Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

LEO

Today was going okay.

(If okay meant I was dying on the inside)

I was in the engine room, as per usual, doing my repairs that never seem to repair. Occasionally making an upgrade so the ship goes faster and/or smoother.

Talking to festsus sometimes when I have the few moments to do so.

I didn't even realize I missed breakfast.

Well, it's not like that was new news though.

I always skip put on meals.

Usually, I would put the food in a napkin and on my toolbelt to throw away later, it always made me feel bad that im wasting food.

But I don't deserve the food either.

Never have and never will.

Voices spiral in my head.

They always do.

Why do you even try anymore?

Piper probably doesn't even care about you.

You deserve all the hatred towards you.

You know it.

You should just die you bitch.

Your not even a real boy.

It's pathetic.

Your pathetic.

A wannabe boy.

A whore.

A slut.

No wonder you were abused.

You deserved all the pain and suffering that was brought to you.

You know it.

You should just kill yourself, then you will get to the fields of punishment.

Be tortured.

You deserve that.

Flashbacks to back then flash in my mind.

The horror, the hands on me, the knife and gun. The scars, the cigarettes, the smell of blood and drugs. The starvation.

The foster homes.

You will never deserve love.

And you know it.

A knock on the door is heard.

I get up - i mean - down from my spot near the ceiling, making sure im smiling and bright as I open the door to...

Piper.

"Hey leo, it's lunch. Come on, let's go eat." She says, reaching out to me. 

I flinch, not enough that she notices so it's all good i guess. 

She grabs my hand, pulling me to the mess hall where I will have act okay again.

But I always have. 

So what's the difference anyways?

As I walk into the room eyes are set on me.

Why? How the hell would I know....

I must look filthy!

I must smell bad to...

They probably hate that im here, why did piper have to bring me here. It's not like I'm eating anything anyways.

"Hey leo! How are you doing?" Jason greeted happily, smiling at me with his blue eyes.

I smile, making sure I look like the jokester. instead if the quiet loner who would rather be in the dark with some pipes clears right now. "HI Jason! I'm doing great! Never been better!" 

More like never been worse.

Hahaha, can't say that infront if them though. 

Would cause them to ask questions or look at me the wrong way. In that worried and confused way.

Can't have that happening.

Annabeth looks up from her blueprint or scroll she has. 

She's a workaholic like me, so she understands that I just work and work right?

(Enough for me to forget the things to actually survive.)

But her eyes show otherwise, she looks me up and down. Eyes hinting with something I don't understand yet, pity? Anger? Concern? Bitter? I don't know, it's so unreadable to me.

She sighs, looking me in the eyes, I aim my eyes at her hair instead. I always hated eye contact.

The foster homes were not nice about that...

 "Leo, when was the last time you ate something? Or slept?"

It was a simple question.

But it was a question that I have much trouble answering.

I glance to the left at the calender,we keep it there so all of us know the date. It gets hard to keep track when your on a quest, in a warship, about to die at every turn.

...

It's thrusday.

It's been 3 days since I ate and slept.

Well, I haven't slept in a week actually.

But it's not that bad though!

I have gone longer and don't need sleep!

And hunger doesn't bother me, sure it hurts sometimes but then it fades.

So it doesn't matter.

I'm not dieing.

I just don't feel hungry,and besides, eating makes me sick. Causing me to throw it up anyways.

(Sometimes I just force myself to throw it up.)

I look at the calender, hoping the longer I glance at it the date will change so my answer sounds good. 

I sigh, looking towards Annabeth again. "I ate yesterday-"

"No you haven't, don't lie to us leo." Jason scolds. Looking at me with sincere eyes.

Annabeth and piper nod in agreement. "Yeah leo, we haven't seen you even leave the engine room since the other day ago, and you most certainly have not eaten."

I stay silent for 2 seconds, 2 seconds to long, "I have, I have some food stashed in the engine room. Just incase there are to many repairs, ones that I can't leave from to actually leave the room."

I hope the lie is good enough.

Maybe I should have a fake stash of food just incase they check or visit me sometime in the engine room.

...nahhh, they never go in there unless it was to get me to socialize, breath air, and eat and drink something (or at least try to).

Not the energy drinks that (not really) helps me stay awake.

They look for any traces of me lieing before nodding. 

Good they believed me. 

"Oh okay, well, how have your repairs been going?" She asks me with a intense stare.

Dies she not believe me? Is that what the stare is for?

I smile wider, even as it brings pain to my face. Every smile cuts like a stab. "I still have some repairs to do, I should actually get back. Before sometimes bad happens, I will eat something though! But I really should get back to work..." I exclaim, leaving before they can even dare to protest I'm out, waving my hand in goodbye as I retreat back into the engine room.

My only safe place on the Argo 2.

The one place where i can be alone to rot.

Where I can think and not have to fake.

But is it really faking if it's all I know now?

...

I don't know...

...

Whatever.

It's time to get back to work.

PIPER

I sit down in defeat, looking at my plate.

I was hoping to get him to talk again, to talk to us.

I was hoping that he could try to connect with percy, hazel, and frank. Even Annabeth. 

