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Joke Fic Idea of fairy tale parodies starring the Obey Me cast, like MC and the 7 Demons, Bluebeard with Solomon poisoning his prior wives with his cooking and keeping them behind that door to "recover" (he keeps poisoning them with his version of chicken noodle soup), Little Red Riding MC with the Big Bad Beelzebub, Sleeping Diavolo (Diavolo likes this one), Cinder-Levi, and more!

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I would pay money for this to exist, because it would be hilarious

Especially if it were like some meta or multiverse things where the cast can watch or read their fairytale parodies, and get a good laugh out of them and make fun of each other

Or alternative doing drama plays, which would be equally as funny

Obey Me Fairytale AU: So the framing device is that Luke is sick with a weird demon cold that Mammon gave him (whoever said "fools don't catch cold" is a damn dirty liar), which is leaving him feeling pretty crappy. To make him feel better while stuck in bed, Solomon and Simeon take some time off school to read him some fairytales, with some twists in it to match the Obey Me cast.

First on the docket is the classic Snow White (Solomon version, got the idea for it while writing), with MC (depicted as a sheep) as a human with bright white hair/fleece known as Snow White. The good king (Diavolo) doted on the human incessantly, much to the displeasure of his wife, Mephistopheles the evil queen, who is very much unhappy to be second fiddle to some filthy human by his own husband. So he has MC driven into the woods to die (Mephisto would've preferred them dead outright but he doesn't want to get into trouble with Diavolo once Barbatos finds out). MC wanders for a long time and winds up at the House of Lamentation, home to the 7 demon brothers, who allow them to stay on the condition that they help out with chores around the house.

Thing is, the king finds out about his precious little human being alive and goes looking for them, much to the further displeasure of the evil queen who gets all murderous again. And well, you know how the thing goes with the poison apples and stuff. The brothers come back to find MC out in the floor unresponsive and despite all their best efforts, the human is dead to the world. They're having the open casket funeral (Mammon blubbering like a baby and the others not much better) when the king's retinue shows up at the house. King Diavolo, horrified to learn that MC has died, has the casket transferred to the castle to be buried with honors. But Barbatos "accidentally" bumps the casket in just the right spot, knocking out the apple chunk and returning MC to life. At which point MC identifies Mephisto (who has really been upset at this whole thing) as looking just like the old guy who gave them the apple and Mephisto gets divorced and exiled in disgrace. And they lived happily ever after.

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In Simeon's version (which I only thought of as I was writing this), Lucifer is Snow White, with Michael (or an OC Archangel so Luke doesn't become upset) as the wicked stepbrother. Lucifer is declared fairest in the land and Michael is incredibly jealous and gets Raphael to kill him. But Raphael, who's a dick but not suicidal, tells Lucifer about and has him hide in the dark forest until the heat dies down. Lucifer ends up at the House, where his 7 siblings live (Lilith included; they and Lucifer aren't siblings here) and ends up passing out in their house, much to the shock of the proper inhabitants when they get home to find a mostly clean kitchen and some dude asleep on their counter. Lucifer manages to convince them to let him stay in exchange for housework because it seems like no one keeps shit clean around here, and the dwarves agree (chores tend to be done only by fist fights, nagging, and rather spirited rounds of "nose goes", at least Lucifer makes a chart).

But Michael is not exactly getting the glowing reviews he wants on being fairest in the land and realizes that Lucifer is still alive. So, he starts plotting for Lucifer's death in a much more direct fashion because when a hitman doesn't do his job, you have to do it yourself. But instead of making the poison apples himself (Michael sees himself as too good for that), he goes to a witch living on the outskirts of town known as Solomon, infamous for powerful spells and cooking that could topple empires from how terrible it was. He pays Solomon to make poisoned apples, a dark forest delicacy and one of Lucifer's favorite foods (canon too), but place a sleeping spell on them, since the person he wa buying for was chronically not sleeping enough. He then uses some magic to make them look like regular poison apples and headed to where his magic found him disguised as a peddler. Since Lucifer loves these things and is in the middle of making dinner, he just kinda takes the whole basket off Michael's hands without checking them, pays, and eats one without thinking before collapsing in pain, apparently dead.

