Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It’s the tail end of our latest comeback promotions. We have already promoted the title track and have been promoting a b-side. Today we are performing on one of the last music shows for this comeback. We are one of the nominated artists again. That’s not where my head is right now, though. Today he will be here; his group just started their comeback promotions. I don’t know if I’m happy, sad, angry, frustrated, or pathetic. It’s really hard to process feelings like this. When the person you like is so close but also has no idea you exist. In the sense of liking one back, that is. We have met through work and outside of work a handful of times, but he still doesn’t seem to acknowledge me. It’s not like I liked him right away either. It wasn’t until the GayoDaejeon Christmas festival. I remember standing next to him at one point and thinking, Wow, he smells so good, and then it all went downhill from there. I couldn’t stop thinking about him after that. It’s strange, really, how one moment can change everything. The only other person who knows about this is my group member and roommate, Nicholas hyung. Nicholas is also the link to us having hung out outside of work. Nicholas and Ricky are friends. It was somewhat of a risk, confiding in Nico about my crush on Ricky. He’s kept my secret and hasn’t done or said anything to Ricky to tip him off. Nicholas has suddenly started dating someone he just met recently. A guy who goes to the same university as my dongsaeng. Euijoo is a pretty cool guy. We have met a few times now, and we are also going to hang out later tonight as well. Just a few friends of both of them. I only remember a few of Euijoo’s friends from the time at the BBQ place we met them at before with my brother and Nico.  

There is a knock on the door of our dressing room. Another group is here asking to film a dance challenge with some of us. A girl group who debuted around the same time as us. Now, don’t get me wrong, I like girls too. I’ve had girlfriends in the past, before debut. The first time I realized I might also like guys was a hyung I had in school. He was our choir club president. He was tall and handsome and nice to everyone. The typical, perfect class president type that every girl wants to have and every guy wants to be. Nothing happened between us. I kept my feelings a secret then too. I do have friends who know I am attracted to guys. I even told my brother. I just have never had the courage to ask a guy out, in fear that they are not like me and aren’t into that. My crush on Ricky has lasted over a year now, almost two. I’m convinced now that this is how it will stay until some miracle happens, and I hopefully meet someone else who can help me forget about him. I’ve even written songs about my longing for him; one of them even got released on our last album. No one will ever know that, though. That I wrote that song about Ricky. I don’t even think Nicholas picked up on that.  

There is another knock on the door; Matthew peeks his head in. Nico smiles with his eyes.  

“Matt, hey, what’s up? You’re coming tonight, right?”  

“Yeah man. Can’t wait!”  

“Are you here to film a dance challenge?” 

“Yeah, you don’t mind, do you? Ricky’s here too.” 

Hearing Ricky’s name, I look over to the door, trying to look out in the hall from where I’m sitting. He’s talking to someone else from another group who must have been passing by. Of course, he is styled perfectly. It’s a little intimidating. I’m not insecure about my looks, but when I see Ricky, it’s like, damn. He’s a different kind of gorgeous. He’s on another level. He’s sexy and confident, but he’s vulnerable too. I can see it when I watch him. I think that’s another reason why I seem to be hooked on him. This vulnerability brings out the protective side of me. I love to take care of people. It’s part of my nature.  

“I’ll join you guys too,” I say, standing up.  

“Cool,” Matthew adds. “Let’s go!” 

When I walk out into the hall, I almost run right into Ricky, who was on his way in. He looks at me surprised and then smiles. “Are you joining us?” 

“Yes, I was thinking they could do the challenge for our song, and we could do the one for yours. Sound good?” 

“Sounds perfect. Let’s go practice by the staircase.”  

I follow him down the hall to where the stairs and some vending machines are. I love how his voice is so soft-spoken. It makes me melt. I just want to push him against the wall and kiss him. I don’t know how many times I’ve imagined him wearing one of my shirts and nothing else. Pushing my dirty thoughts to the side, I keep walking, pretending I’m not thinking about my hands roaming all over his body. As if he can read my mind, but it’s just bad timing, he looks over his shoulder at me. He gives me a half smile and turns back around. What was that? I’ve only been alone with Ricky a total of two times before today. As exciting as this moment is for me, I’m also terrified. I just have to not think too much and just be myself. What am I even saying? Me being myself is literally me thinking up more scenarios like the others I just wiped clean from my head. But now I’m thinking of pulling him down to the floor with me and licking every inch of him. It’s his fault for being so damn sexy and me being too damn weak.  

“Ok, I’ll teach you the steps first. Someone from the staff should be here soon to film it.” 

I nod my head and stand next to him. He takes me through the steps and is ever patient with me when I keep messing up at the same part. When he suddenly grabs my wrist when I put my arm up. I almost pull away because I’m too stunned. I relax while he adjusts my arm, rotating my palm to face away instead of down. I’m looking at his face while he is concentrating on my hand. When he’s done, he looks down at me. I feel like I was caught staring and feel a little embarrassed, but he just says, “There, like this.”  

“Oh, ok. Got it. Thanks.” I nod. 

Someone from his staff shows up then, and the moment is officially over. No more alone time. It was worth it, though. He touched me, and he smelled so good. My pervy thoughts are coming back again, and I have to taper them back down for the hundredth time, or else even the poor staff member will know what I’m thinking.  

We get through the choreo, and the staff member films us, and it’s over too soon. I thought we could walk back together, but Gyuvin comes walking from down the hall and waves Ricky over. “Come on, baby. Let’s go.” 

Baby? I don’t know what that's supposed to mean, but that sure is a punch in the gut. 

Ricky turns to me before leaving. “Thanks, Taesan-ah. I’ll see you later tonight.”  

Tonight? I didn’t know Nicholas invited Ricky too. I wonder why he failed to mention this to me. Asshole. He did that on purpose. “Yeah, see you tonight,” I muster as a response. I wish I could hold an actual conversation with him. He even talked to me informally. That turns me on even more. God, I’m fucked.  

Watching him stroll down the hallway with Gyuvin makes me wonder about the closeness of their relationship. He called him baby. Is that meant as a joke, or maybe the truth disguised as a joke? I need to find out.  

I start my way back to the dressing room when I see Leehan. He turns his head then and sees me. “Hey, I was just looking for you.”  

“You were looking for me? Why?” 

“Lunch is here.” 

“Oh, let's go.” 

“Why do you look so lost right now? Did something happen?” He’s looking at me with concern. 

“Nothing, I’m fine.” Do I look that bad?  

“You sure?” 

“Yeah, don’t worry.”  

Another problem with being lovesick all the time is that people can sense it on you. As soon as Nicholas saw my face when I got back, he knew.  

“Come on, Taesan, cheer up. It will get better, promise. OK.” 

“Are you for real right now? Ricky told me he was coming tonight. Is there some reason you decided to keep this information from me?” I look at him with a sneer on my face.  

“I didn’t want you to freak out and get too much in your head or even back out.” He’s trying to soothe me down, whispering to me calmly so no one else can hear. “This is a good opportunity to hang out and get to know him more. Euijoo said that we need to set up more opportunities for you two. I am your only link to doing that.” I shake my head because he’s right; I get it.  

“Is there anything going on between Ricky and Gyuvin? I mean, would he tell you if there was?”  

“Gyuvin...? No, he hasn’t said anything to me. I’m pretty sure he would tell me if he liked or was seeing someone.” He looks at me confused. “Why? What happened?” 

I shake my head, unsure. “Gyuvin called Ricky ‘baby,’ but I don’t know if it was as a joke or what.” 

“Ah, I see, you're being jealous right now. He is not with Gyuvin like that; don’t worry your pretty little head about it.” He’s laughing at me now. It’s infuriating.  

                                                                                           ~

In our shared room back at the dorm, Nico and I are getting ready for our plans. “What are we doing tonight anyway?” I ask. 

“Juju and his friends rented out a private room at a karaoke bar. We just have to show up; they will already be there waiting.” 

“What about Matthew and Ricky?” 

“They will be meeting us outside. Matt is driving us there.” He says with a small smirk. 

This is interesting news. I nod and smile. “What should I wear? I need to look intricately fashioned but also like I don’t care either. And you’re the pro at that look, so please, hyung, make me over.”  

Looking at his face right now, he is as excited as shit to be able to do this. “Thank you for trusting me with this,” he says, patting his hand on his heart like he is pretending to be touched as fuck. He is so insufferable sometimes. But he is like an older brother to me, and I’m thankful he’s always there for me.  

Twenty minutes later, I have perfectly styled wavy hair, baggy khaki pants accessorized with a wallet chain, and a very expensive sleeveless shirt with an equally expensive Chanel cardigan. Ugh, I look like Nicholas. At least it’s not all black. Its light colors: tan pants, a white shirt, and the cardigan is a light red.  

Ricky messages Nicholas when they are 5 minutes away. We head outside to wait, saying goodbye to the others. Woonhak looks sad. Pouting, he says, “hyungs when are you going to let me go with you guys? I’m old enough now.” 

“Sorry, Woonagi, I'll have to ask ‘you know who’ first.” Nicholas responds.  

“Not fair. I know he won’t let me come,” he pouts extra cutely this time. We both just smile at his adorableness.  

“We’ll do something next time, I promise,” Nicholas tells him.  

“You better, or I'm going straight to your boss.” He's glaring at Nico like he is very serious about ratting him out. It’s hard not to laugh. He whacks me in the chest, not humored at all by this. 

“Come on, let's go.” He shakes his head at me.  

Matthew is waiting in the parking garage when we step off the elevator. “You sexy bitches ready to have some fun?” he yells out the open window of the SUV he is driving. 

