Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Adam did not consider himself to be particularly introspective. He liked to think that he was a simple man, with simple feelings and even simpler needs. Moving to Japan was the first sign of imbalance in his perfectly straightforward life, but after being exposed to the most skilled martial artists in the underground world, he knew he needed to change his ways to become the strongest.

Certainly, losing his first Kengan match against a nineteen-year-old was a humbling experience, and Adam’s first instinct after he woke up was to chase the kid and break his nose. He did not expect him to look for Adam, praise him so genuinely, and ask if he wanted to spar sometimes.

In his perfectly easy world, losing a fight was always met with violence and anger, but soon after their first encounter, he discovered that Cosmo had a totally different approach that made Adam respect him, despite his young age.

He would go completely psycho in the ring, pulling moves that would make Adam’s street fighter friends quiver, and fifteen minutes later he’d be smiling wide and joking with the dude he almost choked to death. It was both endearing and terrifying, and it made Adam want to protect him at all costs. So, he ended up sticking around. At first, he planned on staying for three months, but after Cosmo effortlessly managed to include him in his training schedule and his life he forgot all about Texas.

A couple of months ago, Adam celebrated his sixth year in Japan. He wasn’t big on celebrations, but Cosmo insisted, and Adam knew that if he refused, he’d throw a party for him anyway. It was kind of sweet: all of his friends were there, and they brought him so many gifts that his apartment couldn’t fit them all. Thankfully, it was mostly food.

After said party, Adam’s seemingly uncomplicated inner life started faltering. He couldn’t tell the exact moment it began, but he noticed his body reacting to Cosmo’s presence in ways it never had before. The kid was always affectionate, and Adam got used to it quickly until, one afternoon, Cosmo casually laid his head on his shoulder while they were having a conversation about lizards, and Adam’s brain short-circuited.

“I’m just saying,” started Adam, sitting cross-legged on his living room floor with his back against the couch, “it’s fucking lame wanting to be a lizard if you could be any animal in the world.”

Cosmo laughed, amused by Adam’s rudeness. He was always smiling or laughing at stupid shit, like his head was constantly stuck in the clouds. Nothing was ever too serious for him, and his stubborn optimism was contagious, even for a punk like Adam. Besides, he liked making Cosmo laugh.

“It’s not lame! How cool would it be if they cut your tail off and you could just grow another one? I think I’d just use it as a whip and defeat my enemies like that.”

Cosmo was sitting on the floor next to Adam, one elbow bent on the couch and his head lazily resting on it. He made a non-committal gesture with his other hand and asked:

“Okay, then. What animal would you be?”

“A lion. Or a fucking gorilla, I dunno. Something that would destroy your stupid-ass lizard in a second,” Adam answered, abrasive as always, but with no real heat behind his words.

“Of course. Big, loud, and scary.” Cosmo rolled his eyes. “You know, you won’t be able to do anything to me if you’re stuck in a zoo.”

“The fuck? Why would I be stuck in a zoo? I’d live in some desert or jungle and be cool as fuck.”

“Because humans are obsessed with big, dangerous, beautiful things and never pay attention to lizards. So, you’d be stuck in a zoo, or killed by some rich guy, and I’ll be living my best life in the countryside.”

Adam shook his head, like he couldn’t believe a guy as small as Cosmo could be so full of shit. He was even laughing at his own stupid joke, so hard that tears started streaming down his cheeks and he had to hold on to Adam’s arm for support.

“Man, sometimes I think your brain got permanently fucked in one of your fights,” Adam said, passing tissues to his friend.

Cosmo, finally calmed down, accepted them with a small, polite bow of his head.
“You know what? I also think that sometimes.”

He dried off his face, then casually lowered his head onto Adam’s shoulder and began explaining how he kept forgetting the most basic things and maybe he really did have brain damage.

However, Adam didn’t register a word he was saying. His mind could only focus on Cosmo’s weight on his side, the soft hair tickling his arm, their thighs almost touching. It’s not like this kind of closeness was uncommon between them, but for the first time Adam felt a heat rising to his cheeks. His hands twitched, fingers itching to reach out, but he clenched his fists instead. He told himself it was just the room being too warm.

After that moment, things quickly spiraled out of control. Every time they were alone, which was very often, Adam would end up having to actively try to keep his reactions in check.

Cosmo didn’t seem to notice anything, probably because in that little damaged brain of his, he never thought people could find him attractive, and he wasn’t the type to engage in this sort of thing anyway. There was a recurring joke between their friends about Cosmo being like a dog: carelessly enthusiastic and loyal to a fault.

Adam had seen him jump into relationships headfirst, chasing people and connections like he actually believed humans were inherently kind beings. And never once did he get discouraged, even after getting his heart broken so many times.

Adam, on the other hand, was more acquainted with lust. He liked flirting and casual sex, and he was never happy in relationships because emotional vulnerability made him feel uneasy. His being more free-spirited sometimes clashed with Cosmo’s sentimentalism, especially considering Adam’s thirty-three years of “latent misogyny,” as Cosmo called it. Which basically meant that he treated chicks like shit. But the more time he spent in Japan, the more his rough edges were slowly being polished by strict discipline and politeness.

Anyway, his extensive experience with casual relationships had attuned Adam’s skills in recognizing sexual desire, so it didn’t take long to understand the root of his unexpected feelings for Cosmo: he wanted to fuck the guy.
And the realization was confusing and upsetting for various reasons.

First, he wasn’t into dudes, although Cosmo was barely a dude in Adam’s mind, and second, the kid was nine fucking years younger than him. He usually wouldn’t mind such a large age gap, but he’d been Cosmo’s friend for six years, and it felt wrong to lust after someone you’d watched grow up like that.

Nevertheless, Adam was fucked.

He had no intention of acting on these feelings, but it was definitely getting hard to ignore them. Keeping his complex emotions in check was an impossible task: he was more of a punch-first-talk-later kind of guy.

Adam was doing the best he could to avoid making Cosmo uncomfortable, but the kid was too affectionate, too close, and too warm all the time, and Adam was just a simple man. But he told himself it was nothing he hadn’t felt before with anyone else. Just the usual urge to push boundaries. Nothing complicated.

One evening, after a particularly harsh training session, they found themselves hanging out on Cosmo’s couch. Adam liked his apartment, but they rarely hung out there because his younger brother, whom Cosmo shared the space with, was not a big fan of his. The feeling was mutual. Meteor constantly lived with a pole up his ass, despite being in his early twenties. He had a grown-up office job and always made sure to point out that martial arts was not an “adult” career. Cosmo loved him though, and Adam was never allowed to say anything bad about him because he’d get punched in the stomach for it.