Michael goes off happy that he got rid of his rival, but what he didn't realize is that the siblings were coming home right as he was taking off his disguise and half the brothers go on a mad chase after him while Lilith, Levi, Asmo, and Belphie do their best to revive Lucifer. But while Michael was struck down for his treachery, Lucifer was unable to be revived. They arranged for a lovely funeral, with a glass coffin and everything (it felt right to splurge on it for Lucifer, even if he would've been upset about the waste of money) and were going to put it in a mausoleum when Prince Diavolo of the neighboring kingdom (Lucifer's fiancé whose been worried sick about not hearing from him for months) comes riding by and immediately recognizes his love, lying dead mourned by strangers. After some arguing, Diavolo gets to take Lucifer back to his home kingdom to be buried. But Barbatos again bumps the coffin in just the right spot, dislodging the magic on the apple and causing Lucifer to be revived to much joy and fanfare, even if he still looked dead from the terrible taste of Solomon's cooking. Dia and Luci marry and they live happily ever after!

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I would so love to see the brothers as little draws. Or not so little draws. Both is cute and funny. I would also love to see how officially the MC is supposed to do the housework, but head of the household Luci refuses to let them do the work, cause "if you want do something right do it yourself". So MC is just kinda there, chilling their life until the whole apple thing goes down. Also RIP to Mephisto if he ever hears that story where he is again basically just the ex x)

Watch how Dia will commission to have the 2nd version be made in print, much to Luci's horror. Also poor Solomon, but his cooking is a weapon of mass destruction in the end. That aside it must be so funny in the story for the siblings to find a guy in their house who basically moved in and becomes the head of the household and nags like a strict mother at everything. But they love him nonetheless

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Obey Me Fairytale AU: Cinder-Levi (Simeon version): There was once a young man with a young son named Leviathan. The man was of very minor nobility with a gorgeous seaside estate. Leviathan's mother had passed when her child was young and his father traveled a lot, so he was a lonely young boy. So, Leviathan's father thought it would be best to remarry and give his son people to interact with at home around his station. That's when Lord Lucifer and his 2 younger brothers, Mammon and Asmodeus, came into Leviathan's life.

Leviathan's father perished in a storm coming back from a business trip just off the coast. Lucifer had taken control of the household as the widow, and things just kind of went downhill from there. No longer was Leviathan allowed to be a pampered rich young man. Oh no, now he had to work for his living. Admittedly, Mammon and Asmodeus had to work and do chores as well, but they were never around and almost always ruined any chores they tried to do, so Levi and Lucifer did them all anyway. As the boys grew up into young men, Mammon and Asmodeus just seemed to get more attractive than ever, which really did not help Leviathan's self-esteem as a young man who already feels overlooked and hated. It's not like he cares, though. Or he says he doesn't, but how he spends any free time he has at the dock talking to his fish friends or holed up in his room consumed in his stories says otherwise.

One day, Lucifer comes home from work with invitations. Seems like the second princex (MC, adopted) is having a birthday party and Lord Diavolo (the crown prince) is looking to host every eligible young noble for it. Lucifer rolls his eyes but Mammon and Asmo are just hyped about being allowed to go to a party without Lucifer getting pissy about it. Levi says he doesn't want to go, the whole party thing is very much not his scene and he has a raid going on that night. But the very night of the party, the stepfamily leaves, the raid ends up ending early due to server bullshit, and Levi's desperate fear of missing out has reared its head with a vengeance.

He has like nothing to even remotely go to a fancy party in and has like no fucking experience in any fancy noble parties at all, so he kinda is just pacing at the dock, rambling to Lotan and Henry 2.0 about how he hates parties but also hates missing out. Just then, a flash of light appears on the dock, and here comes the fairy godbrother, Simeon! Using some shed scales from Henry 2.0 and a rare Ruri-chan photo that Levi begrudgingly let Simeon have, Simeon made him a very handsome orange scale suit, with Lotan given the ability to shrink and grow at will and even fly to give him easy transport to the ball. Standard warning, only got til the last bell of midnight but given Levi's hatred for social events, he would probably want to head home around 10 anyway.

Levi gets to the ball and gets in, spotting Asmo already in a circle of handsome young nobility to be debauched, Mammon stealing the wallets of various rich people, Lord Diavolo clearly trying to become Lucifer's husband number 3 to no avail. Frankly, Levi's plan was to just skulk around the edges for about an hour and head home, but then someone actually started to talk to them, a human in fancy clothes (MC). Levi's just awkward and tries to shoo them away, but MC didn't learn etiquette in this court without being pushy. Finally, MC gets Levi more comfortable and has him tell them about his interests. At which point Levi starts talking about The Seven Lords for actual hours, with MC just waiting and listening patiently all the while.

