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Chapter Text

« Huum... » Souji sighed, scrolling through his picture gallery on his phone.

He really couldn't get a good angle. All these were useless, might as well throw them away. His fingers tapped the multi-select button and hovered on the « delete » one, but he didn't tap on it. Nah, he'd wait a bit more. Until he really could get a good shot.

Souji sighed again, looking down. He was bored. His hand on his cheek, elbow resting on the balustrade, he had a view on all the people entering and getting out of the school. Most faces were lively. Girls in herds were chuckling in their high-pitch voices, all wearing the same uniform but trying to demarque themselves with small accessories, bracelets, ribbons or handbags. The dress-code wasn't as strict here as in other schools, thanks to Kondou-san. Even if that uptight literature teacher Hijikata-sensei would sometimes complain about someone’s style, the principal would always take the student's defense, laughing and saying that « kids will be kids ».

Souji wasn't entering by that door every morning. He didn't have any family to go back to, and was an intern here. He basically spent all his life in the Hakuou campus, from kindergarten to high school. It wasn't a problem for him, though. Family was overrated. Perhaps he had some difficulty as a kid, to understand why his friends were all going back to their mother while he was staying here, but everything changed when he met Kondou-san, the principal. He was in charge of junior high school and High school. When Souji first met him, he wanted to make his life impossible. He was so annoying with his kindness, his joyfulness and most of all, his forgiveness. Souji tried everything, from the glue on his teacher's chair, to racketeering on his comrades, and yet, every time he was sent to the principal's office, Kondou-san was telling him that he was sorry that Souji had so much anger inside him and was struggling that much with it. Even if he was only in junior high school at that time, Kondou-san came one evening to his room and asked him to follow him. He took him to the kendo club which was reserved normally to high school students and explained to him that martial arts was a good way to express all his energy and learn how to channel his anger. No words had ever been more true. From then, Souji threw himself body and soul into the practice of kendo. He was talented and Kondou-san was always praising him. Somehow, it made staying on campus less of a pain in the ass.

Souji's eyes noticed him and he put his phone on camera. Hajime was always arriving at the exact same time every morning, like clockwork. His back straight and uniform perfectly neat, his blazer underlining his lean, muscular body. The paparazzi focused and took several pictures before Hajime disappeared in a corridor to get to his locker and deposit his enormous bag. Souji opened his phone photo gallery and looked at his new pictures. Garbage again. On one, there was only the top of his head, on another, he turned his head so quickly that it was blurry and on the third one... a girl passed in front of him. No luck today... Again... And yet, he wanted that picture.

Was it okay, for a young boy, to feel so much attraction for another ? What was wrong with him ? They had sex education, the other boys in the boarding schools already showed him pictures and magazines, and with his phone, porn was only at the tip of his fingers. Yet, no one ever talked to him about boys. Only girls. It was the natural thing anyway. Boys were meant to be with girls so they could get kids, continue the specie... Then why was Souji so... deviant ? Why couldn't he fall for a cute girl like the ones down there ? Why did he have to feel so powerless, so obsessed with Hajime ? That was wrong. There was something wrong with him, he always knew it, but now it was a certitude.

Hajime-kun... The first time he saw him, it was in class, with Hijikata-sensei, maybe Harada-sensei... That wasn't important anyway. He had been transferred from a famously expensive school to the Hakuou campus, a lot below in prestige. There were rumors about the reason why. The most popular one was that Hajime took the defense of another student against the son of a powerful Yakuza and ended up hurting him, which got him fired. Hajime never confirmed or overturned these rumors and the mystery stayed whole.

So, he saw him in class. At first, he didn't care. The boy bowed and gave his name, no more personal information, then took a spot near Souji. That surprised him. There was always an empty seat near Souji. That was common knowledge. Anyone who would sit near him would be bullied, always had been since primary school. Yes, Souji changed since he entered the kendo club but still, a reputation like his, that was hard to erase.

Unfazed, Hajime took out his notebook, a pen that was probably worth more than Souji's entire belongings, and he locked his gaze on the blackboard, studious. He didn't even say hi to Souji and superbly ignored the stares and whispers until Souji eventually spoke.

« You shouldn't sit here. » he stated.

Hajime didn't detach his eyes from the lesson, but he answered nonetheless.

« My apologies. » he said « Is this the seat of one of your classmates ? I wouldn't like to be the cause of inconvenience. »

Souji's eyes widened. He really was a little rich kid. Speaking with these kinds of words and stuff... He escaped a bark of laughter and sighed.

« No. » he explained « but if you get too close to me, you're not gonna make many friends here. My reputation isn't one to envy. »

Hajime turned to him and that's when Souji noticed his eyes, like bottomless abyss, the darkest blue eyes he had ever seen.

« I judge people on their actions. » he just said as a statement « not on gossip. If it is agreeable to you, I would rather stay seated here. It is an ideal place to follow the lesson. »

« Al... Alright... » Souji stuttered before getting his composure back and pouting « suits yourself. I warned you. »

Hajime didn't answer and just reported his attention on his notebook, scribbling. That was the only interaction they had for days. The boy stayed true to his saying. He sat everyday in that exact spot, near Souji. They didn't talk, didn't even smile at each other. In a way, maybe Souji was already trying to protect him by showing animosity.

That went on until one day, Hajime showed up at the kendo club. Kondou, enthusiastic, welcomed him with a great smile and told him he could take one of the club's armors, but Hajime politely declined, telling him that he already had his. He went to the locker room with his bag and came back with a simple, yet good quality armor. He was the only one to have his own, the others using the club's ones that were already very used by all the previous students before them. That annoyed Souji, that their armors weren't good enough for « silver spoon Saito Hajime ». Yet he didn't voice his opinion. Instead, when the matches started, he chose to fight the little rich kid to teach him a lesson.

It didn't go as planned. Hajime wasn't a beginner and he made it clear to Souji. The latter never had that much fun duelling with someone before, even Kondou or Heisuke, the talented freshman. He was of his level and their fight lasted way longer than the others. Souji couldn't help but notice these blue icy flames again, behind the grid of his helmet, expressing only volition and concentration. Maybe it was then, that Souji's feelings started to make little buds in his heart. Hajime won that day, but Souji didn't resent him.

They were friends. He guessed. He wasn't really sure. They were sitting next to each other in class, going to the kendo club together, eating together at lunch... Yet, Hajime wasn't speaking much and Souji couldn't help but wonder if maybe he was bored with him, but just stayed because he didn't have any more friends.

« Whatcha doing ? Hey ! That's Hajime-kun ! Why are you looking at pics of Hajime-kun, Souji ? » asked Heisuke-kun, looking over his shoulder.

Instead of quickly closing the pic gallery, Souji chuckled and zoomed in on the picture.

« I was trying to get a pic of that cute redhead other there. » he shrugged with a smirk.

« Midori-chan ? » yelled Heisuke, embarrassed « she's in my class ! Why are you taking pictures of her ? »

« Isn't it obvious ? » Souji grinned widely « She's cute. I might ask her out. »

« Hum... » thought Heisuke « it's true that she's cute. She's a métis. Her mother is Irish. Her father went to Ireland to study distillery for whisky you know and he brought back his mother to Japan. They have a whisky distillery in town. I heard you could visit, a bit like a museum- factory... »

Souji wasn't really listening anymore. He didn't care the slightest about Midori.

« Chizuru-chan is friends with her ! » said Heisuke, enthusiastic « maybe I can ask her to figure out if she likes you ! »

« Yeah, why not. » shrugged Souji again as he noticed Hajime coming their way.

« Heisuke. Souji. » he saluted his friends.

« Good morning, Hajime-kun. » said Souji with a smirk.

« Hi ! »

Chizuru was there too with her genuine smile and she went next to her boyfriend Heisuke who grabbed her hand with a smile.

« Hey, Chizuru-chan ! » said Heisuke « can you ask Midori-chan what she thinks of Souji ? »

« Okita-senpai ? » she widened her eyes, looking at Souji « I... I can ask... »

« It's alright if you don't, Chizuru-chan. » replied Souji, annoyed that Heisuke had to bring the subject up in front of Hajime.

Yet, the latter didn't seem to react at all to all this ruckus, he already had a textbook opened and was reviewing the previous lessons before getting to literature class, his reading glasses on. The bell rang and he started walking towards the classroom without another word.

« See ya, Souji ! » said Heisuke, pulling on Chizuru's hand to go to their classrooms as well.

Souji put his hands behind his head and went to literature class, taking his usual seat next to Hajime-kun. It was boring as always. Why did teachers always have to interpret everything the authors wrote ? Wouldn't it be funny if it was all wrong ? At the end of the class, Souji stretched, ready for maths, a much more interesting class, when a girl approached the two boys.

« So... Hum... Is it still okay for this evening ? » she asked Hajime shyly.

What evening ? Souji's blood was boiling in jealousy. He took a look at the girl. Serizawa Kanna, the daughter of the kindergarten, primary school director. He hated her dad, but the girl was nice. A blondie with puffy cheeks and light blue eyes. Kinda attractive, he guessed.

« It is. » nodded Hajime « I will see you after kendo. »

« Ha ! Great ! » she smiled widely « I can't wait, thank you, Saito-kun ! »

« You're welcome. » he answered politely before reporting his attention on his notebook, studying maths this time.

« Ara, Hajime-kun... » smirked Souji to hide his inner turmoil « a date ? »

« Tutoring. » corrected his friend.

Yeah, tutoring, sure... Souji knew what that meant. Heisuke also helped Chizuru with her homework and now, they were holding hands and were a couple. And Serizawa-chan was a cute little blonde and a nice family, perfect match for « silver spoon Saito Hajime ». Souji felt the anger in his heart, creeping.

« You are such a good student, Hajime-kun. » he chuckled. « Maybe I should take some classes with you too. »

« It wouldn't be effective. » stated his friend and that caught Souji off-guard.

« Why ? » He smirked wryly, hiding his fury and jealousy « Do you only accept cute girls ? »

« It's irrelevant. » sighed Hajime « you just have no desire to learn. »

« Maybe you could help me awaken it... that desire. » chuckled Souji.

Hajime turned to him, puzzled. It was a bit cute that he didn't seem to have understood at all the undertext here.

« You know... Tutoring... That is often how love stories start. » insisted Souji, having fun and wanting to see Hajime's face all flustered if he were to understand the implications.

« I see... » nodded Hajime, understanding « you want to get better at school so you could then tutor and seduce Takahashi Midori. »

Takah... Who was that ? Ah ! Midori ! The redhead ! No ! Hajime was so blind... Pouting, Souji looked through the window and ignored his friend, but the latter didn't seem to mind, enjoying the silence.

At the end of the day, Souji went to his locker to get his training kimono for kendo and he stepped across Serizawa Kanna, chuckling with her friends.

« Yeah so I stole my father's key pass and made a double, so... »

She went quiet when she noticed Souji and he ignored her, sensing her animosity. He quickly took his bag and headed to the dojo. After the kendo club, under the heavy rain, Serizawa was waiting with an umbrella for Hajime.

« Saito-kun ! » she waved when she saw him and that alone annoyed Souji.

Hajime joined her and saluted her, confused.

« Weren't we supposed to meet at the library ? » he asked in his toneless deep voice that sounded like he had everything under control all the time.

« Ah ! Yes ! » she answered, blushing and flustered « but... The library is closed for some reason... We... We can go to my house, if you want, Saito-kun. It's not very far, my parents aren't there and I have an umbrella... »

Hajime seemed to hesitate for a second, probably wondering if it was okay to go to a girl's house alone in the evening. Spoiler alert ! It wasn't ! Souji knew that the girl closed  the library herself with her father's pass. She wanted to be in her house with Hajime, maybe she'd try to seduce him... Although stoic, Hajime was still a man, he was supposed to be weak to the other gender. Well, Souji wasn't but again, something was wrong with him. He wasn't a good example.

« Alright. » said Hajime, nodding « although I am afraid I won't be able to stay very long. »

« Then we have to hurry. » she smiled, taking his hand.

The quiet boy widened his eyes and blushed as a reaction to her boldness yet, he followed without protesting, leaving Souji alone with his doubts and angst.

Chapter Text

The next day, Souji was still leaning on the balustrade, looking at all the students getting in. It was his ritual, since he was usually the first in the high school, not because he was a light sleeper, but only because Kondou asked him not to be late in the morning like he used to. For Kondou, Souji was willing to make efforts not to sleep too much. His eyes were scrutinising every faces, wondering if Hajime and Serizawa would arrive together in the morning. Low chance in that... or maybe he was just trying to convince himself. He wondered if Hajime was attracted to girls... Even someone as uptight and stoic as Hajime probably had to feel desire sometimes...

The familiar face entered his sight and he opened the camera to try to take that damn picture. When Hajime disappeared to his locker, alone, thank god, he opened the gallery to look at the pic he took. For once, there was one nearly perfect. There were just some of his hair in the way, hiding half his face. Yet, the rest wasn't blurry and the pic was a nice shot. Souji looked at it lengthily and passed his finger absently on Hajime’s face. He escaped a bark of laughter and sighed. What a creep he was, taking pictures of his best friend and caressing his features on the screen of his phone. Pathetic.

« Hey, Souji ! » waved Heisuke from the floor and he waved in return.

Heisuke and Chizuru climbed the stairs to meet him and they were looking pretty excited.

« Hey ! Midori-chan seems to have a liking for you, Souji ! » winked his friend.

« Who ? » frowned Souji, confused.

« My classmate, Midori-chan ! » explained Heisuke, rolling his eyes « the redhead ! »

« Ah. Great. » replied Souji just to hide his secret as Hajime was joining, drinking his morning coffee from an insulated mug with a textbook in hand. His blue eyes were concentrated on the book and he was sipping without making loud sounds. It was as if he was so absorbed that he couldn't even acknowledge the presence of his friends near him.

« I was thinking, are you free on Saturday ? »

« I... Yeah, probably. » replied Souji absently.

« Great then let's plan a double date ! » smiled Chizuru, excited « Midori-chan will probably feel more at ease if it's the four of us and not you alone, Okita-senpai. »

Wait, what ? A date ? With whom ? Souji had been so absorbed by his thoughts that he didn't even realize he agreed to this.

« We could go to the fair ! » proposed Heisuke and Chizuru's eyes lit instantly.

« Oh yes ! That would be so much fun ! » she nodded vigorously « Do you like fairs, Okita-senpai ? »

« Yeah, I do... » he started but got interrupted by the morning bell.

« Great, we'll see you on Saturday then ! With Midori-chan ! » said the couple, running towards their classrooms before they got scolded by Hijikata.

« You managed to obtain a rendezvous with Takahashi Midori » said the toneless voice of Hajime, walking next to him.

« Why do you care ?! » asked Souji on the defensive, furious to have been trapped in this situation.

« Isn't it natural for a friend to show support ? » he asked in return.

Souji looked at him and wondered if this question was rhetorical or if Hajime was socially awkward to that extent and it was a genuine question. Yet, he used the word friend, that was a start, wasn't it ?

« Yeah... Well, we'll see how that goes... » muttered Souji.

« Saito-kun ! » called Serizawa, waving « I forgot to give you my number. It'll be simpler for tutoring. »

« Thank you, Serizawa. » nodded Hajime.

« I'll make you ring. » she smiled « what's your number ? »

« I don't have any. » he answered calmly.

« Oh ! » she flushed, flustered « don't... You have a phone ? » and as Hajime shook his head, she listed « Line ? WhatsApp ? Facebook ? Instagram ? You don't really strike me as the Snapchat or TikTok kind of guy... »

« I have a phone at home and there is one in the school if I need to make a call. » he said « I don't need anything else that could be a distraction to my studies. I will gladly note your number though, Serizawa. »

She gave it to Hajime, confused, and Souji smirked. That was just so Hajime. The poor girl probably expected to text with him so they could get closer. Well, too bad for her, Hajime was a wierdo.

« Everybody sit down, please. » asked Harada-sensei, clapping his hands « thank you. Today's course will still be about the Bakumatsu. So, since the commander Perry set foot in Japan in 1853, major changes started to appear in the premodern society... »

Souji's mind drifted away and he looked absently by the window. There were kids playing in the primary school area. How innocent the time of childhood could be... He would give anything to be in their place...

« Okita-kun ! »

Harada-sensei's voice took him out of his daydream and he reported his attention on the course.

« Tell me » asked his professor, bending over with crossed arms « what major battle was I talking about ? »

« Hum... Pearl Harbor, sensei ? » he tried and he heard a few chuckles, sign that this was probably a wrong answer.

« You managed to miss the target from about eighty years... » sighed Harada-sensei, holding his forehead with his fingers in despair « would it be too much to ask for you to be a little more attentive during class ? »

Souji didn't really answer, but he shrugged and reported his attention to the class and Harada-sensei smiled kindly.

« Thank you. So... The battle of Toba-Fushimi really was a turn for the Tokugawa shogunate... »

Souji couldn't help but let his mind drift away again. There was something a bit sad in this battle. Maybe if the shogunate won that one, there'd still be samurai around now. As a kendoka, Souji was more on their side, although they were on the loosing side of history. After the class, he shared his thoughts with Hajime, quietly standing next to him while he was sitting casually on the professor's desk, his legs moving back and forth.

« It'd be fun, don't you think ? To still have samurai around. I mean, at least our kendo lessons would actually be useful. »

« Japan had no other choice than to move on. » replied Hajime-kun in intense reflexion. It seemed like that subject was entertaining to him, he was talkative « Europe had a colonial politic of expansion. If Japan stopped trading with the westerns and closed its boarders, it would probably had been taken by force and added to a colonial empire as a conquered territory. A change of regime was the only way to avoid that slavery. »

« Huuuum... » sighed Souji « I hadn't thought about that... You really are knowledgeable, Hajime-kun. Are you seeing Serizawa-chan again tonight ? »

« I believe I do. » he nodded.

« How was the tutoring like ? » asked Souji with a wry smirk, already annoyed with that little blondie taking Hajime away from him.

Hajime seemed to think for a moment, looking within himself for the correct answer to that question.

« I am not sure. » he sighed « she made tea and while we drank it, she couldn't stop babbling. In the end, we only solved one math problem before I had to get back home. I hope that she will be able to manage her time more efficiently in the future. »

« What was she babbling about ? » asked Souji with a chuckle, imagining poor Hajime in this awkward situation.

« I'm not even sure I recall. » replied Hajime, furrowing his brows.

Not surprising. He wasn't a man to enjoy small talk. In fact, Souji was wondering if, kendo aside, there were things that Hajime enjoyed.

«Say, Hajime-kun » he asked, gathering his courage « Would you like to go to the fair with us on Saturday ? »

« Am I supposed to bring a partner as well ? » he asked in return, very seriously.

« No » chuckled Souji « But more folks, more laughs. It'll be fun to go with Heisuke-kun and Chizuru-chan. »

« I will come. » nodded Hajime and that warmed Souji's heart more than he would have liked to admit.

« Great. » he smiled as Hijikata entered the room at a quick pace with his brows furrowed, as always.

« Everybody sits down. Okita, off my desk now. » he ordered.

« Sure, Hijikata-sensei. » replied Souji, jumping off and regaining his seat with both hands behind his head.

Hijikata put his notes down, nearly dropping the pile angrily, and turned to his class to start his course. Already, Souji's mind was drifting away. He had no interest in literature. At least history with Harada was sometimes interesting... but Hijikata... booooring... He should have played a trick on him, that would have made the lesson a little bit more fun, but he didn't have any ideas today... he already did the glue on the pen, the pinheads on his chair, the drawings on the blackboard, the porno magazines in the middle of his books, the embarassing photoshop... nope. No more ideas. What a pity. Hijikata was the funniest to annoy, especially since he didn't have any sense of humour. He would automatically bark and yell and curse like a demon and THAT was really entertaining for Souji. He couldn't even count the pictures he had of Hijikata losing his temper on his phone. They were his favorites.

At the end of the day, there was no kendo club since it was only three time a week and Souji said goodbye to Hajime and Serizawa, leaving together again like a perfect couple. That was infuriating him. He felt the urge to kick something or someone and instead, he did as Kondou-san taught him : he evacuated his anger by exhaustion. His earbuds on, he went to the campus gym, the music pulsing in his ears to shoo the thoughts away. There, he trained diligently. His prowess with a shinai didn't have much value without physical strength. He needed to have a swordsman body and staying everyday seated at school wasn't really helping. As an intern, he had access to the gym, the pool, the athletics tracks... as long as the different clubs weren't using them. It was so quiet when everyone was home already.

« Hey Souji ! » called a voice and he removed one of his earbuds to hear better.

« What do you want, Takumi ? » he asked, recognizing the kid.

He was an intern like him, from the primary school, and he was waiting with a big grin and a football in hand.

« We're in a middle of a match and Mamoru fell. He's with Sannan-san at the infirmary. Kimigiku-san took him. We're short of a player... Please ! Come and play. »

Souji chuckled and grabbed the ball off the kid's hands, ruffling his hair.

« The other team don't stand a chance ! » he stated with a wide grin.

And it was true. Although they were kids, he wasn't going easy on them. He knew all of them by name, all interns here, like him, and he enjoyed their company. It was difficult for Souji to make friends amongst boys of his age but with kids, it was different. Like an instinct. They were still innocent, insouciant... He wanted to protect them and at the same time, he was envious. Kids shouldn't grow up. Then they come to realize how fucked up the world is.

Mamoru, the injured kid, returned after only a few minutes, holding his nanny's hand. Kimigiku-san was the one in charge of the youngsters, in the evening and at night. Most of them were considering her like a nanny or a second mother. Not Souji. She wasn't there when he was a kid, it was a different one. Yet, she was nice and he respected her. She knew how to handle kids and when to be strict without abusing of that power. Mamuru stayed with her on the side to look at the game and encourage his team until Kimigiku said that playtime was other and it was time for the evening dinner. Souji looked at the time on his phone and supposed he should head back to his cafeteria as well. He dropped by his room first to take a shower and change his clothes and joined the other « inmates », as he liked to call them. No one sat near him, as usual, but he didn't really care. He was too used to it for it to bother him.

He ate with his earbuds on, alone, scrolling through instagram on his phone. He wasn't really posting things on the platform, sometimes a few pics, but he used it more to get news of famous kendoka, Heisuke or Chizuru... Kondou, who surprisingly accepted his friend request... He noticed the small 1 near the friend button and clicked on it to find a request from Takahashi Midori, the girl he was supposed to have a date with. He accepted it and scrolled through her pics and status, trying to find interest in her. Yet, every time he was trying to find her pretty or to find things they could have in common, it was that damn Hajime who was popping in his head... Seriously, what was wrong with him ?

« That's your girlfriend ? »

Souji startled a second and then smiled genuinely to the man who just put his tray down next to his.

« You're eating with students tonight, Kondou-san ? » he asked.

« I had too much work, time flew and I got hungry. » chuckled the principal « why are you always eating alone, Souji ? »

« Not my fault. » he shrugged « but I like it better that way. »

« You want me to go ? » asked Kondou.

« No ! » replied vehemently the boy « no it's fine. You can stay here. »

« Good. » he smiled « I wanted to talk to you about a kendo competition next month. I'd like you to participate in it. You could get a bursary for university. It's important. »

« Yeah... » he nodded, thinking « yeah why not. »

« Good, I'm gonna ask Saito-kun and Toudou-kun too. Do you have an idea about what you'd like to do after high school ? » asked the principal, eating.

« I don't know... » he admitted « work maybe ? I'm not sure about university... »

« You still have time to think about it. » nodded Kondou with a kind smile.

« I guess. » he muttered.

« I'm glad you made friends, Souji. » continued Kondou « Saitou-kun, Toudou-kun... Friendship makes a man grow. Maybe they'll help you find your path, now that you're back on tracks. »

My path...

« I don't know... » he sighed « I haven't found anything I wanna do yet appart from kendo... »

« I could sign you up for more tournaments if you like. If you get spotted, you might even go to the World Kendo Championship. But you need a plan B, to land on your feet if things don't go according to plan. »

« You really think I could go to the WKC ? » asked Souji, hopeful.

« You're talented, dedicated and you train restlessly. You could go to national championship and then, why not ? But you'd have to work hard and I'm not signing you up anywhere high level until you find a backup plan. » he warned.

« Okay... » he agreed « I'll think about it. »

« Good. » smiled Kondou « step by my office whenever you want. » he stood up with his tray and his hand searched in his pocket for something. He got out a sweet and put it on the table « here, to help you think. » he winked.

« Thank you, Kondou-san. » smiled Souji, taking the sweet out of its wraps to engulf it in his mouth.

The principal walked away and Souji sucked on the sugar ball, thinking. What to do after high school ? Big question. A question too big to find an answer tonight. He'll see in time.

Chapter Text

« Cough ! Cough, cough, cough ! »

« Souji ! Get back inside ! »

« I'm fine... Don't you dare tell me what to do. »

« Souji... You're unwell. »

« Ne, will you miss me when I'll be dead ? You'll be the best with me gone. That's kinda pissing me off... »

« ... »

« Aren't you gonna say anything ? Cough ! Cough, cough ! »

« Go back to bed, Souji. I'll help you. »

« Making excuses up to bed me, I see. Are you gonna keep me warm ? »

« ... »

« Say, I love you, you know. Don't you dare forget me once I'm gone. »

« You aren't dead yet, Souji. »

« Cough ! Cough, cough cough ! Cough ! »

« Souji ? Souji ! »

Souji opened his eyes, sweating and swallowing air like someone who drowned and just escaped death. He was in his bed, in his room at the dorm. Slowly he regained his breath, the air entering his lungs comforting him more than it should, for an obscure reason he couldn't fathom. He passed his hand on his face before pressing his eyes with his fingers.

These dreams, they were getting more and more frequent lately. They were like feverish dreams, all blurry, with only spots of color, sound resonating voices, as if Souji had his head underwater. Blue... Blue waving, a light blue... a color that meant something to him, he could feel it. It was as if his dreams were a conundrum, pieces of a bigger puzzle but that he couldn't see yet.

His hand dug under his pillow for his phone and opened the note application. He opened the one called "Dream" and reviewed what was already written. A moving blue color, blood on the ground, blood on his hands, a friend, something shiny. That was all.

He thought about tonight's dream. What to add ? A lover ? Hard to tell. Dream-Souji was teasing him but the other didn't give any answers about his feelings. But he could add the cough. That's where the blood was coming from. He was coughing it. An illness ? What kind of illness could make someone cough blood ? A cancer ? Something else ? Maybe he should ask Sannan, the school's doctor. He just hoped this wasn't prophetic. He wasn't ready to die yet and especially not coughing. That looked painful.

He tried to focus, but couldn't find anything more to add to the note. That was probably stupid anyway. It was a dream. Okay, a vivid one, and frequent, and scary, and painful since it was always feeling as if he was really there, coughing his lungs out, digging his fingernails in his chest, his breath ragged and shallow, his trachea on fire... but it was still nothing but a dream.

Sighing, he looked at the time. Pretty early and it was Saturday. He scrolled through Facebook and instagram for a time and got up to turn his small laptop on. It wasn't a really good one. He couldn't play on it or anything and even photoshop was a nightmare to use with something that slow. Yet, it was his only PC so it had to do. He imported the pics on his phone and reviewed them. He binned the ones that weren't good and kept the rest. He also selected a few ones to edit. He liked photography. He wouldn't admit it to anyone though. They would probably laugh at him for having such a trivial hobby. Yet, he could find in photography a kind of liberation. He never knew how to draw or anything and frankly, he lacked imagination anyway. But in photography, it was easier, in his opinion at least. The subject was already there and he didn't have to start from nothing, just find the right angle, the right light... and he could still edit with that cracked version of photoshop he had.

Anything could become a photography, really. Sceneries, flowers, insects or the sky... But what he liked more, was people, just before they notice he was taking their picture, IF they noticed. He had hundreds of Hijikata-sensei's fury, of girls chatting, of Heisuke-kun looking at Chizuru-chan with that glimmer in his eyes that was so genuine. He liked the purity of these moments, when his camera wasn't making people uneasy and he could have a glimpse at their true selves. Next summer, he probably would work again on a construction site or something. Hard work like theses paid better than a combini or a café and with that money, he'd buy a new camera.

He had one, bought four years ago, but back then, he wasn't as good as now and his camera got old very quickly. Now, the phone he brought last summer was making better pictures and so, he was using that but that wasn't the same, even if more discreet than a real camera for his instant shots.

Vrrrrrrr Vrrrrrrr

His phone vibrated on the desk and he looked absently to see who was texting him that early in the morning. Heisuke-kun. He should have known. Didn't he realize it was Saturday ?

Hey, Souji ! About today, we thought about meeting at the fair around lunchtime so is that okay for you ? We'd eat at stands ! Answer quick so I can text Midori-chan ! 

The fair... He totally forgot about that stupid date with the redhead girl. Well, might as well try, if that girl really did like him, for a reason he couldn't fathom. Maybe having a girlfriend wasn't that bad of an idea in the end.

Works for me. I'll meet you there. 

He stretched his arms and stood up, putting on some sports clothes to go running a bit on the athletic tracks. It wasn't because it was the weekend that he should forget about his training, especially since Kondou-san was thinking about signing him to a tournament. If the principal had so much faith in him, then Souji had no right to deceive him.

He ran long minutes and went to the gym to keep training now that all his muscles were warm. When he was exhausted and satisfied, his mind free of worry, he took a quick shower and called Hajime's house, now that it was an appropriate hour.

« Saito. Who is it ? » replied a feminine voice on the phone, probably his mom.

« Hi, madam. It's Okita. I'd like to talk to Hajime-kun please. » he replied, more polite than usual.

There was no sound for a moment. Hajime's mom really didn't seem like she was a woman to enjoy small talk either, just like her son. When someone else picked up the phone, it was with a recognizable toneless voice.

« Saito. »

« Hey, Hajime-kun. Heisuke-kun texted me about the fair. We're gonna go for lunch. You're still coming ? »

« I'll be there. » he answered and Souji could picture him nod as he said those words.

« Great, see you there then. » he replied, a small smile lingering on his face.

Since there wasn't much more to say, he hung up. Someone else than Hajime probably would have been outraged by this rudeness, but Souji knew that there was just gonna be awkward silence and that his friend was glad he ended the call, not knowing how to carry on a conversation when the topic was closed. That done, he dressed quickly with a jean and a short sleeve green shirt with a small V neck. Ready, he checked the transportations to get to the fair and got to the nearest bus station.

When he arrived, the fair was already crowded but he had no problem to find Heisuke and Hajime, who arrived shortly before him. The sound of the rides and carousels was mixing into each other and with all the other stands. They waited for a bit until Chizuru joined with the redhead girl, introducing her to Souji.

« Okita-senpai, this is Takahashi Midori. » said Chizuru with a big smile, visibly enjoying her role as a matchmaker.

« Hi, Okita-senpai. » smiled the girl.

She was polite, but wasn't blushing, stuttering or anything and her smile was genuine. She seemed less shy than other girls Souji met before, probably because of the european blood in her veins... He heard that western girls were more straightforward than japanese ones... Yet, it could be just a cliché or his imagination.

« Takahashi-san. » he said.

He wasn't sure how to call her or what to say to her. She really was pretty, up close. Red hair, freckles and green eyes... Only her small nose and the shape of her face and eyes were showing she wasn't completely Irish. Maybe it could work in the end... Maybe it was worth the try to cure him from the thoughts he could sometimes have about his friend. Thinking about it, living in a dorm all his life didn't give him a lot of opportunities to hang out with girls and his reputation didn't really help to make him seem approachable by the fairer gender.

« So what do you wanna do ? » asked Heisuke, enthusiastic, and Souji was glad for this interruption since he had no idea what to say to that girl.

« I'd like to go on the big wheel ! » replied Chizuru with the same enthusiasm « and the haunted house ! »

« Oh yeah ! » nodded Midori « the haunted house ! »

« You wanna start rides straight away ? » asked Souji, lifting an eyebrow « aren't you all hungry ? »

« Chizuru, what about something to eat ? » seconded Heisuke.

Hajime was staying silent, but his gaze was focused on the food stands and there was no doubt the smells coming from them were enticing to him. The girls seemed a bit reluctant, eager to have fun instead but they changed their minds when they were proposed waffles with ice cream and whipped cream and chocolate sprinkles all over it. Souji also took one, unable to resist to the call of sugar, while Hajime and Heisuke took salty dishes.

As the gentleman he was supposed to be, Souji paid for Midori's waffle, then her bubble tea and the rides she decided to get on. They started all five of them on a rollercoaster and then lost Heisuke and Chizuru in the crowd. They searched for them a while and Midori suggested going to the haunted house since Chizuru wanted to go there. Since it wasn't a bad idea, the boys went with her. The ride in itself was pretty boring but Midori was frequently squeaking and tightening her grip on Souji's arm, everytime something a little sudden was appearing before her eyes. Somehow, that contact wasn't that unpleasant... When they got out, he sensed his phone vibrating in his pocket and got it out, reading.

Took Chizuru back home. She felt dizzy after the rollercoaster. You'll take Midori back home after your date ?

« Seems like there's only the three of us now. » signed Souji « Chizuru got ill apparently. »

« Unfortunate. » stated Hajime « then I shall get back home as well. »

« Why, Hajime-kun ? » asked Souji « You're not feeling well either ? »

« I don't want to intrude in your date. » he stated « I'll see you on Monday. »

« Do I have to call it a date for you to stay ? » smirked Souji and Hajime frowned, wondering why he was teasing him that way.

