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Chapter Text

Wille arrived in Bjärstad on a Wednesday night at stupid o’clock. The days of the midnight sun had come and gone, but the sun still didn’t set until close to 21:00, and it was light enough for the odd enterprising gawker to spot a shiny black sedan roll to a stop in front of a modest apartment complex, where a young woman stood waiting. 

He put on his sunglasses and cap, and raised the hood of his sweatshirt. Malin turned around. “Ready?” He nodded, and they both got out. They grabbed their bags from the boot and headed towards Sara. 

“Hej.”

He gave her a quick hug. “Hi. Thanks for waiting.”

“Simon can give you the tour tomorrow – we should go inside now.” 

“Of course.”

They made their way around the building to a side door, which Sara opened with a key card. Then they climbed the stairs to the top floor, where there were three apartments. Sara went to the last one in the corner.

The size and layout were different to their old house, but when Sara opened the door, Wille immediately sensed familiarity. Warm. Comforting. Mouthwatering smells still lingering after dinner, garlands of lights strung everywhere, cozy blankets strewn over the sofa.

And in the middle of the room, waiting, was the one person who would always be home to Wille. 

He dropped his bag and flew into Simon’s arms.

They sat at the table, having a tea and late night snack. 

“I’m so sorry for my late arrival, Linda.” 

“It’s no problem Wilhelm! We understand why you wanted to come when it was as dark as possible.” Linda looked at her children around the table. “We all want to keep our new address secret.” 

“Simon told me all about the move and the house hunting — you’re happy here? It all went well?”

“Yes, of course! It went very smoothly, especially with the help from the Palace. Thank you for that, I appreciate it so much.” Linda reached across and patted Wille’s hand. “And you’ve recently come back from your family holiday? I can see it on your face, you have more colour on your cheeks, good for you. I have not been to Mallorca but our family in Madrid say it is lovely. Did you rent a house? Did you go into Palma?”

Simon grimaced. “Mamà…”

“They stayed with the King of Spain.”

“¿Qué? El rey de España?”

“Er, yes. My parents organized it. I just suggested that we spend some time as a family alone, so my mother came up with that option. For some…privacy.” Why was his life so weird; Wille wanted to jump out the window. 

“Oh that makes sense then! Did you enjoy your time with your family?”

Wille appreciated Linda a lot, but never more so than now, when she bypassed the weirdness and just asked him a normal question.

“It was…nice. Yeah. We hadn’t done that in a long time.”

Actually, Wille couldn’t remember the last time they had gone on holiday as a family, with no responsibilities or events — his mother or the Royal Court always ended up finding a speech to give or a ribbon to cut, even if they were at their summer home on Öland. (Which was a feat: the island was 10% human and 20% bird — the rest was rock.) But for Mallorca, he had put his foot down, even if they were visiting a foreign dignitary. Felipe seems like an okay guy, mamma — surely he’d understand if we just ask to be alone? This year, of all years? And his mother must have been dying for a nap, because she agreed. 

For two weeks, he and his parents (and security) occupied one wing of the Spanish royal family’s summer home. They drove around their end of the island once or twice with their hosts, and had dinner with them a few times. But mostly, he and his parents kept to themselves. The property had its own private beach, and they played cards, swam, and ate together. His parents kept work to a minimum, although they couldn’t completely avoid it for two weeks.  

It wasn’t the same kind of vacation as before, when Erik was here; of course it wasn’t. His father’s jovial mask disappeared and he retreated into himself. Kristina spent a lot of time alone, on the computer with work and appointments, or just staring at the sea. Wille was left to his own devices a lot. But that was all right — they came together for a meal once a day, as a family, and his parents made a real effort to ask him normal, everyday questions, avoiding heavy or controversial topics. 

Wille spent much of this time sleeping, texting friends and talking to Simon, and trying not to get sunburnt. He also tried his best to watch his temper during family dinners, and to keep the conversation simple, but real. All in all, while he wouldn’t say that his parents were his first choice of vacation company, it was unbearably comforting to put aside their roles for a time and just be Wille, Kristina, and Ludvig. 

All of this ran through his mind as he sat at the Eriksson’s table, drinking the dregs of his tea. Linda seemed interested to know more, and he wanted to get to know her better. It was getting late though. 

“I’d love to hear about your Spanish family Linda, but I don’t want to keep you both. What are the plans for tomorrow? Are we having dinner together?”

“We’ll talk about the next ten days tomorrow, Wille. Some plans, and I have to work, but otherwise it’s pretty chill. We should let mamma and Sara sleep.” And Simon eyed Wille pointedly. 

“Yeah, we’ll let you…rest, now,” Sara said, as she put her glass on the counter and walked off. “Good night.”

“Simon can give you the tour tomorrow, Wilhelm. I’ll be at work by the time you wake up, but please make yourself at home and I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” Linda came over and gave him a side hug. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

“Good night Linda, Sara.” Wille watched them leave, then turned to Simon. “So…I noticed an interesting architectural feature to your new place.”

“Oh yeah?” Simon said mischievously as he led Wille to his room. 

“Mm. Interestingly, it appears that Linda and Sara are on the other side of the kitchen, but we’re going in the opposite direction.”

“Is that so?” Simon’s eyes twinkled as he closed his bedroom door. “I still have to share a bathroom with Sara.”

“But you don’t share a wall with her.” He crowded Simon against the door and propped an arm up above Simon’s head. “Interesting.”

Simon wrapped his arms around Wille’s neck. “Isn’t it.”

“It sounds…freeing.” He nuzzled Simon’s nose. 

Simon whispered the next words against his lips. “Welcome home, baby.”

Chapter Text

Six things that Simon and Wille did on Thursday:

1. Have sex. 
2. Eat a snack.
3. Have sex.
4. Say hello to Sara and Linda while grabbing snacks. 
5. Have sex.
6. Sleep.

Three things that Sara and Linda did on Thursday:

1. Leave the house.
2. Return to the house.
3. Put in earplugs.

(The boys really did try to be considerate. And there was separation of walls. But still…)

Chapter Text

The doorbell rang Friday afternoon. 

“We should...”

“Ignore it.”

The doorbell rang again.

“Wille, I think –”

“Come on, baby...”

It rang a third time. Then Sara pounded on their door. 

“Simon, I’m opening the front door. That’s your ten-second warning.” 

“Fuck!” Simon pushed Wille off.

Wille flopped back. “I was trying to.”

“Ja, må han leva…”

Simon pulled on his boxers, whipped the covers over Wille and hissed, “Put some clothes on!”

“– Ja, må han levahhhhhhh Jesus fuck why are you not dressed?!”

Simon dove back under the covers. Ayub’s arm was raised, covering his eyes. Rosh peered inside from under Ayub’s arm. “I wonder how royal dick compares to Simon’s tiny sausage.”

“Fuck you I was four!” 

Wille sat up, face beet red and hand scraping through his hair in an attempt to recover his dignity. “Hey Rosh, Ayub. Good to see you again.” 

“It’s not awful to see you too, princeling. See you out here. With clothes.” Rosh pulled Ayub away from the door. 

Simon’s voice came out muffled by the coverlet. “I’m so, so sorry about them.” 

“It’s…not how I wanted to see them again, but you have to admit…” Wille patted Simon’s head. “It was kinda funny.”

Simon and Wille emerged fifteen minutes later, and belated birthday celebrations for Simon commenced. Rosh begged to leave football camp early, Linda had taken the afternoon off and Sara had baked a cake. They sang happy birthday for him, in Swedish and Spanish. Then Wille gave him his birthday gift, since he had been in Mallorca on the actual day. Later, they would go bowling, but for now it was family time.

They sat around the table, eating cake, and after a while conversation naturally turned to the next school year.

“So, Wille, did you decide where you’re going?” Ayub asked.

“Yeah, I convinced my mom that Stockholm International School would be a good fit, especially with Felice and Maddie also going.”

“That will be lovely for you Wilhelm, I’m so glad you’ll have your friends there.” Linda reached across Simon and patted Wille’s hand.

“Did your mom argue a lot about it? Also,” Rosh continued under her breath, “it’s so weird that your mom is the Queen of Sweden.”

Wille ignored that last part. “She would have preferred that I go to another boarding school in Switzerland, for…social and security reasons.” Simon made a face and Wille stroked his neck. “But I didn’t want to be in another environment like Hillerska, and of course I didn’t like the distance from Sweden.”

Ayub cocked his head. “How is the international school going to be any different?” 

“I don’t know for certain that it is, but it seems pretty promising. It sounds like the people who go there are more diverse. And anyway, if it’s awful, at least I’m closer than Switzerland.”

Sara interjected. “What are your and Simon’s plans for your long-distance relationship?” 

Wille and Simon looked at each other, then Simon addressed his mother. “Mamma , we actually wanted to talk to you, at some point while Wille’s here. We’re going to text and video call, of course, but we also want to see each other regularly. So can we look at the year to plan out weekends and holidays, to see when we can visit each other?”

“Of course mi amor! And the sooner we know, the earlier we can book the cheaper tickets.”

Wille opened his mouth to say that he could cover it, or have the Palace send a car, but Simon jabbed his thigh. 

“Thank you mamma.”

Rosh looked at Simon and Wille. “So he’ll be at this…international school, and you’ll be at Marieberg?”

Simon narrowed his eyes at her. “Obviously.” 

“Are you…looking forward to going back to Marieberg, Simme?” 

That didn’t seem to be what Rosh was going to ask, but Wille let it go as Simon continued. “I mean,” Simon shrugged, “the attention won’t be great, but it’ll be fine. I’ll have you three. I just need to focus on getting into a music program after we graduate. And besides, Marieberg can’t be worse than Hillerska, so if I could survive that, I can deal with going back to Marieberg.”

Wait. “What?”

Simon looked at Wille. “What, what?”

“What do you mean, Marieberg can’t be worse than Hillerska?”

Simon looked at Wille quizzically. “I mean, there were some good things last year — I met you, of course, and Felice and Maddie, and choir was generally fun, but…yeah, last year sucked.”

“Well, I’m going to miss the school,” Sara said. “Even though some crazy shit went down.”

All six people at the table nodded emphatically.

Fifteen minutes after their arrival, Wille decided the bowling arcade was a magical wonderland. Rosh seemed less convinced by his enthusiasm.

“So you want to throw a five kilo ball in the air?”

“Yes!”

“And you like the germy arcade machines?”

“Double yes!”

“And the greasy fries and soggy pizza?” 

“Especially that!”

“And the shoes that we share with every other customer?”

“Ye– what?”

Rosh smirked. “You have to rent bowling shoes, unless you have a spare pair hiding in that fringe of yours.” 

“Why are there special bowling shoes??”

“The floor has to be slippery to allow you to slide properly,” Sara explained, “and street shoes will scuff it and don’t have the right soles.”

Wille was aghast. “So I’m sharing shoes with…with random other people? Who sweat in them? Do they at least wear socks?”

“Oh god, not this again.” Simon turned to the others as they lined up. “We had this conversation in H&M because His Majesty –”

“I’m not the king!”

“– thought the changerooms were too dirty –”

“They were!!”

“– and meanwhile,” Simon raised his voice, “I have seen, with my own eyes, Wille put his dirty ass street shoes on his pillow.”

Ayub looked at Simon strangely. “What’s wrong with that?”

Wille gestured wildly at Ayub. “See?! I’m not crazy!” He high-fived Ayub. 

“You’re all idiots,” Sara said flatly as she approached the counter. “One lane for five people please, and shoe rentals for all of us.” She turned back to the others. “Shoe sizes.”

After they left the counter and put on their shoes, Simon continued arguing with Ayub about the hygiene of shoes. Wille turned to Sara and Rosh: “Simon mentioned once that he likes going bowling or laser tag for birthdays. Do you both do that as well?”

Rosh shrugged. “Sure, or we go to the cinema. I mean, it’s Bjärstad, so there’s not a lot of choice, but for a small town we have a variety of things to do.”

“It’s because there aren’t many large cities that close, so we have some conveniences for people,” Sara said. “This is your first time going bowling Wille?”

He nodded.

“Not even in the school you went to before Hillerska?” 

Oh. That school.

“No. I was there for a very short time, so I didn’t make many friends.” He felt Simon turn towards him. “And also, even without the whole Crown Prince thing I’m not the greatest at making friends, but I really wasn’t prepared for public school. I was just too…different.” Simon rubbed his back in comfort. 

After a short silence, Ayub spoke up. “Well, you’re here now. You can hang with us when you’re in town.”

“Yeah, and I promise to give you lots of shit to make up for lost time.” 

Wille snorted. “Thank you Rosh.”

After two rounds, it became clear to Wille that he was, unfortunately, shit at bowling. He was a little peeved, since he could do most physical activities competently, if not excellently. But in bowling the angles were wrong and the weight of the ball was wrong and the shoes were slippery, and he was definitely going to land on his ass before the night was out, and he absolutely saw Simon laugh in his face when his ball landed in the gutter yet again. 

However, as he waited for his turn his eyes shifted, naturally, to Simon, and he just — he was in love with him, okay? When Simon loved something he loved with every fibre of his soul, and in this moment he loved being with his friends. And when Wille gazed on that beloved face, alight with laughter, Wille couldn’t find it in himself to be annoyed at being the butt of their teasing. 

It was what had first attracted him to Simon, Wille thought, singing a gigantic fuck you to Vincent the Turd, glowing like the heavens shone upon him in the chapel. Give me a chance to break down the walls of attitude, and Wille would respond yes and yes and yes until the last star faded, as long as Simon turned that smile in his direction. 