They were alone, Meteor off to his girlfriend’s parents’ house for the weekend, and somehow Cosmo’s head ended up on Adam’s thigh, and Adam was stroking his hair like it was the most normal gesture between friends. The original plan was to show Cosmo the John Wick franchise because he needed to be educated on true American classics, but half an hour into the first movie, they started casually cuddling, and it was clear neither of them was going to pay any attention to the screen.

They had never really had this kind of intimacy before, and Adam wasn’t entirely sure who started it. All he knew was that Cosmo’s long, silky hair felt nice in his rough hands, and he could tell his friend found the gesture relaxing. Every time Cosmo shifted in his lap, Adam’s thoughts scattered like startled birds. He caught himself staring at the ceiling, willing his mind to find safer places to wander

For a while, the only sound in the room was the indistinct chatter coming from the TV, until Cosmo said:

“I don’t know about the movie, but this dude is hot,” he said, pointing at Keanu Reeves, making Adam chuckle, amused by the openness.

“You know there’s a whole thing about this fucker? Like, people obsessed and shit. And every couple of months some new picture of him doing normal things comes out and everyone loses their panties again.”
Adam grabbed his phone with his free hand, scrolling through social media to find said pictures.

Cosmo, who had been lying on his side this whole time, slowly turned around to face Adam, his head still resting on the older man’s thigh. It was a casual, lazy movement, but it was enough to spike Adam’s heart rate. He tried not to think about Cosmo’s head on his fucking lap, but he could already feel the filthy thoughts rising in the back of his brain. It was like a current pulling at him, invisible but relentless and fast. A flicker of something strange that he had no name for. He shoved it down, focusing on the noise of the TV and the feel of Cosmo’s hair in his hand. Thankfully, he found the thread he needed and dropped the phone onto Cosmo’s chest, carefully avoiding touching his body more than necessary.

“This is so funny. Why are people surprised that a rich guy takes the metro?” Cosmo started diving into the depths of people’s obsession with Keanu Reeves, offering extensive commentary on every single thought that flashed through his brain. It was hard to follow when Cosmo started yapping like that, and Adam would’ve found it annoying if he wasn’t so turned on by the other’s presence.
He was watching the way Cosmo’s golden hair reflected the dim light of the lamp, his small yet strong hands holding the phone, his lean muscles flexing every time he stretched.

Goddamn, the kid look fine.

Almost without noticing, Adam’s fingers moved from his hair to caressing his face, his cheek, his jaw. Cosmo smiled and tilted his head up to meet Adam’s gaze in a way that seemed to say, “I see what you’re doing. I like it,” which gave the older fighter the confidence to shift a bit on his side, so that he was half on top of Cosmo, and to start caressing his body more deliberately.

Cosmo offered a noise of appreciation but didn’t comment further. Adam could feel all the tension building up, heavy and hot, in the pit of his stomach, his mind racing in every direction possible even though they weren’t exactly doing anything weird. But fuck, Cosmo should not allow him to be this close to him, for his own sake.

“This Keanu Reeves dude is hot,” Cosmo said matter-of-factly, passing the phone back to Adam. “He’s not even that handsome but, I dunno.”

Adam cleared his throat, then tossed his phone somewhere on the other end of the couch. These kinds of comments were not helping with his problem at all, but he felt unable to stop whatever strange tension was floating in the air.

“Yeah, well. Dude’s in his late fifties, I think. A bit too old for you.”

“Not at all. I could see myself falling in love with him, train together, do whatever American movie stars do in their free time. Golf or something?”

“He’s Canadian,” Adam retorted, mildly annoyed that Cosmo always mixed up the two nationalities. “And of course you would say that. You’re so fucking sappy.”

Cosmo shot him a warning look. “Don’t start with this again,” his tone lively as usual, but Adam knew him well enough to know he didn’t appreciate these kinds of comments. However, Adam was a simple man, and he liked pushing people’s buttons.

“What? It’s the truth. Dude calls you pretty once and you’re already planning your fucking wedding.” Adam could feel the burn of Cosmo’s gaze, but he also noticed he wasn’t moving away from his touch.

In any other circumstance, Cosmo would either deflect with jokes or punch Adam. This time, all he was doing was watching him, his cheek pressed on Adam’s thigh, green eyes sharp under the weight of something neither of them was ready to acknowledge.

Adam kept caressing Cosmo’s side with one hand, a steady and rhythmic motion that started from his shoulder and stopped at his hip. His other hand found Cosmo’s hair again, brushing the soft strands absentmindedly.

“You’re affectionate tonight,” Cosmo noticed.
Adam shrugged, a bit uneasy under the intensity of his gaze.

“Whatever. I’m fucking tired. Don’t get weird ideas,” as if that could explain why he was touching his best friend like he’d touch a chick he wanted to sleep with.

Cosmo nodded, uncharacteristically quiet, and started tracing invisible patterns with his fingers on Adam’s upper thigh. The touch was slow and light, but Adam felt it straight in his groin. The silence stretched across the space, not exactly awkward, but definitely charged.
Then Adam traced a finger from Cosmo’s shoulder up to his ear, where it lingered to push a strand of hair away from his face. Cosmo visibly tensed, took Adam’s wrist in his hand, stopping him mid-motion.

“Don’t touch me there,” he told Adam with a sheepish smile, red slowly creeping across his cheeks.

“Why?” Adam asked. He should have interrupted the contact, apologized, and left. But he wanted to fuck Cosmo so bad he couldn’t think straight.

“Because, man. It turns me on.” Simple, open, and direct. Cosmo managed to make him feel like a teenager with a stupid-ass comment.

“Oh.” It was the only coherent thing Adam could say. Cosmo didn’t let go of his wrist, but he didn’t move away either. What the fuck did that mean? If Cosmo were a chick, he would already be sucking Adam’s dick. That kid was so complicated.

They looked at each other for a while, both trying to read the other’s next move. Adam felt excited and aroused in a way he’d never experienced before. And just when he was about to break his arm free from Cosmo’s hold, a loud ringtone reverberated through the room, startling both of them.

“The fuck?” Adam asked, immediately irritated by the sudden noise, and even more irritated when Cosmo got up to answer the stupid phone. And he could guess from the first three words they exchanged that it was Meteor.

Fucking great.

“Yeah, give me a sec,” Cosmo said, opening his laptop, typing something quickly, then closing it again. “So? Did it work?”

Adam was watching him like a man who’d just been rudely woken up from a very hot dream. The more Cosmo entertained his fucking brother, the more frustrated Adam became. He stood up from the couch, not surprised in the slightest to notice his own arousal pressing against his pants, and walked behind his best friend.

