Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It's still and peaceful, not that much can be said after the invasion. The entire Konoha crushed, but no one pays it any mind. Everyone's alive thanks to Naruto. By now, not a single soul in Konoha is unaware of his sacrifice, what he's lost. No longer the 'demon boy' or the 'demon container', villagers no longer sneered at the boy with disdain or contempt. Shop owners no longer throwing the boy out or hurting him. They acknowledge him, respect him, revere him. Everything Naruto's longed for, his dreams that the once 12 year old bright eyed genin told his sensei on the rooftop of the academy those years ago. The now 16 year old, still with a heart of gold, his heart too big for this world, whose belief and trust in his friends remain unshakable despite all he's faced and lost. After all, it's what his sensei taught him - "In the ninja world, those who break the rules are scum, but those who abandon their friends are worse than scum". Ah yes, his sensei, the feared Copy nin, Kakashi of the Sharingan. An enigma of a sensei, of a man 90 percent of the time but Naruto likes to believe he knows his beloved sensei more than most. After all, in another universe they would've been brothers, would've been his 'Kaka-nii' instead of the 'Kaka-sensei' as most people hear the trio, now duo chorus.

Thinking of or about team 7 hurts, hurts everyone - Kakashi, Naruto, Sakura, the rookie 9 and even the extended konoha 11. Team 7 as it seems has always been cursed, heartache following the members no matter the generation. Sometimes Kakashi wonders whether he cursed his kids with his own tragedies. Like a trickle, as though his own misery and pain has somehow affected his team, his team that he was reluctant to take who were just three big headaches, who somehow turned into three chaotic (but cute) genin, who had along the way, without his permission wormed their way and taken hold of his heart he was so sure was locked away. Three children who somehow became his kids, his pups. His to protect and care for. They’d somehow become his, unwillingly, begrudgingly. And yet, Kakashi can’t find it in himself to feel upset. Scared ? the word doesnt even come close. Undeserving sounds right, undeserving of the children who he was supposed to protect and care for. The brooding Uchiha, who was always too much like himself. The blonde who wore his heart on his sleeve like Kushina and whose bright light mimicked Minato’s too closely for comfort. The pretty, kind, strong pink haired kunoichi who reminded Kakashi too much of Rin to want to do nothing but wrap the girl in bubblewrap. Kakashi is no Minato, he knows that. God, if only his sensei were here, he’d know what to do, how to help, what to say. But he’s not. Kakashi knows that more than anyone.

The night sky twinkling with stars which is amusing considering the state of things. It’s late enough that civilians are all asleep in temporary housing or tents, but this is a hidden village after all, shinobi are still hard at work with reconstruction or on guard duty. Debris and dirt softly crunch under the Jounin’s feet, telltale book in his hand. Everyone greets the famous ninja, not that he was hard to spot. The lazy and calm air around him is normal, but chakra thrums around him, ready to kill before anyone could even blink. He stops for a while, visible eye softening. There’s a blob of pink and yellow heading his way, watching with fondness as they bound up to him. They may be growing up but they're still those 12 year olds he met those years ago.

“KAKASHI SENSEI !!!” comes the synchronised chorus of his two remaining students as they approach. It’s hard not to feel the kunai twist in his heart at the empty space where a certain raven haired brooding boy should be. He’s no fool, and it's a heartache that he wishes he could soothe in his remaining kids, heartbreak they shouldn’t even know. Maybe if he’d just … well there are so many things he should’ve done better he muses. Doesn’t understand why these two still trust him, still look at him with stars in their eyes. It makes his skin crawl sometimes at how undeserving he is of their affection but at the same time is learning that it’s okay to be loved the way he loved Minato sensei. Even if the blonde boy reminds him too much of what he’s lost while simultaneously thinking of what he’s stolen from his student - after all he’d received the love and affection from the boy’s father that he should’ve gotten himself. Well, he tries not to think about that too much.

“Hai Hai” he greets lazily but affectionately laying a hand atop of each of their heads. Eyeing them up and down subtly looking for any injuries. “We’ve been looking for you sensei” Sakura replies softly, melting under his touch. She’d always been the most affectionate in the team, despite wanting to prove she was strong. Kakashi had comforted the crying girl with soft touches and words he didn't even think he was capable of more times than he could count when she was still a genin. Now she was the second coming of Tsunade, he and everyone was sure she'd surpass the legendary sanin. “YEAH DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG WE’VE BEEN SEARCHING YOU ALWAYS DO THIS” the blonde huffs, leaning into the hand for just a second before ducking away. Naruto had always craved affection but despite how he was, surprisingly he always shied away from it. Whether it was embarrassment, or not being used to it, or just trauma from how he’s been treated all his life, Kakashi wasn’t sure. Yet another thing Kakashi didn’t like to think about. “Why were you looking for me?” Kakashi asks tilting his head slightly “You both should be resting, especially you” he says levelling Naruto with a stare. “Eh ? Why?” Naruto asks, clueless as ever. As though he didn’t just take down Pain, as though he didn't just save the entire village, as though he didn't just bring hundreds of them back to life, Kakashi included. “If anything it’s Sakura-chan who should be resting. She’s been working so hard with healing people and things. Tell her sensei” comes the childish whine Kakashi is so used to. “Mah Mah” the jounin drawls “You both should be resting, it’s been a long day” he drawls in that lazy tone that is somehow comforting to Naruto and Sakura. The two exchange looks, normally Kakashi is good at reading his kids, or maybe he’s not. He likes to think he is but who knows really. But in this moment, he has no idea what they’re thinking or silently talking about. He decides he’s going to blame it on the fact that he just got resurrected. It’s one of the more intense staring matches between the two before Naruto caves, he always did. “Just” Naruto pauses looking at Kakashi “Just … don’t go far okay?” Naruto asks softly. In a way that made Kakashi feel honoured. After all he, Sakura and Tsunade were the only people who saw the side of Naruto who wasn't just impatient and hot-headed. He supposed Jiraya also saw that side of Naruto but that’s yet again another thing Kakashi tries not to think about. But he knows, they all know there’s a hidden meaning to his words. “I better see you tomorrow for a full check up” Sakura threatens as well. Kakashi just eye smiles as Sakura starts threatening him under his breath before she just sighs and tip toes to press a chaste kiss against his cheek “I will hunt you down” she threatens again before she yawns “but I suppose you're right, I’m so tired” and wraps Kakashi in an admittedly strong hug, she forgets how strong she is sometimes Kakashi muses. He presses a chaste kiss to her hair and lets her go. Sakura murmurs something to Naruto that he can't hear but in his fashion, he beams at her and loudly proclaims not to worry. She punches Naruto in a soft way and holds his hand softly “I’ll find you tomorrow okay ?” she tells the blonde softly. “You know where to find me anyways” she says softly. The guilt in Sakura’s eyes, in her being, is palpable. The weight of what she’d inadvertently made him promise is so heavy but Naruto takes it in his stride. Sakura wants to take it all back, to beg the blonde to forget about the raven. But she’s nothing if not selfish she thinks, and wholly undeserving of the boy who seems to be made of sunshine. Naruto softens and places a soft kiss on her forehead, soft murmurs of reassurance. Sakura can do nothing but tell the universe that in her next life, she’ll be at Naruto’s beck and call and even that won’t make up for everything she’s put him through, continues to put through him. Kakashi watches it all with a soft gaze, grief is so thick between the three, binding them together for eternity. But so is love, you can’t have this much grief without having an extraordinary amount of love anyways. On one hand, this much love can only hurt, but on the other hand Kakashi’s done the uncaring cold route. He can't bring himself to go back there. Not when he feels how warm his kids are, how innocent and genuine their love is for him and for each other. Not when … it feels as though he’s got a family again, even if someone is missing.

Chapter Text

If Kakashi watches over his students throughout the night, no one comments. He rotates between checking up on Sakura asleep in a tent at the medical base and Naruto’s tent. He pretends not to sense the overwhelming chakra presence “You’re such a brat did you know that?” the familiar tease of the fifth hokage as she approaches “You're like a dog” she rolls her eyes but there's nothing but fondness as she peeks into the tent where Naruto is sleeping soundly, the kid really could sleep through anything. Well, he must be exhausted too, Kakashi thinks, not that the kid would ever admit it. He watches as the hokage gently crouches down next to Naruto brushing the unruly blonde locks, placing a gentle kiss on his exposed forehead, since his headband was folded next to his pillow. Everyone knew the kid was like her grandson, and she, like everyone else in Naruto’s sphere, felt guilty towards the boy who had not a single bad bone in his being. Guilt for sending his godfather to his death, guilt for being the hokage and yet he’s the one who saved everyone. Just guilt. But he was her weak spot, the glittering necklace an obvious tell for the former gambler, not that she was any good. There’s soft murmuring, of gratitude, of apology. Words that Kakashi pretends not to hear out of respect for the proud, strong lady. “Tsunade-sama?” Kakashi says as Tsunade comes back out. She felt her age suddenly, despite her appearances “We don’t deserve the gaki” Tsunade shakes her head “We never will” she says looking up at the sky. “They’d be proud of you” she says softly regarding Kakashi. “Minato and Kushina” she says wistfully. The kunai in Kakashi’s heart twists again. He wants to say how wrong she is, how he knows he’ll have to plead for forgiveness when the time comes but there's a rock in his throat and his words can't come out so he just shakes his head. “You’re one of the centres of that boy’s world Kakashi, whether you think you deserve it or not” she says ruefully. “I know I don’t deserve it but I’m trying to” she says. Naruto held his people close to his heart, he had lots of people now, but there were only a few who he kept so closely in his heart, people who in his eyes could do no wrong, who he’d give everything up for - Kakashi, Sakura, Sasuke, Iruka, Tsunade and Jiraya. “There’s so many apologies he deserves to hear, ones he doesn’t even know he needs to hear, doesn’t think that he needs to hear” the hokage sighs softly. “I probably make up 80 percent of them” Kakashi finally manages to find his voice, it's shaky and thick. Tsunade doesn’t comment on it, “All we can do is try to make it up to him” she says but even she doesn’t sound convincing. She sighs again before patting Kakashi’s arm “We won’t let him be alone ever again” she says, words soft but fierce. A promise, and Tsunade always kept her promises. “You’re doing good with him, he trusts you the most” she smiles in that soft way that people only get to see when Naruto’s around or if it’s regarding Naruto. She pats him again “Don’t worry, I have your other one safe, stay here tonight” she calls over her shoulder as she leaves.

Kakashi closes his eye. She was wrong. So utterly wrong. Minato sensei wouldn’t be proud of him, he’d appeared in Naruto’s life too late, letting him face the harshness of the world, and didn't pay him enough attention because it hurt too much. Couldn’t save him from harm, had to be saved himself. Kakashi shakes his head. Kunai digging deeper, twisting harder at all the ways he’s failed the kid who was supposed to be his brother. Did Naruto even know how involved Kakashi would’ve been in his life had things not happened the way it did ? Did Naruto even realise that despite everything, Kakashi should've stepped in anyways. Only Minato and Kushina’s kid could turn out as sunshine personified despite how much he’d been through. Only their kid could still love despite only receiving hate. Only their kid could change the world and people as he is doing. Someone should’ve stopped them from having a kid, it would've hurt way less.

“Sensei,” Kakashi whispers looking at the hokage heads “It wasn’t supposed to be like this” he whispers, the confession flying away in the breeze. He shakes his head and heads into the tent. There are two beds, one has naruto all sprawled out, the other for him. Sleep evades him as always, adrenaline from everything still zinging every sense. He died. He really died. But somehow he’s here. He’s breathing. ‘For the first time’ he thinks to himself ‘I really didn’t want to die. I really didn't. I have Naruto and Sakura and I will drag Sasuke back home to his family. So many things I have to do, so many things I regret’ It was odd. For the copy nin, he threw himself into every mission before his team 7, hoping that he’d miraculously not come back. But now, when he gets sent out on a solo S rank, he thinks of his kids waiting for him to come home. Finds himself wanting to go home ‘why … how did this happen ? when did these kids .. when … when did they become MY kids ?’ Kakashi couldn’t pinpoint exactly when they became his kids. It just … happened. There are too many confusing emotions swirling around and too little sleep. He’s never been good at unravelling or acknowledging his feelings. Now is no different. He shoves the feelings aside. ‘That’s for future Kakashi to worry about’ he nods to himself.

Naruto’s chakra is warm. Despite the nine tails sealed inside him. His chakra is anything but viscous, it’s warm and comforting. Kakashi snorts silently because of course this kid’s chakra is as warm as he is, of course his chakra makes you feel stupid soft. Not for the first time, Kakashi wonders how Naruto is still Naruto. Wonders how he can still be untainted and pure despite all the darkness he’s seen. Not for the first time, Kakashi feels inexplicable anger inside him, he wants to shake the kid and yell at him and say ‘you can get mad you know ? you can scream and hit and throw a tantrum. No one will be mad. You can tell me how unfair everything is. That it’s not fair that the weight of the shinobi world is on your shoulders because of something that was out of your control. You can get angry and pissed off. Tell us we’re being unfair’ he almost wants to see Naruto break. Not in the gone feral ,like Sasuke, but he wants to tear the kid’s fake grin off his face and see what’s underneath. For someone who screams and shouts his ideals, he really didn’t say much. Not about his own feelings, about what he wants, what he thinks. He says what people want him to say. He does things out of his pure heart and most of the time Kakashi isn’t sure Naruto realises but Naruto is exactly who everyone makes him out to be. He’s Uzumaki Naruto, loud mouth brat with honest morals and a pure heart. Who cares way too much about everyone. That isn’t always a good thing.

Kakashi is equally terrified that Naruto will snap. That he’ll tell Kakashi and everyone what he’s thinking and feeling and blame everyone. That makes him a hypocrite doesn’t it ? Didn’t he just say he wants Naruto to be honest ? But he’s terrified that the kid who still looks at Kakashi like he’s the coolest, best ninja in all the 5 great nations and say ‘Where the hell were you my whole life ? You let me down, in every way. You weren’t there for me. You never paid me any attention, all you cared about was Sasuke back then. You hardly looked at me. You never taught me anything. You were awful to me’ all words that Kakashi deserved, words he should face. There are more things that he’s terrified that Naruto will resent him for. The biggest being that Kakashi got to experience Minato sensei and Kushina as pseudo-parents, that Kakashi stole what should’ve been Naruto’s. But Kakashi might genuinely have a mental breakdown if Naruto said those things to him because what was he supposed to do ? What was he supposed to say ? They’d all be right anyways. What rights did Kakashi have to try and defend himself? Nothing. If there was anything less than nothing it’d be that.

The worst part is that Naruto would never do that. And somehow that makes all of it worse. The awful part of it all is that Naruto doesnt harbour any grudge or resentment towards anyone, least of all Kakashi. Kakashi knows, even if he were to tell Naruto to hate him, if he were to drop on his knees and apologise, the blonde would tilt his head in confusion, genuinely not understanding what Kakashi would have to apologise for. Even if Naruto knew, he’d forgive him right away, comfort Kakashi somehow. That, Kakashi silently thinks is worse. If there was one person in Naruto’s life that he should not forgive, it was Kakashi.

The kid was going to shorten Kakashi’s lifespan, surely he knew that. Seeing what’s underneath the underneath. That’s what Kakashi taught his kids. He’s seen underneath Naruto’s outer layers right?

Right?

Chapter Text

If someone told Kakashi 5 years ago that the next year, he’d once again have a genin team but with his dead sensei’s son, Itachi’s little brother and a kunoichi too much like Rin to be a coincidence, he would’ve stabbed you. Probably killed you for thinking to even put that in the universe. But alas, the universe hates him and indeed 4 years ago he got that exact team. The jinchuriki who had Kushina’s features on his sensei’s face and eye colour, Itachi’s little brother who was dead set on revenge, the pink haired kunoichi who he guesses wasn’t really like Rin with her fangirl behaviour but had the makings to be like her. Yeah, Kakashi definitely pissed off the universe and the gods. Most definitely the third hokage since he’s the one who forced the team on him. Kakashi knew there were politics behind this team, especially with Naruto and Sasuke. He wouldn’t be allowed to fail them, not really, but it wasn’t going to stop him from using the bell test. Plus he’d never passed a team before, what made the third believe these faces would change anything.

They were exactly as he imagined they'd be. Naruto charged head first without thinking, Kakashi tried not to think about Kushina. Sasuke was definitely the best but arrogant, the need to prove he was the best was too glaring. Kakashi tried not to think about Itachi, tried to not think about how soft and kind Sasuke could’ve been. Sakura was smart but weak, Kakashi tries not to think of Rin. Maybe he’s a bit cruel - the genjutsu on Sakura, burying Sasuke in the headhunter jutsu, absolutely leading Naruto around. Maybe he’s harder on them because he hates how much these three bring up the memories that hurt him the most. Maybe he’s extremely indifferent because these three remind him of his biggest failures, the parts of himself he hates the most. Kakashi decides he doesn’t want them. He didn’t sign up for this he thinks, he didn't ask for this, hadn’t he been through enough? He decides he absolutely hates them.

Especially the blonde who reminds him just enough of what he’s lost but not enough to bring them back. He hates himself for hating the blonde for being the wrong Uzumaki, the wrong Namikaze. For looking too much like his dead sensei and Kushina but not enough of either of them to loosen the band around his lungs. How could this kid be exactly like his parents without having even met them, he didn’t even know who his parents were. How cruel it was for Kakashi to have to bear witness to this kid. He wanted nothing to do with the kid. He made that very clear right after everything that happened that fateful night. His choice to go into the deep parts of ANBU was his answer. So why … why was this happening to him. Why did he have to be stuck with this awful team. Why did he have to look at these three faces who brought up ghosts and pains and everything he was running from during his ANBU years. Why? He wants to fail them, wants to protect them, protect themselves. He wants to scream at them to run so far away. From the name ‘Team 7’ and its curse, to get as far away from Kakashi before he can infect them all too. That being in team 7 will bring nothing but grief.

But then, they do what Kakashi was so sure was never going to happen with their clashing personalities. They worked together. Kakashi watches with growing nausea, watches Sasuke and Sakura feed Naruto despite his warnings. Watches them break the rules for their teammate. Watches the three who Kakashi wants nothing to do with embody what took him too long to learn. Watches the three who Kakashi hates with every fibre of his being so easily understand, to naturally have what Kakashi didn’t believe in till it was too late. "In the ninja world, those who break the rules are scum, but those who abandon their friends are worse than scum" he wonders, not for the first time if this was Obito’s doing. If this was Obito who put these three in front of him as payback. That’d make sense. But now, he has no choice. He’d be the biggest hypocrite if he failed them. He knows he can’t anyways. So he passes them even though that ever present kunai in his heart twists so tightly as he says those words “You pass” watches those faces light up and hates the way that it makes the kunai untwist slightly.

He ignores the way his heart hammers in his chest, the way Asuma, Kurenai and Gai specifically are looking at him with a mixture of amazement, curiosity and pity. Tries to ignore the way the third hokage stares him down. As though seeing the things Kakashi is so desperately trying to hide as he announces that he has passed team 7. He ignores the way the band around his lungs feel tighter than normal as the soft murmurs regarding him passing his first ever genin team sink in. It’s all a blur. His friends are happy for him, tell him it’s good for him. The third subtly reminds him of the underlying politics of team 7, his own team 7. The uncanny resemblance to the legendary sanin. Kakashi doesn’t pay any attention though. There’s static in his brain and that damn kunai is making his heart bleed raw again. It’s not the fear or thought of protecting three children, three genin. It’s the fact that it’s these three. ‘Any other team’ Kakashi wants to say. Wants to plead with the hokage to spare him, to give these three to someone else to get them so far away from him. But he’s still him. And he can’t say any of that. That despite all these thoughts, on the outside he’s still calm and lazy, as normal as can be. Only Gai side eyes him but thankfully leaves it alone for now.

Kakashi goes home and decides that he’ll just be their sensei. Nothing more, nothing less. Prepare them so they can take their chunin exams and so he’ll never have to see them again. Why would he get attached? In fact, the fact that these three make him want to stab himself should make it easier to be indifferent. He goes to sleep that night fully decided. He’ll keep them at arms length and that’ll be that. He won’t care about them. They’ll just peacefully coexist.

Stupid Kakashi. Curse you past Kakashi, he thinks to himself. Trainings and mindless D ranks pass by, time passes by and Kakashi finds himself slipping. These three sneaky genin, pushing at his walls, delighted and proud when one brick comes loose. It’s the way he can’t help but worry, can’t stop the way his heart dropped that time that Sakura fell from a tree and broke her arm. Can't stop the protective nature that takes over when someone tries to talk down to her. Doesn’t understand where the softness and soothing words come from when she’s crying. He hates the way that he can’t stop himself from checking up on Sasuke who still wanders around the empty Uchiha districts in a haze. Can’t stop the way automatically comforts him during nightmares when they’re on overnight missions. Can’t help the way he gently reassures Sasuke after training sessions. The thing he hates the most is how much the blonde has managed to push out the most bricks, removed them without Kakashi’s permission. In a way that he didn't even realise till there was a Naruto shaped hole in his defenses. Hates the way the bright smiles cause his own lips to tug up slightly, hates the way he finds himself caring so intensely about the boy. Caring whether or not he’s eating vegetables, whether he’s sleeping enough, whether he has enough money, the list goes on and on. Longer than Kakashi likes, a list Kakashi never even wanted to start. He didn’t want these kids, didn't want to care about these kids. Somehow … somehow he finds himself caring more than he thought was possible, finds himself lov- no. No he doesn’t love them. He just … has grown slightly attached. Yup, that’s exactly what it it. Stupid Kakashi, you know the truth.

Then, the mission to the waves happens. And there’s Zabuzza and Haku, and Kakashi can’t protect his kids and stupid, useless fool. He’s going to lose precious people again, it’s his fault again. But they save him, the two boys, so brave and smart despite their differences, the teamwork that Kakashi wishes he had back when he was younger is so evident. The bonds between the two who understand each other more than anyone run so deep. And the girl, so brave despite her fears, despite this probably being the first real thing to happen in her 12 years of existence. But it gets worse and worse, Zabuzza and Haku come back. Sasuke nearly dies, the nine tails chakra comes out and Kakashi is helpless. All he can do is believe in them even though all he really wants to do is grab his kids and run, keep them close to him, safe in his arms but he can do none of that. They win. But Kakashi knows the truth, he’s fucked because now. Because NOW he cares so much about these kids. Cares about them way too much that he wants to run away. But they look at him, they're still looking at him. Can’t they see how he’s failed them? And yet … they still look at him with stars in their eyes, offering their hearts to him with their own small hands. And well , Kakashi’s always been selfish so he takes their hearts and their trust.

He starts getting more and more attached, more lov- no. Still can’t go there, he thinks. But he trains them, spends more time with them. Meals and outings and all the things Minato sensei used to do with him and his team. He tries to ignore the twist of the kunai again. They grow in every way, bonds deepening. They become a little mismatched fami- no. Also can’t go there, so he tries to convince himself.

The chunin exams is when it all goes to hell. There’s the curse mark and Orochimaru and somehow, it’s the blonde that saves them all it seems. And everything's on fire, Kakashi says he’ll train Sasuke, convinces himself he has to focus on the raven. Tries to ignore the way those bright blue eyes dim slightly for the first time as he turns him down. He’s definitely not pawning him off cause he can’t stand to look at the blonde who is becoming more and more like his parents as the seconds tick by. Tries to ignore the ache in his heart, tells himself he’s doing the right thing. Pawning him off to Ebisu, well he knew Jiraya was around, knew that Jiraya would scoop the kid up. It’s for the best. It’s for Naruto’s best. At least it’s what he tells himself. He spends the month pointedly ignoring the blonde, pretends it’s just because he’s focusing on Sasuke. He tries to not let the pride in Jiraya’s voice when he recounts Naruto’s success with the toad summoning and Gamabunta. Tries not to remember who used to summon those toads between Jiraya and now Naruto. Lets Jiraya drunkenly ramble on about pride. Tries to ignore the way that Jiraya is now talking about guilt and regret, pain that only Kakashi understands but pretends not to.

He misses Naruto’s win against Neji, tries to ignore the way those blue eyes bore into his, wanting an explanation maybe, maybe even an apology. But true to the boy’s nature, he says nothing. Just grins brightly and says he won, tells him he met Jiraya, ero-senin as he calls him. Kakashi doesn’t miss the way the boy doesn’t brag or gloat, as though he’s unsure if Kakashi would care about any of it when he has Sasuke. That god forsaken kunai twisting more and more. He’s not sure if he can take it when he realises that Naruto is doing it for his sake, pushing his own feelings aside so he won’t upset Kakashi.

And then the sand invades, and Orochimaru is back and kills the third. And Sasuke chases after Gaara and Naruto and Sakura follow and he’s not sure what goes down. He hears bits and pieces, Naruto and Gamabunta and defeating Gaara in his one tailed form. And Sasuke’s ten billion kinds of pissed that Naruto is catching up to him, has caught up to him, might even be better than him at that moment and everything is starting to crumble. Itachi comes and it all goes to shit and he doesn’t know, he was stupid and caught in a genjutsu. Suddenly he’s back in the present and it’s … Tsunade ? How did she ? oh .. of course it was Naruto. He hears about it from Jiraya , from Tsunafe herself. Naruto’s match with kabuto. How the kid made Tsunade want to believe again, trust the dream, the will of fire once more. Her necklace gleaming against Naruto’s skin.

He doesn’t know what’s happened but he’s racing atop the rooftops racing to the hospital. For once in his life makes it in time before that cursed chidori of the raven and the rasengan in the blonde’s hand can pierce through their only girl. He’s mad, he’s more than mad. How could … is Jiraya that stupid ? to teach him Minato sensei’s rasengan. Sakura is crying and all he can offer is empty words of comfort, promises that are sure to break. He wants to yell at Jiraya but he gets his words thrown back on his face. It’s all too much. His sensei’s son mastering his jutsu, Itachi’s younger brother so filled with hatred that Kakashi can’t seem to quell. Sakura who is too much like Rin that Kakashi can’t think stuck in the middle just like Rin always was.

He’s failed again. Sasuke’s gone. Most of the rookie 9 are in critical condition, thank god Tsunade is the hokage. He can’t do anything to mend the broken hearts of his remaining kids, can do nothing as Naruto desperately reaches out to Sakura with promises that he’ll die trying to keep, they all know it. It’s … it’s all fallen apart. It’s Kakashi’s fault. Curse you past Kakashi, you should’ve just not cared like you said you would. Then you wouldn’t be hurting this badly. But he knows … he knows that it’s the opposite , he should’ve cared more , but sooner . Shown it more, shown Sasuke he already has a fami- … should’ve told Naruto that it’s not on him, that it’s Kakashi’s fault. He can do nothing now but watch more weight settle on Naruto’s shoulders. The grin never faltering. It disgusts Kakashi , wants Naruto to just cry and give up. Sakura isn’t equipped to handle it, he didn’t teach her how. He lets Sakura believe in Naruto the way you can’t help but want to place your bets on him, like Tsunade.

It’s a blur , of heartache and unsaid apologies. Of comforting he didn’t do, and before he knows it , he’s all alone again. Naruto’s off with Jiraya. It’s honestly for the best, that’s … Jiraya is his godfather his family. He tries not to think about how Jiraya is as much of family to Naruto as he should be. Sakura’s gone to train under Tsunade. That’s for the best too, he didn’t do anything for her. The slew of apologies he owes her is second only to that he owes to Naruto.

He’s alone again.

Chapter Text

Naruto’s taller than he remembers , looks much more like his parents too. How stupid is that. Sakura is taller too, prettier as well. Both of their hearts are more settled, more determined. Despite the years apart , they’re bound by their love for Sasuke, the need to bring their wayward raven home to them. And … Kakashi thinks to himself, they’ve come back to him too, come back for him. Because they still look at him the same way they did when they were 12 and that is entirely unfair to his heart.

He’s as proud as he is guilty watching how much they’ve grown since they were fresh genin. How much they’ve improved , worked on. What they’ve become. All on their own merits , with the help of the legendary sanin. He knows Sasuke is probably insanely strong too. How ironic, that his team who people whispered about the second coming of the legendary sanin ended up being trained by them. Kakashi may be their sensei. May be their captain now but what has he done for them? nothing. He has no rights to call them his students. But he can’t deny the warmth in his being that floods him when he looks at the two.

But there’s no time to think really because there’s the akatsuki and as much as everyone , him especially doesn’t like thinking about it, Naruto is a jinchuriki. They’re after him too. Gaara gets taken and it’s a fight for survival and Naruto and Sakura just keep blowing his mind with how much they’ve grown, the people they’ve become. But of course , it’s Naruto and everything turns out okay.

Stupid Kakashi, why would everything be okay? Kakashi hates himself for numerous reasons. But this might be in the top 3. They find Sasuke, without him. They break, without him. He can only trust Tenzo to keep his kids safe. He doesn’t hear it from either of them. Neither of them tell Kakashi what happened or how they feel. He hears it all from Tenzo and Sai and … he’s failed again. He wants his kids to give up on his last kid. Wants to spare them the heartbreak yet again. Maybe it’s his fault. If he hadn’t ingrained friendship and bonds so deeply in them , maybe they’d be able to give up. For how much Sasuke has hurt them , it’s parallel to how much they want to bring him back. Kakashi hates himself for not wanting to give up on Sasuke too. He wants his kids to look at him and cry. He wants to comfort them, wants to hear them yell and curse and cry till their throats are sore and dry. But they don’t. They smile at him and comfort him and he can feel his skin crawling again. His being hurts for his kids, for these kids who’ve been hurt too much and there’s nothing he can do.

Why … Why is there always nothing that Kakashi can do for those he lov- …

Kakashi wants the world to stop so he can scoop his kids into his arms, like he used to when they were 12 and small and unaware. When they were embarrassed and wanted to be strong, ‘too old’ for hugs and head pats supposedly. He wants to put the world on pause to comfort them, to protect them but the world doesn’t stop. He wants to put them in his pocket, to wrap them in bubble wrap. To keep them in his arms forever where he can protect them. But he can’t, they’re too strong and too important.

Tsunade keeps training Sakura, and Kakashi decides it’s time for him to finally step up. After 16 years, he decides it’s up to him to help Naruto surpass Minato sensei. Teaches him about chakra natures and all of it. He watches day in, day out. All night. Watches his sensei’s kid try so hard, to do what even Minato sensei, who Kakashi thought was basically a god, could not do. Part of Kakashi wants to throw up and run away. Can't help the vision of his sensei swimming behind his eyes, watching Naruto and Minato interchange in front of him. Watches Kushina’s heart shine through. Part of Kakashi finds himself hating the blonde once more, for not being the right one. It makes Kakashi hate himself even more in those moments. When he closes his eyes he pictures Naruto training, but being trained by Minato sensei. Sees Kushina to the side cheering him on, bringing bento boxes. Sees himself hiding up in a tree tracking the progress till his sensei and Kushina wrangle him down to have food. Naruto plays with him as though he’s his blood brother. Sees the pride absolutely radiating off his parents and Kakashi can’t breathe again. His eyes snap open, tears pouring out in silent cascades. Tenzo is asleep, so is Naruto. But Naruto shifts in his sleep, rolls towards Kakashi, as though he could sense the grief pouring out of him, trying to comfort him. Why … why does this kid always make everything worse for him. He scrubs his face, comfort won’t come. Not when the one person he yearns to see, to confide in, to find comfort in will never come back.

He watches Naruto’s progress, the way he never gives up. The way he pushes and pushes. To be stronger for his precious people. To be strong enough to bring Sasuke back. It’s too much. This kid … he’s too much. How ? … No one would ever deserve him, least of all Kakashi.

And then the akatsuki have come again. Claiming Asuma as their unwilling victim. Leaving his and Kurenai’s unborn child without a father. Leaving Asuma’s own kids who believe they’ve failed their sensei, leaving his kids behind in an ocean of grief no one can help them navigate. Kakashi knows after all, what it’s like to lose your sensei who was basically like a father. Kakashi knows. So he leaves Naruto to Tenzo to follow Asuma’s kids in their revenge journey. It’s the least he can do. He doesn’t have time to feel guilty over abandoning Naruto again, this time it’s for a genuine reason after all.