But last year, those bright, unfettered smiles grew fewer and farther between as the weeks passed, and as their love fractured under the weight of the world and their youth. Every time Simon smiled at him — carefree, wide, glorious — Wille would hoard it in his memories, cradling and placing it carefully in his mind. It became his personal reward, when he thought they were broken up for good. I just have to get through this day....and when he was alone he would take out a memory, rewind it, and replay it. It hurt — god, it hurt so much — but Wille would not have traded a single smile for less pain.

And so though he slipped and slid and placed last in bowling, Wille would make a fool of himself a thousand times over in the Bjärstad bowling alley if it kept that light in Simon’s face. He would fill his memories and never be impoverished again. 

“Wow, your Royal Highness sucks.”

For Rosh, however….

“Rosh! You said you’d be nice to him!” Simon hissed.

“Also, I thought you forgave him for the spring,” Sara added.

“I did! We did!” Rosh gestured to Ayub. “Believe me, if we were still truly mad at Wille –”

“I’d be dead, right.” 

“Well, we wouldn’t be hanging out with you, for sure.”

Ayub, at least, looked a little apologetic at Rosh’s bluntness. “Look, we’re glad you and Simon patched things up, and you explained yourself back in June, so as far as I’m concerned we’re good.”

Rosh narrowed her eyes at him. I’m still keeping my eye on you. Yup, that was loud and clear.

“I gotta ask though — are you still actually going to — you know.” Ayub threw his hands in the air wildly.

Rosh stared at him. “Ayub, what is that supposed to mean?”

“You know.”

“Ayub, please use your words and stop making random gestures.” 

“You know!” Ayub looked around them, and lowered his voice to a whisper. “Give up the throne.” 

Ah yes. That. Wille looked at Malin and Joakim, who were stationed at either side of their seating area, and had been looking forbiddingly at anyone who approached them or started to take their cell phones out. (They had also rented out the lanes on either side, so there was extra buffer space.) It seemed safe enough to reply. “That’s not exactly what I’m doing, but yes. It’s still happening, but it’s a long process.”

“There was a public statement, right?” said Sara. “That you’re going to concentrate on school and not do as many royal things.”

“Oh, so it’s like a soft launch? To prepare the public for when it happens?” Ayub asked.

“Pretty much.”

“What about Linda? Is she okay with all of this?” There was a pointed quality to Rosh’s question that Wille detected. 

“Rosh! Can you not?” Simon seemed to be quite irritated with Rosh, but Wille couldn’t quite pinpoint the cause. Also, he could  understand her protectiveness. 

“No, it’s okay. I was able to talk to Linda before we left for the skärgård.”

Sara rolled her eyes and stood up. “By that, he means that Linda didn’t know Wille was staying over, so she opened Simon’s door in the morning and found them. Naked. In bed.”

Simon moaned at the memory. “And then she started yelling at me.”

Wille rubbed his back sympathetically. “And then she dragged you out to the kitchen and yelled at you some more.”

“It was great.” Sara smiled gleefully. “I’m getting some food – anyone want anything?” 

“I’ll go with and grab things for everyone.” Simon got up, then Rosh leapt up quickly and said, “I’ll go too – more hands to carry stuff.” 

Wille watched Simon walk off — springy hair, purple shirt, baggy jeans. The defined line of his jaw. The long slim line of his neck as he threw back his head in laughter. 

For a long, strange moment Wille’s head swam, and he saw countless other lives where he would not have been sitting here, lucky enough to call Simon his — another life where Wille had left at Christmas, or at the end of the year, or Simon had stayed with Markus, or never left Marieberg, or never sent Wille his song. He was romantic enough to hope that they would find each other in any universe, but realistic enough to know that too much was against them. 

And so as he watched Simon from across the room, all he could think was: I will never, ever take this for granted.

“You are down bad.”

Wille’s head whipped around towards Ayub. “What?”

Ayub shook his head in mock reproach, but his eyes were accepting. “You are down so bad for Simon.”

He thought about demurring, then shrugged. “Never said I wasn’t.” 

“Yeah, but seeing it is a whole other story. It’s good to see it though — we had our doubts, hearing it from Simon this year…it got rough, bro.” 

Wille smiled ruefully. “I’m glad to get to know you and Rosh. You’re important to Simon, so…”

Ayub nodded companionably, and they sat in silence for a time. 

“Simon said he’s working at the pizzeria with you this summer?”

“Yeah. Actually, Simon was supposed to work tonight.”

Wille sat up, alarmed. “He’s skipping work? Is he going to get fired?”

Ayub raised an eyebrow. “No dude, he asked around for people to switch shifts with him.”

“Oh.”

“You really have no idea how the real world works, do you.”

He raised a shoulder. “How am I supposed to? I literally went to a mall for the first time this summer, and went grocery shopping, and did the laundry, and changed a bed –”

Ayub held up a hand. “Yeah, I get it. You haven’t done much.”

“But I feel like not knowing anything about work is worse. The rest I can figure out, but…” Wille gazed into the distance. “You were there when we first argued about jobs, during our overnight camp. It’s just…not something I have experience with, or many people in my social group. Or at least, not in the same way as you.” 

“You mean your class.”

“Yeah, that.”

“Jesus, rich people and you can’t even say it.”

“We’re not…taught to say things as they are.”

Ayub snorted. “Clearly.” 

Wille watched Simon and the others, who were starting to head back, arms laden with their food. Simon and Rosh seemed to be speaking heatedly. Then he said one last thing to Ayub. “I’m glad that Simon has you both. He has an amazing family here.”

Ayub nodded. “It’s a good vibe.”

The boys lay on their sides, Wille wrapped around Simon. His nose was buried in Simon’s curls.

“I hope you had a good belated birthday.”

He felt Simon smile, wide. “It was the best. I’m so glad you’re here.”

“I loved it.”

They stayed in silence for a while longer. Then, unbidden, Wille said, “I wish I had what you have.”

Simon turned around. “What do you mean?”

“You’re…really lucky, you know. To have your mom and Sara, and Rosh and Ayub. It’s not a large group, but you’d do anything for each other.” He shrugged minutely. “I’m glad you have that, and sometimes I wish I had it too.”

Simon studied him, then gently brushed Wille’s hair from his forehead. His fingers continued combing through his hair, pressing and stroking, and Wille could feel his body melting. 

“I think Felice and Maddie could be that for you, if you let them. And you might meet some good people at SIS.”

“I hope so.”

“That’s one of the things I guess is true about schools like Hillerska and SIS – the lack of diversity doesn’t show you other ways of thinking, but people have a lot in common straight away.”

Wille pulled back. “What do you mean by that?”

“Uh, I mean exactly that?”

“Do you think I have more in common with…with Vincent and Henry than I do with you?”

“In terms of life experiences, and how you see the world? I mean, yes? Is that a surprise?”

Wille searched Simon’s eyes. “N-no, I guess not. On paper, I suppose that’s true. But I’m not like them, Simon. I’m not.”

Simon paused, then nodded. “I know Wille.” He leaned in and kissed him. “I love you.”

Wille stroked Simon’s beloved face. “I love you so much.” 

Simon kissed him again, then nestled into the curve of Wille’s neck. As they drifted off, he murmured, “I want this with you, Wille.” 

“Me too, baby. Me too.”

Chapter Text

Wille
I’m soooooo bored

Felice

why?

Wille

Simon’s working and I have nothing to do

Maddie

you’re texting with us

Wille

You don’t count

Felice

rude

Maddie

boo hiss

Wille

I just want to be with my boyfriend 🙁

Maddie

*vomit emoji*

Wille

Rude

Felice

you don’t have anything to do?

Wille

Like?

Maddie

dude

what do you normally do with your free time?

Wille

I don’t know, I don’t normally have a lot of it. This is a first for me 

At school I’m doing school stuff, obviously. Then usually the palace gives me a bunch of crap to do, like look over speeches and packets. Or that foundation business

And I used to play video games with my brother. But obviously none of that is happening

Maddie

jesus wille

Felice

it’s nice that you have some free time now though

go for a walk?

Wille

I mean I can, but then I’d have to go with Malin, and I don’t want to stir up publicity right now in Bjärstad. I just want to lay low.

Maddie

get malin to take you somewhere remote

Wille

That sounds ominous

Maddie

malin can take ME somewhere remote

Wille

Ew

Maddie

i’m just saying, malin can get it

Felice

let’s not forget that Malin once tried to forcibly remove Wille from his room

like 

wtf 

Wille

That whole time was wtf

Honestly last year sucked

Maddie

preach 

Felice

amen

so wille, back to your problem because I have to go soon

do you have therapy homework you can do?

Wille

No

Felice

really?

Wille

Boris doesn't really give me homework, he just makes me think about what he said

Maddie

that’s homework 

you can think in your thoughts but you can also think out loud or in writing

Wille

I’m not writing during my summer vacation

Maddie

i mean, fair

Felice

clean Simon’s room? take a shower? do yoga?

Wille

I actually asked if I could go with Simon for his shift and just sit in a corner 

Maddie

please tell me simon said no straight away

Wille

He couldn’t speak

Then he said no straight away

Maddie

let me get this straight

you asked your working boyfriend if you could lurk in a corner and gaze at him for four hours, in his workplace, taking up a customer table, while he’s earning money, in public, where you’ll attract attention, and distract from his job, and probably bring more scrutiny to him

Wille

When you put it that way…

Felice

yeah boo, that’s a no

Wille

I apologised to him

And I'm still  bored!

Felice

wait, what about the foundation? is that still a thing? can you work on that?

Wille

nooooooo????

Felice

???

Maddie

wtf does that mean

Wille

I mean, it exists? But it’s in my name only. I only did it because they asked me to, which is stupid because I’m 17….what 17-year-old has a charitable foundation?? And I don’t do actual work for it

Maddie

what 17-year-old lives in a fucking palace and didn’t know how to run a washing machine until this summer?

*insert gif of “This motherfucker”*

Wille

AT LEAST I LEARNED

Felice

and how did you choose the foundation topic again?

Wille
Because it was the easiest one

Maddie

wille, no offense, but you have to find something to do besides simon 

Wille
I take offense

Felice

ew maddie 

Maddie

figure something out 

it’s getting late in ny

Felice

bye 

[Maddie offline]

wille, in all seriousness, maddie’s right 

Wille

You’re telling me that I need to get a life

Felice

no! that’s not what I mean! 

but kinda

you’ve never been able to do something just for yourself, and you have the chance now

Wille

I think falling in love with Simon was the first real thing I did for myself

Felice

I know hun

and it’s good that you stuck by him

and made that choice

but now you can make choices FOR YOU

Wille
I don’t know what that is

Felice

you’ve got time <3

Chapter Text

Let’s Eat

After living with the Erikssons for half a week, Wille’s mind inevitably began to form comparisons with his family. Take meals, for example. In some ways they were similar: both families had parents with irregular hours, and so if you wanted any family time, meals needed to be carefully scheduled in advance. 

However, Linda made a point of scheduling a family meal at least once a day, even if it was at different times in the summer. Simon told him that when they were at Marieberg, there were nights when he and Sara had to fend for themselves due to Linda’s night shifts. But otherwise it was well established that in Linda’s household, if you were present, you ate together. 

Wille did eat with his parents when he was at the palace. He liked to think that the family quarters at Drottningholm were a little more normal, especially the kitchen, and his parents were decent cooks. But it had been a long time, since well before Erik’s death, that meals were scheduled with any regularity or were more than perfunctory. Simon’s family, by contrast, showed love through food. It wasn’t always elaborate, and Sara still made fun of Simon putting ketchup on his pasta, or sometimes they ate on the sofa instead of the table. But they were together and talking and enjoying each other’s company. That was special.

What Do I Do?

Now that they were in Simon’s home, Wille was gifted with glimpses into Simon’s everyday pastimes, and in particular his connection with music. Simon sang a lot, he realised. Sometimes he hummed, or belted in the shower. Sometimes he sang idly under his breath while getting dressed. Whichever the flavour, it made Wille giddy every time.

And there was also his songwriting. Having been on the receiving end of at least two (that he knew of) songs about himself, Wille was fascinated to see it in action. He saw Simon occasionally jotting down lyrics in his phone, or recording a short snippet in his voice memos for later. Earlier on Saturday, he lay in bed while Simon played around with some chords on his keyboard. He never shared details about what he was writing, and after he hid his face in a pillow when Wille asked about it once, Wille never asked again. But he wished Simon knew how much he admired his drive and motivation. How did these words and melodies just flow out of a single human being? How could anyone possibly be that perfect?  

However, it was brought home to Wille that he, contrary to Simon, was bringing nothing to this relationship except family drama. Simon had invited Wille into his life of music and bowling and video games and family; what had Wille shared? On Sunday morning, he asked. 

“Simon?” 

Simon didn’t move from where he lay curled up next to Wille. “Mmm?”

“What do you do for fun besides music and video games?”

“See Ayub and Rosh.” 

“What else?”

“Talk to you.” 

“Why am I second on that list?”

“You asked what I do for fun.”

“So I’m a chore to you.”

Simon paused minutely. “No, of course not.”

“Why did you pause?”

“Becuase I wasn’t sure if you were joking, so I decided to play it safe.”

“You would have said yes, I’m a chore?”

He felt Simon shrug. “Jokingly. But we’re not there yet.”

Wille examined his thoughts. “I think – I think we could be there soon. I was…mainly joking.” 

Simon turned his head and kissed his shoulder. “Okay.”

They stayed silent for a while, then Wille said, “So then what else do you do for fun?”

“Willleeeee,” Simon groaned. 

“No seriously. I want to know.” 

Simon huffed in exasperation. “Why?”

“Can you just answer?”

“Fine. Not much, honestly?”

“Do you do any sports for fun?”

“I played football for a time, like Rosh and everyone else in Sweden. But unlike Rosh I stopped when it wasn’t fun any more.”

“Did something happen?”

“I’m not much of a team player, in the football sense. I like to use my free time to think, and I can’t do that when I’m being yelled at. Also, I don’t really like running. Too much sweating. And after I came out, there were some homophobic comments. So I just cut my losses.”

