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Chapter Text

Kazuki grew up feeling a little different from most boys. It probably had to do with the fact that boys don’t think about their estranged childhood best friends for years on end while they endure the onslaught of puberty.

(And by God it did. He just never thought constanly mulling over his guilt and wanting to disappear instead of actually talking to and appologizing to said friend would translate to him wanting to fuck him as well.)

So, there was virtually no time to think about girls. Or maybe he thought of them sometimes. About getting a bike so Shouko could ride with him. Or Kanon in nice dresses he never thought she’d wear since living on the island. Though it seemed that everything he deemed worth taking note about the girls seemed very different from the other boys.

“Kanon’s really something huh? I mean did you guys see?” Kenji whispered excitedly, something Kazuki would’ve never expected in a thousand years. Shouldn’t he be gawking at Sakura instead?

“Whaddya mean? I’m telling Sakura you’ve been staring at another girl!” Mamoru shot back. Oh, at least he’s sane.

“Don’t you fucking dare,” he narrowed his eyes at his best pal. “C’mon, now. Don’t lie to me. We were all thinking about it. Right, Kazuki?”

He turned to Kazuki, who just blinked. “I’m sorry?”

“You know! You know…” Kenji gestured, hands cupping the air in front of his chest. “You get it right?”

“I don’t?”

That elicited a defeated sigh from both of his classmates, with Kenji grabbing his shoulders and staring into his soul. “I can’t believe I have to say this out loud. How can you be so close to a girl and not notice her rack?"

“What—” 

“Damn it, Makabe!” Kenji shook his head exaggeratedly. “Her boobs. Her milk jugs, her badonkers. A hot girl has the hots for you and you didn’t even realize it all this time?”

“Er,” sure he likes Canon and Canon likes him back. But as friends right? They’d only known each other for a couple of weeks, possibly less.

“Kazuki, you’re impossible.” Mamoru snickered. “Don’t tell me you’re gay.” That earned a smack on his head from Kenji.

“Don’t be like that,” then he turned to Kazuki and smiled. “No worries, Kazuki. You’re still our friend even if you are.”

So, that exchange did help point Kazuki to another direction. Though it led him to wonder when or if he ever actually saw men in that sort of light. He felt nothing during beach excursions where he could see Ryo-senpai, considered to be quite the looker according to his classmates, shirtless. The same with Michio. Or Kouyou. Or anybody at all, really.

It probably didn’t start immediately with Soushi either. The first time they all went to the beach after he returned, Kazuki was too excited at the prospect of doing something fun with Soushi and the others. They all deserved a little break after everything they’d been through.

Years of not talking made Kazuki yearn for moments like these, even through the most awkward exchanges and quiet moments where they did nothing but be with each other. Sometimes Kazuki wondered if he could ask for more, a slight touch to remind him that Soushi’s here to stay. That they would never be apart again. That need for more turned into desire, and then to hunger, which led to Kazuki offering his virginity to Soushi. His best friend-turned-lover greedily accepted and took him there on that narrow bed, deep within the bowels of Alvis, far from his father, his friends, the sealed Fafners.

Which led to Kazuki noticing Soushi a little bit more too. From the way his brows scrunch up together in deep concentration or the way his glasses made him look more mature as he sat by the window during lunch at Rakuen. He’d never tire of looking at Soushi and vice versa.

His boyfriend’s just a tad more obvious in that aspect.

It’d been a while since they all went to the beach and sure, why not. They’d been dying to see the ace pilot's prowess at playing Ocean Baseball, especially now that he’d gotten his vision back. It was a sight to see: Kazuki running all the way across the sea and swimming to where the ball landed, some ways from the shoreline. Judging from the impressed looks Canon and the younger pilots shared, it was a glorious comeback for Tatsumiyajima’s star athlete.

And to Soushi, an entire feast for his eyes. Kazuki’s too concentrated on getting the ball back to his teammates he didn’t realize Soushi’s hawk-like stare over his body, eyes fixed on the way his chest glistened after the dip, the way his thigh muscles flexed as they sprinted across the sand. Oh, how delicious the rivulets dropping from his hair made him look.

Soushi pinned him down against the mattress, much much later after he’d gently washed the brine out of Kazuki’s hair.

Using the same hands that were now threatening to rip his t-shirt off.

“I couldn’t stand seeing you like that,” Soushi growled, breath ghosting over tanned skin. “Showing off your body to everybody else, how could I possibly—”

Kazuki let out a moan as Soushi’s mouth engulfed a nipple, his hand cruelly tugging the other one. 

“Next time,” he hissed. “I’m taking you in the back so you remember— Ah! —remember who you belong to.”

Oh, Kazuki thought. So that’s what it meant to desire and be desired.

The two years they spent in Crossing and another two dancing around their relationship led them both to a hasty descent into madness that can only be cured by being with each other, feeding from each other and consuming each other. What started as sleepovers with a little bit of fooling around turned into weekends of marathon sex with Soushi pushing himself to the limit to match Kazuki’s endless stamina. If anything, he’s worried about his lover dying first from exhaustion. 

(“What a way to die. Literally with a bang inside you” Soushi chuckled, much to Kazuki’s exasperation and a playful smack to his head.)

