Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

At times like these, Ryuunosuke truly believes he is hollow.

His heart is akin to a cavern. Feelings may scream at him from the outside, but not once have the echoes been able to reach him. People may try to worm their way inside, but they are ultimately unable to navigate the twists and turns of the darkness that dwells within him.

Except one person, it seems. His sibling is standing right at his side as always.

Gin’s face is twisted into a scowl, which is only emphasised by the shadows cast over it from the building before them, but Ryuunosuke knows that they’re just trying to disguise their fear. Every part of their body is tense, from their furrowed brows, to their fist clenched around their cross necklace, to the stance their legs hold, rigid and unyielding.

Gin isn’t hollow, not like he is. They feel every bit of the terror associated with returning to an orphanage, only amplified after their taste of freedom.

Logically, Ryuunosuke knows that he should be afraid. He’s no stranger to these places; he knows the inner workings of them like the back of his own hand. The way those in power crush them, and, in turn, the way the children within them turn on each other. They tear into each other, desperate for even the smallest scrap of favour.

Logically, Ryuunosuke knows they’d be better off where they were, alone and exposed on the streets. He’d take a thousand more nights shivering so hard it hurt, a million more hours with a stomach so empty it feels as if it’s gnawing away at his very insides, before he’d ever willingly going back into an orphanage.

Unfortunately for both him and Gin, they were found by a concerned stranger. A well-intentioned one, he could tell, but someone naive enough that, even when told why they didn’t want to return, dismissed them entirely. They still fully believed in the system Ryuunosuke had fallen through before. They believed him and his sibling were overexaggerating, they believed that it wouldn’t be that bad this time.

With all of their protests having fallen on deaf ears, with an adult who refuses to listen, here they are.

Ryuunosuke examines the building, not bothering to cling to even a semblance of hope. He takes in the walls towering over everything within them, and recognises them instantly.

The walls aren’t just to keep people out, he determines immediately. They’re here to keep us in.

His suspicions are only confirmed when they step into the entrance hall. The children he takes in shy away from the newcomers, flinching as if burned despite not having a hand laid on them, not by Ryuunosuke, at least.

A single glance at the way they cower is all it takes to confirm that they are ghosts. The clothes hanging off their frames, the deep bags beneath their eyes all confirm it. In this place, fear is the only thing that can sustain a person.

 He spots one boy, though. Black hair cut choppily, clothes almost as tattered, yet standing taller than those surrounding him.

From his posture alone, it’s clear this child perches atop the pile here. A place not easily earned, but Ryuunosuke has no respect for it. He suspects he has no qualms with placing the blame on others; anything to save his own sorry skin.

They always do. In every orphanage, there is someone exactly like him.

The boy eyes them both up, clearly discerning whether or not they will be threats. The corner of his mouth creeps up into a smirk when he catches sight of Gin, clearly categorising them as someone he can walk all over.

Ryuunosuke has often been told his glares look as if they could kill, that his face practically screams murder. For once, he’s going to use that to his advantage.

When the boy’s gaze lands upon Ryuunosuke, he’s already locked in on him. As if he’s a target. As if he’s prey. He knows he doesn’t need to try to look intimidating, but Ryuunosuke narrows his eyes even further, face morphing to scream the danger of messing with him.

The boy pales slightly, and averts his eyes. Ryuunosuke has won, for now. He suspects he may have to defend Gin from this idiot eventually, but for now he won’t start any trouble.

He has a lot more to worry about, a fact that only becomes more cemented as one of the staff begins guiding him and Gin to a dorm.

In front of the person who has brought them in, her persona is bubbly and friendly. She welcomes them in, offers them a sweet each.

Ryuunosuke doesn’t take one, and he is proved right in his decision when, the moment they’re alone, she snatches the sweet Gin had taken back.

“Greedy pig,” she snaps at them, her entire face contorting into a look of pure disgust.

She begins leading them to their rooms, muttering bitterly under her breath, and Ryuunosuke contemplates smashing her head into the wall. Her back is turned to them, her guard is down. It would almost be too easy, but then another hand is worming its way into his own, interlocking their fingers. He turns to Gin, who gives him a hard look of warning.

Remember the plan, they seem to say.

As soon as they had realised trying to prevent going to the orphanage was fruitless, they had come up with a plan. Ryuunosuke had wanted to protest, but he had to admit they were right.

It was the only way to both survive, and escape once more.

It was simple: keep their heads down. Remain unknown, seem unassuming and meek.

Most importantly, don’t cause trouble.

Ryuunosuke rolls his eyes at them, but obliges. If the orphanage staff think nothing of them, making their escape will be a walk in the park.

They should only be in this hell a few weeks at most. Just a few weeks of pretense, and then a lifetime of freedom.

Ryuunosuke tries to tell himself it won’t be that bad.

•···········• ☯︎ •···········•

He has to begin a constant mantra in his mind over the next few days.

Keep your head down, and we can get out of here.

It begins small, a whisper in the back of his mind, but that’s not enough. He has to let it build, and build, until every part of his being is screaming it constantly. It has to be unceasing, to stop himself from acting as he so desperately wishes to.

Keep your head down! Keep your head down!

The echoes of his emotions are stronger than ever. Maybe not enough to be classified as proper feelings, but they’re growing in strength and number. They want to drive him, but no matter how much he wishes to let them, he can’t.

He has to ignore the staff slapping their charges around, not sparing even the youngest and weakest. They all but spit on them, more than abusing the power given to them, not a hint of mercy in sight.

Ryuunosuke's fists clench instinctively whenever he witnesses it, body reacting in anger without his mind joining along. Be it the hits themselves or the words that accompany them, it all makes his fists ache to bury themselves in their faces.

Then he reminds himself to keep his head down. It's only his constant repetition of the phrase and Gin's steady shaking of their head each time that prevent him from giving in.

He’s used to meals being ordeals on the streets. Hours of searching and scouring, for a few meagre crumbs. Somehow, in this place it’s even worse.

The children with the most points get to eat first. They get the best food, and they get the most of it. They could eat it all, and the staff wouldn’t complain in the slightest.

It would be entertainment for them, Ryuunosuke can tell.

Those without either points or detriments to their name, the category both Ryuunosuke and Gin fall into, go next. None of the best stuff is left, but it’s enough to survive.

Those who have detriments have to fight each other for the barest of scraps. The same people eat last every day, a clear sign that these are the children who have been marked out as scapegoats. They are the sacrifices, they are the ones who lose it all. Utterly isolated, too weak to even band together.

And no one else seems to care. As long as they have food in their bellies and someone to point a finger at, they turn a blind eye to it all.

To Ryuunosuke, hunger is as familiar as his own shadow. It's a constant companion on the streets, looming over everything, darkening each day. He knows what they're feeling, and he does what he can by only taking the food that's strictly necessary, leaving as much as he can for them.

That doesn’t stop other people from stuffing themselves. What he does is not enough, but it’s all he can do. He has to remind himself that he's keeping his head down.

Worse than everything else is the way it's all starting to get to him. The gazes of others, charges and staff alike, begin to silence him. Their words begin to slice through his skin itself.

If he didn’t have to keep his head down, he would show them all. He’d teach them a lesson they’d never forget, but-

But then he remembers Gin is at his side. If he did something drastic, it would affect both of them. It’s a paper thin wall holding him back, but he tries to focus on it anyway.

This place is dragging more stirrings from within him than anything else before. Not emotions yet, and he’s not sure he can let them become as such. For Gin’s sake.

They can handle themself on the street, but this place is another realm entirely.

The day here is governed by bells. Bells that cut through the air and his thoughts, shrill and deeply unpleasant. The bells by themselves would be tolerable, he thinks, except for the fact that there are no clocks.

Somehow, that made it worse. There was no way to know when the bells would strike, no way to prepare. In fact, it had bewildered both of them so much at first that they had been stupid enough to reveal it on their faces.

“Owning a clock is a sign of independence, of strong will,” one of the staff had smirked at them. “You live to be ruled over and disciplined by us. The only one with a clock is the Director himself. You don’t deserve it.”

Ever since that moment, the ringing of the bell has felt as if it’s casting judgement upon them, just as that staff member had, spitting out his words with disgust. The bells seem to press down on them, bending them to its will.

Not just that, but the bell forces you to focus on it.

You must keep track of the bell in order to know what it’s signifying. There is no differentiation between the bell to wake you up and the bell to send you to eat. The number of times it’s rung so far must be constantly kept in mind. It’s a constant balancing act within his mind, a balancing act that leaves Ryuunosuke even more vulnerable to the relentless tolling of the bell.

Sometimes, he even thinks he conflates the bell with a knell.

•···········• ☯︎ •···········•

It only occurs to Ryuunosuke on the sixth day that they’re starting to assimilate to this new orphanage. They’re settling into the routine, beginning to learn what’s expected from them, and what they must avoid doing.

When the third bell rings, they both instantly know where to go.

The staff oversee the orphanage, but it’s really the children who run it. They are made to cook and to clean, to do the laundry and make repairs, constantly put to work.

From the outside, it looks as if the orphanage is well maintained by its owners, a paradise for the children within it. Inside, that thought is laughable. They are constantly stopping it from falling apart at the seams, whilst the staff don’t even need to lift a finger.

Nevertheless, when the bell orders them to line up to receive a task, they all comply, simply allowing themselves to be trampled over.