« Good afternoon, Souji. Takahashi-san. » he bowed before turning his heels.

Souji watched him go away and became gradually self-aware of the arms wrapped around his own. He quickly got rid of that contact.

« What do you think you're doing ? » he hissed, unable to hide his disappointment at being left alone with her.

« Sorry, Okita-senpai. » she replied and for the first time, she seemed flustered « I got a hold on it in the haunted house and somehow forgot... I'm sorry if it was inappropriate... »

Souji didn't answer, guarded. His stupid mind was still thinking about Hajime. He would have prefered him to grab onto his arm... He wouldn't have asked him to let go... Damn ! These thoughts again ! Here he was, with a cute girl, alone and all, and he was thinking about that... Stupid mind...

« Hey, Midori-chan » he faked a smile « you want a love apple and get onto the big wheel ? »

He'd seen that in movies. Classic date. Surely if he could put a bit more efforts into it, he'd end up enjoying her company and find interest in her, replacing that lewd attraction he had for his friend. That was the plan, anyway.

« Sure. » she smiled.

« When you're tired of the fair or of me, I'll walk you home. » he smiled, taking her hand.

It wasn't disagreeable to have his fingers weaved into her own and she blushed for the first time, which satisfied him more than he thought it would. It gave him the sentiment to be in control and have some kind of power over her. Satisfactory, as Hajime-kun would say.

Get out of my head, Hajime-kun !

He brought two love apples and they went on the wheel. Boring again. Just like the haunted house. Why would these kinds of rides be of interest for girls ? Apart from rollercoasters and rides that would make his head spin, he didn't really like that kind of stuff. Yet, he had to admit the view on the fair was nice. People, mostly families, enjoying themselves, couples hand in hand, all so small beneath him. He reported his gaze on the girl. Licking her love apple, she was looking at the horizon, her ginger hair tied in a braidwith small strands wavering with the wind. He could have picked worse, he guessed.

« Enjoying yourself, Midori-chan ? » he asked.

« Yes. » she smiled genuinely « thank you, Okita-senpai. »

He shrugged, wondering what he was supposed to do now. Kiss her, he bet. That was what heroes were doing in movies. He never kissed a girl before... Was it really that good or another overrated thing ? Guess there was only one way to know anyway...

« Hey, Midori-chan » he said, painting a confident wry smirk on his face to hide his inexperience « What do you think of that date ? »

« It's... nice, Okita-san... » she replied, flushed a bit.

She took the love apple off her face and Souji wondered if it was intentional or not as he leaned over to get his face inches from hers.

« Let's make it better. » he said and without leaving her the time to possibly deny him, he kissed her, pressing his lips on hers.

It was sweet, thanks to the love apple, and also wet. He worked his mouth on hers and she did the same. She really wasn't a shy one... He kinda liked that. She opened her mouth and let her tongue wander on his lips and he met her halfway, provoking her.

Blood on the sheets... His hand caressing a long dark mane, its tendrils spreading on the futon...

« I'm gonna die... Cough, Cough ! If you dare find someone else, I'll come back to kill you. »

Souji gasped and broke the kiss, leaving the girl confused. That vivid dream again... It was the first time for him to make it while he was still awake.

« Okita-senpai ! » said the girl « Sorry... I'm... have I been too bold ? »

Souji quickly regained his composure, smiling to the younger girl with a sly grin.

« You're not the shy type, that's for sure, Midori-chan. » he commented snidely.

« Sorry, I... » she eventually stuttered which reassured him. She was weak, he was in control.

He kissed her again, surprising her, and she timidly ran her fingers through his hair. This time, they weren't interrupted by unwanted images and he was thankful for that.

« Say, Midori-chan » he asked with a fake smile « be my girlfriend ? »

« Al... Alright... » she nodded and Souji could witness in her gaze how much that made her happy.

They got off the wheel and he eventually took her back to her house before getting back to his dorm. Midori-chan... Not a bad girl... Probably easy to prey on... He felt nothing when he kissed her, but for a first, maybe it was normal. Anyway, he didn't need to love her yet. He wasn't gonna be serious or anything. He just needed her to distract him from his troublesome thoughts polluting his mind. She was just a toy. Something to use until he eventually got an interest in girls, as nature should have made him.

Chapter Text

« Want one? »

Mecanically, Souji extended his hand to grab a cigarette from his girlfriend's packet. There, on the high school's roof, there was no one to forbid them from smoking. He learned pretty fast that Midori was going there to smoke and one thing leading to the other, he started to spend more time there as well, with her. He never smoked before, but when she offered to share one with him, he accepted immediately, not to look like a coward. He had trouble hiding that it was his first, but he managed, he guessed. The girl didn't make any remarks to him. After that first, he went to buy a packet to train and not embarrass himself if there was to be a next time, and next time there had been. Now, that cigarette was like a ritual between the both of them. Funny to have rituals, for a couple that only had been going out for two weeks and wasn't even loving each other, at least, in Souji's case.

« You smoke a lot, Midori-chan. » he commented snidely « it's true what we say about metis then. »

« What do we say about metis, Okita-senpai ? » she commented, siting down on the floor, back against the wall.

« That their parents are more laxist than japanese ones. »

« Maybe... » she sighed.

She stayed silent for a moment and searched in her handbag for her pink sparkling lighter, and lit her cigarette before letting out another satisfied sigh.

« I'm not doing this because my parents are okay with it. » she eventually said, handing the fire to Souji.

« Really ? » he asked with a sarcastic smirk « Never could have guess. I thought you were going on the roof only to enjoy the view. »

« My parents... » she started before she shook her head « forget it. It's not worth your time. »

« Aren't you considerate » he chuckled « There's nothing better for me to do with my time, right now. »

He lit his cigarette and inhaled, letting the smoke enter his lungs. It had something comforting, despite the terrible taste. Leaving the paper rod in his mouth, he leaned against the wall and slid to sit next to his girlfriend. Having him near her seemed to make her tongue untie itself. She just wanted him to ask about it in the end, not really hide it. Why do things with girls always had to be complicated ?

« My parents are barely noticing me. They work together, all their conversations are about their distillery, their products... » she said « Maybe that's why I'm doing all this, smoking, shoplifting... There's the adrenaline of course, but... I just want them to scold me, realize that I exist. Maybe in the end, I just want them to care... »

« And going out with a senpai of poor reputation is also ticking one of your boxes ? » he chuckled.

Midori smiled, her gaze locked in the horizon.

« Maybe… I don't think your reputation is well deserved, though. You're not as much of a bad boy as I thought. »

« Careful with what you wish for, Midori-chan. » he warned with a predatory grin « you don't really know me yet. »

« Maybe... » she laughed.

« Maybe seems to be your favorite word. » he commented.

« Maybe. » she repeated with humour.

« So you're doing all that to attract your parents attention ? » he asked, swallowing the smoke « Pretty pathetic, if you ask me. »

« Pathetic... Yeah, I guess. » she sighed « I'd like them to, I don't know... Ask me about my day, about class, boys, anything really... but if I can get them to punish me or yell at me, that would already be something... Indifference is the worst. Don't you think so ? »

« Not like I know what it's like to have parents. » Souji shrugged.

Yet, even if he was evasive, he could understand pretty well what the girl was talking about. Indefference... He dealt with it most of his childhood and it left deep scars yearning to be reopened. They stayed silent for a moment and Midori reached for another cigarette.

« Anyway, Okita-senpai » she asked, looking at the horizon while exhaling the smoke « aren't you supposed to be in class, right now ? »

« More or less. » he chuckled « Hijikata-sensei's lessons are so boring... I'm better off here. He's probably not gonna report my absence to Kondou-san anyway. He's probably all too happy for me to be gone. »

« Heisuke-kun told me that Kondou-san is gonna send you to tournaments. » she said after a while, breaking the silence.

« Yeah. » he smirked « I'm gonna kick all their asses. »

« Really ? » she chuckled, crushing her cigarette on the floor « are you really that good ? »

« I'm the best. » he stated with a smile « and I'm not even goading. »

« I'd like to see that. » she chuckled some more.

« Well, I'll need a cheerleader » he shrugged « What do you think ? Pompom and mini skirt. »

« Not very kendoka-like. » she laughed.

It was nice, when she was laughing and yet, Souji couldn't find any interest in her, even after two weeks, even with these moments together and the conversation they shared. Sometimes, he was wondering if the girl could sense it. Did she love him ? He was unable to love her back and yet, he would like her to love him. He would like her to be desperate for him to love her and yearning for his attention. Maybe it was just a possessive urge...

« Say, Midori-chan. » he smiled, catching her chin in his fingers while he also crushed his cigarette on the floor « I don't have much time before I have to go back, you know. »

She smiled and he drew her lips to his, kissing her. It felt wet, just wet, just like the previous times. Girls really could make a fuss over nothing, talking about heat, braziers and fluttering butterflies... Kissing wasn't like that. It was just wet. She passed a hand behind his neck and combed in his hair with her fingers. Slowly, Souji broke the kiss.

« That's the best you can do ? » he shrugged with disdain « You're not really a good girlfriend. »

The girl was startled and that was exactly what he wanted. Control. Power. To hide how defective he was. If the kisses weren’t good enough, it was her fault, not his. Or at least, he had to make her believe that. Without letting her answer, he brought the camera of his phone in front of her eyes to immortalise her confused expression and that flustered her even more. Unfazed, he stood up and stretched.

« Staying here's boring. I'm gonna head back. Lesson is almost over anyway and I'm supposed to join the others at the kendo club. »

« Okita-senpai ! » she said, beneath him « I... »

« See you tomorrow, Midori-chan » he smiled, patting her head.

He knew the girl was going to ruminate their interactions, wonder if she was that much of a bad kisser or if Souji was simply teasing her, and he liked that. He enjoyed to know that for the next hours, maybe even until tomorrow, she would think about nothing else but him. Not her marks, not her parents, him.

Hands in his pockets, he went down the stairs with flegme, whistling playfully since he was such in a a good mood. Slowly, he reached the gymnasium just in time for the kendo club and Kondou-san smiled and waved at him in the distance. Souji waved back with a grin and went to change into his kimono and hakama and put his armor on. He found Hajime and Heisuke there, getting ready as well.

« Hey, Souji ! » smiled Heisuke « I thought you'd be late ! That's not in your habits... »

« Sorry, Sorry ! » he smiled, taking his uniform off « I was with Midori-chan. »

« Ah ! You two are really getting along ! » he nodded « Chizuru-chan keeps telling me that Midori-chan can't stop speaking about you. »

« Really ? » asked Souji, lifting an eyebrow, a bit worried, but hiding it behind a smile « What could she say... I wonder... »

« I don't really know, to be honest. » shrugged Heisuke, tying his hakama « it's girls's things I guess. »

« Yeah, well, not like I care anyway. » muttered Souji with a shrug of his own.

Hajime was finishing to tie his do around him and Souji smirked.

« How was Hijikata-san's course ? »

« Interesting. » replied his friend, all to his task « It was about the symbolic in english poetry in the XIXth century. »

« Ugh… Kill me now. » Souji pulled his tongue out, disgusted « I'm glad I missed that. »

Hajime didn't answer and put his gloves on, almost ready, but when he reached for his helmet, he plunged his inquisitive eyes into Souji's.

« You smoked. » he stated.

« Yeah » shrugged Souji « Is it really that obvious ? Do you thing Kondou-san's gonna notice ? Hey, Heisuke, pass me on that deodorant you got. »

« You shouldn't smoke. » stated Hajime again while Souji was trying to cover the smell « It's bad for your lungs. »

Souji turned to him, a little annoyed to be judged that way.

« Why do my lungs matter that much to you ? » he spurted out with knitted brows.

« I don't know. » replied his friend genuinely « But somehow, it does matter to me. »

There was a bit of pink on Hajime's ears and cheeks but he covered it up quickly with his helmet. Not in his habits to wear it already, out of a duel. Not in his habits either to admit something like that this bluntly.

« Souji... »

That voice again, the one in his head that was like underwater. So frequent now... Souji wasn't only hearing it in his dreams but all the time now, like a rippling echo of a long lost past.

Ignoring his turmoil, Souji huffed and smirked, grabbing his helmet and his shinai to follow the guys. Today's lesson was not that interesting, to be honest. Only seven basic stances repeated over and over and in the end, they didn't even fight each other. Disappointing. What's the point of wearing an armor, then ? Anyway, he did as Kondou-san asked, without complaining. He probably would go running or do some musculation afterwards to be better exhausted. No way this could be enough for him to evacuate the tension in his body and mind.

« Good work today ! » congratulated Kondou-san at the end of the session « Thank you all. By the way, our city is hosting an amateur kendo competition for high school students next month. If you are interested in participating in this tournament, please tell me. »

Everyone thanked Kondou-san and the three boys all went to their sensei to volunteer, along with two other students. The principal, pleased to see that his announcement was taken seriously, wrote their names down and told them he'll come back to them with more informations when the application would be received. Satisfied, the boys got back to the locker room to shower and change.

« You don't shower ? » asked Heisuke, surprised, noticing that Souji was changing into shorts.

« Nay, gonna run a bit I guess. » he smiled « I'll shower afterwards. »

« Oh okay ! » he grinned in return « I might come with you ! If that's okay. »

« Be my guest. » shrugged Souji « you're coming too, Hajime-kun ? »

« I am supposed to meet with Serizawa-san at the library. » he explained « Kondou-san trusted me with a key so I can use it outside of study hours. »

« Serizawa-san's gonna be disappointed. » chuckled Souji.

« How so ? » asked Hajime, confused.

« Man, Hajime-kun ! » added Heisuke with a laugh « how dull are you ?! »

« And these are Heisuke-kun's words... » muttered Souji with a sigh « not really a compliment. »

Yet, even if Souji could feel the sharp pain of jealousy in his chest, knowing that the both of them would be at the library and not at Serizawa's house had something, well, not enjoyable but at least, less annoying. Hajime on the contrary, stayed silent, in intense reflexion and visibly conflicted, for someone who knew him well enough.

« I have no interest in girlfriends. » he eventually said to defend himself while his friends were still mocking him.

« Everyone has an interest in girlfriends ! » protested Heisuke with a laugh « those who are saying otherwise are liars. »

Hajime blushed red, giving unintentionally a point to Heisuke and turned around to store his armor neatly into his bag.

« I shall get going. » he muttered in a low voice, embarrassed.

« See you tomorrow, Hajime-kun ! » grinned Heisuke while his friend was almost fleeing.

The two boys looked at each other and laughed when the third was gone. They stepped out together only to find out that the heavy rain was there again. Seemed like this season, rain was persistent... They were lucky to sometimes have a day or half a day without. Souji had spent days without being able to use the athletic tracks and he was getting quite annoyed with it.

« Whoah... » sighed Heisuke « guess we're not running after all... I'm gonna go straight home... »

« As you want. » shrugged Souji, stepping out.

« Hey, you're not gonna run with that rain ?! » asked Heisuke in disbelief « are you insane or something ?! You're gonna catch death. »

« my body's hot from training and I'm tired of staying inside. I'll be fine, it'll be my shower. » he chuckled.

« I'm not sure that's how it works. » muttered his friend.

« I'll take a hot shower afterwards before dinner. » he winked and before Heisuke could try to stop him again, he ran to the athletic tracks.

The rain was falling before him like a curtain, hiding the path from his eyes which were frenetically blinking every time a droplet was falling inside them. Yet, it had something liberating. His legs were burning as he was gradually increasing his speed instead of measuring his efforts, and the air getting in and out of his lungs was feeling like burning lava. He was feeling like he could drown in this rain and at the same time, take off and fly. When the effects of the lactic acid started to make their office into his stomach, he stopped before he threw up and put his palms on his knees to catch his breath, completely soaked. He stayed that way a while, his hair getting all glued to his face like brown seaweed, and he eventually stood up again, exhausted but calm and happy. Exercise really was the best way to release all the hurricanes in his brain and heart, creeping sensations of anger and jealousy, possessiveness... all the rotten parts of him that he despised that much and yet couldn't get rid of. He raised his head to the sky and stretched, the rain still splashing on all his body, and he went back to his dorm.

People could have followed his tracks only with the puddles of water he was leaving behind him, spoiling the corridors with small muddy pools. As planned, he took a boiling hot shower to not fall ill and slipped himself into clean and dry sportswear for the evening, leaving his soaked sporting shorts and shirt to the laundry. He tried to find somewhere to dry his running shoes and eventually flipped the chair of his desk to put them on the wooden rods, hoping they would dry better that way. That done, he took a mop to clean up the corridor. The dorm was under the responsibility of the students living there, and Kondou-san wouldn’t like to know he left it as filthy for others to clean. That done, he threw himself on his bed, his hands behind his wet hair, looking absently at the ceiling. The adrenaline and dopamine released in his effort was making him feel like on a cloud and he was sinking further and further into his mattress, not even sure he'd get up to eat. He wasn't that hungry anyway. The lactic acid was still creeping in his stomach, making him a little nauseous and he closed his eyes, savouring the peacefulness in his body and soul, the softness of the mattress and the quietness of the dorm... Everyone was probably already at the cafeteria for dinner... He wondered if Hajime-kun was still at the library with Serizawa... and Midori... Was she still thinking about him ? Was he haunting her mind ? Slowly, Souji felt himself drift away.

Chapter Text

Of course he fell ill. In what universe could he have NOT fallen ill ? Clearly not this one. It progressed very quickly and the fever was already there that night, making him endure horrible nightmares of sounds and dots of color without any logic, faces of smoke yelling at him in a language he couldn't even fathom, lines distorting before his eyes... He woke up and fell back asleep several times that night, his bed drenched in sweat and his body shivering from a frozen heat he couldn't dominate. He felt weak and pretty dumb, but feeling stupid wasn't gonna help him anyway.

When his alarm rang, he felt like it was a war siren, completely lost, panicked and deconnected with reality. He should have gotten up, brush his teeth and meet the other inmates for breakfast, but his trembling weak body wouldn't allow him and so, he stayed in his bed, shivering like a leaf, until Yamazaki showed up at his door.

That guy was one of his classmates, although they never spoke much together, and also the nurse's assistant which was probably the reason why he was there today, officiating like a relay between Sannan and the students.

« Okita-kun, are you in there ? » he asked politely through the door after a small knock.

Souji felt conflicted from his desire not to be seen in that state and to be sure that Kondou-san wouldn't worry about him so he reluctantly answered.

« Yep. » he replied, surprise to hear his voice come out so weak « what do you want ? »

« You missed the first morning classes. » he stated « I've been asked to check on you. »

« Yeah, well, come in. » sighed Souji « but there's no point in checking anything... »

Yamazaki got in and got closer to Souji's bed, scrutinizing him while sitting on it. With the face he was making, Souji could decipher quite easily that his own was a total mess.

« Do you have fever ? » asked Yamazaki.

« What, you're doctor, now ? » hissed Souji, trying to keep a dissuasive aura even in his weakest state « You've seen me, you're happy, get out. »

Yamazaki nodded and got up, ready to get back to class.

« I will make a copy of my notes for you and probably be the one to bring you lunch. Are you hungry already ? I'm going to report your sickness to Sannan-sensei. He's probably going to step by with medicine to help you recover. I'll see you afterwards. »

« Can't I have a cute nurse instead ? »Souji muttered.

« Girls can't enter the boys's dorms. You should know that. » he stated again.

Souji grunted but didn't answer, turning in his bed to face the other side. At least, Midori couldn't come and see him so weak. As much as he didn't care for the girl, he wouldn't like her to witness that. He felt like he could kill her if that were to happen, just so she couldn't tell anyone.

Yamazaki got out without fuss and Souji hoped no one would come to disturb him again but nothing could have been more wrong. Sannan came to take his temperature and gave him some food on a tray that he left near his bed. He controlled his heartbeat, his blood pressure and gave him some syrup and pills to help him recover, telling him that it was nothing but a small cold and that he should get back on his feet very soon. He informed him he'll come back to control his state in the evening and that the boys in the nearby bedrooms will be notified so they could check on him at night. Souji was mortified. Everyone was going to know... Everyone... Of course, it wasn't his first time being ill and well, in the dorm, it was always happening this way, yet he still hated that. Kondou-san might step by though, that would be nice.

Just like he said, Yamazaki came back for lunch even though Sannan-sensei brought him a yogurt and some toasts, along with cold tea. He left the meal next to the untouched food, a stupid miso tonkatsu with rice, telling Souji that he was supposed to wait until he ate it.

Reluctantly, and because he wanted « mister wannabe doctor » out, Souji sat up to eat his lunch. It wasn't that bad in the end, and even if the first bites were hard, eating was helping him awaken his appetite. He ended up engulfing all the lunch and even the toasts and the yogurt before he asked Yamazaki to get the fuck out, now that he had eaten. His classmate complied without protesting, taking both the trays out and Souji sank into his bed again, not sure he had quite enough rest yet. He drifted back into slumberland but his dreams were a lot less confused now compared to the ones of the night before. Maybe the pills were helping him.

Souji... Are you awake ?

Dream-Souji opened his eyes and plunged them in the dark blue ones above him. He smiled and raised his arm, which had nothing of a warrior's anymore. His shaky hand carressed the cheek of the silhouette in front of him with the back of his fingers. They were hard to move now, cracking like the ones of an old man suffering from arthritis.

I miss it. 

What ?

Your hair. 

...

I liked them long. Cough ! Cough ! Everything is changing around me, even you. 

I do not change.

Think what you want. 

His hand fell back on the softness of the futon and he shivered from his feverish hotness, refraining another cough not to upset the silhouette. That would kill him, to upset him, even more than the poison in his lungs. 

You're dressed like a buffon. 

I came to say goodbye, Souji. I'm marching to war. 

Yeah, I figured. Don't die before I do. I'm gonna be the best at that, too. 

Souji... 

For the first time in all his dreams, the silhouette made a move towards him instead of the opposite. He drew his hand to his cheek and made the same gesture Souji did before, caressing it softly. His fingers were cold against his hot body, they haven't always felt that cold... Souji could see his eyes again, blue like deep water, tainted with a grief that was only his fault. Fuck... Life really was a bitch. 

The fingers kept lingering on his face and he closed his eyes to savour this touch he knew by heart and yet, couldn't get enough of. 

Souji...

Souji... 

« Souji. »

Souji opened blurry eyes and thought for a second that he was still dreaming. There were cold fingers against his cheek and deep blue eyes above him, and it took him a moment to focus his eyes and realize it was Hajime. The boy took his hand away as soon as he deciphered Souji was awake and its sudden absence dug a hole in Souji's heart.

« Whatcha doing here ? » he asked, trying to sound casual although the fever wasn't down yet.

« I volunteered to bring you my notes and your homework. » answered his friend « class is over. »

« It is, uh ? » muttered Souji.

« I stepped by the library and photocopied all the notes already. » continued Hajime « You don't need to recopy anything. About homework, we have an assignment due for tomorrow, but I doubt you'll be in any condition to come to class therefore, I didn't put it in the pile. If there is something that you don't understand or have trouble reading, you can e-mail or call me. I'll stay available for any questions. I left everything on your desk. Please, tell me if you need me to store it somewhere else. »

Souji glanced at the neat pile of paper on his desk and smirked. He wanted to tell him that he could store all that in the bin for all he cared, but seeing Hajime care for him, that was a first. He wouldn't like him to feel like he underappreciated his efforts. Thus, he said nothing and reported his gaze on his friend which seemed a little flustered to be here. Thinking about it, in Hajime's scale, he had been speaking like a windmill just a second earlier. He really must be embarrassed.

« Why'd'you come ? » he asked « wasn't it supposed to be Yamazaki-kun ? »

« I... » started Hajime before he paused, thinking « I wanted to make sure you were alright. Yamazaki-kun didn't object. »

Hajime's ears were tainting themselves with a bit of pink as he spoke and Souji couldn't help but find this cute. Terribly cute. Probably aware of the redness of his ears, Hajime pulled his hair slightly to cover them and that was even cuter. Before Souji could make any comment about it though, Hajime opened his mouth again.

« It was pretty stupid to go running with this rain. » he scolded.

« I guess... » sighed Souji « Heisuke-kun told you ? »

« No. » he shook his head « I could see you from the library's window. »

« The library, hun ? » smiled Souji « Still tutoring Serizawa-san ? Aren't you tired of that ? That girl doesn't care about her grades you know. Her father will modify them if necessary, he can do that. He's been doing that for all her scholarship. She's getting shitty grades all year and surprise, who's the best student in our grade at the end ? Bingo, Serizawa Kanna. If you wanna play teacher, at least do it with someone who cares. She's only doing this because you're cute. »

« Cute ? » repeated Hajime, eyes wide.

Now the blush was spreading on his cheeks and he narrowed and adverted his eyes, visibly not aware that this specific gesture was making him even cuter to Souji's feverish mind. The latter raised his hand to catch Hajime's chin, forcing him to plunge back his bottomless gaze into his own feverish one.

« Why did you come, Hajime-kun ? » he asked again, looking at his friend getting redder and redder every second that passed « Why do you care that much about my health ? First the smoking, now that. »

« I... » started Hajime, confused and embarrassed. It really was nice for once, to see him not being that stoic, broom-up-his-ass kid « Somehow... I don't like the idea of you being ill. »

« Why ? » asked Souji, eager to get any small piece of information Hajime could give him about his feelings.

« I don't know. » he answered genuinely.

Disappointed, Souji let go of Hajime's chin and reported his gaze on the window.

« Say, Hajime-kun » he sighed « do you sometimes feel like you're not actually you ? »

« What is it you are trying to say ? » asked his friend, prudent.

« I make these dreams... » explained Souji, gathering his courage « I'm dying, coughing my lungs out... I think I was strong at some point, but I'm a shadow of myself... »

« Fever makes the mind run wild. » explained Hajime calmly.

« It's not the fever. » he stated, reporting his eyes on his friend.

Souji...

« I think you're in my dreams. » he spurted out, looking at the effect of his words on his friend's placid features. It wasn't as impressive as he had wished for, but there was a small smile.

« You are you, Souji. » he stated « the fever will soon be down. »

Souji sighed and nodded. He had been stupid to expect anything from Hajime. What did he expect anyway ? Something like « yes, I'm in your dreams and you're in mine. I love you, Souji. » ? Yep, not gonna happen. Welcome to real world.

Hajime stood up and put his blazer back on, which he had neatly hung on his desk's chair, before he turned back to the bedridden with a hint of a smile.

« If you don't come to class tomorrow, I will bring you my notes again. »

« Right... » answered Souji, closing his eyes again.

« Good evening, Souji. I'm going. »

« Take care. »

And with these words, the small sound of his bedroom door and the silence. He would have liked him to stay by his side, just like the man in his dreams was always there to look after him... They had the same eyes... Hajime-kun and the man of his dreams... exactly the same... Was it why he was so lewdly attracted to Hajime ? Because of a past life with a lover who looked vaguely like him ?

So that meant that Dream Souji was gay too, then ? No hope for him... Even his past self was disfunctional, he chuckled. Sinking further into his bedding, Souji sighed, smiling. Hajime really was cute when he blushed... Maybe he should try that again tomorrow... But not too much otherwise, he might scare him away... He wouldn't like to lose his friend...

Just as promised, Sannan came back with more pills and more tests in the evening, but he seemed pleased with Souji and the fact that he ate that much. He warned the other boys about his condition and assigned one to bring him dinner, which the designated volunteer did very quickly, not to stay in Souji's presence too long. You never know, a caged and ill animal still had teeth. Without complaining, the bedridden ate all his plate before putting his earbuds on and drifting back to sleep, hoping that tomorrow would find him in better shape.

Chapter Text

Souji didn't go to class the next day either. The fever was more or less gone but Sannan instructed him to stay in his room for another day and rest efficiently. He grudgingly obeyed. On the one hand, it was nice to know that he wouldn't need to suffer Hijikata-sensei's bullshit and other boring classes but on the other hand, here, the loneliness and the inaction was killing him. He would rather had gone to train or something, get out at least, get some fresh air... Outside, the weather was quite nice. It seemed windy, but at least, there wasn't that damn depressing rain.

Since he wasn't as ill as the day before, the boredom was really fast to take him. He didn't feel like resting as much and so, he took his PC and started skimming through pics, working on edits that he had been supposed to make for weeks but didn't, too busy with school, Midori, training... Maybe he should break up with the girl. She couldn't cure him, he was quite sure of that now. There was no purpose for him to stay with her like that. Plus, it could give him an opportunity to see her desperate, cling to him, maybe cry and beg for his affection. Somehow, that thought was enticing... Never anyone loved him to the point of begging him to stay. He'd like that. Feel loved. Feel indispensable. He must be a terrible person for him to be happy when people were sad...

There were pics of Midori. He didn't realize he took that much pics of her. She was smoking, looking at the horizon on the school roof, then flustered, smiling with her eyes squeezed... So many pictures, sometimes blurry but some of them really nice. She was made for modeling. Well, like all métis, he guessed. They had that beauty that classic japanese girls couldn't have, that thing... He couldn't really put his finger on it. Maybe it was just that they were less shy ? But again, that might just be clichés. It wasn't like he was an expert in models, métis or even girls, for all that mattered.

Still no good pic of Hajime, though... Unlike with his girlfriend, he couldn't take pictures like that, on a fluke, and get him to notice. He didn't care about the ginger girl's reaction, but Hajime, that was a different story. He wouldn't like to make him upset or mad... Or worse, that he could ask him why he was doing this. What could he answer ? "Oh yeah. That's because I love you. I want pics of you that I can watch when you're not there. I miss you when you're away. I'm fucking gay. That's the blunt truth." No way. He would never admit this. Well, maybe not never but... not yet. He was too scared of flat-out rejection... Hajime probably wasn't as disfunctional as he was. He was far too serious, far too disciplined... How could he allow himself to love a boy ? Nope. No chance in that. He would find a cute girl one day, be all awkward with her, marry her, get kids because that's what you're supposed to do and live that kind of life everyone was living just because that's how things are. A boy... Could you imagine ? Silver-spoon Hajime bringing a boy home ? Dishonor. Souji wasn't dumb enough to ignore it.

He never went to Hajime's house and the latter was very discreet about it, but with the pen he used and the kendo armor, plus the uptight behaviour and the perfect neatness, it was enough to understand that he was destined to great things. Souji changed his mind. Hajime wouldn't marry a cute girl he chose, he would have a political marriage profitable to his family. That was more like it. Still, no room for him there.

Souji sighed and closed his laptop, annoyed with his stupid mind. He laid back in his bed but that was the exact moment when Yamazaki brought him lunch and so, he stayed awake a little bit more to eat under his classmate's surveillance, just like the day before.

« Hajime-kun wasn't supposed to take your place ? » he asked harshly, not enjoying to be nursed that way, especially now that he was feeling better.

« Not on health isssues. » he stated « he'll bring you his homework at the end of the day. »

« Health issues... » snarled Souji with disdain « you guy are just a classmate. Stop flattering yourself. You're no doctor, no nurse, nothing. »

« I'm still the health correspondent. » he sighed « eat, Okita-kun. »

« Don't give me orders. » hissed Souji.

« The faster you eat, the faster I'm out of here. You're not the only one looking forward to it. »

That annoyed Souji and he put extra care into eating the sloooooower way possible for Yamazaki to stay and suffer his presence that he was so eager to flee. That should teach him. When he eventually was finished, the boy took the tray, relieved, and got out rapidly, eager to return to class that, Souji could devine, had already started. Satisfied, Souji put his hands behind his head and rested, looking at the ceiling. He fell asleep at some point, but luckily, no dream troubled his sleep this time. When he woke up, he quickly went to take a shower and also opened the window, the smell of feverish sweat still strong in his room. He washed his greasy hair and dried them before going back to his room in a comfortable sportswear. Getting clean really was the final step for him to put the illness behind him. Tomorrow, he'll go to class. He didn't wait long before he heard the familiar voice behind the door.

« Souji. »

« Hai, Hajime-kun. » he yelled « get in. »

The boy quietly opened the door, carrying all his photocopied notes, juste like the day before. He put them on the desk next to the other pile and frowned nearly imperceptibly when he noticed that Souji hadn't even tried to skim through it.

« Are you feeling better ? » asked the boy, staying all stoic in front of Souji's bed.

« Yeah. » nodded Souji, unplugging his headphones « what's new ? »

« Nothing. » sighed his classmate « nothing that might interest you. »

Yet, there had to be something because Hajime blushed a little and evaded his gaze, pursing his lips.

« Really ? » asked Souji « isn't there something that happened ? That's not nice, Hajime-kun, to lie to me. »

« Lie ? » repeated Hajime, startled, the pink spreading quickly on his face.

« I already know, you know. » shrugged Souji with an predatory grin as his friend was getting totally crimson.

« I... see... Who t... told... you ? » he stuttered in embarrassment.

« Not your business. » stated Souji, happy that Hajime was actually falling for it « I just wanna compare my information. »

Hajime seemed to hesitate, his gaze everywhere except on Souji. Whatever happened, it shook him. And Souji couldn't wait to know every detail of it.

« I... I don't know why she... I had no part in this... » he mumbled after a while « I didn't mean to... »

The boy was so red he was glowing like a Christmas light string and although it was terribly cute, Souji ticked at the mention of a « she ».

« That's not the version I have. » he tried, hoping for Hajime to open up a little bit more, under the pressure.