Wille rubbed Simon’s arm comfortingly. “Sorry.”

Simon shrugged. “It happens. Does that answer your question?”

“Are there any sports you would do, if you could? You clearly keep fit somehow.” Wille’s hands began migrating.

“I actually didn’t hate rowing, if you can believe it. It was just the people that sucked. And I –” Simon’s breath hitched “– I like long walks.” 

“Mmm.” Wille’s hands wandered south. “That’s clear. Good job, long walks.”

“Do you – do you want to go on one tomorrow?” Simon’s voice was becoming feebler.

“Sure. Will you be okay with some sweating now, though?”

Simon cracked up. 

A Guide to Home Construction in Sweden

Wille had lived in exactly three places in his life: Drottningholm, Solliden, and Hillerska. He hadn’t realised until he stayed with the Erikssons that his understanding of construction was perhaps a little skewed.

He had obviously stayed in other places. At his age he had not attended many overnight visits as part of his royal duties, but they had existed. However those were mainly hotels or the homes of foreign dignitaries, like in Mallorca, so they didn’t count.

At Drottningholm and Solliden, things were very quiet. It was incredible how the hullabaloo of royal work was easily muffled by thick stone walls and considerable distances. A cousin who snores? Put them two doors down. A visiting royal couple who had nightcaps (and morningcaps and nooncaps) rather frequently? There’s a whole wing for that. Want to avoid Jan-Olof and can’t escape your room? Drag an armchair into the ensuite and lock the door. Life was astonishingly lonely in a royal residence, but at least it was quiet. 

Hillerska was different, but Wille didn’t expect anything else. It was a boarding school, and they lived in close quarters, in dorms with no locks. Everyone was on top of each other. It was one of the things that had enraged him — there was already no privacy, and people still couldn’t respect the basic demand for such. 

After some time at Felice’s summer home and the Erikssons though, Wille was beginning to realise that this was probably more reflective of real life than the palaces he had lived in. (He also realised that was an objectively asinine thing to even think, but in the privacy of his head he would be as dumb as he wanted.) Like Felice’s home, the walls in the Erikssons’ flat felt very thin. Simon’s bedroom was luckily in a corner of the flat, and didn’t share any walls with the other bedrooms. But Wille was hyper aware of others in the smaller space, particularly in these first few days as he adjusted.

He knew Simon had cottoned on that something was amiss by Friday, when Wille left the room to go to the bathroom, then came back, then left again, and came back, all within the span of fifteen minutes and looking more agitated each time. When he came back a third time, now trying not to dance in place, Simon confronted him directly.

“Wille. What’s wrong.”

“I – I – I have to go to the bathroom.”

Simon stared at him. “So go.”

“I – I can’t.”

“See, this is why I eat so many satsumas.”

“NO! That’s not what I meant!!”

“Then what?” Simon looked so cute when he was confused, but on the distress scale of zero to hundred Wille was nearing ‘imminent explosion’, and he couldn’t afford to be distracted. 

He opened his mouth to explain, and wanted to sink into the floor. Then he gulped and whispered, “I can’t go when Sara’s on the other side of the wall.”

Simon’s eyes opened wide. Then he sucked his lips in. His cheeks hollowed and his eyes squeezed shut. It looked like he was also biting the inside of his cheek. Wille loved his boyfriend, but if he laughed Wille would murder him.

Simon cleared his throat, loudly. “You don’t want Sara to hear?” 

“NO!”

“She probably has her headphones in. And you can just turn on the tap if you need additional…noise interference.”

He changed his mind. He had the best boyfriend in the world. He would kiss him properly when he got back. 

Although maybe not. As he ran out the door, he thought he heard muffled snickers behind him. 

My Future Sister-In-Law (Hopefully)

Wille didn’t really know Sara that well. They hadn’t hung around much at school, and she mostly stuck around Felice and Maddie during their vacation. She was pretty quiet, in those two weeks, but perhaps that’s because she and the girls were still figuring things out. 

He realised, however, that when she was at home, in her element, Sara Eriksson was kind of bitchy. In the absolute best way.

“Simon.” Sara seemed to be calling from the other end of the flat. 

“What?”

Sara came stalking into the kitchen and threw something in Simon’s face. It landed in the pot of tomato sauce. Simon screamed and pulled the saucepan off the stove.

“SARA WHAT THE FUCK?”

“That’s your last warning. Hopefully it will teach you to collect your fucking laundry from the washer.”

She turned on her heel and marched off. Simon followed, shouting at her. 

Wille turned off the burner and peered into the pot. A pair of damp boxers hung off the edge, partially submerged in the pasta sauce. Like a hot tub. 

Simon came back while Wille was still staring down at the pot. “I’m sorry about that.” 

“Um. It’s okay. Uh. I hope those aren’t your favourite pair.” 

They looked at each other, then burst out laughing.

A Glimpse Into the Future

Wille realised that he was fantasising very far into the future, but he imagined that this was what a life with Simon could look like. Going to work, hanging out with friends for birthdays and on the weekend. Sharing meals with Sara and Linda, and hopefully Felice and Maddie and their partners and families. Their two weeks in the skärgård didn’t quite count, compared to his time in Bjärstad; for one, Wille and Simon had been in probably the most hyper intense, tunnel-visioned period of their relationship ever, and for another, it was summer vacation. No school, no jobs, just sun, sex, and food. (And the occasional phone call to psychotherapists and monarchs, but who doesn’t?)

But this felt like Real Life. It made him wistful for another universe where he was just a normal person. Maybe Linda and Micke had decided to live in Stockholm, and he and Simon had met at a cafe. It was nice to think about. 

There’d need to be some tweaks to their future, though. For one thing, even in his deepest fantasies he couldn’t picture a world where they both went to work and came back in the evenings, simply because Wille had no clue what his future looked like. Was he getting a regular 9 to 5? He’d need to figure that out. And for another, he had no idea how Simon was going to adjust to normal person hours as an adult. Living with him over the summer had proved he was a true night owl. If choir practice at Marieberg was before school, his boyfriend was screwed.

+1 : Good to Know

Wille was helping Sara make dinner today, for their Sunday family meal. He found himself liking the simple tasks assigned to him. He wasn’t up to any serious cooking, and his knife skills still left a lot to be desired. But the palace chef had given him and Erik some lessons in the past, so he wasn’t wholly useless. He’d still prefer taking direction from someone though.

Four days into his visit, and surprisingly he found he liked cooking with Sara the most. He and Simon were mutual distractions for each other, and he was still a little stiff around Linda. But Sara just put on some music, gave him direct instructions, answered his questions, and otherwise left him to it. Very peaceful.

Today, Simon was more present in the kitchen than usual. The only other time Wille had cooked with Sara, Simon stayed in the other room talking to Linda. But now Simon was passing through, stealing pieces of vegetables, watching them, joking around. And with each pass through the kitchen, he would end up touching Wille, and Wille would reciprocate. Not in a sexual way, though. It would just be a stroke of his arm, or putting his hand on Wille’s back as he bent over the stove, or leaning into Wille as he stirred the pot, and Wille’s arm would drape over Simon’s shoulders. It was nice.

When they were nearly finished, Simon left to set the table and get Linda.

“Sara, is the meat done? Can I turn it off?”

Sara peered into his frying pan and poked around. “Yes.”

“Okay.” He switched off the stove and grabbed a dish. 

“You and Simon touch each other a lot.”

He nearly dropped the frying pan. What was he supposed to say to that? “Um. Yes? I guess we do?”

“It must be nice.” 

He concentrated on spooning the beans and pork into the dish. His answer was immediate though. “It is. It really is.”

“Why do you find it nice?” 

“Um.” Where was this coming from? Then to his horror, he remembered her weird, twisted history with August. Please let this not relate in some way to August, please. “I guess I just like knowing that he’s there. He’s letting me know that too? And I like hugs. And holding hands, and things.” Fuck this was so awkward.

Sara did not seem weirded out. She just nodded. “If you like them, and if it helps you, then you should ask for them more often.” 

“Wait, what?” He whipped his head round, utensil held aloft mid-spoon.

“If you need something, you should ask for it. Especially from people you care about, and who care about you.”

He studied her. She wasn’t wrong. 

“I — okay? Thank you?”

Sara nodded again. “The spoon is dripping on the floor. Please clean it up before we eat, otherwise it will be harder to wipe after.” And she carried the other plates out. Stunned, he did as he was told.

After dinner, he and Simon left to go to their room. Simon turned towards him immediately, a certain light in his eyes, but Wille stopped him. “Wait.” He paused, and thought about what Sara said. “Before we, you know – can we just cuddle first? And maybe watch something?” 

Simon cocked his head, then smiled. “Of course we can.” 

“And. Um. Can I be the little spoon?” 

Simon smiled even wider. “Of course.” 

They settled into bed, lights off, a movie playing on Simon’s laptop. Then Simon whispered, “Is this what you wanted?”

Wille nodded, and gripped Simon’s arms around him even tighter. “This is everything.”

Chapter Text

Group chat: Hillersar Class of Never 🖕

Felice

uhhhhhhhh

guys

Maddie

yeah?

felice babe u there? u disappeared

Sara

felice

Wille

Feli?

MY Simon 💜

ru ok??

Maddie

wtf where’d she go it’s been like ten minutes

FELICE we’re getting worried if you don’t text back in two minutes we’re calling the police

better yet we’re calling the queen 

wille?

Wille

On it

Maddie

countdown starts now

Felice

im fine, just give me a second to process

MY Simon 💜

process what?????? 

Sara

what is happening

Felice

my parents just got an email which they sent to me 

im forwarding it now check ur emails

Wille

WHAT THE FUCK

Maddie

WHAT THE FUCK

MY Simon 💜

WHAT THE FUCK

Sara

what the fuck

Felice

yeah

video call 

now

[Forwarded email]

Kära Hillerska samhället,

On behalf of the board of governors, I am delighted to announce that Hillerska will be reopening. Following numerous discussions with the School Inspectorate, we have established a detailed and concrete plan of action that, happily, allows Hillerska to resume full operations in September. 

We wish to assure you that the safety of our students remains of paramount importance at Hillerska, and that all students will feel included and welcomed. As such, new changes and policies have been implemented and will be upheld rigourously by all staff and faculty. 

Leading our school next year will be our new principal Andreas Jönsson, who, prior to his current position in the National Agency for Education, brings fifteen years’ experience as principal and teacher in numerous gymnasier in Skärholmen. Further information regarding our staff and faculty follows:

• We welcome Gerda Sjöberg ‘92 to the new position of Deputy Principal of Student Life, and who will oversee all aspects of extra-curricular activities, house competitions, student leadership, and social events.
• The academic education at Hillerska has been in strong standing for decades, and we are happy to announce that all past faculty members will be returning.
• We also welcome our two new housemasters, Jakob Lindgren and Robin Sundqvist, and two new housemistresses, Titti Kjellberg and Ingvor Johansson ‘82.

We offer our full cooperation to the School Inspectorate, with whom we will be collaborating closely over the next two years.

Detailed information on enrollment and updated school policies can be found in the attached documents. To ensure adequate preparation for the new school year, preliminary registration and a deposit are due Friday August 8, 16h00.

Med vänliga hälsningar,

Teodor Karlsson

Chair of the Board of Trustees

Hillerska Skolan

[Video call, 4 screens]

Maddie: Guys. This is crazy.

Simon: I just don’t understand how this could even happen. I assume the testimonies were pretty fucking clear – and they just decide that it’s okay?

Felice: Can’t speak for others, but I was extremely clear. 

Maddie: And then there was also the whistleblower who went to the papers.

Felice: Jesus. Fredrika and Stella just texted me and wanted to know if I was coming back. 

Maddie: Just ignore them. 

Sara: So you think Hillerska is actually reopening? 

Simon: I still don’t see HOW. How can they just erase what they’ve done, and snap their fingers and make it go away?

Felice: I don’t know for sure, but I can guess. I’ve been hearing my parents talk this whole summer about Hillerska, especially my mom. It has to be the alum who leaned on the School Inspectorate, or pulled some strings or whatever. But the bottom line is…

Simon [resigned]: They got their way. Of course they fucking did.

Maddie: Felice – how do you feel about all of this?

Felice: Like – I don’t know how to feel. A part of me is really angry, as if I went through all of that bullshit with the girls, and spoke up, for nothing – and now it’s gone nowhere, because we could turn up and it’ll all be the same again. 

Sara: But they said they were making changes. There’s a new principal and all the housemistresses are different, and a new role to make sure that students are looked after outside of classes.

Simon: Sara, none of that will make a difference! They’re just saying it to keep the School Inspectorate happy, and maybe it’ll be better for a few years, but they’ll always go back to the way things were.

Maddie: I mean, you noticed that the new Deputy Principal and one of the housemistresses are Hillersar, right. That’s not a coincidence. 

Felice: Wille? You’ve been very quiet. What do you think?

Wille: I don’t know what to think. [Glances at Simon] I’m not sure – I’ll have to talk to mamma . 

Maddie: Oh shit – do you think your mom actually influenced them to reopen??

Wille: No. She’s not allowed to do that, and it’s pretty against the rules. 

Simon: Right, because that’s what she’s been so concerned with all this time.

[Awkward pause]

Felice: Should we talk again tomorrow, after we’ve processed? And maybe discussed this with our parents? 

Maddie: I have an aunt here who’s worked in private schools before. I can ask her some questions to get her perspective?

Felice: Yeah, that’d be nice. I’m going to go now.

Maddie: Me too - it’s dinnertime in New York. 

Simon: Sara, can you stay on the line?

[Felice and Maddie hang up] 

Simon: Sara, you want to go back don’t you.