He placed his wide, rough hands on Cosmo’s narrow waist and turned him around so assertively that Cosmo lost his balance and hit the wall behind him with a thud.

Cosmo looked at him, surprised and curious, while Adam fully trapped him between the wall and his larger body. He could still hear Meteor’s steady voice on the other line, but Cosmo’s responses got suddenly shorter and half-assed. He was smiling at Adam, probably amused by how desperately the man wanted to touch him. Adam knew Cosmo was a sucker for attention, so he moved his hands from his waist to his shoulders, and then finally placed them on Cosmo’s throat.

He held the grip there, not too tight, but rough and assertive, and he could feel the younger fighter’s quick pulse through his fingers. This time Cosmo let it happen, seemingly unbothered by the fact that his brother could potentially hear them.

“Okay. I will,” Cosmo said, finally putting an end to the torturous agony. “Have fun!”

Then, with one swift motion, he tossed his phone somewhere in the vicinity of the couch and placed his hands on Adam’s thick, tattooed forearms.

“So, you are trying to turn me on,” Cosmo said, playfully.

Adam tightened his grip on his throat, and the other let out a soft moan that almost made Adam come right there.

“Looks like it’s working,” Adam said, voice deep with want. “King of Stranglers likes to be fucking strangled. How fucking ironic.”

Cosmo laughed, breathless and not impressed in the slightest. “It’s not the choking necessarily... it’s more the pressure, I guess. Anyway, you fucking suck at it.”

Adam was about to retort with some witty remark about shutting the fuck up, but Cosmo broke the hold, took Adam by the throat, and forced him to meet his height. Dudley had never been into this kind of shit, but fuck if Cosmo’s grip on his neck didn’t feel good. It looked delicate, effortless, but it rhythmically cut Adam’s oxygen supply with sharp efficiency.

“Fuck,” Adam barely recognized his own voice. Hell, he barely recognized himself, but with Cosmo’s body so close to him, it was hard to concentrate on any sense of identity. Then, just as quickly as he had started, Cosmo let go, with a devilish chuckle that suggested just how pleased he was with Adam’s reaction.

Adam, still a bit dazed, decides to take back the reins. He leans in for a kiss, but just as their lips are about to meet, Adam shifts course, his mouth finding Cosmo’s neck instead. Cosmo welcomes the change, tilting his head back to give Adam space to explore. The soft sounds escaping Cosmo’s lips catch Adam off guard, so unexpectedly hot coming from someone usually so wholesome. The warmth of Cosmo’s skin under Adam’s fingertips and the slight tremble in his breath send a rush through Adam’s chest. There he was, breathing heavy under Adam’s touch, open, playful, and undeniably sexy.

Overwhelmed by the intensity of the moment, Adam pulls back and asks, his voice low and a bit shy as he searches for neutral words to describe what they’re doing, “Are you okay with… this?” His piercing blue eyes hold Cosmo’s gaze, searching for any sign of hesitation. After all, Cosmo was still so young.

Cosmo nods, offering a small, encouraging smile. He reaches up, tracing his fingers along Adam’s sharp cheekbones, the rough texture of stubble grazing his palm. “Yeah,” he says simply. “And you?”

Adam nods too, unable to fully express how okay he actually feels with the situation. It’s new, a little strange for him, but surprisingly far from awkward. When they finally kiss for real, their hands roam freely, skin pressing and sliding over skin, warm and slick with a mix of anticipation and sweat. Adam quickly realizes how responsive Cosmo is: the soft moans, the whispered praise, the way his body reacts. It’s addictive. He spends an hour coaxing helpless sounds from his friend, lost in the heat and the scent of Cosmo’s shampoo mixing with the spring air.

Eventually, Cosmo takes him by the hand and leads him to his room. He gestures for Adam to lie down on the futon, and Adam does so, pulling Cosmo close by the hips until he’s straddling him fully. They stay like that for a moment, the warmth of their bodies pressed together, before both of them burst into laughter at the absurdity of the situation.

“This feels so surreal,” Cosmo says, his voice soft and amused. “I didn’t picture you for the curious type.”

Adam snorts, frustrated. They’d been teasing each other for almost an hour now, and he just wanted some fucking action. They were still fully clothed.

Then Cosmo does something that will linger in Adam’s filthiest dreams for a long time. He reaches up, ties his hair into a low ponytail, his gaze never leaving Adam’s, and slowly starts undoing his jeans. His fingers are careful but confident, cool against Adam’s skin. Despite being smaller and younger, Cosmo moves with surprising efficiency, like he’s done this a thousand times before.

He frees Adam from his pants, ignoring his half-laughed, half-serious plea to take off his own clothes. There’s a focused, intense kind of assertiveness in Cosmo’s movements, the same fierce energy he brings into their fights. And after training together for so long, he knows Adam’s body well: its limits, its weak points. It’s almost unfair the way he’s using that knowledge now.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Adam tries to ask, but Cosmo is already in motion.

His mouth moves with that same steady confidence, chasing every reaction with unshakable focus. Within minutes, Adam is already coming undone under his touch. It’s overwhelming, intoxicating, and he can’t stop the sounds escaping his throat or the way his hand tangles in Cosmo’s hair. The ponytail is perfect for pulling.

The room is quiet except for the sounds they make, but there’s no awkwardness, none of the weird tension you might expect from your best friend going down on you. It’s hot, playful, easy. Adam doesn’t feel like he has to perform; he’s just letting himself enjoy it. And Cosmo is so good at this, Adam barely has time to think.

Later, when Adam finally gets his hands on Cosmo, it feels almost too easy to make him fall apart. The way Cosmo reacts, eager, breathless, completely unfiltered, makes something warm and reckless curl in Adam’s chest, and for the first time that night, he lets himself enjoy the feeling of giving back.

“I am so fucked,” he mutters to himself, catching sight of the clock blinking an ungodly hour. Cosmo is asleep on his chest, twisted in a way that looks uncomfortable as hell. But Adam’s seen him fall asleep in worse places.

Adam, on his end, can’t stop replaying the night, his mind clinging to every filthy detail while carefully skipping over how easily they’d sunk into each other, how natural it had felt. But sex made sense. Sort of. Bodies were easy. Feelings were not.

So he’d stick to the easy part.

Chapter Text

Adam did not sleep for shit that night. Once the adrenaline wore off, he couldn’t shake the feeling that sleeping with Cosmo was the worst thing he could have done to the kid. Then he would take a glance at Cosmo’s sleeping next to him, and his chest would tighten, overwhelmed by a feeling dangerously close to devotion. Adam attributed the unexpected reaction to how good of a blowjob Cosmo gave him earlier, and that was that.

