Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

 Hilda’s day started in the same way most of them did. She woke up as the last person in the castle, at least that’s what she learned to assume after constant scolding from her retainer, always stiff as stick in the mud, trying to put her up to the standard of a perfect royal lady that she clearly wasn’t.

 The wonderful silks of the bed invited her back to more leisure. Her father always liked to spoil her, so even basic commodities like that were of the highest quality. The problem was that Hilda’s lazy attitude got only worse because of it. Eventually though her growling stomach persuaded her to climb out of what was possibly one of her favorite places in the entire world. 

 She went to her personal bathroom, another one of the wonders she got used to, to freshen herself up. She brushed her hair herself and put it up into ponytails, to make sure to look decently. She didn’t really care about others' opinions, her status of nobility allowed her for that, but appearance was something she valued, not for others, but for her own satisfaction. 

 Hilda went into her small dressing room, filled with all sorts of clothes, most of them either came back from laundry yesterday or weren’t put on in a long time, which gave them a feeling of freshness. She put on what she considered casual clothes with a lot of pink accents and headed out.

 She went out of her room and the first thing she noticed was a pair of servants, standing in front of her doors. A boy and a girl (she couldn’t recall their names for her life), both clearly nervous and looking at each other as if to avoid what was in front of them. Opening the door startled them, which made both of them look pretty cute, in Hilda's opinion.

“Umm…”, the boy tried to mutter some words, but the stress of standing in front of their employer’s ‘unpredictable’, as her retainer called her a few times, daughter clearly was too strong, so she decided to take the lead. 

“Hey, guys~. Need anything?”, she said in her typical manner, a smile appearing on her face on instinct.

“Mister Ludwig told us to wake up the princess”, the girl said, encouraged by Hilda’s easy-going demeanour. “But that seems to… be taken care of”.

“Breakfast is waiting. In the dining room”, the boy added, still nervous.

“Oh, thanks for the notice, I’ll be right there. By the way, where is Ludwig now?”. Usually it was him, to come and scold her and she was sure he wouldn’t miss out on any opportunity to do that, unless something stopped him.

“He’s busy introducing new servants to their duties at the castle. The headmaid asked him to take it after her”, the girl said, seemingly loosened up.

That brought Hilda’s interest. She didn't know there was someone new being hired. But it was strange, always before Ludwig at least mentioned something to her, mainly to tell her ‘to behave and not discourage the new employees’. Why didn’t he say anything now? Does he think that she’s not even trustworthy enough to tell her anything? That she will cause problems if there’s any chance for it?

If that's how he sees her then fine, who cares. But she will play around with him a bit, since she got an opportunity.

“Interesting… and where are they exactly? I have something I needed to ask him”. The question seemed to scare the pair. It was something they clearly weren’t supposed to tell her, but at the same time, how could they refuse the princess? 

“Well, he…” the girl started, but her companion stepped in.

“They… are being shown around… the working areas, I mean”, the other one looked at him with disapproval, but quickly hid it, before Hilda.

“Thank you sooo much, you’re just lovely, I’ll go search for them, see you later!”, she said in one breath and headed downstairs.

***

She wandered around the castle, not knowing where to go. The directions weren't clear at all, most of the castle had some areas that could be shown to the nebbies. Even if they were only going through the most vital ones, it wouldn’t help her, since Hilda didn't know which were that.

She decided to head to the dining room, partially wanting to give up on her plan, her determination going away with every moment, but also hoping she’ll get lucky and find Ludwig at this last stop. To her disappointment the dining room was filled with overwhelming emptiness, usual for what was almost afternoon. The masterful paintings on the walls, a fireplace filled with beautiful ornaments and large windows with a view on the carefully kept garden only deepened the feeling. The only things present were a couple of plates of breakfast growing cold. The older she got, the more she grew to hate the loneliness of this room. 

She was about to sit down and admit defeat, when she heard a familiar voice. Next to the dining room was the kitchen and behind the closed doors she could hear her retainer and his usual lecturing tone. He probably enjoyed it, bossing people around, she always assumed that was the reason he still didn’t give up on his position, besides not wanting to upset the king that put so much trust in him, by giving his beloved daughter into his hands.

Hilda went slowly and silently in the direction of doors, trying to contain the excitement. When she reached them she put her hand on the handle, took a deep breath and counted to three. Then she stormed in. 

“Ludwig! Explain yourself!”, she shouted, after opening the doors wide open. She was just now able to see the interior. She wasn’t here often, but during the years not much has changed. Contrary to the previous room this one was focused on functionality. Simple brick walls didn’t have any decorations, since all of the space was taken with shelves. The same went for the rest of the room, it was large, but every nook and cranny was taken advantage of, either by being a place of stacking up a large amount of cooking pots or a temporary collection of different spices. A large number of people were going here and there, working on today’s dinner, most of them now frozen up, looking in her direction. 

And of course there was her retainer - Ludwig. A middle-aged man, whose head was losing more and more of his ginger hair with every passing day. She was wondering if it was an inherent trait of his or was he pulling them out to relieve the stress of having to put up with her. To compensate he grew a fairly well taken care mustache, that initially was supposed to be a full beard, but he apparently wasn't gifted enough in terms of facial hair. Right now his face was slowly turning from shocked to furious, to Hilda’s content. There was another thing that suddenly caught her attention standing right next to him, but before she got time to focus her retainer spoke.

“What… is the matter… princess?”, he asked through clenched teeth, trying to contain himself around the new servants (the rest of the castle knew very well what kind of relationship these two had, lots of cooks in the room came back to work, thinking of it as just another day at work).

“I should be asking you. Why didn’t you notice me about the new servants in our castle?”, thanks to years of practice she was able to keep a serious and harsh demeanor, even if all of it was just a joke to her. “And the two you send to me? What did you tell them to be so afraid of? I swear, that boy looked like he was about to faint…”.

It was such a delight for her to watch slight shifts in the tones of red that went through her retainer's face with each word. She just hoped the nebbies won't be too scared of their job now. While Ludwig was trying to stay cool and formulate a response, she took a glimpse at the ones he was giving a tour. 

What caught her attention before, as well as now was one of the new girls. She had hair in a beautiful shade of blue and braided in an elegant way. That was something really unexpected - most of the commoners had rather plain hair colors and the more striking ones, like her family's pink, were a sign of noble heritage. Could she be related to one of the noble families? Not directly, of course, otherwise she wouldn’t be working as a servant, but maybe one of her ancestors had some noble blood, perhaps a child from an affair, and the hair color appeared after a few generations. At least that's how such cases were usually explained.

Before she knew it Hilda started to gaze over her. She was quite tall for a lady and that was without any heels, that a lot of maids liked to wear. Besides that though her attire was the same you would expect of any woman working here: a simple black and white dress, in this girl’s case a rather long one. 

Hilda was suddenly snapped back to reality, when Ludwig managed to find a tongue in his mouth and enough self-control to keep the manners. His usually stiff posture got somehow even more proper, as he started to articulate his response, looking her directly in the eyes.

“I’m sorry, dear Princess. The last days have been full of work and noticing you must have slipped my mind, especially since you don’t usually take interest in such matters. I still am sincerely sorry though. And as for the two that were tasked with waking you up from usual slumber, I’m not exactly sure what to tell you. But perhaps your presence intimated them? After all, you are a royal, it can be a lot of stress for commoners to interact with you. You should remember that more often”.

That old snake… spinning the conversation around, so that she looks like a fool instead of him… She started to regret this little joke. She of course didn't care about the new ones opinions on her, but humiliation by Ludwig’s hands was out of the question. Luckily she had an idea, how to keep her face.

“Yeah, I guess because you spend too much time around me (the phrasing was very purposeful) I just tend to forget how others here look at me… Maybe we can start working on it, by sharing introductions with our new staff?”. She was sure he wouldn’t oppose it since he would look bad on it. Besides she was “representing the royal family”, as he repeated her way too often, so he couldn’t waste a chance to make his rulers look open and warm for their subjects.

“Why of course”, he said, still slightly nervous. He turned his head to the group: “Ekhem… If you would like to introduce yourselves to our dear princess…”. Now not only was the power balance evened out, she also got a chance to know more about the one that intrigued her. However, looking at how confused all of them were, she knew she had to take matters into her hands.

“Hello you all. So, I know it’s all so sudden for you, but I’m Hilda and I’m a part of the Goneril family. That technically makes me something of a superior of yours, but I wouldn’t want you to worry about that much, I don’t bother with ordering people around. Anyway, it’s nice to meet you~”.

After this confident speech new servants started to shyly introduce themselves, while Hilda did her best to memorize their names. Finally the only person left was the one she really wanted to meet.

“And what’s your name, sweet?”, she hoped she wouldn't scare her, as she already seemed to be the most withdrawn from the group.

“My… My name is Marianne. At your service… my lady”, she said quietly, her voice deeper than Hilda assumed, yet the feminine timbre combined with the shyness of it, made for a calming effect. It suited her perfectly.

***

“What were you thinking?!”, Ludwig screamed at her right after closing her room’s doors. Now, in private, he didn’t have to bother with usual manners. Even though she was a part of the royal family they knew each other long enough and he was close enough with her father, for him to have the privilege to treat her as an equal. Though he probably thought of her lower than that. “Not only did you disrupt my duties, but also scare the new servants!”

“Scare? They didn’t seem scared to me, at least not more than commoners usually are talking to royalty. I actually think it’s good they got to talk one to one with someone from the family, it will help them get used to it. And if it’s me instead of Holst, for example, they might actually feel there’s nothing to fear. I mean, until they meet Holst". She was trying her hardest to take her retainer's attention away from the main point of the conversation, but she also knew it would be hard to achieve. 

“That’s not what’s important here. The point is that you knew very well I was taking care of introducing them to their work and you just decided to cause trouble! I just don’t understand, what’s your reasoning for this”, he answered, shattering Hilda’s hopes of this going smoothly.

“Well… you should have told me about this earlier! You’re my retainer, I have the right to know what you’re doing and when you will be missing”, she answered, with her voice a bit shaky. She really should have thought more about this part of the joke. Was that even a joke..? No, of course it was, just a stupid joke. Jokes are fine, people love jokes, Ludwig is just too strict to see that.

“And what do you need that knowledge for? You’re never interested in my duties and act rather annoyed when I tell you about them. You always complain about me spending too much time around you, yet I leave you for a moment and you make a tantrum like a child! I just don’t understand, what is it you want from me, princess?” 

His words pierced through her like a blade. At the back of her head she often carried the silent question, “What is it you want?”, with her, but she immediately cut it down. Now someone else asked the same out loud and it made her stomach turn into a knot. She wanted…to have fun, right? Why would you spend time doing unpleasant things? That’s what those quarrels with Ludwig were, right? Just a joke, an entertainment. Then why the hell didn't she feel entertained at all..? 

“I…want…just get out of here!”, she said, not knowing where the words came from. She grabbed the first pillow she saw from her bed and threw it at Ludwig. It hit the retainer right in the head, yet he stood unmoved, with the serious and disappointed look in his eyes that she hated so much.

“I guess expecting a mature answer from you was a mistake on my end”, he said, his feet turning toward the doors. “I’ll leave you be for now and I expect you to do the same”.

He left the room in grave silence. Hilda felt enormous relief and anger in herself at once. She couldn't think of anything better than just laying down in bed and letting herself hit the mattress and scream into the pillows. 

Damn it…she shouldn’t be crying, because of some old man that she doesn't care about. She just hit a new level of stupid.

After a few minutes she managed to let out most of her emotions, at least for some time. She was just laying in her bed limply, not feeling like doing anything. She definitely didn't want to think about what just transpired or what it made her feel. So instead her thoughts went towards the blue haired girl she met today.

“Marianne”, she whispered, as if she was mimicking her shyness. She smiled at the thought. “I wanna know more about you”.

She heard her stomach growling. Oh, right. She forgot about breakfast.

Chapter Text

Marianne was scared. She was trying to calm herself down ever since she applied for the job, but the reality was, that she didn't know what she was doing. The only job experience she had so far were a couple of side jobs she did in the last few months just to get by. But they were usually one time tasks or lasted only a few weeks. Not mentioning working for the royal family itself.

But the biggest problem was herself. Her curse was something she learned to struggle with, but hiding it from the entire castle was going to be a challenge that she wasn't sure she could withstand. In all honesty, it wouldn't be a surprise to her, if some people started to figure it out already. And if the news gets to someone like princesses retainer or the headmaid… She was quite sure she would end up on the streets if not worse.

Besides the curse, however, there was another, glaring issue. She had no real experience in her job. She didn't have to bother much with cleaning in her life so far and when she had to, it always turned out she was terrible at it, often doing more harm than good. Not only that, but she also had a tendency to run out of energy quickly and chores usually exhausted her even more. 

Looking at it like that, working as a maid of the royal family sounded like the worst career choice she could have made. However, a chance to get a position that provided housing with a good standard of living and a fair salary like this was rare and she didn’t want to waste it. At the same time, however, she was tormented with guilt. Someone else didn’t get this job because of her. It could have been the oldest child of a poor family that wanted to provide for their loved ones. It could have been a parent of a very sick child, trying to get money for the treatment. A refugee from a country absorbed with war, who lost everything and finally they could have a chance for a new start. Whoever it was, she took that chance from them. 

She didn’t have anyone who would need her, nor was she a victim of a harsh life. She only needed this job for her own selfish desires. The goddesses' teachings always preached, about being generous to thy neighbor and yet here she was taking space that she wouldn’t need in the first place, if only she could accept her own curse. However she couldn’t turn away her eyes from the faint glimmer of hope that she saw for as long as she could remember. The one that whispered in her ear to dream of the things that she didn’t believe she deserved.

She took a deep breath and looked around from her bed. The room she shared with two different maids (luckily not present now) was quite small compared to what she knew, but it didn’t bother her, she never needed much space nor did she bring many things with herself. Just a few books that were especially dear to her, the perfume that she bought a few years ago, the only one she ever had and a necklace after her mother, that she treasured her whole life. It had a beautiful, pink gem in the middle, surrounded by silver. She never exactly understood this choice of color, from the brief memories she had of her mother she mainly remembered her wearing different shades of blue, similar to herself. However odd it was, this piece of jewelry was all she had left after her now. 

But now it also brought someone else to her mind. The pink gem was in similar shade as the princesses hair long and carefully taken care of. The girl left such a big impression on her. Everyone else called her wild or said she hadn't learned proper manners. Marianne, however, knew that it couldn’t be the case, at least it wasn’t the whole story. She herself spent all her life trying to adjust to rules, etiquette and expectations others put on her. She knew how hard it is to go against them and that no one does it without a proper reason. But to live the way you want to live so openly in front of others, despite what they said…it made her admire the princess.