Although at least she, after learning more about him durinng oir time at camp, has became one of his friends. The only one with the brain that can understand leo and his mumbling.

Something me and Jason can't do.

But percy, frank and hazel are different.

They don't seem to like leo. 

They are careful around him, bitter.

Hazel is nice to leo, she sometimes joins him when he bakes or cooks. 

He loves showing her new recipes.

She is still weary of him, confused about his nature and personality.

Frank is bitter towards leo, even though I know the reason it still makes me feel a tad bit irritated.

He obviously trys his best, but leo, being leo, makes jokes. I mean, he did accidentally joke about franks weight. 

Which was wrong but after days without water or food. Likely longer without sleep, he obviously wasn't right in the head to be doing anything.

A day after he apologized for a whole 10 mins without stoping, and even then all of us said it was okay and he could stop saying sorry.

I guess he still rubs off him the wrong way. 

Which is fair even though he still hasent really given leo a chance to actually try to be friends.

Percy has acted a bit sour when leo is around.

Likely do to him blowing up new Rome, same with the same with the first to actually.

He has most definitely blames leo before finding our about him being possesed.

He loosened up on leo a bit, but not enough to even be close to being friends. More like coworkers who don't seem to like the other.

Leo seems to understand why, or doesn't.

He seems hurt, and likely blames himself.

Me, Jason, and Annabeth wanted to help them all get along.

Annabeth even said that percy and leo would get along great if they actually talked it out. Or tried harder. Which was part of her reason for helping me and Jason.

Today, we tried to get him out, to joke again, to be the light we all need again.

We missed him.

None of us know what he's going through, his head. I wish he would talk to us again.

I wish we could finnaly give him peace.

Why?

Why can't i just give him that?

Why can't i give him the care he deserves?

Why?

"I guess we should eat now, we can't do anything to help leo right now. He obviously wants to do his repairs." Hazel suggests, making my mouth go sour.

Annabeth scrunched up her nose, but stays quiet.

I don't talk much during lunch, just thinking about leo.

Oh how I wish I could understand him more.

I really do wish.

I wish we could have the same bond we had back at the wilderness school.

I wish he was okay, even if he wasn't before anyways.

I wish he felt safe again.

HERA

I look down at the argo 2, as I usually do now, making sure a certain demigod is okay.

Well, at least a little okay.

He hasn't been okay since... his mother's death.

I wished I could've helped him, to save him from the pain.

I wish I could've done more.

As I watch the six at the dining table, looking a bit gloomy, I decided I should do something other than watch this.

I should help them instead.

But what should I do?

How can I get them to understand leo bit more? To understand why he acts the way he does? To help them help out leo so he feels safe again, safe again like how he was when his mother was still alive.

That's when the thought struck me.

I should have them watch his memories! Let them see what his past was like.

Then maybe they could understand him, maybe be more patient with him.

Maybe know how to help him come out of his shell, his mask, get him to a space where he can be himself again.

Once he knows how to be himself again...

He is never himself since that place now.

But I'm determined to help him.

Even if he is going to hate this idea with every inch of his being.

I teleport in the room, bringing nico (somehow being Leo's friend, a close one at that), thalia, and Reyna. 

Thalia is here because she is Jason's brother and because it's good for her to leant about leo. 

Reyna here for basically the same reason.

"HERA!" Everyone screeches, pretty sure if I wasn't a goddess my ears would actually bleed.

I wonder if leo heard that, hope not.

Annabeth glares with all the hatred she could muster after years of knowing me. "What are you doing here?" She asks.

"To help, that's all."

Thalia raises an eyebrow, "Oh really? How so?"

"And why?" Percy adds.

"I see that some of you guys want to get closer to leo, understand him, help him." I look at piper, Jason, Annabeth, and nico as I start. "The rest of you guys seem to be.... rude to him. Like he's and irritating fly. He is not doing so well, but he's trying. Which is why I am here to tell you that you I'll watch Leo's memories. From when he was 0 years old to now, and don't worry, time is frozen, coach is in his room frozen. This will take about a week which is all the power I have and can spare."

Frank glares, "what? None of us are rude to him!"

I sigh and glare back. "Yes you have, don't try to argue with me. I have been watching over this ship, what's been happening is not to my likeing at all."

"But queen hera! Isn't this just invading his privacy?" Piper asks, eyes that are half glaring and half confused. She was always trying to protect leo. She always acted like a protective sister when it comes to him.

"It's for his own good, he needs help and I will do anything to give it to him."

She nods in understanding after a few moments, obviously not liking the idea but wanting to help leo is more important.

The rest seem unsure, but they don't fight.

"So how is this gonna work?" Nico questions. 

Some of the others look at him with shocked expressions. He usually doesn't talk, especially not with a such a sincere tone. He looks like he wants to stab me.

He's like Leo's over protective friend.

It's still hard to imagine him as being his friends, but I'm glad leo has nico as a friend. 

They do make a good duo.

I explain how I'm going to set up a room with a TV, it will show Leo's past on it. They will have food and water always. They will take breaks to eat and sleep. Also all the other things humans need to do. It will start with his childhood going into this quest. Then it's done. 