“From this one,” one of the staff begins, gesturing carelessly to a little girl, not even dignifying her with a name, “up to this one. You’re cleaning the floors. Mopping them, scrubbing them, I don’t care, but I need to see them spotless.”

Gin’s eyes widen in alarm. They just happened to be in the wrong place - the last to be chosen with that group, meaning Ryuunosuke will be given another task. For the first time since arriving, they will be separated, and, if Gin’s stuttered breaths are any indication, they’re not in the slightest bit ready for this.

“I’ll find you straight afterwards,” Ryuunosuke promises in a low voice, not wanting to attract any attention.

Gin simply locks eyes with him in response, clearly trying to communicate something-

Without warning, they are tugged away, and Ryuunosuke is powerless to watch. His eyes don't leave them until they’re out of sight, and even then he continues looking after them until the staff member snaps her fingers in his face.

“You’re cleaning the basement,” she sneers. The words are like casting a spell over the entire group, for every child either grimaces, or visibly flinches.

Everyone except Ryuunosuke, of course. He has never been to the basement before, but as he approaches he realises he didn’t need the others’ reactions to guide him. Alarm bells begin ringing in his head the moment they near it. The door down is tucked away, and, with a shudder, Ryuunosuke realises it locks from the outside.

A long, winding set of stairs guide them downwards, dimly lit and lined with cracked brick walls. His feet echo as he trudges down the stairs, behind everyone else.

Someone has had the foresight to bring cleaning materials, the only one not shaken enough to forget their task. None of the other children speak, all silently resigned to their task, grabbing various implements and setting to work.

It’s unlike any task Ryuunosuke has been assigned so far. Normally, those with the most points dish out tasks to those without, and then sit back. There’s a clear hierarchy, even amongst the children, and they have no fear of repercussions even if they don’t do the job.

Down in the basement, it’s like everyone just wants to get out of here as fast as possible. They all set to work immediately, with not a word of complaint. The hairs on Ryuunosuke’s neck stand to attention as he grabs a sponge and begins to make his way deeper into what seems like the belly of the beast.

There are sections barred off from the rest of the room. Thick, iron bars, creating what are clearly supposed to be cells. The other children seem to avoid them, so Ryuunosuke makes his way to the one furthest along, staunchly ignoring the shivers running down his spine.

The sight he finds stops him in his tracks, for a large cross has been etched into the brick. He promptly turns his back to it, choosing to act as if it’s not there, and instead start on the other side of the cell.

The opposite wall isn’t at all better. There are strange marks on it, and Ryuunosuke is forced to tentatively approach, squinting as he tries to parse what they are. His stomach rebels the moment he does, churning with nausea, body reacting once more before his mind can catch up and feel.

Ten fingernails are embedded in the walls, long lines trailing from them, reaching up toward the ceiling.

Someone was in here. Someone who was desperate, desperate enough that they scrabbled so hard at these walls their fingernails became caught in it.

Numbly, Ryuunosuke plucks them out of the wall, feeling as if his arms aren’t quite synched up with his brain. Remembering the bag for rubbish the others had, he exits the cell to deposit them.

He doesn’t return, instead focusing his attention on the rest of the basement. He has a feeling it’s safer that way.

•···········• ☯︎ •···········•

For once, the sound of the bell is a relief, lightening Ryuunosuke’s heart. The fourth bell means lunch. Most days, it would send his heart spiraling downwards, only reminding himself of his helplessness but today he is glad to abandon the cleaning materials and ascend the stairs.

He notices something’s off the moment he steps into the lunch hall. The atmosphere is different, tense, and people are very determinedly ignoring one of the corners of the room.

A fight, clearly. Judging from the staff member’s expression, someone with a high amount of points must be involved. They don’t care if someone with points fights someone else, even if they clearly started it. If they win, they get no repercussions. If they lose, it’s the person they fought against who gets all the punishment.

Ryuunosuke ignores the fight, once more keeping his head down, and instead scanning the room for Gin. They’ve got to be here, because the fourth bell has rung, but he can’t seem to spot them anywhere. He takes in every face in the room, but not one of them belongs to his sibling.

Until he turns around, a sinking feeling in his stomach as he faces the corner everyone else is shrinking away from. There’s only one place he hasn’t checked yet, and he has a hunch that he knows what he’ll find there.

Ryuunosuke is unsurprised to spot that boy with black hair, the one who marked Gin out as a target. He’s towering over someone, blocking them from view. Someone Ryuunosuke has the feeling he knows the identity of, and, when the boy shifts, his suspicions are confirmed as his eyes meet Gin’s own.

His feet are moving before his brain has caught up, storming himself over there before he can even process it.

“Why don’t you just say something, huh? If you say something, I’ll stop,” the boy smirks, and Ryuunosuke thinks his blood boils. This ignorant child is teasing his sibling for something that is entirely out of their control.

Gin is standing tall, or trying to. There are two other children, undoubtedly cronies of the boy, towering over them. They’re trying to put on a brave face, but Ryuunosuke can see the cracks in their mask.

Ryuunosuke taps the boy on the shoulder. He keeps it gentle, for now.

“What?” he snaps agitatedly. “Can’t you see I’m busy, or are you too thick-”

Then he makes a grave error. He turns around. Ryuunosuke already has his feet planted as anchors to keep him steady, so he promptly sends his fist crashing right into the boy’s face.

His knuckles sing as they collide with it, and there’s an audible crack. The boy falls to the ground, desperately shielding his already bleeding nose with a hand. He sits there for a moment, blinking furiously and clearly trying to process what had just happened.

“Gin, let’s go,” Ryuunosuke says softly, hoping to avoid the staff now standing ramrod straight, eyes locked on him.

Gin strides to his side, and the moment Ryuunosuke turns, taking his eyes off the boy, he’s up, charging towards them both.

With a sigh, Ryuunosuke whips back around and brings up an arm to deflect the blow sent towards his head. He wastes no time in delivering a sharp blow to his stomach, followed by bringing his leg up to knee him in the groin.

The boy crumples like a piece of paper, falling to the ground with a satisfying groan.

Well, satisfying for about five seconds. The staff member on duty kicks off from where he was leaning against the wall, marching towards Ryuunosuke with a face like thunder.

Like that, he knows he has to run.

“Gin, I’ll find you later, okay?” he tells them. He’s loath to leave them alone, but there’s not really a choice. They’re not fast enough to run away, not yet (it’s Ryuunosuke who handled stealing for them both when they were on the streets, as well as the fallout of an almost inevitable chase afterwards).

Gin gives him a slow nod, clearly understanding his reasoning, and disappearing into the crowd at once.

With that, Ryuunosuke turns on his heel and sprints without hesitation. His legs pump as he bursts out of the hall and turns to the right. He doesn’t know where he’s running, just that there are footsteps behind him and he needs to get away.

His heart races as he flies along the corridors. By the time he locates a hiding place, he’s entirely out of breath, gasping for oxygen.

A small cupboard is his refuge, and he slips inside it, closing the door behind him. Light from the corridor cuts into the space in a single crack, illuminating his surroundings. It’s clearly rarely used; everything he can see is covered in a thick layer of dust.

Ryuunosuke waits until he hears footsteps, still doggedly pursuing him, and then he holds his breath, ignoring the burning in his lungs in favour of further concealing himself. He presses himself against the wall - as far away from the door as it’s possible to be - and he waits.

The footsteps don’t stop. They keep plodding past, and like that, he’s in the clear.

He doesn’t move, not just yet, not so prematurely. Ryuunosuke waits, ears still straining, but no one else moves past or near the cupboard.

He waits for the next ring of the bell, waits for everyone to leave the lunch hall. The fifth bell will tell everyone to get to the lessons that are held after lunch. Once everyone is tucked away in classrooms, he’ll find somewhere more spacious to stow away until the evening meal. By that time, the trouble will either have been forgotten, or indefinitely multiplied.

He just has to hope it’s the latter.

Trying desperately to ignore the rumbling of his stomach, Ryuunosuke sinks to the floor, and once more begins his waiting game.

•···········• ☯︎ •···········•

The moment he can tell the coast is clear, Ryuunosuke slips out of the cupboard and sets off down the corridor. He hasn’t had time to explore this place yet, so he’s honestly not certain where he’s headed.

What he does know is that he’s headed away from both the Director’s office and the staff’s quarters and, at this moment, that’s all he cares about.

He steers clear of any doors, continuing on his way through the building until he spots a staircase. It’s tucked out of sight, so small he almost walks right past it. After one last cursory glance around, he propels himself up it.

Just like the cupboard, a thick layer of dust coats the banisters of the stairs, clueing him in that this is a rarely used area. It leads him straight to another corridor, with only a single door on the far wall. Ryuunosuke allows himself to release a breath he hadn’t even realised he was holding, before stepping through it.

Instantly, he knows this space is unlike any other in the orphanage.

It’s a library. The shelves are wonky and books are towering almost dangerously on every surface, but it’s charming, somehow. The far wall holds a large window, and sunlight streams into the room, filling it with warmth and light.

The place is untouched by most, making it most definitely a hidden gem. Ryuunosuke thinks Gin would love it; they haven’t been able to read in years. He steps further into the room, intent on exploring, but a gasp stops him in his tracks.

He whips around, instinctively raising his fists, to see-

Another boy. Younger than him, he thinks. His hair is uneven, his clothes ragged and torn, just like everyone trapped here. His eyes look tired, despite their wideness at the sight of him.

