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Chapter Text

Charlie

After a long week, Charlie is grateful that he doesn't have to go into Uni again for a few weeks.

“So remember, your end of year finals are coming up. Study hard, and if you need anything, email Laura, I'll be off for the rest of the year”

He decided to book a last minute holiday, to avoid finals, but he knew his colleague Laura, who teaches the class every Wednesday would step in.

As the young adults leave, Laura walks in. Cue the eye roll.“I guess I should thank you for taking care of the class. I just needed this holiday ""yeah and maybe some cheering up too. Grumpy” she laughs.

He glared at her. They had  dated briefly in the middle of college. 3 months. Charlie had  called it off once finding out Laura was still with her ‘ex’.

They didn't talk after that until finding out about teaching the same ancient history lecture.

“Well cya” “charlie- wait” Laura places her hand on Charlie's shoulder. It instantly takes him back to his early 20s, college days. The place she would always put her hand to relax, the intimate moments they shared. The drunken nights where they would be laughing. The last time she put her hand there was when she was trying to comfort him after breaking the news.

“I think, I-.. well. You deserve to have the holiday with Emmy?”

Charlie didn't know what to say. Laura was always the life of the party. Usually dropping Emmy, their daughter off at all hours to party. Charlie was still pretty close with his sister Tori, who lived with him with single Dad duties. In the last few months , the bond charlie had with his only daughter turned distant.

Emmy had been the result of one of their drunken night outs.

When the test came back positive, they were both scared for their futures.

Laura was more afraid than Charlie. This was when she also let the news about the ex slip, and Charlie demanded a paternity test to be done once the baby was born.

“Are you sure? You never let me take her away.” Charlie was a bit horrified at the opportunity being given.

“It's either a yes or no Charles. If you don't want to take her away then that's fine. Let her down again” Laura was a bit pissed now.

“Let her down again?! You were The one that all those years never invited me to birthday parties or Christmas. You always lied to her, that I couldn't make it, or would say no. When deep down, I really wanted to be there for her.” Charlie's voice deepened in hurt. Starting to crack. Tears filling up his eyes

“So?” The questioning became even more tense

“Yes. Laura. Gosh. Of course I'll take my daughter! Happy?!”

…

Nick

“Alright. We have our fan meeting tour in less than a week get your smiles on” Nick, being rugby captain of his team for the past 10 years, has done this more times than he can count. They were starting off local, before making their way to London, Paris, Leeds, back home to finish. Only a short tour.

As all the rugby lads pack up after training, Nick opens his locker to put his kit away, seeing the photo of him and his daughter, Lyla, with their Cousins Leo and Tilly.

Nick became a single dad of Lyla 8 years ago. a few weeks after she was born.

She meant the world to him, and would never let anyone hurt her.

For the tour, she was staying with her Nana. This wasn't unusual for her to do so. Sarah, Nick's mum, would always look after her grand baby when Nick had to do something for work.

For the past 8 years, Nick has managed to keep Lyla out of the spotlight with no paparazzi or fans plastering her image anywhere. She never went to grand finals in person, only at home watching them with her nana , to celebrate later with daddy if his team won.

** time skip **

Nick enters his mother's house. He is greeted by Henry. The old pug he has had since 16. Nellie, his first best friend aka dog sidekick, passed away when Lyla was 2.

He was grateful that his first ‘baby’ could meet his first real baby. But he still missed her dearly.

It's not long until Lyla catches a glimpse of Nick. Both their eyes lightened up.

“DADDY!!!” she jumps off the couch, running straight to Nick.

“OH my gosh! I missed you! How was school?” Nick's voice gets higher , letting his daughter know he is always interested in her life.

Growing up how he did with a very absent father, he didn't want that for his daughter despite her having an absent mother.

“It was good! I played on the monkey bars at lunch! And we got the math test back!”

Sarah starts to stroll over to her granddaughter and son, smiling ear to ear

“And?!!” Nick couldn't wait to hear the results.

“I passed. 100%!!!”

Nick couldn't control his smiling any more.

***

Charlie

Home by 4:45pm again. Just in time for bath time and dinner. Charlie moved in with his sister, Tori, and her partner, Michael, after the Breakup with Laura. He needed extra help and support raising a newborn, with Tori and Michael allowing him to stay as little or as much as needed.

The few ‘months’ turned into 5 years and counting.

As soon as he walks in the door, he is greeted by Tori

“Tori. Stop doing that …”

“Older sister magic” she laughs back

“Was Emmy good for you today?” Nerves in Charlie's voice.

“Yep. And you're still going to Paris?”

“Yeah. Well. Actually..  Do you and Michael want to come? Surprisingly Laura is allowing me to Ems.”

Michael Comes around the corner, shock in his voice “wait. Are you?”

“I know. Just as shocked as you. But of course. I finally get a holiday  with her.” Charlie's eyes start watering. Which is very rare. It only happened twice in his life.

Emmy being born

When he broke his arm as a toddler

Just as they finish talking, Emmy appears out of the middle of nowhere

“Where do I get to go daddy?!”

“Paris with me? How does that sound?”

Emmy's eyes light up “yess yess yess!! That would be so fun! We- we- DINSEYLAND AND THE TOWER”

“whatever you want bub. Whatever you want "Charlie grabs His daughter and brings her in for a cuddle.

The only one he ever has energy for cuddles.

*time skip*

After a while, Charlie lays in bed with Emmy, her hand in the palm of Charlie's. So Innocent and small. The world is her playground.

Mindlessly scrolling on his phone, he sees posts about the rugby union team who just won the grand final going on tour.

They'll be around the same area in Paris at the same time as him. Charlie has never really been into rugby. Only seeing glimpses of it on the TV.

He zooms into some of the players, looking at how much muscle they have, how strong they look. He zooms in closer to the team captain, Nicholas Nelson.

Charlie cannot entirely figure out where he has seen him before, but the face is bringing back some past memory, a distant one.

After doom scrolling, he looks down and sees the time is 2am, great. Charlie knows that in a few hours he will be woken by his somewhat very energetic 5 year old who is a morning person. He can't understand the genes there.

Just as Charlie's eyes shut off, he is woken. Emmy is tossing and turning, whimpering, must have had a bad dream. Emmy knows she doesn't have to say anything for her dad to comfort her in these tender moments. Charlie wraps his arm around  her little body, pulling her closer. She snuggles into him and instantly they both fall back asleep. 

Chapter Text

Nick 

I'm dreading leaving my baby girl again. I love this sport, and my brain is telling me to keep going. But my heart says to stop, to be there for Lyla. She's my little best friend, the one person who I feel gets me. 

It's been me and her for the last 8 years. I'm in my late 20s now. 28 to be exact. 

Lyla was born a week before my 20th birthday. Mum At first wasn't overly happy when I announced the news she would be a grandmother, but she quickly grew to love the small child. 

For my 21st, a year into being a single dad, mum threw me a massive birthday party, alongside Lyla's 1st birthday. At the time, even though I was already allowed to drink from the age of 18, mum had a banner saying ‘first shots and first birthdays” . 

I have been playing A-level rugby since my uni days. I quickly gained the promotion of captain, and have been in the same position since. 

It has been on my mind for a while now. Every day when I get home from training, every game, every tear I silently shed to myself to not worry my girl. But I'm ready to retire. 

Lyla turns 9 next year, and I want to enjoy the rest of her childhood years whilst I still have them. The last 9 have slipped away from me, and I don't want the next 9, when she makes that stage of adulthood to slip quickly either. 

“Daddy” I'm woken up once again by the same voice. I love it 

“Yes Lylz?” What's wrong hun?” I pat the bed, making her aware there is always room for her to jump up.

Before I can blink, Lyla is jumping on the bed, snuggling into me 

“I don't want you to leave tomorrow” there's a crack in her voice.

Great Lyla. Now I'm emotional. I hold back the tears, trying to always be strong. 

“Baby. I know. Me either. But guess what?” I want to pose the retirement question to her. 

“What is it daddy?” Her eyes look up at me. I see so much innocence in them. I don't want her to ever change that. If I could stay here forever, keep her like this. I would. 

“How about after this fan meeting, before next season starts, I say to the team about retirement. Also known as not playing again and it won't be my job any more? It means I can be at home all the time with you!” Her head tilts, trying to process what I've just told her. To be fair, if I were I, just woke up and got hit with a lot of ‘adult conversation’ I'd have the same look. 

“Earth to Lyla. Can you hear me?” I laugh, which she then lets off a little giggle. 

“Yes. But what you want daddy. You have to be happy. And I'm happy if you are”

GOSH DARN IT. She melts my heart more and more each day. She is one of the most compassionate, loveable kids I know of. She always thinks about other people before herself. Such a strong quality to have at such a young age. 

“Awh. You are so sweet” I start to stroke her hair, giving her little forehead kisses. We used to live by ourselves for around 3 years, but then decided to move in with mum. She's been such a big help, and I'm forever grateful. 

“Hey Lyla? Want to go out for breakfast? We could maybe go to the Cafe?”

A grin lights her face up. She's showing teeth in the smile 

“Yes please!! And I'm getting pancakes. Could nanna come too??”

“We will have to ask-” before I finish my sentence, Lyla runs off, screaming down the hall shouting for nana to come. 

*time skip*

After the massive stack of pancakes we all shared, mum heads off. She volunteers every now again at the dog shelter. As she got older, her work load got less and less. Mum used to do so much for us kids growing up. 

“Alright, well, I'll see you later. Have a fun day!”

“Bye bye Nanna!!” Lyla giving mum a massive kiss 

“Awh, bye bye my lovely girl” mum gives her the biggest nanna Hug. She always does.

Teasingly. I joked “do I get a big bear hug?”

Mum glances my way and blows a kiss before heading off. 

Lyla and I sit at the Cafe for a little while later before we decide we want to go to the beach. The weather hasn't been that pleasant lately. But today it's nice enough to have ice cream by the water's edge. 

“Do you want to head off now monkey?”. 

“Yeah!!” Lyla stands up, grabs my arm and starts to pull me. Always ready. 

Lyla really wanted to catch the train over. She said it would be more fun. On the train we have a look on my phone, at all the fun stuff that we can do when I get back from tour.

“Wait. Daddy, could we go to Australia?”

“Why Australia baby?”

“It seems cool! And they have fun theme parks”

“What about in the summer holidays for us, so right after I finish the tour, we could go to Australia and then fly to Paris a week before Menorca?”

“Yes yes yes!!!” 

Well that's sorted. I've always loved taking summer holidays with Lyla. It's always been our thing. We always manage to come back for the annual Menorca holiday. I've been going there ever since I was her age. Then the twins, Leo and Tilly, were born, and I got to hang with them. Now, my daughter can have just as much Fun with them. 

When we get to the beach, we are instantly hit with the salt air, the sound of the seagulls in the distance brings back memories instantly.

The heat of the sun glares on the water, blinding but gorgeous. 

Lyla grabs my hand, and we take a stroll before grabbing ice cream and finding a place to rest. 

“Daddy?” says Lyla before taking another lick of the ice cream 

I slowly turn my head, giving her all my attention. I instantly laugh, at the site of ice cream on her nose

“Bub, you have a little something” still with a chuckle. I use my finger to wipe off the bubblegum ice cream. 

“OH thank you daddy” chuckling along with me.

“But what did you want to say?” my head tilts, looking curious. 

“Well. I've been thinking. Will you ever meet someone? Will I have a mummy or daddy who will live with us?” 

Gulp.

Lyla knows I'm bisexual . She is always going on about wanting a mummy or daddy that cares enough to be with us. I place my arm around her, bringing her in. She lies her head on my shoulder. 

“I don't know Lyla, maybe.” I'm still uncertain myself if that's what I really want. She knows that too

“Don't be scared too Daddy. You are nice! Anyone will love you” there it is again. 

After finishing our ice cream, we end up laying down. Lyla had fallen asleep a while ago, so peaceful. And I don't want to wake her up but I also know I eventually will need to go home and pack. 

I scroll on my phone, the glare from the sun making it hard to make out the graphics on the screen. 

I enter my details onto a dating app, and hope for the best.

I set my profile as interested in dating males. After Laura, women scared me off. 

I swipe right a few times, and swipe left more. I place my phone down, and close my eyes. A minute later I got a notification. That I've matched with someone. 

Charlie Spring 

27, dad to one daughter. 

Looking for a no strings attached relationship. 

University professor, London UK. 

Oh damn, I think to myself. He is a HOT guy. I take a shot at a message. 

Nick Nelson 

Charlie? Hi. How are you? 

Charlie Spring 

I'm doing fine. You? 

Nick Nelson

Yeah, good. So. we matched 😅

Charlie Spring

It looks like it. Where in the UK are you from? 

Nick Nelson

Truham. I take it you are in London? 

Charlie Spring 

Yeah, have been for a while. I moved here after my daughter was born. I see you have a daughter Too? 

Nick Nelson

Yea. But i don't talk much of her to people i hardly know. She's 8. That's All I'm saying for now. She can remain nameless and imageless until I trust you enough 

Charlie Spring

Oh trust? Well, my daughter is 5. Not in kindergarten yet. I bet you miss those days. Your name sounds familiar? 

** nicks thoughts: “oh great he knows” ** 

Nick Nelson 

Oh really?? Where from? 

Charlie Spring 

Maybe high school? Sixth form. Hamlet? Mr Lange. 

Nick Nelson

Charlie? Charles Spring? Headboy of Truham Grammer. No way! 

Charlie Spring

Oh so yeah, you are Nicholas Nelson then! Haha. So weird after all these years! How was university for you? 

Nick Nelson

It was good, I got into child care, but put that aside for my rugby. You probably remember me as the captain for our school.. 

Charlie Spring 

Yeah, and the guy at the end of sixth form who got a girl from a university open day pregnant.. 

Nick Nelson

Not my finest moment, but pleased to say that the baby is now cuddled up next to me, the 8 year old I mentioned earlier, asleep.

Charlie spring 

Too cute I might Puke. Anyways. My 5 year old is outside playing with her uncle.

Nick Nelson

so,  your story? Single dad of a 5 year old 

Charlie Spring

Drunken night out. One night stand, turned into a relationship because of baby, 3 months later, i dumped her 

Nick Nelson 

Ouch. Being three months pregnant? 

Charlie Spring

Hush hush, didn't let me finish. No. She was still with her ex. So once the baby was born, got a paternity test, it was mine, she didn't want the child. I got custody. 5 years later here I am. 

Nick Nelson

Well I'm Bi. You? 

Charlie Spring 

After that one random night. Gay

Nick Nelson 

Hahaha. Do you want to trade phone numbers? Talk more there? 

Charlie Spring

I'm not a numbers type guy..but uh, talk soon. 

**Off chat**

I look down and Lyla is starting to stir. I rub her shoulder a few times and she wakes up. I get up first and she puts her arms out. 

I pick her up and she melts into me, just like how she did as a toddler. Gosh I miss those days. Straight away she falls back asleep and she feels quite warm. Must be heat exhaustion.

Back at home I run her a nice cool, but not too cold bath. She has a play for a while, and then helps me pack my bags.

“Wait. Why are you taking this jumper?” picking up  and cradling, burying her face into the soft green hoodie. 

“Uh because it's MINE” I gently tug it away from her, this makes her fall onto the bed 

“But it's mine now!” She gets back up, and snatches it running to her room, my old room. 

It's bittersweet that she is growing up in the same room I did. Those walls have seen A LOT. From the sleepless nights I got because of nightmares, holding Nellie extra tight, to the sleepless nights as I comforted my newborn, to the now, peaceful moments, gone from a teenage boys room with dark blue walls, to pink walls and princesses everywhere. All the unicorn posters with puppies and kittens. 

I chase her back and we are both laughing a lot. Henry is also chasing us at this stage. 

“NANNNNAAAA HELPPP” she playfully yells out 

“Nanna isn't here hahahah” I tickled her more. 

After the chaos, we settle down and finish packing. She gave me her panda, the one she sleeps with every night. 

It was a gift from David when she was born. 

Growing up David hardly had anything to do with me. He was the annoying older brother, and then he moved out when I was 16. 3 years later I told him about Lyla, and raced over. He may not be a big fan of me, but he does love his little girl. She has brought out the best of him, and mum and I both are seeing a different version of him. 

“Now you sure you want me to take Mr Panda? You love him!” 

“I'm sure!” she hands me a bracelet as well “and I want you to wear this! Every day!!”

I look down, a beaded bracelet reading I love you. 

“I love it Lyla!” I Hug her tightly. Not wanting to let go. 

“I might make one for aunt Immy!!” Imogen isn't her aunt by blood, but has been the parents' best friends’ aunt type situation. 

“OH she would love that! You know aunty Immy loves her bracelets!” 

“Do you think I could have a sleepover tonight with her?”

“She will have to say yes!”

“Ring her then!” she says being inpatient 

*on phone*

Imogen 

NICHOLAS! 

Nick

Hi Imogen 

Imogen 

What's up?

I hand the phone to Lyla

Lyla 

Immy?! Can I sleep over 

Imogen

Of course! Wait. What did daddy say? 

Lyla 

He said I could if you said yes 

Imogen

Am I picking you up or- wait hand there phone to dad

Nick

Me again 

Imogen

Do you want me to pick her up on my way home? 

Nick.

Whatever works best for you. I'm getting ready for tour so

Imogen

Well, then yeah. I can easily pick her up.

Nick

Thanks Imogen, I'll have to let mum know the plans with little miss. 

Wait. can we switch to messages? I have some news to tell you, that I don’t want Lyla hearing. 

Imogen hangs up straight away. 

“What news dada?” always wanting to know everything. I laugh, and tell her it's a surprise, which is a lie. But she knows surprises means no more asking questions, or the surprise would be ruined, and that's no fun. 

Messages 

Imogen

So. Nicholas? What is said news?

Nick

Ok, don’t hate me. But, I started talking to someone again. It's been 2 years since I last did. And I'm ready.

Imogen

OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!! NICKKKK. Who? When? Where?? I need ALL the details. 

Nick

Fine, earlier today, the beach, Tinder. 

Imogen

OOooo okay. But. who?

Nick

I'm keeping that to myself. I don’t think it will last long. I asked to swap phone numbers and he said that he isn’t really the phone number type. 

Imogen

Ok, maybe a bit too soon for numbers. 

Imogen

Wait..

Imogen

DID YOU SAY HE?!

Imogen

Nick! 

Imogen

I knew the last time was a guy. But Awh. Nick! Ok, ok, where does he live?

Nick

London

Imogen

Oooo. and you’re going there for tour now aren't you?

Nick

Yes, and no. I don’t want to find him, hook up, then leave. I'm wanting  long term. Someone I eventually can introduce to Lyla. Maybe give her a sibling. 

Imogen

Well. whatever you decide, I'm happy. But maybe give it a chance> meet in person, see if you can connect in person. That is if you do see a future with mystery man, then you can see what he is like in person before you, sweet boy, golden retriever, Nicholas Luke Nelson gets too attached. And broken. Again. But I would do it sooner rather than later, and sorry. But a long message is incoming. But DO IT NOW. We are getting older Nick. Sahar and I have settled down, Tara and Darcy have too. Maybe its time you finally do. Yes you have a child. But, don’t take this wrong. She was from a high school, stupid night. Yeah, you love her dearly, she is your world. But at the time, you didn’t want her. You didn’t even know what university you were going to, let alone what you were going to major in. She was the result of a one night stand. Don’t you think she deserves better? A mother or another father that can love her dearly like you. That she isn’t going around school saying that she lives with her dad and grandmother because she has no idea who her real mother is, but is too young to understand that her real mother doesn’t want anything to do with her? Nick. if you don’t find someone you know, and they don’t come into Lyla’s life, it may be too late by the time you want to. Lyla will be all grown up. It’s your choice at the end of the day. I know your mum did it single for YEARS AND YEARS. Raised your brother and you all by herself, didn’t find anyone else. But, that wasn't her. She had given Stephan so many chances in life. To have her and both you boys back. He didn’t try to earn that right back. A completely different situation , because you and David in a way did still have your dad. He still was present here and there. Not as much as what you wanted. But Lyla doesn’t have that. And YES I'm using her so much in this message. But that's because she is your world, and you would do anything for her. So im using her as this example to get through to you that you have so much love to give, she has so much to give. And you both deserve the right man in your life to be your second dad and hubby. I will finish work soon. I’ll come around 4pm to get her. 

I think of Imogen's last message. I am hesitant to reply back. As I don’t know what to say. She is right. If I don’t ever give it a go. The chance may never come again. I Message her back Ok, Thanks. Just so I'm not being rude.

I get onto tinder and open up my last message with Charlie. I decide if I should ask the question.

Chapter Text

Charlie

It's 5pm. 

I got a message from Nick a while ago. I'm a bit hesitant to open it. I have no idea what he wants.  I have no intentions of wanting to know. 

