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Chapter Text

Mathew had always felt like he was living in the shadow of his brother, and for as long as he could remember he’s done everything in his power to reject it. The young nation would be ignored at meetings, recognised only as a lesser version of America, of the great beacon of freedom. Mathew didn’t want to stand out exactly,- truth be told he didn’t know what he wanted.

He showed up early to this meeting, hoping someone would maybe just give him a wave or a smile. Heck, even being mistaken as Alfred is better than treated like you don’t exist. He first saw some European nations enter the world conference. Germany, Italy and Austria. They all took their seats across the room from him, chatting amongst themselves, just out of ear reach. He told himself the distance was too great for him to initiate a conversation, it’d just be weird! Plus, he doesn’t know them all too well.

Next was England, France, China and Russia. Again, none of them paid any mind to him. He stared at the group as they took their seats, but no. not even a glimpse.

The room slowly filled up, with no one paying him any mind. Matthew knows he should at least try make small talk, but how can he do that with people who don’t even realise he’s here? He stares longingly at the doorway, only snapped from his trance once Alfred enters the room. “What’s up guys!? sorry i’m kinda late- had some suuuper important business to take care of.”

“You’re almost 30 minutes late, bloody idiot! next time don’t make us wait.” Arthur barked at him, crossing his arms with a huff. Matthew didn’t even realise the meeting was supposed to have already started. He checked the clock on the wall and low and behold— he’d been sitting here for an hour. It was pathetic, he was pathetic. He felt like giving up, letting the meeting zoom by without him. Why does he even show up if this is the result every time?

He crumpled in his chair, throat sharp and stinging. Would people wait for him like they did for his brother?

“How about you, Canada?” His name snapped him out of his thoughts. He jolted up and scanned the room for whoever said it. He saw everyone staring, expectantly.

“what-“ he loosened his tie, but the stinging in his throat still wouldn’t go away. “what was the question?”

Arthur waved his hand dismissively“never mind, it doesn’t particularly concern you anyways. What were we talking about again?”

Matthew only felt worse after that. So people knew he was there, yet chose to ignore him? He was about to break out into tears right then and there if he didn’t start getting a strange chill down his spine. It felt almost like someone was watching him. He scanned the table, but no one was looking in his direction.

After a few minutes the feeling faded, but Matthew still had a strange feeling something was up.

He was one of the last to leave, slowly packing up his things with sluggish movement. From what he gathered there’s been some urgent issues today, so the next meeting is only 3 weeks away. He wasn’t exactly excited, and debated even showing up. Ultimately, it was the right thing to do. And no matter what, he held onto hope that maybe the next time someone would need him, well and truly. But he didn’t know how much longer that hope would last.

Matthew took his seat, once again checking the clock. 5 minutes until the meeting starts, and no sign of his older brother. He’ll probably be late again…

He turned his eyes back to the table, buzzing with chatter amongst nations. Just as he was settling into his seat however, he felt that chill down his spine again. He began scanning the table, a little more frantically than before. This time, he found the culprit.

Ivan, his neighbour, of whom he rarely ever talks to, staring at him like a piece of meat. But as soon as Matthew caught him, his gaze disappeared like nothing had ever happened. He questioned if what he saw was even real, mulling it over in his head. Maybe he was just so lonely he was going crazy.

He stayed slumped in his chair for the rest of the meeting, taking glances at Ivan every few minutes, but every time he appeared busy in something else. Matthew adverted his eyes to the clock on the wall, watching the minutes tick by waiting for this useless meeting to be over.

But by the time it was, he hadn’t even noticed people dispersing from the conference room, his eyes still fixating on the clock.

He felt a sudden grip on his shoulder, from a large and cold hand. He jumped in his seat and whipped around, now face to face with Ivan himself. “Ah, Canada, glad I was able to stop you before you left.”

His cheerful tone only made Matthew shiver in disgust. Something about it just threw him off, like he was hiding his true intentions.

“did you…need something from me?” He mumbled back, just barely loud enough to hear. The more he cowered back into his chair, the more Ivan seemed to lean forward, towering over him and cornering him.

“I was wondering if he could talk- well, diplomatic relations. You have some nice minerals, don’t you? Good machinery too—machinery we’re lacking. To put it simply, we want you to up exports to Russia.” Ivan’s smile widened beyond friendly, their warm breaths mixed with one another, too close for comfort.

