it at the time. Was really thrilled by it, that report helped him fix many initial errors. Did he still have it? She signed and dated that. How could he forget about it? But maybe he threw it out? No, he wouldn't. On the weekend he should search in his old files. Maybe it would help with his case.

He gets back from his break, and as he reaches the countertop he sees a new customer getting in. The man in the formal clothes walks to a vacant table close to the windows and Viktor gets a feeling of deja vu. It's him. He came back. His chest gets warm suddenly. It's odd, it's like he can feel his energy from afar. But it's so good he can only feel contentment.

He takes the notepad and the pencil and walks there. As he gets close, the man is staring at the windows. He's outlined by the sun again. But it's the sun that's leaving, so it's different from that time, not yellow, it's orange turning to purple. Even without the headphones that he forgot to charge, it seems pretty magical again. 

“Good evening, Sr.” He greets, and watches as the man smiles before turning to him. Oh. He has a pretty smile. It's not really a surprise, is it? 

As their eyes meet on that still strange easy way he can't help but point out: You came back. 

And the man nods. Did he like this place? It's really a good place and the food is good too. “What would you like to order, Sr.?”

He seems surprised suddenly. “Oh, actually I'm waiting for someone. So I will hold up a bit. And you can call me Jayce.”

Oh. He's waiting for someone. He nods, but his request won't do. “I'm afraid I can't, Sr. It would be impolite to treat you in an informal way.”

The man's face gets curious. “Is that so? I think it's more impolite to not use someone's name when they asked you to.”

Oh. He never thought about it like that. But he's right, isn't he? Okay.

“Oh, I see. Huh. Let me know when you want to order… Jayce.”

And the man… Jayce smiles again. Somehow he can't help but give a little smile back. He turns and goes back to the countertop. 

He organizes its inside, cleaning and as Jinx comes, bringing fresh bakings, he helps her put them for show. 

“Oh, it's the good guy again.”

Does she remember him too? And Viktor nods. 

“He came back.”

And she hums. “I'm taking my break.”

She leaves and he waits, sitting at the little chair. He watches him, he keeps looking at his phone and at the windows, and as the time passes he doesn't look very well. Suddenly Viktor is hit with an urge to go there, to help somehow. But that won't do. 

He waits, folding some napkins and after a while he sees the man… he corrects it again… Jayce making a signal for him. 

He walks back there, his legs are hurting a bit, he has felt the difference yesterday too, those two more hours are affecting him. 

As he reaches the table, Jayce smiles again. He should always smile. Is he feeling better?

 “Can I have some coffee, please?” 

Viktor nods, nervously playing with his hands. He wants to offer his help, even if it's unsolicited. He can't help it. “Are you alright, Sr., I mean, Jayce?” 

And Jayce blinks at him.

“Yes, of course.” 

Hum. He doesn't believe it. “Huh, you didn't look much fine some minutes ago.”

And the man-Jayce seems more surprised.

“No, I'm just a bit nervous. It's my first date with this person, and she's later.”

Oh. It's a date. He gets curious. Did he use the app? Unlike yesterday, Viktor doesn't feel like falling apart, his anger is put aside because now he wants to know more. 

“You are waiting for a date. I see. Would it be acceptable if I ask you something, Sr-Jayce?”

Jayce laughs at his slips, but it makes him feel good too. This man is really odd. He gives him a half little smile. “I’m still getting used to it, you see.” He justifies. 

Jayce nods. “You can ask, if it's not acceptable I will tell you.”

Oh, he thinks it through for a moment. He really doesn't want to be inappropriate. He came to understand how dating is important for people. Yes, it can hurt if you aren't careful. Also he doesn't know this person at all, even if he feels so easy with him.

But, here he goes. “Did you meet this person through Matchinery? Was it a match of sorts?”

Jayce's face changes colors. Wait. Is he blushing? It's rare to see adults blushing. But it looks good on him. 

“Yes, she is my match. I still can't believe it's happening.”

So it's a match. Would it be a good match? He needs more information.

Viktor nods. “What is your element? If it's not inappropriate to ask.” He asks and Jayce seems to reflect for a moment. 

“I got earth.” 

Oh. He doesn't know much about him, but he thinks it fits. And this element allows many options in matches. 

“Earth. Oh. This is a great element, can match with all the others, and it allows any of the others to grow properly.” 

Yes. And it's not easy to get earth. Now it's a bit premature he got a match right away, wasn't he filling the forms yesterday? Well, maybe he got Earth as a match.

“What is her element? If you don't mind sharing a bit more.” Somehow this conversation seems nice, he almost sure Jayce is enjoying it like him.

“Water. She seems to be nice.”

Ah. Not a perfect match. But it could still be a good one. Water and Earth can really work together. 

“Oh. Water and earth. It's the second best combination for your element.”

Jayce stares curiously at him again.

“You seem to know a lot about this. Have you used this app too?” 

What? He wasn't expecting this question at all. It seems so absurd. Well, that's because he doesn't know it's impossible for him. He smiles softly. “No. That would be impossible for me.”

He sees as Jayce's lips move and then…

“Viktor!”

They stare at the countertop and Jinx is staring at them. She seems nervous. “Viktor, we need your help for a moment.”

He nods then turns to Jayce again. “I will be right back with your coffee.”

He goes, and it seems like the Chef went to vent out. 

“I know it's close to the end of your shift, but can you work a bit more? You won't need to come tomorrow, I talked with dad, I mean Vander.”

Oh, she's right, he should be getting ready to leave. But he doesn't want to go. He nods, still processing the fact she's the daughter of his boss. But then again it doesn't make any difference to him. 

“Thanks, dude. Can you take a look at the oven? I need to help him.”

He nods again and doesn't ask why, it's not his business. He takes care of the oven, and once Willow is over with a table, they switch places and he pours the coffee and gets back to Jayce. They smile at each other. It's like he can't stop, what's very unusual. He doesn't smile easily, and also has problems relaxing around other people. But here he's feeling like himself with a man he just met.

As he puts the coffee on the table, Jayce says: Thank you.

He watches as he sips his coffee before leaving again. 

He helps Willow take the bakeries from the oven and the they say: once in a while he has panic attacks. 

Oh. “Life is hard, right, man?” They asks.

Yes, they are right, life can be really hard sometimes. As they finish he sits and watches as Jayce drinks his coffee. Then he stands and takes the coffee pot.

“Would you like more coffee?”

He sees the smile before the golden eyes meet him. “Yes, and I think I will get something to eat too.”

Oh. 

“Really? What about your date? Won't she be coming anymore?”

“I don't know. It's almost an hour now. Maybe something happened. I just hope she's fine and…”

There's an electronic sound, and he watches as Jayce stares hopeful at his phone, but as he looks at it, he gets sad. No! His energy is changing. No, no. 

“What's wrong?”

He doesn't look at him, he keeps staring at the little screen. “I didn't know people could match with more than one person.” He says and as lifts his head their eyes meet. 

Does it bother him? If the person has another match? Or more of one partner? Maybe he's Monoamorous? But not all people are like this.

“Well, if people can fall in love with more than one person, this is only natural.” Viktor says. 

This fact doesn't help, he can see. He seems more put down.

“Noted. She matched with another person. I think…” Jayce starts and he seems really disgusted. “I think she chose to meet him instead of me. Was it because of the pic?”

A picture? Viktor doesn't understand. “What picture?”

“He has a pic. And I haven't. I mean I didn't put it on because I wanted people to pick me not for my appearance. But now I'm thinking that maybe I should have.” He stares down at his phone again and goes on. “Because sure she would have chosen me, I'm way prettier than him.” He seems suddenly regretful.

Oh. He's not wrong. Many people chose based on appearance. At First he wanted to create the site without allowing pictures, but after some research he found out it would prevent a great number of people from enjoying dating. He did the site for all kinds.

“I'm sorry, I'm being stupid. I shouldn't have said that. She probably has some excuse.” 

Does she? To give a proper response he needs to take a look at the other man. “Hum…” He says and steps close to him.

He takes a look at the man. Hum. No. They aren't at the same level. But still since Jayce didn't upload a picture, it's fair to assume based on the number of people that chose based on appearance that she may have chosen this other man because she didn't know better.

“No, I think you are right. You are prettier than him. He's not even beautiful, but you are gorgeous.” 

“Than… thanks.”

Viktor nods, stepping back. “I also think your deduction is logical. There's a big chance she is not here because she is with him.” He says. “It's hard to tell what categories someone will use to choose their partners.”

Jayce seems to reflect. “You think so?” 

Yes.

“It's very plausible.”

And he seems sad again. Oh, no. Again Viktor's information doesn't help. Maybe he's doing it wrong. He tries to change his approaches. What could he do to make him feel better? He can't take him to the deposit. And a hug would be too much. Ah. 

“Would you like a piece of pie?”

Jayce blinks at him.

And Viktor smiles. “My mother always said that food can put almost any bad feeling away. And it would be my treat.” He offers. It's okay, right? If he treats him? He would pay for it. 

Jayce smiles back. That way. He should keep smiling. The bad feeling is already starting to fade. 

“Your treat? And is that allowed?” He says.

And Viktor gets serious. Does he think he would put it on the house? “Of course it would be discounted from my payment.”

Jayce smirks. “I see. I will accept it if you eat with me.”

Eh? But there's no way. “That wouldn't be acceptable, I'm afraid.”

The other man makes a face. “Why not? Sure you have some breaks, and aren't you allowed to eat with a friend on your breaks?”

He sure can spend his break as he pleases, right? Wait.

“A friend?”

Jayce nods vehemently. “Yes, we are becoming friends, are we not?”

Are they? Well, they are talking quite informally and Viktor was the one asking about his personal matters. This is what friends do, right? A friend. This means he would be able to see him again? Yes. He would like that, but they can't… 

“Oh. Yes, that's true. But... but unfortunately I already took my break.” 

He feels put down. If he just could…

Jayce nods. “Well, there's no helping it, right? We just have to make sure you use your break with me next time.” 

Ah. Next time. Yes. Since they are becoming friends there will be other times. He feels so happy suddenly. He smiles, feeling glad.

After that he brings him the pie and goes to clean the countertop, he does it with attention, humming. He feels light again, because the moment he put it on the table, Jayce seemed happy. His energy was restored.

He just finished when Jayce reaches him. Oh. Viktor stares at him. “Oh, you are leaving.”

He thought it would take a bit more. He feels a bit disappointed. 

“Yes, I have an early morning.” Jayce says as he puts the plate on the countertop. He shouldn't have brought it. It's Viktor's job.

“I see. You didn't need to bring it here, I should do it.”

“It’s fine.” He smiles. “I would like the bill?”

No. Viktor shakes his head. “Oh, no, it's on me. Don't worry about it.”

The other man nods. “Okay, next time it will be on me then. Thank you.” He says, but doesn't move. They just keep staring at each other and Viktor remembers something suddenly.

“You can dissolve it.” 

“What?” Yes, the matches can be dissolved, it's something he thought would be helpful, in case people don't want a match for any reason. Even ‘just because’ is acceptable in his opinion.

“The match. You can dissolve it.”

He can see the surprise on his face. Like many he probably didn't read the email with the instructions. “No one needs to stay with someone they don't want to.”

And Jayce seems relieved? Yes, that's right, Viktor can feel it in his energy, the relief flowing through him. And something else. What is it? He's thankful? He doesn't need to. Viktor is happy to help.

 “How do I do it?”

“In the setup menu. You will find the option to dissolve matches.”

Jayce nods. “How is it you know so much about this app?” 

Oh. That question. It was inevitable, right? He feels sad now. 

“That's because I'm its creator.”

Jayce blinks at him. He didn't know. Nobody even knows or recognizes him. But he bets he will have many questions. He sees as the full lips move. Here it comes.

“Viktor!”

 “I need to…”

Jayce nods. It's okay, he can ask next time. He smiles a bit. What's really important is that Jayce gets it next time. Yes. A good match that combines with him. “I hope the next match works better.” He says.

And Jayce smiles back at him. It's really good. “Thank you. See you around then.”

As Viktor turns, going to the kitchen, he reflects that he would like to help. 

He meets Jinx on his way. 

“Chef went out. So, we're gonna close early, can you turn the plaque and finish the tables?”

He nods. But why? Why does he want to help? Does he want to know more about how the apps work? No. Jayce is not an experiment he can learn through. He wouldn't ever do that again. 

He turns the plaque from “we are open” to “we are closed" and goes to clean the vacant tables. 

Why do you want to help Viktor? Why? He cleans with attention, making sure to do a good job. 

Because Jayce has a problem. And he likes to solve problems. He was trying to fix a problem with Matchinery. Yes, but Jayce is another matter. It feels different somehow. He just doesn't know yet why.

The remaining customers make a signal to him and he goes there. 

He still feels that energy on him as he finishes the shift, when he's on the subway, till the moment he lays down to sleep. 

He gets another dream, this one more alike his usual dreams. It's a series of ones and zeros. He knows what that particular series means because he has it on his body, but in his dreams, he just feels it, as if numbers can cause sensations.

He wakes up, brushes his teeth, relieves himself, washes his hands, takes his medicine, eats and showers, all that feeling light and warm. When he's in front of the mirror still naked he stares at the delicate long line of numbers that goes from one arm to another, crossing his back. 

That's one feeling he learned early. His mother showed it to him. Love. Yes. He loves Jayce. And it explains why he wants to help him. That's what his mother taught him, when you love you care, you try to make their lives better. 

It's very easy, and wonderful to love someone. He tattooed that line when his mother died, yes, to always remember it remains. Even if she's not here anymore, their love won't fade away. And now he has a new one. He will take good care of it. 

He gets dressed and as he doesn't need to work today, goes to his closet, the one in the office, he searches for that report. He's sure he kept it. As he's at it he realizes he has too many documents, old things he forgot he had at all. There's even some school work that he thought his mother had thrown away. He gets more surprised when he finds a painting from when he was a little kid, it's just the form of his little hand and the written “to mom”. 

Oh, he misses her so much. As he thinks about her deeply, he feels it, the love, making him all warm. He smiles and puts his hand over it. He used to be very little, but now his hand is long. 

He puts the painting aside and gets back to his search, but he starts to get tired, his leg hurts and he has to stop. He wasn't even half away.

He lets the things splattered, takes the painting and goes to the living room. He reaches the bookshelf and reaches for his favorite book. With the book in hand, he goes back to bed. He groans a bit. He's glad that he won't be working. 

The book is an old one. L'Odalisque et l'éléphant' by Pauline Alphen. It's the most precious book ever written. He does believe in soulmates. He's aware it's uncharacteristic of him, but he doesn't believe in it in a romantic way, no, but he does believe that souls can be perpetually connected, despite gender, age, species. And that love is immutable. 

He opens the book and puts the painting inside. For now it will do, he will think later about what to do with it. Maybe frame it? 

He stays laying for a while, holding the book to his chest, then gets up, takes some medicine, lunches, and comes back again. It's getting worse, as he covers himself with the duvet, he thinks about her again. As he shakes in pain, he imagines his mom holding him.

Its a habit he has since he was a kid, everytime he got sick our in much pain, he would imagine being held in love. Yes. He never thought much about it. Why did he get this habit? Maybe because he wasn't good in asking for it? 

He hums, still in the embrace. All gets so warm. Then it changes, and it's Jayce holding him. Eh? It never happened before.

Well, he's too tired and in pain. Just for today. Yes. He wonders how the real thing would feel. Not that he needs it, just thinking about it is enough. However, he bets he has the best hugs. 

He probably could wrap around him completely, he's big, and has such good energy that it would be a blessing for sure. Friends do hug he remembers himself. Maybe they could try it. Would Jayce find it acceptable? If he lets him, Viktor will do it, hug, treat him to food… 

Will he dissolve his match? Will he get a new one? He seemed really sad. If he can, he'll not let it happen again. He'll try to make him happy. 

He falls asleep that way. In his dreams he holds Jayce in his arms while numbers contour them… 01001100 01101111 01110110 01100101…01001100 01101111 01110110 01100101…01001100 01101111 01110110 01100101…01001100 01101111 01110110 01100101…

Chapter Text

“So Mr. Aiken, you claim you are the author of Matchinery?” She asks, her stare striking. And today he's able to hold it again. It's good he's been practising. But also he thinks he's getting used to her energy. Even enjoying it a bit. That feeling of conquest. 

He nods.  “Yes, I’m its creator.” He says clearly, he created it. 

She hums, seeming satisfied.“Can you explain to us how you came up with the application idea?” His lawyer asks. 

Oh, it wasn't in the script she sent to him.

“This question was not in the script.” He says.

“They may not ask any questions the way we expect, but we must try to be ready for all the possibilities. I think they will try to dig, and confuse you.”

Oh, he sees. He nods and reflects on it.

They are training him to get used to deposing, so he will be ready to face that man and the court. He found Miss Young’s report and Ms Merdara smiled that way again, like a winner. And he almost smiled back that day. They must win!

They have been going through his testimony for almost a week, he meets her in the mornings before work. He's tired, he wants to talk with his boss about working less and also, he's missing it. Jayce's energy. The only days he feels better is when he dreams with him, on these days he wakes feeling happy and relaxed. He wonders how he is. Its too soon for him to get a new match, but he hopes when he gets it that they are good. No, better than good. They must treat him like he deserves. 

“This question is complex. Are you asking how I decided to create a dating app, or how I came up with the site's concept?” He says and she stares right at him. Again he tries to sustain it.

“They are separated things then?”

“Yes.”

“Explain to us how you came up with the site’s concept.”

“Through the years I came to like esotericism, and when I learned about alchemy, this captivated my attention. I don't think about it in a practical physical way, but in a fictional way.” He thinks about it for a moment. Did he really create a fantastic narrative without meaning? 

“So your site was created with base in a fictional narrative?”

“Yes.” He didn't realize it before, but it was. 

“What is the narrative about?”

“It's a realm where the elements meet and match, creating combinations, the elements affect each other in many ways, positives and negatives. They are just like people. People affect each other with their words, actions and even with their energy.”

And now she seems curious. That is new. “Energy?”

Oh, he wasn't planning to talk about this topic.

“I can feel other people's energy. That's what led me to my interest in esotericism.”

She stares at him that way she does, studying. It's hard to keep her stare now. He guess she's trying to see if he's lying?

“Maybe you shouldn't mention it in court, they may try to use it to discredit your testimony.”

“I did I vow, I mean I will make a vow to say the truth, if they ask me just like you did I will have to talk about it. I'm afraid.”