Then the midnight bells start to ring and oh motherfucker, Levi's so dead!! He just dashes right out of the ball, not even waiting as MC calls out. Thank fuck for Lotan being super big and distracting, it helped so much with getting Levi out. He just barely gets back to the house by the time Lotan stops being able to fly and the magic runs out for good. But Levi had a shockingly good time.

The next morning, a bunch of soldiers and Lord Diavolo shows up at the house looking to talk to everyone. Asmo's still hungover and sex-drunk and trying to hit on some soldiers while Mammon is forking over wallets, despite that not being what they were here for, and Lucifer has no idea what's up (it's his day off!). Diavolo pulls out the Ruri-chan photo Levi had dropped in the chaos and asks Lucifer if he knows anything about this. Lucifer doesn't recognize it on sight, but he does know that it's something Levi cares about, so he calls him out. Then Levi bursts out the room to confront Mammon about the rare picture that he lost and finds the room full of his stepmom's boss and a bunch of soldiers, right as MC comes in since they hate being stuck in the carriage. MC recognizes Levi right away from his nerdy rambling, and they head on back to the castle together to continue that discussion they were having before Levi had to run, living happily ever after!

[Holy crap, this is a fucking novella!]

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(I can hear Lucifer's annoyed sigh all the way here about him being made the wicked stepmother. Which is a beautiful sound ♥)

Must be such suffering for that shut in to suddenly have a step-parent like Lucifer who is forcing him to work after years of being spoiled and pampered to the level of basically being useless. And the fact that Lucifer himself does chores as well, and also forces Mammon and Amso to help does not stop the anger

Just love also how Levi denies joining on on the celebration. To then get jealous about being "left out" and follows after all, after having Solomon help him. Because that is very much Levi at his finest. And hey, he actually would've missed out getting to nerd out about with MC for hours. So many in fact that he almost misses the toll and has run home quickly. Leading to the whole royal assembly turning up on their doorstep the next day. But hey they get to nerd out even more, which is a win (And it's giving Dia another shot at maybe becoming the 3rd and final husband)

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Obey Me Fairytale AU: Beauty and the Beast (Solomon version): Years ago, there was a prince with a massive problem with his own greed, namely how he kept getting in trouble with wealthy fairies and witches alike, getting in and out of debt with them some often while constantly gambling and getting into more debt with other powerful mages and robbing people and basically being a crappy jerk who uses his looks and sweet talk to con anyone and almost everyone out of money to enrich himself. So naturally, one witch got fed up with this bullshit and cursed him to become a scary monster who would be consumed by his own greed and could only be healed when he found someone that would genuinely love him and that he would betray his own greed for. And just because she knows to make it stick, she makes it so that his brothers, who he cares about more than anything, would be unable to break him free from the curse.

The prince, named Mammon, naturally freaks the fuck out because he puts a lot of value in his looks (it's how he gets money legitimately) and how his brothers teased him for finally getting his ass hurt by his creditors. Then they couldn't fix it, and now they have a real problem. Since Mammon can't be seen like this, they have him hidden in an older castle that they barely use with some servants they can at least somewhat trust not to talk while they try to figure out a way to fix this. For years, the cursed prince stayed in that castle, demanding tribute from the surrounding provinces in riches, always bringing in craftsmen and jewelers for whatever fancy trinkets he wanted next but never being seen by anyone. It just becomes a thing that happens; the second prince lives there and wants shiny trinkets for taxes.

But then, one horrible freezing cold night, a lost traveling monk named Simeon came up to their door and asked for shelter. The servants were apprehensive since the prince was out and about tonight, and no one wanted to risk the secret getting out, but the prince gave them orders to let him in. And well, Simeon is incredibly grateful for his benefactor, but it's incredibly suspicious that the servants seem to be very worried about Simeon seeing stuff he shouldn't see. Not that he can find out what he's not meant to see, the hypothermia isn't making him very coherent or rational. After warming up a bit and getting some food, Simeon tries to look for his benefactor to thank them and wanders about the absurdly opulent palace (just how much of this could be alms for the poor?) He finds a lovely garden with a massive, full blooming rose bush, with red and golden roses half-frozen from the cold. Simeon approaches the bush and even picks up one of the fallen blooms to look at it because he's never seen this before. Tragically, right behind him is the very irate prince, thinking Simeon is trying to steal the rose and thus something that belongs to him. And then Simeon gets thrown into the dungeon, despite his protests and pleads.

