Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

I fill the void up with polished doubt, fake sentiment

May 27, 1998

The sounds of cars honking and people chattering fills the brisk air as Remus Lupin walks quickly down the streets of New York. He crosses at a white lined crosswalk and walks down half a block before entering a tall grey building, surrounded by skyscrapers.

He glances at the security man standing behind the desk at the front. Fortunately it isn’t the man who always greets Remus and tries to strike up a conversation with him. He swipes his keycard and enters the elevator bank, where there are six elevators. He quickly presses the ‘up’ button and waits for a few moments before a ‘ding’ comes, and one of the elevator doors opens. He enters and presses the button for the 47th floor. The doors close and the elevator shoots up with a whirring noise.

The doors open to a sleek white area. He enters a door on the right and walks down a few rows of desks. He pauses when he sees someone behind a cluttered desk. “Hullo Yolanda,” he calls.

A woman with greying hair and laugh lines looks up at him and smiles. “Hello Remus,” she replies.

That’s typically the extent of their conversations. He nods and continues walking to an organized but busy desk, where he sets down his things and takes a seat.

He boots up his computer and sighs.

Just another day.

Later that evening, Remus is back at his flat. He steeps a cup of tea and sits down at his couch when there’s a tapping at his window.

Remus sighs and slowly gets up, wincing as his sore hip twinges. He walks over to the window and sees a familiar tawny owl in the window. He forces the squeaky window open and lets the owl in. He’s not sure why the window even opens on his fourth floor flat, but it’s useful because James consistently sends owls, no matter how many times Remus hints that he should use muggle post, like Lily does.

When Remus left Britain for New York City he hadn’t planned on staying in touch with anyone.

Peter of course, was in Azkaban, may he rot there for the rest of his life.

Marlene, Dorcas, and Mary were lovely, but Remus couldn’t bear to maintain connections, he wouldn’t even know what to say to them.

He does speak to his parents, mostly his mother, but that is done over the phone.

James and Lily had demanded to be given an address to his new place. Remus considered refusing at first. He wanted to leave behind the entire Britain wizarding world, and staying in contact with two of his best friends defeated the purpose. But James was very convincing, and adding in Lily’s pleas, he eventually gave in.

He was strict that he would never visit, and he never invited them for a visit either. Instead, they sent letters. They had sent him letters every week consistently for the first few months, though they slowly petered out over the years. James does still send owls to Remus at least once a month. They’re not always long, just little updates on his life. Remus was granted some insights into Harry’s life as he grew up, even if he couldn’t be there for it.

Well, couldn’t, wouldn’t. Either way, he wasn’t there.

But he got updates, when Faye and Briar were born, and then when they got into Hogwarts. Harry and Faye as Gryffindor’s, and Briar as a Hufflepuff. When Harry made the youngest Seeker in the century, and even Harry’s first detention, when he got caught trying to duel the Malfoy heir. It was nice to hear these little bits of Lily, James, and their children’s lives, even if he was trying to escape the overall wizarding world.

Remus mainly stayed in the muggle world, these days. Even his current job as a Publisher for a fiction book publisher was in the muggle world. He only visited the wizarding district of New York City, named Tulgey Village, on occasion, when he needed to mail out a letter (he didn’t have an owl of his own, as the upkeep was too expensive and time consuming) or if he needed to restock his chocolate frog stash. He sometimes also stopped by for a book or three, though lately spending so much time at work being forced to read manuscripts he isn’t really interested in made him dread reading a bit.

Instead, he spent his time moving between work and his flat, and not much else. He would occasionally go out to the pub with some people from work, but he hadn’t made many friends outside of that. It was difficult when he would have to explain why he was constantly getting ‘sick’. He had tried in the beginning. But it got exhausting to constantly think of excuses, and they got tired of him backing out of plans that fell too close to the full when he was feeling too sore.

Though on their own, fulls weren’t that bad anymore. They were at first, when it was just him warded securely into his bedroom. But soon after the war the Wolfsbane potion had been invented. It was too expensive for Remus to afford on his own, especially when he was constantly switching jobs, and living within the city.

That’s another place James comes in. It took a lot of back and forth, but eventually James wore Remus down and started providing him with the funds for Wolfsbane potion. He also occasionally provided funds towards Remus’s rent, especially when Remus mentioned in his letters that he was in between jobs.

It took a hit to Remus’s pride, but if we wanted to afford both his apartment and to eat, it was a necessary evil.

Remus took the letter off of the owl - Freya - and unfurled it.

My dearest Moony,

How are you doing??? I hope everything is going well with you. Have you gone out with your friends from work again?

Everything’s great over here. As you know, Harry is graduating at the end of June. I can’t believe it! I’ll be the father of a Hogwarts graduate! At least Faye is only in fifth year, and Briar is in third. Lily and I aren’t exactly grandparents yet.

Merlin I can’t wait until we’re grandparents.

But speaking of Harry’s graduation, we’re going to have a graduation party for him. It’s going to be pretty big, like we had for His fifth birthday, when everyone came over, remember I told you about that? But bigger. We’re basically inviting everyone we know, and even some people we don’t know yet - The Longbottoms are bringing their muggle neighbors, you know, the ones with the muggleborn hufflepuff that’s Briar’s age? Muggles! But they know about wizards, so it’s okay if we do magic. I asked Lils, to be sure, and she said it’s fine.

Even Regulus agreed he’d come! And you know how he is, never wants to come to any big party.

Anyway, I was thinking - wouldn’t it be neat if you came? It’s on June 30th. Come for the week before, and help us set up for the party?

I know, I know. It’s been 16 years since you’ve been to Britain. That’s a long time. But it would really mean a lot to us. And to Harry. All these years, he’s got to learn about his Uncle Moony, but he’s never gotten to meet you. Consider it a graduation gift.

Please come. Lily says you owe her because she lent you her Charms notes during NEWTS in seventh year. I said she should have gotten over that by now, but she said she’s still waiting for you to make it up to her.

Please.

I love you. So do Lily, Harry, Faye and Briar.

Eagerly awaiting your response,
Your best friend,

James

Remus reads the letter, then he rereads it, and rereads it once more just to be sure. Yes, James is definitely asking him to come to the Potter Manor in Caithness, Scotland in a little over a month.

After 16 years. 16 years that Remus has spent with minimal time in the wizarding world, let alone in Britain. And here James was, asking for him to go home. Or no, not home. Home was New York City now. Four white walls in a small studio apartment, minimally decorated and mildly messy.

He grabs and holds out an owl treat for Freya. She gobbles it down then nips at his fingers until he offers her a second one.

She takes it, then flies out the still open window. Remus watches her go until she becomes a speck in the sky.

He sighs and sits back down on the couch. He takes a sip of his tea.

There’s no way he can go. He hasn’t been back there in 16 years. It was too late at this point. Maybe if he had gone back after the first year or two, he could just say he needed a little bit of space after the war, but now? How was he supposed to explain his absence to these people who, once upon a time, meant so much to him?

Also, James was kind enough not to mention Sirius, but there’s no way Sirius would miss Harry’s graduation party.

Remus would have to see Sirius again.

Remus couldn’t see Sirius again.

Not since the last time they talked, 16 years ago.

Back when they were together, but not acting like it. When Remus was either gone on werewolf missions that he couldn’t tell Sirius about, or in a shitty mood at home in their flat. When Sirius was acting vicious and careless, with a complete disregard for his own life.

When Sirius thought Remus was the spy.

That’s what it all comes back to, for Remus. Sirius was the person who knew Remus best, better than anyone, even James. And he thought Remus was capable of giving away information to the death eaters, of sending their friends to an early grave.

What did that say about Remus? That the person who knew him best in the world thought he was capable of betraying his friends?

That he was a monster.

But Remus had always known that.

So Remus had left, once the war was won. Because how could he stay? Stay with someone who saw the worst in him? Stay in a world full of people who had fought against his existence. They had lost the war, but they were still out there. Death Eaters like Lucius Malfoy who had gotten out of Azkaban, claiming coercion or imperio. Even Fenir Greyback had gotten out of Azkaban by claiming he had been under Voldemort’s imperius curse.

Remus had fought against Fenir, citing things he had done before and during the war. But people weren’t going to listen to a werewolf, and Fenir was well connected. He had been able to get away with all of it. All the people he turned, the kids he attacked, and those he killed.

And Remus couldn’t deal with that. Deal with a world that would allow a man like Greyback to roam free.

So he left.

Fled the continent.

He hadn’t talked to Sirius, not since everything had gone down with Peter. Not since Sirius admitted that he had talked James and Lily into switching the Secret Keeper to Peter, because he hadn’t trusted Remus.

Remus, who had never doubted Sirius, who knew with a sense of absolution that Sirius was not the kind of person to betray his friends. Remus had not doubted Sirius, never entertained the idea of him as the traitor for a second.

What a fool he was.

When he left, he didn’t tell Sirius. After Regulus had destroyed Voldemort’s horcruxes and defeated him, Sirius had moved in with the Potter’s, and Remus had stayed at their flat in London. James would come to visit, sometimes Lily, but never Sirius. So when Remus decided he was packing up and leaving, he didn’t tell Sirius. Just James.

James had of course told Lily, who begged him to stay. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t stay and live. If he stayed, he would die, a piece of him would die and he would never be the same.

Here, he got the chance to heal. No one here knew what he was, they didn’t know enough to fear him. He was able to fit in as a normal person here, to the point he even started to think of himself as normal.

There was no way Remus could go back. What would he say to everyone? How could he explain to Molly Weasley why he was never around to babysit her kids? How was he to explain to Mary why he missed all of their weekly gossip sessions? Marlene, Dorcas? All of the other important people in his life, who he had cut off with no warning? How must they think of him?

No, he couldn’t go back. He wouldn’t.

But that night he dreamt of long black hair and grey eyes.

May 28th, 1998

The next day, Remus’s supervisor asks to speak with him. This isn’t an uncommon event. Remus often met with his supervisor to discuss ongoing projects.

So he wasn’t expecting to be laid off.

“I’m sorry Remus, but it just doesn’t seem like you’re committed to this job.” Keith was saying to Remus. “You’re constantly taking personal days, sick days. And when you are here, you’re not focused on work, you’re always off somewhere, daydreaming.”

“I’m sick,” Remus says distantly. “You can’t fire me because I’m sick.”

“It’s not because of your sickness, Remus, of course you must know that. It’s just that your performance when you are here isn’t up to scratch. I’m really sorry, but I’m going to need you to clear out your desk by the end of the day.”

Remus’s head is spinning. “The end of the day? But what about all of my current projects?

“HR thought this would be a cleaner break, I’ll take care of your current projects. It’s for the best, Remus, you must know that? You’re not happy here.”

It was the truth. He wasn’t happy there, no matter how much he tried to convince himself otherwise. He wasn’t made to sit in an office and email people all day.

He could fight it, say it was discriminatory that they were firing him because he was ‘sick’. But what if they needed proof? A doctor’s note or something? He couldn’t very well ask a muggle doctor to diagnose him with lycanthropy.

But even if he could fight it, should he? Is it even worth the effort?

Remus isn’t sure. And maybe that’s the answer.

He cleans out his office that morning, borrowing a box from the mailroom to carry all of his things from his desk.

He has to awkwardly shuffle through the tubes - subway, he reminds himself - with his heavy box. He finally makes it back to his flat - apartment - and sighs as he struggles to open the door while holding the box.

“Need a hand?”

Remus looks up to see his neighbor from a few doors down, Jared. Jared is a tall black man that Remus has had the pleasure of fooling around with, though they both agreed that it would be a casual arrangement. It’s worked out well so far, and they generally get along, whether their clothes are off or on.

“Yeah, that’d be appreciated,” Remus says. And you know what, why not? “Do you want to come in?”

Jared grins at him.

The worst part of losing his job, Remus muses later over a cup of tea, after Jared has left, is that James always helps him out with rent when Remus is in between jobs. But Remus still hadn’t replied to his last letter asking Remus to attend Harry’s graduation party. How was he supposed to both refuse James’ first invitation to come over in years, while also asking him for more money?

Remus knows that James would still help Remus with rent, even if Remus vehemently refused to attend the party.

But Remus couldn’t live with himself for doing that.

Oh dear lord, this was happening. He picks up a piece of printer paper and a biro and starts writing.

Dear James,

Thanks for your letter.

I have been alright, though I do have some bad news. I’ve just been laid off from the Publisher job. They didn’t give me any warning, so I don’t have anything else lined up. I’ll have to find something soon, though maybe not an office job this time, I fear I’m growing weary of them.

I also cannot believe how old we are - Harry graduating Hogwarts?! I remember the day he was born like it was yesterday. At least Faye and Briar are still students.

I cannot believe I am saying this, but yes, I will come for Harry’s Graduation Party. As you asked, I’ll stay for the week beforehand to help plan and set up.

Your friend,
Remus

–

Moony,

It’s only a month until the party, just come here now! Apply for jobs when you get back. I’ll pay your rent for the next few months, don’t even worry about it. I’m just so elated to be able to actually see you!

Come whenever, stay for as long as you want.

I should warn you, Sirius does come over pretty regularly, so you will see him if you are staying here. Just so you are aware.

I’m so delighted we’ll get to see you, Lily is as well. She said she’ll forget about lending you her NEWTS notes. I wrote to Harry as well to tell him you’re coming, since he’s still at Hogwarts. He’ll be equally delighted, I’m sure.

Don’t forget that your self worth is determined by more than what job you have. You are an incredible wizard, Remus, and don’t you forget it.

Your favorite person,
James

–

Dear James,

Thank you for your letter.

Thank you James, truly. Yes, if you could help me pay rent for the next two months, I should be able to find another job. In the meantime, yes, I’ll come by for the month before the party. I’ll be there on Saturday.

Thanks for the warning.

Your friend,
Remus

And so it went.

Chapter Text

May 30th, 1998

By Saturday, Remus was still packing his bags. Eventually he finsished, charming them with a weightless charm and then a shrinking charm and sticking them in his pockets. He didn’t have a floo system set up, as his apartment didn’t even have a fireplace. So he had gone to Tulgey Village and ordered a portkey, which he held in his hand now. An empty container for a deck of cards.

He took a deep breath. Just another minute now. He could do this. He would do this.

See James and Lily again. And then pretty much everyone they knew at the Potter’s party in a month.

And Sirius.

But he couldn’t think of Sirius, wouldn’t think of him until he absolutely had to.

Remus’s heart starts beating faster. Oh god, would he be there when Remus arrived?

He wasn’t ready, he wasn’t -

There was a pulling at his navel, and suddenly he felt like he was being sucked through a tube as a liquid, then pushed out. He lands maybe a hundred paces from the Potter’s manor. It stands tall and proud against the sky, secluded as it was with woods all around the grounds.

Once upon a time, Potter Manor - nicknamed the Creekside Cottage for a creek that ran through the backyard of the grounds - was like a second home to Remus. Or third, after his own home and Hogwarts. He would go there for a week during Winter break, and a month during summer break. He and the others would run around, Remus would spend time in the library while James, Sirius and Peter would go flying, and they would all stay up late chatting. It was always a lively place. After the war, Monty and Effie had moved out to a smaller house, leaving the large manor to James, Lily, and their growing family.

Now, Remus loses balance and falls down to his knees, his hip protesting the entire time. He groans as pain passes through his hip.

“Moony!” comes an excited voice. Suddenly, James Potter is there, hauling Remus up and into a tight hug. After a second, Remus hugs him back, just as tightly. Oh, he didn’t know the last time he had been hugged like this. Not since the last time James hugged him, probably.

While James and Remus are still embracing, a flash of red approaches, and Lily hugs them both as well. “James had us standing out on the porch for the last half hour waiting for you,” Lily confesses.

“I didn’t want to miss his arrival!” James protests.

Remus laughs and pulls back from the hug slightly to say, “God, it’s good to see you both.”

James brings him back into a hug. “I’m so glad to see you, Moony! You’ve no idea. And we’ve got you for a whole month! We’re going to have so much fun!”

“Let him breathe, James,” Lily says, amused as she steps back from the embrace.

James pulls away, letting go of Remus with a pout. The pout quickly dissipates though, a large smile breaking through instead. “Remus! I can’t believe you’re really here!”

“I can hardly believe it myself,” Remus says.

“Come inside, I’ll make tea,” Lily says, gesturing towards the front door of the manor. Remus wonders how she can possibly get used to living in such a large place. Does the upkeep not grow tiring? Perhaps they have a house elf or two, though James hadn’t mentioned.

Lily leads them towards a living area. On the way, they pass by walls full of portraits, paintings, and framed photographs. Harry was in a decent amount of them, along with Faye and Briar, showing them throughout the years. Mary is also in some photographs, along with Marlene and Dorcas. Many others as well, even some people Remus didn’t recognize. Remus himself was in a few of them, though those were all older photos, taken before or during the war.

He was there too, in the photographs. Sirius. Remus watches one photograph that shows Sirius throwing Briar up in the air while Faye and Harry stand next to him, doubled over laughing. He watches as it resets and Sirius throws Briar through the air, again and again. Remus raises a hand, as if to reach for the photograph.

“Remus,” James says gently. He’s been standing about too long, didn’t follow after James and Lily as they led him into a house that was equal parts familiar and foreign.

“Is he,” Remus’s voice cracks embarrassingly. “Is he here now?”

“No,” James says after a slight pause. “We didn’t think that would be a good idea. But he will be, at some point. He may not live here anymore, but this is as much his home as it is mine.” James says this in a kind tone, but unapologetically. Remus knows that James and Sirius are like brothers, he knows how close they are, so he’s not surprised, but there’s still an ache inside him, like he’s on the outside of something. But it’s his own fault this time, as he’s the one who left.

Remus drops his hand. “Okay,” he says, because he doesn’t know how to voice his actual thoughts on the subject, and cannot even begin to breach that unhealed wound.

James leads him towards the living room, while Lily excuses herself to the kitchen to make some tea for them. “You still drink herbal tea, Remus? No milk, a tablespoon of sugar?” she asks.

Remus blinks, and wonders at the everlasting love of Lily Evans Potter. “Yes,” he confirms. “That’s right.”

She nods and walks off while they head to the living room. The room is cosy, with two large couches, two armchairs and a loveseat. It’s obviously a room meant for entertaining guests, and Remus feels out of place, like he’s too small to fill in the space.

“So?” James says as he jumps onto one of the couches, bouncing slightly in the seat. “Tell me everything, how is New York City?”

Remus settles down into one of the armchairs, sitting opposite James so they are facing each other. “You know most of it already,” Remus says. “We talk often enough.”

James waves the thought away. “Not enough! Tell me everything. How’s your neighbor, the hot one you mentioned?” James wriggles his eyebrows. “Any new developments happening there?”

“His name is Jared,” Remus says, rolling his eyes, “and you know everything that’s happened. And everything else is fine. New York is fine. It’s loud, all the time. But I like that, drowns out…” Remus trails off. The bad thoughts, he was going to say, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to talk to James about the bad thoughts as soon as he walked in the door. “What about you? What’s new in the Potter household?”

“Oh! Briar finally succeeded in convincing Dumbledore and the board to include non-binary dorms. Briar didn’t feel comfortable staying in the male dorms, so they’ve been fighting this for awhile. Obviously Lily and I have been helping, we’ve been talking over some of the logistics with Dumbledore. He’s going to need some people to go to Hogwarts and help spell new dormitories. Lils and I were going to go, it’s next weekend. You’re welcome to come too! I know your charmwork is particularly good.”

“Especially since Lily lent me her Charms notes for NEWTS,” Remus says in a teasing voice.

James laughs. “Your practical charmwork then.”

“Yeah, I suppose I could help out,” Remus says. It’s the least he can do, after disappearing off the face of the earth after the war. Dumbledore had given him so much, an education at Hogwarts, a chance to feel normal, and yes, Remus had done everything he asked during the war, but Remus still felt like he owed the man.

“Perfect!”

“What’s perfect?” Lily says as she enters, with a levitating tray of three cups of tea in front of her. She spells them to levitate to James, and then Remus, and then takes her own off the tray, before letting the tray lay down on a side table.

“Remus said he’ll come to Hogwarts to work on the dormitories with us.”

A complicated look comes over Lily’s face.

“What is it?” Remus asks warily.

“Did he tell you who else would be there?”

Remus freezes in place. “I suppose I can guess,” he says, feeling distant.

Lily sighs, holding her tea cup with both hands as she sits next to her husband on the couch. “Sirius will be there. Along with Regulus, Mary, Marlene, and Dorcas. A few other people from the order. Mad-eye, Benjy, Caradoc, Emmeline. The Weasley’s.”

Sirius will be there. Well, according to James, Sirius will be at the house too, so Remus will have to deal with him one way or another. “It’s fine,” he says. Not even believing himself, he clears his throat and repeats, “It’s fine.”

“If you’re sure,” Lily says, biting her lip.

James and Lily don’t really talk about Sirius with Remus. They did, at first, but when their suggestions of meeting up with him were met with hostility and anger, they stopped. Stopped mentioning him at all in their letters, stopped trying to convince Remus to reach out to Sirius.

Remus had no idea what Sirius was like now, what he did for a living, how he had changed since they were young. And it kills a part of him, that this person who used to be the closest to him in the world was now a stranger.

“I’m sure,” he lies.

Later, James shows Remus to his room. It's the same room he would stay in when he came over for a week during winter break, and a month during summer break. Remus considered it his room, and for all intents and purposes, it was. He isn't expecting to see all of his old stuff here though, things he had left behind when he decided to live in the Muggle world. A bookcase of all his old school books, along with some he got for personal reading. Records of some wizarding bands. His old record player that Remus didn't want to put under magic to transport it, so he left this one and got a new one.

It's not that he was expecting Lily and James to just toss his things. But it'd been 16 years. It was logical to assume they would have needed the room at some point, with three kids and a large friend group. They had a lot of free guest bedrooms in the manor, an entire east wing of them, along with the ones in the west wing, but it wasn't endless.

But somehow, they didn't need to get rid of his things.

Remus sets a record of The Mad Mandrakes to spin on the record player. A lazy tune fills the air. He then undoes the charms on his luggage and begins to unpack, placing his clothes in the bureau and the closet, and a few other trinkets on top of his bureau and his bedside table.

He's going to be staying here for a month, so he might as well get comfortable.

He's about to make a trip to the bathroom down the hall to place his toiletries in there when a voice calls from outside the room, “Knock knock.”

“Come in,” Remus calls back.

Lily walks through the door, she takes a look at his minimal decorations and whistles. “I like what you've done with the place,” she says.

Remus looks at the poster of David Bowie on the wall. “Most of it was here already,” he admits.

“I know. I would come up here sometimes when I was missing you. Play a record. You have shitty taste in music by the way.”

Remus rolls his eyes. “Of course you think so, you like Celestina Warbeck.”

“Her songwriting is incredible!” Lily defends.

Remus smiles. He missed this. How easy it is to fall into conversations with his favorite people.

Lily notices his smile. She sits down on the bed. “So, how is it? Being back?”

“I don't think it's quite hit me yet,” Remus admits. “It feels a bit surreal to be back in Potter manor, if I'm honest. But it's just you and James anyway, and you're the only two I've kept in contact with.”

“About that,” Lily says, suddenly tight lipped.

Remus immediately grows weary. “About what?”

“I held them off for as long as I could,” Lily says quickly. “But they wouldn't let me push them off any longer than tomorrow. So the girls are coming over tomorrow. Just Mary, Marlene, and Dorcas.”

Remus can feel his head spinning. 16 years since he's seen or talked to his friends. How was he supposed to interact with them tomorrow? “Just the girls?” he asks.

Lily nods, then hesitates. “You should know, Sirius comes through pretty regularly, and he doesn't always give warning when he does. We asked that he lets us know in advance while you're here, to respect your boundaries, but you know how he is. Impulsive at the best of times. So I can’t say for sure when the next time he’s coming over is.”

Yes, Remus knows how Sirius is. Knows everything there is to know about the other man.

Well, says a little voice in his head. Maybe not anymore.

Remus isn’t sure if that’s supposed to make it hurt less or more. He ignores it for the time being.

“Okay,” he says, though there’s a tightening in his chest. “Yeah, I’ll meet up with the girls tomorrow.”

“Good,” Lily says, relaxing her shoulders. “Though they really weren’t going to give you the option of not showing up. Marlene was ready to march in here today, but Dorcas held her back.”

Remus smiles fondly. “It’ll be nice to see them,” he says, and this time it doesn’t sound like a lie.

James cooks dinner - so they don’t have a house elf? - and they talk and laugh as they eat. The rest of the night is spent trading stories, some from back in their Hogwarts days, and some in the time since they’ve seen each other.

That night, Remus lays down in ‘his’ bed and stares at the ceiling.

He wonders how he got here. It feels like years have passed by but nothing really changed. He’s just the same person he was 16 years ago.

Or maybe not. How had the years changed him? Physically, he knows he looks more rundown. Hazards of being a werewolf. His hair is already turning grey, lines on his face, and bags under his eyes that won’t go away. He has more scars on his body, though that stopped happening once he started taking Wolfsbane.

Beyond physical, how else had he changed? Remus couldn’t say. Perhaps he was more patient nowadays, not letting his anger catch hold of him like it used to.

But likewise, many things had stayed the same. He still loved a good prank, though he didn’t pull many himself anymore, not having anyone to do a prank on. But his sense of humor was intact, still just as deadpan as when he was younger.

Maybe Remus didn’t know who he was, anyway.

For now, he closes his eyes and falls asleep.

Chapter Text

Oh, I hope somehow, I'll wake up young again

The sun is high in the sky, and a cool breeze passes by as four boys lay outside by the Great Lake. Laughter fills the air as all four boys throw their heads back. Sirius is lying with his head in Remus’s lap and his feet in James’s lap, while Peter sits off to the side.

“And you didn’t realize they were the same person until when?” James asks, laughing.

“Until Leah in transfiguration - though at that point I still thought her name was Maria for some reason - held my hand in class.”

The boys all laugh again.

“How do you not recognize your own girlfriend?” Sirius asks through laughter.

“I guess I never looked at her face when we were in Transfiguration? I dunno,” Peter says with a shrug.

“Does she know?” Remus asks

“Know what?”

“That you didn’t recognize her in your Transfiguration class.”

“God no, could you imagine? She’d murder me.”

The conversation ebbs and flows, casually, naturally between the four boys. Remus zones out of the conversation and focuses his attention on the lovely boy laying his head in Remus’s lap. Alabaster skin and bright grey eyes, long dark hair and pretty pink lips.

Remus couldn’t believe that Sirius belonged to him. That he belonged to Sirius. It was indescribable, the level of feelings that Remus had for Sirius. His heart soared as he looked at him. He didn’t need anything else, Sirius was everything to him.

He swipes a strand of black hair from Sirius’s face and tucks it behind his ear. Sirius turns away from the conversation to smile up at Remus

Remus smiles back, a genuine, fond smile. “You’re beautiful,” Sirius mouths to Remus.

“No, you,” Remus mouths back, making Sirius laugh slightly in silent laughter.

Remus could live in this moment forever, and be content. Sitting with his friends outside in the sunlight, so sure of his love for them, and their love for him.

Remus wanted to bask in the warmth of the sun forever, to bask in the warmth of his friends forever.

He sucks in a breath of fresh air.

And then Remus wakes up.

May 31st, 1998

“How did you sleep?” Lily asks as she passes a plate of eggs, bacon, and toast over to him. He takes it thankfully. It seemed he had come down just as they had finished cooking breakfast, so the three of them sat down at the table together.

“Fine,” he says. “What about the two of you?”

“I was sleeping next to the beautiful Mrs. Potter, so I slept great, thanks for asking.”

Lily swats slightly at James. “Well I slept awful, because someone kept snoring.”

James gasps in offense. “Slander! You take that back!”

They all laugh, and the conversation carries forward as they eat. Once they’ve finished their food, but are still sitting at the table talking, Remus asks, “So, when are the girls getting here?”

“They’re coming for lunch,” Lily tells him. “Around noon.”

Remus nods. It was only nine now, the three of them all being early risers. He still had a few hours before they came.

While he waits for the inevitable, he grabs a book off of one of the bookshelves in the Potter’s library. It’s a wizarding novel about a dragon wrangler and a healer who spend a lot of time together and eventually fall in love. It’s a bit predictable, but Remus really just needs something to take his mind off reality right now.

He reads in the living room, and Lily selects her own book to read with him, while James announces he’s going outside to garden, unable to sit still.

“I can’t wait for you to meet Regulus,” Lily says, apropos of nothing. Remus takes a second to get back to reality, as he considers Lily’s statement. When Remus doesn’t say anything, Lily continues, “I know you met him already, but that was back during the war, you didn’t really get the chance to get to know him.”

Remus blinks, confused. He knew that James and Lily were friends with Regulus now, had seen enough references to him in James and Lily’s letters. But perhaps he hadn’t realized exactly how friendly. “You’re right, I don’t really know him,” he admits. All he really knows about Sirius’s brother is that he was quiet when they were younger, and a death eater during the war until he defected, and worked with the Order to destroy all of the remaining horcruxes. Remus, constantly away on his werewolf missions, did not often get the chance to spend time with the younger man. From what he knows, he isn’t sure why James and Lily are so friendly with him, but he trusts their judgement. There must be something more than what he saw the first time he really looked at Regulus. “I’m sure once we spend some time together, we’ll get along well,” he says, mostly for Lily’s benefit.

She beams.

The other thing about Regulus, is of course, that he is Sirius’s brother. Sirius, the love of Remus’s life who had thought Remus the traitor. Sirius, the man Remus had left when he left the Britain Wizarding World entirely.

Remus didn’t even know if Regulus knew Remus and Sirius used to be together. Their relationship was strained by the time Regulus showed up with the locket, and it hadn’t come up either of the times that Remus saw Regulus, as he only saw him twice at Order meetings. Would Sirius have told him? Or anyone else? What would he think of Remus if he knew? Would he blame Remus for leaving? Would he hate Remus for dirtying the Black family name by dating Sirius as a halfblood werewolf?