Even when they’re apart, even during nights when Kazuki couldn’t come over to Soushi’s room, both would always have time for a quick call after dinner or before bed. Kazuki had to tone his words down a bit in case Fumihiko passed by, which led to…

“Here,” Soushi handed him an old, but functional smartphone that seemed to contain only his boyfriend’s number and no one else’s. “This one isn’t in any way linked to Alvis’s system. We can use this to communicate, just between the two of us.” He showed his own, a nondescript metallic grey thing.

“So, uh…” Kazuki was more curious about how Soushi kept coming up with these devices (and disconnected from Alvis no less! This might as well be abuse of power, he realized somewhat horrifiedly). “What’s wrong with mine?”

Not that Kazuki made it a habit to check his phone often, hence Soushi using the broadcasting system that one time to look for Kazuki, but still.

“Looks like I have no choice but to show you then.”

And that was how, to Kazuki’s mortification, he was greeted with a picture of a shirtless Soushi in front of his bathroom mirror, still wet from his evening shower —never mind that he’s still in the middle of the dinner rush at Rakuen. Oh, his boyfriend was definitely getting an earful when he got to his room.

And then some.

At this point, Kazuki had been finely attuned to Soushi’s tastes and preferences. Some were embarrassing at first (him? In lace?) while some seemed like natural conclusions to Kazuki’s own preferences (oh God, the way Soushi’s old choker fit around his neck like it was meant for him all along. The way Soushi threatened to add a leash drew a full-body shudder that didn’t go unnoticed.)

And in a twisted continuation of his younger self’s  need to appease Soushi in every way possible, he sought to indulge each and every one of his boyfriend's sick fantasies.

He'd sent a photo of his bare legs stretched and propped against the wall, crossed and giving a full view of his shapely ankle and calf from the side. The picture was cropped right above where his boxers met skin, giving the impression that he was naked from the waist down. Kazuki sent it on impulse, blushing from ear-to-ear as he waited for his boyfriend’s reply.

Soushi replied with a simple 'Wait for me when I get back' and it was enough for Kazuki to dress himself as quickly as humanely possible and hastily asked Fumihiko’s permission to stay the night at Soushi’s. To his dismay, Soushi was already at the door, pinning him down with a look that would’ve made any Alvis personnel wish they were dead.

To his delight, he was thoroughly marked inside and out, particularly along the soft expanse of skin that made Soushi leave his lab in haste. 

“You got creative,” Soushi assessed. “I didn’t think you had it in you to actually do this.” He tapped the picture on the screen, zooming in on the meat of Kazuki’s inner thighs, where he suffered the most attacks.

“I learned from the best,” Kazuki answered confidently as he reached out to grab the phone and redirect Soushi's attention back to himself.

Thighs, backside, he understood their appeal. What he didn’t get at first, though, was Soushi’s obsession with parts that made more sense if they were on a woman’s body, if Kenji and his peers’ fixation on girls' racks were anything to go by. But oh, Soushi was set to prove him wrong.

And so it came to this: Kazuki naked on the floor, with both hands bound behind his back with a red rope. Soushi sat before him, fully clothed in his white Alvis uniform and with his cock shoved down Kazuki’s throat. The black-haired youth worked around Soushi with what little he had, with some encouragement from the fist tangled in his hair.

(His eyes stung to the point of tears but his senses were invaded by the scent and feel of Soushi, Soushi, Soushi and he had never felt more loved. He was meant to do this, just as Soushi was meant for his existence alone.)

Kazuki was deaf to the world aside from Soushi’s soothing words of encouragement as he bobbed up and down Soushi’s length, the weight and warmth of him familiar on his tongue. His own cock remained ignored as he slowly but insistently worked to bring Soushi’s to climax.

A tug at his hair and a breathless “Pull out” was all it took to snap Kazuki back to his senses and he released Soushi immediately, almost whining at the loss of contact. But he knew better than to disobey his former commander and risk having to spend another ten minutes in this position. 

“Straighten up, Kazuki.” 

Almost automatically, Kazuki arched his back as far as he could go, pointing his bare chest toward Soushi. He made a point to tilt his head back slightly until his neck was exposed. It meant that his mouth would miss Soushi’s spend when he made his shot, but Kazuki supposed he could always rectify this later.

Damn, even his inner voice was starting to sound like Soushi. 

Closing his eyes, Kazuki relished the warmth of Soushi’s cum as it painted the side of his face, his jaw and chest. Soushi was especially fond of coating Kazuki’s cleavage and pecs like his skin was a canvas and his entire body just a toy. He was made to exist for Soushi as much as Soushi was made to exist for him. This was his penance and reward. His reward for taking their first step to their shared future. A now where they could understand each other, albeit imperfectly. They could learn together. 

(For all the limited time they had)

Kazuki was jolted from his reverie when Soushi’s hand came to wipe his jaw before he dragged it lower to rest on his pectoral. Soushi’s thumb brushed over his right nipple and stopped there. 

“You enjoyed it,” he sneered, relishing how stiff the bud felt under his pad. “I didn't think you were this nasty."

His nail dug into the areolus.

