Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Tyler awoke drenched in a cold sweat, his shirt clinging uncomfortably to his back and his legs tangled around the tattered blanket he had been given to sleep with. The cold marble floor left his bones feeling stiff, and Tyler let out a labored grunt as he pushed himself up off the floor.
They didn’t care if he was comfortable or if he was sleeping properly; “they” being the bishops, who recently brought Tyler back inside the walls of DEMA after he had escaped.

If anything, they wish I would’ve died out there, Tyler realized.
Sometimes I wish I had, too.

He could still feel the warmth of Josh’s hands lingering on his fingertips as he combed through his disheveled hair.

“I promise I’ll find you, Tyler!”

Tyler recounted the visions of the bishops dragging him away in his dream, Josh’s promise reverberating in his skull and sending a shiver down his spine.

Nico got immeasurable enjoyment out of watching Tyler in agony, though he’s never actually there himself. Tyler could almost hear the laughter bellowing from the bishop as he remembered the dry cracks of a whip colliding with his bare skin the night they found him. Since then, they’ve held him inside a frigid, lifeless cell beneath the city walls, keeping him sedated most of the time like a wild cheetah on display.

Tyler sheepishly looked in the busted mirror propped up in the corner, the only other object in his cell. He knew they kept it in there to mock him.
Cotton candy pink swirls were plastered to his forehead, matted with sweat. Tyler tugged at his cheeks to get a better look at the massive bags under his eyes, unable to tell if they had been bruised or if he just hadn’t slept properly in months.

He did not recognize the person staring back at him.

The bishops had Tyler on a tight leash, as if he were their new pet. Countless times, he had been drugged and sent out on stage to perform some soulless songs the bishops had forced him to write for the people of DEMA. They were all mocking him, too.

At least Josh was with him; the bishops had managed to capture him in the end. But, the only time they’re allowed to see each other is during performances. Tyler hoped they weren’t being harsh on Josh; it was Tyler’s fault for leaving the city and getting caught, not his.

The banditos will never let us back in if they hear this garbage.
But still, Tyler wishes they had heard it. Josh would probably have it worse anyway if they did; after all, he was their leader, their Torchbearer, reduced down to nothing but a show pony.

Tyler had woven subtle hints for the banditos to locate him within the lyrics he had been performing, on the off-chance that someone would come to rescue them.
So much for that.

The door to his cell groaned, and a hooded figure stood outside as it swung open. There stood Keons, one of the nine bishops.

“Get up. You’re going to perform tonight at a party for the Elites.”

Tyler never spoke directly to them. He gave Keons a brief glance and a disheartened nod to show his obedience. He could feel Keons’ eyes piercing through him like daggers; he was sure the bishops all despised him. Tyler returned his gaze to the marble slabs beneath his feet. He was unsure why Nico insisted on keeping him alive in the first place, as were the other bishops. He was just a waste of space anyways.

Suddenly, Tyler was forced to look up and meet Keons’ eyes, and he felt the unmistakable feeling of a bishop’s hand on his jaw, forcing his head up.

“Don’t say a word, okay?”

Tyler nodded, bewildered.

“I really need you to do your best tonight at this party, okay?” Keons scanned Tyler’s face, searching for any sign of rebellion.

“There are more people on your side than you think.”

Before he could even try to formulate a response, Keons released Tyler and the cell door clanged shut behind him. Tyler sat frozen for a few moments.

What the hell was that about? On my side?

Tyler shook his head, trying to erase the unsettling feeling of the bishop’s cold, dry skin on his face. Another concert was the last thing he needed right now, because that meant more sedatives. He wondered if Josh had gotten the same message…

Right, tonight he would see Josh at the performance and ask him what he knows.

☆

Tyler’s vision was hazy, as it always was when he stepped onto the stage. The bodies grinding and churning on the dance floor before him were surrounded by halos of color. Behind him sat Josh at his drum kit, at least Tyler thought, as he turned to shoot him a look. His face was muddled, as it always was when Tyler was with him. This didn’t bother Tyler; he knew it was just a side effect of the drugs.

We need to talk, Tyler tried mouthing to Josh.
Josh said nothing. He never did anymore, not since leaving Trench. Tyler often wondered if the bishops had traumatized him into not speaking – the thought left a sour taste in Tyler’s mouth.

The party was held within an underwater submarine.

As if Tyler didn’t already feel sick to his stomach, he also became increasingly seasick and struggled to swallow back vomit in between verses as he sang.

The duo had completed 6 songs - if they could really be called songs - and now were midway through their most popular: Saturday. This one especially irked Tyler; it felt so unnaturally bubbly and pink, like his hair and the shiny people in DEMA pretending everything was peachy.

He then felt his feet sway beneath him, suddenly lurching forward. He brushed it off as a symptom of his exhaustion and continued performing for the crowd as best he could, remembering his interaction with Keons that morning.

But before he knew, shards of glass surged into the back of Tyler’s neck as the ship was pummeled by an unknown mass. Losing balance, Tyler fell forward and his feet were swept from under him as the waves rushed into the submersible, filling the space around him with salty seawater mixed with blood from his wounds. Tyler peered over his arms as he covered his head; a blue dragon with glowing yellow eyes lunged forward and landed another blow on the submarine, as if to ensure it would not be recoverable.

Fuck, where is Josh?

As the submersible filled with water, Tyler frantically churned through the waves battering against his legs, threatening to pull him under. His eyes burned from the salt, and his ears felt like they were about to burst, but the only thing on his mind was rescuing his friend.
But no matter how much he wanted, rather needed, Josh, there was no sign of him, and it became increasingly clear that Tyler was running out of time.

Eyes brimming with tears, Tyler escaped the submarine in a frenzy, but whilst he desperately tried to swim to the surface despite the strong sedative pounding through his veins, he knew he was fighting a losing battle. The halo of colors in his vision was replaced by a dark vignette closing in around him, and his limbs suddenly felt like anvils weighing him down with each stroke.

Tyler felt the last of the oxygen being crushed out of his lungs as the last remnants of his consciousness escaped him.

Chapter Text

Yellow eyes…

Tyler faintly remembered something he had picked up from another incident in DEMA: those who were being seized by the bishops had yellow eyes!

But who would do this? Would someone really betray Nico?

“There are more people on your side than you think..”

Breaking from his dazed state, Tyler sat bolt upright and spewed salty water from his mouth in a frenzied attempt to clear his lungs from the blockage. Saliva and sea water ran down his chin and dripped from his nose as Tyler shakily gulped down his first breath of frozen air - the chill of this new place burned in his chest as he regained consciousness.

Where the hell am I?

He peered out at the vast sea before him, kicking the sand from his lower half that had partially submerged him beneath the shoreline. His wounds felt like they were on fire as he ran his sand-coated hand down the back of his neck, pulling out small shards of glass as he went.

Keons..

Tyler’s eyes widened.

..Josh!

Frantically pushing himself up, Tyler started searching the rubble and beach debris for any sign of Josh.

“Josh!” Tyler breathlessly called out as he gambled about along the shoreline. “Josh! Are you here Josh?!”

Nothing.

“Josh! Hey, say something!”

Silence.

For hours, Tyler aimlessly wandered around this frigid, unfamiliar land looking for Josh. All Tyler had known for the past several months were frigid, unfriendly surroundings, and once again, he had found himself in the same kind of place, even though he finally made it out of DEMA.

The prospect of the darkness swallowing up Josh made Tyler want to throw up again, and he promptly collapsed on the floor of the shallow cavern he was searching.
The chill of this continent was sinking into his bones, making him shiver erratically.

“Josh..” Tyler whimpered through chapped lips, aching to feel the warmth of his touch just one more time. Josh always felt so warm in Trench…

Tyler felt a sudden prod on his shoulder, and his eyes flew open to reveal a small, pointy-eared creature staring curiously down at his pathetic state. Startled, Tyler scampered backwards, quizzically eyeing this thing before him. Its eyes were pitch black but strangely gentle.

Tyler held out a hand to the creature, hoping to further confirm that it was non-threatening. The creature walked forward and rubbed its head gently against his hand, and Tyler breathed a sigh of relief.

“Hey, uh.. Can you speak?” Tyler hesitantly asked the unknown being.

It turned its head to the side in response, but said nothing.

“Um… I’ll take that as a no, then. I’m Tyler.”

The creature blinked slowly and abruptly sprinted away into the depths of the cavern.

Tyler was speechless for a moment before standing up and venturing into the cavern after it.

“Hey, don’t go! Wait!” Tyler called out as he chased the creature.

As he rounded a corner, Tyler was met with the warm orange glow of a campfire, along with several of the same strange lifeforms surrounding it.
“Woah.” Tyler gasped.

The creature that had found Tyler motioned for him to sit down beside it, with the others watching him hopefully. He couldn’t really say no to the idea of being warm and dry, so he happily obliged.

“Hey, you guys are pretty cute, huh?” Tyler chuckled, even though he knew they couldn’t understand him.

The one beside him handed him a rusty cup full of a clear liquid.
“What is this?”

Tyler looked around and saw several of the creatures taking drinks from cups of their own. He looked down into his own cup, slightly put off by the rusty rim. The smell wafting from the cup was also less than desirable, but Tyler hadn’t had anything to drink or eat all day, and after the events of the crash, he knew he needed to refuel if he ever wanted to find Josh.

Here goes..

Tyler took a sip from the cup and choked it down, coughing as he finished.

“Oh god, what the hell was that?” he asked the creature.

The creature shoved the cup towards his face once more in response.

It tastes like chlorine, I don’t want this!

Tyler hesitantly took another drink, bigger this time, and felt a sharp stinging on his lips. Upon touching a fingertip to it, he saw blood left behind on his finger.

I must’ve cut my lip on the rust. Perfect.

Not wanting to be rude to the creatures for their hospitality, he smiled politely and quietly drank the rest of the liquid from the cup, hiding his true feelings.

Tyler handed the cup back to his new little friend, “I think I’m going to call you Ned.”
The creature blinked slowly and wiggled its ears, and Tyler laughed.

After enjoying the warmth of the fire and some company, Tyler felt a lot calmer and ready to start searching again.

As he headed for the mouth of the cave, Ned followed behind him.

“No, buddy, you can’t follow me this time. I have to get back to Trench, or at least find Josh.”
Ned revealed its paws from behind its back, and clutched in them were a pair of antlers it held out for Tyler to take. Tyler then noticed the antlers that once grew from Ned’s head were now replaced with two nubs, like a baby deer.

“What’s this?”
Tyler accepted the antlers from Ned and looked around to see that the other creatures had surrounded the pair. They made a motion with their paws, indicating for him to do the same with the antlers. Hesitantly, Tyler mimicked the gestures…

His eyes shot open, and before him was hard, marble flooring and the bottoms of several red robes. He stood up off the floor and found himself surrounded by the nine bishops.

Am I.. am I seizing someone right now?

Suddenly aware of his power, Tyler gets the body he is controlling to start dancing in front of the bishops, finally getting his chance to mock them back.
He was only able to destroy one of their neon lights before being released from the vessel.

Tyler is back in his own body, quick to realize what just happened.

Finally, I have a leg up on them! Finally, I can-

Almost as abruptly as the seizing had begun, Tyler becomes viciously aware of the feeling of his own bones and collapses to the sand. His stomach twists and churns in knots, and every vein in his body feels like it’s going to explode.