She keeps staring at him that way and in the end she nods. “You are right. Also it's your honesty that makes you a great threat to them. And one of the reasons I accepted your case.”

She has said it before. That he's honest and that it's good. He wants to believe it's true, all through his life being an honest person didn't help much. Often his words make things worse, don't matter his intentions.

“Now tell me how you decided to use the elements in a dating application?”

So he tells her how he thought about dating and compatibility, and how it seemed easy to think about dating when he thought about people as elements, nature manifestations that affected each other. He thought about how people were different and decided to split them into four different kinds based on personality. The four elements.

“This is a common thing people are used to, we do it with signs, and games, culture divides people, and even though people want to be treated in the same way in a sense, they also seem to enjoy being separated in groups of the same kind. And to be defined. Well, most people do. The app is for people that enjoy it.”

She nods. “That's all.” She says and he breathes down. Being in the spot makes him feel nervous. 

“What you just said matches what we presented to the court this week, and the development work you already have presented. I remember thinking it was curious when I read it for the first time. And I have been wondering about it.” She makes a pause and sits, and its the first time she seems to relax. 

“What element do you think I would get?”

Eh? He wasn't expecting this question at all. 

“Oh, I don't know. It's not me who defines it, it's the Craft. And for it to point to an element, a lot of information is required.” He says. He can't keep eye contact now. He feels weird with the personal question. 

She hums. “What about your ability? You said you can sense people's energy?”

He never talks about it. He nods, still not meeting her eyes. 

“Based on my energy, what element do you think I would get?” 

What? He stares at her now. “You want me to define your element based on your energy?”

She nods. “I don't think I could. I can't get your personality from your energy. It's more like I get your intentions, the way you face the world, things like that.”

He can feel her energy as if it was his. And must be It that makes him say it as if he has no fear or doubt.

“You have a very strong energy, it's pushing and like a shield. You are sure of yourself. Like a Knight. It feels like you are always going for the victory.”

He can tell he got her by surprise because for a moment she just stares unblinking at him. Then she smiles and now for the first time since he met her, she seems happy. 

“You are really one of a kind, Mr. Aiken. It's all for today, next week will be stepping in court again. You did good and I'm confident you will do great there.”

He smiles, when he's next to her, he does believe he can win. Moreover, he believes he can beat those mean people. 

On the day of the court hearing, he wakes up with a bad feeling. He can feel it deeply and thinks about not going. But he has too. He is off work and gets ready slowly. 

He brushes his teeth, relieves himself, and washes his hands. He takes his medicine, and eats. He should clean, he hasn't cleaned in a while, but he doesn't feel like it. His pain has been getting worse.

He can't call it off, he has responsibilities. Yes, even if that dreadful feeling gets worse and worse as the hours pass, he lunches, showers, puts on a suit, and finds his way to the court.

He gets that shake feeling he always gets when he steps in court, his head buzzing. He meets his lawyer and she says to him: remember you are in the right. Go for what is yours.

He nods, not being able to hold her eyes again. He tries to get a bit of her energy. He needs it, no, it won't be enough, something bad will happen, he feels out of place, sick. He wants to go home. He doesn't mean too, but he thinks about Jayce. If they had just met before this, sure he would have got a better mind to deal with it. As he feels that good energy, he tries to keep it up. 

He imagines himself holding Jayce's hand as he walks there, makes his vow and sits. From there he can see that evil man, his energy is really terrifying. It makes Viktor shiver and feel more sick. If he had met this man, Mr. Reveck, or even seen a pic of him before he signed the contract with Hexsoft, he would never have gone through with it. 

This room is smaller than the one he had been in before, and there's less people. The accommodations were done rightfully following his lawyer solicitation, and he's glad, but also most of the energy is bad.

Mr. Reveck’s lawyer is a slim man who has bad energy too. Viktor can feel a bitter taste in his mouth as he approaches him. He tries to make eye contact, but it's impossible for him to stare in the eyes of people who are mean, it's like he can see it, the evil staring back at him.

He forces it. He wants to go home. He feels like crying. He thinks about Jayce again. The sun, and love. 

“Mr. Aiken, you claim you are the author of Matchinery?”

That's the question they were waiting for. 

He nods.  “Yes, I’m its creator.” He says as clearly as he can, he created it. But it's like he has something stuck on his throat. He stares at his lawyer and she nods.

He's doing good? He hopes so.

“When did you claim you created it?”

“I created Matchinery five years ago, the precise day was August 8th.”

The lawyer nods. 

“Are you asexual, Mr. Aiken?”

What? What does it have to do with anything? As he stares at the man he sees it again, that thing, malign. 

He stares back at his lawyer and she nods again. He can see it in her expression, she's saying for him to go for it. 

“Yes. I'm asexual and also aromantic.” He says and the lawyer hums, the sound makes Viktor shiver again. Behind him, he can see Mr. Reveck smiling. 

“So you don't have any interest in dating at all?”

“No, I don't.”

“It may be hard to believe that a person without any interest in dating would create a dating app.”

Ah. Well, he knows many aspecs really can't deal with it, some don't even like to talk about it. But it's not his case. Is it what they are planning to use against him? If he wasn't feeling so sick, he would smile. 

“It's a wrong concept about asexual and aromantic people. Not all of us find dating, romance or sex troublesome. I may not have any interest in dating, but I do have a deep interest in human connections and particularly in romantic relationships. I came up with the idea of the app when I was still doing my major.”  He says and can tell it wasn't the answer the man was aiming for. 

“Is that true? So how did you come up with the idea for a dating app?”

Ah, there is that question. It's specific about the dating application, it's not about the concept. Are they avoiding talking about it as the work of an author? How can he prove he is the author if they don't ask about it? Maybe that's their plan. 

But he has to answer it anyway. Do not avoid questions, it was Ms Merdara's first lesson. He thinks about why he came up with the dating app. He will have to talk about that time. He guesses sometimes things are just bad. He gets more sad.

“I was dating someone at that time, and we broke up quite painfully. It was my mistake. That event prompted me to search about dating in a more focused way. And as I learned about the different kinds of dating and reasons people have to date, I came up with the vision that dating would work better with a database that helped people to connect based on compatibility.”

He realizes now everyone in the room is staring curiously at him. Even Mr. Reveck looks kind of entranced. And clearly pissed off. Serves him well. Viktor wishes he had the strength to stare at him in the eyes and say to his face how mean and disgusting he is and that he should feel ashamed. Not that it would make any difference, but sure Viktor would feel a bit better. 

“You said you were dating?” The lawyer asks. 

He nods. “Yes, a colleague from college.”

“But you just said you don't have any interest in dating. Didn't you?”

And there we go again. “That doesn't mean I can't date. Not liking an action, don't prevent you from doing it.”

He didn't like it. He was actually trying to understand dating. He made a big mistake and hurt someone who didn't deserve it. If he could just go home. 

“That's all.” The man says, turning and walking back to sit at Mr. Reveck's side and then it's time for his lawyer to start her questions. As she's very smart, she changes the questions they had planned to the ones they practiced, so he's able to talk about the conception in detail and as he does the people in the room get like that again. Impressed and curious. And Mr. Reveck looks very much as if he ate something bad. I hope you gag with it!

He feels guilty for that, of course. He doesn't want him to gag, and he takes it back as he walks out of the room.

That's when the bad thing happens. 

He feels the hand on his shoulder and shakes, he doesn't need to turn away to know who it is. He gets such a sick feeling it's hard to stay standing. 

“Mr. Aiken.”

He turns and Mr. Reveck steps back, the hand falling off him. But Viktor can still feel it on him. 

Why are he touching him? He doesn't like to be touched, but just now he feels exposed, weak, so sick and sad, his eyes get blurry.

“I know what you are trying to do, but that won't work. That app is ours… are you feeling well?” He asks, but there's no real concern in his voice. And Viktor can see it in his eyes, that evil. He's enjoying it. He tries to move away, to run, the tears slide on his face. Please, go away. Please!

“Viktor what are…” It's his lawyer. He stares at her, trying to ask for help with his eyes, his lips don't move. Help. 

She turns to Mr. Reveck. “Mr. Reveck, you can't talk with my client without my presence. And also it would be smart to not embush him, you did get the memo about his accommodations, didn't you?”

The evil man scoffs. “People these days do anything to get special treatment. I didn't embush him, I was just sharing a word of advice.”

“We don't need your advice. In fact you seem to be the one in need. If you pull something like this again you will be faced with a harassment law suit, and believe me I will make sure this reaches the supreme court.”

The man leaves, but Viktor just stands there, the tears sliding without stopping, and people pass around them. She approaches him. 

“I won't touch you, but I need you to follow me. Do you think you can?”

He tries to shake his head, but it seems odd, he's shaking so much. “What would help?” 

He sees an officer approaching too. “What 's happening? Do you need any help?” 

“He’s autistic, he's having a meltdown. Don't touch him.” She doesn't look at the office, she caresses her round belly staring at him, seeming worried about him. But he feels bad for making her worry when she's carrying a life. If he could just stop crying. “Tell me what to do. How can I help?”

He tries to think about what can help. A hug would help, but he doesn't want to be touched by any of these people. If Jayce was here sure… no, he can't use Jayce for it. He has to deal with it alone. It's how life is. Ok, so, no hug. What then? Food. Food helps too. 

“Foo… food.” He manages to say.

“Food? You mean you need to eat something?” 

He tries to nod. She opens her bag and takes out a chocolate bar and holds it up for him. “Would that work?” 

He can't move, so how will he? “Is it okay if I give it to you?” She asks and he tries to nod again. He needs it, so there's no point in being stubborn. 

She opens the package, breaks a piece and brings it to his mouth. He opens it and takes the piece. He chews slowly, it's very sweet and tender. And for some reason it makes him think about Jayce again. It's because he seems to like eating. Both times when he was at the shop he seemed to like it. Did he go there today? He hasn't showed up in a while. He wonders how he's. He's always wondering about him.

Slowly he starts to feel better and he's not sure if it's the chocolate or thinking about Jayce. 

“Do you want more?” She asks and he shakes his head, this time it seems easy. “Do you think you can move?” 

He nods. “Yes.”

He moves slowly, body still shaking. He should have brought his cane today.

She turns to the officer. “Thank you, officer, we are fine now.” 

He nods and steps away from them.

“Do you want some water?” 

“Yes.” 

They walk to the vending machines, and she gets a bottle of water for him. He drinks, hands still shaking.

“We may need to bring a kit for you next time.” She says, and he thinks she will be a good mother. 

“I'm afraid you are right.” He feels ashamed. 

“It wasn't your fault. It's not your fault your brain reacts to things differently from other people. And that man shouldn't get near you. What did he say?”

“He said he knows what I'm doing.” 

She hums. “He is trying to intimidate you. To get in your head. Don't let him. You are on the right. He's the one taking something that's not his.” 

Yes, he knows. But maybe he should just give up? Create another app. Or even not create anything at all. 

“I will take you home.” She says. 

“Oh, that won't be necessary. The subway is close by. But I appreciate all you did for me today. I will make sure to pay you for it.”

She seems pissed off suddenly. “Don't you dare. What I did for you was just basic human care. This is the minimum, Viktor. People shouldn't be paid to be decent.”

She's right, he knows. But he also feels like a bother.

“I will at least see you to the subway.” 

He nods, and meets her eyes. “Thank you.” He says and gives her a little smile.

She walks with him to the station and they wait for the subway car. 

“You did really great there, Viktor. Must be why he came after you. Next time stay close to me, don't walk alone. I'm going to keep an eye on him.”

He nods. He will do whatever she says, he just wishes it could end soon. 

“Keep trying to get in contact with Ms Young, I'm trying to find her with my resources too. Let's see if we get lucky.”

He hopes she's able to find her. 

When gets in the subway car its getting quite late, but at least it's empty. He sits and groans. All his body feels tense, painful. He wishes he never left home today… he feels the presence and sees the shoes before he sees the person, he is still shaken up so he just gets who it is when he sees that handsome olive face and those golden eyes.

It happens immediately, that energy wrapping around him and making him all warm and happy. The numbers, the same from his dreams, and his body, dances on his mind. 

01001100 01101111 01110110 01100101

He smiles. He can't help it. 

“Jayce…”

The other man stands there, holding his briefcase, and staring at him as if he doesn't know what to do. 

“Give me your phone.” He says. 

Eh? Does he need to make a call? Did he forget or lose his? Viktor takes his phone out of his pocket and holds it out to him.

And Jayce looks curious at him for a moment. What is it?

“No, I mean your number.” He says, sounding a bit exasperated.

Ah. So he was asking for his phone number? But he said phone. He guesses it was a fair mistake? 

Jayce sits at his side, his legs touching Viktor's. It… it feels good. “I want to be able to reach you.”

Oh. Really? He wants it too. “Oh.”

“Would you like it too?”

“Yes, to be able to be in touch, but I don't really enjoy getting calls.” Calls make him anxious. He wishes he was like other people.

“Well, we can text, if it's fine.” 

Oh, that would be perfect. He does enjoy texting.

He turns to him, he can't help but smile again. “It's. I enjoy texting, it's a better way of communication. I can express myself more properly.”

And Jayce smiles back. He's really pretty. His energy makes everything easy, and right.

“Okay, so I'm gonna text you and you're gonna text me.”

Viktor nods. That sounds really great.

They stay in silence for a while. All is warm and good.

“I got another match.” Jayce says suddenly.

Oh, that fast? And Viktor worries, what if it's not good again? Please, let it be a good person.

“Oh, you did?” 

Jayce nods. “They are really nice. Air.”

Oh, thanks heaven. As relief washes over him he breathes deeply. “I'm glad. Air is a really good combination.” Maybe it will work this time? 

“I didn't like them. They are kind and precious. But they make me feel old. They have so much energy and they enjoy life truly and I…”

Does he not enjoy life? He worries again. “You don't enjoy life?”

And Jayce seems to reflect about it. “I'm not sure. I just feel tired, I guess. My life is good, I have a good job, great friends, I'm strong, and I still find little things to appreciate, so I guess I do enjoy it, It's just I…”

He kind of gets it. “Want more?”

Viktor thinks about it. He usually is fine with what he has. But just now he wishes for more too. He's not sure if it's possible, or would work. But he guesses it's natural.

“There's nothing wrong with it, Jayce. Wanting more, wanting things is a signal of living. I think it's when you don't want anything anymore that we should worry.”

Jayce nods.

“So you are going to dissolve it?”

Well, maybe he can date even if he doesn't like the person? Theres people who are like this. Even Viktor have done it. He didn't like it, but it's not impossible.

“I don't know. Can I ask you something?”

Viktor nods. “Yes, of course.”

“It's about Matchinery.” 

Oh. He thinks about the court, and that man, that evil hand touching him. He feels sick.

“Yes?” He wonders what is it he wants to ask and as he feels bad he wants to reach for him. Yes, he really wants more. He waits.

“Have you eaten?” Jayce asks.

Eh? What? He can't understand. “No, but I find it confusing to see the connection between not eating and Matchinery?”

And Jayce smirks, its a very silly smile and Viktor likes it. Even if he can't understand his reaction.

“There's no connection, I will ask about it later. Right now I realize I'm starving. Would you eat something with me?”

Eat? Now? 

“It's late…” He says, but yes, he would.

“So it's a no?”

No, it's not a no. How could it ever be a no? It's just that Viktor is feeling like maybe its not impossible. 

“Where would we go?” He doesn't like to eat and stay out late. Also he really wants to go home, but he doesn't want to ruin it. 

“What station do you get out of?” Jayce asks.

It's close. They soon will be reaching it, but he doesn't want to get away from him.

“14th.”

“Mine too. Do you know that restaurant close by?”

Oh, he lives close to him? Is it really possible? Wait, the restaurant next to the station? The pizza place?

“You mean the pizza place?”

Jayce nods. Hum, it's really getting late, and he can't see himself going to a place full of people.

“I don't eat after eight.” He says. It seems logical this can't work. But he wants it to work!

“Yes?”

“I also don't stay out after nine.” He doesn't know what to do. Should he not go? But then they will be going separate ways and maybe Jayce will realize he's not the best friend option. But also he can feel Jayce already likes him. His energy is pretty content. Then it changes. Is he disappointed?

No. This won't do. He has to do something. If he can't go to where Jayce wants, maybe Jayce could…

“We don't need to do it today. We can do it another day in a reasonable time and…”

“No, I want to. Would it be alright if we eat at my place?”

And Jayce blinks at him. He seems surprised and then he smiles that pretty smile of his. His energy restoring. 

“I would love to.” He says.

He can't really help it, he smiles, feeling very happy. Yes. He wants it. He wants something that may look simple to other people, but that for him is really hard. He wants to get close to this man. It's something new to him, he's used to being alone. He enjoys it. But just now he wants to reach for Jayce and keep him close. He can feel Jayce wants it too, so it will do. 

Yes, and Viktor takes him home. 

Chapter Text

As they walk out of the subway, and towards the pizza place side by side, Viktor gets this feeling. It's a certainty mixed with a sense of discovery. For some reason it reminds him of the first time he got in contact with a programmation program. He felt at that time that that was what he wanted to do. 

He feels the same way now. Jayce feels right, more than right, it's like it's meant to be. He's still in pain, but finds it bearable. And he knows it's because Jayce is with him. He can't help but smile all the way. 

They get mini pizzas, and boxed juice. Luckily the place is not that crowded, and soon they reach his place. 

As they get to the door, Viktor is still thinking about his first experience in programmation, he's not sure why. When you do it for the first time, you start from the basics. His first contact was with the very famous program Lhyton, he remembers his first print.

 “Hello, World.” 

It's the first thing one does, tip the phrase, and it shows on the screen. As they get inside he thinks he would like to print something else.

print("Welcome, Jayce.")

Yes. 

He's so absorbed in his thoughts, that it's only when they are both in his kitchen that he realizes he brought Jayce to his home when he hadn't cleaned for a while. He feels ashamed suddenly.

“I apologize for the mess of the place, I haven't had the time to clean properly, and I was not expecting any visitors, I never bring anyone here.”

And Jayce smiles, like it's nothing. “It's fine, I don't mind.”

No. It's not fine. He will fix it. “Just give me a moment, I 'm gonna clean it.”

“I can do it.” Jayce says, and Viktor watches dumbfounded as he puts his briefcase and the bags on the chair and starts to roll up the sleeves of his long shirt. 

What? Is he out of his mind? He can't. “You are my guest.” 

And Jayce stares at him unfazed.