No, James and Lily wouldn’t be friends with him if he was still a blood purist. And Remus isn’t sure whether or not Regulus even knows he’s a werewolf at all.

Ah well. Worrying about Regulus was for another day. Today, he was meeting with the girls.

After trying and failing to continue reading after his conversation with Lily, noon eventually rolls around. James had switched from gardening to cooking, and the kitchen smelled fantastic. Earlier, when Remus had offered to help, James had all but pushed him out of the kitchen, citing his role as guest. Remus thought this was silly, since he was going to be staying here for a month, and would obviously help with cooking at some point, but allowed himself to be pushed away to read for a little while longer. Now, he asks again, and James hesitates before saying, “Would you set the table, please?”

Remus agrees and finds plates, utensils, and cups and sets the table with them while James finishes up the cooking. Just as Remus is finishing up, he hears the floo whoosh, and Lily’s hurried footsteps from the living room where she had been reading to the sitting room where the floo was.

There’s some excited squealing as the girls greeted each other, then a very loud, “Where is he!”

Remus clears his throat, and brushes some dust off of his shirt. The floo whooshes twice more before Lily presumably leads the girls into the dining room. As soon as they enter and see Remus, there’s a lot of screeching, mainly from Marlene and Mary.

“Oh my God it’s really you! I half thought they were pulling my leg!” Marlene says.

“Remus! You’re really here! Blimey, look at you, you’re all grown up now!” Mary says.

Dorcas smiles kindly at him. “Good to see you Remus.”

Remus smiles back at each of them. “It’s so nice to see all of you,” he says, and then Marlene launches herself at him. Remus ‘oomph’s as he struggles to catch her and maintain his balance. Mary quickly joins in as well, and then Dorcas joins the hug.

“We’ve missed you,” Mary says in a whisper.

Remus can feel his eyes prickle with tears, but he blinks them down. “I’ve missed you too,” he confesses into Marlene’s hair.

They all pull apart. Lily stands near the door to the dining room, her eyes glassy. “James is just about finished with dinner,” she says with a sniff.

“James is finished!” James says as he sweeps into the room carrying two dishes. Lily goes to help him bring the rest of the dishes out, and then they all sit down to eat.

“So, Remus tell us everything! How’s the big apple treating you?” Marlene says, from where she’s sitting next to Remus.

“What are the American guys like?” Mary says, leaning in from across the table.

“New York is good, there’s always a lot going on, so I’ve been staying busy.”

“And the guys,” Dorcas repeats Mary’s words, raising a manicured eyebrow, “What are the American guys like?”

Remus rolls his eyes. “Cocky,” he says. “Not all of them, of course, but every time I’m at a bar there’s someone trying to pick me up, and they’re relentless.”

“Maybe it’s just because you’re irresistible,” James offers.

Remus shoots him a look. “Funny,”

“No, he’s got a point,” Marlene says as she gestures a hand at Remus’s facial hair, “This rugged thing is really working well for you. If I wasn’t a lesbian.”

Remus laughs, “Thank you Marlene, if I wasn’t a gay man, I’m sure we could make it work.”

Marlene sighs wistfully, “If only.”

Dorcas taps her on the shoulder, “Should I be offended?” she says, though she sounds amused.

“Nah, you’re the only woman for me,” Marlene says, then makes kissy noises at Dorcas.

Dorcas rolls her eyes, then leans forward to give Marlene an actual kiss.

“Boo, we get it, you’re in love,” Mary says, tossing a roll at Marlene.

They all laugh, but Mary and Remus catch eyes and share a commiserating look that can only be seen between long term single people amongst couples in happy relationships.

“But seriously, Remus,” Dorcas says. “Have you found anyone?”

Remus’s mind drifts briefly to Jared. But he doesn’t think Dorcas is talking about a fuck buddy. “A couple people over the years,” Remus admits, “But no one worth sticking around.”

“Too bad,” Marlene says, “I was hoping to give someone the shovel talk.”

“Oh please, if anyone is giving anyone a shovel talk, it’s me,” James says with a scoff. “I was the one who had to give both Moony and Pads the shovel talk last time and–” James cuts off abruptly as Lily hits him lightly on the arm.

There’s silence for a moment, and Remus can hear an echoing in his head.

Prongs is right, he did give Remus the shovel talk last time. Remus still remembered.

“I love you, but if you do anything to hurt Sirius I will beat you up,” James had said seriously, Then, smiling, he said, “Don’t worry, I said the same thing to Sirius.”

After a few moments, Remus realizes they’re waiting for his reaction. How will he react to hearing his ex-boyfriend’s name? They must know why he left. He wonders if there was a newsletter or if Lily told them all at once. Well, he would show them he was fine now, that it didn’t bother him anymore.

Remus quirks a lip upward. “I remember,” he says. “Something about beating me up if I hurt Sirius’s feelings?”

The girls all laugh awkwardly.

“As if James was actually capable of beating someone up,” Lily says in a tease.

“Hey,” James says defensively. “I could totally beat someone up if I wanted to.”

Remus doesn’t bring up the war, and no one else does either, but he’s seen James curse people before, he wouldn’t be surprised if James had beat up someone.

But of course, this was years ago, not something on the top of everyone’s mind. The only reason it was on the top of Remus’s mind was because the last time he was in the country the war had only just ended.

“I’m sure you could sweetie,” Lily agrees mildly, placing a gentle hand over James’ hand. James just pouts in response.

Chapter Text

The Monday after the girls come to the Potter’s to see him, Remus makes a long overdue housecall.

In addition to staying in contact with James and Lily, Remus has been in contact with two other people.

When Remus left Britain 16 years ago, he honestly wasn’t thinking much about his parents. He loved his ma, sure, but his relationship with his da had always been… strained.

So when he arrived in New York and realized he hadn’t yet told his parents, he spent a week deliberating before finally deciding to sending a letter to explain. He didn’t go into specifics, just saying that after the war, he needed some space.

His ma - well, the letter said it was from both of them, but he recognizes his ma’s messy scrawl from a lifetime of notes - wrote back within a few days, expressing her sadness that he was now so far away, but also her understanding for his needs. She also indicated that Remus would always be welcome back to visit their house at any point, but Remus of course never took her up on it.

They did eventually wear him down, and he agreed to let them visit him in New York. They came to visit a handful of times over the years, not being financially stable enough to visit regularly. They send letters and call sporadically, keeping him up to date on their daily lives, and the going-ons of their town in Wales.

The last time they came to visit had been two years ago, for a week during the summer of 1986. Given the late notice in his decision to return to Britain, he hadn’t had the time to call to let them know he was coming.

Which led him to now. Apparating all the way to Wales, just outside the old cottage he grew up in. It was a weary gray stone building, two stories tall with moss crawling up the wall. The grass around the house was tall and wild, making the house almost look abandoned.

Remus pauses before walking up the cobblestone path to the front door. He takes a deep breath. Finally, he walks up the pathway and knocks at the wooden door.

“Coming!” calls out a gruff voice from inside.

Remus hears the footsteps approaching the door, considers apparating away at the last moment - but then the door is opening and there stands Lyall Lupin, looking older than Remus has ever seen him. “Hi Da,” he says.

Lyall holds the door half open, frozen in place for a moment. Then he turns slightly and calls back into the house. “Hope! You’ll want to come here.”

There’s a grumbling from inside the cottage that becomes clearer as Hope walks closer to the front door. “I was in the middle of my book Lyall, why are you making me get up, it better be goddamn worth it -”

Her grumbles are cut off instantly, ending in a gasp as she takes in Remus standing on the doorstep. Tears well in her eyes as she says, “Oh, my boy!” and rushes forward to pull him into her arms.

Remus leans into her arms, allowing himself to be held in the embrace of his mother for a few moments before they both pull away.

“Come in, come in,” Hope urges, ushering Remus inside the cottage. Lyall closes the door and follows in behind them.

They settle onto the couch in the living room while Lyall takes the armchair.

“Now, you wanna tell me what you’re doing showing up here on a random Monday with no warning?” Hope says. Remus opens his mouth to respond but Hope holds up a hand and continues, “You’re always welcome here, of course, you know that, but it’s been so long since you’ve been back in the country, you nearly gave me a heart attack just showing up here.” Hope frowns. In a hushed voice, “Is it money? I know you said the Potters are helping you out, but if you need anything, Lyall and I could figure something out.”

“No, no ma,” Remus says with a strained laugh. “I’m actually here visiting the Potters. It’s Harry’s Graduation from Hogwarts soon, and they invited me to the party they’re throwing.” He shrugs, “I guess it just reminded me how much time had passed, and it felt like it was time to come back.”

Hope smiles sadly, “Ah, so you’re not staying here then?”

Remus feels a twinge of guilt. “The Potters invited me to stay there until the wedding. They’ve done so much for me over the years, and I haven’t been there at all, so it feels like I owed it to them,” he explains.

“That’s kind of them,” Hope says, though there’s still a tinge of sadness to her voice. “Well, saves me the trouble of making up your room.”

Remus spends the rest of the morning and the entire afternoon at the Lupin cottage, catching up on his parents' lives, and filling them in on his own. His ma practically force feeds him lunch and dinner, while his da watches on stoically.

Eventually he pulls himself away, and heads back to the Potters. He quickly excuses himself to his bedroom, where he sits on the bed and cries.

June 4th

The Wednesday after Remus visits his parents, the Potter’s get an unexpected visitor.

The day starts similarly to the previous day. Remus, James, and Lily have breakfast together, but then Lily and James rush off, Lily to her charity work, and James to his job as Coach for Puddlemere United. He had played Quiddictch professionally for a few years, before retiring and becoming coach for the team.

Remus finds ways to make himself busy, arranging his room a little more, reading, snooping through all of the Potter’s cabinets. He even looks around to see if he can find a house elf anywhere, but he can’t seem to find one. Do James and Lily just somehow keep this huge mansion clean by themselves?

By the late afternoon, James and Lily come back from their jobs. Remus and Lily settle in the living room and read, while James decides to go outside and garden while it’s still light outside. Remus had finished the book about the Dragon wrangler, and had moved on to a mystery novel about a Gringotts break-in. He was deeply invested in the character’s moral dilemma throughout the plot when Lily asks, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Remus pauses, turns to Lily, though she hasn’t looked up from her book. “Talk about what?”

“Why you left.” she says.

Ah. Remus was wondering when this time would come. He had given half hearted explanations to James and Lily when he left, saying he just couldn’t be there anymore. But he’d never fully explained how hurt he’d been by the love of his life trusting their friend over him.

“Lily,” he says with a sigh.

“You don’t have to,” Lily says, “Obviously, you can stay here for a month, we can never talk about it, and then you can go home to New York and never come back here again. But I want you to feel safe enough here to come back and visit whenever you want. And that’s only going to happen if you process your feelings about why you left in the first place.”

Remus runs a hand through his hair with another sigh, still clutching his book in the other hand. “I know, you’re right. It’s just, it’s not easy. I haven’t had anyone to talk to about magic at all, let alone the war and everything that happened.”

“You haven’t been able to work through it,” Lily notes. “I was worried about that, when you left for the muggle world. James and I, and the others, have gone to see healers for therapy after the war. But that’s not something you could do in the muggle world, you can’t tell them about a war that doesn’t exist to them, unless you want to be put away.”

Remus finally sets his book down. He’s quiet for a moment as he considers. “I think I did work through it, and process it in my own way. It’s no longer an open wound, though it may have healed slightly misshapen.”

“Okay,” Lily says. “I’m glad, then. But seriously, if you ever want to talk about it, just know I’m here for you. So is Jamie, you know that.”

“I do, thank you,” Remus says fondly. He’s not sure how he got so lucky to make lifelong friends out of James Potter and Lily Evans Potter.

There’s silence for a moment, and Remus picks his book back up, figuring the conversation is over.

“About Sirius -” Lily starts, but that was the moment the floo went off with a ‘whoosh’.

They both turn towards the sound, not that they could see who it was through the walls. Remus turns back to Lily, “Were you expecting anyone?” he asks nervously. All he can think is that both James and Lily told him that Sirius was used to just stopping by whenever. Could it be Sirius, here to hang out with James and Lily? Did he even remember Remus was supposed to be here? Remus let out a shaky breath.

“No,” Lily says hesitantly, “But there are a few people who might just drop by.”

It hangs there in the room, the possibility. But then Lily stands up. “I’ll go greet whoever it is,” she says, and walks over to the sitting room.

Remus debates following her, but decides to use the extra few minutes to settle himself. He picks up the book again, and looks at the page, but he can’t intake any information. He stares at the printed words across the paper, wondering how they’re supposed to make sense to him.

“Remus is just in here, come say hi,” Lily is saying.

When they enter the room, Remus does think he’s looking at Sirius for a moment. Dark curly hair frames a sharp face, striking grey eyes dive deep into Remus’s soul. But the face is too sharp, the eyes almond shaped instead of downturned.

Remus lets out a mangled breath. “Regulus,” he greets.

“Lupin,” Regulus responds. “My apologies, I forgot you were already here, or I would have given notice of my visit.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Remus says. “And please, call me Remus.”

Regulus grimaces, like he’s smelling something distasteful. “Remus,” he says.

There’s silence for a moment, and Remus tries to desperately remember how to hold a conversation with his ex-boyfriend’s brother. The only time they’ve talked -which wasn’t for long - it was about the war. What was he supposed to say now, 16 years since the end of the war?

Fortunately, James bursts into the room at the moment, shirt off and sweating from his work outside, “Hey, I felt someone come in through the wards - “ he cuts himself off when he sees Regulus. “Regulus! Good to see you. I didn’t know you were stopping by today.” He wipes sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand.

Regulus swallows, his gaze drifting between James’s sweaty abs and his face. “Potter,” he says eventually.

James grins, “Seriously, how many times have I said to call me James, Reg? I know you can do it, you’ve called me James before.”

Regulus averts his eyes from James. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he murmurs.

James just laughs. Then he asks, “Did you eat? We ate already but we have some leftovers if you want anything.”

“I’m fine, thank you,” Regulus says primly.

“Oh I have an idea!” James says. “There’s four of us, why don’t we play some quidditch? Each team can have a chaser and a keeper.”

Remus can already feel his limbs aching at the thought. “James, I haven’t been on a broom since flying classes at Hogwarts,” he reminds him.

James turns to Remus, pleading, “It’ll be fine! We’ll stay low off the ground anyway, we live far enough away from muggles, but just to be on the safe side. You can be on my team! You can be the keeper, all you gotta do is hover and keep the quaffle from getting into the hoops.”

Remus huffs. “I know what the keeper does. I’m just not sure you’ll want me on your side.”

James waves off the thought. “It’ll be great. Lils? Reggie? What do you think, chasers and keepers game?”

Lily glances at Regulus. “It’s up to our guest,” she says.

Regulus looks to Lily, then back to James. “It could be fun,” he says hesitantly.

James whoops and heads towards the back door, Lily and Regulus trailing behind him. Remus presumes there’s nothing he can do to get out of it, not to mention he owes his friend so much, so he follows along too.

They step outside to a beautiful yard that looks expertly shaped. There’s a garden off to the side, across a creek that splits the yard. It has bushes and beautiful flowers, and there’s even a little pond in the garden. There are also three hoops on either side of the yard.

The rest of the yard is grass, cleanly cut. Across the yard from the garden is a broom shed. James leads their group there first, where there’s at least 8 brooms inside. Remus marvels at the absurdity of owning so many brooms.

Remus picks up an old Cleansweep for himself, not wanting to struggle for the best broom. James and Regulus tiff over the Firebolt, but James eventually steps aside and picks up a Nimbus instead.

Remus catches Lily as Regulus and James head out to the yard. “Are we really about to do this?” he asks.

Lily laughs, a tinkling sound. “Oh Remus, you don’t know how many times I’ve been roped into a game of Quidditch. Anytime they needed someone to round out the teams, honestly.”

Remus suddenly felt silly, like he was stuck in the past. Of course his friend that he hasn’t seen in years has had new life experiences, ones he was not a part of. It was Remus’s own fault in the end, he was the one who left.

“Well, I suppose I’ll be suffering alone then,” he says with a teasing grin.

“Oh don’t you worry, I’ll be suffering right along with you.”

“Hello!” James calls from outside the broom shed. “Are you done seducing my wife, Moony?”

“Not yet, give me five more minutes,” Remus calls back.

Lily hits him on his arm, and Remus flinches away, laughing.

They head outside, and kick off into the sky. Remus is shaky on his broom, but after a few minutes he’s able to hold steady enough.

Once Remus is ready, they start, James throwing the quaffle up in the air and then James and Regulus flying for it, while Remus and Lily settle in front of their respective hoops.

It carries on for a while, James and Regulus fighting over the quaffle and occasionally shooting for one of the hoops. Remus was able to stop one, but let three through, and the score was currently 20 points to James and Remus, and 30 points to Lily and Regulus.

“How do we know when the game is over if there’s no snitch?” Remus calls out suddenly.

“First to 100!” James tells him.

That sounds way too long to Remus, who has not been on a broom for much longer than 20 minutes before, but he doesn’t say anything.

The tides change and suddenly James and Remus are leading with 90 points to Regulus and Lily’s 80 points. Regulus has possession of the quaffle, and does a quick fake-out to get James off his back before darting towards the hoops.

Remus tenses on his broom, getting ready to dart in whichever direction Regulus throws the quaffle in. Regulus lines up the shot and throws the quaffle up to Remus’s right side. Remus quickly flies up to the right, and is able to snatch the quaffle out of the air.

“Ha!” James says, while Regulus curses.

Remus tosses the quaffle back to James, who takes it to the center of the field. Once Regulus is ready, he throws it up in the air and both James and Regulus dart for it. James is the quickest, grabbing it and holding it close to him as he blasts past Regulus and flies straight towards the hoops that Lily is defending. Lily tenses up, keeping a close eye on James.

He starts to set up his throw, pointing towards the left. Lily drifts to the left, and when James starts to throw she darts to the left hoop, but then James pulls back and throws to the right hoop. It sails through and falls to the ground.

“Woo!” James yells in exhilaration, doing a lap around the yard. He flies up to Remus. “We did it! I told you it’d be great!”

Remus, just glad this was over, nodded. “Yeah, great job, Prongs.”

James flies off to talk to Lily, and Remus flies down to the ground.

Regulus flies down and touches down gracefully next to him.

“I don’t know how you do it,” Remus says, shaking his head. “I was barely holding on up there.”

Regulus looks out into the woods at the edge of the Potter’s yard. “Sometimes flying feels more natural to me than walking.”

Remus shivers, though it’s not cold. “Ah,” he says. It’s silent for a moment. “Do you come over to the Potter’s often?” Remus asks, unable to help himself. Regulus narrows his eyes at Remus, and Remus puts his hands up placatingly. “I’m just curious.”

“Often enough,” Regulus says, looking away. “Have you seen my brother yet, since you’ve been back?”

Remus swallows. Does Regulus know about their shared history together, or not? “Not yet,” Remus says cautiously. “Why?”

Regulus shrugs. “Just curious,” he says.

Fair enough.

Chapter Text

June 5th, 1998

James informs him of a tradition between their friend group, a weekly dinner hosted at the Potter Manor with whoever could make it that week.

This week, James told him, everyone would be there. James and Lily, of course, along with Mary, Marlene, and Dorcas. And Regulus and Sirius.

Somehow, it feels like the world is ending. Like every carefully constructed sense of being that Remus created for himself is being torn down, and Remus is being torn apart with it.

Remus is going to have to see Sirius. See how he’s changed, see how he’s stayed the same.

It was fine. He could do this. People saw their exes all the time. Some people are even friends with their exes. Maybe Sirius and Remus could do that. Be friends.

All too soon, Friday rolls around. They keep themselves occupied, James and Lily going to work, and then coming home to spend time with Remus. They’ll read, garden, or play different games. But Remus finds himself watching the time slip away, anxious for the weekly dinner.

He helps in the kitchen. At first James tried to shoo him out, as he always does when Remus tries to help him in the kitchen, but Remus isn’t going to just sit somewhere and pretend he’s not thinking about seeing Sirius, so he says, “Please,” when James tells him to get out. James softens, and tilts his head to the side. “Fine,” he says. “Chop those onions.”

Remus chops the onions, even as they make his eyes sting. The distraction helps, and before he knows it, dinner is almost ready. Lily steps into the kitchen. “People are going to start getting here soon” she tells them, as if Remus could possibly have forgotten. There’s a tug deep inside his gut.

“Remus, could you start setting the food out on the table?” James asks.

Yes, a simple task, Remus could handle that. He starts to take the dishes that James plates and brings them out to the dining room. Lily helps him at first, but then they hear the floo whoosh. “I’ll go greet them!” Lily says, then hurries away towards the sitting room.

Remus continues to bring dishes out, even as his heart beats loudly in his chest.

There’s laughter from the hallway, before the girls burst into the dining room. “Remus!” Marlene says. “You’re still here!” Mary elbows her, and Marlene frowns. “What, I’m just saying, I wasn’t sure if he was really sticking around.”

Ouch. Remus pretends like his friend didn’t just annihilate his feelings. “I thought about ditching, but I missed my girls too much.” He walks around the table and greets Marlene with a kiss on the cheek, then Mary, then Dorcas.

Mary giggles, “Remus please, I’m too single to deal with a gay man flirting with me.”

“It’s not my fault you’re irresistible,” Remus says with a wink.

“Remus Lupin!” Mary says, still giggling.

Remus laughs and turns to go back to the kitchen for the rest of the dishes.

His laughter dies as he sees who else entered the room. The floo must have gone off again, though Remus hadn’t heard, too busy in conversation with the girls. But Regulus and Sirius had entered at some point.

Sirius was looking at him. Drinking him in, like he’d never seen him before.

Remus does the same. Takes in the longer hair, the laugh lines and crow’s feet, and scruff around his mouth. He’s sporting a short beard with a thin mustache.

Time stands still. The world zooms in to this one specific moment. It’s no longer a room full of friends, it’s Remus Lupin, and Sirius Black, alone together.

“Moony,” Sirius says, breathlessly, breaking the moment of silence.

Remus waits a beat. “Sirius,” he says, voice guarded and distant.

He watches a light in Sirius’s eyes die.

“Lupin,” Regulus says icily.

“Regulus,” Remus greets. “I’m going to get the rest of the dishes from the kitchen,” he says, an excuse to run away, and promptly walks out of the room.

His heart pounds in his chest as he walks down the hallway to the kitchen. He enters silently.

“There you are,” says James, from where he’s standing washing a pot in the sink. “Could you just take the Paneer Biryani out to the table? Then that’s it. I’m just getting ahead on the dishes.”

“He’s here,” Remus says quietly.

“What?”

“He’s here,” Remus repeats.

James pauses, turns the tap off. “Ah.” he says, looking at Remus. “And are you okay with that?”

Remus stares at the floor. “I can’t not be.”

James sighs. “You can. Look, say the word, and I’ll make an excuse for you. I’ll say I accidentally stabbed you with a knife and we have to go to St. Mungo’s.”

That shakes Remus out of his head. He lets out a burst of laughter. “What? No, don’t say that.”

“Okay, I’ll say that you got an urgent call from work and had to take the first portkey back to New York.”

“Stop, stop,” Remus says, because as much as he wants to take James up on the offer, he’s already here. He’s already seen the other man. There’s nothing in the way anymore. He takes a deep breath. “It’s fine, I’m fine. Let’s just do this.”

Lily enters the kitchen then. “Everything alright?” she asks anxiously.

“Yes!” Remus says, because it’s fine, he’s fine. “I’m just going to bring out the biryani,” he says, and swipes the dish off the counter. He sidesteps Lily and walks out of the room. His palms are so sweaty he sends out a prayer that he doesn’t drop the dish.

As he nears the dining room he hears hushed whispers, which break off as soon as he enters.

“Biryani!” Remus announces to fill the sudden silence. He sets it on the table and says, “That’s all of it, Lily and James should be here in a moment.”

After a very long silent moment, Lily and James enter the room. “Pads!” James beams. He jumps on the other man and pulls him into a full body hug.

“Prongs!” Sirius responds in kind, pulling James into a closer hug.

Lily walks up to Remus and murmurs to him. “Don’t be fooled, they saw each other last week. But they always do this, no matter how recently they saw each other.”

Remus feels a sharp spike of jealousy. To be truthful, he’d always been slightly jealous of the friendship that James and Sirius share. They understood each other in a way no one else could, and Remus always felt like he was on the outside of some joke when they were talking to each other. At one point, when they got together, Remus asked Sirius if he had ever had a crush on James.

Sirius had laughed. “It’s not like that,” he explained. “Prongs is like a part of my soul that got separated at birth. He’s a part of me, I’m a part of him. But it’s not romantic. It’s closer to family. He’s like a brother to me.” But then his eyes had gone hazy, and Remus knew he was thinking about his blood brother. Remus dropped the subject.

Now, he saw that nothing had changed. James and Sirius were still James and Sirius, and Remus was where he always was. On the outside. He didn’t even have Peter this time to keep him company. He shakes the thought off, not willing to think about their traitorous friend.

Once Sirius and James pull away, James greets the rest of the guests, and then he proclaims, “Everyone take your seats! The food is under warming charms, but it’s best fresh.”

Everyone settles down, and Remus is easily able to get a seat across and down the table from Sirius, as far as possible, though he does his best to act casual about it.

Once everyone is seated, James claps his hands together. "Now, before we start eating, just a few words."

"Here we go," Marlene mutters under her breath.

A few people snicker, but Sirius turns to Marlene with a frown. "Hey, I love Prong's speeches," he defends. He turns back to James, "Please continue, good sir."

"Thank you kindly, my dear friend."

Sirius snickers, "No, you're the deer friend," he says, with an emphasis on deer.

After a second, James laughs. "Oh yeah, I am the deer friend."

"Yes the animagus puns are really funny, but can we please move on to the actual speech so that we can eat?" Mary says.

Remus startles at hearing Mary so casually mention James's animagus form. The last time he was here, during the war, their friends hadn't known about James, Sirius, and Peter's animagus forms.

During the war, Remus had told the entire Order, and thus all of their friends, that he had lycanthropy. It hadn't been an easy decision, but they were fighting on the frontlines together, when Remus wasn't off on solo missions, so they deserved to know the person they were fighting with was a werewolf. It mostly went over okay, though he had noticed that some tentative friendships he had with some of the witches and wizards in the Order had dissolved after his announcement. But it didn't matter, because all of his friends were supportive.

"I already knew," Lily had confessed when he asked her if she was still comfortable being around him. "You were gone once a month around the full moon, it wasn't too hard to figure out once we started spending more time together. Plus," she had shifted uncomfortably as she said, "Severus had tried to warn me off of you. I had already suspected it, but that kind of confirmed it for me."

"Why didn't you say anything?" Remus had asked. He felt uneasy about Lily figuring it out - if she had noticed, how many other people had suspicions about him?

"It didn't seem like you wanted to talk about it, I wanted to wait until you were comfortable telling me." Lily says with a shrug. Then she smiles. "And you did."

But even though the others knew about Remus's lycanthropy, Sirius, Peter, and James had elected to stay silent about their animagus status, for a couple reasons. It was illegal to become an animagus without registering, for one. And it was also useful, a last resort to surprise the enemy if they needed it, during the war.

Remus thinks now that Peter had wanted the ability to spy in his animagus form, and the chance to escape if he ever got caught. But at the time, he had understood and accepted the other boys’ reasoning.

Now, James is starting his speech. "Right," he says, clapping his hands together once more. "Thank you all for coming. I know I say this everytime, but it means a lot that you're all able to take the time to come and visit on our Friday dinners. And today is extra special," James continues, with a smile thrown towards Remus. Remus can feel his stomach clench but he smiles back. "Because we've got one of our own back! Our very own Remus Lupin, an original Marauder!"

Remus wonders how he can say the name they gave themselves, Marauders, without thinking about the traitorous Marauder.

"Remus Lupin! Remus, do you want to say anything?"

Remus blinks, and he can hear his own heart pumping.

"Oh, don't put him on the spot like that, dear," Lily says. Remus notes, distantly, that Sirius smothers a laugh when Lily says 'dear'.

"It's okay," he hears himself say. James beams and gestures for Remus to go on.

Remus nods at James. He doesn't stand up, though he wonders if that's expected. “Hullo everyone,” he addresses the table. “It’s good to see all of you. I’ve really missed all of you.” His eyes unwittingly catch on Sirius, who is watching him attentively. Sirius’s eyes widen slightly once he recognizes that Remus is looking at him. Remus hesitates a second, looking away before continuing. “It’s been so long, too long, and I’m sorry for that.”

“I-” I can’t promise it won’t happen again, he thinks. Remus isn’t sure what will happen after this month ends, if he’ll come to visit more often, or never come again. He’s not sure which he would prefer. “But I’ll be here for a month, so feel free to come by anytime,” he turns to James and Lily, “as long as that’s okay with my hosts, of course.”

“Of course!” James jumps in, waving a hand. “You’re all welcome to come by whenever, especially while we’re hosting Moony.”

“Yeah, so come by whenever,” Remus says again.

“Thank you, Moony!” James says, when it’s clear Remus is done with his speech. “We’re all just so glad you’re here. Now! You may eat!”

They all start filling their plates with the aromatic food, passing it along until everyone has a chance to try a little bit of everything.

Remus murmurs in conversations with Marlene and Mary, who sit next to and across from him. He hears Sirius’s voice as he talks with Regulus, James, and Lily, and despite his best efforts cannot tune it out.

After dinner, they all drift into the living room. Remus manages to snag one of the armchairs, and the others settle down on the couches and loveseat.

“Should we play a game?” Marlene asks.