Eventually he pushed Cosmo aside, who kept sleeping peacefully, and got up. He paced into the living room for a while, pondering whether it would be best to leave, then decided not to. He was not scared of a dude half his fucking size.

By the time Cosmo woke up and walked in the kitchen, Adam had cleaned up the whole space. He needed something to do with his hands and the apartment was so messy, it seemed like the right thing to do. Cosmo lazily leaned in on the kitchen counter next to the sink, where Adam was washing dishes.

“Good morning” he said to Adam, massaging his neck with one hand. “You cleaned. That’s so nice!”

“Your house is always a fucking mess. So yeah” Adam grunts in response. He doesn’t dare looking at Cosmo, because he knows he is going to want to take the little clothes he is wearing off of him. Again.

“It’s true” Cosmo shrugs, unapologetic. Then he pokes Adam on the arm, forcing him to look in his direction. “How did you sleep?”

“Like shit. You were holding onto me like the fucking strangler monster you are” Adam says, trying to sound nonchalant and failing miserably. Cosmo is smiling softly at him, green eyes full of affection that Adam knew for sure he did not deserve.

“Oh! That’s why my neck hurts. I was wondering” Cosmo says. Adam dries off his hands and reaches out to touch his friend’s shoulder, despite his mind fierce complaints.

“Yeah, no shit” Adam says, but he was distracted. Cosmo laid his head on top of Adam’s hand, a gesture so sweet Adam felt like puking. He could not believe he was being such a pussy. And he couldn’t believed he had sex with his best friend. What’s worse, looking at him right now he wouldn’t mind doing it again.

Memories of their night together start rushing back like a flood in his mind, and soon enough heat pooled low in his stomach, inconvenient and obvious. He cornered Cosmo in between the kitchen counter and his body, hand still on his shoulder and the other reaching out for his waist.

“What did your brother want yesterday?” Adam asked, curious hands already roaming under Cosmo’s shirt. Cosmo hooked his fingers on Adams waistband and pulled him closer. He seemed so distracted by Adam’s lack of shirt, that he didn’t pay attention to the question at first.

“Mh? Meteor? He just wanted me to put him back in the Netflix household” Cosmo answered, finally meeting Adam’s eyes with a sweet smile. “Why?”

“It seemed so important you left me hanging”

Cosmo laughed, caught off guard and a little red in the face. “What are you talking about? I did not leave you hanging, man!”

“You totally did,” Adam shot back, lips quirking in amusement. “And I bet you’re gonna leave me hanging right now too. What a shitty friend.”

He leaned in and pressed a trail of quick pecks along Cosmo’s shoulder. His body was moving on its own at this point, ignoring every warning his brain threw at him. Cosmo didn’t seem to mind at all, a low moan slipping out before he could stop it. Adam’s kisses grew more deliberate, slow and teasing, with the occasional nip just to hear that sound again. Fuck, he was hot.

“Hey,” Cosmo said when Adam pressed his erection against him impatiently. “Wait. Stop.”

Adam snapped out of it instantly, stepping back a full pace. “What?” His tone came out sharper than he meant, but it was the only way he knew how to handle the sudden crack in his armor.

Cosmo looked at him then, smile still there but dimmer, softer. “Look, I had fun with you. A lot of fun.” He straightened and twisted a strand of hair nervously around his finger. “But I’m not the casual type. You know that. If we keep sleeping together, I’ll end up catching feelings. And you’ll end up hating me.”

Adam’s jaw clenched, confusion twisting his face. “Why the fuck would I hate you?” he asked, rough and direct.

Cosmo sighed, smile tilting sad. “That’s not the point, Adam.”

For a second, Adam thought about pushing back, insisting, but he stopped himself. Cosmo’s eyes were too clear, too certain. He respected that even if he didn’t fully get it. Kid could be incredibly fucking stubborn when he wanted. So Adam shoved his hands in his pockets, biting back the smartass comments on the tip of his tongue.

“Fine,” he muttered, stepping away just enough to give Cosmo space. His chest felt weirdly hollow, but he ignored it. Respecting boundaries, he could do that.

Easier said than done, though.

The next time they found themselves alone, two days later, they already seemed to have forgotten their conversation. Okubo and Lihito were visiting Tokyo and had invited both Cosmo and Adam out for drinks. That usually meant Okubo and Lihito getting drunk out of their minds, trying and failing to hit on girls. Tonight was no different, though they did try to keep a thin layer of decorum despite their chaotic nature.

Cosmo disappeared after saying, “I’ll get you drinks,” but half an hour later he was deep in conversation with the bartender. The guy was probably Adam’s age, tall and lean, and definitely interested. The way he laughed , bright and loud at everything Cosmo said, gave him away. Adam felt like punching him, hoping that maybe the uncomfortable feeling in his chest would disappear with it. His beer was half-warm in his hand, but he barely tasted it.
Okubo was in the middle of some impossible story about one of his UFC matches in the US. Adam nodded along, but his eyes kept flicking toward the bar. It wasn’t until Lihito asked where Cosmo had gone that Adam finally joined the conversation.

“He’s charming the bartender. Kid’s grown up and learned how to use his powers, I see,” Okubo commented, sipping his beer with a pleased grin. Adam wanted to punch him, too.

When Cosmo finally came back with their deinks, Okubo and Lihito started teasing him about the flirting, only to be met with a confused look. Of course Cosmo was oblivious. He spoke with everyone about anything, genuinely listened, made people feel special, and then moved on like it was just a random Tuesday. And it was, for him. Cosmo had all sorts of friends; Adam could never wrap his head around it. Although he had found it charming at first, now he hated seeing his friend give pieces of himself so freely. He was just being protective, that’s all.

By the time they left the bar, Adam was tipsy enough not to be trusted behind the wheel. After saying goodbye to their friends, Cosmo slipped Adam’s keys out of his pocket and headed for the car, opening the passenger door so Adam could drop in.

Adam’s head felt light, and the longer he watched Cosmo drive, the more his promise to respect boundaries dissolved under a sheer layer of want. Want, and something else he refused to name, though it had to do with the bartender from earlier. Probably just protective instinct. The hum of the engine filled the silence, and Adam kept his mouth shut. He didn’t trust what might come out.

At the apartment, Cosmo helped Adam inside, even though Adam didn’t need it. He welcomed the touch anyway, leaning into it, already imagining what those hands could do. Cosmo’s grip was steady, his laugh soft in Adam’s ear when he stumbled more than he needed to.
Adam fumbled with the keys longer than he should have, distracted by the sound of Cosmo’s quiet laughter behind him.