In the local town, the small monastery was worrying over Simeon. He was supposed to be back last night, but that last cold snap had left his arrival now wholly uncertain. Especially the little orphans who Simeon loves to take care of. Finally, the reports on the castle come back, and Simeon has been arrested for allegedly trying to rob the 2nd prince! This immediately causes an outrage because Simeon, stealing? That's preposterous! So Father Solomon (the local priest, very shady) and the young acolyte Luke and some other children go up to the castle to petition for Simeon's release. But Mammon, hiding in a shadowy cloak, refuses to budge. So one of the orphans, a little 9-year-old girl nicknamed Beauty with far more guts than sense, says she'll trade herself for Simeon's release. The others, including Simeon, try to tell her that this is a terrible idea and don't throw her life away. Still, Mammon admires the kid's guts and makes the trade, quickly having the assembled holy people and orphans thrown out and leaving Beauty behind to be taken as a "special guest."

But, well, it's not like Mammon knows what the fuck he's going to do with a kid, and Beauty still thinks of him as a colossal jerk, so things are tense in the castle, to say the least. It's definitely a luxury that Beauty had never felt otherwise, but she still doesn't like Mammon and avoids him. This hurts; Mammon can't lie, especially since he actually likes kids. Still, time goes on, and the primary tension sort of fades (to the relief of the servants because they didn't sign up for family tension for more than once a month whenever one of the other princes showed up), at least until Beauty tried to run away, got lost, and nearly got trampled by a wild boar before Mammon saved her. And then that's when they start to get genuinely closer, Mammon even spoiling Beauty like a favored daughter.

Meanwhile, Simeon and Solomon have gone to the crown prince to tell him about how his brother had pretty much kidnapped a child, and well, the crown prince can't have that shit at all. He marches down to the castle Mammon is holed up to force him to give back the kid. But at the same time, well, you remember the witches that Mammon had a habit of scamming? Well, the curse didn't mean he would actually pay them back, so they still wanted their money back, Which they did by going up to Mammon's castle and trying to force him to pay them back. Mammon is fast but magically unskilled, so his attempt to flee failed by one paralysis spell hitting him in the back.

Beauty, who was playing around after Mammon had put her to bed, heard the commotion and came out to see Mammon stuck on the ground in the throne room, surrounded by some furious people with wands and shouting. So again, more guts than sense, Beauty races down and tries to protect Mammon from the bunch of meanies. Most of the witches back off, but not every witch isn't down with not attacking little kids, so one of them, Maddi, gets a bright idea and grabs Beauty by the arm to threaten Mammon into paying them back, or the girl gets hurt. Mammon, in utter horror, tells them that he would give them whatever they wanted, just let her go. Which has the added benefit of starting to break the initial spell that turned him into a mother in the first place and breaking the paralysis spell. So Beauty wrenches her arm out of Maddi's grip and runs behind a now recovered Mammon, who proceeds to chase the now very freaked out witches into an ambush set up by Mammon's servants to have them arrested.

Then Mammon collapses on his knees because that's a lot of magic power he just broke, and he's been living in this monster form for years; the sudden change isn't good for his system. Beauty cries and hugs him, begging Mammon not to die as he reassures her that he's going to be okay and still be there with her. And as the crown prince arrives, he finds Mammon, returned to his human form and gently comforting this little girl he dressed in finery. Mammon still gets in trouble for the whole "took the kid as ransom" thing, but he officially adopts Beauty as his daughter, and they lived happily ever after.

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That is such a sweet twist on the tale with it being the platonic love between a father and his child that breaks the spell ♥ It really made my heart melt and feel all warm and fussy ♥

But hey, it is always said that a child does change a person and usually, in the best case scenarios, it's into a better person. Which really was the case here where Mammon, the embodiment of greed (rather literally outside of the fairytale), is willing to give everything just to make sure that Beauty stays unharmed

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What do you think would be best for a Sleeping Beauty in the Obey Me Fairytale AU, Diavolo or MC? Because I really think both would work, but Princess Diavolo is still funny to think about

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I would go with Princess Diavolo, because it will never stop being funny

Plus you could do some plot along the lines of Belphegor, who can use sleeping magic, put the poor Princess Diavolo into eternal sleep to piss Prince Lucifer off. Which has the bonus that it would piss Lucifer off hearing the fairytale