They’re striking nonetheless - a combination of purple and yellow, reminding Ryuunosuke of a sunset.

“Who are you?” the boy demands, startling Ryuunosuke from his thoughts. His tone is defensive, and so is his stance, the book that was open in his lap now held up as if it were a shield in spite of its fragility.

“My name is Ryuunosuke,” he answers after a moment of consideration. “I’ve never seen you before,” he adds.

The boy chuckles mirthlessly. “I try to stay out of the way,” he answers shortly, tone clipped. No elaboration follows, so it’s up to Ryuunosuke to continue the conversation. It’s not something he’d usually bother with, but a sudden compilation strikes him, a desire to know more.

“You’re hiding?” Ryuunosuke guesses. Judging from this practically untouched room and the boy’s defensive posture, it’s a logical conclusion to draw.

The boy only nods to confirm this, still clearly tense.

“Me too,” Ryuunosuke tells him, lowering himself to sit just a couple of feet away. “I got in a fight.”

“Why?” he asks, head tilting in confusion.

“Someone was going to hurt my sibling,” Ryuunosuke says defensively.

The boy’s expression melts into understanding. “That’s a good reason. The Director says you don’t deserve to live if you can’t protect others.”

Ryuunosuke blinks at that. His tone is so definite, so matter-of-fact, that it almost makes him believe the words.

“The strong should protect the weak,” the boy continues, nodding his head as if in agreement with his own statement.

It’s at that moment that Ryuunosuke’s eyes land upon his hands, still clutching the book. His nails are torn, all different lengths and some actively bleeding. All, however, are rough and uncared for, and the sight sends him plummeting back. Back to that basement, back to those scratch marks.

There’s no absolute proof that those were his. There are hundreds of children living in this hell. Yet, deep down, Ryuunosuke has a feeling he knows who was trapped in that basement. It sends his stomach churning once more, and, desperate to stop the feeling, he allows his tongue to lash out at the other boy.

“Of course you’d  say that. I don’t think I’ve seen someone weaker since I got here,” he scoffs, words cutting through the air mercilessly.

“I am weak,” the boy shrugs, admitting it easily. “But I try to help those weaker than me, where I can.”

“How do you help anyone?” Ryuunosuke asks. As scathing as the question sounds, especially in his voice, it’s a genuine one.

“I take beatings for people, mostly,” he answers with a sheepish chuckle. “A lot of us are easy pickings for scapegoats, but I try where I can to take the fall.”

“Why?” Ryuunosuke asks, genuinely bewildered.

“Why did you help your sibling?” he counters. Suddenly, his eyes fall on something beside Ryuunosuke, and soften significantly. Then, without another word, he’s getting up, setting the book to the side and stepping away.

“Where are you going?” Ryuunosuke demands.

“To the pantry,” he calls over his shoulder as he begins descending the stairs.

In that moment, Ryuunosuke forgets how he even stumbled across the boy to begin with. He forgets he’s meant to be hiding.

He follows him.

“You haven’t even told me your name,” he points out with a scowl.

“It’s Atsushi,” the boy replies just as Ryuunosuke catches up with him.

Then the boy - Atsushi - shoots Ryuunosuke this smile. It’s small, yes, but Ryuunosuke’s heart feels as if it has skipped a beat. He almost brings up a hand to clutch at his chest, but manages to stop himself.

“This is a bad idea,” he points out, hopefully unnecessarily, as the two reach another door Ryuunosuke doesn’t recognise. Atsushi, however, flings it open.

Despite his bravado, he stops. He hesitates, and Ryuunosuke slams right into his back.

He instinctively opens his mouth to berate the other, but then he catches sight of his face. It’s scrunched up, and his eyes are glassy with unshed tears. Ryuunosuke’s brows furrow as he glances at the pantry, not spotting anything that could invoke such a reaction.

Atsushi has to take a deep, calming breath before he steps inside, though.

This entire place is steeped with ghosts, Ryuunosuke supposes, not questioning it aloud.

Atsushi makes a beeline for one of the shelves, seemingly already aware of the location of whatever he’s searching for.

It turns out to be sugar. He grabs a huge handful, and then leaves, shutting the door behind them and leaving Ryuunosuke utterly bewildered.

“Where are we going now?” he asks helplessly, still trailing behind Atsushi.

“The kitchen,” comes the unhelpful reply.

This is a bad idea, is Ryuunosuke’s first thought. That’s too close to where the fight was, you’re going to get caught-

His feet keep moving nevertheless, just a step behind Atsushi. He doesn’t bother to change his path, just stays on his tail.

He watches helplessly as Atsushi enters the kitchen. Once more, he immediately locates what he needs, this time a plate. He then steps towards the tap, and pours a shallow layer of water over the top of it. Brows still furrowed in confusion, Ryuunosuke watches as he dumps the sugar into it, then sets off for the third time.

This time, however, Ryuunosuke can tell where they’re heading - despite his knowledge of the orphanage layout being severely limited, he recognises the way back to the library.

“Are you going to explain what that was all about?” he asks finally, as soon as they’re tucked back away.

“Look,” Atsushi commands, in lieu of a response. Ryuunosuke follows where his finger is pointing, right towards a butterfly lying upon the windowsill. Its wings are flapping weakly, clearly earthbound by its exhaustion.

Atsushi steps forward and places the plate down, before scooping up the butterfly and offering it a place atop it.

It’s sugar water, Ryuunosuke puts together belatedly.

He busies himself looking around the room whilst Atsushi frets over the creature. He doesn’t understand it at all - Atsushi is already weak, yet he’s trying to help another. If they had been discovered, who knows what the punishment would’ve been, but it certainly wouldn’t have been pretty.

Yet he risked it anyway, for some insignificant insect.

Sugar water isn’t even guaranteed to save it, yet Atsushi stuck his neck out regardless. Ryuunosuke is just whirling around once more to ask why when the butterfly takes off into the air.

Atsushi’s face lights up, his eyes sparkling as if stars have been placed within them. His mouth spreads into a grin as he reaches out to the butterfly, allowing it to perch on his finger, gazing adoringly at it.

In stark contrast, Ryuunosuke doesn’t spare the butterfly a single glance. His eyes instead drift towards Atsushi’s face, as if drawn there. He seems lighter than when Ryuunosuke had first entered, freer, and it’s infectious.

Ryuunosuke reaches a hand up towards his own face, tracing his lips in surprise. A smile has formed there without his knowledge. His heart is racing, but it also feels as if it’s skipping. His entire body feels light, as if he could float out of the window and fly away.

All because of him. And, in an instant, Ryuunosuke understands it all.

He understands why he comes to Gin’s aid every time, even if he’s worse off for it. He understands why Atsushi protects other children, and why he helped the insect.

As he searches within himself, he also understands a strange desire blooming in his chest. A desire to protect Atsushi, for a reason he can’t quite place. He knows, however, that it has something to do with the weight that has been lifted off his shoulders from this one interaction alone.

For the first time, emotions aren’t just echoes when they reach him. They’re unstoppable forces, tidal waves and hurricanes of pure feeling.

Of joy, all thanks to him.

He doesn’t know how he did it but, when Atsushi’s eyes meet his own, Ryuunosuke allows his grin to spread even wider in response.

•···········• ☯︎ •···········•

Ryuunosuke wishes he could say everything is better now that Atsushi is at his and Gin’s side, but that's far from the truth.

That's not to say there aren't some improvements. He likes Atsushi, for starters, and having someone other than his sibling to talk to for once is nice.

Logically, though, the biggest advantage of having Atsushi around is simply his knowledge of the orphanage. He knows every nook and cranny of this place, from where it's best to hide to where to go to avoid people. He knows the staff incredibly well, too. He knows who they can push, who they can bend the rules around, and who they need to show their best behaviour to.

Yet, despite everything he brings them that's good, associating with Atsushi has made both him and Gin targets, something they never were before. Atsushi is one of the main scapegoats and, upon seeing their new closeness with him, the children have begun pointing fingers at them, too.

"The truth is irrelevant here," Atsushi informs them. "The staff believe whatever they choose to, and you can bet they’ll never believe us."

Keeping their heads down becomes practically impossible. If they don't fight back, they'll just be walked all over. If they do, they end up attracting negative attention from the staff, which only feeds into the others’ ability to blame them for whatever they fancy. It’s a never-ending cycle, one Ryuunosuke knows they need to escape, as soon as possible.

It's Gin's suggestion to let Atsushi in on their escape, and Ryuunosuke finds himself agreeing without hesitation. They wait until lunch, where noise is at its highest due to fights over food, or just general conversation. That's the safest place to tell him.

"We're going to run away," Ryuunosuke says when Gin gestures for him to do so, immediately getting to the point. "Do you want to come with us?"

To Ryuunosuke's surprise, Atsushi hesitates. He expected him to say yes immediately.

"We've been intending to ever since we arrived," Ryuunosuke adds. "We can't stay here."

"I don't know if I can leave," Atsushi answers honestly, swallowing nervously before letting out a forced chuckle. "I mean, I don't even deserve to live, how would I manage out there?"

"The only people telling you that you don't deserve life are in here," Ryuunosuke snaps, slightly irritated at the response. "Besides, are you really idiotic enough to think we'd just abandon you once we got out?"

Atsushi's eyes widen at his harsh words, but Ryuunosuke doesn’t take them back. He knows he needed to hear them. He's proven right when Atsushi chews on his lower lip, brows knitting as he considers their proposition.