Kakashi is at his wits end, maybe … it might be time to -

Naruto ? the words leave his mouth. The flash of blonde appearing in front of him. It couldn’t be … did he ? he stares at Tenzo who just nods slightly. He watches, with amazement at the high speed wind zipping through the air. The gigantic rasengan whizzing. Everyone’s jaw drops as Naruto takes Kakazu out with it. It’s … Kakashi feels that kunai twist, feels the band around his lungs tighten once again because … he did it. And all Kakashi can see is Minato sensei again, and it hurts. It hurts, it hurts, it hurts. Minato sensei should be here to see it, his sensei should’ve been granted the time to perfect the jutsu. It’s been 16 years since Minato sensei and Kushina … why does it still hurt this much. He can’t move his legs when Naruto doesnt get back up, watches Ino and Choji help him. He can’t … his words aren’t coming out. His heart is aching in a deep way, in a way it hasn’t since he first heard about Minato sensei. He can’t breathe. He should be telling Naruto how proud he is, all the things that Kakashi can’t voice.

Why is he so pathetic. The list of apologies he owes Naruto grows yet again.

Tsunade deems Naruto’s hard work a forbidden jutsu. The harm greater than the good. Tasks Kakashi to break the news, but as always, he’s too late. Jiraya gets to him first, comforts and congratulates the kid. Says all the things Kakashi should be saying. Hates himself again for being relieved that Jiraya got to him first. Because he gets to see the grown Naruto who has accepted it, acknowledges the flaws. Who just shoots him a bright grin as always, promises that he’ll create something better with the toads. Kakashi wants to shake him, tell him he doesn’t owe Kakashi anything. Tell him that it’s okay to be disappointed, that he can cry, to not take any more weight on his shoulders. But as always Kakashi can do nothing but offer a head pat and an eye smile.

There’s the three tails, and Guren and Yuukimaru, and Naruto saves the day yet again. Masters the combination jutsu with the toads as expected. They come back, Naruto gets to see his godfather again. That’s always good. Maybe it’s all looking up again.

Stupid Kakashi.

Orochimaru is dead ? Hates the hope in his kids eyes, they ask if Sasuke will come home. He and Tsunade know the truth. Sasuke … his kids won’t give him up. At this point Kakashi isn’t sure if he doesn’t want to give up on Sasuke either because that’s still one of his kids or if it’s just because his kids won’t give up. It’s a combination of both he decides.

Of course, his kids are deadset on searching for the man that their brother is after, Itachi. So, they set out. It’s a bust, emotions run high but his kids are trying their best to hold it together. So is Kakashi. He doesn’t know how to hold them together when he’s fraying at the seams. One thing leads to another and he leaves his kids to Tenzo once again. The 6 tails jinchuriki, Kakashi later learns, is the latest victim of Naruto’s personality, his faith, his belief and unwavering loyalty and love.

His kids come home to him again but.

Jiraya is dead.

Emotions drown him, so many- oh. Oh, oh fuck. How … How … How the fuck is he supposed to tell Naruto. Fukasaku spares him, tells him and Tsunade that he should tell Naruto. Kakashi heads for Naruto with lead in his veins. How … there’s nothing Kakashi could say to Naruto to even attempt to comfort him. He leads Naruto to the hokage office, selfishly relishing in the last moments before the boy’s heart is broken forever, in a way that’ll never be healed.

All he can do is watch. Watch the life drain out of the blonde’s face, watches the moment he stops listening to a single word Tsunade says. Watch for the first time as the boy made of sunshine becomes stormy, watches him release bits of pain for the first time. Misplaced anger, though Tsunade feels as though it’s not misplaced. All Kakashi can do is watch Naruto leave. Kakashi wants to run after his kid, hold him close, comfort him with useless words. Wants to turn back time so he never has to see that look cross the boy’s face ever again. But, his legs don’t move. Watching the door shut behind the blonde.

Kakashi pushes his own feelings about Jiraya’s death down. Ignores the fact that the only other person who truly knew his beloved sensei is gone. Tries not to think about how the toad sage helped him after his dad died, tries to push down all the grief he knows so well. Hates the fact that he knows it so well. It’s not about him after all. Jiraya was bigger than life, he may have come into Naruto’s life later than he should’ve but the toad sage more than made up for it. Kakashi knows. Has heard the bragging from the legendary ninja, how he was so sure Naruto was the child of the prophecy. More than that, the way fondness and love oozed out of the sage in a way Kakashi’s never heard before. The way that Jiraya talked about Naruto with more pride than even the way he talked about Minato. The way the toad sage cared about Naruto, as his godfather, but also like a grandfather. The sunshine boy could do no wrong in Jiraya’s eyes. Jiraya once told Kakashi that he never thought he’d feel more accomplished than how he did with Minato. But as is on brand with Naruto, Jiraya felt more pride, love, happiness and contentment teaching Naruto, the years they spent together. Kakashi doesn’t know what to say to Naruto. Arguably, he should be the one who knew what to say. But Kakashi, as always, is selfish. He lets Naruto be comforted by Iruka. Argues with himself that Iruka is better at those things. Ignores the fact that Naruto deserved to hear just how much his godfather loved him.

And then Naruto leaves again. Before Kakashi can even properly talk to the boy, he slips through his grasp once again, this time to follow his godfather’s footsteps. Following Fukusaku to Mount Myoboku to become stronger. Once again, Naruto is getting help from seemingly anything and anyone, but the one who is supposedly his sensei.

And then … he dies.

Chapter Text

Kakashi blinks slowly, his hearing coming back before his sight. He can hear Choji and Choza and gasps of relief, crying all around him. He wills himself to see clearly as Choji and Choza get him free. What ? What just … huh ? One second he was sitting with his father, finally putting one of his griefs to rest, finally giving way for forgiveness, to allow himself to think of his dad as a hero, with love once more. The next second … a green light ? and now he’s alive ? He’s so confused.

Ah yes, of course. Katsuyu relays Naruto’s talk with Pain. Kakashi’s heart drops when he hears that Pain was Jiraya’s student, how painful it must’ve been for the blonde. Hears the details from his arrival in konoha till Pain using the last of his life to bring everyone back. Of course Naruto was able to change the mind of Pain, of course Naruto was able to forgive Pain for what he’d done, for Jiraya’s death. Of course he - wait. Where is his stupid kid with a gigantic bleeding heart ? Katsuyu tells him Naruto’s on his way back and Kakashi is moving before he even processes it. Hey, for someone who just came back to life he feels perfectly healthy, doesnt even feel strain in his muscles or the tell tale signs of chakra exhaustion. He wants to say he’s surprised but also he’s never died and been revived so he’s not sure. All he can think is ‘where is my kid’.

He races through the forest following the warm chakra that's tinted with grief. For the second time in his life, after preventing Sasuke and Naruto from punching holes through her, manages to find him right when the boy slumps forward. “Ka-ka-shi sensi?” Naruto murmurs, cheek squishing against his shoulder. “Rest now, I’ve got you. Good job” Kakashi drawls, heart settling slightly at the warmth against his back, the cheek on his shoulder. Kakashi tries not to let the way the grief in Naruto’s chakra lessens when he sees Kakashi affect him. “Don’t do that again ‘kay?” the boy murmurs “mah mah, I didn’t mean to” Kakashi says softly, but is rewarded with a soft head butt against his temple. “Hai hai, I won’t do it again” the jounin soothes softly. Naruto lets out a shaky sigh “I couldn’t … I can sense in sage mode and i couldn’t” the boy doesn’t continue, burying his face in Kakashi’s shoulder. “You would’ve been fine without-” another head butt, stronger this time “DON'T” Naruto cuts off, voice deadly serious that it makes Kakashi shut up on the spot. “Don’t ever say that” comes the harsh voice “I already lost ero-senin and Sasuke and I can’t” his voice breaks “I know i still have lots of precious people like baa-chan and Sakura-chan and my friends but” he whispers “Sensei if i loose … if you …” Naruto can’t even finish it “stupid sensei” Naruto settles for because truly his sensei is an idiot. Why can’t his sense see just how much he loves him, looks up to him. How much he adores his sensei. Why won’t his sensei accept it? He head butts his sensei again, satisfied with the small grunt that escapes Kakashi. “You’re my sensei, you’re not allowed to be stupid, you’re supposed to stop me from doing something stupid” Naruto murmurs, cheek squishing against Kakashi’s shoulder once more “hai hai” Kakashi says softly.

Not for the first time, all Kakashi can think is - ‘I will never deserve this kid’. The boy who is like pure sunshine, who never holds contempt for anyone. Not even if you killed his godfather. This kid will never understand how undeserving the world is of him, how … how much more he deserves from every single person. Everyone’s taken him for granted, Kakashi included. Despite all the complicated ways he feels about Naruto, he’s a perpetrator of taking the boy’s kindness for granted. For taking advantage of the fact that Kakashi could do no wrong in Naruto’s eyes, that the boy would love him unconditionally no matter how short Kakashi falls from how he should be.

It’s silent as Kakashi carries Naruto back to the village. Naruto’s eyes are closed but he’s not asleep, adrenaline still coursing through his veins. But on his sensei’s back in an all too familiar way, he knows he’s so utterly safe. That Kakashi wouldn’t let anyone hurt him. His emotions are all tangled within him still, loss and love are such strong things. Neither can exist without each other. When he realised Kakashi sensei had died, he didn’t even have the time to react, but now he was here, carrying him the way he has since he was 12. He tilts his head slightly, breathing his sensei in, taking comfort in the fact that his sensei was here, was alive, was still his sensei. Without ero-senin, Kakashi sensei was the only one left. Sure he has baa-chan and Iruka sensei and Sakura-chan and Sasuke, that teme, and the rest of his friends and Gaara and so on, but it was different. With ero-senin and Kakashi sensei, it’s all different. Maybe because now he knows that the fourth hokage was his dad. Maybe now it’s because he knows ero-senin trained his dad, and his dad trained Kakashi sensei. His sensei was his family, but as much as he wanted to excitedly tell Kakashi sensei that they can truly be a family now, he knows how much his dad’s death hurts his sensei. Knows how much his sensei longs to see his dad. How his sensei knows what his dad was like, how dad-like his dad was. If that makes sense. Because as much as he’d been longing to know his parents, as much as he loved seeing his dad, talking to his dad, it’s always been Kakashi sense for him. After all, Kakashi sensei was the one to teach him, to encourage him, believe in him, comfort him, look out for him the way no one ever had. He would never do anything to hurt his sensei, even if he now understands that his existence itself hurts his sensei sometimes. Naruto knows that he’s not the one Kakashi sensei wants, longs for and Naruto has thousands for apologies he wants to tell his sensei but none of it comes out.

Maybe Naruto is scared … scared that his sensei will leave him. Maybe sensei is holding onto his memories of his father and that’s why he keeps Naruto so close yet so far. Naruto can’t blame his sensei. There’s nothing Naruto can say to make it better for his sensei, so Naruto selfishly holds onto Kakashi tighter. Refuses to let Kakashi far from his grasp, decides that after this especially, his sensei wasn’t allowed to go far, far away again to places that Naruto can’t sense him, can’t bring him back.

“Sensei” murmurs the boy, the child, only 16 despite saving the entire village. “Hm?” Kakashi hums softly “don’t go far okay?” the boy murmurs softly in Kakashi’s ear “don’t go far away again that I can’t sense you … don’t go to places that I can’t follow” he murmurs softly, head shifting to press against his neck slightly. Kakashi tries to swallow the lump in his throat, tries to make words form but they can’t. He doesn’t want Naruto to worry about him, it’s supposed to be the other way around. Kakashi wants to tie the kid up and carry him around in a knapsack. Naruto is offering his heart to him again, just like when he was only 12 and half his size and again Kakashi selfishly takes it even if he doesn’t really know how to care for it. “You too” Kakashi finally manages to get out “you’re not allowed to go far either okay?” Kakashi murmurs back “don’t go places without me, that my ninken can’t trace” he says. The blonde doesn’t reply, just nods slightly against him.

Silence settles around them. But it’s a comforting silence. Kakashi’s steady presence helps to calm Naruto’s racing heart down. Naruto’s warmth helps to keep Kakashi grounded in the present. Both entirely oblivious to the way the other is so entangled in messy emotions they don’t know where to start to unravel it. Both care about each other way too much to want to upset the other by starting to unravel their feelings. But they’re here. They can feel each other’s presence, their beings. That’s enough for both of them. For now at least.

Kakashi wants to savour this moment forever, with his kid. Now would be a good time to start with apologies, he thinks. But it’s also not the right time. Later, later when his kid isn’t running on less than empty. Later, when his kid isn’t violently projecting his dead sensei and kushina off of him. Later, when Jiraya isn’t so prominent in his resolve. Later, when Kakashi’s lungs can take in a bit more air. Kakashi got a second chance. And still, he’s just a coward.

They reach the village faster than either of them like. Naruto, for who he is, isn’t sure he’s ready to face everyone. Clings to the last moments of pure peace before reality sets in again. Kakashi wants to shield Naruto, keep him purely by his side for just a bit longer. But they hear his name and Naruto perks up, confused. Kakashi just shakes his head in amusement, gently letting him down. Kakashi’s heart twists at the confusion on the boy’s face, Naruto doesn’t understand why everyone is so eager to see him, as though he didn’t save the village. Kakashi hates the way the boy doesn’t understand. Hates the village for treating his kid like a pariah his whole life, only to do a full 180 on him. They don’t deserve him, Kakashi thinks for the millionth time. Doesn’t think he’ll ever stop thinking that.

But he watches with affection as Sakura muscles her way in front, smacking her only teammate before bringing him into a hug. Those two will be the death of him. Surely they know that by now. The bonds between the two are clear as day, for anyone with eyes to see. Bonds that go beyond just their love for Sasuke. The two are bound by love and respect and care and friendship and history. The only ones that understand each other inside out. Sakura’s crying, Naruto is grinning murmuring comfort and reassurances. They hold each other so tight and no one dares to interrupt.

Finally she lets him go, being tackled by the konoha 11 next. He’s swept up into thank yous and cheers and he looks so entirely overwhelmed but his friends keep him close and Kakashi eye smiles and nods as Naruto turns slightly, imperceptible to anyone but Kakashi and Sakura, seeking reassurance from his sensei. Who is Kakashi to deny him. Keeps watching Naruto as he gets tossed in the air.

He gets a hard punch “oomf” he sounds out. Realistically he could’ve stopped her but he owes her anyways. Owes her a lot. “mah mah Sakura, have some mercy on your old sensei” he tries but is rewarded with another punch despite both of them still looking at Naruto. “You stupid sensei” she whispers, tears filling those green eyes again. “You stupid stupid” she punches him again, albeit a lot softer and he lets her. “Don’t you ever do that again” she says. Kakashi finds it funny that his kids seem to think he just purposely died on them “i won’t I already promised your brother” he teases. But sakura has turned into the perfect Rin-Tsunade hybrid. She’s not as forgiving as Rin but doesn't hold grudges like Tsunade. “He still needs you, I still need you … Sasuke still needs you” she whispers as Kakashi sighs softly drawing her into his arms as he’s done since she was 12. “We still need you” she mumbles against his flack jacket. Tears wetting them but neither comment. Kakashi softly strokes her hair, planting a soft kiss in her hair. He’s always been a million times more gentle with his only girl. Affection he didn’t know he had always coming out for the peace maker of the team. “You’re all so strong, you don't-” his breath knocks out of him as Sakura head butts him, extremely hard mind you, but it shuts him up “We will always need our sensei” she says looking up at him, eyes blazing. He doesn’t deserve her either. He plants a kiss on her forehead instead “I’m not going anywhere” he settles on. Years ago he’d promised himself, he wouldn’t fail Sakura like he failed Rin. Though he’s failed her on multiple occasions. He will never let her get hurt.

Sakura squeezes him again. Stupid sensei, can’t he see how much she still needs him, how much Naruto still needs him. They’ll always need him. Stupid sensei and his stupid guilt-complex. Stupid stupid stupid. She’ll always need him. Her sensei who comforted her, encouraged her, despite his emotionally stunted ways, always let her cry and be big with her emotions. Somehow always having the right things to say and do. Her sensei has never done her wrong. She’s always understood his preference for Sasuke and Naruto. She’s never once held it against him or felt bad about it because she knows out of the three, she tried the most with her. Tried to get over his awkward, emotionless ways just for her. Just because she sought out Tsunade-sama, doesn’t mean she thought of him less. He’ll always be her sensei. She’ll always love him and care about him. Why can’t he allow himself to see that?

Chapter Text

It’s a long time until Naruto is set free from celebrations, he’s grateful and happy but … he’s overwhelmed. He darts through crowds, tries to be polite, accepts praise and thanks and everything else. After all, everyone’s hated him up till now. He tries his best to seek out the one person who will give him refuge. Focussing on finding the one person he can just be with, with no expectations.

“YAMATO TAICHOUUUUU” Naruto calls out to the mokuton user. The wood style user looks up with a soft smile. Coming from ANBU, he couldn’t believe how … soft his senpai had become, but after seeing Naruto and Sakura, he understood. Can’t help his own fond exasperation for the two bubble up every time. “What is it?” the captain asks, exhausted from helping build temporary housings and the whole Pain invasion and Konoha crush and all sorts. But, he can’t complain in front of Naruto of all people. “Have you seen Kakashi sensei?” He asks, blue eyes trembling ever so slightly. Only his years in ANBU allowed him to see it. “I can’t find him … I just need- yeah. Have you seen him?” the blonde asks. It takes everything in him to not laugh in the face of the sincere kid, the way the kid is consciously or sub-consciously seeking out his senpai. “I saw him with Sakura” he says gently. Naruto just nods, slightly jerky, before grinning and proclaiming how happy he is that Yamato is okay. The wood user watches him dart off with a fond shake of the head. Those two, he thinks.

Naruto hones in on the familiar chakras and follows the trail as he finds Sakura but no grey haired sensei in sight. “Sakura-chan” he breathes out softly as the pinkhaired girl turns slightly. She sees the frazzled look in his eyes, the way only she and Kakashi can read, before leading him away from the bustle of everyone before Naruto can get swept up again. She grabs his hand softly leading him away to the outskirts of Konoha. She’s never been fair to Naruto, never been kind to him, never cared as much as he did about her. She’s determined to change all that now. She used his personality to her advantage back then and now she can’t undo what she’s done. She can’t make him give up what she begged of him, knows that she can’t erase her actions, or correct her words. But she’s determined to be there, and support and comfort him from here on out. The two of them are bonded through Sasuke of course, but more than that, their own missions, and time spent together. Their own talks and familial feelings for each other. Their protectiveness for each other is pure, not through their love for Sasuke.

Naruto takes the lead, as they get further away. Not far enough that no one would be able to track them, but far enough that no one could hear or find them. Except for Kakashi, Tsunade and probably Yamato. Naruto stops in front of the small grave he’d set up for Jiraya and Sakura holds her breath as they plop down on the ground at the base of the tree opposite the small shrine. He doesn’t talk about Jiraya though, and Sakura gives him time. It’s still too fresh, he hasn’t had the time to process anything yet.

“Have you seen sensei?” he finally murmurs. The girl shakes her head slightly “I saw him earlier but not since then” she says softly, letting the blonde lay his head on her lap as she pats the still soft locks. “Stupid sensei” they say simultaneously grinning at each other. She knows he’s overwhelmed, but doesn’t comment. Just gives him the space to breathe. To be himself without expectations and worries. “I don’t …” he starts and she looks down softly “what … hes our sensei” he says lamely but she understands. They both do. The way they feel about their sensei, the way they see him. No one could possibly understand.

“He is our sensei” she replies with a nod. No words really need to be said between them but that. He’s their sensei, even if they both went off and found new masters, even if people liken them to the legendary sanin more. Kakashi has been and will always be their sensei, their only sensei. No one could replace what Kakashi meant to the two of them. No one but them would understand the aloof, cold, uncaring jounin. No one would understand his heart the way the two if them did. After all, only they got the Kakashi who prepared packed lunches for all three, since Naruto and Sasuke had no parents and he never left Sakura out. After all, only they got the Kakashi ,who seemed like he couldn’t handle emotions, who hugged them when they cried, who comforted them when they hit slumps, rooted for them and believed they’d be great when they were just fresh eyed genin. After all, only they got the Kakashi who would protect them with his life, who would push them out of the way and take the hit. After all, only they got the Kakashi who was safety personified. After all, they were the only ones who Kakashi called his kids, his pups. Everyone thinks he’s the uncaring copy nin, but everyone was so wrong. He was the exact opposite of that.

They understood his trauma, and his hurt and his pain. Even if they didn’t really, they understood enough to know that Kakashi had only ever done his best by them, had only ever given them as much as he was able to. That he was trying his best. There was nothing to hold against him, nothing to be mad or upset about. They knew, they knew he loved them even if he wasn’t able to admit it, or accept it or say it out loud. They knew they held positions in his heart that they’d never take for granted. For every time they felt like they failed or that everything was too scary, they could always run back to him. Silly sensei, thinks he hasn’t done enough when the truth is the opposite. He does so much for them, has always done everything for them. They wish he could accept how much they love him, how much they hold onto him, rely on him, need him. He’s their sensei.

The two share stories from their genin days, reminders of what life was like back then. When they had their third with them. All their adventures they got up to, all the missions and trainings and meals that Kakashi always cheated them into paying but when they got home there would somehow be three times the amount in their wallets than what they started with. All the pranks they played on Kakashi, all the times he let them be kids. “He definitely knew” Naruto laughs brightly as Sakura giggles “defnitely” she nods. There was no way the high ranking, S class bingo book, feared Hatake Kakashi didn’t know his genin team were trailing him on their off days or after training when he dismissed them early.

They understand each other’s hidden words, lines between the stories. The love they have for Sasuke, the resolute need to bring him back home to them. The trust and awe they have for their sensei. The reliance they have on each other. It doesn’t need to be said but they understand anyways. In this moment, with just the two of them, worries slip away, their hearts settle as they joke about the good old days, about how even now they’re the only two people that could annoy Kakashi half to death and he’d just pat their heads. They talk about Sai and Yamato, about the new team 7. As much as it hurts them both because team 7 will always be Sasule, Sakura and Naruto with Kakashi as their sensei. But they like Sai and Yamato, but they call it Team Yamato, or Team Kakashi more than referring to them as team 7. No one forces the team 7 brand onto the new team, everyone wiser than bringing it up.

Sasuke. They want him home with them, they want him with their little odd family. People don’t understand Sasuke the way they do. They don’t understand that Sasuke was not only a willing participant but sometimes headed their shenanigans they pulled on Kakashi sensei. They don’t understand that Sasuke did care for them, in his own capacity. Sasuke did protect them, that they were a team. How do they explain who Sasuke was beyond his need for revenge to anyone outside team 7? Only team 7 understood. So they were bringing him home, there was no other option.

Naruto and Sakura, people don’t realise either, are bonded by their longing for Sasuke. Even as genin, when Kakashi had seemingly favoured Sasuke for reasons they understood, it’d always been Naruto and Sakura. As they grew up that never changed. Their years apart strengthened their resolve to not protect each other. The late night talks about their dreams and wishes, their talks about their wayward brother and their silly sensei, both of them determined to protect team 7 as a whole. Sakura was an oasis to Naruto, someone who understood him. When things all got blurry and dark, Sakura never faded. His promises to her remained untouched, pure. His desire to make her happy burned strongly, out of a romantic sense. She meant too much to him, and he’d never take her for granted. Naruto, to Sakura, was the sun. He was her guiding star, she knew that all she had to do was follow him, no matter that they’d be okay. He was the sun and she wanted to protect his brightness. Never wanted to see the rays dull or disappear behind clouds. She’ll be the wind, she decides, blowing away all the clouds that threaten to hide him. It’s a pure love between the two, a pure familial love that could never be tarnished. They’d be okay, and their sensei will be okay, and Sasuke will come back and they'll never let the two go, and they’ll be a complete family again.

They keep talking about their sensei, irritation bleeding with love, annoyance mixed with fondness for their stupid sensei who can’t see what he is in their lives. The sun starts to set and they stay silent, basking in each other's presence before heading back to the village. Sakura can tell Naruto is starting to get antsy again, the need to see their sensei palpable. She understands, she doesn’t know what she’d do if something happened to Kakashi sensei for real this time. She watches Naruto say a quick goodbye to Jiraya before they head back together, determined to find their enigma of a sensei.

Back in the village, Naruto is swept up again. Feelings of being overwhelmed rising fast and quick. Sakura takes one look before she’s grabbing his hand again, shoving her way through with not so polite words. Can’t they see they're overwhelming him? She growls in her head. Dead set on finding their sensei for Naruto. Watches out of the corner of her eye the way Naruto’s eyes glaze over with panic hidden behind the bright grins and her heart hurts and her breath stutters. The need to find their sensei stronger than ever. It doesnt take long, he’s tall and noticeable after all.

“KAKASHI SENSEIIIIII” they chorus speeding towards him.

Naruto will be alright, Sakura will make sure of it. Their sensei is the one he needs, she’ll make sure he gets him. They’ll all be okay. Sakura will make sure.

Chapter Text

There’s still too many emotions running through Kakashi, but the knowledge that one of his kids is safe with the hokage and the other is right next to him lets him breathe easier. His body moves on its own accord, before hes sitting on the floor of the tent next to Naruto’s makeshift bed. The blonde seemingly peacefully asleep. Kakashi takes a moment to just look at the blonde. With a heavy heart and too many emotions to name, he lays a gentle hand on the boy's forehead. He can’t put into words what this kid means to him, what all his kids mean to him but this one in particular. Can’t help the thoughts that swallow him, how he has always kept Naruto at an arm’s length, the boy a shadow of what he’d lost.

It’s not Naruto’s fault. It’s Kakashi’s. The war inside him rages on, past and present tugging him apart, threatening to split him right into two. Doesn’t want to betray his past but also can’t stay stuck there forever. His brain and heart are at war. His brain wants to shove the blonde away, to never have to face the ghosts that haunt him in the shape of this child who has done no wrong, and his heart telling him to give in, to accept how he feels about Naruto, to accept the depth of care and lov- … it’s too much for someone like Kakashi who can barely handle the regular spectrum of emotions on a good day, let alone all these messy, contradicting, swirling emotions inside of him.

Instead, he strokes the blonde’s hair and prays that the boy is at peace even in this moment. He’d seen the looks in his kids' eyes earlier. The vestiges of panic, fear, overwhelming both of them. It’s not uncommon for them to seek him out, but as usual they didn’t really say anything to them. It’s just through years of knowing them that only he is able to tel the slightest changes in his kids. Now that he thinks about it, he can’t imagine how overwhelming it must be for Naruto. How everything happened so fast and suddenly he's thrown through a loop and everyone loves him and he’s the saviour but he hasn’t had a moment to breathe. Mayhaps that’s where the two disappeared off to earlier. Shikamaru had told him that he’d seen the paid all but running away earlier. Kakashi wanted to set off immediately, brain taking a backseat at hearing that his kids were seemingly upset. But Shikamaru just gave him that lazy sigh, saying they were troublesome. Shikamaru’s eyes were calculating, they were his friends after all, he knew. He probably knew stories about Kakashi himself from Asuma. “Don’t worry, they’re fine” Shikamaru drawled out lazily “they’re troublesome but they wouldn’t have gone too far. They’re close enough that you could find them, or Yamato Taichou or Tsunade Sama” he says. ‘They need space’ goes unsaid “they were looking for you apparently” Shikamaru says, eyes looking through Kakashi as though seeing the truth behind team 7. He probably did. “They’ll be back” Shikamaru says as Choji and Ino call out for him and he gives Kakashi a semi polite nod. Well as polite as the Nara boy would give.

Indeed, his kids tracked him down, reading between their loud complaints and threats, he knows. They’re scared, scared they’ll lose him too. He wants to soothe the worries and comfort them saying he’ll never leave them but the words catch in his throat. They know him too well, they understand him too deeply when Kakashi never gave them permission to. He sighs again silently, he can’t push them away now, even he knows that. Knows that he cares about them way too much, understands their fears and worries too much. He wonders if his kids will ever understand how much they’ve saved him, wonders if they realise that they are the lights in his life, keeping him on the path. Wonders if he’ll ever be able to tell them that, whether he’ll ever find the right words.

He looks at Naruto, the boy who embodied his greatest heartaches. It’s hard for him to look at Naruto without seeing the shadows and the ghosts, to not feel the pains in his soul. Kakashi wonders how many lifetimes it’ll take to make it up to Naruto. For not being there for him, for casting him aside because he was a coward and it hurt too much. Wonders how many lifetimes it’d take to fix what he helped break. Even now, Kakashi still can’t look at the boy without feeling phantom pains throughout his being. But at the same time the overwhelming warmth he feels can’t be ignored or denied either.

He’s broken out of his thoughts at soft whimpering and his eye snaps down to the boy. Tears leaking out of the boy's closed eyes is enough for Kakashi’s breath to stop. Kakashi doesn’t think he’s ever seen the boy cry, not truly, not out of genuine heartache. Maybe because Kakashi has always run away before he could handle those real emotions from naruto. Hypocritical yet again, he wants the kid to be honest but can’t face that honesty. But now tears leak out of those closed eyes, hushed whimpers falling from his lips. Kakashi doesn’t panic, not when in the face of war, not when in the face of the akatsuki or any enemy, not in the face of the other kages. But he’s panicking right now. Doesn’t know what to do, doesn’t know what to say.

“Ero-senin” comes the hushed whimpers and oh-. There’s no distress in Naruto, just grief that seeps so deep into his bones, that follows him into his dreams. Kakashi knows, can’t count the number of times he’s dreamt about Minato sensei, and Rin and Obito and his father. Grief that you can’t escape no matter where you go or what you do. Naruto hasn’t had any chance to process anything, not losing his godfather, not the konoha crush, has been running since he returned to the village with Jiraya months ago. Kakashi wants to pull the boy close, to whisper comfort and care. He lays his hand on the boy’s forehead again and the boy’s eyes snap open.

“Sensei?” Naruto whimpers hoarsely. His face is wet, as he runs his hand across his face clumsily. He’d been dreaming but it’d felt real. The last training he’d done with Jiraya, with Gamatatsu and Gamakichi, the popsicles they always split after training. Napping against the sturdy back of the sage where he knew no one would even dare approach. He’d dreamt of Jiraya, the bright laughs and wide grins, he was trying to tell Jiraya everything but it was like Jiraya couldn’t hear him. Naruto was trying to get to him, in a haste to tell him not to go fight Pain to not leave him but he falls asleep in his dream against that steady back, remnants of the popsicle on his tongue and … his heart hurts and it’s a longing he’s never felt before to feel Jiraya’s warmth, to tease the sage, to train with him, to laugh together, to be treated by Jiraya. Longs to tell him everything, wants to show off, wants to … his heart is twisting and his lungs are frozen and he blinks and everything’s blurry and he’s in a tent and his sensei is here but he can still taste the popsicle on his tongue, he can still hear Jiraya’s laugh, can still feel the steady breaths of the sage against his own back, can still see the grandfatherly love in Jiraya’s eyes, can still smell the weirdly comforting mix of earth and alcohol and ink and paper that Jiraya was. But Jiraya’s gone. And Naruto doesn’t … he doesn’t want to think about ero-senin and his face is wet again and … oh. His sensei is here though. “Kaka-sensei” Naruto whispers again.

Kakashi hums softly “what’s wrong pup” he murmurs. Kakashi’s hand in Naruto’s hair grounds him. Kakashi can see, even in the dark of night, the unfiltered grief on the kid’s face. The sunshine boy is nowhere to be seen. Sees the tears falling in never ending cascades, the eyes trapped seeing the inbetween and Kakashi’s heart stutters. Kakashi doesn’t think before he’s shifting to sit behind Naruto, pulling him close as the blonde buries his face into Kakashi’s chest. It’s silent, imperceptible that Naruto was crying except the wetness, the never ending waterfall of tears. “I” the boy whispers and Kakashi just holds him closer. “He was just here” Naruto whispers “like if i” he reaches his hand out touching nothing. “I was trying to tell him .. but he couldn’t hear and … I was and he was and” the boy trembles in Kakashi’s arms “popsicles and his back, and his pervy laugh and it smells like the earth and alcohol and ink and paper and he … and i …” Naruto tries, still caught in the in between, grief seizing and taking it’s hold as the boy fights to stay in the past but return to the present. Kakashi holds him tighter, his own heart breaking. He knows grief like a second skin, knows he can’t really do anything but he brushes the boys hair anyways “It’s like he was here wasn’t he, but he was still just out of reach” Kakashi murmurs validating the boy’s feelings. “I heard all about your popsicle traditions, Jiraya-sama would tell me he’d jokingly spend all your money” Kakashi says, knowing that Naruto needed to hear about his godfather from someone who knew him too. The way that Jiraya was the only one who knew Minato sensei like he did. “Jiraya-sama would jokingly complain about you sleeping against his back during breaks while he’d write the Icha Icha books, you could hear his laugh from miles away. He was loud and larger than life” Kakashi says softly “He was so here that it’s impossible to understand how he could just be gone isn’t it” Kakashi murmurs comfortingly to the blonde who just whimpers. “He loved you more than life pup” Kakashi says softly, words Naruto needed to hear. “You were the centre of his world, I’ve never heard Jiraya-sama talk so much about anyone, never heard him brag so much about anyone, never heard Jiraya-sama openly love anyone as much as he did you” Kakashi says gently as he feels his shirt get even wetter with Naruto’s tears, but the boy needed to know that Jiraya loved him as much as he loved Jiraya “From when he met you to when you left with him, he’d always come by the village to check in on you, even if he never appeared in front of you. Only after he met you did Jiraya-sama start consistently coming back to the village” Kakashi says “And even after your return, he basically threatened me to keep you safe” Kakashi laughs softly.