“Hilda…”, right, that was her name. She now came back to the brief conversation they had earlier. She felt heat on her face when she remembered being called “sweet” by her. Then she felt embarrassed about her awkward response. If the princess didn’t think of her as weird by just seeing her, then she definitely changed her opinion after Marianne opened her mouth… It didn’t matter though. She was here to do her job.

Speaking of which, it should have been around the time the new servants were supposed to join their duties with the headmaid. She stood up, fixed her dress, took a breath and went out of her room to start her work.

***

She joined with the rest of the new servants in the line and waited for the headmaid. She finally entered and introduced herself as Charlotte. In contrast to the princess's retainer, she seemed like a kind person. Or maybe just those golden curls of hers gave her a look of someone approachable. She informed them about their weekly schedule and duties and after that they were sent out to work.

Marianne, at first, couldn’t really grasp what exactly to do. Then she remembered about the room that was shown to them, where all the cleaning tools and supplies were stocked. She grabbed what she thought she would need for now and went to her assigned area.

Navigating around the castle was a challenge, but she finally managed to find her destination. She found herself in a room filled with tall bookshelves, all filled up top to bottom with some chairs and tables as well as a moving ladder. She never saw a library as big as that before, though the only one she knew was the one at her old house and it wasn’t too rich with its contents. This one, however, took Marianne’s breath away. Her first impulse was to stroll around, looking for the titles she knew and the ones that would catch her attention. She was here on duty though, so she couldn’t allow any distractions… for now.

Although she wasn’t sure what to do at first, she did eventually start to clean. She started with sweeping the floors and after that, she began to wipe dust away from the shelves, though she was already worried about handling the higher shelves. It was tiring and made her feel uncomfortably hot, but at the same time it was easy to lose herself in this repetitive work, she felt disconnection from her body and its unpleasantries and all that was left was her mind.

This state, however, made her oblivious to her surroundings. She suddenly hit a crack in the floor and stumbled right on to the bookshelf she was just wiping. She kept her balance, but the same could not be said about the shelf, which started to shake and before she knew it a large amount of books had fallen down the ground, hitting her and making her collapse onto the ground.

She felt pain all over her upper body, but it was nothing compared to the fear she felt. It was her first day and she already managed to mess things up so badly, some of the books might even have been damaged. When someone of a higher rank learns about this, it will be over for her.

As if the world craved to grant her wish, she heard fast footsteps in the hall. Her entire body froze in anticipation. Then she felt a strange mix of relief and tension, as the princesses silhouette appeared in the doorframe. On one hand she felt sympathy towards her, but on the other, she was still the princess. If she decided to, she could-

“Oh no, are you okay?”, Hilda said, as she hurried to the other girl’ side. She crouched next to her, reaching her hands out, but not touching her, as if waiting to catch her. 

“I-I’m fine, princess. I’m so sorry for this…”. She wasn’t sure what she could say, to really express her remorse, but was shut down before she could think of anything.

“That’s not important here. Do you think you can stand up?”, she asked and started to slowly stand up herself, holding Marianne’s hand. She nodded and followed her lead. “Good. Does it hurt you anywhere?”

“No… I mean, just a bit, but I’m fine, really”. She didn't know how to properly respond. Usually in situations like she got scolding and threats, Hilda’s compassion wasn’t something she was used to.

“I don’t necessarily believe you, but fine, just watch out for yourself. Come on, let’s clean those books already”. 

“No! That’s my duty, princess… Don’t worry”. She already felt embarrassed, but the idea that a royal would have to clean up her mess was just too much. However Hilda didn’t seem to take any of it.

“I see, you’re the type that never asks for help, aren’t you? Well I guess you don’t have a choice”, and as she said she just started picking up the books from the ground.

Marianne didn’t have any other choice, but to join her. However as she started to stack the volumes on the shelves, she was stopped.

“Wait! You can’t just put them in any way, you have to organize them. Otherwise it’s hard to find anything and also someone will definitely notice and scold us”. She took the books she was holding and started to group them on the floor. “See, those seem to be historical and these other ones are about plants and animals and stuff”.

After grouping them they started to put them up on the shelves. Marianne was just about to add another one to the biology section, when the volume she was holding caught her attention. She opened it up, before she could even think about what she’s doing. The book was about different species of birds and was full of detailed drawings, that allowed one to see all the nuanced differences between the animals.

“Um… Marianne?”, Hilda brought her back to reality, as she was looking over her shoulder. 

“I’m sorry…”, she said, closing the volume and putting it away. She hated how prone she was to running away into imagination. Always just running away…

“You like birds?”, she asked, again with the same lightness in her voice, like nothing happened. 

“Well… yes. I like all animals. I… they are a bit easier than… people”. Why did she say so much and why like this?

“Hmm… I guess I can understand that. Sometimes talking to others feels more like playing games”. That wasn’t the answer she expected. She couldn’t exactly relate to what Hilda said, but it still felt like someone, not necessarily understood her, but tried to. She suddenly felt more comfortable and gained courage to ask her something else.

“You… remembered my name..?”. It wasn’t exactly a question, but hearing her name was still a new and exciting thing for her and Hilda’s voice made it sound even nicer. She slowly started to regret asking until she got a response.

“Of course I did! After all it’s rare to see a commoner with hair like yours”. Right. It was easy for her to forget about the attention her hair brought her. However she couldn’t understand the small disappointment that the answer gave her. “Besides”, she suddenly added “you’re quite cute”. Marianne’s entire face flushed with red and seeing this the princess didn’t even try to contain her giggle. It was just a joke, obviously. A joke. 

They suddenly heard footsteps and both turned back to see who was there. Unfortunately it was Hilda’s personal retainer, Ludwig. She knew that he definitely didn’t belong to the compassionate type.
“May I know what happened here?”, he said harshly, cold coming out of his mouth with every word. It was now obvious to Marianne that her mistake really might cost her the job.

“I… I…”, she started, but couldn’t find the correct words that would put her in a better light. She felt tears pushing at the back of her eyes, wanting to be released.

“Yeah… that’s on me”, Hilda suddenly said, directing the attention of both of them on to herself. “I sneaked up on Mari and she got so scared that she stumbled on the bookshelf. Sorry, again, that was a bad idea”, she said facing her. Why was she covering up for a random servant? For her, of everyone?

“Ugh..! Can’t you at least leave alone the poor girl that just started her work?”, Ludwig asked, obviously tired of his job.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m terrible. But I’m helping, see? Everything’s fine, so you can go. Go, go, go!”, she threw the words so fast, that her retainer didn’t even have time to respond. He just took a deep breath.

“Your father will know of this”, he said, heading out of the library. Hilda sighted with relief.

“Finally! Why does he always get in the way of everything?”, she said, with such a carefree attitude.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, you shouldn’t have to lie for me…”. Marianne couldn’t hold herself back anymore and tears started to run down her face as she turned it down to hide it.

“Hey it’s okay, it’s okay”, Hilda said with a soothing voice, while grabbing her hand. “That old rat would probably treat you harshly, but you made just a tiny mistake. I’m sure he did worse when he started to work here. And it’s not like he can exactly do something to me, I’m a princess, after all”. Marianne still couldn’t look at her face, but it was obvious she smiled.

“But… he said, he will tell your father…”. That was something that she was sure could hurt her. ‘Father’ to her was a word dripping with fear, such a threat couldn’t be ignored. However to her biggest surprise Hilda… laughed. 

“Don’t worry about it. Even if he has enough courage to do that, my dad won’t do anything. I’m a princess to him too”, she said, giggling a bit more. Marianne couldn’t really understand any of this, but she was glad she didn’t bring doom to the girl that just saved her. “So, no need to worry. Heads up, Marie!”.

She did as she was told, a bit embarrassed about her wet eyes. But she felt relief looking at Hilda. 

“M-Marie?”, she asked, blushing slightly.

“Oh, you don’t like it? Sorry then”.

“No! It’s… nice. Thank you, princess”.

“Thank me for what?”, she giggled again.

“Well… everything”. She felt really awkward saying it, but couldn’t find any better words.

“Don’t worry about it, silly. By the way, you could start using my name too. It’s kinda tiring to hear ‘princess’ all day long”. 

“Um… should I? I am still just a servant though”. Talking casually like that to a royal? That was… against everything she knew, really.

“Well, you can title me when someone’s nearby and use my name when we’re alone”.

“Alone..?”, she just realized she was still holding her hand, but wasn’t sure how to take it politely.

“Yeah. You know, like we are now. Please, it would be so nice for me! Oh! You probably just forgot my name, didn’t you~?”.

“Of course not! H-Hilda…”, it was unfamiliar to say that out loud, but it also made her nice and a bit warm on her face.

“So we got a deal”, she said, with a grin of victory. She could feel her hand letting go. “Okay then, let’s finish cleaning here, Marie”.

Chapter Text

The last week was probably the most Hilda has worked in years. She didn’t complain, she did on her own accord after all and also had more fun than she would think. At the same time though, it did make her worried about the new, blue haired maid.

The incident in the library apparently wasn’t a one time occurrence and as brutal as it may sound, Marianne had absolutely two left hands when it came to most of her duties. It was hard to pinpoint, but it was almost as if the girl carried some sort of bad luck with her. She would accidentally knock things over, use wrong cleaning supplies or forget to sort clothes for laundry. Hilda managed to get her schedule in order to conveniently appear whenever she seemed to be needed and she did enjoy it. However it was obvious how guilty the maid felt about it, as she never truly asked for help, no matter how much she needed it. 

And to be honest Hilda also started to feel guilty, worrying that she was coming too much on to her. She didn’t want Marianne feeling helpless, she wanted to make sure that she would have time to settle in the castle and learn everything she needed to know. But the time passed and there was only a slight improvement. It wasn’t a problem for Hilda, it’s not like she personally cared about someone' s ability to clean. What she was worried about was that Ludwig or Charlotte would see Marie in one of her worse moments and decide to punish or, even worse, fire her. 

Perhaps that was the reason why she was so strongly attached to this particular girl? She definitely could relate to being looked down upon, because of not fitting into a role she was thrown into. At the same time, though, no matter how much she wanted them both to be able to perfectly understand each other, she couldn’t escape the fact that her and Marianne’s situations were different. But it also made her want to know more. Like how exactly it was possible for her to not have much experience in usual household duties. It was something that commoners have done most of their lives, so how did her life look like before crossing the castle’s gates? 

She got Marianne’s schedule right from her boss, Charlotte. Or rather from her office. She tried asking for it, but the version of events that Ludwig gave her painted the princess as an immature jester, tormenting a poor servant, so of course all she got was scolding (though she was happy, that if Marianne really had troubles the headmaid seemed to be on her side). Because of that she had to sneak up to the woman’s quarter and rewrite the schedule in a rush, on a tiny piece of paper, that she doubted someone else would be able to read something from.

Now, a couple days later, she was looking at the messy fruit of her labour and realized that they might be in trouble. Today Marianne had her first shift in the kitchen. Which meant that she would be surrounded by other servants. Hilda will not be able to help her. She absolutely didn’t want to doubt the maid’s culinary talent, but the fact that she would not be there to support her was making her nervous. Making a mistake in the kitchen could have bigger consequences than usual. It would slow down the rest of the group, would be a waste of ingredients, and therefore money, and be noted by everyone around her. Messing up there would end up with Marie's work being controlled way more often than before. And then… she really wanted to believe that the girl could still make it, if she worked but…

She shook her head to snap out of it. If her experience as a princess taught her anything, it was that thinking about your future worries didn't change anything and was no fun. All she could do now was give her befriended maid some courage before work, something she could benefit from, though she wouldn't say it out loud.

She rushed down the stairs and headed to the part of the castle used for housing the servants. She almost never went there, unless something interesting was happening, like someone getting drunk during one of the parties, that staff organized from time to time, and throwing a tantrum. She tried to imagine Marianne during one of those. She would probably be one of the people to stand in the corner awkwardly, before going back to her room. 

She wasn't there now, though, as the blue haired maid was just going down the corridor, heading towards her today's duty. 

“Prin-”, she looked around, to see if they were alone, “Hilda… w-what are you doing here?”. The girl looked nervous, her voice was trembling, she was clearly showing distress and she seemed a little paler than usual. The princesses appearance certainly caught her off guard, but it couldn't be it. 

“Oh, I just wanted to see you”, Hilda said and immediately saw Marie get even more tense.

“See me?”, she looked around again. Did she worry she would get into trouble, because of just talking with the princess? “Did I… do something?”.

“What? No, no, no! I wanted to know how you are feeling. I know you have kitchen duty today, that probably can be stressful”. 

“Well… yeah, a bit”. Ever since they met, the girl seemed to put her guard down a bit with Hilda, but she still had a bad habit of assuming the worst when it came to everything she was involved in. One could only hope it will get better for her with time.

“Try not to overthink it, okay? Just do your job, like you always do. And if something goes wrong, you just keep going. Mistakes happen at the beginning, so don't worry about it”. She wished she was telling the truth. And who knows - maybe she was. She didn't know nearly enough about servants' work to speak about it, but for now any encouragement was precious. 

“Okay. I’ll… do it. I… I promise that I will do this on my own. I don’t want to… be a burden to you anymore”. 

What? A burden? Where did that come from? She wanted to reassure her, tell her that she didn't think of her like that even for a moment. She really wanted to, but Marianne used the opportunity to move away from the conversation and head straight to the kitchen.

As a farewell, she muttered “Goodbye… Princess”. She turned and disappeared around the corner.

***

Hilda wandered around the castle to gather her thoughts, conveniently in close vicinity to the kitchen. It's been a few hours since she talked to Marianne. She tried to take her mind off of things, but she couldn't focus on any of her usual activities. She wondered if she was imposing herself on Marianne too much. If the help she gave her was actually annoying her, but she was too kind to speak up. She really hoped that she could still spend time with her, even if her help was not needed. She didn't have anyone else, who she could be loose with and she really liked her. It was easy to talk to someone, who doesn't speak much.

But most of all she was worried, how was Marie doing now. She felt like her own mother right now, with all the overprotectiveness. She knew she should have more faith in her, but it was still scary, the thought that she could lose the job she needed. The thought that she could maybe even end up on the streets. The thought that… she could lose her. 