All I care about is my time off work and Emmy. 

I turn the shower on, and have it really hot. I look down at the 3-in1 bubble-gum shampoo, conditioner and body wash. 

Emmy absolutely loves this stuff. I ran out of shampoo the other day and have been too lazy to buy more. So I decided to use hers. 

After my shower, I put my tracksuit pants on and a loose fitting shirt. 

As I walk down the stairs, I see Emmy laughing in the lounge with Tori. 

“And what are you two laughing about?” I give off a small chuckle.

“Aunty started tickling me as usual” Emmy let out in between giggles. 

“And you have the best giggles ever!” I have to agree with Tori on that one. 

Michael gets home from work with take out. Tonight was fish and chips. 

My eating has become better and better over the years. More so since Emmy was born. The last time I counted my calories was when I found out I was cheated on. When I was contemplating if Emmy was actually mine or not. 

I kept telling myself that night that If the baby wasn't mine, then I don't know what I would've done. If I'd still be here today. 

As we eat, I see Tori look over my direction. And then here my phone Buzz. 

I look down and read her message “ proud of you always x” 

I look back at her and give a small smile. Not too obvious for the other two.

I look down again and see my unread message still from Nick. still not intending on replying. I have a closer look. ‘ Hi. I'm going to be in London from the 17th-21st. Want to meet up?’

So He wants to meet… I breathe out heavily. I have never gone out with someone in a date situation. Not after Laura.

I put my phone back away and focus on Emmy, Tori and Michael. 

After finishing up dinner, Emmy has her bath as usual. 

Tori usually takes care of bath time, especially when it comes to hair wash nights. Which is tonight. 

Emmy HATES her hair being washed. It is a constant battle, and I have tried to step in multiple times to help, but Tori always reassures me that she can handle it. Tori seems to use her tough, assertive voice in those situations. It worked on me as a little kid, and it has worked for Olly, our brother.

5 minutes after the bath had stopped running, Michael and I held our breaths, waiting for the screaming match to start.

Nothing. Hallelujah. 

“I might actually call Olly. I haven’t in a while” my voice goes soft. I became numb. 

Olly and I were very close, but we grew apart as we got older. I got busy with Emmy, and work, and never found the time. Lame, I know. I SHOULD be making time. 

“Yeah, that's all good, hope the phone call goes well!” Michael always, like Tori, is reassuring. I guess that's why they're so perfect together. Something I wish I had. 

Sitting on the porch, there is a bit of light, warming up my surroundings. Emmy’s swing set and trampoline are just silhouettes as the sun goes down and the moon rises. I don’t know if it’s because of my nerves in calling Olivier after all this time, or the slight chill in the air. But I'm shaking. My body feels numb. Almost as numb as what it was the night I found out Laura cheated on me. The numbness I felt when mum and dad separated. 

I don’t blame dad for wanting to get away. All mum did for our childhood was  argue, mainly cause them. She had the tendency to make everything about herself. Even when I was admitted as impatient. She was all about what her reputation would be like, how the neighbour would view her as a mother. I quite frankly didn’t care what they thought. She didn’t care enough after my first attempt to take me to the hospital, it was only the second time when Tori took me to the hospital that I actually got the help I needed. 

Olivier found me. I guess in a way I'm so distant from him because of that night. 

I had no intention of ever putting my little brother in that position, it's a sense of guilt that I will never shake off. I still think about his little face. Filled with fear and worry. His older brother, the one he looked up to the most, was surrounded by pills, a bit of blood, and not fully conscious, only enough to make out slight shapes of the ‘homely’ objects around. The dining table where we had all our Sunday roasts. The stacks of washing Tori and I needed to do before mum and dad came back for the weekend. The tint of the kitchen lamp only ever so slightly lit the room just enough for me to see Olly. I cannot remember anything else from that night.

I dial up his number, my chest tightening with every ring. Will he or won't he answer. 

If he does answer will he be happy? Will he blame me? What if he never wants to talk again.

By the third ring he picks up.

“Hello? Charlie?” he is unsure why I called first. Usually he does. And I don't answer.

“Hey Olly. How are you?” There's a crack in my voice

“Yeah I'm good. Just got home from work. You?” He still is hesitant 

“Emmy is having a bath, Tori is on those duties. Michael and I just finished cleaning up dinner. And yeah” I give the basics. I pause. I want to know more about HIS life, he is my little brother. And I unfortunately have let some of those years slip away.
“So, high school graduation soon.” I let out a sigh, the kind of sigh you make when someone you love dearly is growing up too fast.

“Yep. next week. That went way too quick.” letting out a small laugh.

“Tell me about it! You were 13 when Emmy was born, now you are graduating high school and she is graduating preschool. What the heck?!” An idea pops into my head. I don’t want to talk about it, as I want it to remain a surprise. 

“Kindergarten next year?! Woah! She's such a big girl now” there's a sense of nostalgia in his tone. We both laugh about it and talk more about how quick her years of life went. That the little baby I was scared to raise isn’t so little. I think I've done pretty well getting her to live 5 years so far. 

Our conversation went on for an hour, Tori bringing Emmy out to talk to Olivier, and then to say goodnight. Getting off the phone I feel some sense of relief. I broke a barrier. I made the first step into restoring my relationship with my baby brother. He isn’t a baby anymore, he is 18. Last time Tori went to see him, he was towering over her. Even when she was standing on her toes and he was kneeling down a touch. 

I decide to get back onto Tinder, and finally message Nick Nelson back after leaving him questioning his decisions into making the first move. If I were him, I would be feeling anxious, worried, contemplating if I made the right choice or not. 

Messages:

Charlie:

Hey, I'm so sorry I didn’t reply back. You know how life gets with littles aha. Anyways. About your offer meeting up?

5 minutes pass

*seen*

*typing*

Nick:

Not all good, I definitely do understand. But what about the offer? Do you want to take it Mr Spring

Charlie:

Gosh  I hate you Mr Rugby boy Nelson. And yeah. 

Charlie:
Well, about that… I know you said London because I live over here and you are coming to tour. But what about when I come to Truham? I have got a family over there, as you know, and I was taking Emmy (Yes, I have decided you get name privileges now) to see her grandparents and Uncle. So what do you say? We meet up next week?

Nick:
Oh wow, um yeah- that would be good. And I will give you name privileges too. My daughter is Lyla. Is Emmy short for anything?

Charlie:

Emery. She knows her name is Emery, but prefers Emmy. What about you? Is it just Lyla or is that a nickname as well? 

Nick: 

Delilah. Shortened it to Lyla. that spelling looked better then Lilah HAHAA

Charlie:

Way better. I like it. Does she constantly go on about wanting a dog? Emmy does, It's annoying.

Nick:

Well for the first 3 years of her life she had Nellie, My childhood dog, and we still have my late teenage years dog, Henry. Maybe 1.5 years ago I got her a dog of her very own as she says. So she has only ever known to be around dogs. Maybe think about it, they can be quite good companions for kids. The best of buddies. 

Charlie:

Oh of course you have them aha. Erm, well that's the thing. I have been thinking about it, but…. It's too hard. I work full time, and so does my sister and brother in law who I live with. There would be no one to play with the dog or look after said dog during the day. 

Charlie:

Maybe I can get her a fish, they seem easy. 

Nick

Poor kid, asks for a dog, gets a fish. LAME. But no, I see what you mean. I only have the flexibility of having them because of mum. She volunteers for work a few hours nowadays and that's twice a week, aka my days off training. So someone is always home with the dogs. Maybe since you are coming over before you go back home only if you are comfortable Emmy can meet (I hope you are ok with me calling her by that, if not I can call her Emery) Henry and Daisy? 

Charlie:

I’ll think about it. And yes, I'm fine you can call her by Emmy. 

Nick:

Do you want to wait until we meet to tell our stories or not? Rip the band aid off? I don’t mind dumping everything on you. 

Charlie:

I think my story would be  a whole lot bigger than yours. I'm still dealing and in constant battle with my daughters mother.

Nick: 

Oh , ew, that sucks. But want to go first then? Then I can have a not so sweet finish of something smaller?

Charlie: 

Sure.

[ I think to myself of how  quickly we have gained trust in one another. Strangers sharing their similar stories straight away. Something that happens once in twenty lifetimes. ]

Charlie:

Ok, So you may need popcorn

[ I contemplate if I should or not, I decide that whilst he is typing for a very long time that I should. That way I have nice warm buttery popcorn to read it]

Charlie:

Alright so. It was right before Summer, I don’t want to give names, so I'll call her heather. 

Heather and I worked at the same university, at first she was just a barrister and one of the Cafes whilst finishing off her degree to become a professor. I saw her everyday when I was grabbing a Coffee, and then one night at an end of year event, we saw each other again and kissed. That Kiss turned into sharing the bed sheets and well, a few weeks later she found out she was pregnant. 3 months into our relationship that I proposed to her because of the baby, I found out she was still seeing the same guy she had been with for 3 years. Heather told me Alex I shall name him as her ex and he did her wrong by CHEATING. I broke up with her but told her that I would be more than happy to keep in touch for the baby’s sake. She didn’t tell me when Emmy was born until 6 weeks later. Because we weren’t together we decided on going through the family court for custody arrangements. For the first year I got custody of her every weekend. That slowly turned into once a month, to once in a blue moon as Heather kept telling me that I couldn’t have her on certain weekends because of excuses and excuses. Being a first time parent, oblivious, I was like nah that’s fine. 

She twisted my words and kept Emery from me for 6 months. During that time I missed out on her first birthday, first eater, first Christmas, a lot of firsts. It broke my heart. I didn’t even get photos or videos of said firsts. At 3, Heather somehow changed her mind and I got my weekends back. At first the poor child didn’t even really know me, or wasn’t comfortable, most nights being sleepless from the crying of uncertainty and confusion. 

I really wanted to take Emmy to Truham to see her family, but Heather wouldn’t allow me to take her anywhere otherwise I would be taken to court for kidnapping. 

A year and a half later here we are again, I'm finally seeing my baby again and have been allowed to for the last few weeks, mainly because Heather has been dropping her off at all hours of the morning and night so she can party now our work season is almost over. 

That's where it comes that I'm still in the battle.

I got a ring doorbell camera, those ones that can record people at your door and conversations. That way I can get evidence for her behaviour and will show it for family court in a few weeks when it's decided who gets full time custody. 

The content also shows Emmy and I coming home from fun days out and all the enjoyment in Emmy’s face, the times where also I've been threatened by Heather USING HER DAUGHTER as a consequence. Anyways. Done  You?

Nick:

Woah. ok a) I am in fact eating popcorn, and B) That is so shit. I am so sorry that has happened to you and I wish nothing but luck and happiness. So may I ask, how have you been able to take her to Truham this time?

Charlie:
Well, I like how you are eating popcorn HAHAH. And, that's what I'm scared of. Heather told me that I can take her, I even have proof on my phone in messages with screenshots of me double and triple confirming and her agreeing that if she goes to the cops then I would have the original messages. Enough about me, more about you? Your story? 

Nick:

Yeah, good idea for the messages. And I'm the complete opposite :/

I’ll name Lyla’s “mother” by Taylor. 

so , Taylor and I met at a university open day. We ran into each other and decided to hang out for the day as we both went alone. Later that night we decided to go clubbing. We had a few too many to drink and same, ended up in bed. 

We had kept each other’s phone numbers since we exchanged them when we first met in case one of us got lost or in an emergency (we were fake dating that day at the open day… make an interesting start). 9 months later I got a message from her saying that she just had my child and she knows for sure it's mine as she hadn’t been with anyone ever before me or after me. I straight away told mum, and we went to the hospital, where we found out she discharged herself, but told them we were coming to pick up the baby and me to have custody over (so she did the right thing leaving the baby in safe hands and letting the hospital know the biological father was on his way to take the baby home). And well, I haven't heard from her since. Taylor has blocked me on everything so I can’t get into contact with her at all, and 8 years later I have the most cheekiest, cutest, silly monkey ever.

Charlie:

Ok wow, a lot less trauma. But it still sucks that she hasn’t been involved in Lyla’s life. And what about her name? Lyla’s that is. For Emery, Heather chose it. So did Taylor choose or?

Nick:

Nope. Delilah had remained nameless for the few days in the hospital. They wanted to keep her for a few days since she was born only a few weeks earlier than expected. As I went downstairs to grab a coffee from the early new-born stage, I saw all these different flowers in the gift shop. There was one I really liked in particular and wanted to buy it for Lyla, You know? As a baby girl flower from daddy. 

I asked the shop keeper what kind it was, and she said it was  a Delilah. Afterwards I quickly raced back up to the room, saw David with his niece (David is my brother- If I never mentioned) and I told him that's it. Her name is Delilah.

Charlie:
That is so- I'm lost for words. Wow. Again, better outcome than me. Anyways. Good chat again. I need to go. Emmy just woke up. Probably a bad dream or wet the bed. Hopefully a bad dream. I cannot deal with another night of a wet bed :/ I'm part Spanish by the way, so Adios. 

Nick:

Ha! I'm part French, so Au revoir.

*off messages*

I put my phone down, wow. Did I just trauma dump some  random stranger I met on Tinder? 

“What's wrong Emmy?” She's half asleep, she looks upset 

She slowly walks over to me, and sits on my lap, melting her little body into the shape of mine. I stroke her hair and give her little kisses on the head. 

“I, I,-” too upset to talk. Her voice is raspy, such a vulnerable tone in it. “It's ok honey, sh sh sh” I started to rock her. My arms are completely around her, just like I did when she was a baby. “Did you have a bad dream?” I ask softly. I don't expect any answer. She starts to nod. She sniffles into my chest, which I know my shirt will have tear marks and possibly the odd snot mark here and there. 

After comforting her for a bit, I drove to put her back to bed. 

I lay with her for a bit, before she fell back asleep.

I go to get up to hop back into my own bed, but she slightly moves, her hand going over the top of my arm, her little foot pushing against my leg. 

Guess I won't be. 

I don't take any of these moments for granted. One day she won't want to be like this. She will be too old, wanting to hang out with her friends instead of me.

*the next morning* 

I wake up, my arm is stiff, my girl is sleeping beside me. I slightly lift my head off the pillow, reading the time on the clock [09:30am], great.

We both have overslept and now she's late for day-care.

She only goes twice a week, but since I was getting ready for holidays, I was contemplating sending her today anyways, I guess a day off won't hurt. 

Half an hour goes by, and she finally wakes up. 

She loves to sleep, gets it from me I guess. Or Tori. One of us.

Each day Emmy grows, she looks more and more like her aunt. Each day she keeps asking if her hair can be straightened, each day I say no.

I will let her one day, but her curls are so beautiful, and I don’t want her hair to be exposed to heat damage.

“Morning Bubby, how did you sleep?” I kiss her head

“Good daddy.. What are we doing today?” Her curious mind is already ticking for the day, ready for all the million questions. 

“Maybe we could go to see Grandma and Abeulo early?” Her face lights up. Of course she will say yes to that.

Dad wanted to be called Abeulo, afterall, we do have Spanish heritage. Mum didn’t care too much, so we went with the traditional Grandma. 

“When can we leave?!” I’ll take that as a yes.

I laugh, “well, it's over an hour, so we can leave after having something to eat and drink so our tummies aren’t empty”

She races out of the bed and into her room, to get her clothes. It has been months since she last saw them, so I can understand her excitement. This time she will also be seeing Olivier, as the last time he was away on camp for leadership. 

An hour later we are both ready, and pack the car up. We will be gone for a few weeks, Afterall we have Tao, Issac, and my grandparents to see as well. Before starting the car, I quickly snap a shot of Emmy and I in the car both having the same big smile.  I don’t send it to mum and dad as I want to surprise them, the last time I visited them a few weeks back was when Laura stopped me from taking Emmy. 

I instead send a photo to Nick

“ Guess who is on their way to Truham!! Ft, my mini!” 

Nick instantly replies back 

Nick:

OHHH STOP! SHE IS FUCKING ADOREABLE. SHIT CHARLIE.

Sends a photo of him with Lyla from her award ceremony that morning 

Nick:

Lyla from today! won principles award and sporting award for this year!

Charlie:

Ok. She's a cutie too haha! And no way! That is an excellent, well done big girl!

[off messages]

I smile at my phone, and put it in the glovebox, starting the car 

“Ready Ems?” I peek in the review mirror, her big smile, eyes lit up like Christmas lights.

“Ready daddy!” she does a little wiggle in the booster seat which makes me laugh. Life is never dull with her. And I wouldn’t change anything!

Chapter Text

Nick

The time is coming around too fast. I leave for tour tomorrow. I still don't want to say goodbye to my biggest supporter yet, Lyla. 

Other than last night when she stayed over with Imogen, she has been sleeping in my bed for the past few weeks. Wanting to be close. Imogen and her came back to mine around 9am, both wanting to spend all day with me before I head off.

I peek around the corner, Imogen being Lyla's model as usual, always playing dress up. 

I stand there, just watching them both, admiring how good of an aunt Imogen is. The way she has all the time in the world for her ‘mini me'. I still can picture the moment I told Imogen, my best friend of many years that I had a little girl. 

The tears that broke in her eyes as she held Lyla for the first time. 

The smile she gave me. 

The promise she made me.

After a bit, Imogen glances up at Me, then back down to Lyla, whispering to each other and giggling.

Before I know it, I'm being dragged to the floor, both of them giving me a makeover.

“Ladies, You do realise I have a lot of sporting events tomorrow” I laugh as the pink nail polish is being applied to my fingers. 

“But daddy, it will be funny! And when I see on TV your press conference about retirement I will see it!!” Lyla casually lets out. 

I haven't told Imogen about me leaving the sport yet.

“Hey Lyla sweetie, I think Nanna might be outside with Henry and Daisy! Why don't you go see?” lyla stops painting my nails, gives me the “okay!!” And runs off.

I didn't really want to have Imogen finding out that way. I'm scared of what she will say. But another part of me knows she will handle it well, and support no matter what.

“So you're thinking of retiring?” Imogen questions.

“Yeah. I've been in the sport well before Lyla was born. And  in the A-league since she was born. I've been thinking about this so much. Having some of her school moments missed, or sent to me by messages. I want to be there for her more. Spend the last few years of childhood with her presently, before she becomes a teen.” I let out a sigh. Imogen comes over to lacing her arm around me, pulling me in for a hug. 

“Do whatever he feels best for you Nick, and only you know that. But I will be cheering you on no matter what” Imogen looks my way, smiling towards me. 

“Thanks, I guess I need to start writing my notes, I just don’t want to wing it. I want it to be perfect” I reach over for my laptop, starting my draft. I want to send it to my coach first and management to make sure it's 100% right and won’t put anything on the club, that's the last thing I want.

To: Trumanbears.coach.@ gmail.com ,uk

Sent from: [email protected] 

Subject: Draft for retirement proposal, Press conference 

I have been with Truham Bears for many years, over a decade. Many things in my life has changed during this time, some with my career, some things in my personal life.. I have made so many great memories with this club, I have seen amazing players come and go, I have worked with some of the most talented young men in the league, all whom have their own capabilities, limits, and what they bring to the field on game days. After thinking about this decision for a while, I have chosen that I will not be playing next season or others to come. 

This had a lot of thought into it. I have spoken with my amazing management team, coaches, friends and family, all agreeing that this is the best decision. I will always have a love for this sport, and it will always hold a special place in my heart. But, I am ready for the next chapter of my life, being a full time dad to my little princess, who is watching right now. I love you baby, everything that I have done these past few years have been for you. I have kept you in my mind and heart whilst playing. Everytime I ran onto the field, it was for you.. Every sleepless night on press, for away games, I kept a piece of you with me, your tiny little face captured in a photo smiling in the back of my phone case. 

For mum, Thank you for believing in me for all these years. From the early morning primary school games where you were freezing in the snow, drinking hot coffee, the mist coming off your warm breath. All those warm cuddles I would get. Seeing your face light up when I would score. Being the loudest cheering me on. The ongoing support you give with my little girl, your granddaughter. Taking care of her physically when I couldn’t. Sneakily letting her stay up late to watch me on the TV. Despite the distance, I could feel your presence in the games. I knew you were watching. Without you, I wouldn’t be who I am today, you showed me unconditional love, you would stay up late with me on nights when I felt my world was crashing. You helped get me ready for school, for my games, for my graduation, and hopefully one day, my wedding. 

To dad, You may or may not be watching this at the moment. If you are, I forgive you for everything that has happened in the past. I am not mad at the games you missed, the time you were away. From a father's perspective now, I see it. I know deep down it must’ve been hard for you to be away. But that was your choice, I still can’t understand that part, but I do want you to know that without you, all the french phone calls, the strict parenting way, I wouldn’t be some of the person I am today. 