« I... I don't understand myself how.. » he muttered, shaken « we were at the library and sitting next to each other and she... She... brushed... on... my thigh with... hand... my lap so I... she fell... Uncouth... »

There weren't proper sentences getting out of his mouth, his voice too low and shaky but Souji easily put two and two together. Serizawa Kanna made a move on Hajime. He didn't expect this to happen but maybe Hajime was so dull that the girl began to be impatient.

« Hey, hey ! Stop ! » complained Souji « I can't understand a thing ! »

Hajime stopped mumbling and reported his gaze on his shoes, looking like a lost puppy, biting his lips a little. Souji waited but nothing seemed to want to get out his mouth now that he stopped.

« Serizawa-chan touched you thigh ? » he tried to encourage his friend to speak again but the latter just nodded, looking at his shoelaces « intentionally ? »

« Y… Yes... » he muttered.

« Then what ? » asked Souji again, sensing jealousy invading his mind at the thought of that bitch's hand on Hajime.

« Sh... She... I moved my chair to... put distance but she... sat on my... my lap. » He took a deep breath and continued very fast « I don't know who told you this, but I haven't been inappropriate with her. I didn't mean to make her fall or encourage her in this kind of behaviour. It was uncouth of me to leave her there on the floor, but... »

His voice was dying again, stuck in his throat and Souji's blood was boiling when he imagined Kanna sitting on Hajime's lap, her arms draping his neck, leaning over to press a kiss on those small pinched lips that were now spurting out confused thoughts. He stood up, furious at the thought, and both his hands cupped his friend's flustered cheeks, forcing him to look up.

« She kissed you ? » he asked and Hajime looked on the side, unable to maintain eye contact « did she ? »

« No. » he replied softly.

« Did you ever kiss anyone ? » he asked out of curiosity and jealousy.

« N… No... » he answered and that was exactly what Souji wanted to hear.

« Sorry, Hajime-kun. » he sighed, firmly trapping his face in his strong palms « I'm too selfish to let anyone else have that. »

His first kiss. That was for him and him only. Hajime would remember it all his life, that Souji was the first. He leaned before his friend could protest or push him away and crashed his lips on his. Hajime's eyes widened in surprise and he put his palms against Souji's chest, pushing on it as though he wanted to detach him from his body. Unfortunately for him, Souji had no intentions of letting go. He imagined that so often in his mind, the taste of Hajime's lips. It was moist, but less sweet and wet than Midori's. It was also less soft, the lips thinner and less pulpy and smooth, maybe even a bit chapped since Hajime had been biting them in embarrassment. Yet, it also felt better, more right. Souji wanted to run his fingers through Hajime's hair, touch more of his skin... But he couldn't detach himself from his cheeks, the boy might run away if he wasn't trapped anymore.

« S...Sou...Ji... »

The voice, muffled by his lips, was exactly the same as the muffled one he was hearing in his dreams. That was way too many coincidences. Slowly, Souji parted and opened his eyes, plunging them in the wide blue ones beneath him.

« Ah... Ah ! » said Hajime with his mouth now free, his face as red as a fresh tomato.

His hands quitted Souji's chest to cover his mouth in embarrassment and he then pushed on his hands to release his head, taking a step back that was nearly a jump out of Souji's reach.

« Ah ! » he repeated again, his brain apparently broken and not able to form proper words anymore, his hands on his mouth again.

Souji didn't know what to say. He kissed Hajime. Fuck. That wasn't supposed to happen. Not like this... Not... Not at all actually ! Shit. Could he still pass it on the fever ? Perfect moment for him, known for his witty mind, to be out of words. He needed to justify that and quick. Yet, before he could say anything clever, Hajime grabbed awkwardly his bag and ran off, not even able to process that it wasn't really polite not to close the door of Souji's bedroom. The latter huffed and sighed, now alone, and casually closed the door. Shit. Hajime really didn't like that... That was affecting him more than he wished it did. He rejected him. Well, probably Souji was the one to blame anyway, he had been so blunt with the shy boy. And how could he expect things to go differently ? He wasn't lovable. No one could fall for someone like him,

« Fuck ! » he yelled, flipping the notes Hajime neatly left on his desk.

They all went flying around him and he took the chair and slammed it on the ground, breaking two of its legs, before throwing it against the wall. Note to himself, school's furnitures were a bit too easy to break. Sighing again, he held his head in his palms, pacing, trying to calm down. He wanted to punch someone, anyone, making someone feel as miserable as him, maybe even more, get the power back.

« Fuck... » he repeated again as an angry whisper, grabbing his running shoes.

There was no rain, he could go run a bit. After two days of inaction anyway, no one was gonna tell him no. Plus, he was feeling much better now, no reason to stay in bed that much. Sannan’d better not make any remarks about it or he'll erase his stupid condescending smile off his face with his fists. Resolved, he quickly tied his shoelaces and headed out, violently slamming the door.

Chapter Text

There was an empty seat next to Souji. Again. Since he kissed Hajime, the latter had been avoiding him fiercely, as much as he was avoiding Serizawa Kanna, maybe even more. He was sitting at the back of the class, in the only free spot there was. Souji couldn't help but notice that it wasn't really a practical one to follow the lesson, next to the noisy students, and that hurt him even more, because it meant that Hajime preferred to be inconvenienced than to be next to him.

Oh, he knew, all right ? He knew that kissing him had been a very bad idea. But he didn't expect the behaviour of his friend to change that much. It was almost as if Souji had the plague or something... And that had been going on for days. Maybe Souji should talk to him... But to say what, anyway ? It was kinda too late now. Hajime wouldn't listen to any of his stupid excuses or witty comments. He just lost his friend.

Well, nevermind. It couldn't have gone on forever anyway. One day, sooner or later, Hajime would have noticed that Souji was rotten inside. Better to end that friendship now. Friends were overrated anyway. He just needed kendo. That was the only thing that was bringing him joy, with his photos.

When the bell rang, he stood up and stretched his arms, pulling on his elbows before he got out of the class for lunch, his bag hung on one shoulder.

« Okita-senpai ! »

Souji smiled at the girl. She was cute today with her curly ginger hair arranged in high pigtails.

« Hi, Midori-chan. » he said with his most gentle voice « you made my bento ? »

« Yes. » she nodded, enthusiastic « I made it exactly like you asked me to ! »

« Ara, I'm so spoiled. » he chuckled « you're cute, Midori-chan. »

From the corner of his eye, he saw Hajime leave, probably to eat with Heisuke and Chizuru. Souji felt lonely again, but he reported his attention on the girl.

« Let's go then, I'm starving. » he said and the girl chuckled in response, happy.

She grabbed his hand and he let her hold it. Not that Hajime was a talkative man or anything, but if someone were to know about his kiss, he could use her as an obvious alibi to call Hajime a liar. Why would he kiss a boy with such a cutie by his side ? Midori was a very pretty girl and now, no one ignored she was his girlfriend even if most had problems to understand why. With her near him, no one would ever dare calling him gay. Plus, the girl seemed to get more and more found of him for some unfathomable reason and he needed that right now, to feel kinda loved.

« Where do you want to eat, Okita-senpai ? » she asked with a smile.

« I don't care, anywhere's nice as long as I'm with you. » he answered which caused the girl's smile to get even bigger and she blushed a little which was somehow cute.

Since the weather was nice, they sat outside on a bench and Midori got out the bento she made. It was looking really good, with rice and eggplant, also a rolled omelette and some colourful vegetables cooked with dashi. It was pretty and seemed delicious. Plus, he was happy there were a lot of proteins. He needed that as someone who was training so much. That was thoughtful of her.

« What's that ? » he asked, showing her some bread in another box.

« Garlic bread. » she smiled « my mother's recipe. »

« That's Irish ? » he asked, taking a slice of bread.

« I guess. » she nodded « my mother used to make a lot when I was little and I loved it so I thought I would make some for you. »

He didn't answer and shoved the slice of bread in his mouth. It was good, but very strong in garlic.

« Are you trying to say you don't wanna kiss me anymore ? » he chuckled « my breath's gonna be horrible. »

« I don't mind garlic... » she blushed « and... It's just that you like seasonings so much, I thought you might enjoy that... »

« I like it. » he smiled, taking another slice « you'd have to make more for me. »

Midori was radiant and that was warming his heart. He didn't need Hajime and his stupid uptight attitude. Better off without him anyway.

« What are you thinking of, Okita-senpai ? »

« Not your business. » he snapped angrily before he remembered that she was the only one nice to him recently « Your bento's good. It's better than the cafeteria stuff. »

He leaned over and kissed her, entwining his tongue with hers as her hands came clenching on his shirt. He slowly broke the kiss and ate more of his bento under the warm sun.

« Spring is nice. » said Midori after a while « I'm glad it's not raining that much anymore. »

« Yeah. » he agreed « soon, summer'll be here. »

« Are you going on holiday ? » she asked, curious.

« With who ? » he chuckled « Nay, probably gonna work all summer or something, get some cash. »

« That's nice too. » she nodded.

« Are you going on holiday ? » he returned her question, curious.

« I don't know. » she sighed « maybe. My parents didn't say anything yet. I'm not even sure they're planning anything. »

« Hey, Midori-chan. » he smiled, passing an arm around the girl's shoulders « how about we go on holiday together ? For a weekend or something ? »

« My parents would never allow this ! » she blushed red, shaking her head.

« Umm, then maybe your bad boy boyfriend will have to kidnap you... » he murmured in her ear and got satisfied when he saw the goosebumps on her skin.

« Are you asking me to run away with you ? » she laughed to hide her embarrassment.

« Why not ? You love me, right ? If you do, you should follow me. » he stated.

« I... I do love you, Okita-senpai. »

You do ?

He wasn't prepared for that. Should he say something like « me too » ? That would be a damn lie. He never expected the girl to just admit it. He was more comfortable when it was unspoken but at the same time, it made him happy, truly happy. There was someone caring about him, probably for the first time.

« So, where'd you wanna go ? » he asked as a diversion.

« Normally, isn't the kidnapper the one to choose the destination ? » she laughed again.

« I wanna go to the sea. » he stated « what do you think ? »

« Sea sounds nice. » she smiled, snuggling in his arms « we could invite Heisuke-kun and Chizuru-chan. And Saito-senpai. »

« I'm not inviting Hajime-kun anywhere. » he snapped, suddenly angry « he can fuck off. »

« You're both still mad at each other ? What happened between you two ? I thought you were best friend or something... »

« With that teacher's pet ? Don't make me laugh, Midori-chan. He just happened to sit next to me and since he was new and in the kendo club, I tried to be nice. But he's too much of a posh cunt and I grew tired of him. Appart from kendo, we don't share much anyway. It's not that big of a loss. »

« I see... » she nodded « yeah, I guess you're right. It was strange to me too that you two seemed such good friends when you are so different. It couldn't work on the long run. »

« What do you know ?! » he hissed « you're just some dumbass girl I'm dating. »

She widened her eyes in shock and he cursed himself and that witty tongue of his. It was always speaking before his mind, especially when he was hearing words he didn't like.

« I'm sorry, okay ? » he apologized, holding her tighter « I don't know why I said this. »

« It's okay... » she muttered even if all her being was shouting at him that it was NOT okay.

« You're important to me, Midori-chan. » he confessed, afraid he could lose another person that liked him « Come to the competition this weekend, okay ? I'll need a cheerleader. »

He leaned and kissed her cheek before he did the same with her lips, with restraint. The girl made a strange expression, between a sulky pout and a smile and he knew he was forgiven.

« Okay... but you owe me a date because you were mean ! »

« Deal. » he shrugged with a smile « when ? »

« After school ? » she said with a devilish grin.

« Today ? » he replied, surprised « I don't know... »

« But you don't have kendo today » she opposed with a finger in front of his eyes « it's the only free evening before the competition ! »

« What kind of date do you want ? As much as I miss sweets and stuff, I have to watch my sugar consumption before this weekend. »

« We could go see a movie ? » she proposed « we never did yet. »

« Okay, but I choose the film. » he winked.

« Okay. » she nodded enthusiastically, getting her phone out « let me just check the movies and the timetable... »

« Give me that. » he ordered, taking the phone off her hand « Hmmm... There's an horror movie that starts an hour after class. That seems perfect. Don't you think ? I can't stroll at night, I have a curfew at the dorm. »

« You really care about a curfew ? » she asked surprised.

« No. » he chuckled « but Kondou-san does. »

« Okay then ! » she smiled, nodding « let's go see that horror movie together. »

« You don't mind horror ? » he asked with a smirk.

« Not at all ! » she laughed, storing back the empty bentos in her bag « I love this kind of stuff. Ghosts... serial killers... it just fascinates me. »

He didn't expect that. He thought all girls were terrified about all that. He chose that film to witness her all quivering and scared, but if she really enjoyed that kind of stuff, it's not gonna be as entertaining. Well, at least, maybe the movie's gonna be good. He liked horror movies too. Guess he finally found something they had in common.

« It's time to go back to class already. » he said, getting up « I'll meet you after class at the campus's main door. »

« Okay ! » she nodded « I've got gym class right now... I don't understand why they put gym right after lunch, it's so stupid. Everyone is digesting and Nagakura-sensei is alway pushing us further in the effort when everyone just wanna nap. »

« Nap is exactly what I'm planning to do right now during Hijikata-sensei's lesson. » he chuckled.

Hajime will give him a summary anyway... Oh... No he wouldn't... Well, nevermind. Not like he needed some skills in literature anyway. That was the most boring thing ever. 

Souji shook his head to get Hajime out of it and kissed his girlfriend goodbye before they parted ways, each to their own class. He was a bit late at his and got mildly scolded by Hijikata-sensei before he sat down at his desk, with still that empty spot beside him as it always had been before Hajime entered his life. The latter was still stubbornly sitting in the back with the noisy kids, which were less noisy during Hijikata-sensei's lessons, the teacher quick to throw chalks to remind discipline to any student. Still, it was feeling kinda sad, that Hajime would sit so further away from him only because of a kiss that he could undoubtedly pass on his fever. He had Midori anyway, no reason for him to kiss Hajime if it wasn't for the fever. Surely, Hajime's clever mind came to the same conclusion so why, why wouldn't he even try to talk to him ?

Sighing, Souji crossed his arms on his desk and rested his head on them. He couldn't wait for this day to be over, this whole week truly, and be at the competition where he really would be able to get some steam out. He'd win. No doubt about that. He won't let anyone rob him from the first place and especially not Hajime.

Chapter Text

They went to the movie as planned but Souji wasn't sure how he ended up in this situation, kissing Midori on her single bed, in her room, in her house, with his hand under her shirt. Not that he was drunk or high or anything, but he just let the events carry him.

The movie wasn't bad, classic story of a group of friends who wanted to party in an abandoned house, the house was hanted, they split because they were the most stupid teenagers ever and everyone died one after the other. He did startle a few times though and Midori firmly held his arm during all the movie, leaning on his shoulder as if she could really be in danger. Somehow cute. They didn't order popcorn and that was clearly missing, but he promised Kondou not to eat sweets before the competition and Midori decided to support him. As the perfect gentleman he was supposed to be, he took the girl back home and since no one was there, she offered to make something for him to eat and he accepted, knowing that her cooking would be better and healthier than the cafeteria's one, and more suitable to a sportsman too. She cooked for him and he liked that, watching her cook with his cheek in his palm. He wondered if his mother cooked for him, before she abandoned him. Maybe... Not that he could remember anyway. He couldn't even remember her face or her voice. But with Midori cooking, he felt like he was part of a family.

« Won't your parents come home soon ? » he asked, eating the dish she prepared.

« Not on Mondays. » she shrugged « they have this important weekly meeting about the distillery with all the employees and after they all go drinking together. They say it maintains good relations in the team. »

« Okay. » he nodded « Their distillery really counts a lot for them. »

« More than their daughter. » she sighed « this whiskey factory is their true child. I'm just a byproduct. »

Souji chuckled, the mental image amusing him even if it wasn't really nice to make fun of her in that situation.

« You wanna taste ? » she asked suddenly, getting two small glasses out of the cupboard.

« Taste what ? » he asked before she got a glass bottle out of a cupboard.

« The whiskey. » she smiled « this one is seven years old, aged in bourbon cask then sherry cask for the last 3 years. It gives it a lot of flavours. Maybe you can catch them. »

« Okay, I accept the challenge. » he smirked as she poured a small quantity of the amber beverage in the glasses.

What was the point to use glasses that big if you only put such a small amount in them ? He had no idea what sherry and bourbon meant, but one thing was for sure, that was a drink a lot stronger and refined than all the beers he could have drunk during his summer jobs evenings. Midori then took a bottle of water and put some drops in the beverage.

« Uh ? You think I can't handle it pure ? » he smirked, a little vexed.

« No. » she chuckled « a bit of water in the whiskey helps to get the flavours out. Of course, you have to take a water as pure as possible for it to work, otherwise it alters the taste. »

« You seem to know a lot. » he commented, taking the glass she was handing him.

« Not like I have the choice. » she smiled sadly « whiskey is the only subject we discuss in this house. »

They clinked the glasses together with a « kanpai » and Souji brought it to his mouth. Indeed, it was the strongest thing he ever tasted and the liquid getting through his throat was feeling like burning lava. How was he supposed to get any flavours from this ?! Keeping his composure, he tried his best not to ridicule himself by coughing and took another sip. That one was better, his mouth already burned and ready to analyze the curious beverage.

« There's something a little... sugary... » he commented, not able to put quite his finger on it.

« Ripe apples. » she nodded and he tasted again, happy to have found something. But that's the best he could do.

« You can sense something else ? » he asked.

« I'm not that good. » she chuckled « I know the flavours because they told me : ripe apples, dry fruits, cereals and a small anise aftertaste. But like you, I can only taste the small sugary taste. I'm not very good yet, but I'll have to be, if I'm supposed to be at the head of the business one day with my husband. »

« That's why you wanted me to taste ? » he asked with a sly smile « you're preparing me ? »

« Maybe. » she winked and they laughed together.

Midori's husband... Nope. He was dating her alright, but never would he go to that length with a girl he didn't even love. Still, that business was running well, it could be a nice plan to live comfortably one day... How selfish of him to think about that when the girl was in love with him... There really was something wicked in him...

Then... Not sure how he ended up in the girl's room, but here he was, on her bed, his tongue entwined with hers and his hand under her shirt, on her side. She also had her hand on his skin and it was feeling nice, this warmth. Her hand was caressing his abs and got higher, to touch his chest that was one of someone who trained diligently for several years. He wondered if he should do the same and he timidly raised his hand on her skin to rest it on her breast. He froze, wondering if she was going to get mad, but she didn't, she just kept kissing him and he realised that that was it. It was now. The moment he finally will have sex with a girl. That was kinda scary, but no way he could show it to her. He was her senpai, he had to look more experienced. Fuck, maybe he should have watched more porn to be sure not to embarrass himself. He squeezed her breast in his hand and she moaned in his mouth, which surprised him even if it sounded a bit forced.

« Hey, Midori-chan » he asked, releasing her mouth « you're a virgin ? »

The girl blushed and escaped his gaze.

« Yes... » she muttered « but... I want the first to be you, Okita-senpai. »

« I'll be gentle. » he smiled, kissing her again.

So she was inexperienced too, then. That was relieving. It meant that she probably wouldn't notice if he was a little awkward. And maybe finally having sex with a girl would help him chase Hajime out of his mind. Shit... Hajime again... Not the ideal time to think about him... Yet his kiss felt so much better against his lips, rather than this...

Stop ! Okay, so... what to do with that breast exactly ? It was firm in his hand, held up by her bra. Should he take it off ? Was it too soon ? Should he unbutton her shirt before that ? Yeah, maybe that was a better option.

Souji made her roll and brought her on top of him, getting his hands free to unbutton her school uniform shirt, from the top to the bottom. The girl was as red as her hair, but she timidly did the same with him and soon, he could see her bra, a light shade of pink with a little ribbon, holding her breasts and pushing them up. He brushed her shirt off her shoulders and took back her breasts in his hands, squeezing them and making them roll in his palms. Midori moaned in response and it was making him really curious. She kissed him again as he kneaded her breasts and he felt her hand getting lower on his chest, his waist and onto his sides, exploring his body in the same way he was exploring hers. He became suddenly aware that if they were to continue that way, Midori's hand surely will touch his pants, or even inside his pants at some point, expecting to find a hardening bulge. The problem was that there wasn't, and Souji started to feel ashamed and afraid that he wouldn't even be able to get hard. That would be humiliating. Maybe she'd tell Chizuru... The whole school would maybe know... Without warning, he threw Midori on the side and she squealed as he nearly jumped out of her bed.

« O... Okita-senpai ?! » she asked, confused.

He looked at her, kneeling on the bed with her shirt wide open and her light pink bra, her breasts lifting themselves in rhythm with her delicate panting. How to get him out of this situation ?

« I don't think you're ready for this, Midori-chan. » he smiled while buttoning back his shirt with a bit too much haste. « I don't mind waiting for a bit. » he shrugged.

« I... You think... » she stuttered, completely lost.

« You're still a kid, in here. » he said, poking her forehead « Sorry girl, but I'm only interested in women. I’ll wait until you can really handle it. See you at school. »

The girl opened her mouth to speak, but the words got stuck in her throat and he got out with a confident smile and two fingers in the air in a victory sign.

As soon as he was out of her house, he started running, first because curfew was passed and second, because it was the only thing he knew was effective to calm him down. He easily climbed the grid and got swiftly back in his room, and it was only then that he stopped running. Fuck... He nearly passed for a complete idiot...

Souji... 

And that voice in his head, never shutting up... Couldn't he get a bit of rest from all this shit ?

Sighing, he went to the bathroom and cleaned himself, looking down on his shaft and wondering if something was wrong with it. He could still easily picture Midori's cute face, her light pink bra, her breasts moving up and down... and he stayed completely flaccid. Maybe girls couldn't even cure him in the end...

Letting the water flow on his face, he took his shaft in hand and started to stroke it, eyes closed, imagining Midori kneeling before him with her cute curly ginger pigtails, her freckles and her emerald eyes aiming straight at him while she had his hard member in her mouth. He started to stiffen a bit while he was stroking it, but the mental image changed in his mind, sapphire eyes replacing the emerald ones, long raven-like messy locks replacing the curly ginger ones... a strange version of Hajime, one with long hair tied in a side ponytail, his face flushed with a light shade of pink, his hands tied in his back with what seemed to be a scarf of some kind...

« Aah... Aah... » moaned Souji, intensifying his stroking.

Although Hajime was tied, he didn't seem to dislike it, sucking on Souji eagerly, his tongue swirling around him, applying just the right pressure to make him moan uncontrollably.

Souji put his other hand on the shower wall to help him up, his right hand still firmly stroking, but in his mind, it was weaved in Hajime's long mane, pulling slightly on it to make him understand how he enjoyed that and how he wanted more of him.

« Aah... Aah ! » he hissed and groaned, his seed released in his friend's mouth who didn't seem to mind.

All the contrary, he swallowed it and crawled his tongue on his underside to catch every single drop of it, eyes closed as if he was tasting something incredibly sweet.

Panting, Souji opened his eyes, looking at his seed in his open hand. Really... No way to get Hajime out of his mind, uh ? Now, he was even imagining him with long hair and stuff... It would suit him well though... and his mouth working on his shaft...

He shook his head and cleared his mind of this mental image. Couldn't he think about his girlfriend like any normal guy ? Will he never be able to get hard for a female ? That was kinda terrifying, to be that deviant, especially when the only person he loved wasn't loving him back.

He rubbed his body with the soap and got out, a towel on his hair. He jumped on his bed and looked at the ceiling for a time, trying to picture Midori and get aroused by her, to no avail. Hajime was always coming back in his mind, his hands tied in his back with that white scarf, his long hair, his deep blue eyes, burning with a cold flame of lust. He became hard again and stroked himself under the covers, hoping it'll help him find sleep.

Chapter Text

« Aoutch ! Souji ! »

Heisuke, ass on the ground, took off his helmet and massaged his aching throat where Souji's shinai brutally landed in a perfect tsuki. Even with bamboo swords, a good blow wasn't something nice to take, especially in such a sensitive area. His breath was ragged and air had trouble getting back in and out.

« Fuck... That hurts... »

« Sorry, uh ? » said Souji, giving him a hand to stand with a wry smile.

« Pff... » sighed Heisuke, grabbing his friend's hand « you could have been less of a brute. »

Maybe. It's true that he hit the freshman with a bit too much strength, but on the other side of the dojo, in his line of sight, Hajime was patiently fighting a beginner and that was driving Souji mad. Hajime never had the patience to teach and would never step in Kondou-san's shoes. The only reason for him to be fighting that guy who didn't have any talent was that he was still evading Souji in all of their everyday interactions. Even at the kendo club, even with the competition tomorrow... They needed to practice together, be ready, but Hajime was too stubborn and Souji too prideful. If the rich kid wanted that much to evade him, be it. Fighting Heisuke was great too anyway, except when Souji's anger was guiding his hand.

« Good job, everyone ! » said Kondou-san with a big smile « I feel like everyone's ready for tomorrow ! Sato-kun, Ito-kun, I still need you to give me back that paper signed by your parents before the bus ride ! Think about it, or I'll have no choice but to mark you as forfeited. »

« Thank you, Kondou-san ! » said the students all in seiza.

They all stood up, ready to remove their armor and get to the showers when Kondou-san called again.

« Saito-kun, Souji. Come here, please. »

The boys couldn't help but glare awkwardly at one another before they joined their master who was looking at them with a compassionate smile.

« Boys, I know that's not my business, but you two have been avoiding each other for a few training sessions now. » he said and Souji couldn't agree more, that wasn't his business. « You two are my best students and I know you used to be good friends. In friendship, we sometimes say or do things that hurt the other unintentionally, but that doesn't mean that we have to become enemies. Hijikata-sensei, Nagakura-sensei and Harada-sensei all confirmed to me that you were avoiding each other in their classes too. As friends, if something bothers you, you should try to talk it out. »

Hajime stayed silent, his head bowed in respect as if he was getting scolded for wrongdoing. Souji, on the other hand, crossed his arms and addressed Kondou-san firmly.

« What ? You're worried we can't give our best if we're mad at each other ? » he spurted out and he saw Hajime react slightly at his words « We don't need each other to win. I'll win that competition for you, Kondou-san. Don't worry. »

« We are a team. » replied Kondou-san « the Hakuou Academy team. Even if you win the solo matches, it doesn't mean anything if we don't win as a team. You have to work together with Ito-kun, Sato-kun and Toudou-kun. Souji, as the team captain, I count on you to maintain good relationships. »

« I'm captain ? » asked Souji, surprised.

« Yes. » nodded Kondou-san. « You'll be the Taisho, last to fight. Saito-kun, you'll be before him, Fukusho. »

« Understood. »

« I let you choose who you want to put as Sempo, Jiho and Chuken, Souji. » continued Kondou-san « it will be a good exercise for you to learn teamwork. »

« I can do team work ! » he hissed « just not with him. »

Hajime turned his eyes in Souji's direction without a word and the latter immediately regretted his last words.

« Make an effort. » frowned Kondou-san « The Hakuou Academy never won a single competition since I took direction... It won long ago and I would love to see this club come back to its former glory. I know you all can make it, if you cooperate. »

« Understood, Kondou-san. » bowed Hajime politely.

« Right, yeah, we'll win that competition for you, Kondou-san. Wait and see. »

« Good, I'm happy you boys can act responsibly. You can go. »

They both bowed and headed to the locker room together without exchanging a word. Everyone was already gone and they stayed in this awkward silence that was so heavy on Souji's heart. They removed their armor and Hajime seemed to hesitate to get into the common showers, which made Souji huff.

« I'm not gonna follow you in there or anything, if that's what you think. »

« No, I... » started Hajime, blushing a little and avoiding Souji's eyes.

« Listen, what happened when I was sick, well I was sick, okay ? I said weird things, I did weird stuff, I was sick. End of story. »

« I wasn't... »

« Sorry to break your little fantasy or something, but you're not that irresistible, okay ? Don't flatter yourself. »

« Alright... » replied Hajime, completely flustered under the sudden verbal aggression that he had trouble understanding.

« I have a girlfriend. » continued Souji with teeth clenched, and he couldn't help but think that all his babbling wasn't helping at all, which was making him even more angry and making him spurt out even more nonsense. « She's a lot cuter than you are so you see, that's stupid. Stop making fake scenarios in your head. I have nothing for you, okay ? Nothing. So, just go take your damn shower, or go to hell or whatever. None of my concerns. »

Hajime looked back at Souji's face and nodded. It was so hard to figure out what he was thinking... Did he believe him ? Did he not ?

« Anyway, you better do your best tomorrow to win that competition because if we lose because of you, I won't ever forgive you. So get your shit back together and make Kondou-san proud. »

Attack was the only defense he knew. If Hajime had a problem with him, that was a thing, but if he disappointed Kondou, that'd be another. Kondou seemed to have great hopes for this competition. Souji knew the principal used to study here when he was their age. He founded the kendo club, he made the academy shine through his victories. Now the kendo club was only a shadow from this past. Some of their armors were that old, no prizes were ever won... and no funding to buy new ones. Kondou-san would probably feel elated to see that Souji's team could live up to his. And for that, he'll need Hajime.

« Alright. » nodded Hajime with a soft smile, which was the first one Souji had the chance to see in days « I will try my best. »

« Okay, then. » growled Souji, still mad « I'll see you tomorrow. I'll let you take that shower alone. »

He'll shower at the dorm. It wasn't as if he had far to go. Leaving Hajime some privacy was the nicest thing to do in their situation, he guessed. He took a cigarette out of his packet and put it on top of his ear. He'll smoke it outside behind the gymnasium to calm himself down. Hajime frowned at the sight, but didn't say a thing. Without another word, Souji headed out. The spring wind sent a few cherry blossoms in his hair and he leaned against the wall, legs crossed, to light his well-deserved cigarette. As he was expiring the smoke, he raised his gaze on the flowers dancing in the wind... So many cherry trees were planted in this school... The sky was almost all pink... Tomorrow, he'll win for Kondou-san, with or without Hajime.

The next day, Souji almost missed the bus, forgetting to set an alarm like an idiot. He was fortunate Kondou came to pick him up at the dorm. He quickly dressed and followed the principal to help him put the armors and shinai in the small bus. When they were done, the four other boys were here and they all departed for the competition. Souji easily won his first individual matches and his eyes kept searching for Midori who was supposed to be there to cheer on him, but he couldn't see her... Maybe she didn't even come... At time out, he grabbed a cereal bar offered by Kondou-san and listened carefully to all his suggestions to keep winning. Heisuke did well too, losing only a match, just like Sato and Ito. Hajime, like Souji, was undefeated.

They decided that when it'll be time for the teams to fight, Heisuke would go first, then Sato, Ito, Hajime and him. Heisuke was very good. Putting them in first position would scare their adversaries , thinking that he would be the weakest. With their minds disturbed, Ito and Sato would have a chance to win their matches. And then... If the other team were to get back their confidence, they'll crash against Hajime who won't give them any chance. That was the plan and Souji was very proud to be captain of this team. They'll win without a doubt and bring a prize back to Hakuou Academy for Kondou.

Another highlight was that Midori was here in the end. She brought some refreshments for everyone and Souji was glad to see her. It was nice to have someone who cared. She was a bit disappointed that he didn't have any time to spend with her though. When he wasn't sparing, he was watching the others spare. Especially Hajime. And that's when he saw him lose. A beginner's mistake, something that couldn't have happened to Hajime. Not him. Not with his focus and talent. And yet, he did lose to someone far under his level. Souji couldn't believe his eyes. Hajime removed his helmet and glared at him for a second before he disappeared in the locker room.

« Okita-senpai ? »

« Wait here, Midori-chan. » he said, already following his friend « I'm coming back soon. »

He was nearly running to get faster to Hajime, but when he finally saw him, he didn't know what to say. The boy was throwing tap water on his face, small droplets dripping off his locks and chin.

« You lost. » said Souji, not knowing how to start that conversation. Not sure that the way he started it was the ideal one though.

« Indeed. » answered Hajime without looking up.

« What happened ? That guy was an amateur. You should have won. » he added.

« I... » started Hajime before he shook his head « it's nothing. »

« ‘Nothing’ doesn't make you lose matches. » he stated.

« I got distracted. » replied the boy with a hint of annoyance in his toneless voice.

« Distracted ? » repeated Souji, lifting an eyebrow « how come ? »

Hajime let out a sigh and looked at his face in the mirror above the sink. He answered calmly, without looking at Souji.

« You were watching. »

Souji's eyes grew wide and he clenched his fists and clenched his teeth in anger.

« So that's it ? You can't even bear my presence, now ?! It's my fault you lost ?! »

« I never said that. »

« You lost because you got distracted, and you got distracted because I was watching. That's what you said. So it's my fault, isn't it ?! Go ahead, blame me ! »

« I don't blame you. You inquired on the reason why I got distracted, this is my answer. »

« If you lost, that's your problem, not mine. » continued Souji « I never should have come here because I was worried ! »

« You were worried ?! » asked Hajime, surprised, walking towards him.

« Forget about it. It's just because you're in my team, okay ?! »

« Souji... »

Souji...

« Shut up ! » yelled Souji, not sure if he was speaking to Hajime, or the Hajime in his head.

Hajime stopped walking and Souji felt even more furious, grabbing his kimono.