"Okay," he says eventually. "I'll go with you."

Mentally, Ryuunosuke practically cheers. Outwardly, he allows himself a small smile. Gin full on grins at his acceptance.

They glance furtively around to ensure that no one else is listening, before launching into explaining the scrap of plan they've got so far, and all the things they'll need to pull it off.

"The main thing we need is a way to get over the walls surrounding us. We also need some food, just enough to keep us going until we get back into town," Ryuunosuke explains.

Atsushi just smiles at their words. "I can help with that."

•···········• ☯︎ •···········•

It takes about a week to get everything they need prepared. They take it in turns sneaking food from the pantry each day, and stowing it away in the most unused cupboard Atsushi knows of.

He even manages to find some rope tucked away in there, thick with dust and unused, but perfect for what they need.

Once everything has been gathered, they further solidify their plan. They decide to sneak out of their rooms tonight, and gather outside the north facing wall of the building, before setting off to freedom.

In order to decrease suspicion, they don't mention it at all throughout the day. They don't even spend any time together, hoping to disguise that anything is off.

Atsushi is filled with so many emotions whenever he thinks about what awaits him that night it makes him dizzy. There's the deep seated terror, clasping his heart and squeezing it tightly because he doesn't even remember life before here, or what could be waiting on the outside.

There's also a fluttering of his heart, a skipping within his chest because he's leaving . He'll be entirely free to start a new life, a life all of his own. A life with Ryuunosuke and Gin, finally loosed from the grip of the Director.

Atsushi finds his feet leading him back to the cupboard where their supplies are hidden, without his bidding. Seeing as he has nothing else to do, Atsushi slides to the ground beside it, mind thoroughly occupied by the possibilities of the future.

Not much longer, he thinks giddily. Only a couple more hours until we're out of here.

He hears footsteps, but doesn't look up, not until they come within his field of vision. When they do, Atsushi swears his heart stops.

The Director. He spares Atsushi a glare, but continues striding past, heading right towards-

The cupboard.

If he opens it, it's game over. He’ll see everything they’ve stored there, and they'll be found out. There is certainly no escape from here if security is heightened even slightly.

They will all be punished, ruthlessly.

Atsushi's breaths come in faster and faster gasps, his brain fogs up. He can't think but he needs to, he needs to come up with a plan, and he needs to do it now.

"Stop!" he demands, or tries to. His voice comes out as a plea instead, cracking halfway through. The Director whips around, raising an eyebrow. A clear warning: stop this now.

Through the haze of panic, Atsushi's mind manages to settle. There's no way to save Ryuunosuke and Gin unless he does something drastic. Something that would lead to punishment. If the Director punishes him, he'll be distracted from the cupboard.

Atsushi won't get to leave, but they will. They won’t be punished, and he will instead, but isn’t it enough that they won’t be?

So he takes a deep breath, steeling himself. He strides up to the Director, mind racing as to what he could do to guarantee himself punishment.

It hits him when he sees the glint of metal around his neck. The Director wears a cross necklace, as do many of the staff here. It reminds him painfully of Gin, but Atsushi ploughs on, reaching up and snatching it with all of his might. The chain snaps, and the cross goes tumbling to the floor.

The Director's face darkens into something thunderous. Something murderous.

I did it, is all Atsushi has time to think before a hand collides with his cheek, the force of the slap whipping his head to the side. He reaches up to cradle it, but the Director snatches him by the wrist with an iron grip.

"You worthless-" the Director snarls, but cuts himself off, anger overwhelming him. A sharp tug is all the warning Atsushi gets before he's being dragged away. He scrambles to try and keep his feet underneath him, but it’s fruitless as he ends up stumbling, falling. All that keeps him moving is the grip practically pulling his arm out of his socket, yanking him ever onwards.

When the door to the basement comes into sight, Atsushi feels his eyes widen. His struggle picks up its desperation as he kicks out and tries to tear his arm free, but it’s fruitless.

His heart pounds as the Director shoves him forwards, sending him tumbling down the stairs. His head collides against the floor and suddenly stars burst across his vision, muddling his thoughts.

Atsushi tries to sit up, tries to do anything, but soon the Director is looming over him once more. He draws his foot back and kicks Atsushi right in the gut, sending all the air whooshing out of his lungs. He lets out an involuntary groan, trying to draw the air back in but he can’t.

After another sharp kick, before the Director grabs one of his ankles. Normally when punishing him there’d be a constant flow of taunts and reminders that he’s worthless, but Atsushi must’ve really struck home because all he gets is stormy silence.

Without warning, he’s being dragged along the floor once again. He cries out as his back scrapes against the hard stone beneath him, but, of course, the Director pays him no mind.

He flings Atsushi into one of the cells and slams the door shut. He pounds his fist against the bars once, creating an almighty crash. Atsushi flinches, but the Director doesn’t do anything else. In fact, he turns away, disappearing from sight.

No scolding. Not even a reminder of his worthlessness.

Atsushi uses the last dregs of his strength to crawl as far away from the door as he can, and curl up. Everything hurts, impossibly so, and his head is pounding within his skull.

With no energy left to cry, his eyes slip closed, and he falls into a fitful sleep.

Atsushi can’t identify why he reawakens at first. He looks around dazedly, wondering what startled him from consciousness.

Then he hears it again - voices. They’re faint, but they cut him from his unconsciousness either way. With another start, he realises that he recognises them.

It’s Ryuunosuke, and he’s not alone. It must be Gin.

Atsushi’s heart leaps in his chest. Have they figured out where he is, did they come to get him? He strains his ears; they sound as if they’re above him, but how?

Atsushi turns, still wincing from the throbbing pain, and spots a small window. Just a crack, really, letting light into the cell. He pulls himself away from the wall, craning his neck, and he realises he can see outside. Just the ground, and two pairs of feet.

“He didn’t even seem like he wanted to come at first,” Ryuunosuke is pointing out from above.

Atsushi’s heart sinks as the realisation hits. To them, it must just seem like he didn’t show up. Like he was too much of a coward to come, or simply failed to deliver on their agreement.

“What if something happened to him?” Gin asks, tone desperate. Their voice is still largely unfamiliar to Atsushi, but he clings to the sound of it regardless. “We can’t just leave-”

“What if he just changed his mind?” Ryuunosuke counters, cutting them off. “We can’t stay here. We’re going to get caught if we do, and you know full well we can’t take much more of this place.”

Atsushi opens his mouth to say something, anything, but his throat is completely dry. He can’t get the words out, but he tries anyway-

The pathetic croak that escapes him isn’t even loud enough to generate an echo.

“We’ll find him again, okay? I promise,” Ryuunosuke says sincerely, and the feet move closer to each other, huddling together. “But right now, we need to think of ourselves, too.”

Atsushi keeps his eyes on the window as the feet leave, walking, however hesitantly, further and further away. He keeps watching the spot where they were until his eyes begin to fall closed once more, the weight of his exhaustion pulling them down.

At least they got out, he tries to tell himself. They’ll be okay.

Chapter Text

“I’m so sorry!”

Ryuunosuke watches impassively as his new coworker, Tanizaki, bows his head apologetically. He’s still not entirely sure why he feels the need to apologise - after all, he was simply testing Ryuunosuke’s worth to determine whether he was worthy of joining the Agency. There’s really no need for it.

At least, there’s no need to be sorry for what he did to Ryuunosuke. It was routine. His eyes sharpen, however, as the girl sitting beside him speaks up. From her words, it seems like she is his sister, yet her brother clearly allowed her to be the one chosen to play the part of the hostage. That is what Ryuunosuke can’t accept: such blatant disregard for his sibling, as if it’s not a privilege to have one.

Ryuunosuke is all too familiar with the loss of a sibling. It hasn’t ceased eating at him since it happened, not even for a moment, yet Tanizaki was willing to put his sister at risk without a second thought.

“Unforgivable,” Ryuunosuke mutters bitterly aloud. The others jump, but he ignores them, ploughing on just to confirm his thoughts. “The girl who played the hostage - is she your sister?”

“Huh?” Tanizaki says, clearly taken aback. “Oh, yeah. Naomi’s my little sister.”

“You should cherish your sister,” Ryuunosuke says seriously. “Protect her.”

“Wait,” Tanizaki frowns, brows furrowed as he thinks Ryuunosuke’s words over. “Are you in a bad mood because I was rough with Naomi when she was pretending to be the hostage?”

Ryuunosuke nods slowly. He would’ve thought that was obvious.

“You don’t have to worry, I actually asked to be the hostage!” Naomi jumps in.

Ryuunosuke raises his eyebrows. “I see,” he says slowly. “Well, then there’s nothing to worry about. It appears I reached a conclusion rather hastily.”

A silence falls over the table, and Ryuunosuke takes the opportunity to stop a passing waitress to order something to eat. The Tanizaki siblings, after a moment of silence, launch into chatter, seemingly intent on holding a conversation with him. They dig for more information almost relentlessly, and he (reluctantly) decides to indulge them.

It’s all just for passing the time until the man who saved him arrives.

Luckily, Oda strides through the door soon enough, saving him from the hell that is social interaction. The sunlight from behind him drops shadows over his face, only emphasising the lack of caring for his non-existent punctuality painted there.

“You’re late,” Kunikida snaps as soon as he spots him, craning his head to shoot him a fierce glare.