“Truth or dare!” Marlene shouts out.

“Ugh, we’re not in our twenties anymore Marls,” Lily says.

Marlene pouts. “Fine, something else then.”

“How about charades?” Dorcas offers. “We could make two teams.”

Everyone agrees and they each write down a few things to be acted out on slips of paper that they put into a bowl. The teams are made up by going around in a circle, starting with James, and everyone alternates whether they’re on team one or two.

Team one ends up being James, Regulus, Marlene, and Mary, and they name themselves the Gryffingirlies, much to James’ delight and Regulus’s chagrin.

Team two is Lily, Sirius, Dorcas, and Remus, who name themselves the Hogwarts Hotties, much to Sirius’s delight and Remus’s chagrin.

The Gryffingirlies begin, with James attempting to act out a sunset (he flaps his arms around a lot and no one understands, so they lose that round).

They run through a few rounds, Lily acts out going to the grocery store (the Hogwarts Hotties get a point for that one), Regulus reluctantly acts out getting caught in a tornado (he commits to it surprisingly well, James guesses it correctly in the first few moments).

Then it’s Sirius’s turn. He stands up, and Remus is forced to look at him properly, which is something he’s been avoiding. But they’re on the same team, and Remus can’t just not guess. So when Sirius mimes a lightning bolt across his face, Remus immediately says, “David Bowie.”

Sirius looks at him in surprise and nods, and Remus isn’t sure if it’s because he guessed it so fast, or because he addressed Sirius at all.

They keep going, and on Remus’s turn he has to act out Cinderella. He mimes have a large twirly dress, and then he acts out losing a shoe as he runs away.

“Cinderella!” Sirius calls out.

Remus swallows. “Yeah,” he says, and takes his seat.

On her next turn Lily picks out a slip, laughs at it, then turns and scolds “Marlene!”

Marlene laughs, “How do you know it was me?”

“We went to school together for 7 years, I recognize your handwriting. And I’m not acting out a blowjob.”

The room dissolves into giggles, though James is more guffawing, and Regulus seems to choke on his drink.

Lily chooses another slip instead, and the game continues. On Sirius’s next turn he lets out a laugh as he reads his slip, then immediately transforms into his animagus form and lets out a bark. Remus sucks in a breath as he looks at Padfoot for the first time in years. The shaggy dog has grown up with Sirius, growing into his puppy-like limbs and shaggy hair starting to turn gray.

“Oh! Dog!” James calls out excitedly, “I put that one in there!”

Everyone groans. “James, you’re not supposed to guess if you wrote it,” complains Regulus. “And besides, Sirius isn’t even on our team.”

James just says through laughs, “Yeah, but I was hoping Sirius would pick it.”

Abruptly, Remus stands up. “I’m gonna grab a new drink,” he blurts out, making everyone turn to look at him. He licks his lips. “Would anyone like anything?”

A few people call out drinks, and Remus nods and retreats to the kitchen, just hoping he’ll remember them all as his mind buzzes. He isn’t sure why seeing Sirius’s animagus form was so startling to him, but it threw him off balance.

Remus rushes through the hallway, and into the kitchen. Instead of heading straight towards the drinks cabinet, Remus rests his hands against the kitchen island, heaving out a sigh.

“Remus?”

Remus whirls around, and nearly gasps as he’s faced with striking gray eyes.

Sirius blinks at him. “Are you okay?”

Remus straightens. “Yeah, course! Did you want a drink too?”

Sirius shrugs. “Nah, but I figured you could use a hand carrying everything.”

Remus pauses a moment. “Sure!” He says, belated.

Sirius’s eyes search his for a moment before looking away. “Prongs, Dorcas and Marls wanted firewhiskey, right?” he asks. “I could get that, if you get the wine for you, Reg and Lils?”

Remus hadn’t said he was going to get wine. Had Sirius just noticed he was drinking it earlier, or did he remember that Remus prefers wine to firewhiskey? Remus shakes it off and agrees, and they each set about getting drinks for the group.

They work mostly in uncomfortable silence. At least it’s uncomfortable for Remus. He wants to know what Sirius is thinking, what he thinks of Remus. But Remus can’t read him anymore.

Remus isn’t sure he could ever read Sirius.

Even when they were together, all those years ago, Remus thought he understood Sirius. But then Sirius had thought Remus was the traitor. Maybe Sirius and Remus had never understood each other after all.

As they are finishing up gathering the drinks, Sirius quietly says, “It’s good to see you.”

Remus’s heart wrenches in his chest. He clears his throat and says in a light voice, “I’ve got the drinks, ready if you are.”

Sirius looks down. “Right. Ready.” He’s silent as they head back to the living room together.

June 6th, 1998

The next day is a Saturday, but Lily has to handle something with her charity work. Remus still doesn’t know exactly what it entails, he really should ask at some point. James goes out to visit his parents at their small cottage, leaving Remus alone. But he’s fine with that, especially after spending time around so many people the night before. They are (were?) all his friends, but it’s still exhausting to be around so many people for so long.

Around lunch time, Remus wanders into the kitchen to make himself a sandwich. As he’s putting the sandwich together, Remus hears the floo go off. Figuring one of the Potter’s came back, Remus doesn’t think much of it. They’ll come find him if they want to talk.

So it feels like a knife to the gut when a few moments later he hears a familiar voice say quietly, “Hi Moony.”

Remus whirls around, eyes widening as he takes in Sirius Black in the flesh. “You’re here,” he says.

He saw him just yesterday, but it’s different now, there’s no buffer of other people, it’s just the two of them, alone in the kitchen.

“Yeah,” Sirius says, searching Remus’s face. “You said yesterday at dinner that we could stop by whenever.”

I didn’t mean you, he doesn’t say, even if it’s the ugly truth. It was too much, seeing Sirius. It brought back all of the ugly memories Remus had fought to leave behind. But saying that would be cruel, and Remus didn’t want to be cruel. “Of course.”

Sirius shifts. “Where are Prongs and Lily?”

“Out,” Remus says. “Lily’s doing her charity stuff, and James is with his parents. Monty needed help with his potions.”

Sirius nods, looking down. He’s likely realizing now, the intimacy of being the only two people in the house. There’s silence for a moment, then another.

“Have you eaten?” Remus asks.

Sirius’s eyes shoot up. “Uh, no, not yet.” He swallows, and Remus watches his Adam’s Apple move.

“Let me make you a sandwich,” Remus says. He puts his sandwich to the side, then mechanically moves to make a sandwich for Sirius. He picks up the mayonnaise and a knife, and goes to slather it on a slice of bread.

“Oh, I don’t like mayo.” Sirius says.

Silence. Remus puts the mayonnaise down. “Mustard okay?” he asks, voice tight.

“Yeah.”

Remus finishes up the sandwich, then whirls around. He gestures to the stools at the kitchen island, and Sirius takes a seat. Remus sets his plate in front of him, then grabs his own plate and sits.

There’s silence, except for the sound of chewing as they work through their sandwiches.

“So,” Sirius says in between bites. “How is New York?”

Too loud. Too expensive. Too much. “It’s great!” he says in a bright tone. “There’s plenty to do, and it’s pretty easy to hop on the subway - sorry the tube, Americans call it the subway - and get anywhere you want to go.”

Sirius smiles, though it doesn’t reach his eyes. “That’s great, I’m glad you like it so much.” Younger Sirius would have challenged Remus on this - said that Remus hates doing things and seeing people, what could possibly entice him about a city that never sleeps? But this is not younger Sirius, so he stays quiet.

“Yeah,” Remus agrees. “What about you, what are you up to nowadays?” Who are you? Remus doesn’t ask. This stranger who replaced the man Remus used to know.

“Oh, this and that,” Sirius says, waving a hand. “I help Lily with the charity sometimes, and I also work at a garage. Fixing up cars and motorbikes, you know.”

Remus didn’t know. As much as James and Lily talked about their friends in their letters to Remus, they never mentioned Sirius. It was too precarious, too sensitive. It still is, but Remus doesn’t have an ocean between them to hide behind anymore.

“That suits you,” Remus says softly, more softly than he meant.

“I missed you,” Sirius blurts out in response.

There’s silence for a moment. “Sirius,” Remus says in a sigh.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius says quickly, raising a placating hand . “Can we just forget I said that?”

“Fine,” Remus says, clearing his throat. He desperately thinks of something to say, anything to fill the rapidly growing silence between them. In the past, conversation flowed easily between the two, but now Remus found he couldn’t think of anything to say. “Fancy a round of chess?”

Sirius searches Remus’s face before looking down. “Sure,” he says quietly.

They head over to the living room, and settle down at the chessboard. They play a round, then another. There’s not much talking, and what little talking happens is related to the game. Halfway through the third game, the floo wooshes.

Remus lets out a sigh of relief when he hears James call out, “Remus?”

“In here!” Remus calls back.

Sirius’s hand lingers in the air, from where he was about to take his turn. They both turn towards the door and wait until James enters the room. He’s smiling as he walks in, but his eyebrows raise as he realizes Sirius is sitting across from Remus.

“Oh!” James says. “Sorry I didn’t realize you were coming over. I was just at mom and dads.”

Sirius stands up abruptly. “Yeah, I just popped over! I’m headed out now though.” He nods at Remus, mutters a quick, “bye,” to James and slinks past him out of the sitting room door.

Remus sits in silence watching the empty doorway until he hears the floo woosh. James starts, “So-”

“Don’t,” Remus warns. He stands up and walks upstairs. He ends up hiding in his room until dinner time.

Chapter Text

June 7th, 1998

The next day is the day Remus, the Potters, and a bunch of others are going to Hogwarts to spell up new non-binary dormitories for each House. Remus was truly impressed that Briar, as only a third year student, had managed to convince Headmaster Dumbledore to fundamentally change the way the Hogwarts dormitories were set up.

Remus pushes it from his mind that Sirius will be there, along with countless others that he hasn’t seen in years. He is going to help out because it’s a good cause, and it’ll help the students of Hogwarts be more comfortable in their home away from home.

James, Lily and Remus apparate to Hogsmeade, and join a group of witches and wizards standing around the apparition area.

Remus quickly picks out the older faces of people he used to spend time with from the Order, Benjy Fenwick is standing talking to Gideon and Fabian Prewett, while their sister, Molly Weasley is chatting with her husband and her first two sons, along with Bill’s wife, who Remus knows through Lily and James letters is named Fleur. Marlene and Dorcas wave them over. “We’re just waiting for a few more people,” Marlene tells them.

“Remus Lupin, is that you? Well, what a treat!” Molly Weasley comes bustling over to join their group, her family following.

“Did someone say Remus Lupin?” Benjy says incredulously. “Here, in Great Britain?” He, along with the Prewett twins, come over as well.

Remus smiles politely. “Yes, hullo everyone! I’m just here for a month visiting for Harry’s graduation.”

“Oh, you’re here for a whole month? That’s brilliant!” Benjy says.

“And you’ll be at the Potter’s graduation party? We’ve been looking forward to that, sounds like it’ll be the party of the century!” Gideon says, elbowing Fabian.

“Yes, the Potter’s were kind enough to host me for the month before the party,” Remus says, with a smile at Lily and James.

“Oh can you believe it?” Molly says in a hushed whisper, “Harry and Ron graduating already? God, I remember the day I gave birth to him.”

“Gross, mum,” Charlie says, wrinkling his nose.

Lily laughs, “I’m right there with you Molly. I can’t believe the little baby I carried for nine months is already leaving Hogwarts.”

“Don’t tell Harry that,” James says. “He keeps insisting he’s an adult already.”

As they chat a few more people join, Emmeline Vance comes, then Mary comes, curiously at the same time as Caradoc Dearborn. Remus gives her a look, raising his eyebrow at her, and she glares at him before cracking a smile.

Each person that comes marvels at the fact that Remus is there, and Remus can’t wait for everyone to get there so they can all head over to the castle already. It’s frustrating to have the same conversation again and again.

There’s a loud crack of apparition, followed immediately by another. It’s behind Remus so he doesn’t see, but he notices Benjy look at the newcomers, raise his eyes, and then glance at Remus.

Remus’s heart sinks, and he knows who just came. Benjy slips next to Remus and murmurs in his ear, “Just a heads up, but your ex is here too.”

Sirius and Remus’s relationship hadn’t been a secret from the others, and in fact they had been quite open with the other Order members about it, since they couldn’t really keep their hands off each other. Remus almost blushes now as he thinks back on how handsy they had been with each other in public.

Remus forces himself to laugh lightly. “No worries, I’ve already seen him.”

Benjy raises an eyebrow, “So you guys are friends again?”

“Friendly,” Remus says, though even that feels like a lie. He notices James and Lily slip away from the group, likely to greet Sirius and Regulus. He deliberately doesn’t turn around, and instead focuses on his conversation with Benjy.

Benjy hums. “You know, it really is good to see you, Remus,” he says.

Remus smiles. Benjy and him had been friends during the war, at least whenever Remus wasn’t away on missions. Benjy got along well enough with James and Sirius (and the traitor) too, but he and Remus had really hit it off.

“Yeah, it’s good to see you too,” Remus says. He hesitates, “I’m sorry for leaving with no warning, I just couldn’t -”

But Benjy waves him off. “Hey, you did what you needed to do to take care of yourself, don’t apologize for that.”

Remus feels tension in his shoulders release. “Thanks,” he says. “I honestly can’t believe I’m back, it feels a bit surreal.”

“I’ll bet,” Benjy says. “How was New York anyway?”

Remus smiles, “Brilliant. It’s like London, but somehow the people are even more apathetic.”

Benjy laughs before asking, “How about the guys? Find any good prospects?”

Remus shrugs. “A few, but no one’s really stuck, you know?”

“Sure, sure,” Benjy says with a wide smile. “Well, I’m sure you’ll find someone who’s good for you.”

“How about you, anyone you’ve got your eye on?”

Benjy looks Remus up and down with a grin, “Oh, you know me, I’m always on the lookout.”

Remus almost shivers. He’s pretty sure he’s being hit on right now, and he doesn’t know how to feel about it. Benjy wasn’t bad looking, quite the opposite, with his shaggy brown hair and bright blue eyes.

So Remus grins back, “Let me know how that works out for you, yeah?”

Benjy grins, but before he responds, someone else interrupts. “If you’re done chatting,” Regulus says, suddenly coming around Remus’s side to address him, “Everyone’s here, so we’re headed to the castle now.”

Remus glances around and notices everyone else waiting in a group to head up to the castle. He can’t help but blush a bit.

Instinctively, his eyes seek out Sirius. It was a habit that Remus had thought he grew out of after not seeing Sirius for years. Every time Remus would enter a room, he would instinctively scan it to see if Sirius was there, and what he was doing. It started in fifth year, when Remus’s crush flared up, but it only intensified when they started dating in sixth year and beyond. Sirius would always turn, as if he could feel Remus’s gaze and grin at him.

Except this time, Sirius isn’t looking at him, but glaring at Benjy.

With a sigh, Remus joins the group, and they begin the long walk down to Hogwarts.

At the gate to Hogwarts, their group met up with Dumbledore, McGonagall, Flitwick, and a few other professor’s. Remus was surprised to see Snape there as well, before recalling James mentioning he taught potions at the school. James had been quite upset about it, apparently worried that he was treating Harry poorly because of his relation to James.

“What a delight to see all of your smiling faces!” Dumbledore greets, clapping his hands together. He smiles at Remus specifically, but doesn’t call attention to him, which Remus is grateful about.

Dumbledore gives them all a little speech about inclusivity and community, and how important the work that they’re doing is. Remus phases in and out of paying attention.

Then he begins to explain the logistics of adding a new dormitory. “The first spell you will need is expansum. At the same time you say the spell, you must make this wand movement.” He demonstrates the movement, drawing his hand in a circle and then making a tapping movement. “This will cause the walls to push back, without encroaching on the surrounding rooms.”

He has them all practice the spell and wand movement, and Remus feels a bit like he’s back in school.

“After that,” Dumbledore continues, “You will need the spell tribunalis creo to create stairs. Just a tap of the wand for that spell.”

He continues on, explaining the different multifaceted spells they would need to create the dormitories. “I have the furniture and decorations here,” Dumbledore says, patting his robes pocket, “Miniaturized, of course. Once the rooms are ready, I’ll come by and you can set up the furniture in the rooms. You’ll also need to adjust the colors for each house.”

They then split the group into four teams, so each team could tackle one house together. Because the universe hates him, Remus is put onto a team with Sirius, Regulus, and Benjy. They are instructed to handle the Ravenclaw dormitory under the instruction of Professor Flitwick.

Dumbledore leads them inside the castle. Due to the warm weather, they pass by a few students outside, who stare at them curiously.

They enter the castle and Remus can feel nostalgia racing through him. He can just imagine the younger version of the marauders running around the castle, James talking about their prank, Sirius laughing with him, and Peter -

Maybe it’s best to let the past stay in the past.

As their group is about to separate, a group of people come running towards them. “Mum, dad!” calls out a young person that Remus recognizes from pictures to be Briar. They’re so much bigger than the old photo that James sent him, when they were barely a toddler.

Briar is a healthy looking kid, with a slightly plump face. They are wearing muggle clothes, just a simple pair of trousers and a mustard yellow jumper.

Faye and Harry are behind Briar, the three of them must have been waiting for the group to arrive. Faye has her mother’s long ginger hair, while Harry looks like a copy of his father.

“You’re here to make the gender neutral dorms, right? Can we help?” Briar asks eagerly.

James laughs and approaches Briar, running a hand through their hair. Briar makes a face and ducks away. “That’s alright kiddo,” James says. “We’ll take care of it. You go study, or go outside for some sunlight.”

James Potter encouraging their child to study? What has the world come to?

“Are you Uncle Moony?”

Remus blinks, and turns towards Harry. “Er,” he says, before glancing at James. James just nods encouragingly. “Yeah, that’s me.”

“Yeah, you know how we mentioned in our last letter that your Uncle Moony was coming into town for your graduation party at the end of the month? Well he came a bit earlier to help us get everything set up.” Lily says.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you,” Harry says politely.

“Yes, nice to meet you,” Faye echos.

It was well intentioned, but the words are like a dagger to Remus’s heart. Here was Harry, young Harry that Remus had held as an infant. At the time, Remus had felt almost parental over the boy, as they all took turns taking care of him, as James and Lily were often busy with war meetings and missions. Back before things got too bad, before the Potter’s went into hiding. Even Faye, Remus felt like he knew her from everything that James and Lily had told him about her.

He forces a smile on his face. “Yes, nice to see you as well. And good luck on your NEWTS, Harry, they start next week, don’t they?”

Harry looks glum at the reminder as he responds. “Yeah, thanks. I should probably get back to studying actually, or Mione will hunt me down.”

The kids all run off again, and the adults separate into their teams. Remus, Benjy, Sirius and Regulus follow Flitwick to the Ravenclaw dormitory. They pass by a few more students on the way, though there are no more interruptions. The group is silent as they walk up a spiral staircase, then down a hall until they’re in front of a door with a bronze eagle knocker.

“What can you break without touching it?” The eagle asks in a monotone voice.

There’s a moment of silence as everyone thinks.

Remus thinks of his bones breaking on their own every full moon, and wonders idly if that would be an acceptable answer. He abstains from raising the thought aloud.

“A promise,” Flitwick says after another moment.

Regulus makes a quiet noise of disappointment, probably silent to everyone but Remus, whose hearing is heightened by the coming full moon. Regulus had probably been hoping to think of the answer himself.

Without another word from the eagle, the door swings open, and the group of five enter the Ravenclaw common room. The room is large and airy, with a high ceiling. Bookshelves line the walls, accompanied by a rolling ladder that reaches to the higher shelves. There are two staircases, one on the left that, if it’s the same as the Gryffindor dorms, leads to the boys dorm, and the one on the right leads to the girls dorm.

A couple students mill about, some at tables studying, mostly the older years, who have to worry about OWLS and NEWTS. There’s a group of younger children playing gobstones on the floor as well. Some students look up with interest at the group, but they’re mostly ignored by the room.

“Okay!” Flitwick says, turning to talk to the rest of the group. “We’re putting the new dormitory to the left of the boys dorm.” He points towards the space next to the boys dorm, though the wall is covered by bookshelves, filled with books.

“What are we gonna do with all the books?” Sirius asks.

“Excellent question Mr. Black!” Flitwick says, clapping his hands together. “We’re going to levitate them down and miniaturize them into this box.” He waves his wand and wordlessly summons a box. “I’ve already talked to Madame Prince and she’s agreed to take these books and add them to the library. She’ll have to expand her space, but the professor’s will be able to handle that.”

With that, they begin to fly down each book with a spoken, "Wingardium Leviosa” and a swish and flick of their wands. Then they used the reducio charm to make the books smaller so they would all fit in the box.

It takes maybe 30 minutes for them to completely strip the portion of the wall of its books. During those 30 minutes, Sirius slips closer to Remus.

“So,” Sirius says, “Full is the day after tomorrow.”

Remus tenses, and looks around. There’s no one close enough to hear them. “Yes, I’m aware,” he says tersely.

“Moony must have been lonely, all those years, without his pack.”

Remus’s eye twitches. “Moony,” he says tersely, because he’s never liked when they would call his wolf by his nickname. “Has been fine. I’ve been using the Wolfsbane potion, so I retain my mind.”

Sirius blinks then nods. A part of Remus wonders at the fact that Sirius didn’t know this thing about Remus, that such a large part of his life had been hidden from Sirius. He figured James would have mentioned something to Sirius once or twice, but apparently not.

There’s silence for a moment. Then, “Still, do you think Moony would want company this month?”

Remus looks quickly up at Sirius, frowning. “What do you mean? You want Padfoot to come and just - hang out?”

“And Prongs!” Sirius says quickly. “If he wants to.” Sirius tilts his head. “Just think about it?”

Remus does think about it. He shivers silently. Sirius and James being present while he was turned sounded so - intimate. It was a privilege that no one else had received within the last 16 years. He hesitates. If he refused, Sirius would see it as a sign that Remus was still upset with him. Remus didn’t really know what he felt, but he knew he didn’t want to appear like he was still wounded in front of Sirius.

“You would have to be in dog form,” Remus says, making sure it’s clear. “I don’t want to risk the wolf scratching or biting you, even by accident.”

“Sure, but I don’t foresee you attempting to bite me while under the Wolfsbane potion,” Sirius says with a slightly teasing grin.

Remus freezes, even as he feels a familiar heat settle in belly. Arousal stirring up inside him. Remus and Sirius had a very… active sex life when they were younger. Back then, just looking at Sirius was enough to turn Remus on. Everything Sirius did was sexy, every lithe movement he made, every inch shown of his skin.

Remus had believed that this would no longer be the case, as he was no longer a horny teenager. But one look at Sirius’s grin as he teased Remus about biting - Well. It made Remus want to bite him.

Remus shakes away the thoughts. “Still, just to be sure,” he mutters, not entertaining the teasing.

“Yeah, that’s fair,” Sirius agrees. He runs a hand through his hair before summoning the next book down and making it smaller to fit in the box.

Remus nods, doesn’t say anything back. They finish the task in silence.

Once they finish with the books, they move on to expanding the wall back to create the area where the stairs and hallway will be. Once they finish that, Flitwick insists they take a break before expanding the walls more to become 7 different dorms for each year.

As soon as Flitwick dismisses them for a few minutes, Benjy turns to Remus. “So, do you wanna go to the pub tomorrow night, while you’re in town?”

Remus hesitates. It sounds like it would be fun - Benjy is someone that Remus would like to catch up with, but the full is in two days, so Remus doesn’t know if he’ll be up for a late night tomorrow.

“Tomorrow is the day before the full,” Sirius interjects. Remus hates that he was listening to their conversation, but they were so close it couldn’t be helped.

“Ah, shit, is it really?” Benjy asks, turning to Sirius.

Sirius nods and moves his short sleeve out of the way before pointing to his bicep. He has tattoos all over his arms, at least the parts that are visible. The tattoo he is pointing to shows an almost full moon. At Benjy’s blank look, Sirius explains, “It’s a magical tattoo, it shows the current moon cycle.”

Remus blinks, and feels a wave crash through his brain. Sirius got a tattoo of the moon cycle. It had to have been after they broke up, because Remus would have known if he got it while they were still together.

But sometime in the past 16 years - Remus had no clue how soon after the war it would have been - Sirius had gone out and gotten something that was obviously related to Remus. Why had he done it? Had he missed Remus? Wanted to keep track of the fulls to know when he was transforming? It made Remus’s head spin.

“Wow, that’s neat,” Benjy says, eyebrows raising. “I didn’t know there were magical tattoos like that.”

Sirius looked slightly abashed. It wasn’t an emotion that Remus was used to seeing on his face. In the past, he was always prideful, confident. Never embarrassed, even if he ought to have been. “Well,” Sirius says. “I developed it myself. A mix of muggle tattooing and some charmwork.”

“That’s actually really cool,” Benjy praises, eyebrows raising up.

Remus feels a hint of irritation towards Benjy. That’s Remus’s tattoo, Benjy shouldn’t be the one praising it. Remus pushes the oddly possessive thought down, and writes it off as being too close to the moon.

Besides, it’s not Remus’s tattoo, it was Sirius’s choice, and maybe it doesn’t even have anything to do with Remus.

Remus doesn’t know what to say. Complimenting the tattoo seems the polite thing to do, but then he'd be acknowledging that Sirius got something tattooed on him forever that reminds him of Remus. He stays silent.

Benjy turns back to Remus. “Alright, so maybe not tomorrow. How about Friday night?”

“We have a weekly friend’s dinner on Fridays. So,” Regulus says, in what Remus thinks is a slightly bitchy tone.

“How about Saturday?” Remus suggests with a smile. Mostly, he wants to end this conversation so he’s not making plans to see another guy in front of his ex-boyfriend and his ex-boyfriend’s brother.

Benjy smiles back. “Brill. Simmon's okay?”

Remus's mouth tightens but he maintains his smile. Simmons's was a muggle bar that did specialty cocktails. Some of the younger crowd from the Order would go out together occasionally, camaraderie in the midst of the war. Remus was never very impressed by it. When he went out he just wanted a simple beer, or a whiskey, not a trendy cocktail. “Yeah, Simmon's works,” he says, scratching his nose.

Sirius makes a scoff that only Remus can hear with his enhanced hearing. He ignores it, though he wants to glare at the other man. Sirius knows how little Remus liked Simmon’s, had often been the audience when Remus complained about their friends from the Order always choosing that place. He complained it was too trendy, and too loud for his enhanced hearing.

“Perfect. We can meet there at 8?”

“Sure!”

Eight. To meet there at 8 meant they’d be there until at least ten. That was so late, even for a Saturday night. Remus could feel a fatigue deep in his bones already. God he was old.

As their conversation dies down, Flitwick steps up next to him.

“It’s good to see you, Mr. Lupin. I was happy to hear you would be joining us today, after so long.”

“Thank you, Professor, it’s nice to be here. And please, call me Remus.”

“Then you must call me Filius. How has New York treated you?”

“Oh it’s been great!” Remus says with more enthusiasm then he feels. “The city always has something going on. How about you, how are you doing?”

“Oh, I can’t complain. Almost the summer, eh?” Flitwick says with a smile. His mustache trembles slightly when he says, “Though I’m a tad apprehensive about next year. Professor Gibbons is retiring this year, and we don’t have anyone else lined up for the Defense position. There doesn’t seem to be anyone interested.”

“Ah, that’s too bad,” Remus says awkwardly, not knowing what else to say. Flitwick looks at him, as if expecting more out of him. Remus runs a hand through his hair. “Hopefully Dumbledore will find someone soon.”

Flitwick turns away, nodding. “Yes, hopefully.”

They get back to work, expanding the walls to make seven dorm rooms for the different years. It takes even longer than the hallway, and by the end of it Remus is sweating with the magical exertion. He wipes the back of his hand across his forehead.

Flitwick goes off to find Dumbledore and comes back with the miniturized furniture. They set it up together, the beds, desks, and other decorations, resizing them and coloring them in Ravenclaw letters.

They quickly finish up, but before they leave, Remus makes a quick stop. He excuses himself from the group and walks down the familiar halls. He pops his head into the Hospital Wing. “Madame Pomfrey?” he calls before walking inside.

Madame Pomfrey walks out of her office and hurries over to Remus. Somehow she looks just the same as when Remus was attending Hogwarts, perhaps with more gray hair and lines across her face. “Yes, Yes? What is it?” she asks promptly, looking him up and down as if searching for an injury, before getting a good look at his face. She gasps, her hand flying up to her chest. “Remus Lupin, my boy,” she says in a soft voice. “Oh look at you, you’re all grown up.” Her eyes turn glassy with unshed tears.

Remus smiles, feeling overwhelming fondness for the woman who took care of him and healed his wounds every month for years. Then the guilt sets in. “I’m sorry,” he says, “I should have come to visit earlier.”

Madame Pomfrey waves him off. “Oh posh, you were out there living your life, that’s all I ever wanted for you.”

Remus swallows, looks down. “I don’t think I’ve ever expressed how much I appreciate everything you’ve done for me over the years. I wouldn’t have survived without you around to help me. Thank you, Madame Pomfrey.”

Madame Pomfrey smiles gently at him. “Oh I don’t need your thanks, my boy. That’s not why I did it. And please, you’re an adult now, call me Poppy.”

Remus smiles back. “Poppy, then. How are things with Minny?” he asks, raising an impertinent eyebrow.

Poppy blushes. “Oh, you know. Wonderful as always. How about you, have you found yourself a handsome man across the pond?”

“Nothing quite like that,” Remus says, rubbing a hand across the back of his neck.

“You know,” she says thoughtfully. “The Defense against the Dark Arts position is open.”

“Er, yeah, Flitwick mentioned.”

She nodded, looking at him expectantly.

He’s not sure what to say for a moment. “I’m sure they’ll find someone,” he says eventually.