Looking at it now, commoners' lives seemed like a constant fight for survival, where the ones that are not fast, strong or skillful enough were just left behind, deemed useless. Hilda was just now realizing how lucky she was, to have a life like hers. She hated being a part of the royal family and all the expectations that came with it, but could she even make it as a commoner, with her love for slaking off? 

She was starting to get bored and she was thinking whether it would be better to wait a little longer, until it was dinner time, and try Marianne’s cooking or to just go back to her room. Then she suddenly heard a loud noise coming from the kitchen. It was then followed by a bunch of raised voices. She felt her heartbeat raising, hoping it wasn't what she thought it was.

She opened the door slightly and took a look inside. The first thing she saw was Marianne, standing up from the floor, while supporting herself on the nearest table. Her dress was dirty and wet, Hilda supposed it was because of the liquid on the floor, that was probably meant to be today' s soup, that spilled out of one of the pots laying on the ground now. The girl was surrounded by at least half of the kitchen staff, the rest of them glancing at her while doing their tasks. Everyone was raising their voices at Marie and all of them were simultaneously telling her, that ‘it's almost dinner time’, that ‘there will be severe consequences waiting for her’ and most frequently ‘how can you be so stupid’, all flavored in different choices of words, yet the essence of them staying the same. 

The worst possible scenario was just happening in front of her eyes. 

And Marianne just stood there, looking down at her own shoes, not reacting to anything that was going on around her. Hilda couldn't understand her behaviour at first, until she noticed a small teardrop falling from the brown eyes, hiding under her bangs. Seeing it made her mind switch off completely, as Hilda rushed in, pushing off everyone standing in her. She put her hand on Marianne's shoulder. The girl raised her head slowly, her watery eyes widened as she muttered silently “Hilda..?”. The Goddess herself could only know how much she wanted to hug her right now. But she looked around herself, giving a harsh look to everyone surrounding them. She mainly saw confusion in their eyes, but there were also sparks of anger, perhaps they were from the moment before, perhaps they were new, just for her.

“The hell are you doing’, surrounding one girl like that?!”, she shouted, making sure the words would ring out with enough power. “It was just a mistake and if you took your asses and got to work together instead of standing here, you would have fixed it already!”.

The servants were not sure how to react to the backlash. They slowly started to move around, trying to find something to do, just to get away from the princess. However, one of them, who she recognized as the headchief, was standing firmly in front of her.

“I'm sorry for this scene, princess. I wish I was able to put them in their place as quickly as you do”. He almost took her off guard with the light small talk, but it looked like he was now getting to the point. “At the same time, though, I hope you understand that these kinds of mistakes cannot go overlooked. Marianne has severely slowed down our work and it has to be noted to the headmaid”. 

She would have thought that he was just being careful when speaking to her, but the fact that he already remembered the name of a new maid showed that he had to sincerely care about people under him. Still…

“But… But she made just one mistake! Is it really big enough to report to the higher-ups? You could just…”. She was trying to find the right words, but was cut off immediately.

“I’m sorry, princess, but the rules are absolute for all of us here. We cannot allow ourselves any favoritism, you understand, right?” Favouritism? Was that what she was doing? She now understood the glances of all the servants towards her. The anger she saw in their eyes was really just the feeling of injustice. Why did Hilda step up now and not before, when they needed help?

“But… still…”.

She knew she didn't have any arguments. The only thing she could use here was her status, but that could only get her so far. She felt an arm gently placed on her shoulder. She looked behind her to see Marianne, who calmed down, but tears were still visible in the corners of her eyes.

“It's okay… princess. I'm thankful for your help, but everything will be fine”, she said and gave her a subtle, barely visible smile, that Hilda never saw before on her. The maid looked so beautiful and yet the princess knew it was a facade hiding her usual sadness, as if Marie wanted to shield her from herself.

“I… okay then. I’ll… I’ll get going. Don’t worry about dinner getting a bit delayed, my parents will probably be a bit late today. They had business to attend to outside the castle”. She headed out of the kitchen, giving Marianne a glance for the last time before exiting. She didn't look at her back.

Right when she closed the door, she realized someone was standing next to her. It was Ludwig, leaning his back on the wall. 

“Your voice really carries throughout the castle, princess”, he said, giving her a side eye. She felt like he was trying to pose as intimidating and cool, but it just didn't work with his appearance. “Since when do you stand up for servants?”.

“Give me a break”, she blurted out. Yet her retainer seemed not satisfied with the answer and she didn't want him to get some second-hand recollection of events that would change all the details. “A girl made a mistake and spilled out a soup or something and everyone just started yelling and acting like she killed their grandma. I guess I got a little pissed off”. 

“I see. I still would like to ask the headchief for his opinion, just to make sure”. Of course you would, she thought. Why would you believe me? “Still, you surprised me. For you to suddenly care for someone unknown to you…”, he said, getting lost in thoughts. 

“Yeah, I know, after all I was always a tyrant who beheaded every servant that looked at her weird”, she answered, tired of the old man’s comments.

“Sorry, I didn't mean it to sound like that”, he said, looking genuinely remorseful, something she Hilda didn't see often. “It's just… a nice change, I think”.

Did… Did he just say something nice about her? Or did she just not notice the poison in his words? 

“Ehmm… Thanks. I guess”, she said and quickly headed to her room, not wanting to have to deal with the strange, foreign idea of her retainer possibly appreciating her.

***

Hilda was laying in her and wasn't sure what to do. It wasn't a new occurrence, quite a lot of her days passed this way, actually. Except now she felt like she actually should be doing something. Marianne was in trouble, but she couldn't know yet how harsh the maid could be treated and the uncertainty was driving her mad. 

She wanted to see Marie, comfort her, and do whatever she could to help. Yet she couldn't stop thinking about that faint smile, carrying the same kind of beauty as tragedy carries. Only now was Hilda realizing how little she knew of someone she already started to see as her friend. She wanted this girl to open up, to feel like she could open up. But at the same time she also started to get afraid that Marianne doesn't see her the same. That the friendship she was trying to build with her, was more of an obstacle for the maid, than help. Only now she started to realize that if other servants start to see them as close, they will grow to hate the poor girl.

Favouritism, is that what that guy said? Yes, Marianne really was her favorite. And in all honesty, Hilda didn't mind it. She knew it was unjust for the others, that it could be seen as her abusing her status. It probably was just that. But for some reason she just couldn't care less about anything, when it came to this one girl.

 However the real question she had to ask was what did she think of that? What does Marianne want? Hilda had to ask her.

Chapter Text

“Of course I understand it was just an accident, but there still need to be consequences. That’s why from tomorrow your work will be watched over more strictly, to make sure you’re performing well enough for the royal family standards. Do you understand, Marianne?”, the headmaid asked.

“Yes…”, she muttered, avoiding the woman’s gaze. She knew she didn’t have any ill will, she was just doing her job, but she felt too ashamed to look her in the eyes. 

“Okay then. You're free to go”. Marianne turned around to do just that, but then she heard that the headmaid wanted to add something. “Don't worry too much about it. Just work diligently, as you did so far and everything will be okay”.

She knew the woman was trying to keep her spirit up, but the sentence sounded more like a bad prophecy.

“Of course, Miss”.

***

Marianne needed quiet. Her roommates weren't particularly talkative, they both wanted to rest after the day of work, but the thoughts in her head were already too loud. Besides, she knew very well that crying was an activity one should do on their own. And she felt today it might end up with more than crying.

She headed outside the castle and entered the gardens. She hasn't been here much before, but she did love watching it from windows that she passed and cleaned everyday. During the day it was a place bustling with life, where the gardeners kept moving around like hard-working ants, maintaining its beauty. However, now the place was completely still and silent. She was surrounded by numerous shapes that the moonlight only slightly revealed to be greenery and flowers.

Marianne felt like she was in between the reality and dreamscape. Like in any moment the shadows could swallow her whole. It gave her a strange sense of ease.

She wandered off, searching for a quiet corner, as far from any curious eyes as possible. She arrived at a small part of the garden, to which one could enter only from one side. In the middle there was growing a tree and it was the only thing occupying otherwise empty space. 

There Marianne could finally stop trying to keep herself together. She breathed out heavily and after that came a long weep that she's been holding for too long. She didn't have strength to keep standing, so she just let herself fall to the ground. She suddenly remembered everything. Every mistake she made during her duty. Every time she should have been sent off from the castle. Every time Hilda had to put up with her and do her work, because of Marianne's own incompetence. Every time her step-father gave her the look of disgust. She remembered every tiny mistake, that together created a twisted mosaic of the biggest mistake that the girl was.

The despair slowly started to twist into anger, the emotion that she hated the most, that shouldn't have had a place in her heart. She knew how to get rid of it: the anger must find an outlet. She could feel the heaviness of the blade she hid in her dress. It was waiting for her. 

Out of nowhere she heard a horse neighing angrily and someone cussing right after. She turned her head in the direction. Someone was closer than she thought. Anger turned into anxiety. Marianne wiped out her tears and took a moment to calm herself down. Then she carefully made her way towards the sound.

She arrived at the place she hoped for - stables. She only glanced at it a few times before, but never had a chance to visit it and she was worried she won't have a chance. If there was anything she missed, it definitely were horses. Spending time with them was always relaxing, it let her forget about her life and made her feel needed, even if only for a bit. She hoped that those wonderful creatures could ease her worries once again. She started to get closer while looking around. It seemed that however was here a moment ago has left, which was probably better for her. She wasn't sure, if she could get in trouble for this, but she didn't want to take the risk.

All the horses were already locked up and most likely asleep. The only exception was the gray-coloured horse in one of the boxes, that seemed weirdly lively for this hour. She got a bit closer to it, making sure to take her steps slowly. The horse looked at her, it's body language seemed rather defensive. Marianne stopped in place, standing sideways to it and slowly raised her hands.

“Shhh. Don't worry. I am a… friend”, she said. She noticed a carrot laying on the ground. It was fresh and untouched. She lowered her torso and reached out to grab it. “It's okay. I will just pick it up”.

She did just that, with as smooth of a move as she could manage, and was holding the vegetable in the direction of the animal. The horse seemed to calm down a bit.

“Would you like a snack?”, the girl asked. She waited patiently and after a bit the animal reached it's head out to start biting the carrot. Marianne smiled and let herself get a little closer. The sensation of food being eaten from her hand always felt strange yet comforting. She put her other hand right above the animals skin. “May I pet you?”. It didn't seem to oppose, so she started petting the horse. The food was already eaten and yet it still wanted to stay with her, turning it's head under her touch. It made her feel warm inside. All the destructive thoughts seemed to disappear.

“Oh my”, someone said behind her. Marianne got startled and quickly turned around. She saw a girl with a long, blond braid. Her outfit was made of simple and sturdy work clothes, so different from the maid uniform.

“I’m really sorry… I just… wanted to-”, Marianne started explaining herself, but she was quickly cut off.

“No, don't worry about this! It's just that… this horse didn't let anyone get close to himself. It's the first time I’m seeing someone petting him…”, the girl said, her filled with genuine amazamaned.

“Oh… Well, I guess I’m lucky then”.

“There's no way it's just luck! How did you do it?!”.

“I just approached it slowly… and waited for him to get comfortable”. She wasn't sure what to say, it's not like she knew much about training horses. All her knowledge came from spending time with them.

“I see… I guess everyone was too impatient with him. Or maybe you have a golden hand for animals”. The girl took a step forward and reached her hand out. “I'm Ingrid”.

“Oh… I’m… Marianne”, she introduced herself slowly. She was always afraid, that someone will be surprised by her name, or that she's a woman at all. But Ingrid didn't seemed surprised at all. Instead she smiled.

“You must be one of the new servants. It's a pity you're not working at the stables, we could use someone like you here”.

“Like me..?”.

“I meant someone gentle, who animals love. I tried to be a person like that, but it's just not my character, I guess”. Marianne wasn't sure how to reply to that, so they just stood in an awkward silence until the other girl spoke up again.

“I don't want to be rude, but… What are you doing here? I don't think maid have any work here and at this hour you probably don't have any work at all”.

“Well… You're right, but I just wanted to…” Hurt myself “...see if any horses are awake. They… calm me down. So…”.

“Oh, that makes sense. I certainly can relate to that. Well, unless it comes to our Dorte right there”, she said, looking at the horse that gave her a sleepy side eye.

“I stayed up a bit late, trying to work a bit on his attitude, but that didn't work. Luckily you came to my saving”. Marianne could feel a slight blush appearing on her face.

“He’s name is… Dorte?”, she tried to distract attention from herself.

“Yup. He’s a new one here, however I heard he's precious owner was terrible. Must have been, since he was so on-guard around everyone. Maybe now he’ll see, that everyone here just wants to help him”. 

“Yes… I hope so too”. For some reason hearing all of this only made her more sympathetic towards the horse. She felt like she could understand him. 

The steed hid his head inside of the box. They both approached it and to see Dorte laying down to sleep. They admired the view for a moment and then Ingrid closed up, to give the horse some privacy.

“Well, I guess I can go get rest now. You probably should do the same”, she said.

“Yeah, I should”. 

“Here, it will be faster than going around again. Besides, we live in the same section of the castle”.

They did just that, going through the small entrance usually used only by stable workers. It really was faster, however the guards they passed on the way gave her some confused looks. For some reason though she didn't really worry about it. Ingrid's presence gave her a sense of security and since she was essentialy just repeating after her, she felt more confident in her actions, even if it was just walking to her room. 

Her companion suddenly stoped. “My room is that way, I think maids sleep there, right?”.

“Yes”.

“So we go our separate ways then”, she said. Marianne felt a weird sense of loss hearing that. “I hope we can see each other again. Goodnight, Marianne”.

“Goodnight… Ingrid”. 

Marianne went to her room. And as she was walking she thought to herself, that she really hopes they will be able to each other again.

Chapter Text

Almost a week has passed since the incident in the kitchen. Hilda was slowly stabbing her breakfast with no enthusiasm. She was hungry, sure, but her thoughts were rushing and she desperately tried to find a solution to the problem that bothered her. That being Marianne's supervision. She was afraid for the girl's job and whether she'll be able to keep it. But what hurt her even more, was that she couldn't meet with her now. She didn't want to visit her in her chambers, Marianne seemed uncomfortable with that and with her work time being out of question, there was really no time for Hilda to see the maid. And of course, it had turned out like this right after she decided to have an important talk with her.

“Is something wrong, princess?”, Ludwig asked, standing a bit to her side. She forgot he was here, since in recent times he was less involved in his retainer's duties. Now, however, it seemed that he either wanted to or was told to spend more time in her presence, to Hilda's misfortune.