Oda scratches the back of his head sheepishly. “Yeah, sorry about that.”

His tone doesn’t sound sincere in the slightest due to his monotonous voice, but Kunikida doesn’t push the matter further. Oda drops himself into the seat next to Ryuunosuke, ordering a curry before turning to the table at large.

An awkward silence follows, and it’s Tanizaki who rushes to fill it. He must be allergic to silence, Ryuunosuke concludes, given his desperation to constantly fill it.

“Akutagawa, I’m sure you know who this is, but I’ll introduce him officially,” he says. “This is Oda Sakunosuke. He’s been a detective at the Agency for two years, and from today, he’s going to be your mentor.”

“I look forward to working with you,” Ryuunosuke tells Oda honestly, dipping his head slightly in respect. He has no doubt this man will be key to his goals, but he needs to be absolutely certain. He needs to put him to the test in some way.

“Me, too,” Oda replies warmly, and Ryuunosuke has no way of telling if he suspects his next actions or not. His face certainly seems open, but with such a worthy opponent, how can he really tell?

Ryuunosuke continues to watch Oda out of the corner of his eye as he keeps eating. For a man with such impressive skills, it’s certainly strange that he looks both as if he’s concentrating, and as if he’s thinking about nothing at all, all at once. His eyes seem blank, but there’s a sharpness to them that has Ryuunosuke’s guard rising without him even realising it.

It’s when Oda turns to talk to the waitress, guard very obviously down, that he decides to strike. If this man really is all he seems to be, if he really will be all that Ryuunosuke needs, he fully intends to carry out the mini test he has devised.

If Oda is as powerful as he seems, he shouldn’t even break a sweat.

Ryuunosuke sharpens Rashoumon into a deadly spike, and, without a moment of hesitation, sends it directly towards Oda’s head. In his blind spot like the tendril is, a hit would be deadly, decapitating him instantly.

Oda doesn’t look his way, but he doesn’t need to. He raises his spoon, somehow using something as small and irrelevant as a utensil to parry the spike, deflecting it entirely, rendering his ability entirely useless.

Ryuunosuke raises his eyebrows, silently impressed. He certainly passed the first test.

“New guy, what the hell was that?!” Kunikida demands. “You almost took his head off!”

Once more, Ryuunosuke doesn’t comment, instead focusing on sending another wave of attack towards Oda - two more tendrils, sharpened to points.

He dodges them without even looking. He moves with such a fluid ease that it’s as if he’s floating through water, entirely weightless. Ryuunosuke almost grins. This man is certainly worthy to train him, to help him become as formidable as he must be to achieve his goal.

“...he said he wanted me to train him to become stronger,” Oda is saying when Ryuunosuke pushes his quiet joy away and tunes back in, clearly retelling the story of their meeting. “I told him I’ve never trained someone, but that I could give him some guidance if he joined the Agency. That’s why he’s here.”

“I am very fortunate,” Ryuunosuke adds. “I’ve never met someone as talented as Oda.”

Kunikida shakes his head aggressively, clearly distressed. “None of that explains why you’re attacking each other in a restaurant of all places! Enough of this, go to a dojo if you want to train!”

“My goals cannot simply be achieved in a dojo,” Ryuunosuke sniffs. “I could encounter my targets literally anywhere, so why should I prepare to fight somewhere I won’t find them?”

“Your… targets?” Kunikida repeats, brows furrowing in confusion.

“There are apparently two people he aims to find,” Oda explains. “That’s why he is trying to hone his skills.”

“Who are they?” Naomi asks softly.

“One is my sibling,” Ryuunosuke begins gravely. His mood always significantly sours whenever he remembers just how badly he failed them, in every way. He tries to push it away, to focus on the conversation. “They were taken from me, by a person dressed in black. The other is my friend,” he adds.

The words seem so simple in relation to tasks that consume his entire being. He needs to find them, mainly, of course, for their own safety. He has no idea where they are, whether they’re even alive, but he needs to ensure that they can live without fear. He can’t bear the thought of what they could be going through at this very moment, all the hardships they could be enduring.

Yet it’s also due to a voice within him, an entirely selfish voice. There’s a part of him that just wants his two favourite people back by his side.

“Do you have any idea where either of them are?” Naomi continues. “Any leads?”

“None at all,” Ryuunosuke admits, feeling a pang in his chest at the words, one that only increases as he continues speaking, voice softer as he admits the painful truth. “I don’t even know if either of them are alive.”

There’s a pause after his words, an intake of breath from those around him, and for the first time in several months, it really hits him. He avoids thinking about it at all costs, but they could be dead. He has no way of knowing if this will all be for nothing, if he has lost them forever.

He shoves the thought away to the back of his mind, and ploughs on.

“I will find them,” he says, utter conviction flooding into his voice, despite the many unknowns plaguing the equation. Those around him seem to relax, taking his shining eyes and set jaw as confirmation that nothing will get in his way.

Ryuunosuke wishes he had the same confidence they do.

“If you’re looking to find people, this is the right place,” Kunikida tells him, pushing his glasses further up his nose. “With our clearance, you can look through the police’s records on missing people, and you can get information on various underground organisations. Not to mention all of our highly capable detectives, many of whom will eagerly assist you.”

Ryuunosuke’s brows furrow at the inclusion of the word many, not all, but he doesn’t comment on it.

“It’s not going to be easy to locate people in a city as big as this,” Tanizaki points out with a frown. Ryuunosuke’s heart stutters at the words, but before his mind can begin to race, Naomi bursts out laughing.

His brows knit together further, but before anyone can scold her she opens her mouth.

“You’re all forgetting one very crucial detail,” she says, tone entirely matter-of-fact. “Akutagawa, you made the right choice in joining our Agency. There’s no place in the world better suited to finding the people you’re looking for, because we’ve got him.”

Ryuunosuke’s frown doesn’t fade in the slightest, but the rest of the Agency members at the table light up. Naomi gets to her feet, offering him a grin.

“It’s about time we introduced you to the greatest detective in the world.”

•···········• ☯︎ •···········•

The greatest detective in the world certainly seemed impressive, at least at first. If Ryuunosuke had just been presented with the title, he might not have batted an eye, but he could see the way the other Agency members straightened at the mention of the person. There was a hidden excitement behind every move they made as they led Ryuunosuke up the stairs, a clear sign that this person lived up to their name.

“He’s the only detective without an ability in our organisation,” Naomi told him in hushed tones as they entered the room, and for the first time in years, Ryuunosuke saw a clear path ahead of him.

The path to reclaiming Gin and Atsushi had always been murky. The end goal was clear, and always had been; it was Ryuunosuke’s anchor, keeping him steady and on track, utterly focused on his task no matter what. He’d never been able to see the route to get there, though. The twists and turns he’d have to take were unfamiliar to him.

With the Armed Detective Agency at his side, he might not know the way, but he’ll have them to guide him along.

Kunikida’s words from earlier come back to him the moment he meets the detective in question.

Mostly.

“A couple of missing people? No thanks, boring,” was the first thing Edogawa said to him, dragging out the last syllable of his speech. He had his feet up on the desk, a lollipop in his mouth, and despite their combined efforts in pleading he simply would not budge.

“I only take cases that interest me,” he had explained.

Ryuunosuke scowled. “Well, I’ll just find them by myself, then,” he snapped. It’s what he had been doing this entire time, with very little progress, but at least he’d have the Agency’s resources to speed things along.

Edogawa laughed aloud at his statement but, once he had calmed down, he made a compromise. The compromise came in the form of a card, with space for a stamp for each Agency member. If he could convince them all to stamp it by performing tasks for them, Edogawa would help with the investigation.

“I thought my case didn’t interest you,” Ryuunosuke pointed out, voice dripping with skepticism as he took the card.

“It doesn’t,” Edogawa answered with a grin. “I just want to see what everyone will put you through.”

It took Ryuunosuke four long weeks to gather every stamp. In comparison to the years upon years of searching he had conducted so far, the time period itself wasn’t so bad. It was the tasks that drained him.

Both Tanizaki and the President gave him their stamps without a single word of protest, or even a request to do something for them. They both sympathised enough to make the impossibly daunting road ahead easier on him, but no one else was even close to being that considerate.

From working on farmland with Kenji, to following Kunikida’s ridiculous schedule, to having to endure Yosano’s ability over and over again, to three days of the hell that was looking after Oda’s orphans, he endured it all.

For them, it would be worth it.

After four weeks, the investigation is only just now beginning. Everyone has assured him that with Edogawa on the case, it will take no time at all. Ryuunosuke still doesn’t have full confidence in his detective skills, but he does know one thing: whether he sees them soon or not, they’re both alive.

Edogawa confirmed it as soon as the card was filled. The possibility that he could simply be wrong, that he is simply guessing as to their state of life, has crossed Ryuunosuke’s mind more than once. The doubt is somehow entirely blotted out by the sheer weight that has been lifted from his shoulders.

They’re alive. They could be in terrible conditions, Gin could be suffering at the hands of the person dressed in black, Atsushi could still be trapped in that horrific orphanage, but they’re alive. Their hearts are beating, just as his own is. Their lungs are expanding and contracting in a regular rhythm and, as long as they continue to do so, there is hope.

•···········• ☯︎ •···········•

Rain patters softly against the windows, just as much a melody as the jazz music drifting through the air. The chair Ryuunosuke is resting upon is discoloured with age, and each inhale he takes is filled with the scent of coffee.