« Just say it ! » yelled Souji « if I disgust you, if you wanna stay away from me, if you hate me, just say it ! »

« Let me go ! » ordered Hajime, writhing to escape his grip.

Souji had no intention to let go before he could get an answer, but the boy was moving so much, his hands pushing his own away, that he was starting to have difficulty holding tight. Hajime eventually was the one to let go of his hands, but instead of stilling, he punched Souji's cheek with all his might, sending him ass on the floor tiles. Murderous intent woke up from the humiliation but before he could counter attack, Kondou barged in.

« Boys, everyone's looking for you, you're next ! » he scolded « come on, come on, hurry ! »

« Which one, Kondou-san ? » asked Souji, getting up.

« Both. » he smiled, taking each of them by the shoulders to push them out of the locker room « you're fighting each other. »

Chapter Text

Souji put on his helmet and entered the shiaijo, the combat area, in front of his adversary. He was still inhabited by fury and the eyes behind the grid in front of him reflected the same passionate anger, although maybe a little more controlled. Ready, they made contact with their shinai before slightly taking a step back to be at duel distance and waited for the shinpan to allow them to start.

« Hajime* ! » they heard and their shinai clashed against one another with violence.

They were good. Really good. And of the same level. Every attack Souji could launch was deflected or evaded, and the same could be said about Hajime. That fight was intense, a lot more than their previous encounters, each of them refusing the possibility of the other winning over them. Blow after blow, the combat was gaining in violence. Souji didn't know what Hajime was thinking, but he knew very well what he wanted. Humiliation. Defeat. Pain. All that for Hajime, who dared abandon him, put their friendship behind him, steal his friends like Heisuke and worse, was blaming him for it.

He quickly leaped on the side to evade a kote, on his wrists, and countered with a tsuki on Hajime's throat, that his adversary deflected quickly, exposing his back.

That was against the rules, to hit him on the back but at this point, Souji didn't really care anymore. He attacked without any hesitation, but Hajime's shinai unexpectedly came in protection and aimed for his throat with tremendous speed. He quickly put his head back and lost balance for a millisecond, making him quit the shiaijo.

« Point to Saito. Okita out of zone. »

Souji gritted his teeth and got back in position. Hajime may have scored the first point, but he won't let him score another one. And a point like that one, not even a reason to be proud for that uptight idiot. He won't touch him. That was an oath he made to himself.

When the shinpan gave the signal, the match resumed with the same intensity, but Souji's mind was even more focused on crushing Hajime. The latter defended for a while before the aggressive behaviour of his opponent began to piss him off or something. Quiet, calm Hajime was letting go of the tight leash of his emotions and Souji smirked behind the grid of his helmet. That was the first step for Hajime to start making mistakes.

Their shinai clashed restlessly against one another, splinters of bamboo getting ejected, but not enough to break their swords. Nothing existed anymore around them apart from their duel.

« Stop ! »

Maybe they heard and decided to ignore it as soon as it passed the barrier of their ears or maybe, they didn't even process it, too absorbed by their duel, unable to stop first and let the other have the upper hand on them. They were aiming at each other's throat, with rapidity and strength, waiting for their opponent to make the fatal mistake that would insure them the point.

« Stop ! You both stop, right now ! »

Kondou's voice this time, and Hajime's eyes drifted to the principal for a second, allowing Souji to land a powerful tsuki on his throat. The boy gagged and behind the grid, his eyes seemed to pop out his skull, as his body lost balance, making him land on his ass. Souji chuckled, delighted to have scored a point and a real one, not that « out of zone » bullshit, and waited for the shinpan to give it to him, but instead, he got violently tugged by his kimono behind his neck.

« You idiot ! » scolded Kondou, and never had Souji seen him that pissed before « You're proud ?! »

« That's not kendo. » said the first shinpan while the other two were helping Hajime to get up « you're disqualified. »

« Disqualified ?! » repeated Souji « I was winning ! »

« You're both disqualified. » specified the shinpan « You're unfit to participate in a kendo competition with that state of mind. You were trying to hurt each other instead of winning an honorable match. You two can go back to the locker room and get dressed. You won't need your shinai anymore today. »

« Wait ! » called Souji « the team matches... »

« With two members out, your team is disqualified as well. »

« No... No, let us fight ! » yelled Souji « it's fine, we're sorry ! »

« Kondou-san... » started Hajime, already by his side.

« You heard the shinpan, boys. » he crossed his arms and sighed in disappointment while the other man was leaving « it's over. »

« Kondou-san, I... » started Souji, but the words got stuck in his throat.

« Get changed. » ordered their coach « you stay in that locker room until Toudou-kun, Sato-kun and Ito-kun are done with their individual matches. Then, we're going back home. Take this time to reflect on your behaviour. Both of you. »

« Yes, Kondou-san. » they answered as one.

It's with their heads down that they both joined back the locker room without a word for each other. In there, Souji ruffled his bag to find his soap and clean clothes and Hajime did the same, quietly. In the end, it was him who broke the silence.

« I'd like to apologise. » he said softly, looking inside his bag as if he couldn't stand to hold Souji's gaze.

« Apologise to Kondou-san. » snapped Souji, not in the mood for this.

Kondou-san put so much hope in him... He named him captain, he trusted him with a team, he let him practice kendo a lot earlier than the others... and Souji was feeling like he just spit in his face. The taste of ash in his mouth wasn't going away and he bit inside his cheek with so much force that he felt the coppery taste of blood invade it. Fuck... How will he be able to look Kondou-san in the eyes now ? He told him kendo would be good for him, that it'd help him canalise his anger... But as soon as he was mad at Hajime, he saw red and forgot all about respect and rules...

« I'm gonna shower. » he said, getting in the common showers with his soap « I don't want your apologies. »

Truth was that he probably needed to apologise too, but he'd be damned if these kinds of words were to leave his mouth. He had too much pride for that. Under the water, he let his thoughts run through his head. The feeling of anger still so vivid in him was overwhelmed by culpability and unfairness. Yes, he fought a bit too hard, but what was the point of wielding swords if not to win ? And that wouldn't even have happened if Hajime hadn't punched him in the first place !

« Fuck... » Souji whispered, both his fists against the wall.

He was feeling crushed by that guilt over his head, the disappointment he caused Kondou-san... Could it already signify the end of his career as a kendoka even before it started ? Will Kondou-san ask him to quit the club ? Will Hajime have to, as well ? If Souji hadn't provoked him, Hajime would have kept fighting honorably. He was the one to blame for his friend going berserk...

« Ah... Ah... »

The weight on his shoulders kept getting bigger, strangling his throat and making him unable to breathe properly. His respiration started to get ragged as he felt the air coming in being anything but salvation. It was a rotten air, something spoiled, something poisoning him. He kept breathing faster, uncontrollably and felt the dizziness as dots of color started to appear randomly before his eyes.

« Souji ? » he heard when he felt the coldness of the tiles on his cheek « Souji ! »

Hajime was suddenly by his side. He kneeled and got back up as quickly, running away and leaving Souji to die under that shower. There was no oxygen in that air, nothing for him to breathe. It was painful and the first time for him to experience something as intense. It was terrifying.

Something covered his mouth and he would have liked to push it away, but the grasp was too strong and his hands too weak. He saw Hajime's blue eyes above him, his face mouthing words that he had trouble understanding, even if he put all his focus on it.

« Souji, breathe. »

The thing on his mouth and nose was a paper bag and it was swelling and reducing with each of Souji's inspirations. Somehow, it calmed him down and he managed to get back control on his lungs. When he was feeling better, he sat up, making deep exhales. Hajime slowly took away the paper bag and stayed alert for any sign of panic again.

« Fuck... » sighed Souji « I... Thanks... »

Not in his habits to thank someone or to show his weak side, but that was already too late with what happened.

« What was that ? » asked Souji, massaging his throat.

« A panic attack. »

« I don't panic. » he replied a bit aggressively « I never panic. »

« I see. » nodded Hajime, certainly not eager to get into another pointless argument.

Hajime smiled faintly and made a move to get up to leave him some space, but Souji caught his wrist.

« Why did you help me ? I thought you hated me. » he stated.

« I don't hate you. » replied Hajime calmly.

Souji hid the surprise he felt when he heard that. Of course Hajime was hating him. Why would he evade him that much if it wasn't for hate ?

« You're soaked. » smirked Souji, mocking his friend.

Hajime probably rushed to him while the water was still running in the shower. He was still wearing his kimono and hakama, but they were drenched. Yet, his composed friend didn't seem to mind.

« And you are naked. You should put some clothes on. »

Souji's eyes drifted to his own body and he quickly released Hajime's hand. Not that it was a problem to be naked in a common shower, but holding another man's hand while naked, that was another story.

« I'll let you change. » stated Hajime, getting up « you can keep the paper bag if it comes back. I also advise you to quit smoking. If you get panic attacks, lungs in bad condition will make it worse. »

« Should I answer with 'yes mom' ? Let me deal with my own stuff, alright ? » he answered angrily while watching Hajime walk away. The other didn't reply but when he was at the door, Souji spoke again. « thanks again. »

« I don't hate you, Souji. » muttered Hajime without turning to face him and Souji could see that his ears were totally red « I... I also see you. In my dreams. I need time to figure it out. »

That was unexpected. Hajime had these dreams too ? So... What, they were... connected ? Something like that ? From a previous life ?

« Okay... » replied Souji, getting up « I mean, yeah, that's freaking scary I know, and... Nevermind, I'm sorry I kissed you, and... Let's figure it out, okay ? »

« Yes. » whispered Hajime, getting out « alright. »

Alone, Souji quickly wiped the water off and changed his clothes, leaving the shower free for Hajime. Then, the two of them waited as instructed in the locker room for their comrades to join.

« Do you think one of them's gonna win ? » asked Souji, breaking the silence « I'd like to see that. »

« I don't know. » replied Hajime.

« Maybe Heisuke-kun. » he shrugged.

« Perhaps. »

They stayed silent again for a while, that uncomfortable subject between the both of them that none wanted to address first.

« Does it still hurt ? » asked Souji suddenly « my tsuki. »

« It's bearable. » answered Hajime, absently massaging his throat « it will probably induce a bruise. »

« Sorry. » muttered Souji.

« Don't be. » smiled his friend with a bark of laughter, looking at the floor tiles in front of the bench he was sitting on « We both acted like idiots. I am also to blame. I need to discipline myself better. »

« Me too, I guess. »

Again, that uncomfortable silence. But this time, they were able to look at each other and laugh of their own stupidity.

« Do you think Kondou-san is gonna throw us out ? » asked Souji again.

« No. » they both heard and they turned their heads to see their sensei entering the locker room, followed by their comrades.

« Kondou-san ! » yelled Souji, relieved and ready to apologise.

« You two get in the bus. » he ordered and they bowed their heads and obeyed, leaving Heisuke, Ito and Sato to get clean without even having time to ask them about their results. Once in the bus, they only waited a few minutes before their coach joined them.

« Kondou-san. » started Souji « I'm sorry. We're sorry. »

« We owe you apologies, Kondou-san. » continued Hajime « our behaviour was unacceptable. »

Kondou watched them in silence, arms crossed and he eventually sighed and smiled kindly.

« It's my fault. » he said « I never should have thrown you into competition without insisting more about the values of the kendoka. I pushed you into the necessity to win. »

« That's not true, Kondou-san ! » erupted Souji « you are a good sensei, the best sensei ! We behaved like idiots. »

« Damn right, you did. » he nodded « don't expect me to sign you into competition before you prove that you can handle it. »

« Thank you, Kondou-san. » they answered as one.

« And that's not all ! » he added with a finger in front of their eyes « you two are getting a special punishment ! »

« What is it, Kondou-san ? » asked Hajime.

« At the next training session, you're bringing a cake ! And a chocolate one ! » he laughed and the boys smiled.

They were lucky, very lucky, to have a sensei like Kondou-san. Not going to competitions again and a chocolate cake didn't seem that bad of a punishment.

Chapter Text

« So what do you have ? »

« Not much more... I see the blue color, like you... We're warriors that's for sure... Japanese... and there's a war. »

« Yeah okay, but... More specifically, about us. » insisted Souji.,

Hajime passed a hand in his bangs, playing with the pen he had in hand in the school library, uncapping it and capping it again with his thumb.

« I think we are... coworkers. » he muttered.

That wasn't really the word Souji was expecting and he put both his hands behind his head, looking up at the ceiling and balancing his chair.

« I think it's more than that. Friends at least. » he objected « Anyway, I am dying. »

« I look after you. » confirmed Hajime.

« It's an illness. » continued Souji « I cough blood, I have fever and my fingers are cracking... I even cough some... Solid parts... maybe I'm literally coughing my lungs... »

« Maybe we could ask Sannan-sensei about it. »

« Not important, not like I am still ill. » he shrugged.

Hajime scribbled some more on the paper, pensively, and Souji leaned over to have a look. It was basically a summary of what they have in common so far.

« What do your dreams look like ? » he asked, curious.

« Sometimes you're bedridden. In others, we kill people or I fight with you. Often, you refuse to eat. »

« How can I fight you or others in my condition ? »

« I think it's before you get ill. » he said, writing some more.

Souji sighed. They decided to exchange about their dreams, but it wasn't helping at all... Plus, Hajime's ones didn't seem as... (gay ?) as his. Or maybe he was hiding it, but if he did, he would have blushed or something... The quiet boy wasn't really good at keeping secrets. But no, he was impassive. Was it all Souji's imagination in the end ? Maybe there wasn't anything like a romance between them... Some flashes of the scene he saw in the shower popped in his mind and he shook his head. Okay, that wasn't his imagination. That was pretty clearly gay as hell.

« Anything else to add ? » asked Hajime, looking at him.

« No, nothing. » he quickly said before his friend could notice someone was off.

Hajime reread their notes, concentrated, and stayed silent for a while, still playing with his pen.

« It doesn't make any sense. » he sighed.

« What doesn't ? » asked Souji.

« These dreams, us. » he muttered « all that concept of souls and previous life... »

« You don't believe in reincarnation ? »

« I never thought about it... » he kept muttering, eyes locked on their notes « There must be a rational explanation. »

« Yeah, well, good luck finding one. » chuckled Souji « I tried that too. »

« We have history class about the Bakumatsu. We see each other everyday. Our school uniforms are blue. We are both in the kendo club. » listed Hajime « this all might be a coincidence induced by our subconscient. »

« Pretty stretched out theory. »

« Still more believable than souls linked across time. »

« I think the word you're searching for is soul bonding. »

Hajime furrowed his brows and pursed his lips, intensely thinking.

« That's for soulmates. It doesn't apply here. »

Yeah sure...

There was no point, thought Souji. Hajime was sure that there wasn't anything between them and he wasn't gonna insist on convincing him. Game over.

« I'm gonna pick up Midori at her club. » he informed his friend « you're staying here ? »

«For a while. » he sighed, folding the paper to get another book out « I want to take a head start on next year's program before the break. »

The break... Yep, in a few days it was the short spring break and then, they only had one year to spend together here in Hakuou school. Hajime probably was planning on university and Souji, well he still wasn't sure. Time was passing too fast for him to get a hold on it. He'd probably work anyway. He spent all his life here, as soon as he could enter the dorm, but at the end of next year, his room will be another boy's one and he'll have to go. He'll have to find somewhere else to stay, pay the rent, make his own meals and all this adult stuff. And for that, he'll need money.

« You're going anywhere for the spring break ? » asked Souji.

« No. » Hajime shook his head to deny, his nose already dug into his math textbook.

« Yeah, me neither. » smiled Souji « Kondou-san said that the kendo club activities will continue if we want. »

« I am not sure my studies will allow me to keep being part of the club in april. »

« What ? » gasped Souji, incredulous « but... you like kendo. »

« I do. » confirmed Hajime « but Kondou-san isn't planning on signing us up to tournaments anymore and so, I have few prospects to gain bonus points for university by practicing kendo. If you correlate this situation with the time spent practicing the sport, the math isn't in favour of my future. »

Souji frowned. Hajime had some nerves to shove that in his face again. It was his fault if they were forbidden in competition and now, one of the things he really enjoyed, duelling with Hajime, was on the verge of being taken away from him because of his own despicable behaviour. Yet, he didn't comment. He was still too proud to apologise, he'd rather live with the consequences than come back on what happened. On his neck, Hajime was still having a bruise where Souji landed his tsuki. It was a big one and Hajime was often massaging it absently, every time his eyes were absorbed by a book. That was annoying Souji. Not because of Hajime's gesture, but because of his guilt.

« Don't you know the saying 'a healthy mind in a healthy body ? Kendo's your only way to relax, don't even dare to contest that fact. You're gonna burn yourself out by studying too much. »

« Even if that's true, my chance to get into the university I want is a once in a lifetime opportunity. » frowned Hajime « I think it is a little sacrifice to drop kendo for a year. »

« And then never getting back to practicing it. »

« That's a possibility. »

« You can't be serious. » pouted Souji « Who am I gonna fight ? You're not fun. »

« Indeed. » he nodded « weren't you on your way to pick up Takahashi-san ? »

Souji huffed and picked up his bag, seeing that he wasn't wanted anymore here. He was glad they were friends again, but when Hajime was getting into the « learning robot » mood, the best option was to leave him alone.

« See you later. Or tomorrow. » he said on his way out.

Hajime didn't reply, but that wasn't really surprising, concentrated as he was. Souji sighed again and took the direction of the athletic tracks, where he was sure to find Midori. She was in the club, like Chizuru, and apparently, she was gonna go to competitions too next year. Nagakura had high hopes for her.

He put his elbow on a barrier, hand on his cheek, and nearly got a cigarette out before he remembered they were banned on school grounds. Maybe he could just go a little farther... but no, he'll crack one with Midori after her training, not that long to wait in the end. He wasn't addicted anyway.

Trying not to think about it, he reported his gaze on the athletic tracks where the girls were running hurdles. They were good, not making any barrier fall during their race and Nagakura was running next to the tracks, unlike most PE teachers who would just wait near the tracks, a chrono in hand.

« Come on ! Come on ! Yukimura, you're running like a girl ! »

Well, she's a girl, you idiot.

Most teachers would have been more careful with that kind of language, but Nagakura-sensei in the heat of the moment, well, had a filter that was... outdated. Most students weren't taking it personally though, but he once had a few problems using offensive words as cheering and it didn't sit well with some parents.

Souji smirked and got out his phone, taking a few pictures.

« You're a creep. »

He turned on himself, ready to fight anyone who said this but his gaze met Heisuke's smiley face.

« What about you ? » he chuckled « are you coming here to watch hot girls in shorts ? Hormones are tingling you, Heisuke-kun ? »

« Hey, you're the one taking pics ! » he yelled, vexed. « Don't try to reverse the situation ! »

« Whatcha doing here ? »

« Chizuru's family is away, so I’ll take her back home after school. »

« Back home, huh ? » Souji smirked wider.

« O... Hey ! No ! » yelled Heisuke again « It's dangerous for a girl outside in the evening ! Okay ?! I stop at her door ! »

« That's not my business. » shrugged Souji even if the smile lingering on his face was eloquent.

« Hey ! Stop, okay ! I... Chizuru's not that kind of girl, anyway... » he muttered and it was really difficult to know if he was praising her or regretting it « and I haven't met her parents or anything, so... I don't even know why I'm justifying myself to you ! You probably think everyone's like you ! »

« Like me ? » repeated Souji, lifting an eyebrow with a pout.

« Yeah, don't play innocent with me. You're teasing all the time and you're going out with a métis. We all know they're not as shy as Japanese girls. Midori and you are probably already doing it. »

« That's not your business. » hissed Souji « and metis aren't that different. »

« O... Okay... Sorry Souji, I didn't mean to... »

« I haven't touched that girl, if you really wanna know. »

« Ah, hum... Okay... » he muttered, wondering when he put his foot on that slippery slope.

Souji stayed silent not to throw his fist in Heisuke's face and instead, he watched the tracks again. He didn't love Midori, that didn't mean people were allowed to talk shit on her back. Not as long as he'll be her boyfriend. Heisuke was probably able to read his mood because he didn't try to talk to him again, conscious that he was walking on eggshells. They stayed in relative silence until the girls stopped practicing and both Midori and Chizuru ran to them.

« Hey ! » said Midori with a huge smile.

« Heisuke, I'm gonna get my bag and a shower and then, I'm ready ! »

« Take your time, Chizuru ! » he grinned. « I have nothing better to do anyway ! I mean ! Not that I would rather do something else ! I'm glad to walk you home ! »

Chizuru chuckled and ran back to the locker room.

« I'm going too, you wait for me ? » asked Midori.

« No, I was just planning on watching and then go when you're finally here. » shrugged Souji.

« Ah... Really ? » she asked, disappointed.

« If you hurry, I might stay. »

« Are you teasing me ? » she asked again, crossing her arms.

« Clock's ticking. » he smiled, shaking his phone in his hand.

Midori squinted her eyes, distrustful, and ran back to the locker room. When she came out, Souji was still there of course. Chizuru and Heisuke left together and the other couple hid behind the gymnasium to exchange a few kisses and a smoke.

« I should go home. » said Midori after a while, held in Souji's arms between his legs.

« Want me to walk you home like Heisuke-kun ? »

« No, I'm fine. » she smiled « You have a curfew. »

« As if I cared. »

« I thought Kondou-san cared. » she chuckled.

« Yeah... Yeah, I guess. » he muttered.

He didn't want to walk her home anyway and he didn't want to upset Kondou-san. It was still pretty early, but Midori's house was far and no way he could go there and back in time.

« You go, then ? » he asked.

« Yeah, I can't stroll too much. »

She got up from between his legs and he stayed on the ground, leaning on the gymnasium's wall. She kissed him goodbye and waved to him when she disappeared around the corner. The weather was still nice outside and Souji got another cigarette out to smoke it in this relative silence of wind and bird chirping.

« Hey, Saito-kun ! What's that ? »

Souji turned his head to glimpse behind the wall when he heard that name. In front of him, two boys and a girl were laughing at Hajime, his books in hand.

« That's a hickey ! » chuckled the girl loudly « and a big one ! »

Hajime passed a hand on his bruise, hiding it and getting redder and redder with every second that passed.

« Who gave you a hickey, Saito-kun ?! »

« He's hiding his game pretty well ! You know, Kanna-chan told me he attacked her in the library ! »

« No... That's... »

One of the guys pushed him and Hajime didn't defend himself, holding his books tight not to make them fall. Souji knew he had the strength to fight back if he wanted to. It was making his blood boil, to see him accept to get bullied that way.

« Hey, Saito-kun ! You didn't tell us where this hickey was coming from ! » continued the girl, curious « I wanna know ! Kanna-chan wanna know too, it pissed her off you know, you showing off that hickey like that. »

« It's not... » Hajime kept blushing, his face as red as a tomato now.

The guy pushed him again, trying to make him fall, but Hajime's feet placement were those of a fighter. These dumb guys couldn't notice it, but if they were to push him again, they might be surprised to see that the blushing shy boy could actually throw their asses on the ground. Souji extinguished his cigarette on the wall and threw it in the nearest bin before joining them.

« Stop that. » he crossed his arms, a dark animosity in his eyes.

« Okita-kun, that's not your business. » frowned one of the guys.

« Souji, it's fine. » confirmed Hajime.

« You all go now. Not gonna repeat that. » said Souji, impassive while he opened the collar of his shirt a bit more and rolled his sleeves up his arms.

« Or what ? » replied one of the guys « you're gonna beat us up ? »

« That's the plan. »

« You have such a white knight, Saito-kun. » the girl giggled.

« We should go. » said the last guy.

A wise piece of advice. That guy knew Souji in junior high, they've been in the same class two years in a row. He knew what he was capable of.

« We were just playing. » he confessed, pulling on the sleeve of the girl.

« Next time, I wanna play too. » replied Souji with a smile that had nothing charming.

The three bullies went away and Hajime furrowed his brows at Souji, pursing his lips.

« Souji... »

« Don't say anything. » he shrugged « I know you could have kicked their asses. I also know you didn't because you can't afford to have a disciplinary note on your file. You didn't need to be saved, but hey, if your university matters that much to you, then as a friend, I have to help you reach your goal. »

Hajime smiled genuinely, tilting his head a little and Souji felt his cheeks heat a little, embarrassed.

« Plus, I kinda did that to you... And they're right, it looks like a freaking hickey. Wear a scarf or something. »

« R… Right…. » Hajime flushed, his gaze avoiding Souji's « thank you, Souji and... see you tomorrow. »

« Yeah, okay. »

Hastily, Hajime turned his heels and nearly fled away, without looking back.

Until the change of year, he came to school with a scarf to hide his bruises. Souji didn't hear anything about students picking on him again.

Chapter Text

The new school year was already upon them. For Souji, it didn't make much difference. He was there last year, stayed there during the short break and now, he was still there, in the campus, watching everyone come in as usual. Except that this day was a little different, everyone was more excited, more pumped. Girls were chuckling even louder and boys hitting each other's backs like comrades, enjoying the blissful elation of starting something new. It wouldn't last of course. Hijikata-sensei probably will make a speech about seriousness, righteousness, integrity... And then give them hellish assignments even if the year just started. It was fun, to see all the newcomers, the freshmen, looking all shy and lost, staring at the campus's plan in order to find their building and classrooms, while the others were just joyfully bantering.

« You're in my class ! »

« Yeah ! So cool ! »

« We're with Sakai-kun too ! »

Everywhere, Souji could hear these kinds of exclamations and see girls jumping together, holding hands, elated to be with their BFF for one more year. He checked the panel before the gates opened, he was with Hajime, Serizawa Kanna and all the same folks as last year basically. Only a few names were unknown to him. He also saw that Midori was with Chizuru and Heisuke again. Not much change in the end.

« Good morning. »

« Good morning, Hajime-kun. » smiled Souji when his friend joined him « my, what a face you're wearing. »

He was concerned. Hajime looked like he hadn't slept for days, or like he had just seen a ghost. He was pale, with bags under his eyes, and with a larger insulated mug of coffee than usual. That amount surely could keep a horse awake.

« I used the break to review most scientific disciplines since they are my weakness. » he explained « I can't be lenient. »

« You can't kill yourself of exhaustion either. » frowned Souji « take a break once in a while. Seriously, the year hasn't started yet. »

Hajime didn't reply and took another sip from his giant coffee mug. Really, that boy had always been serious the past months they shared together, but this year really seemed to be a whole new level of stress for Hajime.

« You're not wearing that scarf anymore. » he commented.

« It wasn't necessary. The bruise is gone. » he explained, massaging his throat and sipping some more in that coffee that seemed to be the only thing keeping him standing.

« Eh... Maybe I should make another one... »

« S... Souji ! » blushed his friend, eyes wide « A.. Another... »

« Another bruise, obviously. » he shrugged. « Next time you'll fight me at the kendo club, be prepared. »

« Ah… Sure... »

Souji lifted an eyebrow, perplexed before his lips curled into a teasing smile.

« What exactly have you been thinking about ? »

« Nothing ! » protested his friend, getting redder and redder « The kendo club... I told you I might not have time... »

« I know. » nodded Souji « I talked to Kondou-san and he agreed to leave me a key. If you can't make it on classical club hours, we can go later or earlier in the morning. Wouldn't you like that ? »

« Why are you insisting so much on me not dropping kendo ? »

« Because you like it. Because I like it. And I want to fight you. Simple as 2 plus 2. » he huffed « Are you really gonna leave me without an adversary and let me get bored to death ? That's not nice, Hajime-kun... »

« I'll see what I can do... »

« You know if I have to drag you to the dojo with your tie, I'm gonna do it. »

Hajime didn't answer and Souji smirked, satisfied that all was back to normal. He could tease him, fluster him and Hajime would stay his friend this time, as long as he wasn't kissing him. That was enough. That was already more than he deserved.

The bell rang and both boys started walking in the direction of their classroom. They weren't in a hurry, or at least, Souji wasn't. Their homeroom teacher was Hijikata this year, whom Souji despised, and anyway, anyone knew that the third row sit near the window was his, like all the previous years. As usual, there'll be an empty seat beside it too, which would be Hajime's. Nothing new, nothing out of the ordinary except their class name changing from 2-3 to 3-3.

Both boys sat down and Hajime, studious, already got out a fresh notebook, a pencil, a rubber and his pen out of his bag, organising them on his desk with perfect neatness while Souji put his hand in his palm, looking out the window. He only turned an unimpressed gaze towards their teacher when Hijikata walked in, as pissed as ever. All students got up from their seats to salute him and sat back again, tense and expecting the worst from the demon literature teacher.

« Good morning. Today's the first day of your last year in Hakuou high school. » he started with a curt voice « If you think this is gonna be all fun and games, think again. This might be the most important year of your life and I expected nothing less than the best from you all. As your principal teacher, your results on tests are my results. I will tolerate no laxity or sloppiness. If anyone slacks off, he's out of my class and off to the principal's office. »

The silence was deafening, Hijikata’s amethyst eyes scanning the room like a security camera. They stopped on Souji a few times, but without any comment.

« Good. » he said « This year, we also integrate a new student. Please come forward. »

It was a blond with a cocky grin that shouted smugness in a mile's radius. The boy slowly walked to the front of the class and bowed before presenting himself in an unusual deep voice for a teenager.

« My name is Kazama Chikage. »

Clac. 

Souji turned to see where the sound was coming from and saw Hajime with the two halves of his pencil in hand, looking at Kazama with an expression of surprise and something more, animosity, maybe even hatred... His fierce blue eyes were burning and Souji was almost surprised that the new kid wasn't lit on fire already. But he just kept smiling and bowed to the class in a very obnoxious manner.

« I hope we will all get along and spend an... interesting year together. »

With those words, an introduction as plain as ever, the new kid returned to his seat and Hajime's eyes followed him, as if ready to jump on him.

« You know that guy ? » asked Souji, surprised by his friend's reaction.

Hajime didn't answer. He could as well have shouted in his ears, no reaction at all. Not that Hajime was a talker but damn, he was at least polite enough to answer genuine questions normally.

« Hey, Hajime-kun. » repeated Souji, really concerned now.

« Ah... My apologies. What ? » answered his friend, not spacing out anymore.

« You know him ? »

« No. » Hajime shook his head.

« You broke your pencil in half. » observed Souji and Hajime looked down on his fist, blushing a little.

« It's nothing. » he answered curtly « it was unintentional. »

« Yeah well that happened exactly when the new guy said his name so don't expect me to let it go. There's definitely someth... »

Clac!

Souji dodged with ease the chalk that was aiming directly at his face and the white rod hit the window's glass.

« Okita-kun » barked Hijikata-sensei « if you wanna babble, you can do it in the principal's office. Or you can shut your damn mouth ! »

« Yes, Hijikata-sensei ! » he answered with a grin.

« Shut it. Playtime's over ! Open your books page 13. Ito-kun, you stand and read to the class. »

Aaaaah... How much more boring could it be ? Starting the year with classical literature sure was a pain in the ass. Looking by the window, Souji slowly spaced out. His last year... and then what ? Somehow, it was starting to worry him. Hajime will go to university, Midori will stay here with Heisuke and Chizuru... What about him ? He really needed to figure it out fast. He never truly cared about it but now, the course of time was sickening him with a new, unfamiliar kind of anxiety. A fear of being alone again and thrown in a world he knew nothing about. The Hakuou Campus was his home, always had been. What did he know of the outside world, out of reach of Kondou's protection ?

« Shit I forgot to call you all... » muttered Hijikata-sensei « Anyone missing ? »

« How should we know, sensei ? » asked Ito, still standing in the middle of the class with his book opened at page 13 as instructed « It's a new class. »

« Okay, let's do this quick... Abe. Aikawa... »

Souji drifted again. Reacting only to answer when his teacher finally called Okita. Maybe he should look up on the internet what to do after high school. Yeah, he'd do that tonight. With all that agitation, they didn't have much of classical literature class and for once, the bell surprised him with how soon it rang. He hoped it'll stay that way all year so he could spend less time in Hijikata's presence.

He got up to stretch his legs and arms, waiting for Harada-sensei. Surprisingly, the new kid walked their way.

« Okita and... Saito, was it ? » he asked with a grin.

« Indeed. » answered Hajime.

If he had been a cat, Hajime would have his back all round, his fur all swollen, and would be showing his fangs. Even if he was as inexpressive as ever, Souji fought him often enough to detect when his friend was on the defensive like that. And he was. Pretty bad. There definitely was something with this new kid.

« Related to... what was the name again ? Saito greens ? Saito complements ? »

« Pills. » corrected Hajime, curtly.

« Ah yes... The logo was green, that confused me... Saito pills, then. I thought it was that. How are you doing ? »

« Well. »

« And your family ? » he grinned wider.

« You're Kazama, huh ? » asked Souji, crossing his arms. « I hope it's not too hard to change school for your last year. What happened to you ? Your pleasant demeanor got you kicked out of your other school ? Are you gonna be okay eating in a cafeteria without real silverware ? »

« Hum. » laughed Kazama, visibly not affected and instead amused by the insult « You've found yourself a pretty loyal watchdog, Saito. I'm gonna go for now. Put a leash on him next time, he might bite someone. »

« Damn right, I might ! » confirmed Souji, sensing that he also had a profound animosity towards the new kid, now.

Unfazed, Kazama walked away to sit back at his desk and Hajime's gaze followed him.

« Say, Hajime-kun, what's Saito Pills ? » he asked.

