Archive of Our Own ^beta

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The espresso cup rattled slightly against the porcelain as Yuudai set it down. He was too early, ridiculously early, enough-to-come-off-as-desperate early. That fact sat sourly in his stomach.

The bell above the door rang cheerfully and Yuudai jerked upwards, corners of his mouth lifted to greet— a random ass stranger.

Damn.

He went back to flipping through the magazine he brought with him. ‘Wouldn’t blame him for not coming,’ Yuudai mused. ‘There’s no way he’d want to do this— to be with me.’

The bell rang again, even more cheerfully.

“Aw man, hey!”

Without asking permission, warmth flooded Yuudai’s chest.

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“Yuuuuuuuudaaaaaaiiiii.” Taisei’s mouth was pressed to the back of Yuudai’s neck, limbs wrapped around his smaller body.

“No.” Yuudai’s response was deadpan.

“You already have a mullet! You’d be a hit!”

“Themed parties are stupid. Themed office parties are an affront to god.”

Taisei buried his head further into the crook of Yuudai’s neck. “I already got us outfits!”

“Those—” Yuudai glared at the offending shopping bag across the room, “—aren’t outfits! They’re even bigger atrocities than this pseudo-nostalgic 80’s clusterfuck. There’s no way in hell I’m going!”

“Miss Sasaki will be there.”

“…Hand me the damn legwarmers.”

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Walking into the Tachibana household was like being hit by a tsunami: overwhelming, looming, and full of octopi.

Amid the whirl of limbs and shouted greetings, Yuudai wondered if he’d ever received this many hugs in his entire life. He didn’t think so.

“We’ve heard so much about you!”

“Your hair’s just as cool as Taisei says!”

“Let me get your coat!”

“Taisei, are his ears always this red?”

“Gahaha! Lay off, at least let us get our shoes.” Taisei shooed his family out of the entryway. “Sorry, they can be intense.”

“…it’s OK,” Yuudai grumbled, pulling off his scarf.

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Shigeru was too old for this. Maybe he was too young for this. Either way, he didn’t want to deal with this.

“M’gonna marry ‘im. Gonna marry the fuck outta ‘im,” the man attached to a mop of blond hair mumbled into the table.

Shigeru thought he’d be Yuudai’s drinking buddy tonight, not his babysitter. Silly him.

“Mhmmm,” he agreed, replacing the bottle next to Yuudai with a glass of water. “Drink that, will ya?”

Yuudai’s grasped the glass, but didn’t drink. “Gonna have t’change laws first… gonna have t’fight a lawyer.”

Shigeru sighed. He was the best friend ever.

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Yuudai never thought that he'd hear a grown-ass man say “Wheeee!” completely un-ironically, but this was Taisei he was talking about. Making exceptions to Yuudai’s worldview was one of his superpowers.

Yuudai would have paused on this thought a little longer if he wasn’t hanging on for dear life at the moment. You see, another of Taisei’s superpowers was long limbs. Limbs that had the power to make say, a teacup ride something akin to a whirlwind of nausea and death.

“I hate you!” Yuudai screeched. “You’re the absolute worst!”

Taisei continued to whirl them around, oblivious of Yuudai’s plight.

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“Hello?”

“Hey, Yuudai!”

“Jiro.”

“No need to be so excited. I called to give you a heads up.”

“…OK. From what?”

“You— whatever. Look, Taisei’s making you dinner tonight.”

“And?”

“You’re going to want to brace yourself. There’s still time for you to grab something to eat and maybe some medicine beforehand but if you want out—”

“Why? Taisei’s cooking is fine.”

“It’s because he— wait. Fine?”

“Yes, fine. As in good but not life-changing.”

“…Really?”

“I just said that.”

“…you two were made for each other.”

Jiro hung up, and Yuudai was left staring at his phone, perplexed.

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“Hey, Mr. Tachibana has a guest!”

“Miki, His family comes to see him all the time.”

“Nanako in reception says he’s reasonably tall.”

“What? Honey, I know he turned you down for this mystery boyfriend—”

“Shhhh! He’s here!”

The man that walked out of the elevator wasn’t what they expected. His slouch and baggy, patched sweater screamed “Loser!” while his scar and scowl screamed “Do not touch!” louder.

They were so absorbed in staring that Mr. Tachibana’s exuberant “Yuudai!” startled them. Watching the taller man run towards his guest and the answering smile this Yuudai gave, they suddenly understood.

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“Dick.”

“What?”

“We’re gonna talk about dick.” Jiro said, his hand clenched, his eyes flaming.

“Ok… Why?”

“Because Yuudai. You’re dating him now.”

“Yeah!” Taisei grinned.

“Well eventually you’re going to have these… urges. Urges having to do with Yuudai.”

Taisei cocked his head, “Like… kissing?”

“Yeah, but also— ahem— other stuff.”

“Like…” —here Taisei paused, obviously wondering what Jiro could possibly— “Oooooh!”

“Yeah,” Jiro’s face headed up. “So we should talk, ya’know, that stuff.”

“You mean fucking?”

“Yeah, so we should probably—”

“You’re giving me The Talk! Gahahahaha! Jiro you got your first girlfriend at 22!”

“Shut up!”