“Oh, I expect they will,” she agrees, like the matter is settled.

They chat for another few minutes before Remus says he needs to go catch up with the others.

“Oh, you’ll be at the Potter’s graduation, party, won’t you?” she asks before he leaves.

“Of course. You’ll be there as well?”

“Minnie and me, yes. Well, I’ll see you then.”

“Have a good rest of the semester, Poppy.”

“Goodbye, Remus.”

When Remus gets back to the group, a few of them have decided to go out for a few drinks, for no reason other than everyone’s together anyway. Molly and Arthur beg off, but Charlie, Bill and the Prewett twins agree to come, along with Benjy, Caradoc and the entire Potter weekly dinner group.

They end up at the Three Broomsticks, taking up a majority of the space in the back of the cafe. James and Sirius went up to the bar to handle the first round. Remus settles into a seat between Benjy and Lily. Regulus - sitting beside Lily at the head of the table - pulls out a book and proceeds to ignore everyone in favor of reading his book.

Remus is slightly surprised to see Rosmerta was still a bartender here. She had been young, fresh out of Hogwarts when Remus was in his third year and he and his friends could go to Hogsmeade for the first time. Remus hadn’t gotten to know her too well, but Sirius and James had an ongoing competition of who could get the most free drinks out of her. Sirius had won at the end of their seventh year, but by that time the war had fully settled in and they were all committed to doing their part, so the win didn’t seem as important.

Remus watches as James and Sirius chat with Rosemerta at the front. James is smiling but Sirius is grinning widely, leaning in close to her, and while Rosemerta is rolling her eyes, she’s smiling back. Remus narrows his eyes. Was Sirius seriously flirting with her while they all waited for their drinks?

“Remus?”

Remus is startled from his thoughts, turning to Benjy. He raises an eyebrow at him. “Sorry, I was distracted. What is it?”

Benjy glances back at James and Sirius, then back to Remus, and Remus winces at being caught out. But Benjy just smiles at him. “I was just asking how long you’re in town.”

“Oh, just until Harry’s graduation party. Maybe a couple days after.”

“And you’re heading straight back to New York? Do you know when you’ll be coming back to Britain for a visit?”

Remus hesitates for a second, his hand tapping absently on the table.

“You’re welcome to come and stay with James and I at any point you’d like,” Lily interjects from her seat next to Remus, placing a hand on Remus’s, stilling it.

Remus smiles gratefully at her, though his heart is beating. This visit has already taken so much out of him, he couldn’t imagine planning another trip back here already. He only came because he felt guilty taking so much from the Potter’s without giving anything back.

“Well, whenever you come back, just let me know. It’ll be good to see you,” Benjy says, leaning in towards Remus.

A glass of wine slams down in front of Remus, so hard that some of the drink drips out of the glass and on the table.

“Drinks!” Sirius says, with a slightly feral grin. He and James hand out the rest of the drinks to everyone at the table before sitting down, Sirius in front of Remus, and James in front of Lily.

Remus shifts slightly in his seat, not sure how to be comfortable being in the same vicinity as Sirius.

Surprising, it goes relatively well at first.

James, Lily and Remus talk about the current politics of wizarding Britain, and Remus, who hasn’t been keeping up with it at all outside of James and Lily’s letter, only jumps in with his opinion every once in a while.

The talk is mild and entertaining, as they discuss the Wizengot member who got caught at the most recent Quidditch Cup canoodling with a Ministry intern.

Then they transition into a chat about the new wizarding singer, who just goes by the name Emrys.

“She’s incredible, especially live,” Sirius is saying. “She has such good stage presence.”

“What kind of music does she play?” Remus asks.

“Mostly pop but with a hint of rock, you know?”

“Sounds right up your alley,” Remus says without thinking.

Sirius blushes and rubs a hand against the back of his neck.

“Oh!” James interjects, smiling widely at Sirius “I was thinking, Sirius, you and Regulus were going to come over for party planning tomorrow anyway right? Why don’t you just come home with us and spend the night? Then we can get started planning tomorrow morning. That would be fun right? And we can hang out tonight when we get back.”

Throughout James rambles, Remus carefully maintains a blank face, though internally he wants to scream. Why would James do this without talking to Remus? Just because Remus and Sirius were able to have a casual conversation?

Sirius doesn’t jump on the offer, instead he glances towards Remus. Remus shrugs, not sure he’s capable of words. Sirius beams and turns back to James, happily saying, ”Sure! That sounds like fun.”

He shifts as he speaks, and his hand brushes against Remus’s, which is resting on the table. Remus isn’t sure if it was intentional or not, but he quickly brings his hand to his lap. As the conversation shifts, Remus's foot taps repeatedly against the ground. He listens passively to the conversation, though he doesn't internalize any of it. It suddenly feels like the lights are too bright, and the chattering sounds around them are too loud.

He stands up abruptly. The conversation cuts off as they look up at him questioningly. "Bathroom" he mutters, and steps away.

After he does his business, Remus washes his hands in the sink. Without meaning to, he glances up at his reflection. He winces. His face looks stricken, pale and nervous. There's a large scar that cuts diagonally through one of his eyes and continues down to his cheek, along with a few smaller scars. He also has wrinkles starting around his eyes, and laugh lines around his mouth. Remus raises his wet hands and washes his face quickly, but the scars and the wrinkles stay.

Remus sighs and grabs a paper towel from the stack, drying off his hands and face.

He lingers for another minute, before deciding he should get back out there.

He pushes open the wooden door and makes his way back to the table. As he approaches though, he realizes his spot had been taken by Caradoc, who is talking with Sirius and James, making large gesticulations. This switch leaves an empty spot near Mary.

Thank fuck.

Remus makes his way over to Mary and slides into the chair next to her.

"Why hello there, Rem," Mary says with a large smile.

"Hi Mary."

"I'm glad you came over, I haven't been able to talk to you all day. You were in a group with Benjy and Sirius, weren't you?" Mary says in a teasing tone. Her eyes are twinkling.

"And Regulus, don't forget Regulus," Remus adds, exhausted.

"Ah yes, your ex's brother, how could I forget."

Remus thinks she should sound just a little less amused. "What about you," he accuses. "Let me guess, you were in a group with Caradoc."

Mary's eyes widen and she shushes him. Remus doesn't know why she bothers, the only people close enough to hear are Marlene and Dorcas and they're too wrapped up in each other, literally, to spare Remus and Mary a glance.

“Lower your voice!” Mary hisses.

Remus stifles a laugh. “So this is a new thing, you and him then?”

Mary grimaces. “Not exactly.”

Remus frowns. “Then why all the secrecy?”

Mary shrugs, looking down at the table. She draws a finger along a knot in the wood. “I dunno. It’s not a real relationship, just… well. Just the benefits, if you know what I mean.”

“Hm, I’ve had a few of those,” Remus says in a hum, “But I still don’t get why that means you’d keep it secret? Surely you could at least talk about it with the girls?”

Glumly, Mary says in a low voice, glancing at Dorcas and Marlene, who are murmuring to each other, “It’s just tough, because they’re all in these picture perfect relationships, you know? Lily with James, and then Marlene and Dorcas. And then little single Mary, who can’t even commit to a relationship.”

“Do you want a relationship?”

Mary shrugs.

“It’s okay not to know. You don’t have to have it all figured out.”

Mary looks at him, eyes glassy. “Remus, I’m 38. If I want biological children, well, I’m probably already too late. How am I meant to find the guy I want to marry, marry him, and have kids within the next few years if I’m just sleeping around now?”

Remus’s heart pangs within his chest. “Oh, Mare,” he says, and puts an arm around her shoulder. He doesn’t say anything for a moment, doesn’t know what to say.

She sniffs. “God, look at me, getting all emotional at pub night,” she raises a hand to quickly wipe her eyes.

“Hey, you’re allowed to get emotional wherever you like,” Remus says. He feels out of his element, it’s been so long that he’s been close enough to someone for them to open themselves up to him. He doesn’t know what to say, and is terrified he’s going to say something wrong. “Especially about something so important.”

But Mary just smiles, and leans into him. “Thanks Rem. Honest, I’m so glad you’re back.”

Remus forces a smile. He doesn’t plan to be ‘back’ for longer than this month. After that, well, he’s just not sure. “You should talk to the girls,” Remus suggests gently. “Even if they’re all in relationships, I think they’d want to help.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right,” Mary sighs. Then she giggles. “Oh dear, I think I’ve made Sirius jealous,” she teases.

Remus’s heart, as always, twinges at the mention of his ex. He turns, and indeed, Sirius is frowning in their direction, specifically at the way Mary is cuddled into Remus’s side.

Remus can’t entertain the possible reasons for Sirius’s reactions. He turns away, and shakes his head. “Don’t joke about that,” he says, perhaps a bit too sharply.

Mary blinks, then pulls back just enough to look at Remus, a calculating look coming across her face. “How is everything going with that? Being around Sirius for the first time in years.”

Remus shrugs, though his heart is hammering in his chest. Sirius always made him feel the largest emotions. The lowest of lows, and the highest of highs. “It’s fine. Of course it’s fine, it’s been years.”

Mary raises an eyebrow. “Rem, let’s be honest for a moment. You two were obsessed with each other. Seeing him again, even if it’s been so long, must feel a bit weird.”

Remus wants to turn back to look at Sirius again. But looking at Sirius, it hurts. He’s been blinded by the brightest star in the night sky.

He’s silent for a couple of moments before sighing. “Honestly, Mary, it’s been so long, I hardly think about Sirius at all.” It’s not a complete lie. It’s been 16 years, Sirius is no longer the first thought on his mind when he wakes up. But he is often on Remus’s mind in the dead of night, when he can’t sleep because of the pain in his hip. His night mind races with thoughts of Sirius, wandering what-ifs, and cruel memories thrashing together.

Mary’s mouth twists into a frown and she opens her mouth to speak, but then she glances at something behind Remus and her eyes widen.

“Um,” says Sirius, and Remus twists around urgently to look at him. It was obvious from the look of vulnerable hurt on his face that he had heard Remus. Remus and Sirius lock eyes, and something unspoken passes between them. After a moment, Sirius looks away and continues, “James and Lily are about ready to leave, and so they sent me to fetch you.” He shifts his weight, still staring at a spot on the wall.

“Alright,” Remus says automatically. That’s right, Sirius was staying overnight. Under the same roof.

Remus pushed his feelings down. Fine, fine, it was all fine.

He turns to Mary, who smiles at him. She says, “We’ll have to continue this talk another time.”

“Yeah, of course,” he hesitates before pushing up from the table, “I’m here Mare, whenever you want to talk.”

Mary smiles sadly at him. “Right back at you, Rem.”

Remus follows Sirius back to James, Lily, and Regulus, who are now standing by the door, talking quietly to each other. They stop to say bye to some of the others.

“So,” Sirius says quietly after they say their goodbyes to Fabian and Gideon, “You-”

“Don’t.” Remus says harshly.

Sirius swallows his words.

Benjy waves as they pass by. “See you on Saturday, Remus!” he calls.

Remus forces himself to smile back, but he’s tired from socializing and using magic all day, his hip hurts, and he’s staying overnight in the same house as his ex who thought him a traitor during the war. So he doesn’t say anything back, and when he reaches Lily and James, doesn’t say anything to them either.

Silently, they all apparate back to the Potter Manor.

Chapter Text

June 8th, 1998

Sirius’s bedroom at the Potter Manor is next to Remus’s. When they were younger, they often took advantage of the closeness, commonly slipping into each other's room during the night. Yes, quite often it was for sex, they were horny teenagers. But they also spent the nights talking. They would chat about silly things, like the muggle bands they liked, what kind of tattoos Sirius would get when they were older, or venting about classwork. But they also talked about their greatest desires, and their biggest fears. Sirius opened up about his home life, and his fears that he had irrevocably ruined his relationship with his brother when he left that house. Remus would lament his future, trying to hold down a job while not being able to work for a couple days every month around the full moon. And then they would eventually fall asleep, wrapped up in each other’s arms.

Now, Remus desperately wished Sirius’s room was further away. He spent the night quiet in bed, wondering if any odd sound he heard was Sirius. A creaking noise could have been Sirius walking to the bathroom, a ruffling noise could be Sirius moving around in bed.

Suffice to say, Remus did not sleep well. It didn’t help that the full was near, and he could feel the coming ache of it deep in his bones.

He gets up with the sun, slowly makes his way down to the kitchen. As it’s still early, he’s expecting to have the place to himself for a bit, and is surprised when he sees Regulus sitting at the kitchen counter with a cup of coffee reading today’s edition of the Daily Prophet.

Regulus is wearing a set of blue checkered pajamas. Remus wonders if he stopped by his own flat after they got back, but more likely he had them for situations like this in his room at the Potter Manor. He doesn’t lower the paper when he addresses Remus, “Lupin.”

“Regulus,” Remus responds, as pleasantly as he is capable of with the full moon tomorrow. He sees that Regulus has brewed a full pot of coffee and gratefully grabs a mug for himself, sitting down on the stool next to Regulus. Regulus’s grip on the newspaper tightens, but otherwise doesn’t react.

Remus takes a sip of his coffee then hums slightly. He runs through possible conversation topics to bring up with the younger black. Does he know Remus is a werewolf? Does he know Sirius and Remus used to date? Does he know if the Potter’s have or have ever had a house elf?

“How did you sleep?” Remus asks.

Regulus’s eyes flicker up to Remus’s in what Remus perceives as a glare, but could just be the way Regulus looks at people in general. Or maybe just at Remus.

“Fine,” Regulus says, then looks back at the paper. After a second, he turns the page.

The silence grates at Remus. He’s normally good at reading people, but Regulus is like a closed book, and it grates at Remus.

“You know, I don’t think I’ve seen a house elf around here, but I know Effie and Monty used to have one. Miffy, I think. Do you know if they still have her?”

Regulus’s gaze slowly lifts to Remus, and Remus realizes with a start that this is a glare from Regulus. Regulus’s grey eyes narrow, and his mouth twists in anger. “What, because you want a slave around to make you breakfast and pick up after you? Can’t keep clean by yourself so you need to enslave an elf to do it for you?”

“Uh,” Remus says, feeling very wrongfooted.

Regulus lowers the paper and turns in his seat to glare at Remus more. “You think elves should be nothing but slaves to the whims of witches and wizards, do you?”

“No!” Remus protests, because it sounds bad when put like that. “But, don’t they want to serve?”

Regulus glowers. “Because they’ve been conditioned to think so! They are magical beings of immense power and it scared wizardkind, and rather than try to understand them, wizards enslaved them! Taught them to be scared of disobeying! Not even deigning to punish them, but instead forced them to punish themselves in an act of hideous cruelty. And you think, what, we should have one in the house to order around?”

Remus’s mouth opens and closes as he thinks of how to respond. He had not grown up with a house elf himself, but knowledge of them and their willingness to serve was so ingrained in the culture growing up. He frowns. “You’re right, I’m sorry. I suppose I never thought about it critically before, or looked at the history of how house elves started serving wizards.”

Regulus settles back into his seat, though he’s still scowling. “I’d have thought you of all people would have thought critically about magical creatures being treated poorly,” he says pointedly.

Remus fails to conceal a wince. Ah, so he does know that Remus is a werewolf. Excellent. “You’d think,” he echoes. Then with a sigh, “Is there any literature you’d recommend on the history of house elves, and the unfair treatment of them?”

Regulus considers Remus for a second before summoning a spare bit of parchment and a quill from somewhere. He bends on the counter and starts writing as he explains, “Ursula Twain’s Complete and Truthful Record of the History of House Elves is rather good for an overall history of how the enslavement happened. And then Rebecca Butler’s Unlearning Enslavement: Healing House Elves from Servant Conditioning is an excellent work on how to heal both house elves and wizards from the harmful thought processes that were taught into them about house elves deserving and liking to serve wizards.”

Regulus finishes writing and hands Remus the scrap of parchment. “Alright, thank you. I’ll look them up next time I go to the bookshop.”

Regulus nods. “Good. You can also talk to Lily about it, her work is part of the reason so many house elves have been freed and started to become a part of society as more than slaves.”

“What do you mean? What work?”

Regulus raises an eyebrow. “Her charity? Potter’s Protection of Magical Creatures? It fights the legislature for all kinds of magical creatures to have as many rights as witches and wizards. Still a work in progress, of course, but the charity has done amazing work.”

“All kinds of magical creatures?” Remus asks, his heart pounding.

Regulus rolls his eyebrows. “Yes, werewolves too, if that’s what you’re asking. Sirius works specifically in that department.”

Remus’s heart twinges. “What?” he asks, though his voice sounds faint.

“Yeah, he’s gotten a few pieces of legislation through. Made sure access to wolfsbane was accessible for everyone, at least in Britain. Abolished the registry even. Not to mention he’s the reason that Greyback is behind bars. He fought hard to ensure people understood Greyback should be arrested for attacking people and being a part of Voldemort’s army, and not just for being a werewolf.”

Remus is standing before he makes the conscious decision to do so, the stool scrapping loudly against the floor as he pushes it back.

Regulus blinks, frowning up at him, “Lupin?” he asks.

“I - I need to -” he stumbles through his words, walking backwards away from Regulus. He thinks for a moment of returning to his room but Sirius’s room is right next door, and Remus can not withstand even that much proximity right now. He thinks he hears Regulus call for him once more, but Remus ignores it as he walks away. He walks briskly to the back door and walks outside to the backyard.

Single-minded, he makes his way to the garden on the side of the yard. He walks across the small red bridge above the creek and onto the garden path that leads between tall bushes. Soon, he can no longer see the manor and he is completely surrounded by flowers and bushes. He can feel his heartbeat start to calm down. He finds the old bench in the middle of the garden, white paint flaking off, and takes a seat.

He used to come here when he needed a break from Sirius and James during holidays from Hogwarts. Effie showed it to him the first time he came to the manor, and kindly told him he was welcome to hide out here at any point if the house got too overwhelming. He took her up on that offer, and quite often. Remus was used to a quiet house, with just him and his parents. His ma would sit on the couch reading a novel, while his da would be in his office working on ministry related things.

Still, despite how overwhelming it was at times, the month he spent at Potter manor was always his favorite part of the summer. He spent all year with James, Sirius and Peter, but there was something special about having so much free time together.

Remus still thinks about it every year when the weather turns warm, those syrupy sweet summers spent lounging around the manor, causing mischief and clowning around.

He thinks of the cherry ice lollies that the Potters would get from the shop at the nearby muggle village. He thinks of nights spent outside under the stars in the warm air, Sirius pointing out the different constellations to him.

God, Sirius.

What was Remus meant to do now with the knowledge that Sirius was doing volunteer work to protect and fight for the rights of werewolves?

Why was Sirius doing it? Was it for Remus? Remus didn’t want to assume, but Sirius must have been thinking of his werewolf ex-boyfriend when protecting the rights of all the werewolves of Britain.

Did he feel guilty? Guilty, for assuming Remus, a werewolf, was the traitor. Maybe he was trying to make it up, not to Remus, but to himself.

Was it enough? Remus wonders if he would have forgiven Sirius if he had known earlier. If he had stayed in Britain, would he have slowly forgiven Sirius, and invited him back into his life?

But no, how could he forgive Sirius when the man had never apologized?

And wasn’t that the kicker. If Sirius apologized, Remus would have forgiven him. Remus knows it, deep inside his heart. It was the same with the Prank back in sixth year, where Sirius told Snape where to find Remus on a full moon.

Remus had been furious, terrified, and betrayed. But Sirius had just looked at him with those eyes - James always called them his puppy dog eyes - and said he was so sorry and Remus was helpless to do anything but forgive him.

But Sirius never apologized for thinking Remus was the traitor. Not once. Remus thought he would. Waited in their shared flat for days after Voldemort was killed and the war was won, while Sirius stayed with the Potter’s. Sirius never showed up. Never tried to explain. Remus grew bitter, and so when he decided to leave, he didn’t bother with telling Sirius.

But now, here Sirius was doing things like creating a magical tattoo that tracks the moon phases, abolishing the werewolf registry, and putting Greyback behind bars, where he belonged.

Greyback, who had ruined Remus’s life. Greyback, the vicious and unapologetic leader of the werewolf packs that fought for Voldemort. During the war, while Remus was doing reconnaissance for Dumbledore, he had to interact with Greyback. It was the hardest thing he’s ever done. Not because he couldn’t handle it, but because it took all his control not to snap the wolf’s neck for every scathing remark he made against wizards, witches, and muggleborns. Greyback saw himself above all of that, as an alpha of multiple packs. He looked down with disdain on wizardingkind, but also on muggles, and anyone he saw as lesser than.

It wasn’t just his words that stung though, no, Greyback had a pension for violence. He ruled his packs with an iron fist, and resolved issues by maiming or killing the instigating party. His packs were loyal to him more out of fear than anything else. And that’s not to mention all of the people he killed or turned on Voldemort’s order.

Greyback was evil, pure and simple.

And Sirius had been the one to put him behind bars.

Part of Remus felt guilty. Like it was his job, and he had pushed it off on someone else. He was the one who Greyback had turned, he should be responsible for upholding him to the law.

But Sirius had done it for him. Because of course it was for him, there’s no way Sirius put Greyback away without thinking of Remus, whose entire life had been ruined by Greyback’s attack when he was 4.

What was Remus meant to do now, how could he face Sirius knowing that after Remus left without saying goodbye, Sirius put his attacker behind bars?

“Remus?” calls out a soft voice.

Remus lets out a breath. “Yeah, I’m in here,” he calls back.

He waits in silence for Lily to appear from around the bushes. She takes a seat next to him on the bench, and they both sit in silence for another few minutes.

Eventually, Lily speaks. “James told me you used to come out here to be on your own. I get it, it’s very peaceful out here. Far away from everything else.”

Remus sighs. “What did Regulus tell you?”

Lily tilted her head to the side. “First, that he yelled at you about house elves. Sorry, I should have warned you, he’s sensitive about that topic.” When Remus doesn’t say anything, she continues. “And then that he told you about Sirius’s work at Potter’s Protection of Magical Creatures. And Greyback.”

“You could have told me about it. Over mail.”

Lily hummed. “The charity, or Greyback?”

“Both. Either.”

“It just didn’t seem like the thing to say over a letter.”

“Ah, so it’s my fault for not sticking around Britain.”

“Remus Lupin, you know that is not what I mean.”

Remus shakes his head, putting his head in his hands. “I don’t know what to do. How to feel. I don’t know how to act like I’m alright anymore.”

“Then stop acting,” Lily suggests gently. “Ever since you’ve got here, it’s like you’re putting up this performance of acting like you’re untouchable. It’s okay to be in pain.”

“But it’s been years, Lils. A decade and a half. Why am I still so affected by the war? I don’t get it, I don’t get how everyone can just carry on like it’s normal.”

Lily frowns. “Remus, the war impacted everyone. Yes, maybe some were impacted worse than others, but don’t think for one second that it hasn’t affected all of us.”

Remus looks up at Lily. “What do you mean?”

“Well, James can’t sleep with the light off. It’s not that he’s scared of the dark exactly, it’s just that if he wakes up in the middle of the night, sometimes he forgets where he is. He freaks out, thinks he was kidnapped by death eaters again. And then there’s Dorcas and Marlene. Dorcas rarely lets Marlene out of her sight now. If Marlene had been at her parents house the night they were attacked, she would have been killed like the rest of her family. The only thing that saved her was Dorcas begging her to stay the night at hers. Now, whenever Marlene goes somewhere without Dorcas, Dorcas gets antsy and anxious, worried something awful has happened.

“And don’t forget me,” Lily continues with a wry smile. “I was a mess when we found out the death eaters were after Harry. Now whenever he’s away at Hogwarts, I send him at least a letter a week. Just to check in, make sure he’s alright. I do it with Faye and Briar too, but it’s different with Harry. I’m always worried some death eater wannabe is going to try and finish what Voldemort started.

“If I’m completely honest, I’m relieved that he’s graduating from Hogwarts. It means I can see him more often, while he stays at the manor. Even when he gets his own place someday, I’m planning on needling him into weekly or monthly dinners with his poor mother and father.” She smiles sadly at Remus. “Do you get it? No one is okay, but that’s okay.”

Remus’s eyes well up suddenly and he lets out a choked sob. “I’m sorry,” he chokes out.

“Oh Remus,” Lily says, and pulls him into a sideways hug on the bench. It’s slightly awkward positioning, but Remus is grateful nonetheless.

Lily pats a hand on Remus’s back as Remus stutters out more apologies. “I’m sorry,” he says again and again, “I’m sorry.”

“Remus, there’s nothing to be sorry about.”

“I shouldn’t have left. I should have stayed. I’ve been a bad friend,” Remus says, tears rolling down his face.

“Remus,” Lily says firmly, pulling back from the hug to look him in the eye. “You left because you needed to. No one judges you for that. You need to take care of yourself, and if that means taking a step away to go to New York for a decade and a half, then that’s what you have to do.”

“I’ve been a bad friend,” Remus insists.

“Remus, you are my best friend. Nothing will change that, not even the entire Atlantic Ocean.”

Remus lets out a wet laugh. But then his smile fades. “I don’t know what to do about Sirius,” he admits in a whisper.

Lily sighs. “It’s alright not to know, Remus. It’s the first time you’ve seen him in years. But do you think maybe one day you could be friends again?”

Remus considers it. Friends. There had been a time he and Sirius had been friends, hadn’t there? From ages 11 to 15, before they started flirting and fooling around in fifth year, before becoming a couple in sixth year.

Could he go back to that? After everything that they’ve been through?

He never even apologized.

“I don’t know,” he says. “I can - I can try.”

Lily bites her lip. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let James invite Sirius and Regulus over to stay. That wasn’t fair to you.”

Remus shakes his head. “No, no, it’s fine. I know what Sirius and James are like, there’s no separating them.”

Lily sighs. “My husband, and my husband’s husband,” she says dryly.

Remus lets out a laugh. Honestly, back when he was dating Sirius, he often felt the same way. “Thank you, Lily,” he says. “Not just for this, just, thank you for staying in contact with me over the years, even when I wasn’t much worth it.”

“Remus Lupin, you were always worth it,” Lily says, elbowing him until he smiled.

“Still. Thank you.”

Lily smiles at him. She glances down the path back to the manor. “Do you reckon we should make our way back to the manor? So we can work on party planning?”

Remus nods. “Yeah, let’s go.” He stands up and offers her his arm. She giggles and takes it, and they walk back towards the manor together like that.

The others are all awake when Remus and Lily make their way back into the manor. Remus isn’t sure what Regulus said to the other two men, but James looks relieved to see Lily and Remus in generally good spirits. Sirius just looks at Remus with the same anxious look he has had on since Remus came back to visit. Remus feels a burst of irritation, he wishes Sirius would stop looking so anxious and just say whatever it was that’s on his mind.

But maybe that was hypocritical of him.

They gather together in the sitting room, James, Lily and Regulus sitting together on the couch, and Sirius and Remus on separate arm chairs.

James and Lily run through their plans, and what still needs to happen to make sure everything is set up.

It’s decided that next Sunday Regulus will accompany James and Lily when they go to the caterer to put in their order for the food at the party. It’s a fancy French place, and the restaurant workers only speak French, so they needed one of the black brothers to come.

“And then,” James is saying, “While we’re setting up the catering order, Sirius, you can go shopping in Diagon for decorations! We need balloons and other things. Oh, but you won’t be able to carry that all by yourself,” James says, dramatically raising his hands up. “But Lily, Regulus and I will all be working on the catering order. Oh what a conundrum.”

“James!” Lily hisses.

Sirius glances anxiously between James and Remus, but doesn’t say anything.

Remus can see where this is going. He doesn’t mention that Sirius could go with James at another time, or Sirius could simply use magic to miniaturize the decorations and carry them around. Instead he grits his teeth and offers. “I’m not doing anything that day. I could help Sirius with the decorations.” Friends. He could do it.

Remus can feel Sirius’s gaze on him, but he pointedly keeps his gaze on James. James grins. “Excellent!” he cries out. “It’s a plan then.”

Lily smiles tentatively at Remus, and Remus gives her a reassuring smile. It’s not her fault her husband is a nosy busybody.

They run through a few other items after that, deciding who’s going to do what to help out before and at the party.

“What day do the kids come back from Hogwarts again?” Remus asks.

“Saturday, the 20th, a week before the party,” Lily says. “We figured that would be enough time for them to settle back into home life before throwing a huge party.” The 20th, that was less than two weeks away.

Remus nods. He’ll have to get used to having the kids in the house for that week before the party, plus however long he stays after the party. He still hadn’t decided when he would return to New York, and the Potters hadn’t asked him yet.

“I can’t believe Harry is graduating already.” Regulus says fondly. “I remember the day he first got his Hogwarts letter. He was so excited, as if he wouldn’t have gotten in.”

Remus feels a sense of guilt wash over him. He had been there when Harry was born, but he had missed so many milestones for the boy, along with Faye and Briar. Harry wasn’t his responsibility necessarily, but during the war, they had truly shared custody of Harry, as they were all constantly busy, so they would pass him around to whoever had the time to watch him that day. Remus wasn’t his parent, but he surely acted parental to him. So to miss out on so much of his life and the life of his siblings was heartbreaking, and probably Remus’s largest regret in leaving.

James, Lily and Regulus reminisce about Harry, Faye and Briar when they were younger. Remus turns to Sirius, curious why he’s not partaking in the conversation, only to see Sirius staring at Remus. Sirius’s eyes widen at being caught, and he immediately looks away.

Remus keeps his gaze on Sirius though. He hasn’t really let himself look at Sirius yet, too eager to pretend he doesn’t exist. But now if he’s going to be friends with the other man, well, he can look, can’t he?

Sirius looks the same as always, bright grey eyes with a downturned shape. His dark hair is longer than Remus has ever seen it, but he always has it pulled in either a bun or a ponytail. And his lips are pink and bowshaped, though time has given him laugh lines around them. They’re also surrounded by a well manicured beard and a thin mustache.