Curiosity might kill the cat, but there was a puzzle piece here that Souji was desperately missing to understand that whole conversation.

« My father's company. » he answered with a sigh, his gaze still locked on the blondie boy.

« Making pills ? Like a chemical company or something ? »

« food supplements, diet pills... » he explained « Traditional formulas. It was my grandfather's business before his. »

« So that's what you're gonna do after uni ? » chuckled Souji « you whose weakness is chemistry and science in general ? Don't get me wrong, you're still better than me, but still, not imagining you doing that. »

« I won't. » he turned back on his chair to face the blackboard « it doesn't exist anymore. »

Hajime's tone was closing the discussion and Souji didn't insist. The subject seemed to be touchy and now wasn't the right time to get to the bottom of things. The only thing he knew was that Kazama knew perfectly who Hajime was and planted a dagger in his chest on the first day of the year just for his personal satisfaction. That wasn't something he was going to forget nor forgive. He'd keep an eye on Blondie Boy and that smug attitude of his.

Chapter Text

« Hya ! »

Souji dodged the kote aiming at his wrists and counterattacked immediately with a men, on the helmet. That successful strike put an end to the match. Point and game to Okita. Again.

« Good job, Souji ! » praised Kondou-san with great enthusiasm « that was really nicely executed ! »

« Thank you, Kondou-san ! » he replied with a smile, removing his helmet.

« Ito-kun, that was good too. The only problem is that you're holding back too much. When you've decided where to strike, go for it ! Don't hesitate ! Give it your all ! »

« Sorry, Kondou-san... »

« Don't apologise, Ito-kun ! Confidence will come with practice ! Alright, Toudou-kun next against Sato-kun. »

Souji took a deep breath and went to the side to watch the encounter. He was pretty thirsty, but he'll go afterwards. Not that it would be very interesting… Just like him, Heisuke was far above Ito and Sato in technique. With Hajime out of the kendo club, it was impossible for him to fight a worthy opponent during club hours.

Fortunately, Hajime was still coming to train with him, at least once a week. It hadn't been easy for Souji to convince him. He really had to pull on his tie, just like he threatened, but Hajime eventually gave in, as long as he was choosing the schedule and could not go if necessary. Souji accepted it all without conditions. He was all too happy to have Hajime all to himself one hour a week… and spending it fighting was the best.

« Toudou-kun, well done ! »

Shit, he didn't pay attention to the match at all in the end… Well, Heisuke won as expected. No surprise here.

« Good job, everyone ! »

« Thank you, Kondou-san ! » they replied in chorus.

« Next week, there's another tournament ! Souji, if you want and promise to behave, you can join. Toudou-kun, you'll be captain. »

« Who's in the team, Kondou-san ? » asked Heisuke…

« Let's see… Toudou, Ito, Sato, Oda and Okita. »

« I didn't say yes, yet. » Souji protested, crossing his arms.

« You don't want to ? » asked Kondou, ready to cross off his name already « it's fine if you don't want to, you haven't handled pressure well last time... »

« No, I'm going ! » he added hurriedly « I'll do better this time, Kondou-san ! But… can't Hajime-kun be on the team ? »

« Saito-kun has resigned from the club. I can't add him. »

« Yeah, but... »

« He can keep using the dojo with your key, but I can't get him into competition without a licence. »

« But he's better than all those guys ! » waved Souji.

« He resigned, Souji. »

« I know that ! »

Kondou marked a pause and changed the subject.

« Good work today ! You can all go home ! Have a nice evening ! »

« Thank you, sensei ! » they bowed before getting up, taking the direction of the locker room.

« Souji. » called Kondou « if you have a minute, I'd like to talk to you. »

« Now, or after I shower ? »

« It can wait. » laughed Kondou « Oh, I know ! Let's eat together this evening, okay ? »

« Wouldn't that put you in trouble, Kondou-san ? » asked Souji, hopeful, but a little apologetic « I don't want any gossip about you giving me any special treatment or anything... »

« It's fine. » he laughed again, ruffling the boy's hair « Let's grab some ramen and talk, just like old times. I'll make you a paper for curfew. »

« Okay then ! » smiled Souji « thank you, sensei. »

« Go now, I'll see you afterwards. Let's meet at the entrance at seven. »

« Yes ! »

Souji quickly went back to the locker room and took a quick shower before he headed back to his dorm to change his school uniform for more casual clothes. He couldn't contain his joy. It must have been close to two years since Kondou took him out for a meal or something… Last time, it was during his first high school year, to talk about his classes and be sure he'll take them seriously. This time… it probably would be about Kendo. Kondou surely wanted to make sure he wouldn't lose his temper like last time, but he learned his lesson. That time, he won't fuck this up. He'll make Kondou proud and win the tournament, with his team and individually. Oda was a good kendoka too and even if Ito was lacking confidence, he could win his matches. Sato… Well, maybe Souji'll have to make him understand that losing wasn't an option. Heisuke, as team captain, will be too kind to everyone. Souji was made of a different wood. No one could stand between him and his goal and especially not his allies. He'll make sure they got the message.

Looking at the time, he put his key and wallet in his jeans pocket, quickly grabbed his phone and his cigarettes and headed out to meet the principal, ashamed to find him already waiting.

« I'm sorry you waited, Kondou-san. »

« It's fine, I was early. Let's go. »

« Yes. »

He followed him outside the campus, elated, and they stopped at a restaurant.

« I know I said ramen, but I feel like yakitori all of the sudden... » muttered Kondou « what do you think, Souji ? »

« It's fine with me. » he nodded with a smile « I'm not difficult. »

« That's not what I heard from the cafeteria lady. » he laughed « Apparently, you often send back some food untouched. »

« Only when there's leek or onions... » he muttered « I hate that. »

« Chicken should be okay, then. But you need to eat properly, Souji. Otherwise, you won't become a great kendoka, you know. Please eat more, and if you don't do it for you, do it for me. »

« I'll try, Kondou-san. » replied Souji seriously.

« Great ! I'm gonna look closely tonight so eat as much as you want ! »

They sat at a table and Kondou ordered different yakitori, always asking Souji first if it was okay and he liked it. He appreciated the thought, but he wasn’t as difficult on chicken than other meats. He could eat skin or heart or liver just as well as regular meat as long as it was chicken, so he agreed to anything Kondou chose. He also got a soda of his choosing when the principal ordered a beer for himself.

« Aah ! » sighed Kondou with contentness when he took a sip from his pint. « We should do this more often ! When was the last time ? »

« Two years ago. »

« So long ? Time flies… Tama-chan is going to enter kindergarten next year already ! A pity you won't be there anymore. »

Souji's expression darkened and he sipped on his straw to hide it. If there was something he didn't want to think about, it was his future out of the campus.

« Have you chosen what to do next, Souji ? Are you still thinking about kendo ? »

« I think I'd like that, Kondou-san. » he replied honestly « But I don't know if my talent will be enough. »

« One year is not gonna be enough to get you anywhere. » he replied bluntly « if you won the previous competition… Well, no need to dig into that. The past is the past. I think your only chance is to continue at university. »

« But I don't have funds for university. » he muttered « and what should I study there ? Apart from Kendo, I have no idea what I'd like to do. If you think I can't make it, maybe I should just continue with working in building or industry like my summer jobs... »

« You want to work with your hands ? »

« It's not worse than being locked in an office. » he huffed « at least I can be outside and I'm pretty strong. I often get praised. »

« It's not that bad of an idea. » smiled Kondou, taking a yakitori in hand and waving it « if you're a good field worker, you can easily get promoted and get a nice salary. »

Souji was glad Kondou wasn't pushing him towards uni. Even if it would be nice, he guessed, to choose the same one as Hajime… He didn't want to be away from him next year. But it was inevitable. As an orphan, he didn't have any family money for university. He could indebt himself, but then what ? Pay for his studies for the rest of his life ? And what about rent ? He'd need money for that too… So… even more debt ? And all that for a salaryman job ? It was better to make money quickly than to waste years hoping he could gain more, which wasn't guaranteed.

« What about Saito-kun ? » asked Kondou suddenly.

« What about him ? »

« Do you know what he plans to do ? »

« University, of course. » replied Souji « He can afford it, I guess, and he can't really stop at high school. »

« I'm glad. » nodded Kondou « this boy will get far. »

Not me ? 

« Kondou-san… » asked Souji in a voice that was shyer than usual « would you like me to go to Uni ? »

« I think so. » he squinted his eyes « you're smart, Souji and you have a lot of potential. You only have to find something you want to do. I think I told you that already. »

« Yeah, you did... »

« And have you thought about it ? »

« Yeah… but nothing comes to mind… I like kendo. And… photography, I guess. But that's not gonna help. I like movies, sweets… some games at the arcade… nothing that can make me gain my life. »

« You know what ? You still have three months before choosing your path. Try asking around you. Maybe one of your friends can give you an idea. And if you really don't want to go, you can do what you've planned with that summer job. »

« I guess... »

« Thinking never killed anyone. If you do well at kendo, you might be able to enter university as a teammate of the kendo club. »

« I know... »

« I know the crossroad is pretty scary. I think boys your age are too young to have a clear idea of the career they wish for, but that's the rule. You gotta leave high school with a plan. »

« Sensei, do you think… Do you think there's a job for me at Hakuou school ? Like, something, anything…? »

Kondou-san seemed startled by the boldness of this question and Souji immediately regretted having put his hopes on the principal's shoulders that way. He was a burden…

« The campus will always be open for you, Souji. » he replied kindly « but you shouldn't rely on it that much. Nothing would make me happier than to see you soar and choose your own path. However, if that doesn't work, promise me you'd ask my help and we'll figure something out, okay ? »

« Okay. » smiled Souji, reassured.

« It would just pain me to see a kid as cunning as you being a janitor or the likes for the campus. You can do better, I know you can. Hey, if you decide to continue with your studies, you could come back as a teacher ! »

« Anything but that... » chuckled Souji « if I have to work with Hijikata-sensei for the rest of my life, I might shoot a bullet in my head, or maybe in his. »

« I will pretend I didn't hear that. » laughed Kondou, taking another sip off his beer.

They laughed together like accomplices, like family. Wouldn't it be nice if Souji really could call Kondou his family ? But he'll always be an outsider, no matter what.

« I'm proud of what you're becoming, Souji. » he said out of nowhere.

« What do you mean, Kondou-san ? »

« Saito-kun has a very good influence on you. So have Toudou-kun, Yukimura-kun and Takahashi-kun. »

« Wha… How do you know ?! »

« Souji, you really think I don't notice what's going on in my own school ? » he laughed again « but I am happy. You have less anger in you and it's been ages since you have been sent to my office. I told you friends were making you grow. »

« Maybe... »

Kondou-san… What would you think if I told you that Hajime-kun… that maybe… ‘Friend’ wasn't enough for me when I think about Hajime-kun ? Would you hate me ? Would you think I'm wicked and perverted ? Would you help ? Or throw me out of your school to be sure I don't contaminate other students with my perversion ?

« Are you alright, Souji ? Is something bothering you ? »

« No, it's fine. » he regained his composure quickly « I was just thinking. »

« Is it about Saito-kun ? »

« Why would it be about Hajime-kun ?! » asked Souji, on the defensive.

« If he goes to University, you might see him less. » stated Kondou, chewing « I know you are very good friends. Maybe that could motivate you to go, too. Do you know where he wants to go and which major ? »

Now that he was thinking of it, Hajime didn't tell him anything about his plans… but that didn't mean anything. Hajime was never talking about himself if not asked first. It was Souji's fault for never asking.

« I'm not sure... » replied Souji « I know his dad had a company business, but not anymore. »

« That's true. » nodded Kondou « he isn't tied to any family business. »

« Kondou-san, what do you know about Hajime-kun, exactly ? » asked Souji, curious « there's lots of rumors about him on the campus... »

« If you want to know, I think you should ask him directly. I bet you wouldn't like me to babble about you to another student. »

« You're right. » muttered Souji.

« Are you full ? Or do you want more ? » asked Kondou and Souji understood he was trying to change the subject.

« I think I'm full. » he smiled « thank you for dinner, Kondou-san ! »

« It's fine. » he nodded « Are you sure it's enough ? I think I'd like to eat an ice cream on the way back... »

« The evenings aren't hot enough for ice cream yet, Kondou-san ! » laughed Souji.

« You think so ? Then I'd have a crepe. » he smiled, paying the restaurant « one with whipped cream and caramel… and a ball of vanilla ice cream ! Ah, I'm getting back to ice cream, again… Are you gonna watch me eat my crepe all the way to the campus ? You'd better get one too, you know. A boy your age needs to eat ! »

« I thought we couldn’t get sugar before a competition, though. »

« It’s next week, we still have time to be a little naughty. » Kondou winked with a bark of laughter. 

« I'll have one then, if you insist. »

« Perfect ! »

He pushed the door of the restaurant and they walked together to the crepe stand. Just like he said, Kondou took a big caramel one and Souji, one full of cream and strawberries, raspberries and blueberries… with a red berries sorbet.

« Ahh, I craved that ! » sighed Kondou, walking next to him and chewing on his crepe « Can you believe Tsune put me on a diet ? She believes I gained weight lately... »

« You did put on a little weight. » commented Souji, apologetic.

« Even you ? Damn, it's a conspiracy ! » he escaped a bark of laughter « I'd better work hard at the kendo club, then ! I'm counting on you ! »

« Yes ! »

They ate their crepe while bantering and before they knew it, they were back at the campus.

« I leave you here. » said Kondou, ruffling his hair even if Souji was far above his height now « I'm gonna head home. »

« Have a nice evening, Kondou-san » Souji bowed. « Thank you very much and send my regards to your family. »

« I will ! » he smiled, raising his hand in the air for a taxi.

Souji watched him get in and they waved at each other. He didn't put his hand down before the principal was out of sight and then, he felt empty again. There was no crepe in his hand anymore, no more father figure by his side… He'll just get back to his small room and sleep, alone. He didn't like that. He was used to it, most of the days, but on days like these, the solitude was heavy. Without thinking, he took out a cigarette and his lighter, the smoke chasing away the last bit of taste of strawberry in his mouth. Calming. So calming. How did he manage that long without that to soothe him in his dark hours ? At peace, he headed to his dorm, ready to sleep now that his mind was eased.

Chapter Text

« Kyoto ? »

« That's what has been decided. » confirmed Hijikata with a nod, crossing his arms « We're going on a field trip to Kyoto just before golden week. There will be some museums and temples that you'll have to visit, but you'll also get free time. I need you to organise in groups of three minimum for these moments. In case of injury, one person should remain with the injured while the other calls for help. Standard procedure. You also get this paper for your parents to sign. Okita-kun, Kondou-san already signed yours. »

Kyoto, huh ? That was nice. He's never been there before. And if Kondou-san had already signed then no worry. Enthusiastic, he turned to Hajime.

« That's a nice destination, don't you think, Hajime-kun ? »

« I suppose. » he nodded, eyes locked on the paper Hijikata-sensei handed him.

« You've been there before ? »

« I feel like I have... » answered his friend genuinely, looking at the ceiling « but I do not recall. I must have been very young. »

« I've never been, but I only heard good things about it ! I look forward to eat the wagashi, yatsuhashi, dango... »

« You know Kyoto isn't only famous for sweets ? »

« But it still is ! » he winked.

Hajime smiled a little and folded the paper in his notebook.

« By the way, you're gonna train with me this evening ? »

Hajime sighed and took a quick look at his timetable before answering.

« I think it's possible. Not more than an hour though, and I need to go to the library first. »

« Fine with me, I have nothing better to do, anyway. Probably gonna hang out with Midori-chan in the meantime. »

« Takahashi-san... » he muttered.

« Yeah, why so surprised ? She's still my girlfriend, did you forget ? »

« No. » he shook his head « Don’t concern yourself over this. It's nothing. »

« Are you jealous ? » asked Souji with a smirk « if you are, then make more room in your schedule for me, Uh ? I'd also prefer your company. »

« This has nothing to do with a petty feeling like jealousy. » protested Hajime, furrowing his brows with his eyes closed as he stood up from his desk.

« Where're you going ? » asked Souji, wondering if he has been too far.

« The toilets. » he answered curtly.

Souji stayed by the window, his cheek in his palm and a pen in his mouth. Hajime was in a terrible mood recently and Souji wasn't sure if it was because of his studies, the new kid, or something else entirely. Kazama had already turned the whole class, even the whole school, upside down. In only a few days, he became the most popular kid of school and was walking everywhere with the dignity and smugness of a prince, and a pretty blondie at his arm. 

Serizawa Kanna put the hook on Kazama so quickly that it was indecent, as if she already forgot all about her interest in Hajime. Now that Souji was thinking about it, maybe she was just attracted to his wealth, then. Now that Kazama was there, he wasn't that much of a choice morsel in comparison. Kazama was so shamelessly ostentatious that it tickled the gold digger in her. Well, not gonna complain that this witch lost interest in Hajime... But, maybe it did bother his friend ? He wasn't one to talk, and especially not about feelings or matters of the heart, but maybe seeing Serizawa at Kazama's arm when she nearly raped him in the library last year was making Hajime jealous ? Who knew...

Thinking about all this, Souji's gaze drifted to the blonde girl and her puffy cheeks, who was laughing with all her girl friends. For once Kazama wasn't with her, but that wouldn't last. As soon as he would be back in the classroom, she'd glue to him like a leach. Kinda disgusting, if you'd asked him. Chuckling, he started drawing a doodle of a giant slug with long blond hair, drooling all over the place. He wasn't good at drawing, not at all frankly, but these kinds of doodles were still amusing him. Maybe he'd make a mean photoshop out of it...

« Apparently, his dad killed himself... »

« Really ?! »

« That's what Kazama-sama told me... And that's why Saito-kun's been changing schools. »

Souji's ear caught that bit and he stopped the movement of his pencil to listen more carefully.

« He got into a lot of fights after that, clobbering innocent people just to let off some steam. And then he got kicked out. »

« Eeeh ? I thought he stood between an innocent guy and a yakuza son ? »

« And I heard he helped a girl escape from her family before an arranged marriage ? »

« I thought he came here for the kendo club... »

« Anyway if this is already in his file, I wonder what kind of university will accept him... He looks like such a dedicated student... »

« He's a creep. » cut Serizawa Kanna « He's not at all like the rich prince he's pretending to be. Can you imagine he doesn't even have a phone ? If that isn't a creep, I don't know what it is. I'm glad that his image of a perfect guy is finally shattering into pieces, I never believed in it in the first place. »

« I remember when you said he attacked you in the library and that's why he's not tutoring you anymore... I had trouble imagining it then, but now... »

That was enough for Souji and he put his pencil down, ready to have a few words with Serizawa Kanna. Talking shit on his friends wasn't something he could take lightly.

« Hush... He's coming... »

Souji stopped his movement halfway when Hajime entered the room again and sat back by his side. He slumped back in his chair and looked at his friend, wondering if he overheard that conversation and if it was affecting him, but he had a face as impassive as ever.

« Hajime-kun... »

« Hm ? What ? »

« Do... Sorry, uh, my question is gonna be weird as fuck, but... Did your dad... Do you have a dad ? »

Hajime furrowed his brows, perplexed by that indeed weird question.

« I have both my parents. »

« Oh, okay... Cool. » replied Souji a little flustered « Cool. »

Hajime's eyes locked in his and he could see how the boy was wondering the reason behind this sudden question. Yet, he wasn't sure if it was a good idea to talk to him about the gossip.

« Why'd'you come to Hakuou ? » he asked instead « you never told anyone. »

« My previous school wasn't suitable anymore. » he replied.

Great. That could mean anything. Hajime really had a way with words... and wasn't giving personal information easily.

« Souji. »

« What ? »

« Whatever you've heard, they're rumours. » said his friend with confidence.

« Okay, then. » he gave up.

Hajime turned his head away, already losing all interest in their conversation, and he reviewed his history notes for Harada’s class. That'd be their last class of the day and then, after a while, they'd go to the dojo together. Souji was really looking forward to it. Hajime tried to give up, just like he said, but Souji was as persistent as a cockroach and so, Hajime didn't have much choice if he didn't want to be harassed every minute of his time. Yet, in the end, the boy looked happy to keep training. Just like Souji said « a healthy mind needs a healthy body ».

Harada’s class was okay, he guessed. World War II now... enough of the Bakumatsu. In a way, Souji regretted it. He prefered to hear about samurai fighting with katana than suicidal guys in airplanes.

« I believe you don't understand quite well the importance of this war for the world and our country, specifically. » scolded Hajime when Souji shared his thoughts with him, tying his do, the chest armor, around his chest to fight against him now that his schedule was allowing it.

« I just can't understand why they'd do that. »

« And yet, you understand the desire of a bushi to fight for honour and seppuku. »

« No, yeah, I understand the sacrifice and stuff, but... I don't know, I don't like that subject. Plus, we're the bad guys... I mean, at the scale of the world, we've been the bad guys and USA the saviors. When they dropped two atomic bombs on our head. »

« War is war. » stated Hajime « and history is written by the winners. »

« Yeah, well, I prefered samurai stories from last year. »

« You do realise that during Bakumatsu, sword combat was only a minority of the confrontations ? Both sides were already heavily armed with cannons and firearms. The imperial army was advantaged by their tactics and modern weapons, but that doesn't mean it was a gun against sword conflict. »

« I know, yeah... » he muttered « you already said that... Ready ? »

« Yes. » nodded Hajime, putting his helmet on.

Souji did the same and the boys faced each other. He attacked first, knowing that Hajime prefered defence anyway, and his friend easily deflected his blow, counterattacking immediately with a rapid men that Souji evaded at the last second.

« You're out. » commented Hajime.

« I don't care. We don't play zone. » huffed Souji.

« That's still the rules. »

Souji ignored that comment and attacked Hajime again, who deflected once more. They exchanged blows after blows until eventually Hajime scored three points, two men at Souji's head and a kote, on his wrists.

« You're careless. » commented the winner « is something bothering you ? »

Souji snarled, vexed to be beaten 3-0 like that... even 4 or 5-0 if he counted the times he got out of the zone. Hajime and him usually didn't have that gap between them. Yes, his mind was elsewhere but he couldn't tell him that. He couldn't tell him that he was worried about the gossip and how Hajime would face them. 

Truth was, apart from his dreams and the few months they spent together now, he didn't know shit about Hajime. Did he bully people in his previous school ? Did his dad kill himself ? Was he working so much to get to university because his record was stained ? Who was Kazama Chikage to him and why wouldn't he tell him anything ?! They were friends, goddammit ! Friends should talk and support each other ! Was he scared Souji wasn't gonna hang out with him if he knew the truth ? Well, not a chance. Even after rejection, Souji was still hopelessly in love with Hajime. Plus, he's been a bully too, people change, no big deal.

« And you're more easily out of breath. » continued Hajime mercilessly « You smoke too much. Takahashi-san has a bad influence on you. »

« Really ? » Souji chuckled « All school is worried about me corrupting the cute redhead metis girl and you worry about her corrupting me ? »

« Smoking will weaken your lungs. » he stated.

« You already said that. » complained Souji « come on, everyone's smoking. »

« You're more fragile. »

« Fragile ? Fragile in what ? » he snapped, really annoyed now.

« Your lungs... » sighed Hajime « I... My apologies, but the dreams I have... »

« Are dreams. » finished Souji « you said so yourself, that they were no more than dreams. And if I don't care that much when I literally cough my lungs out every night, then maybe you should stop being a dramatic mama hen too ! »

« Alright. » Hajime said, removing his helmet and starting to walk away.

« Hey, where're you going ?! You said one hour ! »

« I have no desire to fight a weakling. » he said harshly « call me back when you're able to spare without losing your breath. In the meantime, my time is valuable. »

« Are you really saying that ?! » yelled Souji « are you serious ?! Come back here ! »

He followed him into the locker room, furious, but Hajime didn't seem to care. Fuck... He shouldn't get into a fight like last time... He shouldn't... But that attitude ! Why was he always acting as if he was better than him ?!

« Okay. » he said and the word surprised even himself. « Okay, I'll cut down on cigarettes. Come back and fight me. »

« Not today. » replied Hajime firmly.

« What do you want ?! » yelled Souji « I'm trying to make a step in your direction, can't you see it ?! »

« If I come back and fight you, you'd have what you wanted. » stated Hajime, removing his armor « It's enough for today. »

Souji gritted his teeth, but said nothing, and he joined the locker room as well, removing his armor. Hajime was a bull-headed idiot. He wouldn't come back on his decision. Furious, Souji put back his shirt and pants. No need for a shower after this exchange, he didn't even have time to sweat. Mechanically, he searched in his bag for his cigarettes, knowing that the smoke entering his lungs would comfort him and ease his fury... Then, maybe he'll go for a run or something. His gaze crossed Hajime's and he dropped back the packet in his bag. Right... He was supposed to cut it off... Somehow, he became so used to it that it was feeling weird. Yet, if it was the only way not to have Hajime mad at him, surely it was worth it.

« Here. » he heard and he turned his head to the side, looking at what Hajime was handing to him.

« Lollipops ? » he chuckled, taking one.

« Take them all. » said Hajime, pushing the bag in his direction « I brought them for you. »

Souji smiled. It was the first time for Hajime to do something like that for him. His smoking really should have bothered his friend, more than he thought, for him to buy lollipops specifically for him, knowing his sweet tooth and that it'd be easier to stop by occupying his mouth with something else. Not that he couldn't stop anytime. He just had to decide to do it. People were really making a fuss over nothing about the addictiveness of these things.

« Thanks. » he said, taking the bag of sweets and putting it in his « but isn't sugar a powerful drug ? Are you trying to make me fall into addiction ? »

« A lesser evil. » smiled his friend « and I intend to watch over that consumption too. »

« a real mama. » commented Souji snidely « or an overprotective boyfriend, I'm not sure. »

Hajime blushed and averted his gaze, muttering so low that Souji wasn't sure he heard it right.

« Choose the option you prefer. »

« Hmm ? I can ? » chuckled Souji « I'll go with mama hen, then. I don't want poor Midori-chan to get jealous. »

He looked at Hajime's face while unwrapping a lollipop, putting it in his mouth. His friend was adorably frowning, his cheeks still a little red. Was he really feeling a genuine animosity towards Midori or was it jealousy ? Souji would like him to be jealous... He would like anything that showed him that Hajime cared. Even if these lollipops were already tasting a lot better than all the ones he tasted before, because Hajime had been the one to give them to him.

« That's nice... » he commented, sucking on the small sugar ball « I guess I could get used to it. »

Hajime smiled a little. Anyone who knew him as much as Souji was knowing him would find him beaming. He probably was delighted that his plan succeeded and that Souji didn't have a cigarette in mouth right now.

« You're sure you don't want one ? » asked Souji, showing him the bag.

« No. » he shook his head « I'll go for now. Time for me to go home. »

« I'll see you tomorrow. »

« It's the weekend. »

« Oh, yeah. » realised Souji « right... Monday, then. »

« Yes, Monday. » confirmed Hajime putting his enormous bag on his shoulder and walking towards the entrance before he turned around « are you doing anything special this weekend ? »

That was uncanny. It was a first for Hajime to ask him that sort of thing. He usually had no interest in his plans if Souji didn't plan anything with him first.

« I'm going to town with my girlfriend... and we're meeting Heisuke-kun and Chizuru-chan at the arcade. »

« I see. » muttered Hajime.

« I'm free on Sunday. » hurriedly added Souji. Maybe a little too hurriedly.

« If it is agreeable to you, let's spare Sunday, then. »

« Fine with me ! » smirked Souji with a wink « don't think you'll win that easily next time ! »

« Noted. » he nodded « I expect a challenge. »

« You bet. »

Hajime pushed the door of the gymnasium and disappeared behind it. Still sucking on his lollipop, Souji smiled and laced his running shoes. He'd run a few laps to keep in shape. Hajime was right, he was tiring a little more easily recently. Time to throw back himself into training, body and soul.

Chapter Text

Souji stretched and looked at his phone for a message or something. Midori was late, not in her habits. They decided to get some time together before meeting Chizuru and Heisuke, but now, Souji wasn't that sure about being in the mood anymore. He'd rather do something else on his weekend… maybe research about universities and figure out if a major could interest him and find out if kendo could open him some doors… or maybe just run around the athletic tracks… the Hakuou school was so empty on weekends… Even boarders were going back to their families. Not many were staying all the time there as Souji did. Technically, he had a family… a foster one. He could go back, he guessed, but what was the point ? It was his fifth foster family, no one was able to deal with him, his witty mouth and his mood swings… He knew they were relieved to have him away. They were scared of him, just like the others before them.

« Senpai ! »

« Ah, Midori-chan ! » he smiled « I was starting to wonder if I should go home. »

She was cute today, with a braid rolled in a bun, and… was that makeup ? It wasn't the first time but she did one a lot heavier than usual. Was she trying to look older ?

« Is that what took you so long ? » he gestured at her face « Not worth it, if you ask me. »

« Isn't it pretty ? » she dropped her gaze, shy for once.

« It's not bad. » he shrugged « but I'm not convinced by it. It looks weird on you. You look like a gaijin. »

« I am half gaijin... » she muttered, pursing her lips.

« That's right. » he laughed « You're cute, though. »

« Where do you wanna go, Okita-senpai ? »

He paused, thinking. A café ? Just stroll ? A shop ?

« Is there somewhere you wanna go ? »

« You like shopping ? » she asked, a finger on her mouth.

« Depends… Do you wanna get my lingerie advice ? »

« Okita-senpai ! »

« Haha, I'm joking. » he patted her head « I don't mind shopping. Whatever you wanna do is fine. »

She looked in her bag and took a cigarette from her packet, handing it to him, since they were close to a smoking area, a few feet away from the train station. He thanked her and brought it to his mouth, bending a little for her to light it. First cigarette of the day. Fuck, he forgot he was suppose to stop, he even brought the lollipops with him… Well, nevermind. One wasn't going to make a difference, it was harmless. He'd eat the lollipops after that one.

« I think I wanna go to the bookstore… » she said.

« Fine with me. »

They walked together and Midori guided him to her favourite bookstore. It was nice inside. It looked like an old library with all these wooden shelves and it smelled that specific scent that catches your nose when you dig your face in a novel and ruffle through the pages. She strolled for a bit, Souji leaning against a shelf, watching her. It looked a bit like that movie, Harry Potter… There was a redhead in that too, and books… He didn't recall much about it to be honest. People told him the books were better, but reading wasn't his strength. He tried, sometimes. He sat down, opened the book, a bag of sweets by his side, and… he picked up his phone. Classic. Maybe he never found before the book that would get him into reading, or maybe it just wasn't his thing. 

Observing his girlfriend, he took his phone out and took a few pictures while she wasn't paying attention to him. Looking at the gallery, he realised it was full of pictures of Midori. And they were a lot better than the ones he was taking of Hajime… Was he on the right track to finally like girls ?

« Hey, Midori-chan ! » he called « if you wanna stay for hours, I see no point in a date, you could just go alone. »

« Ah, sorry ! » she bowed, blushing « I'll check out ! »

« Whatever. »

She hurried to the counter, three books in her arms and soon enough, she was back to his side.

« Is there anywhere you want to go, Okita-senpai ? I'm sorry I made you wait... »

« I think I wanna go and look at the new cameras. »

« You want one ? »

« I don't know. I don't have money for it yet and I want a good one… but I wanna see if there's any sales. We're going to Kyoto for a school trip. Might be nice to have something. Mine is so outdated. »

« Okay then, let's go ! » she nodded with enthusiasm.

They went together and Souji looked lengthily at the different cameras on display… They were far too expensive for him. As expected, this would have to wait after summer. But was it really smart to buy a camera now when he had no idea what future would bring to him ? Still, he wanted one. He checked the specs, the lenses… If he were to buy one, he'd choose the same brand as his, so that he could use the same lenses as the one he already had. He only had a macro one, but lenses were crazy expensive so that would be ideal. And why not a long focus…

« You never show me the pics you take. » said Midori suddenly.

« Hmm ? Yeah, that's right. » he replied absently, more focused on the camera displayed than on his girlfriend.

« You take so many pictures of me… I never get to see them. »

« Because they suck. I'll show you when I'll have a decent one. »

« Why are we never taking pics together ? »

He eventually turned to the girl, understanding that he wasn't gonna be able to watch the products in peace.

« Why would we ? »

« Because… We're a couple ? I mean, it's okay, but… I think I'd like pictures of us... »

Souji took his phone out of his pocket and grabbed Midori's shoulders.

« Smile. »

Click !

« Here you go. » he said, sending her the pic « now you're happy ? »

« I… Yeah... »

Good. He looked at the camera again and took notes on his phone about two models he'd like. He would look up on the internet for deals and comparative information. Looking at the time, he grabbed Midori's hand, smiling.

« Let's meet with Heisuke-kun and Chizuru-chan ! »

« Okay ! » she smiled in return.

They went to the arcade hand in hand, like a perfect couple. It wasn't disagreeable to walk that way with her. She wasn't that bad of a girlfriend, he could have picked worse. She was easy to get along with, always agreeing with him, never a bother… Really, if he loved her, he could have been happy, he guessed. Plus, she was pretty. The whole school was jealous of him for having the cute redhead by his side. When they arrived, Heisuke was already there, a manga in hand, leaning against the arcade's window.

« Hey, Heisuke-kun ! » waved Midori.

« Ah ! Midori-chan and Souji ! » he smiled, closing his manga.