“You need help?” Cosmo offered playfully. The words were serious, but Adam could hear the amusement in his voice.

“Go fuck yourself,” Adam retorted, turning to jiggle the keys in front of Cosmo. “Everything is under control.”

That only made Cosmo laugh harder. He reached for the keys, but Adam, quick even while drunk, twisted away. They ended up wrestling for it, Cosmo pressing him against the door, Adam refusing to give in.

“Oh my god, Adam. Just give me the stupid keys,” Cosmo pleaded, breathless from laughing. He had both of Adam’s arms pinned, green eyes bright in the hallway light.
Adam froze. For a second, all he could feel was Cosmo’s smaller body pressed against his, warm and solid, holding him in place. His chest tightened, breath catching before he could stop it.

And then he leaned in and kissed him.
Cosmo melted instantly, sliding his hands from Adam’s arms to the back of his neck, pulling him down to deepen the kiss. Adam gripped his waist and dragged him closer, and fuck, he was already hard.

Soon, Adam’s hands were everywhere, like he was trying to memorize Cosmo through touch alone. Cosmo was keeping it together, barely, until Adam grabbed his ass hard enough to bruise.

“We are in a hallway… Your neighbors are gonna hate you,” Cosmo said, tilting his head when Adam started kissing his neck like a man starved.

“I don’t give a shit. You’re so fucking hot. I want to eat you alive.” Adam’s voice was low, rough in a way that went straight through Cosmo.
Cosmo tensed, then pressed against him harder, breathing uneven. His hands were already moving, searching Adam’s pockets, pulling the keys free without breaking the kiss. The door clicked open, and he tugged Adam inside with him.

The moment it shut behind them, they were on each other again, like there’d been no pause at all. Adam lets himself get pushed onto the sofa, Cosmo straddling his lap and tugging at his shirt until it’s gone. Shoes, jacket, everything hit the floor in seconds. Adam’s hands are everywhere, greedy, rough, dragging across skin he can’t seem to get enough of.

This time was nothing like the first. No hesitation, no soft touches. It’s biting, grabbing, bruising. Cosmo was grinding down hard and Adam couldn’t stop muttering against his skin.
“I want you so fucking bad. It’s driving me insane. Let me fuck you”
Cosmo answered with a sound that went straight to Adam’s groin, raw and desperate and hot.

“You… never did that before,” Cosmo said, breath still uneven. He looked at Adam with the wide, shiny eyes of someone who just got exactly what he wanted.

Adam paused. “No. But I bet you’re dying to show me, huh?”

Cosmo didn’t even bother pretending to be embarrassed. Adam trusted him enough by now to let him lead when it came to this shit.

It took some time preparing, adjusting, figuring it out. Adam hadn’t thought it would be that complicated; with women, it never was. But when it finally clicked, he was floored. The act itself felt incredible, sure, but it was Cosmo’s reactions that did him in. Seeing his best friend fall apart under him, hearing those raw, low moans, it pushed Adam past the edge. Soon enough he was fucking him hard, and Cosmo just took it. Hell, he fucking welcomed it like he was made for it.

After, they collapsed on the couch, sticky and spent, Adam half on top of Cosmo. He had never felt this strung out in his life. Cosmo groaned, pressing weakly at his chest.

“I need at least… ten showers right now,” he muttered, though he didn’t actually move.

Adam just stared at him, mind replaying every moment of Cosmo losing it beneath him. His chest clenched with something he didn’t want to name. He told himself it was just shock that Cosmo was so good at sex when he usually acted like such a happy-go-lucky idiot. The words slipped out before he could stop them:

“Cos… fuck me. You’re really damn freaky. I like it.”

Cosmo chuckled at that, low and tired, but didn’t say anything. He got up, disappeared into the bathroom, and came back later with damp hair and a handful of wet napkins, which he wordlessly offered to Adam.

“What? Cat got your tongue now?” Adam shot back. His tone was sharp, but worry leaked through. It wasn’t like Cosmo to go quiet, especially after sex.

“No, no,” Cosmo said quickly. His green eyes flicked down, distracted, watching Adam wipe himself clean. “I’m just…” He gestured vaguely, words failing him.

“Shit. Did I fuck up? Did I hurt you?” The rawness in Adam’s voice made him instantly uncomfortable.

“You didn’t hurt me. It was fun. I just… feel a little used, that’s all.”

“Used? For real now?” Adam frowned.

Cosmo shrugged. He didn’t look angry, his expression was as soft and open as always, but Adam noticed the nervous twitch of his fingers.

And suddenly, guilt hit him like a train.

“Yeah,” Cosmo said quietly. “You were all like, ‘oh you’re so hot,’ ‘you feel so good.’ And I just kinda lost it. You knew what you were doing, right? Am I wrong?”

Adam shook his head, defensive. “Is it a crime to tell you you’re hot? The fuck are you talking about? You came to me. It’s not like I held a gun to your head and made you let me fuck you.”

Cosmo exhaled slowly, profile sharp in the dim light. “That’s not what I’m saying, dude. But whatever. I don’t wanna have this conversation right now.”

He stood up, picked his phone up off the floor, checked the time. His face tightened, though Adam couldn’t tell if it was the hour or everything else. He dressed quietly, Adam watching him in a strange mix of awe and dread.

He’d just given Adam the best sex of his life. And now he was upset. Leaving. Maybe it had to do with the boundaries he’d warned Adam about two days ago.

Adam Dudley was a simple man. He didn’t ask people to stay. He didn’t now, either. But when Cosmo walked out the door, Adam felt hollow. And deep down, he knew he’d fucked up.

Chapter Text

Adam stared at the messages on his screen, not sure how to react.

sorry dude. got overwhelmed and bounced 🏂
we still friends?

One of the perks of being Cosmo’s friend was that it was easy. He never stayed mad for too long, and never forced Adam to have conversations he wasn’t ready for. However, after last night, Adam had almost hoped Cosmo would lash out at him, call him an asshole, and disappear from his life forever. It would’ve been easier to handle anger than this radical forgiveness bullshit.

The truth is, when Cosmo accused Adam of using him for sex, he got really upset. But after his friend left, looking so sad and tired, he realized Cosmo never actually blamed him for anything. He simply said he felt used and Adam reacted like a fucking teenager.

His self-deprecation was interrupted by the phone vibrating again:

why are you not at the dojo
master asked me about you
should i lie?