“Oh god, what’s going on-” Tyler cries before his body explodes into convulsions, and two antlers begin to sprout from his head. Gasping for air, he holds out a hand to Ned with blurred vision, watching as the hand held out before him turns black, and checking his other hand only to see the same.
“What’s happening to me!?” he screams in pain.

After another few minutes, Tyler fell silent.
..
Is it over..?

Tyler stood up and hobbled over to the sea to see his reflection. Peering back at him was what seemed to be a half-demon instead of the person he once was, with antlers jutting from his head, and his neck completely black, along with his hands. The brown eyes he once knew were now pitch black, and long, pointed ears with black tips framed his face on either side.

What..

He frantically stripped down, noticing his legs were also now black, all the way up to his thighs. Bracing the frigid water, Tyler plunged into the sea in an attempt to scrub it away. His hands felt rough against his skin as he violently rubbed them against his neck and legs, to no avail.

The water in this new place is cold enough to make someone catch hypothermia in a matter of minutes, and he couldn’t risk being immobilized.
Once he realized all was for naught, Tyler scrambled to the shore.

He returned his focus to the creatures watching him along the beach.
A creeping realization snuck up in Tyler’s mind upon giving them another look.

I look like one of them..! The horns, the ears, oh God..

“Ned,” Tyler growled as he approached the creature, “what did you do to me?”
The creature only blinked in response before slowly returning to the cave with the rest of its family.

Defeated, Tyler fell to his knees.
In that moment, all he could think of was Josh.
How could he possibly face the Torchbearer now?

What have I become? I’m sorry..

Chapter Text

Tyler was always hungry anymore. Food didn’t satisfy his new body (not that there was much to go around here), and all he wanted was the taste of chlorine, though he never could quite get used to the feeling.
Yet, it was the only thing that offered him so much as a sliver of energy. Everything else he tried to eat tasted odd and left him feeling just as drained, and somehow even more ravenous. The creatures lived on chlorine, so Tyler figured he would now have to, too.

Every day, snow would fall and the wind would bluster, flattening Tyler’s long ears against his head. At night, he slept in the cave with the other creatures like Ned, lest he freeze to death outside.

When traveling on the island, one must keep out of sight on the open plains. Ned’s family was friendly, fortunately for Tyler. Further inland, however, massive beasts and ghastly brutes roamed, and they wouldn’t be so kind as to offer him the same grace.
The clothes Tyler wore on the night of the party were tattered and offered little protection from the elements, so he resorted to making his own clothing from animal pelts he stripped from fresh carcasses left behind by the beasts.

It has been two years since Tyler landed on this island.
Maybe even longer, who knows? The days all blur together anymore.

Tyler never found Josh.
At this point, Josh might as well be dead, but he won’t admit that to himself. Not really. Nor did he care about returning to Trench anymore, either.

Tyler never went near the water anymore. Aside from the fact that it reminds him of the day he lost Josh, he can no longer stand his reflection. He always hated his reflection in DEMA; it just showed him how much they could use him as a puppet without him fighting back.

But now, he wasn’t even human anymore. The freedom he wanted so bad – to go back to Trench, to lie beside Josh like he used to – will now forever be just another memory.

Josh could never love a monster. Who can blame him for not coming back for me?

It was late spring on the island now, and Tyler could feel the difference in the warmth of the wind as it carried the promise of summer. The winters here were brutal, but he managed to survive in the depths of the caverns with Ned.

Spring on the continent of Trench was always unbelievably beautiful; the yellow flowers were bountiful, and the way the breeze brushed the tall grass down like an endless field of golden fur always mesmerized Tyler. Memories of the seasons he spent with Josh in Trench kept his heart warm despite the frozen ground.

One spring evening in Trench, the two had snuck away from the bandito campsite and made their way over to the shoreline of the Paladin Strait.

Ironically, the same body of water that borders this hell-hole, Tyler thought.

-

The water had been chilly, but the boys didn’t seem to mind.

Tyler revelled in the outline of Josh glowing beneath the moonlight, how his muscles rippled beneath his freckled, tan skin. Josh slowly removed his top and his baggy pants before catching Tyler staring.

“Join me, please. I don’t wanna feel weird here.” Josh said shyly.

Tyler felt the blood rush to his face; “Oh, yeah. Sorry,” he replied as he followed in Josh’s footsteps. Tyler folded his clothes neatly next to Josh’s on the beach.
He could feel Josh’s eyes slowly making their way up his figure, getting to know every tattoo and scar as he stood so openly before him.

“Torch, I-”

“Tyler, you can call me Josh,” he interrupted.

“Right, yeah. Josh.” Tyler became suddenly afraid to tell Josh his original thought.

“What is it?”

Tyler looked away; he couldn’t meet Josh’s eyes.

“Let’s jump in!” Tyler said with a forced laugh, pretending that was his original sentiment all along.
We’re just here to swim, that’s all. I don’t want to embarrass myself here..

Wasting no time, Josh grabbed his hand and ran with him into the waves. The chill of the water in late May shocked their skin, but felt incredibly refreshing at the same time.

“Fuck that’s so cold!” Josh exclaimed. The corners of his eyes bunched together when he smiled, and Tyler found himself unable to look away this time. His deep brown eyes reflected the stars better than the ocean they were swimming in, and Tyler was drowning in them.

Josh came in closer, snapping him out of his trance.

“Hey,” Josh rasped, “I want you to know that I’m so glad you’re safe. I’m glad to be someone you want to share your freedom with.”

His breath was hot on Tyler’s face, and suddenly the water didn’t seem so cold anymore.

“Yeah, you uh, you mean a lot to me, Josh.”

Goosebumps prickled on Tyler’s arms, and not just because of the chilly water.

Josh smiled again before tackling Tyler and bringing them both underwater.

Tyler swam back up quickly, full of laughter.

“Hey, what was that for?” he said, playfully splashing Josh.

-

Tyler was happily replaying this memory as he lounged in the underbrush, as he did often, when he was abruptly pulled back into reality by the sound of a voice.

He sat up quickly. Years had gone by on this continent without so much as a peep from anyone but himself. The creatures surely didn’t speak, either.

“Hello! Is anyone here?” the voice repeated, more clearly this time.

Yes, finally!

Tyler leapt from his hiding place out into the open, desperate to find whoever was shouting.

“Over here!!” called Tyler.

The voice was replaced by the sound of footsteps approaching.

Yes, yes. Thank God. I’m saved.

Upon opening his eyes from his short mental prayer, Tyler found himself face-to-face with a spear, the blade almost touching the tip of his nose.

Tyler froze, careful not to get impaled, and trailed his eyes upward to see who was wielding the weapon.

The man wore a black knit hat, black winter attire, and a yellow bandana covering his nose and mouth. Brown curls poked out from beneath the hat, his deep brown eyes glinting with distrust as he glared at Tyler.

“Hey, I’m not a threat, please don’t hurt me, I need he-”

“Why should I listen to you, demon?” the man rumbled, cutting Tyler off.

Tyler’s heart sank to his stomach; he knew that voice more than anyone else.

“J-Josh..?”

Chapter Text

The man pulled down his bandana to reveal the face of the person Tyler’d been playing on repeat in his memory every day for the past few years.

“How do you know my name?”

Tyler started to stand up slowly, before Josh thrust the blade until it dug slightly into his cheek, forcing him back down.

“Ah, nope, stay right there. I will kill you. Answer my question,” he growled.

“Josh, it’s me! It’s Tyler!”

Josh flinched upon hearing his name, and then promptly swung his spear with the intent to hit Tyler square in the chest, but missed and only grazed it.

“Do not speak that name to me right now,” Josh lunged forward and pinned Tyler to the ground by the neck with one hand, spear still pointed at his head with the other.

“What did you do to him?” Josh barked, eyes blazing.

Tyler could almost taste the hostility emanating from Josh.

This isn’t fair.. I waited all this time..

Tyler’s pitch black eyes filled with tears as he realized the person he’d been waiting for for years no longer recognized him. Just as he had feared.

“Josh, it’s really me, it’s Tyler, I promise! I know I look different but I can explain-”

“Don’t lie to me!! There is no way he’s still alive!” Josh cried out.

“I’m serious! Just listen to me! Do I look like I’m putting up a fight?!” Tyler pleaded.

Something like pity flashed across Josh’s face – maybe he could see the hurt in his opponent’s eyes – and he loosened his grip.

“Josh,” Tyler whispered, “Listen to the sound of my voice, please. Can’t you tell who I am?”

Josh removed the hand from Tyler’s throat as his spear fell from his grasp and clattered against the ground. His gaze softened a bit before standing and offering Tyler a hand to stand with. Tyler accepted the offer, and before he could regain his footing, he was pulled tight against the Torchbearer’s chest.

“Tyler, oh my God, I thought I lost you,” Josh mumbled into the crook of Tyler’s neck.

The warmth pouring from the Torchbearer was overwhelming, and Tyler could feel several years’ worth of frost thawing within his chest. Oh, how Josh made his heart ache.

Tyler pulled from the hug first, placing his charcoal-colored hands against Josh’s cheeks.

“What are you doing here? How did you know where to find me?”

Josh chuckled half-heartedly, placing his hands over Tyler’s. “I.. didn’t know. I had certainly hoped, though.”
Tyler smiled ear to ear for the first time in who knows how long – honestly, he was convinced he had forgotten how.

“We’ve searched for you for a long time, Tyler. Eventually the others gave up hope, but I never did. I came here on my own in a last-ditch attempt at finding something, anything that might lead me to you.”

Something about what he just said rubbed Tyler the wrong way.

They.. gave up on me?

But the others didn’t seem to matter as much right now; all Tyler wanted was Josh. His light, his Torch.

“I’ve been waiting for this,” Tyler whispered.

“But Tyler…” Josh began, slightly uneasy. “What.. what happened to you? I mean, why do you look like this? Did the bishops do this?”

Tyler shook his head.

“No, it wasn’t DEMA,” Tyler said as he stood up, grabbing Josh’s hands and pulling him up with him. “There’s something I have to show you.”

☆

Josh gasped as he scanned the crowd of little aliens hiding in the cave.

Ned made its way forward and held out its arms while blocking Tyler from Josh, as if trying to protect him.

“Tyler, what are these guys?”

Tyler patted Ned’s head, “It’s okay, he’s a friend. Don’t be scared.”

Ned cocked its head to the side and skeptically approached Josh. He held his hand out slowly for Ned to inspect. The little creature sniffed at his thick gloves, something it had never seen before, before rubbing its head against them.

“They’re super friendly! I don’t really know what they are, though,” Tyler explained, rubbing a hand on the back of his head.

“Okay,” Josh replied, “but that doesn’t explain why you look like them.”

“I know, there’s something else important I have to tell you,” Tyler said, motioning for Josh to sit down. He obliged, slightly unnerved.

“I turned into this.. thing,” Tyler hissed, “because these guys gave me the power to seize using their antlers. Like the bishops do.”

The Torchbearer looked like a deer in headlights; the blood drained from his face.

“You did what now?” he said in disbelief.

“I know it’s hard to believe, but the day I arrived here, this one – I call it Ned – gave me its antlers and gestured for me to hold them out in front of me.”
It felt like thorns were growing around Tyler’s throat as he explained the pain he endured, pricking at his skin as he fought back tears.
“I-I opened my eyes and I was there, inside the bishops’ tower. I think someone betrayed Nico, and I took over their body after he.. after he killed them.”
Tyler squeezed his eyes shut, the memory of the events following the crash flooding back to him.
“And after the seizing was over, I turned into this monster, and I’ve been hiding in this cave ever since..”