“No, it’s nothing”, she said, hoping he will leave it there. She wasn't in a mood to talk about her problems, especially with an annoying, old man. Ludwig seemed to understand the message and looked outside the window.

Hilda continued to reluctantly put food in her mouth. After a few minutes, during which she would normally be done with the meal, someone knocked on the door frame. She turned around and for a second she could swear she saw a glimpse of familiar blue hair, but then she realized it was a male servant. She recognized him, he seemed to hold a higher position and sometimes spoke with Ludwig about some matters that she wasn't interested in.

“I must leave you for a moment, I’ll be right back”, her retainer said and headed out of the room to speak with the man.

As usual, she didn't pay attention to their exchange and her thoughts returned to her problems to which she still didn't see solutions. Suddenly though her ear caught a familiar name and she started to listen to the conversation outside.

“...but the girl is rather incompetent. She makes basic mistakes and seems rather clumsy. It's almost like she has no experience in maintaining a household”, the servant said and it was quite obvious who he was referring to. “I think a bit more experience would bring her to the desired level, but it's hard to tell how long that would take”.

“I understand. I wonder, how did we realize this just now… Well, if that's all, you can leave”. Ludwig came back to the dining hall, but was surprised to see Hilda pass him by.

“I'm going to my room, so you're free to go”, the princess said, leaving him alone with an unfinished platter.

***

Despite what she told her retainer, Hilda went on a stroll in the garden. She felt like her room, even if quite large, would suffocate her now. The garden had a rich collection of different kinds of flowers, that were both diverse in their colours as well as rich in aroma. Usually she would stop around every corner to take a deep breath and relax. But now she was walking forward, barely looking around. 

She was out of options and the helplessness was eating her from inside. All she could do was wait and hope Marianne would not lose her job. And even though there was still a chance, she couldn't shake off the feeling of waiting for an execution. 

Being put up against the wall Hilda started asking herself a question - why? Why did she bother with a random maid? She picked her curiosity, sure, and they did spend some time together, but that didn't explain why the idea of losing her made her heart bleed so heavily. Was it a pity? Did she really see Marianne as just an unfair victim that she wanted to help? Was it friendship? Is it possible their bond was deep enough like that, even though the other girl might not see her like that? What was so special about this blue haired maid?

Her thoughts were interrupted as she realized she left the garden and was now in front of the stables. There, a blond haired girl was having a hard time trying to take one of the horses out on a leash. The animal was putting up a real fight and it seemed that the girl was ready to give up, when suddenly she fell to her back and the horse rushed forward. The leash snapped. Hilda jumped out of the steed’s way and watched as it kept galloping, breaking through some of the bushes, as it finally found a straight path. 

She followed it with the stable worker right behind her. The horse didn't stop for a bit and it went right in the direction of the gate. Usually that wouldn't be an issue, it was closed most of the time, but now she saw a familiar carriage, belonging to her father, slowly leaving the castle. Before guards could realize what was happening the escapee was already outside the walls.

Hilda stopped, so did everyone else. She turned around, to see the blonde behind her, looking panicked.

“Well… You know it will get hungry, sooner or later…”. Hilda tried to calm the girl down, but the words didn't seem to reach her. Maybe for the better.

One of the guards approached them, asking for an explanation. Surprisingly, the stable worker gave him a solid recurrence of the events, something she seemed too stressed out for just a moment ago.

“Then, what are you planning to do? You know we can't just leave like that”.

“I know, I know, it’s just… I need an assist”, she said, her voice now more confident than before.

“You know other stable workers don't have a responsibility to clean your mess, right?”.

“No, I need to find… a maid”.

“A… maid?”, the guard mumbled, not sure if he's hearing right.

“Yes. There's one maid who can help here, but I need help finding her”.

“Wait…”, Hilda cutted in, startling both of them, who seemed to forget that the princess was standing next to them. There were dozens of maids in the castle, but Hilda had a hunch. I like all animals. I… they are a bit easier than… people. “Does this maid have blue hair?”.

***

They both rushed through the hallways. Hilda still had a tiny piece of paper with Marianne's schedule on her. Ingrid didn't explain her much, she barely had time to introduce herself, but she was going to believe in Marianne whole-heartly.

They found her in one of the hallways that were assigned to her. She was currently wiping the floors, but Hilda noticed that she was putting way too much water on the floor. The person that was currently supervising her was Ludwig himself, who was just about to point out the mistake the girl made, but instead turned around in surprise. The maid followed him in an even bigger shock.

“Princess..? Did something ha-”, Ludwig started, but Hilda didn't give him time to finish.

“There's an emergency and we need to borrow Marianne for a moment”, she said in one breath, leaving both of the listeners speechless.

“Um… Maybe let me explain”, Ingrid proposed and hearing a lack of protest she began to summarize the last events. However, that on its own didn't answer all the questions.

“And what does it have to do with the girl?”, Ludwig asked.

“Marianne helped me out with Dorte once already. That horse is always stubborn and on guard around everyone but her. She might be the only one to be able to bring him back, so please, let her help us”, Ingrid asked and bowed before him. Hilda would rather die, than do something like that for him, but it was clear that for her, duty was in the first place. The retainer turned his head onto the maid.

“Do you want to help them?”, he asked. The girl stood there for a moment, the princess was starting to worry, but then she replied.

“Yes, sir”.

“You understand that this will mean leaving your work, right?”.

“Yes, but… I think I can be more useful that way than here. A-And I promise to finish my duties, once I'm back!”. Ignoring the second part of her speech, it was the most confident Hilda has ever seen her. It brought a weird, warm feeling that started to flow onto her face.

“Great, let's go then!”, she said, grabbing Marianne's hand and rushing out of the castle.

***

“Dorte! Dooorteee!”, Hilda shouted again, hoping her voice carrying among the trees would bring the horse to them and save them the trouble.

“Princess, I told you that won't work. It will actually scare him”, Ingrid said.

“Then how do we bring him to us?”, she asked, already tired. She might have liked to take a walk in the garden from time to time, but a forest, with all the fallen branches and the same looking trees was not doing it for her. She  suddenly stopped, right before stepping into another spider web.

“We don't. We just need to find him. He will get tired eventually and will have to stop. Um… my lady”.

“Ughhh…”, Hilda groaned, both from the regret crippling onto her, but also the unnecessary titling. “You don't need to be so stiff around me, I won't behead you. Right, Marie?”, she said, shifting focus to the quiet girl.

“Y-yes…”, she replied briefly. Hilda worried again, she made her uncomfortable.

“Marie? You didn't tell me you're that close with the princess!”. Ingrid seemed both surprised and impressed.

“No..! I mean- we’re… um… just-”, Marianne stumbled through words, perhaps not knowing how to describe their relationship herself.

“It's okay! You don't need to say anything!”, Hilda decided to step in and help. “Let's just find Dorte!”.

“Yeah, sorry Marianne. No pressure”, Ingrid apologized. She then stopped and kneeled on the ground. “I think it's his traces. Let's keep moving in this direction”.

They traveled forward, but Marianne has now picked up her pace and walked right next to Hilda. The maid whispered.

“Thank you, Hilda”.

“No worries”, she replied, simply happy that the girl talked to her. 

She took a look forward and saw Ingrid's profile, giving them a glance and a subtle grin. Maybe beheading wasn't that bad of an idea. 

They continued their search, finding more tracks the farther they went. They now had to be more careful with their steps, to avoid making any loud sounds, but neither Hilda or Marianne were doing a good job. They finally reached a small field in the middle of the woods with wildflowers and a little stream flowing through, all basking in the sunlight of the afternoon. There, Dorte was standing with his head down, drinking water and taking a rest, not noticing them yet.

“Okay, Marianne, time to shine”, Hilda said, fully confident that her friend will do great. The girl didn't share that enthusiasm though. Her hands, grappling at the grip of the basket she brought, were trembling. 

“Ingrid…”, she said. “I think you should do it…”.

“What?! But, that's why you're here!”, she said loudly enough for the horse to turn his head a bit. Ingrid put a hand over her mouth and spoke again, a tone quieter. “Only you can do it”.

“But… I was never trained to deal with horses, all I know, I learned by watching. I’m useless… I will just scare him away”, the maid sounded like she was on the verge of crying, though her eyes didn't reveal that. It wasn't just stress, it was clear she believed in everything she said and that it was only showing a fragment of the turmoil that must have been happening in her head. Did she take her performance in her job that much to heart? “I’m sorry… I'm no use…”.

Listening to this for Hilda was like a knife to the chest. In a moment she lost control over herself and grabbed the girl by her face. 

“Marianne, listen to me. You're amazing and hard-working and pretty and you can definitely do it. You're a kind person and I bet horses and birds and other animals see that. You’ve already done it once and I know you can do it again”.

Hilda was sure she overdid it. She was ready to see the girl run away or just freeze in place with no answer. She started to think about a way to apologize to her and convince her to stay, but the maid was just looking into her eyes.

“Hilda…”, Marianne said and took a deep breath. “Ingrid… Do I… need to change it’s leash or can the broken one stay..?”.

“Wha-? No, this one can stay”, Ingrid said surprised.

“Okay then”. She slowly stood up, holding the basket in her hands. Hilda noticed that her hands were still trembling. And yet she made a step forward.

Dorte turned his head around towards the moving bushes, as Marianne emerged from them.

“It’s just me, Dorte”, she said, giving him a faint smile.

She took small but smooth steps forward, making sure to approach the animal from it's side. Hilda heard from her brother a lot about horse riding back in the day, but all of it flew right out of her head, so all she could was have faith in the girl's abilities. She noticed that the horse’s eyes started to relax and the maid treated that as a sign to put her hand inside the basket, from which she took out a pear, a treat Ingrid got quickly before departure, together with other snacks they could give Dorte later. 

The animal took a step forward at the sight of the fruit, then another. Before they knew he was eating from Marianne's hand, as she was screeching his chin.

Hilda stood in the bushes with amazement. She didn't doubt the maid’s abilities, but there is a difference between putting faith in something and witnessing it. The cloud covering the sun passed by and the field was basking in its light once again. The princess admired the view of the sunlight silhouette of the girl and the horse in this peaceful moment.

Ingrid, however, was impatient to take the animal back to the castle and perhaps avoid some of the punishment that might have waited for her. She moved forward and Hilda followed her steps. As they appeared in the horse's sight, the animal started to get distressed again and Marianne wrapped her arm lightly around its neck.

“It's okay, it's okay. They're friends. They won't hurt you”, she whispered, slowly tracing his skin. “Approach slowly and don't face it head on”, she said, now speaking to them. Though considering Ingrid's experience, it was probably just directed at Hilda.

As they approached the animal still seemed on guard. He wasn't panicking or fighting, but couldn't trust them yet either. They finally got close enough to the two of them and the horse started to look more tense. She felt a slight touch to her arm. It was Marianne, bringing the basket near her.

“Give him a treat. Just don't make sudden moves”, she told her simply.

Hilda was hesitant, not wanting to scare Dorte away, but eventually dived her hand inside. She took out a slice of an apple and looked at the maid, giving her a slight nod. The princess’s hand slowly reached out to the horse's muzzle. The animal took its time, to look at Hilda carefully, to the point where she started to get a little nervous under its glance. But then he reached out his head and ate the fruit from her hand as if he had done it a million times. 

“He-He likes me!”, Hilds announced a bit louder than intended, but Dorte didn't seem to be startled by it.

“Of course he does”, Marianne responded, taking the broken leash in hand. “We can go back now”.

“Marianne, this is amazing, really. Thank you so much”, Ingrid said. When she saw the look of relief on her face, Hilda had just realized how stressed out she must have been.

“Don't worry about it. I'm happy I could help. Really happy…”, she said, blessing them with a faint smile..

***

When they came back the sun was already starting to set. While they walked Dorte back to the stables, they received a lot of surprised looks. A lot of people probably assumed that retrieving a runaway horse would be impossible and seeing it being brought back by a maid was something no one expected. And of course, the fact that the princess was accompanying them was making things even weirder, since it was against everything people knew about Hilda.

Marianne led Dorte back into his box and Ingrid closed him inside. Now they all looked, as he ate a bunch of hay that waited for him all day.

“Wow, you’re still hungry after eating out most of that basket?”, Hilda asked, not expecting an answer.

“Well, those were just snacks. Horses actually eat a lot, since they’re quite large. He must be starving after all of this”, Marianne told her. Even if no one trained her with horses, she seemed to be knowledgeable enough to take care of them… Hilda had an idea, but she had to ask for the maid’s opinion first.

“Once again, thank you Marianne. I don’t know how I could repay you”, Ingrid said.

“It’s fine, really… I’m glad that Dorte is back”, Marianne replied, looking at the animal, too busy with its meal to notice her.

“Well… Now I have to report that our runaway is back and hope they will not kill me for this incident. And then I can finally eat too. Goddess, I’m starving”.

“You know, if you want I can stand up for you to your boss”, Hilda proposed, really hoping that she could help the girl. After all, it wasn’t her fault that Dorte had run away, she saw it herself.

“I… that would be amazing. Thank you, princess!”, she said and tried to bow, but was stopped by Hilda’s arms gripping strongly on her shoulders.

“I told you don’t need to title me…”.

“It is a sign of proper etiquette, princess”. They all turned to see Ludwig standing behind them. He moved forward and looked inside the box. Dorte was done with eating and was now laying down to rest. The retainer turned his head to Marianne. “You really brought it back”.

“Y-yes, sir…”, the girl mumbled. “I-I will now go to finish my duties, sir”.

“That has been taken care of already”, the man said, surprising everyone around. “Besides, you probably wouldn’t do a good job with that”. The relief on Marianne’s face was now changing into fear and Hilda was tired of seeing this girl not being allowed to run away from despair.

“Don’t say that!”, Hilda shouted, before she could even think. The two women next to her were shocked, but Ludwig was unmoved.

“Am I wrong though?”, he asked. Was he? If Marianne went and did her job, wouldn’t she have done it poorly? Wouldn’t someone have to fix her work later? No, Hilda couldn’t say the man was wrong. However…

“No, you’re not. Marianne probably would make some mistakes and would need help from someone. But she needs to do them, to learn everything. You just criticize her and don’t look at the effort she’s putting in!”. Hilda finally could say what she wanted to for a long time. However, Ludwig didn’t seem moved.

“We’re not a training facility. In order to work here one must bring value to the castle and the royal family itself. We can’t allow ourselves to hire unqualified personnel”, he said. The princess couldn’t think of a response to that. She looked around and saw Marianne, looking in the direction of Dorte’s box. She had an idea. She wanted to consult with her first, but the situation was calling for it.