Naruto takes all of this in, emotions rising more, entangling more. He always wanted the toad sage to think he was talented and cool and smart and hard working. Hearing all this now, he knows Kakashi would never lie to him. Ero-senin was so … stupid like his sensei. He wanted Naruto to think he was cool and amazing and … didn’t he know ? Nauto already thought he was all of that and more. Naruto knew how much Jiraya looked after him and treasured him. Knows how much Jiraya treated him like his grandson. Knows how hard it must've been for Jiraya to love him after how much he loved Minato and how different Naruto was. But Jiraya loved him anyway. There wasn’t a single moment with Jiraya that Naruto wasn’t happy. Oh how he wishes he could tell the sage. “He threatened you ?” Naruto asks hoarsely, mildly surprised. Naruto had never thought of Jiraya as intimidating or scary, only ever seen him get serious a handful of times. Kakashi snorts softly “yeah, said he was leaving you in my care. But i could tell, the killing intent was leaking off of him so much it hurt my bones” Naruto smiles despite everything. “Sensei” Naruto murmurs as Kakashi pulls him closer yet again “I …” Naruto cuts off before mustering the strength “I only ever showed him my worst sides” Naruto confesses in a whisper through a second wave of tears “I was impatient and bratty and annoying and” Naruto’s breath hitches and Kakashi’s heart breaks “I never told him how much I adored him and loved him because I liked teasing him and I thought-” he breaks off again in a silent sob “I thought … I wanted him to see me grow up, and become hokage and become super cool like him, wanted to show off in front of him. And i never” Naruto sobs earnestly now and Kakashi tries to quell his own grief “I knew he was my godfather, he told me when he was drunk and I never got to tell him that I forgive him for not turning up till I was 13, that I was never mad at him. I never told him that every moment with him made me happy I never-” Naruto sobs. There’s so much grief Kakashi swears he can taste it and Naruto needs to tell someone how much he regrets. “I should’ve told him and I didn't and the stupid ero-senin he went off by himself to … I know” Naruto gasps for air as Kakashi tries to soothe him “And I know it;s because of me!” Naruto cries desperately, pleading for someone, for Kakashi to forgive him “He could’ve run, could’ve escaped, he didn’t have to die but he knew they were after me, that I was the one who’d have to deal with it, he wanted to give me a chance and he did. I couldn’t have won without his sacrifice but I didn't want that” Naruto cries “I didn't want him to sacrifice himself for me, I want him here” Naruto cries. “It’s my fault and he died for me, because of me but I didn’t” Naruto cries, guilt and grief are a maelstrom, so heavy it’s suffocating.

“No” Kakashi cuts in, refusing to let Naruto go down that path, he knows that path all too well “He did it for you, yes. But because he entrusted his future, his dreams to you. He died for you, wanted to sacrifice himself for you. You are the only person who he would’ve done it for. Any other way, any way at all where Jiraya could’ve figured pain’s secret out and come home to you, he would’ve. I know he wanted to come home to you, I know he wanted all those things you want. But he wanted to save you, he would never have forgiven himself if he didn’t do everything in his power to save you” Kakashi needs Naruto to know that Jiraya loves him more than life “What if he doesn’t forgive me” Naruto whispers and Kakshi just shakes his head “Trust me pup, there’s nothing you could ever do to make Jiraya-sama upset with you or angry at you or to stop loving you” Naruto takes his sensei’s words in, not quite letting himself believe any of his words, but trusts his sensei that he’s able to breathe. “It’s not fair” Naruto whispers and Kakashi just plants a soft kiss in his hair. “I’m sorry you lost ero-senin too sensei, I knew he mattered a lot to you too, he talked a lot about you too. Told me I was so lucky to have you as my sensei.” not for the first time, the blonde’’s selflessness floors him. “We can miss him together” the blonde whispers and he feels his sensei nod behind him

Naruto had heard Jiraya go on and on about his sensei. Telling him how lucky he was, but how much Kakashi sensei had gone through, that Naruto should be good to his sensei. Naruto knows that the legendary sanin cared a lot about his sensei. It made Naruto happy that there was someone else looking out for his sensei too and now there’s someone to miss ero-senin too. Kakashi doesn’t deserve the kid. He thinks about it all the time, he’s reminded about it all the time. ‘I’ve got him Jiraya-sama, I’ll make sure he’s okay. I’ll protect him with my life. You entrusted him to me, I will honour that and you. Thank you for everything’ Kakashi sends the silent prayer into the wind.

“Sensei” Naruto murmurs “can we go find baa-chan, i know it’s late but I can sense she’s awake … I … I need to say sorry for what I said in the office that day” Naruto knows, beyond Kakashi sensei, baa-chan was the ONLY person who understood the depth of his grief and guilt and he’d taken it out on the woman who’s only ever loved him and cared for him and let him get away with so much. Kakashi wants to say no, but he knows Naruto needs this so he nods. Doesn’t miss the way Naruto says ‘we’. They silently get up and Kakashi keeps Naruto close with an arm around him as they silently walk towards where Tsunade was in a temporary house Tezou built. It doesn't take long, and of course they’re let in right away. The hokage is awake, she doesn’t have time to rest but she looks up as they walk in and in an instant she's out of her seat and Naruto throws himself at her. Naruto blubbers through tears all his apologies as the hokage just holds him close planting kisses in his hair. Tsunade doesn’t deserve the kid, why would he apologise to her. He was right that day anyways, she let Jiraya go. There’s nothing she can do but soothe him through the tears. Naruto can barely breathe through the tears and apologies. Kakashi sees the tears in the hokage’s eyes but just stays to the side ready if Naruto should need him. “It’s not your fault baa-chan, I’m sorry I ever said it was” Naruto says, desperate for forgiveness. “Ero-senin loved you baa-chan, I know he’s going to smack me for saying it was your fault. I miss him and I bet you miss him and” Naruto cries. ‘Shhhhh gaki, I was never upset or mad. It’s no one’s fault but the akatsuki. I know you miss him, i do too. He loved you so much, he’d brag to me all the time.” Tsunade soothes. She was guilty but that was on her, not on this poor kid who was a victim of everything. She holds Naruto close as he cries and cries and cries until they slowly start sharing stories with teary eyes of adventures and Jiraya just being Jiraya. Kakashi interrupts with his own stories as well as they all sit, Naruto squished between the two. Grief is still overwhelming and drowning but they’ve got him. Tsunade and Kakashi, they've got him, they promised Jiraya after all.

Tsunade knows more than anyone how much Jiraya loved this child. How much he believed him to be the child of the prophecy if not he wouldn’t have brought Naruto to come and find her those years ago. Tsunade never thought anyone could beat Minato in Jiraya’s eyes. At first Tsunade wondered if Jiraya was trying to relive those days, but she was quickly proven wrong. The way Jiraya talked about Naruto, he didn’t even talk about Minato with that much blatant fondness. Naruto was his salvation, like he was hers as well. The sunshine boy wormed his way into both their cold dead hearts, making them beat again. Tsunade doesn’t think Jiraya was even capable of loving someone as much as he loved his godson. Jiraya left everything to this kid, and Tsunade was going to protect Jiraya’s legacy with her whole being. Combined with the fierce love and bets she has on the boy in the form of that necklace, you’d have to pry Naruto from her cold dead hands if it came down to it. Tsunade owes it to Naruto to tell him everything and more about his godfather. There’s formalities - Jiraya’s entire monetary accounts he’d left to Naruto, all his possessions, but beyond that it was who Jiraya was as a person, his hopes and dreams all lived in Naruto. Tsunade promises, no matter what Naruto needed, she’d be there. Whether it was to listen to complaints, or provide comfort, or whatever, she'd give it. Jiraya loved this kid more than his own being. Tsunade knew that more than anyone and would remind Naruto everyday if she had to.

Finally Naruto drifts off, tear stains on his cheeks but exhausted from the mental drain. Kakshi and Tsunade look at him with fondness. “I’m sorry we barged in hokage-sama” Kakashi murmurs softly but is rewarded with a smack on his head “I always have time for him” she says hand petting the blond locks. “I wish I could give him back Jiraya” she says, grief palpable again “Srupid Jiraya, you had people waiting for you to come home” she whispers to the sky. “How will we ever make it up to him?” Tsunade asks Kakashi. He has no answers, he wishes he did. “I promised Jiraya-sama that he could entrust me with Naruto, that’s” Kakashi says voice tight “that’s all I can do.” Tsunade holds the sleeping blonde closer “we’ve got him, can’t let that stupid Jiraya worry in the afterlife” she says. ‘You stupid fool, I’ve got him. Kakakshi too. Don’t worry wherever you are. I won’t let anything or anyone hurt him’ she says silently. Grief ties people together through the unbearable love people have for someone. There’s a silent understanding between the two adults. They’ll protect the kid, love the kid, comfort the kid the way Jiraya entrusted him to them.

'We’ve got him Jiraya, don’t worry.' they both send into the wind.

Chapter Text

Kakashi and Tsunade watch over the sleeping blonde, there to shush him quietly when he starts murmuring. Soft hands in the soft blonde locks when he starts showing signs of a restless sleep. They keep watch, and it’s peaceful, fragile but peaceful. The silence filled with promises and comfort and care and love. Kakashi reads his book as Tsunade gets away with paper work by pretending to fall asleep whenever Shizune peeps in. For as much as Shizune wants to scold the hokage, the sight of Naruto with tear tracks on his face, and the protective air that practically radiates off of Kakashi and Tsunade, she chooses to just close the door, cancelling any meetings for the day. Kakashi smiles softly as he watches the hokage genuinely fall asleep, cheek pressed against the blonde’s head. Kakashi thinks he must’ve fallen asleep too, surprisingly, the high ranking jounin used to pulling all-nighters for days at a time, he blinks blearily with embarrassment as his vision clears and he sees Tsunade grinning at him but holds a finger to her lips as Kakashi registers the weight in his lap. Naruto either shifted in his sleep or Tsunade shifted them but the hokage was back at her desk doing some paperwork, Naruto’s head in Kakashi’s lap, the boy laid out on the couch with a blanket tucked around him. “Did I fall asleep?” the jounin sensei asks in a hushed murmur. Tsunade rolls her eyes “yeah you did, passed out sometime after 7am.” she says “didn’t even flinch when I shifted the gaki to lay down. I thought you were supposed to be a highly trained ninja” Tsunade teases. Kakashi just looks embarrassed. “What time is it?” he murmurs, clearly it was sometime in the day, the sun high in the sky by the looks of it. “2pm” the hokage says amused watching the lone eye widen slightly. “It’s fine” she waves off “There’s really nothing much happening, just the rebuilding efforts. Thanks to you and the gaki, Shizune cleared my meetings off for the day and told everyone to not disturb” the hokage says a bit too gleefully at the opportunity to slack off a bit. “Has he not woken at all?” Kakashi asks, looking down at his slumbering student. The hokage shakes her head “Probably just the exhaustion from last night …. Well and saving the entire village” she says fondly.

Kakashi lays his hand on the blonde’s forehead gently, careful not to wake the sleeping child, but frowns. He wasn’t an expert but there’s no way Naruto should be this warm. He knew the kid ran warmer than most due to the nine-tails inside of him but the kid felt warm, really warm. It’s why Kakashi woke up in the first place, feeling overheated himself. Worry stirs irrationally in his gut as he fently feels Naruto’s cheeks and neck. All way too warm, in fact very very hot. “Tsunade-sama” Kakashi says hesitantly, the hokage’s eyes snapping up immediately, rushing over “what’s wrong” she commands. “He’s hot, way too hot.” he says as he watches Tsunade start to check him up. Kakashi calms down a bit, this was the legendary medical nin after all, no one even came close to her abilities. Kakashi watches Tsunade run glowing green hands over Naruto’s body checking for injuries and causes. “Did he get checked up after he came back from speaking to Nagato?” Tsunade asks urgently. Kakashi tries to remember but comes up empty, Tsunade can’t recall either. Dammit, she should’ve checked her gaki herself, why didn’t she. Dammit. “Maybe Sakura did but she was busy with other and I can’t remember” Kakashi says, mind whizzing through the events of the last few days. Shit, why didn’t he take Naruto to get himself checked right away. Desperately trying to remember if his pink haired girl did a medical check on the boy. He comes up empty, emotions were running too high that it must’ve just slipped through everyone’s mind and knowing the selfless kid, he probably thought it was unnecessary. The nin-tails healing abilities ensured Naruto wouldn’t keel over all of a sudden. He watches with a worried eye, the way the hokage frowns slightly, in concentration and what she’s probably finding. “Dammit” she curses “Kakashi pick him up, follow me” she commands urgently. Kakashi scoops the boy, who Kakashi is realising with his stomach dropping to his feet that his kid was passed out, not asleep. Kakashi can’t even say when he passed out, knows realistically that if Tsunade didn’t catch it, how would he have but he curses himself anyways. He rushes out, following Tsunade, holding the overheating blonde close to his chest. Follows the hokage out of the house and into the makeshift hospital (also thanks to Tenzou). Both adults ignore the stares and concerned whispers at the sight of the hero being carried by his sensei through the hospital, Kakashi only has time to send his pink haired student a reassuring eye smile as she catches sight of them “What happened” she says worriedly, keeping up with her master and sensei as Tsunade enters one of the private medical rooms. “Set him down” Tsunade commands as Kakashi gently lays Naruto down. “Sakura, did you give Naruto a medical check when he came back, or did anyone?” her sensei asks. The pink haired girl’s eyes trained on her friend’s limp body and shakes her head “I … there was so much happening and I just … and” she whispers. Kakashi gives her a gentle head pat “Mah mah, don’t worry so much. You know Naruto, and you know better than anyone that Tsunade-sama is the best of the best” he says softly to his girl. Kakashi wraps an arm around the girl’s shoulder. Sakura curses herself for being so careless, should’ve forced the blonde, wrestled him in for a check up the second she caught sight of him. Sakura bites her lip as she watches her master examine him more closely, lets herself lean into her sensei for silent comfort.

Dammit, dammit dammit. Tsunade thinks to herself, running glowing green hands over the boy’s body. If not for the kyuubi sealed inside of him, he would’ve keeled over the second Kakashi brought him back to the village. Cracked ribs, a semi healed punctured lung that probably was punctured by broken ribs. Bruised organs that no doubt would’ve led to massive internal bleeding if not for the kyuubi who probably did damage control, the kyuubi couldn’t afford for Naruto to die. Partially healed bones in his arms as well. She can’t imagine how much more damage there was that the fox had already healed. God, of course. Just because he was in sage mode, just because he was on par with the strength of a kage, doesn’t mean his body didn't get damaged. More worrying is his chakra pathways. Recalls how the nine-tails nearly took over, but Naruto was able to squash it through Minato’s failsafe built into the seal. But also recalls Jiraya’s words, how after a certain number of tails, Naruto’s body would start to damage itself. Tsunade supposes there was so much damage that even the kyuubi was having a hard time, rendering the boy unconscious as it tries to heal its host. The fever was a result of the kyuubi, it was a delicate balance that Naruto was hovering in right now. Tsunade healed as much as she could, helping to start the healing process of most things, finishing off the healing of other things. But there was nothing Tsunade could do about the fever, it was the nine-tails chakra, more of it than the boy was used to for a longer period of time than the boy was used too. Tsunade would have to watch the boy carefully, she guesses eventually when Naruto was healed enough, the nine-tails would retract its chakra and Naruto’s fever would break when his chakra went back to having the usual ratio of kyuubi chakra. But the gaki … so much damage untreated. All Tsunade could do now was help the healing process. She fixed the bones that were nearly done healing, started healing process for the remaining cracked ribs. She drained the blood from internal bleeding, and helped start the healing process of multiple of his vital organs.

Kakashi and Sakura can only watch as the famed medical nin muttered under her breath, working fast. Finally she turns around, face grim “He had lots of internal damage, probably even more just yesterday. We’ve always known that he recuperates quick thanks to the nine tails. But the combination of damage he received during his fight with the Pains as well as the damage inflicted by the nin-tails nearly taking over was just too much for the kyuubi to be able to heal. It probably decided to knock Naruto out so it could speed up the healing process. We don’t know what the kyuuno’s rationale is, but it’s probably because if Naruto dies, it dies too so it wouldn’t let it’s jinchuriki die.” she says. “As for the fever, Naruto’s body is used to a certain amount of kyuubi chakra in his system at all times, and can handle up to sprouting 3 tails, as per Jiraya’s words. Since the kyuubi is working overtime to heal the gaki, it probably is giving the gaki way more chakra than his body is used to, and for a prolonged period of time as well. There’s nothing we can do about the fever but to wait for the kyuubi to retract its chakra. I’ve healed up some things and helped start the healing process of everyhting else. He has broken bones, had internal bleeding and bruised organs, and that’s just what he still has” she says grimly. “I can’t do more because I don’t want to overwhelm his system more than it already is” she says

Kakashi takes all the words in, mind spinning. He should’ve noticed, should’ve dragged the kid for a check up. Should’ve realised the blonde’s fatigue was more than just from everything. Stupid, selfless kid. Sakura looks at her teammate, he was so stupid. She knew he was stupid and she still let him be. Both sensei and student beating themselves up for their failures. “Hey, even I didn’t notice, so don’t blame yourselves” she says softly regarding the passed out blonde. “Here’s what we’ll do. There’s extra rooms in the temporary hokage house, office thing. I don’t know why Yamato added so many rooms” the hokage grumbles “But there’s no way Naruto is fit to stay in a tent, and it’s safer to keep him more private. So let’s set him up in one of the empty rooms.” she commands “Kakashi, I’m placing Naruto under your care. You’re off the mission roster for the time being, until he recovers” she says, not trusting anyone else. And realistically she knew Kakashi would stay even if she told him to go. “Sakura, you and Sai will be under Yamato’s care as usual in scenarios when Kakashi can’t be with you guys” the hokage regards her student who looks like she wants to protest “Don’t worry” the hokage softens “it’s mainly just for formalities and emergencies, right now, the focus is on rebuilding the village” she says, watching sakura sigh in relief.

Kakashi gently gathers the blonde into his arms, following Tsunade after the hokage returns from getting everything set up, back to the temporary hokage housing. Following to the top floor, into a spacious room. It was big, with two beds. One bigger with necessary medical equipment against the wall. Kakashi gently sets the blonde down as Tsunade fusses, making the kid comfortable as can be in his passed out state before leaving telling Kakashi to call her immediately if anything arises. The jounin nods in agreement as the hokage leaves. Leaving him with his two kids, “why don’t you take a nap” Kakashi suggests softly to his girl. “Don’t worry, you’ll know if anything happens” he says as he gently nudged Sakura in the bed. She looks ready to protest but the call of a comfy bed and her sensei watching over her reminds her too much of when she was just a genin on overnight missions. Their sensei giving them his signature eye smile as he watched the three bunker down into their bed rolls while he watched over them. She finally obliges, more for the memories, she convinces getting into the bed. Kakashi watches fondly as she drifts off to sleep. Kakashi wonders how Tenzu managed to put a window in this room, but doesn’t dwell on it as he perches himself on the open windowsill, reading his book. Well, not really reading. But closely watching his students and the rebuilding efforts going on outside. Despite his slumbering students, it was bright out, probably around 5pm in the afternoon, the lively sounds of the village filtering through the window. Kakashi might’ve felt bad if he wasn’t so content watching over his students, reading his book. The gentle breeze blowing through the open window. He closes his eye, letting the gentle breeze surround him, letting himself bask in the warmth of the sunlight that filtered into the room. His kids were safe with him, sound asleep. For the first time in a long time, things felt okay. Naruto would recover, and it’d be okay.

Chapter Text

Sakura stirs softly to a gentle hand on her forehead and she blinks blearily “sensei?” she murmurs , knowing it was her sensei even with her eyes closed. For one, no way her sensei would let anyone into the room, let alone close enough to her to lay a hand on her. It’d been one time, when they were still genin. They’d gone to a small village , a day’s trip away from konoha, for a simple D rank mission. Someone had tried to grab Sakura, some drunk guy and she barely had time to process the guy’s hand on her arm before the guy went flying through a wall. Her usually aloof and calm sensei leaking killing intent so strong everyone froze. So Sakura is willing to place her bets that this was her sensei. Secondly, it was a familiar gesture, the way her sensei woke them up during overnight missions, Sakura thinks it’s how you’d pet a dog. Probably because her silly sensei was so used to handling dogs, he did call them his pups every so often. Her sensei had come a long way since treating them how he would his ninken but he was still learning. She blinks blearily at her sensei who’s crouched beside the bed. She leans into the hand that gently strokes her hair. “It’s nearly dinner time pup, if you keep sleeping, you won’t sleep later tonight” he says softly. She sits up rubbing her eyes with a sleepy nod, waking up. Kakakshi laughs fondly under his breath as he watches her wake up. Of the three the civilian born girl always struggled the most with the lack of sleep, not that Kakashi wanted her to get used to it. “Do you want me to get you anything sensei?” She asks sweetly “You’d rather eat dinner with your sensei than your friends?” he teases. Sakura just huffs “Stupid, ungrateful senseis” she mutters and Kakashi grins “Mah mah, I was joking, here” he says tossing her his wallet “Get whatever you want, anything is fine with me” He says and she brightens. The notoriously stingy Kakashi sensei giving her his wallet ? She skipped out the door happily and Kakashi watched with fondness.

Kakashi turned his attention to the blonde and sighed softly, he hopped down from the window and crouched by the bed, stroking the blonde hair back, he was still way too hot. Kakashi can’t help the worry that simmers under his skin regardless of Tsunade reassuring him everything was fine, regardless of all of that, Kakashi couldn’t stop the worry that ran through his veins. He was the Hatake Kakashin, the famous and feared copy nin, Kakashi of the Sharingan. He didn’t get scared, he didn’t get frazzled, he was always calm and collected, even in the face of the akatsuki, even when he died. Yet … now, in the face of his sick kid, panic thrummed under his skin, a restlessness that he couldn’t shake off. Even though his kid was here, even though his kid was being looked after by the greatest medical specialist in all the five nations. He couldn’t help it. Kakashi looked down at the kid’s pale face and flushed cheeks. Naruto was usually so full of life and energy, of course, the nine tails had played a part in that. Kakashi had never seen the kid sick or be down for more than half a day. The boy who seemed like life itself had always been so present, but now, Naruto looked small and vulnerable and it was doing things to Kakashi’s heart.

Sakura returns and has to hold back a laugh at how worried her sensei seemed hovering over her teammate. “Sensei, he’s fine, really. I know Tsunade-sama said it was serious but with the nin tails, he’s more than halfway on the mend. I’m sure he’ll wake up soon enough. Tsunade-sama already helped as much as she could and you know she’ll keep an eye on him too.” the pink haired says softly. “Here I bought you favourite” she sing songs softly holding up the bag. Grilled mackerel with rice and miso soup and eggplants, Kakashi smiles softly at the girl “Thanks Sakura, I’m not worried” Kakashi tries to maintain his image that’d crumbled long ago in the face of his students. Sakura genuinely laughs at that and rolls her eyes, sitting cross legged at the bottom of Naruto’s bed “I ate already, ran into Ino, Shikamaru and Choji” she explains as her sensei gazes at her empty hands after she passes the food over “Here” she tosses his wallet back “I didn’t end up paying for a meal which included Choji did I?” Kakashi drawls. In all honesty, after dying in front of the kid Kakashi guesses treating Choji to a meal, or two, of a few, is the least he could do. Sakura smirks and Kakashi is worried for his finances for a second, even though Kakashi really doesn’t buy anything, in fact he spent the most money on his kids and ninken. Kakashi is tempted to check his wallet and Sakura laughs “No sensei, I didn’t. They treated me, they were at their usual yakinuku place. Apparently, Asuma sensei had left a tab open with the place. There’s enough money in the account for their meals there for a while, apparently Kurenai sensei has been adding money to it as well.” Sakura says softly. “Asuma sensei must’ve wanted to make sure he could still treat his team for a while no matter what” Sakura says, respectfully averting her eyes as Kakashi opened the food boxes, looking at her teammate instead. Years ago, and even now, his kids still tried to peek, but sometimes, depending, they were respectful and didn't bother. “Take your time sensei, I won’t look this time” the girl laughs softly. Kakashi just shakes his head in amusement.

They talk about nothing while Kakashi eats, but it’s a pleasant nothing. Filled with stories of the past, from their genin days, their first year as a team. Sakura wishes she could go back to those times, simpler times when her biggest worries were Sasuke liking her and her biggest grievances were Naruto being loud and her sensei being late. It was easier back then, back then she hadn’t understood the weight of her team. The last Uchiha and the jinchuriki, with Hatake Kakashi as their sensei. Of course, all the jounin sensei were highly skilled, after all, only the highest skilled jounin were entrusted with genin teams. The sensei had to be strong enough to protect and save the three genin in case of anything, as Sakura had seen with Zabuzza, with enough skills to teach and pass down their talents. It was hard, now that she was older, all the jounin sensei -Kakashi, Kurenai, Asuma, Guy. They were all insanely strong and feared. Back then, Sakura hadn’t realised the importance of her academy class. Hadn’t realised the importance and implications of having all the clan heirs plus the last Uchiha plus the jinchuriki in her class. Now, of course she knew that the hokage, the daimyo and the village, everyone had eyes on her class. They all had needed to succeed, Sakura was lucky enough to be deemed on par with the rest of the rookie 9. Back then she hadn’t known but the rookie 9 were being groomed to be the village's next generation of powerhouses, to become better than the current jounin sensei, the current class of jounin. How her team, in particular, were being groomed to be the front line defences, the faces of the village. Rumours of their similarities to the legendary sanin had always floated around. Now, Sakura supposes everyone had been right. They had all followed the legendary sanin, to a scary degree. Sakura wants to go back to her genin days of chasing cats and painting fences and trying to see under their sensei’s mask.

“Sensei” sakura says turning back to face her sensei, he tilts his head “If you could go back in time, where would you go?” she asks. Kakashi pauses thinking. It was hard to say, on one hand he’d like to be a child with his father again, on the other hand, he wanted to go back to being on Team Minato. If you asked Kakashi a few years ago, his answer would’ve been to go back to Team Minato before the Kannabi Bridge incident, he would’ve answered right away. But now ? “Hmmmm, I’d go back to the day I first met you three,” Kakashi eye smiles. “You’re such a liar” his girl exclaims with a laugh. Kakashi shakes his head “Maybe if you’d asked me a few years ago, I’d say I wanted to go back to my days with my own team 7 with Minato sensei but, the current me ? I would go back to the day where I met you three. You were all so small and cute and innocent” Kakashi drawls with affection “Where I could watch the three of you complete missions, watch you and Naruto bicker, watch Sasuke and Naruto fight. You were all so easily amazed, and it was easy to keep track of you three. Easy to break up fights, I would go back to when I could pick up the boys by the back of their shirts, when you still had your hair all long” Kakashi says softly. “I wish I could go back there too sensei” sakura murmurs softly “Things were so easy back then, worries were so irrelevant even though it was so big back then, back when … when we were all together” his pink haired child whispered and Kakashi’s heart ached. “I think… I’m glad I trained under Tsunade-Sama and I’m glad I got stronger and I can help now, I don’t have to just watch their backs being unable to do anything. But sensei … I think I was much happier when we didn’t know anything … when we were altogether” Sakura says quietly, green eyes so sad that Kakashi opens his arms for her and she rushes for him. Indeed, she was much smaller then, but she was still Kakashi’s girl. The one he forced himself to learn to give affection for. He strokes the pink hair comfortingly. “Back when I was worried about getting my dress pretty, or whether Sasuke liked me. When our missions were so easy and simple even if they felt so hard, you were there and we knew everything was fine because you were there. We knew you’d never let anything happen to us and you didn’t. We never came back from missions with anything more than some bruises and scrapes because of you, because you’re our sensei” she murmurs against him “I miss when the worst thing was sleeping on forest floors or eating gross rations. I think those nights, even though it was cold and the ground was hard and wet sometimes, all of us would huddle together, even Sasuke-kun, and you’d be watching over us as we slept, I think those were the best sleeps of my life” she whispers softly. “I wish we could go back to then sensei, when Sasuke-kun was getting brighter day by day and Naruto wasn’t living every day looking over his shoulder, or saving a kage or a whole village. I want to go back to those days sensei, when we were all together and dumb and immature but happy” she whispers. Kakashi strokes her hair. “Me too pup, me too” Kakashi murmurs, planting a kiss in her hair. “I wish we could go back to then, when times were simpler and I could fit all three of you in my arms where I could keep an eye on you, keep you close. Those days we’d spend napping after training and you’d all lie on top of me, days where we’d all get dinner together and I’d lie and make you pay for me but I’d slip money back into your wallets. I wish I could bring us back there, where my pups were altogether where I could protect you all so easily” Kakashi murmurs softly. “Sensei, do you think we’ll all be together again?” Comes the hesitant whisper. It’s a loaded question, Sasuke … he was worlds apart from the raven they knew, even if Kakashi knew that underneath everything he was still their Sasuke, but the amount on top of that was so heavy “I’m not sure pup, we can just hope can’t we” Kakashi says honestly. Gone were the days that he could offer empty words in comfort. His girl nods “He’ll always have a family to come home to, we’ll prove it” Sakura whispers.

Sakura stays a bit longer as they continue sharing stories from back then till Sakura feels light enough, ready enough to leave. “I’m gonna go now sensei, I have things to do at the hospital tomorrow, but I’ll come by tomorrow evening, I’ll bring you dinner” she says “Mah, your sensei can take care of himself” Kakashi defends but his student rolls her eyes at him “Stupid sensei” she says but kisses kakashi’s cheek “Tell me if anything happens” Sakura says and Kakashi nods “Want one of my ninken to walk you home?” Kakashi asks. He knows she’s strong and there’s nothing to worry about but still. “Who do you think I am” her eyes burn and Kakashi raises his hands placatingly “mah mah, okay” Kakashi drawls. Watches fondly as Sakura lays a gentle kiss on her teammate’s forehead and waves to her sensei as she slips out “bye pup” he says as she disappears, leaving Kakashi to his thoughts again. Indeed, it’d been easier back then. Back when his kids could fit in his arms so easily, when they dog piled him so easily, so cozily, when they all tucked themselves against him during afternoon naps, the way they were tiny and looked at him with big eyes. Indeed, Kakashi wishes he could go back, he’d hold them tighter, never let them go. During overnight missions, even though it was practice to rotate sleeping shifts, he’d always let his pups sleep, watch them huddle together. He’d cast a gentle genjutsu over the three. He knew of Sasuke’s nightmares, Naruto had murmured that the nine tails often haunted his dreams and he’d wanted to be sure with Sakura, he always cast a gently genjutsu over the three to make sure they slept soundly, free of horrors and nightmares. Kakashi would nap the following day during lunch and he was trained to be able to stay awake for days, so he saw no harm in letting his kids sleep the night. Indeed he wanted to go back to watching his kids fight over painting fences and catching cats, to enforce team outings in the name of building team work but it was more for Sasuke to realise that his team was his family and for Naruto to realise that they’d never let anything happen to him in the streets, that Kakashi would never let anyone mistreat his kid if he was around, even if he wasn’t. Villagers learning that Naruto’s sensei was the feared copy nin made people back off. His kids, so small and cute and innocent back then. Pup wrangling as he’d called it in passing to his friends who’d all laughed and said he was getting soft, but they’d said it fondly, said that his team was good for him.