Ricky, who is sitting in the front seat, gets out and lets Nicholas sit in the front, which only means that Ricky and I will be sitting in the back seat together. “Taesanie, you're looking freakin’ hott.” Matt whips his head around to look at me in more detail. He’s ogling me up and down, then winks at me with a smile. He is not the one who is supposed to be looking at me like that, unfortunately.  

Looking over at Ricky to see his reaction, only to find him looking out the side window at the other cars parked instead. How am I always so invisible to him? He was so different with me earlier. I hoped that it would have continued on when we saw each other tonight. I already have a feeling tonight is going to be horrible for me.  

We arrive at the karaoke bar and enter through a back entrance that leads to the stairs up to the private rooms. I’m in front of Ricky going up when I suddenly feel a soft touch on my lower back. I turn back to look at him. “Be careful, Taesan-ah,” he says, “don’t trip.” Shit, now he’s acting all sweet after ignoring me the whole ride here. Even saying my name like that. Why does he have to play with me like this? 

“Thanks, I’ll be careful, Ricky-ah.” I say it at almost a whisper because I’m just so confused by this guy. He keeps his hand just grazing my back till we step off the stairs. The loss of his support leaves me bereft of his touch. I’m now more determined than ever to find ways to touch him or to be touched by him tonight. Step 1 is making sure to stick by him all night. Wherever he sits, I sit; when he goes to the bathroom, so will I.  

Nicholas opens the door and announces himself to his very happy boyfriend. “Baby, I missed you so much!” Euijoo bounces across the room and jumps into his waiting arms, wrapping his legs around Nico’s waist. The kissing starts immediately.  

“Come on, can you two not do that in front of all us single people?” Matthew yells playfully. 

Nico puts Euijoo down, even though it’s pretty clear he would rather run off with him, leaving us all here instead.  

“Taesan, Ricky, Matt, so glad you could join us.” Euijoo welcomes us. He's glowing; he’s so freaking happy. Nico and Euijoo haven’t been able to see each other for at least a week. They are disgustingly cute together. I still don’t understand how they ended up a couple so quickly after meeting. Yeah, I’m a little jealous. But I am seriously happy for the both of them.  

We all go over to the booth seats, me watching Ricky's movements, waiting to see where he is going to sit. I’m getting nervous. He sits on Euijoo’s left, so I hurry to sit on his. He reaches over to the coffee table in front of us and grabs a bottle and hands it to me. I’m surprised by this; he keeps ignoring me, then giving me attention. “Thanks,” I nod my head to him.  

I go a little stiff when he then leans back, placing his arm behind me with his hand just behind my butt, holding himself steady. Ok, he’s making himself comfortable. I’m fine with this; this is great. I take a sip from the bottle he gave me. The others are deciding on who gets to sing first. Ricky takes a look at the song list but doesn't move away from me. Matt and Nico pick the first song with Euijoo’s roommate Sungchul. Of course, they had to start off with some ballad from an OST. I feel like this is just Nico wooing his already plenty wooed boyfriend. That guy is whipped to the extreme. That will be me someday; that will be me. Manifesting, manifesting. When they’re done, Ricky decides to go next with Euijoo. Matt sits down next to me, taking Ricky’s place. “Congratulations on your win today, man,” he says.  

“Thanks.” I tell him, but I’m paying more attention to Ricky, only half listening to Matt as he continues to talk. It starts to get a little loud and chaotic as Nicholas starts obnoxiously praising Euijoo and shouting, “Baby, I love you.” Blah. I roll my eyes and laugh. As this is a little embarrassing but also an opportunity, I yell jokingly, “Ricky, baby, I love you.” Throwing him finger hearts and blowing him a kiss. Everyone starts laughing, and it looks like Ricky is blushing a little. I can’t believe I actually got a reaction out of him.  

When he’s on his way back, I start to get worried about where he is going to sit. Will he move somewhere else? I look up as he stands in front of Matthew and shoos him over, sitting back beside me again. Just like the way he was before. I pull the last mouthful of my drink, tilting my head all the way back, accidentally hitting Ricky in the shoulder. It feels so nice. He looks down at me at the touch, his face is unreadable for a moment, and then it turns into a small smile.  

“Sorry if that was embarrassing earlier.” 

“No, it’s alright. It was pretty funny.” He starts softly rubbing the seat under his hand. My head is still tilted back while I'm looking up at him. Maybe I’m making him uncomfortable? “Sorry, you're kind of comfortable,” I laugh awkwardly and sit back up.  

“Are you going to go next? You haven't gone yet.” I really don’t want to leave this spot, but I reluctantly pick a song and sing by myself. I just had to sing the saddest song I could find. I’m a pathetic fool who's bringing down the whole vibe. Oh, well. While I’m removed from my spot next to Ricky, others crowd around him, furthering my sadness. The song finally ends, and I try to find somewhere to sit since my spot is gone. I grab another beer from the table and start to walk to the other side of the long booth, but someone grabs my wrist. I don’t even have time to see who it is when I’m being pulled down into someone’s lap. They then place their hands on my hips, steadying me. Now that I’m settled, I finally look to see who it was that initiated this. If it’s Matt, I’m punching him in the face for messing with me. I’m startled to see that it’s Ricky, and he’s looking me right in the eyes.  

“Don’t leave me, Taesanie. Sit here with me.” I almost can’t even speak or think. All these moments with him today are stacking up, leaving me speechless. I suddenly feel like I'm being courted.  

I finally just utter a stupid, “Uh, sure, OK.” That's so freakin’ lame. Kill me now. I sit in his lap, internally screaming inside. I never would have imagined anything like this happening tonight. Taking a swig of my beer, I purposely lean back into him since he put me here to begin with, and also he didn’t seem to mind earlier. Why not? Of course, when I look around, everyone is looking at us. Some who are surprised, like me, and the ones who are loving this are smiling their asses off, like Euijoo and Nicholas. Their knowing looks annoy me and excite me at the same time. They know how much of an epic big deal this is for me.  

“Hey, Ricky-ah,” Matt says, “don’t you need to at least ask him out first before you do something like that?” Of course, the others start laughing at this. Matthew is so unfiltered; everyone knows this. I silently curse Matthew with my eyes. Shut up, will you? If you ruin this for me, I swear to God… Ricky, on the other hand, just grabs me tighter.  

“What? He already confessed his love to me earlier. Isn’t that good enough?” I bulge my eyes out. What? That was meant jokingly. He gives me another squeeze around my waist. “Right, Taesanie?,” he says expectantly, looking at me.  

“What, are you jealous or something, Matt?” I quip back. 

“Wow, OK, so that’s how it’s going to be. I see. I’ll just mind my own business then.” He shakes his head and laughs, raising his hands in surrender. “I’m not going to break up whatever this,” he gestures with his hands at us, “is.”  

The turn of events that happened tonight was not in my bingo card, so to say. But I’m not going to kick a gift horse in the mouth, so to also say. This is heaven right now, sitting in his lap, being held. I don’t quite understand Ricky yet. I’m going to take what I can get for now. If we can talk seriously at some point tonight, that would be even better, although I don’t know if I could muster the words to say. I turn back and offer him a sip from my bottle. He takes it and downs the rest, his Adam's apple bobbing. That’s so goddamn sexy. He puts the bottle on the table and leans back in the seat.  

There is a group of people singing another song, and then I’m suddenly given a mic. I happily join in. Ricky sits back up and shares the mic with me over my shoulder. His arms wrapped around my waist, not letting go. The song ends, and we hand the mic over, and Ricky leans back again. I chance it and lean back against him. My head is on his shoulder now. My back to his chest. He smells like an exotic fruit. I want to lick him. Instead, I place my hands on top of his that are wrapped around me. He nuzzles close to my ear, “Are you comfortable?” I nod my head. 

“What about you? Am I too heavy?”  

“No, you're perfect,” he almost whispers.  

I get goosebumps, and my dick twitches. Holy fuck. I’m using all my willpower to not turn around right now and straddle him.  

“You do look really good tonight, Taesan-ah. I wanted to tell you earlier, but Matthew beat me to it.”  

“Ricky-ah,” I take a deep breath, “what’s going on right now between us?” I look into his eyes now. I want to know if he’s intentionally flirting with me because he likes me or if this is going to be one of those things where we get too intimate, and then he avoids me for months after that.  

He looks a little taken aback by my question, and I wonder if I shouldn’t have said anything. 

“I just want to get to know you better. We’re both friends with Nico, but we haven’t really spent a lot of time together.”  

“Is that really it? That’s all?” I breathe out a heavy sigh, and my stomach is churning. “You just want to be friends?” I just want to go home now.  

“Yeah, I just want to be friends.” 

“Sure, let's be just friends.” I try not to sound as sad as I am, but I can’t help it. I need to get away. “I’m going to go to the bathroom.” I open his hands from around me, and he lets them fall to the side, looking a little confused by my abrupt change in attitude. I stand up and weave around everyone to get out the door. Some people are happily hugging me as they dance around with each other, tipsy and blissful. I’m jealous of their carefree happiness.  

Nico soon finds me hiding in the stairwell. So he must have seen what happened.  

“You OK, man? What did Ricky say? I thought everything was going well with you two.” He starts rubbing my back consolingly. 

“He said he wants to be friends. I stupidly thought for a second that he might actually be flirting with me.” I shake my head, angry and annoyed. “Maybe it’s time to give up. I don’t think I can do this shit anymore. I was so happy for about 5 minutes. Now I want to go curl up in my bed and cry.”  

Nico stops rubbing my back and brings me into a hug. “I’m sorry, Taesan-ah. Should I just take you home now? Matt is having his manager come pick them up anyway. We can take a cab back.”  