“She does a lot of value to us though! She just brought us back the horse that no one could handle before!”.

“That’s not part of her duties as a maid”.

“Then make it that!”. The man looked at her surprised for the first time. “You could make working with horses part of her job! And not just horses, Marie would definitely be great with other animals too-! That is… if you would want that…”, she stopped herself and looked at the girl. She seemed confused with all of this new information, but there was hope in her eyes.

“I… would like that”. They exchanged faint smiles and Hilda turned to Ludwig once again.

“So? What about that idea?”. That was it. Everything she could. Now the decision was in someone else’s hands. The man looked down, lost in his thoughts. After a minute, he looked to look the princess in the eyes.

“I can accept that, but only under one condition. The girl will still be a maid and will still do her previous duties, just in different amounts. She will have time to, as you said, put effort and learn everything. And in the meantime she will bring her help by helping at the stables and other parts of the castle that might need her aid. Does that sound like a good proposition?”. For Hilda, of course it did. It was a perfect way to make Marianne stay and make sure to keep her self-esteem up, by using her talents. But it wasn’t her that had to make this decision.

“Marie?”, she asked her. Everyone’s eyes were on her, but she was standing in silence looking under her feet. Her eyes, however, didn’t seem foggy, as they often did, but calm. The girl was making a decision and when she decided, she picked up her head and looked Ludwig right into his eyes.

“Yes, your proposition sounds wonderful, sir. I promise to put in all my efforts into work. And thank you, for your kindness”, she said and gave a small bow.

“I see. I will talk to the headmaid then and we will work out a new schedule for you. Goodnight, ladies”, he said and simply left.

***

Hilda headed back to the garden. She went with Ingrid, to explain the Dorte situation to her superior, but apparently they already knew most things about it from other witnesses and, surprisingly, Ludwig, who explained their whereabouts. Because all stable workers knew about the horse’s temperament no one blamed Ingrid for the incident and she even got praised for handling the problem so quickly. 

“Maybe I even have a chance for a promotion now!”, she boasted and had a right to do so. “I’ll head to the dining room before I starve completely. I would invite you, but I guess a princess dining with her servants is against royal etiquette or something like that…”. She was technically right, even if Hilda didn't care about it. But she still couldn't attend, because she had something else to take care of.

“Sorry, Ingrid, I still need to see her. Another time, though?”.

“Oh… Yeah, sure”. She probably didn't expect her to actually agree. “Well good luck with… your talk… Goodnight”. And with that, she headed her way, with a walk a bit faster than usual.

On her way to the garden, Hilda wondered why Ingrid acted a bit weird just now, but she didn't have time to delve into that. She took a turn around and saw Marianne sitting on the bench, one of many in the castle garden. She didn't notice her, instead she watched the nearby birds jumping around on the ground. On her face was a melancholic expression, that seemed to be her natural expression. The sun almost completely disappeared and the sky behind had turned pink, which made for a beautiful contrast with her blue hair. It looked almost as if those colors were made for each other.

The birds must have taken notice of the princess as they suddenly flew up. Marianne also turned her head around in her direction.

“Oh, you're here”.

“I am!”, Hilda announced, taking a seat next to her. 

“You… wanted to talk to me?”. She didn't assume she was in trouble. That was an improvement. 

“Yes… Marie, I… I think I was a bit… unfair, to you”. Usually the conversations she had were like a game, where if she said the right things, in the right order she won. But finding the right words to describe her feelings, gathering her messy thoughts into sentences - that was something she didn't have much experience with.

“Un… fair? How..?”. The girl was genuinely confused and Hilda wasn't surprised.

*By that I mean… I kinda threw myself at you. I started to go to you on your shifts and help you, and I never asked if you're okay with that…”. Marianne wanted to say something, but she wasn't done yet. “I just recently realized that… Me getting close to you might actually hurt you… Other servants might start to hate you because of it, even your superiors might have issues with it… I want to say that I’m sorry I threw all of this on you. And… I will understand if you want to keep our relationship just… professional, I suppose”.

She felt like there was something else she could add, like not everything she had on her mind was expressed, but at the same time, it also felt like the right place to finish. Now everything depended on Marianne's response and whatever it was, Hilda had to be ready to accept it. 

She waited in silence, looking down on the bench. The moment grew longer and longer, but she wanted to give the other girl time. She didn't expect to hear a shaky sigh. Hilda looked up, just to see tears slowly leaving traces on Marianne's face. Her expression was calm, but sad, it seemed that she tried to say something, but had to breathe first. The princess felt a need to grab her maid’s cheek and wipe all of her worries away, but she knew she didn't have a right to.

“Hilda… I’m sorry… I’m sorry I made you feel this way… “. This wasn't what she expected. She thought the worst thing would be losing her, but watching her blame herself for mistakes Hilda made was something that didn't cross her mind. “I… never felt like you did something… wrong. I always like it when you come by. You always put up with me, no matter how much I mess up… I didn't have anyone beside you and… I don't know how I would manage without you… Even if I have more friends now, I still… still don't want to lose you, Hilda. Even if others will hate me for that… I just don't want to lose you…”.

The tears she was trying to hold this entire time started to flow, as she made a loud sob and lowered her face to hide this image of herself. Hilda wasn't able to think straight anymore and wrapped her arms around the girl as tight as she could. She felt warm on her shoulder, as Marianne let out everything she held for so long. 

“It's okay, Marie. I don't really want to lose you either”. The words she said were true, but she knew it wasn't the whole truth. She hesitated for a moment and added: “I don't know what I would do, if you didn't want to see anymore”. 

“Of course I want to see you…”.

“Yes, me too”.

They eventually let go of each other. When they did, Hilda realized she could see the moon. Marianne wiped out her eyes, with the handkerchief she carried. Her eyelashes still stayed wet, her eyes were shining with the faint lights. And she gave her a smile. Not the fake one, that she always puts on for others. It was a genuine smile that she never saw on her face before. At that moment Hilda had one thought: Is that what goddess looks like?

“I'm so happy that I met you, Hilda, my princess”, she said and made a slight giggle.

Hilda has wondered before, why was she so concerned about Marianne. Why out of everyone in the castle, did she decide to befriend her, to take her side, to favourite her. Now she knew the answer.

Oh.

Chapter Text

Over a month has passed since Marianne got her new position. Ever since she received her new schedule, her situation got drastically better. The familiar presence of Ingrid, who was always somewhere nearby eased her nerves about the sudden change. And it was a change for the better, since working at the stables was not only something she was good at, it also relaxed her. She quickly received praise from her co-workers that she wasn't sure what to do about, but even if she didn't admit it, it made her happy.

It also gave her more confidence and motivation to continue her other duties. Her skills at maintaining a household still left a lot to desire, but the more time passed, the better she got at it. And finally the day arrived, when the headmaid called her to her office to tell her that she decided that she was competent enough to not require extra supervision anymore and thus her job was secured.

“By the way, you know you had a day off yesterday, right?”, the headmaid told her when she was about to leave the office. 

“Umm… really? We have days off?”. Marianne truly heard about it for the first time.

“Of course you do, one or two times a month, depending on your performance. Didn't anyone tell you?”.

“Well…”. Her relationships with other servants weren't too close. Besides her usual awkwardness, making things hard, most of them didn't have much sympathy for her. Marianne now held an unusual position: on paper, she was just a maid like any other, in practice she was given tasks unusual for this position, which usually would indicate higher status. And there was her relationship with Hilda. Rumors have spread in the castle about her being favoured by the princess and thus getting special treatment. Because of this it was rare for anyone to speak to her. It didn't bother her though, because there were exceptions to this rule, such as her colleagues from the stables, who only cared about her abilities. And, of course, she had Hilda, who alone was enough for her.

“Then you know now. Since you didn't use any of yours… let's say you can choose one day where you can be off work. Just give me a word ahead, okay?”.

“Oh… okay”.

With that she left.

***

“What do you mean you didn't know you had days off?!”, Hilda shouted at her, making the entire library filled with her voice. Just a moment ago she was joyous, that she could visit Marianne again, but now there wasn't anything left after it. “You mean you didn't rest at all this whole time?!”.

“No! I do sleep at night… and read a book before that, if I have time…”. It was technically true, even if she quite often had troubles with sleep, her eye bags being a proof of that.

“That's not what I'm talking about! You need to relax sometimes!”, she said, as Marianne wiped another shelf. She knew it was coming from a place of care for her, so she didn't panic when yelled at. But she did feel guilty. “You should take that day off as soon as you can”.

“That's not necessary, really. I'm… not even sure what I would do…”. There weren't many things she liked to do, so having a lot of free time was always unpleasant. In those moments she would usually wander around, spend time with animals or read a book. But whatever it was she did, in every moment she felt that she wasted time and space, by not doing anything useful. That's what she liked about having a job. The feeling that she's being of use to someone.

“Hmmm…”. Hilda focused, trying to think of something. “I know! We could go out to the city!”.

“We…? You mean… you and I… together?”.

“Yeah! I mean, I don't have much to do here anyway. And going out alone is usually pretty boring, so I don't really do that and you shouldn't either”. “But… a-are you allowed to leave the castle like that?”.

“Well, I can, but I have to take Ludwig with me and he always drags some poor guard with us too. Interestingly, he seems to always pick the same one. I wonder if maybe he has a crush or something?”.

“I don't know if they would be okay with you taking out a maid like that… Besides, Sir Ludwig can be… intimidating…”.

“Oh, no, no, no, don’t worry. I would just sneak out!”, she said casually. Once again, Marianne didn't know how to react to Hilda’s way of thinking.

“Wha- But! What if they catch you? Won't you be punished?”. She was starting to worry more and more about her princess' safety.

“Don't worry! I’ve done that plenty of times already!”.

“But…”, she knew nothing she would say would not change her mind. That was one of the things she liked about Hilda, but she didn't know what to do, when faced with such a carefree attitude. 

She felt a hand on her own hand and noticed that the princess got significantly closer to her. She stopped breathing.

“Marie, I know you're worried and it's sweet that you care about me so much, but I can handle myself. And you do deserve to have some good time and if I can help you with that, then I absolutely want to”. 

Marianne did hear what was said to her and even understood the meaning behind it. But she couldn't focus on anything else, then the heat she felt from the other girl's body. About the close distance between them. How easy it would be to close it…

“Sooo…? Do you wanna go out?”, Hilda asked, seemingly not noticing anything weird with the maid. Marianne scolded herself in mind, for having thoughts like that.

“Yes, I… I would very much like that”.

“Great! I already can't wait! I will finally have a chance to see you in a different outfit than this uniform!”.

“Oh, well… To be honest, I don't really have… any other clothes…”.

Hilda stared at her shocked, trying to process the information that must have been against everything she knew. But then she grinned.

“Well, then I already know what we will do in the city!”.

***

Marianne waited near the fountain, hoping she was at the right place. She did spend some time in the capital before getting employed at the castle, but didn't know the city well enough to move around confidently. She looked around the crowd, hoping to stop the familiar pink, but all she saw were masses of people passing in all directions. The loud sounds of footsteps and conversations, combined with the constantly changing faces in front of her were starting to make her feel dizzy.

She felt a tap on her shoulder and turned around to see… a blonde girl. It took her a moment to realize she was looking at the princess herself, but with a different hair colour. 

“Did I scare you?”, Hilda asked with a laugh. Marianne wasn't sure what face she made, but “scared” was a good enough interpretation of what she felt just now.

“You- You're hair!”.

“Don't worry, it's just a wig. I like my hair too much to dye it! Plus, my brother could kill me for that. Like, for real”.

“W-would he, really…?”. It was the first time she heard about Hilda's brother, but she was already nervous at the thought of meeting him.

“Well, unusual hair colour is considered a sign of nobility and he does treat this kind of stuff pretty seriously, so maybe?”, she said, shrugging her shoulders.

“Right. Is that why you wear a wig?”.

“Exactly! And since I’m from the royal family, if I walked around with my hair out I would be surrounded by people. Not to mention, the word that the princess was seen in the city would quickly arrive at the castle…”. 

“Right, that's… clever of you”, Marianne said, trying her best at complementing the girl.

“Why thank you! Well, shall we go, then?”.

And so they began to travel the city. Though for Marianne it felt more like wandering, as she was led by Hilda through streets and alleyways unknown to her. It seemed that the princess really did go here often, since she could manage her way so well. As they went through another street, she spoke again.

“You know, I don't want this to sound bad or anything, but… have you thought about maybe getting a wig yourself?”.

Marianne understood where she was coming from. Ever since she arrived in the city she could feel the looks of everyone on her. It was all just quick glances, but all of them made her feel naked, like everyone could see right through her. She knew it was because of the unusual hair color, but couldn't shake away the fear that others looked at her and saw the grotesque she knew she really was.

“Nevermind that! Don't bother with all of them!”, Hilda said quickly. She must have sensed her uneasiness. “Just focus on our… outing!”. The girl stopped before the last word, as if she had something else on mind.

Marianne felt her hand being grabbed. Hilda held her, now standing next to her, shifting the maid's entire focus on herself. 

“Besides, you look too pretty like this to change it”, she said looking her in the eyes. Marianne 

felt her face burn up and turned her head away to hide it.

“Th-thank you”, she muttered and was quickly accompanied by a laugh.

“You’re welcome, pretty girl!”.

The rest of their way was pretty stray forward, with Hilda leading the way and Marianne hiding her blush. They finally arrived at the clothes shop. The princess apparently has been here a few times in the past, which made the other girl worried about the price tags. The inside of the store gave off a warm and cozy feel, with the wooden interior decorated with subtle ornaments and a few small lamps lighted in the corners, regardless of the time of the day. In the middle of the store different types of clothes were put on display and various fabrics could be seen laying on the tables.

“It's nice in here, right?”, Hilda asked and Marianne nodded with agreement. “So, is there anything in particular you would like to check out?”.

“Well… I don't really know that much about clothes, so…”. She felt awkward with her indecisiveness, but it didn't seem to discourage Hilda.

“Then maybe I will just walk you through and we’ll see what you like?”.

“Yes, that sounds good”.

Hilda led her around the store, but didn't just wander around and instead seemed to have a plan in mind.

“Okay, since you don't have much clothes, it's probably reasonable to get you some essentials. Like a few shirts, for example!”. Marianne hesitantly traced her fingers over a simple white button-up. The fabric felt pleasant and soft. “You like that one?”.

“Well, yes…”.

“Great, let's take it!”, the girl said, already picking up the clothing. “Maybe we could get you a blue one too? It would look great with your hair!”.