Yeah, I look real threatening to the bishops now. I’m so pathetic.

Tyler couldn’t pinpoint the look on Josh’s face. He was eyeing him up and down, as if trying to understand what he was looking at.

The two were silent for what seemed like an eternity as Josh continued to process the information he had just been force-fed. The silence was eating Tyler alive.

“Josh, I’m really sorry you had to find me like this. I’m sure I’m hideous, I never wanted it to be this way, I-”

Josh broke his silence, “Hey, what? No, no Tyler. I was just caught off guard to see you.. changed so much.” He rubbed his hands over his face a few times, “No, this is just.. a lot to take in.”

Tyler breathed a slight sigh of relief, although not entirely convinced. Josh’s tone felt a bit incisive, like he was masking something deeper.

“So, you can really seize now?” Josh asked in confirmation.

Tyler’s face felt flushed.
“Yeah, but I haven’t tried to do it again ever since that day.. well, you can see why,” he said, gesturing to his body, embarrassed. “I don’t want this to get any worse.”

Josh chuckled a bit before sighing loudly.

“Well, alright then. Whatever, I guess I’m just glad to see you still alive.”

Tyler nodded in agreement.

You have no idea.

Chapter Text

“So what do we do now?” Josh asked.

The pair was sitting side by side in the cave’s entrance, fingers almost touching, but the gap between them ever present in Tyler’s mind.

Tyler knew one thing for sure: he did not want to return to Trench, the banditos would kill him without a doubt. Tyler had given up all ambition of returning to the place he once called home. This was his home now – Voldsøy, the place where monsters roamed free.

“I’m not going back with you,” Tyler muttered.

Josh was slightly taken aback, but not entirely surprised at his response.

“Okay, we can stay here for now then until you’re ready,” he replied calmly.

Tyler shook his head, “No, I mean ever. It’s bad enough you saw me like this, but them too?” Tyler shuddered at the thought.

Josh turned and put his gloved hands on either side of Tyler’s face, forcing him to make eye contact.

“Tyler, it hurts to hear you talk about yourself like that. I’m sure they’ll understand,” Josh said, his deep brown eyes attempting to shatter the window to Tyler’s soul.

“No, you don’t get it!” Tyler shouted, frustration rising.

You’re the one who said they gave up on me!

“Then help me understand it, damn it!” Josh retorted, “I came all this way looking for you, and now that I have you beside me again it’s like you don’t even want me here! When did you get so shallow?!”

Tyler’s heart was pounding in his ears, but the hands on his cheeks didn’t budge. Josh’s words crawled deep under his skin.

“Fine,” Tyler huffed, pushing Josh away, “I’ll show you.”

The half-demon pushed himself to his feet, intentionally facing away from Josh.

Am I really doing this? Tyler thought, wrestling with himself internally.

Yes, I need him to see where I’m coming from, he decided.

Tyler pulled his top over his head, revealing the dark ombre that had made its way up to his biceps after his transformation. He continued undressing until he was left in his underwear. The markings left on his skin from the transformation were all visible now, from the tips of his toes up to his thighs.

“Do you get it now?” Tyler asked in hopes of a quick response - it was freezing out here.

Josh scanned the length of Tyler’s body, making special note of the transition from pitch-black on his limbs into the fair-toned skin he had known for so long. His chest and upper arm tattoos were still visible, but those on his forearms were lost.

“Yeah,” Josh said, rising to his feet, “I get it.”

Josh backed Tyler into the wall of the cavern, mere inches between them.

Tyler let out a nervous laugh, “Agh, Josh, you’re really close,” he breathed.

Josh persisted, “Yeah, I guess I am.” Josh’s words felt hot against Tyler’s face.

Tyler’s hands found their way to the back of Josh’s neck.

“You must think I’m a mess,” Tyler whispered against Josh’s earlobe. “I thought you were disgusted by me.”

Josh backed out of the embrace, removing his gloves as he did so. “No, I think this new look is actually… kinda cool.”

Tyler’s cheeks burned with embarrassment, and a strong sense of desire crept up inside him. He hadn’t felt the touch of another person for over 4 years, and the sight of Josh being enthralled by his new form made his insides feel as if they would burst from all of the butterflies taking flight.

“Yeah?” Tyler inquired nervously, “How cool?”

Josh’s bare hands felt much softer and warmer than his gloves did as they found the small of Tyler’s back, and the two reclaimed their position against the wall without a moment’s hesitation.

Tyler could barely handle the tension.

Finally taking initiative, Josh closed the space between them, pressing his lips firmly into Tyler’s. They were unbelievably warm, unlike anything Tyler had come to know in this place.

After months, years, of agony, the pieces fell together to create this moment. Neither of them could get enough, pushing into each other as if this was the final piece to their own puzzles. The Torchbearer was kissing him steadily, his tongue gently finding its way to Tyler’s own, gliding against it as if it were the best thing he’d ever tasted.

Everything that had been ripped away from Tyler since he stepped foot in DEMA seemed to be returning to him. He had wanted this so badly it almost made him sick, but now Josh was finally here.

“God,” Tyler gasped into Torch’s mouth.

The Torchbearer persisted, his fingers sliding up Tyler’s waist and making him melt. Tyler let out a faint moan from the back of his throat, egging Josh on further.

Back in Trench, the boys had lazily explored each other’s bodies in Josh’s tent a handful of times, pure curiosity and the heat of mid-August coursing through them.

But this was nothing like that; Josh’s lips felt hot and sweet as they matched Tyler’s every move. The tips of Tyler’s fingers had gone numb as he succumbed to the pull of Josh’s hands on his waist, drawing him further in. This time they were both full of intention; this was the culmination of years of mutual pining, of traversing the unknown, never knowing if they’d ever get a taste of one another again.

“Tyler, ah,” Josh rasped, his words breathlessly catching in his throat.

The fire between them grew as Tyler tugged at the hem of Josh’s overcoat, begging for him to remove it. Josh carelessly stripped from his coat and dropped it on the sand behind him, followed by his shirt. He was desperate for more of this new form of Tyler.

Tyler ran his hands haphazardly against Torch’s shoulders, appreciating the hours of training put into each muscle. He then slid his fingers messily into Josh’s hair; his curls were slightly coated with sweat, but this didn’t faze Tyler. He could feel the blood rushing to the tips of his ears. They were perking up, something he didn’t know they did.

Fuck, I can’t..

Josh’s hips were pressing into his own as if challenging him to remove his final layer of clothing, making Tyler’s head rush.

“For the record,” Tyler said, pulling away briefly, “I do want you here. I’ve wanted you here every single day, I couldn’t get you out of my mind. I never forgot the nights in Trench.”

Josh grinned, leaning back in. “Then let me make it up to you,” he purred.

But before the warmth of Josh’s lips could return to Tyler’s, a gut-wrenching growl rattled the walls of the cavern. Thunderous footsteps could be heard through the ceiling as a huge beast made its way over towards the entrance.

Fear paralyzed Tyler, but Josh leapt into fight or flight. He threw his overcoat over his bare back and grabbed his spear.

“Josh, wait-”

The beast lowered its head so that it could peer into the cave from the roof. It fixed its gaze on the two boys before revealing a mouthful of pointed teeth with bits of flesh still caught in between. Blood dribbled down its chin as it let out a threatening roar, making sure its murderous intent was crystal clear to its prey.

“Don’t. Move.” Tyler whispered, careful not to budge.

The monster leapt from the roof onto the ground. Its massive form towered over the entrance.

Tyler could see Josh’s fingers twitching around the handle of his spear, anxious to defend himself but too afraid to move.

That spear isn’t gonna do a goddamn thing on its own. I have to do something before we get ourselves both killed!

“Stay right there,” Tyler told Josh before turning tail and sprinting to the interior of the cave where Ned’s family was hiding. He panicked as he tried to come up with something, anything, that might give them a shot at surviving. His eyes centered on the campfire roaring away in the center.

“Sorry guys,” he said as he pulled a flaming log from the top of the stack.

Shit shit shit shit!

The flame was scorching Tyler’s hands as he hurried back to Josh, careful to not extinguish the log. He charged out in front of the Torchbearer, ramming his antlers at the beast in a challenging gesture. A defying roar built up in Tyler’s throat and he let it ring out inside the cave as he launched the burning wood at the beast.

Tyler charged forward while the fire had it distracted and launched himself – antlers first – towards the monster’s face, impaling it through the eyes.

“Now, Josh! Stab it in the heart!” he screamed. The beast cried out in pain as it tried to shake Tyler free. Blood sprayed from its eyes, covering Tyler’s upper body in the hot, red liquid. The monster rolled onto its back and started digging its claws into him.

Josh was almost in shock at the display Tyler had just put on; that certainly didn’t seem like anything a human would do. Nonetheless, he was grateful for the opportunity and pushed forward, forcing his spear through the beast’s thick fur and into its chest. He twisted the spear in for good measure, then quickly removed it and stabbed it once more through the throat.

The beast let out one final blood-curdling shriek before falling still.

Josh let out a sigh of relief. “Not so tough for such a big guy,” he jeered.

Tyler motioned for Josh with his hands, “Uh, can you help? I’m kinda stuck.”

Josh climbed the monster’s lifeless body and planted his feet into the flesh behind Tyler. He was still in his underwear, funnily enough, and Josh snickered under his breath at the sight.

He hesitantly wrapped his arms around Tyler’s torso, trying not to lose his grip from the slickness of the monster’s blood.
“Sorry if this is awkward,” Josh said before heaving backwards. Tyler’s antlers creaked and groaned slightly before freeing themselves from the beast’s eyesockets, sending the boys cascading backwards and thudding to the ground.

Tyler gathered himself and stood up first, then offered a hand to Josh.

He smiled to himself, who knew he could fight like that? Now he had more material to make clothes, and Josh had meat to eat! Maybe they could actually survive out here together…

But Josh was not so easily convinced.

He brushed himself off and stood up on his own without Tyler’s help, avoiding direct eye contact.

Tyler’s smile dropped as he noticed Josh’s demeanor shift, “Hey, what’s the matter? We did it! Right?”

Josh flashed Tyler a look icier than any winter in Voldsøy.

“Maybe I was right the first time,” he muttered, seemingly disgusted with himself.

“You are a monster.”

Chapter Text

The sound of Tyler’s heart shattering could almost be heard through his chest.

He blinked in disbelief a few times. “What? I just saved your ass, Josh.”

Josh snorted mockingly.

“Yeah, well it looks like you didn’t need much of my help. Do you pull that stunt often?”

Tyler was taken aback, “What “stunt?” What’s your problem?”

Shaking his head in dismay, Josh returned to the cave and gathered the rest of his garments. Tyler followed gingerly behind him, not wanting to set him off again but still secretly desperate for him to stay.

He couldn’t understand why Josh was so upset. Taking down that beast was a stroke of good luck that they couldn’t afford to overlook, especially not in a place like this.

As Josh was headed for the exit, Tyler reached out a hand to place on his shoulder, hoping he would stop and listen.

Josh swatted his hand away aggressively.