Matthew was about to refuse out of pure instinct, but he knew he should talk it over with his boss first. Just as his lips moved to respond, the conference doors burst open. Ivan ripped himself away, standing up straight and giving Matthew a small smirk.

“Vladivostok, August 31st, central square. Bring your boss.”

With that, he left.

Matthew didn’t even have time to process Alfred coming up and ruffling his hair, rambling on about something useless. He could only look up with a blank face at his brother, the one who he so envied. The one whose biggest enemy wanted a trade partnership with him.

“so, what was biggie talking to you about anyways? I don’t think i’ve even seen you two talk before.”

Matthew paused for a moment, looking down at his knees. “Nothing. He was just mentioning how he couldn’t wait for autumn.” He lied to his brother’s face and he didn’t know why, but it made him feel a little stronger, and he had the right to relish in that just a little bit.

August 31st, only a month from today.

Chapter Text

Vladivostok, August 31st, central square. Matthew glanced nervously around, searching for Ivan. He’d never mentioned the time, so Matthew came at 6 in the morning, insisting his boss come with him.

It was 3pm, and nothing. His boss was getting antsy. He tried to keep him calm, but by the end he’d turned around to go back to the hotel. “wait- sir!”

“You can wait here if you’d like but i’m not wasting my time on someone who refuses to show up at a reasonable time.”

Matthew contemplated for a moment, before sitting down on a bench and getting comfortable. He trusted Ivan, he really did. But, he knew where to keep his hopes.

The air of the night began to bristle against him, making his shiver and squirm. his eyes drifted to the scenery of the city, trying to ignore the bitter cold. From his prior experiences in Moscow many years ago, Vladivostok differed greatly. It was a lot smaller, and the dispersion of people made him calmer. But the cold was still something that never seemed to budge.

As his mind lingered on it, the feeling arose again and he began to shiver.

Then something warm and soft was gently wrapped around his neck, a scarf. “you look cold.” Ivan’s soft voice rang in his ears, making him flinch.

“Russia…” Matthew mumbled, staring Ivan up and down. He watched as Ivan looked around, seeming disappointed.

“so your boss couldn’t wait, hm?” As much as he tried to hide it, he seemed almost happy about it. “that’s fine. this was merely an introductory meeting, the actual negotiations are set for Tuesday. Come, let’s have a drink together.”

Matthew is pushed along before he can protest, With Ivan looking strangely energetic. He was always somewhat distant during meetings, never truly looking ‘happy’ in any regard. It’s not that he looked especially ecstatic here now, but he seemed more genuine in his reactions. Matthew had no clue why. They barely know each other!

They sit down in a cramped and humid bar, at a booth in the back corner. It was strangely intimate, but Matthew certainly didn’t want to sit at the bar. His eyes flicked around, before landing back on Ivan, who was sitting opposite him with a complacent smile.

He was staring. Hard. Matthew tried adverting his gaze but the layout of the seats forced him to stare at Ivan!

“so…” he began, pulling down the scarf Ivan had wrapped around him. “what do you feel like getting?” He stared back at Ivan, waiting for a reply. He had only begun to notice that his smile had dropped almost completely, leaving just a twitch in his lips.

“Russia?”

Ivan snapped out of whatever trance he was in, quickly putting on a smile again. “vodka. you?”

Matthew could only let out a nervous laugh. “I-i’ll get the same!” truthfully, he hardly drank aside from a few beers, usually when he was with his brother. He hated getting drunk, it only made him feel sadder than he already was.

Ivan walked up to the bar and came back a few minutes later with 4 shot glasses. He pushed two over to Matthew and two toward himself. Ivan lifted one and grinned. “to the northern alliance.” He didn’t wait for Matthew, just downing the two shots one after the other.

Feeling a little pressure, Matthew did the same, feeling the warm sting of liqueur in his throat. Northern alliance? this was just a trade partnership. He told himself it was probably nothing, and tried to strike up conversation. “so why were you so late? was there bad traff-“

“two more rounds?” Ivan didn’t wait for Matthew to respond, leaving the table and coming back with another tray of shots.

“Russia, don’t you think we should slow down? don’t wanna get wasted, right?” He laughed nervously, but it seems his half baked words did nothing, because Ivan quickly downed the next two. Matthew stared at his own.