Obey Me Fairytale AU: Sleeping Beauty (Simeon version): Once upon a time there was a young princess by the name of Diavolo (yes, boys can be princesses, keep up). Diavolo was a much-wanted heir, but unfortunately, his mother had passed away during his birth, leaving the king much bereft and distant from his own child. When the day had come for the baby boy to be presented to the kingdom as the long-sought-after heir, the celebration was absolutely insane. Drinking and feasting and other shit that really shouldn't be happening at what's pretty much a christening, loaded with condolences for the king and presents for the young heir, including from the 7 Lords, 7 skilled fae nobles with good relations to the crown (hell, the Lord of Lechery, number 5, is why they managed to get their baby boy in the first place after years of trying).

Well, not all of them have good relations, as the Lord of Emptiness (Belphegor) makes clear by changing the blessing he was going to make for the little prince into a curse to sleep for eternity once he turns of age by pricking his finger on a spindle, mostly to spite the crown. Leaving the Lord of Corruption (Simeon, who was planning something nicer for his present but this is why they can't have nice things) to have to use his burst of magic to change it to "sleep until true love's kiss" before bringing everyone home to give the Lord of Emptiness the reaming out of a lifetime. To protect his son, the Demon King has him raised by a trusted retainer, Barbatos, and sent out to the countryside, far away from any of those spinning wheels.

Young Diavolo grows up to be a handsome, strapping young man, always willing to lend an ear and a helping hand to anyone who would need it. And what do you know, Prince Lucifer of the neighboring kingdom, (blood brother of the 7 Lords, crown prince and his father’s heir, and also Diavolo's fiance) ends up getting held up in the woods shortly before having to arrive at the castle for Diavolo's coming of age celebration. Because his horse got spooked and chucked him into a mud puddle on the shore of a large lake, soiling his armor and his clothes.

Diavolo was walking through the woods bringing back supplies with Barbatos when he saw this and rushed over to help the young man back up and bring him to their small country estate to clean him up. Then Diavolo talks with the cranky Lucifer and is clearly smitten, with Lucifer clearly fighting his own blush. But finally, the armor and his clothes are clean, and Lucifer must head onward to the Demon King's castle, though Diavolo makes him promise to come to visit the next day, which is also the day that Diavolo comes of age. Lucifer rides off, desperately trying to fight down the blush for the cute handsome lesser noble (Diavolo's wearing more dressed-down clothes for errands, but he's still clearly of noble blood).

The next day comes, and Diavolo (is forced to) rides out early to the castle for his coming-of-age party, with Barbatos fussing over him like a mother over making a good impression, just as Lucifer rides out to visit the cute nobleman because hey, he has time before the party and he wants to keep his promise. Only, when he gets to the estate, he doesn't find Diavolo or his servant, but the Lord of Emptiness, who wants this curse to kick in and isn't taking any chance with it, so he knocks Lucifer out with a sleeping spell and kidnaps him to his tower. Diavolo arrives at the castle to all sorts of cheering and excitement and is quickly shuffled off to go get ready because he's the star of the show and he needs to look his best.

Diavolo's known this time had been coming for a long while, but it didn't mean the weight of being the heir to the throne wasn't bringing his usually proud head down. Especially with this pending engagement, which Diavolo knows is for peace, but their kingdoms have hated each other for years, and he's still worried about something going so wrong. During this contemplation, he never even noticed that he was leaving the main room for a stairwell he was sure wasn't there originally. Up the spiraling staircase, Diavolo climbs, slowing as his movements become ever more mechanical and enchanted. A small table and chair at the top of the staircase, with a tiny replica spinning wheel on top. Diavolo, somewhat snapped out of his contemplative stupor but not the enchantment, approached the little spinning wheel, turning it over in his hands; he had never seen something so small and cute before. Then he pricks himself on the needle-sharp and small point of the model spindle and, while remembering, "Hey, what was that thing Barbatos said about spindles" before collapsing as Barbatos rushes inside just in time to catch him.