“Yes and?”

Well.  “A guest shouldn't clean the place.” That's how things are. The guest must be taken care of. Not the contrary.

Jayce smirks, that silly smile of his easing something in Viktor, and says: That's for common guests. I'm not a common guest, I'm a friend, and friends can help and there's no need to keep politeness around them. Isn't it true?

Hum. Viktor stares hard at him, their eyes on each other. This man is unbelievable, isn't he? He's always making Viktor rethink what he's used to following. The way he was created. And oddly, he likes it. He smirks too. “I have a feeling you are always gonna find a way to break protocols, aren't you?”

The other man's smile grows. “That's what friends are for.” He says and starts to take the things from the table and put them on the sink.

Wait. He's gonna…

“Wait.”

Jayce stops, staring at him. “You're gonna ruin your clothes.” Viktor says. 

And that's not acceptable. It's already a bit troublesome that he's gonna clean when he's a guest… friend. But it's not right at all if he ruins his clothes by doing it.

He moves, taking the apron he keeps hanging in the back of the door. He gets close to Jayce and passes the strap through his head. It feels right too.  “Here…” He says, then realizes what he did. Oh, no. He just touched Jayce without asking. “Oh, sorry, is it alright?” 

Jayce nods. “Yes.” Jayce says. His face is getting pink. Does it make him feel embarrassed? 

As Viktor steps back, Jayce finishes to tie the waist of the apron. Is it really alright? His energy is still good.

He gets to the table and sits on the free chair. Pain curses through his leg and he lets a groan escape his lips. 

“You seem to be in pain.” Jayce says. He moves around, cleaning the table, he takes the mug and plate Viktor left when he eat early and put them in the sink,  he takes a dish wash, wets it and passes on the table, when its clean, he washes his hands and starts to open the bags, taking out the food and putting it on the table.

“Oh, yes, I have been sitting up and walking all day long. My leg is killing me. I guess I will have to start to use the cane again, and get back with physiotherapy.” He says, and slowly he takes out his suit jacket. He throws it over the back of the chair, before rolling up his own sleeves. On his pale skin, he sees the numbers and for a moment remembers his dream. Hum. He can't believe Jayce is here.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Jayce says. And Viktor gets it clearly. The caring. He cares about him. And it makes him happy.

“Don’t be, I'm used to it.”

And Jayce seems pissed off. He gets it too. It's because of him.

“It’s not good to get used to pain.” He says. And he's right. But it's just as life goes.

“I know, but I don't have any other option.”

He can see as Jayce's expression changes immediately, he seems regretful. “I’m sorry for saying it, I don't know what you go through. It was insensitive.”

No. It wasn't. “No. Jayce… I understand what you mean. You worry for my well being, right?”

Their eyes meet and Jayce looks in a different way at him, his face getting more pink. There's something Viktor is not able to understand. As Jayce nods, Viktor smiles. 

He can feel it, Jayce really cares about him. And it makes them even, doesn't it? 

“I worry about your well being too.” Viktor says. He worries about him all the time.

The other man moves, taking the briefcase, putting it on the table, and sitting. 

“You do?” He sounds curious. 

Viktor feels a bit self conscious now. Is it alright? He has been thinking a lot about Jayce, and not just it, he has been imagining things, and seeking his energy. He never met someone he felt this way. 

He nods. “I have been worried if you would be able to have a good and trustful partner. There's a lot of people out there. And I can't help but worry.”

This is his big concern. And also he's using his app. It would be terrible if by Viktor's fault it goes wrong. 

Jayce blinks at him. Is it okay? He doesn't seem mad or put out.

“I’m careful, I only meet in places where there's people around.” Jayce says, his face is still pink. He looks good this way. Cute. He opens the medium pizza box and stares down at it. 

Hum. Even if he is careful, Viktor worries. 

“I'm actually worried about what happens after the first meeting.” He says and their eyes meet again. The light of the kitchen makes Jayce's eyes shine to him. Why does he always seem magical?

He never met someone that was this interesting. That he loved this much. Well, he loved his mother, but that was different. Wait. How was that different? No, he has other things in mind. 

“Can I ask you a very personal question?”

Jayce seems curious, then nods. “Yes, we are friends, you can ask anything.”

Anything? Really? It's tempting, but sure Impossible. Viktor hums. He wonders how Jayce wants for their relationship to go. “Now that's something to reflect about. There are different kinds of friends and even best friends may not be able to talk about everything. Are we going to be best friends?” 

Jayce's response comes right away: I would like for us to be.

Oh. Viktor feels a thrill, a warm comfortable feeling of happiness. And he smiles easily. That's the power this man has. “Me too.” 

And he realizes he didn't wash his hands. He stands, pain pulsing on his left leg, and goes to the sink. He opens the water and washes his hands. 

When he comes back, Jayce is already eating. Viktor sits, groaning again. He reaches for the box of juice, grabbing it and shaking it, then he pierces the box with the straw and drinks. It tastes good, and it's not just it. He keeps feeling so good. 

He must ask for it since Jayce said he can. As he finishes the juice and puts the box down he says: what do you want from a partner?

Jayce stares curiously at him and seems to be reflecting as he eats. He chews, taking pieces of his pizza, and when it's gone, he cleans his lips with a napkin. 

“Why do you ask?” He stares right at Viktor, then. “And won't eat?”

Yes. Eat. He must eat too. He takes a muzarela pizza and bites, while Jayce takes his box of juice and shakes. It's been years since Viktor had boxer juice, but when Jayce said they should get it, since the pizza place was out of juice, and Viktor doesn't drink refrigerant, he thought it was alright.

“I’m trying to figure out who would be the best partner for you.”

And Jayce seems surprised.

“When you said you got Earth, I didn't know much about you, but as we talked, including today, I came to the conclusion it fits you, you seem patient, and it's the big characteristic of people that got Earth as an element. You are patient and you are willing to learn and understand. Patience is a great virtue, but also it is Earth's weak point.”

And Jayce's face is getting colored again. Is this conversation making him embarrassed? He doesn't want it. “Why?” Jayce asks, curious. 

“Because you can think things are gonna get better, that you may give more time, that you have to see it through, understand, learn, be comprehensive. And this can be very tiring, consuming, and some can even exploit it.”

He realizes he can relate to it. Well, they can be similar in this, can't they? Even if Viktor's element would never be Earth.

“I see.” Jayce says and seems to reflect. As he does Viktor can feel his energy changing. He's getting dreary. Oh, no. It's his fault, right? He said the wrong thing, didn't he? He's trying to help, but it's clearly not working.

He has to fix it.

“I apologize, I put you in a bad mood. Didn't I?” 

Jayce doesn't look at him when he answers: It’s not your fault you just got it right.

“Well, it's kind of my fault because I'm good at this. I should have thought better of my words.”

Jayce shakes his head. “I think I did need to hear it. I keep trying to change, but end up doing the same things again and again. I think if the Water girl hadn't dissolved it, I would still be waiting for her. Isn't it pathetic?"

Oh. This sounds very much like him. But even though he thinks he himself is pathetic, he can't think the same about Jayce. 

“No, it's not. It’s hard to change patterns. I talk from my own experience. You must have figured it out, right? That I'm different?” He sips the last of his juice, the box making a disgusting sound. “Sorry.” 

Jayce's eyes meet his. Caring, soft. 

“You are autistic, right?”

So he knows. Viktor nods. “I would like to talk a bit more about dating if it's alright?”

Maybe he can help?

“Yes, it's fine.”

Okay. Viktor wants for him to get a partner with great compatibility. If he could match someone with the same element, it probably would have more chances of success. 

“The best combination would be with someone with the same element as you. Another person that is patient and deeply comprehensive. You both would be able to grow together. In theory of course.”

Everything is theory.

Jayce drinks his juice, and Viktor takes another pizza. He chews, humming. It's good. 

He knows Jayce can't choose in the app, but maybe if he understands he can choose after the match and think if he wants it or not.

“You see… Air is a good combination, but they usually get distracted easily, they don't do it purposely, but Earth needs attention to grow properly. Air is also very sensible, they carry everything, and get overwhelmed fast, and get sick. They are pure in a sense, and people should be gentle with them. They also can be very electric, so I can see why you felt old around them.”

Jayce nods, and takes another pizza.

“Water is good too, they are usually pacífic but they tend to follow the flux, to shape themselves trying to fit. And they can take many forms. They can help grow, they have patience too. They also can be very stubborn. Their negative side is to mold but to have their way.”

They chew in silence for a moment. He wanted to help, but can see his words aren't reaching his goal, Jayce is getting depressed again. Is he saying it wrong? Maybe it's because they aren't that alike. Yes. He keeps forgetting people aren't like him. They get hurt over things he doesn't understand much.

“I did it again. I'm making you sad.” He says. He hates it. He hates to be bad at it. “It’s not my intention at all. I'm really sorry.”

“No… It's not you. I'm just wondering if it's worth it. Dating. I'm just starting, but I'm already tired. But I can't seem to stop. Why?”

Doesn't he know? It's abundantly clear.  He smiles at him. “Because you want someone?”

And Jayce nods slowly.

Viktor knows what he needs. And he wants to help with it. “I would like to know what do you expect from a partner, if it's all right?” 

Again Jayce seems surprised.

“Well, I would like to meet someone more like me. Same age, or a bit older, good natured. I don't care about appearance, or money…”

Viktor suspected this. He's searching for feelings and commitment, not appearance or to have a good time. 

“Money can be very important.” Yes, it can solve problems. Also cause some.

“Yes, I mean it's not a criteria, but sure I wouldn't like to be the one paying everything just because. But I would like to treat and spoil them.”

He knows that. Viktor's smile grows. “You sure like to treat, you didn't even let me pay for my share.”

“I told you it would be on me the next time.”

Yes. This absurd man. Viktor nods. “Yes, you did say it.”

And Jayce smiles back. “I think that mostly I would like companionship, someone that stays by my side, that loves me, and who I can trust and feel safe with.” 

Viktor wants it for him too. He hopes he finds someone like this. He takes his last pizza, and eats slowly.

“Hypothetically, If you used the app, what do you think would be your element? Jayce asks suddenly.

Eh? He wasn't waiting for this question. Well, Jayce shared quite a lot, it's only fair, isn't it?

“Oh… hypothetically?”

Jayce nods.

“I see… even hypothetically my element isn't there. It's curious you ask it, because I myself have thought about it too. And I came to the conclusion my element would be technology.”

“Technology, and is that an element?”

And Jayce smiles, but it's not right. Viktor can see it in his eyes, something painful. What's happening? His energy is getting down again.

“It is for me. I'm methodical, practical, and most of my actions are programmed, working in the best way to function and solve issues.” 

He can't tell what is wrong. “I also can't feel romantic and sexual attraction. So it fits.”

It gets really bad. And Viktor feels bad too.

“I see. Huh. It's getting late. I should be going.”

Oh. It's late and Viktor keeps talking like a machine.

“Oh, yes, of course. I took a lot of your time. I'm sorry.”

Jayce shakes his head. “I enjoyed it.”

He doubts it. He doesn't seem to be enjoying himself.

“Really? You don't look like you are enjoying it right now.”

“I’m not feeling well.”

Yes. 

“Yes, I can tell. And we already ate, food might not work this time, so what can I do to help?”

And Viktor watches as Jayce stands, and then starts to clean the table. What? 

“Stop it!”  Viktor says.  He didn't mean to raise his voice, but why is Jayce doing it? He's not okay, but he keeps trying to take care of him. No. Viktor won't accept it.

He stands too, and walks towards him. What can he offer? Can't he help? Sure must have something he can do. “When I get very distressed a hug helps, usually I hug myself, and I don't know if you are the same. But would you like me to hug you?” 

He sees as Jayce shakes. Maybe he won't want it. 

“Yes… yes.”

Oh. So there's something he can offer.

Viktor moves slowly, hands wrapping around him. Their bodies touch and he feels warm immediately. Jayce embraces back, and he cries. Oh, no, Viktor's hands move by themselves, caressing his back softly. 

If Viktor could just take it away, his pain, his sadness. As he holds him he feels their energies merging. He hopes Jayce can feel his love. 

I love you. I love you so much. I wish I could hold you forever and to keep you safe.

Wait. Oh. He gets it. Why it felt different from his mom. He loves Jayce in another way. He doesn't know how to explain. But his mind gets filled with zeros and ones.

Slowly Jayce stops crying. His energy feels amazing now. Yes, it feels very much as if Jayce loves him back. Oh. That's it, right? Jayce loves him too.

“Are you feeling better? Did the hug help?” He asks, still holding him.

“Yes. Thank you.”

He feels so happy.

“Oh, thanks heaven.”

They stay in the embrace for a while, and Viktor reflects on the things he wants from him. He wants to learn more, and for Jayce to know about him. “When you feel better, and it's a good time I would like to talk about other things, your job, the life you have before, your dreams.”

“Okay.”

“I would like to know more about you. And tell you about me too. There's something happening, and I'm feeling like I will be able to talk about it without falling apart, if it's with you.”  Yes, he wants to be able to talk about Matchinery and those evil people.

“I would like that. To talk about you too.” Jayce says.

He smiles, feeling… loved. Yes, oh, it's been so long since he felt it without having to imagine it. He feels absurdly happy.

“That makes me happy.” He confesses. 

“Yes?”

Yes. He was happy the moment he saw his face today, and he says it.

“Actually I got happy the moment I saw you in the subway. I had such a terrible and tiring day, and then there were you.”

“I’m glad to hear it.”

Jayce pulls away, as he does, Viktor stares at him. Oh, he looks really good. Despite the tears, his face seems to be glowing. He's really magic, isn't he? 

And Viktor loves him. 

“You do seem better.” He says and smiles, he can't help it. 

And as Jayced smiles back, he feels it again. Jayce's love for him. He's loved back. 

His mom loved him. And it felt good. But she was the only one that he ever felt he wanted to love him too. 

But now love found him again.

When it's time for Jayce to leave, he asks if Viktor will be able to work the next day. And he can feel Jayce's worry. But it's not necessary, he won't work the complete shift.

“I think so, I will be going in the afternoon.” He feels as his answer eases it. And Jayce smiles. 

“See you there.”

As he goes, Viktor closes the door and goes to change and brush his teeth. He thinks about his feelings for Jayce. It's not friendship, right? 

Hum, this also doesn't seem romantic. No. He doesn't think about kissing, or having sex with him. Well, sex doesn't mean romance, it has nothing to do with it. 

It's more than friendship, but it also feels not romantic. He takes his phone as he sits on his bed. Before he puts it in charge, he searches: “What does it mean to feel something that's more than friendship, but also is not romantic?” 

And the Craft says: Feeling "more than friendship, but also not romantic" can describe a platonic relationship with a deep, affectionate bond…

Oh. He knows a bit about it because he remembers his research about his sexuality and also his research for Matchinery.

Still he searches for “Platonic Love”. 

Platonic Love: This refers to a profound, affectionate bond between two people that lacks romantic attraction or sexual desire…

This seems to match what he feels, but he doesn't like the world platonic. 

Hum, he thinks about it. Wait. He remembers a term he saw once. What was it? Something altering. 

Ah, yes.

He searches: alterous attraction

Alterous attraction is a desire for a deep emotional connection with someone that is neither strictly platonic nor romantic, often described as being in the middle or a combination of both, or as a distinct form of emotional attachment that falls outside those typical categories. People experiencing alterous attraction want to be emotionally close and have an intense bond, but without the romantic or sexual desires typically associated with a romantic relationship. 

Yes, that seems to fit better. 

… a distinct form of emotional attachment that falls outside those typical categories. People experiencing alterous attraction want to be emotionally close and have an intense bond, but without the romantic or sexual desires typically associated with a romantic relationship. 

This part. This seems to be it.

He wonders about Jayce's feelings for him. It must be just friendship for his part, right? He said they are friends and are going to be best friends. 

If they felt the same, If Jayce also didn't feel sexually or romantically attraction maybe they could… Could what? Have a relationship beyond friendship? 

No. It's not possible. He shouldn't think like this. It would be almost like to think that if he himself could feel romantic and sexual attraction he could date Jayce. 

Well, he can date Jayce, if Jayce wants it. If It would make him happy. But it wouldn't. Jayce is romantic. He wants other things. Things that Viktor can't give him. So, it's fine if Jayce just loves him as a friend. It's better this way. And Viktor will try to help more, so soon Jayce will find a good partner. 

He puts the phone to charge and goes to sleep. 

He dreams of course, it would be odd if he didn't. He dreams with the sun and numbers again. Zeros and ones. Forming another sequence he knows well. Again in his dreams the numbers have sensations. He just is not sure what the feeling is. 

He wakes up, brushes his teeth, relieves himself, and washes his hands. He takes his medicine, eats, and hums. He's feeling more pain today, as he walks through his place he can tell it will be hard to work today. But also he feels happy. He can't shake this feeling. He will see Jayce today again. Yes. Jayce said it. He wishes he was already there at work so he could see him soon. 

He checks his email and messages and realizes he and Jayce didn't share numbers. They forgot. Huh.

He gets back to bed till he has lunch. If time could just move faster. 

He lunches, brushes his teeth and showers. 

When the water falls on his pained body, he stares at his arms. His attention is in one of the fine lines of numbers. 

01110010 01100101 01101100 01100001 01110100 01101001 01110110 01101001 01110100 01111001…

It's the word “relativity.” He tattooed it after what happened with Ms Young to remember to never forget other people's perspective, to make sure other people are on the same page as him. He has been trying to follow it, even if he's not good at it. 

In his dream these numbers seemed to have something to do with Jayce. But how so? He doesn't know. But then again, dreams do not always make sense. 

He dries his body, gets dressed, grabs his backpack and cane, it's been a long time since he has to use it, and leaves. He needs to book an appointment with his doctor soon.

When he gets to work it's a bit past thirteen. He puts on his apron, and is surprised Jinx is there. It's not her shift. 

“Willow is sick.” She says without him asking. 

Oh. She's covering and Viktor also is working less hours. He feels guilty, he hates that because of him other people need to work more.

He cleans some tables, and wonders when Jayce will come, if he was here, Viktor sure would feel better. Because Jayce makes everything better. Just thinking about him already helps his mood a bit. 

He goes to help in the kitchen, and Jinx asks him to cover her break. He's in pain, but he wants to help. He nods and she smiles. 

“I will make it up to you.” She says, and it's odd. He's the one that should be making it up. 