“No, it’s fine. We still have an hour, and you haven’t seen Euijoo in a while. Don’t worry about me; spend time with your boyfriend. I’m just going to get wasted and forget how shitty I feel right now.”  

I can tell he doesn’t really like this idea, but I’m not going to ruin his night too. “If at any time you’re ready to go, we’ll leave; just say the word, alright?” 

“Alright, alright, let’s get back in there.” 

Entering back into the small hell I’m enduring alone, it’s gotten hot and musky in here with all the bodies, and the different scents coming off all those bodies are mixing together, leaving a woodsy, fruity smell. It’s a little overwhelming, but not terrible. I’m avoiding Ricky now, trying not to be obvious, but his very obvious gaze is following me around the room. What’s this about? Telling myself instead not to give a shit, I grab something way harder than beer and pour myself a whisky. This shit is terrible, but it will get the job done. 

“Why did you suddenly leave? Did I do or say something wrong?” Ricky had saddled up beside me when I didn’t notice. Great. “Or do you not want to be friends with me?” 

He keeps talking, but I’m not listening to any of it. I take my drink and gulp it down, dribbling some down my chin. Not caring, I pour another one and repeat. All the while he is still lingering, talking. I take the bottle and head over to an open spot to sit. Ricky follows. What is his deal with me right now? Can’t he just go back to ignoring me?  

He stops talking after finally realizing that I’m not going to respond. He just sits there quietly instead. Watching me down glass after glass. Whatever, if that’s what you choose to do with your night. Someone at some point comes to ask if either of us wants to sing, but Ricky responds for the both of us. “No, we’re good. We’ll just watch.”  

I’m so out of it soon enough. I suddenly jump up from my seat and start dancing. I don’t know if it’s the music in the room, or maybe it’s the music in my head. Either way, I don’t care. I start swaying back and forth and nodding my head, the best my drunk ass can manage. I lift my hands over my head. I then realize I’m dancing to the song Ricky taught me earlier. So the song is in my head.  

“Taesan-ah, I don’t think you should be doing that right now. You might get hurt.” 

“But I’m already hurt.” I slur. “So it doesn’t even matter.” 

“What do you mean, you're already hurt?”  

“I’m so tired, Ricky-ah.” 

“Tired like you want to go to bed?” 

“No, not like that.” I look over at him. “Tired of something, or more like someone.” 

“Is this about you being hurt?” He’s obviously confused by my rambling. I don’t make any sense. He stands up and comes over to me when he sees me start to stumble. 

“No, don’t do that. This is exactly why I feel like shit.” 

He doesn’t listen and grabs me, stopping me from falling over. I continue to embarrass myself, rambling on some more. Ricky leads me back to where we were sitting.  

“Do you hate me, Taesan?”  

“I just wish you would understand without me having to say it.” All the energy I just had suddenly vanishes. I have no fight left in me. I slowly relax my body into him, closing my eyes. “I don’t hate you, Ricky-ah. It’s the opposite.”                                                                                  

                                                                                                                      ~

I wake the next morning with a splitting headache. Eyes blurring, room spinning, stomach in protest, I slowly lift my head up and look to the other side of the room. Nicholas isn’t in his bed. I slip out of bed and drag my ass down the hall. Everyone is still sleeping. What time is it? I peek in Woonhak's room. Sure enough, I find Nico in his usual place in his second bed, cuddled up next to the maknae. I trudge to the kitchen and grab a glass of water and spot the clock on the wall. It’s only around 7am. Everyone is probably going to be up soon. Why did I have to drink so much? I don’t even remember what happened after I started drinking. Next, I head to the bathroom to shower first and get ready.  

When I get back to my room, my phone chirps with a notification. What is so important this early in the morning? Picking up my phone, I open the notification and freak, dropping my phone to the floor.  

“What?” Nicholas asks, just walking in to the room. “How are you feeling?” he laughs. 

“Why is Ricky texting me, hyung?” I look over at Nico with my shocked face and raised eyebrows. “I mean, how does he have my number to even text me?” 

“Legendary.” He starts laughing hysterically. “I knew you would forget.”  

“What?” I’m more than freaking out right now. “What did I do?” Oh crap.  

Ignoring my hysterics, he asks me a question instead. “So...what did Ricky-ah say?” His eyebrows are twitching up and down while he's staring me down with a grin. This asshole.  

“He asked if I slept alright. That he wants to talk to me later, at the show.” I’m desperate for answers. “Please, asshole, tell me what I did last night.” 

He shakes his head, amused. “You got trashed, and Ricky took care of you last night. You were embarrassing the hell out of yourself, and he didn't care. He insisted he was fine and that he wanted to do it. He even wanted to help bring you back to the dorm, but I somehow convinced him not to. I can’t tell you everything. I don’t even know everything you said to him. I think I’ll leave that to your talk later with him. But Taesanie,” he looks at me softly, “your acting like a fool didn’t scare him away. Think about that.”  

I just can’t believe what I’m hearing. I’m too embarrassed to even face him. Not knowing what it is, I said to him, makes it even worse. Crap, what am I going to do? 

Nico heads back out, and I’m left trying to pull up any memories from last night. Lowering myself onto my bed, I lean down and pick up my phone to look at the message again. Should I respond? I don’t want him to think I’m ignoring him, even though that’s exactly what I want to do. I can’t do that to Ricky, though. Especially after hearing he took care of me.  

I hesitate over the keyboard.  

Giant Mountain — I slept fine 

thanks for taking care of me last night 

sorry if I was an ass 

I don’t know what else to say.  

Ricky – That's a relief 

I was worried about you 

I’m glad you gave me your number 

I would have been spamming Nico asking about you 

It’s really weird hearing this sentiment coming from him.  

Giant Mountain —are you sure you still want to be friends? 

Ricky – let's just wait till we see each other later 

Giant Mountain — ok , I’ll talk to you later then 

Bye 

Ricky – bye Taesanie 

That doesn’t sound good at all. When I asked him about being friends, he shut down the conversation. He needs to talk to me in person. I have a feeling I’m about to get cussed out in my near future. Sighing because there is nothing to be done about this situation, I resume getting ready. I need to get rid of this hangover and eat something to calm my stomach.  

Sitting at the table, next to Nico and Woonhak I just have to ask. “Hey, Nico, wouldn’t Euijoo be mad or jealous knowing you sleep with Woonagi half the week?” 

He scoffs at that. “I’ll have you know that, although it hasn’t been said verbally, but I’m pretty sure I’ve adopted Woonhak.” 

I look at him amused. “How so?” 

“Well, Woonhak refers to my boyfriend as Mom now, so...” He looks over at Woonhak who’s smiling happily at this.  

“Mom loves me.” Woonhak chimes in, smiling with his mouth full of food. “All I have to do is threaten him about telling on him, and he does what I want.” 

“How did this even happen? How did Euijoo hyung get so close to Woonagi?” 

“That’s a story, but the short version is that Juju misses Taki so he needs someone to fill his spot.” 

I’m so confused by this. Taki? As in Taki from &Team? How would he even know him? “Will I even ever hear this ‘ story’ or the story about you two meeting?” 

“I'll tell you one day. When I know you're ready.” 

Now what’s that supposed to mean when I’m ready ? 

                                                                                                                     ~

Now that we’re at our last show, it’s kinda sad, but I’m also exhausted. This is like a bittersweet moment. We worked so hard on this album, and now the official promotions are over. That doesn’t mean the work stops. There is not really a break. There are still magazine shoots, product advertisements, variety shows...the list goes on. And of course it’s back to the studio.  

“Taesan, you’re up next for hair and makeup.” Leehan wakes me from my nodding off.  

“Are you doing ok, Taesan-ah?” He’s looking at me with his puppy eyes. “Why did you drink so much last night?”  

“I’m sorry, I've just got some personal stuff going on. I won’t be doing that again anytime soon.” He’s still looking at me like he wants me to explain more, but I just can’t talk to him about everything yet. “There is someone I like. That’s all.” 

He turns to face me. “There's some you like?” His eyes are huge. He looks startled at my confession.  

“Yeah, I’ve liked this person for almost 2 years. I’ve been holding this back for almost 2 years. I kinda had a breakdown last night.” 

“Why have you never told me this before? You know you can tell me this stuff. You don’t have to keep everything in. You have all of us. We are a family.” 

“I know, I need to start doing that a lot more, or I’m going to fall apart.” 

The day goes by as usual. Long, lots of waiting, rehearsal, seeing the fans. Ricky texts me after not running into each other all day, and I don’t respond. This isn’t really a good place to have a private conversation. I start scrolling through my camera roll, looking at the pictures I’ve taken today. Then I find something I didn’t expect to see. A selfie of me and Ricky from last night. When did I take this? I look happy in it at least, and Ricky has his chin on my shoulder. He’s wearing his serious, sexy face, leaving me questioning again what the heck happened last night.  

In the end I never saw Ricky; that was partly on purpose and partly because their schedule was just too busy. When I get home, I crash onto my bed. Nico is already in the shower; he is leaving right away to go meet Euijoo again. I’m exhausted emotionally and physically. Ricky keeps texting me and has even called, but I’m too embarrassed to even respond.  

“I’m headed out now, Taesanie; don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone.”  

“Yessir,” I say, saluting him with my face down in my pillow, not even looking up. 

After he leaves, I head to the shower next. I plan on vegetating to a drama and falling asleep.  

Right when I leave the bathroom, I hear the sound of the doorbell. I hear Leehan’s voice, “Ricky-ah? Nicholas, hyung isn’t here; he left a little bit ago.” 