Remus considers the beard. Sirius had always stayed cleanshaven when they were younger, though during the war he would sometimes sport some scruff, not having enough time or energy to maintain it. It looks much sleeker now, almost handsome. Alright, very handsome. It was very handsome and Remus was very attracted to him, but that didn’t matter. Friends, Remus could handle friends. He couldn’t handle anything more than that. Remus would just take that attraction he felt, and shove it inside a box and shove that box to the back of his mind and never think about it again. Simple.

Sirius peeks another look at Remus and seems startled to see Remus still looking at him. He hesitantly raises a hand in a small wave.

Remus looks away.

Friends. He could handle that. Later.

Regulus and Sirius ended up staying for dinner. After dinner the group of five retire to the living room. James suggests a game of exploding snap, and they all agree, though Remus is secretly hoping Regulus and Sirius will leave soon so he can go up to bed.

But they play a round, and then another round. And then James says, “So, Rem, full moon is tomorrow.”

Remus twitches. “I’m aware,” he says. He can feel it constantly, pulling at his skin.

James nods, “And Sirius mentioned that you said it would be okay if we joined?”

Remus still felt weird about the whole thing, but he had already told Sirius it would be okay, so he didn’t want to back out now.

“Yeah, ‘course the two of you can join,” he says, more confidently than he feels.

“Oh,” James says. “And what about Regulus? He’s an animagus too.”

That’s news to Remus. He wonders when that happened. He looks at Regulus curiously. “Yeah, you can come too if you want,” Remus offers.

Regulus looks at him and nods, and then looks away.

“Awesome! I was thinking we could transform outside in the backyard, and then maybe romp around the woods a bit?”

“Sure,” Remus says. “But if anything happens, if the potions don’t work for some reason, you can handle the wolf?

Remus hasn’t transformed around others in a long time. Typically he transforms by himself in his warded flat in New York, so no one can reach him, and he can’t reach anyone else. Even though he has the potion that allows him to keep his mind, it eases his thoughts to know that if anything were to go wrong with the potion, he still wouldn't be able to hurt anyone.

The idea of transforming around others, having the ability to hurt them - it’s nerve wracking.

James scoffs. “Of course! Sirius and I can handle Moony.”

That inevitably draws Remus’s gaze back to Sirius, who gives him a wary glance back, tapping his hand against his thigh. Remus’ eyes are caught by the gesture, watching Sirius continue to tap tap tap on his thigh, until suddenly he stops. Remus glances up to Sirius’s face to see him looking back at Remus, looking caught out. Remus’s gaze drops to Sirus’s hand on his thigh once more, before he looks away.

“And since you’re both just coming back over tomorrow for the full, Regulus, Sirius, why don’t you just stay another night?”

Remus stills. Unbidden, his gaze is drawn once again to Sirius, who is once more looking back at him. Remus’s mouth twists. He wants to shout, wants to scream. Is he meant to endure another night under the same roof as Sirius?

Friends, he reminds himself. Lily wants them to be friends, so they’ll be friends.

At Sirius’s slightly questioning gaze, Remus nods, very minutely.

Sirius’s eyes widen. “Yeah!” he says, slightly too loudly, then winces at himself. He coughs. “I mean, yeah, that makes sense.”

Regulus studies Sirius’s face, then shrugs. “Sure. It’s already late anyway. I’ll stay.”

“Excellent!” James cheers.

Remus rolls his eyes. James attempts to get Remus and Sirius to spend time together and reconnect are thinly veiled, and frankly insulting. He’s going to have to talk to James at some point, but preferably not while the point of the conversation is under the same roof.

Fine, fine. Remus could endure another night.

But in that case. “I think I’ll head to bed now,” Remus says, raising from the armchair.

“Oh,” James says, deflating. “Alright if you’re sure. Have a nice night Moony.”

“Goodnight Rem,” Lily calls out as he makes his way out of the room.

“Goodnight Lupin,” says Regulus.

Remus hesitates a step.

“Goodnight Remus,” Sirius says quietly.

With a deep breath, Remus walks out of the room, and up to bed.

Chapter Text

The night ends up just as restless as the previous night. Remus tosses and turns at the thought of Sirius in the room right next to his.

Throughout the night, Remus toys with the idea of walking over to Sirius’s room and slipping inside. What happens next varies in his mind. Maybe he’ll wake the other man up and demand answers to all of his questions. Maybe he’ll slip into the bed beside Sirius and they’ll sleep cuddled in each other's arms. Or maybe they won’t sleep.

Remus curses his libido, strengthened by the moon tomorrow. He places a hand on his crotch twice before ultimately deciding it was a bad idea to wank in the room right next to Sirius’s room. This decision however, just leaves him cranky and feeling unfulfilled.

So when Remus finally makes his way down to the kitchen for breakfast that morning, head pounding and joints aching, he’s in a foul mood.

He’s the last one awake. When he walks into the kitchen they’re all chatting and laughing together. The noise, paired with the bright light, is too much for Remus, and he immediately walks out, and heads to the living room instead.

Not long after, James follows him in with a plate of food. “Morning, Moony. How are you feeling?”

“Like my bones are going to completely rearrange in less than 12 hours,” Remus grouses.

James winces. “That bad, huh?”

Remus sighs, and takes the plate of food. “Thank you,” he says, fighting his own emotions to push his irritation down.

“Course, Moony.”

The rest of the day passes similarly, Remus feeling overwhelmed from his stronger wolf senses, and fighting against his own irritability while the others danced around him. Remus didn't trust himself around Sirius right now, for multiple reasons, and so he avoids him at all costs. He allows Lily and James to coddle him slightly, ensuring he gets plenty of food, fluids, and rest. Regulus seems to sense his poor mood and makes himself scarce.

Finally the sun is beginning to set, and soon the moon will rise. Remus is relieved, if only because the sooner it happens, the sooner it will be over.

James gathers them all up, everyone but Lily, who retires alone to her room after wishing them well for the night. Remus, Sirius, and Regulus follow James out of the house into the muggy night air as sunset falls.

Remus can feel his skin begin to stretch. “It’s starting,” he warns. “Transform!” The others waste no time and soon there is a large stag with tall prongs in place of James, and a large black dog instead of Sirius. Remus has already seen Padfoot, at Charades, but it’s still startling to see an older version of him, with gray around his muzzle.

Curiously, where Regulus was standing, there is now a small black cat. Huh. Remus supposes that makes sense.

Then, he is no longer able to make observations through the pain.

With a series of snaps he can feel his bones start to break and he cries out at the overwhelming pain. His insides rearrange, and Remus hunches over. Then his skin is sprouting fur and his head is rearranging- this is always the worst part to Remus, when his head is rearranged from human to wolf. His pained cries switch to low howls as his larynx is replaced with that of a wolf’s.

Distantly he hears a matching howl from nearby.

Padfoot, he recognizes instantly, though it's been over a decade since he heard the dog howl.

Pack.

Remus shakes his head. Even with the wolfsbane, his wolf instincts want to take over. It's just much easier to deny when he keeps his human brain.

Once he's completely transformed, and he's been able to catch his breath, he looks at his animal companions.

They're each staring at him reproachfully, as if waiting for a sign from him.

Letting his animal instincts take over a little bit, Remus makes a sudden movement, chest low to the ground and hips up in a playful position. He can feel his tail wagging.

Padfoot immediately mirrors his position, barking once, and tail going mad.

Prongs darts away for a second, as if scared, before taking a few steps forward and bowing his large antlers down.

The cat, Remus doesn't know if they've given Regulus's animagus form a name yet, doesn't react, and Remus thinks he looks almost disdainful.

Prongs turns his head towards the woods, then back to the other animals. He takes a few steps towards the woods before turning around to make sure everyone is following.

They do, the cat following immediately and Padfoot waiting for Moony to go before following behind him.

It's easier in this form, Remus realizes, to deal with his feelings for Sirius. There's nothing to talk about. Moony missed Padfoot, and it seems like Padfoot missed Moony. And maybe, for tonight, that's all that matters.

They end up staying out all night long. No one wants to stop, so they keep running around the woods, and playing together. After Moony had set the playful tone, Padfoot had kept it up, constantly pouncing on or around Moony, Prongs, and occasionally Regulus, though that nearly got him a scratch to the eye.

Moony plays back for the most part. At one point Padfoot pounces and Moony tackles him, pinning him to the floor in a show of dominance, before Remus remembers himself and lets him go. Padfoot is unaffected, he just starts panting with his tongue lolling out the side of his mouth. Prongs watches on carefully, while the cat walks away slowly as if this was all below him.

They make their way back to the Potters not long before Remus transforms back. It's never quite as painful transforming back as it is to transform initially, which Remus attributes to his animal brain handling the pain better.

Remus feels slightly self conscious laying there naked and in pain, until James comes over with a pair of joggers and a shirt he had stashed outside.

They all head directly up to bed, exhausted from spending all night awake and running around. Remus falls asleep faster than he has in days, and sleeps through most of the day.

By the time he makes his way downstairs in search of coffee and some food, it's nearly dinnertime, and Regulus and Sirius have already left.

Remus drains a cup of coffee, eats a bit of eggs that James prepares for him, and heads back up to bed.

Remus spends the next day resting and reading, and then suddenly it's Friday, and the entire dinner group is going to be coming that night.

Even Sirius, a deep part of his brain reminds him. Like Remus needed reminding.

Now that he's rested and not as irritated by the full, he's determined. He's going to become friends with Sirius again.

It's what Lily wants, he could tell, even if she tried telling him it was up to him. And it's obviously what James wants, as he keeps trying to push them together through thinly veiled stunts.

Well fine. Remus can do that.

So when the dinner crew comes over, Remus is genial and charming, and when Sirius asks for the Tikka Masala, Remus is the one who hands it to him. Sirius takes it with shaky hands.

After dinner, they all congregate in the living room for chatting and games. Remus sees a spot open next to Sirius and decides 'fuck it'. He sinks down into the spot, sucking a breath in through his teeth as his hip protests.

"Are you okay?" Sirius asks, turning to him, concerned.

"Just my hip," Remus tells him. "It's fine."

Sirius bites his lip, but nods and turns back to the conversation he was having with Mary.

Remus listens, and contributes occasionally.

He's distracted though.

There's no helping it.

Remus is always going to be aware of Sirius's presence. Always has been. So even as Remus debates with Lily on the best way to handle goblin relations for her charity - as the goblins have been even more resistant to wizarding help than the elves who didn't realize they needed help - he's aware of Sirius sitting right next to him, not touching, but close enough that if Remus shifted his legs just so...

Regulus said something, from the other side of the room, so Remus shifts to hear him better. And it just so happened that shifting caused him to bump his leg against Sirius's.

He leaves it there.

Sirius stiffens as soon as Remus's leg touches his, and stays stiff.

But it's normal, isn't it, for friends to casually touch. I mean, just look at Sirius and James.

Okay maybe not the best example, James and Sirius were often all over each other.

Still, Mary and Lily were often touching. And even James and Regulus.

Though again, maybe not the best example.

Still, Remus kept his thigh tucked against Sirius's, even as the conversation passed on.

Eventually, Sirius relaxes more into the touch, which shouldn't put a warm feeling in Remus's chest, but it does.

Remus allows himself to zone out of the conversation, his only tether to reality being Sirius's thigh on his.

Eventually, Remus is forced to move when he sees an opening to talk to Mary alone. They talk in hushed tones, continuing their conversation from the pub last weekend. Mary expresses more of her fears of being a single woman in her 30s, and Remus does his best to reassure her.

"I know right now you're just fooling around with Caradoc, and that's fine. But do you think you'd ever want more with him?"

Mary bites her lip. She lifts up a hand to play with her curled hair. "I don't know," she confesses. "Maybe. I think so. But what if he's not the one for me?"

"First of all," Remus says. "There is no 'one'. More than anything, love is a choice that you have to make everyday. But secondly, so what if he's not the one? You break up with him, and move on. Lesson learned."

Mary pouts, "But I've already wasted so much time just shagging around."

"You haven't wasted your time," Remus is quick to remind her. "You've been living your life. That's not a waste."

Mary nods, though she looks lost in thought. "Thanks Rem. I really do appreciate it."

"I'm happy to help. Though, maybe you should talk to the girls about this? They might have better insights than I do."

At that point, Lily wanders over and sits down next to Mary, "what are we talking about?" she asks

Remus glances at Mary who looks at him desperately before letting out a dramatic sigh. "Lily, I don't know what to do! I've been shagging Caradoc and I don't know if I want more than that or not!"

"You've been shagging Caradoc!" Marlene exclaims from across the room with a gasp. "And you haven't told us! Gossip alert."

They all laugh, and Mary looks at Remus both appreciation in her eyes.

Mary talks through her issues, and as Remus predicted, the girls had a little more insight than Remus on what it was like to be a woman in her 30s. Marlene and Dorcas share that they had been going back and forth on whether they wanted kids or not, and the method they would use. Lily says they're welcome to borrow her kids for a few days if they want a trial period, and everyone laughs. At the end, Mary looks lighter than Remus has seen since he came back.

Remus makes his way back to the couch, and sits beside Sirius again. He carefully doesn't touch him.

Sirius looks at him. "You convinced her to tell us all about Caradoc, didn't you? I knew something was going on with Mary, but I didn't know what, and I never wanted to pry."

Remus shrugs, "I didn't really do much," he admits. "Just encouraged her to talk to the girls about it."

Sirius shakes head fondly. "Look at you. Only been back for two weeks and you're already making waves."

Remus swallows, not sure what to do with that statement. He looks away.

"Remus," Sirius says quietly.

Remus turns back. "Yeah?"

Maintaining eye contact, Sirius says, "I'm glad you came back for the whole month.”

“Me too,” he says, and he's honestly not sure whether or not it's a lie.

—--

The next day is mostly quiet, until Remus reminds James and Lily that he's going out to the pub with Benjy that night.

Then James keeps crying out, “Oh, my boy! Dating already! Oh how the time flies!”

“It's not a date,” Remus hisses each time, while Lily just laughs.

“He's just so grown up!” James cries out, fake sobbing into Lily's shoulder.

Lily pats him on the back. “There, there,” she says.

Remus struggles to find something to wear. He wants to look nice, but not too nice, because “It’s not a date James!” and they're only going to a pub, even if it's an annoying trendy pub. He eventually settles on an earthy patterned jumper and a pair of brown trousers.

Remus apparates to Simmon's, or rather, an alleyway near Simmons's, so no muggles see him apparate.

He pushes open the glass door and is immediately overwhelmed with the music and chattering of people inside. His nose twitches as he takes in a fresh lemony scent mixed with the natural musk of people.

Distracted as he is, it takes him a couple moments to see Benjy sitting alone at a table waving him over.

Remus forces a smile and makes his way over.

"Hey!" Benjy greets as Remus sits down, then pushes a glass towards him. "I already grabbed the first round, it's this new drink they have, a smoky whiskey, that okay?"

"Yeah, thanks," Remus says, though he would have preferred a pint. He takes the drink and holds it in his hands, though he doesn't take a sip yet.

There's silence for a second and Remus wracks his brain for something to fill it.

After a moment, Benjy says, "It's good to see you. I can't believe it's been so long, about fifteen years, yeah?"

"Yeah, about."

"How do you like being back so far?"

"It's been good," Remus says. "It's nice to see everyone."

Benjy nods, “Yeah, no one could quite believe you left, at first. You and your group of friends were inseparable during school, and even during the war.”

Remus’s anger prickles, because no they weren’t close - not when his boyfriend accused him of being a traitor. But he pushes it down with a short laugh, “Yes, well, we were friends. That’s how friends are.”

But Benjy shakes his head. “Yeah, but it was more than that. The four of you were always together, laughing about something or other. You, James, Sirius, and uh, well. You know.”

“Peter,” Remus says, with a dry mouth. “Yeah, he was a great friend.”

“Fuck,” Benjy says. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have - let’s talk about something else.”

Remus grits his teeth and allows the change. Peter’s betrayal hurts just as much today as it did when they found out all those years. Perhaps it’s because Remus never talked to anyone about it. He never had anyone he could talk about it with. He probably hadn’t processed it, not really. Maybe that wasn’t healthy. Ah well. Remus’s health is shot anyway.

“What have you been up to then, since the war?” he asks.

Caradoc explains his career path through the ministry, starting as an assistant in the British and Irish Quidditch League Headquarters part of the Department of Magical Games and Sports at the Ministry. He managed to work his way into becoming the head of the league’s Quidditch rules department.

“Woah, mate, that’s impressive!” Remus says, though he has no idea what that entails, and it doesn’t sound particularly interesting to him. Benjy seems appreciative of the compliment, at least.

They move along in conversation, eventually going through a few more fancy, trendy drinks. They keep chatting, and other than a few moments of awkward silences, Remus generally enjoys his time with the other man.

Eventually, they go up to the bar to pay for their drinks. As they’re getting ready to leave, Benjy says, “So, maybe I can see you again sometime?” His cheeks are flushed with drink.

“Well, I’ll see you for sure at Harry’s graduation party.”

Benjy bites his lip. “Well, yeah, but I meant another date. Just us?”

Another. Oh dear. “Benjy,” Remus says slowly, “I’m not planning on staying in Britain, I’m heading back to New York once the party is over. This isn’t going to go anywhere.”

Benjy’s face falls. “I know that,” he insists. “But well, can’t we have fun while you’re here?” He leans over and places a hand on Remus’s arm. “Maybe, I mean you could even come over to my place tonight if you want.”

Remus forces himself not to flinch away from Benjy. “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Remus says. He suddenly regrets drinking so much, his head is sluggish and he can't think properly.

Benjy nods, taking his hand away from Remus’s arm. “Fine,” he says, and it’s more embarrassed than angry, which relieves Remus. “Just, tell me one thing.”

Remus doesn’t want to, he just wants to go home to James and Lily at the manor. But he sighs, nodding. “Sure. What is it?”

“Are you just saying no because of Sirius?”

Remus’s blood turns to ice. He had successfully gone the entire night without thinking of the man, just to have it thrown back in his face. “Excuse me?”

Benjy sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. “It’s just, you’ve always been obsessed with each other. If I’m honest, I was always jealous back then. Just, you would look at him like he’d hung the stars himself. I always wished you’d look at me like that. So are you saying no because you don’t want to, or because you’re still in love with Sirius?”

Still in love with Sirius

Is he still in love with Sirius?

Oh god, is he?

Remus isn’t sure what it’s like not to love Sirius, if he’s honest. He’s always been drawn to the other man, even when they were young, before they got together. Remus has always had a special place in his heart for Sirius Black.

Maybe it was dormant for a while, but did it ever leave? Remus isn’t sure.

Abruptly, Remus turns to leave. “I’ll see you at Harry’s party.” he says, ignoring Benjy’s call as he slips out the door. He walks quickly to the alleyway, and immediately apparates to the manor.

Since the apparition point is outside the manor, it takes Remus a couple minutes to actually get inside. He debates going straight upstairs to his room, but decides he should at least show face to the Potter’s, so they know he came back after his… date? Remus still wasn’t sure about that.

He searches for them first in the living room, but finds them in the sitting room instead.

Only, they’re not alone.

Regulus Black is with them.

Remus steps into the sitting room to see James, Regulus and Lily cuddling on the couch. There’s no other way to say it except cuddling. Regulus was in the middle, with James’s legs over his own, and Lily leaning on his side with her head on his shoulder.

Remus’s eyes widen, and Lily is the first to see him. “Oh!” she says, and quickly shifts herself away from the boys. Regulus and James similarly unattach from each other.

There’s silence in the room for a second as they all stare at each other.

“Remus!” James says eventually. “You’re back already. Regulus came to visit us while you were out, keep us company you know,” he laughs, but it’s tinged in anxiety.

“Right,” Remus says, still processing.

Regulus stands up quickly. “I was just leaving,” he tells the room, not making eye contact with anyone. He promptly takes a handful of floo powder and steps into the floo.

Remus stares at the green flames until Regulus disappears, and then continues watching them for another minute. Then he turns towards James and Lily, who are both gazing at him anxiously.

“Are you,” Remus starts, uncertainly. “Not that there’s anything wrong if you are! But, are you?”

“No!” James says quickly. He at least knows what Remus is getting at, and doesn’t deny it. “We’re all just friends. We’ve gotten close over the years, you know?”

“Yeah,” Lily says, clearing her throat. “Nothing like that. Besides, with Sirius...”

Remus swallows. “Okay,” he says gently. He won’t push, they both seem way too anxious to talk about this right now.

“How was your… hang out?” James asks.

Remus allows the subject change. Then he sighs, as he remembers his night. “It was fine,” he says, not able to mask with any fake enthusiasm.

“Just fine? What happened?” Lily asks, looking concerned.

Remus sighs again. “Nothing. It was just awkward. I mean, I haven't seen the guy in years.”

James gives him a sympathetic look. “It’s okay mate, it’s bound to be a little awkward. I’m sure it wasn’t too bad, I know you and Benjy always got along back during the war.”

Remus looked down. “He asked me if I’m still in love with Sirius,” Remus says in a quiet voice.

There’s silence for a moment, and Remus hears the unspoken, ‘are you?’

“Well, that wasn’t quite fair of him, was it,” Lily says. “It’s not any of his business.”

“Remus,” James says, reproachful.

Remus can feel his hackles rise in defensiveness at the tone before James can say anything else. “What,” he says, flat.

“Just, don’t lead Sirius on. Please. If there’s no chance, fine, tell him that. But don’t give him hope if you’re just going to take it away. He’s too fragile for that right now.”

Remus grits his teeth. James has always been more Sirius’s friend than Remus’s. Remus knows this. But it’s been easy to forget these past years, when James never said anything about Sirius at all.

But now here they were, and Remus was once again slotted into second place. James doesn’t do it on purpose, Remus knows that. James' heart is too large for that. But there’s always been something special between James and Sirius.

And it appeared there still was.

“James,” Lily says, quietly.

“It’s fine,” Remus says. “You’re right, James. I won’t. I’m tired, I think I’m going to go to bed now.”

“Wait, Remus,” James says.

But Remus doesn’t wait around to hear what else he has to say.

Remus wakes up the next day, nauseous and with a headache. He groans when he opens his eyes and sunlight comes streaming through his eyes.

There’s a knocking at his door, before someone twists the handle and walks in.

“Remus?” James says. “You awake?”

“Mm,” Remus says, not quite able to form sentences yet.

James comes over and sits on the bed by Remus’s feet. He’s silent for a moment before he says. “Regulus is here, we’re going to go set up the catering order soon. Sirius will be here soon, for the two of you to go shopping for the decorations for the party.”

Remus realizes, in a burst of wakefulness, that today is the day he’s going shopping with Sirius.

Oh god. Remus’s headache gets worse.

James shifts on the bed. “That’s still alright, right?”

Remus closes his eyes. “Yeah James. It’s fine.”

“Okay,” James says, and when Remus opens his eyes he’s biting his lip.

“I’m sorry” James says in a rush, “That wasn’t fair last night, I’ve just been really worried about Sirius, because he’s really anxious since you came back. I probably shouldn’t tell you that, but it’s true. But I didn’t even ask how you were feeling about it all. I’m sorry.”

Remus feels a rush of fondness for his friend, who he knew couldn’t stand being upset with and having his friend upset with him for more than one night. “I get it James,” Remus says, “It’s okay.”

“How do you feel about it all?”

Remus sighs. “I don’t know. I think right now I’m just trying to see if I can handle being friends with him.”

James nods slowly. “Okay. Friends, yeah. So you’re really okay to go out with him today?”

“Yeah, it’s probably for the best. So I can work on being friendly.”

James nods, biting his lip again.

“James,” Remus says.

“Yeah, Remus?” James says, eyes immediately lifting to him.

“Go on then,” Remus nods to the door. “I’ll be fine.”

“Okay,” James says, standing up. He starts towards the door, before turning back abruptly. “You know I love you, right Moony?”

Remus’s heart is filled with fondness for his friend. “Yes James, I know. Now get out of here so I can get dressed.”

James snorts. “Please Remus, we lived together for 7 years, I’ve seen everything there is to see.”

“Yeah, but you haven’t seen it all starting to wrinkle,” Remus replies, making James laugh.

Eventually James leaves and Remus gets ready for the day. Having no other direction for Sirius’s timing than “soon”, Remus takes a book into the sitting room and sits at the couch across from the floo.

He doesn’t spend much time reading, instead he stares anxiously at the page without taking any information in, and then his eyes flick up to the floo before staring back at his book, no green flames forthcoming.

It’s only on the fifth time he looks up that he sees the fateful green flames flicker to life in the floo. He quickly looks back down to his book, as if he’d been reading it all along.

He waits till the floo has whooshed to life, and then another few seconds for good measure. Finally, he looks up, just to see Sirius, standing in front of the floo, staring at him.

Sirius clears his throat. “Hi,” he says.

“Good morning,” he says, standing up. He sets his book down at a nearby table. “Are you ready?”

They leave by floo, and go to the east floo grates in Diagon Alley. They may need to go to a few different shops, but their first stop is Gringotts. James gave Remus the key to his vault, with instructions to take out as much as they may need for today. Remus figures they take a little more than they need and then replace whatever’s left over at the end.

They step out the floo, and Remus is immediately taken back to summers during his Hogwarts years, coming with his Da for school supplies, or with Sirius and the Potters for shopping trips. Those times were full of fun and freedom, dashing around other shoppers as they ran around, and always ended with ice cream from the Fortescue’s shop.

Then, during the war, it was a danger to be out in public. Remus would only go to Diagon when necessary. The streets were barren, and the few people in the streets would hide their faces and hurry to their destinations.

Now, Diagon Alley is bustling once more. Young children running around, pulling on their parents' hands, a group of young adults laughing together as they walked, and couples walking the streets holding hands. Even the shops themselves seem brighter, and more colorful than during the war.

Remus turns towards the snow white marble building that towered over neighboring buildings. Sirius stops him with a hand on Remus’s arm.

Remus looks down first at the tattoo-covered hand on his jumper, before looking up at Sirius. Sirius quickly takes his hand back and says, “We don’t need to go to Gringotts, I’ve got a bag of galleons that takes them directly from my vault.”

Remus frowns. “I thought James was paying?”

“It’s my godson’s graduation party,” Sirius says with a shrug. “I want to contribute.”

Finances have always been a tricky issue for Sirius and Remus to discuss. After Sirius had left his family, his uncle Alphard had passed away and left him a sizable inheritance, though it was nothing to the entire Black family fortune.

Remus on the other hand, had grown up with very little, and came into the war with practically nothing. This was a sticky point in their relationship, especially as they were choosing a place to live. Sirius kept insisting he could pay for a place for both of them, but Remus insisted that he would pay half, they just had to find an affordable place. They had many arguments about this, and other money related issues. Eventually Sirius had agreed to find a place affordable for both of them. It turned out though, that affordable meant the place was tiny and honestly a bit of a shithole, but it was theirs, and they loved it. At least until they stopped loving each other.

Remus isn’t sure about the state of Sirius’s finances today, but he seems to have steady work, and if he says he can pay for the decorations, Remus won’t interfere. Besides, arguing about finances will bring up too many memories of their time as a couple, and Remus doesn’t want to deal with that.

So after hesitating only long enough to decide he’s not going to argue, Remus says, “Alright then. Where should we start?”

Sirius gives him a side glance. His posture is straight, and he looks like he was prepared for a fight. Remus is almost sorry to have denied him one. When he realizes Remus is not engaging, he relaxes his shoulders. “I was thinking ’s Pritchard’s Party Supplies, they’ll probably have most things we need.”

Remus wrinkles his nose. “Pritchard’s Party Supplies? I don’t think I know that one.”

“Oh, it just opened a few years ago.”

Remus feels a familiar stab of guilt, another thing he didn’t know because he had left for so long. “Sure. Lead the way.”

They walk down the cobblestone walkway of Diagon Alley, dodging around other shopper’s. They eventually get to Pritchard’s, and Remus sees that it sits right next to Slug and Jigger’s potion supply store.

The store is filled top to bottom with every type of party supply you could want. The shelves are bursting with different products, Streamers spelled to be constantly moving, self cleaning tablecloths, a whole host of balloons, and much more.

As they browse the aisles, Remus asks. “Do you know if there’s a specific theme or color that we should stick to?”

Sirius nods, “Gryffindor colors, of course.”

“Did Lily okay that?”

Sirius laughs, and doesn’t answer. Remus just sighs.

They pull out a few items, and debate whether or not they need them. They get red and gold tablecloths, red and gold plates, cups, and gold silverware. The main party will be outdoors but they also grab a few decorations for inside, red and gold wall decorations. They also grab some hanging decorations that are charmed to hang by a tap of the wand, so they can use them outside. They also get a balloon arch that Sirius insists will be great for taking pictures by, and Remus reluctantly allows it. Sirius is the one paying, anyway.

Once they’ve paid for their items, Sirius leads them to the Fluttery Flowers next. They pick out some flower bouquets for tabletop centerpieces. They also get a big bouquet, just for Harry. The flowers are under a stasis spell, so they’ll last until the party.

“So, what’s the special occasion,” asks the shop assistant as they’re checking out with their order. She’s a young woman, maybe in her late twenties.

“My godson is graduating from Hogwarts,” Sirius says with a smile. “We’re getting them for the party.”

“Aw!” the shop assistant coos. Remus glances at her nametag to see it says ‘Cherise’. “That’s so sweet of you!” She flutters her eyelashes slightly, and Remus swears he sees her pupils change to heart shapes rather than circles.

Sirius just shrugs, “It’s a big deal, graduating Hogwarts. And he’s the first of my friend’s kids to graduate, so of course we’re going all out.”

Cherise titters. “Still, it’s so sweet!” Then, she looks up at Sirius through her eyelashes, “Do you have any kids of your own?”