"I'm going to get leo." I wave my hand, creating a TV in the common place with extra con for them to sit on. 

They nod, saying nothing. Watching me leave to get our guest of honor.

I knock before walking in.

"Hey pi-...hera!" He yelps, walking back few steps before relaxing.

I open up my arms, giving him a huh. "Hey leo," I say, stepping back once more.

"Why are you here?"

I explain everything to him.

Once I do he breaks into tears, shocking me, he almost never cries. Even then, if he does it's silent. No noise.

He sobs, begging me to not do this, "they will hate me! Abandon me! They will leave me! Please you can't do this!"

He falls to his knees.

I sit down near him, pulling him into a hug, eventually he is sitting in my lap. Just as he did when he was small when he got hurt.

"It's okay leo, they won't hate you. They already agreed to do this. This is for your own good."

"Promise?" He whispers. Calming down a little.

"Promise." At that he calms down, already getting up. 

"Okay..." he still sounds unsure, but at least he's agreed.

We walk into the room, he takes the TV in. Wincing at it, then glaring at it like it broke festus's wings.

The rest left the middle of the the counches to him. 

He sits down, not even trying to smile bit instead scowling. 

The others look at him in shock at his actions, as he usually smiles and laughs, making jokes left and right.

Now he does none of those.

I dissappear in a flash.

I hope this was a good idea..

Chapter Text

LEO

10

Why did I agree to do this, they are going to abandon me just like verybody dies. They will leave, or give me up to the police for what I've done. Then I'm back inthe system. Back where I will die. 

To the place where I hoped to find comfort but instead got harsh hands threating to hit me, or throw that glass bottle at me.

It's like I can still feel the broken glass in my skin, or their hands that decided i was their punching bag.

Which I am I guess.

To the place where mistakes eanr starvation and harsh words.

Starvation is a comfort now, reminds me I'm real and alive. Even if I don't want to be.

To the place where I learned being Trans makes you a target.

I can still hear the laughter, they mocking, their stares, they fingers that point at me, their judgment.

To the place where I learned my body really isn't mine, that crying just causes more hurt for yourself, that you should be careful to keep listening so you don't get caught off guard.

I remembered the footsteps and door openings/closings. Or if they are dragging something.

Like a body, dead or alive.

I shiver.

To the place where I gave up, where I got pictures taken of me and posted or sold.

I can still remember the stares and the flash of that camera.

To the places where I learned love is not unconditional, where I have to earn it. I have to earn my place, the food I eat, the water I drink. 

Although they had to feed me anyways,  ant have me dieing no matter how much they want me to. Apparently thats to much paper work or are just to stupid to get away with murder and such.

Wish they let me starve.

Where if your not above perfect then your as good as trash.

I'm no where near perfect, I'm just a piece of shit that somehow can't even kill themselves correctly.

9

They will find put I'm not a real boy. A faker. They will find out that the only use i am is that I can be used for their pleasure. That my body isn't mine but theirs.

That I'm just a toy to be played with over and over because I don't matter.

A doll to be ripped apart, to play dress up and put back into a box where they will only be taken out when they can be useful for once.

(Does that make the engine room my box?)

But I don't have much of a use do I?

What is even my point of life? Why am I still here and existing?

An actor who preforms everywhere, anytime, all the time. With fake smiles with fake laugh as they skip around all over for no reason other than to seem anything but miserable and sad.

Cause I don't even deserve to feel sad, others had and have been going through worse.

8

They will find out that I'm a murderer. That I killed my own mom. That my fire is a curse, that they should just leave me for dead. Cause who kills the only person who loved and cared for you?

I bet the only reason piper, jason, and nico even talk to me is to make sure I can still be of use.

Or to see if I died yet.

Maybe they keep me around for shots a giggles.

That would make more sense than this.

Annabeth probably hates me along with percy, hazel, and frank. 

7

They will find out how tired I am. 

Not just tired but tired, tired of life. Like I'm detached, sleep doesn't even help me out.

I even lost my enthusiasm in things I would've lived before.

Like, I still like to build things, but now it feels more dull, I used to make flower crowns but that doesn't help feel how empty I feel. I used to make friendship bracelets but I stopped that to.

I feel so unfocused... I keep on making mistakes that should not be made once.

I feel detached and numb.

Gods I'm such a freak, can't even say how I feel because that will make them worry.

Will they worry though?

And then I will feel bad because what kind of monster makes other people worry becayse of something stupid like this?

It's not like it means anything.

6

They will learn that i don't even deserve to be shown food, that it's like a crime if I eat it.

I don't deserve food, food is for the people who are not me. Not a disgusting creature. Not someone who still hasn't proved themselves worthy if it, not someone who still hasn't earned the right to.

I still have to prove my worth.

What if they realize how eating food makes me feel like throwing up and try to force me to eat it just to see me suffer?

They won't... right?

Right...

5

They will find out about my cutting problem...

But is it really a problem? I mean, I deserve to be punished for all my mistakes.