« Whatcha reading ? » asked Souji, grabbing the book off Heisuke's hands.

« Hey ! Don't damage it please, it's Chizuru's ! »

He jumped a few times, trying to grab back the precious item, but Souji was a lot taller than him and he turned the pages, holding it above his head.

« A shojo manga ? » chuckled Souji « really, Heisuke-kun ? »

« She wanted me to try it ! » he muttered, blushing « and it's not that bad ! There's sword fights and blood ! »

« Yeah sure… » he commented « oh my, ‘his hair reflecting the moonlight and the snow like out-of-season cherry blossoms’… Can there be something cheesier than that, seriously ? »

« Yeah, well it's for girls, alright ?! But it's still not that bad for a shojo manga. »

« Hmm... » he skimmed through the pages, but quickly lost all interest in it and gave it back to Heisuke. « Here, Heisuke-chan. »

« Hey, stop that ! »

« Heisuke-kun ! »

« Ah ! Chizuru-chan ! You're right on time ! » smiled Souji.

« I'm sorry you all waited... »

« we didn't, we just arrived. » nodded Midori. « Shall we go in, then ? »

« Let’s gooo ! There's a new shooter with zombies and blood, Souji, I'm teaming up with you ! » yelled Heisuke, his fist clenched in victory.

« Sure ! Let's show them they don't stand a chance ! »

They each took a pistol and fired at the screen, the girls cheering for them. They got the third high score and tried again to take the first, but without success. Their competitive minds at work, the girls got some difficulty with getting them off the shooter, but they eventually managed. After a soda, Chizuru said she wanted to try the DDR game and Midori encouraged Souji to try it too. Jokes on them, as a sportsman and a kendoka, the placement of his feet was ideal for that sort of game and he completely pulverised the high score, leaving the girls with eyes wide and mouth agape, as if they wanted to swallow flies.

« Hey, Okita-senpai » asked Midori « wanna get a smoke outside ? There’s a small smoking area in front. »

« Sure. » he nodded before he remembered « oh, no. On second thought, I'm fine. »

« You're sure ? »

« Yeah, go smoke outside if you want. I'll stay here. »

« O… Okay. » she nodded, pursing her lips in a sulky pout accentuated by all her freckles « You don't even want to accompany me ? »

« I'm fine, I said. » he snapped « you're a big girl, you can go alone. »

She didn't reply, but got out and he looked at her from the window, lighting her cigarette. He suddenly craved one too, and he gathered all his volition not to join her. Instead, he reached in his pocket for a lollipop and started sucking on the sugar ball. Lemon flavour… not his favourite, but not bad either. Even after Midori came back and his sweet had vanished, he kept the plastic rod in mouth, chewing on it. Midori smelled of tobacco… her hair, her breath… Annoyed, he threw away the rod and took back another lollipop, this time orange flavoured.

« Good afternoon. »

The voice he heard behind him startled him with how unexpected it was to hear it here. Hajime seemed uneasy, but happy to see him and even more happy to see him with the lollipops he offered him.

« Good afternoon, Saito-senpai. » smiled Midori, polite.

« Hajime-kun, what are you doing here ? »

« I happened to pass in the area and I saw you from outside. » he explained, blushing a little.

« Eeh, that's such a coincidence ! » said Chizuru.

« Is it, though ? » asked Souji, amused « If I recall, I told you we'd be there… Are you spying on our double date, Hajime-kun ? »

« No. » he answered firmly « As Yukimura said, it's merely a coincidence. »

« You felt left-out ? » continued Souji, glad to have an opportunity to embarrass him « So you thought about coming here ? »

« If my intrusion is a bother, I shall go. » he replied a little angrily « My apologies for interrupting. »

« Hajime-kun, it's fine. » said Souji, grabbing his sleeve to prevent him from turning his heels on him.

Souji… 

Hajime startled as if he heard the same voice as him, which maybe was the case, and he blushed some more, but didn't make any moves towards the exit.

« Hey, Hajime-kun ! » asked Heisuke « you're good at shooters ?! Souji and I are trying to get a high score on that one, but we only got third place ! »

« Souji got it on DDR though. » laughed Midori, hiding her mouth with her hand.

Hajime stared at Midori for a second and turned his gaze to Souji, confused.

« On dancing ? »

« It's more of a foot placement game than dancing... » muttered Souji, uncannily embarrassed all of the sudden.

A soft smile painted on Hajime's face as he tilted his head.

« Hajime-kun, come on ! Play with me ! »

« I'm afraid I am a terrible shooter... » he confessed « I will stay as a spectator. »

« I can do it, Heisuke-kun ! » Midori took the opportunity to speak up « I'm a pretty good shooter ! »

« Oh really ? Let's give it a try, then ! »

She laughed and took a pistol, Hajime's eyes locked on her with an unfathomable expression.

« You don't like Midori-chan very much. » commented Souji.

« What makes you think this ? »

« Come on, Hajime-kun ! If looks could kill, that girl would be down to ashes at this point ! »

« I don't believe my look is any different than usual. »

« Well it is. » Souji smiled.

Hajime stayed silent, but his gaze quitted the redhead to look around him.

« Wanna try one ? » asked Souji.

« I… I'm afraid I never played before... » he blushed, embarrassed.

« That's not what I asked. Wanna try ? »

Hajime nodded shyly and looked around with the gaze of a puppy in a treat store, not knowing which one to choose with all that choice around him.

« Simple Street Fighter ? I promise to play nice. Or a car race ? » suggested Souji, afraid that Hajime's head could explode under the pressure. The poor boy was clearly overthinking the whole situation.

« Car race seems fine... » he muttered.

« Controls are easy. » explained Souji, getting in the driving seat. « this one's the simplest. Hands on the wheel, gears are accessible here with your fingers behind it like in a real sportscar. There's no stick. Pedals : Forward, brake, gears. You know what, forget about it, I'm gonna put auto gears so you just have to direct the wheel and use the brake and accelerator. Is that okay ? »

« I… I suppose... »

He got into the seat next to Souji's and clenched his hands on the wheel, focused. He put his feet on the pedals left and right and his friend chuckled.

« Nope, just put your left one on the side and use only the right one. »

« But there are three pedals. »

« Yeah, but still no. The left one is for the gears. We're not using them so we're not using our left pedal. You just use your right leg for the middle one. »

« Alright. » he nodded.

« Ready ? »

« Sure... »

Souji put some coins into the machine and chose the options, a simple circuit with 3 laps and not a lot of turns seemed okay for a first try. When the flag waved, he pushed on the pedals, starting in a burn, and easily took the lead. Next to him, Hajime was tense as ever, trying to keep up with him. He wasn't that bad, for a first. He didn't get into any walls or crashed against any other car, but he wasn't really going fast enough and he ended up fifth.

« Not that bad. » praised Souji with a smile and Hajime returned it, beaming in his own shy way.

« You think so ? »

« Yeah, you should try another game ! Come on, a little Soulcalibur or street fighter. 1-1 you and me. »

« Souji… » he heard Midori behind him « you want to fight against me ? Or maybe some Taiko drums ? »

« Not really, do something with Chizuru-chan. »

« You want a smoke ? »

« I'm busy right now. » he answered with annoyance « I'm gonna fight Hajime-kun. »

She didn't reply and just got out, lighting another cigarette. Souji was still chewing on the orange flavoured lollipop's rod and he grabbed Hajime's hand to get him to the fighting game. At first startled, the shy boy smiled and let Souji explain the controls to him, listening carefully. Chizuru and Heisuke were competing on the DDR again. The brunette really looked like she enjoyed that particular game.

« I am glad you came, Hajime-kun. » said Souji after he explained everything. « I know we're seeing each other for kendo, but I'm glad to see you for things like this, too. »

« My apologies for intruding on your date... » he muttered, looking at Midori smoking outside, leaning on the arcade's window.

« I don't care. » shrugged Souji « I prefer time spent with you, anyway. »

« You shouldn't say this. » he frowned. « You're going to hurt Takahashi-san's feelings. »

« I don't care. » repeated Souji « I thought she had a bad influence on me ? »

« She does. » nodded Hajime « but that doesn't allow you to play with her feelings. »

« Why do you care ? »

« I don't know... » he sighed « I am glad you are making good use of these. » he gestured towards the rod in Souji's mouth.

« The lollipops ? Yeah, they're a great help. Thanks Hajime-kun. I might be eating them too quickly though… I only have four left... »

« I see. I will get you some more. »

« I can buy my own sweets. » chuckled Souji « plus, I saved my favourites for last. »

« Which ones are they ? »

« Strawberry. »

« I see. »

When Midori came back, Hajime said he had to go and that he couldn't stroll too much. He thanked them all for the nice afternoon and confirmed to Souji that he'd come to practice kendo with him the next day. When he did, he took out of his enormous bag another packet of lollipops for Souji. The sweets inside were all strawberry flavoured.

Chapter Text

« Souji, is everything ready ? »

« Yes, Kondou-san ! » shouted Souji.

He tried to close the trunk a few times on the armors in there, and used a final big push to finally hear the « clac! » he wanted to hear. 

« All in there ! » he smiled at the principal, joining the others on the side of the minibus « we can go when everyone’s ready. »

« Ah, thank you, Souji ! » beamed Kondou « So we just need Sato-kun to show up then. »

They didn’t have to wait long, though. The boy came running towards them as if he feared the bus could leave without him. He climbed in the minibus and Kondou took the wheel.

« Alright, boys ! » he said, turning around to look at the kendo team buckling their seatbelts, with an arm passed around the empty passenger seat at his side. « Today is gonna be the same kind of competition as last time. Oda-kun, you’re new on the team, but don’t worry, you’re gonna be fine. We have the individual matches this morning, then lunch break, and team matches. Toudou-kun, as captain, you’ve chosen the order ? »

« Yes, sensei ! »

« Good, good. » Kondou smiled « we’ll talk strategy when we arrive. One thing I want to insist on, though, is that this is a competition. I know, I know. You think I don’t have to remind you. But I do. I want you to give it your all, and bring a medal home, but not at the expense of fair-play. »

Kondou’s eyes scanned the group and paused a little on Souji, who nodded with an apologetic expression. 

« There’s rules in competition. There’s referees who can decide if you go too far or not, and hold your fate in their hands. We are not going there to crush other kids. We are going there to practice a noble sport, where respect for your adversary is everything. Anyone who doesn’t want to do that is free to leave this bus, right now. »

Again, that pause on Souji, waiting for a reaction. Souji nodded, showing Kondou that he listened, understood and learned his lesson. 

« Great. » Kondou smiled, turning around and turning the contact on. « Then, kids, let’s go show the other school that Hakuou has the best kendo club ! » 

« Yeah ! »

Souji felt all pumped up by the cheer of his comrades, even if he was still a little disappointed that Hajime wouldn’t be there to fight with their team. Maybe if Souji managed to contain his anger last time, he would be there with them now. That was a bitter reminder that his actions had consequences, and sometimes, no second chances were offered to him. 

Still, he was glad to know that even if he wouldn’t fight, Hajime said he’d probably show up to watch. He said « probably », though, so Souji was trying not to keep his hopes up, but it would be nice to have someone cheering on him. Midori wouldn’t come anyway.

She was pissed. Maybe rightfully, so. Souji had completely ignored her during their last date at the arcade, as soon as Hajime showed up. And apparently, the fact that he didn’t even notice she was more distant than usual, and therefore mad at him, was even more infuriating to her. He guessed her choosing not to come and cheer on him was kind of a punishment. He’d like to make it up to her, though. She was his girlfriend. Maybe he’d try to find a nice gesture to make for her, so that she’d be all lovey-dovey again. Next time he’ll pick her up at the athletic tracks after club activities, he’ll be extra nice. 

« Okay, boys ! We’re here ! » 

Kondou stopped the minibus and each boy took an armor bag from the trunk to carry inside, and went straight to the locker room to change. 

« Toudou-kun, what’s your team ? »

« Ito first, as Sempo. Then Souji, Oda, Saito and me. »

« Good, good. Yes, the captain must be last, I agree. » nodded Kondou, thinking « Souji as Jiho, you’re sure ? »

« Yeah. » Heisuke didn’t flinch « It’ll break morale instantly in the other team. Ito is good, and normally the fighters coming first and last are the best most of the time. They’ll believe we have the same classic formation. Then, they’ll crash on Souji and that’ll give Oda an opportunity for his match afterwards. » 

The freshman nodded, understanding the logic behind it. He thought he’d be second, the usual spot for the weakest opponent, but third wasn’t a tough spot either, and with Souji before him, Heisuke was right, the other team might be very disturbed. 

« Hey, hold on, Heisuke-kun ! » protested Souji « you mean I’m only gonna fight weaklings in team matches ?! »

« Kinda » smiled Heisuke, apologetically, « but I really think that’s for the best, with Hajime-kun out of the team. »

Souji turned his gaze to Kondou, who frowned and closed his eyes for a moment, as if making tremendous efforts to think. Souji didn’t want to go second, and Kondou was supposed to know that. He wanted to fight good kendoka, the best kendoka, and win. He wanted to be spotted as someone with talent and maybe be taken in by a national league club next year, or get a university bursary and stay with Hajime. No way Kondou could ignore that. 

« Fine. » sighed Kondou « You’re captain, Heisuke-kun, so I have to trust your judgement. It is your team, after all. »

« Kondou-san ! » pleaded Souji, already feeling his future as a kendoka escaping from the grasp of his fingers. 

« Souji, you were captain last time. » Kondou said, trying not to let him sway him « It didn’t go well. »

« My team didn’t even get the chance to fight last time! »

And whose fault is that?!

Kondou didn’t utter those words, but Souji heard them anyway in his heart. Right. He already blew his chance, once. Now, it was Heisuke’s turn to shine, and the only thing he should have hoped for was for this team to shine brighter than the last one. Maybe he wouldn’t be captain ever again, but if he wanted to regain Kondou’s trust, and never disappoint him again, then he should just shut his damn mouth and do what he’s told. 

« Okay… » Souji eventually said, his gaze on his feet « I’ll do it. »

Kondou smiled and tapped his shoulder, like a dad proud of his son, and that made Souji feel a little better. Now equipped with their gear, the team went to see the tables for the individual matches, then its members scattered to the areas where they would fight. Chizuru showed up from within the crowd and followed Heisuke will a laugh to cheer on him from the sidelines. Kondou stayed with Souji, probably sensing that he was still bitter with the position he was given, and took that opportunity to explain further why Heisuke made the choice he made. 

« You’ve got a big role, Souji ! » he tried to cheer him up « maybe the most important one with the way this team is gonna work ! I know you’ll do well ! »

« Jiho isn’t a big role… » Souji muttered, dejected. 

« In this team, it is ! » Kondou insisted « How well Oda and Sato do in their matches will directly stem from your performance. You will be carrying the team and opening the road to victory to them. I can’t think of a better way to use that aggressivity of yours! »

« So, you want me to be aggressive? » Souji asked, not believing the words of the principal. « After all that happened last time and that speech you gave about respect? »

« I want you to be intimidating. » Kondou smiled, in the same way a conspirator would « Think of it as an acting performance. I don’t want you to hurt them, or break any rules, you understand ? But make them scared that you could, make yourself bigger than you really are, use your height to your advantage, and shine so bright it’d kill the flame of their combativity. »

« That still doesn’t sound very fair-play… » Souji muttered, before he smiled « but I can do that, Kondou-san! »

« Remember, no broken rules, no broken bones. »

« I’ll keep that in mind. » Souji chuckled. « But I’m really surprised you’d advise me to do that, Kondou-san. »

« Kendo is also a battle of the minds, and that’s the angle of attack we’re working with in the competition today. » Kondou nodded « Oda is a freshman, and he learns quickly, but he’s still very green. And Sato and Ito lack confidence in their abilities, even if Ito really stepped up this year. This strategy might give Oda and Sato a chance they wouldn’t have otherwise. Besides, it’ll be a good learning opportunity for you. Use your aggressivity, don’t let it control you, and you’ll be the best kendoka there is. »

Souji let that comment sink in, still a bit salty not to have a more prestigious position in the team, but now having a better understanding of what his role was. If Oda and Sato could win their matches after him, then his sacrifice would have been worth it. 

« I won’t disappoint you, Kondou-san. »

« I know, Souji. » Kondou gave him another tap on the shoulder « Whatever happens, you won’t. »

Souji smiled and nodded, before he turned hopeful eyes towards the principal.

« Kondou-san, do you think I can still demonstrate my talent as Jiho ? If I’m only fighting people below my level, will talent scooters still be able to see I have worth? »

« That’s up to you, Souji. » Kondou smiled in understanding, but he couldn’t lie to him « Jiho isn’t an easy position to shine in. We both know it. If you want to be scooted, you’ll have to give your all on the individual matches, and get a prize there. I know you can do it, if you fight seriously and respectfully. And who knows ? If you pique the curiosity of someone, they’ll come to see how you do in a team. If they see you put the team above your own glory, and bring the team to victory, then yes, you could shine as a Jiho. Two things are important to scooters : talent and team spirit. Show them you have both, even if it’s on two separate occasions. »

Souji felt a lot better after that, all pumped up. Kondou didn’t lie to him, didn’t coddle him. Being second to fight was an obstacle to show his true talent, but he could turn it around. He felt renewed combativity, and couldn’t wait for the individual matches to start. He’d win that medal. 

« Well, then. » Kondou ruffled Souji’s hair with a chuckle, even if it was super awkward with how much taller Souji was compared to the principal « I trust you’ll be fine. I’m gonna go see how Ito’s doing. »

« You won’t watch me fight, Kondou-san ? » asked Souji with a pinch from within his chest. 

« The others need me and my support more than you do. » Kondou ruffled his hair again « I’ll come by, don’t worry. Show me there’s something to see here. »

« Okay. »

Kondou waved his hand and went away, leaving Souji alone. Midori wouldn’t come, Hajime… probably in the afternoon. He was alone for real for hours starting now. Well, not like he had any say in this, and Kondou wasn’t HIS sensei, but the club’s sensei. He had to be there for everyone, not only Souji. 

He wondered if the others had their families coming to cheer on them… Another thing Souji didn’t have. There was no one to make proud, except of course Kondou, but if he wasn’t even here to watch, was there really a point in being the best ? 

His eyes scanned the room, hoping to see blue eyes stand from the crowd, or be able to tell who was there to scout talent, but to no avail. Soon, he was called for his first match, and put his helmet on, entering the shiaijo. His adversary was pretty short, and his stance wasn’t perfect. Even before it started, Souji knew it was going to be a piece of cake, and he wasn’t mistaken. He beat that boy 2-0, and same for all the ones that followed. He didn’t have more mercy when he fought against Sato, from his own team. It’s not that they were all weak or anything, but he did as Kondou said, and gave it his all. As soon as he was given an opening, he wouldn’t miss, landing his shinai with precision, shouting without holding back any breath. Because of that, there wasn’t any doubt on any of the points he scored, and soon enough, he was undefeated in all his individual matches. 

« Congratulations. »

« Ah, Hajime-kun ! » smiled Souji, rubbing a towel on his face to wipe the sweat away. Wearing a helmet all morning wasn’t really comfortable and his hair was already all greasy with the effort. « How long have you been here ? »

« Not long. » replied his friend, shaking his head « I didn’t even get the chance to see one of your encounters in full. That last point you scored was an impressive demonstration of swordsmanship, though. » 

Souji’s smile grew wider, elated to be praised like that by someone as good as Hajime. He drank from his water bottle, then popped a lolli in his mouth, savoring that little moment of grace without the discomfort of his gear. 

« Thanks. I’m undefeated, just like last time. »

« I didn’t expect any less. I look forward to the team matches. »

A shadow passed on Souji’s face and Hajime noticed, tilting his head in confusion as to why his comment provoked such a glum reaction. 

« I’m going second for the team matches, there won’t be much to look at. »

« Second ? How so ? Is this some kind of punishment for last time’s events ? I can speak to Kondou-san if you deem it necessary, and take full blame for what happened. »

« No. » Souji pouted with a sulk « It’s Heisuke-kun’s choice as captain. »

« To have you as Jiho ? »

« Yeah. »

« ... But why ? »

Souji explained the strategy behind it, trying not to show his friend how the decision affected him. He tried his best to sprinkle Kondou’s hopes and advice in there and show enthusiasm for endorsing that super duper important role that would bring the team to greatness. 

Hajime stayed silent for a while, and that amused Souji. It was as if he could see the loading screen above his head while his friend was quietly calculating all his options. Yet, he might have encountered a « System Error » at some point, because he drew the longest sigh Souji ever heard leaking from his lips, and turned to him with a pained look in his eyes. 

« I will follow your matches nonetheless. » he stated « Make it worth my time. »

« What’s that ? » Souji laughed « Worth your time, uh ? Well, if you ask that nicely, I’ll try to put on a show. »

« That’s the spirit ! » he heard behind them, and the boys turned around to find Kondou, all smiley « Boys, everyone’s been doing so well ! I’m so proud of you all ! »

Kondou wiped a tear from his eye and the three boys behind him looked a little uncomfortable with this sudden display of affection. Chizuru was there too, holding out an energy drink for him, which Souji grabbed with a « thanks ». 

« What’s everyone’s score ? » Souji asked Heisuke.

« Out of the five matches, I won three of them. » 

« Only three ? »

« Yeah, well… I was in a pretty tough spot. »

« I won all five. » added Ito.

« Two for me. » continued Sato.

« One. » pouted Oda « and one of Toudou’s victory’s against me. »

« That’s already great ! » Kondou stated « Oda-kun, you’ve been practicing for only a few weeks, can you imagine what you’ll be capable of, a few months from now ? »

Hajime and Souji both had the same sourpuss expression on their faces. No one wanted to get the team’s hopes down, but that wasn’t the high scores they expected. If Hajime hadn’t quit the team, they’d have had their chance. But Sato was already a third year student and had been stagnating for a while. As for Oda, he was just too green for competition. Without Hajime, they had a joke of a team. Souji’s gaze drifted to Hajime. Was he thinking the same as he was ? 

Chapter Text

« Souji, you’re ready for the team matches ? » asked Kondou. 

« Yes, Kondou-san. » Souji sighed, disappointed, but still ready to give it his all.

« Good. » he replied, ignoring Souji’s draw « Some fighters came only for the individual fights… Let’s see… Yes, three of them. There’s 2 teams. It’s gonna be hard. »

Two teams… That wasn’t ideal. If there were four teams total, there could be parallel matches. With three, one team had to stay on the bench while the other two were fighting, giving them all the time they needed to observe and study their opponents, their fighting skills and build a strategy. 

« Kondou-san » said Souji « Without the element of surprise, are you sure our strategy can work ? »

« Toudou-kun ? » Kondou asked, looking at the captain.

« Yeah… I’m not sure… » he confessed « But I don’t see another way. »

Let Hajime-kun fight ! Souji thought, but it was a vain hope. Hajime didn’t have his armor, his kimono or hakama… Plus, he wasn’t even registered as a fighter. Oh, and didn’t have a dojo licence either. 

« Let’s try it out. » Kondou confirmed « And we’ll adjust our strategy at the next tournament. »

« Hakuou school ? You’re registered as team 3. » the shinpan called. 

« Alright, boys ! It’s time to go ! »

The two teams in front of them were high schoolers, too. Souji recognized three of them in one team. He fought them in individual matches already and defeated them. Two of them were also defeated by Sato since they were in the same group of six. The third one beat him, but with an out-of-zone point then a time out. Souji already knew that one of these three would be his opponent. No way the other two were weaker than that. That relieved him. That victory was already pretty much assured. 

The other team didn’t have any fighter he knew, so out of their ten adversaries, he knew only about three total. He turned to Heisuke, Oda and Ito to have more intel. 

« The four fighters we’ve been against are here. » confirmed Heisuke. « Two in the first team, two in the second. »

« You said it was a tough spot. » Souji remembered. 

« Yeah. » confirmed Oda. 

« They’re all pretty good. » Heisuke confirmed. « Oda-kun won against that one, I did too, and I also won against… that one. »

Fuck. The two of them were in the first team.

« So, if I recapitulate… » Souji muttered, trying to keep an understanding of the situation « Team 1 is basically people we already beat once, even Oda-kun and Sato-kun. »

« Basically. »

« What about team 2? »

« I lost against these two. Chizuru knows one of them. » Heisuke gestured. 

« Ito-kun, you know the last three ? »

« Yeah. » he nodded « I won against them. »

« Point, zone or time ? »

« One kote point on the wrist and time out, and these two out of zone, then time out. »

« Okay. »

« Look at you, Souji ! » Kondou laughed « Strategizing and all ! That’s good team spirit. »

Souji didn’t even answer Kondou, which was a rare occurrence. He was pretty confident Team 1 wouldn’t be a problem. Team 2, on the other hand… Two of their fighters were good enough to take down Heisuke, and the other three did lose against Ito, but he was only able to score 1-0 before time was up, giving him the victory. Depending on the order they’d fight in, it could be a butchery. 

« The second team is my previous school. » Hajime said, suddenly.

« Any advice ? » Souji asked.

« Him. » he nodded in the direction of one of the guys « He’s from… »

« I’m calling team 1 and 3 first. » said the shinpan. 

Team 3, that was them. So they won’t have time to study Team 2 before they get the chance to study them, then. Even worse scenario. Once the roles would be defined, they’d stay the same for the whole tournament. Souji could feel it in his guts, that being Jiho wasn’t gonna help his team win. 

« Kondou-san… » he started, but before he could say anything else, the shinpan called the Sempo, first to fight and Ito entered the shiaijo with his helmet on. 

The boy was focused. His victories in the individual matches probably galvanized him, and made him gain a little bit of that confidence he lacked. He moved well, against an adversary Souji already fought. He beat him 2-0, a few seconds before the time out, and the Hakuou team cheered, glad to have already scored with their first match as a team.

« Heisuke-kun, you’re sure… »

« Jiho, enter the shiaijo. »

There was no respite, then. Since he didn’t have time to explain to Kondou and Heisuke that they were making a mistake, Souji gritted his teeth and put his helmet on.

Fuck it. I’ll show them how fucking good of a Jiho I am. They’ll see it’s a waste to have me there.

In front of him came the boy Sato and he both beat in the individual encounters, supposedly the weakest of the whole team. Souji squared his shoulders, trying his best to look impressive, use his height and large frame to make the other kid quake, but frankly, he didn’t even need that. His adversary had an overview of Souji’s abilities before, and he was already shrinking before him. 

« Hajime ! » yelled the shinpan and Souji stepped forward with his blade aiming at his opponent’s head. 

The latter didn’t dodge, nor blocked, he just shivered with a backward step, and Souji’s blade hit his helmet right on top. 

« Point to Team 3. »

They got back in position, and this time, Souji landed a tsuki right on his powerless opponent’s throat. 

« Point and match to Team 3. »

Souji removed his helmet and high-fived Oda for him to go after him. He stood next to the rest of his team and watched the rest of the matches. Oda won his, his opponent visibly disturbed and making rookie mistakes. At least, that point in their strategy was working. Sato lost, against a guy he already lost in individual matches, then Heisuke secured the win for the team. 

« Team 3 wins against Team 1 with a score of 4-1 »

Their first victory as a team ! Souji gave a thumbs up to Hajime and his friend smiled softly in return with a nod. 

« Team 3, as the winner, you get to fight Team 2 next. »

The real challenge was about to begin. Ito drank a bit of water and grabbed his helmet, ready to fight. This match was gonna be decisive. If these guys were good, Team 1 was too weak to be a real threat to them. If they weren’t, well, the Hakuou team would win easily and those two victories would ensure them to win the tournament. 

Ito found himself against an opponent he already fought, and lost his match 0-2. Souji sighed, that didn’t bode well. Plus, now they didn’t have the element of surprise anymore, since they blew it on Team 1 under Team 2’s watchful eyes. Any show Souji could put on wouldn’t make them forget that they already saw Oda and Sato fight, and that Souji, despite going second, was a lot better than them, and not the weakest as normally expected. 

He put his helmet on, and saw his opponent get ready in front of him, but another student also caught his gaze, the one Hajime talked about before. He was gesticulating to their coach, almost begging him to let him go next. The coach didn’t seem to want to listen to him, though, and the guy respectfully gave in. Odd, Souji thought. What could push someone to want to be Jiho ? 

His match was as uneventful as the first one. 2-0 in the blink of an eye, using his aggressive aura like Kondou advised him. Oda after him lost his match too, and Sato won from a hairbreadth, with an out-of-zone just before time out. Game over, Souji thought. Heisuke was fighting their strongest team member, the guy Hajime warned about and against whom Heisuke already lost in the morning. Their chances of coming back from that were slim.

« Good luck, Heisuke-kun ! » Chizuru cheered. 

Their captain winked with a genuine smile going from ear to ear. In front of him, the guy Hajime warned them about put his wavy auburn hair back and brushed it behind his ears, before trapping it all within his helmet.

« Good luck to you too, Hachiro-kun ! »

« Thank you, Chizuru-chan. » a polite and cheerful voice echoed from behind the grid.

« Iba. » Hajime explained « His family owns a dojo and have been masters for generations. He’s trained all his life. »

« How come Chizuru-chan knows that guy ? » Souji lifted an eyebrow.

« No clue. » Hajime shook his head « I never encountered her before I transferred here. »

« So he’s a rich prick with talent, uh ? Iba Hachiro… »

The match began and Heisuke kept his guard up, not ready to underestimate his opponent again. Plus, having Chizuru cheer on both sides certainly didn’t help his morale. Iba was focused, not cocky at all like Souji would have expected from a dojo heir with much more training than they all had. 

« Point to Team 2. »

Heisuke wasn’t a bad fighter, far from it, but there was no way he could have evaded that « do » on his flanks. Iba waited patiently for the right time, the right occasion, and struck. This was not raw talent, but years of polishing a well-studied technique. 

« He’s going to lose. » said Hajime very matter-of-factly, next to him. 

« You’re sure of that ? »

« Heisuke always has the same pattern when he gets on the shiaijo. » explained Hajime « Either he scores the first point and wins his match, or his opponent gets it, and he loses focus. »

« You’ve seen all that from the few times he lost ? It might be a coincidence. »

« I agree it is merely a conjecture on my end. But look… » Hajime’s chin pointed at the fight in front of them. « His breathing isn’t as measured as it was. »

Souji reported his attention to the fight. If there was something in Heisuke that showed stress, he couldn’t decipher it from his movements alone, and with the armor hiding his face, he couldn’t use his expression either. If Hajime was seeing something, it wasn’t for the untrained eye to see. Souji thought he was pretty good at reading people and their expressions, but Hajime seemed to be on a whole new level. How the shy boy could be that good at deciphering Heisuke’s stress in his current position, and yet, so blind to Souji’s feeling really was a mystery to him. 

Souji turned to Chizuru, looking at her expression. She had a smile on her face, but wasn’t cheering anymore. Although before and after was tolerated, it wasn’t really welcomed during the match. He regretted it, for once. Chizuru could have brought Heisuke’s fighting spirit back, and why not, destabilize the other guy in the process. 

Heisuke wasn’t completely overpowered, though. He was blocking and blocking again, striking an attack that Iba was blocking and blocking again, waiting again for the perfect opportunity to arise. They seemed of equal level on the surface. Iba had years of technique, but Heisuke had talent. It was hard to determine who could get the upper hand. 

« Three minutes. Time’s up. Team 2 wins this encounter 1-0. »

Souji sighed, even if it wasn’t that bad of a score. The tournament was lost. If he had been captain… If he had been against this guy… 

« Heisuke-kun, well done ! » cheered Chizuru next to him, when Heisuke came back to them with a bitter face « It’s amazing how you managed to defend yourself for so long ! »

« I still lost, Chizuru. » he replied with a dry laugh. 

« Team 2 against Team 1. »

The fighters got ready and Souji wondered if there was still a point in watching that encounter. Team 1 was gonna bite the dust so fast, it wasn’t even interesting to watch on a technical standpoint. 

Heisuke dragged his feet to his team, leaving Chizuru to cheer on Iba. 

« How come Chizuru-chan knows that guy ? » Souji asked Heisuke, since Hajime hadn’t been any help on that matter. 

« They’re childhood friends, apparently. » he shrugged « Chizuru’s dad was his family’s doctor. She told me about him when I first told her I was in the kendo club, but I had never seen him before. » 

« Well, now you’re acquainted… » Souji muttered.

« Yeah… » Heisuke sighed « He beat me in the morning while Chizuru was watching… I wanted to pay him back in his own coin, but… Well, you’ve seen how that went. »

« Did Chizuru-chan say something ? »

« No, not really. She praised him, but didn’t mock me or anything. »

« Iba was a member of the kendo team I was in when we were both freshmen. » Hajime added. « He was our Fukusho. »

« Second-last to fight ? » Souji asked, surprised. « Who was the Taisho, then ? »

« I was. » Hajime smiled. 

« Umm… So the freshmen were having the best positions ? »

« Our school was a prestigious one, and yet, our kendo club wasn’t. » Hajime specified « Most of the club members were only coming because they wanted to do something cool, or because their families insisted on the practice of a martial art, not really to improve themselves or enter competition. Our Jiho and Chuken weren’t that good. They graduated already, as did the Sempo. They’re not in the team anymore. The current Fukusho is new, but I still recognize him, it’s Motoyama. He’s a friend of Iba. I guess he must have talked him into joining the club since I left, and took my open position as captain. »

Souji’s lips curled into a sulk. He didn’t like hearing Hajime refer to his previous team as « our team ». His team should be the Hakuou Academy one. 