“Don’t fucking touch me, I’m serious. What’s my problem? Look at yourself for God’s sake, Tyler! You act like a fucking wild animal!”
Josh roughly shoulder-checked Tyler as he pushed past him on his way to the shore. The gesture almost knocked Tyler over — not from being pushed, but from how unfair Josh was being. His knees felt incredibly weak, like he had just been punched in the gut.

“I’m getting out of here. I’ll just tell the banditos I found you dead or something,” Josh muttered somberly.

Tyler ran ahead of him, blocking his way to the beach with his body.
“You just got here and now you’re just gonna leave? What about before? Did you actually mean anything you said back there?” Tyler demanded, trying to mask the pain in his voice.

His pleas fell on deaf ears as Josh continued to march forward towards the shore.

“What the hell, Josh? Listen to me!” Tyler cried.

Finally stopping in his tracks, Josh gave the half-demon before him a pitiful glare.
Josh’s chest ached seeing him this way, but he bit his tongue. Truthfully, he didn’t want it to be this way either, but he just couldn’t bring himself to see Tyler like this any more than he already has. He just wanted Tyler to get as far away from him as possible right now. He wanted nothing more than to scream at the top of his lungs, to tell him to just go away.

But at the same time, he knew he had hurt Tyler, so he refused to let his temper get the best of him.

After taking a deep breath, Josh finally acknowledged Tyler, but not in the way he had hoped.

“Look, I’m really sorry, I am,” he sighed, “but you’re not the same guy I knew back in Trench.”

Tyler frowned.

Averting his eyes, Josh continued, “I thought I could get over it if it was just your appearance, but it isn’t; and honestly, I’m afraid of you, Tyler.”

Tyler hung his head shamefully without saying a word. There were no words strong enough to encapsulate how he was feeling, anyway. His feet were planted firmly in the sand as if roots had sprouted from his heels to hold him in place.

“Maybe it’s best if you just forget about me.” Josh warned, before venturing beyond the rocky cliffs and out of Tyler’s line of sight.

Tyler felt utterly pathetic. His body was coated in semi-dried blood, sweat, and sand. The skin on his hands was severely burned and painfully tender. The chilly breeze reminded him of the fact that he was practically naked — standing in his underwear as the only person he thought he could count on abandoned him.

At least in DEMA, they gave him a purpose, artificial or not.

But here, he might as well be dead meat left on the side of the road to rot.

Nico was right, he is just a waste of space.

While Tyler was feeling sorry for himself, Josh had unexpectedly returned, looking irritated and unamused.

He didn’t move, even when Josh got right in his face.

“Okay, asshole. Where’d you put the boat?” he demanded.

Tyler looked up to meet his accusatory gaze with confusion.

“I didn’t touch your boat - and I mean that, before you flip your shit on me again.” Tyler sneered.

Josh huffed angrily, “Well, someone had to have done something to it, because it’s not where I tied it. You and I are the only ones here, right?”

Tyler nodded.

Josh threw his hands in the air and ran them through his hair in a panic.

“Oh God, no no no, I can’t be stuck here!”

The implied “with you” felt like a slap in the face, making Tyler wince slightly.

“Well, there are a lot of other creatures around here, including in the water. I would imagine you saw some on your journey here?” Tyler inquired.

Josh’s face paled.

“What are you getting at? You think one of them ate my boat or something?”

Tyler swallowed back the lump in his throat; he knew Josh wouldn’t like the answer, and nodded apprehensively in response.

“The bigger monsters here don’t like visitors on the island. There are dozens of other destroyed ships along the coast if you look closely,” he explained.

Josh started freaking out, unable to stomach the thought of it all.

“Oh, god, I’m going to fucking die out here! And all because I wasted my time feeling sorry for you when clearly you didn’t even need me!” Josh wailed, pacing rapidly.

Tyler’s cheeks and ears burned; he felt flustered and devastated as hot tears brimmed his eyes.

“You know what,” he stammered, “Blame me all you want. I have done nothing but hope you were safe and wish for you to be by my side again ever since Nico found me.”

Tyler’s knuckles ached from clenching his fists so hard.

“I know they hate me, they always have. But at least they gave me a purpose.”

His lips were trembling rapidly, almost making it too hard to speak. Josh was watching him with wide eyes, speechless.

“But you, Josh, you made me feel like somebody. I don’t know what you want to call whatever we had back then, but I really thought I could trust you no matter what.”

Tyler motioned towards the slain beast behind them, “That right there? That’s a blessing around here. I did what I had to do to fucking survive, like I have been for over two years. I waited for you every single day, wondering, “I hope Josh is okay,” and “I wonder if or when I’ll see Josh again,” and it seems like you were even thinking the same about me. I never thought you would be the one to humiliate me for being myself.”

He squeezed his eyes shut.

“I loved you, Josh,” Tyler hissed, “But damn it, right now I wish I had never met you.”

Chapter Text

The two agreed to stay out of each other’s way, with Tyler remaining in the cave with Ned’s family and Josh in a cave of his own a few hundred yards away.

The boys stood on the shore, uncomfortable and avoiding eye contact.

“I loved you,” buzzed around in Josh’s brain like a hornet, but it wasn’t enough to shake the uneasy feeling he got from Tyler.

Tyler’s mind was no quieter. The interaction replayed in his consciousness over and over, enough to drive someone insane. Having his torso ravaged by a monster’s claws felt less painful than the bitterness dripping from Josh’s tone.

Disgruntled, Tyler retrieved one of his carving knives before returning to the slain monster’s side. Josh remained in place, the feelings hashed out between the boys racing through his mind.

Tyler signaled for him, “If you want any of this you’re gonna have to help me.”

Refusing to waste a single inch of the carcass, they began working silently to break down the beast’s body using the tools Tyler had crafted over the years.
Each slice they made against the flesh of the monster was laced with apprehension. The tension between them was thick and suffocating — every cutting motion sounded like a threat, with the sound of skin tearing echoing menacingly in their skulls.

I loved you, I loved you, I loved you — the words poured from Tyler’s mouth like a dam bursting. With each drag of his blade, he wished the beast’s flesh was his own; he couldn’t believe he let the adrenaline get to him.

Tyler’s hands were unbearably sore as he gripped the blade; he could feel his skin cracking and blistering with each motion. And to think, Josh had the audacity to feel threatened after he burnt his palms trying to save him.

“I’m taking the pelts, do what you want with the rest,” Tyler declared, not caring if Josh had any words of protest. Josh grumbled something inaudible in response as Tyler hauled away the thick fur that once coated the beast.

Why should Josh get any of the fur? It’s not like Tyler could eat any of the meat, so it was only fair.

Neither of them slept that night.

☆

Many awkward, agonizing days had come to pass. It was quite easy for Tyler to stay inside the cave; he hated the water and only used it to bathe, and he didn’t need to go hunting. No reminders of him inside!

At the same time, sickeningly sweet thoughts of Josh, so strong and sentimental, crept into Tyler’s mind every night, like a black mold rotting away at his consciousness. If Josh would just talk to him, he would know his true intentions.

Days turned to weeks, and even though they were a few hundred feet apart, Tyler rarely saw Josh. Knowing he was lying alone on the other side of the cavern walls was clawing at him from the inside. Being ignored like this really bothered him; Josh really couldn’t even spare the time of day to come check up on him, even once? What if he was dead, or needed help? Tyler secretly hoped it kept him up at night.

But he was no better. The thought of Josh staring him down with such contempt made him quiver, so he didn’t check up on him either.

It all felt so foolish and petty to Tyler — the entire reason Josh came here in the first place was to find him, but now that he had, he might as well have been dead and gone the whole time.

What a joke.

The morning air was chilly and delicate today. With summer coming into full effect, Tyler knew it would be humid later on, so he decided to rinse off his body early while it was still cool. He shook off the negative energy from his mind after mulling over Josh all morning before stripping down and wading into the sea.

The water still had some bite to it this early in the day, as June was nearing its end. Tyler let the cold water seep into his bones, submerging himself and floating until just his face was above water.

The pink dye left behind by the bishops had long since faded, and he kept his hair trimmed using one of the blades he carved up, so his chocolate brown waves were now prevalent again. The waves jostled his hair rhythmically, and it felt incredibly soothing against his scalp.

He felt the salt coursing into the scabs on his palms, staving them of infection with a dull burning sensation Tyler couldn’t quite get used to. Not much greenery was present in Voldsøy, unlike Trench, so he couldn’t find anything to make a healing salve out of.

The water filling his ears pushed into his eardrums, muffling the outside world, and he was able to somewhat relax for the first time in weeks. It didn’t matter what Josh was doing next door — if he didn’t want him for who he was, then maybe he didn’t deserve Tyler at all.

The seawater lapped at every inch of Tyler’s body, with drops trickling down his forehead and running along his earlobes as they reunited with the Paladin Strait. Tyler focused on the feeling of the droplets brushing against his skin, like a delicate caress as an apology for the heartache this island had brought him.

Tyler brought himself back into reality and made his way back towards his clothes – neatly folded on the shoreline, like he had done many times before.

However, something glistening caught his eye. Tyler approached the shining metal container placed neatly on top of his clothes pile.
Tyler looked around, but no one could be seen. Hesitantly, he unscrewed the lid to the small container, unsure what to expect.

Inside was a glossy, semi-solid paste, almost like Vaseline. He wafted the scent towards him, and notes of aloe and lavender hugged his senses in return.

This is a burn ointment!

Without a moment to think, he grabbed a dollop of the ointment and rubbed it into the nooks and crannies of his palms. The solution burned upon contact, but the soothing sensation kicked in after a few seconds.

“Oh, fuck,” Tyler whispered, finally feeling some relief after weeks of staggered healing. The salty water had dried out his wounds, but now they felt rejuvenated.

Deep down, he knew exactly who left this gift for him. Yet, he didn’t have the slightest clue what it meant.

I thought Josh hated me. Why would he give me this?
And when? he realized.

Tyler became quickly embarrassed.

If Josh had left the salve on his clothes, then he had to have seen him completely exposed while he rinsed off.

It’s not like Josh had never seen it all before, but he felt inexplicably more vulnerable this time. Maybe because he tried to give him his all, but he didn’t want it in this new form.

Tyler said a silent ‘thank you’ to himself, hoping Josh could feel his gratitude.
Maybe he had a shot at rekindling their relationship after all.

Tyler kept his eye out for Josh more than usual that day.

Chapter Text

The gentle heat of late June brought a sense of serenity to Tyler’s mind as he let himself unwind on the beach. The weather was finally more forgiving, so he took this opportunity to build a small campfire next to the beach, unlike his normal routine of hiding in Ned’s cave until morning.

The moon was cresting overhead, sending silver shimmers dancing along the waves that stretched for miles before him. The open sky and glistening sea were strangely comforting and lonely at the same time; he knew he was incredibly free, but he still felt like a bird in a cage.

The tips of his long, black ears felt warm as Tyler basked in the glow of the flames.
From a distance, the silhouette of a man with antlers sitting by a fire probably looked horrifying, Tyler thought. Honestly, the idea of him looking frightening didn’t bother him anymore – if anything, he wanted people to think he was scary.

Being intimidating felt like an act, like a mask he could put on, and he thought that maybe over time, it would stop being a facade. Then, he wouldn’t have to be a burden anymore. He’s always in everyone’s way, always needing to be rescued by someone else, and he was sick of it.
Just once, he wanted to be able to fend for himself without worrying about how others perceived him. He wanted to be seen as the strong one in the room for once, plain and simple.