“Um… thanks, Hilda, but I’m not sure if I can afford that…”.

“What? Don't worry about that, I'll pay!”. She brought herself closer, to make sure the store worker, who kept an eye on them, wouldn't hear anything. “For the royal vault it will be nothing”.

“But is it okay to use the money like that?”. Hilda rolled her eyes.

“Have you seen our castle? Do you know how much those golden ornaments cost? Or the statue of my grandpa in the capital center?  My family uses those funds on stupid things like that all the time. This time it will at least help someone”.

For Marianne these words were a shock. The princess just put in doubt everything she was taught about the king and royalty. There were moments, when she asked herself, whether or not this kind of luxuries were not a waste of money. That feeling grew stronger in the past months, as she finally saw the lives of people living in poverty. But hearing it from someone else was what she needed to really accept those thoughts.

“You… I think you may be right… But still… there are more important things than me…”. She couldn't look Hilda in the face saying this, but when she finished her gaze wandered onto her. In her eyes, she saw pain.

“Marie! That's not true… Not true at all! You're worth so much more than you can imagine…”. She embraced her in a hug and the maid accepted it. She heard a whisper. “Let's get out of here now, okay?”. Marianne nodded.

They went out onto the street and sat on the stairs, leading into one of the alleyways. Hilda sat close to her, not able to hide the sadness on her face. 

“I'm sorry”, she muttered. 

“It's okay. I think everyone feels like that sometimes, even if some do it more than others. But I still should have listened to you. If that shop is too expensive for you, we can find something cheaper”.

Marianne still couldn't believe how understanding Hilda could be. She wasn't used to it for her whole life, so she still couldn't adjust to it. Even so, she loved it and felt calm once again.

“Yes, let's do that”.

This time finding a store took them more time, since Hilda usually didn't bother looking at the price tags. They did eventually find something that seemed to be what they searched for. A smaller building with a simple interior and a kind looking old lady behind the counter.

“Welcome, girls. Can I help with something?”, the woman asked. 

“Oh, we’re searching for some simple wardrobe for my dear friend here”, Hilda replied almost immediately.

They began to once again look through shirts and Marianne managed to find something similar to what she saw in the previous establishment. This fabric was not as smooth as the previous one, but was good enough for her. They then began looking through skirts.

“M-maybe you would want to try something shorter?”, Hilda asked her, pointing at a skirt that would reach a bit past her ankles.

“Th-that's a bit bold…”.

“Right?”, the shop owner joined the conversation. “My niece said that those would become popular. I shouldn't have listened to her, most ladies feel nervous showing off their calves”.

“Well, I think I would actually take one”, Hilda said, surprising both of them. 

“You are a bold one!”.

Marianne decided to stick with what she felt comfortable with. That way she managed to gather a small, but reliable collection of clothes. Looking at them she felt weirdly nostalgic. For years she didn't think she would ever be able to wear those kinds of things. She remembered the times of stealing clothes from her mother and returning them in a rush, before she knew what happened. When living with her step-father she couldn't do that anymore, so she instead improvised with what was given to her. In her room, in front of the small mirror she had, she would make the most beautiful dresses, crafted from old fabrics and towels. At least that's what they were to her. She smiled at the bitter sweet memories. She just realized how far she had come.

“There's just one thing left”, the old lady said. “I would like to know your body measurements, lady. You have a bit broader shoulders and I’m afraid some readjustments might be needed”.

Marianne suddenly felt nervous hearing that. Not just because of the woman pointing out one of her flaws, but the idea of being measured and compared to the norm was filling her up with the feeling of inadequacy. 

“Oh, um… I don't know them… sorry”. Maid uniforms were made in a few predetermined sizes, meant to fit many different body types. She didn't have to make any measurements to receive one and she didn't have a reason to take them before. 

“It's okay I have measuring tape somewhere around here…”, the lady said, as her arm went under the counter. It soon came back, holding a small item. “You can use the room in the back”.

“Thank you”, she said, taking the tape. But instead of making her way, she stood in place, trying to bring out the courage. “Um… Hilda? Can you… help me with that? I'm… not sure how to do that…”.

“Yes, of course I can!”. Marianne was afraid of annoying her, but the girl seemed surprisingly enthusiastic about it.

They went to the small backroom with dim light and shelves cluttered with items, a lot of which the maid couldn't recognize.

“Okay then, you can undress now”, Hilda said.

“...what?”, she asked, not sure if she understood.

“I can't measure you like that, this dress is too big”.

Marianne was just realizing what situation she was in. Her heartbeat suddenly raised. She was supposed to undress in front of another person. In front of Hilda. Her undergarments luckily covered her crotch well enough, to ease her worries about that. What wasn't covered were her arms. If the princess sees them, she’ll get scared. Scared of her.

“Marie? Are you okay?”. The voice brought her back to reality. “You don't have to worry, you know? I know it might be scary to show yourself like that, so I'm not judging. We’re both girls, after all!”. 

Marianne's thoughts disagreed. They were telling her that, no, she will judge. It's impossible not to, seeing someone like her. It's impossible to contain fear, when faced with scars that tell a story like this. When seeing proof of someone's sin and insanity.

With all her strength, Marianne took off her dress. She learned to believe Hilda more than her own mind.

The fabric fell on the ground, revealing her bare arms and the necklace she always wore, but never showed. Her forearm was covered in lines of different sizes, directions, colours. Some were barely visible, some still had pinkish tint to them. Some were memories from the days she didn't even remember, some carried stories she would never forget. But no scars appeared after the day she met the girl standing before her.

“Marie…”. Hilda stood with her eyes wide open. For the first since she met her it seemed that the princess couldn't find the words. The doubt creeped into Marianne's head. What was she thinking, showing this out of nowhere? 

“I’m sorry, Hilda… I know it's a lot… I'll cover myself”. She picked up her dress and started putting it on, but was stopped.

“No! It's okay. I just… this is… you surprised me… but it's fine. It’s really okay, Marie”. The girl gave her a smile, but Marianne noticed that her eyes shined more than usual. Tears started to appear.

“Hilda…! I’m so sorry, I’m sorry…”.

“I told you it's okay”, she said, with a small laugh. “I'm not mad at you, Marie. I'm just sad this happened to you”. She took her hand and squeezed it hard, as if not wanting to let go. The maid's vision got blurry, as she tried to stop her feelings from flooding.

“It's okay if you don't want to talk about this now”, the princess continued. “But if you want to, I’m here. And…”. She looked down, as if she didn't know whether she should say what she wanted to. “Please don't do this anymore. I don't know what it's like and how hard it is, but… please, if something happens… come to me, okay?”.

Marianne didn't know what to say. She wanted to agree, but would it be fair? Could she really guarantee that she’ll be able to keep the promise when the time comes? That she’ll be able to believe in it in the darkest hour?

The pink eyes looked at her, reflecting the dim light of the room. The blond hair above them made for a beautiful combination, but not getting close to the ideal she knew. The girl looked at her with no judgement or disgust that she expected. Instead, she accepted her, despite everything.

I love her, she thought, for the first time accepting what she already knew for so long.

If she couldn't put her faith into this feeling, was there anything in this world worth believing in?

“Okay. I promise, Hilda”.

***

They sit in one of many taverns in the city. The food arrived some time ago and Hilda was close to finishing her plate. Marianne ate slower and from time to time gave a small glance at the package beside her, that contained her newly bought clothes. Not all of them were there, after taking measurements it turned out some of them needed adjustments and she was meant to come back for them in some time. 

“Is there anywhere you would like to go after this?”, Hilda asked her.

“Well… maybe we could find a bookstore?”.

“Sure thing! I haven't read much recently, but I’ll find something for myself too”. 

“What kind of things do you usually read?”, Marianne asked, curious about the girl's taste.

“Well… To be honest when I was younger I read a lot of generic romances. And I mean, a lot”, she answered with a laugh and her friend followed. “I definitely need to try something new though”.

“Personally, I really like mystery books, so… maybe I could recommend something to you. If you wanted to, I mean”.

“Of course”. She gave her a smile, but after a moment she spoke again. “Actually I was curious, where did you learn to read?”.

It was a natural question, most commoners couldn't do it, at most they memorized certain words by their shape and knew their meaning without, but actually being able to read them. Even the tavern they entered used a sign with a drawing of ale and bread on it, instead of letters. She couldn’t tell Hilda everything, at least not yet, so she decided to say a half-truth.

“Oh… My step-father got me a teacher when I was younger. He believed it would be… beneficial for me. But then he always complained about me reading too much, so… maybe he regretted it”. She made a small cackle at the end, but the other girl didn't seem to share her sense of humour.

“I didn't know you have a step-father”.

“Well, I do. My parents died when I was pretty young and he was a friend of the family, so he took me in”.

“I'm sorry, if I started an unpleasant topic”.

“It's okay. It's just… it's complicated. I want to tell you about it someday. I think I just… need some time to process it myself”. 

“Okay, take your time. I’ll wait for you”, Hilda said. The words gave Marianne a weird sense of security. “Oh, you finished?”, she pointed out and the maid was surprised to learn that her plate was empty before she could even notice.

“Yes, it seems like”.

“Great! Let's go then. I think I remember one bookstore being somewhere nearby”. The princess in disguise stood up and was ready to go.

“Lead the way”, Marianne said, excited for the rest of their day together. 

Chapter Text

Hilda walked into her carriage and fell down onto the seat, before Ludwig even had a chance to step inside. She immediately started to slip out of the tight heels she was trapped in for the last two hours. 

“Ahhh…”, she made a sound of relief. “I'm never putting those on ever again”.

Ludwig took a seat opposite from her, the only one really available. He gave a sign to the carman to ride. They left the castle walls in company of other carriages, all of them containing dukes of different houses, their future successors or other, less significant children they probably planned to marry off. 

Hilda looked outside and noticed that it was slowly starting to snow again. It was just autumn, but this far north it was already time, when people took out their warmer clothes. She took the blanket she prepared in advance and wrapped herself in it. She could feel herself getting drowsy.

“I hate those fancy meetings”, she said, just to complain a bit, but her retainer must have interpreted it as an invitation to a dialogue.

“As a member of the royal family you have a duty to represent it before the rest nobility”. It was a dry sentence with no substance, that she heard more times than she could count.

“That doesn't mean I have to like it”.

“... That's true”, he replied, surprising Hilda. She always assumed he had no regard for her feelings. “You seem to have gotten better at tolerating it, though”.

“What do you mean…?”. She felt like she knew what he meant, but she wanted to hear it from him.

“You were… calmer tonight. You didn't make any harsh comments or disrupt the party. It actually seems like you made some conversations with the dukes”. 

“Conversations” was an overstatement, she just did some small talk and quickly dismissed any questions regarding politics, on which she knew almost nothing. But it was different than before. Usually she would just say whatever she wanted to say or whatever she knew would make some old fart boil with anger. But tonight, she just wanted to go back home as soon as possible.

“Though I have to admit”, Ludwig continued” that I got a little worried when the young Gautier approached you”.

“Worried? What, did you think I would punch that red hair in the middle of a party?”.

“Well…yes”.

Hilda didn't really blame him, since she already did that once with some purple haired snob once. This time, though, she controlled herself. Partially thanks to a certain boy from the house Fraldarius doing it for her, before she got a chance.

“May I ask you”, the retainer asked her after a while” where did that change come from?”.

She wondered that herself. Something changed in her in the last months, but she couldn't pinpoint what it was. But she noticed that she had more energy, she definitely was more active during the day and had more people to spend time with. She felt like she was on the right path, even though she didn't know where she was going.

Hilda just didn't need attention anymore. She always liked to think that she didn't care about anyone, but the truth was, she was just so desperate, that it didn't matter to her how others looked at her, as long as they were looking. Now there was truly only one person, whose opinion she cared about.

“I don't know. Guess I grew up or something”. She turned towards the window, wrapping the blanket tighter, preparing to sleep. She wished to dream about the blue-haired girl.

***

“Here, before someone sees us!”, Hilda whispered, pulling the other girl's hand. They were rushing through the garden during the afternoon, so they had to be quick to avoid attention. 

They stopped, standing close to one of the walls.

“Look, it's over this bush!”. The princess started to push aside the greenery that was hiding the bare rock of the wall. However, as she continued, something dark was becoming more visible. It was a hole, big enough for a person to crawl through it. 

“Oh my”, Marianne commented, seeing the revelation. 

“Ladies first”, Hilda said, pointing inside the bush.

“You're a lady too, Hilda", Marianne laughed.

“Maybe, but you're more of a lady than me”. The princess knew that the girl liked being complimented on her femininity. She noticed a smile on her face that was now turning into a slight shade of pink.

“Okay”, she said nervously going inside. Hilda followed her lead. 

They found themselves in a place that, at first glance, was simply a ruin of a garden. The plants that were planted here in the past have been out of control for a long time and grew wildly wherever they seemed fit to. A gazebo in the middle of the space, with a few benches scattered around, were all covered in greenery. However, looking closely, they were still functional, as if someone deliberately used nature as a decoration. 

“Do you like it?”, Hilda asked.

“It's… beautiful. So beautiful, Hilda”. Marianne looked genuinely captivated by the view. 

“I wanted to show you this place for some time now, it was just hard to find time between your work. I'm glad you can finally see it”.

“What is this place?”. The maid slowly walked forward, looking around and Hilda was right behind her. Marianne's reaction reminded her of a curious child and she couldn't get enough of it.

“My brother found it years ago. It seems that my grandpa went a bit crazy when he got old and had some paranoia around this garden. He gave an order to seal it off and didn't care about the plants growing here. Years later my brother found the entrance. It used to be our secret base when we were younger”. 

Nostalgia flew through her, thinking about memories of the past. These days she and her brother were not as close to each other, since he was always busy with his duties as a knight.

“Now it's more of my personal hideout, I go here when I don't want to have Ludwig on my back. Though, from time to time I do have to cut the plants, so they don't take over everything”.

“I didn't think you could do gardening…”, Marianne said, but her face looked regretful. “Sorry, that came out wrong…”. 

“No, don't worry, I wouldn't think so either. If I could, I wouldn't bother with it, but I guess nice things require putting in some work”. While finishing the sentence, she suddenly remembered one of the reasons she brought the girl here. “Oh! Speaking of nice things, let me show you something!”

Hilda grabbed the girl's hand, trying to be gentle, and led her towards the alcove. Under it was an old, but fairly well kept table and on it a small, blue box with a bow on top. Marianne looked at her confused and she pointed towards the item. The maid slowly opened the box and inside there was a pair of silver earrings, with shiny, pink gemstones in them. The girl looked at them stunted for a moment, before turning her head.