David, my brother, I am so grateful that we have gotten closer once again. I have missed all those years with you. I hope now we can find out more about each other. As your little brother, I have ALWAYS looked up to you, realise that the way you reacted in the past to stuff or how you treated me was because you were young too whilst going through that. I don’t blame you for feeling that way. We were both young boys with big emotions.  Thank you for pushing me to  my limits, in multiple ways.  Thank you for giving a fun challenge as kids playing backyard rugby. 

Imogen, Aunt Diane, Uncle Rich, my little cousins, Nan and Pop, thank you all for the love and support you have given me. For also being my biggest cheerleaders. The support I have gotten is so loving and overwhelming. You all believe in me in multiple ways I could not. You all deserve so much, after everything you have given up for me. 

And lastly, to my wonderful fans and club. Thank you for being the most supportive people, Your generosity is outstanding. The games that you come to, cheer on from the sidelines, still supporting despite loses, it means the world. This is why I did what I did for so long, you made it feel like a second family, the ones I could go to when I was away from my own. I have loved meeting all you fans over the years, signing your things, getting photos, watching your faces light up with pure joy and excitement. I cannot wait to meet you guys who are coming along to the fan experience. I am so happy this season went how it went. It was a great send off, and I’ll never forget it. 

So thank you to everyone who has been on this journey with me. I love you all endlessly, TRUHAM BEARS FOR LIFE!.

This is where any press questions that come up I will answer. I have decided the next captain should be Bailey. I have watched him over the season give the team his all. The determination, dedication and passion he has for the game is next level. He never has let us down once. He has shown courage and bravery where and when needed. He never talks bad about any of the players, and gives them so many words of affirmation. He is what the team needs. His leadership skills will thrive, and he will be the next best captain. 

Kind regards, Nicholas

—---

And sent.

I felt a wave of emotions whilst writing that. Imogen by my side the whole time. She thinks my team will let the speech go, with no editing as it will just be my own real and raw words, which I agree. 

We all decided to get fish and chips for lunch as a farewell. David came along too, as he will be sleeping after making his way fromKent. Such a big drive for the poor boy. 

Lyla becomes extra clingy to me, she knows that in a few hours I’ll be leaving. That tonight I won't be tucking her into bed for the next 3 weeks. I give her multiple hugs and kisses, letting her sit between my legs on the chair whilst eating lunch. 

I take a moment to just admire her. She is such a loveable young girl, and I am proud of that little lady she is becoming.

“Daddy?” Lyla turns around, her eyes now looking into mine. I can see all the emotion she is holding back. 

“Yes baby? What is it?” I say.. 

She falls into my arms, starting to cry. I scoot the chair back so there is room. Hugging her tightly. I stroke her hair with one hand, whilst the other is rubbing her back. I rock her back and forth, exactly how I did when she was a baby. I start tearing up too, trying to hold them back, So im the strong one. She stays cuddled into me for ages. I don’t want to be the first one to break the hug. I let her stay like this as long as she needs to.

“I really don’t want you to leave me” she manages to let out between sniffles.

“Oh Ly, I know. Me either honey. But it will fly by! Every night I can facetime you and read stories until you fall asleep. I can call you in the mornings to say hi before we start our days. You can send me as many silly photos you want, or photos of anything that you find interesting. Because if it is interesting to you, then it will be to me. 100%.” I kiss her head once more. We both get up from the chair and I pick her up. Her legs wrap around my waist, her arms around my neck. I wish we couldn't stay like this forever.

To break some of the tension, the sadness, I start to tickle her under her arm, down her side, and under her ribcage. These are the places where she is the most ticklish. I can hear deep down she is fighting the giggles, but it doesn’t last. Her saddened voice turns into the most gorgeous laughs. Before I know it, Lyla is letting out some of the biggest belly laughs.

Everyone in the room is instantly set off, her laugh being contagious. 

It takes me back to when she was a baby, with the first ever big laugh she did. 

“There's that big laugh I know!!” I stop tickling her and give her more kisses on her head.

“Hey Lyla, why don't you tell daddy our plans for tomorrow” mum perks up. 

“Do you have plans with Nana?!” I say

“Yeah! Nana is taking me for lunch and then to the beach!!” 

“Woah! That sounds like so much fun!” I turn to mum “do you want some money for her lunch” I go to Grab my wallet

“OH fuck off. Sorry Lyla for the naughty words, but I am not taking money from you Nick. She's my granddaughter. If I can't pay for her, then am I a grandmother?” yeah I've offended her. 

“Ok, ok, sorry” I playfully say like a little kid apologising for doing something wrong. 

 After a while we finish up lunch and I pack my bags into David's car. He was dropping me off at the sports Oval where home games are played on his way home from Mums. 

As my last bag was put in, the time came to say goodbye. 

I hug Imogen first, a big bear hug. The famous Nick Nelson one. “You're going to do so well Nick, I know” she whispers. 

I hug mum next, receiving her big mama bear hug. She rubs my back, and gives me a kiss on the cheek jokingly squeezing my face like she did when I was Lylas's age.

Next comes Lyla. My hardest one yet. 

I kneel to her height and bring her in. “I love so much daddy” “I love so so so much Lyla! To the moon and back” Our little way of saying goodbye.

She gives me a big kiss and cuddles again. After a few seconds she breaks apart the hug and walks to Imogen.

I get in the car, followed shortly by David, as we drive off I wave out the window. 

***

Charlie

Tori and Michael also decided to come with us last minute. Emmy was excited, begging Tori to sit in the back seat rather than the front. 

After driving for an hour, we are almost there. Traffic wasn't too bad today.

“Are you getting excited about Emmy to see everyone?” I pipe up.

“Yess!! Emmy says excitedly 

“Well I've been talking to grandma and Abeulo and they're so excited to see you!!” Tori says. I see out of the review mirror that she leans in and hugs Emmy. 

“I'm nervous to see them haha” Michael jokes. He always gets nervous. He is the only long term partner between Tori and I. If anything, I should be the one nervous.

Mum is always asking me about when I'll be bringing home someone, that Emmy needs a second parent in her life. So I definitely won't be bringing up Nick. 

I haven't brought him up to Tori, not even to my own daughter. 

I'm worried about how I'll tell  Tori. whilst she is my biggest supporter, she can also be very protective. She was ready to go and end Laura when she found out what she did. 

We finally get there and Emmy runs straight to the front door.

Dad opens it as usual 

“ABEULO!!!” she screams in excitement. He picks her up and gives a big hug. 

“Hey cheeky!! I've missed you so much, and you are getting so big!” He exclaims.

I walk over and give him a hug as well. 

“You're mother is at work, she'll be here in a few hours” dad Adds on. 

“No that's all good, and look who hitched their way here” I laugh, with Tori and Michael getting out the car.

“Hey dad!” Tori waves smiling 

“Hey Mr Spring” Michael follows Behind. 

“Sweetie! How are you doing?!” Dad's face lights up.

“Yeah, I'm a good dad. Been so long since I saw you” Tori puts her hand to her face, resting her hand on her mouth for a second. 

“Yeah definitely! And Michael, you can call me Julio, it's been long enough” Dad replies back. 

“Thanks, Julio’ Michael says with a laugh following. 

We all go inside and Emmy plays with some of her toys for a while, whilst us adults talk and catch up. 

It's been a bit since Emmy was here last, so I decided to show her around.

As we make our way up stairs we get to my childhood bedroom.

“And this used to be my room!” I say.

She lets go of my hand and jumps off my bed. 

“Can I sleep in this bed tonight?!” Emmy excitedly says. 

“But then where will Daddy sleep?!” I replied back to her. 

“You can sleep in with me! I'll share the bed” she says smiling afterwards. 

“Why thank you baby” I giggle. 

I hop on the bed next to her, and she snuggles into me.

We lay there for a bit and eventually my phone lit up with a notification. Nick. 

I quickly turn the phone over so she doesn't see it and questions. I will eventually tell her, but it's still early. I don't even know if he likes me like that yet. 

Emmy has enough laying and gets up running off. 

I decided to lay for a bit longer. I grab my phone and have a look at the message. 

*Messages* 

Nick:

Hey! Have you arrived in Truham today? I'm around the Kent / Herne Bay area for the first stop. The fan meeting experience starts at 3pm. Come along maybe? 

Charlie:

Hmm, ok. I'll think about it 😉 

3pm? What time does it finish?  

Nick: 

Like 6? 

Charlie:

 My brother is a fan of the bears. So play it off casually. So yeah, I'll be there. But don't mention anything or flirt lol. Yeah he is 18, but if he finds out I'm talking to his favourite player right now he would lose his mind. 

Nick:

Ohh so I'm going to be having a possible brother in law fan? Fun 😁 

Charlie:

Ha ha ha. Anyways. If plans change I'll let you know. 

*off messages*

I stared at the brother in law message. Too soon Nick. Too soon.

Now it's turned me off going. 

I head down stairs to enjoy some quality family time. 

Soon after Olly and Mum get home from work, their faces light up when they see us all. 

“GRANDMA!!!” Emmy runs over to mum, jumping into her arms. 

“Hey you!!” she replies.

Emmy soon goes to Olly and hugs him, then she tells him about everything that's happened. They both go upstairs to play Mario Kart. This will give the perfect excuse not to go see Nick. 

A few hours later we all have dinner, and I look down at the missed messages from Nick. It's 6:30pm. He seems pissed off at me. I wouldn't blame him. But after all, I did come for my family. We all finish up and Emmy and Olivier go back to another game of Mario Kart.

Mum and Dad are sitting in the lounge room talking to Michael, and Tori and I are both outside having a beer.

“You sound important today. A lot of messages” she explains 

“Yeah, and I don't want to reply back. Ok” there was a bit of aggression in my tone

“Well someone is in a mood all of a sudden” Tori replies back. 

I dont take it to heart. She is always telling the cold hard truth. She has been since we were little. ESPECIALLY when Olivier was born. She changed her ways after that. 

“Besides. It's someone I met online, tinder. They live in Truham and wanted to meet up, but I told them if my plans changed since I was visiting family, I'd let them know. I'll make up a little white lie.” I smirk.

Tori smirks back “so is this person??” 

I roll my eyes “a guy. Now sh. It's between you and me” 

Tori laughs “my lips are sealed”

I get my phone put and message him back “hey, plans changed. Little brother and Ems just had a 5hr long Mario Kart battle. Niece v Uncle at its finest. I didn't want to disturb them. Besides, I haven't really talked to Ollie in ages, so I think hanging at home first would be way better then jumping straight into meetinf my potential boyfriend. And if thats the case, he will see you all the time HAHAH. so sorry again” 

And send. 

I let our a deep breath. I hope he forgives me. For once in my life I have someone I can rely on and trust. And I DO really want to meet him…

Chapter Text

Charlie:

It's 10pm, and I'm bored. I go onto the group chat messaging Tao and Issac seeing if they want to go and club. 

Before I know it I'm getting ready and they've headed out to pick me up. Issac rarely drinks, so he nominated himself as the deso driver. 

We get to the club and my mind is racing. All I can think about is what if Nick is here? The last time I spoke to him was when I ditched him, he left me on read. 

“Charlie, you need to relax and have fun. When was the last time you were child free on a night like this?” Issac says. 

“Never” I reply back.

“Exactly. Let yourself loose, drink. Have fun!” Tao adds on.

They have been my best mates since the start of high school, been there for every step of the journey through parenthood, ugly crying after Court, the time my life got really dark, and so much more. 

A few songs into the night, and out of the corner of my eye I see a familiar face. Ben Hope.

He and I had a messy past. We briefly dated if that's what you want to call it in high school, but then when I saw who he really was and wanted to call it off he would listen. He kissed me too many times without my permission, and if that one other boy didn't go into the music block on time he would've taken my innocence away. 

I take a deep breath in and look away. We are adults now, we can all move past whatever if he does want to speak.

“Uh oh. 3 o'clock you'll see Ben Hopeless” Tao jokes around 

“TAO!” I yell “you can't say that!” I'm trying to talk over the pounding music. But also not too loud he heard me.

I guess that part of the plan didn't work as next minute he, and his mate Harry Greene are walking towards my way. 

Crap, crap, crap, I think to myself.

My heart starts pounding. My nerves are sky high right now. I take a swallow of what feels like a knife before being polite.

“Harry, Ben. Good to see you after all these years” I lie

“Yeah you too. How is it going?” Ben says with an uninterested tone

“Yeah. Alright.” I try not to give out too much on my life. They don't deserve to know

“Yeah, alright” Harry sarcastically mimics me. This kisses me off, but I don't show it.

Issac left to read over in a corner ages ago, leaving Tao and I on the dance floor. 

“Leave him alone or else” Tao fights back

“Awh, best buddies. Yuck” Ben starts to fake gag, and pushes me slightly. 

“OI GET YOU'RE HANDS OFF HIM” I hear this strange voice yell from a distance. Ben and Harry both laugh and mouth under their breath pathetic and leave. 

I look around to see who could've said it. 

The mystery man is walking over. 

I can't exactly see their faces in all the flashing lights around. They're just still a silhouette. 

As they approach closer my eyes adjust, making the figure out, the face becoming more clear.

***

Nick: 

I decided tonight I’d let loose and go out. Have a few drinks by myself. Not getting too wasted that I end up in the papers for the wrong reasons rather than the bittersweet send off I'll be doing soon. 

I wasn't going to stay at the club long, only about an hour Max. Just enough to enjoy the atmosphere for a while. 

I'm still a bit annoyed with all the mind games Charlie is playing.

He either wants to be in a relationship with me or he doesn't . It's simple.

I know he told me that if his plans changed he would let me know but 3 hours after waiting around for him? I'm the guy of chances. So I'll give him one more chance, if he breaks it then I'll call it off before it even starts.

Yes he has his own daughter, but how do I know he won't ditch Lyla and  I? That he will make promises and break them to my little girl.

She's had one absent parent all her life, and she can't have someone that will let her down constantly either. 

When I'm on my second drink for the night I can hear some tension happening behind me. It sounds like things are heating up. Typical drunk blokes. 

I turn around to see where the noise is coming from. Next minute I see someone being pushed around with their friend shouting for the boys to stop.

I quickly get up and run over. 

“OI GET YOUR HANDS OFF HIM” I shout. As I get closer I see the boys who were the main offenders. Harry Greene and Ben Hope. They were in my year at school. They were the biggest bullies and I'm surprised they never got suspended. 

They eventually run off like school girls, laughing and mouthing gosh knows what.

I get closer to the victims. One of them, the one being teased, is looking a bit too familiar. I realise it's Charlie…

***

Charlie:

The person is finally in front of me. Nick. I can't believe this is happening. Is this fate? My heart is racing more than what it was before. I smile at him and thank him, before walking off. As we get to the lounge where Issac is. I grab my phone out quickly to message. Not wanting Tao or Issac to know that man that just saved me, is my tinder partner. 

Messages 

Charlie:

Oh my gosh! Hi. I'm so sorry about that and today. I just haven't been thinking straight lately. Guess like me, nothing straight haha! But thanks 

Nick:

No, it's totally fine. Gosh. Are Ben and Harry still dicks after all these years? Losers. 

Charlie:

I guess lol! I'm here with my two friends, otherwise I'd totally hang out:/ as Emmy says, What a co-wink-e-dink.  

Nick:

Well, as Lyla would say. We are both delulu with no solulu. 

Nick:

Wait? When are you leaving? 

Charlie:

Soonish. Why? 

Nick:

Come back to my hotel room? I promise I won't inflict anything or suggest we do stuff. Just two Pals talking haha

Charlie:

Hmm, ok! I'm getting a ride home with Issac and Tao, you might remember them from highschool? So send me the address.

I can find a way there.

Nick: 

It's only 5 minutes from here. That means you'd be driving all the way back to Truham and then Kent again.. 

Charlie:

Leave it with me. Stay here at the club ;) 

*off messages* 

“Hey, if you two want to head home you can. I'll uber my way back. I'll be fine, I promise. I'll message you in the morning for an IM ALIVE text” I say to both of them. 

“Are you sure Charlie?!” Issac says. He has always been the protective friend. The one Who doesn't want to see anyone get hurt.

“He isn't a child. But Charlie. Be careful. Don't do drugs, don't hook up with anyone because we don't want an Emmy 2.0 night" Tao laughs. 

I laugh back “I promise I wont. But what if the hook up was a dude?” I wink 

Tao and Issac shake their heads and laugh it off.

After they leave I make my way over to Nick.

“So, you managed to get them to leave without you hey?” Nick playfully says.

“Yeah, don’t know how I managed that one, but I did. I laugh. 

We had another drink together before making our way over to his hotel. As Nick opens the door, I see that there is only one bed. 

“Sorry about the one bed, I thought I would be the only one here” he says

“No, it’s completely fine. I might not even stay here all night anyways” I reply back.

“What, go home in a few hours? When the sun is rising. It's best you stay here” Nick says.

“Fine, but i’m sleeping on the lounge” I laugh

“Erm no, I will. You have the bed. No way am I letting a guest sleep on the lounge”

Ohhhh, so he is being considerate. I mean I wouldn’t have cared.

I let out a sigh “fine. Happy?” I let out a chuckle as I sat on the bed.

I don’t know how long it was, but we were talking for hours about everything and anything. Nick seems like someone that puts family first. He is a protector and won’t let anyone get in the way. He also talks so highly of his mother, and his daughter. 

Nick further mentioned about his best friend, Imogen, and that nothing has or will happen between them since she is dating a female, Sahar. 

The name rang a bell, I’m not 100% quite sure why. She was in the same year group as Tori, so probably graduation. 

***

Nick:

Charlie and I both had a really good conversation for a few hours. I felt like I was doing most of the talking, but he just would listen without putting his own input into it, or add on about his life. 

He mentions the fact he and his brother lost contact for a while, which I find upsetting. That was like David and I, we both hardly talked for a bit, and when we did it was arguing. Lyla was the one to bring us back together again. 

Charlie mentions that next year is his last year at the university that he teaches at, before he makes the move to Glasgow where he will further teach ancient history and politics. 

The university he teaches at now is very prestigious, so he is moving from one fancy uni to the next. 

I asked him how he got into ancient history and politics, and just said it has always been his thing. He has had a love for it, especially the focus on the LGBTQ community and the differences between then and now. To be fair, I did my own research on Charlie, and found out he has a few books published surrounding this issue and other fancy historian things that I do not understand. 

After a while both fall asleep. There had been multiple times where we were very close to kissing, but stopped ourselves. At one point when we were sitting, I found his foot was touching my leg, I didn’t want to move my leg and cause attention, but I also kept thinking what if he realises he is doing it and waiting for my reaction? What if he was wondering why I wasn’t moving my leg. 

These thoughts kept replaying in my head all night, making it difficult to shut off. 

The sun rises and I wake early. I see the golden light peeking through the blinds, illuminating Charlie. His dimples, the curly hair. His soft lips. 

‘No, Nick, stop thinking about that’ I say to myself in my head. 

Charlie rolls over and stretches, waking up not too long after me.

“Morning sleepy head” I laugh, teasing him jokingly. 

“What’s the time?” He questions.

“Around 9am. Your phone has been going off all morning” I hand him his phone from the ground, after it fell a while ago

****

Charlie

“SHIT, SHIT SHIT” I say aloud. I have 36 missed calls and messages from Tori. She is probably wondering where I am

“Everything good there Charlie?” Nick asks. 

“Oh, it's just Tori, probably wondering where I am. I kinda forgot to tell her that I wasn’t coming home last night-” and my phone rings.

On Phone 

Tori:

Charlie! Where are you?!

Charlie:

Don’t worry, I'm safe. I'm with Nick

Tori:

Who? 

Charlie:

That guy I told you about yesterday, the hush hush guy.

I see Nick pulling the most confused face ever. I have explaining to do

Tori:

Oh right, ok, cool, cool, cool. Just so you know, dad has taken Emmy out for the day. Olivier and I are playing Mario Kart, and Michael has gone to visit his family. I ditched on him an hour after saying hi to them. 

Charlie

Good to know (I laugh)

Tori:

So, when will you be home? We haven’t had a house for us spring siblings in ages!

Charlie: 

I’m in Herne Bay, leaving soonish. 

Tori:

Train home?

Charlie:

Yep

Tori:
Text me when you arrive. I’ll get you

Charlie:

Thanks Tori, cya, luv ya, bye

Tori:

Back at you. 

Off phone

“So, mysterious hush hush guy?” Nick mimics me from earlier. Gosh he can be a real tease. 

“Listen, I have only told one person about you, and that's my sister. So it was an unserious nickname we gave you until I let the rest of my family know” I let out. 

“Well, I have only told Imogen about you. And she is completely fine” He says back.

After a while I head off, making my way to the train station.

As I got on the train I messaged Tori letting her know how far off I’ll be. 

Before I know it, I'm back at home, in the living room having a Mario Kart war with my older sister and our younger brother. Just like the good old days. 