Ricky, oh shit, what is he doing here?  

“I know, I’m not here to see Nico hyung. I’m here for Taesan.”  

“Taesan?” 

I decide to face up to the inevitable and head to the living room. Seeing Leehan’s confused face when I enter, he looks a little heartbroken. I guess he might be figuring out why Ricky is here for me.  

“Hey Ricky-ah, you didn’t have to come here.” 

“You wouldn’t answer my texts, Taesan. You ignored my calls. Why won’t you talk to me?” He looks like a boyfriend in a drama after breaking up over a misunderstanding. Desperate. “Please, Taesan. Please, talk to me.”  

“What’s going on, Taesan?” Leehan turns to me, asking.  

I shake my head. “It’s nothing, Leehan. I’ll just go out for a bit to talk with Ricky.” I slip my shoes on and grab a hat that’s lying by the door. I think it's Riwoo’s. “I’ll be right back, Leehan.” 

He keeps watching me, confused, as I pull Ricky out the door with me. “Come on, Ricky-ah, let's talk outside.” 

He follows me quietly. He doesn’t say anything the whole way down the elevator, but that doesn’t stop him from looking at me the whole way instead. He seems to be really looking at me. Trying to figure me out.  

We reach the parking garage, and I walk to a secluded area where there are no people and there’s a blind spot from the cameras. “Ok, let’s talk.”  

“When did you start liking me?” 

His abrupt, straightforward question throws me off guard. Did I actually tell him I liked him last night? I’m a fucking idiot. “It was when we were singing at GayoDaejeon together. You smelled really freakin’ good.” I laugh sheepishly. “Then after that, I couldn’t get you out of my head. I wrote so many songs about you. It’s embarrassing.”  

He looks surprised at my confession. “I would love to hear them one day.” 

I’m bitter now. “Why would you want to? Did I actually tell you I liked you last night? I’m sorry that I did that. You don’t have to pretend to be nice to me because I confessed. I don’t expect that from you” 

“You didn’t confess last night. I asked you if you hated me, and you responded that you didn’t and that it was the opposite. So of course that means that you actually like me. I figured you didn’t mean it in a friend's way either, and that was why you were pissed last night.” 

“Why are you here, Ricky? Why do we need to talk about this? I’m already embarrassed enough, and I don’t even remember anything I did or said last night after I started drinking.” 

“Why do you think I’m here, Taesan?” He is so frustrated with me now. I’ve never seen him like this before. “I'm going out of my comfort zone for you, Taesanie. I don’t reach out to people, keep up with group chats, or respond to texts, even from my friends, but I’m the one initiating that, for you. Don’t you think that might mean something?” 

What he is saying is crazy. I need to know, though. It’s killing me not knowing how he feels. “Do you like me? Why have you ignored me so much up until last night?” I stare at him, waiting for an answer. He’s taking too long to answer yes or no. I’m getting agitated and want to bolt. I’m about ready to when he finally reacts, sensing my unease.  

Walking up to me. He responds by grabbing my chin, and with no hesitation this time, brings our lips together. I kiss him back. We kiss until we're both out of breath. He leans his head on my shoulder. “I told them I would only go out last night if you were coming too.” His breath is heavy from the kissing but also from a hesitation. “I didn’t want it to seem so obvious that I liked you. Just in case you didn’t like me back. I had no idea you even liked me till you got drunk.” He laughs, and I’m embarrassed again by my idiotic self.  

“When did you start liking me?” I ask 

“The very first time Nicholas introduced us to each other outside of work. When we all went to the arcade. Do you remember that?” 

I do remember that. It was way before I started liking him. How is this possible? This is why introverts always stay single. “I do remember, but why did you like me then?” 

He laughs, “I’m not quite sure of the exact moment. I just really thought you were cute, and also,” he turns, a little shy, then looks back, “those pants you were wearing. I couldn’t keep my eyes off your ass. Sorry,” he says, embarrassed. He smiles at me and nuzzles into me again. “So, when I text or call, are you going to respond now?” He’s looking at me expectantly with a curious expression on his face. 

“When in my drunken state last night did I even manage to give you my number and also the selfie?” I’m really curious about this story.  

Laughing at this, he says, “You suddenly grabbed me by my collar.” He grabs me, deciding it’s funniest to reenact it. “Then you got in my face.” He hovers his lips just over mine. “Then you said, Hey, give me your phone; I’m giving you my number. You better call me ,” except he’s saying it sexy and quite unlike my drunk ass. I probably yelled in his face.  

I gulp. “Then what happened?” 

He kisses me before responding. “You put your number in my phone.” He shrugs like that's all. 

“What about the photo?” 

He shrugs again a little shy, then says quietly again, “I asked you to take that. You took it on my phone and AirDropped it to yourself.” He pauses for a second. “I want to go on a date with you. It might not be till after the promotions settle down, but as soon as I have time.” 

I let this sink in. This is actually happening and not just me fantasizing. I nod my head. “OK, I’ll wait for your call.”  

I kiss him again and snuggle my nose into his collarbone. “Why do you always smell so good, Ricky-ah? It drives me crazy.” 

He wraps his arms around me. “I’m so glad you got so drunk last night; otherwise, I wouldn’t be holding you in my arms right now.”  

“Even though I felt like shit this morning and ashamed, I’m glad, too.”  

We stay like this for a few more minutes. Then say goodbye. I am exhausted, and he still has an early schedule tomorrow.  

I get back to the dorm, and Leehan is there waiting for me. The smile on my face drops. “Leehan, what's wrong? You didn’t have to wait for me.” 

“Is that the person you like? Is it Ricky?” 

“Hm”, I nod, “yes.” I start heading to my room. “I'm going to bed now, Leehan. Goodnight.” 

I lay down and do what I had planned on doing before Ricky came. I get out my iPad and put on the latest drama everyone has been talking about. Ricky drops me a text. 

Ricky – Goodnight Taesanie 

Giant Mountain - goodnight  

I drift off after only getting through less than half an episode. When I wake up the next morning. I feel warmth and arms wrapped around me. Someone's breath is blanketing the back of my neck. I try moving away, but the hands close in around me tighter.  

“Taesanie, can’t you like me instead?”  

Leehan?  

Chapter Text

“Leehan what the hell are you talking about? Since when have you even liked me?” I ask, trying not to overreact.  

“I’ve always liked you.” He says this like he’s trying to coax a puppy into coming over to him to get petted.   

“Always...”  

“Yes, since we were trainees together. I never told you because we are in the group together.” He runs his hands through his hair and breathes out a long sigh. “But now, after finding out that you like someone who isn’t me, it's tearing me apart inside. I honestly didn’t know I was going to feel this way.” He sits down on the bed and puts his face in his hands. “I thought it would be fine just being together in the group, even if we couldn’t date.”   

Sitting down next to him, I feel for him completely. I know how he feels. He is probably worse off than me because I’ve been right here the whole time. Beside him, so close. Shit. I don’t know what to do.   

“Donghyun, what do you want to do now?” I turn toward him and sincerely ask him. “What should we do?”   

He does what I haven’t seen him do in a long time. He cries. Heartbreaking cries. His body is shaking, and he’s hiding his tears from me with his hands. Trying so hard to answer through the tears, he is only able to say, “I don’t know,” through his shaky breaths.   

It’s the worst to have to witness this, but to know it’s because it’s your own fault is even worse. I did this to him. Pulling him down, I putt his head in my lap. I try to comfort him by running my hands through his hair. What would make this even worse is if someone walked in right now and saw this. Please, not today .   

“I want to make this better for you, Donghyun. But I don’t know what to do right now.”  

“Please,” he pleads. Please just stay with me right now. Grabbing a fistful of my sweatpants in desperation.   

“I won’t go anywhere, Donghyun, not till you're ready.” He calms down; I can feel his body relaxing.   

Leehan has finally cried himself out after a long 10 minutes or so. Still not knowing what to do with our predicament, I wait for him to speak first. Without the sounds of his crying, it’s unbearably too quiet. I have been soothing him by keeping my hands busy rubbing his back and shoulders and petting his head. It’s what you would do for a small child. Having a good cry is exhausting, and I wonder if he’ll fall asleep.   

“Dongmin-ah, have you never thought about me?”  

The sudden sound of his voice sounds way too loud in the small room, even though he is speaking barely above a whisper. He’s grabbing my sweatpants again; they’ve gone damp with his tears. “I won’t lie to you, Donghyun. I did before, but that was before we debuted. I decided it wouldn’t be a good idea to feel that way about you for the same reasons as you.”   

“Really! You did?” He pulls himself up, still keeping his hands on my lap as he looks at me surprised.   

I grab some tissues from my side table and wipe Leehan’s face. His eyes never leave my face. His already naturally innocent puppy dog eyes are looking even more angelic. He’s thinking, I can tell. Slowly raising his hands, he gently takes mine, pulling them away from his face. He pulls me in closer. Looking at each other eye to eye, barely a moment passes when he presses his soft, gentle lips on mine. Not forcing it, slowly savoring the moment, not being too greedy, he continues kissing me. I’m not stopping him but still debating whether to kiss him back or push him away. I shouldn’t have to think about it, but my mind has gone all delirious and hazy, remembering all the times I used to think about doing this with him. Every time he laughed or smiled, I would melt. All the times we shared the same bed because we were homesick. The late nights staying up talking about all our worries and stress. He was always there for me then. I stopped telling him everything after we debuted and kept my feelings at bay. Deciding this was for the best for both of us. Now here we are doing what we both tried to avoid. I kiss him back, even though I’m still so conflicted. Sensing that I have finally made a decision, he leans more into the kiss, pushing me down onto the bed. I don’t even hesitate and grab at his collar, pulling him along with me. He grazes his lips over my neck and gently bites it, making me sting with pleasure. I involuntarily moan in response.   