Sara: I haven’t decided, but I don’t see why not. I didn’t like Marieberg, and even if none of you is at Hillerska I’ll be closer to the horses. And I might be able to keep my boarding scholarship. 

Simon: You’d – rather go back to Hillerska, even if none of us do, and be alone, than go to Marieberg with your friends?!

Sara [annoyed]: I am capable of making new friends Simon. And Ayub and Rosh are your friends, not mine. At least people at Hillerska didn’t bully me like crazy for no reason, and it’s familiar. 

Simon: How familiar will it be with a totally new school environment and no one you know except the same assholes who ostracized you?

Sara: You and Felice just said that nothing would change! And that it would probably just be the same! 

Wille: Simon, why do you say Sara won’t know anyone?

Simon: Well – because – wait, Wille, are you thinking of going back?

Wille: I’m just – thinking, right now. But if you were at Marieberg, and I went back, then we wouldn’t have to be long distance. And you could even, maybe, I don’t know…

Simon: …Go back to Hillerska. With you. 

Wille: Would that be so bad? You could even try for a boarding scholarship, like Sara. 

Simon: I see. 

Sara: I’ll see you later at home.

[End call]

After Sara hung up, Wille and Simon sat in silence, on edge. Then:

“Simon, do you –”

“Can we not talk about it right now? I just need to think.” 

“Okay. What do you want to do?”

“Um, mamma asked us to go get groceries. Can we just do that? And then I have a shift this evening, so…”

“Okay.”

Chapter Text

[Video Call, 4 screens] 

Felice: Hej everyone – Sara, are you at the stables?

Sara: Yeah, they said I could come in.

Maddie: How’s everyone doing?

[Chorus of “eh”]

Wille: Maddie, were you able to speak to your aunt and get her thoughts?

Maddie: Oh, right. Yeah, I talked to her and made some notes. [Pulls laptop over] So, she doesn’t know anything about the Swedish education system, obviously. But she agrees with Felice: alum are powerful, have connections, behind-the-scenes mojo, bang, voila, school reopens, along with lots of promises of change. My aunt read the email and all the documents, and she said that an alum as the new Deputy Principal could go either way, depending on that person’s background.

Sara: What does she mean by that?

Maddie [checks notes]: Uhhhh, I think she meant that they could be supportive of the new policies? Or, like, undermine them in sneaky ways. But she thinks it won’t matter, because the board of governors hasn’t changed, and the entire faculty hasn’t changed. And we did some digging, and in addition to the housemistress who’s an alum, two of the housemasters have connections to Hillerska. So the policies might look good on paper, but if no one enforces it, and there’s probably going to be a shit ton of alum and parents who just want things to go back to the way things were, or say there was never anything wrong and just some sensitive complainers blah blah blah -

Felice: The majority culture will win.

Maddie: Mm-hm. My aunt bets that there probably will be some change in the next two years, especially if they get inspected again –

Wille: What?! Again?

Maddie: Yeah, she said it can happen, if a school gets a bad grade or whatever, they’ll be inspected real quick to make sure that changes go through. But , a lot of the changes are probably superficial, because the school culture is so strong, and also because the students and parents don’t actually want to change.

Felice: Yeah, we saw what happened with Vincent and Rektor Hamilton. 

Maddie: [snort] She folded real quick. 

Wille: But how do you know that the changes won’t last? The School Inspectorate is there to make sure it happens, and they have the power to close the school again, right? 

Simon: Wille, the School Inspectorate is a joke. They paraded through our lunches and everyone just put on a show, then Hamilton cherrypicked the Black girl who they thought was “on their side”, just to show how diverse the school was! 

Felice: Can you imagine if she’d picked you Simon? The non-res anti-monarchist Latino sosse ?

Simon: I’d have had more respect if they did! They barely pretended to make it fair. Nothing about that inspection showed the true Hillerska, and nothing about these new policies is going to stick because the people of Hillerska don’t want change. 

Wille: But –

Felice: Wille, Simon’s right. It’s just the reality. 

Wille: But how can we expect a different reality if we don’t try to change from within?

Simon: Change doesn’t come from asshole schools like Hillerska!

Wille: The people from Hillerska run this country, so that’s exactly where change needs to happen!

[Silence]

Felice: I talked to my parents, separately. My mom wants me to go back, of course, but my dad will support me. And [deep breath] I’m sorry Sara, but I don’t want to return. Maybe the school will be better, but it’s not worth the risk. I’ve been following the social media of some kids at SIS, and honestly they seem pretty cool. And, like, actually more diverse. In a not-fake way. 

Maddie: SIS is where I thought my parents would send me, before they dropped the Hillerska bomb on me. So if Felice is going to SIS, so am I. 

Felice: Wille, have you talked to your mom yet? 

Wille: No, we’re speaking later this afternoon.

Maddie: Sara? Simon? Have you discussed this with your mom?

Simon: Yeah. We did. Sara can do what she wants, but I’m not going back. [Wille’s head twitches towards Simon]

Sara: I’m still thinking. But if I’m not going to be with Felice and Maddie then I might as well be with horses.

Maddie: Sorry for abandoning you, Sara. 

Simon [hurt]: So you’d rather be with horses than be with me. 

Sara: Simon, you know how bad Marieberg was for me. You can’t be there all the time to stop them from bullying me. We won’t be together forever.

Simon [opens his mouth, then stops]: We’ll talk later.

Felice: Okay – let us know how it goes guys. Bye.

[End call]

“Simon –”

“Not now, Wille.” And Simon shut himself in the bathroom.

Later that day, Simon sat beside Wille at the kitchen table, waiting for the Queen to pick up. 

“Hello Wilhelm.”

“Hej mamma.”

“How are you doing?”

“Thinking about next year. I talked to my friends about it.”

“What have they decided?”

“Felice and Maddie are likely to still go to SIS.” 

“And Simon?”

Wille fought hard not to look in his direction. “He…really doesn’t want to go back to Hillerska.”

“I see.” 

“Mamma, did you have anything to do with the school reopening?”

“No, Wilhelm, I did not. And even if I could have interfered in this matter, which would have been a severe abuse of power, I would not have.”

Wille saw Simon’s eyebrows go up.

“You – you wouldn’t have? Why not? You were the one who wanted me to go there in the first place.”

“Yes, then. However, under the current circumstances it would be unwise to continue my association with Hillerska, and your pappa and I will be distancing ourselves from the school for the next few years. We wish them well, of course, but it is in our best interests to leave them alone for a time…” 

“I – I see.” 

“Has Farima contacted you about your registration at Stockholm International School? I believe she needs your input on the course selection before she meets with them.” 

“Actually – mamma, I was considering returning to Hillerska.”

There was silence. Then:

“Excuse me?”

“I know that awful things happened there, but I think this might be a way to use my presence for good, and help support the new changes and policies.” 

“No.”

“What?”

“No, I will not permit you to return to Hillerska, and I speak as both your mother and your Queen. Did you not hear a word I just said? Under no circumstances can we be further associated with the school, until demonstrable changes have taken effect.” 

“But if I were there the changes might move along faster!” 

“Wilhelm, that is not your responsibility. What is this about? You seemed enthusiastic about going to SIS; I didn’t think you cared that much about staying at Hillers–” She paused. “Wilhelm, is Simon returning to Hillerska? I would be greatly surprised, if that were the case.”

“No, he’s returning to Marieberg in Bjärstad. But is it so awful that we want to be together?”

Wille could feel his mother narrow her eyes at him over the phone. “Is that ‘we’ plural, or ‘we’ singular?”

He side-eyed Simon. “We’re still discussing.”

She clicked her tongue. “I see. So I will interpret this as Simon disapproving of your inclination to return to Hillerska.”

“Mamma that’s not –”

“And on that, Simon and I agree. I will not approve your return to Hillerska, so you may as well give it up. Go to SIS with Felice — it’s for the best.” 

Wille hung up. 

“You’re not going back to Hillerska, are you?”

”No, Wille. Not ever.” 

Wille nodded once, shortly, then went to the bathroom and shut the door.

Chapter Text

When Rosh was ten, she moved up a level in the football league. She got faster and stronger, and Simon was so proud of her. However, it also meant that when they were at each others’ houses playing video games, Rosh was inevitably the first to grab the best seat at the table (grandmothers excepted), the first to snatch the only controller without the sticky buttons, and the definite winner of any kind of shoving match. 

One day, they all went bowling. At the time, she and Simon wore similar size shoes, and the bowling arcade only had two pairs — the shitty one, and the even shittier one. As they raced to get the not-so-shitty pair, Rosh shoved Simon a little too hard, and he went flying into the counter. 

That’s how he got his scar, the one in the corner of his mouth. 

In the twelve years they’ve known each other, that was the only time Simon has ever seen Rosh cry. She sobbed and apologized and was completely distraught, and he forgave her almost instantly. She was always more careful afterwards, and nothing like that ever happened again.

Simon forgave her. Truly, he did. But for years afterwards, there was always a small part of him that was extra aware of Rosh’s movements, and monitoring. Just in case. 

Simon didn’t hold grudges. It took too much effort, and he preferred conserving his energy for other endeavours. But his body had a long memory when it had been hurt, and it sometimes came out when he didn’t intend it to.

By Wednesday, the tension had ratcheted up to an almost unbearable pitch. In between phone calls, work, and family meals, the past two days had been spent in silence, avoidance, and procrastination, neither Simon nor Wille wanting to ruin their time together, but each stewing inside. 

They spent the morning lazing in bed, and had a simple lunch before going for a walk; Simon had a shift in the evening. In hindsight, Simon realised that was poor decision making on their parts, both of them too tense to enjoy the walk, and any discussion in the open impossible due to its public nature. The deadline for enrollment was Friday, and the clock was ticking. 

When they returned home, Sara was at the stables and their mother was still at work. So the minute they closed the door, Simon turned to Wille.

“We need to talk.”

Wille threw his cap on the table and ran a hand through his hair. “I just don’t understand why you can’t come back to Hillerska. It would solve all our problems.”

“Wille, we don’t have any problems. We’ll be long-distance, and it’ll be hard, but that’s not a problem. Hillerska is the problem.”

“Look, I know you didn’t have the greatest time there –”

Simon scoffed. “Wille, I was treated like shit from day one and it never stopped.”

“But it won’t be nearly as bad with August and the rest of the third-years gone.”

“It’ll be exactly as bad because the rest are no better! Henry, Valter, Stella — they’re all the same kinds of people, and they’ll never change.” 

Wille stared at him, resentment rising in his face. “The same kinds of people. So you mean people like me.” 

Oh God, not this again. “Wille, you’re not exactly like them, but –”

“No, no, don’t hold back.” And Wille was getting agitated. “You’ve said it before – I’m exactly like them, right? Well, I didn’t ask to be born into this family, with this colour of skin, and I don’t want it! I’m doing everything I can to literally not have it!”

Simon looked Wille dead in the eye. “You want to not be white?” he drawled.

At least he was self-aware enough to blush, because that was categorically one of the dumbest things Wille had ever said. “You know that’s not what I meant.” 

“Yeah, I know what you meant,” Simon said bitterly. “You didn’t ask for either of those things, but you still have them. That’s what privilege is.” 

“Which is why I want to do something about it, but you keep saying I shouldn’t.” 

Simon grabbed his hair in frustration. “Don’t put words in my mouth, I never said you shouldn’t help others. But don’t pretend you want to go back to Hillerska for noble reasons.”

“You think it’s easy for me to go back to that stupid, stupid school?”

“Then why are you?!”

“Because I want to be closer to you! Obviously!”

Simon inhaled deeply and tried to rein in his frustration. “Wille, I would love for you to be closer, but not if you’re going to be away from your friends at a school you don’t like.”

Wille sat heavily into a kitchen chair. “Look, I won’t pretend that I wouldn’t prefer going to SIS with Felice and Maddie. But Simon, I don’t want to be further away from you. Things have been hard enough for us, don’t we deserve something easier? Or normal?”

“Of course we do, but normal is not Hillerska, with the –  the standing on the table and using the first-years as servants, and all that crap.” 

“Why do you keep ignoring their new policies?”

“Why do you keep going on about helping them? It doesn’t make sense. You say you want to have influence in the school, but either you’re Kronsprins and you have unfair influence, like your mom said. Or you’re not Kronprins and you don’t have any power, which is what you want. You can’t have it both ways.”

“There are other ways to do it besides just using my title! I did it last year! I got August kicked out as prefect! My speech at the jubilee inspired someone to speak out! And – and apparently me sitting down for Vincent’s little strike did some good, I don’t know!” 

Simon loved his boyfriend, but there were times when he wanted to smack some sense into him. “Wille, the first one was spite and the last one was pure privileged selfishness.” Wille looked outraged, but Simon barrelled on. “And while the second one turned out well, you didn’t speak out to inspire all the students who’ve been abused — you spoke out for yourself. And that’s a good thing. But you weren’t trying to help others in that moment.” He looked away, suddenly exhausted. 

“Wille, I really don’t understand where this is coming from. Just last week you said you didn’t want to be in a school like that again, but now you want to go back and help them? A place that produced generations of boys abusing others?”

Wille looked stubbornly at Simon. “Well, maybe if someone spoke out from the inside it would stop.”

“Wille,” Simon said, low and intent, “Hillerska is rotten to its core. That kind of place doesn’t get remade, it needs to be burned to the ground.”

“I told you before, it’s mainly the people who were awful, Vincent and August and one or two teachers, but the rest –”

And the last thread tethering his patience snapped.

“Oh? The rest were fine? So it was fine that students were allowed to literally buy their way to better grades. And it was fine that I had to make a choice between a part-time job and joining a non-academic rowing team in order to improve my academic grade.” 