Team 7 had been Kakashi’s first and only genin team after all. Guy had cried about the kids who were melting his heart, Asuma and Genma and Raido had laughed in his face and Kurenai had just smiled softly at him. Kakashi didn’t bother fighting which just made them all happier. In all honesty, they were happy. All of them had been extremely worried about Kakashi from the day Obito died to the day he received team 7, Kakashi had been a walking time bomb with no care or regard for anyone, not even himself. He cared for his friends but had no energy to entertain them. It wasn’t until Kakashi got his kids that the rest of the jounin started noticing Kakashi out and about the village more often with his kids in tow, it was only after Kakashi passed team 7 that Kakashi started turning up more, talking about the future for the first time, started engaging more, started seeking them out first. As much as they joked, they were relieved. The three kids tethered Kakashi to the present, forced him to look into the future with them. The three notoriously protective and possessive of their sensei, Kakashi was rarely seen without any of them. Often any combination would be hanging around their sensei. It was cute, it really was and the jounin were all relieved and happy. It was like the kids had brought light back into Kakashi’s life. They were good for him, and he was good for them. Team 7’s parallels to team Minato hadn’t gone unnoticed, but it was the right choice, a good choice. Despite all that would follow, Kakashi would do it all over again.

Oh how Kakashi wishes he could rewind time, to go back to a time where his pups all fit in his lap. Where it’d been so easy to keep them safe. Kakashi wishes it were still that easy. They were growing up and nothing was easy now. Kakashi would try anyways, would try to hold them all in his arms again, to be able to protect them. Kakashi longs for afternoon naps with his pups, mundane missions and watching his kids be kids. Sakura was right, things had been so easy back then, they’d been together and that made everything okay. Kakashi would die trying to bring them altogether into his arms again.

Chapter Text

Eventually Kakashi falls asleep, dreaming of his small pups and easier times. He’s woken up by soft mumbles and Kakashi’s eye shoots open, he rushes to Naruto’s side. The boy was twisting uncomfortably. Naruto was hot and cold. He was unbearably hot but freezing cold and everything hurt. He needed … “Sensei” comes the boy’s whimpers as Kakashi gently strokes back the boy’s hair “easy pup, I’m here. Can you tell me what’s wrong?” Kakashi asks soothingly as he goes through the quick signs for his summoning jutsu. The small pug appears, looking annoyed for a second before he took in Naruto’s state “Oh shoot boss, what can I do?” Pakkun asks “Get Tsunade-sama, tell her Naruto woke up” Kakashi says quickly, the pug shooting off. The boy mumbles his name again, the boy wasn’t entirely here but he was sweating and panting and Kakashi felt helpless. He climbed in the bed behind Naruto, drawing the boy close and the boy calmed down a bit, sweaty head falling against Kakashi’s head “sensei?” the boy mumbled again “I’m here, you’re okay, it’s okay” Kakashi soothed the sweaty blonde locks. The boy slurred his words, not entirely here “hot but cold and hurts” the boy slurred. Kakashi tried to hold it together till the hokage arrived. Comforting words tumble out of Kakashi, holding the boy close as the boy starts to calm down more and more

“I’m here” Tsunade breathed out harshly from sprinting. She’d been asleep when she awoke to soft barking. At first, she’d been confused but realised real quick the only one with dogs that’s chase her in the middle of the night was Kakashi and if he was tracking her then it was Naruto, Pakkun had said the gaki was awake but didn’t look good at all. Tsunade raced to the top floor. Had the situation not been serious, Tsunade would’ve smirked and taken a picture. Kakashi was situated behind Naruto, cradling the boy close. But the boy was sweaty and pale but flushed and mumbling incoherently. Kakashi tried to move out of the way but the blonde cried out “sensei’ slurring from the boy, eyes hazily rolling around. “Kakashi just stay put,” the hokage huffed. “Gaki, you with me?” Tsunade tried, green glowing hands tracing over his body. “Baa-chan?” came the response from the delirious boy after a while, “yeah it’s me, can you tell me what hurts?” she asked softly but the boy just tipped his head against Kakashi’s shoulder. “Alright, it’s alright we’ve got you” Tsunade murmured softly, working quickly. “The nine tails is trying to push the limits of what Naruto can take to speed up healing” the hokage frowns and Kakashi bites his lip “It wouldn’t hurt Naruto would it?” Kakashi murmurs. Jiraya was the one person who’d be able to tell them for sure, since the sage was a sealing expert too and knew the most about Naruto’s seal and the nine tails but … “No, it wouldn’t be in the kyuubi’s interest for Naruto to get more hurt, it’d be counter-intuitive and at the end of the day, if Naruto goes, so does the kyuubi. It’s probably getting restless though, trying to get Naruto back to healthy so it can just go back to it’s normal state.” Tsunade says frowning, “All we can do is keep the gaki comfortable, I really don’t want to overload his system with my own healing chakra because that could push things over, all I can do is small things here and there to help move things along. All in all, the nine tails is doing a good job, he’s nearly completely healed already but the fever won’t disappear until the kyuubi retracts its chakra, even then, it may take a few days after Naruto’s all healed up for the fever to disappear, probably over a week or so.” Tsunade says, standing back up, brushing sweaty bangs back. “We just have to keep an eye on him, I’ll be back tomorrow afternoon to check on him, get me if anything happens” she says softly. “He’ll be okay brat” Tsunade laughs softly, neatly flicking Kakashi on the forehead and he blinks, and then looks away embarrassed.

It’s hot, Naruto thinks to himself, it’s hot and it’s dark. Everything hurts, and I’m so confused. Naruto blinks slowly and … oh- he’s in the water in front of the cage. But the water is hot this time, and its bubbling “HEY WHAT’RE YOU DOING YOU DUMB FOX” Naruto yells into the cage. A tail flicks out knocking him off his feet “I’m saving your life you stupid brat, how about a thanks” comes the deep sinister rumbling, but somehow the fox sounds less sinister than normal “Get out of here, let me work. I’m doing this for myself, not for you.” comes the deep growling, tail flicking at him again. Naruto gasps, eyes flying open but there's a warm steady hand in his hair, petting him in an all too familiar way. He’s so hot and uncomfortable but he leans into the touch of his sensei. Kakashi soothes him softly, offering soft words of comfort Kakashi doesn’t remember knowing but offers them all the same. The teen is sweaty and breathing heavily, laying limply in Kakashi’s hold. “Don’t go sensei” the teen mutters out weakly “Don’t go, m scared” Naruto whispers out. “Don’t be scared pup, I’m here. I won’t let anyone hurt you. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere, don’t worry.” Kakashi whispers quietly, soothing the boy till tired blue eyes shut again. Kakashi continues to pet the blonde hair. Scared? Kakashi thinks, what would the boy be scared of? Wonders what horrors were plaguing his kid in his sleep, fever dreams were never any joke. The deliriousness and the dreams amplifying everything, making them seem so real. Kakashi hates to think Naruto is suffering, for all that he’d been through deserved to be able to rest easily. That’s why he used genjutsu on them when they were younger, it wouldn’t work on them anymore but Kakashi wishes it would. Kakashi thinks about simpler times again, when the world was less cruel to his kids. Wants to go back to times where Sakura’s biggest worries were Sasuke liking her back, before Naruto was being hunted down like an animal, before Sasuke gave in to the call of power and revenge. Kakashi wants to haul his kids on D ranks that always ended in fights, and more damage that they had to fix than what they started with. Small disgruntled faces, dirty from menial tasks. Yeah, Kakashi wants to go there. Kakashi looks down at his kid and selfishly wishes to return to a time where Naruto was just fighting to be acknowledged, instead of now where he’s been acknowledged but in return had lost so much more. The boy sleeps restlessly in his arms, tossing and turning and Kakashi can do nothing for him but be a steady presence.

Naruto is dreaming again, no kyuubi, he’s not in the water, he’s not staring down the dark cage. He’s dreaming of memories, drifting in and out of sleep at a really confusing rate. Naruto knows he’s dreaming but everything is real, so is he dreaming? He’s so confused. But then he hears it. Hears that loud, obnoxious laugh that has him spinning around instantly, his surroundings melt away into that oh so familiar waterfall, where he’d first met the toad sage, where he’d summoned Gamabunta for the first time. Naruto’s breath hitches “ERO-SENIN” Naruto screams with his whole being, chasing after the back of the sage. The man stops and turns with big grin on his face “Oh look who it is !”, Naruto crashes into the man, holding tight “Woah woah woah, what’s up with you gaki” the sage says and Naruto holds him tight, never wanting to let go. “Where have you been” Naruto asks angrily, tears brimming in his eyes. Jiraya just looks at him and bursts out laughing “What’s with that look, I’ve been doing research” He replies in that pervy tone, that’s so familiar, so normal, so Jiraya that Naruto feels like he’s crumbling. They sit in the same spot that Naruto had spent weeks trying to summon a toad, instead ending up with tadpoles. He sits next to the sage, the one person he’s been longing for. Even after his breakdown to Kakashi and Tsunade, the grief still comes in waves. Kakashi had said it happened, that grief never leaves, that it was okay to miss someone for the rest of your life. Naruto pokes the sage who just swats at him, so Jiraya, so … his ero-senin. “So, Pain was Nagato huh? Heard you managed to talk sense into him, that you saved everyone” Jiraya says, looking at the blonde. Naruto’s eyes flick to Jiraya’s “Not everyone” he whispers, earning him a punch to the arm “OW WHAT WAS THAT FOR” Naruto yells, grumbling. He’s rewarded with another grin “It’s for being stupid, but you’ve always been stupid and hopeless. “You talking about me?” Jiraya asks, eyeing the blonde who just looks away. “Who said I needed saving” the toad sage huffs “I was being noble and heroic, wanted to go out with a bang you know” Jiraya says smugly. Naruto wants to punch him again, “You’re so stupid ero-senin” the boy huffs “Why … why didn’t you run … the old gramps frog said you could’ve run so why didn’t you?” Naruto asks quietly then, Jiraya regards him for a second.

“Kid, I spent my entire life running away. Ran away after the third war, when Tsunade rejected me yet again, ran off to ‘explore’ the world. Eventually I came back for a while, which was when I got your dad as a student and trained him, but ran away from the village again after that, only stopping by every now and then. After your dad … I ran away yet again, ran away from you. I ran for 12 years before I finally ran into you here, I had always planned to come back for you, but I was trying to build up the courage, and then I heard about your chunin exams in the forest of death and came back. That day I ran into you, it was accidental. I was always coming for you but that day I ran into you accidentally and you look just like Minato but were all your mum, and I wanted to run again but you made me watch you, train you. Kid, I spent most of my life running until I came back for you. Even Minato couldn’t stop me from running. But, after you, everything I started doing was thinking of you. Sure, I told you I was out researching, and don’t get me wrong I was” Jiraya grinned as Naruto rolled his eyes “But everywhere I went, was in search of information about the Akatsuki, my books were a side thing from the day I met you. You made me stop running, because I realised I could never run from you. Not after I met you, and it had nothing to do with your parents. At first ? Yeah, I owed you, I was your godfather after all. But after the first day, here, your determination. It was all you. I realised you’d never let me run and I found myself not wanting to run anymore. For the first time, I kept coming back to the village when before I only ever sent toad messengers, but sometimes I found excuses to come back and see you. And then I took you to find Tsunade and my resolve shattered more and more. Before I knew it, you’d made camp in my old, dead heart. But I still was too embarrassed to admit it. Rumours of the Akatsuki were picking up and then your whole thing with Sasuke happened and I realised, you were a little too much like me. I took you to train, that was the truth. But I knew as well, as long as I was around, the Akatsuki would never try anything. I wanted to keep you safe. I ran away from you for so long, but not only did I stop running but I found myself not wanting to leave. I’d promised myself when we first met that I’d protect you.” Jiraya says sincerely, Naruto gazes at his godfather with gentle blue eyes, words like a soothing balm amongst the endless waves of hurt and grief.

“Kid, there wasn’t a single day since the day we met that I wasn’t happy to be with you, around you. Not a single day I didn’t think about you. The times I left after we came back to the village were always for gathering information about the Akatsuki. It was always for you. When I got information about the leader of the Akatsuki in the hidden rain, I knew I had to find out more, they were after my godson, of course I had to go. I hadn’t intended to fight, I just wanted information but one thing led to another. You’re right, I could’ve run and the elder toads told me to run, but I knew. I knew that no one would get this chance ever again and they were after YOU, how could I not do everything possible to save you. From the second we met, I knew I’d give myself up to save you. I spent my life running, I was sick of running away. I knew that if I stayed, I was running straight for death, but I knew I could try to save you, so the voice was as obvious as breathing.” Jiraya says softly, Naruto looks at him. “I was waiting for you to come home though … I never wanted that, I’d rather have you” Naruto whispers and Jiraya smiles sadly “Gaki, if there’d been ANY other way, any way at all to get the information I got while being able to come home to you, I would’ve. But giving you the best chance, helping to save you in any way was always going to be worth it. Plus I wanted to go out in a really cool way” Jiraya laughs but Naruto doesn’t think it’s funny “THAT’S NOT FUNNY YOU KNOW … DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS FOR ME ? HOW MUCH I MISS YOU ? HOW MUCH I KEEP WAITING FOR YOU TO TURN UP ON ONE OF THE TOADS? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT HURTS ? HOW GUILTY I ALWAYS FEEL?” Naruto yells, the sage frowns “Why would you feel guilty ? Guilty that I went for your sake? Gosh, you’re really stupid.” Jiraya teases but pulls Naruto in for a side hug. “I made my own choices, sure, I made them with you in mind but it was still my choice. Don’t feel guilty for my own choices. As I said I always wanted to go out cooly, instead of dying as just the once legendary sanin who became more known for his pervy books, I got to go out fighting a damn good fight, fighting to save and protect the one I cared about most, I got to finish my story protecting my godson, the one who would continue my story.” Jiraya says in satisfaction. “My last thoughts were of you kid” large, comforting lands on Naruto’s head. “I thought that I could finally leave the rest to you, that I redeemed myself for all I’d run away from. That I hadn’t run away. I saw your face as I closed my eyes and there was no other way I wanted it to go. Kid, there was no one else I cared about as much as I care about you. I’m so proud of you, you have so much more to get through but I know you can do it. After all, I trained you so you can’t smear my name” the toad sage laughs that loud laugh that is carved into Naruto’s heart.

Naruto’s breath stutters “I miss you so much. I dream of you lots, it’s mostly memories. I’ve been longing to talk to you like this, to hear you again. I miss you every day, some days are okay and some days I feel like I’ve drowned again. It’s never ending. Kakashi sensei said it was okay to miss you forever. I want to keep missing you, but I don’t want to worry you or make you sad.” Naruto confesses “But I miss you so much and sometimes I forget you’re dead. Like , I’ll see something funny and I immediately want to tell you, or I manage to get a move I’ve been trying to perfect and I want to tell you first. After I defeated Nagato, you’re the first person I wanted but you’re gone and I know I’ll wake up and you’ll be gone and … ero-senin, I miss you so much” Naruto whispers, voice trembling. The toad sage sighs softly, pulling his godson close. “As long as you keep doing what you do, I’ll always live on in you. I’m always watching over you, no matter where you go and what you do. I’m always proud of you regardless of what happens. I want you to keep missing me” his godfather declares “It makes me feel good, knowing how much you admire me” Jiraya laughs loudly and Naruto shoves him halfheartedly “I'm kidding, I’m kidding. But seriously, it’s okay Naruto, we don’t forget people we love. So it’s okay to keep missing me. But promise me you won’t be sad for too long each time. If you get too sad, or you miss me too much, don’t bear it all alone. Talk about me to your friends, tell them what I was like. Or talk to your smart sensei, that brat probably has a million stories for you. Or go see Tsunade-hime, missing someone together is always easier than missing someone alone. It’s okay to miss me, and it’s okay to be sad. Just don’t do it alone okay?” Jiraya says, looking into his godson’s eyes. Wanting to commit them to memory. Naruto nods, hugging his godfather tight.

It’s starting to get hot again, and uncomfortable “What’s happening .. ero-senin” Naruto panics, clutching onto his godfather “It’s okay gaki, you’re just waking up. Don’t worry. I know you’re in pain but it’s just the fox. He’s actually helping you, just let it be. It’ll get better” the toad soothes but he’s getting softer and it’s hot hot hot again. “Wait wait ERO-SENIN” Naruto yells. He hears that laugh he’ll never forget “Don’t worry kid, I’ll come see you soon AND BE GOOD TO YOUR SENSEI” he yells back in that teasing tone. It’s hot again, and he thinks he might be crying again. But it’s hot and uncomfortable and his eyes fly open, hazy and disoriented but over the roaring in his ears comes that lazy drawl he’s known for years. “Sensei” Naruto says hoarsely and he hears that lazy hum. Kakashi sensei, Naruto thinks. Safe, he thinks. Lets his head fall against the shoulder that’s been catching him for years and years. Kakashi closes his book. He’d managed to sleep for a few hours after Naruto woke up, it was close to 2pm now and Tsunade had been in a while ago, saying everything was alright, but the boy would probably have some spikes in temperature every now and then. “You’re alright pup, you’re alright” Kakashi soothes softly. Kakashi had been by the window reading when Naruto started shifting around 10 minutes ago, getting more agitated before Kakashi climbed in behind him again. Naruto blinks blearily, god he was so tired but he’s sure he’s been sleeping for hours. “You think you can eat something?” Kakashi asks softly, the boy hesitates before he nods. “Just try your best okay?” Kakashi says leaning over to open a thermos of soup that Sakura had dropped by with from Choji. Kakashi feeds the tired teen since his hands were shaking. It’s a comfortable silence as Naruto eats before he leans back, clearly had enough. Kakashi frowns but doesn’t comment. He’d eaten less than half, at this rate the boy’s weight would drop rapidly. His metabolism was already insanely high because of the kyuubi. “You alright?” Kakashi asks, wiping his kid’s face with a wet cloth, clearing off the tears and sweat. Naruto looks at him and nods slightly after a second “What’s wrong with me?” Naruto asks “Ero-senin said it was the kyuubi and the kyuubi said he was saving my life” he asks tiredly and Kakashi pauses. Jiraya ? the Kyuubi? Kakashi chalks Jiraya up to a dream but the kyuubi was concerning “Did the nine tails do anything?” Kakashi asks calmly but the kid shakes his head “He kicked me out, said he was saving me and he was busy” Naruto says, Kakashi guesses Tsunade was right, the fox was helping Naruto though putting him through it at the same time. “You , pup, didn’t go get checked out after you came back from your talk with Nagato. You did some damage to yourself, the nine tails is trying to heal you fast, but the added chakra is making you hot and have a fever” Kakashi explains slowly. Naruto nods after a while “Oh, no wonder ero-senin said the kyuubi was helping and that i’d be okay” the boys sighs softly. “What’re you doing here sensei?” Naruto asks, head tipping to the side. Kakashi just looks at him ‘Mah mah, I’m your sensei aren’t I? I’ve been tasked with looking after you. You don’t want to let your sensei off without any work do you?” Kakashi teases, the boy chuckles softly, shaking his head slightly.

“Sensei” Naruto murmurs softly and Kakashi hums “I had a dream that didn’t feel like a dream. I was talking to ero-senin but for real this time, like … like he was really here talking to me” Naruto says “yeah ? was it good?” Kakashi asks, calmly stroking the boy's hair. “Mmmm yeah, he said it was okay to miss him and that it’s okay if I’m sad. He said I wasn’t allowed to be sad alone, to talk about him to the others, or to miss him with baa-chan, or to tell his stories to you, that you have millions to tell me” his kid leans into the affection. Kakashi snorts silently “Yeah I have lots of stories I can tell you. Jiraya-sama is smart, and he cares a lot about you” Kakashi says softly “I know” comes the soft response “He said he’d been running his whole life, so at the end he wasn’t going to run, that he was doing it for me because he loved me. That I made him stop running, that he was thinking of me all the way” Naruto says quietly, shifting to lie on his side to face his sensei who was crouched next to the bed. “It made me feel better but it also made me sad. I think I’ll be sad and miss him forever. I hope I dream of him lots” he whispers. Kakashi just hums softly “That’s alright. Jiraya-sama said it was alright, just don’t do it alone. I’m sure Jiraya-sama will visit you lots in your dreams, and you can tell him everything you want” Kakashi says softly watching the blue eyes blink tiredly “Rest now pup, I’ve got you” he soothes softly “ero-senin … he said … be good to you” the blonde slurs quietly “I’ll be good … to you sensei … don’t worry … i’ll” the boy trails off as he falls asleep. Kakashi looks at the kid fondly. If only his pup knew, he didn’t have to do anything, Kakashi was already so utterly undeserving of the kid. Kakashi would spend the whole time making it up to him. Kakashi holds the boy close in a side hug, letting Naruto rest his head on his chest as he opens his book, watching over silently again.

Chapter Text

Naruto stayed more or less asleep for the next few days, steadily healing but with no signs of the fever breaking despite the nin-tails chakra slowly receding. Tsunade had said that it was just the boy’s body dealing with the immense strain it’d been under. Sakura had been by often to visit, just to sit with Naruto while Kakashi had to leave to do a few things, but Kakashi was never gone for more than a few hours, too anxious to leave his kid’s side for too long. Naruto as well slipped in and out of sleep, confused between the present and dreams or memories, but one thing was certain, he knew his sensei had stayed steadfastly by his side. Through the haze of confusion, overwhelming heat, or sudden chills, his sensei had been by his side, comforting hand in his hair, or letting him lean against his shoulder in his sleep. Every time he was restless or woke up with his heart beating too fast, his sensei had been right by his side comforting him, soothing him back to sleep. He knows, knows how hard his sensei must be trying with him, knows how hard this must be for his sensei who has an aversion for physical contact. He wants to tell his sensei that he doesn’t have to try so hard, that there’s nothing to make up for, but his brain is too foggy and he’s not awake for long. When he’s more conscious, he tells himself, he’ll tell his sensei everything then.

Kakashi watches the sleeping blonde from his perch by the window. He knows, there’s so many things still left unsaid, in the wake of everything. Kakashi knows, knows how many apologies he owes to this child, how many things he has to say he’s sorry for. For not being there for most of his life, for seemingly ignoring him and casting him aside, for not being the person he was meant to be in Naruto’s life. Kakashi has a lot of regrets, A LOT of regrets when it comes to team 7, his kids. Kakashi had once thought he’d have no regrets greater than Rin and Obito, but here he was. His regrets towards his kids far surpassed anything, for a while Kakashi wonders whether this was how Minato sensei must’ve felt. Wonders if Minato sensei also had this much overwhelming guilt when Obito died then Rin. Not for the first time, Kakashi wishes his sensei was here. He’d know what to do and say to his son, he’d know how to help Naruto and Sakura after Sasuke left, his sensei would know what to say to him to make him not feel like a total, utter failure. God he wishes Minato sensei was here. But here he is, facing loss but he’s not the child, he’s the sensei and his kids are looking at him like he used to look at Minato sensei and god knows that he is no Namikaze Minato. Kakashi thinks that if Rin or Obito were here, in his position, they’d have done a much better job than he did. Kakashi looks over at his sensei’s child and Kakashi closes his eye. Where could Kakashi even start with Naruto, how could he even begin to explain to him. How could he even start to tell Naruto about who he was meant to be in the blonde’s life.

There are demons and there’s the past that Kakashi can’t outrun, shadows he’d set on his kids without meaning to. Demons and ghosts that Kakashi clings to even though he shouldn’t, as though he shouldn’t dare to think about living freely and happily. He knows, he knows deep down how he feels about the kids, he couldn’t even deny it, but somehow, he can’t bring himself to say it out loud either. But these kids, Kakashi can’t begin to imagine how the kids must feel about him, through all his shortcomings. Through all the ways he’s failed them all, individually and as a team. Kakashi’s a masochist though, revels in the pain he feels by his own hand, always torturing himself no matter what. A part of him knows, knows that Sauske leaving had nothing to do with him, that at the end of the day, there wasn’t anything Kakashi could’ve said to or done to his raven kid that would’ve changed the outcome, Kakashi knows - if he’d been Sasuke, perhaps the outcome would’ve been the same. At the same time, Kakashi was there, he was filled with despair and hatred but Minato sensei came along and then Rin and Obito appeared and slowly he found himself inching out of the darkness. But, Kakashi guesses that he didn’t have an older brother to direct all his anger at, didn’t have an older brother who forced him to see everything and told him to live for revenge so perhaps there really wasn’t anything Kakashi could do. Still, traitor or not, betrayer or not, the raven was still one of his kids, the fact never changed. Sasuke had still been someone that Kakashi had trained and grown fond of, grown to care for. He’d seen a lot of himself in the kid and maybe that was why at times, he offered extra care, extra support. Back then he didn’t really think, didn’t think how it’d affect anything, though he knows in the back of his mind, he could see the other two with resigned looks in their eyes as though it was so normal, he can see the blonde at 12 when he realised Kakashi was pawning him off because he’d chosen Sasuke, he can see the pink haired girl cast aside in the face of the two boys, he can see his girl with eyes searching for him in the village after both boys left. Kakashi sighs again. No one told him being a sensei would be this hard.

He selfishly lets himself think for a second that he hadn’t even wanted these kids, he’d been forced to take them, he’d been determined to not let them in, to let him and themselves all go through the motions. Emotions don’t work like that unfortunately, things don’t go as you want no matter how hard you will it too. Despite himself, he grew fond of them, cared for them and all those things he wouldn’t admit. He’d forgotten in his own lost childhood, how innocent childlike trust was, how easy it was to earn it with a few words of encouragement or the odd hand of comfort. How easy it was to earn that unshakable trust no matter how undeserving. Although if Kakashi was smarter, he should’ve seen it coming. He was absolutely set on disliking Minato sensei no matter how much he respected the legend. Scowled at all his sensei’s offers of comfort and encouragement, every shared meal forced upon him. Minato sensei never faltered, as always a steady presence to Kakashi, a solace for him to run to. Minato sensei had earnt his trust and that trust and love never went away even if it’s been 16 years since he’s seen his sensei. So maybe Kakashi was dumb for not realising he’d grow to be fond of his own team. But again, he’s no Minato sensei, could never live up to that. Kakashi had been blessed with the kindest, most selfless and loving sensei, somehow, he’d turned out the exact opposite. His kids didn’t deserve him. Kakashi thinks of the other sensei, he thinks of Guy and Kurenai and Asuma, he thinks about how he paled in comparison to the rest of them. Clearly Guy had stuck up for Lee every step of the way, helped Tenten gain confidence and clearly Guy had done what Sasuke couldn’t, managed to soften Neji’s heart so filled with hatred and discontent. Kurenai had done wonders for her team, with all three she’d brought out confidence and gave endless emotional encouragement and support. Asuma … if only he could see his kids, bound by love and devotion for their sensei, bound the unshakable bonds of the Ino-Shika-Cho trio that Asuma had fostered. What’d he done ? nothing that’s what. But deep down in Kakashi’s heart he sees the three kids as small genin, sees the way they were codependent even if none of them admitted it. Kakashi was the only one to see his kids for who they were, he was the only one who’s seen underneath the brooding Uchiha, behind the loud, rude blonde child, and beyond Sakura’s fangirl ways. He was the one who’d seen them all come out of their shells, especially the two boys so tentative and careful, with his girl holding steady in between. He was the one who’d seen them be the kids they truly were. How was Kakashi supposed to explain that ? Kakashi would never take credit for any of them, but a selfish part of him believes he’d done some good under all the bad. But the weight of how much he’d fallen short stops him from trying to explain. Kakashi can’t lie when people call them the second coming of the sanin and say he’s not bitter. Can’t explain the twinge he feels when people say they were trained by the sanin, Kakashi wants to yell and say he trained them too but he also has no rights. Not when he’s fallen so short.

Kakashi looks at Naruto again and sighs. So many things he wants to tell him but doesn’t know where to start or how to bring it up. Kakashi knows the boy is too sweet to bring it up, probably doesn’t realise he’s even owed any apologies or explanations. For the kid who had nothing and fought so hard for friendships and bonds, he probably doesn’t even realise that for all the apologies he sprouts, he’s the one who is owed the biggest one by practically everyone. Kakashi wants to shake the boy and make him see how much more he deserves than what he just accepts from everyone. Kakashi can guarantee no villager would ever apologise for how they treated the boy, and he can guarantee that the ninja who scowled at the boy when he was younger wouldn’t either. Kakashi silently crouches by the boy’s bed, placing a hand on the still too hot forehead. He’d been a bit better recently, Tsunade saying that he was practically healed and the nine tails chakra was receding already, but all the strain had sent the boy’s body into over drive, fever persisting and showing symptoms of the flu that Tsunade said they should just let run its course. There’s so much that the kid didn’t deserve. He didn’t deserve the way his childhood was - doesn’t deserve the ridicule and abuse he faced at the hand of the villagers, with everyone else turning a blind eye or looking at the seemingly loud and happy child through rose coloured glasses, he didn't deserve to grow up without love and care and comfort - something Kakashi was directly responsible for, he didn’t deserve to fight so hard to form bonds with his friends whose parents’ behavior indirectly influenced how other kids treated him, didn’t deserve to be seen as the dumb, loud, rude nine tailed kid - he should’ve been hailed as a hero, as a child all alone in the world with no one seeming to care, he didn’t deserve to be hunted down like an animal over something he didn't have a choice in, he didn’t deserve to lose his godfather. Most of all, he didn’t deserve all the weight he carried on his shoulders for the sake of everyone. He should’ve known that it was okay to not be bright and happy all of the time. He should’ve known that it was okay to be sad and down, he should’ve known that he was allowed to fall apart. More than anything, everyone seemed to forget that behind his growth and behind his strength, at heart he was still that child, all alone in the world with no one caring if he disappeared. Kakashi should’ve seen. Had taken his growth at face value. Kakashi knows first hand, that kind of trauma never leaves and Naruto was a class act at hiding his true feelings, at saying a whole bunch of nothing to throw people off his tail. Kakashi looks at the teen who was still so much like a child, whose heart, though big and welcoming, was still hurt from unhealed pains that no one seemed to care about. Perhaps he was still that child inside, thinking he was all alone in this world. Everyone had looked at him through rose coloured glasses once more. Thinking that he’d gotten over his childhood and all his losses. Kakashi knows more than anyone that when you pile loss upon loss upon loss, you eventually crumble. It’s what sent him on suicide ANBU missions time after time, had it not been for Guy and the rest, he may still have been there, if the third hadn’t pulled him from ANBU who knows. But Kakashi was lucky, as much as he hated it, people had always seen and acknowledged his pain, his losses. No one seemed to be doing that for Naruto. It was Kakashi’s job, as his sensei, to look after the well-being, physical and mental of his students. He’d failed at every turn. Kakashi wasn’t going to fail the kid again. His own horrors and ghosts and demons aside, Kakashi may be 16 years too late but he needs to step up and be better. To give the apologies no one seemed to care about giving, to force the kid wide open. People thought Sasuke was the closed off one but it was his blonde, whose defences were so sky high Kakashi wonders if the boy tricked himself into believing them himself. No, Kakashi wouldn’t let him do it anymore, he’d reach all the way in and pull that scared, lonely child out and hug him so close. Kakashi wasn’t going to let Naruto continue to believe that he mattered less than anyone, that he had to be happy all the time for people to stay. Kakashi was going to do what he should’ve done 16 years ago. Kakashi lays a hand on the hot forehead, resolves hardening, cementing itself. Kakashi would help his kid through this illness and then he’d crack Naruto wide open and then help piece it all together again.