It was around 2:00 AM, the dead of night. Tyler’s mind often wandered at night, leaving him tossing and turning for hours. But this time, he decided to get up and attempt to clear his mind instead of restlessly churning around.

The fire crackled and sputtered melodically, and the smell of balsam wood was incredibly soothing and homey. Tyler let himself get lost in the sensations surrounding him, trying to squander the loneliness lurking in the back of his mind.

Tyler nearly leaped out of his skin when he heard the sound of sand crunching under someone’s feet, until he saw the familiar silhouette of Ned becoming illuminated by the campfire’s glow as he drew in closer.

“God, don’t scare me like that. I’m glad it’s just you, Ned,” Tyler sighed, trying to get his breathing back under control.

Ned wiggled his ears playfully and sat next to Tyler in the sand, before another figure appeared behind them.

“It’s not just Ned.”

Tyler’s heart sank to his stomach upon hearing the unmistakable rumble of Josh’s voice.

Turning to face him, Tyler found himself frozen. He didn’t know what to say, what to think, what to do. Josh’s voice sounded just as rich and sweet as he remembered, as if each word had been dipped in honey. Tyler was nothing more than a fruit fly getting caught in a honey trap.

“Do you care if I sit here?” Josh inquired through a veil of innocence, silently masking his nervousness.

Tyler nodded half-heartedly, desperately trying to quell the cocktail of conflicting emotions swirling in his stomach. The sound of Josh’s pants thudding against the sand made Tyler flinch slightly; his mere presence made him incredibly uneasy, and Tyler hoped he would keep the conversation to a minimum.

It didn’t used to be this way, Tyler realized somberly. He shook the thought away quickly and tried to return his attention to the crackling flames and beautiful summer sky.
The boys sat in silence for a long time, with Josh nervously fidgeting and shifting around, and Tyler unmoving – stoic, like a stone statue – watching the fire intently to keep the uncomfortable feeling out of the forefront of his mind.

Josh cracked his knuckles uncomfortably and cleared his throat, preparing as if he were about to lead an army into battle with some grand speech. But it was just the three of them, alone on an island sitting by a campfire. Back home, Josh led the Banditos into countless battles, but he found talking to Tyler right now to be much harder than anything he had ever done as the Torchbearer.

“Uhm,” Josh began, his voice cracking, “..are you doing okay?”

Tyler couldn’t help but chortle a little. The sheer audacity of the question rubbed him in such a way that made the hairs on his neck stand on end. Honestly, he didn’t even know how to answer, nor did he want to.
He bit the skin on his lip and furrowed his brow, putting his discontent on display.

“I’m alright,” he replied coolly, trying to keep his response vague to show his dismay while still being intimidating.

The response hit Josh like a blizzard. So many different thoughts were clamoring around in his head that it was hard to sort them all, but Tyler’s tone made him hesitant to even continue.
Josh scratched the top of his head - yet another nervous tic - and tried to scrape together a lousy excuse for a sentence, refusing to let the conversation die.

“Did you use that burn ointment I left for you?”

Curtly, Tyler held out his palms in response; they were glossy and much less scabby than before, as if a couple of new skin layers had formed — although, it was hard to tell, since his hands were jet black.

Josh breathed a slight sigh of relief, just quiet enough for Tyler not to hear.

Ned watched them cast awkward sideways glances in each other’s direction, amused and unaware of the conflict brewing below the surface.

Tyler didn’t know what to make of Josh right now. Since when did he suddenly give a damn about his wellbeing? He did know, however, that he couldn’t take much more of this.

Grunting, Tyler pushed himself to his feet and turned towards Ned’s cave without saying a word. The enjoyment of his bonfire had dissipated as soon as Josh sat down, so he decided he should try and get some sleep. Josh leapt frantically from his spot on the ground, almost tripping into the fire, and grabbed Tyler’s wrist.

“Hey, wait!” he shouted desperately, “Please.”

Tyler huffed, snatching his wrist back but remaining where he stood.
“I’m listening.”

Josh gulped; he didn’t think that would actually work. The time to speak up was now, but he found himself choking on the words caught in his throat.

“Well?” Tyler pressed, growing increasingly agitated.

Clearing his throat, Josh worked up enough confidence to apologize.
“I.. I’m sorry. Sorry for how I acted, and sorry for not listening to you before. You clearly needed help, but when I arrived I just abandoned you. I acted like a selfish dumbass, and I’m really, really sorry.” His eyes were glinting, pleading pathetically. “I hope you can forgive me.”

Tyler let the apology soak into his mind, picking apart each word like a vulture picking meat from the bones of a dead animal. His trust in Josh was at a record low right now, and frankly, he wasn’t too sure he bought the act.

“Josh, you can’t keep fucking with my head like this. First you wanted me, then you disappeared on me again, and now you suddenly care? Make up your goddamn mind, because I’m about to lose it,” Tyler shot back, his voice tinged with venom.
He continued, “I want you so bad, even though it hurts like hell. But I can’t keep playing these games.”

Tyler’s pitch dark eyes were glistening in the reflection of the moon, it was as if they were two giant mirrors reflecting every star in the galaxy for Josh to get lost in. Yet, the expression on Tyler’s face was wistful and deeply conflicted. His heart skipped a beat, twinged with selfishness from the stark difference in his expression.

“Thank you for the burn salve, it was really very helpful,” Tyler added, his tone more melancholy than angry, “but if you want me to even think about giving you the time of day, you need to convince me with 100% certainty that you actually mean everything you just said.”

Josh didn’t reply, or rather he didn’t know how to reply. Continuing up the shore, Tyler cast one last glance at Josh, his mind muddled with pity, longing, and confusion. Ned bounded up behind him like a dog following its owner.

“Goodnight,” Tyler called over his shoulder to Josh. “And don’t follow me.”

Chapter Text

The following afternoon, Tyler was hunched over against the entrance wall to Ned’s cave, shaving away the dullness of his carving knives using a piece of flint he had sharpened previously. In Trench, the banditos had taught him how to make wooden tools by hand — a skill that Tyler was grateful to have in his arsenal.

Each wood shaving fluttered gently to the dirt below, and like a school girl, Tyler was reciting “he loves me, he loves me not” with each piece that he carved away. He felt rather childish, but he couldn’t help it.

The bonfire he had constructed near the shore last night was nothing but ash and charcoal now, smoking away as the last bits of heat were quenched by the breeze. Tyler wondered what Josh got up to after he had left, silently hoping he spent some time thinking about his word of warning.
He knew Josh was only a few hundred feet away in a nearby cave, but he chose to give him space. If he was serious, he would come find Tyler when he was ready.

Breaking a slight sweat from his efforts sharpening his tools, Tyler placed the last knife next to him and wiped the sweat from his brow. The work felt quite satisfying; Tyler enjoyed working with his hands.

Tyler watched the tide rolling in and out on the beach, almost falling into a trance until Ned’s footsteps approaching became audible. He smiled at Ned, wiggling his ears in delight. The small creature’s antlers had grown back after giving them to Tyler — a day he’d rather forget. Planting its paws into the dirt directly in front of him, Ned held out its front paw, beckoning for Tyler to grab ahold.

“What’s up?” Tyler inquired, placing his hand into Ned’s paw. He expected the texture to be fuzzy, but it was strangely.. rubbery?
Rising to his feet, Ned pulled him towards the interior of the cave with the rest of its family. He was greeted with an unexpected sight; one of the creatures held the original pair of Ned’s antlers in its paws, and another held a crown made of primrose flowers and twigs. Ned released his hand and joined paws with its remaining family members, who proceeded to form a circle around Tyler, the one with the antlers, and the other with the flowers.

Tyler felt uneasy seeing the antlers, remembering all too well the violent feeling of seizing, and the monster he became.

“What’s going on here?” he asked, even though he knew they didn’t speak.

Ned motioned for Tyler to hold out his hand. Shakily, he knelt to the ground, eye-level with the creatures, and held out a hand. Tyler squeezed his eyes closed, afraid of what was to follow. He felt the cold, rigid texture of the antlers being placed in his palm, and the jagged twigs from the flower crown slightly scraped against his scalp a few moments later.
Tyler opened one eye, peering up at the two little aliens before him. The one on the left made the seizing gesture, and the creatures encircled around them all closed their eyes expectantly.

Oh God, I can’t get out of this, can I? Tyler realized.
He could run, but where would he go? They would just follow him, or worse, maybe they’d try to kill him. They were nice until now, but they had never done this before. Tyler weighed his options silently; the thought of seizing again made his skin crawl, but he figured the damage was already done — he was already practically one of them.
Taking a labored breath, Tyler held the antlers out in front of his body. He could feel the takeover pulsing through his veins-

His eyes snapped open. Looking around, he recognized his surroundings almost immediately: he was on the continent of Trench.
More specifically, he was in the bandito camp. He wasn’t sure whose body he had control over, but he could feel the burning sensation from their infected wounds in his real body. Whoever they are, they must have passed away due to poor wound treatment.

Several of the banditos were surrounding the body.

“Woah, what the fuck man? I swore he was dead!” one of them shrieked, frightened at the sight of their dead comrade being reanimated.

Tyler made the body sit upright, hoping to leave a message, an SOS. But, he realized he had never tried to speak while seizing before, and it was proving to be a challenge.
“Hhhhh, hhhh,” he squeaked out. The looks on the banditos faces were straight out of a horror film — they were utterly terrified.

“He’s turning into a zombie! The bishops must’ve got to him!” another screamed.
“Wait, stop,” Tyler rasped, slightly jarred by the sound of someone else’s voice speaking his thoughts. “I need help. The Torchbearer and I are trapped in Voldsøy, send help!”

Tyler could feel his time running out quickly, his connection with the body was rapidly depleting. The faces of the people surrounding him paled as their dead comrade’s eyes fluttered shut one final time, the yellow hue fading.

Tyler jolted back into his own body, his arteries feeling as if they were about to burst with electricity. His lungs were screaming, gasping for air. He could still feel the burning discomfort of the infection crawling beneath his skin. He sank to his knees, hyperventilating, dropping the antlers as he uttered a wailing cry.

A flurry of questions rained down on his consciousness like a thunderstorm, heavy with dread and doubt. How did they know about the banditos, much less that one of them had died? Did his message even reach the banditos? What if they never came for them, and their last sliver of hope had just narrowly escaped his grasp because he wasn’t fast enough? And what’s with the flower crown? Did they see him as some kind of.. god?

Tyler sobbed helplessly into his knees, not caring if the creatures looked down on him. No one could possibly hate him more than he already despised himself.

However, he eventually realized that his condition didn’t worsen after seizing this time, although he wasn’t sure what that meant. Maybe becoming a deity, an object of worship, wasn’t such a bad idea. His ego inflated slightly as he wiped away his tears with the back of his forearm. Not to mention, if his ability were to be consistent from now on, he could use it to help Josh and the banditos defeat Nico.. somehow.

He decided to assume a new name, one he had heard whispered in taboo and echoing down empty hallways in DEMA. He would henceforth be known as Clancy.

A blood-curdling shriek in the distance shook him free from his jumbled thoughts, followed by an eerie silence.

Clancy’s heart dropped to his stomach.

That scream had to have come from the only other person on this island: Josh.