Was be being too sensitive? maybe this is what drove people away. can he not just loosen up a little bit? He downed the shots and wiped his mouth, staring at Ivan for some kind of reaction.

His lips seemed to twitch up, and he soon started talking like normal. “you look a lot like your brother.”

Matthew stared at him, an awkward smile growing on his lips. “thanks…” he mumbled. “but it’s not pleasant being mistaken for him.”

Ivan leaned in, nodding at him to elaborate.

“first of all, no one exactly likes Alf- America. They think i’m him and- they burst out in anger! Cuba kept beating me up at one point.” Matthew sunk into the table, looking up at Ivan. “it’s horrible.”

“I don’t see it that way.” Ivan leaned down until they could whisper to each other. “Sure, it’s not all good, but you should be proud of how you look. at much as i hate your bastard brother…he’s not bad looking. There’s a reason he’s so confident.” His hand lowered to drag across Matthew’s cheek, before he sprung himself back up in his chair.

“your hotel is much too far away, why don’t you some to my apartment for the night?”

a now tipsy and wooed Matthew could only blindly follow along.

He leaned on Ivan as they walked, the sun had now set and the temperature was a stark different from the warmth of the bar. They were both silent, just enjoying the night. Matthew slipped forward with a gasp, causing Ivan to rush to grab him.

“are you ok?” his voice was stern, but still concerned.

Matthew looked up at him with hazy eyes, before bringing a hand up to rub the back of his neck. “The scarf you leant me…we need to go get it.” His voice was meek and quiet, but he was genuine. Matthew made a sharp turn and began stumbling in the opposite direction of the hotel.

Ivan rolled his eyes a little, grabbing Matthew by the arm. “It’s fine.” he said with a sigh. “i’ll be fine without it. You need somewhere to sleep.”

Matthew shook out of his grip with surprising strength, continuing his struggle back to the bar. “but— it’s a gift…” he stopped to catch his breath, giving Ovan enough time to catch back up to him and once again restrain him.

“Canada, it’s fine. really.” He was sterner than before, like a strict parent. “Forget about it.”

“no!” Matthew tried once again to break out of Ivan’s grip, but the force from lurching forward made him throw up all over himself. “ahh…” he groaned, looking up at Ivan with a wobbly lip and reddening face. “sorry…Russia…”

“let’s go.” Ivan didn’t look at him, just dragging Matthew by the arm. Matthew was sure he’d screwed up yet another relationship. His last hope was ruined because he couldn’t control himself. He followed along with little protest, trying to stop himself from bursting out in tears like a toddler.

After a long and awkward walk, they were in his apartment. It was clean and clearly well maintained, however it was cramped. However tidy it was, you could tell no one truly lived here. It made sense, Russia was always moving houses, like from st. petersburg to Moscow. It made sense to have somewhere to stay in different cities, had the occasion arise where it’d be necessary.

Still, it was clear Ivan never planned on having more than one person staying over. There was one single bed tucked away neatly in the corner. Matthew assumed he’d be sleeping on the floor. At least it beat sleeping on the streets.

“come.” Ivan said in a low voice, taking a shirt out from a drawer. Matthew did as he asked, standing in front of him curiously. Ivan grabbed onto the bottom of Matthew’s shirt, lifting it up and over his head. Matthew shrieked, but still let him continue. Ivan dressed him in one of his own shirts, it was big and ill-fitting on Matthew, but better than something covered in spew.

“thank you Ivan…” Matthew mumbled, giving him a smile. He didn’t even realise that he’d used ‘Russia’s’ real name. or that he was blushing madly.

He cleared his throat, before hanging up his coat and lying in bed. He tapped his hand on the empty spot beside him, waiting for Matthew to stumbled his way over and under the sheets with him. There was something strange about Ivan’s expression, Matthew noticed. This entire night, he never once showed a true smile. It’s not that before he was malicious, but rather that he was obviously being disingenuous.

But right now, Matthew could tell this smile was real. As much as it should ease his nerves, it only replaced his old fears with new fears. It was the way he obviously tried suppressing it, making his face twist and contort. And the sweat that rolled down his reddened face. It was unnatural yet raw all in the same.

He tore his gaze away, trying to get some rest. His sobering mind started rethinking being friends with this guy.