It's once when he gets back, that he sees the one he has been longing for. He's sitting in a corner. Not his usual spot, and Viktor feels happy immediately. As Dean didn't get his table, Viktor takes the notepad and pencil walks there. The pain is the only thing slowing him down. 

“Good afternoon, Jayce.” He says, feeling his amazing energy right away. 

Jayce startles as he is distracted with his laptop, he closes the machine and turns to him, seeming a bit helpless, it's always a wonder to be able to stare in his eyes easily. But his face is so red, Viktor worries. Is he feeling well? 

“Hi… good… good afternoon.” 

“Are you feeling alright, Jayce?”

Jayce nods. “Yes. Of course.”

He moves immediately, getting close to him, and putting his hand on his forehead. He's not warm.

“You are not hot, but your face is red. Are you sure you are fine?”

He's not sick at least.

Jayce puts his hand over his and holds his hand with care. And it's like yesterday, he feels his love. 

“What does the numbers mean?” Jayce asks, eyes on his arms and Viktor remembers his dreams and that he feels something deeper for him. He feels his face burn.

Their eyes meet again and slowly Jayce lets go of his hand. But Viktor wishes he didn't have to.

“Just some words.” 

“What words?” 

Oh, he wasn't expecting this question. But if he has to explain about his tattoos, they are going to need time. And now he can't.

“I'm gonna tell you another time. You see, today I'm afraid I will not be able to spend my break with you. I'm covering someone's break.”

“Jinx’s?”

Eh? “Do you know her?”

He looks curious at him. Do they know each other?

“Not really, she just took care of my table yesterday.”

Ah. Yes. Of course. 

Viktor nods. Jinx is nice. “She’s a very nice young lady, easy to speak to.”

“Yes. She did a good job, but I missed you.” 

He didn't know that. But it makes him feel more love, absurdly so. Love is a feeling that makes you feel at peace and warm. 

He smiles. The curious thing is that he missed him too.  “How curious, I thought it was only me.”

And Jayce stares curiously at him. “You mean to say you missed me too?”

He hums. Yes. “I spent the whole day thinking about how I wanted to be working so I could meet you.” He sighs, he feels so tired. “I wish it would end soon, that I could just beat those bastards and be done with it.”

“What bastards?”

Oh, he shouldn't have mentioned it. Because he suddenly remembers that moment again. And he's filled with angst. “That's the issue I wanted to talk with you about. I guess this will have to wait a bit more.”

Jayce nods, but the way he's looking at him now makes Viktor want to stay.

“Viktor!”

But there's no helping it. He sighs. “I have to go, will you be getting the same order?” 

“Yes, please.”

He seems really fine, and Viktor can't help but smile at him. “I will bring it as soon as it's ready.”

Walking to the countertop, he sees Dean just came out of the kitchen with new bakeries.

“Oh, Viktor, thank god. Chef needs help, can you put these for show?” 

He nods and as Dean puts the buig tray over the countertop. Viktor puts on the gloves and starts to replace the food on show. Then he takes the big tray back to the kitchen, Dean and Chief are baking something that smells sweet. 

Back outside, he cleans the countertop.

Then he takes a round tray, puts plates and grabs a mug. He cuts a piece of pie and fills the mug with coffee. 

As he reaches the table, Jayce is laughing, and it's a really pretty sight.

“I see you are in good humor.” He says and Jayce smiles before turning to him. “Yes, I’m. I'm dissolving things with my actual match.”

Oh. So he has reached a decision. Viktor nods. “I see.” 

And Jayce's eyes fall on the tray he's holding.

“Oh, let me help you.” He puts the pie and coffee on the table and just now Viktor feels glad. It was really hurting. 

“Thank you.”

“It's nothing. Are you feeling better?”

He puffs, he's so tired today. “I have had worse, but I won't be working in the evening at last.”

Jayce nods. “What time do you leave?”

He will be working only four hours. 

“Six o'clock.”

“Would you like to take the subway with me?”

This offer surprises him. Yes, he would like it. The smile finds its way on his face again. “I would love to.”

He would love it if they could do it everyday.

As Jayce smiles back at him, their eyes meet in that easy way. Then Jayce's olive face is getting pink again. Is it normal? 

The other man turns to the laptop. The big hand moving in the touchpad. He has pretty hands. Well, he's very well done. 

Is he dissolving it?

“You are doing it now?” Viktor asks.

“Yes.”

He can only see Jayce's face, he watches as his expression changes from happy, to surprised when a mechanical sound echoes, and then his expression changes to curiosity

“Something is happening.” He says.

Huh? He wonders what it is. “What is happening?”

“I don't know…” 

He keeps staring at the screen.

“It's burning?”

He gets it. “Oh, you matched with Fire, didn't you?”

Jayce doesn't answer, no, and suddenly he seems put down. 

“Huh, it's sad.”

What? Why? He gets more curious. “Can I take a look?”

As Jayce nods, Viktor gets close to the table. The laptop is turned to him and he stares at it. On the screen there's just burned ground. He waits a moment. It's not right. And doesn't make sense.

“Nothing is growing.” The program shouldn't run like this. 

“What?” 

He meets Jayce's eyes again. “After the fire, new plants should grow, fire can bring renovation, but there's only destruction. It shouldn't be like this.” He says, but Jayce keeps staring at him without saying a thing. 

“Did you hear me?”

Jayce nods, blinking slowly. “Y… yes, something should be growing. Blooming.”

Viktor nods and stares back at the screen. Is it some kind of bug? “Yes. I think the programmation is presenting errors.”

“Has it happened before?”

Not that he can remember. 

“No, well, at least not when I was the one programming it.” He says, voice flat. He hates it, that it's been used by other people.

He sees when a phrase takes form on the screen. 

Your matchinery partner is YourLastChance01.

“You aren't programming it anymore?” Jayce asks. 

“No.” 

He waits for Jayce to click on it, but he doesn't. He also is not eating. “Won’t you click on it? And your coffee is getting cold.”

Slowly Jayce takes a hold of the mug and sips his coffee, before clicking on the touchpad with his other hand. As the screen takes them to his new match profile, Viktor feels an uneasy feeling. Something creeping in the back of his mind. 

His match is a man. Pronous: he/his. 40 years old. Viktor takes a look at the picture. That creep feeling grows. There's something wrong with this person. And Viktor is getting sick, body tensing up.

“I don't like it.” It escapes him. 

“What?” Jayce asks. 

“I don't like him.”

“Why?” Their eyes meet and Jayce seems confused.

He doesn't know what to say really. He also doesn't want to ruin things for him. Maybe he's wrong. 

“I don’t know, I just have a bad sensation… huh, I’m sorry, I shouldn't be saying it. You should contact the site maintenance about the error.”

“Are you alright?”

“Viktor!”

He sighs. He wants to go home. 

“No. I’m not. I…I’ll be back in a moment.”

He walks to the back to the countertop, pain pulsing on his leg again, he tries to figure out what it exactly he's feeling. He feels unsafe, as if he is in danger. 

As he gets there Jinx is back. 

“Can you help me with… wait, are you alright, dude?”

He's not. He shakes his head.

“Do you need to use the deposit? I can take care of the table.”

He nods. 

“Gotcha.”

It's really weird, he starts to walk there, but with every step he feels worse, and suddenly a fear takes over him. He will take you. He stops and comes back and she stares confused at him. 

“I can't go there.” He says. Usually he loves to be alone, it makes him feel safe, but just now, he feels he can't be alone.

“Okay, what do you wanna do?”

He doesn't know, but he hears it: the check, please.

Its Jayce's voice. 

He turns and goes to him. Jayce, he should have stayed close to him, yes.

He reaches the table, willing his mind to focus only on Jayce and his energy. He takes the payment machine, his hands shaking and asks: Debit?

It's not enough. He… wants to ask for it. 

“Viktor…”

He tips the prices. Jayce… help.

“I think you need to take a break.”

He needs it. He meets his eyes. Please. He's not sure what he needs. So he asks for the only thing that comes to mind.

“Would you… hold me for a moment?”

Jayce smiles, standing immediately. 

Viktor's body is acting odd, it moves away from him, like if startled, he gets a shaking feeling, but Jayce catches him, wrapping him in his arms. 

Please, protect me. Please don't let me be alone. He doesn't know why he's thinking this way. What's happening? He shakes between Jayce's arms, but it's not enough. “A bit more tight, please.”

And Jayce just does as he says, holding him with a bit more strength. Viktor feels the warmth of his energy, of his skin, his smell. It's perfect. It's like home. “That way. I… I know it's unprofessional but…”

He knows he shouldn't be asking for it. 

“It's not, everyone needs a hug once in a while. And you can always ask for hugs from me. Or anything.” Jayce says. 

This man is really absurd. His words make him laugh, face pressed on his chest.

“Isn’t anything too much?”

“I don't think so.”

He's not in the right mind to question it.

“Okay.”

They stay in the embrace and like last night, he wishes they didn't part. “You can let go now.” It's impossible, what he wants is impossible. 

As they move, Viktor smiles at him. “I’m better now.”

Yes. It's amazing to be loved. 

He takes the machine again and Jayce pays. Before he goes, he says: I’m going to wait for you at the end of my shift. 

Jayce nods. “I will come to take you.”

The moment Jayce walks out, everything that happened comes back to him. And he gets a mortifying feeling. He asked Jayce to hold him at his work. When they aren't even best friends. It's not right. Even if he knows Jayce loves him, he shouldn't ask too much of the other man. Soon he will find it tiresome. A burden. Because Viktor gets sick all the time. 

He goes take a tray and cleans the table. As more customers are coming in, he takes the tables. 

That man that matched with Jayce. That's a bad man, isn't it? He should warn Jayce. No, if  he does he will ruin it. Maybe it wasn't the man, maybe it was something else. He doesn't know for sure.

He takes the orders and Jinx prepares it. She says to him to take a break and he does. But he doesn't go to the deposit. He still doesn't feel like he can be alone. He takes his headphones, it's been a while since he used it. He puts them on and plays some soft songs to ease his mind.

He sits on the little chair and eats some pie with juice. Then he attends the people who buy take to go. 

When Jayce gets back, he's cleaning tables, one hand supporting his body on the table and the other rubbing a wet dishcloth on its surface. He stops. It's like that first day, the light of the dying sun behind him outlines his body, and with the soft song, he seems like a magical creature. Viktor realizes he has loved Jayce since then. 

As their eyes meet, he says: Oh, I'm almost done.

Jayce nods. 

“It's fine, take your time.” 

Okay. He smiles and finishes his work. Then he goes to the back, puts the dishcloth on the sink, and washes the remaining dishes. It doesn't take much. He dries his hands, and goes to the change room to take his backpack. 

When he reaches Jayce the other man stares at him.

“Give me your bag.”

Huh. It's not… okay. He slides it out of his shoulder and holds it for him. He needs to stop it. But he doesn't seem to be able to because he likes it. 

“Thank you.”

Jayce takes the backpack and stands, putting it on his left shoulder. 

“Lets go.”

He's bossing, is he not? But Viktor likes it too. 

Chapter Text

He should have figured this out early. He can sense other people's energy, feel their intentions, their feelings. But he also understands that there was a series of unfortunate events happening recently, so he reflects on all the times he should have realized Jayce's true feelings.

That first day at his place, Jayce wasn't feeling right and Viktor himself had had a terrible day. It's actually surprising that he was able to feel Jayce's feelings for him. 

Then there was the day in the coffee shop that Jayce matched with that… monster. Vitkor can't think about that man like anything else. Viktor got sick that day. Even when they talked in the subway and came back to his place, he was not in his right mind to perceive it properly.

After that they met on that deeply painful day when Viktor saw the news and worried so much for Jayce he had to call him. Even if he can't make a call without having an anxiety crisis. Jayce came over and Viktor took care of him. Okay, he concedes Jayce's energy that day was very strong, full of love for him. Viktor could sense Jayce only wanted good things for him. But he thought it was a friendship thing.

He was happy with friendship, even if he wanted more. Was conforming himself with the impossibility of his wish. 

It's curious, but it makes sense that he realizes it in the coffee shop. The same place where he met this magical man. 

It was on Tuesday, Vitkor had an appointment with his doctor and combined with Jayce to meet him on his lunch break. He was concerned after his consultation, not because he got bad news, but because his relationship with this doctor has become stressful through the last year. His last doctor retired and this new one doesn't treat him like the latter. 

Viktor used to have a good relationship with his old doctor because they had a mutual understatement of Viktor's needs and of each other's boundaries.

Viktor doesn't like to be touched, yes, but he knows he needs to be touched and examined. So his old doctor would always ask if he could examine him and Viktor would undress and put on the hospital robe and lay on the litter. The doctor would take a look at his legs and say to him flex it, move his fingers. Then he would check for hematoma or anything that shouldn't be there. In the end he would step back and Viktor would put his clothes back. 

Just then the doctor would give him a prescription and ask him to run some exams. 

This new doctor doesn't examine him no matter if Viktor complains about his pain, about his skin getting warm and pulsing. He just asks for exams. It has happened all the times he came to see him. Viktor has thought about trying to find another doctor, but this one is a high specialist, the only one on his health plan. If he wants a different one, he will have to search out of his plan and it won't be covered. And it's not like this doctor is bad, he has normal energy, but not having his body examined makes Viktor anxious. And he had to ask for it. The doctor made a face and Viktor felt bad.

It's hard to ask for things. In the end the doctor examined him and saw he had a hematoma on his groin, a swollen lymph node. He thinks it must be some infection, but as he's not sure, he asked for a resonance and gave him instructions on how to treat it. And also prescribed antibiotics and ten seasons of physiotherapy.

So when Viktor gets to the coffee shop his mind is a bit troubled. It dissolves of course when he sees Jayce is already there. He walks with his cane and smiles even if he's in pain.

“Jayce, good afternoon.”

“Hey.” The other man says. He's very pretty today in his formal clothes. And Viktor loves him.

He sits, feeling Jayce's good energy right away. This warms him up.

“Was your appointment okay? You aren't sick, are you?” Jayce asks and Viktor can feel his concern.

It's soon to say, but as the doctor said it was probably nothing. He shakes his head. “No. I just have been getting more pain lately. I believe it's due to stress, but also I'm getting old. I’ll start on physiotherapy again this week.”

He already booked the first season through the health plan app, it will be close to where they live.

“Look who's here, the employee of the month.” A voice he knows says and he turns to Jinx. She smiles at him, her easy energy reaching him too. “You doing better, dude?” 

“Oh, hello, Jinx. I'm quite fine, what about you?” 

She shrugs, but seems fine. “The same, you know, the world is ending, but we have to pay the bills. So, what can I getcha?” 

As she asks he feels Jayce's eyes on him. Their eyes meet easily as usual. 

“What will you be getting?” He asks and Jayce only stares at him.  The stare goes on, and Viktor gets curious. What's it?

“Earth to lovebird?” Jinx says and Jayce blinks and slowly stares at her. She's smirking, Viktor realizes. Does she find them funny?

“Oh, I will be getting the usual.” Jayce says and Viktor feels like it too.

“I will want the same.” He says and their eyes meet again. It is always so good, so natural. He smiles. I love you. And Jayce smiles back. That amazing smile of his makes Viktor more happy. 

“Gotcha, be back soon.” He hears Jinx saying, but they keep staring at each other. Huh. There's something different with him today. But he doesn't know what it is. It's in his eyes. 

“Is everything okay at work?” 

Jayce nods, and he seems to be good, relaxed. Viktor can tell he's happy. Truly, it's bursting out of him. And it's amazing. That's all he wants for him.

“We are having an easy week. Oh, I got some personalized bookmarks, they are made of tissue, it's really detailed work. I was wondering if you wouldn't want some?”

Oh, he loves bookmarks, so it captures his attention immediately.

“Bookmarks?” He asks curiously. And Jayce nods again. He watches as he takes his phone. He activates it and then searches for a while before turning it to him.

There on the screen there's a picture of four bookmarks made of tissue. They are pretty. He would love to have one of these.

“I want it too.” Viktor says, moving his eyes from the little screen and meeting Jayce's eyes again. He's thinking about how much he loves him when he gets it. It's in the way Jayce looks at him, the profoundness of his stare full of love. And he feels it on his energy too. Has it always been there? 

They keep staring at each other as he reflects about it.

“Here we go.” It's Jinx's voice that brings him back. 

And he realizes Jinx knows too, she just said it some moments ago. She called him lovebird. He didn't understand it at first and thought it was some new slang or something. He can't keep up with all the new kinds of informal talking. 

He blinks surprised. Oh. Jayce loves him romantically.

Jayce looks at her while she puts their orders on the table. “Thanks.” He says and Viktor loses the last thing she says because he couldn't put much attention to it, he's still processing this new information. 

Romantic. Jayce has romantic feelings for him. Possibly sexual feelings too. Oh, god. 

“What did she say?” Viktor asks. 

“Something about ruining the mood.”

What does it mean?

“What mood?”

Jayce shakes his head. “That’s what I was wondering too.” He laughs, seeming relaxed and eased. And Viktor can't help but smile again.

Yes, anyway Jayce comes to love him is good. He just wonders why Jayce didn't say a thing? Does he think Viktor will be put out by it? Disgusted? He would never.

They sip their coffees and start to eat their pies. He hums, enjoying the taste. 

“How is your match going?” Viktor asks. He moves his eyes now, thinking about how curious all this is, and he stares through the windows. People are passing by, but he's not really seeing them. He remembers what Jayce asked that day when they came back from the green store.

He asked why only the same element matches are the ones to have couples forms. It was a fair mistake, but now Viktor is starting to understand why he was feeling bad that day. Because he must have come to the same conclusion as Viktor, that they aren't a match at all. So no couples form. 

“She seems very nice. We are planning to meet on friday."

Jayce got a new match with the same element as him, there's a huge chance it will work as it should. He hopes she can give him all Viktor can't.

“I see. Will it be here?”

“No. She will pick the place.” 

He hums again, moving his eyes back to him. He can't change himself and knows it's not his fault he's the way he's, but still he feels guilty.

“I hope everything works perfectly.” He says. 

I hope you find all you need. I'm sorry I can't do it for you no matter how much I love you. 

“Me too.” 

As they part ways and he gets in the subway, Jayce walking him there, he wonders how long has it been going, when it started, then realizes it was probably there from the beginning, he knows he loved Jayce from the first day, it could be the same for the other man too. 

He understood he couldn't see it because of the many bad events that happened, but maybe he didn't want to see it. Because he has to accept that someone will suffer again because he can't correspond to their feelings. But it's worse because this time he has feelings too. 