He sprung to his feet, barreling past Ned’s family and almost tripping as he sprinted across the slippery sand toward Josh’s cave. His instincts took over, coupled with the adrenaline surging through him following his successful seizing, and he let out a thunderous roar from deep in his chest. He hoped that the sound would frighten any beasts that were nearby.

“Josh?!” he called out, his resounding shout echoing against the tall cliffs.

Arriving at Josh’s temporary residence, he ran inside, only to be met with an empty cave. Panic began to flow through him, not knowing where else he could be. Clancy sprinted as fast as he could back to the shore, crying out Josh’s name as he clamoured around the island. The primrose crown was slipping down into his eyes, and his legs felt as if they would give out without warning. Clancy didn’t care.

He headed up the rocks and towards the interior of the island, the place he dared not to step foot lest he be torn to shreds. But he would do it all for Josh’s sake.

It didn’t take long for him to spot a figure lying limp in the clearing, dark clothes caked with blood and dirt. Clancy rushed to their side, gently lifting their head up to confirm their identity. Blood poured from a gash on their head, staining Clancy’s hands as he came face to face with an unconscious, gravely injured Josh.

Chapter Text

Cupping the back of his limp head, Clancy frantically held his ear up to Josh’s chest.

God, please don’t be dead, please don’t be dead.

Josh’s heart was beating faintly, softly, but that was enough for reassurance. His breaths were labored and staggered, and he was losing blood rapidly. Clancy ripped the sleeve off of Josh’s flannel in a frenzy and pressed it firmly against the wound on his skull. He opened Josh’s shirt and scanned the rest of his body, identifying several more less severe, but still worrisome, cuts and bruises.

He knew Josh was going to die out here unless he did something. Before there was enough time for whatever beast that had mangled Josh to reappear, Clancy hauled his body up off the ground, holding him bridal style, and hurried back to Josh’s cave.

He remembered the healing ointment he had been given before, and thought that there might be a possibility that Josh had other first-aid supplies with him. It made sense in Clancy’s mind; Josh came out here on purpose, unlike him, so he definitely would’ve packed for an emergency.

He scampered carefully down the rocky cliff, ensuring not to drop or further injure Josh. Clancy rounded the corner and ran full speed across the sand, skidding to a stop at the entrance to Josh’s little cavern. He headed inside, ducking to avoid the cobwebs.
The moss nest Josh had constructed and covered with a cheap bedsheet seemed as good a place as any, so Clancy knelt down and gently rested Josh down in the beaten-down bed. Once he looked secure, Clancy began searching wildly through Josh’s belongings, in desperate need of some gauze or some clean water.

Going through his backpack, he found a canteen full of fresh water, like a sign from above that he could do this. He would do this. After rummaging some more, Clancy came across a few letters — written by Josh, addressed to Tyler in the header. But as much as he wished he could stop and flip through them, to really dig into Josh’s private thoughts, he knew Josh’s safety came first and set them off to the side.

At the bottom of the backpack was a smaller, transparent bag filled with bandages, creams, and pain medication. Jackpot.
Clancy reached in and grabbed some gauze and some bandage wraps before returning to Josh’s side, dizzy with anxiety as the adrenaline started to wear off. He began dressing the wounds, carefully applying pressure to stop the bleeding before using the water from the canteen to clean out the wounds as best he could, then wrapping them with the bandages. The strain on Josh’s face relaxed a little and his breathing steadied, although he was still unconscious.

Satisfied with his treatment for now, Clancy slumped down against the wall next to Josh’s makeshift bed. He breathed a loud sigh of relief and exhaustion. The panic of seeing Josh like that almost made him forget about the events that transpired right beforehand — seizing a bandito.

“Man, I wish you were awake so I could tell you all about it,” Clancy confessed, his tone feathery and soft like a mother comforting her child.

Outside, the sun was starting to set, sending orange streaks of light shimmering on the waves of the sea and illuminating the cave in a soft, dreamy glow. The sunset colored Josh’s cheeks rosy and pink, and Clancy admired his lovely appearance as he rested quietly beside him. Josh’s hair was curly and voluminous, and Clancy couldn’t resist running his hand through them. Stroking his hair softly and comfortingly, lazily tangling his fingers through each curl.

He decided he should probably start a fire; nightfall was approaching, and he wanted to make sure Josh stayed warm. Clancy exited the cave and began gathering some kindling and firewood strewn about beneath some of the bushes lining the beach. He returned about 20 minutes later, firewood stacked gracefully in his arms. Clancy took special care crafting this firewood into a good starter pile. Remembering the matches he had seen in Josh’s backpack, he rummaged around until he found them, and lit the kindling before throwing it into the neatly-arranged wood pile. The blaze grew slowly, lapping at each branch like a cat lapping a puddle.

The warmth from the fire made Clancy feel a little more relaxed as he reclaimed his spot next to his Torchbearer. He pulled his knees to his chest and resumed petting Josh’s hair.
“You owe me one,” he whispered softly, his pets becoming sloppy and erratic as his eyelids grew heavy with sleep. Clancy gradually dozed off, the rhythmic rush of the distant waves and the crackle of the campfire quieting his mind and lulling him to sleep.

☆

Josh felt a shooting pain rip down the back of his neck, pulsating from his skull. Cringing, he drowsily opened his eyes to see darkness beyond the safety of his cave walls, the moon hanging low in the sky. Inside the cave, his eyes made their way over to Tyler’s body curled up next to him, basking in the soft light of a campfire he had built for them.

“Agh,” he winced, putting his hand up to the back of his head. Beneath his fingertips, he felt the rippled texture of the bandages he had packed, quickly putting together the situation that led Tyler to be sleeping next to him. Last they spoke, Tyler had warned him to stay away and to only come back when he was serious, but now he was dreaming away beside him.

Josh crawled his way over towards his backpack in search of his first-aid pack containing Tylenol. He unzipped the clear bag and dumped a couple pain relievers into his palm, tipping his head back and swallowing them dry. His entire body felt like it was on fire.

He flopped back down onto the bed. His rustling must’ve woken Tyler; his long eyelashes fluttered open, revealing his beautiful midnight-black eyes. Tyler groaned sleepily, rubbing his eyes.

“Hey, you’re awake,” he cooed softly, his voice still raspy with sleep. Josh’s senses became flooded with nostalgia, he hadn’t seen Tyler like this since their days in Trench together years ago.

Josh chuckled lightheartedly, “Agh, damn. I feel like shit.” He looked around, breathing in the sights and sounds Tyler had cultivated. “How did I get here anyway?” he asked, partially already knowing the answer, but the events themselves were fuzzy in his mind.

Tyler became visibly flustered, “I found you lying in the open towards the central island, your head was bleeding all over so I brought you back here and dressed your wounds.” He frowned out of concern, “You really shouldn’t go up there, you’re lucky I found you in time.”

Josh blushed slightly, the thought of Tyler nursing him back to health made his head spin. No one had cared for him like this before, usually Josh was always helping everyone else while ignoring his own struggles.
He knew Tyler was right, though. He had ended up chasing an animal further than he intended in hopes of earning some fresh meat, but wound up getting attacked by something much larger.

Tyler looked down at his feet, nervously fidgeting with his thumbs; Josh could always tell when he had something on his mind, he was never very good at hiding it. Yet, he already pushed his luck too far since their reunion, so he stayed quiet, waiting for Tyler to speak up at his own discretion.

Cicadas hummed outside, a relentless droning intermixed with the sound of crickets chirping. The warmth of the campfire soaked into Josh’s bones, the feeling was almost healing.

Tyler’s eyes remained fixed to the ground, but he eventually broke his silence.
“You know, this doesn’t mean I forgive you. I just helped you because I didn’t want you to die. It’s only the right thing to do,” he asserted, his voice barely louder than a whisper. “But I really wanted you to think about what I said.”

Tyler’s voice was so tender, so gentle it made Josh want to cry.

“Did.. did you think about what I said..?” he asked, his eyes glowing hopefully.

Josh scratched the back of his neck anxiously, ignoring the dull stinging of his bruised muscles. He couldn’t say no, that would feel like kicking a puppy. Yet, he didn’t know what there was to think about; he was sincere the first time, he had been mulling over just how much Tyler meant to him for weeks by then.

Sitting up slowly as to not aggravate his injuries, Josh staggered to his feet and sat in front of Tyler on the floor, crossing his legs comfortably. He wanted to make it crystal clear that he had gotten over his fear and was ready to accept him as he is.

“Listen, Tyler,” he began delicately, “over these past few weeks, I did a lot of.. growing up.” Josh held Tyler’s gaze, unbreaking and full of resolve. He took Tyler’s hands in his own, interlocking their fingers.

“I go by Clancy now,” Tyler corrected, unblinking. Josh didn’t want to stop and unpack that, so he simply nodded in acknowledgment.

“Okay, Clancy, I just want you to know that I really did mean what I said the other day, with complete sincerity. Every word of it.” Josh rubbed his thumbs along the ridges of Clancy’s knuckles, admiring the cuts and cracks in his skin and appreciating the work he’d put in to acquire each one.

Clancy had his reservations, but Josh’s words tasted like caramel, so smooth and rich, and the gentleness with which he was caressing his hands made Clancy melt.

“You’re such a ridiculous sweet-talker, you know that?” he mused. A grin pulled at the corners of Josh’s mouth.

“I can’t help it. Seeing the way the light shines in your eyes just brings it out of me,” he teased, making Clancy’s heart flutter in his chest. Rolling his eyes, Clancy turned away as a blush crept up onto his cheeks and the tips of his long ears.

Josh hadn’t really gotten a detailed look at Clancy since he’d changed into this new look, so he took this opportunity to do so. The Tyler he had grown to love in Trench could still be seen sprinkled in with this new identity, Clancy — really, it was the same person, just shaped and changed after years of experiences.

His arms, pale and adorned with black geometric tattoos, blended seamlessly with the black ombré stemming from his fingertips. His neck was permanently black as well, an ironic look that reminded him of all of the times Nico had smeared Clancy in the past. The tips of his long ears wiggled with embarrassment knowing he was being watched, and Josh found it adorable.

“M-maybe we should get some more sleep,” Clancy muttered bashfully, trying to suppress the butterflies growing in his stomach. He turned back towards Josh, his lips plump and pouty, his eyes wide with yearning as they exchanged eye contact.

Josh dared to reach his hand up to Clancy’s face, caressing his cheek and rubbing his thumb against his bottom lip. Clancy bit Josh’s thumb lightly.

“Can I..” Clancy whispered lightly, leaning into Josh’s touch and inching closer to him.

Josh nodded, their lips only a few centimeters apart, both breathing heavily with anticipation.

“Thank you for saving my life,” he breathed, soft and light as air, before closing the gap between them.

Chapter Text

Clancy sank into the comforting feeling of Josh’s lips against his. His kiss felt different - different than a few weeks ago, and different than a few years ago. This time, their lips brushed against each other softly with familiarity, the feeling of being home. Josh cupped the back of his head lightly, tracing the skin on his neck lightly with his middle finger.

Josh pulled away, his eyelashes fluttering open slowly to see Clancy’s reaction. Inversely, Clancy’s doe eyes were gleaming, his face flushed red.

“I missed you, Torch,” Clancy sighed dreamily.

Josh smiled sweetly, preparing to echo his feelings until a jabbing pain pulsed down his neck, stemming from the bandaged gash on his head. He yelped in pain, moving his hand to hover over the wound.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you! I didn’t think about it, I shouldn’t stress you out right now,” Clancy apologized frantically, his hands wavering in the air.