However Ivan seemed to feel the opposite, snaking his hands over Matthew’s hip, just gently enough so it could be marked as an accident.

Matthew just squeezed his eyes shut harder, focusing all his attention on Ivan’s softly ticking clock.

He woke up to an empty bed, and an empty house. Checking the still ticking clock on the wall, it was only 8am.

Chapter Text

He woke up to an empty bed, and an empty house. Checking the still ticking clock on the wall, it was only 8am.

Matthew wiped his eyes and headed to the bathroom to wash his face. For whatever reason, Ivan was treating him like a one night stand in his own home. He put his glasses back on and pat down his pockets until he found his phone, scrolling through a wall of unread texts.

BOSS: Where are you? Meeting arranged for 12pm. Forwarding location. Don’t be late.

ALFIE: DUDE!!! you’re with RUSSIA!?!! England told me!!! i’m coming to rescue!!!!!!

DAD: ignore Alfred.

It was all the usual, nothing particularly worrying. But there was one more, from an unknown number.

???: i took your shirt to wash. food on counter. see you at 11.

Ivan? he stared at the text before flicking his eyes to the counter, where there laid two slices of bread on a plate, smeared with a kind of marmalade. He hovered his hand over it, feeling it was still warm. Ivan mustn’t have left long ago then. He looked back at his phone and smiled. He was like a housewife. If they were human, he’s sure Ivan would make a woman very happy.

He took a seat at the counter and began to eat, shoveling food into his mouth. but as delicious as the food was, and as nice as Ivan was being, it still left him with the nagging thought— why? why was he doing all this- it made no sense.

Matthew got himself dressed and ready, heading out for the meeting, getting there just on time. He saw Ivan standing coldly behind his boss, who was sitting opposite him at a simple two way table. He gave Ivan a little wave, but he didn’t even glance back at him.

The meeting was slow and boring, filled with words he didn’t care about from people he didn’t care about. From what he gathered, the trade deal was successful, and Ivan would be spending some time with him for whatever reason.

Matthew knows he should pay more attention to these things. In the past, he’s missed some rather vital information. But he couldn’t help but daydream away no matter how hard he tried to focus. Does Russia sell Poutine? Can he get some? He sure is hungry…

His eyes flickered around the room, his legs getting sore from standing for so long. Usually he’s given a seat beside his boss at meetings like this, but for some reasons he’s made to stand behind him. He’s not all too intimidating…in fact, he’s rather weak looking. He can’t help but think it was on purpose. He looks like a stick in comparison to Ivan.

His gaze landed back on Ivan, who seemed just as distracted as him, staring down at the table, barely even blinking. Matthew couldn’t help but smile a little at it. Even someone like Ivan got bored at these meetings. It made him feel a little better that he wasn’t alone.

Suddenly Ivan flickered his eyes up to focus on Matthew, who hadn’t realised he’d been staring for so long. He quickly adverted his gaze, pretending he wasn’t looking in the first place. But from his peripherals, Matthew could see Ivan burst out in a blush, His cheeks a soft pink.

“Thank you for your time Mr. President.”

His Attention snapped back to his boss, who ended the meeting on a firm handshake. He turned to Matthew, pulling him down by the arm and whispering in his ear. “It’s about a week or so more here, then a week in Petersburg. It’s just a PR stunt for diplomatic relations, so don’t stress out, but you’ll have the Russian media coming to interview you a few times.”

Matthew’s head felt dizzy from the amount of information being dumped on him all at once. He just nodded along and tried to pull his arm from his bosses grip. He was finally let go after his boss gave him some other spiel about “minding his actions” and he left the room in a rush.

Finally, he could get some air. And somewhere to sit, his feet were killing him. Just outside the office building they were in was a small and quiet park. He sat down on one of the benches and loosened his tie with a dramatic sigh. Two more weeks here, alone in a hotel room, with his dad and brother both screaming at him as if he were the one making all the deals.

Something warm was wrapped around his neck. A scarf, the same one as before. “Iv- Russia?” He turned around, giving him a wide-eyed stare. His cold expression from before had softened, and he had a warm smile on his face. “did you need something?”

Ivan chuckled to himself, sitting next to Matthew and staring off into the distance. “We both need company. Humans need it to live.” He gave Matthew a quick side glance.