The teams fought during their conversation, and unsurprisingly, Team 2  was crowned winner of the competition, as the Koubu institute. Then, the results for the individual awards were announced and Souji couldn’t believe it when his name was called, along with Ito’s. 

« Souji ! » cheered Kondou next to him « You got first place ! »

« I did ? » he asked in disbelief.

« Well, you were undefeated. » Hajime said « and won all your matches 2-0, apparently. An impressive performance. »

« I’m third. » said Ito, especially proud.

« We’re bringing two medals home ! » Kondou grabbed both boys by their shoulders « I’m so proud of you, boys ! »

« Iba’s second, then. » Heisuke pointed at the guy who was with Chizuru, sharing his joy in a very restrained way. He then turned to Ito and him and walked their way, still accompanied by Chizuru.

« Congratulations. » he smiled.

« Thanks. » nodded Ito « You too. »

« I’m a little disappointed not to have been able to fight with you. » Iba turned to Souji « I asked my coach, but he refused. »

« I saw. » Souji crossed his arms with an expression of distrust « Why’d you do that ? »

« I knew Chizuru-chan’s boyfriend… Toudou-kun, was it ? » he asked for confirmation, and Heisuke nodded « I knew he would be the last to fight and I already encountered him in individual matches. »

« And ? » Souji wasn’t really following.

« Well, I thought beating you would have been more merciful to poor Chizuru-chan, instead of seeing her boyfriend lose twice. » he chuckled with a charming smile, although nothing was charming in his words « and more of a show for her, too. »

« Beating me, uh ? » Souji smiled, « Good luck on that. »

« Okita-senpai is super strong, Iba-kun. » Chuckled Chizuru.

« Okita-kun, I hope we’ll encounter each other on the shiaijo. » he said before turning to Hajime « I was surprised not to see you in gear, Saito-kun. »

« I’m a spectator, not a member of the kendo club. »

« What a shame, you would make a fine captain for this team. »

« I have other plans. »

« It’s good to see you nonetheless. I wondered where you ended up after you quitted Koubu institute. I’m glad you found another option with a kendo club. »

« Iba-kun, will you join us to celebrate ? » Asked Chizuru.

« I wouldn’t want to intrude. » he smiled « Have a nice end of afternoon, Chizuru-chan, Hakuou Academy. »

He bowed respectfully, still with that charming smile plastered on his face. Souji couldn’t explain why, but he wasn’t liking that guy very much. 

« Yeah, thanks. You too. » slightly bowed Ito in return, followed by the whole team, even Souji.

He walked away and they all went back to the locker room to shower and change. Hajime and Chizuru stayed with Kondou until everyone was ready to hop in the minibus, and they joined them for a crepe Kondou offered to everyone, elated to have the Hakuou kendo club win two medals, even if they weren’t the team’s one. 

Souji ate his crepe with everyone, still a little bitter that he wasn’t able to demonstrate his talents in full today, but happy he had been the best in the whole tournament. Next week was their field trip to Kyoto and then, who knows ? He might be captain again. Surely he showed Kondou he could keep his head cool in the face of competition, and even won a medal doing so. 

His gaze drifted to the principal, who was laughing with whipped cream on his nose. 

Did I make you proud, Kondou-san ? 

Chapter Text

Kyoto. Here they were. As soon as they got out of the train station, they could see the tower, elated. It wasn't as iconic as the Tokyo Tower, red and white, but Souji thought it looked prettier, all shiny, like a giant rod planting a UFO. He looked around him but it wasn't as different as any Tokyo station to be honest. Kinda disappointing. He didn't know what he imagined. Of course Kyoto has been through evolution too but he kinda expected it to look more… traditional… Even just out the station.

« Okay, is everyone here ? » asked Hijikata-sensei, eyes scanning the students « have you all formed groups of three already ? I also need one group of four for girls. Groups aren't mixed. I will put you in the same dormitories so girls with girls and boys with boys, am I clear ? »

« Yes, sensei ! »

« Actually, Hijikata-san » cut Harada, a notepad in hand « I have the list here already. »

« Oh good. Then form the groups. » Hijikata took a cigarette packet out of his vest, looking pissed already, and he lit a smoke, exhaling with relief while muttering to himself « damn, that was a long ride. I needed that. »

The smell caught Souji's nose and he got out a strawberry lollipop in response, annoyed to see how much his body craved the smoke. He didn't realise before, when he was taking one regularly, but now that he was trying to stop, his body really needed it. Lucky he only picked up that habit for a few months… but… one wouldn't hurt, would it ? Not here in Kyoto with Hajime watching him that closely but once he would not crave it that much, he could maybe get back to it, just for moments with Midori, maybe.

Things weren't going well between his girlfriend and him for a few days. Since he stopped smoking actually. That was the only thing they used to share, it was a little ritual between them. Now, her smell was making Souji mad and his lollipops were annoying her to the bone. They weren't arguing really but it was as if a gap was creating itself between them, little by little, small crack on the pavement transforming into a yawning abyss. She wasn't even trying to spend time with him anymore and he wasn't missing it. When they were together… They were a couple… more or less. She put that selfie from the camera store as the locked screen on her phone and she was still kissing him, cuddling him… but the messages stopped. The bentos. The way she was running to him after training. The dates. And worst of all, he didn't care.

He was watching her, on the other side of that breach, getting further, and his heart wasn't even aching. But even if he was indifferent, he didn't want her to be. He wanted her to get mad, to yell, to cling to him, to repeat that she loved him, to try to make things right between them… and he was even more irritated that she was letting go that easily. That girl really wallowed in indifference. First her parents, now him. It was just sliding on her. She indulged herself in believing she was a victim when she wasn't even fighting for anything. Pathetic. He wondered how he didn't notice that earlier, behind her joyfulness and boldness. She was an empty shell.

Harsh maybe. Maybe he shouldn't be that harsh with her, but her sole presence and her smell of cigarettes was enough to get his back up, now. He was happy this school trip was only for third year and that he was away from her. Plus, he was with Hajime. More reasons to make his heart lighter.

They didn't see each other out of school since the arcade, Hajime too busy to give him precious minutes of his time. He had been studying non-stop before the trip, telling him that time spent visiting temples, although pleasant, was time wasted that could be used to study. He had to be sure not to be dragging after the Kyoto trip and the few golden week days that would follow. As if Hajime could be left behind by the rest of the class… That guy was always one step ahead. But nevermind, Souji was leaving him in his obsession, hoping that he would relax after January and the exams for university.

« Saito-kun, Okita-kun. » bowed Yamazaki, getting next to them.

Right. The health correspondent was in their group. He nearly forgot already. But it was him or Kazama so Souji was pretty satisfied with how it turned out. There weren't any other boys he was getting along with anyway. Even Ito, who he knew from the kendo club, wasn't really close to them. They just happened to have the same hobby.

« Yamazaki-kun. » nodded Hajime.

« Everyone's in groups of three ? » shouted Harada « okay then ! The hotel is not very far but stay together ! We're going to put our luggages in our rooms and meet back downstairs. Today's visit is Nijojô, the shogun's residence in Kyoto during the entire Edo Era. I hope you're as excited as I am ! »

The history teacher did sound very enthusiastic and Souji wondered how he could be that way when he was probably doing this every year since he got his job. Hijikata's sour face was more logical for once.

They all followed to the hotel and Souji was disappointed again. He imagined a ryokan, with tatami rooms and shoji, but he got that small room all white, with toilets and showers outside the room, with just six futons and a white, impersonal cupboard.

« Group 1 and 2 in here ! » said Harada « girls you follow Hijikata-sensei ! Group 3, 4 and 5, follow me ! »

Souji put his bag down on a random bedding and Hajime and Yamazaki did the same, just like group 1. He didn't need to change clothes or anything so he laid down, hands behind his head, looking at the blank ceiling and the fan blades, turning slowly with a soothing « whoooosh ».

« Souji. We should join the sensei downstairs if you are ready. » said Hajime, finishing to fold his shirts in the cupboard.

« In a minute. They have luggages too, you know. »

Souji took a lollipop out of his pocket and unwrapped it before laying it on his tongue. His gaze was still locked on the ceiling. He wasn't feeling very well and wondered if the train, like the boat, could give motion sickness to some people. There was something in him making him feel nauseous and was aching with each of his breaths, just like when he was having coughing dreams.

« Are you unwell ? »

« Souji, You're unwell. »

An echo. Hajime's voice merged with past Hajime's, the long haired one. It was stronger than before, he could hear him as if he was just here, not underwater but by his side, concerned about him, not past Souji but the Souji he was now. What a strange feeling.

« I'm fine. » he sighed, sitting up « you wanna go downstairs already ? »

Hajime nodded shyly and Souji turned his gaze to Yamazaki.

« You ? »

« I'm ready. »

« Let's go then. »

As expected, the teachers weren't there yet and Yamazaki and Hajime were both very happy about it. Both of them were Hijikata-sensei's fanboys, trying to be model students and always defending the oh-so-undefendable teacher everytime he was passing his nerves on a student, preferably Souji. Not that Souji was a victim of it. Usually, he was the one provoking the teacher's fury on purpose.

Little by little, other students joined, all in their uniforms. Even if they weren't in Hakuou school, they still had to wear it to be spotted easily and because it still was supposed to be educational. Only thing Souji could think about were Kyoto sweets though. Last ones to join were the teachers, Harada-sensei looking like a perfect tourist with his aviator sunglasses.

« Alright ! » he yelled, still as enthusiastic as when they got off the train « today Nijojô ! Then a temple not very far, well two to be fair, Nishi Honganji and Higashi Honganji. They're close to each other, they used to be one. Then you have a little bit of time off. BUT ! Everyone back at the hotel before 7pm and no exceptions ! Even if you grab something to eat in Pontocho, dinner is here, okay ? At 9pm, everyone in bed ! »

Protests were voiced in whispers but Hijikata's glare silenced them.

« Tomorrow, big day ! Imperial palace in the morning then we move to the east part of the city for the National Museum ! If we have time, a few temples but honestly, we won't have time to visit them all, even the big ones. So I leave it up to you. You can move by three and visit whatever you want. If you need a guide or maps, ask me or the hotel's receptionist. »

« Not Hijikata-sensei ? » asked Souji, unable to refrain himself « could it be that he can't read a map ? »

« Okita ! Shut up ! » barked the literature teacher before anyone could answer. « Keep commenting and you're staying in your room all afternoon ! »

« Aren't we supposed to move in groups of three ? »

« You're on thin fucking ice ! »

« Calm down, calm down… » tried Harada « okay, I'm not gonna bother you any longer, I can see I'm already making you all sleepy. We'll talk about the rest of the trip later. Everyone's here, ready to go ? »

« Sensei, Kazama's missing. » said a girl.

« Where is that prick again ? » muttered Hijikata, a vein popping from his forehead.

« Kazama-sama has a vacation residence in Kyoto, sensei » said Serizawa Kanna « he's gonna stay there instead of the hotel. »

« What ?! Harada, you lead them to Nijojô, I'm gonna find that kid. »

« Roger roger ! » laughed the history teacher « let's go, everyone ! »

They followed him through the streets of Kyoto, looking around, until they arrived to the palace.

« Impressive, right ? »

Not that impressive to be honest. Souji expected a castle, with stories and a donjon… but it was a flat manor. Okay, it was pretty, and ancient, and… well the shoguns did live there, which in itself, was already impressive enough. But he wasn't feeling that elated in the end. He felt… out of place… as if he wasn't supposed to be here.

Hajime next to him was fidgety and his gaze wandered on the courtyard, the door… he didn't say a word but Souji could see that something was off.

« Okay, our guide's inside so let's get in ! » said Harada.

« No. » whispered Hajime and Souji lifted an eyebrow.

« What ? You don't wanna see the inside ? »

« No... I… » he stuttered, blushing a little in embarrassment « Yes, of course I do... »

« Let's go, okay ? » smiled Souji « everyone's ahead of us already ! Even Yamazaki-kun. Isn't that guy supposed to stay with us ? That "group of three" thing is bullshit. »

Hajime still seemed a little hesitant, but he eventually followed Souji inside. The visit had already started, but they successfully joined the others unnoticed. They were lucky Hijikata was absent, chasing after Kazama, because Harada was a lot more chill. He didn't have the hawk eyes of the demon literature teacher. Souji kept an eye on Hajime during the whole visit, not really paying attention to the guide's words, but his friend seemed to have totally forgotten about his earlier confusion. He was stoic, back straight and taking a few notes, attentive to the historical facts in every decorated room they were entering, let it be about the different shoguns or the cranes and tigers painted on the walls. Probably that place wasn't triggering anything anymore…

When they stepped out, they thanked the guide for his time and got a few minutes to take pictures or ask questions. That's when Hijikata joined them, followed by a Kazama that looked like he was ready to ask for the teacher's head. The contempt in his eyes was the one of a lord surrounded by maggots, and Souji thought that he didn't miss the blond boy at all during his absence.

« Sorry for the wait. » he told Harada « had to call his parents to get the address and drag him here. Thought I'd have to tie him up at some point. »

« No prob ! » laughed Harada « visit's over, though. »

« Nevermind. I don't care. » he replied, lighting a cigarette with his brows knitted « next step ? »

« Honganji temples. »

« Right. » he sighed « kids, you're done ? We're moving. »

The walk to the temple was longer than expected. They should have taken a bus to be honest… Even if most people were actually biking. Bikes seemed to be very popular here in Kyoto, a lot more than in Tokyo. There were some everywhere and same for the bike rental shops. Everywhere. The closer they got from the temples, the more shops they could see, probably because they were heading towards the train station.

They started the visit by Higashi Honganji where Harada-sensei explained that it was built a little after the Nishi Honganji and that its main hall was the largest wood structure in Kyoto. He also explained the history of the Jodo-Shin sect, one of Japan's largest buddhist sects. Then, they joyfully moved on to Nishi Honganji, which was a lot more interesting.

Harada-sensei told them about the build, ordered by Toyotomi Hideyoshi, after the former temple was destroyed by Oda Nobunaga… He told them about the Azuchi-Momoyama era, the architecture that was still there to this day… Stories about lords and samurai were a lot more interesting.

The temple was huge. Like, really huge. It could have hosted a hundred people easily. The monks were having a ceremony so they tried their best not to disturb, but it was so spacious that they could avoid interfering anyway.

They walked on the temple grounds, but Souji was feeling uneasy here… The thorn in his chest that installed itself since he got in town was growing, making him out of breath… He was feeling like he just ran laps for hours on the school's athletic tracks, threatening to throw up any minute from now, due to the effort and the lactic acid. The thickness of the humidity in the air probably wasn't helping. It was a particularly hot day for early May… Climate change, they say…

Souji !

« Souji ! »

« Sensei ! »

The cough made him fall on his knees, his hand clenched on his shirt. It ached… it ached… it ached… He couldn't stop coughing, more and more, until he was spitting blood and… other things… strange things looking like bloody red little trees made of flesh… it ached… there was no way to stop it… He was spitting blood, but not enough for him not to swallow some of it back, drowning, gargling…

« Did he swallow one of his damn sweets ?! » he heard, feeling Hijikata opening his shirt and strongly massaging his back « Kid ! Hey ! Okita ! »

« I… I don't think so... »

Don't look at me ! 

« Souji, let me help you. »

I don't 

« Souji, please. »

need you. 

« Help ! »

« Hijikata-sensei… He's... »

No way

Go away.

Don't 

I don't want you to

See Me. 

Don't 

Grieve.

Don't 

Cry.

Don't 

Don't 

Don't

« He's calming down... »

Souji's pain receded little by little and there was no blood before him, nothing. Hajime was there, clenching on his hand and Hijikata had his arms around him, squeezing to make him throw up the imaginary sweet.

« Okita, you're okay ? »

« Ha… Yes, sensei. »

« I don't want to ever see you with your damn lollipops when I'm around, am I clear ?! You almost choked to death ! Where is it ?! »

« There wasn't any lollipop, sensei... » said Yamazaki, also by Souji's side.

« There has to be one ! Kid didn't choke on nothing ! »

« It's my fault, sensei. » muttered Hajime in a half voice « I had sweets, hard ones. It's probably what made him choke. »

« Saito, give me those sweets. They’re confiscated until further notice. No more incidents, understood ?! »

« I don't have any left, sensei. »

« Good. I see one of you with hard sweets, I'm confiscating them on the spot. Seriously, choking like that… What are you, kindergarten boys ?! » he spitted, brows knitted « and that's for all of you ! Anyone with these is getting a month of detention ! With me ! »

« Yes, sensei ! »

« Understood, Okita ?! »

« Yes, sensei… » he sulked.

« Harada, let's go. » said Hijikata, getting up and rubbing his hands on his knees to get the dirt off his suit.

« Sure. »

« You two are grounded. You can forget time off in the city by yourself. »

Souji didn't answer and Hajime accepted the punishment with a bow. A little farther, Kazama and his blonde girlfriend were mocking him with contempt.

Chapter Text

« Souji... »

« Souji »

Souji opened his eyes, sighing, listening to the sound of the fan above his head. He took a second to remember where he was, in the hotel dormitory in Kyoto that he was sharing with five other boys that he could see calmly sleeping not very far away, thanks to the light of the public lighting through the window. Annoyed to be woken up by a dream again, he turned to the side.

« Souji. »

Ah, that wasn't part of his dream, then… Hajime was really calling his name, whispering in the dark room in the middle of the night.

« What ? »

« Are you awake ? »

« Do you have any more stupid questions ? »

No answer but sounds of ruffling sheets before he felt his cover lift up and a body slid itself in his futon.

« Hey, what are you doing ?! » whispered Souji, caught off guard by Hajime's sudden bold move. They were with others here ! And… What was he doing in his bed in the first place ?!

« I need to talk to you. »

« We can talk without being in the same bed ! »

« The closer we are, the less noise it makes, and I don't want to interfere with anyone's sleep. »

« That's not the point ! »

« It's fine, Souji. We're both men. »

That's the problem, dummy ! 

Souji's heart was beating fast already and he was making tremendous efforts to calm it down, along with other parts of his body which seemed to be fully aware that Hajime was inches away from him, in a buttoned pajama that surely wouldn't be difficult to remove.

Why am I thinking about that ?! Stupid hormones…

« What do you want ? » he asked on the defensive.

« Nishi-Honganji. »

« What about it ? »

« What happened there ? »

« Nothing. » pouted Souji, remembering the humiliation.

They got grounded because Hajime took his defense, everyone was thinking that he choked on a stupid sweet and Hijikata got as far as to perform first aid on him. A disaster. And all that because of a stupid dream of coughing blood again. Okay, it was even more painful than usual but no big deal, in the end. He was accustomed now to die almost every night, coughing his lungs out until he woke up. He could get used to that pain. There was no way to fight it anyway. It was glued to him from an ancient him, in an ancient past, where people could die of anything and especially illnesses.

« Did you choke ? »

« Leave me alone. » muttered Souji « I don't want to talk about it. »

He turned his back on Hajime, hoping that his friend would decide to get back into his own bed. The rest of the boys were silent, one of them snoring a little, but it was difficult to find out which one it was.

« I saw it. »

« What ? »

« The blood... »

Souji turned back to face Hajime, lifting an eyebrow, but his friend was as stoic as usual.

« You saw it ? »

Hajime nodded.

« How come you saw it ? » asked Souji.

« I don't know... » muttered Hajime « but I did. It… It was… past you, wasn't it ? »

« Yeah. But you know that. You told me that you were taking care of me. »

Hajime laid back flat on the futon, looking at the ceiling above them.

« I didn't know. » he said « you told me, but… I had no idea... »

« About the blood ? »

« When I dream, you're either not ill, or you have a fever. I never witnessed… I didn't know... »

« Well, now you do. » replied Souji angrily « It's in the past anyway. I'm not really dying, you know ? They're memories. Fragments of the past. »

« Does it hurt ? »

« It's not the best feeling ever, not gonna lie. But it's fine. » he lied, surprised to see Hajime so upset by it « don't think about it. »

Hajime said nothing more and kept his gaze locked on the ceiling, as if intensely thinking, pondering the information. Souji let him, observing his stoic face, like the one of a statue. Why was he so upset ? He wasn't coughing lungs, him. Past him was healthy. So healthy that he left him behind in the end, leaving him to die alone in bed while he was going on with his life…

« There's something about this city. » said Hajime « I don't like it. »

« Yeah. It's stronger since we came here. We were probably living nearby. »

« At Nijojô » continued Hajime, surprisingly talkative « I didn't want to get in. »

« I noticed. »

« I felt unworthy. » he said, looking at Souji's reaction « I felt like I wasn't good enough to get in. I wanted to stay in the surroundings, where my place was. That was past me, I think… »

« Not ranked enough ? I thought we were warriors or something… Samurai were upper class. »

« I don't know. I just knew I already came there, but never got in. »

« Maybe that was your imagination, I didn't feel anything special there. »

« Perhaps… » muttered Hajime.

« But there's definitely something with this city. » said Souji to cheer him up awkwardly. Hajime really was upset tonight…

« How did you feel at Nishi-Honganji ? » he suddenly asked.

« I coughed my lungs out, dummy. »

« No, I meant, before that. » he specified.

Souji took a moment to think… He was excited to hear about Harada-san's samurai stories and then, the thorn in his chest had been itching so much that he couldn't really remember feeling anything else before he collapsed.

« Nothing special. You ? »

« Like coming home. » sighed Hajime « a relief, a kind of peace… »

« And I ruined it. » chuckled Souji.

Hajime didn't answer, lost in thoughts again. It was almost as if Souji could witness the never ending rows of 0 and 1 in his robot mind, so well organised.

« Souji. »

« Souji… »

« What ? »

But Hajime didn't answer, blushing and hiding part of his face in the sheet.

« What ? » repeated Souji.

« It's nothing. » he replied curtly.

« Well, if you're done, get out of my bed. We're gonna look like a couple, you know. »

Hajime's face became totally red, but he made no movement to get out from under the covers.

« Souji. » he called again after a while « are we… defined by who we were ? »

« What do you mean ? » he asked in return after such a strange question.

« Do they influence our lives ? » he specified « Do we even have free will ? »

« It's too late for metaphysical questions… » complained Souji.

« How to know which feelings are mine ? »

« You need to be able to feel first, you know. »

« That's not funny. »

« Sorry, Hajime-kun. » he chuckled « Well, I guess you just have to… know…? »

A boy moved in one of the futons and Souji and Hajime both tensed, quiet, waiting to find out if someone was listening and aware that they were together in the same bedding. After a little while of silence, they resumed their conversation.

« What exactly is bothering you ? » asked Souji, eager to have more information about Hajime's so-called feelings.

« Everything. » he sighed, brows knitted « I don't want my mind to be polluted by someone else. »

« Hey, at least, you're not in pain. » protested Souji. He was the unlucky one here.

« It's a different pain. » he muttered.

« Which one ? »

« Forget it. »

But Souji had no intention to let go of the bone now that Hajime threw it to his face. Past Hajime was suffering ? From what ?

« Hey, hey… » he shook Hajime's shoulder, urging him to speak « Which one ? »

« Are we bound to suffer just because our past lives were sad ? I don't want these memories, I didn't ask for them and I don't want to feel what past me felt, that's all. » he complained curtly.

Oh… Moody… Rare sight. Souji smirked, now having a pretty clear idea why Hajime wasn't telling him. Past Hajime was sad to see him weak, he could tell in his own dreams.

« It's not always sad. » said Souji.

« Either way, I don't want it. »

« Sometimes, it's really happy… And a bit different… » he continued, gauging Hajime's reactions « we were pretty close, for coworkers… »

Hajime's face turned bright red and he hid it in the sheets again. Knew it. He had the sex dreams too. They must be disturbing from his perspective, Souji guessed. Like him, Hajime was probably still a virgin and in his dreams… Well, he wasn't having sex in a very conventional way, for a man.

« Hey, don't think about it too much. » smiled Souji.

« Easy to say. »

« If overthinking was an olympic sport, you'd be world champion. » he chuckled.

« I just don't understand. » Hajime sighed.

He wasn't sure it was the right move, he wasn't sure Hajime wouldn't push him away, start yelling or why not pepper-spray him, but he gathered his courage anyway and awkwardly passed his arms around his friend, pulling him closer.

« Souji ? »

He didn't answer. He wasn't sure what to answer anyway. A man cuddling another man… Yet, it was the best idea he came up with. He didn't like that, to see Hajime upset… It was making him want to punch the teeth out of the cause of his sadness, but he couldn't really punch memories… He wanted to comfort him because if Hajime couldn't be the constant in his life, the only unwavering thing, then he had the feeling that everything else would just crumble. He needed him to be strong enough to pull him out of the darkness creeping in his heart.

His friend was stiff, but he didn't move and after a little while, he relaxed and passed his arms around Souji too. His face was turned downward and Souji was dying to see his expression, but he didn't dare to move, afraid that he could scare away the shy boy.

It felt nice… Like with Midori, except better. Hajime's hair smelled of mint, probably because of his shampoo, and he was warm. With him here, Souji was feeling like nothing else mattered. No anger, no insecurities, no darkness, only peace. As if only by holding him, he could reorganise his mind better, instead of the messy cloud he was accustomed to, and which was often overwhelming him. He wanted never to let go.

« Thank you by the way » said Souji with a smile « for lying to Hijikata-sensei. »

« You had no lollipop anyway. » muttered Hajime.

« I never thought I'd see you dare to lie to him, one day. »

« Don't think I'll cover up for you in the future. »

« Will you ? »

« No. »

« Even if I have a very good excuse ? »

« If it's an excuse, it doesn't matter if it's good or bad. By definition, it still means there was some wrongdoing. »

Souji chuckled in Hajime's hair, stroking it absently. It really was smelling nice, that mint shampoo.

« I should go back to my own bedding. » said Hajime after a while « we covered everything I wanted to discuss. »

« I don't feel like letting you go, now. » replied Souji with a mischievous grin.

Hajime writhed a little in his arms, without success, and gave up with a sigh, his breath sending shivers into Souji's neck and giving him absolutely no envy to loosen the vise of his arms.

« Souji. Let me go. »

« No way. »

« I'll scream. »

« And how are you gonna explain that you landed in my futon in the first place ? »

« Souji… »

« Say, let's bargain. » he asked suddenly.

« I don't bargain. »

« Then you're not going anywhere. »

Hajime sighed again and Souji's skin covered with goosebumps. Ah… How he craved to kiss the shy boy… But no way he'd take the risk to have him close himself again like an oyster. He needed a more subtle strategy.

« Fine. » Hajime said after a while « what do you want, Souji ? »

« Go out with me. »

Hajime stopped breathing and Souji regretted he couldn't see his expression. It was surely worth it. He stayed casual, waiting for his friend's answer but inside, he was terrified. What if it was a little too bold ? Would Hajime avoid him like the plague again ?

« Souji, I don't particularly appreciate your sense of humour. »

« I'm not joking. »

Hajime stayed silent again, and Souji didn't like that. Rejection was coming again, he could feel it, and that time, he won't get away with it by blaming the fever. Maybe he could blame the city and ancient him ? Yeah, that could work.

« Just to be clear » suddenly said Hajime, breaking the silence « you are asking for a date ? »

« Kind of. »

« Romantic date ? » he specified.

« Kind of. » he repeated, blushing too by now. He didn't really expect that he'd have to answer these questions. « Hear me out, past-us loved each other, okay ? »

« I… I suppose... »

« let's try it out, here in their city. Then maybe they'll leave us alone » he said, wondering if Hajime would buy it « and then back in Tokyo, we go on with our lives. »

« I see… » muttered Hajime « It does provide a subject for reflexion. »

« Go out with me, here. During the trip. » repeated Souji, not believing how lucky he was. « Let's do this. »

Hajime tensed in his arms, pondering the implications of going out with another man, probably. Sure, it wasn't really conventional, plus they still had to drag Yamazaki around, they needed to be discreet enough not to get caught by the teachers or worse, other students, otherwise they would never hear the end of it… Souji waited, more fidgety than he had ever been and he felt relieved like never before when Hajime gave consent.

« Alright. » he nodded « I am willing to do the experiment in order to get rid of these dreams. »

« That's the spirit. » chuckled Souji.

« Can you let me go, now ? »

« Not so fast, Hajime-kun ! » he grinned, pushing his luck « you need to tell me good night first. »

« Good night. »

« Like lovers. If we wanna get rid of them, we need to play fair. » he shrugged.

« Good night… love ? » blushed the shy boy, completely confused. « Is that sufficient ? »

« Good night, Hajime-kun… » replied Souji, lifting his friend's chin with a finger to deposit a small peck on his cheek. « Sweet dreams. »

Hajime's face got even redder, but he didn't comment as he exited Souji's futon to get back in his. The latter immediately felt his absence, deprived of his warmth, the smell of mint and the softness of the mane he had been petting. Yet, he had the biggest smile on his face. From now on, and for two more days, Hajime was his boyfriend, and he intended to make the best of it.

Chapter Text

Souji woke up in an excellent mood. It had been some time since he hadn't been that pumped. He felt like in a bubble of happiness, not even troubled by all the other boys around him, getting up, going out and back in on their way to the bathroom, dressing, visiting their friends in his room like a chaotic ballet. They all had to get ready and grab breakfast downstairs before going back to their visits. The imperial palace sure would be great, but the national museum… Ugh, he didn't really like that. Not that he didn't have an eye for art or that he didn't care about history and archeology, relics… but museums were such stern places… boring…

Yet, nothing could get him off his little cloud this morning. Hajime was his for two days. He hoped the shy boy didn't forget. Souji couldn't wait to be with him and show him that it wouldn't be that bad, actually, to be boyfriends… That was his only chance. There was no room for trial and error with Hajime. If he failed, Hajime would never want to try again. That was kinda scary, more than university and more than exams… He had to make that work, and not only for the sake of their past selves.

Hajime's words made him think, though… He loved him. He desired him. He wanted him to be his. But what if those weren't his genuine feelings, but past Souji's ? Could they disappear as quickly as they appeared once ancient him would be satisfied ? He wasn't sure if he'd like that. Hajime was representing too much to him for his feelings to vanish without warning. Yet, it could also make him like girls. That'd be nice. He'd be normal.

Speaking of the devil, Hajime wasn't there in the dormitory, already gone. Probably out in the bathroom, or even at breakfast. Eager to make the best of their time together, Souji quickly dressed before he headed to the bathroom, hoping to find him there. Disappointment filled his heart when he found it empty. He already imagined teasing him a little, just a little, about their night time conversation. He still couldn't believe how lucky he got to make Hajime agree to be his boyfriend, at least for two days. Pretty cool and pretty unexpected too.

After washing his teeth and putting a bit of water on his face and in his hair, to get rid of his pillow's crazy strands, he headed to the hotel's dining room where he was sure to find his friend.

Bingo. Hajime was there, with a tray in front of him, reading something that looked like a notebook. Was he really studying on a school trip ? That guy, seriously… He sipped in his coffee and raised his gaze when Souji put his tray down by his side.

« There's room in front of me. » he said with his brows knitted.

« And good morning to you too ! » replied Souji joyfully « you slept well ? »

« S… Sufficiently. » he stuttered, still confused. « Good morning, Souji. »

« Does it bother you that much ? » asked Souji, lifting an eyebrow. « I sit next to my girlfriend all the time, at the cafeteria. You forgot our deal ? »

« N… No. Sit here if it's agreeable to you… »

Souji smiled mischievously, but he refrained himself from taking him in his arms or making any other gesture towards him. Shy bean was on the defensive, already… not the right time to be pushy.

Hajime closed his notebook and sipped in his black coffee again, looking down on his tray to avoid Souji's gaze.

« Now I believe I should have sat in front of you… » he complained. « You're not even looking at me. »

Hajime took bread in his hand and put some apricot jam on it carefully.

« You don't use butter ? » asked Souji, changing the subject.

« No. »

« Why ? »

« I don't like butter. »

« Hmm… »

« What ? »

« Nothing. » Souji shrugged « Just taking mental notes. »

« How would knowing my breakfast habits serve you ? »

« You never know. » he smiled « it's not weird. I don't need to spy on you to know that you take your coffee black and don't eat much in the morning. »

Hajime didn't answer again and Souji's mood was slowly getting darker. They agreed on that… Why was Hajime so much on the defensive ? If it was to be that stiff, he should have said no in the beginning. Becoming moody, Souji grabbed the jam and put some on his bread too, ignoring his friend.

« Wouldn't you prefer strawberry flavour ? » he heard suddenly.

« Apricot's fine. »

« Alright. » Hajime nodded « just so you know, there is strawberry too. »

Souji looked at him, all blushing. Was his friend trying to be nice ? Maybe he got mad over nothing…

« Thanks, Hajime-kun. » he smiled « but apricot is just fine. »

« Alright. »

Souji sipped in his milk tea, which he loaded with about a ton of sugar, and crunched in his bread, looking around him. Everyone was in uniforms, like them, and they were nearly all here. He could see Yamazaki eating with some of his friends. He had to find a way to get rid of that kid at some point otherwise, he won't be able to spend time solely with Hajime…

« Souji… »

« Hmm ? What ? »

« No… Forget it. »

« Did you see past-us again ? » he asked.