“That –”

“And it was fine that Mamà could come for the Parents’ Day ceremony, but somehow not a single teacher told her their bullshit rule that us peasants aren’t allowed to eat with the nobility, until fucking August,” Simon spat out, “our oh-so-generous prefect, decided to let us stay.” 

“That’s not really —”

“And oh, it’s totally and completely fine that there’s never any supervision, so 18-year-olds can publicly nominate a “Class Import”, and force you to drink spit and get high and blackout drunk, and where the school prefect was able to record and post a sex video of minors on school campus — but whatever, that’s – all – fine!” 

The silence rang with his heavy breathing as Wille stared at him. Simon walked to the window and gazed out of it, unseeing. 

“Wille. None of that happens just because of shitty people. It happens because it’s allowed. It allows for the cover-ups, and for August to do what he did, and – and –” he took a deep breath, “– and what you did. And me.”

He could feel Wille reel in astonishment. “What we did? Simon, what are you talking about, we were the victims!”

Simon whirled around. “Wille, you shoved a loaded gun into someone’s face.” 

Wille’s head reared back, as if Simon had slapped him. 

“You could have killed him. For real. You could have murdered your cousin. And he started it, he committed a crime against us, Wille – but so did you, against him. And – and so did I, I shouldn’t have stolen my dad’s drugs and sold them, and asked him to buy us alcohol, because that was also a crime – and –” 

He felt something wet hit his collar. He didn’t think he had more tears to cry after this year. 

Wille looked pained. “Simon, those aren’t the same things.” 

“But they were wrong. And everyone just gets away with everything, and that’s not right, that’s not right, Wille, don’t you see?”

Wille looked like he wanted to approach, but Simon held him off. “No, I need to finish this.” He wiped his face with his sleeve, and sniffled. Then continued in a whisper, begging Wille to understand. “My dad is an alcoholic and addict and my mom is a Venezuelan shiftworker. But I could get a fucking PhD for free in Sweden — it wouldn’t be easy, but I can. So there’s no reason for all this extra abuse and hierarchy, but Hillerska still exists because of the people.”

Wille looked gutted, and was hugging himself, gripping hard. “Simon, I – I have to believe that people can change.”

Ah. There it was.

Simon looked at his boyfriend, and saw a boy who had been trying his best his whole life, and was still attempting to build a bridge across the chasm of their differences. Simon admired him for that. But there were some truths that would never change. 

“You can believe that, Wille. But my family gets doxxed and our windows smashed in. You are different from the others, and it’s despite your background. But Vincent is never going to be a better person, because places like Hillerska allow him to be shit to others, and don’t force him to be better. You said it yesterday: Vincent will grow up to run our world, surrounded by people like him, in places like Hillerska, and it won’t change. No matter the promises they make.”

Wille looked like he was grasping for words. “So – so, we just let it happen? We don’t try?”

Simon rubbed his eyes. “It’s not your job to change the school, especially if you don’t want to go back. And I’m not sure you do.” He stood up. “I have to go to work.” He grabbed some satsumas and put them in his bag. “You should pick a school based on what you want for yourself. Not because of me, not anything else.” He put his backpack on. Wille stood there, unmoving. “And maybe, at some point, consider helping people who actually need it, and not rich morons who confuse communism with basic human rights.” 

Simon reached the door, but paused and looked back. Wille’s face was a study in misery. He saw Wille swallow, then speak. “Are – are you breaking up with me?”

For a moment, Simon was wordless; how did Wille get that, from everything Simon had said? He would need to return to this, at a later date. “No, Wille, I’m not breaking up with you. I’m definitely frustrated, and we have a lot to talk about. But I have work now. I’ll come back, and maybe that will give us some space to think?”

Wille nodded, small. His eyes were red. “I love you. And I’m sorry.”

Simon sighed. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for. We’re just…different. Right?”

Wille nodded again. 

“Okay, I have to go. I won’t be back until midnight, so you should sleep if you can.”

“Okay.”

He opened the door, then looked back again. “I love you.”

Wille looked like he was going to cry. “I love you.”

And Simon left. 

Chapter Text

When they were at the arcade last Friday, Wille played Whac-A-Mole for the first time. Without exaggeration, it was the most exhilarating, satisfying ten minutes of his life, when he had no other purpose but to extinguish the lives of as many fake furry rodents as possible. Whack. Whack. Whack whack whack. WHACK. 

He loved it. Pure, utter bliss — except the moles always ducked away from his hammer juuuuust in the nick of time. Then another would pop up, in the corner, smirking and mocking. The satisfaction when he managed to hit one, and the others cheered loudly? Joy. Absolute joy. 

He was now ruminating in bed beside Simon at 4am. And as bits of their argument continued to pop up in his mind like moles, he wished he could bludgeon them to bits so he could get some goddamn sleep. 

He was still awake when Simon came in after his shift, but he kept silent even as he felt Simon crawl in behind him and settle, leaving space between them. It was the first night ever that they didn’t go to sleep touching in some way, and it felt wrong. Doubly so on a twin bed. 

Then phrases started appearing in his mind. 

You are exactly like them. 

You’re just trying to protect him.

I can like you while disliking the monarchy, Wille. — Can you? — Yes. 

They don’t know what it’s like to be Black in this country, and they don’t care. 

That’s the reality, Wille. 

So, why did you choose this foundation topic again? — It was the easiest.

I feel like I spoke up, and for all nothing. 

Hillerska allows people to be shitty, and doesn’t force them to be better. 

Over and over, a randomized playlist on repeat designed to drive him mad.

Eventually he drifted off in a restless sleep, and didn’t stir even as he felt Simon get up. He slowly came awake much later, and stayed curled up, dozing on and off. Simon remained outside the room for most of the morning; he heard the murmur of voices and the clink of dishes, and the front door open and shut. He supposed he should get some food in him, but that could wait. 

Around midday (he presumed, he hadn’t checked his phone) Simon came back in and sat on the bed. His back was to the door but he would know him anywhere. A hand landed gently on his shoulder. “Hej.”

He swallowed. “Hej.” His voice croaked with disuse.

“Will you look at me?”

As if he wouldn’t cut off his hand if Simon asked. He turned around. 

Simon looked fine, if subdued. “Are you okay?”

Wille thought about it. Was he okay? He thought he was. He wasn’t in tears, or angry, or sad. Okay, that was a lie, he was sad because he didn’t want to be at odds with his boyfriend, but as Simon said there really wasn’t anything to be sad about. They were just different. He did have a crap ton of things to think about though — whack whack WHACK — and he couldn’t keep them straight in his head. It was confusing. 

Oh right. Respond to Simon. “I guess?”

Simon cocked an eyebrow. The first sign of life from him. It lifted Wille’s spirits. 

“How are you?”

“I’m all right. I have to leave soon.”

That made Wille sit up a little. “Why?”

“I have the afternoon shift today?”

“You work back-to-back evening and afternoon shifts? Isn’t that a lot?”

“I switched shifts last Thursday, the first day you were here. But I can’t switch again, and I’m also asking for tomorrow off, since...”  

And Wille’s face fell. Since it was the night before he left. He swallowed. “Can we talk this evening, after work?” He held out his hand on the bed, palm up.

Simon laced his fingers with Wille’s and squeezed. “Of course.” He leaned in and kissed him, warm and loving. Then leaned back and grimaced. “Your morning breath is foul.”

“You keep kissing me in the morning, so at this point it feels like a you problem.” 

“Hmph. I’m leaving.” 

Wille clutched Simon’s hand before he could leave, and all humour left his body. “I love you Simon.” Simon needed to know; he must know. “I love you so, so much. I hope you know that.”

“I do.” The slightest uptick of his lips, and oh — he had missed Simon’s smile. “I’ve never doubted it.” 

No, Wille supposed he had made that abundantly clear. He raised Simon’s hand and gently left a kiss in his palm before placing it on the bed. “Go. You’ll be late. We’ll talk later.”

He watched as Simon blew him a kiss as he left. Well. They’d be okay. 

But he did have a lot to think about, and a decision to make. 

Although if he were honest with himself, he already knew what it had to be. 

Wille opened the bedroom door shortly after Simon left, then promptly shut it again when he saw Linda at the table. Why was she there? Wasn’t she supposed to be at work? What the fuck? He threw on some clothes (because greeting your boyfriend’s-mother-who-until-recently-was-extremely-pissed-at-him with bad breath and boxers was unwise), grabbed a towel, composed himself, then entered the kitchen area. “Morning Linda.”

“Good afternoon Wilhelm.” He saw her smirk. Simon clearly got it from her.

“I’m just going to…” And he gestured vaguely in the direction of the bathroom.

“Of course. Do you want some coffee?”

Oh god yes please he would die for some. “Yes, thank you.”

After showering and brushing his teeth he felt marginally more human, and rejoined Linda. She had placed knäckebröd and spreads on the table, along with a piping hot cup of coffee. What a goddess. “Thank you so much.” 

“You’re welcome.”

They sat in silence for a time, Linda reading the news while Wille concentrated on fuel. He hadn’t realised he was so hungry. 

As his brain came back online, he snuck a few glances at Linda. The past week had confirmed his previous impressions of her: warm, loving, and protective of her children. Unafraid to show affection. Strong moral compass but not prone to anger unless really riled up. He definitely saw how Simon took after her. Except that last part, perhaps, but god knew Simon had had much cause for anger this year. He didn’t think Simon was naturally always angry. 

He couldn’t say, precisely, that he wished his mother were more like Linda, although there were some aspects that he envied in Simon’s relationship with his mom. (The hugs. Oh, how he wanted more hugs.) But he and his mother were working hard to achieve even a fraction of the open communication Simon had with Linda. It was more that he envied the environment; it must be nice to be in a family where you could just be yourself, and be heard, even if they didn’t agree with you. 

“How are you doing Wilhelm?”

He startled out of his thoughts. “I’m doing well, thank you. Is this your day off?”

“No, I have an evening shift today. I leave before Simon returns.” 

“Ah.” He didn’t know what to say next. God, he was useless as a normal person. 

Linda seemed to read his panic, because she put down the paper and turned fully to him. “How are you feeling about the last few days?”

She asked neutrally and kindly, and did not sound as if her son had any stake in his decision. And all of a sudden, out of nowhere, it just poured out of him. The news, the discussions, everyone’s opinions. The argument. The roiling mess inside him of guilt and desire to do better, and sheer frustrating ignorance. His immense confusion over his understanding of the world. 

He stopped suddenly. Who was he to talk to Linda about this? He was one of – one of the offenders, the privileged class, who had fucked her over directly. He shouldn’t have opened his mouth. 

“Where is the new principal from?”

That was not what he expected her to start with. Was that important? “You mean, where they worked before Hillerska? Um, I don’t remember. Somewhere in Stockholm, I think? I can find it.” He pulled out his phone and searched through the email. “It says he’s from Skärholmen.”

“Ah.” Linda looked resigned.

“What? What’s important about that?”

Her mouth twisted. “It’s not important, exactly. But it shows what the school is thinking.”

“I don’t understand.” 

“I have family who live in Solna, a little north of the downtown, so they tell me about the city. From what I hear, Skärholmen is mainly lower-middle class and has many cultures living there, especially Muslim people. It’s not a bad place to live, but it has an unfair reputation.”

Wille tried to put it together in his head. “So….the new Hillerska principal has worked in Skärholmen for a long time, in a diverse area. And now he’s going to Hillerska.”

“Yes.”

He turned it over in his thoughts, but couldn’t see the pitfalls. “Is that not a good thing? He can bring in some new ideas, and help students like Simon and Sara and Felice.”

“In theory, yes. But in my experience, that will not happen.” Linda leaned towards him, face intent. “I have seen this many times, Wilhelm. Something racist happens in a company, they hire someone new who represents the hurt people, they make promises, and then it all goes wrong. The new person is not given enough power or resources. Or they want to make change, and the people in charge say no. Or the other employees do not listen to the new person, and make life difficult for them. They end up leaving, or are fired. And then the company can say they tried their best but it didn’t work, so they go back to the old ways.”

Wille’s mouth opened and closed. 

“I don’t know if that will happen at Hillerska, Wilhelm.” Linda shrugged. “They had no choice but to hire someone different, to show they are serious. But I am not hopeful that this new principal will be able to make lasting change, especially with everything I have seen Simon and Sara go through, and the few times I was there myself.”   

“I see.” He mulled over her words. It wasn’t that he didn’t believe her, but…“I sat with you on Parents’ Day. You –” he picked through his words carefully “– seemed to enjoy yourself?”

She cocked her head. “It was good to see the kind of school my children were attending, and the people who they were with.”

“So…you didn’t enjoy yourself?”

“It is not that simple, Wilhelm. There is nothing to enjoy or not, when it is not designed for people like me. I listened, and treated people politely, and did not give others any reason to talk badly of me.”

He picked at his napkin. “That sounds like what Felice said her father said.” When Linda looked questioning, he clarified. “The Black man sitting next to you. He went to Hillerska as a student.”

She shrugged again. “I am not surprised.”

“Simon is still angry about the Parents’ Day luncheon.

Linda hummed. “Yes, there seem to be a lot of rules at your school that no one tells you about. It is something I noticed quickly, there is very little communication direct to parents. They are very secretive. I should not be hearing important information from my children.” 

Wille’s fingers began to shred apart his napkin. “I – I see what you’re saying, Linda, I really do. I just don’t know how —” He stopped. Collected his thoughts. “When Simon and I argued yesterday, a lot of it was because of my reasons for wanting to go back to Hillerska.” Linda nodded. “I said I wanted to try to change the school, use my privilege for good. I’ve been learning, from Simon and Felice and Maddie, and I want to help. And it would mean I could stay in Bjärstad, and not be so far away. But Simon, he – he said that my reasons weren’t good enough. And that I wouldn’t make a difference. And that Hillerska isn’t worth saving, especially since it will never change.” He trailed off. 