Chapter Text

Naruto’s confused, the past few days a blur. Filled with hazy memories of the present and vivid ones of the past. It’s not that hot anymore, in fact he’s kid of freezing. His body aches in a different way than the usual bruises and breaks he’s used to. It’s all a blue and truth be told, Naruto can’t really separate what’s real and what was a dream. Memories had flicked through his brain like a reel - from ero-senin to Sasuke to team 7 to his childhood. It was all so confusing, mixed with the blur of the present, of Sakura and baa-chan and his sensei, of warmth and protection and the vague taste of soup and gentle coaxing to take medicine. Naruto’s so confused, he doesn’t think he’s been this confused in his life. He knows now, before the searing heat and the pains were from injuries, from the kyuubi pushing him to heal him. For its own sake and his sake, not that the tailed beast would admit it. Now though, the freezing chills and the bone deep aches, he knows he’s sick. He recognises the chills and the aches and he hates it, hates being sick. The kyuubi ensured he was healthy 95% of the time, but sometimes he’d inevitably come down with the flu and he hated it. He remembers when he’d get sick when he was younger, there’d never been anyone for as long as he could remember. He remembers being sick and the dizziness and the fevers and the aches he didn’t know how to fix, with no one to help him or soothe him or comfort him. He remembers the fear that came with being sick, he’d be easier to track down, to hurt when he couldn’t sense, couldn’t run away. Being sick always made him miserable in every sense of the word, made him scared and uncomfortable. At the back of his mind he knows, he’s not a kid anymore, and no one would hurt him anymore but he can’t help it, can’t help his innate reactions when he’s sick, the way he can’t hide anything when he’s too out of it. He knows, he has his sensei and baa-chan and his friends but still, Naruto can’t help but feel like that small helpless kid when he gets sick.

Blue eyes flicker open blearily with a soft groan. Naruto takes in his surroundings, more aware than he had been over the last few days but so utterly exhausted. He really doesn’t remember much except his sensei being here, but even then he’s not sure if he dreamt it. But he’s sure, he’s so sure of that familiar hand on his head, that comforting lazy drawl of his sensei, he’s so sure. Before he can process it, there’s that hand again, brushing back his sweaty locks from his forehead, can’t help the way he leans into the hand. He was right it seems, his sensei was indeed here. “Sensei?” Naruto murmurs softly, hazy eyes locking into the lone gray one, the one that he’d always sought out since the day they’d met. His sensei hums, seemingly uncaring, eyes still on his book but Naruto knows, knows that his sensei is clocking every small detail even if it doesn’t seem like it. Is used to the seemingly uncaring and aloof copy nin. After all, no one knew him as Kakashi sensei, not in the way he and Sakura and Sasuke knew. Naruto blinks slowly at his sensei, soaking up the silent comfort and affection. Naruto tries to think of something to say, but his brain is still hazy and he’s still kind of confused. “Mah mah, why’re you thinking so hard pup” his sensei drawls lazily “it’s not like you” he teases. Naruto gives him a small smile, one of his genuine ones that Kakashi can’t help but burn it into his memories. Kakashi shuts his book with a small snap, looking at his kid. It’s the first time the boy’d been actually conscious since he first passed out a few days ago, the only other time was when the kid had been semi conscious waking up from a dream about his godfather. Kakashi’s hand doesn’t stop moving in soothing strokes through the kid’s hair “How are you feeling?” he asks, keeping his tone in that normal lazy drawl, trying not to give away the tsunami of worry that’d been pressing down on him since his pup went unconscious, Naruto blinks slowly “M’okay” he murmurs, not wanting to worry his sensei. Naruto’s too smart, too socially aware, can see the worry in his sensei’s eye that no one else would be able to discern. He knows he must be worrying tons of people if he’s right and it seems like he’s been out for a while. Naruto hates to think that he’s causing worry for people after something as devastating as the entire village being destroyed. There were so many things going on right now, because of him, that Naruto hates thinking he’s causing more harm, thoughts being cut off by the hand that gently presses on his forehead.

Kakashi can see the blue eyes faltering, the way the boy’s brain is playing catch up and he hates it. Hates knowing and seeing the kid trying to downplay how he feels and his condition. It makes Kakashi’s heart stutter, truly this child was so utterly stupid but selfless and kind and too pure for the world that’s hunting him down and people who pretend to care. Kakashi internalises a sigh, gently pressing on the boy's forehead watching the blue eyes focus back on him. “Stop thinking so hard pup, everything’s fine. No one’s upset. Worried? Yeah, but that’s because tons of people care about you” Kakashi says soothingly, watching the blue eyes avert themselves from his gaze. “I know you mustn't be feeling well and that’s fine. Tsunade-sama said it’ll take time before you’re back to a hundred, and to take all the time you need” Kakashi says softly. “I should be helping” comes the mumbled response and Kakashi wants to snort out loud “You’ve already done enough pup, no one is expecting you to do anything, you saved EVERYONE, I’m pretty sure that’s more than enough.” Kakashi says, gently carding a hand through the blonde locks again. “I feel bad” the teen mumbles again and Kakashi sighs “Why do you feel bad hm?” “I feel like I caused this mess so I should fix it” he mumbles again. “How could you have caused this ? Did you ask for the nine tails to be sealed inside you?” Kakashi asks, there’s a small shake of the head “Did you ask them to come after you?” another shake “Did you ask them to come and destroy Konoha?” another shake. “You didn’t ask for any of this pup, so how could it be your fault ? how could it be on you?” Kakashi asks, Naruto looks at his sensei, heart tightening. He knew that, he knew that all realistically but still “But still” he whispers looking at his sensei as though his sensei could absolve him. “You’re too kind pup, too kind and sweet and selfless with a heart way too big.” his sensei says, eye smiling gently “It’s not a bad thing, but you could be a bit selfish sometimes” his sensei says quietly. The way Naruto looks at Kakashi makes that kunai in his heart twist again, this kid shouldn’t look like that over something so simple, words that he should know intrinsically. Kakashi wants to say more, but knows he should wait for the kid to get better, now his priority was making sure he was okay and on the mend.

“Now, how’re you feeling?” Kakashi asks again. Naruto just swallows, wanting to say he was fine. But alas, his sensei was one of two people he’d never been able to lie to, the other being ero-senin. His mouth opens then closes before he murmurs “I’m cold and achy and a bit dizzy. Everything's a bit hazy and confusing.” Naruto looks down “I’m sick right ? like different sick from before, actually sick?” Kakashi just hums in response, cataloguing his answers to relay to Tsunade. “Yeah pup, before it was injuries and the nin-tails doing but thankfully that’s all healed and the nine tails chakra has receded, Tsunade-sama said your body has been through a lot so now you’re just plain old sick.” Kakashi drawls softly “You always go all out don’t you” Kakashi jokes but he gets a small smile in return so he counts it as a victory.

Realistically, Naruto knew all of that, didn’t make it any less frustrating though, hates the way his brain immediately kicks into fight or flight mode, flight being the most pressing response. He tries to calm himself but knows his sensei is sharp, and would notice any small reaction from him. That comforting hand lands back in his hair again, as though his sensei could sense his tenseness. Kakashi regards his student, eyeing the kid’s reaction to being sick. He wasn’t whining or anything, he looked scared and apprehensive, Kakashi hates all the reasons that fly through his brian, hates even more that he’s probably right. Kakashi has a feeling for the boy’s reaction - never having anyone to rely on, fear of being hurt and the list goes on. Kakashi internalises another sigh again. “You have to stay here for until you’re better, hokage’s orders” Kakashi drawls lazily but Naruto tenses, he knows things are different but can’t help the thoughts that run through his brain - ‘what if the villagers find him … god forbid ninja who don’t like him find him. He doesn’t know where anything is, how will he take care of himself, how …’ Naruto’s eyes flick around landing on the window weighing his options but a hand lands on his shoulder. “Don’t even try pup, I’m under strict instructions to watch over you” comes the lazy drawl and Naruto stiffens “huh?” Kakashi hates that, hates the way the kid is so confused, as though the thought of people watching out for him was so foreign. Kakashi hates that maybe it was, “You don’t need to go anywhere, I’m here, I’ll take care of you. Sakura comes by once a day at least and so does Tsunade-sama. The rest of your friends have been in and out too” Kakashi says, he wants to erase the confusion in the teen’s face. “You’re not alone Naruto, I won’t leave” Kakashi says firmly. Naruto’s eyes flick to his sensei, “you don’t have to i-” “I want to” his sensei shrugs and Naruto’s jaw clicks shut. “I’m your sensei” Kakashi says, and Naruto just blinks at him. It seemed like that, more than anything, seemed to comfort the boy. It makes Kakashi’s breath hitch at how much the boy trusted him, it spoke volumes and Kaakashi was so wholly undeserving of it all.

Naruto’s still on edge but at his sensei’s words he relaxes a fraction. It was true, Kakashi was his sensei. His sensei who made him eat vegetables and checked up on him seemingly by accident but Naruto knew, his sensei who’d carried him on his back, chased him down to make sure he was okay. His sensei who had always been so extraordinarily giving when it came to the three of them. Despite his sensei’s lazy ways and emotionally stunted being, his sensei had always done right by him. His sensei never went back on his words, never lied to him. So Naruto lets himself believe it. Lets himself believe in his sensei and his sensei’s love even if said sensei couldn’t admit it. He knew, they all knew, had always known. “Rest now pup, you must be exhausted” his sensei says quietly, soothing him, hand brushing his hair back again. Naruto’s eyes flutter. “You'll be here when I wake up?” he mutters, knowing how childish it sounds, wants to take it back but his sensei hums in confirmation and his heart settles again. “Hate being sick” he mumbles as he loses his fight with sleep “M always scared and alone and” he slurs eyes shutting against his will.

Kakashi looks at his pup, now asleep again. Can’t get the childish request out of his brain, how in that moment Naruto had seemed so utterly young, the child Kakashi knew he still was. Naruto’s words bounce around Kakashi’s brain and Kakashi’s grip on his book tightens at the implications. No one would harm his kid, not on his watch. Not now, not ever. Naruto would never be alone ever again, Kakashi would make sure of it. Kakashi would make the boy see how loved he was and how unconditional that love was. No, his kid would never be scared ever again, he’d never be alone ever again. Kakashi was late, as always but now he was here. Not even a god could tear him away. Kakashi settles beside the bed again, emotions rising to the surface once more and for once, Kakashi doesn’t try to push it all down.

Chapter Text

Naruto is running, shouts of angry villagers chasing after him. More than that a stray kunai here and there and Naruto’s heart races, he was only 5, he couldn't outrun ninja. There’s adrenaline and fear pumping through his veins as he stumbles through the streets, ducking into back alleys. He tries, he really does but he can’t get away, no matter where he goes, people are after him. He doesn’t understand, they call him demon and all those things but he doesn’t get it. He hasn’t done anything, he swears he hasn’t. He’d just been trying to buy food, why was this happening to him. He doesn’t understand and no one tells him anything. Not the jiji-hokage , not anyone. He swears he’s not a bad kid … maybe he shouldn’t play that many pranks but he swears. He’d never steal and he’d never hurt anyone so why … Why does everyone always act like he will ? Naruto flew down familiar pathways and streets he knew like the back of his hand. He was trying hard to ignore the calls of the mob chasing him relentlessly with sticks and stones. He felt a few pelts in the head and hitting his body but he couldn’t stop no matter how much it hurt. He was trying to get home, but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get home. He could hear them, they were getting closer and closer, he tried harder, muscles burning as he ran with all his might. He turns a corner, and trips and goes flying into a wall. He’s disoriented and dizzy and everything hurts. He hears them, the villagers, they had him cornered now and there was nothing he could do. He peaks up and sees the malicious glints in their eyes. He doesn’t understand why no one ever comes and stops them, why no one ever intervenes, he doesn’t understand any of it. “No, please stop” he cries curling up into a ball, small hands coming up to protect his head. Then hands were on him, hurting him, punishing him for something he didn’t know. He tried to escape, run, get away and save himself. He wanted to tell them, convince them that he wasn't a monster, but the only thing he could do was cry out; struggling in vain against the hands and weapons that caused cuts and bruises. He manages to get up, and tries running. For a second, he makes it a few steps but nothing good ever lasts when he’s grabbed again and he can’t get away no matter how hard he tries. He can’t help the scream that rips out of him as his eyes blow wide open unseeing.

Kakashi’s eye had snapped open at the first hint of the blonde shifting around in his sleep. At first, Kakashi had thought he was hurt, or something was wrong, and quickly got up to be by the kid’s side. Well … something was wrong but it wasn’t physical. The kid still had a raging fever and typical flu symptoms but no, he was shaking and whimpering. Nightmare, Kakashi thinks, placing a hand on Naruto’s forehead. Hot, Kakashi thinks, too hot, his fever must’ve risen. His kid starts shaking and trembling, head whipping side to side, murmuring under his breath. Kakashi tries to rouse the boy, to break him out of his nightmare. But Kakashi knows nightmares too well, doesn’t want to do anything that could push the boy further into his dreams, knows that once they take a hold it’s hard to come out. And for people like them ? Trained shinobi ? It was dangerous, instincts kicked in without knowing it, without meaning to. Accidents could happen if one was careless, Kakashi knew. Kakashi can’t count the number of times he woke up, sweating, phantom pains in his eye seeing Obito, or feeling Rin’s blood on his hand, hearing her soft stutter of his name that no matter how hard he tried the blood wouldn’t come off. Kakashi can’t tell anyone how many times he’d woken up, scream caught in his throat dreaming of the night he found his father. Kakashi was no stranger to nightmares, he’d never wish it on anyone and now his kid was having one and Kakashi didn’t know what to do. “Naruto? Pup?” Kakashi murmured softly into the blonde’s ear hoping to pull him out of his dream. Kakashi tries placing a gentle hand on the kid’s head but clearly it’s the wrong move as the boy jerked away from the touch and Kakashi withdrew his hand as though being burned. Kakashi knows, knows he has to wake the boy or he could just wait and hope the boy scares himself enough to wake up, which sounds awful but was the safer option at this point. Kakashi’s about to sit on the floor when the boy jerks again, moving so fast that Kakashi curses under his breath. The teen is out of the bed, blankets tangling around his legs that sends the kid crashing to the ground but Naruto doesn’t flinch, getting up again. He races for the open window and Kakashi curses again lunging for the boy, tackling him down. Kakashi tried to speak to him, talk him out of whatever fever dream he was in. It didn't have any effect and finally Kakashi sunk to the floor, sitting with his back against the wall, Naruto cocooned against his chest, arms holding the kid’s tightly. Kakashi hooked his legs around Naruto's as they thrashed out, pinning them. He was going to have quite a few bruises as of tomorrow since Naruto wasn’t a small child but none of that mattered right now. After a while, he stopped thrashing but let out a scream, blue eyes blowing wide open, unseeing in their terror.

Naruto tried to thrash again but he was being constricted, about to panic again when he heard it. That lazy drawl he could identify anywhere. Kakashi sensei. His sensei was murmuring words his brain couldn’t process but the lazy drawl comforted him anyways. The constriction not threatening anymore, his sensei was warm and sturdy and comfortable. Naruto’s breath catches as he sinks back against his sensei. Kakashi didn’t know he knew words of comfort like that, Kakashi thought useless words of comfort were simply just that, useless. Of course he’d learnt to soften up when he first became a sensei to the three but he was awkward with emotions and soft words. His kids knew that and didn’t mind at all. But now words pour out of Kakashi as though he knew exactly what to say, offering comfort and love and protection. That Naruto was safe and Kakashi would protect him and keep him safe, that he didn’t have to worry. Kakashi wasn’t good at taking care of anyone, hell he could barely take care of himself. But then he’d been forced these three and he had to learn to care about them, how to help them. Kakashi wasn’t the best, he’d be the first to admit it. But right now ? Holding his kid close, words tumbling out of him that he didn’t know existed ? Naruto was vulnerable and trusting, he felt, for the first time, like he was good enough to protect the kid that was his. He feels Naruto relax in his hold. Heavy, sweaty head tilting and thudding against Kakashi’s shoulder. Kakashi keeps whispering words of comfort and protection into the blonde’s ear.

“Sensei?” Naruto manages to find his voice finally and his sensei hums. He lets his head tip back against that familiar shoulder. Letting the comfort of his sensei wash away the vestiges of fear that coursed through him. “You feeling better now pup?” Kakashi asks softly, not wanting to push the kid to talk. Naruto stays silent for a while but nods. In all honesty, he’s ashamed. Ashamed that he stills gets those nightmares, ashamed that they still affected him. Sure he knows now that the nine-tails inside him was the reason everyone hated him, and really he gets it. He’s not mad at anyone but back then … back then it was awful, it was like he just existed and everyone hated him and he didn’t know why. Getting chased out of stores and things thrown at him and all the sorts and no one said anything. No one helped either, no one intervened or stopped it. He didn’t get it back then, it hurt back then and he’s embarrassed that he still dreams of those times. After all, as he grew up and became a genin, people stopped harassing him since he became a ninja, and now everyone was so nice to him it was scary. He’s ashamed he had those dreams still, that he still gets scared. He’s embarrassed as hell and he doesn’t even know how to explain without sounding like a baby. He wasn’t a child anymore, he was 16 after all. He’d grown up so he hates that these dreams still chased him. Kakashi despises the shame and embarrassment that flits across the kid’s features. As though nightmares were something to be ashamed of. Though Kakashi is a hypocrite because he was ashamed too but still. There was nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to be embarrassed by. The kid had gone through so much in his short 16 years, he was still a child even if he claimed not to be. Kakashi’s hold tightens subconsciously “It’s fine pup, we all get nightmares. There’s nothing to feel bad about” he tries gently but Naruto’s always been stubborn “Hey, I get nightmares too, about the past. Should I be embarrassed and ashamed?” he says instead, blue eyes snap to him immediately “What ? No, of course not. That’s stupid sensei” Naruto says, offended that his sensei would feel bad about getting nightmares “So why are you so hard on yourself hm?” Kakashi asks, brushing the sweaty bangs out of the boy’s eyes. “Becuase your nightmares are all proper scary thing that you can’t help … they’re not stupid like mine” Naruto murmurs. “What makes your nightmares stupid pup” Kakashi asks, treading lightly watching Naruto’s reactions carefully. “I just … they’re stupid memories that I should have gotten over” the boy exclaims frustrated. Kakashi hums softly “Will you tell me what they are ? I’d tell you if your nightmares were silly” Kakashi says. Well that was a lie, he’d never invalidate Naruto but the kid doesn’t need to know that. Naruto thinks for a while, it was true, his sensei was truthful to a fault. “It’s from when I was little, when the villagers would … hurt me” Naruto whispers, as though his worst held secret had been put on blast.

Kakashi tries so hard to hold it together, to not let the fury he feels coursing through him to take over. He’d heard about it, the way the kid was treated all for something he had no control over. Now ? Those villagers hailed him as a god, offering no apologies. Kakashi could kill every last one of them. But for as much fury he feels, it’s with equal parts guilt. Kakashi knows he’d turned a blind eye, accepting ANBU missions to be out of the village more often than in. Pretended as though his sensei’s kid was being taken care of, as though everything was fine. He’d pretended out of selfishness and self preservation. Through it all, Naruto was the one who’d paid the price for it. “I’m so sorry Naruto, I’m so sorry that happened to you, that no one was there to stop it, or to keep you safe. You never deserved any of that” Kakashi says mournfully. Naruto’s breath stops for a second “It’s fine … I know you know ? Now at least, the nine-tails killed so many people and destroyed so much, I have it in me … of course people were going to hate me. Back then I didn’t know, I didn’t get it but now I know. I’m not mad at anyone I just … I should be over it” Naruto whispers helplessly. The kunai in Kakashi’s heart twists again and again. The kid was far too selfless “No, no pup” Kakashi interrupts “No, you have every right to be upset still. It’s … it’s unforgivable the way you were treated Naruto, you’re too kind and sweet but no one should’ve been treated like that. You have saved the village from the day you were born, no different than how you saved Konoha this time. The fox that was sealed inside of you was the one who caused damage and took lives, it has nothing to do with you. You were an unwilling victim and I’m so sorry no one saved you when you saved everyone. You were a child pup, a child. No one should’ve treated you the way they did. And I’m so sorry no one stopped it or stepped up. I’m so sorry you suffered for so long, all alone. You must’ve been so upset and hurt and confused. Pup, it’s not something anyone could get over easily. Don’t be embarrassed or ashamed, it was bad, what happened to you. It was cruel and unfair and it never should’ve happened. You were just a child, who needed someone but had no one. I’m so sorry, Naruto. Never feel like you have to get over it, because it’s not something anyone expects you to just forgive and forget. My poor pup, you were just a child.” Kakashi says gently stroking his pup’s hair. Naruto can feel his breath stuttering at his sensei’s words. His sensei’s validation of his feelings, the things Naruto had spent years pretending was fine. He had been a child, his sensei was right. Naruto can’t help the tears that start to drip down his face, burying his face in his sensei’s shoulder.

Kakashi lets the kid cry until the tears slow and he breathes heavily against him “Shhhh it’s okay pup, you’re okay. I’m here now. No one will hurt you, I won’t let them. Sleep now, you’re safe’ Kakashi murmurs and Naruto lets himself trust his sensei, trust his sensei who he knew would die first then let anything happen on his watch. Kakashi feels the boy lose his battle with sleep. Picking the teen up, muscles protesting but Kakashi doesn’t care. He sets the boy back in the bed, using a damp towel to wipe the boy's face before placing another damp towel on the kid’s forehead. Kakashi sits on the floor, letting his head knock back against the wall. “How will we ever make it up to him?” Kakashi muses. He supposes they never will. Kakashi will spend eternity trying though.

Chapter Text

Kakashi sits vigil by the kid’s bedside, watching for any hints of distress but the boy seems to be out cold which was worrying but not unexpected he guesses. Kakashi reads his book, not really reading but thinking. About the sheer amount the boy had been through, just how much had his kid truly faced without muttering at all. The kid had never complained or whined, never took any of his mistreatment and turned it into anger. How normal had the abuse and mistreatment and ignorance spun ? How could the kid have gone through all of that and turn out how he did. God, he was his parent’s kid alright. Naruto, he’s coming to realise, was cleverer and smarter than anyone had given him credit for. Perhaps because he was so overlooked. The kid’s social cues and understanding was unlike anyone he’d ever seen. The kid was smart and sneaky, able to change his reactions to suit the situation perfectly, so perfectly that even the most trained eye would be fooled. Naruto was exactly what you wanted him to be, in the way that wasn’t form fitting but he played the part so well that Kakashi wasn’t sure anymore. Through the kid’s injuries and recovery, he’d seen snippets of the real Uzumaki Naruto though not on purpose and there was no way to describe the pure heartache Kakashi felt. The kid was so well crafted, so meticulously planned out that there was no flaw, there was no crack, no hole. It wasn’t to say the kid was fake, he wasn’t. His heart was pure and selfless and way too big, that was the truth. But Uzumaki Naruto ? he was this facade that was perfected, if not for this, Kakashi would’ve never known the true extent of how well the kid had hidden. He’d hidden in plain sight, so plain and in your face that no one thought twice. He wasn’t like Sakura who had hidden sides that came out as she got older, nor was he like Sasuke who everyone had worried about so much because the raven had been so angry and bitter. No, Naruto had done the smartest thing, he’d hidden in plain sight. He was loud and present and so … here, that no one doubted him. Kakashi could see now though, through the microscopic chips, the child underneath. How utterly lonely, and hurt and sad that child must be. Naruto had locked himself away, for no one had bothered to reach out before, he’d only ever been met with harsh words and harsher treatment. So why would he let himself be seen ? Out of self-preservation ? Out of fear ? Out of mistrust ? Out of the genuine belief that even now no one cares ? Kakashi thinks it’s all of those combined and more.

The only person who Kakashi thinks has bashed his way through like a wrecking ball was probably Jiraya. After coming back from their training trip, the sage had had drinks with Kakashi. Between drunken inappropriate comments, and unabashed affection for his godson, the legendary nin had admitted on way later in the night that Naruto was worrying. Worrying because of how guarded he was. How clever and smart he was. A huge way the kid acted was a coping and defense mechanism. The sage hadn’t revealed anything, of course, but had warned Kakashi to not let the bright grins fool anyone, nor the loudness. Jiraya had said that the child was hurting, and wouldn’t allow himself to be comforted. Jiraya had confessed that he didn’t know if the child Naruto had locked away would ever be comforted, not fully anyways. Jiraya told Kakashi to find his own way, that Naruto trusted his sensei the most. When Kakashi asked how Jiraya got through, he’d received a grin and said he’d come in swinging like a wrecking ball, unafraid of the consequences. Jiraya said he had big hands and had ripped the kid to shreds. It was hard, the sage told Kakashi but nothing had been more worth it then being let in finally. Almost three years together, every day, side by side would explain their closeness, but you’d have to be blind to miss how deep their bonds ran. Jiraya was Naruto’s godfather, grandfather, father, master all rolled into one. It was clear as day, there wasn’t a single person Jiraya adored more than Naruto, and the pedestal Naruto put his godfather on was impossible to even see. Kakashi thinks about that conversation, and Jiraya’s warnings. That the kid wouldn’t open easily, and that was putting it nicely. If Kakashi was set on breaking in, Kakashi had to be prepared to never look away for a second if not he’d lose the kid entirely. Jiraya had eyed Kakashi with dark eyes promising death should Kakashi even think of betraying the kids' trust, should he be granted it. Kakashi didn’t scare easily, after all he’d been through ? It took a lot to even shake him. But in that moment ? Kakashi had never been more terrified in his life. Kakashi knew and swore he’d never hurt Naruto in any way, eventually the sage had tamped down the killing intent and said he was leaving Naruto in his care, tossing Kakashi a frankly massive wad of cash and said to take care of his godson. Kakashi knew the sage was incredibly wealthy but it was still jarring trying to give it back but the sage had stood and clapped Kakashi on the shoulder saying he should know how much the kid could eat and left it at that as he disappeared into the night his boisterous laughter echoing.

Kakashi nods once, yes, he’d keep his promise to Jiraya. Kakashi doesn’t doubt that should he hurt Naruto, the sage would find a way to come back to drag Kakashi to the afterlife and spend an eternity beating him up. Kakashi was determined though, He was going to bulldoze his way through Naruto’s fortress of defense to find that child, pull him out of the darkness and into his arms and never let him go. No, he wouldn’t let Naruto hide anymore, his kid wasn’t going to suffer alone. Kakashi feels his chest tighten thinking how exhausting it must be for his kid to constantly put up that facade. So worried and attuned to everyone’s feelings, schooling his every reaction to not cause any stress or drama. How unfair it was that the boy who already had the weight of the world on his shoulders was also the one looking out for everyone. And everyone took it for granted as well. Everyone had just happily let themselves be fooled. No, Kakashi wouldn’t allow it anymore. Naruto was a CHILD, HIS CHILD. Kakashi felt this weird heat flowing through him, his heart screaming protect and his brain snarling, wanting to hunt every last person who’d wronged his kid. Too little sleep and all these overwhelming emotions qualifies Kakashi to be a bit insane. But he can’t find it in himself to care. His past actions needed to be atoned for that’s for sure, and now ? As the seconds tick by as Kakashi is seeing for the first time, Kakashi would kill anyone who even looked at his kid wrong. Kakashi had wronged the kid so badly, overlooked and pushed him aside with rose coloured glasses, ignoring the child out of selfishness. He’d tried to excuse himself as traumatised, he was but excuses nonetheless. Taken out on a child so innocent in everything. Kakashi wholeheartedly despises himself for letting the ghosts take precedence over the one in front of him. Kakashi had ignored the child, pushed him away for not being the right person, for being too much like the person he longed for the most, for being enough to make Kakashi’s heart split open every time but not enough to mend it. His sensei is going to kill him and Kakashi will let him. No, Kakashi’s amendment and atonement starts now. He was going to pry the kid open, split him right down the middle, claw his way in and pull the lonely child out and wrap him up and never let go. Kakashi’s heart burns with determination, to make things right, to make things better. His pup had spent his whole life being selfless. Now ? Kakashi was going to let the kid be as selfish as he pleased. Naruto could kick and punch and scream and cry and run but Kakashi would follow. He’d force the kid to see and believe he wasn’t going anywhere. That Kakashi will take care of him for the rest of his life. The way Kakashi should’ve done years ago. Kakashi sends another promise into the universe, to his sensei and Kushina and Jiraya - ‘This time, for sure. I’ll protect him and take care of him. You can all kill me in the future but I’ve got him now, I swear’

Kakashi realises that there truly was no one more precious to him than his kids. If anyone hurt any of his kids, Kakashi would probably go absolutely insane. Yeah, Kakashi’s done pretending, he’s done lying to himself. He loves his kids. The admittance doesn’t make him panic like it might’ve even a few months ago. After he’s had very many realisations since he’s come back to life was that he has a second chance that no one gets, ever. He was going to take advantage of it. He'd protect his kids, take care of them. God, when he died there were so many things he wished he’d said, wished he’d done. Especially when it came to his kids. Now ? He has that chance, and he isn’t going to waste it. Maybe Kakashi has gone slightly insane from the lack of sleep and all the emotions he’s letting himself feel after YEARS, but again Kakashi can’t find it in himself to care. Another resolve hardening in his soul, he’d protect his kids with his life, that promise had been made years ago when his kids were tiny and he’d meant it then too. Now ? Oh, now he meant it, if anyone looked at either of his kids wrong, they’d have a kunai through their chest before anyone could blink. He’d killed for his kids before and he will again. He thinks about his wayward raven, and promises to drag the raven home even if he kicks and screams the entire way. Yes, Kakashi will bring his kid home and he’ll have all his pups and all will be right in the world.

Kakashi turns his head to look at the sleeping blonde, replacing the now warm towel with a fresh cool one. Kakashi was ready, to see through all the layers and he wouldn’t waver, not even for a second. Kakashi has spent his life running, just like Jiraya had told Naruto he had as well. Kakashi won’t run anymore, not from Naruto or Sakura, not from Sasuke either. Kakashi was sick and tired of running. He’d found people that up till now, he’d refused to admit fully how precious they were. Kakashi was worried before, about getting attached again, to lose again. No, Kakashi knew, before … even if he still blamed himself, at the back of his mind, a tiny part of him knew there was nothing he could do. But these kids ? His kids ? He was their sensei, the kids had spent far too long being considerate of their sensei, being selfless and kind and genuine. No, Kakashi wasn’t going to let this go on, he was their sensei, he had to take care of them, they were his responsibility. No one mattered more than them, he’d put them first, always. Kakashi swears on his life that no one would harm them, not even themselves. Kakashi truly loved his pups, he wasn’t afraid anymore.

Chapter Text

The morning light streams in and Kakashi’s eye blinks open slowly. He feels exhausted from all the emotions and realisations he’s having but also much calmer and lighter. The kid is still sleeping and Kakashi changes the towel for a fresh one, feeling the boy’s cheeks. Kakashi sighs, still too warm. The door opens and he smiles softly at his girl who walks in. “Sensei” she beams, handing Kakashi some food before she does her own check up on Naruto. She clicks her tongue “His fever is as stubborn as he is” she sighs, placing new flowers in the vase. “How have you been?” Kakashi asks softly, Sakura came when she could but she was busy with hospital things. “Good” she smiles at her sensei “Busy but good. Tsunade-sama and Shizune make me rest and feed me and all those things” she laughs sitting by her sensei on the window. “You okay ? I heard from Tsunade-sama that Naruto’s been very up and down but you’ve been here the whole time. You can leave for a while if you want” she offers but Kakashi just shakes his head and places a comforting hand on her head “Mah mah, I’m fine pup. Plus it means I get to read all day and do nothing” Kakashi teases and Sakura rolls her eyes “Stupid sensei” she murmurs but leans into his hand “You guys know I have a very fearsome reputation right?” Kakashi says amused but it earns him another eye roll “Nah, just our silly sensei” she grins.

They chat for a while and Kakashi coerces her into a nap till lunch time where they eat together and talk more. “Sensei” his girl murmurs from where her head was resting on her sensei’s lap. “Hm?” Kakashi hums and looks down at her. She was grown but still the same, back then, she’d lie like this in his lap while the boys finished their tasks since they always got distracted by fighting. She’d plop down next to her sensei while waiting for her team mates to finish. In Kakashi’s eyes, she’s still that adorable 12 year old with big green eyes. “We’re so lucky that you’re our sensei” she says and Kakashi blinks. “Seriously” Sakura says sitting up and turning to her sensei. “You don’t understand how lucky we feel that you’re our sensei. Naruto and I … we talk about it a lot. How we wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you. The rest of the sensei from our year … they’re all cool and nice but it was like you were meant to be our sensei you know?” She says softly, Kakashi wants to tell her it was the third hokage’s sick game but says nothing. Plus, Kakashi doesn’t think he’s a great sensei. “You’re always so patient with us, and protective of us no matter what. You care about us and love us in your own way. Maybe you think you haven’t shown it but you have. We can all feel it, even back then … Sasuke-kun knew it too. He may not have said anything but we all knew, we all felt the same way about you. We were and still are so lucky to have a sensei who tries so hard for us despite everything. I wouldn’t have had the confidence to seek out Tsunade-sama if not for you, Sasuke-kun wouldn’t have made it as long if you weren’t our sensei. Naruto would’ve been so much lonelier if you weren’t our sensei. You’ve done so much for us and we’ve never thanked you. So I have to say it now, at least once and that’ll never be enough. You're our sensei, nothing will ever change that or change the way we feel about you. At the end of the day … you’re the one we always want to impress and come home to” she says. Sakura knew her silly sensei needed to hear it. She’d seen the change in her sensei since Naruto’s been sick. The way he’s become more open, she knows her sensei and knows how stupid his guilt-complex is for no reason. So she had to tell him, he had to know that neither she nor Naruto were mad or upset about anything from the past. That even if Sasuke tried to deny it, he’d never be able to deny how incredibly patient and kind Kakashi was to him. Her sensei was awkward with emotions but he tried so hard to do right by them, he needed to know that they knew that and they loved him for it.