Meanwhile, Lucifer woke up to the Lord of Emptiness' cackle, and he immediately knew he had done something. The LoE never cackles unless he did something wrong at someone else's expense. But he's stuck in the dungeon, and if there's one thing about fae dungeons you can always know about, they're almost impossible to break out of. Luckily, Lucifer also knows when to quickly call in some favors and summons the Lord of Fools, the second Lord, in to help him get out and get back to the Demon King's castle. Now, the Lord of Fools isn't generally the type to help against his brothers, but he is frankly way more scared of Lucifer than the LoE, so he helps him get out and even grabs him a unicorn to ride since he couldn't get Lucifer's horse. The unicorn looks like it came out of Lisa Frank, but he doesn't exactly get the luxury of options, so Lucifer saddles up and rides out, with the LoE in hot pursuit.

See, because the LoE is quite lazy but loves to make life difficult for people he doesn't like, he had cursed the rest of the castle to sleep as well, and then just poured a ton of spike vines around the castle, partially as an accident but it works to keep people out of the castle because this curse is meant to be a punishment. But Lucifer is determined and persistent, so he rides onward to rescue Diavolo, maneuvering the unicorn expertly to dodge the ever-growing spiked vines before finally arriving at the castle, the LoF holding his brother down so that Lucifer can get in and break the curse.

Lucifer dashes into the castle, but since he doesn't live here, he has to wander for a bit. He finds many servants passed out in the middle of what they were doing; his father and the demon king cuddling into each other, clearly after passing out mid-argument; and a rather substantial crowd around the princess' tower, so that's clearly where he should go. Before entering the princess's chambers, he navigates around the passed-out bodies and gently repositions Barbatos, who managed to fall asleep standing up, so he doesn't hurt his back. And there on the bed is the noble boy from the forest, Princess Diavolo asleep peacefully on the bed.

But Lucifer's still incredibly awkward because they technically only recently met and he doesn't even know how to reconcile his own feelings about Diavolo yet. But whatever, nothing ventured, nothing gained! He kisses Diavolo on the forehead and starts to pace around in embarrassment that he had actually done that. But then, that's when Diavolo opens his eyes and asks Lucifer if it was truly him that gave the kiss. Lucifer, somehow turning redder than Diavolo's dress, nods and Diavolo just smiles so radiantly.

Everyone wakes up by this time and they come out of the room, to the relief of literally everyone because who knows how long they could've been stuck cursed if Lucifer wasn't there. The couple gets married within the next few years and once the demon king formally abdicates, Diavolo proves to be a kind and compassionate king, while the LoE gets extremely grounded for years. And they all lived happily ever after!

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I am going to say it again and again: Princess Diavolo will never stop making me giggle

Classic Belphegor to just go and fuck with everyone. And damn he really fucked with everyone here by cursing Diavolo out of the blue to the point that all that Simeon can do is somewhat weaken the curse. Not that it helps all too much when the curse can only be lifted by true love's first kiss, which will mean that they do need to find that person if it ever comes to the curse hitting them all

Well, to their luck the true love found them instead. Because otherwise they all would've had a huge problem. But still utterly embarrassing for Lucifer, who probably did not expect his first kiss with his fiancé to go like this. However it at least for sure proved each other's feelings for one another

Also random but I find the imagine of the Demon King and the Holy Father having fallen asleep mid argument and being in a cuddle so funny. If Lucifer were just a little bit more of an arsehole he so would've loved to keep a picture of that moment

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Since it's Asmo's birthday tomorrow, I wanna make him into Rapunzel for the next installment of the Obey Me Fairytale AU, but part of the problem is the witch keeping him locked in the tower. Like, do I make them more of the emotionally abusive Mother Gothel sort or a super overprotective Lucifer who is not happy at all with this random prince sneaking into his baby brother's tower

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If you use Lucifer I would go with him being super overprotective. Because that is what he is and he would happily lock Asmo into a tower to ground him if he did something stupidly dangerous

But if you use someone else, either a side character or an OC, I would go with the classic emotionally abusive. But I personally find "overprotective Lucifer whose reason is actually just silly and the method over the top" funnier

Obey Me Fairytale AU: Rapunzel (Solomon version): Once upon a time, there was a young couple who had been trying for a long time to have a child, but had no success. But finally, they're having a viable pregnancy! It's just that the soon to be mother had become incredibly sick around the third trimester, with her best bet for survival being her husband stealing the magical vegetables of the antisocial witch next door, since they can't afford a doctor and the witch doesn't like anyone. So he steals it and immediately gets caught by the witch, Lucifer, who is naturally very pissed about the whole theft thing. The husband begs for mercy and explains why he stole it, but Lucifer isn't super impressed. But fine, he'll help them. His wife and child will be fine, with even another opportunity for a healthy child too, as long as they give Lucifer this child (hey, magical lettuce has weird effects on babies, he needs to be there for supervision). Now, the husband doesn't want to give up his first child, but he doesn't really have much of a choice. He makes the deal, gets the lettuce, heals his wife, and they spend the rest of the pregnancy incredibly tense because he fucking sold their baby! 