“Hilda… This is…”.

“For you! When I saw your necklace I thought something like this could work well with it”.

“This… where did you… get this from?”.

“I made it myself, actually! Making jewelry has been a little hobby of mine, I don't know, if I ever mentioned it. I know it's not perfect, there are some tiny mistakes here and there, but the gems are fine and that's most important”.

She was very excited to give a gift to her friend, but Marianne didn't seem to share her enthusiasm. Instead she looked confused, guilty even. 

“Is… something wrong?”.

“This is… I can't take it…”, she said and put the box down. This reminded Hilda of their trip to the city, how she couldn't accept the money Hilda offered her.

“I-If you're worried about the money, well, this didn't come from the royal family's funds. I bought those stones long ago and didn't know what to do with them. Bought them for my money, I mean!”. 

It wasn't entirely true. She did have her own savings, but they came mainly as gifts from her father or brother, so in result, from the royal funds. She also wasn't entirely sure what she bought the jewels for… but she could always put some of her money into the vault, right?

“No, it's just… I didn't… do anything to deserve something like this”. 

Her face revealed clearly that she really meant it. Hilda once again came back to the memories of the day they spent together. But still… there are more important things than me… Somehow this wonderful girl, perhaps the most wonderful person she has ever met, didn't see herself as worthy of the affection Hilda was trying to give her.

“You don't have to do anything. I want to give this to you just because… I like you. I just like spending time with you”. 

Yet Marianne still looked down, not convinced. Hilda didn't know what to say, what could possibly reach her. It was obvious, she couldn't just fix her perception of herself, but she could share her feelings with her. 

“I wonder… How do you see yourself? What kind of person do you think you are? To me, you're… really great, you know? You're so kind and patient and caring and… you might not see that, but you helped more than you think”. The maid raised her head and met the princesses eyes, with a face of confusion. “You really… really mean a lot to me and I'm glad I have you now”. The girl didn't seem to know what to say, it was hard to read her feelings, but Hilda noticed her cheeks getting slightly redder.

She wondered how much she should say. She was getting really close to fully revealing her true feelings, but was it a good time for this? No, she decided, consoling Marianne is the most important now.

“If you don't want to take this it's okay, I will understand. But… it hurts, knowing you think that of yourself. So I just want you- need you to know that you don't need to deserve this, okay? You already do”. 

She gently attempted to take the girl's hand and felt fingers curling up on her. Their eyes met again. Marie’s face constantly changed a little, as if she was trying to find a perfect face, to express herself. Going through sad eyes to smiles to raised eyebrows. But eventually she gave up and simply looked deeply into Hilda's eyes. Maybe the words are not necessary, to reach someone?

***

“Look, you hold it like that. And. Throw!”. Hilda swung her hand and the hand axe she held flew in the direction of the wood log. It stuck into the makeshift target and made it collapse on the ground. Hilda turned around with a big smile.

“See, it's easy. Now your turn!”. 

Marianne held a small axe in both her hands, which was an absolute contrast to her maid uniform and nervous face. 

“Well… okay”.

She tried to mimic Hilda's movements and pose, but it was easy to see she didn't feel confident doing it. She threw the axe, but her moves were too slow and lacked strength. The weapon flew low and hit the ground right before the target, not even getting stuck in the ground.

“You know, it takes practice to get it right!”, Hilda tried to reassure the girl. But Marianne didn't seem upset.

“Can I… try again?”, she asked with a spark in her eye.

“Of course!”, the princess said and made her way to fix the targets.

After the emotional moment with Marianne, Hilda decided to relieve the tension. And since the entertainments around them were limited, axe throwing was her go-to answer. She worried that the maid might not like it or take it for crude. But now she seemed to enjoy herself.

“Try letting it go a bit faster. And maybe put a little more strength?”, she suggested, as the girl took the throwing stance once again.

“Okay”, she replied. Marianne took a breath in and swung her hand. This time, the axe hit the log, but it didn't manage to stick in place.

“It seems that I’m not as strong as you”, she commented with a smile, still not discouraged.

“I'm not that strong, you know. After all, I’m just a delicate flower~”, Hilda said, putting a hand over her forehead in a theatrical manner. And she was rewarded with a cute giggle.

“That poor wood log probably has a different opinion”. It was the first time she saw Marianne so loosened up and joking. She liked that side of her. 

***

“See? This part of the wall got completely ruined over the years”. Marianne was standing right behind her and nodded, looking at the quite big gap, leading outside. “This way you can sneak out from the castle without going through the main gates”.

“That's how you got to the city that time?”.

“That's right! As you can see, it's a very handy trick, especially if you have an annoying retainer that won't let you leave the castle without him”. 

“Well… You are a princess, so… I mean, it makes sense he wants to keep you safe”.

“Yeah, I know that. But you saw it yourself, I can take care of myself”. Talking like this, Hilda worried that she might come off as a spoiled brat. “But, you know, I don't use that often anymore…”. 

“You used to sneak out often in the past? Sorry, if that's inappropriate…”.

“No, it's okay. Do you wanna take a seat? I kinda would”. 

The girl nodded in approval and they moved towards the gazebo. For a moment Hilda debated, if she should use this occasion, to ignore the question, but she didn't want to do that to Marianne.

“As for your question… Yeah, I guess I did that often. Sneak out to the city or just hide in the garden. To be honest… I used to hate the castle”. It was something she never said out loud or even put into words, but, nevertheless, felt for a long time.

“Why was that?”. 

Hilda wondered, what was the maid thinking right now. A princess, who complains about living in a big castle and having everything she ever wanted given to her from her birth. Yet her face didn't look judgemental. And in her eyes Hilda found understanding.

“It… just felt really lonely in there. When my brother and I grew up, he was out of the castle often and even if he was here he was too busy with his duties to find time for me. And I… I had more expectations on me. Ludwig became my retainer and wanted me to behave like ‘a lady from royalty’. I'm still not sure what that means, but I’m definitely not one”. She cackled, relieving her nerves. “It's kinda stupid, when you think about it. Saying that I was lonely in a castle full of people and then isolating myself from everyone”.

“I think… There's a difference between being alone and being lonely. And I don't think that's stupid. At all”. Hilda didn't expect an answer like this, but she did hope for it.

She now realized that they were standing right next to the benches over the gazebo.

“Um… Want to take a seat?”. They sat next to each other, with the gift still on the table in front of them.

“You remember the day when we first met?”, the princess asked, breaking the silence. “When Ludwig was giving you a tour?”.

“Of course I do… I remember I was so shocked when I saw you”.

“Yeah… Now I feel kinda stupid that you had to see that…”.

“To be honest, I was… kinda impressed? Of your confidence, to just step in like that and not think about everyone else's opinion”.

Once again Marianne surprised her. But she couldn't really feel proud hearing this. Instead, she felt like an impostor. 

“You’re nice, but… That's not true at all”.

“Hm…?”.

“It's not true that I don't care about others' opinions. The way I acted that day? I used to be like that all the time. Annoying Ludwig or my father, being a trouble for everyone. I recently realized that I did all of that, because… I just wanted attention, I think. There's no need to be impressed by this”. 

Hilda was never this transparent with anyone in her life. She didn't even think that deeply about her life before. She felt as if she ripped out her own heart, now holding it in front of this girl and it was all up to her, what to do with it. 

“You might be right…”, the maid started “but I think… that this only shows even more amazing things about you. Like the fact that you were able to see that… And I can't even imagine the courage to tell that to someone. So… my opinion of you doesn't really change. Does that make sense…?”

Hilda, to her own surprise, started laughing. At first she tried to control herself, but gave up quickly. Through her squinted eyes she saw Marianne's confused face, which only made her laugh harder. 

“I'm sorry- I’m sorry! It's funny, how- how nervous you are when- when you're trying to be serious! And you look so- so cute now!”, she said, holding her stomach. The mood started to disappear as fast as it came.

“Sorry again. I guess that's how I manage stress”, she explained, wiping tears from the corners of her eyes.

“Um… yeah, that's okay. You just… caught me off guard a bit”. The girl still seemed a bit confused, but the princess’s mood must have taken its toll on her too.

Hilda laid down on Marianne's shoulder and took a deep breath. She looked up and met the maid's eyes.

“You know… I think I started to change when I met you. In a good sense I mean. I stopped acting stupid and seeking attention… I guess I stopped being lonely with you”.

Hilda could feel her hands trembling. She didn't want to cross the girl's boundaries, but she also couldn't hide her feelings. She moved her head closer to hers, her lips closer to hers.

But in Marianne's face she saw that she was nervous. Not in the way you would expect in a situation like this. There was fear in her eyes. Hilda pulled back immediately, hoping that the maid didn't realize what she was trying to do. 

“Um… so anyway… I’m just, you know, thankful. For everything you did for me”, she said, trying to change the topic. 

“It's… nothing, really. I'm glad that… you feel better”.

Hilda tried to avoid Marianne's look for now and she noticed the blue box sitting on the table. She took it in her hands. 

“You know, you said you didn't do anything to deserve this. I said that you don't need to do anything to deserve it and I’m still standing by it. But if you really need a reason…”. She opened the box, once again showing the earrings. “Then what will you say, for this being a gift to show my gratitude towards you and everything you've done for me?”

She was prepared to be declined once again, she even expected it and wasn't going to push anymore after this. But Marianne surprised her, when her hand reached out for the box and gently put her fingers around it.

“If… If that's how you feel, then… I think not accepting it would be like not accepting your feelings”. She took the gift from Hilda's hands and admired them. “They're so beautiful. I can't thank you enough for this”.

The princess felt happy, seeing the girl's taking a liking to her gift. But she couldn't escape the fear she felt at the back of her mind. If she knows her true feelings, will she be able to still accept them?

Chapter Text

Hilda opened the library doors with excitement. Not only was she about to meet the person that always brightened her day, but this time she also brought some news with her.

“Marie! Did you hear about the oncoming ball-”, she stopped mid sentence, noticing the lack of the usual shade of blue in the room. Instead, a brunette maid was standing in one of the corners, wiping out the dust.

“Um… Sorry, wrong room!”, she shouted and closed the door.

But she knew it wasn't the wrong room. She memorized Marianne's entire schedule by now and she was supposed to be cleaning the library today.

Lacking any other ideas, she decided to visit another place she was sure to find the maid - the stables. However, when she arrived there was no sign of her either. She noticed Ingrid, brushing the mane of a pretty, white horse and approached her.

“Hey there”, she said, and the blonde jumped up, startled. “Oh, sorry!”.

“Don't worry, princess. I was a bit too focused on this. Did something happen?”.

“Did you happen to see Marianne? She… doesn't appear to be at work”.

“Wait, how do you… Do you have her schedule?”.

“That's not what I'm asking about!”.

Ingrid took a deep breath and finally started to answer the questions.

“She has a day off. Didn't she tell you?”.

“She does?”. It was a real surprise to her. She was sure that if the girl mentioned anything like that she would remember. “Well… I guess I’ll go search for her in her room”.

She turned around and was just about to say her goodbyes, when she felt a grip on her arm.

“Wait! She's not here, she went to the city. She really didn't tell you anything?”.

“What? Really?”. How was it possible she was this much out of loop? “Did she… tell you anything?”.

“Yeah. A couple of days ago she mentioned she'll be free today. And I met her earlier this morning, right before she went out. I was also surprised, so I asked if you're going with her or if she takes someone else, but she denied. She did look a bit nervous too…”. The girl furrowed her brows. “But we're probably overthinking it”.

“Yeah… I guess I'll go, then”.

“Goodbye, princess”.

“I told you, you don't need to call me that!”.

“It's a habit you know!”, she replied with a chuckle.

Hilda walked in the direction of her room, but she didn't really want to go in. Instead used the opportunity to walk and gather her thoughts. Did Marianne have some businesses in the city that she couldn't reveal? Could she be in trouble? 

Those irrational thoughts only made the princess more worried and she felt like she can't stand still. Marianne was the kind of person that doesn't ask for help, but that doesn't mean she doesn't want any, only that she doesn't think she has a right to. On the other hand, what right did Hilda have to get involved in her business if she wasn't asked for it?

Before she knew it, she was standing in front of her bedroom doors. What was she supposed to do? What was the right thing to do? What did she believe was right?

She came into her room. She opened one of the closets and took out a blond wig.

***

Finding one girl in the capital of a country turned out to be quite difficult. Hilda thought that the familiar blue colour would make the target of her searches easy to find, but she overestimated how good her eyes were. After wandering for a while, hoping for luck, she decided to take things more strategically. Marianne was a shy person, rather anxious about new places. It would make sense for her to travel through the parts of the city that she already knows. Following that line of thought, Hilda decided to go through the places they’ve been to last time.

First she checked the fountain that they met at. She looked around for a bit, but quickly resigned, since there was no reason for someone to stop here on a lone walk. She moved on to the bookstore they visited together. She went inside, took a stroll between the bookshelves and quickly left, not noticing the maid. 

Walking out she thought about another place to visit and she suddenly remembered that Marianne had an order to pick up from the clothing store. She rushed, hoping the girl didn't already take care of it and moved on. Luckily for her she made it just in time to witness the maid thanking the store owner and leaving. Hilda quickly hid in one of the alleyways and put up her hood. The girl was now wearing casual clothes that they picked together the last time. They had similar style to the uniform she usually wore, but had more colour and life to them. Now Marianne looked like a regular girl, yet her charm could not be hidden by just a change of style.

It was unclear to Hilda where the maid was going, but she carefully followed her. The girl seemed rather lost in her thoughts and so she didn't look back too often. The princess felt guilty, with what she was doing. She knew very well that this was an immoral act that breached her friend's privacy. All this time she tried to justify it, by her worries, but now it didn't seem like a plausible excuse. Marianne was just walking through the streets doing errands and looking at the shop windows. 

Perhaps Hilda had to face the truth that she tried to run away from. Marianne didn't tell her anything, because she wanted to distance herself from her. Against her wishes, the maid must have known what it was that the princess tried to do in the garden that day. She already knew that, deep down. The fear in the girl's eyes was real. What must have Marianne been thinking about her? Could she be afraid that Hilda would use her position of power to force her into something she doesn't want? She would never do that, but she also wouldn't be surprised of anyone thinking that, after all, there were always stories of nobles abusing their power. 