Kakashi blinks a few times, chest aching with fondness and insecurity. He didn’t deserve the children who’d placed so much grace and faith and love and trust in him, it was scary to be confronted by it. But Kakashi knew he had it and he’d be damned if he let it go unappreciated. “I don't deserve any of you” Kakashi murmurs, pressing a masked kiss to Sakura’s forehead. “I really don’t think I did that much, I lacked in a lot of places, in a lot of ways. All I can do is try to be better and try to make it up to you guys. I promise, I’ll protect you as I have been since I met you all, and that I’ll always be here no matter what. I’m your sensei, I’ll always take care of you” Kakashi murmurs. Sakura’s stunned by her sensei’s swords, the usually emotionally stunted sensei of hers has opened his heart finally and her eyes tear up as she throws herself at her sensei who handles her as easily as he did when she was 12. “Our sensei, forever. Not allowed to leave us ever, we’ll chase you no matter where you go” Sakura murmurs and Kakashi laughs softly “Alright pup, you too okay ? No running away where I can’t track you” he murmurs and she nods.

“She’s right sensei” comes a murmured voice and their heads snap to the blonde who’s struggling to sit up. “Naruto” Sakura gasps and Kakashi appears by his side helping him. Naruto lets his sweaty head lean against Kakashi’s shoulder when Kakashi throws an arm around him. “We’re so lucky to have you as our sensei. Back then, even though Iruka sensei saw me beyond being a jinchuriki, he always just saw me as a child. You were the first one who not only saw beyond the kyuubi but also beyond me being loud and rude” Naruto murmurs, tired but wanting his sensei to know. Sakura plops on Kakashi’s other side, reaching a hand across her sensei to hold Naruto’s hand. “You saw potential that no one else saw, and guided me and cared about me. You never got mad when I got things wrong or messed up. You always encouraged us and cared for us in your own way. I know it was hard for you, with me because of my dad. But you tried your best anyways even if you don’t believe it. I was never upset sensei, I always understood. I knew you were trying even when you were hurting too, and you never took it out on me. You waited for us to come back home to you, and we were able to come back because of that.” Naruto says earnestly “I couldn’t have done any of this if you hadn’t been our sensei. I’d do everything all over again if it meant I got to have you as my sensei” the blonde nods and Kakashi’s heart aches with that same combination of fondness and guilt. He’s wronged Naruto more than anyone and yet the kid was so selfless and kind. “You’re stuck with us sensei” the blonde whisper and Sakura nods as well. “You guys are stuck with me too” Kakashi says, pulling them both closer as Naruto nods off again. He’d have a talk with Naruto later, for now he was content to hold them both close.

Sakura falls asleep again as well and Kakashi doesn’t move. No one prepares a seasoned jounin, let alone someone like him with ANBU background, to have a team of three little kids who look at you with big eyes and offer their hearts out with small hands. Kids are naive though, they’d trust any adult who said the right words and gave gentle affection. Though Kakashi thinks of himself and how far he kept Minato sensei before caving in the face of never ending gentle warmth. Sakura, maybe, back then and was naive enough with her trust but … he can’t say the same about the boys. Children are naive but have good instincts, they don’t trust if their instincts say otherwise. He knows anyways that it took a few months to gain the raven’s trust and a whole after that to gain the blonde’s. Both boys had no reason to trust or believe in Kakashi and yet, over time, they’d given it over. It was scary being in charge of tiny children who look at you and rely on you especially if you’re like Kakashi. But over time they’d done the impossible and made him soft. Now ? he still fears their unwavering love and trust but is even more determined to protect them, to prove himself worthy. His friends were right, his kids had been good for him. Kakashi still feels a pang from seeing the empty space from where the raven would’ve lay but Kakashi wants to believe that one day he’ll have them all again. He’d hold them close like when they were children. The kids sleep till the evening when Kakashi wakes them up and they have dinner together, Naruto feeling better though Sakura warned that his fever would probably spike again. They eat and tell stories, it's comforting and feels like family and it makes Kakashi’s heart spill with affection he doesn’t bother to hide.

Kakashi once again finds himself wholly undeserving of these children. Though part of him starts to heal with their words. It’s funny how he’s supposed to be the one who was mending their hearts and souls and yet here they were, subconsciously healing his. This was what Kakashi need though, he needed to know he hadn’t fucked it up so badly that there was no repairing their relationships, even though Kakashi knew that was never true. It was his sign that it was him, that his kids were patiently waiting for their sensei to come to them. There was a time Kakashi was scared to let anyone in, but they let themselves in and proved time and time again that they were here to stay. Kakashi would stay too. He knew how much more horror was coming and he was ready, he’d lay his life on the line every time to keep them safe. They were healing a heart that they never broke and Kakashi let himself feel that. The weight on these kids, Naruto especially, wasn't fair and there was more weight being added everyday. Kakashi would force the load off of them, he promises. Kakashi would heal their hearts too, he’d always stay. He was their sensei after all, he was lucky to have them as his pups.

Chapter Text

Sakura leaves sometime in the evening planting kisses on Naruto’s forehead and her sensei’s cheek promising to come by again soon before she slips out. “Just you and me pup” Kakashi smiles at the boy who is curled up on the bed blinking softly. He’d been energetic earlier but the second his pink haired team mate left, he slumped down, clearly exhausted. He’d at least managed to shower properly earlier. “You’re still recovering, it’s alright” Kakashi soothes softly, petting the now clean blonde locks, the kid was already starting to feel warm again and Kakashi clicked his tongue. “You always go all out don’t you” Kakashi teases and the boy huffs a soft laugh. “You don’t really have to stay sensei” the blonde murmurs as Kakashi pulls the blanket up around the blonde. Kakashi rolls his eyes “Hokage’s orders” he says “But I’d rather be here anyway, I get to escape missions” Kakashi says which earns him an eye roll. “Stupid sensei” Naruto murmurs teasingly but Kakashi scoffs “Like I told Sakura, I really am quite feared across the nations” Kakashi says but the blonde shakes his head “stupid sensei” he repeats and Kakashi taps the boy’s head lightly in retaliation. “Come on, sleep more. You’re getting better but you still need rest. You know Tsunade-sama won’t let you out of here till your fever goes away for 24 hours” Kakashi says. The hokage had been in earlier to check up on him, though he was getting better the hokage refused to let Naruto go out and about till he was free of a fever for 24 hours, of course Naruto had argued and the two fought a bit but of course the hokage won in the end. “Baa-chan is over reacting” Naruto mumbles and Kakashi rolls his eye this time “If it was Sakura in your position would you let her out of bed?” Kakashi says and the boy doesn’t say anything in defiance. “Come on, go to sleep. It’s quite late already” Kakashi says looking at the clock, it was 11pm. Naruto was awake and conscious for longer periods of time but still got tired easily. This was the latest he’d stayed up since he first passed out more than a week ago. “You’re okay pup, everyone’s okay. I’m here. Go to sleep” Kakashi soothes and the boy gives in, blue eyes fluttering closed.

Naruto’s dreaming again. At least he thinks he is. He’s in the bed and the room that he’s become used to but his sensei isn’t here which is weird since Kakashi sensei was around 24/7. Naruto blinks again and sits up confused when the window slides open but it’s not the familiar jounin. Naruto’s breath hitches. “Sasuke” he breathes out, the raven smirks as he lands in the room and stalks over to the bed with crossed arms. The actions and behaviour so Sasuke that this has to be real, that he’s not dreaming. That Sasuke must’ve slipped into the village since it was still dark out. “How … how did you get here?” Naruto asks. He tries to get out of the bed but he can’t. The Uchiha scoffs “What happened to you, get beat up again?” the raven taunts and the blonde can’t help but get riled up as always “I’ll have you know I won” he huffs. “Sasuke, how did you get in here” Naruto asks seriously, still trying to get out of the bed. “I have my ways” Sasuke says cryptically. Naruto thinks he might be under a genjutsu since he can’t move but it won’t release no matter how hard he tries. But one thing’s for sure he can’t be dreaming. The only question was where was Kakashi sensei ?. “Dobe” Sasuke taunts in that familiar way that makes Naruto’s chest tighten. “Teme” naruto shoots back immediately and Sasuke smirks. “You’ll never get me you know” Sasuke says and Naruto scoffs “I will, I promised Sakura-chan I would, I will drag you back if I have to” Naruto snarls back. But Sasuke looks at him “Yeah ? You couldn’t when we were 12 and back then at Orochimaru’s hideout and now ? You can’t even get out of bed. I could leave right now and what would you tell Sakura and Kakashi and everyone ? That you let me go … again ?” Sasuke taunts and Naruto struggles again and looks down, there are chains binding him to the bed in the form of snakes. When … when did he ? “You teme, I will drag you back, mark my words.”

Sasuke looks at him unimpressed. “How long are you going to disappoint everyone and continue being a dead weight. Look around you dobe, the village ? all because of you. Because of what’s in you” he says pointing his sword at Naruto’s stomach. “Everyone is scrambling and dying because of you, isn’t that why Jiraya died?” the raven taunts and Naruto growls “You don’t know shit teme. You don’t know anything about ero-senin or what happened.” and Sasuke just smirks. A part of Naruto knows Sasuke is right, that a lot of things were happening because of him. It was an undeniable truth no matter what anyone said. He may not have asked for the kyuubi but it was still given to him, was still in him. “If you think about it, if you’d just been better maybe I wouldn’t have needed to leave. Maybe things would be different, maybe I’d still be here with you” the raven says but Naruto calls his bluff as much as it hurts “You’re full of shit you know that ? You know it’s a lie. Your need for revenge and hatred for Itachi was always going to send you running away. We had good times back then, even if you deny them, even if you don’t think they’re true but you know the reality. We went on missions and trainings and hung out and as much as you hate to admit that, we were friends and a family.” Naruto grounds out at his friend. “But you … there was no stopping you” Naruto says bitterly “You always had one foot out of the village, no matter how hard me and Sakura tried, there was no stopping you” the blonde sighs and for a second Sasuke bites his tongue. “You could’ve stopped me, if you’d beaten me 3 years ago” Sasuke says but Naruto shakes his head with another sigh “Maybe, but you would’ve gone anyway. No matter how much we love you, it’s not enough to offset your need for revenge no matter what I say or do” Naruto sighs. “So why are you still trying to bring me home?” Sasuke snarls “Just let me go” he says and Naruto shakes his head glaring at the raven “No, I won’t. Eventually I’ll drag you home so many times you’ll realise you don’t need revenge anymore. Even if you do, you’ll realise that once you’re done, you can still come home. It won’t matter” Naruto insists. “Sasuke … you have people waiting for you to come home, who want you home. Sakura-chan, Kakashi sensei , our friends … me” Naruto says.

Sasuke just scoffs “That’s why you’re so weak. All your stupid sentiments won’t work on me. You saw how strong I am, I killed Orochimaru after I tricked him into teaching me everything. I don’t need a home, nor do I care about you or anyone else.” Naruto clenches his fists fighting against the snakes that bind him to the bed “When is it going to get through your stupid brain that there is more to life than revenge” he growls out “That whole brooding act isn’t as funny as when we were twelve. There is so much more going on than your need for revenge.” Naruto says and Sasuke scoffs “Your fight with the akatsuki isn’t my fight, the only reason I’m after them is to reach Itachi, nothing more. Think about it dobe, you’ve failed time and time again” Sasuke taunts “You keep disappointing people , or getting them killed” he says and Naruto struggles harder, he thinks he might kill Sasuke if he gets free “How much more disappointment do you think it’ll take for Sakura and the rest to give up on you. You promised to bring me back, I’m here and yet, you can’t even get out of bed to keep me here. How many more people have to get killed because of you before people realise you aren’t worth the sacrifice hm? You know Kakashi’s sensei was the 4th and how did he die ? Oh ! protecting you. Jiraya died protecting you too, you think the hokage forgives you ? even if they both say it’s not on you, do you really think that ? You’re not even worth the sacrifice. You keep doing all these useless things and it’s not worth it, you have nothing to show for it and everyone will know” Sasuke taunts “YOU ASSHOLE” Naruto yells “YOU DON’T KNOW SHIT.” he bellows as Sasuke scoffs as he walks towards the window. Panic seizes Naruto instead of anger “WAIT WAIT SASUKE ! TEME ! SASUKE” Naruto screams, and the raven smirks hopping up on the window, Naruto struggles like his life depends on it, was Sasuke really going to slip through his fingers again “SASUKE GET BACK HERE ! SASUKE” he screams, grief bleeding into the screams as the raven looks at him “what are you screaming about it dobe?” he scoffs “SASUKE” he screams till his throat hurts, he feels the tears on his face. All he can do is yell and scream for the raven to stay.

“-to , -ruto, NARUTO STOP ! HE’S NOT HERE” Naruto’s jaw clicks shut as his eyes swim before they clear and he’s being held tight against his sensei. “HE IS ! HE IS ! HE’S RIGHT THERE, SENSEI- SASUKE YOU TEME … HE’S SENSEI- HES THERE ! SASUKE” Naruto struggles for all his might even with heavy limbs and the hot and cold flashes that wreck his body. Still screaming for the raven to not go, struggling to reach out to the raven who just smirks and grunts his signature sound before soundlessly jumping out the window. Naruto screams again, thrashing against his sensei.

Kakashi’s heart is thundering in his chest, holding the flailing teen with all his might. But the kid is delirious and fever is sky high again and is stronger than he thinks. Kakashi had been jerked awake when the blonde suddenly started screaming Sasuke’s name for all of Konoha to hear, the room door had been opened with the hokage appearing but she’d taken one look and left the kid to Kakashi, leaving to make sure the village doesn’t erupt in panic. “Naruto please, please he’s not here. You were dreaming. He’s not here pup. It’s just you and me in Konoha. He’s not here” Kakashi pleads softly into the blonde’s ear. Glassy eyes snap to him from where they’d been looking at the window and he stops screaming “Sensei?” Naruto says hoarsely and Kakashi nods “It’s just me pup” Kakashi says. “He was here” Naruto whispers but Kakashi shakes his head, “No pup, he wasn’t. Your fever spiked, he wasn’t here. He was never here. It was a dream, you were dreaming” Kakashi soothes and the boy looks so lost and heartbroken “But he was … he was just here and he …” the boy crumples, tucking his hot and flushed face against Kakashi’s neck and sobs. Clinging at Kakashi so desperately, as though asking Kakashi to make it right, but Kakashi couldn’t. All he could do was rub the boy’s back and murmur comforting words. “It’s okay, you’re okay. Just breathe for me okay?” Kakashi mumbles against the golden hair as the boy cries and cries and cries and not for the first time does Kakashi curse the raven. Kakashi may love the raven and want him home , but in the face of his other two kids, he couldn’t help the irritation he had for Sasuke.

The boy cries for a long while before the tears subside. Rubbing at his eyes harshly before Kakashi catches his wrists. “Don’t hurt yourself” Kakashi murmurs and the blonde just presses his face against Kakashi, all sweaty and tired, and Kakashi hums softly a mix of comfort and fondness. “You’re okay. Shhhh it’s okay now, you’re okay. I’m here. It’s going to be okay” Kakashi comforts softly, they’re empty platitudes but Kakashi offers them nonetheless. But the trembling blonde shakes his head. “It’s not” the blonde says hoarsely from all the screaming and crying. Kakashi can gather that the boy had been dreaming, so delirious from his fever. Brain materialising the raven he’s been chasing for years. It’d probably felt so real to the kid and hadn’t gone well. “He was right” the blonde whispers, voice warbling. “Everything he said … it’s true” Naruto whispers, feeling the hot tears spill down his face. Kakashi holds the feverish teen tighter. “What did he say pup?” Kakashi asks softly, comfortingly. Wanting to be a steady presence for the terrified teen. “He … he asked me how much longer was I going to be pathetic. That I let him go every time. He said everyone was scrambling around and dying because of me” Naruto whispers, eyes shutting tight and Kakashi can do nothing but rub soothing circles in the boy’s back. “He was right here, right there,” Naruto says, pointing to the end of the bed, eyes still closed. “I tried to reason with him, I said I knew he was after revenge and that even if we tried, he wouldn’t come home till he got that revenge. I tried to reason with him, say that we both knew our time together as a team meant more than he’d ever admit. I told him we were all waiting for him to come back, that he still had a home to come back to.” Naruto says miserably “But he said those sentiments are why he left. That they made me weak, he said he was strong because he didn’t care about those things or us, or having a home. That it made him strong. He said I’ve failed time and time again. That all I do is keep disappointing people or getting them killed. That I’ve failed so many times to bring him home for Sakura-chan that it’s only a matter of time before she gives up on me completely. That I killed ero-senin and my dad” Naruto whispers brokenly and Kakashi can feel the anger rise in him. “That baa-chan and you blame me even if you say you don’t. That I’m not worth their sacrifices. That all I do is useless things that don’t work, that aren’t worth it and it won’t be long till everyone realises” Naruto says voice wavering “And he was right” Naruto finishes eyes opening, blue orbs so dimmed and sad. “I’ve failed at every turn, at every important point. So much sacrifice and loss and for what ? For nothing” Naruto says angrily against Kakashi “It’s only a matter of time before you and Sakura-chan and everyone realises that you’re all fighting for nothing ! To protect me when you should just give me up to the akatsuki ! Let them have me ! You’d all be so much better -” “SHUT UP!” Kakashi interrupts , hands grabbing the kid’s face to stare at him in the eye. Naruto’s jaw snaps shut at the unbridled rage in his sensei’s eye. Something he’s never seen in his sensei. His usually calm, cool and collected sensei who never so much as raises his voice even slightly.

Kakashi is a billion kinds of pissed, over this stupid, selfless, sweet child who deserves so much more than the life he’s been given. Kakashi knows these were the kid’s own insecurities, coming out in the form of Sasuke. “He’s wrong. He’s utterly wrong. Sasuke has never been more wrong about anything. Those sentiments ? Your heart and dedication and loyalty ? They don’t make you weak. They make you strong, it’s why you’ll always be stronger than sasuke no matter what. Because you have a good and kind and selfless heart. There’s nothing stronger than that. He was wrong, it’s not a weakness, it’s a strength that makes you stronger than any shinobi across all the nations. It’s the heart that reached Gaara, that rallied your friends, that reached Nagato, that reached Jiraya-sama and Tsunade-sama and every person you cross that makes them want to be better, to actually be better.” Kakashi says seriously but softly , thumb gently massaging the hinge of the boy’s jaw. “You haven’t failed Naruto, I know that, Sakura knows that, everyone knows that. Sasuke …” Kakashi sighs softly “You’re right, his desire for revenge is so strong that it makes up a huge core of his being, to Sasuke, he is nothing without his revenge. It’s not something anyone can try to beat. You didn’t fail, I know one day, Sasuke will soften and let his heart be reached and I know you’re the only one who can do it. So you haven’t failed. Sakura will tell you herself over and over.” Kakashi says sternly, looking at the kid whose chakra wavers at Kakashi’s words and Kakashi knows he’s getting through to him. “You didn’t kill anyone” Kakashi says fiercely, holding his kid’s face tighter “You didn’t kill Jiraya-sama or Minato sensei. Neither of their deaths is your fault. Did they die to protect you ? To save you ? Yes. But because they love you so incredibly much. More than you could ever imagine. Jiraya-sama told you himself, he wanted to go out with a bang, to go out fighting. To go out protecting the one he loved the most. Minato sensei. Your dad ? I told you, he loved you more than life from the second your mum told him she was pregnant. I’d never thought sensei could get more stupid in love than he was with your mum, but then they found out about you and he got a million times more stupid. He died doing the one thing he swore to do, protect you. You didn’t kill them Naruto, they died protecting and loving you. They chose that themselves because they wanted to.” Kakashi says, the kid needed to be reminded every day, and Kakashi would do just that. “Pup, me and Tsunade-sams ? Mad at you ? Blaming you for what happened to Minato sensei and Jiraya-sama? There’s not a single second that either of us blame you or think it’s your fault. Never, Tsunade-sama would tell you that herself. You trust me right?” Kakashi asks, and the kid nods against his hand “Then believe in my words and what I’m telling you. You are worth everything and more. There’s not a single second I regret meeting you, I hate myself for not trying to get involved in your life sooner. You are like sunshine and hope, it makes everyone believe in a better future, makes us want to be better. The world would fall into darkness if you disappear, there’s not a single person who would be better off without you. Especially Sasuke” Kakashi says. “Sasuke was wrong about everything. Nothing is your fault and you haven’t failed once at anything. Jiraya-sama and Minato sensei are not on you, they died loving and protecting you. The only way they’d want to go out. No one blames you for their deaths at all, never have and never will.” Kakashi says softly and he gets a small nod against his hand “Naruto, the world is better for having you in it. You’ve changed so many lives for the better already, and you’ll just do more good with that pure heart of yours, Don’t let anyone take that away. Not even Sasuke” Kakashi says gently, stroking the boy’s cheeks with his thumb gently.

The child’s eyes fill with tears again before he’s pitching forward against Kakashi, crying once again. Kakashi’s never seen the kid cry more in his life than in this last week or so. But it was good, Kakashi was finally cracking the kid open. Kakashi was so profoundly honoured by Naruto allowing him in like this, an honour he’d never take for granted. Naruto cries in relief and heartache against his sensei, but he trusts his sensei implicitly and lets himself believe in his words. Kakashi holds the kid close, pressing soft masked kisses into the blonde locks. “He was so real, so here. He … was so Sasuke and I … I truly believed he was here” Naruto whispers miserably and Kakashi hums “Next time, I’ll be there. I’ll make it in time, and we’ll bring him back together. I promise you. I’ll be by your side from here on out” Kakashi says unwaveringly and Naruto nods. Kakashi shifts them to lay down on the bed again and Naruto curls up against his sensei’s side. “Go to sleep now pup, I’m here. I’ll protect you” Kakashi murmurs and Naruto obliges, too exhausted from everything. Kakashi watches as the boy’s eyes drift close. Kakashi’s heart rate finally slows down, his heart was bleeding from the kid’s words and revelations. It made Kakashi so heartbroken at the glimpses of what was inside his heart. Kakashi said he would crack the kid right open, and he will. And he’ll comfort all that hurt and pain and put his kid back together again. He’d protect his kid from everything, even himself. That was a promise. Kakashi can’t sleep, adrenaline still coursing, but he finds comfort in the sleeping child next to him who looks peaceful for once in his sleep. Kakashi leans over to put a fresh cold towel on the boy’s head. His fever seems to have broken sometime in the crying but Kakashi wasn’t taking chances. Not anymore, not ever again. Not when it came to his kid.

Chapter Text

The door opens and the sleeping boy curls up tighter against his sensei subconsciously. Kakashi looks up from where he’s reading his book absently, leaning against the headboard. He nods once at the hokage who leans against the doorframe. “Everything’s okay?” Kakashi murmurs softly as the hokage comes in sitting on the chair next to the bed, brushing the blonde bangs back, careful of the wet towel. “Bit of a scare, but everything’s been handled,” Tsunade says quietly. Kakashi cringes and nods, he supposes that the kid waking up and screaming Sasuke’s name for the entire village to hear combined with the kid’s chakra flaring wildly would’ve set off every alarm bell and in the fragile wake of the crush, it was probably more than a bit of a scare. “Sakura?” Kakashi asks intently, knowing that his other kid definitely heard the commotion. “Settled, had to wrestle with her.” Tsunade says a bit grimly “Knocked her out?” Kakashi guessed “Yeah, she was fighting against me and Shizune, it was the kinder option. I knew it wouldn’t do anyone any favours to let her in here, and I knew you had the gaki handled.” Tsunade sighs “I told her she could see the gaki when she woke up. That it was a false alarm, that it was just a nightmare” the hokage says. “What happened Kakashi?” Tsunade looks at the jounin, who in her eyes was also just a kid. Kakashi sighs “His fever must’ve spiked and he either hallucinated or dreamt that Sasuke was here. Telling him all kinds of lies. But it’s all his own fears and insecurities that came out in the form of Sasuke” Kakashi says bitterly “He said … he said that Sasuke told him that he keeps failing, that everyone is struggling and dying because of him and that he’s not worth the sacrifices being made. Said he was responsible for sensei and Jiraya-sama dying, that me and you hate him and blame him for their deaths” Kakashi says miserably and Tsunade clenches her fists looking at the absolute fool of a boy. “Just a bunch of things he probably has stored and locked away in his heart that he didn’t want anyone to know. Even after all this time, he’s so good at saying nothing. For saying the right things, or saying just enough to satisfy people. He still says so much nothing and we still let him. I wonder how long he’s been screaming and none of us have bothered to hear it. How long I refused to see and hear all his cries for help. All those times I brushed him off or ran away because he scared me, because I was scared of the people I saw, in him. I convinced myself that he was fine, you know ? That he was loud and happy and healthy and that was enough. That he didn’t need me, that he’d needed Jiraya-sama. I pretended like Sasuke was who I should focus my attention on. Lying to myself that Naruto would be fine as he was, without me intervening. How many times had I overlooked him ? Letting his big grins comfort me, letting myself pretend that nothing was wrong. All those times he brushed it off and I let myself believe him. How desperately he must’ve needed someone, needed me and I just let him be. I pretended like I couldn’t hear or see it. How long has he been suffering all alone because clearly I made him feel like his hurt wasn’t valid or that no one would care. How long he must’ve fought on his own, how much I’ve wronged him, ” Kakashi says, filled with self hatred. Tsunade takes him in, her own emotions waging inside of her. For the child who’s been through too much but the other who may be a grown up now but his heart was still as fragile as a child’s. There was so much wrong, and so much one goes through when growing up as a shinobi, but for Kakashi who took on too much, too young and had lost it all, the trauma and scars linger. She may not have been in the village but she knew all about his team mates, she’d helped train Rin after all. She knew about Minato and Kushina, his dad. Tsunade knows the emotional rollercoaster Kakashi must’ve been through when it came to the blonde who was the perfect embodiment of all that he’d lost. Hell, he has the perfect embodiment of all she’d lost. It’s what made her put her bets on him one last time. There’s no right way to deal with loss and trauma of Kakashi’s magnitude, but he wasn’t at fault. Maybe he’d done some things wrong when it came to Naruto but he wasn’t a bad person, far from it. Tsunade knows there’s no one that could knock Kakashi off the pedestal that both Naruto and Sakura have him on, not even Kakashi himself. She knows how much those two love and care about their sensei, how much they respect him and look up to him. For all Kakashi’s faults, the kids had looked past them with grace and understanding.

“It’s not your fault Kakashi” Tsunade says looking at the jounin. “For as much as you believe it is, it’s not. Maybe you played some parts but what you have done for him far outshines what you didn’t. He’d be the first to tell you. Guilt is … it’s like grief, it’s never ending. And the grief you hold ? Kakashi, if it were anyone else, they wouldn’t be standing. I know, you had your moments after everything but you kept going even if it killed you. I ran away, Kakashi, and so did Jiraya. After all that’d happened to us, we ran. You didn’t. We both took the easy choice, the cowards choice. We ran so we wouldn’t have to see what we were leaving behind. You stayed, sure you tried getting killed unsuccessfully in ANBU but still you stayed. I know more than anyone what it feels like to look at the kid and see your biggest heart aches wrapped up into one impossible to hate child. I tried too, you know ? To hate him.” Tsunade says, eyes flicking to the blonde before flicking back up to Kakashi “When Jiraya came to find me to take the hokage position. We ran into each other and he had the gaki in tow. He got all mad when I started talking shit about Sarutobi sensei and Minato and the hokage position in general. Even though I knew who the kid was the second I saw him. He tried to fight and I was drunk and stupid and I took the bait and kind of kicked his ass but he said being the hokage was his dream. The child who echoed the words of Nawaki and Dan, will and heart matching theirs exactly. I wanted to hate him. I wager my necklace for the first time if he could master the rasengan in a week because I thought he’d never be able to. I couldn’t stop thinking about the gaki and how much I wanted to hate him. I got pissed at Jiraya for bringing the kid in front of me, I knew beyond Jiraya’s own plans, he brought Naruto in front of me to remind me. He reminded me so much of what I’d lost, enough for me to feel that neverending ache but not enough to fix it. And I hated the kid for it. But then he saved me” Tsunade scoffed, but Kakashi could sense the fondness “He mastered the rasengan and risked his life to protect me. I knew then. That he was more than just the people who he reminded me of. He was someone so special, so bright and loud and unashamed of his hopes and dreams. You’re right, he says a whole lot of nothing but is loud enough that no one realises just how much nothing he’s saying. We’re all guilty of it. Of overlooking him and everything he’s been through because he never stumbles. The only person who’s probably seen through it all is Jiraya” Tsunade says, voice tight. Kakashi knows it’s true, that the toad sage had smashed every last defence the kid had. “But he’s not here, we are” Tsunade whispers and Kakashi’s chest tightens “We owe it to Jiraya and Minato and Kushina, to Naruto himself. Naruto is too kind and selfless, he’d never blame you for what’s happened in the past. He’s too understanding and kind for his own good. Kakashi, you can’t blame yourself for the grief you feel when it comes to him. You can’t blame yourself or think that you’re the worst person in the world for how you treated him. Could you have done more ? Yes. But so could I, so could Jiraya. You told me once that the kid had so many apologies he needed to hear, ones he didn’t even think he deserved. You’re right but so does everyone. The difference is that Jiraya made it right, and did everything in his power to make it up and make it right for the rest of his life. He’d broken through all the kid’s defences. He told me that the kid hadn’t even batted an eye, hadn’t even held in contempt. Naruto had just been grateful, and relieved and that makes it all worse, I know. But he’s suffering now, and Jiraya is gone. It’s on us now to make up for our wrongs” Tsunade says softly “You can’t blame yourself for what’s happened and how much the kid’s slipped through our hands, but what we can do is try our hardest to make things right for him. Kakashi, what you’ve been through is more than anyone could ever bear. The amount you’ve lost and who you’ve lost is an unbearable weight that I can’t begin to fathom. You survived the best you could in a world that doesn’t give time for that. You may not have done what was right, but you did what you had to do. You can’t blame yourself for trying to survive, nor can you blame yourself for the aches in your heart that don’t simply disappear. Stop blaming yourself Kakashi, it wasn’t your fault” Tsunade says gently, reaching over the sleeping child to pat Kakashi’s arm.

Kakashi diverts his eye from the hokage. He knew, he knew what she was saying was true and that she was right but it didn’t make him feel any less guilty. “I used so many excuses for how I acted. I wish Naruto would look at me with contempt and hatred and blame me for not being there, I want him to yell at me and blame me. I know he won’t and it makes it all worse because I did all of that to a child that so desperately needed me. A child who only knows how to love and be kind and selfless despite never receiving any of that as he grew up. He deserves so much more than me” Kakashi whispers, voice tight “I know … you say sensei would be proud of me but I can’t help but think about how disappointed sensei would be with me, for all that I’ve done” Kakashi says and Tsunade tsks softly “Minato doesn’t know how to get upset. Trust me, if anything, he’d be glad that you’re changing now. You don’t see it but everyone else does. I told you, your kids ? they only have eyes for you. When you’re not around they panic and look for you. I’ve never seen kids love their sensei as much as those kids love you. We may be wholly deserving of their love and confidence and trust but they gave it to us anyway. All we can do, is try to be worthy of it. I know, it’d be easier if the gaki just yelled and screamed but he’s not like that” Tsunade says fondly, adjusting the damp cloth on his forehead “He’s an idiot, but loyal and protective like Jiraya, he’s got the same soft heart that Minato has, he’s got that same caring nature that Kushina has, the same will that Nawaki and Dan have, the same love for people that Rin has, that same never say die attitude as Obito. He’s the perfect mix of the best parts of the people we long for and miss the most. It makes him so incredibly special but hard to look at without feeling the ache that’s so deep in our souls. But he’s strong and selfless and caring and so attune to everyone’s thoughts and feelings in ways that makes you realise he is more than the ghosts we see in him. We owe it to him to look past our ghosts and hold the child that he is. He’s so deserving of the world and all the kindness the world has to offer even if he’s been treated without. We owe it to him, to realise how special and pure he is, to just sit before him and apologise in earnest, to try every day to be worth his care” Tsunade says, placing a gentle kiss on the boy’s head.