“We aren’t human though.” Matthew was confused, genuinely. Ivan always came off as the opposite of how he acted. A cold-hearted loner. That’s what he’s known him as. But the more Matthew thought, the more he realised. They had a lot in common, didn’t they?

“If we aren’t ‘human’, then what are we? Simply concepts of a people, is that it? Then what is our existence, real or fake?” Ivan’s voice is soft and his language is flowery. Matthew couldn’t make sense of a single word, but it didn’t stop him from being enamoured either way. “If desire makes a human, then I am flesh and blood.” He finishes with, his breathing shallow.

It’s silent after that. Neither of them dare to say a word for a while. They just watch the world go by together.

“Ivan?” The name catches him off guard, he quickly snaps over to focus on Matthew. “can I stay with you? i- well, i really don’t like being alone…” His voice was shaky, de-railing as his confidence plummeted.

He was silent, just staring at Matthew. The lack of response made him quiver. Did he say something wrong? was it using his first name? maybe he should just book the next flight back to Canada at this point-

“yes of course, my friend!” Ivan smiles happily, the same creepy way he usually does at meetings. It’s a complete 180 from how he was just acting, but at least he said yes? It felt off.

There was a stretch of silence.

“Why did you invite me here in the first place?” Matthew adverted his gaze, finally asking what’d been on his mind for weeks now. From that meeting last july up until now, he found it strange that it was Ivan of all people, and of all people, Ivan chose him.

“Well, for the trade deal of course.” He smiled complacently, as if the question in the first place was frivolous.

“I mean- why me ?” He tried again.

“For diplomacy.”

Ivan was avoiding the question. He knew something was up but he didn’t know how to shake the truth out of the man. The feigned ignorance reminded him of how he’s always been treated — like a child. Just thinking about it was pissing him off. Matthew stood up, not even giving Ivan a glance. He put on a small smile, giving him a mumble before walking off. “I’ll meet you back at the apartment.”

Matthew forced himself not to look back, he didn’t want Ivan to see him angry like this. He didn’t want anyone to see him like this. He walked through the city streets, paying little attention to his surroundings. He stopped in some alleyway, and pulled out his phone. Maybe it was time to respond to some of those texts.

MATTIE: it’s some trade our bosses wanted, haven’t betrayed you yet dw :>

ALFIE: a bit late, doofus. CHECK THE NEWS!!

ALFIE: i should specify. russian news, hasn’t hit our towers yet…

ALFIE: n don’t say i’m stalking i’m just checking my enemies news for battle plans. n stuff. >:(

MATTIE: defensive much…maybe you are stalking. I’ll have to tell arthur.

ALFIE: u wld nt DARE!!!

Matthew giggled at his brother’s silly messages. Right, the news. He just searched up the most recent news and saw…

“They announced it all.” He mumbled to himself, scrolling through the article. There was no way this was all written in the past 20 minutes. But didn’t they just agree to the terms? Was that meeting all predetermined? He’d planned to avoid him for as long as possible, but now he felt like he had to confront Ivan about this. He had to know something , right?

He began to make his way back, his heart pounding in his chest. His mind was thinking worst case scenario. Maybe this was all a trick, or maybe they’d somehow convinced his boss to betray America and the others.

He stopped right in front of the apartment, now gasping for breath. Matthew knew he needed to calm down but his heart was beating so fast, and he couldn’t stop fighting for air. Just as he’d felt his balance start to sway, a voice called out to him.

“Matthew!” A pair of strong hands had caught him, and when he looked up he recognised his saviour as Ivan. He was staring down at him with a pout, an almost guilty expression. Ivan leaned into him, wiping hair from out of his eyes and giving a quick check of his temperature. His hand was surprisingly warm, a welcome to how cold Matthew was.

His touch seemed to linger for a moment too long, however.

Ivan carefully helped him back to the apartment, wrapping an arm around his shoulder for support. As they made it in, Matthew felt the anger that’d been building swell up all at once, and without any thought he threw Ivan’s hand off him. Ivan stared back in confusion, closing the door behind him. “Matthew?” His words were soft and careful, and it reminded Matthew of how he spoke to his brother whenever he’d get angry. Those thoughts only pissed him off even more.

He curled his hands into fists, taking steps away from Ivan to try and calm himself. It wasn’t working. He felt like he’d explode at any minute. “is something wrong?” Ivan spoke up again, even quieter than before.