And I make plenty.

What I'd they stop me from punishing myself? What if they take away the only thing keeping me in check? Keeping me together?

4

Will they have to listen to my thoughts? To the voices that plaque me? 

What will happen then?

Will they say that the voices are true, that I'm useless and finally get rid if me?

3

Whay if they try to give me pity?

I hate pity, I don't deserve it and it's always fake. 

They will just use it against me anyways...

2

Gods why us there even a timer!

I just want this to end already!

It's stupid.

(Just like me.)

1

...

Starting

I wish I could just die.

Little me was in a bright, cold room, the lights seeming to glare down as light footsteps that seem to come from every direction.

In my mother's arms, I sleep, bundled up in a blanket. Looking peaceful. Pointy ear sticking out, I look soft, as the dark world hasent touched me yet. I sleep on her arms with no problems and interruptions.

Wish I could sleep with no problem now. 

Now I can't sleep without a nightmare of past times.

"Awwww Leo you look so cutee," Piper coos along with percy.

Nico shakes his he'd solemnly, "what happend to you?" He says seriously. But his smile that goes barely unnoticed by me displays his joke.

I gasp in mock offense, "trauma," I say blankly. 

Me and him laugh, we have joked about our past before, often finding comfort in one another. 

Well, I joke, nico sometimes just shares random bits on the middle of night when he feels the most comfortable. Sometimes jokes though, just not often and very, very rarely.

The others give us weird looks, percy and Annabeth seemed so shocked I'm scared that will be their permanent face forever.

We ignore them as the memory plays on.

She's tired, after the hours spent on giving birth.

A nurse walked in, "Miss Esperanza. Congratulations on your baby girl."

I wince, havent been known as a girl in a while.

Ugh this is going to suck.

l and at the gasps of shock erupted. 

"WHAT?"

"GIRL?"

"YOUR A GIRL LEO?"

"HOW DID WE NOT KNOW?"

"WHY DIDNT YOU EVER TELL US?"

"GUYS!" Everyone shuts up, nico scowls. "God's, you will never get your answers if you don't guve him a chance to even say a word. Also, it's his business if he's a girl or a boy. It's also his choice if he wanted to tell us."

It goes quiet, but soon is broken by me. 

I swallow, "it's okay nico-"

"It's not."

"I will share later okay? I just want this to end."

I wait for a few seconds, have and half staring at the ground. Trying to hide my discomfort.

"Okay..."

"Sure Leo, whatever makes you comfortable."

"Sorry leo, we shouldn't have just sprung up on you like that.."

I look up, shocked. I didn't expect them to be so calm after there yells that could be heard from the deepest parts fo the underworld. "No- there is no need to be sorry, it's fine really.." 

Gods can't I do anything right! They have every right to know why I dint tell them.

And now they feel bad...

And I feel like shit for that.

"It's not but okay leo,"

"Thank you, and just call me Esperanza please." She answers, looking up from leo for the first time in a little bit.

"What would you like to name her?"

I wince again, I haven't been called her since I was barely 12. 

Being called her is weird and makes me want to throw up all my insides while ripping apart my body.

I hope no one notices my discomfort.

After all, that would ruin the illusion of me being unbothered by everything and anything.

"Emilia, Emilia Sammy Valdez."

Even if I don't go by the name anymore, it still makes my skin itch.

Memories of my childhood before it all went wrong sprung up in my head.

I shake those thought away, deciding to not think about that.

You can think? Now that's new.

They will leave you after this you know, this is only one thing they don't know about you, what will happen when they find out more?

They are already going to leave you, they are only here because they were forced to.

The nurse smiles, "thats a beautiful name"

"Thank you,"

I sit staring at the screen, refusing to look at anybody, and definitely not meating their eyes that stare right at me.

I can feel it, there eyes, looking at me.

Reminds me of when I was watched everywhere, the eyes that never seem to go away. Never leaving me alone.

"What are you looking at?" I say calmly, like im not having a crisis at all. Yep, not. At. All. Definitely.

Maybe I should get a happy meal, I mean, they are supposed to make you happy right?

That's what the name implies right?

They look away, back at the screen.

Thank the fates it drives their attention away from me. 

Or maybe it hasent, and their pretending so they can't catch by surprise!

Well that's not nice!

(What am I doing? Joking in my mind so I can feel somehting other than whatever this is? Thats pathetic. Really pathetic.)

Chapter Text

PIPER

I knew leo was trans, I found out in the wilderness school when I snuck into his room without him knowing.

That's when I saw him wearing a binder.

His shock is unforgettable, he nearly cried. 

He thought I was going to just leave him, to hate him.

He calmed down after a while, but I can still tell he's still nervous.

I know he thinks that I don't notice, that i don't see him flinch away, that I don't see him hide his food to throw away, that I don't notice how he doesn't sleep.

But I do, maybe I haven't always, but I noticed after some time. Saw the patterns in his actions.

Right now, he sits, his hands tremble with quiet panic. Like he's trying to not jump up and attack the screen.

But he doesn't, instead he just stares at the screen.

