Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The nighttime light was illuminating through the window, the moonlight shimmering off the the glass as the night grew heavy. She took in a breath, lying in her bed as usual.

Asa was tired, almost tired of everything. She sat in her bed in an uncomfortable fetal position, tears threatening to fall from her eyes. “I’m so tired, Yoru.” She spoke to the devil that always seemed to peer behind her even through the most difficult times.

The devil stood silent, studying the darkness that surrounded the small girl. She looked pitiful to them. “Are you seriously going to mope about this?” Yoru spoke in a monotone voice. Their tone seemed like they couldn’t give a damn about her.

They both sat silently, Asa feeling her chest tighten of the harsh words from the devil. She sat up in her bed, turning her head over to look at the figure that looked almost exactly like her.

They had the same appearance, except Yoru kept their hair down and a scar across their nose that attatched with a smaller one. The scars looked as if they were meant to represent, but the skin beneath was careful and glowing, a complete contrast to the scars.

“Why am I like this?” Asa asked. Her voice barely above a whisper, almost pleading to the immortal being to give her an answer. Yoru, however, stood as they narrowed their eyes. Staring at the girl with those dark colored eyes that always seemed to pierce through her soul.

“Because you are pathetic, Asa.” They spoke sharply, still glancing down at the pitiful face of the girl that was once to brave.

Asa gritted her teeth. She began to think as she normally did, did she deserve to be alive? Was she even enough anymore? She had killed. She had seemed like a bore to everyone around her, she wanted to be seen as more than a school girl that was lost in society.

Her head turned back to the window, small streaks of warm tears falling from her dark brown eyes. The moon reflected off of the tears, illuminating the sadness that had been withheld in her body for too long.

“Maybe you’re right.” Asa spoke through cracked lips. Her body had completely given up as she stared from the window. She glanced down at the ground from her apartment building, wondering if she opened the window now and sat on the ledge, wondering how long it would take for her to fall to her death.

Yoru immediately read her thoughts, crawling onto the bed next to the suffering girl. “You’re better off not thinking about dying just yet.” They spoke softly, as if trying to comfort her through the night. The silence was almost too loud, Asa holding back more of her tears as the disgusting thoughts of suicide flooded her mind like a hurricane.

She emerged from the bed, walking across the tiled floor of her room and trotting to a nearby drawer. She opened it with complete silence, rummaging through clothes to find something. Her fingertips brushed against the familiar plastic before she grabbed onto it with almost relief.

The drawer closed with a soft wooden sound that would echo slightly through the silence. Asa held the object in her hand; an eyebrow razor that seemed to be stained with blood across the edges.

Yoru raised an eyebrow as she watched the girl hold the blue colored plastic handle of the razor. They knew what was going to happen, they’d seen it before. They glanced down at their own arms, seeing that everything Asa did would duplicate onto them.

The deep scars, they seemed to leave a trace of loneliness, longing, and depression. The pain only made Yoru think even less of the girl, seeing she always thought this way. Asa always thought she was worthless, useless, a waste of flesh and space. Yoru could think the same, they were only here to use her to find Chainsaw Man. They sighed, knowing more of the pitiful cuts would appear on their skin once she did this again.

“Nobody’s stopping you, girl.” They spoke sharply, more sharp than the blade that rested in Asa’s hand. They had been here long enough to keep Asa’s habits in their mind. Asa grabbed tighter onto the object, sitting down on the chair at her desk as she rolled up the sleeves of her school uniform that always seemed to stay on.

Asa almost regretted this, wanting to be able to feel anything more than sadness, she wanted comfort. She wanted something that could bring her happiness, nothing was alive to her anymore, not even herself. She uncapped the razor, immediately dragging it across her right forearm. The blade dug into the soft flesh, the sound of ripping skin flooded her mind as the thick cut was now present.

Deep, flooding. The blood poured from the mouth of the wound, dripping onto the wood of her desk as she sniffled tears. Disgusting thoughts clouded her head as she continued to slash at her forearm. The cuts came deeper, almost as if they would reach bone.

The blood poured out of each wound, they weren’t the usual small lines. The cuts were deep, the yellow colored fat inside of her body being seen through some of them, they looked like small beans rising at her skin. Her hand shook as she slashed further up her arm, dizziness setting into her mind as he felt the blood loss rushing to her, the hazy pain finding a way into her head.

She dropped the object, tears still pouring from her face in unison with the thick crimson dripping from her arm. The pain of her life was unbearable. She wanted not to be a burden, she wanted a perfect soul to be loved.

Terrible sobs filled the room, the terrible pain of Asa’s tears almost made Yoru feel bad for the girl. Asa wondered why she was such a terrible person, falling into the deep depression and always lashing out at others when asked if she was okay.