“Yes! somethings wrong! I’m surprised you’re smart enough to work that out!” Matthew growled, before quickly covering his mouth. “i-i mean…” He was taking out years of built-up anger out in Ivan, and he knew how wrong it was.

Matthew sighed, bringing a hand to his face to try and smooth out the furrowing of his brow. He took a quick glance back at Ivan, who was still standing by the door. His expression was soft, almost guilty. He looked almost like a child, if it weren’t for his stature. His chin was buried in the scarf he always wore around his neck, using it as if it were a shield.

“I’m sorry for upsetting you…” Ivan spoke, his voice soft. His eyes were focused on the grey carpet below, scared of confrontation.

“it’s fine, Ivan- I should be the one apologising. I-i’m sorry, you didn’t do anything to warrant me snapping at you- it was just a lot of build up anger I guess. You know what I’m like, yeah?” Matthew stepped forward, cautiously putting his hand on Ivan’s shoulder in an attempt to console him.

He expected a similar response to before. By now, however, he should’ve been aquatinted with Ivan’s mood swings. He sharpened his stance, now looking down at Matthew. “Did it make you feel good?”

Matthew flinched at the sudden shift, his hand drifting back to his side. “uh- well, I guess.”He answered with his heart, he had no clue what Ivan was trying to imply.

Ivan leaned in. “It’s good to let out your anger…and I can deal with a nasty comment or two…” His face had a growing blush, and his expression seemed weirdly aroused.

“Are you saying I…just…” Matthew didn’t dare to finish his sentence. He’d barely spoken to Ivan before flying into Vladivostok!

“take out your anger on me.” Ivan whispered, his voice breathy and unstable.

In no way did Matthew think this was a good idea. But with a 6 foot, 200 pound man leaning over you, he felt like he didn’t have much of a choice. After contemplating his response for a second too long, Ivan began to push him, up until they got to the single mattress tucked in the corner of the room. Ivan leaned his weight on him until he was forced to sit down, with Ivan now landing between his legs looking down at him. He felt the same as he did in that meeting room, months ago.

Matthew couldn’t stop staring at his expression. It wasn’t lust, in the usual sense, but a longing for something deeper. Despite Ivan clearly having the position of power, there was something vulnerable about him in this moment. It was more a confession than anything truly sinister And once Matthew realised that, he calmed down a little more. As he analysed Ivan, he recognised the tremors in his clenched fists, or his shaky breath that every so often let out a whimper. He was trying to give a solution to Matthew’s proposed problem.

He couldn’t bring himself to just go out and insult Ivan, but with his current situation he didn’t have much of a choice. At least, that’s what it flew like. He took a deep breath in, still staring Ivan in the eyes. He imagined that instead of Ivan, it was his brother standing there. That selfish, annoying…gluttonous piece of shit. “I-I…I can’t stand you sometimes.” He began, tearing his gaze away from Ivan. He didn’t want to ruin the illusion. “You just act like I don’t exist sometimes. It hurts me.” He took a sharp breath in, looking at the floor. Matthew felt a sting in his throat, the kind that came with digging up old memories. But he couldn’t bring himself to cry. “We’re close. We’re ’close’ when no one else is around. But when you’re with the others we are nothing.”

There was a burning in his chest, giving his more vigour than before. “You don’t remember all our times together? Are you too ashamed of it all? Yeah, that’s it, you’re embarrassed to have ever even been with  me in the first place! Yet- yet you still need me. You-“ He threw his head up, seeing a softly smiling Ivan. Not his brother. Not Alfred. Not America.

He brought a hand up to his neck, his face hot and his heart throbbing in his ears. Despite how unfazed Ivan may look, he knew he wasn’t the type to exactly wear his heart on his sleeve. He could be thinking anything. He’s glad he stopped himself before he ended up saying too much though.

“Do you feel better?” Ivan asked, finally taking a step back and letting Matthew breathe. He thought about it for a moment. Finally telling someone how he felt— or how Ivan described it as ‘taking his anger out on him’, it surprisingly felt good. Like, really good. He felt a weight lifted from his chest that he’d never known was there.