We all decided to get Pizza from the local shop for lunch and have it delivered. We play more rounds of Mario Kart, chat, laugh, and tell stories and childhood memories. 

It is like there was no tension between Olivier and I. 

“So Olly, are you ok?” I ask

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” He replies back

“Because. With everything that happened between mum and dad” I add on

“It was to be expected.” He says. 

“At least she came for your birthday” I say 

“Yeah. wish she stayed longer” Olly groaned. 

He gets up and leaves, slamming the controller down. 

Tori and I both look at each other and give an upset look. Olly is the baby of the family, and the fact he had to witness the divorce well before he was 18 was hard on him. I was only 20 when it happened, Tori was 21, and Olly was 12. 

Mum did show up for us kids with our birthdays, the big celebrations, So I’ll give her that. She went and lived with her sister for a while, before moving into her own place. I, nor Tori have ever been over there but Olly has. On a recent phone call with him for his 18th since I couldn’t get down to Truham for his actual day, he had mentioned the fact that now he is a legal adult, that he won’t be going to mum’s anymore and that once he finishes high school he wants to move to be closer to Tori and I. Given that, I assume things weren't too good at mum’s house. 

I let things cool down for a bit before heading up to his room to chat. Older brother to younger brother.

I knock on the door

“Yeah” his voice, timid, like he has been sobbing, 

I open the door, creaking as it opens further. 

“Just me, can we chat?” I ask.

He moves over the bed a bit, giving me the sign that he does want to chat. 

“Bud. What's up?”

“I told mum everything. How I want to move to be closer to you and Tori, that legally now I don’t have to see her if I don’t want to.” he lets out a sigh

“And? How did she handle it” I ask 

“What do you think? She told me that none of her kids love her anymore and that me being the baby of the family I should have more respect”

The room goes silent for a bit.

“Crap, Olly, that's so fucked up. I’m so sorry that you’ve had to deal with that” I say

We decided to talk for a bit and really catch up. After a while I head downstairs and ask Tori a Question. 

“Tori” I let out

“Mhh?” she says

“How about we invite Olly to Paris? He needs the break” I suggest 

“Yeah, good idea. Then he can move in with us if he wants?” She adds 

“We can let him know later. Surprise him. I'll book a last minute ticket soon. Then we can give it to him” I say. 

I get on my phone and book a last minute ticket for Olivier. 

Tori sorted out getting an envelope and we put it in there. After getting it sorted we both head up to his room. Tori knocks on his door, and shortly after he opens it. 

We all sit on the bed, and I hand him the envelope. 

As he opens it, Tori and I both look at each other, eager to see his reaction. 

“No way- you didn’t” he says in excitement when he sees what it is. 

“Yeah. We did. Pack your bags. You’re coming to Paris with us” I say back. 

He instantly gives the both of us a hug.

“We just wanted you to have some happiness. Charlie filled me in on some of the things that have been happening, and I'm not silly either, older sister magic. Picking up on things. But afterwards if you want to move straight in with us, you can too” Tori explains. Olivier starts nodding, and hugs us once again. 

“Thanks so much,” he says, trying to hold it together.

Tori and I help Olivier out with his packing, we leave in 2 days. Emmy doesn't know yet, so it will also be a surprise for her. 

I decided even though we only  saw each other this morning, that I'll give Nick a message to let him know everything. 

Messages 

Charlie:

Olivier is coming to Paris! We brought him a last minute ticket. After that he will be moving in with Tori, Michael, Emmy and I. 

Nick:

Oh that's great news!! When will you lot be in Paris again? 

Charlie:

Tomorrow

Charlie:

Don't say it.. 

Nick:

Are you following me? Cause that's where we are going 

Charlie:

I'll bring Olly around to the fan meeting experience, and Emmy! Just a brother and niece / daughter day! They can meet you in the most subtle way possible, haha. 

Nick: 

I love it. 

Charlie:

We're still friends for now? Right? 

Nick:

Yeah, how about we tell our closest friends and family first about each other. See how it goes. 

Charlie:

Ok, pal. 

Nick:

Mate 

Off messages 

I laugh at that last message. I think Nick and I are the same in many ways, we both don't want to make things official just yet, we want to see how we will go together just hanging out a lot first. The main thing for us are our daughters, and we both don't want to hurt them. So we see where each other are coming from. 

A few hours later Dad and Emmy arrive home. Emmy passed out from fun. 

“Looks like she had a lot of fun” I laugh 

“Yeah, she did. Went to the park, dinner, and the movies. Ice cream. Brought a lot of lollies too” he adds on

“Ah great. So she's on a sugar coma” I laugh

“Pretty much” he laughs back. 

I took Emmy off dad and put her to bed.

I lay next to her for a while like I usually do, lightly playing with her head. 

I kiss her head and get off the bed, and make my way to the lounge room. 

Tori and Olivier are with dad, waiting for me so we can watch a film. 

“So, what's tonight's choice? I ask

“Final destination bloodline” Olly perks up. 

“Oohh ok!!” I replied back. 

We put on the movie, and as a joke like we used to do, Tori, Olly and I all decided to snuggle into dad. 

****

Nick:

So, I guess I will be meeting Olly and Emmy as well. This is a good step forward. 

I lay on the bed after a long day and looked at the time. It's still an OK time to be able to facetime Lyla before going to be. I call mum, and Lyla is instantly on the other screen. 

Call

Nick:

Baby! How are you honey? 

Lyla:

Good, I miss you

Nick:

Aweh, I miss you too. So so so much!

Lyla giggles 

Lyla:

Where are you tomorrow?

Nick:
On a flight to Paris! We have done Kent and London so far, so we only have Paris, back to London to go! Then home baby. 

Lyla:

Yay! Then is it our holiday?

Nick:

You bet! Are you ready for bed? 

Lyla: 

Yeah. I'm laying in bed!

Nick:

Silly me! I didn’t even see that. 

Well, I hope you have a fantastic night's sleep. Dream big my little love bug. (I kiss the phone and she kisses it back) 

After a while Lyla falls asleep, and mum gets the phone, waves goodbye to me and we hang up. 

Off phone

I lay in bed staring at the ceiling for a while., I must’ve dozed off at some point since when I opened my eyes, the sun was peeking through the curtains. I quickly jump out of bed, get changed, send Lyla a good morning text and leave for the airport. 

Whilst at the airport I can’t help but think about the fact I get to see Charlie again. And how I get to meet his brother and his daughter soon. I'm nervous but at the same time excited. 

As I bored the plane, I put my headphones on, ready to listen to a podcast I'm halfway through. ‘The better days’. A podcast about a serial killer and how they were able to get away with what they did for so long. I love how the title totally contradicts the actual story. It is quite intriguing. I really do guess we are damned if we do and damned if we don’t. Especially when it comes to big secrets like that. 

Maybe that could be my next big thing. Not being a serial killer. But investigating why people do what they do. Except I don’t want a uni degree. I will happily spend hours in my child free time at night researching different cold cases, hopefully solving them, and waiting gosh knows long about the final decision. See if I am correct, or totally wrong. 

Chapter Text

Charlie:

It's early morning. Well too early for the spring household, most people this time is a good time to get up. It's 9am.  Emmy sits at the counter eating her breakfast watching Bluey. She is still here in Pjs, unbothered by everything. 

Us adults, Tori, Michael and I on the other hand are stressing to pack, get ready and organised to leave by 11. We decided on leaving from Dad’s house to the airport back in London. It made sense, especially since Olly, who is still sleeping, is now joining along. 

I walk up the stairs, making my way to his room. Bashing on the door. “”Oi sleepyhead. Time to get up. We leave soon” I yell.

Nothing. I run back down the stairs, pick Emmy up which she squeals and giggles not expecting it and bring her back up to Olivier’s room.

From there I quietly open the door and allow her to jump all over her grumpy morning uncle. 

Payback time. He used to do it all the time to Tori and I growing up, we hated it. So now he can have a taste of his own medicine. 

“WAKE UP UNCLE OLLY WAKE UP!” I hear Emmy scream. After that I hear groans coming from Olly, as he tells her to shut up. I can’t help but laugh. 

“UNCLE!!! ITS PARIS DAY” She adds on

“AND I NEED TO SLEEP” he replies. 

Emmy giggles, and I smile. I'm so glad Emmy is finally getting this uncle relationship. 

After 10 minutes of them squabbling, they both come out of the room, Emmy dragging him by the hand, Olly looking half dead. 

“Well good morning Olivier’ I chuckle

He fakes a chuckle back “yeah yeah whatever” ohh that teenage attitude. We all head down stairs and Emmy finishes off her breakfast. Just as she finishes her episode of Bluey also finishes. I take the ipad off her. 

“Heyyyy” she mumbles. 

“You can get it back at the airport.” I suggest

“Fine” she replies back with cheek.

“Hey, no cheeky voices” I say.

She runs off to the bathroom to meet Tori to have her hair done and teeth brushed. If it wasn’t for Tori, I don’t know how Emmy would look everyday. I for the life of me cannot do hair. Nick on the other hand, was telling me that he has mastered a lot of cute hairstyles, afterall he has had 4 years extra practice then me. 

After a while, we finally made our way to the airport. The rain has held off today, so there aren’t any chances of delays happening. Olly and Tori are in the back seat with Emmy, with Michael in the front passenger seat. And I'm driving. 

Just like how it was when we were driving to Truham, I look in the review mirror and see Emmy with her hand holding Tori’s. Her other hand this time is holding Olly’s hand., It has become a thing for Emmy, she for some reason cannot be in a car without needing to hold someone's hand.

“Can we play I-spy pleassseee” she pipes up

“Sure!!” Tori replies back. 

“Aunt tori can go first then” Michael laughs. He isn’t really a fan of little kid games

“Ok! Uh. I spy with my little eye, something begins with…. T”

“Toilet paper” Emmy starts giggling

“Can we see toilet paper Emmy?” Olly asks, followed by Emmy shaking her head. 

“Train?” I say as we pass one of the tracks with a train going by 

“Nope” Tori says again

“Trees” Michael says,

I can see Tori’s glare at the back of her head. Everyone knows we all let Emmy guess correctly first. 

“You got it uncle. You got it.” Tori laughs

A few rounds later  of the game, Emmy falls asleep. Still, hand in hand with her aunty and uncle. It takes me instantly back to the day they met her for the first time. Olly was only 13, he was only happy because he got the day of school. Not impressed by the fact he was no longer the baby of our family. 

Tori on the other hand, there were very few times that she would show emotion publicly, and that changed that day. It is almost like her natural maternal instincts kicked in seeing the small baby for the first time. She was a sobbing mess, and had to hand Emmy back to me because she was scared of dropping her. Now, she has gone from being scared of dropping Emmy, to throwing her around, tackling her, and fighting with her. It’s almost like Tori is the only one allowed to do that, as if anyone else tried to tackle Emmy jokingly, her protective aunt instincts kick in, and she gives it to them. 

An hour left into our drive, we all decided we needed a pit stop.. There was a small cafe close by that we all haven’t tried yet but want to. The front entry is surrounded by seasonal flowers. The smell of caffeine all makes our mouths water when we step inside. Emmy chose one of the cozy seats to sit at the rear of the cafe. The paddock in the distance is filled with baby animals. I take a look around at the rustic interior of the place. I can’t help but think of this being a nice first proper date spot for Nick and I. But at the same time I wonder if he has had a boyfriend, or if he wants to keep that part about it a secret. So maybe not being seen in a small cozy romantic cafe.

I look down at my phone and read the time 12:00pm. Nick would definitely be on the flight heading for Paris. 

We could’ve also done the midday flight, but knew with a 5 year old, and the long drive to London we definitely wouldn’t make it, so we have the 6pm flight instead. 

Emmy and I both decided to order a croissant and a hot chocolate to share as we aren’t that fussed on sweets. The buttery croissant is already giving me visions of Paris, the nature of the cafes there, witnessing Emmy’s first time in a new country. 

Tori just ordered her usual long black, Michael went fancy with a cappuccino, and Olly got nothing. He wasn’t fussed either. 

I split the croissant in half, and gave Emmy the bigger half as usual. 

When I first did this, giving myself the tiniest pieces, Tori got worried thinking I was going down into old habits again but I reassured her it was a parental thing, making sure our babies always are well fed. 

Soon, I became her ‘baby’ and she made sure I was eating well myself and not just caring for Emmy, that I also need to care for myself. Not abandoning my own feelings. 

We get back in the car to finish the last part of the journey to the airport.

“Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?” Emmy keeps asking every 5 minutes. We all keep telling her not yet. That slowly turned to Olly shouting and moaning no whenever Emmy would ask, I can definitely tell he isn’t used to being around kids, and that he totally forgets he was the same. 

“You do realise Olly, you were exactly the same growing up” Tori says.

“Nah, was not” he replies

Michael laughs. 

“Totally were Olly. Emmy is the spitting image of you at that age. The same mannerisms, the looks, everything” I say. 

“Oh, serious?” Olly asks 

“Yep, definitely’ Tori adds.

The whole time, Emmy is giggling as this is happening.

“And what's so funny ?” Olly asks her

“Nothing uncle” she giggles.

I swear those two were siblings in another life. 

As we approach the airport, Emmy starts to drift off back asleep again. Tori is trying to keep her awake, as for Emmy, if she sleeps after midday then she won’t be sleeping in the night. We don’t care if she falls asleep on the way to the hotel after we get to Paris, since it will be quite late. It’s just now she can’t. 

We get to our gate, and make it through security. We decided to have a small look around the airport first, before sitting down to relax. Well that's Tori, Michael and I. 

Olly had the brainwave idea of chasing Emmy around the airport terminal to keep her going and awake. There have been multiple times I’ve needed to tell the both of them to quieten down a bit. Olly mo so then Emmy. He eventually picks her up and they go for a walk.

“Finally, peace and quite” Michael says

I have to agree with him on that one “its lovely, isn’t it” 

“Spoke too soon,” Tori says. 

Olivier and Emmy eventually come back and they have a big bag. So I'm instantly suspicious. 

“What's in the bag you two?” I raise an eyebrow

“Nothing” Emmy says with an ‘I didn't do anything’ tone

I put out my hand, and give the dad gesture “Hand me the bag”

Olivier hands it over. 

I see a whole bunch of Legos, stuffed animals, dress up clothes and barbies.

“What's all this?” I question.

Tori takes the bag off me, and she and Michael also are astonished at what's in there.

Olly looks at me, ready to give what seems a speech about. I raise my eyebrow again, arms crossed. 

He explains. “Ok ok ok, so I decided to do the tik tok trend with her that I have seen everywhere. You let a child run loose in a store and whatever they touch you have to buy”

I shake my head in disbelief “Olivier! OH MY” 

I turn to Emmy. “Did you at least say thank you”

“Course I did” she puts her arms up for Olly to pick her up. He does and she gives him a kiss on the cheek.

********

Nick:

I landed in Paris a while ago, made my way to my hotel and rang Lyla up straight away. We had a good hour long conversation, before I had to go. I made my way down to the main foyer, meeting some of my other team members. They still have no idea about the retirement plan. Otis, Christian and Sai have been my buddies since high school, all joining me on the rugby journey. Bailey is also here, where the coach and I will be letting him know the decision to make him team captain. There were only a few of us selected to do this tour, the rest of the boys will do other tours in future. Me on the other hand, I have been on the tours each time, being the captain and all. So this whole journey has been very bittersweet for me. 

We all go out for dinner at a nice restaurant and talk about tomorrow’s meet up. A few fans have come up and said hi and asked for photos, the usual. And then we talk about other stuff that's not rugby.

“So, how is Lyla going?” Christian asks

“Yeah, she's going alright. Missing me of course, I miss her.” I reply

“That's understandable dude. She's your little girl” Sai adds on

Bailey teases me about being a dad still, 8 years later. “Oi, I just still cannot believe the fact you are a dad? I mean, crazy” 

I shake my head a smirk and give a small chuckle. “I know, I still can’t believe it either”. 

Otis comes back and brings us each a beer. We cheer silently given we are in a fancy restaurant. We continue to talk for ages, sharing stories about our pasts.  

My phone lights up. It’s Charlie. I decided not to answer the message now, but I will later. I  still haven’t told the lads about him.

“Everything ok mate?” Otis says 

“Yeah, it's all good. Probably just Lyla messaging as usual” I laugh.

I get up and excuse myself to go to the ‘bathroom’. I head outside to where they are and hide around the corner. There is a subtle smell of garlic bread and smoke surrounding  The fire coming from the heater behind me is warm. I open my phone and message Charlie back.

Hey, sorry just at dinner! Will message soon, hope the flight went well! Can't wait to meet Emmy!

After another few moments, I head back inside and sit at the table. Just as I get back, our food arrives. Perfect timing. I can’t help but think about how in future I could take Lyla, Charlie and Emmy back to this place. I also keep thinking about the possibility when we introduce the girls to each other about them being besties. But if they don’t want to be, that's fine too. 

We all finish dinner and we head back to the motel., I once again have my own room.  Sai and Otis and Sharing, whilst Christian and Bailey share too. It's not odd that the coach will have their own room, and same with the Team Captain. 

I scroll mindlessly on Tik Tok for hours, before shutting off my phone. I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling. Sirens are faintly in the distance.. Thoughts keep wandering my mind about how long Charlie and I will remain friends for, if we do make it official when will we tell our daughters, our family? I also keep wondering about the media news. I still hardly know Charlie, so I can’t help but think if it will be stressful for him or not. Then again, he has published his own books, so his face is on the cover of those. 

The next morning at 5am my phone alarm goes off. Gym time. 

I get ready, have my pre-workout and make my way to the hotel's gym.

I put my headphones on and play my favourite playlist. The one Lyla made for me. It's got all her favourite songs on it. I stop what I'm doing after a few bench presses, and pause the music. I start to get a bit emotional, wiping not only my sweat off my face, but tears too. 

All of a sudden I feel the sense that someone has walked up behind me. I turn around. Charlie. He somehow has seen my vulnerability. 

“Hey, Nick. Are you okay?” He asks

I wipe my face and play it off cool. “Yeah, yeah, just tired” I laugh

He gives me the stare I know all too well. The dad stares at someone who is lying “are you sure about that?”

I get up and take his hand, leading him to my room. I feel bad for post-poning his workout. 

We got into my room. He sits down on my bed, and I have a quick shower. Once I get out, he stares at me. I can’t help but wonder why, until I notice my hair is all wet, and I'm shirtless. 

“Uh, sorry. Chuck me a shirt? Please?” I ask. 

He throws one of my shirts my way and I put it on. Then I sit down on the bed. 

“So, the gym?” he questions again.

“Right. I'm sorry. I just couldn’t help but get emotional over the music I was listening to. My daughter created it for me. And it reminded me of her” I lightly smiled at Charlie. 

His hand reaches for mine, and before I know it, he is holding my hand, comforting me. I get butterflies in my stomach, and feel myself blushing. 

He lets go of my hand, and we talk some more. 

“I'm so sorry, but I need to go. Day 1 of Paris for us” he laughs 

We say goodbye and before I know it he is gone. All that's left of him in the room is the little dent in the bed from where he was sitting, his shape marking the doona. 

I head off to the location where we will be meeting the fans and we start to set up. We line a table with chairs each of us will be sitting at, where the fans will take it in turns getting autographs. 

On the right we have the posters that will be signed and a goody bag full of little gimmicks and merch items. It was a $15 entry fee, so it makes up for the bag, and the money will be going to charity. 

I'm also getting nervous as I know this will be when I'm meeting Emmy and Olivier. This morning Charlie told me that he still hasn’t told Olivier where they are going, just that they are doing a fun activity later on. 

Since the event didn't start for a few hours, we stayed local and wandered around the city. I bought Lyla a keychain with her name on it, and a little teddy as well.

After a few hours, we get back to the hall where the meeting is happening and sit and talk for a bit more as usual. 

“So , are you going to talk to your dad and see about meeting up? " Bailey asks me. 

To be fair, I have never given it a thought.

“I don’t know. Maybe” I reply. 

“Give it a shot Nick, how often do you come over here?” Christian adds. 

Otis gives me the look of you can do it, and same for Sai., 

I give dad a call, to my surprise he answers straight away 

On phone 

Nick: 

Bonjour, Papa, comment vont les choses

(hey dad, how are things going) 

Stephan:
que veux-tu?

(what do you want?)

Nick:

Eh bien, je suis à Paris et j'aimerais savoir si tu veux qu'on se voie. Je ne suis là que pour un jour de plus après aujourd'hui, donc ce sera demain. Ou si tu veux, tu peux venir ce soir me voir à mon match de rugby ?
(well, I am in Paris, and want to know if you want to meet up. I'm only here for another day after today, so it will have to be tomorrow. or if you want you can come tonight to meet me at my rugby thing?)