Adam took a deep breath and replied that yes, they were still friends, and that he was coming soon. He still felt guilty, uncomfortable, and anxious, but he wasn’t going to chicken out. He remembered Cosmo would be busy teaching beginner classes all morning anyway, so he’d have time to assess the situation in peace.
He got dressed, and right before leaving his apartment, he stood in front of the mirror next to the door. His reflection felt foreign, although the tension in his shoulders was still the same as always. There was definitely something different, but Adam didn’t want to think about it just yet.

Once at the dojo, he quietly accepted Kureishi’s scolding about being late and headed toward the changing rooms. He didn’t want to give too much away, but his eyes were scanning the room to locate Cosmo, and soon enough, his friend was enthusiastically waving at him from across the gym. He was in the middle of a class and seemed to be having a lot of fun making people spar with each other.

Adam had always thought he was a great teacher, but it was only recently that Cosmo actually put his talents to use. He smiled at Adam, bright and warm, and Adam immediately felt his stomach turn inside out. He greeted his friend with a simple nod and joined his master. He was going to let out all of the weird tension by beating the shit out of people. Like real men do.

By the time Cosmo was wrapping up his last class of the morning, Adam was a sweating mess. His nose was bleeding, and all the queasiness of the last few days had smothered into his usual emotional state. Cosmo approached him with some napkins and an ice pack.

“Hey. You’re bleeding,” the younger man said, looking at Adam’s wound with his signature smile.

“No shit, Sherlock,” Adam muttered against the ice pack. His entire face was on fire, but it was a welcome sensation in contrast to all the unfamiliar feelings he’d been dealing with. “You done with your thing?”

Cosmo nodded. There was a subtle tension between them, despite both of their efforts not to make it weird. Soon enough, Cosmo was talking Adam’s ear off like always, while the older man pretended to be annoyed. But Adam couldn’t help the way his eyes lingered on his friend’s lean body every time their shoulders bumped. The soft features, his large, slightly tapered eyes, his long, silky hair; the kid was beautiful. Anyone with a pair of functioning eyes would agree.

And that was why Adam wasn’t all that surprised to realize he wanted to fuck him.
But now, looking at Cosmo, he just felt safe and content to be in his presence. He would never admit it out loud, but Adam really liked the way Cosmo seemed to brighten every room he stepped into. He needed someone like that in his life.

“You just missed the funniest joke ever because you’re not listening to me,” Cosmo said, playfully poking Adam’s thigh with his finger. They were sitting on an old bench outside the dojo, where tangled green shrubs pushed up against the wall, blooming here and there with washed-out purples.

“Fuck off. I’ve never heard you make a funny joke in your life,” Adam retorted but he was distracted, on edge, like he was waiting for Cosmo to tell him he didn’t want to see him ever again.

“Whatever. I think you’re just thinking about having sex with me again,” Cosmo said, and Adam’s eyes widened, surprised at the boldness of the statement.

“The fuck? No... I mean—” Adam fumbled with his words. He was never the smooth type. He found talking about his feelings hard and extremely uncomfortable, especially compared to Cosmo, who was always open with anyone. “I ain’t gonna lie. I wanna fuck you. But... only if you want it too. For real.”

“Relax, man. I was kidding,” Cosmo chuckled, but Adam’s reaction had clearly piqued his interest. He turned fully toward Adam and brought his feet up, sitting cross-legged on the bench. He was ready to probe, curious eyes locking onto Adam’s avoidant ones. “But yeah, maybe we should talk about this.”

“You said I used you,” Adam said before he could stop himself. His mouth was moving of its own accord. “And I didn’t.”

Cosmo nodded, smile slowly fading as he processed the words.
“I didn’t say that. I said I felt used. There’s a difference.”

Adam looked up as he continued.

“It’s just weird that you pulled a move on me after six years, out of nowhere. And then I tell you I don’t want to have meaningless sex, and you just kind of... ignore that. That’s all. I obviously don’t think you are trying to hurt me or anything like that.”

Cosmo was calm and straight to the point. Adam appreciated that about him, and always thought it was impressive that he could articulate his feelings so well despite his young age. Adam was an utter mess at twenty-five, and not much had changed since then. But something in Cosmo’s gentle eyes gave him the courage to answer without throwing a fistfight.

“It’s not like I chose to pull a move on you,” Adam started, then quickly interrupted himself when he realized how bad that sounded. “I mean, fuck. Not like that. You’re very hot to be a dude.”

Cosmo laughed and muttered a thanks in response, rolling his eyes like he didn’t believe Adam could genuinely think he was attractive.

“The thing is... After the party, I started feeling weird. Not like butterflies in my stomach or any kind of girly bullshit like that. More like... I felt this desire for you. It confuses me, because I’m not into dudes like that.”

Adam half expected Cosmo to make fun of him, but of course he didn’t. He listened carefully, nodding along. Adam felt nervous under his gaze, leg bouncing relentlessly, hands picking at some leaves from the bushes. After what felt like an eternity, Cosmo asked:

“Do you think you wanted to sleep with me because you’re not sure if you’re into dudes ‘like that’? Maybe I’m a safe option for you. Because I care about you, and maybe you felt... safe enough to try?”

Adam shrugged. “Maybe. But if you put it like that, it does sounds like I used you.”

For a beat, neither of them said anything. Then Cosmo put a hand on Adam’s shoulder, a sweet gesture that immediately grounded him. It wasn’t always easy to understand what he wanted, but something about Cosmo’s steady patience made him feel less lost.

“I’m sorry I left you like that yesterday. It was very dramatic of me,” Cosmo said eventually, but Adam wasn’t mad anymore. He understood, deep down, that what they were dealing with wasn’t as easy as he initially thought.

“Listen, boy. I ain’t like you, okay? You grew up with all this ‘love is free’ shit. I didn’t. Back in Texas, we use faggot as a filler word.”

“Yeah, I know. I remember—”

“Shut the fuck up and let me finish,” Adam interrupted abruptly, afraid that if he stopped now, he’d lose his cool. “Maybe I’m curious, yeah, but not about fucking dudes in general. About fucking you.”

Cosmo opened his mouth a couple of times but didn’t say anything at first. He looked surprised , not disgusted, so that was already something. Adam was so nervous he felt like he could puke. The leaves in his hands were now dust under the weight of his strong fingers.

“Okay. And what about now? Are you still curious?”

“What do you mean?” Adam asked, confused. He didn’t expect this reaction.

“I mean, you were curious about me for some reason. I can understand that. Now we had sex. What’s your verdict?”

Adam was caught off guard, mostly because since their nights together, he’d been too busy lusting after his friend to think about how that could change their relationship. And never once had he asked Cosmo what he thought about it.

Maybe that’s what he meant when he said he felt used.

“I dunno. I haven’t thought about it yet,” Adam said. “Why did you let me fuck you? Twice?”