“yeah- I do. Thank you Ivan.” Matthew flashed him a sweet smiled. A smile that seemed to pierce his heart, however, because his body seemed to have a bolt of energy go through it. His usually small smile was now large and wonky, and his face had a light dust of pink on it.

“Any time, my friend. May I call you Matthew?” He asked in his usual politeness. His voice still shook a little, but he was clearly trying to suppress it.

“Of course! after all, i’m calling you by your first name.” He giggled softly, excited to have a new friend like this. It only seemed to ‘excite’ Ivan more.

“Then let us drink to it! Come, come, I have vodka here.” Matthew followed as Ivan poured them a shot each. Yet, as soon as he finished one, Ivan seemed to pass another. and another, and another. He’d ask to slow down, but he didn’t want to ruin the mood. By now, he was already dizzy and tipsy.

He didn’t know that Ivan was doing it on purpose, of course. Getting Matthew drunk and flexible. Ivan wanted to see more. He wanted to stretch him out to his very ends. He’d never once been so enamoured before. After seeing his angry, he’d made up his mind— Ivan would see each and every one of his expressions. He wanted to see him in despair, hopeful, crushed, jealous, dominant. All of it. Matthew would be his little lab rat. And the best part? No one would care if he broke him. Matthew was perfectly isolated.

Chapter Text

Ivan had and remains to be till this day, defensive and fortified. Even his own siblings, except maybe a rare occasion with his older sister Ukraine. But even those days of childish vulnerability come more scarcely than ever before. He often finds himself talking to the mirror nowadays, becoming an echo chamber for his isolation. Yet still, he felt no strong desire for company. Yes, he was lonely, and at times it pained him, sure. But he'd grown so used to it that it felt comforting. He pushed out the memories of everyone living together, at times Ivan forgot those decades entirely. It was back to how he liked it anyways. He has his own company, that of himself. 

Of course, then that day happened. That day was when it changed. He remembers getting to a world meeting early. Far earlier than usual. For what reason, he did not know. Maybe an excuse to leave the house for once. The early morning sun shone through the cheap paper thin curtains, and the table was sticky and grimey. He debated just leaving this useless meeting, but the thought of going back to his cold and empty home sent a shiver down his spine. He distracted himself with once again examining the room, to which he noticed another sitting at the opposite end of the long table. Canada- what was his name again? Mat? Matthew, he assumed, but Alfred used some dumb nickname for the poor man, giving him some rough scruff on the head. It's strange, Ivan thought to himself, he hadn't noticed the man's presence until now. He'd lived in the edge of his peripherals, the back of his head. Surely there, and surely taking his space up in the room, but not once acknowledged and not once ever making himself known. Or perhaps he had a quiet voice. 

Despite not nearly once interacting with the man in recent history, it felt as if he were an acquaintance of some kind, the kind you'd flash a smile on the street, or some surface of companionship or other. Yet Ivan could not recall a single interaction they'd had. No, not recently or even a decade ago. It almost felt wrong to acknowledge him like this so suddenly, and he soon realised he were staring with vicious scrutiny at the man, who was now scouring the room for the culprit. Ivan quickly averted his gaze to somewhere or other inconspicuous.

Then he came in. Ivan snarled, watching Alfred loudly make his entrance, walking right past his own brother and placing his dirty shoes on his dirty sticky wooden table. As inattentive as Ivan perceived himself to often be to his dear sisters, he was not the kind to just ignore them blindly. He saw this as a likely point to why Canada's presence went so unnoticed. He felt a strange sense of pity toward the man, despite having not once asked the man about his brother, he could feel that same searing pain of being forgotten, and left behind. If he were him- oh God, how one would be tempted by sin. Ivan shifted his focus back to the starting conversation and the meaningless topic at hand. 

"And I must ask you Alfred- how do expect anyone to go along with such frivilois plans of yours?" England expressed with evident labour in his voice, clearly trying to shut down Alfred obligatory senseless start to the meeting.

"Mattie'll do it! then we can invade the north pole together! we'll uncover Santa's dark secrets!" 

"How about you, Canada?” Ivan pulled himself up, his gaze once again gravitating to the other man.

“what-“ he loosened his tie, sweat rolling down his face “what was the question?”

Arthur waved his hand dismissively“never mind, it doesn’t particularly concern you anyways. What were we talking about again?”