Blood seeped onto the desk, pooling in puddles of crimson that seemed to bloom like a bloodied rose. Asa was tired, hurt, and scarred. The clock ticked behind her, the ticking almost as a reminder that she was still alive. The clock of life. Ticking likes. time bomb that never exploded, that just sat with no powder to the fuse.

Yoru sighed, standing up from the plush material of the girls bed. They walked to stand behind Asa, glancing down at her bloodied arm as they felt a pang of disappointment. “You’re my vessel. So don’t even think about killing yourself yet. Not until we’ve killed Chainsaw Man.” They spoke with purpose, not caring about the girls health, only wanting what they needed.

Asa stood from the chair, turning to face Yoru. She wiped tears from her face as blood stained the side of her cheek from the dripping that fell down her wrist. “I don’t care what you want. I’ll do whatever it is I want with my life.” She spoke angered; her fists clenching at her sides with fury.

“Well—“ Yoru spoke usually with that monotone, uncaring voice. “No!” Asa cut them off, her voice cracking with anger and an instant growl that seemed to shock the devil. “I don’t care about Chainsaw Man anymore, I am SICK of living like this!”

The echo of her anger pulsed through the room, pushing through the War Devils mind like it was the last thing they were going to hear. Yoru furrowed their brow, glancing at the girl with those predatory eyes.

“If I want to kill myself,” Asa spoke up through the violence in her voice, her head raising to meet the devils. Her eyes were clouded with tears that never seemed to fade. “Then I will.”

Chapter Text

Yoru stood frozen, their eyes grazing over the girl with silent anger. They scoffed before grabbing onto her slashed arm, gripping it tight without mercy. “Who do you think you are? You’re just my vessel. An ordinary high schooler. You are in zero place to speak to anyone like that, especially the War Devil.” They spat ruthlessly, grabbing onto the girls bleeding arm without any sort of care.

Asa whimpered as her cut covered arm was held onto, she felt the blood drag down her arm with a drip to the wooden floor. Tears filled her eyes, more sobs spilling with regret and shame at the devils’ words.

The sheer words that cut through her heart like a dagger driven through her chest made a tear in her chest. Her tears flew heavily, head facing the ground as small puddles of the salty tears pooled on the ground along with drips of blood. “Maybe you’re right…” She whispered. Blood poured from wounds with the occasional drip being heard; mixing with her tears to for small puddles.

“Maybe I should just keep quiet. There’s not much left for me anyway.” The whisper came quick, leaving Yoru victorious with a devilish smirk on their face. “That’s what I like to hear,” They removed their hand from Asa’s bleeding appendage, moving to grab a small towel that rested in the corner and wiping her hand free of the crimson. “Now clean yourself up. You have school tomorrow, girl.”

Yoru stopped at that, moving to go lie down in Asa’s seemingly comfortable bed as they didn’t say another word to her. Asa silently watched Yoru, not saying a word before moving to open the door of her room and head to the bathroom.

Her feet patted against the wooden floor as she made her way into the small bathroom of her apartment. She opened a cabinet above the sink, grabbing down a towel, roll of bandages, and then closing it. She glanced at herself in the mirror, looking like she hadn’t slept in days. Which she hadn’t.

A quick sigh escaped her as her breathing steadied from earlier sobbing, she moved her hand to turn on the tap of the sink. The water came out in a small flood, the sound flooding her ears almost like radio static. The towel came into her hand; moving it underneath the water as the cloth soaked in the liquid.

She brought the towel to her arm, swiping the semi-dried blood from her fresh cuts. The stinging sensation made a loud hiss escape her, fingers grabbing tighter onto the towel as she swiped the cloth against her skin, collecting spurs of dried blood and cleaning the small drips that escaped other wounds.

The towel patted at the deep cuts, the supple flesh of her arm now torn into like a score into bread. She looked down at the stained towel, a heavy sigh leaving her before she removed the plush material from her forearm. The towel fell into the sink without a soft plop, blood now staining the material, a sign of shame, disgust, and sadness staining the white.

Asa kept her wounded arm in the air, her left hand grabbing onto the roll of bandages, stretching the material to begin wrapping her forearm. She moved her wrist gently, wrapping around her wounded arm. The bandages clung to her skin with an almost warm embrace. Once finished, she dropped the roll of bandages and began to exit the bathroom, shutting the light out and exiting.

She walked back to her room, peeking through the door and seeing Yoru sleeping peacefully. Asa didn’t care to wake her to move, she sighed and made her way over to her living room wheee her mom normally sat. She glanced down at the uncomfortable looking couch before lying down, she could still smell the remnants of cigarette smoke and something along the lines of dirt and sweat. A small reminder of her parents that had disappeared one day.

The scent was overwhelming her nose, but she didn’t care. Her hands moved to grab the dark blanket that sat on the side of the couch, a cigarette burn hole in the side from her mother. She wrapped the material around her body, holding onto it as she inhaled the familiar fruity scent of her mother’s perfume.