Linda studied Wille. “I want you to imagine something, Wilhelm. Will you do that?”

He nodded. 

“I want you to imagine that you and Simon broke up.”

He reared back.

“Please stay with me. Things did not work out between you and we moved to Göteborg. You plan to go to the international school. And then you receive news that Hillerska is reopening. In this world, do you go back?”

He replied immediately. “No.” 

“Why?”

“Because I want to be with my friends.”

“Is that not true now?”

“Yes, of course, but I just – I just want to be with Simon. Why can’t we have that?”

Linda smiled gently. “If you go back to Hillerska you will still not be with him, because Simon does not ever wish to return to Hillerska. He did it once for his sister; he will not do it again, for anyone. Even if the school had not closed, I think Simon would have left. Do you see?”

“Yes, but –”

“I also want to say this. I have not yet heard you give a reason related to Hillerska. Did you like it there?” 

Wille slowly tore his napkin apart. “I mean, after I adjusted I liked living away from the palace. But most of the lessons were boring, and people say the dumbest things there, Simon is the only one with a brain –“ Linda rolled her eyes “– and you’d think there would be more activities and clubs, with the amount our parents are paying. And the boarding traditions are so, so stupid. There’s no privacy, and everyone gossips. And they’re mean about it.” He looked up at her, and Linda was looking at him expectantly. He knew the answer was obvious, but — “But Linda, the school said they would change. They promised.”

“Ay mi amor. I cannot tell the future. But I truly do not believe they will be able to keep their promise. Lasting change takes so much time, and even then, sometimes we can’t change these old ways, not from within; we can only stop them and start over.”

He looked at her, painfully. “Linda, does Simon really believe that about me too? And the monarchy?” 

She looked hesitant, but answered plainly. “Yes.”

He exhaled roughly and scrubbed at his eyes. “I don’t disagree with him Linda. The monarchy sucks. It really, really sucks. And it sucks being inside it, and it sucks being the victim of it when you’re outside it.” 

“Yes, Simon has told me a little of what your life can be like,” she reached over and gripped his hand, “and I’m very sorry you have to go through that. Is that why you want to return to Hillerska? To be away from home?”

“Maybe a little? I just – the palace can be so – so suffocating. And I hate everything to do with being Kronprins. Next year my duties will be much lighter, but it’s like I can never escape it. I want to be a normal teenager, and do stupid stuff, and try new things.” He picked at the pieces of napkin littered across the table. “This summer, being at Felice’s house and here, has shown me how much I don’t know. I don’t know things about real life, or what I want to do.” He looked into her eyes, willing her to believe him. “The only thing that I know for sure is that I love Simon, and I love having him in my life, and I love who I am around him.”

Linda squeezed his hand. “And I can see that you love my son. Even through all of last year, I never doubted that. But I believe, Wilhelm, that it’s time to figure out who you are, so that you love yourself when you are not around Simon. Do your own learning. Try new things. And choose the school that will help you do that the best.” 

“Yeah, that’s what Simon told me. And Felice and Maddie. And Boris.” She looked inquiringly at him. “My therapist.” 

“Well, maybe you should start listening to one of us.” She winked, and the spark of mischievousness was so reminiscent of Simon it made his heart ache. 

The warmth radiating from her was also a trait her son carried, and Wille was struck by a tsunami of gratitude for this woman. “Thank you Linda. Thank you so much.” He wanted to hug her, but were they there yet? “I don’t know if I would have gotten to this point without you.”

“I’m sure you would have Wilhelm, but it doesn’t hurt to talk through it with someone.”

“That’s for sure. I learned so much from you, just today.” He paused. He wanted to say something else, but was it appropriate? “Also, I – I want to say that I’m sorry for – for what my family and my – my people have done. To you?” Was that the right way to say it? Oh god, judging by her expression he’d fucked it up.

“Wilhelm, you do not need to apologise to me on behalf of either your family or your race.”

“Oh. Okay. I’m sorry. Fuck – I shouldn’t say that either. I’m sorry, shit! Oh my god.”

She shook her head in amusement. “It is all right, Wilhelm. I’m glad you felt able to talk to me.” 

“Will you call me Wille?

Linda beamed.

Simon would be home in a couple of hours, and Linda was having a lie-down before her shift. He wanted to go for a walk, and he also had a few more things to do before Simon returned. 

But first, he had to make a phone call. He closed the door to Simon’s bedroom and turned on his phone. 

“Hej Mamma?”

“Wilhelm. Hello. How are you doing?”

“Is this a good time?”

“Yes, of course it is. Is there something you want to discuss in particular?”

“Yes Mother. I have been thinking, and have decided to continue with SIS in September. I won’t be going back to Hillerska.”

His mother sounded puzzled. “Of course you are not. We already discussed this on Tuesday.”

And just like that, his blood pressure rose and all his old resentful habits came flooding back. “Actually, we didn’t discuss it. You instructed and laid down the law, and I left the conversation. But luckily, we agree on this, so hurrah.” 

“All right then. Was there anything else?” She was definitely annoyed but trying to suppress it. Wille didn’t care. 

“Do you not want to know why I made that decision?”

His mother sighed over the phone. “Of course I do. Please, share your thinking.” 

Watch that enthusiasm, Your Majesty. He briefly laid out some of his reasoning and thought process from the past few days. “ – And I wanted to go back to Hillerska to lead by example, but I think it’s a lost cause there, and right now I’d rather spend my energy just being a normal teenager with my friends.”

“Well, you will never be a normal teenager.”

“I can’t even try?”

“Wilhelm, even if you continue with the abdication –”

“When.”

“– You will still stand head and shoulders above most people. You were born in a palace. You have never had to do anything for yourself. You have everything you want a phone call away, including a 50km poke bowl delivery service.” Wille winced. He hoped Simon never found out about that. “You will never have to worry where your next meal will come from, or save for your retirement. That is the privilege of being a prince. And in return, all that is asked is that we uphold the standards of royalty, as a symbol to inspire the nation’s people. That’s all.”

So many rebuttals came to mind, but Wille did not utter them. What would be the point? She didn’t understand, despite the recent softening in their relationship. But he wanted to say one thing.

“Mamma, I think that is asking too much of people. I think the role asks too much of you.”

“I – excuse me? Too much?”

“Look at how it has affected you!”

“There were – tragic circumstances this year, and I already feel much better.”

“This year pushed you over the edge. You don’t want this any more than I do.”

The phone was silent on her end for a moment. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Doesn’t matter? It does matter! You matter! The job asks us to be perfect and never make a mistake, and that’s not possible for anyone: not me, not you, not pappa. And – not Erik.”

“Erik loved the work,” her voice trembled, “and – and he would have been an exceptional king.”

Instead of anger, Wille felt overwhelming sorrow, and sat down heavily on the bed. “Probably, but you don’t know that, mamma. We’ll never know. And if there’s anything that last year taught me, it’s that a lot can happen in our private lives that others don’t know.”

“Erik knew what was expected of him.”

And he snapped. “Erik performed the initiation on August.” The ensuing silence was filled by the quiet stuttering of his mother’s breathing. “He did. And he didn’t stop anyone. And he took part in every party and initiation and gross tradition at that fucking school. And I blame him for it, because it was wrong…but I also understand how it happened, if everyone around you is doing the same thing, and you’re never made to realise that you need to be better.”

“How can you say that about your brother –”

“I loved Erik, mamma. I love him so much. But he wasn’t perfect.” Wille wiped away his tears with his T-shirt. “And neither are we.” 

“This job does not allow me to be anything but perfect.”

How could she not see wrong that was? “I know mamma. That’s why I don’t want it.” 

He heard someone else speaking on the other end, then his mother spoke. “I have to go. Is there more?” 

Wille was so, so tired. He leaned his head against the wall. “No mamma. I just wanted you to know about my school decision next year. I’m sorry if I distressed you just now.”

“All right. I will see you in two days.”

And she ended the call.

He collapsed, laying flat on his back, staring at the ceiling. His tears had dried. 

He wished he hadn’t blurted out the stuff about Erik. He wondered what his mother would have been like if she had been born second, or if her younger brother had survived. Wishes and ifs and wonders, and none of it changed the fact that for all of their good intentions, he and his mother fundamentally did not understand each other. He did not know if they ever would.

He sighed, then sat up. 

He would never, ever be like his mother. 

MY Simon 💜

hej

Wille

Hej!

MY Simon 💜

heading home soon

want me to bring some pizza ;)

Wille

OMG YES PLEASE

Just not africana

Anything but that

MY Simon 💜

you’re mean to me 

but fine

because i love you

Wille

Thank you

I love you too

See you soon

<3

MY Simon 💜

<3

Wille was waiting in the main room when he heard footsteps in the hall, then the jingle of keys. A muffled curse. Was Simon trying to balance everything with the pizza? He should help open the door, but then what was he supposed to do with —

Simon stumbled in, pizza box in his hands, then stopped in the doorway. Looked at Wille, standing by the table, holding a bunch of flowers in his hand. Then to Wille’s horror, he saw his boyfriend’s eyes well up. 

“No, no, Simme – baby, please don’t cry – oh god, don’t drop our pizza –”

“That’s your first thought? The pizza?” Simon closed the door and handed the box over to Wille, who juggled it with the flowers and tossed it on the table. Then Wille turned around and found himself with an armful of boyfriend. 

“Oof.” 

“You didn’t have to.” Simon’s voice was muffled in Wille’s shoulder. 

“I know.” He squeezed Simon tighter. “But I wanted to.” He snuck a hand under Simon’s shirt and stroked warm, smooth skin. He felt much more at peace now.

Simon rubbed his face against Wille’s neck, then slowly began to press kisses up his jaw. “Thank you for the flowers.” 

Wille smiled into Simon’s lips. “Do you want to see them? Because I’m still holding them.”

“Mm. Later.” And he tugged Wille into their room. 

“The pizza’s cold.”

“We can warm it up.”

“Okay. But I have to put my flowers in a glass. I don’t want them to fade. Where did you get them?”

“I went out for a walk with Malin before you came home, and picked them up.”

“They’re beautiful.” Simon tilted his head up and kissed Wille, open-mouthed and tender. “And you really didn’t have to.”

“Simon.” Wille cradled his beloved’s head in his hands. “If you don’t know by now that there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you, you haven’t been paying attention.” 

“I know. And I love you for it.” Simon hesitated. “But I also hope that it won’t be at your own expense. I would never, ever want that for you, Wille.”

He sighed. “I know. I’m starting to realise it.” He searched Simon’s face, stroking a hand up and down his back. “Do you want to talk now?”

“Let’s get cleaned up and eat first. Okay?” 

He rubbed his nose against Simon’s. “Okay.”

Forty-five minutes later they were on the sofa, legs entwined, and finishing up the pizza. Then Wille spoke.

“I’ve had a pretty eventful day.” 

“Oh?”

“Yeah. I talked to your mom, actually.”

Simon’s eyebrows went up. “Really.”

“Mm. Then I talked to my mom.” 

"Battle of the moms?”

“Linda won.”

Simon looked gleeful.

“And then I went for a walk and thought some more.” Wille took out a piece of paper from his pocket. “It took me some time to process everything you said yesterday, but things are clearer now, and your mom helped a lot. And I did some research. Could I share first, what I’ve written down? I don’t want to forget anything.” He was quite nervous. He needed to get this right.

Simon wiped his hands, and sat up fully on the sofa facing Wille. “Of course.”

Wille blew out a breath. “Okay. I’m not going back to Hillerska. I’m going to SIS.” Simon nodded, his expression neutral. “You were right. Aside from a few things, I didn’t like it last year. Your mom helped me see that a big reason I wanted to go back was to escape the palace, but that’s not good enough when the school itself is so awful.

“Then, um, we talked about the school reopening and the new policies, and your mom agrees with you. And Maddie’s aunt. And Felice. No surprise there.” Simon shrugged a shoulder. “But the way she talked about it, how progress can almost be faked, and then people get so screwed over — I had never thought of it like that before. So yeah.” It had also made him think of Farima, and if she had similar thoughts while working for the royal court. It felt too big to consider, for now, but he would continue to mull it over. 

“The third point is related.” And he looked at Simon directly for this one. “I’m sorry that you have to teach me so much. You and Felice especially. I’m beginning to see how it must feel for you, having to teach the dumb rich White prince about how the world works. I learn so much from you, but I’ll try to learn more on my own, so it’s not always you telling me.”

Simon smiled then, and leaned forward, and kissed Wille once, a long and fervent press of the lips. Then he sat back. “Thank you for saying that.”

“That’s kind of related to the fourth point. And also the first. Actually, they’re all related.” He could feel his throat close, and attempted to breathe through the tightness. “But um. This week has – has shown me how little I – I know about my – my –” The sobs took him by surprise, but once he started he couldn’t suppress them. The words would not come. 

Simon scooted over and took Wille in his arms. “Shhh, I have you Wille. I’m here.”

In between gasping, gulping sobs, he plowed on. “I just don’t know myself. I don’t know what I like. I have nothing to do. I don’t know who I am. And – and it’s part of the reason I wanted to come back. I liked the idea of having a purpose at Hillerska. I just don’t know who I am without you, and I want to be with you so badly. I don’t want to be alone, I don’t.” Simon, please don’t leave me. Please.

He felt Simon hug him tighter, whispering throughout his cries. I’m here. I love you. I’m here. 

Eventually his tears subsided. Simon went to get some tissues and came back with a box. He dried his eyes and blew his nose. Simon rubbed his shoulder comfortingly and held his hand.

“Can I speak?”

Wille nodded. 

“I love you Wille. I love you, like, an insane amount. And I don’t want to break up with you. Do you believe me?”

Wille nodded again.