Cosmo burst out laughing, his cheeks coloring a bright shade of red.

“Because I like you, I think you’re very attractive, and... I was feeling it.”

Adam couldn’t help but smile coyly, his ego definitely benefiting from the sudden boost.
“Ooh, so now you do think I’m hot? You always act so annoyed when I tell you. Saying all that shit about ‘just because I’m into dudes doesn’t mean I’d fuck anyone.’ Then I praise you a bit and you fall to your knees. How ironic.”

Cosmo punched him hard on the arm, but he was still laughing, and Adam didn’t mind the pain. They didn’t really resolve anything, but a lot of the tension that had suffocated their time together was gone.

“I’m just saying... if you want to explore your sexuality, I can introduce you to some people. You might have fun,” Cosmo said, already pulling out his phone to show Adam what he was talking about.

“Nah, I ain’t into that shit. There’s no way they can give me better head than you.”
Adam was just openly fucking with Cosmo now, amused by how shy the kid could still be, even after they’d seen each other naked.

“Yeah, well. I’m not comfortable having sex with you like this.”

“Right. You want to date and shit.”

Cosmo shrugged nonchalantly, but Adam noticed the way he was fidgeting with his shoelaces. He looked so vulnerable, and that made Adam’s heart ache for reasons he didn’t fully understand.

“Is that so bad?” Cosmo asked, voice reduced to a whisper. Adam often forgot there were nine whole years between them, and it was in moments like this that Cosmo actually acted his age.

“I’m just fucking with you, kid. It’s cute and all. But it ain’t me.”

Cosmo nodded slowly. He didn’t say anything else, but he didn’t need to.
Adam, on his end, didn’t feel as relieved as he thought he would after having this conversation. But he told himself he was just going to miss the sex, nothing more. He didn’t care, not if it meant ruining his friendship with Cosmo.

What Adam didn’t account for was how much he was going to miss the intimacy of their connection. It was when Cosmo started withdrawing a bit, saying he needed time apart, that Adam finally understood that he’d been wrong all along.

Chapter Text

It had been a month since the last time they spoke. Of course, they kept seeing each other at the dojo, and sometimes outside with mutual friends, but it was not the same. Cosmo was not exactly avoiding him. He straight up said, “I need a break from you,” and then disappeared from his life. Or better, he stepped to the outskirts of Adam's life when he had been at the center for the past six years.

Adam thought it was going to be a temporary stall, but the more time passed, the clearer it became that Cosmo had been hurt more than he let on. And suddenly they were not speaking, not even exchanging stupid memes, and it fucking sucked. Adam was not ready to let Cosmo go, despite spending the last months convincing himself it would have been better if he had just left him. He figured Cosmo would come around eventually. Probably needed space to cool off or whatever. Adam didn’t ask.

Adam didn’t entirely understand what Cosmo’s problem was. They had great sex that not only Cosmo agreed to, but he also enjoyed so much even his neighbors could hear it. Adam kept replaying their moments together over and over, searching for an uncomfortable reaction, a subtle flinch, but he couldn’t find anything. And all of that thinking about them together just made him want to hit Cosmo up again and fuck him silly.

Of course, he did not do that. He knew better than contacting Cosmo during this weird stall. Adam was not going to lose whatever game his friend was thinking of pulling off. So, he did the only thing he could think of when he was horny, hurt, and uncomfortable. He sent a message to his old friend Kanae:

you up?

Kanae was a beautiful girl Adam met in his first years in Japan. She was funny, smart, and kind enough to understand when Adam told her he was not ready for a relationship. They kept seeing each other casually, most of the time to have sex, but they also sometimes just hung out like normal people. After Kanae's positive answer, it took around twenty minutes for Adam to appear on her doorstep with a pack of beers and some snacks.

"Hey, Adam! What a surprise," Kanae greeted him, kissing him lightly on the cheek and gesturing for him to leave the food on the table. Her enthusiasm didn’t ease Adam’s uneasiness.

They got comfortable, talked about their lives for a bit. Kanae was about three years older than Cosmo and worked as a graphic designer. Adam usually liked her, but he couldn’t relax, even with her long, lean legs on his lap and the promise that they were going to get naked soon. Whatever was going on with him probably had to do with the fact that the last person he touched that way was his best friend. A man. His body was probably confused.

Soon, they were making out on the couch. Kanae was all soft curves, quiet moans, and delicate fingers touching Adam like he was precious. She was very different than Cosmo, although even in their diversity Adam could scourge a sort of quiet adoration that both of his lovers had reserved for him. They started slow, sensual, but they escalated quickly into hot, rough, and freaky territory. Adam pinned both of Kanae’s arms along her sides and was biting the inside of her thighs. When she reached Adam’s crotch with her slender ankle, she went still.

"Are you okay?" she asked. Adam couldn’t tell if her tone was worried or mildly offended at his lack of enthusiasm.

"Fine. Let’s keep going," Adam said, quickly resuming his task, but Kanae was having none of it.

"Wait," she started, trying to get her hands free from Adam’s hold. "You look... sad. I don’t want to do anything if your mind is elsewhere."

Adam felt a familiar wave of hot rage surging from the depth of his chest. He didn’t mean to lash out at his friend, but it felt suffocating to keep it inside.

"What the fuck, Kae? I ain’t sad. Don’t treat me like a fucking psychiatric patient." His voice reverberated in the quiet room, deep and gravelly, startling the cat that had been sleeping on the windowsill all along. He could see Kanae’s expression harden, the way it did every time she saw Adam in this sour mood, and she pushed him away. She was weak, but Adam immediately let go the moment he sensed her withdrawal.

"Okay. Fuck you and get out. I don’t care if you cannot get hard, but I am not going to let you yell at me in my own house," she said, putting her shirt back on and signaling the door.

Their encounter left Adam even more confused and upset than before. It had never happened to him that he didn’t feel like fucking, especially with Kanae, who was a safe option for him. He still thought she was gorgeous and sexy, but he also couldn’t help but long for someone else’s touch. He couldn’t stop thinking about Cosmo. At first, he figured it was because he was horny, but after his failed hookup, he started thinking things might be more complicated than he initially thought.

It was a new, strange feeling for him. It seemed like it wasn’t not only the sex that he missed, although he did think about that quite often. He mostly missed the way Cosmo effortlessly filled his time with stupid jokes and rants about martial arts. He made Adam feel the unconditional love he never thought he deserved, and he didn’t ask for anything in return. Cosmo liked him and believed in him in ways no one ever did, even when Adam was being an idiot, which was most of the time.