Stephan:

peut-être que je suis assez occupé

(Maybe, I am quite busy) 

Nick:
Oh quoi ? Avec ta nouvelle femme et tes enfants ? Tu as du temps pour eux, pas David et moi.

(oh what? with your new wife and kids? you have time for them, not David and I)

Stephan:
Eh bien, si l'un des fils n'est pas un voyou qui triche, personne ne voudra de lui. Et l'autre n'est pas gay

(well, one of the sons isn't a low life who is a cheater, no one will want him. and the other isn’t gay)

I hung up the phone. 

I cannot believe after all these years he is still homophobic and a prick. This is also the reason I will NEVER let him see Lyla. I don’t know what kind of things he would tell her about the LQBTQ community. If he will call me ‘disgusting’ to her face. Lyla has the most loveliest personality, so I don’t want her to be exposed to his homophobia. He has hated me ever since I came out as a teen, because apparently rugby boys can’t be gay. I replied back with my classic “Im Bi actually” and he told me I can’t be into both females and males, that I need to pick a side and one side only. A few months after coming out that I was Bi, I told him I had a daughter, and he replied back telling me that the kid has no hope. 

I walk away in tears, the other lads just look at me, then look back at each other. They know something is wrong.

A while later, coach comes out. 

“Nick, I don’t talk french, but that conversation seemed bad, you have walked away like this poor thing” he says 

“Yeah. my other brother gort called a low life cheater and I got missexualised once again. He can't see past David’s past, and he can't accept me for who I am” I angrily say. I take a breath then add “sorry coach, I know I sounded rude” 

Coach sighs “No, Nick. It's ok. Your feelings are valid, you deserve to feel whatever you want about the situation. He was meant to be your father. Support no matter what. I'm so sorry this has happened” 

I smile. I get teary again because that is the first time in ages I have heard something sweet from an older male. It feels a bit weird to be fair. I'm not used to it.

“Can I just go call my daughter quickly? I need to talk to her. Hear her voice” 

Coach smiles “yeah of course , go for it” 

I walk off and call mum, who I know will pass the phone to Lyla instantly. 

On phone

Nick:

Lyla?

Sarah:

No mum, Hi to you too (laughs), but I can get- (hears sobs) oh baby. Whats wrong?

Nick:

Dad. 

Sarah

What did he do this time?

Nick:

What didn’t he do? You know he has a new wife and 2 kids? Yet he doesn’t have time for David and I, whom he referred to as his low life sons,  but all the time in the world for children who aren’t even his own biologically. What the fuck is wrong with him?  

Sarah:

Baby… and how old are the kids? 

Nick:

David and I’s age.. He likes them better because one didn’t cheat on their partner and the other isn’t Bi

Sarah:

AHe seriously said that to you? Doesn't he know that what happened between David and Chantell was years and years ago? That they are dating again. And love is unconditional?

Nick:

Try telling him that. Anyways. I am going to laugh so hard if one of those kids ends up gay.

Sarah:

haha . true 

Nick:

I got to go, the event is starting soon. I did invite him, but you know, he was ‘too busy’ (sarcastically)

Sarah:

I love you bub

Nick:

I love you too. 

Off phone

I walk back into the hall, and sit in my chair. In a few short minutes, the fans will be greeted by us. My personal drama can wait until afterwards. I know Charlie said that he was going to be coming in first, that way they can explore the city some more afterwards, and meet me at the ice creamery afterwards. Perfect. 

A few fans come through first, all excited to meet their rugby heroes. And then that's when I see them. Charlie, Olly, and Emmy. My heart starts racing, my stomach gets butterflies. \

“Hello!” I say “and who are you lot?”

“Uh-uh..im” Olly says. I try not to say their names, although now looking, I do recall Olly having a fan page for me. 

“Olly? Right?”

Charlie gives me an eyebrow raise, so I quickly add on “I’ve seen all your fan page things! The most dedicated fan. Thank you so much buddy. And happy 18th for the other week!” 

Olly is in pure shock right now.

“You have a fan page?” Charlie scoffs, typical brother/

“Yea.. no one was meant to know, besides the other fans and nick. Thanks for the follow by the way”

“No problemo! And what is your brother's name?” I reply

“Erm, Charlie” he answers 

“Well charlie, did you know the brother of yours has over 12.5k followers” I turn to charlie, smiling. 

“SHIT OLIVIER WHAT THE HECK” He laughs

I turn to Emmy “Hey little cutie! Who are you?”
She tucks herself into Charlie, going all shy. I see a side to Charlie I haven’t seen before. He gets down to her height, and is so gentle “can you tell him you’re Emmy!” 

I gasp “oh that is a pretty name!” 

I sign their stuff, and they move down the line. 

Charlie:

So, that went unexpectedly. How come I never knew about Olivier’s fan page. Nick probably didn’t think that my Olivier was the fan page one. I have a look at the page. He is embarrassed sitting next to me. He goes by Nick_NZZFAN and “Ollie” 

This is going to be an interesting one to break to him. 

We hang around the area and we will be seeing Nick again soon for a little while. There was a park nearby so Emmy plays for ages, whilst I embarrass Olly, and we talk for ages. I message Nick once he is done to meet us at the park. 

After a few moments go by,  I see out of the corner of my eye Nick walking towards our way.

“Wait a minute, Olly” I nod my head towards Nick’s way.

“No way!”

Nick approaches us

“Good to see you again!” he says 

“Hi, Hi” Olly nervously replies. 

I can’t help but laugh. 

“So, Olly, did you know I heard from your brother  before the meet and greet? He messaged me on instagram asking if we could hang out since you are a massive fan!” Nick says lightly. 

“Wait really?” Olly says, turning to me. 

“Yeah, surprise. Happy 18th!”Olly and I hug. 

We all go for a walk and get ice cream, I go to pay for my lot, but Nick hands his card and pays for them all. I didn’t expect that, and I can see the clocks in Olivier’s brain going frantic about this. I just don’t know when a good time would be to tell him. 

We all sit down at the table to the far corner, this way Nick doesn’t get recognised straight away by everyone. 

I cough slightly, and bump my foot to Nick’s. The cue to say that we are friends. 

“So Olivier” Nick says

“I have something to tell you and Emmy” he adds on

They both look interested. Emmy still hasn’t talked much, being shy and all. 

“So, Nick and I actually met a few months ago! We both started messaging online, and then when we were in Truham, how I went out to Kent one night, It was so we could hang out” I say

“Wait. are you two besties” Emmy pipes up

“We sure are!” Nick says excitedly

“Oh gosh, should I delete my page?” Olly asks him

“No, no, don’t ahah, it's so sweet.  Wait till your followers see us hanging out!” Nick says.

I think Nick and Ollie are now on the ball of playing tricks 

“We should take a photo together and act like we just bumped into each other again!” Nick suggests. 

I take a photo of them and Olly posts it to his feed

“This deserved a spot on the feed , thank you Nick!”

Nick decides to give it a few hours before liking it, that way nothing is suspicious. 10 minutes after being posted Olivier gets hundreds of comments.

NO WAYY!!! CONGRATS MAN!!

YOOOOO. WHAT THE HECK?!

WAIT. AREN’T YOU FROM THE UK? AND YOU FLEW TO PARIS AND RANDOMLY MET HIM. THATS PURE LUCK

JEALOUS FOR YOU X

That's crazzzzzzyyy!!

What is he like? Is he really tall in real life? Is his muscles bigger in person?

How does it feel to live MY DREAM?

Wow. So Ollie's fan page is a big deal. We all go back to the hotel and hang out in Nick’s room for a bit. Nick and I have on multiple occasions been close to holding hands, the tension in the room heats up. We both want more, but are scared. Ollie had been begging to get Nick’s private instagram, which isn’t his name, that way his personal life is hidden away from the fans. Nick gives it to him, but says he can’t share it around. Olly won’t , I know he won't. He is loyal like that. 

After a bit, Olly and Emmy head back to our room, and I stay with Nick. I am not planning on staying the whole night, but we’ll see.

After a bit, Nick goes silent. Too silent. 

“Hey, Nick. Are you all good?” I ask. No response 

I put a hand on his leg and smiled at him. Nick takes a deep breath and sighs. Something is going on. 

“Are you going to try and see your dad at all?’ I ask. Something I know he rarely likes to talk about. 

“Charlie. Just shut the fuck up mate. I don’t want to talk about it. Just get out alright.” he yells. He has never once yelled at me. 

Tears start falling down his face. 

“Nick- you can talk to me-” my voice crackles. 

“THEN I’LL LEAVE” he gets up and goes to the bathroom, slamming the door. 

I sit in shock for a while, not knowing if I should go back to mine, or stay here until things are settled. I don’t want to leave him in this vulnerable state. 

Around an hour later, I am still sitting on his bed. I am scrolling through pinterest on my phone, looking at library aesthetics. It is my dream one day to own one. After another 10 minutes, Nick walks out. 

“Hey, Charlie? You’re still here?” he whispers. 

“Yeah. course. I didn’t want to leave you” I reply

Nick comes over to me, and gently sits on the bed. 

“Im so sorry about before. I didn’t mean to yell, I didn’t mean to sweat. It's just. I was disowned by my own father today. He doesn’t care whatsoever. I found out today he has a new wife and sons. The same ages as David and I. He has replaced us. Is playing happy families with someone else” a tear drop falls from his face, into his lap. 

“Oh Nick. I am so sorry. I can’t imagine what that's like.” is all i can think of saying. 

“It’s fine, used to it. Have my whole life. I am just trying to patch up my scars in how I parent Lyla. I always show up for her, and try my best to meet her needs. That's also half the reason I'm retiring. I hate seeing her upset when I have to leave, I don’t want her to have that pain.” he says. 

“Nick. She understands it's your work right?” 

Nick nods 

“She would be so proud and happy of you. She knows when you leave you are coming back, that you aren't going to buy milk” Nick laughs at that. 

“But. you are her dad. And the best one. I’ve seen the way you talk on the phone with her. That's what matters. The phone calls to say goodnight when you can’t physically tuck her in and read her favourite book. I look into Nick’s deep blue eyes. Filled with so much emotion and trauma. 

“Do you have anything planned for when you get back?: I ask.

“Yeah, we are going to Australia, back here, and Menorca” he explains

“See! You are creating so many memories Nick. She might be young to remember all of them later. But she will have your stories of these memories. And that's so important”. 

*****

Nick

Charlie's words hit so hard at home. He has so much sense in him. I gave him a smile after that comment. He himself has obviously been through a lot to say those kinds of things. Or because he is a university professor, and has seen students deal with it.  I get up and move further to the head end of the bed and climb under the covers. I pull the sheets back on the other side of the bed, inviting Charlie in. 

He crawls under the covers alongside me, and we just lay there in silence. We talk for a little while longer about our pasts, and jokingly say how his mum and my dad would kill each other in 5 minutes of being in the same room. 

Charlie probably doesn’t realise, or he does but is hiding it very well, that I am slowly falling in love. I want to break off this friendship and turn it into something else. I just don’t know how to tell him. 

When we both matched on Tinder, even though it is a dating app, we just saw a friendship in each other. Two single dads not quite ready for a relationship. But over the past few weeks, our bond has grown, we have become more comfortable with each other and are each other’s safe place. Lately he just understands my feelings. More than anyone else has. 

The next morning we both wake up to being in each other’s arms. Somehow we went from sleeping a meter apart, to sleeping completely tangled up. I quickly check under the covers to make sure I'm still clothed. I am. Charlie is still asleep, so I don't want to move and wake him up. I stare at him, admiring his beauty. How I wish I could have more of him than what I do. That I want to kiss him.  A little while later, he finally wakes and realises that he is cuddling me. 

“Morning” he says in a half sleepy voice. That voice soon turns to be fully awake as he notices. “Crap. Nick im sorry-” 

“No, don’t apologise. We have been like this all night” I laugh

“Im such an idiot” he laughs back

“No, we are,” I joke. 

Charlie gets out of bed still in the clothes from the night before."I better go, Emmy will be wondering where I am when she wakes up” he says/

I frown “alright, leave me then” I huff, blowing some of my hair out of my face. 

Charlie laughs and turns around to head to the door. 

Just before he gets there I yell “NICE ARSE” and he looks at me and sticks his finger up, opens the door and shuts it. 

Chapter Text

Charlie:

I still replay last night in my head. Even though nothing too intimate or sexual happened between Nick and I, it was still a bonding moment. Somehow we went from talking all night,to being intertwined . It was like we were on. I go down to the dining area of the hotel and grab myself a coffee before heading back to MY room. 

I finally get back to the room, slowly opening the door as I know everyone will still be sleeping. I sneak back into bed and Emmy instantly cuddles into me. 

“Daddy?’ she whispers ever so softly. Her morning creaky voice is the cutest. 

“Yea baby?” I whisper back, trying to be mindful of Tori and Michael in the bed next to us.
“I can’t wait to go to the zoo today!” she says 

“Yeah! Same!!” I replied. 

Last time I came to Paris with Tori and Michael, we didn’t have an Emmy. Our days were filled with sleeping, wine tasting, and food taste testing. The nights filled with clubbing, getting completely wasted, and staying up to all hours of the morning. 

This time, we are all in bed by 8pm watching bluey, the days filled with zoos, meeting Nick, probably going to get ice cream, and going to the lego store. 

Before we leave for Paris, we adults have decided on spending the last day resting and relaxing at the hotel. Hopefully getting Emmy to have a nap during the day as Tori and I really want her to see the eiffel tower turn the lights off. 

Next minute Olly walks through the door.

“Where have you been?” I ask

“Out.” he replies , then laughs. “No. I went for a walk, everyone was still asleep, and I got bored”

“Typical” I laugh back. Olivier walks over to my bed, and sits on the other side of Emmy. I I think we had the same idea as the next minute Emmy was squashed between us, silently giggling. 

“Shh, shhh, shhh” I whisper while holding in my laugh. “Uncle and Aunty are still sleeping” I kiss Emmy on the head.

“Sowry” she silently giggles back. 

“It's ok” I give her another kiss. 

Olly leans over and grabs his Nintendo Switch, and gets up the Barbie game for Emmy to play. This should keep her entertained for a while. I scroll on my phone, and Olly watches Emmy. 

After an hour, Tori and Michael finally wake up. We were late to the buffet breakfast, so we decided to get ready and head to the zoo, with our first visit there being to get food. 

Emmy chooses the seating once again, opting to go right near the playground. We sit down, and not too long later our coffee arrives. 

“So Emmy moo, what animal are you excited to see the most?” Michael asks. 

“LEMURS!!” She shouts

Everyone laughs 

“Hey, inside voice” Tori corrects

“But we are outside?” Emmy questions 

Olly laughs at that one “She has a point”

“Well, I'm looking forward to seeing the zebra!” I add on.

“Lions” Tori says 

Olly and Michael both agree on the Lemurs like Emmy.

Emmy ended up falling asleep on Michales shoulder half way through the day. We hadn’t seen the Lemurs yet, so we decided to sit down in a nice shaded spot for a while whilst Emmy slept. 

“I can’t believe she is seriously asleep.. At the ZOO!” I say. 

Olivier starts to laugh

“What? Why are you laughing?” I question him.

“Well, maybe she is tired because we didn’t go to bed until well after her bed time, I'm talking at 9pm. We had an ice cream party. Just Tori, Emmy, Micahel and I”

I give them all the are you serious looks, they know I don’t mind it some nights, its their niece hanging out time. 

“Nah all good, just earlier to bed tonight for tomorrow” I say

“Agreed” Tori replies.

“Speaking of.. Hello Emmy. Nice sleep?” Michael asks. 

Emmy slowly opens her eyes. Rubbing them and trying to readjust to the light. 

“Hey baby. Have a good sleep?” I ask her.  She nods her head and crawls off Michales lap, coming over to me for a hug. I pull her up and sit her on my lap.

“Can we see the Lemurs next?” she questions. 

“OF CORSE!” I voiced loudly. Her face lit up and her cheeks started blushing. Something she always does when happy. 

We all head to the Lemurs, and she gets to feed one. 

“Hey Charlie, remember the last time I went to the zoo with you and I made a joke about the Lemurs looking like you, aka a mini charlie?” Olly states.

“Yeah??” I replied back confused. 

“Well, Emmy is a minier version” He laughs

Tori cracks up laughing “I totally see that” 

“My lemur” Olly calls Emmy

“HEY! I'M NOT ONE!” She passionately says
“Hate to break it to you missy, but you inherited my ears and big eyes. So yea- you do” I lean and give her a kiss on the cheek. 

We had spent the whole day at the Zoo, arriving before it opened, and leaving just before close. On the way back to the motel, which was a few blocks walk, Emmy insisted on Olly carrying her. Which he happily did. 

He lifted her up onto his shoulders, making everything seem smaller to her as she was high in the air. “Hey Aunty Tori?” she turns to her

“Yeah love?” Tori looked up at the sky to see her. 

“How does it feel to be short again?” Emmy started laughing.

The face on Tori was priceless. Her lips curled, and her eyes turned into that deadly look she always gives when not impressed. “You are so lucky I love you” 

Reaching the Hotel, we all agree our feet are exhausted. Emmy was now walking beside us, as we all realised it wouldn;t be a good idea trying to carry her on Olly’s shoulders walking in, because of his height. 

We all had showers and got into our PJs for the night, ready to put on a movie and hoping Emmy falls asleep quickly. Which she does. 

By 10pm. Everyone but me is asleep. I am still replaying last night. The warmth being illuminated from Nick’s body. The one too many close moments where we almost kissed. How when we woke up, we managed to be cuddling. 

I wanted to message Nick, asking if we could meet up again, but as I went into his contacts, now earning rights to having his phone number, I saw a text from this morning that I never thought I would see.

Charlie, our flight got delayed so I'm leaving tomorrow instead. I understand the whole friends thing. But when I keep hearing it from you, referring to me as a friend, it breaks my heart. I get if it was to your daughter or my daughter. But it's not. So you either want to date and be partners or not. I'm sick and tired of all these near moments. For the next sentence you call me a friend. 

I know you are having a family day out, so might not see this till later…

But if you want to see me before I leave 10am tomorrow,  you can. We can sort things out in person, and move on from there. 

• Nick 

****

Nick

I stared at the *seen* underneath the message I sent to Charlie. I knew he wouldn't see it till late, but something in me decided to open it back up before going to bed. Still on delivery. Next minute, he left me on seen. 

After 5 minutes of staring. He starts typing. Then stops. Then it starts again. Then stops. 

I can't keep doing this Charlie. I can't keep up with your fucking mind games. I don't need this- *knock* 

I put on a t-shirt and proper pants after just being in my boxers. I walk to the door and look out the peep hole before opening. For all I know they could be a serial killer. Nick. You've listened to one too many crime podcasts. 

As I look, I see it's Charlie. 

I open the door. 

“What do you-” 

Before I can finish my sentence, he lips are smashing into mine. My hands finding their way to his curls , getting tangled. 

The door slams shut behind us. 

We are both breathing heavily in between kisses. I have never passionately kissed someone like this since before Lyla was born. The last person was Laura. 

I pick him up, and his legs swing around my hips. 

His nails are digging into my back, before crawling down to the seam of my shirt. Lifting it off over my head. 

I place him on the bed, pushing him over. We stop kissing for a moment and just stare at each other, in awe of what just happened. Before I know it I'm laying on the bed next to him, we are holding each other's faces. We aren't kissing this time. Just taking in every little part and detail of each other's faces.

 ‘What is this?” He laughs as I move Mr Panda off the bed

“Oh, Mr Panda” I laugh back

“I'm sorry? WHAT I'm not about to have sex with a guy that still sleeps with- oh wait. It’s Lylas” he says embarrassed

“Haha yeah” I say

“Sorry, forgot” he digs his head into my shoulder. I smile at him and lift his head up. 

I stare at the dimples near his lips, the soft tissue making up his lips. The ones I just got blessed with. His skin feels baby soft under my rough hands from all the bench presses I do. His blue/brown eyes are sparkling in the dimness of the lamp above us. 

“I'm so sorry Nick. That was uncalled for- I really..” 

I kiss him again to shut him up. Only a small peck. 

“Better? Charlie, I just enjoyed that so-” 

“Char?” now it's his turn to stop me 

“Yeah. No. Shit. Charlie” I say. embarrassed.

“No. I like it. Call me again” he demands 

“Nope” I say through a smile 

“please” begging he asks.

“Fine. Char.. I just enjoyed that. So does it mean??” I say 

He kisses me again, “yes. Of course Nick. I like you. A lot. Like. Really really like you” 

I am smiling like an idiot now. “So. Want to stay here tonight? Orr” I give him the options

“Yeah..I'll stay here” he smirks. 

We lay in bed, cuddled up. At least this time we will know how we ended up here. 