As he gets home he wonders if Jayce is suffering because of it. Ms Young suffered deeply, the way she cried. Viktor would hate to see Jayce go through it. But also it's not his fault. He can't force things. He can't pretend. 

*****

He spends the rest of the week thinking about it, about him and Jayce. He tries to think about it like he does with programmation.

Define the problem: Jayce has romantic and possible sexual feelings for him and he doesn't have the same feelings for the other man.

However, he does have feelings for Jayce, deep and strong feelings.

Design the solution: If Jayce confessed to him, he could just say he doesn't feel the same. But that would probably hurt him. 

And Viktor doesn't want him to suffer at all. He could say to him that he does have feelings for him, but he's sure he can't fulfill his wishes. He's not the ideal partner. 

They could date if it would make Jayce happy, but he cannot pretend. He can't force himself, not even for him.

If it comes to it, they should just have an honest talk and stay as friends. 

Stay friends. That's it. 

Write the code: He keeps being his friend as he said. They talk through text and Jayce sends him more pictures of cute things he got through his work. Viktor is pretty happy with his new bookmarks. Jayce gave him all the fours. Said he had more, but Viktor could feel his white lie. He didn't mind it, he actually liked it. He likes to be treated and spoiled. 

*****

He gets a new dream on thursday night. In his dream it's all warm and comfy, yes, because he's between Jayce's warms, held in his perfect embrace as a new series of numbers surrounds them… 01000110 01101100 01100101 01111000 01101001 01100010 01101001 01101100 01101001 01110100 01111001…

Those numbers he knows very well too. When he wakes up, he stares at his arms, at the fine line of numbers that carries the word “flexibility”. It was actually his first tattoo.

He has always tried to adapt. Well, he didn't have much choice, because if he didn't he would not succeed, wouldn't be able to carry on with his life at all. He realized at a very young age he had to adapt, even if it was a big struggle for him. 

With the passing of the years he came to know this other word. And it changed his perception of adaptation, or better put, he didn't like adaptation because it seemed something he didn't have a choice, but flexibility was an adaptation made by choice. A willingness to change, to improve. He wanted to be like this. To be flexible when he saw necessary, when he felt like it.

He wonders again what it has to do with Jayce. Probably nothing? Or maybe it means he is flexible towards him? He doesn't know.

He has to go to court again today. And the thought itself makes him anxious. But the dreadful feeling isn't as strong as it used to be. Maybe it's because his mind is focused on another matter.

He brushes his teeth, relieves himself, and washes his hands. Takes his medicine and eats. As he eats he thinks this makes sense. There are many things that are a struggle for him that are easy to do with Jayce. Like holding hands, hugging, sleeping together, meeting the eyes. It's a natural adaptation, he guesses his soul is willing to change for him. Incorrect, it doesn't feel like a change at all. It just feels like the way it's supposed to be.

He doesn't feel like he has to adapt to Jayce. There's no need to adapt at all. 

He cleans a bit and gets back to bed and as he checks his phone he sees he received an email from his lawyer. She never calls him and he's glad for that. 

The Subject Line says: Great News

Dear Mr. Aiken

I'm sending this email to inform you of the progress in your case. After some research and prodding we were able to find your old colleague Miss Sky Young. 

We have tried to talk with her on your behalf to ask her to depose, but she refused to talk with me in person and instead asked to pass her new contact information to you, the only person she agreed to talk with. 

This left me no choice, but let this task in your care.

Attached to this email follows her contact information. Let's see if we can bring her to depose next week. 

Please do not hesitate to contact me with any questions or concerns.

Best regards,

/s

Mel Merdara

Attorney in charge

Golden Triumph Law Association

Oh, she found her. He feels nervous suddenly. It's been years since they faced each other. Their relationship became only formal. He wonders if she will accept to depose in his favor. Does she still resent him? 

Guess he will have to figure it out. He opens the archive attached and copies her new email address.

He writes her an email.

Dear Miss Young 

I hope this email finds you well. If it's not a good time, please let me know.

I know it's been years since we last talked. Did your old email dont work anymore? I have been trying to contact you in respect of an issue I have been facing these days. I'm writing this email in the hope we could meet, so I could explain to you what's happening and if possible I would like to ask for your help.

It's related to Matchinery. 

Let me know if we can settle a date to meet.

All regards

Viktor Aiken

He sends it and stays in bed reading a little. He just started Alien - Sea of Sorrows, he's enjoying it mostly because this is really a different approach in the series. It has an empathic main character that not only can feel people's feelings and intentions but also the aliens’. 

When it's time for lunch, he uses one of his new bookmarks to save the page and he goes to heat up some soup he did yesterday before going to his physiotherapy season. He has learned that he has to do things before the seasons, because after the seasons his legs hurt more, it's the hurt of rehabilitation, and it really hurts before it starts to get better. Today he is still in pain from it, but it's a bit better than yesterday.

He lunches thinking about many things, Jayce, Miss Young, that terrible man he has to see today again. He brushes his teeth, and showers. 

He puts on a suit, grabs his cane and leaves.

The court is bothersome as always. It's loud and people seem always to be in hurry, he can sense the pain, the fights, the evil.

He meets his lawyer. 

“Good afternoon, Vitkor. How are you feeling today?” She asks.

“Good afternoon, Ms Merdara. I'm quite fine. How about you?”

She nods. “Are you sure you are okay?”

At least for the moment. He nods.

“Well I brought water and chocolate. And booked a private room just in case.” 

Ah. Usually he would feel ashamed and pathetic for needing it, but he likes it now. He likes to be cared for.

“Thank you.”

She shakes her head. “This is nothing.” They move, walking side by side. “Were you able to make contact with your colleague?” 

“I sent an email, but didn't get any word back yet.” He says and they reach the room where the season will happen.

They stop and she stares at him, the same way she does, striking. “Guess you will have to put up your game, Viktor.” She says and he can feel the challenge in her energy and hear it in her tone. 

He holds her stare. He understands what she's saying. 

“I’m bad with calls, I feel sick. But I will try it. I will do my best.” 

She smiles, seeming satisfied and he feels good. That conquering feeling transferring to him.

“We can do it here if it will help. I can stay by your side.”

“It wouldn't be necessary, I have a friend I can ask for help. But I will call her.” 

She nods. “Okay, I will let it in your care.”

They get in the room and sit, for the next few hours he has to hear that man lying in front of everyone. He says they created the project for Matchinery and recruited him to do collaborative work. The bastard! Viktor knows it's his fault for not having got a lawyer when Hexcorp reached him. He doesn't understand anything about contracts and admits he was very naive. 

Ms Merdara was surprised when she examined his contract. Turns out there's no information about the creator of the application, a vital information that must be detailed in any contract of this kind. She believes this contract is proof of their bad intentions. She also said it wasn't his fault. That this could happen to anyone. But he's a smart person, he should have known.

When they appealed on this matter, Hexcorp responded that that is their normal contract for collaborative work. Where the disclosure of the ownership of the project was not necessary. 

They are really mean people. And the energy of Mr Reveck and his lawyer makes Viktor sick again.

At the end of the day, Viktor is relieved that at least that mean man doesn't approach him.

He gets in the subway, Ms Merdara walking him there again even if he said it's not necessary. Every time he meets her her belly seems bigger, but she moves like it's no bother. But he can feel she's getting tired. It's inevitable, and soon she’ll have to take a break. He wonders what it will mean to his case. 

As he gets in there's no vacant seat and he moves to the next car, that's when he sees him. He feels profoundly happy and walks to him. 

“Jayce?”

Jayce's head moves immediately, eyes landing on him and Viktor can see it in full time his reaction to him, he sighs deeply, and smiles in a way so pretty it's almost unbearable. His smile slides easy and free on his face too. He loves him so much.

He's wearing  his formal clothes, yes, he worked today. He really looks good in it, but Viktor has had the experience of seeing him in his common clothes and usually Jayce seems more free in them.

He walks to him, the cane making a thud sound, and sits at his side. 

“Are you coming back from your date?”

He nods, still staring at him. Oh. So he went there and met her. Was it good? Was it the perfect match?

“How was it?” He asks. Please, let it work.

“I hated it.”

Oh, no. He feels sad. He hoped so much for it to be good.  “Oh, I'm sorry, Jayce.” And now Jayce stares differently at him. Is he feeling okay? His energy is changing. “Did she treat you badly?” 

He shakes his head. “No, she was really nice, and I think that was the perfect date.”

Eh? He doesn't get it. If it was the perfect date, why did he say hated it and why is his energy getting down?

“I don't follow, you said you hated it.”

Jayce nods and keeps looking at him that way, like his full attention is on Viktor, it's intense but also soft. That's because the way Jayce loves him is really good. He feels his love, but suddenly it's mixed with pain. No, there shouldn't be any pain. Why is he feeling pain in loving him? Ah, is it because of that?

“Why did you hate it?” He asks, but he gets a feeling he knows the answer. 

“Because I wanted it to be you.” He sounds pained and it breaks Viktor's heart. 

He understands what's happening, Jayce is confessing to him. He wasn't expecting it, but also knew it could happen. He waits, he wants to hear all he has to say, he wants for Jayce to see he is not disgusted. He will still love him no matter what.

“I know it's not right, because you are my friend, and you should not feel like this about your friends, and also… I… I'm conscious it's impossible because you don't have this kind of feeling, and you would never date me, but…”

Eh? He almost smiles. “No, I would.”

And Jayce blinks at him, he seems so surprised it's quite cute.

“What did you say?” He asks in an incredulous tone.

The subway is stopping, it's bad timing but it can't end here, they need to talk properly, so he can explain how he feels and make sure they keep being friends. 

He asks for it: would you like to come to my place?

Again he's taking Jayce to his home, he thinks next time he should ask to go to Jayce's place. If there's a next time. No. There will be. They can fix it. If they stay together all is going to be fine. 

They walk in silence, he wants to reach for him, to hold him and say: I don't want to ever let you go.

But he doesn't know if it's what Jayce wants. Still he thinks they really can keep their relationship, he hopes they can. But he's getting a bit afraid. 

As they get in, they walk to the living room and sit on the couch. Side by side, close, but not touching. He doesn't know if he's still allowed to.

He stares at him and Jayce meets his eyes in that easy way. He seems troubled, confused. 

“I said I would date you.” Viktor says. 

And Jayce blinks at him. 

“But you are aroace.”

He knows the term? “Aroace.” Viktor repeats. “You have done some research?” He asks and can see Jayce's cheeks getting pink. He's embarrassed for some reason.

“I’m sorry, I just wanted to understand you.”

Oh. And isn't it something really amazing? He wants to be understood by him and also wants to understand him too.

He smiles contentedly. “I'm glad. Yes, I'm aroace. But that doesn't mean I can't date.”

“You said it was impossible for you to use the app.”

Oh. He sees where he's getting it wrong.

“Oh, I see, well, it's really impossible because I can't see a point in searching for partners or dates. But I have told you people can date for many reasons, haven't I?”

Jayce nods. 

Okay. He will explain.

“You see, it's quite simple. I would date you if it would make you happy.”

And Jayce seems more surprised.

“Viktor, what are you…”

“I want to make you happy, that's all I want, and I have considered this possibility more than once, since I got afraid you won't get a proper match, but I'm also aware I would not be a good match at all, because you sure want things I can't give you.” He says and Jayce seems more confused. 

“You would date me to make me happy, but not because you have feelings for me, right? It would be a friend thing?”

Viktor reflects about it. No, it's not it.

“Hum, I know friends can date each other, to help in situations, fake relationships of sorts, but I didn't think of it like that, I can't fake things. And I do have feelings for you, I have told you I love you.” As he says it he can feel an improvement in Jayce's energy.

“As a friend.” Jayce insists. 

No. It's not as a friend, but it's hard to explain.

“I don't think so? I also don't think it's a romantic feeling, but… I'm trying to think of a way to explain…”

He is searching for the right words. He remembers the many times he talked with Jayce and that made him feel worse somehow. He doesn't want it to happen today. He wants to say it in a proper way. Ok, here it goes.

“If I could… I would like to hold you forever. Is it what friends feel for each other?”

His searches say it's not. And it doesn't feel like it, but then again he's not used to having friends at all.

And now Jayce seems astonished.

“You would like to hold me forever?” 

Viktor nods, and somehow he feels self conscious, his face heats up. “Yes, but I know you will want more than a hug, isn't that right? So you probably should search for someone that can really match you.” 

Sure there's better matches out there. You deserve more. Everything. 

“I don't want someone else, I want you.”

Oh. He's so direct, someone has confessed to him before, but her words didn't have this effect on him. His face burns. 

So. Is it okay? 

“I see. Would a hug be enough?”

Is it not impossible?

“Isss.” Jayce breathes out, it's such a low whisper Viktor couldn't hear it right. 

“What?” 

Their eyes meet and it's clear as day. Jayce is really in love with him and it makes him more pretty, eyes glassy, face all pink, is that why he was always blushing? It makes sense.

“Would a kiss be possible?” 

A kiss? He thinks about it. He must mean a lover kiss.

“A kiss? Ah, you mean a kiss on the lips, right?”

Jayce's face is glowing. It's kind of entrancing. He nods and now Viktor takes it in consideration. Could they kiss? He has kissed before, he hated it. But he didn't love that person. He loves Jayce, at least he could try, but what if it happens again, if he hurts him as he did to her and Jayce starts to hate him? He couldn't deal with it.

“I don't know, I haven't thought about it. Huh, I don't think I would be against trying. But Jayce… I don't want to make you feel bad if I don't like it. You need to know that I don't want to hurt your feelings in any way. As I said I can't fake things, I will not be able to pretend as other people do.”

And Jayce smiles big and deeply. He seems magical even without the sun around him. “That’s good, because I don't want you to pretend.”

Huh. He won't hate him? He feels it in his energy, sees it in his eyes. He's honest. Viktor trusts him. 

“Okay?”

Jayce gets close to him and Viktor gets nervous. Is it really okay? Won't it ruin things? Their eyes stay on each other and he sees as Jayce moves his hand slowly. “Can I touch your face?” 

Yes, of course. He nods. 

And Jayce breathes down. He seems very nervous too, and attentive. What should he do? He doesn't know, so he just waits.

His fingers are warm and the moment they slide on his skin it sends a wave of warmth and love through Viktor's body. As the fingers caress his face his mind is filled with that last series of numbers. 

01000110 01101100 01100101 01111000 01101001 01100010 01101001 01101100 01101001 01110100 01111001…

Flexibility, the willingness to adapt. 

He smiles, starting to relax. 

Jayce stares at him in wonder, does it seem special to him too? His energy is getting stronger.

“Can I kiss you?” 

Ah. He wants to try, but the past still affects him. He fears making the same mistake. It's worse because this is the person he loves the most, he wouldn't forgive himself.

“You wouldn't hate me if I don't like it?”

Jayce shakes his head and curiously he seems a bit silly. “I could never hate you.” He's being honest again.

Slowly Viktor nods. He will trust they will find a way. 

He watches as that face he loves gets close, and then very softly, his lips brushes on his. Oh. This simple tender caress feels marvelous. It's a variation he didn't know was possible. How can it be? He gets so surprised all he does is stare. And as Jayce moves away slowly all Viktor can say is: oh.

“Do you hate it?”

He shakes his head, feeling like waking up from a dream, he never thought it was possible. He stares at Jayce's lips. They felt so tender, so… 

“No. That was… I didn't know it could feel like this. I don't think I will like the other kind, but this…” He touches his own lips with his long fingers. “I wouldn't mind… I… can I kiss you too?”

And Jayce stares so softly at him, suddenly he seems fragile. 

“Yes, please.”

Viktor smiles, moving towards him. 

Viktor brushes his lips on his very softly, he feels it again. That tender marvelous feeling. It's so good. And as he keeps pecking him his mind fills with another series of ones and zeros.

01110010 01100101 01101100 01100001 01110100 01101001 01110110 01101001 01110100 01111001…

Everything is relatively, yes. 

He pulls away slowly, and Jayce seems so happy, it makes Viktor feel absurdly glad.

“Your lips are so soft. And I like the face you are making.”

And Jayce's happy face seems curious.

“What… what face I'm making?”

“Happy face? If I knew it was all you needed to make this face I would have kissed you before.”

Jace gets more pink and he seems so, so happy. It's kind of striking. Viktor blinks at him. “Jayce… this face right now, I wish you could always be like this. I… I'm going to hold you.”

He can't help it, he moves, arms embracing him, their bodies meeting, and their energy merging. Jayce embraces back. “I love you.” He says warm on his shoulder. All absurdly tender. It feels very much as if they are both surrounded by the sun.

“I already know that, Jayce.” 

They stay in the embrace, perfect, that's all he wants, and a last series of numbers occupates his mind.

01001100 01101111 01110110 01100101…

Love. Yes. They love each other.

“Wouldn't you say it back?”

Eh? 

“Why?” Can't he feel it too? Doesn't he already know?

“What do you mean why?”

“Well, you already know it too.”

He doesn't understand.

“It's just the expected, when someone tells you they love you, and you love them too, you say it back.”

Huh.

“Why would that be?” 

“I don't know…”

Wait. Unless.

“Would it make you happy?”

“Yes.”

Oh, he sees, he smiles on his neck.

“I love you too.” As he says it, he sees the tree lines of numbers in his mind. Surrounding and moving around them. And he gets it, suddenly everything makes sense. 

He pulls away and Jayce stares confused at him. “Everything alright?”

He nods. Yes. “Can you give me a moment?”

“Yes, of course.” 

He leaves the couch and goes to take his tablet. He gets it and comes back sitting very close to Jayce.

“Hold it for me.” 

Jayce holds and Viktor takes out his suit jacket. He opens some buttons in the top of his long shirt, rolls up his sleeves and pushes out his shoes. Then he takes back the tablet. He smiles at him. “Thank you.” And he lays his body on him, getting comfy.

“What are you doing?” The other man asks.

“I just got… wait a moment…” The tablet comes to life and he goes to the edition program. Gocreator. With the tablet pen he traces the form he saw on his mind and the lines of numbers surrounding it. 

As he goes improving the drawing, Jayce rests his chin on his shoulder, getting more close to him, hands sliding around his waist. And it feels just perfect.

He understood he got it wrong. Even if he thinks he created Matchinery to all people, he can also see he still followed the romantic norm. As he himself didn't understand it, he used the form he came to contact even if it never really made sense to him. 