Hilda was ready to leave, when she noticed that the girl had entered one of the inns. It looked like a shady place, with old, rotten planks being one of the main building materials used, one of the windows being broken and the sloppily painted sign being the cherry on top. It was impossible that Marianne would willingly choose a place like this for lunch. Her previous worries about the maid having troubles now seemed more likely than ever. Hilda walked in, feeling worried, but also weirdly lighter.

The inside was exactly how she expected - old stools with shaky legs, holes in the walls accompanied by floor stains of unknown origins and almost burned down candles lit in the corners that only made the scenery more eerie. The clientele were mostly suspicious looking individuals drinking and looking at their own empty tables. She chose a table in a shaded corner and looked around for Marianne. The maid was sitting alone with a nervous face, being an absolute contrast to the location she was in. 

After a moment another person sat at her table. It was an old woman, with very visible wrinkles, wearing old rugs that could’ve once been a decent dress. It appeared that the maid knew the lady or even waited for her. They exchanged a few sentences that Hilda couldn't hear from her table. For a moment she wondered if she should sit closer, when she realized the conversation had ended. She noticed movements under the table. Marianne had given the woman a pouch and in return she received something she couldn't make out at first. 

A vial? No, it wasn't just one vial, it was a bigger supply, though she couldn't know the exact number. The old lady in front of her stood up and left. After a few minutes, one of the longest in Hilda's life, the girl also made her way out of the building. The princess didn't follow her, she needed to think. A large man approached her and asked her if she wanted to order. Usually she would never even think about consuming something coming from a place like that, but now she ordered a beer, even though she wasn't the biggest fan of it. Those vials… What could it possibly be that Marianne needed to buy that could only be bought in such circumstances? The answer popped up in her head. She tried to push it away but she couldn't find any other explanation.

Drugs. Was there anything else that someone would buy in such a manner? At first she couldn't believe it, it didn't at all fit with the girl she knew, but the more she thought about it, the more sense it made. Marianne was always a melancholic person, worrying too much, with self-destructive habits and probably other things Hilda didn't even know about. Was it really that bizarre that a person like this would search for escape? The real question was how big of a problem it really was? She wanted to believe it was just a one-time thing, but how would she know that person? Did other servants tell her about her? It was possible, but Marianne still looked relatively calm. Even if it was just a possibility, Hilda had to accept the idea that her friend could be an addict.

She emptied the cup before she knew it, left the coin on the table, not bothering with the change and left the inn. She was worried about confronting the girl. All this knowledge didn't change the way she looked at her and she wanted to help her. But would Marianne accept help from her after everything?

***

Hilda wasn't sure how much time she spent looking at the ceiling. It was already the next day and she still couldn’t bring herself to talk to Marianne. It was easy to excuse it with the maid’s busy schedule, but deep down she knew well that wasn’t the issue. She was just scared. Scared of telling her that she betrayed her trust, scared of the girl’s reaction, scared of what will change. Even though Marianne’s problems already existed, Hilda felt as if they wouldn't become real as long as she didn't say it out loud. As if everything she saw was just a result of her own twisted imagination and just her one word was enough to bring it to reality. But what she was scared the most, was who Marianne would become in her eyes. Right now, the image of her she had was broken, barely held together by her hesitation to act. If she moves, the pieces will fall to the ground and then… What did she really know about Marianne? Was the person she fell in love with even real?

She looked out the window. The sky was getting more light taints of yellow with every passing moment as the sun headed closer to the horizon line. She knew the maids will soon end their work and she will have an opportunity to talk to Marianne. The inevitability of this conversation made Hilda want to vomit from anxiety. She constantly tried to find different excuses to not do it today, put it off to the next day, week, month. But she knew that if she doesn’t do it today, Marie will suffer another day alone. This one thought was what gave her enough strength to get up and leave her room. 

She passed a lot of servants that she knew only from sight and made her way towards the section of the castle her friend was busy with today. Her mind rushed in rhythm with her heart and every step seemed to make her body shiver. She turned around the corner and suddenly fell into something soft. No, someone. She looked up and saw the blue hair that would usually make her so happy, but now she made her afraid.

“Hilda! I’m sorry!”, the maid said, stepping back.

“Don’t worry about it…”. She tried to gather the courage to say what she was planning to, but the girl must have noticed something in her behaviour. 

“Is… everything all right?”. The look of concern in her eye pierced the princess. 

“No. I… I”. This was it. The only moment she could change something. “I need to talk to you!”. 

“Oh… um, okay”, she replied with almost child-like simplicity.

“Not here, let’s go somewhere private”.

“Okay, but wh-”. 

Before she could ask, Hilda pulled her arm and led her in a direction unknown to her. They moved upstairs and quickly found themselves in front of the princesses room. 

“Here?! But those are your-!”, Marianne tried to protest, but was once again cut off.

“It’s okay. I just want to talk. If someone asks you about anything, you can just say it was my order”.

Hilda opened the door and walked in and sat on her bed and noticed that Marianne was looking around, taking in the new place. 

“It’s really nice here…”.

“Thanks… Um, I don’t really have chairs, so you can sit on my bed”.

The girl hesitated, but did as she was told. She sat close, Hilda noticed that she could feel the other girl’s body heat. The maid looked at her, awaiting the words that the princess tried to say.

“I… You… I’m… sorry”. She didn’t know how to start, only what she wanted her to know.

“You don’t need to be sorry”, Marianne said and it seemed that she was a bit amused. After all, the roles were usually reversed.

“I have to… I… You were… in the city yesterday, right?”, she asked, even though she already knew the answer very well.

“...Yes, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I just needed to take care of something and didn’t want to worry you…”.

“No! It’s okay, you didn’t do anything wrong. I… did.”

“What…do you mean?”. Her voice was getting a little shaky, a little worried.

“I… I followed you yesterday…”. She wanted to add something, to try to justify herself, to say it was out of worry for her, but none of it really mattered.

Marianne stared at her with a gap between her lips. Her eyes seemed to pierce through Hilda’s skin. The princess heard many threats in her life that she never bothered with, but now, without even a word, she felt as if a sword was hanging above her head, ready to fall down at any moment. 

“Why?”, Marianne finally asked.

“I… thought that you might have trouble… cause you left without saying… And I got worried…”. But did it change anything? She had done something awful and that was enough to want to deal with her.

“I understand. To be honest, one of the reason I didn’t tell you was so you wouldn’t worry… I’m sorry it came out like this…”.

“Please, stop saying you’re sorry… You have nothing to be sorry about…”. Her vision started to get blurry, as tears gathered in the corners of her eyes. “It’s me who needs to apologize. I never, never should have done that…”.

“But… You were worried about me… You didn’t mean any harm to me… In a way it’s nice…”.

Hilda couldn’t understand the way this girl’s mind worked. How could she simply not care? How could she find being followed ‘nice’? What kind of idea of affection did she have? What kind of life did she lead up to this point?

“Marie…you shouldn’t say that… It’s not… You can’t just overlook the bad things in people. Someone could use you, if you won’t be careful..”. 

Use her. Was that what Hilda was doing? She looked at Marianne and the girl’s face was full of conflict.

“It’s not that I don’t see them… And I understand that you…did something bad, but… I can’t help but feel happy about it for some reason. I can’t help it”.

“Okay, if that’s how you feel… then I won’t push anymore”.

Hilda wanted to protest, but what was the point of it? She couldn’t just change the girl’s feelings. It was something to work on in the future, but right now, the most important thing was addressing the biggest issue.

“But…I really wanted to talk about something else…”.

“Yes…?”, the maid asked. It seemed she was nervous. Was she also afraid of the moment this topic would come up?

“Well, yesterday you went into an inn… and I saw you, I guess…buying something…”.

Marianne’s eyes immediately widened and filled with dread, her face went pale. She tried to mutter something and needed many tries to gather something with any sense.

“I…wanted to…tell… I’m…sorry…”.

“It’s okay, it’s okay”, Hilda said, gently taking her shaky hands into her own. “I’m not mad at you. I don’t look at you any different”.

She wanted this to be true, she wanted to believe it was true, yet she couldn’t help but feel doubt at the bottom of her heart. Did she really look at her the same? Could she be sure nothing will change with time? If she learns everything about Marianne, will she still be the same person in her eyes?

”I understand that it must be hard to talk about this, but we need to, to help you. There must be some specialists that know how to help people who struggle with this… I swear I'll-!”.

“Hilda…what are you talking about?”.

Hilda was so focused on carefully choosing her words that she forgot to pay attention to the person she was speaking to. Marianne looked very confused. As if she couldn't understand anything from what she just heard.

“I'm talking about…the drugs”.

Marianne stared at her for a good moment, with her eyes wide open. 

“What drugs?”.

“The ones you bought…?”. She wasn't so sure of her claim anymore. “You mean to say that's not what it was?”

“No! How did you even think of that?”.

“I mean, what else could you have bought under a table in a shady place like that?”.

The maid seemed to want to reply, but stopped before starting a sentence.

“Look, you don't need to tell me”, Hilda jumped in. “I invaded your privacy enough. I'm just happy you're not a drug addict”.

“Of course I’m not!”, Marianne replied giggling. 

For a moment, it was as if the crushing weight of their conversation disappeared. But the unanswered question that still lingered in the air slowly brought it back. The conversation, even if delayed, would resurface eventually and it looked like Marianne didn't want to wait anymore.

“The thing I bought…how should I explain this? Those were…meds”.

“Meds?”, Hilda asked, puzzled. “But…why would you buy them from a creepy old lady like that?”

“Because…regular doctors don't make meds like this. My…condition…is something not a lot of people know about”.

Hilda didn't know whether she should, despite her curiosity, push any further, but Marianne continued.

“My body…I was…I was born… I was born with the body of a man!”, she finally blurted out the words with all the air she had in her lungs. “My…my soul is that of a woman and…those meds…are helping to make my body…the way it should be”.

Hilda had no idea how to respond. She never heard of a situation like this and wasn't sure what to think of it. There were a ton of questions she wanted to ask, but it didn't seem like a good time for that. 

“I know that's a lot to take in”, Marianne said, noticing Hilda's confusion. “I…think it might be easier to understand if I…explain everything from the beginning”.

“You don't need to! I mean, only if you're okay with this. You don't owe me that or anything”. 

“I know. But I want to”, Marianne said. She gazed outside the window, took a deep breath and started telling a story.

***

“I didn't know exactly what was wrong with me when I was a child, just that something was wrong. Because of my body everyone assumed I was a…boy. And, for a long time, I believed that too. But that was never true and I couldn't change who I really was. When my parents were still alive, I stole my mother's jewelry or clothes. When I think back to it, I think she must have noticed, but she just never said anything. They didn't mind that I didn't behave like a ‘boy’ should. If they lived I think things could have been way different. After their death I was taken in by my step father. You might have actually heard of him, he’s…Margrave von Edmund”.

Hilda was taken aback. Von Edmund was a noble name, she might have even met Margrave before. Thinking now, she seemed to recall a man with similar hair colour to Marianne's.

“You probably know that it's a noble name. My parents were a part of the family, but weren't involved . My step-father, though, was the head of the house as well as my only family, so he had to take me, otherwise his reputation could suffer”.

“So…”, Hilda jumped in “you're really a noble?”.

“I…come from nobility, but I don't know if I can call myself that anymore… I’ll explain in a moment”.

Marianne continued.

“My step-father was always a…cold type of person. He didn't bother with me too much, but he did uphold certain…standards. He didn't give me freedom to express myself and required me to act ‘like a nobleman’, but I don't think I ever met his expectations.

The older I got the worse I felt. My body changed with every day and I couldn't understand why it bothered me so much. I did live in a small castle but I had no one to talk to besides the animals. All of that…was one of the reasons why I started…”. She didn’t say it out loud, instead she looked at her wrist and touched it with her hand. Hilda understood what she meant.

“Luckily for me, in return there was a library rich with books. Back then, I spent most of my days reading, making my step-father even more disappointed in me. And one day I found the book, I can't even remember the title anymore. It was quite a boring read to be honest, mainly just the author's thoughts about the concept of the soul. However, in it he brought up a case of a person, with a body of a woman but who claimed to have a soul of a man. The condition wasn't given a name, but reading that person’s testimony for the first time in my life I felt like someone understood what I felt. 

From that point on I was both more free and more trapped than before. I was happy that I knew who I was and that I could change myself to be the way that I wanted to be. After some time I managed to get my hands on the medicine and I felt happy for the first time in a while.

But at the same time, it only became more obvious to me that others don't see me the same. Even with my body slowly changing, my father couldn't accept me. And because of that a few years later… I runned away. I left the castle leaving only a note behind. For the next few months I travelled across the country. Luckily, I had enough money not to starve or sleep on the streets. I had some small jobs on my way, but finding something stable was hard. Then I arrived at the capital and heard the royal family is recruiting new servants. And, well I applied, got the job and…met you”.

Marianne finished her story, the room fell silent. Hilda had to take a moment to digest everything she just learned and the maid understood, waiting patiently. Marianne seemed like a mysterious person from the moment she laid her eyes on her, but she could never predict a story like this. Now it made sense why she didn't know much about cleaning - nobles aren't taught such things. Her unusual hair colour and ability to read also made sense now. 

However Marianne’s condition was what she had trouble understanding. It’s not that she didn’t believe her, she just couldn’t fully wrap her head around it. Hilda was a woman, because that’s what she was born as, she never questioned it. For her, it was just a matter of her body. But if she was born a man, would she feel the same? She came back with memories a few years back, when her brother was bustling with pride because a bunch of thin hair appeared on his face. She felt a shiver run down her spine, imagining the same happening to her. Was that what Marianne meant? Being born with a body of a man…just what exactly did it mean for her? How could meds change that? How exactly was Marianne different from her? There were so many questions she wanted to ask, so much more she wanted to understand about her, none of it seemed appropriate to ask now.

But there was one thing Hilda was sure of now: Marianne was still Marianne. She was still the same person Hilda knew…

No, that was wrong. 

There was a difference. She now knew more about her, she better understood who Marianne was. Of course that, in her eyes, she was different now. She was now looking at a new, more clear version of Marianne, similar but in many ways so different from the girl she knew before. And Hilda could feel herself falling in love again. 

“You know, that is a lot of information… I can’t say I understand everything about you and I might need some help with that later. But…that doesn’t change anything to me, you know? You’re still you”.

Marianne gave her a sincere smile and her cheeks were suddenly flooded with tears. Hilda pulled her closer and she embraced it so naturally as if they practiced it before. Hilda realized that the same scene had happened a few times in the past, each time Marianne accepted the warmth she tried to give her with less hesitation. Looking back, they all seemed like a rehearsal for this moment.