Choking back tears but not pulling away, Kazuki came untouched all over the floor, his cum splattering on the bottom of Soushi’s chair. He whimpered as Soushi pressed his nail harder until it hurt, and finally let out a sob as he was finally milked dry. Even so, Soushi still scraped away at his sensitive bud, dead set on prolonging the torture.

Finally satisfied, Soushi rewarded him with a kiss that was all too fleeting.

“Beautiful,” he whispered. “Let me untie you so you can get on the bed. You think you’re up for more?”

Kazuki looked at him as if to say well, are you? But he was itching to get Soushi in him before the night ended and so he obeyed, scrambling over the mattress and presenting himself on all fours once he was free.

“Dammit, Kazuki.” Soushi grunted at the spectacle. “What am I supposed to do with you,”

Lucky for him, they still had the remaining energy to find out.

Chapter Text

Kazuki had always admired Soushi’s hands from when they were just kids.

They were smaller than his, yes, but also more capable, dexterous fingers constructing and deconstructing the various trinkets and knick-knacks Kozou Minashiro collected across the home. They were clumsy still when Fumihiko taught them to shape clay on the pottery wheel, but to Kazuki, they were enough to hold his entire world.

Until that fateful, sweltering afternoon when tall assimilation crystals shot out of Soushi’s palm.

In retaliation, Kazuki picked a stray branch and both their breaths were stolen as it stabbed through Soushi’s left eye. The other boy’s accusatory gaze was the last thing Kazuki saw before running back home.

The next day, he wished the adults would find out about what he’d done and punish him accordingly. But Fumihiko nor Kozou mentioned anything other than it being an accident, and to his surprise, neither did the boy himself.

The days were a blur after that. Kazuki often wondered if his other friends realized something and saw the rift between him and Soushi growing wider and wider. To his surprise, none of his friends’ demeanor changed. Koyou was ever amiable and Kenji’s group still orbited around him, and so did Toomi and Hazama. If anything, Toomi seemed to stick around much more often after that, filling in the space that Soushi left.

The boy was now a stranger to Kazuki and even his friends. Even throughout the entire farewell party they threw before his departure to Tokyo, he never showed anything beyond a perfunctory smile. Kazuki excused himself from the gathering early on, conflicted whether he was sad or grateful that the boy was no longer on the island to remind him of his sin.

It was strange, the day of Soushi’s return. Everything went by in a blur —the alarm, the resulting panic. It’s as if his entire life had been anticipating it, and yet nothing was enough to prepare him for this very moment.

“Where are we going, Soushi?” He asked his former friend for the first time, a small part of him elated that Soushi was finally looking his way, that he was important enough it warranted Soushi choosing him and taking him away from all these other people, even if it meant throwing him in harm’s way. For Soushi, he’d do anything.

Even becoming a monster.

“To paradise,” the scarred boy said simply.

Paradise, a younger Soushi read to him. That’s where the good people go when they die.

Well, where did souls like Kazuki go?

The substance where the Nibelung rings were nestled felt cold, like dipping into a subglacial lake. The cold enveloped his fingers like the grasp of a long-lost friend as they slid perfectly into the bands. This was it, a proof of contract between Kazuki and the beast he manned.

(Secretly, he wished it also meant he was bound to Soushi too).

The train of thought disappeared as he woke up in a sea of green. Beside him, a calming presence that Kazuki didn’t need to look to know who it was “Soushi? Why are you here?”

“Our sense of sight and hearing are synchronized directly,” his companion supplied. “You’re inside Fafner and I’m inside Siegfried. We are connected directly through our brain signals.”

Kazuki’s heart pounded against his ribcage. How much does he know? 

“Open your eyes,” Soushi commanded. “Fafner’s eyes are your eyes.”

Kazuki did as he was told. Will I become your eyes too?

For Soushi, he’d do anything and be everything he needed. The sword that Soushi couldn’t wield. Out of all the Fafner bodies connected to the Siegfried System, Mark Elf seemed to Soushi the most familiar.

Of one body, but not of mind.

For all Kazuki tried being the most accommodating out of his fellow pilots —not that it prevented him from disobeying Soushi’s orders at certain points —he truly couldn’t see what Soushi saw. That’s why, when Kariya-sensei extended her hand….

It was an easy decision. In part to see what it was about the world beyond that made Soushi the way he was and in part to shake off the gnawing agony he felt wherever the boy was near, whether Kazuki admitted it or not. It felt less like lead weighing him down and more like a multitude of arms entangling, constricting his entire person. 

If the rift between him and Soushi were a sea, he’d surely drown like the ocean in his simulations. Kazuki thought, as he and Kariya flew over the vast body of water. And yet.

Even having crossed continents, here in the Moldova base —or what’s left of it —Soushi was never far. Kazuki was confronted once again with the sight of the boy he once loved, with bandages wrapped around his face and demanding Kazuki look at him.

(He’d seen Soushi, around school, around town far too often to his liking. And yet, he never truly looked. That way, how could he even start to listen, to understand Soushi?)

“What you did made Soushi into Soushi,” Tsubaki’s voice, calm and clear, resonated in his mind. “Soushi is grateful to you.”