Now that he has a grasp of what he feels, he wants to create a new app. Where people of all kinds can bond, no compatibility necessary. Huh, there's so much he has to think and take in consideration.

The form of the two people embracing gets clear and clear on the tablet.

“Are you hungry?” He asks.

“Actually, yes. I didn't know you drew the art too.”

“Just the basic concept. I could cook something.”

“This doesn't look basic to me. Aren't you tired? We can order in.”

“My skills aren't the best, the first version of the site had very low quality animation.” It was actually Hexcorp who improved the quality. To think they could have done so much together if they weren't mean. “What are you in the mood for?”

“Burgers.”

“In the plural?” He giggles. He has realized Jayce has a bigger appetite than his, which makes sense since he's big. 

“Yep.” 

“Can you order it?” 

He feels as Jayce moves, for his peripheral vision he can see as he takes his phone. 

“Juice?”

“Yes, please.” And he has the first draft. He looks at it and Jayce's face slides on his shoulder again. “What do you think?”

“Are they technological lovers?”

“No, they aren't lovers, they share a bond.” 

“Oh.”

“I’m thinking about a new app.” He says and turns to him.

Jayce seems curious. “A new app? How will it be called?,

Viktor smiles. “UnMatchinery.” 

Chapter Text

They eat the burgers on the couch, it was Jayce who went to take it from the delivery person while Viktor went to change his clothes for comfy ones. He ended up taking some clothes for Jayce too and now they are both much more comfortable. As he chews on his burger and drinks his juice, this time not from a little box, he is thinking about Jayce. Precisely about Jayce and him. There's still something they have to talk about,  even if Viktor doesn't have much experience in this kind of relationship, his long research about the matter was very informative about many issues.

He's holding up because the feeling he has now, the feeling they both are sharing is so amazing he wants to enjoy it for a little more. He wishes this could go on forever. This feeling of safety, cosyness and love. But he's also conscious this is not realistic. And he wants for them to be able to talk about their problems and struggles. And help each other when possible.

“There’s something wrong?” Jayce asks now and Viktor blinks at him. Oh, he got distracted. As Jayce stares concerned at him and cleans his lips with a napkin, Viktor does the same. As their eyes meet, he cleans his lips too.

He reflects on his words. He keeps trying to say things the best way he can. 

“There’s a topic I think we should approach. But I don't want to be tactless.” He says and realizes there's condiment on his fingers, he puts the burger down on his plate and cleans his fingers with a napkin. 

“Oh.” Jayce nods and seems relieved, he also puts his burger down, but then licks his fingers. And it's somehow okay. “I don't… I don't think you will. We can talk about anything you want.” He says.

Anything. He has said it many times and Viktor knows he means it. Okay. Here he goes.

“Do you want to have sexual intercourse with me?” 

Jayce's face gets totally pink. He blinks at him, an astonished expression on his face. It's clear he wasn't expecting it. And he seems to reflect too before speaking. “What…what about you?”

Oh. He doesn't even need to reflect about his answer, this is something that he learned about himself early, he was still a teenager, and he is sure it won't change, but he does reflect on the effect his words might have. There's not much he can do though. “No. I don't want to have sexual intercourse with you or with anyone else. Ever.” He observes Jayce's reaction, he seems a little troubled, but not surprised. 

“I'm sorry if it may hurt your feelings in any way. That's never my intention.” He says and drinks his juice. 

“I know that. I know your intentions. It doesn't hurt, and I mean I already imagined it would be probably impossible in this aspect. Still…”

He can't relate to his feelings, but he can feel it's bothersome.

“It bothers you, right?” He asks and Jayce nods.

“I'm sorry.” He seems really apologetic and his energy changes a bit. He's getting sad, and Viktor can feel it, guilty. That won't do.

“You are a sexual person, it's only natural. As it's natural for me to be an asexual person. There's no wrong in both parts, isn't it true?”

They keep their eyes on each other. He feels as he gets eased. “Yep. Also I never cared much about it, about sex. I like the companionship, the closeness, holding, caressing, way more than sex.”

Viktor smiles, he likes it too. With him of course. He doesn't want any other person to touch him, to be this close. But still this doesn't make them equals. It's fine. They don't need to match.

“You may not care much about it, but it doesn't mean you won't want it. I need you to understand, and that it's clear from the start. I can't change, In fact, I don't want to change in this matter, I will not change. So you need to take this into consideration, and think if you really want it.” He says. Huh. There are times he wishes he was different, more functional, he's trying to improve himself, but not in this. This feels right. This is the way he is supposed to be. He can't be flexible about it.

And Jayce's energy changes now, the regret disappearing, his eyes shining to him, and he smiles that pretty way he does.

“I don't want you to change. And I said it, I want you. Sex or not sex.” He says, again he's so honest it makes Viktor's face feel hot. 

He smiles back and he sees something cross Jayce's face. And he goes on. “But if we get closer I may feel like it. No, I know I will get… huh… passionate. I will think about you in a certain way and probably touch myself too. Is it okay?”

He figured much. And this is what is natural for him. He reflects about it as he takes his burger again, and bites while Jayce finishes his burger and turns around to get to the paper bag lying on the couch behind him, taking his second big burger in his hands. 

He doesn't consider sex gross or disgusting. He doesn't enjoy seeing it much, mostly when it's too focused on the sexual act, he can deal with it better in fiction, books mostly, he prefers metaphors, the description of the sensations than the act. But he thinks he wouldn't mind seeing Jayce touching himself, because it's him, also he's under the impression Jayce is not going to do it because he just enjoys sex. Not that he wouldn't have had the right to do it like that and feel like that. But this thought makes it better for Viktor. He remembers when Jayce said he wouldn't like to date someone for sexual reasons. 

He cleans his lips again. “You get sexual feelings for me because you love me?” He asks and Jayce's face gets so very pink and cute.

“I think so, yes. If I didn't love you I don't think I would be able to feel like this for you. I have been thinking about us and sex, and… I haven't done any research yet, but I believe I only can develop sexual feelings when I fall in love with the person. But I didn't imagine anything yet.”

See. He was right. Also he thinks Jayce may fall in the demisexual category, but that's for him to figure out.

He's not sure how that would happen but he really believes he won't mind seeing Jayce touching himself in a sexual way. And if they slept together more often and even eventually came to live together that would be inevitable, no, it would be natural and that's what he wants, for things to be natural for both. It's too soon of course, but he can see it. 

“It’s okay. It won't disgust me or put me out, I also don't think I would have a problem seeing it, but it's still too soon for me, I'm afraid. And Jayce…” He drinks more of his juice and the other man stares attentively at him, waiting.

“You can think and imagine all you want. Your mind only belongs to you. You said you shouldn't think about a friend in a certain way, but you can, it's not wrong. Huh, now that I said that, there's another topic that just came to mind.”

Jayce smiles, seeming deeply relieved, his shoulders relaxing, they are alike on this, they tense up when not feeling well and also get shaken. 

“Okay. Tell me.”

“I said I can sense your intentions, do you remember?”

Jayce nods, biting on his burger and then takes a big sip of his juice. 

“I can sense more than that. I can sense other feelings, the changing in your energy. I don't mean to, I don't want to be invasive in any way. It's just how I am… huh, maybe there's a way to change it, but I don't feel like it's right for me. Do you think it will be an issue?”

“Oh.” Jayce says. And he seems to reflect again while he chews on his burger. And must get distracted because he asks it with his mouth full: can you explain… huh… sorry. 

He swallows and tries again. “Can you explain what you feel in detail? I would like to understand it better.”

Viktor smiles. He takes the last bite of his burger and chews slowly. Huh, how to explain it in an understandable way? He doesn't know, so he will try to describe it better. 

He swallows and cleans his lips. “I can feel many things only for your energy. Your mood, your intentions, if you are happy or sad, if you are afraid, if you feel guilty, lies, it's better when I touch you. It's more clear. And I have told you I can feel your love and…” He makes a pause, and Jayce is not eating, he seems… he's not surprised, no, he seems impressed.

“And when we touch I can feel your love transferring to me, and that mine is going to you too, and it feels very much like it is merging.”

And Jayce's eyes get big, he seems like he realized something. “Ah, that part, I kind of feel the same.”

Oh. “Yes? What do you feel?”

His cheeks are pink, his eyes so bright. Face glowing, he seems magical again.

“I… feel like my love is leaking out of me, it's like a warm fluctuating liquid sensation? And… it's like your love is coming to me too, and it's amazing. It was never like this.” He says, his energy intensifying, but it's also soft, sliding, just like he said, leaking, warm and fluttering, surrounding them. 

The numbers dance in his mind. The zeros and ones.

01001100 01101111 01110110 01100101… Love.

He feels as if Jayce is embracing him without touching him and as they are staring at each other, he can see the realization in his eyes.

“You can feel it now?” Jayce asks, his tone very soft, his expression in wonder.

Viktor nods slowly, smiling deeply. “I can feel all of you.” 

When he moves he feels kind of boneless. He bends and it feels so natural to execute this action…01000110 01101100 01100101 01111000 01101001 01100010 01101001 01101100 01101001 01110100 01111001… Flexibility.

His lips touch Jayce's softly and they both sigh. And he realizes Jayce's mouth is a bit wet. 

He pulls away just barely, but he can see the smear of mustard. “I'm sorry.” He says and as Jayces smiles at him he takes hold of a new napkin and cleans Jayce's lips. He does it so naturally and feeling so good that when tears slide on Jayce's face it gets him by surprise. 

He doesn't understand.

“What? Why are you crying? Did I hurt you?” He doesn't feel any bad energy, but…

Jayce's hand slides on his, holding the hand with the napkin. 

“I have two friends that are a couple. And they are unashamed dorks in love. They kiss and touch without a care about people seeing them. They seem so free with each other. It's a bit annoying, but also lovely." He says, and Viktor can feel he loves his friends, but doesn't understand the correlation. But he wants to understand him.

“Yes?”

As Jayce's fingers move, caressing the back of his hand, more numbers fill him again… 01110010 01100101 01101100 01100001 01110100 01101001 01110110 01101001 01110100 01111001… Relativity. 

“I always wondered if I could have it too.”

Ah. Oh. “You mean to say you like it when I show my feelings through actions?” 

He nods. “I love it.”

And Viktor beams. While Jayce holds his right hand, Viktor moves his other hand, landing it on his face. He touches with care, his olive skin is warm and slowly Viktor dries his tears with his fingers. He loves to do things for Jayce, to care, and touch. And when Jayce does the same. 

Unashamed. He wouldn't ever think about himself like that. But also he realizes that when he's with Jayce he doesn't feel any shame or wrongness. It all feels natural. He feels natural. 

He moves his fingers through his cheeks and Jayce seems so happy, no, he doesn't just seem happy, he's happy, it's coming off him, making Viktor's happiness grow, it's absurd. It still surprises him that he is able to make Jayce feel this way. 

“Viktor…”

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

Viktor smiles and nods. Then he remembers. Oh, yes. “I love you too.”

And the way Jayce sighs and smiles at him, confirms to him again that Jayce is really a magical being.

Viktor's food is already gone. But Jayce still has a bit of his burger. Viktor takes a napkin and holds the burger making sure to not touch the bread and holds it up for him.

Jayce looks curious for a moment, before smiling again and taking the last bite. As the burger disappears, and Jayce chews, he holds Viktor's other hand too. He keeps holding his hands as he chews. Their eyes on each other. When he finishes, he takes the napkins out of Viktor's hands, and brings his hands to his face, kissing each one. His lips are so soft and well, wet. As one of Viktor's hands gets smeared with ketchup, Jayce licks it, and then he stares with a surprised expression at him.

“I'm sorry. I didn't…”

“It’s fine. I don't mind.” Viktor says. And watches as his words have their effect on him. Jayce relaxes, getting all happy again. He can't help it. He bends again, touching his lips on his. And as it's still wet, this time he gives a little lick over the side of his mouth. He hums. All this should be gross, but it's not. No, because it's him.

He unites their foreheads, and as Jayce just finished his food, Viktor already knows what it means. But he doesn't want it.

“Would you stay the night?” He pulls away slowly and Jayce's face is glowing again, he's happy and magical. “Yes.”

*****

While Viktor showers he thinks about the app again. He knows life usually influences his work, yes, and now it's not different. It's like the more he learns about Jayce and himself, the stronger the idea of the new app gets. 

He wonders if people will have interest in this kind of app, and if already there's an app like this. He doesn't think so, well at last it didn't exist some years ago, but someone may have developed something similar? If so he would like to take a look and  take notes. This might help him. 

He turns off the water and gets out of the boxer. He dries his body, brushes his teeth, and only then he takes out the shower cap. He hates to sleep with his hair wet, also he usually gets sick that way. 

He puts his clothes on and leaves the bathroom. 

Jayce is sitting on the bed. He's waiting to take a shower too. He's holding the other clothes Viktor got for him, those are his last ones that are loose enough to fit him. Still it's clear the clothes aren't the perfect fit.

“I think we should arrange to have some of your clothes here.” He says and Jayce meets his eyes. They smile at each other. “You can use the bathroom now.”

Jayce nods. “I… I will bring some pieces next time.” He says, but Viktor can tell something is not quite right.

He walks to him, and sits at his side on the bed. “You don't want to bring your clothes?” 

And Jayce's cheeks get pink. He seems nervous? But why? “It’s not it. It's just… it's just I like to use your clothes.”

Eh? He doesn't understand. “Sure your clothes would be more comfortable? Fit you better?”

Jayce nods. “Yes, but they don't smell like you.” He says and it seems like he didn't mean to say it, because he blinks and seems embarrassed? 

Viktor reflects about it. “You like my smell?”

“Y… yes.”

“And you like to sleep in my clothes?”

“Yes.” His face is all pink now.

Hum. “I see. So it would be more wise if I got bigger sleeping clothes, so they would fit you better?” 

Jayce lips open, it seems like he will say something, but then changes his mind. Viktor waits. Did he get it wrong?

“If it's not a bother to you.” Jayce says.

A bother? He could never be a bother. 

“It’s not, I want you to have all you need. To be happy.” He says. That's all he wants. “Would it make you happy?”

Jayce nods. “Well, being with you already makes me happy. But I would like it. Also I would like to take you to my place if it's okay, and have your clothes there too.”

Huh. “Wouldn't I use your clothes there?” 

He means, he never used Jayce's clothes, but he does like his smell and…

“Would that be okay?”

He thinks so. “Yes.”

Jayce smiles at him, it makes him happy. “I think you will look way too cute on my clothes.” 

Eh? “Really?”

Jayce moves instead of answering. And his lips brushes on Viktor's that tender and perfect way. 

As he pulls away he says: well, I always think you are cute. 

Eh?

He stands going to the bathroom. And Viktor remembers something. “Huh, I left a new toothbrush for you in the sink.”

“Thank you.” Jayce says and the door closes. 

Jayce thinks he's cute. How curious. He stands, takes his phone on the side table and sits again, laying his back on the headboard. He opens the Craft and searches: is there any application designed to unite people through no sexual and romantic bonds?

The Craft comes up with a list of sites, social medias and apps where people can make friends. But he wasn't talking about just a friendship bond even though this kind of bond will be included on his app too. 

He also has been thinking about disclosure, he thinks for the Craft to be able to allow the best bonds people must inform more precisely what kind of bond and relationships they are searching. With touch, without touch, they want to date? They can't date? They can have sex? Sex disgust them? 

He is aware that a machine can't feel people's feelings and energy, and that mostly it's theory, but the machine doesn't stop the connection and he has researched when he did the first app about how people were able to connect truly even with the use of technology. And there are many people who seem to enjoy it better. He has researched about it too, and it made sense, being able to connect through a machine, talking through text, email, and videos, help many people that have the same problem he has with interpersonality.

So while some of them can't communicate and bond in a physical way, they are able to do it better with the help of technology. He wants his app to help. To be useful. 

As the door of the bathroom opens and Jayce gets out, Viktor clicks on his write app. He can see as Jayce puts his folded clothes over the little table. 

“Would you turn the lights off?” Viktor says and moves to the other side of the bed. He tips in the blank page.

UnMatchinery 

Define the problem: There are some people that find it easy to connect with each other through technology and could be interested in developing deep bonds with each other with no romantic or sexual feelings being involved. But opposite to romantic and sexual apps, there's no apps for it. 

Jayce gets on the bed, sitting at his side, their bodies touch, and Viktor lays his head on his arm. “Oh, you are warm.” It's a different warmth, it's from the hot shower. He keeps tipping.

“Yes.”

“Did you dry your hair properly?” 

“I didn't wet it.”

Good, so he will not get sick. Does he really get sick? Huh.

Design the solution: An application designed to allow bonds between people out of the romantics patterns would provide a chance for people that don't know it's possible to develop deep connections without the struggle of society expectations. 

Yes. Even him was affected by it. He still thinks he's. His mind is still filled with many misconceptions that just now are starting to leave him. He didn't know it was possible for him to have this kind of relationship, and many may think the same. And also some must know it's possible, but as there's no app, they aren't able to have it. Because if they use a romantic app, the other people mostly will be expecting romance, and sexual intercourses. What's not wrong unless when it's excludent, but also in general he believes it mostly is. 

“You are working on it again.” Jayce says and Viktor feels when his lips touch his hair. Kissing him. He smiles. 

“Yes. I'm just at the start. Just thinking it through.”

“I think you are right. I think the big part of the apps and society only allow romantic relationships as the mean relationships. I mean the expected relationship?” 

He hums. “Yes. When I created Matchinery I already had this concept, that's why I allowed in the forms for people to define if what they want is a romantic partner, sexual partner and all. But I also can see that my app is also very romantic based.”

He moves and stares at him. As the sidelamp and the phone are on, he can see his face in the partial darkness. He's pretty even like this. “Isn't it true?”

Jayce seems to reflect. “The story in the background, the tell about love, the way the elements match, it's very romantic for me. Your site seems very magical and romantic, that's what captivated me.” 

Hum. “I didn't realize I created it that way. To be honest it took me a while to be able to see I created a fictional narrative while creating a dating site. That's to say I think I'm going to create a new narrative.”

He's really an author. He can see it now. The story is taking shape. 

“Yes?” 

He nods and turns off the screen of his phone, put it under his pillow. He lays and Jayce turns off the sidelamp, laying too.

Viktor pulls on the covers over them and gets close, touching his face on Jayce's chest, as he holds him. He really smells good. And Jayce's arm moves right away, holding back.

“Would you tell me the story?” Jayce asks.