As everyone shifted their focus, however, Ivan could still not stop staring, looking across the table at Canada, who seemed to grow more and more distressed, his eyes darting around the room and his mouth agape. Ivan pulled his eyes away before He could notice, feigning an interest in whatever useless things they were talking about now. 

Over the next 3 weeks his pity for the other grew, and it grew into a curious fascination. He found a strange mix of exports he provided, although pricey, the machinery was something his boss had recently inquired to him about. And diplomatic trade with America's not only neighbour but brother was a perfect opportunity to freak him out a little. Ivan was sure Canada would enjoy giving his brother a little bit of turmoil too, so he found it all to work out just perfectly for the two- perfect petty business, he admitted. Ivan attended the next meeting right on time, seeing Canada staring complacently at the table stretching in front of him. He had a small pout sit on his lips, and the lines of sunlight cast on his eyes, highlighting his golden eyelashes. 

Ivan found himself still and staring, only waking from his trance once others began to push past him. He pulled himself to his seat on the opposite side of the table, finding it hard not to let his gaze drift once again back to the other. However, today he was unsuccessful in going unnoticed. Their eyes met for just a moment, and Ivan swore his heart stopped for that moment. He saw the others eyebrows knit together just slightly, focusing in on him. Ivan quickly averted, instead looking to the others, engaging in meaningless small talk. But he could still feel Canada's gaze from time to time, watching him furiously. Not with malice, nothing of the sort. It was more curiosity. 

Once the meeting finally ended he approaching a quickly leaving Canada, holding him back with a hand on the shoulder. “Ah, Canada, glad I was able to stop you before you left.” He looked down at the other, giving him a patient smile. 

Canada squirmed, looking up as if frightened simply by his presence. "did you...need something from me?" Ivan strained to hear his meek reply, leaning in to catch it. 

“I was wondering if he could talk- well, diplomatic relations. You have some nice minerals, don’t you? Good machinery too—machinery we’re lacking. To put it simply, we want you to up exports to Russia.” He tried to give a more friendly grin to ease the others fearfulness, but he just further leaned away from him. Ivan realised he was probably freaking Canada out, getting up in his face with demands. He leaned back, giving a final stare to the other.

“Vladivostok, August 31st, central square. Bring your boss.”

he went to walk out of the room, but walked straight into Alfred, who gave him a glare and a snarl. Ivan looked back, seeing him acknowledge his brother for seemingly the first time. Ivan felt a strange anger at America. Not his usual kind of distain but something or other he couldn't place his finger on. He forced himself to move, burying his face in his scarf and swiftly leaving without another word.

He spent the next month thinking, skipping meeting and events and lying awake with thought. The only times he left the house nowadays were for business, because his boss looked good with him standing beside him. He remembered back to over a century ago now, how he'd sheepishly hide behind the curtains of the Czar's winter palace, watching from the sidelines for centuries, watching people be massacred in the streets and watching people starve while the royals and aristocracy feasted. He prayed for change, but no matter how many times he begged God to fix things, on his hands and knees in front of the altar, each day he'd wake up to the same.

he'd lost his faith, not daring to even look at a crucifix once more. for centuries he'd ask God to lend the people his mercy and holiness, but when they most needed it, God had abandoned them. Prayers wouldn't fill your stomach, not your wallets nor your heart. This world, so full of tragedy, has long since been abandoned by such a cruel God. The Germans were closing in closer to St. Petersburg. The once great empire was soon to fall.

Of course, as history took its path, he turned out to be wrong. But it did come to be that his prayers were answered, not by a God, but rather by the people whose complacency had run its course. 

Ivan realised that change could only come when he abandoned all he knew, once he'd truly run out of hope. And then he'd be reborn.

He found this to still hold true to this day, and realised the cure to loneliness he sook could very well be right in front of him. That of which, he'd only recently come to terms with as being an issue. He also found himself wonder about that feeling, amoung much else. He thought of how America seemed ashamed to call Canada his kin, yet got so defensive when the possible end to his isolation seemed near. Perhaps, Ivan thought, it was Canada himself which Alfred had built his confidence around. 

maybe, if Ivan could cause Canada to abandon that past self, he could cause Alfred to then suffer because of it. And along with it, maybe solve the hole in his heart.

and how this turned into a burning, seething demand for control, Ivan himself wasn't quite sure. After all, it was a strange month for many people.