The child stirs, but doesn’t wake, curling more against his sensei. Kakashi automatically holds him tighter. “Stop punishing yourself Kakashi, he’s not going to punish or condemn you. Don’t make him feel bad, he’ll know if you feel bad and that in turn will make him hide more. Jiraya cracked the kid open and bashed all his walls down because he was honest. That’s what the idiot said anyways.” the hokage says with a fragile fondness “Said he was honest himself, in his reasonings and his actions. He told the kid he was wrong for how he’d been up till then. I’m not sure what happened but he just said that he’d had to set his own guilt aside and come down swinging uncaringly. I know you’ll do the same” she says and Kakashi nods, he’d already decided he’d wanted to do that. The hokage was right though, if he went into it filled with guilt, the kid would clamp up wanting to spare Kakashi’s feelings, out of the selflessness to not hurt his sensei. “There’s one more thing” Tsunade says, pulling out a money book and scroll, handing it to Kakashi with such care and Kakashi took it gingerly. Looking at it “The idiot, before he left, he passed that to me. That it should be given to Naruto if anything happened to him. There was never a right time but I think you should give it to the gaki. Jiraya was a traveller, all his possessions were kept on hand … and his body …” Tsunade shakes her head “He gave that to me the last evening I saw him, before he left. He said … it was for his godson should anything happen. He laughed it off and said he’d be back to collect it from me anyway” Tsunade says, grief lining her words and Kakashi nods solemnly looking at the last worldly possessions of the sage. “It’s his, when the time is right. The scroll can’t be opened by anyone but him if anyone else tried, even either of us, it’d burn.” Tsunade says “He wanted to make sure the gaki would be taken care of no matter what, I’m not sure what’s in the scroll but by the sounds of it, it’s all personal items.” she says moving to stand. She lays a soft hand on the blonde’s head before she does the same to Kakashi “It’ll be alright Kakashi, we’ll hear him from now on” she says and Kakashi nods. “Sakura will be here tomorrow” Tsunade adds as she leaves.

The door shuts and Kakashi lets his head knock back slightly against the headrest. He looks down at his hand that holds the scroll and the bank book. Indeed, it seemed the sage wanted at least something for his godson to keep. The money was … Kakashi flips the book open and his eye widens. Okay, Naruto would not have to work a day in his life if he wanted to, more than that the kid could live a luxurious life and not worry. The amount of zeros in the book was astounding. He knew the sage’s books were widely successful across the world, even being turned into a movie. And all the S rank missions he did after leaving the village, and the rumours that the sage had completed the most missions in Konoha history, with most of them being S and A rank missions, together with the fact that the sage didn’t pay rent or bills or own any possessions really. Still … that was more money than Kakashi could imagine. But he knows that the kid likely won’t really care about the money. Not at the expense of losing the person he loved the most. The other item though, the kid would care about. Kakashi looks at the scroll. Indeed the seal master had sealed the scroll so that no one but Naruto could open it. It was probably all sentimental things more than information. This scroll would break the kid’s heart but could also stand to be a balm in his grief.

Kakashi carefully keeps the scroll and bank book in his jounin vest. He lets his mind wander, lets himself think. The hokage was right, even if he still felt guilty over everything. Kakashi had done so much wrong, had been so wrong when it came to the child. He’d used excuse after excuse, Kakashi knows he’s not inherently bad but can’t stop himself from feeling like he was bad. That doesn’t mean Naruto deserved the treatment, whether his actions were trauma driven or not. The hokage was right, he had to commit to the kid, the way the toad sage did. He has to accept the weight of the love and trust that his kids have in him, he can’t pretend to not see or hear them. He won’t make excuses ever again, nor will he let his guilt get in the way of things. After all, till now, he’s used grief as an excuse to not be open and honest, using his own fears to prevent him from doing what the kid deserved. Kakashi was the kid’s sensei. Minato sensei had never faltered or let anything prevent him from taking care of Kakashi no matter what had happened. Kakashi wasn’t a kid anymore, he had kids to take care of. He’d denied their love and affection till now. He wasn’t going to anymore, he’d be honest and open. That’s what the sage had meant when Jiraya told him how he broke the kid’s defences. Jiraya had probably dropped the guild and excuses and been honest. Kakashi owed honesty and answers to the kid, he wouldn’t let his excuses or Naruto’s selflessness get in the way. Kakashi was going to bash every last defence down. Kakashi heard him now, the child who was screaming inside the selfless teen. The kid who needed love and care so desperately but didn’t let himself seek it out feeling as though no one would care. Kakashi could hear him now, he was listening.

Chapter Text

Morning light filters through the window and Kakashi blinks softly. The child tucked against his side was still sleeping, a peaceful look on his face for once. Kakashi looks down and thinks that like this, Naruto had never looked smaller or more vulnerable and it makes Kakashi’s heart clench with fondness and protectiveness. He was only 16, in the shinobi world that was basically an adult, but Kakashi knew he was still a child who needed love and protection, things he’d never had. Through all that Kakashi had lost, he’d had so much which was what made the losses harder. He’d received so much love and care and affection, even when he turned away from everyone, even when he got mad or blew up. He’d received unconditional love from so many people. He’d taken it for granted, he really had. He never would again though. He’s received so much love it was only right that he gave out as much. Starting with his kids.

The door slides open silently and Kakashi looks up, smiling softly at the visitor. “Sensei” his girl murmurs and Kakashi holds up his other hand and she takes it as an invitation, sliding into the bed, curling up into her sensei’s free side. They used to do this all the time as genin, Kakashi would sit under a shady tree, reading his book and watching the kids spar, but afternoon would roll around and they’d get tired and they’d curl into Kakashi’s side, usually Sakura would first, then Sasuke on his other side while Naruto ran around to deplete the rest of his energy. Finally he’d join but he'd sprawl out on the ground in front of them instead of curling into Kakashi’s side. Kakashi wasn’t sure when it first started, but it did and he couldn’t find it in himself to push them all away even though he was still a mess of emotions back then. When Naruto had come back and they’d formed team Kakashi, his kids would still nap against him. Sakura would curl into his side as though she was still 12 and Naruto would still sprawl out in front of them, his other side painfully vacant. Naruto had always been surprisingly shy with physical affection after all. Sakura was open and clung to them, Kakashi guesses that’s because she’s from a civilian family. Not that Kakashi cared, he was glad one of his students had a happy and loving upbringing. Sasuke was like a black cat, he’d hiss and scratch but seek out the affection anyways, as long as it was in private and on his own terms. Naruto though, neither sought out nor accepted physical affection, dodging with grins and laughs. Kakashi sighs, thinking about the child in need of so much love. Kakashi pulls them both closer.

“You okay?” Kakashi murmurs to the pink haired girl who looked so much like she was still 12. “I know it must’ve scared you last night” Kakashi says softly “It’s alright, Naruto’s okay. He just had a nightmare, that's all” Kakashi murmurs comfortingly. Sakura’s breath hitches as she presses her face against her sensei “I … I was so scared” she confesses quietly “I … everyone heard him screaming Sasuke-kun’s name and … I thought he was there and …” her voice trembles and Kakashi gently strokes her hair “I was already halfway up the stairs to here when Tsunade-sama caught me, she tried to explain it was fine but I … all I could think was Naruto and Sasuke-kun and I had to be there … I had to … I trained for that and the thought of not being there I … I fought with Tsunade-sama and Shizune and they knocked me out and … I was so scared” she whispers and Kakashi hums softly “I thought … I had to be there, you know ? To prove that I’ve grown, I told Naruto that the next time … at Orochimaru’s hideout back then we couldn’t do anything and the thought of Naruto being left to face Sasuke-kun by himself after I promised” her voice breaks and Kakashi holds her tighter “I promised him, and in the back of my mind I knew … I knew it wasn’t possible and that you were there but I … I” she trembles “They’re the most important people to you pup, of course you were scared. After everything that’s happened, the bonds you have, of course you were terrified” Kakashi comforts quietly “Sensei … I was so scared that they’d hurt each other too …. If it was real. I … back then … you were always there to break them up and I always tried but I’m terrified of what they’ll do to each other if Naruto finds Sasuke-kun alone or if it’s the other way around” Sakura says terrified at the thought. Kakashi wasn’t surprised, the boys had argued every second of every day when they were 12 , and before that based on the stories. But after becoming a team it was more light hearted and filled with rivalry, Sakura always caught in the middle. But then they’d evolved to more than just light hearted arguments and scuffles. Kakashi thinks of that godforsaken day on the hospital roof, if he hadn’t gotten there in time … he doesn’t want to think about it. Doesn’t want to think about what would’ve happened to his girl. And then the Valley of The End and there was no going back after that. Kakashi always offered Sakura empty comforting words and platitudes back then. She was too strong and smart to be comforted by those words now. “I can’t promise you anything this time pup, I don’t know what’ll happen or how things will play out. I can promise you I will do everything in my power to protect you and Naruto and Sasuke too. I promise I will try my best to help Naruto and you bring Sasuke home. You won’t have to stand in the middle, trying to get them to play nice. You know he’s changed pup, and the only one who can reach him” Kakashi says pulling the sleeping blonde closer “Is here. I promise Sakura, I’ll do everything I can to protect you both while bringing him home. I won’t let Naruto do it alone and I won’t let them destroy each other. I won’t let you get stuck in the middle again” Kakashi says firmly. Sakura lets her sensei’s words wash over her and comfort her just as they have all these years. There’s no one she trusts more implicitly than her sensei after all so she nods.

“Is he okay?” she asks after a while hand reaching across her sensei to hold her team mates hand. Kakashi turns his head, the kid is still warm against him but definitely not the same burning fever that’s plagued him all week “He will be” Kakashi says softly, knowing she meant more than just the physical illness “I’m here, Tsunade-sama is looking after him. You’re here and so are his friends. He’s Naruto” Kakashi comforts softly. Sakura didn’t need to know in his opinion. The teen was quiet about his struggles for his own reason, he was private and Kakashi wasn’t about to shatter his trust by divulging in things he’s pretty sure Naruto didn’t even want him to know about. “I feel awful sensei” Sakura whispers and Kakashi blinks, turning his head back to the girl. “Ever since we were kids, I relied on him so much even though I was impossibly mean to him. When we were just genin, I always watched the boys protect me. Then … Sasuke-kun left … and I … I left it all to him, to shoulder the weight of Sasuke-kun’s betrayal and deflection and he … I made him promise he’d bring him back for me, he promised that he’d make things right. I shouldn’t have … he had so much on his shoulders already, so much weight and problems and I just … I thrust the biggest weight of them all on him, I made him take that promise and chained the weight to him. The promise that he won’t let me remove anymore, and he has so much on him … he always had … I didn’t know it back then. I was young and stupid and everyone treated him so awfully and I went along because he was loud and annoying but I should’ve … he never got mad at me, not even once. He let me push him around and use him and … now ? Now I truly can’t do anything for him, I can’t save him or help him and he still won’t let me take back the promise. I can’t … I can’t … I’ve tried so hard to get stronger sensei” she whispers miserably, “I feel so awful, sensei please tell me I’m awful” she whimpers and Kakashi pulls her close, mindful of the sleeping teen on his other side.

“You’re not awful Sakura. You were just a child, you still are. You didn’t know any better, I know it’s not an excuse for how you treated him but when you were kids you heard whispers and saw. You’re not from a shinobi family, that already put you on the outside with the rest of the kids. All you knew and saw was the way the civilians and other kids treat him. And you’re right. He was loud and annoying and played pranks. You didn’t know why then, you were a child. You can’t be expected to know and think deeper into the politics of his situation. As genin … Sakura, those two had way more to lose than you did. None of you realised it back then, except maybe Sasuke. You had limitless potential back then and now, I knew you’d be one of the greatest kunoichi the shinobi world would see but those two … because they had so much to lose, because they’d already lost so much and been through so much, their drive was unmatched. It’s what made you feel like you were lacking. Your progress was exactly how it should’ve been back then, when you compare it to the other genin. You just ended up on a team with the two kids who were desperate to be stronger and prove more than anyone in the world. It’s what made you feel weak, and I’m sorry I didn’t step in to correct those thoughts. I wanted to protect you and your innocence for just a while longer. You came from a loving and happy family, there was no need to expose you to the horrors so soon, not in the way your team mates knew deep in their souls.” Kakashi says softly “and Naruto ?” Kakashi shakes his head fondly “For all that he’d been through as a mere 12 year old back then, he never truly knew the meaning of hatred. He didn’t know how to hate, or be mad or truly upset with people. He knew more than Sasuke even, what bonds meant and how precious that was. You’re right , you asking him to promise made that promise mean so much more to him, but he would’ve taken it in his hands regardless of whether or not you asked him to. Sasuke means as much to him as you do. It’s not your fault pup, the way things are and the way things have turned out with the two of them. He does have too much on his shoulders, he always has and he will continue to have it. All we can do now is not wallow in the past and help him all that we can now.” Kakashi soothes softly and Sakura curls up more against her sensei, letting herself be comforted “Pup, it’s not your fault. There’s nothing you could’ve done back then and you’re doing more than good enough now. Don’t compare yourself to them. You’re insanely strong and smart and talented. Tsunade-sama has acknowledged you as her student, that’s one of the legendary sanin pup, don’t forget how important that is for yourself. Don’t let the rate at which these two are running take away from how fast you’ve become.” Kakashi says firmly and she nods “And Sakura, you're chasing them with a pure heart, fuelled by love for your teammates and the want to protect them and be together, that alone makes it the purest of them all. Sasuke is chasing revenge and Naruto is … he’s trying to save everyone but more than that he’s trying to survive” Kakashi sighs softly “But your love for them will win over that” Kakashi says softly “So don’t doubt yourself or beat yourself up okay ? You’re doing so good, you can’t be blamed for the past, you were just a child” Kakashi says, pressing a soft masked kiss in her hair.

Sakura nods again, letting the words sooth the aches in her heart and weariness in her bones “I don’t know what we’d do without you sensei” she murmurs. “We said it before, but you’re not allowed to die on us again sensei. We mean it” she says and Kakashi laughs a soft laugh “I won’t” he says even though they both know he can’t really promise that but she’ll hold him to it anyway. “Sakura-chan” comes the murmured voice and Sakura sits up with wide eyes. She looks over at her team mate who’s blinking softly, blue eyes all bleary from sleep but also lingering exhaustion and fever. “You okay?” Kakashi says softly sitting up, leaning against the headboard and pulling Naruto up to lean against him. “Don’t become stupid like sensei” he breathes out and the girl bristles and Kakashi snorts “Mah mah what did I do now?” he asks but both his kids just glare at him so he wisely closes his mouth. “It’s not your fault” he says softly leaning against his sensei who is holding him steady “Me being a jinchuriki, how’s that your fault ? I was loud and annoying when we were younger, I know that” he laughs softly and Sakura reaches to hold his hand again “You’ve always been smart and talented, more than me or Sasuke. Remember when sensei taught us the tree walking exercise ? I always knew you’d be the strongest out of the three of us. But sensei is right … we just … we were pushing so hard for different reasons back then. Sasuke for revenge, and back then I wanted to prove to everyone that I was more than just the demon child” he whispers and Sakura clasps his hand tighter, arguments on her lips but Naruto cuts her off “But I had you and Sasuke and sensei and the rest of our friends and I stopped chasing approval, instead I wanted to save everyone. I wanted to save Sasuke the most, you asked me to bring him home. Yes I wanted to keep my promise to you but I’d also resolved to bring him home on my own as well, so it’s not on you. Our rivalry and fights ? they’re our doing, not yours so you don’t have to worry. You do so much for me by just staying Sakura-chan” he says earnestly with those blue eyes that won’t lie about these things “you’re important to me and you’ve done so much so you don’t have to think about those things” he says softly and Sakura nods with teary eyes.

Kakashi smiles softly at the two as she leans over and kisses her teammate's forehead. They’d come so far since the day he met them, both individually and together. He was sure that nothing could happen to break these bonds. Kakashi vaguely lets himself believe that it’s his doing as well, for drilling teamwork into their brains from the day they became ninja. “Us and our stupid sensei” Sakura says and Naruto grins and Kakashi takes back all the fondness he has for these two “Mah, will you ever stop calling me that?” Kakashi drawls lazily but they know, he receives two head shakes and he snorts silently. “You’re our stupid and silly sensei, but you’re ours. There’s no one else we’d want instead. If we did it all over again, as long as you’re our sensei then everything is okay” Sakura says so surely that it takes Kakashi’s breath away. Naruto nods against him and Kakashi gives them his signature eye smile. There was still lots to say, lots to be fixed, lots to be done. But for now, Kakashi lets himself bask in his student’s bright lights and loving hearts. He listens to them talk and laugh about stories of the past, he lets their voices blur with the more childish voices of the past and doesn’t think about the lack of his brooding raven. One day, one day they’ll be together. Kakashi is sure of it. But Naruto is a comforting weight on his side and Sakura is perched by his other side, the both of them uncaringly talking across their sensei and Kakashi smiles softly. He lets himself sit in the gentle and innocent love, he can talk to Naruto tomorrow.

Chapter Text

In the week that Naruto’s been out of commission, rebuilding efforts for the village have not only been in full swing but it’s been progressing really fast, thanks to Tenzou and the combined efforts of everyone in Konoha and the surrounding villages that Konoha protects in the land of fire. Last Kakashi had heard, his apartment has been rebuilt. Kakashi thinks of his apartment with bittersweet memories. The apartment that Minato sensei had bought for him upon his promotion to ANBU was gone, the furniture that Kushina had placed that he hadn’t moved an inch was all gone. It was also the same apartment that served as a safe haven for his three pups, when they were small genin, they’d often tumble into his apartment in any combination. Staying the night or playing at his apartment. Along the way he’d stopped caring and welcomed them with open arms. That apartment was gone now and it makes his soul feel heavy, makes his grief a bit more present and his longing for his sensei stronger, but he knows the apartment is still there and that his kids would continue to come by, maybe he’d start fresh in that apartment.

Sakura had left in the morning to go to the hospital and Naruto had vaguely woken up but fallen asleep again, still slumped against Kakashi’s side. The door opens and Kakashi nods “Tenzou” he says lazily but affectionately and the wood user waves. “Senpai” he greets, closing the door silently and coming over to lean against the window. “How is he?” Tenzou asks, eyes gazing at the blonde against his senpai’s side. To be honest, meeting Kakashi again had sent shock waves through his system. Kakashi had always been the cold, intimidating but impossibly caring senpai though it was hard to tell. Kakashi had always been strict and never let his emotions show. Though he’d always been protective of his team, never letting anyone get hurt. Then he’d disappeared from the ANBU, rumours that the third hokage pulled him out to become a jounin sensei. It surprised everyone but then they heard he never passed anyone which didn’t surprise anyone either. Until he had, and the rumour mill grew, the stories of the team he now had - the last Uchiha, the jinchuriki and a civilian born kunoichi. No one thought he’d pass them and no one knew why he did. Rumours that the hokage forced him to, that this team was a mirror of his own genin team and so on. Tenzou knew, knew that his scary senpai wouldn’t do things without reason or proof, but he desperately wanted to know why. He’d heard all the stories, their mission gone wrong with Zabuzza, the chaos the team brought, the rumours that they were powerhouses, trained to be the first line of defence. He’d heard about Orochimaru and the Uchiha, the chunin exams and the role they played. The jinchuriki and the sand’s jinchuriki going head to head with the blonde winning. The knowledge of the Uchiha’s deflection and the other two being picked up by the sanin. Again, more rumours about his senpai’s team being the next coming of the legendary sanin. But those were the stories about the kids, the team. The wood user was more interested in the rumours of his intimidating senpai. Rumours and stories that Kakashi had gone soft, that he’d started outwardly caring. That no one had seen the feared copy nin so protective, so caring about anyone. The stories that his senpai brought the boys vegetables, and let the kids play around with him, that he tagged along on their unofficial team outings, that he was fiercely protective of the three. Tenzou took it all with a grain of salt, this was the terrifying, ruthless Kakashi after all, there was no way his senpai had really become … soft. Hatake Kakashi and soft just didn’t belong in the same sentence.

And then he’d been put in charge of Naruto and Sakura in Kakashi’s stead following their run in with the akatsuki and saving the Kzekage. His terrifying senpai had indeed … gone soft. It was confusing and jarring and he didn’t really understand. Coming from ROOT and then going into the ANBU. But he met the two that people called Kakashi’s kids and suddenly … suddenly he saw. He saw the way that his senpai cared so openly about them even if he couldn’t admit it, how protective he was over them and how much he loved them even if he didn’t realise. He’d first realised when his senpai asked to talk to him before they set out to find the Uchiha. He’d told him to watch out for the akatsuki, to be careful of Sai, and to be wary of tricks. But most of all, he told him to bring his kids back alive, regardless of whether they brought the Uchiha home or not. He said he was entrusting him with the most important people in his life, and should anything happen to the two … the words went unsaid. It’d floored Tenzou, the sheer protectiveness and warning in his words. Everyone was right, his senpai had gone soft but he didn’t understand why yet. He’d promised his senpai everything would be okay, and that the two would be in his care. He couldn’t get his senpai’s stare and warning out of his head. It was even more terrifying than when they were in the ANBU together. But then, he’d set out with Sai and the two and he started seeing. He started to understand how these two changed his senpai’s heart, especially the jinchuriki. They embodied every single one of his senpai’s teachings but were endlessly kind and sweet. But protective to no ends, their protective nature over their sensei back home was obvious with the distance they kept with him. Unwilling to accept a new captain over their beloved sensei. The bonds clear as day, the ones Kakashi had been so adamant existed despite what everyone said. Their clear disdain for Sai who didn’t really know better. The way they protected the Uchiha’s name and face despite all that they’d been put through, all that’d been done to them. Unwilling to see Sai as a member of the team, though Tenzou muses that in the end they’d been right. Though later Sai had surprised them. What was clear was the way the two had run through the mazes of his defences and popped up in his heart unannounced. He understood, seeing the two. Their love for each other, their sensei and even the one who’d done so much wrong. Their huge hearts and unshakable faith, all a product of his senpai’s teachings based on what he went through himself. Tenzou found himself caring more than he’d admit and he realised why his senpai had gone soft. And then they’d found the Uchiha but just as fast he was gone. The look on their faces … Tenzou is simultaneously glad that his senpai wasn’t here but also knows the one they need is their sensei. They return and privately, Tenzou tells his senpai the details that the two had been too ashamed to tell their sensei. Oh … the way in which this team loved each other … it makes Tenzou feel things he can’t name. The look that passes over his senpai’s face - anger, guilt, regret, anguish, heartache. All emotions he hadn’t known his senpai to be capable of. But then he thinks about the two and it makes sense.

He helps the jinchuri- … no, he helps Naruto and his senpai train for the wind jutsu. It’s hard and the kid is obviously not the most academically smart and yet his senpai has endless patience for the kid, explaining over and over in ways the kid would understand. Tenzou can’t help but ask about the Uchiha but his senpai waves him off, saying that this was more fun and meant more than teaching the Uchiha. Even when Tenzou finds irritation bubbling up, his senpai is quick to defend his kid with an intensity that scares Tenzou, not that he’d admit it. But the kid’s determination is palpable, the fire in him to protect his friends and bring his friend home is strong. His heart is big and his love is endless, his selflessness knows no bounds. Tenzou can’t help the admiration he feels, and the fondness he feels when Sakura comes by every day. He ends up mastering the wind style and Tenzou can’t believe it, it’d barely been any time at all, and yet he’d done it with sheer determination to save his friends. It’s a whirlwind and all Tenzou knows is how much team 7 loves each other, and how protective they are of each other. He realises there’s nothing they wouldn’t do for each other. He understands, his senpai has definitely gone soft but that’s only made him stronger. With people to protect, his heart has softened yet hardened with the resolve to protect his kids with his life, something Tenzou sees him do time and time again. With each passing day, each mission - the three tails, the search for Itachi, the six tails … he understands more and more how his senpai softened in the face of his kids, finds it happening to himself too. But then Jiraya-sama dies, and it’s chaos and he’s worried about the kid but then he goes off to train for sage mode and Tenzou wonders if there were any limits to what the kid will achieve. Then the Pain invasion happens while he’s out trying to locate Kabuto with Sai and Anko, and he gets the warning with the number 6 and his chest seizes, abandoning the mission to race back to Konoha but he’d arrived too late, Konoha was destroyed but Naruto was okay. He’d managed to get it under control, though the necklace from the hokage had broken. He hears all about the fight and the aftermath, how Naruto had fixed things and everyone’s revival. He’s proud, and that wasn’t enough to describe how he felt. He truly understood what the kids coming into his senpai’s life had done to him. How it’s changed him too. He finds his own heart softening for the first time, yet also hardening with the thought of protecting others. And how he felt didn’t come close to how they felt about each other. Tenzou understands now though, understands his senpai and how he’s changed. He’s glad though, it’s good for his senpai. To care, to love, to be scared of death something he hadn’t been before. They’re good for him and he’s good for them.

His eyes soften as he takes in the kid tucked into his sensei’s side, still asleep and the firm hold his senpai had on the kid. “He’s okay” his senpai says quietly “Slowly but surely, his fever’s still fluctuating but it’s starting to break and stay that way. Tsunade-sama reckons a few more days before he’s fully recovered and in 2 weeks he should be fully ready.” His senpai nods “You think he’ll be allowed that time?” Tenzou asks worriedly, without the toad sage, they were left in the dark about the akatsuki’s movements. His senpai sighs “We can only hope … Based on Jiraya-sama’s words, they take breaks between capturing jinchuriki before setting out for the next though so we can only hope” Tenzou nods once. “You worried about my kid?” Kakashi teases gently and Tenzou looks away embarrassed. “Mah, he’ll be okay. We’re here for him” he adds and Tenzou nods again. “Oh senpai, your apartment is fully rebuilt now. I’m not sure what Tsunade-sama wants to do but I heard her say as long as he’s with you, you don’t have to stay here” he says and Kakashi thinks for a while “Hm, as much as I’d love to go to my apartment, I’d have to ask Naruto first. If he doesn’t mind staying here then we’ll stay here” Kakashi nods and Tenzou nods too. “I just came to tell you that” he says, well he came to check on Naruto too but that goes unsaid. His senpai knows anyway. “Tenzou” Kakashi calls and he looks at his senpai “Thank you for taking care of my pups when I’ve not been around” he says so earnestly that Tenzou blinks and nods “Just doing what I’m asked to do” he replies but they both know. “I said that too but now?” Kakashi says lightly “I don’t care” he says and Tenzou blinks again. This new senpai, though he understood his heart, was still unnerving to see and understand. He just looks away embarrassed.

Kakashi eyes his kouhai with mirth, it was funny. Kakashi weighs teasing the wood user more but lets it go. He trusted the wood user with his life but when it came to these kids … his kids … he wasn’t taking any chances. He’d been relieved that it was him who Tsunade had asked to step in when he couldn’t be there. Though he hates himself for not being there during their run in with Sasuke, he couldn’t deny that besides Guy, there was no one else that Kakashi would be comfortable handing his kids off to. Plus, he needed a bit of Naruto and Sakura to bring his humanity back in full force. The way Naruto especially always managed to incite. It was clear it worked, clear that his kouhai cared about his kids tremendously, more than he realised. Kakashi thinks that that’s probably what it was like for the others to see him as well. It’s true, he didn’t care anymore. After everything they’ve been through as a team, through his kids’ unwavering love and trust in him that he’s still so undeserving of … through all the things he has to make up for … he’s stopped caring, and stopped running. He was ready to fully take responsibility for the kids the way he should’ve 5 years ago. They were still just children, too trusting with big selfless hearts that Kakashi would lay his life down to protect. “You know senpai” Tenzou starts and Kakashi looks at him “Back then, I heard the rumours … about your team and things you got up to, the way you changed and I didn’t believe it. And then I met you again and I was forced to believe it but I didn’t understand but then … then I went on that first mission with them” he says quietly trailing off, unsure how to word it but Kakashi softens and smiles “they’re like that. They can soften anyone. Naruto especially, he has this way about him that makes you believe in him, makes you put your trust in him. It’s happened to everyone he’s met” Kakashi jokes softly, patting the soft blonde hair. His kouhai nods “I get it now, why you changed, how you changed. I get it. It’s not a bad thing” Tenzou smiles slightly and Kakashi snorts softly “It’s not” he says “You’ve gone soft too” Kakashi jokes and the wood user looks away.

“Yamato Taicho?” comes a sleepy voice and both jounin look at the teen who sits up with Kakashi’s help, leaning against his sensei. “Hey , how’re you feeling?” he asks fondly and the kid offers him a tired smile. “M’okay” he yawns, batting his sensei’s hand which comes up to feel his forehead. Tenzour smirks as Kakashi tsks softly. “You still have a fever” he says and Naruto rolls his eyes. Tenzou thinks it’s almost cute, the way his senpai fusses over the kid but again, he’d never say that because he does quite treasure his life, and his senpai was still terrifying if you took the kids away. “You okay?” the blonde murmurs, catching his attention again. “Yeah I’m fine” Tenzou says softly, walking over to place a hand on his head. Indeed, the kid was outrageously warm, a tell tale sign of a fever. “Just missions and rebuilding efforts. Senpai here gets to skirt out on helping” Tenzou says lightening the mood and Naruto grins “Sensei’s always been lazy. That’s what me and Sakura-chan have been telling you for ages” he says and Tenzou laughs “Indeed you have been telling me that , I should’ve listened” he jokes “Mah, what’d you say?” Kakashi’s voice rings out and Tenzou stiffens “Nothing nothing senpai” he says immediately and Naruto laughs. “I have to go, missions and rebuilding efforts and all those things” the wood user says “I’m glad you’re feeling a bit better” he says to Naruto “Senpai” he nods at Kakashi who waves him off. “Bye Yamato taicho” the boy’s voice calls as he leaves.

“Yamato taicho is so funny” the kid says softly leaning against his sensei now that it was just the two of them again. Kakashi snorts silently “That’s one way to describe him. “He’s kind of scary though” Naruto whispers and Kakashi laughs “And I’m not?” he asks and the boy grins and shakes his head “Not scary at all” he says and Kakashi sighs. “Mah, what happened to the small genin who thought I was so cool” he laments and Naruto laughs “We realised you were a fake” he says and Kakashi lightly taps the boy’s head. “You know sensei” the boy starts and Kakashi looks down “You don’t have to stay here with me, I’m okay now. Baa-chan said so herself that my fever should go away in a few days” he says “She also said that as long as I stay she’ll leave you be” Kakashi adds and Naruto rolls his eyes “You just don’t want to help out or go on missions” he huffs and Kakashi eye smiles at him “Mah, you got me” he says and the boy just rolls his eyes again. It’s funny seeing the three, who’ve taken on bits of each other's personalities, even his own. The way Naruto sulked like Sasuke sometimes, or the way Sakura picked up on some of Naruto’s words or the way even back then Sasuke had picked up some of Sakura’s behaviours. He finds himself wishing to go back to those days once again, when things were simpler, when he’d be able to fix his wrongs. When he’d be able to redo things, but he couldn’t. All he could do was fix things now “Pup” Kakashi says softly as the boy hums “My apartment has apparently been rebuilt. Tsunade-sama said she doesn’t mind if we go back there. As long as you stay with me. You’re not allowed back on missions or training for another two weeks unless something dire happens” Kakashi says gently, soothing the boy as he cringes at the thought of another person dying. “Do you want to stay here, or spend the next two weeks at mine?” Kakashi asks carefully. Despite it all, the kid was extremely independent, having looked after himself his entire life. He watches the kid debate in his head for a while before he turns his face against his shoulder and Kakashi softens once more, heart stuttering for the teen who was still just a child inside, who needed love and care and comfort. “Sensei’s apartment. We always felt so safe there” he whispers and Kakashi blinks fast, his sweet kids. “Alright , we’ll go to my apartment” he says softly. Memories of the three when they were so young invade his mind, three little trouble makers who were impossibly cute, with no idea of what was to come. If his apartment still felt like solace to his kids then he wouldn’t let anyone take it away.