Small leo and a women sits in a chair, it's brown and old, has some blankets on it.

"Leo who's that?" Percy asks, curious eyes of all of us stare at leo. 

Leo sighs, "that women is the goddess who decided to share my memories with ya guys. Hera."

"WHAT!?"

"HUH?"

"WHY IS SHE THERE?"

"IS THAT WHY SHE WAS WATCHING US?"

Leo's eyes shoot up from the screen, "w-what..? Watching us...?" He asks, looking so mortified you wouldve thought that festus had been broken beyond repair for good.

I flinch at the thought, it breaks me to know that leo has suffered so much, and having festus break like that only added to it.

I just wish leo could have just a moment to breath. To take a break.

But he can't, or won't. 

But why is he so scared of hera watching us? 

Is he hiding something big?

"Yeah.. she said she has been watching over us. Which was a shock, and said that we need to... treat you better, and to do that, we need to yet to know you." Frank explains as he looks away from him in guilt. 

Leo doesn't seem to not notice this, just stares at the screen with a newfound hatred.

I never seen leo this mad before, or mad at all really. 

Sure he got annoyed with the rumors with us dating.

But he was never mad mad. 

Hera rocks him, singing some sort of song he can't understand yet. It's in a different language.

"Antient greek,"

"I know that now."

"Why is hera there anyways?" Jason asks, asking a question I just know all of us were about to ask.

Leo answers instantly, "she's my babysitter."

...

"What."

Leo huffs a laugh, "well my mother was busy in the workshop, and hera was our only option." He answers fiddling with his hands.

There must be more right? He's nervous. I can feel it.

I don't ask, I'm sure if it will be shared on the screen soon.

I don't know how I feel about this still...

One one hand, leo hates this, I'm pretty sure he even cried before entering this room, and I hate seeing leo this uncomfortable ya know?

I just want leo to feel okay again, to be happy, to feel safe and free.

One the other hand, this will help us get to know leo, to understand him more.

And if we understand him we can find good ways to help him feel okay, to feel safe and happy. 

But I wish it didn't involve whatever this is.

His eyes close slowly, a soft smile visible on his face. Looking calm and at peace in aunt tia's arms. 

She picks him up, walking over to the fire place.

"Is she..?" Hazel started. "Gonna put you in it?"

"No,"

She puts him in it, Settling him down gently. 

Leo looks like he's trying to hold in laughter, hazel looks shell shocked.

All of us yell, hazel curses a little and so do I because who the fuck puts a baby in a fire place?

"WHAT THE FUCK!"

"WHY DID YOU SAY NO LEO!"

He laughs harder before coughing, "guys chill, I'm fine." 

...

"Did she even know you had fire powers?"

"..no?" He smiles nervously, looking down at his hands as he twists his fingers. 

"WHAT!?"

"WHY!?

"SHE COULDVE KILLED YOU!"

Leo claps his hands, causing everyone to go quiet. "Huh that actually worked. Anyways, yeah she didn't know I have fire powers, at least bot entirely. She was assuming-"

"That's so dumb," mumbled Annabeth, glaring at the floor like it owed her a million bucks.

"-i had fire powers. She put me in there to see if I really did have fire powers-"

"Why though?" Reyna interupts.

He hugs, "you will find out later okay? Yes she could've killed me, but honestly? That sometimes sounds-" He pauses, going still

"Sounds what?" Reyna asks firmly, staring intensely at leo.

"Never mind, it's nothing. I guess I wouldn't have really cared if I died then. That's all.." he mutters the last 2 sentences, so quiet that even me, who is sitting right next to him could barely hear him.

He wouldn't care if he was dead?

He hates life this much?

How did I never notice that it was this bad? This bad that he finds death is better than living?

Am I a bad friend? 

I shake my head, trying to get rid of the thoughts to focus on leo. 

Who now sits indifferent, if not looking a bit anxious.

No one says anything, nothing about how he basically said that he doesn't really want to live.

Or they didn't hear, I barely did. I'm not even entirely sure I did hear him correctly...

It feels as if the fire is soothing him as he stars upward. Like being given a hug or having a blanket wrapped around you.

I wonder why he doesn't use his fire powers more... 

It's not like it's a bad thing, it's actully a very good thing!

He's probably just doesn't want to burn the ship.

Yeah, that's it.

He closes his eyes, and falls asleep as his tia looks down at him with a smile of bitter happiness.

"Why is she smiling like that? In the sad but happy way?"

"I don't know, maybe you can ask her."

The way he answered sound different, like he knew but didn't want us to know.

I feel like I should ask... but leo is already sharing his life story in one if the worst ways possible and I don't want to push him to share more.

Besides, if hera wants us to know it will be shown in the memories right?

JASON

I watch as leo shakes slightly, like he's cold but not because he's physically cold. Although that may be a bit true, but like he was scared. Scared of something that is comeing.

Then he goes tense, and relaxes.

Like he was forcing himself to relax around us.

I don't like that thought...

Does he not feel safe to tall to us how he really feels?

I wish he did.

Hera sits down next to leo on the floor, who is stacking blocks, "lia? Wanna play a game?" She asks, smiling gently at the small child.