He ends up falling asleep first, head on my chest. I play with his hair for a bit, giving him head scratches just like I do to Lyla. They both seem to enjoy it. 

I must've fallen asleep shortly after as the next time I wake up, Charlie is up a

By the counter making tea, and the sun is shining.

“Bonjour Nick” he chuckles. 

“Bonjour” I replied back.

“I've made you some tea” he walks over and sits back down on the bed, passing me the cup.

“Lite milk , one sugar” he tells me

“And how did you know my ways of tea? Hmm” I question 

“Interviews. I did my research" he replies.

We both laugh. 

We sit on the bed, drinking our tea and eating toast like we are an older couple. We tell jokes, share stories of our daughters, tell stories of our childhoods, and act like we have known each other for eternity. 

“I really don’t want to ruin the moment” I sigh “But I do need to get ready for the airport, im sorry” my eyes start to water, I don’t want to leave him, not now or ever

“Nick, hey, we can still chat, and you live where my family is. We will still see each other” He says trying to lighten the situation. 

I give him a smile and another kiss, finish my coffee that now is a tad cold because of all the talking. 

After what seemed like 5 minutes, but was really half an hour, I'm off on my way to the airport. I dropped Charlie back off at his room before I went down to the lobby handing in my keys. As I get in the Uber, I already see a message from him. 

“Loved last night, should do it again 🤭”

Im smiling like a total idiot., “Yeah we should 😏” I answer.

I put my earphones in and put on Lyla’s playlist again, the first some coming on being moments in the sun. She loves this song as it reminds her of all the fun we have together in summer. 

The sleepless nights playing monopoly, eating ice cream until our tummies hurt, swimming all day, the accidental sunburn, and wishing we had a 3rd person to join us. But I think this summer will be different, we won't just have a third, but a fourth as well.

Charlie:

So, I am trying to hide my quilty smile as I'm talking to my brother, sister, daughter and brother in law. I think the older three can tell something is up. Like its their sixth sense. Emmy on the other hand, she keeps asking every 5 minutes when the light shower on the Eiffel Tower is happening. 

Emmy and Michael run off to the indoor heated pool. It's a bit chilly this morning, so a nice swim will hopefully wear Emmy out so she can sleep for tonight. 

“:Sooo,,, how’d it go??” Tori asks , smirking like a school kid.

“Oh SHUT UP” I threw a pillow at her. 

“No, no, no we want the details! ALL OF THEM”  Olly demands. 

“We just kissed, that's it. I'm serious. Nothing too real too soon” I say, there was a small lie in that. But I don’t want them knowing everything in my sex life.

“Are you two officials at least?” Tori asks.

“Ok, fine. Olly do not share this to your socials” I point my finger towards his direction, having a stern tone in my voice. I was outed in high school. And I don’t know if Nick is out, so I don’t want the same happening to him.

“Okay, I won’t. I promise. But just know that Nick is out and proud, last Pride he posted a photo of him at the parade in Kent with his best friend and her girlfriend” Olly says happily

“Dang Olly, you stalker” Tori says

“No, no, this is fine, haha , creepy, but good.  But yea, we made it official last night” I say

“Was this before or after sex?” Olly tilts his head like a lost puppy. 

“ENOUGH ABOUT THE SEX. WE DID NUDDA. ONLY KISSED OK!” At this point I'm more embarrassed about my siblings wanting to know about that aspect of my life.I get we made an oath to each other we’d share and tell everything. But, c’mon. We were little kids. That part of relationships didn’t even exist yet. 

I'm just happy that you’re happy, you are my baby brother, and I'm so proud of how far you have come” Tori starts tearing up. I give her shoulder a rub, and lean in for a hug. Next minute, Olly is also hugging us, and we are having one of our spring sibling group hugs again. 

I break apart the hug first, whipping my eyes after they become a bit watery. 

“Thanks for everything you two. For helping me with Emmy, for my mental health struggles, and so much more.” I choke up. 

“That's what siblings are for” Tori replies back. 

“So. he is my brother-in-law now? Nick?” Olly asks

“I guess” I laugh

He lets out a “yes!” and starts fist pumping the air . 

After a while Emmy and Michalel come back into the room, Emmy asleep on Michael’s shoulder. He places her carefully on the bed, and she doesn’t stir or wake. Michael and Tori decide to go for a walk together out in the streets, the first time this holiday they have been able to leave the hotel alone, as most times they have had Emmy, or Olly and I following. 

Olly is sitting on the lounge and I plunk myself down next to him, jolting as I do so. 

“Oi, careful mate” he jokes 

“Gee, keep that up and you won’t get privileges of seeing Nick” I laugh back. 

“Nah, never” He replies. 

I stare at Emmy sleeping for a bit. Admiring all her small features squished into a tiny face. Her precious little lips, the small dimple that is in the same spot as me, her long lashes. Her hand is curled up next to her head. Fingers so tiny, her whole hand being able to wrap around my finger. How her curls fall over her face as she moves a touch.

“I know I said this before when she was born, but gosh you did good” Olivier smiles. 

“She definitely got your genes” he adds on.

“You think?” I question

“Yeah, definitely,” he replies.

I see the clocks running in his head, I know he is thinking of a smart-ass question. “So early days” Here we go,

“Go on” I roll my eyes

“But. You know if you and Nick ever have a kid, that will be one heck of a baby. Tori can be the surrogate” he exclaims. 

“Ohh, and who says Tori will be the surrogate?” I laugh

“Don’t try to come up with an excuse. I heard you two talking years ago about Tori being a surrogate for you if you ever met a man, and wanted to have children with him” He says

I forgot about that conversation entirely. I give a small wink and smirk at Olly, before I get up and go to the kitchen. 

I flick the switch to the kettle, and pull down two mugs and drop a tea bag in. 

I fill up the cups, having Olly’s brew the longest as he likes strong tea. I only like my strength when I know I’ll be awake several hours because of Emmy. 

As I was making the tea, Olly headed outside to our balcony overlooking the Eiffel Tower and the french landscape. There is a coffee shop below us, getting the smell of freshly brewed coffee whenever the door is opened. I head out, and sit down at the table, handing Olly his drink. 

As we both take a sip, our heads go back. I swallow gently and close my eyes. Gosh this tea is good. 

“You know what will make this tea ever better?” Olly asks.

I catch myself doing something Emmy always does. My head tilts, and my eyes lighten up. I guess she gets it from me. 

“Vodka” He pulls out a small bottle out of his pocket. I don’t know how I never noticed it there before.
‘OLVIER!” I yell, forgetting I have a child asleep inside

“SHH EMMY” for once he is telling me to quieten down.

He puts some Vodka in his drink, but I shake my head and decline. 

I hate to admit it, but when I found out that Laura had cheated on me, and after I dumped her, I went straight to drink.

It was my coping mechanism. I would have shots of Vodka and Tequila in everything. My morning coffee, my soft drinks, or just drink it straight. It got to a point that I wanted and needed help. I wasn’t one of the people that would become abusive whilst on it. But I knew with a small child only weeks away, I needed to do something, that way I didn’t become the drunk father. 

That’s when I moved in with Tori and Michael. They didn’t have any kind of alcohol in their house. I went to weekly online therapy sessions, and stayed in with Tori and Michael, where there was always someone at home with me. In the first few weeks until my cravings passed, Tori had taken the time off work so she could be with me 24/7, to make sure I didn’t do something dumb or break my sobriety. 

I was clean and alcohol free for 4 years. Only starting to have the occasional drink here and there in the last 6 months. Now having the self control to only stop at 3.  

Olly gives me another smile and says “I'm proud of you” 

I smile back and say “and you too” 

Chapter Text

Nick:

As I step inside the airport back in London, I see Lyla straight away. “WHAT THE HECK?!” I cannot believe it. “DADDDY!!!!” She comes running over to me, jumping in my arms. 

“OH my goodness!!!” I squeeze her tightly. 

“Someone was missing their daddy a lot and wanted to surprise you” Mum says.

“Well, this is the best surprise ever!” I say back, kissing Lyla’s head. 

I put her back down and she grabbed my hand. We walk out to mum's car, me ditching the team so I can go to Leeds with mum and Lyla. 

I sit in the back seat with Lyla just like I did when she was a baby. 

“So. How have you been?! Having lots of fun I assume” I ask Lyla 

“Yeah!! Yesterday we went to the Zoo! And I saw a Panda!!” She excitedly replies.

Oh no. I forgot Mr Panda. 

“No way! Like Mr Panda” the dad guilt sets in. 

“Did you bring him back?!” She asks.

Great. 

“I just realised and I'm so sorry, but I left him at the hotel. BUT one of my friends who I used to go to school with now works there, so he is all safe! I’ll get him sent to us straight away!”  

I will definitely be texting Charlie later. 

As we get to Leeds and mum gets the keys for the hotel room, I get my phone whilst Lyla isn’t looking and message Charlie. 

Messages: 

Nick:
Charlie! We have a dilemma. I left Mr Panda in Paris. Can you run down to the reception desk and see if he was handed in. If so, show them this message of Lyla with him so they know it's going to the right owner (attachment of Lyla and Mr Panda). 

Charlie: 

All good, done now (attachment of photo with him holding Mr Panda), just as they were cleaning your room I was walking passed and saw him, so told them I know the owner. Do you want me to express this post to him or will I come back after tomorrow? 

Nick:
It will be better to post him. I told her you work at the hotel so you’d get him to us ASAP.

Charlie:

I’ll leave for the post office now. What's your address? Name? 

Nick:

Delilah Nelson

4 Trevelyan Square, Boar Ln, Leeds LS1 6ET, United Kingdom. 

Room 19

Charlie: 

Awesome! I’ll put it under an express post AND fragile. 

Nick:

LMK how much I owe for postage 

Charlie:

Don’t worry about it. Its fine xx

Nick:

Thanks xx

Off messages.

My stomach  fills with butterflies. Did we seriously just send each other xx ?

I have so many feelings about this. Is it a good thing? Right?

After checking in and getting sorted, I take Lyla and Mum for a walk around the place as It isn’t far from where I went to uni. I take them for a tour on the outskirts of the uni, my stomach dropping as we walk past where I used to stay.

I look at the building,  the building on the open day where Lyla was conceived. I feel so stupid about that night, it was known as the frats dorm. But at the same time, I'm so glad I have the cutest child next to me now. 

As we turn the corner, I see the tiny house I use to stay in with a few other people.

“And here is where daddy lived whilst in uni!” I say to Lyla, pointing it out.

“Really?!” She says. “With who?”

“Well there were 3 other people. It's one of the university accommodations! So it's a part of this university and students who live far away can stay here during the school semesters so they don’t have to travel hours and hours!” I replied.

“Daddy was also the captain of the university rugby team! And the high school one” Mum adds on. 

Lyla’s face lightens up whilst hearing stories about my childhood and teenage years. She loves to hear all the fun that we used to do. 

We settled on  a nice place to have lunch, and I really want to tell mum and Lyla about Charlie.

I gulp and my eyes wander the place. Mum can tell something is wrong.

“Is everything alright Nicky?” She asks

I come back into focus. “Yeah, all good” I smile. My hands are shaky. I just want to bite the bullet, but at the same time for Lyla’s sake, I don’t want to let her know in case we don’t work out in the end. 

“I am just really nervous about next week. It’s when I am making the announcement” I swallow hard, I am also nervous about that, so it isn’t a full lie.

Mum puts her hand on my shoulder, and I see Lyla reach for my hand. I grab onto both of their hands and smile at them. 

“Oh baby, you will do amazing. I have read the speech, Imogen has, you have sent it to the team. Everyone thinks it's amazing and a beautiful way to say cya” Mum is trying not to choke up. And she is also trying to be quiet with it all, as the public isn't aware. 

After finishing up lunch, we head back to the hotel and have a swim in the pool. Mum is lying beside one of the chairs, reading in the sun. Lyla and I make big splashes and I constantly jump into the pool with her by my side. I throw her around, she does a flip in the air. All her giggles. This is the one thing I’m looking forward to, spending more time with her. Being absent. 

“Hey daddy” she gives a mysterious grin.

“What are you thinking?” I cautiously asked. I know when she is up to knowing good, her face card is a dead give away. 

“Lets push Nanna in the pool” She giggles whilst whispering. 

I grin back at her, and give an accepting nod, she gets out of the pool to persuade mum to come over to the edge. 

“Hey Nana” she says

Mum places her book down on the table, along with her Margarida.

“Yes my love” she smiles

“I have a new trick with daddy to show, but you have to come over to see us properly!” Lyla lies. She hardly ever lies, but when she does you can usually tell as she hates it. For years I could never tell her what I was getting mum for birthdays or Christmas because she couldn’t keep the secret. And when it came to mine, I had to act surprised when opening the gifts because she would let it slip sometimes. However this lie, she sounds convincing that she does want to show her Nanna a trick. 

As they walk over to the pool’s edge,

 She is holding in a laugh, Mum gets to the edge. “What is this trick?” she asks 

Next minute Lyla pushes her in and follows by jumping in. 

When mum finally makes her way to the surface she is giving us the evil stare., the mum looks. 

“Oh my goodness you two!” she starts laughing

“Lyla’s idea” i point to my daughter

“Don’t go blaming my baby nicky” she says’

No, Nanna, it was my idea!” yep, Lyla definitely can’t lie and has to take the blame for everything. 

Charlie:

I see that I have a gazillion missed calls from mum, along with a bunch of texts. I really do not want to have to put up with her manipulative behaviours and ways whilst I’m having downtime with my daughter and family.

I sigh. “Why can’t mum just leave me alone, take the hint that I want nothing to do with her at the moment" I hand Tori my phone, and she has a look at all of the missed messages. 

“Charlie, this isn’t acceptable, what on Earth does she think she will get out of you for messaging and harassing you” She looks at me, pouting, trying to understand Mum’s behaviour.

‘Who knows, but it’s not going to work, I already have enough stress on my plate with figuring out how I am going to tell Emmy that Nick and I are more than friends, how I will manage this custody battle of Emmy. How much longer do I need to deal with Laura.” At this point the anger in my voice is growing. And I need to calm down fast. 

“Block mum, I'm serious. If she cares enough as she is making out, she will turn to Olly and I to reach you, which we know she won’t.” Tori is right, so I block mum. 

It felt like there was a weight off my shoulders. It feels wrong but right at the same time. 

Olivier comes over, after hearing the sigh I must’ve let out. 

“Was that a good or bad sigh?!” he asks. 

“I blocked mum.” I casually say.

 I hand him my phone so he knows why. He reads the messages.

Messages: 

Jane:

Charles. Please let me see my granddaughter. Not only are you destroying me, you are destroying her. 

Jane:

Don’t you want your child to have a relationship with their grandmother

Jane:

Charles Francis Spring. PLEASE

Charlie:

Why would you care now? You never cared about her ever. Not when I was going to court for custody,  not when I had to hear the most heartbreaking statement from Emmy about everything going on in her life. You never sent her a birthday or Christmas card when you and dad separated, it was always love Abelo.

Jane:

Oh don’t be ridiculous. I know in your will you choose to have Tori as her legal guardian instead of me? But why? I should get custody over Tori.

Charlie:

Because she has shown up for this little girl, she would get hit by a bullet to protect her little baby. I'm not sorry anymore,but I don't want you in our lives. You only came to Olivier's birthday just to look good, you pissed back off as soon as you could. You never cared enough for me, my mental health. You didn't care enough the first time when I almost ended things. You told me I was looking for attention with my Anorexia and OCD, that there was no such thing as it. When I came out you said it was just a phase that I'll grow out of because Emmy needs a mother.. 

Jane:

It's the truth honey. She needs a motherly figure, a woman role model.. 

Charlie

Bullshit. There are heaps of little girls who have two dads. And truth be told, she does have that important woman in her life. TORI. So I don't want to hear your made up beliefs anymore. I don't care, never have, and never will. Bye. 

Blocked

Olly huffs. “Gosh Charlie. I'm so sorry” he hugs me tight. I'm so glad we are becoming close again. I've lost too many family members who are still earth side. I can't lose Him too. Not my little, sometimes annoying, brother.

“It’s not your fault Olly” I let out a sigh “it’s just, mum. She wanted to break the generational curse, but she inflicted it more.” I add 

“Are you going to tell her about Nick?” He asks

I shake my head. That’s the last thing I want to do. “No, I don’t want mum to spoil tonight” I chuckle. Olly nods in agreement and we start getting ready.  

It's around 8pm, we have a very late dinner, and then play in the park for a while, finishing off with ice cream. The lights don’t go until 12am, so we still have hours to kill. We brought a picnic blanket with us and we all sat on a grass patch on this hill, with a great view of the tower. I get my phone again and this time decide to facetime Tao and Issac. I know that they would still be awake over in Truham, given tonight is Friday and it is their sacred movie night.

On facetime

Emmy:

ISSAC! TAO!!!

Issac: 

Oh hey snuggle pot! How are you?

Tao:

Are you enjoying Paris with daddy?

Emmy nods

Emmy: 

Right now we are waiting for the pretty light show! (she grabs the phone, and shows them the eiffel tower

Issac:

Lucky duck! 

Emmy: 

Can I join you again for movie night?

Tao: 

Yeah dad, can she!

I let out half a sigh, mixed in with a laugh, they have always been begging me to let her stay with them for a movie night. 

Charlie:

Maybe when we get back from Paris! Make a whole night from it, and besides, I have a lot to catch you two up on. So once maddam goes to bed-

I get interrupted 

Issac:

You mean the next day? You both will fall asleep in the movie (he chuckles)

Charlie:

Hush. no. I mean, like I am going back to Truham for a bit after Paris, so one night when she goes to sleep we can talk and catch up.

Tao:

Alright, alright. 

Emmy:

Paris has been so fun! We met the rugby players that are from your home, and then we went to the zoo, had dinner and a lot of ice cream! Played in the pool, the park! We also got to go on this masssssivvve slide at the park. Aunty Tori took me down. She and Uncle Michael tagged along too!

Olly coughs in the background

Olivier: 

OI IM HERE TO STINKER

Tao shouts 

HEY OLIVIER

Oliver peeks his head into the screen

Oliver:

Hi, haha, bye (he leaves)

Issac: 

I can’t keep up with all that fun. You are so spoiled and lucky! 

Emmy:

I know (laughs), I might go play in park again 

She gets up and drags olivier by the hand, I have the camera on them and we are all laughing

I take them off speaker and turn my cameras off, that way I can quickly chat 

Charlie:

So, I blocked mum, I will send screenshots of our messages that made me do this. I am seeing someone I met over here, but he actually lives in Truham, believe it or not. Nicholas Nelson? Remember him. Oh, and he has a daughter a bit older than Emmy. So a lot has happened.

Issac:
Oui Oui, he is French I take it?

Charlie:

A hot one too. Good in bed-

Tao starts to gag

Tao: 

Oh yuck- please no. I get we said we want details of the holiday, but keep it PG. 

Off phone 

We all laughed and talked for a while longer before hanging up. A little while later was when the show started. Emmy was absolutely amazed by it all and told me when she is my age and meets someone, she wants to get proposed under the stars, with this in the background., It makes me choke up a bit knowing that my baby girl can see that in her future. I don’t want it to ever come to that, but I know someday it will. The one day when mum was actually being kind and grandmotherly to her, she let Emmy try on her wedding dress. Emmy walked out in it, so elegant, and I was a mess. I should rephrase that. I was at work when the message came through, and started crying like a total idiot. Everyone thought I was going nuts until they saw the photo for themselves.

⚠️⚠️⚠️

We got back to the hotel, Emmy wrapped around me asleep. I gently place her in the bed, and crawl in next to her. She is a heavy sleeper, but always manages to find her way to me and snuggle herself into me when I eventually lay next to her. I give her back scratches and tickles for a bit until I end up falling asleep. Tori and Michael decided to stay out for a bit longer, with me having to parent them and tell them not to stay out too long as we have a plane to catch tomorrow. Olivier came back to the hotel with us, laying in bed typing away at his laptop. He is trying his best to get all of his university applications in on time. He wants to get in. I admire his determination and self consequence. Olivier has always been a very high achiever, straight A student, head boy., everyone loves him. I guess he is like me when I was that age, the only difference is he is actually HAPPY. He wasn’t admitted into the hospital for a couple of months like a prisoner. He hasn’t written letters for loved ones because he thinks everything will end. He doesn’t find himself useless or worthless. He wants to be alive. Enjoy the simple moments. He doesn’t bed rot. Or in a few years have the urge to drink his feelings away until feeling numb. The thought of overdosing isn’t in his mind. He doesn’t have a body covered with scars he needs to hide. He isn’t ashamed of who he is. 