How could he be grateful? If it robbed hiim of his ability to protect the island’s core —if it turned him away from his fate which Kazuki now endured.

“I never existed anywhere in the first place,” Soushi’s apparition said. “I wanted to go somewhere where I can become one with you.”

You only had to ask. A small part of Kazuki wanted to say. I might not have all the answers, but we could’ve done something. Anything. 

To this day, there was little he knew about the world. What could his 9-year old self even do?

Not if it’s for Soushi. With Soushi, he could do anything.

“I just want to…. talk with Soushi one more time.”

The hand in Soushi’s crystal shattered. Tsubaki thanked him for making his choice, and disappeared within the red void.

“Returning now…. What do you want?” 

“Soushi,” the Mark Sein pilot answered with conviction. “You said this island was our only paradise. Without knowing the meaning of that or what you are thinking.”

You bore it all, the pain. The knowledge that there’s nowhere else but here. Bearing such a great burden all this time and never sharing it with anyone. I could have been that anyone. And yet I hadn’t.

This time, let me shoulder it with you.  “What is the identification code for that machine?”

“Mark Sein!” 

And thus, they became.

Kazuki kept his hands to himself the entire time he was in Soushi’s Alvis quarters. Out of politeness, sure. But then, there was also the fact that everything in the room was so sterile, like Kazuki’s touch would contaminate his friend’s pristine haven.

(They’d returned to being friends, right? Friends invited each other to their rooms all the time, and yet, this was the first time Kazuki had ever stepped in Soushi’s sleeping habitat since they were children).

The only splash of color was the framed picture on Soushi’s wall, the one that Toomi had taken back when they still had Koyou and Shouko. Kazuki’s lime jacket and orange shirt stood amongst the sea of white-and-blue uniforms that they all wore.

Just that one picture. And somehow Kazuki’s glad that Soushi considered it important enough to hang on the wall. He’d like to think Soushi glanced at the picture from time to time whenever he’s studying or doing other things on his desk. Their “talk” was brief, but Kazuki was certain he’d cherish this moment just as he cherished their childhood memories. He hoped they’d do this again another time. 

(And then a second time, a third time, before Soushi went away somewhere far away he couldn’t reach).

Rakuen kept him busy and he had Mizoguchi to thank for that. The reserve pilot found small joys in making small talks with customers who came in and praised his food. His creations were perfect, they said —Kazuki had all the time in the world to experiment on recipes while helping build Rakuen’s new reputation as a casual eatery where everyone was welcome.

(He often wondered what Koyou would think —he’d taken Shouko involuntarily and now, the only remaining fortune passed by his “parents” were now Kazuki’s in a way.)

But there were slow days too, and Kazuki often found himself sitting by the window while Maya and Mizoguchi were out. The warmth pouring in from outside would often lull him to sleep. Like on this particular summer day, when the islanders were busy preparing for Obon outside.

Empty as the cafe was, Kazuki was never truly alone. Not when he was in constant Crossing with Soushi.

(Funny that, considering that he’d spend the entire five years avoiding Soushi whenever he could. Now his constant presence was as natural as the waves that rippled across the dark ocean in his dream. Even if Soushi failed to assimilate Kazuki all those years ago, they did become one in a way).

“They are filled with suffering and hatred. I’m sorry Kazuki.”

There he went, shouldering the blame for everything he didn’t have power over. Maybe it was in his nature to calculate every variable possible, to control what was available to him. As he said, it was a desperate gamble. For the sake of the island, the home he would eventually return to.

Footsteps neared as Soushi-in-Crossing approached Kazuki’s chair. A hand came to rest on his shoulder reassuringly before it slid under his chest and Kazuki felt the warmth of Soushi’s chest on his back. Their first hug in seven years and they didn’t even share the same space. 

“I will come back to where you are,” Soushi murmured, chin resting comfortably on top of Kazuki’s head. “I swear it.”

It took two years and this moment to realize that just as he had devoted his entire being to Soushi, Soushi had nothing in his heart but Kazuki.

“I will wait for you. Forever.”

For the first time since the friends separated, they reached out toward each other. Soushi was as real to him as the vast blue sky above them, as solid as Sein and Nicht embracing not far from where they are embraced. Kazuki instinctively grasped the front of Soushi’s uniform. This time, his friend didn’t even flinch.

(They could be best friends again).

He could see their faces again: Toomi, Canon, the second generation pilots, his father. Through the overwhelming cacophony of voices and colors flooding his senses, Soushi stood by it all. fingers interlaced with his until Toomi-sensei ushered them to the medical bay.

Soushi was here, safe and sound. Kazuki swore he would never let go of this moment, never again.

Now, there were moments where Soushi grew exasperated at Kazuki’s constant need for his presence and told him, gently, that he needed some time alone, only for the taller boy to clumsily apologize the next morning because he couldn’t stand picturing his friend’s dejected face. As always, Kazuki forgave him with a fond look in his eyes.

Things stayed that way until two years later after Soushi used the island’s broadcasting system to announce his disappearance. It was effective in a way, and at least Kazuki’s embarrassment had simmered away by the time they actually sat down to eat.

“Just know that I’ll do another public broadcast if you ever disappear,” Soushi murmured, voice laced with sleepiness and softer than Kazuki had ever heard him say. “Don’t carry that burden alone. You have friends.”