“Um.” Simon looked at the ceiling. “Maybe it’s because of my parents, and seeing how things turned out for them? But I find it hard to make promises when the future is…you know, the future. Um. So I can’t promise to not leave you. But. I can tell you that I’m serious about you, and about us. I’m glad you get along so well with my family and friends, because…that makes me happy. I don’t like jinxing things, so that’s all I’ll say. But it makes me really happy.”

That was good enough for Wille. He grasped Simon to him and held him tightly. “Thank you.”

“Is this why you were upset that I’m not going back?”

Wille stiffened and pulled back. He didn’t want to say it. It was so stupid. 

“Wille?” 

“I thought you were looking for excuses to not be with me. I know that’s not true and it doesn’t make sense —” he said hurriedly, when he saw Simon’s astonishment — “but it’s what I thought.” 

“Wille…”

“I know it’s not fair.” 

“It really isn’t. That decision has nothing to do with you.” 

“But it felt like it should. I thought we would decide together, for our relationship, but instead you just decided on your own.” 

Simon scrubbed at his face. “I mean, I could have communicated that better. But we were both avoiding talking, right? And honestly, I didn’t think you’d be surprised.”

Wille snorted. “I think we surprised each other.”

“For sure.” Simon played with a cushion tassel. “It worried me yesterday, Wille, when your mind went immediately to breaking up. Why?”

“Boris has talked to me about loss and attachment, so, you know. And I mean, historically our arguments have not ended well.”

“Oh. True.”

“But I think this one will be okay.”

“Me too.” Simon pushed his foot against Wille’s. “And this time I think it was less an argument and more us clashing because we see things differently.” He sighed. “Rosh has been on my case about this for the past week.”

“Really?” Wille thought back to bowling night. “Wait, is that why she’s been a bit —” He gestured wildly. 

“I hope you’re not picking that up from Ayub, because he’s incomprehensible. But yeah. She had her concerns before, obviously, but seeing us together and spending time with you — she thinks we’re too different. She’s worried for me.”  

“I can see that. And I don’t think either of us disagrees with her, right?”

Simon cracked a smile. “Right.”

“But I’m feeling hopeful about us today.”

Simon’s smile grew wider. “You said once that our differences are good, and we learn from each other. I think that’s true.”

“Simon.” He played with Simon’s fingers. “Do you learn from me? Because I still feel so clumsy, and that you’re doing all the teaching, and that’s not fair.”

“That’s not true.” Simon sighed. “Before you, Wille, I saw every rich White person as the same asshole, like August and Vincent the Turd.” Wille rolled his eyes. “And most people at Hillerska didn’t help with that. You helped me understand some of the difficulties that come with being born like you. You’re just human. And unfortunately,” Simon mimed vomiting, “so is August.”

Bleyetch. “Yeah, unfortunately.”

“I still don’t want to be near him.”

“I don’t blame you, and neither do I.” 

“Was I too hard on you, yesterday?”

Wille considered it. It had been hard to hear what Simon said. He remembered similar feelings at various times in the spring, when he had felt personally attacked by Simon’s accusations. But with distance and, he hoped, a little growing up, he could recognise that his feelings stemmed largely from defensiveness. Sometimes the truth is hard to stomach. 

“No. I’m glad that you said all of that; we hadn’t really talked about it before. How can two people be in the same place, and have such different experiences? But we did. Can I, uh, ask you the same? Did I hurt you, this week?” 

Simon took a long time to reply. “I think…that you can only be the person you were raised to be. And then you can only try to be better. I learned this year that if I want to be with you, I have to be really patient, with so many things.” He looked up at Wille. “So, I’ll be patient when you say dumb shit that’s just because of your upbringing, and you’ll be patient when I get mad. And we’ll both try to be better. Deal?” 

He could work with that. “Deal.” He kissed Simon on the cheek.

They cuddled in silence for a time, then Simon spoke up again. “Can I say one more thing?”

“Of course.”

“Are you serious about finding something for yourself?”

He frowned. “Like, a hobby?”

Simon shrugged. “Sure. As you said earlier, just something that you like doing for yourself. Not connected to me or your friends or school, or the palace. I think it would be good for you.”

“Yes. I’m serious about that, especially after Linda said the same thing.” 

“Oh, so you’ll listen to my mother but not to me?”

“I mean. She’s your mother. I need to get on her good side.”

“Hm. Acceptable.”

“But she’s also so, so wise. And kind.” He looked over at Simon. “I really want her to like me.”

Simon smiled. “She texted me today; I think you’re growing on her. And she always had a soft spot for the poor little prince.” 

He pinched Simon’s side. 

“And I’m also really, really glad you’re not going back to Hillerska.”

Wille blew out a gust of air. “I know why I’m glad, but why are you?”

“Because you don’t like it,” Simon said simply. “It would make you unhappy if you went back, and I don’t want that, Wille. I hate seeing you so unhappy.” Wille sensed Simon had more to say, so remained silent, but squeezed his hand. “And also…Rosh and Ayub once told me that Hillerska was turning me into the worst version of myself, and I think it could do the same to you.”

“What – what do you think the worst version of myself is?”

He felt Simon hesitate. But he had asked. “Your temper.”  

He unwrapped himself from Simon, and the look on his boyfriend’s face — he had seen this expression before, in the wreckage of the world’s worst birthday. This was much more muted, but it carried echoes nonetheless.

“It scares you so much?”

Simon nodded. “Whenever you get like that, it – it doesn’t bring good memories.”

This time, Wille couldn’t control his body’s reflex, an instinctual jerking away. But he was learning to pay attention, and watch carefully, and also saw Simon go still, wary, and nervous. So. He would need to be very cautious.

“Um. Could you explain a little?”

“It’s – like Micke. Sometimes. During your – at the palace. And in the fields.”

In the fields? When did — oh.

Rationally, Wille knew that shoving a loaded shotgun, safety off, into his cousin’s face was a crazy thing to do. He still felt entirely justified in going off, considering everything August had said and done. He regretted using an actual firearm, he really did, but in that moment he just didn’t know what would have made August pay attention. Someone like that only responds to direct threats, to his person or ambitions, and Wille knew to his core that words would not have made an iota of difference to his cousin. 

But Wille was beginning to understand the difference between what others do, and what he does to himself and to others. And Simon (and Linda, and everyone else) was asking him to focus on himself. He did not ever want to frighten his boyfriend, or remind him of his shithole father. And he also didn’t want to be the kind of person who could have accidentally murdered another human being in anger. 

When it was put like that, there was nothing more to be said.  

“Okay. I’ll – would it help you to know I’ll speak to Boris about it?” He saw a wave of relief wash over Simon’s face. “Okay.”

They went back to cuddling. Then – “What about me?”

Wille wracked his brains but couldn’t pick up the thread of the conversation. “What about you?”

“What’s the worst version of myself that Hillerska brings out?”

This time Wille was truly surprised. “You want me to tell you?”

Simon faced Wille fully, and slowly, lightly, traced his fingers over the shape of Wille’s lips, feathering across his cheekbone and along his jaw, and finally ghosting over his eyelids as they closed. Then he leaned in and kissed him gently, a whisper of a butterfly’s breath. “You were so brave to listen to me. I want to be brave too.”

Did Simon not know that he was the inspiration and genesis of everything that Wille did? Perhaps it wasn’t healthy to think that, given his genuine determination to choose more for himself, but the sun rose in the east, the tides answered to the moon, and Simon would always be the better part of himself. He would tell him this another time, though; he hoped they’d have a lifetime to tell each other.

As to Simon’s question, he took some time to assemble his thoughts. “I think…I think Hillerska made you compromise yourself. Like, I know you so much better now, and how the drug thing is so uncharacteristic of you,” he felt Simon tense, and rubbed his back soothingly, “and I understand why you made that choice, but you wouldn’t have had to if not for how fucked up Hillerska and August were.

“And it’s in others ways too. I still remember the first time I saw you sing, in the chapel. And when you said my family were Sweden’s biggest leeches.” They both snorted with laughter. “You just didn’t give a shit about anything and anyone; you just did your own thing. It was the first thing that attracted me to you. You never stopped saying your mind, to anyone, but it was different. It all seemed to weigh heavier on you, like you actually cared.” He turned suddenly towards Simon, saying fiercely, “And you shouldn’t care! You shouldn’t let them dim you. I know it’s all mixed up with the end of our school year, and how messy it was, and maybe it’s not all Hillerska. But you’re right — it’s not a good place. And we shouldn’t be there if we don’t have to.”  

Simon was silent for a time, and Wille began to get nervous. Was that too much? Then he replied. “It’s not that I cared. It just seemed useless to say anything, even though I couldn’t stop myself. Like when we talked about your foundation? I couldn’t not say anything, but I – I just didn’t know what the point would be. Even though I had to try. Sara has actually told me this, that I have a ‘saving people’ thing. And that it’s not good.”

Wille had many things he wanted to say to this, but only one of urgency. 

“Have you – have you considered talking to someone about it?”

“What, like you talk to Boris?” 

“Not just like that. I’m sure there must be other ways to…get another perspective. It sounds like there’s a lot on your chest, and it might help to hear what someone else thinks? Who’s not Linda or Sara or me?” By the end he was cringing. He really hoped he hadn’t screwed it up.

Simon didn’t look offended though. He gazed at Wille thoughtfully. “Have you been thinking about this for a while?” 

“Um. Kind of. I just think you’ve been through a lot, including this year. I’m not sure where you are with Sara either, but you love your family, and it’s been difficult. So it might be worth considering.” 

Simon nodded slowly. “If you talk to Boris about your things, then I’ll find a way to talk to people too.” 

Wille sat on the Erikssons’ sofa, feeling Simon’s weight on his body, the curve of his waist cradling his arm, the tickle of his curls on his face, and he knew in the marrow of his bones that he was put on Earth to love this boy. He felt the weight of Simon’s promise, and made one of his own.

I promise that I will do better. Wille leaned in and kissed Simon. And that is one that I will keep.

Simon kissed him back. I know.   

Chapter Text

In all the times he and Wille had been able to sleep over together, Simon had woken up before him exactly three times. Once was in the skärgård. Once was yesterday morning. And the third was now.

Simon hated mornings. (Yes, he was aware he was developing a reputation for it. No, he would not be making any changes to his routine.) Wille, on the other hand, had not yet grown out of the early mornings imposed on him by royal routine, and in their time sleeping together habitually woke up before Simon. So when the reverse happened, Simon savoured it, and took the opportunity to stare at his boyfriend. 

In the nine months he had known him, Simon had seen many faces of Wille, and it struck him now how strange it was that Wille could look so grown up, at times, and at others like an overgrown puppy. Although that had changed a little after his banker haircut and the extra 10 cm; he looked less like a golden retriever and more like…well, a king in the making. But Simon would do everything in his power to prevent that.

In sleep, Wille was an aggro octopus, limbs flying everywhere and alternately clinging to Simon, kicking him, angling across his twin bed like a backslash, and generally making himself a nuisance to Simon’s well-earned beauty sleep. He looked back on those fourteen days in the skärgård with nostalgia — oh, to be on a well-sprung floofy queen mattress when your sleeping partner was well over 180cm and growing extra shoulders. He would never admit it out loud, but he wanted another chance at visiting Drottningholm to properly sleep in Wille’s palatial bed. He’d suffer through Jan-Olof ten times over for that. 

His thoughts then turned to their lives, a constant push and pull. He and Wille, they really shouldn’t work. There was no reason his eyes should have zeroed in on a skinny, zitty boy in a chapel and thought, That one. I want that one. And yet he had been helpless to look away then, and he was helpless now.  

Right now, he and Wille were separated by a hands-width, facing each other. Wille’s breath puffed gently on his face. Two competing emotions warred within him: he wanted to run as fast as he could, because Wille’s morning breath really could reanimate the dead — but he also thought, I want him, and if this is forever, then it's not going away. Breathe through the mouth, breathe through the mouth. He ducked his head below Wille’s chin and nestled closer. 

After a while he got bored, and turned around to grab his phone. It was 10am. His movement stirred Wille, whose long tentacles wrapped around him and pulled him back. 

“Mrrrmgggglmpph.”

“Morning.”

“Mrrrmgggglmpph.”

He was so cute. Simon turned on his phone and saw a slew of messages. He opened his chat with Rosh and Ayub first; there was less to read from that group chat. 

Group chat: Bjärstad in the house 🤟🏼🤟🏼🤟🏼

Ayub

you all good there simme?

Rosh

do we need to send out sapo 

Simon

to do what? search and rescue? or murder?

Ayub

search and rescue

Rosh

murder

Simon looked back at his Wille, then decided there was no angle that would not provoke outrage. The selfie would have to wait.

Simon

he’s here. we’re fine. 

was going to send a pic but decided to save your delicate sensibilities

Rosh

please don’t send one 

Ayub

please for the love of god do not, repeat, do not

Simon

we’re decent it’s all PG

but I’ll send you this

*image_3947*

Ayub

nice flowers 

wait

Rosh

WHAT DID HE DO

Ayub

did he do something flower worthy?

was it that bad?

Rosh

i’ll kill him

Simon

no! 

ffs why do you always jump to the worst conclusion

Rosh

let’s see

ayub, where do we start?

Ayub

he kisses you back then says “he’s not like that”

he says you should forget about the kiss then changes his mind

he ghosts you when he becomes kronprins then calls you up and sleeps with you (small pass here given circumstances)

Simon

guys

Rosh

he promises not to deny you then does it on live tv

he says he loves you and wants everything to go back to the way it was while keeping it a secret

Simon

guys stop it

Rosh 

he tells the whole world it was him without telling you first 

he does the fucking fake strike

now he’s visiting you and still somehow making it about himself

every time you talk about his issues he’s always “i need you” and “i can only talk to you” and “you said you’d be here for me”

what about YOU, simon?