I start tearing up. Whilst that part of my life is well over and done with, I still think back to a few years ago when those thoughts came flooding back. I didn’t want to, but I knew it was the best for Emmy, so I half lied and told her I was going away for a few weeks on a work trip for more research. She knows on the side I'm an author and publisher. But in reality, I was going back to the hospital. Getting help before my little girl didn’t have a dad. That's the weird thing. After being clean for years, I never thought I would relapse. But there I was, alone at home, when Emmy was staying with Laura. Tori and Michael were on a date night, and it was a few months after I yelled at Olivier, the start of my downward spiral, I couldn’t handle anything anymore. I had the urges, the voices were getting louder and louder, I drank until I couldn’t see anything, and took a bunch of Opioids, to try and numb myself more. All I can remember after that is the muffled yells from Tori as Michael was on the phone calling the ambulance. Tori was crying, squeezing my hand, trying to get me to stay awake. She found new cut marks that night, and told me it was best for me to stay in hospital, and when given the chance to be admitted, to take it. As I was shaking, I couldn’t stop being apologetic. I felt like I ruined everything. I am grateful that Emmery  wasn’t home with me that night. 

⚠️⚠️⚠️

Nick:

It's the morning of the second last meet and greet for me and I'm feeling all the emotions. My mind is racing, overstimulated to say the least. But I want it to be perfect. Not for myself, but for the fans. I am also preparing for the flood of messages I will receive when the news breaks. I try my best to read them all, but sometimes it gets too much. I know the fans mean well, but after a few weeks of constant messages and reading them, getting some hateful ones here and there, I decided I needed a private Instagram without my name involved in the title. I created it and only gave out to trusted friends and family. Where I could relax. I hardly post on that one, and when I do it is usually photos Lyla has taken of me and our adventures. Everything that is in her point of view. How she views me. Have I done the right thing for her? I started only posting work related things on the public one, so no one knew any personal details. I never posted when I went away for private family time, and only reposted work related posts from official rugby accounts. 

“Alright Lyls, I have to go now, but you and Nanna I hear are going down to the spa and having a girls day!” My eyes lighten up, I can feel it. 

“Really?!” She looks at mum's way to see a nod of confirmation. Lyla starts jumping up and down. “And when my nails are done I can show aunty immy?!” she looks back at me, I also nod of approval “she will love that!”.

I head out and meet up with Otis, Christian, Sai and Bailey.  We get to the oval, the one where I had many home games back in my uni days. It brings back a lot of nostalgia , and it brings back terrible memories, especially the one where I was knocked down and concussed. I was out of it for a bit, I awoke to the sound of Lyla screaming, mum trying to comfort her. She was only 2, and I still see the horror on her face. 

After meeting some fans I saw two familiar faces. Chantell and David. 

“No way!” I get up and go to them, hugging them

“Couldn’t miss the bro’s big moment huh?” David jokes and pushes me in a playful way. 

“How is it going Nick?” Chantell  asks

“Yeah good, good! And you two?” I offer the favour back of asking them something

“It's good. We have news!” 

“It might have to wait until I finish, in a rush, but wait by the right wing, I will be there later” I point towards where the medic tents are and the food trucks. 

The time flies by, and before I know it I am making my way over to them. We all find a nice shaded spot and grab some food and drinks. 

“So, the news?” I raise my eyebrow, looking intrigued. 

“Right, do you want to say bub or can I?” David asks Chantell

“You can, you are his brother” she rubs his shoulder

“We got approved for the house, we are moving, we thought closer to you and Lyla, and mum too” David is smiling ear to ear

“Oh what! That's awesome” I give david a little hit on the shoulder then hug Chantell

“We move in the middle of summer, we have a pool, so whilst us adults are going to be unpacking little miss can swim!” Chantell posses 

“Oh that would be lovely” I replied. 

We all laugh and chat for a while. I really want to ask them the questions about marriage and when they are giving me a niece or nephew, but at the same time I know those are sensitive questions. 

“Something on your mind?” David must know
;what. No?” I hesitate

“Ask me” Chantell replies

“Fine. You won’t like it, but when are kids on the table?” I wink

“Well, we are trying, I found out I have endometriosis, so for us it will be a bit harder, maybe even have to look into adopting if it comes to it. We wouldn’t care, but having and carrying a baby is the dream” she smiles

I smile back 

“I hope you two get that dream soon, but gosh they better take after me or your looks Chantell and not davids” I laugh

Chantell bursts out laughing and David is giving me the greasy look. 

“Just, don’t tell mum. I hope she is getting another grandbaby!” he asks 

“Oh course not. Lips are sealed” I make the gesture of zipping my lips shut and throwing the key away. 

I bring David and Chantell back to our hotel where they are instantly greeted by Lyla showing off her pink sparkly nails. “Uncle David, I think you need your own pink glitter nails” she insists. He jokingly rolls his eyes, but after a while she does too much convincing and he takes her back down there, so she can pick what pink hue he needs to get. 

They return a while later and he is in a robe, and his nails are done. Both hands and toes. I'm laughing so much that my stomach is hurting. 

“Naw, pretty David” mum laughs

“Oh, be quiet,” he jokes. 

“I never thought I would see this sight” Chantell adds on, mum and I both agreeing. 

Lyla wanted a movie night with us, so we of course let her choose., all not surprised when she picked The Wild Robot. She absolutely loves that movie, and swears that whoever voices Brightbill must be a Nelson as he sounds like me. 

Half way through the movie, Lyla falls asleep so we decide to put the sound down a bit to have some noise in the background. 

Lyla is snuggled up to David, curled in a little ball with her hand over him.”She is so gorgeous, I can’t get over it, honestly” he says “Oh I totally agree” I laugh.

We all sit in silence until the movie finishes, where we then put our pick on, again having the sound ever so faint that it won’t annoy Lyla, but loud enough we can hear it. Chantell orders take out and gets it delivered, and mum is on drink duty, all making us one of her famous margaidas. It is the moments like this when I realise that I will be making the right choice tomorrow and announcing my retirement. 

Chapter Text

Nick:

It was an early morning start. We had to leave the hotel by 7am, that way we would get back to Truham by 2pm. I managed to sit in the front seat this time rather than the back, it took a lot of persuading and some bribery to Lyla, who I still think isn’t all too happy with this decision. “So baby” mum says “yeah” we all laugh, as Lyla and I say both at the same time. “I mean my big baby, Nicky” I roll my eyes, she will never stop not calling me by Nicky im afraid. “Yes?” I repeat. 

“What are your plans for after retirement? What about a small casual job?” She says.

I actually haven’t thought of that yet, I am still well in the working age, I am just taking a step down from physical work. She has suggested a few times a desk job. But I? Nick Nelson. Yeah right. That would be boring. “To be fair, I have no idea. I mean it’s not like I don’t have the money to be able to have a year off.” I raise my eyebrows. My bank account is in the millions. So it would be nothing to have no stable income for the year. I earn interest on my long term account, so that's a few hundred going into my account each month. 

“I mean, the year would be good, you deserve it” she looks my way and smiles. 

“Daddy, maybe you should be a teacher for little kids!” Lyla pipes up saying.

Wait. A. Minute. That isn’t actually a bad idea. I look in the review mirror and see her smiling at me, so I give her a big smile back.

 I searched on my phone for how long to study. 4 years max. I can’t have 5 whole years off, and the cost of studying.  I decided to message Charlie to see what he thinks. 

Messages: 

Nick:

I have a dilemma 

Charlie: 

Oh no, what

Nick:

So, I am retiring from rugby, right? But I need to do something else. I haven’t gone to university in years, so I have no clue about the process. HELP?

Charlie:

Ok, what were you thinking?

Nick:

Bachelor in primary education. I have always had that idea at the back of my head, but Lyla just brought it to my attention again. I want to have next year off work and study, so to go back after next. 

Charlie:

Alright, well. The study is a few years, so what do you think you will do before that?

Nick:

Didn’t you say the other week about the cafe you used to work at here in Truham said you can come back anytime?

Charlie:

Yes, and I have applied and got the position to start once I move back. It’s official.

I look at the message. Shit. He really is moving back.

Charlie:

I can always see if they would be willing to hire you after next year? 

Nick:

You would do that?

Charlie:

Yeah, I mean then we would be working together, and then depending on what university you study at..

Nick:

That is the thing, I am going to study at a different university compared to where you work. I don’t want you to have a bad reputation for being seen dating a student, and not only that, It probably wouldn’t be allowed. 

Charlie:

Safe idea haha. All I'm saying is that Emmy will be in year 5 when you are in your first year of teaching. Yea , Did the math. So like, at least going to school will be easier. 

Nick:

Hey, don’t mention 5 years from now! My baby will be an almost sixth former

Charlie:

WOAH WOAH WOAH. That is crazy . but almost? Isn’t she only 8? She’d be only 13.

Nick:

She is ahead for her age. She is 9 in a few weeks, and the school said she can jump straight to year 7 instead of doing year 6. Next year 10. So 5 years from then. 

Charlie: 

Gotcha. Dang, smarty pants. 

Nick:

I know right. She started school earlier because of her academic level. She's gonna be so young in the real world.

Charlie:

And I don’t think Emmy will be ready for school next year..

Nick: 

Hey, this isn’t a competition, they learn at their own paces. But are you telling me, I have an academic child and I just passed in school, and you, head boy of the school, passed flying colours as a child who isn’t academic? 

Charlie:
AHAHAH FOR REAL. WHAT THE HECK.

After messaging for a while, I hand my phone to Lyla, who is insisting on playing games. I switch my phone screen over to hers, that way she can’t get into things she isn’t meant to, or knowing charlie, so she doesn;t read a possible naughty message coming through. I look out the window, the grey sky slowly fading into blue, with the sun deciding to peek out of the clouds every so often. I rest my head on my hand, with my elbow propped up on the door. The smallest things keep reminding me of my childhood, the absent father who never really cared. How the seasons would change so quickly, yet my relationship with my father stayed the same. That the journey to get me where I am now was hell, but eventually led to haven, the life I have now. How when I found out I was a dad, that I hadn’t spoken to David in a few years since he moved to Paris, yet he got on the first plane back to meet his niece. I really wish dad was like David in that sense, that he would want some place in Lyla’s life, but when I messaged him with a photo of his granddaughter, he just left me on read and has since for the last 8/9 years. 

As I grew, I figured out that it's the people who actually show up as family. That I cannot force someone to have a relationship with my daughter, even though she deserves to know her family. I of course don’t speak badly of dad in front of Lyla, rather telling her stories of him that I remember, which is hardly any, but at least there is some there to tell. 

As we get closer to Truham, I feel a sense of relief, my home. Lyla’s home. 

“almost there now!” I say to Lyla, she isn’t a fan of all the long car rides, and never has, but she always manages to do so well.

“Are we going straight home, or to the place?” She asks.

“Nanna is dropping me off at the place, and you will go straight home with her. But then later when I am on the TV you and Nanna will have it on.” I reach my hand out to the back seat, where she instantly grabs onto it. I squeeze her hand, which she follows doing back. I rub her hand with my thumb and look over my shoulder and smile at her. 

We stay like this, hand in hand for a while. She lets go first, which I never let go first, as I never know how long she needs the hug and comfort for. Sometimes, I need a longer hug , but I never let her know that. Lyla does sometimes know when those times are, as she will hug me first or curl up on the lounge next to me, letting me know she will hug me as long as I want her to. 

An hour later I am being dropped off at the center,  I go to the back door and open it, giving Lyla a kiss and hug goodbye, squeezing her a little tighter than usual. 

As they drive off, I wave and head inside. 

As I get inside, I see the stage is set with seats where the press conference will be later. There are microphones and cameras set up already. In a way, I am glad to be leaving this life behind. 

We all hang out for a while before the event starts. This will be the last one. I get a bit teary eyed before heading out, the fans all cheering. 

After signing some things, we head to the press conference table. Because this is the last one, we have a special addition where some fans with the premium tickets can stay back for the conference. As per usual, the media asks us all different questions to how the season went and what we could do better next season. I gulp as my name gets called for a question, that I know what it will be.

“Now, Nicholas? We hear you have some news to share about yourself and what next season will look like. Care to share?” The reporter asks,

I get out the piece of paper I prepared earlier. I see on the big screen in front of me zoom into me, so I am the only one on screen.

“Yes, I do. So I have been with the Truham Bears for many years, over a decade. Many things in my life has changed during this time, some with my career, some things in my personal life.. I have made so many great memories with this club, I have seen amazing players come and go, I have worked with some of the most talented young men in the league, all whom have their own capabilities, limits, and what they bring to the field on game days. After thinking about this decision for a while, I have chosen that I will not be playing next season or others to come. 

This had a lot of thought into it. I have spoken with my amazing management team, coaches, friends and family, all agreeing that this is the best decision. I will always have a love for this sport, and it will always hold a special place in my heart. But, I am ready for the next chapter of my life, being a full time dad to my little princess, who is watching right now. I love you baby, everything that I have done these past few years have been for you. I have kept you in my mind and heart whilst playing. Everytime I ran onto the field, it was for you.. Every sleepless night on press, for away games, I kept a piece of you with me, your tiny little face captured in a photo smiling in the back of my phone case. 

For mum, Thank you for believing in me for all these years. From the early morning primary school games where you were freezing in the snow, drinking hot coffee, the mist coming off your warm breath. All those warm cuddles I would get. Seeing your face light up when I would score. Being the loudest cheering me on. The ongoing support you give with my little girl, your granddaughter. Taking care of her physically when I couldn’t. Sneakily letting her stay up late to watch me on the TV. Despite the distance, I could feel your presence in the games. I knew you were watching. Without you, I wouldn’t be who I am today, you showed me unconditional love, you would stay up late with me on nights when I felt my world was crashing. You helped get me ready for school, for my games, for my graduation, and hopefully one day, my wedding. 

To dad, You may or may not be watching this at the moment. If you are, I forgive you for everything that has happened in the past. I am not mad at the games you missed, the time you were away. From a father's perspective now, I see it. I know deep down it must’ve been hard for you to be away. But that was your choice, I still can’t understand that part, but I do want you to know that without you, all the french phone calls, the strict parenting way, I wouldn’t be some of the person I am today. 

David, my brother, I am so grateful that we have gotten closer once again. I have missed all those years with you. I hope now we can find out more about each other. As your little brother, I have ALWAYS looked up to you, realise that the way you reacted in the past to stuff or how you treated me was because you were young too whilst going through that. I don’t blame you for feeling that way. We were both young boys with big emotions.  Thank you for pushing me to  my limits, in multiple ways.  Thank you for giving a fun challenge as kids playing backyard rugby. 

Imogen, Aunt Diane, Uncle Rich, my little cousins, Nan and Pop, thank you all for the love and support you have given me. For also being my biggest cheerleaders. The support I have gotten is so loving and overwhelming. You all believe in me in multiple ways I could not. You all deserve so much, after everything you have given up for me. 

And lastly, to my wonderful fans and club. Thank you for being the most supportive people, Your generosity is outstanding. The games that you come to, cheer on from the sidelines, still supporting despite loses, it means the world. This is why I did what I did for so long, you made it feel like a second family, the ones I could go to when I was away from my own. I have loved meeting all you fans over the years, signing your things, getting photos, watching your faces light up with pure joy and excitement. I cannot wait to meet you guys who are coming along to the fan experience. I am so happy this season went how it went. It was a great send off, and I’ll never forget it. 

So thank you to everyone who has been on this journey with me. I love you all endlessly, TRUHAM BEARS FOR LIFE!.”

I look around the crowd. There are some smiles from the people that knew about this, and some tears from the fans. A few shocked faces as well. I get asked some questions about who will be captain now, which I let everyone know about it being Bailey. He is in shock over this, as it is the first time about him hearing the news. I look over his way and mouth you deserve this Bail.

After the press conference finishes, we stick around and talk to more fans.

“Oh my gosh Nick! Thank you for everything you have done over the years. The club and supporters will miss you” one says 

I chuckle “awh thanks, but I still will show up to some games” I wink and smirk

“I actually need to let you know, you saved my  daughter’s life. For a while she was contemplating ending things. But you saved her.”  the dad says. The girl is a bit emotional as her dad speaks the words for her. She goes on to show me the tattoo I remember drawing for her the last time. This sent chills down my spine. I get goosebumps. As a father myself, hearing the words I saved someone’s baby's life. It means the world, and I can’t comprehend that impact I made on them. I give her a hug, and we get another photo. “Wait a minute” I say to her, and I run to my bag, and grab my jersey. My original one. 

I come back to her and hand it over 

“Here, I won't be needing this, and I have heaps already”

She is in shock, the tears start falling more. 

Are you-” she asks , her hand covers her mouth that dropped open

I am nodding. The fan burst into tears, not knowing what to say.  She gets a few thank you’s in between the small sobs.

Once she leaves, I smile again.

“Nick- that was so generous” Christian says to me. Otis pats my back and I jokingly push him around. 

Before packing up, I look in the distance and see a familiar face. Dad. shit. What could he possibly want.. He walks over to me, and I of course have to be professional. 

“Son. that , that was something” he says. 

I am trying to remain calm. He hasn’t bothered with me in 9 years, so why now? If he thinks that he can have some part in Lyla’s life now, he can think again. 

“Yeah, I finally made the decision”, I say bluntly. I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of him impacting me, that I'm hurt, actually more like I am pissed off. That is the only thing he craves. 

“And what are you going to do in life now?” he asks. 

I make a lie “no clue. I am still living with mum helping her out, because you know, David has grown up and lives with his partner, and well you ditched all of us over 20 years ago. So if I moved away she would have no one” . Ok. maybe that was half a life. 

“David has a partner?” Dad asks back. He raises his eyebrow, surprised to say the least.

Shit, shit shit. I think to myself. I wasn’t meant to say. It just slipped. David didn’t want dad knowing. I feel like the worst brother. 

“Somewhat? Don’t know if they are official” I lie again. Even though David has asked me to help him pick out a ring and has had a few moments of panic into how he will ask for the blessing of Chantell’s parents. 

“Right. And how is your daughter going. She must almost be ready for school? Alexis right?” I roll my eyes, it makes me feel sick he knows nothing.

“To start, she is almost done with primary school, and secondly, her name is Lyla. it really goes to show what type of  a grandparent you are” 

“Well where is she now” 

Silence. We are now alone, as the rest of them all left so we could have one on one time, a bad idea. 

“None of your fucking business” there is anger in my voice

“What, you really want to keep her from me?” his voice is getting more stern

“Don’t play that game. You were the one that cheated on mum, MULTIPLE FUCKING TIMES. You called David a low life cheater, when that happened in his youth. AND you are so bi-phobic. Keep calling me Gay. yes there is nothing wrong with that, but accept me for who I am.” Im getting more and more worked up

“Son- there is no such thing as bisexual. It's either men or women, not both.” He huffs. 

The blood in me is boiling, I want to push him away, call him every name under the sun.

“Well there is, men can love men, men can love women. They can love both. Women can love women, and they can love men, or both. We can love non-binary people, love is love, it is strong, but I guess you wouldn’t understand because you haven’t properly loved anyone. Not the woman you married and swore to love 30 years ago, because you betrayed her and slept with someone else. Not the two sons who are your own damn blood, who you also ditched and had nothing to do with, and when you did, you could only talk to us if an insult was involved in your vocabulary, and you only wanted us to be interested in your interests. You never cared I had a daughter, so no, you can’t give me a talk on what love is. Maybe you need to find it before you can go around saying what it is” I sigh and leave. 

—

Charlie: 

“And yea- I left him at that” Nick recalls on the phone. Whilst I am not there for him , I can still sense the pain and hurt in his voice and actions. His voice is shaky. GOSH I just want to hug him, take all the years of pain away, 

“Have you thought of maybe going to therapy?” I suggest. “I still go, talk about life, what is bothering me, and it helps, I do it online, but I can see if they are willing to take on another client, you need a refer but-” 

“Char” Nick cuts me off. “I tried, they all just told me dad and I need to fix the relationship” His voice breaks

“What the hell? Fix a relationship of over 20 years of trauma and hurt? The emotional abuse he put you through?” I am angry with him. 

“Exactly, talking to you is better, you actually listen, understand me and-” 

I laugh, it was an inappropriate time. 

“What Charlie?” he questions. A smirk arises on my face. I'm grinning like a Cheshire cat.

“Next time we meet up, rage room?” I proposed to him.

I fear he is now smirking as wel..

“When are you coming back to Truham?” He asked me.

“I am not entirely sure, I just got back to London today. So not for a while. Why??”

“How about we meet half way on the weekend, a day trip. We both can go to a rage room, let out all the anger, and end the night drunk?” 

“I like your thinking Nelson’ 

We ended the phone call.