Remus grits his teeth so he doesn’t let out a snarl. He’s not jealous, he tells himself. He’s just annoyed that Cherise is wasting their time flirting when she should be processing their payment.

For some inexplicable reason, Sirius’s gaze darts to Remus. Whatever he sees there makes his eyes darken. He turns back to Cherise, “No, no kids. So, how much is it for everything?”

Cherise takes the hint and they are soon on their way, decorations and flowers secured, miniaturized in a bag on Remus’s shoulder.

“So, where now?” Remus asks, as they step outside.

Sirius tilts his head. “I think we’re about done, unless you can think of anything else we should get?”

Remus can’t think of anything else. But he’s meant to be friendly with Sirius, and he’s worried that their time so far hasn’t been enough. “Do you want to go to Fortescue’s?” he asks impulsively.

Sirius blinks, before he gives a tentative smile. “Just like old times, eh?” he says.

Remus shrugs, and he has to look away. “Never could go to Diagon Alley without some ice cream.”

“You’ve always had a sweet tooth,” Sirius says fondly. “Glad to see that hasn’t changed.”

Remus just shrugs in response, and they begin the walk to the ice cream shop. Sirius’s words are just a reminder that once upon a time, Sirius was one of the people that knew everything about Remus.

They each order their ice cream - peppermint toad flavored for Remus, and rocky road for Sirius - and then Remus leads them to a table set up just outside the store to sit down.

They sit and lick their ice creams in silence for a moment.

Friends, friends, he’s meant to make friends with Sirius.

“Tell me more about your work. You said you work at a garage?”

Sirius looks startled at first, but then he nods. “Yeah it’s a muggle garage. I would love to work with integrating muggle technology with magic, but that’s still technically illegal,” Sirius grins, “So I’ve only been doing it a little.”

“Like your bike,” Remus says.

“Like my bike,” Sirius agrees. He had gotten the bike during the summer between their 6th and 7th years, and then enchanted it to fly during their seventh year. He treated the bike as if it was his baby. “Arthur also commissioned me to enchant this old Ford Angela to be able to fly. I said I’d only do it if he tried to get the law that wizards can’t enchant muggle objects repealed, but he said it probably wouldn’t be possible, since they’ve had too many cases of wizards trying to prank muggles.” Sirius shrugs and licks his ice cream again.

“Do you like working at the muggle garage?”

Sirius makes a face. “It’s fine. I love fixing up all the cars and bikes, don’t get me wrong. But management’s a bit.. Eh. I’ve thought of leaving, but I’m not sure what I’d do instead. Apart from working at the charity full time.”

Remus nods, though his heart jumps at the reminder that Sirius has been working at a magical creatures charity that helped get rid of discriminatory laws against werewolves. Remus says, “Your magical tattoo, that was some pretty cool magic.” He gestures to Sirius’s bicep, where the moon tattoo sits. “That’s not illegal. I’m sure you could find wizards interested in magical tattoos.”

“You think?” Sirius says, tilting his head as if to consider it. “I could offer both muggle and magic tattoos,” he says.

“I’m sure plenty of wizards are interested in tattoos, and just haven’t gotten them because they’re intimidated by the muggle world. You’d get a good amount of people coming.”

“Would you get one?” Sirius asks, leaning forward over the table, ice cream forgotten. “From me?”

Remus hesitates. Get a tattoo that lasts forever? From his ex? He’s not sure about that. Especially not when he’d be reminded about Sirius every time he sees it. But then Remus sees the vulnerable look on Sirius’s face. “Sure,” he finds himself saying. “It’d just depend on what’d I get.”

Sirius’s eyes widen at the affirmative. He hadn’t seemed to expect Remus to agree. Intently, he says, “What if I sketched up some options for you? Would you consider getting it done while you’re still here?”

Remus hesitates. Getting a tattoo by Sirius within the next two weeks? It seemed a bit insane.

But….

Friends tattooed their friends, right?

“Sure,” Remus says. “I’d do it. I’m fine with either muggle or magical tattoos. I’d have to get final say on which option we go with though.”

“Yeah of course! And if you don’t like any of them I can come up with new options.” Sirius’s eyes go hazy for a second, and Remus thinks he must be already starting his plans on what to sketch up for Remus.

“Sounds good.”

“Okay, I’ll let you know when I have the first sketches done,” Sirius says, with a shy smile. Then, “What about you, how’s your job going?”

“A bit in between things right now,” Remus says, thinking sourly of being fired from his publishing job. “Not quite sure where to go next,” he admits.

Sirius hums. “Well, you’re plenty smart, I’m sure you’ll find something. What do you like doing?”

Remus thinks. And then thinks some more. “I’m not sure,” he says slowly.

Sirius rolls his eyes. “That’s pish. There’s plenty you’re passionate about. You’ve always liked Charms. You’re the only reason we got the map to work. You could look into a job involving charmwork. Oh, you also loved Defense Against the Dark Arts.”

“What am I meant to do with that? Go on explorations looking for dangerous creatures? Oh look, I already found one,” he says dryly, pointing at himself.

Sirius just rolls his eyes. “No, I was thinking you could teach it. I heard the position is open right now.”

“Teach Defense?” Remus says with a frown. “What, at Hogwarts?”

“Oh,” Sirius says, biting a lip. “I suppose you could teach at Ilvermorny if you wanted to stay in the States. It’s just, you’ve always been good at teaching. You taught me plenty, when I wasn’t paying attention in class and needed help with the homework. And you had your whole study group, which was basically you tutoring a bunch of other students.”

Remus considers this. He thinks about the idea of teaching Defense to Illvermorny students. It’s… actually not a bad idea. But then he looks down. “I doubt Illvermorny would want to hire a werewolf as a teacher.”

“They’d be stupid not to hire you,” Sirius says. “And if they’re using prejudice to make decisions on faculty, then there’s something wrong with the entire institution.”

Remus looks back up at Sirius. Sirius is frowning, utterly convinced by what he was saying.

“Did you really abolish the werewolf registry?” Remus asks in a small voice.

Sirius looks almost abashed, which Remus thinks is ridiculous. “Well, I didn’t do it alone. My team helped a lot throughout the process.”

“And you got Greyback convicted of his crimes,” Remus continues, unable to stop himself.

Sirius sucks in a breath. “Yes,” he affirms gently.

Remus isn’t sure what to say. ‘Thank you’ doesn’t carry the appropriate amount of weight. ‘Did you do it for me?’ is too honest. Eventually, he says. “Good fucking riddance.”

Sirius lets out a half laugh. “Yeah. Glad he’s off the streets.”

Remus gazes at Sirius, and Sirius looks back. There’s something charged between them. Remus opens his mouth, and before he can regret it asks, “Why did you think I was the traitor?”

A pained look comes across Sirius’s face. “Remus,” he says. Then, “Can we talk about something else?”

Remus’s gaze stays on Sirius for another second, and Sirius shifts in his seat. “Fine,” he agrees. He’s not sure he wants the answer to his question anyway, not sure why he even asked it. He racks his brain for a new topic. Then he remembers, “What’s going on with your brother, James and Lily?”

Sirius’s face shifts to one of dismay, “Oh my god, I know, right?! There’s obviously something there but anytime I bring it up to Prongs he brushes me off! I feel like I’m going crazy.”

“You’re not crazy, there’s definitely something there. You know, I walked in on the three of them cuddling on the couch last night.”

Sirius’s jaw drops. “Seriously?” he demands.

“Yeah! I was shocked of course, but also kind of… not?”

Sirius nods. “I know what you mean. I was a bit upset the first time I realized there was something there. Just, that’s my brother and two of my best friends, you know? But they seem to work really well together, and they obviously care for each other.”

Remus nods. “Yeah. I’m just not sure if they’re together already and not saying anything, or if they're idiots who are basically acting like a couple without talking about it.”

Sirius snorts, “Knowing Reg’s dislike of being vulnerable, I’m guessing the second option.”

Remus goes to take another bite of his ice cream and realizes he’s finished. Huh. He did it, successfully had a conversation with Sirius Black and didn’t spontaneously combust. And it was relatively painless.

They leave Fortescue’s and head towards the eastern floos. On a whim, Remus asks, “Are you coming back to the Potter’s? We could see if James, Lily and Regulus are back yet.”

Sirius eyes him curiously before smiling. He agrees, and they use the floos to travel back to the Potter’s.

The Potter’s and Regulus are indeed back. Remus realizes he feels almost disappointed. Other than Sirius dodging Remus’s question about the war, Remus had enjoyed his one-on-one time with Sirius. Remus feels oddly proud of himself. His plan to become friends with Sirius seemed to be going well.

The group of five head to the living room, where James, Lily and Regulus share the couch and Sirius and Remus sit on separate armchairs.

They chat for a little while, Sirius and Remus explain what decorations they got for the party and James, Lily, and Regulus explain how placing the catering order went.

"Anyway," Lily says. "Does anyone want anything to eat? I could go scrounge around in the kitchen for lunch."

"I'm not too hungry," Remus says.

"Yeah, me neither," Sirius jumps in. "We stopped for ice cream, so." He says this with a casual shrug, but there's a large smile on his face.

"You two stopped for ice cream?" James asks with a matching grin. "Together?"

Remus rolls his eyes. Sirius confirms, to James' delight. Remus doesn't add anything, and Lily goes off to the kitchen to fix lunch for everyone, saying she'll bring something light for Remus and Sirius.

In the meantime, their talk turns to Quidditch, because James can't stay away from the topic for longer than a few hours.

James explains how his team is going, apparently Cramer's throws are all leaning left, no matter how many times James tells her to correct it, and Hunter's constantly getting distracted watching the other players he forgets to look for the snitch.

"If only we had a Seeker like you," James says to Regulus. "You were absolutely brilliant in the air, and fast as a whip. I used to love watching you fly." James' eyes turn dreamy, as if he's imagining Regulus flying right this minute.

"I was very good," Regulus allows with a small smirk. He looks pleased with James' attention on him.

"We should go for a fly now! After lunch!" James insists.

"Hell yeah!" Sirius says. "It's been too long since I've last flown."

"You missed Moony flying and playing with us two weeks ago," James says in a tease.

Sirius's jaw drops. He turns towards Remus. "You went flying?"

Remus flushes feeling slightly embarrassed. "Yes, and that's my limit for at least the next 15 years."

"No, that's not fair!" Sirius says in a whine. "I didn't even get to see!"

Remus's lip twitches even as he tries to maintain a firm face. "Absolutely not. Besides, with Lily, you'll have even teams."

"With 5 people, we could have two teams with a keeper and a chaser each, and one person can be the Seeker, to catch the snitch and end the game."

"I want to be seeker," Regulus says immediately.

James shoots him a fond smile. "I know you do," he assures the other man.

They all turn to Remus, who grimaces. "I don't know," he hedges.

"Oh please!" Sirius says with a pout and wide eyes. Ah, damn. He pulled out the puppy dog eyes. Even now, Remus was helpless to them.

"Only if I get to be a keeper," he says firmly, and Sirius grins, triumphant.

"Of course!" Sirius says. "I'll be on your team." Then his grin fades. Quietly, he continues, "Uh, if that's alright with you."

Remus pauses for a moment. He'd been focused so much on making friends with Sirius, that he was starting to forget why he was so resistant to it in the first place. But, well. It felt nice. Being friends with Sirius again. It felt like old times again. Maybe Remus needed to let go of his grudge fully.

"You can be on my team," Remus says "As long as you understand I'm going to be a very bad keeper."

Lily comes back after another few minutes to announce that lunch was ready, and the five of them head to the dining room to eat. They fill Lily in on the plan, and while she's not enthusiastic, she agrees.

After a quick lunch, they all head outside and grab brooms from the shed before going to the backyard pitch and mounting their brooms.

The game is actually pretty exciting, even by Remus's standards. As he warned, he is not very good at keeping, and lets through a good few of James's throws. Luckily, Lily is not much better, and lets through a good amount of Sirius's throws as well.

After a little over an hour, Regulus catches the snitch, ending the game. James and Lily end up winning, and once they all land, James celebrates by picking Lily up and spinning her around, while Lily laughs. Regulus stands close by, watching.

"Good thing we lost," Remus says to Sirius, "I don't reckon you could spin me around like that."

He's worried when Sirius doesn't respond right away, but then Sirius lets out a bark of laughter. "Oh come on!" Sirius protests once he's caught his breath. "I could totally lift you like that!"

Remus shrugs. "I dunno about that. Though, we could do it the other way around," he says before he can stop himself. Then he freezes, because they have done it the other way around. Multiple times. In the past, when they were together, Remus would pick Sirus up and carry him to bed. Or Remus would lift Sirius up and hold him against a wall as they made out while Sirius wrapped his legs around Remus. It was almost always a sexual thing.

Even when they first got their flat together, Remus carried Sirius over the threshold as Muggle culture dictates. Then they christened their new bed.

Sirius's pale cheeks turn rosy, and he looks bashful. "Maybe we'll have to try that way again sometime," he says, eyes flicking up to Remus and then down to the ground.

Remus's heart skips a beat. Was Sirius flirting with him? He was, because there was no way he could mean that platonically.

Remus swallows as he tries to figure out how to respond. What was it James had said last night? Don't lead Sirius on. Remus had been so focused on how James was still looking out for Sirius over Remus that he hadn't thought through the implications. Don't lead him on implied he could be lead on. Did Sirius still have feelings for him? Romantic feelings?

Remus isn't sure he's ready to deal with that.

Remus is saved from responding by James coming over and slapping an arm around Sirius's shoulders.

Together, the group of five heads back to the manor. They spend the rest of the day together, chatting and playing a few games.

In the middle of a game of gobstones, out of nowhere, Regulus asks, "Oh yeah, Remus, how was your date yesterday?"

Remus tenses, intentionally not looking at Sirius to see his reaction. "Good," he says. "Though it wasn't really a date. I'm going back to New York after the graduation party, so it wouldn't really make sense to date, you know?"

Regulus hums as he takes his turn. "You're right. It wouldn't make sense," he says, though it sounds more like a warning than agreement.

The mood turns a bit down after that. James asks, "Do you know when you're going to head back? After the party I mean?"

Remus nods, "I really need to start looking for a new job, so I was thinking I'd head back on the Monday after the party.”

"Well, you'll have to come back to visit soon," James says.

Remus just nods in response.

They finish the game, and Sirius says he's feeling tired, and so he and Regulus get ready to head out.

They all walk to the sitting room together and the brothers leave through the floo, leaving James, Lily and Remus alone.

"That went well!" James says with a smile, rocking back and forth on his heels.

Lily glances at Remus. "Yes, I suppose," she says.

"I think I'm going to head up to bed," Remus says.

James deflates slightly looking disappointed. "Oh, alright.”

Why does Remus feel vaguely guilty for going out with Benji, at least when it was brought up in Sirius’s presence? They broke up years ago, it wasn’t like Remus was cheating on Sirius.

But they had such a nice day today, they had been friendly with each other. Sure, there were a few awkward moments, but it was better than the past few times they’ve talked.

But then Regulus had brought up Benjy, and it felt like there was a wall between him and Sirius yet again. An unacknowledged truth that they were exes and it was awkward for Remus to even mention dating in front of him.

Remus didn’t like thinking of Sirius as his ex-boyfriend. He realized this the first time James called Sirius his ex in a letter - back in the early days when James would still talk about Sirius. He saw the written word, ‘ex’ and it didn’t seem right. Sirius and Remus were not exes, how could they be? They were cosmically aligned, their love was meant to last infinitely. All of those whispered declarations of loving each other forever, broken.

It takes Remus awhile to fall asleep that night, as complicated thoughts run through his head.

Chapter Text

The rest of the week passes quietly, with mainly James, Lily, and Remus hanging out around the manor, when James and Lily are not at work. They read, and chat and play games, and sometimes James goes outside to garden. Regulus and Sirius are notably absent. Remus doesn’t care of course. It doesn’t affect him at all. He’s totally normal about it.

He spends an inordinate amount of time in the sitting room, watching the floo to see if it’ll turn green.

Finally, it’s Friday, and they’re expecting their friends over any minute for their weekly friends dinner.

James is in the kitchen finishing up the cooking, and Remus and Lily are in the dining room setting the table, and bringing out finished dishes.

“So,” Lily says. “Do you think you’re ready to see Sirius again?”

Remus sighs as he sets down a steaming hot dish of Biryani. “I think I’m getting tired of that question,” he says.

But Lily barrels ahead. “I know the last time you saw each other ended on an odd note. It’s not too late, if you want to hide upstairs I can just say you’re sick.”

Remus considers this for a moment, almost wistfully. But, “No, no. I’m not just going to hide upstairs. I’m trying to make friends with him again, I need to actually see him to make that happen.”

Lily smiles softly. “Okay, Rem. As long as you’re comfortable. And I’m really proud of you, for trying to become friends again. I know it can’t be easy.”

The floo goes off with a whoosh, so Lily excuses herself to go greet their guests.

Dinner goes mostly smoothly. The girls chatter and laugh together, and James joins with his typical teasing lilt. Sirius is mostly quiet (Regulus is too, but that's normal for the man).

"That reminds me," Marlene is saying. "I had this one old lady come in for a haircut, just a trim up, you know? But as soon as she sees my hair," Marlene pauses for a second to flip her hair. It's blond, with dark roots showing and the tips dyed pink, and it's styled in a mullet. Marlene continues, "she makes this noise, that just sounds like, disapproving or something? And I'm like, is there a problem? And she says no, I didn't say anything. But then I get her in my chair and start working on my hair and she starts going off about how the younger generations are getting so disrespectful, with their dyed hair, and odd haircuts. And she said she didn't understand why I would do that to my hair, when I had such a pretty face."

Lily gasps, "She said that to you? As you were cutting your hair?"

"I hope you gave her a baldspot," Mary says.

"What did you say?" Remus asks.

Marlene shrugs. "I didn't say anything. I've been talking to my therapist about my anger issues, and so I took a deep breath and kept on cutting her hair."

"And then...?" Dorcas says leadingly.

"And once I was done cutting her hair I told that bitch she was never welcome back to my salon again."

"Good riddance," Mary says. "God I hate old ladies. Would hate to be one someday."

"Not all old ladies are like that," James counters.

"Yeah, take James' mum for example. Effie is a fucking delight," Marlene says.

"Stop hitting on my mom!"

"All I said was that she's a delight!"

As Marlene and James bicker, Remus turns to Sirius, who's sitting across the table from him. Surely he has opinions on little old ladies who look down on modern hair trends. But he's just looking down, moving food around on his plate.

Was he really still upset because of Remus's not date with Benjy? Remus isn't sure what to do with that. Is it jealousy? Or is he just uncomfortable?

Remus suddenly regrets coming back to visit, if it led Sirius to acting like this.

Remus is so focused on Sirius, it takes him a minute to realize that Regulus is glaring at him. Remus blinks.

"So Remus," Regulus says, interrupting the others' conversation. As Regulus does not often contribute, they all quiet to listen to him. "Now that you've deigned us with your presence once more, are you planning on visiting again, or will you wait another 16 years?"

Remus feels anger prickling at his skin. He takes a deep breath.

"Regulus," James warns quietly.

"It's alright James," Remus says. "Yes, I left for 16 years, because I needed to. I'm not going to apologize for that."

Regulus rolls his eyes. "That doesn't answer my question."

"Oh sorry, I forgot we were suddenly friends who like to know each other's whereabouts. Remind me, when did we become friends? Was it before or after you willingly became a death eater?"

"Remus!" Lily says in a warning.

Regulus grins ferociously, but when he goes to speak, Sirius suddenly places his hand on Regulus's shoulder. "That's enough," Sirius says.

Regulus scowls but backs down, relaxing into his seat.

Remus wants to feel victorious for getting the last word in, but he just feels mean.

"Is everyone done eating?" James asks brightly, as if nothing is wrong. "Why don't we all go into the living room?"

Everyone quietly shuffles over to the living room, no one daring to break the silence.

Remus stays back to help Lily with the cleaning up. They work in silence for a few minutes, bringing the dishes back to the kitchen and putting away any left over food. As Lily begins to wash the dishes using a spell, she turns to Remus. "That was uncalled for. Regulus is the only reason we are living in peace right now, he’s the one who ended the war."

"I know that," Remus says bitterly. "I'm sorry. But he's the one who started it."

Lily sighs. "I know, I'm sorry about that."

"You don't have to apologize for him, Lils."

Lily nods, her eyes distant. Then she looks at Remus, almost assessing.

"You want to ask, don't you?" He says.

"When will you come back, Rem?" She asks, and Remus is mortified to see her eyes bright with tears. "Christmas? Next year? Or in 2 years time, for Faye's graduation? Do you know what it felt like, knowing exactly where my best friend was, but never being allowed to see him? I understand why you left, and I understand why you didn't want to come back. But you didn't even let us visit you in New York!" Lily sniffles. "It felt like you didn't care about me anymore."

Remus sucks in a breath. He's suddenly struck full force with the guilt that's been simmering inside him since he left behind his home, and all his friends.

Remus feels like he's drowning in it. Or maybe he would prefer drowning. He wants to duck and hide, away from Lily's tortured gaze. But he freezes instead.

"Lily, I..." he starts. He hesitates for a moment too long.

Lily shakes her head, and smiles sadly. "It's fine. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said all that. Let's just finish up so we can join the others."

Remus wants to say something. Anything. But nothing he says will suffice. He can't tell Lily how much she means to him, not when he hasn't shown that in the past decade and a half, with bare minimum letters, and refusals to all their offers to visit. He also can't tell her he'll come back soon to visit. Maybe even come for Christmas. Because, will he? After this trip, Remus isn't sure he's ready for another.

So he stays silent.

They finish the dishes in silence before entering the living room.

Lily makes a beeline to sit between James and Regulus on the couch while Remus takes a seat on an open armchair.

It appears in their absence the conversation has livened once more. Remus tries not to take offence.

They’ve started talking about Dorcas’s work now, as a fashion designer.

“And I finally have my fashion show, to show off my new integrated line,” Dorcas is saying. Remus doesn’t say anything, but Dorcas must see the slightly confused look on his face so she says, “I’m integrating muggle fashion into wizarding fashion. Lightweight jeans that can be worn under robes, suits for wizards, pieces like that. I’ve gotten some good feedback so far, but with a fashion show, I’ll be getting a lot more publicity.”

“When’s the fashion show?” Mary asks.

“In the fall. It’ll probably be in October. And you’re all invited, obviously.” Her gaze once again catches on Remus’s and he does his best not to look guilty. She fumbles, “You’re welcome too Remus, if you’re around.”

Remus smiles, “Yeah,” he says noncommittal. “That sounds like it’d be fun.”

“Don’t worry,” Regulus cuts in, “No one actually expects you to show up.”

Remus’s mouth twists, but he takes a deep breath, and doesn’t respond.

“Regulus,” Dorcas says in a warning. “It’s fine. He can come if he wants to, but he’s under no obligation.” She nods at Remus, as if this was a blessing and not breaking Remus’s heart that he can’t even be there for his friend’s big moments.

Remus forces himself to smile and nod at Dorcas, even as he feels like skinning himself alive.

The conversation moves along, and eventually the girls all decide it’s time to go. Sirius looks like he wants to leave as well, but every time he looks to Regulus, Regulus looks away.

“So Remus,” Regulus starts.

“Regulus,” Lily says in a warning tone.

“What, I was just going to ask if he’s leaving directly after the graduation party, or if he’ll wait a day to say his goodbyes,” Regulus says, faux innocently.

“Do you have a problem with me?” Remus snaps.

“Yeah,” Regulus says, narrowing his eyes. “I think you’re a coward, and your inaction has caused more harm than any potential action that you could have taken.”

“Oh, like you’re any better? You wanna talk about inaction? Jesus Christ, the three of you, really. Just say you’re all in love with each other already!”

The room freezes for a second, as everyone holds their breath. Remus regrets saying anything the moment he does. He sees horror grow on Regulus’s face, and embarrassment on James and Lily’s faces. Sirius looks like he’s about to laugh.

“That’s really not -”

“Oh, it’s not like that -”

“Fuck you,” they all speak at the same time, before looking at each other. Regulus looks away, but James and Lily look at each other, as if they’re having a conversation.

“Well,” Lily starts with a shrug, then stops.

James bounces excitedly in his seat. “I was thinking the same thing! I didn’t want to say anything, but, well -”

They both turn to Regulus.

“Reg?” Lily asks hopefully.

Regulus crosses his arms. “Fuck off,” he says.

“Oh come on, Reggie,” James says, then repeats, “Reggie,” in a sing song voice.

Regulus is scowling, but his face grows red. “I have no idea what you’re all talking about,” he says stoically.

“Can we please just talk about it,” James begs.

“I’ve seen the way you look at James when he has his shirt off while gardening,” Lily offers.

“And the way you look at Lily when she’s ranting about a book,” James teases.

Regulus’s face grows impossibly redder, but he maintains his scowl. “I am not talking about this with them here,” he says, nodding his head over towards Mary, Dorcas, Marlene, Sirius and Remus. Which is fair, because Remus is feeling like he’s witnessing something private.

Dorcas stands up, dragging a protesting Marlene and Mary with her. “That’s fine, we were just leaving.” She drags them out of the room to the floo.

Sirius stands up immediately as well, “And Remus and I were just going to go outside and… do something.”

Regulus looks to Sirius in alarm. “Wait, I didn’t mean -”

“Regulus,” Sirius says softly. “Go on, talk to them. Whatever happens, it’ll be okay.”

Looking more vulnerable than Remus has ever seen before, Regulus looks back at his brother for a moment before looking away and nodding. James turns to Lily and grins. She reaches a hand out to his and squeezes it.

Taking that as his cue, Remus heaves himself out of the armchair, and stands to join Sirius. He follows him out of the house.

“I can’t believe this is finally happening,” Sirius says, kicking at the dirt.

“Yeah,” Remus says sheepishly. “Sorry about that.”

Sirius’s head shoots up to look at Remus, “Don’t be sorry!” he says. “They’ve been like this for years. I’ve never said anything, because I didn’t think it was my place, but I’m so glad you did. Who knows how long they would have danced around each other if you hadn’t.” Sirius’s face softens, “I’m glad you’re back.”

“I’m not back,” Remus says stiffly. “I’m just visiting.”

“Right!” Sirius says. “That’s what I meant, sorry.”

There’s an awkward silence. It never used to be like this. Any silence between them was comfortable, and the conversation flowed easily. Now, Remus struggled to come up with a conversation topic.

“Will you come to Muggle London with me on Sunday?” Sirius asks abruptly.

“What?” Remus says, feeling caught off guard.

“I wanna get Harry a leather jacket for his graduation, but I’m so bad at figuring out muggle money. Come with me?”

Remus looks at Sirius, really looks at him, maybe for the first time since he’s been back. He looks earnest, but also nervous, as if he doesn’t know what Remus is going to say.

Remus wonders what he’s going to say too. But really, if he’s honest, there’s only one answer that Remus could possibly give. As if there was a world out there where Remus Lupin is able to deny Sirius Black anything. “Okay,” he says, and Sirius beams.

Chapter Text

The next day, James and Lily leave to pick up Harry, Faye, and Briar from King’s Cross. The train is meant to arrive at 6pm, but James and Lily leave at 5pm, not wanting to be late to Harry’s last Hogwarts ride.

Before they leave, James warns Remus that he invited Regulus and Sirius over for dinner to see the kids, and they would be showing up sometime before 6pm.

Remus doesn’t protest, though he’s not sure Regulus is a huge fan of his right now.

It seems like everything went well with James, Lily and Regulus yesterday though. After a little while, Regulus had come outside to find Sirius and Remus, and left with Sirius pretty much immediately.

When Remus went inside, James and Lily said they had to talk amongst themselves and went up to bed together.

But this morning, James was up bright and early cooking breakfast, while Lily chatted and joked with him. When Remus came down for breakfast, they warmly greeted him.

Remus slowly sits down at a stool at the kitchen island. “Good morning,” he responds cautiously.

“Fried egg and sausage okay for you Remus? We’ve also got toast.”

Remus accepts the food without protest. He eats silently while James and Lily chat amongst themselves.

“So,” James says heavily, making Remus look up immediately. James glances at Lily, who nods, before continuing, “We talked it through with him yesterday, and we’re going to be in a relationship with Regulus. We want to start slow, so we’re going to wait to tell the kids. And others. So probably just you, Sirius and the girls will know, but we'll tell others at some point.”

Remus nodded, he had expected as much. “I won’t tell anyone,” he promises.

“Thanks,” Lily says. “Actually, we should thank you. If you hadn’t pushed us to talk to Reg, we wouldn't have gotten the push to start dating him.” At Remus’s slightly uncomfortable look, Lily continues with a raised eyebrow, “Even if the two of you were fighting when it happened.”

Remus smiles sheepishly. “I don’t think he likes me much,” he confesses.

“It’s not that,” James says. When Remus looks at him, confused, he sighs, putting his elbows down on the island and leaning over. “He’s just protective of Sirius. You leaving - well. It kind of broke him. He was in a funk for years. No one could pull him out of it. He eventually got better, over time, but even still, there’s a kind of emptiness there, you know? Anyway, Regulus knows how much you leaving the last time hurt him, and he just doesn’t want you to hurt him again.”

“Hurt him again,” Remus repeats, almost numbly.

James sighs again. “I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. But I just wanted to explain, well, Regulus’s reasoning.”

“Do you hate me for it too?” Remus asks, looking James in the eye.

James closes his eyes. “Remus,” he says lowly.

“I just mean - he’s your best friend. He’s more than that really, Lily and I used to joke that the two of you were soulmates and she was just your wife. Are you mad at me too, for leaving?”

“Remus, of course no one’s mad at you,” Lily says, putting a hand on James’s back.

“Except for Regulus,” Remus corrects.