And out pops a beautiful baby boy that Lucifer named Asmodeus (he used some magic to make a clone child for the parents, don't feel too bad). He grows up to be Lucifer's adorable little shadow, always following him around and trying to imitate him. But as Asmodeus gets older, he starts to exhibit some odd habits (which Lucifer hopes are just effects of the magic lettuce and cloning magic shortly after birth) and also having unnaturally long wavy strawberry blond hair (actually side effect of the magic lettuce). Like, growing far faster than most haircuts can resolve and genuinely becoming a massive problem because Lucifer also has other brothers and a lot of dangerous stuff in the house which makes all this loose hair a massive hassle and very dangerous. So that's when Lucifer got the brilliant idea to send Asmo to the one-window tower when he was about 12 and had 20 ft long hair. Or, at least he called it "giving Asmo his own room" to make it go down smoother. 

Asmodeus grows up to be an utterly gorgeous young man with hair that averages out to 50 ft long. To visit, his siblings have adopted sort of a code "Asmo/Asmodeus, let down your hair!" (There is a proper door, but it's not easy to get into at all and it's half buried in stones), at which point Asmo tosses down his hair and they climb up. And his odd habits have frankly grown worse with being so isolated from normal interactions. He's beautiful, sure, but he could be so vain and flippant about how other people feel. 

In fact, on that fateful day, Asmodeus had been grounded for several months for trying to trick some travelers out of their valuables with some of the other brothers. (This is kinda based on how Solomon and Asmodeus actually met, but instead of tricking travelers, it was Asmodeus stalking a woman and killing her lovers for months before finally getting banished but this is a story for Luke and not stuff he can tell). He's singing and that's when the young prince Solomon is riding by to look for new medicines and magical ingredients. Solomon falls in love immediately and heads straight to the tower but he can't get up there at all. Then he hides as he hears someone come into the glen and it's Lucifer, one of the most elusive sorcerers on the continent. And he goes up and yells "Asmodeus, let down your hair!" And out comes this absolute waterfall of hair, easily down to just above the bottom of the tower, and Lucifer climbs up to meet with this absolutely beautiful young man, clearly the source of the voice. Solomon's fallen even more in love and so when Lucifer leaves (almost 3 hours later, the horse is so bored), Solomon heads up and calls out "Asmodeus, let down your hair!" Asmodeus could tell the voice sounded a bit weird, but he figured hey, maybe it's one of his brothers hiding from Lucifer. Then Solomon comes up and that is not his brother!

Asmo freaks out and after quite a kerfuffle, they get to talking and discover that hey, they actually have a lot in common and Solomon knows a ton about the world. So when Solomon has to sadly leave as it's getting dark and he doesn't want to risk losing his horse, Asmodeus makes him promise to come back the next day. And Solomon does, the next and the next for months, always coming with new spells, stories, and just to spend time together (in ways both child appropriate and not). And the more they spend time together, the more their infatuation grows until Solomon and Asmodeus finally trust each other to make a magical pact together. 

Then it all comes crashing down a few days after they make the pact, when Lucifer and his brothers comes to visit again while Solomon is out. Asmodeus has been in an unusually good mood, singing and dancing around the tower as they make dinner. Then Lucifer went to demand Asmodeus come out from the stupid bathroom, dinner is ready! Finally, Lucifer gets tired and gives Asmodeus an ultimatum: come out at the count of 3 or they open the door by force. Asmodeus can't cover up fast enough and by the 3, Lucifer opens the door and finds a large winding pact mark on his back, barely covered up by his hair but now revealed. 

And Lucifer is absolutely furious because what the fuck, who the fuck did this?!! Asmodeus refuses to admit it, but with how a pact works, it won't be long until the bastard comes back. Lucifer pulls out an enchanted pair of scissors, meant to keep Asmo's hair from growing so unnaturally fast and go back to a normal rate of hair growth. It was supposed to be a surprise for after dinner for taking being grounded for so long well but now it's got a very different purpose. He shears off Asmodeus's hair at the nape of the neck, much to the young man's horror, and takes the shorn off hair along with a sobbing Asmo out to show his other brothers the pact mark. He has a plan to teach this vile bastard who took advantage of Asmodeus a lesson he'll never forget. 