“It's not done yet. I just got the basic concept.”

“I don't mind. I would love to hear it.”

And Viktor's face burns. He likes it. He wants to share. He actually came with the introduction and open line in the shower. I still needs some polishing. 

All is dark and warm, and  when he says the words he can see they take form as they would have in a site.

Love is an ancient feeling.

A feeling of before and of now.

It can take many forms.

To create a bond with someone there's no need for the perfect combination.

All that's required is connection.

Jayce sighs deeply, Viktor can feel the movement of his warm chest on his face, his arms around him hold him a bit tight. 

“Do you like it?”

“I love it.” 

He smiles, feeling proud. “It will be more technological, we still have the elements but there will be magical technology working to create the bonds. The elements will meet, but they don't need to match and merge, they will be linked by numbers around them. And…”

“Like that drawing.”

“Yes.” The image comes back to him. He still wants to keep the elements, but he will change the way they affect each other, allowing them to take shape without the need for compatibility, and even if he doesn't see himself using the app, he thinks maybe people similar to him would want to use it. So he will add one more element. 

A tree grows from the soil taking the shape of a person. But the element who meets them is not fire, or water, no. Also from the soil cables start to sprout, and slowly it takes the form of another person made of cables and plugs. They hold each. As they do they activate the bond.

And numbers surround them, glowing and moving in a magical technological spiral. Three lines of words. 

He thinks the embrace works for him, but it may not work for all people, so it can change following the person's descriptions. It could be the hold of hands, or better, no touch. People can connect without touch. Yes. 

“Would you like to know what the numbers mean?”

“Yes, please?”

He likes the touch, the embrace. Just now he feels like they are just one energy.

“You have asked about my tattoos.”

“Yes?” 

“They are three words in binary code. Words that have meaning to me. So I think I would like to use them as the base for bonding. The first word is relativity.” He sees that line of zeros surrounding them. 

01110010 01100101 01101100 01100001 01110100 01101001 01110110 01101001 01110100 01111001

“I think it's important to remember the difference between people, and their perception of the world.”

“When did you get it?”

“College, after I broke up with a colleague. I'm going to tell you the whole story another time. It still makes me sad. But I have been trying to learn more about the others, to be more understood.”

“I see. Well, I think you are already a very comprehensive person.”

Hum.

“l’m not sure, but I think that for any relationship to work properly, a person needs to be able to understand that people aren't the same and so you can't expect them to think or act in the same way?”

“Ah. That's true.”

“The second word is love. That one is easy. It's essential for a bond. I got this tattoo when my mother died. I loved her so much, no, I love her so much, she died after I graduated. I wanted to remember that it remains, that love never leaves.” 

And the second line of numbers shows up.

01001100 01101111 01110110 01100101

Surrounding them too. 

“I'm sorry for your mother.”

A tear slides on his face. “Thank you. She was a great person, very kind and smart.”

“Just like you.”

He smiles. Well, he doesn't know if he's very kind. He tries. 

“The last word is flexibility. It was my first tattoo.”

“Flexibility?

01000110 01101100 01100101 01111000 01101001 01100010 01101001 01101100 01101001 01110100 01111001

“Adaptation is something I had to deal with all my life, but I never liked it, because it felt forced. I had to adapt because there wasn't any other way. But you see, flexibility is the willingness to adapt, it means to adapt when you feel like it.”

“Like in a natural way, right?”

He got it! “Yes.” He feels so happy. 

“You are so amazing and creative.”

Eh?

“I’m not amazing.”

“You are amazing to me. You have to deal with many things and you choose to learn, to hold up to love and to be flexible towards life.” 

Somehow his words reach deep on him. He doesn't know why, but many feelings fill him, pain, guilt, shame, confusion, uncertainty, and suddenly he's crying hard with his face on Jayce's chest, and Jayce caresses his back. He doesn't want to cry, but he can't seem to stop.

“Jay… Jayce…” I'm sorry. I'm not sad. I'm not…

“It’s okay. I got you.”

And he does. Viktor has no idea how he is able to, but Jayce gets him. And he feels safe and understood. And it makes him cry harder.

“You can cry for it. For the difficulties you had to face, for your loss, for your mistakes. And Viktor even if you make a mistake this doesn't make you bad. It only makes you human.”

Viktor doesn't plan to talk about it today, it just happens. The words escape him. “Her name was Sky Young. She was a really good person, her energy was good almost like yours. She liked my work… she asked me out. She said she had feelings for me. At that time I still didn't understand dating and romance. I was still starting my research. So I thought it would be a good way to learn…”

He cries more. He is so sorry for all that. He was so stupid, so unconsiderated. “So I agreed to date her. It didn't last much. It was just three dates. I didn't like it in general. I don't like to be touched, and to share my things. You could say I wasn't the best date in this matter, but I was educated and gentle. Because that's what one does and…”

The tears keep running on his face, but he feels less like crying now. He just feels bad, disgusted with himself. “I was trying to learn, seeing what worked and what did not. Mostly nothing worked for me. On the third date she asked if we could kiss, and I had never kissed before. It was another thing I thought was okay to find out with her.”

He knows he did wrong. “I agreed with it too. When she kissed me it disgusted me terribly, that was awful. And when I pulled away she could see it in my face of course. She asked if I hated it and I said that yes, but that at least I knew I didn't like it too. And then she looked at me in a way. I will never forget it, she seemed so hurt. She asked if I liked her and I said I didn't. Then she asked why I dated her and I said that she asked and I wanted to learn more about dating.”

Oh, god. That was so terrible. “She felt so broken, Jayce, so sad and she cried hard, and I couldn't do anything. I froze Jayce, feeling broken too. I tried to say I was sorry, but my body didn't move. She was inconsolable. And it was all my fault, because I was inconsiderate and stupid. She said I used her like a project, but I never thought of it like that. She left me there, and later I was able to apologize through text, but she didn't forgive me.”

Jayce stays in silence, and it's so curious because Viktor still can see the numbers around them. 

“I’m so sorry, Viktor. I'm sorry your first experience was like that.”

“It was worse to her.”

“I’m not sure it was.”

Eh? “What do you mean? I wronged her.”

“I think if I was in her place I would have been hurt by your actions too. I can see that. But I also think she hurt you too.”

Eh? He doesn't understand. “You said it just now, the first word, relativity.”

That line of numbers shines on his mind. 

“Yes?” He's trying to understand.

“Why are you the only one that has to be understanding? You said people can date for many reasons, didn't you? Dating to figure things out is one of the reasons. And it's not wrong. Also she was the one that assumed you felt the same without asking it, she also expected you to react to her kiss in a certain way, but it was her own expectations. There wasn't any space for understanding on her part.”

Oh. “I don't think she really loved you. And love is essential, for a bond to happen is it not?”

Those numbers shine too. Ah. 

“But Jayce, I should have said I was trying to figure things out. I should have said I was aroace…”

“No, you shouldn't. Did she say she was romantic and sexual?”

Well. “No.”

“See. When you told her you were dating to understand, she didn't have the flexibility to adapt for you while you tried to date her just because she asked you too.”

And the third series of numbers shine. 

“What you mean to say is that even though she had reason to react badly because she's allowed to have feelings, she also wasn't nice to me?” 

He never thought about that time like this. 

“Yes, she hurt you too.”

“But… but she couldn't feel my feelings. I could feel she got really broken.”

“Even if you can't feel other people, they still have feelings. It's a weird way to think, Viktor. That would mean that people who haven't your sensibility aren't capable of having empathy.”

Ah. That's true. 

“And I mean it, Viktor. Just because you made a mistake this doesn't make you a bad person. And you also have good energy. What's up with that? You think I'm better than you or something?”

“Yes?”

“I’m not.”

“Yes, you are!” Now, that's just absurd. Of course, he's better.

“No. And just so you know I despise her. This Young I don't know who.”

Eh?

“Why? She didn't do anything to you?”

“Because she cared just about her own feelings, and didn't give a damn about you while you are still suffering because of what you did to her many years ago, that's how good you are.”

“Jayce, you can't despise people because of me.”

“Of course I can, I can despise all of them. Viktor, people may expect many things from you, want you to act and feel in a certain way, but this isn't right. And still you keep trying to make it better for them.” He sounds pissed off. 

“I’m sorry.” Why did he have to talk about it?

And suddenly Jayce moves. No. The words dissolve, he can see the numbers falling down. Oh, no. He ruined it. He opens his eyes and all is dark. Then he feels Jayce's hands touching his face. Ah. His hands are warm, and slowly he caresses his skin, drying his tears in the darkness.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. You are the most caring and good person I know. I need you to believe me.”

“For… for a moment I thought I had ruined it.”

“You can't ruin anything. You only make things better.” His words are so honesty and Viktor's face heats up.

“Jayce…” 

He feels as his lips brush on his, so amazingly good. Then Jayce kisses the tip of his nose. And it’s good too. 

“Close your eyes.”

“How do you know my eyes are open?” Viktor can't see a thing. 

“I can feel it. You aren't the only one with super power.” He says. 

“It’s not a super power.”

Jayce giggles. “I know, I'm being silly.”

Ah. “Wait, so you can't sense it?” 

“No, my eyes just got used to the dark, I can see the outline of your face. You are really breathtaking.”

He closes his eyes and Jayce kisses over his eyelids. So soft and perfect. “I think, Viktor, that dating and developing relationships may be really hard and painful to people like you. And the word doesn't take it into consideration. I had to learn too. And I want to learn more, I want to make it good for you. I want to make you happy too. Please, allow me.”

Oh. He wants it. “You are allowed. And you make me happy.” He says and Jayce kisses his forehead. It's like a blessing.

“I want you to try to put yourself first for now on. To think about what you want and what would make you happy. You can't always be conscious of other people, it's not good, love.”

Is he doing it? He reflects about it. Jayce is right. He has been doing it. 

“You have to forgive yourself and allow the happiness in your life.” His words make sense, they are logical, but he doesn't know how to do it.

“How do I do that?” 

“I don't know, love. But while you figure it out I will be right here.” He embraces him again, arms wrapping around Viktor's body. His warm and good energy spreads through him. He holds back, tightly. He wants it to. He wants to be happy with Jayce. 

“I don't have your super power, but I can feel when you aren't okay too. Not in  the way you do. But I can hear it in your tone, and feel the tension in your body, how you get shaken, and I can see it in your eyes sometimes too.”

Oh, he didn't know that. He doesn't like to make people worry about him, but he realizes he wants it from Jayce, his worry, because if Jayce sees him, he will be able to understand him, so he will not get it wrong like she did. And that's when he realizes what Jayce said is true, he is hurt because of her, deeply hurt. Because he never had the intention to hurt her, but she couldn't see him, see his intentions, he didn't mean any bad, he was just… he was just being himself. 

He gets it now. All this time he wasn't being himself, worse, he was hating to be as he is, because he thought it was wrong, that he would hurt people again. 

“Thank you…” He says, feeling like crying again. Thank you for seeing me. He will try. Yes. He will try just to be. Just to live. And he kind of wishes he was able to be really free and what was that Jayce said? He can't remember the word. 

“I love you.” Jayce says, and Viktor feels the warmth of his love and the touch of his lips, kissing over his hair.

“I love you too.” His words are lazy. His mind is getting vague and eased. In the darkness he sees the zeros and ones moving. There's no words. He doesn't know what's happening, but it's no bother. Slowly the numbers start to create a series. He just realizes it's forming a new word when he is falling asleep. Still he gets it, and he smiles as the sleep pulls him in. 

01110101 01101110 01100001 01110011 01101000 01100001 01101101 01100101 01100100…

Chapter Text

His dream is a loop. He's not sure what the dream is about, except that he is dreaming the same thing again and again, he gets a feeling as if he's doing some activity, and he also is not really unconscious, no, he is aware of the dream at the same time he can feel the bed under his body, and Jayce’s arm around him. It's tiring, he tries to wake up, but keeps falling in the same pattern. There's something he's sure of, his mother is in the dream. 

When he wakes up, opening his still heavy sleepy eyes and staring through the locks of his hair at Jayce's face, he still can feel his mother's energy, her love, it's always like this when he dreams with her. He's filled with her love as he contemplates Jayce. The other man seems to be sleeping peacefully, there's a bit of saliva in the corner of his mouth, and even this is not disgusting for Viktor, no, on the contrary, as the light of the day is leaking through the curtains, making the room all softly bright, he can't help but thinking again he's magical. 

Viktor wishes Jayce could stay like this, peaceful, that there was no worry in his life. He thinks about last night, how pissed off and distressed he sounded, Viktor still can't understand all he said, huh, he doesn't like the fact he despises her. It surprises him Jayce is capable of despising people at all, it seems so unlike him, yes, because he's too good. Viktor said he was better than him, and Jayce corrected his opinion, saying Viktor is good too. Huh. 

“What’s it you are worrying too early?” His voice surprises him, but at the same time gives him a good and familiar feeling. He smiles. Jayce’s eyes are still closed, but his hand moves on Viktor’s body. Softly, a very caring touch on the skin of his back, under his shirt, sending little waves of warmth where he touches.

“Are you awake?”

The smile slides in the olive face. “No. Come here.”

Jayce pulls on him softly, and he goes, pressing his face on his chest again, his arm holding him tightly. He is filled with Jayce’s energy again, filled with more love. In the warmth he slips into the realm of dreams anew.

This time he gets a real dream, he's younger, a kid, and is at school. His mother is there and she's lashing out at the principal. Viktor shakes, he doesn't like it. He hates when mother gets angry. When she's done, she reaches a hand to him and he takes it. Then they are walking together, holding hands through a path.

“Mom, it's not their fault I'm like this.” He says in his dream. 

And she turns to him, her round and lovely black face smiling at him. She shakes her head. “Oh, honey, you still didn't learn.”

He wakes up suddenly, blinking slowly and easily. He feels less tired. Learn? He remembers he talked about his repetitive dreams with his doctor. And he said it was probably his brain learning something or trying to deal with problems. 

Huh. His face is still close to Jayce's chest, warm and good. If he could, he would stay like this forever. He moves slowly, and stares at him, and Jayce is awake. Their eyes meet and he smiles that pretty smile of his, and says: morning.

And Viktor's mind makes a correlation. Oh. Learning, it's true, he was learning something. 

“What’s it?” Jayce asks, curiously. His forehead crushing a bit.

“Last night you got angry.”

He sees as his eyes get wide, and he seems apprehensive. “I’m sorry, I may have overreacted, but I…”

“It was because you love me.” Viktor says sure. He didn't understand it yesterday. He thought Jayce was angry because of him. But he gets it now. “You are like my mother.” 

Yes. She would always get angry and livid when she thought people wronged him. It took Viktor some years to understand it was because she loved him. He only understood it when he himself felt pretty angry that someone treated her poorly. And he hated those people, all of them. And didn't feel bad about it. 

“Your mother?”

He nods. “Just like her, you love me so much you hate people that may do something bad to me. Isn't it right?”

He can feel the relief washing over him. And Jayce’s cheeks get magenta.“Yes. I hate it.” 

He can understand that much. Well, at least he gets it now. “It's alright then.” He says. He's sure he will feel the same. Yes. If someone wrongs Jayce he will hate them. He feels a fierce feeling taking over him as he thinks about it, and he holds Jayce again. “I… I would get angry too if it was you.” He says on his chest and feels as lips touch his hair. 

“Yes?”

He hums. “I can't imagine you getting angry at all.” Jayce says. 

He really thinks he's good. And maybe he's, but he's also not good sometimes. Like that time he wanted that terrible man to gag. These are the thoughts of a not so good person. But also, that man, he did something wrong to him. Wouldn't he be in his right to get mad at him? He didn't want him to really gag, he was just angry.

He's sure his mother would get livid, and Jayce probably too. 

Wait. He never thought his mother was bad because of it. So why does he think he's bad for it, or when he makes a mistake? He had no intention of hurting her. He doesn't get mad for the way she reacted and didn't leave space for him to be, but he feels suddenly mad at the world.

“I do get angry, but I don't like to feel that way. It makes me shaken and I feel like crying.”  He shakes now as he feels mad, and Jayce holds him tight. Their bodies pressing, he's always so warm. 

He remembers something his mother said. It's another correlation with Jayce. You aren't the only one that needs to adapt, Viktor. The world needs to adapt to you too. More, actually, since you can't change in many ways.

He can't change. But he keeps doing it, trying to adapt to them, but they don't do it for him. He knows it's not always this way. Like with Jinx, the people on his job, and Ms Merdara. They are people that know he has limitations, and they adapt to him. 

“It's okay, we are okay now.” Jayce says, his tone very kind.

And there's him. Jayce. But it doesn't seem like Jayce is adapting, yes, like Viktor doesn't seem to need to adapt to him too. It all just feels natural.

As he reflects on it all, he moves again, pulling away and meets Jayce's lovely face. He's not that good, and maybe Jayce isn't too. But it's okay, yes, like his mother. She was great and also she was able to face people and talk them down without problem. Curse them. She made mistakes and got things wrong sometimes too. 

They don't need to be perfect. They just need to be themselves.

Jayce stares at him, his stare contemplative. “You can really get angry.” 

Yes. And now Viktor smiles deeply and moves up, brushing his lips on his. So good.

Wait. He pulls away. “Is it okay? I still didn't brush my teeth.” 

And Jayce giggles. “I also didn't brush mine.”

Oh. That's true. “Do you want to do it now?” 

“Only if it's important to you. If not, I don't wanna leave you.”

Ah. He also doesn't want to be apart. “Would it be okay if we go together?” He asks and as Jayce looks curious at him he realizes what he asked for. “I’m sorry, it's too soon, right?”

Jayce shakes his head. “No, I would love to, but would you be okay with it? With me seeing you and your body?”

Well. He doesn't mind. He nods. Jayce seems surprised and his face gets all pink. “Okay.”

He moves, arms letting go of Viktor and sits on the bed, the covers falling down. Viktor sits slowly. His leg hurts and as he pushes the covers aside, Jayce stares down. It takes Viktor a moment to realize he's staring at his legs. Viktor is wearing shorts, so it's possible to see his slim pale legs. They are not alike. His right leg is thin and less muscular. It's weak and brings him constant pain. It was the leg more affected by the disease. 

“Are you in pain?” Jayce asks and Viktor meets his eyes again. 

“Yes. Just a little bit.” It's a level of pain he can deal with. Still he can feel Jayce's concern. 

“Would a massage help?” 