“Shh, Taesanie, I love that you enjoyed that, but we really can’t have anyone coming in here right now.”  

I respond by taking my hands and snaking them up his shirt and grinding my hips up to meet his, making him laugh.   

“Are you trying to take revenge?” He comes back to my lips, kissing me fiercely.  

I grind into him again. We have done so little, yet I’m still so worked up, helpless for more. My hands are now pushing his hips down to meet mine on the way up. The fabric of both our cotton pants is doing nothing to hide the hardness growing between us. Trying to hold back another moan, I gasp for breath. “Donghyun-ah,” I plead.   

“Do you want more?”   

I shake my head, “Please.” He rutts into me harder, and I moan again while he catches it with a kiss. Pulling him back down to my neck, he laughs and accepts. Nipping me again before sucking on me, pleasure spreads through my body. This feels too good.   

“I want you so bad, Taesan-ah, but we can't do it now. Is it OK if I do one thing though before we stop?”   

I’m so desperate for anything he does to me, so I nod my head lustfully while biting my bottom lip. “Whatever you want to do, Leehanie.”  

Sitting up, he looks down at me, then his hands hover over my waistband a second before pulling them down far enough to release my hardness. I’m feeling self-conscious, baring myself to him. I want to hide myself, but he is already moving to touch it.  

“Remember to stay as quiet as you can for me.”  

I nod my head again, being nervous and eager at the same time. He grabs my length and strokes it a few times before he leans all the way down, wrapping his mouth around me. I’m immediately holding back a moan, grasping at the sheets on the bed, tilting my head back. “Ahh, Donghyun, mmh.”   

He continues to stroke and suck. I feel the pleasure mounting in me. I buck my hips up when he licks the precum off my tip, swirling it around before going back to sucking. This time he squeezes my balls too. Without realizing it, my hands have entwined in his hair. Holding his head down with the intense pleasure. I can feel him rubbing himself on the bed, trying to find release for himself. That makes me even more turned on. I want to make him feel this good, too.   

“Donghyun-ah, I’m gonna cum.” I barely get out before he releases me, and I shoot all over my stomach. He disappears long enough to get some more tissues and helps me clean myself up. I look down at his pants and see the moistness leaked through. He must have come too. Sitting beside me, he leans down to place a gentle kiss on my lips.   

“Did you like that, baby?” Taking his hand to brush the hair off my face, smiling happily at me, “I want to always make you happy.” My hands take his, and I kiss the back of each of them.  

“Donghyun, what about Ricky? This wasn’t supposed to happen.”  

“Did you start dating?”  

“We did just confess our mutual feelings. We were planning on an official date after his promotions were done. Leehanie, I still have feelings for him. They didn’t just go away. I told you how long I’ve liked him. I have to tell him what happened.”   

“Are you saying you’re still going to pick him over me?”  

“I need to at least tell him what happened between us first. I’m not going to lie to him. If he doesn’t want me anymore, I’m still going to need time to think about us. I’m sorry, but that’s all I can tell you for now. Just wait for me, please, Donghyun-ah.”   

He nods his head. “I’ve waited this long; I think I can wait a little bit longer.” Helping me sit up, my post-orgasm euphoria is still present, and I’m reluctant to move just yet. I grab him a clean pair of sweats to wear back to his room and throw his soiled ones in with my dirty clothes. He pulls me into a hug and kisses me on the forehead before saying goodbye and heading back to his room he shares with Sungho. Alone in the room again, the quietness is too much; my thoughts are running all over the place. What do I tell Ricky? How can I possibly explain this to him? He is going to hate me. How did I let this happen? This time yesterday I had no love interests, at least to my knowledge at the time; now I have two. I plop back down on my bed, face down. “Ahh, what do I do now?”  

“What’s wrong with you now?” Nicholas’ voice disrupts my thoughts, and I roll over on the bed. “Why does it smell like sex and shame in here? Did you just... release some stress?” he says, laughing at me.  

“Shut up, you dick,” I yell, throwing my pillow at him. “Where have you been anyway?”   

“Way to divert the question?” He stalks further into the room, placing his favorite oversized bag on his bed. He keeps it in the small room we all use to store extra clothes, bags, and shoes. Basically anything we can’t fit in our own rooms. “I was with Woonagi, duh.”  

“What’s with the bag?”   

“Since it’s a rare day off, My Juju and I are taking Woonhak out like we promised. All his college friends are coming along. We're going to a baseball game, then follow up with going to the BBQ place we went to before.”   

“Ok, but what’s with the bag?”  

“I need to bring the essentials.”  

“Yeah, and what’s that, condoms and lube?” I smirk at his shocked face and start laughing.  

“Taesan, you asshole.” Taking my pillow from the floor, he throws it back at me, then jumps on me. Tickling me till I roll over, he then swats me hard on the ass. “At least I have a boyfriend, you jerk.”   

“Whatever, you have missed a lot since you left me yesterday.”  

Skeptical about anything happening at all, “What, I missed you yanking it while crying about your misery? I don’t think that’s newsworthy.”  

“Ricky and Leehan both confessed to me.” I blurt it out before he can say anything else insulting.   

He’s quiet, letting this sink in. “You’re not fucking lying, are you? No wonder Leehan had been acting strange lately.”  

“Wait, you noticed? I wouldn’t for obvious reasons. I’m such a selfish asshole.”  

“That’s for sure; you don’t seem to notice lots of stuff.”  

“What’s that supposed to mean? What else have I not noticed?”  

“Like the fact that I was gone for two weeks.”  

More than confused now, “When the hell were you gone? You’ve been here the whole time. Are you crazy”  

“You know that story you’ve been wanting to hear?”  

“Yes, that insufferable story you keep mentioning but never tell.”  

“I’ll tell it to you now.” He pulls his chair over to my side of the room and sits it in front of me on the bed. “Right before our promotions started, I woke up in someone else’s life and stayed stuck there for two weeks.”  

“What the hell are you saying? You are crazy.”  

He keeps going, “I was still me, but not in this world. In the other world I was Nicholas of &Team not Nicholas of BOYNEXTDOOR. That’s where I met Euijoo for the first time. He was the leader.”   

His completely serious face is making it hard to mock him. I’m also so shocked to hear about the different world. College boy Euijoo was the leader of &Team. That just doesn’t make any sense to me. That’s too contrasting.   

“So that’s how Euijoo knows Taki? Wait, so your Euijoo was in the other world too?” That’s also hard to believe.  

“Yes, except I didn’t know he was my Juju because we never met before. I didn’t know I had Juju here too. He found out when we got back that the other Juju tracked me down, and the rest you know because you witnessed it, but I didn’t. I can’t believe you didn’t know that wasn’t really me. That’s kinda heartbreaking.”  

“Whatever, your personality must be the same in every universe. You’re annoying, you know that? So that means you never met the other me.”   

“Thank God, no, I don’t think I could handle two whiny Taesans in my life.” Laughing at the misery of all Taesans, Nico is thrilled.   

“Jerk, you don’t even know if the other me is anything like me. Was I still in the group?”   

“Yeah, it was the same, except I wasn’t there and Jaehyun was the leader instead of Riwoo.”  

“Jaehyun the leader? Now that I can’t believe.”   

“Believe it, man, a different life can have many differences. Just like how Euijoo didn’t become an idol here. He could have been an awesome idol.” He smiles to himself, “So sexy.”   

“Gross, shut up. I don’t want to hear that stuff. Just leave already. Don’t you have plans?” I try to get my point across even more by kicking him away from me.   

“It’s not even time to go yet. Stop trying to kick me out.” He’s trying to act insulted, but he’s laughing.   

“Wait, so if you didn’t have me in that other world, who was my replacement?”   

“That would be Maki.”  

“That kid, the maknae? Doesn’t he speak English really well? Wow, he’s really cool. I’m officially jealous now.”   

“Yeah, he chewed me out good; I was impressed.”  

“What did you do to deserve that.”  

“It wasn't me that did anything, but the real Nico.”  

“Oh,” intrigued, “what did he do then?”  

“Sounds like at the time he was a potential trash boyfriend to Juju. I guess they figured their shit out while they were here together.”  

A couple of hours later, Euijoo arrives at the dorm with his roommate, Sungchul, another extremely attractive guy. Where do these guys keep coming from? Woonhak of course, is very happy about going out with the hyungs today.   

“Mom,” he jumps up from the couch to greet and hug Euijoo.   

“My Woonagi,” Euijoo squeezes him hard back. “I missed you.”   

After Nico’s group leaves, I head back to my room and text Ricky.  

Giant Mountain – Ricky   

I know you’re busy   

But is there any way I can see you tonight?  

Ricky – Do you miss me already?  

I’ve been thinking about you all day 2  

Why is he so sweet right now when I have the worst news to tell him?  

Ricky – I will come to you after we are done for the day  

It will probably be really late  

Is that ok?  

Giant Mountain - yes  

That's fine  

Meet me in the community park by our dorms  

No one is there that late  

Ricky - got it  

I will text you when I'm on my way  

Giant Mountain – great  

See u then  

Ricky – miss u   

Giant Mountain - miss u 2  

Ricky texts me at around 11pm. I grab my hoodie and a mask and head out.   

Making sure there is in fact no one else here, I sit in a swing while I wait for Ricky to arrive. It’s gotten chilly, and I zone out while shivering, waiting. I’ve been practicing what I have to say to him all day. I still don’t know how I’m going to say it, despite all the practicing.   