Her arm stung, eyes stung as well. Her parents would be disappointed to see her like this, curled into a ball after cutting herself. She sighed, shaking her head away of those thoughts. Her body sank into the plush cushions of the couch, falling comfortably into the material as her lashes flutter over her eyes, falling into a sleep.

Maybe tomorrow would be a better day.

Chapter Text

3rd asa chapter wip
Morning light flooded the room, the amber color reflecting off of the windows and their faces. Yoru was first awake, scoffing as they stretched in Asa’s bed.

They looked out at the city swarming with cars already, their feet swung over the side of the bed, making their way out of the room to wake Asa.

She lied still, resting peacefully with her lips slightly parted. The glow from the morning light reflected off the windows and caressed her face, highlighting the beauty she refused to see.

Yoru shook her, eliciting a groan from the sleeping girl. “Wake up, Asa. You have school.” They spoke in their normal monotone voice, watching Asa squirm as she was woken from her sleep. Asa grunted, sitting up in her position before rubbing her eyes with the back of her hand.

“Don’t have to be so rude about it..” Her words came slightly slurred from the mornin, she looked down at her clothes. Still in her uniform, now slightly winkled and tear stained. Tossing her legs over the side of the sofa, she stood on her feet, pushing down some of the small wrinkles in her skirt. Yoru watched silently like a hawk, their eyes glancing over the sleep deprived girl as she rose from her spot.

“Whatever,” They spat, moving to open the blinds of the living room, the morning light now spilling into the small apartment like the sun had something to say. “Just at least make yourself look presentable.” With that, Yoru made their way to the kitchen to grab a small snack for themselves, they didn’t need to eat. But wanted to anyway, as they were housing Asa’s other self.

Asa stretched, a small yawn leaving her as she headed to the bathroom to make herself look nice. Opening the door, she walked inside and looking at her still tired expression in the mirror. She grabbed the small wooden hairbrush on the counter, taking it to her ink black hair and brushing it gently. Small tangles caught in the bristles, a short hiss leaving Asa’s mouth as she continued to brush the chunks of her hair until smooth enough to look presentable.

Once finished, she placed the brush down. The wood clicking against the counter as she took two hairbands and began putting her hair into the two, low pigtails that she usually wore. She fixed up her bangs, brushing them out of her face a bit to make everything look nicer.

She smiled at herself like normal, keeping up the tooth-rotting sweet attitude that she normally portrayed to her friends. She fixed her sleeves, rolling them down to her wrists as she made sure not to damage the bandages on her right forearm. With one final glance in the mirror, she walked out of the bathroom, clicking the light out and heading to put her school shoes on.

Yoru sat on the kitchen counter, eating a few slices of bread as they watched Asa shuffle around the living room for her school shoes. They chuckled, swallow the bread as the girls frustration amused them. “Ugh! Where are those damned shoes…” Asa grumbled, before turning to see the brown shoes in the corner of her eye, sighing slowly as she had missed them the first time.

Making her way to the brown colored shoes, she slipped her off white colored socks along with her feet into the shoes. Wiggling her feet slightly to get comfortable, she tapped the edges of her shoes on the wood floors, the clicking sound apart of her daily routine, never changed.

Yoru slipped off the counter top, walking in the room to observe Asa’s never changed routine. They stood next to her as she grabbed her school bag and keys, following behind as they watched Asa’s practiced hands turn the handle of the door and walk out of her apartment building.

The two people walked on the concrete floors, feeling the slightly humid morning air hit her skin, Asa smiled slightly. Though she wasn’t a morning person, she had always enjoyed her walks to school. Yoru watched as other students made their ways across the roads, stopping at the train tracks that sat in the middle just to check and see if a train had been coming.

“Looks like your route is closed off.” Yoru broke the silence, pointing to the sign reading ‘Road Closed’ where Asa usually made her way to school. Asa growled, obviously uncomfortable with the situation as she fidgeted with her hands, while following other students to the path they had usually taken. “Ugh… I hate when this happens.” Asa whined, her shoes clicking against the sidewalk as she walked nervously, obviously unaware of her surroundings. Yoru took notice of Asa’s fidgeting, quickly rustling in their pocket to find an elastic band of some sort, handing it to Asa. “Use this instead of hitting yourself.”

They spoke blankly, feeling as the girl pulled the band from their hand and beginning to use it as sensory. Asa exhaled heavily as she approached the school, swallowing back her nervous behavior and stuffing the sensory object into the pocket of her skirt.

The area flooded with students entering the building, chatter exploding from the crowd as everyone stood with their respective people, including Asa. She stood with Yoru, even though nobody was able to see them, she was still with them with every waking second of her life without change.