I notice Leo tense at the nickname used, it was so substantial I almost didn't notice.

"Awwww leo you look adorable!"

"NUH UH!" Leo protests, face flushing with embarrassment.

"Yeah! And you still are!"

"SHUT UP!"

Lia looks up in excitement, a game? She likes games! "Yeah I do!" She stands up, waving her hands over her head. Smiling as wide as wide as she possibly can. 

They continue to comment on how cute leo is when he was younger, leo grumbles but not actually do anything other than half glare half fondly look at the screen.

Hera laughs as the display, although looking at him with slight guilt.

Why?

It goes silent.

"Um-what?" 

"What?"

"Why is she staring at you in quilt?"

...

"Leo?"

Whatever, maybe she's just sad that soon she will have to leave me to go back to the other children again!

"Other children? What's that supposed to mean." I ask, she has others she babysits? 

Who is the others?

Why does there have to be others?

"I think she said other 'heros' that she needs to watch over. Think you can figure it out from there right?" He answers with bitter in his voice. Looking at me in a bitter, dull expression.

I think about it for a moment.

Is it?...... oh.

"Is it-?"

"Yes."

Yeah that must be it.

She stands back up again, "Okay well, to play the game we will need 2 knifes okay?"

What...?

New, fresh shock enters the room once more.

"Yeah hold up, what?"

"Knives!?"

"Your what? 3?"

"Yes, I was 3 at the time."

"How can someone as old as her think this is a good idea!?"

Leo huffs next to me, "for training. Said I needed practice." 

"Training?"

"You will see, don't worry." He leans back, sighing with a tiredness that was much to much to carry.

When's the last time he slept?

Or take care of himself for that matter!?

"Okay.." I say slowly, as I try to think about what fun game can knifes be used for.

"There is no games." Leo spits out before laughing. "Well actually! There is one!"

I never seen leo act to... non leo before...

It's so weird...

This is just wrong...

"Like what?"

"Not telling you."

I stumble over to the kids knifes, curse these legs. 

This causes some of is to laugh, causing some if the shock to fade away to make room for this.

Hera makes shakes her head, stoping me. "No, the other knives." She says, pointing to the knives that mama put in the cabinet to high for me to reach. She didn't want the to get into them because I could really hurt myself.

"Smart, always make sure the younger ones can't get the sharp things." Annabeth comments with a nod. 

"Wh-what? But mama said-"

"It's okay, just do what I ask okay? It's for the game. She won't get mad." She tells me with a soothing voice.

"Liar."

I don't respond, instead, i focus on what to do so I can reach the cabinet holding the dangerous things.

After a few moments, I use the bottom cabinet as a ladder to push myself onto the counter. Almost falling several times.

Woah! It's so high!

"Not gonna talk about the falling? You could've gottok seriously hurt!" Piper stares at the screen and leo with scared eyes. Looking so angry at the fact leo almost died several times already that even leo flinched a little.

He plays it off with a calm smile, as if nothing was wrong, as if he didn't almost just fall and cracked his head open. "But I didn't pipes. I'm still here and okay, there's nothing to worry about okay? See, am I hurt? No. Please calm down..." he looks up at her with pleading eyes, begging her to not worry and to stop. 

She sighs, settlement down again, "your-your right..."

Scary...

What if I fall...?

Nah, tia won't let that happen!

"Sure bout that?" Thalia asks, looking at leo with pity.

He either doesn't notice the pity or ignores it.  

...

He doesn't answer, which really is an answer enough.

I grab a pot, using that as a step stole to just barely reach the cabinet holding the knives tia wanted for our game.

Wow, leo was a smart kid...

And at such a young age...

After getting the knives, I make my way down back to the ground. 

....

And definitely didn't almost kill myself, nuh uh.

"LEO!"

"Again, im fine. I almost get hurt plenty, it's all good."

"What?"

"What?"

"You get hurt plenty?"

"No."

Tia smiles reassuringly as I step onto the floor. "Okay so here's the game-"

She explained how they were "sparing" and that all I have to do is hot the knife put of her hands. 

Annabeth slaps her forehead, but doesn't make a comment.

No one does.

After a few minutes she started trying to also try my knife put of my hand. 

That's not nice >:(

That causes surprised laughs to burst from several people, allowing us a little peace from the worry and stress from seeing leo almost die and still play it off like it's all one big joke or again.

Like he can respawn and do it all over again.

After an hour of this we put the stuff away, we clean the cuts I got and waut for my mama to come home.

Oh how I miss her!

She's the best!

I can't wait to tell her about-

"You can't tell her about this game lia,"

I look up at her in shock tears threatbing to spill. 

Mama said to not keep things from her! "But-but why!?"

"Yeah why!? What could be the reason to hide something from her?" 

"If you do then I won't play games with you no more."

...

That doesn't sit right with me, and by looking around I can see it doesn't sit right with the rest either.

Leo refuses to meet any of our gazes, instead looking at his feet which he swings up and down.

And that was that.

I didn't even make a hint on what me and hera did. I didn't even mention the knives, only the drawings we made and what we ate for lunch. 