His life went on. He still trained hard, he still got drunk with his friends, and he still talked to his mother every Sunday. But he could feel Cosmo’s absence, concrete and visceral. It was like all the affection he had for him before was now roaming crazy around his apartment, looking for a place to rest. It was driving him insane, but he didn’t know how to fix it. He didn’t think he had the right to.

Eventually, he decided to text Cosmo. He didn’t want to physically approach him yet because he feared it might be too much. He needed material to understand whether their friendship was fucked forever, but his heart felt tender, fragile, and he couldn’t stand rejection face to face. After trying different options, he settled for a simple:

hey
you good to talk?

And the answer came immediately.

sure. now?

So, this is how they found themselves on the roof of Adam’s apartment complex, as a cool evening wind threatened to chill the humid air of Japanese summer. Cosmo was sitting on the low wall while Adam was leaning on it, close enough for Adam’s forearm to touch Cosmo’s naked thigh. He tried not to think too much about his friend’s lean legs, because that’s not what they met for. Adam needed all of his wit if he wanted to get out of this situation.

"So. What do you want to talk about?" Cosmo asked, nervously fidgeting with the hem of his shorts. He looked younger under the city lights, his features soft and open and sad. Adam felt a familiar guilt settle in his stomach. His fingers itched to reach out and take Cosmo’s hand, but he didn’t.

"I miss you," Adam started, avoiding eye contact. If he was going to be a pussy like that, he didn’t want to see the other’s reaction. "My apartment is full of your shit and it makes me think of you all the time."

He heard Cosmo exhale slowly, shifting his weight a bit, then saying, "I can take my stuff with me when I leave."

Adam suddenly turned around to face Cosmo, like his friend had said the stupidest thing ever. "No! That ain’t it. I don’t want you to take your stuff. I want you to stay with me."

Cosmo seemed surprised to hear that, but he didn’t comment, sensing that Adam was not yet done with his speech. He was such a great listener that Adam felt brave enough to top it up a notch.

"I think I’m into you. Like, obviously I think you’re a cool dude. And I told you that I was curious about fucking you, but it’s a lie," Adam said. "I think I was already into you and then my body sort of... caught up."

Cosmo was looking at him with a weird expression Adam couldn’t decipher. He didn’t seem happy, though.

"I don’t know what to say," Cosmo offered, voice unsteady. It was weird to see him this serious. No smiles, no relentless enthusiasm. It made Adam nervous.

"You can tell me to fuck off, punch me, leave. I can think of a thousand more things you could say. Just fucking say something, you’re creeping me out."

"I’m creeping you out?" Cosmo asked, a little defensive. "I swear, sometimes it’s so hard to talk to you. I try, because I love you and you’re my best friend, but it’s too much."

Adam quickly opened his mouth to retort, but Cosmo lifted his hand in warning and he stopped. The fire in his friend’s eyes was enough to shut him up.

"You’re just pushing me away constantly. Why do you think you wanted to have sex with me? Things were going too well and you needed to fuck it up. So you can tell yourself that you’re a piece of shit, undeserving of love, blah blah." Cosmo sighed, dragging both hands down his face. "And then... I tell you that I like you, and you ghost me for a month."

"You said you needed time apart. I thought—"

"Yeah. Like, I meant maybe try not to hang out every second we can. You went full no contact. You didn’t even look at me for the first week."

Adam looked at Tokyo in the distance, a thick layer of pale fog surrounding the rooftops of the buildings. Cosmo’s words hit him hard, crawling into the crevices of his mind and clawing at the meat until nothing was left. He was a self-deprecating asshole who didn’t think he deserved to be happy. And he sure as hell didn’t think he deserved Cosmo. The kid was so full of love and affection that it scared Adam.

For the first time, he got confronted with how afraid he actually was. His whole fighting career was ruled by a crippling fear of being weak and powerless. He was taught that being a man meant taking care of your people and pushing your needs aside. Don’t ever cry. Love, but not too much. But now he could see the way his act was hurting Cosmo. For him, Adam had put up a wall so high he’d die if he kept chasing the summit.

"I’m sorry," Adam said, after a long silence. "I’m scared. Because you are so young— No. Because I don’t know how to let you in. I’m afraid... I’m afraid you’re gonna be disappointed to find that I’m empty."

"Empty?" Cosmo asked, voice trembling. When Adam finally turned his way, he realized that he had been crying. His first instinct was to get mad, to withdraw, but he stopped himself. He didn’t want to be afraid anymore. Adam shifted so he could be closer to Cosmo, one hand already reaching out to his cheek. Cosmo let him, which was a good sign.

"Yeah. I dunno why you like me so much, boy. I have nothing to offer."

"Don’t talk like that about yourself." Cosmo freed himself from Adam’s hand but kept it in between his on his lap. "And I’m the one who decides if it’s worth it to love you or not."

Adam chuckled. "You are so bossy," he said. "So, you’ve been into me for how long?"

Cosmo shrugged, gaze never leaving Adam’s hand, the occasional tear slowly streaming down his face. "I dunno. Maybe I was always a bit into you. It’s hard to say."

"And you never said anything?"

"No? You never once made me think that you could be interested in me."

Adam laid his head on top of Cosmo’s thigh, his friend’s warmth offering comfort to his wild heart. "You still want to date me?"

He felt Cosmo’s lips kissing the top of his head. Adam smiled against his thigh, happy Cosmo was not able to see it.

"Yeah," Cosmo said. They stayed like that for a while, basking in a weird, comforting sensation that was new for both of them.

Eventually, they went back inside Adam’s apartment. He kind of expected to be overwhelmed by all the desire he had felt for Cosmo during their time apart, but he didn’t want to fuck. It was absolutely out of character for him, and scary, but he was trying to embrace his emotions the way Cosmo did.

They ended up lying side by side in the darkness of the bedroom, Cosmo’s hand resting loosely against Adam’s stomach. Adam didn’t make a move. So he felt a little offended when Cosmo suddently asked, surprised:

"Are you not going to try anything?"

His voice was barely a whisper, like he was afraid of breaking the thin balance that was Adam’s emotions. Although Adam felt like lashing out a bit, he shook his head and started nervously playing with Cosmo’s hand on him.

"No. Just wanna be close," he mumbled, unsure how to placate his racing heart. Being honest fucking sucked. He felt safe next to his best friend, but his heart rate was spiking and his stomach was twisted.

"Okay," Cosmo said eventually.

He shifted a little closer, the heat of his body now pressed gently against Adam’s side. The room was quiet except for the soft hum of the fan, and the rhythmic pattern of Cosmo’s breathing, steady and calm.

Adam closed his eyes. His throat felt tight. But he let himself stay in the moment, still afraid but not running away.