Chapter Text

Tsunade comes by later in the morning and gives Naruto a once over. It’s clear the boy, though still extremely weak, was getting a bit restless. “Gaki, I’m only letting you leave here if you promise to stay with Kakashi for the next two weeks” she says firmly but softly to Naruto who nods at her. “Get me if anything happens” she directs at Kakashi who nods. “It’s okay, you’re okay. Everything’s fine for now. Just rest. You’ve done more than enough for the time being” she says softly to the teen as she gently brushes the blonde bangs out of his eyes. Blue eyes bore into hers the way that's always made her feel so exposed, as though he could see right through her. “You know I’m here if you need me” she says and the boy nods once more. Tsunade grins at the boy as he smiles back and she neatly flips his forehead, as she always does before laying a kiss over his exposed forehead. “Go on then” she waves, Naruto grins at her as he follows his sensei out. The village was busy with activity, rebuilding efforts all still ongoing, it was clear how much progress had been made but it was undeniable that it’ll take months to rebuild the village to what it was before. People stop Naruto as he walks slowly with his sensei, just like before it was a bit overwhelming the amount of people who stopped him or cried in front of him with gratitude. The more people realise the village hero has appeared, people come running and Naruto has to lock in every cell in his body to not make a run for it. The only reason he’s managing to stay standing is his sensei who’s right behind him. That comforting, steady presence. The one that’ll never let anything or anyone hurt him. He does his best to laugh and smile and talk to everyone, waving off their praises and gratitude. His sensei gently steers him away from the crowds of people and Naruto lets his brain shut off for a while, trusting his sensei.

Kakashi recognises the second the teen becomes overwhelmed and starts to shut down. It annoyed Kakashi and he distantly wondered if they should’ve done this at night with less people around. He’s overwhelmed and he’s not even the object of all the attention. Again it also pisses Kakashi off that there were the same villagers who treated the boy like shit his entire childhood with misplaced anger and disdain and prejudice. It disgusted the copy nin to see the very same people clambering over each other to talk to Naruto. It … it bitterly reminded Kakashi of the way everyone used to treat his dad before everything happened. How everyone revered his dad and though his dad was like an untouchable god, he’d thought so too. And then everything happened and they were so quick to switch it up on him, one second he was a revered and respected ninja and the next second everyone scorned him. Kakashi doesn’t understand how people can just … turn like that, and here he was, watching it happen again. Though he reckons it’s better to turn for better treatment than what happened with his dad. Still, these are people who owed the kid a million apologies, and yet there’s none to be seen. They all act like they’ve always treated the boy kindly, as though they always believed in him and his strength. Kakashi wants to scoff and shove them all away. But his kid is way too kind and selfless that even through his own growing panic and being overwhelmed, he smiles and laughs brightly all the same. As though they deserve the boy’s forgiveness when the truth was none of them did, Kakashi included.

Still, it tugs at his heart to watch the boy shut down, pulling that mask on. The one that Kakashi realises is so fake, he has no clue how he himself never saw it before. The way that persona slides in seamlessly even though Kakashi knows the boy is shutting down as the seconds pass. His protective instincts rear its head and Kakashi lays a gentle hand on the boy's shoulder, steering him away from the masses. They walk through the village slowly, mostly because the teen is still weak from recovery so they take their time. Kakashi looks around and thinks Tenzou must be working overtime to help with the rebuilding process. He spots the konoha 11 here and there but they give the pair breathing space, and Kakashi offers them all an eye smile and a nod when he spots them around. Kakashi’s glad that with the way Naruto was, he’s managed to gain good , loyal and respectful friends who treasure him as much as he does them. But it was the kid’s nature, anyone he came in contact with was easily won over and pulled to his side. They reach Kakashi’s apartment soon enough and he has no clue how the apartment looks the same as before. He fondly watches the way Naruto relaxes the second they cross the threshold, as though the apartment itself gives him some solace. “Come on, take the spare room” Kakashi murmurs softly to the boy who in all honesty looks ready to crash. He watches the boy move on autopilot with amusement. “It’s alright, rest for a while” Kakashi says helping the boy lay down and he summons his ninken who all jump onto the bed or scatter around the room. “Watch him for me” Kakashi says and his ninken all nod. “Go to sleep pup, I’ll be in the living room” Kakashi says laying a gentle hand on the teen’s forehead as his eyes flutter shut.

Kakashi leaves the room silently, leaving the door ajar as he looks around his apartment., It really is impressive seeing as everything is as it was but also clean. He vaguely wonders if the kid will be asleep long enough for him to go out and buy groceries because there was no way there was anything in this apartment. He walks over to the kitchen and there's paper taped to his fridge. He tilts his head and walks over, opening the folded paper and a fond smile tugs at his lips.

‘Sensei ! I heard Tsunade-sama said Naruto could leave as long as it was to go back to your apartment with you ! Me, Sai and Yamato taicho, together with the rest of our friends helped to make sure the apartment was furnished. Don’t worry sensei, I know the place like my own house. I knew exactly what was in it and where everything went. When we were setting everything up, it reminded me of when we were still genin (though Naruto is still technically a genin) and we used to come to your apartment for dinner after training. But then that turned into us just showing up randomly all the time. You never chased us away, and I never got to say thank you for that. I know how uncomfortable it must’ve been for you back then with us turning up at all hours and times, being noisy and causing chaos. But you never once got annoyed or made us feel as though we couldn’t come here. It means more to us than you’ll ever know sensei. I’m sure Naruto feels the same about this place as well. Whenever anything happened, it was the one place all three of us knew we could run to. The number of times we stayed over, whether all three of us or two of us or me by myself, we never felt as though we couldn’t find comfort or safety in you. I miss those times sensei … but this isn’t supposed to be sad ! What I was mainly trying to say is that we’re so grateful for all that you’ve done for the three of us over the years, we told you this a few days ago but we’ll remind you every day. Every day we’re so grateful that you are our sensei, you’ll always be our sensei no matter what happens. We’ll always love you. I wish I could come over now but I’m busy since I took the last few days off to help with the apartment. But I’ll come over soon ! And we’ll have dinner and I’ll stay the night, just like before !! Send one of your ninken if anything happens and I’ll come right away !

I’ll see you and Naruto soon, sensei ! Tell him I’ll be by soon and to not overdo it … sensei make sure he doesn’t secretly try and train … he used to do that when we were kids. He’d sneak out at night … sometimes with Sasuke-kun and they’d train but I’d stay here in case you woke up and freaked out that they both disappeared. I’m not sure if you ever knew that hehe but it’s been years so you’re not allowed to get mad. Sensei there are so many things we used to do when we were just kids who didn’t know better. Though I’m sure you know all about it, I’ll come over soon and we can tell more stories that you pretend not to know.

Okay this was longer than I expected, I have to go. I can hear Ino yelling at Choji and Shikamaru and Sai just left to see what happened but that won’t end well. Bye sensei ! I’ll see you and Naruto soon ! Oh ! There are groceries in the fridge. Choji was responsible for that so I’m sure he must’ve stocked up the fridge and cupboard based on the huge bag he and Shikamaru lugged here. Alright I really have to go, Ino is yelling even louder and I’m worried Yamato taicho might kill us all ! Bye bye sensei !

Love,
Sakura’

Kakashi folds the note back up fondly, leaving it taped to his fridge. His girl, like the blonde despite her being a mini Tsunade with a worse temper, was sweet and soft at heart. Still innocent despite all that’s happened. Still that naive 12 year old he’d met 5 years ago. Still very cute but she knew how to weaponise that against Kakashi which gave him grief till this day. But she meant well and for as innocent and fragile as she was, she was strong and smart and the way she’d held herself together through everything was … was more than anyone ever gave her credit for. Kakashi included, which makes him sigh. In the 2 and half years that Naruto was off with Jiraya and Sakura was training under the hokage, he admittedly didn’t see her or check up on her as often as he should’ve. He thinks yet again that he doesn’t deserve these sweet kids, who he’d treated so poorly. Who still loved and trusted him implicitly. Kakashi regrets so many things, for letting the ghosts of the past project onto the present. For letting himself off the hook for their treatment under the guise of guilt. He’d spend the rest of his life making it up to them, that’s for sure. Especially Naruto who he’d so egregiously wronged. Kakashi sighs before moving to look around. Indeed the entire apartment was stocked with necessities and sakura really must’ve remembered his apartment because every little thing was exactly where it’d been. As though nothing ever happened. The fridge and cupboards … okay yeah Kakashi didn’t have to buy anything. Sakura was right. The fridge was filled with side dishes and meals, courtesy of Choji’s parents and Shikamaru’s based on the handwriting on the boxes. The freezer was filled with meals as well, now those were seemingly from Ino’s parents. The Ino-Shika-Cho trio had always been kind to Naruto, telling their kids to treat Naruto however they thought they should. Well, the Ino-Shika-Cho dads had been good friends of Minato sensei and Kushina after all. The cupboards had snacks shoved in every corner which Kakashi knows for a fact was Choji’s doing. The whole group of them, the rookie 9 which had become the Konoha 11 had always been sweet and kind. The diabolical chunin exams and then their near death experiences with bringing Sasuke back had forged unbreakable bonds between them all that couldn’t be broken easily.

Kakashi finds himself drawn back to the room where Naruto was still sleeping in, for the first time his face wasn’t twisted in pain or horror, he seemed almost peaceful. Kakashi silently pads over and sits in the chair next to the bed, leaning over to stroke the blonde hair back. God, this kid. His chest tightens with a mix of emotions - love, care, protection but also guilt and anger at himself for all he’s put the kid through. For all he’s done and all he didn’t do, the kid should hate him, by all accounts he should despise Kakashi. But here he was, he was the one who was soothing and healing his cold, dead heart. As though Kakashi deserved the child’s care and love and comfort. The kid who’d only ever lost and been through the ringer every other day , he was the one who was out here healing and changing lives. Kakashi hadn’t heard him screaming before, but now he does and he wonders how he could’ve ever missed it. Now Kakashi can see, the child had no shield and no mask. The cracks were deep and jagged, Kakashi wondered if this was the child that Jiraya saw. The child all of them hadn’t bothered to see beyond his almost blinding light. Kakashi had blamed him, inside his heart he’d held contempt for the child who’d done no wrong, who’d just been enough to remind Kakashi of his biggest heartaches that Kakashi couldn’t bear. He should’ve seen it. All that time when the kid was 12 and his genin, he couldn’t bear to see his sensei’s son, how as the days passed Naruto became more and more like the man he never knew, the man Kakashi longed so desperately for. Kakashi had pushed him away out of fear, and out of hidden contempt that the blonde was here but it wasn’t the right blonde. Kakashi hates how he acted, the way he brushed the kid off. Back then … Sasuke had been the one in obvious need for help and care and comfort, so much so that Kakashi let himself get away with it. Pretended that Naruto was healthy and happy and loud so he must be fine, Kakashi knew the truth but he let himself pretend he didn’t. Kakashi brushes back the blonde bangs once more and takes a deep breath, trying to tame the maelstrom of emotions swirling within him.

Chapter Text

Naruto ends up sleeping the rest of the day, only waking the next morning. He blinks blearily as the gentle sunlight streamed into the room. Immediately, it’s like he knows he’s safe. He knew he came back here yesterday but to be honest, he was feeling tired and overwhelmed. But his soul knew, he was at his sensei’s apartment. He, Sakura and Sasuke had spent so many days and nights at this apartment. Their sensei had never turned them away once, nor had he ever gotten annoyed by their random appearances. He thinks back to when they were kids, just genin who knew nothing more. He misses those days where their biggest problems were doing well in training or doing missions. When their biggest wants were to see under their sensei’s mask. It’d been easier then. Even though back then, their sensei had been even more awkward. Not really knowing how to talk to them or how to treat them. Back when the best their sensei could do was give head pats the same way he did for his ninken. But their sensei had learnt, how to be gentle and soft. What to say and how to act. Even if back then it’d felt like their sensei only cared about Sasuke. Naruto couldn’t lie and say it hadn’t stung, but he understood. Now especially. He remembers back then, his sensei would get this funny look on his face when Naruto got in a lucky hit during sparring, or when he’d say certain things. Back then, after those incidents his sensei would avoid him like the plague. He hadn’t understood at all back then and well … Naruto can’t lie and say it didn't hurt. Now he knows, though, how much of his parents, especially his dad, that his sensei must’ve seen in him. Naruto’s heart aches at wondering how much pain he’d unknowingly put his sensei through. But he’s not sure … how to make his existence stop hurting his sensei. Back then, he and Sakura had understood their sensei’s preference for Sasuke. It was impossible to look at Sasuke, even for them as kids, and not feel that burning desire to help and save him. He’d pushed down his own wants because in the face of Sasuke, there was nothing he could do or say. Their sensei understood though, and they understood where their sensei’s actions came from. After all, Sasuke had been right. Naruto could never truly understand his pain from losing things Naruto himself has never known. Back then, Naruto had seen their pain and had thought he’d be able to understand Sasuke’s heart. After all, that pain ? How bone-deep that pain resided, he had it too. Though he now knows it’s so different, the same was Sasuke could never understand his pain and what he’s been through. Their sensei understood Sasuke, the same way Gaara understood his pain. The preferential treatment … well they’d always understood.

It’d been hard for him and Sakura back then, they couldn’t say it wasn’t. Though for Naruto it was even harder. The softness his sensei held for Sakura and the unwavering and relentless care and concern he had for Sasuke, it was hard to not let his heart twinge. But back then he’d understood no matter how much his chest tightened. After all, he’d never given in to his want for those things. He’d been fine on his own. He doesn’t like to think about it much, in all honesty. It makes his chest hurt, and if he brought it up then … well his stupid sensei with his ridiculously strong guilt complex … he shakes his head. He’d never do that to his sensei. He reckons he’s hurt his sensei enough in this lifetime, he’d never want to hurt his sensei anymore. After all, despite how everything happened, he knew how much his sensei cared about him even if he couldn’t show it. The way his sensei always appeared with vegetables, or the way he watched him during the preliminary rounds of the chunin exams and everything in between. His stupid sensei who seems to believe that he’s done nothing couldn’t be more wrong. But now Naruto knows more, he’s learnt more, he’s a better person than when he was an immature 12 year old. He’s not sure … how to make it up to his sensei. He knows now, about his dad. That his dad was his sensei's sensei. If there was one thing that had always gone unsaid, but Naruto had learnt, was his sensei adored his own sensei more than anyone in the world. Naruto had inadvertently taken his dad away from his sensei even if he knows that realistically it wasn’t his fault. Like how the villagers deemed him the demon, needing to place blame somewhere, he could blame his sensei if he blamed him for his beloved sensei’s death. After all, had his sensei really died and everyone else came back to life … he would've never forgiven Nagato … or the people who survived when his sensei didn’t. Naruto understands so innately that it makes him hate himself for the way his heart aches when he thinks of his genin days and how … how much he wanted his sensei to look at him the way he did his team mater, there were some days it felt like his sensei couldn’t even look at him. But he pushes that away, after all, he understood.

He blinks slowly, he feels better than he has in ages but he’s still tired. He blinks again and gets out of the bed. It’s silent and he vaguely wonders if his sensei isn’t here. He leaves the room and perches himself on his sensei’s balcony. It must be early in the morning, the village wasn’t noisy yet and it was still cool from the morning air. He looks down as he hears soft tapping “Pakkun!” Naruto exclaims softly as the pug noses his leg “heya pup” he says gruffly as Naruto pats his head. “Boss went out for a little bit but he’ll be back soon, he probably didn’t expect you to wake up so soon” Pakkun says and Naruto nods. He hadn’t really expected his sensei to stay at home 24/7 and he wasn’t really doing anything anyway. He let himself soak in the morning light, the gentle breeze like a comforting hug. For the first time, in a really long time, he feels at peace. In his sensei’s apartment he lets himself forget about the akatsuki and all the death, all the loss, all the pain. He lets himself pretend he’s still 12 years old, not knowing anything. He lets his brain shut off and his heart rate to slow down, pretending like the upcoming battles he has to face isn’t just around the corner. Pakkun lays across his legs and Naruto grins. In the warmth of the gentle sunlight and the soft breeze, Naruto falls asleep once more.

Kakashi comes home after checking in with Tsunade and stopping by to see Sakura. He was still not on any missions since Tsunade wanted him to watch Naruto. It was early anyway and Naruto was likely to be asleep, but he heads back, not wanting the kid to wake up alone even if Pakkun was there. He spots the kid as he’s jumping across rooftops and a fond smile tugs at his lips landing in front of the sleeping teen on his balcony. Pakkun’s head lifts “We fell asleep” his ninken states the obvious and Kakashi snorts. “I can tell” he says softly. “He was okay earlier, he’s a bit warm but not dangerous” Pakkun relays and Kakashi nods, laying a hand on the blonde locks but immediately those blue eyes snap open, the boy stiffens defensively on instinct, hand grabbing Kakashi’s wrist tightly and it tugs at Kakashi’s heart. Those were instincts trained, veteran shinobi had. Instinct you develop out of fear and necessity. Instinct … well he guesses Naruto having strong instincts should be expected through it all. It doesn’t make his chest ache any less. “Pup, it’s just me. You’re okay” Kakashi soothes softly as those blue eyes blink twice before he releases his grip. “Oh shit, sorry sensei” Naruto murmurs guiltily but Kakashi waves him off “Mah it’s fine. It happens, god knows it’s happened to me on many occasions” Kakashi says lightly. “What’re you doing out here huh?” Kakashi asks softly and Naruto scratches the back of his head sheepishly, so reminiscent of the toad sage. “I woke up and you were gone and Pakkun said you’d be back. It was still early so I came out here and must’ve fallen asleep” Naruto says looking at his sensei. “Come inside, it looks like it might rain” Kakashi says softly and Naruto looks up. Indeed unlike the sunny weather this morning, it’s become overcast with dark clouds. He follows his sensei and Pakkun inside and Kakashi shuts the balcony door. Indeed, he knew this apartment like the back of his hand and looked around properly for the first time. It’d been ages since he’s been here but that safe feeling never waned.

Naruto eyes Kakashi’s shelf and sees the picture frames he knows oh so well. He vaguely wonders how these picture frames have returned here but he doesn’t dwell. The first one is of his sensei when he was a genin with his team and his dad as his sensei, his heart pangs seeing it. The other makes his chest tighten and heart ache. It’s him and Sasuke and Sakura and their sensei. That day … he and Sasuke had argued once more and Sakura hadn’t cared for once, wanting to look pretty. Their sensei had gotten so exasperated with them, his hand on their heads in an effort to force them to look at the camera, but just like now they’d been stubborn. He picks the picture frame up gently and sits on the couch. Back then … it’d been so much easier back then. His worries … they seemed so immature and stupid compared to the things he has to worry about now. He flicks Sasuke’s forehead lightly, “teme” he murmurs, but there’s a longing in his tone for the boy who was like his brother to come home. It was hard when the only people who really knew Sasuke, was them. He sighs softly and turns his head when his sensei sits next to him on the couch. Kakashi looks at the photoframe and his heart stutters. He knew there were no words he could say to Naruto or Sakura to make things better, or easier for them. There was nothing he could do to ease their heartaches of betrayal and loss. “Sensei” Naruto murmurs “Do you wish you could go back in time?” he whispers and Kakashi is reminded of his talk with Sakura. Before he can respond the boy continues “I wish I could go back here. Being 12 again, before we knew any better. Before … before anything was real. Before the chunin exams. When all that we worried about was competing and improving and … well stalking you and being trouble” Naruto laughs softly and Kakashi smiles “It was so much easier sensei, all those worries I had … I wish those were my only worries again when …” Naruto trails off, not really wanting to bring this up. It was all in the past anyway. What was the point of bringing something up that’ll just open old wounds. That’d just bring things up from the past that were painful for them. He’d just be hurting his sensei again which was the last thing he wanted to do. Those were old wounds anyway, locked away bitterness that he didn’t want to unlock.

Kakashi looks at the kid, heart rate rising, he knows where this is going. One of Kakashi’s many wrongs towards the boy who’d just been a child back then. Was still a child, only 16. Kakashi takes a deep breath, he’d been putting this conversation off. He knows he has but he owes it to Naruto, he deserves to hear it all. To apologise and tell Naruto everything. He wouldn’t let the boy be selfless, not for this. “Let it all out, Naruto, tell me everything. You won’t hurt me. I know. I know I’ve done so many things wrong but you can tell me. Please. I owe you so many apologies. But please, let me hear everything in your heart. I won’t let you be selfless this time. Not for this. You telling me, it won’t change how much I care about you. It’s okay, you can let it all out.” Kakashi says softly gently stroking the blonde bangs away from those unsure blue eyes. “I promise, it’s okay. You deserve the truth and answers and explanations and apologies and so much more. I promise you, you can tell me” Kakashi says softly. Blue eyes bore into his, searching his face for something. The way he looked at you when he was like this was as though he could see right into your soul. Kakashi was terrified, but he knew this wasn’t about him. He’d made it about him for years and let himself use excuses when it should’ve been about the child in from of him who must’ve been desperate for someone to hear, to listen to the cruelties and unfairness he’s faced. He must’ve seen what he wanted because blue eyes look back down to the photoframe and his mouth opens.

Chapter Text

“I …” Naruto trails off, mouth opening and closing. But he takes a breath, the war waging inside him, wanting to vent all of the unfairness but the want to protect his sensei. But he looks down at that photo again and the words start spilling out. “I miss when we were only 12” he whispers “When everything was new and we were so clueless. But we were altogether. I miss when all that was wrong was trying to get Sakura-chan to like me” he laughs softly “Or keeping up with the teme” he says flicking a young Sasuke’s forehead again “Or trying to get your attention” Naruto whispers and Kakashi’s heart tightens. “I didn’t understand back then, at least I didn’t fully understand. I understood that what Sasuke had gone through was … unimaginable. Even when it happened and everyone talked about it. I couldn’t imagine what it was like losing everything at the hands of your older brother. I just understood that he was alone now, and so was I. I wanted to be his friend because I thought I was the only one who understood his loneliness. He told me over and over again that I didn’t understand but I didn’t believe it. Though now I understand that I could’ve never understood his pain just as he could never understand mine.” Naruto sighs softly, brain filled with memories “I understood back then though, that you understood Sasuke. We all knew the stories and rumours about you too back then, that you’d lost lots of people who loved you and you loved. You understood Sasuke and … Sakura-chan and I … we understood.” Naruto says softly “We understood why you paid more attention to Sasuke, why you cared about him more, watched him more, did all those things for him. We understood back then that Sasuke needed someone who understood him, and you did” he says earnestly and it makes Kakashi’s chest ache for his kids who were so sweet and selfless. “Maybe … maybe there were times that I was upset” Naruto confesses and the kunai in Kakashi’s heart twists “When you seemed to only be concerned about Sasuke’s progress, or when you’d spend the whole day sparring with Sasuke only while me and Sakura-chan watched. The way … the way you seemed to care about his well-being more. I know … I know you used to visit him at night, every other night to make sure he was okay and eating properly and all those things. Of course the extra training for the sharingan that only you could help him with. I hated how jealous I got sometimes” Naruto shakes his head “especially during the chunin exams, though I can’t be mad over it when that’s how I met ero-senin” he says wistfully “But sometimes, I got jealous. I wondered … I mean … we both had no one” he says quietly “And I know it’s because of the kyuubi but everyone always worshiped Sasuke … and when you came along, I … I don't know why I hoped that … but it was like usual. Sasuke” he says ruefully, though there’s no bitterness “No matter what it was always about Sasuke, even back then, even now. Everything had always been about Sasuke, how to help him, how to save him, how to … you know?” Naruto says softly “But I also couldn’t be mad at anyone. He needed saving after all and I ?” Naruto pauses “Well, I’ve always been alone. I suppose the teme was right. How could someone who’s never had anyone or anything understand. Plus, he was rude and cold and … it didn’t take someone smart to see how much he was hurting and how much care he needed. I couldn’t be mad over that. I just … was jealous sometimes but I hated it when I got jealous” Naruto admits and the kunai in Kakashi’s heart twists again for this kid, his selfless, big-hearted, impossibly kind child. Kakashi should’ve known.

“Sometimes, it made me upset when it seemed like no one noticed how I was feeling. Though I know I did everything I could to hide how I was feeling and how I was doing but … it sometimes felt like everyone knew how Sasuke felt, and what to do even when he didn’t say anything at all. It was kind of frustrating, sometimes I wondered if I should say things but I realised how hard everyone was trying with Sasuke that I couldn’t … I couldn’t add to that, you know ?” Naruto tilts his head slightly and Kakashi wants to shake him, tell him that everyone should’ve seen, should’ve listened to him screaming for help, for the love and care and concern they all showed Sasuke. That he wasn’t a burden, it couldn’t have been trouble. That he was so sorry for making him believe that he was. “I got less jealous when I met ero-senin and baa-chan” he admits. “Ero-senin didn’t care about Sasuke at all” he laughs softly “He said he had no use for a genius Uchiha with a bad personality” he says amused, the memory fond “I think he said it because he knew about everything” he admits and Kakashi is torn between laughing and dropping to his knees in an apology “He … for the first time, someone had wanted me … you know? Everyone had always been obsessed with Sasuke, and you had done the same. Even with Sakura you obviously wanted to protect her and keep her safe. But when I met ero-senin … he only cared about me. For the first time, I understood what it felt like to have someone care about you wholeheartedly. Ero-senin didn’t care that I was slow or rude or loud, he got annoyed but never genuinely. He was strict with me but because he wanted me to improve on my own. But he always cared, he always turned up when I needed him. He really cared about me and loved me unconditionally, without needing me to be anything or needing me to do anything” Naruto whispers, throat tightening at the memories of the toad sage. “When he appeared, it made everything more bearable, because I knew he was in my corner. That no matter what he’d be on my side. I kind of … I liked that it felt as though he only had me in his heart, that I didn’t have to share him” Naruto says, blinking back tears. “I know it sounds silly” he says but Kakashi shakes his head. It wasn’t silly at all. It was valid, it was pure, it was everything the kid needed and only one person had ever stepped up to give it to him unconditionally. For the child who’d never been in anyone’s hearts, and if he had he’d never been first. For someone like the sage to turn up and only have his best interest at heart, it was everything he’d needed. “Baa-chan was the same, I knew … from when I met her even though she’s the hokage. I knew I was number one in her heart, even more than the village” he admits “If I wasn’t, she’d have declared Sasuke a rogue ninja instead of letting it be and now we have to be responsible for what he’s doing” he says, everyone knew. It was stupid of Tsunade to not declare Sasuke a rogue nin after everything but in the face of Naruto she was weak. She’d only come back because of him after all. “They both … the way they looked at me was like … I’d never seen that look before … It was different from the disdain the villagers had for me … and the contempt the older ninja had for me … different from the way you look at me sensei” he admits and Kakashi blinks … the way he ? huh ?

“I did wonder sometimes … what I did to make you … not really like me” Naruto says embarrassed and all Kakashi can think is huh ? “Back then … sometimes I’d do things or say things and you’d get this look on your face … like I single handedly took everything away from you.” Naruto admits and Kakashi’s breath hitches. He was renowned for being calm and cool and collected, he was sure he didn’t let it show … could … god, how must it have looked to the 12 year old who’d known no kindness. Only to see that kindness he’d craved being poured into his team mate while he received looks of … well looks he’d probably seen everywhere. “You weren’t obvious” Naruto says fast “It was just your eye and” he says “I didn’t understand that part back then … when you’d get that look … I couldn’t understand why or what I’d done.” he admits and Kakashi wants to grab the kid and scream, and tell him that he hadn’t done anything at all, it wasn’t his fault. That it was Kakashi’s fault for being the biggest coward. “Back then I thought maybe it was the kyuubi” he admits and Kakashi’s throat tightens, so he had thought that he was just like everyone else. God, if only he hadn’t been a coward. “But now I understand” Naruto says softly and Kakashi’s heart stops. “It’s because of who my dad is” he says quietly and Kakashi’s eye widens, heart thundering in his chest. Blue eyes look up, to the other photoframe of his team with Minato sensei. “During … when I was fighting Pain, I got so angry that the kyuubi started taking over. I nearly ripped off the seal but my dad appeared. I hadn’t known. I didn’t know why the fourth hokage would appear, but then he said my name. I knew then but I …” Naruto shakes his head “I got so mad and I yelled at him saying it was so unfair that he did this to me” he says holding a hand over his seal and there's a boulder in Kakashi’s throat “but I understood, his duty as the hokage, to protect the village. To try to do his best by everyone” Naruto says softly. “We talked and … and I remembered the fourth hokage had been your sensei. That my dad was your sensei” Naruto says eyes flicking over to Kakashi “I mentioned your name and he … he softened so much” Naruto says ruefully and Kakashi didn’t know how this conversation was going to go but it sure as hell wasn’t this “I told him you were my sensei and he got all excited and started asking questions and it … I could tell, how much he loved you” Naruto says softly, with no resentment or bitterness that it made Kakashi want to throw up. “He said he was glad that it was you who was my sensei, that I should be good to you. He said to tell you he was sorry” Naruto offers softly “To be honest, I’m surprised I never realised it, I do look like him” Naruto snorts softly “But he said I wasn’t allowed to know, to keep me safe from his enemies. Which … is stupid” he says “But, I understand now, why you used to look at me like that. When I was younger. I know now … it’s because all I’ve ever done is remind you of the person you want to see the most. I didn’t know it back then, but now I know. You probably wanted my dad more than anyone but I was there instead. If I was you sensei, I don’t think I’d have been able to treat me as well as you did” he says so genuinely that Kakashi’s heart bleeds.

“The more I realised, the worse I felt. All those times I felt it was unfair, that I got jealous of Sasuke … I had no right to be when I was doing much worse to you. I kept reminding you of the person you missed the most, that’s … I don't know how you could bear it sensei. If I was you and someone kept reminding me of ero-senin which their presence, I wouldn’t be able to stand them. Back then, beyond Sasuke, you’d always treated Sakura-chan and I the best you could. The best you knew how to. You never got mad, you never got angry. You were patient and caring the way you knew how. You protected us. It made me realise that you were … I don’t know how you did it, treating me the way you did when all I did was cause you pain and hurt. Even if I didn’t mean to, I did it anyway. I keep thinking … how to make it up to you, how to fix all the hurt I’ve caused you unintentionally, and still getting upset over it. I should’ve been so utterly grateful to you and how you treated me in spite of everything. I always knew you were a great sensei but … from the way my dad talked about you. I could tell how much he loved you” Naruto says softly “And if someone like that thought you were untouchable , then you don’t give yourself enough credit sensei. I … even if it wasn’t me, I took him from you and I can’t … I’m not him and I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you to see me. “Sensei I don’t … I keep thinking and thinking. Ero-senin and my dad all said to be good to you, and I really try to be but sensei … I don’t know how to make up for the fact that … that I’m not my dad” he whispers, and oh. Kakashi doesn’t think he can breathe, he thinks he might explode. “I don't know how to make up for the fact that I’m hurting you by existing and I don’t … I just … I don't know” Naruto whispers miserably. Naruto looks up at his sensei whose eye is wide and his face is paler than normal and immediately he wants to take it all back. He knew he shouldn’t have said anything, stupid, stupid. He knew better, he wasn’t even upset over those silly things from when he was younger, his wrongs far outweighed his sensei’s not unfounded favouritism. He looks at his sensei and his mouth opens and closes again, trying to find the right words to say, to take all of it back, to … to say sorry, he knew he shouldn’t have said anything, let alone about his dad. God, Naruto was so stupid, he shouldn’t have said anything when his sensei had always been kind to him despite how painful it must’ve been for him. His sensei is utterly still and Naruto panics even more. “Sensei I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have … it’s all in the past and I shouldn’t have said anything about my dad and I’m so sorry and I don’t … I keep doing it all wrong, I shouldn’t have. I’m so sorry I-” he gets cut off by his sensei holding his shoulders “Shut up Naruto” he whispers and his jaw clicks shut. Naruto looks at his sensei and his breath hitches.