Simon

ENOUGH

i’m only going to say this once, and you need to hear me loud and clear about this

i’m not going to rehash stuff from last year. but you don’t know everything that happens between us

and you don’t know him. i’m still learning about him, just as he’s learning about me. we both fucked up a lot this past year — BOTH of us, not just him 

you have to trust me when i say that we’re in a much better place, and we feel good about it. we’re talking a lot more and more honestly. 

and we laugh, and he makes me so, so happy. yesterday was less an argument and more a big tension point that burst because we ARE so different. but we’re learning from each other, and as we learn we’ll have less reason to argue

please support me — please

i don’t ever want to choose between my best friends and boyfriend

Ayub

simme

we’re just worried

we’ve been so, so worried about you this year

Rosh

we’ve never seen you so low and it just scared us

Simon

have you seen me this happy?

Rosh

…

not for a long time 

but you’ve also been pretty UNhappy this year

Ayub

we don’t like the numbers

Simon 

the odds are good

trust me

i learned this with sara this year: you can’t fix other people’s mistakes

you can only be there. so please just be there for me, and support me? because I really want this. i really want him

i want a future with him, and i think it could actually happen

Ayub 

ok

i’m sorry 

Rosh

me too

i’ll lay off him

Simon

thank you

Simon put his phone down and rubbed his eyes. God, that had come out of nowhere and escalated quickly, but he supposed it had been building up. He sighed loudly and shifted, finding a new position. Wille’s hand stroked his belly gently. He was waking up. 

All right. On to the next group chat. He opened the ex-Hillersar one, now renamed something incomprehensible by Maddie. 

And did a double take. He could not possibly have read that correctly.

“Wille.”

“Mmph.”

He turned around and injected insistence into his tone. “Wille.”

Wille smacked his lips. “What?”

“Wille, look at me.”

“Izevrythingokayyy?”

“Wilhelm Something Something No Last Name of Sweden. Pay attention. Now.”

“You don’t know my middle names? Some boyfriend you are.”

He pinched Wille’s arm. Hard.

“Ow! All right, all right. And here I was having nice dreams of you.”

He smirked at Wille. “You might not when we’re done.”

Wille heard the undertone in his voice. “What? Did something happen?”

He showed Wille his phone. Wille rubbed his face and squinted before taking the device.

Group chat: MSHCoSomething???

Maddie

wille

wille

wille

wilhelm

WILHELM

Felice

he’s probably asleep

Maddie

simon

Felice

WE’RE ALL ASLEEP 

WHY AREN’T YOU IT’S ASS O CLOCK IN NEW YORK

Maddie

cuz i heard something and i need to confirm cuz it’s too funny 

wille

sweetling

token swedish white boy in our group

did you or did you not, on behalf of all the whites in the world, apologize to your mother-in-law for all of racism, forever?

Felice

WHAT

WILLE

YOU DID NOT

LMFAO HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

DECEASED

Maddie

right?

Felice

i forgive you for waking me up

but also, not you calling linda his mil

Maddie

please

we know where this is heading

wille

we need to know

we will keep spamming this chat periodically until you answer or i fall into a coma from sleep deprivation

Wille looked up at Simon, who could have died laughing at the sheer horror and embarrassment on his boyfriend’s face. 

“Wille? Did you perhaps leave something out of our discussion yesterday?”

“Um.” 

“Here.” He reached over, grabbed Wille’s phone from the floor, and handed it to him. “You do the honours.”

Wille groaned.

Mi amor 💛

WTF Maddie

Maddie

he lives! 

unlike the billions of people under the oppressive thumb of white supremacy

Mi amor 💛

OMFG

Can I just explain

Simon

I want to hear this

Sara

So do I

Mi amor 💛

It’s not that big a deal

I had a long conversation with Linda yesterday and she helped me figure out some things. She obviously agreed with what your aunt said, Maddie, and had some interesting but scary thoughts about why they chose the new principal, and talked about how people just get screwed over.

It was eye-opening for me, AND I GET IT I’M PRIVILEGED AND THAT’S A STUPID THING TO SAY, but it’s true. At the end I thanked her for talking to me, but it didn’t feel like enough, especially since my family actually HAS screwed her and her family over directly. So I wanted to apologise for that, but it also came out as an apology for my race? 

Which I know was weird

And she let me know it was weird

BUT NOW YOU’RE MAKING IT WEIRDER

I had such a good morning and now it’s ruined

😭

Simon

my bf’s face is all red pls be kind

(although it’s also hysterical)

Felice

ok hun

it was dumb but we get where you’re coming from

it’s ok

Maddie 

no it’s not i wanted a juicier story

Sara

it’s not ok, i had to listen to it

Mi amor 💛

WHAT

“What the fuck?!”

“Is she serious??”

“SARA!!”

Sara’s voice called back from the main room. “It wasn’t on purpose.”

Sara

u just assumed the house was empty 

Maddie 

how else do you think i found out? sara let it slip

Sara

traitor

Mi amor 💛

Sara you were there the whole time???? Did you hear everything? 

Sara

no I had my headphones in

but you kept talking on and on and on, and at some point I needed to go to the bathroom, so I took them out to see if you were still talking

i only heard that last part, i promise

and where you asked her to call you wille instead of wilhelm

Felice

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

that’s adorable

Simon

sara that’s not cool

u should have let him know you were there

or put headphones in for longer

Sara

oh, i’m sorry simon, i didn’t realize i needed permission to be in my own house

Mi amor 💛

It’s okay Sara, as long as it was an honest mistake

Sara

it was

Mi amor 💛

Then it’s okay

Maddie 

crisis averted

Simon looked up. “Are you really okay with this?”

Wille’s eyes were slightly wild, but they met his. “Yeah, I think so? She just didn’t want to interrupt. As long as it really was an honest mistake, I’m okay.”

Simon reached over and rubbed his knee. “Okay.” 

They went back to their phones. 

Felice

next topic

maddie are you going to explain the new gc name?

Maddie

guess

Sara

Marieberg SIS Hillerska Class Of Something

Maddie

dingdingding

Simon

that name sucks

Maddie

you got a better one punk? 

Felice 

wille!!! i’m so glad you’re coming to SIS with us

Maddie

🎉🎉🎉

Mi amor 💛

🎉🎉🎉

Felice 

sara did you send in your acceptance

Sara

actually

Simon

wait

WHAT

Felice

SARA!!!!!!!

YOU CHANGED YOUR MIND??????

Sara

yes

Simon

when did this happen??? 

Sara

i actually hadn’t fully made up my mind although you all assumed i had

i talked to mom this morning

i don’t want to be completely alone at hillerska if no one else is there

boarding was only fun with you

and mom brought up a good point about the Hillerska girls

i’m not sure they really like me

Maddie

unfortunately probably true 

mama linda is CHEWING out there in bjarstad!! 

Sara

stella and fredrika totally ignored me when i went back

so i don’t know what they’ll be like and I don’t care

but I don’t want them to be mean to me

and also marieberg will be so busy paying attention to simon they might leave me alone

Wille looked up, alarmed. “Simon? Is she exaggerating?”

“Probably not.”

“But how bad?”

“Well, the usual homophobic pricks. And the ones who want to be near me to get to you. And the ones who see me as a class traitor. The best ones will just ignore me.”

Wille looked appalled. What did he think it would be like? Simon looked down at his phone to see that Sara had written more.

Sara

it’s ok, we can stick up for each other

and rosh wont let anyone give us shit

ayub can just throw video game consoles at people

worst case scenario, we sic the royal court on them

Simon

sara no

Mi amor 💛

Sara yes

Simon

we’ll talk later W

Maddie changed the group name to: Hillersar Class of SUCK MY DICK 🖕🏻🖕🏼🖕🏽🖕🏾

Simon changed the group name to: Hillersar Class of Never 🖕🏻🖕🏼🖕🏽🖕🏾

Sara changed the group name to: The Miseducation of the Token Swedish White Boy

Felice changed the group name to: 🖕🏻🖕🏼🖕🏽🖕🏾

Felice

you are being educated wille, so know I say this with true love and respect

we will never, ever, centre a white boy in our gc name

🫂

Mi amor 💛

I am learning, and find this completely acceptable

Simon

♥️♥️♥️

can we please leave it for now

Maddie

yes

but the name will be changed guerrilla style

you will never know it’s coming

Felice has removed Maddie as admin

Wille put his phone away and looked at Simon. “So. Sara going to Marieberg. How do you feel about that?”

Simon flopped back next to Wille. “I don’t know.” He moved his leg gently against Wille’s, just to feel a connection. “I wish she had told me in person, but it’s been busy the last few days. And I guess we’re just not that close anymore. I don’t know what’s going through her mind, sometimes. Which makes me sad.” He felt Wille slide his cheek across his curls. His boyfriend really seemed to like his hair. The feeling was mutual.

“I get it. I sort of felt the same when Erik left for Hillerska.” Simon’s breath caught. Wille rarely mentioned Erik by name, and this was the first time he had shared a memory voluntarily. “It wasn’t the same at the palace without him there. He was in my life for twelve years, and then all of a sudden there was a big part of his life that I wasn’t a part of. I never visited him at Hillerska, even though I begged and begged him to let me.”

“Do you think he kept you away on purpose, knowing Hillerska?”

They would never know what Erik truly thought of Hillerska, its griminess and toxicity and twisted camaraderie marinating together at one of the most beautiful schools in Sweden. Simon wanted to think that Erik would have protected his little brother, but ultimately…“I don’t know. I’ll never know.”

Simon rolled over and hugged Wille. “Do you believe August, when he said that Erik would have loved you, no matter what?”

“I want to,” Wille whispered. “I want to so badly.”

“Then believe it. Until you have proof otherwise, believe it.”

Wille’s phone pinged. He rooted around the bedsheets until he found it. When he read the text message, his boyfriend rolled his eyes. 

“Who is it?”

“My mother.”

“What does she want?”

“Read it.”

Mother

Wilhelm, I have not heard from you since our discussion yesterday. Given that the deadline for registration is today, I assume there are no last-minute requests to attend Hillerska. Please respond to Farima’s email regarding course selection at SIS.

After your return, we can meet to discuss what your upcoming year will look like, and how your duties will be distributed as Kronprins. 

Simon knew that Wille felt guilty after his phone call yesterday with his mother, and had texted his father to make sure she was all right. He hadn’t heard back anything substantial, just She’s all right. So he wasn’t surprised at the message’s chilly tone, but he was deeply saddened for Wille. The video conversation he had witnessed in the halcyon days of July had given him hope, but he supposed relationships would never develop in a straight line.  

When he looked up, Wille seemed resigned. There was a time he would have demanded affection from his mother, or railed at the injustice, but less so in recent weeks. It was probably self-preservation, Simon reflected, after being rejected so many times. Well, he would make it his mission to fill Wille’s life with love, and make up for every atom he ever lacked.

Something else occurred to him. “Wille, what did your mother say, yesterday, when you told her that your role asked too much of you?”

“She said that she had no choice but to be perfect. And it didn’t matter what she thought about it.”

“Do you think she resents you? For doing what she couldn’t and leaving?

“Maybe.” Wille stared into the distance. “When I was driving back to Drottningholm for the interview, back in December,” Simon felt himself tense at the reminder, but forced himself to listen, “she mentioned an ‘unfortunate romance’ in her youth that she had to put aside.” 

Simon did some mental math. “Didn’t – didn’t your parents go to Hillerska together? Did this happen before, or after? Oh my god,” he sat up suddenly, “what if she and Ludvig were together, but then she started fu-”

“SIMON.” Wille looked aggrieved and mildly nauseated. “Do not use that word in association with my mother. Ever.”

“Right. Sorry.” Think of that: the Queen of Sweden, aka his boyfriend’s mother, up to the same old Hillersar shenanigans. 

On second thought, ew. 

“Anyway,” Wille continued, “she mentioned this…thing that she experienced, and implied that it was similar to my situation with you? But that she sacrificed it because she knew her role. And I know this was a particularly difficult year for her, because I’ve never seen her health so bad, but even so I’ve wondered if she actually enjoys it.” Wille shrugged. “So maybe she does resent me for leaving. But I don’t really care. As long as she doesn’t stop me.”

“Amen to that.” Simon kissed Wille, then pecked him quickly thrice on the nose. “All right, change of topic!” 

He stood up and pulled Wille along to get dressed. “What do you want to do on your last day in Bjärstad? We can go for a walk, go bowling…”

“...Go to the pizzeria, then go bowling again…”

“...Or go to the cinema, followed by more bowling, since you love it so much…”

“I mainly loved watching you laugh.”

“Ayub told me he made fun of you for being a sap.”

“Did he also tell you that I was proud of it?”

“I don’t need Ayub to tell me that, babe.”

“Can we be saps together?”

“Only in private. In public I want to be snarky and standoffish.”

“You’re only standoffish to assholes, Simon. I know you’re actually a kitten. A tiny, adorable, black kitten.”

“Only you are allowed to call me a tiny kitten, Wilhelm.”

“I saw through you from day one.” 

“You’re lucky that I gave you the time of day.”

“Hey!”

“Kidding.”

“Oh! I have an idea. Didn’t Rosh say there was a football tournament today, for the camp that she coaches? Can we watch?”

“I’ll ask if it’s public, so we don’t look like creeps at a children’s camp.”

“Is it at the pitch we went to? Now I want to go, for the nostalgia.”

“Wille, mi amor, there is only one football pitch in Bjärstad.”

“We won’t get anywhere if you keep calling me pet names.”

“Maybe that was my plan all along.”

“Simon?”

“Yeah?”

“I think you’re the love of my life.”

Simon looked at Wille, heart bursting to full. He cupped Wille’s face in his hands. “I want a future with you.” 

Wille wound his arms around Simon’s waist, kissed him, long and tender, and smiled. “Let’s go.”