My heart skips a beat. I haven’t been insanely drunk since I went to rehab a few years back. I have never told him this aspect of my life. Whilst I wasn’t a complete alcoholic, the pens who get angry when they drink, or start as soon as they get up, I did find myself getting a bit tipsy every now and again when I was upset. Maybe I can have one or two drinks, and the rest non-alcoholic drinks. I made a pledge to myself all those years ago that I would only have a maximum of 2 drinks, 3 if I was wanting to be a little risky. But what would he think of me? Would he think I'm lightweight, no fun? The thoughts in my head start spiralling again. I also lied to Nick on the phone when I mentioned therapy. I haven’t gone in months. 

The self doubt mixed with the self consciousness about what Nick will think is making me overwhelmed. I get my laptop out and go to email my therapist, seeing if I can book an appointment for tomorrow, that way I can talk about everything before the weekend. My court case , the final one of agreement over Emmy, is coming up quickly, so there is a lot on my mind.

—

Flashback: the night of the fight.

Charlie:

 400 days, 9,600 hours, 57600 minutes, 13 months since I last saw my baby girl. I have no idea why Laura keeps hiding her from me, keeping me away from her life. Laura doesn’t understand that not only is it hurting me, but it is also hurting Emery. I missed out on Emmy’s first and second birthday, yet somehow a month after her 2nd, Laura is, and I quote, Allowing me to see her? I question everything. We are meeting up at the park, a public space, because again, Laura doesn’t trust me. I get it, I haven’t had Emmy in my care alone since she was born. so , in a parental way, I see why Laura doesn’t want me to be alone, but at the same time, I can be trusted, she is my daughter as well. 

When I get to the park, my mind is racing. Will Emmy recognise me? Will she think I am a complete stranger? Has Laura told her about me? When I found out about Laura cheating on me, or should I say when she confessed the secret, I was pissed. but , we both made an agreement that once the baby was born,we would have equal custody. or, I would have her half the year, Laura for the other half, rotating weeks. Those one week with me, one with Laura turned into me always having her whilst Laura slept around and partied, forgetting to pick her up when it was her week, and then turned into me only having her every other weekend, to every second week, and now where we are, haven’t seen  her in over a year.

I smile when I see my daughter’s face, she has grown up so much.she is looking more and more like a toddler.  Yet, she probably doesn’t even know her existence yet. 

“Mummy, who is that?’ Emmy says. My gut turns, I feel sick. 

She doesn’t even recognize me. 

“He is your dad!” Laura says back.

In a child’s mind, they make friends instantly, so she comes over to me and gives a massive hug. Oh how I have missed this. 

“Hey stinker! I have missed you a lot” I say, Emmy letting go of the hug, but wrapping her tiny hand around my finger. 

“Let’s play in the park!’ She is now pulling me, and I follow along.

We play on the swing set a bit, go down the slide and she pushes me down a few times as well. 

We are laughing, having a great time. 

After playing for a while, we sit back down on the bench Laura is at. She packed snacks for Emmy, so I now have my daughter sitting on my lap, munching away at a packet of crackers and raisins. . 

“Laura- listen” I try to communicate.

“I don’t want to hear it Charlie. No excuses” why is she being like this? What have I done?

“Hear what? That I want to be in this one's life” I kiss Emmy’s head.

Laura gets up and picks Emmy up off my lap. 

“Charlie- no” she sternly says before walking off.

I see the saddened look in Emmy’s eyes, she waves goodbye, with her small lips curling. 

I wave goodbye back with a kiss.

That night I sat alone in my house. Is it even a home anymore? I describe a home to be where you feel loved, you are surrounded by those that you call your home. That was meant to be Emmy, but now she has been pulled back away from me again.

The sounds of the outside echo the surroundings. It makes it feel less lonely. I can hear laughter coming down the street, the sound of the cars driving past, slowly fading in the distance. The Christmas lights from around my neighbours are shining, flashing all hues of Christmas and love. 

I am about to start my night routine to hop into bed, and scroll through the article I have written. Re-reading for the billionth time, questioning if It is good enough to send to my publisher. It is ironic that I do so, given I read my students’ work, giving them the green light that if they are happy, they can submit it for grading. The way I self run a small publishing company, having clients send in their work. Yet I doubt my own. Is it a sign that I give my all to others, but not to myself? 

I dream of one day, going on a book tour, talking about my book ‘The ancient times of the LGBTQIA+- ways, are we going backwards as a society?’ I put my whole heart and soul into this. I went to many Pride celebrations of the course of a few years, here in London, Truman, Leeds, and overseas. How it has changed, or stayed the same. I did hours upon hours of research into politics, the ways they viewed our community. That we started off with legislations being not allowed, that same sex marriage wasn’t seen as an offical marriage, to it being approved and allowed, but now in today’s times, Trans indiviuals aren’t seen as human? That we need to fight for gay, trans, bi rights? 

Just as I finish reading, there is a knock on the door. I walk down the stairs, peeking out the window. Laura,

I open it, and she is already letting me know she is pissed. 

C: What have I supposedly done now Laura?

L: What haven’t you done Charles. Emmy has spent the night crying because of you. She misses you

C: Then let me fucking see her. 

L: Oh, don’t play victim. 

C: i’m not..you were the one that kept her away from me, I sent you MILLIONS of messages trying to see her. I sent her birthday cards, christmas cards, I wanted to send her chocolate because of easter- yet no. you threw everything out, making it seem as though I wanted no part in her life.

L; That isn’t the truth and you know it

C: IT IS! AND WHERE IS SHE NOW? OHH LET ME GUESS. HOME ALONE

L: No- with my partner

C: So it's alright for you to allow her to stay with whoever, but me? I wasn’t even allowed to take her to Tori’s? 

L:  ITS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT 

C: How/??? I do not understand you some ways

L: Listen, I only came here to mention to you about custody. 

C: Let me guess, you want full-

L; No- you can have her alright? Full custody. I will drop her off tomorrow. On Monday we have an appointment with the counselor and the family court to sign the agreements. 

C: Why now??? 

L: If you care, I- I got told by CPS that I need to find someone to take care of her full time, she isn’t with my partner. She is in the foster system, today was only a day visit. She got taken away from me when she was found home alone for a few days. So this is my only option. It was either you- or a random family. 

At that point I am crying. I knew she couldn’t be trusted. But I am glad she is choosing me

C: I am so pissed, but at the same time, annoyed, I have so many questions. I don’t want to ask.  When do I get to have her move in?

L: Tonight? They said that If I found someone before tomorrow,  then it would be fine. 

C: Well where do I go?? 

Before I know it, we are in the same car- Laura is driving to this house where Emmy’s foster parents are , and where she is staying. 

As we talk to them, and Emmy’s case worker, all I can think about is how am I going to parent her? What will the future look like. After a while, Emmy and I hop back in my car, Laura said she will find her own way home. 

Emmy is confused by the whole thing, poor darling. 

Once we got back to mine, I showed Emmy her room, I always kept a spare room filled with little girls dolls,dresses and clothes, books, pjs and teddies in case I ever got to have her again.

Instead of sleeping in her room, we lay on the lounge for a bit, both falling asleep curled up to each other.

—- 

present : 

I decided the best idea would be to talk to Nick about my life, the drinking, the custody battle agreement with how I managed to get Emmy back, but then Laura changed and was allowed to have custody, then how the past few months Emmy has been in between mine and Laura’s care. But I just don’t want to say it over a phone call or text, So I will wait until the rage room…

Chapter Text

Nick: 

The receiving love and support from those that were in the crowd the day of my retirement announcement were nothing but amazing. They all knew it was a reason, and were all very supportive of Bailey becoming captain, and all gave him a warm welcome.

It is the messages I am receiving that are making me sick, questioning everything.

I read all of them, yet every word became a blur.

messages

“You betrayed us nelson”

“So you can leave to be a single bi father???”

“I feel sorry for your family and child”

“I heard you aren’t working now for a while? Disappointment”

“Oh, so you can finally father your child instead of your mother??” 

There are HUNDREDS. Some are even death threats. After contemplating for a while, I deleted all social media, deactivate my accounts. I promised Lyla a holiday to Australia before our annual Nelson Menorca holiday trip. I booked a last minute ticket.

“HEY LYLA” I smile, she runs up to me. I was out all day, looking at smallish apartments, grocery shopping, and other adult chores.

“Daddy!!” She squeezes me tightly. “Did you get cookies?” Her ears prick up, giving me a puppy dog look.” 

Oh, well hello to you too” I laugh. "And yes I did” I handed her the packet. “But only one, Nanna has dinner on!”

I go into the kitchen and kiss mum on the head, placing the grocery bags on the ground. She goes to unpack them, but I give her a look, and point to the lounge. I pour her a glass of wine, and Lyla carefully walks it over to her. 

After unpacking everything, I head up for a shower, and then quickly pack Lyla and Ibs bags, heading downstairs with them.

“What's this daddy?” she asks curiously

“The trip to Australia I promised you!” She starts smiling and jumping up and down, not being able to contain her excitement. 

“Wait wait when???” she squeals.

“Tomororw” She squeals more. Mum looks imprest but shocked.

“How about you go and find your favourite comfy outfit for the long flight!’ I tell her, and she trots off.

“Nicky-” mum knows about the hate. She looks concerned.

“Mum, it's fine. I promise” I will reassure her.

We left for the airport quite early in the morning, so we said most of our goodbyes last night before bed. I got up earlier than Lyla so I could properly wake up to drive. The whole drive to London airport, Lyla was asleep.

We got through security fine, and now we are waiting to board. This will be Lyla’s first ever long flight, the only ones she has ever been on was to Paris and Italy.

I check my phone, and see a million messages from Charlie. I don’t answer. I get he is probably worried, but I just need time away from everything. I am only going to use my phone for messaging mum with updates on the holiday with photos. No one else will be contacted.

Charlie:

It's 8am. I wake to a million messages from Olivier asking if I know what is wrong with Nick. I have no clue what he is on about, until all the screenshots of every account he had was deactivated. Shit. shit. Shit. 

I went onto my profile, and found nothing.

I know he got some hate comments, but I didn't know how bad it was. I tried calling. Straight to voicemail. My heart is racing a million miles. I don’t have any of his other contacts in order to see if he is alright, so there goes that option. I am sure if anything, his mum and family would be the first to go to the police. 

“Charlie?’ Tori calls from downstairs. 

I head down. Still half asleep, still worried. 

“Yeah?’ My voice is shaky, on the verge of breaking down.

“I’m sure if it was anything serious, you would find out straight away” Tori tries to reassure me. I guess Olivier filled her in.

“Yeah, but- his phone went straight to voicemail, he has gone off all socials. What if I did something wrong? And now he has blocked me and all of you-” 

“Whats his phone number?’ Tori asks. 

I get her phone, and dial his number. Still goes straight to voicemail. It gives some relief that he hasn't blocked me as he doesn’t know Tori’s phone number, so he couldn’t have blocked her there. 

“Does his mum have facebook?” Michael comes up with. 

“OH YES!” I grab my laptop, forgetting she added me a few weeks ago. And I message her.

Messages:

Charlie:

Hey Sarah, just wondering, is Nick alright? He has gone off all socials and phone going straight to voicemail.. I'm worried. Sorry..,

Sarah: 

Oh didn’t he tell you? The hate got a bit much so he wants to be off socials for a while. He promised Lyla a trip to Australia , so I guess he booked a last minute ticket to go, he only booked last night and they left. Gosh knows what time aha. Im sure he will message and call soon, he is probably in the air xxx

I sigh with relief

Charlie:

Oh- that's right. He did mention a holiday… I am so sorry.

I just didn’t want to assume the worst, but that's all my mind went to.

Sarah:

Don’t be sorry love, its understandable xxx

OFF MESSAGES

I am glad he is alright. I fill Tori and Michael in, and they are glad too.

Hopefully when he lands he will call back. 

I decided to get ready for the day, and have a fun day with Emmy, just us. 

I still have no clue where we were going, I guess I will just drive wherever. “Emmy, back your day trip bag!” I shout from down the stairs, there is no doubt she will be playing in her room. Not even a minute after yelling, she runs down with the bag.

“Woah- that was quick” I nudged her a bit, playfully.

“Daddy, I already had it packed still from Paris” she rolls her eyes.

I give her the side eye, the father's look of ‘don't roll your eyes at me’. In response, she pokes her tongue out, to which I poke my tongue out back.

We said goodbye to Tori and Michael, as Olivier was at work, which he surprisingly got very quick given he only moved to London 2 weeks ago. 

Heading out to the car, Emmy gives me her bag as usual, whilst she climbs into the car and in her car seat. She buckles herself up, and I hand her the bag again, full of car ride entertainment such as her Ipad, a sketch book and some pencils, and snacks. I only ever allow the Ipad to go with us on long trips, and since I have no idea where we will be stopping, today is an exception to the rule. 

I shut her car door, and make my way to the drives side, buckling myself in, turning the car on, followed by the radio to our favourite station,

“Daddy, my butt hurts” she groans and wriggles. We have been driving for 2 hours, so I decide to pull over.

“How about we see what fun stuff is here?” I ask. She nods her head and unbuckles once the car is turned off. 

We look around at the different shops that surround us. There is a small bookshop that we both spent at least an hour in. It was very cozy and warm, some of the books were second hand, giving thrifted bookshop vibes. We both walked out with a few books each and were satisfied with what we got. I of course got a lot of academia and greek literature books, some ancient history ones, but I also got some books that should help Emmy be prepared for school, you know, the usual spelling, writing and math. 

On the other hand, Emmy got a lot of picture books, dog man, and the bad guys. 

I am a little afraid in that sense, as she is still reading below her age level. I have read online, after doom scrolling the internet that every parent goes to when they think there is something not right with their child. A lot of the results came back with learning difficulties, dyslexia being another. I have no idea how I would manage to help her if she did have Dyslexia as it is something I never have seen in the family or have myself. 

The next shop we ended up in was a clothing store, filled with all cute kids clothing.

This was a mistake, as I am a simp when it comes to cute clothing for Emmy, resulting in us walking out with a few bags of new clothes. 

“Daddy?” she looks up

“Yes?” I look down at her. 

“Why don’t you buy yourself something?” she asks. 

“I did, the books!” I reassure her

“Yes, but more. You brought me a lot”. She gets her kid's wallet out, that probably has a few couch coins in. 

“Buy something from me daddy!” She is now handing me the wallet. 

I can’t help but get a bit watery at this gesture. I shake my head, and move her hand away. 

“it is ok bubby” I let her know. “If I want something, I can buy it myself, but thank you so much” I add on.

“Finnnneee” she drags out. 

Another hour of shopping later we head back to the car to head home. Before we know it, we are pulling in the driveway, and Emmy is excited to show everyone what she got. 

As I open the front door, she races in, screaming for Tori and Michael. 

“And where did you go today?” Michael asks Emmy.

“Uh- where again Daddy?” she looks at me, for reminding

“Croydon!” I say this to her.

“Oh I heard it is meant to be nice? Was it?” Tori asks.

“YESS!” Emmy cheerfully lets out. 

We all laugh, and before we know it, she is running upstairs to put on all her new clothes for a fashion show. 

12 outfits later, we all clap as she does her last bow, Michael cheers and Tori is showing her proud, happy aunt face. 

I am smiling as well, trying to fathom the fact my baby girl is growing quicker than what I would like her too. 

Nick: 

We are still in the air, we have another 9 hours to go until we land in Sydney. A few hours ago, Lyla fell asleep with her head resting on my shoulder, some of her hair covering my mouth that I lightly had to move before suffocating. My arm is half dead, but I don’t want to move as this will wake her, but I also badly need to pee, which I have needed to for the past hour.

She finally wakes up, and moves her head. I sigh in relief. 

“What?’ she asks.

“I need to go to the bathroom, I didn’t want to wake you” I smile at her, and kiss her head. I get up and quickly head off.

When I return, I see she has gotten into the snack bag. I packed some to give to her, keeping her entertained throughout. Guess I didn’t really need to after she slept a lot of the way. About 30 minutes later, she needs to go to the toilet, so I get up again. I watch her walk in, and stand outside the door, I hear it flush, and then the tap turns on. She has trouble with the door, which I laugh at given she keeps locking and unlocking herself in. I knew it was a dodgy lock from when I went, that’s why I told her to keep it unlocked and that I won’t let anyone but me near the door. 

“Lyla, turn towards you, so it’s green on my side” I tell her. She does this, and I open the door.

“Better?” I ask.

She nods “better” 

We head back to our seas, followed shortly by the tea lady coming through. Lyla gets apple juice and some crackers and cheese, and for me I get wine and some nuts. 

“This is my adult apple juice, the kid friendly version” she says.

I, and a few other people around us laugh at this. “And is it yummy?” I ask her

“Very” she starts to sip at the juice again. 

Time skip

We are now landing in Sydney, it is around 6am for us. Lyla jokes about the day just starting again for adventures, but I let her know that we will not be exploring today, It will be a rest in the hotel day to adjust to the new time zone. 

Once we leave the airport and get to the hotel, she jumps onto the bed, full of beans. 

I lay on my bed, even though I know we both will be sharing this whole time, so what’s the point in having 2? Today will be a mission to keep Lyla awake, as I look at my watch, and it's showing its 2am for our original time. 

I look at my phone, and see I have a gazillion missed calls and messages from Charlie.

Home screen reads: 

Charlie:

Nick, I’m seriously worried…

Charlie:

I know the hate has gotten a lot, but please at least answer me.

Charlie:

Nick- why have you deactivated all socials???

IRL

I can’t believe I have done this to Charlie. I message him back: Hey, sorry if this wakes you, I'm in a different time zone. I totally forgot to let you know I was leaving for Australia today, well, to be fair I didn’t even know until the other night when I spontaneously brought the tickets ahah. I'm so sorry for worrying you, but everything is ok. And fuck ‘em. I don’t care about the hate to be entirely fair with you. They obviously have nothing better to do in their free time than to send hateful messages… Anyways. Sorry for the inconsistent messages back, Not meaning to.

I put my phone back down, I have already broken the rule of messaging and being in contact with no one else besides mum. But, I guess Charlie can be the only exception.

Lyla looks my way, she has bags under her eyes given all the sleep she got on the plane.

I got out a new board game that I brought at the airport from my bag.

“When did you get this?!” her face lights up.

“You know the cute shop next to the park?” 

She nods. “Yeah?” 

“When you were busy playing”. 

We open it up, and spend ages playing. It is Hue’s Clues. A game where we give hints about a certain colour.

About 5 rounds of me winning, Lyla gives in. We pack the game up after I teasingly call her a loser, and she goes to the bathroom to put her swimmers on. We may be in Australia and it is winter, but damn this heat, for us its good enough for a dip in the pool. 

We head downstairs into the lobby, and outside into the pool. She jumps straight in, and I follow. We splash around for a bit, and I dunk her under a few times. She dunks me under as well, shutting my eyes and mouth as it is a public pool. 

Lyla is the first to get out this time surprisingly, as I am always the one to get out first. We are close to this ice cream stand, so I give her a few dollars, and she goes off to buy one, then sits by the poolside watching me do laps, whilst she happily eats away at her Milo ice cream. 

Charlie:

I haven’t been able to sleep all night. I am still worried about Nick. I know Sarah told me it would be fine, he is fine. But until I hear the words for myself, then I'm not believing it.

After a few minutes, or what seems to be a few hours staring off into space I check my phone and see a new message. From Nick. Hey, sorry if this wakes you, I'm in a different time zone. I totally forgot to let you know I was leaving for Australia today, well, to be fair I didn’t even know until the other night when I spontaneously brought the tickets ahah. I'm so sorry for worrying you, but everything is ok. And fuck ‘em. I don’t care about the hate to be entirely fair with you. They obviously have nothing better to do in their free time than to send hateful messages… Anyways. Sorry for the inconsistent messages back, not meaning to.

I have a bigger sigh of relief than what I did when Sarah told me. I have no clue what time it is in Aus, so I did a quick google search. 2PM. 

Good, I can message back. 

Hey- nah you are all good, I am just a natural worrier, I think that worsened becoming a father. IYKYK. Have THE BEST TIME in Australia! 

He is probably too busy doing fun things with Lyla, so of course I don’t expect an instant reply back like he usually does. He deserves this break. Nick told me that for the next few months, aka all of summer, that he will be out travelling for the majority of it. He is doing Australia, Paris, and he says at the end of summer before his little cousins and Lyla go back to school they do an annual Menorca family trip. Apparently they have been doing this same trip since he and his brother David were in school. He also mentioned something about him and David growing apart as they got older, that even from a young age David would bully him. I can’t imagine growing up in a situation like that, I have been lucky enough to have a very close relationship with Tori and she hasn’t been a prick to me ever. Olivier and I did have ups and downs, but mainly a lot of good childhood memories. I think the reason why we did grow apart a bit was because he was always a mama’s boy, he always saw the good in her. He was too young when everything happened with me and mum, all our arguments. When he was finally old enough, I stupidly let out everything criticising mum, and we had a fight about her. And then, when I told him I was moving to London, I said that he was….exactly like mum.