Josh laughed quietly at his sentiment, “I’m not stressed, you’re exciting.”

Flustered, Clancy pouted. “I’m serious! You need to be resting, not worrying about me,” he protested.

“All I’ve done since I’ve been here is worry about you,” Josh purred smoothly.

Clancy grabbed Josh gently by the hands and helped him to his feet, back into his temporary nest. Crouching down, he brushed the hair back from Josh’s forehead with care, delicately leaving a small kiss on his nose.

“You need to get back to sleep, you’re really hurt,” he nagged, his voice laced with pure intentions. Josh rolled his eyes playfully, “Yeah yeah, whatever you say mom,” he teased. Clancy settled in on the ground once again beside him, closing his eyes.

“Goodnight, Josh.”

☆

The sun had risen and fallen three or four times since Clancy became Torch’s bedside nurse. Each day Clancy was focused on changing his bandages and helping him get used to walking again, and the bitterness lingering in Clancy’s mind began to fade away.

Even though his body was tattered and hurt like hell, Josh enjoyed having Clancy’s company. Clancy always made sure he was warm and comfortable — building him campfires every night, replacing the moss in his bed, and keeping him on a tight pain medication schedule with what little they had left. He even felt good enough to start walking without a shoulder to lean on. Josh felt truly indebted to him.

Clancy, on the other hand, couldn’t stop thinking about their kiss the other night. So light and pillowy, so caring.

Striking a match, Clancy was working at getting the fire started. It was late in the evening, and the sky was still tinged with pink and purple stripes as the sun had dipped just below the horizon. Josh watched him silently, sitting up with one leg pulled up to his chest and his forearm resting on his knee.

The orange glow of the growing flame slowly crept up the walls of the cave, illuminating Clancy’s face and casting long, wavering shadows.

Pushing himself to his feet, Clancy walked gingerly over to Josh and plopped down beside him on the moss bed. Josh turned his attention to the half-monster next to him, eyeing the curve of his cupid’s bow. He grinned, “Clancy, I appreciate you so fucking much,” he confessed.

Clancy chuckled out of embarrassment, “Wha- uh, for what? I’m just, uh, doing what any good person would do,” he deflected humbly. The feeling of Josh’s eyes burning into him, daring him to return the look, made Clancy’s stomach flip over.

“No, seriously. I know I acted like a dick before, but you legitimately saved my life. I’ve watched you over these last few days, you just put so much care into everything you do. I admire that,” Josh insisted. It was true — the way Clancy’s eyes gleamed when he talked, the way his face softened when he watched the clouds roll by — it was all very precious to him.

Clancy took a deep breath and turned to look Josh in the eyes, those goddamn dark chocolate eyes. Shoulder to shoulder, Josh’s face was now a mere few inches from his own, and Clancy was painfully aware of it.

He wasn’t sure if it was the heat from the campfire or something much deeper, but his chest burned. The urge to just lean over and-

His body was faster than his brain as he leaned forward, his right hand running along Josh’s jawline as he pressed a passionate kiss against his lips.

Josh didn’t falter, kissing back with just as much desire. He had been waiting for this; the thought of Clancy never trusting him again was eating him alive.

Their lips meshed perfectly, with Josh leading and Clancy matching his rhythm with ease. Their bodies pressed closer, their minds buzzing with a hunger that had been simmering for far too long. Soft groans and gasps filled the space surrounding them. Josh slid his hands up Clancy’s undershirt, pulling him closer by the small of his back as if he couldn’t stand to leave any space between them.

The sudden motion startled Clancy, enticing an alarmed squeak to escape his lips. Josh smiled, delighted by the sound. He ran his fingers messily through Clancy’s hair, kissing him harder and leaving no room for doubt.

His lips collided with the side of Clancy’s neck, sucking and tracing his jawline. Stifling a high-pitched moan, Clancy leaned backwards onto the makeshift bed, pulling Josh on top of him. Calloused hands scraped over his ribs, pushing the fabric of his shirt up and over his head. The chill of the air deep in the cavern hit his bare skin, sharp and sudden.

Clancy’s heart was pounding in his ears. Josh slid himself between his legs and grabbed his hips, pulling them tight against his own. Clancy melted into the embrace, a pretty gasp echoing off of stone walls. Torch’s hands grasped desperately at the skin of his soft waist as he returned to nibbling and kissing his neck. Whimpering softly against Josh’s neck, Clancy bucked his hips up, grinding gently against Josh as if begging for mercy.

Josh moaned deep and low in his throat as his lips reunited with Clancy’s.

“Mmn, I need you so bad,” Josh pleaded, muffled between kisses.

Clancy broke from the kiss, his eyes meeting Josh’s, full of determination.
“I’m all yours.”

Sitting upright while still keeping Clancy’s legs open, Josh pulled his top over his head and threw it to the side. The half-demon looked so small beneath him, his eyes pleading and helpless. He looked delicate enough to crumble in Josh’s hands, like a burning flower turning to ash.

Josh lowered himself once more and pressed his bare chest against Clancy’s. He could feel the demon’s rapid heartbeat pounding against his ribcage. Josh tenderly brushed Clancy’s messy brown hair from his eyes, running his fingertips along his cheek and down the tips of his long ears.

Impatient, Clancy leaned up and took Josh’s bottom lip between his teeth seductively before kissing him roughly. Josh moaned into the kiss, his hand trailing down Clancy’s torso and tracing along his-
“Oh-!” Clancy squealed, the delicate contact of Josh’s fingertips along his length sending shockwaves down his back to the tips of his toes. Smirking, the Torchbearer slid Clancy’s trousers down around his ankles. Clancy kicked them off onto the floor next to the bed, giving Josh enough time to spit in his hand before returning slick fingertips to Clancy’s tip. Josh teased it deliberately, coaxing breathless sighs and whines from his partner as he stroked it.

“Ah, mmn,” Clancy gasped, “Ah, please, I want more-“ he begged.

“That was fast,” Josh half chuckled, “Are you sure?”

Clancy nodded eagerly, “Please, I’ve missed feeling you for so long.”

The Torchbearer smiled, “Let me know if it gets to be too much, okay?” he said, removing the hand from Clancy’s length.

“You too, don’t hurt yourself,” he replied, half-joking.

Josh slicked his own tip with saliva as Clancy raised his legs in the air, resting them on Josh’s shoulders as he filled him all the way up. The warmth he had been craving for so long was spreading through his insides, the heat of intimacy wrapping itself around Clancy’s bones as Josh thrusted slowly into him.

Josh had always adored Clancy’s singing voice; his ability to hit a falsetto was remarkable, every single one was pitch-perfect. He used to run his fingers through Josh’s hair as they dozed off in Trench, his head on Tyler’s chest, while Tyler sang to him soft lullabies from his childhood in DEMA.

His high notes were always spot-on, sounding so sugary and crisp, so when Clancy moaned at the top of his lungs it was like an angel’s song ringing in Josh’s ears.

His curls hung in his eyes, sweat slowly running down his forehead as he struggled to stifle a groan of pure pleasure. The cavern walls echoed with sounds of ecstasy, the rocks glistening as steam settled on the surface. Clancy tightened around Josh, covering his mouth with his jet-black hand and squeezing his eyes closed. Josh made sure to keep up his pace; he could tell Clancy was getting close.

“C’mon, you can’t even look at me?” he taunted, hoping he would get to see Clancy’s eyes as he finished. The Torchbearer thrusted slow and deep, each stroke earning him a sultry moan from Clancy as a reward. He removed his hand from his face, opening one eye halfway to meet Josh’s gaze.

Clancy’s pitch-black eyes peering up at him made his heart flutter. He thrusted increasingly faster, seeing the pleasure in Clancy’s eyes deepening with each stroke. He tugged at his bottom lip with his teeth, failing to bite back a yelp.

Gripping at the bedsheet with his other hand, Clancy’s sing-song voice rang out in the cavern as he finished onto his belly, not breaking eye contact with Josh. The look on Clancy’s face, pure and vulnerable and trusting, sent Josh over the edge.

“Oh my God, fuck ah-!” he gasped, his mind going blank.

Panting, Josh collapsed next to Clancy who was wiping himself off with a spare handkerchief. "What a workout!" Josh exclaimed, out of breath.

Clancy giggled slightly, still processing what had just happened. His heart felt full and happy with his Torchbearer keeping him warm by his side. All felt right with the world. Josh wrapped his arm around Clancy, pulling him into a spooning position.

The boys laid silently for a while — Clancy focusing on the gentle sound of Josh’s breathing and the fire crackling away, and Josh focusing on getting some sleep with Clancy as his teddy bear. Josh’s breaths were soon replaced with faint snores.

Clancy smiled to himself, snuggling in tighter.

“I love you,” he whispered, quiet enough to be carried away by the breeze.

Chapter Text

Clancy slivered out from beneath Josh’s arm, careful not to wake him. The sun had long since gone down, and he wasn’t sure how long he had been cuddled up next to Josh. Grinning to himself, he headed down to the shore while Josh continued to snore comfortably.

He was already nude, so he laid his fresh clothes out on the beach and waded slowly into the chilly water. The handkerchief got him mostly clean, but he felt icky just laying there afterward and wanted to bathe with water.

The biting cold of the water surrounding his body felt nice on his backside; it had been a while since he’d been with Josh in that way, so he felt a bit sore. His ears felt warm with embarrassment as he scrubbed himself with the bar of soap Josh had packed with him.

It felt good though, being with the Torchbearer. He was ecstatic that Josh was proving to be trustworthy again, although he would never admit that to him. He rubbed his eyes with his palms, a nagging sense of humiliation lurking deep in his gut stemming from the “I love you” that he let slip so carelessly. He knew Josh was sleeping, so he felt comfortable enough to say it, but what if he secretly heard him? The thought was mortifying, and a deep sense of unease spread through Clancy like a virus.

God, he should be happy right now, not scared. It was true, after all, he did love the Torchbearer. Yet, the thought of Josh not loving him back still clawed at his stomach.
He didn’t even know what love really meant, but the way Josh’s eyes glimmered and the freckles danced on his skin made Clancy feel closer to God than anything the Bishops had ever taught him. The Torchbearer felt real to him, his light so intense and warm, that the frigid remains of who he once was melted away — and to Clancy, that was love. Who gives a damn about vialism and seizing?

After he finished washing away the grimey feeling from his skin, he returned to shore, shaking away the excess water like a wet dog. He dressed himself with the clothes he had prepared and made his way back to the cave to warm up by the campfire. Clancy pushed the vines away with his hand and ducked into the entrance, making his way back towards Josh, who was now awake and sitting upright.

“Hey, I got cold without you. Where’d you run off to?” he asked innocently.

Clancy sat next to him on the bed, rubbing his hands together for warmth.

“I went to rinse off really quick. You looked peaceful, so I didn’t want to wake you.”

Josh smiled, the wrinkles bunching in the corners of his eyes. The fire sputtered and crackled away, the heat drying off Clancy’s skin.

“Thank you,” Josh said suddenly. “For feeling comfortable enough to be vulnerable with me, I mean. I want to be someone you can trust with anything.”

Clancy nodded, “Well, you know, I never wanted to distrust you, but you were kind of an asshole when you first got here,” he replied without hesitation.