It would be perfect, if not for the foe staring him down: an impossibly tall pile of paperwork.

Joining the Agency was the right step to take in finding his sibling and Atsushi, he is well aware of that. His heart still skips whenever they cross his mind, disbelief and elation at the fact that once seemed impossible - that they are alive - still affecting him every time.

It was the best thing he could’ve done for them, and for him, too. Working at the Agency, though, means paperwork, and copious amounts of it, too.

The café is empty, besides him, the manager, and his greatest enemy. Sweat is practically dripping down his forehead as he stares down at it, well and truly stumped by its demands.

The door to the café chimes merrily, a seemingly insignificant sound, but one that marks the beginning of a change in everything Ryuunosuke knows. He doesn’t look up, not at first; his brows are knitted, entire body tense with the focus he is pouring into his staredown with the pile of papers before him.

He doesn’t move until he hears the distinct lack of footsteps. The person who has just entered is moving as silently as a cat, unnervingly so. An overwhelming nothingness envelops him as he slips into a seat not far from Ryuunosuke’s own.

“I’ll have a coffee,” the newcomer says, a smile in his voice, and Ryuunosuke swears his heart stops.

The voice is deeper than he last heard it, richer. Matured with age, and far more solemn than he’s ever heard it all, but despite it all it’s instantly familiar. Recognisable despite the years apart that stretch between them, and more warm than the feeling of returning home.

Atsushi.

His head whips up instantly, eyes itching to fall upon one of the people he’s been tirelessly searching for.

Atsushi is sitting as still as a statue as he waits for his drink, not even looking at Ryuunosuke. There’s a twinge in his chest, but he pushes it away, revelling in finally able to drink in the sight of him, after all these years.

Ryuunosuke finds his heart rate increasing from the first glance alone. Atsushi has grown into himself beautifully. His jagged haircut from the orphanage is on its way to growing out, and his frame has filled out, too. His heart swells at all the signs that Atsushi made it out, just as they did, and experienced freedom, no matter how much he may have suffered to obtain it.

Then Ryuunosuke looks deeper. Despite having clearly gained weight since the orphanage, he’s still bordering on being too thin. There are dark circles under his eyes, weighing his entire face down. Atsushi’s eyes themselves are directed down at the table, while his posture is unnaturally stiff, as if he’s forcing himself upright.

Heavy, is the first word that comes to Ryuunosuke’s mind, and it’s not an entirely inaccurate one, either. Every one of Atsushi’s limbs look as if they carry unspeakable weight, dragging him ever downwards.

When he finally turns towards Ryuunosuke, he is struck right to his core the moment he takes in his eyes. Never before has he seen them so flat and lifeless. Even in the flaming pits of that wretched orphanage, his eyes have never been as devoid of light as they are now. Ryuunosuke is so taken aback that he almost misses what Atsushi says next.

“Excuse me. I was wondering if you have any idea where the Armed Detective Agency is?”

His entire demeanor is friendly, but in a detached, polite manner, as if he doesn’t know Ryuunosuke at all. He’s certainly a good actor - if it weren’t for his eyes, devoid of anything and everything, he doubts he’d be able to tell that the smile on his face is fake.

Ryuunosuke blinks slowly at the new puzzle presented before him. There is not a trace of recognition in Atsushi’s face, so he narrows his eyes, raking his gaze over him to deduce why. It hits him when he realises that Atsushi’s gaze isn’t focused on him, not like it appears to be at first glance. He’s staring just to the left of Ryuunosuke’s head, looking, but not seeing, and certainly not seeing him.

“I, uh, do,” he manages.

“That’s perfect,” Atsushi says brightly. “You see, my boss sent me to deliver a letter to the President of the Armed Detective Agency, but I got lost.” He pauses to fake a laugh, before continuing, “It started raining, so I came in here to wait it out. I don’t suppose you could point me in the right direction?”

“Uh,” Ryuunosuke says eloquently, mind still entirely overloaded by the situation. Atsushi is here, in his proximity for the first time in years, and he hasn’t once even looked in his direction.

Atsushi can’t know it’s him, of course. Ryuunosuke isn’t even sure how he’d react if he did know, but it certainly wouldn’t be with blank indifference.

“It’s on the fourth floor of the building,” he manages to say eventually, filling the silence.

Atsushi’s face lights up. The sight would send Ryuunosuke’s heart pounding, if it weren’t for the obvious effort put into the performance behind it.

“Oh, it is?” he asks. “That’s lucky!”

Before Ryuunosuke can voice his agreement (after all, this situation is far luckier than Atsushi currently knows), the café manager sets Atsushi’s coffee down before him. Ryuunosuke watches as Atsushi grabs one, two, three sugar cubes, and drops them each into the mug with a light clink.

His chest aches at the familiarity of the gesture. Sugar was a commodity in the orphanage, and it seems both of them have ended up indulging in it as one of the many luxuries of their new-found liberty.

Atsushi clearly notices his stare, for he chuckles sheepishly.

“My colleagues always tell me it’s too much, but where I grew up, sugar was worth its weight in gold. Old habits die hard, I guess.”

“An orphanage,” Ryuunosuke fills in the blanks. He says it as a statement - he knows, better than almost anyone, after all - but Atsushi clearly takes it as a question.

“How did you know?” he asks, eyes widening, but still not seeing. Still not taking in the sight right in front of him.

Ryuunosuke quickly scans his brain, trying to come up with signs that Atsushi has displayed during their conversation, anything to deflect potential suspicion.

“Well, the sugar thing, of course,” he begins, stalling for time, until it hits him. “You’re incredibly quiet. You keep your distance, keep your head down, as if you expect to be alienated. I’ve seen a lot of kids who ran away from orphanages,” he adds, hoping to increase the believability of his reasoning.

“I had a chance to run, but I lost it,” Atsushi smiles wistfully, and Ryuunosuke’s heart pounds like never before, beating furiously against his ribcage.

He’s so close, both to Ryuunosuke, and the truth he has to see. He vehemently hopes Atsushi will continue along that line of conversation, will lead them back to each other, but he switches focus with his next words.

“I don’t have the courage to change myself, even now. I still have all these quirks from my time there, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get rid of them.” As he speaks, his face seems to draw in on itself, brows furrowing and mouth tugged downwards by some invisible weight.

Ryuunosuke knows in an instant he will do anything to lighten the load.

“I put four sugar cubes in my tea,” he shares. An olive branch, extended.

And Atsushi clasps it with both hands.

They talk for what can only be minutes, but Ryuunosuke wishes fervently were hours. They shoot the breeze, talk about nothing and everything, connect over their shared experiences, and Ryuunosuke’s heart seems to soar.  

Yet not once does Atsushi look at him. He searches and searches his face, desperate for a sign that his eyes will flick just centimetres to the left and see him. Recognise him, just as he did only moments ago.

Even that melts away, though, when Atsushi begins to laugh. It’s musical, like chimes in the wind, and impossibly warm. Ryuunosuke finds himself enthralled immediately; he is struck by the inexplicable desire to bottle the sound and keep it close to his chest, cradling it right by his heart.

For a moment, the rest of the world ceases to exist. The sound of rain against the windows fades away, the presence of the café manager becomes obsolete. A bubble enshrouds them, and their world narrows.

It is just Atsushi and Ryuunosuke here. Nothing else matters to them. Ryuunosuke wishes with all he is that it could last forever.

“This is probably the first time I’ve been able to talk to someone like this,” Atsushi tells him softly.

Then Ryuunosuke has to watch his face closes off. It becomes blank, and any trace of emotion is washed away, replaced by a manufactured blankness.

“I should probably just get you to deliver the letter for me,” he says, tone entirely lacking the mirth it had mere seconds ago. Oh, and I didn’t catch your name?”

“Ryuunosuke.” It falls from his lips easily, as if drawn to Atsushi, just as all of him seems to be.

In an instant, everything changes. Atsushi’s eyes finally, finally, meet Ryuunosuke’s-

Before widening in horror.

He leaps back, or he tries to. The stool he was sitting on, just moments ago, crashes to the ground alongside him. The letter he had been carrying drops, too, but neither party is focused on it now.

“Ryuu?” he echoes, voice shaking as he takes him in. Just as Ryuunosuke had earlier, he seems to be cataloging the changes and recognising, despite the time that has passed, it’s really him.

“Atsushi,” Ryuunosuke breathes in return, a smile lifting the corners of his mouth involuntarily. He rises, hand outstretched towards Atsushi. He steps forwards, getting closer, closer, but Atsushi scrambles to his feet, crying out in protest. His voice is so venomous that it stops Ryuunosuke in his tracks, stilling his body entirely.

Atsushi takes the opportunity presented. He turns, and he sprints from the building. He doesn’t look back even once, leaving Ryuunosuke entirely alone, with his thoughts running at a million miles an hour, and a pile of paperwork.

•···········• ☯︎ •···········•

Ryuunosuke doesn’t know how long he just sits there, the pieces of himself seemingly scattered across the floor with how out of it he has become. It takes time to pull himself back together, time he quite simply doesn’t have. He needs to get up, needs to run after Atsushi, but it’s as if the rug has been yanked out from underneath his feet.