Kazuki’s chagrin at the irony behind Soushi’s words of wisdom gave way to something more tender, and it took another several minutes of Soushi-gazing until it finally clicked. 

Oh, Kazuki realized as his fingers almost touched Soushi’s, twitching in his sleep. So this is what love is.

Soushi was not one for physical contact and everyone knew it. Kazuki, of course, was exempt from this rule by virtue of being his closest friend and recently, his boyfriend.

Their dance started slow, with Kazuki bashfully initiating small things like holding hands as they walked together from Rakuen only for Soushi to keep his hand firmly in his after taking it. Then it turned to more obvious ones like a reassuring hand on Soushi’s shoulder when he’s slumped at the dinner table after a long day.

People would think nothing of it, both assured themselves. They were reunited childhood friends, after all.

(Not discerning people like Toumi, though. And definitely not Fumihiko).

They’re much bolder when they’re alone together. Like Soushi standing a little too close and splaying a possessive hand on the small of Kazuki’s back as they’re about to enter a room together.  Kazuki, on the other hand, proved himself to be a bit of a tease. He would snatch Soushi’s glasses when he’s lost in his thoughts and Kazuki figured that maybe, that little wrinkle on his forehead needed to go away for a bit.

“Give them back,” Soushi asked —he didn’t whine, thank you very much. “I need them to protect my eyes from the blue light.” 

It went without saying that the vision in both eyes was miraculously intact upon his return and somehow never actually worsening.

Kazuki smiled teasingly. “Or, you can move away from your laptop for a bit and rest. Really, how many hours has it been? Four? Five?”

Soushi opened his mouth to say something, only for the words to die before they could leave his lips. It’s for your own good, Kazuki. Four or five hours is nothing if it could add five more years to your lifespan.

But he did feel a headache coming, and Kazuki’s lap offered a comfy headrest for Soushi to let his eyes close for a bit. Once he was settled, deft fingers rested on his temples and started applying pressure in soothing circles. Between comfortable silence and sweet nothings, it was the perfect condition for Soushi to fall asleep. 

“Wake me up in thirty minutes,” he sleepily asked Kazuki. “Until then, I’m following your suggestion to rest.”

“Just go to sleep, you big dork.”

A privilege neither thought was possible, considering the once fraught history between them. All the furtive glances and words never spoken were exchanged for something much better and more real.

(Kazuki couldn’t help but gaze at the rings on his fingers. Both a curse and a promise honored. He once thought the world and Soushi would be better off if he disappeared. But now, with the same fingers twisting in Soushi’s hair, he dreaded the day he actually did).

Now, with the lack of telephatic assistance from Crossing, they had only words to convey how they felt. But sometimes even words get in the way of fulfilling more important urges. 

“Come closer,”

The authority in Soushi’s voice betrayed the gentleness of his hands. When he undressed Kazuki, he did so with the reverence of a sculptor carving his masterpiece. Every tension in his body was chipped away part by part until he was completely bare under Soushi’s attention.

“Spread your legs a little more, Kazuki. That’s it, you’re doing well,” his lover cooed, fingers leaving a trail of fire in their wake before settling behind his knee.

Blushing at the compliment, Kazuki relaxed against the mattress as Soushi manhandled him as he pleased — a firm hand pressing down on his abdomen and a thumb languidly tracing back and forth along the skin between his hole and testicles.

Kazuki arched at the friction, made worse by Soushi’s dry pad and the slight scraping of a nail against sensitive skin. He allowed Soushi to remove his hand and reach for lubricant. For all the enjoyment he found in the teasing, Soushi was at his limit too.

Then a single, cold digit was breaching Kazuki’s entrance. It took all of his power not to wail  —Soushi’s name pouring out of his lips in litany. Another digit circled around puckered muscle, eager to join the first.

“Let go,” Soushi whispered, more certain than he ever felt in the Siegfried System, back when he knew nothing of Kazuki’s heart. “I’m here.”

(Kazuki knew he’d follow Soushi, always. Even through pain)

“Please,” he whispered. Please, Soushi, I’d take everything you'd give me.

His reward was immediate, Soushi scissoring him open while the other hand moved from under his thigh toward his neglected cock. It wrapped around his length and stayed that way, save for the swiping motion of Soushi’s thumb on his tip, doing simultaneously too little and too much for Kazuki to properly reach his edge.

More, more his hips unconsciously canted as he wordlessly pleaded for Soushi to start moving. I’ll give you all of me if you give yours.

Cotton between his ears, Kazuki was too desperate to notice Soushi’s fingernail teasing his slit until he felt it trying to slip in and it was then that he finally broke.

“Please. Soushi!” Kazuki turned his face deeper into the pillow, tears threatening to spill. “I want…not like this!”

I want to feel you inside me. More. Until there’s no telling where you end and I begin.

With Kazuki asking so prettily, how could Soushi not oblige? And besides, he was at his limit too. Fingers withdrew from Kazuki’s body to be replaced with Soushi’s familiar girth, resting against his entrance until Kazuki was ready for what came next.