...

"So are we gonna talk about the knifes and how you at 3 years old climbed up to get the knifes?" I ask, hoping to get the reason for why he had to play with knifes when he was only 3. An infant.

Leo sighs, "as I have said it was 'training', saved my life..."

...

"Saved your life?" Ammabeth asks quietly, as if to not disturb the quiet. Or maybe to make leo feel not as pushed.

"Yeah..."

"Okay..."

Was it training like mine? 

No, it can't be.

I can't imagine leo being trained like a Roman, he's to... loud and soft for that.

I know he's tough, but if he was a Roman he wouldn't be... Leo...

What would he even be like if he was Roman instead of Greek?

Would we still be friends?

would he want to be my friend?

Chapter Text

PERCY

So hera has been messing with this whole thing for years?

What the hell?

I glance at leo who sits still.

Which normally would be a good thing right?

Not now, not when the person sitting still is a person never ever sits still.

His hands shake and twitch, like he's scared that something will pop out and kill him or something.

I then look over at jason and piper, they know him best. Maybe he's okay and I'm just being paranoid.

Their faces give me the answer.

He is not okay right now.

He needs comfort.

I wake up with a fall from my bed.

"AHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAAAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAH-"

"HEY!" Leo interupts the burst of righteous laughter, only causing us to laugh more.

It surpirise me how okay he looks right now, when just a second ago he was not okay at all.

Is this how it always is?

Does he always look not okay one seconda and fine the next?

What a way to wake up, best way if I say so.

"It is tho-" Leo agrees with his past self, nodding like he's a business man. 

We catch our breath, well me, thalia, frank, piper, and jason do. The rest already have managed to stop laughing to poke a few jokes at leo.

Said persona is trying his best to ignore but failing as he starts to giggle, but he still seems just a little tense.

I laugh as I walk quietly out of my small room, when we came to this apartment mama said that I should get the bigger room since I deserve it more.

I obviously said no, because mama defiantly deserves it more for how hard she works.

She nearly cried.

I don't know why.

"Because that was kind leo, so kind and understanding at such a young age. It's rare leo,"

He didn't respond, what he did was look down at his feet with a glare that could cut stone.

"What's with the face?"

He looks up at me in shock, like he didn't know or didn't think anybody would notice. "Wha- oh nothing. It's nothing."

"Sure..."

I make my way into the kitchen, scanning for any ingredients I can use.

We never have much, we don't have enough money she said.

I wish I could help, but mama says I have to wait until I'm a little older ans ready to help in the shop.

"How old?"

"Wait and see beauty queen."

"YES!" I whisper yell in excitement, I don't want to wake mama up this early, she already falls asleep really late.

"How late?"

"Depends, but she usually falls asleep around 12."

Okay.... maybe she doesn't wake up to early and still gets a good amount of sleep.

And maybe this is where leo gets his night owl personality.

"When does she wake up?"

"Around 4."

... that's just...horrible.

Everyday to? That's just unhealthy..

I also see now where leo gets his night pwl and early bird practices.

"So thats... around 4 hours and less... Much less sleep than the human body needs."

"Exactly, so if she can sleep longer then that's my priority."

I don't want her to get even more tired than she already is...

I look around the pantry and fridge, both mainly empty.

But maybe...

"we have enough for mama's favorite food!" I whisper yell again.

"Awwwww-" they coo, causing leo to glare at them. It at least try to glare, he's failing miserably.

I feel a twinge if quilt, your telling me I yelled and acted rude to this person?

Who is only a child?

Just like me?

. . .

I clean up the ingredients and utensils, having made breakfast and lunch.

"How long did the food take you to make?"

"About an hour,"

"How do you remember that?"

"Why do you expect me to know?"

"I don't know, your smart and remember being out into a fire place!"

I set the 2 paper bags on the table for when mama wakes up, eat my breakfast, and head back into my room to sleep a little bit more before I wake up again.

. . . (With Espranza) . . .

"OH MY GODS- I FORGOT TO MAKE-!" She stops, standing their shocked at the bag.

She really shouldn't be shocked, this has been going on for a few weeks now.

I turn to look at leo, "a few weeks? How?"

"Hera has been teaching me how to cook when my mom was at work, my mother taught me on the weekens, and I'm a fast learner." He explains with a wistful look, eyes glossing over, a tiny frown forming on his lips. 

"You are? I thought you were slow." Piper jokes after a moment of pure silence. 

Although I think everyone knows that piper doesn't and didn't actully think he was slow, we all know he's smart.

Even when we make jokes saying otherwise.

"Don't judge a book by its cover right?"

"Guess so,"

But still, it amazes her that lia, her little girl, made breakfast and dinnar, both of them being her 2 favorite foods.

"That was cute,"

"Eh,"

"Not denying it~"

"I deny your existence."

"Dam-"

"cut it out guys, the next one is starting!"

THALIA

I stop laughing at the 2 teenagers to look at the screen again.

Piper and leo, they seem like siblings.

Me and Jason... we barely know eachother know.