Warm arms wrap around me from behind. I briefly move into the embrace. “Ricky-ah,” I place my hands over his, “I have something I need to tell you.”  

“What is it? Is something wrong?”  

“Yes, something is wrong. I did something very bad, and you’re not going to forgive me.”  

He comes around the swing and kneels down in front of me. “Why wouldn’t I forgive you?” he asks in disbelief. “What could you have possibly done that I wouldn’t forgive you for?”  

“This morning,” I choke out, “something happened between Leehan and me. I...I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean for it to happen.”  

“What happened, Taesan-ah?” His voice raises an octave. “Did you two sleep together? Is that what you mean by something happened?”  

“We didn’t sleep together, no, but we did something similar.”  

“Oh, come on, Taesan. How did this even happen? We just said how we feel about each other last night. How did this happen this morning?” He’s pacing back and forth in front of me now, agitated.   

“I recently told him how I had feelings for someone. When he found out it was you, he wasn’t happy about it. I woke up with him next to me. He told me about his feelings; turns out I guess I still had feelings for him, and one thing led to another...”  

“Wait, you had feelings for him? When?”  

“Before we debuted. When we were still trainees. I thought my feelings had gone away when I started to have feelings for you. I haven’t thought about him that way for a long time.”  

“I finally felt so happy knowing we liked each other. How did everything get so screwed up so quickly?” He’s finally stopped pacing. “Taesanie,” he drops back down in front of me, looking so defeated and exhausted.  “Please, please, don’t leave me.”  

“Ricky,” I don’t understand what he is saying right now. “Why would you still want me? I’m a piece of shit.”   

“No, that’s not all your fault,” he’s grasping at me now. “That asshole has a part in it too. He shouldn’t have climbed in your bed knowing you liked me.”  

“No, Ricky-ah, I think it would be best if I didn’t hurt you anymore. I should let you go. You should be happy with someone better than me.”  

I stand from the swing and gently push him away from me. I'm so close to bursting into tears, and I don’t want him to see me like that.   

“Go home now, Ricky; I’m going back inside. It’s cold.”  

I walk away, leaving him still crouched on the ground, lonely and defeated.   

I can’t believe I already broke his heart.   

The next day we are back to work at the company. I told Leehan it’s best to not try to talk to me. I was barely keeping it together. I kept busy working, writing, and dancing to keep my mind off Ricky and the look on his face when I left him there. Why did he forgive me so easily? He still wanted to work things out, despite what I did. Why would he do that?  

After getting back from the company. I shower and head to the kitchen.   

It’s late, everyone is quiet, doing their own thing, some in their own rooms, some vegging out in front of the TV watching something together. I’m in the kitchen stress eating alone. The doorbell suddenly rings, making me jump, waking me from my thoughts.   

Sungho being the closest to the door this time, goes to check who it is. I fear I already know. The first thing I hear is Ricky’s voice loud in the quiet dorm. “Where is Leehan?”   

Leehan is already in the living room. I’m peering around the corner. Leehan walks cautiously over to Ricky. I didn’t think Ricky would come back here after last night. He must have been thinking about this all day. Lost. Till it led him here, to this moment.   

Before Leehan can utter a single word, Ricky is raising his fist in a fury I’ve never seen before on anyone in real life; he rocks his body back and throws his fist hard into Leehan’s face. A loud cracking noise thunders through the room. Everyone is in shock. Mouths held open. Unable to stay where I am any longer, I come running to Ricky to calm him down.   

“Ricky, please stop. Calm down.” I'm wrapping my arms around him in an attempt to hold his raging arms down. I can feel his heart beating so fast, his breath heavy, and his stare never leaving Leehan.   

Leehan is bent over, holding his face with one hand, his hair helping shield the redness. “What?”   

“How could you do that, you asshole?”  

“Do what?”  

“Do you want me to punch you again?” Ricky is struggling with me to get closer to Leehan. “How can you be so shamelessly smug right now?”  

“I wasn’t going to give up.” He looks up and smirks. “He still has feelings for me too; otherwise it wouldn’t have happened.”  

“What is going on in here?” comes Riwoo’s voice, inching closer to the scene.   

“I’m sorry, Riwoo hyung, this is all my fault.” I’m so ashamed of myself, bringing all my drama into everyone else’s life.   

Everyone looks at Riwoo as if he will have the answer to this mess, even though it’s not even his.   

“Ok, Taesan, Leehan, and Ricky, go talk in Taesan’s room, please.” He's shaking his head like he can’t believe he has to deal with this shit. He shouldn’t have to deal with this. I should have done something sooner.   

“Ok, hyung, I’ll try to fix this mess.”   

I grab Ricky by the arm and push Leehan’s back, pushing him towards the hall and down to my door. Nico, oblivious to the drama just outside, is relaxed on his bed with his earbuds in on a video call to his boyfriend. He looks up, alarmed at seeing not just me, but both Ricky and Leehan too.  

“What the hell is this?” He sits up confused, forehead wrinkled.   

“Nico hyung please get out.”  

He shakes his head, jumping from his bed, and bolts as fast as possible, feeling the tension in the room building.   

“Leehan, sit on Nico hyungs bed, please. Ricky,” I indicate my bed, “here.” I stand in the middle of the room between them. “This needs to end tonight. A decision needs to be made. Agree?”   

I look between them for their answer. Ricky is still obviously enraged but trying to calm down, I think for my sake. Leehan, looks relaxed and unbothered as always.   

“So, you didn’t throw him away like he feared?” Leehan’s question to Ricky startles me. Was that what he had planned on? Did he do this on purpose?  

“No, you asshole. Why should I have to give him up for you? You selfish piece of crap.”   

I have to know. “Leehan, did you plan to do this? Did you want Ricky to hate me?”   

His face softens looking at me. “No, I didn’t plan any of what happened. I thought I had missed my shot. So, knowing Nicholas wasn't in here that night, I snuck in here for one last snuggle. That was it. I didn’t plan ahead. I was too miserable to do that. I kept thinking about how stupid I was to not just tell you how I felt sooner. I knew it was my fault.” He looks at Ricky now. “I’m sorry, but at the same time, I'm not.”  

Ricky looks like he is about to jump from the bed and come strangle him, so I step in front of him, acting like a block. “No fighting in the room, settle down, Ricky.”  

He relaxes a little, but his hands are still in fists. Taking his hands in mine, I squat down to his level. “Ricky, you don’t have to do this. You can walk away right now. I won’t blame you. I didn’t think you would come back anyway”   

“Can I talk with just Leehan alone? I promise not to... I won’t hurt him.”  

Unsure of this, I look behind me at Leehan. “Are you ok with that?”   

“Yeah, I’m fine with that.” He brushes me along my back. “We’ll talk civilly and figure this out. Don’t worry. We won’t kill each other.”  

I’m worried but agree to let them talk alone. I hope this isn’t another mistake. I leave the room, walking out backward, looking at both of them before closing the door. Making my way back to the living room with the others who are still there. Probably too curious about what’s going on to leave.   

“What exactly did you do, Taesan? Why are those two fighting?”  

I sheepishly sit down at the end of the couch, unable to relax completely. I flinch at the accusation in Nico’s question. Looking from one member to the other. Each waiting expectantly for my answer. Telling everyone my problem and about my actions is frightening. I’m ashamed of what I did.   

“Did you do something with Leehan after he confessed his feelings for you? After just being with Ricky?”  

How did he figure that out so easily? The sound of a gasp from the other end of the couch is a small distraction from having to answer Nico. Sungho is staring at me in shock.   

“Did you hook up with Leehan? When did this happen? What’s that got to do with Ricky?”  

Fuck Nicholas for putting me on blast like that. Sungho with the 50 questions. I’m cooked.   

“Taesanie, do you have two boyfriends?” Jaehyun is laughing at me from across the room.   

“What, no, of course not. I don’t have any boyfriends.” I won’t even have a prospect after they're done talking. I had to go and get greedy and fuck shit up.   

Are they really just talking in there? They're not trying to kill each other? I’m getting more nervous by the second. My leg starts bouncing uncontrollably up and down. I have to stay put and wait, even though it’s killing me.  

After around 20 minutes of nervous waiting, they both emerge from the bedroom. Leehan is the one to speak for the both of them. “Taesan-ah, we're ready for you to come back now.”  

Slowly rising from the couch, my heart is pounding. What did they talk about? Their faces are unreadable. I can’t tell what kind of decision I’m going to be told. Leehan guides me to walk in front of them back to my room.   

“Sit here,” Ricky says, pushing me into my bed while they sit together on Nico’s.   

“So we have come up with a solution that we both agree on.” Leehan looks at Ricky and then at me.   

“Do I not get a say in this solution?” I just know it’s over, and they won’t even let me say anything.   

“This solution was made so you won’t have to make a choice. We both know you won’t be able to make that decision given the fact we’re even doing this to begin with,” Ricky adds.  

What’s that supposed to mean? This doesn’t sound good. “So, what’s the solution? What did you two agree on?”  

They both look at each other before nodding and looking at me. “We’re both going to date you.” They say in unison.   

“Ha, I knew it!” Jaehyun’s voice comes from the other side of the door.   

“Quit listening, you nosey shit.” I yell.   

This not what I was expecting, not at all. “What the hell are you two talking about? You're not serious, right? This is a test or some shit.”   

“No, we are very much serious,” Leehan says. “We knew you wouldn’t be able to choose between us, and neither of us wants to let you go, so this is the best solution for now at least.”  