A massage? Jayce wants to touch his leg and ease his pain? This is something his mother used to do. It's been years since he had it. Suddenly he feels nostalgic. He wishes his mother was still alive, he believes she would love Jayce too. 

“I think so, it helped when my mother did it to me.”

Jayce smiles. “Do you wanna get to the bathroom first?”

He nods and Jayce holds up his big hand to him. Viktor smiles back before sliding his hand on his. And slowly they move. Jayce helps him get up, and pain moves through his leg as Viktor stands and puts the flip flops on. Yet it's the fact Jayce is barefoot that bothers him.

“We need to get you a pair of flip flops here too.”  He says, moving his hand, so he can get a better hold of Jayce's hand. He loves the feeling of his hand on his.

“I don't mind, I usually walk like this at home.”

Huh. “But this way you will get sick.”

They walk slowly and get in the bathroom. 

“I don't think I can get sick by it.” Jayce says. 

Really? Maybe he's right? Huh, it keeps bothering him.

“Still I would like you to use it.” Viktor says and their eyes meet. Jayce's face gets rose again. He seems so precious.

“Okay.” 

And Viktor smiles big. They walk together to the sink and now they let each other's hands go. But he feels happy, yes, happy Jayce is at his side. He combs his hair with his fingers, pulling it away from his face and tying it in a little bun. Then takes his toothbrush, puts some toothpaste, and passes it to Jayce. Jayce takes it and puts some on his toothbrush too. And they wet it and side by side they brush their teeth.

Viktor watches their reflections in the mirror. Lips covered in foam. There's a clear difference between their bodies, his very thin, long limbs, and Jayce is muscular, bigger, broadened shoulders, but they are almost the same height. Okay, Jayce is taller, probably ten centimeters. There's also the color difference, he's very pale, while Jayce's skin is light brown, and toned by the sun, huh. He likes the difference. He feels that way again, like it's meant to be. Yes. 

They spit and wash their mouths, drying It with the little towel, and Viktor moves, he rests his hands on Jayce's arms, supporting himself as he gets on his tiptoes and pecks Jayce's lips. 

Jayce smiles, seeming dumbfounded.

“Now it's better.” He says and steps towards the toilet. As he does he realizes the toilet lid is up. 

“Huh, Jayce?” He turns to him. “You let the seat up?”

And Jayce stares at the toilet then back at him. He seems confused for a moment, then Viktor sees as he gets it. “Oh. I'm sorry, you have to sit, right?”

Viktor nods and turns, he puts the seat down. Today his pain is manageable, so he can put his shorts down and sit without a problem. And he does it. He slides his shorts through his legs and sits. But some days it's bad, he is not able to stand for too long, and he has to sit down and just then move his shorts. 

He relieves himself and Jayce averts his eyes.

“Does it make you uncomfortable?” 

Their eyes meet again, he doesn't seem uncomfortable, he seems curious? “No, I just wanted to give you some privacy?” 

Oh. “It's not necessary, I don't mind.” He takes a bit of paper and cleans his penis. Then he stands slowly, sometimes getting up again is the hard part, he's thankful today is an easy day. He pulls his shorts up and presses the flush. He really doesn't mind. This seems natural. 

And that word of last night comes back to him. The numbers move on his mind. 

01110101 01101110 01100001 01110011 01101000 01100001 01101101 01100101 01100100…

Unashamed. He wants to be happy and free. For them to have a good life together.

He walks to the sink, washing his hands and Jayce moves towards the toilet. He's curious, he knows most men pee standing, but he's used to using special bathrooms, even when he was a kid the teacher had to take him to the bathroom, so he never saw it in person. At least he can't remember it.

So he dries his hand and watches as Jayce lifts the seat again, he doesn't push his shorts down, no, he just takes hold of his penis, getting it out and pees. And then Jayce shakes it and puts it back?

“Wait.”

And Jayce turns back to him, as he presses the flush. “Yes?”

“You don't need to use paper to dry it?”

“No?”

He doesn't understand. “Doesn't it stay wet?” 

And Jayce seems to reflect about it. “Yes, sometimes. But it's the way it goes?”

It surprises him. “Really?”

The other man nods. “Doesn’t it mean your underwear gets wet with urine? I mean it doesn't bother you?” He asks. He's sure it would bother him.

Jayce puts the seat down and goes to wash his hand. “Hum, actually you are right, I never thought about it though. It was just the way it is?”

Huh. It's so curious. Viktor nods and once Jayce's hand is dry, he reaches a hand to him. Their hands link and they walk back to the room. Viktor gets on the bed and lays down. 

“Do you have some cream or oil I could use to make it smooth?” He asks, and Viktor doesn't have any cream for it, except…

“I have some sunblock in the bathroom?” He uses it regularly, because he's too pale and burns easily, and also to preserve his tattoos.

Jayce nods, still holding his hand. 

“I will be right back.” He says. Viktor lets go and watches as he goes back to the bathroom. He's fast and soon he's back holding the tube of sunblock. 

He climbs on the bed and sits, getting close to him. He smiles down at him and Viktor smiles back. Jayce bends, kissing him. Lips touching softly, pressing on his and Viktor hums. He feels one of his hands moving on his hair and he realizes Jayce is freeing it from the bun.

Then Jayce sits properly again and puts sunblock on his hand. He stares down at him. “I'm gonna touch your leg. Tell me if it hurts. Where should I rub? The whole leg?”

Well. “My mother used to rub the length of it, to ease all the muscles. But I like it better when my calf is touched.”

His hands are cold because he just washed it and because of the cream. But his touch is soft and good, he uses his both hands to move around Viktor's calf. Pain curses through the leg and Viktor groans. 

“Hurts?” The hands slow down.

“Yes. But it's how it goes.”

The hands keep going and now his touch gets warm. It still hurts, and Viktor makes a face.

“I still can't believe it, you know. That you love me, that I can kiss you. And it's so easy.”

The warmth is spreading through his legs and he gets cosy, sleepy again. He stays laying down, staring at that face he loves. “Yes.” He says. He also thinks it's easy. 

The fingers move through the calf, rubbing on almost flat muscle. And now the pain starts to dissipate. He can enjoy the touch on his muscles. The waves of warmth moving through his leg. It's not just the touch, it's the other man's closeness. 

“I have had other relationships, other partners. Huh, sorry, I don't know yet what we are.” He keeps rubbing, slowly, tender, attentive. 

He also doesn't know that and his mind gets blurry. He feels really good. But he wants to hear all Jayce has to say. 

“We… can be partners.” He mumbles and Jayce smirks. 

“Yes? Are you falling asleep?”

Viktor shakes his head, the movement slow. He's not! He won't.

And Jayce giggles. “Partners, I like it. Hum, It was never like this. It's so different from before. Usually when you enter a new relationship it takes time to get used to each other, you know?”

Hum. He doesn't know. 

“How so?”

The hands reach his shin, and he feels his leg tingle. It's a good tingle, the pain really giving away. 

“There’s this awkwardness and you get kind of ashamed of simple things? Like being naked, farting, using the bathroom, I mean letting the other know you are human? I don't know if I'm making sense, maybe it's different to other people? But my point is that it's easy to just exist at your side. It got me by surprise. I'm still amazed by it and…”

He dreams of the sun and coziness. Everything is warm, safe, and peaceful. When he wakes again, he's on his side and there's an arm around his waist. Jayce is sleeping at his side on the bed, he's making a soft sound, a little snore. It must be the position. He's facing down. And it's not good to sleep in that way. He seems so precious like this thought, his face pressed to the pillow, there's a bit drool again. And the light of the day is still soft, Viktor gets a feeling it's cloudy outside. 

He moves, landing his hand softly on Jayce's face, he barely touches it, he didn't mean to wake him up, but Jayce's hand moves suddenly and takes his. Viktor gets startled, but the touch is very kindly, and still with his eyes closed, Jayce kisses his hand. 

“I'm sorry I woke you up.”

The eyes open, and they shine golden at him.  

“Hey.” Jayce breathes, and he seems very rested. “Did you sleep well?”

Yes, this time he did. He feels better. And he also gets a feeling, something he wants to do. 

“Yes. What about you?”

“I always sleep well next to you.” 

That's good to know. 

They move on the bed, getting close. It's so good, but they can't spend the whole day in bed. “I need to eat and take my medicine.” He says and Jayce nods. He keeps holding his hand, kissing it over and over, his lips are very soft touching his palm. More waves of warmth.

“I can bring it to you.”

Eh? Viktor finds it curious. “Are you trying to keep me in bed?”

And Jayce makes a silly face. “Yep.” 

Viktor laughs. He likes that he's silly. And also he can feel it, Jayce's happiness, the way he's enjoying this moment.

Jayce's eyes fall on his arm, as he holds his hand, his other hand moves, and a finger traces his skin, right over the fine line of numbers that traces the middle of his arm, the touch is like a ghost, but even this sends a light warmth feeling through him.

“I like your tattoos.” He says suddenly. 

“You do?” He remembers he seemed curious about it. 

Jayce hums. “It's pretty, you are… pretty.” 

He never thought about himself as being pretty. Huh. The finger moves again, tracing his skin lightly. It feels good. He feels all warm. 

“What does this line mean?” 

“Love.” 

And Jayce's eyes get more attentive. “Love…” His finger moves going down, tracing till it reaches the juncture between arm and forearm and Viktor sighs. 

“You see, I did the line on the left first, flexibility, but when mom died, I wanted to make the word love the central line, it was a bit difficult to draw the lines touching without any number getting overwritten.”

Jayce keeps staring at it. His finger traces the second line, doing a curve where the line bends spiraling. He smiles, and it's a wonder to see, he seems very entranced. His finger reaches the juncture again and moves a bit up, following the forearm. 

“I like your skin too.”

Viktor giggles. “Are you going to say you like everything about me?” 

And Jayce's eyes meet his. He seems very full of it, of love. “Yes, I do.”

Ah. He feels his face heat up even if he already knew that. Jayce's eyes leave him, moving to his arm again. His finger touches the third line. 

“Relativity.” He breathes, tone very soft, as his finger moves. This tattoo was the last one, so it touches the others and contours the arm. It's a very simple touch, but Viktor is feeling full too. He gets so warm, it's like he's under the sun. 

He feels like it's the moment to say what he woke up feeling like. “I want to make a new one. Would you go with me?” 

Jayce smiles. “Yes, of course.” 

Viktor moves, embracing him. And they become the sun.

They leave the bed eventually, he does have to eat and take his medicine, he's doing an antibiotic. So he has to eat well. He makes some scrambled eggs, and toast. Brewers coffee. But they eat in the living room. Sitting on the couch, bodies leaning on each other. When they finish, Jayce takes the plates and mugs to the kitchen. Then he comes back with a glass of water. Viktor takes his meds. And they stay there, sitting close again, his legs on Jayce's lap.

He remembers he didn't check his phone. “Oh, I forgot my phone on the bed.”

“Want me to take it?” His hand is caressing his knee. Soft and warm. He's offering things again. And it's not bad, but still…

“I can do things, you know?”

Jayce stares at him, he seems calm and sure. “Yes, I know. You are independent. But I like doing things for you.”

He realizes they already had this conversation. It's just that Viktor doesn't want to be the one getting all the care. 

Their eyes stay on each other. It doesn't feel wrong when Jayce takes care of him. It feels right and natural. But Jayce can get tired too. His mother got tired, he could tell how much taking care of him affected her mentally, physically. “I know that. And I like when you do things for me, I just worry.” 

“What do you worry about? That it's too much? That I'm going to get tired and worn off?”

He gets it and Viktor nods. “Yes.”

Jayce seems to reflect about it. “I’m strong.”

And Viktor smiles. “Yes, you are.”

“I also have a lot of energy.”

Viktor hums, his humor getting better. See? Magic being. “But this doesn't mean you won't get tired, also your energy isn't infinite. This can be very tiring and a challenge. Mentally too, Jayce. Because you will see me in pain and sickness.”

“I know, love. But no life is perfect. There's challenges of all kinds. I understand what you are saying, I know there will be hard moments where we both will lose it and make mistakes. Get sad and angry. It's already happening. But it's how it goes, isn't it?”

Like peeing standing. He's right. “I want to stay at your side even when it's bad.”

And this is what he wants too. “Me too. I want it too, Jayce.”

“Yes?”

He nods. And Jayce stands putting his feet on the couch with care. He goes to the bedroom and comes back in a moment. His barefoot feet are a bother. As he holds up the phone, Viktor says: at last put some sockets.

“Bossing.” Jayce says, silly, and he goes back to the bedroom. When he gets out again, he has his sockets on. He lifts Viktor's legs with care and sits, resting it on his lap again. He holds his own phone as his other hand lands on Viktor's knee again. 

Viktor checks his email. Nothing. He remembers the promise he made to Ms Merdara.

“I need to call her.” He says and Jayce puts the phone down. 

“Who?”

“Miss Young. The lady I dated.” 

Now he can't read Jayce's expression well. His energy changes, getting agitated. “Okay.”

Viktor puts his phone on the side table and holds his hand out to him. Jayce holds right away. “I'm ready to tell you what's happening.” 

And Jayce breathes deep and nods. 

So Viktor tells him everything, how Hexcorp approached him, and how he was naive and stupid. He tells about the judicial battle and how he needs Miss Young's help.

He can sense how Jayce gets angry, pissed off, but he doesn't let go of his hand. No. On the contrary, he keeps caressing it and it eases Viktor. He doesn't like when Jayce feels bad, but he understands it's natural. It's part of the love.

“I’m so sorry, love. I'm really sorry this happened to you. I can't believe there's people this trash in the world.” 

As he says it, tears slide on Viktor's face. It surprises him, he didn't feel like crying as he told the story, and he thought he would be able to talk without falling apart, but he also thinks it's right somehow. He shakes and cries hard. And Jayce kisses his hand. Lips very soft, sending waves of warmth through him. 

He moves, lifting Viktor's feet, and it happens fastly and suddenly Viktor is on his lap, and Jayce's arms wrap around him. The embrace is so warm and perfect. Viktor slides his arms around his neck, and keeps crying on his shoulder. 

And now he allows himself to think about it. About how much effort he did put on his app. He didn't want to accept that Hexcorp broke his heart, stealing something that is dear and special to him. It's work, and he spent time on it, so it’s a professional and financial matter, but it's also a matter of heart to him. 

He feels so angry, and sad, and hurt. As he cries, Jayce's hands move on his back, sending waves and waves of warmth, and Viktor realizes he doesn't like to feel things. No, it's incorrect, he tries not to feel, to keep it down, because he doesn't want to have a big reaction to things, because if he does he becomes a bother to others. 

He used to think he was a bother to his mother, even if she never complained about it. No, on the contrary, she tried to understand him, and knew his actions and reactions many times weren't under his control. But still, even with her support, he thought he was too much. So he tried to be less. To feel less. 

“It's not right… what they did to me. What they are doing to me. And… and it's not… it's not fair, Jayce” He says, voice shaking. 

It's not fair that they take away something that's important to him, that belongs to him. 

“You are right. It's not right, nor fair, love.” 

He believes it's Jayce's words that ease his mind now. He's right in being angry, in feeling this way, and being much. Because he's just being himself. 

Slowly, as the soft warm hands move, he calms down. He sniffs on Jayce's shoulder and pulls away. Their eyes meet and Jayce smiles at him. 

It's all very slowly, Jayce's hands move and touch his face, drying his tears with care. Then he kisses his forehead, lips very tender and calid. 

“Do you want some water?”

Viktor nods. He slips out of Jayce's lap, getting back on the couch and Jayce stands. He breathes deeply, feeling different. He doesn't know what's different, but it's there. The sensation. 

Jayce comes back, and Viktor takes the glass. “Thank you.”

He drinks the water and puts the glass on the side table. 

“I want to call her on Monday. I can't call on a weekend. It would be inappropriate.” He says, his legs over Jayce's lap again.

“It won't be inappropriate, I think.”

“Really? Even if we aren't close?”

“Yes. The person doesn't need to pick it if they don't want to.”

Huh. “I'm going to get sick while I do it. Would you hold me after the call?” He asks. He feels very nervous.

Jayce smiles. “Yes, of course, I can hold you while you do it too if you want.”

Ah. He didn't think about that possibility, he thought about the after care. But Jayce is right, they can do it together. Jayce can help him do it. 

He smiles back. “I would appreciate that.”

They make lunch together. Jayce piles off the potatoes, cuts the tomatoes, onions and garlic, and Viktor makes pasta with sausage stew with potatoes. He likes to put real tomatoes in the sauce. 

They eat in the living room, drinking orange juice, it was Jayce who juiced it too. 

When they finish, they brush their teeth, and Viktor stays making more sketches on the tablet as Jayce uses the bathroom. He makes some possible combinations for the basis design. 

He hears the flush and then Jayce is back. He keeps drawing as Jayce sits, and Viktor lifts his legs putting it on his lap again. 

“You are working again.” Jayce says and Viktor hums. Jayce's hand lands in one of his calves, on the good leg, and he rubs softly. It's not a massage, it's just a perfect caress. 

“Do you wanna see it?”

“I don't want to interrupt.” 

Viktor smiles, and moves his eyes to him. “I like it, I like showing you my work.” He says and feels his face burn. 

Jayce's lips make that lovely curve. “You are blushing.”

Oh, of course. “You are pretty like this.”

He's saying it again. He shows him the tablet and Jayce takes a look at the screen. 

“You can flip, there's more.” 

Jayce's face lights up as he moves from image to image with his finger. 

“Again simple drawings?” He asks in a silly tone. 

Viktor smirks. “Yes.”

Jayce nods, he looks like he really likes it. “You are so talented.”

Ah. It makes his face burn hard. He likes to hear it more than to hear how beautiful he's. He always liked to be complimented about his intelligence and abilities.

“Thank you.” He says and as Jayce finishes, Viktor closes the tablet and puts it on the side table. As he takes his phone back his hand shakes. His heart accelerating. Oh, god. He meets Jayce's eyes, he's staring attentively at him. 

“I’m here. You are okay.”

He nods, the movement trembling. He feels tense and shaken up.

“Come here.” Jayce calls and he goes. He moves, getting on his lap again, sitting sidelined. And Jayce's arms surround his waist. Viktor feels warm and safe. He opens the email, and copies her phone number. He saves it with her name and Jayce says: ready?

“Y… yes.”  There's no escaping it. But now he feels that no matter what happens everything is going to be fine. Because he can be him, he can feel much and break, and he can ask for help. Jayce will take care of him. Yes. 

He starts the call.