Then you will have me, his eyes seemed to say as they hovered above the impatient Kazuki. As long as time would allow.

Kazuki’s fourteen year-old self could never dream of this, of both of them lying under the same cover while Kazuki studies Soushi’s face, a visage of perfection in his eyes. An image that would never change in Kazuki's memory aven as he traced the horizontal line over his left eye —a mark that both severed and connected them all the same, even now that it’s perfectly healed and Soushi’s vision returned. There was nothing more Kazuki needed to do, and yet….

“It feels like no matter what I do, it’ll never be enough,” he ran a gentle thumb across the raised skin. “I’ve caused you pain no matter what.” 

So saying, Kazuki pressed a chaste kiss over the scarred eyelid.

“If that’s the case,” Soushi murmured against Kazuki’s lips before claiming them, “then spend the remainder of your life atoning for it.” 

Chapter Text

Summer quickly came to an end, taking with it the holiday euphoria associated with the season. Children grunted as they prepared to go back to school, while the adults returned from the welcome reprieve of Obon and other summer festivities.

But the changing of seasons also meant cooler weather and less of the sun beating down mercilessly on people unfortunate enough to be out on the street during peak hours. Soushi certainly didn’t lament the loss of having his shirt clinging to his front and back from perspiration.

But that also meant no longer seeing Kazuki drenched head to toe in sweat —the little hairs that he couldn’t gather into his ponytails sticking to the back of his pale neck and beads of moisture running down his jawline. Sometimes the shirts he wore were so thin that Soushi could make out glimpses of his skin when they became wet.

Not to mention the times when Kazuki broke out the impossibly short shorts that were too scant to cover anything but the very upper part of his thighs. Soushi loved the feel of rubbing his own bare legs against Kazuki’s and the easy access it provided when they wanted to get frisky.

The researcher was definitely more of an indoor person, preferring to stay within the confines of his lab and making use of whatever little time he had to find a cure for his lover. Even so, he still found merit in spending time outside for fresh air, or joining his friends on a beach day.

Soushi’s usually content with sitting on a mat or under a parasol while Toomi, Canon and the others were out in the water or playing a ball game. Sometimes, he’s accompanied by Kaname, who had her own fond look at Kenji as he did his utmost to beat Kazuki at volleyball or ocean baseball (and failing spectacularly). Most of the time, he’s joined by Kazuki himself, ramune bottles or popsicles shared between them.

Soushi’s certain he would miss the mundane moments when the Festum returned and they’re thrust back to their reality of constant battle for survival. He certainly lamented what he’d been missing for the past nine years of locking himself away in the metaphorical tower, built by his father and then himself.

(Most of all, he missed Kazuki. And now that he’d been granted another chance to be by his side, Soushi swore to make things right.)

It was always the right choice, coming down to the beach when Kenji or the kouhais invited them out despite the heat that normally would’ve deterred him from stepping out of his air-conditioned Alvis room. But then he remembered that A) He needed to reforge his bond with others and B) that meant he’d get to see Kazuki running half-naked and sweaty and oh wouldn’t that mean more photos to snap and save for his collection?

His preference for sitting in the shade served to his detriment, however, when Mimika Mikagami, on the odd chance she and her best friend Reo Mikado joined their entourage despite not being part of the pilot roster yet, challenged Kazuki to a volleyball match.

What Soushi didn’t anticipate next was Canon volunteering to join Kazuki’s team, eager to spend some time with her underclassmen.

(The girl, upon his return, had become a mentor to the younger teenagers on the island. Soushi was happy for her, seeing her grow into a role that otherwise she wouldn’t have assumed in Neo U.N. As an army superior with younger charges, maybe. But never a big-sister-type with kids that she cared deeply about beyond her rank).

True to Alvis’s records on Mimika and Reo, the pair proved to be a formidable opponent to even the combined might of Kazuki and Canon. The air around their impromptu court became heated as onlookers cheered for the two teams, with Hiroto no doubt creating a betting pool somewhere in the background.

For the most part, Soushi paid equal attention to the match itself as well as the bouncing of Kazuki’s ass. The sweat running down his muscled back and toned abs certainly didn’t help. He had to thank Mimika later in some way.

“Kazuki-senpai!” Rina Nishio yelled from the sidelines, “Is that all you got? You don’t look too hot there!”

Both teams were taking a break now, panting with their heads bowed down. They were at a stalemate, with Mimika’s team miraculously almost cinching down on that win For once, Kazuki was the cornered one, even with the military-trained Canon on his side.

“Yeah, man!” Kenji added. “What, you need a boost or something?”

Soushi swore Kenji was glancing his way as he said that, but before he could react, Hiroto was already on his feet, delivering an even bolder suggestion to lift their spirits.

“I know!” he shouted. “Canon-senpai should slap Kazuki-senpai’s ass! That’s what the volleyball teams did in the old videos to each other!”

The crowd gasped at that, with Kazuki himself too exhausted to notice what’s going on while Kenji’s full-on panicking now, looking back and forth between Hiroto and Soushi. His girlfriend, on the other hand, clearly thought differently as evidenced with the devious grin across her face.

“Yeah, Canon?” she urged, leering pointedly at Soushi across the sand. “Why don’t you try it? It’d boost morale.”