“You’re both crazy. How do you plan on making this work? What if I tell you I don’t want either of you?”  

“Is that what you really want?” Ricky is looking at me like he knows that's not true.   

“Just do it, Taesan hyung. You somehow pulled two fine shyts. What’s there to think about?”   

“Woonagi, language.” I hear Euijoo’s voice. Is Nicholas still on the phone with Euijoo, letting him hear all this too?   

Why are we even in here talking when everyone in the dorm, plus even Euijoo is listening behind the door? This is so embarrassing.   

“Could all you people please just go? We’re trying to have a private conversation here.” I yell again. I get up and walk the few steps to the door. Whipping it open, I glare at everyone. “Go now. I’m stressed enough as it is. I think you have heard enough anyway. Go!”  

The disappointed looks on everyone’s faces piss me off even more. They’re acting like they are entitled to listen in, like my life is some drama to entertain them. I wait for them to stagger away, then close the door.   

Standing in front of the two men who said they wanted to ‘share’ me, I want to scream at them for doing this.   

“So spill, how do you plan to make this work?” I look at each of them expectantly.  

“Well there will be some rules, obviously.” Leehan says first.   

“Yes, like since you two live together, you two need to follow some house rules.” Ricky adds. “Like no sleeping in the same bed.” He continues. “No sleeping together nor fooling around like last time.”   

I raise my eyebrows at this.   

“You two aren't just going to play house here without me.” I see what he’s getting at.  

“So what is allowed then?”  

“We are allowed to kiss,” Leehan chimes in. “Holding hands and hugging is also fine. We both agreed on that, but dates have to be scheduled.”  

“Two solo dates a month each because of all our busy schedules, but we will have one group date with the three of us once a month.” Ricky looks at me, making sure I understand.   

I nod my head; they really did think this through. “But for how long is this going to go on for?”   

“Until one of us wants out,” Leehan takes my hand, reassuring me this is what they both want and hope I will too.   

This is crazy. This isn’t going to work.  

“Please Taesan-ah.” Ricky pleads. “Let’s just try it first, please. Just for a month first, at least.”  

I look over at Leehan now. His puppy dog eyes are pleading with me too. “Babe.”  

Leehan called me ‘babe,’ and Ricky didn’t jump him. That’s a good sign, right? “Pet names must be ok too, then?”  

“Of course, we’re not that petty. What do you take us for?” Ricky smiles at me.   

Uh, I just know this is a huge mistake. “Fine,” I say. “Let’s do it.” What the fuck is the matter with me?  

Chapter Text

Some people-well who am I kidding, most people-would think of me as selfish, greedy, whatever. Just to set the record straight, this was not my idea. It was theirs. I was going to let them both go. They refused that outcome. What was I supposed to do then?

This whole preposterous situation might leave all three of us heartbroken in the end. But also what if it doesn't? What if it actually works? Am I being too hopeful? I know that I, at least, will try my best to make this work. I want to be selfish and greedy or whatever right now.

I’m always glad I have Nico as a roommate, even if he is a pain in the ass sometimes. It’s especially nice to have someone to confide in.

“Nico hyung, you said you sleep with Woonhak often because he’s like an adoptive son or whatever. But you're doing it a lot more often. You’re hardly sleeping in your own bed now. Why’s that?”

“I guess it’s because whenever I miss Juju I sleep better with Woonhak than alone.”

“You miss Euijoo that much?”

“Yeah. Don't worry, you’ll understand soon.” he laughs.

“Ok, but what's Woonagi and you missing Euijoo have to do with each other?”

“Well, when I first introduced them to each other, Euijoo told me he had an instant connection with Woonhak. He said he felt all this warmth in his heart.

Although he spent only a little time with &Team, he got used to them very quickly. He misses them a lot. They were a family. Although he has loyal friends that are protective of him and care about him a lot, they can’t get that close. Probably because they don’t live together like a group does. He only has Sungchul.”

“Wow, so he doesn’t cuddle Sungchul when he misses you, does he?” I can’t help but laugh saying this. Picking on him for a change is a rare event these days.

And of course, I get kicked in the shin under the table for this. Whatever, it’s worth it.

“By the way, don’t you have your first date with Leehan tonight? Are you nervous?”

“Yeah, I’m a little nervous. To go from friends to boyfriends suddenly. It’s different. We’re no longer just two buddies hanging out. We’re not even sneaking around because everyone knows. Which makes it even weirder.”

“What’s the plan for tonight? Did you set up the date or did he?”

“He planned everything. I have no idea what we’re doing.”

“Sounds exciting. I wouldn’t be surprised if he goes overboard on your first date. He’s been into you for years, right?”

I nod, thinking he’s probably right. Knowing Leehan like I do, he’ll probably go full-on romantic. “Anyway, let’s get back to work.”

Standing up from the table after eating a quick lunch, we head back into the studio.

__

Later after returning to the dorm it’s time to get ready for my date. I’ve been thinking about what I was going to wear all night. I want to show him that I took some effort to look good for him. That also means not getting help from Nicholas. I want to be authentic me.

I decide on relaxed fit gray linen pants, a white Oxford shirt, and a dark blue cardigan. I was going for the boyfriend look.

I usually don’t do my hair myself, but I tried really hard to make it look nice by watching a tutorial on YouTube. It didn’t turn out exactly how it was supposed to, but it was good enough. I should have gotten tips from the hair and make-up noonas when I had the chance.

Sitting on my bed, scrolling on my phone to burn some time, there is a knock on the door. Leehan has come to pick me up. That’s what he wanted. Because we live together, he wanted a more date-like vibe, so he said he didn’t want to see me till it was time for the date, then he would pick me up at my room. It’s cheesy cute and so Donghyun.

I take one last quick visual slash fit check and open the door. Leehan is standing there looking stunning. His long locks hang down slightly curled at the ends. He’s wearing dark denim jeans with a casual v-neck sweater tucked in to show off his slim waist. I want to wrap my arms around him. I resit the urge and just smile and say, “Hi.”

I suddenly feel like a middle schooler. He is so pretty, and I can’t help but blush. I’ve seen him look like this before for shoots but never for me. I love this so much more than I could have imagined. He’s mine now. It’s still unbelievable to me.

I think for only a moment and say, “Just for a second,” as I pull him into my room, closing the door and pushing him into it as I plant a kiss to his lips. We haven’t kissed since that unforgettable morning that changed everything. I missed the taste of his lips so much. Now they taste like sour patch kids-his favorite jellies. I can feel him smile against my lips.

“You missed me.”

“I’ve been trying to be good and not break the rules. Of course, I’ve missed you.” I grab him around the waist and snuggle into his neck. He smells good, like usual. This scent is new, though. “What’s this perfume you’re wearing? I’ve never smelled it before.”

“Oh, you noticed that already. I just had it custom-made. It’s for you, actually. I was going to give it to you later.”

“It’s for me?”

“Yeah, it’s a combination of scents that remind me of you. Do you like it?”

“Hmm, yeah. It’s sexy.”

“It smells like sunshine... and mountains.”

“You’re so cute,” I respond by kissing him softly on the lips. “We should go now before I want to stay here and get us both into trouble.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t allow that anyway. I plan on following the rules. I’ll make sure to keep you in check. I’ve got no plans of getting decked by Ricky again. I know I’ll be the one getting the blame, even if it’s technically your doing”

“I’ll be a good boy for you. I promise.”

__

Thirty minutes later, we are standing outside a completely normal, not over-the-top ramen place. So he didn’t go too big for our first date. He probably knew that would be too cheesy and a little uncomfortable.

Inside, it’s pretty busy. Tables are full, customers yelling to the staff- “More water, “Two bottles of soju, please,” “More dumplings, ajumma!” We are directed to an open table by the busy ajumma. The smell in here is delicious. It releases some of the nervous tension.

“You two look good together, dressed so nice. So handsome.”

The ajumma doesn’t seem to recognize us. Her comment makes me blush all the same, even though I’ve heard it many times before. It’s still hard to get used to.

When we sit down, another member of the staff brings water to the table. Before I can even look at the menu, Leehan is already ordering for us.

“Two shin ramen, shrimp, extra kimchi. And a plate of dumplings, please.”

Surprised by the way he took control, I laugh. “Are you showing off how well you know me?”

Grabbing my hand under the table, he smiles, “I have to put in some good points seeing as I have competition.”

“Am I really worth all this?” I look over at him. “You don’t have to think like that, Donghyun.”

He squeezes my hand for extra comfort. “Ricky and I talk all the time, I was only joking. You’re worth all this, Dongmin. We both agree on that.”

Hearing that he is often in contact with Ricky helps to erase some of the guilt I’ve been keeping.

“I’d kiss you right now if we weren’t in this restaurant.”

“We’ll have to make up for that later then,” he whispers in my ear.

The food arrives and breaks the intimacy. I can see the server looking at us a little too long as he puts everything on the table.

“Thanks”, I say, trying to shoo him away.

He nods his head and backs away.

Leehan starts plating food for me.

“I was sure you were going to go big for our first date.”

“I thought about it, but I knew that you hate cringy stuff, so I decided smaller was better.”

“I’m glad. I really like this.”

“I have plenty of time to plan cringy, super romantic dates.” He rubs his hand on my thigh and smiles at me.

“Next time I get to plan the date.”

“And I look forward to it.”

It’s so comfortable being with him. Just like when we were close as trainees. It’s almost like no time went by when I was avoiding being alone with him and trying to stay neutral towards him.

Slurping up some ramen, Leehan suddenly blurts out, “This doesn’t feel like a first date… it feels like I’ve been yours for a long time already.”