Still half-dazed, his eyes only belatedly fall upon the envelope that Atsushi abandoned on the floor. He is dimly aware that he shouldn’t open it - it’s supposed to be for the President - but Ryuunosuke doesn’t think he can bear to hand over anything of Atsushi’s, even to his boss. He finds his hand stretching out before he’s even made the conscious decision to move it, fingers brushing against it as his heart seems to contract painfully within him.

It’s not even sealed.

His movements are slow as he peels it open, and hesitantly removes the contents: a single photograph. Something that seems so small, and yet what is depicted has Ryuunosuke’s heart plummeting straight into his shoes.

His eyes water as they come into contact with Gin, and it’s as if a hand clenches around his heart at the sight of them. They’ve visibly grown since he last saw them. Their hair and clothes are styled differently, both more cared for and more mature, yet their eyes are utterly blank.

It hits him like a blow to the stomach, because in these years they’ve grown up, and he’s missed every second of it.

He sits back on his heels, trying to take deeper breaths, to calm if not his mind, but his body down.

It doesn’t work. It can’t. The two people he has been searching for, with every ounce of strength and energy he possesses, were within his grip today, and he let them both get away. They slipped right through his fingers, to who knows where.

Ryuunosuke blinks furiously, mind struggling to piece together a plan in its state of disarray. He’s so lost, he doesn’t even realise the solution until it’s right in front of him.

The sound of slow footsteps descending the stairs startles him from his thoughts, giving him enough time to look up before Edogawa steps into view. From the suitcase he trails behind him, there is no doubt he is going on some kind of mission, that he has somewhere to be. Yet Ryuunosuke ignores that, his face lighting up as he sprints over to his side, because the only person who can know where they are has just stumbled into his path.

“Where have they been working?” he demands, leaving no room for pleasantries, and even less for refusal.

Edogawa seems to size him up, eyes travelling from the photograph clutched in his fist, to the determination set in every line of his face. “The Port Mafia,” he answers eventually, and although Ryuunosuke’s heart pounds faster at the name, something else grips him, too.

Relief. Although they may be trapped in the jaws of that organisation, the goal before him is finally tangible, after all this time. He knows exactly where to go, and what to do, to finally get them back.

“Thank you,” Ryuunosuke says shortly, before turning on his heel. His aim is to stride straight from the café to his destination. No more wasting time he doesn’t have, not when he can’t even comprehend the horrors they may have faced at the hands of that organisation. His entire mind is set on how close he is, how he could practically just reach out his hand and find what he has been searching for this entire time.

Of course, Edogawa doesn’t leave it there. “It’s dangerous,” he warns. “I’m going away, and I won’t be there for the Agency to fall back on.”

“I don’t need you for this,” Ryuunosuke sneers, offended at the mere suggestion. He doesn’t need someone else to hold his hand, to gently guide him through getting them back, not when he is perfectly capable of doing it himself.

“No, I suppose you don’t,” Edogawa acquiesces, once more taking him in, and clearly deeming him worthy. Ryuunosuke has to pretend the approval doesn’t send pride shooting through his veins. “You’d be better off with me, of course, but I don’t think you need any of us, really. You still need to be careful. The Port Mafia’s headquarters-”

“I don’t care,” Ryuunosuke insists. “Nothing will stop me now.”

With that, he storms off, not sparing Edogawa another glance. In return, he doesn’t say another word, presumably heading off to whatever mission was demanding his attention this time, wisely leaving him alone.

Ryuunosuke meant every word he said. He won’t allow anything to stop him. He is fully aware he is going to need to break into the most impenetrable fortress in Yokohama, but he also knows he’s never been closer to returning to the people he misses so badly it hurts.

He won’t be stopped. He can’t allow himself to be.

•···········• ☯︎ •···········•

If nothing was truly at stake, Ryuunosuke suspects he would charge into the headquarters with guns already blazing. Concealing himself wouldn’t be a priority, not when he could cut down all their lackeys with brute force alone.

That half-formed idea feels too dangerous, though. It’s risky in a way Ryuunosuke can’t afford to be, no matter the strength he has managed to nurture within himself with the help of the Agency.

He won’t let such a foolish error in judgement prevent him from doing what he came here for. With only a slight reluctance, Ryuunosuke goes for the stealth route.

Approaching the building with light footsteps, he sneaks hasty glances into the windows on the ground floor, searching for an empty room, one he can enter through. When he spots one, he even does a second cursory glance inside to ensure he is correct, and he slips inside.

Once actually within the building, the next step isn’t immediately obvious. It’s a colossal structure, dominating the skyline, and there is a plethora of rooms within it, rooms that could, if entered carelessly, end up in him being captured. Ryuunosuke has to search the building without being detected at all.

The moment he so much as thinks it, he knows it’s absurd. There is no way he can conduct a thorough search of the building if he’s constantly having to look over his shoulder.

The next idea that hits him is just as insane, but it actually seems plausible. Ryuunosuke can see no other choice: he has to go straight for the boss. Their office is on the highest floor, the most heavily guarded place in this entire building. But they are the only person certain to know where Gin and Atsushi are, for they are the one who calls all the shots.

Before he can allow himself to get stuck in his head, to talk himself out of the one idea he has, Ryuunosuke sets off, keeping his footsteps as light as they can be, and with focus utterly directed on finding the person in black.

•···········• ☯︎ •···········•

Ryuunosuke, strangely, doesn’t encounter a soul on his traverse up the stairwell. This place must surely be a bustling hub of activity, constantly working to raise their profits and smite those who dare to stand against them. Yet Ryuunosuke sees no one, doesn’t even hear anyone, which is what sets the alarm bells in his head ringing.

Something is wrong, of that he is certain, but what?

The atmosphere is so thick with tension that it makes him hesitate at the door onto the boss’ floor. It’s as if the entire world has been paused, all activity stopped - as if something, or someone, is waiting to strike.

There’s no turning back now, Ryuunosuke scolds himself internally. Really, why would he even want to? Gin and Atsushi are so close to him it’s agonising; they are quite literally just within his reach.

After taking a deep breath to steady himself, Ryuunosuke flings the door open.

He’s not in the boss’ office, not yet. This must be a waiting room, Ryuunosuke supposes, but the thought is knocked from his mind the moment his eyes land on a person poised on the edge of a chair.

“The boss isn’t taking any meetings today,” Gin says in an impassive voice, eyes still fixed on the notepad in their lap.

Ryuunosuke doesn’t say anything, can’t make anything but a vaguely strangled noise escape his lips, and they look up at him, brows already furrowing in irritation, until they actually take in the sight before them.

“I said-” The words die on their tongue in an instant.

It’s as if the whole world stops as their eyes finally meet. Ryuunosuke feels stuck, as if his entire body is encased in treacle, unable to step towards them but wanting to so, so desperately. Neither of them say a word, he doubts either of them even can, but their gazes remain locked together until they finally find the strength to speak.

“Ryuu?” Their voice cracks, finally breaking the spell on him, and pushing him right towards them.

“Gin,” he breathes as they stand to meet him in an embrace, arms wrapping around each other and squeezing so tightly it borders on painful. Ryuunosuke can’t bring him to care, not when Gin is here, real, tangible within his arms, radiating a warmth he never could.

And all he can think is, finally. He’s lost four years with them, all thanks to his own stupidity, but it seems irrelevant as he soaks in the contact between the two of them. His heart is racing, but he ignores it all. He doesn’t know how long they stay like that, just soaking in each other’s presence, but eventually Gin pulls away.

“How did you even get up here?” they ask in a low tone. “You shouldn’t have been able to, you shouldn’t be here. If you’re just here to kill the boss, then-”

“Why would I care about the boss?” Ryuunosuke interjects with a frown, rejecting the ludicrous possibility instantly. “I’m here for you.”

At that, Gin’s face melts into something else, something wholly relieved. They open their mouth to say something else, when another familiar voice speaks up.

“Gin, the boss said they wanted to see-”

Ryuunosuke whips around in an instant, eyes widening as he sees Atsushi once again. He’s accompanied by a girl, one he doesn’t recognise, but that doesn’t stop his heart from roaring in his ears.

He, Atsushi and Gin are all back together. They’re in the same room, only separated by a couple of strides, and Ryuunosuke simply can’t believe it. He’s dreamed of this for years, and it seemed impossible for so long, but now it’s really happening.

It’s not all perfect, though, Ryuunosuke reminds himself, and not by a long shot. His thoughts are proven when, from the mere sight of him, Atsushi’s eyes widen once more, and he begins backing away.

“Wait!” Ryuunosuke cries, frustration creeping into his voice. “Why do you keep running away from me? I finally found you, after all this time, but you keep trying to get away!”

He can’t stop the hurt that haunts his tone, too. There are no words to describe the euphoria Ryuunosuke felt upon seeing both of them again, so why won’t Atsushi just talk to him? Does he not feel the same?

The girl at Atsushi’s side clearly has her guard up, staring Ryuunosuke down as if he’s the threat. At a wave from Atsushi, however, she relaxes, albeit just slightly. Her eyes are still narrowed into slits slicing into him, but she doesn’t make another move.

Atsushi swallows slightly as he steps forwards, closer to him. Ryuunosuke tries to ignore the way it sets his heart pounding.

“Lots of reasons,” he begins lamely, only rushing to continue when Ryuunosuke raises an eyebrow. “Well, I mean-” he begins to scrub his hands together as he talks, barely aware of the action- “you know as well as I do that I didn’t show up for our escape.”

“I don’t care,” Ryuunosuke snaps, probably too bluntly, but it’s true. “I get to see you now.”