“No, I’m—” the older redhead stuttered in discomfort. “But Kazuki…”

Kazuki was clearly clueless as to what was going on, but an instinctive drive to let Canon do whatever she wanted washed over him the moment he saw Canon staring at him with what seemed to be a pleading (?) look. “I’m not sure, but okay?”

All time seemed to stop as Soushi watched Canon strode to Kazuki with an embarrassed but determined countenance. The girl raised her hand like she was about to make a chop, turned it to present the back of her hand, and rained a blow on the still-bending Kazuki.

The entire beach went silent at the resounding slap.

Kazuki’s eyes widened, only now turning back to look at Canon and finally registering what had transpired. Canon backed and muttered a barrage of muffled apologies while Toomi stood by, her camera dangling from her wrist as she stared at the scene slack-jawed. Not even she had been aware of what was going on.

Toomi’s lack of reaction contrasted further with Soushi’s as he stood up and marched into the sun.

“I’m joining the game on Kazuki’s team!” He declared, dramatically throwing away the white UV jacket he’d worn. “Kaburagi! You assist the other team!”

“Me?” The boy, who had been off to the side watching the game (really, he was here to see Rina-san in a swimsuit) pointed to himself. 

“Yes, you!” Soushi replied, full-on battle commander mode this time. “The team would need a strategist on their side or it won’t be fair!”

Canon instinctively made way for Soushi, praying that she wouldn't direct his anger her way. Soushi was never one for friendly fire even when it’s directed at his romance rivals but with the murderous aura around him, who could tell?

“Kenji! Start the game!” He roared like Mark Nicht coming to life. “I’ll show you all what a real volleyball match looks like!"

Their team came out victorious that day, Mimika’s team soundly pulverized with Soushi himself delivering most of the devastating blows. 

September rolling in didn’t mean there was no fun to be had. For instance, there were the signature fall delicacies like the familiar chestnut rice and sweet potatoes roasted on open fire. Kazuki even tried whipping up new recipes such as spiced chai at Rakuen one day and that became a hit too. 

Speaking of, there was Kazuki’s birthday too, which they were all glad to be celebrating together at the cafe, considering his condition. Reo and his friends even brought mooncakes to the party, as the Mid-Autumn Festival the sweets was associated with was just around the corner, according to what they’d read.

(The day before, they visited Shoko’s grave with a mooncake made especially for her. Maya confessed that Shouko once wanted to invite Kazuki to dinner at the Hazama house to celebrate their birthday together).

While they no longer celebrated Mid-Autumn Festival the way people did on the faraway Chinese mainland, the people of Tatsumiyajima still had their tradition of Tsukimi or moon-viewing, when they would gaze at the moon from their verandas accompanied with sake and the traditional offering of tsukimi dango.

Likewise, intimate Tsukimi gatherings often presented opportunities for couples to profess their love for each other*, like the one Fumihiko Makabe was invited to by Toomi-sensei. That meant Kazuki had the entire house to himself, but he and Soushi already had other plans.

“Mmm,” Kazuki sighed, burrowing into the crook of Soushi’s neck. “Do you think everything went well with Dad and Toomi-sensei?”

“Hmmm?” Soushi shuffled lazily, leaning into the touch despite Kazuki’s hair prickling into his skin.

“Dad really went all-out for tonight’s tsukimi,” Kazuki scooted closer toward his source of warmth despite there still being room on the mat. Even out on the beach, September’s weather was cooler. “Even pulled out the yukata. He never does that kind of stuff at Obon.”

Soushi recalled catching a whiff of some fragrance he’d never smelled before at the Makabe residence when he entered their living room, Fumihiko already dressed to the nines carrying a box wrapped in furoshiki. Ah, so that was the Commander’s perfume. Not that Soushi ever noticed what Fumihiko’s usual scent was like.

And really why think about what the Commander smelled like? Soushi only ever cared about a handful of distinct scents which he meticulously catalogued in his cache of memories, all pertaining to one person.

It’s a shame, Soushi thought, to have his Alvis uniform washed at their automatic cleaning facility when he’d rather drop it off at the Makabes and have Kazuki handwash it. At least Kazuki allowed (insisted, even) Soushi to leave his clothing in their laundry after a sleepover. His boyfriend would then bring them over when it’s his turn to sleep at Alvis.

Which meant Kazuki would also be leaving a trail of his scent throughout the space —his towel, his sheets. Admitting himself a lesser man, Soushi would take time to press his face onto the pillow Kazuki used and breathed in what remained of his traces before going about his day.

That part of Soushi fought with the other part that growled in triumph whenever Kazuki stepped out of the shower, smelling like the Alvis-issued shampoo and soap. Yet there was undoubtedly something that distinctively reeked of Kazuki underneath the layer of fresh linen notes that Soushi was familiar with.

Just as babies could identify the scent of their mothers (though Soushi could no longer remember his), Soushi could map every aroma he experienced back to Kazuki: from the fragrant coffee beans Kazuki ground for the Rakuen house blend that fueled the rest of Soushi’s day to the different spices that made up Kazuki’s signature curry. 

But Soushi was only human, his weakness reflected by his preferred choice of eau de Kazuki: his sweat.