Lily sighs, “Except for Regulus. But he’ll get over it.”

Will he? Will it even matter, if Remus decides to never return again? Gritting his teeth Remus says, “Yeah, maybe.”

The rest of the day passes, somewhat tensely. After James and Lily leave to pick up the kids, Remus settles in the sitting room, pretending to read a book while waiting anxiously for Sirius and Regulus to come through the floo.

Eventually, after half an hour, the flames switch to green, and out spits Sirius. He grins at Remus. “They’re together!” He announces.

Remus laughs, suddenly feeling lighter. “I know! They worked that out quickly.”

Sirius shook his head, “Nuh uh, that’s been years in the making.”

As they’re talking, Regulus comes through the floo.

“Are you under lock and key not to tell anyone else about Reg and them too?” Sirius asks.

Before Remus can respond, Regulus interrupts, “Incredible, you’ve been here barely a minute and you’re already gossiping about me.”

Sirius grins unrepentantly. “It’s not often you make for good gossip! Let me get it in while I can.”

Regulus ignores him and turns to Remus. “As you may have heard, I am going to be dating James and Lily. Don’t tell anyone yet, we’re waiting to tell their kids.”

“Congratulations,” Remus says.

Regulus glares at him. Eventually he says, “... thank you.”

Remus wonders if that thank you was meant to be for the congratulations, or for the push Remus accidentally gave them to talk about it.

“So,” Sirius says eagerly, “You’re still on for accompanying me to Muggle London for a leather jacket for Harry tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Remus confirms, nodding.

Sirius nods back happily. They sit down while they wait for the Potter’s to come back - Remus and Sirius on the couch and Regulus on an armchair.

Remus asks a question about the kids, and Sirius and Regulus fill him in on some of their current interests and stuff they have going on. Harry, once he graduates, is set to become Seeker for the Montrose Magpies. “He takes after his da,” Sirius says. “He’s wicked on a broom.” He’s already got the offer, a scout came to the last Hogwarts match. Faye has been petitioning for House Elf rights, starting with the Hogwarts elves. “She takes after her mother,” Regulus says fondly. And Briar, in addition to convincing Dumbledore to implement non-binary dorms in all of the Houses, has an interest in dragons, and has been trying to get his parents to agree to an internship with Charlie in Romania, to little success. “James says Lily won’t agree to it, but he thinks he can wear her down by the summer after Briar’s sixth year,” Sirius says.

Eventually, the front door opens. Sirius and Regulus stand up immediately, and Remus follows, slightly slower after wincing at the twinge in his hip. Regulus slips out of the room, but Sirius turns to Remus in concern. “Are you alright?”

Remus shrugs, feeling angry and embarrassed by the fact his body is falling apart. “I’m fine,” Remus says, then takes a step and winces again. Some days are better than others, and this is one of the bad days.

Sirius walks over and offers his arm. “C’mon,” he says softly.

Remus sighs before gratefully taking his arm, and they walk over to the front door together, Remus putting part of his weight onto Sirius’s arm.

When they get to the front door, Faye and Briar are excitedly talking over each other to Regulus, James, and Lily while Harry listens and rolls his eyes occasionally.

Harry sees them first, eyes immediately tracking to where Remus is leaning on to Sirius’s arm. “Hi Padfoot,” he says warmly, “Nice to see you again, Uncle Moony.”

Sirius and Remus greet the kids, Faye and Briar immediately run forward to hug Sirius, and then greet Remus cautiously.

And soon enough, the manor is alive in a way Remus hasn’t experienced since summers at the Potter’s, when the Marauder’s would all run around the manor.

Faye and Briar race each other to the kitchen, insisting they’ll help with dinner, while Harry heads up to his room, claiming to be tired from the train ride.

“He’s such a teenager,” James says, “Doesn’t want to spend any more time with his parents then he has to.” He then heads to the kitchen after the kids, likely to oversee the dinner preparations.

After dinner, the evening passes in a similarly chaotic way. The entire group ends up in the living room, as the kids talk about everything they’ve been up to at school. Eventually, Sirius and Regulus announce they’ll be leaving.

“I’ll be back tomorrow around one in the afternoon? Does that work?” Sirius asks Remus before they leave.

“Wait what? You’re coming over tomorrow?” James asks. “Though, obviously you’re always welcome.”

“Yeah!” Sirius says, almost beaming. “Remus is going to muggle London with me.” He doesn’t explain why, given Harry is still in the room, and Remus realizes it sounds like they’re just planning on hanging out in muggle London together. Though - aren’t they? Sirius could have asked anyone, Lily and Mary are both muggleborns, they could surely help him. So why had Remus agreed? Right - he was trying to be friends with Sirius, at Lily’s bidding. Friends. That’s all. Friends accompany each other shopping sometimes, don’t they?

James’s face lights up. “Oh?” he says with an obnoxious grin on his face. “That’s fun! I hope you both enjoy each other's company tomorrow,” he says with a wink at Sirius, who waves a hand at him as if to dissipate the wink.

“Yeah,” Remus says belatedly. “One works.”

“Great!”

They leave soon after, and Remus, feeling absurdly out of place suddenly, heads up to bed for the night. He wants to give the Potter’s some privacy for their reunion.

=====

The next day, Remus wakes up far too early. He doesn’t have anything to do until Sirius comes over, but he’s got anxious energy from the thought of spending one on one time with the other man, so he gets out of bed and heads downstairs.

No one else is awake yet, not even James ‘morning person’ Potter, and Remus decides abruptly that he’ll make breakfast for everyone.

While he’s normally not a cook, he’s been living by himself for years, so he has at least some experience, even if he’s usually not cooking for an entire family. He decides to make pancakes, eggs and bacon, hoping all of the kids are okay with that for a meal.

James comes down while Remus is halfway through cooking the pancakes, the eggs and bacon already sitting warm under a stasis charm.

“Remus!” James says with a grin, far too chipper for this early in the morning, in Remus’s opinion. “You’re making breakfast!”

Remus shrugs. “Figured I should finally help out around here a bit. I’m sure it’s nowhere near as good as your cooking though.”

“Nonsense!” James says. “I’m sure it’s great. Move over though, I’ll help.”

Together they finish flipping the last of the pancake batter, chatting and laughing throughout. Lily comes down as they’re just finishing up, and sets the dining room table. They chat as they wait for the kids to wake up.

“So Remus,” James says pointedly. “You’re going out with Sirius today then?”

Remus internally winces at the wording. “I’m going shopping with Sirius, yes. He wanted to get Harry something from muggle London for his graduation, and asked for help with the muggle world.”

“Yeah, cause he doesn’t know muggle London,” James says in a scoff.

Remus frowns. “What?”

Lily hits James lightly on the chest. She explains, “Sirius’s job at the garage is in muggle London, so he’s gotten quite adept at navigating the city. He’s actually the one people go to for help, since he’s been working there for so long.”

“Oh,” Remus says, a weight growing in his stomach.

When Sirius had asked him to go shopping with him, Remus had known it was a thinly veiled excuse to spend time with him. But it was another thing to have that confirmed, and that Sirius wouldn’t need Remus’s help at all.

Maybe Remus shouldn’t go.

It would probably be for the best, Remus couldn’t be friends with Sirius, their past was too messy. They didn’t work together.

But.

But Sirius had seemed so happy when Remus agreed to accompany him.

And goddamn it but Remus liked seeing Sirius happy.

“I don’t think he meant to deceive you,” Lily says cautiously, when Remus doesn’t respond.

“Of course not!” James hurriedly agrees. “I’m sure he just wanted to hang out with you.”

“I know, it’s fine.”

“So, you’ll still go to London with him?” Lily asks, as James looks at Remus with wide eyes, awaiting his response.

“Yeah, course,” Remus says.

Their talk turns to brighter subjects, as Remus asks their plans for the last week before the party. Briar comes down after a little while, quickly followed by Faye.

“Should I go up and wake Harry?” Lily says.

“Nah, let him sleep, he probably hasn't had a proper sleep-in for a while. He’ll come down when he’s awake,” James says. They all sit down together in the dining room to eat.

After breakfast, Remus goes into the sitting room, selecting a new book off one of the bookshelves - “A Vampiric Summer” - Remus can’t tell if it’s wizarding or muggle at first glance.

James pops his head in to tell him he’ll be outside flying with Harry and Faye - Briar opting to play a round of chess with his mother in the game room.

Remus waits anxiously, alternating between reading the book and just looking at words on a page.

After a quick lunch with a bunch of Potter’s - sweaty from being outside all morning - one o’clock finally rolls around. Remus gets even antsier, tapping his foot as he waits in the sitting room with his book.

The flames flicker to green and Sirius steps out. He grins at Remus, then looks at the book in his hands. “Is that one of Lily’s trashy romances?”

Remus glances down at the book in his hands. “Just because it’s a romance doesn’t make it trashy,” he argues, mostly for the sake of arguing.

Sirius snorts. “So, you ready to go?”

Remus stands up, placing the book on the side table and brushing invisible dirt off his pants. “Sure. Do you need to go to Gringott’s first, to convert some wizarding money to muggle?”

Sirius shakes his head. “I went yesterday before I came over here to see the kids, I think I have enough.”

If Sirius has been working in the muggle world for years now, he likely knows about how much things cost, so Remus has no reason to doubt this. He nods, and they agree to take the floo to the Leaky Cauldron and go from there.

They end up taking a cab from the Leaky Cauldron, as the store Sirius wants to go to is a bit too far to walk comfortably. The cab ride is mostly silent, and a little awkward. Remus racks his brain for something to say but comes out blank. He glances at Sirius once, just to see Sirius looking back at him already. Sirius’s eyes widen and he bites his lip but he doesn’t look away. “So, I finished the sketches,” Sirius says shyly.

It takes Remus a moment to remember. It’s been a week - a long week - since Sirius had asked Remus about getting a tattoo from him. Remus had nearly forgotten.

He swallows. It hadn’t felt as real before, but now that Sirius has finished the sketches - well. It’s starting to feel real. Would Remus really be able to follow through on this? Would he really be able to get something that reminds him of Sirius permanently on his body?

“Do you have them with you?” Remus asks. He could at least see if he liked the drawings first.

“I didn’t bring them, didn’t want to chance losing them. But, if you want to come over to mine and Reg’s after we pick up the jacket, I could show you?” Sirius bites his lip, looking nervous.

Remus hesitates.

But when could he deny Sirius anything?

“Okay,” he says, more confidently than he feels.

“Okay!" Sirius says, with a smile.

The cab pulls up to the store. Sirius pulls out a few notes and hands it to the cab driver.

They enter the store, and Remus follows Sirius as he walks down aisles, inspecting different jackets before moving on. Remus doesn't quite know what he's looking for, or why the past 5 jackets weren't up to scratch.

Sirius walks up to one jacket that has a red lining. He hums, interested, picking up a sleeve and inspecting it before making a noise of dismissal and abandoning it. Remus checks the price tag of it. €500.

Bloody hell.

They go on like this for a while, and just as Remus is about to sigh in impatience, Sirius picks a jacket up and says, “What do you think?”

Remus inspects it. It looks like all the others to him. This one has a few zippers on the front, and large pockets. “Yeah, it looks good.”

Sirius narrows his eyes, inspecting the jacket closer, and pulling open one of the zippers, putting his hand inside to see how large the pocket was. “Hm, I don’t know…”

“Sirius, it looks like all the others,” Remus says, exasperated.

Sirius laughs. “It doesn’t at all. The quality of this one is much better actually, the leather is thicker and will last longer. But fine, I get your point. Just let me look at a few more and I’ll make a decision.”

Remus huffs a sigh, but he follows Sirius around to look at a couple more. Sirius eventually goes back to the one he asked Remus about. “I think this is the one,” he announces. Remus just nods.

Soon enough, Sirius hands over a few bills to the cashier and they leave the shop with the jacket tucked away in a bag.

“Anywhere else you wanted to go while we’re out in muggle London?” Remus asks. “Or should we just head back to yours?”

Sirius shoots him a look, eyes peering through his eyelashes coyly, “Why Remus, at least buy me dinner first.”

Remus laughs, caught off guard. Sirius looks pleased with himself. “Yeah, alright,” Remus finds himself saying.

Sirius blinks. “What, really?”

“Sure, it’s lunch time isn’t it? Let’s get something to eat.” Remus says.

A smile slowly blooms on Sirius’s face. “Okay! There’s a good place around the corner that does really good Thai. You still like Thai, right?”

Remus raises an eyebrow. “You seem to know the area well.”

“Oh well,” Sirius says slightly awkward, “The garage is nearby, so. Anyway, is Thai good?”

Remus nods his assent and they walk over to the restaurant. It’s thin, tucked between two larger shops. Inside the lighting is dim, and the decor is in earthy browns.

Despite being in the heart of the city, they are quickly seated. It’s a cosy booth for two people, in the back of the restaurant, away from everyone else.

They put in their order, an appetizer of spring rolls, pad thai for Sirius and red curry for Remus. Once their waiter walks away, Sirius turns to look at Remus.

“I was thinking,” says Sirius, playing with a loose thread on his jeans. “If I’m going to be tattooing you, it’s only fair if you tattoo me too.”

Remus frowns. “What, me? But I’m not really the best artist. It wouldn’t look any good.”

“Anything from you would be good,” Sirius says earnestly. “Even just a line, or a flower or something.”

Remus suddenly realizes that Sirius wants something that reminds him of Remus, when Remus leaves again. The weight of Sirius’s affection is suddenly evident. Sirius misses Remus. Maybe even doesn’t want him to leave again.

“Before I agree to that,” Remus says slowly. “Can I just ask one question?”

Sirius nods. “Anything,” he promises.

“I just don’t get it. Why did you never apologize for thinking I was the traitor? Never reach out once, over the years to say you were sorry?”

Sirius looks down. He’s silent for a moment, before he explains in a quiet voice, “You would have forgiven me.”

“What?”

Sirius looks back up with a tortured look on his face. “If I said I was sorry, you would have forgiven me. Just like every other time I’ve messed up. Everytime I would yell at you. When I accused you of cheating on me. When I told Snape about the Whomping Willow.” His eyes tear up, and his mouth turns down. “Everytime I messed up, I just said I was sorry, and you would forgive me. I was worried that - that you would forgive me even if you weren’t ready. And then you’d grow resentful of me.”

Remus is silent for a minute. Then another.

His entire perspective on the man sitting across from him has shifted. Before, Remus was assuming that Sirius still thought he was justified in assuming Remus was the traitor. But here Sirius was admitting guilt, that he had known he was in the wrong, and wanted to apologize for it. But more than that, he was admitting that he was giving Remus some much needed space.

Remus feels a locked door in the back of his heart unlock and open, revealing a sharp note of fondness for the other man.

Oh.

He hasn’t felt that much love in years.

“Okay.” he says.

Sirius tilts his head, and bites his lip. “Okay?”

“I’ll tattoo you. It’ll be shit though, I’m warning you.”

Sirius’s smile widens. “It’s fine, I have so many tattoos, no one will even notice it,” he says, gesturing to his heavily inked arms under his t-shirt.

Remus’s eyes follow, lingering on the tight bicep muscle. He tries to look at the moon tattoo, but gets caught on the curve of the muscle.

Sirius’s smile twitches in amusement.

Remus clears his throat. “Suppose so,” he agrees.

“Mmm,” Sirius says with a bit of a smirk, leaning forward. “Do you like my tattoos? I’ve gotten a bunch since… since before.”

Remus’s eyes trail back over the tattoos. He looks at the moon, which looks like a little less than half a moon. His hand twitches, as if to touch. Sirius’s eyes dart to Remus’s hand.

“They’re nice,” Remus says in a deep voice. “I like the moon.”

Sirius’s eyes dilate, even as he smirks. “I’ve got another moon too,” he offers. “It’s just covered now.” There’s a mischievous look in his eyes as he says this.

Remus runs his eyes over Sirius’s body, wondering where on his body. Could be on his chest or back, but there were also more interesting choices. Remus imagines it on an inner thigh, right where Remus used to bite and leave marks. His eyes darken.

Sirius and Remus lock eyes over the table, and a sort of understanding sparks between them, as if a message passed between their nervous systems. There’s still attraction there, on both sides.

God, it feels like he’s 16 again.

Remus and Sirius staring at each other over the Gryffindor table in the Great Hall, knowing that they were inevitable. That they would come together and collide in some cosmic act of creation.

A spark flits between them.

Their food comes after a little while longer, and the mood turns casual as they eat together, chatting occasionally throughout.

Eventually, they finish their food and the check comes. Remus reaches for his wallet, but Sirius is faster, snatching the check and sticking a few notes inside.

Remus blinks. “I can pay for half,” he offers.

Sirius shakes his head. “Nah, it’s fine, I got it. Besides, I don’t come to muggle London too often anyway, so I need to use up the muggle money I took out for today.”

Remus narrows his eyes. He knows this is likely an excuse, since Sirius has to come to muggle London for his job. Sirius often did this when they were dating - he would make an excuse to pay because he knew he could afford it, and Remus was struggling to stay afloat.

Remus allows it this time, only because Sirius has already handed the check back to the waiter.

They take a cab back to the Leaky, but instead of flooing, Sirius suggests he’ll side-apparate Remus to the house, so he can see it from the outside for the first time.

Sirius’s house, which he shares with his brother, is a thin, tall gray building. According to James’s earlier letters, Regulus had moved back into 12 Grimmauld Place after their parents were locked up in Azkaban for being supporters of Voldemort. But after a few years, he asked Sirius, who had been living with James and Lily until then, to move into a new place together. James didn’t say, but Remus assumes it was a combination of being too lonely in a big house, and the ghosts that still walked the halls.

It has a sleek, almost modern look that Remus thinks is more Regulus’s influence than Sirius’s. It seems a bit large for two people, but Remus supposes the brothers are both used to luxury.

They enter, and Sirius leads them to a living room. Regulus is in there, sitting in an armchair and reading something. He looks up and then stands up when he notices them.

“What are you doing here?”

“Reg,” Sirius scolds. “Be nice.”

“Sirius just had something to show me,” Remus explains.

“The tattoo ideas, Reg. I told you about them.”

Regulus narrows his eyes at Remus. “You’re actually going to do that?” He asks skeptically. “Get tattooed by my brother?”

Remus shifts uncomfortably, feeling like he’s been put under a microscope as Regulus scrutinizes him. “Yeah,” he says simply.

Regulus glares at him. “Whatever. I’m going to my room,” he leaves the room abruptly.

Sirius sighs. “I’m sorry about him. He’s gotten better, I swear.”

Remus shrugs, “It’s fine. Where are your sketches?”

Sirius picks up some papers from the table. “Here’s the first one,” he says, showing one to Remus.

The first one is a line of three animals, who are running around on the paper and chasing each other. There’s a wolf, a big black dog, and a stag, all playing together.

“You enchanted the paper.”

“I just wanted you to know what it would look like if I enchanted it on your skin. It’s the same charm. And you can always pause it with a tap of your wand, for when you’re around muggles.”

Remus nods, still staring at the animals chasing each other. They seem so carefree, content to stay in this moment of playing around. Padfoot jumps at the Moony then jumps back, wagging his tail. Moony puts his chest down and wags his tail in response. Prongs huffs his nose.

“This is just one I was working on. I thought enchanting the personalities would be fun. Plus, only those who already know would know what it means.” He pulls out another sheet. “Here’s the next one.”

This one is a single animal, a lion with a large mane roaring, then shaking his head and walking in a circle.

Remus snorts. “That’s a no,” he says. “I’m not getting a lion, I’m not that much of a Gryffindor.”

Sirius laughs, “Fair enough. I’ll see if Prongs wants that one.” He pulls out another sheet.

It’s a much smaller piece, just a gently moving one. It’s a mug of tea - Remus presumes it’s tea - sitting next to an open book. The tea steams moves in a hypnotizing way, while the book flips through a few pages randomly.

“That’s nice,” he admits.

“I thought you’d like that one,” Sirius says fondly. “But there’s one more.”

Sirius shows the last one to Remus, and he has to hold back a gasp. The details are incredible, showing a shadowed look at the Hogwarts castle sitting atop the cliff. Windows flicker as if by candlelight, and clouds pass by gently floating in front of the castle.

“Oh,” he says.

“Do you like it?” Sirius asks anxiously.

“It’s gorgeous,” Remus says, eyes glued as the clouds passed by the castle. “God, the details, all of the stones outlined, it’s, Sirius, it’s beautiful.” Remus looks up just in time to see Sirius blush.

“Thank you,” he says, clearing his throat.

“All of them really,” Remus says. “You’re a brilliant artist, you know. Have you thought more about what we talked about? Trying to start a wizarding tattoo shop?”

Sirius bites his lip. “I did look into how much an empty storefront in Diagon Alley would cost to rent. It’s pretty expensive, but if it got enough traffic, it might be worth it.”

“You should do it,” Remus encourages.

Sirius looks down at the sketches in his hand. “Yeah, maybe. I’d want to get an apprenticeship with a muggle shop first, I think, even if it’s not required in the wizarding world. I’ll have to talk to the Ministry, I’m sure there will be a bunch of red tape I’ll need to cross before I can do anything.”

"There probably will be, but it’ll be worth it, if that’s what you really want to do.”

Sirius hesitates a moment before nodding, “Yeah, I think I’m going to do it. I’ll just have to give the garage some notice.” He shakes his head. “Now! Did you like any of these? If you’re not sure, or you want more options, just let me know.”

“The Hogwarts one,” Remus says.

Sirius’s eyebrows fly up. “I could’ve sworn you’d have done the book and tea one,” he says.

Remus shrugs. “Maybe I’m feeling nostalgic.”

Sirius smiles. “Okay. I’ll just need to put in an order for a specific ink color for that one, so it might be a little bit before we can sit down for this.” Sirius chews on his lip as he thinks. “Maybe the day after the party? Or are you planning on leaving that day?”

Remus thinks for less than a moment. “I’ll leave another day. The day after the party works.”

Sirius beams. “Perfect!”

Remus catches himself staring at Sirius, so he shakes his head abruptly. “I should go,” he says.

Sirius looks disappointed, but nods. They say their goodbyes and Remus leaves through the floo.

He steps inside the Potter’s sitting room to see Lily and James sitting on the couch, watching the fireplace.

“And just what do you call this time?” James says, crossing his arms.

Remus frowns, looking down at his wrist. “4 o’clock?” Remus says in a questioning tone.

Lily rolls her eyes. “You’re just later than we expected, James got worried.”

“You were only going shopping for one thing! But it’s been hours!”

Remus lets out a little laugh. “Calm down, Prongs. We went out for lunch afterwards, and then… well we went back to Sirius’s house.”

James’s eyebrows jump up his face.

“Not like that!” Remus is quick to correct. “He just wanted to show me something.”

Lily coughs to hide a laugh, “Oh, I’m sure he wanted to show you something all right.”

Remus glares. “His sketches! For a tattoo.”

“Oh he’s getting another tattoo?” James asks.

Remus shifts his weight. “Well, no. I’m getting a tattoo. By Sirius.”

Lily and James take turns blinking at him. Lily says, “Wow. Remus, that’s a big deal, are you sure you want to do that?”

Remus sighs. “I wouldn’t be doing it if I didn’t want to.”

Lily just looks more worried at this. “It’s just, you tend to have a bit of a blind spot when it comes to Sirius.”

“It’s fine,” Remus says, brushing away her concern. “Besides, weren’t you the one telling me to make up with him? Shouldn’t you be glad?”

Lily frowns. “I want you guys to be friends again, I didn’t say you should go and get tattooed by him.”

“I don’t know, maybe it’s not a bad idea,” James says with a small shrug. “It’ll give you two some time to talk, too.”

Lily cuts a glare at James, and he just smiles at her. She huffs. “Fine, do what you want. What do I know?”

Remus, who had already been planning to do what he wanted, smiles innocently at Lily. “Don’t worry so much about me, I can take care of myself.”

Chapter Text

The rest of the week before the party passes quickly, and chaotically. Now that the kids are back, there’s always someone running around or shouting across the manor. Lily works from home most of the days, though the team James coaches has just started its quidditch season so he’s out of the house more often. The kids are in and out visiting friends. Harry goes to see Ron and Hermione at the Burrow on Monday and Wednesday, and they come over to the manor once as well on Tuesday. Faye goes with her friend Madison (and Madison’s parents) on Tuesday to walk around Diagon Alley and get ice cream at Fortescue’s, and on Wednesday she invites her entire friend group over to the manor, so the manor is teeming with fifth year girls (Remus wisely stays hidden that day). Briar’s friends are invited over on Thursday, where they spend the day chatting and playing games.

Sirius and Regulus come over a few times as well.

Regulus presumably to see his… boyfriend and girlfriend? Partners? Remus should ask what they’re calling it.

And Sirius - well.

Sirius seems to always seek out Remus.

Remus tries not to let it get to his head, but he drinks in the attention that Sirius lathers onto him.

On Thursday, Sirius pops over using the floo. Remus, who had been in the sitting room completely coincidentally, looks up from his book. “Back already?” he asks wryly. Sirius had been by the day before as well, when he had come over with Regulus.

Sirius smiles. “I figured I’d see how the little ones are doing,” he says.

“Briar has some friends over in the game room. Faye is working with Regulus and Lily on her pitch to Dumbledore to free the Hogwarts Elves and keep them on as paid workers if they’d like. And Harry was off flying with James.”

“Mm, they all sound busy,” Sirius says sitting next to Remus on the couch. “What about you, what are you up to?”

Remus raises his book in response.

“Nifflers in the Netherlands?” Sirius reads off the front of the book.

“It’s a theft mystery,” Remus offers. “I think the Niffler did it, which would be a bit obvious.”

Sirius laughs. “Yeah, a bit on the nose,” he agrees.

Remus laughs but before he can respond James and Harry stomp into the room, in their muddy Quidditch clothes.

“No offense dad, but mine would be something cooler, like a lion,” Harry is saying. “Oh, hey Sirius!”

“Hey Prongslet! What’s this about a lion?”

“We were talking about my patronus. Da was saying I'd have a stag like him, but I don't think so.”

“You can’t create a corporeal Patronus?” Remus asks.

Harry shrugs. “Nah. Not like I’d need to. I suppose the messaging thing is neat, but other than that, it’s not really useful.”

“It’s still a good skill to have.” Remus says. “For the messaging, yes, but also as a way to practice your magic. And even to get more attuned to your magic. Knowing what form your patronus takes tells you a lot about yourself and your magic.”

Harry frowns. “I guess.”

“Moony could probably show you how to make a corporeal patronus,” Sirius offers. When Remus cuts him a look, Sirius shrugs. “He helped the rest of us out when we were learning it for a prank.”

“What kind of prank did you need a patronus for?” Harry asks, wrinkling his nose.

Sirius smirks, “That’s marauders business, Harry, you wouldn’t understand.”

In truth, the prank had been on Frank Longbottom and Alice Fortescue. They were known for spending alone time in a specific broom closet on the fifth floor. The marauders each sent a patronus with a message saying something lewd, or inappropriate. Looking back Remus was embarrassed by the prank, but he’s sure Frank and Alice are over it, so he’s not too worried.

Harry shrugs. “Actually, yeah, it’d be cool if you could teach me. I’d like to know what form it takes. Probably something cooler than a stag.”

James makes a loud noise of protest, making the rest of them laugh. “Sure, but you may not be able to manage one” Remus warns. “It is a difficult charm, many adult witches and wizards aren’t able to complete a corporeal one. When do you want to start practicing?”

“Now works for me,” Harry says.

Remus raises an eyebrow, looking at Harry’s dirtied quidditch clothes. “Are you sure you don’t want to clean up first?”

“Oh,” Harry says, looking down as if just remembering he just came in from playing Quidditch. “Yeah, I’ll just be a few minutes.” He darts away.

“Thanks for doing this,” James says.

Remus nods. “It’s good that he’s still interested in learning new charms, even though he’s already done with exams. Not every teenager would be the same.”

James smiles proudly. “That’s all Lily’s influence. And Regulus’s probably, actually. Swots, the both of them,” he says fondly.

“This one too,” Sirius says, elbowing Remus.

Remus scoffs, but doesn’t argue. Truthfully, his mind is drifting, thinking of Sirius’s suggestion that he teach Defense. He was looking forward to teaching Harry the Patronus charm, but that didn’t necessarily mean he’d be good at it.

Harry eventually comes back downstairs, and the four of them decide to head outside for some more space to practice the charm.

As he teaches Harry, his mind goes back to teaching the Marauders the charm for the prank. He shows Harry the wrist movement, and works on the pronunciation, before working on the intention.

“You have to choose a properly happy memory,” Remus instructs. “Something that brings you joy, even in the darkest of moments.”

Harry nods, thinking hard. He doesn’t voice the memory he uses, but he tries the charm a few times, once without anything happening, and the rest he gets a handful of sparks.

“Most often, the difficulty with this charm is finding a suitable memory. Can I ask what memory you’re using?”

“I’m thinking of flying. The wind in my hair as I fly. And the moment that I catch the snitch.”

Remus nods, thinking. “That’s a good memory, and I’m sure it makes you very happy. But maybe something a little warmer? A cozy, happy memory could be most suitable.”

Harry frowns, thinking for a moment before saying, “Expecto Patronum!” A blue shadow comes out of his wand before dissipating. He makes a noise of disappointment.

“That was excellent!” Remus praises.

“But it didn’t stay,” Harry points out.

“No, but it was as close as you’ve ever gotten. I’d say that’s a pretty good try, wouldn’t you?”

Harry shrugs. “Let me try again.” He breathes deeply in then out. “Expecto Patronum!” he says, and this time, a blueish shadow darts out of his wand and flies high into the sky. Remus thinks it’s incorporeal at first, but then the animal becomes clear.

“A bird,” James says.

“I believe it’s a falcon,” Remus says. “A peregrine falcon, if I’m not mistaken.”