The words hung in the air for a split second, but Josh was quick to cut through the slight tension. “I’m really, really sorry. Have I been better?”

Clancy snorted, genuinely humored. “Yeah, Josh, much much better. I guess one good thing came out of you hurting yourself, and that’s me making sure you get better out of the kindness of my heart, that way I’m forced to spend time with you,” he teased sarcastically.

Laughing, Josh leaned forward towards the fire, resting his forearms on his knees and clasping his hands together.

“Well thank you, kind sir, for your esteemed generosity,” he jested, matching Clancy’s energy. The grin on Josh’s face softened slightly.

“But no, really, thank you. I acted out at first because I was afraid. Afraid that I had finally found you after all these years, only for you to not be the person I knew before. I’ve come to terms with that now, but I just didn’t know if you’d still even want me here. That’s what really scared me,” he confessed.

Clancy took a deep breath, allowing the thoughts in his mind to settle.

“News of the incident with the submarine made its way from the bandito spy we have planted in DEMA to me, and when I heard you were onboard, I… I didn’t know what to do,” Josh continued.

Clancy froze.

“I- what?”
What was he talking about? He was in the submarine too when it went down, right?

Josh cocked his head to the side, “You know about the spy, I’ve told you about it before.”

Clancy’s throat felt tight.

“That.. that’s not why I’m confused. You… I thought…” he muttered, his thoughts whirling around in his head like a hurricane. Josh’s eyes were fixed on him, an inquisitive look on his face. Clancy kept his head down.

“You were on that submarine too, Josh. And.. and in DEMA! We were there together, right? All the times Nico made us perform for those assholes, you were there too!” Clancy insisted, his voice laced with frustration.

Josh raised his eyebrows, a look of pity creeping up into his eyes.

“Oh my God, Tyler,” he sighed, pulling him into an embrace with one arm.

Tears pricked at Clancy’s eyes, and his throat felt like it was tangled in thorns.

“You were there, I know it!” he exclaimed, his long ears drooping behind him. Josh hugged him tighter.
“No, baby, I was in Trench that whole time. The night Nico took you back, we searched for hours, hoping you had somehow gotten away,” he explained. “I don’t know what they did to you, but I wasn’t there. I wish I was though.”

Josh felt Clancy’s shoulders begin to shake, like a tree in a thunderstorm, as the sobs started pouring uncontrollably from his little body. “No.. no no no…” he repeated to himself, his words stained with disbelief and regret.

All those years he spent delusionally thinking the Torchbearer was with him, all the freezing nights on a stone cellar floor, every goddamn drugged up performance, Josh was never there. The realization swelled in Clancy’s brain like a balloon, pressing against his skull uncomfortably. All that time he wasted after the submarine crashed looking for an illusion.

Josh petted his hair, shushing and consoling him as he wailed out in his arms.

“I.. th-thought you d-died in the crash,” Clancy snivled.

“I know, I’m so sorry. I’m here now, it’s okay,” Josh said in an unsuccessful attempt to comfort him.

The horrors Clancy must have endured were unfathomable to Josh, he knew the Bishops had an especially strong distaste for him. Josh was once a citizen of DEMA too, but he never had to go through the torment Nico put Clancy through. It all made Josh feel sick to his stomach.

He wanted to take action. Serious action.

“Hey, it’s okay,” he began softly, “You never have to set foot anywhere near Trench or DEMA again, okay? I’ll do it in your stead.”

Clancy pulled away from the embrace, tears streaked down his face, and looked Josh in the eye.

“I’m going to break the cycle this time so you don’t have to.”

Chapter Text

A look of horror clouded Clancy’s eyes at Josh’s sentiment. All he could picture was Nico hurting Josh, knocking him down and killing him.

“What? No, no, you can’t do that, Josh! Nico’s after me, not you; this is not your battle to fight! Not to mention, you’re injured!” he pleaded, hoping his logic would make Josh reconsider. The Torchbearer had a stern look on his face, and Clancy knew all too well how stubborn he was.

“Yes, I can, and I will,” Josh proclaimed as he stood up. “And, look,” he directed, pulling up a large structure crafted from wood, “I’ve already been working on a new boat, and I could finish it tonight and be out of your hair by morning. Besides, Trench isn’t too far of a boat ride from here, so I’ll be fine.”

The words felt sour, like Josh had been thinking of doing this for much longer than Clancy had thought.

“So, what, you’ve secretly been thinking of ditching me?” Clancy hissed.

“No, I started making this boat for both of us to get back to Trench, but now I’m going to go back alone to finish this.”

Clancy sighed, closing his eyes. As nice as the thought was, he didn’t feel comfortable with Josh stepping in for him to fight Nico. After all, maybe Clancy had a leg up on him with his new powers and appearance – he could be an asset.

“Well, at least let me come with you. I can help, look at me, I can-”

Josh put a hand on his shoulder, kneeling down to eye level.
“Clancy, listen. The banditos and I, we thought you had already been dead for months, so we’d been making plans for this with the assumption that you wouldn’t be there. I appreciate what you’re trying to say, but please, let me do this for you. I hope you know that I’d kill for you.”

His dark chocolate eyes had a bittersweet shine, his eyebrows raised in a serious expression.
Clancy laid down on the makeshift bed and turned away from Josh, bringing his arms in closer to his body and curling into a ball.

“Whatever, if I can’t stop you,” he grumbled, gesturing with his hands for Josh to go away and finish the boat.

A pang of guilt shot through the Torchbearer’s heart, but he was not going to change his mind about this. Not this time, not about this Clancy. Josh shrugged the thought away and began working to finish his ticket out of here.

Each scrape of the blade against the wood grain felt like a dagger through Clancy’s chest, the dry shaving noise ringing out in his head like a death knell. The sky was turning purple now, the early sign of dawn peeking over the horizon. He covered his long ears with his hands, pulling them tight against his cheeks.

The sun had crested over the shimmering sea and casted the clouds with shades of pink and orange by the time Josh finished his craft. Clancy didn’t budge the entire time.

“Uh.. hey, I’m done,” Josh announced softly, rubbing Clancy’s shoulder lightly.

Clancy sat up, his face red and pitch-black eyes full of distress. Frowning, he stood up and wrapped his arms around Josh, taking in the warmth of his body and his homey scent one more time.

“I’ll help you get ready,” he rasped, his voice wavering as he pulled back from the embrace.

The two gathered Josh’s scattered belongings strewn about in the cavern. Clancy grabbed a roll of gauze, toying with it between his fingers as he remembered how nice it was to be Josh’s nurse for a while. He stuffed it into the backpack quickly before the tears could return.

“Okay, now let’s get this out to sea,” Josh said, walking towards the wooden boat. He bent down to lift it, but Clancy stopped him.

“Um, no. You’re hurt still, at least let me lift this for you,” he warned. Josh couldn’t argue with that, so he stepped back. Clancy positioned himself beneath the boat, his arms stretched upwards and hands wrapped around it as if he were Atlas carrying the Earth on his back. He used his upper body strength to haul the boat over towards the shore, setting it down gently.

Josh tossed his belongings into the floor of the watercraft before hugging Clancy tightly.

“When it’s all over, I’ll come back for you and bring you home. Your new home, where you can be free.”

Clancy half-smiled, his chest tight and heavy with dread.

“Goodbye, Clancy,” Josh waved, stepping into the boat and pushing himself off. The boat glided shakily across the surface of the Paladin Strait as Josh’s silhouette faded into the misty sky.

When it’s all over, I’ll come back for you and bring you home.

But Josh never came back.

Clancy waited for weeks, and weeks turned to months, to no avail.

He slept in Josh's cave for a while, drinking in the last remnants of his presence before they were blown away with the wind. Eventually, though, he returned to his gaggle of Neds, who greeted him eagerly. They asked no questions, and Clancy was glad; he didn’t want to talk about it anyway.

One evening, Ned and his family were especially restless. They paced about and rushed to gather flowers in a hurry while Clancy minded his own business. Suddenly, Ned grabbed Clancy’s hand and yanked him up from his seat.

“Wha-!” he exclaimed, stumbling a bit. A familiar sight was unfolding before him, with the Neds encircling him, holding paws, and two of the creatures presenting him with a flower crown and ritual antlers. A sinking feeling washed over Clancy.

“Oh, god, it’s about Josh isn’t it?” he wailed, panic echoing in his voice.

Clancy knelt down quickly to accept the offerings, suddenly understanding Ned’s shared urgency. The thorny flower crown was placed atop his head, some of the petals catching on the antlers jutting from his head and falling to the floor. The ritual antlers were placed in his palm, and Clancy raised them up with no hesitation.

A shooting headache ripped through his skull and-

-
Clancy’s eyes flew open in his new vessel; he knew he didn’t have long, so he had to make this count.

He looked down to see a red robe wrapping his frame, with blood pooling from a deep stomach wound. In his real body, he could feel the pulsating in his abdomen as if the gash were really there, making him feel queasy.

He then trailed his eyes up, and standing over the dead body was a sight that made Clancy almost drop the antlers clutched in his hand.

Curly brown hair poked out from beneath a red hood, and two lifeless, dark brown eyes peered down at him with a face covered halfway in black paint. Clancy felt like throwing up.

Josh was stood over Nico; he had become a bishop in his place.

Clancy wanted to scream out using Nico’s body, but Josh already knew it was him, given away by the glowing yellow eyes. He might’ve been mistaken, but he thought he could see Josh’s expression soften a little knowing Clancy had found him.

Josh knelt down next to Nico, turning his head with his hand to look him directly in the eyes.

“I’m sorry, Clancy.”
-

Clancy jolted out of Nico’s body, his heart pounding and stomach burning where the stab wound had been in his vessel. He collapsed to the dirt, letting the antlers fall to his side weakly. The Ned family watched him, unmoving.

He lost. The Torchbearer really lost.

A gutteral cry split the air, spilling out from Clancy’s chest like a siren. Josh knew it was him, he knew and he apologized, and that made Clancy feel like dying. His arms hung limp at his sides as his chest heaved, wailing and crying into the night with no one to answer him.

It was all a cycle, he thought, I wrapped Josh up into this and now I’m all alone again, just like before.

Josh’s warm smile, his soft laugh, the glimmer in his eyes – all of it flashed through Clancy’s mind as he watched it all burn to the ground. Josh would never be the same again, and it was all his fault.

Winter had returned in Voldsøy, and Clancy rose to his feet slowly, his face donning a somber expression. Snow had began to fall while he performed the ritual, and he felt the freezing air biting his skin immediately as he stepped outside.

He fell backwards, his back thudding against the sand as he stared up into the night. There he lay, unmoving, watching the snow cascade down from the sky, piling up on his body and surrounding him.

The chill was spreading through his body from his lungs causing him to shudder violently, but Clancy remained in place, watching the gray clouds roll by. As the waves rushed back and forth in a hypnotic lullaby, Clancy was lulled to sleep, his body buried beneath the snow.

In the morning, Ned and his family uncovered Clancy, unmoving with frozen skin and cracked lips. The creatures filed out of the cave, surrounding their dead companion and hanging their heads.

With Ned holding his head and shoulders, several of them lifted Clancy from the ground, his limbs dangling and head limp. Slowly, they climbed up the cliff with his body, resting him under a tall tree atop a hill. Ned plucked a stray primrose flower and placed it gently on Clancy’s chest.

In life, Clancy was all alone, but in death, he could finally be free.