I blush and smile at his comment. It’s cringy as hell, but I love it anyway.

Then he steals the last dumpling.

“Hey!” I try to snatch it back, but he holds his arm out so I can’t reach. Instead of eating it himself, he brings it back, feeding it to me instead.

“Baby, you’re so cute.”

“Stop teasing me.”

“But you’re the cutest when you're embarrassed.”

Ricky’s POV

It was another long day - felt even longer, knowing Taesan and Leehan were on their first date. It just clouded my thoughts all day. I don’t want to be jealous. I do trust the both of them, but I can’t help my unease. After all the waiting, he was finally mine. I haven’t gotten to see him since the night of the agreement. I miss him, want to spend all day with him too, like Leehan does.

I just need to get through this comeback, then I’ll get to see him. I don’t know if I can wait that long. Sending messages every night isn’t enough. I want to hold his hand, kiss him, make him blush.

Plopping down on my bed and grabbing up my phone, my fingers hesitate over the keyboard. Should I see if he’s back home? Ask if the date went well? I don’t want to sound clinging or worried.

The dorm feels emptier than usual tonight. My members are all around, laughing at some variety show, but it’s just noise to me. I keep checking my phone like an idiot, waiting for a message I know won’t come.

I stare at my phone until the screen goes black, my reflection staring back like it’s mocking me. Just ask him, I tell myself. Don’t sit here wondering. He’s your boyfriend too.

Before I can overthink it, I open our chat and type:

Ricky: So… how was your date?

I hit send and instantly regret it. Too blunt? Too clingy? My thumb hovers over the screen, tempted to delete it, but it’s too late. The little “read” checkmark pops up almost right away.

My heart races. He’s awake. He saw it.

The typing bubble appears. Disappears. Appears again. I grip the phone tighter, holding my breath. What’s he going to say?

The dread in my stomach creeps higher. Maybe I don’t even want to know how great their date was.

Then his reply appears, and everything inside me unclenches at once. My breath escapes in a shaky laugh.

Giant Mountain: the date was fine... I’m more worried about you. You’re probably exhausted, and I miss you so much

Giant Mountain: want to see you so bad

I don’t think. I just move. My fingers are already typing before my brain catches up.

Ricky: tomorrow

Ricky: I’ll sneak out and come see you tomorrow

Chapter Text

It’s only been ten days since we started our comeback promotions — and even less than that since Taesan officially, finally became my boyfriend. 

Minus the addition of Leehan being part of the mix, everything is great. It’s not exactly ideal to share your boyfriend with someone else, but if the alternative was not having him at all… then this feels like the best option. 

It’s also less than ideal that the person I have to share him with is his roommate. Despite that, Leehan’s been surprisingly thoughtful — not just about Taesan, but about me too. I never thought I’d say it, but I’m grateful to that guy. 

Still, I couldn’t keep patient. I was too restless, too filled with this aching need to see him. I missed him. I worried about how their date went. I knew it was stupid — Taesan wouldn’t forget about me — but loneliness can make even the most secure person doubt. 

I promised him I’d come see him tonight. Now I just have to figure out how to sneak out of the dorm again without anyone noticing. I’ve only done this a handful of times — and most of them were to see him. 
The night I confessed my feelings. 
The night he told me about Leehan. 
The night everything between us changed. 
And now, tonight. 

“Whatcha thinking about over there, Ricky?” Gyuvin calls from across the dressing room. 

“Nothing, just spacing out.” 

Even though everyone in Taesan’s group knows about us — they were there that night — no one in my group has a clue. Matt might be able to put two and two together, but the others? Not a chance. And I’d like to keep it that way. 

They wouldn’t understand this… situation. 
This choice. 

They’d just say I’m crazy for agreeing to something like this. That I should break it off. 

“You wanna keep watching that series with me tonight?” Gyuvin asks. 

“Sorry, Gyuvin. I already made plans after we get back.” 

“Oh? What are you doing? Can I come?” 

“No. I’ve got... something to do.” I keep my voice casual, trying to sound vague enough so he doesn’t get suspicious or keep bugging me to come along. 

He narrows his eyes. “You’re going to meet somebody, aren’t you? You’ve been going out after schedules way more than usual lately.” 

Damn, why does he have to ask so many questions  –– and be so accurate? 

“Trust me, that’s not it.” 

He hums, unconvinced. “Mhm. I trust my own instincts — and my instincts say you’re hiding something, and that something is a someone.” 

Just let it go, Gyuvin. Please. 

“Fine,” he says with a dramatic sigh. “I can tell you’re not gonna tell me. So I won’t bug you about it anymore…”  he pauses, contemplating, “today. But most likely eventually. So beware.” 

He smirks, and I can’t help but laugh quietly in relief. At least he’s letting me off for now. I head off to get my makeup done, grateful to escape his hawk-like stare. 

Still, now that he’s suspicious, it’s going to be ten times harder to keep this secret. 

__ 

By the time we finally return to the dorm, it’s later than I planned. Not ideal. We’ve got another long day tomorrow, and for all I know, Taesan might have an early schedule too. I didn’t even think to ask. 

I’m so tired. But I don’t care. I’ve waited long enough. 

I rush through removing my makeup, showering, changing into fresh clothes. Now to get out of here with the least amount of people noticing. 

“Leaving already?” a voice calls from behind me. 

I freeze. Gyuvin again. Of course. Why him of all people? 

“Gyuvin, come on,” I sigh. “Just let me go.” 

He squints his eyes at me, as if that will give him the answer he’s desperately looking for. Then, right on cue, my phone pings — probably Taesan wondering when I’m coming. It couldn’t have come at a worse time. 

“Looks like your somebody is waiting for you, Ricky,” he says with a smirk. “Aren’t you gonna check that?” 

I quickly move my gaze away from his. Frowning, I look back at him, “You said you weren’t going to get in my business any more today. Were you just waiting for me?” 

“Yes, I did say I wouldn’t bug you again. And no, I wasn’t waiting –– Total coincidence,” he says, hands raised in mock surrender.  

“Then why didn’t you just keep your mouth shut and let me go?” I glower. 

“Can you really blame me for being curious?” 

“I’m leaving,” I mutter, brushing past him. “Please stay out of my business, Gyuvin.” 

The second I step outside, relief floods through me. Finally, freedom — even if it’s only for a little while. 

I take a cab straight to Taesan’s building, texting him on the way. When I arrive, I walk to the playground that belongs to the building. Taesan is sitting on the swing again, waiting for me.   

He turns at the sound of my footsteps and smiles. 

“You’re finally here,” he says, opening his arms. 

Desperate for his touch, I slip into his arms as they wrap around me. He nuzzles his face into my stomach.   

Closing my eyes, I breathe out a relieved sigh. I’m here. I sag against him in comfort. I needed this so much, all the day’s exhaustion slipping away. 

I hear him breathe me in, “Did you have a rough day, my darling?” 

“It’s better now that I’m with you.” 

He takes my hands. “Come on. I’m taking you inside.” 

“Are you sure that’s okay?” 

“It’s what I want — that’s all that matters.” His voice is calm, certain. 

I follow him up to the dorm, never letting go of his hand.   

“I already kicked Nico out,” he grins. “So don’t worry.” 

“What about Leehan?” I ask, a little worried.   

“It’s fine. He already agreed.” 

I stop and halt his steps with me, “He agreed to let us be alone in your room?” 

“For a little while, yeah,” he says, reassuringly. “Baby, I just want to hold you for a little bit.” 

I smile softly. “Can I kiss you too?” I ask, fidgeting with his fingers. 

He pushes open the door and smiles. “Of course. Let’s just enjoy this moment as much as we can, for a long as it lasts.  I can’t promise how long Leehan will give us.” 

I nod silently, my whole body buzzing with anticipation. 

I sit first on his bed, watching him as he climbs in beside me. He pats the spot next to him, and I lay down, facing him. Just looking at him like this is enough comfort for me. All my earlier insecurities evaporate.   

Sharing the single pillow, he’s so close, his breath brushes my skin. I inch closer, wrapping an arm around his waist. 

His eyes are staring into mine, and he licks his lips. 

“Can I kiss you now?” I whisper. My heart beats faster — the anticipation electric. 

He doesn’t answer, just moves closer. He waits for me to come the rest of the way. 

I brush his hair back, tuck a strand behind his ear, and pull him into me. His lips are soft — so soft that everything else in the world disappears. 

The kiss deepens slowly, until I can’t tell where he ends and I begin. All my worries, my fears, my loneliness — gone. 

He touches my cheek gently. I lean into his hand. After a few long minutes, he breaks the kiss, nuzzling into my neck. 

“Do you have to be up early, Taesan-ah?” I murmur, running my fingers through his hair. 

“Mmh,” he hums against me. 

“It’s already late. Should I let you sleep?” 

“No,” he mumbles, tightening his arms around me. “Don’t go yet.” 

Then — the door opens. 

Leehan walks in. His expression unreadable. He just looks at us for a few seconds, and my stomach drops — but instead of getting mad, he smirks faintly. 

Without a word, he climbs over us and settles behind Taesan, wrapping an arm around him from behind. 

I freeze for a second — then laugh quietly. Somehow, this feels… right. Unexpected, but right. 

Now the three of us are tangled together — arms, legs, warmth — with Taesan caught between us, smiling in his sleep. 

I reach out and touch Leehan’s arm. He meets my eyes and smiles softly. 

There’s no jealousy there. No resentment. Just quiet understanding. 

I never would’ve imagined this when it all began — the two of us, once so at odds, now lying here together, sharing something fragile and real. 

Together, somehow.