For all that Soushi would fuss at the thought of Kazuki overexerting himself (Kazuki being the most athletic person on the entire island notwithstanding), Kazuki’s own natural essence was intoxicating. Yes, he’d rather make up for lack of sleep on the weekends with Kazuki curled around him but the latter’s invitation to more demanding physical activities such as trekking or even going out on a morning jog meant they’d get to share a towel (which he insisted despite how unhygienic it was) and the sight of Kazuki sweating down his neck and arms. Sometimes his collarbone too when Soushi’s lucky enough to see him in a tanktop.

(And where’s the harm in sneaking in a few spontaneous neck kisses when they’re resting? Provided Soushi didn’t immediately collapse at every stop they made.)

Of course, sex was always the easiest way to extract Kazuki’s sweat with the combination of heat and Kazuki’s own exertion. While moving against each other under a comforter was uncomfortable, it yielded a 200% percent increase in Kazuki’s sweat production which Soushi enjoyed with every nip and lick at Kazuki’s throat. 

You’re always so prim and proper, Soushi Minashiro. Your family is the face of Tatsumiyajima’s authority and here you are, lapping at your lover’s clavicle like it emitted nectar fit for the gods. 

You laughed when Kazuki suggested you were his god, and yet here you are, worshipping at the altar of his being and drinking from his mouth, sweeter than any ceremonial wine.

Neither was this a bad choice —two bodies joined under the open sky where the moon appeared closer than from any other point in Tatsumiyajima. The chill is a contrast to the sunny day they enjoyed just a month ago, but Kazuki’s body was a burning furnace, stoked from their earlier labor. The thin blanket draped over their naked forms was barely enough to keep them warm, but neither had time to worry, not when Soushi was already back to kissing Kazuki’s shoulder to persuade him for more.

(Must be the taste of Kazuki getting into his head.)

“Soushi,” Kazuki giggled, half-pleading, “That tickles”. And yet, his hand had already moved to the back of Soushi’s head, encouraging him to do more.

Soushi was quick to get the message, and pressed a lovebite onto the juncture of Kazuki’s neck, where his scent was the strongest. It wasn’t enough however, and Soushi’s famished mouth moved further down and toward the side of Kazuki’s body, earning a gasp from the retired Sein pilot when he realized Soushi’s motive.

“No,” Kazuki whined. “That’s —ah!”

His resistance fell apart as Soushi successfully moved his arm out of the way, face immediately closing in onto what he craved most: Kazuki’s underarm. Barring sparse strands of hair inching away from the center, he was smooth save from barely noticeable bumps across the surface. 

(Not that it would discourage Soushi if he had a full bush instead).

Kazuki whimpered as Soushi’s breath heated the skin below his triceps, and moaned even louder when he felt the first tentative licks on his armpit. It both tickled and bothered him the same, his body made more loose with every swipe of Soushi’s eager tongue. Writhing further from the assault didn’t work with Soushi’s arms wrapped around him like vice.

And from the hardness poking against him, it seemed like the act affected Soushi too.

“Soushi, please…” Kazuki complained. He wasn’t about to let Soushi spill over his waist and hips if he could get him inside! “Let me…move, just a bit.”

“Mmm,” Soushi replied weakly, too heady from the salt of Kazuki’s skin to care.

Dislodging himself from Soushi’s hold, Kazuki managed to maneuver their positions so his back was against Soushi’s chest, the other man’s head stubbornly back to its fixed place. The position was more manageable to Kazuki now, who was able to get Soushi’s cock wedged between his buttocks. He’d let Soushi do whatever he wanted to him as long as he could get what he wanted too. 

(Kazuki supposed, he’d left shame back in his room where they could’ve done all of this in privacy, far from the prying eyes of heaven. And yet…

The moon wouldn’t have looked so full and bright.)

Soushi’s hand had moved to grip Kazuki’s upper arm so tight his shoulder was pulled back. The pain was hardly noticeable to Kazuki, whose heart beat harder against his chest with every push of Soushi’s dick toward his entrance. He wanted to be consumed like this, his lover’s mouth sucking his underarm and his lower half ravaging his insides. 

(What voracious work, feeding Soushi’s appetite in every way with every part of his being).

The black-haired youth choked back a sob as Soushi relented in favor of swiping his nose along the uppermost part of his armpit, before clamping his teeth over the sensitive skin.

His lover wailed into the night sky, not even the waves succeeding in drowning the disjointed screams that followed as Soushi continued his assault on the injured skin, alternating between licks and kisses.

Kazuki only noticed that he did come from the bite when his sensitive cock was pressed against the mat, Soushi hovering above him as he prepared to mount Kazuki for real this time. Despite his tears, Kazuki’s ass bucked against Soushi in an attempt to re-establish lost contact from the shift in positions. Their bodies arched in unison as Soushi lips hovered over the back of Kazuki’s neck like a starved beast.

Soushi’s thirst quenched, yet his mate was still parched. It was only fair for him to appease —to allow Kazuki to partake in the thrill of the hunt. Whatever he could offer, he would give.

Vicious teeth sank into flesh as passion met heated core, sweeter than any fruit on heaven and earth.