The next day, Solomon comes to the tower and has a very bad feeling that he can't place. But he doesn't have reason to leave and he has to see Asmodeus today. But when he climbs up the hair, what he finds isn't a cheeky Asmodeus but a bunch of very angry and scary looking young men (the brothers), including Lucifer who is glaring right at him. They beat the ever loving crap out of him, before Asmodeus finally gets out of his locked room and uses his magic to stop them. Solomon is very badly hurt and Asmodeus, selfish and impetuous Asmodeus, genuinely begins to cry over him. 

And in that moment, a miracle happened; Solomon, who looked like he was beaten to death, opened his eyes. After healing up and everyone talking things out and apologizing (Asmodeus glaring the whole time), Solomon brings Asmodeus to his castle where they get happily married. And they lived happily ever after!

[Holy shit, this feels like it took years]

—

Thank god that Solomon is alright after that massive beat down. Beelzebub alone could beat someone to death, let alone 6 of the 7 brothers together. Who knows how things would've ended if Asmodeus didn't manage to escape his room on time and clear things up, like that Solomon didn't trick him or anything

But Asmodeus should've really thought things through better, like maybe doing the pact after him not being grounded any more, or not spend hours in the bathroom while his brothers are waiting for him. However it wouldn't be Asmodeus if he did think things through, since all of the brothers are very much bad with that one

However at least everything worked out with Asmodeus not being stuck with hair that is way too long to handle, Solomon not getting beaten to death, and the 2 of them getting to get married. So happy end for all

Chapter Text

[Guess who just graduated from university? Me!!] Obey Me Fairytale AU: Little Red Riding Hood (Simeon version): Once upon a time, there was a little sheep named MC who had a favorite red hooded cloak, earning them the nickname of Little Red Riding Hood. One day, MC was tasked with giving a basket of treats by the local baker, Barbatos, to deliver to Mr. Lucifer who lives in the woods. MC sets about their task dutifully (Barbatos pays well), walking into the woods to make the trek to Lucifer's home. 

But the woods are large and very scary for a little sheep, especially with things like the Big Bad Beelzebub on the prowl for more food. And what luck, a tiny little sheep is here with a basket full of goodies! But the sheep, annoyingly, refuses to let him have some, even though they aren't afraid of him like so many of the other delivery people (who are never heard of again once they meet Beel on a bad day). Even with all his tries to get them off the path, the little sheep stayed firmly on the path. Beel could just eat the sheep up right now, but he's not going to do that, he's going to go to the address, which is conveniently where his good brother Lucifer lives. 

Lucifer, for his part, isn't home and is having some fun with a handsome woodcutter who lives down the way (if Luke asks, they're in a sewing club and just went to get dinner), so it's easy for him to get inside and dress up as Lucifer (it helps that MC has only seen Lucifer once or twice and well, when you're short, every tall person looks the same height). And so he opens the door, leaving our little Red Riding Hood very confused about why he looks so different. Beel invites Little Red inside to set the goods out on the table so he can make sure MC brought everything (something Lucifer actually does), so the very nervous MC comes inside. 

At this point, Lucifer and the woodcutter (Diavolo) have come back and notice that there's something off with the house and that oh no, there's someone inside that isn't supposed to be there! And that's when they burst in to find Beelzebub right about to eat a very terrified little Red Riding Hood. Diavolo moves fast, quickly tackling Beel while Lucifer grabs the poor frightened stiff sheep to take outside. After Beel is sufficiently secured, he's taken outside to the authorities in town by Diavolo for proper punishment. Lucifer has the decency to apologize to MC for them nearly being eaten, and has his brother Mammon escort them back home, with a hefty bonus and tip as a reward for actually delivering the food while being hounded by Beelzebub (people hardly ever come to the house because of him). And they lived happily ever after!

—

Poor little MC. They are only trying to be a good sheep and do their job well, and Beelzebub comes along and tries to eat the poor thing. They deserve all the tip and more, and best a good vacation as well for their troubles. And most importantly Beelzebub apologising to them

But it was a real close call. Because if Lucifer and Diavolo spend just a few minute more "sewing at their club" (that part made me laugh so hard), MC would've been swallowed up whole. And then they would've had the mess