I just know what he looksblikw and that we share blood, and just a few things he has told me.

I wake up again an hour later, "I hope mama likes the food!" I get out of bed, tia said she can't be here today cause she's busy right now. So I'm all alone.

I don't really like being alone.

"Not much people do," I say, thinking about how Jason was alone to be raised by wolf's. How that if I was there, I could've stopped my mother.

But then we're would we be now?

Dead and gone.

Just a forgotten memory.

Cause then it's only me and my thoughts with no one to talk to!

And it's scary.

Oh, that took a dark turn.

"Wow, that surprisingly got dark..."

"Don't think to hard about it."

Why not leo?

Does he not think to hard about stuff? Is that why he's always unserious?

I think a few others catches on as well, Annabeth glares at the floor. Like the floor will open and sprout answers for her.

Piper keeps at glancing at leo, who ignores it or doesn't realize it.

And Jason's eyes keep on unfocused on everything.

I grab his hand, hoping that it helped him to not zone out.

Hoping that it helped him focus on thw now and not the then.

First I do the dishes, they started to pile up, then I clean out the trash. It started to smell bad. Then I sweep and mop the floors.

Then I clean the dust that somehow finds the magic ti Stull he here and there.

I also do the laundry, we don't have much, so we need to do lady very often so we can have cloths on out backs.

It all takes me 5 hours, I smile at the now clean home.

5 hours?

Straight?

A 5 year old did that?

A 5 year old?

"All that in 5 hours? And to think at that age I haven't even cleaned my room by myself yet!" Percy blurts, looking wide eyed as leo starts to laugh. 

"Yeah, all that in 5 hours!" He says in a cherry voice.

Normally, I wouldn't think to much about it.

But I can't help but notice his eyes don't match his smile, sire his smile reaches his eyes (although maybe a little forced) but his eyes look rather dull. The color not there.

Is his eyes always like this or did u not look close enough the first time?

"Is that why your always cleaning up?" Hazel asks, "does it remind you of your childhood?"

Leo pauses, looking confused at the question before smiling again like this was all a big joke to him. "Guess so, didn't think anybody would notice. Guess I was wrong huh?"

He thought no one would notice?

What kinds of people dud he hang out with to think that his friends wouldn't notice this about him? 

What kind of thoughts is going around in his head?

Mama is going to be so happy!

"Bet she was,"

"Yeah she was,"

I tune them out.

To think I only thought before now that leo was just a clown, a jokester, a player.

And now, just a few memories in and he already proved he us much more than that.

I look around, leo is smiling again.

Not in the trouble maker way, but in a gental, wishful way.

He looks like a... child... to young to be fighting in a war.

But so is all if us.

Another reason why I hate the gods.

And hera, she caused me and now many more people I care about, pain.

HAZEL

Leo looks soft, childlike.

I feel a guilt and shame creeping in on me, to think I disliked such a kind soul? Even if only for a few days?

A child just like me who although made mistakes, is trying to be better and grow.

Who bakes cookies and brownies with me, teaching me how to cook different foods and also letting me teach him different foods.

He even teaches me along with frank how the world of today works.

I guess I was wrong about Leo's character.

I should apologize later.

"Hey hija! Ready for your first day of 1st grade?" 

Leo's smile that seemed forced seemed veven more forced as time went on.

Well now, he doesn't smile. He just stares at the screen, with a look I can't disipher. 

I sigh, looking up at her, "no, I wanna stay with you! The kids are mean!"

"Aww such a sweet child you were!"

"The kids were mean to you?"

That causes a pause from leo from denying the previous comment, "wha-what... did you say?"

"The kids were mean to you?" I repeat. Catching the the hint of horror behind the younger teens eyes.

Everyone looks like they noticed, some going tense and others just go silent.

We all look at leo though, watching him twitch, watching how his eyes seem to be looking for a way out, an exit.

But there isn't one here.

Not now.

"They were not the nicest, we can talk about it later..."

...

"Fine, if that's what you want..."

She laughs sadly, "you haven't even met your classmates yet! And you will see me again in a few hours!"

"To long."

"But that's forever!"

"That's right!" Leo smiles sadly.

It has been forever.

I guess that's right, ever since this quest no one who still has a mortal parent hasn't seen them at all in months.

But leo is already smiling after looking like a cornered injured kitten?

That's concerning.

I should also ask about that later if someone doesn't ask about it before me.

Cause this can't be normal right?

"I'm sorry but you have to go, it's the law."

"Well it's dumb!"

Percy scoffs, "it does though! It's so stupid! Why can't I just learn from annie?"

This time Annabeth scoffs, trying to look mad but utterly failing, both seem to forget about the concern for leo. "Oh shut up!"

The bus stops in front of us, the kids on there are laughing with joy.

But what's so fun?

"EVERYTHING!" Came from the mouth of the short one. Leo.

He got no response, maybe a few giggles from very few, but me, along with few others gave a look of concern towards him.

He didn't seem to notice though.

School is boring, they never teach me anything I don't already know anyways.

"What did you already know?"

"Many things, you'll see soon anyways.".

"Ugh fine."