Suddenly, a sharp pain erupted in her back as she fell forward onto her knees with a groan. Yoru snickered, watching as the unaware boy, Denji, stood behind her trying to apologize for running into her. “Oh, shit! Sorry, Asa. Need some help?” He offered his hand with that toothy, sharp toothed smile. Asa sighed, taking his offer and standing back on her feet. She brushed her uniform off with her hands.

God, today was going to be terrible already. Wasn’t it?

Chapter Text

The clicking of pens, the tapping of chalk on the chalkboard. It was all irritating. Everything was irritating. She sighed, folding her arms on her desk and resting her head between them.

Asa was tired, listening to the informational words that spilled from her teachers lips. Other students chatted with whispers so they wouldn’t get reprimanded, Asa hated those people.

Afternoon light peeked through the small windows, and all she could think about was the disgustingly long day ahead of her. Yoru sat on Asa’s desk, their feet dangling from the side knowing no one could see them. “Ugh, this is boring. Why don’t we just—“ Their words were cut off my the school bell, summoning the end of the class.

Asa raised her head from the desk and grabbed her bag from the floor, standing from the uncomfortable plastic chair that she had sat in for too long that always seemed to make her back ache. “Well, there goes my plan…” Yoru muttered, following behind Asa as they continued to mumble under their breath.

The hallway was filled with laughter and the loud bang of lockers closing. People chatted, looked through lockers for things they didn’t even need, but most importantly, the shoving sensation that always seemed to press into Asa’s back.

“Hey there, pigtails!” A girl spat from behind. The pop of her gum, and a toss of her hair signaling that she was there. Asa sighed, but continued walking as she tried to ignore the loud girl.

Asa groaned, feeling the girl press into her back more with a giggle. “Come on, you can’t ignore me forever, y’know.” She teased with annoyance in her voice, fiddling with the aquatic keychains on the side of Asa’s bag.

“Will you leave me be?” She snapped, pausing in her tracks as she whipped her head around with annoyance. The other girl raised an eyebrow at the confidence, flipping her hair again and clicked her tongue just before shoving Asa out of the way. “Whatever, freak.” She strutted off, small whispers being heard in the hallway as some stared and others giggled.

The crowd was overwhelming, chatter still going even as the bell was about to ring. Asa dipped into her classroom, just before the bell went off, a few students following behind her. Students sat in chairs, prepping their notebook and pencils or pens, others sitting in corners by themselves listening to the chatter. Asa found her usual seat, sitting down and placing her bag down at the side.

With a click of a ruler on the board, the instructor spoke. “Good afternoon. Welcome back to Biology, not like you care, but there was an interesting lesson I had planned.” She spoke monotonously. Her black framed glasses tipping off the edge of her nose slightly as she politely waited for the students to quiet.

Once most had quieted, she spoke once more. “Marine Biology. Anyone heard of it?” Asa’s head immediately perked up, a sudden gleam in her eyes as she raised her hand high with a few others. The instructor noticed her enthusiasm, giving a short smile before the hands fell. “That’s what we are talking about today.” The class sighed, some silently celebrating. One of those being Asa, she was about to jump out of her chair at the mention of Marine Biology.

Her smile was almost beautiful, her interest in this topic was beyond hidden. She had always loved marine life, visiting aquariums as a child was her favorite activity. She pooled fish out of lakes, fooled with crabs on the beach, and even brought some home to study. She flapped her hands like a child in class, some staring at her excitement but, she couldn’t care less.

The lesson began, Asa writing down facts that she had already know but regardless, writing them down for the hell of it. The teacher perked up with a question. “Alright, can anyone tell me where life is first seen in a fossil?” Asa’s hand immediately sprung up, speaking with joy before the teacher could even call on her. “The earliest life forms are normally bacteria! Being found in the fossil record in marine environments!”

The class listened to Asa immediately spring to life at the question. Her voice bright, face lightening as if a bulb had gone off at the mention of sea creatures. Some snickered, others fully laughed, enjoying seeing someone as quiet as her nerd out. Asa continued to answer questions with haste, never wanting these moments of question to end.

Once the bell for ends of school rang, Asa was disappointed. Climbing from her chair and grabbing the bag from the side of her desk. She trotted from the class, her pigtails sitting on her shoulders as she made way to change her shoes and head home. Yoru followed, not necessarily having choice. They walked with hands behind their back, eyeing students that couldn’t see them.

“Why are you so interested in those oceanic creatures.” They spat to Asa, seeming as if they cared but morally didn’t. Asa ignored, quickly putting her shoes on as she saw the girl from earlier approaching. “Shit—“ Asa cursed as she was shoved into the side of the shoe locker, the girl spitting her chewing gum to the floor and glaring at Asa with malice.

Oh she knew what was happening, but what could she do.