« Not since yesterday. » Hajime replied, sipping his coffee « But that doesn't mean anything. »

« Maybe. » smiled Souji « or maybe we're getting rid of them. » he added, resting his head on Hajime's shoulder with a teasing smile.

« Stop that. » he shrugged, moving his chair a little to put some distance between them.

« Why ? » pouted Souji.

« Because. »

« "Because" is not a reason. »

« Because it makes me uncomfortable. » he answered, snapping.

« You're my boyfriend. » stated Souji with a sulky pout.

« I know… » sighed Hajime, playing with his fingers, pianoting them on his thigh in nervousness.

« May I remind you that you shamelessly invited yourself to my bed last night ? How is that better than my head on your shoulder ? »

« There wasn't any ulterior motive… »

« Me neither. » shrugged Souji « I don't know what you're thinking, but I'm not planning on doing anything weird like in some of my dreams. So maybe you could just relax, okay ? You look like a rabbit caught in headlights. »

« Alright… » muttered Hajime, letting out a relieved breath. It seemed like he had been troubled a lot about it.

« Hajime-kun… » smiled Souji, trying to be reassuring « It's fine, okay ? »

« My apologies, but… I never got involved in this kind of relationship before, even if this one is fake… » he muttered « I'm afraid I don't know much about what you are expecting of this, but I do not intend to behave any differently than usual… »

« Then past us won't see the difference, will they ? » tried Souji, disappointed to witness Hajime pulling the brakes so fast already.

« I'm not Takahashi-san. » he stated.

« I noticed » chuckled Souji « she's not that much of an uptight pain in the ass. »

« I just don't want you to get the wrong impression. » he stated, frowning « I am trying to get rid of my dreams. It's nothing more than an experiment. »

« Hajime-kun. » cut Souji « I have my girlfriend. She's great, even if you don't like her. I don't need you. I'm just trying my best to make these dreams disappear and stop coughing my lungs out. That's all. As you said, everything is fake. »

« Alright. »

Souji repressed his anger, vexed to see Hajime so disgusted about the possibility of them going out together. He even had to lie, tell him he didn't care and was faking it, when he would give anything to have him all to himself for real. He crunched in his bread, hurriedly engulfing it since the teachers were already gathering everyone for the morning visit.

The imperial palace was less impressive than he expected. They couldn't get in and just wandered into the areas where they were authorised, with a guide watching their every move. Again, Hajime was taking a lot of notes, just like Yamazaki, while Souji was strolling, hands in his pockets most of the time, except when his eyes were noticing a nice angle for a picture. How he regretted not having a really nice camera to play with… his phone was making very good pictures, enough for an amateur, but it wasn't the same.

« This way, Hajime-kun. » he called « smile ! »

Hajime looked straight to him, his lips reduced to a thin line, corners down.

« I said « smile ». » pouted Souji. « Come on, the background looks nice, it'll make memories. Don't you want to be able to remember you've been to the Kyoto imperial palace ? »

His friend tilted his head to the side slightly and he squinted his eyes a little, the corner of his mouth curling into a soft natural smile. Rare sight, but always making his little effect on Souji's heart, warming it up. He took the pic, beaming with enthusiasm, and showed it to Hajime.

« Look, with the garden behind, it looks super nice. » he said with an excited voice. « Let's take a selfie. »

He passed his arm around Hajime's shoulder, who flinched but didn't move, and winked at the camera with a finger V, his friend still softly smiling. The weather was super nice and the lighting great, even if it didn't matter that much on a selfie.

« Will you send it to me ? » asked Hajime abruptly.

« You want it ? Umm, I don't mind, but you don't have a phone, right ? Should I email it ? »

« Please. » nodded Hajime.

« Okay. » smiled Souji, typing the email address before stopping halfway. « You know what ? I changed my mind. »

« Why ? »

« I'm gonna make a folder with the best ones back at the dorm and I'll send them all in one email. It'll be more convenient. »

« As you wish. »

His heart a little lighter, Souji took something like a hundred pics… of the garden, the flowers, the pound, the palace and of Hajime, who didn't seem to mind at all. Any pretty bit of grass was an excuse for a selfie or a portrait, but instead of finding it weird, Hajime was always accepting it with that soft smile and a nod. The camera roll was soon filled up with pictures of Hajime, a lot better than the ones he used to take in secrecy. These would be Souji's treasure, when the daydream will explode like a bubble and they'll be back to being just friends, at the end of the trip.

« Okay kids, you can all go eat wherever you want as long as you stay in groups, and visit a few temples or shops since you have free time. We all meet at the museum's entrance at 3 pm. » said Harada-sensei joyfully.

« Are you hungry ? » asked Souji.

« A little. »

« You too ? » he asked Yamazaki.

« Yes. Maybe we should grab a curry or a gyudon and then visit some temples ? What do you think ? »

« Fine with me. » shrugged Souji.

It wasn't really Kyoto's specialty, but it was cheap fast food and surely Hajime, who wasn't really a gourmet, would prefer to visit temples rather than spend all their time in a restaurant. He turned to his friend who was pursing his lips, as if refraining himself from speaking his mind. That troubled Souji and he tilted his head, concerned.

« You wanna eat something else ? » he asked.

« Maybe… » started Hajime, speaking in a low voice. « Maybe since we are in Kyoto, we should try some dishes from here ? »

« You wanna try Kansai's cuisine ? Sure. What do you want ? Anything in particular ? »

« Kyoto prides itself on its soy products and especially tofu. » he explained with a kind of spark in his eyes. « if you enjoy that kind of taste... »

« Tofu, eh ? » repeated Souji « I don't mind. Let me check for a restaurant… »

He got his phone out of his pocket and made a quick search. Hajime was right, Kyoto was famous for tofu and soy products… Since he mostly cared about sweets, he didn't even know. He found some restaurants online, but most of them were far above the range of price he could afford, or they were too far from central Kyoto.

« I'm sorry, Hajime-kun… but I don't think we can… » he answered.

« Nevermind. » his friend shook his head with a stoic face. « It wasn't that important. »

« If we take the subway to Higashiyama, we will be north of Gion » said Yamazaki, looking at a map and showing them with his finger « We can eat traditional Kyoto dishes like o-banzai there, then go south to Kodaiji and Kyomizudera on our way to the museum if we have time. »

« Sounds like a plan ! » smiled Souji, turning to Hajime « What do you say, Hajime-kun ? Kyoto cuisine for you, and then temples ! »

« Alright. » he nodded.

They hopped into the subway, but Souji couldn't help but notice how disappointed his friend looked. Even if his face was impassive, the blinking a bit quicker than usual showed the tension inside him and the way his mouth was a little off centered was a clue that he was nervously biting the inside of his cheek. He really looked forward to that restaurant… And his mood was communicative. Souji was feeling sadder and sadder as the subway was going faster, angry at himself for disappointing what he'd like to call his boyfriend.

« Sanjo. This station is Sanjo. »

They had to change lines and the three boys got out to reach the other subway. They got in, holding the pole. Only one stop before Higashiyama, their destination. The door's chime rang to indicate their closing and in a burst of adrenaline, Souji grabbed Hajime's hand and pulled him out.

« Hey ! » shouted Yamazaki before the doors closed on him. Souji joyfully waved on the other side while the subway carried their third wheel out of their sight.

Chapter Text

« Souji ! » gasped Hajime, shocked.

« Hey, let's go downtown instead, okay ? Let's go eat Kyoto's tofu. » he winked.

Hajime seemed to hesitate, looking at the time panel for the next subway and Souji pulled on his hand, smiling.

« Come on. He'll be fine. He's a resourceful guy. I saw a tofu restaurant near this station that has a high rating and is affordable. »

The word tofu immediately lit a spark in Hajime's gaze and finished to somehow convince him, even if he was often looking back over his shoulder, wondering if he shouldn't go back and join Yamazaki. Without letting go of Souji's hand, he let him drag him out of the station. It felt so good to hold hands with Hajime, strolling through the streets. Even if they didn't talk, it was comfortable, as if they didn't really need to exchange words anyway. With that simple gesture, he could feel it; that Hajime was his. He wanted never to let go, but unfortunately, the restaurant was a lot closer than expected. The first floor was a shop with a lot of soy based products and the second floor was the small restaurant. There was a bit of queue, showing that it was a good one, and both boys put their names on the list, waiting for a table to be free while looking at the products for sale. Hajime was looking like a kid in a candy store again, just like at the arcade, and Souji couldn't help but smile, looking at him picking up tofu cakes, soy milk or tofu doughnuts and reading the packaging with interest. 

When their table was ready, Souji chose a simple tofu-don, tofu on rice, which was accompanied by a miso soup. He was not very hungry and was quite picky on food. He didn't dislike tofu, but he wasn't really fond of it either, so he wasn't sharing Hajime's excitement which was painted all over his face.

His friend ordered a set and chose the most popular one, the Yodofu set. It was a simple dish of tofu simmered in water and eaten with condiments, one of Kyoto's famous dishes. It was accompanied by a rice bowl topped with fried tofu and sashimi of yuba, the tofu's skin. As soon as they were served, his eyes glimmered so much that Souji thought for a second that he traveled in time and it was already Christmas. He picked one of the fried tofu pieces and a smile wider than any other smile Souji ever saw appeared on his face.

« You seem to really like tofu. » he commented, amazed.

« You can tell ? » he asked, a little bashful.

« I think the only way to make it more obvious would be to have a LED sign over your head saying TOFU-LOVER. »

« It's my favourite. » he muttered.

« I'm glad I took you here for our first date, then. » winked Souji.

Hajime's ears turned red, but he didn't lose his smile even if his eyes wandered on his plate more than on Souji's face. Hesitantly, he tried the yodofu.

« Is it good ? » asked Souji.

« Very. »

« Can I taste ? »

« As you wish. »

Souji put his head in his palms and opened his mouth, and Hajime blinked several times in confusion before the red on his ears spread to his entire face.

« You want me to feed you ? » he asked, incredulous.

« Uh-hun… » nodded Souji, mouth still wide open.

Hajime dipped his chopsticks in the pot and caught some food that he gracefully deposited in Souji's mouth. Kind of a performance since he was doing it without looking at all, neither at Souji nor at his left hand, his eyes wandering in the room to see if other people were watching and finding them weird.

« it tastes good. » commented Souji, savouring his little victory « Wanna taste mine ? Say aaah… »

Without waiting for an answer, he grabbed some of his dish and held his chopsticks in front of Hajime with a teasing smile, his head in his palm. Timidly, the boy opened his mouth and ate the food in front of him.

« How does it taste ? »

« Good. »

« I'm glad. » Souji's smile grew wider « I always wanted to do this. »

« Eat tofu ? »

« Feed you like that and have you feed me. » specified Souji « It's cute. You look cute. »

« Souji… It's not funny. »

« I'm not joking. » he shrugged « I really think it's cute. »

« I see… »

Oups, too much. Hajime was a bit like a snail, or a sea anemone, Souji thought. Poke at him a little too much and he'll close on himself. Better change the subject.

« What's that ? » he asked, pointing at the yuba sashimi.

« It's thin layers of tofu skin folded together to make it thicker. » he explained « You never ate any ? »

« Nope. » Souji shook his head.

« It's pretty common… »

« I lived all my life on the campus, I didn't eat that many things, you know… mostly cafeteria stuff and a few cheap-ass restaurants with Kondou-san. »

« I see… You want to taste ? »

« Aaaah ! » Souji opened his mouth, squinting his eyes.

Hajime smiled, a little more comfortable now that he already did it once, and he brought his chopsticks to Souji's mouth, who bit with enthusiasm on the yuba.

« It's a little slimy… and milky. I like it. » he commented.

« I see. » nodded Hajime with a soft smile before he tasted the tofu sashimi too « Yes, it is good. You chose the place well. »

Souji beamed, happy to get words of praise from shy Hajime. Getting rid of the health correspondent and coming here was the best decision he took in days.

« See ? I'm not a shitty boyfriend. » he chuckled.

« I guess not. »

« Doesn't it feel nice ? I think it feels nice. »

« It's not disagreeable. » agreed Hajime, eating the contents of his tray with enthusiasm.

Souji thought it was enough teasing for now and ate his tofudon too, but didn't touch his soup, which had green onions floating in it. He should have specified beforehand that he disliked them, but all the etiquette in the world couldn't make him eat that soup. Hajime noticed and probably understood, since it wasn't the first time for him to put a dish aside because of onions, and he exchanged some of his tofu sashimi with the soup, since Souji said he liked them.

« Are you still hungry ? » asked Souji when the plates were empty.

« I'm fine. Thank you, Souji. »

« There's a dessert set » he showed on the menu « with a mini tofu cheesecake, tofu doughnut, sesame tofu… that one sounds good, I love sesame… Oh, there's tofu iced-latte and even matcha flavour ones ! »

« It seems you are more of  a tofu-lover than I am in the end, Souji. » Hajime escaped a bark of laughter.

« Not really. I'm a latte lover, though. » he chuckled « but I don't want you to have any regrets later on, you know ? By the way, we'll go directly to the museum afterwards because we're gonna be too short on time to visit temples. »

« This is getting expensive. » Hajime shook his head « It wouldn't be reasonable. »

« Who's ever reasonable on dates ? I know you want it, don’t even bother to deny. You can't fool me. »

Hajime read the menu, his eyes skimming through the dishes with shimmering eyes. Boy, that guy really liked tofu. If it was making him that happy, Souji wouldn't mind eating tofu everyday for the rest of his life.

« I'll take the mini desserts, then… » he muttered.

« And the latte for me. » Souji grinned, calling to the waiter to order their choices.

When they were brought to them, Souji got out his phone again and pointed the front camera on the table, managing to get himself in the right corner and Hajime at the top of the pic.

« Smile ! First date selfie ! » he grinned, holding his latte in his other hand as if making a toast. Hajime timidly raised two fingers in a V sign, his ears completely red, and Souji took several, in case it was blurry. « Great ! Let’s dig in ! »

His friend repeated after him and tried the cheesecake, beaming. He also had a small doughnut and sesame tofu. Souji was allowed to taste this one, but it ended up a little disappointing. It wasn’t really strong on the sesame at all which really was a shame. His iced-latte was great, though. He used to always have milk ones, but it wasn't that bad with soy either. He really liked it, the only reproach he could make was that it could be a little sweeter.

When they were finished, they went to the counter to pay for their meal.

« It's a total of 6270 yen. » said the cashier politely « Are you paying together or separately ? »

« Together. » replied the boys as one before looking at each other in confusion.

« I'm inviting you. » stated Hajime, taking his money out of his wallet.

« No way. » Souji shook his head « I can't accept this. I should pay. »

« Why ? You ate less than I did. It wouldn't be fair. See this as a demonstration of my gratitude for bringing me here. »

« But it's our first date ! »

« So ? »

So… So he always paid for Midori's teas or cakes, crepes, or whatever… He was the man so chivalry was kinda expected from him… but Hajime was a man too, so how was chivalry supposed to work now ? Was one of them supposed to be "the girl" of the relationship ? Or neither ? Maybe they should just split in half… Or would that make him look cheap ?

« Thank you for the meal. » bowed Hajime, paying the note.

« Come back soon, Okyaku-sama ! »

Welp, too late now. Hajime was already putting his wallet back in his bag and Souji crossed his arms with a sulky pout, disappointed to be cared for that way, before he smiled again, setting his pride aside.

« Thank you, Hajime-kun. »

« It was only natural. » he bobbed his head slightly.

« Hey, does that mean I found myself a sugar daddy or something ? » commented Souji snidely « Are you gonna buy me candy, now ? Oh daddy, daddy, please I want new shoes, too ! And a new designer bag ! »

Hajime sighed but didn't answer, and Souji playfully grabbed his hand and waved it like a little boy. At first startled, his friend smiled a little and weaved his fingers in his, looking straight ahead to the nearby bus stop. He glimpsed at the plan there, figuring quickly the shortest way to reach the museum and meet back with poor Yamazaki, whom he shamefully forgot about. They hopped on the bus, sitting next to each other, and Souji's heart was bursting with warmth, since even now, Hajime hadn't let go of his hand. His friend was looking out the window, daydreaming maybe. The sight of him like that was so peaceful that Souji didn't dare to interrupt, leaving him in the bubble of his thoughts. He brushed his fingers on the ones entwined with his, slowly, savouring how their hands were perfectly fitting into each other's. Hajime's fingers were slender and softer than his which were more calloused due to the kendo practice and the gym. Him who wasn't practicing as much as he used to had lost the roughness on his skin that was like a protective natural armor. They were so soft now… but Souji was happy. It felt so nice to caress them.

« We need to get off, Hajime-kun. » he said with regret when the bus stopped near the museum's entrance.

« Alright. » he nodded before pulling his hand away.

Souji wanted to grab it back, to trap it in his fist to be sure that he'll always keep it. He felt like Hajime had no right to take it away like this. He was his. He was his boyfriend. If Souji wanted them to hold hands, they were supposed to hold hands. That was the deal. Yet, even if a part of himself was furious and possessive towards the shy boy, another more reasonable part was trying to soothe him. Hajime didn't belong to him and other students would make fun of him if they were to arrive hand in hand. Plus, Yamazaki was probably already there and if he told everyone how they escaped him, they were already in big trouble. No need to ice the cake with gossip.

Discreetly, they merged into the group of students and noticed Yamazaki with some friends. At least, he didn't get lost.

« Everyone's here ? » asked Harada-sensei « Okay. Look at that ! Isn't that a fine piece of architecture ? »

It was impressive, all in red bricks and enormous, in a European style. For a second, Souji wondered if he hadn't crossed a stargate or something without noticing and landed in France or Germany. It was perfectly symmetrical and the gardens in front of it were styled « a la française » with little bushes of flowers, big lands of grass and statues… all of it blending harmoniously in an artificial research of perfection. Unlike Japanese gardens which, more often than not, were odes to the beauty of nature, European ones showed in every aspect their desire to tame it and mold it to their will.

Inside, they wandered in the different rooms, white, with columns and painted ceilings. It looked so… he couldn't find the right word. Luxurious ? Ostentatious ? Like throwing someone's wealth right in his face. And the contrast with the objects on display was incredible. Samurai armors, scroll, old pictures, swords and ceramics… everything that was making Japan such a traditional place, concentrated here, in an European style building. How odd. But he liked it. His photographic eye had a thing for contrast, he loved to find unusual things blended together. If he could, he would have taken a hundred pictures but cameras, and phones, were sadly prohibited.

Hajime was quietly looking at everything, especially the swords. Not surprising for a former kendoka. Souji also couldn't detach his eyes from them.

« This is one from early Heian… » said Hajime in a very low voice, as if talking to himself « look at the line, it's an incredible piece of smithing… »

« Yeah. » nodded Souji, reading the explanations on the wall « it's a cute blade. »

« Cute isn't the appropriate word. » frowned Hajime, shaking his head « It really is a beauty. This school of smiths was well renowned for the quality of its steel. The few dots of rust here and there show the ancient nature of it, as the inside of the pommel, all rusty due to the lack of oiling, but the sword in itself is a masterpiece. »

« Yeah, that's right. » chuckled Souji, amused to see Hajime getting all passionate « You're a sword nerd ? »

« I like them. » he smiled a little « I'd like to collect good quality ones one day, if I make enough money. »

« That's a hobby that sounds expensive as fuck. »

« It can be. » he escaped a bark of laughter « but for the moment, I only own one. »

« You're just dropping casually on me that you have a real sword at your house ?! How much did you pay for it ? »

« Nothing. It's a family treasure. »

« From when ? Which period ? Why am I learning about that today when we practiced kendo together for more than a year ?! »

« Bakumatsu. I'll show it to you, if you want. I have to warn though that it is not in prime condition. We assume it was damaged during the war. »

« I don't care, I wanna see it. » smiled Souji.

« Alright. » Hajime bobbed his head slightly, reporting his attention on the swords on display, the topic closed.

They kept walking together in the museum, exchanging about the armors, swords or scrolls. The collection was really impressive, with objects owned by renowned families. It really was nice in the end, not at all as Souji first pictured it.

After the visit, they joined back with Yamazaki and Hajime apologised to him on Souji's behalf, the latter raising his head to the sky and shrugging, sulking. He never wanted that guy to be part of their group in the first place, so he wasn't really keen on apologising. Surprisingly, Yamazaki didn't tell anyone and the teachers didn't notice a thing. Why would he cover up for them ? That guy really was weird, no doubt.

To get forgiven, they agreed to go to Kyomizudera and Kodaiji temple, just as it was initially planned. It wasn't Sakura season nor Momiji so the temples had no illuminations and were a lot less crowded than during these events which was convenient, but less convenient when it was drawing closing hours. They nearly got kicked out of the Kodaiji when they just arrived and paid their entry, only spending a few minutes on the temple grounds. Yet, his group seemed happy with how this day turned out, so Souji was satisfied too. He shared so much with Hajime today that it was crazy. He really hoped that they wouldn't stop there, tomorrow night, when they'll be back in Kyoto, in each of their homes.

Chapter Text

After the evening meal, the boys got back to their rooms as instructed. They had a bit of time before they had to turn the lights off so they used it to play cards with the other boys. Hajime was good, very good… and Yamazaki too. Souji lacked a lot of practice. Funny for someone who used to live in a dorm, but he never made a lot of friends and so, never really played cards or other games like that. Somehow, he was feeling like he had been dragging, even with a childhood surrounded by other kids. The game annoyed him pretty fast, unable to stand the idea of losing. That's why he was never trying new things, he couldn't stand failure. He was good at kendo, that was enough. That was a constant in his life. That was something that wasn't making him a failure.

After a while, he angrily tossed his cards, losing again, and accused everyone of being cheaters before he laid on his futon, pouting. Hajime seemed to hesitate to come and talk to him, but Yamazaki patted his shoulder.

« Leave him. He's making his little act, don't give him attention. He's like a kid. »

Souji immediately saw red and he jumped out of his futon to catch Yamazaki by his collar, ready to punch his teeth out to make him swallow back his words.

« Hey ! Okita-kun ! » yelled a kid, trying to pull on his shoulders to make him drop the health correspondent.

The latter was completely calm though, his amethyst eyes locked into his own emerald ones. They looked like Hijikata-san's. Maybe that resemblance explained why Souji was annoyed so much by Yamazaki.

« Souji. Enough. »

Souji. Enough.

The voice soothed him. Past Hajime and present Hajime talking as one. His anger dropped at the same time he released the boy, who fell on his ass. Souji then turned to his friend with a smile.

« I was just playing. »

« This is not playing. » replied Hajime, brows knitted to mark his disapproval.

What could Souji answer to that ? That he was upset ? That he didn't like losing ? That the boy was annoying him to the bone ? Hajime wouldn't tolerate excuses. Souji huffed and gave a hand to Yamazaki to help him get up.

« Sorry, okay ? I lost my mind for a second. »

« It's okay, Okita-kun. No harm done. » he replied, grabbing his hand.

The other boys looked relieved and exchanged looks with Yamazaki to be sure everything was alright before they heard hands clapping.

« Impressive. » commented Kazama in the doorway « Your mad dog really turns into a puppy for you, Saito-kun. »

Hajime tensed and Souji snarled with disdain.

« You're here, in the end. Does this hotel accommodate you, Kazama-sama ? Isn't it too hard to share a dorm with dogs and maggots ? »

« It's bearable. » he shrugged « and I wouldn't want to miss this. Are you always so prompt to bark, Okita-inu ? »

Some kid near Souji escaped a small laugh at the pun and Souji refrained himself from slapping him hard, chuckling instead.

« I've heard Akita-inu were a third human, a third dog and a third fox. Be careful how you call me, you might get a surprise and end up with your ass bitten. »

« From what I've witnessed today, it's not my ass you're after. » huffed Kazama with a grin.

Son of a…

Yamazaki and Hajime both caught him by a shoulder, preventing him from jumping on the blond boy.

« Okita-kun, it's not worth it. »

« Souji, he's provoking you. »

« Did I strike a nerve ? » asked Kazama.

« It's fine, it's fine ! » snapped Souji, shaking his shoulders « I'm not gonna fight that prick. »

The two other members of his team let him go carefully, still ready to grab him quickly if he were to lie, but he didn't have such intentions. They were right, Kazama wasn't worth it, that little rich cunt. He'd find a way to revenge, in a less frontal manner.

« Kazama, you should get out. » said Hajime without wavering, his body tense but his words firm.

« I'm on my way, anyway. » he shrugged. « I don't want to be associated with boys like you. I wonder what your family thinks about that, Saito-kun. »

« I do not know what you are implying but in any case, my family and their opinion isn't any of your concerns. » he stated.

« Fair enough. » he said, turning his back on them to get out « I don't have any interest in them. »

« Fuck. Off. » hissed Souji, unable to refrain that loud whisper, almost like a growl.

Kazama ignored him superbly and closed the door behind him, leaving the six boys together in an uncomfortable silence, looking at each other. Did they give some credit to the blond boy's insinuations ? Did Souji and Hajime have been less discreet than they thought they were about their « date » ? He was gay, alright… but that didn't mean Souji wanted his class to know, Midori to know, the whole school to know ! He wasn't sure why, but there was a general rejection towards homosexuality in society and he was rejected enough as it was. That would be the cherry on top for his haters. Plus, Hajime would be rejected too if it was discovered, even if for him, the date was fake. The gossip would get bigger and bigger, like a snowball, and Hajime would lose respect, in the school and maybe at home. Souji couldn't let that happen, no matter his true feelings towards his friend.

« That guy's crazy. » he huffed, breaking the silence first to regain control of the situation « To imagine that sort of thing… I’m pretty sure he's the faggot, here. »

Two boys chuckled, less than expected, but Kazama had a reputation. Probably they didn't dare make fun of him.

« Who wants to play again ? » asked the guy with the card deck in hand, waving it.

« That game sucks. » said Souji before anyone could answer « I'm going to bed. »

Hajime looked at him, but said nothing as he tucked himself in his futon, pouting again. Kazama really made him mad.

« Boys ! Lights out ! Tomorrow I want all your bags packed and ready to go ! We're gonna put them in some lockers at the train station and we're visiting Inari Taisha in Fushimi before going home so you all can get pics with all the red torii. »

That sounded promising. Probably Souji could take some cute pics there. He kept his eyes closed, listening to the others bantering and ruffling their covers, getting ready to sleep. He heard and felt them turn off the lights. Soon enough, there was only silence around him and he turned to the side to find out if Hajime was asleep, too. He found him staring at the ceiling and stealthily got out his futon to join his friend under his covers.

« What are you doing ? » he whispered, a little alert.

« Relax. It's exactly the same thing you did last night. »

« … You're right. » he eventually said, sighing to release the tension.

They stayed silent for a while, Hajime obviously waiting for Souji to speak, but he only wanted to be there, next to him. Not smart, with Kazama's words and the other boys nearby, but it maybe was his last chance to be that close to him. Going back to Tokyo would sign the end of their little "relationship" and Souji wished he could delay the train to keep Hajime all to himself a little longer.

« Souji ? Do you want to say something ? »

« I don't know… » he muttered before he raised his gaze to meet his friend's « what did you think of today ? »

« I had a nice time. » he nodded « Kyoto truly is a beautiful city. »

« Yeah, and their food's nice. »

« Indeed. » smiled Hajime, as if remembering the taste of the tofu on his tongue.

Souji kept silent again, staring at his friend until he finally found the courage to ask the question that was burning his lips.

« Did you like our date ? »

« It did make my intrusive memories disappear. » nodded Hajime, appreciative « Your idea proved itself to be a good one. »

« Yeah, I guess… »

That's not really the answer he expected. He wanted Hajime to tell him that he loved him, that he wanted more dates, that he wanted never to let go of his hand now… but nothing more came. It was all fake. Why would Hajime want to continue the masquerade, anyway ?

« Tomorrow, when we reach Tokyo… » he muttered, « I'll leave you alone. »

« What do you mean ? » asked Hajime, puzzled.

« If you're free of your memories, there's nothing pushing you towards me, anymore… » he shrugged.

« Do you mean you want to end our friendship ? » asked Hajime, still confused.

« No, but the dates and all… » he specified « I'd get off your back. »

« Well, you do have a girlfriend. » frowned Hajime.

« Does that mean that if I didn't, you wouldn't mind being my boyfriend ? »

« I didn't say that. » he kept frowning.

Souji rolled, resting on his elbows on top of his friend who instantly flushed red, a sight that he could witness thanks to the public lighting just near their bedroom's window.

« Souji, get off me. » he protested.

« You know, I liked our date. I liked all of it. I think I love you, Hajime-kun. » he confessed, out of nowhere.

« I thought we agreed that these feelings were remnants of our common past. They do not genuinely come from us. »

« I don't care where it comes from. I still  love you, Hajime-kun. » he repeated.

« This… This can't… I apologize Souji, but… I don't… »

« You don't need to love me back. » he huffed « I don't care, really. Just wanted you to know. »

Hajime's mind processed the information, a lot slower than Souji would have liked him to, but nevermind… Hajime never had been good at dealing with unexpected issues. Suddenly, he raised his head in a rush and banged it on Souji's.

« Aoutch ! » he complained, straightening himself in his knees and preventing himself from yelling so as to not wake up the others « Are you insane ?! You could have asked me to move ! »

« Ah ! My apologies ! » replied the flustered boy, massaging his own head « I didn't mean to hit you… »

« Well it surely looks like it ! » hissed Souji « What the fuck were you thinking, you idiot ?! »

Hajime didn't reply and instead, he crashed his lips on Souji's, making the latter escape a surprised gasp. What… What the actual fuck…?!

Hajime didn't move. He didn't run his finger through his hair, he didn't work his lips on his, he just stayed still, getting redder and redder by the second. It was getting very, very awkward… and Souji wasn't moving either, his pain in his forehead already forgotten. Eventually, it was him who parted, figuring that Hajime wouldn't move.

« What was that ? » he asked, incredulous.

« I… » muttered Hajime « I needed to know… but… it didn't help… »

« You wanted to figure out something by crashing your lips on mine ? »

« Well… Sort of… »

« No wonder that doesn't help. » sighed Souji « Dummy, you suck at kissing. »

Hajime avoided his gaze, embarrassed by the word "kiss" uttered out loud, probably. Souji smiled, happy. The gesture, even clumsy, genuinely came from Hajime and that was enough to make his heart flutter. He caught Hajime's cheek to bring back his face in front of him and landed his lips on his again, slowly working them. Hajime didn't reply at first then started to mirror him, as if analysing his gestures and mimicking them. Kinda funny. And adorable.

It was hesitant and a little off, but Souji didn't really care. He wanted never to let go and his hand timidly moved from his cheek to his hair, brushing on his flushed ear in the motion. He grabbed handfuls of his locks, behind his head, and used it to pull him closer, as if they could be closer than in that instant… Hajime's hands on the contrary, were obediently resting on his knees, balled up. His breath shortened a little and Souji released him to let him breathe, only to steal his lips again. He wanted to trap him there, keep him all to himself, always.

« S… Sou… Ji… »

Their lips parted ways slightly, Souji's hand still locked on Hajime's hair, just in case he'd try to run away like last time.

« Yeah ? »

« C… Can you please… I'd appreciate it if you could let go of my hair… »

Souji chuckled and released him completely, laying back in Hajime's bed as if the situation was perfectly normal. It felt normal. To kiss him, share his bed… It was feeling right, like everything was in order for once instead of the incessant chaos.

« Did it answer your question this time ? »

« I'm… I'm not sure… »

« Really ? » he feigned to pout « I did that for nothing ? »

Hajime didn't answer, eyes locked on the ceiling as if lost in his own thoughts, that were obviously very messy if Souji had to guess just by observing him. His eyes were blinking irregularly, his mouth moving like agitated by tics, and he was sometimes biting the inside of his cheek or mouthing slightly inarticulate silent words.

« Hajime-kun ? »

His friend eventually turned his eyes to look at him and then turned back to the ceiling again.

« Sorry, okay ? » he muttered « just forget it. »

« It's fine. » Hajime eventually whispered « I… I need… I think it's too sudden… »

« Yeah, okay. » Souji replied, a little disappointed « If you need to do more experiments, just call me ! » he added joyfully, hoping his light tone could make it all appear like a joke and that they could laugh about it together.

« My apologies, I know I've been the one to… initiate this, but… Sorry, I'm just… I'm confused. You do matter to me, Souji. But I am still unsure if these feelings are mine and moreover, if they are of amorous nature. I don't want to get into something that might end up breaking our friendship, that I value. »

« I get it. » smiled Souji « I don't mind. Take your time figuring it out. »

« Kazama… »

« You're afraid he might call you a faggot ? »

« That's not it. » Hajime shook his head « it's… more complicated. »

« Try me. »

« Now isn't the time for it. » Hajime sighed « Would… Would you mind getting back into your own bed ? »

Souji giggled, seeing him so adorably bashful about their proximity and nodded.

« Sure. Good night, Hajime-kun. »

« Good night. »

Souji got up silently to get back into his own bed, extra careful not to stumble into a futon that wasn't his. He laid on his mattress and put his hands behind his head, not feeling eager to sleep yet. His eyes locked on the ceiling fan, just like Hajime's. It kinda was funny, to know that they were both thinking about each other, watching the same thing. He hoped that they could be thinking the same thing too, feeling the same thing. Where was his love for Hajime coming from ? Was it only past him ? And what if it was ? Did he care ? Not really. He just knew, in his guts, that Hajime had to be part of his life, one way or another, and he hoped his friend could want that too, to have Souji be a part of his.