Archive of Our Own ^beta

It was a normal Thursday when they got the news. The yard is letting go of steam completely, finally decommissioning Rusty. Momma got decommissioned a couple of years ago, but they thought that it wouldn’t happen to Rusty for a good while yet, at least a decade. But no, steam is going out of fashion rapidly, and Rusty is too expensive to keep around. Porter is leaving with him, so at least he’s not alone. No one knows how to act around either of them, and the coaches keep looking at them like they’re going to cry. That was expected from Dinah and Pearl, but seeing the tears in Belle's eyes and the choked breath from Tassita catches everyone off guard. Even Greaseball has been less of an insufferable prick recently. It freaks Rusty out more than a little bit, having Greaseball be nice to him, in her own screwed up way. She hasn’t shoved him out of her way, or called him anything mean, or even given him a dirty look, in weeks. That’s a more welcome change, but it still freaks everyone out.

The worst one is Hydra. While Porter is being clung to by Slick and Lumber, Hydra has glued himself to Rusty’s side since Rusty told them the news. They sleep over every night and refuse to go to work, in fear that Rusty will be gone when he comes back. He barely sleeps, lying awake just staring at Rusty, silent tears falling onto the sheets. What is Hydra going to do when Rusty isn’t there anymore? What’s even the point of him staying in the yard, other than Slick and Lumber? Rusty knows that Hydra is scared, but he doesn’t know what to do. He’s scared too, and there’s no comfort. Momma wasn’t scared when it was her time to go, but she’s been around for much longer than he has. She had been around. She’s not here anymore. And next week Rusty won’t be either. He’s going to be taken apart, and his pieces are going to be melted down and used for something more useful. He doesn’t know what’s gonna happen to Porter. No one knows. Porter himself seems strangely at peace with it. He knew that it was going to happen. Everyone knew. No one said anything, if they never said it out loud, it wasn’t real. But it is. They got the date today. On Wednesday they’re going to be shunted off to a different yard, where they’re going to be picked apart. It’s an efficient process, painless. 

It’s Tuesday night. Rusty is sitting in his bed, Hydra holding him tightly. Rusty is crying, and there’s nothing Hydra can say or do to make it better. To console him. To take the pain away. This time tomorrow, Rusty will be dead, and the yard will be full of the imprint that he will leave behind. What can you do, when your life is over? When you can’t run away from danger, because there’s nowhere to run. Wherever he goes, it will be there next to him, breathing down his neck, whispering in his ear. Hydra notices that he’s shaking, barely catching his breath as he’s sobbing. He’s repeating the same thing over and over, it’s hoarse and barely a whisper. 

“I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die, I don’t want to die.”

Hydra holds him a little tighter, crying silently with him. They have to be strong when Rusty can’t be. If he can’t be there, holding Rusty, then no one can. Rusty doesn’t want to die, but he’s not the one deciding his own fate. Momma kept telling him that he was in control of his own fate, that he could be whoever he wanted, do whatever he wanted. But she was lying. She knew that this was coming, even though she didn’t want to admit it to even herself. And now Momma McCoy is a forgotten name, with Rusty soon following. What’s the point of being a champion if you’re just going to be destroyed by something as hollow and empty as a company. Rusty didn’t even participate in any races after that first one. He knew he wouldn’t win again. Everyone still calls him “king of the track”, years after he won. Hydra calls him their champion. 

The sun is coming up. They haven’t slept. How could they, when Rusty is still alive, and Hydra is still able to hold him. The other engine coming to take Porter and Rusty away arrives at noon. The freights have gathered at Rusty’s shed, no one is speaking. If they talk about what’s gonna happen, then it’ll break the carefully crafted peace. If they talk about something else, anything at all, then it’ll feel like they’re lying. Slick is crying. The only time anyone’s ever seen her like this was at her wedding. Even when Momma went, she was the only one to keep it together. Maybe it’s because she’s a mom now. Her and Dinah’s daughter isn’t old enough to understand what’s happening. All she knows is that her whole family is sad, and that her uncle is going away somewhere. She keeps asking when he’s gonna come back. Dinah has tried to explain that he’s not coming back, but she just doesn’t get it. She’s not in the shed with them. Dinah is getting help from the rest of the coaches to take care of her while Slick spends time with her brother and her friend. Slick cries silently, sitting on a kitchen chair in a shed full of furniture that will never be used again. Rusty and Porter sit in between Hydra and Lumber on the couch. Porter is holding Rusty’s hand. They were never quite brothers. But what else are they? Porter is happy that even though he’s going to die today, at least he’s not alone. That was always his worst fear. Dying alone, with no one nearby to mourn. No one to remember the coal fuel truck named Porter, a man who tried to be loyal. A man who was ready to sacrifice everything for his family. A man who never gave up, a man who stayed strong, a man who’s going to die separated from the family he gave everything for.

Rusty doesn’t know what to do with his hands. The engine is arriving in ten minutes. Hydra is refusing to let him go, Lumber and Slick are standing an arms length from Porter, he won’t let them touch him. If they do, he's not going to be able to keep the strong facade he’s put on to help his family feel less broken about what’s going to happen. They know. They know that he’s just as scared as they are. They know that he’s going to die scared, even though he keeps lying about what a relief it’ll be. He’s lived a long life, he just wishes he could see his niece and future niblings grow up. He’s always wanted a big family. Rusty stands stiff as a board, no tears left to cry. Hydra is trying to comfort him, but it’s not doing much. They both know that it’s over soon. Rusty gave him the key to his shed, asking them to water his plants while he’s gone. The plants are made of plastic, he never had a green thumb.

The engine rolls into the yard almost silently. Some shiny anonymous electric. It doesn’t even say hi, just stands, waiting for Porter and Rusty to couple up behind it. Hydra has to be pried off of Rusty, they’re still crying. Porter waves goodbye, Rusty stares at the shiny back in front of him. Right before they take off, he turns back to face Hydra, looking him in the eye.

“I love you.”

Weeks later, two new headstones have been put in the yard cemetery, graves empty. 

Porter McCoy, a loyal man, a friend, a brother. “I’ll see you later.”

Rusty, champion, king of the track, a lover. “I love you.”