“Yeah, but…” Atsushi trails off for a moment, clearly deliberating his next words. “Don’t you know where we’ve been? The Port Mafia! We’ve done things too horrific to name, things that simply can’t be forgiven, and-”

His volume keeps raising the more he speaks, words becoming more and more frantic as he works himself up. Ryuunosuke pushes away the pang of hurt that Atsushi thought he’d judge him so, and instead tries to wait for him to calm down, but it just doesn’t happen. He keeps digging himself into a deeper and deeper hole, and there’s only one way Ryuunosuke can think of to stop him.

It’s entirely idiotic. He has no idea how Atsushi feels towards him, and hasn’t even figured out his own. That all flies out of the window as he flings himself forwards, and smashes their lips together. For a moment, Ryuunosuke thinks he’s made a grave error; Atsushi does not kiss him back. He tries to pull away, to reverse the damage he’s done, but it’s as if Atsushi breaks free from his shock. He chases after Ryuunosuke, reaching up and locking their lips together once more.

It’s not gentle, it’s not slow, yet Atsushi relaxes into it regardless, fisting one of his hands in Ryuunosuke’s shirt as he leans forwards. Ryuunosuke finds himself smiling into the kiss, reveling in the electricity that seems to dance in the air between them. He is just bringing up his hand to grab at Atsushi’s coat in retaliation, relaxing further into Atsushi’s form when a voice speaks up.

“Gross.” The girl who arrived at Atsushi’s side is now standing by Gin, staring impassively at them both. She says the word in an entirely monotonous voice that has Ryuunosuke scowling at her.

Gin nods in agreement, and he turns his glare on them next.

“Sorry,” Atsushi apologises with a light chuckle, and that’s just what it is. Light. Despite the weight that seemed to hang over him like a cloud in their first visit, when Ryuunosuke’s eyes drift over to his, he finds a glimmer within them. Not a large one, not a strong one, but one that’s there regardless. He tries to ignore the way his heart pounds at the sight.

The improvement only serves to make the change more drastic when a slow clapping sound begins, and Atsushi’s face screws itself up in fear. Ryuunosuke follows his gaze to land on a person all too familiar, one that has been etched into his mind since the day they took his sibling away.

The Boss of the Port Mafia smiles as they applaud, but it certainly doesn’t reach their eyes. Ryuunosuke finds himself tensing up right alongside all the people in the room who are more familiar with this person than him, by virtue of their position alone.

“Congratulations,” they say with a warmth that feels entirely manufactured. “I almost thought you didn’t have it within you, Akutagawa-kun.”

Ryuunosuke’s brows furrow, and he’s seconds away from asking them what they mean when Atsushi beats him to it.

“Dazai-san,” he says, the single word trembling in the air. “We were just-”

Dazai just waves a hand dismissively. “I know what you were doing. Atsushi, Gin, Kyouka, you’re all fired. I want you to go back to the outside world.”

Their tone is casual and breezy, but the pause that follows their words is one of utter disbelief. Ryuunosuke knows just as well as they do that there is no leaving the mafia. If you run, you will be doggedly pursued until the end of your days. The only way out is through death, and yet they just let all of them go?

“What game are you playing?” Ryuunosuke demands. “You can’t seriously just be letting them waltz out of here.”

When Dazai’s eyes land on him, Ryuunosuke swears he shudders. Their eyes are hollow, like black voids carved into their face, and devoid of any feeling at all. He finds himself taking an involuntary step backwards.

“I have my reasons, but not all of you can know. Atsushi-kun, Akutagawa-kun, come with me and I’ll tell you.”

Atsushi begins moving to follow them without hesitation, but Ryuunosuke pauses. There is no way to tell if they can really trust them, if they truly have good intentions.

What they offer, though, is not so easily won. If his sibling and Atsushi were to be freed from the mafia, they could join him in the Agency. They could join the side of light with no repercussions, and they could all be together.

The impossible would become possible in an instant.

Though he drags his feet, Ryuunosuke follows Dazai from the room, shooting Gin one last desperate look before they’re gone from his sight.

•···········• ☯︎ •···········•

Dazai leads them up a different set of stairs, one Ryuunosuke had entirely missed in his earlier search. His heart races as they approach the large door that lies in wait for them at the top, and he finds himself holding in a breath as Dazai flings it open.

A rush of cold air smacks him in the face as they step out, and onto the roof. He takes extra caution as he shuffles forwards, shivering as he casts a glance at the skyline before turning back to face Dazai. Their black overcoat flutters in the wind as they stalk over dangerously close to the edge of the building, staring down at the ground below as if entranced.

“What are you plotting?” Ryuunosuke repeats, volume increasing when Dazai doesn’t even begin to speak. “Why did you lure me here today with that photo of Gin?!”

“This isn’t just about today,” Dazai tells him, finally turning to face them both. “This all started four and a half years ago, when I took your sibling. Every factor has been planned perfectly to make way for this moment.”

“What…?” Atsushi finally speaks up, looking just as confused as Ryuunosuke feels.

“Are you familiar with the Book?” Dazai asks suddenly, changing tracks entirely. “I’m not talking about just any book, but a certain one of a kind book. It’s a book in which whatever you write becomes reality.”

“Becomes… reality?” Atsushi echoes, tone laced with disbelief.

“What are you talking about?” Ryuunosuke finds himself demanding once more.

As Dazai explains it, both he and Atsushi find themself practically paralysed with shock. At some point, Ryuunosuke notices his jaw is on the floor, but finds himself unable to pick it back up again.

Their world is not the original, and due to that very fact it is at risk. Powerful, foreign organisations are going to flock to Yokohama to claim the Book for themselves, but any outside commands they write within it could destroy their world entirely.

It seems impossible, but Ryuunosuke somehow believes every word they say.

“The Guild, the Rats, and many others are going to come in droves in an attempt to obtain the Book. You two must defeat every one of them, if you don’t want this world to be overwritten and cease to exist,” Dazai commands.

“I don’t understand,” Ryuunosuke frowns. “Why us?”

“I need the singularity that is created when your abilities merge,” Dazai says, as if their words are at all simple. “There is something that comes to life when your souls meet, and that is what will save this world.”

With those words, Dazai turns on their heel, and once more makes their way over to the edge of the roof. There is no fence to prevent them from falling; all that is beyond is the open sky. There is nothing to stop them.

“Dazai-san,” Atsushi tries anyway, voice pleading. “That’s dangerous. Please come back.”

“I need to warn the two of you,” Dazai continues, ignoring Atsushi’s words entirely, “that you can’t tell anyone what I just told you. If more than three people know the truth, this world will destabilise, and it could disappear entirely. I’m leaving the rest to you two.”

“Dazai, wait!” Atsushi cries. “Don’t-”

“The time has finally come,” Dazai says, and their voice sounds almost blissful as they gaze over the edge. “It’s a strange feeling, really. Like going home.”

They close their eyes, and grin softly. Ryuunosuke finds himself frozen once more as he stares at them, so close to death, yet without a crease in their face.

It’s almost anticlimactic when they lean back, and topple over the edge. Gravity pulls them away, and the sound of their impact doesn’t even reach the rooftop. Even their final words are drowned out by the wind.

•···········• ☯︎ •···········•

After everything, Atsushi seems to find solace in returning to the rooftop. A different one to the one where Dazai fell, the one sheltering the Agency, but Ryuunosuke knows full well he returns there whenever the thoughts of their death, and the final mission entrusted to them both, plague him. Whenever Ryuunosuke can’t find him, he always knows to find him up there.

Atsushi is leaning on the railing when he makes his way up there, staring out over the city with a furrowed brow. Ryuunosuke doesn’t speak right away, instead opting to make his way over to stand beside him. It’s clear there’s a particular something bothering him - there always is when he returns here - but Ryuunosuke doesn’t push him to talk. He simply allows their arms to press up against each other, an unspoken reminder that he’s here.

“Droves of organisations,” Atsushi says eventually, voice almost swallowed from its lack of volume. “All threatening our world.”

Ryuunosuke is all too aware of how it eats at him that they can’t share it. They know that many challengers are on their way, ready to tear this city apart, but they can’t warn anyone, lest their world be lost forever.

“So we just have to be ready for them,” Ryuunosuke says seriously. Atsushi’s eyes widen slightly, and he finally turns to face him at the words. They should be obvious, but he knows how Atsushi overcomplicates things in the tangled web of his mind.

“Do you think the Agency can handle it, even if they don’t know yet?” Atsushi asks quietly. He doesn’t know them like Ryuunosuke does; he hasn’t even had a chance to take their entrance exam yet. Ryuunosuke, for one, has no doubt he’ll pass with flying colours.

“Yes,” Ryuunosuke answers without hesitation. “But so can we. We have the luxury of being able to prepare, so let’s do it. Dazai mentioned The Guild and the Rats, so let’s find out all we can about them. If we get stronger, then even if unknown organisations crop up, too, we’ll be able to handle them.”

It will be a lot easier said than done, and both of them are fully aware of that fact. There will be organisations they can’t prepare for, ones that are far beyond anything they could’ve ever imagined, but it’s their city, and it’s their world. They have to protect it.

“Okay,” Atsushi agrees with a grin, turning back to face him. He holds out his hand, and Ryuunosuke clasps it firmly, revelling in both the warmth of his touch, and the light returned to his eyes - for good this time.