It bats its wide wings in powerful gusts, flying around the group before dissipating once more into blue sparks.

“That was very impressive, Harry, good job.” Remus praises.

Harry kicks at the ground. “It was pretty cool. Mione will be impressed. Thanks.”

Remus instinctively seeks out Sirius, who’s smiling at him. Remus can't help but smile back.

Finally, it’s the day before the graduation party. Everyone is running around, cleaning up inside and outside the manor to prepare for the next day. Regulus and Sirius are over as well, helping out around the manor.

As it’s a Friday, the girls come over for the weekly friends dinner. Now that the kids are home, the dinner is even larger, and louder. Marlene and Harry talk about Quidditch, while Faye and Dorcas chat about her fashion line, and Briar tells Mary about the types of dragons they want to work with when they’re older.

While the girls entertain the kids, James, Lily and Regulus chat together, leaving Sirius and Remus in each other’s company, as they sit next to each other at the dinner table.

“So, are you ready for the party tomorrow?” Sirius asks.

“Honestly? I’m a bit nervous,” Remus admits.

Sirius tilts his head, “About what?”

Remus shrugs a shoulder slightly. “There will be a lot of people there. And plenty of people I haven’t seen in years, who will probably all remark on the fact that we haven’t seen each other in years.”

“Yeah, that sounds exhausting,” Sirius agrees. He leans in closer to Remus. “Tell you what, if you ever get overwhelmed by all the people tomorrow, come find me, and we can hide inside somewhere or something.”

Remus smiles, “Yeah, alright,” he says softly.

If Remus thought things were chaotic before, he wasn’t prepared for the day of the graduation party. Lily and James were running around, ordering everyone to complete tasks. The main party was planned to be outside, so they were focused on setting up tables for food and drinks in the backyard, and putting up the decor Sirius and Remus had bought.

The caterer came that morning, bringing about as much food as the welcoming feast at Hogwarts. Regulus worked with them to set up all the food on the tables. A florist also came by to bring some flowers for decorations, setting them up as Lily directed. It was fancier than any wedding than Remus had been to.

The kids were blowing up balloons, while Remus and Sirius were told to go out and buy out the local wizarding liquor shop.

They walk down to the nearby town with a cart that James provides bumping along the uneven road behind them. “It’s kind of nice to get out of the house,” Sirius says, stretching his shoulders. “If Prongs asked me to do one more thing I think I would have screamed at him.”

Remus laughs. “He just wants everything to be perfect for Harry’s party.”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s really sweet,” Sirius says, rolling his eyes.

They enter the liquor store, which is lined with different liquors, wines, and beer. They grab a little bit of everything, plus some mixers and non-alcoholic drinks to bring back, filling up the cart they brought.

The cashier raises his eyebrows at the amount of drinks they’re purchasing, but doesn’t say anything as he scans all of them, spitting out the total. Sirius hands over some galleons and they walk away with their cart of drinks.

“So, have you thought about where you want your new tattoo?” Sirius asks. “I already have the new ink, so I should be all ready for tomorrow.”

Was it really tomorrow that he would be tattooed by Sirius Black? It didn’t quite feel real yet. “I’m not sure,” he admits. “Maybe on my stomach?” He points to a place on the right side of his lower stomach.

Sirius hums. “Sure, though that placement can be a bit painful. If you’re looking for the least painful spots, your upper arm might be a good spot.”

“Yeah, but it would be easier to hide on my stomach. I have enough trouble getting jobs as it is, I don’t want to worry about a tattoo being the reason I’m not hired for something.”

“Fair enough,” Sirius agrees with a frown.

They head back up to the manor, the cart bumping along behind them. When they make it back, they bring the liquor out back to a table that’s been set up for it, and place all of the bottles on top of the table.

Eventually, they’ve got everything all set up, and are just waiting for guests to arrive. They have signs set up directing people to come directly into the backyard.

After they all gather together in the yard, Lily brushes hair out of Harry’s face. “Okay honey,” she says. “We are so proud of you and everything you’ve accomplished. And to celebrate you, we got you a gift.” Lily gestures, and James steps up, holding a large present. It’s wrapped, but the shape is obvious.

Harry gasps. “Oh please tell me that’s the new Gilded Ghost broom.” He reaches for it and makes quick work of unwrapping it, letting the paper fall to the ground before Regulus vanishes it.

The broom is polished and the brown wood sparkles in the sunlight. The bristles are held together by golden metal that attaches the bristles to the handle. It’s an impressive broom, even to Remus who hasn’t really kept up with the latest racing brooms.

Harry gasps and traces a careful hand up the length of the broom. “Oh Merlin, I love you both so much!” He carefully holds on to the broom even as he reaches for his parents for a group hug.

“Remus and I got something for you as well, Prongslet.” Sirius says with a big grin. Remus startles at hearing his own name. He hadn’t gotten Harry a gift, which he is now realizing he probably should have, but he hadn’t anticipated Sirius saying the leather jacket was from the both of them.

Harry carefully hands the broom to his father before he opens the package Sirius hands him and gasps again. “My own leather jacket! That’s so cool!” He pulls the jacket on immediately, despite the warm weather.

He hugs Sirius in thanks, and hesitates only momentarily before pulling Remus into a hug as well. Remus softens, patting a soft hand to Harry’s back before Harry moves away.

“I also got you something,” Regulus says, hesitantly. “It’s well. Here,” he offers Harry a thin, book-like object covered in green wrapping paper.

Harry opens it, less enthusiastically, as he likely anticipates it to be some kind of book. He frowns when he sees it though, opening the cover of the page to see blank pages. “It’s empty,” he says, confused.

“It’s a scrapbook, for your travels.”

Harry frowns. “What travels?”

Regulus bites his lip nervously. “Well, I talked to your parents, as well as Ron and Hermione’s parents and they all agreed. I’m paying for the three of you to take a month-long trip across Europe before your Quidditch season starts. There’s a portkey for you that leaves on Monday, if you want.”

Harry’s jaw drops. “Are you serious!?” he demands.

“No, that’s my brother,” Regulus deadpans.

Harry laughs and jumps up and down. “Merlin’s fucking beard that’s so cool! I can’t wait to tell Ron and Mione!” He jumps into Regulus' arms, hugging him tight. “Thank you so much Regulus!”

“Actually,” James says, “There’s one more thing we wanted to tell you, before you leave. You two as well, Faye and Briar.” He looks nervously between Regulus and Lily, and Remus realizes this is the moment.

Remus glances at Sirius, who winks at him.

“The three of us have talked, Regulus, Lily, and I, I mean. And we’re going to be in a relationship together. The three of us.”

There’s silence for a moment.

“Does that mean we should call you dad now?” Faye asks.

Regulus shakes his head. “You can still call me Regulus, or whatever you’re comfortable with. I know this must be a surprise to you, but -”

“Not really,” Briar says.

“Yeah, you three have been kind of obvious,” Harry agrees.

Sirius stifles a laugh, even as the throuple look stunned. “So you’re all okay with this?” Lily asks.

Faye shrugs, “Yeah, we like Regulus.”

Regulus lets out a breath, and sags, as if a huge weight has been taken off of him. “Well, I like the three of you as well,” he says with a small smile.

“Just so you know,” Faye says. “I’m expecting the same month-long trip that you’re gifting Harry when I graduate.” The adults all laugh, even as Faye insists she’s not joking.

Eventually, guests start to arrive. Hagrid is the first to arrive, along with a kneazle that he brought for Harry.

The Weasley’s arrive soon after, bringing along the Granger’s as well. Molly hands Harry a present, which ends up being a book of household charms for practical use. After, Harry quickly disappears with Hermione and Ron, telling them about the Europe trip. Ron says, “Bloody Hell!” while Hermione asks questions before starting to verbally plan out the best route. Briar immediately latches on to Charlie, asking about the Romanian reserve.

Slowly, more people start arriving, and soon enough the party is in full swing.

Remus loses sight of Sirius when Frank and Alice come over and introduce Remus to their muggle neighbors, the Langs. Remus talks politely with them, and they express a few times their amazement at the decorations, specifically the streamers that are hanging up by magic, not attached to anything.

Remus sees Benjy across the yard, but decides not to say hi quite yet. Maybe later. He excuses himself from the Langs and Longbottoms to grab himself a drink. There he bumps into Monty and Effie Potter.

“Remus Lupin, as I live and breath!” Effie says, pulling Remus immediately into a hug. Effie’s hugs are always warm, even though he has to crouch over to meet the shorter woman.

Monty reaches out and grasps Remus by the shoulder. “Always a pleasure, son.” he says in a gruff voice.

“Effie, Monty, it’s great to see you both,” Remus says, and he means it, even through the chasm of 16 years. The Potter’s have always been kind to him, opening their home and hearts to him whenever he needed it.

“I can’t believe my firstborn grandson has graduated Hogwarts already,” Effie confesses. “I remember the day he was born. Heck, I remember the day James was born like it was yesterday!” she laughs.

Remus smiles. “He’s a good kid,” Remus offers. “Smart too. I taught him to cast a corporeal Patronus the other day, it only took him a few tries.”

Effie gasps, “Oh, really! That’s excellent.” Then she gives him a wry smile, “Weren’t you the troublemaker who taught my sons that charm as well? I remember the summer after they learnt it, they spent all summer sending messages to each other and to us. ‘I’ll be downstairs for dinner in a minute mum!’ or ‘Do we have anymore shampoo?’”

The three of them laugh. “Yeah, that was unfortunately my fault as well.”

“You know,” Monty says. “I hear the Defense Against the Dark Arts position at Hogwarts is hiring.”

“Oh, yes, I’ve heard as well,” Remus says. “Hopefully they find someone.”

“Have you thought of applying?” Monty presses.

“Me?” Remus blinks. “Oh no, I’m still living in New York, I’m just here to visit.” He thinks of the small fourth floor flat he calls home back in New York, with its garish white walls and sparsely decorated living room.

Effie presses a hand to Monty’s back. “Of course, dear. Tell us more about your time in New York! Monty and I went to visit one time, but I’m sure we only saw the touristy spots.” She laughs.

Remus chats with them for a little while longer until Effie excuses them to chase down their grandchildren. Remus runs into Poppy and Minnie next and chats with them for a while.

The party continues in a similar fashion, Remus moving from group to group, and everyone exclaiming how long it’s been since they’ve seen him, or asking after New York. After having a long talk with Caradoc Dearborn about the number of missives that get thrown around the Ministry, Remus excuses himself to get yet another drink.

He’s not drunk, but feeling pleasantly warm and tipsy when old Bathilda Bagshot finds him. “Remus Lupin, is that really you! Look at you, all grown up!” she exclaims.

Bathilda Bagshot was a previous neighbor of Lily’s, and a friend of Albus’s though she wasn’t in the Order itself, she did some work with them.

“Yes, well,” Remus says. “I’m just here to visit for the party.”

“Oh that’s too bad, you know, I was just talking to Lily and she was just saying how nice it’s been since you’ve come up to visit. Are you sure you won’t stay for a little while longer?”

“No, I’ll be leaving in the next few days,” Remus says with a grimace. He looks around, as if for an escape.

Bathilda says, “Well, it must be nice to go out and travel for a bit, but at some point you’ve got to come home, you know.”

Remus forces himself to smile and nod as the woman continues. He glances around once more, and his eyes catch on Sirius, who’s mid conversation with Marlene. He looks up, as if he can sense Remus’s eyes on him, and they catch gazes. Sirius looks at Remus’s talking partner and smirks, then he jerks his head towards the manor and starts walking that way.

“Excuse me,” Remus says, cutting off whatever Bathilda was saying. He doesn’t give any more of an excuse, not caring if he’s seen as rude, and walks towards the manor with Sirius.

“You and old Bagshot have a fun chat?” Sirius teases when they both reach the manor. Sirius opens the door, and gestures for Remus to enter first. They first enter the mudroom, but Sirius leads them towards the kitchen. Remus follows blindly.

“Yeah, she’s a thrilling talking partner.” Remus says dryly.

Sirius laughs. “Are you at least having a good time overall?”

“I am now,” Remus says without thinking about it.

Sirius shoots him a sly look. “Well, you’re about to have even more fun,” Sirius says. He opens a cabinet and pulls out a bottle of firewhiskey. “I stuck a bottle in here while no one was looking,” he admits.

“Thank god,” Remus says. “Pour me a drink.”

Sirius grins and turns around to open another cupboard. He raises up on his tip toes to reach the top shelf where the glasses are. As he’s reaching, his shirt lifts up slightly, revealing a sliver of skin right above his leather pants. Remus’s eyes are immediately drawn towards it, but he gasps when he sees the ink there. One tattoo, a single word as a tramp stamp on Sirius’s lower back.

Moony.

I’ve got another moon too, Sirius had said the other day, with that mischievous look. It’s just covered now.

Bloody hell, was that what he meant? A tramp stamp right above his arse with Remus’s nickname?

Remus walks forward towards Sirius as if in a trance. He corners Sirius, puts one hand on Sirius’s hip, and the other on the skin of the tattoo.

Sirius lets out a gasp and freezes in place, his back to Remus. “Moony?” he asks, breathlessly.

“What’s this?” Remus asks, tracing the tattoo along Sirius’s skin. Sirius shivers imperceptibly.

“Oh,” he says, only slightly sheepishly. “That.”

“Yes, that.”

“Do you like it? I always imagined you would, possessive bastard you are.”

Remus’s nostrils flared. “When did you get it?”

Sirius shrugs, slightly awkwardly in their current position with Remus crowded up behind him, him facing the counter. “A couple years after the war, maybe? You never answered my question. Do you like it?”

“Yeah,” Remus says, voice hoarse, still tracing the word with his hand, possessively. “I like it.” Abruptly he pulls back. Sirius turns around to look at him, and Remus steps into his space once more, leg sliding in between Sirius’s, and pushing Sirius so his back is against the counter. Sirius’s breath hitches. Remus puts his mouth to Sirius’s ear, “I really like it,” he confesses in a whisper, before mouthing down Sirius’s neck.

Sirius lets out a gasping breath and bares his throat for Remus, so Remus continues, before pulling away from his throat and bringing his lips in front of Sirius’s. He pauses, not quite connecting their lips.

“Remus,” Sirius breathes out. “Please.”

There’s a moment where their breath intermingles.

There’s a thousand reasons why this is not a good idea.

But Remus isn’t thinking of those. All he can think of is a familiar mantra.

Sirius Sirius Sirius Sirius Sirius

Remus presses forward and connects their lips in a cosmic explosion. Sirius presses back immediately and soon his tongue is in Remus’s mouth, playfully pressing against Remus’s own. Remus lifts Sirius up and places him so he’s sitting on the counter. Their lips disconnect for only a second but they hungrily return to each other. Remus’s hands are on Sirius’s face, then his shoulders, sides, wherever he can touch, he does. Sirius’ hands stay steady on Remus’s sides, squeezing and holding him close as if afraid he’ll float away.

They continue like that for minutes, hours, days. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been, because it’s Remus and Sirius, come together again.

Eventually Remus pulls away just far enough to say, “Come upstairs with me?”

Sirius looks up at him with wide eyes, “Yeah?” he asks.

Remus lifts Sirius off of the counter in response, and Sirius lets out a startled laugh. He’d like to carry him all the way up the stairs if he could, but his back and his hip protest, so he sets the other man down, and pulls him by his hand towards the stairs. They walk together, intermittently stopping for Remus to push Sirius against a wall and snog him senseless.

Somehow, they make it upstairs after repeated delays. Sirius looks around the room briefly, but Remus quickly distracts him.

Clothes quickly come off, and then Remus pushes Sirius down on the bed. He looks down at Sirius for a second, who's lying on the bed, legs already open and hair spread around his head like a halo. "Remus," Sirius says breathlessly. And then Remus descends.

After, they lay down half on top of each other. It feels soft and easy.

Sirius curls into a ball and presses into Remus’s side. “I’m so glad you came back,” he murmurs into Remus’s side.

A curl of unease settles in Remus’s stomach, even as he absently strokes Sirius’s arms. “I’m only back for the party. I’ll be leaving in a few days.”

“Well yeah,” Sirius says with a smile. “But you’ll come back to visit. Maybe Christmas? And I can come over to visit you, too.”

Oh.

Oh no.

Remus realizes he’s made a huge mistake. He extracts himself from Sirius’s embrace, even as Sirius frowns at him. “Sirius,” Remus says slowly. “This, this can’t happen again.”

Sirius blinks. “What do you mean?” When Remus doesn’t respond immediately, Sirius continues in a louder voice, “Remus? What do you mean?”

“I mean, this is a one time thing. I don’t know when I’ll come back here, but I - I don’t want you to come visit me.”

Sirius sucks in a breath. “Oh,” he says, void of emotion, and it’s the worst sound Remus has heard in his entire life, and he’s heard the sound of his own bones snapping regularly.

“I’m sorry, I really didn’t mean to give you the wrong idea,” Remus says, standing up and quickly gathering his clothes

“The wrong idea,” Sirius repeats. He sits up in bed and watches Remus gather his clothes. His face is carefully blank, and Remus hates it. “No, I think I get it. You wanted a fuck.”

Remus winces as he pulls on his pants. “That’s not - we can still be friends,” he says, then hates himself for it. He pulls on his trousers and shirt next.

“Friends.” Sirius says the word hollowly, as if he doesn’t know what it means. “Friends who used to fuck? Friends who used to live together? Friends who used to talk about getting married? How the fuck are we supposed to do that Remus?”

“I don’t know!” Remus snaps back.

“Do you want me in your life or not?” Sirius demands.

“That’s never been the issue.”

“Then what!” Sirius yells. “What is the issue! Tell me and I’ll fix it. Tell me what I’m doing wrong and I’ll work on it. Just don’t leave again!”

Remus shakes his head. “I don’t - I don’t know - I have to go.” Remus, now completely clothed, slips out the door, clicking it closed behind him.

He takes a minute to himself in the bathroom, but doesn’t want to run into Sirius, and so he quickly slips back outside to the party. It’s a bit surreal, to see everyone meandering as if Remus’s entire world hadn’t just shattered before his eyes.

Because that’s what Sirius was. Remus’s world. His star. And Remus had just shattered him.

He forces a smile on his face when he sees James approaching him. “There you are!” James says, slapping a hand on Remus’s shoulder. “I’ve been looking for you. And Pads too, have you seen him?”

“Nope,” Remus says, as casually as he can manage at the moment.

James just hums. “Maybe he’s inside. Ah well, he’ll show up soon enough. We’re doing photos soon, Arnold Creevy is here and offered to take some.”

The door to the manor slides open and out steps Sirius. He looks put together, though his face is unreadable.

“Ah, there he is,” James says, following Remus’s gaze. “Pads!” James shouts, and gestures him over.

Sirius glances at them, before grinning at James and walking over. Remus can feel his heart thudding in his chest. “What’s up?” Sirius asks once he’s close enough.

“I’ve been looking for you for at least half an hour! What were you doing, hiding inside?”

“Something like that,” Sirius says with a smile plastered on his face. Remus recognizes it. It’s one of his obviously fake smiles that he uses when he doesn’t want others to know that he’s upset.

James frowns, obviously recognizing it as well, but continues, “Anyway, we’re taking photos now, come on.” James drags them both over to where a few others have gathered in front of the garden. Arnold Creevy was there. He went to Hogwarts with the marauders, and was now a photographer for the Daily Prophet. Arnold was directing the Potter family, Regulus, Dorcas, Marlene and Mary on where to sit.

“Figured we’d get some of just the family first,” James says. “Then we’ll invite everyone.”

Remus realizes with a start that he’s included as a part of the family. He glances at Sirius, whose jaw has clenched, but he’s still smiling. “Sounds good,” he says.

Arnold shuffles them around a few times, and Remus ends up in the back next to James and Sirius. They smile for the pictures, and Remus has never felt as fake as he does now. Once, his arm brushes against Sirius’s, and Sirius jerks his arm away.

After a few pictures, James uses Sonorus to gather everyone’s attention and call them over to take a picture. They shuffle over and everyone is pressed close together. Sirius’s arm is now pressed against Remus, and held there the entire time they have to pretend to smile for the camera.

Remus wants to say something, anything, but he doesn’t know what. What could he possibly say?

Eventually Arnold concludes, and the party goers all spread out again.

Remus makes a beeline for the drinks table and grabs a beer. He wishes he had something stronger, then remembers they never ended up drinking the firewhisky in the kitchen. He wonders if Sirius put it away, but then he starts thinking about Sirius, and the way he writhed underneath Remus earlier -

No. Remus had to stop that line of thinking. He takes another sip of his beer.

It’s just Remus’s luck that the next person who comes up to talk to him is Benjy.

“Hey,” Benjy says awkwardly, running a hand through his hair.

“Hi,” Remus says. He glances around himself, and catches eyes with Sirius, who’s watching the two of them with a sardonic look on his face. Remus swallows, looking back to Benjy. “What’s up?”

“I just wanted to apologize. I don’t really like how we left things, you know?”

Remus smiles slightly. “I’m sorry too.”

“Friends?” Benjy asks, placing a hand out for Remus.

Remus takes it, and they shake hands.

They talk together for another few minutes, before Caradoc comes over and joins them. Eventually Mary joins as well, and then the rest of Friday night dinner crew. Even Sirius comes over, though he stays on the other side of the group from Remus.

Remus falls silent, just listening to the group of friends talk and laugh together. After a little while, he slips away, and into the house.

He goes upstairs, and enters his room. He looks around at the room that the Potter’s had kept for him, the David Bowie poster, the record player, the unmade bed.

And then Remus packs his things.

He sneaks out the front door, as everyone is in the back he runs into no one. With his luggage in tow, he heads to the Portkey department of the ministry, grabbing a last minute portkey to New York.

Chapter Text

It takes two weeks for Remus to find a new job.

He doesn’t have to worry about paying his rent, a day after the party James sent enough money to cover three months rent. There’s a note on it that says, “Let me know if you need more.”

He didn’t send a letter. Hasn’t since Remus got back. Remus sent one to say he had a new job, but hadn’t heard back.

Lily had sent a letter, just a short thing saying everyone missed him, but she understood he needed the space. Remus wasn’t sure it was true, but he appreciated the sentiment.

Remus avoids Jared, making sure not to leave his flat at the same time as the other man. It’s nothing against him personally, but Remus can’t handle the thought of anyone looking at him in a slightly romantic way right now.

Remus’s new job is selling insurance. No, not very interesting, and not a field he wanted to get into, but it pays the bills. Or will hopefully pay the bills, when he starts on Monday.

He thinks about the Defense job at Hogwarts that Sirius and Fleamont had encouraged him to apply for, and daydreams about what that would be like.

But it’s just that - a daydream.

He spends his days going through the motions without feeling much of anything. He meets up once with his friends from a previous job, but he feels awkward, and out of place. He leaves early, and no one asks him to stay longer.

Two weeks after Remus starts his new job, someone knocks at his apartment door. Thinking Jared has gotten tired of Remus ignoring him, Remus stands, patting down his trousers and shirt. He opens the door.

Sirius stands before him.

Remus isn’t as surprised as he should be. There was no way Sirius would let him run away twice.

Sirius shifts in the doorway. “Can I come inside?” he asks.

Remus opens the door wider and steps back, wordlessly allowing Sirius to enter. Sirius looks around curiously at the empty beige walls before walking to the little living room area and settling down on the couch.

“Homey,” Sirius says, which feels like a dig, considering the undecorated state of Remus’s flat.

Remus sits down on the other side of the couch. “Why are you here?” he asks quietly.

“Why do you think, Remus?” Sirius says tiredly, turning to look at him.

Remus swallows, “Look, I’m sorry, I thought we were on the same page, that it would be a one time thing.”

“You’re kidding right?” Sirius demands. “You’re actually joking. Because there’s no fucking way you thought I only wanted a one night stand from you.”

Remus rubs a hand across his face. “Sirius we haven’t talked about anything, how could I have known that?”

“Fine! You wanna talk? Let’s talk. How the fuck could you just leave me like that?”

Remus grits his teeth, “Sirius, we had both been drinking, we hadn’t talked about our past, I think we can agree it wasn’t a good idea.”

Sirius shakes his head. “Not after the party. Though, yeah, maybe that too, But I meant the first time. You just left Remus. And I get it okay, I fucked up. I ruined everything, it was my fault. But you left me.” Sirius’s eyes well with unshed tears.

Remus shakes his head. “If you have to ask, you don’t get it, Sirius. I couldn’t stand to be there for another second. Not after everything that happened.”

“So what, you decide to leave without telling me? Forget all about me and everything we’ve been through?”

“You think I forgot about you?” Remus says, anger rising. “Every day I wake up and think about you, and then go to sleep and dream of you. You are imprinted on my soul! That’s why it hurt so much, that you thought I was capable of being the spy, of putting Lily, James, and baby Harry in danger! Every time I look at you my heart breaks all over again!”

Sirius rears back, his mouth snapping closed.

Remus continues quietly, “I spent my whole life feeling like a monster. My Hogwarts years I spent feeling like a wolf in sheep’s clothing when I was hiding my lycanthropy. The only time I didn’t was with you. You made me feel human, for the first time in my life.” Remus looks down, away from Sirius. “So when you thought I was the spy, with no proof other than me being a werewolf - You made me feel like a monster, Sirius, and I'm so tired of feeling like a monster.”

Sirius eyes well with tears. “I'm sorry,” he says. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I will never be able to express how sorry I am, how wrong I was for thinking you were the traitor. But please Remus, please believe me when I say I have never seen you as a monster.”

Remus scoffs. “Not even when you sent Snape to find me under the Whomping Willow?”

Sirius winces. “I’m sorry for that as well. I was thinking of nothing but revenge when I did that, and that wasn’t fair to you. But please, even then, I never thought of you as a monster.”

Remus shakes his head, laughing harshly. “Sirius, I am a monster. Rated five X, if you’ll remember. There’s no amount of wishful thinking that will change that.”

Sirius reaches forward across the couch, takes one of Remus’s hands in his own. Remus sighs, letting him, the weight a familiar comfort in his hand. “Remus,” Sirius says earnestly, squeezing his hand. “You are not, have never been a monster. I promise you that. If anything, I’m the monster. When you are the wolf, you are out of your control, that is not your fault. And even then, you do everything in your power to not lose control, caging yourself up when you were younger, and taking Wolfsbane now. But me? I have no excuse for the harm I have caused. I have no curse to hide behind.”

“You do,” Remus says, quietly. “Your accursed family. How they treated you during your formative years, it was enough to drive anyone mad.”

“Perhaps I am,” Sirius says with a sad smile. “Mad.”

Remus shakes his head. “No, not you. You took that family and you turned it on its head. Ensured everyone but you, Regulus, and Andromeda were put in Azkaban.”

“May they rot there,” Sirius mutters.

“You took the pain and suffering they gave you and turned it into something beautiful.”

Sirius swallows, and he looks close to tears again. “Remus,” he says, “Remus I can’t live without you. I tried these past years. I’ve been alive, but I haven’t lived. Please, please, please. I’m begging you. Please don’t leave and never come to Britain again. At least come to visit. I can - we can be friends, if that’s what you want.”

“Sirius,” Remus says, looking at the other man, still holding his hand. “Sirius, you were right. How can we possibly be friends? I tried, during that month, to be your friend. Look how it turned out. No, we were not made to be friends.”

Sirius scrambles off the couch suddenly, and then he is kneeling beneath Remus, and has grasped both of his hands in his own. “Remus, please,” Sirius says says with wide, sad eyes, and won’t let go of Remus’s hands even as Remus attempts to pull them away. “Please don’t do this. We can be in each other’s lives. We can figure it out. I can’t bear to be without you any longer.”

“Sirius.” Remus says, “Get up. I told you, I can’t be your friend.”

“Tell me,” Sirius says, still kneeling. “Tell me you want me out of your life forever and I’ll go. But don’t lie to me. Only tell me the truth.”

Remus is silent.

“Tell me you feel different from me,” Sirius insists, clasping Remus’s hand in his own. “Tell me you felt any less wretched than I did these past years without you. Tell me you love me any less than 16 years ago and I’ll leave.”

Remus hesitates. “Sirius…”

“Yes, Moony?” Sirius looks up at him with a mix of hope and fear in his eyes.

Remus hates it, he realizes. He doesn’t want Sirius to look at him in fear. “Please, get off your knees,” Remus says quietly.

Sirius shakes his head. “Not until you answer me.”

Remus removes his right hand from Sirius’s grasp and places it on Sirius’s face, cradling him. Tears well in his eyes. “Oh, you silly man. I have loved you every day since we were 15. Of course I can’t tell you to leave. Of course I can’t say I don’t love you anymore. I have always, will always love you.”

Sirius lets out a gasping breath, and finally allows Remus to lift him back up on the couch. They do not separate, sitting much closer now than before. “I love you,” Sirius says. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

“And I love you,” Remus says, because maybe it truly is as simple as that.

“I know you love New York,” Sirius says. “I’ll move here for you. I can get a license and become a tattoo artist.” Remus starts to shake his head, and Sirius grips his hand harder. “Please don’t say no, we’ve just covered that I cannot live without you any longer.”

“No, Sirius, I’m not saying no. But I need to confess something,” Remus takes a steadying breath. “I hate New York. It’s much worse than London, truly. It’s loud, and it smells, and the people are so rude. Not to mention, all of my old friends aren’t here.”

Sirius blinks. “Then, what? Where does that leave us?”

Remus smiles, and it finally feels like everything is falling into place, like he can breath for the first time in 16 years. “I’ll return to Britain. Maybe I can apply for the Defense Against the Dark Arts position at Hogwarts. If I get it, I’ll get a flat - alone - in Hogsmeade, and you can come to visit. Then maybe, we can try again.”

Sirius bites his lip. “Is now a good time to tell you I’ve always fantasized about you roleplaying a professor?”

Remus laughs.

Maybe they would be alright after all.